#hes on my dream blunt rotation list

[fizzie]

everyone deserves to play space funeral

[eggs-can-draw]

Shitty weed tier list I made on my phone

[dozydawn]

J.E.C. Virgo Mug, 1970s.

[isakvaltersnake]

things from the 2001 television programme band of brothers that haunt me to this day:

- we’re paratroopers lieutenant, we’re supposed to be surrounded. not to be your 60 year old military obsessed uncle about it but that line goes hard

- nix’s little giggle he does sometimes

- I’ll never forgive them for leaving gene’s medic training out of their training montage. in fact you know what? go back in time, film a parallel sequel of the other 9 eps from gene’s pov

- popeye’s “they called you guys too?” and the way his accent specifically scratches my brain

- they gave me moose heyliger and his massachusetts accent for like 20 minutes then the narrative snatched him away from me and i still miss him

- the way meehan looks at winters after he tells him to close the flap, in fact let’s talk about how every single one of winters’ commanders are obsessed with him in one way or another he truly is the it girl

- the chaos and fear that precedes gene and the calm and comfort that follows him

- I know everyone thinks “we’ll go to chicago, I’ll take you there” is the insane line but the one that actually makes me lose sleep is “what, and give up all this?” THAT MAN SAID I WOULD RATHER LIVE THROUGH THE HORRORS OF WAR THAN HAVE LIVED MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU

- alley is So Beautiful and I don’t think we collectively talk about it enough

- babe being some rando replacement in episode three and whilst his other replacement friends are being absolutely roasted he is immediately adopted by bill and then gets gene fucking roe of all people to connect to him?? he’s too powerful I need to study him

- speirs being this ghoulish terrifying boogeyman until lip is anywhere near him then he’s suddenly dimples and kicking his feet and giggling

- speaking of lip and speirs their little sarcastic in jokes, lip finishing speirs’ sentences fml it’s giving married

- you been working out? IN FRONT OF EVERYONE?? LIEB YOU SLUT?? THEN YOURE GONNA LAY IN HIS BED WAITING FOR HIM??? insane behaviour

- the unexplored but high potential friendships and the way I wanted like 16 more episodes for shifty and lip, nix and luz, nix and web, sisk and perconte, winters and gene, grant and tab, lieb and alley, speirs and harry, etc

- the more haggard and bitchy nix gets the hotter he gets. he also must be studied.

- “you should pack up those ears and go home” ok sobel kinda ate with that one ngl

- speaking of sobel the little confused/bewildered/piss-pants faces he makes david schwimmer the actor you are

- the silly little wide stance pennywise ass run hall does before he gets murked RIP king

- klepto speirs ilysm

- joe toye and his brass knuckles are v sexy

- sink letting nix give winters his oak leaves was very shipper girl of him

- lip harry nix speirs winters in the eagle’s nest dream blunt rotation

- the unsustainable amount of cunt served by nix, frank, babe, and luz at all times is truly a marvel

- tab really checked lip’s dick and balls mid battle and honestly that’s friendship

- bit parts for simon pegg, tom hardy, andrew scott, james mcavoy, michael fassbender, jimmy fallon ?? bob casting director you will always be famous

- peacock is so fine if he was even a little good at his job I’d be obsessed with him (special shout out to the scene of him getting sent home on furlough)

- I could list out every one of their meaningful little moments together but really it’s babe and gene just tethering and grounding each other and how they seem to gravitate to each other out of blind instinct? that’s some Brontë whatever our souls are made of bullshit I’m afraid

- ok I know I said I wasn’t talking about little meaningful moments but gene staring across the convent at where babe is sitting, lost in the peace

-bull in replacements getting imprinted on by a bunch of baby ducks and being SO PLEASED ABOUT IT he’s not the stepfather, he’s the father that stepped up

- speaking of, the underutilization of bull in the back half is such an out of character bad call

- you are officers, you are grown ups, you oughta know. HE’S RIGHT AND HE SHOULD SAY IT AND THAT’S ON GENE BEING THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO TELL OFF WINTERS

- I know nix and winters are married and whatever but the real married couple behaviour is luz constantly pissing off joe and joe immediately letting it go

- lip and speirs and their mutual competency kink

- I’M REAL SORRY FRANK skinny ilysm

[cosmerelists]

My Dream/Nightmare Blunt Rotation From Various Cosmere Series

Dream/Nightmare blunt rotation list requested by @waywardtoxotes

1. Stormlight Archive

Dream Rotation: Eshonai, Adolin, Rock, Shallan

Eshonai for delight and wonder, Adolin for good vibes and a sense of safety, Rock for excellent food and joviality, and Shallan for puns and good conversation.

Nightmare Rotation: Amaram, Nale, Lezian, Gavilar

Amaram is simply the worst, of course. Nale is the worst and ALSO a cop, so no one is having fun with him there. Lezian is an unstable murderer, so that's probably self-explanatory. Gavilar is like the Elon Musk of the Cosmere, thinking that he's cool and that his ideas are fire when neither of those things are true, and I do not want to hang out with him.

2. Elantris

Dream Rotation: Sarene, Raoden, and Kiin

I think Sarene & Raoden would be fun to smoke with, but I need someone else there so I don't feel like an awkward third wheel. Kiin would be jolly I think--and like with Rock, the snacks will be good.

Nightmare Rotation: Dilaf.

Doesn't matter who else is there. If Dilaf is there, the vibes are rancid.

3. Mistborn: Era 1

Dream Rotation: Vin, Allrianne, Tindwyl

Listen I just want to smoke weed with the ladies of Mistborn Era 1 and I will not apologize for it.

Nightmare Rotation: Elend's Philosophy Circle

I'm so sorry to this man, but I feel like they would just talk endlessly about politics and the Ideal State and I personally would find it annoying and insufferable. I still love you, Elend!

4. Mistborn: Era 2

Dream Rotation: Wayne, MeLaan, Marasi

Wayne & MeLaan: lots of ridiculous fun. They definitely know their drugs and want the vibe to be good. Marasi is there to make sure that Wayne & MeLaan don't take anything too far and/or don't just spend the whole time making out. I know Marasi is also a cop but I like her vibe with Wayne.

Nightmare Rotation: Wax, Telsin, Edwarn

Wax is not the problem here. But I just got chills imagining somehow being in a blunt rotation with Wax and his immediate family. It's all of the icy, rancid vibes of an awkward holiday dinner only everyone is smoking and it is not helping anyone relax.

5. Warbreaker

Dream Rotation: Lightsong, Blushweaver, Siri, Susebron

It's a Cosmere setting, so it will probably not turn into a weird orgy. But seriously, everyone of these characters would be fun to hang out with on their own, and all together it is a party.

Nightmare Rotation: Vasher, Vivenna, Parlin

Listen, Warbreaker Vivenna would be largely insufferable and would be determined to prove that she is not being affected by the weed even though she definitely is. That could maybe be okay on its own, but add Vasher for doom & gloom and Parlin for sitting quietly while Vivenna is vaguely mean to him, and you got a bad time.

6. Tress of the Emerald Sea

Dream Rotation: The whole damn ship (after Crow leaves; sorry Crow)

Give me a ship-wide party where everyone has just had dinner and now they're kicking back and passing around hopefully more than one blunt because there are a lot of Dougs.

Nightmare Rotation: The whole damn ship (but Crow is there)

Nothing destroys a party like the presence of that one person (who is actively trying to turn you into a murderer in order to control you; you know how it is)

7. Yumi and the Nightmare Painter

Dream Rotation: The Akane Squad

Akane, Tojin, Masaka, and Izzy? Lots of fun to smoke with, I have to imagine. Yumi will hopefully be there as well, and Nikaro can come post-reconciliation. Wait...let's have Design come too because she would LOVE experiencing weed. Hoid is there too but in coatrack form. I guess I just want to hang out with ALL of the Yumi characters!

Nightmare Rotation: Liyun.

Except Liyun. Fuck Liyun.

[mockerycrow]

Do you think the 141 is a dream blunt rotation or a nightmare blunt rotation. Maybe both??

I think soap and gaz would be funny, and I love him but ghosts mask would freak me out. I don’t think I could look at him. Price is a wildcard.

Also being around all these hot men while high would be intimidating.

They’d all be great drinking buddies though. Soap drinks everyone under the table. Try to keep up if you dare. (Please feel free to ignore this if you do not like or care about weed!)

[obvious warning for drug usage — specifically weed, and alcohol consumption.]

Definitely both dream and nightmare rotation, depending on what happened that day/week/month.

I feel like Soap is the type to point and gawk at Ghost’s mask, trying to get you to look at him but you genuinely cannot look at him 😭 you just freak out every time you see the skull and you nearly cry. Gaz definitely laughs at you at first but then it happens to him, too. Price occasionally dabbles in weed and when he does, he’s uncharacteristically talkative. Yes, Price talks a lot already but he’s rivaling both of the sergeants.

Ghost makes sure to just wear his normal black balaclava after realizing wearing his skull one isn’t probably the best. Ghost isn’t too different, but you can tell this man is relaxed. In his lane. Moisturized. Minding his business.

—

I feel like Soap can handle his alcohol most out of anyone, but it’s actually really hard to tell. Soap is obviously very very drunk, but the other three are so stoic in their own ways you can’t tell. Soap demands another round and Gaz, Price, and Ghost groan and deny. If you challenge him, though? Expect him to be excited. Very, very excited. He pays for every shot, no matter the drink, no matter the prices.

I feel like the list of who can handle their alcohol well is:

Soap

Price + Ghost are tied to me

Gaz. My boy is a light weight; personal headcanon!!

[goldenispunk]

Okay, since I’m an enjoyer of the devils lettuce, I thought I’d made my ✨dream blunt rotation✨ Supernatural edition !

1. Dean. I feel like this one just speaks for itself, he’d definitely know his shit. I know he’d keep everyone dying with laughter, as well as supplying the best munchies.

2. Gabriel. Oh my god can you fucking imagine. The absolute havoc that this man would bring into the sesh circle would be life changing. I’m also convinced he’d be able to roll up with one hand. Blindfolded. No notes.

3. Castiel. I’d actually give my left nutsack to see Cas stoned (s5e4 aside). I feel like he’d have even less of a filter than he already has, and with Gabe and Dean there it’d be even better.

4. Charlie. I love to word-vomit about my favourite nerdy interests when I’m stoned, and I know she’d match my energy perfectly. I can see her laughing her ass off at the boys during the sesh too, she wouldn’t let the vibe die.

5. Jo. I goddamn love my little blondie and so help me god if anyone disagrees. Jo is probably my ideal sesh partner, funny, witty, great conversationalist and an overall badass with tons of great stories.

Crowley gets an honorary mention, but I cannot, in good faith, put him on this list. As hilarious as he would be, I fear he’d intentionally send Cas into cardiac arrest.

[tiredlittlewriter]

Was very baked recently so I've decided to share with you all my H&L nightmare blunt rotation.

Top of the list is Kohaku. Absolutely would never want to smoke with him, Mugen Era or afterwards. He is a mass murderer AND he's always been crazy. No thxx

Second is Ranmaru. I don't need to explain. It's Ranmaru.

Third, Kirinji. What the fuck is wrong with that guy I'd never want to pass the blunt to him y'all😭😭

Fourth, the very very stinky Todoroki. He's not a bad guy or anything obviously but I still don't want to smoke with him. I don't want to witness that kid high

And finally, Nakaoka. I refuse to elaborate. But Nakaoka is also someone I'm hiding the weed from. Thank you all for coming to my Ted talk, perhaps I'll make my dream blunt rotation next

[okthatsgreat]

which of your ocs do you think you'd get along with irl? which do you think you absolutely would not be able to get along with, or who wouldn't like you?

GHBFSGBDFJH hiiiii whoever this is. i love u...................................................................................<3

im gonna do this list in order from MOST LIKELY to get along with to LEAST LIKELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! theyll be ranked on if i were to meet them in a relaxed environment which means NO killing game and NO dnd plot making their lives hell YAY!

sae: removed from a killing game scenario its reaaaaalllyyy hard to get her to not like you and also shes chill as fuck. she isnt my age but she'd give awesome advice and also i would definitely be texting her just to get back the most random bullshit from her brick phone. no notes here i have GOT to sit on a dock at night and talk shit with him

ryobe: so despite being the antagonist of his season outside of killing game stuff he is genuinely a very very fun person to be around!!!! also VERY easy to make laugh i think i could get along with this guy. now he is the greatest person to like idk Be Emotional to? not really but id have a great time taking him to go bowling. killing game scenario he'd be a lottttt lower

erin: you'll notice im splitting erin and pippy here because the answer is going to be very different LMFAO but erin and i would get alonggg :] she's real goofy and i need to introduce her to dnd i think she'd thrive there. also she's australian so if these people were real she'd have the best shot of being nearby. BONUS!

yoshito: he's just a nice guy :) but he's genuine about it like youre gonna notice a few of these ocs are nice but they tend to be rather surface level..... yoshito is for real a compassionate guy LMFAO. probably wouldnt share the EXACTTT same sense of humor as him and he's definitely one to pry a little into your personal business if he catches anything off about your behavior. which yknow sometimes is uncool but ultimately he's a good person so i cant imagine not liking him

naomi: heavy emphasis on this being a RELAXED scenario but i think we would be chill :) she's very awkward at first but i would think all her jokes are funny on account of being very easy to make laugh . we'd go play video games together. the dream. i do think our combined lack of ability to text people back will eventually kill us though GHFDHG

ruth: again not exactly my age and clearly busy being a mom but she's the type of woman who would have just absolutely fascinating stories to tell you at a family gathering before she slips away into oblivion again LMAO. but shes still pretty reserved and while i dont think i have any traits thats gonna make her hate my ass she also isnt gonna be super open with me so i cant see a super close relationship or anything LMAO. in my dream blunt rotation however. gotta get her on that dock with saeunn

mika: we're both average so she won't have a complex about anything, i can't imagine we'd be reaaallyyyyy close friends just because she doesnt have a very good sense of humour and she can be a bit blunt lmao. but we'd manage to get along if we were put in a group project or something

olli: MY FIRST DND OC TO MAKE IT HERE LMFAO i lovveeee making dnd/bg3 characters that would be terrible to hang out with in real life. olli is cool though id think they were funny. ill be very honest in saying that we arent gonna be lifelong pals or anything on account of how completely different our personalities are but they would be fascinating to spend a few days with. cant imagine theyd find anything about me they deem deplorable if anything they see my weak ass and vow to "shield me from thy wicked enemies" or something

billie: we'd be fine??? don't think we'd actively be making plans together on account of her being fifteen years old and really awkward

rie: we'd also get along but it's very surface level. she doesn't have much of a sense of humor unfortunately and we share very little interests!!! she's very lovely and all but there isn't much to connect over

andi: this is like. the true neutral point here because she truly is just siri

pippy: this is a character that is SUPPOSED to be really annoying to anybody that isn't an actual child and i do think i'd find that high energy difficult to keep up with lmaooo, also pippy wouldnt be making a huge effort to get to know me or anything! she's lots of fun though and definitely sweet

null: this one was hard ghfjgsdfkg. null is objectively very well-spoken, but this is often through blunt, unexpressive speech. not to mention they are very unnerving like i can not lie to you i would find them really off-putting at first. but the thing is they are up this high because i think they have longevity yknow.................. if im kind to it and give it a nice wave they will eventually mimic that wave back at me. i cant even explain it but i think we could get along. or maybe i am severely overestimating my abilities to talk to a cleric of a murder god but its whatever

sadie: okay so sadie is extremely charming. unfortunately she is extremely charming it's part of her character she is good at talking to people and i am not immune to this. i think sadie would be a lovely person to talk to a few times but hanging out with her for too long is eventually going to get me involved in some ungodly drama LMFAO. without a killing game level scenario to humble her she is going to get very annoying very quickly, and she VERYYY likely sees me as somebody easily manipulated

finnea: similar to sadie she is extremely charming, only put a knob lower due to how quick she is to disappear. would make little effort to truly get to know me and wouldn't make an effort to reveal anything about herself either, would kinda just make playful flirty comments that leave me going "oh yeah she seemed nice i guess"

nowhere: there's a bit of a jump here between finnea and nowhere i reckon because now we're getting into "i would probably dislike them initially" territory........ nowhere at the beginning of her story is like. an asshole LMFAO or at least she's just really loud and kinda abrasive and really doesn't make any effort to get to know people or help them. honestly most likely scenario is we both just say a blunt hi and then go our separate ways

elese: sigghhhhh it makes me so sad to say this it really does. but elese and i would not get along HGFKGSDJHJFKD shes dead last because i can say without a doubt we would both not like each other at first glance....... she would think she's of a much higher rank than me and i would find her very pretentious and cocky............... and if i was to be a little kind and say that this is POST character development elese we still dont have a whole ton in common unfortunately!! besides maybe music but even then she is very very classically trained... love her to death but it would not be fun meeting her in real life and that is why shes awesome <3

[rosesradio]

I know you said nico should be passed around line a blunt but I think Leo should also...it'll help him

oh my gosh yesss 100%...like i know a fair amout of the characters have their insecurities but poor leo's gotta have the worst self esteem...to just have him passed around, used by the others while they shower him in praise and needy touches...A Need for him 😵‍💫

i wonder who all would be in the circle, the dream leo rotation lol.

nico obviously, he would be shy to be intimate in front of others but ultimately wants leo wherever he can have him. of course, the others are so sweet to nico as well, reassuring him that his limits are important & he's doing such a good job taking care of leo, look at how blissed out he looks already, etc

jason would love it. he would usually be such a gentleman in the bedroom when it's just him & leo, but he gets competitive in front of others (in front of percy). he loves the intimacy of leo facing him while he rides him, but in this scenario he might have leo face away from him, hands spanning across leo’s chest and around his throat, so he could show off how he's clearly leo's favorite. he's also the first one leo turns to for aftercare, as he really is the best at taking care of him <3

i think piper would like giving him the strap, but not as much as leo likes eating her out. it's one of his faaave things to do, & him bent over to do so is a good opportunity for jason or percy to take him from behind 👀

percy would be the one leo turns to when he wants things rough, he & jason often put on the “good cop/bad cop” roles if they know it or not. the others looove to watch percy put on a show with leo, though they always worry it’s too much…until leo puts up a weak thumbs up, his face buried in the sheets, & it’s just one of those stupid, funny things that endears everyone to leo

unlike with nico i could also see annabeth getting in the mix. i’m not sure how exactly she would, but maybe she’d be like a rest stop between partners. she’d pull him into his lap and give him water, giving him a rundown of what certain people wanna do with him so he can analyze the list. she’d also probably keep her hands on him, jerking him off all the while to keep him hard, like a fluffer lol

[toadstool32]

its the sextuplets birthday! in celebration im ranking them based on personal preference <3

karamatsu < i like him

osomatsu < i like shitty older brothers when theyre not my own

jyuushimatsu < i dont even think he knows how baseball works

todomatsu < hes such a bitch i love him

ichimatsu < cat

choromatsu < at his best when insane

the nature making numbered list make it so that they all have a rank but if anything it would be like > 1 karamatsu >2 osomatsu / jyuushimatsu >4 todomatsu / ichimatsu > 6 choromatsu

now im gonna proceed to rank them as combinations <- insane behavior

i got the names from this list!

im mostly ranking them by how funny they are but comedy is subjective feel free to send me anon hate ovr this i dont care

doing this in a five star format! ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

choukeimatsu: starting out strong! i love shitty older brothers! they suck <3 five stars ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

sokudomatsu: its ok, i like they more when they act out as other characters than themselves, they either do a funny skit or their manzai act, this one is a toss up for me! ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ➖➖

parkamatsu: their shittyness and cuteness level gets balanced so evenly... its precious to see truly..... however!!! its cute to see oso treat ichi like a cat / a future ward of the state but alas its not tickling my funny bone as much ⭐ ⭐ ➖➖➖

bakamatsu: i like stupid idiots, i want more of them ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ➖

benimatsu: oso n todo are such shitheads fr, they enable eachother to be the worst version of themselves, which is both cute AND fun ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

suirikumatsu: i read this one comic where they both get bullied by everyone else and then get revenge at the beach, (ill find and reblog later) other than that i dont think they really have that many skits together? booo. its rough out there ➖➖➖➖➖

iromatsu: its mid, it makes me cringe more than laugh, well, thats a lie sometimes i do laugh, its a toss up really, (i do like the bazooka scene tho) ⭐⭐⭐➖ I

musclematsu: while iromatsu its ichi using kara as a chew toy karamatsu is like, a chew toy with spikes, and fire and hurtful things, so ichimatsu receives psychic damage by that. Yeah that does not happen with jyuushimatsu this is like a uno reverse, these two are made or way harder stuff, and way dumber too, five stars ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

woodmatsu: theyre sweet :3 its a good balance between karamatsu being a chewtoy and todomatsu being the tsukkomi fishing with love letters and falling in love with the same cashier? pretty solid gags ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ➖

middlematsu: funniest gag they ever did was the fact that they never talk to eachother, nobody has a good time here, four stars only bc its a rare one ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ➖

wakabamatsu: are u fucking kidding me ok this one is interesting bc when jyuushi is the boke i feel like the skits run way to long, i still laugh but whatever not the point. but when they make jyushimatsu choros tsukkomi??? insane behavior honestly. ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ➖ ➖

cybermatsu: funniest shit ever, choromatsu shines with todomatsu as his pair truly, funniest shit ive ever seen ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

numbermatsu: top tier! what do i ever have to say here they just work ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

110matsu: catty bitches, ichimatsu gets to be weird in new ways here such is the curse of being a good straight man! hang in there todomatsu!! ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ➖

youngestmatsu: they r so fucking cute, cant remeber any skits with them tho, oh well ⭐ ⭐ ➖➖

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

ok now im gonna do groups!! but not really just the ones i care about, fuck the list im doing numbers now:

125- i like idiots, i want more of them, jyuushimatsus fun day with his big brothers (goes wrong) <3

456- shitty little brothers represent! u cant be mad at them theyre just little guys and its their birthday :3

346- catty bitches but more toxic, this one rulez, the self awareness has left the room

146- i think theyre neat

126- this is just my dream blunt rotation lets move on

246- i thought abt girlymatsu for a bit and passed out for a sec imagine this with me

thats all!!! get out of my post!!!

[greenlanterns-light]

dream blunt rotation with ur fos

You’re gonna bully me for this but shion because his hobby is listed as smoking so he KNOWS what he is doing. Akira because 1. I love my wifey 2. Also a smoker so he knows what he’s doing to an extent 3. he’s just silly and fun . And then lastly mizuki because he’d suck but it’d be funny and also I love him. I wanted to say niki but it would go badly I’m so sorry

[glittter-vamp]

Dream blunt rotation: NFL edition 😏

Oooof… idk who in the nfl is sober or not so call me out if I put someone who is in my list.

Joey B (for obvious space talk reasons & I simply need to hear his giggles)

Marshawn Lynch (Saw him in bottoms and seems cool and down for anything)

Matt Judon (he’s so funny so he’d be a good time)

Andrei Iosivas & Christian González (cause They’re both the new kids on the block and i wanna see what these gen z kids are about lol)

[kenz1frenz1]

I will never not be thinking of that time Brennan Lee Mulligan physically beat a man to a pulp in NYC like I wish I was joking but there's a podcast of him telling the story. That man has such a gravitational presence on this earth that he truly deeply scares me on an existential level but also he is ABSOLUTELY on my dream blunt rotation list.

[mason-fanfiction]

Chapter 10: Endgame, Part 2

Spoiler Warning

Mike announces with a sly, sly smile, "I gathered some foes. From your alma mater." With a grand sweep of his jort, he gestures to the army of souls supporting his right side. A gathering of normal-ass adults gather, fitted head to penis in UConn alumni gear. Mel recognizes each of them from the photos that Mason chews on when he's mad. "Is that… Ethan, Kurt, Graham, Zoe, Paulina, Jake Starn, Veronica Freshman, Krista, Dr. Mills. Zweig, and Britt's ex!" Mel correctly lists everyone's name, and the room is very impressed with his knowledge. Everyone claps.

"Recruiting them was very easy," Mikey explains, "They are still pissed that you guys won the gingerbread house contest Freshman year." They nod.

Mikey continues, "To my behind, I found some miscellaneous characters who also hate you guys, lmao." Mike Tarny pulls a curtain rod to dramatically reveal a nightmare blunt rotation: Kari, Leslie, Grace the Italian hater, Dream, a kidney stone, Red hair girl, and Mason's mom. They don't notice the curtain fall, and are chatting with each other like old friends. They seem to be getting along quite well. Just goes to show, a friendship can still blossom between very different people :).

"We're fucked," says the good guys.

A trumpet sounds through the battlefield (Planet Fitness). Battle is starting.

Blast off! Zoe remembers she has a leadership degree and fires the first shot. She scatters legos on the floor, with her superpowers. Krista assists with her signature bass-boosted attack. Sound waves shake the Planet Fitness, causing Mel to stumble somewhat. He watches as Krista closes her yap, and she begins to recharge her vocal fry. She's just warming up.

Before another move can be made, Kate summons 3 cops with guns and sends them wayward. Still quite new to this skill, the third cop, Craig, appears…wrong. Craig peeps the horror of his creation, and then zhushes himself out the window. The other two pigs fire away. A few foes retreat behind purple machines. Mike Tarny and Sea Man retreat to the safety of the backrooms, allowing their recruits to fight this battle for them.

With the violence in full-swing, each side exchanges a slew of attacks and retreats. Krista breathes deeply and projects her screams. Mason counters, retrieving his otomatone for a quick sound wave blast. The particles collide, causing a terrible shake to the grounds of the Planet Fitness. Glass fragments burst from the windows and scrape against smooth skin. Blood is shed among friend and foe alike. When the glass settles, the temperament of the room shifts and understanding dawns upon the fighters among the smell of blood and sweat. They are fighting for their lives.

Abby summons The Leprechaun. It cannibalizes Veronica Freshman. Sarah summons trees and stuff like that. The gym is overflowing with vines and greenery. She climbs a vine to obtain high ground, and rains avocado pits upon UConn's alumni. Ashley crashes a treadmill into Leslie. Britt stands out of the way of fire, intuitively. Maggie circles the kidney stone at 140mph, trying to suffocate it, like that scene in Sky High, or that fucked up scene in Legend of Korra. Mel stands on a StairMaster and shoots a regular pistol in the direction of the enemy.

Kate's gunmen are struck by a combo between Jake Starn and Paulina. They sync up their words with an "I Cannot BE HERE!". Terror and knives rain upon Kate and her gunmen, knocking out Kate and phasing the gunmen out of existence. Ashley telekenises Kate's body into safety. While distracted, Leslie appears beneath the treadmill. Her jaw unhinges and slaps against the concrete floor. Mad River Canoe Adventure 16 missiles into the air and slams into Ashley’s back with the force of one full-sized canoe. Ashley crumbles from the canoe’s momentum and lay unconscious next to Kate.

Kidney Stone is unaffected by the lack of oxygen in Maggie's runny circle. Kidney Stone activates a sleepen brethren that lay dormant inside her digestive tract. Maggie loses control of her speed and tumbles forward, clutching her stomach, gagging through the pain. Meanwhile, the Leprechaun only manages to eat Veronica's toes before she unleashes The First Plague. It screeches a high-pitched drone as blood pours from its eyes and mouth. Luckily it does not stain Veronica's cute cheerleading outfit as it collapses over itself and deflates onto the conk creet in a pile of meat. Meanwhile meanwhile, Mel's greasy teenage forehead gleams with sweat as he accidentally activates the StairMaster, and he attempts to kill people accurately while getting a real workout.

Mel swims his eyes around the room. The tide has turned unfavourably. Most of Street Smarts is conked out and half of their opponents haven't even participated yet. Their participation grade is going to falter, Mel thinks. Nearby, Britt takes psychic damage at the mention of a participation grade in this story. Sarah remains standing- until Veronica releases the Second Plague, and toads emerge from the crevices of treadmills, bicycles, rowing machines, and dumbbells, somehow. The ghastly ghouls munch Sarah's greenery and spread disease to her magic wildlife. Rather than unsummoning the trees and stuff, Sarah becomes occupied researching how to heal her plants, and she be on that phone. Mel now remains alone to shoot people with his little, little baby pistol. He catches the glance of Ethan, who has deployed a Domestic yak from the mountainous region of Nepal. Lowering his pathetic pistol, Mel cowers with the certainty that he is about to be so freaking crushed under the hooves of this here yak. Mel says a prayer to a religion he does not practice. The Yak charges.

The Yak is crushed under a projection of rubble from a nearby wall. A 20ft tall mechanical monster charges through the wall, scattering debris about. The dust settles somewhat, revealing a shining, silver mech suit- with Bryan visible in the head of the suit, steering the impressive machine. From across the room, Mel and Bryan smile to each other, unspokenly acknowledging how freaking sick the mech suit turned out. Mel pumps his fist in the air and Bryan nods behind the yak-proof glass.

Ethan barks like a puppyboy and begins to summon a second Yak attack. Bryan acts quickly, pulling a lever on his control panel. The robot glides into a squat (with great form) and its robotic cooch opens and dispenses a gathering of individuals: Bone, Party John, Peter Griffin, Sonic, Elizabeth She, Mason L, and Ozgur!

As a nice gesture, the enemy side has paused their attacks for this grand reveal. Street Smarts begins to gain consciousness just in time to witness Bone activate a nether portal. Out steps even more allies from outside the scope of this fictional story but inside the scope of real life: Brian Forbe, Mickey, Josh, Faith, Colleen, Kyle Subog, Fabrenis, Julia Illinois who is now Julia Wisconson, Ballooney, Wilbur Soot, Toothless (now a full-sized dragon), Whiplash the Cowboy Monkey, and Johanna (recently rescued from the pit).

"They didn't fit in the cooch," Bone clarifies for the audience.

Blast OFF! Mason's mom takes the first step with a wicked grin. She releases a barrage of biblically accurate angels. The empty ceilings cloud with smokey grey clusters of angel wings, blocking out the overhead lights and shrouding the battle in darkness. Light beams between the cracks, illuminating the enemy side as the angels charge forward with a piercing other-worldly squeal.

Faith, cool as a cucumber, smokes a J so fat and dubious that it hotboxes the Planet Fitness instantly and chokes the angels to kingdom come. Shannon's angels can't handle the vibes and drop to the ground like dead flies. Faith looks around for validation from her peers.

She's so cool, Mel thinks.

Irene, who came with Ethan, climbs a minifridge. Britt counters by chucking frozen snowballs at her. Irene just leaves.

Zoe's dad summons an earthquake through his hands and rocks the grounds. Machines topple over, the concrete cracks. It's crazy! Mason stands tall and walks towards Zoe's dad. He flirts with her father by sending a kissy emoji on venmo. Her father swoons, and stops the attack. Zoe is PISSED.

Kurt tries to help out by riding his tractor into Mason, but his tractor is slow as shit. He probably shouldn't even be here. He's too old.

This might be controversial, but Graham fights the Leprechaun. He chose to.

Sonic and Peter Griffin make love. Whiplash the Cowboy Monkey rides Toothless around. Toothless burns all of Red Hair Girl's thrifted clothes. She can no longer sell them for 10x the price on Depop. She falls to the ground, defeated. Her red hair deepens to a deep black hue.

Kyle Subog and Fabrenis plan the next special event. Bone and PJ team up, targeting Dream (Bone likes Tubbo better). Dream uses an Ugly attack and face reveals to everyone. Everyone takes damage. Everyone except Wilbur Soot, who has built up an immunity to the situation. Wilbur deploys Ballooney, who floats across to Dream peacefully. Dream catches Ballooney in his gamer hands. Ballooney explodes.

Britt's ex pees everywhere. Jemuel charges everyone $800. Julia Wisconson slightly inconveniences people. Kari's bangs are now slightly shorter, and they look terrible. Paulina falls off her bed. Embarrassed, she commits code Paulina. Jake Starn follows her to the grave.

Grace hates on Italians. Kate is about to respond, when a hand stops her. Josh steps forward with conviction. "It's oolright. I can handle this one," he says in a stupid accent.

Kate hands him a gun. “Are you going to be able to handle her all on your own?”

“Don’t worry,” says Mason L, stepping forward.

Mickey steps forward with a smirk. “He’s got help.”

In an inspiring act of Boy Power, all of the men step forward, wielding weapons or superpowers. Ozgur stays behind because he is wearing women's pants.

"Racism against Italians ends here!" Brian Forbe proclaims to the heavens. Grace’s eyes widen at the mass of men charging directly towards her. Hallelujah is playing. Josh throws Johanna at her. Grace is knocked down, and Johanna's body lands in a pit. Mason L crawls through the ceiling tiles and drops onto Grace’s back, scratching her face. Brian Forbe strangles her with a neck tie. Kyle Subog morphs into a husky and mauls her. It's incredibly violent and unnecessary. She dies after the first barbell hits her. The boys take a bow.

Elizabeth She begins to suck the oxygen out of the room, but is quickly stopped because Dr. Mills kills her. Colleen kills Dr. Mills.

Having lost 5 souls, Mike Tarny and Sea Man emerge from the backrooms, pissed off. The enemy side regroups. A celebrity guest appears for their next attack. It's Justice, from the LC Kickoff event! Street Smarts notices his presence, and instantly knows what's about to happen.

The enemy side lines up, and creates the longest soul train to ever grace the planet earth. Justice is beaming. His life's work is realized. The energy from the world's longest soul train begins to charge a dark red energy blast the size of 10 Josh's.

Panicking, Mel shouts, "Line up! We'll create our own Soul Train!"

Street Smarts follows his orders and creates a line. It's not the world's longest, but Mel thinks that friendship must count for something. The power from this soul train begins to charge a bright blue energy blast the size of 9 Josh's.

The opposing side fires. A beam travels from the far side of the gym towards our heroes. Street Smarts counters quickly, sending out their lesser energy beam just in time.

I went from sticking pennies in the jar.

The two energy beams crackle against each other and a deep hum rings in Mel's ear. Air pressure intensifies, and thunder claps against the ceiling. He can barely see anything, except for the blinding purple light emanating from both Soul Trains. He can just make out the difference between the two colours. He sees the dark red energy beam slowly inching towards them.

"NO! It can't end like this!" Mel shouts. He thinks about Ryan. If Mel had run to CVS and purchased flu medicine, maybe Ryan would have survived. If Mel hadn't taken Ryan on a walk on a rainy day, maybe he wouldn't have caught the flu. There were a million timelines were Ryan could have survived. Mel blames himself.

The dark red energy beam is inches away, still creeping forward. Mel is sweating, and has run out of energy. Perceiving his final moments, he looks at his dad. Mason looks back, and whispers "I love you." Mel says it back.

A new figure appears next to Mel, joining the world's second largest soul train. Confused, Mel glances at a small, disembodied plastic squirrel. It has limbs and a head, but no bodice. It floats as if connected by psychic link.

The light blue energy beam suddenly grows to the size of 100 Josh's, and shoots back at Mike Tarny's squad of goons. Mike Tarny yelps, and the energy blast shocks all of the foes, sending them flying against the wall. Street Smarts is also flung backwards, although they stick a softer landing. Mel snaps his attention from the energy blast to the squirrel beside him.

"Who are you?" He asks.

I am GOD the squirrel. Mel, you summoned me.

"Ok." Mel says.

The dust settles, and the room is quiet. Bodies lay strewn across the concrete floor- some dead, some still breathing. Spider still sits in the centre, tied tf up. Mel and Mason run to untie him. As soon as they reach him, a piece of rubble moves, and Mike Tarny pops up. His eyes fixate on Mason.

"Hold your horses!" Mike Tarny shouts. Mel and Mason freeze. Mike Tarny holds Bryan in a chokehold, a pistol positioned against his temple. Sea Man hoists himself up to stand next to Mike Tarny.

Mel can't hold his tongue and blurts out, "Why did you betray us, Sea Man?"

Sea Man begins to speak, but Mike Tarny stops him. "He didn't betray you, nimrod," Mike Tarny explains, "We were in cahoots from the beginning. He was keeping an eye on you."

Mel frowns. "That's stupid. Why would you work for Mike Tarny?"

"I don't work for him. He's-"

"Sea Man believes in my revenge plan for Mason," Mike Tarny cuts him off. Mel gasps. Mason gasps. Bryan gasps.

Mike Tarny saunters closer to Mason, his pistol still raised to Bryan’s head.

"You chose Ryan." Mike states plainly.

"And you chose Shelly." Mason responds.

Mike scoffs. "You knew she was using me for witchcraft. After you and Ryan got married, I felt like I had no one. I was raising Fatty all on my own, because you didn't want to keep OUR baby."

Mason is silent. Mike continues, "I did choose Shelly eventually. I was overwhelmed raising Fatty on my own, so I married her after college. She hated you too- even more than me. She encouraged me to take revenge. But I didn’t need encouraging.”

“Typical,” Mason whispers to Mel.

Mike keeps fucking talking. “Of course, some parts were her idea. It was her idea to kill Ryan.”

Mel’s head snaps up. ‘YOU killed Ryan?”

“Yeah, we poisoned him. Hired someone to declare him dead from influenza. We had Mason drafted for the war, and Shelly dressed as a man like in Mulan. She impersonated a general, and ordered the attack against Mason.”

Mason thinks back to the war. “I couldn’t place the face at the time, but it’s because Shelly was dressed as a man. I saw the hatred in her eyes. It seemed familiar.”

“Shelly was a little psychopathic,” Mike admits. “But Spider pushed you out of the way, and you survived. I had to scramble to find other ways to zonk your gourd. And then your son got too crazyyy and involved. I don’t want to kill a kid, but here we are. I had to organize a freaking epic battle. It was really hard getting everyone here. We all have such different schedules.”

Just then, Maggie shows up for the battle in a Pooh bear costume. She sneaks in the back.

Mel glares at Mike Tarny with his whole pussy. Something still didn’t add up. Mike Tarny lost Fatty when he was still a baby. But now Mike claims that he raised Fatty all on his own- or with Shelly’s help. So where is Fatty now?

Something clicks in Mel’s brain. He looks at the person standing by Mike’s side. He notices one crucial detail: A tuff of golden red hair atop Sea Man’s head. Mel gasps.

“FATTY.” Mel points at Sea Man. Mason starts to tell Mel not to be rude (he would never call someone fat), until Sea Man responds “Yeah?”

“We are brethren, Sea Man. Half-brothers. Kin. Did Mike Tarny ever tell you that?”

Sea Man looks at Mike Tarny. “No, he didn’t tell me that.”

“Mason is your daddy,” Mel explains. “And-and mine too. Mike Tarny is using you for a petty revenge plot- you have to see that! And he caused 9/11.”

“What’s 9/11?” Sea Man asks.

Mason says, “Sea Man, or Fatty, I’m sorry I abandoned you at birth. It won’t happen again. Please, man, join our side instead. You won’t have to hang out with this annoying dude anymore. Fr.”

Sea Man looks at Mike Tarny, hurtfully. “You lie. Papa.” He says that like Eleven or whatever. From Stranger Things. Like when she said Papa You Lie. Lol. Lol. Also, fuck it, Sea Man had a British accent this whole time.

“I’m proper joining your side,” Sea Man declares. He lowers his gun and stands proud next to Mason and Mel. They join hands, even.

Mike Tarny is stomping mad. “What the hell man.”

Bryan clears his throat. “Uhm. Excuse me, Mr. Tarny, are you going to murder me yes or no?”

Mike Tarny releases Bryan like a bad fish. “Nah, man, I’m not gonna kill a kid.” Bryan trots back to the group. “But I am gonna kill Mason,” he says, shooting his gun finally. At Mason.

A few things happen at once. First, Bryan sneezes. Second, Mel says bless you. Third, Mike Tarny says that line. Fourth, Dennis bursts through the Planet Fitness wall and shouts “I’m alive!!”. Fifth, Mike Tarny shoots his gun. Sixth, Dennis takes the bullet for Mason, and dies.

Mike Tarny cries out in defeat. Foiled again. Kate summons her cops and they arrest Mike Tarny. The remaining people on the enemy side pack up their string bags and go home. Two women kiss. This fanfiction is now banned in multiple countries and will not be airing on Cartoon Network.

Mel pushes Dennis’ body out of the way with his shoe and hugs his father. Mason hugs back, but he has pee real bad so it’s a short hug.

—-

It’s summer now, a few years later. Partly cloudy, a slight breeze. All you need is a light jacket. Mel is visiting Ryan at the Wallingford Cemetery, sipping a nice oolong. Mel brought flowers and 3 DVD copies of Spanglish with Adam Sandler.

He breathes deep, patting the grave on the back. “Well Rye Rye, I’m going to college next week. I wish you could help me move in. We really could use your gadgets and gizmos.” He laughs, but in a sad way.

A waiter arrives with a tray of tacos. She says it’s for Brittany. Mel tells her Brittany is not here. The waiter leaves.

Mel spends some time chatting with Ryan about his last few months of high school and the big change ahead. After some time, Mel sees Mason whip around the gravesite in his black car and park on the side of Ryan’s grave. Mason was recently released from prison for Shelly’s manslaughter.

Mason greets Mel. “Hey Mel, I thought I’d find you here. I brought Fatty.” Fatty steps out of the car too. They join Mel.

They watch Ryan’s grave for a while in silence. “I miss his body,” Mason says, choked up.

“I didn’t know him,” Fatty says.

“Thanks guys, I needed to hear that.” Mel means it. A few years ago, Mel felt like his family was broken. Looking at his dad and bro, he doesn’t feel broken. He lost a father and he gained a brother. Mel tries to hug his family. They hold up their hands and say “Don’t.”

Some time passes. Mason sees a bird and gets really excited, like an old man. Fatty orders tacos. They are having a nice afternoon :).

“So Mel,” Mason says, in between bites of taco, “Are you excited for band preseason?”

---

Credits

[honestlyfrance]

SAMBUCKY BOOKMARKS

it’s fic yeah friday over at @fuckyeahsambucky​​​ so i wanna do a lil something something for the fandom :) check out my #fic rec tag for more! 

enjoy the more than 50 fics listed here :) be careful of the tags!

I Am Trying to Break Your Heart by Lunar_Pull

Today is the day that Steve received an invitation to the love of his life’s wedding.

Philopatry by Areiton

"I want to be safe," he says. "But I'm not." "Then why come here? Why put me at risk?" Something flickers in his eyes, little boy lost and utterly cold, and it makes Sam want to give the dude a hug and also pull his sidearm. "I have no reason to hurt you," Winter says. "I don't want to hurt you," Bucky adds, earnestly.

farmhouse by Tazmaster

"You know, I think I'd want a farmhouse."

"A what?" Sam turns to look at him, slightly annoyed. This was the first thing Bucky has said in the past hour and a half they've been cramped in this god forsaken car. He had a knack for impulsively voicing his dumb thoughts at the worst times, but whenever you wanted to know what was actually going on in that head of his, he'd never say.

They were staking out the front gate of a large mansion, very much not a farmhouse. It was mind numbingly boring, being stuck in a beetle with absolutely nothing else to do than stare at the gaudy gates of some rich asshole.

"A farmhouse," Bucky repeats nonchalantly, "If we ever get out of this business, or you know, live long enough to retire maybe--- I want a farmhouse. With a lot of animals."

---

Bucky keeps talking about a farmhouse and it drives Sam crazy, that is until he finally asks why.

Employee Discount by bopeep for queenmab_scherzo

Sam Wilson doesn't love working in a store that makes him wear vanity-sized polos and breathe in clouds of men's cologne like the worst kind of GQ aromatherapy, but the view from his cash register across the mall to the Hot Topic and the sullen Dark Prince of Wallet Chains he loves to hate may just beat the minimum wage blues.

In warm water, swimming down by targaryen_melodrama

“Why are you hiding?””Tired.”Bucky raises an eyebrow. “So you decided to swim.”“So I decided to be alone.”Bucky’s quiet for a moment. “I can go, if you want.”It’s the last thing Sam wants.

I figured out what the slashes mean by Teaismycoffee

Sam, Steve and Bucky are all living together in a safe house. Bucky and Sam discover fan fiction written about them. Steve doesn't approve. Sam and Bucky are really into secretly reading fan fiction together, or maybe it isn't the fan fiction part they are really into.

Chicken Soup for the Soul by bioloyg

“S’not my bed time,” Sam says as he buries his face in Bucky’s upper arm. Bucky laughs. “Tough. You’re sick.” Sam lets out a loan groan and says, “But my bed is cold. I was so warm, why’d you move me?” “Because your neck would’ve hated you if I didn’t.” He tries not to be so amused by how fussy Sam is when he’s both sick and half-asleep. It’s cute. ~ A fic wherein Bucky takes care of a sick Sam.

two nights in L.A. by CapnWinghead

Bucky kindly volunteered Sam to be a groomsman for Scott’s upcoming wedding. Of course, that meant Sam and Bucky had to go to the bachelor party.

at the end of the war (what's mine is yours) by notcaycepollard

They don't talk about it: that's how it works.

I'd Like That by honestlydarkprincess

Sam has been up for over 24 hours and has been dreaming about his Coffee Caramel Fudge non-dairy ice cream since about the 18-hour mark. When he gets to the store, there's only one carton of it left and, unfortunately for the guy innocently holding said carton, Sam's not leaving without it.

Or, the one where Sam is sleep deprived, yells at a cute guy, and gets both ice cream and a phone number out of it.

Ready, Set, Date! by bioloyg

Bucky wants to sleep, Natasha wants to find him a date for Steve's wedding (so he'll leave her alone), and Sam is the best thing about this whole speed dating disaster. But, Sam's not in the speed date rotations - he's at a different table weathering through dates just like Bucky is. ~ "Three dates in, Bucky decides he has made one of the worst decisions in all of his life by coming here. His first date had been an attractive enough man by the name of Greg. He introduces himself as “The Big G,” to which Sam laughs at in the middle of introducing himself to his own date. Greg likes to talk about cars a lot, which is fine. Bucky also likes cars. The only problem is that Greg’s love for cars borders on… erotic."

We'll rise up free and easy by Sarsaparilla, woofgender

Steve and Natasha are away on a mission when Sam receives intel about the Winter Soldier’s location. When he follows the lead, Sam finds something unexpected—but despite his initial impression, it’s certainly not all bad. (Post-CATWS, not AOU- or CACW-compliant.)

__________ "'Jesus Christ,' Sam said, 'Are you planning on fighting an entire army?'

Barnes looked up from examining the sights of a sniper rifle. '...no,' he said, a little guiltily, and adjusted one of the--five? Six? guns he’d already strapped to himself."

love is in the air (i smell coffee) by Flora_K, hermionesmydawg

Sam Wilson - graduate student, part-time barista, part-time salesman, and full-time father - doesn't have time to sleep, much less date. At least, that's what he tells himself.

Up at Night by bioloyg for lunaaltare

With Halloween nearing, Sam is feeling more in the mood for a scary movie than usual. He'd never watch one on his own though, so he invites his roommate to pick one out and join in on movie night. or Prompt fill for Samtember ~ "It’s quiet for a while after that. Like always, the two of them start on opposite sides of the queen sized bed with at least a foot of space between them. And, like always, they drift closer to one another as time passes, though whether it’s habitual or instinctual Sam would never dare delve into."

flowers in darkness, the moon above the sea by 27dis

Sam enjoyed his job, really.

But, not when a certain person came in.

A quick detour and a sudden arrival by iwillnotbecaged for heuradys

He found Wilson shivering in the snow, left for dead. Sloppy.

You couldn’t trust the elements to do your job for you. They were rarely so obliging.

A mission gone awry, unexpected help, and close quarters makes for an interesting couple of days.

Don't lock the door on me by TuskFM

Sam’s desperately trying to sleep when he gets a visit from the Winter Soldier at three a.m., bleeding and asking for help. Sam’s not the kind of guy who let someone bleed out on his front door, even if the said someone threw him off an helicarrier and stole his wheel.

and i run, further than before by hermionesmydawg

"What do they call you?" Bucky carefully pulls out an equal amount of caramel and cheese kernels of popcorn and pops them into his mouth. "Birdman?"

"No."

"Captain Canary?"

"Hell no."

"The Winged Avenger?"

"Falcon, dammit, and I am not an Avenger," Sam snaps, and now he's kinda pissed because yes, it's a bird name. He didn't sign up for this kind of ridicule from an amnesiac assassin.

***

Basically, the 5 times Sam actually found Bucky and the 1 time he tried to hide from him. Don't tell Steve.

Exquisite Flavor by enchantedlightningwrites for honestlyfrance

W&M's Grand Corner's growing to be one of the popular restaurants in New York, where Sam Wilson works as a chef for his sister. A wedding's in a few weeks and he has no idea on what to do about it. Notorious for his picky taste and blunt reviews, Bucky 'Winter Wolf' Barnes pays a visit. Little did he know, food could really win one's heart and lands on his stomach.

He's a Beta, You Hear That? by 27dis

Reasons why Sam didn’t realize Bucky was courting him this entire time: 1. He is a beta 2. He is oblivious 3. He thought Bucky is way out of his league 4. He is a beta for fuck’s sake

See? It’s hardly his fault for not noticing it. Why was Bucky flirting with him anyw—

Oh. Oh.

Or; Bucky swore flirting with someone was never this hard before.

stay where we belong by glittercake

He doesn't know what the hell he's doing when he turns around and shouts, "Yo! You know what—" and Barnes turns on his heel in a flash, "It's getting late, man. Looks like rain."

Sam motions to the grey sky above, and Barnes follows his eyes beyond the hanging Willow branches. "Yeah? What are you saying?"

He's got that terribly smug look on his face, the one Sam can't stand but kind of misses when it's not irritating him. But mostly, he can't stand it, "Nothing! Forget about it!"

Arms Spread Out Wide, Turn Falling Into Flight by irisesandlilies

It was easy, nothing has ever been easy for Bucky. Except this, and that terrifies him.

Years in the making by glittercake

Bucky and Sam meet as two young soldiers, but the time is never quite right to make it anything more. Until it eventually is.

or

Sam refuses to let himself fall in love while he's deployed. Bucky pines endlessly for years about the prettiest bird he’s ever seen. Sam’s no better.

If At First You Don't Succeed by SonnyD

Bucky finally gains the courage to tell Sam about his feelings. He comes up with a list of methods to woo him that were bound to succeed. He didn't account for each and every one of them failing in unexpected ways. The five times that Bucky attempts to woo Sam and the one time that Sam returns the favour.

if i could take us back, if i could just do that... by safelikespringtime

Bucky laughed, cheeks flushing red, “I’m glad you didn't. Don't know what I’d do without my wingman.” Sam groaned, poking Bucky’s side, “That was awful.” Bucky laughed. “You couldn’t survive without me. We both know it.”

How right he was.

***

Sam dies. Bucky mourns.

Strawberries and Cigarettes always taste like you by winterscaptsam

There’s a sweet agonizing simplicity in leaving behind your safe haven, like the thrill of adrenaline, reaching the top of Everest, allowed to admire its beautiful icy view but with the everlasting fear of not making it back down. Maybe that's why it was a natural instinct for Bucky to reach out for the closest thing that felt like home, slowly then all at once falling for the sweet warmth of mahogany eyes, what soon became his safe haven.

Baked With Love by Siancore

Bucky Barnes’ family owns a bakery in a small town. High school has long been over, and Bucky is dying to move to the city to pursue a musical career with his band. And his future looks promising, if he can just persuade his father to let him leave his job behind at their struggling family bakery.

It is no secret that Bucky used to love baking with his father, but things change. He just can’t fathom wasting his life away watching rising dough and hot ovens. With his mind made up to leave, Bucky convinces his father to advertise for a replacement. While interviewing candidates to fill the position he has vacated, Bucky meets Sam Wilson: An easy-going guy who is as eager about baking as Bucky is about leaving. They bond over baking and become close. Love looks like it is ready to bloom between them if Bucky, in his haste to escape, does not ruin it.

Beneath this Crown by winterscaptsam

Sam traces his fingers from James’ hairline, down to his jaw, resting the pad of his thumb on James lips. He will let himself relish in this feeling. Not even the sculptors, painters or poets could carve their words and materials to accurately describe this.

“Do you think the history books will remember us?” Sam had once asked. And James’ words were made of the purest of golds, “my love, we will be legends for the children yet to come.”

Or

Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes' love story, one a prince and the other a knight.

make my body come alive (i've got a right to hurt inside) by notcaycepollard

The body is weak. The body is hungry and soft and human. He looks at himself in the mirror, the bones of his shoulders, his cheeks hollowed out from hunger, and he thinks, gentle, you didn’t deserve this.

safe like spring time by quidhitch

“I already told you it looks good. What more is there?”

“I don’t know, man, you’re gonna live here. I just wish I knew a little bit more about how that’s sitting with you.”

Sam knows Bucky feels fine. What Sam’s probably actually after is how he feels about the fact neither of them have anywhere else to go, not with Natasha dead and Steve wrinkly. Therapists. Even the good ones, always so circular.

“I like the terrace,” Bucky offers, mostly to appease him.

Airy Laundry by AmarieMelody

Sam watches what happens when Bucky buys a clothesline.

lucky by CapnWinghead

In retrospect, it took Bucky an embarrassingly long time to realize that everyone and Scott's mom thought he and Sam were dating.

not an end, but (the start of all things) by notcaycepollard

They keep driving, for lack of anything better to do. A mission, Sam had said, and maybe that's true; maybe wherever they're headed is the way out, the way up.

So You Run On Gasoline by 343EnderSpark, ABitNotGoodieBag, OriginalCeenote

Bucky may have bitten off more than he could chew with this job, he thinks, as he ambles along the sidewalk to the cafe after leaving campus. He is running off the fumes of exhaustion and hasn’t had more than 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep in the past week. Between his students and his thesis, he knows that it’s foolish to try so hard to hang on to his barista gig, but DC isn’t a cheap place to live and Bucky can’t live with other people.

Bucky is just trying his best, despite being a human disaster.

we could jump the state lines (we only get the one life) by notcaycepollard

It starts in Paris.

“You can’t steal things just because you like them,” Sam tells Bucky, feeling innately that this is a losing battle, and Bucky cocks his head to the side, considers Sam very thoughtfully.

“Really,” he says. “I’m stealing you, aren’t I?”

we were a fire with no smoke by notcaycepollard

Sam can’t help but roll his eyes. Take the boys out of New York but they’re still Brooklyn Catholics, that’s clear enough. Bucky catches the gesture, smirks hard enough Sam can see his eye teeth. It should be dangerous but he’s beautiful, pale and charming and recklessly easy.

“You wanna come in?” Sam asks, ignoring the noise Steve makes, and Bucky’s smile gets wider.

“Yeah,” he says. Steps up close to Sam. “I do.”

Peace Begins with a Smile by Siancore

Bucky just likes the way Sam smiles.

They're Good Drones, Brent by chase_acow

When Redwing becomes infected with an alien A.I., Sam has to balance the needs of the team with his own curiosity about his new partner. Redwing isn’t the only one acting strange, he also needs to get to the bottom of Bucky’s weirdness. It takes a training exercise gone wrong that Redwing and Sam might not survive for their secrets to be exposed.

Wet Asphalt (This Is What Love Is) by ObviouslyOtter

Soft words in the dark tell us all we need to know about love. Better when they come from the person you need to hear it from most. It's crueler when you don't realize it till afterward.

Or

Sam and Bucky go out shopping for candles.

i'm gone by bi_marvel

After infiltrating a Hydra base, Sam and Bucky are sent to a safe house, and there's only one bed. Oh, golly, I wonder what will happen!

Covert Coffee & Flirtation Special by glittercake

The reporter says "—for Captain America to—"

And Bucky rolls his eyes. "Oh, here we go."

Sam looks at him then tips his head sideways, got a weird grin on his face. "Not a fan?"

"Not that. Just… the guy seems too good to be true, right? Wings and a shield? Come on."

"Uh, is that why your eyes are like glued to the screen whenever he's on?" Kate says. "Is that why you call him Captain Tight Ass?"

"He's a goddamn show-off, and you know it. Tight ass or not."

Just then Sam snorts, real loud, grabs his coffee and suffers a horribly controlled laugh on his way out the door.

The Starting Line by birdlight

A Series

Lone and Level Sands by quantum_consciousness

The almost-smile disappears off Sam’s face and he takes a step deeper into the water, and he starts unbuttoning his shirt as he wades further. One look over his shoulder and he chucks the shirt to shore, and Sam dives into the water. The ache in Bucky’s chest deepens as Sam swims. He supposes, Sam has lost a lot more, he supposes, sometimes Sam feels as lonely as he used to.

in which love doesn’t ruin us by joesnick

“Idiot,” Bucky said, so natural and deliberate that she couldn’t hear well but it was there. Relief and happiness under a small light. “Don’t do that to me again.”

“Hey, I’m here,” Sam said, before getting closer and pressing his forehead against Bucky’s. “I’m here.” They ran out of words. They didn’t need them, not at that moment. Their steadying breaths and their tenderness, saved only for each other and fed by each other, was all they needed.

Ride of Shared Melodies by enchantedlightningwrites for honestlyfrance

Two strangers, Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson meet in an unexpected encounter in the airplane. Over the course of the ride, they discover their mutual love for music and connect.

Let's Fly Away by Unclesteeb

"If I could fly, I could go anywhere. I could do anything.”

Sam’s mom gives his shoulder a gentle pat. “You can in your own way.”

“How?”

“Sammy, all you have to do to be as free as a bird is to just do the right thing.”

Sam furrows his brow. “What does that mean?”

“Well,” Sam's mom starts. “The right thing is doing nice things for people. It's treating everyone how you would want to be treated. It's going out of your way to help people and love them, even if they're not nice to you at first or at all. People deserve love, and I know you have plenty to give.” She leans down to give his cheek a kiss. “All you have to do to find your wings and fly free is to just do what you feel is right. You have a beautiful heart, Sam. I know you'll use it the right way. Then you'll fly.”

Been one of those days (can I lean on you?) by hazel_eyed_bi

Sam and Bucky wrap up an exhausting, weeks-long mission, only to go back to their mutual pining while forced to share a bed at a crappy motel. Also, Nat knows what's up.

Find your love and fight for it by winterscaptsam

Sam learns to love again, quiet and composed. Love letters stay in between walls and stolen kisses don’t leave his apartment. It's not that it's a secret, loving Bucky the way he does, lord knows he’d scream it from the rooftops, travel all the way to space to let any living life form know it as well. But that’s the problem, he just doesn’t know how and it aches him to his core to keep Bucky like a secret, like this love is something to be ashamed of.

Or

Sam decides it's about time to come out.

Kings of Everything by glittercake

Twenty-five years after the events at a popular New York Bistro, Timothy DumDum Dugan tells the true story of infamous mobster Jimmy Buchanan and the man he gave it all up for.

arson we commit by winterscaptsam

Bucky seeks adventure, reaches out for an adrenaline rush whenever he can get it and he reckons this fellow will be the one to give it to him. All sweet smiled and dolled up figure showing off his attributes. Like he’s daring anyone to take the rush.

So, Bucky goes and gets what he wants.

“What’s your damage, doll?”

Or

Bucky is the hitman and Sam is the target.

The Boys of Summer by Siancore for avintagekiss24

Sam Wilson returns home to the small town he grew up in to complete his med school residency. He hasn’t been back for an extended amount of time since he left for college. While he only consistently kept in touch with childhood friend, Steve Rogers, he was keen to see the people he had grown up with. With the exception of Bucky Barnes. They had a falling out the summer before Sam left for college. What happened between them? Can they move past it now that they’re adults?

Sam's Plan by OhHelloFandoms123

“I have a plan,” Sam said smugly, hands on his hips. “I have a three-step plan for you to marry me.” At first, he thought he was joking. Then, he saw Sam’s genuine smile.

Bucky groaned, “there is no way in HELL that I’m marrying YOU, Wilson.”

Wreck In the West by OhHelloFandoms123 for honestlyfrance

There’s just something about leaning on his chest as the sun goes down and the smell of tea whilst into the air feels so amazing. And he was a wreck because of it, it tore him apart and put himself back together because it was so blissful, he almost couldn’t breathe at first.

OR

Gay cowboy proposal.

Belonging Season by OhHelloFandoms123

Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes have lived their most happy, married life for 70 years. Death won’t stop them today for living an eternity.

neverending; by glittercake

Sam passes away after a long and happy life with Bucky, but Bucky never ages and life keeps introducing him to Sam's reincarnates for the next 156 years.

Lighthouse by glittercake

This guy’s trouble. Bucky knows that in his bones. It’s not bad trouble, is the problem, it’s good. Sam is so goddamn inherently good and if Bucky even touches that with a ten foot pole—fuck if he even looks at it—it’ll turn to shit.

He can’t afford another move to yet another city because his colleagues started recognizing Brock’s fist prints on his face.

But Sam is a ridiculously bright glowing light, a beacon, and Bucky goes toward it like that idiotic moth to the flame.

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