#hey I like this one →wait it's another angus What a man

[periperisim]

doodles（headcanon included）

[4lexnilsen]

“take your time.   there’s no pressure,  no deadline.   just remember that i’m not going anywhere.   i’ll be here for you whenever you need me.”   he wonders if she’s somehow figured out that forehead kisses are his favorite,  the quickest way to calm his aching heart.   the brush of her lips against his skin has him melting into a puddle,  features softening all at once.   if it weren’t for the lingering,  permanent look of worry in his eyes,  no one would be able to tell just how terrified he is on the inside.   terrified for her.   he could have lost her.   “you don’t have to thank me for taking care of you.   it’s what neighbors do,”   he muses with a soft smile,  taking her hand into his,  careful not to cause her any more pain,  and kissing her knuckles.   neighbors.   he’s just trying to make her laugh.   they’re way more than just neighbors.   

“right?   and she’s a natural,  too.   no one had to teach her how to take care of them,  she figured it out all on her own.”   playing along,  encouraged by the smile growing on abilene’s face,  he can’t help but think about how much he’d missed this smile and these witty comments.   “and she stays in the room with them overnight,  too.   doesn’t leave angus’ side.”   he can’t believe he’s saying this,  but he’s grown fond of the cat.   mama kitty.   even the name’s grown on him.   “obviously,  especially if you’re as active as this lovely lady.”   there’s sarcasm in alex’s voice,  but also a lot of affection.   the cat rots on the couch all day,  but if she wants two dinners,  she’s getting two dinners.   he’s a weak man,  can’t say no to these pleading eyes.   

“what?”   alex mumbles,  kissing the top of abilene’s head as they lay snuggled up on the small,  uncomfortable bed.   his arm loosely wrapped around her body,  his shoulder serving as a pillow.   “it’s not that bad,  baby.   i mean,  you always look beautiful.   my angel.   these will heal.”   he can’t lie to her and tell her that her face sustained no injuries because she won’t believe him.   even on pain meds,  there’s no way that she isn’t aware of the bruising and swelling and abrasions.   but he can try his best to remind her that she’s the most gorgeous person in the universe,  no matter what.   “don’t worry.   i’ll keep him safe,  abi.”   even if it means the reunion will have to wait.   no child should see their loved one like this.

“well,  i think he still cares about you.   sounded like it.”   he doesn’t want to get her hopes up and can’t really tell her that colt is most likely already on his way,  and so he stays silent.   his smile growing when she sits up and gives the noodles another try.   he follows suit,  using a plastic fork to dig into his lasagna.   he hasn’t had a proper meal ever since the terrible accident,  worried sick about her,  his stomach refused to accept anything other than toast and water.   olive garden is suddenly the best thing on earth.   “hey,  they wanted to kick me out,  said family only.   and asked me if i was your family.   i panicked,  alright?   it was the first thing that came to my mind.”   blushing,  his foot nudging hers right back.   now that he’s thinking about it,  he couldn’t have said he was her brother or a cousin.   

“but yeah,  definitely a record.   i mean,  we haven’t even been on an actual date so…”   he laughs,  growing more and more shy,  but finding the situation hilarious.   god,  he’s brought this upon himself.   but at least he’s succeeded at making her laugh.   “no,  i don’t think so ‘cause i put hoover as your last name on that silly questionnaire.   but you should have seen the look on that one nurse’s face when she asked me if you were allergic to any medications and i went red and stuttered a bit and told her i had to call your brother.   she side-eyes me every time i pass by the nurses’ station.   she thinks i’m the worst husband in the world.”   laughing at the comment about mama kitty being their ring bearer,  he’s happy to take her mind off the pain and decides to carry on.   “well,  what do you say?   when and where did we get married?   in texas?” 

maybe one day when her heart wasn't so heavy she'd tell someone , abilene thought . . . but thinking too much on it now only made the fog return . abilene's thumb brushed along his cheek and a smile tugged on her lip when alex nuzzled into her touch . ❛ tomorrow i'll try . ❜ her voice was hoarse and quiet . ❛ i promise . ❜ alex was perhaps the only person she did trust with the story , the only person she'd feel safe with it . her kiss to his forehead was quick and chaste , but when she pulled away she couldn't help but chuckle quietly . ❛ it was for taking care of me . ❜ it was for loving her , for letting her love him .

then , alex was next to her on the bed . abilene squinted at the brightness of the phone as she took in the picture . it was a picture of angus asleep and david beside him . a tabby cat was curled up between them , her white paws tucked beneath her , and abilene felt a smile grow on her lips .

❛ she's doing a perfect job . ❜ she was a little more animated than before and she cleared her throat . ❛ she's keeping a very watchful eye . ❜ for the first time in days her heart felt a bit lighter . the girl leaned over and rested her head on alex's shoulder , nodding in agreement when he spoke about mama kitty having her two dinners . ❛ it's legally required , y'know . having just one dinner is obviously neglect . ❜

there was a beat of silence between them before abilene spoke again . ❛ it must be bad , then . ❜ she spoke quietly . she hadn't looked at herself yet , she didn't want to . somehow looking at what he'd done to her made it real , made all of those memories true and not just nightmares . ❛ don't bring him in until i look human , please ? ❜ she didn't want angus to see her like this , hell , she didn't want anyone to see her like this .

she didn't want colt to see her like this either . but then again , would he even come ? perhaps if alex mentioned angus , colt would come or arrange for angus to go back home for a little while . after their mother died , colt became quiet and angry . he was mean to everyone , abilene included , and the two had grown apart . they'd both said things they wished they could take back , and some things they didn't . . . their goodbye had not been a particularly pleasant one , either .

❛ it's okay . ❜ she said , moving from resting her head on his shoulder to sitting up again . she was twirling a small amount of the noodles on her fork when she shrugged and continued , ❛ i doubt he'd come anyways . ❜ dark brows rose and she let alex continue to ramble on .

her lips spread into a wide smile until the movement stretched her injured lip , but even with the pain she couldn't stop smiling as his cheeks flushed pink . she nudged his leg with hers . ❛ from girlfriend to wife in less than a day ? that has be a record somewhere . are they gonna call me mrs. nilsen ? ❜ she whispered . ❛ i should know some more information to keep up the lie . when did we get married ? can mama kitty be the ring bearer ? ❜

[spnae]

Chapter 15 Love a Handyman

The next day they decided to repeat the training/cleaning activities for the girls since it went so well the first time. It also made sense to keep the girls out of the castle as much as possible since Callum and Angus would be there to fix the elevator. Faith was nervously pacing around the entryway waiting for them to show up when Giles rang his bell from the living room.

She sighed as she walked towards the living room. “What’s up?”

“Could I trouble you for another glass of water? Perhaps you should just bring a pitcher.”

“A pitcher of water, yeah alright.”

While Faith was searching for a water pitcher to use, the front doorbell rang. Faith banged her head on the underside of the cabinet as she pulled out the pitcher and set it down before running to get the door. It was Angus heavily laden with work equipment.

“Oh, hey Angus.”

“Hey yourself.”

“Where’s Callum?”

“Driving separately, said something about having a hot date tonight,” Angus winked, “If you haven’t been drummin’ up so much business for us lately I might have something to say about you keepin’ him up too late.”

“Why’s that, I thought he didn’t have to work until later tomorrow.”

“Oh aye, at the hardware store. He was supposed to help me with a little job in the morning, canceled on me, he did.”

Oh geez, look man, he didn’t say anything about it—“

“No worries it’s just that bloody door at the pub, I’m just giving you a hard time. I can do it myself and it’s for Family anyway so it’s not like it’s a big gig, don’t worry about it. I’m just happy to see him getting back into it. Been a while since he’s had a woman in his life.”

“Really?”

“Oh aye.”

“So yeah the elevator is right over here. Also my cousin wanted you to look at another bigger project she’s itching to start.”

“Bigger than that bathroom we did for you a while back?”

“Oh yeah, much bigger. Her and her boyfriend are planning on moving here permanently and their new digs are in need a serious overhaul.”

“Where is this place?”

“About a hundred yards from here.”

“Heavens, you don’t mean that building across the garden, do you?” he asked sceptically.

“That would be the one. It’s actually a duplex.”

“Blimey sounds like a tall order. I don’t know if Callum and I can handle all that on our own.”

“We have a guy that’s good with construction. He can lend a hand and we know you guys probably won’t be able to do all of the work but we want to give you the first crack at it. The girls and I can help out too.”

“Now I know Callum thinks highly of you and I hear you can handle your own. I don’t doubt you. But you mind me asking, what exactly do you know about renovation and construction?”

“I know we’re damn good at demolition.”

Angus chuckled “Yeah alright, I’ll let you know if I can use you.”

Faith shrugged, the truth was, she really didn’t know much about home renovation and she wasn’t sure if Buffy did either. Otherwise she might have been offended. “We can take orders as well as we give them, we’d get the job done.”

“I got a wife like that, Lass can do anything she puts her mind to,” he smiled, “We’ll take a look later. What can you tell me about this lift?”

“Not much, just that it’s busted. Who knows when that thing was added.”

“Speak for yourself!” Giles called from the living room.

“Oh shit, I forgot his water,” she held up a finger and dashed back into the kitchen to fill the water pitcher while Angus went into the living room. The large ground floor room had been converted into a very large living room. Whatever it had been before, it was unrecognizable now with a TV, cozy furniture, a foosball table, and lots of throw pillows.

“Good heavens, Mr. Giles, what happened to you?”

“Slipped.”

“Guess I needn’t ask what the rush is on this.”

“Sorry, eh Uncle Rupe ,” Faith stressed the honeriffic as she walked into the living room, “Funny thing is he did this after we already had Callum take a look.”

“Mysterious ways, all I got to say on that.”

The doorbell rang again, this time it was Callum. Faith smiled as she opened the door for him.

“Hey, Beautiful,” he smiled.

“Keep your ‘hey’, get in here. You got work to do.”

“Sounds like you want this done in a hurry.”

“You bet I do,” she said with a grin, “I’ll go get Spike, and then I have to check on the girls. You get to work,” she winked.

“Yes ma’am,” he grinned as he eyed her hungrily, watching her go.

“Alright Boy’o, help me get the rest of the stuff out of the van.”

Minutes later they got to work on the elevator. “Does the Lass know what she’s getting into?” Angus asked a moment after they’d started working.

“Oh shut your gob Angus, I should’ve never told you about that,” he grunted as he loosened a rusty bolt, he paused a second, “I get the feeling Faith can give as good as she gets.”

“She’s such a tiny thing, hate for you to break her.”

“Oh hey now that’s enough out of you boy’o. That was one time and it wasn’t as bad as it sounds.”

“Still scared the girl off, didn't it?”

“Did at that,” Callum grunted.

“I’m just saying, you should be upfront with the girl before it gets too far and ya scare her off.”

“Don’t think it’ll come to that.”

Just then Spike cleared his throat, “If there’s something Faith should know… I think you better spill,” he menaced.

“Bloody hell. You know Angus, I’m starting to think the reason I can’t get a good woman to stick around just might be the family!” He grumbled. Callum strained his neck to look at Spike from the awkward position he was in, “Morning Spike, don’t mind us. Angus, Spike, he works here with Faith and her cousin. Spike, my pain in the ass older cousin Angus.”

Spike crossed his arms over his chest, “I dunno, Cal, seeing as Faith is as good as family perhaps I should mind.”

Callum groaned and set his wrench down with a huff. He picked up another tool and kept working, “Go on Angus, since you’re so intent on talking about stuff ya got no right goin on about. You know, I’ll remember this with your wife’s cousins at Christmas and have a chat about your sex life.”

“Shut it Callum, my wife’s had three kids already and we got a fourth on the way. Fairly certain her family knows what we get up to.”

“What’s this got to do with Faith?”

Angus turned to Spike, “Our unassuming handyman here likes a bit of rough with his tumble. Broke the bed once and nearly scared the girl half to death.”

Spike laughed, “Bloody hell, is that all? A broken bed?” Spike continued laughing, “Call me when you have to replace the rest of the furniture after one go. Now that’s a night to remember,” he grinned, “I think Faith will be more than up for that challenge. Girl certainly won't scare that easy.”

“You been there then?” Angus asked in surprise.

Spike noticed as Callum tensed up and stopped what he was doing but didn’t respond or even look up. “What, me and Faith? Bloody hell. Sure there’s chemistry, but no, we never took that trip. The girl's just not shy is all, likes to talk. Buffy is it for me,” Spike clapped his hands loudly, “Anyway, this is me being all helpful like. Where ya need me?”

“I’m done with this bit. Angus, you get the other side. I’ll show Spike what we need to do up top.”

“Make sure he’s got his climbing gear” he said as he went into the elevator and got to work.

“Taken care of,” Spike said.

Spike and Callum gathered up the parts and tools they would need. Callum looked at Spike questionably when he picked up the box with the new pulley and cable system parts. It had taken both he and Angus to get it out of the van. And here was Spike picking it up like a basket of laundry. Callum caught up to him as Spike started up to the top floor where the elevator stopped.

Spike spoke, “That was the truth back there, you know. Faith and I… we never…”

Callum shook his head, “Even if you did, I see the way you look at Buffy. I doubt you’d want to bungle that up.”

“Got that right. Not after everything we’ve been through.”

“A lot, I take it.”

“And then some. End of the world and back.”

Callum nodded then stopped as he realized he might mean that literally. He cleared his throat, “So what’s it like being in a relationship with a Slayer?”

Spike nodded once and took a deep breath for show, “Buffy said Faith clued you in, that’s why you wanted me on my own,” he nodded again, “I get it. Look, I can only tell you what I know about Slayers in general. Buffy is one thing, and most of what I know there is strictly private. Faith is a different story altogether. Girl’s had a seriously rough go, she’s just trying to do what’s right now,” he adjusted his grip as he made a turn on the stairs, “The first thing you gotta understand is this: Slayers exist to fight evil in the world. Their lives are filled with death and the mission will always come first. Before you, before family, before anything. The second thing is, they are still human. They have human problems and they have to deal with those on top of the mission. It’s not the other way round. You get what I’m saying?”

“I think I’m starting to. How’s that working for you?”

“Yeah well, that’s a little different. I got my own redemption arc going on; so I work alongside her, fighting the good fight. It’s harder for mortals,” he gestured towards the heavy box he held and raised an eyebrow. “That’s why you’ve got to be there for her, whatever she needs. She needs a sword, you toss her a sword. She needs a quiet space and a hand to hold, you give it to her. She needs some complex text translated in a dead language or spell work done, you stand back and let the geeks handle it.”

Callum chuckled, “I’ll keep that in mind. So what are you anyway? You look human enough.”

“Didn’t tell you that bit huh?”

“Said it wasn’t her story to tell.”

“Give the girl a prize,” he adjusted the box in his hands again as they continued up the stairs, “Demon. Vampire actually. I look human because I used to be one, look real good for my age.”

Callum stared at him, “Well now the ‘Slayer’ kink thing makes sense.”

“What?”

“Nothing… How’s that work, living with a bunch of Slayers? I thought you were all evil and what all.”

“You mean how does Buffy stand me and why don’t they all stake me in my sleep?” he laughed.

“Is that what Faith meant when she said you were one of a matching set like her and Buffy before… all this. Something special about you?”

“Bloody hell, makes me and soddingAngel sound like a set of bloody collectible salt and pepper shakers. You know, I’m one of only two ensouled-vampires in all the world and she boils it down to that?”

“Don’t know anything about any angel.”

“That’s the bloody git’s name; Angel. That PI you were asking about the other night.”

“Bloody hell.”

“Yup. Faith’s life coach and BFF, Buffy’s soddingex, my grand-sire and a general goodie-goodie pain in the ass.”

“Tight group.”

“In a manner of speaking.”

“You don’t seem to like him much.”

“Pftt- Angel is… We go way back. Some people have daddy issues— not important. Did I mention grand-sire? He’s soddingfamily. Only part of the problem is that he still thinks Buffy should be his. Lucky for me she’s moved on. Even still, bloody git thinks everything should be his. Like he’s so damn special…”

Callum raised an eyebrow, “Ahhh… Anything else I should know?”

“‘Bout Angel?”

“I ment Faith so no, not unless he’s got a claim on her too.”

“Bugger if I know… doubt it. Known Angel for over a hundred and thirty years and he’s always had a preference for blonds. Last I knew he was shagging some werewolf chick, blonde of course.”

“Anything else about being involved with a Slayer or, your little group?”

“The Scoobies. Look man, if you’re going to stick around you’re just going to have to roll with it, weird shit happens weekly, sometimes daily.”

“How do you do it?”

“Simple, I’m with her.”

“I should know better than to ask a poet for love advice.”

“You asked, Superman. Lois Lane, Faith ain’t.”

Callum glared at the use of ‘Superman’, but let it go. Listening intently.

Spike continued, “But seriously, I’ve got an unlife of my own to live. I do things, I come back. Didn’t really get the whole ‘Soulmate’ thing until after I got mine back. Now we got this… well won’t go into that now.”

“Sounds like you got a good thing going.”

“We do.”

“So ahh, where is your climbing gear or don’t you need it?”

“I have some up there. I can climb with the best of ‘em but I’m still going to have to use my hands, you git.”

“Smart ass ain’t you?”

“What ever gave you that idea?”

Later, after they had finished fixing the elevator, Buffy pulled Callum and Angus aside. She was getting ready to take them to look at the duplex while the girls got ready for dinner. They were just heading out when Spike made his way into the kitchen. He made a B-line for the refrigerator and some blood. Instead of putting some in a cup like he normally did, he just grabbed the whole container and popped it in the microwave.

Buffy noticed him and held her index finger up, “I’ll be with you guys in a minute. I just need to talk to Spike and then I’ll show you around in there.”

Angus looked at his watch, “That’s alright, it’s thanks to Spike we got done early. I did tell the wife I’d stop at the market on the way home though so I don’t have long.”

“I’ll be quick!” Buffy shot over her shoulder as she followed Spike out while he tried his best to sneak out of the kitchen.

She caught up to him in the entryway, “Hey, you. How’d it go with the elevator?”

“Ehh it’s alright. Think I might have a lie down.”

Buffy nodded, “What’s with the mini feast?”

“This?” He held up the container of blood and took a drink, “Got a little banged up on that damn maintenance ladder,” he lifted up his forearm to show her several very nasty, very deep cuts. If he wasn’t a vampire she would have been worried about nerve and tendon damage.

“Ouch! Did you get shafted?”

“That was weak, Slayer.”

“I thought it was funny,” she shrugged, “Are we still on for the morning?”

“Field trip? Course we are. I’ll be alright. Little blood, little rest, maybe a little nursing?” He grinned.

“Maybe later. Try that stuff Willow made for me. No idea if it works on vampires but it’s worth a shot. Do you need help wrapping it?”

He shrugged, “I can manage. I’ll give that stuff a try. Speaking of little Red, you got whatever you need for tomorrow?”

“Willow was able to dig up some maps of the area. She emailed them to me last night. They aren’t complete but that’s kind of the point. The important part is that now thanks to some fancy computer tinkering Wil was able to do on the girls' phones now she can track them underground as well as on the surface. At least in theory she should be able to. They are also magically enhanced so that gives them a boost. That’s part of what we will be testing out. Oh by the way, even if the tunnels do go clear into Edinburgh, I’m not counting this as our trip. Got it?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Pet. You know, it seems to me like Red is really taking on this techno-witch stuff a lot more.”

“What do you mean, she’s always been great at this stuff, she's just combining it more now.”

“Still seems complicated, even for her.”

Buffy shrugged, “At least she’s not getting into trouble with it.”

“For now. Alright, Pet, I’m going to disappear for a bit. I'll see you later,” He gave her a quick kiss.

“Probably sooner than you think. I’m taking the guys to look at our place now and then I think I’m having the girls rip out the old nasty carpeting. After that I’m calling it. They got way more done today than I thought they would. They’ll need some sleep if we’re taking them out before the crack of dawn.”

It was about an hour later when Angus pulled away from the castle in the work van. The elevator was in full working order now. Buffy was still discussing her plans for the duplex with Callum when Faith came in from outside. “Hey you two, I’m about to call it a day,” she said almost triumphantly, “My girls are finishing up and then hitting the showers. I’m heading there myself.”

Callum flashed her a wicked grin, “I’ll just gather up the rest of my things then shall I?”

Faith walked up to him “I won’t be long,” she went up onto her toes to kiss him, “A lot more where that came from.”

“Promise?”

Without answering Faith turned and headed for the stairs. Buffy shook her head “And the weird just keeps getting weirder.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He chuckled as he took some things out to his car. Buffy followed him.

“Just that I never thought I’d see Faith like… well that. She really only ever had the one real ‘boyfriend’ that I know of and I don’t remember her ever getting the cartoon heart eyes over him,” Buffy watched him as his eyes lit up. “Yup, looks like the mutual crazies in full bloom to me.”

He closed the back door to the car, “The what now?”

“Mutual crazies, I think Faith might have coined the term… or maybe not, I don’t remember. It’s what we call the head-over-heels kind of love.”

“Like you and Spike?”

“Definitely.”

They went back inside while Callum gathered up the last few tools and tucked them away in his toolbox, “I wouldn't mind being crazy for a girl like that.”

“Yeah, good luck with that,” Buffy said, “Do you need help with anything?”

“I only have my things here. You can take that out if you like,” he indicated towards a set of heavy bolt cutters that didn’t fit into the toolbox, “Angus took the rest and Spike was a big help. Except for taking stuff outside, I guess the sun thing is true.”

Buffy looked at him curiously, “You talked to Spike?” she asked as she followed him back outside with the bolt cutters.

“Ahh yeah… gave me a bit to think about. Made it clear that getting in it with a slayer isn’t something to take lightly.”

“He knows better than anyone. He was around enough to see all my other relationships do a Hindenburg and stood there commenting on what they were doing wrong. Even when we hated each other, he knew me better than anyone. He knows Slayers, especially me.”

“Yeah he kinda mentioned that. So what, he like studded Slayers or was a Watcher before he was turned or something?”

Buffy actually laughed at that idea, “Oh he studied alright! Spike is the only vampire in history to kill more than one of us. He hunted Slayers, that’s how we met actually. He came to town to kill me.”

Callum raised an eyebrow as they went back into the castle, “How exactly—“

“Super long story. It was a seriously freaky mess for way too long.”

“And somehow you ended up together?”

“Seriously long story…” she paused a moment, hesitating, “Callum?”

“Yeah?”

“Did Spike mention the nightmares?”

“What nightmares?”

“I’ll take that as a big N-O,” Buffy nodded, “All Slayers get prophetic dreams, sometimes they can be pretty freaky. Then there’s me and Faith; we’ve been around longer, seen a lot more crazy. So some serious nightmares are part of the perky-package. Some can be pretty brutal. Mix that with super strength… not always the friendliest cuddle buddy. I don’t know how she deals with hers but I know she gets them too. I’m better when Spike is there but then again he can handle it without getting beat to a pulp.”

“Do you mean like PTSD or something like that?”

“Humm sort of, yeah, I guess so.”

“Nope, he didn’t mention that bit. Thanks for the heads-up.”

“Yeah well I’m not surprised he didn’t bring it up, he gets them more than I do, so consider the source. When you hold the record for the most brutal vampire in history second only to the one who taught you and then suddenly decide to go get a soul and go all good guy… it tends to leave a mark,” she laughed darkly.

“He was… that’s…”

“That’s the glamorous life we lead.”

“But he has a soul. I mean he seems like a pretty good guy.”

“Sounds like you two got chummy.”

“We had a pretty good chat.”

“Huhh… he must like you. He doesn’t usually play well with others.”

“Sounds like a dog I had once, he was fine with the family; didn’t do well with strangers.”

Buffy laughed, “Was your dog named Spike too?”

“Nah, it was Merlin, actually,” he laughed.

“Good name.”

“Yeah well I had a bit of an obsession as a kid. Probably how I ended up getting into fighting to begin with.”

“You fight?”

“I used to fight. Used to compete.”

“Seriously? Sort of explains you and Faith.”

“Don’t think it’s actually come up to be honest. Most of our conversations have consisted of home improvement and Slaying.”

“Lots of territory to cover then.”

“Little afraid she’s going to want to spar, could be interest—“ Callum cut off as Faith came down the stairs.

For the second time she had foregone her usual jeans in favor of something more feminine. It wasn’t anything fancy, just a simple knit dress in a muted red. It was one of three dresses that she had let Buffy talk her into on their shopping trip. She had paired it with a pair of low slip-on shoes Buffy recognized as her own. She also carried a small book-bag style purse Buffy was sure she must have borrowed from one of the girls. It was such a comfy casual outfit she barely looked like she was going on a date at all, in fact she looked like she could be taking a walk in the park rather than planning her first overnight with her new guy. And yet Callum looked at her like she was Cinderella at the ball.

“Wow, you look beautiful.”

“Thanks, I don’t really do dresses much but this one is super comfortable.”

W

“Are you ready to go? I’m going to have to hit the shower myself when we get to my place, hadn't thought that one through.”

“That’s ok, it’ll give me a chance to get nosie,” she winked.

[hiswhiteknight]

Unbelievably Outlandish– Part 10

Summary:  Before starting down a new crossroads, the Reader goes onto an adventure of literary traveling. Suddenly tossed into an unbelievable story that has swept the world, The Outlander Series itself. How will a twenty first century woman survive?

Note: I own no characters, except reader, clearly this is based off the lovely book series Outlander by Diana Gabaldon and tv show. This follows more the tv show, but it’s far from accurate. I’m going to try to get better with using less proper English, but who knows maybe I’ll get into Scottish slang.

Pairing: Jamie Fraser x Female Reader 

Words: 1400

Warning: Angst, playfulness, cursing, slow start, obvious fighting and violence, mention of suicide

*I’ll be honest, this chapter is more of a fuller, substance chapter. If you wanted to be added to the tag list, please send me a message or chat. Thank you for everyone’s patience!

The hunt still left you plenty in your thoughts. It should be on helping in whatever way you can, but you kept thinking on your role here and how you clearly will never belong, no matter how to try to be kind and open to the culture, no matter how much you push away your own values and morals for these people. It will never matter. Rupert yelled your name, catching your attention. A man got hurt and you help mend what you can before instructing Rupert to bring him back to the village. Another scream, a different type of scream caused you to be pulled from you own thoughts of now and into the times of wartime. You charge to the scream, you found a man losing blood quickly, and a shot pulled you from your thoughts. The boar that did this must have been shot, “Mistress Y/L/N, am I going to die?”

 All the pressure and anger you felt subsided, “Hold of Geordie, let me look at you,” several clansmen surrounded you. Dougal showed up to hold Geordie as you tried to patch up his leg. Dougal and him were exchanging words when you saw the wounds to his abdomen. Dougal made eye contact with you and you knew he knew what you were saying. You pulled off the tourniquet, and grabbed his hand, “Geordie, the pain is going to be go soon, but while we wait, I have a bet with Angus.” Geordie looked at you the way many men have looked at you before in the Marine. You had to bring him peace in the time of his panic, “I bet Angus that the colonies had more beautiful sites than Scotland. Tell me about your home, what’s it like?”

 Georgie perked up as he told you about his home and you gripped his hand with all your might and continue to stroke his hair to help sooth him. And soon he was gone, you quickly got up and made your way to your horse. Before you knew what you were doing, you made your way to the castle. You needed some busy work, like stitching up the leg of the man who was also attacked by the boar. Afterwards, you walked outside to see the men playing field hockey, which you played for a few years in high school. This was far more barbaric, and you could see Dougal taking his rage out on Jamie. He could cope in anger, but if you did this, you would be gutted.

 You wondered who would win in a fight and you had no doubt Jamie would win. When you saw Dougal on the ground, a young girl from one of your lessons tugged on your arm, “Well hello Molly dear, you enjoying the gathering?” There is no reason to take your rage on children, they didn’t do anything wrong. Honestly, teaching them defense things and survival tactics was the most time you felt at peace, well except when you were with – never mind that thought.

 “Aye mistress, very much,” you smile down at her, “I heard about your ill-wish and I know who made it. They did not know it was intended for you when they gave it to the girl.”

Guilt hit your chest again, someone was scared you were going to hurt them for being an accomplice. You were letting the harshness of one person hurt your relationship with the majority, “You know who put it under my bed?”

 “Aye mistress,” she whispered, “You wouldn’t be telling my mother, would you? She wouldn’t be wanting me to get into others business.”

 You bent down to her level, “Tell you what,” you pull out your coin bag with most of the money you made for yourself while staying here – your escape money, “I’ll tell your mother you helped me collect supplies for the gathering, which is why I paid you all this. And you tell me who put it under my bed?”

 “Mistress, I don’t need your money. Girls aren’t allowed to learn the things you are teaching. You don’t deserve any ill-wishes. You’re lovely,” you smile up at her.

 You pass her the bag, “You’ve earned it dear, I keep my word. Give me the name and the money is yours.”

 “Laoghaire,” she whispered. You shot up, looking around completely shocked.

 “Alrighty lass,” you pat her on the shoulder, “If you don’t mind, I have business to take care of.”

 “Be careful, please,” she urged after you.

 You had a hyper focus again, you intended to kick her ass, like you reported. And you found her socializing where most of the clan put up tent for the gathering. You passed Murtagh and Jamie, taking off your sling bag off and your dagger from your waistband and handed it to one of them, “Murtagh, could you mind this for me?”

 “I’m not your errand boy, lass, and where you going that you won’t need this,” he questioned.

 “You’re a pretty face, Murtagh, you ask too many questions,” you sass to him, looking at your target. Jamie and him stopped leaning on a post, both putting their drinks down. They could clearly tell you mean business. “Hey, Laoghaire, you two faced, toxic bitch, I got your gift earlier and I would like show you my appreciation.”

 She had the audacity to give you a glare, before she realized she was in real danger. She started to step backwards, and the crowd started to grow around you as you moved closer to the girl, “Leave me alone, wench.”

 “Oh, you do have words now that you can use. I thought you might be too stupid to speak up and say something since you chose to instead use this voodoo bullshit to get at me. You want to bring me pain lady, let’s go at it,” you finally were within three feet of her. Before you could make a grab at her, she ran in another direction.

 You were about to put your running skills to work, when Murtagh gripped your arm, “Come on lass, you made your point let’s get you back to the surgery.”

 “You know what, I’m a little busy right now. But I’ll meet you in the kitchen in a few, we can have some tea to cleanse our spirit, la de da and all,” you keep her in your eye sights. You were about to start your chase when you were tossed over a shoulder. Murtagh was carrying you back as you banged on his back. You were mad in this moment because you gave your dagger away to this meathead or he would have suffered from a few, no lethal jabs. He dropped you in the surgery room, “Damn it, Murtagh what the hell is wrong with you?”

 “With me, you were about to put a big target on your back. You’re a guest here lass, they don’t take too kindly to guests attacking one of their kin,” he leaned against the counter.

 You started to cry, and you usually do not cry, “Does it mean nothing I didn’t start it? Her action deserves a consequence. I watch all men here fight over nothing and here I am fighting against an injustice and my life is at danger. Do I not matter to anyone where? Should I just go to the tallest tower and jump?”

 “Don’t be so dramatic, an ill wish is nothing,” he urged to you. He didn’t seem too phased by the fact you were crying, though he did soften his voice to show sympathy, “I know you don’t believe any of nonsense. You are a smart woman.” You started to toss things about the surgery, organizing all the stuff you brought out for the hunt. Murtagh walked over to you and stopped you by gripping the top of both your arms, “Y/N, you matter more than you know. Stop this behavior, you’ll get accustomed.”

 “Murtagh, why do I always have to be the one to change? What do I have to do to feel like I belong here, how long will it take for people to believe I’m not an outsider?”

 He took a deep breath again, “I know it doesn’t seem it now and I don’t know how, but you do belong here. It’ll come in time. Until then, stop picking fights.”

 “Yes father,” you rolled your eyes, “Where is Jamie, I assume he has my bags and things?”

 “Aye, right now he is taken care of Laoghaire, so you needed be worrying about her anymore,” he said, making his way to the stairs.

 “Unless he has killed her and hid the body, I’ll keep to worry about her and her no good deeds, thank you,” you shouted at him. “And make sure Jamie brings back my things sooner rather than later.”

 And before Jamie could drop off your things, Dougal Mackenzie came down to share you would be journeying out to collect rent from the clan who wasn’t able to make it.

PART 11

 Taglist:  @doctorwhatwhenandwhere @damnedandbroken @blushingpogue @blancastans @slytherinambitious @kinky-asher @lovesanimals @bilesxbilinskixlahey

[vanillacaramelhoney]

Different (2)

Pairing(s): Five Hargreeves x Reader

Summary: "We can always tell them."

Warnings: Fightingg, violence, death, y’know the usual

A/N: The fight scene at Griddy’s is my absolute favorite aside from the board massacre lmao

Fair warning- I’m shit at writing fight scenes!!!

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YN stayed in the house for the funeral, not wanting to intrude.

She didn't know Reginald aside from the stories Five told her in the apocalypse. They were enough for her to know that there was a lot of baggage that their father left them to carry.

She felt that she'd be intruding, despite what Five told her.

"You're a part of this family, y'know," Five pointed out as they had changed. "You're allowed to be out there."

"Yeah, but I didn't even know the man," YN reasoned. "Besides, they don't know that."

"We can always tell them."

YN looked back at Five, a playful smirk spreading across her face. "What happened to wanting to keep your love life private?" she teased.

Five scoffed, but there was only mock annoyance behind.

"Besides, I think Diego would try to kill you if we told him we're married."

"How do you two know each other?" Five asked, turning to her. He wore his old uniform. YN wore one of his as well but didn't wear the full set. She was glad that she was the right size for them.

"He knows my mom," she shrugged.

Five gave her a look of confusion but didn't comment on it.

From what Five told her, the funeral didn't go well- not that she expected it to go any better than it did. Diego's behaviour didn't exactly surprise her, and what she knew of him and his siblings, the fight wasn't a surprise either.

That didn't mean she wasn't upset with him.

Now, though, she watched as Five dug through the kitchen. She sat on the edge of the table, her feet resting on a chair.

Klaus sat at the head of the table across from her. He held onto a guitar, his shoes discarded on the table.

Allison joined the three. "Where's Vanya?"

"Oh," Klaus spoke, "she's gone."

"That's unfortunate." YN glanced back at Five.

"Yeah," Allison agreed, giving him an odd look.

"An entire square block," Five said. "Forty-two bedrooms, nineteen bathrooms, but not a single drop of coffee." He looked up at his sister.

YN rolled her eyes at the reminder of his caffeine addiction.

"Dad hated caffeine," Allison reminded him.

"Well, he hated children, too, and he had plenty of us," Klaus laughed pathetically at his joke, stopping abruptly.

Allison and Five stared at him a moment.

"I'm taking the car," Five said.

Klaus sat up in his seat, moving the guitar. "Where are you going?"

"To get a decent cup of coffee," Five told him. He looked to YN. "You coming?" With a nod, she dropped off the table.

"Do either of you even know how to drive?" Allison asked.

"We know how to do everything."

"It was great meeting you all," YN smiled before Five grabbed her hand, and they jumped out of the kitchen.

Klaus stood from his seat. "I feel like we should try and stop them, but then again, I also just kinda want to see what happens."

They could hear the engine start, followed by the stifled sound of the car leaving.

Diego walked in, already speaking. "I guess I'll see you guys in, what, ten years? When Pogo dies?"

"Not if you die first," Allison said, stepping away from him.

"Yeah, love you, too, sis," Diego fired back. He glanced around the kitchen. "YN leave?"

"The girl?" Klaus asked.

"Yeah."

"Her and Five ran off to get coffee, apparently."

Diego let out an annoyed sigh, stepping away and moving to leave.

The shifting neon lights above Griddy's was a welcomed sight for YN. She seldom visited with Diego, and on occasion, her mother joined when she was free. After a while, though, she started coming on her own and became acquainted with Agnes, who always served her.

The two climbed out of the car, and Five led the way to the diner.

A man held the door open for them as he left, earning a quick thank you from YN.

They settled next to each other at the counter. YN reached over and rang a short tune with the bell.

Five gave her a confused look as she settled back.

She looked back at him innocently.

"What?" she asked.

"What was that?" he asked.

"I haven't seen Agnus in a long time, and I always did that when I would come in," she pouted. "Leave me alone."

Five let out a chuckle and shook his head in amusement.

Behind them, the door opened, and footsteps came up to the counter. A man sat down in a chair close to Five.

Agnus came from the back room, and YN beamed at the sight of her.

"Sorry," the waitress apologized. "The sink was clogged." With a smile, she pulled out her pad of paper and pen.

"What'll it be?" she asked, looking at the man.

"Uh, give me a chocolate eclair." Agnus wrote down the order. She glanced up at Five.

"Can I get the kid a glass of milk or something?"

YN stifled back a laugh as Five scoffed. "The kid wants coffee. Black."

Agnus glanced at the man, uncertain of what to do. "Cute kid," she laughed. Looking back at Five, he gave her an uncomfortable smile.

She quickly moved on to YN.

"Nice to see you again, dear," she said, trying not to look back at Five. "Want your usual?"

"Yes, please," YN spoke softly.

Agnus gave her a nod before stepping back to the coffee pot.

Five let out a soft sigh. 

"Don't remember this place being such a shithole," he said, earning a gentle push from YN. "I used to come here as a kid. Used to sneak out with my brothers and sisters- eat donuts 'till we puked. Simpler times, huh?"

The man next to them seemed confused- understandably so, YN thought.

"I suppose," he responded.

Angus returned to the counter, balancing four items in her hands. She placed two coffees down- one for Five and the other for YN- and gave the man his eclair and YN her favorite pastry.

The man had pulled out his wallet, holding out money to Agnus.

"I got theirs," he said.

"Thanks." The two spoke in unison.

It was quiet for a moment as YN dug into her food. It had been almost a full day now since she'd last eaten anything, so she wasn't going to let it go to waste.

"You must know your way around the city."

YN looked up at Five, who stared at the man.

"I hope so," the man said. "I've been driving it for twenty years."

"Good," Five said. "We need an address."

YN raised a brow at him, unsure of where this was going.

She watched as the man wrote the address down on a napkin and slid it over to Five.

With a curt smile- one more pleasant than what he offered Agnus- Five took it and looked the address over.

YN looked at it over his shoulder, glancing back as the man left the restaurant.

"What's that for?" she questioned as he folded and pocketed the napkin.

Five opened his mouth to speak but shut it when the door opened again. Through the reflection of the bell, they could see armed men dressed in black behind them. Two had their weapons raised to each of their heads.

YN sighed as she stared down at her unfinished pastry. Did it really need to be this hard to get some food?

"That was fast," Five hummed. "Thought we'd have more time before they found us."

"Okay," the man holding his gun to Five's head spoke. "Let's be professional about this, yeah? On your feet, and come with us. They want to talk."

With a sigh, YN propped her arm up and rested her chin in the palm of her hand.

"We've got nothing to say."

"It doesn't have to go this way. You think I wanna shoot some kids? Go home with that on my conscience?"

"Well, I wouldn't worry about that." Five and YN glanced at each other. YN looked forward again, and Five looked back at the man. "You won't be going home."

Letting Five take the lead, YN waiting until he disappeared from his chair to drop from her seat and duck down.

The man that was aiming at her followed her movement, ready to shoot.

She moved faster, using her weight and swiping the man off his feet. He stumbled to the ground, landing on a conveniently placed pile of ice shards that pierced through his body. They melted to water seconds later, leaving no evidence behind.

"Hey, assholes!" Five's voice rang out in the diner, attracting the attention of the men.

As the men shot wildly at where he used to be seconds ago, YN used the distraction.

Focusing, a sharp wave of her hand brought shards of ice flying through the floor at the men. Only two got hit, the others taking cover from them before turning their shots on the girl. She avoided as best as she could, all while being jealous of Five's ability to jump around and avoid everything.

The boy wrapped his tie around the neck of a man, while another tried to aim at him. YN kicked at the other, and he stumbled back.

Forming a flat but sharp piece of ice in her hand, she rushed him, swinging at his neck with the ice. He dropped to the ground, blood pouring out and pooling around him.

YN scrunched her nose at the sight, dropping the ice.

Turning, she caught sight of the last two men trying to corner Five. He disappeared as they shot, leaving them to shoot at each other. They sank to the ground, dead, and the fight was finally over.

YN let out a laugh as Five retrieved his tie from a man's corpse.

"What's so funny?" he asked, wrapping his tie back around his neck.

"They were a couple of idiots," she said.

"You know, for someone so sweet, you can be real awful sometimes," Five said. YN smiled at him, shrugging.

The sounds of grunts caught their attention, and YN's smile fell.

Five moved to stand over the last man, crouching down to snap his neck. There, he caught sight of the tracking device and picked it up.

He showed it to YN, who groaned.

"You wanna go first?" he asked.

"Not really."

They sat back at the counter.

YN watched in displeasure as Five took a knife to his arm, cutting into the skin. He dug into the wound with his fingers, grunting in pain.

He pulled out a small pill-shaped device that blinked green. He set it aside before handing the knife over to YN.

"Your hands are still black," he commented.

A side effect of solidifying liquids came in the form of frostbite on her hands. It would never hurt her, but her hands and fingers would ache and freeze for a certain amount of time as it faded.

"Are you sure you can do this?" Five asked, noticing the severe shake to her hands. "Are you alright?" He hadn't seen the side effects in so long that it was odd to see them again.

"I'm fine," YN assured him. "I didn't know I had powers at this age, so I never used them. I guess being back at this age and using them so much all of a sudden is taking a toll on my body."

"Here, give it to me," Five insisted.

With a sigh, she traded the knife back and held out her arm for him.

Her face scrunched in pain as he cut through, stopping when it was open enough. He did the same for her, reaching in and pulling out the tracking device.

"Can we go now?"

They left the shop hand-in-hand, Five ignoring the cold her hand gave off.

He dropped the devices by the sewer drain.

"Where to now, babe?" YN asked.

"Vanya's."

The click of a lock and creaking hinges filled the dark room where YN and Five sat, waiting.

YN could faintly see a figure's outline, who she assumed was Vanya. Hoped was more like it.

Five clicked on a light, revealing their presence.

Vanya looked at them, startled. "Jesus!" she breathed.

"You should have locks on your windows," Five told her.

"I live on the second floor."

"Rapists can climb."

Vanya paused. "You are so weird."

She turned and closed the door before removing her coat and draping it over the back of the couch.

She sat down on the couch.

She looked over the two, more focused on her brother than the girl who rested against the back of the chair he sat on.

"Is that blood?" she asked them. Her gaze stayed on their arms.

YN moved her arm out of sight, which was much more visible than Five's.

"It's nothing," Five said.

Vanya shifted, not liking his answer. "Why are you here?"

"I've decided you're the only one I can trust."

"Why me?"

"Because you're ordinary." YN discreetly flicked the back of his head. He sighed at her. "Because you'll listen."

With a soft 'okay,' she stood up and disappeared into a room. She returned shortly with medical supplies, to which Five rolled up the sleeve of the blazer.

The woman took a sharp breath at the sight of his wound.

"When I jumped forward and got stuck in the future, do you know what I found?" Five spoke.

"No."

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. For a while, I thought I was the last person alive. I found YN, who managed to survive by luck.

"I never figured out what killed the human race, but I did find something else. The date it happens. The world ends in eight days, and I have no idea how to stop it."

During Five's explanation, YN had been waved over to the couch by Vanya so she could take care of her arm as well.

Vanya stared at her brother in silence as she tried to register the bomb he had dropped on her.

"I'll put on a pot of coffee."

----Taglist

@fancytravelerbird​

[jensengirl83]

Unsung Verses Chapter 7

Rockstar!Dean x plus sized reader

Word Count- 4201

Summary-Y/N and Dean have been best friends since high school, in a band together, and dated for a year but decided they were better off friends. They play gig after gig trying to get discovered, but once they sign a record deal, will fame be all it’s cracked up to be? Or will it be too much for their relationship to handle? Join them on their adventure to fame and find out!

Warnings-  Angst, Fluff, Language, Smut

A/N- Song in this cahpter is “You’re The One That I Want” by John Travolta and Olivia Newton John from the movie Grease. I hope everyone enjoys!

Lyrics will be in italics.

Thank you to @deanwanddamons​​​​ for being my beta for this series!

Text dividers made by @firefly-graphics​​​​

Series Masterlist

Series Spotify Playlist

The playlist is a big part of the series!

Y/N’s eyes were beginning to strain as she drove down the interstate. They had been on the road for around ten hours now, and she had been driving the last four. She had made Dean let her take over when she noticed his eyes beginning to droop. She had managed to get a few hours of sleep and wanted to let him rest for a little while. Once the sun was fully risen, the odd lighting of the sky should dissipate and ease the strain on her eyes. At least she hoped it would. 

“Where are we?” Dean’s groggy voice interrupted her train of thought. 

“About an hour outside of Grand Junction, Colorado,” she laughed when she glanced over and noticed his hair. It was sticking up all over his head. 

“That’s pretty much halfway. We’ll stop there and get a room and some food. I could use a shower,” he grumbled, sitting up in the seat. 

“You sure? I can keep driving for a little while,” 

“I’m sure, babe. You could use a break and food too, I’m sure,” he yawned, still trying to wake up fully. 

“Okay. I guess I could eat something when we get there,” she said, smiling at him as he took her hand in his, bringing it up to his lips. 

“Yeah, and I know we could both use more sleep,” he stated. 

“Not going to argue with you on that one,” she laughed. 

They made small talk as Y/N drove them to Grand Junction, discussing subjects like what they wanted to eat and which hotel they should stay in. Dean had been searching Google for which ones were on route. They decided on Motel 6 and the diner across the street from it, agreeing there was no need to be extravagant since they were only there to eat and sleep before they got back on the road. 

Y/N sighed in relief as she pulled into the parking lot and cut the engine, needing food and a bathroom. She opened the door and exited the car, stretching her arms over her head to loosen her muscles, Dean laughing at the exaggerated groan that left her. He walked around the front of the Impala and kissed her on the forehead. 

“I’ll go get us a room, and you can go ahead to the diner and get us a table, sweetheart,” he said. 

“First thing I’m doing when I get to the diner is using their bathroom!” she exclaimed. 

“I swear, you have the bladder of a toddler,” Dean huffed with a smile. 

“Shut it, Angus!” she groaned in faux annoyance. 

“Okay, go pee, and I’ll be there in a few minutes,” he shouted over his shoulder as he walked to the lobby. 

He didn’t have to tell her twice. She was across the street and through the door in a matter of seconds, going straight for their facilities. Once she was done and her hands washed, she made her way to a booth, sliding in and looking over the menu as she waited for Dean to join her. She hadn’t been looking at the menu for very long when she noticed movement out of the corner of her eye. Looking up, she saw a man standing by their table, a smirk on his face. 

“Hey there. Mind if I join you?” 

“Actually, I do. My boyfriend is on his way,” she said, trying to be nice but as firm as she could. 

“Come on now. No need to lie to me,” he chuckled, obviously not getting it. 

“I’m not lying. Now, could you please leave?” she asked, her tone a lot sharper than before.

“Hey, sweetheart. Who’s this?” Dean questioned, walking up to the booth and sitting across from her. 

“No one. I’m leaving,” the man said, turning to walk away briskly.  

“Okay...Well, what looks good, Freddie?” Dean asked her like nothing was going on. 

“Really? You have nothing to say about that?” she was confused about how he was acting as if no one had been standing there trying to hit on her. 

“What do you want me to say? I know there’s no reason for me to be worried about guys trying to pick you up,” 

She thought she could physically feel her heart shatter with his words. She knew she was overweight and not the most attractive woman out there, but Dean saying he had nothing to worry about because of it really hurt. Why would he even say something like that to her? 

“Where’s the room key?” she asked, her voice trying to break. 

“Why? What’s wrong?” his voice laced with concern. 

“The key?” she growled, holding her hand out. 

“No, not until you tell me what’s going on,” he sighed, confused about what was going on. 

“I’m not making a scene in here, Dean. Just give me the damn key!” she glared at him, trying to keep back her tears until she was alone in their room. 

“What the hell is wrong with you? I just got here, and you’re pissed at me? What could I have done in two minutes?” he asked, raising his voice a little. 

“Dean…” 

“Here, there’s the key,” he slid it across the table to her, “I don’t know what happened, but this is ridiculous,” 

“Just as ridiculous as dating the unattractive, fat girl that you don’t have to worry about anyone wanting, huh?” she fumed, leaving him sitting at the table with his jaw slack in shock. 

She was in tears, choking back sobs as she crossed the street and into the hotel. All she wanted was to get to their room and lock herself in the bathroom. She should have known that a man as attractive as Dean would ever honestly want her or think she was beautiful. Sure, she wasn’t a dog, but she wasn’t a supermodel either. 

Her hands shook as she got the door to their room open, dropping the key on the chest of drawers and throwing herself on the bed. She had wanted to hide in the bathroom but couldn’t bring herself to make it that far. She had the key anyway, so it wasn’t like he could get in to bother her. She was so lost in her misery that she didn’t hear the door open and Dean entering the room. 

“Y/N, baby, talk to me, please!” he pleaded, laying on the bed and curling up to her back, “Why would you ever think something like that?” 

“How did you get in here?” she asked. 

“They gave me two keys. Now, talk to me,” he whispered. 

“Just leave me alone,” she sobbed, feeling him cuddled to her back, making her even more self-conscious. 

“Freddie...Please. Is it because I said I wasn’t jealous?” he begged, running his hand up and down her side. 

“You said you didn’t have anything to worry about as if you knew that no one would want me!” she cried. 

“Oh, sweetheart. That’s not what I meant. I meant that I trusted you, and I know you would never hurt me like that. I’m crazy jealous! I was trying to hide it because I thought it would make you think I didn’t trust you,” he whispered in her ear, leaving light kisses on her neck and shoulder. 

“Really?” she whimpered, turning over to look at him. 

“I promise! I’m crazy about you, darlin’. You should know that. I can hardly keep my hands off of you!” he chuckled.

“But why? You could get someone so much better than me,” she sighed. 

“Are you kidding me?! You’re all I want. You’re beautiful, smart, caring, and sexy as hell,” he growled, nibbling on her neck. 

“Dean…” she moaned, his mouth on her sending heat straight to her core. 

“Let me show you how much I want you, Y/N. No other woman has ever turned me on as you do,” he said, moving his lips from her neck to her shoulder and then to her collar bone. 

She didn’t answer him, just let him continue his path down her chest, his lips kissing every inch on the way down. Her skin felt like it was on fire anywhere he touched her, a feeling no other man has ever given her. His hands were calloused from playing the guitar and working on the Impala, but so gentle when they were gliding across her skin. 

She couldn’t stop the moan that passed her lips as his hands slid under her shirt, running up her sides to cup her breasts and squeeze lightly, thumbing her nipples through her cotton bra. She arched her back into his touch, her core clenching around nothing as he teased her. He lifted her shirt over her breasts and pulled one of her nipples in his mouth, sucking lightly through the fabric, eliciting another moan from her, before removing her shirt to reveal her partially naked chest to him. 

“So damn beautiful,” he whispered against her skin, looking up to lock eyes with her, “Always driving me crazy, making me so hard,” 

He didn’t wait for a response before reaching behind her and popping the clasp of her bra, throwing it across the room. He kissed his way back up her chest, her neck, and across her jaw, finally making it to her lips. There was no rush in the kiss. His lips were moving with a softness that left her breathless, his tongue caressing hers as if it was the most fragile thing on the earth. His hands were warm and soft against her cheeks as he held her, showing her how much he wanted her without a word spoken. 

“I’m so fucking in love with you,” he whispered against her kiss swollen lips, both of them panting with desire, “There will never be another woman for me, sweetheart,” 

“I love you…” she moaned as his hand slid under the waistband of her jeans and rubbed over her clothed heat. 

His fingers felt so good against her, moving slowly over her panties, pressing against her clit every so often. He removed his hand and popped the button to her jeans, moving down her body to pull them and her panties off in one go. Once he had them off and had disposed of them, he sat back and looked at her with an expression of awe. He would never be able to put into words how beautiful she was and how much she meant to him, but he would never stop trying to show her. 

He stood and undressed, his eyes never leaving her, taking in the sight of her panting and wrecked, waiting for him. He didn’t think he had ever been so turned on as he was when he was with her, but it wasn’t just sex when he was with her. He wanted to please her, not even caring about himself. 

She watched as he moved in between her legs, his muscular body hovering over her, holding himself up with his forearms. The warmth of his body caused her to shiver, not because she was cold but from the anticipation of feeling him inside her. 

“You ready, sweetheart?” He whispered, his forehead pressed against hers. 

“Please…” she begged, needing to feel him. 

He smiled at the tremor in her voice, knowing she wanted him as much as he did her. Reaching between them, he lined himself up at her entrance and moved his hips enough to slide in just an inch. He pulled and pushed a few times, both groaning as he became fully seated inside her. He buried his face in her neck as he gave them a moment to adjust to each other. Y/N rolled her eyes in ecstasy with how he filled and stretched her in the best of ways. 

“Fuck...so tight, baby. Feels so good,” 

“Move, Dean. Please…” she moaned, moving her hips against him. 

“Patience, sweetheart. I’ve got you. I’ve always got you,” he growled, nibbling on her ear. 

He withdrew his hips and moved back in at a slow pace, hitting that spot in her with every thrust. His hips were pushing against her sensitive bud, driving her to the edge faster than she had anticipated. The sound of their wanton moans and skin against skin was all that could be heard as she felt the coil tighten in her belly. 

“I-I’m so c-close,” she whined, her body beginning to shake. 

“Come for me, beautiful. I’m right behind you,” his voice was wrecked with desire, “I need to feel you let go for me,” 

That’s all it took, and she was coming, his name passing her lips in a breathless chant. She wrapped her legs around his hips, drawing him deeper into her, causing him to fall over the edge. His thrusts became erratic before he stilled deep, hips pressed against hers, moaning filthy praises in her ear, and came. His body shook as he tried to hold himself above her, not wanting to crush her as he tried to catch his breath. 

After a few minutes of light kisses and whispered praises, he moved to stand and walked to the bathroom, coming back out with a washcloth to clean her and then himself. Y/N smiled, feeling loved and content with how he wanted to take care of her. Once he crawled in bed beside her, she rolled to lay her head on his chest, his arm pulling her closer. 

“I don’t want you ever thinking that you’re aren’t exactly who I want, Freddie. Do you hear me? I’ve never been as happy as I am when I’m with you,” he whispered, kissing her head. 

“I’m sorry. I let my insecurities get to me when I shouldn’t,” she sighed, knowing it was something she had to work on. 

“You don’t have to apologize. Just promise me next time you feel this way, you’ll come and talk to me so I can show you just how beautiful you are and how much I love you,” he said, squeezing her against him. 

“I promise,” she smiled. How did she ever get so lucky? 

“Get some rest, sweetheart. We still have a long drive ahead of us,” 

He tilted her chin, so she was looking at him, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. They both were exhausted and needed the rest. Y/N fell asleep in his arms with a smile on her face, never feeling as loved as she did when she was with him, and she was determined to show him just what he meant to her too. 

Y/N was loading their overnight bag in the trunk when Dean walked back from the diner, bag of food and coffee in hand. She laughed at the goofy grin on his face as he shook the bag at her, holding it up in the air like a trophy. Granted, they were both starving since breakfast had got ruined earlier. 

Dusk was beginning to settle in as the sun sank lower in the sky, both of them agreeing that they enjoyed driving better at night. There was less traffic to deal with, and there was just something so peaceful about driving with the stars in the sky above them. Y/N settled in the passenger’s seat as Dean got in and handed her a cup of coffee, sitting the bag of food between them. 

“I just talked to Sam. They will be landing around ten in the morning. I figured with what drive time we have left and a few pit stops, we should make it at the same time,” he told her before taking a bite out of his burger. 

“Sounds good. I’ve really enjoyed this trip with you, but I’m ready to get there,” she laughed at Dean’s fake pouting. 

“I see how it is. You just can’t wait to get away from me!” he said, clutching his chest in fake hurt. 

“Calm down, drama king! You do remember we are going to be living together, right?” she asked with a chuckle. 

“Oh, I remember, sweetheart. It’s just going to be you and me. The fun we’re going to have christening that penthouse,” he laughed, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“Is that all you ever think about?” she asked, rolling her eyes but with a smile on her face. 

“When I’ve got a woman that looks like you, how am I not supposed to think about it?” he whispered, leaning over to kiss on her neck. 

“Okay, Casanova. We have to get on the road,” she giggled, shoving him away by his face. 

“Fine, fine. But once we get to L.A., you’re all mine, darlin’,” he winked. 

“I’m forever all yours,” she said sweetly, pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

Dean smiled and kissed her with passion, her face cupped in his strong hands. How could she make him fall even more in love with her by the day? It didn’t seem possible, but here he was, absolutely and irrevocably head over heels in love with her. He couldn’t wipe the smile from his face as he put Baby in gear and headed for the interstate, ready to get to their new home and  to start their new life together. 

Y/N felt the relief wash over her as she pulled up in front of their building and turned off the engine. She had been driving the last six hours so Dean could nap, and she was exhausted and ready to rest. Sam and Cas should be getting there at any time, and she knew they still had to unpack their things. She sighed, just wanting to forget it all and go to sleep, but that wasn’t going to happen. 

“Dean, we’re here. Wake up,” 

“Huh? What? Already?” he grumbled, wiping the sleep from his eyes and sitting up to look around. 

“Yes, grumpy bear, already,” she laughed at the bitch face he gave her. 

“Uhh...We still have to unpack!” he complained, throwing his head back against the seat. 

“Yes, we do, so come on, let’s get this over with,” she groaned, getting out of the Impala and walking back to the trailer. 

Dean soon joined her, and they began unloading their belongings when Sam, Cas, Meg, and Jess pulled up in the cab they took from the airport. Everyone greeted each other with hugs and pleasantries before Dean started to complain again. 

“I’m so tired, and we have to haul all this shit up to the apartment,”

“I’m tired too, but it’s not going to get done if we just stand here and bitch and moan about it,” Y/N huffed. 

“Oh, really? You mean you can’t twitch your nose and make it all appear upstairs?” he asked with a smirk.   

“Unfortunately, I’m not a witch, but if I were, my first action would be to curse you not to speak,” she sassed, everyone but Dean laughing. 

“Are you sure about that?” he wiggled his eyebrows. 

“Yes. Your dick would still work if you couldn’t talk,” she quipped. 

“So, you’re going to dis little Dean, huh?” he growled. 

“You’re the one that just called him little…” she laughed. 

“Okay, okay, that’s enough of that. Let’s get this stuff upstairs before you guys kill each other,” Sam chuckled. 

“She started it,” Dean whined, picking up a box and walking toward the building. 

Everyone laughed at his whining before grabbing a box and following him into the building and to the elevators. It only took a little over an hour to get everything in their penthouse with the others’ help. Y/N and Dean were ecstatic to be done moving everything in. Yes, they still needed to unpack, but they could do that slowly, resting in between. They were both lounging on the couch when he reached over and grabbed her hand, catching her attention. 

“Do you really not want me to talk?” he asked with a pout. 

“Aww, honey, you know I was joking. You were tired and grumpy. I was just messing with you,” she chuckled, leaning to peck him on the lips. 

“You promise?” 

“Yes, I promise. Are you okay, Dean?” she was puzzled by his sudden questioning. 

“I’m okay. I worry I’m not what you want sometimes,” he told her, hanging his head. 

“C’mere,” she whispered, gesturing for him to lay his head in her lap. 

He gave her a weak smile as he hurried over and laid on the couch, resting his head in her lap and wrapping his arms around her thigh. She began running her fingers through his hair, visibly seeing him relax. She smiled down at him, seeing the exhaustion and insecurity in his eyes. It broke her heart to see him when he got this way. She would never understand how a man that looked like him could ever be insecure about himself. 

“Angus, I love you. I know we bicker sometimes, and I can be a little bitchy, but I’ve never been so sure of anything as I am that I want you. So, stop your worrying, and let’s enjoy this new chapter in our lives,” she reassured him. 

“How do you know just what to say and do to make me feel better?” he whispered, nuzzling his face into her lower abdomen. 

“We’ve known each other for over a decade now. If I didn’t know you by now, then I deserve the worst girlfriend in the world award,” she giggled, him already shaking his head in her lap. 

“Nope! No ma’am! That is the last thing you deserve,” he vehemently disagreed. 

“Well, thank you, my dear. Now, how about we get some of this stuff unpacked so we can rest more later?” she smiled, hands still in his hair. 

“Alright, let’s do it,” he groaned, standing up and reaching for her hand, pulling her up and into a hug. 

“Love you too, Freddie,” he declared, kissing her forehead before walking to a box to get started unpacking. 

She smiled at his retreating form. She hated to see him go but loved to watch him leave. He had the cutest butt she had ever seen and could stare at it all day. The way his jeans cling to it when he bent over or moved his legs to take a step… She shook her head to get the thoughts out of her head. They had work to do, and she could stare at his ass later. She giggled to herself as she hit shuffle on her phone, needing music to pump her up and get her moving. She cackled at the song that started to play. 

“Dean!” she yelled, turning to see a mirrored smile on his face. 

“Oh, Freddie, that was the good ole days,” he laughed, wrapping her in his arms and spinning her around, singing the lyrics to her. 

I got chills

They're multiplyin'

And I'm losin' control

'Cause the power

You're supplyin'

It's electrifyin'!

She giggled as he continued to sing and spin her around the room. One of their favorite times in high school was when they performed “Grease”. Dean the lead role as Danny, and Y/N as Sandy. 

You better shape up,

'Cause I need a man

And my heart is set on you

You better shape up

You better understand

To my heart I must be true

She sang the next verse, doing her best Sandy impression, causing him to laugh now. They were still dancing around the room as they both took a deep breath to sing the next verse together. 

You're the one that I want

You, oo, oo, honey

The one that I want

You, oo, oo, honey

The one that I want

You, oo, oo

Are what I need

Oh, yes indeed

They ended the verse in a fit of laughter, reminiscing the great times they had performing musical theater together. He spun her around one last time, pulling her back flush against him. His smile turned into a smirk as he looked at her mouth and licked his lips, leaning in and kissing her hard. 

“Am I interrupting something?” Sam’s voice broke them apart. 

“Yes, you are actually! And have you ever heard of knocking?” Dean huffed. 

“I did. You couldn’t hear me over the singing and teenage giggles,” he smirked. 

“What do you need, Sam?” she asked sweetly, laying her head on Dean’s chest. 

“We’re all going out to get dinner. You want to join us?” he smiled. 

“Nah, we’ll order a pizza later,” she declined, “We have things we need to do here,” 

“Oh, yes, we do!” Dean moaned into her neck, kissing and nibbling. 

“Alright! I’m outta here!” the younger Winchester shouted, letting himself out, shutting the door behind him. 

“Now, where were we?” he chuckled, trying to kiss her again, but she stopped him. 

“We were unpacking these boxes, Romeo,” she laughed. 

“But, sweetheart…” he whined. 

“Later. I promise,” she winked, “After we get some things put away and go get dinner,” 

“Fine, but you’re getting me pie!” he exclaimed, pointing his finger at her playfully. 

“Of course, dear,” she said, rolling her eyes and making her way back to the stack of boxes that weren’t going to unpack themselves. 

@flamencodiva​​​ @foxyjwls007​​ @waywardbeanie​​ @emoryhemsworth​​ @valsworldofcreativity​ @hardcoresupernatural​​ @msmarvelouswinchester​ @lyarr24​ @anaelsbrunette​ @akshi8278​ @halesandy​ @miss-nerd95​ @ellewritesfix05​ @winchest09​ @defenderrosetyler​ @hobby27​ @whatareyousearchingfordean​  @deanwanddamons​ @atc74​ @superfanficnatural​  @supernatural-love14​ @vicmc624​ @squirrelnotsam​ @tatted-trina6​ @xhannahbananax03​ @coffeebooksandfandom​ @nihilismworld​ @mrsfox79​ @malfoysqueen14​ @moron225​ @deans-baby-momma​ @lovelyrocker​ @fablesrose​ @queenofchaos7​ @maralisa124​ @deangirl93​ @aimee-ginge​ @anathewierdo​ @donnaintx​ @screechingartisancashbailiff​ @itsdesiree86​ @kyjey​ @roxytheimmortal​ @briagallen​ @aubageddon91​ @lunarmoon8​ @that-one-gay-girl​ @stoneyggirl​ @kitkatd7​ @wonder-cole​ @brilovesdeanwinchester​ @allonsy-yesiwill​  @krazykelly​ @440mxs-wife​ @rebelemilu​ @sarahbaker2010​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @tyferbebe​ @metalfangirl​ @vanessa27xoxo​ @mishacollins4evah​  @redbarn1995​ @thoughts-and-funnies​ @izzathequeen​ @heavensangel45135​  @entersand-man​  @michellethetvaddict​​ @supraveng​

[refinedbuffoonery]

Outside Force

Trigger Warning: suicidal thoughts 

Set immediately post-Codex.

*****

His friends are too loud. Bozer’s jokes aren’t funny. Desi and Russ’ laughter grates his ears. The fire is too bright, too hot. 

Riley catches his eye from across the circle. Slight tilt to her head, raised eyebrows. Like she can see through the smile he forced his lips to contort into, the smile that couldn’t meet his eyes, no matter how hard he tried. 

They saved the world from a supervolcano and nuclear winter. 

The team is alive, safe, whole. 

Mac doesn’t feel whole. He saved the world, losing a piece of himself every step of the way. 

The world is so fucking heavy. 

He looks away from Riley. Mac could convince everyone else he is okay, that he is just tired. Who wouldn’t be, after that? Even Bozer mostly believes him. But Riley...she sees right through him. Like she understands. 

Maybe she is just as lost as I am. 

Mac gets up and walks inside without a word. He ends up in his bedroom. He wants to go to sleep until they stop hovering over him and asking him if he is okay. I’m fine. I’m just tired. For a group of highly trained spies, they aren’t very good lie detectors. Either that or they give up too easily. 

Based on how quickly everyone but Riley deemed him a traitor, Mac thinks it’s probably the latter. 

His bed feels like it belongs to another man, one who should’ve died in a fiery explosion. An American flag draped over an empty casket. A quiet funeral. A tombstone marking an empty grave, just like his parents. 

Sleep doesn’t come. Sleep won’t come. Sleep never comes. 

Footsteps echo down the hall. Mac turns his back to the door, deepening his breathing to feign sleep. His last defense against the onslaught of check-ins. Sleep is sacred; the one thing none of them will interrupt. 

The door creaks open. He keeps forgetting to fix it. 

“I know you’re not asleep,” Riley says. 

Mac freezes, just in case she’s bluffing. The door closes. 

“I know you’re not asleep, Mac,” she repeats, coming closer. “You and I both know you don’t sleep anymore.” 

Caught. So much for sleep being sacred. 

The bed dips beside him, and Mac rolls over, cracking his eyes open. The inquisitive look Riley wore outside is gone, replaced by soft determination. Riley glances down at his hand, fisted in the comforter, and covers it with her own. He unclenches it. 

“Sorry I left like that,” Mac started. “I’m just--” 

“Tired,” Riley finished. “I know.” 

He doesn’t deserve to be here right now, with her looking at him like that. Like she cares. He is living on borrowed time--he’s been living on borrowed time, ever since he dropped out of MIT and joined the Army. Now it feels like he’s reached his expiration date, and every death on his behalf buys him bonus time he doesn’t want. He sure as hell doesn’t deserve it. 

Not everyone gets a soft ending. Not him. After everything, not him. 

Riley crosses her legs beneath her, like she’s planning on staying awhile. “Tell me about it.” 

This is new. Gone are her offers to be there when he’s ready to talk. Now she’s making him talk, even though it’s the last thing he wants to do. Mac doesn’t have the energy to be mad at her for it. 

How could he tell her that he feels like he hit rock bottom, yet he’s still falling? Down, down, down, and there’s no end in sight. Maybe there isn’t an end. Maybe Hell doesn’t have a bottom; it’s just falling through layer after layer after layer for the rest of eternity. 

Maybe he should’ve let the volcano erupt. Maybe it would’ve blown his soul into so many pieces there wouldn’t be any of him left for a hellish afterlife. That’s what it would’ve done to his body, after all. His body and the rest of the Western Hemisphere. 

“They’re all dead,” he finally whispers. The loss of his family is the easier horror. The expected one. It’s easier to lament the dead than explain why he belongs with them. 

Riley waits for him to explain. He does, even though she knows most of it already. He tells her about the last moment with his aunt, after she chose to set off the explosion so he could live. He tells her about his dad, a dead man sacrificing himself to buy his son time. He tells her about his grandpa, who raised him. He tells her about his mom being taken away too soon, put down for trying to build a healthier world for her son to inherit. Not the guilt. Not the part where he wishes he was dead instead of them. 

Riley seems to be at a loss for words. She is silent for several minutes before asking, “So what are you going to do with the time they gave you?” 

“I don’t deserve that time.” 

There it is. The other thing. 

Her soft determination erupts into something else. Something...angry. She leans over him, planting her hands on either side of his shoulders. “Now listen to me, Angus MacGyver. You deserve every single second you get on this fucked up planet, and don’t you ever try to convince yourself otherwise. You hear me? I’m not Jack, but I swear to god I will keep you alive by sheer force of will if that’s what it takes until you believe you deserve it.” 

The edges of his vision blur as tears start to form. This was a mistake. He shouldn’t have burdened her with this. 

She’d be trying a long time. There is nothing he could do to deserve living at the expense of another person’s life. They deserved to live out their own lives. 

He is living the life of another man’s son, a son who was sacrificed by Mac’s own father to keep him alive. 

The lives of his mentor and his friend, who died in explosions meant for him. 

The lives of the Codex operatives sentenced to die by their own leader, merely the price for the chance to eliminate Angus MacGyver. 

“Mac,” Riley says, heartbreakingly softly. “Why didn’t you say anything?” 

He takes a deep breath. He couldn’t avoid it anymore, at least not with her. Hiding the truth would hurt her just as much as telling it. 

“I didn’t want to be another problem.” 

“Another problem? You think I’d rather watch you internalize your guilt so much that you blindly volunteer yourself for every self-sacrificial thing possible? Watch you put yourself in harm's way because you think everyone else’s safety is more important than yours?” Her voice broke. “Getting shot at by a dozen highly-trained snipers is a problem. But you dying? That will break me.” 

Tears flow freely down both their faces. Mac curves a hand around her neck, thumb brushing her cheek. Riley rests her forehead against his. “I’m sorry,” Mac croaks. 

Riley cradles his face in her hands. “There’s nothing for you to be sorry for.” 

“Feels like there is,” he admits as another round of hot tears splashes onto his cheeks. He hates himself for making her cry like this. He hates himself for giving her this burden, this weight to carry. He hates himself for hoping sharing would make it easier to bear. 

Sharing definitely makes it worse. 

Mac caves in on himself, plummeting deeper and deeper into the guilt. 

“Hey, hey hey.” Riley squeezes his cheeks. “Come back to me.” 

The numbness sets in again. One limb at a time, he loses feeling in his body. Another piece of him falls away. It’s cold. Mac thinks he’s cold, but Riley’s tears burn like boiling water dripping on his face. Just let go already, a little voice calls. There’s no reason for you to still be here. 

“Mac,” Riley pleads. “I need you to breathe, okay? You’re safe. I’ve got you.” 

She inhales deeply, loudly. Mac tries to match it but can’t seem to suck in enough air. His lungs are collapsing from the pressure of falling deeper and deeper into the Earth. Soon he won’t be able to breathe at all. His lungs won’t inflate and he’ll finally get his wish. 

His fingers find her pulse, pressing below her jaw. It’s fast enough he can match his shallow breaths to it. In out. In out. In out. Her pulse slows as he starts to breathe again. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. 

“I’m back,” he chokes out. 

His hands settle on her waist as he mentally prepares himself to push her away. Riley doesn’t need this, Mac thinks. She has her own trauma to work through. 

He could do it--drive her away with a single sentence. Call her out for asking him to share his problems when she is still determined to ignore her own. He could call her a coward and a hypocrite, and she’d pack up her belongings and move out of his house so quickly it’d be like she was never there in the first place. 

“Mac,” she whispers. 

He can’t do it. Call him selfish, but he can’t bring himself to cut her free. 

He needs her. 

Like she could read his mind, Riley murmurs, “Let me help you.” Her body shakes. 

“You can’t bring them back, Riles.” Mac guides her down to lay on top of him. Her small body feels gigantic above him, heavy with the weight he’d just saddled her with. 

“Let me help you anyway.” 

“Okay,” he relents. Mac rolls them onto their sides and squeezes her tightly until she stops shaking. 

She can’t fix him, not really. She can’t save him from an eternity of falling, but maybe, just maybe, she could help him control his descent. 

An object in motion will stay in motion unless acted upon by an outside force. Newton’s first law. 

Riley is an outside force, alright. I swear to god I will keep you alive by sheer force of will if that’s what it takes, she said earlier. I’ve got you. 

“Riles?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Thank you. For everything.” I love you. 

Mac sees it, in her eyes. The “I love you too” glimmering back at him. All she says is, “You would do the same for me.” 

He tucks her head under his chin and tangles his legs with hers, considering the words they didn’t say. After a few minutes, he asks, “Can you stay? I don’t want to be alone.” For the first time that night, he doesn’t. He wants company. Her company. 

His best friend, the outside force who keeps him from endlessly falling into the abyss. 

“Sure.” 

Mac doesn’t want to let her go, but eventually he does, so she can send their friends home and change into pajamas. Riley returns pajama-clad and makeup-free, worry lines still creasing her face. 

She slides under the covers and pulls Mac to her so he can rest his head on her chest, her nails lightly scratching his scalp as she toys with his hair. “Can you promise me something?” she asks. Mac looks up at her. “Tell me next time, before it gets bad like that again.” 

“I will,” he swears, and he means it. 

They don’t say anything else for the rest of the night. Mac doesn’t know how long he dozes in Riley’s arms while she stays awake, keeping watch. At one point, he brushes a hand down her face to gently close her eyes, earning a soft chuckle. When Riley’s breathing finally deepens, Mac slips into unconsciousness once more. 

He wakes in Riley’s arms the next morning, and for the first time in a long time, he feels light. 

[bad-bitch-beauchamp]

Songs About Me - Chapter Two

Chapter two is up!!! I started writing this all last night, and didn’t want to leave that chapter handing! I have the outline for this story all done and I’m actually pretty psyched about how it’s lining up. I want to take a minute to thank you all for all the kinds words and support yesterday, you’re the best and know how to make a girl feel welcome! Without further ado... Chapter two!

Read on AO3

Later that night, Beacon Hill, Boston, 21st Amendment Pub

“Claire! Over here!” Geillis was sitting at a high top table and stood up on the crossbar of the barstool to wave her over. As she stood up tall with an arm waving over her head, Claire noticed the two men sitting with her glance at her exposed midriff. One oggled her openly, while one looked appreciatively, and smiled down into his beer glass as he took a long drink. This must be Angus and Rupert, then. Claire smiled and wound through the crowd to the table. 

“Awright lads, this is my best girl Claire!” Geillis had clearly been here before her eight o’clock sharp deadline, judging by the way her Scots accent had thickened up. 

“Nice to meet you boys! Let me grab a drink and we can get to know each other!” Claire wove her way to the bar, ordered a few fingers of Laphroig whisky, and made her way back to the table. The 21st Amendment was the perfect watering hole for locals looking to enjoy a few bar snacks, and a lot of drinks. It had started to become a staple for their end-of-week blow offs between her and Geillis after a long week at the greenhouse. When he wasn’t stuck at the hospital, Joe often came out to join them, and tonight he had arrived in her absence and took her under his shoulder.

“I need to see you more than once a week! And now you’ve made it so I can only see you if I come to a karaoke bar?! What kind of joke is this, LJ?” 

“Blame our favorite redhead for this ingenious evening!” Claire jerked her head in Geillis direction. They laughed and hugged each other tight, and began to settle in for the evening. 

Aided by more than a few drinks, the four soon became fast friends. Claire came back from the bar for the third time to see Joe clearly entranced by the three Scots and their innate ability to make any story the best you’ve ever heard. 

“So there I am in bed, Chrissie on my left and Nettie, the butcher’s daughter, on the right. They get jealous of each other, start arguin’ about who I’m gonna swive first. Can ye believe it?” Rupert laughed through his oncoming hiccups; whether they was the result of the raucous laughter or the many pints of ale was anyone’s guess. 

“And then what happened, man?!” Joe leaned forward over the table toward Angus, and Angus leaned in towards Joe, slapping his hands on the table. Rupert opened his mouth to respond but before he could get out a single word, Claire quipped in. 

“I believe your left hand gets jealous of your right. That’s about all I believe!” 

For as loud as the pub had become, the little table surrounded with friends fell into an uncertain silence. Claire wondered if she could fit her other foot in her mouth, in addition to the one that was already there. Then… uproarious laughter. 

“I’ve… I’ve never heard a woman make a joke like that before!” Ruper was cackling now. “Christ, woman! Yer somethin’ else!” Angus was doubled over clutching his side, Joe choked on his drink, and Geillis was practically dissolving into laughter. Another voice, a different voice, came floating to her ear from behind on a warm whisper. 

“Yer a witty one, aye?” 

Claire spun around in her barstool, which was admittedly a mistake. Maybe one too many whiskeys, Beauchamp. She started to slide off the side backless chair when two hands steadied her by the waist. Once she -- and the room -- stopped spinning and came into focus, all she could see was ocean blue eyes. If her eyes were the color of her favorite burning whisky, his were the color of a cooling chaser. 

“Ye alright, lass?” The stranger smirked. She realized she was still holding on to his shoulders, and still staring into his eyes. She felt the muscles under his white v-neck shirt. His very tight shirt, she amended. His hair sparkled with all the same colors as the dark red trees lining the old brick streets outside -- shades of russet and gold, dark auburn and cinnabar. High cheekbones gave way to slanted eyes above and a jawline to cut her glass tumbler below.  Pull yourself together. He’s just a man, and one you don’t even know! 

“Oh, yeah, thanks, I’m fine, thank you,” she stammered as she climbed back on her chair, his hands never wavering from her hips. Why did she sound so formal? “I mean, I’m great!” She flashed him a big smile and then a thumbs-up. What the fuck is your problem?! Maybe find a middle ground? She sighed on a giggle as her eyes fell to the floor and looked up at him with crinkling eyes. “I’m -- ugh. Hi there, I’m Claire.” His smirk grew, his eyebrow rose. “Thanks for making sure I didn’t die just then,” she added hastily. He was watching her when she dared to glance up from under her lashes. 

The stranger waited until she was settled back on the barstool and went to extend his hand for a handshake, only to find his hands were otherwise occupied. He left them where they were, and settled in a little deeper. 

“Och, it’d be a right shame to lose ye to a swivelin’ stool and a dirty pub floor.” The smirk turned into an honest smile. “I’m James. Ye can call me Jamie, if ye like.” He glanced at his hands, one still on her hip and the other traveling up to her waist. Claire felt his thumb stroke her sides and glanced down to watch him unravel her with his touch. Who the hell was this guy? Ordinarily, she’d be offended by some guy holding onto her in a bar, but right now, she found herself hoping this one didn’t let go. She was still watching him trace his small circle on her waist when the hand on her hip reluctantly pulled away, while the one on her waist didn’t move at all. She glanced up to see a pink bloom appear in the tips of his ears and the triangle of chest visible through the dip in his shirt. It was her turn to smirk.

“Sorry ‘bout that, Sassenach. Got a wee bit distracted.” He shoved his free hand in the pockets of his worn jeans. 

“Sassenach--?” Suddenly she was cut off, by a loud voice behind them. 

“Jamie! Ye made it!” Jamie’s large hand pulled away from Claire’s side with a jolt and the absence made her shiver. Rupert and Angus were already making the introductions to their small table. The hellos and drink orders began and conversation between the group began again. Her head was dizzy, but not from the alcohol. She glanced up to see him eyeing her from over the top of his rocks glass, and her stomach flipped. Pull yourself together. Concentrating on the situation, she gathered that Jamie worked with Angus and Rupert at a small shop in the area, but missed the kind of work they did. 

With the addition of Jamie at their table, Geillis suggested they move to one of the booths lining the bar walls. The men blazed a trail forward through the crowd to secure seats, and Claire held Geillis back by the elbow. 

“I thought you said you only invited Rupert and Angus out tonight?” “I did! They asked if they could invite the third member o’ their party, and who am I to say no! Why, is something wrong?” 

Evidently no one else had seen her near fall, and Jamie’s rescue of her. “No, it’s fine, I just didn’t realize we’d have such a big group is all.” Geillis started to ask her another question but Claire nudged her friend forward. “Come on, they won’t hold seats for us forever!” 

Claire was the last to get to the table. Her step faltered for only a moment -- when the only open spot was next to Jamie. 

“I can move, if ye’d be more comfortable --”

“Do you mind if I sit here --?”

They spoke over each other quickly, and simply nodded in answer to each other’s questions. Jamie move down the bench as much as he could with Angus animatedly telling a story on the other side, and Claire filled in the vacant spot on the open end of the booth. It should have been awkward, being strangers forced into tight quarters… but she could’ve sworn he relaxed into side. 

Not a minute into settling down, the DJ at the front of the bar announced, “Next up we Claire, Geillis, and Joe!” 

Momentarily forgetting why they came here, the three friends jumped up from their seats and headed to the makeshift stage with two spotlights, a few microphones, and a small television screen. The men left at the booth watched them with confusion and excitement as they made their way up to the front, and ready for the show from their newfound friends. 

Claire, Geillis, and Joe each took a microphone and began to sing -- if one could really call it that. By the end of Like A Prayer, they were yelling the lyrics, howling with laughter, falling over each other with every repetition of “Just like a prayer, you know I’ll take you there!” The pub clapped and cheered, as a drunk bar on karaoke night often does, and the three friends made their way back to the booth still trying to get enough air back in their lungs after the ceaseless laughter. 

“I didna know ye could sing!” Rupert hugged Geillis into his side and Angus leaned over the tabletop to playfully punch Joe in the shoulder. 

“I think he means that we didna know ye were the type who can’t sing, but still goes to karaoke anyway!” Angus winked at Geillis, and she couldn’t seem to get her giggles under control. 

“Hey now! Joe and I might not be stars or anything, but at least we’re fun -- unlike ye three, who haven’t gone up once!” Taking a gulp from her pint glass, she narrowed in on Claire. “Besides, we sound okay because someone can actually sing when she wants.” The table’s attention immediately moved to Claire with a bombardment of questions. 

“Ye can sing, lass?!”

“Go on, get up there and sing for me! Make it a bonny one!”

“Are ye a pop singer or a rock singer? I’ll have a different opinion of ye depending on the answer, ken?”

Then, another warm whisper. A hand on her knee.  

“Ye don’t strike me as a singer, Sasssenach.” 

Claire turned to face him then, her voice equally quiet when his eyes met hers. “And what do I strike you as?”

“A lass who struggles with her balance, for one,” he replied, “and who’s bad with awkward introductions and saying thank you, for two.” His eyes never left hers, but the crinkles on the edges only deepened with his smirk. Claire scoffed and protested, moving her leg away from his under the table, but his grasp tightened imperceptibly and his thumb was stroking the inside of her knee. “Maybe one day I won’t have to save ye from falling, and I’ll get to hear ye sing a little better than what I just saw.” Taking a swig from his glass, he continued to watch her. Claire started to object to his ideas of her, but Jamie’s attention was called away by Joe asking questions about his work. 

An hour passed by with many more drinks and much more laughter, with plans to meet up again next week. Joe left the party first to get back to his apartment to prepare for work the next day, followed by Rupert who claimed he needed to be up early to go into the shop. Soon it was just Angus and Geillis, who were most definitely going home together, and Claire and Jamie, who were most definitely not. 

“So what is it you actually do? I’ve been sitting next to you for a few hours now without a single notion of who you are besides your name.” They were sitting facing each other as best they could, trading stories and getting to know one another while Geillis and Angus got almost too close for decency. 

“Och, it’s no’ much. I opened a little bookstore in the area a few years back, and Angus and Rupert are my employees. More than that, I suppose, since I’ve known them my whole life. The bookstore was more a passion project a few years back, ken? Then one day, I decided I loved it more than engineering and left it all behind to give my all to the books.” Jamie’s eyes sparkled with mention of the bookstore, and Claire wanted to see him look like that forever. 

“What kind of stock do you have?” 

Jamie’s eyes positively twinkled. “Lots of antiques and first editions. I learned how to repair and restore old books when I was in college in Edinburgh. We carry the Times best seller list and lots of newer titles as well, but there’s nothing I love like an old book.” He smiled at her, and she melted. “Actually, there’s a favorite of mine--”

“Claire, get on up here!” The voice from the front boomed again, and she sent Jamie a wink as she scooted out of the booth. He stared at her dumbstruck, but released his hold on her leg. 

“Since you said my last song was horrible,” she teased over her shoulder as she walked to the front. 

He gave a hearty laugh and yelled to her, “I never said it was horrible! I said it wasn’t good!”

Claire had been coming to this pub for years now with Geillis and Joe for drinks and karaoke night. She was on a first-name basis with the regular DJs, and everyone knew her regular songs. Tonight was different. Tonight, she had met Jamie. She whispered to the DJ, walked on stage, and pulled out the piano bench. In the time it had taken Claire to move up front, Jamie followed suit just behind her to a table at the front. He had noticed the piano of course, but paid it no attention. Who would play a piano in a pub on karaoke night?

Claire would, evidently. She sat down, rolled her head a few times along her shoulders, and looked toward their booth. Jamie saw her fear when he wasn’t where she thought he’d be. He gave her a small wave, hoping the motion would draw her attention. She noticed, and flashed him the most brilliant smile he’d ever seen. She took a deep breath, and without playing, began to sing. 

“Grab me by my ankles, I’ve been flying for too long; I couldn’t hide from the thunder in a sky full of song. I want you so badly but you could be anyone; I couldn't hide from the thunder in a sky full of song. Hold me down, I’m so tired now; Aim your arrow at the sky. Take me down, I’m too tired now, leave me where I lie.”

The accompaniment was simple and melodic, Claire’s voice strong and dark. Jamie watched her play, the lyrics not lost on him. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t move, he couldn’t do anything but watch her. His chin rested on his hand, his elbow propped on the table. In that moment, he wished the night would never end but if it had to, then may he have many more with the enchanting woman before him. 

Jamie didn’t realize she had stopped playing until the crowd began to cheer -- the only thing to exist for him, was her. She stood, pushed in the bench, and put the microphone stand back where it belonged like she had just done the most normal thing in the world. She walked toward him, slowing the closer she got to him. 

“Jamie, you haven’t moved once.” One step closer. “Well, you’d bloody well say something.” She folded her hands across her chest with a sigh, eyes downcast at the sticky floor. 

He blinked, stood, and brought a hand up to brush away a particularly unruly curl. A thumb caressed rosy apples, dark eyelids fluttered up to meet glittering oceans. 

“Christ, Claire. Yer the most incredible woman I’ve ever seen.”

[goodlucktai]

it’s a better place since you came along

the adventure zone taako & angus mcdonald 7k words

read on ao3

“So, you must be here about the job,” the old man goes on. “To tell you the truth, I’d just about given up on finding a decent nanny. When can you start?”

Taako stares at him. There’s an alarm klaxon blaring in the back of his brain, along with a shrill inner voice advising him to “abort, motherfucker, abort!”

***

In which Taako answers a general “help wanted” ad that actually changes his entire stupid life.

x

There’s a baby crying somewhere.

Taako, left waiting in the foyer by a harried maid, has nothing else to do but tap a foot, twist one of the rings on one of his fingers, and count the long seconds that the plaintive wail continues to echo through the cavernous house.

Listen, he may not be a very good dude, just in general, and for a healthy plethora of reasons—but there’s a prickling sense of unease growing in the pit of his stomach, as one minute passes into two, and the sounds of distress go unheeded.

What in the fresh fuck, he thinks, when another member of the house staff drifts through the room without any sense of urgency. If he knew shit about magic beyond a few travel-handy tricks and the occasional intuitive transmutation, he’d assume this was some sort of elaborate illusion. Maybe a sort of test played on unsuspecting hopefuls who came to answer the help-wanted ad.

Unfortunately for Taako, he remembers all-too well what it feels like to be an unwanted child, outcast and always alone. As it turns out, he has a very particular Achilles’ heel and he’s not overly thrilled to discover it.

“Well, I didn’t need the job that bad,” he tells himself, as he gets up to single-mindedly fail this stupid test. And nevermind that he kind of really did.

‘Confidence is key’ and ‘fake it till you make it’ are two mantras that Taako could live and die by, so it’s with long, unchecked strides that he crosses the grand foyer and chases the miserable cries up some stairs, down a long corridor, and finally into an out-of-the-way bedchamber at what must have been the back of the house.

The cries stutter when the door clicks open, and Taako gets a glimpse of a tiny round face peering at him through the bars of an ancient-looking crib. The sudden appearance of this strange elf in his nursery seems to have surprised the little human, but not for long. After about two seconds, he screws his face up and screams with renewed vindication.

Taako winces, his sensitive ears twitching back at the onslaught. This is way above his paygrade, but he used to babysit younger kids in the caravans while their parents were busy or drunk, in exchange for a hot meal or a few coins. He’s not totally out of his depth here.

“Hey, little man,” he says by way of hello. “Trying to bring the roof down, huh? No, I dig that. I wasn’t gonna say anything, but this house of yours is ugly as hell.”

Taako doesn’t raise his voice, because what the hell would be the point? There’s no way he’s winning that contest of wills, and nobody wants some lunatic shouting at them when they’re this fucking distraught, anyway. He just crosses his arms on the side of the crib and leans down to get a good look at the kid.

The baby’s face is tacky and snotty, dusky skin flushed darker with exertion, curly hair a tangled mop. But he’s a cute little guy despite himself, probably a year old or thereabouts, not that Taako is in any way a decent judge of that sort of thing. As Taako talks to him in a conversational tone, his awful, heaving sobs peter out.

The tearful gulps are better. The way he lifts pudgy arms up to be held, not so much.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Taako says, casting a nervous glance over his shoulder. “I’m not even supposed to be in here. You have no idea how culturally insensitive people are when it comes to elves and babies. Your mama walks in and sees me holding you, and then she’s calling the guard, and I’m getting hauled off for attempting to spirit her little heir away, and we both perpetuate an archaic myth that all elves are equally capable of and greedy for voluntary childcare. Let me just say—from personal experience—that is not the fuckin' case.”

But he reaches a hand into the crib and lets the little human clutch at it. Tiny, clumsy fingers wrap around Taako’s much bigger ones and hold tight. The baby’s eyes are wide and curious now, soaking up Taako’s every word without a damn clue what any of them mean.

Taako almost forgot he knew how to do this. It’s been months since Glamour Springs, since Sazed ditched him on the road. Taako’s been living a half-life, made up of odd jobs and never staying for too long in any one place, and for all that it’s absurdly one-sided, this is the longest conversation he’s had since then, too.

“One of us is pretty fucking pathetic,” he confides. “And it’s not the screamy baby.”

“Ah, this is where you’ve gone,” a voice from the doorway says.

Taako jumps in alarm, and looks around in time to watch a man step into the nursery. He bears a striking resemblance to the baby in the crib, though he’s graying at the temples and his face is lined with too much age for him to be an immediate parent. Grandparent, probably. Distinguished, dressed in a suit that probably cost more than the entire cumulative worth of everything Taako currently owns, leaning heavily on a walking cane.

He doesn’t look as though he’s about to ring the alarm, but Taako is still a little keyed up. Given the way he’s been living, the feeling of getting caught, even for a moment, activates his fight or flight response.

“Sorry,” Taako says lamely. “I heard him crying.”

“I don’t doubt it. His parents, my daughter and her husband, died recently. An accident on the road,” the man says. There’s some sorrow there, but it’s pushed back and away. Compartmentalized. “He came to live with me, but the transition hasn’t been an easy one. It seems as though all he’s done is cry.”

Taako doesn’t melt even slightly for the poor kid, because he’s made of sterner stuff than that. But he does let him hold onto his hand for a little while longer. It’s not hurting anything.

“So, you must be here about the job,” the old man goes on. “To tell you the truth, I’d just about given up on finding a decent nanny. When can you start?”

Taako stares at him. There’s an alarm klaxon blaring in the back of his brain, along with a shrill inner voice advising him to “abort, motherfucker, abort!”

It wasn’t a nanny ad. It was just a ‘general help wanted in exchange for room and board’ type of deal. He wouldn’t have shown up to take the job in the first place if it had specified providing 1) cooking, 2) companionship, or 3) childcare, and that’s for damn sure. He believes in playing to his strengths, and while vapid charm is certainly one of them, being personable and likable for any extended period of time is not.

And Taako absolutely doesn’t know what to think of this old rich guy who seems to be operating under the illusion that thirty seconds is plenty of time to get enough of a read on some rando to then trust your child to them. For real, and from the bottom of Taako's heart, what the fuck?

He’s only been acquainted with this particular child for about five minutes, but his ears go back and his hackles go up at the idea of someone just walking in off the street to take charge of him.

Maybe there’s some crucial insanity element to parenthood that Taako just isn’t fucking picking up. Maybe total and complete willingness to just ditch your kid at a moment’s notice is part of the package. Sure would explain a few things about Taako’s childhood.

But… this old manor house is clearly in the middle of nowhere. Two hours from the nearest settlement, where the job posting was hiding beneath other flyers on the board in the square. Taako wandered the woods all afternoon and almost gave up finding the place before the chimney smoke tipped him off.

It’s remote. Safe. And, at a glance, more comfortable than any of the inns and caravans Taako has lived out of since his auntie died.

He’s not qualified for this position, but since when has that ever stopped him? It’s not like he went to culinary school, either, and for awhile he was one of the most famous chefs on the continent. A baby can't be that much work.

Fake it till you make it, he thinks, and then faces the old man with a smile.

“Hell, I’m already here. Might as well start now.”

#

Aside from Taako, there are three other members of staff on the books, and none of them are full-time. The maids come in every other day to do the cleaning and the laundry and bring in groceries, that sort of thing. The groundskeeper only works the weekends.

They like Mr McDonald well enough, the girls confide in Taako over tea on his first night there, and the pay isn’t bad, but he’s forgetful. Doesn’t think to eat until he feels hunger pains, that sort of thing. Don’t be surprised if you get paid twice some weeks, or not at all others.

“He’s just not interested in running a household, I think,” the older of the two imparts, ancient at seventeen for all the weariness in her eyes. “I’m glad he finally found someone to take care of the baby. I felt bad about him crying all the time.”

Baby Angus had seemed to surprise both teens by being agreeable and downright adorable, perfectly content to be tucked into the crook of Taako’s arm and soothed to sleep by the rumble of his voice.

Did any of you try, like, holding him? Taako wants to ask acidly. Seems a little fucked up that Taako, of all people, is more on top of this than anyone else. But the maids are little more than kids themselves, and it seems as though grandpa isn’t completely with it.

About a month after Taako first wandered in, grandpa proves it.

“It was before Angus was born,” Mr McDonald says, digging through the many drawers in his study, looking for some expensive rich person thing he’d acquired at auction four years ago. There’s an empty crystal tumbler sitting on the liquor cabinet, next to a half-empty decanter of whiskey. “We went to Goldcliff for a charity fundraiser. Marquis proposed to my daughter that night. You remember, Taako?”

Taako, halfheartedly poking through stuff on the desk while Angus chews on the end of his braid, replies, “Sure do, homie. Hell of a party.”

He finds a photo in a stack of letters and pauses. Two humans are pictured with their arms around each other, handsome smiles on their faces for the camera, a baby cradled tenderly between them.

At the bottom, in looping handwriting, someone wrote ‘Marquis, Angela, and Angus.’ There’s a little heart drawn under the names with such care that it, in itself, is something of a revelation.

Angus’ parents wouldn’t have let him cry himself sick in a faraway room. They wouldn’t have let some stranger be holding him now. They abandoned him, but not on purpose. Not the same way Taako’s family did.

This kid was loved. He’s due love. And all he has is an absent grandpa and a shitty elf looking after him.

“Check it out, Ango,” Taako says quietly, holding the photo up so the baby can see, carefully out of reach of those sticky fingers. “Your genes are killer. You’re gonna outshine the whole damn world.”

He pockets the photo with a sleight of hand he perfected at ten years old, and then guts some ugly painting in the service hallway in the name of repurposing the frame, and then he and Angus stage a tactical retreat.

The nursery was too depressing, just in general, so one of Taako’s first acts as nanny was to move all the baby stuff in with his. He had his pick of any of the second floor bedchambers, and he chose one overlooking the overgrown gardens, with a pretty bay window that it only took like two hours and a handful of stubborn Prestidigitations to scrub clean.

He enlarges the photo, slides it into the frame, transmutes it to look like a more professional job, and then sets it in place of pride on one of the empty shelves.

“Gang’s all here,” he says. He bounces Angus a few times, eliciting a toothy smile from the kid.

Lordy, Taako thinks, she’d be laughing her ass off if she could see me right now.

The thought comes out of absolutely nowhere and disappears just as quickly, sliding right out of his mind like water through a sieve. Then Angus makes a sudden dive to grab one of the charms hanging off the brim of Taako’s hat, and he has more immediate things to worry about.  

#

Living in a house is weird. Having the run of the place is even weirder.

Taako is certainly not the type to sign up for extra responsibility, and he’d be the first to say as much to literally anyone who asked. Keeping himself alive has always been trouble enough, and now he has a whole ass extra person he’s in charge of, too.

But as time drags on, he realizes he’s been pretty solidly assimilated.

When McDonald forgets to give Catherine the grocery allowance before he fucks off on one of his bi-monthly business trips to Neverwinter, Taako forks over his own gold without feeling the sting of it too badly. He practically writes his own checks around here, anyway. He can make up the difference whenever.

When crotchety old Boniface came in from the gardens looking for an answer about the freshly broken fountain, he bypasses McDonald’s closed office door entirely to demand guidance out of Taako instead. Taako is in the library, laying on his stomach to supervise Angus’ painstaking and artistic destruction of a probably priceless but unfortunately racist oral history Taako found on one of the shelves, and gives Boniface the go-ahead to gut the old eyesore.

“If it dies, it dies,” Taako says plainly, passing Angus a new red crayon. Boniface, pleased that he’s allowed to demolish something, makes it a point to ask Taako about these things first from then on.

When Ezra shows up in Taako’s suite one morning with tearful eyes and an ugly burn from the temperamental furnace in the basement, neither of them stop to question why she ran all the way up here. They’re both reasonably intelligent people, after all, and Taako is quick to cast a nonverbal Helping Hand. He doesn’t need to overthink it. The burned skin on Ezra’s arm is shiny and red, but repaired.

The girl surges forward to hug him, visibly rethinks it, and then changes course and scoops Angus up for a hug and a noisy kiss on the cheek instead. Angus shrieks in bald delight, and Taako finds himself smiling.

So, yeah. It’s weird, the whole thing is weird, but he wouldn’t say it’s bad.

McDonald is a kind but largely absent presence in their lives. When he’s home, he’s shut up in his study. Angus hardly seems to recognize the man anymore, only watching him with solemn brown eyes from the comforting circle of Taako’s arms. It doesn’t really sit well with Taako—he didn’t take this job to upstage any relatives or be a replacement parent—but he’s already nanny to a precocious two-year-old, he can’t also be nanny to a seventy-something-year-old retired scholar. If McDonald wants to be a part of Angus’ life, that’s on him. It can’t possibly fall on Taako’s shoulders.

“And even if it did, I have a bad back,” Taako informs Angus. “You’ll have to do the heavy-lifting for me, sweetpea. How’s that sound?”

“Okay, Taako,” Angus says gravely. If there’s a tiny part of Taako that’s fucking delighted every time this tiny miracle says his name, he squashes it down good and hard and no one is the wiser.

It feels a little bit like nothing exists outside this spacious manor house. The extensive grounds might as well be a magic barrier between Taako and the rest of the world. It won’t last—nothing good ever does—but for now he allows himself to pretend that it will.

#

Taako and his little shadow swing into the kitchen around noon one day to find Catherine in tears.

This is so far from the norm that Taako actually draws up short in the doorway. Angus toddles right into the back of his leg, loses his balance, and plops down hard on his padded bottom.

“What’s this all about, darling?” Taako asks warily.

Catherine is sharp in all the places Ezra is soft, and while it makes her much easier to understand—a girl after Taako’s own black, shriveled heart—it also makes her approximately one million times more difficult to comfort, as likely to bite at a helping hand as accept one.

At the first sign of her vicious temper, he’s gonna grab his kid and bail. There’s fruit and bread in the larder that’ll see them through to dinner, and if not, he's not above bribing Ezra to run interference.

But Catherine just lifts her head out of her hands and says, “I burnt the stupid soup!”

Taako blinks. He stands still so Angus can use one of his legs as leverage to pull himself back upright, and cups the back of the boy's head in silent praise when he manages it on his own.

“Okay,” Taako says slowly. He can piece this shit together. “The soup is burnt. And you’re cheesed about it because…you feel really strongly about soup.”

“Don’t be stupid,” she snaps, but it’s without any real heat. “I just. I can’t get anything right today.”

Ah. Okay. So it’s one of those.

He hesitates for a moment, and then leans down to scoop Angus up and balances him on a hip. Angus knows not to toddle into the kitchen unsupervised, and rarely gets to toddle in at all when there’s cookery going on.

Taako himself rarely goes in. It feels too much like tempting fate. But his feet carry him forward, and he leans over the pot of thick and creamy chicken and dumplings, and right away he can smell the problem. It caught on the bottom of the pot and scorched.

He’s never worked in this kitchen—and he never will—but he remembers the steps. It’s mise en place. He reaches into the spice cabinet and withdraws a small tin shaker.

“Cinnamon,” he says at length, offering the tin to Catherine.

She stares at him, losing some of her steel for a moment. “Really?”

“Really,” Taako says, and firmly steps back. The six-second exchange has left him feeling tense and sick, his appetite fully and completely fucking out of the picture.

Angus is a perceptive little monster, and settles more heavily into Taako’s arms. He heaves a very pointed sigh, something he started doing to communicate that he’s feeling particularly safe and content. It makes Taako’s chest hurt in a much different way than impending panic attacks tend to, and he presses a kiss to the kid’s curly head.

“Thanks, angel,” he says.

“You’re welcome.”

“Holy shit, Taako,” Catherine says, looking up from the soup with awe in her eyes. As he watches, she tries another spoonful, and then she actually laughs out loud. “It worked!”

He finds himself searching her face for—sickness. Shortness of breath. Something.

It’s stupid. The people he killed in Glamour Springs didn’t show signs of death for days.

“I didn’t know you cooked,” Catherine goes on. “Could you teach me?”

“I don’t,” Taako blurts. It comes out sharper than he meant for it to, sudden and a little bit too loud. Catherine’s smile tapers. Angus lifts his head off Taako’s shoulder. Breathe, idiot, Taako tells himself. Be a fucking person for two seconds. “Cook, I mean. I don’t cook. Or, uh, teach. I’m kind of useless. Pretty, though.”

He flips his hair. It makes Angus giggle, but Catherine isn’t an easily-amused toddler, and she’s not buying it.

Her eyes are sharp, and seem to peel through layers of Taako’s bullshit like a knife. And then she scoffs, and mimics his hair flip with her wrist even though her hair is only about two inches long, and the tension drains out of the room like someone pulled a plug in the floor.

“You’ve been teaching Mango to read,” she says dryly. “And Elvish. And magic. But okay, Mr I Don’t Teach.”

“He’s my fucking protege. That shit’s different!”

“Shit!” Angus agrees cheerfully.

“Whatever. Now that I know you’re secretly a fountain of knowledge, I’m dragging you in here the next time I fuck up a recipe.” She studies him for a moment, and adds, “You don’t have to cook, Teach. If it bothers you. I just…I need help sometimes.

Taako feels himself relenting. This house is turning him into a fucking pushover.

“I know, Cat,” he sighs. “Try to find one person who doesn’t.”

#

“Alright, little man,” Taako says, tugging Angus’ collar straight. “What are the rules?”

“Hold your hand, don’t talk to strangers, aim for the eyes if I can reach them, knees if I can’t,” his boy recites gravely.

Next to him, Ezra stifles a snort of laughter. Boniface, waiting by the loaded carriage, looks reluctantly amused. Catherine says, “Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to give you a kid?”

“Uh, your boss,” Taako says without looking at her. He stands up from his crouch as the front door closes, and they all turn as McDonald comes down the steps to join them in the crumbly courtyard.

“Are we ready, boys?” he asks with a smile. “Neverwinter is waiting.”

Honestly, Taako has been sick with dread over this trip for the past two weeks, but he wouldn’t know how to go about explaining that. And he sure as hell isn’t sending Angus off alone with his absent-minded grandfather. The kid probably wouldn’t make it home.

It’s not as though Taako has been sequestered in the manor house for the last five years. He’s ambled into the settlement with the girls now and then, has gone farther up the road to buy from caravans for Candlenights gifts, has let himself be bullied, cajoled, blackmailed and bribed into helping Boniface lug imported plants home from the train station.

But this is fucking Neverwinter. The Jewel of the North.

“Taako? You okay?” Angus says from somewhere near his elbow.

“Just dreading three hours on the road playing I, Spy with you, boychik,” he lies smoothly. “Go pet the horses so we can get that out of the way.”

Angus looks mulish for a moment, but he does insist on petting the carthorses before they take the carriage literally anywhere, so he lifts his head and crosses the courtyard with great dignity. Taako watches sharply until Boniface rolls his eyes so hard Taako can practically hear it and hefts Agnus up in one huge arm to better reach the giant creatures without running the risk of getting fucking trampled.

“I’m making the salmon at home tonight,” Catherine says abruptly, a non-sequitur that takes Taako by surprise. “If I don’t fuck it up, I’m gonna cook it here, too. So don’t be late, Teach.”

“I’ll a hundred percent eat your share if you’re late,” Ezra adds. Her smile looks a little strained.

Taako has not been subtle. He’s been freaking out right out loud where anybody could see it. Get it together, asshole, he coaches himself helpfully.

“Cat,” he says earnestly, “your salmon is literally the only thing I have to live for.”

She groans and pushes him away from her. Angus has finished with the horses and returns to Taako at a run, even though they’re all going to be walking back across the courtyard to the carriage in like one minute anyway. 

McDonald is handing out a few last minute instructions. They’re mostly things that have already been taken care of, errands that have already been run, the ushe. The girls nod along politely, but there’s a level of uncertainty lingering above them like a cloud. They look as nervous about Taako leaving as Taako feels.

Now, Taako is many things—an elf, a failed chef, a murderer, a dime-store wizard, and one lucky nanny—but he is not some mercurial fairy tale creature. He’s not going to vanish from their lives the second they lose sight of him. He could if he wanted to, and he will if he has to, but he doesn’t want to. For now, he doesn’t have to.

So he lifts a hand and says, “Back soon.”

But for some reason, it fucking hurts.

#

The trip is about everything he expected it would be: long and boring. Angus gets bored with I, Spy within about ten minutes, the interior of the carriage is a little too tight to practice his cantrips, and Boniface seems to be aiming for the roughest parts of the road on purpose. Taako tries reading aloud from one of the Caleb Cleveland books, but McDonald keeps interrupting every time they get to the good, mysterious parts, so Angus and Taako trade a loaded glance and wordlessly agree to save it for later.

Still, it’s not awful. Angus at six years old is bright-eyed and relentlessly clever. He wants to be a detective like Caleb, and has taken to solving little mysteries around the manor house, like who left the jam out on the counter (Taako, and what are you going to do about it, pumpkin?) and who tracked the mud inside the undercroft (Boniface, obviously, that’s where all the booze is, and he literally works in mud all day. You didn’t have to put on your detective cap for that one).

Needless to say, Taako would burn the whole world down for this kid.  

With no choice but to spend time in his grandson’s company, Taako can see Angus’ innate charm going to work on McDonald. There’s something wistful in the old man’s eyes, affectionate and more than a little bittersweet. He stops interrupting as Angus starts to describe his latest case in great detail—the mystery of the missing tarts!

The tarts are wrapped up and waiting in Taako’s bag for when they inevitably get snacky during the trip, but he's not going to tell. He kinda wants to see how far the kid takes this one.

By the time they board the train, Angus is tuckered out. The excitement of a trip so far from home is wearing off after hours in a carriage, and Taako ends up carrying him into their sleeper car and putting him to bed in one of the bunks.

McDonald takes a seat at the small table and watches without commentary as Taako extracts the boy’s hat and glasses and wand without waking him, pulling the blanket up to his shoulders. And then, out of habit more than anything else, he murmurs the only Elven blessing he remembers, quite literally ‘sweet dreams.’ He remembers Auntie saying it to him, and…someone else, maybe? He remembers that it always made him feel loved to hear it.

“Hiring you was the best thing I could have done for him,” McDonald says suddenly.

Taako turns with a trademark smile on his face, only as charming as it needs to be. “Hiring me was the best thing you ever did, period.”

His boss smiles back, but there’s an edge to it that Taako can’t translate. This is the most present and aware he’s looked in the last five years. Taako isn’t sure he’s ever had this much of McDonald’s attention.

“There’s another reason I wanted to take the two of you with me this week,” he says. 

It’s ominous as fuck, and as the train lurches into motion, pulling away from the station, Taako realizes that he’s effectively trapped here, in a way he never was at the manor house. Some of his thoughts must show on his face, because McDonald’s smile warms a bit, and he gestures at the other chair. 

“It’s a good thing, son. No need to be nervous.”

Taako sits in an irreverent collapsing of limbs to prove that he isn’t nervous, actually. McDonald pulls a bunch of papers out of his briefcase and sets them on the table. They look official as fuck. McDonald’s signature at the bottom draws Taako’s eye—huh, so that’s his first name. After this long, it would have felt a little awkward to ask. Beneath that is the signature and seal of a notary.

“What am I looking at here, Charlie?”

McDonald’s lips twitch. He probably cottoned onto the name thing. 

“Well, this isn’t an easy conversation to have, and I probably could have picked a better time for it, but.” He glances over Taako’s shoulder at where Angus is sleeping. “It’s probably better if the boy doesn’t overhear until it’s sorted.”

“I hear ya. That little bugbear is all up in everyone’s business all the time,” Taako says proudly. “Just the worst.”

“He’s amazing,” McDonald says. That sorrow swims into his eyes now, an ancient, ruinous thing. “He reminds me of my daughter every time I look at him.” Oh. “It’s been…hard to look at him sometimes.” Oh.

Taako carefully reevaluates his opinion of Angus’ absent grandfather. Not too much, because the dude still should have been around, but, you know. Some.

Taako tries to imagine losing somebody, how much it must hurt. He tries to imagine looking like somebody, a family resemblance, a belonging at face-value. He’s never experienced either, but there’s still a bitter pit in his throat, a feeling like if he swallows too hard he’ll start to cry. So he sits very still instead.

“But still, he’s my only grandson, and I want him to be taken care of when I’m gone,” the man goes on. “I’m getting on in years, and I probably don’t have much longer left—oh, Taako. It’s alright.”

Taako is certain he didn’t move. He’s still doing the sitting-very-still thing. Then he realizes his ears betrayed him, pressed back flat against his head. Goddamn things.

“No, it’s uh. Taako’s good, don’t. Just.”

It’s the human age thing. He doesn’t want to think about it. He waves McDonald on, a tight rolling gesture. They really need to power through the rest of this conversation while Taako still has enough self-control left to not do something really embarrassing in front of his boss, like have a whole emotion.

McDonald takes pity. Thank fuck.

“It’s normal to want to get your ducks in a row,” he says. “I’m not planning on kicking the bucket any time soon.”

“Alright, let’s organize these ducks,” Taako says with unwarranted enthusiasm. He’s trying to trick himself into it. “Fucking ducks, am I right?”

“Angus is my heir. When he’s of age, he’ll get the estate and everything that goes with it, as well as his parents’ properties,” McDonald says, once again reminding Taako that he’s a rich old fuck. Istus. “But that’s still more than a decade away. If something should happen to me, I don’t want him to end up a ward of the state.”

Taako blinks. In the back of his mind, he realizes that he has become one of those elves that would one-thousand-percent kidnap a human baby if it came down to it. Leave Agnes in an orphanage? His Agnes? It would literally have never occurred to him.

“Custody cases can be so long-winded. The easiest way to circumvent the whole mess would be to adopt you into the family,” McDonald says, super nonchalant about flipping the world upside down. “That way Angus has an immediate next of kin that no one would question.”

He looks up when Taako doesn’t say anything and frowns at whatever Taako’s face must look like.

“You don’t have to use the surname if you don’t want to. It’s mostly just for the sake of paperwork.”

“I can’t,” Taako blurts.

“Of course. I wouldn’t insist that you change your family name if it’s important to you—”

“Not—not that, who gives a fuck about my family name,” Taako says too loudly. Angus shifts around for a second, like he might wake up, and Taako snaps his mouth closed so hard it hurts his teeth. In a whisper, because it’s all he can manage without giving into the urge to scream, Taako forces out, “I—I’m—I can’t.”

In the nightmare scenarios that still sometimes plague him in the middle of the night, when everyone else is asleep and he’s alone with the voice in his brain that fucking hates him, the choices always boiled down to either leaving Angus behind or taking him on the run. Both choices were fucking awful for a myriad of different reasons, and left Taako pacing his room tirelessly trying to think his way out of an unsolvable problem.

The idea that he could become a legal part of Angus’ family as simply as signing a piece of paper is so far-fetched and ridiculous that he can’t wrap his mind around it.

But bringing all his shit into Angus’ life? Signing up for this only to get snatched away the second the paperwork goes through and the militia finally finds him? Leaving his dirty laundry all over the front yard like the worst fucking house guest imaginable, and then peacing out to spend the rest of his long-ass fucking elf life in jail, while Angus was left to just…deal with that?

He couldn’t. He can’t. Every single option is bad. He shouldn’t have stayed. He should have known he would fall in love with that baby on day one. It’s really fucking stupid that he stayed.

“—aako. Taako.”

Taako jerks his head up. His ears are twitching and his hands are shaking and McDonald has probably been saying his name for awhile.

The man’s eyes are bright and steely. They look exactly like Angus’ do sometimes, when he wakes Taako up from a miserable meditation, when it’s just the two of them in a huge house surrounded by a crumbling garden.

“Tell me,” the man says sternly.

At a fucking complete loss, Taako just…does.

When he’s finished, McDonald looks at him really hard for what feels like a long time. Then he pulls a pair of reading glasses out of an inner pocket of his coat, poises the business end of a fountain pen against a fresh sheet of paper, and starts asking questions.

It’s a business-like, no-nonsense exchange. Taako is wiped out, emotionally he is the equivalent of a damp rag wrung out to dry, and he has no wherewithal left to lie or deny or deflect.

When they’re done, McDonald has filled three notebook pages of blocky handwriting, and Taako is swaying in his seat. He watches somewhat vacantly as McDonald nods to himself and rummages in his briefcase for a stone of farspeech.

“We won’t reach Neverwinter until morning. Get some sleep,” he says, and his voice is kindly again, the way it was before. Taako stares at him. “And don’t tell me elves don’t need it, please. I wasn’t born yesterday, and you nap twice as much as my grandson ever did.”

Well, it would be nice to get one last unnecessary snooze in as a free man, Taako supposes, and he doesn’t hesitate to climb into Angus’ bunk. It’s a familiar ritual. The kid squirms to accommodate him without fully waking. Taako tucks an arm around him and buries his nose in that riot of curly hair.

He hears McDonald say, “You’re not much more than a kid yourself, are you?” but that might have just been part of a dream.

He hears someone else say, “That can’t be broken or lost or taken away, it’s always going to be so important,” but Taako thinks that, whoever that was, they were very clearly wrong.

#

Taako wakes up to a six-year-old’s warm brown eyes. They’re crinkled at the corners in an urchin sort of way, and it’s the only tell Taako needs. His kid has been up to some mischief.  

“Grandpa said you were tired and I should let you sleep,” Angus reports cheerfully. “He also said that there was a nice lady selling flowers a few cars down, and I ought to go buy a few!”

Ah. Taako glances down at the ruin of his hair. It looks like about a hundred snowberry blossoms were worked into the thick flaxen braid. It’s going to be an absolute pain to brush out later. He’ll probably find bits of plant in his hair for days. He loves it.

He risks a glance in McDonald’s direction.

The man looks amused by their whole general existence, which is fair. He also doesn't look like he's about to summon the guard to have Taako hauled into the brig, which is a fucking relief and a half.

“The world changed while you were asleep,” he says significantly. “Would you like to sign the papers now or with your pardon?”

Angus says, all in one breath, “You should sign the papers first! Grandpa says then you’ll be my family! I mean, you already are, so I’m not sure what the point is, but it must be important. Look at how official they are!”

Taako feels about four cups of coffee behind this conversation. He scoots off the bed, spilling into one of the chairs at the table, and folds his hands.

“Charlie. Buddy.”

“I stepped out for two minutes,” McDonald says defensively, “and I thought he was asleep!”

“That’s the oldest trick in the book,” Taako mutters. His heart is doing something really complicated and largely unnecessary, fucking backflipping in his chest, at Angus’ thoughtless ‘you already are.’ Like it was a given. What the fuck. “Can you go back to, uh—the world changing? A pardon? What’s up with that?”  

“An old friend of mine is a cleric,” he says pushing a steaming cup in Taako’s direction. “Level nine, or thereabouts. She owed me a favor from when we were in school together, when I—well, that’s not important. What is important is that she was happy to cast Discern Location to find your old stage manager.”

Taako fumbles the cup, almost drops it. He sets it down hard.

“What the fuck? No, hold that thought. Angus, I love you. Get lost.”

He’s really banking on the kid being more stir-crazy than curious, and sure enough, Angus hops right off the bunk and sprints for the door.

“Okay, I’ll be in the dining car! You’re not s’posed to take food back with you, but I’m gonna see how many pastries I can fit in my pockets so you won’t be hungry when you sign the papers that make you my family! Love you, bye!”

“A three-hour carriage ride followed by six hours on a train was the worst fucking idea,” Taako says severely. “He’s gonna be on eleven when we roll up to Neverwinter. They might not let us in.”

“He’s just excited,” the old man says, with the tranquility of someone who isn’t going to have to child-wrangle all day long. “I told him I had good news for you.”

Taako is fidgeting, turning the cup of coffee around and around in his hands. It’s leaving a ring of condensation on the table.

“You found Sazed?” he asks, and hates how small his voice sounds.

“We did.”

“He probably hates me,” Taako mutters. “I ruined his life.”

McDonald takes the cup from him and sets it down on the other side of the table with a firm clunk. 

“Pardon my language, but you didn’t ruin crud.” Taako mouths ‘crud’ in bewilderment, but McDonald isn’t finished. “I was suspicious of your story when you described the way those people died. Those aren’t the typical symptoms of deadly nightshade, and I’d never heard of a transmutation spell failing in that way before. So I looked into it. Or, I should say, I had a few friends look into it.”

“Are you in a cult?” Taako asks. He can’t help it. He’s one part genuinely curious and two parts hardwired to deflect any time someone tricks him into having a serious conversation. “We frown on cults in this family. Mysterious shadow organizations are never a good thing, no matter what greater-good shit they’re peddling.”

“I’m very rich and belong to very elite social circles,” McDonald says dryly. He’s unmoved by Taako’s general everything. “This whole thing took about three calls. I wish you would have told me about this five years ago, but I do understand why you didn’t.”

Taako doesn’t have a cup to fuck around with anymore. He stopped wearing jewelry when Angus was a baby and literally everything smaller than an apple was a choking hazard, and he never really got into the habit of it again, so he doesn’t have rings to twist around his fingers, either. He wrings his hands instead.

“If it wasn’t the elderberries,” he chokes out, and doesn’t make it any farther.

“It was arsenic,” McDonald says. His voice is kind again, but not so much so that it’s painful to hear. “Sazed was questioned within a Zone of Truth. He admitted to—okay,” he cuts himself off, putting a hand on Taako’s shoulder. “We’re done talking about it for now. Just take it easy.”

Taako doesn’t uncurl from his chair until the door rattles open and Angus’ voice fills the room. He’s found a dozen things to talk about in the ten minutes he’s been gone, and is very proud of himself for all the contraband pastries he managed to make off with. There’s a cheese danish wrapped very carefully in a napkin, only slightly squished, that he presents to Taako with a showy flourish that he really only could have picked up from too much time around one particular idiot.

Taako accepts the danish, and then hauls Angus up onto his lap, and then says, “Charlie, baby. Pass me that fancy pen.”

#

For the first time in almost eight years, Taako is cooking for an audience again. His hands are shaking, but as long as everyone else is politely pretending like they don’t notice, he can do himself the same favor.

I fed those people their death, but it wasn’t on me, he recites inwardly for the seven millionth time, a nervous mantra. My magic was good. My cooking was good. I was good. It wasn’t on me.

He looks up from the counter where all his tools are laid out and his ingredients are arranged. Ezra is bouncing in her seat, Boniface is lingering in the doorway like he doesn’t care but he also isn’t leaving, and Catherine’s eyes are wide and moonlike and younger than Taako has ever seen them. Angus has place of pride, a seat on the counter by the sink with the best view in the house.

“Okay,” he says. “What are the rules, pumpkin?”

“No swiping ingredients, no magic in the kitchen, and no taste-testing until you say it’s okay,” Angus rattles off promptly. “Autographs at the end of the show are three gold apiece, photos are ten, and the overall experience is absolutely priceless.”

Over the sweet sound of the rest of his audience groaning at him, Taako goes on blithely, “And what are we cooking today?”

“Macarons!”

“And who’s your dude?” Taako asks, pointing a whisk at him. Angus giggles, and Taako’s hands aren’t shaking anymore.

In a month, Angus is going off to a summer camp out past Rockport. It’s Caleb Cleveland-themed, and the whole thing sounds extremely nerdy and book-cluby, and Angus is desperately excited. He’s also desperately nervous about being away from his family for three whole weeks but he’s trying to keep that on the down-low. He’s very grown up at nearly ten years old.

Taako can respect that. He also bought the kid a stone of farspeech, because actually fuck that.

And while Angus is off having his first away-from-home adventure—since the girls think that Taako’s just going to be useless and mopey the whole time, and Boniface already threatened to bury him in a flowerbed the first time he whines about literally anything—Taako is going to go do something cool, too. There’s always some interesting jobs posted on Craig's List up in Neverwinter. He’ll be able to find something to occupy his time.  

But for now, he’s gonna make some goddamn desserts.

“Come on, Ango,” Taako wheedles, “who’s your dude?”

“You, papa.”

I’m good, Taako reminds himself. He looks at his kid, who only deserves the best this piece of shit world has to offer, and thinks, I can be good.

[adultswim2021]

Ephemera Week (2002)

It’s still ephemera week, and we’re still talking about John K. I said most of my piece on him in the last post, so don’t expect there to go full bore on this one, except I forgot to say he’s animation’s Jerry Lewis. His current stuff is basically Hardly Working. I will not elaborate, because I’m being mean to you0.

MARCH SPECIALS!

In March, Adult Swim advertised a run of one-off specials. A couple of them were already covered because they fell under the parameters of “Adult Swim original production”. They were Welcome to Eltingville (March 3rd) and Saddle Rash (March 24th).

Day in the Life of Ranger Smith | March 10th 2002 - 11:00 PM (Originally aired on Cartoon Network in 1999)

This was one of two specials commissioned by Cartoon Network re-imagining Yogi Bear. The artist what took this assignment was John K, who I REEEAALLY skewered in last night’s post, didn’t I?

This is about Ranger Smith harassing animals and writing them up for violating park rules, basically. It’s short! I remember liking it at the time! Okay, maybe I’m going crazy here, but I distinctly remembered a part at the end where Ranger Smith is in bed and he solemnly confides in the viewer that the noises of wilderness give him nightmares and then it just ends. Did I imagine this? It does end with him in bed, but this doesn’t happen in the version on YouTube (which is from the Adult Swim airing). Huh.

Boo Boo Runs Wild | March 10th 2002 - 11:15PM (Originally aired on Cartoon Network in 1999)

Boo Boo Runs Wild was another one of these stand-alone Yogi Bear John K specials. This one was 30 minutes long. The Ranger Smith short was a brief 7 minutes; I’m guessing they aired a couple Capt. Lingers or something to fill time.

This one is about Boo Boo reverting to his feral nature and causing BIIIIG problems! This special would later go on to be kind of a weird trolling thing Adult Swim would do where they aired it every Sunday for a few months, even promoting regularly. This was like 2006, I think? They’d also air it as part of April Fools. Is that Adult Swim admitting this special sorta sucks? Does it sorta suck? Again, I liked these at the time and REFUSED to actively rewatch these for this write-up. Sorry.

The Jetsons: Father and Son Day/The Best Son | March 10th, 2002 11:45PM (Originally aired on CartoonNetwork.com in 2001) Our John K rock block ends with a pair of Jetsons shorts, Father and Son Day and The Best Son respectively. This is kinda the same deal as his Yogi Bear shorts, but these were exclusive for Cartoon Network’s website. I remember watching them on there. They are as bad as you’d expect late-period John K internet shorts to be, though the second short is a superior version of Spielberg’s A.I. (in that it’s shorter).

Night of the Living Doo | March 17th, 2002 - 11:00PM (originally aired on Cartoon Network, 2001)

Night of the Living Doo originally aired as wraparound segments during a Halloween Scooby Doo marathon on Cartoon Network. It’s kinda like an episode of the Scooby Doo Movies, which shoehorned in a guest star each episode. Suddenly my man Dick Van Dyke be running a carnival and shit. That’s the Scooby Doo Movies. At the end of the night they played all the wraparound segments in one uninterrupted sitting, so the viewer could appreciate it as an actual full-on Scooby Doo episode. Night of the Living Doo functioned both as an extension of that series as well as a parody. The guests were Gary Coleman, David Cross, and the very cool band Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. It was all very self-deprecating and had jokes about the absurdity of Scooby Doo tropes. Well trod territory by this point, sure. But this is better than most irreverent Scooby Doo things. It didn’t hurt that I was a HUGE David Cross fan when this aired. Is this where I tell the stupid-ass story about getting mad at a message board guy for not liking David Cross? Sure. Okay, yeah. When this aired on Adult Swim a guy on Kon’s (hi Kon) message board posted something about not finding David Cross funny, shrugging that he didn’t get the hype. He cited this and his appearances in the Men in Black movies, and nothing else as proof for his lackluster comedy skills. It’s kinda like deeming Eddie Murphy as a bad comedian after watching Dr. Doolittle.

The point of this special is that David Cross is a little wooden and stilted, like in the old Scooby Doo Movies episodes. This poster revealed that he never heard David Cross’s stand-up or seen Mr. Show, explaining “I don’t watch puppet shows” A response that still baffles me to this day. Why Mr. Show isn’t a-- WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT? I’m not even sure if there was EVER a puppet on Mr. Show*. David wasn’t even a guest on Crank Yankers at this point! SO WHAT THE FUCK? To this day whenever mutual pals from that board get together and watch a movie or show and a puppet appears we make a joke about this guy. Good story? No? Fuck you.

Other stuff about this show: When it originally aired on Cartoon Network it was a little bit longer than the Adult Swim version. There’s a missing scene. I think it’s David trying to play an improv game with a mummy or something. At one point I had it on tape, but I’m not sure I kept it. Sorry.

*sorry to be coy here, but I do know of at least one puppet on Mr. Show, episode 204 there is brief footage of Grass Valley Greg putting on a puppet show for his staff. This CAN’T be the source of the confusion, can it? It’s literally like, 5 seconds.

MAIL BAG

This’ll teach me to skip a day cuz this really piled up. Thanks, guys. I love all the attention. It is my favorite thing.

I never really saw oblongs as something for the hot topic set. They had Invader Zim and Squee for that kind of shit. Oblongs feel like it was always directly targeting me: the shut-in comedy nerd who would appreciate will ferrell and the sklars being in a thing. Since they ended up doing the exact same show with Janeane Garofalo and David Cross a few years later it seems like that was the goal.

Yeah, I guess that also makes sense. There were a few elements that were kinda gothy but this show was mostly just Angus Oblong ahem, clowning around (puckering mouth to stifle laughter like Chris Elliott in Cabin Boy)

What are your thoughts on the other adult animation blocks of the past couple decades? Spike's notriously failed attempt. Animation Domination. Apparently Syfy has had their own going?

Spike was irredeemably bad. People think this shit is easy. Animation Domination is sorta legit, but it’s anchored by mostly crap. That ADHD thing was kinda good and underrated. Is that still going on? I wish I were more diligent about watching/recording that. Some of them bumpers were good. Also, we mustn’t forget MTV’s oddities. They were kinda the first cable network to court Adult Animation as their thing. They deserve some kind of credit for that. I’m sure they’re doing fine.

I'm having a nice big thing of spaghetti for dinner with some chicken parm? Jealous?

I’ve never had those are they good

What does Ephemera mean? Why is this happenening? Why aren't you talking about 10 Home Movies episodes in a row like a good boy.

In dude time, my friend. In dude time

What would be your Adult Swim dream come true?

Having a complete archive of Adult Swim blocks on a harddrive like Don Giller has with his Letterman archive. Even the commercials and shit. I know of a guy who was a regular taper of the entire block from night 1 but I’m not sure he kept up with it when they went nightly. I should ask him if he still has his tapes, huh?

That or they bring back the BUILD YOUR OWN DVD thing but with blu-rays and you can make your own bumps, which was a different thing they had. THEY SHOULD COMBINE THEM. And you can master it in SD if you wanna put 10 hours of stuff on a disk.

All this is archival bullshit dork shit. Real answer: Clay Croker comes back from the dead and every block is hosted by Space Ghost. That’d be it, right?

If anyone has genuine/better answers please write in with them I wanna keep this conversation going. ‘kay?

McDonalds reintroduces limited edition Adult Swim Toys. You can get them all (plus an extra to keep wrapped for collectors purposes) but you have to spend 20 dollars at McDonalds to grab them all. This is the last day of the promotion. You have to personally eat everything you buy but you can take it home. You can only buy one of each food item. What are you getting? I know the longer the mailbag message is the quicker you are inclined to give some glib remark but indulge this one for once.

Oh wow. I’m literally going to take this seriously. I’d roll in as breakfast was ending. Get myself a McChicken Biscuit and a Bacon Egg & Cheese McGriddle, hashbrowns and a Coffee. Gobble that knob on down. Wipe my mouth with a napkin. It’s lunchtime, bitch. Big Mac, Large Fries, BIG ass soda. You feel me, dude? Lemme tally up. Okay, probably need more. 20 piece nugget. Take that home cuz I’m probably gonna have to save some for dinner. That’s probably 20 bucks right there, especially if you go to the McDonalds on Burnside where all the menu items are more expensive because of the amount of security they have to hire (did you know that different McDonalds have different prices even in the same city? I didn’t until very recently). If this somehow doesn’t satisfy my price point I get a Vanilla shake and eat it anally DURING my BIG D squirt sesh, so it’ll spend as little time in my body as possible. Wait, do I get something for this? I might do this tomorrow just cuz. It sounds like a funky thing to do

Do you think you'll open an Adult Swim mueseum at some point? You seem to be the only steward of its history.

Unless I’m hired to by a large corporation, probably not. Also I don’t think I actually have much in the way of merch other than DVDs. I stopped being a DVD completist at some point around Freaknick The Musical. Oh, I never EVER bought a Robot Chicken DVD, EVER. I literally had a nightmare once that one appeared in my collection.

Hey! Please keep us abreast any time you put more of your garbage on eBay. Maybe you can put your wedding dress on there, you big girl.

Fucking sexist/trasphobic behavior.

Check out my eBay auctions I got season 18 of NCIS up there and some other things :)

The Ripping Friends blow chunks. I don't care if a rapist or the opposite of a rapist (a virgin who volunteers, lol) made it. It sucks a high hard one like when Ozzy banged the Cheiftan's Wife in that Black Sabbath TV Funhouse cartoon. Tell me more.

Tell you more?

Name one rap song you tolerate lol. You can't say anything by weird al or marky mark.

I guess I like the song the pest sings from the motion picture The Pest

Are there any good podcasts on adult swim?

The official one hosted by Matt Harrigan is good, but I’ve only bounced around on it. I don’t know if there’s any formal recap ones. I simply don’t know!

HE'S GIVING HIGH HARD ONE TO CHEIFTAN'S WIFE? UH OH!

Buddy, you are BANNED for LIFE from my MAIL BAG! You drive me CRAZY!

[deanswaywardgirl]

A Darker Reality

chevyA?N: This is the origin of my OC, Faith Delaney, in case any of you are curious. I don’t remember posting this, but if I did, lemme know. You know, if anyone runs across it or whatever. If not, well, here you go. 

Warnings: Protective Dean (yes that’s a warning because the protective part of him melts me), mentions of abuse, depression, anxiety

"Slut! Get the hell out of my sight!" Faith's father yelled, raising the frying pan to hit her. The edges of her visions darkened as the pan met the top of her head, causing her to cry out before forcing herself to her feet and fleeing to her bedroom, closing the door behind her and leaning against it. Tears blurred her vision as she raised her eyes to her Supernatural poster. Moving to sit underneath it, Faith curled up against the wall and closed her eyes, sobbing. She dreamed of either dying, or being a hunter like Dean and Sam. Free, safe...ish. 

No parents hitting you every chance they get. At this point in her life, Faith would rather be thrown around a room by a demon. But then, she was sure everybody would disagree and say she was being overdramatic, which only pissed Faith off. 'How the hell would they know what I prefer, or what I go through every hour of every day?' she thought to herself. Raising her eyes to the mirror, she looked like a horror movie reject. Her shirt was torn by cigarette burns. Her face, arms, and legs were black, blue, purple, and red from the blood running from multiple wounds. She knew her "parents" wouldn't kill her; they wouldn't have anyone to beat anymore. "I'm a real Max Miller," she told her reflection as she stitched herself up. That was when she caught sight of the scars on her wrists from self-abuse. "Without the powers, obviously." Her voice cracked, recalling how Max Miller's story in season 1 of Supernatural had ended, it sending a chill down her spine. It was then she thought about how close she's come to ending her life the same way. Faith put the stitch kit away and lifted a floorboard and pulled out her laptop a friend from highschool had given to her before she'd graduated. She turned on Nightmare from said show, and laid down, thinking of everything Supernatural had done for her. The comfort and feeling of safety it brought her as, everytime she watched it, she felt like the boys were in the room with her, protecting her. It was crazy, but it helped ease her fear of being attacked every second of every day. Licking her lips, she was soon fast asleep, listening to Sam and Dean talk. The volume was up high enough that it sounded like they were in the room with her. 

****************

Gasping awake, Faith shot up from her spot on the floor and breathed heavily, waiting for the blow that would never come. She sat up and looked around, growing confused. Her laptop, her 'bed, which consisted of several secretly acquired blankets piled on top of each other, her movies, her poster, even her mirror  were all gone. "What the hell?" she asked nobody in particular. She knew, without a doubt, her father would've beaten her senseless if he'd found her carefully hidden treasures. Getting to her feet, Faith could feel she was the only person in the house. Opening her door, she crept down the stairs and around the house until she was comfortably satisfied with her findings. Opening the front door, Faith went to take a step outside before she was violently thrown back into the house, sliding across the wood floors into the dining room. Shakily, she stood, rubbing her head and her back. Faith slowly approached the door, wondering if anyone outside the house had seen what had happened. It had felt like she had bounced off something. "I think you hit your head pretty hard, Faith, don't start losing it now." Sticking her hands up, she felt something like the outside of a tight bubble, something that was locking her inside. Faith rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Okay, okay, let's try this again." Going to take a step outside, Faith squealed as she was once again thrown back into the house, grunting as she stood up. "This can't be good." As if on cue, the door slammed shut and locked itself. "That damn Stay Puft Marshmellow Man," Faith growled before going back upstairs, done for the day. ******************* Days passed, but Faith never could find a way out of the house. She felt like a ghost in her own house, except she could touch everything in the house. Her sadness and depression soon became her only unwelcome companions, and soon, she was building the guts to take her own life. Tears fell down her cheeks as she put Dean's Samulet around her neck. "Who knows, Faith, maybe your version of Heaven is watching Supernatural with no interruptions, no beatings, no pain and no tears," she told herself as she loaded the gun in her hand. "You'll be safe, you'll be happy." Placing the gun against her chin, she aimed it toward her brain. Just then, the purr of a very familiar engine caught her attention and caused her to put the gun down and crawl over to the window, and gaze down in shock at a car she'd loved the minute she'd seen it, the one car she could see herself riding in every day. A car that was home for her two favorite men in the world. "Baby," she whispered and watched as two men stepped out, both familiar tell-tale men. "Oh my god," Faith gasped, the color draining from her face as she watched them approach the front door. "Oh god," she cried, and backed away from the window. "Okay, Faith, get a grip. This is obviously a dream. Take advantage of it, don't scare them off. Just be cool," she advised herself. As if on cue, the doorbell rang and Faith smiled as she took a deep breath descending the stairs, and another heading to the door. Opening the door, but standing as far inside as she could, she moved her eyes to both of the Winchesters' faces. "Hi, can I help you guys?" she asked. "Hey, I'm Agent Angus. This is my partner, Agent Young. We've been getting noise complaints from your neighbors. Complaints of screaming. Are you alright?" Sam asked. Faith smiled and licked her lips before shaking her head. "I'm fine, Sam," she replied before raising her hands, backing up into the houses, facing down their firearms. "Easy, guys, l'm no demon or shapeshifter or vampire, I promise. Let me prove it," she said and turned to Dean. "Silver blade and flask," she said and arched a brow at him. Dean glanced at Sam before lowering his gun and taking both out. Faith first took the flask and poured a little on her arm before touching the silver blade, handing the flask back. She then pulled up her upper lip so they could see she wasn't a vampire. "Guys, sit down, and I'll explain everything." She gestured to the couch and folded her hands in front of her. "Before I sit, would you guys like a coffee or anything?" she asked, rubbing the back of her neck. Dean looked at Sam and shrugged. "Coffee, please," he replied and gave her a tightened smile, placing his elbows on his knees. Faith nodded and went to the kitchen, soon coming back with two mugs of coffee before sitting across from them in a recliner. "Thank you, um..." Dean arched a brow, and Faith realized he wanted her name. "Oh, Faith. Faith Delaney. You can just call me Faith." "Faith, great. So, go ahead. How do you know Dean and I?" Sam asked, calmly. Faith licked her lips. "I'm Faith Delaney. I was born December 2, 1988 in Dallas, Texas and I've lived...er, existed, to regret that day ever since...until today." Rubbing her thighs, she sighed and rubbed her hands together. "But, I wasn't born a part of this world," she said, raising her blue eyes to theirs, watching as they glanced at each other in confusion, and turned back to her. "Did you really think that was gonna clear anything up?" Dean asked, one brow arching as he pursed his lips. Faith sighed and licked her lips. "Right, okay. Well, there's no easy way to put this, so I'm just gonna come right out and say it. Boys, I know you both because, where I'm from, you're television characters." Dean scoffed and stood up, shaking his head as he turned away from her. Faith swallowed hard and bowed her head, slightly flinching, expecting him to hit her, something Sam caught sight of. His brow furrowed as he filed that away for later. "I can prove it. Sam, what's the date today?" she asked, forcing her eyes to the younger Winchester.

"September 24, 2008. Why?" Sam countered. Faith's eyes moved to Dean, sympathy apparent in her features as she could tell how jumpy he was, his whole body tense and alert. "You just got back from Hell six days ago," she said, gently, and turned back to Sam, who was looking at Dean, Dean looking back at him, shock on both their faces. Sam then turned back to Faith. "Okay, here goes. Sam Winchester, you were born May 2, 1983 in Lawrence, Kansas to John and Mary Winchester. Dean, here, you were born the twenty-fourth of January in '79. Sam, you were six months old, Dean four years old, when Mary was killed by Azazel, the yellow eyed demon. He cursed you with visions of death, but we'll get to that later. John was distraught, completely broken-hearted. And angry. So angry, he became a hunter to get revenge, and so, you and Dean were raised into it. Something your mother never wanted, by the way. Dean, you embraced the hunter life when you were sixteen years old after killing a vampire, well, some kind of monster with your dad. Got the impala on your nineteenth birthday. But Sam," she turned her eyes back to the younger Winchester, "you didn't want any part of it, so you took off when you could and went to Stanford. Wanting to get into law school. There, you met Jessica Moore. From what I could tell, a strong and intelligent blond that ended up stealing that beautiful heart inside of you," she told him with a warm smile and a wink. "Two years or so later, your brother broke into your apartment and convinced you to go look for John, and you both ended up hunting A Woman in White. You never found John. Dean took you back home, and that same night, you lost Jessica. Same way you lost your mother." She swallowed hard and licked her lips. "Both of you hit the road after that, hunting wendigoes, shapeshifters, faced your first demon on an airplane. Phantom traveler. You guys even faced an Indian curse that had to do with bugs. I hated that episode, by the way. You went back home to Lawrence to face a poltergeist in your old house, two of them and one of them being your mother. She saved you both. Skip down the road, you lost your father to Yellow Eyes as well, after he made a deal to save Dean, who ended up in a coma after a terrible car accident. Dean, going crazy with guilt, made a deal to bring you back from the dead a year later. A year after that, you lost Dean to hellhounds. And now, you're back, and here we all are." She sighed and watched the two of them, both uncomfortable about a complete stranger telling them their whole life story. "And boys, that's just seasons one through three. We're just starting season four." Sam sighed and glanced up at Dean, who was obviously not buying any of it. Faith swallowed hard as she watched him, and stood up, her eyes full of sympathy. "Dean, I'm promising you this now, on my soul, I'm not lying to you. I have nothing to gain from lying, and I wouldn't lie to you. Not after everything the two of you have done for me....you two were there when I had no one. Hell, if you guys hadn't shown up when you did, I'd have shot myself upstairs. So, once again, you two have saved my life." Dean felt in his gut, despite what she was telling them being impossible, that she was telling the truth. Licking his lips, he sighed. "Okay," he finally spoke, "let's pretend you're telling us the truth. How are you here now? I mean, I assume that magic doesn't exist on the other side, so how'd you get here?" Faith shook her head. "I dunno. I went to sleep last night watching Nightmare, and woke up to a house that was completely void of people.  My laptop, all of my stuff was gone." Both boys' brows furrowed. "Nightmare?" Sam asked. "The case involving Max Miller, Sammy--er, Sam, I'm sorry." she said and shook her head with an apologetic smile. "Wait,you keep saying things like we saved your life, that you were alone without us, and you'd be a doornail upstairs if we hadn't shown up." Faith turned pained blue eyes up to him. "Were you depressed?" Dean asked, his brow furrowed. "That happens when you have a crappy home life. No disrespect to your parents, guys, but at least you two are free. But really, its all in the eyes of the beholder." "What do you mean?" Dean asked, his eyes moved over her. He saw the stitches, the scars, the bruises. "You were abused." Faith swallowed, pulling her sleeves down past her hands before wrapping her arms around herself, giving him a stiff nod without looking up at him. "He wasn't the only one doing the abusing, he just did most of it," she muttered, her thumb rubbing at her wrist. Dean clenched his jaw and closed his eyes before wiping his hand over his face. 

"Guys, there's something else. I can't leave the house, like, at all. When I first woke up, back in August, I tried walking outside just to get some fresh air and got thrown back in. It felt like I'd bounced off something. There's something wrong with this house, like its possessed or something. And before you suggest it, I'm not a ghost. I have a heartbeat." Faith took a deep breath and rubbed her forehead, exhausted. "I'm tired, stressed, and emotional. I'm all alone, and I'm on the verge of going stir crazy." She looked between the brothers, and watched as they exchanged soulful looks. "Go ahead and talk, guys, just please..." her voice cracked as she moved her eyes to Dean. "Please, Dean...don't leave me here alone. I don't wanna be alone anymore. Just help me leave this place. You don't trust me, I get it. I'm nobody to you, but I'm begging you here...I'm at your mercy," she whispered. Dean swallowed hard as he listened to her, feeling for this girl.

"Okay. Okay, Faith, look at me," he called to her, earning a teary look. "We'll help you, sweetheart." Sam stood and went to place his hand on her shoulder when she jumped back and crossed her arms over her chest and sighed. "I'm sorry, Sam, its a habit." "No, I'm sorry, Faith." The girl shook her head with a warm smile. "You have nothing to apologize for. It'll just take some getting used to. Trusting people, that is." "Well, we won't hurt you, that's for sure, and we'll set you free. You'll be okay," Dean told her and winked, earning a smile from the girl. ******************* "Okay. So, we think a demon brought you here with a spell, but didn't finish it. And that's why you can't leave this place." "Slacker idjit," she said, and rolled her eyes, then glanced up at Dean who was slightly smirking down at her, then licked his lips. "Anyway, we asked a friend to help us out," he said and opened the door. "Faith, say hello to our little friend," he said with an attempt at an Italian accent. She chuckled and heard the sound of fluttering wings, then turned around to see Castiel standing there. "Hello, Faith," the angel said, simply. "Hey Cas. Good to meet the angel who pulled Dean out of the pit. Nice job with that," she said, her arms crossed over her chest. She noticed the angel give her a curious look before he circled her. "Now, I see why they attempted to bring her here." "What do you mean, Cas?" Dean asked, watching the angel. "Killing a Nephilim is one of the sixty-six seals. And with Faith, you're killing two birds with one stone. If they kill Faith, then not only is Lilith breaking another seal, but she's taking away Michael's second in command in the battle between Heaven and Hell." Faith's brow furrowed as she turned confused and slightly afraid blue eyes to Dean.

"What is he talking about?" she asked and turned to Castiel. "What do you mean by Nephilim? I'm human, Castiel!" she panicked. The angel moved up to her and stared deeply into her eyes, making Faith incredibly uncomfortable. "You have no memory of this? The angel that conceived you must've erased any memories you had. Faith, you're half arch-angel, half human. You're a Nephilim." The color drained from the girl's face as she felt like her lungs had stopped working and her legs had turned to jello. Gasping for breath, Faith searched for something to sit on. "No wonder we could never find her, the Heavenly Hosts erased her memories and put  her in a different realm," Castiel continued, not paying attention to the hyperventilating girl in front of him. Dean turned to his friend, who now stood at the window.

"Castiel, what do you mean you couldn't find her? You've known about her this whole time? Look, we're supposed to be helping this girl, not giving her a heartattack," Dean scolded the angel before kneeling down in front of Faith and took her hand. "Faith, look at me, and breathe. There you go," he said when her breathing started to slow and even out, "That's it, good girl." Faith relaxed in her chair, and forced her eyes from Dean to Castiel who was now staring at her. "If you're sure, then that means I've been from this world the entire time." Faith said and rubbed her forehead. "But why send me to that side of the fence? And why hand me over to those abusive..." Her eyes glowed a bright blue as lights blew out around her, her angel wings speading out behind her, the shadow of them on the wall behind her, her fists clenched tightly at her sides.

"Faith! Calm down!" Castiel called to her, and saw no choice as he placed two fingers to her forehead, watching as she fell to the floor, fast asleep. "What the hell was that?" Dean growled at Cas before looking down at the sleeping girl at his feet. "Dean, this girl...it all makes sense now. Years ago, there was a rumor that a Nephilim had come into being, but we could never find it. Michael never comes to Earth, so we had no reason to suspect him of such treason. This girl dead will achieve three victories for the demons. One broken seal, she won't play her pivotal part in the apocalypse, and she's the Nephilim child of the highest archangel on the scale, Michael." Dean's eyes widened before they fell back down to the sleeping girl at his feet. Swallowing hard, he gently scooped her up into his arms and laid her on the bed, then turned back to Castiel. "You're sure about this?" he asked. "Yes." "How?" "Dean, I can see Michael's mark on her heart. Its how we tell who the angel father is. Almost like a brand. Nephilim are forbidden by the highest laws of Heaven which explains why he put her somewhere nobody would ever look. But still, I can't believe he'd do this."

"What's gonna happen to her?" Dean asked, glancing down at the sleeping girl. "I don't know." Dean's attention snapped to Castiel. "You're not gonna help her? Why? Cas, she's an innocent girl. She didn't ask for any of this, man, and that includes being created, or to be brought here by the damn demons that want her dead. She doesn't deserve to be killed like a common monster." He sighed, squeezing the bridge of his nose. "We'll fix this, then we'll get her out of here, and take her to Bobby's, and go from there. I'm not leaving an innocent girl, who's not even a hunter, to fend for herself against Heaven and Hell, and everything else in between. Especially after everything she's already been through. As far as I can tell, she deserves better than both Michael and that son of a bitch on the other side," Dean said, shaking his head. *******************

Faith awoke to the purr of an engine that sounded like it was coming from beneath her. Blinking her eyes open, she glanced around the interior of the impala and couldn't help but smile. "You didn't leave me behind," she said, softly, earning Dean's attention. "I made you a promise, didn't I?" he asked her, and handed her a brown bag. "Bacon cheeseburger, no onions. You don't seem like a chick that likes onions," he told her, not taking his eyes off the road. "Good call," she said, glad he couldn't see the red tint in her cheeks, taking the burger out and biting into it, moaning. "Oh god, Dean, that's awesome." Dean smirked. "I have a feeling we're gonna be good friends." Faith smiled brightly and ate her burger quietly, not pushing her limits.

@ellewritesfix05​ @whispersandwhiskerburn​ @chevyharvelle​ @allfandomxreader​

[shay-writing-corner]

chapter: prologue

description: as of right now it’s a prologue, giving you a bit of an inside of Colton 

word count: 1470

pairing: none yet

warning: panic attack

notes: inspired by @twstedforyou​ ‘s youkai au, I’m so obsessed with their au, and my brain is basically scream write it, please check them out, they’re so cool and their art is awesome

══════✮❁•°♛°•❁✮ ══════

It’s been a year since that day happened.

The day that Colton and Angus have leave from their old home, away from her and have live with Eli, and it’s been a month that he now lived in Japan.

Colton is currently at his room putting on his new uniform, he sighs as stares at his reflection on the mirror, he just finished tied his locks into a short pony tail, and is now just stare at the bangs under his blue eyes. He knew that Eli wanted him to go to school to at least graduate high school, but he just doesn’t see he point as to why. With his life is a mess. Colton sigh again ‘no…try not to think that Colton…just push through until I graduate high school, then try to find a job for Angus and for Eli’ he thought to himself and one more glance at the mirror and head out of his room.

Only to be greeted by a boy smiling brightly at him, “Coco!” the boy chimed, Colton tense shoulder looks relax as he give the boy a little smile “hey Angus, ready to go on your first day?” he ask softly while petting Angus messy dirty blonde hair, taking a good look at his little brother’s uniform.

Angus smile and nod “yes! I want to make lots of friends” he says cheerfully, “hehehe….and I’m sure you will, come on” the eldest brother says and the two left the house.

The two walk all the way to a kindergarten where Colton could see other parents dropping their kids of, he look down at Angus who looks a bit nervous now seeing the facility that’s filled with kids running around, he huff in amusement and crotch down to look at Angus in the face “nervous?” Angus looks at the school and looks back at him and looks at the ground “a little...”

“Don’t worry, you’ll be alright, you’ll meet plenty of kids here, and they even want to be your friend” Angus slowly looks at Colton “…really?” 

Colton give a smile of reassurance and nod “that’s right, you have nothing to worry about….hehe now come on, give me that smile” he then poke his cheek and side making Angus giggle tries to get away from the touch.

Colton chuckle “there’s that smile. Now remember, be careful, don’t talk to anyone that is not a teacher, and wait for me or Eli to pick you up, ok?” Angus, nod in determined “ok Coco” he gives Colton a hug before running off “bye Coco”.

Colton watch as Angus goes to greet at the other kids before walking away from the kindergarten. Luckily his school is near the kindergarten so if Eli couldn’t bring Angus, he could pick him up. 

But as he walk all the way to school, he start to have a feeling that someone is watching him, looking back finding no one, he shrugs it off and just continue walking until he is at he front of the school.    

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The bell rings at end of the school days, Colton sighs as pack up. The day at school is not that bad; he introduced himself and borrows a note from a student next to him, who introduced as Okuda Kotarou. The two became good acquaintance, making small talks every now and then, but Colton noticed that Kotarou likes to keep things to himself, which he’s fine with. And while Colton have to make some small talks with other student, he manage to distance himself from the other student.

It didn’t matter that he will make any friend; it’s only a year until graduation so he’s not that worried. At lunch he got a text from Eli saying that he had already pick Angus from kindergarten so he can take his time walking back home.

“I’ll see you around Okuda” he says taking his bag.

“See you, Carmen” the boy reply not looking up from his phone and Colton leaves the school.

As he walks back home, he start to feel that he is being followed again. He looks around only to see no one. Feeling unease, he walks a bit faster he tries to keep calm. Yet, he find himself constantly looking around while trying to walking as normally as he can. Heart pounding with every step he took, his mind starts to feel hazy, a sense of paranoid creeping over him when he couldn't see anyone following him.

‘Calm down Colton, maybe your overthinking it, just a few more until your back home, try to keep a clear mind and just push through’ he tries to reassure himself but no avail, he soon find himself sprinting until he’s home.

The door burst open, and Colton makes a run to his room, ignoring the two people who looks at him worried. When he finally reach his room, his breaths are uneven, the room echo's in the fast thump from his heart, he feels his room is spinning, he could barely holding on, he could barely breath-

‘Colton...calm down’

‘No...no I can’t’

‘Yes you can, just breath slowly’

‘I can’t...I feel eyes on me’

‘there’s no one there...you’re alright...breath in and out, just like what Eli taught you’

Slowly, Colton starts to take a deep breath before letting out, and took another. He did this for a few minutes to for him feels like an hour, his mind start to clear up a bit, but he still feels anxious.

“Colton?”

The brunette looks up to see a man, dark navy hair and deep brown eyes that is filled with concern, he watches as he slowly make his way to him and crotch down next to him. He looks down ‘huh...I didn’t realize I was on the ground’

“Colton…what happened?” Eli ask gently and place his hand at Colton’s shoulder, Colton took a shaky breath and slowly looks up at Eli and gives a shaky smile “I’m sorry...I-I thought that someone was following me...but I’m just paranoid...and I guess I’m getting anxious over it, but really...I’m ok”

Eli looks at him in concern, it’s obvious that he’s not buying it, “are you sure you’re alright, to the point that you’ve got a panic attack. If you want, I can take you and Angus to school from now on, just for you to be safe”

He desperately wants to yes, but he doesn’t want to burden Eli all because he is paranoid, he shakes his head “no...It’s alright, you don’t need to, and really…I can handle it...sorry for worrying you”

Eli raised his eyebrow, he sighs and gives Colton a side hug, much to the brunette surprised “I told you before, you don’t need to feel like you’re being a burden by asking for something or asking for help, as your guardian, it’s my job to keep the both of you safe and live comfortable, so again...if you need anything, anything at all, don’t think much and just ask, alright?”

Colton looks down for a moment and gives a silent nod and looks at Eli who gave him a reassuring smile.

“Coco?” the two man turn to see Angus looking concern at his brother, Eli detach from Colton he goes to Angus “hey Angus” he say gently as he crotch down to him.

“You have panic attack?” he ask, Colton nodded “yeah, I had a panic attack”

Angus pouted and hugs Colton “panic attack go away”. 

The brunette chuckles and hugs Angus back “don’t worry Angus, it’s gone now” Eli goes to them and pat Angus hair “it’s all good now Angus”. 

Angus look at Eli and looks at Colton who gives him a reassure smile “really Angus, I am fine, especially after you give me a hug”.

Angus eyes brighten and say “then I’ll give you a hug everyday so the panic attack would go away” and reattach his arms around Colton again, he chuckles and ruffle Angus hair “ok Angus”.

Eli chuckles “alright then, now why don’t we eat dinner now” the two brothers nod and Colton pick Angus up and start walking to the dining room, but as they walk pass the living room.

“Master”

Colton pauses and look around the room, “Coco?” Angus asks curiously, Colton shake his head ‘I might be hearing things’ he thought and gives Angus a smile “nothing”.

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Unknown to them, outside of a pair of glowing blue eyes and blue flame comes out from his cat ear and two tails. staring from out to in, more specifically at a certain brunette, the figure stare at him while clutching onto a blue rope as if it was the only most precious treasure in the whole world

“I finally found you, master”

all good now Angus”. 

Angus look at Eli and looks at Colton who gives him a reassure smile “really Angus, I am fine, especially after you give me a hug”.

Angus eyes brighten and say “then I’ll give you a hug everyday so the panic attack would go away” and reattach his arms around Colton again, he chuckles and ruffle Angus hair “ok Angus”.

Eli chuckles “alright then, now why don’t we eat dinner now” the two brothers nod and Colton pick Angus up and start walking to the dining room, but as they walk pass the living room.

“Master”

Colton pause and look around the room, “Coco?” Angus ask curiously, Colton shake his head ‘I might be hearing things’ he thought and gives Angus a smile “nothing”.

══════✮❁•°♛°•❁✮ ══════

Unknown to the them, outside of a pair of glowing blue eyes and blue flame comes out from his cat ear and two tails. staring from out to in, more specifically at a certain brunette, the figure stare at him while clutching onto a blue rope as if it was the only most precious treasure in the whole world

“I finally found you, master”

[anistarrose]

Fear The Reaper A Lot, Actually (TAZ Balance AU)

AO3

Summary: In the aftermath of the catastrophe at the Miller Lab, Kravitz strikes a deal with his bounties. Their crimes against death will be forgiven if they can bring in two specific liches for arrest…

But unfortunately, those liches are named Lup and Barry J. Bluejeans.

Characters: Kravitz, Taako, Barry Bluejeans, Angus McDonald, Magnus Burnsides, Merle Highchurch, Noelle | No-3113, The Raven Queen, misc. BoB cameos

Relationships: Taakitz, Angus McDonald & Taako, Barry Bluejeans & Kravitz

I posted the second of three scenes in this chapter on Tumblr in January, not really expecting to continue it at the time, but it was well-received there, and I realized that I actually have a lot more ideas for this AU than I expected! This fic has been in the works for months, and I’m simultaneously so excited, nervous, and relieved to get it out of my mind and into the world.

That said, there is one other person who’s read this fic before, and that’s @fexiled! They’ve been an awesome (and patient) beta reader, and I’m incredibly grateful to them for all their advice, typo-catching, and encouragement!

***

Kravitz couldn’t even begin to fathom what kind of sinister agenda would possibly bring a lich to a train station, but he’d intercepted Barry J. Bluejeans in stranger places than Rockport. If he was after any other bounty, he’d be worried about the nearby masses of civilians on holiday getting caught in the crossfire, or worse, being used as hostages — but with Barry, he never knew what to worry about.

Barry, for his part, didn’t seem fazed by the prospect of facing down the Grim Reaper in a transportation hub staffed entirely by identical clones of Tom Bodett, and he addressed Kravitz calmly and amiably:

“Ah, there you are. Hope you didn’t have a ticket for the Rockport Limited, ‘cause it left a couple minutes ago.”

“I have a magical sapphire scythe that lets me teleport anywhere on the Material or Astral Planes,” Kravitz replied. “Why would I need train tickets?”

Barry chuckled — nervously? Awkwardly? Without a visible face beneath his hood, he was difficult to read. “I dunno, leisure? In case I got on a train and you wanted to follow me, but legally?”

Kravitz narrowed his eyes. Barry was normally talkative for a lich, but today, he seemed especially affable… not to mention unsurprised by Kravitz’s appearance. “Were you expecting me to follow you here?”

“You’ve followed me stranger places,” Barry reminded him. “Graveyards for dragons, necromancy conventions, the actual moon that isn’t just a secret society’s headquarters… point is, I kinda figured the ticket counter at a train station wouldn’t stop you.”

Kravitz adjusted his grip on his scythe, channelling a spark of the Raven Queen’s power to scan the area for magical traps. There were none.

“I don’t have any tricks this time,” Barry promised him, his hooded void of a face still frustratingly impossible to read. “No sabotage, no moon ogres. I just want to talk.”

A pigeon landed on the ground between them, pecking at a dropped sandwich without any acknowledgement of the two undead entities that could each obliterate it in a second.

“Let’s say I humor you, in the interest of not catching an innocent bird in the crossfire,” Kravitz replied. “What would you want to talk about?”

“I’m realizing this isn’t gonna sound that sincere, but… an apology. And a warning.”

“What world do you come from, where it’s appropriate to follow an apology with a threat? Are you going to, I don’t know, imprison my soul if I don’t forgive you?”

“The world I come from has nothing to do with it.” The lights beneath Barry’s hood flickered erratically, but he kept his composure. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for wasting so much of your time. You could be out there stopping evil necromancers, but I’ve been leading you on a wild goose chase for a decade, and I’m genuinely sorry about that. I’m sorry that I can’t do the things I need to do or save the things I need to save without being undead, and making what I can only assume is a gigantic bureaucratic mess for the Astral Plane.”

Kravitz sighed. “Are you hinting that I should just give up forever on chasing you, because you’re not evil? Do you really expect me to believe that, coming from a lich?”

“Well, I wasn’t counting on it, but that would be nice,” Barry admitted. “The thing is, whether you believe me isn’t going to matter a whole lot in… let’s see, at the rate we’re going, I doubt it’ll take much more than a year. You’re gonna have a bigger problem on your hands — and if you want even a slim chance of surviving it, you and your goddess and every plane in this system will need to be prepared.”

Kravitz eyed a clock on the station wall. “Keep making threats like that, and you’ll have thirty seconds to explain yourself before I end this conversation.”

Barry held up his hands. “Wait, wait, let me clarify — that wasn’t me threatening you! That’s me knowing what’s coming, and not wanting to see it obliterate this entire universe! I — I see, now, how that could get misinterpreted — but I promise, I’m not making this up just to mess with you! You have the ability to warn the Astral Plane, to warn the Raven Queen and by extension all the gods in the Celestial Plane, so that they can prepare for this and stand a fighting chance —”

“Excuse me, gentlemen? Is there anything I can help you with?”

A Tom Bodett approached them, completely unfazed by the lich and the reaper staring each other down of the Rockport Limited boarding platform, and Kravitz couldn’t help but wonder how frequently the humble employees of the train station had to deal with the undead making a scene.

“Stay back, mortal!” he shouted, twirling his scythe and jumping between the Barry and the poor, almost certainly underpaid Tom. “This is an arrest of one of the most dangerous death criminals in Faerun —”

But Barry had already vanished into thin air, leaving behind only the faintest wisp of red smoke, and Kravitz held back a curse.

This always happened one way or another, every damn time Kravitz had encountered Barry in the past decade. Barry had been right about one thing — he’d wasted an astronomical amount of Kravitz’s time over the years.

“Well, I guess that takes care of that,” Tom declared brightly, as if he caused distractions that allowed ultrapowerful death criminals to escape justice every day. “He was making quite a scene — any idea what his deal was?”

Kravitz shook his head. “Just a lich playing mind games. As liches are wont to do, you know.”

At least, I hope that’s all Barry is, he thought with a shiver. But if he wants to give me a reason to believe him, then… well, he can do it from a cell in the Eternal Stockade.

***

“Hey, Reaper Man! I’ve got an idea for you!” Taako called out. Something about the gleam in his eye piqued Kravitz’s curiosity, even though hearing out ideas from death criminals was an objectively unwise idea.

“Do tell, then,” Kravitz replied, and the mischievous smile on Taako’s face expanded into a toothy grin.

“You hunt down a lot of different bounties, right? And Lucas and Maureen and Noelle, they can’t possibly be the worst criminals on your naughty list, can they?”

“Naughty list? What is he, Santa?” Magnus snickered. “I guess it is technically still Candlenights…”

“Today has been a Day with a capital D,” Kravitz warned Taako, “and I’m not in the mood to hear an argument about why I should let them go because morality is relative —”

“Cool your collarbones, Skeletor, I may have come here to get the Philosopher’s Stone, but I’m no philosopher. I was just thinking: what if we tracked down one of your bigger bounties for you? You let some harmless death criminals go, we bring you a really evil one in return, you collect a big old bounty and also get to see my charming face again! Doesn’t that deal sound like a winner?”

“In practice, it just sounds like a good way to get double-crossed — but in theory, it would be quite a bargain, I’ll grant you that.” Kravitz mentally ran through his list of bounties, almost immediately focusing on one particular lich that had vexed him for years. “And I have to admit, I’d love nothing more than seeing you three take a crack at bringing in Barry J. Bluejeans —”

The second Barry’s name was uttered, Taako let out a wheezy laugh like a congested elephant, and Magnus and Merle weren’t far behind, guffawing so heartily that they fogged up the insides of their null suit helmets.

“I laughed at that name once just like you, but when you’ve been hunting him for years to no avail, it won’t seem so funny anymore!” Kravitz warned them. “He’s easily in the top five most dangerous liches in Faerun, not to mention the number one most elusive!”

“Barry’s a LICH?!” Magnus chortled, as Merle doubled over clutching his stomach and Taako rolled around on the floor in hysterics.

“All that time in Phandalin, we were at the mercy of an evil undead overlord and we didn’t even know it!” Taako cackled, evidently not too troubled by the revelation. “Fuck, we’re lucky to even be alive!”

That caught Kravitz off guard. “Wait, you’ve met Barry Bluejeans?”

“And lived to tell the tale!” Merle boasted. “We could totally do it again, by the way!”

“Hang on, Merle,” Noelle interrupted. “Was this what you meant earlier? When you said you were friends with a couple of liches?”

Merle blinked. “When did I say that?”

“Never mind.” Noelle sighed, then turned to Kravitz. “There’s gotta be some mistake. Some kinda identity confusion. The Bluejeans I met in Phandalin, he — he was a good man. He tried to keep us hidden while he fought off that awful dwarf, that dwarf that was setting everything on fire as far as the eye could see. Mister Bluejeans was so reassuring, and so brave — if anything, I’d call him a hero, not some horrible undead monster.”

“That doesn’t really sound like our Barry,” Merle said. “He was kind of an ass. Told me to stab myself with a rusty fork.”

As his bounties squabbled among themselves over the true nature of Barry Bluejeans, Kravitz took the opportunity to pray to the Raven Queen.

Your Majesty, if these criminals think they can really track down such a dangerous lich… would taking their offer be the right choice? Or am I about to be scammed?

The reply was immediate, as if the Raven Queen had already been observing the Miller Lab intently and contemplating the situation for herself. I cannot make this decision for you, Kravitz. But I trust your judgement.

Thank you, milady. Kravitz collected himself, and announced his terms.

“I’ll tell you what. One lich isn’t quite enough to sell me on this deal… but two liches would be, especially if the latter of the two hasn’t been detected in over a decade. If you bring me the both of them in the next two months, everyone involved in this whole Miller debacle goes free — but if you fail, I come to collect all your souls. You still up for this deal?”

Magnus looked like he wants to ask for clarification, but before he could get a word out, Taako casually declared:

“Sure, dude, we’re up for it. Who’s the second lich, other than Barry?”

“Her name is Lup, and she was last sensed in the general vicinity of Wave Echo Cave ten years ago,” Kravitz replied with a smile. “That’s all I know about her, so that’s all the information you get, too. Good luck!”

***

“You’ve got two months to capture a couple of liches? And if you don’t, the Grim Reaper will take your souls?!”

“Shh, not so loud!” Magnus hissed, pressing a finger to Angus’s mouth. “Do you want everyone on the moon to hear?”

Angus glanced around the cafeteria. Exempting him and the three Reclaimers, it was completely empty aside from a few discarded, tattered Candlenights decorations. “Have you at least told the Director about this?”

Magnus smiled sheepishly. “Uh, it never seemed like the right time to bring it up.”

“Carey knew because she was there, but she didn’t seem too keen on being the one to break the news,” Taako elaborated. “Can’t say I blame her.”

Angus sighed. “And your new robot friend, Noelle. Is her soul a part of this bargain, too?”

Magnus nodded. “Yeah. We promised her we’d take care of it, so she’s hanging with the Regulators now —”

“And I bet Lucas Miller isn’t even dead after all, is he?”

“Perceptive as ever, Agnes,” Taako confirmed. “Maureen really did die, though. She went back to the Astral Plane.”

Angus took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, a gesture that made him look far older than ten. “No offense, sirs, but why didn’t just gamble with the Grim Reaper for your souls like normal people? You might’ve actually had a chance at succeeding, that way!”

“Huh,” muttered Magnus. “Good question…”

“Yeah, Taako, why didn’t we just gamble for our souls like normal people?” Merle echoed.

Taako shrugged. “I dunno. I guess I just thought that Kravitz guy sounded pretty okay, like he’d give us a reasonable bargain…”

“Reasonable? He made Magnus chop my damn arm off!”

“Arguing isn't going to get us anywhere, sirs,” Angus spoke up. He hoped he was putting on a calm facade, even though his feet were trembling in his shoes. “Did Kravitz tell you anything about these liches? Names? Locations of recent sightings?”

“Already jotted down all the details for you, my little man,” Taako answered, handing Angus a single sheet of paper. “Didn’t want to forget anything that would help you work your boy detective magic.”

“As if you could ever forget Barry Bluejeans!” Magnus scoffed.

“A lich named Barry Bluejeans? That can’t be right…” Angus took a look at the sheet, titled “Case File” in loopy cursive letters and broken up into two subsections:

Lich #1

Name: Barry Bluejeans

Last seen: The circular glass mistake formerly known as Phandalin, a couple months ago

Weaknesses: Gerblins (unless that was a cunning play so we’d let our guard down), pants that aren’t made of denim, the temptation to party and drink while other people do his job for him

Other information: Used to be Gundren’s bodyguard, and didn’t do a very good job — but who could blame him? That dwarf was an even bigger asshole than he was.

Lich #2

Name: Lup

Last seen: Wave Echo Cave, 10 years ago

Weaknesses: I don’t know, probably holy water or something

Other information: Zilch

Each section was accompanied by an illustration. Barry’s was a cartoonish drawing of a skeleton with jeans, glasses, and a mullet, while Lup’s was simply a series of question marks. At the bottom of the page, Taako had written: Now have at it, Caleb Cleveland Junior!

“…You really have a lot of faith in me, don’t you, sirs?” Angus asked quietly.

Taako shrugged awkwardly, as Magnus replied:

“Well, we know you’re way better at this than us. And you know that’s not exactly a high bar to clear, but you’re obviously our best shot.”

Angus took a deep breath. “Do you remember the reaper’s exact terms? Were there any loopholes we could exploit?”

“Were there?” Magnus mused, tugging at one of his sideburns. “Does anyone remember what he said?”

“Why are you looking at me?” Merle asked, prompting a laugh from Taako.

“Well, in that case…” Angus took a deep breath. “I guess I’ll interview Carey and Noelle to make sure we’re not missing anything, but we shouldn’t count on being able to cheat the deal. Do you think we could book a transport sphere down to Wave Echo Cave tomorrow morning, to go search for leads?”

“Should be no problem,” Taako told him. “Back to our old stomping grounds! I can hardly wait!”

“Reliving our old mistakes! Hooray!” Merle cheered sarcastically, and with that, the Reclaimers all sauntered back to their dorms with easygoing attitudes that Angus could hardly believe.

How are you all so cavalier about dying? he thought. How can you bear to joke about this situation?

And what will I do, if I can’t help you find these liches?

***

Notes:

I really appreciate people commenting on/reblogging this fic, especially for this first chapter! There's absolutely no obligation to do so, of course, but it would mean a lot <3

For what might be the first time in my life, I already have a surplus of chapters written, so the update schedule should remain consistent for at least a month or two (fingers crossed). Since this chapter was on the shorter side and included a scene I posted months ago, I think I’ll post Chapter 2 in a week, then switch to updating every other week from Chapter 3 onwards. (Probably still on Tuesday evenings, plus or minus 24 hours.)

Also, I’d just like to give a shoutout to Angus McDonald for always, always ending up with a bigger role in my fics than I expect when I start writing! But I’m glad he managed to sneak his way into this one, because there’s a bunch more Angus scenes coming up that I can’t imagine this fic without!

[justkurotingz]

package deal (macriley)

omg i absolutely did not expect that ending for the finale. i cannot wait for the next season and for macdesi to break up already *sneezing face* HUGE SPOILER ALERT FOR 4x13 (legit the storyline but it’s somewhat changed)

taglist from the gc: @zahra-0110​ @canary-warrior​ @tilltheworldendsx3​ @moodypetrichorlove​ @multi-fandomshipper101​ <33

idk what’s up with the weird formatting haha

word count: 2.5K words

“so, mac, riley, how are you two liking your new home?” “oh jeez.” riley let out a shaky breath after recognizing the mysterious voice. “it’s gwen.” she said before mac could ask and opened the door, revealing gwen standing in front of them with a smile.

“it’s great, really.” mac’s answer was genuine and gwen smirked. “everything going good in paradise?” “gwen, you know we’re not together.” a blush rose on riley and mac’s cheeks and she simply smirked. “for now.” 

“anyways.” she cleared her throat and then glanced at mac. “i need you for a while angus.” “what about riles?” gwen paused, glancing back at riley. “this is something you need to do alone.”

“i told you we’re a package deal. i’m not leaving her.” mac stepped forward, almost as if he was protecting riley and she rolled her eyes, although hesitant as well. “mac it’ll just be for a little while.” “listen to your girlfriend angus. come on, don’t you trust me?” gwen noted that both of them let the girlfriend thing go.

“fine. just... stay safe ok?” he looked into riley’s eyes and she nodded. “i’ll be fine. go do what you have to do. i’ll see you later.” “yeah.” mac gave her a small smile and then stepped out the door to follow gwen outside unsure of what he was following her into.

riley let out a breath, closing the door behind her and sinking down beside it, hands in her hair. she didn’t trust anyone here, not yet. but gwen wouldn’t harm mac, right? she thought, getting up to lock the door and change. 

but as the hours dwindled by, she collapsed on the couch, pulling a pillow close to her and holding it tight. what were they doing to mac? was he ever going to come back? and then the emotions she pushed deep down surfaced.

what had she done? betrayed all her friends to go undercover to take down  maniacs that want to kill off a quarter of the earth’s population with her best friend who she had secret feelings for even though he had a girlfriend, and now he was gone with the leader of the maniacs to do god knows what. 

“he’s going to come back. he’s going to come back.” riley chanted, brushing the few tears from her face. but she could only hope that mac was safe.

“i’ll take it from here.” roman growled as soon as mac and gwen made their way down the steps. “no, you won’t.” gwen stared him down. “leland wants you to get your team ready.” they had a silent staring contest and gwen surrendered. 

“so... i will meet you soon. tomorrow’s the big day.” she brushed off his jacket and mac frowned at her. “it’s a surprise.” she smiled. “you’ll be fine.” with that roman led mac off, leaving gwen to watch their disappearing figures.

roman led him to a greenhouse of sorts. and it was then mac learned the true history of codex. “codex dates back to the 14th century?” he stammered and leland smiled softly, still snipping at his plants. “i know, hard to believe.”

time flew by with leland, and mac didn’t even realize how much time he had spent watching the old man cut plants and listening to him speak about codex. but he gave no hints to the plan for tomorrow.

“the painting...” it was a volcano, blocking out the sun. gears turned in mac’s mind, but he couldn’t think of anything codex had access to that related to volcanoes. was that their plan for tomorrow? to have another pompeii?

riley followed the man up to a tech room, observing everything. people were talking to themselves, obviously about whatever was happening tomorrow. “so what’s the plan?” she asked the man next to her, and he shook his head. “all in good time.” but she heard nuclear more than once in there whispers. 

this was taking too long, riley decided. she needed air, and where the hell was mac? “i’ll just be a minute.” she informed the man and walked outside, hands on her knees as she breathed deeply. she needed to find mac, now. he’d know exactly what was happening and what to do. retracing her steps she found her apartment, and then, stairs on the side that led underground. 

there was a man, walking along the side of a greenhouse. “who- who are you? where’s mac?” she asked. “he’ll be fine, you’ll see.” shaken, riley continued on her way, and found another staircase leading up- to the main tech room?

gwen was talking to mac and they had just split up when riley spotted them. “mac!” she cried, rushing over to his outstretched arms and wrapping her arms tightly around him. “you- you were gone for so long i got worried something happened.” she said in a rush and mac hugged her back tightly. “i know, i got  carried away with leland, i’m sorry riles. don’t worry, i missed you too.” he joked and riley sighed, melting into his arms.

making eye contact with gwen on stage, riley blushed and stepped away from mac as gwen raised her eyebrows at the two. the plan was to head to a rendezvous point, with teams going in pairs to attract less attention. “you ready?” mac glanced at riley in the passenger seat and she nodded. “we just have to focus on keeping our covers. hey, mac?”

“yeah?” “i heard the tech assistants talking about nuclear power earlier.” mac sighed heavily, looking at riley. “i know what codex’s plan is. leland was talking about volcanoes earlier. they’re going to use a nuke to activate a volcano.”

“you can do that?” riley sounded horrified and mac nodded. “unfortunately- whoa!” the van skidded over the road and mac groaned. “we got a flat.” riley hopped out the passenger side, grabbing the spare tire from the back.

“can you hand me that?” “yeah.” riley handed him the tire and tried to ignore the flutters inside her stomach when mac’s hands brushed hers. “tire’s done, let’s go.” mac reached down to help riley up and she smiled at him. “we’re going to be late, let’s not attract attention.”

“sounds like a plan.” they headed to the rendezvous point, with mac driving extra fast. but there was something wrong, at the warehouse there was no nuke. “you’re late.” scarlett commented and riley glanced at her. “what’s the plan?” “we don’t have details yet.” 

“i’m gonna go get some air.” mac nodded and riley stepped outside, sighing deeply. she glanced at the soft blue sky, clouds masking a familiar helicopter. a cobra attack helicopter...

“mac!” she yelled, rushing back inside. “what is it?” his crystal blue eyes searched hers, hands at her waist to steady her. “there’s a cobra attack helicopter outside!” “what?” scarlett and mac said in unison and she nodded.

“it’s a trap! everybody take cover!” mac yelled, grabbing sheets of metal, and pulling riley closer to him. “come on!” riley rolled into the little space and mac quickly followed, covering them both with the sheet.

“mac i-” “there’s no time.” somehow, his arms found there way around her body, one hand tangled in her hair. “i love you riles.” he whispered, locking his lips with hers. riley opened her mouth to say something and that’s when the explosion set the warehouse on fire. 

riley screamed, holding onto mac tighter, but they were still alive. “come on, we got to get out of here.” but the metal was too hot, so they dropped their fire shield and ran past the flames, coughing and gasping they second they stumbled through the door.

“mac!” someone screamed, running over to him. desi? mac glanced up, disoriented and spotted desi and bozer. “riles- is riles ok?” he coughed, shrugging away from desi’s arms and she backed away. 

mac looked back to where bozer was supporting riley, helping her walk over to desi and mac. “where did you two come from?” riley gasped. “the flat tire? that was us, i slipped a tracker in the car.” bozer explained. “i was planning to come get you two solo but desi wanted to come along.” she wouldn’t meet mac’s eyes and mac realized that was fine by him.

“codex has a nuke. i think they’re going to activate a volcano.” “whoa.” desi’s eyes were wide and bozer helped riley over to the suv. “we have eyes on codex, a truck just pulled out. big enough to store a nuke.” desi handed the tablet over and mac took it without looking at her.

“we got to follow it.” desi slid into the driver’s seat, mac next to her even though he didn’t look too pleased about it. bozer and riley climbed in the back, leaning forward to talk to mac.

“are you guys alright?” “yeah, gwen just tried to blow us up.” riley groaned and mac frowned. “it wasn’t her. there’s no way she’d just kill her entire team.” “mac, i get it, she’s your only surviving family member and she reminds you of your mom, but she’s still... gwen.” bozer said and desi nodded. “you got to clear your head mac. we know about you two going undercover, i’m not saying what you did with me and russ was right but... i understand.” she said finally.

riley glanced at mac from the backseat. she unconsciously bit her lip, unsure what to make of the kiss. she’d be hurting desi, who was like a sister to her, but she wouldn’t lie to herself, she loved mac too.

after mac’s fight with roman in the truck, he explained codex’s plan to the group. “it’s a reset switch for the earth.” “let’s go stop them.” but “let’s go stop them” translated into mac dying in order to create a chain reaction that stops the nuke.

“you deserve the world. and the world deserves you.” with that gwen let mac go, ready to make the sacrifice herself, but the others didn’t know that. tears streaming down riley’s face as she walked behind desi and bozer to safety, she glanced back at the dam.

the explosion threw her to the ground, but she didn’t even feel the pain. “mac!” she screamed, sitting up and sobbing so hard she couldn’t breathe. that couldn’t be the end, it just couldn’t be the end. “mac!” she screamed again, wrapping her arms around herself as her body shook with a second wave of sobs. 

“come on riley, we got to get back.” desi’s voice wavered as she pulled her friend up, but riley’s legs gave way. she wanted nothing more than to fall at desi’s feet and tell her about the kiss, but she knew she’d only be hurting desi.

mac was gone. mac was gone. and she didn’t even tell him that she loved him back. mac died all alone, even though she promised him he would never be alone. “i promised him.” she whispered, sinking down to her feet and remembering that day in germany after mac’s confession. she promised him he’d never be alone, but when he needed her the most, she failed him.

she sat there, hunched over and sobbing for hours. or maybe it was just a few minutes, riley lost all track of time as she cried. “come on riley.” bozer’s voice broke and after a few seconds of silence, matty's voice came over the comms.

“get out of there.” matty was definitely crying, but russ hadn’t said a word. “come on, we’re going home.” riley, nodded, standing. “give me- can you just give me a second?” boze and desi exchanged glances. “we’ll be in the car.” they started walking away and riley let out a long shuddering sigh.

what was she going to do without mac? riley couldn’t see herself without mac besides her. her thoughts were interrupted by gasps and coughs, which sounded awfully like mac when they escaped the warehouse earlier.

riley straightened up, blinking quickly to convince herself she was imagining, but a voice called out from the wreckage. “riles?” desi and bozer turned immediately and riley ran like hell towards the figure emerging from the ruins. “mac!” she jumped into his arms and he held her close, inhaling her scent. 

“i’m so sorry riles. i’m so sorry.” he whispered and riley broke down, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck as she sobbed into his chest. “i thought you left me.” he tightened her hold around her, kissing her shoulder. “i promised you’d never be alone. i’m here riles, i’m ok.”

she stepped back, still shaking, and wiped her eyes as boze and desi caught up to them. riley turned away as desi hugged mac tightly, fawning over him. she felt mac’s eyes on her but forced herself not to look up, because she knew what would happen.

“oh thank god.” matty’s voice made desi break away and boze hugged mac. “man, we all thought you-” his voice broke and mac grinned. “i don’t die that easily. let’s go home.” desi wrapped her arm around his waist, guiding him back to the car, and riley followed after them, taking a deep breath to steady herself, unsure what the future held.

but she certainly didn’t expect mac at her door at 2 in the morning. “mac?” she peered through the door, and opened it slightly. “what are you doing here? where’s desi? what happened?” she asked and mac smiled tiredly at her.

“i got chinese.” she let him in and closed the door behind him as he set the takeout on the table, opening the food and handing her her favorite takeout. “i broke up with desi.” he admitted and riley immediately set the food down, going around her counter to hold him tightly.

“i just told her i fell out of love but she knew. she handled it pretty well, warned me not to hurt you.” riley chuckled softly, her hands in mac’s hair. he broke away, eating quickly. “i’m ok riles, i just... wanted to be with you. it’s too soon to start a new relationship but-” riley leaned over and pressed her lips against mac’s. “she’s my friend too, we can wait.” she whispered and mac smiled.

“i meant it riles. i love you.” “i love you too mac. we’ll figure it out as we go.” he threw the boxes in the trash and led riley to the couch, sitting down and pulling her next to him. 

after a second she relaxed into him, head on his lap and mac gently played with her hair as she spoke. “let’s go to bed mac.” she scooched up his body and mac wrapped his arms around her, pulling a blanket over the two of them.

for the first time in mac’s life, he slept soundly throughout the entire night, dreaming of his best friend.

[anony-mony-moose]

Let’s Stay Together - Izzy Stradlin x Reader (Part 1)

After a particularly crappy few weeks, Y/N manages to lose both her job and her apartment. She's generally known as a bit of a mess, but still struggles to accept help - even when it's being offered by the lovely Izzy. OR a couple of unfortunate events result in Izzy's pal (with occasional benefits) becoming Izzy's gal

look out for swearing and drug use

also on ao3 :)

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I rapped on the metal door quickly and stretched out a yawn. I was exhausted. Last night’s party had carried on into this morning, and then this afternoon, (which seemed to be happening a lot lately) and I’d gone straight from there to work so I was yet to get some sleep. I propped myself up against the wall and waited for somebody to answer, fighting to keep my eyes open.

The door swung open and I jumped up, blinking, to see Angus sticking his head out enthusiastically.

“Hey Y/N! Long time no see! I’ll go grab him for you.”

The door clanged shut just as quickly as it had opened, and I rubbed my forehead, yawning lazily again. There was a muffled yell inside, before the door opened and Izzy sauntered out.

He grinned when he saw me. His hands were busy digging around in the pocket of his apron.

“Hey man, how’s it goin’?” His hand finally emerged with a joint and he popped it between his lips. “Thought you had work today?” He mumbled.

I made a face and tossed him a pack of matches. “Just got canned.”

He raised his eyebrows. “No fuckin’ way.” He sparked up and blew out a long stream of smoke, the sunlight making him squint as he passed them back to me. “Man, that sucks. What happened?”

I stretched tiredly and accepted the joint, taking a drag and holding it for a second. My head was aching something awful.

I exhaled slowly. “Apparently, I was lucky enough to find the only club in fuckin’ LA that actually minds it’s employees getting high in the back room.”

He burst out laughing, “Right, real bad luck. Totally outta your control.”

I grinned and sidled over to lean against the wall next to him, taking another quick drag before passing it back. There was always something strangely comforting about talking to Izzy – even when he was teasing me.

“Well come on, it’s not like I was doin’ it on the fuckin’ bar.”

“Yeah, that’s true. You already tried that at Angelica’s, didn’t work out too good for you did it?” He glanced at me with a sly smirk on his stupid face.

I rolled my eyes and pressed my lips together, trying and failing to look annoyed.

“You are such a prick, Izzy.”

“Oh yeah?” He chuckled, blowing smoke out again.

“I come here for a bit of reassurance, maybe a little pat on the arm, it’s all gonna be alright Y/N, don’t worry Y/N!” I grumbled jokingly, a smile still plastered to my face, “What do I get as soon as I arrive? Oh, here Y/N, here is a list of all the other jobs you’ve lost! What, sympathy? Never heard of it.”

He laughed and pulled me towards him with an arm around my shoulders. “Aw honey, you want me give you some sympathy?”

I grinned and shoved him away. “I’m upset, okay!”

“Yeah, you look pretty distressed.”

“Yeah, ‘cause I am!”

He snickered for a second, before stepping closer again and frowning slightly.

“You kinda look like shit, actually.”

I hummed and let my head fall back against the wall with a thud, closing my eyes gently. “Coming down from last night.”

I heard him step towards me again so, dozily, I opened my eyes. “My break’s over. I gotta go back to work, you know, to my job.” He murmured. I rolled my eyes and punched his shoulder. He just smirked at me, took one last quick drag of the joint and held it up to me. “You can finish that, if you’re not too upset.” I narrowed my eyes at him playfully and took it.

“Thanks, dickhead.” I grumbled.

He laughed and turned back towards the door, before stopping. “Hey, what did you come by for anyway?”

I frowned for a second before my brain kicked back into action. “Oh right, yeah. D’you mind if I sleep at yours for a couple hours?”

He raised his eyebrows. “Now?”

“Uh, yeah if that’s alright.”

He frowned slightly but was already rooting around in his jean pockets. “Sure, that’s fine.” He fished out a set of keys and threw them to me.

Catching them, I pushed myself away from the wall and tried to think of a fast excuse. “Can’t be bothered walking all the way back to mine.”

“Seriously, it’s fine.” He yanked the door open then turned back to me again, smirking. “I’ll see ya when I get home, honey.”

I grinned sleepily and waved. “Have a good time at work, sweetheart!” He winked at me, then disappeared inside as the door fell shut.

*****

Someone was trying to break down the door. At least, that was what it sounded like. I groaned and rolled over to plant my face in the pillow. Instead, I was met with something scratchy and- I scrunched my face up and blinked my eyes open. Carpet. The thumping outside was still going on, and someone was shouting now.

Where the fuck was I?

“Y/N, open the damn door!”

Shit, I thought sleepily, that’ll be the landlord. How late was I on rent this time? Too late to go back to sleep and deal with it later?

I sat bolt upright. Shit. No rent. Angry landlord. No apartment. My eyes focused and I realised that this couldn’t be my place.

“Y/N, for fuck’s sake!” The banging started again.

I rubbed my forehead and clambered to my feet. I was at Izzy’s – and now I was awake, that clearly sounded like Izzy’s voice shouting outside. I shuffled over to the door. He probably didn’t have a spare key, poor bloke. I hoped he hadn’t been waiting for too long.

I slipped the chain from the door and yanked it open, moving to the side so he could come in.

“Took you long enough. Thought you fuckin’ died or somethin’.” He slinked in past me and smiled, shrugging off his jacket. “Have a good nap?”

I hummed. “Haven’t slept like that in ages. Out like a fuckin’ light, soon as I got here.” He dumped the jacket on the counter and pulled a bottle of whiskey from the paper bag in his hand. “How was work, darling?”

He snorted and took a swig. “It was great. When’s dinner?”

“Think you might be drinkin’ it.”

He smirked and offered the bottle to me, striding over to sort through the jumble of clothes in the corner of the room. I had a few gulps as I followed him and sat down on the bed (well, a mattress on the floor), watching him fish something out of the pile. He started pulling off his work shirt as he talked.

“You’re comin’ out tonight, right?”

I nodded and leaned back on my elbows, rubbing my back a little. I hated sleeping on the floor. I hadn’t had to do that sober in a long time. I had another drink. “What’s happening?”

He slipped on a white button up, half unbuttoned of course, and reached out for the bottle. “Well, I was meant to be meetin’ the guys right about now. Couldn’t get into my apartment though.”

I smirked. “Shit, that’s unfortunate.”

“Yeah, some asshole locked me out.” He raised his eyebrows in a challenge as he wandered past me to pick up his jacket again, but stopped and did a bit of a double-take when he passed my own jacket balled up on the floor. “Did you sleep on my floor?”

I cocked my head to the side. “Uh… Is that a problem?”

He bent down to pick it up and handed it to me with an amused, slightly puzzled look on his face. “Well, there is a bed right there Y/N.”

“Right. Thought it might be a bit weird for you to come home and find me, you know… Asleep in your bed.” Obviously I’d woken up in his bed before, but that was only ever the morning after. Plus, he was there too. It felt a little different doing that sober, and without him even present in the apartment.

He just laughed, and went to get his coat on. “You can sleep in my bed Y/N.”

I smirked and dove a hand into my pocket for his keys. “Well thanks Iz,” I said, swinging them from my finger. “I’ll remember that for next time, shall I?”

*****

“Honestly, I’m fine about the whole thing.” I yelled, turning towards Duff’s ear so he could hear me over whatever crap the club was playing. “I deserved it.”

He pulled an exaggerated frown and grabbed my arm earnestly, making sure I was paying attention as he yelled back. “Yeah, well they didn’t deserve you.”

I laughed through another gulp of beer and slid back against the seat to avoid falling off it, his hand dropping away. “Too fuckin’ right! I’m an independent woman who don’t need no job.”

He started cackling and slumped back too, mostly onto me. We’d ended up squished shoulder to shoulder in middle of a packed little booth, everybody pushed closer together as more and more people joined our group for the night. I was sat pressed up between him and Slash, with the latter’s right arm wedged behind my lower back, and somebody else’s boot-clad feet resting like lead weights on my thighs – I suspected they were Axl’s, the cheeky fucker.

I hadn’t really meant to tell the others about getting fired. There seemed no point; jobs came and went with me (okay, mainly went) fast enough that by the time everybody knew I had one, I’d usually already have lost it. By this time next week, I’d be losing another one.

Duff had eked it out of me though, plying me with plenty of booze and no shortage of teasing. It was pretty much impossible to keep things from Duff. Persuasive bassists aside, however, one thing I was determined to keep to myself was the apartment thing. Actually, even thinking about it was probably dangerous, I realised. I really was quite drunk. At this point in any night, there was often a large risk of cats-getting-out-of-bags if I didn’t keep my wits about me. Probably best to stay away from Duff altogether, now I thought about it.

I downed the last dregs of my drink and heaved myself upright, shoving Axl’s feet off my lap. “Another round?” I shouted to Duff, waggling my empty glass in front of him.

He frowned again, this time genuinely. “I’ll get ‘em.” Then, seeing I was serious, “You just lost your fuckin’ job, you can’t buy my fuckin’ drinks right now!”

He started shifting to get up and I laughed, trying to shove him back down. He grinned up at me and slurred, “Come on, don’t be a bitch! You’re not buying my fuckin’ drink.”

“You’ve been gettin’ my drinks all night!”

He rolled his eyes in exasperation. “Yes, and I have a fucking job Y/L/N!”

I laughed, “Good for you McKagan! You want beer or vodka?”

He collapsed back against the seat, casting his eyes heavenward. “I don’t know how I put up with you.” He glanced back up at me a little cheekily. “Beer, please.”

I giggled and nodded, then started climbing out of the booth, picking up drink orders as I went. I made it halfway to the bar when I heard someone calling me.

I pivoted round and beamed as I saw Izzy sidling up through the throng of Wednesday night drunks, raising his hand in a lazy wave. There was a bright red light shining from somewhere to the left, casting a warm glow over his face, chiselling out shadows across his cheekbones and nose. I had a tendency to forget how gorgeous he was when I was sober. But seeing him now… I watched him make his way over, shoulders swinging with one hand buried in his pockets, his other playing with a unlit cigarette.

“I’m just gettin’ more drinks.” I announced as he reached me and slotted the cig behind his ear. His forehead scrunched up as he listened – and had he always done that? It looked ridiculously sweet as he did it then.

“What?” He stepped closer and slung an arm round my waist, angling his head closer to mine.

“Drinks!” I shouted, feeling stupidly delighted at his hand splayed over my stomach. His chest was warm against my arm and when he nodded, I could feel the brush of his hair on my temple. He started leading me forward to the bar, weaving between the other patrons.

The nearer we got the louder it became, with everybody crammed in trying to place their orders, and Izzy had to slip behind me so I could worm my way through the crowd. Now he was pressed against my back, his arms locked in a tight circle around my waist. So we’re doing this tonight, I thought.

“You okay?”

I jumped a little bit as he spoke, his mouth on my ear, hot breath fanning over my cheek and I felt more than heard him chuckling.

“Forget I was here?”

I leaned back into him slightly, and smiled at the way he stooped down to give me his ear when I turned to reply. “Like that’s possible with these latched onto me.” I tapped his forearm, still flush against my front. “I’m not gonna run away, you know.”

He squeezed my sides and bent down again. “What are we ordering?”

I smirked and pitched forwards to get the bartenders attention, rattling off about ten different drinks as she wrote them down. I twisted round to raise my eyebrows at Izzy, who quickly bent forward to give his order, squishing me up against the bar. His hands slid back to twist me round until I was facing him, and he shifted his forearms to rest against the counter behind me.

I frowned and leaned up to speak to him.

“I didn’t pay?”

“I have a tab.”

I rolled my eyes. “Thought I was gettin’ this round.”

“Yeah, well you don’t have any money.” He smirked, and tacked on, “Or a job.”

My arms folded over my chest, pushing up against his too as he stood so close. “Why does everybody keep fuckin’ sayin’ that.”

“Is it not true?”

I scowled at him, although my head involuntarily bobbing along to the music playing might have dampened the effect. He didn’t appear to be very affected anyway. If anything, he looked like he was trying not to laugh, ducking his head down and pursing his lips.

“So, how come you had to crash at mine today? You lose your job and your apartment?”

Oh great, just what I didn’t want to talk about.

I laughed it off and tried to remember which lie I given him before. (My go-to tactic, nearly 100% successful when sober; unfortunately, less so when drunk.) “I was way too fucked up to make it all the way back to mine this afternoon. Probably woulda got myself lost or somethin’.” I smiled sincerely.

“You looked half fuckin’ dead.”

I grinned and thanked whichever sun was shining down on me in relief. “Fuckin’ felt it.”

His eyes darted up over my shoulder and he nodded at someone. “Drinks are ready, you wanna stay here for a minute?”

“Sure.”

I slipped my hand under his jacket to loop around his back as he stepped closer, reaching around me to grab our drinks. I glanced up, having to crane my neck to meet his eyes, and we swapped smiles as he passed me mine.

“You gonna be able to make rent?” He said, close enough that he didn’t have to shout anymore.

I sighed. Why was he hanging onto this?

“It’s fine Iz, really. Don’t worry about shit like that.”

He rolled his eyes and sipped his drink. “Great, not worried at all. Thanks.”

“This is why I don’t tell you shit.” I muttered, knocking back my beer.

“What, in case I try and help you?” He snarked, leaning forward a touch and setting his glass down. “I always fuckin’ find out anyway.”

I laughed sourly. “Sure you do.”

His brow furrowed, crinkling up his forehead. “What?”

“I got kicked out like, two fuckin’ weeks ago Izzy. I haven’t made rent in months. Didn’t find that one out, did you?”

He blinked. I chewed my lip. Fuck. Was not supposed to let that slip.

What was I saying about cats and bags?

I looked away, but it was difficult when we were pressed so close together. The jostling crowd of people had grown and now there wasn’t room for Izzy to move away, whether he wanted to or not. My hand slipped away from his back and I wrapped my arms around myself, swigging my drink. This was not a conversation I had hoped to have tonight.

It wasn’t like I’d been struggling for places to stay, sleeping rough or something – I had enough friends across the city that were happy to put me up for a few nights. And anyway, most of the time I just crashed at whichever party I finished up at. It wasn’t exactly a dire situation. The way I saw it, there was no point in bothering the guys about something so minor.

I had a hunch that that excuse wouldn’t hold up with Izzy though. He released a long-suffering sigh.

“For fucks sake, Y/N.” I sucked my teeth and kept my gaze locked on some couple just past his shoulder. “Why’d you never let me help you out?”

I snorted. “Like you’ve got money to spare on my rent, Iz.”

“I got plenty of money, Y/N/N.” I eyed him sceptically. He huffed and shifted his weight to his other foot, his hip jutting snugly into mine. “So where you been stayin’ for two fuckin’ weeks then?”

“These past few days… You’re not gonna like it.”

“Oh, that’s fine. I’m just lovin’ the rest of this so far.”

I peeked up at him. “You know Nicky Hanson?”

He glared.

“Well…”

“That guy? Really?” He sighed in frustration and dropped his head forward onto my shoulder. “That fuckin’ asshole?”

My arms found their way back round his middle, sliding over the smooth fabric of his shirt, and I pouted. “His apartment’s got hot water. I really value that in a guy.”

I felt him laugh grudgingly, and found myself laughing too.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, it’s just-“ I paused to chuckle. “I mean he has got hot running water. I didn’t see the point in worryin’ you. I was only thinkin’ about your feelin’s Iz.”

He lifted his head, smiling sarcastically. “Well thanks for bein’ so thoughtful, Y/N/N.”

I beamed back at him. “No problem, man. Any time.”

“Just so we’re clear though, you’re stayin’ with me tonight.”

I laughed as his arms folded back around me, drawing me into his chest.

“Can’t take my eye off you for one fuckin’ second, can I?” I bit down a smile as he kissed my forehead.

“We should probably get those drinks back to the table.” I mumbled, not actually bothered if he heard me or not. I burrowed my face into his collarbone, placing an unhurried kiss at the base of his neck.

Yes, I was quite happy to stay right there for the moment.

*****

The mattress dipped somewhere to my right and covers brushed lightly over my back. I opened my eyes reluctantly, screwing my face up against the bright light that streamed in through a crack in the blinds. Izzy’s bare feet treaded carefully past me.

I rolled over, dragging the sheet with me, and watched him hastily shimmy a pair of leather pants up his hips, tiptoeing round as he fastened them. He must have felt my eyes on him because he immediately glanced up.

“What’s goin’ on?” I rasped, fumbling on the floor beside the bed for a cigarette.

“Goin’ to work. You go back to sleep.” He murmured. The room was quiet except for his light footsteps as he hurried to get dressed. I found a cigarette and lit it quickly, squinting at him.

“You’re late?”

He nodded quickly and pulled his work shirt over his head. “Didn’t wanna get outta bed.”

That made me smile. Bundled up cosily under the warm covers right now, I knew just what he meant. I smirked as I followed his hectic movement around the space, finally finding his keys and jacket. “You should probably get a move on.” I teased.

He darted back to the bed to grab a pack of cigarettes, then did one better and snatched mine right from my lips.

“Thanks.” He grinned and dashed away to the door, before I had time to roll my eyes. He jammed his feet into his boots and, turning the key in the lock, whipped the door open. At the last minute, he changed his mind and snapped round to point a finger at me.

“Be here when I get back.”

I smiled widely. “Will do.”

He paused for a second before adding, “And don’t fuckin’ fall asleep.”

I laughed as he bolted through the door, chucking the keys inside for me and slamming it behind him. The walls here were thin enough that I still could hear him as he sped down the corridor, the main door crashing as it fell shut.

I drew a deep breath and sighed contentedly. What to do today?

It was a good feeling – all those hours stretching out in front of me with no work to fill them. That being said, I probably should get on with finding a job straight away, as unappealing as that sounded. Even when I found one, I’d be waiting for at last a week for my first wage before I could put down a deposit on a new flat, and Izzy wouldn’t want me hanging around here for too long. Best to get cracking sooner rather than later.

A knock on the door startled me from my vague planning. I pushed myself to my feet and tugged one of Izzy’s longer shirts from the floor, scanning until I spotted a pair of knickers. I slipped those on too and, rubbing my eyes, traipsed over to the door.

Slash stood swaying slightly on the other side. He smiled when he saw me.

“Hey Y/N/N, how’s it goin’?” He sniffed sleepily and plodded straight in with his guitar in hand, raising an eyebrow at my bare legs. “Oh, I see. Go get it girl!” I snorted and rolled my eyes at him.

He plonked himself down on the bed with a little sigh. “So where is he?”

I dropped down next him and reached for a half-full bottle of wine by his feet. “Literally just left for work, mate.” I had a quick glug before offering it over to him.

“Ah, that sucks.” He muttered, sipping thoughtfully. “Wanted to practise.”

“Well, I’m not great on rhythm guitar, but I do play a mean set of spoons.”

He sniggered and scratched his forehead, having another little sip before giving back the bottle and standing. “You wanna go cop then?”

I grinned up at him and stretched lazily. “You read my fuckin’ mind. Let me find my jeans.”

*****

I breathed deeply and took another long drag of my cigarette, settling my hand back on my stomach. I’d taken off my jeans and retreated back to the bed as soon as we returned, and now found myself drifting blissfully in and out of sleep. Slash was snoring lightly beside me with his legs spread out, dangling over the edge of the mattress.

The afternoon had passed in a slow rush and now the view through the window was dark, fuzzy shadows enveloping the room. I’d been meaning to switch the light on for hours. The bed was just too comfortable to move.

There was a knock at the door, and a weird sense of deja-vu washed over me. Slash grunted idly by my side. They knocked again. Impatient, I thought. I rolled over onto the floor and stood, staggering slightly when my balance wobbled. I ambled over and unlocked the door, leaning against it as I eased it open. Izzy appeared, looking over me with amusement.

“Had a good time?”

I smiled warmly and let my head drop against the doorframe. He chuckled.

“Can I come in, please?”

I hummed and moved backwards, dragging the door with me so he could walk past. He glanced over my shoulder and smirked.

“Shoulda guessed, huh?” I looked behind me and realised Slash was still in the bed, sat up now and jerking awake every couple of seconds. “You save any for me?”

“Some left by the bed, I think.” My voice was croaky, having hardly been used for an hour or two. The door was still wide open so I pushed it til it clicked shut and twisted the key in the lock again.

“Uh, I think we had that already Y/N/N.” Slash piped up finally.

Izzy hummed and stepped behind me, placing his hand on my shoulder. “I got news, by the way.”

I sighed and melted backwards into his chest. “What’s that then?”

“There’s a job goin’ at Andrea’s. Dish washing.”

“I could wash dishes.” I mumbled, eyes gently closing as his fingers grazed up and down my arm.

“You know, I was thinkin’ the same thing.” I could hear the smirk in his voice, the silly git.

“Andrea’s, where you work?”

“Yeah.” He said softly. “Figure that way I can at least try to keep you outta trouble.”

Slash laughed and I joined in, opening my eyes to make a face at him across the room.

“Fuck off.” I mumbled, smiling and starting to wake up. “I’ll go in tomorrow.”

“You wanna get ride with me?” I slipped away reluctantly to turn and face him.

“Yeah, please.” A new job, already. That was the first of my two problems sorted. Bless him, he’d probably been thinking along the same lines as me, about getting into a new place of my own quickly. I’d be out of his hair much sooner now that he’d lined up a job for me.

“I’ll try and keep this one.” I joked, smirking slightly.

Slash tittered again behind me. “Well, they haven’t fired Izzy yet. That’s gotta count for somethin’.”

Izzy rolled his eyes playfully and stalked past me. “I said I’d go meet Duff and Axl. You jerk-offs comin’ or are you just gonna stay here sleepin’ in my bed?”

“Hey!” Slash made a noise of indignation, “Somebody had to keep her company!”

[boyneriver-fraser]

More Quick Thoughts... quickly presented...

Moderator Ginger Zee, from Good Morning America — now a huge fan — watches the show with her husband. She’s counting: 137 days of Droughtlander to go.

Introductions… Sam as the King of Men… six years into being introduced as Jamie Fraser and welcomed onto a stage, and the man still looks as shy as he did the first time… Caitriona as the Queen of All Women... and with Balfe mispronounced. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Sigh.

Surprise guests… Sophie and Rik appeared via video to answer fan questions, with help from Adso. Sophie calls their North Carolina home in Scotland “Fraser’s Fridge.” She and Rik appeared just fine together, no awkwardness, and I’ll fight you on that.

They presented a video “first look at Season 5,” which is on the Facebook page dated October 3, so hmm. (If I remember, I’ll post it on Tumblr. If I forget, you do it.)

About the sets… across the board, “the big house is phenomenal.” I can’t wait to see it!

Diana’s thoughts… character from her book she is most excited to see on screen? “Adso.” Her favourite line/words in the show that’s not in her book? “fucking bastard snake” 🐍

On Murtagh 💘… How has Duncan developed Murtagh in Seasons 3, 4, and 5 when he can’t use the books to guide him? He’s “always taken the scripts” as his source. (Oops… 😬) He thinks Season 5 is the best work he’s done on the show.

Sam chimed in with, “We all need a Murtagh in our lives.” Well, duh. 🙄 Ace of Spades by Motorhead would be Murtagh’s theme song, according to Duncan. According to boyneriver-fraser, Murtagh’s theme song is When A Man Loves A Woman. 😎

Penalty whisky… Because she knew she’d never answer a question without spilling a spoiler and getting fired (her word), Mrs. Blooper (Maria) declined to answer and asked for a whisky. (I forget the question.)

Cait & Sam as producers… Caitriona said so far it’s mostly been about learning. Sam said it’s rewarding to be able to give input and to work with everyone.

On how Jamie & Claire’s love story has changed since Season 1… Cait said their love for one another keeps expanding. (Settle down, people). Sam recalled a scene they recently shot where Jamie and Claire “made love without making love.” Rather than expand on that thought, he chose a penalty whisky.

"Here’s to making love without making love.” 🥃

Sam on time travel… If Season 5 Jamie were able to travel through the stones, what would he tell Season 1 Jamie? “Don’t go near her.” But seriously though, folks… “He’d do anything. He’d die for her.”

About bringing a book-dead character back to life… Diana said, “When I kill someone, they stay dead. No offence to Duncan, but you (Murtagh) should have stayed dead.” 🤯 I wish I’d screenshot Maril’s face at that moment. 🙈

Maril said Rupert, Angus, and Dougal. Sam said Geillis. Cait said Faith… and I don’t think anyone on stage or in the audience heard her, because there was no reaction AND THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN HUGE REACTION! 💔

About what 21st-century luxury the 18th-century characters would like to have… Ginger’s husband would want a shower. Cait would like a flushing toilet. Ron, a TV. Sam… wait for it… A PHONE! 😂

Using New York accents to deliver Outlander lines… paraphrased because I’m too lazy to consult the scripts/books right now. Do your best to imagine these Scottish, English, Australian, and Irish actors’ voices in their best New Yorkese…

Sam: “Hey, you can’t be the first lass I’ve kissed, but I swear you’ll be the last.”

Duncan: “The idea of grinding your corn does tickle me.”

Maria: “Arses and armpits. Too many people. The whole place smells like frogs.”

David: “Do you know what it’s like to love somebody who will never love you back?”

AND CAITRIONA BALFE FOR THE WIN! “If you ever lay a hand on me again, James Fraser, I’ll cut out your heart and serve it to you for breakfast!”

Seriously, her accent and line delivery were hilarious! 🎉

Good to know… Young Ian has the fartiest horse. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Period you would choose if your character could live anytime… Maria: 1930s-59 to hear Billie Holiday sing live. David just wants to see a dinosaur. Duncan: “Right now because right now needs Murtagh.” Cait: right now. Sam: would leave Jamie where he is, where he belongs.

Fan question… which, depending on your perspective, could be very awkward… When Outlander is over, will you still live in Glasgow? Silence. Crickets. Finally, “it’s never going to end,” I forget who said it first, but Cait jumped on it quickly. Duncan finally said, “You go where the work is,” and everyone agreed.

Here’s to a great audience and to Season 5! 🥃🥃🥃🥃🥃🥃🥃🥃🥃

Editorial 1… Whatever your perspective, no matter how hardened your heart might have become, I triple dog dare you to deny Sam Heughan did not burst with pride when one fan gushed about her loving Caitriona and presented her with a birthday gift, and another fan told the story of her becoming a surgical nurse because of Cait’s portrayal of Claire. I triple dog dare you.

Editorial 1-A… A fan mentioned and congratulated Sam on his upcoming movie. Sam talked about Caitriona’s upcoming movie. [He did express (mock) annoyance about her working with Matt Damon, who probably can’t ride a horse.]

Editorial 2… There is absolutely no circumstance under which Lallybroch would be better than a cat.

About playing (much) older characters… Cait said Claire and Jamie don’t really get older because their hearts and souls are ageless.

Two parter: 1. With Outlander and all his side projects, does Sam ever sleep? I can’t remember if he answered? Hmm. 2. What is his favourite episode or scene? He chose the first episodes of Season 3 during which Jamie was a shell of himself without Claire and had to learn to make a life without her. #obviously Cait was (mock) annoyed and he changed his answer to The Wedding.

Editorial 3… Mathematical question: If Faith was (still)born in 1744, and Brianna was born in 1948, which would be 1746 in Outlander time, had Faith not died, how would she be 10 years older than Brianna? Diana? Anyone? 

Again, about Outlander’s ending… Who would take Adso home? Cait said Eddie would kill Adso so Sam would have to take Adso home with him. And I eyeroll-laughed and laughed… (Perhaps I should label this bit “Editorial 4?”)

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October 5, 2019

Screenshots: @boyneriver-fraser from outlander_starz Facebook Live

#Outlander #NYCC 2019 #Panel interview #Caitriona Balfe #Sam Heughan #Duncan Lacroix #David Berry #Maria Doyle Kennedy #Ronald D. Moore #Maril Davis #Diana Gabaldon #Ginger Zee #151 #100519