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shadowqnights · 6 months ago

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hello there! i’m perpetually in awe of the scope of what you attempt w your mcd fics!!! i’m not sure if you’ve answered this already, but do you have any advice for writing Diaries fic? most writing advice is the same, but have you found anything particularly helpful to keep in mind when writing fanfic for MCD specifically???

hiii this has been sitting in my inbox for like a month and i could Not figure out how to answer this i am soo sorry. mostly because i get what you mean about most writing advice being the same and i've been struggling to think of how i would differentiate writing for mcd. sorry in advance since i know i yap a lot here and i'm not sure if this is specifically what you were looking for but ummm i'm just gonna list all of the things i keep in mind/like doing and if any of that resonates with you then its a win. i'm also really tired its like 2am but i felt like doing this Right Now for some reason.

[also i may be the wrong person to ask this because i'm a little bit insane and my mcd rewrite worldbuilding is about 10k in my notion now and i'm barely 1/4 of the way through so i don't really know when to Stop with my mcd scope HAHA. plus loverman alone being 500k. i tend to go all-in when it comes to the scope of my fics you mentioned haha so i'm wondering like. what specific parts of the scope you're interested in. if i answer this all wrong by all means please send another ask correcting me and i can try again!!!]

honestly i think my first thing does blend with generic writing advice I'M SORRYYYY. but truly it is just to read more. i was writing fantasy books before mcd fanfiction + i was reading a lot of fantasy books during my mcd fixation [yeah i know its lasted since 2016 shut up]. i really do think that reading and writing go hand in hand, whether fantasy novels or just browsing ao3, reading other people's work is an important part of my writing process. not only is reading a learning opportunity to get to know your own tastes and wants [and the things you might want to avoid in your own writing] but at least for me i get suuuper inspired reading other mcd fics. i may be picky with my tastes but also when i get inspired i get inspired HARD. too tired to link my fav mcd fics just pretend they're here and ask me later for them. when we're writing for mcd we already have to take a bunch of creative liberty and put the work in to fill in the gaps that minecraft can't offer, and the combination of mcd + fantasy world tends to have a lot of gaps. so reading more might give you some inspiration on how to fill those gaps.

-> by gaps, i personally like to think about things that couldn't be communicated as well in minecraft media but you now get to elaborate on in writing! your hands have this awesome gift of being able to fix the stuff you don't like about mcd and elaborate on the stuff you do like. you get to extend what mcd established in cool words and longer words! mcd fanfiction to me is a really [figuratively] sexy pitch of a show that you might struggle to otherwise recommend to someone in its original form, but trust me its good and the fic makes it sound good. so i guess this list is going to be things that i like to think about that make mcd sound good and appealing that flesh it out compared to writing something like mystreet. all of this depends on how far you are willing to stray from canon, whether you're diving into rewrite or just writing canon-adjacent fic, but in terms of fantasy worldbuilding to chuck into mcd, you can think about:

environment, how you would describe the landscape + even things as simple as weather patterns from region to region. get immersed in the world and use it to affect the characters. everyone's got different preferences when it comes to setting / environment description, and since i prefer character driven writing i do personally find it hard to talk about environment but that's definitely something that reading has helped. i'm also throwing generic worldbuilding in here ermmm fantasy novels love worldbuilding. you will love worldbuilding just like me [hypnotising you]. reading fantasy and getting immersed in Other worlds and taking note of the things you like about them might help you. we are going back to english class and we are going to figure out what the author is telling us here and maybe as a fellow author you like it and go hmmm i want to tell my readers something like that too. there are soooo many ways to get immersed into worldbuilding that like i would want to make an entire other post but errmmmm off the top of my head i like thinking about...

architecture! what does each town look like! whats its design and colour palette and how can you incorporate that into your descriptions [since colour will help you set a mood, establish time and just be a general vibe checker]. food! what are these guys eating in a fantasy world! and if you wanna go deeper every character is going to have a personal taste and even if that's not relevant for the fic you're writing right now the little things are still fun to think about because you can always bring it back around to character building. garroth's plain food tastes and total inability to cook for himself come from his upbringing in o'khasis vs laurance's love of food rich with spice and flavour because of joh's home cooking. dante spent a lot of time without a stable home and thus had to become opportunistic and abandon his previous pickiness. etc. etc. there are soo many ways to differentiate fantasy worldbuilding for a mcd fic to make it feel more well-rounded. also things like clothing choices, accessories/bags/inventory [think about if you could see every character's minecraft inventory - what are they carrying around?]. even just simply what the land looks like from place to place? what is the terrain? what minecraft biome are we in right now and how does that affect things like temperature/weather/appearance? is garroth ro'meave pissed because its hot as fuck climbing this mountain on the journey to find aph? you bet ur ass he is. make him suffer. umm you can also think about small-scale threats like minecraft monsters. you gotta have your small guys. highly recommend worldbuilding the nether too because like. the shadow knights are so cool. ermm. ok sorry i talk too much on with more stuff.

weapons, you're in a fantasy world and you can throw in some variety in weaponry that goes beyond basic sword and also bow and arrow if ur vylad. and also giant broadsword if ur aaron. also a good way to get into characterisation from character to character: thinking about how they fight. what kind of weapon do they have? what's their fighting style? you don't Have to give everyone just a plain old sword if you don't really want to. i'm guilty of not doing enough research on swordfighting before i write fight scenes but i also do looove to make fight scenes messy. some of these characters are trained to fight in a certain way and i hate writing their fancy feet but also some characters will not automatically know how to fight and if they get into a scuffle it might be a bit of a panicked mess! i think (hope) that my writing style tends to help with the frenzied kind of brawls that some characters might get into and how when some characters are threatened they might just blindly kick and claw and struggle. and others might just freeze up and some fights might just involve blind punching and clawing and rolling around because [i like it] i like the idea that even in mcd not everyone is cool and collected when confronted with physical altercation. even trained characters might panic a little and get a little bit sloppy and messy with their technique. others might lock tf in. i promise sometimes i just make things up and also i encourage making shit up sometimes when it comes to stuff like that. because there will be a point where you drive yourself insane trying to research a certain fighting style and if its draining your joy and whimsy and passion for the thing you want to write then take a step back. for things like that you can spare yourself some pain. on the opposite end of the spectrum some things Will require putting in the appropriate effort to research and learn about before you write & put your listening learning ears on if you're approached and told that you've written something harmful.

time, time passes a lot faster in minecraft but in fics you can afford to write time going slower and use it to your advantage. i'm trying to think of examples ummm making travelling seem more exhausting, injuries healing realistically, even mentioning things like seasons and weather and time of day to show the passage of time as a tangible thing rather than the fic being a tiny little character-driven bubble. mcd has a lot of stuff to do with time, eg. the irene dimension skip, but you can also think about character ages and how time passes through each season. minecraft logic has babies grow up in like 5 episodes and speeds things up for the sake of plot but when you're writing you can afford to be more grounded. if you want to apply exact logic levin would be at least around 3+ by the time aph and the gang enter the irene dimension. characters feel way more relatable when you think about mcd taking place over years + the 15 year time skip, even if you don't write that Directly into a fic, its a helpful gap to fill. i like to mention certain events happening over a matter of weeks or months to keep the reader aware of the passage of time and also put certain things into perspective.

injuries, things are gonna hurt. a lot. these guys are fighting insane style with insane weapons. obviously this one isn't for everyone, but i personally do like battering the mcd characters around a lot more because they're fighting with big boy weapons and, if its your thing, a fic can turn a minecraft slapfight real serious and mature real quick. i like writing gore and angst and that's not going to be everyone's cup of tea, but if its yours you can definitely think about injuries. put some research into how those injuries actually occur and how they work in the body + healing times! research how scars look and how they heal as well as long-term injuries. my mcd fics tend to play with body horror and gore and those help add to stuff like shadow knight freakiness and up the stakes when it comes to fight scenes and weapons because it feels like there is a real threat. that's an entirely personal thing for me because that looming major character death tag is Right There and i do kind of enjoy keeping up a constant state of fear. its good to feel like the world has stakes and consequences. and also i like making mcd bloody and a leetle bit darker which does kind of come into play with my worldbuilding so i thought id mention it.

ummm and finally speech/dialogue i think is the biggest one i keep in mind and its a big difference between my mcd and mys fics. i tend to write a lot more flowery (i don't know the right word) for mcd . mcd leans more into the fantasy genre and so i write mcd with a greater focus on world rather than character [i know i said that i prefer character writing before so just hear me out here]. when writing mcd i am far more aware of the greater world that surrounds the characters and even when its not explicitly mentioned i am Thinking about that worldbuilding. whereas when i write mystreet i am in a very character-driven hole and the greater world is not quite as on my mind. even canon mcd assists with this because the world is far more expansive and involves the divine warriors + mystreet doesn't incorporate that world until far later in the seasons and only really vaguely refers to irene as a swear rather than the distinct religious practices present in mcd. comparatively irene has a very constant presence throughout the mcd narrative from season 1 even when her lore was being retconned all over the place. beyond that Awareness of the expansive mcd world, i mention environment far more in mcd fics compared to mys fics. i set scenes way more slowly and take the time to ground the characters in the world and talk about the landscapes/weather/sky a lot oops and it really is because mcd has more of the natural world involved as well as very different architecture. i always like having the environment in mind when i write mcd. and dialogue i write very specifically far more old fashioned and lately i've been trying to make my mcd dialogue feel a lot more traditional. characters obviously are going to speak a lot formally and less casually than their mys counterparts, but i play that up for characters like garroth and zane [zane hasn't been back in a hot minute but when he is back this will come into effect] who don't tend to use contractions as much as ones like laur, for example. i've started drawing out their sentences a bit more, and i also tend to read dialogue aloud to myself a lot to sound it out, see how it feels. even in a fantasy world, realistically characters are going to have vocal quirks, going to stammer on certain words or stumble over their sentences sometimes. i find it adds a sort of realism to their speech to sound out dialogue to yourself to feel how it sounds to say. that's something relevant for mystreet too but still. [and you might have noticed already that my casual typing style tries to mimic where i would usually stumble my words irl or pause for breath or to think HAHA i'm trying to stop it to make my sentences clearer and far more readable since not everyone reads the way that i interpret my own speech into text].

ok sorry i talked so much its 2am here and im literally about to crash so if something in here doesn't make sense its definitely because i'm tired as fuck and about to pass out. that last paragraph was nonsensical im so aware but i hoped at least a little bit of this answered your question. just yell in my asks if i didn't fully answer the question or if you want me to elaborate on anything okay thank youuuu yippeee yipeyipye sorry for yapping bai

#bee's buzzing #minecraft diaries #mcd

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moku-youbi · 1 year ago

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List of Current Klive Projects

So I have waaaaay too many unpublished WIPs in various stages of completion, from just plot bunnies, to complete outlines, to partial chapters, to almost completed fics, lmao. Currently my main focus has been If It's Not Love (Then It's the Bomb) with some oneshots or short multichapter fics scattered. However I've just started posting the follow-up to my Hitman Five fic (Kill Me Twice), Let Me Tear You to Pieces, which is going to be multichapter, and later this month or next month I'll be posting something else--but what that is remains up for debate, as I'm spoiled for choice on what to work on.

The question I have, I guess, is what of my 9 billion ideas sounds most appealing to others. So poll time! Here's a brief(ish) rundown of my various projects for Klive. Take a look and tell me what you'd most like to see!

*Accidental Sugar Daddy AU (~50k ish?) Season 4 AU where the rest of his siblings are making lives for themselves without their powers, but Klaus has no idea what to do with himself. Luckily for him, Five is more than happy to take care of him in the meantime. But as Five goes to more and more extravagant lengths to keep him happy, Klaus feels like he should be giving something back. And when Diego jokingly calls him Five's Sugar Baby, Klaus can't stop thinking about just how he could show his appreciation. Basically Didn't Know They Were Dating followed by Mutual Pining While Fucking, Misunderstandings, Angst, and a delightfully cheesy Happy Ending :D

*The Professional Cuddler AU (likely ~20k) - Ben is a professional cuddler who has an emergency and asks his BFF Klaus to take his appointments for him one day. Five is a maladjusted, touch-starved little psycho and his BFF Viktor buys him a session with a professional cuddler to see if it might help. *Danger Days AU (multi-chapter probably in the 75k+ range) Set in the Danger Days universe (from My Chemical Romance's album/videos/comics), Reginald rules the world and various of his adopted children run major cities. Five runs Battery City, with the Handler training his SCARECROWS. Five ends up with a new sexbot that doesn't behave like bots are supposed to, but as angry as it makes him, he's not about to return the bot... Klaus, meanwhile, is a top of the line, self-aware, true AI and secretly working with the underground, sending info back to Diego and Lila, and trying to find out where Reginald's last son, Viktor, has disappeared to.

*Time Travel What Ifs # 1 (multi-chapter ~25-50k) When Reginald throws Klaus out of the tunnel in season 3, he doesn't manage to die in time before the Kugelblitz gets him...and he wakes up back in the season 1 timeline, tied to a chair in Hazel and Cha-Cha's motel room. Klaus sets about fixing the timeline in a decidedly Klaus way, much to the bafflement of his siblings who wanna know what the hell happened to change their brother so dramatically overnight. (Also, Five keeps walking in on Klaus in various stages of undress. This is not essential to the plot, but I do adore it :D)

*Time Travel What Ifs #2 (probably a fairly porny oneshot ~ 10k at most??) Five's equations end him up in the mid 00s in a hot young 20-something body. 15 yo Klaus is super fucking into it, and trying to seduce Five, while Five tries to resist. He eventually fails to resist...

*Mob AU (?? 15-30K ish??) Psycho Mob Enforcer Five is the Boss's favourite, but has to leave town a while to lay low. Upon coming back and he takes a special interest in, and starts stalking, the Boss's newest sidepiece Klaus. Klaus is, predictably, super into it (and all the glorious fallout of that relationship when Five's not willing to share with anyone, boss or no...)

*Old Man Five/Hooker Klaus (25-50k) Old Man Five hops through the timeline trying to help improve his siblings' lives, even if they don't know it's him. When he gets to Klaus, he figures some money could improve his situation, but Klaus is disinclined to take money without providing services in return...Five doesn't mean to fuck his brother, but once he gets started, he's not about to stop. Klaus becomes his kept boy, and Klaus, despite the fact that he doesn't know much about his mysterious benefactor who disappears for long stretches of time, starts to fall in love. Except then Five disappears for good (after the Handler threatens to kill Klaus if Five keeps going back). Upon returning to his 13 yo body, Five doesn't want to tell Klaus the truth, assuming he'll be pissed to find out it was Five all along. But then Luther, the only one who's seen Old Five finds a photo of him in the background of some major historical event, and upon seeing it, Klaus blows up like wtf how could you not TELL ME??? and there is DRAMA and a fair amount of angst, but an eventual happy ending.

*Daemon AU (a la His Dark Materials; 10-20k ish, oneshot-ish, probably with other short one-offs in same ' verse) I have SO MANY FEELS ABOUT KLAUS' DAEMON OKAY??? And I don't want to get into them too much without being spoilery. But basically some vague timeline what timeline where they avoid the apocalypse and still have their powers and settle back into the manor. No one has seen Five's daemon since he returned to their timeline, leading his siblings to believe she must have been severed from him. No *humans* have seen her, but Klaus' daemon has, and the two of them hang out a lot. Meanwhile Klaus' daemon is as much of a mess as he is, thnks to various experiments Reggie performed, and of course the issue of what becomes of the daemon of a person who can die and return to life, when upon death, a daemon becomes Dust? Basically these two have some fucked up issues that are reflected in their daemons, which leads everyone around them to jump to conclusions. But mostly it's a really soft, romantic fic, of Five's daemon taking care of Klaus and Klaus taking care of Five, and just...lots of feels guys, okay?!

*Meet as Teens AU (25-50kish) Cancer Patient Five's family move to America for treatment. In the small town nearby, he meets Amish Klaus, who works at his family's market. Five's going through a bit of a rebellious phase (facing some really bad odds with his cancer) and Klaus lives on the fringes of his society, an outcast because of his weird abilities. Of course they gravitate towards one another, but when Five gets bad news after his most recent round of treatment, Klaus decides to visit the Girl and ask for a favour. *Commune AU (under 20k oneshot/maybe several short ~2-5k ficlets) Instead of selling Five when Reginald comes calling, Efa, whose family has a plot of land, invites other mothers of the powered children to drop off their babies if they don't want them. And if you want your baby but can't keep them because of shitty family situations, drop yourself off, too. Basically some of the moms stay and together they raise and teach and train the children together. The kids grow up happy and moderately well-adjusted and Reginald gets none of them, the dick. Five and Klaus are good friends, but then genius Five heads off to university pretty young, then a year of study abroad, and they mostly only keep in touch via mail. Five comes back from his study abroad to find Klaus has finally moved off the commune, and when he mentions not wanting to live in the dorms next semester, his mum mentions Klaus having space in his apartment. The last time Five saw him, Klaus was still that sort of wary, fluffy farm boy. But then Five walks into Klaus' gallery and both of them are all "oh no he's hot." Klaus is all cool and sexy and tattooed, and has all these friends and Five's despairing "what is he going to see in me, his square, nerdy friend." and Klaus is all, "ugh, Five is so hot and serious and he must think I'm so immature and stupid"

IDK if this will get any response whatsoever, since Klive fandom is so small, but I figured I'd try!

#klive #fic ideas #fic bunnies #tua

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neondiamond · 2 years ago

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⛄️ Recently Read Fics - January 2023 ⛄️

These are all the amazing fics I read over the past month (from shortest to longest). Don’t forget to leave kudos and comments to show the authors your appreciation if you read any of these! 💙

⛄️ Bad Move, Just Act Normal by @berzerkshires (600, NR)

Quarterback Harry Styles wore rookie kicker Louis Tomlinson's jersey to a press conference.

⛄️ Little Taste by @wabadabadaba (1k, G)

a morning with little Harry and caregiver Louis.

⛄️ Let’s Get Skating by @wabadabadaba (1k, G)

Harry plans on going ice skating alone but those plans change when a very cute stranger forgets his headphones.

⛄️ (Route)r To My Heart by @itsnotreal (1k, M)

Harry’s upstairs neighbor is loud as fuck. What better way to deal with the problem than by being passive aggressive with his WiFi’s name?

⛄️ sweaty palms and racing hearts by @onlythebravest (1k, G)

A short story of two shy, nervous and blushing boys on a date at the cinema.

⛄️ Falling (For Two) by @louistomlionson (1k, NR)

In the middle of a morning run, Harry loses his balance. Niall and Louis are walking to their car just in time to witness his tumble and, lucky for him, more than happy to help.

⛄️ London by @hellolovers13 (2k, M)

A lazy morning in bed.

Finally home.

⛄️ Odd Dogs by @londonfoginacup (3k, G)

Zayn is not a dog person. Zayn does not understand dogs. He doesn’t know why they do what they do.

Yet here he is, at the doors of the Allegheny Dog Rescue, staring in at an odd dog and a blue eyed boy.

⛄️ Christmas Pretenders by @larryatendoftheday (4k, T)

When Niall convinced Louis to come home with him for the holidays as his fake boyfriend, he never expected he'd run into the loveliest man he'd ever seen.

⛄️ just an (un)ordinary evening by @onlythebravest (4k, E)

Harry and Louis during an ordinary weekday evening, having a somewhat slow and relaxing night together.

⛄️ You Taught Me A Lesson (That Feelings Are Reckless) by @whenyoucallmelover (5k, G)

the one where Harry and Louis live together but like to ignore each other... Until one day, they don't.

⛄️ ‘Sno(w) Joke by @sun-tomato (5k, NR)

The last thing Louis wanted was to get stranded on his birthday.

But perhaps it was exactly what he needed.

Featuring a snow storm, a library, and a very grumpy Harry Styles.

⛄️ The Hour of Us by @louistomlionson (5k, M)

Harry loves her quiet life with her two partners, Niall and Louis. But one day, her magic starts acting up. Will Harry be able to figure out what's happening, how to fix it, and soon?

⛄️ Wanted: Dog Walker by @louandhazaf (6k, G)

Louis needs a dog walker.

Harry answers the ad.

⛄️ All at once, this is enough by @lunarheslwt (7k, G)

Harry, overcome with burn out, wants to nest but he has never nested before, doesn’t know how to. Louis, his best friend, is only happy to help him make a nest and be there for him. Along the way, they find something more.

⛄️ All Shook Up by @littleroverlouis (9k, T)

Memphis, Tennessee is looking to crown the Ultimate Elvis Tribute artist. A majority of the contestants are content to shake their hips on stage, but singer-songwriter Harry is taking it more seriously. He is confident his voice and charisma will send him straight through to the finals.

He is already polishing his crown before even setting foot on stage, until he meets a fellow competitor. Louis is talented, charming, and a natural born performer. He commands the stage— and Harry's attention.

Harry has his eye on the prize and the Ultimate title, but what happens when someone becomes the ultimate prize?

⛄️ It’s Thursday. Let’s Get (un)Dressed. by @bananaheathen (9k, E)

When Louis is peer-pressured into downloading TikTok over the holidays, he fully expects to hate it. And he does hate it. All of it. Well... except for aspiring OOTD influencer, @harrystyles.

⛄️ Behind closed doors by @greenblueish (10k, E)

the one where omega Louis finds a sock on alpha Harry's door handle that causes a big misunderstanding but is also the beginning of something new.

⛄️ Midnight by @kingsofeverything (10k, E)

“Alphas are for fucking and pheromones,” Louis said during their first conversation, when he was moving into the building and Harry offered to help haul boxes up the stairs. “I’m perfectly capable of carrying my own groceries.”

Louis relented when his Omega friend Zayn intervened and asked if he was also capable of moving his couch by himself. All Harry’d wanted to do was be a good neighbor. Now, here he is, half a year later, balls deep and four months into a no strings attached, sex only situation with the Omega of his dreams. He’s still not sure how it happened.

⛄️ Eyes on the Horizon by @uhoh-but-yeah-alright (12k, E)

Freshly dumped, recently fired, and about to turn 40, Harry's friends insist on taking him skydiving to cheer him up. His younger and extremely fit instructor Louis makes him even more nervous than the idea of jumping out of a plane, but both may be exactly what he needs to turn his life around.

⛄️ maybe we could be enough by @liberty-barnes (13k, M)

Harry wasn’t afraid to admit that his wedding...well, his entire marriage, really, wasn’t exactly what he’d pictured.

He’d wanted a big celebration, with family on either side of the aisle, flowers everywhere, beautiful clothes, and most importantly: his loving fiancé waiting at the altar with a heart-stopping smile on his face.

He did not, however, get that beautiful wedding.

[or, five times Harry hated Louis, and one time he loved him.]

⛄️ Your Gift is Wasted On Me by @bravetemptation (54k, NR)

Omega Louis has severe touch deprivation and is averse to touch. But he’s fine. Really.

Alpha Harry is the new neighbor who loves to bake cookies and is very curious about the omega across the hall.

#28th appreciation #mostly shorter fics this month because that’s all i really had time for #monthly recs #fic rec #trackinghome #trackinghappily #tracksintheam #hlcreators

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mthofferings2023 · 1 year ago

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deluxemycroft

See deluxemycroft’s existing works here.

Preferred contact methods: Twitter: whenhedied Email: [email protected]

Preferred organizations: - ALA "Unite Against Book Bans" Campaign - Center for Reproductive Rights - Innocence Project - National Network of Abortion Funds - Rainbow Railroad (See the list of approved organizations here)

Will create works that contain: Soulmate AU, angst with a happy ending, incest, non-con, miscommunication, everyone/someone is Hydra AU, someone else is the Winter Soldier AU, mind reading/telepathy, Infinity War AU, main character death (temp or otherwise), omegaverse, mind control, character losing limb/becoming disabled, trans characters, selfcest

Will not create works that contain: sad ending, kidfic, suicide, genderswap, magic fixes disabilities, cheating

-- Fic or Other Writing --

Auction ID: 1073

Will create works for the following relationships: Clint Barton/Loki - MCU Clint Barton/Stephen Strange - 616, MCU Clint Barton/Sam Wilson - MCU Bucky Barnes/Clint Barton - MCU Clint Barton-centric - 616, MCU Loki/Thor - 616, MCU Wong-centric - 616, MCU Stephen Strange/Wong - 616, MCU Loki/Steve Rogers - MCU Loki/Sylvie - MCU

Work Description: I would suggest being familiar with my works/my interpretation of the characters before bidding so we're all on the same page. I will provide regular updates at whatever interval we agree on (ie once per week/month/etc) and am happy to open up the Google Docs document so you can read along, or you can wait until it's done to be surprised! Length is dependent on the bid amount--I'll start off at 10k for $10 and every $5 bid is another 5k. This comes with a hefty disclaimer: the length of the fic is a goal, not a 100% guarantee. I tend to run quite long but I don't want to disappoint anyone! Sometimes I think a fic will be 5k and it ends up being 50k. Sometimes I think it will be 20k and it ends up being 6k. So there's a lot of variables to the equation and I want to avoid any possible misunderstandings. I will be as open as possible about the length I believe the fic will be, and if it ends up being longer than the bid length, I'm happy to write that. Happy to write more if the fic ends up being short. Open to discussion on this as well. I am primarily Clint Barton focused, but willing to explore other characters/relationships. Please contact me to discuss other ships or kinks that aren't listed or mentioned--I am pretty open to writing most things, even taboo stuff. Please see my works for examples. I am also happy to do threesomes of the characters listed, or involve characters not listed, although there are ships I won't write. I can't guarantee a finishing date other than it will be done by the soft close of Sept 2024. I will get started ASAP. I would prefer that you contact me before bidding so we can all be on the same page. I am most responsive on twitter. I am willing to write something in a universe/fic I've already written, or something completely new. I really like exploring characters and figuring out what makes them tick, as well as exploring those characters in unfamiliar environs and situations. I really love writing Infinity War AUs or post Infinity War fics, so please bid if that's your interest as well!!

Ratings: Gen, Teen, Mature, Explicit

Can pods bid on this auction? No - I'd rather not be bid on by pods

CLICK HERE TO BID ON THIS WORK

The auction runs from October 22 (12 AM ET) to October 28 (11:59:59 PM ET). Visit marveltrumpshate.com during Auction Week to view all of our auctions and to place your bids!

#deluxemycroft #auction: fic #mth 2023

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theriverbeyond · 2 years ago

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idk if you are still doing the writing asks but if so, 3 & 28? 👀

YES i am!! ty

3: How would you describe your writing style?

ngl i am going to actually steal this from you and say my writing style is "vibes". like it's a vibesy style. idk how else to describe it. also have been described as "portentous" in a complimentary way which i think i agree with as well. I definitely lean more into like a self indulgent melodramatic ambiance mostly bc i think it is fun

28: Any writing advice that works for you and you feel like sharing?

kill your darlings but save them in a jar....... i have a 15k and always growing document that is just pieces i removed from other fics. i think it allows me to be aggressive with my editing in service of the end result while also being able to pull from it whenever either back into the document or into a different fic where it works better. also i like it bc it is like a record of what i did

when I am doing my final editing passes, I 1) change the font of the whole document and 2) as I edit paragraphs or if there are parts I feel unsure about, I change the text color. Then, as I am editing further, I get the satisfaction of marking a section as "done" by changing the text color back to black and also I don't have to scroll looking for what I marked as needing a fix, I just go right to the red parts

sometimes.... not writing..... is what allows me to write. see: the week before last I wrote maybe 10k+ in a week. the week before that I didn't write at all, and this last week i wrote.... <200? idk sometimes u just have to roll w it and not beat yourself up like i KNOW i can only write when I feel a little bit possessed so when I'm not it's like, why fight it i am here to have fun. if i'm not having fun then i am going to go do something else and not feel bad about it bc the google doc will be there when i come back. like sometimes i do feel bad abt it but this is the mentality i try to have

similar to above if something you write seems really bad put it away for a week or a month. i have done this so many times and sometimes it actually is really bad but most of the time i'm like "HUH ok. past me was really onto something with this"

send me writing asks!

#ask games #ask #thanks this was fun!!#i am like not sure if i am someone who should be dispensing writing advice as im a very novice myself but yeah!!#also sometimes u just need someone else to hype up your idea to u if u lose steam

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misspearly1 · 2 years ago

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Chp1 || Chp2 || Chp3 || Chp4 || Chp5 || Chp6 || Chp7 || Chp8 || Chp9 ||

Pairing: Werewolf!Joel Miller x You (F!Reader)

Summary: Looking back on how your life has turned out this far, you often wonder if you got more than you bargained for when finally finding your safe haven within the walls of Jackson. They have it all; food, shelter and electricity, but what else did you come to discover that lives within this thriving community? And how did that discovery change your life?

WC: A little over 10k

Warnings: 18+ Content. Minors DNI! A little bit of Angst in this fic (with a happy ending). Elements of fear. Smut. Unprotected PIV. Monster Sex. Oral (F receiving). Knotting. Maybe slight dubious content? But I will warn it just in case. Mentions of Nudity and Nudism. This is Monster!Joel, therefore he is a little out of control, but not too much. If you think I have missed anything in the warnings, don't hesitate to call me out on it and I will fix my mistake, thank you my loves <3

AN: Oh... Wow-wow-wow. It's been a while building up to this, but it's what I had planned to write all along. If anyone has missed/forgotten about the little snippet of what to expect in this series with Monster Joel, here is the link. Without further ado, let's jump into it. I hope you enjoy the read my loves <3

You only wanted to help, only help him through this night of pain and make it easier for him, but instead, you let the beast inside of him catch your scent and he broke free from the chains. The werewolf on a full moon isn’t the werewolf you’ve seen in Joel before. It’s different… he’s different. You should have stayed home and listened to Joel’s warnings because now, a monster hunts you with an insatiable hunger, impossible to be satisfied until it gets what it wants.

You - the monster in Joel wants you.

Earlier That Day

Waking up this seemingly normal Thursday morning, there was nothing normal about it as you knew what today is; today is the day of a full moon, it will rise at midnight, bringing its powers over Joel and Tommy - the werewolves of Jackson.

You’ve been in the cabin for the last two days, the very same cabin where Joel suffers a night of pain in the basement, bound by chains, but he brought you back to Jackson late last night and Tommy came out to head back up the mountains with his brother. That’s where you began to understand how severe it is for them both on a full moon.

Sleep didn’t come so easily for you when laying in your own bed without the warmth of Joel beside you, it felt bizarre. To spend two nights in bed with him, feeling like it’s where you belong, like you belong with Joel, to then spend a night in bed on your own, feeling lost and out of place. Something wasn’t adding up, it’s like there was something magical happening, something supernatural.

After laying bed for hours last night trying to figure out what exactly that was, you came to remember a very small detail that could have enormous meaning. The full moon. Joel and Tommy found you in the forest on the night of a full moon - and they were in control. The Millers only shared a little of their experiences of what happens on this night once a month because it’s traumatic. They shared that it’s painful, terrifying and uncontrollable.

Joel made you swear yesterday when he brought you back to Jackson that you would stay here and wait for him to come back tomorrow, but what if you can help? You knew about the different moons of the year and helped them understand why it’s different for them each month, but what if you can help with other things too? Like making this one particular night of every month more bearable for them?

Something was gnawing at you to help them. Intuition was driving you to get out of bed this seemingly normal Thursday morning and go back up into the mountains to help Joel and Tommy. It can’t be a coincidence, nothing is ever a coincidence anymore. You realise now that everything happens for a reason. It’s fate. Fate drew the wolves to you that night, fate spared your life and brought you to safety. It was fate that has guided your every step, all you have to do is listen to it.

However, you can’t just leave Jackson, that’s going to cause problems and you can’t take another day off work. Melinda was kind enough to give you two days off instead of one. You have to go back today, make your appearances and act like everything is normal, when it isn’t. It isn’t a normal day today because as soon as nightfall's and your shift is over, you’re sneaking out of Jackson.

Stepping out of the shower, you moved towards your closet and got dressed while also packing a little bag of clothes. You’ll need to be careful about your plan tonight, you need a horse and a way to sneak past the gates without being seen. During your brief time working as wall duty, you know that Mark will be working the wall tonight and with a bit of luck, he may let you out without saying anything to Maria. You haven’t yet had a chance to talk to Maria since learning about Joel and Tommy being the werewolves, and it’s best that you stay clear for now anyways because you can’t face the woman while planning to disobey her.

After grabbing a quick snack to eat, you leave the house to make your way to work with your backpack of clothes and other items to help you travel. No one will ask why you have a backpack, people will just assume you’re bringing food to work. Making your way through the snow, it came down heavy again last night and the small group of people tasked to clear it all away were working double time this morning. The main streets were cleared already, but because it came down heavily last night, the streets lined with houses need to be cleared too. Thankfully for them, they have two horses pulling a wagon to help lighten the load of work.

Turning the corner to the main square of Jackson, the restaurant doors were just opening. A couple of the windows were still covered with cardboard and all of the mess had been cleared away since that night the bandits breached the walls, however the evidence of their raid remains. Bullet holes in the walls or floor and cardboard windows were left behind because of them. The restaurant is still up and running, but it has suffered. Hopefully with time, you and everyone else in Jackson can help bring it back to what it once looked like, maybe even better.

You greet Tracy and Jack when pushing past the doors, while also thanking them for taking the morning shift to help Mel prepare. Heading into the kitchen to drop your backpack in the small room at the back for peoples belongings, you then greet Mel who was just walking up the basement stairs, carrying two heavy bags of vegetables. “Here, let me grab these.” You rush over to her, reaching for the bags.

“Oh thank you, child.” She beams, swiping a hand across her forehead. Mel had worked up quite a sweat carrying the vegetables up the stairs and you apologised for not getting here sooner, to which she brushed you off and damn near scolded you for apologising in the first place. “Nonsense. You got here just on time, sweety. I’m just not as strong or fit as I once was ten years ago.”

“I don’t think any of us are.” You laugh while bringing the bags over to the table for her. “We’re all comfortable and cosy here in Jackson. It’s natural for us to unwind and settle down when we feel safe.”

“Yes, I suppose that’s true.” Shrugging, Mel agrees and even shares a laugh, although it was only brief as you remind yourself of the sacrifices people have made to make this place as safe as it is, especially the people who have lost their lives when danger has shown up at our gates. You remind yourself to be grateful of the things Jackson provides, of the things Joel and Tommy do to make this place safe. That’s one of the reasons why you want to help them, they do so much for you and the community, and you want to return the favour by helping them in any way that you can.

After sharing a brief catch-up chat with Mel, you make your way through the kitchen door with a small book and pen in your hand, ready to take people's orders. You’re ready to get back to work, to get back to your normal life, even if you are juggling with a second life of knowing about werewolves. As the day passes over, you meet and greet a lot of residents, all who express their apologies for the way you were treated in the past. Some people even admitted their mistakes, while other people were apologising on the behalf of others. It was sweet, you appreciated that they would do that for you and it made your shift breeze over a whole lot easier. Even when Eugene came in and gave you a courteous nod, that was most surprising but you liked the respect he was giving you now.

In the late afternoon, you had a half hour break before coming back for the evening service and took it upon yourself to visit the horse stables near the wall, just to scope out the area and see what you will have to do in order to sneak past without issues, and hopefully see Mark. You’re holding onto a whim of hope that he will help you out, but if not, you’re going to be a bad friend and say that he owes you one for saving his life that night when climbed down from the wall to retrieve the moose you killed. It’s wrong to use that to get what you want, but you’re adamant that it’s for a good cause. It’s to help Joel and Tommy, and you would explain that if there wasn’t a need to hide their secret.

Approaching the stables and looking up to the small watch-towers along the wall, you couldn’t see Mark there but you did see someone else. Someone you didn’t exactly want to see and have hoped to avoid. It was Jake, he was there, and he started to climb down after noticing you. Sighing, you pull yourself together and brace for the awkward conversation that is coming. You can feel it.

“Hey.” Jake calls, breaking out into a light job to meet you at the entrance of the stables. Returning a small ‘hi’ to the man, you didn’t exactly want to talk to Jake, especially not after Joel struck him in the face on your behalf. He still had a bruise, it wasn’t bad, but still, there was a bruise along his jawline, reminding you of what he did and why Joel did what he did.

“How are you? I noticed you were gone for a couple days.” You noticed, or checked up on me?

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just spent some time outside of Jackson.” Nodding to him, you furrow your brows for a second with confusion as to why he took notice that you were gone for two days. After the humiliating treatment Jake received from Joel, you didn’t think he’d ever want to see you again, and Joel did warn him to stay away from you as well.

“I um…” Faltering with his words, Jake palms the scruff of his neck like he was nervous. “I just wanted to say that I am sorry - again, and I hope that you and I can someday get past this.” Yeah… me too, Jake, me too. You nod once more, thank him for his apology and turn to walk through the stables, acting like you were greeting the animals and petting them, when you were really picking one out to take later, however Jake follows.

“Hey, so uh.. What are you doing later after work?” He asks and your face contorts. Why the fuck is he asking that? What is he doing right now? Your silence only worsens the awkwardness as Jake reveals what he has in mind. “I thought maybe I could walk you home and we could have a chat or something.”

“Jake.” You sigh, turning around to face him. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, but me and you..” Pointing to the air between you both, you shake your head with a thin lipped smile. “That won’t happen. It’s never gonna happen again between me and you, and besides… I’m seeing someone else.”

“Who? Joel?” Scoffing, Jake crosses his arms and expresses a look of disgust. “But he’s an asshole, who threatened me by the way and told me that I can’t come near you again. What do you see in a guy like that?”

Fighting back the urge to smile, you really wanted to say ‘everything’. You see everything in Joel and he makes you feel like the only girl in the world. When you’re with him, everything feels right. Even when he pissed you off and hurt your feelings, he made you feel a certain type of way. Like the attraction simmered beneath the hate. “Joel is an asshole - that I agree with.” You laugh lightly to Jake, cheeks blushing a little. “And he shouldn’t have threatened you, but he’s a good man, Jake. He’s a good man inside and out, you just have to see through the wall he puts up.”

“But… I thought maybe me and you could be friends again at the very least.” Sighing, Jake drops his arms at his sides, looking bummed out. You weren’t really friends to begin with, it was just sex and it was only one time, but you felt pity for him and thought of something that could be beneficial to your issue about leaving Jackson tonight without being seen.

“Do you really want to try and make things right between us?” You ask, stepping closer so that no one could hear what you were about to say next. “There won’t be a me and you, Jake, but we could be friends if you help me out with something…” When his brows rose with intrigue, you knew you had found your plan to sneak out. “... I need to leave Jackson tonight with a horse and without being seen.”

“What, why?” Shaking his head with those questions, it instantly made you worry if he wouldn’t go through with this and actually snitch on your plans to leave. The last thing you want is Maria to find out, she would certainly do everything in her power to make sure you stay.

“All I can say is that it’s important that I get to Joel… No one can know about this, Jake. You can’t tell anyone.” He ponders in thought for a few seconds, and as the silence grows, so do your doubts that he will go through with it, however he looks over his shoulder like he is weary of anyone hearing him. “Would you…” He lowers his voice to a whisper, “Would you have a word with Joel if I do this for you? I don’t want him punching me for helping you out.”

“Yes-yes!” Practically jumping on the spot with victory, you thanked Jake and nodded profusely. “Yes, I will tell Joel that I put you up to this, I will take all the responsibility - now, how are we doing this? Won’t the workers on the wall see us leaving?”

“There’s another way out.” Jake shakes his head, explaining the plan and what to do. “I have patrol duty later, I’ll be back around the same time you finish work. Just head to the east side of Jackson on Lowell street. The last house at the end, right beside the wall, it’s empty and in the backyard, you’ll see a loose plank marked with an X. The teenagers use it to sneak out all the time.”

“Right, ok.” You nod, hearing him loud and clear and understanding exactly what you need to do. “Thank you for this, Jake. I really appreciate your help.”

“It’s the least I can do, gorgeo- Sorry.” Cutting himself and apologising for calling you gorgeous, Jake got ahead of himself and forgot that you were Joel’s lady for a second. You smile, understanding his mistake and pat him on the shoulder to reassure that it was okay. “I gotta go back to work, but I’ll see you later.”

Waving him a goodbye, you make your way back to work and continue acting like everything is normal. You still had some time to spare so you ate something out of the restaurant before picking up your little notepad and pen again to take more orders. The evening service would fly over and before you know it, you will be outside and on your way to the cabin to help Joel and Tommy.

An hour into service, you get a little surprise when Ellie comes into the restaurant and sits in your section of tables. “Hi.” She greets you with a smile, then asks what is on the menu tonight.

“Nothing special I’m afraid, kiddo.” You shrug with a laugh. “Mac and cheese, cold sandwiches or soup.” After picking out the mac and cheese, you asked what drink she would like and she asked for a glass of water. “Sure, you got it Ellie. I’ll be right back.”

Heading into the kitchen, you told Melinda to serve up one bowl of mac and cheese while filling up a tall glass of water. Ellie doesn’t come here often, only on the occasion with her family members. This is the first time you’ve seen her here on her own. Making your way back to her table, you were curious as to what she was getting up to tonight without Joel being here. “How are you doing? You know, without Joel or Tommy around, are you okay?”

“Oh yeah.” The young girl jokingly puffs a sharp breath of air past her lips, as if she was insulted. “I’m staying with Dina tonight, don’t worry about me, but thank you, Y/N.” Nodding to her, you didn’t want to pry and come across as overbearing to Ellie, she is a young adult after all and can take care of herself, though you can only imagine how much Joel would be worrying for her if you put yourself in his shoes.

Going back to the kitchen to retrieve her food, you came back out and saw another girl sitting on her table with a tall young man. “Hey.” You greeted the newcomers when approaching the table, lowering Ellie’s food before turning to them to ask. “Would you like me to take your orders?”

“I’ll have what Ellie’s having.” The girl speaks out, smiling to Ellie from across the table before reaching her hand out. “I’m Dina by the way, and this is Jesse.”

Taking her hand and shaking it once with a smile, you introduced yourself then turned to Jesse, offering a hand out to him. “Nice to meet you Jesse.”

“Likewise.” He replies, taking your hand and shaking it while nodding twice. “You’re Joel’s lady, right?”

“Jesse!” Both Ellie and Dina yell out in unison, the both of them lowering their heads with a small bout of nervous giggles. Jesse widens his eyes with a shrug, oblivious to what he has done so wrong, and so were you, but you found it funny and laughed it off. “It’s okay, I suppose you could say I am Joel’s lady, but maybe you should ask him that question instead.”

“See?” Jesse turns to his friends, hands held out like he was defending himself. “I told you they were dating. Ya’ll were too afraid to ask-” Dina nudged Jesse before he could finish his sentence, then looked up at you with sorry eyes. “Forgive us for speculating, we just haven’t seen Joel act this way before and guessed that you had something to do with it.” She says with a cringing smile.

“Oh - that’s quite alright.” Laughing, you understood why they may have felt intrusive to ask about you and Joel. Your relationship with him is in the early stages, you don’t even know if you’re his lady or not, but you have to admit that the attraction has been there for a lot longer. If anyone has noticed any differences in Joel, it would be his own daughter and her friends. “Ok slick, what can I get you for dinner now that we got that out of the way?” You ask Jesse, playfully putting him under the spotlight.

“Um… I’ll have a cold sandwich. Thank you.” Smiling at the way his cheeks redden a little, you nod and tell them both that you won’t be too long with their food, and as you walk away, you hear Dina and Ellie laugh at Jesse's expense, with the young man laughing about it too. She has a good pair of friends right there, you can tell.

After gathering two glasses of water and bringing them out for Dina and Jesse, you went back to the kitchen and helped Melinda prepare their food. It was slow this evening, not many residents came in to eat so you could offer a hand in the kitchen to help get their food out quicker. Once everything was done and served up, Mel held the door open for you and even shared a smile with you at Ellie, Dina and Jesse giggling at each other. Images like this remind you of all the good that Jackson brings, three young adults who can live out their lives like they should be able to. The danger remains outside, not within these walls.

“Order up, guys.” Still smiling as you approach their table, Ellie’s laughter dies off as she brings you into their conversation to ask. “Y/N, settle something for us. Jesse is trying to convince us that there were people who used to walk around naked twenty years ago. Me and Dina call bullshit.”

“Nope, he’s telling the truth.” Giggling at their appalled expressions, you often forget about how much the young ones don’t know about the old world. Nudist communities aren't exactly at the top of the list for vital information to learn these days. “It’s called Nudism. People would go about their everyday activities, but just without clothes.”

“But why?” Ellie asks, to which Dina chimes in with her own questions. “Would they walk around the city nude? In front of thousands of people?”

Looking across the floor and seeing that you had no one else in your sections of tables, you leaned back on the table behind you and couldn’t believe you were about to explain nudism to Ellie and Dina, and maybe even Jesse. He looked intrigued to know just as much as the girls did. “No, I don’t think people who practised nudism would walk around big cities or small towns naked. It was a community of people who I think would meet up at discrete locations so they could hang out and just be free of their clothes.”

“I heard it was so they could have orgies.” Jesse speaks up, making Ellie and Dina groan and say ‘ew’.

“I mean, they might have.” You shrug, shaking your head. “I don’t really know. I’ve never met a nudist, but I heard and read about their practice, and from what I gathered, they are just regular people like me and you, who just like being nude. There are a whole list of reasons as to what it personally means to each individual, so I can’t answer it for them.”

“I might become a nudist.” Jesse smirks, leaning back in his chair, hoping for a reaction out of Dina and Ellie, which he got when both girls broke out into laughter, barely able to contain themselves. They plead with him, still laughing, but pleading that he never walk around Jackson nude.

Adults, but will forever be kids at heart. Shaking your head and laughing sweetly at their innocence, you enjoyed sharing this conversation and watching their reactions to learning about some of the things that used to happen in the world twenty years ago. When the door opens with a few more residents coming inside for something to eat, you excuse yourself to Ellie, Dina and Jesse then get back to work.

The evening quickly passes over as you keep yourself busy with the residents and occasionally stopping at Ellie’s table to chat, but once they left and said their goodbyes, you cleared up your last table and were ready to leave. Only thing left was to say goodnight to Melinda, however the direction you need to walk in is the same as hers. Lowell street is only a couple over from Mel's, you remember it because it’s one of those streets that are eerily quiet and it would surprise you if anyone stays there.

“Hey Mel, do you mind if I walk with you tonight? I’m seeing a friend a couple streets over from yours.” Lying has become a regular thing in your life, but if there is one person that you absolutely hate lying to more than anyone else, then it is Melinda. You wish you could tell her about the werewolves. You see her as an open minded woman, wise and understanding. A strong feeling inside of you guarantees that she would accept Tommy and Joel for who they are, but you made a promise to keep their secret, therefore you have to lie to her, even if you hate it.

“Of course, sweety. I would enjoy the company.” She preens. Grabbing her keys and waving goodbye to Tracy and Jack, you walk out together and close the door to the restaurant before locking up. The woman then turns to face you, holding her arm out for you to link, which you accept with a smile on your face.

Walking along the streets together, arm in arm, enjoying the peaceful silence of the night, you stop at Mel’s corner and unlink your arm to lean in for a hug. “Goodnight. I’ll see you tomorrow for work.”

“Don’t be out all night long, my child.” The woman laughs. Hugging you back with a gentle squeeze when suddenly you are struck with an overpowering ache in your head. The pain was that intense, it made you gasp and cling onto Melinda briefly as your knees buckled. “Y/N, what’s wrong?” She worries, pulling back to look at you but the pain vanishes. Like it wasn’t even there, it disappeared into thin air.

“I don’t know.” Struggling to find the words, you don’t even know how to explain to her what you just felt. “It’s like I had a sudden headache but it’s gone. It was just a couple of seconds.”

“Could be a thunderclap, I used to suffer with those, dear.” Melinda explains. Rubbing reassuring hands up your arms, her lips form into a warm smile as she continues to look into your eyes for any signs of pain. You could tell she is looking to see if you were playing it off like it was nothing, but you were being truthful. It came within seconds and disappeared just as quickly. Maybe it was a thunderclap headache. “I’m okay, I promise.” You reassure, easing her worries. “It just took me by surprise, I’ve never had one of those before.”

“Yeah, they ain’t nice at all.” She nods, and you agree. It wasn’t nice. Giving her another quick hug while promising for a second time that you were okay, you gave Mel a kiss on the cheek when pulling back and said goodbye. Instead of hurrying to meet Jake and make your sneaky escape out of Jackson just yet, you waited on the corner of Mel’s street and made sure she got home safe. Her house was the second one down thankfully and she even stood at the door to wave at you before heading inside.

Continuing your walk along the next two streets, you walked briskly until you saw the sign stating ‘Lowell’ and turned the corner to see a lonely looking house at the very end. It was adjacent to the wall of Jackson. You break out into a light jog and notice that all the houses you pass were empty. No one lives in this street, just like you suspected, and it was perfect considering no one would see you. Once you reached the house, you opened the gate that led to the backyard and made your way down the narrow path. You didn’t need to see the loose plank marked with an ‘X’ as Jake had already slid it to one side and was peeping through, waiting for you.

“Hey.” You jerk your chin outwards, greeting him. Slipping through the gap in the wall, he moves towards his horse with you and hands you the reins. “Take it easy out there and please be safe. I don’t want you to die.”

“I won’t die.” You retort with a curt laugh. Reaching out and laying a hand to his shoulder, you gently squeeze and reassure him. “I’ll be okay. I’m just going to surprise Joel, that’s all. I can’t exactly surprise him if he knows I’m coming, can I?”

Nodding, Jake releases the tension in his shoulders and sighs. “Okay, but still, stay safe out there, and take care of my horse too.”

“Of course.” You affirm. Dropping your hand and moving past Jake, you mount his horse with ease and thank him one more time for his help before commanding the horse to move. You don’t have the time to stand around and chat. It’s nearly ten pm and you have two hours to reach Joel before the clock strikes midnight when the full moon rises.

You need to reach Joel and Tommy before then.

Approaching the treeline as the cabin comes into view, your journey has been treacherous through the snow so far but you made it. You made it safely and you made it on time too, however you’re well aware that Joel and Tommy will worry with the sound of hoofbeats approaching and you call out for them. “If you can hear my voice, it’s just me out here and don’t panic. Everything is okay.”

Y/N, why are you here? Joel’s voice is the first to enter your mind, sounding agitated and distressed. I told you to stay in Jackson. Leave, it isn’t safe. Leave now - please!

The sound of pained groans urges you to command the horse to trot faster towards the stall around the back of the cabin. You need to see Joel, to tell him and Tommy about what you learned. They can control their shifts on a full moon. It’s possible, they have done it once before. After settling the horse inside the stall and closing the gate, you rushed to the cellar doors and opened them up. Instantly, you are struck with heat, sweat and the sounds of metal chains clanking together. Bracing yourself for what you’re about to see, you push aside your own emotions and head down into the darkness.

“Joel..” You breathe, a sound mixed with relief and sorrow. The man was drenched in sweat, blood dripping from multiple areas across his body. The chains were thick, and excessive, bounding him to the wall by his neck, arms, torso and legs, but that’s not all. The chains were wrapped with spiked silver, which was puncturing his skin. It was overkill. Why does he need to be chained up like this!

Gliding across the floor towards him, the veins in his neck protrude as he tries to push his head away from the wall. You lean up on the tips of your toes, laying your hands to his shoulders and closing the gap. “Joel.” You moan his name this time, not with pleasure, but with distraught. Kissing you back fervently, his chest rises and falls with each deep inhaling breath, his hands ball into fists as he yanks on the chains, wanting to hold you desperately. Eyes springing open and glowing red, he breaks the kiss and throws his head back with a gurgling grumble. “Y/N, leave. You need to leave.”

“I’m not leaving. I came all this way because you and Tommy can control your shifts.” You explain, then look around the room for Tommy, your heart breaking for a second time when your eyes land on him in a dark corner. He was unconscious. Shackles around his wrists, neck and ankles, he too was chained to the wall, but he didn’t have spiked silver around the chains. “What’s wrong with him, is he okay?” Immediately worrying for his safety, your attention is torn back to Joel as he growls and yanks on the chains.

Fire blazing eyes burning out of control, the sweat rolls down Joel’s body as he stares right through you. It’s like he wasn’t even there - something else was trying to take over. “You need to leave.” He grunts. Eyes rolling into the back of his head and his arms thrash against the chains. “I can smell Jake on your darlin’. You need to leave… I can smell Jake and it’s making me angry.”

“Jake helped me.” Shaking your head, you step closer and reach out for Joel to explain. “I wouldn’t be here right now to help you through this if he didn’t help me sneak out of Jackson.”

“I’m gonna…” Joel leans forward, pressing his damp covered forehead to yours as he breathes a struggling breath across your face. “I’m gonna kill him, baby. I told him not to go near you, I’ll kill him for letting you come out here. You don’t understand, Y/N. It’s not the same on a full moon, I’m not the same… I’m a monster.”

“Joel, you’re not a monster, don’t say that. I’m only here to help you. It’s okay baby, you won’t hurt me-” Cut off by the sounds of his throaty cries, it shook you to the core to hear him in so much pain. You never thought you’d hear Joel yell out like this, it was frightening, spine-chilling. Tears welling up in the corners of your eyes as your mouth falls open with terror, he throws his head back again and roars. It was so powerful, you stumble backwards and hold two hands over your ears, shielding them from the vibrations.

Tommy said that Joel can hurt you if he roars loud enough and that’s all you could think about as you ride it out. Once he stopped, you looked up and didn’t recognise Joel’s eyes. They were dark, cold, blood red. You watch as his chest expands, fur growing so rapidly that it bulges out from his shirt, yet he still looks at you with merciless eyes. Opening your mouth to call his name, he cuts you off with a deep vibrating growl, effectively snatching your ability to speak, however both your attentions were drawn to the sound of a bolt dropping on the floor.

Suddenly Joel’s eyes fill with fear, his breathing quickens as if he was panicked while he watches the bolt bounces towards your feet. The silence was palpable between you both. Joel staring at the bolt like it was your doom, the man tears his gaze away to look you in the eye, managing to spill one word past his lips. “Run.”

Voice laced with warning, not only was the man who promised he would never hurt you telling you to run, but your intuition was screaming the same thing. Scrambling to your feet, Joel’s rapid breaths is replaced with heavy grunts and you turn swiftly to run back up the cellar steps, immediately breaking out into a sprint as soon as your shoes meet the snowy ground up above. Just hearing the pained roars of him transforming into a wolf drove you to run faster and when you reached the treeline, you heard the audible sound of chains breaking free with a begging command entering your mind. Keep going and don’t stop.

Heeding Joel’s warnings, you didn’t stop and kept running through the trees. Fear should be the only thing you feel for him right now, but you don’t. You still believe you can help. Joel’s in the middle of transitioning and he is talking to you telepathically, telling you to run. That has to mean something. The fact that he has that little control to warn you means something. “Joel.” You call for him between heavy panting breaths. “Joel, you can control it, I know you can. You’ve done it once before.”

You don’t understand, Y/N… It can smell you and I can’t control what it wants.

It? Why would he refer to himself as it? What does he mean! Thoughts running loose, you pick up your pace when hearing Joel roar once again, only this time the moon above emerges from the clouds and shines bright. Round and full, it gleams down over you, as if it was shining a light on the wolf's dinner. Joel won’t eat me! He won’t! You reason with yourself, that thought is absurd. With only the sounds of your own beating heart and thundering footsteps hitting the ground, you were certain that Joel managed to fight back the primal urge to shift and slowed down to rest.

Leaning against a thick tree stump trying to steady your breathing, your chest burned and you could even taste a little blood. The cold is affecting you, it’s physically hurting your lungs. You need to find someplace safe and warm. The ski-lodge. Moving away from the tree with that thought, you know it isn’t too far away from the cabin and continue running through the forest, however the sound of a branch snapping over your shoulder brings you to a stop. You know you shouldn’t, but you turn around to locate the noise and see what caused it, and as soon as you do, you immediately start running again.

Two glowing red eyes locked onto you between the trees, eyes that belong to something you don’t recognise. Several times now you have seen Joel in wolf form, even watched the man transition, but not once have you seen him stand on his hind legs, peering around the stump of a tree, as if he was hiding, hunting. Joel isn’t in wolf form, he’s something else, it’s something different - monstrous.

Running through the forest with a beating heart ready to jump out of your chest, you run like your life depends on it. You should be in Jackson right now, should be far away from Joel Miller on the night of a full moon just like he warned you, but you couldn’t help your curiosity to know what he goes through. You only wanted to help, only help him through this night of pain and make it easier for him, but instead, you let the beast inside of him catch your scent and he broke free from the chains.

The werewolf on a full moon isn’t the werewolf you’ve seen in Joel before. It’s different… he’s different. You should have stayed home and listened to Joel’s warnings because now, a monster hunts you with an insatiable hunger, impossible to be satisfied until it gets what it wants. You - the monster in Joel wants you. That’s what he meant when he said ‘I can’t control what it wants’.

Pushing on through the forest, your legs aching as you desperately try to find the ski-lodge, you notice an obstruction up ahead and follow while the beast behind you continues his hunt. You know Joel’s inside there somewhere and you hold onto his promise. You won’t hurt me. You say in your mind, hoping it could break through to him. I trust you, Joel , I know you won’t hurt me.

Breaking through the tree line as he growls, you dart across the open land in front of the ski-lodge and rush inside the entrance, fully prepared to come face to face with him. Joel is hot on your heels and picking up speed, he could have captured you long before now, but the very fact that he hasn’t tells you that he has some control. It may only be a small amount, but he does have some control over the monster that took over. You know he does.

Halting your escape and standing in the middle floor of the ski-lodge, between the old wooden tables with parasols, you wait and prepare as Joel closes in. You didn’t turn around to see, but you could hear and feel him entering the ski-lodge. The vibrations beneath your feet grew closer as did his huffing breaths. You focused on it, on the man you know that is inside and held no fear. You should be fearful, anyone in their right frame of mind would be terrified of the monster that approaches, but you aren’t.

Startled by his heavy footfalls landing right behind you with an audible thump, the breath bellowing across your body came down from above. Joel is towering over you right now, you can tell. Eyes remaining open, still with no fear, you look ahead and fight the urge to turn around and look at him. The best thing to do is stay still, part of Joel is an animal right now and you don’t want to alarm him with any sudden movements. I’m not afraid of you. You say, reminding him of his promise. I know you won’t hurt me, so I’m not afraid.

Closing your eyes when feeling a cold wet snout pressed to the back of your neck, you tilt your head to the side, almost inviting him in to take a deep inhale of your scent, however he pulls away suddenly and you open your eyes. Black fur enters your vision on the right side, and there's a lot of it too, as the monster moves around to stand before you - showing you its face. Your mouth falls open with a soundless gasp as you look up.

Standing stall at an incredible height, he hunched over to look down at you, but that wasn’t the most shocking thing. It wasn’t the face of the regular wolf you’ve seen many times, it was different, more human like. Eyes still glowing blood red, the furry skin around his eyes crinkles expressively, and his nose was shorter, not long like a snout. His ears were pointy, and instead of being at the top of his head, they were at the side, where Joel’s human ears would be, and his hair was most bizarre. It was Joel’s human hair fading into fur. Grey strands laying over his forehead, his face maintained human like features, though he was still something otherworldly to look at. His teeth weren’t normal, he had four long canines, two on the top row of teeth and another two on the bottom row of teeth, and they were razor sharp too.

“Joel?” You whisper his name, taking a gamble if he could hear you or not. He hasn’t spoken a telepathic word since saying ‘it can smell you’, and the only response you got now was sharp huff and his eyes lowering between you both. Lowering your eyes as well, you make a surprised sound when finally seeing other parts of his body. You could see the veins in his neck, the skin was thin like a human would be and although it was dark and hairy, it wasn’t thick fur like a wolf. He actually had a chest, you could see his pecs and the muscles in his biceps, however his hands were large with long fingers and talons for nails. They, too, were razor sharp.

Gaze lowering further as you see something move in the corner of your eyes, you stiffen with astonishment when realising the thing that moved was his manhood. That’s what he was looking at, he was watching his cock grow and it was just as monstrous as he was. It had the similar features as a human cock, but not completely. The head was round and bulbous, pointed at the tip with creamy white droplets of pre-cum dribbling down the side of his pink length, which was about the side of your arm, however the girth was… painful just to look at, making your legs squeeze together, and the most peculiar thing above everything else is that it looked like he had two sets of balls. A sizable pink bulb at the base of his cock, with two heavy furred balls beneath that. It may resemble some human-like features, but the monster's cock was supernatural in every way.

Gasping with surprise when his hand reaches around to hold his length, you look up to be met with his eyes closed and a low growling breath fanning across your face. A whine escapes his lips and you freeze with disbelief. Is this what it wanted? Is that what Joel meant when he said he can’t control what it wants? Asking yourself these questions in your head, he opens his eyes to look at you and takes a step closer, however you take a step back and it causes him to release the grip on his cock and reach out for you instead.

Two clawed hands wrap around your waist and lift you off the floor with ease, feeling as light as a feather in his grasp. You held onto his forearms as he continued to lift you higher, the action making you panic. “Joel.” Whimpering his name, you look down with confusion in your eyes as he buries his nose between your legs. The pressure lands on your most sensitive area and you moan unintentionally. “J-Joel… W-what are you doing?” You ask, wondering if you should start being afraid.

Eyes widening when he hooks his top two canines inside the waistband on your jeans, your mouth falls open but no words roll off your tongue as you watch him tear the fabric effortlessly. Your jeans and panties were torn right down the middle, exposing your sex completely in the most revealing position. Fear is what you should feel, what any right minded person would feel, but right now, your body betrays you as he is met with the sight of your glistening folds. You’re wet - so fucking wet. Somewhere at some point, you were aroused and the werewolf knew it. He could smell it.

Looking in your eyes as he closes the gap teasingly slow, you shudder when his face meets your cunt and his tongue delves into your slit, causing your back to arch with a mewl slipping past your lips. You couldn’t control your reactions, your body betrays you for a second time as it just feel so fucking good. Tongue warm and wet, it was a large appendage, licking up and down your pussy before stopping at your quivering hole that was gushing with desire.

Joel - or the monster - slurps your juices like it was a beverage before slipping his tongue inside. The breach felt the same as a cock and your legs part, granting him easier access. You couldn’t stop him, you wanted this and moaned when his tongue slid inside of you, twisting and caressing your velvety walls. Your hands reach out and land on his, wrapping around his long fingers with a tight grip to balance yourself as the pleasure was intense. He was fucking you with his tongue, burying his face between your legs and using his nose to stimulate your clit as he shakes his head side to side.

“Fuck-Joel!” You whine. Legs slowly clamping together as your climax approaches, he lowers one hand from your waist and wraps it around your thigh, bending your leg at the knee to pry them apart for him, which only gives him more room to bury his tongue deeper. “Oh my fucking God.” Tossing your head back, your vision blurs as you stare at the ceiling in bliss. He was twisting his tongue so deep inside of you, it’s an excessive amount of pleasure you’ve never felt before. Your desire literally drools out of you, coating his nose, mouth and chin, even your leg. You could feel it running down your inner thigh.

Unexpectedly fighting for a breath of air, it was snatched from your lungs as your orgasm reached its peak. Your legs wriggle against his grip with the stimulation. White static covers your vision as you writhe and moan a string of broken incoherent sounds, and when he growls, the vibrations send you into overdrive. Pleasure ripples across your body, bringing with it a fiery heat spreading across your chest, burning your skin with lust. Your eyes close with a pleading mewl. “Joel.. t-too much, it’s s-sensitive.”

You cried for mercy, but to no avail. If Joel even wanted to stop, he couldn’t as the monster continued tongue fucking your cunt, overstimulating your little bundle of nerves. The clawed hands around your waist squeeze you to stay still and take his pleasurable punishment. Small whines and whimpers bubble up from your throat before you scream with the sudden rush of liquid shooting out of your cunt, completely drenching his face. Now, he finally slowly comes to halt, as if getting you to squirt was the goal.

Removing his tongue, you gasp from the loss and already start to miss it before he slowly drags it up your folds, licking you clean. You look down to see that he was still looking at you, red eyes stuck to your face like he enjoys watching you unfold. The wolf smirks while experimentally slipping his tongue inside again, the action making your eyes close and arch your back again, but before you could prepare for another round of his oral punishment, he removes his tongue once again and lowers your feet to the floor.

Your legs buckle instantly and he holds on while laying you down on the floor. Bending your knees and closing your legs together, you run a hand down your body and stop just between your legs, feeling your cunt and how it throbs for more. Gasping, you lift your head as the werewolf places two hands on your knees, pulling them apart to thrust his cock through your folds. He was lubing himself up, using your desire to coat his length, already knowing that the stretch was going to be tight. His size was phenomenal, too big for you to handle.

Holding the back of your thighs to bend your knees to your chest, he positions the large pointed tip of his cock to your weeping entrance, but before he could roll his his forward, you dart your hand out to his stomach and stop him. “Joel… j-just take it easy on me baby.”

Grimacing when the monster takes over and inserts the tip inside, the first breach feels like Joel’s length. It was manageable, pleasurable, though that was just the head of his cock, there was so much more to come. As the werewolf groans deeply, pushing inside a little deeper before pulling back, he pauses before moving any further, the hesitation making you search his eyes for Joel. You know that’s him doing that.

You lean up on your elbow, reaching out to palm a hand across the side of his face with a breathy sigh of his name. The skin around his eyes crinkles, as if he were narrowing his eyes, like Joel was coming through. Tilting his head back a little and emitting a soft howl, you smile at the sound and pull on his neck to bring him closer. You wanted to press your forehead to his, however the action caused his length to push inside. “Holy shit, holy shit!” Panting through the pain, his girth was stretching you open like nothing you’ve ever felt before. It was only inserted halfway, yet you felt so fucking full of his cock. It was too much and not enough at the same time.

Gently pulling back, leaving only the tip inside, you know Joel is slowly regaining control as the pace remains careful. He was inching deeper and deeper with each thrust until finally, he was buried to the hilt, almost breaching your cervix. Holding himself there for a few seconds as you pulse around him, he puffs heavy breaths across your face, the monster eager to move, but Joel holding back, helping you adjust. “I see you baby.” You moan with another smile, nodding for him to move. “It’s okay, Joel. I’m oka-ohh fuck!”

Pushing deep, that bulb presses against your entrance before he pulls back with a whine. You hold onto his biceps, the breath caught in your throat as he snaps his hips forward, setting a slow and deep pace that fills you up each time he buries himself inside. A string of grunts come from Joel as your whimpers build louder and louder. The sting has long subsided now and only pleasure remains. It felt good - so fucking good to be filled with his monstrous cock.

“Holy fuck!” You gasp when two clawed hands dig into the flesh of your thighs, almost breaking the skin as he drives his hips forward, groaning loudly with that bulb hitting your entrance. Trying to ease it inside, you’re not even sure it’s going to fit, but he seems adamant to try. You can feel yourself adjusting, opening up to make it fit. He pulls back with a sharp inhale and you toss your head back with a mewl as he surges forward, pushing deeper and deeper until it pops inside. The werewolf howls loud in tandem with his warmth exploding inside, sending you over the edge into the pools of ecstasy. “Joel, I’m coming!” You scream to the high heavens above.

Gripping his arms and digging your nails into his skin as the moans erupt from your throat, you can feel his cock literally twitching inside of you as he spills hot ropes of his seed into your womb. That alone was enough to make you climax together, however he wasn't finished. Grinding into you, spilling more and more of his cum, there was so much of it, too much of it in fact as it was oozing out of your pulsing cunt, leaving a creamy white puddle between your legs.

You breathe through your high, slowly coming down from the other dimension you floated towards as his cock softens inside of you. Gradually, your focus comes back and the first thing you notice is the werewolf shrinking. Joel is transitioning. He’s becoming human again. Pain filled groans bellow above as his fingers scrape along the floor beneath you. Bones snap, causing him to fall down on top of you, heaving heavy breaths of air and skin slowly re-appears. Human skin. His summer tanned back, body flush with sweat that stuck to yours, Joel had transitioned, even though there are hours left of the full moon.

“Baby? Are you okay, talk to me.” Holding a hand to the back of his head, you thread your fingers through his damp hair, rubbing his scalp reassuringly. Joel’s breathing steadied before he pulls his head back from your neck and looks at you with the red fading from his eyes as the hazel brown takes over. “Y/N…” He croaks, voice laden with exhaustion and fatigue. Closing the gap, you kiss him on the lips like it was the very first time again. Fervently, passionate and needy.

“Thank you.” Sighing heavily into your mouth, he repeats those two words over and over again while peppering kisses all over your face. Joel holds a hand to the side of your face, brushing his thumb across your bottom lip and shakes his head. “You were right Y/N. You helped me and Tommy control our shift on the last full moon, and you did it again tonight with me. Something is…”

Something is different about you…

The Next Day

Waking up in a soft bed, wrapped up in Joel’s arms, you brush your fingers across his jawline softly, careful to not wake him up just yet. You fell asleep last night in the middle of him saying something to you, exhaustion had caught up with you too after experiencing sex with a monster. It took a lot out of you.

However, you don’t view Joel as a monster, not even on a full moon when he transitions into something different. You knew he was capable of controlling it, he just needed something to help him focus on the human side and maybe that was you. It could have been you or the attraction he feels for you, or even the promise he made, but whatever it was, it helped Joel take control. You made the right choice to head out here and help him… but where is here? You wonder while looking around the room.

Not recognising the room you were in, it wasn’t the cabin, the walls had different décor. Lifting your head from the pillow and following the beam of light, you were surprised to see the main street of Jackson through the blinds. I’m home? How did I get back here? Wondering silently, the next question you ask yourself is about the time. You have work today, you should really be getting in a shower and meeting Mel at the restaurant.

Prying yourself out of Joel’s hold, he lay dead to the world in a deep state of sleep and didn’t even bat an eyelid when you climbed out of the bed. He’s just as exhausted as you, and he must have brought you home last night. Gosh, I hope Tommy and the horse are okay… I’m sure Joel brought them back too.

You walk across the room and towards the bathroom with those thoughts, passing framed pictures along the way; pictures of Joel and his family. This is Joel’s house, he brought you back to his home.

Entering the bathroom and turning the shower on, you climb inside and relish in the warm water soaking into your body. The ache evaporates from your muscles, however there was a lasting ache between your legs - a good ache, reminding you of the peculiar night you had with Joel. Knowing that he wouldn’t mind you using his shower, you reach down for the bar of soap to wash your body, but are startled when two arms circle your waist. “Jesus!” You jolt, standing up straight with a giggle.

“Sorry darlin’.” Joel apologises then lays a few kisses along your shoulder. Taking the soap from your hands, he runs the bar across your stomach and breasts, lathering up a good amount of your skin before using his hands to rub it in. Moaning, you rest your head back to his shoulder as the spray of the shower runs down on your body like rainfall, washing away the bubbles. “Are you okay, Y/N?” He asks, sounding concerned and remorseful as his lip trembles. “Last night, I didn’t… didn’t h-”

“No, absolutely not - don’t think for a second that you hurt me.” Opening your eyes and gazing into his with a serious look on your face, you meant every word of that statement. It’s the truth. “I know when I first laid my eyes on you in the forest, you weren’t going to hurt me Joel, that’s why I stopped running when I reached the ski-lodge.”

“But how, Y/N? How did you know that…” Joel gulps and closes his eyes to relieve the sting. “How did you know that I wouldn’t hurt you darlin’, when I didn’t even kno-” He chokes on his own words, barely able to finish his sentence as he holds you tight. “I didn’t know if I could control it.”

“Don’t ask me how I knew.” Shrugging, you shake your head at the man not knowing how to answer him. It’s just as simple as belief. You knew Joel would be able to control himself because you believed he could. “I just knew you would, handsome. I knew you’d find a way to break through.”

“I didn’t find a way though, doll. You did - it was all you.” Placing a thumb and forefinger to your chin, he holds you gently while looking into your eyes with a mixture of confusion and wonder. “Don’t you remember what I said last night? Something is different about you. Y/N… I shouldn’t have been able to control my shift, I’ve never been able to control it for the last twenty years.”

“Joel.” You laugh nervously, furrowing your brows. “W-what are you saying exactly? I don’t understand.” The long pause he took fills your mind with worry. You, just like him, were confused. It’s like he was hesitant to say what he really thinks and the longer he took to answer you, the more your patience grows thin. “Joel, what is it baby? What’s wrong?”

“Y/N.” Joel gulps as he searches your eyes for answers. “The only thing that can control my shift is the moon - and you have controlled it twice now darlin’.”

What?... What the hell does that mean?

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Werewolf Joel Miller: @kirsteng42 @marydjarin @extraneous-trip @dins-cyare @supernaturalgirl20 @supernaturalgirl @joelsflannel @luvmeijii @hb8301 @squidwell @hb8301 @superawesomegeek @trickstersp8 @scorpio-marionette @formulafun

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troubatrain · 4 years ago

Text

want you to want me - m. tkachuk

a/n: i’m awful at intros but this fic is my whole ass child. i started it months ago and i picked it up back and then i just couldn’t stop writing. now we’re at a whopping 10k words and i’m really happy with the way this one came out. i hope you guys like it as much as i loved writing it.

big thanks to @hookingminor @igor-shestyorkin & @tkafuckit for reading this as i wrote it and gassing me up ily all sm

warnings: smut

You were Matthew’s dream girl, and you didn’t have a fucking clue. You were leaning against the cold metal bleachers of your former high school, chatting with whatever teacher probably wanted to hear all about that shiny NWSL contract you signed right out of college with the Chicago Red Stars. It was well deserved, a few national titles in college put you in the position in the first place, and Matthew respected the hell out of you. You wouldn’t know, by the way he never seems like he actually wants to speak to you and the few snide remarks about your sport in general. That started forever ago, when Matthew royally fucked up any chance he had with you later in life because he was a competitive asshole.

It started when you were twelve, and middle school was nothing short of a mess. Matthew was growing into his own, adding a near foot to his height over one summer while his father and coaches doted on the fact that he was getting bigger. Getting bigger meant getting better, and for a few years winning was the most important thing in the world. But, becoming a hormonal preteen came with something else, feelings about the girl who sat three rows behind him in almost all of his classes.

Then third period gym class came around, and Matthew was a competitive monster. The kind of kid who took that way too seriously, and you accidentally became public enemy number one. You were the only person in his class who could even come close to beating him at anything, because you were just as much of an athlete as he was. Soccer had become your craft, and much like Matthew, you declared you’d go pro one day. So, Matthew did what any other insecure twelve year old boy would, he teased you relentlessly. It was awful, but by the time Matthew had gone off to play for the National team you had forgotten about his bullshit.

Apparently, you’d done something in a past life to warrant dealing with Matthew for longer than you ever anticipated. Jamie was your little sister, and Taryn’s best friend. Best friend was probably understatement, the pair were inseparable on and off the field. They trained together, they played on the same teams and that meant way too much time with the rest of the Tkachuk’s. You learned quickly, that the rest of their family was wonderful and Matthew seemed to be too thick headed to fall in line.

You tolerated Matthew, brushing his silly remarks off just like you did when you were younger. The thing was, Matthew didn’t want you to just tolerate him, but he didn’t know how to get you to stop hating him. You make your way over to Matthew who’d been standing next to his brother since the start of your sister’s game.

“Hi Brady,” You greet, tapping Brady on the shoulder who pulled you into a bone crushing hug. That annoyed Matthew the most, the way you seemed to love his siblings and despise him. In your defense, nobody was more supportive of your professional career than Brady, who’d made a promise to catch a game the second he could, “Hi Matthew.”

You were waiting for something from Matthew, an acknowledgement for finally achieving a dream of yours. You’d gotten the congratulations from the rest of his family, a massive celebration because Keith thought you deserved it. Matthew probably didn’t think you did. You could practically hear his smug little voice about how much his recently inked contract was compared to yours, because you’d heard it since you were kids. He used to rip on your athletic abilities every chance he could, something about how it didn’t matter how hard you could kick a ball you couldn’t hold a hockey stick so he was just better.

“You’re here!” You hear the chipper voice of your little sister approach, Jamie’s sweaty postgame arms wrapped around your waist. You’d been in Chicago, signing some paperwork and looking into finding a place to stay when you had to go for camp. You promised you’d make it back in time, and your flight landed less than five hours ago but you made it.

Matthew bit the inside of his cheek to keep his smile to himself, watching his own sister push past him to see you. Taryn loved you, because sometimes she just needed a big sister and her brothers were in another country most

of the time. It was the part that killed him the most, seeing you with his family. You fit right in, a fierce athlete with drive that rivaled his own. Brady side-eyed his own brother, watching him instead of the scene unfolding in front of him. He was frustrated with his own brother for not just telling you the truth, that he teased you because he was an idiot who didn’t know how to handle having a crush on you.

But Brady was going to do it himself if his brother didn’t.

***

Matt, you don’t have a girlfriend right?

Matthew knew damn well he should not have answered his sister’s question, but when he realized her best friend had been sitting right next to her in the kitchen, his curiosity got the best of him. So he did, telling his sister he was single and sparing her details of any of the girls he’d gone on dates with the past year. That was his life is Calgary, a constant revolving door so no one would see what was underneath layers of sarcasm and angst. But every summer, he’d come home and wonder when he’d start to build a life for himself, and if he’d ever find that person to do it with. That was when his brain would start to wander, fantasies of a future that always seemed to involve you. He loved to imagine it, the years that you’d both spend supporting the other’s dream. Matthew would do anything to make sure you achieved yours, and he thought you’d do the same. Then you’d both settle down, the big house with the white picket fence and a shiny ring on your finger Matthew put there himself and years of arguing about what sport your future children would play - he’d even consider letting you have just one.

Unfortunately, none of that could be real until he figured out how to get you to hate him less. Taryn apparently had the same idea, and had been scheming with your sister for months. The two girls were looking at Matthew with devilish grins on their faces, like whatever they came up with would totally work.

“Y/N doesn’t have a boyfriend,” Your sister hums, sipping the smoothie they forced Matthew to drive them to go get, “It’s sad actually-”

“We think you should date,” Taryn explains, Matthew’s eyes went wide. His sister didn’t know the whole story, or just how far back this stupid fued went. Taryn always loved you, so Matthew just kept his remarks to himself.

“I know you know Y/N doesn’t like me very much,” Matthew explains, “So tell me how that’s going to work.”

“Apologize to her, if she can forgive me for anything she’ll forgive you,” Jamie sighs, thinking of all the times you’d shown her mercy when she didn’t deserve it.

“You’ve got to be sorry,” Brady interrupts, mouth full of food while he goes to go look for more in the fridge. He turns around, Matthew’s eyes giving him daggers, “What? You were a dick to her for years, you’ve got to fix that first.”

It didn’t take much convincing after that, Taryn had already planned out what Matthew should say to you. Matthew wasn’t going to repeat those words, because he knew exactly what he’d say to you if he ever got the chance. He was trying to fix his past, because the way he acted towards you was the one thing he regrets.

So with the help of your little sister and the Find my Friends app, Matthew was pulling up to a soccer field he’d been to plenty of times. He used to run through the park nearby, catching a glimpse of your practices when you were in high school and Matthew was an afterthought. He hops out of his car, smiling when he could see you running drills alone. You were dribbling the ball, counting to yourself while you were weaving through cones you set up.

“I’ve never been good at those,” Matthew calls out, walking over to you while you stopped and caught your breath, “I kick the cones with my skate every single time.”

“Maybe you’re not as good as you think you are,” You tease, grabbing your water and guzzling it down, “What are you doing here?”

“I, uh, I came to apologize?” Matthew admits, knowing his face was probably bright red. He was nervous, the good kind like he got before a big game, “I was just an insecure kid then, and you didn’t deserve what I did just because I was afraid you’d beat in something.”

Matthew left out the part where he felt like he was still that kid all the time. All of those insecurities about himself seemed to be picked up by every reporter in Canada when he was there. You bit your lip, pretending like you were trying to debate whether or not you should forgive Matthew at all. In reality, you would have forgiven him ages ago if he’d just apologized sooner. It was so long ago, and sometimes you thought Matthew’s constant taunting made you better. He was pleading, baby blue eyes staring at you sadly while he waited for your answer. He looked like he didn’t think he deserved to be forgiven, shoulders slumped while he tried to read your body language. It was something you noticed about Matthew forever ago, he could have everything in the world but when he looked at you he seemed almost sad.

“I mean I could forgive you, but only if you beat me,” You cross your arms, raising an eyebrow at Matthew, “If I win, I don’t have to and if you win all is forgiven.”

“Really? Isn’t that why we were in this situation to begin with?” Matthew points out, crossing his arms at you.

“I thought you weren’t that kid anymore,” You remind of his own words, testing him to see if he’d put his money where his mouth was. Matthew smirks, chuckling to himself, “C’mon Tkachuk let’s see what you got.”

Matthew shook his head, laughing and lining up next to you. You both counted to three, sprinting down the field at full force. Matthew knew his height was the only thing working to his advantage while he tried to keep up with you. You were nearing your finish line, and Matthew didn’t think he was going to win. You were going to forgive him regardless, but Matthew didn’t know that. His arms stretched out, grabbing your waist and pulling you into his chest. Matthew turned his body around, stepping over the line before you did.

“God, you’re such a fucking cheater Matthew,” You hit his chest, Matthew’s hands still firmly placed on your hips.

“I didn’t want to lose,” Matthew admits, all of his smug attitude diminishing immediately, “Just want you to forgive me.”

“I’ll forgive you if you never pull that shit on me again,” You poke his chest, slipping out of his grip and running to your stuff before he could notice how nervous he was making you.

No. Absolutely not. You told yourself while you checked your phone, rolling your eyes at the warning text from Jamie that Matthew was on his way, you couldn’t have anything but indifference to Matthew Tkachuk. It got harder everytime you saw him, the past few years had been nothing short of kind to him, he was growing from a dumb immature boy to a man more and more every summer. You turn around, peeking at Matthew who was sitting down and catching his breath, a winning smile on his face, the same kind he had the very first time he schooled everyone at floor hockey in middle school.

Maybe you could be friends.

***

Matthew liked having you as a friend, mostly because as of right now that was all he was going to get. You definitely didn’t trust him, which was valid considering Matthew had been a dick to you for years, but he was working on it. He had to, that uncontrollable feeling that he cared about you was getting harder to shove back down with every year that passed.

“You’re friends now, you don’t need to stare at her like a creep anymore,” Brady scoffs, watching his brother gawk at you from afar. Matthew couldn’t help it, you just had a glow about you, you always did, but somehow in the summer you were golden. Tonight you looked even better, maybe it’s because you smiled at him when he walked instead of scowling like you usually did.

“He’s in love with you,” Steph giggles, sipping her drink and giving Matthew a side eye, “He’s been staring at you all night.”

“He apologized to me,” You confess, holding in that little secret about Matthew’s visit to the field even from your best friend. You had the same friends, the same group of people who’d been pushing the two of you to work it out for years. It wasn’t that you didn’t want them to know that they no longer had to worry about one of you blowing up because the other was there, you just wanted everyone to let it go too. Matthew deserved a little forgiveness, you could only imagine the pressure he felt on himself back then, and while he didn’t totally deserve your protection - you were going to give it to him, “Don’t-”

“Oh wonder why, I know it’s because he looooves you,” Steph teases, “Did you forgive him?”

“Yeah I mean we’re both older and I’d like to think he’s wiser, and besides our parents are way too close,” You knew this was going to be your excuse for a while. It was better for everyone that you forgave him, Jamie and Taryn spent more time together than you’d spend with anyone and you're just as close with the rest of their family. It wasn’t untrue that it was in fact for the best, but that didn’t mean Matthew’s stupid dimples didn’t persuade you before you could think about anyone else, “Can we stop talking about this?”

Matthew’s eyes didn’t leave you once that night, especially after the way Steph downed tequila shots and convinced you to join her. You deserved to celebrate, you’d accomplished something Matthew knew was your biggest dream because it was the same as his. He was proud of you, not that he’d gotten a chance to show it.

“If you’re going to go pro Y/N, you’ve got to start keeping up,” Brady chirps, watching you stumble over your own feet to walk over to him and Matthew. Matthew had seen this once before, a level of drunkenness where you turned into bambi but that was so long ago he never thought he’d see it again.

“I’ll go pro in beating your ass Brady,” You snap back, shooting daggers over Brady who was already cracking up, “Hi Matthew.”

“Hi,” Matthew’s voice was small, a weird sound considering he was usually the loudest in the room. Brady scoffs, walking away from the two of you before he snaps at how hopelessly in love his brother was. You turn your head in confusion, your mind far too hazy to realize why Brady was so annoyed in the first place, causing Matthew to chuckle, “Want to play? Might be best if we’re on the same team.”

Matthew’s thumb shot over to the beer pong set up on the other side of the room, a mischievous smirk on face, “I mean if it’s for the best.”

Matthew’s arm wrapped around your shoulders holding you close to his chest while you both played pong was definitely not for the best, and it wasn’t helping that stupid crush you had on him. You could feel Steph’s stare from the corner of the room, and you look at her to mouth a don’t at her. It was nice having Matthew on your team, finally a moment where instead of arguing with each other about who’s elbow was clearly over the table - you got to do the same thing to Brady.

“Brady you’re cheating,” You call out, Matthew’s head thrown back in laughter at your seriousness.

“You heard her Brady, elbows over the table,” Matthew breathes out, his body still rumbling with laughter at his little brother’s expense.

“Oh look at you two, you’re just gonna raise some winners one day aren’t you?” Brady chirps back, both happy to see you getting along and annoyed once he realizes that means he was going to get roasted by both of you now. You felt heat rush to your cheeks, tucking your face into Matthew’s arm in hopes no one saw the way you shrunk at that stupid joke.

“We’re winners right now,” Matthew calls out, his last ball landing in the cup and sealing the game for the two of you. Matthew would raise winners with you, it was something he thought about from time to time, but those thoughts were never going to see the light of day, “Alright drunky I think it’s time to get you home.”

“You can stay, I’ll just catch a ride with someone,” You waive Matthew off, who shook his head no at you before you even started speaking.

“One, my dad would kick my ass if he knew I left you,” Matthew starts with, holding up one finger with another on the way, “Two, we’re friends now and I’d like to make sure you don’t die before you see a pro game.”

Matthew had seen you this drunk before, but what he didn’t know was that getting you home would be more difficult than he thought. You started in the direction of your house, but apparently you were a runner and a speedy one at that. Now you were barely two blocks away from Matthew’s parents place and if he could at least get you there he’d be able to call it a night - which wasn’t fucking easy.

“Alright I’ve had enough,” Matthew huffs, jogging to catch up with you and scooping you into his arms. You were hanging over his shoulder, Matthew making his way down the street with the house in his sightline. You could have cared less, laughing your ass off while Matthew walked up the stairs and finally placed you back down on your feet, “Be quiet, go up to my room and get some clothes and go sleep in the guest room.”

You weren’t quiet, not at all and Matthew was amazed not one of his parents came down to see what all the chaos was about. After Matthew had to walk you up the stairs, running back down for some water and hoping you weren’t a disaster by the time he got back - he found you in his bed. You were curled up right in the middle, an old London Knights shirt on your body, Matthew’s favorite. Matthew grabs his comforter, throwing it over your body. He sighs, leaning against his door frame and smiling to himself at how comfortable you looked, flicking off the light and retreating to the guest room.

Matthew hated the guest room. He hated how hard the mattress was and after a few hours of no sleep and tossing and turning - he gave up. Matthew hoped no one else was up, but not to his surprise his mother was already in the kitchen, and judging by the look on her face, she knew who was upstairs.

“Care to explain?” Chantal smirks, raising her eyebrows at her son. Matthew’s face got red, his landing on the back of his neck to cover the blush.

“She fell asleep before I could even get her to the guest room,” Matthew shrugs, hoping his mom wouldn’t push it any further, “I, uh, apologized the other day.”

“Good,” Chantal hums, a knowing look on her face. She didn’t like to push Matthew, her one kid who seemed to be a little rougher around the edges than the others, but that silly feud never sat right with her, “Here, bring her a coffee, I’m sure she needs it.”

Matthew nods, grabbing the mug his mother was holding out and starting to make his way up the stairs. He heard the tell her you made it from his mother and shook his head. He knew what she was thinking, especially with the way Chantal seemed to talk about you. His mother thought you were nothing short of perfect, and Matthew would be a liar if he didn’t think the same thing.

“Did I fall asleep here?” You’d woken up confused, your question only answered by the jerseys hanging on the walls, you were in Matthew’s room. You rub your eyes, the door creaking open way too loudly for how dead you felt.

“Only after you almost fell down the stairs and ran three blocks in the wrong direction,” Matthew chuckles, sitting on the edge of the bed and handing you the mug, “You know you’re fast right?”

“Yeah,” You muse, smirking to yourself and taking a sip of coffee, “I’m sorry I did that to you, and stole your bed - I can go.”

Matthew stopped you, telling to finish your coffee and relax and he’d drive you home after. You fell into a comfortable conversation, something Matthew never thought would happen.

And watching you walk up to your steps in his shirt still wasn’t something he thought he’d see, but it was better than he imagined.

***

“Hey it’s Jamie, can’t get to the phone right now…”

You groan, tossing your phone onto your bed and continuing your pace around the room. It was well after midnight, and your sister had been out all night, and past her curfew. Usually you’d cover for her, definitely taking the prize home for the cool older sister who picks her siblings and their friends up from parties. That’s what had you so worried. Sure, Jamie was a teenager and she snuck in a few little white lies with your parents just like you’d done, but Jamie always told you the truth. She’d check in with you more than her parents, letting you know that she’s going to be out late but she’s safe and if she needed anything she knew who to call. You texted sometime around ten, just checking in since it was Saturday and you were sure she had a more riveting social life than yourself. No answer. Then eleven rolled around and you didn’t hear anything, so naturally you double texted and now it’s twelve thirty and you still haven’t heard anything. You cross your arms, looking at your phone as if you could will an answer into existence. You grab it, dialing a number you weren’t even sure would work.

“Hello?” Matthew’s voice appeared on the other side of the line, clear confusion in his voice. You let out a sigh of relief, hoping Matthew would have the answer you wanted to hear so desperately.

“Is my sister at your house?” You ask, biting your lip and throwing on a pair of sweats so you could pick her up and murder her for scaring you like that. You were sure it was innocent, Jamie slept over at Taryn’s all the time, staying up way too late watching movies or when Jamie would hide going to a party from your much stricter parents.

Matthew tells you to give him a minute, and you can hear him walking through the house. By the time you heard a door open and a small fuck under his breath, your stomach dropped, “She was supposed to be home by midnight.”

“Alright, thanks anyways,” You sigh, “Do you know where they might have gone? It’s just, Jamie hasn’t answered me in hours and she usually does even if she’s out past curfew and I’m just-”

“I’ll be at your house in ten,” Matthew says, his keys alright in his hand and his foot halfway out the door. He was more mad than worried, sure his sister was out a party past curfew. Matthew was her biggest brother, and he was far more protective over her than Brady ever could be. He hated when she did this, and Matthew was pissed. You waited on your steps, Matthew car coming into view while you sprung up and practically sprinted into his car.

“You look mad,” You observe, as if it wasn’t completely obvious. You knew why, trying countless times to remind Taryn that her brother loves her and that’s why he’s like that. You thought he could go a little easier on her, but you wouldn’t dare get in the middle of that.

“I am mad,” Matthew grits out, knuckles white on his steering wheel while he drives slowly down the street. You just drove, in hopes you’d find what was obviously a house party and hopes your sisters were inside. You squint, hoping your eyes weren’t fooling you.

“Wait, pull over I think I see my neighbor,” You yell, Matthew’s foot flying on the break and you hop out. You were right, the bright orange tuft of hair you saw was like a miracle, “Hey Henry have you seen my sister?”

“Oh yeah I think she’s still inside,” Henry points to the house behind him, music blasting and a party in full swing, “I think she’s with Taryn.”

Matthew hops out of the car, grabbing your hand and pulling you into the house with him. Matthew’s fingers were laced with yours with every step he took, weaving through the crowd in hopes you’d see them. It took three bedrooms and a laundry room until you finally saw Taryn standing in the doorway. Her eyes went wide, and you pushed past them both to see Jamie with her head in the toilet. She was fine, well she was definitely in deep shit, but it wasn’t the worst thing to stumble upon. You throw her hair up, your attention moving to Matthew yelling at his sister in the hallway.

“Why didn’t you call someone,” Matthew yells, trying so damn hard to not completely snap on his baby sister. Taryn yells that her phone had died and then Jamie got sick and she didn’t know what to do. Of course they didn’t. You were probably more sympathetic, and you knew just how pissed off Matthew could get. You get up, pushing Taryn back into the bathroom and telling her to watch your sister.

“Calm down before you talk to her, please,” You plead, grabbing Matthew’s shoulders, “Besides, I sort of need some help right now.”

There it was. The very moment Matthew realized all along you could’ve been helping him. Your hands were wrapped around his biceps, a finger gently rubbing the skin right under the sleeve of his shirt. Every bit of anger disappeared from his body, a calm feeling replacing it. He knew you were right, and he’d be thankful for it later. Matthew knew he had to do the right thing by you, and he nodded, willing to follow any directions you gave him.

Matthew carried Jamie out of the house, getting both of your sisters in the car and finally heading back to your house. You knew he was still pissed off, a present frown on his face so you just took the chance. Just like he’d done before for you, you grabbed one of his hands from his steering wheel, lacing your fingers together. You caught the smile on his face, your thumb rubbing over his hand while his shoulders seemed to just relax. Once

Matthew finally helped you get Jamie inside, a night of laying on her floor to make sure she was okay ahead of you stood in the doorway with Matthew across from you.

“Thank you, I know we’re working on this friendship thing but you really didn’t have to do that,” You were eternally grateful, wrapping your arms around Matthew’s waist and tucking your head into his chest.

“You’d do the same thing for Taryn,” Matthew hums, knowing full well he definitely owed you for being Taryn’s replacement sibling with him and Brady in Canada for most of the year, “Get some rest okay?”

“Wait,” You stop Matthew, grabbing his hand one more time, “Don’t kill your sister, please she’s just a kid-”

“You’re way too easy on them,” Matthew chuckles, shaking his head at you. He knew Taryn was probably scared, and after he calmed a bit he understood where you were coming from. That didn’t mean he wasn’t going to tell her that if she ever pulls that shit again - he was going to rat her out to their parents.

And when Matthew finally got back in the car, he could see his sister’s grin in the backseat, “Don’t say it.”

She held your hand, are you sure you’re not going to malfunction now?

***

Maybe you were spiraling.

You’d been waiting for this moment your entire life, now you had a few more weeks until camp started and you were afraid. You knew you were good enough, you had to be. But what if you weren’t? You could feel the anxiety settling in, a feeling you hadn’t felt since Matthew told you soccer wasn’t a real sport in fourth grace. It’d been eating at you for weeks, deteriorating any confidence you had left in yourself. So you started pushing yourself even harder. The harder you worked the less like you were to fuck it all up. Your muscles were sore, your body was tired and it was just all becoming too much.

And Matthew noticed.

You were pushing yourself too hard, even the time you were supposed to relax with your families before your seasons started was being spent training. He understood it, the term first round exit lived rent free in his head every single time his skate hit the ice over the summer, but that didn’t make it okay. You looked tired, sluggish while you moved because you were running twice a day and training in between. And he was pissed everyone seemed to be fine with it. You should start working harder then Matthew. If it bothers you so much maybe you could join her. It wasn’t that he was jealous of your work ethic, he was worried. Matthew’s eyes followed you as you ran past his house again. The third time in one day, he’d finally decided he had enough.

Matthew took the walk to your house, charming the pants off your mother for her to tell him you were upstairs because you just got back in. He knocks twice, hearing a come in from the other side.

“What are you doing here?” You question, rolling one of your ankles that just seemed to be getting more swollen every time you started to practice. Matthew noticed it, your hands freezing one you caught his gaze.

“You’re overworking yourself,” Matthew stands his ground, he knew you could have told him to fuck off because no one hates advice they didn’t ask for quite like him, “Don’t tell me I’m wrong.”

“That’s rich coming from the kid who’s played with more broken bones than anyone I know,” You remind him of a few mistakes Matthew’s made playing through injuries he really shouldn’t, “I’m not fucking frail.”

“That’s not what this is about,” Matthew scoffs, it never once crossed his mind that he thought he was tough enough to play through injuries but you weren’t, “It’s about taking a break so you don’t get hurt.”

“I’m fine,” You huff, getting up and trying your best to hide the pain in your ankle when you stood on it. You fell forward, Matthew catching you in his arms and putting you back down the edge of your bed.

“Tell me what’s wrong?” Matthew asks with soft eyes, he bent down to take your ankle in his hand and inspect it the best he could. It was swelling, probably from the amount of pressure you’d been putting on your body with no breaks.

“What if I never score a goal?” You whisper, teary eyes finally meeting Matthew’s. His brows shot up, alarmed at how one of the best athletes he’s ever seen could feel the same way he felt right before his first NHL game. Matthew sits down next to you, hand on your thigh while you let out a cry, “What if I’m just a bust? Like I get there and nothing works and I suck.”

“You’ll score eventually,” Matthew scoffs, understanding how ridiculous you sounded but just how you felt at the same time, “Everyone does.”

“You scored like four games into your fucking career Matt,” You remind him, Matthew smiling a bit that you knew that to begin with. It would have been impossible not to know, or pretend like you didn’t keep a few tabs on his career. Matthew Tkachuk was a legend in the making, and whether or not you could feel butterflies in your stomach every time he dropped the gloves was a secret you’d take to the grave.

“I got suspended my first season too,” Matthew jokes, a teary eyed laugh escaping your lips, “I’d put down money you score in your first game.”

“Well good thing you have money to lose,” You sigh dramatically, the fear of fucking up still on your mind.

“You’ll find your groove, all legends do,” Matthew promises, throwing his arm around your shoulders. You snuggled into his side, a realization that he was becoming a comforting presence in your life with each passing day, “And if you don’t, you can always hide out in Canada with me.”

“Matty!” The same silly nickname Matthew introduced himself to you on your very first day of kindergarten slipped through your lips without realizing it. Matthew hadn’t been called that in ages, but it was welcome from you. You push his chest, “That’s not making me feel any better.”

“What if I told you the only reason I was so mean to you was because I was intimidated by how talented you were?” Matthew confesses, scratching your head with his fingers, “If I win a cup one day I think I owe you one.”

Matthew didn’t mention that in his wildest fantasies of raising that cup over his head, you were there. He’d owe you one and he hoped it was because you were there for him until he got there. Matthew saw it the same way every time, you’d tell him to go see his parents first but he’d fly right past them to get to you - the person who accidentally pushed him to be his best. He had plenty of daydreams about you winning too, remembering times you used to brag you’d go to the Olympics one day, and he hoped you were right. He wanted to see you succeed, more than anything, and he thought it would work.

“Legally you have to let me drink out of it,” You muse, shutting your eyes and letting yourself just rest against Matthew.

“It has to be Bud Light,” Matthew teases while watching you fake a gag. You grab his outstretched hand, letting him pull you up. His hands rested on the side of your face, eyes flickering to your lips for just a second. He wanted to kiss you, but he knew he had to wait. Wait for you to be ready. Wait for you to settle down. Or even just wait until he thought he had a real shot at forever.

Forever with you.

***

Matthew was kind of pissed off.

The press didn’t bother him, none of that mattered and at the end of the day Matthew was able to sleep at night knowing he was a good teammate and a decent person most of the time. This one got him though, some writer criticizing the A on his jersey, and how someone who plays like he does didn’t deserve a letter.

A letter he earned.

You could tell something was off, the way Matthew had been running alongside you was aggressive to say the least. He insisted he came with you, something about forcing you to take breaks. He was being your friend, even though your sisters seemed to disagree. Taryn’s words were replaying in your head, Matt doesn’t even care if I get hurt. That didn’t mean anything, those two had no idea what love was and Matthew caring about you a little bit didn’t mean he loved you. Besides, the way he was acting right now told a completely different story.

“Are you mad at me?” You finally slow down, sitting on a rock that was next to the hiking trail you were on.

“No?” Matthew stops dead in his tracks, his heart sinking to the pit of his stomach that he fucked this up too, “I’m fine, don’t worry about it.”

“No, tell me what’s wrong,” You push, crossing your arms and narrowing your eyes at Matthew. You could tell he was pressed about something, his neck covered in a red flush the same way it used to.

“Some stupid article about my letter, don’t worry about it,” Matthew grits, repeating his words again. His defense was up, even after you confessed to him that you were scared of not being enough.

“Get the fuck out of here with the tough guy act Matthew,” You challenge him, poking him right in the chest, “If we’re going to be friends you need to cut that shit out.”

“You really want to hear it?” Matthew barks back, fully yelling at you, “I’m tired of people thinking I don’t deserve things because I threw a few bad hits. Do you know how it feels to have everyone think you’re shitty? No you don’t, because you’re so fucking perfect that my own parents like you more than me.”

You stood there, silent while you tried to figure out how to tell him that simply wasn’t true. His entire body was shaking, the anger coursing through his veins like you’d seen many times before that. Matthew looked like he did the first time you hit a homerun in gym class, except this time it was because that same pressure never got released. You couldn’t come close to understanding the way he probably felt. You didn’t have the comparables in your own family, the constant reminders of Brady’s points tally compared to his, let alone the career his father had.

“Matty,” You whisper, grabbing his hand and running your fingers over the scars on his knuckles, “Why is this bothering you so much?”

You were sure this wasn’t the first time someone’s said he was a pest, and it sure as hell wasn’t going to be the last. Matthew sighed, the better part of his brain screaming at him to stop before he lost you too.

“I’ve felt like this forever,” Matthew whispers, eyes fixated on your hand in his, “From the moment I started getting bigger, there’s just been this pressure to play a certain way and act a certain way. I was a fucking kid, and while all of my friends got to go wherever they wanted all I ever did was practice. Then I finally get to where I wanted and I’m still getting shit on.”

“Except no one thinks you don’t deserve to be where you are,” You whisper, quiet words as if you were going to startle him, “And I know it doesn’t make up for things people say, but the people who love you think you deserve it.”

Matthew nods, pulling you into his arms and holding you close. Your arms wrapped around his waist, his words mumbled against your forehead, “I needed that.”

“I know,” You nod, smiling wide up at him, “And we need to practice more because you’re too slow, soooo catch me if you can!”

You slipped out of his arms, running away with a giggle and a smile. Matthew stopped for a second, his Neanderthal brain checking out your ass while you jogged away and his more logical one trying to process what just happened.

But what mattered most was that whatever you did worked and that meant something to Matthew.

***

Just admit you think he’s hot.

You wanted to kill your sister for making this weekend harder than it had to be. You were doing a good job at just friends with Matthew until Jamie was curled up in your bed while you packed for a lake trip with your friends. She pushed it for hours, rambling on about Matthew is actually your type and Taryn swears he’d be a good boyfriend if someone just understood him. The problem was, you were starting to see her point. Matthew had a glow up a few years ago, like one summer he’d gotten home and you were infatuated with him. It used to annoy you, because he’d been such an ass to you that you hated how attractive he was. Then things changed, and now looking at him was just frustrating you. You were terrified about the way he made you feel, like everything would be okay with one look of those blue eyes and a smirk. You felt like he had your back, a vast change from how you used to feel and it was just getting hard to hide it anymore.

Especially when Matthew looked like he did right now. He was holding himself up on the dock, shoulders broad and glistening in the moonlight above you. All your friends were inside, moving their party away from the water as the night lingered on. You wanted to run your fingers through his wet curls, the temptation was almost too much.

“I’ll be in Chicago a few times you know,” Matthew hums, enjoying the time alone he was getting with you. Anytime without Brady teasing him about what the Tkachuk’s had been referring to as the hand holding incident. He didn’t want them to think he didn’t want you, because he did, but he just needed to move at his own pace.

“You want to come see me play?” You ask, leaning back on the palms of your hands. You were surprised by the kind of man Matthew had become, it was a completely different person that he used to be. He cared so much about his loved ones, and you were starting to feel like maybe you had a place there.

“Actually thinking you could come see me play,” Matthew teases, sarcasm dripping from his words. You lifted your foot up, kicking some of the water below you to splash him, but he’d caught your ankle before you could. He stopped for a moment, running a thumb over your skin, “This looks better.”

“Don’t make you admit you were right,” You whine, Matthew swiftly pulling you into the water with him. You yelp, the water way too cold for any normal person, “It’s freezing.”

“C’mere then,” Matthew grabs your waist, pulling your body against his. His hands were splayed across your back, heat radiating off of them. One of your hands was on his shoulder, your other on his chest. You could feel his heart beating quickly, his eyes locked on yours, “Middle school Matthew would be so jealous of me right now.”

“Why’s that?” You hum, running your fingers along Matthew to play connect the dots with the beauty marks on his skin.

“Because he had the biggest crush on you,” Matthew confesses, his grip on you a little tighter, as if he was afraid you’d slip right through his fingers again, “But he was too thick headed to do anything about it.”

“What about grown up Matthew?” You ask, biting your lip. Matthew was practically holding you both up in the water, pressed so close together you could hear the hitch in his breath at your question, “Is he too thick headed to do something too?”

You wrapped your legs around Matthew’s waist, pressing your lips to his and tugging on the curls at the base of his neck. He pushed you up against the dock, helping you back up and pulling himself up next to you. You grabbed the back of his neck, latching your lips back on his. His hand was on your back, fingers toying with the back of your bathing suit, “Think we can get upstairs without anyone noticing?”

Matthew was cool most of the time. He never faltered under the pressure from his career, most of the time, and he definitely didn’t fold when it came to a pretty girl. You had him in the palm of your hand, every part of his brain malfunctioning in response to your words. You bit your lip, wondering if you’d read this entire situation. Matthew rubs a thumb along your lip, “When are you going to realize I’d do whatever you asked me to?”

The two of you snuck up the stairs, giggles and stolen kisses left in your wake. You open the door, Matthew’s hands still toying your bathing suit top, “Just take it off already Matty.”

“Don’t have to ask me twice,” Matthew breathes, his lips pressed against your neck while the garment falls to the floor, “So fucking beautiful.”

You back hit the mattress, Matthew’s hands running up your body slowly. Slow wasn’t in Matthew’s vocabulary, but he was taking his time just in case he never got this opportunity again. His fingers hooked under your bathing suit bottoms, sliding the wet fabric down your legs. You looked so beautiful, spread out just for Matthew like he’d dreamed about numerous times. His lips moved down to your breasts, teeth grazing against your skin while his tongue swirled against your nipple. You let out a breathy moan, Matthew’s ego boosting from the sound. You plucked at his curls while his mouth moved down to where you were craving him most, a gentle kiss to your clit, “Matty, please.”

“I didn’t peg you for the type to beg,” Matthew hums, pressing feather light kisses around your core. He stopped, gripping your thighs and looking up at you, “You sure about this?”

“Yes, please,” You whine, pussy dripping from Matthew’s hot breath fanning over it. Matthew chuckles darkly, fingers digging into your thighs when he flicked his tongue over your clit. You moan, completely unbothered by the blaring music a floor below you. Matthew didn’t seem to be bothered either, his tongue teasing your entrance while his nose rubbed against your clit, living for the way you were whimpering above him, “Matty-”

“Close baby?” Matthew groans, slipping a finger inside of you and curling it. You back arched, his name falling through your lips was enough to answer his question. Your legs shook, pleasure washing over your body from Matthew and all of it just felt so right. Matthew’s lips were latched to your skin until he finally met your eyes again. He smiles softly, nudging his nose with yours while you caught your breath, “So good for me.”

“Should’ve known you were that good with your mouth with the way you run it,” You tease smiling against his lips.

“Not with you, not anymore,” Matthew promises, soft blue eyes looking into yours, he meant it. He didn’t know how else to make it clearer, he wanted you. You kissed him slowly, hands trailing down his abs and stopping where his shorts hit his waist. Matthew kicks off his swim trunks, cock springing free. You grab the back of his neck, pulling your lips to his and rolling over top of him and straddling his waist. It was criminal how good you looked on top of him, “Gonna ride me babe?”

You nod, lining his dick up your core and lowering yourself on top of him. You let out a whine, Matthew’s smug smile on full display once he realized it was because of how big he was, “We don’t have to if my dick’s too big.”

“Oh shut up,” You roll your hips, watching the way Matthew’s head fell back, smirking because he really thought he had control here. Matthew’s hands gripped your waist, moving your hips faster. His finger flicked over your clit, causing you to lunge forward on top of him. Matthew flipped you over, wrapping a leg around his waist so he could hit your g-spot. Your hands gripped his shoulders, nails leaving scratches Matthew was going to wear pride later. You were seeing stars, noises leaving your throat you’d never even heard yourself make, “Fuck, Matty, I’m gonna cum again.”

“Look at me,” Matthew grabs your chin, pressing his forehead against yours and watching while your eyes roll back with pleasure. Your pussy clenched around him, his own cum spilling into you from the sensation, a loud groan following. Matthew pressed a kiss to your forehead, his cock still buried inside of you, “I wasn’t bullshitting you, I mean every word Y/N.”

“Matthew,” You whisper, running a finger along his back, “The distance…”

You didn’t mention everything, the way that if this was real it meant it would end up ripping you both apart. You were set to live in a different city, Matthew all the way in another country. The way your dreams included a spot on the U.S. National team, and the idea that wanting to be with Matthew would hold you back was terrifying. The way his dreams probably meant staying in Calgary forever, a C on his jersey and a cup over his head. It wasn’t going to be easy, you weren’t ever going to be the doting girlfriend he probably needed. There would be years of travel schedules and games that overlapped, and a part of you thought that maybe Matthew wouldn’t be able to do it. You’d get a year in and he’d find someone who would be there more and finally you’d end it.

“We can make it work, baby I want you, I always have and I probably always will,” Matthew starts, baring his soul to another person for the first time in his goddamn life, “I want to support your dreams and have you be there for mine. I’m all in here, I don’t know how else to tell you.”

“Can I have some time?” You plead, holding onto Matthew’s shoulders because you knew he could leave and tell you to never speak to him again. Matthew sighs, understanding the way you were shitting yourself about starting your own professional career, remembering the way rookie Matthew would have died before he considered settling down that first year, “Please don’t leave me-”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Matthew promises, rolling over and letting your rest on his chest, “I’ll wait for you.”

You smile, snuggling closer to him. Matthew didn’t sleep a minute that night, running every single scenario that could possibly happen with the two of you. Matthew was sure it would work out, it had to, because if it didn’t he wasn’t sure he’d be able to recover.

So now all he could was wait.

***

You know this is creepy right?

Matthew stares at Sam, punching his teammate in the arm lightly and telling him to shut up. He had a night off in Chicago, and after four straight hours of staring at your contact in his phone, Matthew finally just bought the tickets. He’d been good at keeping his distance, you needed space and he respected you enough to try and give it to you. He wasn’t doing so hot, Matthew consuming more soccer games than hockey games at this point. It started with your first game, because how was he supposed to just pretend like it wasn’t happening? You scored too, and it took everything in his power not to call you to tell you that not only was he right, he was insanely proud of you.

And he’d been hearing it from everyone. Your sister thought it was bullshit, Taryn and Jamie almost had Matthew on a flight to Chicago ready to show up like a terrible Lifetime movie. Brady thought it was hilarious the way Matthew was simping like this for one girl. Now, his teammates were on him, wondering why on Earth their friend who historically ran through women faster than he did mouthguards could be this hung up on someone he had a crush on in middle school.

“What number is she?” Sam asks, sipping the beer he forced Matthew to buy after making him go along with this.

“Nineteen,” Matthew smiles, pointing down at you on the field. You looked so happy, warming up with one of your teammates and a bright smile on your face. It seemed like a good fit, your team and your new city, and it made Matthew’s heart grow four sizes.

“Did she choose your number?” Sam jokes and Matthew mumbles something under his breath, “What?”

“It was her number first,” Matthew admits, not wanting to ever confess to another soul that you crossed his mind when he kept that camp number. Sam howled next to him, leaning over his seat and cracking up at his teammate.

You looked out in the crowd about halfway through the game, rubbing your eyes to make sure you weren’t seeing things. That tuft of curls was hard to miss, not to mention you knew just how big Matthew was. He was far too into the game to realize you caught him, up in arms about a call against your team that was valid but he’d argue it wasn’t. You asked for space, and it was getting harder to stick to your guns. Especially when he was making it so clear that he wanted this.

And whether or not you went to his game the next night, was a secret you’d take to the grave.

***

You were so close you could have tasted it.

While the final seconds of your season came to a close, all you could do was hold your head in your hands and hope no one caught the tears. A semi-final loss was devastating, but a semi-final loss where there wasn’t anything you could have done differently was even worse. Every athlete had off nights, a point Keith pushed right before you left to start your season, and he was right. Unfortunately, that was this game. Your biggest fear had come true and there was nothing you could do about it now. The game was over and you weren’t moving on.

And Matthew watched it.

Matthew promised you space, and he swore he’d give you the time you needed to settle down. But, this was something he couldn’t ignore. He could tell you were off, your entire rookie season was almost perfect and watching the way you folded during this game was gut wrenching. Matthew knew better than anyone, losing sucked. So he took the chance, grabbing his phone and shooting you a text he’d been waiting to send.

Doors open in Calgary.

and I’m so fucking proud of you.

It was the very last text you saw before you went to bed that night, tossing and turning for a few hours thinking about that loss. You couldn’t stop, every bone in your body was aching and you didn’t know what to do. So you bought a flight, packed your shit and was walking down the hallway to Matthew’s apartment without a second thought. You’d left him on read, calling Brady in the middle of the night and asking for his address, who gave it to you reluctantly with a reminder that if you needed to see him this badly you should rethink the needing time thing.

Matthew let out a groan when he had a bang at his door at three in the morning. Noah definitely was trying to walk into the wrong apartment again, and Matthew was grouchy when he whipped his door open. Except it wasn’t Noah after he’d had too many. It was you, teary eyed with your shit in a suitcase and a broken heart.

“I can’t stop thinking about it,” You admit, whispering something you never thought you’d say to anyone, “I just didn’t do enough-”

Matthew didn’t say a word, pulling you into a bone crushing hug and holding you as tightly as he could. You didn’t need to hear it from him, about how things were out of your control and you did your best. You didn’t want that right now, you wanted him, “Baby…”

“Everything hurts,” You whimper, finally just letting it all out. You were bruised and battered from the season, the physical pain alone was enough to upset you, let alone the loss you just took. Matthew carded his fingers through your hair, letting you soak his bare chest with your tears because he wouldn’t have it any other way. You came back to him. You came back to him when things got too tough because you trusted him to bring you some peace, and he was happy about it.

You passed out sometime after that, your tears finally running dry and the exchaustion taking over your body. Matthew woke up early the next day, grateful for the optional morning skate so he could stay with you for just a little bit longer. The sun was just starting to peek through the curtains in his room, a calm snowy morning in Calgary so the city was just a bit quieter.

Matthew settled on breakfast, working away in his kitchen with the only thing he knew how to make. Tell her you made it, his mom’s words from just a few months prior in his head while he cooked. You padded out his bedroom, one of Matthew’s god awful beer shirts hanging from your frame while you wrapped your arms around his waist and pressed a kiss into his back, “It’s cold here.”

“You’ll get used to it,” Matthew hums, internally pumping his fist when he felt your lips form a smile against his skin. You turned your head, pressing your cheek against his against and letting out a laugh, “What’s so funny?”

“You framed my jersey?” You ask, your eye catching a jersey that was way too familiar. It was hung up beside Matthew’s from his first all star game, both number nineteens staring back at you.

“Why wouldn’t I? You’re my favorite player,” Matthew hums, a blush covering his cheeks, “I’m so proud of you.”

“You keep saying that,” Matthew finally turns around, pressing a quick peck to your lips.

“I’ll keep saying it long after we both retire,” Matthew speaks, words clear and sure because he’s had plenty of time to practice this one, “I’ll say it when you win a World Cup gold, I’ll say it when we have kids, I’ll say when you play at the Olympics. I’m going to say it over and over again.”

“But…” You trail off, all of those same demons you’d been fighting when it came to your whatever this was with Matthew, “What I’m not around enough for you?”

Matthew knew what you were thinking about, he’d thought about it plenty too. There were countless sleepless nights where all he did was wonder if you’d find someone in Chicago who could support you better than he could. He’d do his best, he swore he would, but in order for you to be happy, your passion came first. There was always going to be times when he couldn’t be there and it killed him.

“You’re more than enough,” Matthew promises, his lips ghosting over yours, “I want you to seize every opportunity in the world, I just want to be there to tell you that I love you and use the goat emoji on Instagram when you do.”

You let out a laugh, Matthew’s smile wide enough to see his dimples you loved so much, “I think I want to stay a little while.”

“I think you should,” Matthew agrees, capturing your lips in his, “Besides I’m playing tonight and I think I need to show off now.”

“You’re a cocky asshole.”

“But now I’m your cocky asshole.”

***

One year Later

You had a good reason to be late.

You swore Matthew couldn’t possibly be mad at you for this one. You’d missed your flight to Calgary, a few days post a second loss in the semi finals that you’d been taking much better this time around. Mainly because Matthew wasn’t there, but his stupid smile and words of encouragement where there on facetime hours later. That wasn’t the reason you were late, the reason you were late was because you’d received the most insane news of your life and it was an important phone or that flight. You’d caught the next one, legs shaking not to just call him and share the news, but you needed to tell him in person.

You’d finally gotten by the doors to the locker room entrance, out of breath from spriting there from your cab. There was Matthew, tapping his phone and staring at the clock on his phone with furrowed eyebrows. He was still in his suit, tie pulled a little looser, a nervous habit you realized he had some time ago, “Matty-”

“Don’t call me that just because you know you’re late,” Matthew huffs, already ready for the pout that would have followed so he’d forget all about the fact that you promised you’d make it on time. He holds his hand out, waiting for the handshake he made up in the car on the way to the first game you went to after he finally locked it down. You laugh, slapping your hand against his and letting him pull you closer for a kiss.

“They want me on the National Team,” You mumble against his lips, the words spilling out of your mouth when you pull away with an excited smile. Matthew stood there stunned, while you shuffled your feet in the little dance you did when you were really happy. He grabs your cheeks, pressing kisses to your lips again and again.

“We’re celebrating after this, holy shit,” Matthew cheers, still stunned by your news, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, now go score a few goals so we have even more to celebrate,” You kiss him one more time, pushing him before the door before he was late.

“Anything I do seems unimportant now!” Matthew calls out, a light laugh to his voice as he watched you walk away to go sit in the stands.

And that’s how Matthew thought it should be.

#matthew tkachuk #matthew tkachuk imagine #my writing #nhl imagine #nhl imagines

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ppangjae · 4 years ago

Text

SEVEN LETTERS | Jaehyun

SEVEN LETTERS | THE STORY UNTOLD (SEQUEL)

SUMMARY. On a camping trip, you find a message in a bottle that’s been washed up the shore, only to find out that it’s a message from you in the future. Your message tells you three things:

You must make Jeong Jaehyun fall in love with you because,

He’s your soulmate and

Because of your future self’s mistake, he ended up falling in love with someone else.

GENRE. soulmate!au | childhood friends to lovers!au | slight fake dating!au | fluff | angst

important note: the text from the letters are in bold

WORD COUNT. 10.1k+ words (BIG oof)

author’s note. here she is 🥺 this didn’t take too long to write out, which is very surprising. it is extremely impossible for me to write a 10k fic over the course of two days. i think i’m just really ingested in soulmate!aus and it just triggers so much imagination and creativity. anyways, enough of my ramble, i hope you enjoy this fic as much as i enjoyed writing it! also, it’s unedited so if there are any mistakes, i’m apologizing in advance!

It would be an utter lie for you to say that Jeong Jaehyun didn’t have a tiny little spot reserved for him in your heart. It was like he packed your feelings for him in a suitcase and brought it along with him on the trip to your heart. But just like that tiny spot you have for him in your heart, your courage to tell him how you feel is just as tiny. Maybe a bit tinier.

But you think you’re okay with it. You’re fine with how you and Jaehyun are right now.

Endearing gazes. Lingering looks. Skipped heartbeats. Flushed cheeks. Unspoken words and thoughts—

“The water’s cold!”

You snap out of your thoughts, looking to your right to see Jaehyun jumping up and down in the water. Fortunately and unfortunately, he has a shirt on. He’s shivering with his teeth clattering. You let out a snort, shaking your head.

“Jaehyun, get over here and change your shirt before you catch a cold!” You both hear his mother scolding him. The both of you share a look before bursting into laughter.

“Yes, mother.” He sighs, heading back up the shore before his mother gets even more angry than she already is. You watch him as he walks past you, flicking some water in your face to tease you.

“Hey!” You exclaim, wiping the droplets of water that hit your cheeks.

As you’re left all alone by the lake, you take off your sunglasses to get a nice look at the sunrise. The sun is blinding but it provides much warmth that seeps into your skin.

This camp trip is a yearly event where your family and Jaehyun’s family would get together and travel up to the cottage. It was something you and Jaehyun looked forward to every year. The both of you would be sent off to university in two different cities before coming back for the summer to spend it together at the cottage. It’s the highlight of your summer. It’s been the highlight of your summer for 18 years.

You kick off your sandals before taking a few steps into the lake. The water sure is cold, you think to yourself. When your feet are submerged in the water at ankle’s height, you look up to notice a light glare in the lake. You squint your eyes.

“What the fuck is that?” You ask yourself as the object is floating closer towards you.

The closer it floats to you, the more you make out of it. It reaches your foot and your eyebrows raise in surprise. “A message in a bottle? These things still exist?”

You’re about to call Jaehyun to tell him what you’ve found until you notice your name written in large, capital letters on the message. Your eyes slightly widen. Slowly bending down, you grab the bottle. You’re just about to pry the cap of the bottle open until—

“Y/N, your mother’s looking for you.” You hear Jaehyun say. You freeze in your spot, shoving the bottle into your hoodie before zipping it up. You slowly turn around, quirking an eyebrow. “She needs help baking the cookies. You said your roommate gave you her famous recipe?”

“Right! Thanks.” You fake a smile, rushing past him and patting his shoulder.

Jaehyun turns around and looks at you confusedly.

“Y/N, did you bring your roommate’s cookie recipe—”

“I texted it to you just now.” You cut your mother off as you rush into the cottage, heading straight to the bathroom. Your mother purses her lips into a tight line, grabbing her phone before uttering a soft ‘thank you, honey!’.

Gently closing the door shut, you lean against the door. You unzip your hoodie to grab the bottle. You’re curious as to why your name is written on the piece of paper. It causes you to pry the cap open, flying it into the sink. The cap rolls around in a circle before stopping right above the drain. You pull out the letter and indeed, your name is written on it. As you unravel the paper, your hands start to clammer.

Y/N,

You’re probably wondering who I am and why your name is written on this piece of paper. I am you from the future. Fate brought my message to you and you’re getting this message for an important reason. Take in a deep breath before reading the rest of this letter.

You’re in complete disbelief. Your shoulders slump and you slowly slide down the door. Is this even possible? Is this some sort of prank? A joke? But the handwriting in your letter looks exactly like your handwriting, making it all a bit more believable. You continue to read.

Jeong Jaehyun is your soulmate. Yes, that dorky little dude who’s your best friend? Yes, he’s your soulmate. You know that you’re in love with him. Don’t even try to lie. In case you were wondering, yes, you will still be in love with him in the future. But there’s a huge problem and I need you to fix it to prevent yourself from experiencing regret for the rest of your life.

As I am writing you this letter, Jeong Jaehyun is in love with someone else. He did not fall in love with you; his soulmate. He’s getting married in a couple a months. In order to rewrite the future, I want you to remember three things:

You MUST make Jeong Jaehyun fall in love with you because,

He is your soulmate and

Because of my mistake, he ended up falling in love with someone else.

You run a hand through your hair. This is too much for you. It’s all coming at you in full force. This is too much information for you to process in one sitting. You’ve already done so much at university, you don’t need any more stress for the rest of the summer. Besides, you just got here. You continue to finish reading the letter.

I am counting on you, past self. I don’t want you to live the rest of your life heartbroken, knowing that Jaehyun is in love with someone else, knowing that he’s getting married with another woman that isn’t his soulmate, and knowing that he will start a family with her and spend the rest of his life with her.

Don’t turn out like me, past Y/N. You’ll regret it.

Now go and rewrite your fate.

It’s what you deserve.

Good luck,

Future Y/N.

You let out a scoff.

Great. Now what?

“Are these the famous cookies your roommate makes?”

Jaehyun sniffs the freshly baked cookies and reaches out to grab one for himself. His mother swats his hand away and he lets out a yelp of pain. Your mother enters the dining room with another tray of freshly baked cookies and sets it down on the table. She hands you the other tray that’s already been cooled down.

“Why are you giving me this? I can’t finish all of this in one sitting.” You chuckle as you take the tray from her anyway.

“It’s not for you.” Your mother nods her head out the window. “It’s for the new neighbours. They just moved into the cottage. You know, the cottage that was being built last summer?”

“I was wondering why the cottage didn’t look so familiar,” Jaehyun mumbles with a mouthful of cookies.

“Want to come?” You ask him.

He shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t see why not.”

The both of you are heading towards the cottage. Jaehyun’s busy admiring the layout of their patio while you’re putting on your best girl next door smile. Jaehyun knocks on the door and it takes a couple of seconds for someone to open the door for you.

“Oh—hi!” It’s a woman who looks like she’s around your age. She’s wearing sweats and a hoodie, but she has a warm, welcoming smile that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. “I’m guessing you’re our neighbours.”

“We are, yes,” Jaehyun beats you to it. You glare at him but he barely catches it. You raise an eyebrow out of curiosity, following his trance that’s landed on the girl. Your eyes squint. “We baked you some cookies, please take them, it’s my recipe—”

“Uh, your recipe?” You scoff and he gives you a warning look. “What? Why are you looking at me like that—”

“Your recipe? Oh, I’m sure they’re delicious.” She cuts you off. She gently grabs the tray from you and you fake a smile. “I’m Yeona. I guess we’ll be seeing a lot of each other this summer.”

“I’m Y/N—”

“I’m Jaehyun!” He cuts you off again.

You frown.

“Nice to meet you, Jaehyun and,” Yeona smiles while giggling. “Y/N.”

“If you need anything, you can always let us know.” Jaehyun grins. “If you’re feeling bored, you could always hang out with us—”

“Nice to meet you too, Yeona!” You throw your arm over Jaehyun’s shoulder, weighing your arm heavily on it. He gives you an irritated look. “I hope we can make great memories this summer.”

“You guys are such a cute couple.” Yeona chuckles.

Your smile is wiped off your face. “Oh, no, we’re not dating—”

“I think we’re a cute couple too.”

“What?” You blurt out. “We’re not—”

When you look at him, his eyes meet yours. He gives you a ‘play along’ look and you find yourself clearing your throat and putting up an act. You fake a laugh, nodding your head.

“We are! Yes, we are dating—we’ve actually—we’ve been together for a year now!” You exclaim, thinking of all the ways you could kill Jaehyun in his sleep.

“We’ll get going. It was nice meeting you, Yeona.” Jaehyun smiles.

Yeona watches the two of you as you interlock fingers and walk down the sidewalk back to your cottage. You’re this close to kicking Jaehyun in the shin until you both get back to your cottage. Once Jaehyun shuts the door, you slap him in the arm.

“Ow! What was that for—”

“Since when were we dating?”

He lets out a laugh. “I just find her really cute and so I figured—”

“You figured that the only way to make her interested in you is by pretending that you’re—”

“Taken?” He finishes it off for you. “By you? Yes. I figured it would be the only way.”

“Why are men so dumb?” You sigh annoyingly, pondering on whether you should start pulling your hair off of your scalp. “Why are men so dense?”

“It’ll only be for the summer—”

“That’s exactly the problem! We’ll be fake dating for the whole summer. I don’t want to be playing pretend and be boo boo the fool for a whole summer.” You argue. “I want to go fishing. I want to go hiking. I want to go swimming! The last thing I ever wanted is to fake date you—”

“Well, too bad. The damage has already been done.” Jaehyun smirks. “Besides, we probably won’t have to put up the act for the whole summer. I’m going to fake dump you for her—”

“You like her?” You blurt out.

“Yes. I like her. I find her really close to my ideal type—”

“Do you think she’s going to date you after finding out that those cookies that she’s probably eating right now are not from your recipe?” You test him. He clamps his mouth shut. “Exactly.”

“It’s not bad to be hopeful—”

“And it’s not bad to just tell her that you like her either.” You fold your arms until you remember something important. And it comes in the form of your own handwritten letter.

You MUST make Jeong Jaehyun fall in love with you because he is your soulmate and because of my mistake, he ended up falling in love with someone else.

“Should I just do that?”

You snap out of it. “Do what?”

“Just tell her that I like her and that we were just joking about us dating—”

“No!” You exclaim with your eyes widened like saucers.

“Why not?”

“Because—” You start, trying to look for the right words to say. “Because you’ve already made a huge mess and if you tell her the truth, the chances of her liking you back will be lower.”

Jaehyun stands there as if he’s deep in thought. You fold your arms, waiting for him to say something—

“You’re right. You’re a genius!”

You think you’re going to get a headache.

Three weeks pass when you get your second letter from your future self. You’re cooped up in your own room, holding the piece of paper in your hands with your eyes reading each word from left to right. Just like the first letter, the second one comes to you in a bottle that’s been washed up to shore. You found it just in time when you stepped outside to get a breath of fresh air.

Y/N,

Remember this specific date: July 31st.

Also, I’m sure you’ve met Yeona at this point. Believe me when I tell you this, Jaehyun has the biggest crush on her. He’s not joking around. He’s truly in love with her. She is the embodiment of his ideal type.

You grab your phone to check the date. It’s July 31st. The letter came right on time. At least your future self is still organized. You were afraid that your future self would grow lazy.

On that day, Jaehyun will ask you to go to the beach.

There’s a knock at the door. “Who is it?”

“Jaehyun, duh.”

You neatly fold the letter before placing it underneath your pillow. “Come in.”

He opens the door and pokes his head through. “My mother cooked breakfast. Let’s go down to eat.”

As you’re getting off of your bed, you notice how he looks hesitant to ask you something. You put on your house slippers and as you reach up to him, you look at him questioningly.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

He will ask you this because he knows that Yeona will be going to the beach. He’ll try to convince you by saying that the weather’s nice—

“Do you want to go to the beach today? The weather’s nice today, we should take advantage of it.”

I want you to tell him this— “Let’s go to the fair instead. I heard it just opened up yesterday.”

He will try to convince you to go to the beach instead. Don’t give in. “You don’t want to go to the beach? Didn’t you say you wanted to go swimming? Tanning?”

“But we always go to the fair. Besides, this year, they’re only open for a week.” Just keep suggesting somewhere else to go.

It will work. “They’re only open for a week this year?”

You slowly nod your head. “Unfortunately.”

Trust me. “We should probably just go to the fair instead, then, huh?”

You smile.

“We should.”

“What if we bump into Yeona?”

Jaehyun glances at you. You know that the both of you won’t bump into Yeona, for she is going to the beach instead. He shrugs his shoulders as the ticket vendor is wrapping a one-day wristband on his wrist. The both of you enter the annual fair and it immediately brings you memories of last summer and the summers before that.

“We should probably hold hands then,” he mumbles softly.

You look up at him. “Huh?”

“We should be prepared in case we bump into Yeona.” Jaehyun suggests.

He doesn’t give you a chance to say anything and grabs your hand. Your hand fits perfectly in his, especially when your fingers interlock. You can feel your heart pounding in your chest. Who knew that the smallest thing to do like holding Jaehyun’s hand would turn out to be the biggest deal to you?

“Your hands are sweaty.” You mumble, trying to stop yourself from heating up.

“It’s pretty hot outside, huh?”

“Yeah, it sure is.” You bite your lip.

He grins. “Yeah, your cheeks are really red because of the heat.”

“Are they?” You gasp, letting go of his hand to cover your cheeks.

He chuckles. “It’s cute.”

Your hands slowly fall back to your sides. “Cute?”

He hums in reply, avoiding eye contact. He grabs your hand and interlocks your fingers. His ears are turning red, just like your rosy red cheeks.

“Why did you want to go to the beach?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “I heard Yeona will be going.”

“Do you,” you begin until you hesitate. “Do you like her?”

He nods. You’re not sure what to say or feel. But there’s one thing you’re sure of.

“I like her a lot.”

Jaehyun’s whipped for her.

The fair will be packed. “It’s quite busy today, huh?”

Jaehyun nods. “I think it’s because they’re only open for a week.”

You won’t bump into Yeona. In fact, you and Jaehyun will have the best day ever. Enjoy it while it lasts.

“What ride should we go on first?” He asks.

Your eyes scan the rides that await you. Your eyes land on one of the rollercoasters a few metres away. It’s right across from the Ferris wheel.

Don’t forget to have fun. This is your first chance to make him fall in love with you.

“Let’s ride the rollercoaster!”

And so as you’re lining up to ride the rollercoaster, you look down at your hands. Your hands fit perfectly together, don’t you think?

You could definitely get used to this.

“I have two seats left for this ride!” One of the operators announce and you’re shooting your arm up into the air.

“We’ll take those seats!”

“Great. Just come on over!” The both of you are rushing to your seats and buckling in your seatbelts. Jaehyun’s still holding your hands.

“Enjoy your ride!”

At the end of the day, Jaehyun will ask you if you want to ride the Ferris Wheel.

“The sun is starting to set.” You point at the sun.

Jaehyun smiles. “We should probably ride the Ferris Wheel. Do you want to ride it?”

I want you to say— “Sure. I’d love that.”

And he will make up some stupid excuse like— “Great. I want to take pictures of the sunset. I think I’ll get a good shot of the sunset when we’re at the top of the Ferris Wheel.”

Thus, the both of you are hopping onto one of the carts. You’re sitting right across from him. In romance movies, Ferris Wheel rides always lead up to the character’s undying love confession to the love interest when they reach the top of the ride. You could definitely see how it will never happen, especially when Jaehyun’s too busy taking pictures of the fucking sunset.

Don’t get your hopes up too high. It’s not going to feel romantic. And it sure isn’t. You’re sitting there, texting your roommate to compliment her cookie recipe that your mother can’t seem to stop baking. You can hear the faint clicking sounds coming from Jaehyun’s phone.

“Y/N—”

“Yeah?” You look up from your phone to hear a soft ‘click!’

But there is one thing that will happen and it will stir up Jaehyun’s heart. You guess this is it. He stares at the screen of his phone for a brief moment before slowly looking up at you.

“Did you just take a picture of me?”

He will make up another stupid excuse by saying— “Yes, I did. I think it’ll be a good picture to use for your Tinder or something. I’ll send it to you.”

“Why, you little—”

“Sent it!”

You look down at your phone to look at the candid photo Jaehyun texted you. While you’re busy looking at the photo and whining over how Jaehyun took the worst angle of your face, you barely notice how Jaehyun’s staring at the same photo but on his phone.

There’s a soft smile beginning to spread across his lips. In the photo, you’re looking at him with doe-eyes. You’re glowing because the sun is facing you. You look… beautiful. Why is he studying the photo longer than he should?

He sets it as his lockscreen.

The third letter from your future self comes a couple of days after you and Jaehyun spent a day at the town fair. But this time, it doesn’t come in a bottle. This time, you find it in your mailbox after your mother asked you to check if she or Jaehyun’s mother had any mail. It’s quite alarming, but it was like you were destined to check the mail that morning.

“Any mail for us?”

You shake your head. “Nope. I’ll head back to bed, I’m still a bit tired.”

Your letter is tucked underneath your bra and once you arrive in your room, you pull it out. You sit against your door, ripping the letter open to see your handwriting.

Y/N,

On August 14th, Yeona and her family will come over for dinner. You and Jaehyun will continue to put up your fake dating act. But it won’t be for long.

After your dinner, Jaehyun will tell Yeona the truth. I don’t remember what his excuse was, but I do remember Yeona feeling relieved because at that very moment, she will confess to him.

You will feel like shit. I’m not even going to sugarcoat it. But there is one thing I want you to do, and that is to stop them from kissing out on the front porch.

That shit hurt like a buttcheek on a stick and I don’t want you to experience it.

“Y/N, make sure to wake up before five because the Kims are coming over for dinner!”

You let out a frustrated sigh. You read the last few words from the letter before crumbling it up into a paper ball. You aim for the trash can near your bedside table.

Things get better and I will make sure that they get better.

The paper ball goes into the trash can perfectly. Swish.

Trust me.

The Kims arrive right on the dot with a tray of lasagna and a bowl of what seems like potato salad. You find it hilarious how Jaehyun’s dressed up with an odd mixture of casual and formal clothing. He has his hair slicked back with hair gel and he’s wearing his best white button-up shirt with.. pink house slippers?

You’re not sure what kind of look he was going for, but Yeona doesn’t seem to mind.

“Come on in! Let’s eat!”

Everything is laid out on the dining table. Yeona looks at the two of you with suspicion as Jaehyun sits next to her and not you. You look at Jaehyun confusedly and he barely notices. You take a quick look underneath the table to see Jaehyun’s foot and you give it a gentle kick. He jumps in his seat, glaring at you.

“I’ll switch seats with Y/N,” Yeona chuckles softly. “It’d be best for the couple to sit next to each other, right?”

Your mother and Jaehyun’s mother share a confused look before bursting out into giggles. Your mother shakes her head, waving her hand. “Oh no, sweetheart, they’re not dating—”

“We are—” Jaehyun tries to cut your mother off but he stops himself when his mother gives him a warning look.

You begin to panic. “I—we just started dating two weeks ago—”

Yeona frowns. “But I thought you’ve been dating each other for a year—”

“Let’s eat, shall we?” Jaehyun insists, flashing an uneasy, nervous smile.

You shouldn’t be feeling embarrassed. In fact, Jaehyun was the one who brought you into this mess. From your future self, you know that the truth will be exposed during dinner with the Kims. But you weren’t prepared for this.

“I’m so confused.” Yeona looks at the both of you.

“Yeona, can we—I can explain—can we please talk outside?” Jaehyun asks, moreso pleads.

She looks at him with a wavering glance. “S-Sure. We can talk.”

The dinner continues and there’s nothing but tension and awkwardness in the room. You’re left all alone with the adults as Yeona and Jaehyun step outside to have a talk. You’re picking at your asparagus and steak, pondering on whether you should stuff your face as if it’ll make you disappear into thin air. You could feel burning stares from your mother and your eyes meet hers. She’s looking at you like she demands an explanation but all you could do is shrug your shoulders and wince.

“So, Yeona’s in third year university like Jaehyun and Y/N?” Jaehyun’s mother tries to change the atmosphere.

Yeona’s parents nod and flash a small smile. “She’s studying Economics.”

“Wow,” Jaehyun’s father muses. “I guess Yeona and I will get along quite well.”

“Really?” Yeona’s mother says.

His father nods. “I graduated from an Economics program. If she has any questions throughout her undergrad, she can definitely ask me.”

You’re starting to feel insecure.

“Let me just say that Yeona is very beautiful, just like you.” Jaehyun’s mother tells Yeona’s mother, who lets out a giggle.

“Oh, that’s very flattering to hear. I try my best to stay young. But it’s nice to see that it’s been passed down to Yeona.”

Jaehyun’s mother smiles. “She grew up very well.”

You will feel like shit. I’m not even going to sugarcoat it.

Hell, you weren’t sure how bad it was going to be but now you know. You feel like utter shit. This isn’t even your fault. If Jaehyun didn’t lead you into this mess, you wouldn’t be feeling this way. You wouldn’t be sitting in the midst of a conversation between adults, feeling like you’re invisible. Your insecurities wouldn’t be getting the best of you.

You slowly get up from your seat. “Sorry, excuse me, I’m going to get some fresh air.”

They don’t even notice your absence. Your feet somehow drag you to the front porch, where Jaehyun and Yeona are having their talk.

But there is one thing I want you to do, and that is to stop them from kissing out on the front porch.

That shit hurt like a buttcheek on a stick and I don’t want you to experience it.

Your eyebrows raise. You shut your eyes, mustering up all the courage. Your hand grabs the doorknob and you open the door just in time to see Jaehyun and Yeona leaning in. They pull away from each other and look at you with surprise.

You fake a gasp. “Oh, sorry! I—I just wanted to see if everything was okay.”

“I—”

“I’m so sorry.” You apologize again, closing the door.

You lean against the door and feel your eyes well up with tears.

Even though the kiss didn’t happen, it still hurt.

It still hurt like a buttcheek on a stick.

The fourth letter from your future self comes from you on your last day at the cottage. Jaehyun and Yeona are officially dating and they plan on maintaining a long distance relationship when Yeona flies back to London for university. Spending the rest of your summer heartbroken felt like shit. You’re kind of glad that summer is over and you don’t have to spend any more days at the cottage in nothing but the comfort of your room.

The letter arrives in the mail, just like the third letter.

“Is this the last bag?”

You shove the letter into your pocket. Jaehyun looks at you suspiciously, specifically at your pocket. He’s holding your duffle bag packed with your clothes. You nod your head. “Yeah, that’s the last bag.”

“What’s in your pocket?”

“Nothing!” You blurt out.

“Doesn’t seem like nothing.” He walks past you to place your duffle bag into the trunk of your car. He dusts his hands off.

“It’s nothing, I swear.” You reassure him.

You feel your heart stop when Jaehyun starts poking your sides to tickle you. You feel his hand sneak into your pocket to grab the letter. He has it in his hands and he’s just about to read the writing on the envelope when you snatch it from him.

“Hey, is that a love letter?” He grins, reaching out to snatch the letter from you.

You gasp. “No! Jaehyun! Please give it back. It’s not for you to see—”

He’s waving the envelope in the air and you’re jumping up and down to get it from him. He’s continuing to wave it in the air until you jump too high. When your feet land on the ground, you stumble and place your hands on his shoulders to prevent yourself from falling over. He wraps his other arm around your waist to stop you from falling over. The both of you freeze up.

You slowly look up to see him looking at you with an expression you can’t seem to make out. His hand that’s holding the letter is still in the air. The both of you stare into each other’s eyes, trying to read each other’s looks. His eyes trail down to your lips, which are inches away from his. You’re the first one to snap out of it, pulling away from him.

You reach up to snatch the letter from him. He looks at you with a daze.

“Sorry.” He says softly.

“Is everything packed up?”

You don’t say anything to him. You turn around to see your mother locking the door to the cottage. You realize that everyone, except your mother, witnessed what had just happened between you and Jaehyun. You feel your cheeks heat up again.

“Well, I guess summer’s over.” Your mother sighs sadly. “I can’t wait until we see each other for Christmas, though!”

“Jaehyun, are you sure you packed everything?”

Jaehyun looks at his father who’s seated in the driver’s seat with his head poking out the window. He nods his head. “I’m one hundred percent sure.”

“I guess this is it. See you guys later.” Your mother says.

There’s no such thing as goodbye hugs when it comes to your families. That’s because you know you will see each other eventually.

You turn back around to face Jaehyun. He’s still looking at you with that look you can’t read.

“I’ll see you later, dork.” You mumble, reaching up to ruffle his hair.

“You better kick ass at school.” He points at you as the both of you head to your cars.

“You too.”

“I’ll miss you, dork.” He adds.

“Me too, loser.”

And man, the moment you hop into your car, you’re already missing him a bit too much.

You almost forget about the fourth letter.

You remember the letter when you reach the gas station. Your parents are inside the convenience store for a washroom break. You rip the envelope open to see a small piece of paper. The letter is short this time, you note.

Y/N,

It’s been a while since I wrote you the last letter. You’re probably on your way back home from the cottage. You’re probably missing Jaehyun already.

I’m writing this letter to you a bit too early. You can definitely come back and read this letter again when the day is near.

December 24th. Christmas Eve. You and Jaehyun will be home just in time for Christmas. You will have the usual Christmas Eve dinner with the Jeongs.

However, your train ride back to the city will be delayed. Jaehyun will be the one to pick you up at the train station. This is your second chance to make him fall in love with you because on Christmas Eve, it will be the first snowfall of the season.

Now, what is the significance of the first snowfall of the season, you ask?

As your mother hops into the car, you fold the letter and subtly put it inside of your pocket. “Mom, can I ask you something?”

“Sure. What is it?”

“What’s so special about the first snowfall of the winter season?” You ask.

She lets out a snort. “You’re twenty-one and you don’t know what the first snowfall means? Gosh, you’re so inexperienced when it comes to dating.”

You chuckle. “What does it mean?”

“Have you noticed the brutal amount of couples out on dates on the first snowfall of the season?”

You shake your head. “Now that you’ve mentioned it, I realized there are a big amount of couples out that day.”

She hums in reply. “They say that if you are planning on confessing your love to your crush, you should do it on the first snowfall. Not only is it romantic, but confessions that are made that day are always reciprocated.”

“Always?”

She smiles. “I claim this first hand because your father confessed to me on the first snowfall.”

December 24th.

Your future self proves to be right. You’re sitting in your seat, looking out of the window. The sky that was bright and blue when you hopped on the train is now dark. You can see the stars scattered across the sky. A couple of minutes later, the train operator announces that there is a huge delay and the arrival time will be an hour later than the expected time on your ticket.

You sigh. As you’re pulling out the letter to give it one last read, your phone buzzes in your pocket.

“Hello?”

“Y/N, your parents told me that your train has been delayed.”

You smile at the sound of Jaehyun’s voice on the other line of the phone call. “Yeah, my father’s going to pick me up so there’s nothing to worry—”

“I already insisted on picking you up instead. What time are you expected to arrive?” He asks.

You feel your heart flutter. “You’re going to pick me up?”

“Of course. I missed you, you twat. Also, we have to make a quick stop at the diner for your favourite cheesecake. They said that they’ll be open until midnight.” He replies.

“I almost forgot about that.” You chuckle. “I’m expected to arrive around ten. Are you sure you’re okay with picking me up?”

“I’m more than sure.” You can hear him smile. “I’ll see you at ten. Is there anything you want me to bring?”

“Just you.” You laugh. “And the car, of course.”

“Well, duh. We wouldn’t want to walk home with your heavy ass luggage, now would we?”

“Shut up.” He’s tugging at your heartstrings. “I’ll see you at ten, Jaehyun.”

As you’re hanging up on him, you turn the letter around to finish the last part of the letter that you haven’t read yet. You specifically left the last part to read on the day of because you were afraid you would forget what to do.

There’s something really crucial that you have to do. If you mess this up, everything will be put at risk. As I said, this is your second chance to make Jaehyun fall in love with you.

An hour goes by faster than you expected. You’re hopping off the train with your luggage. As you’re stepping out of the train station, you’re searching for a familiar car in the parking lot.

“Y/N!”

This is completely off topic but Jaehyun will look really cute. He will be sporting a scarf that covers half of his face. He will look extremely cuddly and soft.

“Jaehyun!”

When he reaches up to you, it will start to snow.

Indeed, as Jaehyun is a metre away from you, you start to see snowflakes falling from the sky. You can hear your mother’s words echo in your head. First snowfall and love confessions. You can feel your heart pounding in your chest. You’re not sure whether it's the cold wind or Jaehyun’s presence that’s making your cheeks red. You’d like to think it’s the former.

Jaehyun will stop to look up at the sky. He will say— “It’s snowing!”

“The first snowfall of the season.” You add, letting out a soft giggle. “Long time no see, dork.”

The first snowfall of the season will remind him of Yeona. A frown will threaten to spread across his lips but he won’t let it show. That’s because him and Yeona have been going through a rough patch in their long distance relationship. But he won’t tell you this until after the Christmas dinner when you’re both a little tipsy from the beer.

You won’t get drunk with him tonight because things will turn out different this time. However, I want you to ask him this— “Do you know what the first snowfall of the season means?”

He will answer with— “First snowfall means first love. It also means that the person you’re with on the first snowfall of the season will be the love of your life.”

You won’t expect his answer because it’s completely different to your mother’s take on the first snowfall’s significance. This will further stir up Jaehyun’s heart.

“Do you believe in it?” You let out a lighthearted chuckle. “If you do, then that means I’m the love of your life.”

He will jokingly say— “Why? Are you in love with me or something?”

This is the crucial moment. You must say— “Yes. I’m in love with you, Jaehyun.”

His face is washed with shock and confusion. You’re both standing outside of the train station. Your grip on the handles of your luggage tightens when Jaehyun doesn’t utter a single word out.

He will joke around even more and say— “You’re joking. Stop joking around, Y/N. I don’t think Yeona would like hearing you say that.”

And it will hurt like a bitch. But try your best to keep yourself together. I want you to avoid the topic and say— “Let’s get going before the diner closes. You know the Christmas dinner is not Christmas dinner without that bomb ass cheesecake.”

He tilts his head in confusion. Why are you avoiding the topic? Are you joking? Why does he feel relieved to hear your confession? He shouldn’t be. He musters up a smile.

“Let’s get going, then.”

The months and days after Christmas Eve and what seems like a rejected confession makes you heartbroken. Your roommate is tired of hearing you let out sad sighs and soft sobs throughout the day. But you couldn’t help it. Your future self told you that it will hurt like a bitch. It truly did feel like a bitch and it still does.

On the night of your last exam of your fourth year of university, you make a trip to your mailbox to find another letter. It’s the fifth letter from your future self.

You find yourself sitting in your dorm room all by yourself while your roommate is out partying. You open up the letter.

Y/N,

It still hurts like a bitch, right? Well, in this letter, I will tell you what happened that caused future Jaehyun to end up with someone else. I hope it will make you feel better.

On July 31st, we ended up going to the beach. We bumped into Yeona. Yeona ended up hanging out with us and I felt like a third wheeler. Yeona was sort of picking up the idea that Jaehyun and I were fake dating and that it was all just an act. The more they hung out that day, the more Jaehyun realized that his crush on her was more than just a crush.

That night, I cried to sleep, wishing that we went to the town fair instead.

On August 14th, Yeona and her parents came over for dinner. The dinner was awkward. However, after the dinner, Jaehyun asked Yeona if they could talk. I was busy doing the dishes until Mom asked if I could take the trash out. I remember walking out of the door to see them kissing out on the porch. It felt like shit.

He told her the truth. He told her that it was all just an act to make her fall in love with him.

That night, they were officially in a relationship.

On Christmas Eve, Jaehyun picked me up at the train station. We both noticed that it was the first snowfall of the season and we were joking around about its significance. He had jokingly asked if I was in love with him and I said no. I told him that I wasn’t in love with him.

Around that time, Yeona and Jaehyun have been arguing more frequently. They were going through a rough patch in their relationship. It was starting to make Jaehyun question whether he truly loved her or not.

But around that same time, Jaehyun was slowly catching feelings for me. He had jokingly asked if I was in love with him because he sincerely wanted to know and if I had said yes, it would’ve given him a clear sign.

Later that night, he told me about his rough time with Yeona. He was slightly drunk and confessed that he was catching feelings for me, but because I said I wasn’t in love with him, I made him realize that he’s truly in love with Yeona.

I think this is what made him sure of marrying her.

I regret lying to him. I wish I told him that I was in love with him.

I started writing letters to you, past self, in hopes that you would get them somehow. Mother said that she started getting letters from her future self when she turned eighteen. She said that if you start getting letters from your future self, it means that fate is trying to link you up with your soulmate in the past after failing to make it happen in the future.

I truly believe in it. And so I hope you get my letters to you, past self.

Rewrite your future.

Jaehyun and Yeona’s wedding is next month.

I’m still pondering on whether I should attend their wedding.

That night, you cried yourself to sleep. There is still much left to read from the letter, but you’re too sad and heartbroken to read the rest of it. You decide to save it for later, when the time comes.

Just like your future self, you hope that you will successfully rewrite your future.

Because you can’t imagine being in love with anyone else except Jaehyun.

You slam the trunk shut, dusting off your hands before hopping into the front seat of your car. Your father picked you up on move-out day. Although you were supposed to graduate this year, you decided to take an extra year just for good measure.

Your father starts the car. “We missed you so much.”

“I missed you guys too.” You smile while buckling in your seatbelt. You suddenly remember what your future self wrote in the fifth letter.

On the car ride home, Dad will ask you if you really don’t want to go up to the cottage this summer. “Hey, are you sure you don’t want to spend the summer up at the cottage?”

And as much as you want to go, tell him— “I think I’m going to pass this summer. I have a couple of online summer classes and staying up at the cottage will be a huge distraction.”

Here’s what happened. I decided to spend the summer up at the cottage anyway. It was extremely awkward. Yeona and Jaehyun took that summer as an opportunity to deepen their relationship. All I did that summer was cry my eyes out. What seemed like a relationship that was crumbling to pieces was mended back together the moment Jaehyun and Yeona reunited for the summer.

This time, you are not spending the summer up at the cottage. I want you to continue with that internship offer. I wish I did. I regret not doing it. I hope and wish your absence will stir up Jaehyun’s feelings for you.

“You’re right, honey. I think staying at home for your online courses is the best way to go.” Your father agrees.

“And it’s even better because if I pass one of the courses, I might be considered for an internship.” You beam at him.

“Really?”

“Really!” You exclaim.

He reaches out to ruffle your hair. “I am so proud of you, honey. You better kick some ass.”

But hey, at least something good will come out of your summer away from the cottage.

The sixth letter arrives months later. You’ve just graduated and this summer, you decided to give yourself a break and spend it up at the cottage with the Jeongs. This time, the sixth letter comes in a bottle that washes up the shore. You’re taking a hike all by yourself when you decide to read the letter. You take a seat on one of the stones overlooking the small town.

Y/N,

This summer up at the cottage is crucial.

August 8th. On that night, your family and Jeongs will have a bonfire. When both of your parents decide to head to bed early, they will leave the both of you together.

You check your phone for the date. It’s August 7th. You have one day to prepare. Your future self was considerate this time around.

You will most likely have a heart-to-heart talk with Jaehyun. He will tell you that he’s been pondering on whether he should propose to Yeona and ask her to marry him.

Later that day, you decide to sit out on the dock. You’re dipping your feet into the lake. Just the thought of Jaehyun proposing to someone else makes your heart ache. You can’t even imagine how your future self is coping with the heartbreak.

“Can I join you?”

You look over your shoulder to see Jaehyun. You pat a spot next to you. “Sure. Come here.”

He takes a seat next to you and dips his feet into the water. You’re both sitting next to each other in silence. You’re sure Jaehyun has a lot of questions he wants to ask you.

“You know, I missed you last summer.” He starts off.

“I missed you too. Sorry I couldn’t come, I had a lot of things to do.” You say softly. “How are things with you and Yeona?”

“Things are well.” He smiles.

Oh how that smile makes your heart shatter in ways he doesn’t even know. “That sounds great.”

“Yeah. It’s a shame that Yeona and her parents aren’t spending their summer here.” He frowns.

“Yeah, why not?”

“Her cousin’s getting married.” He replies.

“Do you miss her?”

He lets out a sigh. “I miss her a lot.”

The rest of your afternoon is spent sitting at the dock in silence. There’s surely a lot on both of your minds.

August 8th.

You almost forget what to do when the day arrives. But you’re glad that you remembered when your parents called it a night and left you and Jaehyun outside near the bonfire. You’re roasting marshmallows with Jaehyun for s’mores.

Start the conversation. “You look like you have a lot on your mind, Jaehyun.”

He snaps out of his gaze to glance at you. “Do I?”

You chuckle, nodding your head at his marshmallow that’s burnt. “Clearly.”

“Ah,” he cusses, pulling his burnt marshmallow away from the fire. He throws it out and replaces it with a new marshmallow. “I guess I do have a lot on my mind.”

Jaehyun is thinking about whether— “Do you think I should propose to Yeona?”

“You’re planning to ask her to marry you?” You ask.

He nods. “Yeah. What do you think?”

He will ask you for your opinion. This is what you should say— “Do you love her?”

“I love her—”

“With all your heart?”

He will hesitate. It will take him a while to say he loves her with conviction. But after a couple of minutes, he will say— “I love her with all my heart.”

That’s a lie. Ask him this— “How do you know for sure?”

“When I met her for the first time, I just knew.” He says, his look turning distant. You’re afraid that his marshmallow is going to burn again. “She makes me feel happy. Whenever I’m with her, I feel special. I feel like the luckiest man on Earth.”

Tell him this— “Funny because that’s how I feel whenever I’m with you.”

“W-What?”

He’s looking at you now. He’s staring at you. You’re not sure where to look, so you focus on your marshmallow that’s browning. You pull it away from the fire to replace it with a new one.

He will feel confused. But you have to remind him that you confessed to him on the night of Christmas Eve.

“I told you that I’m in love with you, remember? On Christmas Eve? When you picked me up at the train station?” You try to help him recall.

His eyebrows furrow in confusion. “You weren’t joking? I thought you were joking—”

He will tell you that he thought you were joking. But this is what you tell him— “I wasn’t joking, Jaehyun. I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for the longest time.”

“Y/N—”

“But you’re in love with Yeona and she’s in love with you.” You cut him off before shoving your first s’mores of the night into your mouth.

He’s not sure what to say. You say that like it’s nothing to you. It kind of throws him off.

“Jaehyun, your marshmallow’s burnt again.”

“Shit.”

Jaehyun will feel troubled. Your conversation with him ends there. Things will be awkward for the rest of the summer and the both of you won’t talk to each other.

But there’s nothing to worry about.

Things will get back to normal. On your last day up at the cottage, the both of you will act like nothing ever happened.

The seventh letter comes on the day you’re moving out of your house. You’re making a courageous move to a new city, where you’ll be living in an apartment and working at your new job. Jaehyun has no idea that you’re moving out. Heck, he has no idea that you’re moving out of town. But you’ll tell him… eventually.

“You’re sure you’ve packed everything with you?” Your mother asks as she sniffs. Her eyes are glassy.

You look at her with an endearing smile. “Mom, the more you cry, the more I’ll dread moving out.”

“Shut up, let me have my moment. You’re growing up too fast, honey.” She wipes a tear that streams down her cheek.

“She’ll be fine. Besides, we’re going to visit her every two weeks.” Your father reassures her. “There’s nothing to worry about.”

“If you hate it there, you can always come back here.” Your mother rests her hands on your shoulders. “We’ll be ready to pick you up at the train station too.”

“I’ll let you know if anything happens.” You reassure her as you’re walking towards the car.

“We should get going before your mother starts crying again.”

“We probably should.” You chuckle.

“Make sure you eat your meals!” Your mother exclaims as you and your father are hopping into the car.

The car ride to the train station feels different. You’re not sure what the future has in store for you. You’re not even sure if you’ve successfully rewrote your future. Your mission isn’t even complete for Jaehyun is still in a relationship with Yeona.

You arrive at the train station earlier than the scheduled departure time. You decided to open the seventh letter and read it to kill some time. You take a seat at one of the benches.

Y/N,

This is my final letter to you, past self.

You’re probably on a train ride to a new town for your new job. Or you’re probably still waiting for the train to arrive.

The future feels uncertain, right? If Jaehyun is still in a relationship with Yeona, don’t worry, things are slowly working out. You’ll have to give it some time.

You will lose touch with Jaehyun for a while. He will be mad at you for leaving him without telling him. But make sure you both reconcile this Christmas. As for Yeona, she might give you a call a few months later, just to check up on you and stuff.

I just wanted to let you know that you’ve done your best and if things don’t turn out the way you wanted it to be, everything will be okay. Life will go on.

However, I am sure that the future will be different. I have a great feeling inside of me that things will be different. I am sure that you and Jaehyun will end up together this time—

“Y/N!”

You look up from your letter. It’s become an instinct for you to hide the letter when you hear someone calling your name out. Standing a couple of metres away, you spot a breathless Jaehyun.

“Jaehyun?”

He’s rushing over to you. You’re standing up to greet him until he crashes you into a tight embrace. You’re caught off guard. “Jaehyun, what are you doing here?”

He pulls away from the hug. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that? What are you doing here?”

You’re confused. Your future self just told you that you will lose touch with Jaehyun for a while. But why is he standing in front of you?

“I—” You begin. “I got hired at a company out of town. I moved out. I’m moving into an apartment in another city—”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He frowns.

Huh? This is the first time your future self was wrong. Does this mean that you can disregard your future self’s seventh letter? Does this mean that you successfully rewrote your future? But your mission failed. Jaehyun’s not in love with you. What is going on?

“I figured it would be best not to tell you because I knew that you would hold me back,” you explain. “And if you held me back, I don’t think I’d ever move out.”

“But you should’ve told me. I came over to take you out for lunch only to find out that you’re moving out of town and into a new city. Do you know how sad I felt?” He frowns.

“I’m sorry—”

“And then I started wondering why you didn’t tell me about this. I started to wonder if I did something wrong. I couldn’t think straight. I drove all the way here in hopes that I don’t miss you and that I catch you right before your ride.” He rambles on. “If I didn’t catch you on time, I wouldn’t know what to do.”

“Jaehyun—”

“I broke up with Yeona.”

“What?!” You blurt out. “Why would you do that?!”

He looks at you for a brief moment. You’re looking at him with anger. Why would he break up with her?

“Why did you break up with her? She’s in love with you, Jaehyun! You’re supposed to propose to her—”

“Because I’m in love with you.” He breathes out.

“Huh?”

Yeah, you’re really confused. What’s going on?

“I’m in love with you.” He lets out a nervous laugh.

“You’re in love with me?”

“I’m in love with you, stupid.”

You blink. “Jaehyun, you’re not making any sense right now. It was just weeks ago when you asked me if you should ask Yeona to marry you. It was just weeks ago when you told me that you missed her a lot. It was just weeks ago when you thought my confession was a joke—”

“On Christmas Eve, I picked you up. Yeona and I were going through a rough time in our relationship and I was starting to question if we were meant to be together. I asked and begged for a sign.”

“A sign?”

“The first snowfall. You and I were together on the night of Christmas Eve, where we both witnessed the first snowfall. You asked me if I knew what it meant,” he explains. “I thought, ‘Is this the sign I’ve been looking for?’ and then I joked around asking if you were in love with me, not expecting you to say yes. And you did. I couldn’t believe it.”

“Jaehyun—”

“And that summer where you didn’t come up to the cottage. I felt lonely even though I was with Yeona. Things just didn’t feel the same.” He lets out a shaky laugh. “Everything started to remind me of you. I just knew Yeona was annoyed about it. I kept talking about how this and that reminded me of you. It was all starting to make sense.”

“But you still had thoughts about asking her to marry you.” You say and he shakes his head.

“I asked you for your opinion on it because I couldn’t trust my own decision. I wanted to see if you would say no. A part of me was begging you to say no.” He explains further. “But you told me that you love me and that your confession wasn’t a joke. That’s when I knew.”

“So,” you mumble. “You’re in love with me?”

“I confessed my feelings for you three times already.”

“But I want to hear it again—”

“The train is arriving in two minutes. The train is arriving in two minutes.” The speaker announces. You and Jaehyun look at each other.

“I’m in love with you, Y/N.” He confesses again. “But do you really have to leave me here?”

“I’m in love with you too, Jaehyun.” You feel your heart doing cartwheels. “And yes, I have to go, Jaehyun. I can’t keep taking the train everyday to work.”

“Can I move in with you, then?”

“Not until you give me a kiss first—”

“How about I marry you instead?”

“Babe, I’m going to get the last box downstairs!”

You hear Jaehyun close the door as he goes downstairs to get his last move-in box. It didn’t take long for Jaehyun to make the trip to your apartment. In fact, it’s been a week since you moved in and he’s already moving in with you.

You’re unpacking his clothes from his bags until you open one of the small pockets to see an envelope. Out of curiosity, you pull the envelope out of the pocket.

The envelope has Jaehyun’s name written on the front in his… handwriting? You open the envelope to pull out a long letter. As you’re unfolding the letter, a soft gasp escapes your lips.

To Jaehyun,

Don’t be alarmed. You recognize the handwriting, right? It’s because it is your handwriting.

I am you from the future.

You’re probably wondering how and why you’re getting this letter. Read this letter carefully because it will be a lot to take in.

I made the biggest mistake and I need you to fix it.

Do you remember Y/N, your childhood best friend? Y/N is your soulmate. You are destined to be with her. As I write this letter to you, I have lost almost all forms of communication with Y/N.

I made the biggest mistake of falling in love with someone else. I fell in love with someone who I am not destined to be with. I married this person and have been married to her for three years. We had just filed for a divorce a month ago.

I don’t want you to experience what I went through, past Jaehyun. I don’t want you to lose Y/N. I’m sure you don’t want to lose Y/N either. Y/N is everything you could ever want.

Here are three things I need you to remember:

The moment you realize you’re in love with Y/N, you must tell her before it’s too late.

Y/N will be moving out when you get this letter. Y/N will be moving into another city and won’t tell you.

Y/N’s going to board the train at 4pm. You must get to her before then if you plan on confessing to her.

Those feelings you have for Y/N? Yes, they are true and sincere. Y/N has been in love with you for the longest time. It was my biggest mistake of thinking it was a joke and letting her become the one that got away.

“Babe, did you know there’s an ice cream parlour across the street?” You hear Jaehyun enter the apartment.

He places the box down onto the floor and opens it up to start unpacking. You laugh to yourself, wiping away a couple of tears that flow down your cheeks.

Who would’ve thought that future Jaehyun would be writing letters to his past self too?

You feel relieved.

You’ve rewritten your future.

You’re carefully placing the letter back in its envelope and back into the pocket of his bag. You zip up the pocket and let out a sigh.

“Really? We should probably get ice cream after we unpack your stuff.”

Don’t be a hopeless fool like me.

You’ll regret it. Ever since I married someone else, all I’ve ever done was reminisce and regret.

I hope you get to her on time. You must get to her on time. Or else you’ll be a little too late… again.

She’ll be waiting. In fact, all she’s done was wait for the perfect time and moment.

I wish you the best of luck,

Future Jaehyun.

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