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tottymatsuno · 3 years

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In The Peach Pit; Saw You Fake It

Author: Roro (tottytown)

Fandom: Osomatsu-san

Pairing: Todomatsu x Reader

Category: Romance, enemies to friends to lovers, coworkers, fake dating

Rating: mature (eventually)

Summary: You hate this guy! First you go on the world's shittiest date, and now he's your coworker?!

Word Count: 3209/26k+ (unfinished, in the process of editing now will most likely be an additional 15k when finished)

Warnings: He's mean? Past trauma in later chapters from a previous abusive relationship.

Commentary: One of the few fics I take the time to establish a brand new relationship instead of throwing you in cold. Y/N-chan is autistic and punk, but respectfully so imo. I'm using a huge amount of my own personal experiences and feelings. I didn't intend for her to be autistic initially but it kinda just happened. As always I write for black girls!

BLMATSU DNI

"Hey, love your style! 💞😍"

You look down at the opening message, ah this Totty guy has a sort of cute aesthetic, you think in agreement. Like a preppy but approachable dorky vibe based off of his profile picture. You think this must be from the My Melody stickers. With a sweet wink and a smile, you don’t even notice the placement of his peace sign near his lips. If you had, maybe you would've swiped left, but Totty’s face seemed so innocent and adorable you didn’t see it.

You're kinda interested in the whole opposites attract theory too. He looks like your preferred type, but unfortunately adorably bubbly boys never want to actually go out with you. Something about you being either too emotionless or too scary. It's their loss though, but you're a bit happy one guy like that seems to have an interest in you enough to initiate contact.

It takes a little bit for your break to arrive so you can respond. After ordering your lunch and latte - the order that always gets a comment from Ryo about not really fitting your vibe since it's not black coffee or something. You always get a good laugh out of requesting the most ridiculous thing you could think of everyday. Today's request is of a horrific caricature of a seagull stealing fries.

With lunch in hand you reply in the break room to get away from the slight afternoon rush and harsh lights of the store.

"Sup. 😎 I dig yours too, so do you like Sanrio stuff? 👀"

The reply is instant which is a surprise but a pleasant one.

"Yes ofc! 🥰 My absolute fave is My Melody, isn't she just the cutest? 😍 What's yours?"

You think about for a moment, who is your favorite? A little face pops in your mind.

"Konmi, she's a hard worker. 💪🏾 I really like all of the Kuromi 5 though 🧐, but if I had to pick it'd be Konmi."

There's a gap in between the replies which doesn't bother you too much. Totty or whatever is probably busy too since it's the middle of the day.

"Ah, that makes sense. I thought you seem more like a Kiki or Batz Maru fan. You might have been my fated person 💞 if Kuromi herself was your favorite.😘"

You snort a little before texting a quick reply of, "You might’ve been jumping the gun saying that tho."

The day follows on with that sort of half dry banter, Totty doesn't seem like a bad guy or anything. Just bland. That's okay though because not everyone's charms shine through in text. You get it, after all your dry sense of humor doesn’t really ring true through text either. You're willing to look past that since texting is always a bit awkward with strangers no matter what.

Plus you only want to try getting a boyfriend since the guy you're actually interested in seems to be content to string you along without a real rejection either way. There's two tickets intended as a date with your crush, Daisuke in the small homegoods section that are just burning a hole in your pocket. You felt silly inviting Daisuke to an event that you were only interested in without considering his feelings when he politely turned you down. Oh well though.

You invite Totty to the San-x event instead because it might be better to get to know someone new? You wouldn't mind going by yourself however but it really sucks standing out so much when you're alone. As much fun it is to flip people off and show your pierced tongue to anyone who whispers about you it gets tiring constantly having to ask if randos have ‘a fucking problem?!'

Being scary is hard work, don't get you wrong though! It feeds your ego that ripped skinny jeans, a little dark make up and a choker makes you terrifying; sometimes it'd just be nice to go on a normal date. After all you don’t even have any visible tattoos!

And the whole cigarette smoke filled punk bar isn't your scene now that you go through nicotine withdrawals. Plus getting black out drunk isn't good for the upward mobility at your job and self medicating with those two substances hasn’t ever gotten you anywhere.

Totty seems a bit too eager to meet up, you think over the following days approaching the event. Constant texts about how exciting it is to meet and other obvious bullshitting pleasantries.

He even asked to have a phone conversation with you, which you agreed to! Turns out the only time he had available to talk was a five minute window that got cut short.

“Good mornin-- Jyushimatsu-niisan! I’m on the phone!” followed by what sounded like the loud sound of splashing water.

The call ended before you could even say anything, but you did hear a shriek as it ended. You sat on pins and needles your entire break sending text messages to confirm the exact five minutes you could speak to him only for it to end so abruptly.

After a few hours, Totty sent multiple messages apologizing, and complimenting your voice he did not even get to hear. Seems really fake but once again you'll give him the benefit of the doubt because whatever happened on his end sounded overwhelming.

If you're just misreading it Totty's sincerity will actually be really adorable and sweet.

On the day of the event you dress to impress with all of your piercings in and cutest outfit. Oh, the sacred counsel of Teddy Bears had to be called out in order for you to determine the right amount of color for your outfit.

Black yes was a given, but since it’s a San-X event should you have gone neon or pastel? You went pastel in the end, with a small assortment of cutely cool colors that wouldn’t draw too much attention to themselves but would compliment your outfit otherwise. And of course your make up was carefully applied too.

You went with a dark lipstick instead of black, because you knew sometimes the whole 100% punk thing can be intimidating. But all in all you look great! After all today you could finally end up with a bubblegum boyfriend like you've always wanted!

Ah, this is a route you don’t go on very often isn’t it? You left your apartment extra early to board the train heading southbound.

You’ll need to make two transfers and then walk some but you aren’t familiar with this area in order to find the last short bus route where you agreed to take together.

You also aren’t great at following the phone map. As you walked you searched for your compass because you needed to go east from the train only to find you forgot it at home.

“Um, excuse me...Which way is east from here?” You quietly ask a nice middle aged woman, who blinks in response.

“Let me think, I believe you’re heading down the right way.” She points forward. You notice a glint of hesitation in her eyes, and are grateful she still helped you out even if she seems apprehensive to do so.

“Thank you so much for your help!” When you smile at her, she begins to stop you.

“Excuse me. Do you work at that bookstore not too far from here?”

That’s where it clicks!

“Oh, yes I do! I’m so sorry for not recognizing you, valued customer I have slight face blindness!” Which is true, if you don’t expect to see someone outside of a certain context you don’t even register who they are.

It’s happened so many times, and you have lost friends because of it. You sorta thought you recognized her voice, but now that you think about it this woman is a semi regular.

“Ah, it’s okay. I don’t mean to keep you but I heard there might be new event with housewives in mind, do you know when it will take place?”

She asks very sweetly. “Yes! We’re in the middle of preparing it now, so it’ll be happening in two weeks. It’s for our newly expanded Josei section! We’re trying to attract more women and girls to the store so in the event we’re going to take a survey and find out which new manga titles are the most highly anticipated! We’ll also have a demo for an upcoming joseimuke game by a popular studio! If those don’t interest you, there will be a sale on dramas and later on that day we will have a special surprise comedy guest!”

You excitedly tell her of this large event, you’re so happy she asked about it! You hand her a coupon booklet as well, “These will get you discounts too!” You chatted her ear off for a while, until she asks you, “Oh yes, are you heading east for that event down the road?” while looking at her watch.

“The San-X one? Yes, I am!” You answer diligently.

“The next bus is scheduled soon then, you should run along so you aren’t late!” You look at your phone and with a friendly wave good bye you haul ass so you aren’t late!

Which you weren’t! In fact you still arrived fairly early.

Totty isn’t here yet, so you decide to wait.

And you wait.

And wait. Two buses go by without you aboard.

You wait well past the agreed upon meetup time and just as you were going to head on by yourself, Totty finally shows up. You actually know he's approaching from a distance for multiple reasons you don't wanna get into just yet.

But you will say that Totty is a bit of a disappointment to be honest. It might not just be his outfit or anything but the fact he physically recoils when meeting you at the bus station is a real turn off.

"Heh...hehe...um, it's nice to finally meet you! I'm Todomatsu, but cute girls call me Totty." It was obviously a forced greeting, the guy was sweating and clearly trying not to run away.

"Same to you, Totty." Your reply is even because it might be just a shock to see someone dressed like you out of nowhere.

One look on his face tells you Totty actually seems a bit offended you called him by the nickname. Alright. Won't do that again. An unhealthy amount of silence takes place as you wait for the 3rd bus to pull over to allow boarding. Rudely Todomatsu cuts in front of you to pay first, but as you wait the polite distance you notice him struggling to get enough change for the fare. Uh, that’s weird. “Want me to handle that?”

You ask from over his shoulder while he counts his small amount of change. It’s definitely not enough fare. Todomatsu yelps at the sound of your voice and embarrassingly throws his change in the till.

The driver gives him a semi disgusted face and you totally get it while Todomatsu digs in all of his pockets with growing desperation. Finally you wordlessly pop the remaining coins in with your own fare.

The bus ride is very boring since Todomatsu barely responds to your attempts at small talk, plus his body language is totally uncomfortable and it's making you feel weird.

The ride is also shittier than a usual bad date because Todomatsu fucking stinks. Like not of body odor, but this cheap ass "my first body mist" found rattling inside the trashcan of a 3rd year middle school girl's room.

The smell of the overwhelming alcohol and whatever is supposed to make the 'sugar pink kiss pop' is popping you a major headache in the close quarters.

Eventually you get to the event. This is feeling like you’re pulling your teeth out to be honest, the absolutely awkward and silent treatment is killing you! Once standing in line Todomatsu finally begins to warm up to you a bit, and by warm up you mean he starts "charming" you with PUA tactics.

"Aren't you hot in all of that black? I couldn't wear all of that, I'm getting hot just looking at you. Do you want me to get you a drink? You can pay me back later." Todomatsu's smile at this point is a fraction less strained but still incredibly manufactured. You can tell he felt cringy winking and the second hand embarrassment is gross.

"With what money? Besides I'm not hot. I was wondering if I should get you something instead since you’re so broke and I can see your pit stains. You probably need some water after sweating so much."

Todomatsu doesn't appreciate your comment, the second you turn away to look at your placement in line you swear catch a glimpse of something demonic.

"Soo, which one are you going to take the picture with?" Todomatsu asks with a pinned on grimace-smile. While his tone was casual and even you could tell he wasn’t enjoying this date. You literally haven’t even done anything wrong or weird, which makes you angry because this fucked up aura is on him.

"Rilakkuma. I'm gonna hug that big cuddly sonvabitch until his lil button eyes go pop." You wiggle your hugging fingers in a silly way in anticipation for the bear hugging to lighten the mood.

Todomatsu laughs nervously, "We might get kicked out if you hug that hard..."

"Oh! Maybe they'll just let me unzip his costume and reveal his true form? Isn't it time the people know who's in there?" You know that Rilakkuma is being acted by the person wearing the costume... But maybe there's a hint to Rilakkuma's comic book true identity. Like the actor wearing a little shirt with a clue?

"A man. A very sweaty man who isn't paid is enough to be here is inside of that costume." Todomatsu is sorta a buzz kill, huh?

"Could be an even smaller bear though, maybe a little AI thingy? I've heard those guys are hanging around nowadays."

You're just trying to shoot the breeze at this point, but you can feel your chill cool girl image cracking. You start glaring at the massive line ahead, this isn't really what you expected. Todomatsu seems to catch onto your new forming negative energy too.

The sun glaring into your light sensitive eyes also has a negative effect on your growing bad mood. Usually you enjoy the slight strain when you get to see the big blue sky, but today it isn’t working. Nor is the feeling of the sun on your skin making you feel better, instead you just feel muggy and uncomfortable.

"Yeah. AI. Those are around I guess..." Todomatsu begins leaning over every few minutes to frantically text someone until you glance at him. This scares him further for literally no reason. You barely even looked at him!

You must look hella annoyed at this point, but you say nothing. Not until it's your turn to take a picture with Rilakkuma, which more than brightens your mood immediately.

You were nearly bouncing off of the heels of your platforms the closer you got to Rilakkuma. Yeah, there's other little mascots but Rilakkuma is the original and the most popular for a reason! He's soo cute!! As you hug the little teddy bear you couldn't help but squeal in delight that you loved him!

You feel the shoujo sparkles everywhere, and the weight lifted from your poor heart makes you feel light and airy! When your picture was snapped, you floated off giggling to yourself on a cloud of hopes and dreams.

When you receive the snapshot you nearly twirl when hugging it close to your heart. You look back at Rilakkuma who gives a slight wave in your direction which makes you even happier! The sunshine never felt so sweet before.

“I love you, Rilakkuma! See you again later!” You wave back overly ecstatic.

"So you can make expressions like that too?" Oh. Yeah. Your date.

Like your aforementioned hopes and dreams shattering at once by a voice that honestly should be attached to an idol instead of this dickhead.

"Yeah, with the right motivation." You look at your printed picture but feel like the happiness from it has been stolen a little.

"You should smile more, you'd look way less scary. I had no idea there was such a cute face under all of that edgy doom and gloom." Yeah, Todomatsu is an asshole. This isn't gonna work out at all.

You don't bother to look up from your picture yet as Todomatsu berates you in efforts to smile more. After a few seconds of debate you decide to pull the plug on whatever the hell this was.

"Yeah, not feeling this anymore so I'm gonna go alone from here. Bye." You tuck the picture in a little keepsafe holder before turning to leave.

Todomatsu audibly gasps, even stamping his feet so childishly. "Have fun kissing a metal detector instead of a guy, you weirdo! I only stayed this long because I felt bad for you anyways!"

“You messaged me first.” You tell him quietly with gritted teeth, feeling so much more than offended.

“I swipe right on every girl, and send that line to everyone who matches with me! You weren’t special! Do you know how lucky you are that I even came out here to meet with you?! You look like a vampire! It’s scary!”

You won't let him get away with insulting you after giving his ass the benefit of the doubt multiple times.

The fury bubbles up in your throat until it boils over. But. Instead of cursing or screaming at Todomatsu you pin point in that exact moment how to render him to devastation.

With a calm voice you tell him, "I wonder if anyone would actually ever like the real you, and not the artificial dollar store signature scent version of it. Probably not, you seem nauseating either way."

After finally walking away for good you're consumed with thoughts. Shit, you should've said 'instead of pretending to stomach your artificial dollar store signature scent ass' or something! Aw fuck it would have been great to let him know you were legit going to throw up next to him on the bus too.

You think about these things going around the event, of course your mind takes breaks from new insults when you buy one of every Jinbeisan merch for sale. You stock up on other various cuties, take more pictures and just generally have a great rest of the day on your own. You even got ice cream!

Eating alone at a bench is a bit lonely, you would have much preferred your date to work out if you're honest... But you'd rather be alone than ignore hot pink flags. You're not desperate enough to go out with that guy.

You had to buy totes to carry all of the lil things you bought and it cost you all of your fun money for the month, but it was so worth it. You'll probably deck out your phone tonight and maybe put all of the new stickers onto anything you could get your hands on. Whatever this uncomfortable feeling is will pass, and you'll forget all about it.

#todomatsu x reader #matsuno todomatsu x reader #totty x reader #osomatsu san #todomatsu matsuno x reader #todomatsu x si #Todomatsu #Why were the spaces weird...#I h8 tumblr 😭#HOW COULD I FORGET THERES FAKE DATING IN THIS...#I'm back to reformat this since it got fucked in uploading it #Roros fics #peachpit fic #ppfic c1

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deannawads · 6 years

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Meet Michael from MURDER MOST LOVELY, a book co-written by Hank Edwards & ME!

I’m so excited to officially announce that Hank Edwards and I wrote a book together!!!

It will be coming out early next year! It’s entitled:

MURDER MOST LOVELY

Lacetown Murder Mysteries: Case One

It’s weird and awesome how things turn out sometimes, and when you least expect it. I’m so happy that I’ve had the chance to go on this fabulous journey with the super talented Hank Edwards. Writing with him has been so effortless that it’s a bit surreal. Our styles mesh so well, sometimes I can’t remember which of us wrote what sentence LOL

It all started on February 3, 2018 at 9:26 PM, I sent Hank these DMs on Facebook:

“Full disclosure: I’m drinking tonight lol…..but I think we should write a book together #justsayin”

“It would be EPIC!”

Hank thought it would be epic fun too, though he’d never co-authored a book together. I have, though it still remains unpublished. I’ve long been a fan of Hank’s books and our humor is so similar, I thought it seemed like a grand idea to co-write something together.

And it wasn’t just the whisky talking LOL.

We both belong to the Michigan LGBTQ Writers—though I’m the Michigan-born Ohio-raised exception in the group, and we see each other often at local Pride events. We always have a ton of fun when we are together, so I assumed we would easily be able to write together.

But what to write?

That it would be a gay romance was a no-brainer, but the sub-genres were endless. We’ve both written YA, historical, contemporary and paranormal, so our options were broad to say the least. I suggested even writing a book based off Billy Joel’s song Uptown Girl and calling to Uptown Boy, LOL

Through a few more chats, Hank had this pearl:

“I think, just knowing our writing styles, we could write the ever-loving fuck out of a contemporary rom-com. What do you think?”

Well, I totally agreed!

So with a genre decided, we needed a game plan. Thinking we should come up with a central setting, I spewed off a laundry list of settings—gay bar, funeral parlor, casino, a sexy house cleaning service with happy endings, a real comic book super hero. Hank narrowed it down and I loved the idea!

“Hello! And I like the idea of a central setting. Would be awesome if it became a series. I like your suggestions, and I think the beauty salon idea is great since you’ve got some really good knowledge about that area. I know nothing about it, but funeral parlor really jumped out at me and made me laugh. What about a beauty salon AND a funeral home in a small Midwest town, like OH or MI? Like, would someone from the beauty shop be hired to work on the bodies at the local funeral home?”

And so MURDER MOST LOVELY was born….

We have had a blast writing our Lacetown Murder Mysteries that we would like to involve you in a part of our writing process. With our setting decided, we needed to create our mortician and our hairdresser. I thought it would be good if we each just created one character then we put them together and see what happens. Though my day job is a cosmetologist, Hank created our hairdresser hero and I happily made up the mortician.

It was so much fun making up a character then sending it off to Hank as I excitedly waited to see whom he had created. It was almost like I was a matchmaker for my character but I had no idea who Hank was sending on his blind date!

Meet Michael Fleishman, age 42

Michael is a mortician who runs the Fleishman Funeral Parlor in Lacetown, Michigan, and he has been the county coroner for 13 years. He is quiet and awkward Jewish man, and he doesn’t date a lot or have many fiends besides his gregarious grandpa who still calls him Mikey, and his fat black-and-white tabby cat Mr. Pickles Furryton the Third—the latter goes with him to the funeral parlor every day.

I envisioned Michael looking like a geeky version of Luke Wilson, but with glasses. He is fastidious in his attire, and always polite yet very reserved. He’s awkward in his own skin, but as we all know, still waters run deep. That’s why I made Michael a Virgo, the most uptight of all horoscope signs IMO, but also the biggest freak between the sheets. Which you can imagine, led to some fun options for our—at the time—unwritten MSS.

Michael is an avid mystery reader and often fantasizes about solving a mystery like his favorite fictional character Brock Hammer. Not that such a thing would ever happen in the sleepy Lake Michigan village of Lacetown. The most exciting case Michael’s ever been called on to work was when Mrs. Briarwood caught her husband in bed with Abigail Smithers from the Marathon Station, and shot him with a crossbow in the scrotum.

Please enjoy the first half of chapter one of MURDER MOST LOVELY—Lacetown Murder Mysteries Case One. For the second half of the chapter and a chance to learn how Hank created Michael’s soon-to-be paramour visit this link: https://www.hankedwardsbooks.com/2018/10/06/murder-most-lovely/

Murder Most Lovely

Lacetown Murder Mysteries: Case One

Chapter One

Mr. Pickles will be so excited when I get home, Michael Fleishman thought.

Well, he wasn’t really sure if the taciturn cat would care if he had ten of his Brock Hammer novels signed by the author, but Michael would be excited.

He parked his tan Camry in the last available angled parking space on Main Street, unable to believe his luck finding a place to park. He ordinarily would’ve walked, living so close, but he wouldn’t risk getting any of his paperbacks or the two hardcovers wet in the rain.

Lacetown was crowded for the Great Lakes Literary Fest. Today was the first day of the three day festival, and sadly the tail end of a late-spring storm front. The festival kicked off the busy tourist season for their lakeside village and, despite the rain, the streets were busy with fans and visitors hunched under umbrellas visiting all the authors at the afternoon signing event. The lesser-known authors were trying to stay dry under tents in the town square, but most of the big name authors had been moved indoors for their signings, the bars and restaurants serving as makeshift bookstores.

And in Michael’s mind, there weren’t many big names in fiction that he wanted to meet more than Russell Withingham.

He’d checked the festival website before leaving the house and knew Mr. Withingham would be inside Kelsey’s Bar & Grill. There was a small line forming outside already so Michael grabbed his bag of books and his umbrella, and then hurried to join them.

A woman he didn’t recognize in line in front of him smiled and he nodded politely. There were always strange faces in their little Lake Michigan lakeside town during the summer. Tourists mostly, and this weekend literary fans.

The crashing sound of waves drew Michael’s attention behind him. Main Street ended at Route 412 and on the other side a boardwalk overlooking their unswimmable portion of Lake Michigan. Large waves crested, crashing in places over the spacious boardwalk stretching the length of town. He spied a few unfortunate tourists who didn’t have the wherewithal to see the obvious safety hazard of being out there when the lake was unhappy.

Hoping no one would be hurt, he adjusted his bag on his shoulder and tried to keep his umbrella from poking the lady’s in front of him. Fleishman Funeral Home only had gigantic golf umbrellas for services, and he was glad for it when the rain picked up and a gust blew mist onto his glasses. He shoved them in his front shirt pocket, knowing there would be no use keeping them clean until he was inside.

“Shit, I thought this rain was supposed to let up this afternoon,” a deep masculine voice from behind Michael said.

Michael turned and drew up short.

“Whoa there, pal, you could take an eye out with that thing.”

For a heartbeat Michael froze and just stared.

The man in line behind him had a long face and wheat colored hair swept back from a low brow and into a ponytail. Eyes the color of cognac had just enough sparkle to make Michael smile and conjure thoughts of mischief and long summer romances.

And you’re staring at him like a ninny!

Michael hastily stepped back so as to not poke the gorgeous man in the eye with his umbrella. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, watch it,” the lady in front of him snapped. “You’re soaking me!”

Michael jumped when he realized his big umbrella had slipped beneath hers and was funneling water right onto her.

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry,” he said at once, stepping back the other way.

“Whoa, whoa,” ponytail guy said again, reaching up to take hold of the eye-level pin on Michael’s umbrella. “How about I just join you?” And then he stepped under the huge umbrella with Michael.

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Michael managed, squirming a little. “There’s plenty of room.”

The man used both hands to brush a few wayward strands of blond hair off his face, his tanned skin glistening from the rain. He wore a ring on a long well-manicured index finger. Smiling, he held out a hand. “I’m Jazz Dilworth.”

What a strange name. Sounds like something in a mystery novel.

He quickly shook the proffered hand. “Michael Fleishman.”

Jazz flipped a thumb behind him. “I work across the street at Misty’s Makeover Palace.” He furrowed tidy brows. “Fleishman, like the funeral parlor?”

“Eew,” the lady in front of him said with a distinct Valley Girl attitude.

Michael maintained his polite mortician smile. Sadly, he was used to the reaction.

Hence his lackluster love life.

Expecting Jazz to make some equally grossed out remark and leave the safety of the umbrella, Michael looked back at him.

But Jazz was smiling, his white teeth radiant and even. “That explains the planet-sized umbrella. Only ever see those at funerals and on golf courses.”

Michael’s facial muscles softened, and the smile he gave Jazz was more genuine, relaxed. “Yeah, they come in handy.”

Jazz grinned, “I bet they do.”

This man was gorgeous. He had to be younger than Michael. But more importantly, he had the potential for being gay since he was a hairdresser. Well aware of his stereotyping, Michael was nonetheless hopeful.

Michael wasn’t the best flirt, but sharing an umbrella with an attractive man in front of a bar acting as a makeshift bookstore felt like the opening of a rom-com, so he was ready to give it the ol’ college try.

“Are you a fan of the Brock Hammer novels too?” he asked, glad his glasses were in his pocket. Jazz stood so close Michael didn’t even need them to clearly see his handsome face.

Jazz scoffed. “Used to be.”

“Oh.” Michael’s heart fell. So much for common interests. “Did you know this line is to meet him?”

“I know, all right. The fucker’s been ducking my calls for weeks.”

Michael flinched at the man’s crass remark. “You know Russell Withingham?”

“Married to him,” Jazz said. “Separated.”

So he is gay… Michael shook his head. “Wait, what?”

Those warm brown eyes met his, and Jazz smiled. “Separated,” he said again. “Permanently. He’s supposed to still be making my car payment, and I just got a call from the bank. He hasn’t made the last two payments.”

Michael didn’t know if he was more disappointed to find out his favorite author was a jerk, or excited to know the man under his umbrella was gay and single.

Well, possibly single.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Michael offered.

Jazz shrugged. “Nothing for you to be sorry for,” he quipped. “In fact, I should be thanking you for sharing your umbrella with me. Nothing worse than running into an ex with your hair all soaking wet, looking like a hot mess. I wanna look good when I tell him off. You know, make him regret losing me.”

Michael couldn’t help his involuntary head-to-toe sweep of Jazz’s solid body. Any man who would give up all that hunkiness had to be nuts.

Oh the things Michael would do with him if he could. I’d drip hot candle wax on each of his nipples while I rode….

Awkward, Michael cleared his throat when he realized Jazz was staring right at him. Michael’s face heated. Thankfully the guy couldn’t read his thoughts. “I’m sure he’ll regret it. You look great.”

Jazz’s grin widened and he tugged a little on the vest he wore over a white V-neck T-shirt. “Thanks.”

Still feeling warm in the face—among other places now—Michael smiled back. “You’re welcome.”

“I used to love Russell’s books. Was totally a fan girl.” Jazz leaned in and spoke softly. “The first dozen were great, now they’re crap, if you don’t mind my saying.”

While Jazz was only whispering closely so the other fans might not hear, Michael relished his nearness. “Yeah, that’s why I only brought the first ten to get signed.”

“Ten?” Jazz’s brows shot up.

He worried his upper lip. “Is that too many?”

Jazz laughed, a free, easy sound. “Oh, Russ will be thrilled. Trust me.”

Granted Russell Withingham might be a bad husband, but Michael loved his books and didn’t want to annoy the man.

Looking for something to discuss besides Jazz’s ex, Michael said, “Your boss Misty does work for me sometimes. She took care of one of my clients for her funeral yesterday.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“She doesn’t like it,” Michael confessed.

“I know,” Jazz agreed. “I heard all about it.”

“You did?” He had no idea Misty disliked styling his clients so much that she might be complaining about it.

“Yeah, creeps her out,” Jazz said. “I don’t know why. You stay in this business long enough, eventually you get a call to give a client their last doo. I don’t know where they’re going in the next life, but I’ll be damned if any of my clients get to the other side with their hair a wreck.”

“You’ve cared for the deceased before?” Michael asked, pleasantly surprised. Most people were freaked out by what he did for a living. Running the largest funeral parlor in the county, and being appointed County Coroner, should have brought him prestige and respectability, and he supposed it did in some circles. But working with dead people left most folks unsettled, rather than endearing anyone to him.

“Sure,” Jazz said with a casual shrug. “I don’t see the big deal.”

Grinning wide, Michael fished in his pocket for the leather business card holder he never left the house without. He flipped it open and withdrew a card. “If you’d like some extra work, I’d love to have you.” He heard how that sounded, and quickly added, “Um, have you do some styling for me. I mean, for my clients.”

Jazz smiled as he took the card. “I know what you meant. And Misty will be thrilled.” Then he dug in his front pocket, the jeans just tight enough in all the right places, that when his hand filled the denim it accentuated his nice package. “Here’s my card. You can get my references from Misty, if you want.”

Michael was still smiling as he took the card and carefully placed it into his card holder. “I’m sure that you’re more than qualified. You said you’ve been in the business a while.”

“Knocking on thirty years.”

Michael scoffed. “Did you start in preschool?”

“Hardly,” Jazz laughed. “A good hair colorist and access to the finest beauty products all culminate for the perfect illusion.” He leaned in. “I’m forty-one.”

“Me too,” Michael said. “But you don’t look a day over thirty-one.”

Jazz put his hand on his chest. “Oh, you flatter me.”

The line inched closer to the door.

“Jazz, is that a nickname?”

“Short for Jasper. I can be a little jazzy, and I love music, so there you go. But I can’t play or read music.”

“Me neither. No artistic talent whatsoever.”

Jazz frowned. “Your work has a bit of art to it.”

He shrugged. “Maybe. But I’m rubbish with the hair. That’s why I need Misty for my female clients.”

“Good thing you met me today.”

Now he was grinning like a fool, but he couldn’t help it. “Yes. Good thing.”

Far too soon for Michael’s liking, they reached the door and stepped inside. He had to close and shake off his umbrella, which sadly ended whatever private and possibly flirtatious moment he’d been sharing with the gorgeous Jazz.

Jazz scanned the bar, jaw set.

Helping him out, Michael pointed to the back corner, where a middle-aged man with thinning blond hair, a black velour blazer, and burgundy ascot sat behind a table with mounds of books. “He’s over there.”

“Thanks,” Jazz said, his shoulders relaxing. He gestured to Michael’s umbrella. “Mind if I hold that till I get up there?”

Michael realized Jazz wanted it to hide from his ex until he got closer. And while not wanting to get involved, Michael liked the idea of having a chance to spend more time conversing.

Jazz held the umbrella over one shoulder and turned so it blocked his profile from Russell’s view. Michael stood behind Jazz and watched as drops of rain ran down the side of his neck. He longed to let his tongue follow the rain down beneath the neck of Jazz’s T-shirt. But that wasn’t something he did, and not only because he was a Lacetown business owner. He needed to work on relaxing and letting go of his inhibitions. At least that’s what all his exes had told him. One even went so far as saying Michael’s clients had more warmth than him.

Ouch.

“So you’ve lived here all your life?”

Michael blinked. “What? Oh. Here in Lacetown?”

Jazz grinned. “No, here in the bar.”

A blush heated Michael’s cheeks. “Sorry. I was woolgathering.”

“I like that.”

“What?”

“Woolgathering. It’s not used that often anymore. I like it.”

“Oh. Well. Thank you. And, yes, I was born and raised here.” Michael cleared his throat and looked away, then back. The bag of books suddenly seemed very heavy, and he switched shoulders. Jazz held his gaze, warm brown eyes locked onto Michael’s.

“So what happened between you two?” The words were out before Michael could run them through his mental filter to see if they were appropriate.

Jazz’s forehead furrowed. “Me and Russell?”

Panic zinged through Michael. “I’m sorry. That was a very personal question, and we just met. Forget I asked.”

“No, it’s okay.” Jazz took a step closer and lowered his voice. “Russell likes his side dishes.”

“Side dishes?” Candied yams popped into Michael’s mind.

“You know.” Jazz glanced at the woman in front of them who seemed to be leaning back and listening. He moved fast, putting a hand on her shoulder and easing her forward and away from them as he said, “Careful there. Looked like you were about to tip over. Wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself before you get to meet Russell Withingham.”

“Oh, no… I wasn’t… I wouldn’t…” The woman’s cheeks flushed and she took a step forward.

“There you go.” Jazz turned back to Michael with a grin. “Where was I?”

READ THE REST OF THE CHAPTER HERE: https://www.hankedwardsbooks.com/2018/10/06/murder-most-lovely/

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