#hey mr coyle

[bunglehead]

I don’t need to explain this one.

[babygirlspurgeon]

top 5 wild players :) (since i'm asking everyone apparently lmao)

OKAY only the first answer is in any order bc *gestures vaguely*

spurge - my ultimate babygirl

flower - I got into hockey during his last year with the pens and the fondness I have for him has never wavered and sometimes I still can’t believe he plays for the wild now

fabes - how quickly he has captured my heart mr ******** ****

moose - idk every time i see him my brain pings with a "hey i love that guy" ya know?

kirill - obviously.

honorable mention to charlie coyle and jason zucker u r forever wild players in my heart #zoyleforever

[thatonesquintern13]

episode five - long time gone:

• ooh ✨elixirs✨

• - 1814 -

• suzanna and katherine. just hanging out with the basement….. in the candle light… with soft music playing… okayyyy

• “you should be out in the fields” woah hey now let’s not get crazy. kat is a liberal arts girlie she is not meant for the fields

• yeah you don’t ONLY have william 🤧💪🏽

• pete’a the horse is he’a…. not the colton horse but a 1814 horse

• oh! why is katherine going to the pantry…

• (should i call 1814 kat katherine for organizational purposes??? will try it out during this ep)

• cyrus goodwin 😧

• just came by to ask ominous questions about jacob and accuse suzanna of witchcraft 😪

• the landrys/augustines do NOT like cyrus!!

• katherine and suzanna walking arm in arm through the woods 🤭 kicking my feet twirling my hair

• but anyways. “knowledge is power to cyrus”

• - 2001 -

• LOL baby elliot got a cell phone!!!

• he can call! and text! and play snake!

• oooh baby elliot house sits at lingermore!

• (- oh sorry it’s summer 2002 -)

• founder’s day!

• aww baby elliot misses kat ): and now founders day really sucks

• wait the suzanna/katherine to baby elliot/alice invisible string!!! bestieism!!! 🫶🏽

• - 1814 -

• “maybe the next time we meet jacob will be home” i doubt it but

• “the pond will always take you where you need to go” suzanna said the thing! that’s pretty much the augustine family motto isn’t it

• katzanna hug!!!

• someone’s in the pond????? bathing????

• coyle!? 😳

• “unless of course you want to join me, the water’s lovely” “in your dreams, buddy” you tell em katherine 😤

• she keeps using modern phrases like “hurry it up” and “buddy” she’s gonna get caught!!

• oh coyle knows about katherine being jacob’s long lost sister 😳

• “[secrets] don’t exist in port haven”

• oh so now jacob just has friends?? likely story

• now why is he threatening to make katherine disappear!!

• “i already know what you are, mr. coyle. you’re a liar and thief”

• why am i gasping i already knew that

• also i know why i know that but how does katherine know that 🤔 (suzanna)

• i thought jacob was just on a normal trip into war. now he needs to be gotten back??? confused.

• COYLE IS THOMAS THAT SHOT KATHERINE ??? hold on hold on

• “i could’ve just left you floating face down in the pond” YOU PUT HER THERE

• not her absurdly wet and heavy body 😭😭😭 dude she was dying

• noooo he is NOT THE PAINTER

• god i didn’t wan - WAIT “MY KATHERINE”!?!?!??! NOOOO

• okay back to that thought. i didn’t want to bring the silly football show into this but coyle was giving me b**tm*n vibes and ugh this just made me have the same reaction as the a*rp*rt scene. SICK🤢

• dawg why did he call her that he doesn’t even KNOW HER

• i don’t even wanna unpause rn. i’m having war flashbacks

• - present day -

• rita!!

• ofc this year’s founders day theme is the 1800s 🤪

• we love scamming a tourist so true

• LMAO a giant ‘ask me about my family’ button 😂

• sam bishop fuckboi confirmed GET A JOB STAY AWAY FROM DELL

• poor elliot he absolutely despises founders day ): can’t wait for the depressing backstory as to why

• the herald!

• kacey is like ‘um yeah you haven’t been here to do your job in a while….’

• “that scary red headed lady who runs founder’s day accosted me” LMAO RITA leave the child out of this 😭 they just got here

• BIG RED kacey i love you

• *cue the bring it on quotes*

• kat is like ‘hey i don’t know how to tell you this but your ancestors suuuucked. good luck with the journey tho’

• oh look it’s elliot’s depressing founders day back story.

• ah ofc. his dad’s obsession with being a founding family. but to be fair, it does seem like the augustines aren’t getting the credit they deserve. probably something to do with cyrus goodwin 🤨

• “who is giving you these ominous messages” no literally why did they talk like that in 1814

• finn!!! (🫵🏽)

• “how was your trip?” “it was boring - you weren’t even there” 🥺

• elliot!? at dinner?!

• “what is elliot doing here?” “iiii invited him ☺️” SHE’S PARENT TRAPPING!!!

• “monica roped me into [decorating the gazebo]” she asked to do it! she’s literally parent trapping kat and elliot

• and they both get so cheesyyyyy

• kat just going on and on about suzanna to elliot 🤭

• oh yeah the lingermore incident! i forgot!!!

• a lot of WE being thrown around on this close quarters porch swing tonight

• “i’m still waiting to find out why the pond thought taking jacob to the 1800s was a good idea” no fr

• jacob missing from the ship manifests too? they weren’t kidding when they said you could disappear

• “who’s thomas coyle?” “no one.” does it feel like cheating to tell elliot about coyle, kat? hmm?? 👀

• COLTON FLASHBACK 🥹

• “you are a landry, all on your own, delly” 🥺🥺🥺🥺

• “my grandmother left some freaky stuff.” no hello or nothing

• “you know people where actually shot in the town square for treason?” unfortunately she does 😪

• okay i need to research the war again fr bc which side do we want to be on,???

• and jacob working for cyrus?? interesting

• the british really said ‘thank you for the boats! you may reek havoc on anyone. as a treat:)”

• kacey going through an existential crisis over their great great ancestors /:

• but kat’s gonna pull them out of it. like she’s their mom fr 😭

• KACEY KAT SELFIE 🥹🥹

• the PEACE SIGN

• oh god cool kid is back at the coffee shop

• lolllllll the parent trapping continues “if el wants me there, i’m in.” 🤭

• monica is IN on the parent trapping

• okay but like where did cool kid come from. he’s so suspicious

• elliot on coyle search - having dad flashbacks again ):

• (can not get over how good the casting for this show is)

• ooh thomas coyle in the log book!

• gazebo time!!

• katelliot incoming 🤧

• “thank you for volunteering to help” “wait… didn’t you volunteer and needed help?” you fell for the oldest trick in the book 🤭🤭

• THE LIGHTS UUGGHH 😭🥺

• the symbolism 🤌🏽

• oh cool guy!

• (yall i think something got spoiled for me earlier and if it did… im SHOOK)

• anyways.

• nepo baby fish and chips

• gotta agree cool guy, mustard and fish and chips??? disgusting.

• nepo baby hates his nepo job ):

• and apparently has a swimming scholarship lined up! okay katie ledecky!

• oooh he doesn’t have a scholarship lined up. rip.

• “well, here’s the thing about being told you’re awesome all through small-town high school. it’s a small-town high school.” I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE SEEN, COOL GUY

• SMALL-TOWN GIFTED KID BURNOUT REPRESENTATION MATTERS ‼️

• (okay actually there’s no way i was spoiled earlier bc it wouldn’t make sense) ((but i guess we’ll see??))

• dell on a solo date so true

• and OFC here comes the horse guy 🙄

• GET A JOB STAY AWAY FROM HER

• WITH RITA!? oh lord

• “good evening, dell” “a very good evening it seems..” akdhahsk

• big red, please have some dignity 😪

• kat and elliot at the founders’ day sound check just like old times 🥹

• “just like old times isn’t it?” “yeah. i mean, who needs a pond?” 🥹🥹

• KATELLIOT DANCE WE ARE SO BACK

• “kid elliot never asked me to dance” so validating for me, who has been calling him baby elliot this whole time

• ELLIOT AUGUSTINE I WAS NOT FAMILIAR WITH YOUR GAME 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

• “what are we doing, el?” “i don’t know. i just want to live in it, though” PLEEEASE

• “well, apparently suzanna’s not the augustine that can cast a spell” 👀

• playing both katelliot and katzanna so i always come out on top

• “sore-ry” CANADIAN 🫵🏽

• “does suzanna know you’re a time traveler?” “…yeah.” DOES IT FEEL LIKE CHEATING KATHERINE 🤨👀

• nooo don’t pull away elliot 😭

• stop the way she chases him 🥺

• sorry the band just sound checking in the background of this argument is kinda funny. bc what do they have to do with it 😭😂

• “even when i tried to keep you out of it, you came to me” EXACTLY!!! HE’S SO WISHY WASHY ABOUT IT

• “you hide behind your talk of rules, and the pond having its reasons, but you have never lived it” OOF

• (also sidebar - chyler is talking with her hands and doing a 👉🏽 and it reminds me of greys when lexi tells meredith that they both do that when they talk)

• i have stopped this argument twice in the same spot on accident but also bc i don’t wike it 🥺

• alshagdksh kat not the family insecurities!!! he has TRAUMA !!!!!!

• oof “i found thomas coyle, whoever he is. tell jacob i said hi” ELLIOT PLEASE

• its joever 😪

• and the song as elliot walks away saying ‘tell me how to love you again” HELLO????

• i absolutely love the script writers for this show. they can write a katelliot argument

• “jacob’s coming home” okay 🥹

• “and i really should be there for elliot’s speech, too. even though he and i are not on the best terms right now.” “so my plan backfired, guess?” “why was there a plan in the first place?” BC YALL LOVE EACH OTHERRRR

• “i want a purpose, mom!” idk alice, maybe you should have gone to the states for the summer 🤧 jk i get you girl. everyone’s having fun in the pond but you

• COLTONNNN

• i love when dell talks to ghost colton

• “how can i call myself a landry when my landry is gone?” OUCH

• dell, colton could never not be proud of you. even in death.

• never getting over colton and alice meeting in ‘99 and just. fitting. alice is everything colton loved in dell and everything dell loved in colton. it’s beautiful.

• the giant ‘ask me about my family’ buttons are still killing meee

• “it’s okay to chose 1814 over us today”

• okay that one look makes me think maybe the spoiler i saw was a spoiler…. lolll i don’t know! guess i’ll find out here in a bit

• should it not be Founders’ Day? not Founder’s Day? bc there was more than one founder…. idk

• ‘kiddo’ 🥹

• “i thought you’d be booking it to the pond by now” elliot can you say thank you for being here without being passive aggressive

• and now look. she’s leaving. shoulda thought about that

• - 1814 -

• THE BAG OF CLOTHES FROM SUZANNA JUST LIKE ELLIOT AND ALICE !!!!

• katherine is just going to let EVERYONE in 1814 know that she’s a time traveler

• “you already knew so much i just assumed that question was rhetorical” okay he ate her up with that one

• “why are you looking at me like that?” “you did something good” fine 🙄 coyle’s alright 🙄

• KATHERINE stop telling people things that are going to happen before they happennnn they are going to call the church

• - present day -

• sorry elliot but it’s not hard being the towns most beloved augustine when you’re the only one. and the last one was victor…

• baby elliot flashback ):

• - 1999 -

• oh god victor’s gonna ruin this

• i mean i guess victor has a point 🫣 but what did he want the citizens of 1999 to do?? give him their homes??? build him a mansion on a hill??

• - present day -

• “we were builders like the goodwins. we weren’t farmers like the landrys. we… observed.” and you had spells! (which makes me nervous for suzanna’s fate)

• the sad irony of victor wanting credit for his family while baby elliot was quite literally observing and documenting a moment in port haven history in the landry’s club house. his legacy was right in front of him the whole time

• keep forgetting that victor augustine is still alive and in mexico.

• lord take all of colton landrys death and give it to victor augustine

• “this name; i know it was a burden for some. but being an augustine is not a shadow, it’s a light.” 🥺🥺

• “because being an augustine, yes it’s a responsibility, but more than that… it’s an honor.”

• elliot: 1, childhood trauma: 0

• alice has to go back to be there for baby elliot!! the same way she was for baby kat!!!

• but now that leaves NO OTHER LANDRYS for dells speech 😭😭😭

• - brief flash into 1814 to show us katherine has arrived on the landry farm -

• - present day -

• why is dell the one signing the augustine founders book

• sam 🙄

• “i’d like to ask about you if that’s alright.” “what do you wanna know?” “are you alright? sorry was that too much?” “no, no. it’s just that… nobody’s asked me that in a while” nobody’s asked me a question in 45 min- what do you do? / how you holding up? IM GONNA BE SICK

• dell is tired! being a matriarch in a small town is EXHAUSTING

• one thing about dell she going to call out your privilege and ignorance lolll

• “you wanna get out of here?” WHO on this staff watched the football show i wanna talk.

• DELL! HOLD YOUR GROUND! DON’T FALL FOR HIS SCHEMES (being nice)

• - 2002 -

• oh no alice is meeting victor

• “i met your friend. well done, son. looks like you’re an augustine after all” SHUT UPPPP god

• also that’s literally his step daughter ✋🏽

• “that’s the one where she’s texting on excel right?” LMAO

• baby elliot highkey made the right decision not telling kat, bc even though he shouldn’t have had to go through that alone, she defo would’ve pitied him. and made it about her somehow idk

• she’s grown now though so maybe now he can tell her

• - 1814 -

• dang they really got katherine out in these fields

• oh. hello??? she’s hit something???

• is there a dead body here

• WAIT

• 2000 JACOB’S CLOTHES????

• AND JACOB (the man) IS HOME

• imagine you’re in 1814 and a kid shows up wearing red converse all stars. like in real life they probably would’ve just killed him right

• - present day -

• sam jumpscare

• “is this where you bring all your girls?” that’s right don’t forget who he is

• “just how many girls do you think there are, dell?” you literally were on a date with her best friend like two nights ago i-

• “well, the way i see it, you gotta dip your toe in the water before you swim” 😒

• woah woah woah

• what’s happening put your clothes back on no one is getting in the cold ass water rn especially not with you!!!

• “what in heaven’s name are you doing?” exactly dell

• “put your clothes back on” EXACTLY DELL

• there is a man in his underwear on the hallmark channel. the woke media has gone too far

• DELL. PUT THAT JACKET BACK ON

• oh god we’re losing her

• THERE IS AN ANDI MACDOWELL IN HER BRA ON THE HALLMARK CHANNEL

• AYE YO

• she’s gonna catch a cold 😪

• - 1814 -

• are we about to meet jacob for real for real

• i’m so nervous???

• ahhhhhhhh

• IS THAT HIM I CANT TELL

• JACOB UNDER ARREST FOR TREASON!?!??!!

• (back from my typo check to say that kacey was just talking about people being SHOT FOR TREASON oh god) ((oh and the spoiler i saw was not what i thought it was))

• HELLO

• okay. katherine listen. i told you they’d tell the church i-

• wHAT!?!??!?

• coyle is behind this somehow i just know it

• fin.

📺: the way home - season two

season one recap 🩵

episode one - the space between:

• watching the ‘previously on’ like i didn’t just spend the week recapping it

• thought this was jacob and dell but it’s just another little boy and older lady

• “it will always take you where you need to go.” 👀

• picking up where season one left off. kat and dell were literally JUST healing and now where back to murder boarding

• oh we’re just immediately jumping into the FROZEN pond

• it didn’t work!

• kat you know that’s not how it works !! just get out before you freeze!!!

• oh god now alice is in the pond

• and YEAH we’re BENEATH THE ICE

• ALICE

• KAT DONT YOU KNOW CPR

• CHEST COMPRESSIONS

• oh god alice is back okay

• so much just happened oh my god

• a note for kat on elliot’s door ):

• me and elliot squabbin the next time i see him 😤

• (did anyone else’s school use the word squab around like 2015?? 2016??)

• “if i’ve learned anything these last few months it’s the worst thing to waste is time.” i gUESS!

• now how can a dog time travel 😭 the pond is SICK for that

• “the pond is done with us, allie. we have to be done with it.” we’ll see

• they’re making a pact to stay in the present

• time jump! seven months laterrrr

• hello?? DECODE PARAMORE?!?!

• and kat is jogging through the woods like is this twilight???

• passed elliot’s (still empty) house. hayley williams is right, how did we get here 😭

• ofc kat is listening to decode she’s an emo millennial

• if you think about it this kinda is like twilight. she’s gonna jump off a cliff next probably

• dell landry: bee keeping age!!!

• where’d the horse come from? 🤨

• “hey, boy. who are you?” oh so neither of us know okay

• oh! it’s the last day of school!

• not spencer from school pulling up

• and maybe zoe from school? hard to say

• alice is leaving!? oh going to the states with brady

• “that’s the thing about shared custody, eventually you have to share.” rip /:

• ugh r*chel mention

• “i am screening your next guy! these last two, they’ve been so very disappointing.” LAST TWO!?

• oh she meant brady and elliot 😂

• “brady only disappointed in the later years. we don’t.. we don’t talk about elliot.” yeah still too soon formerly nemesis monica

• lol so new guy leaves (suspiciously 🤨) and kat is like “okay fiiine i’ll take over the herald and hire myself back!! if i must!!!”

• and good for her!

• oh someone’s died 😰

• evelyn goodwin??

• oldest member of the most prestigious (and wealthiest) family in port haven. an institution, dell says!

• linger?more?

• oh elliot has the AUDACITY to send post cards 😤

• yeah, alice you’re right to roll your eyes at him!!

• we’re getting so much landry lore!

• but also more evidence for my jacob is his own ancestor theory

• the landrys were a founding family of port haven with the aforementioned goodwins

• dell talking about HAPPY MEMORIES OF COLTON!!!! 🥹

• we’re throwing a summer partyyyy

• landry ladies kitchen dancing 🥹

• ruined! by brady calling 😤

• oh so kat and alice are on the same wavelength as me. no wonder kat knows so much about her great great whoevers

• they stuck to their word, no pond!

• “yeah, well. elliot’s not around anymore to give us those pearls of wisdom.” “when are you gonna let that go?” no, no. hold that grudge, alice.

• “elliot promised that he would always be there to help, and when we needed him the most […], he bails.” just like the avatar 😪

• can’t help but notice the herald is brighter now that new guy is gone.

• now i know brady isn’t trying to blame KAT for the shared custody thing

• are we ever gonna be introduced to rachel bc now it’s getting suspicious

• “alice is no distraction, she’s the glue” she really is huh 😭

• ooooh evelyn goodwin put the herald in her will???

• kat is going to ✨lingermore✨

• (i’m guess that’s the goodwin estate?)

• “no wonder you turned the herald into a weekly, you’re always here” okay dell kinda ate with that one 😭

• “i’m going up the hill” me: kate bush?

•but also: *eerie music change* “i’m going with you.”

• okay now i’m scared of lingermore

• oh something has Happened here…

• sorry, evelyn saved everything to open a museum and her son was just like “eh oh well. gonna sell.” ??? hate men.

• oooh but now the herald gets it all!!

• now kat has the entire history of port haven at her fingertips! finding jacob has literally never been easier.

• oh something Sinister has Happened here… 😰

• alice! step away from that pond! you promised your mother!!

• oh she’s just coming to say goodbye ):

• girl back up that’s literally how you fell in the first time!!

• oh it’s LITERALLY how she fell in the first time? the bracelet hello???

• i do enjoy that when i gasp now it’s actually stuff i am surprised about

• is dell gonna have flashbacks of her own of this place now?

• she’s just sad about evelyn ):

• you know. this was kinda how dell’s future was looking before kat and alice showed up…

• yeah how is kat supposed to get all these boxes back to the herald

• UM

• why’s this portrait look just like kat 😀

• “MY KATHERINE, 1814” HELLO

• what did evelyn know 👀

• aww the jewelry dish

• we are immediately back to kat and alice keeping secrets from each other 🫠

• she’s a runna she’s a track star 🏃🏻‍♀️

• oh! note’s gone from the door! is elliot back???

• omg he’s back

• “well kat landry!” “oh… elliot augustine…” okayyyy

•god, kat might as well have just said “you look hot” that would’ve been less embarrassing 😭

• (and he does, she was right.)

• why is elliot being weird

• wait. just realized this man LEFT in the MIDDLE OF THE SCHOOL YEAR??? elliot there’s a TEACHER SHORT- wait they’re canadian…. is there a canadian teacher shortage??

• um but still. in the middle of the year, dawg??

• okay elliot when have you ever “imposed” on the landrys be so for real

• omg kat get up girl you are not playing it cool rn

• “i will never understand why she took elliot’s travels so hard” bc they’re besties??? (also bc that’s her stepdad but we apparently are keeping that a secret)

• dell didn’t notice that kat and alice were literally time traveling but she DID clock kat and elliot and that is, once again, so southern of her.

• “i haven’t seen you wear the bracelet in forever! i was beginning to think you lost it.” hehe about that…

• no actually WHY is elliot so… off i’m starting to not trust this… like go back to the caribbean if you’re gonna be like this

• “somebody had a glow up.” lmao rita!!

• “looks like elliot had what the kids call a hot boy summer” RITA!!!

• oh so alice didn’t know about katelliot and is really just mad bc elliot is her bestie!!!

• “and besides, there is no us, really. right?” ELLIOT YOU’RE THE BIGGEST DUMB DUMB THERE IS

• fumbled the bag

• he didn’t even say GOODBYE!? god what is with these men

• “great party, dell.” 😭😂

• “you better get out there and get a lobster before rita pilfers them all” lol okay great callback

• “[the farm] will always be here waiting for you.” 🥹

• fireworks for colton 😭😭😭😭

• flashbacks for everyone 🥺

• i miss colton landry

• ugh how long are kat and elliot going to pretend they don’t love each other

• alice is connecting dots

• colton and baby elliot 🥺 the club house is always there for him to have a space 😭

• “don’t waste any time, kid. because it’s never guaranteed.” and elliot thought that was a joke?? i-

• *branch snaps* “did you hear that?” WHO CAME BACK 🫵🏽

• “i saw that look between you and elliot. are you two together?” alice you’re far too late

• alice you didn’t ruin anything, sweetie 😭

• kinda rude that i grew up an hour from the beach and never went to a summer bonfire beach party in high school. (i didn’t go to parties in hs who am i kidding)

• oh! we’re being haunted by our past! cool.

• an elliot mixtape!!! IN THE CLUBHOUSE

• aww elliot’s here.

• with a STRONG candian ‘sorry’

• oh they met alice after the last summer cookout… interesting

• i thought “traveling” was a euphemism. but he actually meant time traveling lol

• “i’m sorry i didn’t say goodbye. i just knew if i saw you, i wouldn’t go.” OKAY AND WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN SO BAD

• just sitting on the bed nothing crazy

• SCREAMING !!!!!

• grey’s anatomy training 😏

•making out with all for you playing in the background. gonna cry actually.

• elliot apologizing right away 😭 okay there’s the awkward guy i missed

• “i’m not your problem anymore” WHY WOULD SHE SAY THATTTTT

• ALEXA, PLAY EXHILE BY TAYLOR SWIFT

• the sad part is, they could just go right back to how they were. like elliot is so willing to be that sounding board for kat.

• but. he blew it. super hard. complete buffoonery.

• “welcome home.” damn she’s cold

• baby nick!!!

• ugh elliot was gonna make his move RIGHT before kat met brady 😭

• so i guess spencer from school and zoe from school are??? no more???

• alice is still hung up on nick 😭 girl he’s old let it gooo

• why are they making her sing rn

• now look you’ve made her get stage fright again. (it’s definitely not the ghosts of her mother’s past coming to haunt her…)

• kat and dell finally getting the mother daughter relationship they deserve??

• is the house called lingmore or lingermore… i need to look this up

• the subtitles are telling me lingermore. dell’s accent is just thick lmao

• oh! see, dell thought evelyn reminded her of herself too.

• “i wanna build back our relationship. i wanna get to know you again.” yup yup yup 🥹

• kat has also noticed that dell is talking about colton and jacob in a positive light now

• “no more regrets, only resets” dell would kill on facebook

• ugh, i know Something is going to happen and it’s gonna ruin everything we accomplished in this scene

• um why are we back at the “did you hear that” scene 😰

• WHO IS THAT!?!?? 🫵🏽

• colton???? new guy?????? JACOB!?!?!?

• oh my god

• the blurry polaroid!!

• alice and kat sharing their secrets! season of healing!

• kat don’t let her manipulate you like this!

• okay or do. whatever.

• wait elliot send that text 😭 you gotta be the one to fix this, dude.

• neighbor!? who is this man???

• they better not be trying to give dell another love interest 😤

• could be elliot’s dad tho? but i doubt it

• suspicious buyer of the neighboring farm????

• the new buyer isn’t going to lease the fields sooo what does that mean 😅

• dell is going to be losing money?

• AND WHOSE HORSE IS THIS

• don’t tell me that horse jumped in the pond 🤧

• mother daughter pond jump 🤪

• “it’ll take us where we need to go” what could go wrong! 😀

• BABY ELLIOT!?

• has present elliot been LYING to present kat this whole time??????

• if i got sent to 1814- hold up who is that

• not the gun

• HELLO

• grey’s anatomy training (dying in a horrific way)

• um. okay 😀

fin.

[cursed-critters]

Stop! Read this, or not.

Hey, anyone who happens to be here! I’m Rowan (he/they/it) , some non-binary creature who found their way to this app. I tend to hyperfixate on things for extended periods of time. I am not the best artist, but I try my best. I consider myself a fairly good writer who would like to publish one day. I find myself more focused on specific characters sometimes as opposed to the entire creation (be it a book, game, show, movie, etc.) I headcannon everything about whatever I’m into, no matter how pointless. I like to share things I think about, so please feel free to ask me about my headcannons! Ask me to write or draw things too! I also enjoy making AUs from time to time.

Find me on Bluesky where I post like almost the exact same stuff



Find me on Twitter where I also post the same stuff

My biggest fixations

•Batim (mostly Sammy)

•Fnaf (mostly William)

•Fnaf Novels (mostly Dave)

•Sally Face (mostly Larry and Travis)

•Little Nightmares (mostly Mono)

•Deltarune (mostly Rouxls)

•Undertale (mostly Burgerpants)

•Splatoon (mostly Marina)

•Pokémon (mostly James)

•Outlast (mostly Richard Trager)

•Outlast: Whistleblower (mostly Eddie Gluskin)

•Outlast 2 (mostly Val and Lynn)

•Outlast Trials (mostly Leland Coyle)

•Supernatural (mostly Cass and Dean)

•Dexter (mostly Dexter)

•Criminal Minds (mostly Spencer Reid)

•Steven Universe (mostly Garnet)

•Spooky Month (mostly Kevin)

•Kid Vampire (most Count Papa and Kid Vampire)

•Lord of the Flies (mostly Simon and Jack)

•Detroit Become Human (mostly Connor and Hank)

•The Owl House (mostly Phillip)

•Gravity Falls (just in general)

•Ddlc (mostly Yuri)

•DuckTales (mostly Gyro)

•Tender is the Flesh (just in general)

•Penpal (just in general)

•Borrasca (just in general)

•Dayshift at Freddy’s (mostly Dave)

•Dialtown (mostly Randy)

•The Song of Achilles (just in general)

•Moral Orel (mostly Clay)

•Venom (mostly Eddie and Venom)

•Prisoners (mostly Alex / Barry)

•Freaky (just in general)

•Nimona (mostly Nimona and Ballister)

•Alice in Wonderland (mostly Cheshire Cat and Mad Hatter)

•Little Miss Sunshine (mostly Dwayne and Frank)

•Life is Strange (mostly Nathan and Kate)

•Life is Strange 2 (mostly Finn)

•Life is Strange True Colors (mostly Steph)

•Batman: The Telltale Series (mostly Oswald)

•Batman: The Enemy Within (mostly John)

•Barry (mostly NoHo Hank)

•Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (just in general)

•Imposters (mostly Richard and Jules)

•Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (mostly Rahzar)

•Zombieland (mostly Tallahassee)

•Loki (mostly Loki and Mobius)

•The Shawshank Redemption (just in general)

•A Hat in Time (mostly Snatcher)

•Baldur’s Gate 3 (mostly Astarion)

•The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog (mostly Shadow)

•Sonic Prime (mostly Nine and Shadow)

•Sonic Forces (mostly Infinite and Ian Jr.)

•Sonic the Hedgehog Games (mostly Shadow)

•Beastars (mostly Jack)

•Arcane (mostly Silco & Viktor)

•How to Train Your Dragon (mostly Dagur)

•The Batman (mostly Riddler)

•Gotham (mostly Penguin)

•Harley Quinn (just in general)

•DC (just in general)

•Monster High (mostly Toralei, Clawdeen, and Kieran)

•The Umbrella Academy (mostly Klaus)

•Adventure Time (mostly Ice King and Mr. Fox)

•Fionna and Cake (mostly Simon)

•Clone High (mostly JFK and Ponce)

•Smiling Friends (mostly Allan and Glep)

•Rabbit Doubt (just in general)

•Late Night with the Devil (mostly Jack)

•Kid Vampire (just in general)

•Carmilla (just in general)

Tagging information

-Most things will be tagged with specific fandoms or Oc

-My thoughts/rants will be tagged with Rowan Rants

-My art will be tagged with Cinnamon Creates

-My writing will be tagged with Rowan Writes

-My replies will be tagged with Rowan Replies

[vivithefolle]

What is your opinion on the parallels between Ron and Neville, especially considering that they both suffer from drastically low self-esteem? People often draw similarities between their arcs, but it seems to me that as the book series went on, Neville gained confidence while Ron lost confidence. Am I missing something?

I think you pretty much summed it up.

You could say that Neville’s self-esteem was inversely proportional to Ron’s.

When Ron comes at Hogwarts, he’s feeling a bit defeated already, but his successes in the first book (where he kinda carries the team) and the second (where he gets a Special Award For Services To The School along with Harry) serve to build up his confidence, culminating with him getting his own wand in the third. Meanwhile poor Neville, while he stands up to Grabbe and Coyle and later to his own friends, is still seen bumbling around and being generally a laughing stock.

After the third book it’s kind of a turning point. Ron doubts Harry openly, makes a fool of himself due to Fleur’s Veela glamour and is pretty much getting slapped in the face by the narration. Neville however doesn’t get humiliated as much, and even gets to go to the Yule Ball without being publically humiliated.

In OOTP the chasm deepens. Ron is bullied horribly... and no one does a thing. Neville, meanwhile, gets McGonagall telling him he’s a great wizard and a promise of her standing up to his grandmother. OOTP ends with Neville having gotten his own wand, and Ron’s triumph over his bullies is eclipsed by his defeat at the DOM.

HBP pretty much spits on every character, even uses Luna Lovegood to convince us to feel sorry for Hermione who has assaulted her friend, and Neville is pretty much the only one to come out unscathed, because he was relegated to the background. He makes a comic relief appearance at Slughorn’s party and that’s all; he’s then here and present when it comes to fighting the Death Eaters during the battle of the Astronomy Tower. Ron is also there, but people seem to forget that Hermione and Luna did not participate much in that fight...

And DH... well, no possibility to see Neville bumbling at Hogwarts in DH now that we aren’t at Hogwarts, is there? But we are given first-seats to see Ron be moody and angry and a general ass... which anyone would be in the situation he’s in (as in, having your family/little sister liable to be executed at any moment by a corrupt government, being anaemic, and being led on a wild goose chase by an asshole who doesn’t seem to care at all about the fact that YOUR FAMILY MAY DIE THE LONGER THIS DRAGS ON), but somehow JKR insists that it’s Ron and only Ron being an asshole, case in point:

This was their first encounter with the fact that a full stomach meant good spirits; an empty one, bickering and gloom. Harry was least surprised by this, because he had suffered periods of near starvation at the Dursleys’. Hermione bore up reasonably well on those nights when they managed to scavenge nothing but berries or stale biscuits, her temper perhaps a little shorter than usual and her silences rather dour. Ron, however, had always been used to three delicious meals a day, courtesy of his mother or of the Hogwarts house-elves, and hunger made him both unreasonable and irascible. Whenever lack of food coincided with Ron’s turn to wear the Horcrux, he became downright unpleasant. - Deathly Hallows

So we have

Ron, however, had always been used to three delicious meals a day, courtesy of his mother or of the Hogwarts house-elves 

... but, um, Hermione too is used to three delicious meals a day, courtesy of her parents and the Hogwarts house-elves -

Hermione bore up reasonably well [...], her temper perhaps a little shorter than usual and her silences rather dour

Nevermind, Perfect Goddess Sue is perfect.

At the end of DH, we still remember that Ron behaved badly in the Horcrux Hunt because blah blah symbolism blah blah poor wee Harry blah blah catholicism parallels with St Peter denying knowing Jesus blah blah blah.

While Neville’s appearance as the fearless, epic Hogwarts leader is still a shock, but also a satisfying moment, especially when he gets his epic speech to tell Voldemort to go fuck himself.

... which leads many to forget that Ron did it before Neville (not that Neville’s speech wasn’t an epic, well-deserved moment of pure badassery).

"You see?" said Voldemort, and Harry felt him striding backward and forward right beside the place where he lay. "Harry Potter is dead! Do you understand now, deluded ones? He was nothing, ever, but a boy who relied on others to sacrifice themselves for him!" "He beat you!" yelled Ron, and the charm broke, and the defenders of Hogwarts were shouting and screaming again until a second, more powerful bang extinguished their voices once more. - Deathly Hallows

But people will mostly recall Neville’s speech. Because it lasts longer than Ron’s simple “he beat you” and Voldemort actually reacts to it, actually holds a conversation with Neville, while Ron’s scream is... mostly ignored. Even his breaking of Voldemort’s Silencing Charm doesn’t impact much, because another, stronger Charm is immediately put in place moments after.

The way Neville and Ron kill their respective Horcruxes is very different, too... Neville does it in an epic moment of badassery, set on fire and everything, and takes the sword from the Hat itself, mimicking Harry’s actions in Chamber of Secrets. It’s a pure, unadulterated moment of epicness, and nothing can taint its sheer badassery (especially if, like the rest of us intellectuals, you ignore everything JKR has tried to establish as canon after DH). Ron, however, kills his affiliated Horcrux as an act of... eugh... redemption over leaving Harry’s side (even though it was clearly the smartest thing to do since the dumbass didn’t even manage to destroy the Horcrux while Ron was gone, so here’s your proof that Harry and Hermione absolutely do need Ron because they’re incompetent nincompoops). Ron killing the Horcrux can’t be called triumphant or a victory, no matter what idiots blabbering about symbolically destroying his inferiority complex try to say - because yeah, symbolism is nice and all, but it’s not because Ron gets a symbolic victory that he’s miraculously cured of it, but hey who cares Ron can’t possibly have a mental illness cuz he’s not Harry haha!!

... Excuse me. I’m still bitter over... things.

Ron’s defeat of the Horcrux isn’t a triumph like Neville decapitating Nagini is. He’s humiliated in front of his best friend, whose opinion he bases most of his self-esteem upon. His dirty laundry is aired for Harry to see. And finally, when he destroys the Horcrux, he is left crying in the snow with Mr Emotionally Stunted for company.

How. The fuck. Do you call that. A victory.

Ron’s killing of the Horcrux is bittersweet. It’s only Harry and Ron, isolated in a small clearing, in the snow. Ron doesn’t get the sword from the Sorting Hat itself, which may make some people think it hasn’t been won properly, even though Ron displayed bravery (jumping into a frozen pond in the middle of winter) and chivalry (rescuing Harry) to obtain it, and Ron pretty much spends the whole time being terrified (of the thing that psychologically tortured him but hey, since when do we care about Ron’s feelings) then apologizing to Harry for leaving (and Harry accepting those apologies when HE TOO OWED RON SOME FUCKING APOLOGIES BUT NAH HARRY POTTER IS TOO SPECIAL FOR THAT).

While Neville’s killing of Nagini is nothing but badass, badass, and re-badass, with loads of people to witness it. It’s epic. Neville obtains Gryffindor’s sword “”“properly”““, by taking it from the Sorting Hat. And naturally, there’s nothing about Neville “redeeming himself for his betrayal of Our Lord And Saviour Harry Potter” to taint that success.

Yeah... at the end of it all, Ron is... not fine. Him “symbolically destroying his inferiority complex” is just fucking that, a symbol. But it doesn’t mean he’s miraculously cured his insecurities and all. It doesn’t mean he’s stopped being horribly fucking depressed. It doesn’t mean he’s not traumatized. But I forgot only Harry’s traumas matter (and Hermione’s, to a lesser extent... what am I saying, Hermione doesn’t get trauma, trauma is for losers, like Harry).

Neville is slowly but steadily built up in the background through the series (huh, kinda like Ginny... wonder why more people won’t point that out). His failures are so commonplace, and usually more in the realms of “accidental fuck-up” than “feeling offended and fucking up because of it”, that it’s hard to be angry at him. Meanwhile Ron’s failures feel more personal, because he’s so important to Harry and Harry takes Ron’s disagreements with him as personal attacks like the idiot fuck he is.

So, while Neville gradually gets stronger in the background, Rowling brings Ron down a little more in every book, because as the books go on she can’t bear to have Harry and Hermione fuck up, so Ron has to do all the fucking up so she can pretend the other two are perfect instead.

[bqstqnbruin]

Three times he said it as a friend and once as something more

Hello, hello. I’m still working on the Nick Robertson request but wow I don’t want you to hate me for it because it is actual trash right now and I’m sorry. But I’m also working on B&W part 3, so there’s that!

This was requested from that fluffs prompt list, which I think I’m done with now because honestly, it’s so far deep at this point, and I’m so lazy.

I hope you like it!

46. Why should we date?

47. Because we’re attracted to each other

48. I’m attracted to pie, but I do not feel the need to date pie.

__________________________

one

“Next time I see you, I really do expect you to be a professional athlete,” you tell Charlie, the two of you laying on a blanket in his backyard, enjoying the last few hours of sunlight on his last night in town. The next morning, he would be leaving to go to BU to play hockey. It wasn’t even that far, but him not living at home, and you going to school in Vermont meant him no longer driving you to school each morning, you no longer going over with dinner your mom made when she knew he and his parents were running around because of his games, no more walking next door whenever you needed to talk to instead of calling him. The memories would last forever, but those moments were now just part of the past.

“Are you not gonna come see me play at BU at all? What about when we play UVM?” he says, turning his head to look you.

Turning to him, you roll your eyes, “Ok, fine. Then I expect you to be a professional athlete in the next three years.” 

“Whatever,” he says, laughing. 

You sit there in silence, taking in what is probably one of the last moments for a while that you two will be able to spend a lot of time together. 

“Remember how we became friends?” he asks, sitting up. 

You follow suit, laughing at the memory that he just triggered. You were neighbors since your family moved to Weymouth, but you weren’t automatically friends because of it. “Well, duh. We sat across from each other in Family Consumer Science. We, of course, always finished the work early because we’re great, and we played pencil hockey for like thirty minutes before Mrs. Grace yelled at us for distracting the other two at our table.”

“The fact that you ever finished your work fast in that class is still amazing. You get distracted by everything and can’t focus on anything.”

“Yeah, well,” you shrug it off. You sit there thinking of all the other good memories you had with him; sitting across from each other in US history and joking about all the mistakes you made while texting, the nights when you would walk around Boston Common once your parents trusted you out on your own, the last minute Bruins tickets he would get and force you to go along with him to the games.

“Did you ever think about what our lives would have been like if we dated?”

“What?” you ask, shocked. There was no way the two of you would ever date. He was destined to be a professional hockey player, traveling the US and Canada with whatever NHL team wanted him. You could never date someone that wasn’t going to be there when you needed them. And you couldn’t ask him to give up your dream for you. Yes, you were overthinking this, but best case scenario is that you had dated throughout high school and ended things tonight.

“Most people thought we were dating, anyway. What if we actually had?”

“Then we probably would have broken up tonight because long distance relationships from high school never work. Look at Andrea and Eric from last year, she went to Holy Cross and he only went to UConn and they could never make it work so they broke up. Or Josh and Maggie two years ago; he went to Ohio and ended up transferring to UMass so he could be with her and he loved Ohio State.”

“Too bad we never even gave it a chance.”

You look at him, shocked. “Did you want to?”

His only response was shrugging, a smile on his face as he lays back down on the blanket. You stay sitting up, thinking about what he just said. Did he want to date you all this time and never said anything until now? And why the hell would he do something like that anyway? You weren’t going to see him until at least Thanksgiving, which means that now you have to hyper fixate on this one memory until you see him again. 

“Hey,” he says, snapping you out of it.

“Yeah?”

  “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” 

two

Your phone lights up, causing you to tear your eyes away from the essay you had been writing that’s due in a few hours. Due to your great talent for procrastinating, you were, of course, finishing the paper at the last minute. The picture of you two in the Coyle’s front yard on your first day of school in six grade shows up on your screen, meaning Charlie was calling you. It had been forever since the two of you last talked; with you being in school and him trying to make it as a hockey player in Minnesota, your schedules never gave you a free moment to talk for more than a passing moment. 

“Hey, stranger,” you say, not hiding the smile on your face even though you were out in public. You hated showing any sort of emotion that would provoke someone to come up to you and start talking to you, but seeing Charlie’s name come up on your phone with something other than a text automatically made you smile. 

“Stranger? You know who I am.” You could tell by his voice that he was jokingly acting offended. 

“Yeah, you’re Zach Parise, right?” you tease.

You hear the laugh you miss so much on the other end, “How have you been?”

“Uh, stressed, lately, so nothing new.”

“Why?”

“Homework, papers, and exams.”

“Oh, my.” You both start laughing at the accidental joke he made, “Why so much stuff?”

“It’s midterms, babe.” 

“So I assume that you’re working right now?”

“Yep, it’s eight pm, the paper is due at midnight and I still have four more pages to write.”

` “I’m so glad that your work ethic hasn’t changed since high school.”

“Ok, rude! I have good work ethic, I just also have strong procrastination skills.”

“You probably have ADHD,” he says.

“Well, yes, but that’s a different story.”

“What’s your weekend look like? I want to catch up when you don’t have a lot of work to do.”

“Uh, I should be good.”

“Alright, get back to the paper.”

“I will. Love ya.”

“Love you, too.” 

three

“Oh, come on! We practically live together. You can’t deny that something is going on between us!” Charlie argues, pacing around the kitchen as you make dinner. This conversation between the two of you was becoming a weekly one, slowly getting on your nerves to the point where you would consider moving just to get away from it. 

“Because what happens if we break up? We’ve been friends since we were in middle school. Do you really want to throw all that away?” you say, turning to him, putting your hand on your hip. 

“I just think we should go out as more than friends just once.”

“And how would that be different than all the other times that we go out together?”

“Because then I could do things like hold your hand and flirt with you?”

“I’m like ninety percent sure you already flirt with me.” 

“Y/N.”

“Why should we date, Charlie?”

“Because we’re attracted to each other?”

“And I’m attracted to pie, but I do not feel the need to date pie,” you roll your eyes, turning your attention back to the stove. 

“You’re seriously equating me to pie right now? I have never seen you eat pie, therefore, that argument is invalid.”

“Since when do you say things like therefore, and invalid?” 

“Seriously, Y/N. You know I have wanted to date you since we were in middle school, but something always came up. You know I love you. You know I always have.”

You turn back to him, trying to make eye contact, but something in you just can’t. Your timing was never right. Once you were old enough to date, the two of you were never single at the same time. Actually, that isn’t true. You were both single for a brief period of time while he was playing with the Sea Dogs and you were still at UVM. This was the first time that both of you were single and in the same town. 

“Charlie, you know that I love you, too. But this can not happen. We can’t risk breaking up and ruining what we have.” 

He exhales, obviously disappointed. You were, too, but you couldn’t let that show. You wanted nothing more than to be with him, but you couldn’t let all those years of friendship go away if things didn’t work out between the two of you. “Fine.”

once

“Remember when you wouldn’t date me?” he asks over the sound of everyone around you.

“Remember when you were less annoying?” you roll your eyes. You look around to see so many other couples and families filling in the tables around you. Everyone looked so happy, just like you were. 

You and Charlie had been together now for a year, him finally wearing you down and convincing you to let him take you on a date. He promised you that even if you stopped dating, your friendship would never end because, at this point, you were in too deep anyway. He told you he had this whole evening planned for your anniversary, complete with a walk around the Boston Common like you used to do when you were kids, dinner at Terramia, your favorite restaurant, and for dessert, he was taking you to Mike’s Pastries for the cannoli you loved so much. 

“No, never,” he smirks, reaching out across the table to take your hand.

You had to admit, all the things he had said trying to convince you to date him were right; nothing was really that different between the two of you besides the intimacy that wasn’t there before. “You’re never letting me live that down, are you?”

“No.” 

You roll your eyes at him. You didn’t want to inflate the ego of the man who didn’t even know how to use the oven by telling him he was right that you two dating was fine. 

“Hey,” he says, like that last night before he went off to college.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

You smile, thinking back to all those times you told each other those three words, them meaning something completely platonic. “I love you, too.” 

[bowieandqueen11]

Reaction / Alec Holland Imagine

Request: could you please write an alec Holland imagine where he saves you? Sorry it's so vague lol I just want a cute protective Alec imagine. Thank you! 

Sorry this is so bad, but I haven’t been able to watch Swamp Thing anywhere so this is going completely off the clips I’ve seen online XD

All comments are much appreciated!

!Warning - some strong language!

The hospital morgue was extremely cold against Alec’s flip flops, no matter how hard he patted them against the tile.

In this dimly lit metal room, nothing but the machines buzz quietly in the background as Alec frowns and places his eye against the microscope, fiddling with the dials with expert precision.

‘I’ve got a reaction here,’ he says with his usual worried nonchalance, waving you over with a harsh wave of his hand as he squints further into the machine.

There is no movement for a second before you whisk past the vine tangled body lying on the table, your blue scrubs puffing up as the air rushes past your hips, before you bump into Alec’s shoulder and gently push him out of the way. You don’t notice him raise his hands up in amused confusion as he watches you bend down, a smile dancing on his lips as his eyes follow your very twitch.

There are lights, but like the stars in a night sky they do little to lift the blackness, as if the two of you, and poor Susie’s father are trapped in a tin; metallic roof above, metallic floor below. 

As you slowly pull away, meeting his intense gaze with your own confused expression, the wheels of his chair roll into the side of your ankle as they vibrate slightly. He grasps onto your elbows to steady himself, your gloves landing on the cream of his shoulders as the two of you swivel your heads around almost painfully slowly, almost in disbelief as you catch sight of Eddie Coyle’s torso ripping itself in half with a sick goopy noise.

‘Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me.’

It doesn’t even take Alec a fraction of a second before his arms are out in front of yours. Before the first vine, the first tendril sprouts out of Mr Coyle’s stomach pit and feels its way around the room, soon joined by its friends as they slither across the ground, Alec has already splashed his feet against the floor and pushed you against the back wall. The crash you make as you bump into the metallic knives on the counter makes him wince slightly in his head, but he’s already barricaded your front with his stature.

‘Come on, come on’, he begins to grunt as he stands up and kicks the chair out of the way, still trying to push you behind his hunched figure as he strains his neck to peer around the brick pillar and see what the hell was going on. What he wasn’t expecting, but welcomed, was your hand grabbing onto his tightly, bruising his palm with your grip as his fingers dug into your elbow.

He saw the thing, heard its snapping and its new whining. He saw it rearing up, elongating its vines as they crossed over the floor and made a beeline for your feet. You could feel the thorns digging into you like a rope around your ankles; your left cheek lying firmly in the muddy dust that coated the cold concrete floor as you fall out of Alec’s grasp and land with a sick crunch onto your back.

And that’s when the screaming started.

‘Hey! Hey! Mother- get off of her!’

To his horror, Alec hesitated, but as he saw you sweep the floor, being dragged further towards the mother load of this creature, grabbing fruitlessly at the walls and scraping your fingernails against the floor, he ran between the two of you. The vicious whips of the vines snapped within six inches of his face, with a force that would have carried away an ear, or shredded the cheek, if they had met, but hand appeared from nowhere and tightened on your wrist, white knuckled, strong and not letting go. With a force he didn’t realise the adrenaline had given him, he had managed to pull you up against his chest and wrapped his arms around your abdomen, half carrying and half tugging you out of the room and kicking his way into the hallway as Suzie appears in the doorway.

Slamming the door shut, he allowed himself in that moment to just flop the two of you down against the wall, ignoring the light that flickered above his head and the obvious smashing of glass that rained around his head as his arms shook around your waist. All your thoughts stopped as if your heart took over from your head, your breathe beginning to catch itself in gasping coughs out of your lips. Next he would squeeze as if he needed to check you were really there with him, really there and really real.

You looked sharply up as he took your hands into his. They felt like sandpaper or perhaps stone, rough and unfinished. It suited him, you thought, looking into his deep eyes, his hands warm in yours as he brought them up to his lips, your nerves tingling at the harsh comfort of contact, your body melting into his hard chest, his heartbeat comforting, if a little rushed for your liking.

‘What the hell just happened, and how do we stop it?’

[blindbatalex]

a concept for you: a bit after the trade deadline, Coyle (and/or Mojo) decides to bring up the elephant in the room: Bergy and Marchy are clearly together, he understands why they held off telling him until they got to know him better, but he wants them to know he supports them 100%. Only... they're not together. (ofc they are pining instead)

i meant to write a hundred word snippet rip

Marcus had a counselor in high school who pointed out to him that he tended to deal with stress and uncertainty by creating an even larger, certain source of stress.  An elaborate form of self-sabotage, she had called it.  Marcus would think about it and about her often long after he left high school, though rarely in time to stop himself.

*

He banged on the door yet again.

“HELLO WE ARE HERE WE ARE TRAPPED HELLO HELLO.”

“I don’t think there is anyone who can hear us,” Bergy said with polite grace from where he had sat down by a bucket and a bunch of mops.  Everything the man did was graceful, even when he was annoyed as he must be right now.

Marcus grit his teeth and sulked to the far corner of the supply closet, before sliding down the wall to sit against some low shelves with his knees drawn up to his chest.  There was no real space and his sore muscles were already screaming from the uncomfortable position.

Life was just spiffy at the moment.

First, the Capitals had traded him to an irrelevant team and to New Jersey of all places, which sucked.  But then, just when he got used to it the Devils traded him too, and this time of all places, to Boston.  Then, then this morning he came in super early to get a work out in before practice, he managed to spill his coffee all over the locker room, and when he, joined by an always helpful, always early B.ergeron, got to a supply closet to get a mop, the door had shut and locked behind them.

Bergy must have seen some of Marcus’ great pleasure on his face, because he raised a (perfect, even under the glaring light of a single dangling bulb) eyebrow and said–

“You’ll probably be more comfortable if you sit next to me.  There is more space here.”

Marcus eyed the spot Bergy patted.  There was indeed more space there.  But it would also mean they would be sitting snug against each other, thigh pressed against thigh, when Bergy was shirtless at the moment, and yeah no.  Miserable as he was, Marcus valued his life.

“Yeah, thanks, but I don’t want your boyfriend to give me another concussion.”

“My–what?”

“He doesn’t strike me as the jealous type but you can’t be too careful with head injury, you know what I’m saying?”

“Who, Marchy?”

Yes, Marchy.  How many other–

“He is not my boyfriend.”

Huh.  Marcus didn’t take Bergy as someone who would be hung up on labels, but he knew it mattered to some people.

“Partner?” he tried, “significant other?” Dear Lord had they– “husband?”

Bergy laughed, the sound quick and as uncomfortable as Marcus’ bum in its current cramped space.

“We are not–we are not dating.”

Now it was Marcus’ turn to laugh.  Right.  They only spent every other waking minute together and made cow eyes at each other in every given opportunity and when they were apart no one on the team was capable of mentioning one without the other in the same sentence, because they were not dating.  

(That last thing by the way, was highly bizarre.  Marcus would ask where Bergy was and someone would tell him ‘oh he is talking to the media but Marchy is taking a shower’ as if the fist part of the sentence didn’t make sense without the latter.  Like, there was casual dating, there was commitment, and then there was practically joined at the hip even our jersey numbers were made for each other married life that these two were leading.)

Just as he was about to make fun of Bergy though, another thought occurred to Marcus.  He was the new guy around here.  They probably didn’t know they could trust him and you’d have to be pretty dumb not to know what the consequences could be if one teammate failed to keep his mouth shut about something like this, especially given his and Marchy’s colorful past.

“Hey man, I’m cool with it,” Marcus said, raising a hand in defense.  “If I’m being completely honest” – please don’t be completely honest, a small voice in the back of Marcus’ mind implored – “I wondered what you saw in him at first, right, when you can get any guy you want–even the straight ones–but eh, he has his charms, doesn’t he. Besides, who am I to judge?”

Now Bergy was looking at him with his mouth open, a human version of the surprised Pikachu meme.

Marcus stopped.

“Too honest?”

“No,” Bergy said, color breaking in his voice, “it’s not and I appreciate–your support but–there isn’t anything.  There isn’t anything to support because there is nothing between us.  Marchy is just really my friend.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?” he found himself asking before he could help himself.  Marcus’ life in general made little sense these days but what he just heard made no sense whatsoever.

Bergy laughed again, ran a hand over his perfect face.  He smiled.

“He doesn’t like me that way.”  He grimaced.  “I mean–we don’t like each other that way. There is no why.”

“He doesn’t?”

A growing part of Marcus’ brain was now begging for him to stop. To not tread where he had no business.

But, like, also.  

This was Marchy they were talking about–the man once gave Marcus the evil eye, Mean Girls style, just because Marcus got the seat across from Bergy in the breakfast table.  Referees could see how bad the man had it for Bergy.

“I think I would know,” Bergy said quietly.  And Marcus hadn’t missed how he scrambled just now to change the subject of his sentence from ‘he’ to ‘we’ either.

Could it be possible, that Patrice Bergeron, four time Selke winner and a literal saint, was more of a disaster human than Marcus was?  The man was pining.  And he had no idea.

The thought made Marcus very happy about where he was in life.

Outside he could hear pieces of distant conversation.  Laughter.  A very specific, distinct laughter you could hear from two miles away–not unlike a ship horn.

“So.” Marcus stood up grinning.

“If Marchy walked in here and for all intents and it looked as if we were making out, he’d be cool with that?”

Mr. Pikachu laughed out of sheer surprise but recovered quickly.

“Yes,” he replied without hesitation, looking Marcus in the eye.

“You wanna bet 500 bucks? Easy money if you are so sure.”

“Will you drop it when I win?”

Marcus nodded and Bergy nodded back, a manly deal struck between them.

Quickly, Marcus took off his shirt.  In two steps he plonked himself down next to Bergy.  

The laughter was getting closer.

He put his hand on Bergy’s cheek–and man, it was easy to fall in love with this dude.  So lovely was his stubble against his fingertips and so dreamy his brown eyes even under the current horrible light and the horrible circumstances.

Easiest 500 bucks I ever made, he thought before he moaned, very loudly.

“Yes Bergy, just like that.”

Muffled through a wall, he heard a distinct what the fuck.

Very soon, he would be thinking of his high school counselor.

[tomspeter]

The Ask and the Answer (Chaos Walking Qs)

First Book  Second Book  Third Book

1. "You notice that he does not ask, Where am I?"

2. Like he's killing me after all, but with the cure instead of the punishment.

3. Without pain, it feels almost like I don't have a body at all, almost like I'm a ghost, sitting in a chair, blinded and eternal. Like I'm dead already.

4. Cuz how do you know if yer alive if you don't hurt?

5. It's as blank as ever. It's the empty, lifeless wall. I might as well be talking to a bottomless pit. I might as well /be/ the bottomless pit.

6. I am Todd Hewitt, I think. I am the son of Cillian Boyd and Ben Moore. My birthday is in fourteen days but I am a man.

7. I am Todd Hewitt and I am a man.

8. It's still empty, still the quiet of a silent town, a town with no Noise, a town waiting for an army to come and conquer it. A town that didn't even try to fight.

9. Sometimes the rumour of an army is just as effective as the army itself.

10. Maybe too much comfort was the problem.

11. I see Mr Tate and Mr Morgan and Mr O'Hare, men I grew up with, men I used to see every day being farmers, men who were just men till suddenly they became something else.

12. My wondrous son who I swear will see this world come good.

13. It's like a loss, like great groupings of sorrow against the sound of the world.

14. And I see that more of their arms are crossed, more of their faces looking doubtful. More anger there than on the faces of the men.

15. "Not everything is black and white, Todd. In fact, almost nothing is."

16. "You are enslaved by your idleness," says the Mayor. "You are defeated by your complacency. You are doomed."

17. "You have allowed yourselves to become so weak, so feeble in the face of the challenges of this world that in a single generation you have become a people who would surrender to a RUMOUR!"

18. It's a big, no-kidding, death of a thing, shining in the sun.

19. And then someone calls, "Murderer!" from across the square. A single voice, carrying above the silence. It came from the women.

20. he brought me to the edge of death, he made me know that it would come–And then he put a bandage on me. And that's when I did what he wanted.

21. "It will be difficult," he continues. "I don't pretend otherwise. But it will be rewarding."

22. "faith with proof is no faith at all."

23. "You go where the power is," he says. "That's how you stay alive."

24. "We just have to get through it, Todd," he says. "That's all any if us has to do now. Just stay alive and get through it."

25. Skin tells the story of a person, where they've been, what they've eaten, who they are.

26. "A little knowledge could be a large comfort."

27. "Smart in your first sentence, courageous in your second. We may be friends yet."

28. "Information is power."

29. "I lost my parents," I say and my voice husky. "And there's no way I can get them back . And now I've lost him. And if there's a chance, if there's even a chance-"

30. "She's always saying that being a leader is making the people you love hate you a little more each day."

31. "What kind of mistake?" Her permanent frown gets bigger. "She saved a life."

32. "Everything that happened to us is waiting to happen to them."

33. "We are the choices we make, Viola,"

34. "I don't think I like this version of peace very much."

35. "You'll learn that war only destroys. No one escapes from a war. No one. Not even the survivors you accept things that would appal you at any other time because life has temporarily lost all meaning."

36. "War makes monsters of men."

37. "A thing worth learning is worth learning well."

38. "Of course I'm not ready," Maddy says, with a terrified smile. "But I'm going."

39. "A man is capable of thought. A crowd is not."

40. I am Todd Hewitt and four days ago I was a man.

41. Getting thru ain't enough. Staying alive ain't enough if yer barely living.

42. Open, but already unseeing. I watched her fall.

43. "The Devil tells the best stories."

44. "You have to crawl before you walk." She takes a sip of her beer. "And then sometimes you go back to crawling."

45. "A general would do anything to win a war," he says. "That's why it's war."

46. "Because an idea lives on after the death of a person."

47. "I ain't never leaving you, Todd Hewitt, not never again."

48. "I have to try," I say. "I have to do something." I turn back to her, bag full. "That's who I am."

49. "Everyone here is someone's daughter," she says quietly. "Every soldier out there is someone's son. The only crime, the only crime is to take a life. There is nothing else."

50. "To live is to fight," she snaps. "To preserve life is to fight everything that man stands for."

51. She promised. And she left. She left me.

52. They treat me as if I'm a little dangerous. I'm slightly surprised to find I kind of like it.

53. You can see all of that if you look close. But it's easier if you don’t.

54. "Well we have met the Answer, have we not?" He turns back to look at us, his eyes glinting. "It is time for then to meet the Ask."

55. Better the devil you know.

56. I wonder why the only choice is twixt two devils, tho.

57. "It is only eternal vigilance that will lead us into the light. Let your neighbour know he is watched. Only then are we truly safe."

58. I don’t share his excitement. But that's cuz I don’t feel nothing much at all no more.

59. I am the Circle and the Circle is me.

60. The only thing she needs from me is assurance that I'm there, proof that I haven't left the herd, and as long as that's true, she's happy and she calls me Todd...

61. Fine. It don't matter. Nothing matters.

62. "Men are creatures of war. It's only prudent to remember that."

63. "If you don’t know, then there's still a chance."

64. "Knowing or not knowing doesn't keep them alive."

65. "You want to see it as simple good and evil, my girl," she says. "The world doesn't work that way. Never has, never will,"

66. "He needs to be overthrown, so I'm helping you do it. But when it's done?" I'm so close I can feel her breath. "Are we going to overthrow you next?"

67. "Yer the only friend I got, pigpiss," Davy finally says. "Ain't that the biggest tragedy you ever heard?"

68. "Hey!" I sit up. "We do it fast and without fuss. There are lots of ways to make it worse and we don’t do that. If it's gotta be done, then it's best that it's done by us."

69. "You're brave to try Mistress Coyle says. "Foolish, but brave."

70. We are the choices we make. And /have/ to make. We aren't anything else.

71. Don't react, it reads. I've decided I'm coming with you. I'll meet your cart in the woods. You want to find your family, I want to find mine, and neither of us should do it alone.

72. "It's too late," he says and his voice is so sad my own eyes start to wet. "I've been dead, Viola. I've been dead."

73. "No," he says, turning away. "No. It was easier when you weren't here. It was easier when you couldn't see-"

74. "I've done bad things, too," I say. "I wish everything was different but it isn't. There's only now and her and you have to come with me if we have any chance if making this come out any good at all."

75. "We can save the world," I say, trying to smile. "You and me."

76. "You have to learn how to work within the system for change."

77. My Noise swells with pride. That's my girl.

78. "I do owe her," I say. "I owe her the look on her face when she sees me alive."

79. "We just keep on having to save each other," he says. "We ever gonna be even?"

80. "He's just a man," I say. "A man can be defeated."

81. "It's about ruddy time Haven became Haven again."

82. "Are you sure about his?" he says. "No," I say, "but I'm sure of Todd."

83. "No, not the devil," he says, smiling. "Much worse than that."

84. "I have two maxims that I believe, dear girl," the Mayor says, coming slowly towards us. "One, if you can control yourself, you can control others. Two, if you can control information, you can control others."

85. "There's always a choice."

86. "But that makes you powerful, Todd Hewitt. In this world of numbness and information overload, the ability to feel, my boy, is a rare gift indeed."

87. "The best liar is the one who believes her lie is true."

88. "No," he says. "You've been right all along, both of you. Never love something so much it can be used to control you."

89. It's that you need to love something that much so you can never be controlled.

90. I nod back. We understand each other. "You'd stop being Todd Hewitt," I say. "And I ain't losing you again."

91. "Just cuz yer going there and I'm staying here," I say. "It don't mean we're parting."

92. "One, she creates chaos so it's harder to fight her as an orderly enemy. And two, she obliterates the safety of those who won't fight, creating the impression that she cannot be beaten so that everyone's that much easier to rule when she's done."

93. "Never trust a politician, Todd. They have no sense of centre, so you can never believe them."

94. "Things change but they stay the same."

[mzhong2014]

Reading digest 8/4-8/10

What It's Like to Learn You're Going to Die

“Nessa Coyle calls it ‘the existential slap’—that moment when a dying person first comprehends, on a gut level, that death is close. For many, the realization comes suddenly: ‘The usual habit of allowing thoughts of death to remain in the background is now impossible,’ Coyle, a nurse and palliative-care pioneer, has written. ‘Death can no longer be denied.’”

Ironically, this article about death made me think more critically about what it means to be alive. Death is not simply a physical experience, but also one of the soul. I believe that your soul experiences multiple deaths of the nonphysical form throughout life that fundamentally alter the Self -- the death of a romance, death of friendship, the death of a dream, etc. Although these experiences may reappear, they are never reincarnated in the same form, creating a sense of permanence of these nonphysical deaths. So long as one is still living, one is always surrounded by death. 

Perhaps change, both good and bad, can only be done through the death of parts of the Self -- hence why change is so painful. But in the process of destroying and morphing the Self, one is faced with existential questions of what is intrinsic to the Self. If nothing is intrinsic, then does the Self truly exist? 

“In this crisis, some people feel depression or despair or anger, or all three. They grieve. They grapple with a loss of meaning. A person’s whole belief system may be called into question because ‘virtually every aspect of their life will be threatened by changes imposed by the [disease] and its management,’ Lee has written. In a small 2011 Danish study, patients with an incurable esophageal cancer reported that after their diagnosis, their lives seemed to spin out of control. Some wondered why they had received a fatal diagnosis, and fell into despair and hopelessness. ‘I didn’t care about anything,’ one patient said. ‘I had just about given up.’”

Religion aside (which is not a trivial parameter to constrain), physical death is the ultimate destruction of the Self because it destroys both the conscience and the body. Although I have never had a near-death experience, I have had moments in my life where an essential part of my Self was stripped away, leading me to spiral into self-destruction as my perception of reality loses all grounding. During these existential crises, the Self is reduced to the physical body as foundational beliefs that distinguish us from fully functioning robots are blown up into smithereens. Death presents the possibility of rendering all meaning meaningless by denying the existence of both the conscience and body.  

Given the overwhelming difficulty of conceptualizing death, I found the following excerpt particularly interesting:

“Palliative-care doctors used to think that a patient was either in a state of denial or a state of acceptance, period, Rodin says. But now he and his colleagues believe people are more likely to move back and forth. ‘You have to live with awareness of dying, and at the same time balance it against staying engaged in life,’ he says. ‘It’s being able to hold that duality—which we call double awareness—that we think is a fundamental task.’

Whether or not people are able to find that balance, the existential crisis doesn’t last; patients can’t remain long in a state of acute anxiety. Coyle has found in her work that later peaks of distress are not usually as severe as that first wave. ‘Once you’ve faced [death] like that once, it’s not new knowledge in your consciousness anymore,’ she says.”

To live in the face of death is perhaps to feel so acutely what it means to be alive because living is no longer defined in a vacuum of false immortality, but in negation with death. Using this analogy for the nonfatal deaths experienced throughout life, these moments of acute pain remind us what it means to live, and thus what it means to die. But to continuously live in agony of death is to define life as purely a shadow of death, a permanent and unconquerable state of being. Unable to continuously live in this duality, the concept of death shows the limitations of the human mind. But perhaps those who are more able to strike this balance are those who can appreciate simultaneously the concept of life and death. Just as how living makes us fearful of dying, death makes us more appreciative of life and how much we have to lose -- not just of our physical existence, but also of our soul. 

He’s Your Destiny. Just Be Patient.

In every single relationship that I’ve had, I always run up against the following question: Do you just know when you’ve met the right person? Or does your partner become the right person through hard work and patience of both parties? 

As someone who is a strong believer in free will but also has compulsive overthinking tendencies and is prone to identifying patterns in meaningless trends in this noisy and chaotic world, my philosophy has wildly oscillated from believing in the ability of sheer willpower to overcoming incompatibilities to trying to concoct a scientific framework of key inputs to forecasting the future of a relationship.

This article is quite fitting because it shows us the irony of life, both in creating incredibly unlikely circumstances that seem to follow the narrative of a certain trajectory, as well as in surprising us with outcomes far from what one had expected. For Stefanie, the author, this irony is encapsulated in a tarot card reading. During this reading, the author learns that she will 1) soon leave NYC, 2) face a career of unexpected turns, and 3) reunite with her ex in three years time but will have other relationships that don’t work out in the meantime. 

The first two come true, and after leaving NYC for Detroit, she meets a guy named Brandon. 

“I fell very much in love with Brandon. There was no lightning strike of certainty but rather a slow warming that grew into something sweet. I wanted to marry him, and I told him so. I daydreamed about painting walls and walking dogs and all of the ways in which we would build a future together.”

After two years of falling in love with Brandon, Stefanie moves to LA for her work and finds herself in the same city with the ex she is destined to be with. One can only imagine how everything leading up to this moment has been a journey towards that destined love, that all of the pain and heartbreak, learning and growing, has prepared her to reunite with the One. 

“I finally wrote an email to my ex.

‘Hey’” I began casually, as if this greeting had not weighed heavily on me for ages. ‘It’s been so, so, so, so long. I live in LA now and I know you know that. I guess I’m hoping it’s finally time to have coffee and say hi? Whaddya think?’

After three years of wondering, I had to wait only a few hours for his response.

‘Yo yo,’ he wrote. ‘I appreciate the guts it must’ve taken to reach out, but I’m not really interested in grabbing coffee, sorry. I do sincerely hope everything in your world is awesome though!’

And that was that. No destiny. No lightning strike. No certainty written in the cards.”

A few months later, Stefanie and Brandon break up because they have drifted apart from each other and have become different people.

“We didn’t break up because the cards said we would, nor was it a failure of the cards that my ex and I didn’t reunite. I chose to believe in the possibility that there was some perfectly pre-written story that I was only playing a role in, but there was no pre-written story for Brandon and me. There’s no pre-written story for anyone.

And isn’t that part of the bargain we strike with our partners? That we are willing to live together inside of a story being written rather than a story already told? And that trying to see the future before it happens is just an attempt to make the terrible uncertainty about being in love, and staying in love, a little easier to bear.“

I love the ending of this article because it shows the absurdity in trying to predict the future as it unrolls, creating narratives out of disparate crumbs of faded memories and desires. It doesn’t answer the question of whether there are people out there destined for us or whether the success of a relationship is a result of sheer luck and hard work. It tells us that we don’t know, and that we choose how to cope with this uncertainty. But regardless of whether a relationship is fated to be, this does not deny the love that one feels when there is something “true and deep” between two people. 

November Rain

I really love this song, and more generally, Guns N’Roses. The raw emotions in the song and lyrics capture the essence of emotional vulnerability. 

“When I look into your eyes I can see a love restrained But darlin' when I hold you Don't you know I feel the same

Nothin' lasts forever And we both know hearts can change And it's hard to hold a candle In the cold November rain”

The imagery in the last two verses in this stanza shows the fragile, ephemeral, and fickle nature of love.  

“And when your fears subside And shadows still remain, oh yeah I know that you can love me When there's no one left to blame So never mind the darkness We still can find a way 'Cause nothin' lasts forever Even cold November rain”

After a great guitar solo, Rose sings these verses that I find to be so magnetic. It’s a message of hope, but tempered hope. Just as love fades and dies, even darkness must eventually subside. 

Putin plays judo, not chess

I found this to be a really clever analogy for Russia’s strategy in the international stage considering how judo is one of Putin’s favorite past times (how I pity Russian athletes that are pitted against him.) 

“In judo, a seemingly weaker practitioner can rely on inner strength and force of will to defeat a larger, stronger foe. One basic technique involves putting an opponent off balance and taking advantage of his temporary disorientation to strike a winning blow. Mr. Putin has proved adept at seizing opportunities presented by the West’s disarray and its leaders’ indecisiveness. He had a plan to restore Russia as a great power when he took over from Yeltsin; the U.S. has had no comparable strategy in the post-Cold War era, and Russia has taken advantage against its much stronger competitor.”

AKA US needs to get its cybersecurity policy together. 

Being a Law Firm Partner Was Once a Job for Life. That Culture Is All but Dead.

One of my biggest qualms of going to law school to practice law is the incentive system. Lawyers are billed on hours worked, not sales generated or results delivered. Thus, I was surprised that this article paints this shift towards a compensation model found in finance and consulting negatively. The hourly billings model creates an incentive for longer hours regardless of the quality of the deliverable, which trickles down to the associate-level and creates this poor work culture that already faces workaholic pressures by virtue of being client-facing. 

Also, this shift in model doesn’t necessarily mean that being a partner is no longer a cushy position. This doesn’t change the fact that partners would still take profit sharing of retaining client relationships, which they should be able to do as long as they don’t seriously screw up anything. I also don’t think that partners should get an easy pass once they achieve this rank. If you’re making that much as your annual salary, your value-add better be worth a few million dollars. 

Gun Policy in America: An Overview and What Science Tells Us About the Effects of Gun Policies

I find gun policy to be one of the most frustrating and mindboggling issues in politics. How can both sides of the aisle react so vehemently to the tragedy of mass shootings, yet have such different conceptions of what are their root causes and appropriate policy reactions? Additionally, why is this issue so partisan? Do gun issues symbolize the partisan disagreement on protecting personal rights at the expense of greater safety of the nation or clashing of personal identities between the isolated inhabitants of rural regions and the disconnected elitists of metropolitans? I’m not exactly sure why gun regulation has become so divisive, but I do know that protecting people’s lives should rise above the petty politics of partisanship.

RAND, a global think tank that covers both domestic and international policy issues, has tried to dissect these issues in an objective, nonpartisan, and analytical manner. From its preliminary research, what is clear is that there isn’t enough conclusive and rigorous research on gun policy, and that the government should appropriate more funds for researching gun regulation. In fact, “the U.S. government has spent just 1.6 percent as much on gun policy research as it has on research involving causes of similar levels of mortality in the United States, such as traffic accidents or sepsis” (Morral). I don’t know if this is because of lobbying efforts from pro-gun organizations, but investing in high-quality research is one of the first steps to fixing this issue.  

A few issues with researching gun policy include the lack of reliable data sets and the inconsistent categorization of different gun policies. Data sets are limited in sample size and the availability of historical information. New policies affect only a small fraction of guns purchased every year of the population of gun owners (e.g., prohibitions against the mentally ill). The lack of historical data makes it difficult to establish a causal relationship between passing gun regulation and perceived changes in gun violence. The difficulty of establishing strong evidence for a causal relationship between gun regulation and gun violence, however, may be a chicken and the egg problem. If there aren’t enough examples of states passing gun regulation, there aren’t many case studies to draw from for analysis.

Despite the difficulty of researching gun regulation, there are a few gun policies with strong evidence of its impact on gun violence. RAND defines supportive as having three studies showing significant effects in the same direction using two independent data sets, with no other studies of comparable or greater rigor contradicting its findings.

Interestingly, studies on child-access prevention laws are able to draw from larger data sets because of a larger proportion of gun-owning households also have kids (e.g., in contrast to the population of gun owners that commit domestic violence). There is also moderate evidence that background checks reduce suicide and violent crime, and that prohibitions on the mentally ill decrease while stand your ground laws increases violent crime.

Also, just because a policy has inconclusive evidence on its impact on reducing gun violence, this doesn’t mean that the policy is ineffective. Rather, there isn’t evidence to prove its effectiveness – unsurprising, given the relative rarity of mass shootings (which is unfortunately changing as we speak).

However, it is fair to claim that even if with more conclusive evidence on gun policy, this would not bring our government any closer to a political resolution on how to effectively regulate gun ownership. For example, climate change issues have strong evidence for the relationship between manmade pollution on global increase in temperatures. However, the lack of rigorous and conclusive research makes it even more difficult to agree on any changes in gun policy, which is clearly needed to curb recent increases in gun violence.  

[biofunmy]

A power ranking of all 32 ‘Downton Abbey’ movie characters

That’s not to suggest the folks upstairs always wielded more power than their downstairs counterparts. Social propriety only dictates outward behavior, and it often seemed as though the Downton servants were the ones who actually pulled the strings. Such is certainly the case in the “Downton” movie, released Friday, more than three years after the British television series concluded its six-season run.

Set in the late 1920s, the movie consists largely of Downton preparing for a royal visit by King George V and Queen Mary. While the Crawleys — Robert, Cora and their daughters Mary and Edith, along with Robert’s mother Violet — deal with the usual family drama and logistical rubbish, everyone downstairs tries their best to resist a complete takeover from the royal family’s hoity-toity servants. There’s very little plot and very much banter, highlighting power grabs both subtle and fierce.

Here is a definitive power ranking of the “Downton” movie characters, from boring and weakest to magnificent and sneakiest. (Note that the blurbs contain plot spoilers.)

The ‘Downton Abbey’ cast wants to take you back to a more innocent time — 2012

32. Richard “Dickie” Grey, a.k.a. Baron Merton (Douglas Reith)

Who he is: A trusted friend of the Crawley family, Dickie is also Mary’s godfather. In the series, he fought with his spoiled children to marry Isobel Crawley, the mother of Mary’s late husband, Matthew Crawley.

Why he ranks here: Dickie is a perfectly fine person, and it is truly a delight to hear people say his name with an English accent. That said, he is entirely a background character in the movie.

31. Phyllis Baxter, lady’s maid to Cora Crawley (Raquel Cassidy)

Who she is: Not to be visually confused with housekeeper Mrs. Hughes, Miss Baxter is a well-intentioned lady’s maid with a criminal record who, in the series, was briefly blackmailed by Thomas Barrow.

Why she ranks here: Like poor Dickie, Miss Baxter is barely a part of the movie. She finally seems to express her romantic interest in Mr. Molesley toward the end, though, so three cheers for that.

30. Captain Chetwode (Stephen Campbell Moore)

Who he is: Captain Chetwode approaches Tom Branson, a Crawley son-in-law, in public with a devious look in his eyes. The captain looks like all the other random men who pass through Downton, making it difficult for Tom to determine who he is or what his true motivations are.

Why he ranks here: Well, he tries to assassinate the king. While Tom, an Irishman, has his own issues with the English monarchy, he foils the captain’s violent plan as soon as he figures it out.

27, 28 & 29. All of the Crawley great-grandchildren: Sybil “Sybbie” Branson (Fifi Hart); George Matthew Crawley (Oliver and Zac Barker); Marigold Crawley (Eva and Karina Samms)

Who they are: Sybbie is Tom’s child with his late wife, Sybil Crawley. George is Mary’s child with her late husband, Matthew. Marigold was born to Edith and Michael Gregson, Edith’s magazine editor boss who mysteriously disappeared in Germany. Such drama!

Why they rank here: The Crawley great-grandchildren are still very young and therefore inconsequential. But they’ll inherit Downton and the Crawley wealth one day, which means they are somewhat powerful.

26. Joseph Molesley, schoolteacher and occasional footman (Kevin Doyle)

Who he is: Mr. Molesley worked as Matthew’s valet until the latter’s death and later returned to Downton as a footman. He discovered his passion for teaching while helping assistant cook Daisy Mason with her studies and eventually left the house altogether to become a schoolteacher.

Why he ranks here: I only want the best for Mr. Molesley, but by golly if this man isn’t one of the most pitiful characters to ever pass through Downton. He practically faints upon seeing the king and queen.

25. The Royal Chef (Philippe Spall)

Who he is: The better question would be, who does he think he is? Sure, he cooks for the king and queen of England, but he is unnecessarily rude to Downton’s Mrs. Patmore from the moment he walks in.

Why he ranks here: Rudeness is only productive if you’re an established part of Downton.

24. The Royal Butler . . . or the King’s Page of the Back Stairs (David Haig)

Who he is: This guy is the Charles Carson of Kensington Palace, in that he’s been loyal to the royal family for a long time and will do anything to appease them. He clarifies to the Downton folk that he is “not a butler” but, in fact, a king’s page of the back stairs. They don’t give that title much thought.

Why he ranks here: He is the absolute worst, but Mr. Haig is quite convincing in the role.

23. Robert Crawley, Earl of Grantham (Hugh Bonneville)

Who he is: Robert is the Crawley family patriarch and owns Downton with his eldest daughter, Mary.

Why he ranks here: I honestly could not tell you a single significant thing Robert accomplishes in this movie aside from continuing to co-own Downton, therefore giving the royals a reason to visit and the movie a reason to exist. But hey, that’s pretty important, right?

22. Herbert “Bertie” Pelham, Marquess of Hexham (Harry Hadden-Paton)

Who he is: Edith married Bertie at the very end of the series and, after enduring six seasons of relentless misery, said she was finally “completely happy.” Bertie became Marigold’s stepfather.

Why he ranks here: Bertie is involved in a B-plot that gets quite a bit of screen time, as the king asks Bertie to embark on a project that would keep him away from his family for three months. Even after Edith informs her husband that she is pregnant and that the assignment would require him to miss the first few months of his child’s life, he hesitates to ask the king to find someone else for the job — understandable, but not the ideal course of action.

21. Andrew “Andy” Parker, footman (Michael C. Fox)

Who he is: Andy is a recently hired footman engaged to Daisy.

Why he ranks here: Andy somewhat annoyingly plays a jealous boyfriend for much of the movie, sparked by a flirty plumber arriving to fix Downton’s boiler. While Andy breaks the boiler in a fit of jealousy, it’s pretty cool that he loves Daisy and disregards the monarchy enough to risk sabotaging the royal visit.

20. Cora Crawley, Countess of Grantham (Elizabeth McGovern)

Who she is: Cora is an American heiress married to Robert, with whom she had Mary, Edith and Sybil. She has a fun muddled accent and enjoys providing commentary on strange English customs from an American perspective, which makes her a valuable asset for stateside viewers.

Why she ranks here: Cora senses that Edith is upset and, after learning of the conundrum, takes it upon herself to instead appeal to the queen on Edith and Bertie’s behalf. It works. Hurrah for involved mothers!

18 & 19. King George V (Simon Jones) and Queen Mary (Geraldine James)

Who they are: King George V was the grandfather of the current queen, Elizabeth II. He married Mary of Teck, and together they had six kids — five boys and one girl, Princess Mary, who appears in the movie.

Why they rank here: They’re very powerful in life but don’t do much for the plot, other than show up at Downton and later allow Bertie to stay home with Edith, so they land in the middle(ish) of the ranking.

17. Richard Ellis, perhaps a valet? (Max Brown)

Who he is: Richard works for the royal family and, just like Barrow, seems to get the short end of the stick from time to time.

Why he ranks here: Richard appears to be sweet on Barrow, which is proven true after he bails Barrow out of jail and later kisses him. Though this is admirably bold for the era in which “Downton” is set, Barrow was only jailed in the first place because he went to a gay club with another man after Richard was extremely late to a date he had planned with Barrow.

16. John Bates, valet (Brendan Coyle)

Who he is: Bates is Robert’s soft-spoken valet, and Anna Bates’s husband. He was hired at Downton after having saved Robert’s life while they both served in the second Boer War.

Why he ranks here: Though Bates usually tries to avoid stirring up trouble, he and Anna mastermind a plan to (rightfully) regain control of Downton from the royal family’s servants.

15. Lucy Smith, lady’s maid-turned-companion of Maud Bagshaw (Tuppence Middleton)

Who she is: Lucy, said to be a lady’s maid, accompanies the Crawleys’ relative Maud Bagshaw to Downton for the royal visit, during which Violet tries as best as she can to figure out why the childless Maud hasn’t listed Robert as a beneficiary in her will. Maud prefers to call Lucy her companion, and it is later revealed that they are actually mother and daughter.

Why she ranks here: Though uncomfortable with the tiff between her mother and Violet, Lucy stands her ground when it comes to her inheritance — commendable, given how frightening Violet can be.

14. Princess Mary (Kate Phillips)

Who she is: Princess Mary is the king and queen’s only daughter. She prioritizes her duty to her country over her own happiness and therefore remains in a loveless marriage to a dull, controlling man.

Why she ranks here: Princess Mary struggles with what to do about her marriage, given that a divorce would toss the royal family into scandal. After Tom spots her crying about it outside Downton — as an Irishman, he has no idea who she is — the two of them chat vaguely about obligations to their respective families. Princess Mary is inspired to stand up to her husband, telling him that they have no choice but to change for both of their sakes.

13. Henry Talbot, co-owner of Talbot and Branson Motors (Matthew Goode)

Who he is: Henry and Mary got married at the end of the series, and they have a daughter together. Though he lives at Downton, Henry often travels to different car shows for work (and fun).

Why he ranks here: Henry spends most of the movie away at a Detroit car show because the actor who plays him wasn’t able to fit a full “Downton” shoot into his schedule. He nevertheless receives an entrance scene so dramatic that it rivals the king and queen’s. (Author’s note: I will forever think of Matthew Goode as the guy from 2004′s “Chasing Liberty.” If you’ve seen that, you know how much he puts up with in it, and you’ll agree that Mr. Goode deserves this dramatic scene as restitution.)

12. Charles Carson, retired butler (Jim Carter)

Who he is: The curmudgeonly Mr. Carson rose through the ranks at Downton and eventually became the butler. Though he retired because of health issues, he worked for the Crawleys for so long that the family members, especially Mary, treat him as one of their own. He is married to Mrs. Hughes, the housekeeper.

Why he ranks here: Mary asks Mr. Carson to replace Barrow as butler for the duration of the royal visit, and he agrees. This is rather mean to Barrow on both of their parts — he’s trying his best! — but it’s hard not to notice the respect with which the Downton staff treats Mr. Carson.

11. Isobel Grey, née Crawley, Baroness Merton (Penelope Wilton)

Who she is: Isobel, a former nurse, moved to Downton at the start of the series with her son, Matthew. She remained close to the Crawleys even after Matthew’s death — becoming close frenemies with Violet while co-chairing the hospital — and later married Lord Merton.

Why she ranks here: Isobel tries to act as a mediator in the conflict over who will inherit Maud’s wealth. Unlike Violet, she is able to sense that there is more to Maud’s relationship with Lucy, and encourages Maud to tell Violet the truth in order to put the argument to rest once and for all.

10. Beryl Patmore, cook (Lesley Nicol)

Who she is: Mrs. Patmore is the witty cook who runs Downton’s kitchen. She is exceedingly strict but cares deeply for those she knows well, stepping in as a mother figure to her assistant, Daisy.

Why she ranks here: Along with Daisy, Mrs. Patmore is never afraid to speak her mind — especially when it comes to the royal staff invading her kitchen.

9. Elsie Carson, née Hughes, head housekeeper (Phyllis Logan)

Who she is: Mrs. Hughes is the head housekeeper. She is married to Mr. Carson.

Why she ranks here: With Mr. Carson technically out of Downton, Mrs. Hughes is the most powerful person downstairs. She is the no-nonsense type, and will always look out for her people.

8. Thomas “Tom” Branson, co-owner of Talbot and Branson Motors (Allen Leech)

Who he is: Tom came to Downton as a chauffeur but became a member of the family after marrying Sybil Crawley, against her family’s wishes. They eventually warmed up to him and, following Sybil’s death, he continued to help manage and live at Downton for his daughter’s sake.

Why he ranks here: Tom doesn’t consider himself to be a member of the aristocracy given his humble roots and, as such, is likely the most level-headed character upstairs. Not only does he provide emotional support to Princess Mary and Lucy, two strangers, but he also saves the king’s life.

7. Violet Crawley, Dowager Countess of Grantham (Maggie Smith)

Who she is: As Robert’s mother, Violet is the senior member of the Crawley family. She reveals to her granddaughter Mary that her health is failing, and as such, aims to tie up all her loose ends.

Why she ranks here: Yes, Violet’s quarrel with Maud is a bit much, but it is comforting to see that she has remained her witty, combative self. After someone accuses her of being Machiavellian, for example, she responds, “Machiavelli is frequently underrated. He had many qualities.”

6. Mary Talbot, née Crawley, heir to Downton (Michelle Dockery)

Who she is: Mary is the eldest Crawley daughter and co-owns Downton with her father.

Why she ranks here: Though Mary can be quite prissy at times, it’s notable that Violet points to her, and not Robert, as the future of Downton. As might be uttered in HBO’s “Succession,” Mary is the No. 1 Boy.

5. Thomas Barrow, butler (Rob James-Collier)

Who he is: Barrow, a former footman, stepped in as butler at Downton after Mr. Carson retired.

Why he ranks here: Barrow was an irritating backstabber for much of the series, but we eventually got to know and appreciate him. When Robert and Mary inform him that Mr. Carson will be taking over for the duration of the royal visit, Barrow is appropriately snippy and storms off. The act of insubordination takes Robert by surprise and, instead of firing Barrow, he admires him.

4. Daisy Mason, assistant cook (Sophie McShera)

Who she is: Once a kitchen maid, Daisy worked her way up to being Mrs. Patmore’s assistant.

Why she ranks here: Daisy’s rebellious streak is more evident than ever before when the royal servants arrive. She has fully come out of her shell and amusingly defends Downton at one point by saying, “We’re not footballs, Mr. Bates, we don’t deserve a kicking!” They most certainly do not.

3. Edith Pelham, née Crawley, Marchioness of Hexham (Laura Carmichael)

Who she is: Edith is the second Crawley daughter, and Marigold’s mother. She is married to Bertie.

Why she ranks here: Though she was for a long time the self-pitying Crawley sister, Edith has finally learned to take a stand when called for. She is very direct with Bertie about his needing to turn down the king’s assignment and, after Bertie says that she should have told him earlier that she was pregnant, she informs him that he will not be making any of this her fault. Growth! We love to see it.

2. Anna Bates, née Smith, lady’s maid to Mary Talbot (Joanne Froggatt)

Who she is: Anna is Mary’s lady’s maid but has become more of a friend over time. (Remember, she helped deal with the whole Pamuk-dying-in-Mary’s-bed situation back in the first season.)

Why she ranks here: Anna spearheads the downstairs rebellion and also blackmails the royal seamstress, who has been stealing from Downton throughout the visit. How far our meek Anna has come.

1. Maud Bagshaw, Crawley relative and lady-in-waiting to Queen Mary (Imelda Staunton)

Who she is: Maud is a baronness who serves the queen. She is a cousin of Violet’s late husband and somehow inherited an estate from him. She and Violet aren’t the best of friends.

Why she ranks here: American viewers might recognize Imelda Staunton as Dolores Umbridge from the “Harry Potter” films and, while Maud isn’t at all evil, she is just as stubborn. It’s difficult to win a fight against Violet — she’s the Dowager Countess, for heaven’s sake! — but Maud has what it takes, and seems to care endlessly for her daughter, Lucy. If they ever do make a movie sequel, we hope Maud makes a special appearance.

Sahred From Source link Entertainment

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[keevaroisinharkin]

Bullet in the Brain By, Tobias Wolff.

 Anders couldn’t get to the bank until just before it closed, so of course the line was endless and he got stuck behind two women whose loud, stupid conversation put him in a murderous temper.  He was never in the best of tempers anyway, Anders – a book critic known for the weary, elegant savagery with which he dispatched almost everything he reviewed.

With the line still doubled around the rope, one of the tellers stuck a “POSITION CLOSED” sign in her window and walked to the back of the bank, where she leaned against a desk and began to pass the time with a man shuffling papers.  The women in front of Anders broke off their conversation and watched the teller with hatred.

“Oh, that’s nice,” one of them said.  She turned to Anders and added, confident of his accord, “One of those little human touches that keep us coming back for more.”

Anders had conceived his own towering hatred of the teller, but he immediately turned it on the presumptuous cry baby in front of him.

“Damned unfair,” he said.  “Tragic, really.  If they’re not chopping off the wrong leg, or bombing your ancestral village, they’re closing their positions.”

She stood her ground.

 “I didn’t say it was tragic,” she said.  “I just think it’s a pretty lousy way to treat your customers.”

“Unforgivable,” Anders said.  “Heaven will take note.”

She sucked in her cheeks but stared past him and said nothing.  Anders saw that the other woman, her friend, was looking in the same direction.  And then the tellers stopped what they were doing, and the customers slowly turned, and silence came over the bank.  Two men wearing black ski masks and blue business suits were standing to the side of the door.  One of them had a pistol pressed against the guard’s neck.  The guard’s eyes were closed, and his lips were moving.  The other man had a sawed-off shotgun.

 “Keep your big mouth shut!” the man with the pistol said, though no one had spoken a word. “One of you tellers hits the alarm, you’re all dead meat.  Got it?”

The tellers nodded.

“Oh, bravo, “Anders said. “Dead meat.” He turned to the woman in front of him.  “Great script, eh? The stern, brass-knuckled poetry of the dangerous classes.”

She looked at him with drowning eyes. The man with the shotgun pushed the guard to his knees.  He handed up the shotgun to his partner and yanked the guard’s wrists up behind his back and locked them together with a pair of handcuffs. He toppled him onto the floor with a kick between the shoulder blades.  Then he took his shotgun back and went over to the security gate at the end of the counter.  He was short and heavy and moved with peculiar slowness, even torpor.

“Buzz him in,” his partner said.  The man with the shotgun opened the gate and sauntered along the line of tellers, handing each of them a hefty bag. When he came to the empty position he looked over at the man with the pistol, who said,

“Whose slot is that?”

Anders watched the teller.  She put her hand to her throat and turned to the man she’d been talking to.  He nodded.

“Mine,” she said.

“Then get your ugly ass in gear and fill that bag.”

“There you go,” Anders said to the woman in front of him.  “Justice is done.”

“Hey! Bright boy! Did I tell you talk?”

“No,” Anders said.

“Then shut your trap.”

“Did you hear that?” Anders said.  “’Bright boy.’ Right out of ‘The Killers’.”

“Please be quiet,” the woman said.

“Hey, you deaf or what?” The man with the pistol walked over to Anders.  He poked the weapon into Anders’ gut.  “You think I’m playing games?”

“No,” Anders said, but the barrel tickled like a stiff finger and he had to fight back the titters.  He did this by making himself stare into the man’s eyes, which were clearly visible behind the holes in the mask:  pale blue, and raw red-rimmed.  The man’s left eyelid kept twitching.  He breathed out a piercing, ammoniac smell that shocked Anders more than anything that had happened, and he was beginning to develop a sense of unease when the man prodded him again with the pistol.

“You like me, bright boy?” he said.  “You want to suck my dick?”

“No,” Anders said.

“Then stop looking at me.”

Anders fixed his gaze on the man’s shiny wing-top shoes.

“Not down there.  Up there.” He stuck the pistol under Anders’ chin and pushed it upward until Anders was looking at the ceiling. Anders had never paid much attention to that part of the bank, a pompous old building with marble floors and counters and pillars, and gilt scrollwork over the tellers’ cages.  The domed ceiling had been decorated with mythological figures whose fleshy, toga-draped ugliness Anders had taken in at a glance many years earlier and afterward declined to notice.  Now he had no choice but to scrutinize the painter’s work.  It was even worse than he remembered, and all of it executed with the utmost gravity.  

The artist had a few tricks up his sleeve and used them again and again ��� a certain

rosy blush on the underside of the clouds, a coy backward glance on the faces of the cupids and fauns.  The ceiling was crowded with various dramas, but the one that caught Anders’ eye was Zeus and Europa – portrayed, in this rendition, as a bull ogling a cow from behind a haystack.  To make the cow sexy, the painter had canted her hips suggestively and given her long, droopy eyelashes through which she gazed back at the bull with sultry welcome. The bull wore a smirk and his eyebrows were arched.  If there’d been a bubble coming out of his  mouth, it would have said,

“Hubba hubba.”

“What’s so funny, bright boy?”

“Nothing.”

“You think I’m comical?  You think I’m some kind of clown?”

“No.”

“You think you can fuck with me?”

“No.”

“Fuck with me again, you’re history.  Capiche?”

Anders burst our laughing.  He covered his mouth with both hands and said,

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” then snorted helplessly through his fingers and said, “Capiche – oh, God, capiche,” and at that the man with the pistol raised the pistol and shot Anders right in the head.

The bullet smashed Anders’ skull and ploughed through his brain and exited behind his right ear, scattering shards of bone into the cerebral cortex, the corpus  callosum, back toward the basal ganglia, and down into the thalamus.  But before all this occurred, the first appearance of the bullet in the cerebrum set off a crackling chain of ion transports and neuro-transmissions.  Because of their peculiar origin these traced a peculiar patter, flukishly calling to life a summer afternoon some forty years past, and long since lost to memory. After striking the cranium the bullet was moving at 900 feet per second, a pathetically sluggish, glacial pace compared to the synaptic lighting that flashed around it.  

Once in the brain, that is, the bullet came under the mediation of brain time, which gave Anders plenty of leisure to contemplate the scene that, in a phrase he would have abhorred, “passed before his eyes.”

It is worth noting what Anders did not remember, given what he did remember.  He did not remember his first lover, Sherry, or what he had most madly loved about her, before it came to irritate him – her unembarrassed carnality, and especially the cordial way she had with his unit, which she called Mr. Mole, as in, “Uh-oh, looks like Mr. Mole wants to play,” and “Let’s hide Mr. Mole!”  

Anders did not remember his wife, whom he had also loved before she exhausted him with her predictability, or his daughter, now a sullen professor of economics at Dartmouth.  He did not remember standing just outside his daughter’s door as she lectured her bear about his naughtiness and described the truly appalling punishments Paws would receive unless he changed his ways.  He did not remember a single line of the hundreds of poems he had committed to memory in his youth so that he could give himself the shivers at will – not “Silent, upon a peak in Darien,” or “My God, I heard this day,” or “All my pretty ones? Did you say all? O hell-kite! All?”

None of these did he remember; not one. Anders did not remember his dying mother saying of his father, “I should have stabbed him in his sleep.” He did not remember Professor Josephs telling his class how Athenian prisoners in Sicily had been released if they could recite Aeschylus, and then reciting Aeschylus himself, right there, in the Greek.  Anders did not remember how his eyes had burned at those sounds.  He did not remember the surprise of seeing a college classmate’s name on the jacket of a novel not long after they graduated, or the respect he had felt after reading the book.  He did not remember the pleasure of

giving respect.

Nor did Anders remember seeing a woman leap to her death from the building opposite his own just days after his daughter was born. He did not remember shouting, “Lord have mercy!” He did not remember deliberately crashing his father’s car in to a tree, of having his ribs kicked in by three policemen at an anti-war rally, or waking himself up with laughter.  He did not remember when he began to regard the heap of books on his desk with boredom and dread, or when he grew angry at writers for writing them. He did not remember when everything began to remind him of something else.

This is what he remembered.  Heat.  A baseball field.  Yellow grass, the whirr of insects, himself leaning against a tree as the boys of the neighbourhood gather for a pickup game.  He looks on as the others argue the relative genius of Mantle and Mays. They have been worrying this subject all summer, and it has become tedious to Anders:  an oppression, like the heat. Then the last two boys arrive, Coyle and a cousin of his from Mississippi.  

Anders has never met Coyle’s cousin before and will never see him again.  He says hi with the rest but takes no further notice of him until they’ve chosen sides and someone asks the cousin what position he wants to play.  

“Shortstop,” the boy says.  “Short’s the best position they is.” Anders turns and looks at him. He wants to hear Coyle’s cousin repeat what he’s just said, but he knows better than to ask.  The others will think he’s being a jerk, ragging the kid for his grammar.  But that isn’t it, not at all – it’s that Anders is strangely roused, elated, by those final two words, their pure unexpectedness and their music.  He takes the field in a trance, repeating them to himself.

The bullet is already in the brain; it won’t be outrun forever, or charmed to a halt.  In the end it will do its work and leave the troubled skull behind, dragging its comet’s tail of memory and hope and talent and love into the marble hall of commerce.  That can’t be helped.  

But for now Anders can still make time.  Time for the shadows to lengthen on the grass, time for the tethered dog to bark at the flying ball, time for the boy in right field to smack his sweat-blackened mitt and softly chant, They is, they is, they is.

[sinceileftyoublog]

Loyle Carner Album Review: Yesterday’s Gone

BY JORDAN MAINZER

British MC Benjamin Coyle-Larner, more widely known by his spoonerism stage name Loyle Carner, has slowly climbed the ranks after supporting MF Doom, Joey Bada$$, and Nas and collaborating with Kate Tempest. But after his debut album Yesterday’s Gone, it’s clear he deserves a headlining spot of his own. The album is a deeply personal look at his life, from dealing with ADHD to the absence of his biological father. At times melancholy and very serious, Carner still finds room for clever wordplay, his flow unabashedly retro while the songs’ hooks and production are modern. Backed by funk and smooth jazz instrumentation while still including contemporary hip hop tropes like humorous interludes and soulful samples, Yesterday’s Gone is an assured debut and one of the best hip hop albums of the year so far.  

The album opens with the stunning “The Isle of Arran”. Backed by a sample of gospel standard “The Lord Will Make a Way” and a funk strut, Carner introduces us to what’s been on his mind: that his dad was never around. For the rest of the album, he shares anecdotes on how he’s had to deal with his problems without that male influence. “Ain’t Nothing Changed” shows him describing troubles of upward mobility, while “Seamstress” details his drinking problem. He also discusses his relationship with troubled friends. On “Stars & Shards”, he raps that his friend was “cutting more lines than disabled kids up in Thorpe Park” and later on “No C.D.” to “keep your spine straighter than a blind homophobic.”

But overall, Yesterday’s Gone is an effective statement of honesty and identity. Over a rock riff on “No C.D.”, Carner spits, “We got some old Jay Zs, couple ODBs / Place 'em up in perfect order 'cause my OCD won't let me,” coupling the grand tradition of paying tribute to past legends while giving us a window into his own head. The sprawling closer “Sun of Jean” sees Carner saying, “I wasn’t running from the beast, I was running from myself.” It’s a stream-of-consciousness epic that covers everything from parental influence to ADHD to opening for Nas.

Most charming on Yesterday’s Gone are the aww shucks family moments that are not overly sentimental. Well, sometimes. “Mrs C”’s cheesy handheld drum beat, saxophone, and piano soundtracks an otherwise sweet “Hey Mama”-indebted tribute. “No-one makes a better bagel, some have come close / But the way you make the bacon is the bun toast / There's something special, couldn't sum it up in one quote / So these first four lines devoted to that one dose,” raps Carner. (His own mother actually delivers a verse on “Sun of Jean” in spoken word form.) “Swear” is the best interlude; it’s a talk with his mom about swearing in front of one another.

Coupled with sincerity is Carner’s incredible delivery and way with words. “Mean It In The Morning” is Earl Sweatshirt levels of laid back but Chance the Rapper in terms of tone. “But your choice / It was only your voice that could sooth me and save / Til I'm showing your boys how to glow / Others grow / Blowing your noise / So I stop and I thank you for showing those joys,” Carner raps. The most impressive song on Yesterday’s Gone is “Florence”. Over drum machine and piano and featuring a fantastic Kwes hook, Carner raps, “Freckle faced fidgeter, me but miniature.” A song about his imaginary sister, “Florence” opens with these six words that quickly show both his penchant for alliteration and rhyme and pride in his mixed heritage. Carner is more succinct and appropriately descriptive than layered with his words, making Yesterday’s Gone more of a riveting auto-biography than a collection of poems. There may be not much room for abstraction or interpretation, but there’s a whole lot of room for symbiotic appreciation, respect, and enjoyment.

8.2/10

[westernmanews]

SPRINGFIELD, Mass. (WWLP) - The ex-girlfriend of former Springfield police detective Steven Vigneault has filed a restraining order against him.  The restraining order complaint was issued one day after Steven Vigneault filed a civil lawsuit against the Springfield Police Commissioner and others.  The ex-girlfriend is Springfield police officer Gail Gethins.  Vigneault’s lawyer alleges she filed the restraining order for “improper purposes to aid the Springfield Police Department.”

The 22News I-Team went to Palmer District Court on Friday to see the restraining order.   Officer Gail Gethins filed it on January 25th, one day after Vigneault filed a civil lawsuit.  There is a motion hearing scheduled for Monday on the restraining order.  For the time being, Vigneault must remain 100 yards away from Gethins and stay away from the Springfield police department.

The complaint states that Gethins and Vigneault broke up in September, but he hasn’t left her alone since.  Gethins says Vigneault has gone to her house and refused to leave, followed her to her gym and sent her an excessive number of text messages.  Gethins says she previously filed a report with the East Longmeadow police department, who pulled Vigneault over and served him with a trespass order.  On January 20th, Vigneault sent her flowers with a long note.  She is seeking an abuse prevention order.  At no time does she claim that Vigneault ever physically abused her.

Vigneault’s attorney Shawn Allyn told the I-Team, “We empathize with Officer Gethins.  She is in fear of her job, not Mr. Vigneault.  She waited until the day after a civil action was filed making no claim of threats or violence to her.  She truly is a victim of abuse, but the Springfield Police Department and Officer Bigda, not my client.”

In Vigneault’s whistleblower lawsuit, he claims that in March 2016, Officer Gregg Bigda had threatened both himself and Officer Gethins while carrying a gun.   Bigda and Gethins had previously dated, but the relationship was over for more than a year.  Around midnight on that March night, the lawsuit claims that Bigda forced his way into Gethins home and assaulted both Vigneault and Gethins.  After a struggle, Bigda left, but returned later that night. The lawsuit alleged Bigda threatened to kill Gethins and Vigneault.   Gethins had received a protective order against Bigda. Days later, the lawsuit claims that Bigda called Gethins and said, “Hey Whore! Nice to meet ya, I’ll take care of all you people… in the future.” Vigneault says that Bigda told him “I will get you transferred out of the narcotics unit and ruin your career.”

In the lawsuit, obtained by 22News, Vigneault said he was forced to resign under false pretenses.

Vigneault also claims he watched Officer Bigda and others drink alcohol on the job at the police station, claiming Bigda was often drunk on duty while carrying his gun. Then was reprimanded when he brought those allegations to supervisors.

On the February night, where Bigda was caught on camera at the Palmer holding cell threatening teenagers, Vigneault claims Bigda was drinking rum throughout the night. The threats caught on camera included Bigda saying he would “plant a kilo of coke” on a juvenile and “put him away for 15 years” and crush their skulls with a “bloody boot.”  Several drug cases have been dismissed due to that video.

A Wilbraham police officer’s report stated that one of the juveniles was kicked in the face during the pursuit. The report did not state which officer attacked the juvenile.

After an internal affairs investigation, in August of 2016, Vigneault claims that Commissioner John Barbieri told Union President Joseph Gentile to tell Vigneault to resign or be fired. Gentile had told Vigneault that the Wilbraham police officer who filed the report was going to testify at a hearing that Vigneault kicked the juvenile in the face. Fearing a loss of his pension, Vigneault resigned.  The lawsuit claims that at no time was the Wilbraham police officer able to identify who kicked the juvenile.

A hearing on the civil lawsuit is scheduled for February 3rd. Named in the lawsuit were Springfield Police Commissioner John Barbieri, Police Department Union President Joseph Gentile, Attorney Kevin Coyle, the International Brotherhood of Police Officers, Local 364 and Springfield police officer Gregg Bigda.  Attorney Allyn has filed an emergency motion to allow the western Massachusetts constables to serve Bigda and Union President Joe Gentile at the police department.  Allyn says that Sgt. John Delaney has refused to allow the constable to get past the lobby and serve the defendants.