#higgs guitar spotted

[metalgeardimir]

You guys I am fucking SCREAMINGG.

Look what came into work today. I NEED it!

[jcmarchi]

The 5 Most Normal Things I Could Find In That Death Stranding 2 Trailer

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The 5 Most Normal Things I Could Find In That Death Stranding 2 Trailer

Death Stranding 2: On The Beach’s latest trailer is aggressively bizarre. In 9 minutes and 40 seconds, the video assaults us with talking stop-motion puppets, sentient gloves wrapped around people’s necks, throat babies vomiting out spaceships, a samurai that sounds like an infant, and somehow, Higgs returned. 

It’s so densely packed with weird stuff that, upon repeat viewings, I actually had to go out of my way to pinpoint anything remotely mundane. In a humorous turn of events, Death Stranding 2 is so overwhelmingly odd that every eye-brow-raising visual element is par for the course. Anything that isn’t a black oil-covered tube baby with a hilariously literal moniker voiced by Troy Baker is now the minority and, in turn, the “weird” stuff. They’re not easy to spot, so I took the liberty of doing it for you. Here are all the normal/boring/remarkably tame elements the trailer has to offer. 

Fragile’s Water Bottle

Fragile uses this bottle to clean the tar off a mysterious person, which was encased in a cocoon-like shell early in the trailer. She might have filled it with water mixed with some dish soap. Maybe Dawn, since the commercials say they’re good for cleaning oil spill victims. I was waiting for the straw to do the macarena or for babies to pour out of it instead of water, but since neither happened (yet), that makes it a refreshingly dull liquid delivery device.

Guns

It’s kind of surprising that weapons are relatively conventional in this strange universe (poop grenades aside). Combat was my least favorite aspect of Death Stranding, so I’m not thrilled to see that Sam is still packing enough heat to take down an army of ink monsters. I look forward to not using them as often as possible; I need more room to carry my boxes, anyway. 

Trees

The phrase “If trees could talk” has never resonated more than now. I would love their commentary on what it felt like watching the U.S. deteriorate from “It’s pretty weird here” to “We don’t even know if we occupy the same plane of existence anymore, God help us.” 

Wall Pipe

Perhaps the most memorable moment of this trailer is when Higgs (who now resembles The Crow if he were a Cyberpunk 2077 character) uses his electric guitar sword thing to battle an imposing samurai who makes baby noises. You were probably too busy absorbing all of that nonsense to notice this perfectly regular wall pipe that just wants to do normal pipe things and not get involved in this foolishness.

Cooking Pan 

Given the close-up this pan gets, I’m honestly surprised it wasn’t used as a branding opportunity. Maybe some fan has already magnified the image to reveal an OD release date carved on the pan’s bottom. If not, though, the pan itself seems uninteresting; what Sam is cooking with it, though, remains in question. He’s probably sauteeing those weird floating worm things. 

That’s it. That’s all I could find. I can’t trust anything else in this game because everything is weird and probably has a baby inside of it. That desert? Likely a baby. The giant moon? It’s alive and probably has Mads Mikkelsen’s face on the other side of it (Kojima will name him something cheeky like “Majora’s Mads” or something). The floating soldiers represent every celebrity Kojima has lured into his studio’s body-scanning machine; their souls are now trapped within the strand. We have to free them. 

I don’t know what Death Stranding 2: On the Beach is. Hell, I still can’t confidently explain Death Stranding 1, and I finished it. I just know that, whatever it winds up being, I really, really want to play it.

[astrandofgold]

take me as i am

chapter 6: fell in love in the only way i knew

Here it is, the latest chapter! It’s only been….forever? I’ve had this sitting in my drafts for so long because I wasn’t quite sure how to finish it off, but I finally figured it out. This one focuses on the sweet, with some minor suggestive content. The song I referenced is Q&A by Kishi Bashi, and I’m absolutely obsessed with it! Also, is it even a story about Higgs if there isn’t a part where he plays guitar? 😂

___________________________

A well-worn blanket, a pack of beers, and a guitar. That’s what was strapped onto Leo’s back. The guitar was awkward, but she’d be damned if she hadn’t carried worse cargo. And besides, Higgs had promised her, with a chuckle, that he’d play for her if she managed to carry it all the way to their destination, of which, was now within view of the two former porters. Out of the corner of her eye, Leo caught Higgs giving her a side glance, smirking. She rolled her eyes, flipped him off, and grinned, trekking forward.

Higgs had to hand it to Leo, the girl had some real grit. It was one of the many reasons why he was smitten with her. She reminded him of himself, and she carried that spark in her that he had misplaced long ago. Higgs mused to himself, thinking about how she was helping him find that spark again. Life had a funny way of placing into his hands the very thing he never dared to dream would come into his life. He could still see his daddy sneering down at him, telling him all the lies that shattered his young child’s heart. The scars still remained, littering his body like constellations. Each one formed the story of a boy wincing at the sound of a cracking belt, a boy covering his face with his arms as tears silently fell, a boy tending to burn marks in the cover of the night. A boy that grew up believing he was as ugly and worthless as his daddy was.

Despite that, Higgs was starting to come around on the concept that maybe he wasn’t as ugly of a person as he was led to believe. If it were true, then why the hell would Leo be with him? Maybe she was batshit crazy to be with him, the thought had crossed his mind more than a few times. But regardless, he was happy that she chose to stick with him. He remembered the night that he finally revealed his scars to Leo, she held him close, placing gentle kisses on each one, eyelashes glistening with fragments of tears. He didn’t know what she saw in him, but he definitely knew what he saw in her. As Leo coughed, Higgs was brought back to the present moment as he focused his attention and realized that Leo’s orange eyes were peering curiously into his own blues.

“What’re you thinking about, babe? You’ve been staring off like that ever since we passed the hot springs.” Higgs smiled gently in response, then chuckled. “I’m thinking about the fuckin’ food I’ve been carrying on my back for the last half hour. I’m starving!”

Leo scowled at him, teasingly smacking his toned upper arm.

“Dammit, Higgs, didn’t you eat right before we left? Where the hell do you store all that food?”

Higgs turned a mischievous eye to her as he patted her head, the height difference becoming strikingly apparent.

“Well, darlin’, you tell me where you think I store it all.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault you’re freakishly tall.”

“And it’s not mine that you’re adorably short. I’m so glad we’ve had this conversation, but now I’m gonna eat something.”

“No, Higgs, just-just wait a second! Look, that’s the spot right there!”

Leo quickened her pace just a little, walking down the slight hill to a spot next to the riverbank. Small, white flowers grew in the lush grass, giving the area an aura of safety. This portion of the valley hadn’t seen timefall for quite some time, yet had a consistent supply of river water, which led to a unique ecosystem developing. Fauna had begun to return to the valley floor, birds chirped in the taller grass, and small deer ran in the woods where Homo Demens had once declared their base. Higgs still shuttered to think about his time there, as infrequent as it was. Surrounded by men who were just as delusional as he had been, who sought to bring about the same thing he had wanted. As he glanced over to the woods with the ghosts of his past, he let out a sigh of relief knowing that they hadn’t succeeded in their goals. He never would have been here with Leo, watching life return to the mountain base. It almost reflected his own healing, and he wryly smirked at the thought.

____________________

The sun was setting as Leo and Higgs reveled at their picnic spread, the worn Bridges blanket hosting a multitude of food items. Higgs couldn’t even begin to figure out where Leo had sourced it all from. She stood there, hands on hips, grinning at the selection. She was resourceful, and Higgs knew that the local preppers gave her gifts on occasion, but some of the stuff was unheard of. Chocolate? Fresh fruit? Those words alone would have caused Mules to come running from across the region to have a go at claiming it as their own. A wave of satisfaction and pride spread throughout Higgs as he thought about his partner’s success, and the fact that she chose to share it with him. He knew he was one lucky bastard.

The meal consisted of attempts at trying to throw bits of food in each other’s mouths, a few delectable favorites hand fed to the other followed by laughter, and one episode of Leo rolling her eyes when Higgs blew right through an entire loaf of fresh bread that she had procured all the way from the Timefall Farm. The light in the sky changed from yellow to orange, and now bathed the valley in soft shades of lavender as mist slowly filled the basin. Leo gasped as the flicker of a firefly appeared near them, low to the grass, but unmistakable in its glow. One after the other appeared, and soon, Leo and Higgs were surrounded by a field of light. Higgs unwrapped his arms from where he had been holding Leo as they watched the light show, and leaned over to grab the unforgotten guitar from the case. He knew Leo had been waiting for this moment with much patience. Her bright eyes, made even more orange by the fireflies, flickered with anticipation.

“Now don’t get your hopes up. It’s been a long time since I’ve played one of these things, and, well…you never know.” Higgs messed with the tuning, strumming until he seemed satisfied, a peaceful smile washing over his face. Leo, despite his protestations, had always thought Higgs attractive. But now, here in his element, surrounded by the glow of the evening and hair falling over his face, with his blue eyes shining, she thought he was absolutely beautiful.

Higgs broke the silence with a hesitant strum, getting the feel for the strings, forming a melody. It was a full, warm sound, and reverberated in Leo’s heart. Higgs looked up at her as he played, beaming.

“It’s somethin’ I heard on the network the other day. I think you were humming to it, and it kinda reminded me of you.”

He continued playing, and Leo laid on her back, folding her hands underneath her head as she listened. The stars twinkled in the sky, something she would never take for granted after a lifetime of chiralium-filled skies.

“You are the answer to my question

You are my accomplice in a crime…”

Leo sat up and looked over at Higgs, a smile breaking out on her face as she processed that Higgs was singing to her. He was absolutely beaming as he sang, the happiest she had ever seen him.

“You are my wing woman and did I mention

We were together in another life?”

Higgs wasn’t one to vocally voice his emotions, Leo knew that. He showed them through actions, through caring touches, hands on the small of her back, fingers gently moving strands of hair, lips whispering on skin in the dark of the night. Leo was surprised when she felt drops fall on her arms. She hadn’t realized she was crying. Higgs looked up at her, eyes earnestly exploring her own. He held her gaze as he sang the next line.

“…in that dream, you probably were my wife.”

With a final strum, the notes gave way to the quiet noise of the night. Crickets chirped, wind gently caressed the two bodies, and the nearby stream bubbled. Higgs set the guitar down next to him on the blanket, and Leo could see he had a hint of blush on his cheeks. Leaning over, slowly and softly, Higgs reached out and caressed Leo’s face. Thumb running over her cheek, over her lips. He wanted to take in every bit of her that he could. Blue eyes met golden eyes, each hungrily taking the other’s features in. Higgs moved in closer until his nose brushed against hers, lips a breath away. Leo closed the distance, softly kissing him, brushing her fingers against his neck, then running them into his hair. He gave a hum of pleasure at the motion, and broke the kiss, only to rest his forehead against hers.

“Leo, I-I love you…I know I don’t say it much, but I do. I really fuckin’ do. You’re the best thing to ever happen to me, and…I don’t deserve you. I just don’t—“ Leo cut him off with a finger to his lips, eyes brimming with tears.

“Higgs, please….please listen to me. I want you to know that every morning, you’re the first thing I think about. When I open my eyes, you’re the only thing I want to see. At night, I want the feeling of you holding me to be what stays with me as I fall asleep.” Leo couldn’t stop the tears from flowing as she earnestly gazed into his eyes, and she gave a laugh amidst them. “I want to live a thousand lifetimes with you by my side, and….I never want anyone to take your place. Higgs Monaghan, I love you. I fucking love you. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You are my everything.”

The next moment found Higgs and Leo tangled in one another, clothing rapidly abandoned. Tender hands grasping to bring the other closer still, lips writing their own unique love stories on skin. Hands running through hair, hands running down hips, hands staking claim on bodies that willingly offered. Passionate prayers left Higgs’ lips and spread to the sky, prayers offered up at the alter of Leo’s body. Higgs was by no means religious, but at that moment, he found god in the form of the woman gasping his name from underneath him.

___________________________

Lying under the stars with nothing between them and the balmy night air, the two wrapped up in the blanket. Leo rested her head in the crook of Higgs’ shoulder, and he wrapped his arm around her, placing his chin on the top of her head. The night was peaceful, and Leo had never felt safer than she did in Higgs’ embrace. The rise and fall of his chest, rhythmic and soothing, quickly lulled her to sleep. As he lie there, drowsily watching the stars twinkle and absentmindedly rubbing Leo’s shoulder, he thought about how his life led him to this point. How this woman, making soft sighs as she slept, accepted him and loved him with an incredible fierceness, showing him a facet of life he had never known. In that moment, as night in the valley settled and he drifted off to sleep, Higgs knew that for the first time ever, he had a long life to look forward to.

[uclaradio]

Red Baraat with The Higgs @ The Satellite (6/29/18) // Show Review

“The South Asian Red Wedding...Celebration is Coming.”

Article by Pam Gwen

Photos and video by Katy Carolyn Ramage

The Earth and The Moon are natural satellites that aren’t easy to miss. THE Satellite, however, is.

“Wait, wait, wait. Siri says we’ve passed it already.”

My best friends and I whip around Silver Lake Boulevard and finally spot the venue through the dim Marquee labeled, “FRI RED BARAAT & THE HIGGS”  The valet driver charges us $5 dollars. Parking, for a bargain? In Los Angeles?! Ahhh, it’s the simple luxuries in life.

I spot a “Dreams of LA: Food and Spirits” sign, but it is an artifact of the past, worn-down and unlit. Today, the Satellite hosts up-and-coming local bands, comedy nights, and eclectic DJ nights from Gay Asstrology (Cancers enter FREE all Cancer season long) to Dance Yourself Clean (EVERY Saturday).

I motion our UCLA Radio giveaway winners to will-call and congratulate them on scoring tickets. On the dance floor, a crowd is swaying in unison to the Orange County cerebral jam band, the Higgs. The 4-piece band: John Lovero on guitar and vocals, Garrett Morris on drums, David Barsky on bass and vocals, and Jesse August Jennings on synth, keyboard, and organ. Named after the Higgs-Boson particle as it unifies a variety of forces. Similarly, the Higgs fuse the forces of progressive and alternative rock, blues, and reggae in their electrifying songs.

Jennings of The Higgs

Jennings is in his own planet, defying gravity with his fingers as he masterfully glides over his set-up. An electric fan blows his hair in an upwards direction towards a retro fluorescent sign labeled “The Higgs” with an astronaut perched on it. The influences of the Grateful Dead, Phish, and Wilco seep through the oscillating sounds of the Satellite. The Higgs grin at each other and bask in the glory of their alluring set.

My friends and I go up the stairs to the second bar and immediately, five of us sardines in the photo booth. After roaring at the comically claustrophobic photos, I peer through the Satellite’s glass wall that reveals the dance floor. I notice the legends of Red Baraat finally piling on stage.

Red Baraat

Sunny Jain, the frontman of Red Baraat, was born of immigrant Punjabi parents. Jain grew up in Rochester, New York which established his framework for music. His mother played Bhajans (in Hindu this means “sharing”), known for their spiritual ideas and melodic ragas (melodic structures for improvisation in Indian music). Sunny’s father constantly banged his Indian banjo and harmonium to classic Bollywood music. His Jainism background was also combined with the Western influence of his sibling’s love for progressive-rock, pop, and hip-hop.

At age 4, Sunny began learning North Indian percussion and rhythm. Sunny played the Indian tabla, but at age 12 he began learning the vocabulary of jazz through idols like Max Roach and Philly Joe Jones. Growing up, Sunny's teachers encouraged him to drop his Punjabi background and focus on American music theory. Nonetheless, when he began to compose his own music, he knew he wanted to celebrate the inclusivity of his musical backgrounds.

In 2005, Sunny brought his culturally encompassing music to the surface at his own….wedding. He melded North Indian rhythm Bhangra with jazz, rock, hip-hop, and funk along with 30 of his talented musician friends. They performed for Sunny’s baraat. In India and Pakistan, a baraat is a massive marching procession of the groom’s wedding party before they reach the wedding venue. It is a joyous celebration of brass music, singing, stomping, and hand-clapping that can last for 5 hours.

In 2010, Sunny wanted to spread South Asian wedding celebrations to the masses and thus, Red Baraat was born (his mustache, however, was born in 2012). The band name came to fruition because to Sunny, red is a symbol of love, energy, and revolution. They have inspired conservative elderly in walkers in Pennsylvania to get up and dance. Furthermore, they have split their audiences in halves for epic dance battles. The band has cited inspirations from Primus, Miles Davis, Flying Lotus, Gogol Bordello, and Gurdas Maan. NPR has asked Red Baraat to perform for their Tiny Desk Concert series twice and has dubbed them “the best party band in years.” Red Baraat has performed for Obama at the White House, Bonnaroo, the Paraolympics in London, globalFEST, and an exorbitant amount of South Asian weddings.

At the Satellite, Red Baraat begins with chaal rhythm in “Punjabi Wedding Song (Balle Balle)” off of Chaal Baby. The band’s sonic palate is bewitching. The 50-pound gold sousaphone Kenneth Bentley is breathing life and bass into is enchanting. The gigantic sousaphone looks as if it could be its own satellite, its vibrations orbiting the atmosphere of the stage. Unlike Desiigner in his song Panda, Sunny is yelling his version of “rrrrRRAAA” that I find loveable. Full of passion, Sunny freely parades on the stage with a dhol strapped on his shoulder, decorated by white rope and a plethora of black tassels. I have never been privy to a dhol and my initiation to it is mind-blowing. On the double-headed drum, Sunny crafts a tight stampeding pulsation with two uniquely curved sticks.

On June 29th, Red Baraat released their latest album, Sound the People, influenced by the South Asian diaspora. Recorded at Studio G in Brooklyn, New York, the album is Red Baraat’s battle cry -- written weeks after Trump’s inauguration. The patient percussion of “Ghadar Machao” produces goosebumps on my arms. Derived from Arabic, Ghadar means “revolution.” I feel as if I’m at a protest, ready and determined to line-up and congregate. My arms vigorously fist pump to Sonny Singh’s beckoning voice as he sings in Punjabi, to English, and even in Spanish. Red Baraat’s candor on the political climate invigorates the crowd to joyously mourn and mindfully release anger. “Ghadar Machao” is a superb folk anthem of immigrant solidarity.

Tears flow down my cheek, but I wipe them away as the dynamic beginning of “Hey Jamalo” off of Sound the People begins. Its cadence is trance-inducing and forces every single person in the room to dance. Hips are surging, feet are stomping, arms are flailing, and there’s headbanging everywhere. The blending of Sonny Singh’s trumpet and Jonathon Haffner’s soprano saxophone is consuming alongside Chris Eddleton’s explosive drumming. The elements of North Indian Bhangra, New Orleans brass, and ska-punk in “Hey Jamalo” obliterates every box Sunny was advised to conform to as a young musician.

Rays of electric blue light gleams on Jonathan Goldberger during his psychedelic rock guitar shredding on “Moray Gari Suno” off of Sound the People. The track is an homage to 1960’s Chutney music from Trinidad with flavors of Indian and Caribbean music. The charismatic synergy and variety of Sunny, Sonny, Jonathan, Kenneth, Jonathon, and Chris’ personalities permeate the raw energy of Red Baraat. Their individual expertise as a cohesive unit cultivates the visceral sonic textures and booming improvisations of their stellar performance.

Red Baraat falls silent and Sunny invites two personalities from the crowd for a dance-battle on stage. The dancers in the center front shy away to the corners, but a courageous fan in a green shirt gets on stage. A minute or two passes and worry falls on Sunny’s face. In that sliver of a moment, I knew it was time for me to put down my notebook and jump into battle. My pulse raced as I stared into the many eyeballs shooting at me from down below.

I closed my eyes and breathed into the present moment, “It’s a Friday night with no homework, work, responsibilities, and worries. You’re on stage with Red Baraat. You. Got. This.” I opened my eyes to all my best friends, partner, and the crowd cheering me on. In a flash, the raucous of “Shruggy Ji” embroiders itself into my veins and overtakes the entirety of my ligaments. I stare into my opponent’s eyes and we both laugh. The members of Red Baraat are smiling and parading around the stage. Accompanied by their presence on stage, I feel as if I’m floating and in a utopian dimension of ecstasy and triumph.

Pam Gwen, a dancing queen, with Red Baraat

As I disembark on stage and reenergize, Red Baraat is instantly revitalized and to the next song. Sunny powerfully grabs the mic and announces, “Now this next track is Punjabi bluegrass. The original track is “Gora Mukra” meaning “fair-skinned face”, but we’ve inverted it to “Kala Mukra” meaning “dark-skinned face.” It is an act of defiance against glamorizations of white skin, subjecting women’s potential to only marriage, and a bunch of other shit like that. Let’s party.” “

Ingrained with a colonial mentality growing up, I was adamant about scrubbing my brown skin off with papaya soap to achieve the fair-skin my Filipino culture idolized. In the past year, I have found that locating myself in my Filipinx heritage has helped me formulate who I can become. “Kala Mukra” is my hymn of postcolonial consciousness. Within each measure, I feel an inner emotional and spiritual catharsis.

“Kala Mukra” features Ali Sethi and is murderous and frenetic. The track’s preamble is Sonny, Jonathon, and Kenneth’s feverish trumpets, the heartbeat is Chris and Sunny’s frantic percussion, and Jonathan’s spiraling Afro-Carribean groove riff is the comedown.

As I look around the variety of beautiful skin colors around me, I find healing. As the bridge of “Apna Punjab Hove” begins, my friend, who hasn’t been dancing much tonight, begins tearing up the dance floor. My friends and I know that he is a professional Indian wedding dancer and we go berserk -- we’ve never seen him dance in the flesh before. As we circle around him, a woman in a kurti and another in a blue pin-up dress begin doing classical Indian dance moves. To their left, two men pair up and do Bhangra, a Punjabi-style dance. From beginning to end, Red Baraat puts its crowd into a loving trance, lulling us into hedonistic dancing for what seems like an eternity. Their infectious and magnetizing energy is an experience in itself. A sense of world peace is exposure to Red Baraat’s revolutionary and humanitarian virtuosity.

[another-dream-brother]

Can't remember anything at all Flame trees lined the street Can't remember anything at all But I'm driving my car down to Geneva I've been sitting in my basement patio It was hot Up above the girls walk past Their roses all in bloom Have you ever heard about the Higgs Boson Blues? I'm going down to Geneva baby Gonna teach it to you Who cares, who cares what the future brings? Black road long and I drove and drove Came upon a crossroad The night was hot and black I see Robert Johnson With a ten dollar guitar Strapped to his back Looking for a tune Ah, well here comes Lucifer with his canon law And a hundred black babies running from his genocidal jaw He got the real killer groove Robert Johnson and the devil, man Don't know who's gonna rip off who Driving my car Flame trees on fire Sitting and singing The Higgs Boson Blues I'm tired, I'm looking for a spot to drop All the clocks have stopped in Memphis now And the Lorraine Motel is hot It's hot, that's why they call it the hot spot I take a room with a view Hear a man preaching in a language that's completely new Making the hot cots in the flop-house bleed While the cleaning ladies sob into their mops And the bellhop hops and bops As a shot rings out To a spiritual groove Everybody bleeding To the Higgs Boson Blues And if I die tonight Bury me in my favourite yellow patent leather shoes And with a mummified cat And a cone-like hat That the Caliphate forced on the Jews Can you feel my heart beat? Can you feel my heart beat? Hannah Montana does the African Savannah As the simulated rainy season begins She curses the queue at the zoo loos And moves on to Amazonia Cries with the dolphins The Mai-Mai eat the pigmy, the pigmy eat the monkey The monkey has a gift that he is sending back to you Look! Here come the missionary With his smallpox and flu Saving them savages with his Higgs Boson Blues I'm driving my car down to Geneva Oh let the damn day break Rainy days always make me sad Miley Cyrus floats in a swimming pool in Taluca Lake And you're the best girl I ever had Can't remember anything at all

[jcmarchi]

The 5 Most Normal Things I Could Find That Death Stranding 2 Trailer

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/the-5-most-normal-things-i-could-find-that-death-stranding-2-trailer/

The 5 Most Normal Things I Could Find That Death Stranding 2 Trailer

Death Stranding 2: On The Beach’s latest trailer is aggressively bizarre. In 9 minutes and 40 seconds, the video assaults us with talking stop-motion puppets, sentient gloves wrapped around people’s necks, throat babies vomiting out spaceships, a samurai that sounds like an infant, and somehow, Higgs returned. 

It’s so densely packed with weird stuff that, upon repeat viewings, I actually had to go out of my way to pinpoint anything remotely mundane. In a humorous turn of events, Death Stranding 2 is so overwhelmingly odd that every eye-brow-raising visual element is par for the course. Anything that isn’t a black oil-covered tube baby with a hilariously literal moniker voiced by Troy Baker is now the minority and, in turn, the “weird” stuff. They’re not easy to spot, so I took the liberty of doing it for you. Here are all the normal/boring/remarkably tame elements the trailer has to offer. 

Fragile’s Water Bottle

Fragile uses this bottle to clean the tar off a mysterious person, which was encased in a cocoon-like shell early in the trailer. She might have filled it with water mixed with some dish soap. Maybe Dawn, since the commercials say they’re good for cleaning oil spill victims. I was waiting for the straw to do the macarena or for babies to pour out of it instead of water, but since neither happened (yet), that makes it a refreshingly dull liquid delivery device.

Guns

It’s kind of surprising that weapons are relatively conventional in this strange universe (poop grenades aside). Combat was my least favorite aspect of Death Stranding, so I’m not thrilled to see that Sam is still packing enough heat to take down an army of ink monsters. I look forward to not using them as often as possible; I need more room to carry my boxes, anyway. 

Trees

The phrase “If trees could talk” has never resonated more than now. I would love their commentary on what it felt like watching the U.S. deteriorate from “It’s pretty weird here” to “We don’t even know if we occupy the same plane of existence anymore, God help us.” 

Wall Pipe

Perhaps the most memorable moment of this trailer is when Higgs (who now resembles The Crow if he were a Cyberpunk 2077 character) uses his electric guitar sword thing to battle an imposing samurai who makes baby noises. You were probably too busy absorbing all of that nonsense to notice this perfectly regular wall pipe that just wants to do normal pipe things and not get involved in this foolishness.

Cooking Pan 

Given the close-up this pan gets, I’m honestly surprised it wasn’t used as a branding opportunity. Maybe some fan has already magnified the image to reveal an OD release date carved on the pan’s bottom. If not, though, the pan itself seems uninteresting; what Sam is cooking with it, though, remains in question. He’s probably sauteeing those weird floating worm things. 

That’s it. That’s all I could find. I can’t trust anything else in this game because everything is weird and probably has a baby inside of it. That desert? Likely a baby. The giant moon? It’s alive and probably has Mads Mikkelsen’s face on the other side of it (Kojima will name him something cheeky like “Majora’s Mads” or something). The floating soldiers represent every celebrity Kojima has lured into his studio’s body-scanning machine; their souls are now trapped within the strand. We have to free them. 

I don’t know what Death Stranding 2: On the Beach is. Hell, I still can’t confidently explain Death Stranding 1, and I finished it. I just know that, whatever it winds up being, I really, really want to play it.