#hes just really... aggressive towards anyone who isnt family and he doesnt know how to socialize

[slavicgirlfriend]

honestly..... im not surprised so many people are afraid of ralph idk whats wrong with him but i think we gotta take him to a behaviorist or something

[dr3amlandst0ner]

Billy Hargrove.

character analysis ;) (spoilers; i think hes queer coded)

I love Billy Hargrove. Not a sentence many like to hear, trust me. I know.

The first impressions of Billy werent the best, but they could’ve easily been way worse.

We first meet Billy the human antagonist in season 2, as hes driving into the Hawkins high parking lot, in nothing other then his blue Camaro while Rock you like a hurricane by the scorpions is playing. When he gets out of his car he knows all eyes are on him. I mean why wouldnt they be, he’s the stereotypical bully that’s in every teenage coming of age movie ever, he looks and seems very douche-y and confident which he very much is both.

There are multiple moments where we start to learn about his character and his personality in general, most well known being when Max got into his car after school, Billy seems annoyed because she’s late. she uses the excuse she had to get homework, but it’s obvious she was talking to Lucas Sinclair.

Billy finally perks up and says “there are people in this world you learn to stay away from” which in all honesty, shows us more of his personality then one would originally think. It showed us how violent and hateful he really is.

Billys dad, Neil, is the primary (if not the only) reason for his anger and aggression. The first and only interaction we see between him and his dad is when he was getting ready to leave to meet Karen Wheeler at a motel, which screams mommy issues but we’ll get to that later. Neil asks Billy where Max (his stepsister) is at because Billy was supposed to be “watching her”, they go back and forth about that and during this time Neill uses the f-slur against Billy. After Billy says “she’s not my sister” that’s what finally pushes Neil over the edge, he pushes billy against a bookcase and makes Billy repeat the phrase “respect and responsibility” back to him. That scene alone shows us that anything that happens to Max or anything Max does that Neil doesnt like, Billy pays for. Which gives us some insight as to while Billy is the way he is, an insight as to why hes so aggressive.

It’s obvious Billy has only ever known violence. After his mom left his dad who was also abusive towards her, Billy hasnt had a healthy relationship with anyone. I mean after all he was raised by a bigot who used slurs against his seventeen year old son, so we can only imagine what he said behind closed doors

That scene also shows that Billy isnt all aggression. We can see him tearing up when his dad yells at him and after his dad hits him. We see him show another emotion besides hate and resentment.

Billy’s childhood wasnt happy. From the memories we see, it seems he was only ever happy if it was just him and his mom. Theres a memory of him surfing with his mom and him telling her the wave was 7 feet tall. He asks if he can keep surfing for 10 more minutes and his mom agrees reluctantly saying “any longer then that and dad will be mad” which just goes to show how aggressive his dad was and still is.

Back to Billy’s mom, in season 3 we see Billy remember a memory from when he was 7-8 years old, he was surfing and told his mom the wave was 7 feet tall as mentioned before. We can assume she left not to long after that. Meaning from the ages of lets say 10 to 17 he didn’t have his mother. He had his stepmom but never seemed to be close with her, this is where the mommy issues come in. It’s very obvious that Billy flirts with any older women he sees, and this time it just so happens to be Karen Wheeler (who btw has a family and a daughter his age).

We can see very clearly that he doesnt actually like Karen. He like I said has very apparent mommy issues. His smiles fades as soon as he gets into his car after talking with Mrs Wheeler, his interest in women never seems genuine, it always feels forced. Which is why I think billy hargrove is queer coded. Having a dad like Neil, who has used slurs, would probably push someone farther into the closet. He learned to not act queer. he learned to not be something his father would definitely punish him for, he learned to survive.

The only time we see Billy truly interact with another character is whenever hes in the same space as Steve Harrington. From the party to the ‘fight’ outside the Byers house, no one seems to hold billys attention like Steve.

Thats not new though, Dacre Montgomery and Joe Keery are wonderful actors and their chemistry mixes so well. Their character are complete opposites, Billy can be written off as having toxic masculinity— which he completely does, whereas Steve is more of a layed back not really caring type of character.

In the infamous basketball scene, Billy trys to intimidate and one up Steve, which he does— and weirdly enough Steve seems oh so very bothered by this, bothered the new guy from cali of all places is showing him up in his own school,, a school he use to run. Billy’s kinda assholeish remarks regarding Nancy definitely arent as outright flirting as the “am i dreaming or is that you, harrington”

The first time we see Billy fully come alive and show all his pent up anger is when him and Steve have a confrontation outside the Bylers house. Since Steve is one of the most beloved characters, its hard to forgive Billy even in inch for fighting with Steve. The fight started when Billy slammed Lucas Sinclair into a bookshelf, much like his dad did with him. Billy used Lucas as a vessel for his fear, just like Neil used billy as a vessel for his aggression. Billy sees Lucas as a threat, not because Lucas would ever hurt max— no no, because Billy knows Lucas would be the reason he would be hit again and again. after all he’s supposed to “protect his little sister” and seeing as Neil already used slurs… we can assume he couldn’t be to happy to find out his stepdaughter was dating someone, let alone someone who wasn’t white.

The cycle of abuse just continues, like a revolving door— never ending. By the end of season three you start to wonder if Billy ever stood a chance in life. Max seemed to be the only one who genuinely cared that Billy was possessed by the mindflayer and in the end thats how the Duffer brothers wanted it. in the long run Billy made the sacrifice, but not as a was of redemption for how shitty he was to everyone around him. Not really any reason honestly, him being put to death and its consequences still echos though season 4.

Its the pure queer rage that made Billy stick out in the stranger things fandom. Billy was made for the scared and abused queer kids, the ones who seen themselves and their anger within him. Billy is the true embodiment of pure queer rage.

In all honesty its a little saddening to see everyone overlooking Billy’s abuse and pain. i’ve seen people say he deserved what happened to him— despite Dacre Montgomery being very vocal about the fact that Billy is very much not racist due to his push to make the character more human, and less evil for no reason. In a Newsweek interview he said that if Billy seen anyone giving max a hard time or anything like that he would’ve stepped in because like I said he pays for max’s doings.

People mention the term ‘hate-crime’ when speaking of Billy, but it’s almost never mentioned when speaking about the violence from his father towards him. Violence against queer people— especially towards queer men is so normalized, no one thought anything. When a queer coded character doesn’t fix into the tiny box people have in mind for them, abuse against them goes unnoticed. Billy doesn’t fit in the queer coded box, he’s full of rage and anger cause from his upbringing.

Hate towards queer people is nothing new, not at all. When a queer man doesn’t fix into the boxes cishet people have made for us, we are often overlooked and silenced, even villanized. Obviously i cant excuse any of Billy actions, nor am i trying to. I’m just here to point out the double-standards within fandoms in general, and the continuous microaggressions against queer men.

While hundreds of fans of fan thirst over Henry creel, a man who slaughtered children and became Vecna canonically, the queer kids who for a moment seen themselves within a hurt and abused teen are drug through the mud for hanging onto one of the few times in media where queer rage is actually seen.

There have been artist, and creators who have had to apologize for making Billy hargrove related content. But yet there is still content made of real life abuser.

Billy Hargrove is a complicated character to say the least, i’m not trying to change your mind about him. Who knows I might be considered problematic for this but I cannot stay quiet any longer. Dacre Montgomery fought to make Billy Hargrove more human then the Duffers ever planned on writing him.

so after all of that.

To Dacre: whether you ment to or not, you gave hundreds of queer kids a glimpse into the rage they feel yet cannot express due to how they would be seen. One of these kids being me, up until I started analyzing Billy and realizing how much trauma he has actually been through— I didn’t have a good reason to be mad at peoples reactions to me. I’m a closest trans man who has been told time and time again that i’ll never be a “real” man. I will be forever great full for your contributions to making Billy who he is.

And to the rest of the stranger things fandom: I’m not asking for you to like Billy Hargrove, not at all. I am asking you to think of how you see queer coded men. The even slight bias you might have when it comes to queer coded men who show their rage, when it comes to the queer coded men who don’t keep their rage tidy within themselves. I am asking you to rethink who you will forgive and who you will not.

I love Billy hargrove. The good, the bad, the parts no one wants to talk about.

And I’m ok with that.

(not proofread)

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Don Dawson

(Not my gif)(requested by anonymous)

- Don and you first meet when you’re walking through the halls during class time to go deliver something for your teacher. He was ditching class with a friend when the two of you “bumped into each other” and by that I mean you passed them while they leaned against a group of lockers.

- He does a doubletake when you walk past him for the first time. He isn’t shy about his leering either, he full on turns toward you and stares. After he’s gotten a good look, he turns toward his friend, waggles his eyebrows, and tails it after you.

- It kind of spooks you a little when he comes up beside you with an enthusiastic “how ya doin!” but you smile awkwardly and greet him back. He tries to chat you up while you walk back to class; he’s kind of cute so you don’t exactly mind.

- You pause outside of your class to talk a little more but your teacher cuts your conversation short with a teasing comment to you and a cocked brow to Don. He in response starts to flirt with your teacher, earning himself a smile and giggle from you. He winks at you one last time before he disappears back into the hallway and your teacher closes the door.

- He catches you when you’re walking to your car after school and propositions you in his usual fashion. You say “yeah, no thanks” and get in your car, leaving him in the dust. It was at that moment, watching your car disappear down the road, that he decides he has to have you.

- You thought the ordeal was kind of funny so you aren’t too bothered when he approaches you while you’re out with some friends. The two of you just so happened to go to the same place with your individual friend groups. He doesnt proposition you this time, thankfully.

- Now Don, at first, just thought you were hot and was trying to shoot his shot and to weasel his way into your pants. But as he’s talking to you he realizes that he really likes you, like you’re fun to talk to and you’re really interesting. He starts to feel this connection with you that he’s never really had with anyone else.

- Even though he doesn’t want to “admit it” he forms a little crush on you. He starts to talk to and hang out with you more; making it kind of obvious that he likes you with his flirting and innuendos. And you like it, him and the attention, so when he says “Hey why don’t we go grab a bite to eat sometime.” You tell him to “name a date and you’ll be there.”

- It takes him only a few seconds to respond.

- For your first date he gets a few beers and sodas and takes you out to a field where you sit in the bed of his truck and stargaze. He goes to kiss you once or twice but you don’t let him, you know how he is with girls and want to test him a little before you give in. Either way everything goes well and you agree to go out with him again.

- Although he accepts your refusal he probably still complains to the guys that you aren’t letting him “do anything”. But your refusal is more entertaining rather than anything else, he likes you as more than a lay so it doesn’t bother too much. He’s more determined and excited than annoyed.

- For your third date you’d gone to a concert together and the two of you had your first kiss as the band played. Definitely a very memorable experience and one you’re glad to remember. After your first kiss he knew for sure that you were the one.

- For the most part you have a very playful relationship.

- A lot of nicknames although most of the time he’s joking when he uses them. Like he’ll say a bunch of them in a row to get your attention or when he’s smothering you in affection.

- A few genuine ones still slip out sometimes.

- He kind of just lets you do whatever you want to him. Put his hair in pigtails, put make up on him, do his nails, crawl all over him, climb him like a monkey, anything you want as long as the evidence can be erased or go unnoticed.

-  He loves affection and touching you and all that but he isn’t all that into pda. He likes the joking, quick funny stuff but keeps most of what he does behind closed doors unless you’re hanging around some of his good friends who also have their girlfriends there.

- He likes to lay his head in your lap and have you play with his hair.

- Lots of hugs.

- Piggyback rides.

- Double dates with Simone and Pink.

- Matching overalls.

- You’ve probably put flowers in the pocket of his overalls and he secretly finds it so precious. You’ve definitely snuck little notes in them without him knowing and when he finds them he can’t help but smile.

- Smacking his arm and giving him looks to get him to behave, you try your best to keep him out of trouble even though he makes it pretty difficult.

- He watches you a lot, especially whenever you walk away...he likes the view.

- He’s usually pretty animated and goofy, its kind of just how he is so you get to observe all of his adorable and funny quirks.

- You’re nearly always smiling or laughing when you’re with him.

- Playful flirting.

- Him trying to jokingly yet not so jokingly proposition you.

- Lewd jokes, he laughs hysterically whenever you grimace at them.

- Going to his football games and cheering him on.

- Meeting him after football practice and kissing behind the bleachers.

- Hanging out in the back of pickup trucks.

- Dawson’s kinda cool with everyone so he has a lot of friends around the school and subsequently everyones pretty friendly to you. All your friends probably like him. 

- Going to parties with him and getting invited to others just for being his girlfriend.

- He always has a beer ready for you or shares his own with you, if you’re into that sort of thing.

- Going on little adventures with him.

- Hes pretty much down to do whatever you have in mind.

- Concert dates.

- He’ll play tackle/pounce on you and start kissing all over your neck and face; he’s pretty fond of that move.

- Secret handshakes.

- He’s a good listener, he likes hearing about what’s new in your life and things that you’ve done recently.

- He hates seeing you upset; he’s not very good at comforting you but he tries to get you to forget about whatever’s bugging you.

- Play wrestling.

- If you mention wanting something he’d 100% go out and grab it for you.

- He’s got major big brother vibes, do with that what you will.

- He gets involved in a lot of crazy shit so be prepared for some killer stories. He thinks its cute when you look worried for him.

- Constant compliments.

“Looking good.”

- Making fun of each other.

- Play arguing and punching.

- Tricking you into doing something suggestive; mostly when you’re alone, he doesnt want to completely embarrass you...or give his friends a free show.

- He admits he’s an asshole so be prepared. Although to be fair a lot of his asshole behavior is just a front. He’s actually really sweet once you get to know him, especially when you’re his girl/he likes you.

- He does think its kind of funny when you get mad at him...well it depends on how mad you get and how mad you stay. If you grumpily trudge off, rolling your eyes at him in front of his friends then he’ll probably laugh and joke with them.

- A lot of “oh come on babe it was just a joke!”

- It isn’t until you really stay mad that he no longer finds it as funny. He doesn’t like fighting with you but you always inevitably do. In a fight you’ll argue for a while before he tries to just end it as painlessly as possible. At that point he isnt even really sorry nor does he think you’ve settled things, he just doesnt want to fight anymore.

“Okay, okay,okay, alright, so-”.

- Sometimes his attempts to calm things really just backfire for him, like if you feel like he isn’t really listening and just trying to brush you off. It really depends on what you’d fight with him about.

- When you’re holding a grudge he’ll make jokes and bets with his friends, condescendingly saying how you “think you’re mad at him”. He says it himself: he’s an asshole. Although in these moments a lot of his asshole behavior is just him being spiteful because he’s hurt that you won’t talk to him.

- He does know how to apologize when he’s done something wrong or upset you. Like I said he’s usually really sweet even if he doesn’t act like it sometimes. It’s the reason you can come to forgive him especially during the “trial” part of your relationship (up next).

- He flirts too much, thats always been his problem, that and he’s sort of a hypocrite about it; he thinks he can flirt with other girls but you arent allowed to flirt with other guys. He doesn’t understand the injustice but after your first really big fight and subsequent breakup; most likely where he sees you go out with another guy, he finally learns his lesson.

- He’s a pretty coolheaded guy but he definitely doesn’t like people flirting with or having a thing for you even if he’s a playboy and would usually partake in the locker room talk with them. When you came along he was kind of like “Well I’ve finally settled down and I like this one a lot so back off.”.

- He gets a lot of girls coming after him so you’ll probably get a little jealous every now and again. He tries to assure you as best as he can that he isn’t interested in them.

- He’s a football player so there’s at least a little pent up aggression in him. He’s ready to bust a lip to get a guy off your back or stop him from trying to get with you.

- He wants that nuclear family type of future, with a nice house, picket fence, and son to play catch with in the yard. He never thought he’d imagine a future with a girl before but here he is, and he... kinda likes it.

- He’s definitely dropped a “Mrs. Dawson” on you after you teasingly called him Mr. Dawson. You’d just been trying to mess with him but then he had to go and make you all flustered and giddy.

- Dawson will probably go to college on a football scholarship. Before you came along he was planning on screwing a lot of chicks but now thinks “I’d be pissed if she screwed a guy while I was gone” and stops the temptation where it starts. He comes a long way during your relationship.

- I can see him proposing to you after he gets out of college and settles down with a nice job. He’d make a personal kind of special occasion out of the proposal, something that involves a sentimental part of your relationship.

[kichimiangra]

I only needed 5 minutes...

A story of my day.

I Dunno who actually wants to read this? I wouldn't even want to. But I feel like I need to vent. The last couple of weeks have been fucked... but yesterday I ruined the day... again. I've been doing that alot lately. Almost every other Saturday since August. I hope venting makes me feel better if nothing else. I'll probably delete this later because I don't like leaving a notable paper trail of this stuff that anyone can find. Nothing but trouble comes of that. When I'm on my pc I'll put this under a read more because I dunno how to do that on mobile.

-----------------------

The Holidays are almost over and I am running out of time to get done. One thing in particular, a gift, is unfortunately gone. My mom has orchestrated all of Christmas, even down to the gifts other people are getting for her... and she's not happy about it. She feels like nobody is willing to lift a finger to help her make Christmas happen. I wanted to surprise her.

She loves making soap. I'm not good at sculpture but I wanted to make a custom soap mold for her. I began with the original that would be used to make the mold. It took days upon days of trying and retrying to get it satisfactory, including one failure where my momnpoked her head in and I slammed my chin down on it so she wouldn't see, though my dad swears my mom never pokes her head into my room... but like she does???

Anyway... I finally had my original, though I think I could do better there's not much time left. I ordered a silicone mold kit and went to work... and it failed immensely. BUT there's still a little time left! I'll order another. Now THIS time was frustrating.

My mom wasn't being nosy... but literally EVERYTIME I got the stuff out to work on she would be there by sheer coincidence! Wait until she's asleep? Dad will have a coughing fit and wake her up and she'll wander out into the kitchen. Wait until she's out of the house? She never leaves. Wait until she does? She forgot something and comes home unexpectedly and I have to quickly hide my shit. She's not doing it on purpose but it gets more and more frustrating that I just can't just fucking get this done! Like... Jeebus Christmas! My dad says this doesnt happen but... it does????? And then I fuck up my second attempt. Fuck... I have less time...

But that's okay! I have enough time to order another kit! I've only spent 80$ so far with nothing to show but third times a charm!!!

Once again I just can't get the time to get this done. She's always there, or up, or poking her head in. It's almost cartoonish! But I have not time left. It has to be today.

My folks go down for an afternoon nap and I immediately get to work. I get toward the end of working, all's going well. I only need 5 minutes...

Then my dad gets up and my moms not far behind. Fuck... I can't move the mold yet... fuck. I just need 5 fucking minutes! I'm wrestling with curious cats. Fuck... My dad is useless at maybe luring my mom away. Fuck... my mom insists she needs to be in that same corner I'm working at. Fuck...! I just need five minutes!!!

Then of course disaster strikes... there's a crack or a hole in my original and silicone is leaking out! I had barely enough silicone to even make this happen! I can't afford to lose anymore! Fuck! I need to fix this! I just need 5 minutes to fix this!

I'm getting frustrated to the point I am starting to do that angry sob thing. I take it to another room now that I can move it. I just need 5 minutes to fix this! My parents follow my to the other room to find out what's wrong. Honestly my dad knows what I'm trying to do so given the context what do you thing is wrong dad? Clearly something has gone wrong with my mold. I tell him to go away cuz really I'm trying to fix this and I need to be left alone. I need five minutes to fix this... but he won't leave until I tell him what's wrong. I try to whisper it to him, the mold is leaking, I don't have enough silicone, nowhere local sells it, I can't get more in time. But his hearing has gone so he can't hear what I'm saying! He wants me to speak up but mom is just around the corner in the other room! I need him to fucking go. I'm frustrated and I tell him rudely "Just fuck off! I have to fix this!" Rude and inappropriate I know... but I just need 5 fucking minutes to fucking fix this I am sobbing at this point.

My dad leaves but of course my mom comes in next and wants to know what's wrong. I'm being very curt with her using my body to block the sight of my mess, telling her as calmly as I can, which isnt very calm, that nothings wrong, no she cant help me fix it, I'll tell her later, go back to the kitchen. I don't swear at my mother. That is important. I just need 5 minutes to fix this!

Finally the leak stops but so much silicone is on my baking tray that the mold is no longer submerged. I use a plastic spoon to get as much as I can back in the mold but it's not enough. I'm covered in silicone up to my wrist, and it's also in my hair. I put it up on a high shelf because the cats helped ruin mold #2 and sit down to mourn the loss of the only gift I had for my mom. I had no backup plans and this ones a bust.

I just need 5 minutes to calm down. I was rude to my parents and need to apologize to them, but first I need 5 minutes to just calm down and breath. Maybe I can find another gift in time? Maybe I can just wrap the original and promise in the nearish future when I can procure more silicone that she will have a mold? First I need to calm down. Then I need to apologize.

My dad comes into the room and chews me out about how rude as I was and how I need to go apologize to my mother. I hate when they do this, now when I apologize it's because I was told to, not because I took the initiative to. My folks can't comprehend I would otherwise apologize if not being told. All I wanted was 5 minutes to calm down.

I go and apologize. I am not the good guy in all of this, I am an adult. An autistic adult but an adult nonetheless, and being rude to my parents was inappropriate regardless. I didn't get my 5 minutes but off to apologize I go. "I'm sorry I lashed out guys. I was doing something, it didn't go my way, I got super frustrated and you guys were just there by coincidence. I didn't mean to lash out." I did mean what I said.

Mom didn't see it that way. My mom is very passive aggressive and honestly I get to be one of the reasons today she hates living here in this house and around us because all we do is "abuse" her physically and verbally. She hates living here and she hates being around us. I apologized again because great. Once again Kacey ruins everything. I need to stop being upset about this shit it's like every other saturday! She continues about how much she hates it here. I leave the room trying and failing not to sob.

My mom also gets up and goes to another room. Whatever she's doing is loud and she's quite verbal about it. I go back to my room, I just need 5 minutes to cry and calm down again. I still have other shit to do for Christmas too.

My mom comes by with a box and puts it on the table, with a sharpie she writes "Christmas soap fail 2020" and tells dad to take it to the basement. For context we had been making soap kits for xmas gifts. I had coworkers who got me gifts. I was dissuaded from buying them much in return because we were makin by the soap gift bags. Those where the soaps... I have nothing in return to give my coworkers. I don't have enough time... all the while my mom is still going off. Later my dad says it wasn't all my fault, he had done something to upset her earlier in the day, then my older sister, I was just the straw that broke the camels back. But honestly in this family it's whatever baby wants; baby gets." And what baby wants is to be mad at me.

I go upstairs and hide in my brother's room. Surprisingly despite the fact that my mom acts like he is one of the only people who care about her and defend her, he was the first one to tell me "Fuck her. If she wasn't going to be mad at you it was going to be something else. Now watch me play Aladdin on Sega genesis!"

After a while my younger sister came over to do her laundry. I began to quietly tell her what the flippity floop she walked in on. In the middle my mom came out and started chewy us out. Y'know, don't let her interrupt us from talking privately amongst ourselves about how much of a bitch she is. Her words not mine. And to be fair I was telling my sister about how I lashed out and caused this. But my mom doesn't like when we sibs talk privately, though she also doesn't like if we overhear what her and my dad talk about privately. Double standards I know.

I thought maybe if I explained what was up maybe she'd understand? So I out myself. I was trying to make her a surprise gift. She orchestrated ALL of Christmas and I just wanted to surprise her. Everything started going wrong and I was getting frustrated because she woke up and entered the room at an AWFUL time and I couldn't get me and my wip gift away from her seeing which made everything worse. Now one thing to know about my mom, explaining oneself is equated to excusing your behavior... and she does not tolerate that. She chews me out more. I'm sobbing again.she insists I told her to fuck of and get away from me... even though I did NOT curse at my mom... at all. I was rude but I did NOT say that! I repeat that I had just wanted to surprise her. She tells me about how unsurprised she is that this is how her day ends. She tells me that she doesn't want whatever trinket I was making for her because now it's tied up in the baggage of having apparently told her to fuck off and get away from me, that she doesn't want another in a long line of ass-kissy gifts because that makes being rude to her okay. It wasn't an ass kissy gift in response to being rude to her... it was a custom made Christmas gift for her... because I thought she'd be surprised? Because I thought it'd make her happy? Though I guess it doesn't matter... she doesn't want it anymore. She doesn't care what it was. Now it is a bad reminder of me treating her like everyone in her whole life has except specifically people who are dead. I have ruined quite a few things.

Honestly... I love my mom. I love her so much and I wish she could be happy. I want to do things to make her happy. But when she tells me that I am just one of the things that make her wanna run away to another state and tell no ody where she went and love alone... I'm not gonna sugar coat it, I wish I was dead.

I am a 29 year old autistic woman. I feel like a failure at growing up. I have stressed part of my colon into not working anymore. I still live at home with my parents and work in a minimum wage fast food job. I have few friends and I speak to them infrequently, but if you are at a place where I call you friend... we could not talk for 10 years and your still my friend until officially broken up. I surround myself with animals and I play with a digimon tamagotchi. My sisters have grown up jobs and drive and live in an apartment away from home and I feel like a failure because I missed all these adulting milestones. I feel CONSTANTLY guilty about everything. I feel like I can't say "hey let's do a shark mermaid themed charity zine and all the proceeds can go to buying preservatives for Rosie the dead great white shark!!!" Without the guilt at the mere idea that someone will tell me "Wow... you care more about a dead shark than say... real living people? You know there's no water in Flint right???" Without feeling guilty that... yes? I like a dead shark more than living people? I don't like people? Also shark is cool? I feel guilty that if I call a day off work SOMEONE ELSE has to be inconvenienced to work my shift. I feel guilty playing World of Warcraft because I'm accused of "Chasing a time I view as better" instead of growing up and moving on. I feel guilty about wanting to ask for someone else's time because they too have shit to do. I feel guilty about so many things...

And I feel guilty when my mom says I'm just another abuser in her life. Her fuse is so short it takes almost nothing to set her off. You have to be calm and happy all the time or she has to "walk on eggshells because anything she does can set US off!"

When my mom is mad at me like that... I hate myself. I have some dark thoughts on a normal day but when she's mad at me in this specific way... I wish I could just unexist. Or go to sleep and just not wake up. I can always logic my way away from the dark thoughts... but they're there nonetheless. And when I'm one of the things that makes my mom want to run away? Then I just wish I was dead really. Or just unalive. Not since I was 14 at least. I don't want to die. Just cease to be. I don't know if that counts as being suicidal but I'll tag for it anyway.

I don't normally talk about this shit with people. I don't wanna look like I'm crying out for attention or help or pity. I don't talk to my folks about it because there's never a good time. When I try to hint it's not taken seriously, and when things aren't bad I don't feel as bad. Keeping quite hasn't made me feel better so maybe just typing this out and being heard will make me feel even slightly better? Like a diary entry.

There's more to the morbs in my life but for now I leave it as this. It's 7am, I am in bed and have dried silicone in my hair and under my nailes, and I have work today. Who knows, maybe it'll all blow over like it never happenned like the bipolar way things go in my family sometimes. Maybe I'll get out of work and my folks will be happily dancing in the livingroom to sugar pie honeybunch like teenagers in love and I will be the only one stressed about it.

Don't take this post at face value. This is only my side. The human brain is flawed and the human ego will remake memories to protect itself. I normally turn to siblings who where there at the time to tell me if what I think happenned really happenned that way.... but I've also been informed that my siblings don't want to deal with me, and don't have the balls to call me out on my bullshit so will tell me whatever I want to hear, so really... I don't even trust that my recount of events even happenned that way.

Maybe I'll continue the story in another post?

And now

I go to bed. Goodnight. I am a tired bitch. I probably only just need 5 minutes to fall asleep.

P.s. I'm sorry if you read all that. It's a bummer. I know. I'll hide it under a read more when I'm on pc.

[mieczyhale]

i mean klaus got choked by Luther and thrown and just all round disrespected, BUT he was awful to Luther (who has little to NO social skills) after finding him with the girl. I think what people most zero on this scene is Klaus saying he doesn’t remember his first time bc he was high/drunk, while ignoring Luther who also doesn’t/barely remembers HIS first time bc he was high/drunk. I actually really LOVE this scene in terms of character development (1/2)

this scene and the ‘I want to be u’ scene too, bc it shows how awful their relationship is and how reginald trained them to compete with each other and put each other down, to ‘win’ so to speak, and how the way they were treated and how they treated each other manifests in this bitterness and mockery. specially Klaus who must feel angry no one takes his struggles seriously. bc in healthy siblings dynamics they don’t treat each other that way. but..... yeah it’s awful and sad 😔 (2/2) i’d like to thank you, anon, for sending asks on this topic that have some good points and aren’t dickish. it is greatly appreciated and you are an angel <3 i’m going to try and respond and explain my feelings on this the best i can but.. no promises on quality lmfao it’s almost 3AM and i’m three (3) drinks in so IMMA DO MY BEST

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  [[just a heads up also that i am NOT re-reading this before posting. i do not have the energy for that so it’s just gonna be what it’s gonna be]] Luther (who has little to NO social skills) - I think what people most zero on this scene is Klaus saying he doesn’t remember his first time bc he was high/drunk, while ignoring Luther who also doesn’t/barely remembers HIS first time bc he was high/drunk. the thing is, and this seems to depend entirely on the perspective and personal experiences of the person watching, klaus wasn’t awful to luther. he wasn’t mocking. he was doing what siblings do - they tease. as for ignoring luther who doesn’t really remember his first time for the same reasons klaus doesn’t remember his: i dont think it was ignoring so much as it was klaus wouldn’t consider it a big deal - it wouldn’t occur to him to think of it that way - because it wasn’t for him. and even when you know that your sibling doesn’t have much for social skills, it’s probably not something that’s going to stay at the forefront of your mind and direct every interaction you have with them - especially in regards to a sibling you haven’t seen in 13 years - so it would make sense for klaus to not interact with luther in more of a way people would find acceptable. perfect sibling interactions dont happen i mean klaus got choked by Luther and thrown and just all round disrespected, BUT there is no but there - some teasing (or mocking, depending on how you see it) is nowhere near the same thing as choking someone, throwing them across a room, AND consistently being genuinely rude and disrespectful. i’m not saying klaus can’t be mean or a jackass - he absolutely can - but to say he was awful or horrible to luther ESPECIALLY post!rave is bananas.  klaus tried to cheer luther up, offered to try summoning reginald even though that’s the last thing he’s ever want to do, tried to stop luther from drinking more, tried to convince luther that drugs and alcohol weren’t the way to go, tried to stop luther from venturing out on his own, went after him when he didn’t listen - and yeah, he wanted to stop part way in because of withdrawals, but he didn’t. and it’s not just because ben tried to guilt him - ben does not control the klaus. if klaus didn’t want to keep looking for luther he wouldn’t have. so he finds him. he goes into the worst possible place for someone who is trying to get sober because his inexperienced brother is there, he tries to get luther to leave with him and while he’s struggling so horribly the whole time - because of the immediate access to drugs and the ptsd episode - he tried to protect luther and gets killed for it.  and then never brings any of this up to luther after the dude is sober. he could have - he could have been petty and cruel about it, because if luther knew i dont doubt he would feel horrible and it would weigh on him so much, both as a brother and as the leader, but klaus never did. and maybe that was because he didnt think anyone would believe him but i think part of it was not wanting to hurt luther because he knows what drugs and alcohol do to a person - he knows very fucking well - he knows the lack of control and awareness and he isnt going to hold it against luther the way we all know everyone holds everything against klaus - the things he did while mentally on another planet. AT MOST klaus teases him when he goes to wake luther up for a family meeting - in a manner that comes off silly but not - imo - cruel. simply ridiculous, as klaus often is. but he pours luther a cup of coffee and they talk about his conversation with their dad and that’s that their only other interactions after that are when klaus, diego, and five go to the bar to get luther - and that isnt even an interaction because they dont talk. and then in the car on the way to leonard’s cabin.. where they dont talk. and then at the cabin klaus has his hand on luther’s shoulder, providing a small act of comfort while also devastated because literally everyone knows luther and allison. they’re in the infirmary when allison needs blood but again - they dont talk. and then in the scene where vanya is bringing down the academy - brief, and they dont talk. and then it’s the bowling alley - where klaus tries to be honest with everyone, expresses a quiet offer of help that nobody takes seriously, and then okay yes - he snaps back at luther when luther is a dick to him. but its nothing actually cruel and he immediately tries to backtrack. after that moment the only time they talk is when luther is asking klaus if ben is in agreement on time traveling at the end of episode 10 so where in there was klaus cruel and awful and horrible?? i mean i guess those things can depend, again, on a person’s perspective and experiences - and maybe people have different takes on what those words mean (and the extent they cover) and yknow what?? gotta say - that’s valid. nobody can control how someone else takes in the show - we cant even control how we take it in ourselves. but for me this specific line of takes is absolutely noodles. do i think klaus was flawless? fuck no. i wouldnt love him so much if he was. but i dont think any of his interactions with luther can be considered horrible on his end. i dont see this awful person in those moments that apparently other people do Klaus who must feel angry no one takes his struggles seriously. this though. t h i s t h o u g h. i’m not gonna get super into it because this response is already kind of a lot BUT yes. whether klaus knows it or not, acknowledges it or not, he probably is so angry and hurt that nobody takes his struggles seriously. nobody ever has - i mean ben has followed him around for the last 13 years, has seen some of what he’s been through and has learned about the rest, and he STILL digs into klaus and acts like he doesn’t have a reason to be the way he is. if not even ben can take his trauma seriously, and he - at least pre!death - seemed to be the kindest, then how would anyone else?? they wouldn’t and It Shows. and, of course, that includes luther - who i agree, was in a way separated from the others - not physically but like.. ranking and power wise, by reginald and his constant push of luther being number one and that meaning Everything. and klaus - well we all know what reginald thought of klaus and i dont doubt he filled luther’s head with his opinions which luther would internalize as Facts - because reginald had a hold on luther that he didn’t quite have on any of the others. (i mean he totally had a hold on all of them, they’re all fucked up, but luther stayed there because reginald had him so convinced of the academy’s mission and luther’s importance to him) SO. if klaus WERE to verbally be aggressive with luther or anyone i personally would understand - why should he take other people’s trauma seriously, expend the heart and energy to care and to do what he can to cheer them up, when they can’t even take a moment to listen to him - or see what’s right in front of their eyes. i’d be fucking pissed. tbh i think klaus handles things pretty fucking well from the funeral on considering the Everyfuckingthing.  he’s sassy - yeah. he can be jackass and he has the potential to be cruel - hell yeah. but he expresses more care for each of his siblings in s1 than any of them do for him (except maybe diego) and idk, man, i have seen the first season somewhere beyond 15 times (i stopped counting) and i’ve never taken any of klaus’s words or actions towards luther to be genuinely cruel or horrible. it just doesnt read that way for me and i honestly struggle to see how people CAN see it that way.. so here i am. annoyed. but on my own tumblr bc i have no desire to @, fight, or argue with anyone over opinions but sometimes a little bastard just has to vent yknow?? yknow.

[thescarletsith]

I can only hope that this helps those who felt pain when finding out about the end of Rise of Skywalker. It was never about Kylo Ren getting what he deserved or seeking redemption, it was about ending the pain within Ben Solo. I had to find some sort of positive reasoning behind all of this before witnessing it for myself tonight.

SPOILERS AHEAD.

Any negative reason given for why Ben Solo deserved to die isn't convincing, because Ben didn't do any of those things.

He was born into a family of Legends; expectations were set for him before he could even talk. The truth of his grandfather was hidden from him by his family. Facts of his bloodline would have given him insight as to why he felt the way he did, but they were kept away from him, leaving him to feel completely alone with a growing pain inside of him that he couldnt confide with anyone about. His whole family was painted as a perfect, lightside, good guy team. Saviors. Warriors. Heroes. Legends. So how could it be possible for him to feel the conflict that he was trying to hide? He would never be good enough or strong enough to belong to this family. He grew up feeling worthless to his parents who were always gone. The only place he could find self-worth was the darkness reaching out to him, wanting to help him and show him how to end his pain. But he didn't want help, he wanted to do it on his own. He wanted to push through and make his family proud. And when he learned the truth about his grandfather being Darth Vader, (a truth which he learned through the government his mother worked with, NOT from his own family) the teachings of Jedi being good, peaceful people became a joke to him. Good people don't lie. Good people don't turn a blind eye to the suffering of someone they claim to love for the sake of their own desire of not having to address something they'd rather forget. And good people own up to their mistakes - they try to right their wrongs.

Nobody did that for Ben. They saw a darkness in him and chose to fear it instead of face it. They chose to train him and raise him to be what they considered "good". They chose to invade his thoughts during his sleep and make of it what they wanted, deciding on their own that he was destined to belong to darkness no matter what measures they took to prevent that from happening.

Ben saw Luke standing above him with every intention to murder him. So Ben defended himself, disabling Luke from hurting him. The emotions he was constantly burying pushed through to the surface - his own fear, loneliness, anger, and confusion. He had done everything asked of him. On the outside, he was everything they were trying desperately to create and yet... he still wasnt good enough.

And those voices that had been with him since he was born called to him to go and find his true ally - the one who would make him as strong and fearless as Darth Vader.

When the light betrayed Ben Solo, the darkness welcomed him with open arms. It comforted him, embraced him, and accepted him, thus rising the darkness that Ben Solo tried desperately to run from.

Kylo Ren, who was birthed from his parents carelessness towards him and his uncle's betrayal, killed Ben Solo. And though Kylo still felt the same as Ben, he was now being given what he believed to be genuine help to forever end the pain.

And that's all he ever really wanted.

He was manipulated into believing everything he was doing would eventually bring him the peace he craved. He was convinced what he was doing what was right. He was told that the darkness would give him all of the things his family never even attempted to. The dark side became the good side and the Jedi didnt deserve to exist anymore.

He's told that killing his past will allow him to become who he's always been meant to be, and since he has no idea who that is, he's willing to do whatever he has to in order to figure it out.

Then he meets Rey, who makes him realize Ben Solo isn't really dead and that Kylo Ren is just a mask he wears.

Then Rey defeats him in a duel, wielding his families lightsaber. What a slap in the face. Some random girl from a desert planet who has never trained her Force abilities, never really even knew she had these abilities until she met him, was never directly involved with any Jedi, and totally naive to everything she was able to do that he was put through hell and back to learn, just beat him with his own families weapon.

And instead of being sympathized with by the person who swore to help him since he was a kid, he's spit on about it. He was told none of the others ever faced such a task like he would when encountering his own father and by killing his father, reguardless of how he truly felt about it, he expected praise for doing what was suggested to have been the hardest thing he would ever have to do to prove himself worthy, yet he's spit on about it. He's back in the same neverending loop of being a disappointment.

His family saw darkness inside of him and the darkness saw his family inside of him. He couldn't win with either side.

So the Force gave him someone else to turn to, connecting him to this girl he should hate, but felt no hatred whatsoever towards. Instead, he was intrigued by their bond, impressed by her strength, and comforted in the realization that he found someone who felt exactly as he did. He ignored her threats, her doubt, her insults and her disgust towards him because he understood it: Ben Solo felt the same way about Kylo Ren.

He saw so much of himself before his turn to darkness in Rey and wanted to be for her what nobody was brave enough to be for him.

He knew that the only restraint she had on becoming what she longed to be was her inability to let go of a past she didnt need. He saw her strength, potential, determination and hope when she didn't see herself as anything. If he wanted to coax her with him inside of a life of never ending pain, he wouldn't tell her to kill her past, the thing that caused her pain, he would tell her to embrace it, allow it to consume her and feed off the power that pain could give. Her fear of accepting that any family she had is dead was the only source of darkness inside of her - it was her greatest weakness. He tells her of his own families betrayal as a means to say having a family isn't always what she's convinced herself it is. And he's so aggressive about it because he envies her: she has no one determining her path for her. She is free to be whoever she pleases and would face no judgement about it, and yet for some reason she aches to belong to someone.

And she eventually sees him for who he really is; the person inside of him that he's been silencing because he knows he could never go back to that life. She has seen him murder in cold blood, she has felt his conflict, she knows for certain all the horrible things he has done, yet still tells him that it isnt too late, showing him the hope she has in him - a hope he was never shown even before he committed the terrible acts he's done. There in his darkest of days, he's finally found that one person who accepts him, and he has absolutely nothing to offer her.

Still, she goes to him to save him from the darkness that has always been there and because of that, he is able to kill the thing he rightfully assumed was trapping him in that darkness.

He doesnt want to belong to any group, he doesn't want to set himself up to fail again, but he wants to be with this girl and keep the feeling of validation she gives him. So he pleads for her to allow everything to end so that they could start a new order - a new life - together. But she doesn't view it the same way he does. She wants him to go back with her, to the light, but the light already rejected him. He doesn't belong there, even if he wanted to.

There's no common ground then, and she leaves him.

The emotions he is left with cause him to feel the dominant presence of the darkness he had rightfully assumed he killed, and he goes on a rampage, deciding he will end it all himself, only then to be stopped by the single person who's doubts towards him hurt the most. Surely killing his uncle would be the way to end his internal war...

But again, he was wrong.

He sees no other option now but to consume himself in his own misery, and uses his new title as Supreme Leader to cause as much death and despair as he's endured his whole life.

He figures out why his conflict exists when he learns from Lord Sidious that all of the voices he has heard were simply from Sidious.

And Kylo becomes a puppet for the dark side once more, tasked to kill Rey and destroy all Jedi once and for all.

So Kylo faces Rey again, senses his mother's death, nearly dies by Rey's hand, faces his father within that near death, then awakens by a Force ability used by Rey to heal him.

Knowing that Rey should have left him to die but didnt pushes him to help her end a war he helped create. He destroys his own Knights and stands beside Rey in the light to defeat their common enemy. While fighting along side her now, he feels whole. He feels like he has found where his destiny lies. And her small grin, her gleaming eyes of hope as she looks at him, prove that she feels the same way.

During the battle, he is thrown into a pit by their enemy, leaving Rey to fight alone. The physical injuries Kylo sustains in no way hold him back from trying to get back to her. He acknowledges his pain and he accepts it; he doesn't let it physically or mentally hold him back. He doesn't let it control him. And as he climbed despite the pain and weakness he felt as he did it, he accepts his past, and he rids himself of it. He accepts his parents distance from him, his uncles betrayal, the darknesses deceit and his ignorance to the truth. He accepts himself for who he is, what he has done, and where he comes from, because none of it mattered to him anymore. He needed to make sure he hadnt failed Rey the same way people always failed him. He needed to be sure she wasnt pulled to the darkness by her own bloodline. He needed to make sure she was safe, help her end this, and see where they may be able to go from here.

Ben Solo made it back to the surface, leaving Kylo Ren in the darkness of the pit.

But he was too late.

He fell to ground, pulling Rey into his arms. Pain returned to him, only now it was much worse. He has nothing. He has nobody else. He gave his life to the darkside because he trusted it and then he lost everything and everyone he ever loved because of it.

Looking at her lifeless eyes caused Ben to lose any hope for himself he may have had left. He knew Rey had so many people who would mourn her death, cry over her, need her, miss her...

No one would do the same for him.

It wasnt hard for him to find the strength to do what he had to do. He didn't even hesitate.

Through the Force, he gave all that was left of him to the only person he felt truly accepted it - it was all he had left to offer. A descendant of one of the most feared Sith Lords became a source of hope for so many, and was a light too pure to let fade.

Ben was able to accept his life and feel total peace within it when he felt Rey's hand hold onto his. Her smile when she saw him, the joy when she said his name, and the thrill when she kissed him allowed him to feel a happiness he would have otherwise never been able to feel. His own smile felt foreign to him, but he was thankful to feel it one last time.

He was thankful to pass away while in the arms of someone who cared for him. Thankful to have been able to make use of a life that never felt like his.

Ben Solo did not die as a legend. His sacrifice would be seen by others as an act of redemption, though Rey knew he didn't save her for that reason. He never felt as if he needed to seek ways to redeem himself for the damage he had done, because he was always lead to believe he was doing what was right.

Ben Solo was simply saving what he loved, and he was finally free of his pain.

[sanchoyo]

Mira, Aqua, Persimmon 🍄🍂 Also 🌼 for Cara

Aohhohoho thank you sm I’m so excited to talk abt my kids

🍄 What are your OCs favourite snacks? Their favourite comfort food which always cheers them up when they’re down? Favourite meal to make? Do they enjoy baking and cooking and are they any good in the kitchen?

mira: she loves sweets!! her fav snacks are any kind of tiny cakes or soft, creamy kinds of candies (she isnt rly huge on hard candy) her comfort food is def like, just cake. (since becoming a mew she has random grain/wheat cravings lol) I..think she’s okay in the kitchen? she def has experience bc she always hangs around the cafe, even pre-mew stuff, so a lot of that time is her loitering around in the kitchen with keiichiro jajksdfh

aqua: as a robot she doesn’t really..eat or anything... I think after a while she would ask ryou to make her taste buds and some kind of eating stuff tho? she’d be happy to try anything! I think she’d lean towards cold foods like ice cream bc not only are they yummy, but they keep her system cool x) also, she WOULD be good at cooking, she could just. download cookbooks to her memory banks. altho some of the more delicate stuff like cracking eggs might be hard..she strong

persimmon: her fav earth snack is like. hot chips. her comfort food would prob be an alien dish that would be impossible to recreate on earth which is :( she would not enjoy baking and would 100% be godawful at it, shes never cooked in her life. buuut working at the cafe, she has to stay in the kitchen so customers dont Freak Out abt Alien, so she ...gets better... (lot of dish washing to start...)

🍂 Does your OC enjoy hugs? What do they do as a show of affection for: their friends, their family, their significant other(s) or for strangers? Over all what are they like with recieving affection from others?

mira: huggy, yes hug. do hug. her love language is Making Stuff and verbal praising ppl, like. She will call you cool and make you lil crafts. if she RECEIVES the affection shes quick to get flustered, esp if its a cute girl. she prefers to make the first moves, and gets real red when anyone else does. expect her to hide her face and mumble a ‘thank you’ very quietly

aqua: YES VERY MUCH HUGGY.  her affection/love language is very much touch based or just. very affectionate and will do acts of service for ppl she loves and wants to help them as much as possible!! when someone else gives HER affection, shes way more chipper/happy/excitable all day and glowing, like u can see it on her face!! she’ll thank the person very genuinely and try to hug them uwu

persimmon: not really huggy unless shes In The Mood for one, or knows the person well enough. her love language is very much Buying Things and showering people with gifts. she ..isnt very verbal about it unless shes close to the person. or just Spending time tbh means she likes u (on the flip side, if she doesnt shes just very Avoidant) when she recieves affection shes very ‘of COURSE you love me ;)’ confident, borderline arrogant abt it, but secretly she super appreciates it and gets a lil embarrassed? she gets a lot of compliments on her appearance, but if you compliment smth else (like..personality, or smth she actually worked hard on) she’ll like that a lot but brush you off verbally and act a lil nonchalant. 

🌼 Who are this characters friends and found family? How did they meet, how long have they been friends for, could they ever be something more than just friends? What do they look for in a friend or a romantic partner?

*aggressively trying to answer this for cara without spoilers...*

okay SO her “”friends”” among the aliens would probably be Arilla (queen’s assistant) Saguaro and Pereskia (two of queen’s top brass) Sapote, and Sapote’s older sister. So, basically, half queen’s crew sort of hates or looks down on her for being The Human, but Pereskia finds that sort of thing irrelevant and is only interested in how strong Cara could potentially be, and happily trains with her (sometimes pushing her way too far :| ) But she considers her..someone to learn from, which is close enough as she’ll let anyone. 

Arilla is somewhat protective over Cara as she reminds him of someone and tries to keep her out of trouble (does not succeed) hes got those dad friend instincts tho. but being the extremely uptight professional he is, she takes a while to realize hes been lookin out for her. 

Sapote’s sister is actually in charge of the kid’s area on the ship and kinda functions as a babysitter for all the kids, and its kind of become a safe area for Cara to go and just. Decompress. Sapote’s sister is kind of a pushover and cries easily, so Cara more or less..just..demands to be allowed in and the kids do kinda. love her and shes like ‘??? why???’ but. puts up with them (secretly enjoys it)

 Sapote very much adores Cara, she sees her as a little sister figure and doesnt CARE if shes human, she wants to tease and protect her bc theyre Both the Mews on Queens side, treated as lab rats, and she wants to take the brunt of that. Cara doesnt really realize how much she and the other aliens who like her protect her until later :) 

Saguaro is..a special case. They are  pretty heavily indoctrinated into the Deep Blue Worship Cult, so they think humans are divine, being descended from db. So. you can imagine cara is like. hmm. can use this and take a lil advantage. not great but :/ she has a hard time seein any of these people as genuine friends at the start, and she has a really hard time letting people in in general...that wasn’t always the case.

for a romantic partner she has a Type. 

:-)

[sorrelstream]

more rewrite ramblings...again

Specifically pertaining to crowfeather and how hes actually an antagonist in this au

• His relationship with Nightcloud is actually an arranged mateship; when Ashstar became leader after Tallstar's death, Onewhisker defied her and rallied a rebellion and Mudclaw actually supported him in this verse (hehe flipped). After the rebellion is quelled and Onewhisker either a. Dies, b. Backs off, or c. Is exiled/runs off, Mudclaw stays and as a sign of windclans unity they arrange for Ashstars son Crowfeather and Mudclaws daughter Nightcloud to be mates

• Anyways. After Crows rejected by Feathertail a second time, he kinda seems to dodge around the idea of an arranged marriage (nightcloud also isnt thrilled but agrees bc she feels like this is what a loyal windclan warrior would do). He reluctantly agrees but during this time starts sneaking around with Leafpool as his rebound, and he eventually convinces her to run away. When leafpool tells him they need to go back and break this off, crows pissed at her and moody. He goes back to nightcloud and pleads that she take him back to prove hes a loyal windclan warrior and nightcloud, both pitying him as he was her friend growing up and also again feeling pressured by her clanmates/clan, agrees and takes him back as her mate. Crow however still acts really shitty towards her, continuing to moon over leafpool and feathertail while doing a complete 180 around them and acting particularly mean/aggressive to leafpool

• Its kinda heavily implied that crows still pursuing romances with other mollies (be it rogues, loners, kittypets, other clan cats, etc.) by nightcloud a lot as nightcloud seeks comfort from squirrelstorm (who, while they never acted on their romantic feelings as apprentices, are still close friends and squirrel continues to quietly pine for night but chooses to push those feelings to the side) and nightcloud mentions that crow sneaks out at night a lot, is generally distant and cold towards her, and nothing like the friend she grew up with

• It kinda drives home nights worries when she goes into labor and crows literally nowhere to be found until the next morning, after night has a stillborn birth and breezekit is in severe critical condition

• Crow and night both begin to resent windclan. Night resents them for the pressure they put her in and acting as though the clans safety/unity solely resided on whether she had crows kits or not, but they continue to stand back and allow crow to treat night and breeze the way he does with no confrontation or even attempting to guide him to change (the only cats who ever seem bothered by crows treatment of his family besides night are whitetail, barkface, and breezes apprentice friends). Crow on the other hand resents windclan for keeping him tied down but mainly resents leafpool and nightcloud, believing that they ruined his chances at a happy life

• Idk if either crow trains in the dark forest or breeze trains in the dark forest yet tho tbh. I think breeze would still train while crow just remains an antagonist factor but idk

• Anyways. After the secret is revealed by lionblaze at a gathering (which causes both lion and holly to run away from thunderclan i might talk abt that in another post idk), ashstar decides she cant really punish crowfeather and doesnt even scold him bc whats done is done and in his defense he didnt know abt the three being his. Most of windclan actually blames leafpool for it (except for a select few ofc). Nightclouds resentment finally hits its peak and she decides to run off to thunderclan as they seemed to be the only cats who sympathized with her; breezepelt also agrees to come with her and they join thunderclan

• Leafpool also like the night after or so found nightcloud and begged her not to be mad at squirrelstorm for nevet telling her abt the threes bio kits. Leafpool had been unaware of nights arranged mateship to crow when they ran off and was extremely ashamed to not only be carrying a windclan toms kits but also a taken windclan toms kits so she begged squirrel not to tell anyone abt the bio parents of the kits. Squirrel agreed and in the end believed it didnt matter who their bio parents were bc she raised them as her own. Night decides to forgive leaf and squirrel and actually becomes even closer to them in thunderclan

• Anyways. Back to crow. Seeing night actually be happy in her thunderclan life (and the possible blooming/happy romance between her and squirrel), as well as leaf achieving her dreams and becoming a medicine cat, drives crow further into his bitterness. Hes mad that they got happy endings while he didnt, so in the final dark forest battle, crow targets them and breeze

• Ashstar actually takes a pretty bad wound defending breezepelt from crowfeather and begs nightcloud for forgiveness - she feels guilty for letting her son slide on so much and regrets shoving nightcloud into an unhappy romance under the guise of it being for the sake of windclan. Night forgives her but tells her she wont be rejoining windclan as she finally feels good about herself in thunderclan. Ash understands and accepts this (after the battle breeze does decide to move back to windclan, but hes happy for his mom back in thunderclan)

• Crow targets leaf at one point during the battle and attacks her, attempting to kill her, when either night bounds in and tears him away from her. They duke it out and crow tries to trick night into turning her back on him so he can sneak attack/kill her, but as he lunges for the kill holly intervenes and actually kills him (this is still up in concepts so idk tho. Night herself might just wreck him idk lol)

• Last thing. Idk if ill use this bc honestly i never read avos and ive never rlly thot abt rewriting the plot past oots but if i did: darktail would actually be the result of one of crows implied earlier romances (perhaps between him and one of the mollies from The Colony). Darktail sees this new era the clans are in of peace and open borders/being more open to cross-clan relationships (be it familial, romantic, or platonic) and feels enraged over the fact he and his mother lived a difficult hard life on their own, pushed away by crowfeather, for the sake of this code that is now not even a huge deal anymore. So he teams up with sol (? Perhaps idk) and tries to dismantle the clans and turn them on each other and go back to their old code bc if he had to suffer then he better not have suffered for no reason

[zanyanimalstechnologytaco]

My Hero Academia, the series, the fan media, the community all was a mistake of our time

I hate this show. More than Naruto and more than Fairy Tail. I hate Izuku, I hate Kstsuki, I hate how everyone and everything is just being forced to like everything about them, I hate All Might, I hate the Hero Association, I hate how light hearted and shallow arcs end. And I hate how things ended up with my once favorite character, his ship and everything I ever expected to be better became much worse and theres no male based fan media to or communities that allow my project myself in shouto anymore, seriously hes manly than "Cant stop Sparkling" guy now adays based on all the fan stuff he has about being with deku.

Todomomo was a mistake and Todoroki is a mistake. All bnha ships are unholy and wrong. Bnha is all shallowness and impure GARBAGE. I used to love bnha and was a big todoroki fan. But the more I invested through time in this character, the more i felt alone and isolated from the fandoms intention on shouto being bland fangirl fuel, the more I felt more distant from the character and not even the manga supports my reasons to invest in todoroki whom hori treats like the most shoehorned false hype emo in the show. And that offends me deeply, you got all these characters and the ones that you are expected to take seriously (and live through vicariously) are the most important characters in the show. Deku, Bakugou, All Might, Mineta, Kirishima and even Endeavor are these character and he obviously builds up there hidden character development in abilities and progression, shouto still struggles with his own personal development and is basically the same as he started with the added bonus of jobbing.

Oh and all the hype about him being cool and attractive, just irrelevant blanket statement extra tidbit filler, nothing meaningful but to make shouto explained why hes special, I prefer it if the story elaborates this by "showing" it, which the author just skims through with him and hand waves consistancy with contradiction in other following scenes making him seem like a weaker/dumber from before(ex. Fighting Festival(shouto a top tier student in every respect according to deku) to Stain Fight(Shouto is nothing but quirk reliant) according to Stain). Strongest quirk wise, this is all he has for him but even hes not even the most talented or intelligently trained with it, which makes me wonder of all shouto is just a blanket statement based character that just meant to exist to explore how insignificant he is with all his power and advantages compared to the main duo and other coming of age based events involving the cast. Even his father represents this more than his son.

Todomomo seems to relate to this, but its meaningless, just like everything else shouto has been portrayed by fans, based on how much the author puts his narrative into play which is also meaningless in the grander context of the story. Why make momo and shouto work together in the first place only to not build that relationship in future developments.

That pairing I hate(todomomo), I didnt hate in the beginning only to me because it was the only humanizing aspect todoroki had not related to his family and later the forced shoehorned dynamic with deku and bakugou, it made sense because the two are socially awkward people despite their supreme standing in the class and as first years and yet they both encourage each other by standing firm to overcome their own lack of socialization skills to grow as ideal people and improve socially, which seems to be working for momo now not shouto who's still the brooding loner elitist type(only has friends with elitist characters like friends too) . Now it's a husk and a relic of a potential investment in shoutos own story, I dont give a damn anymore, shoutos has no real anticipating developments to compel him to me, his quirk is boring as fuck since it's just a shooting targeting spammer, he isnt a good character to entertain me from a personal way, he really is a broken record of the same issues with a new idea, his family outside of endeavor and overcooked guy is more boring than him, and god I hate him with deku and bakugou which gives me more a reason to not bother with anything about him specifically since they will always overshadow him as story narrative and progress development narrative types, and I hate those two more. They are really just stand ins as horikoshi escapist fantasies, and both of them get more attention than any character as narratives who pretty much get the most attention in doing the most awesome feats and accomplishments as main roles. The new movie was about that. Shoutos accomplishments center around how he plays second fiddle to that basically instead of exploring the potential of being a pure equal to deku and bakugou, he gets the second in command villains or does something less than them in battles they already excell at in quirk control.

It's all worthless, shouto should not be this popular anything, and eventually this reflects in the popularity polls recently, which I noticed in the west from the previous one, shouto was less recieved by a significant margin compared to the main leads as a third place holder, maybe it shows me that todoroki is losing favor slowly, it makes sense, the author is not doing anything with him that makes people catch interest with the plot about strong heroes and villains getting more relevant as major players, while hes stronger than most the class but not plot relevant with his strength like deku has. Bakugou is like just like deku since the plot focuses on his strength to and is naturally stronger than Shouto via being the more badass and more aggressively driven he gets and thus gets as strong if not stronger and more skilled than shouto out of sheer plot armor. Shouto is just getting hotter and cold, bigger and more raw and unrefined in his power, so he has to control it which is still not as grand as bakugous perfect skills and genius and deku grander scaling in brains and brawn. If I were to make a guess, shouto is just going to to be behind them both as a stronger quirk user eventually and more about being a defensively capable than battle capable like kirishima and ochako, fitting for a major yet minor character, which disappoints me even more since shouto can be more battle creative than both of them if the author didnt have a bias in making deku and bakugou better than him despite having a stronger quirk.

God I hate this series. Theres no likable characters that are relatable or even human, there all shallow power and fanservice fantasies, the only character in class 1s that acts less cartoonish and serves as a stand in audience Surrogate is jirou and tail guy, but they are all about being generic looking compared to the unrealistically attractive guys and girls, the looney toon designed comic relief, and the recycled shonen trope cast. But if anything shouto represents all these shallow functions the most, and it's made him a less than a character too, it made him a sellout fan appeal type with no credibility as a character, which is why men dont like him due to not showing much concern to connect to him as a human narrative, at least the characters compared to him are showing why they(despite acting like shallow cliches) are interesting characters to care about, shoutos thing is telling about how tragically sympathetic his character needs to be as the only important thing about him, not as a part of him as a character to endear towards while he grows and helps build up a leading narrative with his development. His story doesnt help any part of the main lead or rivals growth, or his class, or his own personal objectives for his goals as a hero(being like all might and surpassing all might is a all purpose blanket statement to keep him near deku and bakugou as a power hype, not a individual self defined person). Dragging out objectives(season 1: being anti endeavor on surpassing all might which in the end pledges to learn not to do that and become better, season 2.Learning from the festival and from then on to being able to take endeavors legacy and take his training seriously which compared to deku and bakugou isnt enough to show much, Season 3. Promises to make people depend on him, doesnt happen since hes still the unapproachable person people in his class know him for. Season 4. Still makes promises hes gonna be a dependable hero, still accept his fire side, still be his own hero, things he repeats and fails to attempt because hori is lazy or just doesnt care about showing how much hes changed compared to his mary sue duo. etc) that dont happen and are inconsistent with new story details is why shouto is dead to me. High expectations about him are problematic since the author has agendas that don't involve story relevancy about him compared to the actual leading roles, plus the fan reception helps effect how I feel about shouto to, hes not even popular enough to have drawn pornagraphy with most all the girls and high quality momo hentai fanservice artists and circles, fucking mineta and your average joe otaku faceless male is more likely than shouto instead. That's how much the value shouto means to anyone than just a fangirl targeted audience which is just gay or bishi equivalent to sasuke fanworks and the feminine answer to male targeted audiences of characters like deku, bakugou and mineta, the worst and most common types of shonen stock characters in the series.

I hope this series and all the fans get tired of this shit when it gets eventually cancled. Or maybe it has. I dont really keep up with it anymore.

[the-benevolent-beast]

Who is best friends with who?

**Glad you asked!! I’ll do Best friends and also general friends- Jade has been ‘childhood’ friends with Jeffery for a long time; (since he made his debut in the UR, really- she was the.. second? person he actually got to know alittle after being dragged down there))She’s been friends with him since, and even went through schooling (the Institute) with him; in fact, Eyeless was also in their graduating class, and she considers him a friend as well.However, things have gotten a bit r o c k y in their friendship (which wont be discussed currently but theres a few negatives), and Jade has seemed to spend more time with the likes of Will than with him. Jade seems a bit happier lately since she’s befriended Will as well..She met Will under rather specific circumstances, but seems more than happy to lend him a hand and, much to his surprise, actually actively seems to like being his friend and hanging out with him or helping him. Yes, she’s known for her benevolence (and or malevolence if the need arises), but she just felt an odd click with him. She finds him kind and dorky, but also deteminded and just a tad idiotic- but hey, who isnt? Basically, she really likes this one- its a nice change after enduring alot of Jeffery’s... stuff, towards her....Even if Will is friends and roommates with... h i m.In conclusion; Jade is/was(?) Best Friends with Jeffery (while Jeffery also considers Ben a best friend of course), is good friends with Eyeless, is on good terms with a good handful of other individuals, and has been getting along quite nicely with Will. If she had to admit it, she’s taken quite a liking to Will, and he may be the soon runner up for that Best Friend position...- Jeffery, as stated above, has been ‘childhood’ friends with Jade since he met her all those years ago, having met and gotten to know her quite well. He also (somehow) made good friends with the likes of Ben and Penny, while at least being on okay terms with Eyeless and a few others from their Graduating class. Though, admittedly, looking back on it now it seems he did take advantage of Jade and the others quite a bit, but its not like him to dwell on the past too much so he himself doesnt think about it like Jade has. He isn’t someone who has alot of friends, or actively makes them; if anything, no one at this point forward wants to be his friend. He’s rude and full of himself, tends to take advantage of those close to him sometimes, and has made quite the showing as of late of being a selfish asshole, also probably needs a shower. In Jade’s words, she feels he’s only gotten worse over the passed few years, and she’s starting to get annoyed/hurt by it, as she cant really see why he’s stooped so low lately.In conclusion; Jeffery is/was(?) Best friends with Jade, Best friends with Ben (though he’s not around much, doin’ his own thing, and also not in this barrel of a party that is the blog), good friends with Penny, on okay-ish terms with Eyeless, and thats about it. Oh, and Smile- Smile has been his good boi best pal for awhile now, and Smile seems indifferent. Ongoing feuds with Jane, annoyance or aggression towards others, and his boasting and thinking he’s one of the best has made everyone either ignore or avoid him- as you do.- Eyeless gets along just fine with anyone he meets, as he isn’t much of a talker and has a more silent understanding. If he doesnt like someone, he either would make it known or just look the other way and ignore them. While he doesnt actively have a best friend that could be seen as another individual, he does see Seedie as a good companion and could easily consider her a Best Friend in a way. He see’s Jade as a good individual that he’s spent some time with and even ran into while ‘out on the field’ (in the OW). While he’s on okay-ish terms with Jeffery, he easily admits that the selfish-vibe Jeff gives him isn’t one he likes.In conclusion; Best friend is Seedie, good friends or positive acquaintances with a handful if not most others.- LJ .... well. No One likes LJ. He himself isn’t sure why everyone dislikes him so much, but he’s so used to it at this point that he hasnt questioned it in quite some time. Maybe its personal things to each individual, or maybe its an agreed upon disliking for him by a group or more of individuals, but either way- its pretty obvious that Jack is one of the least liked out of anyone. Maybe its something he did? Said? Still does? Who knows...But then again, one night out in the field (out in the OverWorld), he was interrupted by a small kid- roughly no older than six. In fact, the six year old had just caught him gutting and lowkey strangling a seven year old that the younger had been been having a ‘sleep over’ with. The six year old didnt run, or scream, or seem frightened- no, in fact, he seemed curious. After seeing the seven year old cut open and hanging on by a thread, the six year old just stood there, silent but curious. He looked to Jack, and Jack stared back; with a look of surprise no less- he wasn’t used to getting caught in the act by other kids, he was used to hearing the hurried footsteps of paranoid and frantic mothers or fathers and then getting caught in the act by them instead. Then that night finished in a blur- the six year old doesnt remember much after that but isn’t allowed to that house again. The distraught and paranoid family of the then gutted deceased seven year old moved away shortly after.Jack felt odd after that night- something about how the kid wasn’t scared by him at all, but intrigued instead. It didnt take long before he found the kid again, but alone. He was home alone, although with a babysitter (who wasn’t paying any attention to him). Jack observed the kid for a bit, finding him to be fairly lonely, but not at all a brat. He was curious, and albeit a tad stupid in actions (a crazy lil kid who always managed to do the most outlandish or dorky of things without being a brat), was a good kid. He felt no desire to harm this one, and in fact started to feel a tad odd on the inside. Fuzzy, somewhere in his chest or head, or something. A ‘bond’, maybe. He was in denial about any "bond” when it crossed his mind, but looking back on it now he realizes it most likely definitely is. After a bit, he decided to show himself to the kid- with less blood on his hands this time- to which the youngster seemed more than happy to see him again- and this time in his more well lit bedroom instead of a dark room on a stormy night. Well, that was a start to an surprisingly good friendship.Oh, who’s the six year old, you ask?Well, it was William of course!In conclusion; he considers Will his good lil best buddy and has for years. Jack has sort of been the best friend, sorta the weird uncle like sort of figure in Will’s life, and later lazyboned roommate,,And for a bit, he’s sort of tried to get on Jade’s good side since she started coming around to Will- but it doesnt seem to be working...- William is a fresh newcomer to the UR and... really doesnt have any friends. He never has, really. He’s had peers, kids his age, his parents, and thats about it. Well, until he had been picked up by a friend of his mothers to have a small sleep over with her own son a good 35 minutes away- to a sleep over that ‘didnt end well’ and one he cant really remember much from.His parents were always busy, so asking their friends who also had kids if they could do a sleep over wasn’t uncommon. He was often left to play and hang out with kids around his age who already knew eachother- which means he was usually left out of things and never made any friends. he was always late to the party when it came to making friends with his parent’s friend’s kids. He was usually quiet around others, and when it was apparent that none of them wanted to be his friend, he got even quieter the whole time he wasn’t home.He was a good kid, so his mother (who paid more attention to him than his father, and actually tried to be there for him) didnt understand why..But after a certain event took place during one of the sleep overs he had been too, his mother had been too scared to let him out, and instead started to have a babysitter instead. That’s when she noticed he seemed to get alittle happier- but unknown to her, it was because of a certain clown instead of any babysitter. Regardless, she was just relieved and joyed to see him just a tad happier.As he grew up, and throughout his school years, he never made any friends, as others always seemed to ignore or avoid him, or act as if he wasn’t there. So, no friends all throughout his child and teen years- well, aside from Jack, who has always sort of been there for him. However, when he got to age 13 and beyond, Jack seemed to come around less and less, but still made efforts to see his ‘best buddy’. So even though he know he had Jack as a friend and ‘support’, he still felt rather lonely, and sometimes (even though he didn’t show it) the whole ‘no one likes him’ would get into his head and his feelings.Fast forward to finishing high school and getting kicked out soon after, Will basically begged Jack to bring him to the UR- to start anew there and be the best killer he (had nearly never mentioned that he) wanted to be. It caught Jack off guard, as it’d been quite awhile since he’d let the UR slip in convo with this kid and wasn't entirely sure about bringing him there... but it happened.Fast forward again, the boi is finally somewhat sorta settled in the UR and just started more schooling- the Institute... and still has plenty of trouble making any friends or even acquaintances. Which isn't surprising, as its the UR, but he thought he’d at least have another chance... but then he met Jade.Which, ultimately, seemed to put him at ease- as she was more than happy to befriend him and get to know him on such a level... despite being one of his teachers...  In conclusion; Will considers Jack to be his best friend and has for years, and see’s Jade in a similar light so far. He still gets sorta awkward and flush around her bc having a new friend for once is sorta really weird to him, especially (another) one that could easily slaughter him in seconds but he appreciates her friendship.. alot. He appreciates both of them, even if one is a lazyboned clown with a habit of being hated by others, and the other being a fluffy beast but with soft intentions and actually doesnt mind him at all.**so theres that- geez I wrote alot for LJ and Will, forgive me,,,,**also forgive if anything seems muddled, its like 2:20 am

[19possums-blog]

On tianshan relationship and their fandom, i guess ?

hello there @nightfayre !! Im the 5asks anon lol (the one abt the last chapter of tianshan). I wanted to thank you for your answer and continue to rant in your askbox but i figured it was so long that mb it would crash ur box lmao, so I... kind of created a blog..... hm. well theres no bad reasons to create an account is there lol ?? (also is there no way to send a long ask ?? why is it so limited :(( )

So once again thank you for anwser, and what an answer ! You raised many points i didnt think about and that was very interesting. I knew i would be glad to hear your thoughts ! the rest under a read more coz i think its going to be looong lol

(( To do a sort of disclaimer : I despise fandom discourse and im more of the mentality “let ppl enjoy what they want as long as it dont hurt real life ppl”, and “dont like dont interact”. So everything im going to say is not an attack against anyone, but just a way of prolonging a manhwa that i like. Most of all, i want to emphasize that at the end of the day, its just a manhwa : it doesnt justify being mean or aggressive towards other real life ppl. If you find yourself raging while reading fandom wank, just stop reading, block, and go outside a little. My way of enjoying the manhwa is to be analytical, to criticize (positively and negatively) and to look at the material source as well as the fandom in itself ; if its (understandably lol) not your definition of fun, this post may not be for you !))

Ur totally right in saying that the hardest thing is separate morality, reality and fiction. I hope my asks didn't come across as a 'u shouldnt like tianshan bc its not morally good'. There is a lot of puritan push back on tumblr lately, and im totally against it. Everyone is free to like/ship what they want ; reading only ‘morally good’ literature wont prevent you to become a nasty person - i would argue itd be the exact opposite, as your spirit wont be trained to think critically or to evaluate a situation (and every situations is always grey) by your own means. Also, its important to separate fantasies/what you like to read and who you are/what you do. To be embarrassingly honest, and like many people, one of my sexual fantasy is rape ; but in my real life, im in a queer anarchist collective that actively fights against rape culture and defends rape victims. That is why i dont have a problem with SheLI/Mo shippers (or even HeCheng/SheLi shippers) even if its not my cup of tea, but i would have a problem if in real life (irl) ppl would say to irl Mo that irl SL is good for him (or if they wouldnt find it wrong that a irl 30yo Cheng is involved wt an irl 15yo Li). I digress.

But then again this confusion about fiction/reality/morality is at the core of the tianshan fandom -and many fandoms. I dont know about you, but i grossly see 3 types of ‘trends’ depending on how ppl interact with the source material  :

1.The ones who think you cant like something while being critical of it. I love 19 days but I think there are flaws in it, beyond tianshan dynamic (like how OX handles the transition between funny and dramatic moments –I think its badly done). It doesn’t mean I personally hate OX and wish harm to their family oc. Worse than this, the ones who, because they dont like certain things in 19 days, feel free to harass OX on their social media.  Here its a confusion between fiction and reality and a lack of critical thinking.

2. the ones that loves Tianshan because they think it fits the trope “Dark, handsome, tortured violent boy who is violent towards fragile, sweet, pure cute boy because he loves him” and the typically associated trope “the pure boy will change the violent boy by the pureness of his heart”. Aka the most common yaoi trope. Again, if it pleases people to see Tianshan like this, good for them and i hope they have a nice time reading 19 days. Lets face it, I love really bad yaoi and books. Its just not how i see tianshan at all, but to each their own. I just have a problem when these ppl insist that its an ok behavior to have in real life and say things like “possessiveness is a proof of love” uncritically (hint : it isnt). For me, its the difference between enjoying fast food (thats okay), and wanting to force everyone to eat fast food and to find it pleasurable (not okay).

3. the ones that think what you like in literature defines who you are, and so in order to be a “good person” you have to only like “morally good litterature” -there are the ones I personally find the more interesting bc they can ask good questions. But alas, in most cases its just puritanism badly disguised and currently they are in all fandoms. Lets not delve into the issue of this statement : what is ‘morally good’ ? who are in the authority to proclaim what is good ? how can you recognize what is ‘morally good’ if you dont see what is ‘morally not good’ ? is it literature’s responsibility to educate its audience ? do literature have to point out “watch out audience what just happened is not okay” as if we were brainless children ? whats more important : what you like reading or what you do irl ? .... Okay i totally delve into this lmao. Here its a confusion between fiction and morality and a rejection of critical thinking : we could say its like when the Catholics prohibited women from reading bc it would pervert them and think of the children).

Returning to the specifics of what we've been talking about  : so in this last case, you (generic ‘you’) think that you are a good person ; so you have to read morally good literature. So in this case, fandom isnt just a harmless hobby, but a proof of how you are morally good, imagine the stakes ! But alas, you happen to like 19 days and most specifically tianshan. You said (@nightfayre​ ) that you judge Tianshan unhealthy as they are now, and i wholeheartedly agree with you, so im not going to discuss why since you already explained it so well. So, what happens when you like a morally not good ship, but you think liking morally dubious things makes you a bad person ? You bent over backwards to explain that, in fact, this ship is morally good, to protect your integrity. And thats why, in 19days fandom since the last chapter (and its the same thing with every chapter where flaws of HT are revealed!), there are many posts going around “hm, in fact, what He Tian did is good ! i know it can seems like hes a violent asshole who dont respect MGS because he punches him, threatens him, and dont listen to him, but hm.... in fact its because he’s nice...” and then they do mental gymnastics to justify what is, obviously, not morally justifiable. And i find its a pity because, my guy, my buddy, nobody is going to throw you tomatoes if you like a morally dubious character, and also bc nothin is morally good ! everybody does what they think is the best in ‘problematic situations’ ! and thats what make life interesting ! and so, 19 days interesting ! The flaws of HT (and MGS) are what drawn ppl to his character, bc it makes him real, its makes him contradictory, we can project ourselves in him, and we can see a complicated character with awesome latent potential. And yes, treating someone like a territory bc you care about them is a flaw lol. (on this subject : i saw ppl saying that its protectiveness and not possession : if you protect someone like you would protect a territory, then its not a healthy protection. you deal with a human whose agency you must respect, contrary to a territory).

MGS and HT are the product of what happen to them in their early childhood and then their adolescence. Like you said, they grow up in a violent, twisted world, where being emotionally distant is the norm. I would even say that they are expected to conform to the standards of (toxic) masculinity : channel all your emotions into anger, caring is being weak and feminine, prove your worth by your physical strength, be in control in all ur relationship, etc. I would say thats why Mo is so hostile towards HT : HT challenges his masculinity, by seducing him (everyone know that the biggest fear of macho men like HT and Mo is being considered gay -_-) and being stronger than him. Lets face it, Mo has kind of a homophobic issue, like all the boys. Between JY who tells HT its disgusting being told hes handsome by a man (at the beginning of the manhwa, i hope by now he had grown out of it), or Mo who tells HT he isnt happy that a guy is on his bed or who desperately wants to prove his heterosexuality by saying he likes all cute girls to his baldy friend... HT is more nuanced, but at the end, when he ‘seduces’ Mo, its always predatory. He doesnt let himself being vulnerable and he aggressively touches Mo even without his consent. For me, its a way of proving his domination, not his interest (and when i say that, i dont mean that HT is not genuinely interested in Mo -just that his actions dont translate this). ZZX is the only one who seems to have a healthy relationship with his masculinity lol, but then hes the healthy one in all aspects (thats why i dont like his character and am not invested in zhanyi, even if irl i would love to be his friend).

With all that being said, oc HT wont know how to adequately express genuine concern and interest in Mo ! This sort of social interactions is not something you just know, its smth you learn. And in HT and Mo’s cases, nobody was there to teach them -we could even say that ppl in their life made them unlearn caring behaviors. So HT does what he does best : he fights and forces, and is surprised when Mo thinks (obviously) HT is evil. And also, like you said, Mo will never be (at least how he is now) a driving force in their relationships bc he will always run away from bonding with ppl. So here we are, HT being the only driving force in their relationship, the same HT who only knows violence. No wonder that their relationship is like this...

As it is, i feel like tianshan is kind of in an impasse right now. One or the other is going to have to evolve if we want to see their relationships changing. Either HT learns how to care without being violent (seems complicated if Mo doesnt challenges him, bc HT isnt going to realize this without feedback since its how he has always functioned), or, more likely, Mo is going to be honest with him and tell him that his behavior is hurting him. Though more probable, I dont see it happening anytime soon : for one, Mo isnt capable of seeing when he is hurting emotionally and what is hurting him ; and also, bc Mo doesnt know any other language than violence, not unlike HT. I think its smth most of the fandom ignore, how violence is smth that HT and MGS both have in common, and how if HT wasnt violent, MGS certainly wouldnt consider him at all.

Anw im excited to see where OX is going with all this ! Like you said, the forced kiss was pivotal to their relationship, so im kind of hoping it would be the same here ! I just hope they wont... do like usual and just put a funny chapter and ignore this latest development.....

OMG i wrote soo much and there is so much i still want to say.... i think im going to do a second post... sorry about the spam lmao

( @nightfayre : i dont know how this site works yet, is @ you alright ? will it show you my post in your notif or should i send an ask ?  bc i want you to see my answer, but i dont want you to feel pressurized to respond or interact or anything !! above all dont feel pressurized, i was sad last night when you wrote ‘im sorry to not answer more quicly’ bc you should answer at your own rhythm or not answer ! your blog is a hobby, not an obligation, so dont feel bad to not do more when yo already do much !! )

[tumblunni]

Oh fuck i cant stand this

Ive already almost used up my damn mobile data again and i only bought it yesterday. Fuck i want to go home. You guys are like the only comfort i have here and i dunno what im gonna do when i cant message you again

Fuckin hell stupid shit day! I was supposed to go to a therapy class thing today but the stupid bus went past where my abusive father lives and i had a MASSIVE FREAKOUT and had to go home and then ofcourse to go home you have to go back on the stupid same bus!! I fuckib failed and wasted the doctor's time and he had to grab me to stop me from running off the bus crying and back to fuckin hell dad's house because im shit and i deserve everything he ever did to me

AND THEN fuckin same doctor continues the relentless constant tide of everyone misgendering me and making crass transphobic jokes

"You see you've gotta understand the other opinion" he says, as if trans people werent fuckin raised SURROUNDED by cis people's predjudiced opinion of us and taught it was fact. As if it didnt take me SO MUCH WORK to even become confident enough to stand up for myself! I've gotta see the 'other opinion' that "yknow well families and children use public bathrooms and theyre scared trans people will molest their children so its understandable they want to kick you out or even act violent to you". Yknow the OTHER OPINION that MY OPINION DOESNT MATTER and also MY ENTIRE EXISTANCE IS A CRIME but i'm the one being predjudiced for not accepting that OPINION, right?! Im here trying to tell him that no that isnt rational because there have been LITERALLY NO RECORDED CASES of trans people molesting children in public bathrooms, or even "evil men faking being trans" to do the same thing. There's been more cases of actual cis men breaking into women's bathrooms to drag women out for merely LOOKING trans. More cis women have been harassed because of anti trans laws than they ever did before! But hey "respect that other opinion", right? And also "at least its not as bad as russia" and "but gay pride is everywhere now, that one footballer had rainbow shoelaces." Hey wow i never noticed that not only was homophobia totally over but also transphobia was remotely related to that! Wow! I seriously had to bring out the fuckin 1600s historical investigation on pre-british olde englishe that showed the existance of a gender neutral pronoun before the word "he" ever existed, and the existance of transgender pride and pronoun discussions in the 1800s before the word transgender was even popularized. I cant believe i fuckin had to do a 'show your sources that queer people existed before the internet' IN REAL LIFE. WITH A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. I can point at the damn NHS website but nooooo!

Oh and yknow what got me the most? YKNOW WHAT GOT ME THE MOST?? "We have sick people here, you cant expect them to remember stuff like that. Dont ruin their recovery by bringing up stuff like that." Like..fuckin..IM A FUCKIN PATIENT TOO. I wasnt even asking the other patients to stop hurting me i was asking you the staff to maybe consider it! And seriously you want me to be so super ultra perpetually prepared and perpetually rational and able to keep my existance secret and out of every conversation yet theyre too ill to learn about lgbt people existing? Just a sentence would be too painful? And me living every day being misgendered doesnt impact my ability to recover at all, eh? Fuckin shitting fuck hell.

And i hate it i HATE IT because he's being nice so i'll be the bad guy if i complain. Likehe fuckin..doesnt even know he's being rude and doesnt want to consider the idea. He says 'i dont like your tone' if i suggest the concept and FUCK in that moment i was so fuckin scared he was gonna hit me like my dad did. Or at tge very least kick me out of the hospital if i dont cooperate with him. He just fuckin..thinks he's perfectly unbiased and accepts everyone and "oh but i like to make fun of everyone equally". And i even fuckin raised the subject that people who say that often only make fun of minorities and never themselves, the majority, or major power structures. And he's just like 'yeah yeh i hate people like that'. Whoosh. Rigjt over the head. God i wasnt even TRYING to be passive aggressive i was trying tk outright tell him why what he said was upsetting me but NOPE. Trying to explain how its just so hard and tiring to have to verrrrrry patientlyyyyy explain yourself to EVERYONE EVERY DAY CONSTANTLY while they sling loads of rude words at you and it should be just allowed because they 'dont know better'. Like you ask me to educate you but at the same time im rude if i actually tell you?? And god i also tried to explain how the fuckin bathroom violence thing isnt an example of 'educating another opinion' AGAIN by saying like... If someone just asked me to explain being transgender i would. If someone just said they were uncomfortable i would leave. That's 'another opinion'. Reacting with slurs and violence to a trans person existing and not doing anything to you is not 'another opinion' and its not someone who 'just didnt know'. He was seriously trying to argue that it WASNT BIGOTED it was just someone rationally being afraid for their children because of a danger that doesnt exist, and rationally reacting with extreme violence rather than doing anything else. Rationally. RATIONALLY. oh just MISTAKENLY committing a hate crime! Cos they just didnt know trans people exist! Not cos they hate us! Oh no! Yeah sure we totally have a fucking DUTY to educate these POOR UNKNOWING PEOPLE while theyre attacking us, and its our damn fault if we didnt...

And just fucking FUCK i hate how someone can say all that stuff and still be "nice" and still not hate me personally? Like its so messed up?? He's not anti trans or anything he just has so much more damn sympathy for cis people than trans people, and puts all the onus on us to somehow prevent our own murders. And he thinks that "i dont have a problem with trans people" means doing LITERALLY NOTHING to change your behaviour to make trans people feel accepted. They should just magically know that your jokes are jokes when theyre surrounded by so many people saying it honestly, in CONSTANT FEAR OF THAT EXACT THING LEADING TO VIOLENCE. And like in order to be "a guy who has no problem with trans people" he has to do nothing, while in order for me to be not bigoted against HIM it means i have to never get offended by his jokes and also never talk about myself and also constantly educate him about things because he doesnt want to learn, even though he works in a hospital thats supposed to have an anti discrimination policy. Like fuckin just NOT HURTING LGBT PEOPLE doesnt make you discrimination free, shit like telling me to misgender myself because my pronouns would confuse the other patients is kinda fuckin fucked up. Also "that's a question for later" is all i CONSTANTLY get when it comes to talking about legal name changes or therapy or even just talking to an lgbt support group. I have to wait until i stop being depressed because oh no im talking about too many mental illnesses at once. Its been seven years and i havent fuckin stopped being depressed, bitch! Ever consider a fuckin symptom of gender dysphoria is a big ol fat depression!!! And just gahhhhh he was so fuckin baffled and angry that i would dare to get emotional about the subject?? Like he just saw DEBATING WHETHER TRANS PEOPLE ARE REAL and WHETHER PEOPLE WHO MURDER THEM FOR USING THE BATHROOM ARE JUSTIFIED as a perfectly normal casual discussion that a Non Transphobic Man could have with his transgender friend. Why oh why would i cry about this casual hypothetical discussion? Hey its not like it fuckin affects me directly! "Well its never happened to you right?" A Ha Ha Ha Ha. Also fuckin "so which bathroom do you use?" and "well you're not really transgender if youre not getting the surgery-oh wait you do want the surgery? How does that work then?" I swear i could just see the gears turning in his head and he was about to say "do you want both down there". Gahhhhhh *cringes myself into a tiny tumbleweed and blows away*

Also the entire time he kept calling being trans a sexuality and also asexuality. "No youre not trans youre asexual right?" Yeah sure ive just been saying im trans and saying im not a girl and wearing a chest binder and talking this entire conversation about my experiences as a trans person in public bathrooms just to pull an elaborate prank on you. And like i know what he meant is that he thought the word for nonbinary was asexual (has asexuality REALLY made so little progress towards getting into the sex ed curriculum in the entire 25 years of my life?) But like seriously he was like "youre not really trans if youre nonbinary". And then fuck dude i dont wanna explain how surgery works to you!! And especially not also my entirely unrelated sexuality that has entirely different equally upsetting predjudices!

Ans gahhhh fuck i just got no sympathy for crying and he acted as if it was just some wildly unexpected occurance he never could have predicted. And i hate it cos he's nice to me whenever the subject is about anything else. I cant get any symoathey from ANYONE because he's A NICE GUY and why dont i just understaaaaaand other opinionnnnnns

I wanted to fuckin quit this whole thing on the spot and go home. Only reason i cant is because my support worker is off work until thursday auauauaughhh

Fuck at least one positive i guess is that ive made progress in the social anxiety or at least gotten better at giving the impression im making progress. Cos i want to LEAVE AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. And also fuck all my other worries seem less suicide-inducing when im actually getting the closest ive ever been to killing myself on a daily basis because of a stupid other thing that i never could have predicted. Go here for one form of self hate, come home with another! Yayyyyy

And fuck i havent even made a single bit of progress on drawing or writing anything and i cant practise making ganes cos my laptop cant run rpgmaker and i havent even started reading my giant pile of books cos they fuckin LOOK THROUGH THE WINDOW EVERY SINGLE HOUR TO MAKE SURE YOU AINT KILLED YOURSELF. i have no fuckin pribacy and its making me wanna kill myself even more!! I just live constantly on edge looking at the fuckin door window and i cant even do anything to distract myself because im too scared of them looking at me!! Or barging in at no notice to tell me i have to do some big stressful thing RIGHT NOW because i dont even get advance notice of anything aaaa! And fuck i dont have anywhere to go to even calm down from a panic attack cos i have no privacy so at least im getting over being scared of going outside cos outside is the only place i can go to cry. Fuckin strangers in the crowd at least wont cause shit if they see me.

Fuck i want to go home. Fuck i wish i had enough money to keep buying mobile internet. Its like fuckin 750mb a day to run tumblr but its all ive got to talk to any person who doesnt hate me or patronize me or think im faking a bunch of shit or whatever the fuck. And im not even any fun to be around when im like this so im probably just ruining your day too. And im probably gonna vanish again soon and then just go back to crying alone and getting worse and probably never being able to leave

I knew it was gonna be stressdul but i didnt predict any of this.. I just wanna fuckin die. I wanted to jump out the car and go to my old dad's house and have him pull open the door and slap me around a bit. Like call me a fucking dyke, call me a sick retard, be honest about your feelings! I'd fuckin take being abused over this "oh youre the bad one for being mad because i had goooood intentions" reverse psychology bigotry from hell. Either these people are evil geniuses or theyre even more stupid like me. Fuckin shit dad please manifest in my room and slap me, killing me instantly. I feel like being scared of you would at least be a faster emotion than this nebulous sensation of confusing unease and dysphoria 24/7 for 6 fuckin months. One week done, haha! Hahahabahahahahahahahahahahahahshahahahahahshshshahshahahahhahahaaaa

[saints-row-2]

in fallout Tuesday and Ezra-Kane work together long enough to take down the Legion but completely destroy their partnership during Lonesome Road and turn to blows when it comes to deciding if theyre gonna work with House or not and Tuesday runs Ezra-Kane out of town before the ending of New Vegas. when they see each other again in Fallout 4 its intensely aggressive and the only reason they dont fight it out there and then is bcs theyre both working with Atticus (both to take down the Institute, but also in Ezra-Kane’s case to take down the Brotherhood, and in Tuesday’s to minimise damage to the Brotherhood). they leave off in Fallout 4 with the desire to never see each other again and Tuesday promising Ezra-Kane that he wont fucking hesitate to come after him if he feels that Ezra-Kane has gone too far down the ‘he who fights monsters’ path.

like Ezra-Kane and Tuesday have the same fundamental goal; they want to take down bad people. but as ive said before, Tuesday is driven by a desire to always be good and destroy evil. he always wants to do the right thing. Ezra-Kane, on the other hand, wants to stop evil preemptively by becoming such a powerful force that he can stop anyone else from gaining power. so while Tuesday is kind of aimlessly wandering around doing shit, Ezra-Kane has a structured plan, a lot of which involves doing shit that could be seen as for his own gain. 

Tuesday doesnt think Ezra-Kane is fundamentally evil, and hes thrown enough by Ezra-Kane’s ‘ends justify the means’ style plan that he doesnt really know if he should do anything about Ezra-Kane, but he knows he cant justify helping or working with Ezra-Kane. Ezra-Kane thinks Tuesday is naive, endlessly slapping band-aids on the Wasteland without any kind of actual plan (and uses Tuesday’s abandonment of the Mojave when the Mojave needs leadership and Tuesday’s working with Maxson’s Brotherhood as proof that Tuesday doesnt know what hes doing) and doesnt want anything to do with him bcs he thinks Tuesday’s a joke. they just personally hate each other more than anything.

in the 80s au/in my El Reino stories they DO start off working together, in order to deal with the mystery in the story (which im still working out) and eventually turn on each other bcs theyre kind of destined to always hate each other. in El Reino, Tuesday is a PI and Ezra-Kane is just a rich kid with connections to the mafia, who he also despises. again, Tuesday’s primary goal is just to do good things, but Ezra-Kane’s is initially to kill the don, Drago, as revenge. eventually he realises this wouldnt actually help El Reino at all, and he risks either whoever Drago’s replacement is, or worse, one or more of the mafia families outside El Reino taking over. he decides he needs to, again, become more powerful and challenge the entire local organisation.

in this universe again, Tuesday doesnt think Ezra-Kane is evil, but does think he’s power-hungry and immensely doesnt trust him. Ezra-Kane, again, doesnt give a shit what Tuesday thinks because he thinks Tuesday is pathetic. and again, neither of them directly challenge each other. 

in Fallout, Ezra-Kane thinks that the whole world is sick. hes so traumatised by what he sees in the Wasteland after leaving the vault that it destroys his ability to believe anything good can grow there, and he becomes hellbent on reform by any means necessary. in El Reino, Ezra-Kane is specifically traumatised by the mafia due to teenage interactions with the mob, and while initially his anger is towards Drago as the mafia’s leader, like i said he turns to a larger plan. essentially its the same plan as in Fallout, to form his own ‘gang’ (again utilising connections that Teddy Tallahassee has) and challenge a larger organisation. although here its an isolated strand of the mafia (Drago deliberately cut himself off from other families and has an extremely contentious relationship with other branches of the mafia) not the Brotherhood, and Tuesday isnt connected to them. 

theyre still the same characters in both versions like i very specifically wanted to capture their exact personalities and try to recreate reasons for them to be the same and try to recapture events of the story. the story opens with Tuesday arriving in El Reino and ends with him leaving, kind of a mirror to how the courier in the start of New Vegas is seemingly a new arrival there and then ultimately ‘vanishes’ at the end of the story; Tuesday returned to the Mojave after spending time away and then left at the end when the pressure of taking care of the new New Vegas got to be too much. in El Reino, he arrives back after spending time away and eventually leaves again because of his fear of commitment to a cause, and because of the seemingly insurmountable number of issues in El Reino ruining his love for his hometown. 

i think the character whos largely changed the most is Atticus but ive talked enough for an incredibly self-serving post

[peachesannndgravy]

I used to think as youa do about F, like if Louis acted more like I think he would I'd beleive it but weirdly Louis attitude to Z has made me rethink my whole understanding of his character. Esp now we can hear him live. I think his whole reaction to Z leaving right up to now (JB comments) shows a smallness of character. Nowhere had L been as generous to Z as Z was at Asian awards, on Jays death. Nowhere has he come to his defense like that time Z backed him up agst Grimmy. Nothing Z said pt1

Pt2 was anywhere near as passive aggressive to the other boys/their former bond as L refering to him as a ‘work colleague’. Even know when theyve supposedly made up. L has managed to throw shade each time. 'Z puts his foot in it’ Like u dont Louis? The twitter feud was embarrassing on many levels and L doesnt seem to have grown at all since.

Pt3 His comments about JB were so arrogant (L has never carried a tour solo and was literally checked out for most of WWA) but the continued lack of understanding and wanting to point fingers at Z to make himself look better for caring sooso much for the fans was really revealing to me. I dont think H is the only one with an extremely precious ego. Reevaluating @Louis esp makes me thinks his reaction to F isnt some red flag. He’s just not that big a person as Larries make out.

Good morning anon.

So, this is quite the load but let me reply, yeah?

I’m completely biased about Zayn, let me just state that. Zayn is my favorite && I do think he’s too good for any of us. Ok, now that I’ve stated that, let’s move forward. Louis to me is a really interesting character. Disclaimer: MY OPINION. Ok, he’s the eldest && surrounded by girls. His mother went through two marriages. If I’m going by general assumptions, he’s hardly the center of attention in a household where there’s constant motion; hence, my belief of why even his speech is so fast && he’s just a bubble of energy. It made sense **putting my Larry goggles** that he was always craving the attention in fetus 1D && with fetus H. I remember the “do me a favour?” && I’m like jfc dude, relax. 

Zayn comes from a home where the family is really centered because it’s part of his religious upbringing. Despite all the bullshit people assume about Islam, it’s really a religion that preaches about family, love && your relationship with God. The book is interpreted differently by a certain extreme group, but, times change && I think with Zayn’s family─from what I can surmise─are grounded &&  really humble folk. 

I think it makes sense that Louis && Zayn latched on to one another as the eldest of their own respective clans. They had more to talk about && bond over; however, they’re really different people with different backgrounds that in today’s world makes all the difference. I don’t know what the problem was between Zouis but Louis was really hurt && it’s quite obvious. At times, Louis sounded like a bitter, petty kid while Z just kept his mouth shut in the public eye. Granted, this was after their twitter spat. Louis has had confidence issues && you’re right, in the public eye, Zayn has been very vocal && ready to throw it down for Louis. Note that I’m not ignoring that Z has confidence issues too. However, I will not discredit what Louis has said in Z’s defense. I just reblogged a post where there’s a gif about Louis talking about Z. 

In my bias about Z, I do think he’s certainly demonstrated to be the bigger person. He doesn’t partake (except for the twitter spat) in hearsay, he just keeps to himself. I think that after his departure, Z has shown && enormous amount of growth as an individual, which is why I hate when Harries come up with proof from like fetus days to slander Z’s character. In Louis defense, he’s quite private about his mom’s passing. I know Z sent out that tweet but Louis didn’t respond to anyone, so, I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. 

Regarding your comment about Louis still saying that Z “puts his foot in it”, I don’t think Louis is over their fallout && probably never will be. I still think that Louis, Harry && Liam have made comments about Z that are really tone-deaf. I don’t think they’ll ever understand why Z felt differently about 1D. Just like I will never understand the struggle of a Black woman, despite the fact that I’m brown. There are some things people will never understand && Louis may just be part of that demographic. I don’t think Louis has ill-feelings toward Z as he did initially but, I also don’t think they’re bff’s anymore. Who knows what happened. 

Ok, the JB comments…. well, I said the same thing to my friend about JB canceling his tour. I mentioned how unprofessional that made him look && business is business. However, I do believe that my opinion was completely excessive so, I then commented about how I really didn’t know wtf was up with the guy && maybe he had his reasons && that what I said was rather terrible of me. Could Louis have maybe done the same? I don’t know but, the comment did sound arrogant, just like mine did. I’m not giving him the benefit of the doubt but, I had the same initial response; however, after giving it much thought I retracted my wording && didn’t minimize the mental health of JB. 

I will say this, I’m quite biased about Louis && H. H is a piece of shit in my book && I’m quite bitter about him because I really thought he was a nice individual. My view of him is not contingent upon his relationship or lack thereof w/ Louis. So, before I get Harries screaming at me “you’re just pressed because Larrie is fake”, believe me, I don’t give a single fuck if it’s real or not. I honestly liked H as a person, then, the album happened && he died for me. I don’t think H && Louis are the same though. Sure, they’ve been problematic but one thing I look at when viewing these “images” they’re selling is consistency. While Louis made that slip-up about JB, I think he’s been rather smart about how he’s presented himself─including Freddie && Eleanor (this is all after hiatus). I do think the Tomlinsons are a problematic mess, similar to the Kartrashian/Jenner clan. However, Louis so far hasn’t pissed me off to the point of jumping ship. H on the other hand, there’s nothing he could do for me to ever trust him─especially after his eating disorder comments about Z, fucking prick.

I also had a spat with Limas?Liams? Payners? about what Liam said about Z && not understanding why Z felt the way he felt about 1D && then, going on about how he was so grateful. That piece was just tasteless. So, yeah, as you can tell I’m really biased about Z, I fkn looooove that boy && I’d probably be the type to love him even if he were a mess, but that’s just me. Nevertheless, I wouldn’t excuse his bullshit, I’d just love him through it, regardless.

God, this was a long reply …oops? Anyhow, I agree with a portion of your points but I don’t think Louis is an asshole. I think that Zouis is irrevocably done because I feel that Z was truly his best friend && L is very proud, whilst Zayn is not. I think that when L && H were going through whatever the fuck was going on during 1D (closet or no closet, Larry or no Larry), Z was an important figure to L && maybe L felt abandoned && is still hurt by that fact. && if my theory is correct or along the lines of what happened, it explains why even today Zouis is more of a “we’re civil” thing instead of “we’re bff’s again”. In my Z-squad eyes, none of them deserved Z, none of them, but, I don’t know anything. What I do know is that Z2 is going to be lit.

[needhelpforrealnow-blog]

Here is her story

Okay i need someones help. I have a friend that ive known for almost 10 years she's like my sister. My Dad knew her father and grandmother for years. she, Her father and grandmother live just down the street from me and my family. She would often be at my house practically living there. She even had a bed in my home to sleep in and she even goes as far as calling my mom her mother. The father was the one with custody and he stuggled to provide but what he did have would often go to beer and drugs. she didnt like her father cause to put it bluntly he was an ass. She's told me stories of when her father had choke her almost to the point of blacking out and how when he would try to hit her, the grandmother would step in with a frying pan and said "if you dont stop this right now, and leave her alone then i will use this" he would step forward and she would hit him with no hesitation. The mother wasnt in the picture because she was an alcoholic and a drug addict as well. The father would let the mother spend time with her. Obiously she didnt act terrible because the mother was only going to spend so much time with her daughter. She would buy her stuff she wanted, take her places she wanted to go[that were often funded by one of her many boyfriends] my friend never met the moster she was. She didnt get the off feeling my mom and i would get but didnt know her enough to put our finger on what it was. But the grandmother knew how she really was and didnt allow halie to enter her custody while she was kicking. the grandmother was her saving grace and mother figure. She would cook for her, clean her room and buy anything she needed...but she passed away over a year ago from a heart attack...thats when hell broke loose the demon labled as a mother decided to take custody. Just a few months after the grandmother's death. The mother took the opose his daughter right after he lost his mother but when the judge asked who she wanted to go with. My friend was depressed and only knew her father as an ass and so chose her mother. This is one of her biggest regrets. She absolutely hates her mother. The mother is verbally abusive and is a danger to the public because she often drives drunk with he kids in the car. She's a great actor though so you can never tell the difference between her being drunk and her sober but guess what she recently has refused to feed my friend only ever buying food for her 2 year old son that my friend constantly has to be watching. the mother claiming "i dont feed people who dont love me" the mother forced my friend to break up with her boyfriend because while in an argument the boyfriend texted. She's called her a shit head an idiot. Even going as far as calling her a whore when she found out my brother was providing her food at school because the mother refused to feed her at home. [no strings attached. my brother has a child of his own and has known halie just as long as i have which is close to a decade] Even going as far as threatening to call the cops on my brother and her ex boyfriend. The boyfriend is a year and a half older than her but she threatens to the cops on him because he will turning 18 in june. [its feb 7 at the time this is writen]I have gone to her house too. This was when she was still going to school with me. it was around 10:30 but we went over so we can get some of her clothes that she refused to bring over earlier. When we got there we called to let her know we were outside and when we entered her brother was crying on the bed while the mother was screaming her head off " you woke up the fucking kids! Why the fuck are you coming at fucking 11 at night! What the fuck is wrong with you! You fucking woke him up!" all while picking up some of her sons toys and throwing them aggressively in a corner while my ftiend was trying to let her know that i was there as well. We came and left pretty quickly with the mother still cussing the whole time and the last thing we hear is "you better fucking get your ass back her by tomorrow!" her brother still crying the whole time. Now my friend loves her brother with all her heart. I would imagine so she watches him the majority of the time. Some People where she lives believe that he is her kid. One man saying "i have a boy around the same age as your son" that is how often she watches him almost every single day.  To the point where her son would rather be carried by her than his own mother. Here's another story but this one invovles her son on second thought i share two She was outside with a buddy of hers drinking while her at the time 1 yearold son was inside sick with a fever. My friend wasnt home at the time cause she was at my house Spending the night. She gets a call that her little brother had gotten a seizure because of how high his temperature was! Apparently she didmt know you were suppose to give the medicine every so many hours and pretty much left him and she knew he was haveing a seizure because her buddy saw him through the window! He's fine now so dont worry infact he use to walk on his tippy toes before his seizure and now walks normally! Heres another story with this boy. One time when my friend was taking a shower her mother was passed out on the couch with the sliding door slightly opened. And her 1 year old playing on the floor. He went to the door pushed it even more open and was wondering outside in the rain heading towards the street. My friend had gotten out of the shower not to long after and couldn't find her brother she noticed the door open and look outside to see him heading towards the street with a couple of neighbors try to get him to come to them and away from the street. Sadly but unsurprisingly he doesnt like other people very much often sticking towards his mother but mostly towards my friend. When she saw him she called out to him and he finally came back to their house.And hell as a short bonus: the mother has even driven with her youngest child in the front seat of the car!Now this story is one that happened very recently like feb 5 recently. And to let you know as to why my friend doesnt call the police herself its because My friends phone is not connected so the only way she can talk anyone is through wifi And a app called kik or messager on facebook. Now the app only allows texting and her mother refuses to connect her phone. So even if she wanted to she would beable to call for help and so on sundayI was at home asleep when i felt my phone buzzing like crazy! I look at my phone and i was horrified at what i had been reading. My friend had texted me saying for me to call her dad or to call the cops because her mother threaten to beat her and grabbed her roughly and locked her outside the house and that she had been drinking she was scared to try and call someone else because she would grab her again. Now my friend doesnt like cops and neither do i but to read from her asking for them it made my heart drop to my stomach and i immidietly jumped out of bed and called guyfriend [who had been getting close with halie as well] that i needed a ride right than and there to her house. he lived near by so it was only 2 mins for him to get to my house. I jumped in the car and texting her that i was on the way with our friend. As we were going i called her father and told him what his daughter had texted me. He claimed that his car wasnt working like it always isnt and that he had a friend over but he didnt have gas and when he hung up my friend had texted me saying for me to tell her dad not to believe her mother. The father called back i told my guyfriend to circle around to his house since we hadent left the street yet and when i picked the phone up he said for me NOT to pick her up. My guyfriend had just parked in front of his house. i was confused, he told me that she was just angry over an argument over a boy and to not pick her up. I was furious at what i was hearing and told him that she was obviously distress and that her mother threaten to beat her and he then yelled at me telling me that he heard her 'in the house' and that he's not going to stress over it. I motion for my friend to leave And then he practically shouted in my phone "DONT PICK HER UP!" I wasnt going to argue anymore and all i saw was red. And that last remark so i hung up. I called my mom to let her know i was had to go only to be told she wasnt home to begin with. I told her the situation and my mom calmly told me that she was going to head home and speak with the father befor hanging up. And told mu friend to head to her house. I kept in contact with my friend to make sure she was alright. And the text from that point on went like this:Tell my dad [1:41 pm] Not to listen to her About me and marco She's drunk She wants to make him hate me and him Are you coming or not i couldnt here what my dad said He told me not to pick you up Why not I cant stay here Please convince him Ill walk over there then. Im picking you up. Im not going to try and Convince him Of shit. Is he mad i cant use the fucking phone anne I know and im coming I cant fucking call him cause she's going to get me againYour coming where? To your house I called my mom she sounded calm but said she was going to his house in a bit Are you okay? No im not okay Where r u ? At my moms She left I need to take care of my brother. I know that She left him here Fuck It's whatever My dad doesn't want me over there So it doesn't matter anyways Well we do halie You can't pick me up I can't stay over there I don't even have any clothes I don't know what I'm going to do We're still coming She came back ): Idk if she'll let me What is she doing You want me to call the cops cause i can Just come and if she doesn't let me we'll call the cops We are here [ 2:05 pm]When we got there i was so nervous and angry i couldnt even think straight. And told my friend to start it off i handed him my phone so he can do a voiceHe nocked on the door and mand when she said hello my friend tried to get out out of the house and the mother said"what are you doing? What are you doing?!" "Ima leave"  "your not leaving anywhere get your ass inside. She aint going nowhere. get inside" "my dad said i could leave""YOUR DAD did not send nobody get inside NOW! Get inside now before I FUCKING CALL THE COPS and your ass is going to fucking juvenile" "why?" " YOUR DAD did not call them" "yes he did" "YOUR DAD JUST CALLED me right now. Get your ass inside your dad did not call them your dad said he didnt even have a fucking car to take your ass to school" "you said i cant! I can go." "BECAUSE I HAVE EVRY FUCKING ATHORITY OVER YOU....EVERY AUTHORITY OVER YOU.YOU HAVE NO REASON TO EVEN BE WITH YOUR FATHER BECAUSE HE'S NOT EVEN CAPABLE OF TAKING CARE OF YOU! HE HAS NO FOOD HE'S A DRUG ADDICT AND HE DRINKS! AND YOU WANNA FUCKING LEAVE" "yea" " YEA, I dont care what you want" "okay" "i dont care" durning that argument she called her father "SO YOU SENT ANNE AND another friend of hers to come and pick her up?.....FOR what! Why didnt you tell me that. Why did you tell me that she was going to stay here. So whose going to take her to school? IF YOU dont have a car than whose going to take her to school.......exactly, exactly" "anne can take me" "NO! She is not your responsibility" "she can take me!" "i dont care" "of course you dont" "your staying here. I dont care, your staying here"" no im not" "yes you are""no im not""yes you are...bye chuck" "no im not" "your staying here" "why""because i said so" "why""because I said so because you are not the adult i am and next time you listen to me" "THEN NEXT TIME DONT LOCK ME OUT""WHEN THE FUCK DID I LOCK YOU OUT, YOU LIEING LITTLE SHIT HEAD. MY SON WAS OUT THERE WITH YOU! DID I LOCK YOU OUT" "yEs!" "I JUST STOOD RIGHT THERE INFRONT OF THAT DOOR""not really""cause i asked you to take care of him""YOU LOCKED ME OUT"" OH BUT YOUR WILLING TO GO A MEET FUCKING OTHER RANDOM GUYS LIKE A LITTLE WHORE""i knew you veiwed me as a whore" "GET THE FUCK INSIDE you guys got to gWe waited outside and two cop cares showed up one came to us he was around is early 20's and the other was older mabey 40's but i didnt get a good look cause he just waked pass us to the door. We told the cop how we were worried for our friend and i showed him the text on my phone and told him i had a recording. He told us to wait there and went inside as well when he came back out and told us that my friend and her mother just got in a argument over a boy and said that even though it was in good intentions i should stop the door again. I asked so what was going to happen and he said nothing that tshe's not drunk she's doesnt show signs of abuse so there's nothing to be done and that we're only getting my friends side of the story not the mothers. It was at that point i started to cry. I had failed my friend and quit honestly. Just wanted to scream i looked and my friend to see what we can do and noticed him crying as well. I tried to stop myself from crying thank the officer. He ask which car was ours and when we told him, he took down the rest of our information and wish us a safe trip and went on our way. I have never felt so mentally and emotionlly exhausted. I quit hoestly felt like screaming and crahing the car. The cops took the mothers side they didnt even bother testing her and we didnt even talk to the other cop but the cop talking to us talked to both the mother and us and if was obvious which side they took. I told my friend to take me home and when i got there i just started bawling i wanted that lady gone. I wanted the grandmother back. I just wanted it to be over. I hated i couldnt help my friend when she needed me the most. I texted my friend and she told me that she was sorry and that the mother is lying to the cop and that she was going to literally kill herself ...i told her not to and while i dont believe she would im slowly doubting that belief. This is the guy friend- I made this account cause if you read it all than you can see why we need help. We are backed against a corner and we need help, so if any of you can give us the help than please

[stinkrascal]

Ok so I was thinking about your sims again 👉🏾👈🏾 and um ok so ik you said tarek's love language is romantic acts of service, but what about the others? Also like what would be their ideal first date? And how would they react to other people flirting with their partner? Like ik vlad would commit a murder, but what about brie 👀 ?

i actually listed all their love languages here!! but ideal dates?? jealousy??? OMG!! im gonna ramble so hard!! so i’ll put all this under a cut :’)))

vlad - a) vlad’s ideal date would be like... an idyllic picnic in a field, listening to soft music, chillin in the sun n eatin fruit n drinkin wine :-) all that sappy shit!! b) u know vlad. he will unalive u if u disrespect his wife. the truest simp. but anyways yes he is a very jealous person, sometimes it’s a little excessive and brie has to yell at him, to which he eventually realizes that he’s being unreasonable and he’ll step back. he really doesn’t try to be that way, sometimes he honestly just can’t help it. since he was alone for centuries, he’s extremely over protective of his family and can find pretty much any reason to dislike any man who so much as glances in breanna’s direction. his jealousy never stems from fear that breanna will cheat on him, but more so from his belief that pretty much every man on the planet is trying to bed his wife LMAO lowkey breanna loves the attention :’))

breanna - a) honestly, she’s very easy to please. just get takeout n get in bed n smoke a bowl n watch movies with her n she will be happy! ;w; b) brie is surprisingly not that jealous, like if someone finds vlad attractive shes like... well of course? look at him? Lmaoooo. unless someone poses a significant threat to their relationship, she doesnt see a reason to get worked up. like she knows how hard vlad simps u know, this man canonically KILLED her ex-boyfriend to be with her so like? she doesnt feel any reason to get upset if someone finds vlad attractive, bc she knows at the end of the day her husband is crazy obsessed w her and her alone so like <3

lucien - a) winery art galleries!! u know like where you go to art exhibits that have wine tastings!!!! sometimes they have those cute delicious tiny little cheeses that r just so good n fancy!!! going to that, then maybe takin a stroll around the park in the evening, then ending the night w a home-cooked meal. b) hes a touch possessive, but its all in good faith :’) if someone flirts with his WIFE he only feels it necessary that he puts them in their place and lets them know that she is, in fact, MARRIED!! like vlad, a true simp

gen - a) skatepark at night, long past closing time. its oddly serene, despite the faint threat of being caught. gen personally finds the parks lingering smell of cigarettes and weed very comforting. b) they r passive-aggressively jealous. they say theyre not a jealous type, but if the girl theyre talkin to is talkin to someone else, theyre like... ok. 😒😒😒

carlile - a) chiefin big rips then going to eat at a buffet....... he will eat so many frog legs like so fucking many!! then goin to see a movie in one of those big movie theaters and seein like a marvel movie or whatever. just somethin trite and theatrical with many, many explosions. b) not aggressively jealous, but his insecurities can sometimes get the best of him in arguments and sometimes he projects his fears that tarek will leave him for someone else, which isnt good u know but like :(( what can u do

nikolai - a) waking up with the sun and traveling to the largest museum he can find, followed by brunch at some hole-in-the-wall café tucked away in the city. the long drive home is spent listening to low-quality psychedelic indie rock, and when he and abigail arrive home, they nap for at least three hours. b) nikolai’s not really a jealous type, and abigail’s pretty clingy, so he doesn’t really have a reason to be jealous. although, when he's severely provoked, he’s prone to that tone of voice where it sounds as though you can’t choose between screaming, or crying.

klaus - a) perusing the local record shop, buying as many used vinyl he can possibly fit in his book sack, and listening to the new purchases in the dim-lit light of his bedroom while talking and napping in between. if he’s really into you, he’ll sing your favorite song—he might even play it on the guitar, too, if he can remember the chords. b) again, not much of a jealous type. most of his relationships have been nothing more than flings anyways, so he doesn’t often have the attachment to someone that would make him jealous, seeing as his relationships are often not exclusive.

anastasia - a) a long, early-morning walk through the aquarium, taking an extra long break to observe the sea turtles swimming about their tanks. she’ll gladly share all of her expansive sea turtle facts with you, if you promise to buy her a stuffed animal from the gift shop. afterwards, strolling downtown to shop in all the antique stores, then ending the date with lunch at her favorite restaurant. pls just let her talk your ear off and she’ll be satisfied. b) annie’s actually REALLY possessive, especially over her friends. she’s the type of person who will get offended if anyone else tries to say vaughn and caspian are their best friends, because, no? those are HER best friends? she’s never had a boyfriend before, but she can imagine she’d be just as possessive, if not more possessive, over someone she loved romantically. she takes from vlad :’)

ilya - a) he is literally like 1 yr old. he doesnt go on dates silly. when hes old enough to go on dates his dream date will be committing arson together <3 so romantic b) im sure he’ll be jealous af when hes older unless i forget u know we’ll see whenever he ages up yeah!!!!!!

bonnie - a) moving all the furniture in the living room, turning the radio up extra loud, and dancing to old-timey music!! then cooking a nice, healthy meal at home and watching reality tv while doing face masks. maybe ending the night w a nice bath fit for two <3 b) especially with her pregnancy, she’s been VERY jealous lately!! small things can trigger her jealousy, and sometimes she finds it difficult to be her usual, rational self when those feelings arise. luckily, it’s very easy to talk her out of this state, so she gets over these fits of jealous relatively quickly ;-;

 tarek - a) driving out into the forest, setting up tents in the middle of nowhere, and snuggling tight beside the crackling fire while watching the night settle. then waking early the next morning to go for a small hike towards the natural lakes scattered about. if carlile is too tired to walk, tarek simply carries him. :’)) b) level-headed as he is, jealousy doesn’t come to him often. it would take a lot to provoke him, and his relationship with carlile is so secure that he doesn’t really feel there’s a need to be jealous

abigail - a) midday trips to the mall with nikolai’s credit card in hand as he shamelessly lets her pick out anything she wants from any store she can possibly enter. she’s always sure to pick out a few outfits she’s certain he’ll love :’)). then going to get smoothies, yes nikolai’s paying for the smoothies too <3 b) abigail is extremely jealous, though she’s desperately trying to ease this habit. especially with nikolai moved to britechester, living with a female roommate, her jealousy often gets the best of her, and believe me when i say it isn’t pretty. she’s prone to dramatic outbursts, and she’ll even feel the urge to enact revenge (aka, cheat on you) if she feels you’ve truly cheated on her. she has to see and speak to nikolai often to have peace of mind, but even then, she often has her moments of insecurity. :((

caspian - a) watching some indie art film at a drive-in movie theater, binging on over-buttered popcorn and gas station hot dogs. if the weather allows for it, then he’ll lay a blanket out on the bed of his truck and lie back with his date, gazing at the stars, rambling about nothing. b) he’s a jealous type, but he doesn’t like admitting it. the truth is, though, it kills him to see someone he cares about with someone else. its just that he doesnt know how to express those feelings, so he often just shoves them away as if they dont exist at all. ;n;

vaughn - a) listen to him perform at one of his concerts, then let him fuck you in one of the bathroom stalls. a true romantic, i know. b) most of vaughn’s relationships are no-strings-attached anyways, so its rare for him to get jealous over a relationship thats already open to begin with. even when he did have partners in the past, he was never the type to be overly protective of his significant other

cooper - a) ok idc about cooper HAHA so like idk nobody is taking this man on a date anyways who cares. idk smoke a bowl with him in his car then go eat at a fancy restaurant that sounds like a very cooper bauer date to have yeah ok we’ll go with that b) he gets jealous but like in a baby way u know. if he thinks you’re into someone that isn’t him he’ll just bawl his eyes out and be like WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE!!!!!!!!! IS IT BECAUSE IM ONLY 5′6″!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes cooper it is because youre only 5′6″ im sorry short king

wolfgang - a) going around his neighborhood late at night and poking holes in all the tires parked in the streets. yes, that’s super illegal. no, he doesn’t care. yes, this is considered a date for wolfgang. keep up. afterwards, maybe he’ll sneak you up to his bedroom so you guys can watch rick and morty... cuddle. b) i feel like im gonna spoil something if i answer this fully. so. lets just say. Yes he is very jealous :)