#heteronomativity sucks

[bylertruth3r]

the show started with Nancy dating Steve and then she started having relationship problems with him (cuz she was in love with Jonathan) and s1 ended with her getting back together with him and in s2 she started dating Jonathan plus Byler has many parallels with Jancy and mleven has some parallels with stncy idk how y’all can't see that plus almost every couple in the show has been in a love triangle with someone else: Dustin, Lucas and Max. both Lucas and Dustin had a crush on her (but Dustin got over it and it was never mentioned again and they even gave him a gf in s3) and Lucas started dating Max. Steve, Jonathan and Nancy. Nancy dated Steve but she was unhappy cuz she was in love with Jonathan, Bob, Hopper and Joyce. Joyce dated Bob and you could tell Hopper was jealous about it cuz he was in love with her and in s4 Joyce started dating Hopper. notice how they all ended up with the second person? and guess what

 gf, Byers             bf(?), Byers               bf, Byers

oh and L*nnie and Hopper were in a love triangle with Joyce and she married L*nnie but now she’s with Hopper 

[bylertruth3r]

THIS also isn’t it interesting how that happened near a baseball camp when L*nnie literally wanted Will to play baseball to comform and be straight (and how Will destroyed Castle Byers with a baseball bat after his fight with Mike in s3) Will has Jonathan to tell him not to do things just because people expect him to do them and to just be himslef and do things he actually wants to do but Mike doesn’t have that (in s4 he was there for Eddie’s speech about forced comformity tho) he has people who keep telling him what to do and who put pressure on him (especially in s1) and who kept telling him that just because he was being nice to a girl that meant he liked her so he tried to convince himself that they were right and that he was supposed to like her which is why he started acting weird and pushing Will away but at the end of s3 he realized it’s not working and that his feelings for Will weren’t going away and in s4 we see him acting even weirder and when El kisses him again he’s wearing glasses to hide himself and we can’t even see his reaction to it and if he closed his eyes or not (which i know is intentional but ugh) 

ok. look at these.

look. that's the same look. right?

let's take a closer look. to do that, i'm gonna have to zoom in a bit on the first one. because, as you can immediately see, the shots are slightly different. the first is a little farther away, showing both mike and el, walking next to each other, whereas the second is much more intimate, a closeup on mike's expression as he looks at will's face in the foreground. a minor but telling difference about the levels of emotional intimacy in each scene.

so, moving past that first element of contrast, let's look at each shot in full, because in both of these scenes, mike goes on a bit of a face journey before he gets to that final smiling expression, seen above.

personally, i think studying actors' body language and micro-expressions is inconclusive at best, but i won't deny that these look similar. however, it's pretty clear to me that they aren't the same.

toward el, i see confusion, intrigue, maybe pleasant surprise, followed by a glance down (to emotionally process and/or watch his step), and then a nervous but friendly smile.

toward will, i see awe, relief, and overwhelming affection, followed by a shy glance down and a slight schooling of his slack jawed expression into a warm smile.

but, again, that's just my interpretation, and i can't say with any certainty what the intention of all of finn's micro-expressions are. but from my perspective, even a surface level viewing of these two expressions depicts a very different emotional experience. however: there's no denying the connection between these two scenes. they clearly mirror each other, just like a lot of things about mike's relationships with el and will mirror each other. i don't think that's an accident.

whatever you think his sexuality is, mike is undeniably in a romantic narrative with el. beginning in season one episode three, when the concept of their romantic relationship is introduced, the narrative arc mike and el share is heavily focused on that relationship. the first scene above actually happens in that same episode (s1e3), not coincidentally almost directly afterward. and the former scene, with mike, lucas, and dustin behind the baseball field, provides very interesting context for several reasons:

first: bear with me, because we're going back to look at the context behind this context. this is only episode three of the show, but already there's a lot going on, both in text and subtext.

and since we have the entirety of their relationship so far presented to us on screen, when lucas accuses mike of looking at el romantically, we're easily able to go back and figure out where he got that impression: we can examine every time lucas has seen mike look at el at all.

the first night, after finding el in the woods instead of will, and while insisting that the next day she'd be gone and they could focus on will again, mike's behavior is directly reminiscent of benny's. taking el in, and providing her with shelter, food, and clothing.

the next day, after learning that she's in danger and changing his mind about pawning her off on his mother, mike infers that she might know something about will. when lucas arrives, he exclaims that she recognized him and knew he was missing.

later, when lucas tells her that will is their friend, she asks what that means and mike explains. a friend...

and then she displays that she might really be able to help them find will. and mike looks at her like this:

each and every one of these interactions is directly related to will. but lucas, through the omnipresent lens of heteronormativity that surrounds boys' interactions with girls (especially a group of boys who have no experience with girls... more on that in a bit), only seems to consider the fact that mike's behavior, which is undeniably about will, is being directed at el.

throughout season one (and beyond, in more subtle ways), will and el are repeatedly connected to each other through the trope of mistaken identity. will is abducted on the same night (and due to the same series of events) that el escapes the lab. hopper, in his investigation into will's disappearance, keeps running into clues about el. and mike, lucas, and dustin, sneaking out in episode one to search for will, find el instead.

later in the season, hopper eventually realizes the truth of his own more overt mistaken identity arc: while he was under the assumption that he'd been following will's trail, he'd actually been following el's. interestingly, the realization is triggered by one specific distinguishing difference, which tells him beyond a doubt that he's been looking for two different kids: their art.

though much more subtle (aka hidden in the subtext), mike's arc with his feelings about will and el follows a very similar pattern. the main difference, though, is that in season one, the swapping of places is eventually reversed but never acknowledged as such, and mike ends season one with el now missing and will back in his life, but a lingering sense of something yet unresolved.

second: (i'm not going to deep dive into this one here, because it's a whole analysis in and of itself, but i need to mention it because it is relevant) this scene introduces the recurring motif of superheroes being directly connected to mike's feelings for el, which is an association we see follow them all the way into season four and become a defining metaphor for their incompatibility.

third: lucas is the character who first introduces mike's romantic feelings for el into the narrative. and instead of giving any indication that lucas' interpretation is correct, mike's reaction is... difficult to read. his response is immediately defensive, both verbally ("what are you talking about?" "shut up, lucas,") and physically (leaning away and shielding himself when lucas hugs him). we can infer from the original character descriptions why mike might be defensive about this subject:

obviously, this description is only a vague impression of what Mike Wheeler became, but it's clear that the core elements of his character outlined here did come to fruition on screen. here, mike's insecurity is linked both to the bullying he undergoes, and to his inexperience/ineptitude with girls. and it's presented as key to his character motivation (the original concept of his character arc put forth here is very straightforward: at the start, mike has insecurity centered around bullying and is romantically inexperienced. by the end, mike has courage against monsters and romantic experience.)

in any case, this scene is the first hint of this aspect of mike's character in the show itself (the earlier scene of bullying in the show focusing on mike consoling dustin over what he’s being bullied for (“i think it's kinda cool. it’s like you have superpowers or something!”)... see my last point here… mike holds the idea of superpowers in high regard, and they are consistently connected with his feelings about el. something about the mistaken identity through-line feels apt here: mike mistakes his feelings of admiration for el as feelings of romance.) in this scene, mike is confronted with both romance (in direct relation to himself for the first time in the show) and bullying.

but due to the way this is shot, it's impossible to get a read on what mike is truly feeling. it reminds me a lot of another scene, actually...

in both of these scenes, mike's genuine emotional reaction is hidden from us. in the first, lucas forcibly hugs him, teasing him about how much he "loves" el, and in effect introducing the idea of el as a romantic prospect to mike. in the second, el hugs mike tightly, her hand still around his neck from their kiss and his arm trapped in between them, similar to the way he shields himself from lucas. we're then shown that he's signed the card on the flowers squished between them "from, mike." hm. so... not love, as lucas suggests.

we come to learn over the course of season four that this is something mike is actively struggling with: his inability to "love" el in the way that she wants, expects, and deserves. this scene, introducing that season-long arc, conceals mike's true emotional state and motivations from us, again, mirroring the first introduction to their entire romantic plot line way back in season one.

(an aside: lucas' "if you love her so much, [then] why don't you marry her?" aka the inciting event of their romantic arc, is a based on a conditional statement with the hypothesis that mike loves el. as mr. clarke might posit (in, say, season one, episode one): what's the difference between an experiment and other forms of science investigation? ...well, an experiment is a controlled test of two or more variables against a hypothesis. does that remind you of anything happening in mike's romantic narrative? something about...... [murray voice] experimenting sexually?)

anyway. then, after extracting himself from el's embrace, mike finally drops his bag(gage) and opens his now empty arms to will, before preemptively cutting himself short with a punch to the shoulder.

...did someone say internalized homophobia?

and then immediately upon being introduced to argyle, mike is called out for his presentation here not being genuine. ("it's a shitty knock-off,"/"i really thought it was ocean pacific...") we're being told that something about mike's performance is not what it seems (and may even be a case of one thing being mistaken for something else).

and speaking of homophobia...

fourth (and finally): this scene, of lucas' teasing mike about his "love" for el, which i'll remind you again is tied directly to lucas mistaking mike's behavior regarding will as being solely about el, is quickly interrupted by an onslaught of homophobia, during which mike is specifically targeted (read: tripped) by the bullies.

the juxtaposition is immediate and obvious: mike's friends lovingly teasing him, even embracing him, over a crush on a girl vs. bullies maliciously taunting them about will being killed for being queer and then physically harming mike.

(there's also something to be said about the later scene in which these bullies force mike to drop his bike in the woods and chase him to the edge of the quarry, mirroring exactly how the cops assume will must have died... and, to be clear, i'm not saying that mike himself is being bullied for being queer in the way will was. no, mike's queerness is invisible to those around him in a way that will's isn't, so his relationship with it and the ways it affects him are hidden in subtext.)

which brings us directly to the following scene in the woods. el asks about mike's injury (sustained from the aforementioned bullying, thereby linking these two scenes even more concretely) and with a little prodding ("friends don't lie"), he opens up to her about what happened, and about being bullied at school. she listens, tells him she understands (this also follows her recent flashback of brenner's abuse in the lab), and they share a "cool," "cool," and a smile.

so... let's quickly jump over from here to the van scene with will. something similar, yet notably different, is happening in this scene, leading up to that infamous smile at the end. mike is sharing his insecurities with will now, but instead of will prodding him to open up, mike, prompted only by will's "she's gonna be okay," begins rambling so much about his insecurities (while speaking in superhero metaphors) that he eventually cuts himself off, saying it's "stupid." instead of letting him brush it off, will guesses exactly what mike is afraid of: "you're scared of losing her." he gives him The Painting (a symbol of his love for mike) and a long speech about feeling lost and different, while insisting upon mike's value (you're the heart, leading us, inspiring us, etc). and then they share a "yeah?" "yeah," and a smile.

so we can see the similarity in the way the shots are set up, the progression of the conversations, and mike's visible reactions. but we can also see distinct differences, all of which together inform a significant difference in emotional weight between these two scenes.

while mike's conversation in the woods with el takes place in the third episode of season one, at which point mike has known her for less than 48 hours, the van scene is in the second to last episode of season four, and is the fourth of five heart-to-hearts mike and will have this season alone (and following three previous seasons and beyond that years of close friendship). it is also arguably the climax of their shared arc this season. on the other hand, mike and el's season one moment is part of the introduction to their storyline, and the introduction to their romantic arc. in this moment in the woods, mike is looking at el romantically (did you think i was gonna argue that he isn't? because no, he definitely is). in fact, this is the beginning of mike's entire romantic arc, which sets out to address the foundational insecurity that is key to his character. we, as an audience, right alongside mike, have just been told (by lucas) that mike has romantic feelings for el. and then we are presented with this scene. we are supposed to view this as romantic. because mike is starting to view it as romantic.

had stranger things been one season long, then the climax of their romantic arc would have been the kiss they share in the cafeteria, followed by the denouement of el's symbolic death (the gay implications of which i could write another whole essay on...). but the end of season one was not the resolution of mike's full romantic arc. by the nature of the five act structure (which is what stranger things has, being five seasons), the entirety of season one serves as exposition for our full narrative. which means, in effect, that the entire arc of mike and el's season one relationship is there to serve as groundwork, a foundation for mike's complete five season arc. season one, starting from before he even meets el, all the way through to when he eventually kisses her and then loses her, is only act one of that arc. the first act of five act structure is when the driving conflict is presented. so in the context of the entire show, for us as the viewer, mike's narrative arc surrounding the romantic aspect of his insecurity begins with his season one "romance" with el.

and we know that this insecurity is an element of the full five-act narrative, rather than being presented and wrapped in the course of the mini "self contained" narrative of season one, because we can see plainly, three seasons later, particularly during mike's heart-to-hearts with will, that this insecurity has not yet been resolved. we know this, on a basic level, from having watched mike and el's relationship struggles progress, but it is still explicitly laid out for us in season four. and will is consistently the only person who genuinely hears mike out, encourages him to open up, and addresses his insecurities, instead of brushing him off, like most other people in his life (including will at some points) have done. will understands him in a way el only claimed to in season one.

looking back to the character outline: mike has now "kiss[ed] a girl" and even "had a girlfriend" and still hasn't resolved his insecurities even remotely. in fact, after the first season arc wraps up, this romantic relationship becomes the main source of that insecurity. his difficulty navigating a real romantic relationship with el is the basis of their arc in season three. and by season four, mike is consciously struggling with being unable to tell el that he loves her. despite will's reassurances that things will be okay (which stack onto lucas' constant relationship advice in season three), mike keeps circling back around to it. because he can't move forward on the path he is on.

he has reached a point of no return, like a “fight you can’t come back from.” he is unable to find the security he is searching for in his romantic relationship with el... and this is where we arrive back at the van scene with will.

if the scene in the woods marks the beginning of the introduction of mike's romantic arc, then the scene in the van marks the beginning of the conclusion of mike's romantic arc. if the introduction of his romantic arc (season one) presents his insecurity, then the natural conclusion of that arc (season five) is security. throughout season four, mike lays out for will the insecurity that his relationship with el still brings him. he is unable to find that security with el, and, in the van scene, finds it with will instead.

or, should i say, begins the journey to finding it. because, especially after the lie that brings them into that moment, and then traumatic pizza dough freezer incident, we're still at the beginning of the conclusion. there's still a lot to resolve, but season four (alongside mike, who now understands what he's been going through) finally began moving the subtext of mike's arc into the actual text. and this moment indicates that season five will take that next step to fully, textually, actualizing it.

so, getting back to the parallel we're looking at here: each of these scenes is a catalyzing moment in mike's romantic arc. in season one, when lucas suggests that mike has a crush on el, and then what follows is a conversation with el where she is (to quote lucas) "not grossed out" by him, he actively begins his journey toward resolving this character motivating insecurity. he looks at el and he sees the possibility of romance.

and just look at him. he looks excited. hopeful. a little nervous. but... i want to remind you again: mike has known el for less than 48 hours at this point. this is the first conversation they've had in which they've related to each other as equals. for their entire relationship before this and afterward, outside of their romantic interactions (and also. often. disturbingly. concurrent with their romantic interactions...), mike's role has been as el's protector, a makeshift father figure, the elliot to her E.T. here, though, el tells mike that she understands him.

in season one, mike is twelve years old (read: pre-pubescent). he has no personal understanding of or experience with romance. dustin starts to comment in s1e2, "you're letting a girl...?" and ted later scoffs "our son with a girl?" and outside of the queer coding, what we can take from both of these (which draw back to the original character description) is that mike has no experience with girls whatsoever. (outside of, you know. family. but that's not what this post is about.)

and again, this scene happens almost directly after lucas first introduces the idea of romance between them, both to the narrative, and to mike himself, who, very significantly, up until this point, has shown no romantic interest in el. the sequence of these events is not a coincidence. 1. lucas assumes mike has romantic feelings for el. 2. el and mike have a moment of personal connection and understanding 3. mike "boys only" wheeler puts these two together and assumes the connection between them must be romance. but the expression on mike's face here isn't a representation of already existing romantic feelings. there's no basis for those. again, this moment represents for mike the potential for romance.

which... makes his expression in the van scene hit even harder. because unlike el, will isn't a stranger he barely knows, but rather his best friend of ten years. and it isn't lucas telling mike how mike feels. it's will professing his own feelings about mike, in direct response to mike's self-professed insecurities. (ding ding ding, are your alarm bells going off?) mike's expression at the end of this scene, if we're viewing it as a reprise of his season one expression, is a representation of hope for his romantic future. but this time, heading into the resolution of mike's romantic arc, with all of the knowledge and context we (and mike) have gained over the course of the past four seasons, it's directed at will.

ok. so. with the basic connection between these two scenes established, i'm gonna move a little bit sideways here. at the end of their romantic arc in season one, el disappears from mike's life and will reappears in it, effectively swapping their places (remember that we've been dealing with the mistaken identity trope between these two), and leaving the question of mike's romantic security glaringly unresolved.

and we know why - this is a five act narrative we're watching - but just within the context of the season one arc... the climactic moment of mike finally asking the girl to be his sister kissing the girl was preceded by her locating will in the upside down (leading to his rescue) and followed by a resolution in which she disappeared... and will took her place. at the end of the season, mike is left in the same place he started: playing games in his basement with will, his first attempt to resolve his arc of romantic insecurity, with el, ultimately ending in tragedy.

after season one, this arc picks up again, but this time will is the one present in mike's life. and mike's behaviors toward el in season one, during which they were undergoing a romantic story arc, begin showing up again in his behavior toward will. but unlike with el, mike's particular (read: romantic) behavior toward will happens without outside intervention, and in fact, often in spite of outside intervention. now, this isn't to say that all of mike's behavior with el was a result of others' influence. when el reveals to mike that she is on the run from "bad people," mike is immediately protective and caring toward her. however, as i've already explained, this caring behavior (which, again, we know right off the bat is not romantic because it directly mirrors the way both benny and hopper care for her) doesn't turn into romantic behavior until lucas introduces that idea.

on the opposite side of the spectrum, right from episode one of season one, mike's behavior toward will is fully self motivated, even in the face of opposition.

and as we move through season one and beyond, we can see that mike continues to rely on constant guidance in the way he cares about el (particularly and most consistently from lucas).

stranger things is, at it's horror filled core, a coming of age tale. like many of our other characters, mike's full character arc, romantic and otherwise, is about self-actualization. from the very conception of the show, his insecurity is presented as a central character flaw to overcome, while also being directly linked with his romantic fulfillment. the overcoming of this fatal flaw, the resolution of his romantic arc, and his final achievement of self-actualization are all inextricably intertwined.

the reprisal of this specific expression of romantic hope as we enter the end of mike's romantic arc is not an indication that mike is in the same place emotionally at the end of season four as he was at the beginning of season one, just with a different person now. instead, it is an indication of his romantic arc coming full circle. mike began in a position of hope for his romantic future with el, only to have the actualization of that hope (their romantic relationship) gradually degrade his romantic fulfillment and self-esteem. the longer mike and el are together, and the more serious their romantic relationship becomes, the worse mike's insecurities become. this is, i would argue, directly related to the fact that mike's pursuit of a romantic relationship with el is not due to his own genuine desire, but instead a combined result of heteronormativity (lucas assuming mike's feelings for el to be romantic), compulsive heterosexuality (mike's subsequent assumption that his feelings for el must be romantic), forced conformity (mike's attempt to resolve his insecurities firmly within these heteronormative boundaries, under the assumption that a rejection of these boundaries is unacceptable), and the trope of mistaken identity that has been following will and el since season one.

and of course i don't know with any concrete certainty what season five will contain, but based on the narrative so far, and optimistically expecting a satisfying resolution to his character arc, the actualization of his romantic hope regarding will is going to lead to true romantic fulfillment and coincide with his self-actualization (a big part of which is coming to terms with his sexuality).

now, i'm not going to conclude this whole analysis by saying, "and that's why mike is gay!" because while i think this all is a good indication of that, based on all of the context and my impression that this narrative is being presented in a way that focuses on the subtext and deeper symbolism of each of these relationships rather than being a case of specifically el vs. will, you might still have a different interpretation than me. that's fine. however, i am going to end by insisting (me when i argue with the wall), based on everything i've laid out, that this parallel and others like it (ie parallels between byler & miIeven's romantic arcs) are not evidence of mike's feelings, specifically whether they are genuinely romantic or not. this parallel serves as a narrative device in his romantic character arc... the conclusion of which is mike realizing and coming to terms with the fact that he is actually in love with will, and not el.

just to be very clear, i'm not saying these parallels alone are proof against mike being bisexual, but i am saying that they are not evidence in support of his being bisexual. again: they do not indicate that mike is romantically attracted to el. what they indicate is that will and el are foils in mike's romantic arc.

before i finish, i want to address a couple misconceptions:

1. the fact that mike actively and willingly participates in a romantic relationship with a woman means he can’t be gay. this is straight up homophobia. gold star bullshit. no.

2. mike and el being presented in a romantic light means that they have genuine romantic feelings for each other. this is a misconception of the way narrative tools are used to tell a story. going right back to my first point: it is an irrefutable fact that many gay people have romantic relationships with the people of different genders (read “the opposite sex”) before they come out/realize their true sexuality. it is also a fact that many of these gay people fully believe their feelings to be genuinely romantic before realizing that they are not. as i've already gone over, mike is twelve years old when his romantic arc begins. on the surface, his relationship with el is presented as romantic. he participates in (and even initiates) romantic behaviors because he believes that his feelings for el are romantic. in seasons one and two, mike is one of our main POV characters. we can see a romantic tilt to the way some of their scenes are shot because, to mike, while they are happening, they are romantic (keeping in mind what i said before about mike having no experience and therefore no personal knowledge informing his perspective, AND keeping in mind that many of these on-the-surface "romantic" scenes are also consistently subtextually linked (read: paralleled) to familial relationships for both of them... and i haven't even touched the cultural context surrounding homosexuality in 80's. there's so much nuance informing the way this story is being told). and we, as the audience, are supposed to read them as romantic on first viewing, because otherwise the season five plot twist, revealing the truth of mike's feelings, would not work.

it is not a coincidence that the active degradation of their romantic relationship (outside of all of the other context, parallels, symbolism, family coding, etc, that are there to hint along the way that things are not as they might seem) begins full force in season three, at the exact point when the two actually enter a real relationship for the first time, and also when our characters are entering puberty, the time during which a person's sexuality (in a general sense, but also in regard to sexual orientation) begins to fully emerge. after his season one arc with el, mike underwent another season-long romantic arc: this time, with will. it's more subtle, because (i believe) mike doesn't realize yet that it's romantic, but it's there. then at the end of season two, mike makes a choice: he encourages will to dance with a girl and he dances with el, re-writing their tragic ending from season one, but now leaving his romantic arc with will frustratingly unresolved, again mirroring the sense of unresolution from season one: mike has swapped out the end of each romantic arc with the wrong love interest.

and then in season three, now having had the experience of both romantic arcs, and now, for the first time, with both will and el right there beside him, all we can see anymore is the overt contrast between the two relationships, depicted most blatantly through the same type of visual and narrative "parallel" we've been looking at here.

but at the end of this season, instead of making a choice, mike's choice is made for him. he has a romantic moment with will, and then el kisses him, confusing the resolution of these two romantic arcs once again.

mike's season four arc closely mirrors his season one arc (searching for one love interest with the other by his side, mistaken identity trope abound), but with important distinctions: 1. mike is a little older, a lot more experienced, and has a better understanding of both the context of romantic relationships and the scope of his feelings for both el and will. and 2. mike's only real guidance in season four comes from will, and he doesn't simply listen and act based on will's advice, as he did with lucas' in seasons 1&3. now, he fully engages with will's input, pushing back against it when he doesn't agree, and accepting it when he can acknowledge its truth (up until, of course, our fourth (and hopefully final) tragic, incorrectly resolved ending). mike is finally taking control of his romantic narrative in a way he hasn't previously, and the direction it's heading in now is toward security, self-actualization, and will.

so the point of all of this is: nothing is as simple or straightforward as it may seem on the surface. the narrative has always been deeply complex and layered with subtext and symbolism. and most of all, when interpreting the meaning of anything presented directly to us on screen, context matters.

also uh. yeah, mike gay

[amateurteacher]

GAP SCENES [part 4]

I am back, Tumblr family! and this time it might be kinda problematic for some of you... BUT as we prepared for the absolute heartbreak, I want to talk about how much of the responsibility of what's about to happen is KIRK'S and how little sympathy I have for the dude.

As a closeted lesbian, one of my biggest, if not the biggest, fears was to get caught, not only because that meant having to explained and label myself to the world, but mostly because in the process I had to come in terms with myself. Dating in secret sucked, but at least I had time to think about what all meant, because falling in love with a woman for me meant well... falling in love, but also discovering damn, I might go to hell, and all that shit. Kirk, in a “poor me, my girlfriend who has never showed interest in me cheated on me” moment took that opportunity away from SamMon. Thanks to “the call” there was no time to talk about “how hard everything is” And I can tell you it’s a really different conversation when you’re talking with your girl about world’s homophobia, than when everyone else is saying “this is the hard way”

BUT before his kinda revenge, I did not like him at all. And I was having so much trouble with the fact that the show made him more “likeable” in comparison with the novel. However, I think it is a good chance to explore some toxic traits that might not seem toxic at the first sight. 1. I hated how he constructed himself as the opposite of Sam in front of the workers. Even if they were right in their critiques, I will never allow people  to diss my girlfriend in public. First thing Sam liked about Mon? That she challenged her. Second thing? That she defended her. Kirk seems to enjoy being the “best” boss between him and Sam. 2. She does not like you, man. Not a single sign of affection. She clearly does not want to be with you. The entire discourse of “I want her to be happy no matter what” DUDE! Where was that the entire time? Even if he thinks “he can make her happy” it is deeply condescending to assume you know how to make her happy more than herself 3. Not assuming that talking with the grandma and talking with Nita and firing employees  (all behind Sam’s back) were mistakes right away but insisting in “I mean well” masculine heroe behaviour, red flag! red flag! red flag! 4. Finally...

LET.HER.GO 

In every discussion that arm grab, red flag! red flag! red flag!

Anyways... maybe its because the guy is meant to represent compulsive heteronomativity, but I needed to let my anger go before it got totally redirected to the grandma, I guess 😂😂

[seoafin]

what do u think about romance in shonen if theres even one? also do u think jjk will have any?

i actually hope not because its mainly focused on plot and akutami doesn't seem like the type of mangaka to do it also sorry if this was already talked about before if so then i probably missed it

romance in shonen is going to suck 9/10 times and the only reason why it isn't a 10/10 is bc hell's paradise allowed me to see the light. it let me believe for one amazing second that maybe romance in shonen could be salvaged. that somehow women could take a lead in a shonen without their characters being mangled by a badly written romance subplot. that a man could fight to get home to the love of his life and have that love be such an integral part to his character and character arc without the writer throwing in a harem or a second pairing. and all this BY a male mangaka. amen. amen to hell's paradise.

romance in jjk? probably not. i think we've got all the romance already (mechamaru and miwa) and now akutami's moving along the plot. i don't want to link the post where i talked abt a potential (but extremely unlikely pairing) happening bc of shonen manga heteronomativity but yeah. unlikely. don't see it happening. though i will laugh and think it extremely funny if we go down the naruto route.

[rainbowsky]

Even if a person dates the opposite sex, that means shit, with all due respect. At some point, we all go through experiences because we're trying to find ourselves and accept our real preferences. I do think GG is most likely bi, but I also think there's a high probability of him being gay. The only thing I know is that neither of those men are straight, my dude. That's a given. Heteronomativity fucking sucks.

This is in reference to a previous post.

Fake, fan fiction, CPN.

Yeah, I’ve talked about GG’s sexuality a bit in the past (and said that his possibly dating a woman in college isn’t proof he’s straight or even bi), but that was back before the "jealousy in 3 languages” BTS came out. I really feel that clip is pretty solid evidence that GG must be into women (alongside men). Otherwise DD would have no fodder for joking with him about the women he’s been chatting with. I think we can’t ignore that evidence of GG being bisexual.

[evilroselalonde]

Isn’t davekat super toxic? With dave being an abuse survivor and karkat being.. karkat

taking a sec from classpecting to answer this. treating this like a real question because thats what it reads as (as opposed to like, a troll)

no? theres some metaposts about it some where but davekat really isnt toxic, probably ? he’s mean and loud and angry but honestly thats mostly a defense mechanism, and he doent mean a lot of what he says. he is a deeply caring character (look at his convo with terezi about gamzee!)

daves abuse came from psychological manipulation and physical abuse. bro was quiet and like i said above psychologically manipulative. karkat is pretty much the opposite of that, he cant keep a secret about his feelings in the moment to save his life. he is probably one of the least violent out of the trolls we see. he’s all bark no bite really 

davekat works so well because these two balance each other (and each others trauma) really well.

dave come from a silent physically abusive home. karkat is loud and clear in his emotions. he’s also not seriosuly violent and is a genuinly caring erson (*especially* to those he cares about.

karkat comes from a planet that wants him dead, he’s blames himself for the death of his friends/failure of his session. dave tells him to chill for a sec because hey thats valid but bro u need to take a sec and chill out its gonna be okay

and their mutual struggles with quadrants/heteronomity parallel each other. 

tldr: davekat balances each other out really well, karkat is not a bad person for dave to be in a relationship with because he is almost the opposite of the abuse dave faced

****THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION TO COME INTO MY INBOX AND TELL ME WHY THEY SUCK. I HAVE SAID MY PIECE, AND THEY WILL BE DELETED****

[catterfly]

got tagged in a questions meme by @quadhonks :ok_hand:

Nicknames: cat, catter, catdad

Gender: shrug emoji

Sign: sagit

Height: 5'5

Time: 1.11p

Birthday: dec 15

Fav bands: bnl, glitch mob, daft punk, all them homestuck artists...

Fav solo artists: c418, nifflas, neil cic, jim guthrie, studio pixel...

Song stuck in my head: the entire heathers ost

Last movie I saw: sta wa tlj, shape of water

Last show I watched: poputepipikku

When did I create my blog: answered tumblrbot on may 30th, 2011

What do I post: art, when i remember to

Last thing I googled: broccoli rabe and sausage pasta

Do I have any other blogs: absolutely fdlkg

Do I get asks: nah

Why did I choose my URL: it's ME

Following: 238

Followed by: 936, i haven't curated for bots recently

Average hours of Sleep: 7-10 oops

Lucky number: nah

Instruments: old clarinet skill, 1yr of flute, i’m good at hollering

What I am wearing: houseclothes/pyjamas, a big blanket cape cause i'm Cold

Dream job: something that pays enough for me to do more than survive that i don't hate. my bar's pretty fuckin low tbh.

Dream trip: the void

Fav food: pastaaaaa

Nationality: white amurcan

Fav song: can't pick just one lmao

Last book I read: heteronomativity in modern literature can suck my dick. last fanfic i read was star wars probably.

Fav fictional character: fictional cats. jiji, muta, all the cats in chrono trigger, valerie and judge....

i'm a meme dead end, so i en't gonna tag, but u can do if you wanna

[arbitrarilymine]

Tuesday, 26.09.17, 18:29

Identities, Intersectionality and Erasure

Often, the identities I have and the way they intersect and interact make me feel like I’m spending too much time thinking (worrying) about them. As a gender non-binary pan-romantic greysexual (yes, it’s a mouthful, I know), I honestly spend a lot of time just... thinking about my gender and sexuality. Why? Simply because they’re not the “norm”, they’re not what people around me typically experience and because of that, I don’t really have any one to talk to about this. Which is why I end up figuring things out myself with the help of the internet. And the internet is, you know, great and wide and all, but it’s also not actual real life human interaction and contact, so there’s always that difference.

But let’s not speak so broadly. Let’s start from each identity and why, everytime I question myself, it feels like I’m doing something rather pointless. Firstly it’s difficult enough to figure out exactly what I want, what I feel, what I am (and not to mention that *that* is subjected to change as I grow older or experience more in life). And the fact that very little people around me can actually understand what I’m experiencing doesn’t help. Sure, they can empathise. Especially the friends who are gender non-conforming or gay or ace, those help. They do. They tend to understand better, because we’re all minorities, so to speak. But do they understand specifically my identity? No, because we don’t have the same ones (and that’s not even crossing over into intersectionality, which I would, in a bit). So, there’s that first bit about feeling lost in my own identity searching, so to speak. And me being gender non-binary... that took me quite a while to figure out, and I’m still not sure if it’s the best term to use, but it’s the best I can find for now, so.

The thing is, I feel uncomfortable when I’m referred to as a guy, which I have been mistaken for, multiple times. I’m generally alright with being referred to as she/her (aka female pronouns), but the moment gender norms on dressing and behavior set in, especially in more formal events like work or school, I... feel very, very uncomfortable being “female” or being expected to dress and behave what’s deemed appropriate for a girl. (Also, I don’t like the word “woman” being used on me. “Girl” is still acceptable, I think, maybe because I’ve been called that so many times since young that it’s not really uncomfortable.) So yeah, if she/her are pronouns that honor me, but they/them work too... and I don’t feel like I’m a dude, I’m comfortable with my body and I dress in a mostly androgynous style that seems more masculine (but I think is more unisex)... what am I?

And okay, it’s fine to not know. And like, a very common question from people who don’t experience this gender ...dysphoria (though I use the word loosely because it doesn’t cause me extreme distress, but it’s definitely a thing that weighs on my mind from time to time) is, does it really matter? Does it matter if I know whether I’m a girl or boy or woman or man or both or neither or what? DOES IT MATTER? they want to know. And the answer is, it seems like it doesn’t, but it does to me. Even if it’s rather insignificant, like it doesn’t seem to impact my life much... but then again, it does. It causes me discomfort whenever I’m in uncomfortable situations brought about my gendered expectations and like, ok, sure other people experience it too, but maybe the thing is (and the thing I should learn to tell myself is), just because others don’t think it’s an issue doesn’t mean it’s not an issue for you. It’s obviously a thing that’s on my mind, that bothers me, and that’s ok.

I don’t know, I ended up going in a circle to give myself advice. Okay, nevermind, let’s continue while my train of thought is still going.

Pan-romantic. For the last few years, I figured I was pansexual. But recently I’ve started realising I’m more on the grey-end of the sexual spectrum. I don’t experience much ...sexual desires usually, but they do come, once in a while, and stay for a period of a few months? But mostly I think I’m more on the ace end of the spectrum, but also, I read a lot of explicit and mature fanfic/media so it’s not like I’m completely ace either. So basically, greysexuality aside, let’s talk about the pan aspect of my identity. Pan-romantic means I like people, regardless of their gender. I’ll like to believe I’m open to gender non-conforming people, which is why I don’t really use bi (except to make it easier to explain to people), but really, if you count the people I’ve been attracted to, it’s girls and guys. But anyway, let’s leave the door open on gender non-conforming and trans people, because who knows? So I’m pan, but what I’m going to say next is going to sound more like bi-erasure because that’s the more realistic extent of my experiences so far.

Being pan (or “bi”) is like this. I’ve told people. They tend to advice me not to come out “unless I really fall in love with a girl”, as if it’s *lucky* that I’m not straight out lesbian (ignoring for a moment here that I identify as gender non-binary and not female). It’s like, being pan (”bi”) is seen as a, “oh hey, you can pass as straight, so why not use it to your advantage” from the straight crowd, and a “oh hey, you’re lucky to not be as discriminated as us gay/les people because you can hide” and getting kind of a ...discriminated treatment from the gay crowd and just. I get that they’re looking at this from their perspective and pan/bi seems like such a fun place to be but trust me, it’s not. It’s not lucky or what, because those who are straight tend to see me as straight and those who are not will see me as “not gay enough”? And yeah, it doesn’t matter what these people think per se, but it’s being caught in the middle as if I want to that makes it suck. It’s also, dating a dude and being assumed to be straight and having to hide my relationship with a girl because oh hey, we’re not ready to come out. Because, why would a pan/bi person come out? Why would a pan/bi person not go for the “easiest” option (i.e. “straight” which, like dude, that’s such a heteronomative idea, because I like people, not gender). So really, erasure is such a thing and I’m sick of it.

But hey, that’s not the last bit. There’s greysexuality. And also, I forgot, monogamous (because I don’t have enough energy and love for polyamory) and also my current wish to remain single until I feel that I’m ready for a relationship. You see, being monogamous, when paired with being pan/bi means I’ll always be seen as “straight” or “gay” just based on who I’m dating at the moment unless I clarify (But oh hey, I don’t owe anyone an explanation, so I don’t need to explain, but also, ERASURE). And my current desire to remain single brings the question of, does it matter if I’m pan or greyace or what if I’m not even going to be dating anyone?

(The answer is, yes, it does, to me.)

But because it seems the only person this really matters to is me (as it should be, I suppose), it means it’s hard to find anyone to talk to about this. Like, ugh, I know, they can just listen, I don’t have to tell anyone, etc. etc. but. I’m also only human. I can think about all these alone, in my head, but I don’t exist in a void, and I’m just tired of feeling like none of my identities matter and yet I spend so much time trying to figure myself out and just. I don’t know man, it’s a real pain. And it’s also partly the reason why I’d rather be single because one, I can’t figure myself out enough and two, it’s really hard to find someone who can understand or at least accept all these. So far the intersectionality of my identities have made it so that the people I’ve dated don’t... understand or even, at the very least, begin to empathise? And that’s a huge gap in a relationship, at least one I want to be in, and just. I’m tired. Obviously I do want human comfort as well, but for now friends and family are it. Because just. I’m tired.

This is a mess, I didn’t read it through but I’m going to publish it anyway because I think I should.

[bylertruth3r]

damn that’s.. a lot

[soupnomancy]

after months of contemplation,,, i'm pretty sure i'm a full on mode homosexual

I am seriously questioning if I actually like men and, like I know there’s no pressure and stuff but at the same time i’m really stressed out by it???? like not even acknowledging i was into girls at the age of 14 was this hard for me #help

[bylertruth3r]

(nothing about this is actually confirmed so don’t take it too seriously)

Mike’s pov? (Mike tried to call Will several times when he was in Lenora but the line was always busy also the clock thing.. )

the last part reminds me of what Mike said about meeting Will for the first time and how he felt alone before befriending him

Mike’s love for Will is still a secret to a lot of people including Will and yeah Mike doesn’t know that Will’s gay and in love with him either but it got confirmed in s4 so the audience knows about it

this one reminds me of Mike and how he has to accept what he really wants and who he actually wants to be with and that he shouldn’t feel like he has to keep trying to be someone he’s not (heteronormativity sucks)

[bylertruth3r]

so there are these 2 friends a boy and a girl and they’ve always had a special bond and the boy is really protective of the girl, they tell each other things they would never tell to other people cuz they feel like no one would undestand them like they undestand each other. When something bad happened to the girl the boy was devasted, lost and got affected by it more than their other friends. After he got his “friend” back he started being even more protective of her and literally got worried because the girl wasn’t at school and called her to check on her cuz he was really worried and when she didn’t answer him he got even more worried and ran to her house and he was the only one of his friend group who went to her house cuz again they had a special bond something more than what they have with their other friends. When things started getting bad for the girl again the boy was always at her side always there for her and she told him what was actually going on with her she opened up to him and told him things she would never tell the others cuz they wouldn’t understand her like the boy does. When things got even worse for the girl the boy stayed with her at the hospital he stayed at her side and even stayed overnight at the hospital cuz he couldn’t leave her there he couldn’t let anything bad happen to her again. Things started getting even worse and he was so close to losing her again for good this time but he couldn’t let that happen so he told her something he told her that before he met her he felt scared and alone he told her meeting her was the best thing that ever happened to him she made his life better she’s the best thing that ever happened to him. Things got better and the girl was safe with her friends and they were at a ball they were having fun and suddenly a boy asked the girl to dance and the girl didn’t know what to say she look at her “friend” who told her to dance with the other boy and so she did it she followed the boy and went to dance with him but the truth is she didn’t wanna dance with that boy she wanted to dance with her friend but she was too afraid to ask him that so here she is dancing with a boy she didn’t actually wanna dance with while her friend is looking at her with a look that suggest he regretted that decision he regretted telling her to dance with that boy but he doesn’t know why i mean he didn’t feel that way about his other friends dancing with other people so what’s so different about that girl.. During summer things started changing between them the boy was more distant things were awkward and they even had a fight which never happened between them which was really weird.. After talking to each other they made up and things got better but the girl had to leave him she had to move away and things between them started going bad cuz she never called him she never wrote to him and he tried to call her he called her so many times but unfortunally the line was always busy because of the job his friend’s mom was doing and he was worried he missed her things weren’t the same without her the town wasn’t the same he missed talking to her he missed hearing her voice he just really missed her but was also worried he was worried of the girl moving on from him he was worried about her finding other friends he was worried about her finding someone else and during those months he also found out why things were so different between them he found out that maybe things weren’t as platonic as he thought they were cuz seriously he would never talk to his friends the way he talks to her, he would never do the things he does for her he would never tell them the things he told her cuz they wouldn’t get it not like she does anyway..  so he was afraid, afraid of getting rejected, afraid of those feelings ruining their friendship, afraid of making things awkward, afraid of losing her again , afraid of hurting her again so he tried to hide it he tried to act like those feelings weren’t there he tried to act like he doesn’t think of her as nothing else but his best friend and then he received a letter from his gf and in that letter she tells him about his friend about how she’s making a painting for a boy she liked and he shouldn’t be jealous about it cuz she’s allowed to date who she wants and he shouldn’t act like she’s more than his best friend but it still hurt him. When they met again things started getting awkward cuz she got taller she looked more grown up and she was holding a painting the painting his gf told him about in the letter and he thought that maybe the painting was for him maybe there’s a chance but from her reaction he could tell that wasn’t the case and then his gf told him they were going to a place to have fun so he thought maybe his friend was gonna meet the guy there and give him the painting and he’s not jealous about it i mean why would he be jealous of his bff dating someone that wasn’t him he shouldn’t be jealous anyway so no he doesn’t care about it at all or at least that’s what he’s tellling himself. Things weren’t going as good as he thought they were gonna go and his friend was barely looking at him and she seemed annoyed and she was barely talking to him and then things got even worse and then got  into a fight about the missed communication between them about how he should’ve called more and he should’ve told her about all the days he spent trying to talk to her but he doesn’t and when she asks him what happened between them he hoped that maybe she wasn’t talking about their friendship maybe she was hoping for something more too but then he remembered about that stupid and about how he shouldn’t get his hopes up for nothing so he tells her that they’re friends even though he knows that he’s doing that to convince himself that they’re always gonna be friends nothing else is gonna happen between them even if it hurt thinking about it. Then he got into a fight with his gf and she asked him if he even loved her anymore and ofc he does i mean she’s his gf why wouldn’t he? except that he knew that wasn’t the truth he knew he’s been lying to her for months probably even years but he couldn’t risk hurting her again by telling her those things he couldn’t do that to her. After that he talked to his friend he apologized to her about what happened and told him that things weren’t the same without her and he knows that he left some details out but that was enough and then he said it again he said that they’re friends, best friends even as if pretending those feelings weren’t there was gonna make them disappear. Then the girl gave him a painting the same painting he saw at the airport and it was for him it actually was for him he has a chance and he has a painting to put in his house like all the drawings his friends ever made but then she girl spoke again and told him that this painting was actually from his gf which made his smile disappear cuz oh so the painting wasn’t for a boy she liked it wasn’t even from her.. then she spoke again and told him things that made him think back to what they talked about earlier and it made him think what if what if the painting was actually from her what if she feels the same way but she’s too scared of saying it? And then here he is trying to break up with his gf trying to find the right words trying not to hurt her but then he gets interrupted and the topic changes so he thought that it was best if he talked to her about it later and he would’ve had more time to think about the right words to use. Things started going bad and his friend reminded him about what they talked about earlier and he realized that those words weren’t from her the painting wasn’t from her and now he had to act quickly cuz things kept getting worse so he tells his gf things that he thought she wanted to hear things he thought would help her things that his “friend” told him earlier cuz he had to he felt that he owned it to her after hurting her like that and he does love her but not in the way she wants him to he really tried to but it wouldn’t work he tried to be a good bf he tried to he really did but it woldn’t work cuz he knew he was lying to her and to himself but what else was he supposed to do? break up with her and hurt her again and losing her again? tell his friend to the truth and losing her again? losing 2 people he really cares about just by one action? no he couldn’t let that happen. After what he told her his gf still won’t talk to him he didn’t lnow why tho he thought he fixed that he thought things were ok between them again but what he doesn’t know is that she knows she knows he lied she knows what’s actually happening she knows and she’s mad about it but not because of whats’s the actual truth but because he’s still lying to her because he doesn’t trust her enough to tell her about it 

[namelessjordan]

Tbh! It took me 15 years to realize I wasn't straight & 1 year to realize that it was okay not to be straight & that 1 year hurt so bad. Heteronomativity is bullshit. What sucks is that I still have to catch myself bc this is a hard mindset to break from.

Heteronormativity is so ingrained in us from childhood that little girls can’t even recognise when they have little crushes on other girls, and that’s why being gay is seen as an “adult” thing; only when you’re old enough to reason critically are you able to recognise the crushes you had as a child. There’s no such thing as being too young to be gay, but there is such thing as being too young to fully understand heteronormativity.