#hi guys it’s been a minute! holy SHIT so much has happened today. roller coaster of a tuesday

[happi-tree]

. 🍃🌊

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 236: Mr. Stark I Don’t

Previously on BnHA: We kicked off Year Five Of This Bullshit with another Tomura flashback! Once upon a time there was a boy named Tenko. Little Tenko was very cute and happened to have a real prick of a father who forbid his kids from talking about heroes and punished them severely when they broke that rule. Like, he locked Tenko outside for hours and even fucking hit him when he found out he looked at that picture of Nana. It was super fucked up and very unpleasant to read, and on top of that Horikoshi peppered the entire chapter with hints that the supposedly quirkless Tenko was slowly developing his Decay quirk, so much of the chapter was also spent waiting for that shoe to drop. The chapter ended with a sobbing Tenko hugging his dog Mon-chan (a very good boy) and thinking that he hated everyone, as the scene slowly faded to black. After that we don’t know what happened. Presumably Mon-chan went to live on a farm with lots of other puppies where he could spend the rest of his days in cute doggy bliss. I’m sure Horikoshi will allow me to continue indulging in this theory.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi doesn’t let me indulge in shit! Horikoshi is all “lol bitch you thought!!” Horikoshi shows us the dead dog!! Horikoshi shows us the scared and sobbing child! Horikoshi shows us the sister! Horikoshi shows us the grandma and grandpa and the mom! Meanwhile poor Kotaro is all, “I suddenly wonder where my whole family has gone,” and goes outside and sees All Of That and is horror-struck. Through a series of terrible but also hilarious coincidences he accidentally smacks Tenko with a big stick, and Tenko suddenly realizes he’d like nothing more than to just STRAIGHT UP!! MURDER HIS DAD!! and so he does. And that’s basically it, guys. That’s my summary of the chapter. I would also like to add that for some reason I ended up fucking loving it in the end, though it was a real roller coaster back and forth until those last few pages. So yeah. Might want to steer clear of me, because I’m sure that’s some kind of red flag there. This motherfucking chapter, guys. I don’t even know.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added one or two ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

thank you anon but rest assured I’m already filled with a deep and profound dread. so we’re good

oh. heh

well that’s just. okay. sure. so a whole nother chapter of this. okay yeah that’s great

oh sweet jesus mary joseph oh shit oh fuck oh SHIT

THAT’S NOT A FARM!! HORIKOSHI!! WE HAD A DEAL! YOU SET ME UP

holy shit!?!? and this is only the start of the chapter oh god. oh god oh god. MR. STARK I DON’T

no thank you I want to return it. reason: item exactly as described. I don’t know what I was expecting. we knew exactly what was going to happen. but I still -- !!

how is the anime going to show this?? no one even wants to watch the senseless blood and violence for once. does Japan do those warning things where a “the following program includes scenes of graphic violence that may be disturbing to some viewers” screen appears before the thing airs? if not they should probably consider it. maybe change “some” to “all”, because let’s be real

anyway so guys I’m waiting for Horikoshi to email me my free shipping label so I can send this back, but in the meantime let’s continue to read I guess

WOW

THAT’S A DEAD DOG. THAT DOG IS LYING IN PIECES IN A POOL OF HIS OWN BLOOD, HUFFING HIS LAST HUFFS. HORIKOSHI REALLY DREW THAT. THAT IMAGE WAS BURNED INTO TENKO’S MIND FOR THE REST OF HIS EXISTENCE AND NOW I GET TO LIVE WITH IT AS WELL. WELL THAT’S JUST REALLY FUCKING GREAT. YIPPY SKIPPY

OH JOY

HANA GO BACK INSIDE, IF HORIKOSHI GRAPHICALLY DRAWS YOU BEING BLOWN INTO CHUNKS BY THIS FUCKING QUIRK I’M FUCKING DONE AND I QUIT. AND I KIND OF NEED TO CONTINUE UNTIL I AT LEAST LEARN BAKUGOU’S FUCKING HERO NAME, SO I’M COUNTING ON YOU HERE OKAY

by the way, this is weird though. because that didn’t look anything like the prior instances where we’ve seen Tomura use his quirk! there was no crumbling apart, no dust ominously drifting away on the breeze. it was more like poor Mon-chan just kind of fell apart into pieces. is this because the quirk is still developing and not yet at full power? or is this more AFO shenanigans in play. it at least explains why it was plausible for their hands to be intact once everything was said and done though

really I’m just trying to talk myself into believing that this didn’t actually happen and is all some grand fucked up psych out and his family is actually fine. I saw this post going around about Tenko’s mole (you know, the one on his chin) not being present in all the scenes last chapter, and the theory was that the scenes where he doesn’t have the mole were not actually real and were implanted by AFO. I personally think this is a reach, but I’m also prepared to 100% subscribe to this theory if and when anything happens to this precious baby girl when I click to the next page you guys. we shall see

okay so Hana’s apologizing because I guess she’s the one that ratted him out to their dad? girl it’s okay you were under a lot of pressure. it’s not like it’s your fault Kotaro flew off the deep end and started beating your brother

anyways but this is currently the least of your worries though oh god. she hasn’t noticed yet, and Tenko’s sobbing and trying to talk to her but his voice isn’t working??

is that because he’s traumatized, or because this is in fact a fake memory? not being able to warn a beloved person of an imminent danger is basic nightmares 101, I’m just saying. I’m actually a bit more convinced than I was just a minute ago

anyway so now she sees the dead dog, and I have a new least favorite panel in the entire series, great

hello, I hate everything about this. what the actual fuck

now she’s turning to run and I SWEAR TO GOD if Tenko instinctively reaches out to grab her... shit. I fucking...

-- WHAT DID I JUST -- !! !!!

son of a bitch. fuck. I’m literally frozen in place and having trouble willing myself to scroll down to see the rest of this. like, can we seriously just stop here. fuck!!

shit. I need a minute. holy fucking shit. I want an actual apology from Horikoshi, and an explanation for why he thought his readers apparently lacked the imagination to fill in the rest of the blanks themselves. like, I was perfectly fine with all of this just being Very Much Implied, dude. seriously

fuck me. I’m just gonna do it. power through the rest of the chapter and assess the resulting psychological damage once it’s all over and done with. okay deep breath. we’re going in

oh honey. oh baby no. oh my god the “crack crack” sound effects again, and the lines of blood appearing oh god

and of course he didn’t realize what was happening at first, didn’t realize it was him. honey it’s not your fault. but you now officially have Murder Rights to All for One, and if anyone else gets to deal the final blow I will fucking sue

hahaha, fuck

at least he didn’t go into the same level of detail as with the fucking dog. but I’m still calling the police, holy shit

if anything, Tenko’s reaction actually makes this even worse than Mon-chan’s death, though. and you know, also the fact that it was a six-year-old girl. who died terrified and in agony and not knowing why this was happening to her. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

somewhere Ito Junji is reading this and wishing he’d come up with this shit. Nakayama Masaaki is taking notes. Stephen King is waking up in a cold sweat thinking to himself that for some reason he really wants to start reading shounen manga all of a sudden

sob now everyone is running outside except for his father. of course. saving the best for last. it’s almost as though someone fucking engineered all of this to make it as psychologically damaging to the kid as possible! but who could possibly be twisted enough to do something like that? oh hey there All for One, you sure look happy. why are you smiling so much. what do you mean, it’s a secret. you son of a bitch

hey do you guys want to see the expression of a mother seeing her youngest child screaming and sobbing and covered in blood and surrounded by the bloodied remains of a dead dog and something else that is hopefully unidentifiable because if not holy shit for real? anyways, do you? you don’t? sure you do. Horikoshi thinks you do, so here it is

t-minus five seconds before the level of Horrifying escalates yet again! five... four... three...

oh shit??

did he do that thing again?? disintegrate them without even touching?? or did we just jump-cut to right afterward? because if it’s the latter, you mean to tell me we did that with the mom and grandparents but couldn’t do it with Hana and the dog!? and if it’s the former then that’s really interesting though, because I was under the impression he’d been incapable of that until just a few chapters ago when the grown-up him awakened the ability in the middle of Deika City. maybe it’s something he can only do when under extreme mental duress

oh wait, never mind, I scrolled a bit further down and it seems like his mom is still alive. I guess that was Hana he was reaching out towards there. anyways so here’s his mom’s horrified face again

actually, wait. before we click to the next page, let me go back to the four panels right above these, because this is actually really interesting and deserves more analysis

I really like this actually. Horikoshi acknowledging that even though his mother and grandparents were very kind and loving, they were still complicit in his suffering in a way because they knew what was going on, and they let it happen. this is actually huge, and I’m really grateful to Horikoshi for calling attention to it and pointing out how damaging that was. I’m actually very pleasantly surprised to see it acknowledged

but maybe I shouldn’t be, because this is after all something that’s very important to the story’s themes of heroism. my thoughts immediately ran to Horikoshi’s own favorite hero, Spider-Man, and the whole “with great power comes great responsibility” thing. if someone needs help, and you’re in a position where you could do something but you choose to not take action, then you do bear some responsibility for what follows. “when you can do the things that I can, but you don’t, and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you”

just, this is a theme that has always resonated with me, and one of the most important themes of hero stories in general. and obviously I’m not saying Tenko’s mom and grandparents are in any way bad people, or that what happened is their fault, because it’s not! but all the same they could have done something and they didn’t, and if you were to ask me what I think is the most essential, defining aspect of what makes someone a hero, I would say it’s that. the difference between stepping in, and not stepping in. if you were to boil it down to one single point, that would be it. a hero is someone who helps

anyway. so I really like that. maybe I won’t send this chapter back after all

OR MAYBE I WILL AND NEVER FUCKING MIND!! I DON’T!! FEEL SO GOOD!! MR. STARK!!

holy shit you guys. I have no words. somewhere the person who wrote Mufasa’s death scene is taking notes. the person who wrote Littlefoot’s mom’s death is shook. the person who wrote Bambi’s mom’s death is rubbing their chin and thinking, “honestly mine is still more traumatizing, but I can still respect that”

meanwhile I, a millennial forged in the ashes of all of those childhood-defining fictional tragedies, am going to just suck it up and move on because fuck. my whole life has been preparing me for this day

oh my fucking god

fuck me why did I laugh. I fucking lost it just now. fucking gallows humor, idk

just. his entire family is being blown to little bits in the backyard, and Kotaro cracks open his fucking door and peers his head out like “hmm I thought I heard something just now. hey, where is everyone. did I miss something.” no you didn’t miss anything Kotaro, go back inside

he looks like a kid who’s not sure if he just heard the ice cream man driving by

sob. “better go investigate”

look what happened while you were taking your fucking nap, Kotaro. JUST LOOK! your son disintegrated your whole entire family and uprooted a fucking tree somehow. jesus christ

you know, the irony is I bet you that despite all of his hang-ups, he’s probably thinking “okay maybe a hero would come in fucking handy right about now”

oh shit

“you think this is a fucking joke?!” Horikoshi screams, shoving this page in my face. “you’re just going to sit there and keep making your cute little remarks?? A FAMILY IS DEAD!!” okay jeez I get it fuck

oh no, oh shit for real though I can’t

he’s so scared and traumatized and now he knows, he knows it was him who did it and he can’t bear it, and even though he hates his dad, he’s still his dad, and he’s terrified and looking for comfort from anyone at this point oh god

and for Kotaro to see his son like this, and the rest of his family dead in such a horrifying way! just!!

and fuck me, because if he reaches out to try and comfort him, if he ends up dying because his better instincts finally take over now of all fucking times; if he tries to help and Tenko knows what’s going to happen when they touch and tries to stop him but can’t...

okay but what

Tenko’s quirk is really behaving strangely though. like this is ridiculous. at this rate he’s gonna take the whole house down with him

also there’s no way all of the neighbors just sat by all la dee da and didn’t go to investigate afterwards. 100% AFO had a hand in all this. shit

now also feels like a good time to point out, before we wrap this all up, that with Kotaro being the only one still alive now, there is no one around to shout “Tenko, no...!” when that hand is reaching out to his forehead. so I’m very curious to see how Horikoshi plays this out, because now more than ever I’m suspecting that the altered memory theory is really true

(ETA: well. shit.)

anyway, so now what looks like a tree pruner is just randomly falling into Kotaro’s hands, for some reason. just like we all expected

of all the ways I imagined this actually playing out, this was not one of them

hmm, interesting

so did he disintegrate the pruner and then get pissed at his dad thinking he was trying to hurt him again? and then instinct just took over? guess we’re about to see

oh SHIT!!!

shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

just, imagine like another 7 paragraphs of me just typing out “shit” over and over again. I don’t feel like actually doing it, but that’s basically an accurate summation of my thought process right now

I bet even AFO wasn’t expecting that. I picture him whistling softly from his hiding place nearby, watching all of this go down and making that excited Andy Dwyer face to nobody in particular

holy fucking shit, holy hell

guys I just decided this is actually my favorite villain origin story of all time. just like that. holy shit. this page though

okay you know what, let me just finish this up, and then I’ll try to sort out all of my messed up feelings. one more page to go I think. probably his hair turning white

why didn’t his hair turn white. Horikoshi you’re such a fucking troll

(ETA: or did it start to change though?? it’s really hard to tell with the shading on this page tbh. but it does seem to be lighter than his shirt, and closer to the shade of his pants instead. but I can’t tell if that’s just due to the lighting here or not. anyways.)

anyways, wow. so that’s the end. let me just sit down here for a moment and try to process this

that page, though. that mental break. the idea of him being so overwhelmed by the pain and trauma of what just happened that when his dad shows up and tries (from his perspective) to hurt him again, his mind just goes !! and snaps and goes “you know what, this is better, let’s just reframe all this shit to make it a good thing so that we can cope, because to hell with that. big fat nope to the alternative, right there! yeah no thanks we are not going to do that”

and him realizing that he finally has the power to stand up to his father and stop him from hurting him. and probably a part of him is also irrationally blaming his dad for being the reason this all happened, because it’s much easier to assign blame to something tangible here, rather than it all being a freak tragic accident that no one could have prevented. (or worse, his own fault. which it isn’t, but I’m sure he subconsciously blames himself regardless, so)

and even better if the person to blame is someone you already hated. so yes, that’s much better, let’s just do that

and that whole “somewhere deep in my heart” thing, I don’t buy that for a second to be honest. but I do believe that he believes that. that for his own self-preservation he desperately latched on to this idea and convinced himself that he’d wanted this all along. that it felt good. fine, then, I’ll become a monster to save myself

I keep going back to look at his face, though. and just. holy shit. if you’d told me a week ago or even five minutes ago that Horikoshi would write out the entire thing, all of it, in all of its sickeningly detailed glory, that he would just say “fuck it” and go all out, and that I would go from “take it back” to “okay I’ll allow it” to “you can pry this incredibly fucked up chapter out of my cold dead hands” in the span of three pages, I would have thought you were insane. and yet here we are. and it is insane. and I’m fairly disturbed by my own heel-turn here actually, but I can’t deny it though

just, shit. that was so good. I’m blown away by how good that was. Deku, stop looking at me like that

you know what, you don’t get to judge me, kid, okay. shut up

anyway guys, so that was one hell of a ride. I learned some things about myself, like that I will follow this maniac of a mangaka into much deeper and more fucked up chasms than I ever expected. and Tomura learned some things about himself, and I have a lot of Concerns about those things, but I guess that’ll just have to wait until next week! all the best until then, everyone

[the-lupine-sojourner]

Chestnutfest day 7 (final entry): Happy K18 day!

Here we are. The final day of Chestnutfest. Gosh this feels kinda weird lol, but um I’ve had an absolute blast! 

And this is all thanks to @chestnutisland who organized and created this amazing event! :) 

Here’s the Link so you all can see what this event was and get an idea of what will happen next year, should Chestnut decide to grace us with another Chestnutfest. 

Also, please understand that, given that Goku and Chi-chi’s wedding wasn’t that different (as I understand what happened in said wedding) from an American wedding, so please feel free to gently correct if I misrepresented or inaccurately portrayed anything. I love Android 18 and Krillan as a couple and as individual characters, and try to convey that love in these stories. 

And now without further ado, let’s get into the story! 

God Bless and Good Day

~The Lupine Sojourner

Today was the day. 

Today was the day Krillan would finally marry the woman of his dreams. 

Sure she’d only recently come into his dreams, but damn did she make an impression. From initial attraction to her appearance alone to genuine love and affection, their relationship had been a roller coaster. One he was not about to get off anytime soon. 

So here he stood at the head of the rows of chairs, awaiting his bride-to-be. It was still so crazy to him that she was about to be married. And to him of all people. He wasn’t an idiot; he knew he wasn’t the most attractive guy out there, but there was something...something that made the amazing Android 18 talk to and then date and now marry him. 

He gulps down some nerves and takes a breath. She wasn’t backing out and he was serious about marrying her. He’d work from there. 

Okay, okay Krillan. Breathe. It’ll be fine. Just a few more minutes. Just a few more minutes...and he’d be a married man. That was still so amazing to him. 

“You okay?” Yamcha asks, leaning over from where he stood as a groomsman. Krillan didn’t want a best man and 18 didn’t want a maid of honor, so they just had bridesmaids and groomsman. Krillan takes a breath. 

“Yeah I think I’m good.” He replies, smiling. 

“Don’t sweat it dude. You’ll kill it out there.” Krillan chuckles. This was a wedding. Basically, all he had to do was say ‘I do’ and assure 18 that he loved her.

“Thanks, man.” He murmurs back. There were a few more moments of silence, then...then the processional began to play. His nerves sky-rocketed again, cheeks and face heating up as he awaited- -holy shit. 

Holy- -she was absolutely stunning! It may not have been a super complex dress, but she wore it so well. She didn’t even have a veil and she didn’t have a diadem on her head. She only had a clip to pin the hair behind her ear. It looked like a sprig of forget-me-nots that matched her eyes. 

Krillan was sure he had never seen anyone so beautiful in his life as she strode down the aisle alone, 17 still loose and without memory of who her father was. “Hey, Krillan, here.” Yamcha whispers, handing him a handkerchief. Krillan wasn’t sure when the tears began to flow, but there they were. She was so gorgeous and she was becoming his wife! How was he not supposed to cry?!

“Thanks.” He whispers back, slipping the handkerchief into his pocket. 

18 smiles at him and he has to dig the handkerchief back out. She was just so beautiful! She arrives, handing the bouquet of flowers to Bulma, who was one of the few bridesmaids and happened to be closest to 18. 

“Stop crying, idiot. We’re just getting married.” She murmurs, making sure to smirk a little. He sniffles and pulls himself together a bit. 

“I know. You’re just so pretty.” He mumbles back, smiling like the sun at her. Her cheeks heat up. 

“Th-thank you.” She murmurs. The short speech by the officiate (they managed to get a local judge who didn’t know the group or 18 to agree to officiate) and the vows pass quickly for Krillan, who was staring at 18 the entire time. 

“You may now kiss your bride.” The officiate says, and Krillan, while tempted to fly up to kiss her, was already standing on a stepstool. He kisses her passionately, eager to pour his love and affection for her into the kiss. Everyone was cheering, there were wolf-whistles, but it was all background noise to Krillan as his attention was squarely on his new wife. 

“You sure know how to kiss.” 18 murmurs, cheeks flushed and eyes a bit wide. He smirks and straightens. 

“I know.” He replies, winking at her. She laughs. 

“Now, we can sneak away for a quick bite to eat before the reception.” She says. She doesn’t eat much of anything, but Krillan needed food. He’d been too nervous for breakfast and too carried away in the preparations to eat lunch. Krillan nods, stepping off the stool and letting 18 lead the way to their small side room. 

“I can’t believe I got so lucky.” He murmurs when they’re alone. 18 turns from where she’d been walking to the table. 

“Hmm?” Krillan blushes. He hadn’t meant for her to hear that.

“I just mean...I get to have this amazing life and now I get to marry an amazing woman who just so happens to also be the most gorgeous woman on Earth. I wouldn’t change a thing that led me here.” He confesses. 18 walks over, smiling. 

“For the record, I think you’re amazing, too.” She says softly, crouching a little to look him in the eye. He smiles at her, going for a kiss. 

“You need to eat, Krillan.” 18 says after the kiss concludes. Krillan nods. 

“So do you, 18. At least a little.” She sighs. 

“Alright. Just a small bit.” 

=#=#=#=#=

“Hey, uh, 18?” Krillan asks, unsure how exactly to phrase this question as they get to Krillan’s place, where 18 agreed to move in. 

“Yes, Krillan?” She replies, taking out the clip and setting the bouquet down on the table. 

“Um...I want to ask you something, but please don’t take the question the wrong way okay?” 18 turns to him. 

“Ask it.” She replies. He shuffles and squirms as he tries to think of how to put it. 

“Well, ah, I wanted to know...why you like me?” He decides on, still squirming, playing with his sleeves. “I mean, I’m not the most attractive guy, or the most powerful, and, well, I guess I- -”

“You believed in me.” She interjects, wondering how Krillan of all people could be self-conscious like this. “No one else would have spared me if they saw me in the ground like you did.” She continues, idly taking her shoes off as if she were discussing the weather. “I liked you even more when you used the wish to bring my brother back, misguided though the notion was. And you stood by me when others didn’t trust that I was actually on your side. I like you because you saw something in me that day, and when you crushed the remote, I felt like you understood me somehow.” Krillan was speechless. 

He had never quite been able to verbalize just what about 18 he liked so much, but there she goes, summing it up perfectly. Somehow, he just knew she was better than what she’d done before Cell came along. Somehow, he knew she was good. 

And he’d protected her when no one else would as a result, unsure at the time as to why, but knowing it was the right thing to do. 

“Gosh 18, you put it into words.” He replies, scratching the back of his neck. 18 smiles and kisses his cheek. 

“I try.” He can’t hold back anymore, scooping his wife up and carrying her into the bedroom. 

He’d show her just how much he loved her. 

[phantomphangphucker]

Vroom Vroom Mother Fucker - Phic Phight

Prompt Creator: @ecto-american Prompt: Vlad buys Danny a car for his 16th birthday Summary: Danny has an adrenaline problem

no warnings apply

Danny wakes up that morning expecting fancy pancakes and unusually flavoured milkshakes. Grinning, he pulls on his heavily over-sized NASA sweater and hops down the stairs two at a time. Unsurprisingly, he is indeed greeted by plentiful pancakes but also Hobson; whose holding a tray with a milkshake on it. “Did you guys really hire him just for my birthday?”, then smiling devilishly to Hobson. “I fully intend to drown in milkshakes today”, at which Hobson looks quite disgusted.

Taking his first of many milkshakes from him, Danny has a sip as his parents give him a plate of pancakes. “Kiwi and fudge? I think I know who’s idea that was”, Danny laughs, as Jack gives a thumbs up at Hobson.

While he’s chowing down he suddenly hears what sounds like wind being whipped really fast. It takes only a minute or two for everyone else to notice. Hobson already looks exhausted. As the sound gets louder Danny realises it’s a freaking helicopter. “Now what!”, Danny shouts while Jack runs out guns in tow. Looking out the window Danny sees, a car? Placed onto the ground with a massive neon green bow. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”, Danny mutters as Jazz claps him on the back. Getting up the two walk outside to join their parents, who thankfully have lowered their weapons. The last thing the road needs is an exploded helicopter and car. They’ve already plucked the card from the bow and hand it to Danny as he comes out. Danny groans, “Vlad? Seriously?”. Then muttering quietly to himself, “you can’t bribe me into being your apprentice, but I will take your car and check it for bugs you crazy frootloop”.

Jazz leans over him and looks down at the note, “he really is lonely isn’t he?” They both snicker as Danny actually notices the handwritten letter inside the card. Danny hands the card itself to Jazz as he reads the letter.

It’s your 16th so consider this a rare day of rest. I am not so evil as to not gift you appropriately, though you may think I am. In case you wish to brag, it’s a W Motors Lykan Hypersport. This is the 3rd one to be owned by a single person. It has 420 emeralds embedded in its headlights, white gold stitching on the seats and the colour name is Lykan White. Top speed is around 400 km/h and goes 0-100 in 2.3 seconds. Have fun little badger.

By the time Danny’s done reading the letter, his mouth has gone dry from hanging open so long and his sister is poking him. “Danny I think this card is made from freaking silver with gold front. He is really trying hard”, Danny looks at his sister finally closing his mouth. “Jazz, I think this maybe the most expensive car either of us will ever see in our entire existences.”, Danny’s holding the letter like it’s a bomb, but with Vlad it just might be.

Danny goes up and tentatively pokes the car, when nothing happens he pulls the bow off. Underneath is a fancy looking manual featuring more of Vlad’s handwriting.

So you don’t destroy it and don’t worry about a license just turn on the hologram.

Danny rolls his at this, “you are a madman. How would that help, I only have a learners”. Jack comes up and slaps him on the back, “who cares? All Fenton’s are great drivers! I can’t believe V-man would go this all out! Especially when he didn’t get Jazzy anything”. Maddie is highly suspicious of the car just like Danny, but Danny’s the only one who really knows why Vlad would be gifting him. After all you can’t be archenemies without being close and knowing each rather well.

Smiling at Jack and nodding to Maddie, “I think I’ll have a look around inside”. So he flops down on the steps and starts looking through the manual for how to open this thing. Jazz elbows him in the side, “I’m pretty sure you’ll need these, Danny”. Danny chuckles as he takes the absurd looking key from her. It looks oddly like a very pointy triangle shaped usb stick, with a badger tail on a keychain attached to it. “Uh, I’m not sure if that’s supposed to be a threat and Sam’s going to hate it”, Danny chuckles.

After he figures out how to not only unlock and open it, but as well as how to turn the whole thing on. Danny walks up and opens it up, doors opening backwards since the hinges are by the seats instead of the dashboard. “It just keeps getting more flashy and absurd doesn’t it?”, Danny mutters while Jazz chuckles.

Danny snoops around the car, climbing in the back sets and poking his head intangibly through the back wall into the trunk. He’s glad for the tinted windows since it blocks anyone from seeing what he’s doing. As he goes he opens every little pocket and looking in any grooves or holes, for traps or anti-ghost stuff. Finding nothing, though he’s sure there must be at least one camera in here, Danny plops down into the drivers seat.

Sticking the key in, Danny starts it up with a low purr. Sitting in the white and black cyber looking seat Danny can’t help but find it incredibly cool. “Dash is going to be pissed,”, he laughs to himself as Jack comes round to the window. “This thing is way to tiny for me, so how about you and Mads take it for a spin?”, Danny nods as he opens the passenger door. Maddie can’t help but run her hands over the dashboard as she gets in. She nods to her son, trusting that he checked the car for anything fishy, buckling up.

“Vlad was not kidding this thing can go fast, holy shit!”, Danny says as both him and his mom yelp. Getting the car up to 85, well over the limit, almost instantaneously. Luckily, there was no cops around and even if there was, they likely wouldn’t care as soon as they saw two Fenton’s inside. Danny had learned last year that no cops were even willing to pull Fenton’s over, due to multiple ghost incidents.

Maddie can’t help but excitedly laugh, “now that is power, I wish some of our weapons would kick up that fast! And that wasn’t even with you actually trying to!”. Danny joins her in slightly adrenaline fuelled laughter. Danny takes a few unnecessarily sharp turns to see just how tight this thing can pull. “Danny!”, his mom yells as she’s jerked to the side of her seat by the sharp turn. Danny, meanwhile, just whistles as he does a very sharp u-turn to head home.

They’re gone for only half an hour and look like they had been on a roller coaster. Jack bounces up to them giddy, “Wow that was fast! Wonder if we could hook any guns up to this baby?”. Jazz immediately shakes her head, “we don’t need any more ghost weirdness at school and-”, with a glare at Danny, “- no one will be chasing ghosts in his car”. Danny 100% intends to though, because if he wants to show this off to anyone it’s Technus. Who will likely stop fighting altogether just to stare at it. Danny can barely contain his smirk.

Eventually, they do actually park it in the garage, making sure nothing can fall on the multimillion-dollar car. So that Danny can go back for more pancakes and milkshakes. Staring out to the street Danny is honestly thankful no one came out since everyone is used to loud noises from Fenton Works. Though them ignoring a straight up helicopter is pretty sad.

Danny elects to spend the day with the giant green bow attached to his head, because why not. Ordering a skittles, cream cheese and tater tots smoothie from Hobson, “of course sir” being his only response. He picks up his phone to call Tucker.

“Dude, you are not going to believe this. Vlad sent me a gift and not only does it not suck, the only thing creepy about it so far is the dead badger tail”

“Does that say something about us that that qualifies as not much of a problem?”

“I’m positive it does but that’s a problem for my sister”

“True dude. Anyways, what’d that nut case get you? That you felt the need to call me right after?”

“Well let’s see it can go nearly 400 km/h and will make Technus drool.”

“Dude! A car! Wow for once he doesn’t suck. I so have to see that when I get there. Also, that sounds insanely fast for a car, what did he even get you?”

“Lykan something, but Tuck dude. A freaking helicopter dropped it in the front yard.”

“Well Vlad is nothing if not extra, though if it’s pink Sam will mock you relentlessly.”

“Hell no, though he was a cheeky bastard with the colours. Can’t say I’m complaining though. Black and white is my thing after all”

Tucker laughs on the other end, “Wow, you’d think your parents would be suspicious by now. Anyways, I’ll see you in an hour or two and you are taking us for a drive!”

Hanging up, he’s tempted to call Sam but he kind of wants to see her face when she sees he’s got a car too now.

Danny goes through six more smoothies and managed to finally make Hobson barf, black licorice with onions and sunflower seeds smells pretty bad apparently. While watching some reruns Sam and Tucker both show up, in Sam’s bubblegum pink hearse. Apparently, she was given the option to either pick the kind of car or the colour, not both. Parking the hearse in the Fenton driveway the two don’t even bother knocking on the door, as they barge in. They are immediately greeted by a grinning Danny with a giant green bow on his head.

“Dude what? That’s a little on the nose”, Tucker laughs as Sam rolls her eyes. Danny smirks, “it’s ectogreen, I had to”. Then grinning devilishly, “so want to do something stupid and race cars?”. Jazz glares at them from the kitchen but knows it is rather pointless to stop her brother, who can make himself literally untouchable. All the trio knows is high-wire living and Danny’s self-preservation is beyond brutalised.

“Danny what? Really? They got you a car too?”, Sam asks rather surprised. “Well my parents got me a person actually”, Danny points over his shoulder at Hobson; who’s now making a gummy bear and seaweed milkshake. “As for the car that was Vlad actually, yeah surprising I know.”, Danny smirks at Sams surprised face. “Sam, the birthday card alone is made of gold and silver. I’m positive he’s trying to butter me up again but the car is very nice”, Danny sticks his finger in the direction of the garage for them to follow.

“Let me guess, green bow for a green car and that it’s too small for your dad to drive?”, Sam snickers while Danny smirks. Opening the garage door, “small? yes, green? no and even your parents would be impressed”.

His two friends stare at the impressive car, even Sam parents don’t have cars this expensive looking. Meanwhile, Hobson brings Danny a cupcakes and horseradish smoothie along with the gummy bear seaweed one. “Dude, Your parents really did just buy you a butler huh?”, Danny nods at Tucker as he pulls out his keys. Sam is standing behind the drivers door as Danny snickers at her, which earns a confused look from her. Then the doors open backwards and force her to stumble back. “What in the? Where did he even find a car that opens like that?”, Danny just shrugs at Sam’s confusion. Opening up the side door he lets both them climb in and flings the manual at Tucker. Sam, noticing the seats, “very cybergoth”.

Tucker is practically feeling up the electronic dashboard and with neon green holograms on it. Noticing that Danny points out, “apparently there’s also a pop out hologram so that, according to Vlad, I can drive it alone without getting into trouble for not having a license yet”. Tucker immediately jumps out of the shotgun seat as he pushes a green button with a M on it. A Maddie hologram pops out into shot gun and waves at the driver's seat.

All three jump, “fuck that’s creepy, should have guessed though”. Sam and Tucker both nod at Danny as Tucker passes his hand through it. “It’s impressively real looking though. You actually might not get ticketed with this”, Tucker grins evilly. The two get out and let Danny in, they head outside to wait for him to pull out. Both of them accept, to Hobson’s pleasure, normal strawberry milkshakes from Hobson.

Danny pulls out of the garage pretty smoothly for a beginner, though all three have driven illegally in Sam’s pink hearse many times. Not to mention Danny has driven all sorts of crazy things. Danny drives the thing backwards and spins it around sharply to drift in right next to the hearse, the car shakes from the sudden stop as Danny shows a cocky grin. Which both Jazz and Jack can clearly see from the window. While Jazz shakes her head, Jack beams with pride, “look at him go, already defying the rules of the road. Just like his old man”. Jack wipes away a small tear from his eye.  

Tucker laughs wildly as Sam glares, “what you watch Fast and Furious again?”. Danny wiggles his eyebrows, “not yet but I am looking for ideas”. Opening up the side door and bending the seat forward. “Now are you two getting in or what. I already gave my mom whiplash, it’s your turn”, Danny turns his head to Tucker. “I wasn’t kidding about 0-100 in around 2 seconds”, Danny smirks as Sam goes wide-eyed as she climbs in the, very small, back.

“Danny, there is no way you’ll fit back here. Hell, I don’t even think there’s supposed to be a back here”, Sam mutters as her head touches the roof. Danny laughs, “it’s mine why would I be in the back? I’m just impressed the front seats are low enough for me to fit anyways”. The still a short shit Tucker glares, “damn you and your growth spurt”. Sam rolls her eyes, “it’s more than that Tuck. Unlike someone, Danny actually gets a freakish amount of exercise”. Tucker waves her off as Danny smirks slamming the pedal down without warning, just as they buckle in.

“HOLY SHIT! DON’T KILL US!”, Tucker screams as they hit 140 km/h in 4 seconds. Danny slows down smirking as he notices a very startled cop who doesn’t even make an attempt to go after them. Laughing his ass off now with pure adrenaline, as another cop pulls up next to them at a red light and stares. Danny rolls the window down so the cop can both see and speak to him, all the while wearing a crazed grin.

“You’re a Fenton kid aren’t you?”

“Yes sir and it’s my birthday”, Danny laughs loudly. As the cop just tips his hat and drives away once the light turns green. Though Danny can hear him mutter, “fuck that, so long as they don’t kill anyone it’s not my problem”.

“Wow dude how did you not get pulled over for that? That was like at least double the speed limit”, Tucker shakes his head in amazement, vibrating a little from the adrenaline. Danny smirks as both he and Sam say, “Fenton’s don’t get pulled over”.

Danny drives around for a while, randomly speeding up just for shits and giggles. Eventually, he gets where he’s going and they’re on a long deserted stretch of round. “Oh fuck yeah”, comes out of Tucker’s mouth as he grins like an idiot. Both he and Sam hold on as Danny guns it. “Fuckin Christ yeah! That book was not lying about top speed! Fourteen freaking seconds!”, Danny laughs like a loon as he proceeds to do sharp turns and donuts as fast as he can, in an abandoned parking lot.

Meanwhile, Vlad is watching through a camera; that he knows they’ll find and take out sooner rather than later. “Maybe this wasn’t the greatest idea, since when did he even know how to really drive? And is his self-preservation really this destroyed? The world isn’t a racing movie, boy!”, Vlad shakes his head as Danny quickly snaps the car into the opposite direction. Sending Sam and Tucker slamming into their prospective doors and lifting the tires up a bit. Danny, laughing and grinning all the while.

Back with the trio, Danny is driving home as all three laugh filled with adrenaline. “Imagine if I could fly this fast! I know I’m up to 280 now but still! And the g force!”. Tucker excitedly whacks him on the arm repeatedly, “you can barely even feel that when you fly! Holy shit dude!”.

“I know! Flying is lazy and light, this is like flinging my self at a bunch of walls and liking the impact!”, Danny giddily says as the three get out of the now parked car. Sam smacks him on the shoulder as she’s still catching her breath, “you are so taking this to school”. Danny finger guns at her, “don’t you know it! I’ll get there early and let everyone wonder who’s car it is till the end of the day!”. Tucker flops on the ground once in the house.

“Dude, that is going to be great! And who are we kidding? You are a menace!”, Tucker laughs from the ground. “A menace with a really nice car”, Danny points to him as he flops the manual on Tucker’s stomach. “You’re the techno-geek, have fun.”, Tucker would glare but he’s too interested.

Just as Hobson is giving Danny a peanut butter and Laffy Taffy milkshake Tucker starts hitting him. “Dude! This thing is fucking bulletproof! Not only that but I can easily put a ghost shield in!”, Danny laughs. “That frootloop did everything didn’t he? For once I’m glad my arch enemy is filthy rich!”

Danny has exactly 3 more milkshakes before it’s time to go out to eat. “While you have a car now Danny, I think it would be best if we all went in the Fenton Assualt vehicle”, Maddie basically announces much to Jazz’s pleasure for once. She wasn’t quite sure just what her brother was like on the road without her yet and seeing the stunt he pulled earlier, she didn’t really want to. And to pretty much everyone’s surprise the trio actually agrees.

Once at the theatre Danny notices the cop from earlier, Danny smirks as the cop approaches. “It’s you again, I’d say I’m amazed you’re in one piece but I’m pretty sure you Fenton’s are indestructible”, Danny laughs since not only is it likely that he might just be indestructible but also because the cops shorter than him. Jazz glares and crosses her arms at Danny, as the officer leaves, “and what did you do?”. Tucker grins goofily answering for Danny, “drove fast enough to give the cops buddy whiplash”. Jazz glares even harder as Danny starts laughs even harder. “Jazz, that thing speeds up freakishly fast, takes just over 2 seconds to get up to a hundred. Vlad knew full well I’d end up speeding with it.”, Danny waves her off as they head into the movies. “Yeah well you still shouldn’t, hell you shouldn’t even be driving without an adult.”, at this Danny just shrugs. But then he leans and whispers to Jazz, “tell that to the Maddie hologram”. Jazz turns her head to him and makes a face that’s mutually horrified and disgusted.

After the movie and supper, they all head home, Sam and Tucker staying over for an all-nighter movie marathon. “So obviously we’re watching the fast and furious movies?”, Tucker unnecessarily asks. To which both his friends say “duh”. They manage to get through all the movies before it’s time for school. Danny was grinning wildly the whole time and it’s obvious he was taking notes. As they head out to their cars, Tucker opting to go with Danny while Sam takes her own car.

Inside Danny’s car, “so I think this thing is getting named The Phlying Phantom, with a Ph. Because I’m awful and own it”. Tucker laughs, “that is awful and the spelling seems like it would be awful too”. Danny one-handed finger guns at Tucker because he’s not quite crazy enough to drive with his knees, yet.

Unsurprisingly, they get there before Sam and break at least two laws. Danny’s also pretty sure he’s going to get very familiar with seeing startled and scowling cops. “You’d think for being a hero you’d have more respect for the law!”, Tucker chuckles as he gets out. The two just stand there and watch the doors close, still impressed by the weird ass doors. Tucker elbows him, “you should totally open the trunk”. Danny raises an eyebrow but indulges Tucker without asking. The two watch as the trunk splits in two and opens out and upwards in two separate parts like a pair of metal wings. Danny’s jaw drops as Tucker says, “wow that looks way cooler than the manual implied”. And that’s how Sam finds them, after parking next to Danny’s car;  she too turns to gape at the weirdest trunk doors ever. “Now that’s just being extra”, Sam shakes her head as Danny starts to smile. “That’s exactly why I’m putting my backpack in the trunk for my ride home, Tuck?”, Tuck just smirks and fist bumps Danny.

By the time lunch has rolled around half the school is talking about the crazy white and black sports car in the parking lot. Everyone has ruled out every rich kid they know of, mostly due to the colour alone. Well except one kid who knew who’s it was the second he heard the colour. “The sports cars your isn’t Phantom”, Wes practically growls at Danny; who smiles in return causing Wes to toss his hands up. “Of course it is! Are you just mocking me and everyone else?”, Danny shrugs before responding. “Actually, you can blame the mayor for this one”, Danny laughs as Wes practically slams his tray on the table and stomps off.

Tucker snickers, “he loves you, doesn’t he”. Both Sam and Danny laugh, “well how couldn’t he? After all he knows the fantastical and fabulous Phantom!” Danny sticks his finger in the air for added emphasis.

The group overhear Dash and Kwan before lunch finishes.

“Dude, I so want to know who’s got that awesome car!”

“I know, I would sell most of my organs for that.”

“Whoever they are, they’d for sure have to be a cool kid or an A-lister!”

“Well it’s obviously not one of us, but dude. Do you want to stick around to see that baby startup and actually drive?”

“Well duh, who wouldn’t?”

The two guys notice the trio, who are all snickering to themselves.

“Well I guess Fentit and the merry band of freaks wouldn’t!”, Dash shouts. Earning an eye roll from every member of the trio.

“Yeah, dude. What would they even know about a nice car?”, Kwan smirks as they head off. Dash tosses his leftovers at Danny for emphasis, but Danny bats it away with Wes’s tray.

As the three walk out to the parking lot no ones surprised, since not only is Sam’s laughably pink hearse there but they all assume the resident freak trio want to see who owns the car too. Danny notices someone leaning against the driver door before Sam and Tucker do. Quickly he realises it’s Dexter, a 19-year-old held back 12th grader. If he remembers correctly Dexter is or was the only student with a sports car. “Well I guess it’s not surprising to see you being so chill about touching a sports car”, Danny nonchalantly says as he twirls his keys; walking up to his car. “Care to get of my car door, buddy?”, Danny’s tone is slightly unpleasant as everyone in earshot gapes. Some people, who didn’t hear Danny, are pointing to the keys he’s swinging and whispering.

“Ah, so you’re the so-called cool kid with the new sports car?”, Dexter’s tone is mocking. Noticing this Danny pushes his keys to open the trunk, causing the right trunk door to open straight up blocking Dexter's view; as Danny and Tucker walk up and toss their bags in. Multiple gasps can be heard from the crowd as everyone clues in that the “cool guy” car belongs to one of the loser freak trio.

Dexter is actually pretty impressed, he hasn’t seen a car like this before and doesn’t know the make off the top of his head. Which makes him think that it must be a more expensive one. He only made a habit to learn the affordable ones; because what kid would have an expensive one? This kid apparently.

Getting off the door and sticking his head around the trunk door just as Danny signals for it to close and responds to Dexter’s question. “Yup, black and white is sorta my thing in case you can’t tell by my wardrobe”, Danny gestures to his white wife beater, black leather jacket and black military pants; the look finished off by white doc martins. Dexter smirks, “well I haven’t even seen a make like this, so how did you, of all people, get it?”. Danny chuckles and puts his hands in the air, “mayors gift, people seem to think I’m kidding when I say we’re well acquainted with each other. Close family friend and all. And if you must know it’s a W Motors Lykan Hypersport and it has a lot of emeralds and gold in it”. Tucker laughs as he leans over to Dexter, “simply put it’s a sports car on crack”. Danny nods as he laughs a bit, then noticing Dash coming up, he smirks.

“Why hello there Dash, come to ogle my car as well?”

“No way this is yours Fentoilet!”

“Oh I don’t know Dash, I’m pretty sure a fair amount of people saw the three of us flying around in it yesterday”, Danny jeers as Sam smirks as she leans against her own car.

Dexter, meanwhile, is both shocked and impressed, “this baby must cost quite the penny then and why don’t you prove it’s yours”. Dexter goes to stand up in front of Danny, as Dash just watches. Even Dash doesn’t mess with a 12th grader known for setting things on fire and breaking people’s noses. Danny however, doesn’t seem to care, “pretty sure I already did”. Dexter laughs cruelly and crosses his arms, “naw man, if you drove it here you can drive it out, can’t ya?”. Danny raises an eyebrow kind of confused, “um duh, that’s half the point of having one”. Dexter smirks, finding himself amused by this kid who’s clearly not as spineless as rumours suggest. “Oh and what would the other half of the point be? Care to enlighten us?”, a couple of people in the crowd snicker. While Dannys’ grin verges on manic, “to go fast, why else would you drive a sports car of any kind?”.

Dexter throws his head back and laughs, “you really don’t give a shit do you? Well if that’s the case, there’s an abandoned strip of road leading to a deserted mall and parking lot; know it?”. All of the trio can’t help but laugh, since they were just there yesterday. Danny sticks his hands in his pockets and grins wiley, “of course, left some burnt rubber there on more than one occasion”. At this point everyone at Casper high are starting to think Danny is a bit tougher than they thought. Dash’s jaw is completely dropped as he exclaims, “but you just turned 16? You can’t even have a drivers yet?”. A few heads around nod as Dexter raises an eyebrow. Sam laughs, “that doesn’t matter if you’re a Fenton, cops won’t touch them. Too many cops get hurt when they try!”

Danny snickers, “what can I say, my dad’s driving breaks a few laws of physics” ending with a shrug. Dexter squares the muscular Danny up again, “well then that settles it then, met me by the exit to the abandoned road in an hour”. Dexter then turns his head over his shoulder as he walks away, “Good luck”.

The trio all laugh as Danny opens the doors and half the crowd makes “oooo”’s and “ahhhh”’s at the weird backwards opening doors. Dash follows Danny around and watches him get in the car, “you’re nuts Fenton”. Danny starts up The Phlying Phantom as he laughs, “what’s new?”.

Sam hops in her hearse as Danny aggressively swings his car out of its spot and shoots out of the parking lot at a, slow for the car, 50 km/h. The whole crowd gaping as Sam smirks and drives off after them.

“I can’t fucking believe it? That loser not only has a car but a sports car?”

“I know, just doesn’t make sense”, is all Kwan can think to say.

Meanwhile Wes muttering, “of course Phantom is having a drag race, of course no one thinks anything of the colour choice, of course he has a sports car...”.

“Dude! That was awesome! You have a car for two days and you’re already putting it through the ringer!”, Tucker laughs his ass of from shotgun. Danny grins as he heads to fill up and then home for supper. Elbowing Tucker on the way, “Tuck, you are so going to have to put a bass booster in here”.

“Hey Jazz, gonna just grab some food and go”, Danny says as he shovels a few of the tater tots in his mouth and grabs a burger. Jazz sticks her head in the kitchen, “Danny you just got back? What are you up to?”. Danny makes a motion that looks like steering a steering wheel, “I guess I can’t blame you but you really should have an adult, an adult like me, with you”. Danny rolls his eyes and waves her off with his free hand. Jazz goes to step in front of him, prompting him to raise an eyebrow and quickly chew and swallow all the tater tots. Which if it wasn’t for body manipulation, would have been very painful; Jazz grimaces. “Jazz I'm fine, it’s not like I haven’t drive alone a bunch of times before”, Jazz sighs and shakes her head disappointedly. “Dont do anything stupid, little brother. But I’m coming with you unless you give me a damn good reason not to”, Danny groans and checks the time. Rubbing his neck, “you hate dad’s fast driving as it is, and well fast driving is what’s happening”. Jazz immediately clues in that Danny’s doing something both stupid and illegal, “Danny! Yes I’m coming with you. At least to watch and make sure you don’t fuck yourself up”. Danny deflates, “Fine, I guess, but you’re in the back and you’re not riding later. Gotta go now though”. Jazz raises a brow as Tucker lets her climb in the back.

“So clearly something specific is going on, so spill”, Danny groans. While Tucker turns around to answer, “there’s only one other kid, well he’s not a kid but still, at school with a sports car. So now there’s a drag race”.  “What! Danny! That is more than just stupid and illegal!”, Jazz shoves her head forwards as far as her seatbelt will allow. Danny just shrugs as he drives to the abandoned road.  

Dexter smirks as he sees Danny’s Lykan pulling up next to the sidewalk before the abandoned road, after looking up this car he knows he’d lose to anyone who was actually an experienced driver, but with this kid he’ll be able to brag about besting the car. Shrugging to himself, he’ll just leave out the age of the driver during his bragging.

Tucker opens the passenger door to let both himself and Jazz out, a mash-up of every Skrillex song at once can be heard as the two go and stand with Sam and a bunch of other people from Tucker’s grade.

“I can’t believe Danny actually has a car like that”, Star shakes her head at Tucker. The two had become somewhat friendly to each other ever since their dating stint. Tucker smirks, “you should see the hologram stuff it’s got inside and the seats are literally stitched with gold”. Star blinks a few times, “wait you mean he was serious when he said there was gold and emeralds in it?”. Tucker nods, “there’s something like 400 emeralds in the headlights alone. But that’s what you get for over 4 mil”. Kwan nearby starts cough and staggers up to Tucker, “what do you mean 4 mil? As in million?”. Tucker chuckles, “Yeah, exactly. It’s normally only 3 and half mil but Vladdie got it done custom”. Kwan just stares at him and shakes his head.

Danny pulls up next to Dexter as he cuts the music, “so quick question, you think you can take this easy because you think I’m inexperienced due to my age, right?”. Dexter blinks a couple times and frowns, “you’re only 16 and don’t even have a licence yet, what kind of driving experience could you possibly have”. Danny laughs, “I’ve driven or flown everything from assault vehicles to a jet”. Dexter looks at him mildly concerned as it approaches time to go.

Danny can’t help but laugh as the, ever so stereotypically scantily clad, lady who’s probably someone’s girlfriend; walks up and signals for them to go.

Danny doesn’t waste any time in straight up gunning it, being used to the fast and crazy life, his head doesn’t even snap back from the g force. He winds up around 380 in about 15 seconds. Laughing his head off as he cranks the wheel around one of the turns in the road. Looking to the mirror he sees how far back Dexter is, so he decides to fuck around and make Jazz regret coming. So he spins around harshly, flying his hair the totally wrong way, and starts driving backwards without even looking behind him. He waves back at the gaping Dexter as he just starts randomly driving his car all over the road, drifting sideways at points and eventually whipping around to face forwards again; grinning like a completely insane idiot. He whizzes into the parking lot and does a couple of random high-speed donuts before parking. Opening his door he goes and lays on the roof, waiting for Dexter to eventually get there.

Meanwhile, Vlad is staring in horror at the screen slowly starting to question the sanity of the young halfa, “What have I done?”. He’d watched as Daniel jerked the wheel around pulling donuts of increasingly tighter loops only to suddenly jerk and go the opposite direction. He could tell by the tilting of the screen that the wheels left the ground multiple times. Listening to the manic laughter of Daniel and seeing his massive grin, all the while. “I’m starting to think Daniel might just be right in the “halfas are either indestructible or immortal” theory. That, or my little badger has a death wish”, with that the older halfa rubs his trembles but doesn’t turn off the device.

Back with Sam, Tucker and Jazz. Sam and Tucker are both laughing their ass off while Jazz looks just as shocked as everyone else at just how fast Danny’s car is. “Holy...”, is all Dash’s two remaining brain cells can put together.

“I-I think that-that Danny might have a bit of a-a adrenaline addiction!”, Tucker wheezes out while Sam pats him on the shoulder humorously. Jazz decides that if they ever have to flee anything, Danny is driving.

Danny turns his head as Dexter pulls up next to his car, Dexter is shaking his head as he drives. “You are one crazy guy, but mad props for pulling that stunt and not destroying your car”, Dexter tosses a large wad of money at Danny who grabs it confused. Dexter laughs at this, “you won dude, even if you clearly did this for shits”. With that Dexter drives off, leaving Danny to fiddle with the money. “Well ok then, I feel like a tornado attempting to take a nap and now I have money in my winds”, Danny looks around and then phases inside his car. Unwrapping the wad he flings the cash all over his dashboard just to be dramatic, he starts The Phyling Phantom back up. Jerking the wheel harshly sending the car snapping around in a tight circle as he floors it back to his friends, cash flying around inside. He winds up flying past Dexter, again, who just blinks startled by the sudden wind as Danny is grinning widely with his chest pushed up against the wheel. Danny cranks his wheel and yanks the emergency brake to drift sideways and come to a stop about 2 feet from Sam and Tucker, who are the only ones who don’t jump out of the way of the oncoming car driven by a probably indestructible halfa. Opening the door Danny flops out laughing his ass off, with a 50$ stuck in his hair, “god this thing is bloody fun and yes Tuck, I’m totally down to see just how you can soup this up to even more insane levels”.  Tucker laughs, “Just don’t ask your dad! You’ll wind up with it covered in F’s and poor taste guns!”.

Sam and Tuck high-five the grounded Danny as Kwan looks inside the car and sees money all over the place. “I guess there’s no way you couldn’t have won but since when did you even know how to drive?”, Kwan asks what most of the crowd wants to know just as Dexter arrives back. No one even gives Dexter any mocking for losing because of the clearly over powered car his opponent was driving. Danny waves at him from the ground as he answers Kwan, “dude, you can’t be a Fenton and not know how to drive the assault vehicle. It might not speed up as fast but it can go way faster than the average car. It is meant to chase ghost after all”.

Danny’s righted himself by the time Dexter gets over to them, Dash joins them as well. “Well, man you’ve won your first race and own an insane car. Care if I look?”, at this point, Dexter likes this kid and fully intends to laugh at anyone who claims this kid is some weak loser. Dash’s face light up, hoping to get a look too.

Danny raises his eyebrow at the bully, ���last I checked anything that was mine was instantly uncool. But then again it’s not like you were ever informed on many things”. Turning to Dexter, “go ahead dude, you probably know more about it than I do”. While Dexter jumps in, leaving the door open though. Dash pipes up, “Fenton, no one could taint a freaking sportscar, not even the biggest freak in the school”. Kwan taps his chin, “I’m amazed your parents didn’t get pissed at the Phantom paint job though, what with being hunter’s and all”. A couple of people nod in the crowd while Tucker groans, knowing full well what Danny named it. Danny chuckles, “they didn’t even mention it, not like I picked the colours anyways. It does fit me though and that’s also why I named it The Phlying Phantom”. Even Dash seems to be impressed by the name choice and many people laugh, while Jazz pinches her nose. Muttering, “you are just asking for trouble little brother”.

Dexter sticks his head out the door as Dash sticks his in but not touching a single thing, Dexter rolls his eyes at the blonde before shouting at Danny “dude, this thing’s custom isn’t it? There shouldn’t even be seats in the back and the window tint is complete black out from the outside with a green tint. Is that even legal?”. Danny laughs, “oh yeah it definitely isn’t, cops won’t do shit apparently though. Vladdie even put extra hologram stuff in and I think an under glow. Cost him an extra half mil, apparently”. Dexter shakes his head at Danny before walking back to his own car and slapping its roof, “Well see you at school you wild weirdo”.

Eventually, everyone starts taking their leave and Sam takes Tucker home. Jazz follows Danny into The Phlying Phantom, turns to him and practically shouts, “you insane idiot! I can’t believe you’d be so reckless and stupid!”. Danny just waves her off as he buckles up, “my very existence is reckless, your point?”. Danny laughs as Jazz pushes some cash out from under her before she buckles up herself, glaring at him the whole time.

On their drive home Danny’s ghost sense goes off, he smirks and jerks the car in that direction before Jazz can even say “no”. Funny enough it’s actually Johnny and Kitty, and Johnny’s has clearly souped up his bike again. Danny’s honestly impressed they’ve actually stopped at the red light, so much to his sisters complaining, he pulls up next to them. Johnny eyes Danny’s ride, not able to see who’s inside, and whistles. Even Kitty gives it an impressed smirk as Johnny says, “well guess I’m not the only person in this town with something that’s got some real speed and power?”. Johnny chuckles to himself deviously before asking, “care for a race?”. Jazz slams her head on the dashboard as Danny goes to roll down the window.

“What’s up Johnny? And I don’t see why not, I could do with winning two tonight”, Danny grins at Johnny’s shocked but then impressed face. Kitty however, looks really damn pleased, “well looks like we won’t be winning by ghostly cheating, Phantom. Hope you’re content to drive straight up some buildings”. To which Danny just laughs as the light turns green and he’s off to the races again.

Unsurprisingly they indeed wind up driving straight up and sideways on a few buildings, Jazz screams as Danny goes off a damn crane and floats the car down to the park. Johnny pulling up behind, “respect dude, it’s clear us ghostly folks have the monopoly on speed”. Danny laughs maniacally, “well I have a new appreciation for fast vehicles that’s for sure, and this thing has officially lived up to the name of Phyling Phantom!”. Kitty herself laughs at Danny’s on the nose naming before the couple wave off.

Danny spins the back of the car and peels it out of the park, going a little too fast on the road; getting himself promptly pulled over. Johnny and Kitty watch, smirking from a distance; they picked the most heavily patrolled area for this very reason. “Hey Jazz, climb into the back would you?”, Jazz glares at him but does so. Once she’s seated and buckled, “the fuck is wrong with you Danny and you know I can’t be your adult from the back”. Danny smirks as he pushes the big M button, “I want to see if this will really work”. Jazz doesn’t even have time to be confused as the Maddie hologram springs out and smiles at the drivers seat. “What the fuck Danny? Did Vlad put that in? Because that is either really sneaky and I’m not impressed or that’s really creepy and I’m not impressed”. Danny draws a V in the air just as the officer knocks on his window.

Rolling his window down, Danny smiles at the officer as “Maddie” waves, “what’s up sir? Just enjoying a night-time drive”. The cop moves his flashlight from Danny to the hologram that somehow actually reacts like a person to the light, and then to Jazz. “Fenton’s huh? Well I hope you were chasing something in that park and I hope you caught it, good night”, the cop spins on his heels and books it away from, what he believes is, one of the two highly destructive Fenton parents and their apparently equally reckless child. Johnny shakes his head as Kitty smiles, “got to hand it to the kid, he’s alway got something up his sleeve”.

As Danny puts the Maddie hologram away Jazz stares in shock, “Vlad has issues for one, for two he has given you too much power. Now let’s go home, at a reasonable speed”. Danny laughs, “death gave me too much power first!”

End.

[leisurelypanda]

Ballad of the Thundering Heart ch. 16

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13605048/chapters/32603895

Thor awoke the next morning and immediately stretched out across his bed with a smile. Last night was glorious. The game was great, but then Coney Island happened. He freely admitted that seeing Steve be terrified of going on the roller coasters had been most amusing for him. Kissing Steve had not prevented him from making his lover go on the biggest rides afterwards, and Steve squirmed the whole time they spent in line every time.

Kissing Steve. The thought made him hum with delight. He was clumsy at first (who wasn’t for their first kiss) but he learned quickly. The image of Steve’s kiss swollen lips came to mind and he chuckled appreciatively. It drove him wild to think that he was responsible for that. His swollen lips, his eyes dark with desire, his hands reaching up to run through his hair, pulling gently. The first time it happened it made him growl, which, to his delight, made Steve shiver against him.

He felt himself stir at the thought. He looked down through the morning light and saw his erection straining against the fabric of his shorts. He glanced at the alarm clock at his bedside. It was early yet, for him. There was still time to… enjoy himself before he had to finish the last minute preparations. -------------------------------------------------------------------------

He came downstairs to the sight of Bucky sitting at the island in the kitchen. He murmured his greetings at him before he turned around and took a closer look.

“You are here?” Thor asked. “You did not return with Steve?”

Bucky shook his head, nursing a cup of coffee. His neck was covered in hickies. Thor huffed a laugh at the sight.

“Enjoy yourself, last night?” he asked.

“I never kiss and tell, Thor,” he said with a sly grin. “But yes.”

Thor chuckled and poured himself a cup of coffee. He began to run through everything that needed to be done by tonight. He needed to ensure that everything was in place. If it was subpar he would never hear the end of it. He had a busy day ahead of him.

“Speaking of kissing,” Bucky said, grinning. “You and Stevie seemed to enjoy yourselves last night.”

“I did not hear any complaints from him,” Thor replied. He grinned in spite of himself.

“I didn't hear any either,” he said. “But seriously, Thor, I'm glad that he's happy with you.”

“As am I.”

“So it goes without saying that if you ever hurt him…” Bucky trailed off.

“You'll what?” Thor asked, pumping himself up. “You could not even pin Loki. How would you expect to overcome me?”

Bucky grinned a sly grin. “I'll find a way,” he promised. “I didn't beat you at getting quarterback for three years for nothing, you know.”

“Why don't we see if you can back up those words, little man?”

Thor sat down across from him. He grinned and held up his hand with his elbow on the island. Bucky grinned as well and seized his hand in his.

“One.”

“Two.”

“Three!”

They strained at each other as they each tried to get the upper hand. Thor admitted that Bucky was stronger than he seemed. But he did not underestimate his foe for long. Sweat began to form on their brows. Soon though, he began to push Bucky's hand toward the table. His opponent put up an admirable fight. Then with a shout, Thor pinned his hand to the table beneath him. He laughed in triumph.

“Damn man,” Bucky said with awe. “You don't mess around, do you?”

Thor laughed and shook his head. His response was drowned out by a new figure joining them.

“Aaaah!” his father shouted as he entered the room. He clapped his son on the shoulders. “My son! I hear that you led your school to glorious victory last night.”

“We fought well and triumphed, father,” Thor said, trying to keep the awkwardness of the encounter from his voice.

“Of course you did!” he crowed. “It is only to be expected”

He finally seemed to notice Bucky sitting at the island. He walked up to him and greeted him.

“I believe I remember you, my boy,” he said, embracing him. Bucky looked a bit like a deer in headlights but he returned the embrace. Thor wondered if Loki warned him about their family beforehand. As soon as they broke contact Odin noticed the hickies on Bucky’s neck and glanced towards his son.

Oh gods no, he thought.

“You were the quarterback that led the team the past few years, are you not?” his father asked.

Bucky nodded and ducked his head. He was probably trying to hide his bruises as thoroughly as possible. Thor didn't envy his friend. His father was not an easy person at the best of times. There was no knowing how he would react.

“No need to be shy, son,” Odin cried. “You're not the first rival my son has taken to his bed!”

Thor actually coughed up his coffee at that.

“Um… thanks?”

“Think nothing of it,” Odin replied. “Son, your mother and I will be at a charity event most of the day. You boys behave yourselves.”

This must be what mortification feels like, Thor thought to himself.

His father paused before he left the room to get ready. “I approve,” he whispered. “He seems like a fine man.”

Baldr save me. “Thank you, father,” he replied. His father's eye twinkled as he smiled. Thor waited until he heard the door to his father's room closed before he relaxed.

“That was fun,” Bucky remarked.

“You have strange ideas of what fun is,” Thor replied as he leaned against the island.

“He wasn't wrong, per se,” Bucky said. “His son did ‘take me into his bed,’ as he put it.”

“Yes…” he replied. “Just the wrong son.”

“Wait until you set him straight,” Bucky said, grinning.

Thor groaned. -------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thor was immensely grateful that Bucky and Tony agreed to help him out. Tony apparently had a friend who was familiar with all the best rooftops in New York. The one he found was not a large roof, but for a small, romantic night in lieu of going to the dance, it was perfect. It came with a fantastic view of the city at night, Tony’s contact assured him. The three of them had finished carting the lights up to the top of the building. Tony installed the table, bolting it down to the roof so it wouldn't fly away.

On one side there was a DJ station being set up. One of Tony's friends, a boy named Peter Parker, was helping to set up the system. He was apparently some genius whiz kid Tony had found in Queens and hired on as a “geek of all trades.” Whatever that meant. Today, apparently, it meant that he was helping to set up and run a sound system for a friend of a friend. He was also Tony’s contact who chose the location. How such a boy knew about the rooftops in New York, Thor had no idea.

“So, I don’t know if you know this,” Peter said in a shy, somewhat awkward manner, “but I’ve never actually done this whole, romantic, private, date-night thing. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I can do it, but what are you looking for exactly?”

It’s amazing how similar he is to Steve, Thor thought. “Have you ever been to a formal dating event?” he asked.

“Like a school dance?” he asked.

“Yes, like that.”

“Right, so some slow dance stuff to set the mood and everything.”

Thor clapped him on the shoulder. “Exactly, you will do fine.”

Peter rubbed his shoulder. “Jeez, dude!” he said. “You’re strong, like holy shit!”

Okay, maybe not so much like Steve, he thought with amusement. He chuckled to himself. The entire roof was taken up, even though most of it was just for the mood lighting and creating the atmosphere. Tony had a couple guys installing the lights along the edge of the roof. They were designed to soft lights that could provide enough light to dance to. Thor had helped set up the pagoda in the center of the area where Tony was now. It too was secured to the surface so that the wind would not blow it over.

By the time Bucky left to get ready for the Homecoming dance, everything was coming together. He stood under the pagoda and began to survey rooftop. The lights had been strung up overhead and they looked beautiful in the light of the setting sun, the sound system was up and running, and the pagoda did not fall on his head. All good signs. Mrs. Bianchi assured him that dinner was coming along on schedule, so there were no worries about that and Mr. Baker was leaving to fetch Steve soon.

Thor smiled. Everything was in order.

“Thor, what are you doing standing around?” Tony demanded.

Thor looked down at him. “What?”

“Steve is going to be here soon,” Tony said slowly. “You need to freshen up and get ready. You know, shower, cologne, get dressed, jack off? Maybe not in that order, but whatever your routine is.”

Thor looked down at himself. He was wearing the same shirt and jeans that he’d thrown on that morning to help with the preparations. He dashed towards the door and ran inside. He practically knocked Mr. Baker over. He was holding a suit wrapped in plastic in his hands.

“Forgive me, sir,” he said. “I took the liberty of selecting a suit for tonight’s dance. I hope it is to your liking.”

“Mr. Baker, remind me to ask father to give you a bonus,” he replied with a sigh of relief.

“Of course, sir.”

By the time Thor emerged from the changing room refreshed and ready for the evening, Mr. Baker had left to fetch Steve, Tony had left to get ready for his Homecoming dance with Loki, and everything was quiet. Thor could actually feel his heart hammering away in his chest. He was filled with trepidation. There was nothing to do but wait for Steve to arrive. He began to pace about the rooftop. The sun was nearly completely down, now. The city lights were all coming on and the rooftop was bathed in the soft glow of the golden lights strung above him.

Out of a need to distract himself, he began to survey everything. Again. Or he started to, until Peter walked up to him.

“Nervous?” he asked.

“Is it that obvious?” Thor replied.

“Hey, if I had gone this far and done this much for a little private dance,” Peter said. “I’d be nervous, too. He’s a lucky guy, this Steve.”

“No,” Thor corrected. Peter looked up at him with a confused expression on his face. “I am the one who is fortunate.” -------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was almost completely dark by the time Steve arrived at the place where Mr. Baker had said the date would take place. He was somewhat annoyed and somewhat grateful that his mother had had his suit dry cleaned.

“You should look your best for tonight, Steve,” she’d insisted. Steve really had no idea what Thor could possibly have planned. But it wasn’t at his house, it wasn’t out at any establishment he knew of. They weren’t going out dancing or to any of the clubs or anything. Not dressed like he was, anyway.

Mr. Baker led him to the elevator inside. Steve took a deep breath before he stepped inside. He remembered to do some breathing exercises. There was a time when elevators had been nearly impossible for him to step into. Which was unfortunate, since his appointments with Dr. Erskine were high up in an office building. Dr. Erskine had to come downstairs for months before Steve had been able to ride an elevator to his floor successfully. They still gave him trouble, but he was usually able to get to where he was going without any major issues.

They reached the top floor and Mr. Baker led him up a flight of stairs.

We’re heading to the roof, he realized. Does this sort of thing happen outside of movies?

Sure enough, when Mr. Baker opened the door for him, the sight took his breath away. Lights were strung up overhead. The entire roof was illuminated in their golden light. He could see the lights of the city around them. There decorative plants with flowers blossoming around the rooftop. He heard slow, soft, instrumental music playing before he spotted a sound system. A boy he didn’t recognize waved, then pointed elsewhere. Steve followed where he pointed and saw a huge wooden pagoda with a single table. And Thor, Thor was leaning against one of the pillars dressed in a simple, tailored black suit.

Steve’s mouth went dry as he saw him. He looks… sexy, he realized. Easily as sexy as he imagined.

Thor smiled and walked towards him. Well, he didn’t so much walk so much as strut. Or maybe that was the suit. Maybe the suit just enhanced his natural confidence.

If that’s the case, Steve thought, then I need my suit to give me a little bit.

“You look lovely, älskling,” he said, greeting him with a kiss. Steve hummed appreciatively as their lips touched.

“Thanks… uh, you look… damn,” he whispered.

Thor smiled and took his hand, leading them to the edge of the roof to look out over the city.

“It’s beautiful,” Steve said. “You did all this? For me?”

“It is not much, but I am glad that you like it,” he replied. “And I had some help from Tony.”

Steve huffed in disbelief. “If this is your idea of ‘not much,’” he said. “I can’t imagine what it looks like when you go all out.”

“You will be the first to know,” Thor promised. Steve blushed.

“Well,” he said, clearing his throat. “This may be premature, but you sure know how to wow a guy, Mr. Odinson.”

Thor smiled and leaned down on his elbows to look out over the city. The sun was near the horizon and bathed the city in a warm, crimson light.

“I believe,” Thor said, “that tonight is a dancing night.” He stood and held out his hand to Steve. “Shall we?”

A waltz with some kind of string quartet or something started to play. Steve blushed but took his hand.

“Just so you know,” he said. “I don’t know how to dance.”

Thor just smiled. “We are high school students, Steve,” he said. “None of us know how to dance.”

Steve doubted that was really true for Thor, but as his hand rested on his waist while his other hand held Steve’s, Thor began to sway softly with the music. And despite the fact that Steve had no idea what he was doing, he began to dance with him. It wasn’t anything fancy. The music was pretty but no matter how good it was, they just swayed in the last, fading light of the sunset. Steve didn’t notice. He never took his eyes off Thor and his gentle, smiling face.

“I want to kiss you,” he whispered.

Thor smiled. “Why don’t you?”

“I want you to say yes,” he said.

Thor leaned down next to his ear. Steve’s breath hitched. His heart was racing so fast in his chest that he thought it might burst.

“Yes.”

Steve shivered when Thor’s warm breath caressed the shell of his ear and to his shock, he hummed with delight. Thor chuckled and Steve shivered again as his breath touched his ear once more. He’s doing this to me on purpose, now, he realized.

“Jerk,” he breathed.

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” Thor whispered. Again, Steve shivered, even though he saw it coming this time.

“I hate you,” he grumbled.

“Does that mean I will not get a kiss?” Thor asked, pulling away. He looked like he was trying to pout, but the smile made it impossible.

Steve stood up and brushed his lips across his boyfriend’s. Thor returned the kiss and, to his surprise, bit his bottom lip gently. Steve gasped and moaned all at once. His boyfriend stopped swaying and wrapped his other arm around him. Steve wrapped his arms around Thor’s neck as they continued kissing, the music fading into the background. He relished in the feeling of his stubble brushing against his skin and the hard, gentle strength of the arms holding him. He clutched a handful of his boyfriend’s hair and pulled gently. To his shock, Thor moaned into his mouth.

“Do that again,” his boyfriend whispered. “Please.”

So he likes his hair being messed with, Steve thought with interest. He filed that information away to use later. For now he twisted his hands through his boyfriend’s locks and tugged. Thor moaned again as he kissed him. His hair was so soft. Like silk. And it was thick, too. Steve smiled and began to run his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair. Thor purred and came up for air. Steve opened his eyes and gasped for breath. Thor was looking down at him, his eyes dark as he panted. Steve bit his lip. It was tender and a bit swollen from the kissing. Thor’s eyes drifted down to look at his lips again.

Someone cleared their throat and snapped them out of their reverie. They turned. It was Mrs. Bianchi, Steve realized. He’d only seen her once, the first time he had visited Thor’s home. He couldn’t remember interacting with her at all. She was a short woman with olive skin and warm, dark eyes. She looked as though she had walked in on something private. Steve blushed as he realized that she had at least seen the last part of their making out session.

“Master Odinson,” she said with a low, melodic voice. “Dinner is served.”

Thor was the first to recover his wits.

“Thank you, Mrs. Bianchi,” he said.

Thor led him over to the table under the pagoda and, to Steve's surprise, held the chair out for him. Steve smiled as he sat down. Thor sat across from him.

“I suppose you figured out the romantic dinner as well?” Steve asked. Thor smiled. “Is there anything you can't do?”

“I cannot sing well,” Thor said, grinning.

“Really?” Steve drawled. “I hadn't noticed.”

“Would you like a demonstration?” he asked.

“I'm good, thanks.”

They laughed at that. Mrs. Bianchi presented a pot of steaming, melted cheese, a handful of elongated prongs, and plates of shrimp, lightly roasted vegetables, and breads. Steve picked up a prong in fascination and watched as Thor speared a piece of shrimp and dipped it in the cheese.

“What is this?” Steve asked with wonder.

“Fondue,” he answered. “You have never had it?”

“I’ve never even heard of it,” he admitted.

“Truly? Fascinating,” Thor remarked.

“So is this like the appetizer?” Steve asked.

“It is the appetizer, the entree, and the dessert,” Thor answered. “Though I suspect that the dessert will have chocolate fondue rather than cheese.”

“Are you going to put a chocolate covered strawberry in my mouth and kiss me?” Steve asked, smiling.

His boyfriend smiled, a dark, interested glint flashing in his eyes. “Would it work?”

“It might,” Steve replied, blushing.

“Then I’m sure it can be arranged,” he purred. “But for now, cheese fondue.”

Steve chuckled at the way Thor’s face lit up. He decided to just go for it, stabbed a mushroom, and emulated Thor by plunging it beneath the gooey, cheesy surface. When he popped it into his mouth, it exploded in a burst of flavor. Steve moaned.

“That is delicious,” Steve declared. He went for the bowl of assorted breads and grabbed another prong. Thor currently had three in the pot.

“I am glad you like it,” Thor said. “I will make sure Mrs. Bianchi receives the compliment.”

True to his word, the fondue did turn out to be an entire meal. At some point Mrs. Bianchi brought out a plate of additional assorted meats and other food to dip into the cheese. Thor was definitely a meat lover, Steve realized. He did eat some vegetables, but most of what he liked were the meats. Steve couldn’t blame him. He was a bit of a carnivore, himself, which tended to surprise most people who met him. Some assumed that he was a vegetarian because of his size.

At some point, the cheese bowl disappeared and it was replaced with a bowl of chocolate and the plates of meat and vegetables and breads were replaced with fruit, sponge cake, and sweet breads.

“I don’t know if I have room for more food,” Steve groaned.

“There is always room for chocolate,” Thor declared. He picked up his chair and brought it around to sit next to Steve. “Besides, I believe there was some mention of kissing and strawberries?”

Steve grinned. “I suppose there’s some room after all, then.”

Thor speared a strawberry and dipped it into the chocolate. When he brought it out, the chocolate cooled quickly, forming a smooth layer on the surface. He put it in his mouth and wagged his eyebrows as he looked at Steve. Steve laughed and leaned towards him. When the strawberry neared his mouth he opened and took a bite. Thor’s lips touched his and the sensation of being kissed while the dark chocolate melted in his mouth was… fantastic, if a bit awkward at first. Thor hummed against him and cupped his face as he deepened the kiss. Steve moaned again. Thor’s mouth tasted like the same strawberry and chocolate in his mouth. It was intoxicating. He sighed when they separated.

“That was probably the tastiest strawberry I’ve ever had,” Steve whispered.

“‘Probably?’” Thor echoed.

“I might need to try it again,” Steve teased. “Just to be sure.”

Thor chuckled. “I think it’s your turn, älskling,” he said, holding up another strawberry. Steve speared the fruit and repeated the process. Thor took his face in his hands, stroking his face with his thumbs and helped himself to the strawberry Steve held in his mouth. This time Steve was the one to deepen the kiss and Thor opened his mouth to yield to him. Steve wove his fingers through his hair and his boyfriend purred again.

“That,” Thor said when they were done, “was my favorite strawberry.”

Steve felt flushed. He didn’t trust himself to speak. He was terrified his voice would betray him and crack if he tried to respond. His breath seemed to escape him. Thor, for all his confidence and savvy, was also flushed and breathing heavily.

He did, however, allow one of his hands to leave his boyfriend’s flowing locks. It trailed down the side of his face, down his neck, and came to rest in the center of his chest. He could feel Thor’s heart racing.

“We should finish the desert,” Thor whispered.

Steve looked into his eyes. “I’m not hungry anymore,” he said.

Thor looked at him, confused. Steve took one of his hands and stood. He led them back to the small dance floor where Thor’s hands assumed the position that they had been in earlier. Peter struck up some slow dance music and they began to sway again. Thor led again, insofar as leading meant anything when they were just swaying to the music.

They danced, or swayed, for hours, never saying a word. Overhead the light of the city and the full moon shone down on them. At some point Steve began to rest his head on Thor’s shoulder. Thor kissed the top of his head and kept swaying, guiding him along the steps, the sounds of the streets below them, the music, and the rhythm of Thor’s heartbeat mingled together in an urban waltz. Time seemed to stop. They might have spent hours together. It might have been a few minutes. Who knew?

Then someone cleared their throat again. Steve looked up as Thor stopped swaying. Bucky was standing awkwardly by the door.

“What is it?” Thor asked. Steve could hear the annoyance dripping from his voice. He didn’t blame him. Bucky had bad timing this time.

“I’m here to crown the Homecoming King,” Bucky announced. Steve blinked.

“Huh?”

“Thor was voted in as Homecoming King tonight,” Bucky said. Steve looked down at his hands and saw that he was holding the ridiculous, poofy crown that they put on the Homecoming King’s head. In keeping with the school colors, it was blue with white trimming and probably just some cheap bauble. But it seemed to matter to the popular kids at school.

“Oh,” Thor replied. He still seemed a bit annoyed though. Was being voted Homecoming King that important?

“Anyway, sorry to interrupt you,” he said. “But the administration asked me to track you down and give it to you.”

Steve loved his friend. He really did. But right now he was really trying not to tell him off. He tried with some difficulty to do a mindfulness exercise. It was really hard to not be pissed off at his friend.

“Buck, I get it, the whole thing is important to someone,” he said, “But couldn't this have waited?”

“I thought the two of you would be happy to hear it,” Bucky said with a frown.

“Thank you for letting me know,” Thor said formally.

“Right, no problem,” Bucky said. He turned on his heel and walked back to the door.

“Bucky,” Steve called after him. He turned around. “Let's hang out tomorrow before you head back to college.”

Bucky actually smiled. “Yeah, let's do that. Meet you there at noon?”

“Of course.”

He waved goodbye and headed out. Steve sighed and turned his attention back to his boyfriend.

“That was bad,” he remarked. “I'm sorry about him.”

“You need not apologize, Steve,” he replied. “It is not your fault. I am perturbed, though, that he didn't think to wait.”

“He has to go back tomorrow,” Steve mused. “He was probably worried that he wouldn't have time.”

“Yet you will see him tomorrow before he leaves,” Thor said. “There would have been time.”

“I'm meeting him at the station at noon, Thor,” Steve countered. “It's not like we're spending the day together.”

“I apologize,” he said with a sigh. “I am… not myself. Do you want to keep dancing?”

Steve thought for a moment. The mood had been ruined by Bucky's entry. Then a thought occurred to him. He wound his arms around Thor's neck.

“No but,” he said, “we could take the fondue. Go back to your place and… pick up where we left off?”

Thor's eyes got that interested glint he'd had earlier. Steve decided he liked that look.

“I cannot wait, älskling,” he purred. -------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thor's couch was really comfortable. Good lumbar support. It was probably the best couch Steve ever made out on. Being the only couch where that happened was a bit of a coincidence. They had just gotten back, with Thor assuring him that a crew would take down what he'd put up in the morning. Thor hadn't even waited for Mrs. Bianchi to warm the fondue back up. Of course, Steve had welcomed it.

“Thor,” he moaned into his mouth. “Thor I need to breathe.”

“Then breathe,” Thor whispered against the shell of his ear. Steve shivered and arched up off the couch as Thor began to kiss down the side of his face. And then Steve whined as Thor began to suck on his neck.

“Jesus Christ,” he hissed. Thor chuckled. Steve raised a hand and tangled it in Thor's hair and pulled slightly as Thor sucked on his apparently sensitive flesh. He felt him purr against him.

“Does that really feel good?” Steve asked. He couldn't imagine why it would.

“It feels great to me,” Thor replied coming off him. “Do you want to know what it feels like?”

“Yes.”

Thor descended on his lips again. Steve yielded, Thor's tongue entering his mouth and exploring the quickly familiarizing terrain. Steve kept his hand in Thor's hair and shivered in anticipation as he felt Thor's hand move from his face to the back of his head.

Then he felt the tug. His head was tilted back, granting access to his neck and his boyfriend descended on it. It hurt. It felt amazing. Steve whined at the pain and pleasure that assaulted his senses. Thor mad his way down his neck pausing to nip and suck at times. When he reached the jugular Steve let loose a particularly loud whine.

Someone cleared their throat. They looked up. It was Mrs. Bianchi. If she was bothered at all by their antics, this time she gave no sign of it.

“Your fondue, sirs,” she said, setting it on the table. “Try not to mess up the couch.”

“We'll try, ma'am,” Steve said, blushing furiously. She smiled and saw herself out.

Thor got up and picked up a prong. “Strawberry? Or something else?”

Steve looked at the tray of fruit and sponge cake. “Is that pineapple?”

“It is.”

“I want some pineapple.” -------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mrs. Bianchi returned to the kitchen. She needed to sit down while she had the chance. At her age she couldn't be on her feet all day and she learned long ago that in this business you took your downtime when it presented itself.

“Are the lovebirds still at it?” Mr. Baker asked.

“Sí,” she confirmed. “Ah to be young and in love again.”

“Indeed,” he said, sipping his tea. She poured herself another pot of coffee. “They seem a good match.”

She hummed in agreement.

“What's the pot at, now?” he asked.

“€150,” she said. “Madam Frigga put €40 on the Christmas holidays.”

“Daring woman,” he commented.

“Master Loki put down €40 for over Valentine's Day.”

Mr. Baker chuckled. “That boy would have us believe that he's cold and calculating. He's such a softie.”

Mrs. Bianchi chuckled in agreement as she sat down at the little table for the staff.

“How do you feel about a private wager?” she asked. “Say, €30?”

“On what?” he asked taking out his wallet.

“If Master Thor makes it to… how do the Americans say?” she asked. “Second place?”

“Second base,” he supplied. “And I'll take that bet. Master Rogers seems a bit shy for it to happen just yet.”

“That boy has the heart of a lion,” she argued. Mr. Baker chuckled and nodded his head.

“I wonder when we'll hear him roar,” he mused. -------------------------------------------------------------------------

He sat with his legs draped over Thor's on the couch in the living room. His neck was surely covered in hickeys, though he definitely gave as good as he got. He peaked at Thor's neck. It was, indeed, also covered in hickeys. He found he did not enjoy having his hair pulled as much as his boyfriend, but he did love being marked by Thor and marking him in return. Thankfully, Thor seemed not to mind being marked.

His chest heaved as he caught his breath. He lay his head on his boyfriend's chest, feeling his chest rising and falling as he caught his breath as well. His felt his heart racing beneath his shirt. One of Thor's arms was wrapped around his shoulders while the other was resting on his thighs.

“Älskling,” he breathed. “You are insatiable.”

“I'm insatiable?” Steve huffed. “You barely stopped long enough to eat the fondue.”

His boyfriend chuckled above him. Steve smiled at the feeling, like rolling thunder.

“Älskling,” he whispered.

Steve's heart warmed at the pet name. “Yes?”

“May I take off your shirt?” he asked.

Steve stilled. He couldn't help but compare himself to Thor. He was big and muscled and defined and Steve… Steve was scrawny. Skinny. Small. He liked how Thor made him feel small, but… he was afraid.

He's going to hate me, he thought. I don't have abs or muscle or anything. And then there's the... He's not going to think I’m attractive or cute or anything when he sees me and it’s all going to crash and burn.

“Breathe, Steve,” Thor said, interrupting his destructive train of thought. “Are you all right?”

“I’m… fine,” he said.

Thor hummed. “What is on your mind?”

“It’s nothing,” he said. Thor rose his eyebrow, like he knew he was bullshitting him. “I’m…”

He couldn’t finish it.

“Take your time,” Thor whispered. He rubbed his thigh in what Steve figured was supposed to be soothing. He wasn’t sure if it worked, but it did help distract him from his thoughts. He took a deep, fortifying breath.

“I’m scared,” he confessed.

“What are you afraid of?”

Steve gulped. “That you won’t think I’m attractive when you… see what I look like.”

Thor regarded him for a moment. Steve decided to keep talking before he came to his senses and shut up before he said something way too incriminating.

“And I’m scared because… I really, really like you, Thor,” he said. “And I don’t want you to leave because you don’t like what you see. And part of me knows that it’s all irrational, but God sometimes I don’t know how to make it shut up!”

Thor was silent. He was rubbing soothing circles onto Steve’s back as he listened. Steve breathed again. He hated when the anxiety was so prevalent in his mind. Like clatter that wouldn’t leave him alone.

“I’m sorry,” he said after a moment. “That must have sounded really clingy and ridiculous.”

Thor looked at him for a moment longer. “Do you know what I think when I look at you?”

Steve blinked. That’s unexpected. He shook his head.

“I think that your eyes shine like stars,” Thor whispered. “I look at your lips and I cannot help but want to kiss them every time or to feel them against my skin.”

Steve blushed and held his hands up to cover his face. Then he felt Thor’s hands gently lift them away. “I think that you look beautiful when you blush and sometimes I tease you just to see your face get red.”

Steve huffed. “Ass.”

His boyfriend smiled. “Speaking of which, I think that your ass looks amazing, especially in jeans,” he whispered. “And I love the way your body feels against mine.

“I think you are powerful, Steve,” he whispered. “You are easily the strongest man I’ve ever dated.”

Steve’s shoulders shook and he cried. Thor held him against his body and kissed the top of his head. He didn’t feel strong. He felt afraid a lot of the time, convinced that the people around him, even Bucky, didn’t really like him at all.

Thor wiped his tears away when he looked at him.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Never apologize for tears, Steve,” he whispered. “There is no shame in them.”

Steve sighed. “I feel really tired, now,” he said. “But I don’t want to leave.”

“You don’t have to,” Thor replied. “We have a spare room. Though you may want to let your mother know so you do not get in trouble again.”

Steve chuckled at the memory of their day playing hookie. It was easier to laugh at the further away it seemed. He quickly got his phone out and saw that his mom had sent him a text asking when he’d be home. He replied that he was invited to stay with Thor. A few minutes later her reply came.

Make good choices, dear! And remember to be courteous!

He blushed at her implication. But considering that he hadn’t even been able to take his shirt off in front of Thor, he doubted there would be any chance to make such choices, good or bad. That didn’t stop him from wondering, though.

When he was done he returned to the couch and lay his head back against Thor’s chest. Thor draped an arm across his shoulders and down the front of his body in that way that made Steve feel safe. He looked up idly at his boyfriend.

“What is it?” Thor asked.

“You have hickies,” Steve said. He reached up to trace over them with a finger. Thor hummed.

“You really are insatiable, älskling,” he said. Steve laughed at it.

“It’s just that I…” Steve said. “I really like seeing you like this.”

Thor offered him a quizzical look but didn’t say anything. Steve kept tracing the marks he left with his finger.

“What is going on here?!” someone shouted. The two of them jumped at the sudden intrusion. The latest in a series of such events that night.

Can we not have a moment to ourselves? Steve wondered. He turned towards the source of the shout. His heart leaped into his throat. It was Thor’s father, Odin.

“Son, what is the meaning of this?” he demanded. “Why is this… boy here? And why are you dishonoring your lover by fraternizing with this… this punk?!”

Steve suddenly felt the urge to slink as far into the couch cushions as he could. It was honestly terrifying to be in the same room as Odin. Unfortunately, Thor had decided that this was a great time to tighten his grip on him.

“Steve is my lover,” Thor said.

“What about that other boy? Bucky?” Odin demanded. “You mean to tell me that what I saw this morning wasn’t because you are dating?”

What the actual fuck is going on? Steve wondered in a panic.

“Bucky was here as a... guest of Loki,” Thor said. “And I doubt there will be anything more between them.”

Odin sneered down his nose at Steve, his one eye making him look all the more menacing.

“I want him out,” Odin declared. “He cannot stay here.”

“He can, actually,” came another voice. It was Frigga. And she looked for all the world like Hell frozen over. “I told Steve weeks ago that he was free to stay here any time he likes.”

“And I just offered him the spare room for the night,” Thor added.

“He cannot stay here!” Odin protested.

“Will you dishonor us, then?” Frigga asked. “Will you take a man who was welcomed as a guest and refuse him hospitality?”

Steve suddenly realized that this scene reminded him very much of something that passed between his mother and Joe years ago. Though Joe was almost always drunk. His heart rate began to race. He knew what was about to happen. They would come to blows. Frigga would get hurt. Stevewould get hurt. That's what happened with people fought.

Then, Odin sighed. “Fine.”

Wait… what just happened? he wondered.

“Steve… Rogers, is it?” Odin said, still scowling at him. “Be welcome in our home. But I will have you know that I do not approve of your relationship with my son.”

“Thank you,” Steve replied. “But I don’t need your approval.”

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, he thought. That last part was not planned in the slightest. Thor and Frigga both raised their eyebrows as they looked between him and the towering, dominating figure that was Odin.

Odin grunted. “At least you have spirit, if nothing else.”

He turned and practically stomped off to another part of the house.

“That was… bracing,” Steve remarked as he left. “And terrifying.”

“Steve,” Frigga said, coming over and sweeping him up in a hug. “You have a warrior’s spirit.”

“Thanks?” he replied, utterly confused.

She released him and pride shown in her eyes as she looked down at him.

“Now, let me get the room prepared,” she said. “And I will have Mr. Baker find you some suitable clothes for you to sleep in and a change of clothes in the morning.”

“Actually, I think I will sleep with Thor,” Steve said. Frigga’s eyebrows rose and mischief, the same mischief that danced in Loki’s eyes, appeared in hers. “Just sleep.”

“Of course,” she replied. “Now, I will bid you goodnight. It has been a long day.”

When she had gone, Thor laid a hand on his. “I am, of course, pleased that you will share my bed, älskling,” he said. “But do not think that you have to do anything which would make you uncomfortable.”

“I just want to sleep, if it’s all the same to you,” Steve replied.

“Of course, but why the change in heart?” he asked.

“You make me feel safe,” Steve said, swallowing. Thor leaned down and kissed him softly on his temple.

“Thank you, Steve,” he said. “That is high praise. And it is my honor to do so.”

Steve smiled and got up. As much as he wanted to stay in Thor’s arms, he had no more energy to do anything but sleep.

[thelastspeecher]

Stan Pines, Farmhand - Chapter 16: This is How the World Ends

Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 5   Chapter 6 Chapter 7   Chapter 8   Chapter 9   Chapter 10   Chapter 11   Chapter 12 Chapter 13   Chapter 14   Chapter 15   Chapter 16   AO3

Holy shit, it’s finally done!  I’ve been working on this fic since October, and this AU series for over a year!  But it’s done!  I mean, as done as I’ll ever be; the multichaps are over, and all that’s left are random posts or ficlets I might make about it.  Thank you guys for all your support, it has been lovely, and so wonderful to write this, with all the love you guys have given me for my nonsense.  I love y’all, and I hope this is a satisfactory ending.  In this, the final chapter, plot lines are resolved, there is yelling and hugging and reconciliation, and Angie tells Ford off.  Enjoy~

Gsrh rh sld gsv dliow vmwh. Mlg drgs zm zklxzobkhv, yfg z xlmevihzgrlm. Zmw rg xivzgvh z xszmxv gl hgzig levi.

August 14, 2012

               Emily winced as the shouting from her parents’ bedroom reached new decibels.

               “I’ve never heard them fight like this before,” she said quietly.  

               “I wanna know what they’re saying,” Mabel said.  “But the last time Grunkle Stan caught me eavesdropping, he grounded me.  And then he said that if he caught me again, he’d cut off my ears, so I couldn’t do it anymore.  He probably won’t do that, but I asked for some cute earrings for my birthday, so…”

               “Ya don’t wanna risk it,” Emily finished.  Mabel nodded.  “I can try to listen, if ya want,” Emily offered.  “It’s not like they can really ground me anymore.”  Mabel beamed.

               “Thanks!”

               “You got it, cuz.”  Emily ruffled Mabel’s hair on her way to her parents’ bedroom.  She pressed an ear against the door.

               “I’m not gonna apologize for protectin’ you.  You and the kids,” Stan said firmly.

               “Ya didn’t protect me!  Ya lied to me!”

               “Bullshit.”  Stan’s short response was enough to stop Angie in her tracks.  

               “Excuse me?”

               “That’s bullshit.  I protected you.  I protected the kids.  Do you have any clue what woulda happened if I hadn’t kept all of this a secret?  Even with all the precautions I took, Bill still almost got the house this summer.” Emily’s eyes widened.

               Dad knows about Bill?  Did he overhear Uncle Ford talkin’ ‘bout him?

               “Who the hell is Bill and what does he have to do with ya lyin’ to me fer thirty fuckin’ years?!”  Emily’s jaw dropped.  

               I didn’t know Ma even knew real swear words.

               “Bill’s the asshole demon that possessed Ford and pushed ya down the stairs thirty years ago,” Stan said.

               Wait, what?  Bill hurt Ma?

               “All the more reason ya should’ve talked to me ‘bout this!” Angie said fiercely.  “If Bill is such an evil, manipulatin’, powerful bein’, ya needed someone to help ya out.”

               “Clearly, I didn’t,” Stan snapped.  There was a long, drawn-out silence.

               “Clearly,” Angie said in a subdued voice.  

               “Angie,” Stan started.  Emily could picture him moving toward her mother, reaching out his arms to comfort her.

               “Leave,” Angie said.  Emily blinked.

               That’s not usually how fights end with them.

               “…What?” Stan asked, like Emily, taken aback.

               “Leave me be, Stanley Pines.  I need some time to myself.”

               “You just got back, though.”

               “I know.”  Emily winced at her mother’s choked-up voice.  “I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to be apart from ya.  Yer not the only one with old issues resurfacing.” Stan said something so quietly that Emily couldn’t make out what it was.  “Yes,” Angie said.  “So ya can understand why it hurts me to send ya away.  But- but we can’t sleep in the same bed tonight, Stan.”  

               “…Fine.”  There were footsteps.  Emily moved away from the door just before it opened.  Stan looked at his daughter.  “Squirt, how many times do we have to tell ya not to eavesdrop?” he said tiredly, closing his bedroom door.

               “I wasn’t eavesdropping!” Emily protested.

               “Kid.”

               “Okay, maybe I was.  But it was for a good cause!”

               “Mabel asked ya?”

               “Yeah, but I was gonna do it anyways.”

               “Figures.”  Stan took a seat on the floor in the hallway.  Emily sat down next to him.

               “Are ya sure you’ll be able to stand up again?” she asked.  Stan sighed.

               “Now’s not the time,” he said.  Emily looked down.

               “Sorry.”

               “Not yer fault.  Nope, it’s my fault.  All of it.” Stan groaned.  “This isn’t how today was supposed to go.  The first day of seein’ yer ma in months, well, if I hadn’t messed up like this, there’s no way we’d be spendin’ it in separate beds.  Can’t really do what we planned on in-”

               “Dad.”

               “Right.”  

               “It does suck, though,” Emily said.  “You thought Ma would be happy to have Uncle Ford back, and that Uncle Ford would be happy to be back and wouldn’t punch ya.  And ya didn’t think you’d be worried about yer twin stealin’ yer family from ya.”  Stan looked at Emily, startled.

               “What?”

               “Dad, I was there.  I was there durin’ yer very questionable run for the mayor of Gravity Falls.  I was there when ya started gettin’ worried over Uncle Ford and Dipper playin’ that weird graph paper game.  The same one Danny ‘n Daisy like fer some reason.  I’ve seen how nervous ya are that Mabel and Dipper like him better.”

               “Damn.  You’re too smart for yer own good, kiddo,” Stan said quietly.  

               “I know.”  Emily leaned against Stan.  “Things’ll work out.”

               “Ya keep sayin’ that.”

               “That’s ‘cause it’s true.  It’ll just take a while is all.”

               “Don’t have much summer left fer that.”

               “So?” Emily asked.

               “Never mind.”

               “No, tell me!”

               “Nope.  Help me up, will ya,” Stan said.  Emily groaned.

               “I guess.

----- 

August 17, 2012

               There was a gentle knock on Ford’s door.

               “Come in,” Ford said, concentrating on shaving.  The door opened.

               “Uh, Stanford, why are ya holdin’ a lighter so close to yer face?” Angie asked, staring at him.

               “Hmm?  Oh, I’ve found that this is much faster than traditional shaving.”

               “And more dangerous,” Angie said.  She took a few steps into the room and closed the door behind her. “Stanford, I didn’t get a chance to talk to ya yet.  Between the jetlag and the…emotional roller coaster, I’ve been too exhausted.  But I’ve gotten some rest, and feel refreshed. Which means we need to discuss what happened thirty years ago, and what’s happenin’ now.”

               “Okay.”  Angie took a seat on the couch and patted a spot next to her.  Ford reluctantly joined her.

               “Look, I’m glad to see ya.  But you made one hell of a mistake back then,” Angie said shortly. “Fidds told ya not to get dark magic involved, but ya still made a deal with a demon, and just about all of us paid the price.”

               “I’m sorry about that.  I didn’t think Bill was-”

               “Ya didn’t think a literal demon was bad news?  Stanford, yer supposed to be a genius.  Act like it,” Angie snapped.  Ford stared, surprised to hear such a cruel tone from her.  “Ya don’t owe me an apology just fer makin’ a deal with Bill.  Ya owe me an apology fer pushin’ me down those stairs. Ya put me in a coma.  My arm was broken.  I had to go through speech therapy ‘cause my stutter came back.  And my fam’ly was put through hell worryin’ ‘bout me.  Worryin’ ‘bout Fidds, and Stan, and you.  Stanford, we were terrified fer you.”  She sighed. “And then Stan told us that you were dead.”

               “I know.  I’m not very pleased with that.”

               “Don’t matter whether yer pleased with that.  Ya still owe some apologies.  And ya need to thank Stan fer bringin’ you back.  Emily told me ya never did that.”

               “I’m not going to thank Stan for endangering the entire universe,” Ford snapped. “And I’m sick of your judgmental tone!” Angie glowered.  Ford immediately regretted his words.

               “Yer over fifty years old, Stanford Pines.  So why are ya actin’ like a child?  And I should know what a child acts like.  I raised five of ‘em.”

               “…Five?”

               “Someone had to help Fidds with Tate.  You left a mess behind, and instead of thankin’ folks fer cleanin’ it up, or apologizin’ fer makin’ it, yer lashing out at yer own damn fam’ly.  My tone may be judgmental, but I’ve got good reasons to judge ya.  I have no clue what is so broken between you and Stan that ya can’t even recognize what he did fer you.  Was it perfect?  No. But it was still an enormous undertaking.”

               “I can’t thank someone who put my safety above others’.”

               “That’s what Stan does,” Angie said softly.  Ford looked down, her words connecting with the guilt he’d had in the back of his mind.  Angie played with her hands.  “Okay, I just have one thing left to say ‘fore I go hide from my husband some more.”

               “What?”

               “Don’t try to keep Dipper and Mabel away from the weirdness of Gravity Falls.”  Ford stared at her, thinking about what Stan had told him.

               “Why not?”

               “They’re kids.  They’ll mess with things ya tell ‘em not to.”  Angie sighed.  “Over thirty years of bein’ a dad, you’d think Stan would’ve figured that part out. But I prefer that you encourage them to look into things.  To be curious.  That way they know how to be safe ‘bout it.  Stan was right, Gravity Falls is dangerous.  But only if ya don’t know what yer doin’.  So show ‘em.  But show ‘em how to be safe, too.  No matter how difficult it is to break yer habit of throwin’ caution to the wind.”  Angie smiled weakly.  There was a hesitant knock.  

               “Yes?” Ford said.  Dipper opened the door.  

               “Great-Uncle Ford, I was wondering if you had any research you wanted to do today.  Mabel wants me to help plan our birthday party, so I thought I should check in first.” Dipper noticed Angie sitting next to Ford.  “Oh, hi Grauntie Angie.”

               “Howdy there, kidlet,” Angie said.

               “Actually, Dipper, yes, I do have something I could use your assistance on,” Ford said.  Dipper’s eyes widened eagerly.

               “Really?”

               “Yes,” Ford said.  Angie patted Ford’s leg.  

               “I’ll leave you two kooks to do yer research.”  Once the door had closed, Dipper looked at Ford.

               “So, what do you need me to help with?”

               “You recall the containment for the rift, yes?”

               “Yeah.”

               “Well, it’s cracking.”

----- 

               Emily hesitantly opened the door to her parents’ bedroom.

               “Ma?” she said cautiously.  Her mother looked up from the book she was reading and smiled.

               “Hey there, sweetling,” Angie said, putting her book to the side. Emily sat on the bed next to her. “What’s the reason fer ya stoppin’ by? Thought you were workin’ in the gift shop right now.”

               “I had Wendy cover me fer a few minutes,” Emily replied.

               “That Corduroy girl is somethin’ else,” Angie said.  

               “Yeah.  Look, Ma, here’s the thing.  Dad is- he’s really upset.  Like, really upset and-”  A stormy expression gathered on Angie’s face.  “-and that’s clearly not what I should be talkin’ about.”

               “I know yer dad feels bad fer what he did,” Angie said slowly.  “And he should.”

               “I know!  I know he should feel bad.  But maybe give him a break?” Emily suggested.  Angie shook her head.

               “No,” Angie whispered in a broken voice.  “No, I can’t.  Not yet. He lied to me longer ‘n you’ve been alive.”

               “Ma-” Emily started.

               “Leave me alone,” Angie said suddenly.

               “What?”

               “Em, I need some time alone.”

               “But-”

               “Emily Marlene Pines, leave me be!” Angie snapped.  Tears were standing in her eyes.  Emily bit her lip.

               “Sorry, Ma, I didn’t mean to-”

               “I know you didn’t, but I just can’t handle talkin’ ‘bout yer father right now,” Angie whispered.  She rubbed her eyes.  “Go, sweetie. I don’t want ya to see me cry like this.”

               “Ma-”

               “I mean it!  Get goin’!”

               “O-okay,” Emily stammered.  She stood up and walked over to the door.  Before she left, she looked back at her mother.  Angie’s head was in her hands, her shoulders shuddering from the force of her sobs.  

               “Yer ma’s still angry, huh?” a voice asked, the second Emily had closed the door behind her.  Emily spun around, startled.  Stan was in the hallway, looking abashed.  Emily rubbed her face.

               “Dad, I think she’s beyond angry right now.  Ya know how important tellin’ the truth is to her.  Everyone’s upset, including Mabel and-”

               “Wait, Mabel’s still upset?” Stan interrupted.

               “Uh, yeah.”

               “I thought I talked her down.”

               “Well, I saw her a few minutes ago and she was crying.  And I was goin’ to ask Ma fer help, but I brought you up, and that pissed her off, so I had to leave ‘fore I could ask.”  Stan frowned.  Emily recognized the look.  “What are you thinkin’ ‘bout?”  Stan rubbed his chin.

               “I’ve been wonderin’ if I should try that McGucket conflict resolution thing with Dipper and Mabel.”

               “Is that the same thing you and Ma had me do with Daisy?”

               “Yeah.  It worked with me and Ford, and we were way past what Dipper and Mabel are dealin’ with, so it should work for them.”  He sighed. “I’ve just been hopin’ that I wouldn’t need to, that they’d figure it out on their own.”

               “Dad…”

               “I know, I know.  I shoulda tried to fix things sooner.”  They heard the bell of the gift shop door jingle.  Voices carried to where Stan and Emily were standing.

               “Dipper and Uncle Ford are back,” Emily said quietly.  She looked at her dad.  “Now’s as good a time as any.”  

               “Yer right.  Go fetch Mabel, I’ll handle the nerds.  A fam’ly discussion is long overdue.”

----- 

               Soos walked into the living room, closely followed by Angie.

               “I brought her, dudes,” Soos said, gesturing to Angie.  She frowned.  

               “Jesus, you weren’t serious about the salamander you claimed to have found, were ya?”

               “…No,” Soos admitted.  Angie sighed and took a seat on the floor.

               “Fine.  What’s goin’ on here?  An intervention?”

               “I think so,” Mabel said slowly.  Her eyes were still red-rimmed from crying earlier.  “But I don’t know what it’s about.  I mean, after the last one, I stopped using glitter in everything I bake!”

               “This isn’t about glitter,” Emily, who was standing near one of the exits, said.  “It’s about how everyone in this house is upset, but no one’s doin’ anything ‘bout it. Ma’s avoiding Dad, Uncle Ford won’t explain whatever he’s doin’ in the basement, and I guess forgot how manners work, and now Dipper and Mabel are havin’ issues, too!”  Angie looked at Dipper and Mabel, concerned.

               “Is that true?” Angie asked.  Mabel looked away.  “What happened?”

               “Ahem, I’m the moderator,” Emily said. Angie raised her eyebrows. “…Ma.  But anyways, yeah, Dipper and Mabel, go ahead and explain what happened.”

               “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dipper said, crossing his arms.

               “Yeah right, apprentice,” Mabel scoffed.  Dipper stared at her.

               “How do you know about that?”

               “The walkie-talkies!  Doy!”

               “Wait, catch me up here,” Angie said, “Dipper’s an apprentice?”

               “Great-Uncle Ford asked me if I wanted to be.  I’d stay here in Gravity Falls and help him with his research,” Dipper explained.  Angie crossed her arms and glared at Ford.

               “He asked ya that, huh?”

               “And Dipper agreed!” Mabel burst out.  She sniffled.  “He’s- he’s gonna stay, and I’m gonna leave, and-”

               “But this is a huge opportunity for me,” Dipper said to Mabel.  

               “It’s a horrible opportunity for me!” Mabel shouted.  “You’re- you’re supposed to be the person I can count on.  I don’t wanna leave Gravity Falls behind, but- but when I thought you were gonna come back home with me, that was all right.  Now you’re not?  I- I don’t wanna grow up without you!”

               “Hold on,” Angie interrupted.  Mabel and Dipper looked at her, but she was still staring at Ford, clearly furious.  “Stanford, ya didn’t consult anyone about any of this.”

               “I-” Ford started.

               “If yer goin’ to ask a boy to leave his fam’ly behind, talk to ‘em first! I mean, I don’t think Caleb and Amelia would actually be comfortable with this.  But now ya went and got his hopes up over somethin’ that, logistically, won’t happen.”

               “Caleb and Amelia would be ecstatic, given my educational background and experience,” Ford said.

               “Just ‘cause yer smart don’t mean ya make good decisions,” Angie snapped. Ford glowered.

               “The boy needs space to develop his intellect!  He’s been suffocating, tied down by a twin that he’s never been apart from!”

               “Is that what you really think?” Mabel whispered.  Dipper stared at his twin, devastated.

               “No!  I- I never said that, Mabel, I promise!”

               “But you were gonna leave me.”

               “I-”  Dipper stopped.  “I don’t want to,” he said quietly.  “I don’t think I ever wanted to.  I just got caught up in, y’know, the coolness of it all.  Being an apprentice to the author of the journals.  Saving the world and whatever.  But I’d be spending my teen years cooped up in a basement, and without you.  And I don’t want that.”  Mabel smiled weakly at him.

               “And Mom and Dad would freak,” Mabel said.

               “Yeah.  They would,” Dipper said.  “Awkward sibling hug?”

               “Sincere sibling hug.”

               “See, Mabel?” Stan said, watching the two embrace.  “Like I told ya, you’ve got your brother with you. You’ll be fine.”

               “You’ll be fine, too, Grunkle Stan,” Mabel said confidently.  She patted Dipper on the back twice and they broke apart.  Stan smiled, but it was clearly insincere.  

               “If you say so, kiddo.”

               “Actually, Dad, that’s a really good segue,” Emily said.  She looked at Dipper and Mabel.  “You two can leave, if ya want.”  

               “And miss out on all the juicy gossip?  Please,” Mabel said, waving a hand.  Dipper nodded.

               “Yeah, like we’d leave of our own free will, when things are gonna start getting good?”  Emily looked over at Stan.

               “Dad, you can decide if they stay or not.  It’s yer business that we’re dealin’ with next.”

               “Great,” Stan muttered.  He sighed. “They can stay.  They’d eavesdrop even if we kicked ‘em out.”

               “You know it!” Mabel chirped.  Stan cracked a half-smile.

               “All right, then.  Onto Dad’s issues,” Emily said.  Stan closed his eyes with a groan.  “Who wants to go first, Ma or Uncle Ford?”

               “Ladies first,” Ford said, gesturing towards Angie.  Angie frowned.

               “Sure, yer quite the gentleman when yer tryin’ to avoid talkin’ ‘bout yer feelin’s,” she said snidely.  “You Pines folk ‘re all stunted emotionally, I swear.”

               “Ma,” Emily intervened.  Angie sighed.

               “Guess I’m up first.  Stan, ya did the wrong thing fer the right reason.  But I can take care of myself.  I don’t need unsolicited protection.”

               “I know,” Stan said.  “But when ya were comatose in a hospital bed, or gettin’ frustrated over how slow yer speech therapy was goin’, really didn’t seem that way.”

               “The lyin’ went on past that,” Angie replied.

               “Yeah.  It did. I’m sorry, Angie.”

               “This is the sort of thing married folks aren’t supposed to have. Secrets that go on fer thirty years. Is it any wonder I have issues lookin’ ya in the eye?” Angie asked, her voice breaking.  “Is it any wonder I can’t hardly be in the same room as ya? All that time, all that time spent together, happy, raisin’ our kids.  Now those good memories are- are poisoned.  ‘Cause you were lyin’ durin’ ‘em.”  Angie bit her lip and looked away.  “Sometimes…sometimes I wondered if ya were cheatin’ on me.”

               “What?  Angie, I would never-”

               “Cheat?  But how can I trust ya ‘bout that now, knowing yer lies?”  Angie shook her head.  “Maybe the blame’s on me, too, though.  I ain’t blind.  I knew somethin’ was happenin’.  I knew there was a reason you were runnin’ yourself more ragged than usual, that there was a reason ya suddenly developed an interest in what Stanford was workin’ on, that there was a reason ya had us move into yer dead twin’s house, and start up, of all things, a tourist trap.  I told myself you were just grievin’ in yer own way.  But I knew there was more, and if I hadn’t been too scared to actually figure out what else was goin’ on, maybe- maybe we wouldn’t be in such a rough spot right now.”  Angie finished her speech with a decrescendo, getting quieter as she neared the end, until the last few words were almost a whisper.

               “Angie, when we got married, you said there wasn’t anything that could make you leave me,” Stan said.  He swallowed. “Is that still true?”  Angie looked down.

               “It hurt every day I was in Maine,” she said softly, after a pause that was far too long for Stan’s liking.  “But not from old age.  From missin’ you.  I’m furious ‘bout all of this.  But I love you and the life we built together more ‘n I’m angry.”  She looked up, and there were tears standing in her blue eyes. Eyes that still had the same brilliance Stan had first seen forty-one years ago.  “Stanley Pines, I can’t think of a single thing that would make me leave.” Stan smiled weakly at her.  “Even with the lyin’, and my nightmares comin’ back, and everything feelin’ like it’s fallin’ apart, I- I can’t get over how much I love ya.  I ain’t leavin’.  I ain’t plannin’ on ever leavin’.”

               “I’m sorry that I dragged us into this mess,” Stan said.  

               “It- it is what it is, I s’pose.  All’s we can do now is try to move forward.  Work on the trust stuff a bit more.”  Angie and Stan shared a tentative smile.  Ford, who was standing near the tank Angie kept her favorite amphibians in, frowned.

               “Nightmares?” Ford asked.

               “Nothin’ to write home ‘bout, I don’t think.  Had ‘em a bit ‘fore Stan showed up at the farm, had ‘em a bit ‘fore you showed up at the farm, and they started up again while I was doin’ research in Maine this summer.”  Angie shrugged.  “But they stopped when I got back.  Put me in an awful mood fer Stan tellin’ me he got you home, though.  I was so exhausted and frustrated, even without the nasty things I was dreamin’.  With all of it together, I almost didn’t come home.”

               “Shi- shoot, Angie, if you didn’t come home,” Stan said, “I…I don’t know what I’d do.  Send the kids home?  Kick Ford’s a- butt for bein’ the reason?”

               “Mm.  Prob’ly both, knowin’ you,” Angie said.  She suddenly registered the concerned look she was getting from everyone else in the room, other than her husband.  “Wh- what’s the problem?”

               “Bill has the ability to cause nightmares,” Ford said.  

               “So?  The human psyche can make ‘em, too,” Angie said.  Ford nodded.

               “Yes, but the timing seems odd.  Your nightmares tend to have surges at crucial points.  Stan arriving at your house, and therefore not becoming a homeless criminal.  Stan and I meeting at your house, and therefore patching things up before we became too distant.  Stan telling you that I’m back, and therefore we can put a stop to Bill’s insanity once and for all.”

               “When yer stressed-” Angie started.

               “We set somethin’ up around the house,” Emily interrupted.  “It keeps Bill’s influence out.  He can’t peek into any minds here, can’t cause any nightmares. And yer nightmares stopped when ya came back.”  Angie was silent.

               “Violynn said that yer nightmares got so bad the first time, that yer folks almost didn’t leave,” Stan said quietly.  Angie looked at him.  “If yer folks didn’t leave when they did, they wouldn’t have found me.  And the second time, they talked about not lettin’ Ford come over.  And now…”

               “…Now I almost broke yer heart, which would’ve ruined everything else,” Angie whispered.

               “If Stan and I got in a physical altercation, or the kids went home, Bill would have found it much easier to gain access to the rift,” Ford said. “Frustration, anger…those emotions are ones Bill relies on.  He can finetune righteous fury until it fits his own perverted needs.”  Angie put her head in her hands.

               “I have a million questions,” Angie said quietly, “the first one bein’ what ‘the rift’ is.  But- I don’t think I’m ready fer the answer right now.  I thought it was bad enough, that demon puttin’ me in a coma.  But playin’ with my mind?  I-”

               “Yeah, it sucks,” Dipper said firmly.  Angie nodded.

               “Sure does, kiddo.”  After a long pause, Emily cleared her throat.

               “So…Dad and Uncle Ford?”

               “Are we seriously still doin’ this?” Stan demanded.

               “Yes.”

               “It’s been a long day, I think we could use a break,” Ford said.

               “Nuh-uh.  If we stop now, we won’t ever finish,” Emily said, shaking her head.  “So.  Dad and Uncle Ford.  Talk.”

               “Ford, up yours.”

               “What?!” Ford said.

               “Dad.  Not helpful.”

               “Fine.  Ford, thirty years ago, ya asked me to abandon my fam’ly, to save yer skin. Sure, that fight might’ve ended in me pushin’ you through the portal.  But it never woulda gotten that far if you didn’t put your own bullsh- crap above everyone else,” Stan snarled.  Ford glowered.

               “I put my problems above others’? Stanley, you were willing to risk the universe’s safety for your family, and then later, for me!”

               “I did what ya asked me to!” Stan snapped.  “You asked me to help you.  I did it.  And after thirty years of breakin’ my back to do what ya told me to do, we won’t even talk! Goddam- gosh dangit, Ford, I thought we were past this!”

               “So did I!” Ford shouted.  Dipper and Mabel exchanged a wide-eyed look.  “So did I,” Ford said, in a more reasonable tone.  He ran a hand through his hair.  “Why do we keep having this argument, over and over again?”

               “‘Cause whenever ya have problems, it always happens at the worst time,” Angie suggested.

               “Ma, yer not allowed to contribute,” Emily said.  Angie rolled her eyes.

               “No, that- that sounds right,” Ford said.  “Maybe we are emotionally stunted, unable to talk things out, until it builds and builds, and the only possible result is explosive.”

               “Does that mean yer gonna thank me?” Stan asked.

               “Only if you apologize to me,” Ford replied.  Stan frowned thoughtfully.

               “I’ll think about it.  But no matter what, I ain’t apologizin’ in front of the kids.  They’ll think I’m soft.”

               “You already said sorry to Grauntie Angie about ten times,” Dipper said.

               “Eh.  That’s different.”  

               “Are we done?” Ford asked Emily.  Emily nodded.

               “Actually, yeah.  Huh, and it took less time than me and Daisy did.”

               “Stanford, what is the rift?” Angie asked suddenly.

               “Essentially, it’s a rip in the fabric of the universe, a portal of sorts between our dimension and that of Bill’s.  It was created by Stanley turning on the portal,” Ford explained.

               “The big problem,” Dipper jumped in.  He stopped and looked at Ford, who nodded.  “The big problem is that Bill can come through it if it gets too big. So Great-Uncle Ford sealed it in a snow globe.”

               “The containment device is more durable than a snow globe, but continue,” Ford said.

               “But now, the containment device or snow globe or whatever it is, is cracking.”

               “Which means that the rift isn’t actually contained,” Angie said slowly.

               “Yes.  Dipper and I went to the UFO site today, to find alien adhesive to seal the containment device shut,” Ford said.

               “Seems like yer tryin’ to put a bandaid over a gunshot wound,” Angie said. “That ain’t goin’ to work in the long run!”

               “I just needed to buy some time, until I find a better solution,” Ford said.

               “Didn’t you meet anyone in other dimensions who might be able to help out?” Emily asked.  Ford paused.

               “Actually, yes.  But Jheselbraum is busy, and I don’t have a way of visiting her dimension.”

               “Does she have a cellphone?” Mabel asked.  “You could call her.”  Ford rubbed his chin.

               “No, she doesn’t have a cellphone…but you’re right.  I could call her.  Through other means, of course.”

               “Great!  And now that all the end of the world things are taken care of, we can finally start planning the birthday party!” Mabel said enthusiastically.  Angie chuckled.

               “You really have a one-track mind, don’t ya, darlin’?”

----- 

September 2, 2012

               Ford stood on the porch of his house, if it could be called that anymore, given the discussions that were going on about the Mystery Shack’s future.

               “I can’t live here anymore,” Ford said abruptly, the night of the “intervention”.  He, Stan, and Angie were enjoying some much needed alcoholic beverages.

               “Why not?” Stan asked.  

               “It’s just changed so much.  It’s not the same place I left.  Even if I wanted to live in a house that also functions as a tourist trap, I can’t do that if it doesn’t feel like home.”

               “Then where will ya go?” Angie asked, idly stirring her rum and coke.  

               “Not sure.  Unless…maybe I could get the Stan O’War up and running.”

               “What?” Stan said.  “You- you wanna go on an ocean adventure?”

               “Yes.  I think it would be a nice break from all of the…”

               “Drama,” Angie suggested.

               “Bullshit,” Stan said.

               “Well, yes, this summer has been full of both of those things.”  Ford looked down at his glass tumbler.  “But I don’t think I could crew her on my own.”  Stan was silent.  “I don’t want to take you from your family, Stan-”

               “My kids are all grown up, Angie’s busy findin’ evolutionary missing links.  All I do is sit around, bein’ old,” Stan said.  He grinned.  “Finally doin’ a trip on the Stan O’War sounds pretty great to me, Sixer.”

               “You two could use some bondin’ time,” Angie added.  “So’s long as ya don’t disappear off the face of the earth, I think I can handle bein’ apart from Stan fer a few months.  Done it before.”  She looked at Stan.  “But the two of ya wouldn’t be able to leave fer a bit, y’know.”

               “Oh, yeah, there’s a thing.  The whole fam’ly’s goin’.  I can’t go until after it.”

               “That’s fine.  The extra time will be useful.  I can put some affairs in order, adjust the ship to be suited for my research, et cetera,” Ford said.

               “Or you could come to the party,” Angie suggested. Ford blinked.

               “Um, I don’t know how wise that would be.  I don’t even know what it’s for.”

               “A birthday.  Yer welcome to come,” Angie said.  She picked up on his hesitation.  “But you can think about it a bit ‘fore ya make up yer mind.”

               “Geez, Angie, what do ya take us for?  People who think before doin’ things?” Stan asked sarcastically.

               “Clearly ya aren’t, since ya haven’t discussed what you’ll do with the Mystery Shack.”

               “Shut it down, obviously,” Stan said.  Angie stared at him, aghast.

               “And break poor Jesus’s heart like that?”

               “Why do ya call him by his full name?”

               “Why do ya not realize how much this dumb ole place means to him?” Angie retorted.  Stan sighed.

               “Like always, you have a point.  Soos is a good kid.  He shouldn’t have to watch the Shack shut down.”  He frowned thoughtfully.  “Hmm. I bet the Mr. Mystery suit would look good on him.”  Angie smiled.

               “That’s more like it.”

               Ford shook himself out of his memories and watched his twin load up the Stanleymobile.  Emily tossed Stan a large duffel bag.  Stan caught it, but stumbled slightly under the weight and force of the throw.  Ford smiled as Emily laughed.

               “Yer losin’ yer touch, old man,” Emily said teasingly.  Stan rolled his eyes and stuffed the duffel bag into the trunk.

               “I’m just goin’ easy on ya.  What with you bein’ my daughter and all,” Stan said.  Emily snorted.

               “Sure, Dad.”  Ford heard the front door open.  Angie walked past with another bag of luggage.  

               “Geez, how much crap do you guys have?” Stan asked.  Angie went over to her husband.

               “This is yer stuff, darlin’.  And it’s the last of it.”  Stan took the bag from her and put it in the car, then closed the trunk.  “All right, you two, we ain’t stoppin’ fer a while. Bathroom break now or hold it,” Angie said briskly.  Emily shook her head.

               “I’m good, Ma.”

               “Then let’s load up,” Angie said.  Stan opened the door of the Stanleymobile for her, eliciting a laugh. Angie kissed him on the cheek before getting into the back seat.  Emily joined her mother.  Stan closed the door.

               “So, where are you headed, again?” Ford asked.

               “We’re gonna stop by San Diego to pick up Emmett, and then go to the farm,” Stan replied.  “The whole fam’ly’s gonna be there to celebrate the triplets’ birthday.”  He looked at Ford.  “Includin’ Fidds, Tate, and Tate’s kids.  You made up yer mind about comin’?”  Ford rubbed the back of his neck uncertainly.  On the one hand, he was eager to see his son and grandchildren. On the other, it had been thirty years.

               The McGuckets probably wouldn’t want to see me.

               “You probably need the extra space for Fiddleford,” Ford said.  Stan shook his head.

               “Nah.  Fidds headed out yesterday,” Stan said.  Angie rolled down the car window.

               “I didn’t sit in the back seat fer nothin’, Stanford!” she shouted teasingly. Ford cracked a small smile.

               “I really don’t know if I should intrude…”

               “Intrude?  Ford, it’s pretty damn difficult to crash a fam’ly gatherin’ if yer fam’ly,” Stan said. “Seriously.  Ya comin’?”  Ford looked at his house.

               I don’t think I can call it that anymore.  He looked back at his twin, his sister-in-law, and his niece.  His smile grew broader.  

               “…Yes.”