#hi zabuza :)

[backatitagainatichirakus]

Obkk au in which Obito has a bit less self control and openly stalks Kakashi when he's out of the village (he's not dumb enough to let people find out he can get inside Konoha anytime he wants) and it's a whole thing.

In canon everybody always recognizes Kakashi everywhere he goes. "The copy nin" "Kakashi of the Sharingan" in this au everyone knows that everywhere Kakashi goes, the weirdo with the mask is never far behind. It's even on the bingo book, "Hatake Kakashi. Sharingan user, Ninjutsu specialist. Signature jutsu: chidori. Last living student of the fourth Hokage. Constantly shadowed by a masked man."

It's driving everybody nuts. Danzo tried to kill Kakashi once, sent his root agents after him and they were slaughtered before they could even make contact. There was a note on one of them with a doodle of the stalker's mask.

The Hokage can't afford to keep one of his best soldiers inside the village, so every time Kakashi departs he does it in disguise, through hidden exits. Yet no matter what they try, the moment Kakashi steps outside the masked man is there, sitting on a branch, staring at him silently.

He never looks away.

Konan and Nagato pity him (and also are EXTREMELY confused).

At first Kakashi used to attack him, but his attacks went through him and he thought he was going nuts until one mission he went out with a team and turned out they could see him too, and they also could not touch him.

The man never spoke, never attacked.

Until Kakashi almost takes a sword to the back, but instead of the pain of steel breaking through armor and flesh, he only feels a warm spray of blood hitting the back of his neck. He turns, startled, and sees his stalker, closer than ever before, holding the freshly ripped off head of the enemy Shinobi that almost took his life.

When the information that the man would interfere if Kakashi's life was truly in danger, the smartest people ran the moment Kakashi showed up. The others lost their lives, usually by Kakashi's hand. The other times the masked man would interfere and easily dispose of those threats.

Kakashi got attacked almost exclusively with genjutsu and paralytics afterwards, always aiming to incapacitate, never to kill. Which was very annoying in Kakashi's opinion, but after a few years he got used to it.

Needless to say, the wave mission went very differently, with Zabuza cursing to high heavens the moment he recognizes who he is facing.

What the hell is he supposed to do now, the man's speciality is silent assassination. Killing is so easy, too easy. He's been doing it since he was five, he's a prodigy at it! He doesn't know how to incapacitate in a way that doesn't end up with someone losing a limb. What if he hits Kakashi too hard and the guy drops dead, huh? What then?

A few meters away, Haku sits on a branch besides the famous masked man, staring down at a group of bemused genin and one old man, an extremely embarrassed jounin, and Zabuza pacing in front of them, ranting and cursing and swinging kurikiribōchō around.

[every-kakashi]

[zentriii]

bro are u not running out of air–

[mossphorescent]

Happy Birthday Kakuzu 🥳🥳🥳

To celebrate please enjoy this edit of a pic from the Rock Lee spinoff made to look like he is actually wearing a bikini

Original ↓

[bizawa-art]

not pictured: sakura absolutely showing naruto and sasuke up post chunin exams with her new big sword skills she learned from the big sword master himself

[reposhillo]

Last thing I'll curse this tag with

And yes, that is Obito gasping dramatically in the background of the sheer audacity of Kakashi to find another dark haired enemy to engage with

[fireflylitsky]

:3c I couldn't pick so I had to narrow it down to three

AnFuu Jack of All trades (Undead Unluck)

Kai Fuwa - Fixing Overhaul (BNHA)

ZabuTema Abandon Reason

askldfjksadjh I am surprised by the selection?? Very well then :3

Okay Jack of All Trades is a medical kink one shot in which Andy casually divulges he has a PhD (because the man has been alive forever and apparently is good at everything) and offers to give Fuuko a checkup since she probably hasn't had one since before her Unluck ability developed. Fuuko is both mortified and tempted, as she's been concerned with one thing in particular regarding her sexual health for a while now...

Aaaaand snippet time (this one is very wip):

“Oh my god…” Fuuko hisses, face flashing red. “I have to go.”

“No, you don’t,” he calls her out with a laugh. “But hey, if all your stuff is in working order, then alright.”

Yeah. That was the problem. It wasn’t really—not all her stuff, anyway.

She looks at him with a moment of pause, chewing at her lip. “Y-Yeah. No, of course it is.”

Andy raises a brow. “You lyin’?”

“No!” 

“Yeah, you lyin’.” He sighs, leaning back in his chair. “So what’s the issue?”

“It’s… it’s nothing,” she denies, feeling the burn of her cheeks.

Andy’s face take on a wolfish sort of amusement. “That don’t look like nothin’, Fuuko.”

She huffs indignantly. “Nothing important, okay? All the necessary parts that keep me alive are working just fine and that’s what matters.”

“C’mon,” he chuffs. “All of you matters.”

“Andy…”

“Just tell me.”

“Do you promise not to laugh?”

“Sure.”

“I mean it, Andy.”

“Hey, that makes two of us. You stallin’ for time or what, sweetheart?”

“I… God… I don’t even know how to say this…”

“You got some sorta bowel movement problem or somethin’? IBS?”

“What? No. No, it’s nothing like that. I… this is stupid—I don’t know that it’s even worth mentioning. I doubt you could even do anything about it.”

“Whoa now, pretty hasty in doubtin’ me like that. Keep it up and I’ll get all offended.”

“Well unless you’re a gynecologist, it shouldn’t be all that offensive I’ll have you know!” she blurts, hands fisted at her side and mouth snapping into a tight light, a hot breath puffing from her nostrils.

Well, beans. That just kinda slipped out now, didn’t it?

She expects some snappy zinger back. Like ‘Oh ho, I know the female body intimately’, but instead his mouth pulls into a frown.

“You alright?” he asks, brows pulling together with concern.

“I–yeah…” she mumbles, staring at the floor which is much easier than Andy’s scrutinizing face. 

“Hey." There isn't an ounce of humor or judgment in his voice. “You should tell me what’s goin’ on, I do know some stuff—no bullshit or funny business. I might be able to help.”

“Andy…” she mutters, tipping her eyes up reluctantly. 

“Look, ya don’t gotta be embarrassed,” he assures. “Whatever’s botherin’ ya, well that means it’s botherin’ me too. We could use one of Nico’s labs. Easy. Make it real legit, put you in a gown and all that good stuff.”

“I don’t know, Andy…” she whines. He’s so… comforting? He makes it so darn hard to tell him no. Does she even really want to tell him no? “I mean it, i-it’s really not important. Not in the grand scheme of things.”

His brows angle sternly and he leans in and down, almost even with her height. “I mean it too. Quit tellin’ me you're not important before I do somethin’ stupid.”

“Wh-wha? Like what?”

“Haven’t decided yet,” he hums. Somehow it sounds like a threat coming from him. She doesn’t want to find out to be honest. Surely it’d be embarrassing for her, whatever he decides.

“Okay, fine!” Fuuko caves, throwing her arms up in  exasperation. “I can’t…” she swallows thickly, the words don’t come out. “Look, I-I can’t say. Will you just… I don’t know…. maybe if I just had a regular exam you’d figure out what’s wrong with me?”

“Sure,” he agrees easily. “Ain’t nothin’ 'wrong with you', but sure, Fuuko. Whatever gets ya there.”

Gods, if he only knew how on the nose that is… Nothing is getting her there. That’s the problem. She can’t freaking orgasm. Never has, and odds are looking slim at this point that she ever will. She hears it’s lovely though.

As for the Zabu/Tema fic, that's an enemies to lovers pairing set in an AU where Zabuza and Haku live. Temari (an adult at this point) is investigating a series of disappearances when she comes across this asshole, Zabuza, also investigating the same thing. (Haku and Kimimaro, who he's raised, are both among the missing.) They agree to set aside their differences and work together to infiltrate this complex trafficking operation. It focuses much more on an undercover scenario than fighting.

Snip snappet:

When Zabuza finally passes through the beaded curtain doorway, Temari makes it a point to keep her breath even. Not a sigh of relief in sight, despite the tension shedding away from her shoulders. It took him long enough.

She’s doing her thing, trailing fingers down some guy’s arm so he can feel important as she smiles and finishes delivering his drink. The man thanks her with a yellowed grin and beady eyes that linger on her chest. He’s like all the rest here.

Just as she does any other night, Temari bows–smiles without teeth, appreciative and demure–and pulls back to survey the room for anyone else in need of assistance.

She locks eyes with Zabuza from across the busy, smoke-filled expanse, and a silent acknowledgement passes between them–the plan is in motion and they both have their parts to play. Fucking up in not an option, not when they’ve come this far.

The bristle of nerves Temari feels is annoying at best and she quickly tamps them down. Putting on this act in front of him is no different than anyone else. Just part of the job.

Leaning back in a plush, red velvet chair, Zabuza has his legs splayed like he owns the place. That’s perfect, because the man he’s impersonating basically does. His eyes are on her and he lazily lifts a hand, elbow still leaning on the arm of the chair, two fingers gesturing for her to bring him a drink. 

A weight on Temari’s shoulder draws her attention from Zabuza and to the familiar and unpleasant face of her ‘boss’, Sato, behind her. “That man is very important,” he murmurs, his fingers curling and digging into her clavicle. “You’ll be a good girl and take good care of him.”

Barf.

“Of course, sir.” She smiles so sweetly he can’t even tell she’s choking back bile. Moving to walk away, she finds herself halted, his hand catching her by the jaw, squishing her cheeks to pull her in close.

“When I say good, I mean very good. I mean you’ll give him anything he wants, understand, sweetheart?” he asks, the stench of his breath now in her nose and it is distinctly unforgivable. Luckily for her, the silly contortion of whatever he’s doing to her face hides her disgust. 

So silver linings, or something.

She tries to answer, “yes sir,” but finds nodding to be nominally easier, so she ends up sticking with that.

He smiles, loosening his grip and patting her cheek like maybe he thinks she’s a dog–a good one–and she half-expects him to fish a treat from his pocket and chuck it at her face. 

Instead Sato pushes a highball glass filled with premium whiskey into her hands–neat. “Take this to him.”

Again, she agrees with practiced submission and he eats it right up.

Good boy, she thinks. Despite the nasty little cretin he is, everything is going perfectly, so she can’t complain too much.

She takes the glass and feels those nerves again. They’re bubbling in her gut and they almost come out as some sort of psycho laughter. It’s difficult not to smile when she returns her gaze to Zabuza—some giddiness at their batshit plan actually working so far—but his is pitched sternly and unwavering. 

It straightens her out immediately. It’s almost intimidating, the way he’s looking at her, and she can’t help but feel like he’s playing his part a little too well.

That’s fine, she decides, because she will too.

With one whiskey in hand, she weaves her way across the room, hips swiveling and shoes clacking against bamboo floors. Her and Zabuza don’t break their stare and she notices every time it appraises her up and down.

"Sir?" she greets on her approach. “I hope this is to your liking.” Just as she’s trained, she leans in, allowing him a nice view as she touches his arm with a friendly caress.

He’s just like anyone else, she reminds herself.

Zabuza takes the drink without a word and looks at the hand she’s laid on him, then back to her face. After a long pause, he takes a sip. Temari is waiting for him to pull her onto his lap like they planned so she can discreetly go over important details with him, but of course, he is busy being an ass.

“Sir?” she prods sweetly through gritted teeth.

He takes another sip and a deep breath through his nose. “Fine,” he says on the exhale before reaching out, his hand finding the small of her back and pulling her onto his lap. He’s not exactly gentle and she stumbles into straddling him. 

There’s a flicker of a glare from her. It’s not enough to be noticed by anyone else, but it’s enough to put a smirk on his stupid face.

“You’re late.” She’s annoyed and wants an explanation, but her words don’t match the rest of her. She’s looking up at him from beneath thick lashes, blinking patiently in waiting and steadying herself against him with hands splayed and sweeping across his broad chest.

Zabuza examines her keenly. She isn’t used to being this close to him and she certainly isn’t used to him without his face wrappings. Her nerves flare once more and she hopes they don’t show. 

The corner of Zabuza’s mouth quirks up the slightest bit as he leans in slowly, nosing into her hair. “This little act of yours has gotten pretty convincing, Kuniochi,” Zabuza murmurs, mouth to her ear so no one can read his lips.

“It’s always been this convincing,” Temari counters, allowing her hips to settle just a little lower onto his. It never leaves her mind that she has eyes on her, and every move she makes must be perfect. “You just haven’t seen it before. Doesn’t bother you, does it?”

“Do I look bothered to you?” He pulls back just enough to be met with his gaze and she studies it coolly. It’s as cold and hard as his blade and his mouth pressed into a tight line—a feature she doesn’t often see, so she lingers there a moment longer.“You look as you always do,” she finally answers, tapping her index thoughtfully against his lips before allowing that fingertip to trail down to his chin and rest in the small dimple there, “so yes.”

[meatsaww]

Scene redraws

Idk, I’m kind of proud of them. Not good at rendering but I tried.

Enjoy.

[orcelito]

I've been working on Finally finishing Naruto Shippuden (after being a Naruto fan for nearly 15 years), & I just finished episode 420. And I have some THOUGHTS about the "Naruto is the reincarnation of Ashura" thing. This started as just me rambling for my normal liveblog posting, but I had a LOT of thoughts about this actually, so I am presenting them to u all Now.

So. Naruto meeting the Sage of Six Paths! Cool!!! I'm finally learning about Naruto being the reincarnation of Ashura, which... honestly is not a choice that I like very much. Narratively speaking, I mean. The Point of Naruto's journey was that he was the underdog, the bottom of his class, the orphan that everyone hated and made fun of. Through hard work and perseverance, he managed to drag himself from being a complete social outcast to someone generally really loved and respected. That's compelling!!! It means a lot!!!

But then the show is like. "Oh...actually, he's the son of the fourth hokage. And Also, he's the reincarnation of the son of the literal creator of ninshuu aka the precursor of modern ninjutsu." I mind him being Minato's son less as a narrative choice (for reasons I will get into shortly), but making him Ashura's reincarnation?? I've got Several things that bug me about that.

So First, for him being Minato's son. It's not like that's ever Actually given him any sort of status (since most people don't know), & Minato was also kind of just a random guy?? Just incredibly skilled, enough so to become the 4th hokage. And then there's also Kushina, descended from a very successful and very Feared clan that ended up almost entirely killed bc of that fear. Naruto being an Uzumaki means great power, huge chakra reserves (not even including the extra chakra he gets from Kurama), & some innate skills (that Naruto mostly didn't inherit, but one can play pretend sometimes). BUT ALSO, they were almost entirely killed off. He's a survivor of his clan's genocide that happened well before he was even born, and he doesn't even REALIZE it yet. So even though being Minato's son means he's the son of a very influential person, it doesn't give him the same leverage as being a Senju or Uchiha would. And the clan he Does belong to bc of Kushina does not give him status either, bc they're almost all fuckin Dead. And we know that Minato is a Namikaze, but as for what that actually *means*.... it's basically nonexistent. There is no mention of a Namikaze clan. Minato was just a prodigy in his own right.

SO.... All that is to say that while appending Naruto's orphan story with a "well, Actually, his parents were very powerful and well respected" does discount it a little bit, it's still not Especially unique in terms of what other people in their world may experience (there are other descendants of current and/or former kage + Many other powerful clans running around) OR in the benefits that it gives him (essentially nothing, outside of his physical strength and the inheritance of Kurama himself)(which inheriting Kurama did grant him access to IMMENSE power, but it also was the source of So Much of his suffering growing up, so I think it balances out).

The "reincarnation of Ashura, son of the Sage of Six Paths" thing tho... that one really kinda does. At that point, Naruto is no longer just the orphaned son of two respected shinobi & the current jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi (something special, but not entirely original, given that there are Other jinchuuriki who are descendants of powerful shinobi). He is now something that NO ONE ELSE ALIVE can be. It is saying that He, above Everyone Else, is special in this way. Outside of Sasuke lol, but I'll touch on that in a moment.

It just feels kinda cheap. It's cool I guess, but at this point it feels like we've completely lost the Plucky Orphan who works hard to overcome his circumstances plot. It's saying that he was Always one of a kind, he was Always destined to become Someone Special (or that he was, in fact, special the whole time). It removes the importance of his hard work in the equation. It makes it so that this is no longer something he earned for himself, but rather something that was a Given, since he is, of course, Ashura's reincarnation.

Cheap. It's cheap. And I don't like it.

Then we get into Sasuke being the reincarnation of Indra. Which I haven't gotten to that yet in the show, but I know from seeing it around. I do enjoy the sun and moon aesthetic between Naruto and Sasuke (so SO much, in fact), but. Making Sasuke the reincarnation of the Other son of the Sage of Six Paths is... frustrating? In several ways. There is of course the fact that Naruto and Sasuke have such extremely gay vibes (and Always Have), so making them the reincarnations of brothers so late in the story feels like an insult to anyone who reads their relationship in that way. Which to be fair, we do see Naruto mention at a few points that he thinks of Sasuke like a brother, but it's only a few points + feels like a kind of narrative cop-out. Sasuke himself said he doesn't think of Naruto in that way (though that could also be his self-denial speaking & it could change. Haven't gotten that far yet.), & I think there are much better choices for Naruto's "brother" figure (primarily Iruka, but people like Killer Bee and any of the other konoha 12 would be fitting too). Personally, it feels like Naruto was trying to put a name to his very strong feelings for Sasuke, & since he doesn't realize being gay is an option (since Kishimoto is clearly homophobic & made this ninja society to reflect that), he settled on Brother. But Sasuke is like "what the fuck? No, my only brother is Itachi." Instead, Sasuke has called Naruto his best friend. Which also doesn't fully encompass their relationship, but it's still closer than Brother.

So here we are, Kishimoto saying around 555 episodes into the plot (only 80 more to go) that they're actually the reincarnations of brothers. And not just any brothers. THE sons of the Sage of Six Paths. Incredibly influential, incredibly powerful, two sides of the same coin and very historically significant figures. Sasuke always had the "descended from an elite, yet disgraced clan" thing going for him, so in my opinion it doesn't hold the same kind of insult to his story that it does for Naruto. But it still feels like an insult to THEIR story.

Naruto and Sasuke were just two orphan boys. Their moms were best friends, but they didn't know that. They died when they were too young. But Naruto and Sasuke still gravitated towards one another. Understood each other like no one else. And got on each other's nerves like no one else. But that irritation stemmed from their genuine admiration of each other. They wanted to be able to beat each other. They became Rivals. And it was on their own terms. No one else pushed them together. Outside of them ending up on the same team, their entire relationship was fueled by their recognition of one another, Jealousy of one another, and the simple enjoyment of being around one another. They were the ones to decide the importance of their relationship. Sasuke recognizing Naruto as his closest friend & thus thinking he was the one he had to cut off to achieve power, and Naruto recognizing Sasuke as his first peer that acknowledged him, a precious bond he finally made, and thus someone he had to cling to FIERCELY. That was all them.

But here we are. They're a reincarnated set. The sun and the moon, but Officially. One could say soulmates in a way, in a non-romantic kind of context (considering the first iteration was a pair of brothers). While this is cool from a story standpoint, it really takes some significance away from their relationship to me. It makes it less of something they chose for themselves and more of a given. Pretty much just like Naruto being Ashura's reincarnation cheapens his own story, it cheapens their relationship too.

I dont want a story about two boys who were destined to be important to each other!!!! I want a story about two orphans who just happened to become important to one another thru a series of coincidences and personal choices. In that way, their relationship gains greater gravity bc it's born from their own hearts Alone. It's Naruto moving mountains for the sake of this boy he loves, and it's Sasuke finally coming back around bc of the force of Naruto's dedication. It means so much more than the implication that they were always meant to be a pair. So I really don't like this narrative choice.

[princeofuchiha]

Possessed sword au but it's just Kisame and Zabuza watching Shizuma try to recreate the 7 swordsmen with their heads in their hands

[every-kakashi]

[hisnamewasphil]

Zabuza really is a demon

[zentriii]

HE SKEWERED HIM ?????

[spooky-kakashi]

Idk how we could forget that in its very first arc naruto said corporations are bad actually and we all just forgot because naruto and sasuke kept getting weirder about each other

[ao3fujoshevik]

oh my mind is so huge and has so many folds

[everynart]