#hes so grateful... of nice people....
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ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ 「 @lee-sol liked for a starter !! 」
nagisa felt so silly asking the barista for a special request... he didn't want to sit there and watch them make his drink without asking. he knew how it felt to service workers to have customers hover over them as if they'd do something wrong. but... after his mother slipping things into his food, and takaoka spiking the drinks, he was— rightfully anxious. he still remembered, slowly, eyes getting heavy as he ebbed off and fell off his chair, head hitting the floor. in resemblance, remembering the throbbing fever his classmates had and coughing up blood and being almost lifeless.
the fear of his food being tampered with grew and grew, he didn't know if he had any stray enemies even after the assassination. but... this kid, was just a kid, about two years older than him maybe working their job and trying to get through the day. nagisa was... on a break from in person school after everything, the media made it hard for him to even get around public without someone noticing him. he was in a blue hoodie pulled over his head hiding his pigtails, a gray tank top under it, and a pair of tan knee long shorts.
but after all the hardships... nagisa was still just a fifteen year old kid... who wanted a sugary latte while he sat in the back and did his homework for his online courses. the other was... so patient with him, nagisa offered a sheepish smile and bowed his head as he grabbed the cup with both hands once it was done. his food of choice also coming out quite quickly was a bit catching him off guard. refusing to leave his drink behind out of fear, he walked back over with it in hand as he grabbed his croissant and bubble waffle.
scampering back to a table and grabbing his laptop out of his bag, he put his wireless headphones in and from behind the screen... still went to test his food and drink quickly. what if something was done behind the employee's back and he didn't know... nagisa had to be sure. a few test strips and some waiting later... a sigh of content exhaled as he finally took a sip of his drink. he sat there for... maybe three and a half hours, ordering two more drinks and testing them each time before he'd indulge. watching the other make the drink each time after he'd ask sheepishly and stand on his toes to get a good look over the counter.
finally finishing up his homework... nagisa tossed out all but one cup and packed up all his things neatly back into his bag. pausing his music, the smaller hesitated and stood in place for a moment fiddling with the cup that he slipped... quite a large tip into. going up to the register, nagisa sheepishly waited for the other to come back to him, hands trembling before setting down the cup with the lid on it to kinda hide the money in it.
❝ please, if you could, i uh— inside the cup... thank you. ❞ he looked like he was going to fall apart right there and left, trying to scamper out quicker than he walked up to the counter for sure. he didn't want the other to try and stop him or return the money... tips weren't a thing here sure, but, this was his first time trying to eat in public again. and he really appreciated the patience and small gesture and not brushing his concerns off.
#「⑆」 i wonʼt say a word until you stop breathing 🗡️ in character 「⑆」#「⑆」 it has more to do with me killing him than it ever did protecting myself 🗡️ closed rp 「⑆」#「⑆」 youʼll stay as a reminder of how fucked this world can be 🗡️ post verse 「⑆」#poison mention /#drugging mention /#abuse mention /#nagisa youre a blessing for asking before you just stare at someone work#i hate that shit when i make someone's food when i worked food service and they'd just stare at me#please you don't have to match length i just have so much to say ab this kids trauma askfjaks#hes so grateful... of nice people....#lee sol
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thug beatdown round 2: electric boogaloo
(extras, cw flashing gif:)
alt:
the fit:
#tim drake#dc#sart#cw flashing#im grateful to the femme tim people for indulging me bc im back on my bullshit#long hair tim!!! LONG HAIR TIM!!!#if dick can have a long hair moment so can tim#further#as a canonical nightwing fan i think tim would at some point try to emulate that (also as a possible successor to the mantle)#(altho the nightwing!damian to batman!cass art i saw once also lives rent free in my mind)#AND if we track the progression of tim's hair from robin to red robin#this is the natural conclusion#in this essay i will—#aside but altho the only time i've seen jack drake drinking in the comics it was beer#we're gonna pretend he was fond of whiskey for the Aesthetic#also traditional upper class white man things#and tim drinks whiskey as a begrudging homage to the father he never really got to share drinks with beyond that one time he got magically#aged up#((i got a new dress and i thought tim would look nice in it))#god i can finally think about other things now
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The worst part about playing rdr2 again is knowing who's going to die, how they're going to die, when they're going to die, and not be able to do a single thing about it
#sorry I'm just thinking about lenny and sean a lot#they're so full of life#sean is always cheering people up and talking about whatever nonsense he talks about#he fills the silence#lenny is always chirpy and keeping himself busy with reading but is always happy to talk#kieran too#he was always nice even when everyone was cruel to him or picking on him#he did chores and helped with the horses and did whatever he was told#and was grateful for it#nobody fucking noticed when he disappeared apart from mary beth#nobody got to mourn sean#but lenny and hosea both got what they wanted#they were buried with friends#I miss them so much its why I'm still on chapter two because everything's okay for now#micah is still in jail everyone's happy#its hard#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#mick squeaks#arthur morgan#lenny summers#sean macguire#kieran duffy#molly saying “I love you dutch” and getting a “thank you dear” in return makes my blood boil#oh molly
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do you know why vale seems to have a soft spot for pedrosa?
there's not any single one reason, I don't think, but here's are a few contributing factors that come to mind:
history! in large part because of the honda link, dani's the alien he's known the longest... valentino was the number one honda rider at a time at which dani was honda's rising star. photo on the right is from the 2001 honda celebrations at the last race of the season (when dani was sixteen); from oxley's valentino rossi: all his races: "that night vale celebrated in style at a raucous honda victory party, where he taught honda youngsters daijiro kato and dani pedrosa how to drink". they've known each other forever! valentino was getting teenage dani drunk! quite natural to be fond of someone you've seen grow up like that, even if they are being moulded to be your next big rival
circumstance! the way it basically works with valentino is that if you want to have a feud with him, you generally need to have a title fight with him when you’re already ‘established’ rivals (ignore marc, that’s its own thing, 2015 is a freaky season). biaggi and valentino were enemies headed into 2001 and then were worse enemies, he was cool with sete in year one but not year two, mostly *wiggles hand* the same with casey and jorge… feuds aren't build overnight. valentino and dani weren’t ever really direct title rivals - closest they got was 2006 and 2008, but in both cases valentino probably didn’t see dani as his main problem that year. there wasn't really any competitive necessity for valentino to get nasty... also with one or two notable exceptions, valentino did kinda have dani handled in their actual wheel-to-wheel fights, which let’s face it probably didn’t hurt
yapping! so this is just a theory but it’s one I believe strongly in. you know how valentino loves to talk, right? the thing about pressers and podiums is that you're always going to have a few regular attendees, if you will, corresponding to the front runners in any given year. now, unfortunately for valentino, there were periods of time where almost every other regular attendee was someone he had pretty active beef with. that doesn’t mean he always avoided yapping at them, but relatively speaking you want a guy you can build up some good repartee with to pass the time. dani was his guy… less complicated than casey and jorge, plus dani is polite enough to go along with it and maybe even enjoy chatting to valentino (it’s been known to happen). pressers can be boring and at podiums you're still full of adrenaline, valentino wants to share a joke with someone! my completely unscientific sense is that valentino does this a lot with dani around 2008-ish to 2012, then for two years marc is the number one yap victim, then for a while it’s a bit…? oddly valentino does seem to chat quite a lot with jorge in 2015... he likes to throw in a quirky behavioural pattern sometimes to keep you guessing. anyway then in 2016 he is Actively Ignoring two of these men so vale goes!! hi there dani!! and takes it from there (though the field is more mixed up post-2015 so he becomes more of an opportunistic yapper). in general, valentino will chat to pretty much anyone with A Few Exceptions, but he does usually have a bit of an order of preference
dani’s personality! now, obviously dani is very much capable of feuds, but he’s not that naturally combative a character. valentino generally needs a competitive justification for beef, though some personal animosity can help too… but he never really hated any of that trio of young riders to come through. valentino's known dani forever, he’s been around dani a fair bit because of their respective statuses in the sport, dani isn’t going out of his way to pick fights with valentino, so no reason not to get on! he does clearly quite like chatting to dani and seems pretty fond of him even towards the start of the alien era, at a time in which it was broadly expected that dani not casey would emerge as vale's primary challenger... god knows if the relationship would have soured if dani had assumed that mantle (probably at least a little lol) but failing that, valentino does just seem to quite like him. y’know, sometimes it’s like that
They Have Also Had Their Disagreements, But There Hasn’t Been Much Cause For It To Escalate Further. these disagreements have tended to be over racing standards, where dani is generally in the ‘you people are all insane’ camp and valentino is generally in the ‘ah it’s fine’ camp (though, obviously, there is nuance here… cf vale also criticising sic over the le mans 2011 incident that left dani with the broken collarbone). generally, they don't get into direct conflict over it, more of an underlying difference in positions (hey, aragon 2013 is an example)... but there’s been dani’s suggestion that valentino’s sepang 2015 stance is inconsistent with his generally laissez faire approach, and also some other isolated little scuffles over the years like say 2017 aragon (see below). pretty small scale stuff in the grand scheme of things and if you've been on-track rivals for that long it's kinda inevitable you'll eventually disagree about some stuff, but perhaps worth bringing up
went through all of the alien combos in my head and these two slot in just behind dani/casey as probably the two most consistently beef-free inter-alien relationships? dani/casey gets extra credit for surviving The Teammate Test. but, y'know, the thing about valentino is that he's a sociable, outgoing guy... he likes talking to people... he's actually interested in them... he's a decent conversationalist, easy to get on with, all that stuff. so if you expose valentino to this nice fella who at most was like... perhaps a bit more reserved towards the start of his time in the premier class (partly due to his mentor's approach), but really was generally pretty chill... well, if valentino isn't given any reason to hate dani, then default state is that he won't. good on them etc
#valentino took the team dani or team jorge thing too seriously and had already decided he hated jorge based on vibes#so he was like oh i guess i’ll be a dani fan. he just pretended not to notice the reconciliation... in his head they're both still beefing#valentino paid dani off for estoril 2006 and he’s been nice to him ever since to keep him quiet#not because he's worried everyone will know he tried to rig the title but because he's embarrassed it didn't work#valentino had a long con planned to use dani to psychologically torment jorge but their reconciliation scuppered his schemes#valentino felt so guilty about not offering dani the chair he brought to the sepang 2006 podium#DESPITE dani’s knee being fucked that he’s been trying to repent ever since#valentino got really excited at jerez 2008 to stand on a podium where the other two were the ones involved in an active feud....#a feud rekindled by dani's refusal to shake jorge's hand at qatar. so vale's always been grateful to dani for this special experience#valentino has such poor posture that the natural incline of his back makes it easy for him to talk right into dani's ears#valentino said in his autobiography he finds short people funny when they're angry. dani’s short and was weird around jorge#valentino had a feud arc planned with dani for 2010 (he wanted a different one every year) but broke his leg and never got round to it#brr brr#//#batsplat responds#alien tag#in all seriousness if there is a silver bullet reason they get on that i've never come across please feel free to write in#need to just make sure everyone has noticed sete in the background of that 2006 photo. has everyone seen him
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it's basically the same explanation as in the manga, but the anime has made it easier for me to understand what Kabru's beef is with the Touden siblings, and I think that explanation was really well done
#in the manga i was like 'he doesnt like them... because they give their money away??'#but here its much clearer. he doesn't like them because they just straight up funded an underground crime ring#and they didn't know and kabru knows they didn't know#but it's that lack of thought of what the consequences might be of their actions that he really doesnt like#and its such a nice breakdown of a complicated situation#because WE have spent the entire last season falling in love with these siblings and their autistic tendencies#but kabru's brand of neurodivergence is figuring out how people work and understanding social dynamics#he cares so deeply about the dangers a dungeon brings to the humans involved#and understanding how everyone inside and outside a dungeon does what they do and why#and then these two very capable tallmen siblings waltz into town... and they just dont give a shit#they're changing the social environment so much without giving it any thought. thats got to be incredibly grating#/I/ find it annoying when people wont think critically about things i love to think critically about!!#anyway. i love kabru. i love that we're going to start seeing more of him. love that the anime fans are going to fall in love with him too#if they havent already
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me, before visiting star wars galaxy’s edge: okay. so you loved the force awakens as a teenager and imprinted on kylo ren for various understandable reasons, but you are 25 years old now and the sequel trilogy was disappointing post-tfa and you have not watched a star wars since you saw the rise of the skywalker, once, in theaters. you will not get that sentimental at this theme park, it will be normal and fine.
me, visiting star wars galaxy’s edge: 🥹😏🥰👍
#forgot that i also got very attached to chewbacca bc he reminded me of my childhood dog#and teenage years dog that little guy got me through some shit#i told myself i was not doing the lightsaber thing i have NO REASON to own a lightsaber but then my dad kinda talked me into it#this was my first vacation in 5 years and i live on my own so i’m normally pretty self-limiting with expenses#it was really nice to experience something so special and i’m very grateful :)#tbh i’m kinda sad about the way the sequel trilogy is regarded now it had so much potential and a lot of people cared about it#if i had all the time in the world i would make one of those super long video essays unpacking what i loved and what i would change#sw
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ahh i miss having a friend group to play games with. my first was my cousins and their friends but i always felt outcasted and the second group was my ex partner/friend/idk what we were and his friends and i just never fit but the moments where there WAS fun?? i miss that
#🍊.txt#i just have never really fit into a group or felt like i belonged or was wanted there??#like i put on the streamer i adore and hes playing the new wow exp and i have no idea whats going on#bc im out of the loop with wow but hes playing with a friend and its so nice and theyre having so much fun#and i just want that too#people to do things with again#like an actual circle of friends who want me there#and to do it all with me#not having friends who have the same interests and hobbies and who are excited to do those with you hurts sometimes man#i have no irl friends#like actually#just coworkers who are all way older than me and do not care about my interests#i have mutuals here and stuff but#and im grateful for that though
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something really nice about today was that I really got to take care of people!!! we had a few pts who were clearly very nervous and a gentleman who wasn't able to verbally communicate, but my job was to make them comfortable and make sure they felt okay and take care of them, and I really felt like I did that. and usually I don't get to see that because I don't typically work with patients I can talk to and receive feedback from, so it was really rewarding in a lovely way I don't often experience. surgery is scary and puts people in a very vulnerable position, especially if you've had traumatic medical experiences before, so. it feels good to be a positive caretaking force in the system. as much as I'm able to
#the older gentleman was clearly very grateful for us and I could with a lot of confidence tell even tho he couldn't verbalize it#and he liked that I was holding his hand when he was going to sleep! it's nice to have someone beside you when you have a procedure done#and one of the other pts was cold but a little shy to admit it so I brought more blankets for her#and that felt so good...like as stressful as this job can be I do feel like I'm making a direct impact on people#and change their immediate surroundings to drastically to ones that service them better#MAN. it was really nice#I hope that they're doing okay in that last room. everytbing seemed fine it was just a lot going on#cor.txt
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m oving to spend the week in fagsville All is well
#it was really nice there#i got scared driving over bc i saw trump flags#but then i saw more pride flags in one place Than i have over my entire life time And so many cool people#the mayor of the place is literally a “gay lesbian with purple hair” <- words of my bro#i guess i shouldve known he wouldn't move somewhere crazy. he said he raised his gay sister there too. which is a funny sentence LMAO#but so sweet#my dad n i are gonna stay there together bc driving an hour both ways isn't smn they didnt want me to have to do#they kinda freake dme out bc they wanted me to decide right away#we're gonna have to move my computer and stuff though which is a bitch and a half#my dad's buff though so whatever#it's gonna be great i'm excited very grateful
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~ ~ ~
#today I am sad about something that I know objectively is dumb#my 30th birthday is next week and the party will be next Saturday and I’m having a dinner at a nice restaurant in town#I wasn’t supposed to make it to 30 and never thought I would but now somehow I have and so this birthday is like…#a really huge deal to me you know#and I always wanted to be able to have a big party to celebrate this specific occasion and in my head I pictured all my friends/family there#I figured this would be one of the biggest parties I’d ever get to throw because to me this is the biggest milestone I’ve gotten to so far#but out of all the people I’ve invited the most that will probably reasonably show is about 10#and even that’s a bit iffy because tbh I’m pretty sure my bestie will flake on me like he always does#and if he doesn’t show up that might just end the friendship but that’s another matter entirely#also iffy because I haven’t gotten a lot of responses still even though I made the event and sent invites two weeks ago#I just… thought I had more friends than that if that makes sense#like I had bigger parties with more people attending in high school and I barely had any friends then#I’ve thrown low key Halloween parties in my mom’s apartment that had more people show up#now I’m at the most important moment of my life (so far) and I’ll barely have anyone with me#lately it just feels like less and less people care about me for real despite how many I know around work or how many are on my Facebook#it feels like my world keeps shrinking and I really don’t want that because it’s been small enough as it is#I just feel like I’m never really going to find my place or have big groups of friends like everyone else#I’m never going to have a group of friends or people I can rely on to spend time with me when needed#as it is planning things gets harder the older we get anyway just due to needing to tend to adult life#guess I still just want what everyone else has and I don’t know why I can’t have those things#and I know it’s stupid and selfish and whiny but I really want to cry because I’m so depressed that I have barely anyone in my life at all#barely anyone to celebrate something so important to me and so few who even seem to care at all either#I’m grateful for everyone I do have honestly#but that doesn’t offset this weird pain in my chest over this whole situation#maybe I should just curl up and cry until this all passes and I can go back to pretending it doesn’t matter#personal
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hope everyone’s had/is having a lovely day so far!! 🥺💗 here is some extra love!!!
#what’s smth that u’re grateful for today!!!#mine r good conversations and kind people 🥺#bought matcha this morning and the barista was so nice!! 🥺#i asked if he could remove the sugar and he rllY DID a lot of places will usually lie and say theres no sugar akksksks but#when i drink it its super sweet.. so wdym theres no sugar BUT ANYWAY#he drew a lil heart after my name too!!!! 🥺 makes me wanna experience being a barista some day so i can write cute things on peoples cups!#and hopefully make their days 🫶🏻#an establishment also let us use their parking while we bought coffee 🥺#and and!! a good friend i haven’t hung out with in a while dropped by!! to spend time w us for my bf’s bday (we r a group)#and!!!!!!! had dinner with my bf’s family and i love his parents so much 🥺#they’ve always been so so welcoming and kind to me !!! rlly showering me in so much love 🥺 and conversations over dinner were so nice !!!#i can ask them anything i’m curious abt and they’ll always answer sincerely#his mom is also a finance god i think … she always has so much wisdom when it comes to finances ajsnsjs#anyway!! thats me rambling!!! i am full of love today!!! so i want to pass it on!!#i talked so much again
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#it's my last shift in 2 days and then i'm leaving this job i'm actually so happy i no longer has to work there! 🎉#i need to find a new one asap of course but i never had energy to do so on my off days so i'll focus on that now#i've endured the hardest shifts with freezing -25-30 °C where the heater conditioner did absolutely nothing#shifts with the roof leaking trying to not let the orders of customers get wet constantly wiping shelves throughout 2 days on top#of everything i has to do#these past 2 days sewage system froze and i had no water to wash my hands or use the restroom properly..🤦♀️#i know the wet hand wipes are bad for ecology but man they continously saved me and also i had to wash my hands using water from kettle and#i had to do it outside freezing of course because the sink and restroom are in another building and i didnt have time to constantly walk#there.. and this on top of 2 last weeks of december being especially batshit crazy stressful and having heated karen encounters each shift.#and it was so hard on me because i am a nonconfrontational person and i don't like arguing with people#but i learned so much in these months of working there and for that experience i am still grateful :")#it's bittersweet that i won't see the friendly regulars that were always kind to me anymore tho 😔 and my coworker came yesterday#and we spoke for like an hour or so and he said he is is sad that i'm leaving because i'm such a nice person and a great coworker 🥺#ngl this made me sad too but life goes on.. he said he'll be leaving in a month too#said he didn't think that i'll leave first 😂#i woke up almost an hour ago from 3 bg3 related dreams in a row btw 😂🤦♀️ i need to play 🙈 ok i need to get up first..😭#tbd
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why are they laughing at him as he gets straight up killed??? he doesn't deserve this! he's a sweet kid at heart! he literally just needs one (1) real friend!!
#jack facts#willow and xander and tara all got that exact type of chance and you could argue the same is true for cordelia and anya!#and why don't we just not even start in on angel#like jonathan went from attempted suicide to so grateful for one moment of attention he created a whole award to give about it#to IN ONE YEAR becoming so powerful a witch he seamlessly altered the perception of the entire population of the world#without any adverse effects to himself and only the one (1) flaw that is inherent to the spell he used#to all but instantly giving up that power when he realized it posed danger (that he understood) to people#to feeling genuine remorse for doing that even tho he needed it explained to him why they were so upset#and making every apparent effort to learn that with humility and offer whatever wisdom he could in return#to... this.#like why tf didn't anybody say hey man are you doing alright after being suicidal?#hey man the spell you did was wrong but that doesn't mean you can't do magic anymore why don't we meet up sometimes and study together#or better yet he could have mcfuckin joined the coven god damn#like they went from witch being a relatively gender neutral combo of innate talent and learned skill in early seasons#to now we're supposed to forget the boy willow and amy did spells with in hs + the fact that giles himself was in an all male coven#and even believe that only Special Girls like willow and tara can do any significant amount of real magic at all#why on earth is willow the biggest witch of ever and started out floating pencils and then having a whole plotline#about learning to use her power ethically and control herself and practice temperance and etc#AND anya gets to be a good guy even though she has to be taught about ethics and consent and compassion and all that too#but jonathan's thing is being soul crushingly lonely and having no self esteem but being incredibly sweet once given the time of day#and is instead relegated to two bit loser villain?#why because he's the Actually Uncool type of unpopular instead of the Too Smart And Nice To Be Popular type of unpopular?#makes me sick he literally just needs a friend. just one genuine friend who cares about him personally. that's all.#and it's not like they're doing a ''this is what happens to vulnerable kids when no one cares about them!'' thing which would be different#no they're just like lol he's unpopular like our protags but he's also short with a nasally voice! which means he's bad!#once again i swearrrrr i'm not doing armchair psych on a creator based on the content of their work#please i swearrrrrrrrrrrr i'm not doing that i prommy i know it doesn't work that wayyy i knowwwww#don't worry about ittt i'm so totally definitely not doing that at allllll#anyway
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i have been working with kids for four years and i had to write my first ever note just now about a seventh grade boy being inappropriate towards me. i don't know what the hell this could possibly lead to or what. he was trying to feel my legs repeatedly to the point where i had to stop sitting next to him (and i was subbing for his one-to-one para!!!). he's got high support needs. in that kind of job, you're supposed to sit next to them all day and look over their work.
the teacher whose classroom this was happening in could also tell something was wrong. the whole class was acting kinda crazy because it was the day before school vacation week and there was another class coming in to share projects. so like, he was swamped with keeping order already. but we were sitting two feet away from his podium at the front of the room. the kid was giving him and me a hard time when he wouldn't take out his chromebook as he was instructed. and then when he did take out his chromebook, he immediately, for some reason, places it on my lap. he had been ogling my legs the whole time. he puts his computer ON MY LAP. and i'm just like, stunned, because what the hell? can you not keep it on your own lap, for some reason? i don't even know what to say, i just hold it a little above my lap while i'm thinking why on earth would this be happening? he would NOT do this to his regular para if she were here, would he? this can't be normal.
and the teacher sees this and within a minute places a stool in front of the kid for him to put his laptop on. and i'm like. oh ok. yeah. he notices exactly what's happening and that that's not appropriate. and then when the other class comes in to share projects he tells me "miss b——, you don't actually have to sit next to c—— this whole period if you don't want to." and he grabs me a chair for me to go sit with the other paras in the back opposite corner of the room. like he KNEW. and thank you mr. d—— for recognizing that because i was just kind of shocked and didn't know if i was overreacting in my head to all of this.
when there's a point in the class where the kids are discussing stuff, i privately mention what's happened to the para who's sitting closest to me. and she says that the thing about him calling me pretty is something he's been known to do, but the fact that he kept trying to touch my legs is new behavior. and that's a completely different class of behavior. i was telling him NO, don't do that, and he kept doing it. and the fact that he was calling me pretty repeatedly, even when i was giving him instructions that he wasn't taking. and this is the second to last class before the end of the day, so she says she'll take a walk with him before learning center and talk to him about it, and i'm grateful for that. she does. the kid apologizes to me as soon as i come into learning center. but like. WHAT the hell.
i'm STILL like what the hell. this is unfathomable to me. the other adults who i told about this or who witnessed it were supportive of me. but. what to do??? i wrote a long note to his regular para about this, because i knew she was going to hear about it at least from the first para i told. the second para i told about it after school had a kind of... i'm not gonna say enabling reaction, but i suppose since it had already been "taken care of" (or at least, he had been spoken to and apologized) she didn't really have much to add in the way of discipline. i told her what happened after school and she was just like... a little bit, laughing? like oh, yup, that dog. she at the very least confirmed he KNEW what he was doing, that that was not an accident. she said to me "i had a feeling he was going to develop a crush on you" (me and these other paras were together for most of the beginning of the day too). but it's like. it's not about that.
i have worked with children for FOUR years. children have had crushes on me before; i'm quite unfazed by it. boys from the ages of 5-to-15 have told me i'm so pretty before and asked me to marry them. i've never had them feeling up my legs before. i've never had them making me physically uncomfortable. it's NOT about this seventh grader having a crush on the pretty substitute. he is NOT unusual for that, at all. but i've never had a boy of any age or education level repeatedly touching my knees and thighs. THAT is problem behavior!!!
because what if i wasn't assertive enough with him to tell him to stop? what if i was a girl his age? worse, what if i was an adult who encouraged this behavior? i don't come to the middle school to be a seductress. i had no intention in putting on a pair of tights and a skirt this morning of being viewed as an attractive object, especially not by a pubescent boy. what if i did though? what if his interpretation of me wasn't so incorrect and offensive? what if i let him keep touching me inappropriately and saying flirtatious things to me? me, an adult in my mid-twenties, towards a middle school boy?
in no world would that be ok. if i had been feeling up and overly-complimenting a CHILD at my place of work, holy shit would there be reports about me. so a child acting that way could never be ok either. if it'd be firable for me to be reciprocating that action, then that action should not be happening to me. ever. and that child should never repeat that action again to any other adult again.
like i am simply not there to be treated as an attractive young woman. i put on a skirt that shows too much knee and get paired with a boy, though, and that's apparently just a natural consequence. hooo-ly shit. like i don't know what to do. first of all, the more time passes since this has happened, the more i am just unable to stop thinking about it. i wasn't "hurt" or too emotional in the moment but i'm just still processing it and it gets worse. i'm just more and more disgusted.
i don't know what i expect to come out of this, or the email i sent to his regular para. like, am i gonna have to attend a fucking meeting? what is the precedent that this sets for him? WHY do i feel BAD for him about this? well, because he's a child, of course. a child who has done wrong he may not be able to understand. but he knows WHAT he did. he just doesn't know WHY it was wrong.
and i couldn't even say something to him that was like, "well, how would you like it if i was touching you like this?" because young boys do not understand how inappropriate it'd be. i'm sure this kid thought he was gonna get away with what he was doing at the very least. but probably not unlikely he (being a child with no concept of how wrong it'd be) thought he could get some sort of "positive" attention for treating me like this. either way he was simply doing what he wanted to do, with no perspective of how it would make me feel or that it could be classified as harassment. teenage boys think it'd be awesome if the older attractive woman would reciprocate their affections. they're wrong. i, as the older attractive woman of his affection, cannot be the one to convince him of that, though.
i don't know. i don't know. like it's just so not ok. but if i didn't tell another adult about this, he would've gotten away with it. he would probably do it again. and him being in trouble for it is not the same as him understanding that it was wrong. unless someone has a REAL talk with him about inappropriate attention and consent, it's not unlikely that he'll just repeat the behavior in a setting where he thinks he won't be caught or told on. THAT'S the problem. me, i could just never have to be this boy's para again. in my email, i didn't say that i would never be ok working with or around him ever again. he already knows i didn't like it and i'm not afraid to tell on him; as far as that lesson applies to me, individually, i think he's become too ashamed to repeat that.
i don't know. i don't know. i very much expressed that i, i guess, "forgave" him in the email that i wrote. i clarified that i was writing it for the sake of having it on the record. i think that could potentially be very important for the purposes of preventing further similar or escalating behavior from him in the future. i don't want him to be in trouble. i don't think i will be blamed for this, especially not with how promptly i acted, although i don't know to what extent this will be framed as me thinking i'm a "victim." i'm not... i don't feel victimized. i feel disgusted. i feel afraid for the sake of what could happen to or with him in the future, if he thinks behavior like his towards me today is ok.
i feel like if i end up having to further respond to this, this will be made about me. in a way it kind of was. is? in the moment it was happening, it was certainly about me. because i was the one this boy was giving all this unwanted attention to. but to make the consequences of this about me and to involve me any further, i also don't want. because i said what i said already, i don't care if a student has a crush on me. this isn't about me being the pretty substitute. i'm the pretty substitute all the time, to tons of people. that's not really something i've been concerned about up until now.
but do i have to reexplain my personal embarrassment? that i was wearing a skirt? that he was ogling my legs? really? what more do i have to gain from sharing that, other than having the adults at my place of work confirm or deny me in their heads as the pretty substitute? i don't know. perhaps that's REALLY overthinking it. but i don't want to be the substitute that caused a problem for this special ed kid. i don't wanna be the reason that he can't be around me anymore, the person people think of when they're monitoring how he's acting around girls and young women. i DON'T want to be the one people think of when they think of his past misbehavior. i'm NOT here for that.
that's just fucking humiliating. and in this being a thing that could follow him, i have to be ogled and touched over and over again in people's minds for this to be taken seriously. but for this to be swept under the rug would be even worse, no? i don't know. i hate this. the principal is a nice guy; i wouldn't be surprised if he and/or people from the special ed department reached out to me sympathetically about this. but i don't wanna be reached out to. i don't wanna have ppl i work with tell me "sorry that kid was just so attracted to you he couldn't help himself" like come on. if the kid himself doesn't change then i don't really care to remember this incident. and no one reaching out to me and saying they've talked to this kid will actually prove to me he understands. this is the kind of inappropriate behavior it takes years for people to understand why it was wrong, especially a child who has no idea. i mean come on.
#tales from diana#long post#sorry i should probably put this under a read more but it was just a long stream of consciousness#and idk. im tired. im so tired#do you wanna be known as the substitute teacher a kid kept touching inappropriately? probably not#thank god for the first para i told bc she took it really seriously seemingly. i mean idk what she told him in their conversation#not EXACTLY what she told him. she obviously said this was wrong and she reiterated in learning center again#that if that were her daughter she'd be through the roof and that she'd be telling his regular para#i mean of course i had to tell the regular para directly. i would rather it come from my mouth#i'm the one who has the most information of how and why it happened. i think other ppl telling it would just reduce it to#'he thought she was so pretty and he kept staring at and touching her legs cuz she wore a skirt' like come on#the indignity of that!#i already feel undignified enough.#and also thank god for the social studies teacher. the more im processing this the more im like thank god#i dont know him well. he had already been a nice dude to me before in my interactions w him#like as a sub you notice the people who are really affirming of the strange and irregular work you do#earlier this week i was subbing for the math teacher across the hall for instance and he came in before class started and said#that if anyone's giving me a hard time to just send them to him. bc that group can be a little rowdy/wild#my classroom discipline skills are not that bad where i felt the need to have someone more experienced defend me so to speak#like i know i look young and am assumed to be new. but with most classes. i can handle most misbehavior#i can put my foot down in a way kids normally respect. i know how to keep em on task#and for MOST of the day with this kid that's what i was doing. but if that social studies teacher hadn't done what he did#i might not feel so bold in just straight up walking away from that kid. after saying stop stop stop repeatedly#like he had his own job to do independent of me but i remember the gestures and like. i could cry. he KNEWWWW#that's just a very trustworthy person i feel. he didn't want me to suffer through that any longer#a lot of teachers (unfortunately) largely ignore the kids with paras and/or expect the paras to communicate to the kid exclusively#that teacher is not like that. he was willing to mind that boy while i escaped that situation. so so grateful to him
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Hellll nooooooo😭😭😭😭😭
#OK BUT i kind of went crazy like thats literally him i think#i b so bored in first period i was on gacha this morning like my life depended on it i had a Vision#i made garroth too but he looks so stupid he’s hidden away😭😭#IMMA POST THE REST OF MU GACHAS THEY ARE ACTYALLY SO AWESOME#I never had a gacha phase as a pre teen and decided it’s never too late like last month before downlaoding#IDK WHY I EAS NEVER ON THIS IN FIFTH WHEN LIKE EVERYONE ELSE WAS THIS APP IS SO FUN#i literally go to the best high school ever and have the best friends ever literally no one cares what cringe ass thing people do#ive neverhad to feel ashamed abt my corny interests and imma b real i literally wouldn’t even have any corny interests if everyone wasn’t so#nice like😭😭😭😭It’s an encouraging environment u would NEVER see me doing this stuff in middle school i think it’s like the County school vibe#Sorry i got side tracked kind of I WISH I COULD TALK ABOUT HOW GENKUENLY GRATEFUL I AM ON TWT BUT I FEEL LIKE THATS SO SAPPY like no one#is thinking abt it that deeply but I AM im SO HAPPY to be in a place where i’m cherished and appreciated and where people will listen to my#mcd rant during lunch even fhough they have no idea wtf im talking about like GUYS☹️☹️☹️❤️#ougghhhh shout out to class of 2025 and my School in general and mt Friends obviously i love fhem so much
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- 5SOS edit exchange -
5SOS as Stranger Things AU for Adi aka @sunfleursky
5/5 Ashton as Steve/Robin: the unassuming protector
I II III IV ...
#5sos edit exchange#adi <>#aria’s moodboards#and last but not least: ashton!#he’s the oldest guy in the gang#he’s the usually responsible one#but with the other guys? not so much#he welcomes calum with open arms and is grateful for someone who gets his shenanigans#he’s the one who wants to leave hawkins the most - he’s sick of the town he’s sick of the stuck up people he’s sick of sticking to rules#once things start happening he wants to rather just ignore it all but obviously can’t not help calum out#and his friends as well!#it’s somehow easiest for him to understand the enemies and figure them out#which is a nice help for calum#ashton’s who keeps the group together when it all threatens to fall apart#so that eventually they can solve the horror that haunts hawkins#… the end!
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