#hey @syl-stormblessed can i get your thoughts

[lesbians-4-riovidal]

I am a 5'10" lesbian but i need you guys to understand that 5'6" keiran culkin as Roman Roy is so fuckable

[nevertheless-moving]

Stormlight AU 27B: Elhokar time travel

From Death to Way of Kings. Tries to get help, but unfortunately Elhokar is alone here.

Alternate version of this meeting, in which Elhokar uses his elementary light weaving skills to sneak into Sadeas bridgeman barracks, absolutely scaring the shit out of them.

Dark amorphous blob with glowing red eyes entering the barracks [it is his first time trying to be invisible. He is bad at it]: hello stormbles — do you all just sleep on the floor? And what is that smell? Heralds, this is depressing.

Bridge Four: WHAT THE — VOIDBRINGER! VOID —

Dark amorphous blob with glowing red eyes: wha — I am not a voidbringer! Stormblessed, tell them! I don't look anything like a voidbringer!

Kaladin: what? What are you? how do you know me? what do you want from us?

Dark amorphous blob with glowing red eyes: i — i thought —

Kaladin: Bissig, your knife, quick —

Dark amorphous blob with glowing red eyes: ah! keleks breath! Knife is not necessary, i, look — look — you remember, right? You saved me from assassins? We flew from Urithiru to Alethkar? Rescuing — well, attempting to rescue the queen? Come on hero, your kind of my last hope here, you have to remember —

[Dark amorphous blob with glowing red eyes turns into pretty light eyed woman]: tada! I - I swore my first oath! Just before I….you were there!

Teft: damnation! You're one too, aren't you!

Moash: uh, kal? It… might be a good time to talk about your past now?

Lopen: gancho, does this have something to do with your, you know, thing.

Skar: thing? what thing?

Rock: captain, i believe this woman too has god with her

Drehy: god?

Kaladin: i … have no idea what's going on. Who — what are you?

Brightlady [starting to tear up]: i — i thought for sure you would…you're the hero, not…oh stormfather, what am i supposed to do now?

Lopen: gancho! Very rude question! If you can't remember a woman's name you're supposed to fake it eh?

Moash: yeah kaladin, don't you know anything about women? Also, seriously? a lighteyes?

Kaladin:

Kaladin: i'm sorry ma'am, i don't — i have no idea what you're talking about

Brightlady [sniffling]: okay…alright…you don't remember, but you can still fix this— you can fly right? You could take an army to the voidbringers before they bring the desolation —

Hobber: you can fly??

Moash: don't be stupid, she's clearly insane — that black smoke must have been some kind of trick — listen lady —

Teft: lad…

Kaladin: i can't —

Syl: actually i just remembered! I think you might be able to — well not fly like me, but uh, fall? Upwards?

Kaladin:

Kaladin: I — I don't know how to fly! I'm not who you think i am!

Drehy: did anyone notice he didn't say he couldn't fly. because he definitely changed what he was going to say just now. Like i don't know how to use a bow, but i probably could, if someone taught me

Moash: Kal, just say you can't fly and end this conversation already

Kaladin: ...I have never flown before in my life

Bissig: i KNEW there was something about you — you're a herald in disguise, right?

Kaladin: what?! No! I — I might be a surgebinder, but seriously, I have no idea what's going on, alright?

Moash: what in the name of jezrians balls is a surgebinder?

Brightlady: i can't free you yet — dalinar will die…

Kaladin: wait, you can free us?

Brightlady: i mean i could probably buy you from Sadeas…but dalinar won't listen to me, he thinks i'm being paranoid — he would die — the entire kholin house would fall…

Kaladin: i don't give a cremling's leg about the kholin house! My men are dying! The bridgecrews are a death sentence and we're making runs every day now! If you want me to be some big voidbringer slaying hero then free us first!

Brightlady: oh? And the thousands of dark eyed soldiers under his command? You don't care about them?

Kaladin: what are we supposed to do as slaves that —

Voice from outside: hey! Bridge Four! What's that racket?

Moash: chull dung

Skar: Captain —

Kaladin: ah! Quick, change back to the voidbringer!

Brightlady: I'm not a —

Kaladin: if they find a brightlady in here we'll all be strung up! Hurry!

Brightlady: who would dare — oh, right right, uh —

[Brightlady transforms into nondescript herdassian man]: how — 'ows that?

Lopen: cousin!

Anyway after Elhokar leaves bridge four is left with the distinct impression that Kaladin is a herald who lost his memory.

Kaladin: i haven't lost my memory! I remember my whole life! I just don't like talking about it! None of us like talking about our pasts! Teft tell them what you told me —

Teft: …i mean i thought you were a surgebinder, but…

Moash: seriously what in damnation is surgebinding

Teft: it's people with the same powers as knights radiant. People who can breathe in stormlight and do things with it. After he survived the highstorm i brought him diamond chips…it's how he healed

Kaladin: which you didn't actually tell me right away

Skar: why didn't you tell us?

Moash: yeah. I thought we were in this together

Kaladin: i – i didn't know what to think. I still don't. For all i know I'm cursed, like the Knight's radiant were.

Lopen: you ain't cursed gancho! What kind of curse let's you stick rocks together?

Rock: stick rocks together?

Moash: alright, i can see why you wouldn't share a storming useless power

Teft: i thought you were a radiant but… most people say that the heralds come first, warning the world and then training the radiants. In some ways it makes more sense to be a herald alone than a single radiant without a herald…

Drehy: oh! Which herald do you think he is!

Kaladin: i am not a herald!

Sigzil: i believe that woman would have been Shalash — i have seen her depicted as a many faced woman capable of soul casting

Moash: huh i have heard that soulcasters are actually something unnatural under those hoods

Kaladin: seriously moash? You believe this?

Moash: i mean i already knew no one was answering prayers. If you're a herald that just means that the gods are fumbling around confused and screwing up, which would storming explain a lot about the world

Skar: oh that's a good point

Kaladin: no it's not!

Hobber: its alright sir! Er, my lord!

Kaladin: do NOT call me —

Eth: when i asked him about washing hands before and after touching wounds he just said 'wisdom of the heralds'

General bridgemen: oooh

Kaladin: my father taught me that! He's a surgeon! I grew up in a rural farming village in Sadeas! Enlisted in the army when i was 15 – i can remember my whole life, alright? Every miserable detail! I was 11 when King Gavilar died! I — and I can't believe i have to convince people of this — am not a Herald!

Bridge Four:

Rock: have heard of men whose minds make up stories after hitting head

Lopen: oh! oh! or, maybe its like, a past life thing

Sigzil: some religions do tell of mythical figures being reborn in times of need

General bridge four: ooh

Kaladin: YOU THREE AREN'T EVEN VORIN

Lopen: exactly!

Sigzil: reluctant as i am to be on the same side of an argument as lopen, it is not really heresy for us

Teft: i think jezrian and nale were the ones who could walk on walls and whatnot

Jaks: Jezrian sort of rhymes with kaladin!

Kaladin:

Kaladin: I'm going back to sleep.

[butwhybother]

Rhythm of War part 1 reactions. Rhythm of War spoilers!

I thought I might as well do a re-read before the novel comes out. And here are my (not necessarily sensible) thoughts.

I'm sorry if the keep reading link doesn't work on the app. When I checked, it still worked on the browser though. It seems to work now and I don't know how I did that.

Prologue

Gavilar is a DICK. I cannot emphasize this enough.

Does Gavilar have life sense of first heightening?

Currently trending in Kholin family: murder.

Chapter 1

Well, I guess Kaladin can no longer go around saying 'but nobody would recognize me here.'

Hey Lirin, that mental stuff you can't cut out with a scalpel? Your son has it too. You should go talk with him. And not in a 'I told you so' kind of way.

Chapter 2

Which ability of the ten do the Fused not have?

What teleporting?!?!

Oh no, Kaladin is not one of those punchy guys! He's always been more of a spearish chap!

FIFTH lashing?!?!

Awww Adolin found the perfect someone to play dress-up on. Syl can just materialize whatever new clothes he can imagine. 'how about some boots to go with that outfit?' 'you mean like this? *poof*' 'excellent, now let's embroider it on top.'

"sleepless nights had returned." Is this insomnia, or is Kaladin pushing himself too hard? Or both? Or something else?

Yes, Shallan, you can remember! You can do it! ...sigh.

Oh, Shallan. 'look, I'm being kidnapped. Finally, yay!'

"Lie down. Pretend to be dead for awhile. Get up. Easy." Sleep sure sounds morbid coming from someone who has been dead twice over, Syl.

Kaladin is proficient at dual wielding morbid and upbeat.

"Gagadin!" Ahhhhh! My heart is melting!

Kaladin brought Lyn home. More than once. Ohhhhhhh.

Chapter 3

Oh Navani, you made it happen! The flying ship! And you named it the Fourth Bridge! And the bridge is right there in the deck! My heart's gonna burst!

Lirin Stormblessed. Ha ha ha. Nickname turned family name. Imagine if your Tumblr handle became your legal name for your parents and descendants.

Chapter 4

No, good guys don't lie. Mmhm.

Chapter 5

"Heavenly Ones" sounds like a nice name. Reverent. Worshipful.

Kaladin sounds like a young man going to youth group and hoping that the nice girl he talked to last week is there again.

Perpendicularity is cool, but what if bad guys walk through it from Shadesmar?

Chapter 6

You can use Oathgates to travel to Shadesmar? But then how do you get back? Spren at Theylen city didn't allow it...

Moash, "that murderer," "the traitor." Good to know everyone know what Moash is.

"Let me get close, and I'll show you how good I am" Doesn't that sound like a really creepy pick-up line?

Ah-ha! Frost from too much stormlight!

Chapter 7

I really didn't expect allomantic metals other than aluminum to be important on places other than Scadrial. Very surprised to see Rioting and Soothing metals have effect on spren and stormlight.

Ialai's like, 'I'm a patriot working for the good of Alethkar!' and Shallan's like 'no, I'm a patriot working for the good of Alethkar!' and Mraize is probably somewhere, snickering at how well he played them both.

Anti-Radiant fabrial! It's different from the cube thing that Wax and Wayne came across, but they both are essentially magic-sucking devices.

It's amazing how much of Fused/Singer rhythms Kaladin can interpret. He didn't do this before.

A villain from a previous book meets a quick and unexpected death. This seems familiar.

Chapter 8

A fire is more of a problem for fancy houses than plain houses. Interesting!

You're wrong, Moash. Vengeance does not mean peace, and peace can be had without vengeance.

Choose death over life, end the journey, don't take responsibility for your actions. Moash is some sort of Anti-Radiant.

Allomancy?!?! What is this, gold?

When Shallan shows people a "different and better you that could be" picture, they get all inspired and then die (2 out of 3). When Renarin does it, Moash gets freaked out. (Adolin didn't get freaked out.) I'm not sure which is weirder.

Chapter 9

Moash how dare you plant these voices in Kaladin's head!

Who would want to sit in a tiny room where you can't walk around or even stand up? Oh wait that's what getting in a car is, every time.

The more I learn about Soulcasters, the less sense it makes.

Who's writing to Navani? Who put the tiny ruby there? And also, Navani needs to be open to the idea that her secret pen pal could be neither woman nor ardent.

Yay Shallan Adolin snuggles :)

Chapter 10

Kaladin, please stop beating yourself up. You're making me sad.

Chapter 11

Steel push and iron pull works on fabrials!

They've discovered artform? Eshonai tried so hard to find artform...

Chapter 12

It sounds like the artifabrians need a system for giving credit to the researchers/inventors and allowing them to gain profit and respect. Sharing is nice and all, but nobody wants somebody else to take your invention and reverse engineer it and monetize it or steal credit for it.

Somebody hug Kaladin and be there for him, please. Thank you, Syl. Thank you, Adolin. And thank you, Kaladin, for accepting help finally.

Kaladin often seems to envy how other people handle their lives and troubles. He doesn't see how they're broken and hurting inside though. Adolin is extraordinary in his perceptiveness.

Part of me wishes Kaladin had gone with Rock. Rock's goodbye sounds so final. It makes me sad.

Chapter 13

Why is Veil, rather than Radiant, pushing for truth and remembrance?

Wow they have a refrigerator now.

Gallant is letting Adolin ride him? Do all ryshadiums find Adolin just so irresistible? Also, this probably means Dalinar's been neglecting Gallant. Shame on you, Dalinar.

Mraize is holding Breaths, isn't he? At least of first heightening.

'Why do you keep sending on missions I want to accomplish and rewarding me with knowledge that I hunger for? Waaah!' That's Shallan here, pretty much.

Chapter 14

A disease that killed ten percent of human population. Wow. Literal decimation was not enough for them.

Chapter 15

Maybe Kaladin likes Zahel for the same reason dogs and little children like Vasher.

I had assumed Parshendi had soulcasters. This is totally different and so cool. Stormlight and music.

Rlain was so happy! And then not. It's frustrating, I know that Kaladin is trying, but Rlain has a point. Don't just settle.

Interesting that Kaladin compares Zahel to a masterpiece painting here. Kaladin compared himself to a painting earlier.

Aww Kaladin's been getting some practice time with Adolin at being a swordy fellow!

Kaladin almost got a hug from a snuggly sheet! It's S.W.Y.T! Snuggle When You're Thrown! Also, he destroyed a lot of laundry. Zahel's gonna get bad reviews. One out of five stars, all my laundry came back ripped into pieces or badly bleached, will never hire again.

Chapter 16

Szeth is little bit like the Stormfather. He knows things, but it doesn't occur to him to tell people what he knows until asked directly. Is he becoming spren-like?

Oh! So the Shin tradition of following a dying man's request has basis on deathrattles.

Navani. Gavinor. Adolin. I think I might cry.

I nominate Adolin Kholin as the highprince of boots. (My BFF would like to note how appropriate this would be, considering who the highprincess is.) And psst, Adolin! You can totally go with the cape now, you're a highprince. I believe in you!

Heavenly ones, the Singers. Curious how many words they've taken and use that their enemies use to describe themselves. They didn't bother to call the Parshendi Listeners before.

Chapter 17

Nooo Jasnah the enemy wants you and Dalinar away from Urithiru...

Chapter 18

"the older wind runner had given Kaladin a tongue-lashing at the mere suggestion." Is that like a basic lashing, full lashing, reverse lashing, or something completely different? Ahahaha I'm so funny

Lirin sold his sense of humor for money. All Kaladin got was scars. (Really, he said so himself. See the chapter in Words of Radiance where Adolin picks up Shallan for a date and Wit is the driver.)

Why does Kaladin becoming a surgeon make me feel so sad?

Chapter 19

Roshar is going Stormpunk!

Dalinar, stop sending Adolin carelessly into danger! Your son is not immortal! He is not invincible! And this time he won't have Skar and Drehy with him!

Dalinar doesn't count Navani as people. That's a super special introvert privilege there.

Dalninar Navani kiss 1. I'm keeping count.