#hey the rules just say no pets the rules do not DEFINE what a pet is

[armysantiny]

-[minho; soft bf headcanon

P: Minho x gender neutral reader | G: fluff, headcanon | Inc: getting together, playful teasing/pranks, soft domesticity, waking up together, cooking together, nicknames, mention of a situation-ship, the members being fed up with the both you (affectionately), I wrote this for me/j | Wc: 718 | W: none i think| R: G

This headcanon is just me fulfilling my own delusions, let’s get that out of the way first/hj

Fun fact this was also written at work :D

Minho is very much an affectionate tease; he absolutely loves the playful little dynamic the both of you have got going on

Always feels like there’s an inside joke for just the two of you to share

If it’s not playful teasing, then it’s the softest domesticity in the world and I stand by this

Cuddling on the sofa after the two of you get home and wordlessly deciding on what to watch

Gentle touches on the small of your back when he walks past

Especially when you’re cooking together, and he needs to grab something from the cupboard

Waking up in the morning and the affection is just pouring out of his eyes

Yk what I mean

The lazy smiles, the quiet “g’morning” followed by “no, no, we can stay in a little bit longer”

All the while the cats are using your legs as cushions

And hey if the cats love you then that’s it, he’s planning the wedding/hj

There is not a day that goes by where your name is not on this man’s lips

Every day without fail he finds a way to mention you in conversations with his friends

The members already have to hear this man singing your praises day in and day out

In fact, it was likely Chan that encouraged him to approach you in the first place, Minho at first just very content to admire you from a distance

Not that he wasn’t confident that you’d like him  

But that he’s a very, very, busy man with his idol career

And he wouldn’t want to force you to have to deal with the second-hand stress that clearly comes with dating an idol

Cue a montage of him coming to befriend you and slowly worming his way into your heart

Before you know it you also have a crush on this man

And somehow becomes a situation-ship?? Don’t ask me I don’t make the rules, I just write these things

You’re visiting him during practice with drinks and snacks for everyone, engaging with the other members and they love you

All the more reason for Minho to fall further and further in love with you

You’re sweet, care for him and love being around the important people in his life?? Just what did he do to deserve you—

The whatever-it-is between you doesn’t get defined for a while, but you’re both content atm

Bixby play I Like It/j

One day he slips and calls you his lover, but he says it with the upmost conviction

The man means it, I tell you

When you find out, from one of the kids (who said that—) you tease him with a “we’re lovers now are we?”

Which is exactly the moment you understand why a shy Minho is an adorable Minho

“If, well- you know…I think it fits.”

“I do too.” And he pulls you into one of those tight hugs where you can feel his heartbeat and good lord it’s doing double time

If somehow, he wasn’t already doing it before, Minho is now calling you nothing else but every fond pet name under the sun that he associates with you

Uses some of the odder pet names when he wants to hear you snort with laughter

“Hey there, kitten,” and the two of you are snickering bc neither of you can take that one seriously

Your collective friend groups roll their eyes when the two of you team up to cause chaos

Casually pulling harmless pranks on everyone who’s game

Oh, and he holds your hand. All the time. Absolutely everywhere

His hand kinda just seeks yours out on its own sometimes lmao

There’s just something about that shared warmth every time that he loves

That and he thinks it’s cute when you drag him around to show him something when you’re out on a date

Makes a huge fuss out of being taken somewhere and yet he’s willingly looking up the directions and driving the car, admonishing you for even suggesting that he doesn’t have to.

Excuse me will you accept his acts of service or what?? Let him love you dammit/lh

© copyright work of armysantiny 2024-2025

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[prongsfish]

@croptopjames / 1,015 words / happy bday jfp <3 - nsfw but fades to black

Regulus thought he might die, honestly.

This couldn’t be allowed. It was surely against the rules. Regulus wasn’t exactly sure what rules he was referring to (Laws against public indecency, maybe?), but somebody had to stop James Potter.

He knew exactly what he was doing, too. Chest puffed out, arms crossed, and leaning against the wall, all while idly rolling his wrist, the red cup in his hand moving in circles. Regulus couldn’t see into the cup, but assuming it wasn’t yet empty of beer, he thought the liquid sloshing around inside was likely reminiscent of the feeling inside his stomach. His smile too, of course, betrayed his self-satisfaction. The glint in his eyes said that he knew just how much he was affecting the other party-goers.

Regulus huffed over the man’s ridiculously large ego and tried not to think about how, at that moment, he was the perfect example to prove it justified.

And he definitely wasn’t thinking about the strip of brown skin between the top of his jeans and the hem of his shirt, which was much too small for him. The skin that was covered by it was only barely less inappropriate as he may as well have not been wearing a shirt at all with how tightly it clung to the contours of his defined torso.

He looks ridiculous, Regulus thought, like he’s wearing a kid’s t-shirt. He ignored the contrasting reaction his body seemed to be insisting on, but still couldn’t bring himself to tear his eyes away.

“Jesus Christ, mate, try not to drool,” Barty said from beside him. Regulus scowled but didn’t so much as glance over at him, despite having no clue when he got there. “I’ve seriously never seen you look this desperate. I’m a bit worried you’ll combust.”

“Shut up.” He replied through gritted teeth. Barty just sighed and pet him roughly on the back.

“Alright, whatever, I’m gonna go see if Dorcas has found anything stronger to drink yet. Have fun with your ogling.”

Regulus didn’t bother answering, instead taking a sip of the drink he’d been nursing for a while by then. He wasn’t exactly sure what was in it, but Pandora made it, so he wasn’t worried. Any other of his friends and he wouldn’t have dared touch it.

James had been talking to people most of the night and had only been on his own like that for a few minutes. Regulus watched him as he watched everyone else, had been watching him all night, really, but appreciated that he was standing still now. He swore that the man couldn’t stay in one spot for more than thirty seconds.

He didn't know why he felt caught out, then, when James' eyes finally wandered over to him, smirk widening to find Regulus’ eyes already trained intently on him. He wasn’t exactly being subtle, and James had been watching all around the room, of course he’d look his way eventually. If his brain hadn’t been occupied with… other details and he’d thought about it, he would’ve expected it.

He wouldn’t have expected James to then push off the wall and start walking towards him, though.

“Hey Reg,” He said once he was close enough to be heard over the music blasting around them. God, he looked so full of himself. Disgustingly pleased. It made Regulus’ blood burn.

“Potter,” Regulus raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t take that tone with me after I caught you staring.” James wasn’t that much taller than Regulus, but the handful of inches between them meant he looked down at him when they spoke. It definitely did not make Regulus’ stomach flood with butterflies.

“I was simply astounded by your ridiculous attire. I don’t quite know what you were going for there, but it’s a bit of a train wreck.”

“Y’know it’s useless lying to me, baby. It’s written all over your face what you’re really thinking.” God, his voice was good. Deeper than usual, and thick and sweet as syrup. Did he just call him baby?

“And what exactly, would you say, I’m thinking?” Regulus narrowed his eyes, staring directly into James’ own.

James' free hand lifted to rest lightly on Regulus’ hip, just grazing the side of his waist. He tried to hide the way he sucked in a breath, but James’ grin told him he was unsuccessful.

“Similar to what I am, surely.”

Regulus swallowed hard. He wouldn’t give in this easily. “What would Sirius think about you touching his little brother like this, hm?”

James just exhaled a laugh. “Sirius isn’t here right now.” His grip tightened slightly as he leaned forward to murmur only inches away from his face and Regulus couldn’t resist how his eyes snapped down to watch how muscles both covered and uncovered by his shirt shifted. “Don’t change the subject.”

Alright, maybe Regulus would give in that easily.

He swayed forward, suddenly, hands moving up to cup his face and pulling him into a kiss. James’ lips reacted quickly, moving against his own, and his arm shifted around his waist to place his palm on his back. James’ tongue slid against Regulus’ lips and he opened them without hesitation, groaning into his mouth as they hurried to escalate. The sound seemed to spur James on some more, and he started walking them both away, speaking words at a time between devouring Regulus’ mouth with his own. “C’mon, baby, the- fuck- bathroom, this way.”

Normally, Regulus would've challenged his assumption he’d follow him into the bathroom, but this time he only nodded quickly and let James lead him away. Barty was right, he was acting like some common fucking whore. At this rate, if they hadn’t moved into the bathroom, James pushing him against the wall as soon as they were in, they really would’ve been at risk of trouble for public indecency.

As James' mouth left his, moving to trail hot kisses down his body as Regulus writhed above him, all he managed to get out between quiet gasps and moans was “Whatever you do, just, keep- ah-, the shirt, on.”

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

OC interview

Thanks @mk-writes-stuff here!

Rules: answer the following questions in the POV of an OC!

How have I not done Robbie, Noelle, or Kelsey?? I'll do Robbie so he's next to Akash.

Are you named after anyone?

“Nope. [Pause] Wait, I actually don't know.... ... Hold on.” *pulls out his phone and immediately texts his mom "hey mutti did you know anyone named robert in alium and did you name me after him"*

When was the last time you cried?

“Inside Out 2. I think I'm justified.”

Do you have kids?

*bursts out laughing* “Dude, how old do ya think I AM?!”

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

“Wait, hold on, I have to think about this. [Pause] mmm... Nah, I think my humor is more random and silly. And a bit of sass.”

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

“Dude, do you think I'm paying that much attention?? I have no idea. Maybe like...three things about them. Like three traits. Hair, clothes, skin tone... Maybe glasses. Or another defining feature. I dunno, it just depends on the person. This is a weird question. Who thinks about these things?!”

What’s your eye colour?

“Brown but everyone says they're black. I think that's scientifically impossible, but Alii are odd creatures. Maybe my eyes are black! Who knows?!”

Scary movies or happy endings?

“... What? That doesn't make sense.” (he's thinking that these are not opposites and his brain short circuited)

Any special talents?

“Uh...well, I guess I'm, like, witty. I think I'm funny. I'm good in school if I can focus. Uh... I can act! Yeah that's cool. I'm awesome at the improv warmup games.”

Where were you born?

“Hold on.” *texts his mom "oh btw i also need to know where i was born like was it here or in alium"

Do you have any pets?

“I'm too irresponsible for a pet. Akash would have to take care of them.”

What sort of sports do you play?

“Hahahahaha, good one. Seriously, though, my depth perception and hand-eye coordination actually sucks. Please, for everyone's safety, don't put me in sports.”

How tall are you?

“Five-foot-six. Which is a perfectly acceptable yet kinda boring height to be. Been this tall since, like, fifth grade, though, so it is rather annoying. I was easily the tallest in the class, including my teacher, but then my body decided, 'y'know what? You're done!' and Akash is taller than me now; it sucks.”

What was your favourite subject in school?

“I like the robotics class a lot, but I gotta say theater. I have wayyy too much fun in that class! I'll never forget the time I had to wear a sweater vest for a duo performance I did where I played a reflection.”

What is your dream job?

“Ahhhh too many things to choose from! Robotics is super cool, but do I want to do that for the rest of my life?! I don't think so, as a career. What about theater?! Acting would be awesome. I'd like to have my own YouTube channel, too, and just make bank playing Fortnite. Man, this is hard.”

Other Interviews: Wade, Jazlyn, Gwen, Lexi, Carla, Carmen, Maddie, Liam, Ash, Rose, Akash

✨Robbie intro✨

Tagging @inkednotebook @museandquill @paeliae-occasionally @buffythevampirelover @cataclysmic-writer

+ ANYONE ELSE

Blanks below the cut

Are you named after anyone? When was the last time you cried? Do you have kids? Do you use sarcasm a lot? What’s the first thing you notice about people? What’s your eye colour? Scary movies or happy endings? Any special talents? Where were you born? Do you have any pets? What sort of sports do you play? How tall are you? What was your favourite subject in school? What is your dream job?

[good-wine-and-cheese]

hey carmen! i hope youre doing well! :D P, G, R, W for the ask game?

I'm doing dandy thanks and thank you for the ask! :)

P. Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

Oh fun! Since I'm in Pluto brainland right now and already have a bunch of AUs rattling around about it I'll share one of those. I have in mind this AU where, during the 39th Central Asian War, Gesicht is critically damaged and has to be sent back for repairs by his creator (the damage is too intricate and complex for most field techs to fix him). Hoffman, faced with the visceral consequences of Gesicht being sent to war, takes matters into his own hands and runs off with Gesicht. I just think about how it's probably something Hoffman never wanted to put his creation through but wasn't able to stand up to higher ups at the time. I think faced with the violence and terror of the war coupled with Gesicht returning to him badly damaged would be the catalyst for him to recognize the system for what it is and work to support robots in a more earnest way that maybe requires him to be in hiding.

G. Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?

So I don't think I define OTP the same way that most people do. "OTP" to me is just "the ship that is my favourite to think about" I guess, but I will still actively ship those characters individually with other characters, too. That said, my first OTP was McSpirk. 12 year old me took angsty pictures of Spock, Kirk and McCoy (and variations of them together) and made Windows Movie Maker slideshows with them to angsty billy talent and three days grace songs

R. Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

Favourite platonic relationships in fandom! That's hard, because tbf I like a lot of them. It's generally my favourite type of relationship between characters. Generally speaking though, any adult-child dynamics that are particularly wholesome (especially when one or both are severely broken people) will destroy me.

On a recent rewatch of Eureka Seven, I found I really appreciated the crew of the Gekko a lot. They're just a bunch of weirdo roommates and the vibe of that whole dynamic was really good to me. As far as platonic relationships in series go they feel very close to how actual people interact with each other so I guess I'll say whatever the crew of the Gekko has going on.

W. A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

Normally I'm pretty forgiving with tropes honestly! If it's an annoying trope that happens a lot of times I'll probably skip out, but it's hard for me to say any "specific" trope will make me "hate" it when generally I will give them a 3-strike grace or a "that was funny actually" level of acceptability. I guess I do have one that consistently pisses me off though.

"Shitty sex scenes used in place of character growth" is my biggest fiction pet peeve. It's not sex scenes as a general rule, but in so many shows I've seen the writers will give me absolutely no reason to believe character A and B would fuck (in fact, they usually seem to hate each other and Not in a oh they wanna fuck kinda way), then suddenly they fuck (and it's framed to be as bland as possible) and then after that they're super close meanwhile I have had absolutely nothing shown between them that would lead any of this to feel like it would feasibly have happened. It's bad writing and completely takes me out of the narrative and makes me think about how I would have written character development to get from point A to point B.

Ask game

[veryflirtytransportalate]

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"Wow. This is going to be a great story! Just wait till you see this in print. You won't regret this, Blue." - Piper

Oh, Piper. Always there. Always chilling. Always ready for whatever. I cannot stand how she is about me stealing stuff, but other than that we get along great. She runs a newspaper with her little sister, although she's been following me because she wants to publish my story. In exchange, she takes some pics for me to post here. We all win.

She and Dogmeat get along really well. I'm actually kind of confused about Dogmeat on the whole. He's... I met him on the road one day out of the blue, and ever since, he's been following me. I'm not saying we met, got to know each other, I literally looked at him and went, "Hey," and he just made himself my dog. I don't feed him. I pet him, stab him with Stim when he needs it, but I don't know where he gets water from. I've never seen him poop. He can take a .303 round like a champ, too. He is also a vicious murderer who attacks anyone I get into a scrap with. That's true friend material right there and also, maybe, a, robot, I'm suddenly realizing. That's cool, actually, robo-dog. Why do Stimpa-eh they work on Nick too, funk it, like anything else makes any sense here.

Honestly, I get why people are falling over themselves to be with me (see: my legs, my torso, my face), but I'm sometimes weirded out by how into me they can get? And it does not take a long time. Preston made me dad of his local cub scouts after knowing me for fifteen minutes. All I'd done up to that point was get high, kill like two dozen dudes in a suit of armor (I think one of them turned into a dragonman but I was pretty up there), and insult his old lady friend right to her face. Hell, Strong Mad can't stand me, and he still spends all day riding my Red Rocket. ...okay hold on, I just meant he hangs out where I told him to, okay, me and Strong Mad aren't... we... well... let me go to the Red Rocket, and take a good hard look at him, and get back to you. There... may be potential there.

(Outfit credits, my thoughts, and a few more shots below the cut.)

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Cait is here too! I use Koozebane's Loving Cait mod (opens in new tab) to change her general vibe some. Piper's hat is Niero's CROSS_MojaveManhunter mod (opens in new tab).

Fallout 4 companions, dude. I've only ever gotten as far as Virgil's cave so I haven't met most of them, but like... bro, they are in rough shape.

Cait's storyline I think lays it out the best, which is to say, is one of the worst: it combines a desire to tell a deeply empathetic story of sorrow and trauma and regret and redemption, but that desire is so mishandled and poorly considered that it feels more like an insult to people who have lived experiences similar to her's - if you've ever been told 'you're so brave' by someone and suddenly felt a not terribly intense form of insulted, that's the exact emotional response I think this combination elicits. Her description of the physiological and mental effects of her intoxicated lifestyle feels like only a rough impression of what long-term functional intoxication feels like in the body, she doesn't follow the rules of addiction the player does, her story has to actively ignore the magical addiction cures around every corner*, but then plops a science-magic chair McGuffin into play with the same 'it's an instant cure' handwaving that the rest of the game already does as a deus ex machina to a story that could have been about the redemptive power of self-forgiveness, and there's not even time to mention that the story of the Vault you find the chair in implies that a group of addicts would turn kill mode over a single stash of drugs so fast that they'd storm in and murder an entire therapy group in their chairs, implying a discovery to murder timeline of less than an hour, and the fact that someone signed off on the only Irish character in all of Fallout just to have her be defined by violence and addiction and red hair and an accent feels funking nasty. Irish people in post apocalyptic Boston? Super fun. Thematic. Represents the reality of Boston and would have been an excellent addition! But Cait... the elements of her story could have been something really powerful to explore in a second person narrative, but instead, the writing placed on top of her damages the cohesiveness of the world in every place it touches.

We're all on the same page here**, and literally all of the characters are like this, although most other companions don't have narratives nearly so long or with nearly such personal themes (thank goodness). Nick is a hardboiled detective who smokes cigarettes. He does not have lungs. He also has memories of his previous life? I never do his quest. Piper is a scrappy reporter lady. She is upbeat and supportive and cares about her sister. The end. Codsworth is a robot who is a butler. Mr. Handycock is a ghoul dressed like a red coat, and, in his free time, something like a character. McGravy is a merc and a lazy Fallout 3 callback. Strong Mad is just Fawkes again but worse, which is ridiculous when we could have had Fawkes be the lazy call back, or another lazy call back, I guess. Danse is the words "semper fi" injection molded into a human shape (with a hot face). Preston is... actually a fun combo of dorky dude in a bad situation with good intentions, Preston gets... ugh, as much of a pass as I'll give anyone, even though he holds the terrible distinction of radiant quest giver. You never wanna be the radiant quest giver, okay, even Mike Rowe wouldn't do that dirty job. Lucky for him I kind of like the radiant quests, but that's only because the un-radiant quests usually have writing in them, and I have a hard limit on the amount of Fallout 4 writing I can stomach (I can't remember if I've ever through mods or whatever gotten to the Institute but I remember the cutscene with Father where you meet him and I Just... oh wow... if... if I was in a class, and someone presented that scene as a project, I'd be so embarrassed for them).

I downloaded a few mod companions (the super mutant lady, an Enclave general, and someone else, I forget), but they don't quite fit in with the general mood I'm trying to tweak Fallout 4 into: this Cowboy Bebop-esque colorful and bombastic adventure world with weird tech and sexy badasses.

I'm going to keep trying to Collect 'Um All! but... I don't have high hopes.

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*Addictol, which I carry on me at all times, doctors, who are in every town we stop at, a special tea from the chemistry station, or a funking omelet can cure addiction and if you don't believe me well than (opens in new tab) - your move, funko.

**Oh my gosh I just Googled "why is cait irish fallout 4" and the top answer suggested by Google was "The reason Cait has a (terrible, stereotypical) 'Irish' accent is because Bethesda didn't stop to think about how little sense it would make." YES, JUST RIP THEM APART. Oh, internet, you weird commercialized corpse of a thing - thank you so much, that made my day.

[theeclecticwitchblog240]

Hey Witches & Wizards,

How’s everyone’s Monday going??

I’ve had several people reach out asking about spells and being afraid to mess them up…well it got me thinking…and prompted this post…

When you find premade spells online, as helpful as they can be, I like to look at them as guides not rule for rule. And what I mean by that is ingredients can be substituted for others, and words can be changed as well. Look at a premade spell as a recipe for something. Perhaps there’s too much of one ingredient or you have an allergy to others…you’d sub them out right? A spell is no different my friends!

No spell is exact well not any premade ones I’ve found. The exact ones come from when you create your own spell with your own intentions put into them. However I completely understand that can be intimidating when first getting started. So if that’s you, I feel your pain. And find no harm in using the general online premade spells. However if your getting further along in your practice and want to write up your own….continue reading…

Let me let you in on a few tips….I plan my spells around the moons phase. I mean in my opinion if the moon has enough sway with Mother Earth to effect tides, moods, monthly cycles, etc it’s gotta do the same for spells energy and intentions, as each phase has different energy intentions right? So why not put the moons energy into good use right?? On the other hand tho there is a downside to being tied to moons energy phases….spell timing! Especially when you get those urges to wreck havoc 😉😝 🤣 and do those unsavory little spells…you know which ones I’m talking about 🤣🤣 Bottom line though I mean the moon is important in my opinion and my path, that’s not true for everyone else and I get that completely🤗 just offering some friendly advice.

Timing is another important factor to consider as well. Is your spell seasonal? Is it important to do at a certain time when the moon/sun is in a certain astronomical orbit? I know, now I’m getting technical about this but in my opinion timing does matter as well. Why? Well the saying goes…when the time is just right, the magick will flow perfectly. Having timing connects us to the higher powers that be. Before written language was even thought of ppl used to calculate the time first above all. For crop planting purposes as well as worshipping and other purposes I won’t get off topic, but time has always been a constant defining factor in all aspects of life! So rightly so it’s important in my opinion in witchcraft as well. Days have certain dedicated deities as well as planets too. So I mean, it’s perfectly reasonable to expect new witches to be overwhelmed or intimidated by spell writing. My advice is to keep it simple and not overthink things.

Plan intentions, general time frame expectations for your spell including prep time, and decide if you’re able to perform outside to be closer with Mother Nature and the Elements or if it’s to be performed indoors. If it’s indoors make sure you plan for worst case scenario not that will ever happen, but it’s good to be prepared just in case you know. Gather up all tools, candles, herbs, etc ahead of time so your not scrambling around last minute.

When preparing for your spell I recommend you make sure all distractions are out of the way, all electronics set to silent, and pets put out the way so as not to mess up your circle if using one or distract you by getting in your way or perhaps even being a fire hazard, I know but it’s been known to happen so I’m just saying is all. Unless your pet is chill and will not distract you my opinion is no harm no foul ya know…to each their own.

So I’ll wrap this up by saying this….a spell is as simple or as difficult as you make it. Don’t overthink things and don’t second guess yourself ok! I’m the beginning that’s gonna happen and it’s to be expected but imo that’s how we build our confidence. Trial and error. Don’t be afraid to ride the broom, because what might or might not happen. Ride that darn broom and enjoy the ride but most importantly never give up and don’t be afraid to get “hurt” pain is temporary but the experience is a lifetime memory.

Thank you for reading,

Blessed Be!

[lilnasxvevo]

How I imagine this conversation went every single time in the past ~16 years:

Someone learning about the rabbits: I thought pets weren’t allowed in the Cloud Recesses?

Lan Wangji: They are not pets.

Same someone: Then what are they????

Lan Wangji: *glares*

Same someone: Ah. They’re not pets, what else do I need to know? Aha please don’t hurt me

[fandomfluffandfuck]

A kink is literally something that someone derives sexual pleasure from or intrinsically includes sex. I really enjoy your content but please. Stop telling people that kinks are not sexual. They absolutely are. That's what kink is, that's what kink has always been.

assumed to be related to this post I made

Hey, stranger!

Discourse under the cut. I am not starting a fight here. I'm just interested in this and explaining some and, well, I know some people won't care about this/won't want to read it lol. So it's under read more.

First, I totally, totally understand where you're coming from and I do agree in some regard.

Kinks definitely are sexual/sensual in nature. I'm not saying they're just, like, as innocent or removed from sex as reading a book would be. I just think ones opinion on if they're inherently sexual depends on the definition of sex in place as well as what the participants in the kink are getting out of it. You're totally allowed to think all kinks are sexual if that's your experience/the way you define and/or experience sex.

Jumping off of the idea of what someone is getting out of it influencing how sexual/sensual it might be though- depending on the kink, I agree, they can be inherently sexual. Inarguably so. To illustrate: shibari, to me, when practiced for relaxation/healing/artistic vision/fashion is not sexual BUT if it's practiced with the intent to derive sexual pleasure from the activity itself or have an orgasm then it becomes sexual. To me. It's still sensual with relaxation as an end goal but I, personally, wouldn't call that sexual. You can in your own experience if you want though! It doesn't matter to me, it's not crossing into my personal practice of kink. Or another example is if the kink is, like, double penetration, that HAS to be sexual to be put into experience from fantasy. There's no way around it.

So, for me and some people but not everyone, kinks aren't sexual just sensual. I do agree that the large majority of the BDSM community would agree with kink being inherently sexual however.

And another debate this opens for me (although I'm not opening the floor for this right now, it's a very complex topic) is whether or not kink belongs at pride. For me, the answer is (including the agreement that kinksters are obeying decency laws and behaving generally appropriately, not like they would at a private party or dungeon) yes. Kinksters were so heavily involved in winning us [LGBTQ+ indivuals] freedom and pride, both spiritually and physically with parades and such, that it feels like a backstabbing to exclude LGBTQ+ kinksters from pride.

Now something I didn't touch on that I think also makes a difference here is that largely, in regards to my anons (which you're allowed to question me but not them (not that you directly did) it's my blog, I filter the content here, and so I won't let people be confrontational with them, they are just wonderfully participating and here to enjoy themselves), we've been speaking about power dynamics under the umbrella of kink and BDSM. Dom/sub relationships specifically. To me, they are not inherently sexual but sensual because they can be used for other things than sex. It's just a type relationship.

I believe that you can have an intimate power dynamic relationship that is romantic but for whatever reason - asexuality, sexual trauma recovery, other traumas, whatever it be - isn't fully sexual. For example, you might not be participating in physical kinks like shibari, human furniture, oral sex, penetration (using sex toys or anatomy), etc. but instead be in a dom/sub relationship based on orders and rules that keep the sub (for example) hydrating themselves, doing chores around the house, kneeling at the dom's feet while their hair gets pet and they both veg out, with/without other rules/orders. Although, I do see why for some people that's not a "true" BDSM or kinky relationship/dynamic.

And, yes, I certainly know that I have a bias to all this, being queer and on the ace/aro spectrums in combination with being kinky gernally plus being in the BDSM community. I understand that it's hard for lots of allosexual folks to understand. Because its not their familiar emotions. Which is perfectly fine.

Whereas it might not be the same [non-sexual and heavy sensual kink and explicitly sexual kink practices] I think they are so closely adjacent that there's no real good word for the difference. It's a subcategory of sorts I think.

And to pivot a tiny bit, also, with the BDSM community, that relationship involving sensual kinks or sensual dynamics belongs in the community because it's not a "normal" relationship. The kink/BDSM community exists because we are outsiders who like different things than what are to be seen as safely/acceptably sexual. I think that those relationships [sensual and kinky, not sexual] belong more in the BDSM community than the vanilla world, y’know?

Thank you for the opinion though. So long as you're not going into people's relationships and gatekeeping or telling them, no, you're not in a kinky relationship because that's not what kinky relationships are! or saying that what those kind of players are doing is not kink, I respect your opinion. What everyone does in their relationships and dynamics and such is highly personal to them, I don't think, so long as no harm is coming of it, anyone has any room to judge.

[sideblogformindtrash]

Chad is trying his best.

Cw: dehumanization, food issues, pet whump, drugs (mentioned, consensual), mentioned past noncon, alcoholism, mentioned forced alcoholism

He isn't sure how to feel when they tell him Orfeu is coming to visit tomorrow. Its not like he cares about that man who kidnapped him from his proper, true owner. But it's nice to know he didn't lie when he said he wasn't abandoning Sweet Pea with the jocks. He decided to hide in the bed, squeezing the sucklet nervously after getting the news. 

Chad of course can't just leave him the fuck alone-

"Hey, little guy" Chad says, sitting near him on the bunk bed. Sweet Pea curls away. He isn't so little. He is taller than Chad. But while the jock is pure muscle mass, Sweet Pea has defined musculature, but a delicate, small frame. He says nothing. 

"Still scared? I know the guys can be a lot sometimes…" he offers him a bright smile "But why don't you come crack a beer with us?"

"I can't drink it unless Master gives it to me" he says, curling up. Of course Master seemed to enjoy getting him drunk. He shivered remembering the party, his guests taking bottles up to where none should ever be…

The hangover was almost as unbearable as the party. 

"You really focused on diet. Our team nutritionist would be proud" he giggles "But hey, nothing wrong with taking a break once in a while" 

"That's how it starts" he says, hugging his knees tight, plush in between them and his body "Bad thoughts start small then they grow and consume you"

"Nah. Only if you indulge in them often, but once in a while is good. Did you know we all take breaks from our training too? They say it's important, it actually makes you perform better on time" he starts going over the team routine, oblivious to the fact Sweet Pea doesn't care. 

"But you aren't a pet. Humans take breaks, pets dont-" he finally snaps. Chad's smile doesn't even flinch. 

"There are no pets on our country, so I wouldn't know…  but for what I can see you are all just people with collars on and a weird college degree- it's kinda like a doctor title. You do medicine, you acquire the title Doc, you do pet training, you get the title Pet-. Oh in that sense it's an honorific-. If I wrote a letter to you should I write it like Pet.Sweet Pea?? Wouldn't it be weird if it was something like Pet.Peterson-"

Sweet Pea just stares in awe as the man rambles, as if absolutely oblivious. It's… it's kind of true, and it annoys him. A weird college degree, for fucks sake-. He wants to correct Chad, but what's the point when he is already taking the ramble to another level-

"I get it, I get it" he says, just so he will stop. 

"Well… you have any rules about smoking weed?"

He blinks a little. 

"Smoke damages the lungs, it can't smoke cigars" he answers promptly. 

"Yeah but did they say anything about a joint?" He asks blinking innocently. 

"No…" he answers cautiously, as Chad gives him what is supposed to be a friendly bump to the shoulder. 

"Well then let's do one. You really seem like you can use getting high, at least you won't be stuck in the room all day-" he smiles, pulling Sweet Pea up. He follows the other man hesitantly. It's technically not a rule… right? 

@kim-poce @kittysselfships

[peachyteabuck]

remember what you love like

summary: is a lunch date still a lunch date after you leave the restaurant?

a commission for @buckysbunny

pairing: natasha romanoff x reader

words: 2,014

trigger warnings: allusions to compulsory heterosexuality, fingering, fluff, mentions of sexting

ask box / masterlist / commission info / ko-fi

Natasha’s hands are tangled in your forest green cardigan, one hand on the small of your back while the other is pressed into the back of your neck.

“You’re so beautiful,” she murmurs when you pull away to gasp for breath, head spinning as a trail of spit connects your mouths in a sight you wish you could see in one of those giant oil paintings that draw large crowds to art museums. “My beautiful little Bunny.”

You preen under her praise, your own hands shaky as they find purchase in her hair, the beltloop of her jeans, anything you can grab as she pushes you into your apartment, pressing you against each and every surface she deems fit. Somewhere between your front door and the wall directly opposite said entrance you lose your cardigan and your shoes, clothes falling to the floor as you’re pushes down the hallway and, finally, onto your bed. You’d made it that morning hoping your lunch date wouldn’t end after you’d left the restaurant just as you had cleaned the rest of your apartment. In truth you’re not sure whether the frantic scrubbing and organization of your kitchen was to impress her or distract yourself for how nervous you were, considering you and Natasha have been dating for about three months now and hadn’t done more than cuddle and today, today of all days felt like the right to rectify that. The two of you had spent all night sexting after you’d sent her a picture of you in your new bra – a pale pink one that made your tits look exquisite. Things had only escalated, you shoving your hands down your pajama shorts to get yourself off at her direction.

So yeah, given all of that, you were decently confident that you would end up with her tongue down your throat and her hands groping at your tits – a thought that left you some weird mixture of overjoyed and frightened.

As your back hits your girly, patterned comforter your heart beats against your ribcage, each chamber trying to rip itself from the rest of the muscle just so that it can travel to each of your limbs and make them shake. Something – someone – is screaming in your ears, the high-pitched sound nearly loud enough to drown out the woman who’s crawled on top of you.  

Nearly.

“Hey,” Natasha coos, peppering small kisses along your face and jaw and neck as her center presses into yours. “Hey, Bunny-“

You finally meet her eyes when that pet name – her pet name for you - falls from her lips. Only then does she notice how terrified you look.

“You good, Bunny?” she asks, her own heart now picking up not because her fingertips are on fire and your skin feels just as hot. “Is everything okay?”

“I, uh-“ you struggle to find the words, wishing you kept your blanket-like cardigan on so you could hide in it. “I haven’t done this with uh,” you trying to swallow despite your dry mouth. “With women.”

Natasha exhales deeply, face visibly softening. It doesn’t feel like pity, though, which suppresses a tiny bit of your nervousness; the last thing you want is for the woman responsible for the menagerie in your stomach each time she texts you or says your name or worms her way into every passing thought to think of you as some sort of charity case.

“Oh, babes,” she places each hand flat on either side of your jaw, both thumbs rubbing soothingly into your heated cheeks. “You know I’m okay with that – right? I don’t want you any less just because you haven’t done with women before.”

You sniffle, trying to keep the tears that prick the corners of your eyes in their spot. “A-are you sure?”

Natasha nods, leaving a small kiss on the center of your forehead. “Of course I am, Bunny. I don’t care how many women you’ve had sex with.”

“E-even though I’ve had sex with guys?” your eyes are big and scared, petrified of rejection.

Natasha just smiles, pulling you closer to her. “Yes, Bunny. Your sexual history certainly doesn’t define you as a person and doesn’t change how I feel about you. Okay?”

You smile back, leaning into her arms as you sniffle once more. “O-okay.”

“Now,” she smiles as she pulls back, readjusting herself onto her side as you stay on your back.  “Where were we?”

And just like that – with fear quelled and uncomfortable twisting in your stomach now loose and simmering below your skin – she returns to her original mission, one that involves ghosting her fingers over your clothed chest before thumbing at the hem of your denim skirt. “You’re so cute, Bunny,” she murmurs. “Such an adorable little Bunny all for me…”

Natasha then pushes your skirt up to your stomach, keeping it in place with her forearm as she begins rubbing the two middle fingers of her right hand along your clothed slit. Your chest heaves as she grins down at your scrunched eyes, furrowed brow, and kiss-swollen lips.

“So beautiful,” she murmurs into your neck, teeth barely pressing into the bruises that deepen with each passing moment. “So good for me, Bunny…”

Lewd moans fall from your mouth as circles your clit, the adorable pink cotton panties you had specifically chosen that morning hoping and praying this would happen now completely soaked through. They’re rough against your sensitive, desperate clit – pussy pulsing around nothing as you buck your hips frantically.

“P-please,” you moan, voice nearly unrecognizable now. “P-please N-Nat!”

She presses a firm kiss to your lips, smiling as she moves her hands to rub at your pussy under your panties. The feeling of her hand there without anything between her skin and your is intoxicating – her fingers easily finding your clit once more. “Call me Mommy,” she murmurs, free hand pushing the sweaty hairs from your forehead. “Call me Mommy, sweet Bunny.”

“Mommy, oh fuck-“ you gasp, the feeling of her hands and the mention of that title you’d been discussing the night before shooting another bolt of lightning through your nervous system, hands bunch the sheets in your palms – your fingers nearly numb as all of your blood rushes to your core. “Oh fucking shit!”

For the first time in what feels like hours you find the courage to open your eyes – another moan deep in your chest filling the hot, thick air. You always wondered why people described being fucked as being consumed, as being the main course in a large meal presented to some rich, old-timey monarch after they return from visiting the more desolate parts of the territory they rule over.

Now, though, under Natasha’s heated gaze with three of her fingers stuffed inside of you while the other hand presses into your stomach – you feel like some prized pig slathered in glaze and placed onto an obnoxious silver platter with a whole apple placed into your waiting mouth as fruits and vegetables circle your flesh. If you had ever felt desired, it certainly didn’t match up to the fire in Natasha’s eyes as she devours each time you twitch, moan, beg for more.

“You sure you want more?” she purrs, fingers stroking that spot inside of you that makes your legs shake and eyes tear up once more. “Does my greedy little Bunny want her Mommy to give her more?”

You nod furiously, mouth barely able to keep up with your racing thoughts. “Yes, fuck Mommy please please please I want-“ you moan as she fucks into you harder, reveling in watching you fall apart. “Please I’ll take anything you want to give me Mommy please!”

Without further delay Natasha moves between your legs, maneuvering you so that one of her hands fucked in and out of you while the other circles your clit in hot, tight circles. Your eyes don’t know where to focus – on the sight on Natasha’s hands working you into some kind of putty or the woman herself, whose smug grin and furrowed brow are almost intimidating in their determination.

“M-mommy,” you gasp out, legs trying to shut themselves involuntarily, stopped only by the woman between your legs. Your toes curl, spine bending forward as the white-hot pleasure in your stomach curls itself tighter and tighter around itself. “Mommy, Mommy, I’m gonna, I’m gonna-!”

You come with a guttural moan you almost don’t recognize as yours – a sound so animalistic you wonder if Natasha had rewired your brain into some pre-human thing incapable of speech. It’s hot, so hot, and in your post-orgasmic bliss you wonder if life could get any better.

“How you feeling, Bunny?” Natasha asks, trying to find some signs of life behind your glazed-over eyes.

“So fucking good! I feel so good, Mommy!” you gasp out, mouth dry and lunges seemingly devoid of oxygen.

The woman above you just laughs, though, throws her beautiful head back and laughs and oh God – oh God you need to find it in you to tell her to stop doing that because you’ve only been dating for a few months and her beauty radiates with the power of the sun and you weren’t born with UV-protection in your retinas and if her light doesn’t burn you to a crisp first you think you’re going to fucking explode.

“I’m glad,” she tells you, running her now-wrinkled fingertips over the inside of your trembling thighs. Silence settles of you both as you feel your bones…vibrate? Or maybe that’s chest your heart again – the stupid thing incapable of handling this much joy and pleasure at the same time. It takes a long while for Natasha to speak again, not wanting to spook you in your fragile state. “Hey Bunny?” she asks, watching to make sure you’d heard her. “I’m gonna get you some water, okay?”

You give her a small “okay,” body still as she climbs off your bed.

You’re boneless – inert as you lay there with your arms flat at your sides and your legs in the same bent position Natasha had left them in before she had oh-so meanly abandoned you. Just as before, your chest rises and falls as if a forty-pound weight was pressing into it – each inhale painful and a struggle with the exhales happening all too quickly. It’s unfamiliar, being so satiated. Being with men had left you feeling fine, maybe a little out of breath, but with Natasha? God, you wouldn’t be able to move if the fire alarms went off; you’d just lay here, vision fuzzy around the edges as the smell of smoke came through the air vents. (Then again, given the state of Natasha’s arms, you think she’d be able to carry you out of your apartment building just fine.)

She returns – just as she said she would – with a mug of cold water that she holds as if it was priceless and not something you thrifted for less than a dollar when you had moved from your last apartment.  

“Thanks,” you croak as she hands it to you, watching as you sit up and wince ever so slightly as your sensitive pussy presses into the sheets. You’ll need to change them – and soon – but somehow that feels like an impossible task as you gulp down what, in your state, tastes closer to ambrosia than the shit in your Brita. When you’re finished Natasha takes the now empty mug from you, placing it on your nightstand before hugging you to her chest and pushing you back until you hit the sheets once more, lying down next to you and throwing her arm around your waist.

“You good, Bunny?” she asks again, a part of her always worried about you no matter how much euphoria pooled in your veins.

You nod as you curl into her side, leaving a kiss on her collarbone as you listen to her heartrate slow as it returns its resting pace. It’s calming, that combined with the feeling of her fingers twirling in your mused hair lulling you into the deepest sleep you’ve had in weeks.  

[owlheartt]

Hey guys guess who finally finished chapter 4 of Star Sanses Extended? Anyways this chapter is called Lunch & a Game

Ch 1 on AO3 this chapter on AO3

Perhaps Papyrus should’ve picked a game he was more familiar with. As it turns out, Munchkin was… a competitive game. To put it lightly.

“I place a curse on Ink.” Error announced, grinning. Dream brought his hand up to his face and massaged the bridge of his nose.

“Error, first of all, you want to save your curses until the end of the game-” Dream began.

“I’ve changed my mind. I curse Dream.” Error said, his grin switching to a scowl.

“ERROR, PERHAPS YOU COULD SAVE THE CURSE CARD FOR WHEN YOU’RE MAD AT SOMEONE, OR WHEN YOU CAN WIN.” Papyrus suggested.

“Yea, and I’m mad at Dream.” Error said, giving Papyrus a “duh” look. Error was exhausting.

“Alright. What’s the curse.” Dream said, sighing. Error held up a card, facing Dream. Papyrus leaned over a bit so he could read it too. ‘Curse! Lose the Footgear You Are Wearing’. Papyrus threw a glance at the cards on the table in front of Dream. None of them were even Armor, much less Footgear. Dream glanced down too, his golden eyelights flitting to his cards then back to Error. “You do realize that I-”

“I don’t fucking care! You’re cursed!” Error snapped. Dream took a deep breath (his 10th in the 4 minutes they’d been setting up) and took the curse. Then he dropped it in the discard pile, maintaining eye-contact with Error.

“Fantastic.” Dream said in a honey-coated voice. “That there was the effects of the curse. Ink! Your turn!” Error was visibly stumped (Papyrus could’ve sworn there was a little loading button in front of his face), then Ink distracted them.

“I KICK DOWN THE DOOR!!!” Ink yelled, slamming his hands on the ground in front of him. One eyelight was an orange target and the other was a blindingly gold star. At least Ink was enjoying this game. Dream reached out and flipped a card at the top of the deck, revealing a monster card.

‘Level 16 - Hippogriff’ the top read. Ink’s bravado snapped away.

“Hey Dream..?” Ink said.

“...Yes?”

“What level am I?”

“1.”

“Oh.” Ink scrunched up his face with one eye light turning a sky blue question mark. “Does that mean I lose?”

“If you stick around to fight it, then yes, you’ll lose.” Dream explained as patiently as he could. “But there’s an option to run away. Look, right below its name, it says ‘Will not pursue anyone of Level 3 or below,’ Paper, could you check to see the rules for fleeing?”

“OF COURSE FRIEND!” Papyrus snached up the rules and opened up the paper. Let’s see… Fighting Multiple Monsters, Asking For Help, there! Running Away. “IF NOBODY WILL HELP YOU…”

“Just read how to run away, please.” Dream said.

“ROLL THE DIE. YOU ONLY ESCAPE ON A 5 OR BETTER.” Papyrus looked up at Ink. He was juggling the dice.

“Squid!” Error snapped, causing Ink to drop one of the dice in his eye socket.

“Yes?” Ink said politely.

“Roll the fucking die.”

“Ok!” Ink grinned, setting the rest of the dice down. Then he shook his skull to the point that Papyrus was worried it would come right off. After a few moments though, the die that had been dropped inside flew out of Ink’s eye socket, righteously hitting Error in the skull.

“Fucking Void, Squid!” Error said, bringing a hand up to rub the madly glitching area.

“It’s a 3, what does that mean?” Ink asked, holding up the die.

“THIS IS WHEN ‘BAD STUFF’ HAPPENS!” Papyrus said.

“Well duh,” Error said.

“NO, I MEAN THE ‘BAD STUFF’ ON THE CARD!” Papyrus explained. He put down the rules then held up the card. “YOU ARE STOMPED AND CHOMPED. DA DA DA DA, STARTING WITH THE PLAYER ON YOUR RIGHT, EACH PLAYER MAY TAKE ONE TREASURE CARD FROM IN FRONT OF YOU OR (WITHOUT LOOKING) FROM YOUR HAND.”

“Well I don’t have any Treasure cards in front of me.” Ink said.

“Wait, it says that it won’t pursue anyone of Level 3 or below- maybe that was an automatic escape for Ink,” Dream said, pointing to the part of the card he had read aloud before.

“What does it matter? Make a decision and let’s move on. I don’t want to listen to you mistakes blathering on about the rules forever.” Error said, glaring at the rule sheet discarded on the floor. Papyrus clapped, the sound muffled by his gloves.

“HOW ABOUT THIS: HOUSE RULE! IT DOES MEAN HE ESCAPED.” Papyrus smiled, proud of himself. Dream nodded distantly.

“Alright. Ink, you fled, discard the Hippogriff.” Dream said. Ink picked up the card, fumbling it a little, and moved it to the discard pile. Dream watched him, then spoke. “My turn.” He flipped over the top card, revealing a Level 2 Pit Bull.

“Whacha gonna do goldy? You’ve only got one level.” Error said, taunting. Dream sighed and pointed to a card in front of him. ‘+3 Bonus - Huge Rock’ it read.

“I have 4 Combat Strength total- I win the battle and get 1 Treasure.” Dream dropped the defeated monster in the discard pile before pulling a Treasure card. “Paper, your turn.”

The game went on like that, Error attacking the others as often as he could, Ink always having to be walked through his turn, Dream calmly directing the game (if not with a bit of spite for Error), and Papyrus simply enjoying himself. Really. Despite the seeming chaos, the cards were amusing and the interactions felt… special. He had only ever played games like this with his brother. And Sans was special and important - no doubt about it! But… now Papyrus was playing with his friends. Friends. Sure, Error was barely being civil, but he was still participating. Maybe… maybe the multiverse was Papyrus’s calling. Maybe it was where he belonged and where he would finally make friends.

After 15 minutes (give or take) Sans announced that lunch was ready. They agreed to return to the game later, then went to the kitchen where Sans was slouching next to a pot of mac and cheese. It was the cheap stuff, the kind that all you really had to do was heat up. Either way, it was good enough, and it didn’t look burnt. Papyrus snached up one of the bowls his brother had stacked and a plastic fork from the counter before remembering he was a host. Papyrus grabbed the rest of the bowls and started passing them out along with forks. Forks that looked suspiciously like Grillby’s take-out forks that Sans said he’d thrown away.

After everyone had a bowl, Sans asked Papyrus to serve while he went to get some chairs. The brothers typically ate on the couch, but they wouldn’t all fit on it, especially with the distance Error liked to keep from everyone else. Papyrus scooped mac and cheese into each bowl, though Error scowled hard enough that Papyrus just gave him a little.

“Feel free to get more when you’re done!” Papyrus said, smiling. Ink was already shoveling his lunch into his face, which made Papyrus laugh a little internally. Error took a shortcut (it mostly looked like Sans’s, but Error’s was glitchier) out of the kitchen, and Papyrus could see his scarf hanging over the couch moments later. Dream nudged Ink, gently guiding him to the table with the skeleton brothers’ pet rock as a centerpiece. Sans reappeared, dragging a few chairs that looked a bit too much for him.

Papyrus quickly dropped his mac and cheese on the table before rushing over to help his brother. The brothers set up the chairs (Dream thanking them and the two chaos bringers focusing on their lunch) before settling themselves down. Sans let out a long breath, drawing everyone’s attention to him.

“so. may i have an explanation now?” His white eyelights scanned the room, taking in his guests.

“Ah, right, I’m so sorry,” Dream said in a rush. “I’m… ah… how about we start with introductions! Hello, my name is Dream. I’m the guardian of all positive feelings in the multiverse. This is-”

“sorry buddy, did ya say ‘multiverse?’” Sans cut in.

“Did I forget to mention that bit?” Dream shot a look at Ink, seemingly reflexively. “How familiar are you with the concept of a multiverse?”

“vaguely,” Sans said, waving his hand. “a buddy of mine an’ i talk about it every now an’ then. she’s more invested than i am.”

“Yada yada there’s a multiverse yada yada this is the true timeline something something the three of us are abominations.” Error said languidly. Dream’s face went blank and he blinked in surprise (or confusion, Papyrus couldn’t tell). Sans just raised his eyebrows. Papyrus couldn’t help but feel like he’d been thrown for a loop. Abominations? True timeline? Were there… false timelines? What defined false? Papyrus just thought his home was the original, not the “only right one.”

“I- no,” Dream said, holding up a stiff hand. He took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. “This timeline, Undertale-”

“sorry ta cut ya off buddy, but i’m just gonna grab a notebook real quick.” Sans stood up and walked over to the wall behind the TV. When he reached it, he blipped right through, before appearing again in his chair with a blue-covered notebook and a black mechanical pencil in his hands. “‘pologies, feel free to continue.”

“Right. This timeline, called Undertale- do you need me to spell that for you?”

“nope.”

“Undertale is the original. Its creator is a creature called Toby Fox, I’d recommend asking Ink if you want more details about that.”

“OOH OOH OOH!!!! Are we talking about creators?!?!?” Ink leaped up, fumbling his bowl, the mac and cheese miraculously staying inside (not that there was much left).

“Not right now, Ink,” Dream said calmly. The disappointed skeleton dropped back to his seat, the poor chair rocking a little. “All other timelines are a variation of this one, more or less. Some, specifically Error, consider it the ‘one true timeline.’”

“I’d be happy to elaborate if you numbskulls want,” Error growled. It sounded reminiscent of a cat with the added glitches.

“thanks for the offer, kiddo, but I’d like to know a bit more of what this guy has to say first. dream, ya said your name was?”

“Yes. My name is Dream. As I said, I am the guardian of positivity. This is Ink, he’s the guardian of the multiverse itself, and he helps creators. Over there is Error, he’s… this is going to sound pretty bad, the destroyer of timelines.” Dream winced. Sans glanced over to the glitching skeleton. Papyrus looked over at Error too. He was just sitting there, and he didn’t look nearly as dangerous as he had before. He was just a guy, not a deadly… er, what could he be called? Papyrus had instinctively reached for the word “psychotic,” but that would be using the term wrong. Error just had anger issues. Well, maybe he had more, but Papyrus wasn’t about to pry.

“that would explain a lot, huh,” Sans said, widening his lazy grin. “so, oh dear destroyer of timelines, why is mine still here?”

“It’s the true timeline, haven’t you been listening?!” Error shot Sans a glare, and Papyrus couldn’t help but tense. “I don’t destroy just whatever! I destroy abominations. Alterations of this bullshit.” Error raised one arm and gestured around the room, presumably indicating the whole timeline. “Though if you keep this up asshole then I might just destroy you too.” Sans raised his eyebrows, clearly contemplating how much he was willing to push that. If Papyrus knew Sans at all (and he did), then Sans was probably also planning to push a few buttons in the best way he could think of.

“good ta know,” Sans said, nodding absently. “anythin else i ought to know?”

“There are other multiversal beings, Error isn’t the only destructive one, there is a void and two known anti-voids though likely more, oh, and Paper is currently substituting for a friend of ours, Blue.” Dream ticked things off on his fingers as he went. “There could be more, but it’s been a while since I introduced someone to the Multiverse.”

“paper?” Sans looked over at Papyrus, who shifted nervously. He didn’t know why, it wasn’t like he was hiding anything? Maybe it was Sans’s scrutinizing look, or that Papyrus didn’t like nicknames. That must be it, no nicknames. His brother would taunt him for at least a month about getting a new nickname.

“There are many Papyruses in the Multiverse, and if you’ll notice, Ink, Error, and I are all Sans-ish. Paper needed a nickname, and he picked this one himself,” Dream said. Papyrus was thankful Dream had explained before he had tried, otherwise Papyrus was certain he would trip over his words.

“a nickname, huh?” Sans raised his eyebrows at his brother playfully. “should i get one too?”

“You are welcome to, especially if you wish to leave your timeline. Most nicknames are based on their timeline’s name or things they like- like colors!” Dream said. He lifted his hand, hesitating as he looked around the room. Then he set his arm back down. Papyrus, glancing around as well, noted that no one’s name was really based on colors.

“for example?” Sans said.

“Ah, see, he isn’t available right now, but Blue!”

“HIS TIMELINE IS UNDERSWAP. LIKE DREAM SAID, I’M TAKING HIS PLACE FOR TODAY.” Papyrus grinned. Sans sat up a little straighter, showing a teensy bit of pride.

“no kiddin’? what’s his role? hope it ain’t like destructo over there,” Sans said.

“Hey, can I like. Get some more of this goodness?” Ink butted in. He had (somehow??) managed to get cheese all around his mouth and some on his forehead. But, of course, the bowl was empty.

“feel free to help yourself.” Sans gestured to the pot in the kitchen, and Ink bounded off towards it.

“Ey, rainbow bastard! You better not make a mess!” Error barked at him.

“What do youuuu care?” Ink huffed.

“I don’t like messes,” Error said. His glitching was just a low buzz, which Papyrus was beginning to understand as calm. “That’s my whole thing, you idiot.”

“you two seem friendly for complete opposites,” Sans said.

“Squid over there refuses to leave anyone alone.” Error still had a scowl on his face, but the glitching didn’t get more intense. Papyrus laughed a bit to himself, Error must like Ink’s company more than he’d like to admit.

“that’s everything?” Sans asked.

“Yes, I believe so.” Dream smiled at him.

“so. what are the rules for tellin’ folks?” Sans leaned forward towards Dream.

“Tell no one. You could seriously fuck up the timeline.” Error said, dropping his bowl on the floor.

“Uh actually- it’s entirely up to you. There aren’t rules for incodes-” Dream got cut off.

“ya keep mentioning incodes, what’re those?”

“Incodes are beings still tied to their timelines, like you and Paper. Blue is also an incode, which is why he couldn’t make it today. Ink, Error, and I are outcodes, which means, well…” Dream trailed off, his eye lights going a little glossy.

“Dream doesn’t really have a home. Error and I made our own!!” Ink said, brushing right over a topic his friend struggled with. Speaking of, Ink didn’t seem to struggle with anything. Was he just… invincible? What a pleasant way to be. Perhaps Papyrus could ask him how he did it (if Ink could focus long enough to answer).

“how exactly do ya… make your own?” Sans asked.

“Hah! As if we know,” Error said, rolling his eye lights.

“YOU DON’T KNOW HOW YOU MADE A WHOLE TIMELINE?” Papyrus asked incredulously.

“It’s not like either of us remember it,” Ink said, shrugging. “Our memories are short! C’mon Paper, you know that!”

“I JUST… THAT’S A LOT NOT TO REMEMBER. HOW DO YOU JUST FORGET THE WHOLE PROCESS?”

“So? Sometimes Squid doesn’t know his own core swallowed name,” Error said.

“so, now that we’ve tried to process that, nice to meet you three,” Sans said. He gave curt nods towards each of Papyrus’s new friends. “dream, i trust that my bro is safe with you?”

“Of course, though Paper does a fantastic job of handling himself.” Dream pointed out. It made Papyrus feel kind of warm, enjoying the feeling of open trust from a monster that just met him. Especially with how useless he’d been during the fight with Error. Sans paused a moment, his gaze lingering on Papyrus, before walking to the door. He sneakily took a shortcut right as the door closed, disappearing into thin air nearly unnoticeably.

“Heeeeey!!! Do you guys want to hang out at Outertale??” Ink said excitedly, setting down a nearly empty bowl of mac and cheese. Goodness, how was he eating that so quickly?

“No.” Error said.

“Don’t we have a game to finish?” Dream tried.

“Actually, fun fact, I’m done hanging out with you shits. Have a horrible day.” Error stood up, opened a portal to who knows where, and left.

“Hey!!! Wait up!!!” Ink whined, racing to make a portal to (presumably) follow.

Dream sighed. “Well, I suppose I’m glad Error’s gone.”

“SHOULD WE BE WORRIED ABOUT OUTERTALE?”

“No, it’s the one timeline Error hasn’t tried to destroy yet.”

“AH.” Papyrus paused. “WHY?”

Dream started, giving Papyrus a surprised look. “I- I guess I’ve never thought about it. It was just… a fact about Error. There are some things none of us question about the two, and they never bother to share.”

“SO… SECRETS?” The more Papyrus thought about secrets, the more his SOUL hurt. He and Sans had been keeping things from each other for so long… he felt relieved that he had told Sans about the multiverse.

“Not really. More like mysteries?” Dream brought a hand to his face, tapping his chin. “I don’t think they purposely hide things, just that they don’t like talking about it. Though they do try and dodge specific questions. And they give different answers for other ones.” Dream looked up at Papyrus again. “I guess they are secrets. Just doesn’t feel that way.”

“LIKE THE ENDING OF A STORY? NOT QUITE A SECRET, BUT IT’S NOT SOMETHING YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW?” Papyrus liked making comparisons. It showed he understood and could apply things.

“Exactly!” Dream smiled pleasantly. Much more genuine than earlier.

“...DREAM?”

“Yes?”

“WHY WERE YOU SO STRESSED EARLIER?”

Dream wrinkled his face. “Error is always a pain, and I didn’t want to spend Lun-”

“NO.” Papyrus interjected. “I MEAN WHEN I FIRST MET YOU.”

“Oh, uh…” Dream’s composure melted for a split second before he pulled back a fake smile. It was interesting how different it was from his genuine one. “Ink was all over the place, haha! That little dude is a mess.”

“NO, I DON’T THINK THAT’S IT.” Papyrus looked at Dream. He could see how uncomfortable his friend was getting, but it didn’t sound like Dream told anyone his troubles.

Dream sighed. “How about we go for a walk?”

[ushidoux]

A Life Well Lived - Bokuto x Reader (Pt. 1)

Summary: An immortal meets a human she’s meant to care for temporarily. ‘Care for’ and ‘temporarily’ are not well defined. (1.7k words)

Warnings: these will change by chapter, but for this one, I guess alcohol

A/N: Hey yall, it’s your girl starting yet another mini-chapter fic, please bear with me. This popped into my head and I got excited, let me know what you think or if I should continue.

When you gaze upon your human the first time, you’re genuinely surprised. 

He is terribly young, to the point that it shocks you, although you’re not sure you’ve ever really experienced ‘shock.’

You cannot estimate exactly how old he is (from your studies, humans age extremely variably) but from the looks of it, he’s somewhere in his early to mid 20s. He looks healthy and happy too, you note, as you sit perched on a large tree, enhanced vision allowing you to pierce through the very ceiling of the large restaurant in which he’s seated and laughing boisterously while he enjoys a dinner with friends that seem to love him dearly.

You scratch your head before turning to your hovering aide called a Companion, a bouncing bright light not unlike any of the stars that hang above in the night sky. Your Companion is a semi-sentient link to the celestial realm from which you were born and is similar to what humans would call pets, albeit more intelligent and able to quickly provide you information; yours, however, tends to be on the quiet side unless you ask it questions. 

Your first question is to confirm that you are indeed looking at the right human. It would be embarrassing if your instructor found out you had been tagging along behind the wrong subject the entire time, leaving your true human defenseless, but you couldn’t say it was the first time it had happened in the history of GA training. Guardian Angel trainees weren’t always selected for promotion strictly based off of their attentiveness, even if it was a crucial requirement for the job. 

<< Companion, am I surveilling the right human? >> You ask, tentatively. Your lips don’t form words, but rather think thoughts that the Companion understands. The light seems to glow a brighter gold then retreats to its normal luminance before replying to your question.

<< Bokuto Koutaro is the one you have been bonded to. Your eyes rest on the correct subject. >>

You frown. It’s not a good thing to have a young subject as a trainee. Trainees work on stints of two to three years maximum, which means that this young man, so full of life and cheer, will not be long for this world if you truly are meant to be his keeper. The fact is a bit upsetting, but you remember that this is the nature of the role you were created to fill. Two years, ten years, twenty years of life was not very much time in the grand scheme of things, anyway. Mortals live relatively short lives regardless.

The moon above you is full, and you continue to watch him carefully in the light, still settled weightlessly on the same tree branch and humming quietly to yourself as the night progresses. He’s drunk, you realize once he finally leaves the building, and a young man whose name he mumbles intermittently - Akaashi, is it? - is all but carrying him into a cab and leading him home. You giggle as Koutaro burps loudly into Akaashi’s face while he attempts to push him into the vehicle. 

Humans are so funny.

When the car starts to leave, you stretch out your wings and glide through the dim sky, your Companion besides you, to follow your human to his home. 

It turns out to be a short trip towards a modestly sized apartment building, and Koutaro stumbles out and makes his way safely to the elevator and all the way up until his front door. He struggles to find his key card in his wallet, which he drops more than once, but eventually he makes his way in. You notice a couple of loose bills he drops on the ground and decide to pick them up for him and drop them on his kitchen counter. 

Koutaro does not take off his shoes at the door, but he kicks them off right before he collapses onto his couch instead of his bed, and they go flying in your direction, you phasing in and out of your physical form just in time so that they don’t hit you square in the chest. You think that you probably shouldn’t stay in this form, but you’re bored of floating and sit instead on his kitchen counter.

He falls asleep almost instantly, laid on his belly and snoring loudly, one arm dangling off of the couch.

You’re surprised he can slip out of consciousness that quickly, but he really is quite inebriated. Usually at this time, you can give yourself a little break and allow your Companion to monitor for any sudden changes while you find something else to do to pass the time other than stare at him, but instead you watch him sleep a little longer.

The young man is fascinating. Granted, you haven’t had experience with tons of humans before this, but he’s notable. First of all, he’s larger in frame than the average human, and his hair is an unusual color and shape. His eyes, when open, are gold like your Companion, and his smile is warm. 

His snore is really quite loud though, but suddenly it stops and for a moment you are nervous he’s stopped breathing. You go over to check and roll him onto his back, not bothering to shroud yourself in invisibility immediately thereafter because there’s absolutely no way he’ll wake up with how soundly he’s asleep.

Until he does.

Bokuto’s golden eyes shoot open in the dark, and suddenly he’s staring right at you, and those same eyes become wide like saucers.

He gasps and you gasp, and immediately out of panic, you disappear.

You jump up in the air, letting your wings flap once to create distance between you, even though his frantically searching eyes can no longer see you now that you’ve shrouded yourself from view, and you watch him sober up immediately as he tries to come to terms with what he just saw.

He flips on all the lights, looking frantically for the spirit appearing like a young woman who just hovered mere inches from his face, and his heart is pounding - you can hear it from here - while you continue to float, unsure if you should leave him alone for now and escape back to your realm.

You’ve royally fucked up. Maybe he’ll forget because he’s drunk, you hope, biting your lip.

Instead, he calls a friend.

“There’s a ghost in my room!” He yells. Your ears are tuned to the other end of the phone where you can hear a groggy, exasperated voice remind him that it’s 3am and hang up the phone promptly. It’s the same friend from earlier; it seems like his fright today is not out of the realm of his usual antics.

Bokuto looks absolutely panicked now and sits back on the couch, legs pulled into his chest. You wonder if he’ll actually die from fright, so pale he now seems as he looks around, unable to sleep.

Maybe you take a little bit of pity on him, because you turn off your Companion who helps you but also monitors your every move, and decide disaffectedly to break the rules again. It’s only meant to be for a moment, just to assuage his fears, and you drop yourself back to the ground and reveal yourself.

“Don’t be afraid,” you say in a small, gentle voice, as you stand before him. “... I’m not a ghost.”

You’re not exactly sure what more to say after that. The young man’s eyes are wide, incredibly wide again, and his mouth takes the form of an O as he takes you in.

Your wings are not very large but they’re not small either and they’re untucked, and you realize he’s staring at those rather than your face.

“... Angel?!” He exclaims.

You nod, perhaps too solemnly, and he looks like he’s about to faint.

“I’m dying, aren’t I? I’m fucking dying! I drank too much and I’m fucking dead! I’m dead, I’m dead, I’m dead!” He is now wailing, no longer looking at you, but burying his face in the couch cushions dramatically. 

You approach slowly, not sure what to do with a crying human, and he gets up suddenly and looks at you pitifully.

“Heaven or hell?”

“What?” You repeat, and he doesn’t seem phased by the fact that you, a stranger with wings and a halo are speaking to him, but rather that his life is coming to an end.

“Am I going to hell? I think I shoplifted once when I was a kid… Some grapes! I stole some grapes and I’m going to hell for that, aren’t I?!”

His lower lip is quivering and he’s waiting for an answer, but before you can speak, he is wailing again.

“Give me another chance!!! I didn’t know better and I was hungry!”

You’re stunned, and then a little flustered. For goodness’ sake...

“Y-you’re not dying!” You finally exclaim.

He’s back in sorts for just a moment, and blinks, looking at you with surprise.

“I’m not?”

Not yet, anyway, you think. You clear your throat.

“I-I’m your guardian angel.”

As soon as that comes out of your mouth, you wince, because you already know that you’re breaking too many rules at once, even if your Companion is turned off and can’t report you. You’re not exactly sure why you’re telling him the truth like this in the first place, but the sight of the crying human gets to you, especially since you feel bad for what is yet to come for him.

Before you know it, he’s reached out for you surprisingly fast, and to your shock, he now holds your face in his hands. His hands are large, gentle and warmer than anything you’ve ever felt in your life. You can hear his heartbeat through his palms. It pounds.

You don’t have a heart, but if you did, you think it would have stopped. There’s a split second of wonder that you detect from his golden eyes as he drinks your face in, confirming that you are indeed real and he is not dreaming. Even in the dark, you can see redness form on his cheeks anew, still from the alcohol that he consumed too freely hours earlier. Probably.

It occurs to you that something again is very wrong, this feeling of doom that seems to arise from inside you, even though you are immortal and this is a human destined to die.

He’s too bold. There’s too much intensity in his eyes.

You fade into nothingness and disappear for the night.

[taiblogcomics]

I Can’t Pet Force You To Read This One, But...

Hey there, high school crushes. Well, it's finally here. Can you believe it? Yes, counting from the original Xanga site (which, yes, still counts. It's like our own Golden Age publication or apocryphia), this is our 10th anniversary of reviewing comics. That's fantastic. I'm excited, can't you tell? I can tell, since I'm writing this preamble a good two months before the actual anniverary~

So, last year we reviewed the absolute pile of dreck that is Heroes in Crisis. And while that was worth ripping into, I'd rather not spend the 10th anniversary hating on something. I'd like to do something actually meaningful to me. I've teased about this one for many years, probably for as long as I've been doing this blog, and I think it's time we stopped pussyfooting around and reviewed some Garfield. But not just any Garfield. It's finally time, my friends. This... is Garfield's Pet Force.

I dunno how many people will remember this one. Maybe you recall the direct-to-DVD movie adaptation from 2009, or at least advertising for it. I never saw it, but apparently it differs a bit. They also appeared a few times in those Garfield comics from back in the day. We even reviewed a couple (some were on the Xanga blog). But what we're looking at here are the original novellas published between 1997 and 1999. So yeah, these really are from my childhood. And since I've long espoused that Garfield was always funnier 20 years ago, this must be actual premium Garfield content, yeah? By golly, I hope so, because we got five whole books here today. So we should probably get into them~

Book 1: The Outrageous Origin

This is a classic sort of superhero cover. Standard team shot of poses, and that's fine for a first volume. In fact, that's great. Later editions of this would replace the lightning-filled gradient background with a pure white one, but I have this original version. We'll get to specifics about these characters in the meat of the story, but let's talk about the costumes for a bit. Very classic early-'90s sort of look, before the Dark Age kicked in. Reminds me a lot of Jim Lee's X-Men designs, actually. Making all your characters visually distinct is important in a team book. The heavy lean into secondary colours is unusual for heroic characters, but not unwelcome.

So we actually start with a cold open in the superhero universe. This is pretty much to introduce us to the characters as soon as possible, and thus I'll do the same for you here.

*Garzooka, team leader, super strong, has a razor-sharp claw, and can shoot radioactive hairballs from his mouth. That's... at least a unique power, I don't think anyone on the Justice League can do that~ *Odious, the dumb muscle with the accent on the "dumb". Possibly even stronger than Garzooka, and possessing a "super-stretchy stun tongue", an elastic tongue that can scramble the minds of whoever it adheres to. *Starlena, the team girl. She can fly, and she has a siren song that can put those who hear it into a hypnotic trance. Garzooka is the only one immune to its effects, for reasons that are never explained. *Abnermal, the kid-appeal character. He has ice powers, forcefields, and an ill-defined "pester power" that means he can annoy people on a greater scale than normal folks. It's pretty much only used for comic relief, but that could be a brilliant power in the right hands. *Compooky, the brains of the operation. Other than flight, his powers are limited to super intelligence, which means he's usually the exposition guy. There's probably a reason they left him out of the movie adaptation~

You got all that? Don't worry, we'll introduce you again later in the book. What actually happens in the intro chapter isn't really important, it's just setting up the universe. In fact, it's all taking place within Pet Force #99, a comic just enjoyed by Nermal. Yes, we quickly cut over to the main Garfield universe ("our universe", the narrator calls it), where Pet Force is just a comic book. The Garfield gang is all outside, enjoying a cookout prepared by Jon Arbuckle. Nermal is extremely enthused by his comic book, and brags about how he has all 98 previous issues sealed and polybagged, and this one will soon join them. Sorry, Nermal, this came out in 1997, the speculator boom already went bust~

Garfield dismisses comic books as stupid because you can't eat them or use them as a blanket, and declares that none of the stuff that happens in the comic could possibly happen in real life. Uh oh, irony! Because these things can happen, and do! It's a parallel universe, baby! This might be one of my earliest introductions to a "parallel worlds" concept. Much like Earths 1 and 2 in pre-Crisis DC, the events of the comic are essentially the real life adventures of their super-powered counterparts in another dimension. Most of the action in these stories will take place there~

So here's the setup: Vetvix (the parallel equivalent to Liz the veternarian) is an evil sorceress and scientist, who essentially wants to experiment on animals in peace, and possibly subjugate the universe while she's at it. You could argue that Liz is an odd choice for villain, since our universe's Liz isn't particularly evil. But then, our universe's Garfield isn't particularly heroic either. She operates out of a deadly space station called the Orbiting Clinic of Chaos, and at present she's waiting for the arrival of her henchman, Space Pie-Rat, who is a six-foot-tall anthropomorphic rat dressed in stereotypical pirate getup. Vetvix has just finished inventing a levitation ray, and she'd like Pie-Rat to go out and use it to steal all the food in the universe. Vetvix doesn't think small, is what I'm saying.

The counter to Vetvix is Emperor Jon, ruler of the planet Polyester. He's kind and benevolent, even if he's a little dippy and his fashion sense atrocious. Having gotten wind of Vetvix's latest plan, he contacts Pet Force in their ship, the Lightspeed Lasagna. Upon learning the problem, Pet Force gives chase to Pie-Rat. They eventually corner him on some desolate planet, landing and entering an abandoned factory. Unfortunately, they're not safe amongst the dangerous machinery, because this turns out to be a trap. Vetvix has been busy as hell, because she's also invented a metal that's impervious to their powers. And that's not all, because she's also basically invented the Phantom Zone, where she traps Pet Force forever. It specifically mentions it doesn’t kill them, because it wouldn't be kosher to murder the heroes in a Garfield book~

The Lightspeed Lasagna has both onboard cameras connected to the heroes' belts as well as automatic return protocols, so within two days, Emperor Jon knows exactly what's happened to Pet Force. He needs help, so he calls upon his most trusted and powerful advisor: Binky the Sorceror. Binky's just as loud and obnoxious as in the main universe, but he's also a powerful magician. He conjures up a spell for Emperor Jon that lets him pierce the veil between universes. It's basically Equestria Girls rules: parallel universes have similar characters between them. So to replace Pet Force, they need the nearest genetic equivalents from another universe. And that's the versions of Garfield, Odie, Arlene, Nermal, and Pooky that we know and love~

Back in the main universe, it's another day entirely. Another cookout is taking place, and Nermal has received his special anniversary issue of Pet Force #100. The cover's really special, dripping with '90s cover gimmicks like glow-in-the-dark and embossing. A rarely used one, though, was "portal to another universe". That was pretty expensive to print, so you won't find many comics like Nermal's. Maybe he had something there with the collecting after all. The cover glows, and while Jon is distracted by the grill, Garfield and Friends disappear~

They reappear in Emperor Jon's wood-paneled throne room, now transformed into Pet Force. Emperor Jon and Sorceror Binky try to explain the situation, but Garfield--now Garzooka--is disbelieving of the whole thing. In fact, even the idea that Jon can now hear him talk absolutely floors him. Since he's about to deliver the exposition for everyone, can we talk about Compooky for a minute? This spell has just granted sapience to Garfield's teddy bear. I don't expect deep philosophy from a children's novella, but the ramifications of this are really under-explored. Like, never mind the whole idea of a teddy bear having the same genetic makeup as an alternate universe equivalent. He goes from inanimate object to fully conscious being, and he just rolls with it.

Anyways, once everybody gets caught up on what's going on and accepts the new reality, a training montage ensues so the group can all learn to use their powers without killing each other. Once at least reasonably trained, the reborn Pet Force is sent out to stop Pie-Rat. He's gotten sloppy in the times with Pet Force dead, so they track him down easily. After a brief scuffle where Garzooka takes his eyepatch, Pie-Rat flees in his ship. They follow Pie-Rat back to the Orbital Clinic of Chaos, but they can't go in the front. That led the original Pet Force into a trap. Finding an unguarded maintenance hatch--standard on any big space station--they enter Vetvix's lair for a final confrontation!

After dealing with the Waiting Room of Doom, which slowly fills with outdated magazines, they enter Vetvix's inner sanctum. Frustrated with Pie-Rat's failure, she uses her magic to turn him into an ordinary mouse. Vetvix then attempts to use her same weapon on this new Pet Force, but thanks to story contrivance, it only works on beings born in this universe. As other dimensional visitors already, they can't be banished to another dimension. She then pulls a Dr. Claw and runs off cursing Pet Force's name while her base self-destructs. Vetvix is a very "discard and draw" sort of villain, it seems. Pet Force, of course, makes a harrowing escape just in the nick of time.

Returning to Emperor Jon, they vow to be ready to return whenever they're called on, since evil never stays dormant for long. Odious even gifts Emperor Jon with the mouse-ified Pie-Rat as proof of their victory. Well, I'm glad they remember that, so they didn't accidentally murder a major villain in their first superhero outing. They're returned to their own universe, and the time differential between them places them back with Jon having not had time to even look up from the grill. Garfield begins to doubt the adventure even happened--until that night, when he finds Pie-Rat's eyepatch still on his person. Ah, definitive proof of... eyepatches, I guess~

Book 2: Pie-Rat's Revenge!

You have to wonder where, in a space-faring superhero setting, Pie-Rat got the inspiration for his classic pirate motif. It's a little incongruous is all I'm saying. And hey, remember when I said earlier that Garzooka's purple-and-green colour scheme was odd for a hero? Well, here he is as a villain! That'll catch your eye. This would be a terrific comic cover, which is what you want in a series like this.

The book opens with a brief recap of the previous story's events, then moves into the new plot. See, Emperor Jon has opted to keep the polymorphed Pie-Rat as his pet. How very Ron Weasley of him. That's pretty apt, actually, because similarly Pie-Rat has maintained his intelligence in his new mousey form. Pie-Rat gets sick of being Emperor Jon's pet and plans a daring escape, exploiting the emperor's dimwitted and loving personality against him. Pie-Rat jams the lock with a food pellet and makes his escape that night.

Once free from his cage, he encounters Binky's cauldron, still left in the throne room from when the sorceror summoned Pet Force from Garfield's universe. Figuring he has nothing to lose, Pie-Rat jumps in the leftover brew. Suddenly he finds himself growing. He returns to his original anthropomorphic state--but with a twist. He's now twice his original height, a staggering twelve feet tall. He scoops up the rest of the remaining potion for later, and sneaks out of the palace as best as a 12-foot rat can sneak. Desiring revenge on both his former employer and his longtime foes, he steals Pet Force's ship and makes his escape from the planet, headed for Vetvix's newest base.

After his guards help Emperor Jon put the pieces of the problem together, they decide they must once again call upon the powers of Pet Force to recover their missing vehicle and stop the newly embiggened Pie-Rat. Fortunately, Garfield and friends have been watching movies all weekend, so Jon doesn't notice when his pets disappear from the living room in a bright flash. Of course, once returned to the alternate universe and the situation explained, they still have a problem: how do they give chase to Pie-Rat when he's got their ship?

And speaking of Pie-Rat in their ship, he's followed the trail of a mysterious energy output, and it's led him right to Vetvix's new base, the Menacing Moon of Mayhem. See, this is why you don't blow up your base: the backup base is never as good. if it was, it wouldn't be the backup. Given that it's such a shoddy base, Pie-Rat is easily able to get inside and get close to Vetvix. She's expecting a technological attack, so she's unprepared when he pulls out that vial of magic potion and sprinkles her with it. And naturally, the potion that made him grow 12 feet tall makes Vetvix shrink to 5 inches. It's magic, we don't have to explain it!

Pie-Rat takes the magic crystal that Vetvix uses to fuel her powers, which of course didn't shrink because magic is just bullshit. See previous paragraph's last sentence. And while Pie-Rat takes over the base and begins plotting a further revenge against Pet Force, we cut over to them. They're at Sorceror Binky's own castle, and it's clear he's a bit of a hoarder. This is to their advantage, though, as they eventually piece together a working spaceship out of old car parts and other things, all patched together between Compooky's know-how and Binky's magic. This seems like the sort of book where I could use that "it's magic" quote every other paragraph. But craft a new--if small--ship they do, and speed off in the newly christened Planetary Pizza.

The rickety little ship does eventually find its way to Pie-Rat's base, saving him the trouble of being proactive as a villain. The magic thing keeps happening, and Pie-Rat basically becomes Discord for a bit while he fights them, doing things like turning Starlena's siren song into actual living music notes. One by one, the members of Pet Force are taken out, with only Garzooka is left. He and Pie-Rat struggle, while Pie-Rat tries to aim the magic crystal at Garzooka. Garzooka uses his claw to rip the crystal from Pie-Rat and defeat him.

Unfortunately, here's where the cover comes in. It seems the moments Pie-Rat was focusing the crystal during the struggle affected Garzooka's mind. He puts the crystal around his own neck. which turns him evil. He helps Pie-Rat to his feet, and the pair escape in the Lightspeed Lasagna. While Pet Force pursues them in their ramshackle ship, the new criminal duo strikes the storage planet of Deli to steal their food. Pet Force manages to catch up as the villains celebrate their spoils, and use a magic blast from the systems Binky installed to short out the Lightspeed Lasagna. This enables them to dock with the ship and climb aboard for a contfrontation.

The group fights, and once again the bearer of a bullshit magic crystal subdues the heroes easily. Annoyed now, Garzooka takes hold of Starlena and prepares to kill her or something. She taps into the one thing she has left: she's not fighting just Garzooka, but Garfield in his body. She drops some heavy put-downs, which resonate with Garfield, and he hesitates long enough for her to cut the crystal off him. The crystal hits the floor and shatters, undoing its evil magics on Garzooka's mind as well as on all his teammates. With Pet Force reunited, Pie-Rat is easily subdued and locked up.

The group waits for the ship to power back up, then speed off to apologise to the planet Deli. Following that, they head back towards Vetvix's moonbase. That night, though, the magic that was making Pie-Rat 12 feet tall wears off, and he escapes from his cell. He steals the remaining shards of the crystal, climbs into the Planetary Pizza, and makes a getaway. As a bonus, he also repeats the power-down spell against the bigger ship, giving him ample time to escape. And he's not the only one. Over on the Menacing Moon of Mayhem, Vetvix also returns to her proper size, and abandons this base as well. And when Pet Force fails to find her, they simply return to their own universe, ready to be called on once again in the future~

Book 3: K-Niner: Dog of Doom!

Another very basic comic book-style cover. K-Niner is a much more typical villain in style. This one's actually a wrap-around, and features the rest of Pet Force reacting to K-Niner on the back cover. Which is good because, other than the first cover, the covers all have a heavy Garzooka focus. Which makes sense for a book series, I suppose, you wanna assure the kiddos that Garfield's gonna be in the book. But as a comic book series, this would be a bad look for a team book~

So after our standard introduction and recap, we start off with Vetvix in yet another new base, the Floating Fortress of Fear. I'm sure it's very intimidating, if she can keep hold of it for more than a single book. She's picking up from the epilogue and putting the last touches on K-Niner, mostly enhancing his intelligence. Now, you look at the cover and tell me what kind of voice you'd expect. Some sort of German or Austrian accent, like the doberman on Road Rovers? Does anyone remember Road Rovers~? Anyways, but no: he speaks with a posh British accent. You know, the "I say, good chaps, looks like we're in a bit of a sticky wicket, eh wot?" type. Trust me, you can tell. But just because he sounds refined doesn't mean he's not evil.

I also love that after the initial "trapped them in the Phantom Zone" bit, the villains just go whole ham. K-Niner here demonstrates that he is indeed evil by threatening to rip out Vetvix's throat. Let your villains be villainous is all I'm saying. She's pleased he's so vicious, but feels he needs to learn his place as well. She force-chokes him until he complies. She then gives him his assignment: she thinks dogs should be liberated. The Boy Mayor of Second Life would approve, and so does K-Niner. Turning pets on their masters is just his style.

K-Niner takes a portable evolution gun, and immediately sets off. He begins on the planet Kennel. Isn't it neat how every planet is named after an English word that describes its function? K-Niner quickly takes over the dog population and turns them against their masters, because boosting their intelligence also makes them evil, of course. They use enslavement collars on their former owners, and within a few days, the dogs now run the planet. We cut over to Emperor Jon on Polyester, where a man has crash-landed a ship. He's an escapee from Kennel, and he's here to report the events so we can get the plot moving and once more summon Pet Force!

And summoned once more they are, Garfield and Friends once more conveniently disappearing in a split second while Jon's back is turned (this time they're outside playing volleyball). And once back in the parallel universe, Emperor Jon fills them all in on K-Niner's dastardly doings. Garzooka, naturally, takes great offense to dogs being in charge, and takes his duties as a hero completely seriously for once. Pet Force takes off for a confrontation with K-Niner in the Lightspeed Lasagna. And speaking of Pet Force's ships...

The Planetary Pizza, piloted by Pie-Rat, plants its pads down on polar planet Glacia. Pie-Rat is here seeking a way to restore his magic crystal and regain his mighty magic powers. He's sought out the home of a legendary evil wizard, who's known by the name of... Barfo. I see why Barfo keeps his location a secret. But anyway, Barfo is the one who made the crystal, so naturally Pie-Rat reasons he can restore it as well. Suprisingly once on Glacia, Barfo's evil lair is pretty easy to find. His manservant, Hobart the Gnome, brings Pie-Rat before the wizard, and within moments the crystal is restored! Pie-Rat turns to thank Hobart, but Hobart suddenly turns into Vetvix!

Yes, Vetvix knew all along that Pie-Rat's quest would lead him here. And as she was once Barfo's student in the ways of evil magic, she knew she could get the old coot to go along with her plan. Barfo returns the crystal to Vetvix, restoring her powers. And so Pie-Rat, a recurring villain in three whole books, is unceremoniously done away with, as Vetvix teleports him inside an asteroid, trapping him in solid rock. Even if the asteroid were hollow or he displaced the interior when he teleported in, no doubt he'll suffocate within moments. That's pretty harsh.

With that over, we rejoin Pet Force as they approach Kennel. K-Niner's battle cruiser spots them incoming, and shoots the ship down, even in spite of Abnermal's forcefields. Pet Force bail out of the ship, and Abnermal uses his powers to make snow to cushion their fall. Upon landing, a contingent of mutant animals attack. The mooks aren't much, but K-Niner himself puts up an impressive fight. However, one of the mooks pulls a gun and points it at Compooky. This is why Compooky usually stays aboard the ship, but that wasn't an option. Rather than let their friend get hurt, Pet Force surrenders.

Pet Force is held prisoner separately from Compooky, with both the cell's technology making it freeze-proof and threats of "don't break out, or we'll shoot your compatriot". Their imprisonment is not long, though, as suddenly the power goes out. Pet Force takes advantage of the situation and make their escape, quickly running into Compooky. K-Niner didn't think the hyper-intelligent teddy bear needed a high security cell, and just locked him in the basement. It was easy for him to then break out and shut down the local power grid. This also has the side effect of turning off the control collars the humans were wearing. How convenient!

With control of the planet now tilted in their favour, Pet Force now has time to both fix their ship and reverse the polarity of the brain-boosting weapons, turning the dog population of Kennel back to their normal selves. Though the experience did change the pet owners of Kennel. Having experienced life in their pets' shoes (so to speak) for a bit, they've resolved to treat their canine companions a bit more equally. More being allowed on the furniture, less stupid tricks for treats. Still, Pet Force can't stay long, and they head off in pursuit of K-Niner's battle cruiser. This is why most superheroes don't have spaceships (Jedis don't count): if your enemy also has one, they can flee way more easily than on foot.

Not willing to let another place go to the dogs, as it were, Pet Force catches up with K-Niner. With his previous success, Vetvix has stepped up the timetable and sent him after Polyester right away. Emperor Jon is in danger! They enter the planet's atmosphere, and are attacked by fighter craft. They fend them off, but their weapons system is damaged in the fight, so they can't simply use the reverse brain-rays and solve it quickly. The team splits up instead: Garzooka and Abnermal will go after K-Niner, while the other three will find the planet's power source and knock out the collars, since that worked so well the last time.

The two heroes quickly make short work of K-Niner's guards, and then turn the battle to deal with the Dog of Doom himself. While the struggle goes on, the rest of Pet Force reach the planet's power grid. Using a clever tactic, Compooky overloads the power and causes and electrical storm that simultaneously undoes the brain-boosting effect and shorts out the enslavement collars. There's only a few pages left, after all, and we have to wrap this up.  K-Niner is reverted back into an ordinary dog, and the emperor is reverted to an ordinary non-enslaved person. The day is saved!

And now once again, Pet Force prepares to return to their own universe. However... when the spell clears, the five heroes are still standing there. Something is blocking the passage between dimensions, and Pet Force is trapped. And while Pet Force's adventures have taken place between mere moments in their own universe, they have always returned quickly enough that Jon didn't notice a thing. But this time, as Jon retrieves the volleyball and turns around to his pets, he's surprised to find they've all vanished into thin air...

Book 4: Menace of the Mutanator

This one's very striking because of its more painted look compared to the heavy black outlines the rest of the covers have. Does this one count as having the whole team on the cover? Because, spoilers, that's what the Mutanator is: the rest of Pet Force mashed up into a villain. Again, though, that's definitely a striking image that'd draw in readers to a comic cover. In fact, while Garzooka may be over-used as a cover focus, several of these also show him imperiled in some way, and that's nice for character stuff. That helps balace it a bit~

I wanna say, before we start, that I'm impressed by the continuity for the series as a whole. They could've just written each story as a standalone, but for a series of 100-page children's novellas starring Garfield characters as superheroes, things happen in these books. Like, maybe not sweeping status quo changes, but events affect the plot of each next book down the line. And that's where we pick up! Right where the last book left off, with Pet Force now stuck in the alternate universe, unable to return home to Jon. But if they can't go home to Jon, well, maybe then events will conspire to bring Jon to them~

Yep, because Jon happens to wander into the room where they keep the copy of Pet Force #100 that acts as a portal to their universe, he gets transported into the Pet Force universe. And since Emperor Jon is still an extant entity, there's just two Jons now. Jon, of course, is a bit freaked out, and it takes several pages to explain the whole deal to him, and also have a showcase of all their powers to pad out the book some more. Eventually, they decide to call in Sorceror Binky to examine the problem. When he has a go of it, a sudden tornado emerges from the cauldron and whisks away Pet Force--save for Garzooka, whose prodigious strength keeps him anchored.

Garzooka heads out in the Lightspeed Lasagna to track Pet Force's signature, glad to get away from a double trouble Jon. And while he's searching, the scene cuts to Vetvix's Floating Fortress of Fear. Hey, one of her bases actually lasted more than one book! This is where Pet Force has been transported to, once more in a power-proof cell. Vetvix monologues to the heroes, as she is wont to do, explaining that she's the one who cast the spell to keep them from returning home. And further, she's brought them here to mutate them into her servants.

While Emperor Jon exposits about his backstory (turns out he is not of royal blood, and has about as much legitimate claim to the throne as you or I do), the search continues. Sorceror Binky detects Pet Force, giving them all a view of what happens next. The trapped members of Pet Force are literally broken apart and reassembled: Odious' body, Compooky's brain inserted into the chest, Abnermal's hands, and Starlena's head. She christens this beast "Mutanator", and it is soullessly obedient. I also wanna say, Mutanator's kind of a non-binary icon, aren't they? (The comic uses "it", but it was 1998 and alternative pronouns weren't really a thing yet.) Muscular, masculine body, but confident enough to still wear lipstick. It's a look, is all I'm saying~

Mutanator continues to possess the combined powers of Pet Force as well. Vetvix sends them to attack the planet Armory to gear up before attempting to conquer Polyester. And meanwhile, thanks to the convenience of being able to scan all of Compooky's memories now that his brain is part of Mutanator, Vetvix has the perfect trap to spring on Garzooka--or should she say Garfield. Yes, she really knows the whole origin for Pet Force now, and now she knows all Garfield's weaknesses, likes and dislikes, and probably blood type and other dating profile stats~

Thus, when Garzooka receives the coordinates from Emperor Jon and arrives at the Floating Fortress, he finds himself menaced by giant spiders. Vetvix couldn't think of a way to get Mondays to attack him, so the Giant Spider Invasion will do. Spiders are apparently very formiddable foes, Garzooka's personal fears aside. They can swat gamma hairballs out of the air, they can construct webs as quickly as certain Marvel heroes, and their hairy exoskeletons are resistant to both claw and strength. But despite his fear and Abnermal's running commentary, Garzooka manages to trounce the spiders with a carefully applied flame--taking Vetvix's blueprints with them.

Garzooka heads out once again to track down the Mutanator, leaving his less-than-all-together friends in the safety of their forcefield prison. While he's off, we return to the perspective of his target. Using their combined powers, the Mutanator swiftly conquers the planet Armory and sets their sights on Polyester next. It's not a bad plan, honestly. With the stockpile from Armory, not only will the Mutanator be more powerful, Polyester won't be able to use the planet for backup. Fortunately for the two Jons, though, Garzooka intercepts the Mutanator before they can leave Armory.

The fight's actually pretty good. Very back and forth. But even despite Garzooka's great strength, the Mutanator wins in the end. Thankfully, Vetvix puts her conquest of Polyester on hold to take the time to retrieve Garzooka and add his power to the Mutanator. This, of course will be her undoing--in a completely ridiculous way, of course. For back in the palace, our universe's Jon is watching Pet Force's struggles with the scrying cauldron. And he leans in a bit too close. Sowhile Vetvix is prepping the machine to divide Garzooka's body like she did the rest of Pet Force, Jon suddenly tumbles through the dimensional warp caused by the cauldron and lands on Vetvix, which causes her to put the machine in reverse. A real Jonnus ex cauldrona there, eh?

The Mutanator disappears, their existance as a unique being wiped out as their pieces return to their proper Pet Force owners. With Pet Force reassembled, Garzooka takes out Vetvix with one of his gamma-radiated hairballs while she's distracted by Jon. Pet Force decides that the vile veternarian should have a taste of her own medicine, and stick her in the body-splicing machine with some of her guards. This divides them all up and mixes them into bizarre combinations. It also has the side effect of disabling Vetvix's magic, so they can return to their own universe now.

The book wraps up here. Pet Force first returns to Armory to both return the stolen weapons and also make repairs on the buildings that were damaged in Garzooka's fight with the Mutanator. That's the sort of thing I'd like to see in more superhero stories in general. The two Jons part ways, with the Emperor believing the other Jon's heroism to have been deliberate. And thus are Garfield and friends returned home. And just like the end of their first adventure, where Garfield couldn't be sure if it really happened, so too is Jon's memory fading. Had he really witnessed all that? Only his pets know for sure--and in this universe, they can't talk~

Book 5: Attack of the Lethal Lizards

This one's another wrap-around, showing the rest of Pet Force engaging the remaining Lethal Lizards on the back cover. This is one advantage books have over comics: a front and back cover you can use for your story-telling. The Lizard designs are pretty good for a villain group too. Like Pet Force, they don't adhere to a particular theme, but they do look good individually. Garzooka roasting a hot dog on a stick might be a bit too comedic for a superhero story, though. It sets the tone wrong. How "lethal" can they possibly be if Garzooka is out here roasting hot dogs in the middle of battle?

So here we go, last book. After the usual recap, we open with Jon explaining to Garfield and friends his latest plans: they're going to WackyWorld, a theme park dedicated to Jon's favourite cartoon, The Wackies. Both Garfield and Nermal think the show is lame, and if those two agree on something, you know it must be so. In less lame universes, however, trouble is once more a-brewing. So it turns out Vetvix's Floating Fortress of Fear has been orbiting the swamp planet Reptilius this whole time. And her various experiments in the last two books have been radiating the planet in magical energy...

From that magical power, three reptiles find themselves uplifted in intelligence and granted fantastic powers. Please say hello to our three main villains for this book: Snake, an enormous snake (the only one without an anthro design) with stretching powers; Chameleon, who can shapeshift; and Dragon, a komodo dragon with fire breath and the bad attitude to match. While Snake and Chameleon figure out their powers, Dragon declares himself the leader as he's clearly the smartest, strongest, and most powerful. They name themselves the Lethal Lizards and start plotting how to rule the planet.

After that exciting intro, though, the book kind of slows down. First we get a whole chapter of Emperor Jon also deciding to go on vacation, to planet Funlandia. With Vetvix out of commission for a while, there's no better time. In short, he's out of the castle and Sorceror Binky is in charge. This is followed by a chapter of Jon and his pets at WackyWorld. It's certainly an accommodating amusement park to allow pets on its grounds. Garfield at least gets along with the food, but if you know anything about amusement park food prices, the amount Garfield eats will make your wallet weep. Jon takes his mind off it by dragging the pets along to a ride. Surely they have to be under the height restriction~

Fortunately, we get back to the actual stars of this book, and we see a bit more of their dynamic. Snake is the sort who sucks up to whoever's calling themselves "Boss" at the moment. Dragon is power-hungry, and it's clear he'll sell out his allies at the drop of a hat. Chameleon is Starscream. Anyway, they trek through the jungles of Reptilius until they find a downed spaceship. Reviewing the logs reveals it was a scout ship from Vetvix, and they also learn of Vetvix and her mission. However, they don't know where Emperor Jon lives, so they crowd into the the newly christened Rapacious Reptile and set course for the stars.

The first planet they come across is a world called Klod. Quickly the Lethal Lizards beat up the populace and find the local government. Chameleon shapeshifts into a dignitary, pretending to be an advance entourage for Emperor Jon, schmoozing with the governor until he learns both what Jon looks like and the name of his planet. With this information secure, Chameleon nips out suddenly, and the trio sets forth towards Polyester. Governer Klutz calls up the palace as soon as the reptiles depart, and reports the incident to Sorceror Binky.

Binky wastes no time, and he dials up Pet Force. Since all five are in one place, he's able to pull them through even without them being near the gateway through issue #100's cover. Convenient! Pet Force, however, does waste time, as a lengthy comedy scene eats up several pages before we just get on with it. Eventually, the situation is conveyed, and they figure it's safer to keep Emperor Jon on Funlandia for the time being. Compooky stays behind to help plan some strategies, while the rest of Pet Force boards the Lightspeed Lasagna to intercept the Lethal Lizards before they even arrive.

Pet Force spends the next few minutes both scanning for incoming ships and bickering with each other, so I'm very glad when the Rapacious Reptile appears on their detectors before too long. Dragon threatens the ship, telling them to move or he'll knock them aside. It's a spaceship, dude, you can move in three dimensions. The ships trade shots, and while Chameleon's piloting is actually pretty good due to his independently-rotating eyeballs, eventually both ships crash land on whatever planet is nearby.

Both ships crash right next to each other, which is improbable but less ridiculous than some of the contrivances in these books, so I'm okay with it. Now you'd think what with the enemies being reptiles and Abnermal having freezing powers that this battle would be over really easily, but no. In fact, Garzooka and Dragon are pretty evenly matched. Snake turns out to be immune to Starlena's siren song because snakes don't have external ears. See, now there's a contrivance I find a bit weird. Snake swallows Abnermal whole, and Chameleon and Odious get literally tongue-tied. The Lethal Lizards actually live up to their name pretty well.

As the fight continues, half of both sides are laid out when Compooky comes rushing up, saying he has an urgent message from the emperor. And that's when he sucker-punches the team. It was actually Chameleon in disguise, having gotten knocked away when he and Odious separated. So yeah, round one goes to the Lizards, and they make their escape first. Pet Force regroups, and they give chase. The Lizards have enough head start to really lay siege to Polyester before Pet Force arrives, though. They even get access to the palace using Chameleon's shapeshifting, leading to Sorceror Binky letting slip the real location of the emperor just as Pet Force arrives.

Another fight ensues--see, now it's really a superhero story--and the Lizards leave again 2 and 0. This time Snake uses his venomous fangs to attack Starlena. This leads to the weirdest contrivance yet. Maybe not the worst, but definitely the weirdest. They have only minutes to save Starlena. So how do they do it? Well, they notice that Odious drools quite a lot. It's very "fluid output". So they have Binky magically reverse Odious' drooling, so that he has "fluid input" on his tongue instead. It becomes a big suction sponge and sucks the poison out of Starlena. They then restore the drooling, and he just harmlessly drools out the poison. What.

With their teammate saved, Pet Force pursues the Lethal Lizards to Funlandia. They get there just in time to rescue Emperor Jon from their clutches, with Garzooka and Odious combining their strength to literally rip a kiddie ride out of the ground. Starlena corners Chameleon in a hall of mirrors, turning his own trick against him. Snake is undone by Odious' strength. And Garzooka fights Dragon to a standstill, finally trapping all three on a roller coaster still operating. When the ride comes to an end, Abnermal freezes them all until the authorities can retrieve them.

Naturally, Emperor Jon thinks it's all part of the show (because Jon is dimwitted in any universe). The Lizards are sent to a lizard-proof prison (seriously, it specifies this), and Pet Force returns to their own universe. As usual, Jon didn't notice his pets go missing during the dark amusement park ride. The book concludes on an ominous note, however, as the ship carrying the Lethal Lizards makes its jump to lightspeed just as it passes the Floating Fortress of Fear. The shockwave knocks over some debris that reactivates the combining machine, restoring Vetvix to her full evil might once more!

The end!

No, really. Those five books are all there was. I hear it may have continued into the comics, but I don’t know how accurate that is. I didn’t really look into it.

But boy, what a ride, huh? Let’s dissect the books one at a time, since it only seems fair to take them as individual stories.

The Outrageous Origin: It’s a fairly basic origin story, I’d say. It kind of has to be. I guess my main gripe is that, like Rita Repulsa’s entire run on Power Rangers, the heroes never fight the main villain directly. In fact, there’s barely even an evil plot in this one. You have henchmen and some traps, and that’s about it for the menace.

Pie-Rat’s Revenge: A cautionary tale about why you treat your minions with respect. This one’s pretty good, but the events depicted on the cover make up such a small part of the book. Wouldn’t it have been more fun if Garzooka was turned at the beginning of the story? Book 4 would at least do the reverse of that, so it’s not a major complaint~

K-Niner, Dog of Doom: I think this one’s about as middle of the road as you can get. What a coincidence that it’s also the middle of the series! Like I said in the recap portion, it’s a shame that Pie-Rat’s story ended here. This one definitely feels more “villain of the week” than most.

Menace of the Mutanator: This one might be the best book in the series. Garzooka, alone, battling against the best parts of his team? That’s gripping stuff. I guess the main problem is that the Mutanator isn’t really a character in and of themselves. Like, K-Niner, he may have been a generic rent-a-villain type, but he had a personality. Mutanator is little more than an extention of Vetvix’s will.

Attack of the Lethal Lizards: I’m a bit split on this one. The bits with the titular Lizards are great. They steal the show! But the parts where it focuses on either Jon kind of drag, and Pet Force is a bit too jokey here. Like, I get the point is that they’ve relaxed into their roles now, and there’s not much point of doing it as a Garfield story if they don’t actually use the character personalities, but... I dunno. It’s good, but it could have been better~

And that’s it! Like, I dunno how to wrap this up. Pet Force was neither my first exposure to superheroes nor my first introduction to the Garfield brand (you can thank Saturday morning cartoons for both of those). But for some reason, maybe just the absurdly goofy premise, it always kinda stuck with me. And I think that’s a good enough reason to make it my 10th anniversary review, don’t you~?

[tickle-bugs]

I had two people ask for some advice on starting up/running a blog, so I thought I’d make a little post for anyone else looking for advice! There’s no one right way to run a blog and I am by no means an expert. This is just a compilation of some of the things I’ve learned :) 

Feel free to add advice to this!

- The first thing is something I cannot stress enough. Write for yourself first. You will be absolutely miserable if you’re only writing for attention. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s so incredibly important. If you don’t like a prompt, fandom, or scenario? You don’t have to write for it! A personal example: I’m a theatre kid and total musical nerd. I could probably write some compelling Dear Evan Hansen or Hamilton headcanons if I wanted to, but I don’t. That’s fine! I’m allowed to say I won’t write for it and deny prompts/requests for those fandoms. 

- Set boundaries. This is a very mixed community with all sorts of creators and participants with hands in different baskets. Don’t want minors to interact? Put minors DNI in your bio. SFW only? Put it in the bio. No RP? Bio. This goes for private conversations/askbox/other interactions as well. If someone comes into your askbox/dms and says something that makes you uncomfy, shut it down. 

- My advice is more geared towards writing than art or video, but I suppose you could apply this advice as well. Make what makes you happy! If you’re only in one fandom, feel free to stay there and make content for it. Multi-fandom? Excellent! Completely non-fandom? Epic! Make the content that you want to see and the content that makes you happy to create, especially if you’re in a more niche fandom/area. 

- Organization. ...I’ll admit this one is more of a personal pet peeve than something urgent, but it is something that people positively respond to. If you have some sort of consistency/organization to your blog, it’ll make it easier and more enjoyable for people to navigate. Make a fandom list/indicate your fandoms somehow (mostly for prompt purposes. people can’t read your mind, so it’s important to tell them what you will write for and what you won’t, however you want to do that)! 

Make a masterpost/link your fic tag! Use a fic tag of some kind. Give your fics summaries and leave a little bit of the fic above the ‘read more’ to intrigue folks (look at #my fics and my masterpost for basic examples of how I do this, if you need!). Use read mores. Please use read mores (if you can, idk if they’re on mobile. regardless no one wants to encounter a three thousand word block of text on their dash). (No seriously though, organize your blog, even if it’s super simple. literally just a ‘mine’ or ‘my fics’ or ‘[pseud] writes’ and a fandom tag. It’ll make it easier for people to find your stuff and support you)

- Practice general internetiquette. Please remember that the people in this community are real people with feelings, boundaries, and lives outside of the blog that they run. Be genuine and people will respond to you! Don’t manipulate people into likes/reblogs/attention. No one wants to be on the other end of that. Being in this community isn’t a transaction or a mosh pit, it’s an experience.  

- Be ever-so-liberal with the block button. Someone’s user makes you uncomfortable? They give you bad vibes? They’re a minor/older than you and you don’t want them interacting with your content? You don’t wanna see their blog for some reason? Block em. This goes for anons too. That’s what the button is for. Don’t feel guilty for using it. Use it. 

- How you write is 100% a personal choice and not really something that I can give advice on, but embrace your style! take prompts if you want, or don’t. Write oneshots, series, drabbles, or novels. Write romantic, or don’t. Etc. Change things up if you feel like it. Do what you want. Your blog, your style, your rules. 

- Numbers matter. Don’t let them define you. This is a bit of a harder one to explain, but I will try. I often say that I don’t care about numbers, and I really don’t, but that’s not to say that I don’t see them and they have zero effect on me. I absolutely notice and am bummed if a fic doesn’t get notes, or at least the notes that I was expecting. That is entirely normal and okay to experience. What isn’t okay, though, is creating for the sake of getting notes/numbers/attention (re: write for yourself first, internetiquette). If you find yourself relying on tumblr for gratification and a reward, I implore you to take a break. I’m not your therapist or your parent, I’m not gonna tell you what to do, but when you make things only for the sake of notes, people notice. Celebrate your milestones. Know that it’s okay to be bummed about low notes/celebrate getting plenty. Just make sure that you don’t depend on the numbers for your happiness, or you will be miserable.

- You’re (probably) doing this for free. You are providing people content: a service. Produce as much or as little as you’re comfy with, but always remember that. No one is entitled to what you make. If someone asks you for headcanons, sends a prompt when prompts are closed, etc, and you don’t feel like fulfilling it? You have no obligation to do that. Getting commissioned is another story entirely, but as long as you’re making free content, you have zero obligation to do anything for anyone and certainly no time constraints. It can take me months to finish prompts, and that’s okay. I do them when I do them and I fill them how I want to. If my prompts are closed, I deny new ones until I’m ready to accept them. Make yourself happy first.

- How you interact with others is up to you! It’s generally considered good practice to like/reblog your mutuals fics/art, but this is not necessarily a hard and fast rule. I veeeeeery rarely reblog fics for fandoms that I’m not in, even from my mutuals. What you can do to show your support (and you should try and show support somehow. No one is in competition. Everyone’s in your boat, whether they have no followers or 1k) is send an ask/reply to the post/leave tags to let the author know you liked it. Like the fic and don’t reblog it, if you don’t want to. Just make sure you show your mutuals (and others in general!) roughly the same support they show you, however you decide to do that. Treat others how you want to be treated, as cheesy as it sounds :)

- Don’t repost content that isn’t yours without express permission from the original creator, and credit them appropriately. If you see a cute piece of tickle art and the artist doesn’t want it reposted? Don’t repost it. Don’t post fics/videos/gifs that aren’t yours (obviously if it’s like a scene from a movie/a clip on youtube that’s different, but don’t take credit for things you didn’t make, including ideas). Can’t tell you how frustrating it is to have work stolen from you. Don’t be that person. ‘Credit to original artist’ and ‘credit unknown’ is total bullshit btw. Link/tag the creator in the original post and make it clear you don’t own the content. Best practice is to ask the original creator if they’re okay with reposting, work inspired by or connected to theirs, etc. This goes doubly for saving/downloading someone’s fics. 

- It is not illegal for a minor to have normal, nonsexual, healthy friendships with people older than them. There’s a weird attitude that minors have nothing of value to offer adults besides a relationship/sex, which is...not true? Minors are thinking, living human beings with feelings, thoughts, and opinions. You can talk to them like normal people, because they are. Just obviously don’t talk about/introduce sex or endanger them. Minors don’t bring up sex/activities you’re underage for with an adult. IDK this isn’t a seminar just...don’t be weird. Adults can offer great life experience, support systems, and the basic joys and needs of human connection. Minors can too. Mind your business unless someone’s actually in danger. The next point is a caveat, though: 

- If you’re a minor, don’t interact with NSFW blogs/blogs with ‘Minors DNI’, NSFW blogs don’t interact with minors, etc etc. Not your parent or whatever but this is pretty common sense and it’s for everyone’s safety, but especially the NSFW person. internettiquette!

- If you use your TK blog as a side blog (meaning you have another blog as your main blog, not two separate accounts) and don’t want your main exposed, that is up to you. I recommend not liking posts. Also, follow people that you trust. These actions route through your main blog and your main will show up in the notes. You can reblog from a sideblog. If you want to send an ask “as your tk blog”, send an anon and sign it somehow, like ‘hey :) // @/tickle-bugs’. It should tag you in the post so you get a notification when it’s answered!

- Find your people! As an anxious person this one has been hard for me, so I know it’s hard for a lot of people. Fandom is literally a community of shared interest. Peachy and I have an iron bond almost two years later and we met talking over shared interests. You can absolutely find your people here. If someone makes you happy, strike up a conversation! Send an ask! You never know what doors it might open or whose day you might improve :)

- If you were an anon/lurker on someone’s blog and they inspired you to write/submit/start your own, sign your messages!! the common form that I see is either an emoji or [noun/context of the ask]!anon (prodigal!anon (i miss u every day), butterfly!anon, etc.) Let us know how to find and support you!! Those messages produce good brain juice. 

- The big finale: Have fun. If you’re not having fun here, maybe you could tweak something to make things enjoyable. Running a blog is like driving a car. Keep your hands on the wheel, respectfully indicate your intentions (flashing lights optional), and be safe. Poebody’s nerfect, y’know. If you make a mistake, course correct. I’m by no means perfect. Your favs aren’t either. Just do your best and have a good time :)

@rosytickles and the anon in my inbox, I hope this helps! Thank you for asking me, I’m very honored that you value my opinon/experience/advice. I apologize if I come off as preachy or aggressive, I envisioned grabbing my younger self by the lapels and shaking me vigorously while I wrote this. Probably a bad idea. 

Anywho, hope it helps. Anyone with questions, additions, or comments, my askbox is open! Just be constructive, is all I ask. 

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 6

Rating: Explicit.

‼️TW: Reader is EIGHTEEN! Recreational drug use, smoking and alcohol consumption, deeply internalised self-loathing, very questionable moral standards. Daddy kink taken half-seriously. BDSM themes in later chapters - explicit content will come with it's own TWs. FIRST PERSON POV. There's non-explicit smut in this part!

Summary: You're Peter's classmate, a child of rich and famous but uncaring parents. Getting paired up for a lengthy project with the boy was an interesting turn of events and you don't know whether to feel blessed or cursed when you develop, seemingly, a perfectly normal, harmless crush on Tony Stark. Fueled by feelings of inadequacy and boredom, your life spirals out of control - and you're lucky your newfound friends are there to pick up the pieces even if you cannot find it in yourself to believe these amazing human (and not so human) beings voluntarily give you more than a fleeting glance and an offhanded thought. And they brought cake!

A/N: Remember that questionable morals remark? Yea, this chapter is the reason. Y/N, girl, you gotta stop... But at least it's kinda funny. Okay, it's pretty damn hilarious.

Beta read by the lovely and patient @miscmarvelwritings ! She is amazing. I larb her. 💙

"And then I was like 'No Way!' and he was like 'Totally' and that's how I met Tony Stark," I finished excitedly, opposite a laughing Mr. Davies. The story of how I met Iron Man was a total hit with the teacher and my vigorous mimicking of the facial expressions that described my feelings during the time had my teacher busting a gut something loud. 

"I honestly have some trouble believing that but - hey, what the hell, he's a billionaire superhero, it's basically expected for him to be a little strange," When his laughing fit was over, Mr. Davies reminded me he was, in fact, a psychology doctor. There was serious brain power under that easygoing attitude.

I expected detention to be bearable in his company but Mr. Davies rose above expectations, welcoming me with another cup of tea and some colouring pages. Admittedly, I contemplated stealing some - those mandalas were really captivating.

"Oh, he's strange alright, but nothing I can't handle," I twirled a pencil between my fingers. 

Mr. Davies grinned knowingly, too knowingly for my comfort, and I had no choice but to make a stone face before looking him in the eye. 

He smirked. "So, anything else interesting for you going on?" 

"Nah, not much. Really looking forward to being done with high school and going out into the bigger world, y'know."

"You turned 18 already, right?" I nodded in confirmation. "Maybe get a job, something part-time? OsCorp always hands these leaflets out, they're looking for lab assistants."

I wrinkled my nose. "I don't need a job. Plus, I'm sure Bruce-err, Doctor Banner would smash me if I went to work at OsCorp," I glossed over my slip-up, hoping Mr. Davies would do the same. But no such luck happened.

"Right. Me and Bruce, we actually go way back," He smiled, stirring his tea. I perked up in interest. "We studied psychology together, sat next to each other in half of our classes. It's a shame what happened to him but I hope he's happy now," Mr. Davies was smiling earnestly, looking out of the window where rain had started flowing down on the glass.

"Really? That's cool," I said, lacking anything else to add to his statement.

"He used to skip classes and always lost his glasses even though they'd be on top of his head," My teacher continued. "Banner was actually quite a rowdy student," He added with a smirk.

"Hah, he still routinely loses his glasses, although he wears them on a string around his neck now," I chuckled fondly. Bruce was such a dork.

I chatted with Mr. Davies some more, just casual conversation about everything and nothing in between. His parents were hippies, he had two moms and one dad and according to him, Thor was very overrated. I didn't even notice we were up in each other's space until our knees brushed when Mr. Davies - "Call me Will" - was showing me the pictures of his cats, dog and lizard. I figured that as the hippy child, personal space was kind of a foreign concept to him - and that rang true, I've seen Will give out more shoulder grabs and high fives than anyone else sans the gym teacher.

The clock's ding announced 6 PM and I quickly gathered my things, hastily saying goodbye. I was stopped though.

"If you don't mind a quick stop at my house, I can drop you off. It's pouring buckets outside and I would hate you to get sick," Will spoke casually. 

Technically, I knew he was bending some rules of conduct. But it was also 55° outside and the water coming from the sky was unlikely to be warm. So I caved without any guilty conscience, obediently following Mr. Davies -Will- to the parking lot where a new-ish Jeep Cherokee proudly stood amongst several older, less gently used cars. With New York city traffic being the way it is, I didn't text Bruce yet, fully expecting for the trip to take a whole hour if not more. 

Thankfully the parking gods were merciful and Will managed to find a spot right across his two-story townhouse. "You're welcome to come in if you feel comfortable, I just need to fetch some documents," He said.

And that's where I fucked up. I nodded affirmatively, I followed him through the door and made myself as comfortable as I could on his living room couch. It was a cozy home, his iguana chilled opposite me in it's terrarium and the little mutt that was his dog really reminded me of the atrocity that my parents used to own before they had me. It yipped and yapped, wagging it's bushy tail at me and demanding pets.

The steaming tea mug was dutifully placed in my hand by Will who hopped upstairs immediately after that, skipping steps. I watched the man with a benign stare: he'd removed his sweater and I could see the defined muscles of his back and the admirable backside that he possessed. There was no harm in looking respectfully, right?

I was halfway through my mug when Will came back down, brandishing a truly impressive stack of manila folders, setting it on a nearby table before sitting down on the other end of the couch, maintaining a respectful distance between us. We chatted some more and the more he spoke about his current research, the more passionate he became; by the end of his truly epic description of the effects that anti-depressants have on the learning process of depressed adolescents, I was mesmerized by the way his pink lips formed words.

Sitting with my calves tucked under my butt, leaning against the armrest , I was a goner. He caught my eye, diverting his own stare from my exposed legs to the side, blinking furiously. It calmed my spirits somewhat, knowing that I wasn't the only one affected by the sudden change of atmosphere in the room. My mug landed on the low table with a loud clang as I leaned forward, the sleeves of my sweater accidentally brushing against his leg.

Will cleared his throat and I startled, tilting my head up towards him in confusion. He was staring at me with a mix of fear and delight in his eyes, like a boy preparing for his first kiss. I would have laughed at the absurdity of the situation if the darkness in his stormy grey eyes didn't make my own breath do somersaults somewhere between my lungs and my esophagus.

Fifteen minutes later, both my sweater and my panties were thrown somewhere in the furthest end of the room and those thin lips were making me see stars. For some reason he was convinced I'd had only typical teenage disappointing sex up to this point and was really eager to show me what a grown man can do. I mean, I wasn't complaining, he was really, really good with his mouth - but I didn't have all night, so I flipped the tables and showed off my own oral skills until he had to bodily remove me from his dick and lift me onto it. Every movement felt surreal, like I was living in a dream. Despite my common sense yelling expletives at me, I kissed Will back with twice the heat and none of the finesse, each of us reaching the peak nearly in sync.

"Can I get that ride to the tower now?"

Will let out a decidedly unmanly squeak when he realised where exactly he'd be taking me after we did what we'd done. I smiled at him in hopes of calming down the man but it seemed it came out more predatory. He shivered, his dick twitching within me.

I texted Bruce the same time I was getting into Will's car. My brain was still somewhat in a state of shock and I used the brief moment to tidy up my hair and makeup, taking note of my sex-flushed face. I only hoped I didn't stink like man-sweat and Will's cologne. 

Another realization was startled out of me: that was my first time having had sex without a condom. I was on birth control since I was fourteen so pregnancy wasn't a scare; currently, I was more worried about the mildly uncomfortable, wet feeling in my panties where my teacher's cum had pooled out.

Yikes. That moment Will took a careful monitoring of my facial expression and it took me a lot to keep it somewhere between neutral and happy. Internally, I was freaking the fuck out, torn between horror and incredible arousal.

It morphed into full fledged mortification when I saw Bruce's lab coat from afar, the man standing next to the entrance door. Having had a dumb moment, I texted Banner that a former schoolmate of his was the one giving me a ride and it really shouldn't have been a surprise that Bruce would go downstairs to greet Will.

'Fuck you, you dumbass,' was my approximate train of thought, directed at myself, when all three of us gathered, hiding from the cold rain and the autumn wind under the safety of the roof. Both men shared a brief, warm embrace before Bruce's arm snaked around my waist.

"You go upstairs, okay? I don't want you to get sick," Banner said, eyeing the disastrous weather.

I looked at Will, finding his eyebrow cocked at Bruce's frivolous gesture and a faint flush blossoming on his face. The man shuffled awkwardly, giving me a small wave and a tight-lipped smile before turning his attention back to Bruce. I wished him good night, hastily retreating into the safety of the elevator.

"What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fu-u-uck..." I chanted under my breath, acutely aware of the blossoming bruises on my hips where my teacher held me, the dampness of my underwear. 

The elevator doors opened, revealing the common room couch being occupied by Wanda. Peter, Wanda's brother and the two resident super soldiers setting the table for dinner. Tony was off bickering with Loki and Strange by the coffee maker and Thor was standing outside on the patio, doing something very strange with his hands and his hammer. Was he summoning the shitty weather?! The audacity!

"Hey," Wanda greeted me quietly. Her eyebrows raised upon seeing my face full of perplexed confusion. "You okay?.. Wait, what? Tell me you did not!" As my internal crisis reached its peak, I remembered that a) Wanda is a telepath and b) There were other people in the room.

One ungraceful landing next to her later, I turned my bleary stare onto her. "Oops?" I offered in the way of explanation. What was I supposed to say if I didn't know for myself what the devil possessed me to fuck my social studies teacher after school? He was fucking hot, okay.

The witch smirked, obviously following my defensive internal monologue. "Oops?" Her tone was laced with gleeful sarcasm.

"I'm a human disaster," I groaned, finally caving in and palming my face. Wanda began snickering. "I have zero impulse control," I continued wallowing in self-pity. The redhead just cackled harder.

"I feel so attacked right now," Tony's voice loudly announced the man's presence. I was thankful for the distraction, happy that today, out of all the days, he decided to make the situation about himself. "I am the resident hot mess and nothing you do will change that. Or get out of my tower," He made a dramatic gesture, waving along everybody to the table.

At the dinner table, with Peter on one side of me and Bruce on the other, Wanda's speech was clear. "I think you two are about on the same level, Tony," Her tone was dry. The looks she cast me were cheeky at best and downright gleeful at worst. Not only was she the resident telepath but also, apparently, a huge drama fan.

I, on the other hand, felt like a fish thrown out of water. My mind was still jumping between astounded and horrified like a rabid rabbit and Bruce's excited remark about seeing a former schoolmate only worsened the anxiety. My brain was telling me EVERYBODY knew EVERYTHING whereas in reality, it was only Wanda and it didn't seem like she was upset enough to give up my dirty little secret. If anything, the witch seemed almost impressed. And that dry, mildly interested facial expression only solidified when she put two and two together: my teacher, whom I fucked, also known as Bruce's former study buddy.

"I have some spare sweatpants that might fit you," Wanda directly addressed me as we were finishing up the wonderful chicken roast courtesy of Clint and Bucky. Nobody batted an eye at the sudden exclamation, evidently used to being around someone who could hear their thoughts. 

I nodded, mentally waving a big, red thank you note. With sparkles. And hearts. Wanda chuckled.

"Hey, did you change your perfume?" Peter's innocent remark made me nearly freeze in my spot. 

Kill Bill sirens started playing in my head on repeat as I heard Wanda choke on her asparagus, inadvertently drawing attention to the three of us. Peter looked at us in confusion: Wanda kept on gasping, but it seemed like the dam had finally burst and she was laughing in earnest, snorting, loudly, as I engaged my willpower to stop myself from doing the same. Needless to say, it was a spectacular failure and now both of us were bent over our dinner plates, absolutely losing it - much to the concern of the adults present at the table. The rest of the team was growing concerned.

"Oh my god, your FACE!" Wanda's incoherent mumbling and the accusing finger pointed in my direction did it.

"A lady doesn't... kiss... and tell...." I fervently gulped the oxygen as I tried to articulate my thoughts into something comprehendible. The hysterical laughter won by a wide margin.

"Who's the lucky guy?" Natasha seemed to get the gist, relaxing immediately and picking up her fork to continue her meal. 

I shook my head, unable to form a coherent thought, much less a sentence. Bruce chuckled from somewhere beside me and just like that, the tension broke. The adults in the room traded knowing looks, chuckling and snorting amongst themselves. 

The moments I needed to calm down went to waste really quick: my first laughing fit over, I took one look at Wanda and yet again, both of us were puffing out our cheeks to try and prevent another hysterical fit. 

"Whew," I exaggerated, eyes wide and looking ANYWHERE but at Wanda.

"What a wild ride," She snorted and I put a palm over my face, shaking my head in... 

Disappointment at myself? I wasn't disappointed. Now that I got over the WTF factor, I found the situation to be pretty damn hot. Will was hot. Eh, whatever. 

My casual mood of zero-fucks-given began returning. After few of the last bites of potatoes, I was prepared to face  Natasha. I looked the Black Widow dead in the eye as I firmly stated: "And for the record? We are NOT having this conversation."

She elegantly arched her eyebrow whilst everybody else held their breath. "That bad, huh?" The retort was immediate.

I allowed myself to radiate a bit of that newly acquired smugness I had begun to feel: "You have no idea," I hoped my smirk was as devious as I wished it to be.

"Alright, heartbreaker, colour me impressed," Natasha nodded in affirmation. We shared another meaningful look and reverted back to our plates with the menfolk observing us akin animals at a zoo. 

Somewhat amazed, slightly afraid. Bruce's stare was somewhat concerned, too: he contemplatively eyed me from the corner of his eye, the same way I eyed him, checking out the fact that he appeared somewhat annoyed. Like a proper father would, I suppose. 

Luckily for me, I finished off the remaining food and drink quickly, with Wanda being my saviour once again as she all but bodily dragged me into the elevator, promising to return me to the science den in no more than an hour. Tony went to complain but was promptly stopped by Natasha inconspicuously reaching for the butter knife: the engineer knew how to pick his battles. I didn't doubt that Romanoff was going to hear "all about it" second-hand from Wanda and I was fully prepared to face the redhead spy's judgement. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, escaped that clever woman.

A quick shower and a change of clothes later, I sat on Wanda's couch, nervously fiddling with the two sizes too big sweatpants, occasionally stopping to straighten the plain white tank top that just barely fit me. I washed my hair but didn't  dry it before Wanda was impatiently telling me to hurry up: the mess sat atop my head held up by a single scrunchie.

"Okay... Where do I start?" She asked me, looking like the cat that ate the canary. 

"Don't start," I stopped her with a raised palm. "It was a casual, one-time thing and I've no interest in pursuing that shit on the reg," I answered honestly. The fact that he was my teacher simultaneously worsened the situation and made me elated. But ultimately, I didn't want to risk the trouble that would come along with this mess. Besides, I had no feelings for the guy whatsoever. As I've said previously, it was just bad impulse control on some teenage hormone steroids.

"You're a strange one," Wanda's penetrating gaze made me shiver. "You live without a care in the world but at the same time, your mind is always all over the place. It is interesting."

"Uh, thanks? I guess?"

"I think we should try being friends," The witch remarked after a brief moment of awkward silence. I stared at her, dumbfounded. "Because of my powers, I can literally see through people and predict what they will do before they even think about doing it. With you, it's not like that," She explained, her Slavic accent making a full guest appearance.

"So...you want to be friends because I'm a fucking mess?" I couldn't help but feel a little offended. The occasional shitty decision aside, I didn't think of myself as that bad.

"I want to be friends because I like you," Wanda fondly rolled her eyes, standing up from the couch and motioning for me to follow. "Now let's get you to Tony or he'll blow a gasket. He's already insufferable as he is."

@another-stark-sub @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit @littlegasps @pilloclock @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads @hermione-grangers-wife @individualistfem

[koala-otter]

park ranger zukka au

this idea comes from the lovely @s-sokka from the zukka discord!! 

features zuko as a park ranger, sokka as a pro-biker (it’s so late, I wrote so much, please excuse this summary)

2.7k words (remember when I said 1k max?? hahahaha)

Zuko had finally reached week three of his tenure as a summer ranger. Only seven more weeks, and he would finally be able to leave behind the Hei Bai Nature Reserve and all of its crazy nature lovers. When his uncle Iroh practically forced him to take the position—explaining that if Zuko refused to work at the tea shop for the summer, he still had to work somewhere, and better yet if he could do it immersed in the meditative balm that was the outdoors—Zuko thought the worst he could encounter was the humming mosquitoes, and maybe the occasional murder hornet. But he was wrong. It was the people. 

There were the little kids who dropped their snack wrappers in the parking lot, and their parents who covered them in noxious insect repellants, and the teenagers who carved their initials into trees. But those weren’t even so bad, because after patiently explaining the downsides of littering, the park’s tiny visitors usually nodded solemnly and picked up their trash, and the fumes of such sprays usually dissipated quickly, and when they had the rules explained to them, the teenagers usually had the decency to be apologetic. 

The worst, by far, was a young man named Sokka. Zuko had seen him plenty of times before, visiting the park with his friends, back before Zuko had known his name. Sokka usually hung out with a young, bald man with tattoos, and two young women, one whose resemblance to Sokka revealed her to likely be his sister, and another one who berated him while holding his hand tightly as they entered the trail. Zuko had thought nothing of him at first as he seemed like just another avid hiker, but all that had changed on his fourth day as a ranger, when he had seen Sokka for the first time on his own. 

Zuko was doing his ranger thing, checking on the different trails in the couple of hours before the park’s closing, when a blue blur sped past him on a mountain bike. Zuko stared after the figure for a few seconds before coming to his senses and chasing after him. 

“Hey! You can’t ride that thing here!” 

The bike stopped ahead of him, and the figure hopped off and took off its helmet to reveal a wolftail and two bright blue eyes looking directly back at him. Zuko tried to ignore the heat building in his face as he finally got to see Sokka’s perfect features and defined muscles up close. 

“Hey, sorry, man, but the terrain’s just perfect for my practice,” Sokka explained, tossing his helmet on the handlebars.

“There are bike paths for a reason,” Zuko said coolly. He reached into the pocket of his cargo shorts and pulled out a pad of paper. “I have to issue you a warning.”

“What?” Sokka said, pulling on his handlebars. “I’ll just go.”

Zuko exhaled in frustration as he scribbled on the pad. “It’s just policy, okay? I don’t want to do it, but I have to. What’s your name?”

At this question, a smug grin filled Sokka’s lips, and he shrugged. “The name’s Sokka,” he said. He waited expectantly for Zuko’s reaction.

Zuko stared at Sokka staring at him. “Okay.” He glanced down at the paper in his hands as he wrote it out, and then looked up to find Sokka still grinning at him expectantly. “Uh, sorry, was I supposed to know that?” He watched as Sokka’s face fell. “Do you work here, too, or something?” he asked in a panic. “Look, it’s only my first week, and I—”

“It’s not that, it’s just—” Sokka sighed and looked up at him despondently. Zuko thought there might even have been a tear in his right eye. “Do you really not know who I am?”

“I—no? Are you famous or something?”

“The pro-biker! Sokka! I won the Omashu tour!”

Zuko turned sheepish as he ripped the paper out of the pad and held it out to Sokka. “Oh, um, sorry. I don’t really follow sports.”

Sokka turned even sadder as he took the paper from Zuko. “That’s okay...Zuko?” he asked, reading his name off of the paper.

Zuko nodded, feeling vaguely regretful for some reason.  Sokka smiled sadly back at him.

“Maybe to make it up to me, though,” Sokka said, waving the warning in the air. “We could forget about all of this?” 

“What?” Zuko asked.

“You know, you could take back the warning,” Sokka continued, starting to hand it back to Zuko. “This never happened, that kind of thing.” He gave Zuko a hopeful grin.

Zuko’s expression hardened, now angry at the thought that he might have been duped. “No!” he barked. 

“Well, fine!” Sokka said, putting on his helmet and pulling his bike toward him by the handlebars again. “I’ll just go then.”

“Yeah, do that,” Zuko replied hotly. He watched as Sokka started to rise onto his bike, and stepped forward to block the path. He pointed to the sign nearby on the trail that read, “Leave only footprints. Take only pictures.” 

“And off the bike,” Zuko almost growled. 

“Fine, jeez,” Sokka said, hopping off once more. He began walking down the path in the opposite direction, away from Zuko, and stuck his tongue out at him. 

As Sokka pushed his bike away, and Zuko continued down the trail, he thought he might never see the other man again in his life. He sighed at the tire tracks in the wet earth of the trail. Never having to deal with them again left him greatly relieved. But, he had to admit, the sight of Sokka’s sad, blue eyes had left a series of knots in his stomach that would take a while to untangle. 

Then the next day came, and the appearance of Sokka nonchalantly fishing off the boat launch quickly proved Zuko wrong. As did every day afterward, as Sokka made appearance after appearance at the park, breaking nearly every rule there was in the park ranger handbook. Zuko turned corners on trails to find Sokka hand-feeding squirrels—“Snack for you, too, jerk?” Sokka would ask, while Zuko would point to another sign instructing hikers not to feed wildlife—or sat in the booth checking in visitors only to suddenly spy Sokka walking toward him with bunches of wildflowers in his hand—“For you, Zuko, even though you wanted to get me in trouble,” said Sokka, brandishing the bouquet in front of him, and Zuko answered, “You’re not supposed to pick the flowers, Sokka, just look at them,” and then took them and put them in a vase because he wasn’t about to waste them—and the number of warnings Zuko had had to issue Sokka in just a week and a half was unprecedented. 

“Is there a limit to these? I mean, is there a point where he gets kicked out?” Zuko had to ask Jeong Jeong, his supervisor, in the middle of his second week.

“I don’t know,” Jeong Jeong replied, in awe at the number of carbon copies of warnings Zuko had dropped on his desk. “We have never had to issue more than one to any individual visitor.” He picked up one for attempted overnight camping without a permit. “Have you spoken to him about the negative consequences of his actions?”

“Of course I talked to him,” Zuko replied loudly, clearly offended.

“Then try talking to him again!” Jeong Jeong practically roared.

Zuko started hiding the warnings.

But Zuko did talk to Sokka, and often. The time Sokka came to the trail with a lemur on his shoulder, and Zuko insisted the animal had to be on a leash to go on the trail—“He’s not a pet, he’s my friend, and he wants to take a walk!” Sokka replied indignantly—they settled for sitting in the booth and tossing nuts in the air for Momo to catch. Sokka almost got away without a warning that day, but when he laughed at Momo’s flying leap for a macadamia and said, “Hey, he likes them even more than the squirrels do,” Zuko had to write another one out. From the smile on Sokka’s face, though, it looked like he understood it as a joke.

Now he was on week three, though, and Zuko had a brand-new pen and pad for warnings, and the tire tracks on the trail had finally been washed away with a passing storm. He felt he could take anything Sokka threw at him this week, maybe even without shaky hands and the feeling that his heart was jumping into his throat each time he approached the other man.

Static sounded from Zuko’s walkie-talkie, and Zuko brought it to his good ear in time to hear someone on the other end.

“Hey, uh, I got a kid who fell out of a tree over here somewhere,” the ranger on the trail said haltingly.

Zuko pressed the transmit button and brought the walkie-talkie to his mouth. “Copy, this is Zuko from the central booth. What trail? Over.”

“Oh, hey, Zuko! It’s me, Chey,” came the response.

Zuko sighed before pressing the button again. “Chey, about the guy who fell out of the tree: what trail? Do we need an ambulance? Over.” 

There was a long line of static before Chey’s voice came back. “I don’t think so,” he said slowly. “I mean, the guy said no, and he looks pretty all right to me. He’s asking for you to come get him.” The static returned once more before clearing abruptly. “Oh, and he says his name is Sokka. Do you two know each other?”

Zuko set down the walkie-talkie and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Copy,” he finally said when he picked the walkie-talkie back up, “I’ll go for him, and you come back and man the booth. And Chey?” 

“Yeah?”

“For the last time, what trail?”

Zuko found himself running down the Panda Lily trail, the first aid kit bouncing at his side as he nearly tripped over the laces of his hiking boots and barely avoided the mud puddles that threatened to suck him in. He passed so many trees, from rhododendron trees to birches and redwoods and everything in between, but none of them had dropped Sokka from their branches, so Zuko kept going. He reached a fork in the trail and stopped abruptly at the tree between the diverting roads, and scanned it for any signs. There were none. He stepped back. 

“Sokka?” he yelled, his voice hoarse as he cupped his mouth with his hands. “Sokka, where are you?”

A beat passed, and then, from far away, he heard, “Zuko!”

Zuko took off down the road on the right, and finally, he spotted Sokka in the distance, leaning against the trunk of a banyan tree. His right leg was bent, and he leaned on it with his elbow, but the other was out in front of him at an odd angle, seemingly useless. He greeted Zuko with a strained grin.

“My knight in shining armor,” said Sokka.

“Ugh, I definitely should have called an ambulance,” Zuko replied. He knelt down gingerly next to Sokka and laid out the first aid kit. 

“Nah,” Sokka said with a shrug, his hand out in a dismissive gesture, “this is nothing.”

Zuko stared at Sokka with a rigid expression on his face, his mouth a tight line.

“Really!” Sokka insisted. “It’s just a sprain. I hurt it a couple months ago, and I’ve been recovering, but I aggravated it.”

“So that’s how you have you all this time to bother me,” Zuko said, gingerly pulling Sokka’s leg straight in front of him. “You’ve been recovering.”

“Well,” Sokka said sheepishly, “I technically do still have practices I should be going to. But it’s more fun to come here and see you.”

Zuko looked up at him sharply, his cheeks flushed, and accidentally jostled Sokka’s leg. Sokka hissed sharply, and Zuko blanched and moved quickly to grab the first aid kit.

“Sorry,” he said quietly.

“S’okay,” Sokka replied, watching his hands unravel a bandage. “It’s my fault for getting hurt in the first place.”

Zuko laughed, low and a little husky. “Yeah, it kind of is.” 

He wrapped the bandage around Sokka’s knee tightly, watching his expression for more pain. Sokka stayed relatively placid, only wincing once, and his mouth usually quirked up in a crooked smile. 

“Why would you climb a tree?” Zuko asked after a while. “That’s like rule number three on the trailhead sign.”

“What can I say?” Sokka said cavalierly. “I’m a rebel.”

Zuko let out a quick, disbelieving laugh. “Right.”

“Hey, you said it yourself! I break all the rules.”

“Yeah,” Zuko said, pinning the bandage in place, “and it’d be great if you stopped. Even my boss has no idea what to do with all of the warnings I’ve been giving you.”

Sokka considered him for a moment. “I’ll stop if you agree to go out with me,” he finally said. 

Zuko dropped a hand to the leaf-littered ground to keep himself from falling over. “What?”

“The tree-climbing? The rule-breaking? I’ve been trying to get your attention this whole time,” Sokka said with a widening grin. 

“My attention?” Zuko asked. His brow furrowed in confusion. “Why?”

“Because I like you,” Sokka replied matter-of-factly.

Zuko shook his head. “But what about the bike thing?” he almost demanded. “You couldn’t have liked me then.”

Sokka tilted his head thoughtfully, bringing one of his hands up to brush his chin. “I will admit,” he said, “although I thought you were attractive, I didn’t like you during the bike thing. But I grew to like you over time.” 

“Over time?” Zuko repeated, crossing his arms.

“C’mon,” Sokka said, poking him on the arm. “Don’t you like me, too?”

Zuko dropped his arms and looked back at the muddy trail. “Yeah, I do.”

Sokka smiled at him hopefully, “So go out with me?” 

Zuko looked back at him, now smiling lightly. “Or else?”

“Or else I’m going to keep climbing the trees.”

“And?”

“Fishing off the boat launch.”

Zuko sighed. “And I can’t trust you to stop there, can I?”

Sokka grinned. “The squirrels aren’t going to feed themselves.”

“Actually, they are, that’s why—” Zuko stopped and sighed. “Okay, yes, I’ll go out with you.”

“Really?” Sokka practically squealed. 

“Yeah,” Zuko said, smiling back at him.

Sokka practically lunged toward Zuko, reaching for his face, but managed to jam his leg into Zuko’s all over again. All at once, his eyes shot wide open, and his head fell back, and Zuko had to catch his arm to keep him from falling over, a low moan of pain twisting from his mouth.

“Sokka!”

“Yep, definitely just a sprain,” Sokka said once he had come back around. He gritted his teeth. “Barely hurts at all.”

Zuko rolled his eyes. “We need to get you to the booth,” he said, reaching for Sokka’s other hand as he pulled his arm over his shoulders to help him up. 

“But you promised you’d go out with me,” Sokka whined.

A small smile brightened Zuko’s face, and a new joy glowed from his eyes. “Yeah, I will,” he said, and before Sokka could make some smart-aleck reply, Zuko leaned toward him, tilting his head slightly at the odd angle from being side-by-side, and kissed Sokka. Even with his injured leg, Sokka came to life beneath him, raising his free hand to cup Zuko’s jaw and brush back the hair falling into his face with his fingers. Birds sang from the tree canopy above them, the leaves shuffled quietly in the shifting wind, and the warmth of dappled sunlight fell across their entangled bodies. If Zuko had not been bearing half the weight of a very heavy and very injured young man, it might have been a perfect kiss. Or maybe that was what made it one.

“All right,” Zuko said when they finally pulled apart. “We should really go.”

“Where are we going again?” Sokka asked, now dazed.

“To the booth.” Zuko helped Sokka hop along beside him. 

Sokka nodded, trying desperately to keep his weight on his uninjured leg. “And then we can go out?”

Zuko smiled, and looked further down the trail. “Yeah, then we can go out.”