#hey are there any homestucks here i can be friends with here hello hello hi hello

[transkrunkler]

creating a new account on something is so stressful like you immediately feel like you have to post something or else you'll be dead to the entire community NOBODY KNOWS I EXIST WHY AM I ACTUALLY WORRYING (first post woohoo)

[glitchyvoice]

Hello everyone!! This is gonna be the text dump version of my intro post, this'll be updated once I have the carrd ready.

Looking for my post-game cotl references?? Don't worry!! You can still find those here

Shamura's temple refs here

And if there's other references you need, feel free to ask!! More than likely I'll go hunt them down for you.

My name is Glitchy. I am 19, genderfaun, polyam, and aroace. (sex repulsed.) I use any pronouns except for she/her. (including neopronouns!! go wild!!)

I am a British American artist and writer living in the US. Commissions are not currently open, (except for friends n moots) but I plan on opening them soon. (In the meantime, if you'd like to donate, here's my KoFi!!)

The fic I'm currently working on is Fate's Twine!! Feel free to check it out if you're into cotl!! (I'll add more info about it on the carrd.)

Note - If you're (somehow) here from Scattered Stardust, it's on hiatus currently. Not stopping it, but it might be a while before I get back to writing it.

Tags:

#glitchyvoices his (dumb) thoughts - text post/ramble tag

#glitchydoodles - art tag!! i put all my art here

#glitchycritters - oc posts

#glitchyanswers - for when i answer asks

#glitchysaves - my save tag. just a random collection of refs for personal use and posts i found funny enough to save

Link to my Twitch

Boundaries and fandom lists under the cut!!

MY BOUNDARIES

Proshippers, just block me. If you interact I’ll just block you and move on with my day, thanks.

Do NOT repost my art and claim it as your own. (Reblogging is NOT reposting!! Reblogging is appreciated and helps support me!! Reblog as you wish!!)

Do NOT put my art or fics through any ai programs. (Yes, this includes character ai!!) I don’t care what it’s for, I don’t want ai scraping my stuff.

You may use my art as a pfp as long as the account you are using it for is non-profit and you credit me.

Asks and DMs are open! Send whatever you like, with a few boundaries:

NO NSFW content. I am sex repulsed and that stuff makes me uncomfortable. If you send it, I will block you. Suggestive content and jokes are okay. (If you are an adult, obviously.) Not sure if something is suggestive or NSFW? Ask me! I won’t be upset with you for just asking, I promise.

Don’t advertise in my asks or dms, that’s weird.

If I don’t know you and you send me a link, I will assume you are a bot and block you.

Don’t ask me to proofread my fics, the answer will always be no.

Don’t come into my asks or dms critiquing my art or writing. If I don’t specifically say the words “Hey can you critique this?” then I don’t want it.

Want to tag me in a post you think I’ll like? Go for it! Just, again, don’t tag me in anything NSFW, thanks.

Want to make art of my designs or characters? Go for it! Please tag me so I can see it! (You’ll genuinely make like my entire week)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MY FANDOMS

This is mostly just a dump list of anything I can remember I like. I'll add to it as I remember more.

CURRENT MAIN HYPERFIXATION: COTL

Other fandoms I enjoy:

Animal Crossing

Billie Bust Up

Cookie Run Kingdom

Dayshift at Freddy's

Detroit: Become Human

Don't Starve/Don't Starve Together

ENA

Five Nights At Freddy's

Fran Bow

Generation Loss

Hollow Knight

Homestuck

Honkai: Star Rail

Indigo Park

Inscryption

JRWI Riptide [No spoilers, please!]

Kagerou Project

Life is Strange

Little Misfortune

Little Nightmares

Madoka Magica

Night In The Woods

Omori

Ooblets

Pokemon

Portal

Sally Face

Sky COTL

Splatoon [No Side Order spoilers, please]

Stardew Valley

The Amazing Digital Circus

The Bunny Graveyard

The Legend of Zelda

The Stanley Parable

The Walten Files

Undertale/Deltarune

Welcome Home

Your Turn to Die

Into something that’s not on this list? Shoot me an ask about it! I love hearing about new fandoms and just listening to people talk about their interests in general. More than likely I’ll end up looking into it. (Or I'll already know about it and just forgot to add it to the list)

[sometimes-love-is-enough]

ik this is very out of nowhere ask but honest to god i think youre the only person in this fandom who could see the appeal of 2016/7!thomas with 2020!sides and vise versa... i think about it all the time but i have no one to talk about it with. I just had to say it to someone before I went crazy

[clasps hands together] RIGHT. so. obviously for the sake of this we’re ignoring the fact that thomas is the sides and vice versa and any change to one would mean a change to the other (e.g. 2020!thomas’s sides would change to reflect him in that moment, probably) - that’s cool and good, i just needed to get this out of the way. presumably this is like a time travel thing, or maybe we’re just doing a casual hand-wavey magical swappage thing. i don’t think the exact details matter. Let's get straight to the juicy stuff.

2020!Thomas, og sides:

Current Thomas is, paradoxically, somehow More Balanced than his 2016 counterpart AND a million times worse off, mental health-wise

Fuck imagine how completely baffled Janus would be that Thomas not only knows of his existence but also his NAME.

Thomas, despite being very confused and kind of frightened (they're all wearing their old costumes?? They're all referring to each other by DAD and ANXIETY and LOGIC what's going ON) is kind of absolutely delighted that for once, he knows many things that his Sides do not. Especially Janus. He gets to be cryptic and ominous towards Janus. He probably shouldn't be enjoying this as much as he is

I like to image Remus had been carefully saving up all of his best material (including his big musical number) for his grand entrance in DWIT. Which is why he's kind of bewildered when (after being summoned so, so much earlier than he ever thought he would be) Thomas only just kind of winces at 'have you ever imagined killing your own brother' and shapeshifted Joan eating a severed hand. I mean, rude? What's going on - wait, is Thomas harmonizing with the gory bits in Forbidden Fruit? Nevermind, this fucking rocks he's all for it

Current!Thomas: :D!! VIRGIL!!! 2016!Virgil, who is a grumpy sardonic cagey edgelord who's never known anything but mildly disgusted antagonism between him and Thomas: fucking what

Thomas is so weirdly nice to Anxiety that literally everybody there is suspicious. Are we sure this is Thomas. Is Thomas having some sort of weird midlife crisis.

Thomas, who has been keeping an obsessive list in his head of Literally Everything That's Gone Wrong In His Life Over The Last Four Years: okay so first of all we're going to have a serious talk about dealing with repression, but the moment we're done with that we're going to mess with the timeline so that my friends' wedding falls on any day but the homestuck day -

current!sides, 2016!Thomas:

Obligatory 'what the fuck who are these new people and what are these new outfits and WHY DO YOU ALL SUDDENLY HAVE NAMES I THOUGHT THIS WAS JUST A FUN GOOFY QUIRKY THING OF MINE' but that's kind of obvious

Virgil: hey so Thomas: ! anxiety >:(((

Virgil, suddenly recalling all of his character development over the past few years: oh boy. Well, this isn't going to be fun at all huh

Roman trying to make the most of fouryearsago!Thomas to spend time with him and impress them because at this point Roman Is Still His Hero and he doesn't want to let that go

Logan, who has been keeping meticulous records of Thomas's Recent Downwards Mental Health Spiral For The Last Four Years: My Time Has Come. Thomas, here's what you need to do -

Patton, who is fully aware how skewed his perspective has been and how much that's affected Thomas's mental health: okay, kiddo. Time to have a very very long talk about not relying on my morality perspective

Roman: oh and don't bother trying to get a new location for filming, the echo in the Mind Palace set fuckin sucks

Remus gets a second chance at doing an intro, and he is living for it because now he can fix literally every little thing about DWIT that he ever thought about changing, and also crank the dial up to one million now that he knows how Thomas is going to react. Almost nobody else is as enthusiastic about this as he is

Thomas: and who's this guy Janus: i am your overwhelming honesty and also your favorite, hello Virgil: >:|

[hachichimitsu2]

ABOUT ME

Hachi ✨ 20 ✨ She/Her ✨ 🇵🇭 ✨ INFJ 6w5

Hello, I’m Hachi! I'm a full-time freelance illustrator on Fiverr, and I hopefully plan to branch out in other artistic areas in my life! Expect me to dump all of my artistic interests over here : #hachichiart

I also have a children’s picture e-book that I self-published on Amazon. I made it as a requirement for my high school thesis, so while the art there is definitely a representation of my past, I still stand by the message I was trying to send. I hope to eventually branch out this series in a form of a webcomic of sorts, for people who can’t afford to purchase my e-book for financial reasons. These characters are extremely dear to me, and I can’t wait to expound on them when I have the time lmao. Here’s a tag regarding the series: #behindtheartistichand

Some note-worthy things to mention, this blog is generally 15+, but I do make sure to tag any NSFW content and general triggers out there. I often post and retweet adult animation, so I’d say tread carefully if you’re a minor. I’m also critical with the media I consume, but most of the time, I like to talk about why I like something rather than why I hate it. I just find it more fun to expound on the positives of my favorite things. I also don’t take everything seriously.

Please let me know privately if I did or say anything wrong. Sometimes I say things without meaning to, and I’m not the brightest crayon in the box, so constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. If you take offense with anything I posted, just send a polite DM and explain why it offended you so I can be educated regarding the subject. I’m also available for any questions, DMs and a genuine chit-chat.

MAIN INTERESTS

1. Character-Driven Storytelling

2. Adult Cartoons

3. CGDCT / Slice-of-Life Shows

4. Pastel Goth / Creepy Cute Fashion

5. Coming-of-Age Stories

6. Magical Girls

7. Psychological Horror

8. Well-Written Children’s Media

9. RPG Maker Horror Games

10. Video Essays & Film Studies

11. Speed Metal / Vaporwave / Shibuya-Kei

12. K-POP / J-POP Girl Groups (Serotonin Babey!)

13. 4LT (MBTI), Typology, Cognitive Functions

14. All Types of Artistic Endeavors (OCs, FanArt, Comics, Film, Music, Fanfiction, etc.)

TOP 5 ANIME SERIES (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER)

1. K-ON!!

2. Hunter x Hunter

3. Neon Genesis Evangelion

4. Ojamajo Doremi

5. Ouran Highschool Host Club.

TOP 5 CARTOON SERIES (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER)

1. South Park

2. Bojack Horseman

3. Moral Orel

4. Ed, Edd n Eddy

5. Infinity Train

FAVORITE MOVIES

1. Interstellar (Favorite Sci-Fi Movie of All Time)

2. Nacho Libre (Favorite Guilty Pleasure Movie)

3. Johnny Got His Gun (Scariest movie of all time due to the sheer existential dread)

4. Studio Ghibli Films (Particularly Ponyo, My Neighbor Totoro & Grave of the Fireflies)

5. Perfect Blue (Favorite Anime Movie)

6. One Cut of the Dead (It’s hard to recommend this movie without spoiling it, but it’s an absolute must that you finish it in its entirety before you proceed to make any further judgments)

7. Coraline (I know almost everyone loves Coraline at this point, but it’s genuinely good.)

8. Interview with the Vampire (Favorite Vampire movie of all time that doesn’t seem overdone or cliché. It’s also really gay)

9. Get Out (2017)

10. Us (2019)

11. Up (2009)

12. Toy Story (Movies 1 to 3)

13. Hereditary (2018)

14. The Shining (1980)

15. Audition (1999)

16. Misery (1990)

17. The Green Mile (1999)

18. Shawshank Redemption (1994)

19. Saving Private Ryan (1998)

20. Mommie Dearest (1981)

21. The Others (2001)

22. The Platform (2020)

23. The Lodge (2019)

OTHERS

1. Homestuck (It’s been a good while since I read Homestuck, so my memory of the general storyline is fuzzy. I’ll re-read it once I have the chance)

2. When They Cry (Currently up-to date with the Higurashi anime and watched the live-action movies. Finally started to tackle the sound novels. Have yet to encounter Umineko and Ciconia)

3. Age of Youth (Favorite K-drama of all time.)

4. Squid Game (Battle Royale-type thriller series that tackles capitalism and the illusion of choice and free will? Sign me the fuck up)

5. Majisuka Gakuen (Favorite J-drama of all time. Also, yes, I’m biased because of my love for AKB48.)

6. Flight of the Conchords (Favorite live-action series of all time.)

7. Adult Cartoons (The Boondocks, Camp Camp, Superjail, The Oblongs, Bob’s Burgers, The Simpsons, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Home Movies, Beavis & Butthead, Daria, Smiling Friends, Aggretsuko)

8. FilmCow (I absolutely love everything they put out. Currently up to date with VuloLives’s broadcasts)

9. The Eric Andre Show (A good friend recommended me this show, and I haven’t stopped since.)

10. Nathan for You (My humor condensed into one show)

11. CGDCT / Slice-of-Life Shows (Sweetness & Lightning, The Amazing World of Gumball, Spongebob Squarepants, Gakkou Gurashi, Lucky Star, Gakuen Utopia Manabi Straight, Koufuku Graffiti, Hidamari Sketch, Pita-Ten, A Little Snow Fairy Sugar, Di Gi Charat, Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid, Yama no Susume, Shirobako, Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei, Saint Young Men, Gunslinger Girl, Kareshi Kanojo no Jijou, Osomatsu-san, Hey Arnold, The Peanuts, Arthur, Hibike! Euphonium, Nichijou, Asobi Asobase, Azumanga Daioh, Codename: Kids Next Door, Chowder)

12. Idol Anime (Love Live! School Idol Project, Aikatsu, Revue Starlight, Full Moon wo Sagashite, Pretty Rhythm, AKB600SEC // Will get into IDOLMASTER eventually)

13. Undertale (Will pick up Earthbound and Omori eventually)

14. RPGMaker Horror Games (Mad Father, Misao, The Witch’s House, Ao Oni, etc. Hoping to get into newer released games!)

15. Fictional Children / Adolescents Getting Trapped in Dangerous Scenarios (Digimon Tamers, Made in Abyss, The Promised Neverland, Alice Academy, Code Lyoko, The World Ends with You, Total Drama Island, Danganronpa)

16. Weird, Experimental or Slightly Disturbing Series (Serial Experiments Lain, Kuchuu Buranko, Invader Zim, Flapjack, Salad Fingers)

17. Shounen Anime (Yu Yu Hakusho, Mob Psycho 100, Dragon Ball Z)

18. Magical Girl Anime (Sailor Moon, Cardcaptor Sakura, Tokyo Mew Mew, Mermaid Melody, Puella Magi Madoka Magica, RWBY, Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt, My Little Pony, Princess Tutu, Powerpuff Girls, My Life As A Teenage Robot, Bee and Puppycat, Star vs. The Forces of Evil, Steven Universe // Will pick up She-Ra & The Owl House Eventually)

19. The Haunting of Hill House / Bly Manor (Don’t let the jump-scares deceive you. It’s a genuinely good character-driven horror series)

20. Sci-Fi Cartoons (Rick & Morty, Solar Opposites, Futurama, Bravest Warriors)

ROLE MODELS / BIASES / OSHIMENS / BEST GIRLS

1. Trey Parker & Matt Stone

2. Gain & Narsha (BROWN EYED GIRLS)

3. Hyuna (SOLOIST)

4. Sooyoung (SNSD)

5. Gyuri (KARA)

6. Hani (EXID)

7. Seulgi & Yeri (RED VELVET)

8. Sana (TWICE)

9. Yves & Olivia Hye (LOONA)

10. Shuhua (G-IDLE)

11. Yena (IZ*ONE)

12. Winter (AESPA)

13. SUZUKA (ATARASHII GAKKOU)

14. Shiroma Miru (NMB48)

15. Yabuki Nako (HKT48)

16. Takahashi Minami (ex-AKB48)

17. Kojima Haruna (ex-AKB48)

18. Shinoda Mariko (ex-AKB48)

19. Sayaka Akimoto (ex-AKB48)

20. Watanabe Mayu (ex-AKB48)

21. Shimazaki Haruka (ex-AKB48)

22. Matsui Jurina (ex-SKE48)

23. Sakura Miko (HOLOLIVE)

24. Natsuiro Matsuri (HOLOLIVE)

25. Oozora Subaru (HOLOLIVE)

26. Inugami Korone (HOLOLIVE)

27. Houshou Marine (HOLOLIVE)

28. Kiryu Coco (ex-HOLOLIVE)

29. Momosuzu Nene (HOLOLIVE)

30. Kureiji Ollie (HOLOLIVE)

31. Takanashi Kiara (HOLOLIVE)

32. VuloLives (INDEPENDENT VTUBER)

CONTACTS

• Instagram: @Hachichimitsu

• Twitter: @Hachichimitsu

• I take art commissions on Fiverr: https://www.fiverr.com/hachichimitsu

• I have a children’s e-book on Amazon. Make sure to download the Amazon Kindle app to be able to read it on your smart device: https://www.amazon.com/Behind-Artistic-Erika-Marie-Vargas-ebook/dp/B08789CW3V

[thewebcomicsreview]

It’s Homestuck’s birthday, which means another Homestuck 2 update.

Man, trying to have something exciting for Homestuck fans happen on 4/13 has been really slick marketing, because it gets everyone excited and you see an increase in fanart. I couldn’t tell you what, say, Penny Arcade or Gunnerkrigg Court’s anniversaries were, but every Homestuck fan knows the importance of 413 because it’s built into the story itself.

Anyway, here’s Janey, and here’s Jake wearing a shirt that you can either buy now or will be able to buy soon. Marketing.

JANE: Assassinations, open warfare, so-called "revolution," and where has everyone gone? JANE: They've ABANDONED me. They've taken our precious son. And now...

That’s not really true, Jane. Your friends haven’t abandoned you while people try to kill you! Your friends are also actively trying to kill you! 

It’s a decent joke, but how the hell are Steven King novels even a thing on this planet? Maybe Rose had some.

DIRK: I'm slurping this shit up like it's a piping hot bowl of udon. DIRK: Itadakimasu.

Homestuck 2′s Dirk is dramatically more of a filthy fucking weeb than Dirk was in the original Homestuck, and that’s a high fucking bar.

JANE: Two can play at the hostage game. That loathsome daughter of theirs should fit the bill nicely. JANE: Then those naughty rebels will cease this unruly tantrum, and do what they are told.

This is another instance of Homestuck 2 sanding down the whole “civil war” thing that I didn’t even think about until they called attention to it. Vrissy is not only a member of the rebellion, her adoptive parents are commanders who the God-Empress of Mankind personally hates, and she just kind of casually went to human high school with her only concern being the dead clown and apparently she is only now in any danger.

Oh, this is cool! A wide panel with two separate dialogs underneath! I had to admit I was kind of hoping for an anniversary [S], but I’m happy with a twist on the standard format. It looks nicer than the x2 updates from Homestuck 1, too.

VRISKA: 8ecause there's no way I'm saying Harry Anderson every time. That's like... 8 whole letters too long. VRISKA: From now on your name is just Harry. HARRY: o... k?

Hm. First Vriska Classic renames the new Vriska to Vrissy, and now Harry Anderson has been demoted to Harry. I sense a pattern, and suspect “Tavros Crocker” will not be called such much longer. 

Also, stealing people’s names like that seems very Thief of Light-y, but let’s not get into that just now, even if the last update hinted at a connection between Harry and Heart, which is all about identity. I’m doing this liveblog during my lunch break no time for classpect shit.

VRISKA: If I had to 8et, I'd say you're the thing that pup8ed after a 8ar8aric act of human sexual intercourse 8etween John and some Lalonde or other. HARRY: ok. HARRY: ew.

Hm. Vriska knows Harry’s last name is Egbert, but it’s interesting that she assumes his mom is a Lalonde and not one of the literal planet full of human women, but no one in Homestuck seems to care about the NPC humans so it’s a safe bet. Also I don’t like how hard we’re pushing the line that Harry came out of a person’s vagina and not some slime. I’m suspish.

VRISKA: There WERE no humans on Alternia, okay? There were no humans, and no human "musicals", in my entire UNIVERSE. HARRY: it sounds like a horrible place. ): VRISKA: Yeah, it 8lew so un8elieva8ly hard.

Heh.

But now he's not so sure. Ever since hearing that one of his dad's old friends had turned up, that border between past and present has felt fainter by the minute. And as they talk, he begins to think that Vriska seems so much... fresher. More real. An actual, authentic, bona fide god from another universe. Harry can’t imagine his dad even talking to someone like her, let alone punching her in the face.

One of those file-it-away-for-later moments, but Harry is able to sense that the canon Vriska is “more real” than his dad. 

HARRY: right now i'm in my mom's house with my girlfriend, her boyfriend, and another god damn version of my girlfriend, and all of us are probably now on the run from the fucking GOVERNMENT!!!!

Though he also seems to think Vriska Serket and Vrissy Maryam-Lalonde are alternate versions of each other, which is actually not true, both literally and personalityways.

Harry is not even able to mention the thing he was about to mention, because at this exact moment his phone starts ringing.

BECAUSE JELLICLES CAN AND JEEEEEEELLICLES DO JELLICLES DO AND JELLICLES CAN JELLICLES CAN AND JEEEEEELLICLES

HARRY: oh fuck.

I think Harry Egbert has the worst taste of anyone in his family and that’s a high fucking bar

VRISSY: It's Something about the W8y she Looks at him. VRISSY: The Rest of us too. VRISSY: Like we're not even Real. TAVROS: Yes,, this is good, VRISSY: Ever since she showed up, it's 8een o8vious that Nothing Here M8tters to her.

Another, much more obvious reference to the realness attribute of Candyland. 

VRISSY: I'm not worried a8out Harry Fucking 8nderson right now! VRISSY: Hell, I'm so Unconcerned that I think I'm going to start just calling him Harry from now on! It'll Save Everyone a lot of Valua8le Time! VRISSY: Listen Tavros, Vriska will get 8ored of Harry in a Heart8eat! VRISSY: That's the whole point!!!!!!!! VRISSY: She shouldn't 8e w8sting her Time on someone like Him! VRISSY: SHE SHOULD BE T8LKING T8 ME!!!!!!!!

That both Vriskas decide separately to demote Harry Anderson to Harry is a funny gag. Also, between this and the start of the conversation where Vrissy was obsessed with how she appeared on social media, someone needs to be the most important person in the room at all times, which is a trait both Vriska’s have in common with each other, and also in a way with Aranea, so there’s perhaps a classpect aspect to this but we don’t have time for that! 

JOHN: HELLO SON! JOHN: I AM JOHN: SO JOHN: VERY JOHN: PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!

There it is

JOHN: heh. two vriskas is NOTHING. JOHN: when i was your age i lost count of all the vriskas i had to keep track of. JOHN: it was probably some preposterous number.

I’m pretty sure John never encountered any alternative-timeline Vriskas in Homestuck.

Hey, it’s Rose and Kanaya!

Individually, they each represent immeasurable gains for the rebel faction. The rebellion's stratagems have never had a fiercer bite; their uniforms have never looked so fucking sharp.  But it is together, united, that their true strength is made apparent. Their bond, a union of love between troll and human, is not only a foundation for the rebel cause, but an integral symbol of its purpose.    

D’aw

ROSE: I don't understand what's going on any more than you do, and I'm sorry. ROSE: I'm sorry!

Rose panicking like this feels....weird?

I like the detail of Jade’s pawprint gloves. Also, she seems to have gained a headband as Rose lost hers. Only one hair accessory allowed in this comic, this ain’t no fucking Touhou.

JADE: THEYVE TAKEN YIFFY!!!!!!! D:

Oh thank Christ, no one knows what the fuck Jade is talking about. For a minute there I thought we were about to learn Jade and Dave had a daughter named Yiffy and I was about to walk into the sea. 

[dedicatedfollower467]

DIRK’S PESTERQUEST ROUTE REACTIONS AS THEY HAPPEN

spoilers etc. yada yada yada i’ve been waiting for this for fucking EVER.

this is fucking massive, for the record.

“The one and only” lmao suuuuuuure whatever you say dirk.

i fucking adore his metal scuba suit though holy SHIT

“[talking in meatspace] isn’t exactly my forte” akdfsljkadsfhksadf you bet your ASS it isn’t mr. strider. (at this point i’m assuming this is actually hal, wouldn’t be the first time that we met “dirk” and it turned out to be hal)

the power of his own “voice” is almost too much for him MY CHILD.

OH HELLO HAL. GOOD TO SEE YOU USING YOUR USUAL RED. LOVE THE THEME MUSIC CHANGE TOO. IT’S GOOD MUSIC.

i fucking KNEW it i fucking knew that was hal lmao

so in that case HI DIRK HELLO MY ASSHOLE BABY CHILD.

“The use of the speaker system is new, but it makes sense he’d up his game for interfering with relationships I’m busy forging in 3D. I guess I should go ahead and be proud of him for it.” god i really wish dirk and hal could get along but they both hate themselves and therefore each other way too much for that...

“Every line of muscle in his body is held in excruciating placidity. You’ve never seen a jaw so purposefully unclenched” dIRK!!!!

“you’ll prove it to him with your deeds. it seems like that might be his love language” BOY FUCKING HOWDY IS IT. also how did i never put that together before ofc dirk’s love language is acts of service practically everything he does is an attempt to serve his friends in some capacity and he’s SO BAD at telling them with words.

(his secondary love language is gifts, evidence: brobot and detective pony)

god i’m so excited and so nervous lmao

i love this sprite with the verrrrrry slight smile he looks so sweet.

hell yes the fucking ROCKET BOARD.

“this is a much more comfortable thing for him than the conversation was” I’LL FUCKING BET IT IS.

“with Dirk it’s almost like he’d be less penetrable without [his shades]” oh well now THAT’S an interesting thought/observation.

holy shit that’s a cute fucking smile holy shit holy shit look at that grin AHHHH I’M DYING MY BOY IS SMILING.

“Not sure how well my deep, personal beef with the imagery of the sea will land for you, but there it is.” WELL THAT CERTAINLY MAKES THAT ONE LINE FROM HOMESTUCK 2 A LOT MORE EMOTIONAL, WHICH IT ALREADY DEFINITELY FUCKING WAS.

“Ace Attorney monologue” OMFG HAS DIRK PLAYED AA??? WHO’S HIS FAVORITE CHARACTER? WHAT’S HIS FAVORITE GAME?? i mean he’s definitely got the hair to be a fucking ace attorney character especially in pesterquest lmao

OH MY FUCKING GOD IS HE HOLDING BACK A LAUGH. IS THAT WHAT THAT MOUTH IS. HOLY SHIT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I LOVE HIM. I LOVE THIS ALKJADSFLADHADS

“He’s leaning forward, laughing, dimples carved into his freckled cheeks. There’s a small twist in your heart about it, and you can’t place why.” A *SMALL* TWIST? A SMALL TWIST? TRY A TWIST THAT’S WRENCHING MY HEART WIDE FUCKING OPEN AND SPILLING ITS CONTENTS ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE.

“At least make me try and earn it first.” THAT’S THE MOST DIRK THING I’VE EVER HEARD AND ALSO FUCKING HEARTBREAKING WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

“I can just fold [my hand] and hope your shit works out instead.” Ah yes, dirk’s incessant and almost pathological need to be in control at work again.

“I want to be the only one in charge of endangering my own life. You got me.” oh dirk. oh honey.

“How much has this boy wanted to be known?” oh okay yeah that’s fine i didn’t need my heart anyway pesterquest, you can have it.

oh. hi ultimate dirk. i fucking knew this was gonna fucking happen.

“i can’t believe i was ever this pathetic” LEAVE HIM ALONE. (but also i know you can’t because you fucking hate yourself and it’s fucking tragic)

OH. OH OKAY WE’RE NOT JUST GONNA BE FUCKING NARRATIVE WE’RE GONNA BRING THE ACTUAL FUCKING DUDE HERE.

AND WE’RE GONNA PLAY AN OMINOUS-ASS VERSION OF "BEATDOWN” HOLY SHIT. CHRIST CAN WE GET ANY MORE HEAVY HANDED HERE????

also holy shitting christ ultimate dirk is swole. ‘twink ass bitch’ my ass, he’s at least a twunk.

“You fuck off and let people live their arcs.” NO FUCKING WAY, NOT IF HIS IS GOING TO END UP AS YOU, DICKHEAD.

“Oh fuck.

You remember it.

You remember Homestuck.”

well, probably not all of it, it’s pretty goddamn long, and very hard to remember all the details. i should know, i’m currently re-reading it.

oh no.

oh no, this looks like regular dirk but ominous “beatdown” is playing which makes me very fucking nervous.

“You cared about him before you knew every tiny fucked up detail about his life, and now, with a reminder of where his story leads leaning smugly against the railing, you find you still do.” YOU BET YOUR FUCKING ASS I DO!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!

“He’s intense and pushy and profoundly complicated, and right now he is helping you to your feet, his hand steady and firm on your back as you find your balance.” I’M CRYING.

“This isn’t as simple as an evil Dirk and a good one. If you’ve learned anything from your travels it’s that everyone has the capacity for hurt inside them, and everyone the capacity for love.” I’M STILL CRYING.

“The combo of all splinters of Dirk, fermenting in his flesh container and not holding onto his shit nearly as well as he likes to pretend” an apt and succinct description of ultimate dirk.

“No, I can see it. If anyone was going to pull off an “I’m you, but stronger,” it would be all of me, combined.” DIRK I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

“Your allegiance is not to the story, but to the people within it.” A-FUCKING-MEN MSPAR!!!

“The ends always justifies the means, Dirk.” I feel like that’s the breaking point there. IDK what’s going to happen next but that line sure was a line about philosophy, aka one of Dirk’s biggest special interests.

“[Ultimate Dirk] doesn’t have to work overtime to create more pain just so he can feel like he’s in control of how much punishment he gets and how badly he deserves it!”

oh.

oh wow.

oh WOW that’s hitting it on the fucking nose, MSPAR.

“He’s going to drown in [longing and loathing and Ultimate Dirk] if you don’t do something” STOP COMING BACK TO THAT GODDAMN LINE PESTERQUEST YOU’RE FUCKING KILLING ME HERE.

“You know how he loves -- though it’s fierce (to a definite fault), he does not do it easily.” STOP MURDERING MY HEART WITH PERFECT SNAPSHOTS OF DIRK AS A PERSON EVERY TWO SECONDS MSPAR I CAN’T HANDLE IT.

AHHHHHHHH IT’S DAVE!!! IT’S FUCKING. CANDY DAVE. I JUST. I CANNOT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. HOLY SHIT!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!

“you look like someone ironed the mayor so that’s a million more points in your favor” DAAAAAAVE!!!!

“Dave pulls him into a short, back-thumping bro hug which Dirk weathers like a wet cat not trusting a towel to dry him off.” AAAAAHHHHHHHH I’M FUCKING DYING I’M DYING I’M DYING HELP I’M DYING GOD HELP HOLY SHIT, FIRST OF ALL, THE SPRITE/ILLUSTRATION, SECOND OF ALL, THAT DESCRIPTION OF DIRK, THIRD OF ALL I’M FUCKING DYING

CANDY DAVE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

you deserve so much better than the raw hand the candy epilogue dealt you jfc.

“Bringing fucking guns to a knife fight here.” I mean, did you really expect MSPAR to play fair when the health and happiness of all their best friends is at stake, UD?

SAD ENDING IS SAD.

“Be good to that me, will you? Treat him right?”

dirk, this is yourself. you’ve never treated yourself right. ever. tbqh you probably never will. ultimate dirk is absolutely no different.

(but also this makes me wonder if we’re gonna see “Trust yourself” timeline Pesterquest Dirk showing up in Homestuck 2? That would be fucking wild I’d love to see that.)

“are we anti-ocean here”

“Oh yeah, extremely.”

YES, WE FUCKING ARE, AND AGAIN WITH THE REFERENCES TO HOMESTUCK 2 JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

oh, of fucking course ultimate dirk’s a sore loser, he’s ultimate dirk, fucking duh.

“You did it. You got him a good end.” i fucking love that this game is literally just. explicitly saying exactly what i was freaking over and desperately wanted.

like i’m just gonna take a moment here to admit that i was really nervous that dirk would end up like candy timeline dirk and just off himself. i was really afraid that a good end just straight up wasn’t possible.

i love that it’s not. and i equally love that the game acknowledges that a FUCKTON of us really wanted to give him that.

“Maybe [Doc Scratch] and Ultimate Dirk were working together the whole time.” maybe doc scratch has been ultimate dirk this whole time. or vice versa.

“There are just so many details to remember” lmao i made that point like a dozen paragraphs up.

i.... do not recognize the text style of whoever just say “hey. we can talk about this.”

IT’S HUSSIE. HOLY SHIT. IT’S DEFINITELY 100% HUSSIE.

i....... don’t know who that is? the woman?

is this like. the person who’s been running pesterquest?

it totally is.

i don’t know who that is i don’t know enough about the homestuck machine to know who that actually is.

lmao ultimate dirk and the irl director are fighting over how incredibly self-indulgent this metanarrative is, which is fucking amazing. i kind of love this? i really kind of adore this.

i can’t help but notice that the director has blank white eyes.

i.e. the Author is already dead, yo.

“They’re just an artifact of the medium” HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS FANTASTIC. I AM HAVING SO MUCH FUN HERE.

“I’d say thanks but I feel like you all got more out of it than me” I’M DYING I LOVE THIS HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY.

“Stop flirting with my audience you anime ass motherfucker” LMAOOOOOOOO

“I wouldn’t look like this if you didn’t want me to” I KNOW I’M JUST QUOTING BASICALLY THIS WHOLE THING BUT LISTEN I LOVE IT, I FUCKING LOVE IT, IT’S FUCKING PERFECT, GOD. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS IS SO GOOD.

“I actually let the artists have a lot of creative license” somebody’s horny for ultimate dirk.

eridan DESERVES that gender arc and i’m excited for him.

“Happy people don’t get stories told about them.” I’m sorry, I’ve read enough Domestic Fluff fanfic to tell you that’s just blatantly not true, Ultimate Dirk.

wait.

wait wait wait wait.

pesterquest is a RETCON???????????

THAT was not something i was expecting

you click “don’t” betray your friends and pesterquest just fucking closes like this is fucking undertale jesus fucking christ.

but....

i don’t wanna betray my friends.

but i wanna see what happens....

god dammit this is exactly like the murder run of undertale, i don’t wanna do it but i have to know.

“Andrew Hussie would never do this to me” yeah well, Andrew Hussie barely ever interacted with you soooooo...

and if i throw the beta in the sewer again pesterquest quits. again.

i mean, i knew it would but... *sigh*

that’s a fucking depressing ass ending.

... except that “Savior of the Waking World” still hasn’t been unlocked...

Huh.

I’m... gonna see what happens if I start John’s route over again.

oh duh, of course it’s a retcon, MSPAR touched the Homestuck juju. i forgot about that.

(a big part of me wants to look up the process of getting the true ending. but a bigger part of me wants to figure it out for myself.)

hmmm. okay so replaying john’s ending once didn’t do it.

i guess i coooooould try replaying the whole thing? that sounds. like a lot of effort.

or i could try not betraying my friends approximately five million times let’s see what happens if i do that.

i’m going to do that experimenting in another post cuz this is already huge. see ya in part two.

[alo-piss-trancy]

hello! do u have any omo hcs for any mha chars? if not, that's okay :) btw some of the stuff u posted from a while back was from homestuck, just wanted to point that out ig- have a good day!!

To answer your other thing first, yeah I know hom/estuck! :D I never got super into the fandom side of it or even finished reading it unfortunately bc it's just SO LONG (I got up to some point in the middle of Act 4 or 5 I think? That was years ago though). I know the 4 kids and the first batch of trolls around their age (K/arkat and all of them) but once it gets to the older ones from that other timeline or whatever I got lost and only really know about D/irk and Ja/ke haha. I've still tried to avoid spoilers about the stuff I didn't read and the ending and such since maybe one day I'll have nothing else to read and finish it lol. The most interaction I really do with it nowadays is reading the occasional omo fic or looking at art because the piss side of that fandom was chock-full of quality content (and in some places still MAKING IT ) that I'm still working my way through.

But you didn't ask about that you asked about SUPERHEROES! SO HERE WE GO! :D

I've posted a few for certain popular chars like De/ku, Baku/gou, and Tod/oroki before (which I will reblog right after answering this in case you'd like to see those), so I'll do a few of my favourites this time!

M/ina (aka pink bae) :

* Pretty big bladder, but not a high tolerance for pain after a certain point. As soon as she feels a nagging urge she usually just goes instead of waiting. She can technically hold a lot/for a long time if need be, but it really bothers her and psyches her out.

* Drinks WAY too much soda. Not that it really affects her bladder, it's just unhealthy lol

* Very whiny and vocal when she needs to go. At first jokingly/to vent her annoyance, then if she's desperate enough it's solely to distract herself because somehow talking about it is easier than struggling in silence. Groans really exaggeratedly to show how annoyed she is.

* Super bouncy, like hopping up and down on her toes or bouncing in her seat in class/on the bus. Tugs the hem of her shirt down to cover or places her hands to the front of her bladder and presses while doubled over/bouncing on toes. You know that kind of stuff.

* Doesn't really grab her actual crotch unless dying. She'll press her knees together/grind her thighs though, or rut against the edge of her chair

* She tends to sweat/get flushed when super desperate/straining, and if she's especially nervous she might lose control of her quirk enough for her feet to slip in a light bit of acid. Usually she can keep the quirk under wraps even while bursting though.

* If she wet in public/in front of important people, she'd be pretty embarrassed and would take a few days to get over it. But if it's in front of friends she doesn't mind as much. It's still an uncomfortable experience but she can usually find a way to turn it into a joke with everyone instead of them laughing at her expense. She has a good sense of humor about it and hey, at least she finally got to pee.

* Will pretty much pee anywhere. Boy's bathroom, outdoors, a bucket, whatever. The only time she'll hesitate or refuse is if it's super gross.

* Has gone in the pool once to see if the rumor was true. Only once though.

* Probably doesn't have an omo kin/k, but is open to experimenting either way.

Toko/yami (birb boi) :

* Tiny bladder (like smaller than De/ku's). Gets squirmy shortly after a single juice box or small soda. Cannot get through drinking a large-sized drink without multiple potty breaks. Mostly sticks to water except for rare treats because caffeine goes through him so fast.

* Very self-conscious and shy because of said tiny bladder. Doesn't like looking weak or seeming baby-ish compared to his peers and def doesn't want to have to ask multiple times on long trips or classes, so he tries his best to monitor his liquid intake and sneak away when everyone is busy. This usually works out okay since he's so good at hiding out in corners/being quiet, but it's becoming harder now that he has /gasp/ friends who want to keep tabs on him or include him in stuff. He would low-key rather die than tell anyone he has to go at all, let alone if he has to go really REALLY badly. Dorm sleepovers will be hell.

* He isn't really pee-shy as far as public bathrooms go, but if he has to take an emergency pee outside or smth he has a hard time going, esp if he has someone with him trying to stand guard. Some people probably like to joke that because he's part animal he can go outside whenever he wants. That is Not The Case and it isn't funny

* Da/rk Shadow, on the other hand, gives no fucks and will try his best to force birdy to say something or blurt it out himself. Mostly at very embarrassing and inconvenient times with crowds, or hollering at everyone to wake up and move out of the way during said sleepover in the middle of the night when To/koyami is trying to sneak past the maze of sleeping bags to get to the bathroom quietly. Da/rk Shadow would be lying if he said he didn't get a bit of amusement from making birdy boi so embarrassed, but at his core he also does it because he's concerned the poor guy's gonna hurt himself testing his limits so often, and he would be even more embarrassed if he wet himself so HE'S DOING HIM A FAVOUR REALLY.

* Mostly fidgets with his legs. Lots of jiggling and partial bouncing and shifting weight from foot-to-foot. Crossed whenever he's sitting. Squeezing and rubbing thighs together, the whole she-bang. If he's alone and it gets this bad you can count on a full-blown potty dance.

* If he really has to keep up a good impression and can't afford to let anyone know, he can stop the fidgeting, but pretty much only by standing stock-still and straight and not really moving. His whole body ends up shaking from the strain though so it isn't actually that much of a cover

* If he's literally about to pee himself/knows he has to hold it for a LONG time with no other options he'll cave and hold himself really tight, but he seriously has to be on the verge of a full blown accident before he'll dare do this. Even around close friends he'd usually rather just try his best to keep his legs together and put up with the few leaks praying they don't notice.

* He leaks a LOT of tiny trickling leaks. He never loses control in one big gush, it just keeps dribbling out and he stops it for like half a minute and then it starts again, rinse and repeat each time more agonizing than the last until he finally loses full control and the rests hisses out.

* He tries to be quiet when desperate but the worse it gets the more he starts to let out little whimpers and moans, which can then devolve into incoherent rambling. By the time he's about to lose it he's basically Izu/ku levels of chatter, albeit much much quieter.

*When he does finally let go completely (whether that's in the bathroom or in his pants lol) he definitely has those fullbody pee shivers. You know the lil shudder all the way up his spine, complete with the softest little moan and his eyes slipping shut? His head feathers floof up for a second when he does it and it's adorable.

* If he wets he's going to be completely mortified. He doesn't cry (openly at least, his eyes will be watery), but he isn't as good at maintaining a stoic facade as Tod/oroki could. He's shaky and his words come off broken, he can't quite calm his breath hitching. Depending on the witness, he might try to BS an excuse to leave immediately and pretend it didn't just happen, not confronting them for several days until he's tracked down. Or he might break down enough to be unsure how to leave/end up staying to be comforted.

* probably doesn't have a ki/nk for it himself but would hold/wet for a partner. I don't care how edgy he looks he's 100% a SUB

* Da/rk Shadow would enjoy being the dom and even have birdy hold for him maybe, using his shadow powers to poke and tease at his bladder

Ts/u (froggy) :

* BIG bladder. Is that friend who never seems to have to pee no matter how long you've been hanging out. She also has a decent pain tolerance and keeps control fairly well. It takes a lot to push her into a state where she's at risk of wetting.

* Always well-hydrated. Always. Mostly water, juice, or tea, she doesn't drink soda very often. Doesn't mind it though and the caffeine doesn't seem to affect her much, but the fizzing's weird.

* She doesn't really give outward signs of desperation. She doesn't bounce around or grab herself. The most she'll do is press her thighs together, or cross legs if she's sitting. Usually she just tries to stand still and focus on keeping control, and will be less talkative. Usually she's very observant of her peers and the situations around her, so her classmates can tell something's up when she gets like this and keeps missing details or not joining conversations.

* Still appears pretty calm, even when bursting. You'd have to know her very well to tell that she's nervous.

* Not shy at all about asking/leaving to go when needed, unless it's an extremely formal or serious situation. Even so, if genuinely close to wetting she'd excuse herself or find a way to take care of it.

* If desperate during an actual hero mission, she would intentionally wet herself as soon as the need started affecting her performance. Pride isn't worth making errors and putting others' lives at risk, and taking time to find a hiding place/get out of her costume wouldn't be an option.

* No problem going outside or in odd receptacles, even around friends. She's not going to go out in the open, but has no problem going while someone keeps watch or asking for a bottle during a long bus ride.

* Pretty chill about going in water, but still has standards. In the shower/further out in the ocean where it doesn't affect people? Perfectly fine. In the pool or a closed lake where people are hanging out? That just makes you a jerk. River? Depends on whether it's a super clean stream or already gross, and where it leads to.

* No omo ki/nk to speak of. Pretty confused about it, but perfectly chill with giving it a try if someone asks.

Kyo/ka (earphone girl) :

* Average bladder. High pain tolerance. Can hold for a while longer if necessary, but she'll struggle/wet eventually.

* Not shy at all about leaving/asking, barring special circumstances. Not a fan about going in weird places/outdoors, but will if she has to. She'll gripe about it though.

* Doesn't get nervous so much as frustrated when desperate. She's the type to bang on the door to snap at someone to hurry up, or yell at the bus driver to pull over before she soaks their seat. Her squirming is mainly just leg crossing or jiggling when seated, foot tapping when standing. Lots of sighing/growling and grumbling to take her mind off of it.

* If she's genuinely close to losing control though or in one of those special circumstances, she won't be nearly as frustrated. Instead she gets unusually shy and quiet, withdrawing to the corner and trying to stay unnoticed while she squirms and whines under her breath.

* Will only grab herself once she's on the verge of losing it. This is when she gets truly nervous and starts to panic.

* Wetting is embarrassing no matter what, but her reaction heavily depends on the circumstances. Close friends can comfort her after some sulking and then she can kind of chuckle about it. Regular peers get some threats not to talk about it, then she'll withdraw for a few days before she can get over it. Strangers she just tries to get out of there ASAP and wants to crawl under a rock

* Probably has a pretty big omo kin/k (mostly seeing others desperate, but sometimes indulges herself), but she's super embarrassed about it. You'd have to work real hard to get her to bring it up/ask you to participate. If she can though, oh boy is she gonna be into it. She gets a real thrill out of the dominant side of it, teasing people and watching them squirm (she's a very affectionate dom so expect some kisses and hugs while she casually straddles your bladder), breaking down their defenses until they lose control just for her. She does love being the sub on occasion though, it's nice to be the one flustered and nervous/having to be coddled for a change since she's usually so chill and tough.

Ko/da (animal whisperer) :

* Average bladder despite his large stature. Not overly weak, not overly strong. Mild pain tolerance. Can force himself to hold on for an exceptionally long time if necessary, but will be much weaker and prone to accidents afterwards.

* Pretty dang shy about asking/leaving, and is also legit bladdershy in public restrooms unless they're completely empty. Usually holds it during classes and then slips back to his dorm room's private restroom during lunch hour. Once he grows comfortable enough around certain friends he can use their dorm/house bathrooms, but that still takes some coaxing and a lot of visits to ease into it.

* He actually has less trouble going outside as long as there's plenty of cover and nobody's around (like a forest or smth). Animals don't judge the way people do. It's definitely not his first choice, but between say, a campground public bathroom and the woods, he'll take the woods.

* While most of his classmates/teachers in 1-A have gotten to know him enough to understand most of his miming communication, when he has to spend time with other classes/teachers or strangers in town, it can be a struggle. He's much more hesitant to 'speak up' about his need in the first place, and even once he does they don't really understand at first and it gets really embarrassing (short of doing an actual potty dance or starting to leak they might not figure it out in time). Sometimes he just writes it down instead/types it on his phone, which helps, but he's so used to charade communication that half the time he forgets that's an option.

* He tries not to be too obvious about his need when desperate, but isn't the best at hiding it. He gets really sweaty and can't quite wipe the nervous expression off his face, and his body posture is really tense and shaky. To be fair, he looks nervous a lot of the time, so most people might not pick up on the exact reason unless they know him well.

* When it gets REALLY bad he starts to squirm a little, pressing his knees together or rocking on his heels, shuffling in his seat, or the classic 'both hands gripping the edge of the chair with legs on either side, but you're not actually grabbing your crotch so it isn't obvious right?'. Any further and he'll do the actual crotch grab and a full potty dance, complete with tears budding in the corners of his eyes and little whining hums and whimpers.

* If he wets, he will be completely humiliated. Horribly ashamed, trying to clean up the mess but with no idea how, crying and on the verge of panic. That's all just alone. Have it happen in front of friends or in public and it's even worse, because now they're all gonna think he's a baby and not cool like them and he doesn't know whether to keep apologizing/crying or run away to hide forever.

* Luckily he's pretty easy to comfort once people try. He won't learn to laugh about it or anything but if people convince him they aren't mad or gonna make fun of him, he can meekly accept the offer to hang out or go back to join whatever group he left once he's cleaned up and had time to decompress.

* Doesn't really have an omo kin/k, but is a big sub with a humiliation kin/k so he could go along with it for his partner. He kinda likes the whole squirmy, blushy side of it and all the comfort and spoiling he gets afterwards uvu

Pi/xie Bob (blonde kitty teacher from the summer camp arc) :

* I actually don't have many for her since she was only in a few episodes, I just think she's really cute and cool

* Probably pretty good bladder capacity and strength to hold. High pain tolerance and endurance

* Would wet during a mission to avoid making mistakes bc she's a professional and isn't that embarrassed in the moment, but she thinks it's kinda gross and will shower ASAP afterwards. Also because her group is kind of idol-esque so there's a reputation on the line.

* Will go outdoors without much fuss if she needs to, but definitely prefers more civilized accommodations. You know she's got a nicer private bathroom than whatever general camp one the others have to use. Pros get privileges.

* Bounces/whines a lot when desperate and kind of paws at her crotch without really grabbing it. Lots of leg crossing and wriggling/hunching over. Only when by herself or with her close friends though. If she's in Pro-Hero mode trying to make good impressions or teaching camps, she can mask her needs remarkably well to focus on the task at hand. She forgets what she's saying periodically or has a shakier smile, but that's about it.

* FYI those giant cat paw gloves make getting a decent grip on her crotch imPAWsible

* Wetting is kind of embarrassing but she's also super relieved so it kind of balances out. Unless it happened live on tv or smth she'd probably be able to get over it pretty quickly. In front of any camper students she'd be embarrassed on the inside, but not let the flustering show. Instead she turns it into a teachable moment.

* Could have an omo kin/k or could not. We don't know a ton about her so I like flexible hcs.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 024: Todoroki VS a Giant Robot

Previously on BnHA: All Might told Deku to use the sports fest to become one of the popular kids. Deku was all “but I’m not sure if I want to be a popular kid.” All the other kids in U.A. came over to start some shit with class 1-A. Bakugou was all, YOU GUYS SUUUUUCK, and then this one guy with raccoon eyes literally declared war on them. The other 1-A kids were like AHHH BAKUGOU WHAT DID YOU DO but he was all I’M AIMING FOR THE TOP and fucking everyone was like WHOA and then they all trained and now it’s the day of the fest! Also Todoroki came up to Deku and was like let’s be rivals and Deku was like... ... ....YES.

Today on BnHA: Bakugou ad-libs the Athletes’ Oath. The sports festival kicks off with an obstacle course. Class A gets right into it. Todoroki fucks up some robots. Deku prepares to go fucking apeshit on this thing.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 44 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.) 

fucking go figure that the instant Japan’s population suddenly gets superpowers, they immediately do away with the Olympics and are all, “TIME FOR THE FUCKING HUNGER GAMES, BITCHES”

class 1-A is entering the arena first! well, they fucking earned it. and also they come first alphabetically. but they still fucking earned it

Deku is all OH SHIT THERE ARE PEOPLE HERE WATCHING

and Iida is like yes there are indeed a copious number of homo sapiens gathered here to observe our participation in this grand and glorious spectacle today

Kiri is like BAKUGOU HEY BAKUGOU LOOK AT ALL THE PEOPLE WHAT DO YOU THINK, BAKUGOU

Yamamoto. Yamamoto to Bakudou’s Gokudera. I love it and it’s a fine, fine thing

Bakugou you should be more grateful that you somehow have one friend now

so like seven other classes are coming out now, and then they all gather for the oath!

IT’S THE MADAME

“THE R-RATED HERO MIDNIGHT” OH MY GOD

WOW they sure can get away with a lot in Shounen Jump these days, huh

I mean, you go and do your own thing though, Midnight!

is her power r-rated. sob. I’m. actually really curious loll

WHOA WHAT

WHAT DOES THE STUDENT REPRESENTATIVE DO AND WHY IS IT HIM AND WHEN WAS THAT DECIDED

DEKU’S FACE LMAO

“must be because he placed first in the entrance exam” ah okay

what does the student representative do though

ahhh he’s climbing up to the stage

BAKUGOU’S GOING TO LEAD THEM IN THE OATH OMG

if it’s like the Olympic Oath then it’s going to be really earnest and idealistic and so weirdly out of character for him then

yeah boy you stand up there with your hands in your pockets and do this

...is this the oath

SOMEHOW I get the feeling it’s not lmao

THIS IS WHY YOU DO REHEARSALS FOR THESE THINGS U.A.

everyone is booing him and he’s like flexing up there on the stage and this fucking guy

and meanwhile Deku is standing there thinking deep thoughts about him

oh my god Deku you can’t keep doing this without warning

JUST WRITE A FUCKING FANFIC ABOUT HIM DEKU. GO ON AND WRITE YOUR KACCHAN META. YOU PROBABLY ALREADY HAVE ONE DON’T YOU. IT’S PROBABLY IN YOUR FUCKING NOTEBOOK RIGHT NOW

just. I can’t believe Deku is out here doing my fucking job for me jesus christ

but anyways. what the fuck kind of athlete’s oath was that lmao

and they’re all just shrugging their shoulders and getting on with it. well okay then

so @alessandriana tells me this arc will have some good Bakugou moments, and what with it starting off like that, I can’t wait to see where this is all gonna go

(ETA: THAT WAS A SURPRISINGLY DEVASTATING TWIST AT THE END)

also I’m interested as to what kind of superhero sponsors he’s going to attract (if any) with this kind of plucky FUCK YOU GUYS IMMA WIN THIS THING attitude

the qualifiers! let’s goooo

OOH AN OBSTACLE COURSE

whaaat the fuck lol. “a race between every member of all eleven classes.” like, all of them at once? because that basically IS the hunger games if that’s the case

can you even fit that many people on an obstacle course all at once

a four-kilometer lap around the stadium... exactly how big is this stadium

after a couple minutes’ research, I learned that MetLife Stadium in NJ has a circumference of 2 miles, so this is bigger than that. and MetLife is pretty damn big. no wonder Deku was intimidated by the size of the crowd

so basically the rules are “do what you want but stay on the course”

they could literally start murdering each other or some shit. well, like I said. hunger games

everyone’s lining up for the start and shit’s getting tense

Deku is crouching forward looking all serious and remembering what All Might said about announcing to the world, “I AM HERE”

is he gonna attempt to use One for All again? because he will fuck up his legs, unless he managed a miracle in training these last couple of weeks

“realistically speaking, I still can’t regulate it... to a reasonable extent” well that answers my question. except not really

“that’s why I have to overcome it” yeah, you just stand there and think vague things then, Deku. guess I’m not gonna get a straight answer out of you huh kid

light’s turning green!

here comes a fucking stampede

so exactly how many kids die in this event every year I wonder

where’s exit sign Iida when you need him

hmm Deku seems to be noticing something about the starting gate. probably that it’s the first obstacle

Todoroki is not fucking around lmao

best to just let him get on ahead. he’ll only fuck you all up

Bakugou and Iida should also be pretty fast here though

oho, Aizawa’s sitting next to Mic in the commentary box! and he’s still all bandaged up!! wow, he hasn’t healed yet after two whole weeks... this truly is a different kind of shounen

uh oh here comes the circus

”half and half” lmao

I see Aoyama is up to his usual glorious nonsense

Kirishima should not be fast enough to keep up with the rest of class A with his power but look at him go anyway

I BELIEVE IN YOU ALL, GODSPEED

also when will Homestuck and Birdman get to actually do something anyway??

and I am taking note of that “sizzle” fx coming from Homestuck, which is not helping me to narrow down her mysterious powers at all. I bet it’s clearer in the anime, but I’m kind of worried about spoiling myself now

(ETA: surprisingly it was not clear and I’m still not sure what the hell it is that she creates even after watching that whole arc. it looks like acid, maybe? but who fucking knows.)

OCHAKO SAYS SHE CAN’T BUST OUT HER SUPER-SECRET MOVES YET. SHE HAS SUPER-SECRET MOVES?!

OHO WHAT’S THIS

methinks someone may possibly have a mind control quirk! I was waiting for someone to have a mind control quirk!

Todoroki is impressed by the number of people who made it past his ice blast

were you just planning to freeze all 160 kids there Todoroki

Mineta is trying to do something. Mineta has forgotten that he’s cancelled

better

now what the heck was that thing

ehh? these are the robots from the entrance exam? how cheap and lazy, U.A. I want some Harry Potter obstacles. like dragons and sphinxes and shit

oohhhh but if we can’t have that then I guess I will reluctantly accept Todoroki vs a Giant Robot instead

actually that’s like three giant robots

actually that’s like... uhh... you know what, we’ll just say that it’s a lot

lol the kids from the other courses are like “the hero course kids fought THOSE?” yeah that’s right. show some damn respect

oh that’s right, Todoroki and Momo haven’t seen these before

[SLAMS HAND ON TABLE] RIGHT???! FUCKING RIGHT, MOMO!!!??!! YES, EXACTLY, SOMEONE OVER AT U.A. HAS EITHER A ROBOT-PRINTING QUIRK OR A MONEY-PRINTING QUIRK I SWEAR TO GOD

it would be so fucking funny if everyone got real quiet and turned and stared at Deku expectantly, waiting for him to do something. obviously it won’t happen but just the thought of it made me chuckle

but this time we’ve got good ol’ Frozone here, so

yeah they cheaped out on us Todo

hi hello, um, what

I immediately pictured dad being like an ice dude and mom being a fire gal. so basically like Daenerys and Jon Snow

(ETA: lol got it backwards, but basically)

Todoroki is now freezing the giant robot with ease

lol the other kids are hovering behind him just letting him take out all the obstacles for them

uh oh he doesn’t seem too keen on that

Todoroki did you just. crush a bunch of fifteen-year-olds

well that will certainly hold a number of them back. but probably not anyone from 1-A, or that mind control guy

Deku you were still that far behind?? get moving kiddo

all the robots are staring him down again

I wonder does it count as using his power against someone else if he uses it against a robot

I know it didn’t work the first time, but that was literally the first time, and it was before he knew the microwave trick

go punch some robots Deku

what kind of a face is this. no seriously. it’s like he has absolutely no idea what he’s gonna do, but he’s not gonna let that stop him. haha, well okay

BONUS:

HARVEY BIRDMAN

so you went for 4 syllables on both your first and last names, huh buddy. well then, I’ll go with “Fumikage” for now, since I’m gonna get “Tokoyami” mixed up with Todoroki I think

(ETA: in the end I was forced to memorize “Tokoyami” since that’s what everyone uses. let me tell you, it was exactly as difficult as I predicted. but I did it!)

“favorite things: dimly lit places” wow

(ETA: actually this now makes sense, kinda? except he said that while darkness makes his power stronger, it also makes it harder to control. which sounds scary to me but I guess he’s into it?)

“I personally think this guy is cool beyond cool” yeah I’ll say. dimly lit places. just sitting there in those dark corners eating apples while music from the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack plays

[mortimemedoodles]

Lotor Friendsim?

Hey yall, this isn't much I just took the mc of Homestuck-Friendsim and replaced them with Lotor bc I'm out here to have fun. without further ado, here.

You have just crash-landed on a planet called Alternia, and staggered from the smoldering wreckage of your ship. You don't recall how you found your way out of the quintessence field, but better here than there, you guess. You are now completely alone in a strange world. Desperate for information, for provisions, and possibly a bit of medical attention. But most of all, you are desperate for...

FRIENDSHIP? 

Won't someone on this godforsaken rock be your buddy?

....Actually, no. You really are looking more for medical attention and provisions more than anything else. A buddy would be a good provider of these things, but really any weirdo will do. You're not that picky. You know more than anything that making friends can have disastrous side effects if you are not careful. You decided not to dwell on the series of events that lead you to be here and put voltron out of your mind. After all, your ship is ruined and you don't think you will be going anywhere any time soon. Best to look for help. Hang on... What's this now? Is someone approaching...?

Yes, someone is approaching! A strange, grey-skinned alien, clad in blue. Perhaps they will make for a good friend? You smooth out your hair and try to look half presentable despite your blatantly horrible wounds and burns.

ARDATA: dear god. ARDATA: and just what are you supposed to be? Your stammering reply eventually conveys that you are a lost traveler to keep this interaction simple, you also let her know you are hungry and probably in some need of medical treatment. You're also quite disoriented from your sudden landing in a strange new world and wouldn't mind making a new friend right now. ARDATA: oh. oh my. mmmmhmhm. ARDATA: hmhmhmhmhmhm... ARDATA: hmhmmhmmwahahahahahahaha. ARDATA: oh how funny thiiis iiis. how very droll. you... ARDATA: YOU want to be MY friiiend? ARDATA: iiit's too much. thiiis, thiiis THIIING at my doorstep, wiiishiiing to know me iiin any capaciiity. the hiiilariiity somehow escapes my abiiiliiity to capture wiiith maniiiacal laughter. how rare. You apologize for your presumptuous request. You replace your helmet, turn around, and begin to walk aw-

ARDATA: and just what the fuck do you thiiink you are doiiing? ARDATA: who iiinviiited you to leave?

You stop in your tracks, and turn to face her again. Your possibly broken ribs are throbbing in pain. But this does not strike you as the right moment to exhibit weakness. ARDATA: iiit dawns on me that we may have gotten off on the wrong saunterpod. where are my manners? ghastly behaviiior on my part. ARDATA: after all, iiit iiisn't YOUR fault you seem to be some sort of hiiideous freak, iiis iiit? and such a tragiiic creature cannot be held responsiiible for such a devastatiiing shortfall of sociiial competence. ARDATA: iii would weep for you, really. except that cryiiing out of three eyes at once gets a biiit messy. so iiinstead, iii thiiink iii'll be saviiing my tears for someone less offensiiively worthless. You... aren't sure if she's inviting you inside? Or if she just got you to stay a little longer, so she could insult you some more. You cant say youre fond of it, but after all that you have been through with voltron you cant say you feel you are above being criticized for many things. You try to remain stoic, while your confrontational new friend decides what to do with you. You have objectively been through much worst. Still you cant help but wince. Not only over your broken ribs but the stabbing pain of being abandoned once again. You would think this would be something you were used to by now. You sniffle slightly despite yourself. ARDATA: oh. ARDATA: oh my, oh dear. you're... ARDATA: sad? hmhmhmhm. ARDATA: hmhmhmwahaha. so amusiing to me. miiildly endeariiing, even? ARDATA: perhaps. iii'll decide later iiif iiit's endeariiing, once iii have more iiinformatiiion. iiit's entiiirely possiiible iii wiiill retroactiiively deciiide iiit's diiisgustiiing. ARDATA: but for now, try to put yourself at ease. you completely piiitiiiful fool. not one more sniiiffle. ARDATA: do you understand? You nod, while practicing exemplary control over your nose. ARDATA: you have gotten yourself so agiiitated. iii wonder why. you have nothiiing to worry about from me. ARDATA: of course iii wiiill be your friiiend. condiiitiiionally, iii mean. there iiis a chance the desiiignatiiion wiiill be formaliiized, iiif you behave iiin ways that iii approve of, startiiing now. ARDATA: let's call iiit a friiiendshiiip iiin progress. agreed? Your heart swells. This is what you've been waiting for. A new friend... oh gosh. All you have to do now is try not to fuck anything up at all, possibly for many hours. This seemed very good until you thought about it like that and now you really just want to leave. ARDATA: come iiinto my hiiive. thiiis way, after me. you look liiike you could use nouriiishment. ARDATA: iii don't know what iiit iiis that whatever you are eats, generally. but iiit doesn't matter. you wiiill eat whatever iiit iiis iii have on hand, iiif iii tell you to. how does that sound? How DOES it sound? It sounds good. I'll do whatever you say. You tell her. You can tell by her very unpleasant disposition that she is the type you want to speak with respect to to get what you want. God, its almost like your father decided to come back in the form of a strange looking teenaged girl.

ARDATA: obviiiously iiit sounds good. you wiiill defiiiniiitely enjoy it.

ARDATA: you wiiill enjoy everythiiing iii proviiide you wiiith, and tell you to do. iii can't iiimagiiine any sort of negatiiiviiity or diiisagreement comiiing from one of my friiiends.

ARDATA: iii wiiill assume that we share thiiis phiiilosophy, when iiit comes to friiiendshiiip?

You say, oh yes, absolutely. You nod as enthusiastically as you can, without aggravating your broken ribs. You resist the urge to roll your eyes into the back of your skull.

You consider giving her a thumbs up as well, until you realize one of your arms is probably broken too. You'll try to make sure she doesn't notice though. It would probably leave a bad impression.

ARDATA: come wiiith me. there's somethiiing iii need your help wiiith.

You follow her into her hive. It's a bit gloomy in here. You suppose she's going to fix you something to eat soon, as promised.

You pass through her kitchen, and... out the other side, to another room? Ok, you guess dinner can wait. Better not to piss her off and get kicked outbefore she can help you.

ARDATA: thiiis way. try not to let any of your broken liiimbs slow you down.

ARDATA: a good friiiend wouldn't allow such triiifliiing physiiical aiiilments cause me any iiinconveniiience.

Ah. Shes seen your injuries and does not intend to do anything to fix them. At least this is what you gather from your observation of her personality so far. You want to be angry but at the very least she has decided not to do something that would force you to work with your broken limbs. You are absolutely not in the mood to fight for example. You hobble a little faster, through another door into a much darker room. And now, down a flight of stairs?

It's hard to see. There are torches along the wall ahead. A monstrous noise rumbles below.

ARDATA: don't miiind her. she's just hungry. she's always hungry though.

ARDATA: what's that? you're hungry too? iii have not forgotten. what sort of piiiece of shiiit friiiend do you take me for?

You didn't remind her that you're hungry. You thought it though. Can she... read your mind? You hope not. That's going to make this friendship slash food excursion in progress a bit awkward. Not to mention that most of your thoughts on her thus far have been particularly kind.

ARDATA: here we are. thiiis iiis where you wiiill be most useful to me as a friiiend.

You look around. With a sense of relief, you see no sign of whatever hungry thing was grumbling down here. You are less relieved to see several other kids trapped in cages of various shape and size. If anything you are rather disgusted but decide to quickly clear your mind of that repulsion.

One of them makes eye contact with you.

The boy is the same kind of alien as her. Horns and all. He has a dark red symbol on his shirt. His expression seems to plead with you.

He struggles to say, "Hel..... p". Your new friend looks unamused and twitches her finger. "Hel... plo!" he says.

"Helplo. By which I mean, hello of course. Looks like you're the new friend in progress chosen by the great and beautiful Ardata."

"She's my savior, my reason for being. I am nothing without her. I'd hollow myself out and let her make a nest inside of me, if she'd permit it!"

You turn away from this boy. You don't want to hear anything he has to say, ever again.

ARDATA: hmhmhmmmm. don't miiind hiiim. he's always regarded hiiimself as a comediiian.

ARDATA: come. over here. thiiis iiis what iii need your help wiiith, iiif you're goiiing to have any value to me as a friiiend.

You're led to a dank corner of this, well, you're going to call it like you see it. This dungeon. Your new 'friend' has a dungeon full of sad, suffering children, and presumably a monster lurking somewhere in here as well. It's not ideal.

Then again, beggars like you can't be choosers. Not yet at least.

ARDATA: iii've been haviiing an awful tiiime wiiith iiit.

ARDATA: you can do iiit for me. iiit wiiill save me tiiime.

You look at the thing in question. You doubt she's been having an "awful time" with it. You doubt this because it's still in its box, looking completely untouched since it was brought down here.

It's a box containing a... table? A table that looks ominously like it was designed to keep a person strapped to its surface. You somehow find yourself missing the quintessence field looking at it.

ARDATA: iii wiiill need you to assemble iiit.

ARDATA: here's a screwdriiiver, iiin case you need iiit. iii wiiill assume other requiiired tools are contaiiined wiiithiiin the box.

You take the screwdriver with your non-broken arm. This isn't exactly what you had in mind, but you cant say its unexpected in hindsight.

You don't know what you had in mind, really. A warm meal, and friendly banter? Perhaps a sling for your arm, and a remedial balm for your ribs. Still, you open the box without protest.

ARDATA: hold on. before you start, thiiis wiiill make for excellent content.

ARDATA: my fans wiiill appreciiiate thiiis.

She sets up a video recording device on a tripod, and points it at you. A video feed comes to life on several monitors just behind you. You see in one corner of a screen, an unflattering angle of your torso hunched over the furniture box.

Other rectangles contain shots of the other kids in cages around the room. You suppose cameras are pointing at them, too. You had no idea this so called friendship came with the perk of instant stardom. Fucking fantastic.

ARDATA: now you may begiiin.

She's suddenly sitting in a comfortable looking chair facing you, and holding a chalice, swishing around some viscous liquid it contains.

You have all the parts spread out on the floor, organized according to their labels in the instructions.

You remember the last time you assembled something like this. You don't recall enjoying it. To be perfectly honest... this doesn't look like it will be fun at all. She frowns conspicuously.

ARDATA: oh. how sad for you.

ARDATA: iii'm sorry. iiis thiiis actiiiviiity not to your liiikiiing?

You reassure her vigorously that, no, it actually looks amazing. You love shit like this. It's what you were born for, you say, as you swoosh the screwdriver around, demonstrating your plainly evident skill with the tool.

Forget the thing you just thought. Completely arbitrary and WRONG thoughts pop into your head all the time. It meant nothing, you swear.

ARDATA: mmmhmhmhm.

ARDATA: yes. iii hear that a lot.

ARDATA: contiiinue.

You open the little bag full of screws. goodness, there are about, fifty screws to this thing. Where could most of these screws POSSIBLY even go? Judging from the picture, the table really doesn't seem that complicated.

You look at your screwdriver, then study the screws. Every single one requires some sort of wrench. Does this even come with a wrench? The instructions seem to suggest it does.

You look around, but don't see one. Did you open the bag too forcefully? Did the wrench go bouncing off into a dark dungeon crevice nearby? Maybe you lost some of the screws too... damn it.

You hold back a sigh and look around curiously. You check underneath one of the parts. No, it's not under there. You grip the screwdriver a little tighter to fight back frustration.

You wonder what to do next.

> Get the hell out of there.

First, you clear your head and try to think innocent thoughts.

Altea. your lovely little cat Kova. Your trip to Oriande. Ardata's long black hair spilling over her cloak. Her tripping down the stairs and breaking a horn. Her...wait. These are NOT innocent thoughts. If anything theyre more likely to make her want to berate you again for imagining such foolish things. Shut it down. SHUT IT DOWN.

There's no time for thinking. You have to act. You hurl the screwdriver at her and run.

She calmly lifts a hand towards one of the kids in the cages. The kid tenses up and lifts a hand in the direction of the screwdriver. The screwdriver freezes mid-air, right in front of Ardata's head.

You run up the stairs. She twitches a finger, the caged kid does a full body spasm, and the screwdriver goes sailing toward you. It stabs deep into your leg, and you buckle over, tumbling backwards down the stairs.

You're a crumpled heap at the bottom of the stairs, bleeding, and you think your arm is broken in two places now.

ARDATA: that diiidn't seem very friiiendly to me.

ARDATA: luckiiily for you, iii'm very determiiined to make relatiiionshiiips work.

ARDATA: even ones wiiith people who flee siiimple furniiiture assembly projects.

She stands over you. You attempt to pull the screwdriver out of your leg, but your entire body locks up. You can't move. She holds an outstretched hand just above you.

ARDATA: you shouldn't try to move yet.

ARDATA: and you certaiiinly shouldn't try to pull out that screwdriiiver. you'll get blood everywhere.

ARDATA: to my three liiittle eyes, under the present condiiitiiions, iiit seems to me that only one of us should attempt walkiiing up these staiiirs.

You feel somewhat relieved. Perhaps she has some... alien means of levitating you up the stairs? Wait... no. That doesnt sound like something she would do.

Your body is tensing up again. It's moving without your permission. You get to your feet, without taking the screwdriver out. Wow that hurts. What is she making you... wait. What? She can't be. There are many things she could be doing to you right now in your mind, but surely she doesnt intend to..?

You use both of your arms, and all your strength, and pick her up entirely. The pain from your arm is excruciating. Arms with broken bones are not meant for heavy lifting. The additional weight on your wounded leg isn't great either. Wonderful.

You hold her as a groom would hold a bride. She wraps her arms around your neck, to hang on to you in what strikes you as an overly familiar manner. She looks directly into your eyes, and grins.

ARDATA: thiii2 iii2 better.

ARDATA: now. onward and upward, new friiiend.

ARDATA: mmmwahahahaha.

Your legs begin to operate without your consent. They wobble and struggle under the weight, the wound throbs. You lumber back up the long flight of stairs, carrying her all the way.

You take her back to the kitchen and set her down in a chair seated at a table.

ARDATA: you diiidn't thiiink iii'd forget about diiinner tiiime, diiid you?

ARDATA: let's put your unfriiiendly behaviiior behiiind us. iiit's a good thiiing for you that iii'm benevolent enough to overlook diiisgustiiing acts of betrayal.

ARDATA: you may have notiiiced iii keep several friiiends iiin my hiiive who iii have siiimiiilarly forgiiiven.

ARDATA: consiiider the transgressiiion blood beneath the abattoiiir.

You exhale. Now that she mentions it, yes, you are hungry. Somehow you feel this is not going to end well for you, but you also know that thinking negativly is not going to make things better either.

Maybe a warm meal, if you even get it, will lift your spirits and get this heretofore turbulent friendship back on track. Maybe you'll even get the chance to pull this screwdriver out of your leg.

You pull out a chair and attempt to sit down. But your legs lock up, and then you stand again. Apparently this was not the right thing to do. As you expected, but you tried to have hope.

ARDATA: oh. but why are you siiittiiing?

ARDATA: there's cookiiing to be done.

Of course this is happening. You stagger mechanically over to the fridge, and open it. You pull out a large hock of some sort of alien mystery meat, and put it on the counter.

With your broken arm, you reach in anguish for a big dangling meat cleaver. You chop the hock, wincing with each swing of the cleaver.

You didn't know that's the way she likes it, but you surmise this is what she prefers in a piece of meat, since technically she is the one doing the cooking.

You put it on the table in front of her, along with a fork and knife beside it. Your muscles relax, as you apparently are allowed to control your own body again. She does nothing, except look at you with a pleased expression.

You eye the meat in front of her. Then the meat on the counter. And the chair on the other side of the table.

What should you do? Prepare a plate for yourself? Is that what she wants you to do? You hope it is but you know its not.

ARDATA: well?

ARDATA: iiit looks liiike you're confused.

ARDATA: iiisn't iiit obviiious what to do next, under your own voliiitiiion?

ARDATA: a good friiiend would know what to do. iiin fact, iii don't thiiink a good friiiend would take nearly as long to deciiide what the riiight thiiing to do next iiis.

ARDATA: iiit actually seems to me that a very rude friiiend would hesiiitate for as long as you are hesiiitatiiing.

ARDATA: or perhaps. someone who iiis not a friiiend at all?

You hold back on sighing again. You clearly don't have much time to make up your mind. If you wait for even a few seconds longer, you will probably be guilty of being a bad friend. Maybe even a dreadful one.

you are already neck deep in this and going through this hell for nothing seems pointless to you now.

What will you do?

> Feed her.

This feels like the only obvious thing to do. She is looking up at you quite expectantly. You reach for the fork with your good arm. You go for the knife with your other... ow.

You can't do it. The arm is much less serviceable when the muscles are not being forced via psychic override to disregard the pain response.

Nevertheless, she looks at you patiently and smiles. That's nice for you, you think, for her not to be mad about it. You feel like you're pleasing your new friend more and more by the minute.

You put the fork down, and pick up the knife with your good arm. You cut the meat into several pieces with a careful sawing motion.

You put the knife down and pick up the fork, and stab a piece. You put it close to her mouth. She seems pleased.

ARDATA: very good. niiice techniiique.

ARDATA: well siiized morsels, too.

She chews the meat with excellent form. She has very good table manners, you think. When she finishes the pieces, you slice off some more, and continue.

The meat looks very good. Your mouth is watering, but she doesn't offer any. Oh well, when it's the right time for you to eat too, you're sure she will let you know.

The meal is finished. There is no more meat, except for a few pieces of unchewable gristle, which you did not try to feed her. That would be thoughtless, very bad service.

She reclines, and steeples her fingers, looking quite pleased with how her evening has gone so far.

ARDATA: mhmhmhmhmhm.

You aren't sure why she's laughing. Does she have more cruelty up her sleeve shes ready to dish out?

ARDATA: mwahahahaha.

ARDATA: oh my. hahahaha.

ARDATA: what a fool.

You point at yourself, wondering if she's referring to you. You don't know what you've done that was foolish, if so. You're also still not sure what she finds so amusing.

ARDATA: hahahahaha.

ARDATA: hahahaha.

ARDATA: mmha. haha.

ARDATA: ha.

ARDATA: ...

She pauses her laughter for a minute or two. Then slowly begins to frown. A faint blue tear rolls down her cheek, from her bottom eye.

ARDATA: the truth iiis. iii don't even know why iii'm laughiiing.

ARDATA: thiiis iiisn't very funny, what's happeniiing here.

ARDATA: iiit was a good diiinner. you diiid a good job. whoever you are.

She puts her face in both of her hands, and sobs quietly. You have no idea what to do about this. You stand there, still holding the fork, feeling a bit useless. Shes tortured you horribly but you can see shes still just a teenager. You feel a little bad watching this.

ARDATA: there iiis a lot of pressure, you know.

ARDATA: beiiing so respected and admiiired for your hiiigh status iiin thiiis world.

ARDATA: iii diiidn't ask for thiiis. to be so superiiior to so many.

ARDATA: much iiis expected of you. much iiis presumed about what your personaliiity wiiill be, before you even develop one.

ARDATA: you work hard. and buiiild a brand. based only on what you thiiink people assume you should be liiike.

ARDATA: sometiiimes iii wonder. am iii even that GOOD at beiiing siiiniiister?

ARDATA: could iii be MORE siiiniiister, iiif iii triiied harder?

ARDATA: maybe thiiis iiis not my true calliiing after all.

You begin to offer words of sympathy. This all seems heartbreaking to you. this child needs some sort of support you think. But your jaw muscles contract, and your mouth shuts involuntarily.

You guess it's not your turn to speak yet? Fine, that works for you. You dont really know what to say anyways.

ARDATA: but what would happen iiif iii changed my brand? iiif iii stopped beiiing so siiiniiister onliiine?

ARDATA: my friiiends and followers wiiill deriiide and reject me.

ARDATA: and my superiiiors wiiill eat me aliiive.

ARDATA: iiif iii show weakness. iiif iii scale back on my bloodthiiirsty content.

ARDATA: wiiill iii iiincur the scorn of a wiiise ass clown wiiith a hundred miiilliiion subscriiibers?

ARDATA: wiiill iii be iiin a cage some day. liiisteniiing to a fuckiiing fool honk hiiis horn for liiikes?

ARDATA: no. iii must persiiist.

ARDATA: how lonely iiit iiis to know thiiis iiis all iii can do, untiiil the day iii leave thiiis planet.

ARDATA: iii have no materiiial or sensory comforts left for me here.

ARDATA: untiiil iii can get on a shiiip and fly away. paiiin iiis my only solace.

Your hand holding the fork grips it tighter. You're horrified to realize what it is in the process of doing.

You bring it down hard on her hand which is placed flat on the table. She doesn't flinch, or react in any way. Three trails of cerulean blood flow from the tines where they pierce her skin.

That wasn't very friendly, you think. You expected her anger from that. But then, you weren't the one who did it, were you? You're so confused.

ARDATA: my subscriiibers are not real friiiends.

ARDATA: they adore me only for my siiiniiister content. the show iii proviiide. my wiiicked, iiinfectiiious laughter.

ARDATA: iii get jealous of them someiiimes, because they get to watch my content. iiit must be thriiilliiing, iii thiiink. but maybe...

ARDATA: iii'm just jealous of them because they get to be people who aren't me?

ARDATA: thiiis iiis fucking deep. iii know. apologiiies iiif you cannot relate.

She pulls the fork out of her hand, and lays it gently on the plate of gristle you didn't feed her.

ARDATA: the people downstaiiirs iiin theiiir cages aren't my friiiends eiiither.

ARDATA: they act liiike they're my friiiends though. and sometiiimes, iii even beliiieve iiit.

ARDATA: but they don't really want to be friiiends wiiith me.

ARDATA: nobody does.

ARDATA: the only person who has ever really wanted to be my friiiend. who's ever TRIIIED to be...

ARDATA: iiis you?

You clear your throat, and point to yourself innocently.

ARDATA: that's iiit. iii've deciiided.

ARDATA: you have passed the test.

ARDATA: you wiiill become my friiiend. offiiiciiially.

ARDATA: as such, iii thiiink a reward iiis iiin order.

You are overjoyed. Your heart starts racing. You can't believe it. A new REAL FRIEND. You hope this means the hell shes put you through is over. But you don't have much time to enjoy this achievement. Your body is doing something again.

You bend down in a strained motion and pick up the plate and fork. You position the plate over your wide open mouth, and scrape in all the remaining gristle, and begin chewing.

It's virtually inedible. Your mouth humors the act of chewing for two seconds, and then you swallow all of it whole, in one painful gulp.

Tastes like friendship.

[verdigrisprowl]

Sept 24 Dancitron Movie Night - Assassin’s Creed

Prowl wasn’t here because this movie was chock full of so much back-of-the-neck mind-invading.

Today opatoes 7:58 pm /Smokescreen's coming in, much shorter than he was last week but here, at least!/ Kelpy 7:59 pm Fire. opatoes 7:59 pm Soundwave, I need to find you the terrible lifehack videos! NoodlesAtNight 7:59 pm *Soundwave stares at Smokescreen with his arms half full of bowls for the bar.* [[No. No, you don't. ... What in Pit happened to you.]] [[Greetings, Swerve.]] Kelpy 8:00 pm Hey Soundwave. opatoes 8:00 pm ... Every time a greyface hugs me, I shrink by an inch. /He is about 5 feet at the moment./ SCProwl 8:00 pm ((o h my gd whyyyyyyy SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:00 pm *the dragon wanders in, fluffy and bearing treats as always! she got fancy this time, with delicate syrups and intricate carvings, but they're still the tasty dragon treats everyone knows and loves* Hello, Soundwave, Ravage, everyone! Darkscream 8:01 pm [skreeee Chaoit 8:01 pm ((HI! Today Darkscream 8:01 pm [rabbit don't you DARE go to hell on me I swear to Primus NoodlesAtNight 8:01 pm [[Good evening, dragon. And smack them if they insist on hugging you.]] opatoes 8:01 pm /Smokescreen is practically running after the treats!/ MedicalMurdersaurus 8:02 pm *stops outside to roll around in the dust and what not* Kelpy 8:02 pm I had a thought and then I forgot it. opatoes 8:02 pm I would if I could, Soundwave. On the bright side, every time I hug a Cybertronian, I grow an inch, so I guess I need to get really close with someone soon! Darkscream 8:02 pm [*intense squinting at rabbit for the glitching* NoodlesAtNight 8:02 pm [[Don't you dare.]] ((if it's being awful refresh)) opatoes 8:03 pm Don't I dare? MedicalMurdersaurus 8:03 pm *huffs, this is not up to his standards* *promptly stops caring and sprints inside to find Bird* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:04 pm *the dragon puffs up, interposing all tiny feet of herself between Soundwave and Smokescreen* You don't dare! *grr. such fierce. much protect. very power. wow.* NoodlesAtNight 8:04 pm *What an amazing and wonderful dragon. He must find her more butter.* [[Thank you for saving him.]] opatoes 8:04 pm Wait, THAT'S what you're worried about? I'm not gonna hug a bot that doesn't want to be hugged. Darkscream 8:04 pm [Okay it seems to be better now] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:05 pm Bird! NoodlesAtNight 8:05 pm [[Oh. Good. In that case, enjoy the bar treats.]] *Waves a hand in that direction and sits.* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:05 pm Bird? NoodlesAtNight 8:05 pm {{What?}} MedicalMurdersaurus 8:05 pm Hi Bird : > NoodlesAtNight 8:05 pm {{Hello.}} Chaoit 8:05 pm -trots in, yawning a bit- SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:05 pm Good! *the dragon preens herself proudly, before going back to her treat cart and continuing to place them where they belong.* NoodlesAtNight 8:05 pm *Does this Blaster EVER get sleep? Soundwave must wonder.* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:06 pm Me Swoop miss You! : > opatoes 8:06 pm Thank you, Soundwave. You don't know how hungry I am right now! /He's practically throwing himself at the bar, ready to help himself!/ Chaoit 8:06 pm -nightmares, Soundwave. They tend to cut sleep short- Kelpy 8:07 pm This video name is very misleading. These are crafts, not life hacks. Why did they lie. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:07 pm ((literally why would you want that)) ((rope covered lightbulbs seem like an invitation to have someone accidentally smash one and cut themselves up)) opatoes 8:07 pm ((HONESTLY some lifehacks are just... not lifehacks at all opatoes 8:08 pm ... Wait, you can do that? OH Chaoit 8:08 pm ((what the fuck no, don't do that opatoes 8:08 pm Oh, I thought they were replacing the glass or something I want a weird bottle shaped light SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:08 pm ((I'm torn between agreeing or a sarcastic comment on about how not everyone is a pterodactyl with big pterodactyl wings)) opatoes 8:08 pm Idea #1: Static fingers Darkscream 8:10 pm Peers in through the doorway - are they even inside - before coming in. Dipping her wings down to keep them out of the way before coming inside. Huh. There are quite a few more mechs here than she thought. Welp. This is going to be an interesting night! chronosmith 8:12 pm ((omg i love thse crappy 5 minute craft videos)) opatoes 8:12 pm ((i know right chronosmith 8:13 pm *this is the last week of the four weeks his offering of exotic space caviar has awarded him free drinks, Whirl is already up at that bar* opatoes 8:13 pm What kinda statement would it be to just, like, spray yourself in mirror spray? NoodlesAtNight 8:13 pm ((making a food brb opatoes 8:14 pm why pumpkins MedicalMurdersaurus 8:15 pm *rocks back and forth on his heels* Me Swoop want hang out more with You BIrd! Me 8:15 pm ((look at all this shit i am So Ready for the halloween aesthetic holy shit. it's time.)) Kelpy 8:16 pm //lmao opatoes 8:16 pm ((MOOD i should pull out my spider cup Darkscream 8:16 pm [do eit chronosmith 8:16 pm SAME)) Darkscream 8:16 pm [I'd have it out all year opatoes 8:16 pm ((i already have my anatomically incorrect dinosaur and spider skeletons out on display SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:16 pm ((TIME TO GET SPOOKY)) opatoes 8:16 pm ((i do! i'm just not using it rn SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:17 pm ((did that man just hot-glue his hands)) opatoes 8:17 pm ((yes SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:17 pm ((fear)) opatoes 8:17 pm ((yeahhh 😔 Kelpy 8:17 pm Those are some weirdly exaggerated scare responses. Do all humans do that MedicalMurdersaurus 8:17 pm *wiggles in his best "pay attention to me" dance, similar to a pee pee dance but a pinch less urgent* opatoes 8:17 pm I think so! ... Ohhh, they're supposed to be worms chronosmith 8:17 pm *peers at the screen dubiously as he continues to mix. The fumes from this Gaugebuster might be deadly. He's going all out* opatoes 8:18 pm I just thought they liked making everything difficult chronosmith 8:18 pm ((IT'S ME)) Darkscream 8:18 pm I've never seen any human do any of this before for Halloween... *Frowns at this nonsense that is going on.* opatoes 8:18 pm w why would you opatoes 8:19 pm ((video is just like "just put hot glue your friend's phone.")) Chaoit 8:19 pm -watching this in confusion- MedicalMurdersaurus 8:19 pm ((If you're going to be a big enough asshole to hot glue shit to the front of my phone, you better have the balls to actually slam a nail through there because I'm coming for you either way.)) Me 8:19 pm ((the most terrifying halloween costume: broken phone.)) Darkscream 8:19 pm [DON'T DO ANY OF THIS SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:19 pm ((you're so valid swoop)) chronosmith 8:19 pm Oh yeah, it's getting to be about that time, isn't it? Hmm. Gotta figure out a way to make my costume work. opatoes 8:19 pm ((... that one brought back memories with the chapstick Me 8:19 pm ((these aren't even halloween, they're just pranks now?)) Kelpy 8:19 pm //gfbfhg tbh Kelpy 8:19 pm //mean ones chronosmith 8:20 pm ((HALLOWEEEEEN pranks. ...buy not really)) opatoes 8:20 pm ... is this how to make homestuck horns)) Me 8:20 pm (("diy cheap-ass homestuck cosplay.")) opatoes 8:20 pm ((EY Kelpy 8:20 pm //p sure that was meant to be maleficient lmao Me 8:20 pm ((well they CLEARLY used the wrong colors)) opatoes 8:20 pm ((its gothstuck MedicalMurdersaurus 8:20 pm *escalates from his "look at me" dance to full on jumping up and down* Me 8:21 pm ((that one's actually pretty tho)) Kelpy 8:21 pm //lmao i just recognized the shape tbh NoodlesAtNight 8:21 pm ((okay bek)) opatoes 8:21 pm ((i knew once they put it on it was maleficent but the whole time i was thinking "homestuck?" 'cause i had to do that for some emergency troll horns once ;; Me 8:21 pm ((omg nice)) opatoes 8:22 pm ((that sentence already says a lot about me i realize but ascxvb the vriska horns i made before broke on me Darkscream 8:22 pm *More wondering why Swoop is jumping around. Staring at him then the video of nonsense.* Me 8:22 pm ((i used that super soft self-drying crayola clay)) opatoes 8:22 pm ((oooo! NoodlesAtNight 8:22 pm *Laserbeak decides to stop waiting to see how long Swoop will escalate the dances before it gets out of hand and waves.* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:22 pm *stops jumping and waves with his whole arm* Me 8:22 pm ((so THAT'S how you make a yarn wig SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:23 pm *now that her due diligence is done, Whirl is getting the fanciest epaulette* Hello! NoodlesAtNight 8:23 pm *Soundwave suddenly stops being off in his own head and looks around to see who all is there. They all get nods and pings as usual, with Rumble fighting with Frenzy to push and shove his way downstairs so he can hole up with Whirl on the couch and watch movies* opatoes 8:23 pm ((i feel like you could do the thing people do with yarn tails to make it more hair-like? why are there so many pumpkin hacks SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:23 pm ((TINY PUMPKINS)) NoodlesAtNight 8:23 pm ((starting in 7 get whatever you need)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:23 pm (🍕) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:23 pm Bird! Bird! Me Swoop miss You Bird a loooooottt! SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:23 pm ((huh. that's an emoji.)) Chaoit 8:23 pm Um.... chronosmith 8:23 pm *bobs his head at his epaulette; the noxious concoction is Complete* Sup? Chaoit 8:23 pm What was all that? chronosmith 8:24 pm just gonna drink straight baileys out the damn bottle)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:24 pm ((WHAT)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:24 pm Me! I am up! *the dragon tries not to look too proud of her joke* But, I also have been having a good week. How about you? chronosmith 8:24 pm not that I don't drink liquor out the bottle BUT NOT BAILEY'S, NOT A LIQEUR)) Kelpy 8:24 pm //dfgbrdtfgbgv hacks to break the law i guess Me 8:24 pm ((... why don't you just....... pour it in a thermos)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:24 pm ((literally there are ten thousand other ways to drink in public)) Darkscream 8:24 pm Humans have gotten very weird... Me 8:24 pm ((that is the WORST way to try to drink in public)) Kelpy 8:24 pm //not to mention it looks SO SUSPICIOUS Chaoit 8:24 pm Humans ARE weird MedicalMurdersaurus 8:24 pm ((I will get one of those wine bras before attempting a boozerrito)) Kelpy 8:24 pm //just shove your mouth into a sandwich opatoes 8:24 pm ((... i met someone who drank it from a ketchup bottle last tfn NoodlesAtNight 8:25 pm {{Maybe you not miss Bird if you get scope sight, heh heh.}} Me 8:25 pm ((omg)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:25 pm ((they're still drinking straight baileys)) Kelpy 8:25 pm These are insanely complex and ridiculous and completely pointless opatoes 8:25 pm ((specifically: they offered me a swig and i chugged it expecting ketchup)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:25 pm Pff! You funny Bird. Me Swoop GOOD shot! Kehehh. You Bird not here. Or Swoop not. Or BOTH. : < SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:26 pm ((smokeymun you are exactly a disaster)) Me 8:26 pm ((... the fact that you chugged it BEFORE knowing makes it even better)) NoodlesAtNight 8:26 pm *The fighting continues all the way right up to just in front of Whirl's couch, at which point the twins look at each other for a long, silent moment, nod, and then peacefully separate to steal different portions of said couch* chronosmith 8:26 pm omfg)) opatoes 8:26 pm ((asdzxvbmncx id do it again chronosmith 8:26 pm i would rather chug homemade moonshine that ketchup, which I hate)) and incidentally I have had homemmade moonshine, which was brought to me ina water bottle)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:26 pm ((... what)) chronosmith 8:26 pm good stuff)) NoodlesAtNight 8:26 pm {{Bird busy many often times. It work! You Swoop got work too.}} opatoes 8:26 pm ((: o SCProwl 8:26 pm ((reading books is for wimmin, gotta watch sportsball Chaoit 8:26 pm ............. Chaoit 8:27 pm Um.... SCProwl 8:27 pm ((that's all i took from that guy ruining that book is that's what he thinks NoodlesAtNight 8:27 pm *Soundwave sees a new face here. Who is the blue and black bot?* [[Greetings. Designation?]] chronosmith 8:27 pm *shrugs* Incredibly boring and monotonous. Which is not IDEAL. I almost wish someone else would come screaming down to Cybertron to try and collect my damn bounty. At least THEN I'd have something to DO that isn't... *shudders* Regular old hard WORK. Darkscream 8:27 pm *Facepalms.* These are things not even John would do! NoodlesAtNight 8:27 pm ((oh look it's soundwave's mouth)) opatoes 8:28 pm ((PPHFHFPH Kelpy 8:28 pm These are the most pointless "hacks". Why are they doing thins MedicalMurdersaurus 8:28 pm *twists his torso back and forth so his arms and wings get flailed loosely around as he levels Laserbeak with his best exasperated face* Me Swoop not wooooorrrkk. Me Swoop hang out. Want to hang out with You Bird! opatoes 8:28 pm these dont hack my life at all 😔 NoodlesAtNight 8:28 pm {{Then you Swoop sit. Us watch movie in two minute.}} SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:28 pm If they come down to kidnap you, I'll have to fight them, Whirl. *the dragon is deadly serious* NoodlesAtNight 8:28 pm //Y'WANT your life hacked? Cuz I could do it.// opatoes 8:28 pm Soundwave, can you hack my life SCProwl 8:29 pm ((oh yes, just put tape directly on your skin Darkscream 8:29 pm *Turns her attention over to Soundwave. Assuming he was talking to her, this was the first time meeting, she put up a servo in greetings.* I'm Darkscream. Kelpy 8:29 pm Huh MedicalMurdersaurus 8:29 pm ((I lik ehow they tied fishing line ot her skirt instead of using a fan or hairdryer like a sane person)) Me 8:29 pm ((reblog to save marilyn monroe's life)) opatoes 8:29 pm ((asdxcvbnzxxcv MedicalMurdersaurus 8:29 pm *siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighs* Kaay chronosmith 8:29 pm Nah, fighting them off is MY honor. Sorry. I rarely share my fights, dragon. *and now at last he will make his way over to the couch, having quietly and with amusement watched World War Twins break out over the best spot* opatoes 8:29 pm lifehack: just destroy your stuff opatoes 8:30 pm ... what would happen if I did this to my pedes SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:30 pm *the dragon sighs, but nods understandingly* Of course. That's perfectly fair. I wouldn't want to deprive you of your fights. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:30 pm ((if you actually fell that away in those shoes you'd absolutely have a broken wrist from trying to catch yourself)) Me 8:30 pm ((PONYTAIL THROUGH A KNIT HAT THAT'S THE WORST LOOK I'VE EVER SEEN HVSGDT)) Kelpy 8:30 pm /gfhbyfghnhg Chaoit 8:30 pm ((just NoodlesAtNight 8:30 pm [[What in BLAZES--]] Chaoit 8:30 pm ((yikes chronosmith 8:30 pm Now, at last, we see what Prowl's special task forces get up to. opatoes 8:30 pm soundwave this video vexes and terrifies me Chaoit 8:31 pm Soundwave? NoodlesAtNight 8:31 pm *So that's Darkscream.* [[Greetings, and welcome. Any high grade must be paid for, but solid snacks are free.]] [[And yes?]] Chaoit 8:31 pm What are we watching now? NoodlesAtNight 8:31 pm [[Nothing, because it is time to start.]] [[And he has tortured you all long enough.]] opatoes 8:31 pm ... but what is this lifehack chronosmith 8:31 pm Damn. I should've known you'd protect his secrets. Chaoit 8:31 pm Thank Primus opatoes 8:31 pm soundwave please NoodlesAtNight 8:31 pm [[A periscope.]] opatoes 8:31 pm . . . Oh MedicalMurdersaurus 8:31 pm *toddles after Bird to sit where she wants, for once forgetting to grab snacks for her* NoodlesAtNight 8:32 pm ((WARNINGS: i got distracted and didn't finish but uhhhhh assassin guy gets his finger chopped off in the opening sequence (whirl consider yourself notified), disturbing imagery, needles, unwilling medical patient, lots of violence and death, a little blood)) Darkscream 8:32 pm Good to know. Not much of a high grade mech, though I might grab a few snacks. *Smiles at Soundwave then glances around the room again. Out of all the mechs, she only recognized three, not counting Soundwave, and only one she's met before.* NoodlesAtNight 8:33 pm ((also if you've never played an AC game don't let this movie stop you. it's a horrible movie but in a fun way. the games are way better)) opatoes 8:33 pm /Smokescreen's grabbing as many drinks as he can before jumping off the bar, running towards where round Prowl is/ chronosmith 8:33 pm ((NOTIFIED. Liquor ready to be deployed for chugging-distraction functions)) opatoes 8:33 pm ((... i always read AC as animal crossing so i was so confused for a second)) chronosmith 8:33 pm ((altair but as an animal crossing style eagle... )) Me 8:33 pm ((Animal Creed)) ((Assassin's Crossing)) opatoes 8:33 pm ((Assassin's Crossing Kelpy 8:33 pm //assasin crossing SCProwl 8:33 pm *oh right, yes, Prowl totally arrived while everyone was watching bad life hacks* NoodlesAtNight 8:33 pm ((THE EAGLE THING IS CUTE)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:33 pm ((assassins crossing)) Me 8:34 pm ((whenever i see AC i think Advent Children)) Kelpy 8:34 pm //mood tho SCProwl 8:34 pm ((same, puff chronosmith 8:34 pm I think... Armor Class)) opatoes 8:34 pm ((Final Fantasy: Animal Crossing Chaoit 8:34 pm -peers back at the flier, blinking. Kinda feels like he recognizes her- Kelpy 8:34 pm //final fantasy seven, animal creed MedicalMurdersaurus 8:34 pm ((only the brotherhood and also the possibility this apple is a metaphor, not a real thing)) Me 8:34 pm ((... omg i didn't know the AC plot was so..... like........ dan brown)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:34 pm ((it is VERY dan brown)) chronosmith 8:34 pm ((ye dude)) NoodlesAtNight 8:34 pm ((you have NO idea)) opatoes 8:34 pm man I wish I had a house that big opatoes 8:35 pm I wish I had a house SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:35 pm ((yeah it's really really dan brown)) Me 8:35 pm ((i had no idea)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:35 pm What are they doing with those knives. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:35 pm Me SWOOP have a cave. Dino cave. ALL Dinos in cave : > NoodlesAtNight 8:35 pm ((but also really really really good)) chronosmith 8:35 pm *leans back, drink in hand, and bobs his head, in turn, to Rumble and Frenzy both* So, how was it you were planning to hack someone's life, again? The old-fashioned way? Me 8:35 pm ((man that apple is probably pretty much dust by now NoodlesAtNight 8:35 pm \\AIN'T NO BETTER WAY. HACK 'N SLASH, HEH.\\ Darkscream 8:35 pm *Going to head to where the snacks were to be out of the way. Given she was about Megatron's height, it was a really smart idea to not block the screen. Picks at one of the crunchy snacks.* NoodlesAtNight 8:36 pm *Ravage peers over the bar to stare at her. ... She smells all right.* chronosmith 8:36 pm *tips his head back for the OPENING CHUG* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:36 pm Oh that's what they're doing with those knives. opatoes 8:36 pm ... I want a cool axe Chaoit 8:36 pm .....yikes chronosmith 8:36 pm *the fumes might very well be smell-able from across the room* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:36 pm Them do Spanish. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:37 pm You Bird do Spanish? NoodlesAtNight 8:37 pm *They are. But Ravage's nose is strong enough he can smell Darkscream past it. Not the twins' though. They can't smell anything but booze.* {{Si.}} opatoes 8:37 pm That guy's got a Megatron blade! MedicalMurdersaurus 8:37 pm Kehehheh SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:37 pm ((IS THAT GODSMACK)) chronosmith 8:37 pm ((omg i typed that up without reading all of ravage's comment we both went for The Smell)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:37 pm How many WORDS You Bird know? :V SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:37 pm ((oh no I thought it was the song from the scorpion king movie)) Darkscream 8:37 pm *Pauses and looks back at Ravage with a curious blink. Tilts her helm a bit.* Ravage...? SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:37 pm ((this is not that song)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:38 pm KAHAHHAHA Him SUCK SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:38 pm ((parkour)) NoodlesAtNight 8:38 pm {{Aaaaaaall.}} MedicalMurdersaurus 8:38 pm :V That a lot chronosmith 8:39 pm *returns his attention to the screen* Hell yeah, Frenzy. I mean, my first love is guns, but I can appreciate a good swordfight. NoodlesAtNight 8:39 pm =Yes. You are wanting drinks?= Kelpy 8:39 pm Um chronosmith 8:40 pm Huh. Patsy Cline. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:40 pm ...Is that his docent. NoodlesAtNight 8:40 pm \\I LIKE IT UP CLOSE 'N PERSONAL.\\ *Frenzy grins and pops a drill - but only briefly, knowing the Boss will get mad if he leaves it out.* \\DON'T NOBODY MAKE SWORDS OUR SIZE.\\ [[It appears to be.]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:40 pm Hm. opatoes 8:40 pm ... Who's blood is it, then? Kelpy 8:40 pm What SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:41 pm I don't like this. Chaoit 8:41 pm Um What? Kelpy 8:41 pm So did he kill her or chronosmith 8:41 pm That's a damn shame. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:41 pm She might have suicided. Kelpy 8:41 pm Excellent start to a movie NoodlesAtNight 8:41 pm //Better'n gettin' captured 'n tortured.// Darkscream 8:41 pm *Good looking Ravage for this 'verses style.* The currency still in credits? *Not even paying attention to the movie! It is so silly even for her.* opatoes 8:41 pm those corn fields stink SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:41 pm Generally speaking, yes. Me 8:42 pm ((i see he already has a genetic predisposition toward wearing hoods no matter the temperature)) chronosmith 8:42 pm Yeah, but I'd rather go down fighting, personally. Kelpy 8:42 pm //lmO opatoes 8:42 pm ((PFF NoodlesAtNight 8:42 pm =Eh, which kind?= ((LOL)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:42 pm ((man this movie is all about super dark scenes with one primary dominant color)) chronosmith 8:42 pm Edgy. Kelpy 8:43 pm //visiblity wasn't a concern when they filmed i guess SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:43 pm The pair's bonded. Not everyone can handle seeing their bondmate tortured in front of them. chronosmith 8:43 pm That's why you go out fighting TOGETHER. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:43 pm ((am I the only one bothered by the fact we have to guess where the subtitles are going to pop up? I want it to go balls to the walls and just start showing up in the middle of the screen on top of people's faces. Go all in.)) chronosmith 8:44 pm Get a backup plan, some kind of handy explosive you can use. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:44 pm Why Him all tie up? SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:44 pm That is a better idea. Did they have an explosive, though? NoodlesAtNight 8:44 pm ((youtube subtitles are terrible)) Chaoit 8:44 pm ...... NoodlesAtNight 8:45 pm ((and generally try to be near the speaker)) Kelpy 8:45 pm Do we get to know who he murdered MedicalMurdersaurus 8:45 pm Oh. Them cut him up. chronosmith 8:45 pm Probably not, but that's their own bad planning. Chaoit 8:45 pm ...oh no chronosmith 8:45 pm I always have some kind of grenade handy. I've got one in my subspace right now. NoodlesAtNight 8:45 pm //Yeah? What kind?// SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:45 pm This is definitely not a psychologically healthy way to execute someone. chronosmith 8:45 pm Matter of fact--*nods to Frenzy* It's the one you gave me. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:45 pm Oooh, nice. chronosmith 8:45 pm Implosion grenade. Chaoit 8:45 pm ....what? Darkscream 8:45 pm *Goes to her side and slips a servo into a subspace compartment. Takes a little bag out to set it down. Flips through to find a glowing chip almost like energon.* Got a more hard form or better in trade. Haven't don't much trading here. *Takes a seat at the bar if Ravage doesn't mind.* NoodlesAtNight 8:45 pm \\OOOOH, YOU STILL GOT IT?\\ chronosmith 8:45 pm Hell yeah I do! Waiting for the right time to use it. chronosmith 8:46 pm *peers at the screen* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:46 pm He doesn't look dead. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:46 pm Dead chronosmith 8:46 pm Honestly, it probably would have been better if he was dead. NoodlesAtNight 8:46 pm *Ravage ducks below the bar to peek at the list Prowl helped them set up for conversions. He's down there a moment or two before peeking over again.* =It works. What order?= SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:46 pm Almost certainly. Me 8:46 pm ((NO)) Kelpy 8:46 pm What a way to wake up opatoes 8:46 pm This... Isn't going to go well for him is it SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:46 pm Most people don't pretend to kill you for good reasons. Me 8:46 pm ((WHY DO THEY DO THAT)) NoodlesAtNight 8:46 pm ((i hate that)) opatoes 8:47 pm oh! his pants say dr! so he's a doctor right NoodlesAtNight 8:47 pm ((he should be pouring blood down his arm)) chronosmith 8:47 pm Don't trust her. Grab the IV out of your arm and stick it in her eye. NoodlesAtNight 8:47 pm [[Sedated him right proper, he sees.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:47 pm ((I'd love to see a movie go all in on showing how dumb that is.)) opatoes 8:47 pm imagine if he just like. put the iv back in NoodlesAtNight 8:47 pm ((in fairness, gotham sorta did)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:47 pm *snickers every time he falls or stumbles* NoodlesAtNight 8:47 pm ((with alfred anyway, not fish)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:47 pm KEHHEHH SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:47 pm This is a very fancy torture prison. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:47 pm Him suck at walking opatoes 8:47 pm what a walk cycle! chronosmith 8:48 pm *dryly* The best ones usually are. *takes another swig* Kelpy 8:48 pm I guess they really don't like to show faces Chaoit 8:48 pm ...... SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:48 pm Fair. *the dragon can't really dispute that* NoodlesAtNight 8:48 pm //Don't flop over now, buddy. 'S a long way down 'n you ain't got wings.// MedicalMurdersaurus 8:48 pm YAH Movie stuck MedicalMurdersaurus 8:49 pm Never ever FLIER chronosmith 8:49 pm No, he absolutely should. He should jump. Darkscream 8:49 pm *Glances at the movie with a snort then back to Ravage.* Hrm. Happen to have a Praxis Crash? [*totally making this up*] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:49 pm He definitely should. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:49 pm Flier get away *blows raspberries* opatoes 8:49 pm None of this sounds healthy MedicalMurdersaurus 8:49 pm ((THAT FUCKING subtitle)) ((good god XD)) NoodlesAtNight 8:49 pm ((i missed it what was it)) chronosmith 8:49 pm ((KEEPIN U ON YOUR TOES)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:49 pm ((who puts a subtitle in the upper right hand corner?)) Me 8:49 pm ((bouncing around everywhere)) opatoes 8:50 pm ((i get that they're trying to make it match the location but like. just put it in the bottom center area!! Me 8:50 pm ((like a pong match)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:50 pm Well, that's one way to not gain someone's trust. Chaoit 8:50 pm ((ick NoodlesAtNight 8:50 pm =Praxis Crash?= *It's been a while since someone asked for a Klingon/Praxus mix. Usually that's the kind of thing their own Prowl runs for.* =Yes. A moment.= MedicalMurdersaurus 8:50 pm ((I literally feel like I'm at the eye doctor where they make you stare at the center and ask you to click that little thing every time a spot of light shows up in the periphery of your vision)) Kelpy 8:51 pm They're super bad at explaining anything anywhere Chaoit 8:51 pm .............. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:51 pm *the dragon winces* That's a torture device. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:51 pm ?? Chaoit 8:51 pm -nope- opatoes 8:51 pm ... So, is this like the cortical psychic patch but for humans from different points in time? chronosmith 8:51 pm I swear to god, these two had better not end up in one of those dumb romances. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:51 pm *don't mind her, she's just going to scratch at the back of her head* NoodlesAtNight 8:51 pm [[Apparently.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:51 pm keheeheh chronosmith 8:51 pm If they don't end this movie as arch-enemies then I call bullshit. NoodlesAtNight 8:51 pm *He's silently grateful Ravage told him to tell Prowl not to come.* opatoes 8:51 pm You know, for the patch's credit, at least it doesn't physically lift you up! Me 8:51 pm ((this is such bullshit science lmao)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:52 pm ((I know right)) ((it's so bad)) opatoes 8:52 pm I wish I had DNA Me 8:52 pm ((SEARCHING DNA FOR TIMEFRAME ASFGDKGH)) Chaoit 8:52 pm ((so much bs right here SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:52 pm Why do you want DNA? opatoes 8:52 pm So I can travel through time, apparently! Kelpy 8:52 pm //"Let's say science words, they'll nevrr know were making it up Chaoit 8:52 pm That...didn't look like it was....what is going on? SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:53 pm ...I implore you to trust me- that is not how DNA works. Darkscream 8:53 pm *Having no idea anyone else would of ordered the same, Darkscream fiddles with her bag of currency. Getting out the appropriate credits for Ravage. Everything on the movie was NONSENSE.* opatoes 8:53 pm ... Really? Man, what a disappointment. Kelpy 8:53 pm Did thery just dump him into a time portal Or did he fall into something else NoodlesAtNight 8:53 pm [[Of course it isn't. He's never traveled through time simply by inspecting a memory. If anyone could have done it, he would have.]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:53 pm You can clone beings and create new ones with DNA. But definitely not travel through time. opatoes 8:53 pm ... Actually, can I use the patch on myself? I want to remember things. chronosmith 8:53 pm *sidelong look at Soundwave* NoodlesAtNight 8:53 pm [[They dipped him into his own memory, he thinks.]] [[...What?]] opatoes 8:54 pm ... What? chronosmith 8:54 pm What? SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:54 pm What? Kelpy 8:54 pm What MedicalMurdersaurus 8:54 pm hi NoodlesAtNight 8:54 pm *Ravage paws the credits off the counter and passes over the drink. Enjoy.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:54 pm Hi, Swoop. chronosmith 8:54 pm *now looks at Swoop* What? MedicalMurdersaurus 8:54 pm *waves* chronosmith 8:55 pm *nods solemnly. Time for another swig* Darkscream 8:55 pm *DNA time travelling is silly. Smiles as she takes the drink.* Thanks, Ravage. *Lets her wings relax, keeping them out of his view too, and sips at the drink. Sighing at the good taste.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:55 pm *snarls* Eaten take them. chronosmith 8:56 pm Wow, those weapons aren't obvious at all. opatoes 8:56 pm Actually, Soundwave- any idea if you can, like, use the patch on bots that aren't online anymore? Hypothetically? chronosmith 8:56 pm ...Okay, that was pretty sick. NoodlesAtNight 8:56 pm [[/He/ cannot.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:56 pm *SHRIEKS with laughter* NoodlesAtNight 8:56 pm *But he has heard that those with needles can. And that is frightening.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:56 pm *the dragon churrs delightedly* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:56 pm Death from ABOVE ekehehhehhhehh Kelpy 8:56 pm Oh. opatoes 8:57 pm Wait, seriously? ... How likely is it that a bot with needles has done that, do you think? They clean their needles every time, right? Kelpy 8:57 pm [coughs] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:57 pm Did the female assassin just beat a man with a spinning stick? NoodlesAtNight 8:57 pm [[He doesn't know and doesn't care to think about it.]] Chaoit 8:57 pm -shrinking back- I really don't like the general premise of this movie... SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:57 pm It's about rebels killing torturers and mind-controllers. I'm enjoying the premise immensely. NoodlesAtNight 8:58 pm [[Agreed.]] chronosmith 8:58 pm I know a mnemosurgeon who can. Or, he used to be able to. Probably isn't allowed anymore. opatoes 8:58 pm /Smokescreen's rubbing the back of his neck, feeling a bit grossed out./ NoodlesAtNight 8:58 pm [[Oh? Who?]] Chaoit 8:58 pm I mean how they're seeing all this NoodlesAtNight 8:58 pm *Takes note of Blaster's discomfort. Hm.* chronosmith 8:58 pm Chromedome. Only mnemosurgeon I know, really. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:58 pm Oh, the scientific premise is complete garbage, if that's what bothers you. chronosmith 8:58 pm His junxie doesn't like him injecting, though. NoodlesAtNight 8:58 pm [[His - what?]] Kelpy 8:58 pm Conjunx. NoodlesAtNight 8:59 pm [[Oh. Rewind? What has he got against it?]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:59 pm mmm-nemo opatoes 8:59 pm I know, like, three mnemosurgeons and one of them is offlined, another is a bot I'd never let use his drills on me, and the other- he's not that skilled at it yet. Kelpy 8:59 pm I never actually asked why he doesn't like it. Chaoit 8:59 pm -winces- SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:59 pm ...Anything you use to pull precious cargo is not that stupid, right? Right? chronosmith 9:00 pm Bad for his health. *dryly* Rewind has a vested interest in keeping Chromedome around. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:00 pm What muh-nemo means? opatoes 9:00 pm But Chromedome? How good is he at that stuff? I guess he probably shouldn't do it, but still, it might not hurt to ask him about the stuff sometimes! SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:00 pm It is that stupid. Chaoit 9:00 pm -heights! Nope!- Darkscream 9:00 pm *Watching the movie with mild interest/disinterest. It's all so BROWN and not very interesting.* chronosmith 9:00 pm Apparently that sort of this is addictive. *waves a claw* He's been trying to quit. Rewind's there to make SURE it happens. NoodlesAtNight 9:00 pm [[Addictive? He experiences withdrawals if he does not do it?]] chronosmith 9:01 pm Maybe? I dunno. You'd have to ask him. And, I mean... I saw him pull the memories out of a mech who had just been killed by a sparkeater. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:01 pm Gee, look at all those symbols just like the one that the bad guys use. I wonder if it's a sign. chronosmith 9:01 pm He's PRETTY good. Kelpy 9:01 pm I remember that. That's when I found my bar. opatoes 9:01 pm ... So, Apple got really big in this world, I guess. NoodlesAtNight 9:02 pm \\HAH\\ opatoes 9:02 pm Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all night! MedicalMurdersaurus 9:02 pm PFFF chronosmith 9:02 pm PFFT. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:02 pm Does he need his offspring to do everything for him? Make his science, write his speeches, put on his clothes? MedicalMurdersaurus 9:02 pm CURE violence? pffffffffffffffffffffffff chronosmith 9:02 pm I know, right? NoodlesAtNight 9:02 pm *Soundwave makes a note to install some sort of self-destruct device in case he ever dies alone in the presence of mnemosurgeons.* Darkscream 9:03 pm *Slips her bag back into subspace so she didn't forget about it later. Tilts her helm towards Blaster. Hums a moment then raises her voice just enough to get his attention.* Blaster! Come sit over here. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:03 pm Piteous traitor to his kind. If I felt pity for the creature. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:04 pm ... I'm going to compost every human in that building. NoodlesAtNight 9:04 pm [[Do.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 9:04 pm ((this is the most expositiony conversation I've heard in eons)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:04 pm I'd threaten to eat them, but I fear I'd get poisoning from it. chronosmith 9:04 pm On the one hand I wanna say this is cartoonishly evil, but I mean. This is more or less what Functionists were like, so. opatoes 9:04 pm I wish I had a brotherhood ... I wish I had brothers SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:05 pm Compost the creatures and reuse them for better purposes. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:05 pm Brothers are AWESOME Kelpy 9:05 pm They'd posion the plants. Me 9:05 pm ((that was SUCH a hamhanded infodump)) NoodlesAtNight 9:05 pm //Only sometimes.// \\HEY!\\ opatoes 9:05 pm You have brothers, Swoop? MedicalMurdersaurus 9:05 pm YAH SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:05 pm Like not being evil and wasting air. chronosmith 9:05 pm *snickers* NoodlesAtNight 9:05 pm *Rumble cackles and leans over to bop Frenzy.* Me 9:05 pm ((anyway i'm renaming the head villain dude jeff bezos)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:05 pm Grimlock, Sludge, Slag, Snarl, Slash. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:05 pm ((valid)) chronosmith 9:05 pm ((ndjwfd)) NoodlesAtNight 9:05 pm ((oh excellent)) opatoes 9:06 pm Man, I'm kinda jealous! Anybody want a new brother? NoodlesAtNight 9:06 pm {{...Who Slash?}} MedicalMurdersaurus 9:06 pm Her Slash is a RAPTOR opatoes 9:06 pm You've got a huge family, Swoop! Chaoit 9:06 pm -whelp, may not totally recognize the flier, but going over all the same- chronosmith 9:06 pm I'm good. The last thing I need is to burden anyone with a relation to ME. NoodlesAtNight 9:06 pm {{When her made? Bird not recognize.}} SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:06 pm I have a brother. Probably other siblings, too, but he's the only one I've actually met. opatoes 9:06 pm Specs, would you like another brother? MedicalMurdersaurus 9:06 pm Uhhh dunno! Her Slash just *makes upward gestures* and there! Darkscream 9:06 pm *There are six Dinobots now? Well seven if Paddles counts.* Kelpy 9:06 pm [pats Smokey] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:07 pm I'd be your sister, Whirl, but I'm afraid I'm just too fuzzy for you. Me 9:07 pm ((... so let's say this "genetic memory" thing is real.)) opatoes 9:07 pm /Sigh, leaning against Swerve!/ ... What about you, Swerve? Kelpy 9:07 pm Yeah sure. opatoes 9:07 pm Wait, really? chronosmith 9:07 pm Fuzziness is no obstacle. I'm just not taking applications. Me 9:07 pm ((if it's a real thing, then that means that all this happened before aguilar passed on his genes to his descendant)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:07 pm ...I mean, I'd have to find my parents to do that. I could locate them, but I don't think anyone would enjoy that. Kelpy 9:07 pm I have no idea how it works but sure. Me 9:07 pm ((so, we can say, with 100% certainty, that aguilar will fuck AT LEAST one time in the future.)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:07 pm That's also an obstacle, yes. I'm happy to just be your friend, anyways. opatoes 9:07 pm Awesome! Wait, how old are you, Swerve? I'm your older brother, right? NoodlesAtNight 9:08 pm ((lmfao)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:08 pm ((the science checks out)) chronosmith 9:08 pm ((scientifically speaking, he WILL fuck)) Lord, this lady is insufferable. Someone PLEASE kill her. Please. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:08 pm ((how great would it be if they were getting ready for the big crazy fight that the whole story had been leading up to and he decided to have one last hurrah in a bar and then the memories just STOP cause he got someone knocked up?)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:08 pm I would, but I can't reach into the screen and murder her. Kelpy 9:08 pm Awhile SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:08 pm ((SWOOP PLEASE)) Me 9:08 pm ((LMAO)) ((NICE)) Kelpy 9:08 pm //god i did the math once but i forgot what it was that swerve's age was lmao Darkscream 9:09 pm She's probably going to die at the end of the movie. NoodlesAtNight 9:09 pm ((i would laugh my head off)) opatoes 9:09 pm ... Well, you wouldn't be older than me, right, Swerve? Darkscream 9:09 pm *Really doesn't care at all for this group. It is just a movie, so she's not attached at ALL.* opatoes 9:09 pm I'm not sure I'm younger brother material! NoodlesAtNight 9:09 pm ((she sounds like what's-his-holes with the whole "cold constructed bots are all horrible")) chronosmith 9:09 pm We can only hope. *grimly toasts Darkscream and takes another long draught of his Gaugebuster* Kelpy 9:09 pm Depends, I'm like. Hmmm. I forgot, but older than the war. Darkscream 9:10 pm [This makes me want the Prince of Persia movie. THAT WAS INTERESTING] Chaoit 9:10 pm -pokes at the new flier- I recognize you, from somewhere opatoes 9:10 pm ... I'm just a bit older than the war. Who was Prime when you first came online? Chaoit 9:10 pm -after he's seated nearby- NoodlesAtNight 9:10 pm ((and the plan to do the killswitch and all that)) chronosmith 9:10 pm ((Tyrest!)) Kelpy 9:10 pm It was the one before Sentinel. Me 9:10 pm ((GENETICALLY EEEEEEVIL)) Me 9:11 pm ((ur right, she'd get along with tyrest)) opatoes 9:11 pm ... That was Nova, right? So- So I guess you're older than me, basically. Darkscream 9:11 pm *Grins at Blaster.* Yeah, you should. We only met once and Sideswipe was ready to tear my helm off because I had you in the sky. chronosmith 9:11 pm ...*pauses, tilting his head curiously* Since we're on the subject, and all. *looks between Rumble and Frenzy* How do brothers WORK where you guys are from? MedicalMurdersaurus 9:11 pm *his optics are going to roll right out of his head* opatoes 9:11 pm That's just weird, though. I can still call myself your older brother, right? chronosmith 9:11 pm What makes you two twins, aside from the obvious? Chaoit 9:11 pm .......oh yeah He really hates fliers Kelpy 9:11 pm Nah, I think you're younger brother material. You're all... [gestures] Bouncy. NoodlesAtNight 9:11 pm //We tell ya, then you gotta tell us how's it work where you come from. Deal?// opatoes 9:11 pm Hey, what? Come on! I'm just an energetic older brother! Chaoit 9:12 pm Like...it's a switch, almost Darkscream 9:12 pm Does he pull Jet Judo on any flyer he goes against? Kelpy 9:12 pm You can be the taller brother if I can be the older. opatoes 9:12 pm I'm not even taller right now 😔 Chaoit 9:12 pm That'd be putting it nicely Kelpy 9:12 pm You're usually taller. Chaoit 9:13 pm During the war, if we didn't have a flier of our own, we'd send in Sides Me 9:13 pm ((look at him, demonstrating all that FREE WILL)) chronosmith 9:13 pm I've got no idea how it works HERE, either. Never thought to ask anyone. opatoes 9:13 pm True... Fine, I guess I'll be the taller brother. /Grumbling, doorwings flicking./ Kelpy 9:13 pm [pats] If he's been dead two hundred years, how is he here. chronosmith 9:13 pm Apparently Minimus Ambus--the dude in our Ultra Magnus suit, currently--had a spark-brother, but that's the full gamut of my expertise on the subject. NoodlesAtNight 9:13 pm [[His assassin-person has been dead two hundred years.]] opatoes 9:13 pm EAT IT Kelpy 9:14 pm Oh. Darkscream 9:14 pm Autobots back home didn't have flyers either until Swoop was created with the Dinobots. Then game the airealbots after that. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker were pure devils before that. NoodlesAtNight 9:14 pm //Well, y'find out, you tell us. We'll give ya the details anyhow.// MedicalMurdersaurus 9:14 pm *perks up when he hears his name* Hi! opatoes 9:14 pm /Leaning against Swerve./ Me 9:15 pm ((if they want to brainwash him into thinking he's doing the right thing by giving them the apple, why are they letting him hang out with all the people who know they're supposed to guard the apple and want to talk him out of handing it over?)) Chaoit 9:15 pm We had our own, but...they were taken out quickly, something about politics and stuff Darkscream 9:15 pm *Waves a servo.* Hi Swoop. I'd love to chat when you're not busy. *Smiles. She's more relaxed now than when she came in.* chronosmith 9:15 pm *salutes Rumble* You got my solid word. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:16 pm Me Swoop hang out with Her Bird. *points at Laserbeak so we're all on the same page* Me 9:16 pm ((why didn't they, just, put him on a different floor and go "oh, yeah, you're the last surviving ancestor of this assassin's club, all the other genetic lines of the other assassins died off over time because their descendants were violent malcontents.")) Chaoit 9:16 pm And Sides...I think he was taught by a flier. Because he doesn't just grab for the wings. He grounds them NoodlesAtNight 9:16 pm ((because Evil is Stupid i guess)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:17 pm ((what the fuck happened)) ((I wasn't paying enough attention)) Me 9:17 pm ((it's the musical episode)) Kelpy 9:17 pm //lmao SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:17 pm ((CLEARLY)) Darkscream 9:17 pm As I said, when you're not busy. I can always catch you after the movie? *Waves to Laserbeak so she wasn't left out then turns to Blaster.* Oh I know. I've seen it happen. I had it happen once to myself... Darkscream 9:19 pm *Clears her vocoder.* And I've crashed hard plenty of times before from stalling while trying to keep Sideswipe from crashing when we were on good terms. Taking jet surfing to new heights; literally. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:19 pm ...Torture chambers are bad places to kiss. Kelpy 9:19 pm //they are so bad at making things visile i honestly can't even see either of them lmao SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:19 pm ((I know right)) NoodlesAtNight 9:19 pm ((if you're on LD changing to HD helps a lot)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:19 pm ((that's why I just wasn't watching until they put him back into the animus)) Kelpy 9:19 pm //it is on ld unfortunately lmao Kelpy 9:19 pm //hd* Chaoit 9:19 pm Jet surfing? Kelpy 9:20 pm Seems like their primus is mean opatoes 9:20 pm man i wish i could see our past like this chronosmith 9:20 pm Thank god we CAN'T. Darkscream 9:20 pm Mhm. It's a bit of a willing jet judo. Keeping to my alternate form, Sideswipe kept his pedes positioned so he wouldn't slide off my winds, and we'd go flying. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:20 pm I don't think I would enjoy the experience of being burned alive. chronosmith 9:21 pm There's not a single day in my past I'd rather live than right here, right now. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:21 pm ((am I the only one having clone wars flashbacks?)) chronosmith 9:21 pm ...*pauses* That. Came out sounding a lot more optimistic than I intended. opatoes 9:21 pm Hey, I'll try anything once. Chaoit 9:21 pm Sounds dangerous SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:22 pm ((what is with red bird man)) NoodlesAtNight 9:22 pm //So, Frenzy 'n I, we got us kinda the same spark, sorta. Ain't stable enough for holdin' together - somethin' with the types of fields 'n speeds 'n scrap - so it busted up. Two parts, smaller ones. They was strong enough to hold up by themselves, so they got busy growin' both of us. Coupla changes on account of the splittin' - don't everythin' come out the same most times - but real close. Happens to all kindsa sparks, but most the time it makes minis like us. Anyhow, means he 'n I sorta got a weird bond without askin' for it. Ain't super telepathic like the Boss, 'n I can't do no talkin' to him, but we know stuff's happenin' 'bout each other. Feel it.// Darkscream 9:22 pm It can be if either party isn't careful. I've torn up my wings saving Sideswipe's skidplate. Forgot his jetpack to be looser and he fell. I couldn't reach him in time and... yeah... I transformed and hit the ground HARD. Tore up my back and wings pretty badly. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:23 pm ((did they just subtitle it... and "speaks spanish" it)) opatoes 9:23 pm .... So, basically at this institute, they're doing historical LARPing? chronosmith 9:23 pm *now turns his full attention to the explanation, Maximum Attentive Mode, antenna perked forward and everything* Chaoit 9:23 pm Yeesh Yeah, I'm not doing that SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:23 pm At least remove the restraints. NoodlesAtNight 9:23 pm //Same thing with the Birds. 'N Buzzsaw's sweetie 'n his bro - think they was supposed to be somethin' real strong. Sunstreaker's half spins way fast 'n burns super hot. Sideswipe don't.// Chaoit 9:23 pm -not looking at the screen, not looking at the screen- opatoes 9:24 pm I WANNA JUMP ON ROOFS Chaoit 9:24 pm -why the HEIGHTS!?- Darkscream 9:24 pm *Laughs.* I wouldn't ever ask you to. It really is dumb, but we did it anyway. *Sips at her Praxis Crash.* Chaoit 9:24 pm -he looked at the screen at a bad time- Darkscream 9:25 pm *Can block Blaster's view with a wing? They could move up and down to a point.* MedicalMurdersaurus 9:25 pm ((It seems to be implying he's going to knock this chick up but that doesn't make a ton of sense because then couldn't whatshisface in present day see this fight from both their POVs equally?)) Chaoit 9:25 pm -oh good- Me 9:25 pm ((not if they decided to only sync to one of them and chose him instead of her)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:25 pm ((the argument seems to be that they can hone in on which one it is via the Y chromosome)) Chaoit 9:26 pm Yeah, you remember how well me and heights got along chronosmith 9:26 pm Huh. *that's honestly kind of interesting; Whirl's still pretty glad he DOESN'T have a sibling, sharing a bond like that with someone sounds pretty terrible to him, but NOT having it would probably seem pretty lonely to the twins* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:26 pm ((hence why no ladies are in here)) opatoes 9:26 pm Swerve, how rebuilt is your Cybertron? Can I go over and hop on roofs? Me 9:26 pm ((there was at least one lady in the cafeteria.)) chronosmith 9:26 pm ((MITOCHONDRIAL DNA WOULD GIVE THEM SO MUCH MORE MILEAGE THO)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:26 pm ((I will accept the Y chromosome explanation)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:26 pm ((WHY IS THERE A HORSE ON THE ROOF)) NoodlesAtNight 9:26 pm ((yeah, the y explanation wouldn't work cuz there's lady assassins in game too)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:26 pm ((even if you are right that going maternally would be more useful)) Darkscream 9:26 pm Mhm. First hand experience. Least I now know if the case ever comes up. Kelpy 9:26 pm Uh, I mean it's mostly just Iacon right now though.... No, I don't think they'd let you. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:26 pm ((I KNOW O MIGHTY WORM)) ((but these are dumbasses)) SCProwl 9:26 pm ((i'll accept it if the next assassin is amab in the next game opatoes 9:27 pm Aww... I wonder if it would be wrong for me to jump on roofs around my Cybertron. chronosmith 9:27 pm ((...OR AT LEAST EQUAL MILEAGE)) opatoes 9:27 pm I mean, it can't be worse PR than dying and getting possessed by Unicron, right? Kelpy 9:27 pm Er. Darkscream 9:27 pm *Coughs on her drink hearing Smokescreen.* /What/ Chaoit 9:27 pm Yeah...still. Sorry about how Sides reacted Me 9:27 pm ((so yeah if these are BOTH his ancestors it's, like... real fucked up... if they keep going "oh yeah, he's this dude's descendant, this one dude, only the dude, check out this dude he's descended from" when literally she is rrrright there, in the same time period)) opatoes 9:27 pm ... That bot's okay now! SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:27 pm To be fair, dying and being possessed by an evil god is very bad PR. Chaoit 9:28 pm .......... Kelpy 9:28 pm //tbf i think it was said that he's the last one confirmed/known to have the apple and they are Speficially Searching for where he hid it MedicalMurdersaurus 9:28 pm ((I hate how they keep cutting away from the parkour to show us him on a CGI rig. It totally takes you out of what could be a cool practical stunt by showing clearly fake shit.)) Chaoit 9:28 pm -going to ignore that bit about Unicron- SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:28 pm ((I didn't mean "only male assassins ever" by the Y chromosome I mostly meant "this is why they're using a dude and not any of the female descendants")) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:29 pm Oh, that looks like brain damage. Kelpy 9:29 pm //p sure their reasoning is bc it was aguilar who had the appl laste, and not any specificdna reasons Me 9:29 pm ((but they DO have a female descendant in the cafeteria, i'm saying.)) NoodlesAtNight 9:29 pm [[...Interesting.]] opatoes 9:29 pm it looks like his model froze on an animation clip! Kelpy 9:29 pm Did he just die NoodlesAtNight 9:29 pm *So he's not the only one who suffers physically if he suffers in his head.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:29 pm ((wait, they do?)) ((I didn't see her)) Me 9:30 pm ((clearly they're not tracking by the y chromosome if they've got her there. unless she's trans or has a y chromosome, but somehow i doubt they thought it through that far)) Darkscream 9:30 pm *Bloody old gods. Looks back at Blaster.* Uh... Anyway. It's fine. Not going to be the first time or the last I'm sure. Sideswipe doesn't trust me. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:30 pm ((like I said I haven't been following real closely on the non assassin parts)) chronosmith 9:30 pm I dunno if that's how OURS work, but that seems like... the simplest way for it to happen. *he's not going to say so aloud, because it would be VERY CHEESY, and even though he's had plenty of liquor, he hasn't lost ALL of his decorum, but... he's glad the twins turned out the way they did. They're a lot more fun as two different people that he imagines they would be as a whole* Chaoit 9:30 pm Sideswipe's _paranoid_ to levels I'm worried about MedicalMurdersaurus 9:30 pm Her dumb MedicalMurdersaurus 9:31 pm Pain is fun : > Darkscream 9:31 pm How paranoid? Chaoit 9:32 pm He trained under Jazz NoodlesAtNight 9:32 pm *They wouldn't wanna be one person either. It's fun combining into an alt mode, and their split state probably makes that easier than it would be, but they like being different.* //Bet it ain't so different. You guys got hot spots, right? Maybe it's two sparks popped up real close together, or somethin'.// //Mixed stuff up.// *Mashes his fists together and makes a sort of "pchoom" noise.* Darkscream 9:33 pm Oh. Yeah. Training under the Spec Ops would lead to that, but it couldn't be all of Jazz's input to why Sideswipe is like that. chronosmith 9:33 pm Or one spark, and the sentio metallico sort of split it while it was forming. *matches Rumble's very informative gesture with one of his own, a big, massive pinch of his claw* Dunno if you can MAKE twins, though, the Cold Constructed way... I'd guess not? Chaoit 9:33 pm I...don't think I'm at liberty to tell the rest of his reasons Chaoit 9:34 pm But he's quick to react to even perceived threats chronosmith 9:34 pm Of COURSE she won't. Kelpy 9:34 pm [half listening] Branched spark twins are formed when the sentiuio splits itself between two sparks and bonds to both, instead of bonding to only one. I've never seen how a split spark forms. chronosmith 9:35 pm *perks up, looks to Swerve, and then gestures grandly* I'd trust the metallurgist on this one. Darkscream 9:35 pm *Leans back against the bar. Sips her drink.* Given he reacted the way he did to me, I'd venture a guess that Sideswipe had his home destroyed on a bombing run by a squad of Seekers... NoodlesAtNight 9:35 pm \\SO LIKE. ONE GLOB, TWO SPARKS?\\ Kelpy 9:35 pm Yeah, basically. So their bodies both experience the same thing. Sort of sharing a nervous system? Chaoit 9:35 pm ......... NoodlesAtNight 9:36 pm //Probably nicer 'n pinchin'.// *Whirl's idea looked kinda painful.* Darkscream 9:36 pm *Sighs.* I'd have a frag of a time getting to know him, wouldn't I? Assuming I could even get close. I'd just /scream/ threat because of my Seeker-state, huh? Kelpy 9:36 pm I've never seen the split spark form, so I can't say for sure, but I wouldn't be surprised if that was a result of unstable formation. Chaoit 9:37 pm Yeah....he'd....he'd not react well chronosmith 9:37 pm Probably. Pinching is generally pretty unpleasant. Darkscream 9:38 pm *Sips her drink in thought.* I'd have to look... less threatening, wouldn't I? Be an entirely different form. Even then it'd be a game of decepticon. Darkscream 9:39 pm [RIGHT] Chaoit 9:39 pm You'd have to work hard at that.... Kelpy 9:39 pm //exposiitiion Darkscream 9:39 pm [Primus is WTF at that apple Chaoit 9:40 pm The odds are really stacked against you, though NoodlesAtNight 9:40 pm [[...This facility must go through a great many employees.]] [[He hopes they offer good life insurance.]] Kelpy 9:40 pm //Everyone: apple is important, don't tell them how to find it! dude: i'm gonna give it to them so they kill my dad chronosmith 9:41 pm It's almost like re-connecting your unwilling prisoners to their ancient roots as highly-trained assassins is... *dramatic gasp* Backfiring. Darkscream 9:41 pm [welp, gee rabbit, you kicked me out SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:41 pm ((oi)) Chaoit 9:42 pm ((rabbit, you butt Darkscream 9:42 pm If it's changing my form that's the issue, Blaster, then it isn't that big of a problem. Chaoit 9:42 pm I don't think it'd be fair to you, though. NoodlesAtNight 9:42 pm \\NO, NEVER! SURELY NOT!\\ *Frenzy clutches his chest plates in mock shock and then doubles over laughing* Chaoit 9:42 pm And...he's not going to recover if he keeps this up NoodlesAtNight 9:42 pm \\COURSE IT'S BACKFIRIN'.\\ NoodlesAtNight 9:43 pm \\DUMB TEMPLE FRAGGERS.\\ SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:43 pm ((STOP "SPEAKING SPANISH" YOU ASSHOLE SUBTITLES)) Darkscream 9:43 pm Wouldn't be the first time I've looked different for interacting with others. Think I always look this way when I'm in another universe? chronosmith 9:43 pm I don't care what the official name of these guys is, from now on, they're "Temple Fraggers." Darkscream 9:43 pm [*SCREAMS IN SKELETON* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:43 pm Seconded. Temple Fraggers it is. Me 9:43 pm (("temple fraggers," the colloquial term for cityspeakers)) NoodlesAtNight 9:43 pm ((OMG)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:43 pm ((PUFF NO)) ((I'M EATING DON'T MAKE ME INHALE MY OWN FOOD)) NoodlesAtNight 9:43 pm [[...Such beautiful walls.]] chronosmith 9:44 pm ((HAHAHHA)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:44 pm ((Soooo how are we seeing this? No one related to anyone is in that room.)) Kelpy 9:44 pm Couldn't he give them a decoy apple NoodlesAtNight 9:45 pm ((they're peeking from above.)) chronosmith 9:45 pm ((PEEEPIN)) Chaoit 9:45 pm ((pfff MedicalMurdersaurus 9:45 pm ((ahhh. I can't keep straight who is where relative to each other.)) Me 9:45 pm ((who's doing that)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:45 pm ((the faces thing?)) Me 9:45 pm ((yes)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:46 pm ((I don't know)) Chaoit 9:46 pm ((please stop MedicalMurdersaurus 9:46 pm ((hell if I know)) Kelpy 9:46 pm //dfgg my pc doesn't like it SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:46 pm Ooooh, blood water. NoodlesAtNight 9:46 pm [[Let her perish. It is what is right.]] Kelpy 9:46 pm Stalemate NoodlesAtNight 9:46 pm [[She told you to let her die.]] chronosmith 9:46 pm She should kill herself first. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:47 pm She really ought to. NoodlesAtNight 9:47 pm [[Fool.]] Kelpy 9:47 pm He lost his leverage chronosmith 9:47 pm Honestly, how stupid. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:47 pm He... He stabbed her? Darkscream 9:47 pm *Sips. That was dumb.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:47 pm For... No reason? NoodlesAtNight 9:47 pm [[Why would he not? It removes a threat.]] opatoes 9:48 pm I zoned out what are they fighting for? NoodlesAtNight 9:48 pm [[He likely would have even if he received the apple.]] Chaoit 9:48 pm You change appearances in different timelines? chronosmith 9:48 pm It was the only thing keeping that guy at bay. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:48 pm Exactly. Darkscream 9:49 pm *Small sigh.* Takes some of the tension out when we know he survives because we're going "back in time" to view this happening. Me 9:49 pm ((remember: he still must fuck at least once)) Kelpy 9:49 pm Maybe a bit SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:49 pm ((he must fuck before he can die)) NoodlesAtNight 9:50 pm [[We do not know that he survives. They say he was the last to see it. They do not say for how long, or that he lived past that.]] chronosmith 9:50 pm Oh no. It's a tragedy... that character whose name I can't be arsed to remember is dead. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:50 pm Did they even ever name her? Darkscream 9:50 pm *Turns to Blaster.* I do. I might not be one of Amal' offspring, but I've got technology that far surpasses even our own that lets me change. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:50 pm ((seriously, did they name her?)) Chaoit 9:50 pm ....seriously? chronosmith 9:51 pm I legitimately could not tell you. Darkscream 9:51 pm *Nods.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:51 pm I cannot remember either. Kelpy 9:51 pm PLot twist this is where he dies. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:51 pm Ugh, look at that disgusting little man. Chaoit 9:51 pm That's...kinda amazing NoodlesAtNight 9:51 pm ((maria.)) Me 9:51 pm ((I BELIEVE I CAN FLY)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:51 pm ((uh no)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:51 pm ((THEY BROKE THE ARM)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:51 pm (( LOL)) Darkscream 9:52 pm *Laughs.* It is, isn't it? MedicalMurdersaurus 9:52 pm ((he jumped SO HARD in the past that he broke a machine IN THE FUTURE)) Chaoit 9:52 pm Like, what can it do? Kelpy 9:52 pm Are they reading his mind while he's in the memory then Darkscream 9:53 pm It's quite the all-in-one. I can travel through the slips between universes, change my appearance as a Cybertronian, and even take on the form of more organic races such as humans. I still have a solid-light holoform though for when I'm in this form. Kelpy 9:54 pm //and what's that in english MedicalMurdersaurus 9:54 pm ((OMFG)) Darkscream 9:54 pm [pffff eff that guy] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:55 pm ((I don't know shit)) Me 9:55 pm ((if they can do all this--look up the date in the DNA, sync it to his mind, read his mind while he's synced to his ancestor's DNA save file--why can't they just... read the save file. wouldn't that be a lot easier than getting a living dude to play through it.)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:55 pm ((seriously)) Chaoit 9:55 pm That's....wow. That's a lot of things it can do. opatoes 9:55 pm ((they just enjoy LARPing)) chronosmith 9:55 pm *perks up* Why couldn't we get a movie about this guy? He's got so much more charisma. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:55 pm I know, right? NoodlesAtNight 9:55 pm ((there was some reason or other i heard once for not being able to do the direct reading but i forget it)) Darkscream 9:56 pm Mhm. It was created by a Genome, whom really was the definition of a "mad" scientist. Chaoit 9:56 pm A what? opatoes 9:56 pm I wish I had genes. My legs get really cold sometimes! SCProwl 9:56 pm ((I'm fairly certain they explain they get most of the data as it's re-experienced. unless it's something like in historical records or whatever, so they can't just read the save file as it were ((in the games anyway, the movie skips some explanations obviously Kelpy 9:56 pm //will we ever know whqt he said in arabic and what they're chanting Darkscream 9:57 pm A Genome. Think of a blonde human with a monkey tail, but he's not human SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:57 pm ((will the rest of this movie involve the historical assassin larp I care about is the queeeeeeeee oh wow fuck it up dude)) chronosmith 9:57 pm ((EEEEY)) ((bless u for that ref darskscream. Best one i n the series)) Kelpy 9:57 pm //i laughed chronosmith 9:57 pm ((... darskscream.)) Darkscream 9:57 pm [😀 ? Darkscream 9:58 pm [Me talking about Genomes, eh? Kelpy 9:58 pm //the ff9 ref chronosmith 9:58 pm ((yes |3c)) Kelpy 9:58 pm //my first ffffff Chaoit 9:58 pm ....huh chronosmith 9:58 pm So does... that mean they're related, or...? Kelpy 9:58 pm //i also then spent a decade looking for a copy after my dad sold his copy when i was like 12 ghnghvn Chaoit 9:58 pm Sounds....silly Darkscream 9:59 pm [I am a neeeeeerd who loves their references and hybrids of gaming. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:59 pm ((Who would have thought that letting a bunch of people with nothing to lose relive their badass assassin ancestor's life experiences would end poorly for you?)) opatoes 10:00 pm ... I wish I had cool ancestors. Darkscream 10:00 pm Sounds silly, but he's extremely smart. Liked to think if you caught his tail he'd pass out. It was honestly cute. spent a lot of his time in a mushroom. MedicalMurdersaurus 10:00 pm What "ancestor" mean? chronosmith 10:00 pm It's a biological thing. opatoes 10:00 pm The bots that raised the bots that raised you! And so on Kelpy 10:00 pm Does he need to be shirtless Chaoit 10:00 pm Huh opatoes 10:01 pm Yes SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:01 pm ((fuck em up lady)) chronosmith 10:01 pm That was the most hilarious *air quote claws* "Security Guard" rush I've ever seen. opatoes 10:01 pm If he didn't, he'd die from heat stroke or something, I think? Me 10:01 pm ((i kind of feel like "nothing is true and everything is permitted" is more the kind of philosophy that leads to redpill MRAs than to badass diverse assassins that challenge the church and protect free will.)) MedicalMurdersaurus 10:01 pm ((to be fair, taking off clothes in a sword fight back in the day was a good way to avoid getting fibers in a stab wound and dying of infection)) Chaoit 10:01 pm Well, I don't doubt the smart part, considering what he made for you NoodlesAtNight 10:01 pm ((if i am glad for One Thing about this movie it is that we get at least a decent variety of people being the assassins in modern day)) Darkscream 10:01 pm I came from a very strange place. John was one of the more normal things. I had Tyrannids running around, Zerg causing havoc, Orks being badass, and even some Protoss. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:01 pm *the dragon perks up* I know a protoss. NoodlesAtNight 10:01 pm ((however briefly)) Me 10:01 pm ((yes, i was very pleased to see that)) Chaoit 10:02 pm ....come again? chronosmith 10:02 pm ((Yeah! And subtle note, I like that there are male and female security guards who are treated equally as threats)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:02 pm Protoss. Plant creatures. He's called Byandar. Darkscream 10:02 pm M'not sure we're thinking of the same Protoss? Kelpy 10:02 pm How great would it be if all that suspense and drama and the Columbus thing was a fake out and the apple isn't there at all. chronosmith 10:02 pm Too clever for this snorefest. Darkscream 10:02 pm I lived in a very chaotic world, Blaster. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:03 pm Two, three meters tall? Come in Khalai, Nerazim, and Tal'darim varieties? Bipedal, digitigrade? Chaoit 10:03 pm I can tell Darkscream 10:03 pm Psykers. NoodlesAtNight 10:03 pm ((also re: the philosophy - it may sound like that but you _do_ get a lot of protecting people from that kind of asshole in during the games)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:03 pm Yes, that too. The "no mouths" thing does tip one off. Darkscream 10:03 pm *Whistful sigh.* I miss the Protoss. I don't miss the Nekrons... [I am mixing my games on purpose.] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:04 pm Byandar seems nice enough. Painfully shy, of course. Me 10:04 pm (("my ancestor pretended to give the apple to chistopher columbus because he knew that 600 years in the future there would be strange metal contraptions powered by electircity and witchcraft that would let them look through my ancestor's eyes to see this moment.")) Darkscream 10:04 pm Though I still have a few bottles of Slaneesh wine. Me 10:04 pm ((no no, i'm sure that they actually do protect the poor and downtrodden in the game.)) Chaoit 10:04 pm ??? Me 10:04 pm ((that just seems like the wrong philosophy for people who protect the poor and downtrodden.)) NoodlesAtNight 10:04 pm ((fair)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:04 pm Anyone who would get thrown through a wormhole and then refuse to return due to social anxiety probably has some issues, though. Darkscream 10:04 pm Wish I could meet Byandar. It's been so long since I've even seen a Protoss. chronosmith 10:05 pm (("my ancestor pretended to give the apple to christopher columbus cos chris was a massive tool even then and it was a hilarious prank)) Chaoit 10:05 pm Annnnnd you've lost me SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:05 pm ((WELL GOOD NEWS BYANBYAN IS MY OC AND U CAN MEET HIM FOR 3 POTATO)) Darkscream 10:05 pm *Grins at Blaster* Sorry. Slaneesh is a God of Chaos. One of many SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:05 pm I'll have to send you his comm frequency. He could use the conversation. Darkscream 10:05 pm [*MAKES MASHED POTOATOS* GIMME Kelpy 10:06 pm IS she having all second thoughts and regrets now. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:06 pm (( protoss-menagerie.tumblr.com , or specs6262 on discord)) Kelpy 10:06 pm Because she's still a crappy villain Darkscream 10:06 pm [follow the bbe chronosmith 10:06 pm Yeah. She's like "oh nooo, I did all these horrible things that they're twisting to take away peoples' free will!" When she's been DOING that this whole damn movie. Chaoit 10:07 pm The only God of Chaos I've talked too was drunk off his aft MedicalMurdersaurus 10:07 pm ((she is not cool enuogh for that quote)) Darkscream 10:07 pm Yeah they're not /our/ gods... Kelpy 10:07 pm Didn't she like. KNow fro the START this was the plan Darkscream 10:07 pm You'd be more afraid of them than you would of Unicron. chronosmith 10:07 pm ((if we're talking about a speech about free will I can think of a line OFF THE TOP OF MY HAND that is better than that)) ((...head)) Chaoit 10:08 pm ....wonderful Just what I needed to hear Darkscream 10:08 pm Though some are just so sweet if you can stand them. Not many though. chronosmith 10:08 pm ((any one of the "falls the shadow" refrains from TS Elliot's The Hollow Men)) Darkscream 10:08 pm You don't want to meet Tzeentch unless you want to go crazy or smack him in the faces. Darkscream 10:09 pm [hnn I need to catch up on the Emperor MedicalMurdersaurus 10:09 pm ((SO I have a question. I don't know if the games answer this but, in this movie, the Apple has a complete genetic roadmap for humanity in it. Okay. I'll buy that. So why did anyone hundreds of years ago care? Even if they were super smart enough to understand genes somehow, that wouldn't be ACTIONABLE knowledge. It'd just be a fun fact.)) chronosmith 10:09 pm *exaggerated gagging noises* Chaoit 10:09 pm ..... yeah, you're not helping with that Kelpy 10:10 pm God don't romance them they'd be terrible together NoodlesAtNight 10:10 pm ((in game the apples do way, way more)) Darkscream 10:10 pm *Laughs* Just be glad you're not anywhere near Warhammer. NoodlesAtNight 10:10 pm ((from wiki: "The Apples were designed to be able to project images, conjure realistic illusions, and even turn thought into reality; hence, they were used by many great rulers throughout history, proving the efficacy of their powers")) opatoes 10:10 pm just snag it from him and eat it NoodlesAtNight 10:11 pm ((this movie is like... a gross simplification of the whole all the explanations)) Darkscream 10:11 pm How sharp was that dagger... Me 10:11 pm ((why don't the assassins, like... smash the apple)) Chaoit 10:11 pm I am chronosmith 10:11 pm Damn right you did, idiot. Kelpy 10:12 pm Don't take credit for someone else's work You're not even cool enough to do it Chaoit 10:12 pm That place sounds terrifying NoodlesAtNight 10:12 pm ((and also uhhhh where is it. "Apples also contained knowledge of technologies used by the Isu. Like many other Pieces, they were able to "communicate" with people, showing them the schematics necessary to make the technology and transferring knowledge about the manufacturing of the shown devices.[9] A good example of this was Leonardo da Vinci, who studied one of the Apples and invented four war machines, and several other weapons of technology far beyond his own time.")) ((why they didn't smash them is beyond me)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:12 pm Smokescreen, I think the Apple is metal. Human teeth do not eat metal. chronosmith 10:12 pm Man. this movie is so bad I can't even get into her revenge subplot. Primus. Kelpy 10:12 pm So. She let him go knowing he'd likely kill her dad, now she wants revenge? Darkscream 10:12 pm *Finishes off her drink that she's been nursing all night. A good drink was best savored.* Kelpy 10:12 pm What happened to that sudden spate of regret SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:13 pm I can't even remember her name, either. opatoes 10:13 pm Well, they could learn to eat metal! SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:13 pm ... opatoes 10:13 pm Isn't that how they get their genetic traits in this movie? Darkscream 10:13 pm And we'll never get another movie in this line because it was /boring/. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:13 pm Smokescreen please never have organic teeth. opatoes 10:13 pm I really hope I never do! Chaoit 10:13 pm Is it over? opatoes 10:13 pm I don't want my teeth to fall out Darkscream 10:13 pm Almost it seems. Dragging it out. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:13 pm I hope it's over. Chaoit 10:14 pm Sheeesh chronosmith 10:14 pm It was also ugly. Like, it felt like a chore for my damn eye. opatoes 10:14 pm 15 minutes of credits? SOUNDWAVE SOUNDWAVE JUPITER ASCENDING MedicalMurdersaurus 10:14 pm *YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWNNNSSS* chronosmith 10:14 pm ((SMOKEY NOOOOo)) Darkscream 10:14 pm [BEE] chronosmith 10:14 pm ((you're going to kill us)) Me 10:14 pm ((LORD i've never seen jupiter ascending but i kinda wanna)) ((HEY HEY BEE TRAILER BEE TRAILER)) opatoes 10:14 pm ((honestly i had a lot of fun watching it! opatoes 10:15 pm ((it's a visually nice movie i will say! Me 10:15 pm ((good action sequences)) opatoes 10:15 pm ((bees Darkscream 10:15 pm [pffft NoodlesAtNight 10:15 pm ((time marker: 10:35.)) chronosmith 10:15 pm ((I went in with lowered expectations and all it did was frustrate me at every turn. A few good ideas scattered in a mess of a movie)) Chaoit 10:15 pm ..... chronosmith 10:15 pm ((the reptile alien was cool tho)) opatoes 10:16 pm Oh! I have some useless inventions chronosmith 10:16 pm *peers* MedicalMurdersaurus 10:16 pm Bird. Me Swoop sleeeeeepy. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:16 pm *the dragon stretches out* I should head on back. Goodnight, Soundwave, Ravage, Whirl, everyone! NoodlesAtNight 10:16 pm [[Goodnight.]] chronosmith 10:16 pm Seeya, dragon. Darkscream 10:16 pm Human stupidity never ceases to amaze me. [specs, the bebbeh Chaoit 10:16 pm What...the.... MedicalMurdersaurus 10:17 pm *blink blinks slowly* opatoes 10:17 pm ... Soundwave, do you know any buts who could hug me? I really don't feel good shrinking and growing all the time, and I want to be back to normal. Kelpy 10:17 pm //i dunno, butterone could be useful for disabled people with hand problems from nerve damage or something Kelpy 10:17 pm //specifically, those unable to use knivves chronosmith 10:17 pm agreed)) Darkscream 10:17 pm [I had a pet rock Me 10:17 pm ((USB pet rock is the most hilarious thing I've ever seen)) chronosmith 10:17 pm ((ALSO AGREED)) NoodlesAtNight 10:18 pm [[...Tarantulas has many arms?]] *He doesn't know who does hugs. He doesn't do hugs.* chronosmith 10:18 pm ((how dare you this is an AMAZING INVENTION)) MedicalMurdersaurus 10:18 pm *streeeeeeeeeeetches his arms and wings* chronosmith 10:18 pm ...well, Ravage. opatoes 10:18 pm True! True, I'll have to ask him. He gives really, really good hugs, too. NoodlesAtNight 10:18 pm =Do and die.= chronosmith 10:18 pm When are you going to get a fabulous do? Darkscream 10:18 pm *Laughs.* NoodlesAtNight 10:18 pm *Rumble points at the baby mop.* //I wanna do that.// chronosmith 10:19 pm Pfft, I'M not going to do anything. I know nothing about fashion. I mean, seriously. *gestures to all of him* Does this look like a mech who knows FASHION? NoodlesAtNight 10:19 pm //Looks fun as frag. Wigglin' across the floor to clean it.// Chaoit 10:19 pm Anyway chronosmith 10:19 pm PFFT. Well. I mean. *snickers* One way to get Dancitron clean. Oh, oh, get this one, Ravage! Kelpy 10:19 pm I mean, doesn't look that bad??? a personal tv would be cool NoodlesAtNight 10:19 pm [[You look fashionable to him.]] Darkscream 10:19 pm M'yes, Blaster? opatoes 10:19 pm ... Give me the hat wig chronosmith 10:20 pm I question your judgment, in that case, Soundwave. But thanks. Chaoit 10:20 pm So, the thing can do quite a few things Darkscream 10:20 pm Aye? MedicalMurdersaurus 10:20 pm *slumps forward until he's folded over like he's melting mid-yoga pose* chronosmith 10:20 pm (dbnesjf THE ARMLESS ONE)) opatoes 10:20 pm .... I want one Darkscream 10:21 pm *Shrieks in laughter suddenly.* Me 10:21 pm ((okay the velcro remote control headband is the most hilarious-looking thing i've ever seen)) NoodlesAtNight 10:21 pm ((this one beats it)) chronosmith 10:21 pm *outright laughing* Chaoit 10:22 pm So, you said it allows you to change into quite a few things? Darkscream 10:22 pm *Trying to stop laughing first to talk.* Many things. NoodlesAtNight 10:23 pm *BANANAS.* Kelpy 10:23 pm //bana slicer is actually a disability tool NoodlesAtNight 10:23 pm [[...This looks useful.]] chronosmith 10:23 pm ((SOUNDWAVE'S WEAPON OF CHOICE)) Me 10:23 pm ((A WEAPON TO USE AGAINST YOUR ENEMIES SOUNDWAVE)) ((oh the zigzag one is cute)) NoodlesAtNight 10:23 pm ((i honestly like things that slice things for me)) Chaoit 10:23 pm ......... Kelpy 10:23 pm //like it's legit created and marketed for those with disabilityes involing their hands Me 10:24 pm ((i believe it. it looks like an actual disability aid)) NoodlesAtNight 10:24 pm ((that's good!! and very very useful)) ((chopping things is nervewracking when you've got shaky hands, at the very least)) Chaoit 10:24 pm How often have you needed to use it, though? chronosmith 10:24 pm ((yeah, a lot of "useless" infomercial stuff is specifically designed as tools for folks with disabilities!)) Kelpy 10:24 pm //i read an article earlier and they quoted the company who makes it and yeah, it's a legitmiately marked disability aid for those who've had strokes, or the elderly with shaking hands. the sock puller upper is ALSO a disability tool chronosmith 10:24 pm Spin the bottle? MedicalMurdersaurus 10:25 pm *starts breathign deeply* NoodlesAtNight 10:25 pm ((i have never seen these videos so i apologize if more disability aids get into them, i am mostly curious about stuff like this electric spin the bottle rubbish)) MedicalMurdersaurus 10:25 pm *is now a one dino-pile* Darkscream 10:25 pm More often than you'd think. I've traveled quite often through the multiverse... and I think Swoop passed out. chronosmith 10:25 pm ((You're good neddles! I know you'd give a much more tasteful commentary if it was you <3 )) Kelpy 10:25 pm //lmao i've never seen them either but yeah a lot of the useless invention videos include them bc people don't realize that's what they are Kelpy 10:25 pm //alsio i would absolutely like a portable microwave MedicalMurdersaurus 10:26 pm *is passed out* Kelpy 10:26 pm Is Swoop okay Darkscream 10:26 pm *Finds Swoop sleeping absolutely adorable.* Chaoit 10:26 pm Um... He's out NoodlesAtNight 10:26 pm ((oh my god)) Kelpy 10:26 pm //dfbfgb opatoes 10:26 pm that. that bot is going to start a revolution Darkscream 10:27 pm [hey look chronosmith 10:27 pm *looks at his feet* I've never tried socks. Obviously. I don't think it'd work out. opatoes 10:27 pm Socks are pretty cozy! They don't work well for us, though. Me 10:27 pm ((eyyy, speaking of actual disability aids. there was a post about a version of this on tumblr a while ago)) NoodlesAtNight 10:27 pm ((oh?)) Me 10:27 pm ((OH MY GOD)) Kelpy 10:27 pm //yeah that's the article i learned the banana slicer was a disability aid opatoes 10:28 pm ..... can I put this on me Me 10:28 pm ((the abhancer)) MedicalMurdersaurus 10:28 pm *is going to keep on zzzzing until he is done napping or until Bird wants him to zzzz somewhere else* chronosmith 10:28 pm ((amazin)) Darkscream 10:28 pm Soundwave, is Swoop alright sleeping like that? NoodlesAtNight 10:28 pm [[We'll move him in seven minutes.]] Me 10:28 pm ((oh yeah this one definitely is too)) Kelpy 10:29 pm //yeah lmao. Chaoit 10:29 pm ((yup Darkscream 10:29 pm [cleaning that though has to be a bit iffy opatoes 10:29 pm ((yeahhh like... so many of these products for "lazy" people are just... Kelpy 10:29 pm //gotta wonder if anyone's ever been told after posting one of these videos that all their lazy video items are actually disability aids NoodlesAtNight 10:29 pm ((.....i'm sorta looking at this going "want this, want that, want this")) Kelpy 10:29 pm //same?? NoodlesAtNight 10:30 pm ((let's just enjoy the products)) chronosmith 10:30 pm ((o7)) Kelpy 10:30 pm //frankly i'd like an auto cat scooper lmao Darkscream 10:30 pm [Cat is kind of BAD for your health, so, this is a good thing [....AND THENTHIS MedicalMurdersaurus 10:30 pm ((We used to have an electric literbox. Let me tell you what, that thing was FAR more work than just a normal one.)) Kelpy 10:30 pm //unsurprising Me 10:30 pm ((... did the sound go out or did my headphones, like, spontaneously stop working?)) Kelpy 10:31 pm //we turned off sound lmao chronosmith 10:31 pm ((Neddles muted the annoying announcer)) NoodlesAtNight 10:31 pm ((i muted it cause i was tired of him calling them all lazy)) Me 10:31 pm ((oh okay good)) ((might wanna turn the caps off too)) chronosmith 10:31 pm ((i have one image for u neddles))

NoodlesAtNight 10:31 pm ((WHAT IN GOD'S NAME)) chronosmith 10:31 pm ((i owe you my life)) Darkscream 10:32 pm [WAT Chaoit 10:32 pm ((YIKES NoodlesAtNight 10:32 pm ((AUTOMATIC SCISSORS!!!)) ((yes please)) chronosmith 10:32 pm Borg hammock(( Darkscream 10:32 pm [Good for long cloth I'd bet, but not shorter work Me 10:32 pm ((hahaha the bike burger holder)) Me 10:33 pm ((im digging it)) Chaoit 10:33 pm Humans are weird Me 10:33 pm ((graze at your burger like a horse with a feed sack)) Darkscream 10:33 pm [I'm hungry now. I should of eaten earlier cause I need to take my pill opatoes 10:33 pm ((i remember this one video series i saw a bit of that looked at some of those from tv things and tried them out and suggested similar enough alternatives? that was fairly interesting ngl MedicalMurdersaurus 10:33 pm ((Okay. I'm going to go to bed. Feel free to physically move Swoop around or just leave him be. Honestly, y'all just have fun with him ragdolling around XD)) NoodlesAtNight 10:33 pm ((rest well!)) Chaoit 10:33 pm ((that's asking for it to spring itself into someone Darkscream 10:33 pm [Nini! opatoes 10:34 pm ((nini!! Darkscream 10:34 pm [COOKIE chronosmith 10:34 pm *streeetches* All right, I'm out. Seeya, losers. *bobs his head to the room in general* You too, Rumble. *additional bob, and then a moment where he gives an exaggerated "hmmm" face. it's very convincing* And you, too, Frenzy. opatoes 10:34 pm coooooookie NoodlesAtNight 10:34 pm *Soundwave stretches.* [[All right. He should close down for the night.]] Me 10:34 pm ((*grabs swoop by the butt and shakes him to watch all his limbs flail*)) opatoes 10:34 pm Awww. Do you need any help finishing off drinks for the night? Me 10:34 pm ((that's the only way to play with ragdolls)) NoodlesAtNight 10:34 pm //Seeya, Whirl. I'll head with ya next time?// \\OOH OOH, ME TOO.\\ Kelpy 10:34 pm Welp, I should definitely get back. Oh! Did you remember to pick up your octopus? Chaoit 10:34 pm Yeah. I should be heading back home too chronosmith 10:34 pm Sure thing! *salutes* You two're always welcome. Darkscream 10:35 pm *Gets up and rolls her shoulders.* Was nice to see you again, Blaster. NoodlesAtNight 10:35 pm [[He will pick the octopus up shortly.]] Kelpy 10:35 pm Alright. I'll go get it ready to go then. Night! opatoes 10:35 pm ... Actually- wait, did I ever give you that octopus I got, Soundwave? Chaoit 10:35 pm Nice to see you in a less dangerous situation NoodlesAtNight 10:35 pm [[You did not.]] *...Is he about to get TWO?* Chaoit 10:35 pm Good night! opatoes 10:35 pm ... Do you want to come by later and maybe get the covenant and read the octopus? I mean. NoodlesAtNight 10:35 pm [[Goodnight, those of you leaving. Blaster.]] Darkscream 10:35 pm Night Blaster. Get home safe. *Wings twitch.* Octopuses? opatoes 10:35 pm I need to rest, but you know what I mean. NoodlesAtNight 10:36 pm [[That sounds fine.]] Me 10:36 pm ((READ THE OCTOPUS, SOUNDWAVE)) Chaoit 10:36 pm -waves and is soon gone- Me 10:36 pm ((TELL US WHAT IT THINKS)) NoodlesAtNight 10:36 pm *HE'S GONNA* chronosmith 10:36 pm ((DISCOVER ITS SECRETS)) opatoes 10:36 pm ((DON'T GET THE COVENANT THOUGH!! NO STEALING!! NoodlesAtNight 10:36 pm [[Yes. Octopuses made their way into the multiverse mechs' hands. He is going to find a home for them.]] *Here. The home is here.* ((TOO LATE YOU SAID HE COULD)) opatoes 10:36 pm ((smokescreen will cry that's like. the closest remaining connection he has to some of his mentors NoodlesAtNight 10:37 pm ((fine fine he'll be good)) opatoes 10:37 pm ((also he'll tell megatron Darkscream 10:37 pm *Makes a little trill-like sound.* Really now? I guess the grays have been active handing out the little guys. NoodlesAtNight 10:38 pm [[These things go around. It was protoforms, last time.]] [[But, he must close. Tanks won't set themselves up.]] Darkscream 10:38 pm *Looks at Swoop passed out then back over.* Need any help? opatoes 10:38 pm ... Can I help set up the tanks? What kind of things do you do for these long-term tanks? NoodlesAtNight 10:39 pm [[No, no. The twins can carry him. He's only going to Laserbeak's quarters anyway. She will keep an eye on him until he wakes.]] [[And he would prefer to set the tanks up himself, but thank you.]] *Doesn't want anyone to see That Room Upstairs.* opatoes 10:39 pm Fair enough! Night, Soundwave. See you later. NoodlesAtNight 10:39 pm *They'll question why there's a whole Earth style habitat up there.* NoodlesAtNight 10:40 pm [[Goodnight.]] opatoes 10:40 pm /Hey Smokescreen's got no room to judge, he's got a greenhouse!/ Darkscream 10:40 pm Ah, Laserbeak. I didn't want to assume if it was her or Buzzsaw. NoodlesAtNight 10:40 pm [[It is her. Buzzsaw is... reclusive.]] Darkscream 10:41 pm That's a shame. *Shakes her helm.* I miss the minicons from my world. It's nice to see they're alive and well here though. NoodlesAtNight 10:42 pm [[Quite. 327 in just this area.]] Darkscream 10:42 pm *Wings perk up.* Really? NoodlesAtNight 10:42 pm [[Yes. We are quite a happy settlement.]] NoodlesAtNight 10:43 pm [[But, again. It is past hours. If you require a place to stay, he offers to connect you to a mech in New Praxus or New Kaon, as you prefer.]] Darkscream 10:44 pm Ah, right. Sorry, Soundwave. I'll be fine finding someplace in the outdoors if I'm not intruding on some territory. Might go check out the Rust Sea before settling in for the night. NoodlesAtNight 10:45 pm [[As you wish. Be careful. He does not want police at his door asking about your remnants.]] *He only wants police at his door if they're there for very different things.* Darkscream 10:46 pm Thanks for the warning, but I'll be fine. If an army of Nekrons can't kill me.. Oh. Before I go... NoodlesAtNight 10:46 pm [[Yes?]] Darkscream 10:48 pm *Goes into subspace for something.* Where did I... *Her arm goes nearly all the way in as the grumbles about pockets. Grins and pulls out a plastic box.* If you're going to get some octopuses soon, you'll want these. If they're the big variety, this is vacuum packed shark. Little ones. I run into a lot of species out there. NoodlesAtNight 10:49 pm *Soundwave takes the box with a feeler and gives it a suspicious glance before setting it onto a couch nearby. If it's going to blow up before he can scan it, better the couch than him.* [[Thank you.]] Darkscream 10:50 pm *Not going to blow up. Understands the caution.* Hope I get to visit again. Thanks for the drink, Ravage! *Waves and heads out the door.* NoodlesAtNight 10:51 pm *Nods after her and motions for the twins to take Swoop upstairs. He'll be along in a moment, himself. Work to do!*

[thathopelessromantic]

The Things We Don’t Understand

Fandom: Homestuck Pairing: John Egbert x Dave Strider  Raiting: T+ Note: AU,  In honor of 4/13, I don’t have time to write anything new until the end of the semester but I haven’t posted all of my hs on my tumblr yet so here you go

Your name is Dave Strider and there are very few things in this world that you don’t understand. Unfortunately for you, one of those things happens to be your very best friend-John Egbert. Like you, John is an enigma. Unlike you, who seems to baffle everyone you interact with save for John and your siblings, the only person who seems baffled by John is well…you.

Otherwise known as, in which the title and summary both make this story sound way more serious that it actually is or ever was supposed to be.

AO3: (x)

--> Your name is Dave Strider and there are very few things in this world that you don’t understand. Unfortunately for you, one of those things happens to be your very best friend-John Egbert. Like you, John is an enigma. Unlike you, who seems to baffle everyone you interact with save for John and your siblings, the only person who seems baffled by John is well…you.

It wasn’t as if you completely lacked any type of understanding of your best bro. It’s just that after all these years of friendship there were some aspects of John Egdork that you still could not fully comprehend.

You understand John’s likes and interests. You don’t quite know why they’re John’s interests but you know them and have come to appreciate the part of John they represent. You know that at least 70% of the time, John has poor character judgement and tries to befriend all sorts of whack-jobs. You know what John likes about and values of himself and even more what he doesn’t-though some of his insecurities still seem absolutely nuts to you.

But you can’t seem to understand the boundless amounts of energy the kid seems to have. Or how he almost never allows the smile to falter from his lips. It is frustratingly bizarre how blue his eyes are when you literally wear shades 98% of the time you are with him regardless of conditions or locations and all colors should have been muted by your tinted glasses.

And for the love of God, you could not figure out how someone whose entire life consisted of sitting in front of a gaming system, pranking people, and playing the piano could possess the choicest ass you had ever seen either side of Mississippi but he did. You had a pretty slammin’ hot bod yourself, not to be too vain, but you worked for yours dammit. Strifing took a lot of effort. John though-it was like the fucking Puberty Fairy came and gifted him with perfect…everything and then just got the hell out of dodge.

--> Your name is John Egbert and by this point it is no secret that your best bro has been “subtly” checking you out for the past few weeks. The only question was why. You tried bringing it up with Dave himself but he quickly dismissed it as your imagination and changed the subject.

Part of you was frustrated (sexually mostly) by Dave’s weird actions. Another part was a tiny bit thrilled. Most of your friends and schoolmates were familiar with your constant mantra of “not a homosexual” when you were thirteen. Then the past summer you had to go with some estranged great-uncle you had never heard of before, per your dad’s insistence, to help him out around his place. When you came back for the start of the new school year you were surprised to find Dave in the beginnings of something with a mutual friend you could have sworn was interested in someone else when you left. Strangely you found yourself deeply irritated by their new closeness and after many late-night, long-lasting “feeling jams” (as Dave called them) with one of your good friends Rose, the two of you came to one simple conclusion. You had some very deep homosexual-or at the very least bisexual-feelings towards your best bro and you had been jealous as hell.

You were less jealous now as you and Dave slowly fell back into your old routine and Karkat seemed less and less actually romantically interested in Dave. But recently Dave’s been acting really weird and though you usually can’t see his eyes behind his shades you can feel them on you a lot more than they ever were before.

You’re determined to figure out what’s going on but it’s become pretty obvious you’re going to have to do it all on your own. Dave of course acts like there is nothing going on and the only other one who might have any idea what’s going on is Rose. And you know better than to ask her for help with this kind of stuff.

--> Your name is Dave Strider and unfortunately, you’re at school. It’s your lunch hour which is slightly less painful that the rest of the school day but you still don’t want to be here. When you enter the lunch room you’re not surprised to see John already at the usual table alone. Though his back is to you and you tend to walk rather quietly, it’s like he has a sensor or something and can feel your presence. When you’re about half-way to the table John turns around and meets your eye. His eyes are still an unsettling bright shade of blue and when he sees that it’s you he smiles like you just made his day. You’re a Strider and Strider hearts don’t flutter especially at dorky buck-toothed smiles, but they just might skip a beat or two when caught off guard.

“Hey Dave!” John greets you like you hadn’t just seen each other two class periods ago but you can’t ever seem to be even a little bothered by his unbridled enthusiasm.

“Sup?” You give your usual greeting and slide onto the seat next to him.

“How was history?” John asks. It’s one of the few classes the two of you don’t share. You give a noncommittal shrug. You slept through most of it and John knows that but he always asks anyways. Before John can ask you anything else the table starts to fill with your other friends and John turns to greet them. Part of you wants to grab John and make him turn his attention back to you but you resign from doing something quite so embarrassing and sit there in silence, nodding hello to those who greet you as they sit down. John scoots his chair closer to you to make more room for whoever is sitting on the other side of him and you tense. The two of you are in completely different chairs but you can feel John’s entire thigh flush against your own and before you can even think about moving away from him before you do something stupid Terezi shoves a chair between you and Karkat, who’s arrival you’re not sure how you missed, leaving you absolutely nowhere to go. When you look up Rose is watching you and smiling like this was all part of her evil plan and everything is going just swimmingly. Sometimes you really hate your twin. When John finishes his greetings and whatever brief conversation he was having with Jade, he turns back around to look at you.

“Dave, are you cold?” John asks like he cannot believe how someone could be cold in the middle of April. Well it’s not your fault you’re originally from Texas and this damn school thinks it’s a good idea to blast the AC from the beginning of March to the end of the school year regardless of the temperature outside. Honestly you can feel your body heating up under John’s scrutiny and from how close he is to you but you’re not surprised that he’s asking with his leg pressed against yours. That boy is like a goddamn space heater.

“It’s fucking freezing in here, Egbert, of course I’m cold.” You complain, shifting in your seat. Somehow you manage to press your leg even closer to his and you try not to let your surprise show through on your face. John gives you a once over, taking in your skinny jeans and sweat shirt. He’s already changed out his jeans and sweaters for shorts and t-shirts and it’s not even to the sixties yet. You so don’t get this kid.

--> Your name is John Egbert and you might just be being a little bit mean now.

You hadn’t intended to spend your last three classes of the day purposely trying to get a rise out of Dave but that’s how it was turning out. You were blaming the behavior on what happened at lunch. You and Dave were best bros, there were lots of times when there was some totally platonic, full-on physical contact and yet you had never noticed him tense up like he did today at lunch. Normally Dave was totally cool and collected but for some reason today he got very easily flustered. He even stuttered a few times which he only ever did when he was super embarrassed or nervous. Honestly you found it kind of adorable but considering Dave would probably want to kick your ass if he heard that you never said anything about it.

But now it’s last hour, math class, and though Dave is in the seat in front of you, you can tell he’s embarrassed. First of all he’s blushing. All the way to the tips of his ears, which really is the only reason you can tell. He’s also tense, sitting a little more forward in his seat than he normally would. And lastly he still hasn’t responded to your note.  The two of you had been passing notes for the better half of the class you last passed one to him nearly ten minutes ago and still haven’t received a response.

You were a little worried you had taken it too far. You knew Dave wasn’t entirely heterosexual, though he had never claimed a specific sexuality, but he didn’t know you were anything but just that. You didn’t want him to think you were just making fun of him. Good-natured teasing was one thing but it was just wrong if you actually hurt or bothered Dave. You also thought that maybe you were reading things wrong. Just because you wanted Dave to be interested in you didn’t mean he actually was and you’d rather pine from afar than screw up your friendship with your best bro.

The little paper square you and Dave had been passing notes on hits you square on the nose. Dave must have thrown in back while you were lost in thought. Trying not to be too obvious about it you unfold the paper a little too eagerly. The two of you had been discussing you hanging out at Dave’s over the weekend. It wasn’t an odd conversation; most weekends were spent together at your place or his. Discussing it seemed more like a formality than anything. You quickly scanned over the page, filled with sloppy blue and red chicken scratch to make sure Dave hadn’t gone back to an earlier point in the conversation and made a new comment. He did that sometimes. He also sometimes started drawing right over his words so that you had to convince him to rewrite whatever he was trying to say somewhere else so you could actually read it. And started random raps along the margins of the page. Everything seemed to be as it was when you sent the note so you finally look down to the bottom of the page where you really want to read. Your last message sticks out in oddly dark letters.

awesome! it’s a date! :)

Dave’s bright red, slightly-neater response is under it. You almost don’t want to look but your desire to read it is stronger.

you bet your ass it is gonna be the best damn date ever ill rock your fucking socks off egbert

You smiled, folding the paper back up and sliding it into your pocket. What were you thinking? This was Dave you were talking about. How could you be worried?

-->Your name is Dave Strider and you’re fairly certain strifing with your brother while avoiding his fucking puppets, Rose’s way too personal questions, and Roxy’s overly-affectionate behavior when she’s intoxicated all together is less taxing than having an extremely attractive, bizarrely happy, painfully straight best friend.

The school bell rang ten minutes ago. It’s Friday. You’re done with school for the week. Your best friend is coming over to spend the weekend with you. You should be excited. Instead you’re…nervous? You try to tell yourself Striders don’t get nervous but you’re really starting to think you are.

John’s walking a few feet ahead of you, chatting with Jade and Rose. He’s not concerned. He’s used to you dragging behind. You kind of think you should pick up the pace and walk with them so that you’re not in the prime position to be starting at his ass but you can’t bring yourself to move any faster. It’s John’s idea of warm outside so he’s in baggy khaki shorts instead of the tight jeans he wore all winter so there shouldn’t even be something remotely interesting about his backside but it’s like the image of John’s toned derriere in that dark denim is seared into your brain and you just can’t help but stare at it now. You consider the fact that you may need psychological help if your obsession with your best bro’s rear-end continues much longer. But you dismiss the thought a moment later. You know what your problem is and going to a professional-or Rose-would just be a waste of everyone’s time because you would all come to the same conclusion you had reached months ago when he came back from his great-uncle’s place tanned and toned and tall and gorgeous.

You have it bad for your best bro and it’s just getting worse as time passes. It doesn’t help that John hasn’t dated anyone, or even really shown interest in anyone, since he broke up with his freaky girlfriend Vriska in sophomore year and he recently has been way more…physical with you. But you have a bad feeling that even if neither of those things were true, you would still be just as far gone.

The three of them reach your beat-up pick-up truck and stop to wait for you. John digs out his car keys from his pocket and turns them over to Jade who would drive his car home. They were next door neighbors and John always gave her rides to school. She always drove his car home when John stays at your place unless it’s a big shindig with the whole group. Rose usually drove your truck home when you went to John’s. You finally catch up with them and all say your goodbyes. Your truck only has a single bench seat in the cab so you, John, and Rose all throw your bags in the bed of the truck and squeeze yourselves into the cab, Rose in the middle of you and John because she’s the smallest. Part of you almost wishes Rose wasn’t with you. The other part of you is glad Rose is there to keep you from doing something stupid before the weekend even starts.

The drive from the school to the house where you and your three siblings live isn’t too long. Upon arrival Rose immediately retreats into her bedroom, requesting not to be disturbed, and you and John claim the couch. If Roxy and Dirk are home, there isn’t a sign of them.

You and John waste no time starting what will most likely be a weekend-long “gaming extravaganza” (John’s dad coined the term back when the two of you were freshman and for some unexplainable reason it stuck) and for the most part you could ignore your usually painfully obvious crush on your best friend. Even with John’s entire side pressing intimately against your own so that you’re not only stealing some of his over abundant body heat but you can also feel every little vibration when he speaks or laughs you can pretend for a while you’re not seriously lusting over the big dweeb.

It has to be close to seven o’clock when Dirk appears, seemingly out of nowhere, to stand in front of the television, blocking specifically your view, and asks if the two of you want pizza for dinner. Normally you’re suspicious of Dirk offering up food like that without any prompting but since he tends to be slightly more behaved whenever guests are over (though with how often John is over you sometimes wonder if he really counts as a guest anymore) you both give him an affirmative and he sticks around just long enough for you to lose the current round and call in the order.

Grumbling about the loss, you pause the game as John gets up to go to the bathroom. As soon as you hear the bathroom door shut Dirk reappears in the living room.

“How’s it goin’, little bro?” He asks casually, leaning against the door frame. Immediately your eyes fly to him. You know that voice. It’s his I-know-something-you-don’t-want-me-to voice.

“Whatever Rose told you is probably bullshit.” You both know your lie is about as lame as they come but for some reason that doesn’t stop you from saying it.

“He is pretty cute.” Dirk continues, as if you had just gushed to him all the details of your sorry little crush. “Shame he isn’t wearing those nice jeans anymore. Those dark wash ones with the ripped knee, I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a pair of pants cup an ass quite as nicely as those ones did save for those shorts his cousin wears.” Jake English, the only “cousin” Dirk could be talking about wasn’t really John’s cousin. He was Jade’s. But considering John and Jade were practically raised like siblings it made sense that John counted him as family. You hoped Dirk was planning to stop there but of course, probably just to torment you some more, he keeps talking. You look around the room, trying to ignore your brother. For once one of his damn creepy plush dolls isn’t hanging around. Unfortunately for you since if there had been one you would have promptly used it to smother yourself so that you no longer had to listen to your brother compliment your crush’s finer assets.

Suddenly you notice water running and realize John is almost done in the bathroom. Dirk is still rambling about his something-or-another. Your reaction? Throw the nearest thing at Dirk. It’s an empty cup and even if he hadn’t moved when you threw it, it wouldn’t have reached him but it got you the desired effect of him leaving so that didn’t matter at the moment.

John returns a moment later and smiles at you, reclaiming his seat at your side. Wordless the two of you start up the game once again. You only get through one round when the doorbell rings. You pause the game. From your position on the couch, or more accurately on the floor in front of the couch, you can only see half of your brother’s back and a small portion of the front door.

“Pizza delivery to the Strider-Lalonde Residence.” You and John can’t see the speaker but there’s no mistaking the accented voice hidden from view. The pizza delivery guy is Jake English. No wonder your brother was so willing to order you pizza. It isn’t really a secret to anyone that Dirk has a thing for Jake. Well you weren’t so sure if Jake had caught on quite yet but you at least knew your brother was as hopeless crushing on Jake as you were on John.

You and John exchange looks. One way or another, you were most definitely going to use this against Dirk.

Once Dirk keeps Jake way over the normal amount of time it would take for a simple pizza delivery, he drops off the larger of the two pizza boxes to you and John and stalks out of the room. Not wasting time with formalities or other needless things like plates the two of you dig in. You both get through about two and half pieces before disaster strikes.

You’re absorbed in the act of devouring your third slice of pizza when John swears next to you. You turn your head to see what happened. Somehow he had managed to drop his pizza into his lap, smearing sauce and grease all across the front of his shorts.

Your first reaction is to think nothing of it. Then John stands up, dropping the half-eaten slice onto the box and you can feel yourself stop breathing. You’re not quite sure if John realizes what he’s doing but there’s a hunk of half chewed dough and cheese stuck in your throat, effectively stopping any type of noise or warning from escaping as John unbuttons his shorts and wiggles out of them. In the middle of the living room. Right in front of you.

You are currently eye level with bright blue boxer-brief covered junk of your best friend and you honestly think your brain is starting to shut down.

“I’m going to go put some soap on this before it stains.” John announces like this is the most normal thing in the world and walks out of the room.

-->Your name is John Egbert and OOPS.

You are currently in the Strider-Lalonde residence laundry room trying not to panic. You don’t know what you were thinking, just stripping in the middle of the living room like that other than that you weren’t thinking. There was most definitely such a thing as “too comfortable” with someone or somewhere. Sure this wasn’t the first time Dave had seen you in your underwear but who just strips in the middle of their best friend’s living room? And you hadn’t even thought about your positions. Maybe if you hadn’t glanced down at Dave while you were in the living room it wouldn’t have occurred to you but you did and now you can’t seem to get the image of your best bro’s flushed face level with your crotch out of your mind.

You want to crawl in a hole and hide until, hopefully, Dave forgets the entire incident. Or drown yourself in the rinse cycle of the washing machine. Both sound like entirely reasonable options.

The door to the basement opens and you turn, horrified, to find Dirk climbing up the stairs. The older Strider takes one look at you, puts the pizza box he was carrying on the edge of the trash can, and promptly turns around and walks back downstairs. You feel your cheeks grow even hotter. Wonderful. Now exactly half of the household has seen you without pants on.

Grumbling and cursing to yourself for your own stupidity you start searching for stain remover.

Not a full minute passes before you hear a surprised, distinctly feminine “Oh.” from the doorway. You turn, but you’re pretty sure you already know who’s there.

Sure enough, Rose is standing, half in the hallway half in the laundry room, with a laundry basket cradled against her hip. Well shit. Might as well call Roxy down to the laundry room just to make sure she’s not feeling left out.

“This is an interesting new look for you John.” Rose finally breaks the silence, stepping fully into the room and giving you a small, knowing smile as if she’s already figured out exactly what happened.

Instead of acknowledging her comment you look back at the cluttered shelf above the washer and dryer with a small noise of complaint. “Do you have any stain remover?”

Taking pity on you, Rose puts down her basket and pushes around some bottles until she finds a dark blue one that proclaims ‘STAIN REMOVER’ in big white letters. You lamely offer to help but Rose brushes your offer off and very efficiently preps your shorts to be washed.

“I can put them in the next white load.” Rose says simply, laying them out over the top of the dryer and returning to her basket to bring it closer to the washer. “They’ll be clean and wearable before you leave tomorrow.”

“Thank you Rose you’re a life saver.” You sort of want to hug Rose but decide against it. It’s already a little weird hugging Rose; you don’t need to make things any more awkward trying to hug her without pants on.

You fidget around the laundry room a little longer, mostly because you’re a little scared to go back to the living room, but Rose eventually kicks you out with the threat that if you stay any longer she’s going to make you sort through the laundry to find her and Roxy’s “delicates.” Rose is great and admittedly you had a bit of a crush on Roxy when you were growing up but you really do not need to know either girl that intimately.

Before returning to the living room you stop in Dave’s room. The fourth drawer in his dresser is filled with your clothing, for impromptu sleepovers such as this one. You pull on a pair of pajama pants and go back downstairs.

Dave hasn’t touched the pizza since you left. The game the two of you had been playing before is still open to the paused menu screen. Dave doesn’t appear to have moved, even slightly, from the positon he was in when you fled the living room earlier. Nervously you run your hands through your hair a few times and adjust your glasses. When you move to return to your seat besides Dave you try to act as if everything is perfectly normal.

“Sorry about that.” You open, dropping back onto the floor and crossing your legs. “Didn’t want it to stain…new shorts and all that…”

At first it doesn’t seem like Dave even heard you then suddenly he nods, almost like snapping back to his senses and acknowledging you all at once.

“Right. Dadbert would’ve gotten mad. Wouldn’t want that.”  Dave gives you a quick, signature, Strider smirk and just like that, things are back to normal.

-->Your name is Dave Strider and you’re still not sure how you managed to act normal after John’s little strip-show in the living room. Somehow though, you did it, and the two of you returned to your gaming until around one-thirty in the morning when Dirk showed up and shooed you out of the living room, insisting he had “shit it do.”

It didn’t really occur to either of you just how tired you were until you had to trudge up a flight of stairs to your bedroom. You hardly remembered to shut your door behind you as the two of you shuffled inside the dark room and flopped onto your bed. For a while you both just laid there in the quiet darkness. You were almost starting to fall asleep when you heard John start mumbling something about brushing his teeth and trying to sit up. Turning you head to face him you throw an arm over John, effectively stopping him in his tracks and he lies against the bed beside you once again.

“Break the rules once in a while, Egbert.” You mutter, your words partially muffled by the blankets beneath you. “Be all gross and stinky with me for a night and just forget about that.”

Its dark in your room without any lights and your shades still on but you can still see John’s nose wrinkle at the suggestion. But you don’t move your arm from around his waist and John never makes a move to try and leave after that.

You’re starting to fall asleep again when John reaches over and plucks your glasses from your face. Your eyes blink open in surprise, forced to adjust to the change in light all over again. John’s own glasses are still on his face, crooked from being pressed against your mattress and he looks ridiculous with his crooked glasses and messy hair and dreamy smile but he also looks unbelievably adorable in your bed and you kind of really want to kiss him.

“What are you doing Egbert?” You croak instead, reaching up one hand to rub sleepily at your eye. John keeps watching you with his dorky smile and bright eyes.

“Your eyes are pretty Dave. It’s nice to be able to see them once in a while.”

You freeze because on one hand you think you must be imagining things but on the other you are really certain you heard those words come from John. Then suddenly lips are pressed against your own and your eyes are fluttering closed and you’re thinking, oh great you’ve really gone off the deep end now actually acting on your desire to kiss John but it’s not you who started the kiss. At least you’re pretty sure you’re not the one who started it. Even if it was you, the one in charge now seemed to be John. He was the one who was shifting your positions so that your back was pressed against the mattress while you were chest to chest with your best friend, kissing like a couple of teenagers who mostly had no idea what you were doing.

When John breaks the kiss for air he’s all but straddling you in this position. His glasses are even more skewed than they were before. You can tell he’s scared, not sure what your reaction to the kiss is going to be, but he’s trying to smile at you like this is all perfectly normal.

You want to say something to him, anything really, but you can’t seem to find your voice. Instead you pluck his glasses off his nose as well. John squints at you in the dark, not quite sure what to make of that reaction and also because your image is now blurry. John’s about as blind as a bat without his glasses. You’re not sure how long you lie there under John, studying him in the pale light coming through your window. His eyes are still so damn bright they’re practically glowing. You can tell your lack of response is starting to make John nervous and he starts shifting uncomfortably over you. He opens his mouth to say something, and that’s when you strike. Burying your hand in his hair you pull him closer, pressing your lips against his own and shoving your tongue in his mouth before he can say anything. Instead he just moans into your mouth and the sound sends shivers over your entire body.

There were still a lot of things about John you didn’t understand but lying in your bed with his body flush against your own, in that moment it was perfectly okay.

[living-lucid-dream]

Happy 4/13!

It’s been a long time since I’ve done anything Homestuck-related. What better day to change that than today? What I’m trying to say is: here, have some random snippets from a maybe-sequel to Straw Soldiers.

> Vriska: Distress call

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AG: Terezi!!!!!!!! AG: Thank fuck you are online 8ecause I am having a serious crisis. AG: I’m talking all hands on deck, all points 8ulletin sort of 8ullshit. AG: Terezi? AG: Come on, will you SAY SOMETHING already? AG: This is an emergency and you are my only chance at keeping everything from going to complete shit. AG: I swear to god I am not exagger8ing when I say that I am fucking dying here!!!!!!!! GC: HUH GC: TH4TS STR4NG3 GC: MY NOS3 DO3S NOT D3T3CT 3V3N TH3 F41NT3ST WH1FF OF D3C4Y1NG FL3SH GC: 1T 1S P1CK1NG UP ON3 H3FTY P1L3 OF M3LODR4M4 THOUGH >:/ AG: OK, OK. So may8e I’m not dying right this second—8ut I will 8e if you don’t do something for me, and I mean pronto. GC: UH-HUH GC: 4ND WH4T 3X4CTLY 1S TH1S 4LL3G3DLY L1F3 S4V1NG M4N3UV3R YOU 3XP3CT M3 TO DO? AG: First, I need you to answer something for me. GC: OK, SHOOT AG: How long have we known each other, exactly? GC: 1 DUNNO GC: F1V3, S1X SW33PS? GC: WHY? AG: Five or six sweeps. Practically our whole lives! AG: I mean, 8y now we’re pretty much o8lig8ed to help each other out in times of dire need and you’ve got to know that I wouldn’t ask for help with anything unless I was really, truly desper8. GC: UGH, TH3 M3LODR4M4 GC: 1T BURNS! AG: Hey, I am 8eing totally serious! AG: Geeeeeeeez, Pyrope. I come here hoping to get a little help from my lifelong 8osom 8uddy and all you can do is give me a 8unch of salty attitude. AG: If that’s the way you’re going to 8e then may8e I won’t 8other to ask you for anything after all. GC: JUST T3LL M3 WH4T YOU W4NT AG: Now that’s the spirit! AG: All right. So the thing I’m going to ask you to do may not sound like much, 8ut 8elieve me it is a very 8ig deal. AG: I need you to talk some sense into Peixes for me. GC: >:? GC: 4BOUT WH4T? AG: Somehow she got it into her pan that it would 8e a good idea to make me go all the fuck 8ack to Alternia and pick up Tav8utt and wonder clown. AG: I’ve tried reasoning with her 8ut she is 8eing a stu88orn 8rat and pulling rank on me. GC: SORRY TO S4Y 1T BUT 1 F41L TO S33 HOW 4NY OF TH4T QU4L1F13S 4S L1F3 4ND D34TH AG: Trust me, it is. GC: HOW SO? AG: 8ecause I will die of 8oredom! AG: Can you even imagine me, stuck on a ship for god knows how long with no8ody 8ut Toreasnore and Gamzee for company? AG: 8oriiiiiiiing! AG: I mean, the two of them don’t have a pair of 8rain cells 8etween them! GC: 1 4M SUR3 YOU W1LL SURV1V3 AG: What? So you’re not going to do anything at all to help me???????? AG: I’ve seen you do some pretty ruthless shit, 8ut releg8ing your good friend to dork squad shuttle service? AG: That’s cold ::::( GC: 1 4M SUR3 1T WONT B3 TH4T B4D GC: B3S1D3S 1 TH1NK 1T W1LL B3 GOOD FOR YOU GC: GR34T FOR BU1LD1NG CH4R4CT3R 4ND 4LL TH4T J4ZZ AG: “8uilding character” my ass. You just want to see me suffer. GC: ME? N3V3R >;] GC: H4V3 4 S4F3 TR1P GC: OH, 4ND DON’T TORM3NT T4VROS TOO MUCH AG: You know I will ::::p

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

  > Future Vriska: Distress call

arachnidsGrip [AG] opened memo EMERGENCY READ NOW!!!!!!!!

arachnidsGrip [AG] invited apocalypseArisen [AA] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited twinArmageddons [TA] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited carcinoGeneticist [CG] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited arsenicCatnip [AC] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited grimAuxiliatrix [GA] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited gallowsCalibrator [GC] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited centaursTesticle [CT] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited caligulasAquarium [CA] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited cuttlefishCuller [CC] to memo

AG: Come on, you useless 8unch of laya8outs! Get your asses in here! AG: Aaauuuuuuuugh! Where is every8ody???????? AG: Is this not getting through to any of you? AG: Fuck it, I can’t tell so I’m doing this regardless. AG: My ship has 8een attacked. AG: There have 8een losses and no, I am not detailing what those losses are right here 8ecause this is humili8ing enough as it is. AG: The long and short of it is: I’m stranded and I have no idea where the hell I am exactly 8ut I do know that I am drifting somewhere 8etween Earth and Alternia. AG: I am pretty sure I can safely classify the situ8ion as “in dire need of a relief shuttle right fucking now.” AG: Hello? AG: Is any8ody getting this???????? AG: Come on, some8ody ANSW8R ME, ALR8DY! AG: G8DDAMN 8T!!!!!!!!

arachnidsGrip [AG] left memo

  > John: Pester Dave

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

EB: dave! EB: you there, buddy? TG: yo EB: geez, you’ve been mia for like four days now. Where the heck have you been? TG: shit dude TG: ive been laying lower than a teenage mutant ninja turtle chilling in the new york sewer TG: slinking around like the stealth phantom lovechild of batman and solid snake EB: oh. so the paparazzi are after you too, huh? TG: yeah EB: that sucks. TG: eh TG: for a while i was thinking about mooning them just to see how hard they pissed themselves trying to go all national geographic on my ass TG: then i realized that there was like an eighty billion percent certainty that my ass would just end up getting trotted out on fucking tmz or some shit TG: now national enquirer TG: i would be down with seeing my ass on the front page of such a fine publication TG: but tmz TG: no way TG: daytime tv is not ready for the strider ass TG: so me and aradia gave them the slip and they fell for it harder than bambi on ice TG: havent seen one of those fuckers in almost a week now EB: lucky! they’re all over me and karkat. EB: seriously, it’s like a freaking lightning storm every time i open the front door! EB: it was kind of funny at first but now it’s just…ugh. EB: hey, wait a sec! EB: you said you were with aradia? what are you guys doing? TG: we are going full-on magical mystery tour to find all the weird ass dead things the good old usa has to offer TG: we already hit up the mutter museum TG: it was the shit TG: never saw so many dead things in jars all in one place TG: made my collection look like some messy amateur shit TG: like their stuff is triple black diamond pucker up and kiss your ass goodbye caliber and my stuff barely even qualifies as a bunny slope for toddlers TG: oh and aradia and i pooled our cash and adopted a skull because who doesnt want to say that they are the proud daddy of a newborn 200 hundred year-old skull EB: jesus, sometimes i forget how weird you guys are. TG: hey the strider cool cocktail might not go with everything but at least its never boring TG: anyways im pretty sure we are going to be creeping around your neck of the woods in a couple of weeks TG: we should hang if you and karkat are going to be around EB: cool! EB: we’ll be here. EB: unless karkat’s got one of his pt sessions. EB: but then we’ll be back in like two hours, so yes! we’ll be here. TG: speaking of vantas TG: how is shouty mcqueen doing these days TG: that guys been more elusive than a shiny pokemon since you guys got home EB: he’s fine. EB: he just has a hard time with typing. and tying his shoes. and…lots of things, actually. TG: shit TG: i thought they said his hands were fixed EB: depends on the they you’re talking to, i guess. EB: terezi brought him a new phone, though. EB: it has voice-to-text for english and alternian. EB: jade and sollux made it for him, or at least i think that’s what terezi said when she gave it to him. EB: my alternian still sucks so i’m not sure. EB: anyways we’re about to have breakfast now so i should probably go. TG: ok TG: later ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

 > Future John: Pester Dave

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

EB: dave! EB: are you there, buddy? EB: dave, come on. EB: this isn’t funny. EB: you’re really freaking me out here. EB: dave, please. EB: you need to answer me now! EB: jesus christ.

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

> Future Karkat: Contact loving matesprit

carcinoGenticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [CG]

CG: OK, YOU’VE HAD YOUR FUN. CG: NOW WIPE THAT SHIT-EATING GRIN OFF YOUR FACE AND STOP THIS BULLFUCKERY RIGHT NOW. CG: I KNOW THIS DISTANCE MATESPRITSHIP THING SUCKS HARDER THAN THE MOTHER GRUB’S SLURRY ACCEPTING ORIFICE. CG: BUT IF THIS ISN’T WORKING FOR YOU THEN YOU NEED TO TELL ME INSTEAD OF, YOU KNOW, IGNORING ME FOR TWO WEEKS. CG: JESUS FUCK, TEREZI. CG: I’D EXPECT THAT SORT OF SHIT-RINSING PISSBABY WAY OF HANDLING THINGS FROM PAST ME BECAUSE PAST ME IS A PAIL-SWILLING FUCKWIT WITH THE FANTASTIC ABILITY TO MAGICALLY LOSE HIS GLOBES WHEN SHIT GETS REAL. CG: BUT NOT FROM YOU. CG: I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF YOU OR SOLLUX ARE ALIVE BECAUSE GUESS WHAT? CG: NEITHER ONE OF YOU HAVE DEIGNED TO SEND ME SO MUCH AS A “HI, KARKAT JUST POPPING A SQUAT TO SHIT OUT THIS TURD OF A MESSAGE SO YOU CAN STOP WORRYING THAT WE BOTH DID SOMETHING PAN-NUMBINGLY STUPID LIKE DROWN IN THE LOAD GAPER; TALK TO YOU LATER YOU FART-BRAINED IGNORAMUS.” CG: THERE. CG: SEE? CG: WAS THAT SO HARD? CG: HELPFUL HINT: EVEN THE FART-BRAINED IGNORAMUS WITHOUT FUNCTIONING OPPOSABLE THUMBS MANAGED IT IN A SPHINCTER-RANKLING 60 SECONDS. CG: I GET THAT YOU AND SOLLUX ARE BUSY ON FEFERI’S FREE THE HELMSMEN CRUSADE AND YEAH, IT’S KIND OF A BIG FUCKING DEAL. CG: AND I GET THAT COMPLAINING ABOUT IT MAKES ME LOOK LIKE A SELFISH, BULGE-FLAPPING ASSHOLE. CG: BUT BEING THE PARANOID FUCKTARD WHO SEES SUPER EXCITING TORTURE FUNTIMES WITH CONDESCE AND FRIENDS ON INFINITE REPEAT EVERY FUCKING TIME I CLOSE MY EYES, I’M STARTING TO GET THIS NUB-TICKLING IDEA THAT SOMETHING MIGHT BE WRONG. CG: I KNOW IT’S STUPID AND I’M PROBABLY STOMPING INTO PALE TERRITORY WITH A PAIR OF STEEL TOE COMBAT BOOTS WITH “FUCK YOU CAPTOR” EMBLAZONED ON THE TREADS BY SAYING IT, BUT THERE IT IS. CG: THE STINKING SHIT PELLET OF TRUTH HAS DROPPED AND IT CANNOT RETURN TO THE WASTE CHUTE FROM WHENCE IT WAS PINCHED. CG: TEREZI, PLEASE. CG: JUST TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

CarcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

 > to be continued...(?)

[gemstone-gynoid]

i just remembered i made a fanfiction for homestuck back in 2014. for a creative writing section of english class. with the prompt of using voicemail as the focus.

i recall most people made serious stories while here i go telling a more humourous story. 

 Reach you later

*BEEEEP* *BEEEEP* *BEEEEEP*

[Hello this is Rose, please leave your message here after the tone so I can reach you later]

“Hello?  Uh, hi Rose. Yeah this is this is John. I’ve never really called anyone. Now that I think about it I’ve only ever texted people, you’re special! Hah. Ok so, the reason I’m calling you is, oh wait you didn’t answer. Ok I’ll put this into that voicemail thing. Another thing I’m new at, I’m growing up in the world! Joking, anyway. So this is really important, so I’d like to call you in real time. Can’t really see you, as I’m busy in my little slice of the earth” [VOICEMAIL SENT AT 8:00 PM 13TH APRIL EST]

                 [Sup, you’ve reached my voicemail instead of the real John! I’ll reach you later, just send me a message after the beep!]

“Oh, dear, John you could’ve had the decency to respect a phone call from me.  This sounded really urgent. Congratulations on learning stuff I guess. I feel so honored. What exactly are you even doing in America any ways? The colleges are not as good as here in Europe, or so one of my online friends who actually lives in America always claims. I don’t think we can actually call each other, I doubt our schedules can match” [VOICEMAIL SENT AT 1:00 AM 14TH APRIL EST]

                 [Hello this is rose, please leave your message here after the tone so I can reach you later]

“Man, I forgot what I wanted to call you for. Maybe it was something about wanting to share this new game I found, but it’s glitchy and stuff. Forget about it. And yeah I’m sorry. I forgot about the wonders of this strange phenomenon called time zones! Didn’t I tell you about what I wanted to major in? Programming! America is basically where all the important computer stuff is at, I’ll be rich! Bet you’re using an iPhone and on it recently searched on google and followed a link to Wikipedia or the like. And who’s your friend? I might like to meet him, or her.” [VOICEMAIL SENT AT 7:00 PM 14TH APRIL EST]

                 [Sup, you’ve reached my voicemail instead of the real John! I’ll reach you later, just send me a message after the beep!]

“John! I was worried that you might have gotten into some serious trouble, like you got robbed, or expelled. Not something as benign as a video game that you recommend! *sigh*, you were always a jokester, like father like son as that saying goes I suppose. My mum has always said that your dad always was of a nonchalant tone. Wait, who do you want to meet? You do know our phones don’t give us a copy of our calls of course. Oh well, at least you know what you’re doing jobwise. I’m busy balancing this small vet job while studying chemistry, it is not fun.” [VOICEMAIL SENT AT 2:00 AM 15TH APRIL EST]

 [Hello this is rose, please leave your message here after the tone so I can reach you later]

“I forgot who I asked for, sorry. Our times don’t really match. I can still show you the game sometime. It’s called Urbn, it is spelled U-R-B-N. it’s trendy like that. We really need to get a better for of contact, I don’t know why but my phone plan didn’t give me a good amount of texting. We should get one of those messaging things online, instant messaging I’m pretty sure it’s called.  I hardly ever have my phone on me, but it is literally my future job to be on the computer all the time.” [VOICEMAIL SENT AT 8:00 PM 15TH APRIL EST]

                 [Sup, you’ve reached my voicemail instead of the real John! I’ll reach you later, just send me a message after the beep!]

“I’ll remember to look up Urbn later, with a name like that it has to be good. And about some type of instant messaging, I have actually been using a type of messaging for a while! The messaging thing I have been using is called Pesterchat, un-trendily spelled as it sounds. When you download it find me, my username is spelled R-O-S-E-T-T-A-4-1-3. Lucky I was only the 413th Rosetta to have an account on it. We should be able to figure out a good time to chat. You know how a while back you said you would like to meet one of my American friends? I have been messaging him for a while, his name is Dave, and I believe he said he lives in New York, where are you studying at? Lets finally just talk on pesterchat, it’ll be much easier than doing this long term back and forth.” [VOICEMAIL SENT AT 12:00 16TH APRIL EST]

 {Pesterchat messaging opened on 11:00 PM 17th April EST]

JohnTheNerd: Hey, Rose. You got this message?

Rosetta413: Hi John. While this is a good time for me, is this fine with you?

JohnTheNerd: Over here it is 11, but I can manage with this time. Youve checked out Urbn yet? An update has been scheduled for some time this week to fix the more broken parts.

Rosetta413: Ive been reading about it, sometime later I’ll give you Dave’s phone number.

JohnTheNerd: cool, I’ll reach him later.

Rosetta413: I need to leave for a second, I’ll talk to you later.

JohnTheNerd: ok, later.

[grimaussiewitch]

So @creative-classpect created this post <a href="http://creative-classpect.tumblr.com/post/165321309865/generic-godtier-effects-what-if-when-you-ascend-to" target="_blank">http://creative-classpect.tumblr.com/post/165321309865/generic-godtier-effects-what-if-when-you-ascend-to</a> and my creative side was like 'hey hey, maybe make your homestuck ocs like'. And here it is. I might colour it later if I have enough energy, but here is some information. I will not use my characters names yet, but for now for now I'll just call them by their aspects. Also, I did not add wings to the trolls as there is not enough room. Time: So with time, there was much on appearance apart from the rust. So the little shaded parts are suppose to be rust. If I drew his full body, you would see dust on the ground. Void: Void felt strange to draw. Firstly, you do not sense her and the dark aura stuff goes good with a human vampire, not really with rainbow drinkers. However, it makes her seem more dangerous. Secondly, the pure black eyes was annoying to draw as I have drawn void with cat eyes, so that is a negative. Lastly, the no body temperature is ironic when it comes to her relationship (more information down below). In the end, I like drawing this because she seems more badass then before. Life: This one was fun to draw. Not only did I practice drawing leaves, I drew some feathers too! I draw feathers on his skin instead of bark or scales because I felt it fit more of his character. Life and would the animal characteristics also come from the feathers. I did not draw the vines as I think it would like better underneath the clothing. Rage: Hello spawn of satan (or satan yourself). I found drawing this ironic as rage has an innocent look and with the hellish designs added, it makes him look like a little demon. Which I am motherf*cking loving. The horns I just darken at the tips and the teeth I left the same. If the wings were drawn, it would be the same god tier wings but darken (so teal but dark). Change the eyes and the aura is not shown. Tattoos are underneath the clothing (would probably be stars). Also the thunder voice is ironic as this spawn of satan, is well the hell spawn is mute as f*ck. Irony. Honestly this one was the funniest and best one in my opinion. Blood: Blood was pretty much normal. Apart from the eye colour changing (her original eye colour is blue), nothing much. I do like the whole touch and sight part though. She is a Sylph of blood and with this, I believe it makes it a whole lot better. Plus it would be needed whenever two of the gods try to go at each other’s throat (*cough**cough*breathandrage*cough**cough*). I pretty much drew blood but the idea of touch and sight was fun. Space: This child had some details added. Now the black tattoos on his arm and face are already suppose to be there (blah blah blah, grimdark, blah blah blah, permanent tattoos, blah blah blah, idea, blah blah blah, never going away tattoos). The little satellites were replaced with the planets, so like Jade with the tiny planets. He never had freckles, so that was cute to draw. Also, I didn't draw the constellations, though does would glow in the dark. Space already has thick, beautiful hair. The eyes are literally suppose to look like galaxies and the skin would look polished if I colour it. I had fun drawing space. Breath: I had to draw more of breath's body since he is a dwarf compared to everyone else. I made his hair a bit more slick and added little clouds around his head. I couldn’t draw everything else sadly as it focuses on the bottom half. I'm questioning his weight though since he is already light for his height and weight. :? Still fun to draw though. I think his facial expression is the best since it is showing his salty personality. Heart: (Fun fact: The song Ghosting started playing on my playlist when I started writing heart) With heart, I didn't really showed the extra arms, but I added in ghosts. Funny thing is her and doom have always seen ghosts. Heart's were more positive (hence seer of heart) and doom's were more negative (hence bard of doom). No one believed about the ghosts, but I guess they do now. I enjoyed drawing her, the bangs and I love the little ghosts. Mind: Man mind was weird to draw. Because of him already wearing glasses and now the extra eyes, I had to draw more glasses frames for the other eyes. The sparks are from him being concentrated and I guess for hope, looking into his eyes on a date would feel weird. Also, I wonder how it would go with mind when he is around his dad/son (space) when his relative is with their partner (life). After all, thoughts, ideas and imagination become visible ;). Overall, mind was fun to draw, but the glasses were a bit difficult. Hope: God hope is a piece of sunshine in this drawing. The wings I though could be small wings floating off her back. There is no angel bodyguard in the picture, but if I did drew it, I image the angel would look like most designs people draw the angels from welcome to night vale. Also drew the small halo. Hope was fun to draw but the wings took a while because I was trying my best to make them look similar to feathers. Doom: I'm not really happy how I drew doom. The skull tattoo did not really work and the lifeless eyes does not show up much. The circular tattoos worked out though. If I do colour this, I would edit doom's design. Relationships: Space <3 Life I think because of the extra designs, these two would become more connected to each other. Like life gazing into galaxy like eyes, tracing the black tentacle tattoos and watching the planets obit around each other as they hold each other. Space would play with life's hair, admiring the vines wrapped around his partner and mess around with the feather like sideburns. In conclusion, really cute couple stuff. Mind <3 Hope I imagine mind and hope would be very awkward with the changes. Examples like the bodyguard angel on dates and starring into multiple eyes, not knowing which one to look at. But I can also imagine both of them complimenting each other. Hope finding it adorable when the sparks show. Mind playing around and softly kissing hope's tiny angel wings. Pretty much both trying to get over the awkward moments and create new, cute memories. Light <3 Void <3 Doom Light is warm, void has no temperature and doom is cold. I can see void and doom cuddle up with light when any opportunity shows. Light would probably be a bit embarrassed because two colder beings and hugging her like a warm blanket. However, overtime light would give them both warmth when needed. Even if her smile is enough, void and doom will still take the opportunity. Rage <> Life Rage and life probably can't stand next to each other without a fire trail burning up a petal trail. I can still see both of them being moirails. Nothing much would change though. Time <> Void Normal moirails, but time would probably complain about ink dripping everyone. Void would also complain about ticking noises. But still normal moirails. Blood to everyone else. Like said before, blood is the Sylph of Blood. She heals everyone through friendship and real blood. Her touch and sight would heal everyone faster. There might be some teary movements too. For example, rage might not want to touch blood as he gets the feeling of his old moirails who have passed. There might be one day when rage holds and cries in blood's arms to feel closer to his old friends. I can see her relationship to space and life heal a little bit more (Blood <3 Space, Space <3 Life, Blood <3< Life). Also I can see people calling her a lava lamp when you see her vains in the dark. That's about it. I might do more drawings off this later.

[blatherkatt]

Title: The Calm Is Terrifying When The Storm Is All You Know  [Homestuck]

Prologue 3: Regarding Karkat Vantas

Summary: There were two kinds of trolls who went to Earth: rich shitheads with too much money and free time, and desperate assholes who couldn’t survive on Alternia, even with the best efforts of the young Condesce. Karkat hated the planet almost immediately, but with his home planet too dangerous for mutants, he really didn’t have any choice but to hide out on this weird little diurnal planet. At least he’d be safe. Or so he thought, right before blundering his way into an accidental friendship with the son of an anti-troll terrorist. 

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of Alternia-Typical violence and bigotry; Pesterlogs

FIRST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

Note: Dates and times used correlate to local date and time in Houston, Texas, for the sake of simplicity of the reader.

grimAuxilitrix@Trollian.net sent to carcinoGeneticist@Trollian.net 4 PM 11/23/14:

Hello Karkat

I Am Writing To Let You Know That I Am Fully Settled In And Things Are Going Well

Earth Is Actually Quite Nice If Very Different And Porrim Has Been A Wonderful Help In Getting Me Settled In

She Has Asked Me To Let You Know That If Things Get Too Heated Where You Are She Is Willing To Give You Shelter Here As Well

Okay I Confess That She Probably Said That Because I Expressed Concern For Your Well Being Seeing As I Keep Hearing Terrible Things

It Sounds As Though A Lot Of Highbloods Are Getting Very Agitated And Violent As A Result Of The Reforms Put In Place By The Empress And I Honestly Think You Might Be Safer Here

This Planet Is Strange As Are Its People And I Dont Really Understand Their Culture At All Yet But They Are Much Kinder Than Highbloods And Will Not Care About Your Unique Circumstances At All

It Might Be Perfect For You

I Know That It Is A Daunting Prospect But Please At Least Consider It

carcinoGeneticist@Trollian.net sent to grimAuxilitrix@Trollian.net 3 AM 11/25/14:

GOD DAMMIT KANAYA STOP TRYING TO GET ME TO MOVE TO EARTH WITH YOU. I CAN PROTECT MYSELF JUST FUCKING FINE, OKAY? IM NOT A HELPLESS FUCKING WRIGGLER, HERE. BESIDES, IVE GOT PLENTY OF PRACTICE KEEPING MYSELF HIDDEN, SO IT’S NOT LIKE ANY OF THOSE FUCKERS ARE GOING TO FIND ME, BUT EVEN IF THEY DO I CAN FIGHT THEM OFF JUST FINE. IM NOT GOING TO RUN AWAY LIKE A TERRIFIED BARKBEAST, TAIL FIRMLY BETWEEN MY FUCKING SHAME GLOBES.

…IM GLAD YOURE HAPPY THOUGH. THIS IS A PRETTY BIG BREAK FOR YOU. YOU DESERVE IT. (:B  

carcinoGeneticist@Trollian.net sent to grimAuxilitrix@Trollian.net 5 AM 01/27/15:

OKAY IM KIND OF FREAKING THE FUCK OUT HERE

THIS MIGHT BE THE LAST YOU HEAR FROM ME AND IM REALLY SORRY ABOUT THAT

BUT I THINK

I THINK A GROUP OF THOSE HEMOANON HUNTERS MUST HAVE GOTTEN TIPPED OFF THAT IM HERE

I KEEP SEEING THEM TRAIPSING AROUND THE FUCKING HIVEBLOCK LOOKING FOR SOMETHING

THEY CULLED SOME POOR RUSTBLOOD A FEW HIVES DOWN YESTERDAY ITS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE THEY FIND ME

THE LEADERS FUCKING HUGE I DONT STAND A CHANCE HERE

SO

GOODBYE I GUESS

grimAuxilitrix@Trollian.net sent to carcinoGeneticist@Trollian.net 2 PM 01/27/15:

Karkat You Are Not Going To Die Okay

We Will Get You Out Of There

Hold On I Am Having Sollux Open A Chat Room And We Can Talk About This In Closer To Real Time There

— twinArmageddons [TA] opened a group chat at 2:22 PM 01/27/15 —

— twinArmageddons [TA] invited grimAuxilitrix [GA] —

— twinArmageddons [TA] invited carcinoGeneticist [CG] —

— twinArmageddons [TA] invited gallowsCallibrator [GC] —

TA: alriight ju2t real quiick before everybody 2tart2 2houtiing off rapiid fiire liike ii know you all fuckiing love two, plea2e keep iin miind KK ii2 liiterally liightyear2 away and iit ii2 goiing two take a few miinute2 for hii2 me22age2 two reach u2 and vice ver2a.

TA: 2o let2 all at lea2t try two pretend we arent a bunch of iimpatiient fuckiing bulge fondler2 okay?

GC: 1 M4K3 NO PROM1S3S >:]

CG: OH YEAH SURE LETS ALL JUST BE TOTALLY FUCKING PATIENT ITS NOT LIKE IM GOING TO FUCKING DIE ANY MINUTE HERE OR ANYTHING

CG: NO OMINOUS DANGER LURKING IN THE SHADOWS OR ANYTHING NOPE

CG: JUST ME AND MY NEW FUCKING BEST FRIENDS WHO ALL WANT ME DEAD

TA: KK calm the fuck down were tryiing two help you here.

GA: Karkat We Can Get You Out Of There I Promise

CG: GET ME TO WHERE EXACTLY? EARTH?

CG: OH YEAH SURE LETS JUST GO TO THE FUCKING ALIEN PLANET

CG: EVEN IF I HAD ANY INTENTION OF GOING THERE HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO PULL THAT OFF?

CG: IF I SHOW UP AT THAT SPACE PORT THEYRE GOING TO FIGURE ME OUT IMMEDIATELY AND SOMEONES GOING TO CULL ME IN A FUCKING LOAD GAPER STALL

TA: dont fuckiing iin2ult me KK, god, why do you thiink iim here?

TA: KN may not know what 2he2 doiing, but TZ can open a fuckiing chat room.  

GA: Hey

TA: 2o iit2 not liike iim ju2t here to get u2 all talkiing.

TA: iim forgiing you 2ome documentatiion a2 we 2peak, a2 far a2 everyone at the 2paceport wiill know you are ju2t another de2perate ru2tblood a22hole lookiing for a break.

CG: OH.

GC: 4ND 1 4M PR3P4R3D TO H3LP YOU OUT W1TH TH3 P4P3RWORK ON TH3 34RTH S1DE OF TH1NGS ONC3 YOU G3T H3R3 >:]

GA: As For Where You Will Go Once Here Porrims Offer Still Stands

GA: You Will Have A Place To Stay If You Are Okay With Doing Some Rather Simple Work

CG: OH GOD. WHAT AM I DOING, MODELING DRESSES?

CG: FANTASTIC. ILL JUST LEAVE HOME AND BE A FUCKING FASHION MODEL. LIVING THE DREAM HERE ARENT I!

CG: ON SECOND THOUGHT IM JUST GOING TO LET THE FUCKING HUNTERS CULL ME.

GA: No

GA: Its Just A Desk Job Karkat

GA: Mostly It Will Involve Sitting Around And Very Occasionally Handling The Money

GA: She Wants You To Work The Cash Register It Is A Very Simple Job

CG: THE WHAT?

GA: I Will Show You When You Get Here

CG: I DONT RECALL EVER FUCKING AGREEING TO THIS CRAZY SCHEME. I STILL HAVE NO FUCKING INTENTION OF GOING TO EARTH LIKE A COWARD.

TA: fiine diie then.

GC: HON3STLY K4RK4T

GC: YOU 4R3 B31NG A HUG3 WR1GGL3R 4BOUT TH1S

GC: DO YOU R34LLY H4V3 4NY B3TT3R 1D34S H3R3? 34RTH 1S YOUR B3ST B3T R1GHT NOW.

GC: 1TS W4Y L3SS HOST1L3 TOW4RD TROLLS 1N YOUR S1TU4T1ON, MOSTLY B3C4US3 HUM4NS DONT R34LLY G3T TH3 H3MOSP3CTRUM TO B3G1N W1TH.

GC: 1TS NOT A TH1NG FOR TH3M 4T 4LL.

GC: 4ND YOUV3 GOT FR13NDS H3R3 WHO C4N H3LP YOU, 4S 1N, YOU KNOW, TH3 ON3S YOU 4R3 T4LK1NG TO R1GHT NOW???

GC: WH3R34S ON 4LT3RN14 YOU 4R3 ON YOUR OWN.

CG: FUCK.

CG: I DONT REALLY HAVE A CHOICE, DO I?

GC: NOP3

GA: Not Really

TA: no.

CG: GOD DAMMIT.

CG: ALRIGHT, JUST.

CG: TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO.

GA: You Will Want To Pack Everything You Want To Take With You

GA: Things Like Clothing And So On You Can Easily Replace Once You Get Here So I Wouldnt Worry About That As Much But Make Sure You Bring Everything You Really Cant Replace

GC: K33P 1T TO TWO B4GS THOUGH

GC: 1T SUCKS BUT TH4TS 4LL W3 COULD 4FFORD

CG: YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR BAGS??

CG: WAIT. YOU GUYS ARE PAYING FOR THIS?

GA: Do Not Try To Argue With Us On This Please Karkat We Have Been Preparing For This For A While

CG: OH SO YOU FUCKERS WERE ALL JUST WAITING FOR ME TO BOARD THE COWARD TRAIN, WERE YOU?

CG: GO ON. WHO WON THE FUCKING BET? WHICH ONE OF YOU GUYS MADE BIG BUCKS OFF MY FINAL ADMISSION OF DEFEAT?

GA: No One Was Taking Bets We Just Wanted To Be Prepared Just In Case

TA: ii totally wanted two bet on how long iit would be but KN had two be a fuckiing buzzkiill.

GA: Sollux Can We Not Do This Now

GC: UUUUUGH

GC: K4RK4T STOP WH4T3V3R HUG3 R4NT YOU JUST ST4RT3D TYP1NG 4ND L3T US F1N1SH 3XPL41N1NG SH1T TO YOU SO W3 C4N M4K3 SUR3 YOU DONT D13

GC: 1 ST1LL H4V3 SOM3 FR13NDS PL4N3TS1D3

GC: 1M T4LK1NG TO VR1SK4 NOW

CG: PLEASE TELL ME THIS ENTIRE PLAN DOESNT HINGE ON VRISKA.

GC: SH3 H4S PROM1S3D TO B3H4V3

GC: 4ND 1F SH3 DO3S NOT, T3LL M3 WH3N YOU G3T TO 34RTH 4ND 1 W1LL D34L W1TH H3R

GC: 4NYW4Y SH3 W1LL B3 OUTS1D3 YOUR H1VE 1N TWO HOURS TO P1CK YOU UP 4ND G1V3 YOU SOLLUX’S 1LLEG4L DOCUM3NT4T1ON

GC: SH3 W1LL DROP YOU OFF A D1SCR33T D1ST4NC3 FROM TH3 SP4C3PORT SO 4S TO 4VO1D SUSP1C1ON

GC: TH3 WORK3RS 4T TH3 PORT W1LL PO1NT YOU TO TH3 SH1P YOU N33D TO BO4RD

GC: ONC3 YOUR3 ON TH3 SH1P YOU 4R3 PR3TTY MUCH HOM3 FR33

GA: I Will Be Waiting For You In Houston

GA: It Will Take A Few Days For You To Get Here Of Course But I Will Meet You When You Arrive

GC: 4ND L1K3 1 S41D 1 W1LL H3LP YOU D34L W1TH TH3 HUM4NS P4P3RWORK

GC: 1 H4D TO D34L W1TH 1T ON MY OWN 4ND TH3N H3LP BOTH K4N4Y4 4ND SOLLUX F1GUR3 TH31RS OUT

GC: SO B3TW33N 4LL TH4T 4ND MY LIN3 OF WORK 1 4M PR3TTY MUCH 4N 3XP3RT >:]

CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS HOUSTON.

GA: Oh

GA: Houston Is The City Where The Spaceship Lands

GA: And Also Where Porrims Shop Is And Therefore Where You Will Be Living

GA: At Least Until You Are Adjusted Enough To Earth To Decide If You Want To Do Something Else I Suppose

GC: Y34H HUM4NS PUT 4 PR3TTY B1G D34L ON N4M1NG PL4C3S

GC: YOU G3T US3D TO 1T PR3TTY QU1CKLY

CG: OKAY.

CG: OKAY I THINK I CAN DO THIS.

CG: IM GONNA START PACKING.

GA: See You In A Few Days

GC: GOOD LUCK >:]

TA: later KK.

—twinArmageddons [TA] closed the chat room —