#here's a beach episode

[lokimobius]

🫳 for writing prompt lol

I finally got round to finishing this! Sorry for the wait! This prompt was also sent in by @silentxsymphony!

🫳 Head pats

Also posted to ao3 if people prefer to read there

Ever since freeing Loki from the End of Time, the team had been trying, and failing, to arrange a trip away from the TVA to relax. Finally, their schedules aligned, and much to Loki’s dismay, they unceremoniously voted on going to the beach with a game of rock, paper, scissors.

He’d asked B-15 if they could go during a day that wasn’t so sunny, and she looked him up and down before telling him, quite rudely, if you ask him, that he needed more vitamin D and the sun would be good for him.

And so, that’s how Loki ended up sitting in the godforsaken sand, barking orders to Mobius as he competed in a sandcastle-building competition.

The plan was simple: Mobius would collect the water, and Loki would do the sculpting. After all, they were only building sandcastles, and he was a god; how hard could it be?

The rules: Each team had an hour to create the best sandcastle. After their time was up, they would be judged by B-15, who, Loki might add, was relaxed comfortably under a parasol on a sun lounger, sipping smugly on a cocktail, and not sweating to death under the planet's two suns like he was.

The winning team would win a weekend away on the timeline wherever they wanted, no questions asked. During this, their work would be transferred to the losing team, so they wouldn't have to worry about coming back with excess amounts of files to work through.

Loki needed to win. Everything had been so hectic since he got back that he barely had any alone time with Mobius.

OK, so that was a lie. They spent a lot of time together, especially alone time. He was just too nervous to tell Mobius about his feelings.

He'd had been given his own room upon his return to the TVA, and they spent most ‘evenings’ there together. They didn’t need to suggest hanging out at Loki's anymore; they would simply walk back together after work, and Mobius would make himself at home instantly.

Loki had done many scary things in his life. Most recently, leaving the timelines alone to fend for themselves was one of them. But nothing was as frightening as confronting his feelings and confessing them to Mobius. Loving Mobius was easy. It was expressing that love that he struggled with.

But he planned to use this opportunity to take Mobius somewhere nice, eat delicious food, and pour his heart out to him.

He felt his pulse race in excitement and anxiety. He had to win.

He stole a quick glance at O.B. and Casey, who were casually filling their buckets up with sand and laughing as they patted down what looked like a crumbling wall.

He put the finishing touches on another sandy tower and smirked. Amateurs. They wouldn’t know what hit them.

“Hey, look at you go,” Mobius said, strolling back with another bucket full of water. “It’s amazing! How are you working so fast?”

Mobius’ eyes were wide in astonishment as he placed the bucket down and bent down to admire Loki’s work. He watched as Mobius trailed his fingers across the immaculately sculpted battlements.

“I’m a god, Mobius, and a very smart one at that.”

Mobius hummed, reaching out towards Loki’s head and patting him gently, “Very smart, indeed.”

Even though he was boiling from the sun's rays, he shivered under the weight of Mobius’ hand. There was something about Mobius’ touch that made time feel like it slowed down.

If he weren’t so used to the feeling of time flowing through him, one might think he was using magic in these moments. It was, however, only his mind subconsciously trying to stay in the moment for as long as possible. There was no magic needed when it came to Mobius.

They stayed in that position for longer than was probably acceptable for friends, with Mobius kneeling next to him in the sand, his hand resting on top of his head.

A particularly large wave crashed against the shore, pulling him out of his daze. He realised that he had been staring at Mobius, who was smirking at him, obviously waiting for an answer to a question Loki didn’t hear.

“Um…” He cleared his throat, embarrassed that Mobius had caught him being a love-struck fool. “Did you say something?”

Mobius moved his hand so that he was holding the side of Loki’s face, his thumb brushing against the edge of his lips. His eyes sparkled like that of the sea behind him, though Loki noted that Mobius was significantly more beautiful.

“I said, What do we need to do next, Your Highness?” Mobius patted his cheek and withdrew his hand. Loki tried not to outwardly whine at the loss. He could feel his face burning under Mobius’ attention, and he hoped that he could just blame it on the heat. There were two suns, after all.

“Yes, right!” Loki scrambled to his feet to take a step back, taking in his hard work as he did so. “It’s not historically accurate, but I think this castle needs a moat.”

“I’ll get to diggin’ then.” Mobius beamed.

The last fifteen minutes of the contest passed quickly. Working alongside Mobius was effortless. They’d fallen into a good rhythm of Mobius filling up the moat and Loki focussing his attention on the small details.

Their teamwork was formidable. They were certainly going to win.

---

“You’ve got to be joking, right?” Loki argued, “My– our sandcastle is a replica of Inveraray Castle.”

B-15 shrugged and slurped the last of her cocktail through her straw. “Loki, I don’t even know what that is.”

“You don’t-? Thor and I visited there when we were young and feasted with the Duke of Argyll. Don’t you know the story?”

“Knowing too much about you is more of his thing,” she snorted and pointed towards Mobius, who was standing closely by his side.

“Anyway,” she continued, “O.B. and Casey’s sandcastle had more heart. It was less pompous.”

“Pompous?!” His voice became shrill. “I beg your pardon! O.B. and Casey made a turtle; that’s not even a castle!”

B-15 laughed, “Like I said: more heart.”

He scoffed. This was unbelievable. B-15 hadn’t said anything about being able to build anything other than a castle. If he’d known, he would’ve chosen something far more impressive to make.

He was just about to argue this point when he felt Mobius' hand land on the skin of his shoulder, putting pressure there to ground him. It was a technique that Mobius used often and one that Loki knew all too well.

“Let’s take a walk, shall we?” He said, squeezing his shoulder and then moving his hand down to the small of Loki’s back.

“If we must,” Loki sulked, allowing himself to be guided away from their friends. “I can't believe we have to do O.B.’s work. Good job that I have centuries of experience with quantum engineering.”

“Yes, you do! Thanks, Loki!” O.B. called cheerfully, waving at the pair as they made their way down the promenade.

---

For an island that boasted about its beautiful beaches, there weren’t many people around. In fact, when they reached the nearest café, it was deserted.

The café was small and manned by a single robot who was very excited to see them—they were the first customers of the day. It enthusiastically told them that they were holding a buy one, get one free offer, so Loki’s ice cream was on the house.

After a long time on Mobius’ part deciding what ice cream to have, they made their way to the tables outside to eat.

Two tubs of ice cream sat in front of Loki. On one side of the table, Mobius was digging into his vibrant blue monstrosity of an ice cream. "It's bubblegum flavour," Mobius had told him with a grin. Loki screwed his nose up in disgust.

He had chosen pistachio, which was a much more acceptable green, although he’d hardly eaten any of it, opting instead for ranting and raving about their loss.

“B doesn’t understand,” he complained, waving his spoon in the air. “I chose the perfect castle to be sculpted out of sand.”

Mobius nodded understandingly, spooning a large scoop of bright blue ice cream into his mouth.

“I can’t believe she’d choose their sandcastle over ours—if you can even call it a castle!”

He made eye contact with Mobius just as he slid the spoon out of his mouth slowly, his tongue lapping against the underside to make sure he didn’t miss a drop of ice cream.

“I had great plans for our timeline getaway.” He grumbled, mixing his ice cream so that it became soupy.

“What kinda plans?” Mobius asked, licking his lips.

“Well, I wanted to do something nice for you.” He mused, so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t notice Mobius leaning towards him over the table. “I planned on cooking my favourite Asgardian dish for the both of us, but that idea has been dashed against the rocks of despair.” He flopped his head down onto his arms dramatically, hiding his face from view.

Everything was ruined. He had tried so hard, but yet again, even his best wasn’t enough.

Mobius laughed loudly—that beautiful melodic laugh that made Loki’s heart sing, and some of his frustration washed away. A hand found its way onto his head again, and it patted him apologetically.

“I’m sorry, Loki. Your castle was amazing, but we can go on a date any time you like, y’know? Doesn’t have to be special.”

His head flung up in shock.

Surely he didn’t hear that correctly?

“Date?!” He repeated. His mouth hung open like a fish.

“That’s what it was, wasn’t it?” Mobius smiled knowingly at Loki.

“You knew?”

Mobius nodded. Of course he knew. He always knew. He was always able to read him better than anyone else.

Loki felt daft. He thought that he was being discreet with his plan, but he should’ve known better than to underestimate the way that Mobius knew him.

“I wanted to tell you myself.” He said after a pause, “I wanted it to be special.”

Mobius’ face softened.

“This is special.” He said, reaching out to grab Loki’s hand. He lifted it towards his lips and kissed the back of it softly. “Everything about you is special; how could it not be?”

Loki’s heart lurched in his chest. He couldn’t believe this was happening. Mobius was holding his hand. Mobius had kissed his hand. He replayed the moment in his mind, thinking of the way his moustache tickled his skin and how soft his lips were.

“But if you insist,” Mobius said, leaning back in his chair, hand still wrapped tightly around his own. “Don’t let me ruin your moment. What were you going to say to me?”

His jaw dropped.

“Go ahead,” Mobius smirked, his sea-blue eyes swimming with mirth.

Loki took a deep breath in. This was it. This was the moment he had been waiting for. He had pictured this moment multiple times as he sat on the throne at the end of time. The setting varied, but what he wanted to tell Mobius remained the same.

He knew exactly what he wanted to say.

“I wanted to thank you,” he began. “You saved me. You allowed me to see that I was able to be more; that I could be anyone I wanted. Because of you, I was able to find purpose.” He gestured with one hand to the surrounding beach. “And what a glorious purpose it is.”

The trees swayed in the wind, the sun shone, the tide pulled the sea out and pushed it back against the shore, the clouds moved across the sky, and their ice cream melted. Time continued. All because Mobius believed in him.

Loki met Mobius’ eyes pointedly. “All of this is because of you. You are my purpose.”

Mobius’ breath caught in his throat.

“I’ve never adored someone in the way that I do you. Someone who sees me for who I was, who I am, and who I could be. And what I’d like to be is with you. If you’ll have me.”

“Damn,” Mobius sniffed, squeezing Loki’s hand tightly. “Anyone ever tell you that you have a way with words?”

“Once or twice,” Loki smiled, eyes watery. “I have been told that I have a silver tongue.”

“Ok, does Prince Silver tongue want to come over here and give me a kiss?” Mobius said softly. He reached up to wipe a tear from his eye.

“More than anything.”

Loki leapt from his chair, bumping into the table with his thigh as he landed on Mobius’ lap.

He wrapped his arms around his neck and leant in.

Mobius’ lips were soft and sweet; it was glorious. The flavour of his ice cream lingered upon them, and Loki savoured the taste. Perhaps bubble gum wasn’t so monstrous after all.

They parted, and Mobius rand a hand through Loki’s hair, playing with the ends gently. He gave Loki a quick kiss and said, “I adore you too, if you weren’t aware.”

“I actually wasn’t aware,” Loki said, leaning in close. “Why don’t you tell me again?”

“I adore you,” He brought their lips back together in a light kiss.

“Again.” Loki said against his lips.

Mobius rolled his eyes fondly. “So demanding.”

They held each other close, arms wrapped tightly around one another as they shared kisses and watched the sea wash against the shore.

This time, instead of being apart as time passed, they were very much together.

---

“I still want that meal you told me about.” Mobius said later that evening. They were laying together on a sun lounger watching O.B. and Casey splash each other in the ocean. B-15 lay nearby reading a book.

“Your favourite Asgardian food!” he exclaimed, wrapping his arm around Loki’s shoulder to pull him into his chest. “Now that’s something I can’t miss out on.”

Loki turned to look at Mobius and grinned shamelessly.

He had one last confession to make.

“I never actually learnt how to cook.”

[16th-of-a-twigg]

🔥Flameo my good Hotman☀️

Ko-Fi

[bunnyjesters]

could you maybe draw jax in the swimsuit goose confirmed he would wear //(and maybe throw pomni on his shoulders🥺)//

i had fun with this lol

[wonderholegifs]

Rhett & Link's Wonderhole

[gunsatthaphan]

“if you weren’t important, I wouldn’t have brought you here.”

[localbeetlegirl]

[the-black-bulls]

Luck: [is bawling his eyes out]

Magna: [grabs his hand and sighs] You've had enough plot and exposition and character development lately I'm taking you to the beach episode.

[m-kyunie]

transman Kanda Yū binding his chest first appearance even

[where-the-water-flows]

anyway re:tags on the last reblog, au where shan gudao actually finds out that whoops the current imperial family is For Real not part of the imperial line, immediately propaganda spreads that to hell and back bc mandate of heaven is his friend now, and then still gets his ass beat/murks himself chasing power.

like on the one hand, li lianhua's got zero excuses not to eat the styx flowers! yay!

on the other hand. oops all no rightful imperial family, everyone gets to play succession crisis standoff speedrun, no one is happy about this.

[rockturbot]

[cspcrashing]

🌱: careful even on vacation ?

⚖️: still insufferable even on your day off ?

🌱: no, i simply want to see your face and your hat is in the way.

⚖️(embarrassed) : ... spoiled, too, it seems.

[fossilfan39]

Azula thinks that because she’s not treated like zuko that she’s “better”. her entire self worth is based on her brother’s abuse as a means of keeping her in mental competition with him. In their father’s eyes, Everything that is “good” about her is relative to the failures of zuko..compelling her to participate in the abuse to maintain her position as “the good one”…and zuko being told he could never even be in competition with Azula, because he could never compare, making him feel the need to prove himself through obedience. All the while their father is using both of them for his personal gain, couldn’t give less of a shit about either of them, and they’re none the wiser because they’re too focused on each other.

They are seriously one of the most accurate depictions of sibling relationships in abusive homes I’ve ever seen.

[quodekash]

can someone please tell me why it’s been nearly three weeks and yet I am STILL caught up on the existence of a fuCKING HORSE IN EPISODE 14 OF WE ARE THE SERIES

IT JUST LOOKS SO FUCKING OUT OF PLACE I CANT DEAL WITH IT

AND THEYRE ON A BEACH

look, in the grand scheme of things, I truly haven’t seen that many Thai BLs, but I’ve seen at least like 15-20ish give or take, which I’d say is a decent amount. And, to my recollection, I have NEVER, not even ONCE seen a fUCKING HORSE in ANY OF THEM

please tell me someone else is also still going insane over this, cos I’m fucking losing it and I’d like to not be alone in this insanely specific boat

[sunbloomdew]

beach episode spoilers below cut a collection of random thoughts :]

kudos to roxie and rob for being great friends to eva, reaching out to her and taking her on that vacation. we don't know who was calling eva in the starting screen but it was probably one of them or members of her family. it could have also been quincy! i've been thinking how they could help each other out while grieving :( i'm glad she has people she can count on in her life

also i really like that the beach episode gave us more roxie and rob moments, showing us more of their characters!! i love that they got more chances to be goofy <3 rob especially since in previous games, when he had lines of dialogue he was stoic and serious, and here we get to see that he matches roxie's freak kshfskfhskj

im wondering if eva left her job at sigmund after neil's death, since she'd had to get a new partner. plus this whole thing going down would definitely change how she feels about her job... i wonder if she ever briefly considered signing up with sigmund for a life where neil lived.

and last but not least: what the hell did angus mean by "... who's still alive, that is..." what is the fate of sigcorp

and i gotta say, while im a tinyyyyy bit disappointed over there not being a lot of new music tracks in the game, i really enjoyed hearing music from the previous games. and the title theme GOES HARD

thank you for reading this assortment of thoughts

[sollucets]

rowan's eclipse anniversary celebration

week three: episode

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s4 episode 22 thoughts

i watched this episode last night and wasn't sure how i felt beyond Sad, so i figured sleeping on it would help. but it didn't. the main flavors of this episode were Sad and Ableism. join me for this ride.

now. after the utter ROLLERCOASTER that was last episode, i haven’t a clue what to expect today. but i hope it’s good. because i want it to be good. i want to be at the edge of my seat again. but this time, with more scully.

but also if they were going to go camping and sit around a fire and tell spooky stories, i would also be entirely content with that. actually that episode would cross into my top 15 for sure. so really it can go either way.

hmm… allow us to read the episode description. it kind of sounds like another monster of the week situation and not at all a continuation of the last episode. so i will go into that expecting it. but i swear i’ve heard this episode title mentioned before, which usually indicates it’s either beloved or beloathed. let’s find out which!

(is it a fan fave or hated by the masses? i couldn't tell! you tell me!)

(and oh god... the episode title... after knowing what happens in it... pain. everywhere)

we open with bowling!!! a fine activity when you’re in good company. but given that this is taking place in the opening part of the show, i figure some sort of grisly murder will go down.

this guy (later revealed to be named mr. pintero) is collecting beers and sodas while creepy music plays. another fellow (harold) is organizing the rack of bowling shoes. harold is not done yet, but boss tells him to go home. it is clear that having the shoes unorganized is making harold unhappy. 

but one of the pin machines (i had to look it up- it's called a pinsetter! i really do learn so much here) is going off!! despite no prompting!!! and a ball comes back… covered in BLOOD????

BOWLING MACHINE MURDER???

one of the pins is dripping blood too… so pintero goes down to investigate inside the pinsetter

WHAT THE FUCK THERE’S A GIRL IN THERE??????????????

pintero is trying to get help as ghostly girl hangs about inside the pinsetter. he runs outside to find a cop and he sees a girl on the side of the road bleeding from her neck!!!

same girl…? different girls??? hard to tell 

mr. pintero quickly confirms that it IS the girl he saw in the pinsetter now laying out here on the pavement. it was hard to tell because she had gone goth since her death. and also why was she in a bowling alley??? upon death that’s not where i’m going to go. i hope. do you get to choose? i mean maybe i’d go bowl some rounds, but i wouldn’t climb INTO the machine

now how does this involve harold…..?

SCULLY BOWLING??????????? GOD, DID YOU HEAR ME WHEN I ASKED FOR HER HAPPINESS??? 

(author's note: -_- )

okay, so maybe she’s at the murder bowling alley, but still!!!! she’s tying on her shoes and mulder is with mr. pintero investigating the lane. 

oh man, is she just putting the shoes on to go investigate and not even play a few rounds…? i knew i shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. it was too good to be true.

mulder beckons her to slide into the pinsetter machine in between him and mr. pintero, who says the ghost girl was caught up in the machinery. and i do love a little bit of them being smushed together. but mr. pintero says that the ghost girl was gone when he came back after seeing her hit by the car. is this confusing to read? it’s confusing to write.

mr. pintero is self conscious of his story because of the look on scully’s face LMAOOOO noooo mr. pintero please do not be sad... she is just like that!

mulder asks for a soda… king

(i thought he was getting scully caffeine because we know she needs it to survive, but he actually had it for a larger plan) 

“what is that look, scully?” “i would have thought that after four years, you’d know exactly what that look was” <- lmaooooo

“what, you don’t believe in ghosts?” (he proceeds to elaborate on the difference between ghosts, disembodied spirits, and death omens while bowling) (scully looks impressed as he gets a strike) LMAOOOOOOOOOOO i swear she thought he was attractive there. you could see it in her eyes.

so: three death omens have appeared in three weeks before three murders. that’s a pretty consistent pattern. the omens have been trying to say something… but what?

mulder takes his soda and says that if she waits a second he might have an answer. does the cola reveal things to him???

no, he pours the soda onto the wax of the lane and finds writing on there!!! it says “she is me”. now what does that mean!!!

now they must be debriefed by a detective in a room full of other investigators. the three victims have all had the same age, weight, hair, and eye color, which is horrifying. and all were attacked in the same 6 blocks!!!

mulder is whispering something to scully in the back of the room (adorable), but the guy who is running the debrief finds it less so, and asks what tf he has to say and who tf is he. which leads him to explaining his apparition theory while scully looks on, very much recalling the incident with plane guy mike from tempus fugit. at least this time it wasn't her birthday.

mulder asks if there were any other written messages at the crime scenes and if “she is me” means anything to anyone, and the jerk detective says someone claimed those were her last words, but she couldn’t have actually said them as her larynx was severed (she could have said that before the severing???)

but the detective dismisses the claim as coming from “a nut” and sends the agents off to follow that lead, which leads them to a psychiatric center. where someone is painting a bird!! it’s pretty nice. 

the nurses gather the patients to ask if anyone used the payphone to report a murder on friday. our old friend harold looks deeply uncomfortable. 

mulder holds up a photo of the dead girl, which the patients identify as the murder victim. and then scully pulls out a magazine with jay leno on the cover and a few patients say jay leno did it??? can you imagine. god. that’d be a crazy episode. she leaves the room, seeming to think this is a waste of time. but mulder notices that harold was very quiet during this whole exchange. 

scully is going over the crime scene photos in the hallway…. ohhhh, she found that the murderer changed the hand the ring each victim wore was on!! she’s very clever to notice such a small detail

he asks about what would make a person switch the rings around, and she points out a form of OCD that usually does not escalate to murder, but it involves doing things over and over again until they’re just right……. is that supposed to be a hint to harold….?

mulder says he’s about to get harold to confess to making the call. but harold is denying it. when mulder asks if he’s seen a ghost, he starts yelling. this did not go as planned.

scully says that harold has something called “atypical autism” which i am going to google (it seems to go by a new name now in the DSM 5?), and that he has spent his life in and out of treatment centers like this one. and he also has severe OCD… which she says would explain the switching of the rings. 

hey! OCD does not equal murder.

but i suppose that anyone is capable of murder, and perhaps she is just accounting for taking the rings off of one hand and onto another.

mulder asks a very relevant question: if harold did it, why did he now start killing people? he was clearly prone to outbursts when under distress… but that doesn’t explain the “she is me” or the apparitions. or, you know. going from yelling over being asked uncomfortable questions to slitting people's throats. bit of a jump there.

harold can come and go as he pleases, and he has a job…. hmm. this does not mean he did the murdering.

but then scully’s nose starts bleeding onto his files!!!

there was so much concern in mulder's “oh, scully…” and she insists that she’s fine, just needs to wash up. mulder looks like he was just punched as she leaves.

(i need the gif set please. please gif it. the pain... i want to microdose it in a controlled environment)

she goes to the bathroom to clean up and WHAT THE FUCK?????? she sees the “she is me” written in BLOOD on the mirror.

AND THEN A VERY SILLY LOOKING GHOST GREENSCREENED IN APPEARS LMAOOOOO (i love you 90's tech you are my best friend) but the ghost is bleeding from her neck. which is less funny.

hold on. DOES THAT MEAN SCULLY IS GOING TO DIE??? because she saw the death omen?????

mulder’s knocking on the door of the bathroom, asking if she’s in there, and when she finally replies with a quiet and strained “yeah” he reports that they've found another victim, a college student with her throat cut. and the girl she had seen had a college sweatshirt on!!!

she is utterly gagged. this must be a very challenging thing for a non-believer to see. and to confront the implications.

at the crime scene, she’s looking at the victim's body. and this victim also had a ring on her finger that was switched from one hand to the other. scully is still staring in shock.

and harold escaped somehow!!!

she seems almost like she’s about to tell mulder what she saw back in the bathroom, but then she says that she’s going to go get “this” (gesturing to her nose) checked out. he asks to drive her and she says no, she’s fine, and he double checks and says it’s just precaution, the doctors have been keeping a close eye on it, etc etc. LET HIM DRIVE YOU!! IT’S OKAY!!!!!!! he watches her, puzzled. 

(god, how i want to get onscreen, shake her by the shoulders, and tell her that letting herself be loved and cared for is not weakness... idgaf what sort of mentality her navy father installed in her. let's work it out together)

harold has a paper in his hand and is applying glue as he mutters some numbers. they’re bowling score sheets he’s gluing to the wall!! kinda cool. recycling.

BUT they read “she is me” in BLOOD…. he turns around and sees the ghosts of the victims!!!!!!!!! he just wants to be left alone!!!! leave harold alone!!!!! why are they haunting him????

scully is getting blood drawn. oh god i can’t look and she looks horrified…. she’s looking in the mirror

and now a jump to a therapy scene. she’s talking to her therapist about her fears, how she's scared to talk to mulder about them, and how she’s kept working despite the diagnosis. she says she doesn’t feel she owes it to mulder to keep working. good. know your value.

“i guess i never realized how much i rely on him, before this” <- STOP. STOP STOP. actually no. please continue. please express your feelings. i’m just gonna cry while you do it.

“his passion. he’s been a great source of strength that i’ve drawn on” <- oh... oh...

the therapist asks what happened last night, and she says she saw something, and she doesn’t know what it was or why, but she’s crying. then she explains the apparition. the therapist asks if she’s sure she doesn’t know what the ghost was trying to tell her. 

oh my god……. she knows what it means....

mulder is back at the bowling alley, looking for harold, and mr. pintero says he would never do such a crime.

but lane 6 is dropping pins…. harold is hiding back there?!!!

mulder follows him in as he climbs up the walls… and when he finds him, he’s muttering “she is me” over and over and over again. WHAT DOES IT MEAN???? 

the jerk detective from the police is here while harold is being questioned, and he blatantly ignores the lawyer telling him not to ask any questions about his guilt or innocence. wow! great guy. said with heavy sarcasm.

mulder asks harold if he knew those women, and if he’s scared they’ll visit him, to which he keeps reciting numbers. is he reciting their bowling scores??? and then he gives one of the victim’s shoe sizes when asked!!!!!

detective jerk takes this as a confession, while mulder says he needs harold’s help to prove him innocent. it just seems to me like he has an amazing memory. luckily, mr. pintero is very kind to him. 

detective jerk continues to be a dick as harold shows them to a room where he tons and tons of score cards pasted to the walls, and can recall them by name, including those belonging to the victims. very impressive.

but then harold sees a ghost?????

he’s running away and finds mr. pintero dead on the floor!!!!! harold is sobbing. omg... no... mr. pintero... i grew to be fond of you in our brief time together.

cutscene to scully at home in her fuzzy robe, praying. it feels we are interrupting a very intimate moment. the doorbell rings. it’s mulder!

he needs her medical expertise at this late hour. then once he enters the apartment, he asks what her doctor said, to which she reassures him she’s fine, which i do not believe in the slightest.

the contrast between him in his suit and her in her fluffy robe is very sweet, but he’s trying to explain that harold saw an apparition of mr. pintero’s death

(he lowkey did just imply that harold’s autism is what lets him see ghosts though??? so that’s kinda wild. that or i misunderstood something drastically)

NOOOOO. MULDER POINTS OUT THAT EVERYONE WHO SAW THE VISIONS WERE DYING. he wants to know if harold’s dying?? no no no. 

OH MY GOSH SHE’S TRYING TO GRASP WHAT THAT MEANS……………..

no. no no. and to think, i thought we were getting fun bowling time when this episode began. 

they go to the home he’s at to examine him, but someone is listening. it's harold's roomie chuck.

harold’s supposed to take his meds, but he’s not doing that. the nurse, named nurse innes, says to TAKE HIS POISON??? is that euphemistic or...

“did you tell them about your little girlfriends? did you show them your pictures??” <- HUH?? WHAT IS GOING ON!!!!

“you think they loved you back? no one could love you, harold” <- HEY WHAT. WHO IS THIS LADY????

oh that’s a slur. that’s a full on slur she says to him. 

there’s a distant scream and the doctor has been attacked, it seems. well. deserved. 

innes is claiming “he went berserk” and attacked him. i do not believe this at all.

the other nurse seems very nice :(

they’re going to split up, scully will talk to chuck the roommate and mulder will look for harold

OH! innes pulls out a scalpel. so she fully cut her own head. wow. what a great lady. again said with great sarcasm. we have some real charmers in this episode.

scully’s talking to chuck. and he asks her if harold is dying, because nurse innes is trying to poison him. harold TOLD chuck that innes was poisoning him!! nooo, harold :(

chuck says he really loved them, and when she asks who it was that harold really loved, he pulls out the pictures of the girls who were murdered that harold kept in his drawer. the only other person who knew about those pictures was nurse innes!!!

did she kill them???????????

scully goes to find innes and notices that she is clenching her fist….. she drops the pills… and then tries to attack scully with the scalpel!!!

bad idea to try and attack an FBI agent, you absolute buffoon. she manages to slam scully around a bit, and then to promptly get shot.

mulder hears the gunshot and is sprinting to get there. he notices scully is cut on her hand right away 😭😭😭 i love when he worries about her

she used her stellar aim skills to once again land a non-lethal shot to the shoulder, to which i am very proud to see her sharpshooting skills once again highlighted!!

and she says that he should bag the scalpel, she’s pretty sure it’s the murder weapon. dang! she solved this one without him. queen.

the theory she cooks up is that innes has been taking harold’s meds, which can cause unstable behavior, and maybe she was trying to kill harold’s happiness. and then mulder breaks the news that was harold found dead in an alley. no, harold :(

she’s trying to say he wasn’t dying, he was being denied medical care. he clocks that this has a deeper meaning right away… “is that your medical opinion?”

(not even joking, someone poked their head in my room while i was watching this and said "you have a miserable look on your face". yeah. i know <3 it hurted)

“i saw something, mulder” <- oh my god. oh my god. she's going to tell him.

“i saw her in the bathroom before you came to tell me”

(holy fuck i need to rewatch this three times)

“why didn’t you tell me?” (he's keeping his voice so calm)

“because i didn’t want to believe it. because i don’t want to believe it”

“is that why you came down here, to prove that it wasn’t true?”

“no, i came down here because you asked me to” (there's annoyance in her voice)

“why can’t you be honest with me?” <- ohhh. oh my goodness. he sounds so sad.

“what do you want me to say? that you’re right? that-that I believe it even if i don’t? i mean, is that what you want?” <- ohh, that is a low blow. she’s hurting and she’s throwing words in any direction to try and deflect the pain she feels… because she cannot control it and she desperately wants to 

now he’s growing annoyed, but trying to reign it in: “is that what you think i want to hear?”

silence. a beat. and then: “no.” she seems to realize that trying to hurt him helps nobody.

“you can believe what you want to believe, scully, but you can’t hide the truth from me. because if you do, you’re working against me. and yourself” (and oh my god, she would never want to work against him... the weaponization of their mutual cause to get her to be honest and take care of herself)

“i know what you’re afraid of. i’m afraid of the same thing” <- chills. i have them. rare moment of mulder vulnerability. pain. pain.

“the doctor said i was fine”, she says. “i hope that’s the truth”, he replies.

(whispered) “i’m going home”

that line is fascinating because it sounds like he’s directly accusing her of lying….. and what if she is? what if she’s too scared to tell him that she’s not okay?

nooooo :( she gets in her car to drive home and starts to cry :(((((

AND THEN SHE SEES HAROLD……… 

WHAT THE FUCK MAN??????? HEY. WHAT THE FUCK. 

pain. pain. pain.

okay. so: this hurts. scully being scared of talking about how she feels, of letting down mulder, lying to him because she’s too afraid to speak the truth, lashing out at him to try and deflect from her pain. and then realizing that trying to hurt him helps no one.

and how he’s trying so hard to keep his cool when he wants to tell her to be honest, to stop lying and to just tell him the truth, to take care of herself and let him take care of her. he wants to convince her that it’s okay to be scared and that he is too.

this little fight is really recalling that other fight they had in tunguska and what struck me both about those is how he works so hard to keep his voice level, even when you know he wants to yell. the restraint there is astounding. he loves her so terribly.

and scully can see those ghosts, which means she’s dying, which she knows means she’s dying, and she tried to find any other explanation for it, to blame it on the power of suggestion or stress, but she knows what it means and she’s so scared. we saw her praying, likely begging for help and for her loved ones to be comforted as she leaves… 

bro. the tears. in my eyes. they are forming. 

seeing her cry is just horrible. 

but honestly, the fact that she even opened up to mulder about seeing that apparition is huge. she works so hard to be as closed off as she is, and even though she went for the low blow with trying to hurt him with the whole “you want me to say that you’re right?” thing, it was still a very big deal that she felt she could say that. but it also attests to the fact that she is in so much pain that she feels she has no choice.

goddamnit. pain. 

little did i know that day i decided to watch this show that THIS was the find of stuff i was getting myself into.

okay. so: the rest of the episode. 

well, i didn’t see the killer coming, so i was surprised there. but it was not an easy episode to watch, with the depiction of medical abuse and ableism inherent to the story. we got a full on slur moment. that did make me jump a little. the 90’s, man. they’d put anything on the TV.

so it was weird to reckon the A plot with the B plot even if they were tied together with the common thread of “these dying people can see the dead”. it was an abrupt shift between the two. 

how do i feel? sad. sad sad sad. damn you, season 4. how you fill me with unrelenting sorrow. have i been happy once in the last 22 episodes? i find it hard to recall. 

i like seeing mulder protective of and caring for scully, but seeing her suffer is so sad. i know it’s not real!!! i know she’s a character on the screen. but holy hell if it’s not emotionally taxing to watch her confront her own mortality, watch the people she loves mourn her while she’s still here but know they likely won’t have her for long.

and i know that there will likely be some sort of magical resolution because there are like what, 5 more seasons and 2 movies? but it still hurts. especially because so many people really do die of cancer and face those realities. i once again wonder how people who have cancer felt about this storyline, if they felt represented or not.

there’s an element of sorrow that gets added in knowing that these things really do happen. i can take comfort in knowing that my sibling will not statistically likely be abducted by a UFO and i will probably not be injected with goo in a gulag. these sorts of storylines have in-universe weight and are devastating in terms of the story, but we recognize that such things do not happen to us ordinary folk. and the inverse is true, at least for me, in terms of the tragedies that happen in this show that COULD happen to a person like you or me. the grief you feel from seeing a character dying of a horrific disease is all the more accentuated when you know people who have endured tragedy like that.

man, you s4 fans are real suckers for pain. i actually admire it. god bless you, actually. i need a certain good times to sorrow ratio. and i considered myself an angst aficionado before this!!!

now what in the hell is going on? while i was writing this, the beginning of the next episode started playing, and out of the corner of my eye i saw horrific flashings of color that i thought i was imagining. but no. they were real.

egads! for a moment i thought my laptop was like, on fire or something. perhaps this is a sign that i must go. i am both excited and scared to see what the last two episodes bring!!!!!