#hes just really... aggressive towards anyone who isnt family and he doesnt know how to socialize

[slavicgirlfriend]

honestly..... im not surprised so many people are afraid of ralph idk whats wrong with him but i think we gotta take him to a behaviorist or something

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Don Dawson

(Not my gif)(requested by anonymous)

- Don and you first meet when you’re walking through the halls during class time to go deliver something for your teacher. He was ditching class with a friend when the two of you “bumped into each other” and by that I mean you passed them while they leaned against a group of lockers.

- He does a doubletake when you walk past him for the first time. He isn’t shy about his leering either, he full on turns toward you and stares. After he’s gotten a good look, he turns toward his friend, waggles his eyebrows, and tails it after you.

- It kind of spooks you a little when he comes up beside you with an enthusiastic “how ya doin!” but you smile awkwardly and greet him back. He tries to chat you up while you walk back to class; he’s kind of cute so you don’t exactly mind.

- You pause outside of your class to talk a little more but your teacher cuts your conversation short with a teasing comment to you and a cocked brow to Don. He in response starts to flirt with your teacher, earning himself a smile and giggle from you. He winks at you one last time before he disappears back into the hallway and your teacher closes the door.

- He catches you when you’re walking to your car after school and propositions you in his usual fashion. You say “yeah, no thanks” and get in your car, leaving him in the dust. It was at that moment, watching your car disappear down the road, that he decides he has to have you.

- You thought the ordeal was kind of funny so you aren’t too bothered when he approaches you while you’re out with some friends. The two of you just so happened to go to the same place with your individual friend groups. He doesnt proposition you this time, thankfully.

- Now Don, at first, just thought you were hot and was trying to shoot his shot and to weasel his way into your pants. But as he’s talking to you he realizes that he really likes you, like you’re fun to talk to and you’re really interesting. He starts to feel this connection with you that he’s never really had with anyone else.

- Even though he doesn’t want to “admit it” he forms a little crush on you. He starts to talk to and hang out with you more; making it kind of obvious that he likes you with his flirting and innuendos. And you like it, him and the attention, so when he says “Hey why don’t we go grab a bite to eat sometime.” You tell him to “name a date and you’ll be there.”

- It takes him only a few seconds to respond.

- For your first date he gets a few beers and sodas and takes you out to a field where you sit in the bed of his truck and stargaze. He goes to kiss you once or twice but you don’t let him, you know how he is with girls and want to test him a little before you give in. Either way everything goes well and you agree to go out with him again.

- Although he accepts your refusal he probably still complains to the guys that you aren’t letting him “do anything”. But your refusal is more entertaining rather than anything else, he likes you as more than a lay so it doesn’t bother too much. He’s more determined and excited than annoyed.

- For your third date you’d gone to a concert together and the two of you had your first kiss as the band played. Definitely a very memorable experience and one you’re glad to remember. After your first kiss he knew for sure that you were the one.

- For the most part you have a very playful relationship.

- A lot of nicknames although most of the time he’s joking when he uses them. Like he’ll say a bunch of them in a row to get your attention or when he’s smothering you in affection.

- A few genuine ones still slip out sometimes.

- He kind of just lets you do whatever you want to him. Put his hair in pigtails, put make up on him, do his nails, crawl all over him, climb him like a monkey, anything you want as long as the evidence can be erased or go unnoticed.

-  He loves affection and touching you and all that but he isn’t all that into pda. He likes the joking, quick funny stuff but keeps most of what he does behind closed doors unless you’re hanging around some of his good friends who also have their girlfriends there.

- He likes to lay his head in your lap and have you play with his hair.

- Lots of hugs.

- Piggyback rides.

- Double dates with Simone and Pink.

- Matching overalls.

- You’ve probably put flowers in the pocket of his overalls and he secretly finds it so precious. You’ve definitely snuck little notes in them without him knowing and when he finds them he can’t help but smile.

- Smacking his arm and giving him looks to get him to behave, you try your best to keep him out of trouble even though he makes it pretty difficult.

- He watches you a lot, especially whenever you walk away...he likes the view.

- He’s usually pretty animated and goofy, its kind of just how he is so you get to observe all of his adorable and funny quirks.

- You’re nearly always smiling or laughing when you’re with him.

- Playful flirting.

- Him trying to jokingly yet not so jokingly proposition you.

- Lewd jokes, he laughs hysterically whenever you grimace at them.

- Going to his football games and cheering him on.

- Meeting him after football practice and kissing behind the bleachers.

- Hanging out in the back of pickup trucks.

- Dawson’s kinda cool with everyone so he has a lot of friends around the school and subsequently everyones pretty friendly to you. All your friends probably like him. 

- Going to parties with him and getting invited to others just for being his girlfriend.

- He always has a beer ready for you or shares his own with you, if you’re into that sort of thing.

- Going on little adventures with him.

- Hes pretty much down to do whatever you have in mind.

- Concert dates.

- He’ll play tackle/pounce on you and start kissing all over your neck and face; he’s pretty fond of that move.

- Secret handshakes.

- He’s a good listener, he likes hearing about what’s new in your life and things that you’ve done recently.

- He hates seeing you upset; he’s not very good at comforting you but he tries to get you to forget about whatever’s bugging you.

- Play wrestling.

- If you mention wanting something he’d 100% go out and grab it for you.

- He’s got major big brother vibes, do with that what you will.

- He gets involved in a lot of crazy shit so be prepared for some killer stories. He thinks its cute when you look worried for him.

- Constant compliments.

“Looking good.”

- Making fun of each other.

- Play arguing and punching.

- Tricking you into doing something suggestive; mostly when you’re alone, he doesnt want to completely embarrass you...or give his friends a free show.

- He admits he’s an asshole so be prepared. Although to be fair a lot of his asshole behavior is just a front. He’s actually really sweet once you get to know him, especially when you’re his girl/he likes you.

- He does think its kind of funny when you get mad at him...well it depends on how mad you get and how mad you stay. If you grumpily trudge off, rolling your eyes at him in front of his friends then he’ll probably laugh and joke with them.

- A lot of “oh come on babe it was just a joke!”

- It isn’t until you really stay mad that he no longer finds it as funny. He doesn’t like fighting with you but you always inevitably do. In a fight you’ll argue for a while before he tries to just end it as painlessly as possible. At that point he isnt even really sorry nor does he think you’ve settled things, he just doesnt want to fight anymore.

“Okay, okay,okay, alright, so-”.

- Sometimes his attempts to calm things really just backfire for him, like if you feel like he isn’t really listening and just trying to brush you off. It really depends on what you’d fight with him about.

- When you’re holding a grudge he’ll make jokes and bets with his friends, condescendingly saying how you “think you’re mad at him”. He says it himself: he’s an asshole. Although in these moments a lot of his asshole behavior is just him being spiteful because he’s hurt that you won’t talk to him.

- He does know how to apologize when he’s done something wrong or upset you. Like I said he’s usually really sweet even if he doesn’t act like it sometimes. It’s the reason you can come to forgive him especially during the “trial” part of your relationship (up next).

- He flirts too much, thats always been his problem, that and he’s sort of a hypocrite about it; he thinks he can flirt with other girls but you arent allowed to flirt with other guys. He doesn’t understand the injustice but after your first really big fight and subsequent breakup; most likely where he sees you go out with another guy, he finally learns his lesson.

- He’s a pretty coolheaded guy but he definitely doesn’t like people flirting with or having a thing for you even if he’s a playboy and would usually partake in the locker room talk with them. When you came along he was kind of like “Well I’ve finally settled down and I like this one a lot so back off.”.

- He gets a lot of girls coming after him so you’ll probably get a little jealous every now and again. He tries to assure you as best as he can that he isn’t interested in them.

- He’s a football player so there’s at least a little pent up aggression in him. He’s ready to bust a lip to get a guy off your back or stop him from trying to get with you.

- He wants that nuclear family type of future, with a nice house, picket fence, and son to play catch with in the yard. He never thought he’d imagine a future with a girl before but here he is, and he... kinda likes it.

- He’s definitely dropped a “Mrs. Dawson” on you after you teasingly called him Mr. Dawson. You’d just been trying to mess with him but then he had to go and make you all flustered and giddy.

- Dawson will probably go to college on a football scholarship. Before you came along he was planning on screwing a lot of chicks but now thinks “I’d be pissed if she screwed a guy while I was gone” and stops the temptation where it starts. He comes a long way during your relationship.

- I can see him proposing to you after he gets out of college and settles down with a nice job. He’d make a personal kind of special occasion out of the proposal, something that involves a sentimental part of your relationship.

[mieczyhale]

i mean klaus got choked by Luther and thrown and just all round disrespected, BUT he was awful to Luther (who has little to NO social skills) after finding him with the girl. I think what people most zero on this scene is Klaus saying he doesn’t remember his first time bc he was high/drunk, while ignoring Luther who also doesn’t/barely remembers HIS first time bc he was high/drunk. I actually really LOVE this scene in terms of character development (1/2)

this scene and the ‘I want to be u’ scene too, bc it shows how awful their relationship is and how reginald trained them to compete with each other and put each other down, to ‘win’ so to speak, and how the way they were treated and how they treated each other manifests in this bitterness and mockery. specially Klaus who must feel angry no one takes his struggles seriously. bc in healthy siblings dynamics they don’t treat each other that way. but..... yeah it’s awful and sad 😔 (2/2) i’d like to thank you, anon, for sending asks on this topic that have some good points and aren’t dickish. it is greatly appreciated and you are an angel <3 i’m going to try and respond and explain my feelings on this the best i can but.. no promises on quality lmfao it’s almost 3AM and i’m three (3) drinks in so IMMA DO MY BEST

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  [[just a heads up also that i am NOT re-reading this before posting. i do not have the energy for that so it’s just gonna be what it’s gonna be]] Luther (who has little to NO social skills) - I think what people most zero on this scene is Klaus saying he doesn’t remember his first time bc he was high/drunk, while ignoring Luther who also doesn’t/barely remembers HIS first time bc he was high/drunk. the thing is, and this seems to depend entirely on the perspective and personal experiences of the person watching, klaus wasn’t awful to luther. he wasn’t mocking. he was doing what siblings do - they tease. as for ignoring luther who doesn’t really remember his first time for the same reasons klaus doesn’t remember his: i dont think it was ignoring so much as it was klaus wouldn’t consider it a big deal - it wouldn’t occur to him to think of it that way - because it wasn’t for him. and even when you know that your sibling doesn’t have much for social skills, it’s probably not something that’s going to stay at the forefront of your mind and direct every interaction you have with them - especially in regards to a sibling you haven’t seen in 13 years - so it would make sense for klaus to not interact with luther in more of a way people would find acceptable. perfect sibling interactions dont happen i mean klaus got choked by Luther and thrown and just all round disrespected, BUT there is no but there - some teasing (or mocking, depending on how you see it) is nowhere near the same thing as choking someone, throwing them across a room, AND consistently being genuinely rude and disrespectful. i’m not saying klaus can’t be mean or a jackass - he absolutely can - but to say he was awful or horrible to luther ESPECIALLY post!rave is bananas.  klaus tried to cheer luther up, offered to try summoning reginald even though that’s the last thing he’s ever want to do, tried to stop luther from drinking more, tried to convince luther that drugs and alcohol weren’t the way to go, tried to stop luther from venturing out on his own, went after him when he didn’t listen - and yeah, he wanted to stop part way in because of withdrawals, but he didn’t. and it’s not just because ben tried to guilt him - ben does not control the klaus. if klaus didn’t want to keep looking for luther he wouldn’t have. so he finds him. he goes into the worst possible place for someone who is trying to get sober because his inexperienced brother is there, he tries to get luther to leave with him and while he’s struggling so horribly the whole time - because of the immediate access to drugs and the ptsd episode - he tried to protect luther and gets killed for it.  and then never brings any of this up to luther after the dude is sober. he could have - he could have been petty and cruel about it, because if luther knew i dont doubt he would feel horrible and it would weigh on him so much, both as a brother and as the leader, but klaus never did. and maybe that was because he didnt think anyone would believe him but i think part of it was not wanting to hurt luther because he knows what drugs and alcohol do to a person - he knows very fucking well - he knows the lack of control and awareness and he isnt going to hold it against luther the way we all know everyone holds everything against klaus - the things he did while mentally on another planet. AT MOST klaus teases him when he goes to wake luther up for a family meeting - in a manner that comes off silly but not - imo - cruel. simply ridiculous, as klaus often is. but he pours luther a cup of coffee and they talk about his conversation with their dad and that’s that their only other interactions after that are when klaus, diego, and five go to the bar to get luther - and that isnt even an interaction because they dont talk. and then in the car on the way to leonard’s cabin.. where they dont talk. and then at the cabin klaus has his hand on luther’s shoulder, providing a small act of comfort while also devastated because literally everyone knows luther and allison. they’re in the infirmary when allison needs blood but again - they dont talk. and then in the scene where vanya is bringing down the academy - brief, and they dont talk. and then it’s the bowling alley - where klaus tries to be honest with everyone, expresses a quiet offer of help that nobody takes seriously, and then okay yes - he snaps back at luther when luther is a dick to him. but its nothing actually cruel and he immediately tries to backtrack. after that moment the only time they talk is when luther is asking klaus if ben is in agreement on time traveling at the end of episode 10 so where in there was klaus cruel and awful and horrible?? i mean i guess those things can depend, again, on a person’s perspective and experiences - and maybe people have different takes on what those words mean (and the extent they cover) and yknow what?? gotta say - that’s valid. nobody can control how someone else takes in the show - we cant even control how we take it in ourselves. but for me this specific line of takes is absolutely noodles. do i think klaus was flawless? fuck no. i wouldnt love him so much if he was. but i dont think any of his interactions with luther can be considered horrible on his end. i dont see this awful person in those moments that apparently other people do Klaus who must feel angry no one takes his struggles seriously. this though. t h i s t h o u g h. i’m not gonna get super into it because this response is already kind of a lot BUT yes. whether klaus knows it or not, acknowledges it or not, he probably is so angry and hurt that nobody takes his struggles seriously. nobody ever has - i mean ben has followed him around for the last 13 years, has seen some of what he’s been through and has learned about the rest, and he STILL digs into klaus and acts like he doesn’t have a reason to be the way he is. if not even ben can take his trauma seriously, and he - at least pre!death - seemed to be the kindest, then how would anyone else?? they wouldn’t and It Shows. and, of course, that includes luther - who i agree, was in a way separated from the others - not physically but like.. ranking and power wise, by reginald and his constant push of luther being number one and that meaning Everything. and klaus - well we all know what reginald thought of klaus and i dont doubt he filled luther’s head with his opinions which luther would internalize as Facts - because reginald had a hold on luther that he didn’t quite have on any of the others. (i mean he totally had a hold on all of them, they’re all fucked up, but luther stayed there because reginald had him so convinced of the academy’s mission and luther’s importance to him) SO. if klaus WERE to verbally be aggressive with luther or anyone i personally would understand - why should he take other people’s trauma seriously, expend the heart and energy to care and to do what he can to cheer them up, when they can’t even take a moment to listen to him - or see what’s right in front of their eyes. i’d be fucking pissed. tbh i think klaus handles things pretty fucking well from the funeral on considering the Everyfuckingthing.  he’s sassy - yeah. he can be jackass and he has the potential to be cruel - hell yeah. but he expresses more care for each of his siblings in s1 than any of them do for him (except maybe diego) and idk, man, i have seen the first season somewhere beyond 15 times (i stopped counting) and i’ve never taken any of klaus’s words or actions towards luther to be genuinely cruel or horrible. it just doesnt read that way for me and i honestly struggle to see how people CAN see it that way.. so here i am. annoyed. but on my own tumblr bc i have no desire to @, fight, or argue with anyone over opinions but sometimes a little bastard just has to vent yknow?? yknow.

[thescarletsith]

I can only hope that this helps those who felt pain when finding out about the end of Rise of Skywalker. It was never about Kylo Ren getting what he deserved or seeking redemption, it was about ending the pain within Ben Solo. I had to find some sort of positive reasoning behind all of this before witnessing it for myself tonight.

SPOILERS AHEAD.

Any negative reason given for why Ben Solo deserved to die isn't convincing, because Ben didn't do any of those things.

He was born into a family of Legends; expectations were set for him before he could even talk. The truth of his grandfather was hidden from him by his family. Facts of his bloodline would have given him insight as to why he felt the way he did, but they were kept away from him, leaving him to feel completely alone with a growing pain inside of him that he couldnt confide with anyone about. His whole family was painted as a perfect, lightside, good guy team. Saviors. Warriors. Heroes. Legends. So how could it be possible for him to feel the conflict that he was trying to hide? He would never be good enough or strong enough to belong to this family. He grew up feeling worthless to his parents who were always gone. The only place he could find self-worth was the darkness reaching out to him, wanting to help him and show him how to end his pain. But he didn't want help, he wanted to do it on his own. He wanted to push through and make his family proud. And when he learned the truth about his grandfather being Darth Vader, (a truth which he learned through the government his mother worked with, NOT from his own family) the teachings of Jedi being good, peaceful people became a joke to him. Good people don't lie. Good people don't turn a blind eye to the suffering of someone they claim to love for the sake of their own desire of not having to address something they'd rather forget. And good people own up to their mistakes - they try to right their wrongs.

Nobody did that for Ben. They saw a darkness in him and chose to fear it instead of face it. They chose to train him and raise him to be what they considered "good". They chose to invade his thoughts during his sleep and make of it what they wanted, deciding on their own that he was destined to belong to darkness no matter what measures they took to prevent that from happening.

Ben saw Luke standing above him with every intention to murder him. So Ben defended himself, disabling Luke from hurting him. The emotions he was constantly burying pushed through to the surface - his own fear, loneliness, anger, and confusion. He had done everything asked of him. On the outside, he was everything they were trying desperately to create and yet... he still wasnt good enough.

And those voices that had been with him since he was born called to him to go and find his true ally - the one who would make him as strong and fearless as Darth Vader.

When the light betrayed Ben Solo, the darkness welcomed him with open arms. It comforted him, embraced him, and accepted him, thus rising the darkness that Ben Solo tried desperately to run from.

Kylo Ren, who was birthed from his parents carelessness towards him and his uncle's betrayal, killed Ben Solo. And though Kylo still felt the same as Ben, he was now being given what he believed to be genuine help to forever end the pain.

And that's all he ever really wanted.

He was manipulated into believing everything he was doing would eventually bring him the peace he craved. He was convinced what he was doing what was right. He was told that the darkness would give him all of the things his family never even attempted to. The dark side became the good side and the Jedi didnt deserve to exist anymore.

He's told that killing his past will allow him to become who he's always been meant to be, and since he has no idea who that is, he's willing to do whatever he has to in order to figure it out.

Then he meets Rey, who makes him realize Ben Solo isn't really dead and that Kylo Ren is just a mask he wears.

Then Rey defeats him in a duel, wielding his families lightsaber. What a slap in the face. Some random girl from a desert planet who has never trained her Force abilities, never really even knew she had these abilities until she met him, was never directly involved with any Jedi, and totally naive to everything she was able to do that he was put through hell and back to learn, just beat him with his own families weapon.

And instead of being sympathized with by the person who swore to help him since he was a kid, he's spit on about it. He was told none of the others ever faced such a task like he would when encountering his own father and by killing his father, reguardless of how he truly felt about it, he expected praise for doing what was suggested to have been the hardest thing he would ever have to do to prove himself worthy, yet he's spit on about it. He's back in the same neverending loop of being a disappointment.

His family saw darkness inside of him and the darkness saw his family inside of him. He couldn't win with either side.

So the Force gave him someone else to turn to, connecting him to this girl he should hate, but felt no hatred whatsoever towards. Instead, he was intrigued by their bond, impressed by her strength, and comforted in the realization that he found someone who felt exactly as he did. He ignored her threats, her doubt, her insults and her disgust towards him because he understood it: Ben Solo felt the same way about Kylo Ren.

He saw so much of himself before his turn to darkness in Rey and wanted to be for her what nobody was brave enough to be for him.

He knew that the only restraint she had on becoming what she longed to be was her inability to let go of a past she didnt need. He saw her strength, potential, determination and hope when she didn't see herself as anything. If he wanted to coax her with him inside of a life of never ending pain, he wouldn't tell her to kill her past, the thing that caused her pain, he would tell her to embrace it, allow it to consume her and feed off the power that pain could give. Her fear of accepting that any family she had is dead was the only source of darkness inside of her - it was her greatest weakness. He tells her of his own families betrayal as a means to say having a family isn't always what she's convinced herself it is. And he's so aggressive about it because he envies her: she has no one determining her path for her. She is free to be whoever she pleases and would face no judgement about it, and yet for some reason she aches to belong to someone.

And she eventually sees him for who he really is; the person inside of him that he's been silencing because he knows he could never go back to that life. She has seen him murder in cold blood, she has felt his conflict, she knows for certain all the horrible things he has done, yet still tells him that it isnt too late, showing him the hope she has in him - a hope he was never shown even before he committed the terrible acts he's done. There in his darkest of days, he's finally found that one person who accepts him, and he has absolutely nothing to offer her.

Still, she goes to him to save him from the darkness that has always been there and because of that, he is able to kill the thing he rightfully assumed was trapping him in that darkness.

He doesnt want to belong to any group, he doesn't want to set himself up to fail again, but he wants to be with this girl and keep the feeling of validation she gives him. So he pleads for her to allow everything to end so that they could start a new order - a new life - together. But she doesn't view it the same way he does. She wants him to go back with her, to the light, but the light already rejected him. He doesn't belong there, even if he wanted to.

There's no common ground then, and she leaves him.

The emotions he is left with cause him to feel the dominant presence of the darkness he had rightfully assumed he killed, and he goes on a rampage, deciding he will end it all himself, only then to be stopped by the single person who's doubts towards him hurt the most. Surely killing his uncle would be the way to end his internal war...

But again, he was wrong.

He sees no other option now but to consume himself in his own misery, and uses his new title as Supreme Leader to cause as much death and despair as he's endured his whole life.

He figures out why his conflict exists when he learns from Lord Sidious that all of the voices he has heard were simply from Sidious.

And Kylo becomes a puppet for the dark side once more, tasked to kill Rey and destroy all Jedi once and for all.

So Kylo faces Rey again, senses his mother's death, nearly dies by Rey's hand, faces his father within that near death, then awakens by a Force ability used by Rey to heal him.

Knowing that Rey should have left him to die but didnt pushes him to help her end a war he helped create. He destroys his own Knights and stands beside Rey in the light to defeat their common enemy. While fighting along side her now, he feels whole. He feels like he has found where his destiny lies. And her small grin, her gleaming eyes of hope as she looks at him, prove that she feels the same way.

During the battle, he is thrown into a pit by their enemy, leaving Rey to fight alone. The physical injuries Kylo sustains in no way hold him back from trying to get back to her. He acknowledges his pain and he accepts it; he doesn't let it physically or mentally hold him back. He doesn't let it control him. And as he climbed despite the pain and weakness he felt as he did it, he accepts his past, and he rids himself of it. He accepts his parents distance from him, his uncles betrayal, the darknesses deceit and his ignorance to the truth. He accepts himself for who he is, what he has done, and where he comes from, because none of it mattered to him anymore. He needed to make sure he hadnt failed Rey the same way people always failed him. He needed to be sure she wasnt pulled to the darkness by her own bloodline. He needed to make sure she was safe, help her end this, and see where they may be able to go from here.

Ben Solo made it back to the surface, leaving Kylo Ren in the darkness of the pit.

But he was too late.

He fell to ground, pulling Rey into his arms. Pain returned to him, only now it was much worse. He has nothing. He has nobody else. He gave his life to the darkside because he trusted it and then he lost everything and everyone he ever loved because of it.

Looking at her lifeless eyes caused Ben to lose any hope for himself he may have had left. He knew Rey had so many people who would mourn her death, cry over her, need her, miss her...

No one would do the same for him.

It wasnt hard for him to find the strength to do what he had to do. He didn't even hesitate.

Through the Force, he gave all that was left of him to the only person he felt truly accepted it - it was all he had left to offer. A descendant of one of the most feared Sith Lords became a source of hope for so many, and was a light too pure to let fade.

Ben was able to accept his life and feel total peace within it when he felt Rey's hand hold onto his. Her smile when she saw him, the joy when she said his name, and the thrill when she kissed him allowed him to feel a happiness he would have otherwise never been able to feel. His own smile felt foreign to him, but he was thankful to feel it one last time.

He was thankful to pass away while in the arms of someone who cared for him. Thankful to have been able to make use of a life that never felt like his.

Ben Solo did not die as a legend. His sacrifice would be seen by others as an act of redemption, though Rey knew he didn't save her for that reason. He never felt as if he needed to seek ways to redeem himself for the damage he had done, because he was always lead to believe he was doing what was right.

Ben Solo was simply saving what he loved, and he was finally free of his pain.

[sanchoyo]

Mira, Aqua, Persimmon 🍄🍂 Also 🌼 for Cara

Aohhohoho thank you sm I’m so excited to talk abt my kids

🍄 What are your OCs favourite snacks? Their favourite comfort food which always cheers them up when they’re down? Favourite meal to make? Do they enjoy baking and cooking and are they any good in the kitchen?

mira: she loves sweets!! her fav snacks are any kind of tiny cakes or soft, creamy kinds of candies (she isnt rly huge on hard candy) her comfort food is def like, just cake. (since becoming a mew she has random grain/wheat cravings lol) I..think she’s okay in the kitchen? she def has experience bc she always hangs around the cafe, even pre-mew stuff, so a lot of that time is her loitering around in the kitchen with keiichiro jajksdfh

aqua: as a robot she doesn’t really..eat or anything... I think after a while she would ask ryou to make her taste buds and some kind of eating stuff tho? she’d be happy to try anything! I think she’d lean towards cold foods like ice cream bc not only are they yummy, but they keep her system cool x) also, she WOULD be good at cooking, she could just. download cookbooks to her memory banks. altho some of the more delicate stuff like cracking eggs might be hard..she strong

persimmon: her fav earth snack is like. hot chips. her comfort food would prob be an alien dish that would be impossible to recreate on earth which is :( she would not enjoy baking and would 100% be godawful at it, shes never cooked in her life. buuut working at the cafe, she has to stay in the kitchen so customers dont Freak Out abt Alien, so she ...gets better... (lot of dish washing to start...)

🍂 Does your OC enjoy hugs? What do they do as a show of affection for: their friends, their family, their significant other(s) or for strangers? Over all what are they like with recieving affection from others?

mira: huggy, yes hug. do hug. her love language is Making Stuff and verbal praising ppl, like. She will call you cool and make you lil crafts. if she RECEIVES the affection shes quick to get flustered, esp if its a cute girl. she prefers to make the first moves, and gets real red when anyone else does. expect her to hide her face and mumble a ‘thank you’ very quietly

aqua: YES VERY MUCH HUGGY.  her affection/love language is very much touch based or just. very affectionate and will do acts of service for ppl she loves and wants to help them as much as possible!! when someone else gives HER affection, shes way more chipper/happy/excitable all day and glowing, like u can see it on her face!! she’ll thank the person very genuinely and try to hug them uwu

persimmon: not really huggy unless shes In The Mood for one, or knows the person well enough. her love language is very much Buying Things and showering people with gifts. she ..isnt very verbal about it unless shes close to the person. or just Spending time tbh means she likes u (on the flip side, if she doesnt shes just very Avoidant) when she recieves affection shes very ‘of COURSE you love me ;)’ confident, borderline arrogant abt it, but secretly she super appreciates it and gets a lil embarrassed? she gets a lot of compliments on her appearance, but if you compliment smth else (like..personality, or smth she actually worked hard on) she’ll like that a lot but brush you off verbally and act a lil nonchalant. 

🌼 Who are this characters friends and found family? How did they meet, how long have they been friends for, could they ever be something more than just friends? What do they look for in a friend or a romantic partner?

*aggressively trying to answer this for cara without spoilers...*

okay SO her “”friends”” among the aliens would probably be Arilla (queen’s assistant) Saguaro and Pereskia (two of queen’s top brass) Sapote, and Sapote’s older sister. So, basically, half queen’s crew sort of hates or looks down on her for being The Human, but Pereskia finds that sort of thing irrelevant and is only interested in how strong Cara could potentially be, and happily trains with her (sometimes pushing her way too far :| ) But she considers her..someone to learn from, which is close enough as she’ll let anyone. 

Arilla is somewhat protective over Cara as she reminds him of someone and tries to keep her out of trouble (does not succeed) hes got those dad friend instincts tho. but being the extremely uptight professional he is, she takes a while to realize hes been lookin out for her. 

Sapote’s sister is actually in charge of the kid’s area on the ship and kinda functions as a babysitter for all the kids, and its kind of become a safe area for Cara to go and just. Decompress. Sapote’s sister is kind of a pushover and cries easily, so Cara more or less..just..demands to be allowed in and the kids do kinda. love her and shes like ‘??? why???’ but. puts up with them (secretly enjoys it)

 Sapote very much adores Cara, she sees her as a little sister figure and doesnt CARE if shes human, she wants to tease and protect her bc theyre Both the Mews on Queens side, treated as lab rats, and she wants to take the brunt of that. Cara doesnt really realize how much she and the other aliens who like her protect her until later :) 

Saguaro is..a special case. They are  pretty heavily indoctrinated into the Deep Blue Worship Cult, so they think humans are divine, being descended from db. So. you can imagine cara is like. hmm. can use this and take a lil advantage. not great but :/ she has a hard time seein any of these people as genuine friends at the start, and she has a really hard time letting people in in general...that wasn’t always the case.

for a romantic partner she has a Type. 

:-)

[sorrelstream]

more rewrite ramblings...again

Specifically pertaining to crowfeather and how hes actually an antagonist in this au

• His relationship with Nightcloud is actually an arranged mateship; when Ashstar became leader after Tallstar's death, Onewhisker defied her and rallied a rebellion and Mudclaw actually supported him in this verse (hehe flipped). After the rebellion is quelled and Onewhisker either a. Dies, b. Backs off, or c. Is exiled/runs off, Mudclaw stays and as a sign of windclans unity they arrange for Ashstars son Crowfeather and Mudclaws daughter Nightcloud to be mates

• Anyways. After Crows rejected by Feathertail a second time, he kinda seems to dodge around the idea of an arranged marriage (nightcloud also isnt thrilled but agrees bc she feels like this is what a loyal windclan warrior would do). He reluctantly agrees but during this time starts sneaking around with Leafpool as his rebound, and he eventually convinces her to run away. When leafpool tells him they need to go back and break this off, crows pissed at her and moody. He goes back to nightcloud and pleads that she take him back to prove hes a loyal windclan warrior and nightcloud, both pitying him as he was her friend growing up and also again feeling pressured by her clanmates/clan, agrees and takes him back as her mate. Crow however still acts really shitty towards her, continuing to moon over leafpool and feathertail while doing a complete 180 around them and acting particularly mean/aggressive to leafpool

• Its kinda heavily implied that crows still pursuing romances with other mollies (be it rogues, loners, kittypets, other clan cats, etc.) by nightcloud a lot as nightcloud seeks comfort from squirrelstorm (who, while they never acted on their romantic feelings as apprentices, are still close friends and squirrel continues to quietly pine for night but chooses to push those feelings to the side) and nightcloud mentions that crow sneaks out at night a lot, is generally distant and cold towards her, and nothing like the friend she grew up with

• It kinda drives home nights worries when she goes into labor and crows literally nowhere to be found until the next morning, after night has a stillborn birth and breezekit is in severe critical condition

• Crow and night both begin to resent windclan. Night resents them for the pressure they put her in and acting as though the clans safety/unity solely resided on whether she had crows kits or not, but they continue to stand back and allow crow to treat night and breeze the way he does with no confrontation or even attempting to guide him to change (the only cats who ever seem bothered by crows treatment of his family besides night are whitetail, barkface, and breezes apprentice friends). Crow on the other hand resents windclan for keeping him tied down but mainly resents leafpool and nightcloud, believing that they ruined his chances at a happy life

• Idk if either crow trains in the dark forest or breeze trains in the dark forest yet tho tbh. I think breeze would still train while crow just remains an antagonist factor but idk

• Anyways. After the secret is revealed by lionblaze at a gathering (which causes both lion and holly to run away from thunderclan i might talk abt that in another post idk), ashstar decides she cant really punish crowfeather and doesnt even scold him bc whats done is done and in his defense he didnt know abt the three being his. Most of windclan actually blames leafpool for it (except for a select few ofc). Nightclouds resentment finally hits its peak and she decides to run off to thunderclan as they seemed to be the only cats who sympathized with her; breezepelt also agrees to come with her and they join thunderclan

• Leafpool also like the night after or so found nightcloud and begged her not to be mad at squirrelstorm for nevet telling her abt the threes bio kits. Leafpool had been unaware of nights arranged mateship to crow when they ran off and was extremely ashamed to not only be carrying a windclan toms kits but also a taken windclan toms kits so she begged squirrel not to tell anyone abt the bio parents of the kits. Squirrel agreed and in the end believed it didnt matter who their bio parents were bc she raised them as her own. Night decides to forgive leaf and squirrel and actually becomes even closer to them in thunderclan

• Anyways. Back to crow. Seeing night actually be happy in her thunderclan life (and the possible blooming/happy romance between her and squirrel), as well as leaf achieving her dreams and becoming a medicine cat, drives crow further into his bitterness. Hes mad that they got happy endings while he didnt, so in the final dark forest battle, crow targets them and breeze

• Ashstar actually takes a pretty bad wound defending breezepelt from crowfeather and begs nightcloud for forgiveness - she feels guilty for letting her son slide on so much and regrets shoving nightcloud into an unhappy romance under the guise of it being for the sake of windclan. Night forgives her but tells her she wont be rejoining windclan as she finally feels good about herself in thunderclan. Ash understands and accepts this (after the battle breeze does decide to move back to windclan, but hes happy for his mom back in thunderclan)

• Crow targets leaf at one point during the battle and attacks her, attempting to kill her, when either night bounds in and tears him away from her. They duke it out and crow tries to trick night into turning her back on him so he can sneak attack/kill her, but as he lunges for the kill holly intervenes and actually kills him (this is still up in concepts so idk tho. Night herself might just wreck him idk lol)

• Last thing. Idk if ill use this bc honestly i never read avos and ive never rlly thot abt rewriting the plot past oots but if i did: darktail would actually be the result of one of crows implied earlier romances (perhaps between him and one of the mollies from The Colony). Darktail sees this new era the clans are in of peace and open borders/being more open to cross-clan relationships (be it familial, romantic, or platonic) and feels enraged over the fact he and his mother lived a difficult hard life on their own, pushed away by crowfeather, for the sake of this code that is now not even a huge deal anymore. So he teams up with sol (? Perhaps idk) and tries to dismantle the clans and turn them on each other and go back to their old code bc if he had to suffer then he better not have suffered for no reason

[zanyanimalstechnologytaco]

My Hero Academia, the series, the fan media, the community all was a mistake of our time

I hate this show. More than Naruto and more than Fairy Tail. I hate Izuku, I hate Kstsuki, I hate how everyone and everything is just being forced to like everything about them, I hate All Might, I hate the Hero Association, I hate how light hearted and shallow arcs end. And I hate how things ended up with my once favorite character, his ship and everything I ever expected to be better became much worse and theres no male based fan media to or communities that allow my project myself in shouto anymore, seriously hes manly than "Cant stop Sparkling" guy now adays based on all the fan stuff he has about being with deku.

Todomomo was a mistake and Todoroki is a mistake. All bnha ships are unholy and wrong. Bnha is all shallowness and impure GARBAGE. I used to love bnha and was a big todoroki fan. But the more I invested through time in this character, the more i felt alone and isolated from the fandoms intention on shouto being bland fangirl fuel, the more I felt more distant from the character and not even the manga supports my reasons to invest in todoroki whom hori treats like the most shoehorned false hype emo in the show. And that offends me deeply, you got all these characters and the ones that you are expected to take seriously (and live through vicariously) are the most important characters in the show. Deku, Bakugou, All Might, Mineta, Kirishima and even Endeavor are these character and he obviously builds up there hidden character development in abilities and progression, shouto still struggles with his own personal development and is basically the same as he started with the added bonus of jobbing.

Oh and all the hype about him being cool and attractive, just irrelevant blanket statement extra tidbit filler, nothing meaningful but to make shouto explained why hes special, I prefer it if the story elaborates this by "showing" it, which the author just skims through with him and hand waves consistancy with contradiction in other following scenes making him seem like a weaker/dumber from before(ex. Fighting Festival(shouto a top tier student in every respect according to deku) to Stain Fight(Shouto is nothing but quirk reliant) according to Stain). Strongest quirk wise, this is all he has for him but even hes not even the most talented or intelligently trained with it, which makes me wonder of all shouto is just a blanket statement based character that just meant to exist to explore how insignificant he is with all his power and advantages compared to the main duo and other coming of age based events involving the cast. Even his father represents this more than his son.

Todomomo seems to relate to this, but its meaningless, just like everything else shouto has been portrayed by fans, based on how much the author puts his narrative into play which is also meaningless in the grander context of the story. Why make momo and shouto work together in the first place only to not build that relationship in future developments.

That pairing I hate(todomomo), I didnt hate in the beginning only to me because it was the only humanizing aspect todoroki had not related to his family and later the forced shoehorned dynamic with deku and bakugou, it made sense because the two are socially awkward people despite their supreme standing in the class and as first years and yet they both encourage each other by standing firm to overcome their own lack of socialization skills to grow as ideal people and improve socially, which seems to be working for momo now not shouto who's still the brooding loner elitist type(only has friends with elitist characters like friends too) . Now it's a husk and a relic of a potential investment in shoutos own story, I dont give a damn anymore, shoutos has no real anticipating developments to compel him to me, his quirk is boring as fuck since it's just a shooting targeting spammer, he isnt a good character to entertain me from a personal way, he really is a broken record of the same issues with a new idea, his family outside of endeavor and overcooked guy is more boring than him, and god I hate him with deku and bakugou which gives me more a reason to not bother with anything about him specifically since they will always overshadow him as story narrative and progress development narrative types, and I hate those two more. They are really just stand ins as horikoshi escapist fantasies, and both of them get more attention than any character as narratives who pretty much get the most attention in doing the most awesome feats and accomplishments as main roles. The new movie was about that. Shoutos accomplishments center around how he plays second fiddle to that basically instead of exploring the potential of being a pure equal to deku and bakugou, he gets the second in command villains or does something less than them in battles they already excell at in quirk control.

It's all worthless, shouto should not be this popular anything, and eventually this reflects in the popularity polls recently, which I noticed in the west from the previous one, shouto was less recieved by a significant margin compared to the main leads as a third place holder, maybe it shows me that todoroki is losing favor slowly, it makes sense, the author is not doing anything with him that makes people catch interest with the plot about strong heroes and villains getting more relevant as major players, while hes stronger than most the class but not plot relevant with his strength like deku has. Bakugou is like just like deku since the plot focuses on his strength to and is naturally stronger than Shouto via being the more badass and more aggressively driven he gets and thus gets as strong if not stronger and more skilled than shouto out of sheer plot armor. Shouto is just getting hotter and cold, bigger and more raw and unrefined in his power, so he has to control it which is still not as grand as bakugous perfect skills and genius and deku grander scaling in brains and brawn. If I were to make a guess, shouto is just going to to be behind them both as a stronger quirk user eventually and more about being a defensively capable than battle capable like kirishima and ochako, fitting for a major yet minor character, which disappoints me even more since shouto can be more battle creative than both of them if the author didnt have a bias in making deku and bakugou better than him despite having a stronger quirk.

God I hate this series. Theres no likable characters that are relatable or even human, there all shallow power and fanservice fantasies, the only character in class 1s that acts less cartoonish and serves as a stand in audience Surrogate is jirou and tail guy, but they are all about being generic looking compared to the unrealistically attractive guys and girls, the looney toon designed comic relief, and the recycled shonen trope cast. But if anything shouto represents all these shallow functions the most, and it's made him a less than a character too, it made him a sellout fan appeal type with no credibility as a character, which is why men dont like him due to not showing much concern to connect to him as a human narrative, at least the characters compared to him are showing why they(despite acting like shallow cliches) are interesting characters to care about, shoutos thing is telling about how tragically sympathetic his character needs to be as the only important thing about him, not as a part of him as a character to endear towards while he grows and helps build up a leading narrative with his development. His story doesnt help any part of the main lead or rivals growth, or his class, or his own personal objectives for his goals as a hero(being like all might and surpassing all might is a all purpose blanket statement to keep him near deku and bakugou as a power hype, not a individual self defined person). Dragging out objectives(season 1: being anti endeavor on surpassing all might which in the end pledges to learn not to do that and become better, season 2.Learning from the festival and from then on to being able to take endeavors legacy and take his training seriously which compared to deku and bakugou isnt enough to show much, Season 3. Promises to make people depend on him, doesnt happen since hes still the unapproachable person people in his class know him for. Season 4. Still makes promises hes gonna be a dependable hero, still accept his fire side, still be his own hero, things he repeats and fails to attempt because hori is lazy or just doesnt care about showing how much hes changed compared to his mary sue duo. etc) that dont happen and are inconsistent with new story details is why shouto is dead to me. High expectations about him are problematic since the author has agendas that don't involve story relevancy about him compared to the actual leading roles, plus the fan reception helps effect how I feel about shouto to, hes not even popular enough to have drawn pornagraphy with most all the girls and high quality momo hentai fanservice artists and circles, fucking mineta and your average joe otaku faceless male is more likely than shouto instead. That's how much the value shouto means to anyone than just a fangirl targeted audience which is just gay or bishi equivalent to sasuke fanworks and the feminine answer to male targeted audiences of characters like deku, bakugou and mineta, the worst and most common types of shonen stock characters in the series.

I hope this series and all the fans get tired of this shit when it gets eventually cancled. Or maybe it has. I dont really keep up with it anymore.

[the-benevolent-beast]

Who is best friends with who?

**Glad you asked!! I’ll do Best friends and also general friends- Jade has been ‘childhood’ friends with Jeffery for a long time; (since he made his debut in the UR, really- she was the.. second? person he actually got to know alittle after being dragged down there))She’s been friends with him since, and even went through schooling (the Institute) with him; in fact, Eyeless was also in their graduating class, and she considers him a friend as well.However, things have gotten a bit r o c k y in their friendship (which wont be discussed currently but theres a few negatives), and Jade has seemed to spend more time with the likes of Will than with him. Jade seems a bit happier lately since she’s befriended Will as well..She met Will under rather specific circumstances, but seems more than happy to lend him a hand and, much to his surprise, actually actively seems to like being his friend and hanging out with him or helping him. Yes, she’s known for her benevolence (and or malevolence if the need arises), but she just felt an odd click with him. She finds him kind and dorky, but also deteminded and just a tad idiotic- but hey, who isnt? Basically, she really likes this one- its a nice change after enduring alot of Jeffery’s... stuff, towards her....Even if Will is friends and roommates with... h i m.In conclusion; Jade is/was(?) Best Friends with Jeffery (while Jeffery also considers Ben a best friend of course), is good friends with Eyeless, is on good terms with a good handful of other individuals, and has been getting along quite nicely with Will. If she had to admit it, she’s taken quite a liking to Will, and he may be the soon runner up for that Best Friend position...- Jeffery, as stated above, has been ‘childhood’ friends with Jade since he met her all those years ago, having met and gotten to know her quite well. He also (somehow) made good friends with the likes of Ben and Penny, while at least being on okay terms with Eyeless and a few others from their Graduating class. Though, admittedly, looking back on it now it seems he did take advantage of Jade and the others quite a bit, but its not like him to dwell on the past too much so he himself doesnt think about it like Jade has. He isn’t someone who has alot of friends, or actively makes them; if anything, no one at this point forward wants to be his friend. He’s rude and full of himself, tends to take advantage of those close to him sometimes, and has made quite the showing as of late of being a selfish asshole, also probably needs a shower. In Jade’s words, she feels he’s only gotten worse over the passed few years, and she’s starting to get annoyed/hurt by it, as she cant really see why he’s stooped so low lately.In conclusion; Jeffery is/was(?) Best friends with Jade, Best friends with Ben (though he’s not around much, doin’ his own thing, and also not in this barrel of a party that is the blog), good friends with Penny, on okay-ish terms with Eyeless, and thats about it. Oh, and Smile- Smile has been his good boi best pal for awhile now, and Smile seems indifferent. Ongoing feuds with Jane, annoyance or aggression towards others, and his boasting and thinking he’s one of the best has made everyone either ignore or avoid him- as you do.- Eyeless gets along just fine with anyone he meets, as he isn’t much of a talker and has a more silent understanding. If he doesnt like someone, he either would make it known or just look the other way and ignore them. While he doesnt actively have a best friend that could be seen as another individual, he does see Seedie as a good companion and could easily consider her a Best Friend in a way. He see’s Jade as a good individual that he’s spent some time with and even ran into while ‘out on the field’ (in the OW). While he’s on okay-ish terms with Jeffery, he easily admits that the selfish-vibe Jeff gives him isn’t one he likes.In conclusion; Best friend is Seedie, good friends or positive acquaintances with a handful if not most others.- LJ .... well. No One likes LJ. He himself isn’t sure why everyone dislikes him so much, but he’s so used to it at this point that he hasnt questioned it in quite some time. Maybe its personal things to each individual, or maybe its an agreed upon disliking for him by a group or more of individuals, but either way- its pretty obvious that Jack is one of the least liked out of anyone. Maybe its something he did? Said? Still does? Who knows...But then again, one night out in the field (out in the OverWorld), he was interrupted by a small kid- roughly no older than six. In fact, the six year old had just caught him gutting and lowkey strangling a seven year old that the younger had been been having a ‘sleep over’ with. The six year old didnt run, or scream, or seem frightened- no, in fact, he seemed curious. After seeing the seven year old cut open and hanging on by a thread, the six year old just stood there, silent but curious. He looked to Jack, and Jack stared back; with a look of surprise no less- he wasn’t used to getting caught in the act by other kids, he was used to hearing the hurried footsteps of paranoid and frantic mothers or fathers and then getting caught in the act by them instead. Then that night finished in a blur- the six year old doesnt remember much after that but isn’t allowed to that house again. The distraught and paranoid family of the then gutted deceased seven year old moved away shortly after.Jack felt odd after that night- something about how the kid wasn’t scared by him at all, but intrigued instead. It didnt take long before he found the kid again, but alone. He was home alone, although with a babysitter (who wasn’t paying any attention to him). Jack observed the kid for a bit, finding him to be fairly lonely, but not at all a brat. He was curious, and albeit a tad stupid in actions (a crazy lil kid who always managed to do the most outlandish or dorky of things without being a brat), was a good kid. He felt no desire to harm this one, and in fact started to feel a tad odd on the inside. Fuzzy, somewhere in his chest or head, or something. A ‘bond’, maybe. He was in denial about any "bond” when it crossed his mind, but looking back on it now he realizes it most likely definitely is. After a bit, he decided to show himself to the kid- with less blood on his hands this time- to which the youngster seemed more than happy to see him again- and this time in his more well lit bedroom instead of a dark room on a stormy night. Well, that was a start to an surprisingly good friendship.Oh, who’s the six year old, you ask?Well, it was William of course!In conclusion; he considers Will his good lil best buddy and has for years. Jack has sort of been the best friend, sorta the weird uncle like sort of figure in Will’s life, and later lazyboned roommate,,And for a bit, he’s sort of tried to get on Jade’s good side since she started coming around to Will- but it doesnt seem to be working...- William is a fresh newcomer to the UR and... really doesnt have any friends. He never has, really. He’s had peers, kids his age, his parents, and thats about it. Well, until he had been picked up by a friend of his mothers to have a small sleep over with her own son a good 35 minutes away- to a sleep over that ‘didnt end well’ and one he cant really remember much from.His parents were always busy, so asking their friends who also had kids if they could do a sleep over wasn’t uncommon. He was often left to play and hang out with kids around his age who already knew eachother- which means he was usually left out of things and never made any friends. he was always late to the party when it came to making friends with his parent’s friend’s kids. He was usually quiet around others, and when it was apparent that none of them wanted to be his friend, he got even quieter the whole time he wasn’t home.He was a good kid, so his mother (who paid more attention to him than his father, and actually tried to be there for him) didnt understand why..But after a certain event took place during one of the sleep overs he had been too, his mother had been too scared to let him out, and instead started to have a babysitter instead. That’s when she noticed he seemed to get alittle happier- but unknown to her, it was because of a certain clown instead of any babysitter. Regardless, she was just relieved and joyed to see him just a tad happier.As he grew up, and throughout his school years, he never made any friends, as others always seemed to ignore or avoid him, or act as if he wasn’t there. So, no friends all throughout his child and teen years- well, aside from Jack, who has always sort of been there for him. However, when he got to age 13 and beyond, Jack seemed to come around less and less, but still made efforts to see his ‘best buddy’. So even though he know he had Jack as a friend and ‘support’, he still felt rather lonely, and sometimes (even though he didn’t show it) the whole ‘no one likes him’ would get into his head and his feelings.Fast forward to finishing high school and getting kicked out soon after, Will basically begged Jack to bring him to the UR- to start anew there and be the best killer he (had nearly never mentioned that he) wanted to be. It caught Jack off guard, as it’d been quite awhile since he’d let the UR slip in convo with this kid and wasn't entirely sure about bringing him there... but it happened.Fast forward again, the boi is finally somewhat sorta settled in the UR and just started more schooling- the Institute... and still has plenty of trouble making any friends or even acquaintances. Which isn't surprising, as its the UR, but he thought he’d at least have another chance... but then he met Jade.Which, ultimately, seemed to put him at ease- as she was more than happy to befriend him and get to know him on such a level... despite being one of his teachers...  In conclusion; Will considers Jack to be his best friend and has for years, and see’s Jade in a similar light so far. He still gets sorta awkward and flush around her bc having a new friend for once is sorta really weird to him, especially (another) one that could easily slaughter him in seconds but he appreciates her friendship.. alot. He appreciates both of them, even if one is a lazyboned clown with a habit of being hated by others, and the other being a fluffy beast but with soft intentions and actually doesnt mind him at all.**so theres that- geez I wrote alot for LJ and Will, forgive me,,,,**also forgive if anything seems muddled, its like 2:20 am

[19possums-blog]

On tianshan relationship and their fandom, i guess ?

hello there @nightfayre !! Im the 5asks anon lol (the one abt the last chapter of tianshan). I wanted to thank you for your answer and continue to rant in your askbox but i figured it was so long that mb it would crash ur box lmao, so I... kind of created a blog..... hm. well theres no bad reasons to create an account is there lol ?? (also is there no way to send a long ask ?? why is it so limited :(( )

So once again thank you for anwser, and what an answer ! You raised many points i didnt think about and that was very interesting. I knew i would be glad to hear your thoughts ! the rest under a read more coz i think its going to be looong lol

(( To do a sort of disclaimer : I despise fandom discourse and im more of the mentality “let ppl enjoy what they want as long as it dont hurt real life ppl”, and “dont like dont interact”. So everything im going to say is not an attack against anyone, but just a way of prolonging a manhwa that i like. Most of all, i want to emphasize that at the end of the day, its just a manhwa : it doesnt justify being mean or aggressive towards other real life ppl. If you find yourself raging while reading fandom wank, just stop reading, block, and go outside a little. My way of enjoying the manhwa is to be analytical, to criticize (positively and negatively) and to look at the material source as well as the fandom in itself ; if its (understandably lol) not your definition of fun, this post may not be for you !))

Ur totally right in saying that the hardest thing is separate morality, reality and fiction. I hope my asks didn't come across as a 'u shouldnt like tianshan bc its not morally good'. There is a lot of puritan push back on tumblr lately, and im totally against it. Everyone is free to like/ship what they want ; reading only ‘morally good’ literature wont prevent you to become a nasty person - i would argue itd be the exact opposite, as your spirit wont be trained to think critically or to evaluate a situation (and every situations is always grey) by your own means. Also, its important to separate fantasies/what you like to read and who you are/what you do. To be embarrassingly honest, and like many people, one of my sexual fantasy is rape ; but in my real life, im in a queer anarchist collective that actively fights against rape culture and defends rape victims. That is why i dont have a problem with SheLI/Mo shippers (or even HeCheng/SheLi shippers) even if its not my cup of tea, but i would have a problem if in real life (irl) ppl would say to irl Mo that irl SL is good for him (or if they wouldnt find it wrong that a irl 30yo Cheng is involved wt an irl 15yo Li). I digress.

But then again this confusion about fiction/reality/morality is at the core of the tianshan fandom -and many fandoms. I dont know about you, but i grossly see 3 types of ‘trends’ depending on how ppl interact with the source material  :

1.The ones who think you cant like something while being critical of it. I love 19 days but I think there are flaws in it, beyond tianshan dynamic (like how OX handles the transition between funny and dramatic moments –I think its badly done). It doesn’t mean I personally hate OX and wish harm to their family oc. Worse than this, the ones who, because they dont like certain things in 19 days, feel free to harass OX on their social media.  Here its a confusion between fiction and reality and a lack of critical thinking.

2. the ones that loves Tianshan because they think it fits the trope “Dark, handsome, tortured violent boy who is violent towards fragile, sweet, pure cute boy because he loves him” and the typically associated trope “the pure boy will change the violent boy by the pureness of his heart”. Aka the most common yaoi trope. Again, if it pleases people to see Tianshan like this, good for them and i hope they have a nice time reading 19 days. Lets face it, I love really bad yaoi and books. Its just not how i see tianshan at all, but to each their own. I just have a problem when these ppl insist that its an ok behavior to have in real life and say things like “possessiveness is a proof of love” uncritically (hint : it isnt). For me, its the difference between enjoying fast food (thats okay), and wanting to force everyone to eat fast food and to find it pleasurable (not okay).

3. the ones that think what you like in literature defines who you are, and so in order to be a “good person” you have to only like “morally good litterature” -there are the ones I personally find the more interesting bc they can ask good questions. But alas, in most cases its just puritanism badly disguised and currently they are in all fandoms. Lets not delve into the issue of this statement : what is ‘morally good’ ? who are in the authority to proclaim what is good ? how can you recognize what is ‘morally good’ if you dont see what is ‘morally not good’ ? is it literature’s responsibility to educate its audience ? do literature have to point out “watch out audience what just happened is not okay” as if we were brainless children ? whats more important : what you like reading or what you do irl ? .... Okay i totally delve into this lmao. Here its a confusion between fiction and morality and a rejection of critical thinking : we could say its like when the Catholics prohibited women from reading bc it would pervert them and think of the children).

Returning to the specifics of what we've been talking about  : so in this last case, you (generic ‘you’) think that you are a good person ; so you have to read morally good literature. So in this case, fandom isnt just a harmless hobby, but a proof of how you are morally good, imagine the stakes ! But alas, you happen to like 19 days and most specifically tianshan. You said (@nightfayre​ ) that you judge Tianshan unhealthy as they are now, and i wholeheartedly agree with you, so im not going to discuss why since you already explained it so well. So, what happens when you like a morally not good ship, but you think liking morally dubious things makes you a bad person ? You bent over backwards to explain that, in fact, this ship is morally good, to protect your integrity. And thats why, in 19days fandom since the last chapter (and its the same thing with every chapter where flaws of HT are revealed!), there are many posts going around “hm, in fact, what He Tian did is good ! i know it can seems like hes a violent asshole who dont respect MGS because he punches him, threatens him, and dont listen to him, but hm.... in fact its because he’s nice...” and then they do mental gymnastics to justify what is, obviously, not morally justifiable. And i find its a pity because, my guy, my buddy, nobody is going to throw you tomatoes if you like a morally dubious character, and also bc nothin is morally good ! everybody does what they think is the best in ‘problematic situations’ ! and thats what make life interesting ! and so, 19 days interesting ! The flaws of HT (and MGS) are what drawn ppl to his character, bc it makes him real, its makes him contradictory, we can project ourselves in him, and we can see a complicated character with awesome latent potential. And yes, treating someone like a territory bc you care about them is a flaw lol. (on this subject : i saw ppl saying that its protectiveness and not possession : if you protect someone like you would protect a territory, then its not a healthy protection. you deal with a human whose agency you must respect, contrary to a territory).

MGS and HT are the product of what happen to them in their early childhood and then their adolescence. Like you said, they grow up in a violent, twisted world, where being emotionally distant is the norm. I would even say that they are expected to conform to the standards of (toxic) masculinity : channel all your emotions into anger, caring is being weak and feminine, prove your worth by your physical strength, be in control in all ur relationship, etc. I would say thats why Mo is so hostile towards HT : HT challenges his masculinity, by seducing him (everyone know that the biggest fear of macho men like HT and Mo is being considered gay -_-) and being stronger than him. Lets face it, Mo has kind of a homophobic issue, like all the boys. Between JY who tells HT its disgusting being told hes handsome by a man (at the beginning of the manhwa, i hope by now he had grown out of it), or Mo who tells HT he isnt happy that a guy is on his bed or who desperately wants to prove his heterosexuality by saying he likes all cute girls to his baldy friend... HT is more nuanced, but at the end, when he ‘seduces’ Mo, its always predatory. He doesnt let himself being vulnerable and he aggressively touches Mo even without his consent. For me, its a way of proving his domination, not his interest (and when i say that, i dont mean that HT is not genuinely interested in Mo -just that his actions dont translate this). ZZX is the only one who seems to have a healthy relationship with his masculinity lol, but then hes the healthy one in all aspects (thats why i dont like his character and am not invested in zhanyi, even if irl i would love to be his friend).

With all that being said, oc HT wont know how to adequately express genuine concern and interest in Mo ! This sort of social interactions is not something you just know, its smth you learn. And in HT and Mo’s cases, nobody was there to teach them -we could even say that ppl in their life made them unlearn caring behaviors. So HT does what he does best : he fights and forces, and is surprised when Mo thinks (obviously) HT is evil. And also, like you said, Mo will never be (at least how he is now) a driving force in their relationships bc he will always run away from bonding with ppl. So here we are, HT being the only driving force in their relationship, the same HT who only knows violence. No wonder that their relationship is like this...

As it is, i feel like tianshan is kind of in an impasse right now. One or the other is going to have to evolve if we want to see their relationships changing. Either HT learns how to care without being violent (seems complicated if Mo doesnt challenges him, bc HT isnt going to realize this without feedback since its how he has always functioned), or, more likely, Mo is going to be honest with him and tell him that his behavior is hurting him. Though more probable, I dont see it happening anytime soon : for one, Mo isnt capable of seeing when he is hurting emotionally and what is hurting him ; and also, bc Mo doesnt know any other language than violence, not unlike HT. I think its smth most of the fandom ignore, how violence is smth that HT and MGS both have in common, and how if HT wasnt violent, MGS certainly wouldnt consider him at all.

Anw im excited to see where OX is going with all this ! Like you said, the forced kiss was pivotal to their relationship, so im kind of hoping it would be the same here ! I just hope they wont... do like usual and just put a funny chapter and ignore this latest development.....

OMG i wrote soo much and there is so much i still want to say.... i think im going to do a second post... sorry about the spam lmao

( @nightfayre : i dont know how this site works yet, is @ you alright ? will it show you my post in your notif or should i send an ask ?  bc i want you to see my answer, but i dont want you to feel pressurized to respond or interact or anything !! above all dont feel pressurized, i was sad last night when you wrote ‘im sorry to not answer more quicly’ bc you should answer at your own rhythm or not answer ! your blog is a hobby, not an obligation, so dont feel bad to not do more when yo already do much !! )

[saints-row-2]

in fallout Tuesday and Ezra-Kane work together long enough to take down the Legion but completely destroy their partnership during Lonesome Road and turn to blows when it comes to deciding if theyre gonna work with House or not and Tuesday runs Ezra-Kane out of town before the ending of New Vegas. when they see each other again in Fallout 4 its intensely aggressive and the only reason they dont fight it out there and then is bcs theyre both working with Atticus (both to take down the Institute, but also in Ezra-Kane’s case to take down the Brotherhood, and in Tuesday’s to minimise damage to the Brotherhood). they leave off in Fallout 4 with the desire to never see each other again and Tuesday promising Ezra-Kane that he wont fucking hesitate to come after him if he feels that Ezra-Kane has gone too far down the ‘he who fights monsters’ path.

like Ezra-Kane and Tuesday have the same fundamental goal; they want to take down bad people. but as ive said before, Tuesday is driven by a desire to always be good and destroy evil. he always wants to do the right thing. Ezra-Kane, on the other hand, wants to stop evil preemptively by becoming such a powerful force that he can stop anyone else from gaining power. so while Tuesday is kind of aimlessly wandering around doing shit, Ezra-Kane has a structured plan, a lot of which involves doing shit that could be seen as for his own gain. 

Tuesday doesnt think Ezra-Kane is fundamentally evil, and hes thrown enough by Ezra-Kane’s ‘ends justify the means’ style plan that he doesnt really know if he should do anything about Ezra-Kane, but he knows he cant justify helping or working with Ezra-Kane. Ezra-Kane thinks Tuesday is naive, endlessly slapping band-aids on the Wasteland without any kind of actual plan (and uses Tuesday’s abandonment of the Mojave when the Mojave needs leadership and Tuesday’s working with Maxson’s Brotherhood as proof that Tuesday doesnt know what hes doing) and doesnt want anything to do with him bcs he thinks Tuesday’s a joke. they just personally hate each other more than anything.

in the 80s au/in my El Reino stories they DO start off working together, in order to deal with the mystery in the story (which im still working out) and eventually turn on each other bcs theyre kind of destined to always hate each other. in El Reino, Tuesday is a PI and Ezra-Kane is just a rich kid with connections to the mafia, who he also despises. again, Tuesday’s primary goal is just to do good things, but Ezra-Kane’s is initially to kill the don, Drago, as revenge. eventually he realises this wouldnt actually help El Reino at all, and he risks either whoever Drago’s replacement is, or worse, one or more of the mafia families outside El Reino taking over. he decides he needs to, again, become more powerful and challenge the entire local organisation.

in this universe again, Tuesday doesnt think Ezra-Kane is evil, but does think he’s power-hungry and immensely doesnt trust him. Ezra-Kane, again, doesnt give a shit what Tuesday thinks because he thinks Tuesday is pathetic. and again, neither of them directly challenge each other. 

in Fallout, Ezra-Kane thinks that the whole world is sick. hes so traumatised by what he sees in the Wasteland after leaving the vault that it destroys his ability to believe anything good can grow there, and he becomes hellbent on reform by any means necessary. in El Reino, Ezra-Kane is specifically traumatised by the mafia due to teenage interactions with the mob, and while initially his anger is towards Drago as the mafia’s leader, like i said he turns to a larger plan. essentially its the same plan as in Fallout, to form his own ‘gang’ (again utilising connections that Teddy Tallahassee has) and challenge a larger organisation. although here its an isolated strand of the mafia (Drago deliberately cut himself off from other families and has an extremely contentious relationship with other branches of the mafia) not the Brotherhood, and Tuesday isnt connected to them. 

theyre still the same characters in both versions like i very specifically wanted to capture their exact personalities and try to recreate reasons for them to be the same and try to recapture events of the story. the story opens with Tuesday arriving in El Reino and ends with him leaving, kind of a mirror to how the courier in the start of New Vegas is seemingly a new arrival there and then ultimately ‘vanishes’ at the end of the story; Tuesday returned to the Mojave after spending time away and then left at the end when the pressure of taking care of the new New Vegas got to be too much. in El Reino, he arrives back after spending time away and eventually leaves again because of his fear of commitment to a cause, and because of the seemingly insurmountable number of issues in El Reino ruining his love for his hometown. 

i think the character whos largely changed the most is Atticus but ive talked enough for an incredibly self-serving post

[valerepoet]

That reblog's got me thinking. I work with The Kid, who's 18. Like, he is a kid to me. And he's had such a rough fucking life man i really feel a lot of compassion and respect for him. Despite the shit he's been through, he still holds onto a sensitivity towards others and i'm so proud of him.

He was in the foster care system for a good portion of his life, and what little he has told me, his time with his actual parents was worse. He's very crass and doesn't understand certain boundaries and signals very well - but he's sooo open to learning. He's got an edge to him that is very offputting to most people. I understand his intention, becaude lo and behold, i have too much experience with crass and difficult people. I can see in him that he's just plain old not understanding how he is coming across, because he would otherwise not to be that way. As soon as he realizes that he's hurt someone's feelings or made someone uncomfortable, he apologizes and acknowledges that he now understands what he said was wrong. He's sensitive to other people. Sometimes, despite some of his lack of social understanding, too much so. I think he may have learned quick that if he didnt want to get hurt he should apologize and deprecate himself as quickly as possible. Almost contradictory, but i find that trauma tends to inspire such a nature in people.

There's a lot of things about him that im starting to understand.

Ultimately he is a good kid and he does mean well. He does seem genuine and he can be very sweet. He's open minded and he pays attention when he's learning a new social cue, especially about boundaries. He's 18, so he's right at the age where i, and several other mentally fucked up people i knew, really started to understand the concept of boundaries. So i understand a bit what his processes are. I hope so at least. He's a young adult, formally acknowledged as a legal adult in some ways, and its a very, very formative time, mentally. Its a huge period of transition for him, of course. So boundaries very quickly become an important thing your brain realizes it needs to fully understand.

I remember how i was. I made a few minor mistakes and i learned from them, did research and actively pursued an understanding in boundaries. Its something i still struggle with due to my issue with understanding implicit cues. And ite still something i put work into, so its not an experience that is just in my past and im now disconnected with. Some of the way i react and learn, i can see in The Kid. So i think i can understand him a bit.

He's very smart. Obviously, he doesnt think so. Its a shame, cause he's very perceptive, even with his struggle with social cues. He's also not used to someone expressing genuine appreciation, interest, and pride in him and his well being. And that hurts my heart. While i was training him, i made sure to vocalize that i was indeed proud of him and how he was doing and he was soo uncomfortable with that at first. He just wasn't used to it at all, it seemed. I did feel like it was an important thing to stick to, cause he deserved to be shown that sorta respect and acknowledgement. He's definitely acclimated to it and he feels comfortable enough to come to me with his concerns about work.

And sometimes i just want to smother him in hugs, the way i do for my brother. My brother lived with my dad for several years, and had almost no physical contact with him during that time. Once he moved back in with us, he struggled to acclimate back to the constant physical affection that me, my mom and my sister show. After all these years now though, my brother cant get enough of it. So my brother will just lay in his bed, upset at something and i just get the terrible urge to lay on him and give him a bear hug, which i then proceed to do. I really dont feel that urge for anyone else. Im otherwise not fond of touching people outside of my family.

But i just want to give The Kid i work with all these bear hugs and goddammit i just wanna make sure he's okay. But i obviously dont, cause Boundaries are important, and its probably not something he could cope with right now. But its made me realize that he's really made an impression on me and i just want to show him that there are some people willing to be there for him.

He struggles with understanding boundaries, but he has his own very hardset boundaries, and i can recognize it in his physical expression. And im proud of him. He isnt aggressive, but he is sure in his boundaries and i am so damn proud of him for that.

So, im respecting his boundaries and he's slowly letting me in. He's comfortable with back pats now and im glad he trusts me thet much.

----

Time break up above. Holy shit. The Kid was closing tonight, and he called me multiple times and his last call he sounded frantic it was obvious he needed help. So, without telling him, i booked my ass to the store and i calmed him down and helped him close the store. Im so fucking sore and tired, but im glad he's okay. He is so hard on himself goddamit. When he starts talking about the shit he missed and how much trouble he'll be in, he wont listen to anyone trying to tell him to stop and that its okay. He just gets scared of getting in trouble.

Kid has had a rough life man. And man, im sorry he's had that.

He expressed gratitude this time when i helped him. Before, he expressed embarrasment and disappointment in himself, but this time he didnt. He told me 'thank you' with a pretty relieved smile. Im glad he trusts me enough to express that.

My mom teases me that im practically trying to adopt him as my little brother, and i am amused by it, but also somewhat uneasy. I have issues. Serious issues. I'm self aware of what my mental issues consist of, but i still struggle with being aware of how to catch when it is happening. I really dont think im the best role model, or the best person to give literally anyone on this earth any level of stability. I can barely take care of myself. So im uneasy with how my compassion for The Kid is becoming.

He's really touched my heart to be honest, and i hope, from the bottom of my heart, that things get better for him and he starts to experience and maintain stability.

But i know from past experience, that im the Wrong Person to come to for that. I can be a good co-worker, that is an absolute certainty. Beyond that? I honestly cant trust myself. But i just want the best for the kid, and i do want to help him and develop a positive friendship with him. I just am not sure how much i can do really. I worry about that. My mental functionality is pretty much fucked in a lot of ways and getting worse overtime, when it comes to taking care of myself.

Maybe im overthinking it. I probably am. But i have a hard time not doing so, with all my past experiences with people. Im unfortunately one of those people who used to give all of themselves to take care of others mental state. And it really, really fucked me up. I cant say im nice anymore. I dont make deep friendships anymore because i know how ive been in every past one. I give too much of myself. And it becomes a mess.

I dont think the Kid is one to take advantage of people. I think he may be similar to me in that aspect, to be honest, but im not sure. Idk, this Kid has just really, really made an impression on me and i genuinely want the best for him. I just worry about being a bad role model and being unable to moderate my issues enough. This kid is going through so much and i dont want to be an added messy figure in his life.

Its hard caring about other people.

Sorry about the long rambly post, i just have a lot of thoughts and feelings. Im not used to someone making such a quick impression on me.

[matthew-eleventhirty]

so i havent written in a while, maybe thats because what i found out was my worst nightmare. two years, almost two years. i was happy, you were happy i think. but when things started to go crazy you werent happy anymore. i wanna vomit thinking about what our lives used to be, what they used to feel like they were heading towards. but a month out of that, youre with a new girl. im so conflicted- to feel sad or to tell you to fuck off. this is one of the hardest things i had to do and everyone is treating me like im some fragile doll. i hate it, but i also just want someone to wake me up and tell me this was all a dream. yea you were really shitty during some times and i let a loooot slide, but it was all because i loved you. im sorry my friends wrang you out to dry, i didnt tell them to but i was really really appreciative that they did. the second they saw shit was going everywhere. it only makes sense for you to have been cheating on me. i mean, less than three weeks to find a girl, ask her to date you, go to the tree, then post it? you dont post pics with tinder dates...? so who is she? why didnt you tell me? why couldnt you just have been honest. that you wanted something different, that another girl caught your eye. its better to rip the bandaid off with me. but no i sat around freaking out trying my absolute hardest to give you what you wanted. i was nothing but amazing to you, patient with you, caring for you, trying to help you, trying to help you to help us. maybe youll never realize that and think im too pushy. but the words you used, the way you kissed me after. i it doesnt make sense. it doesnt add up. how could you do that to someone you loved, let alone a person. but you know what, everyones right you are a loser and a coward. but lets touch on another point. the means for breaking us up were: 1. no one knows me at school, i want to be more known 2. i just have so much to figure out, i need to be alone to do this 3. if you really love something let it go, if it loves you back itll come back. now mr. i think im going to law school please lets go over this. you 1. have a new girl who lives two towns over and from the looks of it doesnt go to st johns so thats gonna be even more difficult to get your name out there huh 2. YOU HAVE A NEW GIRL SO I GUESS THERE WASNT THAT MUCH TO FIGURE OUT and lastly my favorite 3. that is the cruelest thing you can do to someone- to give them hope when you know there is no reason to. your moms was right, youre not worth crying over. but hey guess all of them are going to be compared to me haha i love it. you played me bill there i said it you fucking played me but dont think for one moment that girl will stop you from freaking out or getting too aggressive dont think that she will have the patience for you when you cant come over or that plans are canceled or that your schedule is so busy dont think that she will care for you the same way i did by trying to help you unload some of that baggage. dont think youll ever have the same relationship with anyone after me. im special, im the whole fucking package and i come with a fucking bow. you missed out, but maybe giving you a chance to miss out was the worst thing i couldve done. you made me feel bad when you had to work extra shift to pay for some wimpy ass birthday gift. they were never wrapped and never as special as i wanted to feel. the only good gift was the ring. but i guess even thats a joke now. you really did a 180. i dont know who this guy is, hes not the person i dated. you were sweeter when you were broke. you were nicer without that fucking car. you were a better boyfriend when you didnt try looking like any other washed up teen spending their parents money to buy the next nicest thing so they post a pic to twitter just to get like 10 likes. you were a much better person and i dont think it was the depression, i think its because youre not able to be your own person. you need to follow trends (and yes by being the first in line to get some weird blue floral print shorts is you following a trend) you needed to have the nicest car but that car isnt even paid for by you. that insurance on those things are so high. your poor parents. i cant believe you really need the nastiest human being on the world just to look like a dumb ass faker. you ugly fuck. i hope she realizes what a fucking prick you are. i cant believe you changed. you were a sweet boy but i was right on the 4th and i was still right in newport and i was right when i told you after we broke up. everything needs to be your way or no way. you needed to play a stupid game with too many rules to show my family you drink we dont care i wanted to spend time with my friend. you really couldnt have let me walk through the stores because you wanted to buy an ugly ass sweatshirt. youre mom called you out on it. you couldnt talk to me when i desperately needed to when i felt like nothing but a shell and would cry myself to sleep and throw up because i cant keep anything down not even coffee. but dont worry because i came out stronger and i will continue to be better because one thing i hope you picked up about me is that i need to be the best, the very top, the prime example for fun and brains. i need to be that. so i will be that, and you will be so far behind it would take you decades to get to where i wouldve been in two years. i hope you realize you are a fucking idiot. and i hope one day i can learn a thing or two from you imbeciles. because im gonna have the best time ever and enjoy being single and enjoy my achievements while you bury yourself in debt. hope you marry rich because at the pace youre going, you wont have a great paying job until your 50s. and the debt youll have no thankyou. i understand college is a rollercoaster and its frustrating to try to find your path but dude, a lawyer... during the third year of your four year scholarship? idiot, might as well just buy a bunch of shit on your credit card and hope it goes away. my next thing to look for is stability, if the people who i am talking to mention a job and aspirations and a plan as to how to work things out and talks about how he knows what he enjoys and has a good relationship with his parents and knows what he needs to do and when to do it. i need a man. i need someone who can and will pick me up just to swing me around his shoulder. i need a man. i need someone who will make me stronger and wiser. i need someone who will want to see me grow and not expect for me to help them get through non- challenging things like organization. you having depression is different. thats when you could expect me to help you. but dear lord, give me the strength to get through this and lord please give me the knowledge to recognize these things fast and to confront them and to know to stand down. lord give me the patience to succeed and to help me heal properly, lord give me the guidance to come out better than ever. life is tricky and its only just begun. i might hold on to this.