#hes not even SMOKING hes just reducing it for edibles

[helianthologies]

if i am ever able to live indepently from my family i swear to god i am never living with a stoner again why are you filling the whole house with rancid ass weed fumes at 8:45 GOD DAMN AM

[souliebird]

hi!! i saw your Matt x Reader getting high idea and loved it, but i’m not big on posting my writing, i js do it for fun lol. but yeah here it is, not the exact idea but it was fun to write!!

“hey, you okay?”

“yeah.. yeah i’m fine. can’t sleep.”

your hands trembled slightly your whispers quivered. you had slept an average of four hours a night for the past two weeks, your anxiety had just been… very persistent. mind constantly running laps around worst-case scenarios.

you felt even worse about it because your boyfriend, matt, got an equally low amount of rest. and now you were waking him up with your worries. you put your face in your hands and let out a whine in frustration.

“baby it’s alright, s’ not your fault, kay?”

“i’m just so tired,” your whisper broke midair.

“i know, you’re gonna be alright,” and you believed him for a moment. he took you into his arms and held you tight, whispering reassurances in your ear, having an invisible battle with the volume of your own thoughts.

—————————

the next morning, you met your friend for coffee. you would’ve forgotten that you were supposed to meet her if matt hadn’t reminded you. he had acted energized in the morning, as to not make you feel bad, but you could tell he was tired.

“have you ever considered trying weed? for your sleeping problems?” your friend knew about your issues, and no, you hadn’t considered it.

“no, the smell is awful. you know how matt is about stuff like that,” you mindlessly sipped at your coffee. still not enough to make you feel energized in any way.

your friend shrugged, “well, i am a therapist. that shit works. i get it though,” and just like that the conversation ended, the subject changed. but you were desperate for a solution, and the idea stuck to the back of your brain just like the overwhelming exhaustion of past weeks.

—————————

“baby? what’s up?” matt’s head perked up when he heard your heartbeat, he stopped his braille reader and got up to greet you.

you kissed him back and some small fraction of the world’s weight was lifted for just a moment.

“foggy did like, weed in college, right?” you asked tentatively, matt seemed startled by the abrupt question.

“hey, i heard that! it was definitely a chapter,” foggy called from the other room, now involved in the discussion.

matt tilted his head at you, his way of silently asking a question. he may be charismatic in front of the clients and in court, but at heart, matt only spoke when he felt he had to. you enjoyed that you were one of the few who understood his secret little language of gestures. his head tilt said, “why do you ask?”

“y’know my friend? the therapist? she recommended it for my sleep,” you were still a tad unsure about the whole conversation, “i don’t know. i know you’re sensitive to smells, and i don’t love it either, but i just feel like i’ve tried everything—“

matt cut you off before you started rambling and spiraling, “sweetheart, slow down for a second. first of all, i shared a dorm with foggy, and we live in New York. it’s one of the few smells i barely even notice anymore. second, i know how much your anxiety affects you and your sleep, so if you want to try it, it’s completely fine,” matt rubbed a hand up ad down your arm soothingly.

foggy chimed in, “i still have some know-how from college,” and both you and matt chuckled.

—————————

through your therapist friend, you had gotten some low dose edibles. you hated the idea of smoking, plus this would reduce the smell.

you looked at the clock, 10:12 PM. you held one of the small gummies in your hand, unsure.

matt came into the bedroom from the living room, “how’s it going?”

“haven’t taken it yet. i guess i’m nervous, i never did anything like this in school,” you admitted.

matt paused for a long moment, making his way to sit next to you on the bed.

“…what if i took one too?” he smiled softly, eyes flitting around your face, trying to catch eye contact.

“really?” you felt like you were infringing upon his night enough already on a daily basis.

“it’s really no big deal, i got dragged to a few parties in college. he may not admit it now, but he was a full-on stoner. i probably got a little high just from the second-hand smoke,” he gave you that wide grin you loved, and you giggled.

“…okay. good to know i wasn’t the only goodie two shoes in school,” you smiled as you took a second gummy out of the bag and placed it in matt’s already outstretched palm, which he put in his mouth immediately.

you let out a confident sigh and ate yours, too.

matt sensed that your nerves were still present and squeezed your hand before getting up to do some work, “let me know when it kicks in,” he pecked you on the cheek before going to his laptop in the kitchen.

you just flopped onto your back and let yourself sink into the bed, checking your phone occasionally.

you looked at the clock again right before matt came back in, it was 10:30.

“hey, baby, i think i feel it,” you could tell from the way that his sentence trailed off that matt was definitely high. as you looked at him and felt a sense of pleasant unawareness you realized that you were too.

“same here,” you said as matt practically climbed onto you and spooned you for a few seconds before switching up and laying half on top of you, his arms around you as he breathed you in like a drug. much more powerful than some weed.

“mm my senses are a little duller… can’t block anything.. all of it is you,” he mumbled into your neck.

you felt the opposite. for the first time in a while, your thoughts silenced themselves.

“matt, i think m’ not worrying anymore,” you ran your fingers through his hair lightly. he had just told you that his senses were running amok, and you didn’t want him to get overwhelmed.

“foggy might’ve been into something in college—“ you felt his lips curl isn’t a smile against your neck, “i miss college sometimes. but also i don’t. felt like that was when i was the most blind, right? people treated me very blind. to be fair, i am blind. those glasses probably didn’t help. i like my glasses now. more mysterious. do you think they make me look mysterious?” he mumbled and rambled. you laughed.

“yes, matty, they make you look very mysterious. but i like your eyes without the glasses. a lot,” you admitted in your daze.

“mm, i only like when you see them. or foggy and karen. other people get uncomfortable cuz they can see i’m not looking. i can hear their heartbeats, it speeds up just a little for a bit when i first take off my glasses and then any time i try to look up. that doesn’t happen with you. i love your heartbeat, and how you are. i love you,” he kissed your neck and you felt your face heat up just a little bit. he pushed himself up and off of you with his arms on either side of your torso and kissed you gently but long on the lips.

“i love you too, murdock,” you whispered when he slowly pulled away. you immediately reattached your lips and made a mediocre effort to flip over and straddle matt.

his strong hands helped you, and you leaned down to kiss him, this time deepening the kiss. both of your kisses were slowed by the haze in your minds.

after being in one long, loving kiss for what could have been forever, you pulled away just slightly and realized how much you needed to take a proper breath.

matt chuckled at your panting.

“hi,” he whispered, almost inaudibly, and in those beautiful eyes of his was a look of pure adoration. you saw it in the lines next to his eyes, the way his eyebrows relaxed, and the way his now-wet lips quirked up at the ends.

you ran a hand through his hair, “hi to you too.”

you slid down to lay down next to him, and you both turned to face each other, kissing once more as his hand came up to hold your face.

eventually you found yourself laid between his two arms in a pure state of bliss.

you woke up the next morning more rested than you had been in months, not even remembering dozing off the night before.

Ahhhhhhh I hope it is okay to pay this but I absolutely love it!!!!

I love cuddly high Matt and I love the insight about his blindness and his glasses. 🩷 This is so sweet!!! Thank you so much for sharing this with me! I just want them to cuddle and have a Nice time.

[toonblabbers]

Getting high with the bois

 Warnings: recreational drug use, sex under the influence, heavy foreplay, deep throating, oral sex (both receiving), creampie, overstimulation, orgasm denial, dirty talk

Pairings: Suna x Osamu X GN! Reader, Kuroo x Bokuto x GN! Reader

Rating: M (mature)

Suna and Osamu:

·         These 2 smoke together almost every night. It helps them sleep after a stressful day

·         Suna’s the man with the goods and hookups: pens, oils, pipes, blunts, bongs, edibles, you name it

·         There’s an ungodly amount of sexual tension when he rolling or offering to shotgun for you or Osamu

·         Can’t really tell when he’s faded unless you make him move from where he’s sitting or when you get him to laugh. He’ll get this dopey grin on his face and struggles to stop giggling

·         Please be aware of where Suna because he can and will lay down in the most inconvenient places. He doesn’t learn even after you tripped over him going to the bathroom when he was laying down in the middle of the hallway

·         Osamu is obviously in charge of the snacks when the munchies hit. His homemade edibles are better than any store bought one, hands down

·         Osamu is also very touchy when he’s high. Touchy like it’s a requirement for someone to be sitting in his lap or for someone to be running their fingers through his hair

·         His sex drives also goes through the roof so be prepared for him to randomly start grinding against you or the couch

·         Typically you’ll just end up sleeping in a pile either in the living room with a bunch of pillows and blankets or whoever’s bed you made it to

All you could do was whine helplessly as large hands pet over your heated body; your mouth occupied by Suna trying to get every last taste of the chocolate edible you just ate. Osamu busied himself with covering your neck with kitten licks and nibbles while pawing at your sex. It was just enough to drive you mad, but you couldn’t voice your frustrations. Right when you thought he would pull away to give you a breather, suddenly Osamu was there taking his place moaning into the sloppy make out. His tongue meshed against yours lazily before he pulled back to bite on your bottom lip, diving back to repeat the process.

“You’re so sweet” Suna chuckled into your ear, the sound of him licking his fingers adding to your arousal. You failed to notice when his hand had replaced Osamu’s down the front of your underwear. You moaned desperately against Osamu’s tongue as your hips bucked into Suna’s teasing touch. Suna Guided Osamu’s hands to play with your nipples while he moves down your body, pulling your underwear off as he goes. He nips at your calf slowly towards your inner thigh before switching to the other leg, giving it the same slow treatment. You finally snap when Osamu pinches your nipples at the same time Suna sucks at the sensitive skin where your thigh and hip meet.

“Please, please, please! Rin, ‘Samu I need you- need you both! Please just fuck me already, I need you both to fuck me!”

They smirk at each other after hearing your sweet pleading. Who were they to deny you any longer? They maneuvered you so you were on your knees with you face rubbing up against Osamu’s hard cock through his sweats. Suna sat himself comfortable behind you and began to devour you relentless; fucking you open with his tongue and fingers. Osamu takes advantage of your mouth hanging open to slide his weeping cock in, letting out a deep moan at the feeling of your mouth wrapping around him. He lazily thrusts his hips until you lips touch the light dusting of his hair; his cock throbbing each time it slide down your throat. They took their sweet time with you, but boy did they deliver once they had their fill of your delicious body.

Kuroo and Bokuto

·         Arguably the hottest duo to get high with. Sex is also a guarantee so bring something sexy to wear. Or don’t; the clothes don’t stay on that long anyway

·         They usually reserve smoking to special weekends when everyone has a few days off together, so their tolerance isn’t as high as the last duo

·         That being said, it doesn’t take much for them to get high quickly

·         If you thought Kuroo looked like a lazy, scheming cat before, he definitely becomes one when he’s high. Once he lays down, it’s hard to get him back up. He does it on purpose because he loves to annoy you

·         Kuroo becomes stupid good at video games. Any kind too which pisses Kenma off to high (lol) heavens. His concentration increases tenfold because his brain reduces the amount of things he focuses on

·         Needs to be touching something warm. Says his hands are cold even though he’s only lounging in some low hanging sweatpants. You know, the kind that do little justice to hide his dick print

·         He uses the lame excuse that his hands are cold just to have them on someone’s tits, ass or genitals. He honestly not doing anything but resting his hands on you or Bokuto but it’s enough to start a rise in you both

·         Speaking of Bokuto, please keep him in the house. He’s already a naturally warm person but when he’s high he just can’t keep his clothes on for the life of him. You and Kuroo have gotten use to his whole ass dick out

·         Bokuto is also the opposite of Kuroo: he is almost always moving. Swaying with the music, doing a little dance in the kitchen while he’s raiding anywhere that has food, bouncing his leg when he’s sitting down.

·         The only time he’s not moving is when he is literally koala’d around someone. If Bokuto has you in his arms he is not letting go unless something else captures his attention.

Kuroo’s hyper focus is both a blessing and a curse sometimes. Right now it was a curse as his long cock was practically piercing into your sweet spot over and over again. You tried to muffle your cries into the pillow you were holding onto, but it was a futile attempt. Kuroo knew how good he was pounding into you by the way your mouth hung open and tears streamed down your cheeks. A sharp slap to your already reddened ass cheek forced a sharp squeal out of you making Bokuto groaned. He was sitting on the floor in front of the couch with his fist tightly around his cock. He had to wait his turn after smoking the last pre roll without sharing. Both he and his cock were drooling at the sight of you being overstimulated by Kuroo. Bokuto wanted to cum so badly but wanted to do so with you clenching around him. Just the thought was enough to pull another strained groan out of him.

“Aww look at how desperate you look Kou. Go on kitten, look at how badly he wants to be fucking this hot, tight body of yours”

Kuroo grabs a fistful of your hair and pulls your body flush with his as his hips slow down just a tad bit. Through your haze you can see Bokuto’s body: sweating and shaking with need, his thick cock an angry red and covered in a thin layer of his own precum. His muscles pulled tight as he watched Kuroo drag another orgasm out of you; your voice cracking as you screamed, body shuddering as your thighs were coated with both you and Kuroo’s cum. Kuroo was no better with his head thrown back, moaning out your name loudly as he pumped more cum into your weeping hole with each shallow thrust. As your body flopped back down on the couch below, Kuroo sat back as he watched his cum drip out of you and onto the cushions. He was suddenly yanked back and Bokuto was on you in an instant, rutting his hips against yours like an animal in heat. His entire body engulfed your as he whined in your ear. You only managed to whimper his name before your felt his cock stretch you out. Even after being fucked open by Kuroo, Bokuto was still bigger than him; it’s always going to be a tight fit. With the way Bokuto was already slamming home, you knew you wouldn’t be moving properly for a few days.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Admin notes: Still new at posting smut so feel free to let me know if I missed anything in the warnings. If you have any other Haikyuu duos you’d think would be fun to get high with, let me know!

Taglist: @chaotickatts​ (send me a dm if you want to be added)

[lindsaywesker]

Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting at my desk, in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day. Welcome to Too Much Information Tuesday!

Following her resignation, Priti Patel has been offered a role in a new Asian sketch show called ‘Godless Graceless Me’.

Around 20% of AirPod owners wear them while having sex.

Hyperthymesia is the inability to ever forget anything.

According to positive psychology research, expressing gratitude is strongly associated with greater happiness and reduced anxiety.

During the winter of 1450, a hungry pack of wolves killed 40 people in Paris.

They say smoking too much weed can cause memory loss or, even worse, memory loss.

In 1993, a Brazilian man tried to rob a glue factory, but accidentally knocked over two large containers of glue when he stopped to sniff them. The police found him glued to the floor 36 hours later.

Being in a healthy relationship can make you more optimistic and boost your self-confidence.

Because using zero in medieval Italy was illegal (it was thought to be satanic), accountants had to use it secretly.

“Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.” (writer Doug Larson)

The average person farts between 12-25 times every day.

After investigation, only 1.8% of UFOs remain unidentified.

A federal judge has dismissed a lawsuit filed by a man who, as a baby, had graced the cover of Nirvana’s seminal album, ‘Nevermind,’ and argued 30 years later that the iconic photo of him drifting naked in a pool had been a form of sexual exploitation.

The average single male changes his sheets just four times a year, according to a 2013 survey.

Having an orgasm at least three times a week can reduce the likelihood of death from coronary heart disease by 50%.

In the Penguin Random House/Simon & Schuster antitrust trial, it was revealed that out of 58,000 trade titles published per year, half of those titles sold fewer than one dozen books. Less than twelve!

Boxer Sugar Ray Robinson once backed out of a fight because he had a dream he was going to kill his opponent in the ring. However, after being convinced by a priest, he agreed to fight. He knocked his opponent out cold, who was taken to hospital and pronounced dead the next day.

Some Australian roads are so long and boring, they have trivia signs to keep drivers alert.

In Wisconsin, the word people most often Google how to spell is Wisconsin.

Psychopaths are often immune to contagious yawning due to a lack of empathy.

On average, a person who is 6 feet tall earns nearly $166,000 more during a 30-year career than someone who is 5 feet 5 inches tall.

Your sense of smell has a stronger link to memory and emotion than any of the other senses.

People who remain calm when being criticized are more likely to have high self-esteem. People who become aggressive and lash out when receiving criticism are more likely to be insecure narcissists.

According to a UK poll, the three words which best summed up 2020 were ‘shit’, ‘fucked’ and ‘exhausting’.

The best-selling chocolate bar in America (Hershey's) doesn't contain enough cocoa to be legally classified as ‘chocolate’ in the UK.

Adopting an alter ego and thinking of yourself as a separate entity can boost confidence, determination and reduce anxiety. This is known as The Batman Effect.

In Russia, beer wasn't considered an alcoholic drink until 2011. In fact, anything with less than 10% alcohol was considered a soft drink.

'The Symptoms, Nature, Cause, And Cure Of A Gonorrhoea' was published in 1818 by William Cockburn.

James Franco's Museum of Non-Visible Art contains no physical work, just ideas. A 'piece' called Fresh Air sold for $10,000.

The food at IKEA is so cheap because their policy is to have the absolute lowest price on a food item within a 30-mile radius, even if it means selling at a loss. So if they take a hit on some food, they hope to make it up in furniture.

The happiest country in the world is Costa Rica.

Queen are the only band in the world where every member has written at least three number one songs. The whole band is in the Songwriter's Hall of Fame.

Male sparrows bring less food back to the nest if their partner has been unfaithful.

Tom Cruise divorced all three of his wives when they were aged 33.

Billy Joel avoids selling the front row seats to his shows. Instead, he gives them away to random people in the cheap seats, so true fans get the best seats.

Michael B. Jordan's father is named Michael A. Jordan.

In 1999, the first US winner of 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' used no lifelines until the last question, where he called his dad. When he spoke to his dad he told him he didn't actually need help on the question, he just wanted to let him know he was about to become a millionaire.

Caffeine is the most commonly used psychoactive drug in the world.

The average person has 13 secrets.

Okay, that’s enough information for one day. Have a tremendous and tumultuous Tuesday! I love you all.

[morganaspendragonss]

holly's august extravaganza day 29: can you beat back the night?

for @girlwhowasntthere - i know you said i didn't have to write this one but i really wanted to, and i hope i did your prompt some justice! thanks @221bsunsettowers for the beta!

@badthingshappenbingo prompt: be careful what you wish for

ao3 | 1.3k | hurt jaskier, protective geralt, vague references to murder and implied torture

He misses the bard. Geralt won’t admit it, not even to Roach, but he misses him. After months—years—of Jaskier’s constant chatter and the sound of his lute, the silence, once valued above all else, is too much. He fills it by talking to Roach, and tries to ignore the way he sometimes waits for a reply, for a brief moment, forgetting.

It’s been months since the dragon, since Geralt lost both Yennefer and Jaskier in one fell swoop. He’s cursed himself many times over for the words he said—to both of them—and cursed himself more for the mistakes he made to get in this position in the first place.

This is the lot of Witchers, to be alone. He accepted that many years ago, longer than he cares to recall.

So why, then, does he still listen for Jaskier’s voice in every tavern he passes? Why, then, does he look for lilac eyes and a flash of magic around every corner?

Of course, the silence that surrounds him isn’t true silence. It’s the sound of birds in the sky, it’s the raucous laughter of drunks in the villages, it’s the scuff of his boots against dirt roads. Background noise, yet still it grates on him.

Worse, though, are the songs. They’re everywhere, known by the entire world, so it seems, and Geralt can’t go anywhere without being confronted by one. After all that time, he learned to recognise Jaskier’s style even if the words were not sung by him, and it is torture to hear them now and not have Jaskier grinning smugly at him from across the table.

Geralt had hated that expression. It seems impossible that he misses it now—but then, once upon a time, it had seemed impossible that he could ever enjoy the bard’s company.

How wrong he was.

How wrong he had been.

The town he finds himself in nearly a year after the incident is subdued, which isn’t so unusual anymore. Geralt has heard all about the growing threats from Nilfgaard, though he tries to keep himself out of these matters. He has his job, and politics mean little and less in comparison.

The hunt had been simple, over in mere moments, but still, Geralt is in need of food and a drink, so he steers Roach to the closest tavern. It’s the most lively looking thing in the village; smoke pours from the chimney, a yellow light spills onto the flagstones outside, and quiet music accompanied by louder cheers reach Geralt’s ears.

He curses under his breath; there’s no chance he’ll be able to pass as just another traveller here. But his options are few, so Geralt clenches his jaw and shoves the door open, pushing past village folk to get to the bar.

“An ale,” he grunts, ignoring the bartender’s wide-eyed gaze as it flicks from his sword to his hair to the pendant hanging around his neck. “And whatever shit you’re serving tonight; I don’t care as long as it’s edible.”

Even then, Geralt would probably still eat it—good food is a rarity on the road, and edible is usually the best he gets. The bartender doesn’t say anything in reply; he just nods, still with that idiotic look on his face, and scurries away, presumably to let everyone else in the tavern know that the fucking White Wolf is here.

He sighs and stomps to a table in the corner, keeping to the shadows as much as possible, even if it is slightly redundant by now. But, at this point, Geralt will take what he can get, and even a semblance of anonymity is better than none.

The food takes its time arriving, and Geralt is on his third flagon of ale before it finally shows up, accompanied by several apologies from the server. He ignores her in favour of his drink, then tosses more coin than the slop she’s placed in front of him is worth in her direction, in the hope that it gets her to leave him alone quicker.

It works, thank fuck. With luck, that’ll be the last time anyone in here bothers him, and he can leave before someone gets ideas and decides to approach him.

There’s a commotion at the front then the music suddenly gets louder, and Geralt drops his spoon back into his bowl with an annoyed growl. He’s halfway to standing, food be damned, when his ears catch the lyrics and, fuck.

It’s that fucking song, and Geralt is willing to bet everything he owns that they’re playing it because of him. Well, he’ll show them just how much he appreciates it.

Toss a coin to your Witcher,

If he had a crown for every time he hears that, he’d have more money than he’s ever seen in his life.

O, Valley of Plenty,

There’s something… Geralt frowns and stops in his tracks, something nagging at the back of his mind.

O, Valley of Plenty,

That voice…

He turns to the stage, elbowing through the crowd until he comes face to face with—

“Fuck.”

It’s Jaskier.

*

Geralt hadn’t planned on murdering anyone tonight, but one look at Jaskier’s battered face and sunken expression has him seriously reconsidering. The thought of turning around and leaving does briefly cross his mind, but Jaskier was his friend, once, and the sight of him now bears little resemblance to the man who had travelled with him those months ago.

It pulls oddly at Geralt’s heart, but he chooses to focus on the rage welling in his mind; rage that the loud, brash Jaskier he’d known had been reduced to this despondent, lifeless shell of a man.

The music screeches to an unpleasant halt as he steps up onto the makeshift stage, fiercely glaring at all those around him. Jaskier won’t look at him, which Geralt might understand, if it weren’t so violently against who the bard usually is.

“Who do you work for?” he growls lowly. When there’s no response, he makes a show of placing his hand on the sword at his hip, shifting his stance threateningly. He doesn’t raise his voice when he next speaks, but the other musicians flinch anyway. “Who?”

One of the musicians opens his mouth, but the voice that comes out is not his own, but Jaskier’s. “You should be more careful, Geralt.”

Geralt whips around, frowning at Jaskier. He’s staring down at his lute, plucking idly at the strings, his gaze seeming a million miles away. If Geralt hadn’t heard it with his own ears, he wouldn’t believe he’d spoken. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Words are powerful; I thought I’d taught you that.”

Jaskier still isn’t making sense, and Geralt wonders—not for the first time—if he’s lost his mind. He doesn’t have to wonder for long, however, as Jaskier’s next words throw everything into a horrific light.

“You should be careful what you wish for.”

And Geralt remembers the djinn, the three scars that still line his wrist, the cruel words he spat at Jaskier that day on the mountain.

“If life could give me one blessing, it would be to take you off my hands!”

Not a wish, not exactly, but close enough. Geralt isn’t fool enough to believe it the work of some djinn or another—he’s more inclined to label it a mere coincidence—but he feels the guilt regardless.

He may as well have wished it, after all; he had abandoned Jaskier on that mountain, miles from any town or village, with who knows what type of creatures and monsters around. Jaskier, alone with naught but his lute, would have stood little chance against anyone who wished him harm.

And the worst monsters, Geralt knows, are people.

“I will fix this,” he promises, then strides out of the tavern, intent on his task.

It takes less than a few hours for him to track down the man who took Jaskier, and mere seconds to dispatch him.

Geralt takes Jaskier from that town that same night, and he swears to them both they he’ll never let someone harm him again.

[jackidy]

To Star Lake: Chapter 3

Rating: T Pairings: Todoroki Shouto/Sero Hanta Characters: Various Universe: Howls Moving Castle Au

Summary: A day of impossibilities starts with a mystery man, with mismatched eyes and cold hands, rescuing him in a dark alleyway as he attempted to go about his business and the pet name sweetheart being said a little too tenderly. It ends with another stranger cursing him in his own store after telling them to leave.

Things like this don’t happen to people like Sero Hanta.

AO3 Previous Chapter Next Chapter

----

“Stop fucking hovering, Deku.”

“He spent most of the night on that stool, Kacchan! What if he’s too sore to move?”

There’s the sound of something being set down, the crackling of firewood sounding endearingly angry as Sero is reluctantly pulled from sleep. Who or, rather, what was a Deku? His track record of meeting new people recently having been reduced to sentient inanimate objects, mentally running through a list of possibilities only to open his eyes and find not an object but a very, very human face.

Sero isn’t sure why he’s so disappointed by that fact.

It’s no surprise he’s as sore as he was the previous morning, if not more so, knowing he should be more concerned about the deafening crack his back makes as he sits up than he is, the concentrated pain in his spine seeming to bleed out into a more bearable ache that bloomed over his shoulder blades and rib cage. The kid, Deku if Bakugou was to be believed, was there in an instant hovering with his arms open, having absolutely no idea where to place them.

“I’m good.” Sero croaks, dismissing the kid with a wave of his hand, legs mid swing off the bed when someone knocks on the door, watching with humoured curiosity as the green haired boy runs down the stairs, back up them again, draping a cloak over his shoulders and changing his appearance with a pull up of his hood as Bakugou barks out what door it was.

How can it lead to Port Haven when Sero had come in through the wastes?

“Is the great wizard Frostfire present?”

His confusion of the name speaks volumes of how little information on magic had made it to the countryside, Sero pushing himself off of the bed with another grunt, smiling to himself when he notices his walking stick leaning against the arm rest of the sofa he’d previously been sleeping on. How had he gotten onto the sofa anyway? Surely that teenager at best hadn’t carried him over?

“He’s out at the moment, sir, but I’ll be sure to pass on any message.”

The glare of the morning sun makes him wince, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his free hand, blinking rapidly in the aftermath. He’d never seen the ocean before, never really left the small town he’d grown up in, living vicariously through Mina when she would talk so enthusiastically about everywhere she had visited to gather inspiration for the hat shop. He wonders, fondly, how mad they were going to be when he eventually came home and he revealed he’d finally left town, not because of them but because he had a run in with two wizards.

“It has been requested by his Majesty that all witches and wizards are to report to the capitol city at once for service in the war to come.”

How much of this would they believe though? The only reason he was due to the fact he was living it for how often did stories of curses, magic fires and scarecrows, and moving castles turn out to be true?  Not often enough to be true. How many stories of Shouto’s supposed victims had been proven false now? Too many for the concept of him as a heart eater to really have any credibility but not enough to dismiss them entirely.

“Oh, he’s not going to be happy about this.” The kid mutters walking up the steps, carry a scroll he deposits on the table, the form of an old man melting back into him as he pulled the hood down and cloak off. He jumps upon noticing Sero staring at him, Bakugou laughing at the teens expense in a way that was more cackle than anything else. “I forgot to ask! What’s your name? I’m Midoriya Izuku, also how did you get in here? Are you a wizard too? Are you one of Master Shouto’s friends?”

“I’m Sero Ha-”

“KINGSBURY DOOR!” Bakugou yells, cutting off Sero and pushing Midoriya back into a slight panic, yellow cape back on and the old man he had been moments before came back into view. Weren’t they in Port Haven? How were they getting knocks in Kingsbury? Sero leaning over the railing as teenager took a breath and turned the small dial above the handle, the sound of seagulls and the near by port being drowned by the clamour of a busy city, the rumble of cars and the sound of people going about their day.

“Hello, is this the residence of the wizard Iceflame?”

First Frostfire and now Iceflame, how many aliases did Shouto have anyway and why would he even need them? Perhaps he should stop going down that train of thought now, nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand, he has his own issues to deal with without getting caught up in the dramatics of wizards anymore than he already has done. Conversation with the men at the door over, Midoriya closes the door, resting his head against it before changing the small dial again, the vibrance of the city melting away into the dull pallor of the wastes and the gentle sound of rain fall.

“Sero, I walked in, no and no.” He offers in hopes of melting away at least some of the stress off of the other’s face, only for it to be replaced with confusion, the teenager still wearing that face as he walked up the stairs and deposited yet another scroll next to the one he’d been handed not even five minutes ago. Even Bakugou looks on the sceptical side of confusion, making it perfectly clear he didn’t believe a word Sero had just said.

“That doesn’t make sense, most people can’t just walk in here, especially those who aren’t friends with Shouto.” Midoriya stated firmly, a determined look on his face, Sero half concerned he was going to challenge him to a fight despite any assertion Sero may give that he was right and that he did not know who Shouto was, just the rumours that followed him everywhere.

“I’ve never met the guy.” Sero states flatly, earning another strange reaction from Midoriya, this time one of confused surprise, and an oddly smug look from Bakugou. Was he missing something here that he should know, the old man sighing before moving to inspect the cluttered counters around them, frowning at the sight of potions mixed with food, parchments filled with recipes draped over crockery that were perhaps beyond the point of saving.

How anyone lived like this was beyond him, knowing full well he wasn’t the tidiest but he’d never let his messes get to this point, wondering vaguely which side of the line between too busy to clean and too lazy to try the occupants of this house fell under. It’s why its so surprising when Sero finally manages to find food, still fresh and edible, hidden partially beneath a cloche, eyeing the bacon and eggs hungrily before looking up and checking for other ingredients.

Carbs. He was missing carbs, bread being the best suited for what he had in mind but he would take any at this point in order add some bulk to the meal. Vegetables he’d given up on looking for, the only splash of greenery coming from the patches of mould attached to what was once food residue. How was Midoriya an image of health in conditions like this, he was feeling ill just thinking about what layer in the deeper layers of mess.

“What are you doing?”

“Making breakfast.” He replies like it’s obvious, gently extracting the basket of meat and eggs from the side, wincing at the clatter of plates as they fell into the gap left behind, hooking it into his elbow and grinning as he finally spotted a loaf of bread on the table, still fresh and, with any luck, not entirely stale. “Do we have anything to make tea with?”

“Yes, we have a teapot but Kacchan doesn’t listen to anyone bar Shouto and even then, its reluctantly!” the panic in his voice is palpable, Sero only acknowledging his statement with a click of his tongue, setting the food down on a stool by the fire demon, turning his attention instead to the collection of pans hung against the wall. The second from the left is his best option, Sero thinks, big enough for two portions, maybe even three at a push, eyeing the irritated fire and wondering if it even ate.

“Oh, I’m sure he’ll listen.” Sero grins, perking up the way he always did when he was about to get Kaminari in trouble with Mina or vice versa, turning he cast iron frying pan in his hand. It’s a comfortable weight, pleasantly surprised that even with the aches and pains ridiculing his body he was able to hold it this easily, moving back over to the hearth, smile widening with every step as Bakugou started to look more and more like a pissed off cat. “Won’t you Bakugou?”

“Fuck off.” The crackle of fire wood and the floating specs of flame is more comforting than intimidating, Sero feeling more like he was in the presence of a friend than personified fire. “I aint doing shit for you.”

“I guess I’m telling Shouto of our deal then.” Sero smirks, voice dropping to a low whisper so Midoriya could not hear them, taking small joy from the way the fire seemed to still, looking away from the fire to the pan as he turned it in his hands again. He had become more daring with age, it seemed, knowing full well he’d have at least given it a second thought before speaking so brazenly with Bakugou. “Do I look like a man with much left to get fucked up by a wizard?”

The sound of steam, a billow of smoke, fire tempering down to a blue concentrated flame as Sero brings the pan down, flames kissing blackened iron and his hand hovering over metal to check how the pan was heating up. “Then have this curse from me, may all your food burn, bastard.” It doesn’t sting, no anger behind the words masquerading as a curse, Sero noting that the other seemed almost impressed again, electing to not comment on it.

There’s an awed whisper somewhere behind him of ‘Kacchan is doing what he says’, Sero shaking his hand as he moved it from the frying pan, finally hot enough, to the slices of bacon thick enough to be belly pork. Two or three? Two or three? He settles on three, unsure of if it was an apology slice to Bakugou or an extra one for Midoriya, a level of concern in him over the way the teenager stood shorter than him despite Sero having shrunk with age. Maybe this is why his friends referred to him as their dad jokingly.

Sero barely notices the creak of an opening door, the tap of footsteps on stairs, Sero too focused on the sizzling fat and inward lamentation at the lack of seasoning to give the new distraction his attention. “Master Shouto! You’re back early, you received summons from the palace as both aliases, what do we...” The teenager trails off before brightening again, Sero freezing as something cold radiates beside him.

Before a burning fire demon and yet it felt like all the warm had been sucked away, a shiver running down his spine as he looked up at the source of the drop in temperature and he feels himself freeze further.

Apparently, he had met Shouto after all.

It was the man from the alley way, the man who swept him off his feet and into the air, had let him float onto a balcony, kissed his knuckles and called him his. He’d not only met Shouto, he’d also been haunted by the man for the past thirty six hours, the curiosity over what it had all meant dying on his tongue as he remembered his bitterness from yesterday. It was Shouto’s fault he was in this predicament, Sero having only made the mistake of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

“Obedience isn’t like you.” A quiet quip, a light laugh in his voice as the sound of a gas stove seems to increasing in volume, Sero throwing himself further into cooking so he didn’t become lost in that voice all over again. Flip the bacon? Check. Add the eggs? Check. Empty shells lay on the edge of the hearth, the sizzle of opaquing whites an all too welcome distraction as the wizard spoke again, this time addressing Sero. “And you are?”

“Oh! That’s Sero.” Midoriya chirps in, Sero thankful for the teenager’s interruption, still not entirely sure of what he wanted to say to the wizard. ‘Thank you for saving me, by the way, I appreciate that the price of not being mugged was being a pensioner’ was too angry, too antagonistic for this time in the morning, smiling at the memory of his grandmother telling him that aggression should not be spoken before breakfast, least they sour the food.

“Here let me-”

“No.” His voice is firm, the silence in the kitchen stifling, as Sero looks up at the wizard, look as set as his tone, tightening his grip on the panhandle, challenging the other to try and take it from him. “I don’t trust people who let their kitchen be this messy to cook for me.” Maybe his new found age had made him too bold, watching shock overtake Shouto’s face before he’s laughing behind his hand again.

“Okay, that’s fair.” He leaves Sero’s side then, scooping up the eggshells and moving them closer to Bakugou, turning on his heel to busy himself with something behind the old man. A clatter of ceramic, the whistle of a boiling kettle and the awed curiosity from Midoriya that spilled from his lips like a waterfall, Shouto answering every single one with patience.

Maybe the rumours were incorrect after all, Sero surmises, turning to the table, pan in hand, to find a corner haphazardly cleared, for how many Casanovas spent their time answering a multitude of questions on the properties of rosehip tea from a teenager that was made of curiosity and wonder. He’s barely taken three steps when Shouto is by his side again, strangely reminiscent of the alleyway only this time the cold hand is on his shoulder, not his waist, the warm hand brushing over his own holding the pan before gripping it just above the towel.

Why wasn’t that burning his hand? “Here, let me.”  It’s difficult to not listen to what that voice, kitchen towel falling to the floor with a dull thump, hand slipping from his shoulder to the middle of his back to give an encouraging push forward. Midoriya is in the middle of pouring tea when he takes his seat, eyebrows raising in mild disbelief at the small bowl he is given in place of a cup, noting that the makeshift cups for both Shouto and Deku seem to be in a similar state of not being remotely cup or mug shaped.

Plate of food slide towards him, Sero nearly drops his head into his hands as Midoriya offers him a selection of two spoons and a fork, commenting a little awkwardly that he could only have one as ‘the rest are dirty’, Sero taking the fork, making sure to wipe it on his shirt before trusting it enough near his food. He’d been through the wastes and slept in this shirt yet he still trusted it more than this kitchen area.

“So, is there a reason why you’re in my kitchen, Sero?” His voice isn’t accusatory, just a gentle curiosity that takes Sero by surprise and renders him off guard. Shouldn’t he be more annoyed by this? Was a random man that much of a common occurrence in his home that he found no need to question it or was it something else? He daren’t entertain the idea that Shouto not only knew he was cursed but could see him as he actually was.

“I’m your new house keeper, Bakugou hired me.” There’s a choked noise from the hearth, Sero once again questioning where this boldness came from, focusing on looking at the cooling eggs as opposed to giving Shouto any form of visual acknowledgement. He’s going to end up in more trouble, the wave of confidence that came in the form of believing things couldn’t get worse seeming to have dried out already.

Things could get worse. There was still so much he could lose.

“It would be nice to have a more organised kitchen.” It’s Midoriya that speaks now, contemplative, Sero biting back a laugh at the offended noise from Shouto, feeling more at ease. He’s not sure what it is, something about the green haired boy is putting him at ease, the tension that was slowly building in his shoulders slipping away just as easily as it came. “Would probably stop customers commenting on everything.”

The younger pair slip into easy conversation, mostly one sided as Midoriya talked of practicalities within their art of magic, Shouto only offering the odd word here and there in either agreement of dismissal, Sero tuning out the conversation easily enough. Where would he even begin with a place like this? Eyes flicking from the pile of books and parchment before him, to the dire state of the sideboards, looking past Shouto to look at the hearth, grimacing. He hasn’t known Bakugou long but he already knows cleaning the mountains of ash and charcoal from the hearth was going to be an endeavour in and of itself. Maybe he should save that for last.

“Sero?” He jumps at his name, looking back to the magical pair and finding them both looking at him, Sero blinking owlishly under the mix of concerned and humoured looks. Why did Shouto look like that? What had he missed? “I asked you what was in your pocket.”

His pocket?

Wrinkled hands pat trouser pockets, bemusement clear as day when something crinkles under his touch, slipping his hand into his pocket to find a note. How long had that been there? These had been fresh out of the drawer when he’d put them on, his only handling of paper when he left the note for Mina and Uraraka, eyeing the purple note warily before placing it in Shouto’s extended, expectant hand.

Paper touches skin. Paper explodes into blue flame and ash, hands recoiling at the flash of heat as intricate details scorch themselves into the table, Sero quickly checking his hand for any burns before looking to Shouto, no longer weird in his welcome but aggravated, a tension building in his shoulders, something about the expression seeming weirdly familiar but Sero couldn’t place why.

The silence stretches as a pale hand presses against the table, the smell of acrid, burnt flesh filling the air as blue fire sparked to life around Shouto’s hand. Sighing deeply, Shout stands, the mark on the table gone and the hand that had been on the table now cradled to his chest, the remainder of his tea downed, his half eaten plate of food dumped into Bakugou’s flames.

“Move the castle seventy miles north, I’ll be needing hot water too.”

It’s Midoriya who first breaks the silence at the table, Bakugou cursing up a storm towards Shouto in the background as he turned to Sero, a set look on his face that the teenager was failing to not show as threatening. “Are you working for Dabi?” His voice is low, Sero growing more confusion at the sudden tension. He hadn’t known who Shouto was until about ten minutes ago, how was he supposed to know who this Dabi was?

“Kid I have no idea who Da-”

“Pass that on to little Shouto, would you.”

Something snaps in him then. A white boiling rage that was so out of character for him that it threatened to suffocate him. Dabi. Dabi was the man following Shouto. Dabi was the bastard who had done this to him. Slamming his hand on the table, he barely feels the pain from the impact, Midoriya jumping back from him and even Bakugou stops his tirade against Shouto.

“I do not work for Dabi.” He spat his name out like it was poison. “He’s the reason I-”

His lips seal, a pain developing in his vocal cords as he tried to speak of the curse, tried to tell the increasingly panicked looking teenager about how he wasn’t in his seventies but twenty four, how he’d been cursed for just being seen with his master. Sero’s attempts to speak of his predicament end with an angry sob, coughs wracking his sore throat, a warm hand rubbing his back as another cup of tea was slid towards him, the comfort Midoriya offered welcome but doing little to ease his mood.

“I don’t work for Dabi.” He repeated softly, the floral tea providing another performative sense of comfort, warming his old bones and easing the physical aches and pains that plagued him.

“I know, I’m sorry I asked.”

[askcharaandfriends]

How exactly do monster cigarettes work?

Gosh ok. Well. Monsters first saw cigarettes in human magazines and stuff. And boy did it look cool. But the cigarettes they found in the trash were... trash. The nicotine did nothing for them. Their magic brains did not get altered by the chemicals. It was just a stinky burning bit of paper.

They thought well, maybe we're doing it wrong? And basically invented their own cigarettes with assorted flavors and colors and stuff. Basically crushing random flamible, usually edible stuff up,(or tea. Tea was a popular filler) wrapping it in paper and smoking it. Sometimes adding magic to make it work "better." [Disclaimer: even if you smoke, dont do this. Dont smoke random crushed up stuff. This only worked for them because Magic.]

Fortunately monsters don't take lung damage the same way humans do. You know, because of magic bodies? But a lot of monsters thought it was distasteful and smelled bad. Rude to do in the company of others who dont smoke.

The main reason a monster would smoke is to either look 'cool' (teenagers, peer pressure) or reduce stress. While these cigarettes did nothing chemically to them, there was a large placebo effect. Some monsters really believed it reduced stress (like burger pants). Some monsters even could believe they were high at times.

Then we have Papyrus. He did smoke. It was a habit he picked up from stress. (I'm thinkin Gaster was a bad example and he got it from him). BUT then Chara came along. Papyrus knew enough about humans (wait! humans have physical bodies! with lungs! smoke would maybe actually damage them! i have better standards than that!)

And so, just like that, he switched to lollipops as a stress reliever. Since he wasn't actually addicted to smoking there wasnt actually much of a change. It worked just as much if not more (because it is actually food so it gives a little boost of energy)

[Miamouse does not condone smoking or vaping. I'd rather you didn't. It's bad for you and those around you. However, I acknowledge that everyone has their own reasons and recreational past times. But please for the love of all that is holy, don't smoke near children. Thank you. ]

[supimjustwriting]

Not Another Copy

Jeanne d’Arc (Alter) x Reader

Trigger Warning: Light Gore, Death, light cursing

Summary: Created from the image of Jeanne d’Arc. Alter finds herself always compared to her ruler self. How the Dragon Witch should be kinder, softer, more like her original self. Even her own master paid more attention to the original. Having no history to call her own. Jalter puts it upon herself to create a singularity of her own. One where she is the ‘Jeanne d’Arc’. Not some copy with an unstable spirit origin. Finally she’ll have her own story.

Author’s Note: This was the piece that Tumblr mobile decided to eat. I know that flowers are edible but please don’t eat my works. I’d like to share their full bloom and not just the title.

Inspired by the song Victim ~ Mili Listen to the song here

“Then it dawned on me that all I wanted was An approval that you're never willing to give” Mili ~ Victim

“Little sister! Would you like to join Santa Lily and I to lunch? I believe it’d be a good bonding moment for the four of us since Master is coming along too,” cheered a woman who mirrored her looks in every way. No. That wasn’t right. It was her who was the copy. Not this bright sun before her.

“I’d rather pass. Besides I have better things to do,”

“Don’t be like that. Come on!” The blonde woman grabbed Jalter by the collar, dragging her double along with her as Lily followed behind obediently. Mouthing ‘I’m sorry,’ to her older self.

~

‘There’s no way I could be based off that woman,” thought the silver haired maiden as she boredly watched her ‘older sister’ feed Santa Lily while she absentmindedly poked her food around.

“You really are the sisterly type, huh Joan? It’s really cute seeing the three of you hang around together. It’s like watching a real family sometimes,” Y/N said with a cheerful grin. “What do you think Jalter?”

“It’s whatever as long as it keeps her happy. I guess I can tolerate it,” There goes that nickname again. Why couldn’t she be referred to as Joan? Then again the simple thought brought a bitter taste to her mouth. Maybe a different name would suit her. Yes, she has the title of The Dragon Witch but that was given to her by Caster Gilles. The one who created with his selfish wish.

There are many timelines are there not? Surely, she could create a place of her own. A country separate from the world where she could ‘be herself’. She wasn’t even sure what that meant anymore.

~ 

Finally, she had a place of her own. Tears pricked her eyes at the quaint village before her. She wiped her eyes, a light chuckle escaping her lips.

‘How pathetic,’ Jalter thought to herself, resting her head on her dining table. ‘I swiped one of master’s lesser grails just to create this. A countryside where everyone knows me and I know them. Just how more mundane could this wish be?’

Those were her final thoughts before heading out of her cottage, greeting those who passed her by with a genuine smile. The Avenger servant went along her day normally, buying groceries, playing with the village children before finally heading back home.

Would this have been the life they lead if they never became a saint? Shaking the thought from her head. She laid in her bed, closing her eyes as she wished this simple life to stay with her.

~ 

She awoke to the sound of screams. The scent of smoke and scorched flesh stung her nose. Throwing the front door open, her eyes were greeted by a familiar sight. Flames consumed the village she learned to love with Gilles in the middle of it all. That bastard.

“Come out. Come out wherever you are, my sweet Jeanne. Where is my beautiful Dragon Witch?”

“Lady Jeanne is not a witch! She’s my friend and older sister,” screamed a young child. Burn marks peppered her pure flesh, her tears only bringing more pain to the fresh wounds.

Gillies’ turned to look at the innocent little thing, a maniacal grin painting his lips.

“Ohh! How adorable of you to protect something you have no knowledge of. It just makes my whole body shiver with excitement!” He glanced over to his ‘beloved’. “Why don’t you show them oh great one! Show them what you can truly do!”

Flames licked Jalter’s fingertips. Her face contorting into an all too familiar scowl painting her features. The silver haired maiden stood in front of the frightened child, muttering a quick apology before reducing them into ash.

She truly was foolish to try to run away from fate. The flames that burned her will forever be a part of her. That pain, the people’s curses. All those things made Jeanne D'arc Alter.

~

“Jalter! Stop this at once!” Her master’s voice rang in her ears causing a sharp pain in her chest. 

‘I’ve come this far, might as well continue the role of the villain,’ she thought to herself before laughter just spilled from her throat. No matter how much work she’d put into something it’ll all be reduced to ash in the end. She’ll never be able to leave behind these flames.

“I was wondering when you were going to show up. To think I was actually-” a lump caught in her throat as she watched the villagers cower behind her true self. Their blonde hair waving in the wind like a protective sunlight, a halo that she had no choice but to break. She never did stand a chance in the end, did she?

~

Soon enough she was surrounded by other servants. Gillies being easily defeated by a handful of riders, not even being able to summon any of his beasts from his grimoire.

Her mind went blank as she blindly burned each servant that went after her. Choked screams filled her head. Whether it came from her old comrades or herself. She didn’t know anymore. All she could do was swing her flag pole and reduce everything around her to ash once again.

Was her dream of having a simple village life impossible? Did she have no choice but to burn each bridge she came across? Was there even a chance for her to change?

With her spirit core weakening. Tears slipped from the dragon witch’s eyes.

“I just wanted something to call my own. I just wanted a life, a history of my own. Is that too much to ask for!”

Master smiled apologetically, running their fingers through Jalter’s hair before they disappeared back to the throne of heroes.

[magicmushroomedibles-blog]

Mushrooms as Medicine? Psychedelics May Be Next Discovery Treatment

Magic Mushroom Edibles

From addressing depression to facilitating manage alcohol cravings, researchers say authorized medical “magic mushrooms” have many probable benefits.

Psilocybin can have many potential positive aspects, but non-e get yet to be authorised by the FDA. Getty Images

Magic Mushroom Edibles

Soft illumination. Comfortable furniture. Art work decorating the rooms.

To the untrained observation, this setting is definetly a living room. Nevertheless it’s not. It’s a research facility uniquely designed to evoke convenience.

A psilocybin treatments session is happening.

On the couch lays a patient. They have attention shades and earphones on. Gentle popular music is playing. A few members of the explore team are present to aid guide the appointment over the course of eight a long time. Much of this time are going to be spent in restful introspection.

Trained professional medical staff are on-site, should anything unanticipated happen.

Despite the features of normalcy, the following therapy session is usually anything but.

Psilocybin, that active ingredient found in “magic” mushrooms, or “shrooms, ” is a robust psychedelic.

Despite increasingly being about 100 circumstances less potent as compared to LSD, it’s competent at altering perception with space and time period, causing visual distortions, euphoria, and magical experiences.

Unlike pot, which has seen some sort of dramatic shift each of those in terms of support involving legalization and known therapeutic uses, and MDMA, which has procured headlines in recent years due to the potential to treat PTSD (some researchers imagine the drug may well see Food together with Drug Administration acceptance as soon as 2021), psilocybin lacks the same amount of cultural cachet.

Then one could be forgiven with regard to thinking of “shrooms” since nothing more than a remnant of the excess of this psychedelic 1960s.

Although make no misstep: Psilocybin has a amount of potential medical advantages.

Research has shown psilocybin to have potential to help remedy a range of psychiatric and additionally behavioral disorders, nevertheless it’s yet to take delivery of FDA approval meant for anything.

Its possibilities indications include unhappiness, obsessive-compulsive disorder, kicking the habit of smoking, alcohol habit, cocaine addiction, chaos headaches, and cancer-related or other end-of-life psychological distress.

High-profile initiatives have also jumped up in recent months with Denver, Colorado, in addition to Oregon to decriminalize psilocybin mushrooms.

Nevertheless experts say they’re unlikely to distribute.

Psilocybin mushrooms stay a Schedule As i drug according to the Meds Enforcement Administration, significance they’re classified when having “no now accepted medical employ and a high probability abuse. ”

Many other Schedule I meds include marijuana, MDMA, and LSD.

Nevertheless, despite social stigma and legal green tape, researchers are generally forging ahead using clinical trials to get FDA approval.

Doctor George R. Greer, co-founder and leader of the Heffter Explore Institute, a nonprofit research center that will focuses on the extremely helpful uses of psychedelics, particularly psilocybin, teaches his motivations:

“Our mission is two-fold: one to do exploration that helps people understand the mind, as their pharmicudical counterpart, how all that will work, and number a few, to help reduce suffering through curing use of psychedelics. ”

The institute happens to be focused on two principal areas of psilocybin homework: addiction and cancer-related psychiatric disorders. Cancer-related psilocybin therapy is believed one of the most promising instances research for the meds.

However , considering the multitude of potential signs for psilocybin, it’s important to keep in mind that the quality of research also fluctuates widely, from sole pilot studies to help phase II and also III approval samples by the FDA.

Here’s what the current study says about psilocybin treatment for some likely indications. |

Unhappiness

Depression is among the the majority researched indications designed for psilocybin therapy. Since Healthline previously known last year, psilocybin remedies was given “breakthrough therapy” designation (a assessment fast track) by way of the FDA for the procedure of depression.

That Usona Institute, some psychedelic research middle, is currently in the intending stages of their stage III trial, that can likely begin this coming year. Smoking cessation and also other addictions

In a small to medium sized pilot study with Johns Hopkins University or college, researchers found which psilocybin therapy noticeably improved abstaining because of smoking over a 12-month follow-up period.

Matthew Johnson, PhD, link professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Johns Hopkins University School associated with Medicine, led this study.

According to him or her, psilocybin also has possible to treat other product use disorders, which include alcohol and cocaine addiction.

“The standard idea is that nature of these symptoms is a narrowed emotional and behavioral repertoire, ” he instructed Healthline. “So, [psilocybin] within well-orchestrated sessions [has] enable you to essentially shake people out of their process to give a overall look of a larger imagine and create a internal plasticity with which often people can measure outside of those troubles. ”

In fact , a little open-label study with psilocybin and drinking dependence found of which following treatment, either drinking and serious drinking declined.

Study workers in Alabama are currently conducting demos for psilocybin treatment method on cocaine dependency.

Cancer-related psychological pain

“There’ve been a few promising preliminary ends in such areas like the treatment of mind-boggling existential anxiety around people who are facing the final of life, with diagnoses of advanced-stage cancer, ” Doctor Charles Grob, teacher of psychiatry in the UCLA David Geffen School of Medical science, told Healthline.

Grob, who’s also connected with the Heffter Exploration Institute, has researched psilocybin extensively along with authored research about them, including, among other stuff, a pilot examine in 2011 at psilocybin treatment with regard to anxiety in of those with cancer.

A randomized, double-blind trial coming from Johns Hopkins inside 2016 found that the single dose from psilocybin substantially better quality of life and reduced depression and fear in people with life-threatening cancer diagnoses.

“The thing that we enjoy the most evidence meant for is cancer-related despression symptoms and anxiety. That will seems really robust, and I’d end up surprised if people results didn’t withstand, ” Johnson claimed, who was part of that will research.

Despite probable research, there’s virtually no realistic timeline to get when, or when, psilocybin will truly be approved with the FDA.

All a few experts interviewed just by Healthline stress that this substance can be serious for a host with different reasons any time administered incorrectly.

“It will only be implemented in a clinic as a result of specially trained together with certified therapists, medical doctors. It’s never probably be available out on the road where people may well sell it or even take too much, or simply take too many health of their pills from a prescribed, ” Greer proclaimed.

Psilocybin affects your cardiovascular system and can trigger increased blood demand or irregular heartrate.

It also has the probable to cause substantial and permanent unconscious problems.

���Psilocybin will always be more psychologically hazardous than cannabis, and additionally it’s especially damaging for a small share of the population who have got had an occurrence of psychosis and mania, manic event, or even, say, a detailed family member whose possessed those problems, since the device can trigger your psychosis or manic episode in a individual who is vulnerable to which, ” Greer talked about.

And there’s constantly the chance of a “bad trip, ” and also negative experience even though taking the narcotic. There are rare nevertheless documented cases of an individual jumping to their fatalities or otherwise behaving erratically in such a way that endangers themselves or some of those around them.

When Grob puts the idea: “Taken in out of control settings, honestly, just about all bets are off of. You don’t figure out what you’re gonna get hold of. ”

But psilocybin therapy is nothing beats taking shrooms for a party. It’s that will be a meticulously regulated environment to ensure that practically nothing unexpected happens.

“You name the risk, in addition to we have really good accessories for addressing that, ” Johnson stated.

He further discussed, “There are dangers, but they are noticeably reduced in healthcare research and probably in approved medical related use, and I might argue that all those risks and some of our ability to address these fairs very practically compared to many measures that are routinely applied to medicine. ”

Nevertheless, the safety along with efficacy of psilocybin treatment must definitely satisfactorily proved to your FDA, which, so far, it has not.

When others are optimistic this psilocybin may stick to in the footsteps involving MDMA therapy together with potentially even have endorsement within the next 5 to help you 10 years, its walkway is far from crystal clear and very uncertain.

As soon as asked if there’s a realistic timeline designed for approval, Grob shared with Healthline, “I don’t think so. Although the research we’re dealing with has by and large ended up very positive and additionally encouraging, there hasn’t been enough explore. ”

“There ought to be more FDA-approved scientific research with psychedelics, ” he increased, “exploring both ways to optimize their beneficial potential but also looking to get a better understanding of the number of medical side effects, which may be problematic… There’s still some doubts that need to be cleared. ”

[acerosu]

Yellow Fails at Topping -  A Poly Diamond Short

A little bday gift for @obsessed-with-diamonds

Yellow tries so hard. She really does. And yeah, this is NSFW.

Steam rose, vapor clinging to the many pipes that twisted about the room. It had been a long rotation setting up new laws and freedoms for Era 3. Blue hummed a tune, happy to not be sulking alone in her extraction chamber for once. Trails of smoke lazily climbed to the ceiling as she lit incense cones resting in a vessel by the edge of the water. White Diamond rested in the warm bath, soaking in the sensation of peace as she let out a happy sigh. Both had shifted their clothing off, comfortable in each other’s nakedness.

 “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

 White opened an eye as Blue slid next to her, nuzzling into her shoulder. She shifted an arm, pulling the Diamond against her.  “Of course.” Her cheeks turned a light shade of a pink. “It’s been distracting me all day since you two brought it up.”

 Blue smiled. “Well, if you don’t like anything, just say the safe word.” She wrapped her legs around White’s waist as they floated together. Eager hands stroked along her back in approval. “And we can always go back to just cuddling.”

 White felt lips against her breasts and shivered, thinking of what was to come. “Banwans? Was that the safe word?”

 Blue giggled, glancing up. “Bananas.”

 White raised an eyebrow. “And what is that?”

 “Some type of edible plant on Earth.” Blue massaged her hands up to White’s shoulders, both of them enjoying each other’s touch.

 “I see.”

 Blue leaned closer, whispering. “Let’s get you set up before Yellow arrives.”

 Still blushing, White allowed Blue to stretch her arms out along the edge of the pool with her upper back forced again the side. Restraints had been installed strong enough to hold a Diamond. She tensed as her wrists were locked in place. Lying back with her legs out in front of her, she gave a test struggle and found herself quite stuck with water coming up just up to her breasts. Blue stroked her chest.

 “How’s that?”

 White nodded. “It feels nice.”

 Blue grinned back. “Just you wait.”

 Blushing deeper, White bit he her lip. She watched Blue step out of the pool and walk off, water dripping from her naked form. Now alone, White waited, mind racing. By the time Blue returned, the mighty Diamond was aching to be touched.

 Blue wasn’t alone. She trailed behind Yellow, who walked in first, wearing nothing but her boots and gloves. In one hand Yellow clutched the end of a leash that led up to a collar around Blue’s neck. In the other hand she held a leather riding crop. Her footsteps echoed as she approached, glaring down at the waiting White.

 “The Great White Diamond, reduced to a slave. How pathetic.”

 Yellow’s words were low and harsh. She stepped into the pool, water coming up past her knees. Blue followed behind, her head bowed in servitude. Still holding an intense glare, Yellow shoved the end of the crop against White’s face, forcing her head to the side.

 “You will obey me. Whatever comes to my mind you will do without question.”

 At Yellow’s side, Blue out a giggle, trying to hold it back with a hand over her mouth.

 Yellow turned, frowning at her. “Blue!”

 “I’m sorry! You’re just so cute when you try like that.” Blue covered her face, trying to return to her role. “Ok, I’m good. Continue, master.”

 Yellow rolled her eyes as the last word was spoken with dripping sarcasm. Cracking a grin herself, she pulled on the leash, fluffing up Blue’s hair before she returned to her serious demeanor. Leaning down, she snatched up White’s chin in her gloved hand, forcing her to look into her eyes. The Diamond was already a flustered mess and getting rough handled made it all the better. She blushed back, mouth ajar.

 “Don’t even think about stopping until I tell you too.” Yellow growled.

 “Yes.” White whispered back.

 The grip on her chin tightened, Yellow whipping White’s exposed chest with the riding crop. “Yes, MY DIAMOND.”

 Quivering, White let out a breathy sigh. “Of course, I’m sorry, my Diamond.”

 “Good.”

 Yellow tugged Blue’s leash, pulling her closer. Rough hands forced her to her knees between White’s legs before pushing her head under water. Blue lingered over White’s opening, ready to begin. The taught leash kept her just far enough away for the time being. Yellow stepped over her, glaring down at White.

 “Let’s put that mouth to good use.”

 Face a full blush, White nodded. A gloved hand guided her mouth forward. Yellow was already wet, no doubt from fooling around with Blue before they started this game. Eager to please, White brought her lips against the outside of Yellow’s vagina. Below, she felt a tongue grace her own opening and tensed. Yellow gripped the back of her head.

 “Now now, don’t get distracted.”

 Struggling to catch her breath, White continued as ordered, tracing along the outside before sucking at the clit. She could feel Yellows fingers digging into her hair in approval. Wanting to prove herself, White inserted her tongue, backing out before going inside again. She wanted to keep a rhythm but Blue had decided to unleash her own skills between White’s legs. Trembling, White threw her head back, moaning.  At once the leather crop pressed against her cheek.

 “You wretch, too weak to even do this!” Yellow barred her teeth, forcing White’s lips against her once more. “Get back to work!”

 Still a mess from the wonderful sensation below, White tried to keep going. Her mouth parted and she gave Yellow’s clit another loving suckle, tongue joining in. The restraints keeping her back went tight as she tried leaning forward for more.

 “Yes. Good little slave.”

 Yellow’s grip was trembling now, her legs growing weak. She closed her eyes, trying to keep composure. Yet, White kept working, ever persistent. She had let go of the leash, allowing Blue full reign below, but even that did not deter the eager tongue inside of her.

 White noticed, grinning as she pulled back, returning to praise the clitoris. From between kisses she glanced up.

 “Enjoying the performance, my Diamond?” She whispered in a low, flowery tone.

 Yellow groaned, legs shaking as she sunk down into White’s lap. The riding crop sunk to the bottom of the pool.

 “F-fuck.” Yellow buried her face in White’s shoulder, embarrassed.

 Blue popped her head up, wiping her lips clean. “Yellow! Again?”

 Smiling, White nuzzled Yellow’s hair as best she could while retrained. “She tried her best, didn’t you Sunray?”

 Yellow mumbled something, still weary from her orgasm. Floating closer, Blue wrapped her arms around her fellow Diamond. Her hands stroked along the shoulder and lower until grabbing Yellow’s breasts. At the same time, she used her lips against the nap of the Diamonds’ neck. White watched as Yellow’s head shot up, eyes widening.

 “It’s alright, now we can have some fun with be big bad Diamond General.”

[healthyandfitness-diy]

via HEALTHY AND FITNESS https://ift.tt/31fhiP1

Ways to take Care of your Eyes

Your eyes are the most attractive features of your face. They are more than just a visual organ that helps you see the world. They smile, laugh, cry, when words fail, our eyes express our feelings and thoughts beautifully. You eyes are the most important part of your body, if your eyes are separated from you even for a moment, and then there will be darkness in your life. Therefore, protecting your vision is one of the most important things in maintaining the quality of your life. However, unfortunately, most people do not think about their eyes as much as they pay attention to their faces. Our eyes start getting weaker due to the constant presence of mobiles, TVs and laptops. In addition, our stubborn lifestyle, toxic environment and improper diet make things worse because of all these things, increases the risk of vision loss. In addition, wrinkles, dark circles, facial swelling etc. have become common problems nowadays. Taking care of your eyes, like your skin and face, will ensure that you stay protected against age-related diseases such as cataract, diabetic retinopathy, age-related macular degeneration etc.

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), around 2.2 billion people worldwide suffer from eye disorders. Of these, there are one billion cases, which could have been prevented, but they are left untreated. The WHO report has given a warning that, as people age, the number of people suffering from blindness will increase.

However, if proper eye care is taken from time to time, then the problems arising from it can be stopped to a large extent. In addition, to protect the eyes from diseases, it is important to clean the eyes and perform eyes exercise. Vitamin-A rich food should also be taken for eye care, which improvise the eyesight and protects the person from eye problems.

To protect your eyesight and keep your eyes healthy, follow these tips given below:

1.     DO REGULAR EYE CLEANING:

Due to carelessness of the eyes, problems such as watery eyes, burning, itching, redness of eyes, yellowing, swollen eye, blurred appearance can occur. Regular eye cleaning should be done to protect the eyes from these problems. For this, wash eyes thoroughly with cold clean water 3-4 times a day.  

2.     REMOVE YOUR EYE MAKEUP AT THE END OF THE DAY:

Always take time to remove eye makeup before bedtime. Never sleep with makeup. If you sleep with eyeliner or foundation, it can cause pain in your eyes. Sleeping with make-up at night stops the pores around the eyes, which can cause cavities and may need to be removed by a doctor. Keep makeup remover pads near your bed when you are too tired for your nighttime cleansing routine.

3.     PROTECTION FROM UV LIGHT: 

Exposure to UV rays of sun can cause damage to the eyes. Damage cause by UV radiation to the eyes is cumulative, this means it builds up over our lifetime and can have a permanent effect on our eyes and eyesight. The UV rays may cause macular degeneration, a leading cause of vision loss among aged persons. It may also may also cause some kinds of cataracts. Sunglasses prevent retinal damage. They also protect the delicate skin of the eyelid to prevent wrinkles and skin cancer. They can help reduce the risk of eye-related problems such as cataracts, pinguecula and rashes. Wear good quality sunglasses that block UV rays up to 99–100%. 

4.     USE OF GOOD QUALITY PRODUCTS

Shades or goggles should be used on the eyes while going out to protect the eyes from dust and dirt and sunlight. Also, use only good quality products for eye make-up. Makeup should be done on the eyes according to the need, ie, to avoid applying cheap products like eyeliner contaminated with antimony.

5.     QUIT SMOKING: 

Tobacco smoking is directly associated with several adverse health effects including eye problems. Tobacco smoking is linked with heart disease and lung cancer for a long time, but most of you may be unaware that smoking can lead to loss of vision.  Studies show that smoking tobacco increases the risk of age-related macular degeneration in eyes, Dry Eye Syndrome, cataracts, glaucoma and diabetic retinopathy. Smokers are also at high risk of developing cataracts and macular degeneration. This can cause optic nerve damage, which can also lead to blindness. 

6.     GIVE YOUR EYES PROPER REST: 

Your eyes also need rest like you. Avoid or minimize strenuous activities such as staring at a computer or phone screen for too long. This can cause tension in your eyes and can cause problems like blurred vision, dry eyes, headaches etc. In addition, you can use home remedies, such as placing cucumber slices on the eyes, to enhance the relaxation process. 

7.     ENOUGH SLEEP:

Take enough sleep everyday because lack of sleep is not only detrimental to your health, it can eventually lead to more serious eye problems such as glaucoma. In due course, glaucoma can lead to loss of vision. Shortage of sleep can cause dry eye, a condition when there is no adequate tears to lubricate your eyes. Dry eye can may lead to eye pain, light sensitivity, itching, redness, or even blurred vision. An eight hours sleep each night gives your eyes the opportunity to rest, relax, heal, and replenish so that they can stay healthy.

8.     EYE EXERCISES: 

Look at the eyes once towards the ceiling. Look at the floor once. Once on the right side and once on the left. Rotate the eyes in rounding eyes first in one direction and then in the other direction. This will exercise your eyes. Also, to strengthen the skin around the eyes, one should lightly massage under the eyes with almond oil. It also removes dark circles under the eyes. Also, anti wrinkle cream should be applied under the eyes. The ingredients in anti wrinkle cream are vitamin C and green tea, which is beneficial in preventing dark eye circles. ALSO READ: 8-EXERCISE FOR EYES TO GET RID OF GLASSES

  9.     PROPER DISTANCE FROM COMPUTER:

For the health of the eyes, it is important to work in the right light, whether you are working on a computer or studying. One can complain of eye pain due to constantly looking at something very closely or sitting in front of the computer for too long. Therefore, do not force your eyes continuously. Take frequent breaks.

10.     SUITABLE DIET: 

A good eye care starts with the right diet. A diet rich in vitamin A, vitamins C and E, zinc, lutein, omega-3 fatty acids and antioxidants is very beneficial for your eyes and can help avoid age-related eye problems. Include foods such as carrots, beets, oranges and green leafy vegetables in your regular diet. Foods rich in omega-3 fatty acids such as salmon and tuna are very effective in reducing dangerous macular degeneration. Antioxidants may reduce the risk of cataract.

 Lists of different foods are given below that you should never miss to protect yourself from eye diseases:

a)    Green Leafy Vegetables And Fruits: Vitamin A is the most important vitamin for the eyes, lack of it can cause night blindness. Fat-soluble vitamin A is most needed by the retina. Vitamin A is found most commonly in green and leafy vegetables. The carotene element present in green vegetables is converted into vitamin A. Therefore, eat spinach, mint, fenugreek, beans, etc. The intake of vitamin C helps to repair eye damage. Guava, oranges, pineapples, watermelons and grapes contain sufficient amounts of vitamins A and C.

b)    Dry Fruit: It is also beneficial to take dry fruits to improve the eyesight. Dry fruits like raisins are rich in vitamin A, beta-carotene, and carotenoids, which are very important for eye health. The anti-oxidant present in it helps the eyes to fight free radicals. Eating raisins daily does not cause weakness of eyes, muscle damage, cataract etc. Dry apricots have an abundance of vitamins A, B complex and C that are beneficial for the eyes.

c)     Zinc Food: Zinc is very good for your eye health. Zinc helps the retina like that of vitamin A. Without zinc, the eyes do not utilize enough vitamins as needed, so your eyesight starts to weaken as a result. Zinc is found in plenty in peanuts, yogurt, dark chocolate, sesame and cocoa powder etc. The ability to see remained the same throughout the age. For this, onion and garlic should be included in your meal. 

d)   Selenium: If a person has a cataract problem, then he should take plenty of selenium. Selenium is an anti-oxidant and helps in absorption of vitamin E, which reduces the age-related eye health issue. Fish, grains, eggs,chicken, tuna, liver and garlic are good sources of selenium.     

e)    Egg and Fish: Egg is very beneficial for the eyes. Elements called lutein and xanthine, which make carotenoids, are found in abundance in eggs more than any other substance. Eating one egg daily can prevent erosion in the eye cells due to the lack of carotenoids. Eggs are very beneficial for eyes. Eating one egg daily can prevent erosion in eye cells due to the lack of carotenoids. Omega 3 is found in plenty in fish, which is beneficial for eyesight.

f)      Almond Milk: Drink almond milk 3 times a week. It contains Vitamin E, which is beneficial in relieving eye disorders. Antioxidants like Vitamin E protect the eye lens from damage from free radicals. Vitamin E is found in all types of edible oils, and seeds.  Get into the habit of consuming them and include them in your daily diet.

11.     GET REGULAR EYE CHECKUPS: 

Get your eyes checked regularly to maintain good eye health. Learn more about your eyes and when you go to your doctor, get information about the eyes from them. Knowing more about the eyes and learning how to prevent eye diseases will help you to control diseases. In addition to making sure that your applying right medication, updated your glasses or contact lenses, regular eye checkups are also necessary to maintain eye health. Most of the serious eye conditions such as cataract and Age-related Muscular Degeneration (AMD) can be treated easily and successfully, if diagnosed and treated quickly. If left untreated, these diseases can cause severe vision loss and blindness. In addition, a comprehensive eye examination, including dilating the pupil of the eye, can help detect eye diseases that often provide no warning, such as glaucoma and age-related macular degeneration. There is no problem in the eyes, or not, but periodic eye checkups should be done. Diabetic patients, in particular, should undergo eye checkups from time to time, as diabetes has negative effects on the eyes and blindness can occur if diabetes is prolonged.

If you do not have any problem related to eyesight, then you have to visit the eye doctor:

·        Every 5-10 years between the ages of 20 and 30 

·        Every 2–4 years between 40–65 years of age 

·        After the age of 65, see the eye doctor every 1-2 years. 

You can take care of your eyes by following some tips given below:

OTHER MEASURES

·        If you feel fatigue in the eyes, soaking cotton wool in rose water and keeping, it on the eyes gives relief to the eyes.

·        Rubbing both palms and places the warm palms on the eyes for some time.

·        While working at the computer, position your chair according to the height of the computer. Which does not put too much emphasis on the eyes and never watch TV in the dark, it causes a lot of stress on the eyes.

·        Remove eye make-up carefully before sleeping at night.

[darkmindsthinktwistedthoughts]

Devil’s Temptation pt11

Warnings: Mob Styling warlords, Strong language

Masterlist

---

Chapter 11 – Spiral

“I don’t care about any of that just find her!” Takahiro’s voice roared in the loft space. He had been on his phone non-stop since discovering her disappearance. He snapped his cell phone shut and threw it on the coffee table as he took a crouched seat on the edge of the couch and ran his hands through his black hair in frustration.

It had not been easy to get out of that tunnel after the authorities had started to show up. Whoever had created such a disruption was clearly a very capable fixer. Who did this? Seriously the more I think of it the more it points to a professional. Once the official flashing lights and sirens turned up it was only thanks to the lingering smoke in the air that Takahiro and his men had managed to slip past them and returned to their vehicles. When the police knocked on the doors to check on the occupants it was easy enough to blag their way through the questions and be sent home pending further enquires.

There was no coverage in the local papers. The police had at least locked down that possibility. It was deemed an attack by an activist group and it was widely accepted that publicising such a thing would only generate the result that was desired for them by giving them publicity so the whole incident was covered with a gag order. It was one less thing to arrange. That worked just fine for him. 

At first, he had thought that she had just been spooked and had left the limo even though he had told her not to because of the gunfire. She was always running. He remembered her as a child when the families got together for talks all the children were thrown together and told to socialise. We were the futures of our families. Each one of us had an insane level of pressure and responsibility on our shoulders. There was no denying that it was a different and easier time though. Although even back then he was aware of the shadows. How they shifted in favour of one child above the others. As different as those times were, they were still riddled with dangers. Grr… where is she?

“Here’s your coffee.” The soft chink of the mug being placed on the table dragged Takahiro out of his thoughts. “You might want to charge that soon that battery must be almost dead.”

“Probably right. At this point, it's less a cell phone and more a space heater.” Takahiro sighed as he picked up the freshly brewed coffee and took a sip. The bitter taste did nothing to remove the already bitter feelings that had been surging in him. Where in the seven hells is that girl? Not one of the people out searching for her can find any trace of her. The CCTV feed doesn’t show her leaving the tunnel from either direction. So, she either didn’t leave the tunnel or she was taken out some other way.

No doubt his men that were out searching will report back soon. If there was a different route out, he would soon know. But if someone took her… His mind wandered to the agreement.

“Is there a chance she ran away again?” Shin asked the concern he felt beginning to show more as he watched how unravelled his partner had become in his increasingly frantic search. It would not be long before news of the runaway fiancé got back to the supposed to be father in law, and that was going to start a whole new issue. Shin knew it as much as Takahiro did. When agreements go bad its terrible. When official agreements go bad, you might as well as never been born.

“There is always a chance but I don’t think so.” Takahiro muttered staring into his mug.

“Because it seemed like it was planned?” Shin pushed a little. If there was any way he could help he wanted too. It was his duty as the right-hand man but also his privilege as a lover to relieve the stresses of a situation if it was within his ability to do so.

“That and the circumstances are different. This time she agreed. No, this has to be something to do with someone else. It has to be.”

---

Whatever colour the food had been it was now a swirling indistinguishable mess. The more the spoon dredged through the mixture the greyer it became. Mitsuhide did not have an appetite, and it was similar for the other men in the room too.

Breakfast was as lavish as ever. Masa had not exactly been eating more than usual himself but one thing the guy did when upset was cook. There was always a lot of food but right now it looked like he could have fed every member of staff in the building.

“[Name]’s hardly touched this tray either. I can understand her being upset but I wish she’d eat more.” Hideyoshi announced as he re-entered the room after collecting yet another tray. “She hasn’t opened the door to say anything since then either. I hope she’s ok.” Mitsuhide kept his eyes trained on the swirling mess in his bowl. Of course, she isn’t eating much, She’s feeling terrible again and it's all our… no, it’s all my fault.

“The Lass is in shock she’ll come around eventually.” Masa looked concerned as well.

Glancing over at Mitsuhide who had been sitting in the same position for what felt like forever. Masa grimaced at the sight of the breakfast he had prepared being reduced to… well, whatever that was. It certainly wasn’t food anymore. It took talent to turn something edible into something that just looked like lumpy grey paste. He didn’t have it in him to call the other man out on it and instead averted his eyes over to the food at the side wondering what meals he could make with the leftovers.

“I hope she feels better soon. Did you see her face when she left? It looked like she was crying.” Mitsunari sounded as if he was a lamenting prince that had stepped right out of a romance novel. Always the reliable good guy. I wonder if you have ever broken a girl’s heart into a million pieces. Or perhaps you have and just never noticed. How many girls had been broken by little oblivious Nari?

“How is it you can pick up on that and you are incapable of seeing how annoyed you make me?” Ieyasu sighed in frustrated wonder.

One thing you could count on when surrounded by this group was that at some point something like this was only ever one comment away from travelling down the path of family squabbling.

“Thank you for pointing out my failures Ieyasu I shall try harder so you can be prouder of me.” Mitsunari beamed with all his optimism at the fluffy haired blonde sitting next to him.

“At no point have I ever said I was proud of you.” Yasu instantly went on the defensive. How cute, the fluffy hedgehog is playing with the puppy again.

“Is that so? Well, I shall try to live up to your expectations in order to change that.” Mitsunari gazed down at his plate as he mulled over what he had just been told.

In all their years working together, he was the one out of the group who always strived for improvement. He was diligent to a fault. The fault usually being that he would be so totally lost in study that he failed to survive without interference from Hideyoshi. He really is like a pet.

“What might help is if you hang around each other more.” Masa chuckled as he added to Yasu’s torment.

“Kill me now.” Yasu sulked looking a little like someone had just poured a whole basket of lemons on his head and told him to suck one.

It was a strange atmosphere. no one was what you could call happy, so there was no lively light-hearted feeling to the room. But at the same time, everyone seemed to be attempting to make an effort to remain as normal as possible. The phrase “damned if you do and damned if you don’t” crossed Mitsuhide’s mind as he sat there poking his blended meal around its bowl.

“Mitsuhide.”

“Mm?” Mitsuhide looked up at Hideyoshi who had moved next to him at some point during the morning’s entertainment.

“How are you holding up?” Hideyoshi’s worried gaze was too much. There he is in all his mothering glory. Oh no, you don’t its unsettling when you look at me like that. I neither want nor deserve your pity.

“Oh? Do I qualify for mother’s attention? I’m touched… truly.” Mitsuhide smirked. There is a limit to how much of this… treatment you can take. It is not so much a question of how, but when do you blow up? Are you aware that this is one of my most favourite games?

“You might be able to pull everyone else’s strings but it doesn’t work on me.” Yoshi stood tall in an attempt to be intimidating. Do you really think such tricks work on me? In all these years have such tactics ever worked on me?

“Really? And there was me about to compliment you on being a rather good marionette.” The spark in his yellow eyes flashed as he delivered his retort.

“If you can tease, you’re probably fine.” Hideyoshi visibly tensed. “Honestly I just wish she was…” It was clear he was too tired and full of concern over all the events that were still playing out like a badly orchestrated soap opera to really wish to retaliate. And that was just fine with Mitsuhide. All the joy I derive from such digressions I find has curiously left me bereft of a desire to pursue them today.

“You wish she was the little girl you remembered? All smiles and gumdrops and rainbows? You cannot turn back time Yoshi dear… as much as we may wish too.” Mitsuhide finally let go of the spoon in his hand and picked up his now stone-cold coffee, drinking it as he looked out the window at the storm clouds closing in. You aren’t the only one to wish things were different Yoshi. I would give anything for things to be different right now.

---

Food was flavourless. It hadn’t been like that since, well since she thought she had processed everything from back then. Any semblance of normalcy she had regained evaporated the minute she saw that spectre in the tunnel. I tried telling myself what happened wasn’t my fault. Every time I woke up for that brief moment when I was happy, caught between sleep and consciousness I thought I could feel him next to me. How many times did I pray to just be left in that state?

It was raining pretty hard outside now. The heavy droplets pelted the glass and trickled down.

“Tears from the sky.” She traced a finger on the glass following the traces of moisture as they fell. “I no longer have any left in me to shed.”

Trays of food were brought and left at her door it was the same as before and yet different. This time they weren’t strangers. She knew them. She also thought that they were her friends to a degree. But what kind of friend sees the pain you are going through, knows something that could make it better and doesn’t speak a word? Was it as they said and they didn’t know until after the funeral? Even if it’s the case they could have still said something when they sent over her things. Anything would have been better than nothing at all. wouldn’t it? Would it?

Her thoughts were all messed up. Nothing seemed to be following a single path of logical thought for long before it was derailed and sent off in a spiralling tangent. Appetite was gone, her mind likewise. Seriously what next? I feel like I managed to escape the frying pan only to jump head first into a towering inferno. [Name] picked up her cup of forgotten tea and realised all the heat of it had gone. How symbolic.

She sighed as she moved to the kitchen and poured the contents down the sink. I could make another but I think I’d rather take a bath and see if that helps. Just as she was moving to the bedroom to undress a firm knock at the door interrupted her plans. If I ignore it, they will go away.

– Knock, Knock –

Or not…

“[Name]”

Huh? What can he want?...

“[Name] I am not in the habit of repeating myself. Open the door.”

---

[amarauder]

0.1 madame pamplemousse and her incredible edibles

sincerely, the blue and silver gryffindor

a princess of magic installment 

draco malfoy x reader

In the city of Paris, on the banks of the river, tucked away from the main street down a narrow, winding alley, there is a shop. A small, rather shabby-looking shop with faded paintwork, a dusty awning and dark, smoky windows. The sign above the door reads 'Edibles', as it is a food shop selling all kinds of rare and exotic delicacies. But they are not just rare and they are not just exotic, for this shop belongs to Madame Pamplemousse, and she sells the strangest, the rarest, the most delicious, the most extraordinary, the most incredible-tasting edibles in all the world.

Inside, the shop is cool and musty-smelling, lit only by candlelight. In the flickering shadows, great bunches of sausages and dried herbs, strings of garlic and chilli peppers, and giant salted meats hang from the ceiling. Rows of cheeses are laid out on beds of dark green leaves and all around there are shelves winding up to the ceiling, crammed with bottles and strangely shaped jars.

But look closer and you'll find these aren't just plain sausages, they're sausages of Bison and Black Pepper, Wild Boar and Red Wine, and Minotaur Salami with Sage and Wild Thyme. Among the dried meats there are Salt-Cured Raptor Tails, Pterodactyl Bacon, Smoked Sabre-Toothed Tiger and Rolled Tyrannosaurus Rex Tongue. The cheeses are of an unimaginable smelliness, some dating back to the medieval times, and each of the pots and jars have their contents written in fine, purple letters: Scorpion Tails in Smoked Garlic Oil, Crocodile Kidneys in Blueberry Wine, Cobra Barins in Black Butter, Roast Piranha with Raspberry Coulis, Electric Eel Pâté with Garlic and Prunes, Great White Shark Fin in Banana Liquor and Giant Squid Tentacle in Jasmine-Scented Jelly.

Underneath the shop, down a winding spiral staircase, at the end of a long, dark corridor, there is a door. A sorr that is forever kept locked. For it is behind this door that Madame Pamplemousse cooks her rarest delicacy sold in the tiniest little jar with a label upon which nothing is written. The label is blank and the ingredients are a secret, since it is the single most delicious, the most extraordinary, the most incredible-tasting edible of them all.

But even though Madame Pamplemousse sells the most-delicious food ever tasted, her shop is by no means famous in the city of Paris. And nor would she ever want it to be. For she makes enough to get by and is happy each day to awake at dawn, drink a small black coffee and open up her shop, serving her customers and meeting her suppliers. And come sundown she likes nothing better than to sit on her balcony above the rooftops with her cat, Camembert, discussing the day's events over a bottle of Violet-Petal Wine.

Camembert was a stray that had wandered in off the streets that had wandered in off the streets one night after a particularly vicious encounter with a pack of Siamese. During the fight, Camembert had lost one of his eyes, but this was nothing compared to what happened to the Siamese.

Suffice to say, he had since become known as a cat you don't mess with. From the first, he and Madame Pamplemousse had taken an instant liking to each other, and they lived together in perfect harmony, even though he would sometimes upset the customers by threatening to bite the ones he didn't like.

One person Camembert disliked intensely was a big pig-like man called Monsieur Lard. Lard ran a restaurant in the center of the city-a big, flashy restaurant called the Squealing Pig. The problem with the restaurant was that although Lard thought his cooking some of the finest in Paris, it was, in fact, absolutely revolting. Whatever he cooked either turned out too greasy, or too sugary, or too fatty. The other problem was that Lard used to treat his customers in a way that was even greasier than his cuisine. On one occasion, to impress a Hollywood film star who had dropped by for a light lunch, he served up a whole baby lamb deep-fried in batter and smothered in orange syrup, which had the unfortunate consequence of making the film star violently sick.

Monsieur Lard had a team of chefs working in his kitchen, many of them were excellent, but only a fool would dare criticize Lard's very own 'Specialities of the House'. For Lard's only real talent was to make people afraid of him. Experienced cooks, who had worked in some of the best and busiest kitchens in Paris, wobbled like jellies and began dropping things the moment Lard entered the room. Even the restaurant's Head Chef, once a talented cook, had been reduced to a quivering wreck after years of Lard's bullying and from being forced to prepare such revolting recipes as Pig's Ear Pizza, Kidney Burger with Double Cream, Offal, and Seafood Sausages or Crab Ravioli in a Warm White Chocolate Sauce.

By far the best chef at the Squealing Pig was, in fact, Lard's niece, a girl called Y/N. Y/N was sent by her parents each summer to stay with her 'big jolly uncle'. When she told them her uncle was not really jolly but a greedy, fat bully, her Mother nearly fainted and her Father told her not to be so selfish. So ever since, while they went off on Safari or a Round-the-World Cruise, she would be sent to work in the Kitchens of the Squealing Pig. This usually involved doing a lot of smiling. Lard was obsessed with smiling. Everyone-the waiters, the waitresses, the cooks and even the cleaners behind the giant kitchen doors-was required to smile at all times.

The resturant actually did quite well from the rich tourists and passer-by, who assumed the food has to be good since it was so expensive. And apart from Lard's Specialties, it was all quite palatable. However, this wasn't enough for Monsieur Lard. More than anything he wanted to become famous. He wanted to be recognised as a great chef.

Sadly for him, this wasn't going to happen. Probably because he was actually known as the worst chef the world has ever known. And the harder he tried, the more repulsive and ridiculous his cooking became. Until one day he made a remarkable discovery, and that discovery was due entirely to Y/N, his niece.

master masterlist 

sincerely, the blue and silver gryffindor masterlist

[ontheedgeofrecovery]

What was different?

Hang tight, this is going to be a long one. I hope it is worth your time to read. Also, I put a hell of a lot of time into writing this, so I really hope it is helpful for someone (anyone!) out there.  

So, I was messaging with a friend the other night (and by the other night I mean a few weeks ago because this took me forever to write) who I met a long time ago in treatment (you know who you are and I miss you and love you!). As we were talking about how hard it is to be in treatment, I started thinking about my own last experience in treatment. What made it stick? Why was it that time that I was able to stop the cycle of going in and out of the hospital? I have struggled with anorexia and restrictive eating since about the age of 7. It didn't turn into a full-blown eating disorder until I was 13, but the seeds were there around 7ish when I started to become very rigid about what and when I would eat. Anyway, it's been a long struggle. And then from 13 to 31 I cycled in and out of treatment. I literally have lost count of how many times I have been admitted - I don't say this to brag (I have noticed this is a thing in treatment), but rather to emphasize that clearly something was not clicking for a long time. In the summer of 2014 my treatment recommended palliative care and to stop trying to get better in the hospital. Basically, let nature take its course. 

I pretty much accepted that the only thing left to do was die, but then decided to give it one last go and embarked upon one of my longest stays in treatment ever (October 20, 2014 to August 22, 2015). Although to be fair, I "left" many times. Usually for a day or two and then I would come back and resume my stay. I am so lucky I found a place and a treatment team that was willing to put up with my flight impulses and always accepted me back. I went from inpatient to PHP to residential to PHP to inpatient to PHP, and then finally IOP. I really hung in there and allowed myself to get to about 90% of my ideal before I discharged. Which I don't think I had done since being 15 and being at Remuda. While I clearly think this is one of the bigger players in how I got myself stable, there are others. 

What was different? How did I allow myself to stay that long in treatment and sit through the discomfort of gaining almost double my body weight?

Well, there is no one simple answer, but I have been mulling it over in my head the past few days and I thought I would jot down my thoughts 1) because I feel stuck where I am at in recovery and maybe this will be motivation and 2) I don't have many readers, but for those of you who are out there maybe this will be helpful? So here they are in somewhat of a particular order (though these have changed over time in how they contribute and maintain my "recovery" (I hate using that word, because I still struggle a lot with food, but I am so much better than where I was and maybe this is what recovery looks like for me?).

Anyway.

1) Cannabis -  This is kind of what kick-started the whole journey. I was 31 and had NEVER been high. Not edibles (well, obviously), not smoking. Nothing. I was absolutely terrified of getting high. I had heard so many stories of people getting paranoid and having panic attacks. I am already so anxious that the thought of something making me more anxious was an absolute no go. In addition to that, I am a rule follower and smoking weed was definitely against the rules. 

My brother came to visit in March of 2014. I was not in a great space. This gets confusing because my brother and my ex are both named Nick, but we called my brother Nicky growing up so that is what I will call him here in order to differentiate. Nick had been trying to convince me to try smoking for years, pretty much since we started dating in 2008. I was steadfast in saying it was a no-go. However, Nicky made a compelling argument that I had tried everything else and was dying anyway so why not try it as a last-ditch effort to save myself. Or at the very least make the time I had left enjoyable.  

I did and it opened my world in so many ways. It made me feel more connected to a greater whole. It made me realize that I am not alone in this world and I felt less isolated. Coming to terms with this made me realize how insignificant I really am in the overall scheme of things. This really helped me put into perspective the amount of time and energy I was putting into something that was not contributing at all to the betterment of society, my relationships, and I was not okay with this. 

It also reduced my rigidity. Things just seemed clearer when I smoked. It was kind of like a veil lifted. I had more room for flexibility. Smoking also fills me with a feeling of hope (similar to my feelings of connectedness). Things just don't seem so dire and pointless when I am high. It seems like things could be different, that I can choose a different reality. 

And finally (I don't know why this is, but I would LOVE to do research on this someday), I saw myself somewhat accurately when I smoked. For some reason when I am high I am able to see myself more realistically. My distortion doesn't completely go away, but how I see myself is definitely closer to what is real. I would look down and see my body and be like, "oh shit, this is really bad”. This even happened to me tonight when I smoked. All day long I was feeling really uncomfortable in my body and seeing myself way bigger than I actually am. I hate to say "fat," because I don't see myself as fat, I just see myself as a little above average - which everyone tells me is not true. Tonight though, I looked down and was like, yeah, I am at a normal weight, but I am on the low side of normal and I could see it for a little while after I smoked. 

I don't know if that makes sense, but basically starting to use cannabis made me see things from an entirely different perspective. Throughout the summer of 2014 I gradually began to believe that things could be different. That maybe the amazing clarity I had when I smoked was how things were supposed to be. Maybe if I could get to a better place I would feel the happiness and hope I felt when I was high. Maybe if I gained weight things would get better. And for the first time in a long time, I believed it. 

2) My (now ex) husband drew a hard line in the sand - This was a huge influence as well. I started my treatment journey at Princeton (which I chose because I had never been there before - I also knew they had private rooms and that was a huge draw. Also, to be totally honest, I had been essentially banned from a number of other treatment centers for being a repeat customer and always leaving before I was ready). However, I signed myself out after a month.I had a million reasons - I was the oldest one there, they were making me gain weight too fast, I knew everything they were teaching me, it was depressing, I was sick of being on bedrest, it wasn’t fair, the staff sucked... on and on. 

Nick was PISSED. He had finally reached a point where he couldn't do it anymore. He told me I was not allowed to come home. He said if I came home he would either move out or that he would file for divorce. 

I was devastated. Nick had never done this before, he was never thrilled when I left treatment, but he also was a little happy to have me home and doing marginally better. I didn't know what to do or where to go, so I knew there was no escape, I had to go back to treatment. I chose a place near my family so I would a) have the support and b) if I stepped down I would have a place to stay. Nick made it clear I was not allowed home until I had put on a significant amount of weight and my treatment was onboard with a discharge from care. 

I knew if I was going to save my marriage and get home, I had to at least stay long enough to be appropriately discharged. There was no escaping it. Also, this didn't happen until a little while after, but when Nick did ask for a divorce, it hit me that I had become my dad. My father has a lot of mental health issues and my mom stuck by him through the years. But at some point, he stopped being an active participant in his own care and health. My mom couldn't do it anymore and she left him. The quote, “watching someone drown in a puddle and all they need to do is stand up” comes to mind. She just couldn’t watch him refuse to stand up anymore. 

It completely devastated him. I have always been afraid of becoming chronically mentally ill like my father and losing everyone in my life. By continuing to go in and out of treatment and cycle in and out of doing well enough to maintain relationships I was going to follow in the exact footsteps as my father. I see how miserable his life is and I continue to use that image to push to not listen to everything the eating disorder tells me. 

3) I wanted my dogs back/needed to get out of where I was living - In May of 2015 (when I was in PHP and living at my mom's boyfriend's - his name is Don - house) Nick asked for a divorce. I was doing pretty well in treatment, still struggling and being non-compliant at times, but continuing to attend every day and slowly weight restore. I still don't know entirely when the scales (no pun intended) tipped, but they did. I don't know if Nick realized how much more peaceful his life was without the eating disorder or if he just didn't believe things would change. Regardless, he said he was going to file for divorce. 

I went from "staying at Don's house" to living at Don's house in one phone call. To say I was devastated is an understatement. In fact, I am still devastated. I saw my parent's marriage end because my dad couldn't get sober and now I had done the same thing in my own marriage. I lost the person I was closest with because of the eating disorder. I guess, in a way, this was part of what kept me at treatment as well - the hope that I would get well and Nick would take me back. I still hope this will happen, but I know it won't. Anyhow, I digress.

Living at Don's house sucked. I was living with my mom again at age 32. I felt like such a failure. It wasn't even my mom's house I was staying at, it was her boyfriend's. It was not comfortable living there, it was awkward. It was awkward sharing a space with Don and his son who has a lot of anger issues. My bedroom was uncomfortable. I slept on a twin bed for the first time since I was a teenager and it was lopsided. It was out in rural NH and I hated that all my friends and anything to do was a quite a drive away. Everyone in the house smoked cigarettes and I hate the smell. But what I hated most was I was not allowed to have my dogs. 

My dogs are the most important thing in the world to me. I love those little beasts so fucking much it hurts at times. And I hadn't seen them in 7 months. I absolutely needed to get myself out of that house and get my dogs back. However, I could not do this without a job. And I could not get a job while I was still struggling so much with eating and reliant upon the structured schedule PHP was providing for me. I made it my mission to get to a point where I could hold a job and get my own apartment. If I was going to stay well long term and not have to be re-hospitalized, I knew I had to give myself more cushion room in terms of weight gain than I ever have before. 

4) Yoga - Yoga has become really trendy lately and with good reason. There are so many benefits to yoga that go far beyond the physical. For me, the primary thing I learned in yoga is that if you stay persistent, the uncomfortable gets more comfortable. And things that seem impossible become possible. 

I have a very special relationship with avoidance and perfectionistic behaviors. I tend to avoid things I am not good at or not even try at all. I hate being uncomfortable. Like, no one likes being uncomfortable, but I have a particularly difficult time with it. Not being good at something and building the skills you need to get better is often very uncomfortable. I pretty much have always shied away from things that challenge me to the point of being uncomfortable. This is for a couple of reasons 1) I hate not being good at things 2) It doesn't seem worth my time if I suck 3) Getting better at things requires being uncomfortable at some point and I don't like it. 

I often do not stick with things that I am not good at or require discomfort on my part. I will try to pick up a hobby and not be good at it and quit. Or I will try to get myself in better shape by trying to lift weights or run and it makes me feel discomfort, so I quit. Although I go to the gym every day, I will not do anything beyond walking because pushing myself physically is uncomfortable (though I will walk 7 miles in a go, I hate breaking a sweat). I don't like to eat because I have a nauseous stomach and that is uncomfortable. I don't like to try new things because the unknown is scary, so I avoid it. Basically, what I am saying is I never stick with anything long enough to see the discomfort dissipate and the rewards of tolerating the discomfort come through. i.e. weight restoration, facing fear foods, sitting with the feeling of food in my stomach, making choices about what to eat, physical activity, anything I am not immediately good at. 

Yoga at first seemed like a thing to get into because I wasn't allowed to really exercise and at least it was some physical movement. I was so desperate to be able to move more that I didn't care that I wasn't very good at it. Also, I went to a gentle yoga studio and everyone there was so accepting and welcoming to people who were just getting into yoga. I kept going to yoga and I actually started to get better at it. I didn't feel any pressure to be getting better, but I began to see it happen anyway.

I started taking harder classes. I started to learn to breathe through the uncomfortable poses. That they would end and that next time I did them they would be easier. A friend of mine sent me a yoga sequence and it was hard. Like, an hour long with a million chaturangas (when you lower yourself like a pushup, into up dog and go back into downward dog). The first couple times I did it I couldn't do all the chaturangas, so I skipped a lot of them. But as I did it everyday, I was able to do more and more. Eventually, I could do the whole sequence and even the jump back from crow into chaturanga! 

Committing to doing yoga every day was the first time I really stuck with something through the uncomfortable learning period and allowed myself to see the benefits of my practice. It started t make sense to me that other areas of my life could be similar to yoga - that if I didn't focus so much on the discomfort in the moment and rather on the fact that it would pass and I would be better for tolerating it that I would gain skills. I finally got that part of growing and evolving involves a certain amount of discomfort and acceptance that you won't see results right away. Yoga has taught me so much. To accept my limitations and also to push them, to breathe through discomfort, to not be so hard on myself, and that I am capable of growth and change. 

Here is a great little blurb on Reddit about discomfort and yoga: https://www.reddit.com/r/yoga/comments/5hc0b2/yoga_has_taught_me_to_welcome_discomfort_into_my/ 5) I agreed to medications - I have always had a not so great relationship with medications. I have a ton of side effects and I just really don't like taking them. Over the years I have gone on and off medications so many times. I will take them for a while, go off them, fall apart, go back on them, not really get better, have side effects, go off them - you get the idea. Even when I found something that helped I would frequently go off it after a time because I really didn't want to be on meds. 

I finally got desperate enough that I thought, hey, it improves my quality of life, fuck it. Even if the medications shorten my lifespan (worst-case scenario) then at least I had some years with decreased mental health issues. I started to really talk to a psychiatrist about finding something that worked. It was trial and error and took a little bit of time to find the right meds that a) helped and b) didn't cause horrible side effects. The two medications I am on certainly do not get rid of the obsessive thoughts or the anxiety, but they certainly make it way more manageable. 

I don't feel as much like a prisoner of my brain or that my brain is a prison - either or. And I have remained compliant instead of being like, "oh things are better, I don't need these!" Because I do need them. I have a brain-based illness and I wouldn't turn down medications if I had any other disease of the body, so really this is no different. 

6) I went slowly but surely - I stayed in treatment for a loooonnngggg time and took weight restoration pretty slowly. It sucked and I so wanted to get back to life, but every time I have done weight restoration the quick and dirty way in the past, it didn't stick. I would either leave treatment early because it was happening too fast and I was too uncomfortable. Or I would leave treatment and be unable to adjust to my new body and rapidly relapse. I knew I had to do things differently. I was very lucky I had good insurance and a treatment that was willing to work with me. Also, not lucky, but I have comorbid mental health issues (anxiety and OCD) that helped keep insurance covering me. 

7) I gave up trying to eat intuitively - This is a big one too. I always thought that recovery looked like eating normally. For me, it doesn't look like what most people would classify as normal. It is very regimented and I eat a lot of very safe foods. And I used to think that meant I wasn't in recovery and why keep trying. I might as well go back to listening to what my brain tells me and not eat. I mean, if I couldn't eat normally, why even bother?

I decided to try something different than what is encouraged in treatment. I began to eat the same thing every day. The same exact thing at the same exact times. No matter how I felt. This helped me for many reasons 1) I got used to the foods I was eating and desensitized myself a little 2) It took the overwhelming choice of what to eat out of the equation. Deciding what to eat is really stressful for me and so I often avoid it. Eating the same thing every day meant I didn't have to make decisions 3) I could stop counting calories. If I eat the same exact thing every day there is no reason to count calories. I did at first but eventually seeing the same number every day seemed like a waste of time and unnecessary. 4) I am super routine, so once I get in the groove of something, I stick with it. Now even when I feel nauseous or I had a rough day and don't feel like eating or I am having an uncomfortable body image day I still eat at my scheduled times, because, well, routine. It is more uncomfortable for me to break my routine at this point than it is just to eat what I have eaten every day for 3 years. 

I am not saying this is a great long term solution, but for people with chronic and severe anorexia, it is better than anything else I have found in managing a healthy weight. Like I said, maybe this is what recovery looks like for me right now. I hope it gets better in the future, but I am just happy to be participating in life.

8) I eliminated almost everyone I was in treatment with from my social media - Well, not everyone, but other people who were cycling in and out of treatment like I was. It just wasn’t healthy for me to see their posts. People would post how they were going back into treatment or pictures of them that were incredibly triggering. So, I didn’t want to see that anymore. It made me feel like there was no hope when I would see someone doing well no longer doing well. Or to see the constant treatment posts. Some people glorified being sick or seemed to take pride in how sick they would get or how much weight they had lost. It was just a world I needed to step back from. For me, I experienced a lot of competitive and self-destructive feelings when I would see people thinner/sicker than me. I would feel either a) I wasn’t really sick enough to need help and b) jealous they were thinner than me (I hate this part of the eating disorder and I am kind of ashamed to admit this here). 

I also needed to build a community that wasn’t treatment based so I wouldn’t miss it. I grew strong relationships in treatment that I had a hard time finding in the real world. Treatment and the community within it didn’t consciously keep me ill, but when I wasn’t there and I would see group pictures. It made me feel as though I needed to go back to the safety and community of treatment. Again, I just needed to focus on something other than anorexia to escape the cyclical pattern I was in. 

I certainly kept in touch with some people who continue to struggle, but these are the people I regularly talk to and have authentic, real friendships with - not people I just followed because we spent time in treatment together. It was sad to unfriend these people, but I just needed to build a life outside of treatment and to focus on my friendships that had nothing to do with eating disorders. It helped me regain an identity outside of anorexia. I needed to be exposed to normalcy around eating after being surrounded by people who struggled with food/weight/body image. I needed to start to have conversations outside of my obsession and dysfunctional relationship with food. 

Anyway, that was long, but I hope there were some nuggets in there that helps someone. Thanks for sticking with me through to the end if you read this! 

[friedkingdomtragedy]

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[danandthereader]

Could you write about Dan trying to make the reader a fancy homemade dinner, but messing it up terribly because he can't cook?

A/N: Okay, so this is totally cute, and something I totally think Dan would do. I don’t know why, but I can’t imagine him as the best cook; he does try really hard though, and when he does, it shows ! Thank you so much for sending this in and letting me indulge in this sweet prompt. Heart you !♡

WHERE THERE’S SMOKE

Walking in through the door, you smelt it before you saw it, something burning. It was a surprise, to say the least - you had made sure to turn everything off before leaving for the day - but the surprise very quickly morphed into panic, making you drop your bag and slam the door, quickly walking inside and into the kitchen.The noise must have spooked him, because when you came to the doorway, there was Dan, hair pulled back and eyes wide, staring at you with a fine mixture of confusion and fright on his face. “What’s burning?” Your voice had pitched into worry, not quite registering the fact that there was also a wooden spoon in his hand, and the stove was being manned. “Uh… Nothing anymore, ” he responded slowly, blinking. “Just don’t look in the sink.” Blinking as well, you relaxed when he begun to laugh. Approaching him, you followed his instruction to not look in the sink, passing it and the strong smell of burning.Maybe you sounded like a child when you asked, but the question was out before you could stop it. “What’re you doing?” The smile was there too, growing with each footstep, not stopping when you ended up at his side. “Cooking,” he told you easily, not looking from the skillet in front of him. A pause. “Why?” You looked to him, and he laughed. Normally you were the one who cooked, Dan having better luck turning things into charcoal than anything edible. “Why not?” He shrugged his thin shoulders. Looking back to the contents in front of him, you realized just what he was making - veggies in a skillet, sizzling on a low heat and speckled in brown. There was also something in the stove - the light inside it was on - but when you tilted your head, he told you, “Don’t look! It’s a surprise.” You laughed too, scooting away and finding a seat on one of the counter tops.

For a few moments, you let him do his thing, then you asked again, “So, what’s the occasion?” He glanced over at you. “Usually when we eat homemade, I cook. And it’s not our anniversary, or either of our birthdays…” You trailed off, thinking. “Did something good happen at work?” When you perked up at the thought, he chuckled. “Nope.” You deflated, fake-pouting for dramatic effect. “Just wanted to do something special for you.” The statement made your chest warm. “Can I ask what’s in the sink?” A long pause. “It was chicken.” Ouch.Putting a lid on the skillet and turning the stovetop dial, Dan finally turned to you. “All right. Bedroom. C’mon.” Putting down the spoon, he walked over, took your hand, tugged you off the counter, and lead you into your shared room. “Let’s get changed.” Your eyebrows raised. Changed? “It’s just dinner, Dan,” you replied slowly as he let go of your hand. Looking back at you, eyes soft and smile gentle, he replied, “Yeah, but it doesn’t have to be just dinner.” He shrugged one shoulder, peeling his t-shirt off and changing into a button-up. To say all of this was strange was an understatement, but it was sweet. It wasn’t often the two of you did special stuff like this, especially unprompted, so it was best for you to just roll with it. Changing from your normal attire into one of your prettier dresses, the only thing the two of you opted not to do was put on shoes, keeping to just your socks. When you were both finished, you looked at each other and smiled. “You look very handsome,” you complimented as he held his thin arm out for you to take. Winding yours and his together, he told you, “And you look absolutely gorgeous.”Leading you out into the living area, you noticed just then what he had done to the sitting area. The little end table had been set up with candle and two wine glasses, and there were two small cushions on the floor, obviously for the two of you. I must’ve missed this on the way in, you realized, taken aback by the thought that went into this. “Go ahead and get comfy. I’ll be out in just a sec.” With a kiss to your temple, he let go of your arm, going back to the kitchen to finish preparing.

Walking a little closer to the setup, you were almost afraid to sit down, all of it looking very pretty and fancy. The candles hadn’t been lit yet, but there was a box of matches sitting near the edge of the table. Looking over your shoulder, you decided to help out a little bit as well. Picking up the matchbox, you pulled a little stick out, ran it across the strip, and ignited the first two candle wicks. You did it again for the last three, all without burning yourself, and blew it out with a triumphant smile.“Shit!”Looking over to the doorway, you waited for a moment, then called back, “Dan?” Silence. “You okay?” More silence. Putting down the matchbox, you walked over and into the doorway of the kitchen, smoke and heat a wall between you and Dan, who was caught somewhere in the middle of it. It hadn’t gotten thick, but it was enough to make you cough just a bit as you waded in further. The veggies that he had been cooking were reduced to shriveled up bits, and even though he was waving at them violently with a paper plate, there was no salvaging it. “I swear I turned off the heat!” It was audible, his upset, his disappointment. “Danny - Dan - Hey -” Catching his wrist in your hand, he looked over at you, dark eyes watery (from the smoke or from his mistake, you couldn’t tell). “ It’s okay. We’ll open some windows. Check on whatever’s in the oven. We’ll be okay.” With a nod, you let him go, opening the few windows you had in the apartment. It was chilly outside, but the breeze made it easier; you blew out the candles so as not to cause any more of a hazard, and walked back into the fray.

He was shutting the oven as you walked in, and you asked, “So, what’s the status?” Looking over, that pained look hadn’t quite disappeared from his face, even when he replied, “Okay.” He stood. “Dessert is almost done.” Oh. You faltered. “What’re we having?” you asked, trying to steer the conversation in a different direction. “I made brownies, with walnuts in them. Like you like,” he replied, voice dropping to a mutter. Your chest got all warm again. “Oh, Danny...” Closing the distance, you set a hand on his cheek. “It’s okay. We’re okay. So you burned dinner-” He cut you off by adding, “Twice,”, but you continued on. “-But it’s okay. We’ve still got wine, and brownies. I love your brownies.” You smiled a little. “I love you so much. No one had ever made me dinner before, much less tried as hard as you did.” He was coming back around, looking at you, eyes puppy-dog, hand finding your free one. “I’ve got our takeout place on speed-dial. And we’ll save the wine for the brownies. Yeah?” He nodded a little. Leaning in, you kissed him, gentle and sweet.“You okay, lovely?” Turning the nickname on him made him smile a little more. “I am now, yeah.” He leaned in and kissed you again, longer this time, the breeze from outside bringing in a whole new night of possibilities.