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lady-harrowhark · 2 years

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Locked Tomb Characters as Taylor Swift Songs

hey there tlt demons, it’s me... your local taylor swift girl. credentials include over 15 years of swiftie experience and a well documented primal urge to infodump about both the locked tomb AND taylor swift. more under the cut because this thing is a beast. let’s get into it.

(update: Spotify link added in the comments)

Gideon: The Story of Us. Listen. Gideon is a Speak Now girlie. I will die on this hill. Everything is so cinematic - the fireworks, the kissing in the rain, it’s just like her comic books! She will absolutely be singing this album in the shower. And if you have anything to say about it? Sucks to have shitty taste, my dude, sounds like you hate fun.

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room And we're not speaking and I'm dying to know Is it killing you like it's killing me yeah I don't know what to say since the twist of fate When it all broke down and the story of us Looks a lot like a tragedy now... next chapter

Harrow: Hoax. Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “How dare you assign her a song not from Reputation?” And aesthetically, I hear you. She probably wants you to think that, actually. But while Harrow can identify with Reputation’s themes of the juxtaposition of public persona and private identity, she viscerally rejects the sweetness and vulnerability of Rep era tracks like Call It What You Want and New Year’s Day. But Folklore... Folklore is for abject despair. Hoax is Harrow crying into the mattress, remembering what she’s done. Hoax is “I still love you.”

My only one, my smoking gun, my eclipsed sun This has broken me down My twisted knife, my sleepless night, my win-less fight This has frozen my ground Stood on the cliffside, screaming, "Give me a reason" Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in

Ianthe: Better Than Revenge. We’re not supposed to like this one. In theory, the description of “Diss track about ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend, written by an 18 year old” doesn’t really hold any appeal for me. But when you listen to it, you can’t help but love it in all its nasty glory. Sometimes women are mean, and I need a song to scream to about it. (Ianthe thinks she’s doing Dress with Harrow. She’s not.)

I never saw it coming, wouldn’t have suspected it I underestimated just who I was dealing with She had to know the pain was beating on me like a drum She underestimated just who she was stealing from

Coronabeth: Mirrorball. Corona is an expert at reflecting back what people want to see. She studies military history for Judith, learns all about shuttles for a boy who wouldn’t look twice at her, she pulls off the long con of convincing the empire she’s a necromancer. She’s a mirrorball.

I'm still a believer but I don't know why I've never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try I'm still on that trapeze, I'm still trying everything To keep you looking at me Because I'm a mirrorball, I’m a mirrorball I'll show you every version of yourself tonight

Palamedes: Champagne Problems. Oof. You must have known this one was coming, right? Unlike most of the songs on this list, Palamedes is the subject of this song rather than the narrator. You know who the narrator is.

Your mom's ring in your pocket, my picture in your wallet Your heart was glass, I dropped it: champagne problems ... One for the money, two for the show I never was ready, so I watch you go Sometimes you just don't know the answer 'Til someone's on their knees and asks you

Camilla: I’m Only Me When I’m With You. A personal favorite of mine that doesn’t get nearly the love it deserves. If this isn’t her and Palamedes, I don’t know what to tell you. And after the events of NtN... um...

And I know everything about you, I don't wanna live without you I'm only up when you're not down Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground It's like no matter what I do Well, you drive me crazy half the time The other half I'm only trying To let you know that what I feel is true And I'm only me when I'm with you

Nona: A Place in This World. Nona Palona. Kiddie. Junior. No-No. Cutie Pie. Lil Bits. Was there ever any other choice for her? This song is the perfect blend of slice-of-life and the inherent isolation of Figuring Out What Your Deal Is. Some people’s deal is being the soul of a murdered planet in someone else’s body, you know? It happens.

Got the radio on, my old blue jeans And I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve Feeling lucky today, got the sunshine Could you tell me what more do I need? And tomorrow's just a mystery, oh yeah, but that's okay ... Oh, I’m just a girl, trying to find a place in this world

Pyrrha: Right Where You Left Me. Look, I’m sorry about this one. But if you really expected me to pick anything else for the woman who’s spent the past ten thousand years watching every person she’s ever loved leave her behind in one way or another? That’s on you.

Friends break up, friends get married Strangers get born, strangers get buried Trends change, rumors fly through new skies But I'm right where you left me Matches burn after the other Pages turn and stick to each other Wages earned and lessons learned But I'm right where you left me ... You left me no choice but to stay here forever

Alecto: My Tears Ricochet. This song never fails to give me the chills when I listen to it in the car. Taylor’s ghost story metaphor for being taken advantage of by her record label until she was forced to leave maps on eerily well to John’s betrayal. I’ve been trying to be succinct in my lyrical excerpts, but fuck it, Alecto can have two stanzas, as a treat.

We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring You know I didn't want to have to haunt you But what a ghostly scene You wear the same jewels that I gave you As you bury me

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same Cursing my name, wishing I stayed You turned into your worst fears

John: Dear John. Honestly, any number of characters could be the narrator here, but I’m primarily thinking of Alecto. Mercy was right about putting an age limit on the Lyctor trials: “don’t you think nineteen’s too young?” John is also getting two stanzas to better exemplify the extent of my rage here. Fingers crossed for Alecto shining like fireworks over his sad empty town in AtN!

Well maybe it's me and my blind optimism to blame Maybe it's you and your sick need to give love then take it away And you'll add my name to your long list of traitors who don't understand And I'll look back and regret how I ignored when they said "Run as fast as you can"

You are an expert at sorry, and keeping the lines blurry Never impressed by me acing your tests All the girls that you've run dry have tired, lifeless eyes 'Cause you burned them out But I took your matches before fire could catch me, so don't look now I'm shining like fireworks over your sad, empty town

Kiriona: Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve. Right up front, I will acknowledge that this is a much different context than Taylor wrote this song about. However, the imagery is so spot on for Kiriona’s rage. Taylor was right to save this one for the 3 AM version of Midnights, not because it doesn’t deserve to be on the standard album, but because it would have completely overshadowed every other track with the rawness of her anger and regret. I feel physically ill every time I hear the line “Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first.” And Kiriona’s no stranger to giving someone your whole life and realizing they didn’t even want it.

God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind I regret you all the time I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign I regret you all the time

Mercymorn: Anti-Hero. I feel this one so strongly that I have actually already made a separate post comparing the lyrics to specific Mercy quotes (and I kind of want to do the same for Kiriona… hmmm). Unlovable Mercymorn, critical Mercymorn... it must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero.

It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me At tea time, everybody agrees I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

Augustine: The Archer. You know, I almost gave him Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince just for the drama and scheming, but I think The Archer captures the genteel façade overlaying his true feelings. It brings to mind the conversation during Dios Apate (minor) where he says he wants to believe that he could’ve stopped Alfred if he’d had just a bit more time. Ouch.

All the king's horses, all the king's men Couldn't put me together again 'Cause all of my enemies started out friends Help me hold onto you

G1deon: I Knew You Were Trouble. We know it, we love it, we laughed ‘til we cried over the version with goat noises edited in. He knew he was playing with fire, and look how things ended up.

I knew you were trouble when you walked in So shame on me now Flew me to places I'd never been Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground

Wake: Cowboy Like Me. A country ballad? For Wake? It’s more likely than you think. Cowboy Like Me is the story of two swindlers who didn’t mean to actually catch feelings... sound familiar?

Now you hang from my lips Like the Gardens of Babylon With your boots beneath my bed Forever is the sweetest con I've had some tricks up my sleeve Takes one to know one You're a cowboy like me And I’m never gonna love again

Pash: philosophical exemption

Judith: Enchanted. I knowwww, it seems a little frilly and glittery for Judith, but hear me out. How starstruck she was over Marta, how working with her for the first time did absolutely nothing to change that. Thinking of no one else until she’s able to suggest her for her cavalier, secretly reading, ahem, “materials” and dreaming about making things different between them... Yeah, Judith was definitely enchanted to meet her.

This is me praying that This was the very first page Not where the story line ends My thoughts will echo your name, until I see you again These are the words I held back, as I was leaving too soon I was enchanted to meet you

Cytherea: Look What You Made Me Do. The old Cytherea can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Cause she’s dead! I love this for Cyth, not just for surface level content, which certainly fits, but for the context of the song. When LWYMMD was first released, the public consensus was that it was a response to the whole Kim/Kanye situation. In the years since, though, it’s become public that behind the scenes, Taylor was struggling to regain control of her work from her record label. With that context, much of the lyrics and music video reflect that conflict, rather than the one everyone assumed. In the same way, Cytherea’s motivation and actions look much different through the lens of what we learn throughout the next two books.

But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time I got a list of names, and yours is in red, underlined I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!

Dulcie: Bigger Than The Whole Sky. This one hurts. In a series full of tragedy, the fact that this delightful menace never got to meet Palamedes and Camilla in person is enough to break my heart. Our sweet little malign fairy, who has never done anything wrong in her life.

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye You were bigger than the whole sky You were more than just a short time And I've got a lot to pine about I've got a lot to live without I'm never gonna meet What could've been, would've been What should've been you

Abigail: September. Not a Taylor Swift original, but her folksy cover of the classic is so soft and cozy. Comforting, in that Abigail way. If she and Magnus danced to this one, I can’t blame him for keeping a scrap of her dance card.

Our hearts were ringin' In the key that our souls were singin' As we danced in the night, remember How the stars stole the night away

Magnus: Starlight. More songs for saving dance cards! I can imagine him both sweetly dancing with Abigail AND being a huge dork and embarrassing Isaac and Jeannemary to this one. (Noooooo Magnus, don’t dance to Taylor Swift!)

And I said, "Oh my, what a marvelous tune" It was the best night, never would forget how we moved The whole place was dressed to the nines And we were dancing, dancing Like we're made of starlight, starlight

Isaac and Jeannemary: Long Live. Because that’s what they should’ve been able to do, ugh. I sort of meant this as a joke but when I went to copy the lyrics over I started getting all teary-eyed, so, you know. It’s fine.

Will you take a moment? Promise me this That you'll stand by me forever But if, God forbid, fate should step in And force us into a goodbye If you have children some day When they point to the pictures Please tell 'em my name Tell 'em how the crowds went wild Tell 'em how I hope they shine Long live the walls we crashed through I had the time of my life with you

Cassiopeia: Vigilante Shit. I love the image of Cassy as a contract lawyer vigilante, but I also love the implications in this song that she was working behind his back with his wife Alecto. Gotta make sure she gets the Benz in the divorce, and if the FBI get involved? Well, that’s out of her hands at that point [sips coffee].

She needed cold hard proof so I gave her some She had the envelope, where you think she got it from? Now she gets the house, gets the kids, gets the pride Picture me thick as thieves with your ex-wife

Anastasia: Haunted. The church bells! The drama! So very Ninth. With Haunted, we get both her devastation at “misapprehending” the ascension process and her growing horror at the ways she’s begun to realize they’ve all been manipulated.

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this I thought I had you figured out Something's gone terribly wrong You're all I wanted Come on, come on, don't leave me like this I thought I had you figured out Can't breathe whenever you're gone Can't turn back now, I'm haunted

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lilyliveredlittlerichboy · 1 year

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A different skull: The 8th. Doesn't have to do with the Eighth house necessarily. Ianthe is the "Eigth" to be taken into the Emperor's service as Lyctor, right?

Could mean more Ianthe. Or could mean some actual people from the 8th house. I forgot what the 8th in GtN were called - the nephew and uncle pair. They both died, though.

This is a second person chapter, so post-them dying, presumably.

you were seated in some kind of chair being wheeled down an Erebos corridor, and that someone had pinched a high cervical nerve right into your spinal cord—not deforming the bone at all, but manipulating the flesh only—in such a way that you were locked out of your body from the neck down.

you fucking WHAT??????

They can do that??????

Hey, Tamsyn Muir, that's terrifying.

(Anatomy brain in me is going: Oh she can breathe, so C5 at the earliest, MAYBE C4. She should still have SOME movement in the neck, as Trapezius and Sternocleidomastoid are innervated by a cranial nerve- I'll suspend my disbelief for a second and believe that it would not be enough to fully raise her head.)

(Direct anatomy questions to me, please. I love anatomy. I have a full degree in it. I don't get to nerd out about anatomy nearly as often as I would like to. It's a special interest <3)

a thick, fatty webbing joined the hilt to your forearm, a webbing that you had no memory of creating but was nonetheless your lacework. Perhaps you had woken up at an earlier point to stash the letters down your shift and fix the blade to your arm; you did not recall, but that was not unusual. Sometimes your conscious days were dreamlike ordinances of movement, functions, sounds.

Another insight into her mind: she often has memory lapses like this. I mean, we kinda knew that from the letters, though that may have been exceptional circumstances. Apparently, it wasn't.

You concentrated hard on whatever had been done to the back of your neck—visualized your known friend, the odontoid peg that protruded from your other known friend, the cervical vertebra—the bracelets that surrounded the vertebral arteries, the tangle of physeal joints. If it had simply been bonework, you would have been able to identify the mischief immediately, and unfuck accordingly.

This is why you need to learn flesh magic, Harrow. (Do different types of flesh magic differentiate between muscle, nerve, organ, vasculature magic? I kinda really wanna be a necromancer rn.)

Though, interestingly, the odontoid process is only found on C2, and that's decidedly too high for someone to fuck with her spinal nerves and her still being able to breathe. To me, this looks like Tamsyn Muir has definitely done her research - maybe even has a background in medicine/adjacent science; but can still get things wrong.

DAMNIT! Why did I have to get the Anatomy Chapter full of possible anatomical analysis to be had, when i was actually kinda getting ready to go to bed soon? Lol.

Okay well looks like voices are happening, so probably less focus on the anatomy for now. Let's hear some plot shit.

... okay, no, I can't get over the anatomy details. She should still be able to speak. Is she? (If not, I'm going to find Tamsyn Muir and subject her to a lengthy lecture on cranial nerves.)

(If any of you reading this are interested in a lecture on cranial nerves, well. It would go far beyond the scope of this liveblog. I'm only digging into this so much because I'm SUCH an anatomy nerd. I can expand on it if you ask nicely. hah)

Am I no longer Lyctor of the Great Resurrection, the second saint to serve the King Undying? Have I lost my rank among the Four—or, now, as I so horribly find, the Three? Am I not the last sister serving in a charnel house of dead sisters,

Ohhhh one of the old Lyctors. I've been dying to meet them, aside from Cytherea. I'm not sure who the other person is, (the other "voice" rather.)

Oh, just some guy. Now they're on the floor. The Lyctor - according to the Dramatis Personae, this is Mercymorn, most likely - has some impressive skills. I want to see more of her.

You were busy flexing the ragged end of your dorsal root—you had assumed it must have been severed, which would have been the simplest thing to do, but you realised all at once that it had been tied into a knot. It had been bowed out, twisted, and looped.

Lucky she's a Lyctor, with a Lyctor - otherwise, this sort of damage might not be easy to repair.

... Yeah okay I've focused a lot more on the anatomy than anything else. The chapter's barely gotten started. They just made it to an elevator.

Gonna leave it here for now though. I'm very tired.

#i need a tag for my own rambles #harrow the ninth #harrow the ninth liveblog #htn liveblog #tlt liveblog #htn spoilers #tlt spoilers #the locked tomb

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snelbz · 4 years

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Lost Time {19}

Summary: It’s been four years since Azriel ran away from Velaris and left behind everyone he ever loved — including the girl left standing at the altar. Now, he’s back home, but can he try and pick up the broken pieces of his life, or has there been too much lost time?

@snelbz / @tacmc collab

Lost Time Masterlist

Fanfiction Masterlist

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A/N: Whoops has it been 12 years since I updated this? Yes, it has. Another chapter written with @tacmc. Enjoy!

Elain had made it her mission to give Nesta the best party of her life. She had no idea how many people would actually end up showing up, but Nesta would definitely be feeling the love.

Her house was decorated to perfection. She had spent the entire morning cooking and baking, and her entire kitchen was loaded up with goodies, which is where she found Azriel, his mouth full of a chocolate cupcake.

When Elain came around the corner, he looked like a child who had been caught doing something his mother had told him specifically not to do.

“Hi,” he said, his mouth full, words muttered. “You look beautiful.”

“And you,” she said, pressing a kiss to his cheek and wiping chocolate icing off his face, “were told to wait until after the guests got here.”

He grabbed her hand and sucked the excess chocolate off her finger but ignored the fire it ignited in her eyes, knowing they didn’t have time to play before everyone arrived. He knew Elain would have washed the icing from her hand, since even the smell of chocolate made her slightly nauseous these days. He couldn’t let that go to waste. “They needed to be taste tested.”

Rolling her eyes, she said, “You’re worse than your son.”

As if on cue, Donovan ran in, dressed in his jeans and plaid shirt, nearly identical to Azriel, and asked, “Mama, can I have some of celery, please?

Azriel raised a dark brow. “Are we sure he’s mine?”

Elain snorted and put a few pieces of celery and a glob of peanut butter on a small plate. “Trust me, your terrible eating habits are nearly the only thing he didn’t inherit from you.”

Novan took the plate and sat down at the table. “Yeah, daddy, terrible eating habits.”

The way he said habits had Elain laughing. Meanwhile, Azriel looked highly offended.

The front door was pushed open and Nesta’s voice fluttered through the house. “El, this is beautiful!”

She came around the corner to the living room to find Nesta, teary-eyed, and Cassian standing behind her, shaking his head.

“I told you to get here after all the other guests,” Elain chuckled, looking pointedly at Cassian.

Cassian rolled his eyes. “She couldn’t wait, and she overpowers me.”

Elain sighed and was about to say something when small feet ran from the kitchen. “Uncle Cass!”

“Hey, bud,” he smiled, scooping him up. “You clean up nice.” The compliment was lost on the four-year-old as he replied, “Thank you, I took a bath this morning.”

After a breathy chuckle, Cassian set him down and he hurried over to his aunt. He gently hugged her belly. “Hi, Aunt Nesta. Hi, baby.”

With a fond smile, Nesta ruffled his hair. “Hey, bud. You look nice,” she said, throwing a glance at Cassian, especially when Donvan beamed up at her.

“Thank you! Look!” He ran over to where Azriel had just entered the living room. “Me and daddy are twins!”

The word had Azriel’s eyes finding Elain’s and he smiled softly before picking his son up. When he saw Elain getting misty-eyed, he turned the conversation to the couple before him again. “Did you figure out how to announce the gender yet?

Nesta’s eyes hardened and she turned to glare at Cassian. “I don’t know, Cass, have you decided how to tell your fiancée what we’re having?”

Elain spun and looked at him. “You peeked?”

He was biting his lip. “I peeked.”

“He peeked!” Nesta cried, crossing her arms over her stomach. “And now he won’t tell me. Or anyone, so don’t you dare ask.” She pointed at both Azriel and Elain.

Elain was gaping, and Azriel was just shaking his head. “That’s cruel, taunting a pregnant woman with information she wants to know.”

“She said she didn’t want to know,” Cassian said, defending himself. “Until I knew, of course.”

His grin only widened as Nesta groaned. “He’s a complete a-.” Her words dropped off as she looked down at Novan. “Meanie,” she finished, after a moment.

Elain shot her a grateful look and said, “Well, you, sit down and relax.” She pointed to the couch and Nesta wisely did as she was told. She turned to Azriel, “Would you mind taking some pictures of…” She trailed off and gestured around the house. “I’m, just, sort of proud of it.”

“You should be,” Azriel said, kissing the top of her head. “Everything looks amazing. Of course I will.” She smiled up at him and he kissed her before turning to Donovan and saying, “I’ll need my assistant though, where’s your camera, bud?”

“In my room!” He was off, running up the stairs on all fours.

Azriel chuckled and followed him.

Finally, Elain pointed at Cassian, “You, follow me, I need to ask you a question.”

His eyebrows rose but he did as she said, following him into the kitchen. Nesta called, “You better not tell her!”

Shaking her head, Elain said, “As much as I’d love to grill you about my niece or nephew, that’s not what I need to ask.”

“Okay,” Cass said, leaning against the counter, eating the last remaining celery stick from Novan’s snack. “What’s up, Lainey?”

“Azriel’s ex came to see me at the shop yesterday,” she admitted.

Cassian’s eyes nearly bulged out of his head. “Ianthe did?” Elain nodded, gnawing on her lip. He chewed slowly. “She’s got some balls.”

“She didn’t tell me who she was, but that almost unsettles me more,” she admitted. “It made it feel more like a threat than a social visit…”

Cassian was quiet for a moment as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I never met her, but from what Az has mentioned, she does seem pretty...unhinged.”

The look on Elain’s face fell even more. “You don’t think she’s dangerous…do you?”

Cassian hesitated, and it was all Elain needed to form an answer. “I couldn’t sleep last night, Cass. She left me so unnerved that I… I don’t know. I’m paranoid.”

“We already told Az that there’s nothing we can do unless she makes a move,” Cassian said, his voice low. “But, if you’re feeling unsafe, I’ll be sure to have someone hang around here throughout their night patrol. Alright?”

Elain nodded, but grabbed his wrist as he went to turn back toward the living room. “I don’t want Az worrying because I’m paranoid. You know? Because it’s probably nothing. So, just…keep this between us, yeah?”

Cassian frowned, but he nodded, nonetheless.

It wasn’t long after that guest after guest began to arrive and she heard the telltale sounds of merriment in her living room as they all greeted Nesta. The back door opened and Rhys appeared, carrying a massive tray of cupcakes.

“Fridge?” He asked, inclining his head towards.

Elain shook her head and told him to go ahead and take them into the living room, with the rest of the food. She heard steps on the wooden stairs and then Feyre appeared, carrying Lila.

“Hi! I’m sorry we’re late!” She hugged her sister and said, “Everything looks so good!”

Elain scratched behind the pup’s ear, earning her a happy bark and many attempted, sloppy kisses to the back of her hand. She chuckled and went to the sink to wash her hands before going back to chopping up more veggies.

Excited, little footsteps headed towards them. Donovan appeared and his eyes were as big as his grin. “Lila!”

Feyre smiled and put the pup down, who ran straight to her “cousin”, hopping and ready to play.

“Aunt Feyre, I took some really good pictures of Aunt Nesta’s party. I should take some of Lila,” he announced.

“I think that’s a great idea,” Feyre beamed, kissing the top of her nephew’s head. “Show me your favorite one and I’ll get it framed and hang it on my wall at home. Sounds good?”

Novan’s eyes lit up. “Yes! C’mon Lila!”

He excitedly disappeared around the corner, Lila just behind him.

“They make a good team,” Elain said, as she watched them go, fondly. “Don’t blink, Novan will try to hide her here so that you won’t take her back home.”

Feyre chuckled. “Oh, good, maybe he can potty train her, too.”

Elain laughed and closed her eyes, resting a hand on her stomach. She sighed dramatically. “Oh god, I’m going to have to go through potty training all over again.”

Feyre chuckled and said, “At least you have Az to clean up the bad ones this time.”

Elain tossed her head back and laughed. “Thank the Cauldron.”

Feyre helped her carry the veggie tray into the living room and Elain began playing host. She kept catching Azriel’s eye from across the room. The smile on his face, the secret the two of them kept, had Elain’s heart so full, she had to look away before her own smile was too telling to those around them. She kept checking on everyone, asking if they needed anything, until she felt slim fingers wrap around her wrist and tug her down on the couch.

Nesta said, “Sit with me. You’ve done more than enough today.”

Elain just rolled her eyes. “I’m perfectly fine.”

“No, you’re pregnant, and I am also pregnant, which means I know you’re exhausted,” Nesta said, laughing quietly. “Please? We’ll do gifts or something.”

Elain looked around hesitantly, but eventually sighed. “Okay, alright. Az?” She caught his eye across the room, where he had Novan on his shoulders and Lila propped up on his legs, wagging her tail. “Mind helping hand gifts?”

His smile was soft. “Of course.”

Elain got the room hushed down as she begrudgingly took a seat next to Nesta on the couch, Feyre on her other side with a notepad, ready to keep track of gifts for thank you notes.

One by one, Azriel gave gifts to Novan, who brought them to Nesta. Elain’s heart was so full. Her entire family there with her, Nesta happy and nearing the end of her pregnancy.

After Nesta had opened an entire nursery worth of gifts and had cried an insane amount, most of the guests had left and everyone was relaxing. The three sisters were sitting on the couch, discussing nursery colors when Cassian brought the three of them each a cupcake. Feyre immediately unwrapped hers and took a bite, as did Elain. Nesta just continued to explain the theme of the nursery they’d begun a few days before.

“Nes,” Cassian laughed, interrupting her as she debated the merits of having the changing table by the door or by the crib and she looked at him.

She asked, “What?”

He shook his head. “Eat your cupcake.”

“Not right now, I’m not hungry,” she said, turning back to her sisters.

“Take a bite of your damn cupcake, woman,” he chuckled.

She glared at him and unwrapped the cupcake without looking at him, and took a bite. Mouth still full, she asked, “Happy?”

He was shaking his head and laughing and Elain realized she heard a camera shutter just as Donovan asked, “Why does Aunt Nesta get a pink cupcake?”

Nesta froze, her eyes slowly trailing down to the cupcake in her hand as she swallowed the food in her mouth. Sure enough, the inside of her cupcake was pink.

“It’s pink,” she breathed, looking up to meet Cassian’s humored gaze.

He nodded, his smile widening. “It’s pink.”

A joyful sob left her mouth as she stood and made her way across the few feet of space that led her to her fiancé. She wrapped her arms around him as Miryam lifted Novan in the air and spun him around, making him giggle.

Elain found Azriel’s gaze from the other side of the almost-parents and smiled, softly.

“A girl,” Nesta cried.

“A girl,” Cassian agreed, brushing the hair out of her eyes.

Elain, pregnant and emotional, reached for a tissue on the side table. On the other side of the room, Novan tugged on Azriel’s hand. “Aunt Nes is having a girl baby?”

Azriel picked him up and stepped off to the side. Miryam was hugging Cassian, who had never looked more proud. “She is, buddy.” He frowned and crossed his arms, and Azriel couldn’t help but chuckle. “What is it?”

“I can’t play with a girl baby,” he pouted. “I wanted it to be a boy.”

Azriel smiles and kissed the top of his head. “I’m sure you did, but I promise having a girl cousin will be fun, too.”

He nodded, but the frown and subsequent line between his brows stayed. They watched the scene unfolding before them and Donovan rested his head on Azriel’s shoulder as he yawned.

“Looks like it’s just about nap time for somebody,” he said, singing the words.

Donovan shook his head, but asked, “When is she going to be here?”

He explained, “It’ll be a little bit longer. She’s not ready to come out yet.”

Nodding, he yawned and asked, “Will she be here before or after mama’s baby?”

He gently swayed, saying, “Before. Mama’s baby will be here around Halloween.”

“Spooky baby,” he mumbled and Azriel chuckled.

He repeated, “Spooky baby.”

After one more yawn, he asked, “Can mama have a boy, please?”

Azriel chuckled as he started with Novan up the stairs. “That’s kind of out of our control, buddy.”

“Why?” He asked, quietly, his eyes starting to close on Azriel’s shoulder.

Azriel sighed, trying to think of the best way to explain the ways of the world to a four year old. Getting him to understand that babies grow in mommies tummies without getting too detailed was difficult enough. “Just because,” he said, at last.

Thankfully, he had taken long enough to reply, because Donovan was too sleepy to reply. His little arms had snaked around Azriel’s neck as they walked to his bedroom, and Azriel didn’t bother with more comfortable clothes as he laid Novan down and tucked him in. He was asleep before Azriel even left the room, softly shutting the door behind him.

—————

It had been a week since the Ianthe incident when Azriel got a call from an old friend in the photography business. The conversation was innocent enough, a discussion on different lenses and the best location for a subject in front of the sun.

“Alright, I’ll talk to you later, thanks, man,” she’d said before hanging up. “Oh, and by the way, congrats. I’ve heard you have a kid on the way. That’s awesome.”

He chuckled and said, “Thanks. Yeah, it was kind of a shock.”

He and Elain had been walking on air the past few days. They were having a family dinner tonight, after Elain went to her check up. She was a couple days shy of sixteen weeks and the family knew there would be new ultrasound pictures to ogle over.

“Yeah, to all of us, too,” Nuala had said. “We didn’t even think you and Ianthe were still together.”

It was a good thing Azriel wasn’t driving or he would have crashed without a doubt. Nuala said something else, but Azriel interrupted her and asked, “Did you say Ianthe?”

“Yeah, it’s all over her Facebook.” He could hear the unease in his friend's voice. “Why?”

“I gotta go, Nu,” he said, breathlessly, not waiting for her reply before hanging up and opening the browser on his laptop. A quick search had him on her page and all he could do was stare.

She had an ultrasound picture as her cover photo. Elain’s ultrasound photo.

He stared in shock, unable to process what he was seeing. He grew nauseous, and purely panicked. Aside from wondering how the hell Ianthe got those pictures, he wondered what other lies she was spewing across social media.

He scrolled down, each post making his heart beat faster and the need to puke stronger.

Every day, she had updated her status, sharing with the world her journey to motherhood.

Azriel was calling Rhysand before he could think twice.

“Hey, I’m about to head into a meeting-.”

“Ianthe is making the world believe that she's pregnant with my kid.” The words rushed out of Azriel, and he didn’t take a breath as he continued, “She somehow got Elain’s ultrasound pictures and is posting them all over the internet.”

Azriel was greeted with silence, then a low, “Fuck.”

He could hear the typing of Rhysand’s keyboard and then a low whistle. “Elain at work?”

“Yeah, I just talked to her not long ago, everything was fine. She hasn’t mentioned seeing Ianthe again. Neither have I.”

The clicking of his keyboard continued and he said, “I’ve reported the posts, but you know as well as I do that she can just repost them. I can write out a cease-and-desist letter if you want, but-.”

Azriel was shaking his head, regardless of the fact that his brother couldn’t see it. “No, that’s exactly what she wants. She wants to know she’s getting a rise out of me.”

Rhys sighed and said, “I know.”

“Don’t tell Elain about this, please.”

The line was silent for a minute and Rhysand finally started, “Az-.”

“No, promise me you won’t tell her,” he said, interrupting him. “She’s already freaked out as it is, even though she doesn’t want me to know. I can see it. She’s barely been sleeping, and in her condition…” Azriel sighed and let his head hang. “I’ll handle it, I’ll deal with Ianthe. Just don’t mention this to Elain or Feyre.”

Rhysand groaned, and even though he didn’t approve of the request, he said, “Fine. Let me know if Ianthe tries anything else.”

Azriel stared back at the ultrasound picture on the model’s profile as he said, “I will. Thanks.”

Rhysand hung up and Azriel’s nerves went haywire. He was caught between the thought of wanting to track down Ianthe and shake some sense into her and wanting to go to Elain to make sure Ianthe didn’t make anymore appearances. If he tracked down Ianthe, though, she would know her plan was working, which would only inspire her more. And if he went to Elain, she would only grow more nervous and paranoid, which wasn’t good for her or the life inside of her.

Azriel needed a drink.

Or a smoke.

Or to pack up his family and take a vacation.

Currently, none of those were an option. He glanced over his shoulder to where Donovan had fallen asleep on the couch watching Power Rangers. It was close enough to his nap time that Azriel hadn’t bothered to wake him, just letting his son get some much needed sleep. He smiled softly, and turned back to his laptop, closing Ianthe’s profile and turning his attention back to the photo editor he’d been using.

True to his word, Donovan had taken tons of pictures of Lila, around three hundred to be exact. Most were of a vague black blur surrounded by rich hardwood or soft grass, but there were a few that actually turned out that he could work with.

Azriel wanted the best for his son, he wanted him to know that he could do anything he dreamed of, even at four-years-old.

An hour later, he had three images edited to perfection, ready to print.

He woke up a sleepy Novan and packed him up in the truck, heading to a local print shop. It just happened to be across the square from the antique shop. After handing the printer a thumb drive, they told him the prints would be ready in a little under an hour, right about the time they’d be leaving for Miryam’s for a family dinner.

Donovan was a ball of excitement, so ready to see his first job, he continually called it.

Leaving the shop, Azriel eyed the antique shop’s store front. “Want to go see mama while we wait?”

“Yes!” He replied, without any hesitation.

Azriel took his hand and they crossed the street, Novan a rested ball of energy. The moment the door opened and the bell chimed, Novan was yelling, “Mama!”

Elain came around the corner, a hand on her stomach as Novan ran toward her and threw his little arms around her waist. She raised her brows, laughing as she looked up at Azriel. “My two favorite boys, what a nice surprise!”

“Me and daddy are getting pictures made,” Novan said, smiling brightly. “One for Aunt Feyre, and one for our house!”

“Is that so?” Elain asked, impressed. “Well, I can’t wait to see them.”

Azriel had just reached her, moving much slower than his toddler. When he kissed his wife, softly, Novan was covering his eyes. “Gross.”

Azriel snorted as he ruffled Novan’s hair. He looked at Elain, letting his fingers dance over her belly. “How did everything go today?”

She chuckled and ran a loving hand over her stomach. “It’s definitely getting cramped in there, that’s for sure. But all good. I go back in two weeks.”

Azriel released a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. “Good. I’ll be there this time, I promise.” He kissed her again. “When can you close up? The prints will be done around five-thirty and I figured we could all ride to mom’s in one car, rather than two.”

She chuckled and looking down at her son, who was resting his chin on her growing stomach, gazing up at her. She picked him up, seeing the look on Azriel’s face, and shot him one that said I dare you to say something. He, wisely, did not.

Elain turned and headed back to the office. “I just finished up with inventory. I need to touch up this piece and then we can head out. But can you do me a favor, please?”

She sat Donovan down and he ran off to play around the store, before she turned to Az.

“Of course,” he said, leaning against the doorway.

She wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his chest. “Please go get me a decaf coffee. I know I can’t have caffeine, but I think I can trick my body into thinking it’s getting it.”

Azriel chuckled, softly, and pressed his lips to the top of her head. “Of course. Novan, you wanna come with me or stay with mama?”

“Stay with mama!” He was currently sitting upside down in a refurbished chair, so Azriel wasn’t going to argue with that.

“Okay,” he breathed, smiling at Elain. “I’ll be right back.”

She nodded, watching him go as he made his way back through the shop. There was a little coffee house just across the street, and after looking both ways, he hurried across the pavement, onto the sidewalk, and through the double doors. A cool blast of air hit him as he stood in line, waiting to order a simple large, decaf coffee.

The thought of Elain tricking her own self into drinking something with caffeine had him laughing where he stood. Gods, he loved that woman.

He ordered a coffee for himself, a frozen hot chocolate for Novan and Elain’s decaf and stepped to the side. He was scrolling through his emails when he froze.

“Funny. You never drank decaf before.”

Her voice had him on red alert and he’d spun to face her before she’d even finished speaking.

Her turquoise eyes sparkled as she cooed, “Hi, Azzie. Did you miss me?”

He couldn’t speak, didn’t know how to speak as he took in Ianthe standing in front of him. And how she was cradling her stomach.

Snapping out of it, he grabbed her by the wrist, not nearly as gentle as he should have, seeing as they were in public, and dragged her to the corner. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Her face was the picture of innocence. “What do you mean?”

“This!” He said, his voice raising slightly. “All of this. Coming to Velaris, scaring the shit out of my wife, pretending you’re having my baby? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

He had the vague notion of someone calling his name, knew that his order was ready and he should leave, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of her.

She was smiling and that was the scariest part of it all.

“Leave my family alone,” he seethed, finally dropping her wrist. He backed up toward the counter. “Don’t talk to me or my wife, and don’t you dare think about doing anything to my kids. Go home, Ianthe.”

She said nothing as he backed away, but that sly smile on her lips remained.

It sent chills down his spine.

He forced himself to turn away, forced himself to take the drinks off the counter, and forced himself not to look back at her as he exited the shop. Everything felt wrong, every last ounce of comfort he had been clinging to have vanished.

She was crazy.

Actually insane.

And he knew for a fact that his words had meant nothing to her.

Azriel tried to look calm as he re-entered the antique store, finding Novan bouncing up and down as Elain painted an old vanity.

“Decaf for my wife, and chocolatey goodness for little man,” Azriel announced, forcing himself to sound chipper.

Novan was instantly on his feet, reaching for his drink with a thank you, daddy.

Elain took the coffee and put it to her lips, scalding hot or not, and murmured, “This will give me energy. This will give me energy. This will give me energy.”

Az chuckled quietly and pressed a kiss to the top of her head before heading into her office and sitting down at her desk. He dropped his head in his hands and sighed. He knew he needed to tell Elain, but now was not the time. He’d tell her tonight, when they got home, after Donovan was asleep, after spending the evening with their family.

His phone rang, and it snapped him out of the downward spiral his thoughts were taking. After answering and finding out the prints were finished, he took a deep breath and made his way back into the store front.

He pressed a kiss to Elain’s head and said, “I’m going across the street to grab his pictures. Want to finish up and pick me up over there?”

She nodded and asked, “You want to leave your truck here and take my car?”

“It’ll save room at mom’s,” he said and nodded.

“Okay, give me five minutes.” She stood and kissed him and he was on his way.

He took Donovan’s hand and brought him with him across the street to pick up the prints. When Elain pulled up just over five minutes later, Azriel and Novan were sitting together on a bench outside of the storefront, looking at the two massive prints of Lila they had ordered.

Novan’s joyous laughter as he took in his work was a sound that Azriel would remember for the rest of his life.

“I’ll bring them to get them framed and then we’ll hang it up, okay?”

Novan nodded, excitedly. “Can we give Aunt Feyre hers at Meme’s? I really, really want to!”

Azriel laughed as Elain rolled down the window. “Of course.”

“Mama!” Novan yelled, jumping up from the bench and pointed at the print in Azriel’s hands. “Look! My picture!”

Elain’s reaction was equivalent to someone admiring an ancient, prized masterpiece, which had Novan beaming.

Once they were in the car, Novan was going on and on about his picture, about how Aunt Feyre was going to love it, and how he was a photographer just like his daddy. Azriel thought his heart was going to burst.

“Can I see them?” He asked, and Elain smiled as she handed Azriel the two small, black and white images. He gazed at them, finally able to see a baby in each the pictures, rather than just a blurry blob. He didn’t realize he was crying until Elain took his hand over the middle console. He cleared his throat and whispered, “Wow.”

He couldn’t think of any other words to explain what he was looking at, how happy he was. Elain agreed, though, smiling and glancing at him. “Wow.”

Pulling into the driveway, Novan was bouncing in his seat, begging Azriel to get him out as soon as Elain had parked the car. After safely tucking the ultrasounds away in Elain’s purse, he did just that and Donovan was up the stairs and in the house before Az and Elain had time to laugh. He started for the porch step, but Elain grabbed his hand.

“Are you okay?” She asked, brushing his hair out of his eyes. “You seem off, baby.”

He’d tried his hardest to act normal, not to let Ianthe’s appearance affect him, but Elain knew him inside and out. She knew him better than he knew himself, so of course, she’d notice.

Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he said, “I’m fine. Just…got a lot on my mind.”

She nodded, completely understanding. “Well, come on. Let’s take some time to not think about anything but our family.”

His smile was genuine when he took her hand in his and led him up the stairs, and into the backdoor. They were all there, already, everyone circled around Novan, praising his camera skills and the picture of Lila.

“I’m going to hang mine right in the entryway so that everyone who comes to my house will see it the moment they walk through the door,” Feyre promised.

“It’s just what we needed,” Rhysand agreed, with a wink.

“Now I’m a photographer, like daddy,” Novan said, turning to smile at his parents.

“Yes you are,” Miryam promised, as she wrapped Azriel into a hug, then Elain. “Everybody hungry? The tables all set and ready.”

“Yes, please,” Elain said, sighing as she rubbed a hand over her stomach.

“Before we eat, though, I need to see the new pictures!” Feyre called, Nesta agreeing as they went into the dining room.

Elain laughed as she pulled the little envelope out of her purse and set the bag on the counter before wrapping an arm around Azriel’s waist and walking with him through the threshold of the dining room.

She handed one of the pictures to Miryam and the other to Feyre and then stepped back to wait with Azriel. Rhys asked, “No gender yet?”

She shook her head. “We’re waiting until twenty weeks. I’m not dealing with another color swap fiasco.”

Elain’s very first nurse had jumped the gun and told her Donovan was going to be a girl. Naturally, so did Feyre and Nesta, and Elain had a nursery full of frilly, pink sparkles.

And then a month later, she’d found out she was having a boy.

Feyre handed the ultrasound to Nesta, who was already crying, and she looked at it with a hand over her mouth.

Cassian chuckled and pressed a kiss to her head and looked at the ultrasound in her hand and then to the one Miryam had just handed him. His eyes narrowed and he looked back and forth between the two.

“Wait,” he began, scooting closer to Nesta. “Why does mine say baby B, and hers says baby A?”

All conversation stopped as everyone looked to Cassian, where he was still looking back and forth between the two pictures. Nesta’s mouth had fallen open, Miryam’s hands had flown up to cover her mouth, but it was Feyre who was smiling brightly up at Elain, whispering, “Twins?”

Elain fell into Azriel’s side, her laughter contagious as she announced, “We’re having twins.”

“Twins?” Novan repeated, as everyone around him celebrated. “What’s twins?”

Miryam picked him up and sat him in her lap as Cassian handed her the two ultrasound images. Nesta was already crying with Elain in her arms and Feyre was hugging Azriel. Miryam set the two images on the table and said, “These are two different babies, but they’re both in mama’s tummy.”

His eyes went wide, “I get two babies?”

He’d begun to refer to the baby as his baby, and Elain thought her heart would explode every time.

“You get two babies, buddy,” she said, tears shimmering on her face.

Novan’s awed expression turned into utter excitement. “Two babies! Two brothers!”

Azriel hesitated, but Elain just laughed. “We’ll have to see, buddy. We don’t know if it’s brothers or sisters yet in there.”

Novan was quick on his feet, standing in front of Elain and pressing his cheek to her belly. “Please, someone in there be a brother.”

Everyone laughed, but Elain just ruffled his dark, messy hair. “Even if they’re both sisters, you’re going to be a good big brother to these two babies, buddy.”

He looked up at his parents and smiled. “I’ll be the best big brother in the world.”

#lost time #snelbz #snacmc #elriel #elriel lost time #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf

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epochofbelief · 4 years

Text

Breath Control Chapter One

soooo tumblr for some reason deleted the masterlist and first three chapters of this fanfic... so I’m awkwardly reposting them. lol. sorry about this.

but please feel free to read this:)

i barely even remember what this is about... but i think it’s sort of a modern retelling of ACOMAF... Feyre and Rhysand are competitive swimmers in college. enjoy.

ONE

The music sounded like it had been blaring for hours by the time Tamlin and I walked into the ramshackle college-student house. Hosted by Helion, this Halloween party was sure to be over the top. Possibly dangerous. Definitely fun.

I adjusted my sheet. I knew Tamlin would have preferred me to wear something a little sexier to the swim team Halloween party, but I hadn’t been able to bring myself to do it. I didn’t feel like having eyes on me. I wanted to drink, get drunk, and go home with Tamlin. Limited social interaction. The ghost costume--a simple sheet with eye holes very poorly cut into it--was the perfect way to blend in.

I also had lingerie on underneath the leggings and loose t-shirt I was wearing beneath the sheet. The incentive I had used to convince Tamlin to stop teasing me about wearing a slutty nurse outfit instead of the enormous sheet.

Hopefully he would be too drunk later tonight for me to need to show the lingerie to him. I wasn’t in the mood. Hadn’t been for a while.

He held the door open for me, pushing me by my ass through the doorway and into swim team chaos.

Music blaring, very drunk swimmers everywhere, I was instantly grateful for my sheet. People were all over each other already--swimcest, we called it. That was what you partook in when you kissed/made out with/slept with one of your team members. A favorite pastime of most swim teams across the country, and one I apparently had no qualms about engaging in--with Tamlin.

I made a beeline for the kitchen, not checking to make sure Tamlin followed. He would probably get handed a beer somewhere along the way and wouldn’t come to find me until he was drunk enough to want to make out. Yay.

I grabbed the nearest alcoholic beverage I could find--a handle of vodka--and pulled a sprite out of the fridge. I dumped the two together into a very large cup, slipped it under my sheet, and slipped back through the crowd into the living room to keep an eye on Tamlin. Taking up a spot on the couch, I started sucking down my drink and praying that nobody would want to socialize with me. I didn’t think I had the energy or enthusiasm to carry on a conversation right now. Or ever.

One hour and several drinks later, I ran out of the vodka-orange juice I had been switched to drinking. I was growing tired of watching Tamlin play beer pong and grow steadily drunker in the center of the living room, and so far I’d been fine curled up on the couch, drinking and staring at my phone. I was about to venture back through the crowd to find more alcohol when a guy and a girl from the middle distance group collapsed onto the couch, nearly falling directly on top of me. I lunged to the side, now pressed up into the arm of the couch. I identified the two (extremely drunk) swimmers as Amren and Cassian--and they were definitely making out. Like, intensely.

I knew those two were pretty close, part of a clique on the team that I was not a member of nor had any interest in joining. Them making out probably didn’t mean anything. Honestly, nothing that happens between swimmers at a party means anything. I did wish they didn’t have to do it so uncomfortably close to me. I squeezed past them and headed back toward the kitchen, definitely feeling way past tipsy now. I didn’t want to think about all the vodka I had had in the past hour.

A shock of cold air. Someone had torn my sheet off and I felt suddenly exposed to the whole room in my t-shirt and leggings. “Tamlin! What the hell?”

“Hey Feyre.” He was slurring. Very drunk already. Great. “Why’d you wear a sheet? You look so pretty underneath it.”

I knew I was blushing, and I knew everyone within five feet of us could hear everything that was going on. I clenched my jaw at the feeling of their eyes on my back. “Tamlin, can I have my sheet back? Please.” I gritted out.

“I like you better like this,” he said, and pulling me close by my hips, he pressed his lips to mine in what was not the best kiss I’d ever experienced, to say the least. He was sweaty, and his breath smelled like beer, and this was a very public kiss. I was certain everyone was watching.

As a swimmer, I was pretty strong. But Tamlin was also a swimmer, and trying to pull free of him was no small feat. And by now I realized that I was not only tipsy, but extremely drunk. I twisted around, his grip on my hips starting to hurt before he let go of me, too drunk to really pursue anything right now. Thank God. I could feel the entire room’s eyes on us. I gave up the sheet as a lost cause and fled as fast as I could, snatching a beer from the fridge and tripping over my own feet as I blundered out the back door of the house. It was kind of chilly out, so the backyard was empty as I laid eyes on a folding table around the corner. College guys. Their furniture choices made no sense--they had a table and no chairs.

Stumbling a little, I took a seat on the edge of the table and pulled my feet up. I cracked open the beer. I was not going to cry. Nothing had really happened. Except for my boyfriend stealing my costume, announcing to the party that I looked better exposed, and forcing himself on me while I struggled and no one did anything to help. Tamlin was the king of the swim team-- a captain, the cool guy, and extremely fast. He may not be the fastest, but he was definitely the most popular. Crossing him meant an intense bout of hazing or a team-wide shun.

I jumped, beer sloshing onto my lap a little. The screen door banged open and then shut around the corner.

“Feyre?” A vaguely familiar voice issued into the night. I tried to stay very quiet in the hopes that the person would leave me alone, but then he appeared.

Rhysand Night. A junior. Smart, tall, and incredibly ripped. Fast in the water. A mystery to most of us on the team. Clad in all black, I wasn’t really sure if he was in any sort of costume. His black hair fell haphazardly across his gorgeous face--I chided myself for noticing his beauty while I was with Tamlin. But it was true. He was beautiful. And in his hand. . .

My sheet.

“I’m really sorry to bother you. . . I’m sure you want to be alone. But I found this in the living room and I thought I would return it.” He took a few steps closer and I had to blink a couple times to keep the world steady. I really was quite drunk.

“Thanks,” I managed, and took it, trying to pull it over my legs but fumbling it and my beer. My feet got caught in the sheet as I drew it up and then I was falling off the table.

I dropped the beer and blindly stretched out my arms as I slid forward off the edge. I barely had time to worry about landing face first in the mud—

Warm hands grasped my shoulders and settled me on my feet. Reflexively, I grabbed his elbows and steadied myself.

Quite drunk, indeed.

“Uh. . . Are you okay?” I dragged my gaze upward. Swallowed.

Tears filled my eyes. Shit. I was never getting this drunk again. Ever.

“Fine, ssso fine,” I slurred, then realized I was still grasping his elbows. I recoiled as though he was suddenly hot to the touch. “Thanks for the sheet.” And then I raced back inside.

Only to be greeted by the sight of Tamlin, beer in one hand--and Ianthe in the other.

They sat on the couch directly across from the back door. Or rather, he sat on the couch, and she sat squarely on his lap. They were making out so intensely that it was hard to tell whose hands and face were whose.

I blinked a couple times, making sure this wasn’t some kind of drunk hallucination.

It wasn’t.

I stood there, frozen, unsure of what to do or where to go. My phone was with Tamlin’s stuff, and I couldn’t very well drive myself. All I knew was that I had to get out of there--immediately.

Then Tamlin opened his eyes and saw me. Standing there. Watching them. I couldn’t tell if the world was spinning because of how high my blood alcohol content was or because the love of my life was making out with someone who was supposed to be my friend. In front of everyone.

“Feyre--” He made to stand, Ianthe falling off his lap to the side and glaring at me. Ianthe, my training partner, my roommate--glaring at me.

“No,” I said, much too loudly from the looks of all the swimmers surrounding us. And it felt like I was ripping my heart out as I forced the words out. “It’s over, Tamlin. So over. Go back to--whatever it is you’re doing.”

And I fled back the way I had come, out the door and directly into the extremely muscular body of Rhys. I prayed that Tamlin didn’t try to follow me.

Rhys’s hands gripped my shoulders again and this time I couldn’t hold my tears back. I exploded into very loud, very drunken sobs as he guided me back to the table I had just fallen off. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew all this was terribly wrong. Tamlin and Rhys had some sort of history that I had never been able to figure out. Tamlin hated him. My boyfriend--ex-boyfriend, now, I thought with no small amount of sadness--was ten feet away, in the arms of my closest friend on the team. And I was outside, crying in front of a teammate I barely knew. A teammate barely anyone on the team knew.

Ah, the boundaries that can be crossed while intoxicated.

Rhys’s smooth voice broke into my thoughts and I wondered how long I’d been sitting there crying while he sat next to me, a respectable distance away. Probably too long. But he was still there. “Can I get you anything? Water, maybe?”

I shook my head. “No, no. I think I’m just going to walk back to my neighborhood.” I jumped to my feet, then swayed.

Rhys grabbed my elbow, gently, though. “I am not letting you walk home. Are any of your friends designated drivers tonight? Do they have an Uber account?”

The only two friends I had really made on the team--Tamlin and Ianthe--were definitely out of the question. “No. And my phone is in there. . . and I have no way to get home.” Shit.

Rhys guided me back onto the table. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

After a few minutes of his absence, I remembered what had just happened and my tears reemerged in full force. And then after another few minutes, they intensified as I became certain that Rhys was not coming back. I’d have to get home, inebriated beyond belief, by myself. I edged off the table and had gone all of two steps before the screen door banged open again. “Did you think I was just going to abandon you out here?”

“Uh. . .”

He raised his brows, and I noticed how incredibly sad his eyes looked. He blinked and it was gone. I shook my head--my drunk ass was making shit up. “Can I drive you home? I promise I’m sober. I’m DD for my friends tonight. They aren’t planning on leaving for another hour, so I can drop you off somewhere safe before then.”

I’d already weighed the options in the time he’d been gone. My only option was accepting his offer. Unless I wanted to venture back inside and destroy the scrap of dignity I had left by asking Tamlin where my phone was or begging Ianthe to get me an Uber home. “Yeah. Thank you.”

He nodded. “I found your phone.” He handed it to me, then told me to follow him around the house before I could ask how he had gotten it. I made it all of five steps before I tripped over a huge crack in the sidewalk. Rhys was there instantly, his arm sliding around my waist. I looked up at him. His jaw was clenched, eyes directly ahead. “Not much farther,” he said quietly as he led me down the sidewalk and out to the street. He ushered me into the passenger side of a black SUV, his arm retracting from around my waist as though I was now the one who was hot to the touch.

I slumped in the seat. My tears had dried. I was transitioning into a state of shock and trying to sober up as quickly as possible. I didn’t think Rhys would try anything… But my faith in males right now had dropped considerably lower tonight. Rhys jumped into the driver’s seat and started the car. “You live in Astrid Oaks, right? The townhouses near downtown?” I nodded, my eyes closed and my head leaned against the headrest.

After a few minutes of silence, Rhys blew out a long breath. “Do you. . . want to talk about it?”

I was sobering up a little bit by now. “No. Yes. Um…”

“It’s okay. I was just asking.”

“It’s just that. . .”

And then it all spilled out, along with fresh tears. “He told me he loved me. Every day for the past year. I have changed my life for him. Put up with his endless partying, his flirting, him being entitled to everything and everyone on the swim team. His big head. Him treating his best friend like shit.” Some of the things flying out of my mouth were annoyances I had never allowed myself to acknowledge concerning my relationship with Tamlin. “And I’ve barely made any friends on this team because I’ve been so wrapped up by him since my freshman year, and he just cheated on me with Ianthe, who of course is perfect, in front of half the team. And I live with her. Fuck.” I had been blind. So blind.

I slumped back into my seat. Then I realized what I had just said--to the one guy Tamlin hated the most on the team.

“Sorry. . . Can you forget I just said all that?”

Rhys nodded, his eyes fixed firmly on the road in front of him. After a while, though, he said, “Don’t freak out because I have totally already forgotten everything you said to me. But for what it’s worth. . . Everything you said to me. . . You deserve better.”

And that was that.

Rhys walked me to my door, finding the spare key hidden under the mat and letting me into my own house. I turned to thank him and then gagged. I was going to puke. I spun on my feet and rushed for the half bathroom down the hall. I barely made it to the bathroom before I emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet. Again. And again. And again.

Warm hands pulled my hair away from my face as I leaned over the toilet. Upon reevaluation, it looked like that last scrap of dignity was long gone by now. Lucky me.

When I finally felt stable enough to sit up straight, his hands removed themselves from my hair. I couldn’t face him. Who was this guy? I’d only ever heard the worst things from Tamlin about him. . . But I barely knew Rhys, and now he was retrieving my phone from the beyond, driving me home, and holding my hair back while I threw up. Listening to me rant uncontrollably about all my problems. He probably had some sort of agenda that I wasn’t picking up on. He didn’t seem to be trying to take advantage of me though.

Using the toilet seat to stand, I flushed the toilet and turned to find the bathroom empty. I padded into the kitchen. I found Rhys halfway across the floor, a cup of water in hand. “Here. I’ve been there too. Too many times. Sip some of this.”

This wasn’t the first time I’d drunk myself into oblivion and sickness, but I thanked him and sipped the water as we stood there in the dark kitchen, neither of us saying a thing. He was probably just staying there to make sure I didn’t pass out or something.

“Are you going to be okay?” He asked. “Seriously. There’s no one I can call for you?”

I placed my cup in the sink, my back to him. I was sober enough by now to realize that Rhys had done enough for me tonight. For forever. He had already made a lot of sacrifices--for reasons unbeknownst to me--tonight. All for me. It was time for him to leave. “Rhys. I’ll be fine. I think I’m done puking. I’ve embarrassed myself enough for tonight and don’t think I can stand another minute of it. I promise. I’m going straight to bed after this.”

I turned and found him already on the other side of the kitchen, hands in his pockets, his beautiful face half in shadow. “Okay. I put my number in your phone, so if you think you’re going to suddenly die of alcohol poisoning or something, call me. It won’t be a bother.”

I nodded, somehow even more shocked at his kindness. He turned to go, and I said, so quietly that I wasn’t sure he’d hear, “I can’t thank you enough for. . . everything.”

He smiled. “It was no trouble at all. What are teammates for?”

I stared at him as he left the kitchen. Heard the front door open and close.

Teammates, indeed. It seemed as though I knew a lot less about some of my teammates than I thought I did.

#breathcontrol ar ff #feysand #feyre archeron #rhysand #night court #rhysand x feyre #feyre x rhysand

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rosegoldannie · 4 years

Text

Cacti III

Feysand bachelor AU chapter 3

Masterlist

Two weeks later, and I was one of sixteen girls left. Over a third of the girls had already been sent home, and the dates were starting to become longer and more important.

During those first two weeks, Rhys and I had continued to meet in the gardens at least three times a week. And while I hadn’t been asked on a date yet, which stung a little bit, during the rose ceremonies I was always one of the first people who he gave a rose too.

Tonight, in my paint stained Prythian U hoodie, I was waiting again in the gardens for him. It was nearly half past twelve, and a sinking feeling was threatening to rid my stomach of its dinner. Sure, Rhys had told me earlier that he might be late because he had a date with a girl named Ianthe, but it still stung.

I understood that the filming of the show meant that he didn’t always have complete control over his time, but up until now, he had always managed to make time for our meetings.

Once it reached one in the morning, I let out a huff, and trudged back up to my room, where my bunkmate Halle, was snoring softly, her blonde hair fanned out across her pillow.

The next morning, she shook me awake at eleven thirty, barely twenty minutes before breakfast ended. I cussed, and thanked her, though she was already out the door. I grabbed the first clean shirt I saw, a cropped white top, threw on a pair of jeans and my vans, while raking a brush through my tangled hair, which simply would not cooperate. I debated putting on any makeup, but decided against it, save for some light blush and mascara. When my hair once again fluffed up incessantly, I swore, and decided that I would simply cover it with a bandana headband, and scurried out the door. A quick glance at my phone told me that I had less than ten minutes to get breakfast.

I just barely dodged a tall figure, swerving wildly around them, when a pair of warm hands wrapped around my wrist. I was slammed back into a hard chest, and let out a harsh, oof.

Rhys instantly released me, and began apologizing. “Shoot, Feyre, I’m so sorry! didn’t mean to do that.”

“It’s fine.” I said, trying to slip away from him and towards that dining room where I could smell pancakes and homemade syrup. “Really, don’t worry about it.”

From the corner of my eyes, I saw his face fall a bit. “Oh. Well, I’m still sorry.”

Again, I waved his concerns off, and began to inch away.

“Feyre, wait.” He called, jogging to catch up to me.

I clenched my eyes shut, realizing and accepting that I would almost certainly miss those fluffy circles of heaven. “Yeah, Rhys. What do you want?” I muttered, a bit harsher than I’d ever spoken to him.

He flinched. “Is this about last night? I’m really sorry I didn’t make it, something came up with Ianthe that I had to take care of, and we got back way later than I’d anticipated, but... I know I told you that I’d be there, and I promise it won’t happen again.”

I huffed, crossing my arms, and not meeting his gaze.

Rhys clenched his jaw. “Feyre, are you serious? You’re actually mad at me for this?”

“Yeah, Rhysand. I am mad.”

He blanched, then narrowed his eyes. “I make one mistake, and you’re back to calling me Rhysand?” Shaking his head and crossing his arms, he scoffed. “I told you beforehand that I might not make our meeting.”

Again, I huffed. “No, you told me that you might be late, which implies that you will most definitely make it. At the very least, you could have texted one of the interns to tell me you weren’t coming.”

He clenched his eyes shut, and let out a long breath. “You’re right.” He said.

I started, my eyes near bulging out of my head. “What?”

“You’re right.” He said again, moving to lean against the wall. “I should have found some way to tell you I wasn’t going to be there, instead of just not showing up. It was a shitty thing to do, and was really unfair to you. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again, Feyre.”

All I could do was blink, a small smile slipping onto my lips. “Oh..it’s okay.” I gave him my most reassuring smile, reaching out to place my hand over his. “I forgive you, Rhys. We all make mistakes sometimes.”

Rhys smiled warmly, and it may have been my imagination, but I thought he was blushing. His eyes traveled down to where my hand still rested on his. I made to pull back, but he quickly and gently gripped my hand, turning it in his so that he could trace over the palm.

My cheeks continued to warm until I was certain that a tomato was less red than I.

He gave me a sly, sweet smile. “There was also something I wanted to ask you, Feyre darling.”

I found it hard to meet his eyes, as a silly grin took over me.

He leaned down so that we were eye level with each other, and I found my own grin mirrored in his tan face. “Feyre darling, will you do me the immense honor of going on a date with me today?”

I didn’t bother to hide my excitement, and threw my arms around him. “Yes!” I squealed, then immediately pulled back. “Sorry, I got a bit excited.” I admitted sheepishly.

Rhys chuckled sweetly. “It’s alright.” He murmured. “Now, go get changed.”

Once again, I started. “What? Right now?”

“Yes, now!” He laughed, leading me up the stairs, and towards my room.

I paused outside my door, and turned to face him. “Uhh… What do I wear?”

He paused, and looked me up and down, his gaze lingering on the skin exposed by my cropped t-shirt. He gave me a pained grimace. “As much as I love that shirt, you’ll want a longer one, and wear tennis shoes. And you might want a sweatshirt.” He thought for a moment then said, “Actually, wear leggings. I’ll be back soon to get everything else you’ll need clothes-wise.”

“Wait, why don’t you just tell me what else to bring?” I asked, a hand resting on the door knob.

“Because that could ruin the surprise.” He replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Meet me downstairs at twelve-thirty, okay?”

Confused, I nodded and slipped into my room and shut the door. Then I began rummaging through my suitcase for clean clothes. When I’d settled on a clean set of old clothes, and had changed, I saw that I still had almost twenty minutes left before I had to meet Rhys, which was more than enough time to take care of my hair. I pulled the bandana off, and let out a low groan. It was even worse than before, with small strands sticking out at ninety degree angles, and small sections curling wildly.

At that moment, Halle barged in, her loud personality filling the small space allmsot instantly. “Hey, Feyfey!” She squealed, running over to give me a warm hug. I smiled to myself, hugging her back.

“Hey, Hall. What’s up?” I murmured, taking in her large, blonde curls that were impossibly shiny and sleek.

She instantly slipped into older sister mode, and began combing my hair for me before I could so much as protest. “The girls are throwing a pool party in an hour, and one of the girls needs to borrow a swimsuit. Do you have a spare? It’s for Mae.” She reached for the hair straightener, and began running it through my hair gently, the stray hairs smoothing down.

I sighed, raking through my recent memories for who Mae was. A thick sense of guilt washed over me when I realized I must have forgotten her, and decided to simply bluff my way out. “I don’t, but since I’m going out with Rhys, Mae can borrow mine.”

Halle froze, that straightener halfway in the air. “Feyre Archeron, you have a date with Rhys? And you didn’t tell me?” She squawked, tossing the styling tool down. “Come on, we’ve got to get you ready! When do you leave?”

All I could do was watch as she flurried around our room. “Um, yeah? We leave at twelve thirty.”

“And you’re wearing that?” She said, gesturing to my old hoodie.

“Yes? He told me what to wear, Hall.”

She paused. “Oh. Okay, I can work with that. What did he say?”

“T-shirt, hoodie, leggins and good shoes.”

“Alright….” She scanned me from head to toe, and finally admitted that what I had on would suffice. Once she finished my hair, I allowed her to put a thin layer of makeup on me, and with five minutes to spare, she took my swimsuit, gave me her favorite scrunchie, wished me luck, and vanished on a fruit-scented breeze.

Less than a second later, she popped back in to borrow a change of clothes for Mae, who had forgotten to do laundry. I laughed as she scurried out, again, and slowly began meandering down the stairs.

As I reached the last few steps, I heard a murmuring of voices, which quickly hushed themselves, and then a clattering of rushed footsteps. Rhys stepped out from a side hallway, with a backpack slung over one shoulder, clad in a black, sleeveless t-shirt and basketball shorts. “Are you ready, Feyre Darling?” He asked, holding out a hand towards me.

I blushed, but took it, nodding.

Rhys led me down that pathway, and towards the black limousine waiting for us. zHe opened the door for me, and I quickly scampered in, taking in the cool air, which was a blessed relief from the hot summer sun.

He took the seat across from me, as the driver began our journey by pulling out into the street.

“I’ve never been in a limo before,” I muttered, eyes zipping from place to place, never landing and staying on anything for more than a second.

“Before this show, I haven't either.”

The rest of the journey passed in quiet conversation, and somehow, we ended up side by side, discussing whether it was possible for chocolate milk to be natural. Rhys argued that since all of the ingredients were naturally occuring, it was possible, but unlikely, while I said that the conditions for it to occur naturally would be too hard to meet for it to be plausible.

A sharp knock came from the driver, letting us know we had arrived.

Rhys suddenly became somber, his smile vanishing. “Okay, one thing I need to say.”

I gave him a confused look. “Okay, go for it.”

“If you hate this, we can leave at any time and do whatever you want. That’s it.”

I nodded that I understood, and Rhys opened the door.

“Oh my god.”

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illyrianbeauty · 6 years

Text

Rattled Star: Part 27

Her older sisters would tease her endlessly. Her boyfriend, Tamlin, would tell her that she was being stupid. For those reasons, and also wanting a taste of freedom, Feyre Archeron didn’t tell anyone she was going to a book signing featuring her favorite author. After nearly missing the event entirely, she meets a violet eyed stranger. She knows she should forget all about him. After all, she’s in love with Tamlin, isn’t she?

Fic Masterlist

Writing Masterlist

Part 27

“So, he wasn’t completely hideous looking, I’ll give him that, but talk about an asshole,” Dily sneered.

“Dilys! Cauldron boil and fry me! What is the matter with you?” Rhys hissed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“What? It’s true!” she huffed, resting her elbows on the table top.

Mor, who was helping herself to another slice of pizza, drawled, “I really wish you had let Rhys punch him again, Fey.”

“Seriously. He deserved it,” Dily huffed. Feyre picked at the half eaten slice of pizza on her plate. She had been extremely glad that they had been able to avoid getting into a physical altercation with Tamlin. The last thing she had wanted was for Rhys to get hurt on her account. Now that they had returned to the apartment, she wanted nothing more than to forget about the whole incident.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Az watching her. She swiveled in her chair slightly and met his gaze. A myriad of emotions flashed on his face as he took her in.

“Let’s change the subject. I, for one, am sick of talking about that idiot,” Az said as he gave her a wink. Feyre got the impression that Az was both extremely observant and perceptive. She tucked that bit of information away for later. She gave him a grateful smile.

“Fine. We’ll change the subject.” Dily gave Az a mischievous look as she continued, “So, are you bringing a date to the christmas party this year?” Feyre watched in fascination as the man beside her turned crimson.

“Not that it’s any of your business… but no. I’m not bringing a date,” he stammered.

Rhys clapped him on the back roughly and said, “Not to worry, brother. It seems as though all of us are going stag this year.”

“Speak for yourself,” Mor said nonchalantly as she inspected a perfectly manicured nail.

“Oh? And who are you bringing?” Dily said, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Andromache. She’s the one I keep running into at the coffee shop,” Mor said, her whole face lighting up.

Feyre squealed, “You finally asked her out? I told you she was into you!”

Mor nodded, “You were right Fey! I think she really liked me, which is good, since I really like her!”

“Of course she said yes. You’re amazing! Who wouldn’t want to go with you?’ Dily said with a huge smile.

“Who’s Christmas party is it? What’s it like?” Feyre asked, curious about how her friends celebrate the holiday. She hadn’t celebrated many holidays over the years, given her family's financial situation.

“Dily rubbed her hands together excitedly and said, “My father’s company has a huge party every Christmas Eve. They always go all out with the food, entertainment, and everything. It’s amazing.”

“It’s not as great as she’s making it out to be,” Rhys drawled.

“She’s just excited because this year they’re letting her eat at the grownup table. For once,” Mor sneered. Dily stuck her tongue out at Mor dramatically.

“I have an idea… Rhys, why don’t you take Feyre as your date? It would be such a shame if she had to miss it,” Az of all people drawled. What the hell? Feyre wasn’t sure if she or Rhys had turned a brighter shade of red.

Rhys rubbed the back of his neck and stammered, “How about it, Feyre Darling? Would you like to go to the Christmas party with me? Just as friends, of course.”

A thrill ran through her and she answered, “Sure. Why not. We can go as friends. ”

***

In the two weeks since her ill fated wedding day, Feyre had come to relish her newfound freedom. She snorted. Who could have ever predicted that she would one day feel grateful for being able to work? She had gotten her job back at Helion’s, thank the Cauldron, with little trouble. She was manning the register at the end of what had turned out to be a pretty uneventful afternoon when her phone began to vibrate.

Rhyses Pieces: You’re at work, aren't you?

Ferye couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face. Even though she technically hadn’t known him for more than a few months, she had come to cherish their friendship. His witty sense of humor could make her laugh even when she was in the worst of moods.

Feyre: The last time you asked me that, both you and the she- devil showed up…

Rhyses Pieces: Hey! At least I came with good intentions!!

Bringing her that Harry Potter book had been such a sweet gesture! She bit her bottom lip as she fingered the book in her lap. After Ianthe had shown up unexpectedly, she had left his gift at the bookstore for safekeeping. And then everything had happened with Tamlin… so she hadn’t had a chance to actually begin reading it until recently. Feyre had told Rhys just last night that she was close to finishing the book. Is that why he was texting? Was he bringing her the next book in the series? She couldn’t hold back the little excited squeak that escaped her mouth.

Feyre: True :)

Feyre: What are planning???

Rhyses Pieces: ME? I’m hurt that you would make such ghastly incriminations!

Feyre: RHYS!!!

Rhyses Pieces: Yes, Feyre Darling?

Feyre: Tell me!

Rhyses Pieces: Nope. But I’ll show you! ;)

Feyre whipped her head around just in time to watch Rhys walk through the door.

“Hello Feyre Darling!” he purred as he strolled over to her. It did not escape her notice that his hands were positioned suspiciously behind his back.

She narrowed her eyes and huffed, “What are you up to?”

He smiled coyly at he and said, “I brought you something.” She had been right! Rhys got her another Harry Potter book!

“Hand it over!” she said squealed.

“Well, aren’t you mighty bossy today,” he said, pursing his lips

“Rhys!” she whined. The corners of Rhys’s mouth twitched upward. With a flourish, brought one of his arms around from behind his back and handed her a very large book. Feyre’s face fell as she studied the rather dreary looking book.

“What is this?” she asked, trying to hide her disappointment.

“This, Feyre Darling, is a book to help you prepare,” he said, running his hand though his hair.

“Prepare for what?” she asked as she quirked a brow a him.

He scrutinized her warily as he said, “For taking the High School Equivalency Test. I’m going to help you get your GED.”

“You have got to be kidding me!” she hissed. She knew telling him that she had never graduated high school would end up biting her in the ass. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him.

“I thought you might react this way, so I brought you a peace offering,” he grinned, removing his other hand from behind his back. Feyre’s eyes sparkled as he placed a hardcover copy of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets into her awaiting hands.

***

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books--andt · 7 years

Conversation

A Court of Wings and Ruin by Sarah J Maas Review and Spoiler Discussion!!!

Hey everyone!! Raise your hand if you read and devoured ACOWAR and loved every stinking minute of it! *raises hand 1231434241 times*

Ahh the long awaited ACOWAR, the third and final book in this trilogy. But have no fear! SJM has announced that she will be writing more books set in this world, just not from Feyre's perspective. I CANNOT WAIT YOU GUYS.

To give some thoughts for my non spoiler readers... Sarah J Maas is a queen. Her writing is liquid gold. The way she describes courts, weather, clothing--everything was just beautiful. The character development, for not only Feyre and Rhys, but for other characters as well was through the roof and truly, honestly, makes you wish these characters were real because they FEEl real. They feel like they are your own friends and family and I ended up caring deeply for every one of them. And don't even get me started on Velaris. I WISH I LIVED THERE!

Read this book. This series. Read EVERYTHING by the queen- SARAH J MAAS!

***SPOILER TALK AHEAD***

Hey spoiler peeps! SO! Where do I even begin?? Feyre begins her story trapped yet again in the Spring court. I have to say, I really, really despised Tamlin all throughout this book. The fact that he didn't understand that he wasn't making Feyre happy, that he was trapping her, and that she left on her own FREE WILL made me so angry. It wasn't until the end of the book when I actually was like, ok, he's learned, he sort of redeemed himself. We'll get more into this later.

Once Feyre and Rhys were back together my heart grew three sizes. They are just perfect together. They spoke a lot more with their minds, being Daemati, and I thought this showed just how close the two of them are.

I freaking love Nesta. I feel like if you were to tell someone this who has only read ACOTAR they'd be pretty confused, but her character development, and Elain's too was just stunning. I love how Nesta has this tough attitude about her. She's the kind of person who would say, "you can say mean things about me. But insult my family and friends? You're dead."

And don't even get me started on her and Cassian!!!!!!!!!!! I SHIP!!!!! SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!! I was dying at the end of ACOMAF when she was being forced into that cauldron and Cassian was crawling for her, and calling her name. And then I was bawling YET AGAIN when the same thing was happening at the end of ACOWAR, when Nesta is about to kill the king of Hybern, having summoned the cauldrons powers, but is stopped short when the king breaks her fathers neck, killing him, and her powers are snuffed out. Meanwhile, Cassian is laying at her side, crawling towards her, his wings snapped and broken, telling her to leave him, to run, and she tells him that she CAN'T leave him. Oh my heart. When Nesta positioned herself in front of Cassian and he held her back, I was CERTAIN that Hybern was going to kill them and I was NOT ready. I was nearly bawling at this point. But thank the Mother!!! Elain!!!! She is exactly as SJM describes her as; a flower child, with flora in her mind and a hobby for gardening. But then she comes up behind Hybern and BOOM! Stabs him in the throat-- with the blade Azriel gave her nonetheless! This just proves how she isn't just a bystander, how she has faced trivialities, and hardships, and losses, and it has shaped her into who she is. I'm not trying to say that you need to kill someone to prove your strength, god no, but it was just SO SATISFYING when she stabbed the king and then hisses into his ear, "Don't you dare touch my sister." I DIED. And of course, Nesta gives the final twist of the blade that severs the kings head from his body. Just fulfilling that death promise that she made with her vulgar gesture before being fully submerged in the cauldron in ACMOAF. Loved it.

When Amren betrayed Feyre I was pissed, but only because I didn't understand what Amren intended to do. For a second I thought Amren was going to completely turn on her, and say she was fighting with Hybern, and had been this whole time. But then we realize that she just figured out the only way to stop him and his army is if she is transformed into her original body, the one that would make her forget who Feyre, Rhys, and the others are. It was a sad reality, but one they couldn't risk not having.

AND RHYS. OH. MY. GOD. When he died.... I think all of us readers died a little inside too. But it didn't actually hit me as hard as when I thought Cassian and Nesta were going to die. And that is simply because I didn't believe that SJM would kill Rhys off like that. She's a dreamer, and a lover, and I just couldn't accept that she would leave Feyre to live her immortal life without her mate! Where as for Cassian and Nesta... It just seemed like that could actually happen. Thank the Mother it did not!

The part that really killed me was when Feyre realizes Rhys is dead and is shouting, begging, for the other High Lords to do something to, "BRING HIM BACK." I was a blubbery mess. Until Tarquin, the youngest of the High Lords, steps forward and says to him, "For what he gave. Today and for many years before." And he is the first to give him an ounce of his power. This was so touching to me because Tarquin had sent them blood rubies, had thought them to be liars and thieves. But he then sees that it is not who they are, that they want peace just as he does. When all the other High Lords gave their powers I was really holding my hopes high, that Rhys would indeed survive. But then Tamlin... I was afraid he wouldn't give up his powers to Rhys, and poor Feyre Darling was begging him saying she would give him anything. And then my heart just broke further when he said to her, "Just be happy, Feyre." This is where he redeemed himself for me. That he FINALLY sees that Feyre is indeed happy with Rhys, as High Lady of the Night Court. And while he is still bitter about it probably, and is a real man-bitch to Lucien, I'm happy he at least accepts what Feyre desires now, and helped her to continue her happiness. I also thought it was neat to see the High lords give their powers to Rhys, gently pouring a bit of their magical light onto his bare throat. We didn't see this in ACMOAF since Feyre was dead so it was neat. But one thing that I'm questioning is just the whole process...If the seven High Lords can bring back the dead, why don't they do it all the time? I understand for a mortal they would be giving away their powers as they did to Feyre and they don't want that, but for a High Lord... Well, Rhys didn't steal any of their powers. So basically, if they can do this, the High Lords can never die and will always be able to come back to life, so long as they all agree upon it...Interesting. Unless there are some rules about this that we do not know of yet.

When Rhys awoke and Amren too was returned to them- that shocked me! I was-and still am- surprised that not a single one of the inner circle died or was sent back to where they came from. I'm not saying I wanted any of them too, but it all just seemed so... perfect to have them all end up back together. While Amren no longer has her abilities she had before, she is now High Fae and can maybe learn to train and fight as they would- if she even needs it. I also have to admit, that while I adore the little romances, I kind of prefer Amren on her own. She is just so independent and bad ass, so while I liked her with Varian, I'm not sure I want them to be mates.

AND MOR!!! Tell me that scene where she comes out to Feyre didn't kill you on the inside, splitting your heart into 1000 tiny pieces???? It all makes sense. Why she did what she did with Cassian to avoid being married to Eris, why she could never let herself be with Azriel because while it would mean close to nothing for her, as it had with previous men she'd been with, it would mean a lot to him. It just made my heart grow. And what made it grow even more was Feyre's reaction. She let Mor speak, and gave her the absolute most respect, understanding, and acceptance. I especially loved that she told Mor she wouldn't tell anyone, not even Rhys, which is SO important, because a gay or lesbian person should have the full right to declare the time and manner of when and to who they come out. I love that SJM incorporates this kind of diversity in her books. We also have Thesan, High Lord of the Dawn court who is gay and mated to his captain. Then there's Helion, High Lord of the Day court, who is bisexual. I adored these characters and loooooved learning about the courts more and meeting their High Lords. I really loved the descriptions of the Winter Court; the white foxes wearing little vests, the white bears, the long blue overcoats with white rabbit fur at the trims. And of course, Kallias and his wife Vivianne. I really adored them too.

And then we have those three beautiful monsters. The Bone Carver, the Weaver, and Bryaxis. I was SHOOK when Feyre realized that the Bone Carver was being seen to her as her and Rhys' possible future son. SHOOK I TELL YOU! And when Rhys quietly asked what he looked like and Feyre showed him with her mind... *heart breaks 1213344123 more times*

I was sad when he died, surprisingly. I was never attached to the Bone Carver but... Just when Feyre said that she wishes that he goes to wherever it is he imagined, since he was so fascinated by death, and she sent a prayer to him... That part got me.

When Stryga, the Weaver died... Well I was sad but only because she was fighting for the good side. I think that character is so fascinating and creepy and just... That scene in the Weavers cottage in ACOMAF is one I'll never forget for sure. And when Feyre goes back there in ACOWAR, luring Ianthe and that other guy with her, omg SHOOK AGAIN!! Feyre knew not to close the door, knowing well it would lock, and pinned Ianthe inside while telling the Weaver she brought her dinner. What a vicious, deserving death for Ianthe. Good riddance.

And that poor Suriel... I wonder what it's name was. Feyre is honestly like a disney princess, having all the woodland animals like her and get along with her. She was so respectful to ask for Helion's cape and lay it overtop the Suriel. I feel like it is a debt that no other Suriel will ever not know of or forget. And their father!!! When he came with those ships, three of which were named after his daughters my heart was aching. It just bound their bond a bit tighter, since well, there wasn't really a bond between the four of them at all before. It showed that he is sorry for not being the father he wished he could be, but that he loved them dearly, and was now trying to make things right. He was not away on merchant business as they had thought, but had heard of the betrayal of the mortal queens and sought to find Vassa and Drakon and Myriam who Lucien then brought to the battle. When he died... I mean, I wasn't super connected to him, nor were his three daughters I have to say, but it was indeed sad, just because he was there, fighting for them, loving them even as they were Fae.

And Jurian?? Thank goodness he was on the good side. I'd like to learn more about him as well as Drakon and Myriam. Their stories weren't the most interesting to me, but still I'd like to know more!

While this book surely closed some ties- more so with Rhys and Feyre. I am SO happy they live happily together, laying over Velaris. Although I'm sure they will be facing a little more turmoil in the books to come. What with the mortal queens never showing up to war and all.

Gawd I wonder what's in store for us next??? I'm hoping we see more from the inner circle. I want to see Mor happy with a girlfriend, to have her father either accept it or just be completely thrown out of the picture (good riddance again) and to have Azriel know so that he doesn't think anything is wrong with him. MAN I loved him in this book. He's so shy and mysterious and just... *heart eyes* I also hope he finds a lover-not that you need a lover to be happy but... you know. I kind of like him and Elain together... Anyone else?? I mean, he gave her his SWORD!!!! TRUTH TELLER!!! I know that Elain and Lucien are mates and all, but I said in my review of ACOMAF that it seemed to come out of now where, and it certainly didn't seem to click into place in this book. Elain did not accept the mating bond, nor did she make him food, and she hardly ever spoke to him. If anything, I think they could be friends. Perhaps this will be an example of how the mating bond is not always right, since it's somewhat connected to bearing the strongest offspring, but there's waaaaaay more to a relationship than that of course. Maybe Lucien will find some other lover/mate? I've heard others thoughts of him possibly being with Vassa?? I wonder if Feyre will free her of her firebird curse; Firebird by day, normal female by night.

I also want to see what happens with Nesta and Cassian. Because I SHIP IT SO HARD, MAN. I also want to see if Amren and Varian do end up together or not. It did indeed break my heart when Varian was pleading with Feyre and Amren saying no to her going into the cauldron. But still... Amren is so strong and sassy she can be a bad ass High Fae all on her own without any man.

AND UMMM Lucien is related to Helion!!!!!!!!!!! It all makes sense... He doesn't look like any of his brothers or his father, and this would explain why his fathers and brothers hate him so much. His mother had an affair with Helion, who doesn't even know that Lucien is his son!! How will this play out??? Will Lucien find out somehow? Will he be told? Will Helion discover it?? ORRRR!!!!! Will Helion die, and then boom the new High lord of the Day Court is Lucien and he didn't even know.... THAT would be a shock for him to say the very least.

Also can we talk about the glorious fan art???? It's basically exactly as I picture the Inner Circle to look. Charlie Bowater is seriously talented. Her recent work has Cassian in a man bun-- Like Guys COME ON!!! *heart eyes x 1000* I seriously need the colouring books now, both ACOTAR and ToG. I neeeeeed themmmmmm.

And speculation on an ACOTAR movie??? I mean HELL TO THE YES but the casting would need to be spot on AND it would have to be really, really true to the books. Not holding anything back just to make it suitable for all audiences. War is bloody. War is brutal. It can't be toned down. And for the sexy time scenes well... Maybe it would be sort of like an HBO show ;)

WELL. That was a long one. I love Sarah J MAAS' books. I always thought I loved Throne Of Glass so much more... but now they are pretty even. I can't wait for the next instalments, although it is going to be VERY difficult to wait all the way until 2018 for them. In the meantime... Guess I'll just be rereading them and reading up on some theories for the latter books! What are yours??? I've read some theories for connections between the ToG and ACOTAR universe and it's mind blowing guys, mind blowing.

1000/5 Stars on glorious Star Fall in Velaris. *sighs* Now on to bingeing all the ACOWAR reviews, and perhaps buying an ACOTAR universe themed candle, while I remain in what may just be my largest book hangover yet.... although EoS did give me a huge one too.

What are your thoughts on ACOWAR? I'd LOOOOOVEEE to know and talk all about it! Send me a message or reply to this chat!

As always, thanks for reading.

- T

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