#hermie the unworthy character study

[satanickpanick]

“It was nothing personal, Normal.”

Catchy one-liners were kinda Hermie’s thing. Quips were masks, cheesy pickups were shields, and answering a question with a question was as good as a magic forcefield. Hermie was a master deflector, even when he could admit that mayyybe he should’ve been a little bit more serious. Moments like this, when his sort-of-best-friend-practically-blood-rival-totally-not-crush caught him red- (or, perhaps, green-and-white-) handed in the act of finally, finally taking what he’d come for.

Teeny the Teen had achieved almost godlike status by the time Hermie had set out on his mission. A relic of immense social power, its foam head and sweat-stained jersey were the stuff of legends at Chaperell. At least since Hermie’s eighth-grade visits to the CHS theatre department’s special behind-the-scenes performances, and very evidently far, far into the past, Teeny had been coveted for his heritage at San Dimas Public, and his longstanding rivalry with CHS. The funny thing was that the closer Hermie’d got to his goal, the deeper he’d gotten into the… everything that he had been totally unprepared to face in his subterfuge, the more he’d forgotten about Teeny. The idol that was the mascot had taken a backseat to actual idols, new worlds, new wounds, new friends- and to the man who wore the suit. He’d been poisoned, burned, fireballed, ignored… and he’d made friends, he thought. Real friends, sort of, despite- well, everything. Taylor at least thought he was a worthy (ha) sidekick, and Normal- Normal encouraged him. He sided with him, he spoke to him like an equal. That was more than Hermie could say about his colleagues in both CHS and SDPHS theatre. And- well, Normal had thought that the Hermie he’d pecked on the cheek in Hell had been real. That had been nice to think about, just a little. And when it came down to it, Normal was always the first to say hey, let’s see what Hermie thinks! or where did Hermie go?

Ah, the Romeo and Juliet, the Musical, Abridged of it all, Hermie thought as he landed assfirst, cushioned by Teeny’s head, in Sparrow Oak-Swallows-Garcia’s hydrangeas. Two high schools, both alike in dignity, in fair San Dimas-Earth-Faerun-Hell where we lay our scene… Fuck, he was in wayyyyy too deep. How was he supposed to recover from this? How was he supposed to go back to CHS, where he’d be a hero- but alone? He’d fooled himself, when he’d started this particular piece of chicanery, that things would be different when he returned to his home turf with Teeny the Teen held high. That he’d be Hermie the Worthy, the hero, the star. But he’d had some time to reflect, to change, to figure out who he was- and it wasn’t that.

It really wasn’t. And well- seniors were gonna senior. They weren’t gonna respect him any more than they respected each other. How was he supposed to go back to the way things used to be, now that he’d literally been to Hell and back? He couldn’t, not after what he’d seen and done, alongside the enemy, at that. He hugged the mascot (that smells distinctly, nastily, comfortingly of Normal) (Normal who definitely found his school ID and definitely hated his guts for this) close.

No, it wasn’t personal. Not at first.

But what was he supposed to do now?

[cosmiado]

hello fellow Hermie enjoyers. may i offer you a fic in these trying times

[rheney]

A look into Herman Unworthy's crowded head

Massive spoilers for Dungeons and Daddies S2 Ep31!

Herman was extremely pleased with himself.

The mission had taken weeks of preparation, months of infiltration, trips to other dimensions and a full and complete dedication to his role. But he’d done it. He had pulled a scam so intense, it had opened a portal to the goof dimension. He may have broken a few hearts in the process, but in the end everybody involved got what they wanted and wasn’t that the beauty of a perfect scam?

He had stolen the St. Dimas High School mascot outfit, their arch enemy’s beloved Teenie the Teen. A theft deemed impossible by the entirety of Chaparell High School. They’d never taken him seriously back home. He could still hear the sneers: “Oh, what’re you gonna do? Method act yourself to the costume?”. Yes, that was exactly what he did and it had worked perfectly. He’d shown them. If he went home and earned their admiration it had been worth it. Possibly.

The infiltration had gone smoothly. Herman Unworthy tried hard to invent a new character to play at St. Dimas High School, but once he really thought about it, it was the easiest role he’ could take. He already was a High School kid after all. So at St. Dimas High School he would be Hermie the Unworthy, a method-acting thespian drama club teen. The only thing he dropped in his character description was the mascot part. He was also wearing glasses now.

Keeping the role this close to his usual life even allowed him to study and adept new roles on top of Hermie. It was delightful how everything fell into place. Yes, well, putting on the fascinating character of the Joker for the upcoming St. Dimas musical show was distracting and potentially harmful to the mission, but how could he resist? In the end it had turned out just fine.

Herman was proud of the little scam he pulled to get close to the mascot kid. Using the Joker to prey on the kid’s scary friend, pretending to befriend the kid to get close to her while actually getting closer to the kid himself? Absolutely brilliant and it had worked like a charm.

Only Normal Oak had his own charms. “You know what, I will fix your broken pieces, Hermie the Unworthy”, he’d announced the very first time they talked one on one. And it had hit hard. So hard Joker had wanted to hit back. But luckily Herman wasn’t a fighter and had smoothed their unconsidered attack into a flirty move. Oak hadn’t been impressed, but hadn’t pushed Herman away either. Quite the contrary.

Even though Oak had a hard time at prom he’d been nothing but sweet to Hermie. How dare his arch enemy care about him? Though it didn’t take long for Herman to register, that Oak cared about everything and everyone.

Of course he’d known that Normal Oak cared about his inferior High School, it’s student and teams and especially the factual manifestation of it’s pride in the form of a mascot costume. His dedication to wearing the heavy outfit full-time to keep it safe had earned him the reputation of an insurmountable obstacle at Chaparell High School.

But it didn’t end here. Oak lived for his School. He knew everybody. He could go ahead and talk to any team captain, the cheerleaders, any teacher. He could hop tables in the cafeteria like social structures didn’t exist. But what was most baffling to Herman was the way he was treated. The people walked all over him. Oak’s devotion to his school was neither honored nor even seen by his peers.

And Herman felt for him. The curse of feeling overlooked had followed him all his life for some unknown reason. But while Herman had developed a gut-wrenching longing for fame in his invisibility, Oak’s kindness was unconditional.

Apart from his school Oak cared about his friends. He cared about his family and about his friend’s family. He cared about complete strangers. He even cared about people he didn’t particularly like or who had done him dirty. Herman had never met anyone like him.

So Herman followed Oak and his group of friends around in awe. For the mission, of course. Mostly. Also for character studies.

When the group’s quests grew more intense and they started hopping dimensions, Herman scammed Mae Hayes into letting him follow. During the following events he was burned and almost died. More than once. He was finding himself and he was losing himself. He latched unto new roles to play like a drowning man latched unto a floating piece of wood.

Aside from the existential crisis, permanent disfigurement and near-death-experiences his mission was going great! Herman made Hermie flirt with his target person a lot. He hadn’t really meant to, flirting just came natural with Normal. Plus he was treated to the lovely sight of the chatty boy growing tellingly quiet and trying to hide his blush behind a curtain of unkempt hair. The reaction was almost addictive.

As was the trust. Normal started to trust Hermie. Despite the role switching. Despite the coin flips. Normal trusted him and Normal asked for him and Normal looked at him. And Normal cared. It felt so good that Herman took a metaphorical step back in his control to let Hermie take the reigns almost entirely. In the safety of his method-acting Herman let himself bask in the flutter and warmth Normal’s presence ignited in Hermie. Hermie though couldn’t care less about stealing the costume, so Herman’s mission swiftly faded into the background.

Of course, Normal had his own demons. Another thing they had in common. In fact, Herman learned that he had a whole bunch of actual demons in his family line. Oh, and also a chaos deity, who was a notorious scammer. He didn’t have to think too hard to guess which Dad he came after.

Things started to make sense. Herman had the subtle changes in his features whenever he put on a new role always attributed to his incredible acting talents. He only had to think about an actor for inspiration and his own facial muscles would copy a similar expression. No, it turned out his inheritance made him actually capable of changing his jaw line, his nose, eye shape and color, even his whole body. Hermie made himself 2 inches taller for days, though nobody noticed. He’d changed the burnt parts of his body back to healthy skin, but still missing the feeling when touched had freaked him out, so he’d changed back. Hermie turned into Jules Paxton, portrayed by Keira Knightley, on a soccer field and at least that Normal had noticed.

That was another thing. The group kept forgetting him. Even Normal. His eyes would just skim over Hermie like he wasn’t even there. It was just like Chaparell High. It felt like hell.

Where they actually went at some point. He met a Dad, who didn’t share any similarities with him and who was a real bucko. At first the guy wasn’t even able to see him. What a joke.

Then the worst thing happened. During his well-deserved power trip through school pride in hell Normal kissed a shadow version of Hermie. This cemented his suspicion that the mascot kid had actually caught feelings for him. Yet, that shadow version wasn’t Hermie at all! He didn’t even have his face! Wait, what exactly was Hermie’s – err – Herman’s face again? Well, no matter, it definitely wasn’t this! Hermie was furious. He couldn’t deal with Normal’s barely hidden confession. Shit, Normal looked cute flustered and red-faced. He wanted Normal to like him so much, but he wanted him to like HIM! Hermie! No, Herman!! Wait, who exactly was he again?

After their argument Normal went right back to not being able to see him. Hermie was boiling with anger. He ached for Normal to look at him, to acknowledge him. Notice me! Notice me!!

The Riddler chose this moment to click another puzzle piece into place inside Herman’s head. Child of a chaos deity. God of con artists, scammers and cheats. In this circles non-description was a benefit, not a curse. It was obvious: People didn’t see him because he was born to be just that. Unnoticeable. Untraceable. Barely even existent in the perception of others.

Herman’s dream of himself in the spotlights bathing in the applause of an audience he had overwhelmed with his stage presence shattered to pieces.

Suddenly Herman’s head felt too full with people. Poison Ivy wanted to go back to Erin O-Neill’s house. Jules was mardy about her soccer skills not being acknowledged and also she wanted to get to know Scary better. The Riddler kept solving and unsolving puzzles of his own invention. Hermie was mad at Normal, but still worried about him (the guy was going through a lot, after all) and imagined making him feel better with cheesy pick-up lines. And the Joker whispered insistently to let everybody pay for what they did to him.

The Joker was right when he stated that the truth was, Normal had never had a chance of caring about the true Herman, not really. It was prevented by the nature of Herman’s existence. As stated, Normal cared about everything though. So he even cared about the eldritch terror that held an entire dimension hostage. The group and Hermie had discovered that the next anchor Normal needed was hidden in the goof realm, his father’s territory.

The next time his phone rang, showing an impossible number made of zeros and Xs, the child of a chaos deity answered. When he asked for a way to the realm, because he wanted to meet up so badly, his father looked right through him. Pleased with his child’s tendency to instant-scam, his father told him anyway.

Hermie felt sick. The process sounded like a test. Proof yourself to be a true scam artist and you’ll be worthy of meeting your god and father. A father, who was just as unworthy of trust as himself.

Yet Herman knew he could do it easily. The Joker helped him pick up the discarded threads of his original mission. The idea of taking something from Normal that he cared so much about had become unbearable during their time together. But when Hermie tried to tell the other’s about the way to open a portal he was ignored, as always. Herman’s resolve hardened against Hermie’s will. Normal didn’t care enough about either of them to see them. While this was probably not Normal’s fault, it still hurt. Too much.

Leaving his school ID behind was a petty move. Herman wanted Normal to know exactly what had happened. Hopefully they would at least be remembered in rage. Herman would take what he could. Hermie fought against carrying out the plan, but Joker reasoned with him by explaining how Normal wanted to save the doodler more than anything and that they were merely helping by opening the needed portal for him.

When he got the chance to enter Normal’s room unsupervised Herman gathered up the nasty beloved mascot costume and waited for Normal to find him.

“It was nothing personal, Normal” he one-lined, you know, like a liar, and leapt. The last things he saw were the portal swoothing into existence with a proud pop and Normal’s crestfallen face. Inside his head Hermie screamed while the Joker cackled in delight.

Yeah, sure, Herman was extremely pleased with himself.