#hes been conked out on the couch for FOUR HOURS

[spearxwind]

i really cant underestimate how much miguel sleeps holy fuck

[dadvans]

heavy loads

2.6k of self-indulgent lactation!kink bucktommy for @rcmclachlan based on baby probie-verse, where bucktommy have a whoops baby

It wasn’t a shock to find Evan, up from his nap, in the laundry room when Tommy got home from running errands. Tommy went to go peek in on Nora—still Probie to the 118 and Miss Nora to Evan’s parents and sister, a toss up between those and Mashed Potato or Babygirl between Evan and Tommy, or Miss Piggy when she was feeding and Evan thought he was out of earshot—who was conked out in her crib. He silently snuck back from her crib to return to Evan in the laundry room and ask if he needed any help.

Four weeks and some change since bringing Nora into the world, and it was laundry out of everything that had become the main Sisyphean task to own their lives. They’d given up on cloth diapers almost immediately, but between spit-ups and changes and their basic day-to-day, it felt like there was constant, never-ceasing mountain of laundry. And Evan kept leaking.

He’d always had well-defined pecs before getting pregnant, but now he had full on tits. Just perfect handfuls, in Tommy’s opinion, but after the first few weeks the only time he wasn’t complaining about them was when he was feeding Nora.

When he was feeding Nora, all frustration or anxiety melted away into dopey bliss. Evan loved that his body was producing something good for someone else, sustaining life. “S’what I was made for,” he would say, blinking sleepily down at Nora who made sweet, little noises as she tried to suck him dry. It was a welcome difference from the weeks leading up to her arrival, when he’d been so nervous, voice shaky as he worried out loud about faulty parts, that his body wouldn’t make enough or that she wouldn’t latch, right up until she did there in the hospital on the first try.

“Babygirl’s still snoozing,” Tommy said, stuffing a hand in Evan’s back pocket while Evan leaned down to catch some stray wet socks for the dryer. “You need any help?”

Evan made a familiar disgruntled noise at the back of his throat, which meant he didn’t want to ask, but yes. So, Tommy squeezed his ass twice through the denim in a way that meant move. Evan rolled up, tossed the socks in and slammed the dryer door a little too quickly before scooting to the side. His emotions had always run high, Tommy knew, and the hormones during pregnancy and now made him even quicker to anger. In all honesty, Tommy still had to check himself when feeling annoyed about it, but it helped now when Evan twisted to let Tommy’s hand slide out of his pocket and catch on his hip. So,

“Hey,” Tommy said instead. “Hey.”

“We need to do, uh, sheets. Again,” Evan clarified, jaw tight, waving at the still-full hamper and half-emptied washing machine. He smiled like it hurt. “Passed out for a half hour and I totally soaked through them again. And I know I could leave it, let it dry, I’m putting a towel down anyway, but we already had a full load—“

“Evan.” Tommy didn’t shut him up with a kiss, but with a gentle squeeze. He’d found out that Evan’s tendency to pass out face down and sprawled out on any surface had not been fixed, but had simply laid dormant while he was pregnant, and he was up to his old habits again, which now had consequences. “I’ll take over in here. I grabbed you some more of those prebiotic sodas you’re obsessed with, if you want one.”

Evan softened.  “Ginger lime?”

“Yeah, baby, ginger lime.” Tommy gave him another squeeze. “So, get out of here and try not to give yourself heartburn while I finish loading the rest, okay?”

He finished loading the wash, and—poor baby, he thought—the sheets really were soaked through already. Both machines going, he closed the door behind him as he left and for one blissful second got to enjoy the sight of Evan settling down on the living room couch with his soda before Nora’s crying from the next room cracked through the silence like thunder.

Evan sighed, and he instantly crossed his arms across his chest, tilting his head back for a second with his eyes closed. The soda can in his hand crinkled in his grip before his wrist went limp.

Before Tommy could offer, Evan said, “Trust me. I got this one.”

xx

Tommy started re-making their bed late evening. Evan came in after leading Nora’s nighttime ritual, slingshotting his nursing tank from the doorway into the hamper, before finding a clean one in the dresser. Instead of tight, elastic straps that he could work loose, it had thicker, ribbed tank straps and deep, henley collar that he probably knew Tommy liked seeing him in. He walked into the master bathroom half-blind trying to slip it on over his head.

“You know,” he called out only to come back a few seconds later, still straightening himself out at the hem and carrying a ragged towel that he flipped over his side of the bed, “you know I think it’s cool that my body knows how to make food for our kid.”

“It’s very cool,” Tommy agreed, no-nonsense. He threw one side of their duvet over to Evan so they could snap it over the bed and peel it back evenly on each side.

Evan flopped himself on top of his towel face up the second they were done, kicking his own feet down to get his calves under the covers. “Well, lately I’m starting to feel like it doesn’t know how to stop, and I’m going to be like this forever. A leaky mess.”

Tommy crawled into bed next to him and leaned over to press a kiss to the meat of his shoulder. “I’m sorry about your tits, baby. Anything I can do?”

His mouth grazed down the strap of Evan’s nursing tank and something deep in his gut began to uncoil as Evan’s breath hitched in response. Instinctively, he pressed another kiss lower, near the crease of his armpit, and Evan shuddered on the exhale.

“You’re playing with fire,” he warned.

Tommy smiled against his warm skin, eyes beating closed. “Good thing we’re both firefighters, then.”

Evan laughed.

“Fuck, I’m serious!” He said, first fond and then softer, “Really. I’m serious, though. If you were. Curious, I mean. Go for it. There’s always a little something left in the tank.”

Tommy hummed. Eyes still closed, he could feel the way Evan shifted underneath him to wrap an arm around Tommy’s shoulder and get a palm at the nape of his neck, fingers tracing up through his hair. Ready to cradle him like that, hold him there, if he wanted.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’ve already thought about it,” Evan continued. “I’ve thought about it, maybe a lot.”

“Jesus, Evan.” Tommy nipped at his shoulder again, just to tease, but found himself curling into Evan’s hold, reaching up to snap open the collar of his tank and slide his hand underneath to cup at Evan’s pec, which fit perfectly in his palm and sat soft and ready below his chin. His thumb stroked over the nipple, fatter and perkier than ever since Nora’d arrived, and Evan sank back against his body in return. “You gonna feed me?”

“Y-yeah.” Evan sounded shaky but so sure. His fingers in Tommy’s hair curled into a soft grip. “God, help me out, Tommy, please let me feed you.”

Tommy hummed. “Okay. C’mere, baby, I got you.”

It was so easy, taking Evan’s fat tit into his mouth, Evan’s grip in his hair growing tighter while the rest of him went practically boneless. Another shaky breath and then Evan made a noise, half-whimper, half moan, that went straight to Tommy’s dick.

“Need you to take it deeper. Open, open, oh—God, your mouth is so big. Stay there, like that, yeah,” Evan said, hushed, almost reverent, as Tommy adjusted his latch and started putting his tongue to work.

He licked up, chasing Evan’s nipple, trying to tease his milk out. Swallowed around him and threw an arm over Evan’s lap to keep him in place when he started to squirm, thrilled to feel the way Evan shifted as his heels started to dig into the mattress, getting hard, dick pressing up against Tommy’s forearm.

And there it was, suddenly, Evan’s milk streaming into his mouth. Creamy and sweet, like the leftover dregs of Saturday morning cereal when he was a kid, hitting his tongue in little hiccup spurts. He almost choked at the sensation and felt a little slip out the corner of his mouth, and Evan’s grip tightened at the base of his scalp again, holding him there.

Their sex life hadn’t suffered even in the past few weeks, not in the way Tommy thought back on many of his old guard colleagues at the 118 talking about—dead bedrooms, wives like cold fish ever since they popped out a kid for some reason. But between Evan’s body needing the time to heal and the recent arrival of a tiny drill sergeant who demanded to be fed, held, changed and bathed at regularly irregular frequencies, opportunities to be intimate with each other had been few and far between. Tommy wasn’t complaining, but the sheer wave of niceness he felt now—being this close and familiar with Evan felt just as good as the first hit of a dilaudid drip in the back of an ambulance, made his toes curl against their fresh sheets as he swallowed.

“Missed your mouth on me,” Evan sighed, clearly also feeling some kind of way. “Shit, that’s nice. Different, but good.”

His dick was more insistent against Tommy’s arm now, the head eagerly tenting the thin cotton of his boxers.

Tommy finally took pity on him and tugged Evan out through the slit in his boxers, lips slipping loose to murmur,  “Yes, hi, hello to you too.”

He licked his hand milk wet and returned his grip to stroke Evan and squeeze a little mean at the tip, the way that Evan loved, the way that made Evan pant and whine, before he resumed suckling. There was something meditative about Evan rocking into his hand and against his tongue, and Tommy found himself soothed by the give and take of his body, their natural rhythm together punctuated by Evan’s swallowed back noises.

“Okay?” Tommy asked, mouth full.

“Uh-huh.” Evan sighed, breath pitchy. “Starting to soak through my other side without my Haakaa.”

Tommy hummed, and licked a broad stripe up his nipple to his collarbone, biting there softly. “You want me to go get your Haakaa, baby?”

“Nah, I have a better idea,” Evan replied. He untangled himself from Tommy’s grip and carefully twisted to throw one long leg over Tommy’s thighs. “Hey, handsome.”

“Evan,” Tommy warned. They were supposed to be limiting the kind of sex they were having for at least two more weeks.

Evan worked the other side of his tank down his chest so both of his tits were exposed, rubbing at the neglected nipple. “I just want to continue what we started. Nothing else. C’mon. No funny business.”

“Maybe a little funny business,” Tommy murmured as he watched milk dribble out over Evan’s fingers. He leaned in to chase the wet line up Evan’s knuckles with his tongue and suck a hot-breathed open-mouthed kiss to Evan nipple before pulling away. Evan groaned and rocked forward, chasing him in response, which almost had Tommy laughing. “Hey, gimme a sec. I’m grabbing you some lube.”

“Me?”

Tommy, halfway stretched back reaching for the bedside table, gave an unimpressed glance down at where Evan’s hard dick still curved up through the slit in his boxers, plummy head drooling precome against the tent in Tommy’s own sleep pants. Then he went back to digging the lube out of the drawer, practiced hands making quick work with it until he was wrapping a slick palm around Evan’s dick.

“That’s right, said I was gonna take care of you.” He sidled back up against the headboard, and Evan shifted with him practiced and familiar, until Tommy’s hand was stroking him, snug and slippery between them. Licking another long, thick line up the small swell of Evan’s breast, Tommy said, “And you’ll take care of me.”

He pulled Evan back into his mouth, and something uncoiled in his gut as Evan’s milk hit the back of his tongue again. His eyes fluttered closed. Years together and Evan’s body was still finding new things to give, new ways to taste, sweet and warm like the rest of him, dripping down Tommy’s throat.

“Oh.” Evan’s voice was weak and pitchy, and he brought both hands back up to curl in Tommy’s hair and hold him there while Tommy continued to suck and let Evan fuck into his fist.

His stomach was soft against Tommy’s knuckles, recently tender enough that Tommy tried to get his free hand on Evan’s hip to control the roll of his hips, opting for a sluggish grind and tighter grip. In the past nine months and change Evan had ridden him, sure, actually ridden him, but more recently he’d had a belly full of their kid in the way, so it was always reverse cowboy, and not this level of skin on skin closeness right in his lap. Evan flush against him now was a reminder of their first several months together when they used a little more strength to push each other around and hold each other down and Tommy, mouth full, felt so hungry for it.

“Can’t wait to have you inside me again,” Evan said, like he could read Tommy’s mind.

Tommy moaned and swallowed in response, tongued at Evan’s nipple like he was begging for more. He could feel Evan’s dick throb hot, heavier now in response, the grinding rock of his hips going a little sloppy.

“Baby,” Evan said, right on cue, “I’m going to come.”

The hands in Tommy’s hair tugged back, Tommy’s mouth dragged away and up with a slick noise to be guided in for a kiss, milk slipping from the corners, passed between the two of them as Evan came, shuddering on top of him. Vaguely he felt Evan’s come seep through his tank and sleep pants, already damp with lube and sweat. He was defenseless against it as Evan kept kissing him through his orgasm, licking into him sloppy and greedy for what felt like an hour, big hands and long arms slowly sliding down to where Tommy was still achingly hard. His fingers curled into the elastic waistband to clumsily peel back what he could without moving to pull Tommy out into his own familiar grip.

“Evan,” Tommy said against his mouth, almost breathless with it.

“Let me.” Evan leaned back to spit on his own hand, equal parts too lazy and restless to grab the lube that was right there, but Tommy had been riding the edge practically from the start. He was so goddamn spoiled already.

Evan touched him like he knew, jerking him off hard and quick.

“Next time,” he continued, “next time we do this, you lay me down and I’ll let you jerk off all over my tits.”

Tommy came hard with an ugly noise, like it was ripped up his throat. His head kicked back and Evan laughed, smug, leaning in to kiss the noise down, their teeth clacking together instead. He body felt weightless, Evan’s weight on him the only thing keeping him from floating up to the ceiling.

“Jesus,” he said, eventually.

Evan hummed, settling back. He looked sleepy, and satisfied, and so pleased with himself. “Yeah? You good? Get your fill?”

“And then some,” Tommy replied, feeling half drunk. “You good?”

“Great,” Evan said, glancing between them. Both their clean shirts were soaked through in places. Tommy needed to grab a new pair of pants. “But I'll be even better if you take care of the laundry.”

[laswells-ashtray]

Sleepy 141 and co?

Instead of writing it as like a story, I'm just describing each of them at their sleepiest because it offers me more descriptiveness.

Price is always tired, to him the sheer weight of being alive is exhausting. But genuinely sleepy John becomes very quiet and he wishes everyone around him would do the fucking same. He'll sit filling out paperwork and when the blinks start to become the gateway into an involuntary nap he'll put on music to try and keep him awake with the noise. Around 40 minutes later Nikolai walks into his office to find John's face smushed into what is undoubtedly an important document as he snores and Nine Inch Nail's wax poetic about obsession in the horniest way possible in the background.

Ghost is used to being tired on missions but something about being back on base acts as a fucked up sense of comfort that turns him into a sleepy kitten. He just wants to find someone close to him, headbutt their chest and fall asleep. The 141 have their own little downtime room, Price claimed it under the guise of using it for important/ classified "no one can see" nonsense and they use it as a glorified living room. If Soap, Gaz or even Price is in there and sitting on the couch then he will just lie on their chest and conk the fuck out. Soap will just nap under him, Gaz will use his shoulders to rest his phone as he watches a YouTube video and Price will just rest the mug of the coffee he's probably drinking on Ghost's back. To be napped on by Ghost is an honour.

Soap is a sleep anywhere typa guy, if he's tired and can't be fucked walking all the way back to his room then he will just sit at a table with his head in his arms and nap. It hurts his back, it hurts his neck and it leaves his arms numb. He will not stop doing it. If you're sitting at the table with him talking then he will just wait for a break in the conversation to tell you he's going to nap and then get comfy before you can respond. Shameless napper. Also if you catch him at his sleepiest then his words are indecipherable.

Gaz is an "I'm not that tired" followed by an accidental 7-hour nap person. He never actually feels tired but if he closes his eyes then it's over. If they're in the heli coming back from a mission, he'll make a comment about how he's feeling surprisingly awake and then four and a half minutes later he's asleep like one of those babies that's soothed by being in the back of a car. He actually was one of those babies, if you wanted to get Kyle to sleep from birth to the age of six then you just put him in the back of a car and went on a ten-minute drive.

Nikolai, as I have said and stand by, is a cat. He's tired? Sorry, John is busy. Then he's nuzzling his face into that Englishman's chest until he's asleep. He's one sleepy day away from purring. He's naturally affectionate but when he's tired he's so close to John that you'd think that separating them would require surgery. John makes the mistake of trying to get up? Nuh uh, just because he's mostly unconscious it doesn't mean that he isn't just as strong. The captain isn't moving his pale English arse until Nik feels like it.

Laswell can function well while tired, plays it off almost expertly or so she thinks. She does not, she is so easily irritable when she's sleepy. If you aren't her wife, you're an enemy. She will kill. Even Shepard learned that there are limits to how much Kate will take when she's sleep-deprived. He got too snippy with her one time and she asked how his wife had been doing. He was newly divorced and Kate knew. But with her wife? She comes home while sleepy and finds her wife in the kitchen, by the time her wife is done cooking Kate is almost asleep standing against her back with her arms around her wife's waist. By the time her wife hauls her into bed, Kate is out of it. She gets her head on her wife's chest? She's out like a light.

Alejandro is so much more likely to agree to something while tired. He's less likely to get annoyed at rookies for mistakes, he'll just wave them away without a second thought. If you need him to say yes to something, ask when he's tired. Rudy is like two days away from getting him to sleepily agree to get a cat. He's also less likely to remember any conversation he has after a certain point of tiredness. Will agree to an entire day's worth of activities and only remember the next day when he's shown proof, a video where he does in fact agree to these things. Damn it.

Rudy's vocabulary is reduced to uh huh and vague grunts of agreement when he's tired. It's a language that only Alejandro truly understands. Soap asks him a question once when he's tired and Rudy just makes a noise back. Alejandro, without so much as looking up from his phone, translates. "Not tomorrow, he's doing one-on-one training with someone who's just back after being off with an injury but he can do it after three the next day." Rudy is a big fan of just smashing his face into a pillow and blocking out the world around him when tired but unsurprisingly he ends up asleep almost every time.

[ladywaffles]

humpback whales

mavdad + whales: a discord prompt written for @nicejobkid

So here’s the thing.

Bradley Bradshaw was all of eighteen years old with a head full of exactly jackshit nothing when he left Maverick and Iceman’s house on the end of the street. He didn’t know a goddamn thing about being an adult, even if he claimed otherwise. He left behind an entire life: baby pictures and journals and reels of home videos.

He really did think leaving was the only choice he had. In hindsight, it’s the dumbest thing he’s ever done.

On the one hand, he knew it would be fine. The Navy always provides. He got three square meals a day at Basic and an annual physical that he always aced, thanks to a lifetime of playing baseball and racing Maverick around the diamond. His old man had no right sprinting that fast.

But then there’s the other hand: the calendar of shots and immunizations a teenage boy going off to college required, the yearly appointments with an optometrist, a dermatologist, and most crucially of all, a dentist.

Bradley, Iceman always said, was blessed in that he didn’t take after either Goose or Maverick, both of whom had terrible teeth. Their x-rays were surely some kind of dental case study in a textbook somewhere. But Bradley had taken after his mother and Iceman, in this regard: his teeth all came in like ducks in a row, pearly white like ivory piano keys.

Maybe it was just bad timing, maybe it was because his teeth were just that good, but when he enlisted, no one bothered to ask Ensign Bradshaw if he’d ever had his wisdom teeth out.

So fifteen years later, with a toothache so bad it’s finally driven him to the clinic—and isn’t that embarrassing, to survive Maverick Mitchell’s particular brand of insanity, an ejection out of an F-18, a dogfight in a jet that had no business being in the air, and a (controlled!) crash landing, only to be done in by a goddamn toothache—Lieutenant Bradley Bradshaw, aged thirty-four, with his newly re-acquired father in tow, has his wisdom teeth removed.

They don’t hook him up with an IV, thank goodness. Instead, they give Maverick a packet of pills to make Bradley take an hour before surgery that will supposedly knock him out for the duration.

As a member of the F-18 Ejection Club, Bradley’s been on the good shit for the past few months. He has sincere doubts about these pills.

“Bottoms up, kiddo,” Maverick tells him, pushing the pills towards him with a cup of coffee. It’s the same mug he gave Maverick for Father’s Day when he was ten years old.

“You’re the worst,” Bradley says, swallowing the pills in one go with a scalding hot gulp.

Later, Maverick will laugh at him over the dinner table as he recounts to Ice what exactly happened when Bradley had his wisdom teeth out. (He really shouldn’t have doubted those pills.)

The meds hit about fifteen minutes after he takes them. It falls to Maverick, all five-foot-and-change of him, to wrangle six-foot-oh of Bradley into the Bronco, strap him in, and haul him back out into the dentist’s office. He vaguely remembers being wheeled into one of the surgery rooms and led to sit on the chair, falling asleep, and then waking up to the dentist telling him they’d finished taking his teeth and they just needed to stitch him up.

He immediately bursts into tears—he hates stitches more than anything—and then conks straight out again.

He doesn’t really remember getting home, only that the next time he wakes up, he’s back in Maverick and Ice’s house, laid out on the couch. Maverick is whistling in the kitchen. He’d covered Bradley with an old blanket. A smart move on his part; Bradley drooled on it in his sleep.

Maverick comes back into the room with two bowls of very boring chicken broth.

“Good morning!” he teases. “I didn’t know you were such a lightweight, ducky!”

“Yuh’re de wurst,” Bradley gums through the cotton gauze in his mouth.

Mav hands him a bowl and a spoon. The broth is barely hot. Gross. He looks up at Maverick with the same baleful expression he used to get dessert before dinner as a kid, but Maverick just laughs at him.

“No dice here, Brads. You’re not getting anything hotter, unless you wanna get your stitches replaced.”

Bradley rolls his eyes and slurps his lukewarm soup.

Maverick flips on the TV. He turns on a nature documentary on humpback whales, then kicks his feet up onto the coffee table, the exact way that Bradley knows Ice doesn’t let him.

He can see straight through Maverick. It’s the same routine he used to do when Bradley would stay home from school sick. Animal Planet never failed to knock him out. It was more effective than anything else at getting him to sleep.

But this time, Bradley finds himself staying awake as he watches this otherwise ordinary whale documentary with Maverick sitting next to him on the couch. He’s an adult now, but Maverick is treating him as if no time has passed. There’s no resentment, no blame, for all the pain he’d caused his father.

He missed moments like this, in the years they spent apart. He’d almost forgotten how nice it was to have someone to care for you.

In the end, Bradley stays awake for the whole movie. It’s Maverick who falls asleep, his head lolling to the side to rest on Bradley’s shoulder. It’s not such a bad place to be, Bradley thinks to himself, trapped on a cozy couch with his dad.

He hits play on the documentary again and settles in closer to Maverick. The whales are pretty cool, after all.

[rosieblogstuff]

Mac started spiraling the minute Jack walked out that door without him to hunt Kovac. Now he’s dealing with the new partner he didn’t ask for in a job that suddenly feels all wrong.

Cairo Day 2023 Day 7: The Worst Things

------------

February 22, 2019

Mac blinks at the bedside clock, waiting for his sleep-sticky eyes to focus on the numbers. Four twenty-two am. He’d been hoping it was later, even though he knew it wouldn't be.

Sleep has been elusive since Jack left, but for the first few days, he’d managed to fool his brain well enough to get in five or six hours a night, even if he spent the rest of the time tossing and turning.

But ever since he found Desi in his bedroom, even that is gone. Now it’s usually an hour and a half, maybe two, and only after laying awake for at least that long. He’s been laying here since eleven this time, and now he is simultaneously wide awake and half asleep, brain racing and too tired to think properly.

He usually sleeps badly after a tough mission, especially if it drags up memories of the past along with it. The night of the wedding he’d conked out on the bed in Jack’s hotel room, knowing he’d probably wake up at some point seeing Riley’s too-still form laid out on a silver countertop. He’d known that, and he’d known Jack would be there to shake him awake before it got worse, and listen to his middle-of-the-night fears. In the dark, half-asleep, that’s the only time he ever lets himself fall apart like that.

But he wishes he’d said something then to Jack about this Kovac mission. He wished he’d asked Jack to stay. He wishes he’d told Jack how he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to handle doing this job without him, instead of just boxing up his fears and telling himself not to be selfish, telling Jack he’d be okay. He should have asked Jack not to leave, instead.

Because he isn’t sure he’ll be okay.

Two weeks ago if he’d gone two nights like this, he’d have invited himself over to sleep on Jack’s couch. Now he wonders if he’ll ever sleep right again.

(here's a link to the rest of the angiest thing I've ever inflicted upon you)

@macgyvercairo

[gallavich-headcanon]

Reappears days later with *checks cup* cold black coffee leftover from this morning to talk more Galladads

Ian and Mickey no speaking for two days??? with their co-dependency? I don't buy it. - ohhoho I do think they talk, of course they do, it’s them, but I think Mickey is a little unsure of how Ian is gonna take the appearance of four kids so he just…doesn’t mention it yet. Ian will be home soon and then they can talk it over so why borrow trouble? Mickey is like 78% sure it’s gonna be fine so what does it matter? Like I imagine this whole thing started as a test run for Mickey anyway

He doesn’t tell Ian that Tony is dropping off a toddler for a couple of days because Mickey wants to make sure he can do this before telling Ian bc Ian will take one look at the kid and his ovaries are gonna weep or some shit (“I don’t have ovaries, Mick.”) and that’ll be that but Mickey doesn’t wanna get Ian’s hopes up unless he knows he can do this. So. Ian and Lip are going to Florida for a weekend to do something for Fiona, which gives Mickey plenty of time to test drive this whole baby thing.

And it goes…good, actually. The kid’s not quite one and a half and small enough to just pick up and move when needed. She can’t work doors yet, or reach the stove, but she can point at things she wants and make word-like sounds to tell him when she’s hungry or bored or whatever. Once he realizes “Ba” means bottle, “na” means no, and “ya” means basically everything else, they’re kinda golden. Mickey gives her some red plastic cups to play with and she’s occupied for a couple of hours just stacking the things up and knocking them over. Easy. He texts Tony that he’s keeping her and it’s done. Mickey can’t wait to see the soft, dopey look on Ian’s face when he opens the door holding their little girl. That’s late Saturday afternoon.

Ten o’clock Saturday night, after Mickey’s figured out how to put the bed thing Tony dropped off together and the little one’s conked out, he’s just got off the phone with Ian and had to physically bite his lips not the ruin the damn surprise when there’s a knock on the door. It’s Colin’s girlfriend, or is it ex-girlfriend? (Colin got life for armed robbery while Mickey was in Mexico and Mick’s not 100% sure where Natalia stands on commitment) It’s Natalia and two kids about Franny’s age, boys he thinks, and a couple of suspiciously large garbage bags that Mickey will quickly learn is filled with toys, random clothes, and a file folder containing highly illegal fake birth certificates with his name on them. Mickey whisper argues with Natalia for a good twenty minutes but then the toddler wakes up and in the time it takes him to go grab her from the bedroom and come back, Natalia’s gone and the boys are yawning on the couch. Sucker punched. It’s too late to do anything so the boys get set up on the couch, the little one goes back in the bedroom and Mickey gets a beer. He thinks about texting Iggy, the only one who stays in contact with Colin (who the fuck gets arrested in Iowa?) but it’s late so he texts Ian g’night and goes to bed. He’ll figure it out in the morning.

The morning brings a text from Ian saying they’re about to board the plane again and the airport reception is shitty which is probably a good thing because it means Mickey doesn’t have to figure out how to get three kids to shut the fuck up while he’s on the phone. Breakfast is a hassle but the boys can talk at least, and there was a box of Cocoa Puffs in one of the garbage bags so at least everybody eats. (If Ian had been there, he might have cautioned against pure sugar for breakfast, especially since Mickey let them have soda as well but Ian is dealing with air travel and gate changes and Lip so he has his own problems.)

The sugar high is rough going but Mickey’s got this. It’s a bit like dealing with Franny mixed with being in jail. The trick is to make everybody think you’re on their side. Your brother stole your action figure? Let’s get him. The little one starts crying when she can’t run as fast as the boys? Cool, nobody’s allowed to run. Hey, look, cartoons! By lunch, all three are passed out on the floor watching some brightly colored show and Mickey’s ordered pizza and chicken poppers for lunch. He’s got this. Ian might be a little thrown by three kids instead of one but eh, they’re both from big families. They can cram some bunk beds at the end of the hallway if they take the door off the hall closet. What little boys don’t like bunk beds? The surprise is still on.

The knock on the door isn’t the pizza however. It’s a milk crate. Specifically a milk crate of formula, diapers, and tiny tiny clothes with the smallest baby Mickey’s ever seen balanced on top. She’s tiny enough that when Mickey picks her up he can cup her head in one hand and she lays neatly along his arm, minuscule toes just barely reaching the crook of his elbow. Ian could probably hold her in one giant paw alone. Mickey feels like he’s gonna break her if he thinks too hard. This is an actual baby. A baby-baby. She can’t say “Ba” when she’s hungry or point at the tv when she’s bored. She can’t loudly announce she has to go potty or yell “me first!” and try and beat her brother to the john. She needs him to do all that for her, to know all that, to be good at all that and Mickey is terrified.

But she starts to fuss, just gentle little sounds, and one itty bitty hand flails out and he catches it without thinking. Tiny fingers latch on to his bigger one and squeeze tight, grip much stronger than he’d have guessed, and holy shit, she’s settling down again, seemingly just needing to hold on to Mickey to know she’s okay.

He kicks the crate inside and sits at the table, gingerly laying her down on it in front of him. She looks like Joey a bit, meaning she looks like Mandy too, both of them looking more like Laura than Terry or Terry’s brother Sam. He eases off the stained pink cap and sees a shock of black hair. The boys have Colin’s dirty blond curls, and the little one must have gotten her mom’s reddish-brown locks but the baby has the same jet black hair Mickey does. He blows out a breath and the baby scrunches her nose up.

Someone knocks on the door again, pizza this time, thank god, and then the boys are awake and demanding ketchup for the chicken and burning their mouths on the pizza even though Mickey told them to wait, damn it, and the little one is reaching small hands up onto the counter for “Ba! Ba!” and in the chaos, Mickey doesn’t hear his text alert go off once, twice, four times as Ian’s messages come through that they’re ‘delayed but okay’ and ‘want Chinese for dinner’ and ‘hey everything okay?’

Somewhere between shutting down a ketchup fight, eating two bits of pizza himself, and taking the batteries out of the remote so the little one stops pressing random buttons while the boys yell about Transformers, he googles how to change a diaper and then has to clean up pee off the table when the baby decides she just can’t wait for a new one. Mickey shoots Ian a thumbs up before he tosses the phone onto the top of the fridge because Nicky and Tommy might not know what “don’t wake the baby or she’ll scream” means but they absolutely know what an iPhone is and they wanna play with his every time they catch sight of it. Mickey feels like maybe he never gave Fiona enough credit because he’s about ready to go back to prison but at least he’s not trying to raise Carl.

He misses Ian’s call when they land, misses the ‘on the way home’ text, misses Lip’s ‘yo Ian’s doing that thing where he’s not worried but he’s worried, ya wanna answer your phone’ message. Turns out feeding a baby includes burping a baby or they just puke it back up. Also she may be unbelievable small but the baby must be 90% lungs because when she decides she’s not happy, she makes damn sure everybody’s knows it. The baby crying sets off the little one crying, and the boys don’t cry but they do start fighting each other for no visible reason so Mickey kinda has his hands full.

More cartoons, more pizza, and a bold-faced lie about being out of soda gets Mickey to four o’clock Sunday by the skin of his teeth. There’s another knock on the door and if there’s anyone under the age of sixteen on the other side, Mickey’s going to Canada, because fuck it.

The person on the other side is Mickey’s definitely over sixteen husband. He looks tired and frowny and he’s holding a bag of fried rice and egg rolls and if Mickey were a different man, he call him an angel but this Mickey has had to piss since the Great Diaper Blowout of 2 PM so he just (gently) thrusts the thankfully happy baby at his husband and makes a beeline for the bathroom and it’s locking door.

He hopes Ian brought enough egg rolls.

(Look what you made me do, does this count as fic? Lol 🦖)

HOLY FUCK 🦖 ANON I am speechless!

1,631 words 8,643 characters

(“I don’t have ovaries, Mick.”)-> cracked me up!

So just Tony's toddler at first. He can handle her. Maybe he doesn't even think Tony is really going to leave them forever you know, maybe Mickey thinks he might change his mind in a couple of days, you know? No need to freak Ian out for no reason if Tony will come back tomorrow, right?

Then he got Colin's two boys, Nicky and Tommy, around Franny's age. Okay. At least Franny will have kids her age to play with for once. Awesome.

there was a box of Cocoa Puffs in one of the garbage bags so at least everybody eats. -> 🦖 ANON this is too fucking funny. For no reason.

The trick is to make everybody think you’re on their side. -> Mickey is smart like that! He is a surviver!

The knock on the door isn’t the pizza however. It’s the smallest baby girl Mickey’s ever seen. -> oh oh! Well at least Mickey had some practice with newborns when he raised Yevgeny (or is there no Yevgeny in this AU?) Wait- is the baby Mandy's or Joey's? this is so stressful and the babies aren't even mine!

Lip’s ‘yo Ian’s doing that thing where he’s not worried but he’s worried, ya wanna answer your phone’ message -> this is the most canon thing ever.

Ian showing up, gets handed a baby, finding 3 kids in his living room and his husband just ran off. Ian is a better person than I am, because I would walk right out of that mess and eat my fucking spring rolls on the way back to the airport.

This is literally a mini fic. A solid one shot. I have just received a one-shot in my inbox. I love my life.

[captain-daryn]

Now I’m picturing the first real fight that Bruce and Jason have when Jason comes back. It’s been a while, and they are a little more comfortable with each other than before when he first came back. Jason did something stupid on patrol and Bruce calls him out for it during their debrief in the cave afterward.

Except Jason is tired. He’s so tired. He just wants to go to bed and forget tonight ever happened. When Bruce strikes a nerve, he stands up to argue and his voice cracks and his eyes water before he can stop himself. And Bruce crumbles so quickly, everyone else is too surprised to say anything.

It’s easy to forget how things used to be, but suddenly Bruce wants nothing more than to scoop Jason up and hold him again, like he’s only four-foot-tall and missing a couple baby teeth. Not a six-foot-something man who is now mortified that he has cried in front of his siblings.

If Alfred finds them in one of the smaller libraries a few hours later, conked out in the couch with Jason’s head on Bruce’s shoulder, some mugs of hot coco cooling on the table, and a book that has fallen out of Bruce’s hand into his lap, he won’t say anything. He just covers them with a blanket carefully and goes about the rest of his nightly duties.

He doesn’t even blink when there’s a new order of books for the library the next morning on the porch.

when he was robin, bruce could never even slightly raise his voice at jason before feeling like the biggest asshole alive because jason's eyes would get all watery and his bottom lip would tremble and he'd tug on the ends of his shirt, all while looking up at bruce. he'd give a quiet snotty sniffle that should gross bruce out but instead makes bruce's heart SHATTER.

every morning after a fight, alfred would walk into the living room to call them both to eat and he'd just see jason in his dad's lap, giggling while driving a toy car up bruce's arm with a million new toys scattered around the room. bruce sits there with his head tossed back, eyes closed, and an abandoned newspaper in his left hand (he's half asleep bc he spent the entire night ordering shit). he also has glittery stickers pasted on any area of bare skin, including his face.

i don't think jason realizes he has this power. he's just genuinely a kid who gets very emotional when an adult gets cross with him (bc hello this caretaker child would not be able to hand that). any fight with bruce or alfred, he has to fight the urge to burst into tears so hard (he doesn't wanna be a burden) that he just ends up looking heartbreakingly upset, and more like a child than bruce has ever seen him.

[blushweddinggowns]

Eddie was sulking. He had a bad day at work and his boyfriend was miles away without access to a phone.

He took a sip of his beer, lazily watching the news while bored out of his mind. Maybe subjecting himself to the horrors of the great outdoors would have been worth it after all, even with Robin’s no-sex rule.

He groaned when the phone rang, completely not in the mood to speak to anyone. But their voicemail box was broken, and on the very off chance it was Steve calling to say they were rained out, Eddie didn’t want to miss it. 

He picked it up, uncaring for politeness,“Yeah?” 

“Eddie? What kind of greeting is that?”

He perked up a little at the sound of Max’s voice. He could make an exception for her, “Sorry Red, crap day.”

“Sucks for you. Hey, um, is Steve there?"

“Nope, he swindled Robin into going camping with him. But he’ll be back Monday.”

"Of course he did," She sighed, voice shaky, “Just, uh, have him call me when he gets home, okay?”

Eddie frowned, alarms already ringing. She sounded weird, not just her usual trademarked annoyance, “Is everything okay down there?”

“Y-yeah. Totally fine.”

“Max, if this is some Upside Down shit-”

“It’s not! It’s…just me shit. And everyone else is gone.”

“What is me shit?” Eddie was getting a bad feeling in his stomach, “I hope you realize if something happened to you and I could have stopped it, I’ll be liable, and then Steve will be forced to kill me-”

“He would never kill you.” She laughed, weak and a little forced, “Seriously, you don’t have to worry, I’m basically fine. ”

“Well I’m not willing to test it. What’s going on?”

She took a deep breath, rallying before admitting the truth, “Ok, ok, um, my mom kinda got arrested?”

Eddie wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it definitely wasn’t that, “When the hell did that happen?”

“About a week ago? And we, uh, kinda got evicted?”

Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath before deciding that Susan Hargrove was going on his list of least favorite people. 

Max was stilling talking, rushing in a way that Eddie wasn’t used to, “A-and I know you guys are far away, and I wouldn’t ask normally, really, and if you can’t come I get it, b-but Steve said if I ever needed anything to call and Johnathan took them all to that stupid computer summer camp and Jocye and Hopper are still on their honeymoon and…I-I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

“Where the hell have you been staying?”

She hesitated again, “In my mom’s car?” 

Eddie was already on his feet, looking for his keys as he reassured her,  “You did the right thing by calling, okay? I’m on my way, but you’re going to my uncle’s house, understand? You’re not going to spend another night in a car.”

“But-”

"But nothing. You’re going to go there, eat, sleep in a real bed, and we’ll leave in the morning. I’ll see you soon." 

She agreed without much of a fight, hanging up with a quiet thank you. Behind all of his playfulness and eccentricities, Eddie could be pretty intimidating when needed to be. 

He blared music the whole way there, realizing half way through that he was pushing twenty four hours without sleeping. But there were worse things than an impromptu fifteen hour drive to Hawkins in the middle of the night, even if he could barely keep his eyes open or feel his legs by the time he got there. 

It was mid-day when he pulled into Wayne’s driveway, and he was not looking forward to doing it all over again. He used his spare key, forgoing a greeting at the sight of his uncle at the kitchen table, opting to profusely thank him instead.

“Where is she?” He asked, after about the fifth round of thanks.

“Asleep,” Wayne offered,  “Kid tried to stay up all night waiting for you, but she went down around nine this morning.”

Good, that was good, it would give him some much needed time to sleep. He crashed on their couch, conking out almost instantly. All too soon he was being woken back up, something tickling his face. He wrinkled his nose, swatting at whatever was touching him, but it was persistent. He groaned as light filled his vision, blinking up at the ceiling. He turned, just in time to catch Max going to poke at his cheek again.

The kid looked like shit, like she hadn’t showered or slept in a week. 

“Hi,” she said quietly, giving an awkward little wave, like they weren’t inches apart. 

“Hi,” Eddie tried, for once feeling completely out of his element as they stared at each other. 

The boys he could deal with, they were his own personal band of nerds. Even El was easier, with her straightforward curiosity and Eddie’s penance to talk anyone’s ear off was usually a match made in Heaven, but Max…Max was Steve’s territory. 

His self-proclaimed adopted sister, a step ahead of everyone in conversation, quiet but witty, careful but brave, she’d always been a bit of a mystery to Eddie. She was so selective when it came to who she trusted, with him never fully being in or out of her circle of favorites, always on the periphery by his proximity to Steve, her favorite adult. 

She was picking at the couch, avoiding Eddie’s eyes when she piped up, “Your uncle’s cool.”

“I know, right?”  Eddie sat up, rubbing a hand over his face to wake up faster, “What time is it?”

“Five.”

Shit. They had to leave soon if they were going to get there before Steve, “You ready?”

She nodded, “As I ever will be.”

It was short work packing, she had her skateboard, her walkman, and a single duffle bag, stuffed full. Wayne and Eddie shared a look as they stuffed it all into the back, the scene way too familiar to Eddie’s own meager belongings when he came along. 

They thanked Wayne again on the way out, Max even going as far as accepting a hug, bashful but too grateful to refuse. He pulled out of the driveway, sad to say goodbye to his uncle but more than happy to see Hawkins start to disappear in his rearview. No matter how many good memories he had there, how many wonderful people he’d met, something inside of him would always hate that shit hole. 

Maybe it was because all the good parts could be taken out. 

He glanced over at Max, not quite sure what to say. It was never just them before. Eddie was the one to break the silence first, per usual, “How the fuck did Mike convince El to go to a three month computer camp?"

It was probably the wrong question to ask considering the circumstances, but at least it made her laugh, a real one this time, "That's what I said! God, they’re worse now than when they were dating. They take the best friend thing way too seriously. Almost as bad as Robin and Steve.”

“Hey, rude!” Eddie whined, mock offended on Steve’s behalf, “True but still rude!”

Max laughed. She was picking at a loose thread on her jacket, still smiling a little,“I’m sorry you had to come all the way out here but…thank you for doing it.”

He shrugged, “There are worse things than a nice night drive.”

“I still appreciate it.”

“So…” he trailed off, hesitating before asking what needed to be asked, “Are you going to tell me what happened?"

Max sighed as she stared out the window, like she’d just been waiting for him to say it, “She…got caught for check fraud and identity theft, apparently for a lot of money. She doesn’t even know when her trial date is yet. I thought…” she hesitated, shaking her head, “I don’t know what I thought. I wasn’t thinking. I should have known something was up when things got better out of nowhere.”

“You’re not supposed to be thinking about shit like that. You’re seventeen.”

“Almost eighteen.”

Eddie rolled his eyes,“Oh, you got me. You’re right, everyone knows you get a copy of your parent’s tax records and W-2s and take over the family finances when you come of age ”

She snorted, eyes still staring out the window, but with the smallest hint of a smile on her face. 

Eddie cleared his throat, still peeking at her through the corner of his eye, “I’m sorry that uh, Steve isn’t here.”

She shook her head, “No, I’m glad it was you. Since…y’know.” 

Eddie nodded, oh too aware of what she meant. Things in Hawkins had gotten pretty fucked up for Steve near the end of their time there. After Steve's parent's found out about them, things had spread pretty fast, rumors finally being confirmed as fact, courtesy of Steve’s piece of shit sperm donor. He’d let the whole world know that he didn’t have a son, paired with a big old speech about parenteral-approved gay bashing. The backlash was even worse than Eddie had expected. Apparently the only thing that town hated then queer freaks was ex-straights.

It had been pretty fucking awful, worse yet that Will had to see it all. The only queer kid in a thirty mile radius had to bear witness to his gay role model being socially crucififed. The experience didn’t scream hopeful future in Indiana. Eddie was glad that he was going back to California for college, especially since he’d  have El and Mike with him. Even if it was depressing the rugrats were splitting in two, Eddie was just happy none of them were staying in that hell hole.

Max was biting at her nails, a nervous habit he knew Steve used to bug her about.

“Do you think he’ll let me stay?” 

Eddie laughed, “You should be more worried about if he’ll ever let you leave.” 

“You think?”

“I’d bet money on it.”

The little smile was getting bigger, “How much?”

“Twenty says he’ll tear up and say something like, ‘Of course you can stay, for as long as you want,’” Eddie did his best emotional Steve voice, the adorable wobbly kind that melted everyone’s heart, loving how it made Max laugh, “Something sappy like that.”

“You’re on!” They shook on it, with Eddie only feeling slightly bad for setting her up on a nearly fixed bet.

It was a long fifteen hours, though Eddie was grateful that Max stayed awake with him the whole time, the drive was so much better with someone to talk to. 

“I’m not going to let you be alone for this twice,” she insisted when Eddie asked if she was tired after her fifth yawn. They argued over radio stations and traded blackmailable stories about their friends the whole way home. Eddie’s eyes were bloodshot from exhaustion by the time they got there, Max looking just as bad, but it was worth it. 

She was worth it. 

She went straight to the couch when Eddie pushed the door open, already familiar with the layout of the place. She plopped down, face face first, almost immediately passing out, obviously still exhausted from her week of homeless hell.

Eddie was just covering her with a blanket when he heard the click of the lock being undone, Steve’s voice not far behind, “Baby, I’m home-”

He rounded the corner, all teasing smiles until his eyes landed on Max, his big eyes widening in shock.

He dragged his gaping boyfriend back into their room and told Steve the whole story, genuinely impressed with himself for not passing out during his speech. Steve forced him into bed at the end of it, kissing him soundly for taking such good care of her, sleep taking him easily. 

Eddie woke up slowly, alone in their dark room. He didn’t know how long he slept for, but lord knows he had needed it. He wandered into the living, finding Steve and Max hugging on the couch, catching the tail end of their conversation. 

“Of course you can stay, for as long as you want,” Steve was saying, all teary eyed. 

Eddie didn’t miss the relieved smile on her face, like there was ever a chance he would have said no. She spotted him over Steve’s shoulder, flipping him off when he mouthed at her, ‘I win.’

“You realize I have no money right?” She whispered to him later that night, freshly showered and finally relaxed, “And I’m starting to think you cheated.”

Eddie laughed, “Manual labor until your debt is paid then. And…define cheating?”

“Whatever weird psychic thing you guys have going on, definitely cheating.”

“It’s called love, thank you very much,” Eddie smiled over at Steve, who was busying himself in the kitchen. He was making dinner, insisting that they both eat something before passing out again. He shooed away all attempts at helping, and for good reason, both of them still looked like sleep deprived nightmares. 

It was a good night, all things considered, even if Max and Eddie were still only half awake for most of it. He didn’t really feel back to himself until the next morning, but that’s what driving for more than thirty hours in less than two days did to someone. 

He kissed Steve’s hair before leaving him in bed, wandering to the balcony to light up a joint.

It wasn’t long before he could hear Max shuffling around behind him, dialing a number into the kitchen's phone, eavesdropping by way of proximity. Probably Lucas if he had to guess.  He tried to zone out a bit, but couldn’t help listening in to the latter half of her conversation.

“Of course everything’s fine,” she lied easily into the receiver, “Nancy offered me an exclusive tour of the campus since I was abandoned by my boyfriend, and Steve and Eddie said I could stay at their place to quell the boredom. My mom’s fine with it.”

Pretty good lie, all things considered. 

“Just send the letters here, tell El the same thing. They’ll just get lost at my house. You can call here too, I’ll probably stay through summer, but definitely home before you get back.”

Eddie looked over his shoulder, just able to make out the side of her face at the odd angle. She was smiling, a soft thing that Eddie recognized, the kind of smile that was meant for a singular person, “Then I guess you’ll just have to rewrite it won’t you?”

Eddie forced himself to zone out again, unwilling to listen in on the more intimate bits. It wasn’t long before he heard the click of the receiver and light footsteps strolling his way.

She came up behind him, plopping down next to him with a sigh, “Can I try that?”

Eddie glanced behind him, a little paranoid that Steve was about to catch him in the act of giving drugs to his favorite child, but relented when he couldn’t hear any sounds from their bedroom. 

He passed it over, “Just don’t tell your mother.”

Max laughed as she took a hit, a bit too experienced with it in Eddie’s opinion, “What does that make you, the cool dad?”

“Obviously.” 

They stared out into the horizon, the sun not quite up yet, but on the way. 

“You’re not going to tell him?” Eddie finally asked when she passed it back. 

She shook her head, “And rain on the nerd parade? I don’t think so. He's having the time of his life over there.”

“He’s gonna be pissed. They’re all going to be pissed.”

She shrugged, “It won’t be that bad. As long as I omit the car thing, it will be mild.”

They sat in silence, the comfortable kind for once, before she spoke up again, “Are you okay with me staying here?” 

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

She shrugged, “Like…I know you don’t have much space. And I don’t even know for how long I’ll be here. Steve’s fine with it, because he’s Steve, but are you?” 

Eddie ruffled her hair, a bit touched that she would even ask, “Of course I don’t mind you being here. We’ll make it work.”

And they did. They ran a curtain through half of their living room, making a makeshift space around Max’s favorite couch, so she could have some semblance of privacy. 

It didn’t take long for Robin and Nancy to get involved either, especially since they had the actual two-bedroom apartment. Robin glommed onto Max particularly fast, and two made a chaotic duo of epic proportions.

They converted Nancy’s office, completely ignoring Max’s protests, and got her a real bed. She bounced between their apartments, always sure to be clear on where she was going to end up staying that night. It was stupid, but it still made Eddie preen that she choose their place more often than not. The summer went by fast, faster than Eddie would have ever thought while living with a teenager, but by the time August was coming to a close, there was no good news for Susan Hasgrove. 

They still talked over the phone, usually just for Susan to guiltily admit terrible news while apologizing profusely. Susan ended up settling on a plea deal to avoid trial. Two years in prison, maybe less for good behavior, but there was no way she was getting out in time for Max to go back to Hawkins.

Eddie had to give her this, Susan was an absolute fuck up, but she loved her kid, loved her enough to basically beg Steve and Eddie to take her in until college. Like they would ever say no. 

School was another matter, but thank Christ for Nancy Wheeler, the walking academic genius. She knew exactly what to do and what to say to the Emerson officials regarding Max’s senior year. She even garnered a deal to get her into an alternative program through the college rather than having to re-enroll in a new highschool. She had explained it all to Eddie once, early admission this, preferred treatment and financial aid that, but it kinda went in one ear and out the other, he was more than happy to just let he handle it.

With the official news, Max couldn’t hide it from the others for much longer, and eventually, they found out on their own. Apparently, they had all planned the opposite of a Welcome Home Party for Max, a Sorry We Left You All Summer For Dork Camp Party. They had a banner and everything, and even came back early to set up, right in the window of Max’s lie of being home, only to find her trailer occupied by a completely different family.

One angry phone call with El and a fifteen hour drive later, Eddie found his living room invaded by a wild pack of seventeen-year olds, all pissed as hell. Max was sandwiched between Lucas and El on the couch, the two more upset that she went through something so terrible without them than mad, while the rest stared up at her from the floor. Steve was settled in Eddie’s lap on their recliner, the two watching the whole exchange warily. 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Dustin managed to ask over the incomprehensible noise of them all trying to talk at once, his insanely loud voice finally coming in handy.

Max rubbed a hand over her face, “Would you have left if I told you?”

“Of course!” El and Lucas said in unison, sharing a look like they couldn't believe she would even need to ask. 

“Exactly! That was the problem!” 

“But you could have stayed with my family!” Mike tried, “Nancy’s room is empty and-”

“And your dad literally hates all of us.”

“But what about us?” Will asked, “We don’t have that much space sure, but we could figure something out.”

“I know you would but I didn’t want- I don’t want…” Max trailed off, struggling to find the words. 

"Pity," Eddie finished for her, "She doesn't want to be treated like a stray. And Joyce is a sweetheart, sure, but that’s definitely up her alley."

"And I won’t be here forever,” Max insisted, earnestly looking at Lucas, “Just until college starts, and then I’ll be in the dorms, like we planned."

“But…this is our last year together,” El was tearing up, which was enough to get the whole room to follow suit. 

Max hugged her, apologetic but still firm, “I know, and I’m sorry El, really. I just…I don’t want to be in that town anymore. Not after everything. But I’ll call everyday! And write letters too, whatever you want.”

She sniffled, “Everyday?” 

“Everyday.”

“And you can all come here to visit her, whenever you want,” Steve added, “Spring break, weekends, whenever.”

The offer was enough to calm them all down, even if there was a sad little air around them their whole visit. They all held Steve on his word though, and Eddie spent the next nine months eventually getting used to finding a gaggle of kids hanging around his apartment every other weekend, but they made it work.

Max missed them all the time, anyone could see that, but she still found a way to enjoy her new life. The adjustment from one absentee parent, to four obsessive ones was oddly smooth. Max was an intensely good kid underneath all that snark, smart as hell too. Eddie had been worried about her getting bored, separated from all the other rugrats, but she was adjustable. It helped when they bought her a guitar for her birthday, a new hobby with a built-in teacher to fill the time between studying, skateboarding, and hogging the phone.

Both he and Steve cried like the emotional idiots they were when they helped her move into her dorm later that year, but they couldn’t help it, the joke of them being parents had just solidified into a reality. 

They probably embarrassed her to hell and back during the move, but she never let it show, shedding a few tears herself when the last box was brought up. 

She hugged them both on the way out, asking “The good couch is still mine when I spend the night right?”

Steve wiped at his eyes while Eddie ruffled her hair, saying in unison, “Always.”

[tiny-banana-time]

A prompt, if you'd like! How about Accidentally falling asleep together?

Hey! This one was more stubborn than the rest, but I think I'm okay with how it's turned out. Thanks for the prompt 😊

♡: Accidentally falling asleep together

The lounge on the mess level has a TV, two cushy chairs and a couch, a card table, and one unfortunate flaw: it’s barely large enough to sit the Marathon’s entire Marine Detail for movie nights. By the time Kaidan arrives all of the good seats have been claimed, leaving him the option of the floor in front of Murray, or the uneven hard plastic chair perched behind the sofa. Disappointed eye contact is established with Murray, but before Kaidan can navigate to her, she stands, stretches, and asks if anyone wants a drink. The pointed look thrown his way tells him it’s an opening, an opportunity to steal their spot as is the law of Move Your Feet, Lose Your Seat.

“Lanky, come sit down. If anyone is gonna nab the sofa because my bladder has betrayed me, I choose you.” Were it not for the man also sitting on the couch, he’d question the intent behind such a kind offer, but a wicked look in Murray’s eyes and a lounging Jay sinking into the cushion next to hers explains everything.

Murray…

You don’t just turn down a couch seat for movie night, though, so he hurries over and sits before someone else decides to run for it.

Two cushions and barely enough room to relax without touching means there’s more than a few bumped elbows and knees as he and Jay get comfortable. A conniving smile is shot his way when Murray returns with a six pack of beer and the blanket from their bunk, and goddammit they’re definitely fucking with him.

He's not sure who got to pick this two hour snoozefest (the galaxy's slowest-paced action movie, narrated by an Elcor? What's next, Elcor Shakespeare?) but Kaidan wants to personally strangle them.

Then, because apparently the galaxy gets off on laughing at him, Kaidan experiences a miracle in real time: Jay falls asleep.

On him.

The man who never fucking sleeps is conked out, head drifting slowly closer until it's resting on Kay's shoulder, and any hope he had of faking a migraine to escape has just been dashed for the sake of Jay's rest. So, acknowledging he's trapped for the next hour and a half, he settles in and tries to be the best pillow he can.

Jay's warm, though, and as he adjusts in his sleep to move closer, the allure of a nap grows ever stronger for Kaidan. He succumbs to the comfort of the man next to him and the soothing tones of the narrating Elcor before long.

Murray grabs a handful of pictures on their omnitool as the credits start – it never hurts to have a little blackmail on your friends – while Lala and Romeo pull Lever over to pose behind their superior officers.

One in particular gets hung in the Marine bunks: Jay's head on Kaidan's shoulder, Kaidan's head on Jay's – both with their mouths open and nearly drooling – as the other four stand behind and feign sleep.

Nobody tries to wake them.

[maybedefinitely404]

Day 22: Dukexiety

@tsshipmonth2020

Day 22:  When you close your eyes, you can see what your soulmate sees.

Content warnings: Sleep deprivation/what could be considered insomnia, food mentions, energy drinks, parental abuse, drunk abuse, mentioned anxiety attack, physical altercation, dissociating, school security, maybe PTSD?

Word count: 3.5k 

For as long as Remus could remember, he’d hated sleeping. 

At some points it got so bad he couldn’t function. Falling asleep at the breakfast table before violently jolting awake, asking his mother or teacher to repeat things four or five times until it finally clicked that they were asking if he was okay, staring off into space for what felt like a couple minutes, only to learn that it was several hours later and he’d missed dinner. Roman had gotten used to his twin’s habit of losing sleep, and although it never ceased to worry him, it became more of a given thing that if Remus forgot to do his chores, it was (most of the time) an accident. He’d walk into their shared room and snap his fingers in his face a few times, ask if he wanted dinner until Remus finally understood, and then help him stumble downstairs. 

It was also a given in their family that if Remus ever did fall asleep, whether in his own bed, or on the couch, or outside in the backyard, never wake him up. He so rarely got any rest whatsoever that the seldom times he was able to conk out, it wasn’t uncommon for him to be down for over twenty hours. In those cases, their parents would silently close all the curtains and shut off the lights if he was indoors, or cover him with their deck umbrella and lay a blanket on him if he was outside, and make it law to not disturb him. He’d miss school, it was fine, just let him sleep.

And it was all because of his soulmate. 

Because it wasn’t so much the act of sleeping in itself that he hated. No, the times he actually got deeper than the REM phase, when he was actually out, it was amazing. Blissful and relaxing and made him so hyper aware when he finally woke up. Like the colors were no longer dim and words made sense the first time they were uttered. It was the actual act of falling asleep, when he had to close his eyes but was still fully conscious, that he hated. 

He didn’t have a proper idea who his soulmate actually was. Every time he closed his eyes and their vision fused, when he saw everything his soulmate saw from their perspective, they never seemed to be around a mirror. That would have made life a whole lot easier, if he only knew what it was. Then at least he’d have a chance to save them.

It started when he was little, when their soulbond was just forming. Back then, it was still shaky and glitchy, sometimes showing what his soulmate was seeing, and sometimes just showing the blackness of his eyelid. He saw grassy fields of a park that he couldn’t identify, a dimly lit bedroom with toys scattered on the floor, the night sky from a window that wasn’t his. But then it morphed; playgrounds becoming littered liquor bottles on the floor of an unkempt living room, dark lego-covered carpet evolving from something once played upon to something his soulmate was thrown harshly onto, the view of the stars suddenly filled with the face of a screaming man. The man. 

Remus had no idea who the man was, but he knew his face well. He knew every fury filled expression on his drunken face, the way his nose wrinkled in disgust, how his mouth twisted and contorted as he screamed. Their ears weren’t connected, so he couldn’t tell what the man was saying, but it was punctuated with flying fists and hands gripping collars, thrown beer bottles and pushes to the ground. It didn’t happen every time he closed his eyes, but it had happened enough for Remus to suddenly jerk awake the moment their vision was shared out of pure panic. It happened enough that if his mother reached up to adjust his hoodie strings, he’d flinch violently, or when Roman snuck up on him just a little too quietly, his hands would fly over his face to protect himself. He wouldn’t develop bruises, or take the undoubtedly cruel things the man said to heart, but he was still affected. If he tried to sleep, and the man appeared in his sight, he’d bury his face in his arms, eyes wide and staring at his pajama pants, knowing what was happening to his soulmate however far away they were and he was unable to do anything to help. At least he could open his eyes and be free of the horrors. It was only in the rare instances when he’d close his eyes and his soulmate was already asleep, revealing nothing but the black void behind his eyelids, that he could actually sleep. 

When Roman awoke that morning, he blinked his bleary eyes and turned to the other bed in the room, sighing when Remus’ bloodshot eyes met his from where he was curled against the wall, blanket wrapped around his shoulders. The bags under his eyes had worsened more than they had before. If he was counting right, this was the third night in a row that Remus hadn’t slept at all. The last time he’d slept had been days ago, and only been for a couple hours before he awoke with a sob.

“Are you okay?” 

In a move unlike Remus, he shook his head no. He rarely admitted that he wasn’t fine, but it was getting to that point of almost mania where his eyes glazed over every couple minutes, hands constantly shaking, unaware of anything around him.

“You probably shouldn’t go to school today.”

“It’s f’ne,” Remus mumbled, hitting his head into his arms, “T’st in Engl’sh. Gotta go.”

“It’s not like you to care about school.” Roman threw his blankets off, noticing the way Remus flinched at the sudden movement, and began to change out of his pajamas.

“S’nior year. Failing Engl’sh. Ac’demic probation.” 

“Ah,” Roman hummed, gingerly placing a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie in front of Remus. “Is English your first class?”

“Mmhm.”

“How about I drive you back home after your test?”

Remus had zoned out, staring blankly at the clothes in front of him, so Roman took that as a yes. As much as he hated letting Remus go to school when he was like this, he knew that if he didn’t drive him, Remus would find a way to go by himself and probably accidentally walk into the highway or something. 

By the time Remus zoned back into the real world, Roman had left the room. Lethargically, he changed into the lazy outfit Roman had placed in front of him and pushed himself off the bed, debating if he had the energy to brush his teeth or not. Just as he was considering just pouring the toothpaste into his mouth and gurgling it, Roman walked into the bathroom with an open can of Monster. 

“I have a stash in the basement so Mom doesn’t find them. Keep it down low and don’t take them, or I’ll cut you off.”

Remus didn’t even realize he’d grabbed the energy drink until he had half finished chugging the can, almost sighing at the immediate burst of adrenaline. 

“Hell yeah.”

“Get ready and be downstairs in twenty minutes or I’m leaving without you.”

It was an empty threat, they both knew it, but Remus rolled his eyes anyways and set about to brushing his teeth, pulling out his phone to check the time. There was a barrage of missed messages and notifications that he hadn’t been able to care about after sleepless night number two, so he sent back explanations to the people who’d questioned his disappearance and gotten up to date on what he’d missed on social media. 

He stumbled downstairs as Roman was opening the front door, offering him a bagel silently. Their parents were both at work already, so they locked the door and got into Roman’s car. Remus wasn’t allowed to get his license, not when there was a solid chance that he’d fall asleep behind the wheel. 

“I’m driving you home after English, capiche?”

“I’d probably skip after the test either way.” His hands twitched against his bouncing legs, still unbearably exhausted but now with his heart beating at a rabbit’s pace. 

“You are not walking.”

“Yes, mom.”

Roman let out a tired sigh, leaving the drive quiet except for the soft sounds of the radio hosts. When they pulled into the school lot, minutes before the bell, Remus was getting out of the car before it had stopped all the way.

“Meet me in the main office after first period, dipshit!” Roman yelled as Remus disappeared into the building, flipping him off and letting the doors close behind him just as Roman shouted something else. Whatever. 

While caffeine was perhaps his most helpful crutch in this nightmare that was living, it had side effects. As soon as his test paper was down before him, his mind completely blanked of every word he’d ever heard in his entire life. Though, in all fairness, that also probably would have happened without the energy drink. He was so used to barely sleeping that it had become a norm to him, but it wasn’t a healthy way to live, so even if he’d learned how to function on twelve hours of sleep a week (on good weeks), his brain hadn’t quite caught on.

The instructions for the test wavered and throbbed before him as he blinked his eyes rapidly, trying to banish the blurriness from his sight. He could barely hold a pencil in his shaking hands, his thoughts somehow flying at the speed of light and equally as stuck and lethargic. Pretty much how he felt. 

“Remus?”

His head flew up, his unruly bangs flopping into his eye. Since when did he need a haircut?

“I’ve been calling you for a few minutes now,” His teacher said quietly. Although they were trying to hide it, he could see his classmates glancing at him from the corners of their eyes, “Are you alright?”

As if perfectly on cue, he could feel his mind zoning out again, vision going blurry as his thoughts disappeared. Vaguely, he could feel a gentle hand on his arm slowly lifting him to his feet, a voice giving a foggy command to the class, and then he was led out of the room, the painfully bright hallway lights blinding him. It also brought him back to the present, ever so slightly, as he was taken down the hall to the main office. In the back of his mind, he was grateful for it, because this was where Roman would pick him up. Did this mean he was going home now? Was the test over?

“-last time he slept. He keeps zoning out. I think it would be best if he went home and retook the test another time.”

Hm? He blinked hard, until his eyeballs hurt, to try and get the gears in his brain to start working again. The teacher was talking to one of the secretaries, and they both kept looking to him in concern. 

“Can I call someone to come pick you up, Remus?” The secretary asked, already flipping through her contacts book.

“His brother also goes here, and can probably take him home. Would be easiest,” The teacher cut in before the question had even fully settled in Remus’ mind, and he internally cheered. At least that was settled. And by the sounds of it, he could do his test another time, which was a huge weight off his shoulders. He didn’t have, nor desire, Roman’s perfect grades, but he at least wanted to graduate.

“I’ll get him excused from class. Thanks for bringing him by.”

Remus blinked again and realized the teacher had left, leaving him wavering in the middle of the office in front of a very worried secretary. She was saying something, her mouth was moving, but the words didn’t compute. However when she gestured to a dimly lit backroom, he got the message and stumbled in, nearly collapsing on the small cot in relief. The door was closed nearly all the way, leaving just a crack of light shining through. 

As much as a nice break the darkness was, it just made his eyes want to close farther, and took twice as much effort to keep them open. Pulling at the skin in the corners of his eyes, he reluctantly sat up and focused his stares on the miscellaneous anatomy posters on the wall. 

That was when his gaze fell to the hunched form in the corner, staring at him with dark glistening eyes, and he nearly fell off the cot.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” He yelped. The figure flinched back, curling more into the chair they were perched on. 

“Sorry. She told you I was here when she brought you in. Didn’t you hear her?”

“In all honesty, no. I didn’t.” The two kept at their staring contest for longer than necessary, before Remus decided to break the silence, “So, what are you in for?”

For a good minute, he didn’t think he would get a response. The guy kept staring back at him, like he was trying to size him up, before he muttered, “Anxiety attack in class. Teacher forbade me from staying here.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“Yeah, well…” He finally broke the eye contact, staring down the nails he was picking at. “What about you?”

“Haven’t slept in three days, I think. Maybe four? I was all zone-y during a test so the teacher said I had to go home.”

“Damn teachers and their sudden respect for mental health.”

Remus snorted, resting his head against the wall. “Why’d you have a panic attack?”

“None of your business. Why haven’t you been sleeping?”

“Soulmate stuff,” Remus answered easily, not put off by the other’s suddenly annoyed tone. It wasn’t common to be unable to sleep due to a soulmate issue, whether it was trauma or another issue entirely, but it wasn’t unheard of either. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah, it sucks. Still don’t wanna tell me why yo-?”

“No.”

“I accept your rejection and will now take my leave to cry in the bathroom stall.”

The other boy actually snickered, a reaction Remus had been wishing for but hadn’t dreamed to expect. He waved a hand dismissively. “I hope you have a good cry.”

“Aw, thanks,” Remus cooed, leaning forward on his hands. “I haven’t seen you around. What’s your name?”

“Virgil. Only moved here recently.”

“How recent is recent?”

“Couple months.”

“Ah. I’m Remus. School disgrace, nice to meet you.”

“Oh boy, befriending the wrong crowd already.”

“I would be offended if you weren’t correct,” Remus grinned, hitting his baggy eyes a couple times with his fists.

“Virgil?” The nurse poked her head through the door, squinting in the low light, “Your dad’s here.”

Virgil stiffened immediately, casting Remus a look he didn’t quite understand before getting to his feet, pulling his bag onto his shoulder. She smiled at him and opened the door wider, gesturing for him to exit.

That’s when Remus saw him.

Him.

It took him a moment to understand that yes, his eyes were open, and yes, this was the man from his shared vision with his soulmate. 100% him, the same dark eyes and half grimace, except now wearing a pristine three piece suit that very much didn’t match his memories of him. He was signing a sheet, presumably to ensure that he’d picked Virgil up, and didn’t notice as his son stood frozen in the doorway, watching him with fear filled eyes.

Remus jumped to his feet, stepping next to Virgil.

“That’s your dad?”

Virgil let out a choked hum, one that was probably meant to be an affirmation, before gripping the strap of his backpack. “Why?”

“I’m your soulmate,” He said with absolutely zero tact, and the way Virgil’s face paled was enough indication that he’d understood. He gently laid a hand on the shorter’s shoulder, a silent indication to ‘stay here’, and marched towards the man at the desk. 

“Can I just say one thing?”

He looked up, surprised, and gave Remus a once over. His stomach twisted, being under the man’s gaze, the person who had made it impossible for him to sleep, now in front of him. Eye to eye, he appreciated, because in all the times he’d seen him second hand, he’d towered over him. Now they were the same height, and that brought a sick joy to him.

“I suppose?” The man asked, voice as calm and professional as his suit, looking to the secretary with an almost laugh.

“With all due respect,” Remus snarled, hand curling into a fist, “Fuck you.”

And then he hit him. Hard. All his pent up anger, years of watching his soulmate get beaten to a pulp, losing sleep until he was a zombie of himself, panic attacks of pure worry and fear, flew out in one punch, hitting him square in the nose and sending him stumbling back.

The secretary yelled something he didn’t hear over the blood pounding in his ears, and suddenly two arms were wrapped around his waist.

“Let me the fuck at him!” Remus screamed, fighting against the grip with everything he had. The man was on the ground, staring up at him with equal parts horror and pure rage, dabbing at his bleeding nose.

“Remus, breathe. Just calm down, you’re okay. Just breathe,” A shockingly calm voice whispered in his ear, and he immediately sagged against his brother, the restraining arms becoming supporting. 

“That’s him,” He said weakly, pulling away so he could turn to Roman, “That’s him.”

Roman furrowed his brow for a moment, looking between his twin and the man on the floor, before his eyes widened. He knew all of Remus’ stories, being the one a young Remus would come to when the visions got so bad he’d break down, listening to his rants about the abusive guardian of his soulmate. 

“Call the police,” He deadpanned, turning his glare to the secretary.

“I don’t think Remus-”

“Not for Remus, for him!” 

A gasping breath caught everyone’s attention and the focus shifted to the boy still standing on the doorway, his expression one of absolute terror, staring at his father. Remus broke completely away from his brother to cross to him just as the office door slammed open, two security guards-- the secretary had probably called them at the first punch-- taking in the scene before them. He could vaguely hear Roman explaining the situation, glad that he didn’t have to justify anything because he would most likely just end up throwing hands again. 

Virgil watched him approach, almost cowering in on himself, as Remus extended a hand. 

“Let’s get out of here. You’re not going back with him.”

It took the shorter boy a second, a nervous glance between his earnest eyes and the outstretched hand, before he took it in his own. Remus let a relieved smile take over, interlocking their fingers and leading him past the scene. As he passed a still talking Roman, he swiped the car keys from his pocket with no one any wiser.

“He’ll notice eventually,” He stage-whispered as they exited the large double doors, making their way through the parking lot. “I can’t drive, but we might as well sit in the car until Roman’s done.”

Virgil was quiet, allowing himself to be led through the rows of parked cars before Remus stopped, unlocking the doors and sliding into the backseat, pulling his soulmate in after him. There was a blanket tucked under the front seat and he yanked it out, unfolding it as well he could in the cramped space. 

The shorter boy was shaking violently, trying to hide his hands and now bleeding fingernails in his hoodie sleeves. Remus, for maybe the first time in his life, opened his arms for a hug, and was genuinely shocked by how fast Virgil lunged into his grip. He didn’t have many soft spots, but he could make one for his soulmate. 

“You’re not going back to him. Over my dead body. We’ll figure everything out later, but for now-” He shuffled backwards, leaning his head on the window so Virgil was basically laying on top of him, “I don’t know about you, but I have about a million hours of sleep to catch up on, so I’m going to catch a cat nap before Roman’s done.”

“It’s been a long day.”

“And it’s not even noon,” Remus snickered, maneuvering the blanket so it covered them both. 

He closed his eyes, and for a split second, all he saw was himself, from a lower angle. It was disorienting to say the least, but before he could comment, the world was engulfed in black as Virgil closed his eyes as well.

And for the first time in… who knows how long, Remus wasn’t afraid to sleep. 

[peralta-guaranteed]

Jake and Mac having a father and son day

- Amy’s invited to a very special spa treat day at the end of her second pregnancy by Kylie, who is a damn good friend. And Jake is so excited for her that she’ll have a good time, but he’s even more excited that it happens on his day off so he gets to have baby Mac all to himself for one last time before he gets to have TWO babies all for himself sometimes soon!

- he’s got the whole day planned out, Santiago-style with a list, partially to help him keep track of what he wants to do, but mainly to calm Amy down who is for some reason insanely worried that he can’t handle a day alone with the child he’s been co-parenting for two years now (the pregnancy hormones in her are strong)

- the plans are: sleeping in as long as Mac lets him, then have a cuddle round with Mac while watching Mama get ready for her day out and maybe helping her a little what with the giant belly and no bending over and such. Pancakes for breakfast (Mac can have a little one now too, which is like, the best baby development so far apart from the walking)

- then it’s off to the aquarium because Mac is absolutely obsessed with the shiny glass and the watertanks full of fish and there’s this insanely cool part where you can walk through a tunnel under the water and last time Mac genuinely acted as if they’d landed on a different planet there.

- Amy made him schedule in nap times and breaks and extra snackbreaks, too, even though he was definitely planning to do those anyway he just never wrote them down because they’ve become second nature by now

- (for every Mac snackbreak Jake also gets a snackbreak, so obviously he keeps track of those)

- he’s got the smaller city stroller all packed and ready (the big one is already waiting for bèbé 2), but Mac insists he wants to walk, so they’re about... an hour late to the aquarium. Then Mac runs off and Jake panic-searches him for 30 minutes until he finds him in front of the constantly churning jelly fish tank like he’s hypnotised. Then they get in trouble because apparently you’re not supposed to eat, even snacks, in the exhibition rooms? What a stupid rule, there are like 80% kids here, they will ALL need to eat at some point.

- anyway, they regroup in the designated picknick area outside the aquarium and Mac keeps chatting about the kids corner in the library Amy took him to last week, so, alright, change of plans, let’s go there instead of the park like planned. Jake discovers there’s beanbags in the kids area! Amy never told him about that! So they spent about 2 hours reading and snuggling in the beanbags (while two absolutely smitten librarians keep walking by ‘shelving’ things) until Mac conks out and finally accepts the stroller because he’s dead asleep.

- He wakes up while Jake has him ‘parked’ in the bodega picking up surprise treats for Amy tonight, her favourite ice cream and other pregnancy cravings she still has, and manages to unlock the strap of the stroller and climbs out and eats about 50 too many sweets from the display before the cashier and Jake catch him.

- he still gobbles down dinner like nothing happened when they get home. Jake looks around the kitchen, which has fallen a bit to the wayside (as has everything else in the apartment since Amy can’t move around too much anymore and they’ve been a bit more busy with baby/birth prep than cleaning) and he looks at Mac and goes “You know what would make Mama even happier than special treats? Cleanup!”

- so Jake puts on some good music (Taylor Swift *cough *) and Mac watches and ‘sings’ along from his highchair while Jake cleans up the kitchen as good as he remembers from Amy’s routine, which is actually pretty decent. They move on to the bathroom where Mac plays in the empty tub while Jake cleans, the bedroom where he bounces and then naps on the big bed, and when Amy gets home they’re having a full-on dance party with dusters and Mac’s little kiddie broom in the living room.

- (Which she’s quickly pulled into once they greet her so all three - no, four! - of them are jiggling their butts to Shake It Off)

- Amy is very, very happy about the surprisingly well-cleaned place, and the treats, and a tired Mac who doesn’t protest bedtime at all so she can snuggle up to her husband on the couch and get some foot rubs while telling him about the amazing pregnancy-massage they offered at the spa (”but nothing beats my foot rubs, right?” “Nothing in the world, babe.”)

- later Amy realises she hasn’t checked her phone the whole day because it was in a locker in the spa, and notices that Jake has still sent her updates from time to time. Especially the constant pictures: Mac covering his tiny pancake in sirup, Mac at the touch tank of the aquarium (let’s pretend like he didn’t try drinking the water a second after the picture was taking), Mac snoozing in a library beanbag with the Tales Of Beedle The Bard on his lap, Mac in the bodega with his mouth covered in coloured sugar like she remembers from his dad years ago, actually.

- “Just how much sugar did Mac eat today?” “It was a special day! You got ice cream as well!” “That doesn’t count, I’m eating ice cream for two...!” “Well Mac has been eating for about... uh... four today” “Jake!”

[madhare0512]

[Transmission Open]

hello! it's been a minute, huh? I'm so sorry it's been taking me so long to get things out. for those of you that have requested things, I am working on them, I promise. it's just taking me longer than I thought it would.

with that said, this one goes out to @verse2wo

Phantom's day wasn't great. He'd been dealing with assholes all day and wanting nothing more than to eat their souls, but being unable to. He may have let Mare have a go at them later, the siren needed to eat at some point.

He heads, not to his bedroom, where he's sure his bed and lovely boyfriend wait for him, but further down the hall. He wants to check on his brothers.

As far as Phantom had even been aware, Mare had been the demon’s only family. Then, three people came running into the bar one day, looking too much like the brothers to not be related somehow, and Phantom had never looked back. His three new brothers moved into the back rooms of the club and had been living there ever since. 

Bones, the youngest, is half-demon. Wire, Bone's twin brother, is partially robotic. Paultin, second oldest of the brothers, likes alcohol and has sticky fingers.

Phantom slips into the recreation room, where his four brother had crashed after getting back from visiting some friends, and carefully looks around. 

Bones is laying on the couch with three blankets covering him, in shades of dark blue, silver, and black. Wire was laying flat on his back on the floor, his hands folded over his stomach. Paultin was slumped against the couch, drink glass stil in hand, fully conked. 

“They fell asleep halfway through the movie,” says a soft, melodic voice. 

Phantom glances over to find Mare sitting cross-legged against the wall and tapping on his phone. “Worn out?” Phantom asks, moving closer to his brother and carefully sitting down. 

Mare nods. He locks his phone, looking up at Phantom with tired brown eyes. “I don’t think they’re used to social situations,” the siren explains. “Luckily, the Theory boys are pretty tame compared to the rest of the families, so they’re a pretty solid starting point for new people.”

Phantom clearly remembers the Unus-Annus induction to the Families. The Theory boys had finally taken over about three hours into the tour. Anti Septic is no longer allowed to give the tour. 

“I see,” Phantom replies. Then he frowns. “What are you still doing awake?” he asks. 

Mare shrugs, eyes flashing purple for a split second. Phantom leaves it alone for now. Instead, he stands and holds out his hand. “Come on, brother. Let’s get to bed, hmm?”

Mare nods, taking Phantom’s hand. The pair join their brothers, Phantom in the chair and Mare curled up next to Wire on the floor. 

Sleep comes easier when Phantom’s brothers are around to make the stress of the day fade away.

@verse2wo

[amelialincoln]

Stuck With You

“Hey, babe.” Link’s practically frostbitten cheeks burned against Amelia’s as he leant down to greet her with a kiss. “How are you feeling?” 

“Better,” Amelia smiled, rubbing her stomach in a small circular motion. “I wasn’t expecting the morning sickness to last this long.” Link couldn’t help but grin at his girlfriend who looked picture perfect in her oversized woolen sweater and newly formed bump. “What’s so funny?” She grinned back at him.

“Nothing, I’m just lucky,” he replied with a shrug.

“Yeah, I’m sure you were thinking the same thing this morning when you were holding my hair back to keep me from spewing chunks in it.” She shook her head. Link chuckled, tugging off his flurry filled jacket and sitting down beside her. “I doubt we’re going to make it to Meredith’s for New Years at this rate.”

“Most people were cancelling at work. Other than half the staff who live at her place,” he joked. “I doubt anyone is going to be having too much fun tonight.”

“Oh, cause you’re stuck with me instead of drinking with your boys?” She teased.

“Right, Amelia, because I’d rather start the New Year with anyone other than you.” That received a small giggle and he pulled her onto his lap gently. “You feeling hungry? I was craving some soup with it being so cold.”

“That sounds perfect.” She nodded.

“Alright, up you get then.” Amelia gave a moan of protest as he lifted her to a standing position before tugging her hand into the kitchen. Luckily they had vegetable stock in the fridge so the rest was simple. Amelia sat at the island chairs while Link chopped the veggies and chicken before adding them to the pot to cook.

“No pasta?” Amelia whined.

“Why don’t you come over and help me rather than complaining?” Link chuckled. Amelia shot him a look of exasperation before joining him in the kitchen. She searched through the cupboard before finding her favourite bow shaped noodles and adding them to the pot. Link wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin atop her head as she stirred. “Smells good,” he mused.

“Thanks, it was all me.” She received a poke in the side for that comment. The couple waited patiently for the soup to cook before spooning it into bowls and setting the rest in the fridge for leftovers.

“What do you want to watch?” Amelia asked from her place on his chest as she lifted a spoonful of veggies into her mouth.

“I don’t really care.” Link shrugged, absentmindedly wiping a drop of broth from her cheek with his sleeve. Amelia put on some random documentary as the true crime junkie she was and settled into his lap comfortably.

“Not while we’re eating,” Link complained as the narrator ran over some graphic evidence.

“You’re trying to tell me that you’ve got a queasy stomach,” she asked, “when you shove people’s bones back in place for a living?” Unapologetically, Link set his ceramic bowl on their coffee table and swallowed with distaste.

“You were the one throwing up all day,” he grumbled.

“And whose fault was that?” Amelia batted her lashes, never allowing Link to forget that it was his fault for impregnating her.

“Alright, then.” Link picked up the tv remote and clicked the off button before throwing the device far enough away on the couch that Amelia wouldn’t attempt to go after it. “I just want to talk to you, I feel like I haven’t seen you all day.” Amelia’s irritated expression washed away.

“Fine,” she grumbled before pulling out her phone. Link almost threw that across the couch too before realizing which app she was searching for. “Our baby is the size of a mango today,” she stated proudly. “I can feel him getting heavier.” She placed his hand on the underside of her belly and smiled as he acknowledged the new weight there. “His lungs are apparently developing,” she squinted at her phone, “and he might start kicking soon.”

“That’s exciting, babe.” Link rubbed her back tenderly and she relaxed into his touch.

“I didn’t get that with Christopher.” She frowned. “I mean there were phantom kicks...but I don’t know how they’re actually supposed to feel.” “Well we’ll find out soon, I guess,” he offered, not really sure what to say.

“Yeah, exactly,” she said more brightly than he knew she was feeling. “You finished your soup?” She asked, slowly standing up with the assistance from his hand on her back. He nodded as she stacked his bowl on top of her own and made her way back into the kitchen. He followed her cautiously, noticing that she was deep in thought and messaged her neck as she wordlessly did the dishes. Link knew she wasn’t supposed to start nesting until her third trimester but he’d noticed, with amusement, how much of a neat freak she had become over the last couple of weeks.

“You dry?” She finally asked, handing him the pot.

“Sure,” he replied, moving to stand beside her. They stood in silence for a couple of moments longer before he asked, “have you ever heard of a babymoon?”

“Huh?” she replied, her hands deep in soapy water.

“It’s like a honeymoon...kinda but not really.” He scratched the back of his neck. “It’s like a trip you take before the baby comes. Like to celebrate the last time you’ll be together, just the two of you.”

“Sounds kind of dreary when you put it that way,” Amelia chuckled lightly. “It’s not like our lives are ending.” 

“That’s not what I meant,” Link backpedaled. “It’s just to spend some time together before the baby comes.”

“Link, I’m teasing. That sounds really nice,” she assured him.

“Okay, cool.” He sighed with relief.

“I mean I think I deserve it if you can’t manage to give me an actual honeymoon.”

“What, I--”

“Link.” She rolled her eyes. “Teasing, again.”

“You suck,” he growled, flinging droplets of soapy water in her direction.

“Oh, really?” She taunted, spraying an enormous amount of water at him and soaking him from head to toe. “Shit.” She went to wipe suds from his cheekbone and slipped, landing embarrassingly on her ass.

“You okay?” The urgency in his voice immediately ended the joke.

“Link, I’m fine,” she winced.

“Are you sure? We could go to the hospital and--”

“I promise,” she confirmed. He breathed a sigh of relief, hovering over her and surveying her quickly. “Link, I mean it. You can get off of me.”

“Well, when you put it that way.” He grinned cheekily, pressing a lingering kiss to her lips before pulling away and leaving her wanting more.

“Okay, come back,” she whined, ignoring the fact that her clothes were soaked with dishwater.

“Nah, let’s get you in the shower. You’re all wet.” He smirked, pulling off her clothes shamelessly as he led her into their bathroom.

                                                     [][][]

Surprisingly, it was Amelia who convinced Link to stay up till twelve. Usually she was passed out at eleven tops with Link lying awake in bed for hours, deep with worries about parenting, the environment and everything else that he’d be bringing a baby into.

“It’s the baby’s first New Years,” she argued, pulling the fluffy white towel around her dripping body.

“The baby’s first New Years is a year from now,” he groaned from their bed. The hot shower and the amount of cardio he’d just performed had practically knocked him out and he wasn’t sure if he could keep his eyes open for the next half hour.

“Well it’s our first New Years.” She had him with that one. Link sighed before opening his arm to allow her to crawl in beside him. “Fine, I’ll stay up.” He didn’t. Link conked out about a minute later and their bedroom was filled with his soft snores almost immediately. Amelia sighed, running her hand through his hair and kissing his forehead lightly. She picked up a medical journal she’d been flipping through throughout the day and cuddled up beside him.

“Link,” Amelia shook her boyfriend awake.

“Huh?” His groggy voice responded before his eyes shot open. “Is the baby coming? Are you having contractions?”

“Uh, no.” She remarked. “You’re about four months too early.” Link nodded, swallowing nervously and she couldn’t help but wonder if that was what was keeping him up most nights. “It’s almost midnight.” 

“Oh,” he breathed. “Sorry for falling asleep.”

“It’s okay,” she assured him. “I just wanted my New Year’s kiss.” Link glanced at the clock and grinned before placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

“Was that what you were hoping for?” 

“Mhmm.” She bobbed her head. “Thank you.”

short cute domestic fic hope u enjoy! didn’t have time to edit so I probs will tmrw but I wanted to get it up for y’all.

[thedistrictsleepsalonetonight]

Paper Rings (or Dani and Jamie accidentally adopt a family and also move in together)

Moving in is a process.

A process in italics. A process, underlined. A process emphasized heavily, with quotation marks around it, because Dani isn’t sure of how to describe the two months that have somehow resulted in her apparently having opened her home to a middle-aged couple, a sulky teenager, and child who bursts into the phrase “Perfectly splendid” in intervals, and a lawyer trying her very best to also have a dating life.

“Did you forget your whole entire girlfriend?” Jamie asks her, arms weighed down by a box full of crockeries and Flora who’s hanging on her back.

Oh.

Dani raises a finger like she’s making a point. “I did not,” she says, very slowly, hoping to somehow generate words as she speaks. “I did not mention you, because I didn’t need to. Because you, baby, have always been home for me.”

Hah. Take that, Hannah. To think she was of the opinion Dani couldn’t romance very well.

Jamie stares at her. “You’re so full of shit, Poppins.”

Miles opens his eyes from where he’s been listening to music on the couch for the past half-hour and leans forward, only to say — “Busted”, and Dani is officially done with everything.

*****

Strangely enough, it starts with cream.

Dani remembers it well, because it’s one of the very few argument-esque discussions they’ve had in their year and a half relationship. It’s one of the nights Dani is over at Jamie’s as opposed to it being one of the nights Jamie is over at Dani. They don’t keep track anymore. Most of the evenings, it just comes down to how much in a hurry they are to get to some place and eat and stretch out on the couch in peace.  

(Amongst other activities of course, so most of the time it’s Dani’s place)

So they’re at Jamie’s apartment, on a chilly evening about five months into dating when she jumps into bed after her shower and asks Jamie for her hand cream.

“Oh, that,” Jamie says. She opens her nightstand drawer, takes out a bottle and chucks it in her direction so it lands roughly an inch away from her hand. It also lands with its label upwards, so Dani is reading the words correctly when she says —

“This is a body lotion.”

“Yeah, that’s what you needed, right?”

“No, babe,” she answers Jamie patiently. “I asked for hand cream.”

Jamie frowns. Stares at the bottle. Then back at her. Does that for about two more times before she opens her mouth.

“Um,” she says, picking it up and pointing it to her other hand in an exaggerated motion. “Yes. You do put this on your hands.”

Why would you do that, Dani thinks, with exclamation marks punctuating every word of that. “I use hand cream. You know, it’s like foot cream but for your hands.”

“What’s that?”

(She’s not going to bore everyone with what the whole discussion that occurs then. The words keep coming, the exclamation marks keep increasing, and somehow, they conclude in this absolute gem of an ending that nobody knows how to process.)

“How could you not—”

“—wait, I’m sorry, we didn’t exactly have fancy shit up in prison, you know.”

There is silence. Dani sees her girlfriend’s lips twitching, her eyes betraying the mirth hanging behind her words. She picks up her pillow and throws it in Jamie’s face.

“You cannot keep pulling the prison card every argument we have, you ass.”

“But it works so well!”

“That wasn’t even the point. The point was that hand creams are best for hands and foot creams are best for, you know, feet and—”

“—and somehow,” Jamie tells her, “my hands and my feet are made of skin like the rest of my body. Look at that! What a surprise!”

“That’s a valid point,” Dani says, fingers pinching the bridge of her nose, trying her very best to be a nice and supportive girlfriend. “But that’s like saying that you can wear your underwear on your face since every part of your body has skin on it.”

“Who says I’m even wearing underwear?” Jamie’s right eyebrow is raised, lips pressed flat with the effort to keep from laughing and well—

(In her defense, she does have the sexiest girlfriend in the world and it’s totally understandable that she got distracted)

The next evening, she orders an entire set of creams, with Jamie grumbling in the background somewhere. I’m here most of the time anyways, she says. It’s for the both of us, if that makes you feel any better.

From Jamie’s smile, she thinks it does, and that’s how the idea starts taking root in her mind.

*****

This is how love works. Or so she’s heard. The honeymoon period is but a couple of months, and then real-life hits. After three months is when that bright illusion shatters, of your partner possibly being the most beautiful angel to ever grace this planet, and you start seeing them as who they really are — clueless and flawed individuals who do not know the difference between moisturizer and hand cream.

So she waits, holding her heart carefully in her hands. Waits a month. Two. Four. Five. And it is a couple of days after Owen and Hannah baked them a cake to wish them a ‘Happy 6 months together, y’all’, that Jamie pokes her head out of the bathroom, toothbrush in her mouth.

“Oi nah flick offa,” she says, and Dani blinks.

“I didn’t get that, sweetheart.”

Jamie disappears (to get rid of the foam in her mouth, Dani guesses) then reappears a minute later, face glowing. “I said I’m not sick of you yet.”

Dani smiles at her. “I’m not sick of you either.”

And it is such a strange thought, once articulated out loud. She still wakes up every morning, and stays for a while admiring the way the sunlight hits Jamie’s face, the way it dances with her skin and makes her look like an old Goddess; still wants to cling to Jamie like a panda whenever she sees her after a long time. Her heart still hasn’t gotten used to the most wonderful woman in the world loving her, touching her, kissing her, and she still has to give it a little time to restart every time she makes Jamie smile.  

Six months she’s kept thinking This will go away. Six months and it hasn’t.  

Dani kind of thinks (hopes, dreams) it’s forever.  

Dani kind of knows it’s forever.

Jamie plops onto the bed, arms stretching out across her back and legs finding their place over hers, interrupting her train of thought. It’s when she’s nuzzling into Dani’s shirt that the color of the shirt registers.

“Is that,” Dani says. “Is that my shirt?”

Jamie’s hands are already clutching at the fabric of the oversized lavender shirt as she finishes, as if Dani’s going to take it away from her. As if it doesn’t make Dani’s heart do funny things inside her chest to see her in it. As if she doesn’t want Jamie to only wear her clothes, because she looks so at home in them. Like she is Dani’s, forever.  

Like Dani is hers, forever.

“It’s your place,” Jamie argues. “There’s only a certain number of things I can keep wearing, you know?”

Dani kisses her cheek. Hums.

“I’m keeping it,” Jamie continues.

“Okay,” Dani says, simply, her smile saying the things she’s too embarrassed to say out loud. It’s yours. Whatever I have is yours. My home, my clothes. My heart.

(The next night when she’s over at Jamie’s, she makes Jamie pack an entire drawer full of her clothes into her bag so she can carry it over to her own place for the nights to come. There’s an empty space cleared up in the closet that sings Jamie’s name every time Dani opens the door. It will never be empty again.)

*****

“But Jamie, please,” Flora pleads.

“Yes, Jamie, please,” Dani parrots, highly amused at the vein twitching at the corner of Jamie’s forehead.

Jamie takes one look at them, at Owen and Hannah cozied up on their couch, at Miles who’s reclining against the wall trying to appear supremely disinterested and then finally to the kitten who is sleeping in Rebecca’s arms.

“Absolutely not,” she declares.

“But look at him!” Dani says, pouting. It is unfair, she supposes, for both her and Flora to pout together in the face of Jamie’s reticence but desperate times call for desperate measures.

(And she wants to pet that kitten, desperately)

“He’ll be happy with you, really,” Owen jumps in, just for the satisfaction that Jamie’s annoyance gives him, and immediately gets hit with a deadly look.

“Why don’t you guys keep him, then?”

Hannah tsks. “Oh,” she says, sounding not very sad. “I have that allergy, you know.”

“You haven’t sneezed once in all this time!”

“It’s.... a seasonal thing. A seasonal plus feline thing. I don’t know how to explain it to you, dear.”

“Baby,” Dani says, hands reaching out to hold Jamie’s. “He needs a home. We can give it to him.”

Jamie’s slowly developing a half-crazed look in her eyes, which Dani finds hilarious. “And who is this we you’re referring to? Because I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be the one taking care of the.... the thing.”

“He is a kitten,” Flora emphasizes, indignantly.

“A one-eyed kitten,” Rebecca adds, and after a round of Aws and coos that’s how Cyclops ends up living with them.

“I’m not taking care of it,” Jamie announces, right away, and Dani reminds her of it every day for a month after the day she finds them on the couch with the kitten conked out on a sleeping Jamie’s chest.  

(“We are not calling the poor thing Cyclops,” Dani protests.

Miles simply grins.)

*****

It’s time.

She’s said this to herself every morning when she wakes up in Jamie’s arms, her four pillows strewn around them and with most of the blanket hanging off Jamie’s side. Every evening as they walk back to Dani’s place arguing whether it was Chinese or Indian they were in the mood for, and when they’ve inevitably ended up at Owen’s restaurant, sharing a meal with the rest of their family. Every time they bicker over Jamie’s clothes now taking up more space in her closet than her own dresses. Let’s move in, she thinks, more and more with each passing in. Let’s live together, she almost says when Jamie decides to pop into her own apartment inevitably.

Surprisingly enough, Jamie says it first. They’re watching some reality show that involves a very accomplished woman and twelve idiots trying to win her hand, when Jamie turns to her and asks her if Dani would consider moving in with her.

“Sure,” Dani says, off-handedly, before she chokes on the large gulp of water she’d taken a moment ago. “Wait, what?”

Jamie is very determinedly not looking in her direction, her eyes hyper focused on one spot of the screen. Dani plays with her hair and waits.

“I was.... wondering, if you’d like to move in with me.”

Wondering, as though Dani wouldn’t lay down her life if Jamie asked, Dani thinks. She raises her hand, and nudges at Jamie’s chin until they’re facing each other.

“Have you thought about it?” she asks, carefully.

“I can’t stop thinking about it, which is the problem,” Jamie grumbles, and Dani is endlessly endeared by the adorable frown on her face. “Thinking about how nice it would be to go to sleep and wake up next to you every morning, and how my brother could use my apartment when he’s home from college during the holidays, and me not having to move more and more of my clothes here—”

“—and the stupid cat,” Dani adds.

“—and the stupid cat,” Jamie concludes, glancing once at Cyclops who’s finding great pleasure in chasing the Roomba around.

“Sure you’re not sick of me yet?” Dani asks her, casually, hoping she picks up on what she really means to say.  

Jamie kisses her once, twice. “Never, my love.”

And that’s that.

*****

“Catch,” Owen shouts, before a vase comes sailing through the air and lands perfectly in Miles’ hand, followed by the sound of their combined laughter.

Dani, who’s just gone through the five stages of grief, collapses onto the couch next to Rebecca.

“How did we accidentally adopt a whole bunch of children?”

“Hey!” Rebecca protests. “I am a mature adult who has her whole life in order.”

“You’re just got sent a Wazzup on Tinder by a 40-year-old man who enjoys fishing on the weekends, kid,” Jamie passes by, hand reaching out to mess up Rebecca��s perfectly done hair. “Nobody here has their life in order.”

Rebecca sticks out her tongue. “This is not nice.”

Dani disagrees. This, impromptu lasagna dinners at least thrice every week filled with laughter and ribbing, days full of sunshine and kittens and the prettiest woman at home in her arms, she thinks, is very nice, actually. Love takes effort and work, but somehow it is also easy and beautiful, and so worth it that it’s found a permanent place behind her ribcage, in her lungs, in her limbs, and in her eyes.

“Do you think this is straight?” Hannah asks her, pointing at the photos on the wall.

“Nothing about this is straight,” Miles mumbles.

“That’s very funny, Miles,” Dani snipes at him, but she gets up and stands next to Jamie. Looks up at the photos.

There’s one of her on the street corner, sitting with her typewriter, surrounded by a bunch of clamoring people. One of Jamie and her brother. One of Cyclops perched on top of Miles’ head. One, of the time when Jamie and Dani had been trying to take a romantic photo all day, only to get interrupted by Owen finger-gunning in the background. The photo had ended up including all of them, squashed together on the tiny couch, with Flora half on Jamie’s lap, and half on Hannah’s.

(There’s a last one that Rebecca had snapped in the middle of dinner one night, of Dani and Jamie staring at each other, speaking a language only they knew. Dani’s hand, carrying a spoonful of mashed potatoes, is half-raised, with the spoon almost touching Jamie’s lips. It’s Dani’s favorite. She knows Jamie loves it too.)

This is how love works, she thinks. You build a relationship. Family just sort of forms around you.

“It’s perfect,” she says, head leaning on Jamie’s shoulder.

And it really is.

[yamithediaperdork]

My son, the diaper perv (Naruto)

In anther universe, in anther time, Naruto didn't lose both of his parents, only his mother. the following story takes place in this universe, with Naruto at age sweet 16.

Minato was taking advantage of the warm sunny day in hidden leaf and his status as Hokage of the village to punish his little pervert of a son. Said punishment involved having Naruto currently dressed in 3 large diapers that were dark blue on the sides, and white in the middle with four light blue tapes to keep them snugly on the 16 year old toddler and causing him to waddle. Of course the diapers couldn't fully be seen at the moment as Naruto was wearing a onsie over them, though the sides of the diapers poked out at the crotch level and the crotch snaps were staining, clearly reaching their limits. the onsie was was colored orange, with a yellow fox on the front of it all chibi and grinning and there was a yellow paci clip with a yellow ribbon on his chest, with a orange paci currently in the 16 year olds mouth. he had on a pair of white socks and a pair of orange sneakers with the same yellow fox on the sides of them and his head band had been taken away since he wasn't a ninja of hidden leaf today, he was nothing more then a big toddler, with the understanding ANY amount of attuide and he could be a big baby, and more attuide after that...a baby girl. Minato lead his son, holding his hand tight and having a diaper bag over one shoulder as they made their way around the village, having decided to take Naruto out for a little bit of take out and of course choosing the furthest joint away from their place as possible. Oh course the sight of a 16 year old toddler would of gotten attention regardless, but with it being the son of the Hokage, and one of the strongest ninjas in the village (at least for his age group) it drew lots of attention and as word spread, more and more people found excuses to come out and watch the toddler be marched by. Naruto for his part was crimson in the face and looking down at the ground, even as small children giggled and pointed and worse, a few of his fellow ninjas laughed and called over to him. "NICE LOOK NARUTO!" Kiba called, cupping a hand to make his voice louder as the passed the pet store. "Awww, who's a cute widdle guy?" Sakura laughed, Sitting in Sasuke's lap as the new couple were by a fountain. "Geez, really? I knew you were a bed wetter." Sasuke said, smirking and kissing Naruto's crush while the toddler id his best to ignore them. "oh, Naruto, your still wetting the bed? you told me you were a big boy!" Minato said, stopping their walk and turning to smirk. "Then again, I know you were lying about being a big boy so I guess i can't be TOO shocked that your still wetting your bed huh?" The Hokage said and ruffled Naruto's hair. "be a good boy and wave hi to your friends little guy, they all think you look so cute!" he added. Case in point, Hinata was currently looking out from around a corner, peeking at the back of Naruto's puffy butt and ended up having a nose bleed and fainting. "H-Hiiii Everyone.." Naruto squeaked out, his paci hanging down and drool on his chin, as he made eye contract and gave a weak wave, and let out a humiliation and fear feared fart.

You might be asking yourself, what could of Naruto had done to cause his dad to punishment him like this? For that, we'll have to go back in time to the night before, around 11:30 pm.

For Minato it had been just anther Friday night, work had been a pain this week and he'd been enjoying a few strong ales and had been looking forward to just conking out on the couch, watching bad TV. For Naruto who had been trying to spike his dad's ale's so the old man could conk out faster, it was perv time. with his dad nodding off slowly on the couch, Naruto rushed off to his room and stripped down to his birthday suit and smirking as he opened his private chest. (his dad trying to be understanding, had told Naruto he could have a chest in his room that Minato would NEVER in anyways shape of form, try and find out what was inside, and just trusted Naruto not to hide booze or drugs in there.. if only he knew.) With his hairless crotch and less then stellar member on display, Naruto reached down making his semi bubble butt jiggle as he pulled out 5 of the same diapers he'd be wearing the next day, though of course at the time the little diaper perv couldn't of known that. setting them on his bed, he reached back in and pulled out a jar of little stinkers poopie pills, just one was suppose to be enough but for a diaper pooping humiliation junkie like Naruto, he took out five of them and his cute little dicklet was already twitching, before he'd even touched it or moved to put the pills in. experience and a stain on his carpet had taught Naruto how fast the pills could work, so he unfolded the diapers and got them ready to go. He was wasn't planning on a major piss feast tonight so he didn't bother with the slits in the front, though he did make some in the back of the diapers so he wouldn't have crap leaking down his thighs. with the diapers pre-powdered and set up so he'd just have to sit down and start taping, Naruto got on his knees over the diapers, and looking at his reflection in the full body mirror by his bed and grinned impishly. "Magic time~" he giggled. Flipping himself off in the mirror, Naruto then sucked on the offending digit then took the finger of the pill's, which were really a little bit too big to go in with ease, and shoved it in his cute little rosebud with the slick finger, moaning softly and his nipples getting stiff and his cock twitching and dribbling pre onto the diapers. "Your gonna be a big." he moaned softly to himself, getting the next pill and sliding it in with the same finger, loading himself up to load his huggies and fingering his boy cunt at the same time. "Stinky." he gasped and reached for the next pill, the flow of pre was almost like a weak steady stream of sticky piss coming out his his cock head, and it was taking all of the boys self control not to pump his dicklet with with finger and thumb, or to just add two more fingers to his back door fun. "DUMB." he gasped softly, getting pill number three in and he was worried he was gonna shoot before he could even diaper up, his desire to do these walks fueled by a week of edging and gooning to porn and hoping he'd last. "B-B-Baby!" he hissed, getting the last pill in and shutting his eyes, leaning forward and gripping the sheets of his bed and barely holding his boy milk in. His breath was coming in ragged gasps as he started to tape up the diapers, his hands shaking but he knew he had to hurry, already the pills were starting to take effect and the cramps were building. He'd toyed with using a butt plug and the poopie pills, but the thickness of his diapers and the size of his toy meant that he just ended up with massive cramps and stuck in a loop of trying to push the toy out only for it to slid back in when the diapers stopped it, and he'd been stuck in a loop of fucking himself in essence for 6 hours, thankfully in his room. while it had been a awesome experience, the massive case of the runs he'd had for the next two days hadn't been and he'd learned his lesson. Summoning a iron willpower, of sorts, Naruto got his big dumb baby diapers on and shaking, made his way downstairs where his Father was snoring softly on the couch. Sliding his sneakers on, and carefully opening the door, Naruto ventured out into the night, not realizing as the door closed it woke his father up. Minato for his part, got up and shut off the tv, a little bit shocked he'd conked out the way he had, but just figured it had been from the work load that week, and made his way out of the living room, figuring he might as well call it a night. He noticed that the front door was unlocked though so made sure to lock it, and the back door before making his way up the steps towards his room.

The night air was nice, not to warm and not to cold and the bugs weren't out in force as Naruto crinkled and waddled, his tummy cramping big time. he was keeping to the bushes and trees when possible even though no one was really out this time of night. Still almost no one didn't mean no one at all and a young couple were out for a midnight stroll as Naruto was crouching behind a bush, willing them to go away as he was at his breaking point. "That star looks beautiful tonight don't they?" The young lady said, smiling and holding her man's hand. "Not as beautiful as you my sweet. just smell that sweet spring air tonight and-" The man was cut off as a loud rumbling wet fart blasted out of Naruto's behind, and was followed with a sick rotten smell. "UGH! Really Kenta? I told you to take it easy on the ramen!" the woman groaned, pinching her nose. "That wasn't ME! I was gonna ask if you were ok!" Anther blast of ass gas filled the air, a sloppy fart and the back of Naruto's diaper was rapidly filling up as the little imp got on his hands and knees and bit his touge to keep from grunting out loud, his dicklet leaking as his asshole twitched and let out wave after wave of semi solid filth into the seat of his diaper, punishing his prostate as it shot out. "oh, real mature! Blame me for this as you shit your pants!" "I'm telling you it's not fucking me!" the couple argued and took off in different directions as Naruto raised his ass in the air, his eyes rolling up in the back of his head and his touage hanging out of his mouth as the diapered perv came HARD, still shitting himself and making his diapers bloat out and discolor.

After cumming a few more times as he finished destroying his huggies, Naruto barely had the power to drag himself home, a combination of the multiple orgasms that had racked his body and well, the massive poopie he'd taken. with the back of his diapers almost down to his knee caps, and having to tug them up, and still have the top of his dirty butt crack showing every few steps, Naruto was relived as he made it to his house and went to open the front door. And it was locked. "Nooo..no no no.." he said, feeling a pang of fear, and tried the door again. "no no no no no." as the fear filled his, Naruto's dicklet added to the semi solid filth, wetting himself as the butterflies built up in his tummy. "ok..ok..Relax..there's always the back door. Dad NEVER checks the back door." he said softly to himself, waddling slowly and making the disgusting mass in his loaded diaper swing back and forth as he waddled around the outside of the house. Somehow despite how much he had hoped his words would prove to be true, a part of Naruto wasn't shocked when he tried the back door and it too was locked. "I..I'm trapped outside..In my poopie diapers." the perv whimpered, his bottom lip quivering. Sure, it had been fun to THINK about something like this while gooning, but the harsh reality of the situation wasn't nearly as fun, though his dicklet was trying to get hard despite the buckets he had already cum. There was NO way he could just stay outside for the night, already he was started to get itchy and his buns were burning a little. Add in his diaper's were at their limit now and he was gonna leak before long and Naruto knew he only had ONE choice to make. He was gonna have to ring the front door bell and hope that daddy could wake up and let him in. Shaking and trembling Naruto made his way BACK round the house, and pushed the doorbell, mind spinning for a excuse, any excuse he could think of.

Minato had been in the middle of a hot dream, where he had a couple of the cutest ninja's under his command on their knees begging for his dick (Both male and female, he was of the opinion a hole was a hole) when the door bell sounded and he groaned. "Naruto!" he called out, banging on the wall that separated their rooms. "go answer the door!" he tried to slid back into his sleep when the doorbell sounded again, and then again, and then fucking again and Minato banged on the wall again. "NARUTO! Go get the door!" he growled. when the doorbell sounded anther two times the Hokage gave up and slid out of bed, tugging a robe on over his boxers and mumbling about how he was gonna give his son a earful after seeing who was at the door, he made his way downstairs. "Never mind! I'll get it!" he called over his shoulder and then went to the front door, opening it without bothering to see who it was. (it wasn't exactly like as the fourth Hokage, he was too worried about a random burglar or the like.) Standing in front of him, smelling like a sewer and explaining why the door hadn't been answered, was his son. "Uh..Hiii Daddy." Naruto said sheepishly, and waved a hand. "...You've got 30 seconds to explain."

Finding out about Naruto's little perversions, Minato had been both mad, disgusted, and amused by it, and once he had Naruto go and take a long shower, he met his son in his bedroom. He had forced open Naruto's private chest, as clearly the boy had lost the right to any privacy if he was going to do things like THIS, and had some of Naruto's diapers out on the bed, the boys chastity cage, and a wooden spoon from the kitchen. "I..I don't suppose we could just um..forget all about this?" Naruto tried, wrapped up in a towel and chewing softly on the corner of it while he looked at his dad. "I think we're past that stage. For the record, if you had just told me you wanted to be a poopie baby, I would of let you do it in the house, safe and sound.I wouldn't of been a fan of the smell mind you, but would of been better then you going out at night." Minato said. "But Daddy! Part of all of it is the thrill of maybe being caught!" Naruto whined. "Well, you've been caught. still thrilling?" Minato asked, smirking and raising a eyebrow "..when you put it like that.." Naruto grumbled. "Since you wanna be a little diaper perv and waddle around showing your huggies off, you're going to get a WEEK of that, because you're going to be in diapers 24/7 and your getting pulled from any missions while your punishment is going on. you're gonna be treated like a little BABY around the house, and a TODDLER while we're out in public." Minato said. Naruto's jaw dropped as his eyes went wide as saucers. "A-Are you freaking KIDDING me?!? I can't go out in public in diapers!" Naruto yelped. "..what would you call what you were doing before I answered the door?" His dad asked. "I..but..that..It.." Naruto stammered. "Compelling argument. now get your butt over my lap for your spanking, and then daddy will be getting his BIG BABY ready for bed. and before you even think of it, Ripping off your diapers is going to earn you a extra TWO weeks in your diapers, and you'll be sleeping in my room with me till we can get BABY Naruto a crib." Minato said, smirking. Naruto whimpered and whined, but all the begging in the world wasn't going to change the Hokage's mind at this point. Accepting his fate, the 16 year old powerhouse slowly made his way over to his father, dropping the towel and showing that despite his protests, at least PART of him loved this. "and this." Minato said, smirking and pointing. "is why your little nub is getting locked up. I doubt you'll be enjoying yourself as much when you can't squirt." "DADDY!" the red faced Ninja whimpered loudly, but got over his fathers lap. "who knows, Maybe Friday's can be your big dumb baby night even after your punishment is over." Minato teased and Naruto grabbed a pillow and buried his face in it.

Ten swat's later that had Naruto bawling as if he'd been beaten, and his little nub was locked up safe and sound and he'd been double diapered. the boy had been exhausted and drained, in all the ways possible and it hadn't taken long once he was in bed with daddy for him to drift off.

Coming back to the present, while Daddy and son where heading for the ramen shop Minato had a few of his elites buying and setting up what was needed to turn Naruto's big boy room back into a nursery, and of course getting lots and lots of diapers for the little baby. The crowd was chuckling and some where returning the waves, though as a gentle wind blew and sent the smell of his gassy baby to them they backed away. "yeah, sorry about that everyone. my little guy is toxic. there's a reason we're out for a walk, I needed to air the house out after somebody woke daddy up with a morning surprise." Minato said, grinning ear to ear as Naruto whined and pouted. "Dadddddy! Dun tel dem that!" the oversized toddler huffed, slipping back into baby talk with a natural ease. Sakura and Sasuke were laughing hard now, though it was Sasuke who spoke up. "oh, you don't have to tell US about that.. We've had to start sneaking him special herbs while on missions to cut the smell down just so we can survive the night." Sasuke said. "Add in we knew about the pull ups 'widdle' Naruto had t wear to bed.." Sakura chimed in then added. "Did you ever wonder WHY I went with Sasuke over you little guy? Don't get me wrong, you're adorable! But I look at you more as a little boy trying to act all tough, while..well.." and she planted a smooch on Sasuke's cheek. Naruto whimpered big time and popped his paci back into his mouth, tears welling up in his eyes and Minato frowned a little. "Hey, don't be too mean to him, he's still my son, even if he's a over sized toddler." he said, a slight edge to his tone and the happy couple gulped and excused themselves. The kept walking and Naruto was rubbing at his eyes with his free hand, sniffling a little and Minato sighed and stopped them again. "I'm sorry Naruto. that must of been hard to see and hear. but it does free you up to just focus on being a cute little guy right?" Minato said and asked, getting on one knee in front of his son who sniffled again and nodded. "..How about daddy carries you the rest of the way and you can just hide your cute little face in his shoulder?" letting the paci all from his mouth Naruto gave a small smile. "I'd wike dat." the little guy in a big boys body said. Minato smirked and picked his son up, letting Naruto hug his neck and wrap his legs around him and then got a arm under the boys puffy bottom, and a hand on the boys back. "Just give daddy a warning before you poot, so he can move his arm, he doesn't want it melted off." Minato teased, making the big toddler giggle. "no pwomises!" Naruto lisped around his paci and nuzzled into daddy.

Getting to the ramen shop, they of course got all eyes looking on them, but by this point Minato was used to it. Naruto squirmed a little though as one little boy pointed and loudly asked his mom a question. "mommy, why's that big boy wearing diapies?" "er..well.." she started. "Naruto might LOOK like a big boy, but he's just a widdle guy." Minato said and gently set Naruto down. The ramen shop was big and popular enough to have a little area for younger kids to play in and with a pat on Naruto's bottom, Minato pointed to the arrangement of soft toys and actions. "Go play while daddy gets us lunch." He said chuckling. "oh! Mommy! can I go play with the little big boy?" the kid from before begged, holding his hands together. "er..well..we were about to leave and-" "Pleasssssse!" the little brunette whined. "Let the boys pay and I'll cover you tab." Minato offered the lady. "well I guess." his mother sighed.

Naruto was blushing lots as he plopped down on his crinkly butt, but the boy, couldn't of been more then 4 or 5 just smiled. "Hi! I'm Akio! what's your name?" He asked, holding out a hand for Naruto to shake. "I-I'm Naruto. N-nice to meet you." The big toddler said, taking the hand and shaking it. while Naruto was in his onsie and sneakers, Akio was dressed in jean shorts and a blue top, looking like SUCH a big kid in the little guy's eyes. "Same here! I've never seen a big boy like you in diapies before, though I've seen some little guys in a outfit like your's at my daycare." the boy said, clearly not trying to insult Naruto but just being bluntly honest like small children was known to be. "O-Oh yeah..it's uh..I like it." Naruto said. "uh-huh! Ninja fox is really all the craze right now at the daycare. I'm more into Ninja buddies myself, but hey, to each their own. did you wanna play action figures with me, or you more wanna play with the stuffies?" Akio asked. "I..I um.." naruto fidgeted and squirmed. "Oh, Should I ask your daddy first? like..are you not allowed to play with action figures?I know some little guys just put everything they can in their mouths." Akio said, smiling and nodding. "N-no I don't chew on stuff!" Naruto weakly protested. "ok, just if you chew on any of the action figures, your daddy will hafa buy them. it's a bigggg rule here." Akio said. Truthfully some of the stuffies looked SUPER tempting, but Naruto didn't wanna make himself look like even more of a baby and scooted on his butt, getting chuckles from those watching the interaction towards the action figures. "So, who do you wanna be? they got a bunch of Ninja buddies here." Akio said, willing to let the 'smaller' boy pick first, just like his mommy had taught him. truthfully Naruto hadn't ever watch the show, and looked around the choices, biting his lip. "Ummm er..I dunno..who do you think is cool?" Naruto asked, trying to cover it up. The little guy picked up that Naruto was clueless and giggled a little. 'guess I shoulda figured, he's all about ninja fox.' Akio thought. "Actually you know what? action figures are totally over rated, why don't we play with the stuffies?" he asked/suggested and patted Naruto head. "You'll have to tell me all about who the coolest though with this Ninja fox stuff. I haven't watched it." he added, trying to humor the big baby. Naruto whined a little, but a big grin came across his face. naturally he'd spent A LOT of time watching the show meant for little kids and began to babble away.

Watching from the counter and chatting off and on with the boys mother, who turned out to be named Yui. "So are you really ready to deal with the horrors of changing diapers again? I couldn't get my little Akio potty trained fast enough." she chuckled, watching the boys roar and having a tiger and fox stuffie mash into each other. "I'll admit, it's not going to be a highlight of this, but well.." Minato started, having given a cover story that Naruto wanted to be a little guy again, not that he'd been busted as a diaper pooping pervert, something that would of ended the play date very fast he was sure. "this is what he wants, and who am I to get in the little guys way?" he finished finally. "I guess." Yui said and chuckled. "they DO look cute playing together. we might have to arrange a play date sometime for the two of them." Minato chuckled and nodded, and was going to say something when he noticed the look on Naruto's face as the little guy froze, on his knees, it was the same face his son had made when he'd been a little guy the first time around, and it always happened right before making 'presents for daddy. "if your really sensitive to smelly things, I'd recommend taking a deep breath now." he said to Yui.

Naruto had almost forgotten about the bulky diapers around his hips as he just relaxed and let himself play, totally thinking of the younger boy as a big kid now and gushing over how cool he was as they had Ninja Fox and samurai Tiger bash against each other. it wasn't till his tummy gurgled while he was on his knees that Naruto crashed back down to earth, recalling he was in diapers, and more to the point: his breakfast wanted to make a exit. A muffled toot escaped his behind before he could start to warn Akio but the other boy just giggled. "hehehe uh-oh, Ninja fox is using a gas attack!" the little guy giggled, then paused as he noted the look on Naruto's face. "er..are you oka-" he started to ask. Started to because the 16 year old hunched over and with a gross fart started to fill the seat of his diapers with next to no control. As his waste poured out of him, more solid then the night before at least, the back of the diapers crackled and ballooned out. the onsie which had been fighting to do it's job waved the proverbial white flag and the buttons popped open, his diapies on full display as he filled them rapidly. "G-Going poopie!" Naruto cried out, a hot jet of pee starting to soak the back of the diaper as the logs kept coming. "er..yeah..I got that.." Akio said, rubbing the back of his head, dropping samurai Tiger and holding his nose. "whew! that's worse then chilli day at the daycare!" "I..I sowwy.." Naruto whimpered, grunting and pushing, tears coming back to his eyes. "H-hey! it's ok! poop happens!" Akio said quickly, dropping to one Knee and popping Naruto's paci in his mouth and giving a reassuring smile, even as he still held his nose. "er Mister, I think your son-" Akio called, looking over to the adults, But Minato was already on his way. "i noticed. thank you for looking after little Naruto for me, but I'll take it from here." Minato said and flipped a coin to the boy who giggled and nodded. "Akio I think it's time we left." Yui called and Akio whined, but nodded. "ooook. Bye Naruto! it was fun playing with you! I go to Lil masters daycare if you wanna play again!" he said and waved bye bye. Naruto nodded and suckled, and waved bye bye as his new (and with this new status as a big baby/toddler) only friend left.

If it hadn't of been for the fact Minato was the Hokage, he was sure they would of been flat out asked to leave, but being the head of the village had it's perks and instead the owner merely asked Minato to change the big baby outside. "I uh..the smell is gonna make people think something gone off in here.." the owner and chef said, rubbing the back of his head. "Fair enough, just get our order ready to go then, I think somebody is gonna want a nap soon." Minato said, Patting Naruto's smelly rear as the big toddler whined and blushed. the site of the 16 year old getting changed on the ground, though he had a changing mat under his butt drew attention from people in the streets, though not too many moved in too close due to the stench coming off the diaper perv. "D-Daddy too many people ar-" Naruto started to whine, but then got a paci popped in his mouth and given a look that told him to keep it in or else. "Dear god, what are you feeding him!?!" One little girl cried, having gotten close because she wanted to watch. but once the diaper was opened up and the smell got even worse she had run back to her mommy, burying her face in her mothers side. "It's all the junk food he eats. this ramen is gonna be a last treat for him, after this it's baby food for widdle Naruto." Minato said and chuckled, getting laughs from the crowd and Naruto covered his face. Despite how mortified Naruto was though, his cute little dicklet was poking strait up, this was again something from a wank fantasy and he was clearly torn between hating all of this and thanking his dad around the paci. "Naruto do you have NO shame!? Getting a stiffie while your dad cleans your stinky ass?" Ino called from the crowd, laughing and shaking her head. "he really doesn't. so don't be shocked if he has a 'accident' while I'm cleaning him." the Hokage chuckled. despite the stink and the disgusting site, Minato was quickly realizing his son might not be the only pervert in the family as he slowly and carefully cleaned his little man up. "If you have any number three accidents little man, you will be getting a extra MONTH in diapers." He said softly to his son, and smirked at the mixed look of terror and lust in the boys eyes as he finished wiping the stinky brat down. Balling the diapers up and using the tapes to keep them closed, he made Naruto hold the poopie diaper on his chest while he got out the new diapers. "I know buddy, that can't smell all that great, but your being such a good widdle helper!" Minato said out loud and the crowd laughed again, and to Naruto's total shame THAT was what doomed him to anther month in diapers, as a big dumb toddler, his dicklet twitching and throbbing and with no stimulation firing off a weak watery load with him barely getting any pleasure from it.

Naruto was basically out of it, barely able to recall most of the trip back home. the utter shame and KNOWING he'd doomed himself to extra time in diapers had fried his widde brain. Getting back home Daddy apparently decided that it would be better if he just out the brain fried BABY to bed, and promised that his son's ramen wouldn't go to waste. Naruto just gurgled and nodded and went night night in daddies room, sucking on a ba-ba of apple juice and thinking about what a total pervert loser he was and giggling even as his eyes closed, and soaked his diapie before going sleepie, both with pee pee and making sure it would be 2 extra months in toddler hood.

the end

[batfam-chaos]

[timkon one shot] home

home

[rating: T | 2,381 words]

Tim returns from a mission exhausted and with a new stab wound. Luckily, Kon is there to take care of him.

read on ao3!

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Tim grits his teeth as he walks through the front door of the apartment that he shares with Kon. He drops his duffel bag down on the rug next to the sofa before allowing himself to finally collapse into the beautiful invention known as cushions.

Letting his head hit the back of the sofa, Tim sighs and contemplates the sharp, unwelcome pain in his ribs. In his experience, getting stabbed will cause things such as pain. Despite being well-acquainted with the sensation, it isn’t exactly pleasant.

Jason stitched the stab wound up for him in addition to giving him a handful of advil that Tim only took two of before stashing the rest in a random drawer in Jason’s apartment while his back was turned. He doesn’t like the way that painkillers make his head feel slow and warm, like it’s wrapped in a blanket of fog. After all, somebody needs to type up a report to inform the Green Lanterns that somebody in Gotham has access to illegal alien tech. Considering how Jason had been up for the past thirty-six hours for their stakeout while Tim has only been awake for the past twenty-four, the choice is obvious.

Bending over to retrieve his laptop from his duffel bag causes the wound in his side to flare with bright, searing pain like his insides are being barbecued on the surface of the sun. Tim gasps and just barely manages to yank his laptop out of the bag as his vision goes spotty.

He takes a moment to let the pain subside into angry throbbing before he opens his laptop, squinting at the sudden onslaught of bright light. Tim unlocks his laptop before pulling up an empty document so he can begin typing his report.

After entering the date and location of the stakeout, he frowns. Didn’t the arms smugglers refer to the alien tech by a particular name? Tim leans back into the couch and stares pensively up at the ceiling. What was that name? He closes his eyes as he plays back each step of busting the arms smuggling ring. There was the initial infiltration, the first time he and Jason were allowed into the warehouse, the excruciating stakeout, and they were finally able to raid the warehouse….

Sometime in the space between one thought and the next, Tim falls asleep.

“Babe,” a familiar voice whispers.

Without opening his eyes, Tim grumbles a response that means something along the lines of please let me continue to fucking sleep. Still, the voice doesn’t relent. “Babe,” it repeats. “Tim. C’mon, you’re going to be sore if you sleep on the couch.”

Tim opens his eyes and finds his boyfriend staring back at him. There’s a slight crease in his brow that means he’s concerned but not overly worried.

“Hi, sleeping beauty,” Kon says with a goofy grin. “I’m just gonna move you to the bed so you can actually sleep.”

Tim grunts in assent and Kon slips his arms around him, preparing to pick him up. However, as soon as Kon’s arm presses against the newly-stitched wound on Tim’s side, Tim gasps in pain and instinctively flinches away.

Kon immediately steps back, snatching his hands back. “Shit, I’m so sorry. Are you hurt?”

Pressing a hand to his side, Tim waves Kon off. “A little. It’s fine.”

That little line in Kon’s brow deepens. “That doesn’t sound like a little.” He kneels in front of Tim, looking up at him worriedly. “Are you okay?”

“It’s not that bad, in the grand scheme of things,” Tim rasps. “I was only lightly stabbed.”

“Lightly stabbed.”

“Yeah, just a little. Didn’t even hit any organs or anything.”

Kon glances at Tim’s computer, which is sitting on the coffee table and still open. “And you were planing on working more?”

Tim shrugs. “I have to type up a report.”

“I’m going to suggest an a different idea. Are you ready?”

Raising one eyebrow, Tim gestures for Kon to proceed.

“See, I was talking to Clark the other day and he said the darndest thing,” Kon begins.

Tim can’t keep himself from snorting. “The ‘darndest thing’?”

“Yes,the darndest thing, hush. He said that humans do this absolutely wild thing, you’re never gonna believe it. It’s called sleeping in a bed,” Kon explains, raising both of his eyebrows. “I’m thinking, hey, why don’t you try it?”

“It’s funny that Clark was the one to say. I’m pretty sure that at least twenty percent of his sleep comes from napping in patches of sunlight on the floor,” Tim remarks. “Also, I do sleep in a bed.”

“When did you last sleep in a bed?” Kon counters.

Closing his eyes, Tim hums loudly. “Sorry, Tim is unavailable right now. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep.”

Laughing quietly, Kon places one warm hand on Tim’s knee and rubs circles into it with his thumb. “If I carry you over with my TTK, will you sleep in a bed?”

Tim cracks open one eye. “Depends.”

“On what?”

“...Will there be food in bed?”

“I can heat up some leftovers and bring them to you.”

At last, Tim nods and shuts both of his eyes. “Very well. Bring me to this ‘bed’ you speak of.”

Laughing, Kon stands up and easily scoops Tim up with his TTK. He’s wrapped up in a gentle pressure, but, noticeably, there’s nothing touching his injured side. Tim lets Kon lace their fingers together and lightly lead Tim by the hand as he floats him into their bedroom. The TTK gently deposits Tim on their bed and he opens his eyes as the mattress dips next to him.

“Hey,” Kon says, smiling down at him.

Tim feels himself smile. “Hi,” he replies, and then Kon leans down and kisses him.

“I missed you,” Kon murmurs against Tim’s mouth before planting another kiss on his lips. Leaning into the kiss, Tim tangles his fingers in Kon’s curls. It’s soft and warm and feels like coming home. When they finally pull away, Kon is breathless and smiling crookedly.

“I missed you too,” Tim tells him, and Kon’s smile widens.

“I’ll go reheat something for you, but I wanna check your side after you eat.”

Raising one eyebrow at Kon, Tim pokes him with his foot. “You just want to see me shirtless.”

“That too,” Kon replies, grinning.

Rolling his eyes, Tim nudges Kon with his foot again, earning a laugh as Kon stands up and heads into the kitchen. Tim closes his eyes again and drifts drowsily until Kon returns with food. Only then does Tim finally heave himself upright, wincing at the way that the motion pulls uncomfortably at his stitches.

Kon flops down in bed next to him, tossing his jacket onto the chair in the corner and scrolling through his phone as Tim eats. It looks like some kind of casserole-- one of Ma Kent’s recipes, no doubt. Tim is hungrier than he thought, so he eats quickly and lets Kon float the now-empty dish onto the nightstand.

Sitting up, Kon sets down his phone and turns to face Tim. “All right, let me take a look at your side?”

Tim nods and starts to pull off his sweater, but the motion tugs painfully at his side. He ends up with his head stuck in his sweater and his arms lost somewhere inside the sleeves. Turning to where he assumes Kon must be, Tim shoots him a despairing look through the fabric. “Help.”

“Sure thing, babe.” Giggling, Kon reaches over and carefully frees Tim’s head, then his arms, from his sweater. He tosses it onto the laundry pile in the corner before turning back to Tim. “There, I saved you from the deadly sweater.”

“You saved my life,” Tim deadpans. “However shall I repay you?”

Kon leans in and wiggles his eyebrows. “You can kiss me, you know.”

Smiling, Tim leans in and kisses Kon. “There you go. Happy?”

Kon kisses him once more before drawing away. “Very. All right, let me take a look at you.” He leans back and his eyes flash white as he activates his x-ray vision. “Well, it didn’t break any bones, so that’s good….”

Tim leans back on his hands and holds still as Kon peers at his side.

“Who did your stitches?”

“Jason. Considering the amount of sleep he’s gotten, they’re pretty good.”

“Must be the bat training. Lesson one, how to lurk ominously. Lesson two, how to stitch yourself up. Lesson three, how to punch things.”

“Actually, we didn’t learn how to do stitches on people until later. Alfred had us practice on oranges first.”

“And how did that go?”

Tim grins. “Poorly.”

Kon laughs quietly and pats Tim’s thigh. “It doesn’t look like any stitches tore. You’re right, it didn’t hit any major organs either. Congratulations, you’re still in one piece.”

Yawning, Tim slowly lays back down. “Great, that’s a dream come true.”

“You’re a dream come true, babe,” Kon replies, settling down on his side next to Tim.

Tim turns his head so he can smile at Kon. “That was a cheesy one.”

Grinning, Kon pecks him on the forehead. “I know. Hey, how sore is your side? Think it can stand some light cuddling?”

“Definitely, get over here.”

Kon wriggles closer and carefully throws his arm over Tim’s waist before pillowing his head on Tim’s shoulder. As always, it’s amazing to watch Kon curl his tall frame into a ball as he clings to Tim.

With a soft sigh, Kon nuzzles Tim’s neck. “I love you.”

Tim kisses the top of Kon’s head. “Love you too,” he murmurs.

They stay like that for a minute as Tim closes his eyes. Without opening them, he asks, “What’s the likelihood of you falling asleep on me within an hour?”

“Pretty high. I found you on the couch right after I came home from work, so I’m pretty tired and you’re a good pillow. I could conk out right here.”

Tim hums. “How was work?”

Even without looking, he can tell that Kon is making a face. “Somebody brought in this bike-- this really nasty piece of work, let me tell you-- and wanted me to fix it up. The thing is, the cost to repair it was almost as much as the bike was worth. I told the customer, hey, it’s not worth it, and he got all up in my face about it.”

“Aw, I’m sorry,” Tim murmurs, carding his fingers through Kon’s hair. “You were only trying to help.”

“Exactly! We ended up fixing it up anyways, but the customer was a jerk when he came to pick it up. It freakin’ sucked,” Kon grumbles into Tim’s chest. “I was just trying to be nice!”

Humming, Tim continues running his hands through Kon’s hair. Kon grows quiet and leans into his hand with a pleased sigh. For a few minutes, Tim pets his hair in silence until a familiar rumble fills the air. Smiling, Tim listens to the soothing sound of Kon’s purring and lets the sensation reverberate around his chest.

“Ah, so you’ve started the engine,” Tim remarks casually.

Without lifting his head, Kon grumbles something in reply but continues purring nonetheless.

“For the record, I still think that your purring should be measured in Konpower, not horsepower.”

Kon opens one eye and snuggles closer to Tim before closing it again. Laughing quietly, Tim kisses the top of his head before settling back onto the bed. He closes his eyes and absently pets Kon’s hair as he purrs.

“Hey, babe,” Kon murmurs when Tim is just beginning to drift. “You know that I’m proud of you, right?”

Tim opens his eyes. “Yeah. Why do you ask?”

“I mean, you’re out there doing all of the superhero stuff alongside us, but you can get injured,” Kon says softly, gazing up at Tim. After a moment, he glances away. “I don’t know. I guess it’s just on my mind because you’re hurt, and everything.”

Tim frowns. “And you’re proud of me for getting injured?”

Shaking his head, Kon’s grip around his waist momentarily tightens. “What I’m trying to say is that you put yourself in danger every time that you’re out there, and that takes guts. That’s all.”

“You can get hurt too,” he says softly. Reaching up to cup Kon’s face, Tim runs his thumb over his cheekbone and watches as Kon’s eyes flutter shut. They don’t often speak of those months when Kon was dead. It happened years ago, now, but Tim still remembers the pain of his loss like a phantom ache in his chest.

Kon inhales a shuddering breath and places his hand over Tim’s. His skin is warm like a miniature sun. “I know,” he whispers. For a moment, the room fills with silence, save for the sound of their quiet breathing. Finally, Kon says, “Still, the way that you run around throwing yourself into every fight you see… I dunno, babe. Seems pretty heroic to me.”

A smile spreads across Tim’s face. “When have you ever known me to back down from a challenge?”

Kon buries his laugh in Tim’s shoulder. “I know, I know. You’re a feral little creature with no fear of god.”

“Exactly.” Tim kisses the top of Kon’s head. “But really, I just want to do the right thing, and sometimes that involves getting into a fight or two. That’s all.”

In response, Kon pushes himself onto his elbows and kisses Tim. When he pulls away, he gently rests their foreheads together. They stay like that, just breathing each other’s air as Tim cups Kon’s face with one hand.

“I really am proud of you,” Kon says at last. “I hate seeing you get hurt, but the shit you do… damn.”

“Somebody has to do it,” Tim replies.

Kon kisses him again before settling down against his side. “You should get some sleep.”

Glancing down at his sweatpants, Tim shrugs. These will do as pajamas. Stifling a yawn, Tim wraps an arm around Kon and pulls him closer. It doesn’t take long for them to fall asleep, all wrapped up in each other. Between the sound of Kon’s soft breathing and his familiar warmth curled into Tim’s side, Tim can finally relax. He’s home.