#here it is. my stupidest post ever
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pov: ur the last pair of scissors at the crafts store
#arcadekitten#cemetery mary#our wonderland#cemetery mary spoilers#our wonderland spoilers#reginald tetra#gidget bordelle#here it is. my stupidest post ever#look usually i hate comparing original works cause it can make creators insecure about their ideas but like#when i got that game over w gidget in arc 2 i literally had to do a double take cause it was SO SIMILAR to reggies bad ending??#/SRS I LITERALLY OPENED CM AND SPEEDRAN THE ENDING JUST TO COMPARE#and besides the general similarity of them cutting the mcs tounge off they also STRAIGHT UP BOTH SAY A NEARLY IDENTICAL LINE???????#“don't worry it/this will only hurt a second” WHAT#im not making this up u can literally play the games and see for urself (which u should definitely do because they r awesome)#quamais rambles
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#SHAYNCER: yeah we're stupid, keep scrolling
#i forgot to post this on here#but heres the boys#idiots of all time#stupidest guys you've ever seen#shayncer#spencer#shayne#smosh#edit#my edit
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creepypasta characters and whether or not i could beat them in a fight
jeff the killer: absolutely. i could throw hands with a 13 year old and win. he’s like knee-high to a frog at that age i could easily punt him
slenderman: what’s he gonna do, stand there ominously and give me a headache?? jokes on you asshole, i already get those daily. i could topple him like a tree with a good enough tackle
ben drowned: whether it’s BEN or ben all i have to do is unplug the fucking n64. easy victory. one flick to the breakers and it’s all over
ticci toby: another case of just another shitty teenager. he’s 17 though so he may be a bit harder to punt than jeff but i think i could do it
eyeless jack: losing AND having my kidney stolen :(
hoody/masky: yeah i could take them. probably even both at once. i will not elaborate any further.
#icarus speaks#creepyposting#suggestive#this is the stupidest post i’ve ever made i’m so sorry#sally is not here because i cannot even imagine a hypothetical where i would fight her#that is my child. i am holding her close and holding tea parties with her
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right, watching wayward sisters now, and i’m acc fucking fuming. who the FUCK’S idea was it to do a PREQUEL SPINOFF about FUCKING JOHN AND MARY WINCHESTER instead of this????? like oh my god?????? that’s the stupidest thing i have ever heard this is awesome and literally everyone hates the stupid dickbrained winchesters wtaf
i don’t think supernatural needs a spinoff regardless. i don’t think it needed any more than 10 seasons frankly, probably less. it ran its course. but MY GOD was this an absolutely golden opportunity, i’m so fucking mad they didn’t do it!!! claire, jody, alex and donna are amazing characters and with some development kaia and patience could be too. i’m so consistently disappointed by this show i actually can’t AAAHAGGSHDJ
i’m loving this episode, claire is so gay i absolutely love it but i also think she or jody might die at the end of this and i’m so fucking mad about it. will update i guess :(
EDIT: oh! so claire’s fine but they just did kill your gays after one episode of the characters interacting! YAY I LOVE SUPERNATURAL AHAHAHAHA I’M TOTALLY NOT LOSING MY FUCKING MIND
#i posted this same thing to my insta story#i’m sure most ppl agree with me#i don’t know shit about the meta lore here so maybe there was some stuff going on behind the scenes that i wasn’t aware of#but regardless making the winchesters was the stupidest fucking decision ever made and i stand by that#like who was the target audience the whole fandom hates their guts#we couldn’t have got a badass female-led buffy-esque group show with beloved (and queer!) characters instead?????#acc grinds my gears i will never ever be over this this is acc baffling#spn#supernatural#wayward sisters#the winchesters#claire novak#jody mills
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If Red Lantern Rankorr has 1000 haters one of them is me. If he has 100 haters I'm there. If he only has 1 hater that is me. If no one hates him I am no longer on this Earth. I hate Rankorr. Fuck that bitch
LMAOO going through my drafts rn and damn I really hated this guy. I mean I still do but idk this is funny to me
#the fact that i have more drafts than followers...#which ok isnt that impressive theres like 30 of you guys but still all my shitty dc drafts#i say shitty but its really just a mix between posts that i feel like i havent read enough comics to back up fully and dont want to seem#ignorant about (comma) stuff thats more shippy than usual (still like incredibly tame though)#and then like the stupidest fuckin future 0 note posts youve ever seen#also like some reading guides and meta in progress but thats split between here and my notes app generally#its so funny though bc i always get my best ideas abt comics like 2 minutes before one of my classes start#and then i forget about it in my drafts#like theres an absolutely devastating (to me) jess one that has like 2 sentences written#which i should like actually write#what was i saying?#oh and theres a lot of reading guides/comic recs thats where i save those#which now after scrolling thru rlly makes me want to read#where tf was this post going again? oh i was laughing at me hating rankorr#if i wrote comics id ressurect him off panel just to kill him again. if hes dead. i dont remember if hes dead but i think so? who tf knows#blah#i can make a vers without my dumb little comment on here btw if anyone actually wants to rb this lol but i doubt it
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If you’re censoring killed on tumblr dot com I’m taking Deadpool away from you. You’re gonna do something stupid with him spit that out
#my eye is twitching#also sitting here like where were all of you when Disney hadn’t stripped away their diverse cast and plots that weren’t tedious#stupidest vent post ever ignore me
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to celebrate international womens day i have decided to turn all my ships into yuri‼️‼️‼️‼️
#neal nocturne is a twinky hesbian and him and carm meet when he gets his carabiner stuck on her fishnets#stewy helps kendall when shes first starting e for the first time in her life early 40s and stewys been bigender doll the whole time#hannigram self explanatory i think#macden mac is just the strongest stupidest butch uve ever seen in ur life and dennis lightbulb realises shes a woman#all the other yaoi im forgetting got woman beamed also#and shoutout to all my already lesbian ships i hold so dear to me#also everyone go watch bottoms 2023#also both seasons of hacks toxic yuri is coming back in a big way very soon#society if i just made all my post in my post instead of in the tags like a fucking twitter user#i really fell down a rabbit hole here#anyway#mrrow
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i really dont care one way or another about the actual post but oh my god this hurt to read -- also people have been doing interesting shit with printed mediums for fucking /ever/. and do you have any idea how frustrating it is to read poetry online instead of on paper, where the publishers can dictate how it's printed? now i get to read shit on fucking google on my phone and every single line break is wrecked, and the spacing doesn't look at all like the author intended. in printed versions the author can be so much more intentional about how things are received. not about everything, sure, but definitely more so than online. hell the simple act of having to turn a goddamn page instead of just scrolling down is instrumental to pacing and the receiving of narrative information, i hate this take so goddamn much
#every day i log on here and see the stupidest takes ive ever seen in my life#i was fine with that post until that line dear god thats so stupid
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fuck my whole lifeeee that parking ticket i got in JUNE i just ignored until now I GOTTA GO TO COURT OVER IT!?!?!?!
#ITS A PARKING TICKETTTTTTTTTTTTT FUCK OFFF#and it wasnt even an egregious parking ticket it's literally that i stayed at a fucking beach for 2 hours past sunset#I WASNT DOING NOTHING !! I WAS ON A SWING SET AND STARGAZING !!!!#I GOTTA GO TO COURT FOR STARGAZING !!!! FUCK MY LIFE#brot posts#yes its my fault for ignoring the ticket and not mailing it in the allotted time frame they gave me#yes its my fault but yes im still gonna complain bc this is the stupidest ticket ever anyway#and if i get into legal trouble for missing a court date for something as stupid as this im gonna kms#my court summons date was. july 3rd.#here i am. september 3rd.
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jfc the second i get my lil grippers into any form of media that is even vaguely interesting to me, i start to go absolutely hog wild. like my pop culture prof had us watch a documentary on the z-boys skate team and ive been obsessed ever since like brb let me just go fucking rabbit hole into the lore of everything to do with the z-boys, like i straight up found a dead archive site for all of their old articles and shit i need to stop
#zero.comms#this is the stupidest thing i may have ever posted on here#like PLZ i just want to write my gojo fanfic rn#not think about these dudes that skateboarded in the 1970s are were the hot shit
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PowerPoint night with the genshin cast ✨
NO BC I SAW THIS IN MY INBOX AND I WAS FROTHING AT THE MOUTH WITH TOO MANY IDEASSS, the energy is just this:
You introduce the wonderful concept of powerpoints, then a powerpoint night and you should expect absolute chaos
Mondstadt over here like,
"Why I Deserve Wine:
I am a god
I am YOUR god, give me offerings duh
(insert conclusion here)"
by Venti, he didn't even both filling out some slides, and they're all just plain text with maybe a nice selfie of himself on the first slide lmao
STOP, DILUC'S POWERPOINT BEING A 40 SLIDE PRESENTATION RESPONSE TO VENTI'S AHALKSJ
or better yet, Creator!You version:
"An Explanation of Why the One Above Us All Would Enjoy Living in Liyue During Their Stay Here" by Zhongli, which takes approx. 4+ hours to get thru, and its his case for why u should stay in Liyue Harbor - half the ppl there are actually paying attention and the other half are fast asleep (u included)
Meanwhile Yae Miko trying to stir the pot like, "Which Vision-User, God, or Nation is Our Ruler's Favorite" 💀
Also another presentation that would make several ppl give response presentations and it just becomes: HER SISTER WAS A WITCH BRO = THE CREATOR LIKES SUMERU MORE BRO
CRYING- people like Zhongli, Albedo, Alhaitham, Xingqiu, Neuvillette, Xiao, Sucrose, Jean, Ei/Raiden Shogun, Faruzan all misunderstanding and thinking u actually want a real presentation from them 😭😭
ngl all the Sumeru/Akademiya/Fontaine characters have probably gotten somewhat close to doing some kind of equivalent to this, mostly bc ppl will debate abt the stupidest stuff over there so they get it, wonder if they made drinking games out of it lol
(first question from Sumeru characters is "what is powerpoint night, and why has Alhaitham probably already won it")
pls im so braindead rn there are ENDLESS possibilities for this, if anyone has more I am LISTENING!!!
Safe Travel 0rah,
💀♒
If you wanna join a taglist, DM me what for! "Pspspsss, please tag me for [All SAGAU posts, Only SAGAU Language AUs, diff fandom, etc.]!"
(If you ever wanna drop, just DM me! "No more taglists/[specifically this AU/fandom] please!")
♡the beloveds♡
@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi / @fallen-starr / @areaderofbooks / @devilangel657 / @esthelily / @justinsomniachild / @nanithefuck / @questionotmystopit / @chinuneko
@kiyomi-uchiha777
#genshin sagau#sagau#genshin isekai#genshin imagines#gender neutral reader#my asks#aqua asks#aqua rambles#genshin impact sagau#genshin x reader#crack post tbh#crack treated seriously#u know i think i shouldve been using that tag for a long time now and i haven't 💀#tysm orah u keep me going ur IDEASS
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✨⚠️ Wasting Away Again in the Goldilocks Zone ⚠️✨
If you're new here, this is one of those "human Bill in the Mystery Shack" redemption fics, you know the drill: Bill illegally escapes death via reincarnation; the Shack crew imprisons him til they can figure out how to kill him; but they won't, because Bill's gonna make friends with them and literally everybody else in town. Whether they like it or not.
Featuring!! The slowest redemption arc you've ever read; "human" Bill that doesn't decide being trapped in an alien body is fine; show-style episodic plot structure; individual plot arcs for characters you've never even cared about; so canon compatible we even include the dang coloring book; and so TBOB-compatible over a year before TBOB came out that I'm considering taking up a position as the Oracle of Delphi just so Apollo stops barraging me with dodgeballs.
New chapter every Friday, 5pm CST! Yes, that includes this Friday!
For art, doodles, upcoming scene excerpts, and posts about characterization & plot plans, see my #bill goldilocks cipher tag. For the fic itself, the first few chapters are on AO3, but tumblr's 60 chapters ahead:
⛓️ 1 Part 1. Bill returns, in a bedsheet toga.
⛓️ 1 Part 2. Bill tries to murder the Stans & Soos (with time travel).
⛓️ 2. Dipper and Mabel save the day (with time travel).
⛓️ 3. A tense evening as the Pines prepare to get rid of Bill.
⛓️ 4. Plot twist: the Pines physically can't get rid of Bill.
⛓️ 5. The gang goes to a diner at 3 a.m. for hostage negotiations.
⛓️ 6. Bill escapes from Theraprism. [NEW!!!]
⛓️ 7. "How'd Bill get here" flashback; plus, entering his new prison.
💇♀️ 8. Bill gives himself a haircut and depression.
💇♀️ 9. Bill & Ford grudgingly have a sincere conversation; regret it.
💇♀️ 10. The kids decide Bill won't ruin their summer. Also: Pacifica!
📓🔺📓 TBOB BOUNDARY: Everything above this line has been edited for 100% compatibility with The Book Of Bill and posted to AO3! Everything after this line has not been edited... so it's only 98% TBOB compatible. 📓🔺📓
🧚 11. Mabel gives Bill the most beautiful makeover ever. (It's not.)
🧚 12. Pacifica advertises Harry's Hairy Fairy Formula. Bill wants it.
🧚 13. Pacifica refuses to share; the twins discover its side effects.
🧚 14. Mabel wins Bill's eternal friendship with arts & crafts.
💭 15. Bill, Ford, and Dipper have nightmares that are Bill's fault.
💎 16. Ford has a fun day with Mabel but everything goes wrong.
💎 17. The day goes right again thanks to healthy communication.
🎥 18. Mabel's Guide To Local Animals, co-starring Bill Cipher.
🧊 19. Wendy snoops into the weird things happening in the shack.
🧊 20. Wendy meets the weird thing (it's Bill).
🎂 21. Stan & Ford's birthday party! Bill gives evil gifts.
💭 22. Bill "helps" Dipper's nightmares; no one knows his motive.
👁️ 23. Bill's ex is back in town and nobody's happy about it.
👁️ 24. Everyone's even less happy to learn Bill has a sex life.
🧿 25. Mabel and Bill make friendship bracelets! :)
🧿 26. The Pines take Bill to the mall. He wears terrible things.
🧿 27. Bill breaks Mabel's heart (and panics to fix it).
🏳️🌈 28. Bill talks his way into going with Wendy to Rainbow Club.
🎃 29. Bill contacts the Henchmaniacs on Summerween morning.
🎃 30. Costume making. Mabel pries into Bill's past, with crayons.
🎃 31. The Trickster's pals trick-or-treat; and Bill terrifies Dipper.
🪮 32. Dipper & Mabel make a poppet to control Bill.
🦷 33. Stan takes Bill to the dentist. In handcuffs.
🦷 34. Dentist & tooth fairy attack. Stan & Bill are still handcuffed.
🦷 35. Bill & Stan reach a painful understanding and stop the fairy.
🛁 36. Anime night; and Mabel makes Bill do community service.
🛁 37. Bill plots escape and runs into Wendy. Dipper panics.
🛁 38. Bill has the worst and stupidest day of his afterlife.
🌅 39. A cultist finds Bill; Bill tries to re-recruit Ford.
🚙 40. Gideon broadcasts car commercials; invokes Bill's wrath.
🚙 41. Bill apologizes for bullying Gideon. lol no he blackmails him.
🌕 42. Bill tells Dipper secrets of the universe; predicts an eclipse.
🌖 43. Gravity is disappearing; Ford and Fiddleford investigate.
🌗 44. Ford & Dipper drag Bill hiking; Bill faces his death.
🌘 45. Ford demands answers Bill can't give as totality looms.
🌑 46. Totality. Bill decides whether Ford lives or dies.
🌒 47. Bill feels rotten but finally explains the eclipse.
🌓 48. Bill has a complete mental breakdown.
🌔 49. The gang limps home. (Plus: a second dimensional eclipse.)
💿 50. Bill finally processes that mental breakdown.
💿 51. Dipper and Mabel try to remember the Axolotl's poem.
📖 52. The gang reads Flatworld. Bill isn't thrilled.
📖 53. Mabel tries to get Bill to talk about his home world.
⚛️ 54. Dipper, Ford, and Fiddleford do paradox physics.
📖 55. Mabel learns college-level geometry.
📖 56. Mabel & Bill have fun; Dipper & Ford prepare for murder.
💀 57. The execution of Bill Cipher.
💀 58. Everything you wondered about how Bill escaped.
💀 59. Everything you didn't wonder about how Bill escaped.
💀 60. Everything you never imagined about how Bill escaped.
✨✨ THE APOXOLOTLYPSE ✨✨
🪐 61. The Axolotl finds the second dimension's corpse. ✨
🪐 62. The 2D massacre is so much worse than the Ax thought.
🪐 63. A building inspection in the Nightmare Realm.
🪐 64. Even when Bill fixes things he breaks them.
🪐 65. A shape meets Bill as the world burns.
🪐 66. The gods & Bill negotiate him leaving Dimension Zero.
🪐 67. The gods deal with Bill not leaving Dimension Zero.
🪐 68. Bill is so much worse than the Ax thought.
🪐 69. THE END: the gods and Bill settle into a new status quo.
📙 70. Soos vacuums the attic (wow exciting)
📙 71. Soos decides how he feels about Bill's treatment.
📙 72. Fixin it with Soos: home redecorating!
🎥 73. The gang makes plans for the night.
🎥 74. Dipper's Guide to the Fremont Nightwigglers
🎥 75. Mabel's Guide to Secret Sleepovers
🎥 76. The aftermath of everybody pulling all-nighters.
🏖️ 77. Beach episode! The Pines fish! Bill tans!
🏖️ 78. Bigfoot, Agent Powers, and the cool teen gang.
Hey!! I posted chapters 61-69 AFTER this chapter, so if you've been reading along and HAVEN'T seen those yet, go back and make sure you've read them!
🏖️ 79. A post-fishing trip evening. The calm before the feds.
COMING SOON:
🕴️ 80. The government investigates the Mystery Shack... again.
The chapters have been renumbered!
Chapter 61 about the destruction of Bill's dimension was scheduled to post the week TBOB came out, so I skipped it and posted chapter 62 with Soos. By the time I rewrote chapter 61... it was 9 chapters long. I've now renumbered all the chapters to squeeze in ch 61-69.
This post was last updated December 17, 2024! If you're seeing this post as a reblog and it's been a while since then, check back on the original post to see if more's been added!
#bill cipher#human bill cipher#gravity falls#gravity falls fic#about my writing#my writing#bill goldilocks cipher#reference
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streamer!ellie hcs ⋆⭒˚。⋆
a/n: this is more focused on ellie and less on ellie x reader but i am for sure gonna follow this up with something else more focused on the both of you >:3
warnings | mentions of weed, the smallest hint towards struggling with eating if you squint
word count: 698
do not buy tlou | ways to help palestine | operation olive branch | keep eyes on sudan | haiti’s history | learn about congo
𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅
‧₊˚౨ৎ started off posting unlisted videos of her playing games with the stupidest, shittiest editing ever for you and her friends to watch and later decided to give streaming a try
‧₊˚౨ৎ starts off her twitch channel as a faceless streamer but does a face reveal when she hits a big milestone
‧₊˚౨ৎ has the creeper mini fridge for sure!!
‧₊˚౨ৎ has a ginger cat named garfield that she exclusively calls garfunkel on stream because her viewers made fun of her for garfield being too unoriginal
“guys, what do you mean it’s unoriginal, look at him. that’s literally garfield, the real deal. you’re all haters.”
‧₊˚౨ৎ plays a bunch of different games: minecraft obviously, fortnite, roblox (and argues with kids on there, you can’t tell me any different). also loves fnaf, elder scrolls and resident evil
‧₊˚౨ৎ more on her liking resident evil, i think she’s not super wimpy when it comes to games like that but she HATES the regenerators from the re4 remake (i’m totally not projecting…)
“i am NOT a wimp, but look at their freaky fucking arms!! and they have gross little butts too, that was not a necessary choice for the character design.”
‧₊˚౨ৎ she does find it funny when she kills them and they jiggle as they fall on the ground though
‧₊˚౨ৎ i’m throwing it in here that she smokes weed because i simply cannot help myself teehee :P
‧₊˚౨ৎ she does more chill streams of her eating n stuff as a way of comforting her viewers so they can eat along with her )):
‧₊˚౨ৎ and in turn chat always spams her with comments to drink water because that girl survives purely on energy drinks to combat her sleepy girl syndrome
‧₊˚౨ৎ abuses the soundboard so heavily, loves using a sound effect of an audience clapping and cheering when she tells the most painfully unfunny joke
‧₊˚౨ৎ she is ABSOLUTELY a jerma985 fan
‧₊˚౨ৎ loves putting her fans on blast and reacting to edits of her on stream and finds it so funny (especially the ones that have the reverb fart noise just randomly slapped in there, she thinks it’s peak humour)
“you guys think i don’t see this stuff? i have eyes everywhere. y’know what though, you guys are actually really talented.”
‧₊˚౨ৎ wears stupid t-shirts that say stuff like “i paused my game to be here” (omg i just found one that says “gamers make better lovers, they know all the right buttons” she would absolutely wear that)
‧₊˚౨ৎ she wears her silly t-shirts with pride and has the audacity to ask chat to rate how hard her fit goes
therealher0brine: BOOOOOO 🍅🍅🍅 0/10
elliebellie69: i beg that you don’t leave the house in that /lh (╥﹏╥)
gnarpgnarp500: never beating the loser lesbian allegations i fear…
“guys you’re just not seeing the vision, sorry that you’re not this cool.”
‧₊˚౨ৎ oh my gosh she is OBSESSED with the little ikea alien, she has multiple of them in her room. she keeps one on her desk and when she sometimes doesn’t know what to say she’ll just hold it up super close to the camera and make incoherent high pitched babbling sounds
smelliams420: omg cancelled you can’t say that dude…
‧₊˚౨ৎ gets her viewers to send in clips and she’ll do high try not to laugh streams and fails miserably because she has the dumbest sense of humour ever. she’ll blame it entirely on the herb though as if her reaction wouldn’t be near enough the same when she’s sober
‧₊˚౨ৎ will occasionally play guitar on stream and she’ll sing too if you catch her in the right mood. she’s a bit awkward about it so it doesn’t happen often cuz she hates messing up and always makes a way bigger deal about it than necessary
“fuck- no wait, i was just messing with you. that fuck up was on purpose, shut up,” and her cheeks are flushed bright red as she tries to brush it off and compose herself before trying again
‧₊˚౨ৎ loves to get sidetracked and info dumps about stuff she is far too knowledgeable on
‧₊˚౨ৎ in conclusion, loser ellie supremacy
a/n: raghhh i love streamer els with my whole heart !!! i’m gonna eat her (˶˃⤙˂˶) anyways i hope you enjoyed, k bye mwah! >3< ♡
#ellie williams#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams headcanons#ellie x fem reader#ellie x reader#ellie williams fanfic#ellie williams imagine#ellie williams fanfiction#ellie williams fluff#ellie williams x female reader#ellie williams x y/n#ellie williams x you#streamer!ellie#streamer au#modern au#modern!ellie
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VICTORIA NEUMAN X ASSISTANT!READER
format: blurb
warnings: nsfw content at the end
word count: 700+
not proofread! y/n used!
- the second you came in for your interview she pretty much decided she was hiring you LMAO
- now i’m not saying she only hired you because of her crush, because your resume genuinely caught her eye, but i’m also not saying it had nothing to do with it 🤷♀️
- she definitely asks you to do things she could easily do just as an excuse to see you
- “y/n! can you come here please?”
- “can you pick up this pen i dropped please? i’ve got suchhh a bad back” she’s so dramatic i love her
- you honestly think she’s just being a bitch and she’s messing with you
- that is until one day she comes to you in the morning, saying today she only has one task for you
- “will you eat lunch with me?” and she has the dorkiest smile of all time on her face
- lunch together becomes a regular thing, going from talking about your favourite tv shows to her telling you about her daughter zoe
- she’s so sad when you eventually tell her you thought she was just like every person you’ve ever worked for, just messing with you for the fun of it
- “no no never! i could never do that, especially not to you” OOOOOO it’s blush city for you both
- things are going great! you love your job. that is until something changes, and victoria randomly stops asking you to do things for her
- i mean you’re her assistant, shouldn’t you be getting her coffee? shouldn’t you be organising her files? shouldn’t you be having lunch with her and not hughie?
- to say this has you down is an understatement, you can’t seem to understand why she has randomly shut you out
- it’s not like she’s not speaking to you, she’s still asking you to do things but they’re all tasks that require you to be away from her. you haven’t even been in her office for nearly two weeks now
- after your hurt builds and builds, you can’t hold it in anymore. you storm into her office demanding to know why she’s avoiding you
- she plays it dumb at first but she knows what she’s been doing so she fesses up
- “fuck… i’m sorry, so sorry. it’s not you i promise, it’s me. i- i like you, okay? like a lot and i know it sounds stupid and i know it’s sooo inappropriate because you’re my assist-“ SILENCED BY A KISS WOOOO
- you’re discrete about it at first, sneaking around and making out in the bathroom stalls like you’re high schoolers
- her bringing you lunch everyday<3
- she so leaves post-it notes on her desk with cute lil messages whenever she has to leave for meetings because it’s where she tells you to just relax
- you don’t bother asking why you’re not allowed to meetings that involve voughts CEO, it’s probably just a confidentiality thing right?
- a bit random but whenever you’re standing talking to somebody i feel like she’d just squeeze your butt?
- canon she’s a butt squeezer
- you don’t fight much but oh boy is your schedule full when you do
- she gives you the stupidest tasks she can think of LMAO
- “can you walk someone’s dog please?” “someone’s dog?” “yeah, just go around asking who has a dog that needs walking” “are you being serious, vic?” “yes i most definitely am, it would help me soooo much you have no idea!”
- I LOVE HER SO MUCHHH
- dating your boss can be annoying at times, but you wouldn’t trade it for the world <3
NSFW TIMEEEE
- officesex!officesex!officesex!
- this honestly deserves its own blurb if i'm being honest
- i feel like she's already dominant in bed anyways but because she’s your boss it’s elevated TO THE MAX.
- “i have one really special task for you today, so listen closely”
- you can barely stay stood up with how weak your knees go (real)
- “i need you to be a good girl for me, how does that sound? you think you can do that for me?” in her husky voice im DECEASED
- one time she cleared her desk by pushing everything on the floor, she immediately regretted it when she realised she had broken almost everything
- “i always see people do it in movies and this doesn’t happen” she’s so upset while she’s picking up a broken picture of you both on the beach
- she’s so silly
- she definitely buys you lingerie to wear underneath your work clothes 🤭
- the amount of flirty texts she sends you during the day just to watch you blush uncontrollably is concerning (when is it my turn)
a/n: requests are always open, hope you enjoyed :)
#victoria neuman x reader#victoria neuman#the boys#the boys x reader#genv#how do i apply for this job NOW#mother isn’t good enough to describe her#i need her every where#i need her anywhere#i need her#I NEED HERRRR
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Living with Raphael
Because I’ve seen so many people do “domestic bliss” posts and similar stuff about other BG3 characters and it made me think. I love him but I would rather go skinny dipping in the Styx than actually live with this man, because I believe he would be the shittiest roommate ever. Here’s why:
Micro-managing: You can’t do shit without his endless sneering and commenting on every tiny little thing you do and it’s all in the name or “keeping the order in his house”. In reality, it has nothing to do with order, it’s just that he has a very particular way of doing things and you’re supposed to just be able to read his mind.
His tantrums: I just know he’s just like his daddy. Calm and collected one second, and literally tearing something apart in unhinged anger the next. How do you know which mood he’s in? You don’t. He can sit quietly doing his business and a simple “how are you” will be enough for him to explode about something that has absolutely nothing to do with you.
Endless yapping or total silence: You’re either forced to listen for hours about something or you literally can’t get him to talk because he’s in his own head. If it’s the former, he doesn’t even care if you don’t want to listen, he will make you listen and don’t you dare pull your attention away from him. If it’s the latter, you might get a “mm” or a ‘yes’ if you’re lucky, but he’s not listening regardless. If you’re unlucky, refer to point two.
Can’t fucking sit still for two seconds: he’s always doing something and it’s all hours of the day. He does not give an imp’s ass if you’re asleep if he decides it’s time to play a fucking symphony on the organ at three o’ clock in the morning. He’ll loudly recite poetry as well and it’s the same couple of verses again…and again…and again…”until it’s perfect”.
‘Mine’: (This is basically Raphael if you’re that age where you remember this show.) Nothing is ‘yours’ or ‘ours’, no no. You’re in his house, no matter how long you’ve lived there or even if you’re goddamn married. Everything is his (you included because you’re under his roof).
Mind games: This one is pretty obvious. Everything will be made into a manipulative mind game of some sort and it would be about the stupidest shit sometimes as well. He’s constantly playing 3D chess and I would resort to, not only eat the pieces to win, but also to maybe just throw the whole board away. Not dealing with your psychological torture, my dude.
Haarlep, I salute you 🫡 No one should be forced to live with him.
#from my drafts. bit of a shitpost really#raphael bg3#raphael the cambion#bg3 raphael#baldur’s gate 3
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