#her vocals cut through the noise really nicely

[dancegender]

Heyyy, I wrote a one-shot for N x Thad that I'm posting. Prompt was 'playing video games' by @astronic-fr but there's honestly more setup than actual video games. Not a great writer, but I hope you guys like it anyway.

Storming Outside, But We're Safe In Here

Thad sighed, pausing his video game and standing up. After maybe an hour of walking and fruitless search, he finally managed to locate the dungeon he was looking for. Deciding to take a break before he went in, he propped himself against his wall to listen to the howling of the blizzard outside. He didn't really care for storms so much, but the wind was a pretty good source of background noise.

Right as he caught himself zoning out, Thad was startled back into sentience by a rather loud knock on the front door. He heard his mom call out, followed by a bit of shuffling and some footsteps. It wasn't until the door opened that he heard screaming and jumped to his feet, bolting towards the living room.

"Mom! What's going-" Thad started to speak but cut himself off, taking in the sight in front of him. His mother, still screaming, stood in the front doorway. Shoe in hand, she was swinging at a poor drone who was desperately trying to get a sentence out.

"Ma'am, please, I'm- ow! Not trying to- ouch! Hurt anyone- ow!"

Moving closer, Thad could see that is wasn't just a random drone at the door. It was N, Thad's newest friend, his body almost completely crusted over with ice. With some effort, Thad managed to position himself in front of N.

"Mom, mom, calm down! N's cool, he's not hurting anything."

Thad's mom paused mid-strike, staring blankly at her son. "THAT'S the N you were talking about?" She turned to face N. "I am so sorry! I've heard plenty of good things about you, but I never heard you were a disassembly drone."

"Oh, it's no big deal, don't worry about it," N's voice was a little hoarse when he spoke, like he was still waiting for his vocal cords to thaw out. He looked a mess, too, with his hair stuck up frozen in places and the small chunks of ice that hung from his visor; he was lucky drones couldn't get frostbite. This didn't seem like the charming, sweet, happy-go-lucky N that Thad was accustomed to.

"Come inside, N, you look like you could use some warming up." Thad was brought back to the present by his mom's voice. N simply shook his head.

"Oh no, It's fine. I just wanted to drop off this," N dug around in his pocket before pulling out a puzzle cube, holding it out to Thad. "You forgot it last time you stopped by the spire. Thought I'd return it and pop back home."

Thad accepted the cube, narrowing his eyes. "You flew all the way out here, through a blizzard, to return my puzzle cube. And now you want to leave, flying back through the blizzard again."

"Yes...?" N fidgeted, suddenly appearing to notice that the workers were staring at him like he'd lost his mind.

"Yeah, no, Uzi'd kill me if I let you do that," Thad grabbed N's hand, wincing at how cold it was, and dragged him through the door. "You're staying here, at least until the storm lets up."

It took maybe 10 minutes of negotiation, a few fuzzy blankets, and one very intense mom stare to convince N to wait out the blizzard. After warming up, N thankfully started to resemble himself again. Thad led him down the hall to his bedroom, picking up his controller and flopping down on the bed.

"Your mom's nice," N remarked, sitting down gently on the bed next to him. "Kinda thought you'd have your own place, though."

"Eh, not really," Thad sat up, gesturing vaguely over his shoulder. "There's only so much living space in an underground bunker, and it's a long process to add more. It's pretty normal to not move out for a while, just 'cause there's not a whole lot of places to move to."

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense..." N noticed the screen mounted on the wall. "Ooh, whatcha playing?"

"Skyrim," Thad unpaused his game, walking up the grand dungeon's steps. "I was just about to raid this dungeon. You wanna try?" He held the controller out to N, who took it carefully.

"Sure!" N opened the dungeon door, barging right into the bandits gathered at the entrance. They began attacking, which prompted N to run in circles helplessly. "Thad, they're stabbing me."

Thad wasn't much help, though. He was laughing rather loudly, resting on N's shoulder to keep himself upright. "Yeah, they tend to do that," he managed in between breaths. "You've gotta hit 'em back. Press X and use the triggers."

N obeyed, watching Thad's weapons come into view. In the right hand, he held a shimmering, pale green dagger. In the left, a swirling mass of deep red. N pressed the right trigger, affectively slashing the bandit in front of him, who promptly burst into flames.

"Woah!" N laughed, whirling around to strike another bandit. Thad closed his eyes briefly, taking in the sound of N's laughter. They'd really only ever met under serious circumstances, so the casual cheer in his friend's voice was a welcome change of pace. N turned around, activating the reddish aura sitting in his left hand.

"That's a spell attack," Thad explained. He pushed himself off of N, remaining close enough for their shoulders to still be touching. "Don't use it too much, though, it drains your Magicka."

They managed to get through the dungeon rather quickly, easily killing the bandit chief. Now, all that was left to do was to collect the bounty money.

"Hey Thad, how do I-" N turned towards his friend, starting to ask a question, but cut himself off abruptly. Thad hadn't noticed himself leaning into N during their quest. He only realized just how close they were when N's cheek came into contact with his own, a thin stream of electricity sparking between their faces.

They stayed frozen like that for a while, neither entirely sure of what to do. A steady blush fizzled to life in the corners of both their visors to accompany their wide eyes. Their weird trance was finally broken by the sounds of snarling coming from the game.

"Shit, we're dying!" Thad shook N slightly, motioning to the wolves of the screen. Snapping back to reality, N strengthened his grip on the controller.

"Biscuits!" N readied his weapons, swiftly taking out the wolf pack. Turning back to Thad, his usually animated expression was nearly unreadable.

"You good?" Thad asked quietly, hesitantly raising a hand to rest on N's back. N grabbed his wrist, quickly moving Thad's hand to his face instead. He kept his own hand on the back of Thad's, relaxing slightly into the touch.

"Yeah, I... I think I'm good," N's voice was uncharacteristically quiet. Thad offered a small smile, using his free hand to brush some of the hair out of N's eyes.

"Well, that's good," Thad brought his hand briefly to the other side of N's face before grasping his jacket and yanking him forwards, causing them to both fall back on the bed. N yelped, dropping the controller.

"Really, dude?" He said, propping himself up on his elbows. Thad barked out a laugh in place of a real response, and N laughed too, loud and bright and wonderful. Thad sat back up, grabbing the discarded controller and accessing the world map. N followed suit, snaking his arms around Thad's torso and resting his chin on Thad's shoulder.

In all his life, Thad never thought that he would be grateful for a blizzard. Now, though, he wondered if he'd ever be this grateful for a blizzard again.

[byjillianmaria]

As I dive into the umpteenth draft of A Colder Home, I decided to do a meta dump similar to the one I did for Behind You! Very similar, actually... you'll notice that all of the photos are more or less in the same place. And that is because I am lazy. But not too lazy to ramble about inspirations under the cut!

SONGS

Once again, my eight track playlist for this WIP goes extremely hard, and once again, I could easy ramble about all eight of those tracks. I will stick to the three I selected for this graphic.

This Unrest by Siouxsie and the Banshees - In general, I associate this WIP with a lot of post-punk and goth rock, so of course I had to lead with an iconic goth rock band. The lyrics are haunting and capture a feeling of deep unease, which is the sort of feeling that pervades this book. Also, there are a lot of weird vocalizations in this... gasping noises that sound like someone being strangled, along with echoing, ghostly shouts. Both become very relevant.

Blue by The Birthday Massacre - I started associating this song with A Colder Home immediately upon hearing it. It absolutely calls to mind a house haunted by ghosts that are slowly being twisted by their anger the longer they stick around, the singing switching back and forth between calm and violent. The lyrics even reference a car crash! And the notion of "casting shadows in a pale shade of blue" does remind me of limited light making its way through snow-caked windows...

Double Dare by Bauhaus - Okay, I'm going to be real with you. I don't associate the lyrics of this song so much with this WIP. I mean, if you want to stretch it, you can say that Cleo's whole arc deals with her learning to "dare" to hope and to not live her life ruled by fear, but that's about it. What really gets this song for me is the heavy, oppressive instrumental. It absolutely sounds like a house that's weighted down with decades of pain and anger and guilt... a house that is now reflecting those emotions in destructive, violent ways.

BOOKS

Writing that influenced A Colder Home! Like the books I referenced for Behind You, I wouldn't consider these comp titles, just inspirational.

My Heart is a Chainsaw by Stephen Graham Jones - SGJ is such an influential horror writer for me, with The Only Good Indians probably being one of my favorite books of all time, and is also a heavy influence for A Colder Home as far as pacing and tone. I haven't actually finished MHIAC yet — I have to read it slowly, because Jade's specific flavor of paranoia does not play very nicely with mine — but I included it as the reference title here because, like A Colder Home, its main character is a teenaged horror movie nerd.

The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson - I mean, Hill House is THE haunted house novel. Of course I'm going to include it as a reference! The opening paragraphs of this novel are burned into my mind, and its characterization of a haunted house definitely influences how I write the house on Brewer Street. I'd also be pretty remiss not to bring up the Mike Flanagan adaption here... while it's decidedly its own thing separate from the novel, his specific brand of emotionally-fueled horror writing has definitely left its mark on me.

The Shining by Stephen King - I mean. A Colder Home is a book about people trapped by snow in a haunted location. Need I say more? Interestingly, both of these books also deal with themes of alcoholism and addiction, although they come from very different emotional places. Cleo also references the Stanley Kubrick movie at one point, which is, again, very different from the book. But as a film nerd, I think it makes sense that she'd think of that over the book... I do also wonder if the film's less sympathetic portrayal of Jack Torrence might have stuck with her more. She probably wouldn't like me pointing that out, though.

The Fall of the House of Usher by Edgar Allan Poe - Another work that gets directly referenced in the book! It's not a direct comparison or anything, but it gets referenced early, and over time more parallels can be drawn... Overall, thematically, this borrows a lot when it comes to complicated family dynamics, skepticism vs. rationality, and that sort of overall inevitability/hopelessness thing that goes on.

VIDEO GAMES

I'm not much of a gamer myself, but the way that the medium is able to tell horror stories is fascinating! I've enjoyed watching Let's Plays of both of these titles.

P.T. by Kojima Productions - P.T. was a playable teaser for a (tragically) scrapped Silent Hill game, and it remains one of the absolute creepiest things I have ever seen in my life. The sound design haunts me... every time I hear something that sounds like that creaky light, I break out in goosebumps. I cannot replicate the feeling of this thing in ink and paper, but goddamn it if I'm not going to at least try. Also, you can definitely feel Lisa's design in Virginia, one of the main ghosts of A Colder Home, haha.

Devotion by Red Candle Games - I'm really fascinated by the way the story unfolds in this, how the player is given these little vignettes and has to piece the story together from that. I think you can sort of see that in the way I approach some of the ghost scenes in A Colder Home... but, also, I'm very inspired by just how personal this game feels. The little details in the set design just really add to the sense that you know these characters, and makes the scares hit all the harder.

POETRY

Poetry can express in just a few lines the same emotion that it takes me thousands of words to dig into! One is not better than the other, but I'd lie if I said I wasn't inspired by it.

In The Pines by Alice Notley - Technically, I think the version of it in this graphic is from the song #6 by AroarA, but they pulled their lyrics directly from Alice Notley's book of poetry, so I feel like that's where the attribution lies. This poem absolutely gutted me the first time I read it... It makes me think of loving someone who is unwilling or unable to stop their self-destructive tendencies, and how hopeless that can feel. Which is, really, what's at the core of this book.

Selfishness by Margaret E. Bruner - This book deals a lot with complex feelings of grief, and some of the less savory feelings that comes from that. Anger, guilt, blame... these are all really human and understandable reactions to a loss, especially if that loss is sudden. The horror in A Colder Home comes from watching what happens when those emotions are all that's left... I think that poem really captures that energy.

[genderflu1dwh0r]

waitress!Jade (too tired to proofread)

Jade had gotten told that some celebrity was going to be at their restaurant, when she asked who, her boss just told her that it was a surprise. That only confused her more, she shrugged it off, ending her shift. A week went by, it was now Friday, 6:32PM. She was wiping down a table when she heard the doors being opened, the bell chimed at the top. She was used to the noise of the bell, but not the tons of cameras going off and people yelling over each other. Her attention snapped over to see what the noise was about, her eyes went wide.

Tori. Fucking. Vega.

When she saw her, she shot up, standing up like a Drill Sargent demanded it. Jade quickly grabbed the cleaning supplies she was using and went off to the kitchen. Her boss quickly pulled her by the arm, making her look at him. "West, you'll be the main waiter for you know who." He smiled, Jade tried to get out of it, but he just patted her back. "Good luck." He left, Jade stood there, slack jawed. She slowly set the supplies down, wiping her hands on her waist apron. She turned, grabbing her notepad and pen from the pocket and walking out of the kitchen. She looked over at Tori, who was sitting at a filled table of people she worked with. Jade grit her teeth, not wanting to move. "I am not paid enough for this shit." She said under her breath before walking over, a big fake smile plastered on.

When she got closer, Tori looked over at her, she quickly went wide eyed and smiled brightly. Jade wanted to die on the spot, she stood next to the filled table. "Welcome to Riches, my name is Jade, and I will be your waiter for the night." She vocalized with a bright fake smile, she had to say that every single time, she had it drilled into her. "Jade West!" Jade nearly gagged, she kept her smile and looked over at Tori. "Yes, ma'am?" She asked, feeling everyone watching her. Tori tilted her head, looking up at her with her soft doe eyes. She was perfect, she was dressed in a short dark purple dress, her heels and lips matched the color. Her hair done up all nice, she looked like a beauty queen. "Oh, I haven't seen you in ages!" She cooed, she quickly looked at her table full of people. "I went to school with her, she was one of my best friends!" She said proudly.

Some of the people chuckled, whispering to each other. Jade felt the room closing in on her, she started to panic. She was embarrassed. Tori looked back at Jade, she could see the panic washing over her. She got up and held her arm, she had delt with Jade and her panic attacks a few times. "Hey-" She got cut off by Jade turning and leaving to the kitchen. Tori stood there, a frown appearing. She sighed softly before sitting down again, talking with her coworkers. Jade made it into the kitchen, she gripped a counter, glaring at it like it called her some name. She got startled when a hand was placed on her shoulder, she looked up to see one of her coworkers, Seth. He would often take his breaks with her to smoke weed and or cigarettes, he was her main friend there. "You okay? It sounded like she knew you." He said taking his hand away when he was met with a glare.

Jade scoffed, crossing her arms, her hands still holding her pen and notepad. "We went to the same highschool." She huffed, looking around mindlessly. Seth smiled softly, running a hand through his blond locks, nodding. "Well, Mr. boss man will be upset if you don't get out there. Go get em, tiger. I believe in you." He said lightly punching her shoulder. Jade let a small smile show, she rolled her eyes playfully before walking out. She was glad to have at least someone to cheer her up, off of work she was usually alone, either at a bar or her shared apartment. Her roommate and her didn't really talk, they would sometimes leave notes for each other, or a rare 'hey' when either of them got home to find the other. So Seth was a nice refreshment from that.

When Jade walked back over to the table, she heard murmurs and whispers, she tried to ignore them. She stood in the same spot as last time, she cleared her throat. "Sorry about that, anyhow, have any of you decided your order?" She asked, looking around at the table. A blonde woman nodded, holding her menu with a slight raised hand. "Yeah, I have." She said smirking at her. Jade already knew this woman would cause her to go to prison. She took a deep breath before going over to her, ready to write down her order. "Great, what would you like?" She asked, her voice slipping a bit, showing off more venom than she wanted. The woman and a few others gave her a disgusted look, scoffing. "Yeah, I would like-" she began to list off the most complex thing ever, Jade just rolled her eyes and wrote down what she heard. When she was done, she lowered herself, speaking lowly. "Remember, I'm taking your order, I'm not making this. So don't bitch at me if it doesn't come out to your liking." She went to the next person, the woman went wide eyed, gawking.

Tori watched with a slight smile, knowing Jade said something to take her coworker down a peg. She kept her eyes on her highschool friend, thinking at how well that outfit fit her, how her white button-up fit so nicely, how good it would look on her floor- "Hey, you good?" Tori quickly looked over to her friend who asked, she quickly nodded. "Oh, yeah- just... thinking." She said with a quick smile. When Jade made her way over to her, she looked up, a sultry smile appearing. She watched as Jade gripped her pen a little tighter, trying to ignore it. "Your order?" She asked, trying to avoid eye contact, she felt Tori's foot push her pant leg up a bit. Jade had a really hard time focusing, she blinked a few times, trying to keep track of everything. Tori nodded, propping her head in her hand. "Yes, Jade, I would like," she fluttered her lashes, making Jade shudder.

Tori pouted her lips a bit, oh how Jade would do anything for those lips to be all over her body. She barely managed to write down Tori's order, feeling Tori's foot against her shin, her eyes never leaving her body, her lips formed a smirk. Jade nodded, looking at the table. "Alright, does anyone need anything before I leave?" She asked, Tori raised her hand, gesturing for her to lean down. Jade knew it was a bad idea, but she did so. Tori grabbed her tie as she whispered, "You look very pretty, Jade. Very... pretty..." She giggled softly once she was done. Jade stood back up straight, she nodded. "Thank you, Ma'am." She mumbled, turning to leave. Once she gave the chef the orders, she stepped out of the kitchen to watch Tori. She leaned against the wall, checking her watch, as soon as she looked up, she watched as Tori got up and made her way to the bathroom, their eyes connecting.

Jade shuddered, knowing it would be a very bad idea to follow her. But she loved bad, before she knew it, she was making her way over to the bathrooms. She pushed the door open, seeing Tori leaning against the sinks. Tori looked over. "Hey, princess." She teased, Jade rolled her eyes, making her way over. She quickly pressed herself against the girl, grabbing her head and kissing her. Tori kissed back, she leaned off the sinks, pressing herself against the waitress. "Stall. Now." Tori whispered when she pulled away, Jade took orders like a dog, she went into the biggest stall, pulling Tori with her. Tori closed and locked the stall, grabbing at Jade and kissing her again. The two were so mesmerized by each other, Tori pushed Jade against the wall, kissing down her neck. Jade whimpered, biting her lip. "Don't mark me, I still have three hours here." She said as she felt Tori undoing her tie and shirt.

"Well, then I should mark you where people can't see, huh?" She teased, biting and sucking on the taller girls collarbone. Her thigh moved in-between Jade's legs, the waitress grinded against it, whining softly. She smirked against her skin, grinding her thigh between her legs. "Good girl, princess." She whispered, moving to take Jade's apron off. She untied it and tossed it on the pole that held coats and bags. She undid Jade's pants, soon sliding a hand under her underwear and massaging her clit. Jade quickly let out a whimper, her lips parting. Tori took that chance to kiss her, she grinded her hand as she slid her tongue into the other girls mouth. They both stayed like that until the bathroom door opened, a voice was heard. "Tori, you in here?" the blonde woman spoke, Tori didn't stop, instead sliding a finger inside of Jade.

Though, she did stop kissing, but she had an idea, she kept her eyes fixated on Jade's. "Yeah, Rebeca, I just couldn't stand that waitress we have. I needed to get away for a few." She lied, smirking at the girl who she was inside of. Rebeca scoffed, agreeing. "Oh yeah, I fucking hated how she treated me. What a bitch, am I right?" She said looking in one of the mirrors and fixing her hair. Tori nodded, her finger going faster. Jade tried her best to be quiet, she watched as Tori fucked her. She felt another finger enter her, her breathing got a little harder, she gripped Tori's shoulders harder. "Yeah, she was such a bitch. I knew her in highschool, she would constantly fuck with me. She poured coffee on me the first day of school." she said without a hint of anything to give herself away.

Rebeca gasped, laughing a little. "Damn, are you thinking of getting her back? Since you know where she works, you can do so many things. You're Tori fucking Vega, you hold so much power." Blondie asked, checking herself out in the mirror. Tori chuckled, getting faster, making Jade's legs buckle a bit. "Oh yeah, I am of course going to get her back, she deserves to get fucked over." She bit as she watched Jade closely, making her eyes go back a little. Tori licked up her throat, sending Jade over the edge. Her legs buckled, she came over Tori's fingers, shaking, she held her closely. Jade tried to contain her breathing into Tori's shoulder, she was in bliss, Tori's scent filling her senses. She closed her eyes, not wanting to let go.

Rebeca furrowed her brows, turning to the shut stall. "Hey, Tor?" She asked. Tori thought she found out, she slid a hand out of Jade's underwear, holding her up. "Yeah?" She asked, slightly worried. Blondie continued. "Do you think Jason likes me?" She asked, Tori chuckling into Jade. "Are you serious? He is head over heels for you, babe." She said rolling her eyes, she moved Jade so she could look into her eyes. Jade looked at her, dazed. Tori kissed her, buttoning and zipping up her pants. Rebeca hummed softly, thinking. "True, he did tell me that he loved me, but I still wasn't sure." She mentioned. Jade and Tori shared a look, smiling like dorks. "He told you that he loved you and you needed to ask me for closer?" Tori laughed, stepping away from Jade, grabbing her apron and moving back.

Jade tried to take her apron back, but Tori glared at her, making her stop. Tori tied the apron back on Jade, smiling. She kissed her again, buttoning her shirt back up and fixing her tie. Rebeca sighed, turning. "Alright Tor, I'm going to go back to dinner. I'll make sure that waitress doesn't fuck anything up." She said smiling, grabbing her purse. Tori laughed, nodding to herself. "Oh, don't worry about her, she can't fuck... anything up." She had made direct eye contact with Jade when she said that, making the goth glare at her. Rebeca scoffed. "I feel like she fucked up a lot tonight, but alright." she said leaving. Jade pouted, crossing her arms. "I can fuck you, but I chose to let you have this one first." She defended herself. Tori smirked, stepping closer, she shoved her against the wall, getting into her face. "What was that, princess?" She asked, husk in her voice.

Jade immediately faltered, biting her lip. She couldn't look Tori in the eyes. Tori was close, Jade could feel her breath on her. "That's what I fucking thought, Jaden West." She growled lowly before going and unlocking the stall. She went and washed her hands before leaving the room. Jade stood there, her brows furrowed. "What. The. Fuck." She whispered before following suit. She went to the kitchen, trying to focus. Tori sat down in her spot, smiling. Her mind on Jade the rest of the night.

[rabbitechoes]

2023 has really started to pick up the pace in the last two months. finally, some big releases and teases for big upcoming projects. there’s a lot of stuff i’m excited for. also since new music friday was on the last day of june, some of the tracks released that day will show up on here lol. also also please go listen to George Clanton’s new album!!! i talked about two of the singles in this series before and the whole album is wonderful. feel free to follow me on rate your music and twitter (i’m not calling it X)

“Tied Up!” - Genesis Owusu

◇ featured on STRUGGLER - Genesis Owusu (not yet released) ◇ genres: funk, neo-soul

I loved Genesis Owusu’s last album and had no idea he had already been dropping singles for the follow-up. “Tied Up!” sees him going down a heavier funk direction and I love it. This track is so much fun and the background vocals have been stuck in my head constantly. Can’t wait for the album!

‧₊˚✧ BEST SONG OF THE MONTH ✧˚₊‧ “dazies” - yeule

◇ featured on softscars - yeule (not yet released) ◇ genres: shoegaze, noise pop

These latest singles from yeule are my favorite stuff I’ve heard from them so far. “dazies” is another noisy, dreamy cut from their upcoming album. The shifts in sound always hit hard and the song never feels unbalanced at all. If you loved their last single “sulky baby”, I’m sure you will find something to love with this track as well. If the upcoming album sounds like this then I’m very excited. Could be an album of the year contender.

“Under the Sun” - SPELLLING

◇ featured on SPELLLING & the Mystery School - SPELLLING (not yet released) ◇ genres: darkwave, art rock

I’m a little unsure what this new SPELLLING album is. It seems as though she’s following up her incredible 2021 album, The Turning Wheel, with an album reworking tracks from her previous albums. She dropped new versions of “Under the Sun” (from 2019′s Mazy Fly) and “Cherry” (previously known as “Choke Cherry Horse from her 2017 album Pantheon of Me). I think both tracks are worthwhile, but “Under the Sun” is my favorite of the two. This new version has a bit more force behind it. Everything just feels like a step-up from the original. Like most, I would prefer an album of new material from SPELLLING, but I’m still interested to see how this new album plays out.

“Winter Has Arrived” - This Is The Glasshouse

◇ featured on As Small As Ants - This Is The Glasshouse ◇ genres: chamber pop, indie rock

As Small As Ants is one of my new favorite albums of the year and it deserves so much more attention. A nice blend of chamber pop and indie rock with a ton of cool instrumentation. “Winter Has Arrived” is probably my favorite track on the album. It features a somber vocal performance backed by a soft bass and (i think) some cello picking before ramping up into a beautiful blend of various woodwind instruments. For a project on this small scale, the musicianship is incredibly impressive. Please give this album a listen!

“Rest” - ANOHNI and the Johnsons

◇ featured on My Back Was a Bridge for You to Cross - ANOHNI and the Johnsons ◇ genre: soul

My Back Was a Bridge for You to Cross was my introduction to ANOHNI’s work and after hearing it, I definitely need to go through her previous work. “Rest”, and really the whole album, are driven by her soulful voice. The backing band are very good, but the vocals are easily what stand out the most. The subtle dips in her voice add so much life to these already passionate songs. This track features a lot of bluesy elements as well which are a nice touch. “Rest” perfectly showcases what makes this album great.

“Making The Band (Danity Kane)” - Earl Sweatshirt

◇ genre: cloud rap

This new Earl Sweatshirt single is maybe the most energetic he’s sounded in years. His last few projects have leaned towards a more deadpan, lethargic vibe which honestly worked really well, but this change of pace is very much welcome. The beat has so much energy to it and, while Earl will never be the most bombastic rapper, he really shines on it. I’m not sure if this single is a one-off or if this is leading up to a new project, but either way this song is worth checking out!

“Super Shy” - NewJeans

◇ featured on Get Up - NewJeans ◇ genre: k-pop

I’m not gonna pretend to be well-versed in K-Pop, but I have really enjoyed everything I’ve heard from NewJeans. Especially “Super Shy.” This track is a short and sweet banger that doesn’t waste any time at all. The chorus has been stuck in my head ever since I heard it for the first time. Definitely give this a listen.

“Vampire Empire” - Big Thief

◇ genres: folk rock, indie rock

Big Thief have released the long-awaited studio version of “Vampire Empire” which had previously been premiered on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. This version polarized a lot of fans who had fallen in love with that version, but I think this a great track regardless. The studio version has a bit more of a bite to it. The verses and the chorus all feel so cathartic. Adrianne Lenker’s songwriting also, as per usual, adds to it. Ever since their previous album, I think Big Thief have really come into their own.

“TELEKENISIS” - Travis Scott

◇ featured on UTOPIA - Travis Scott ◇ genres: experimental hip hop, alternative r&b

The long awaited fourth studio album from Travis Scott is finally here! I’m not gonna pretend to be an expert on his work, before this past week I had only listened to Rodeo, but I thoroughly enjoyed UTOPIA. “TELEKENISIS” is my favorite track on the album currently. It is one of the darker sounding cuts on the album and I think it works very well. It also has standout features from SZA and Future. Some ideas on UTOPIA don’t feel fully realized, but I think this song is not an example of that at all.

“What Was I Made For?” - Billie Eilish

◇ featured on Barbie The Album ◇ genre: singer-songwriter

Billie Eilish’s contribution to Greta Gerwig’s great new Barbie movie is probably the strongest on the entire soundtrack. Eilish always shines on somber cuts like these. Her shift into more acoustic instrumentation on some tracks on her last album and especially the Guitar Songs EP has been really interesting. I don’t think this track is as good as the material on that EP, but its still very nice and the way its used in the film secured its spot here.

“Rush” - Troye Sivan

◇ featured on Something To Give Each Other - Troye Sivan (not yet released) ◇ genre: dance-pop, house

I went into this track with low expectations because I haven’t really loved the stuff I’ve heard from Troye Sivan, but I’ll be damned this is a really fun dance track. Probably also helps that its very nice to hear upbeat queer dance music in the face of the shit going on in the world right now. Not much else to say about this song really. I hope the rest of his upcoming album is as good as this.

“vampire” - Olivia Rodrigo

◇ featured on GUTS - Olivia Rodrigo (not yet released) ◇ genres: singer-songwriter, alt-pop

The first single leading up Olivia Rodrigo’s sophomore album is one of her strongest tracks to date. The best songs on SOUR had a bite to them and “vampire” has the most bite (ha ha) out of any of her material thus far. Despite occasionally feeling over-produced, her lyrics feel very earnest. This breakup ballad has fire to it.

“Flex” - Courting

◇ genres: indie rock, post-punk revival

Courting are another interesting band apart of the UK post-punk revival scene. Their debut album last year had a lot of similarities with their contemporaries, but they have a knack for big choruses. “Flex” is no different. If you enjoy this sound, there is plenty to love here.

[angie-j-kay]

Okay, here are my takes from Barbenheimer, and the messages the movies seem to be pushing:

Spoilers under the cut.

Oppenheimer:

If you're autistic, have anxiety, or are generally sensitive to loud scary noises, be warned that this might set you off. This was very much a horror movie, disguised as a historical thing. Also, Christopher Nolan music is Christopher Nolany. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

The great horror wasn't that the people involved were monsters, it was that they were just people. ANYONE handed enough fear and desperation risks becoming this. Yes, even you.

If the monster feels really, really bad about it after, is he still a monster? (Answer: YES, but you still paid to see this movie so now you're culpable too.)

A discussion of how responsible scientists are for what the powerful and cruel do with their inventions.

Ian Malcolm in the first Jurassic Park movie was right. "You were so preoccupied with whether or not you could, you didn't stop and think if you should!"

Hey, it's that actor I had such a crush on when I was 14 and wow, he got old, and OH SHIT I'M OLD TOO... It doesn't matter which actor I'm talking about, MOST of them were that actor to someone or other.

Florence Pugh has nice tits, and Robert Downey Jr. should play more villains. Also, David Krumholz is slowly turning into Alfred Molina.

Spoiler alert: BOOM.

Men suck.

Barbie: This one's gonna get me SO MUCH HATE, because y'all love Barbie, but I'm gonna do it anyway.

They told me it was an empowering movie for women and girls to watch. I went through the whole thing, and was rather insulted by this claim. Yeah, the idea of "women can be whatever we want" was repeated over and over, but the actual movie showed very little of that. Only the DOLLS got to be what they wanted, not the "Real Women."

Barbie not having a vagina is played for laughs, and the first thing that happens when she becomes a Real Woman (Yes, this is a plot point.) is... going to the gynecologist, with her new vagina and uterus. The Mattel board meeting actually had a man ask "I'm a man with no power, does that make me a woman?" How Tumblr hasn't caught the transphobia there is beyond me.

Ha ha, pregnant Midge! Loved that!

Feminism is important, because the patriarchy hurts... Ken. And the other Kens. Look, I get that this plot point was aimed SOLELY at the men who were watching this movie, trying to force them to imagine the role reversal and see how awful it is, but it doesn't change the fact that the main plot point of a supposedly feminist movie was clearly targeted at men. Like... come on.

Why is Will Ferrel here? You could have replaced him with a broken lamp in the corner and the movie would have been just fine.

I can't think of a single time that Barbie invited Ken's company. He pursued her, and she tolerated him because that was just sort of her role and she felt she had to. He respected none of her boundaries, just constantly tried to push past them. Then when he went full incel to the point of violence (Yes, I count brainwashing and enslavement as violence and you should too.) and she defeated him, he threw a screaming, public, self-hatred tantrum until SHE was apologising to HIM and consoling HIM, just a few minutes of screen time after a rant about how unfair it is that women are held responsible for men's bad behavior.

Ruth - "I can't let you become a real woman without you understanding what that means." Ruth - shows a montage of babies and motherhood, with some random crap tacked on the end in hopes that we won't notice that.

Being vocally angry about the patriarchy, racism, and enforced femininity is for dumb, angry teenagers with daddy issues who don't know anything about anything, and growing up into REAL feminism involves pink dresses.

The Velveteen Rabbit walked so that Weird Barbie could somersault while doing the splits.

I did cry when Barbie saw the old woman for the first time and called her beautiful. That was nice.

The boy bands of the early 2000s are finally explained.

The only way out of the patriarchy is by women talking to each other and working together, then... men saying they're sorry and totally promising never to do that again. Because that always works.

I mean, the movie wasn't terrible. It just wasn't made for feminists. It was made to get men angry enough to go see the movie so they'd have something to make angry podcasts about, in hopes that a few of them would start to think about what garbage they're spewing. Also, to sell toys, Hummers and Birkenstocks.

Also, I'm not sure this was Greta Gerwig's fault. This whole thing reeks of studio meddling.

OH, and men suck.

[patricksmusicblog]

2023 Album Reviews/Thoughts

Some summeries, reviews and thoughts I had about albums released last year.

Owl City- Coco Moon: The production is solid in sound/production. The vocal performances are okay. The lyrics are mediocre though as are the overall songs. May work with a more youthful audience though. 6/10

Princess Nokia- I Love You But This is Goodbye: This is a good little EP about the ends and outs, ups and downs of heartbreak. As per usual it's elastic and expansive. Though there are moments I find Princess Nokia's vocals to be weak. There are moments when her passion and authentication cut through. 7/10

Aly & AJ- With Love From: A nice summery indie-pop/rock album. A lot of tracks to play loud on an open road with top down in somewhat breezy sun burnt weather. Nice harmonies and hooks abound. The slower hooks drag things down to an extent. This is also not an album I imagine I'll go back to much but for what it's attempting to achieve I think it accomplishes that. 7.0/10

Weezer-SZNZ: Winter: Solid effort from Weezer some catchy alt-rock tunes, nerdy songwriting Coumo's nasaly vocals all things Weezer is great at and known for is here. Not essential but good. 7/10

Conway The Machine & Jae Skeese- Pain Provided Profit: A tight and concise project that's a commonly gritty Griselda affair, grimmy and yet soulful and contemplative beats matching Conway and Skeese's ability to be braggadocious and heartfelt at the same time. A solid EP 8.0/10

Logic- College Park: This is Maryland MC Logic's eighth studio LP and this is a quality follow-up to his album Vinyl Days released last year last year was Boom Bap Logic this year is Jazz rap Logic. It's a really really good album, there's a lot of soul-baring about substance abuse and avoiding those pitfalls and ideas of getting more true to who he really was. There's an 8.5-9.0 album in here somewhere but it's watered down by lesser tracks there are seventeen songs here which is just too many but ultimately it's still a solid effort and something long-time Logic fans can get into. 7.5/10

Statik Slektah-Round Trip: The latest LP from Statik Slektah is a dope effort, that has a piano-driven and somewhat jazz-rap sound that features a mixture of 90's legends and younger artists some of which are legends at this point now as well. It's a 20-track project and the first half is where the strongest tracks lie. All are great but the best include "Unpredictable" feat Inspectah Deck, Ghostface Killah, Raekwon and Method Man, "Ain't Too Much Too It" ft Conway, Life & Times ft Joey Bada$$ and "Lion Heart" with Elzhi and Boldy James. The rest is slowed down by lesser guests and beats lacking quality. All in all a good effort particularly for those who love the current crop of underground MCs that have been making noise from 2018 to the present day. 7.5/10

Paramore- This is Why: Paramore is ever-growing, their last LP was a foray into synth-pop and this one is more of a post-punk album. This album is sharp musically a lot of catchy guitar riffs and layers of sounds underneath the mix. Hayley is vocally great she's shifting velocities and tonalities greatly. Lyrically the album is as content rich as any Paramore album. Trying to be considerate of others, and dealing with how sad the news is among other things. It's a tight album, 10 great tracks 8.0/10

7XVETHEGENIUS-The Genius Tape: 7xvethegenius is a solid rapper this project feels like a lyrical exercise for her coming from the Drumwork camp. "Brainstorm" ft Conway the Machine is a highlight, as is the storytelling on "Lost on Mars" and then there's the Rome Streets and Che Noir's "Neck Protected". 7.5/10

Conway The Machine-Won't He Do It: Conway follows up with 2022 essential God Doesn't Make Mistakes with Won't He Do It, an album that's much more versatile production-wise, and features different sounds from the lush "The Chosen" to the piano-laden "Monogram" or the R&B influenced Water to Wine" you actually know what to expect track to track than any Conway The Machine album to this point and I really enjoy that. This album while not having quite the depth and soul searching of the previous album, is more celebratory and features an array of flows and skill sets. He sounds comfortable and effortless on this project. Great work 8.5/10

Killer Mike-Michael: Michael is Killer Mike's sixth LP and really his most personal and forthright album to this point. Backed by a great production that features some gospel/soul influence that feels classically Atlanta. The album tackles issues he dealt with as a youth, from naively poising the community ("Something for The Junikes") to adolescent love mishandled ("Slummer") to the impact of losing his mother and grandma. This album gives you a sense of the good and bad that shaped Killer Mike. I also love the EL-P-assisted "Don't Let the Devil" for a more southern-fried RTJ feel. I appreciate "Two Days" where Mike touches on the prison industrial system and the politics that keep it going. At every turn, Mike is sharp, heartfelt, and thoughtful. The features on the album all come through with good performances from Atlanta pioneers like Ceelo and Andre 3000 to current-day essentials like Young Thug and Future. Michael's an excellent album and a refreshing solo effort aside from the work with EL-P. 9/10

Nas & Hitboy- Magic 2: Nas and Hit-boy continue their run with their fifth album in 3 years and 2nd edition in the Magic series. While the 2021 Magic felt like an exercise in traditionalism, finding Nas rhyming over an updated 90s sound with rhyming up to par with his prime. Magic 2 finds himself more aligned with modern times tracks like "Motion" and "Earvin Magic Johnson" sound more car and club-ready than anything on the original Magic and tracks like "Abracadabra" are more thematically aligned than most of what's on the original Magic. The more thoughtful and introspective tracks tucked in the back of the album are the strongest, "What it Really Means", "Slow it Down" and "Pistols on Your Album Cover" are all great pieces of work. Par for the course at this point. 8.5/10

Meet me @ the Alter- Past//Present//Future: Meet me @ the Alter is a pop-punk band that has been working toward this moment for a while through a series of EPs and singles that showed a band bustling with pop-punk energy and hooks that only come from a strong appreciation for the pop-punk we came upon. Past//Present//Future is the baby of all that hard work. I love the catchy and snarky "Say it to My Face" I also enjoy the chunky distorted guitars on "Try" a song that speaks to pushing through anxiety and going for things anyway. "T.M.I" is my absolute favorite on the project though, I think it's one of the best vocal performances from Edith Victoria, best chorus and overall well-written tunes here. The bass and big chorus on King of Everything make for a really good close to the album. It's a really good/fun project for the band that leaves plenty of room for improvement and expansion musically and lyrically. 7.5/10

Protomartyr-Formal Growth in the Desert: This is the sixth project from Detroit's post-punk band Protomartyr. As customary for a Protomatyr album, you'll get sprawling guitars as well as walls of atmospheric sound. You're gonna get lead vocalist and lyricist Joe Casey's impassioned vocal performances and his great lyrics. "Fun in Hi Skool" is a great song seemingly about the inability to let go of the past to the point where it ruins your present and future. "Let's Tip The Creator" is my favorite on the project, I think it has some of the best guitar playing and drumming. Protomartyr has always been adept at shifting tones and progressing as tracks progress and with Joe Casey's lyrics being thoughtful yet abstract it invites more and more listens. 8.0/10

Dream Wife-Social Lubrication: Dream Wife's third full-length album is much like their previous efforts a place where youthful exuberance meets thoughtful contemplations and some righteous rebellion. There's "Who do you want to be?" A call to mobilization instead of stagnation. The title track speaks to being buttered up and being made to get comfortable with getting screwed over. "Leech" speaks to men, companies people etc who exploit and use women for what they provide. All great tracks. You still get simple tracks punk tracks like "I Want You" or "Orbit" a song about an attraction that almost feels meant to be. Sonically the band switches between straightforward punk to more of a post-punk sound that definitely more beneficial when they're to get a message across. It's their 3rd straight great album in my opinion. 8.0/10

Noname-Sundial: Sundail is the third full album by Chicago rapper Noname. Noname is a rapper who has always been adept at rhyming conscious, poetic but abstract at the same time. She's an artist who wears her culture on her sleeve and cares deeply about the state of it. She's also someone who over time has just gotten better and better at rapping. She's always had a nimble and fluid flow, but this is her least quiet album yet, she's come through with more stronger presence on the mic and more charisma to it. Topically "Hold Me Down" speaks to black people only holding each other down when it's convenient particularly monetarily. "Balloons" on why there was a musical hiatus for Noname in the first place which is the exploitative nature of selling black trauma to voyeuristic white people who are entertained by black trauma. "Beauty Supply" tackles the self-loathing that inherently comes with adapting Eurocentric beauty standards. There's not a turn on this album where Noname has nothing to say. There's very little wasted space on the album. Yet there are lighthearted and fun moments here as well like "Boomboom" or "Toxic". It's a great album that seems sure to reward with more listens. 8.5/10

Nas & Hitboy- Magic 3: Nas completes their amazing run with their third installment in the Magic series Magic 3. To the surprise of no one, It's another great project that features great production and rhymes from Hitboy and Nas. From the production standpoint, Hit-Boy dives more into a soul sample style here a lot of soulful beats and vocals floating in the background of these tracks. Meanwhile, Nas just showcases his skillset, rapping well is a prerequisite for him at this point so it's really about the direction and how the tracks meld together at this point. "I Love This Feeling" track 4 on the project is the first song that I think is steller on the project it has a great soulful almost jazzy sound to it, and Nas is just sharp and speaking to loving the place he's in in life. "Based on True Events pt1" and "pt 2" find Nas getting into his storytelling bag both efforts are vivid. The first one is seemingly a little more personal speaking to doing some personal investigating on a friend's murder and honoring Havoc of Mobb Deep's brother who was murdered. "Pt 2" echo's a song like "Nigga's Bleed' from the late great Notorious B.I.G. "Blue Bently" and "Jodeci Member"are both bangers on the album tracks you could ride in the car too. The album tetters between celebratory and contemplative and Nas is great at both. The lone feature on the project is Lil Wayne who shows out on his verse his flow is fluid and he really rises to the occasion. It's another great effort from Nas & Hitboy and in the end, I think this is an excellent send-off to their run. 8.5/10

Drake- For All The Dogs: Another blockbuster Drake event and similar to the last 3 it's a bloated affair that attempts to please multiple audiences and run up the streaming numbers by any means necessary. The album is 23 tracks long with a runtime of over 84 minutes which from a modern perspective is a long project, one that Drake isn't capable of carrying to greatness. The album thematically leans more R&B and specifically speaks to Drake and his dealing with women. How they do him dirty and how he returns the favor. The best of the R&B include "Slime Me Out" ft SZA which features some of the best vocal work from Drake. "Virginia Beach" sets the tone well and with a nice Trap & B feel. However, most of my favorites on the album are the rap cuts. J.Cole has arguably the best verse on the project with "First Person Shooter". "8 Am in Charlette" finds Drake doing what he does best basically giving you an exact snapshot of where he is in his life, his mindset his mentality, and where he thinks he fits within the game. I enjoy the levity found on "Another Late Night" ft Lil Yachty. However the absolute best track on the album is "Away From Home" a track detailing everything went through to get to the point where he's at, all the rejections and no's he had to endure to get to where he's at in the game. All in all, I think For All The Dogs is a solid effort it's too long and a bit meandering at times. I think some of the R&B is a bit generic at times but I think the highlights make it worthwhile to listen through once to pick out the tracks you like and make a playlist out of those you enjoy. 7.0/10

Earl Sweatshirt & Alchemist-Voir: Earl's interesting because he's a really good/great rapper who's grown from more of a wordy abstract rapper who would impress with dense dexterous rhyme patterns. He's still that way but much more direct, maybe more monotone and monotonous than he ever used to be. You can't care about charisma, or wide-ranging vocal dynamics if you're going to be into Earl Sweatshirt. It can often feel as though Earls just rambling over these beats. However, he's still nice and stern on these soulful and beautiful beats from Alchemist. Earl has a way of still being heartfelt and vulnerable there's a weariness and soul-searching nature to him on these tracks. I love the bright synths on "Heat Check" and the soul samples that come in on that track. The guitar-laden "27 Braids" is a highlight of the project. "Mac Deuce" is my favorite on the project though Alchemist's fluttering swirling beat sounds great under Earl's vocal. There are two tracks with Vince Staples on the project but neither disappoints with "The Celiphant" being the best of the two. 7.5/10

Westside Gunn-And Then You Pray For Me: And Then You Pray For Me is essentially a sequel to Westside Gunn's most acclaimed effort and Pray for Paris a nearly perfect representation of East Coast underground hip-hop circa 2020. And Then You Pray For Me, finds Westside staying close to roots while also itching to expand his sound outward. Much like Westside's taste for traditional East Coast boom bap and blending that with elegance and opulence, he has a taste for classic trap music, done in the mid-00s by artists like Jeezy, T.I., and Ross. "Kostas' is Griselda trap featuring the big three in Benny The Butcher, Conway The Machine, and Westside Gunn himself and they sound right at home on the beat the track is meant to play in your ride at high volume. The album goes back right into some menacing hard East Coast sounds with "Suicide in Selfridges" the "Eurostep" of this project. "Kitchen Lights" ft Stove God is in my opinion probably the best track on the project it has the best production, love the lush strings on here as Westside paints the picture of his background as Stove romantizes cooking up the work under kitchen lights. There's something about Stove's serious yet somehow unhinged tone when singing that makes this track. "Disgusting" is dark and menacing and speaks to Westside's ethos "Yeah a ngga from the hood but a ngga bougie though". It's another banger on the album with trap percussion that sounds like it'll sound nice in your ride. Then he turns back to that standard gritty sound with "Babylon Bis" ft Stove God Cooks, They're both strong on here but Stove just shows why his album is so anticipated in the underground. On this album, I think Westside finds a way to bring a trap sound in and still blend it into Griselda's world. It's 21 tracks long though which means there more variance in quality here than your average Westside project. Still, I think it's a strong project. 8.0/10

City Girls-RAW: City Girls are back with their 4th project in RAW. This isn't as good as their 2020 album City on Lock. That album had more energy from track to track, still "No Bars" is among the best on the project which features some of the best of the project. I wish JT would just go solo, she can rap and I'm more curious and what she has to say lyrically. "Fancy Ass B*tch" is another highlight of the project it has some of the best production on here. "Flashy" is a solid pop-rap tune. Outside of that, almost everything is formulaic and a couple tracks are awful due to blatant sampling and straight-beat jacking. The City Girls have something but it just doesn't feel like they're progressing musically and it doesn't even feel like they're on the same page at times. 6.5/10

Reason- Porches: Reason is a good artist, I really enjoyed his 2018 album There You Have It, Then he dropped New Beginnings, and that one actually escaped me. Reason's new album speaks to coming from the ghetto and the good and bad that comes from that. It's a great album that finds Reason telling stories of homies that are good and have a lot to lose getting off track due to the street element on "A Broken Winter Break". He touches on generational curses as well as the same friend who was watching the older brother repeat some of his same actions later on on "Bussin". Love the flow pattern on "Too Much" as he gets introspective about how he came from the bottom but how still deals with issues even though he's seen "success". He's basically saying I'm not a superhero I go through issues too. On the fun side "At it Again' is my favorite song with some bounce on it, a great track to ride too. On "Gang sh*t" Reason touches on how people feel as though you switch up when you made it but when the really only thing that has changed is them. The album could've been a lot sharper at 12 or 13 songs but at 17 it feels like it drags a bit but that's how things go with hip-hop albums these days. Still, this was a great project from Reason. 8/10.

Lil Wayne & 2Chainz-Welcome 2 Collegrove: Lil Wayne & 2Chainz's first collaborative effort Collegrove while solid didn't really grab my attention when released, Wayne's career was somewhat in a lull and I wasn't the biggest 2Chainz fan. On Welcome 2 Collegrove things are much different Lil Wayne feels like he's getting into a 2nd prime and 2Chainz is a really quality MC at this point. This album also feels more highly produced and organized with varying sounds. "Big Diamonds ft 21 Savage has that classic cash money/New Orleans sound produced by none other than the great Mannie Fresh. It felt good to hear Wayne go back to his roots on that sound. There's the bounce and whistling sound of "Presha" on which Wayne showcases his great flow. "P.P.A" has a great jazzy sound, and has a lush sound as 2Chainz, Wayne, and, Fabulous wax poetic about women's genitalia. Wayne once again has the best verse on this one. "Oprah & Gayle" ft Benny The Butcher is sharp again the production is strong, everyone is great but Wayne dominates this one again. "Shame" is fun because they take on a Wu-Tang-influenced track produced by Havoc where they reference to being like Rae & Ghost. The Havoc-produced "Bars" is excellent as well. "Can't Believe You" has a beautiful opulent sound where Wayne is the MVP as well. Wayne is the MVP of the album. He's competitive, his flow is nimble, and his wit is on point. The sequencing is on point as well. Great album. 8/10

Kamaiyah- Another Good Night: A Good Night in the Ghetto(2016) is truly the principal project for Kamaiyah and one where she showcased her penchant for hooks, melody, and, an around-the-way arura on 90's flavored West Coast production(highly recommended). While this tape is similar in aesthetic. The quality of the tape is about 2 or 3 notches below what that project was. The best track was the first track "Raining Game in California" It has a catchy hook and Jay Worthy is strong. "Take a Sip" repurposes "Out The Bottle" and is a track worthy of being on the album. After that there are really a lot of middling Kamaiyah tracks with a lot of them being no longer than 2 minutes long barely long enough to establish a vibe and leave. It's a fun lil project still but I found her EP Still Lit released late last year to be better not to mention 2020's Got it Made. 6.5/10

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary171

3/3-4/2024

sunday - monday

a nice day off i guess.

back 2 feeling bad tomorrow though. not that bad though. the next 2 days are just 3 hour shifts, but after that,,,, 2 more days off, and then 2 more 7.5 hour shifts. isn't that sooo cooooool.

i know people live like that normally but really they should not i think. it is not good for people.

anyway, today i've mostly been mixing this one song, since i'm not going in early tomorrow, i'm gonna be able to record vocals probably tomorrow, so i'm thinking i'm gonna do that for this song, replacement vocals for parts/because i disliked some lyrics. and then maybe some more stuff re: vocals on other songs. whatever i need to do to get things done, and if it's stuff that's like, simple, as in, going in and re-recording, that'll be good.

i should get a list of songs i need to re-record together, for vocals, and songs that need new lyrics. huhmmmmmmmm. i don't want to make it tedious though. but i guess it just might end up that way... frustrating and sad and a whole lot of other things. idk. it's just hard to get practiced rn. my gf and i are like home at the same times mostly. i just need time to myself to like, practice i feel like. but i don't really want her to go when i'm off work or whatever.

testing some stuff out to get these vocals to sound right, the parts/bones i do like/ need to help guide me, i think.

one idea was less distortion, i always do a bit too much, and then another was i forgot on the master fx, the weird high pass filters on psp infinistrip's compressors. i know what they do now, better, they just make the songs i'm making sound better when i push them up higher, i think. so i'm doing that.

i did take a long break at around 11 pm where i played elden ring some, i fought some random bosses, stuff like that, i found a cute chest piece to wear. that is one criticism i have of the game, not enough pretty/cute armor, dark souls had so much, demon's souls was very cool looking imo, ds3 was also good, ds2 was weird but good ultimately. elden ring lacks in that department, i think. very strange.

i also just need to buy a new mouse soon, this one is double clicking by accident/malfunction, super annoying.

another thing, i want to do some stuff to that horse thing i did yesterday, i had an idea for things to draw over top of it/modify it with gut-y things. it could be good, for something, idk what though.

since i am sleepy, i'll cut this one short i guess, a final bit of thinking though, re: today

i was thinking about like, why i like music w/ screaming in it, in the shower today, and about how it reminds me of this noise in my head sometimes, it's not like, coming from anger, it's like a violent and incoherent thought, not violent outwardly, but its happening, it is an eruption of some sort, it is a straight line, or like, an epiphany, a gust of wind from where but leading me elsewhere, it is gravity, it gives me something but its utterances can't really be expressed. this is all to say, it's inarticulate to the point of articulating something, it used to appear a lot more, when i was a lot more unwell i guess, it was like screaming and also the scraping of a machine, it didn't crowd out the ability to think though, it was concurrent with my internal voice, it was a phenomenon, i lived beside it, or it lived through me, idk. i hope it doesn't sound deluded to say it articulated something in its incoherence, because i don't think it articulated anything meaningful on the level of like, what i am, you know. it gave me very little except a feeling, it revealed itself as a feeling speaking totally, its own voice, i guess, cleaved from the semantic structures i live by typically, another voice speaking wrong, i guess the gnashing of the teeth, an abjection appearing inside me, or maybe the waste produced in thought reached out and shook me. that is what it seems like now. it is a theoretical thing, almost, spurred on by difficult circumstance in my life. music like orchid or powerviolence or anything else really excessive along similar lines speaks that same sort of position i think, or it at least seems to emerge from there. not necessarily rage or whatever, it doesn't have to be angry, it is just brittle and coming apart. i was thinking of this beside why my girlfriend doesn't seem to always like that stuff, and i think it's more that to her, it recalls being screamed at, rather than a wall of noise that can be pointed outward (recalling cybernetic hypothesis' idea of a zone of offensive haze now), or used to shroud oneself. this is a difference of experience but not desire, since we want that same thing, but we imagine it differently.

this is what makes us a good couple, i think.

currently waiting for this final export now. i am so actually almost painfully tired i feel like.

okay... that was not the final one, but maybe this will be.. ihope.

i think i will just have to figure this one out tomorrow, but it's getting there, i think the instrumental is sitting at the right volume but idk what's up with the vocal mix. maybe too many scooped mids? idk. a weird sound overall. maybe it has to do w/ the not distorted low end? i can try fooling w/ that tomorrow as well.

anyway, i need to sleep now so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[thesinglesjukebox]

JUNGELI FT. IMEN ES, ALONZO, ABOU DEBEING & LOSSA - "PETIT GÉNIE"

Unlike our past two songs, no relation to murder...

[6.69]

Nortey Dowuona: "C'est pas avec amour qu'on achète vêtements." It's a very cutting lyric once I found a translation of it ("It's not with love that we buy clothes"), and it's true. Jungeli, as a singer and as a presence (in the video at least), is a sweet, light-hearted kid who radiates joy in any room he enters. His voice is light and silken, and threads through the song even when he's not leading a verse. But it doesn't have gravity or weight, so everything he sings floats, including a Lingala verse close to the end of the track. His interplay with Abou Debeing, who also has a light tenor with a bit of bass, allows for a comfortable hand-off between the two. The lilting guitar melody that Jungeli mimics is light as well: it sidewinds through the drum pattern built by DJ Wills, who's produced for the likes of MHD, Bramsito, and Alrima. Imen Es brings a weightier heft to the chorus when she sings it. Her voice is the highest on the track but feels substantial and firm, a comfortable interpretation of the notes placed in the front of the mix. Lossa's deeper tenor can't do the same, simply dragging as the echoes placed below him fill the track to an uncomfortable and unengaging degree. (Imen Es's return is a blessing.) Alonzo has the deepest voice, the sharpest and most distinct flow, but it's such a short, sharp shock that Jungeli's looping verse lulls you back out of the abrupt switch in intensity. "Petit Génie" is so short that you think there's nothing more there for you, it won't put a career on Jungeli's back. But you listen again. And again. And once more. It's still at #1 — he deserves it.  [8]

Mark Sinker: Such voices. Everyone in the room seems to be making a gently scuffed, breathily perfect pop noise, high or low — but honestly I wonder if Imen Es hasn’t the most beautiful delivery I’ve ever heard, with a kind of folded shiver in it. I hurried off to hear what else she’s recorded — an LP last year called Train de vie – but I came back again, because I think this company is bringing out the best in her.  [10]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: That first warbled vocal sounds like something you’d hear in a Burial track. And really, this is a song about the pleasure of hearing vocals. Each new singer enters the track to revitalize. Best of all is Imen Es; she sounds like water, so pure and clear. [6]

Kat Stevens: It always amazes me when people release summer jams in winter. I can imagine Jungeli is hoping to get this track established well before the Paris Olympics to ensure some tasty beach volleyball montage royalties, but unfortunately it's way too late for a rhythmic gymnastics routine (that shiz needs at least a year of prep). The highlight is Imen Es piercing through the breezy beats like a territorial blackbird — a perfect accompaniment for a fluttering ribbon. Maybe LA 2028? [7]

Kayla Beardslee: “Petit Génie” mixes the frantic whistles and percussion stutters of gqom with sunny guitar and relaxed vocals that feel much more Afrobeats — but it’s all in French, with features from various hip-hop artists (and R&B singer Imen Es, who absolutely eats the men up). The result is pleasant, though the mix of influences feels less like stitching together a tapestry and more like throwing it all in a blender. [6]

Katherine St. Asaph: Groove is OK, but every vocalist here is about 66% as good as they needed to be. [5]

Taylor Alatorre: Am I wrong for thinking that this sounds like a Francophone nightcore remix of "Am I Wrong"? And am I wrong for thinking Nico & Vinz deserve a better one? [3]

Jessica Doyle: If I squint I can see something interesting in the tension between the stated text, pointedly superficial and unsentimental, and the musical atmosphere of friends hanging out and taking turns. I can see why this got popular: it provides a nice backdrop for an outdoor party. But I’m alone right now, so: [4]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: I really do love posse cuts. "Petit Génie" serves as a helpful reminder of their benefits – take a collection of middling hooks and verses, staple them together over a pretty but anonymous beat, and achieve something much greater than the sum of its parts. [7]

Thomas Inskeep: A lovely, breezy blend of Afrobeats, hip-hop and R&B, the epitome of ear candy. [7]

Ian Mathers: My French is nowhere near fluent (or remembered; it's been years) enough to keep up with all the different speakers and accents here, but there's a lightness of touch and group-level joy that comes through here, whatever the text actually is. Posse cuts like this can suffer from a lack of consistent quality on the one hand (cf. how annoying I found ArrDee on "Body (Remix)") and not having distinctive enough personalities on the other, but "Petit Génie" doesn't break a sweat threading that particular needle. [7]

Isabel Cole: Feels bigger than it is, in a good way — a sense of richness, lushness even, achieved not through maximalism but through the careful deployment of each component part. I was surprised when I looked at the length by how short it was, also in a good way, as if the song had created such a complete sonic world that time ran differently there. I like how each vocalist brings a slightly different emotional shading, even when they’re singing the same melody. [9]

Leah Isobel: Damn, life is pain. [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[tigirl-and-co]

13 songs I’m listening to

I was tagged by @apple-ships to reveal my atrocious music taste :3 buckle uppppp

My Crush was a Monster Boy’ - Gumi/(the name of the artist is listed in Japanese so i have no idea)

‘Slaying the Dreamer’ - Nightwish (and like a bunch of other Nightwish songs haha)

‘Bad Apple (metal ver.)’ - richaadEB and Christina Vee

‘Movin’ Right Along’ - Kermit/Fozzie (from the Muppet Movie)

‘Baby Shoes’ - Bad Books

‘SING’ - My Chemical Romance (and a bunch of other mcr songs I tend to binge em)

‘Jackass in a Can’ - Galavant

‘First Day of my Life’ - Bright Eyes

‘Drops of Jupiter’ - Train 

‘Little Lion Man’ - Mumford and Sons

‘Cult of Dionysus’ -The Orion Experience

‘Addict (metal cover)’ - Jonathan Young and Christina Vee

‘Doom Crossing: Eternal Horizons’ - The Chalkeaters

and I could go ON, I’ve also been listening to the Oh Hellos and a few folk songs, especially ‘For an Old Kentucky Anarchist’ and junk lmao. I’m trash idk what you’d like me to say

Thank you so much for the tag!!!! I appreciate it <33333

I’ll tag... @talesfromthenorsesmouth @thatgirlwiththeglasses13 @mister-misfit-and-his-internet @moron-selfshipper and @thesugariestbee

[cat3ch1sm]

not to be a como se dice L whore but….hear me out. task force based on how he acts does not think L gets bitches nor wants bitches. one day they come in and hear ✨noises✨ and a few minutes later L comes down completely nonchalant and then i dunno girlfriend comes down (they notice a certain pendant around her neck) just for like two seconds to steal his pastries then go back upstairs to the living abode and the task force is like 😀. as you can see here i can’t write for shit and i will literally pay if needed to see my thoughts come to life by you. now do i only have $6 to my name…maybe [bonus points if we get a quick lil cut scene of L just being a monster pussy eater]

🌱| LMFAOAOA bestie im broke too😭😭 no need to pay me all reqs r free<33 idk how good this is lol i will let u decide ಠ_ಠ

🐢| ANYWAYS let's get into the story because this request is a rollercoaster😭😭 idk if this was supposed to b x reader or not but i made it x reader bc it's what i usually write anyway lol, enjoy!!

"Aw, man, I'm so sleepyyy!" Matsuda whined, eyelids drooping and gait sluggish as he trudged through the doors into the task force headquarters. "I wish L wouldn't insist we come here at four in the morning... and getting through the security is always such a process. I hope our rooms are ready soon so we don't have to come all the way from home to out here..."

Aizawa, trailing just behind Matsuda, was a little less vocal about his lethargy, but it was clear he was tired as well. "Well, the Kira investigation isn't to be taken lightly- we need all the time we can get," he stated firmly. "But to be honest, it would be nice to get a little more sleep- we don't get home until midnight, and then we have to get up and come right back four hours later."

"I'm sure our rooms will be ready at some point, and we won't lose so much sleep then. But that isn't what's important right now," Light reminded the men in an authoritative tone.

"My son is right. It may be draining, but this isn't something to be taken lightly. A few hours less of sleep isn't anything compared to the thousands of deaths that are still occurring," Soichiro asserted, moving past all of the other men and placing his briefcase down on the ground beside the swivel chair where L usually sat. Suddenly noticing its emptiness, he straightened up, looking around the room. "Ryuzaki isn't here?"

"Maybe he's asleep," Matsuda griped, "like we should be." Groggily, he went up to the chair and dropped down onto it, letting his whole body slouch as he shut his eyes.

Light glanced at Matsuda wearily. "Don't be ridiculous, Matsuda- Ryuzaki never sleeps. But I've really never seen him outside of this room, either... where could he be?"

The group's thoughts were interrupted when a very faint sound emitted from upstairs- so faint they almost missed it.

"Hey- maybe that's Ryuzaki now," Aizawa suggested, setting his own things down beside Soichiro's and moving toward the staircase to greet the detective.

But as the noises grew louder, it became increasingly apparent that they were not at all footsteps- and they grew more and more frequent and continued to increase in volume until the men downstairs were finally able to make out just what they were.

Sticky, clear liquid was spurting all over your thighs as they trembled, L's nose still buried in your sopping heat as he relentlessly licked your swollen clit, his warm tongue running rapidly over your soaking folds and tracing your entrance teasingly. Whimpering as you orgasmed violently, spraying your cum all over L's lips and hands, you made an attempt to close your legs, face burning as you drenched the man beneath you in your juices. However, your efforts were futile as L held your legs open, his grip like steel, and you were only met with a monotone "Stay still" as you struggled to keep your moans from getting too loud. You gripped the sides of the chair you were sitting on as roughly as you could, needing to focus on something, anything else but the consuming ecstasy exploding within your body. L's eyes lifted to meet yours, his pink tongue visible to you as you watched him continue to eat you out despite this being your second orgasm in the past twenty minutes. L had allowed you absolutely no recovery time after you first came, and now here you were, squirting like mad and almost in tears from your overstimulation.

"Ryu- Ryuzaki, there a-are people downstairs," you managed in between shaky moans, breathing ragged and chest heaving. "Don't you have w-ork- work to do?"

"Don't try and distract me, Y/N," L replied, swirling his tongue around your throbbing clit and making you cry out. "I'll be finished as soon as you're done messing up my hair." To emphasize, he removed his hand from your trembling thigh and twirled a strand of dark, damp hair in between his fingers, humiliating you more and making you drop your eyes, flustered.

Still, cum continued to drip from your entrance, your sex pulsating as you tried to bring your high down, wrenching your hips in the chair as his tongue tormented your already aching pussy. "L- L, please, I can't- I'm done, I pro-promise."

L lifted a brow at you. "Oh- you're done? Then what's this?" Without warning, he plunged a slender finger into you to point out the liquid still spilling out, and all you could manage was a strangled groan, your back arching. "Be patient... 'kay?"

Downstairs, the room had been silent for a while- disbelieving of what they'd just heard upstairs. Finally, his eyes narrowed into suspicious slits, Light demanded, "What the- hell?"

There was no response from the other three men. Matsuda now seemed fully awake, sitting at attention in his chair with his eyes wide. Soichiro had his head in his hand, his eyes closed in exasperation. Aizawa simply stood idle, shell-shocked. Everyone was silent, completely stunned.

The room was still frozen when the absent detective finally dragged himself down the stairs, hands in his jeans pockets and barefoot as usual. Nothing of the incident with you remained, his clothes, face, and hair as clean as they usually were. Not acknowledging the bewildered stares of the task force members that followed him to where he sat down, he cleared his throat and turned to face the men in the room. "Hello, everyone. There is much to be done- shall we begin?"

It was just after that greeting that more footsteps sounded on the stairs- but when the men all looked up again, still jilted from the prior incident, it was not someone they recognized. It was you, also having cleaned up, and nothing of the occurrence minutes prior remained in your physical appearance nor the way you carried yourself. Casually and as if you knew them, you nodded at the task force men as you passed by them, L not turning to greet you. You felt their eyes seem to zoom in on you when you made no attempt to hide the pendant around your neck- the single charm being L's signature initial inscribed in gothic font.

None of the men visibly returned your greeting, but you brushed it off, simply approaching L and leaning over his hunched-over body to pluck two miniature cupcakes from the arsenal of desserts he had laying across the surface of his desk. Your sweets acquired, you lifted your arm slightly in a small wave before disappearing back up the stairs.

L, although covertly, glanced up towards you and watched you vanish before turning back to his work.

[hopespeak-hs-hostclub]

may i request hajime destroying readers insides for flirting with other guys afab reader with she/her pronouns?

I LOVE JEALOUS HAJIME. Ofc, let’s go! I hope you like it 🙈I had fun writing it! Sorry it took me a little longer than I’d have liked!!!

Hajime Jealous Afab Reader

18+ ONLY. DO NOT READ IF UNDER 18!!!!! NSFW: story under cut

TW:// NSFW, jealousy, over stimulation, mentions of drinking

Word Count:// 2,262

You were so excited for Hajime to come home so you could show him your outfit. You’d finally gotten the new clothes you ordered in the mail, and one outfit in particular made you feel so hot. You’d done your makeup all dramatic to match, and even did your hair all nice, knowing your boyfriend should be on his way home from work by now. You planned on showing him the new outfit and taking him out to a bar to dance, drink, and have a good time.

So when Hajime walked through the door and barely even looked at you, you were obviously upset. “Hajime..” you whispered as you stood behind him, while he was walking into the kitchen.

He sighed heavily and turned around to face you. “Yes?” He asked plainly. He didn’t seem to be very interested, almost like he didn’t even care.

“I … I was just asking if you liked my new outfit… I was hoping maybe we could go to the bar and have a fun night…” you said, feeling and sounding let down.

“Oh yea, you look fine.” Hajime said only answering the first part of your statement, and not really seeming as excited about your outfit as you’d hoped.

“Just… fine?” You asked suddenly getting a little angry. Hajime just nodded and turned back around, opening the fridge. “Wow..” you said in disbelief. “So I get all dressed up and sexy for you so we could have a nice night out, and all you do is say I look ‘fine’?” You started going off not even giving him a chance to respond. “Well fuck it Hajime. I’m going to the bar without you. I’ll have a good night by myself.” You said as you quickly grabbed your purse and keys, heading outside, leaving Hajime standing in the kitchen dumbfounded.

‘What the fuck did I do?’ Hajime thought to himself. He’d had a really stressful day at work, and now he gets home and all you want to do is argue with him? Hajime sighs heavily and slams the fridge door shut, not even grabbing the drink he wanted and storms upstairs, immediately taking off all his clothes, showering up, and changing into a nicer outfit. He then hopped into his car, and started to drive to the nearest bar which was about 15 minutes from your shared apartment.

At the bar, you ordered 3 shots for yourself. And once you downed those you were feeling confident as ever. ‘Fuck Hajime. He doesn’t appreciate me. I look fantastic tonight and he didn’t even care. But somebody will.’ You thought to yourself while scanning the room. You immediately saw an incredibly attractive man sitting by himself. ‘Not nearly attractive as Hajime, but who is?’ You thought in your head. You took a deep breathe, stood up from your seat, and smoothly glided across the bar to the seat across from the man who currently had all your attention.

“Hi- I’m Y/N.” You said in a flirty tone while smiling at him.

“Well, hello there Y/N.” He said while smirking back at you. “You look absolutely fucking stunning tonight you know?” The stranger went on. “Like god damn, that shirt? You look phenomenal!” He made your whole face blush bright red.

You decided to slide a little closer to him and asked him, “So what’s a big handsome guy like yourself doing out here all alone tonight?” You asked, twirling your hair.

As you continued to flirt with your mystery bar toy, Hajime snuck in without you noticing. He began scanning the room to find you, and almost immediately spotted you. And a guy staring down your shirt? ‘Oh fuck no’ Hajime stopped thinking completely. He took a few big strides over towards your direction and forcefully grabbed your hand. “Hey, babe,” he said while staring daggers at the other guy.

“H-Hajime..” you said staring at him.

“Who’s your friend?” Hajime asked still not taking his eyes off the guy.

“I- .. don’t know,” you confessed. “It wasn’t anything serious. He was just being friendly Hajime-“ you started to explain. The guy across from you just sat there mouth slightly agape staring at the awkward situation unfold in front of him.

Hajime tugged your arm up, and you stood up with it, staring at him. “Let’s go home, Y/N,” Hajime said holding you close by his side.

Hajime drove you home even though your car was still at the bar. He knew you’d been drinking and even if he was currently upset, he’s be devastated if you got hurt, or if you hurt somebody else. The drive home was only 15 minutes, but it felt like an eternity. Hajime didn’t say a single word to you the entire drive, and had the radio off. It was a deafening silence. One you’d pulled up to your building, Hajime wasted no time turning the car off and storming into the building, and once in your apartment, you followed him into the bedroom.

“Sit.” Hajime demanded, pointing at the edge of your bed, while standing across from it.

You sat down where he pointed and looked up at him.

“Explain.” Hajime said sharply.

“Hajime- I dressed up so cute, and so happy and confident and I was so excited for you to come home and tell me how sexy I was and I was hoping you’d be excited to take me out and show me off, but you didn’t care. But that guy said I looked pretty. He actually noticed that I put in effort….” You blurted out all at once.

“So you think I didn’t care?” Hajime snapped back. “I couldn’t have had a bad day at work, or needed 5 minutes to myself? And then you went and snuck around my back flirting with the first man who gives you any attention?” Hajime sounded angry. He didn’t even give you a second to answer him when he started speaking again. “No. Fuck that. Fuck all of that. You’re mine.” He smirked suddenly and took a few steps towards you, pushing you backwards onto the bed. “All. Mine.” He said seductively as he took his shirt off. “And I’m going to prove that to you right now, okay?” You nodded slightly staring into the eyes that are now directly above yours. “Use your words, y/n.”

“Y-yes Hajime,” you stammered out shocked. Hajime almost never takes charge like this- but god were you excited.

Hajime began kissing your neck, up and down, and all over until he heard you gasp softly. When he heard that gasp he started kissing, and sucking, and biting on that spot trying to get you to be more vocal. You moaned very softly, trying not to make any noise, which was good enough for your boyfriend, who moved his lips up to yours. He continued on to kiss you oh so softly, making you practically melt into the mattress you were laying in the middle of, until he suddenly bit your lip, causing you to open it just enough for him to slip his tongue into your open mouth. You moaned out softly into his mouth, much louder than you’d anticipated. Hajime then pulled away from you, so he hovered above you. “Shirt,” he only said that one word and you immediately sat up and threw your new top onto the floor. Noticing that you weren’t in a bra immediately, Hajime’s hands instantly started grabbing and playing with your breasts. And then his mouth.

“Hajime-“ you breathed out softly, followed by a few soft moans. “Mm… I love you…”

Hajime stopped playing with you and look at you. “Is that why you flirt with strangers?” He asked, not waiting for an answering before moving his hand down to your thighs, slowly moving his fingers up your little skirt. You took a deep breath and shut your eyes tight.

“Now, here’s what’s going to happen, y/n,” Hajime whispered against your ear in a low sultry voice. “I’m going to destroy your insides, and prove that you’re all mine. Got it?” Hajime pulled his face away from yours and looked at you, awaiting an answer from you this time.

“Yes Hajime,” you whimpered back. And at that, he wasted zero time. Slowly, he moved his long slender fingers to push your panties to the side, and sliding another up and down your already soaking wet slit. Your breathing quickly sped up, and got much heavier. He continued to tease you for a few moments until you moaned out loud. “F-fuck..” you threw your head back and pushed your hips up towards his fingers, begging for more contact. Hajime happily obliged, and slowly put his long index finger inside of you, curling it once it was all the way in. “Holy shit…” you gasped excitedly.

“What, do you like that?” Hajime inquired with a smug look across his face, as he continued to fuck you slowly with his index finger. You nodded frantically, but to your dismay, he stopped moving his finger completely and pulled it out, looking at you. “Use your words, Princess,” Hajime ordered you.

“Y-yes Hajime, I love it so much, please keep going..” you were practically crying waiting for him to fuck you with his finger again. But when he reentered you, this time he used two fingers. “Mm, fuck..” you moaned out as you grabbed the back of hajime’s hair, pulling him in to kiss him. He kissed back, as he continued to finger fuck you for a little while longer. Then he curled his fingers again and you couldn’t contain yourself. “FUCK!” You screamed thrusting your hips up trying to get him to go deeper. “Hajime please, I- hhhhhng- I need you. I need more of - ahh- you. Please Hajime please,” you rambled on in between moans and groans.

“Are you sure you want more?” Hajime teased you, while slowly taking fingers out and slamming them back into you.

“Holy fuck- ahhh- yes please Hajime please please I’m begging you.”

Hajime instantly pulled his fingers out and threw his jeans and boxers off in the blink of an eye. He was already rock hard despite you not having touched him at all tonight. You could feel yourself getting wetter by the second, just staring at him glistening above you.

“H-Hajime please…” you begged, spreading your legs open for him. “Please…” you started to continue to beg for him, until without warning, he shoved himself inside you. “FUCK!” You screamed out loudly.

Hajime didn’t start slowly- he immediately picked up his pace and he quickly began bottoming you out.

“H- oh. Ahh…haaa…” you moaned through deep breathes. You grabbed onto Hajime’s back and dug your nails into it, receiving a loud hiss from his mouth, resulting in you getting fucked with even more force behind each thrust. You started to move your hips in the same rhythm as Hajime’s, while moving your head up ever so slightly so you could sloppily kiss him. He didn’t notice your head come up to meet his though, so you started to kiss his neck to gain his attention. For just a moment, Hajime’s pace slowed down and got a little bit sloppier while you sucked and bit on his neck, leaving several bright purple marks on him. Hajime pulled his neck away from yours, and pinned your arms above your head, and stared to makeup out with you. He had significantly slowed down his pace, but continued to bottom out the entire time, making you cry out in pleasure with each and every thrust.

“Hajime- ahhh.. I love you..” you cried out in pure bliss. You could feel his huge dick hitting you deep inside. It felt like he was completely moving around all your insides, and just wrecking you. At this point you try to cry out to him, but you can’t even form words. You start drooling and whimpering incoherently with each and every deep hard thrust. You can feel your orgasm creep up on you quickly, and you try to warn Hajime, but you unfortunately can’t make any words come out. Instead, you wrap your legs around his waist as tightly as you can, as you feel yourself tighten around Hajime. Your eyes shut so tight, that all you could see were swirls of light in your eyes. The tip of his dick hits your g-spot one last time, and you felt the pure ecstasy rush from the tips of your toes, all the way through your body as you came hard around Hajime. You were an incoherent mess of moans, screams, and cries.

“Oh, fuck-!” Hajime stuttered out as he messily slammed himself into you a few more times, before losing control of himself and finishing deep inside of you. As his thick warm cum filled you up, he continued to make slow deep thrusts until he was finished, proceeding to collapse onto the bed right next to you. He rolled over and looked you in the eyes as he caressed your cheek in the palm of his hand, and whispered, “I love you, y/n. I always have and will. And I’m sorry I didn’t give you the attention you wanted. But don’t you dare flirt with another man, ever again.” Hajime teased, before kissing the tip of your nose and pulling you close.

“I… I l-love you t..too,” you stammered, still out of breath and searching for words. “Sorry..” you mumbled as you curled up onto his chest, holding him close to you, until you fell asleep in his arms.

[nugnthopkns]

dance me to the end of love (v)

word count: 4.6k

warnings: fem!oc, cursing, alcohol consumption, mentions of poor parenting and damaged familial relationships

series masterpost: here

a/n: and just like that we're halfway through!!! it's crazy to think about it. however, lots happens in this chapter so buckle up peeps

Soon Magdalene’s feelings are going to get the better of her.

She knows she’s heading down a dangerous path but she can’t help it. Ryan is like a drug she can’t get enough of even though she knows it will hurt her in the long run. Living with him has opened her up to the laid back, intelligent, incredibly funny man he is and Magdalene doesn’t know how she’s ever going to function in her own space ever again. They complement each other like two peas in a pod, and everyone else is starting to catch on to the shift in their relationship.

“When are you going to fess up to Ryan about your feelings?” Bette asks as the two of them sit on the lawn across from the university library. It’s mid October, but the weather is still warm enough that Magdalene eats her lunch outside. Her best friend decided to join her today, no doubt knowing that she’s feeling a little lonely. The Avalanche are in the middle of their season opening road trip and have been gone for nearly five days. Ryan’s condo feels empty without him in it, and Magdalene misses him an unfathomable amount.

“Never, if I can help it,” she replies casually, taking a bite of the turkey wrap that Bette brought her from Barn Owl.

The blonde scoffs. “Fuck off. You have to. What are you going to do when he gets back from Florida and you tackle him as soon as he steps through the door.”

“Caligula will get there first,” Magdalene shrugs. “Those two are thick as thieves.”

Truthfully, Magdalene wasn’t sure what she was going to do. This is the longest they’ve been separated since she moved in and it’s proving to be a harder adjustment than she thought. Magdalene feels a little silly missing him so much – she went nearly twenty-six years without knowing Ryan but now he’s imprinted on her soul for the rest of eternity. Living without him seems impossible.

Bette drops the conversation then, almost as if she knows Magdalene is in her own world thinking about what to do. She mentions the upcoming home opener and her plans to attend with a couple of the other wives and girlfriends. “We’re going out beforehand and you should join us! I really think you’d like most of them.”

The bell in the clock tower rings, signalling the start of another hour, and Magdalene promises she’ll consider the offer as they pack up the picnic and say goodbye. It’s a short walk back to the building she works in, seeing as they were only across the street, but it takes a while for the elevator to come around. Magdalene could have taken the stairs down to the basement but they scare her a lot more than she’d like to admit. Hopefully June won’t mind her being a few minutes late.

Her boss doesn’t look too pleased when Magdalene strolls through the door almost seven minutes later then she should have, but as soon as she tosses the cookie Bette brought her in June’s direction all is forgiven. They work in near silence all afternoon, background noise provided by the small stereo in the corner and their respective grunts of frustration when an image doesn’t digitize properly. The university has finally decided to undertake the massive project of making all their school records available to the public online, and Magdalene and June are in charge of getting all the files ready before sending them to IT for installation into the website. It’s a huge task and is going to take them the better part of a month and a half to finish. Magdalene spends the rest of her work day finishing up a box of graduation records from the 1870s and leaves smelling of very old paper.

On the drive home she considers the invitation Bette extended to her. Magdalene knows she’ll be attending the game, having promised Ryan before he left that she’d be there, but she doesn’t know how to feel about going out for dinner and drink beforehand – especially with people so involved with the team. She isn’t like them, in nearly every sense of the phrase, and doesn’t want people to get the wrong idea. It wouldn’t be fair to Ryan for people to assume they’re together in case he ever does want to bring someone around, but Magdalene can’t help thinking that the speculation wouldn’t hurt. Perhaps it would be the clue that shows him how she feels.

The invite stays in the back of her brain while she heats up leftovers and eats quickly, knowing that Ryan will call soon. He’s like clockwork with his precise game day routine, and he always calls shortly after four o’clock when out east. Magdalene’s phone buzzes from the spot beside her on the couch and she quickly scoops it up and accepts the call.

“Hey,” she says, a little breathless because she’s so excited to talk to him.

“Hey yourself. How was work?” Magdalene can tell Ryan’s got a smile on his face even though she can’t see him. She indulges the question, telling him all about the stuff she digitized and what’s next. Though she always tries to get out of talking about work, fearing it will bore the daylights out of him, Ryan insists on hearing every detail Magdalene wants to share. He finds it all fascinating and tells her so every chance he gets. During her monologue Caligula wanders over and becomes extremely invested after he hears Ryan laugh at something Magdalene said. The small white cat jumps onto Magdalene’s lap and tries to paw the phone away from her ear.

“Hold on, I’m putting you on speaker. Little boots would like to talk.”

At the sound of Ryan’s greeting, Caligula starts meowing up a storm. It’s as though he’s actually holding a conversation with the man, waiting for Ryan to say something before he continues to make noise. Magdalene laughs through what could barely classify as a conversation until the cat gives her space to talk again.

“So,” she says, drawing out the word in an attempt to make Ryan laugh. “Bette asked me to join her and some of the other girls for drinks before Friday’s game.”

Ryan’s responding before Magdalene has finished uttering the last words. “That’s great! I think you should go.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he says sheepishly, “It would be nice for you to know someone other than Bette.”

Magdalene is surprised at the response, but tries her hardest to keep her tone light and teasing. “Why, you plan on keeping me around Mr. Graves?” She can tell Ryan is struggling to come up with an answer because there’s a fair amount of sputtering on the other end of the line.

“I’d be stupid to let you go.”

All the breath in Magdalene’s lungs escapes her. She didn’t expect him to say something like that, and it sends her mind reeling. What does he mean? Unable to process the comment, Magdalene makes up an excuse and hangs up as quickly as possible. She spends the rest of the night wondering if Ryan was trying to make a move and deciding how she should handle his homecoming in a few days.

☼☼☼☼

When Ryan gets home Thursday morning Magdalene is at work. Caligula is happy to see him, practically pouncing on him and purring so loud Ryan’s sure the neighbours heard the cat. For an animal so small, Caligula can make a lot of noise if he wants.

“Hi boy,” Ryan coos, adjusting his grip on the cat so he doesn’t get dropped while the two of them move around the house. “Did your mom talk about me while I was gone? Been thinking about her a lot lately.”

The cat doesn’t respond, of course, but Ryan finds comfort in vocalizing his emotions. Multiple times on the road trip Tyson made fun of him for the silent pining he’s found himself participating in since Magdalene moved in, and hinted that she might have said something to Bette. Neither of them are great at keeping secrets, but Ryan also knows they want him and Magdalene to get together and aren’t above manipulation to achieve their goals. He doesn’t know how Magdalene actually feels, but Ryan isn’t willing to risk losing their friendship. Just a couple of months ago she sat on the deck of the lake house and told him she wasn’t looking for a relationship – he has to assume that’s still her position because if he doesn’t Ryan isn’t quite sure what he’ll unleash. Though the two of them are close, closer than most friends, Magdalene stills keeps a lot of things to herself and Ryan doesn’t want to pry. When, and if, she’s ready he knows she’ll come to him.

Exhausted from the countless hours of travel he’s endured over the past few days and the pains that come along with being a professional athlete, Ryan falls back onto the couch cushions. He hurts in places he didn’t know existed and wants to do nothing but sleep. Caligula settles into his stomach, purring contently, and though he knows he should unpack his gear, Ryan can’t find the energy to move himself or the cat. Everything will still be there when he wakes up, and hopefully Magdalene will be on her way home. She texted Ryan earlier in the morning, no doubt just before she headed out the door, to say that she was taking some holidays to have a long weekend and would be home around noon. Sleep comes easy with Caligula nestled against his body, and Ryan dreams of Magdalene as he frequently does.

☼☼☼☼

Despite Bette telling her countless times she shouldn’t be, Magdalene is nervous. The significant others of the Colorado Avalanche are a tight knit group and are very particular with who they let in. Magdalene is a nothing, has no true connections to the team besides being Tyson’s girlfriend’s best friend, and she’s worried she won’t make the cut. If it wasn’t for Bette picking her up in the morning Magdalene would have found a way to get out of drinks, but the blonde made sure she couldn’t make a run for it.

Sitting in the elevated booth, she not-so-casually sips her glass of wine while Bette tries to calm her down. “They’re going to hate me,” she groans, lowering her head to rest it on the table.

“Shut the fuck up,” Bette counters. “You literally know most of them, and Livy will be here if you get too uncomfortable, but most of them were at EJ’s back in May.”

Magdalene can’t argue with the truth, so she rolls her eyes and finishes her drink. By the time she flags down the waiter for a refill the other girls have arrived. They take turns hugging Bette and shuffling into their seats. Magdalene feels awkward with no one acknowledging her, but she does her best to buck up and deal with it. It means a lot to Bette, and Ryan, that she’s here trying to make friends so she’ll at least make an effort.

A blonde who looks a little older than the rest addresses her first. “I’m not sure if you remember me, but I’m Mel. I think we met last season at a game.”

It takes Magdalene a second to recall the face, but then she recognizes Mel as the person who alerted her to the fight Ryan got into to defend Tyson. “Oh yeah,” she chuckles, though it’s still got a nervous quality, “You’re the one who was yelling about Ryan’s fight.”

Everyone looks at her like Magdalene had confessed to seeing a ghost. “What’s the matter?”

“No one ever calls him that,” a petite girl with tight curls explains. “We all just call him Gravy.”

“Oh.”

Magdalene isn’t sure what the comment is supposed to mean, or if it even meant anything at all, but she does her best to push it aside because Livy is trying to catch up with her. The rest of the outing goes well – Magdalene keeps quiet until someone gives an inaccurate analogy about Rome and she has to correct them. It may make her seem stuck up, but she really hates when people spread misinformation. Everyone laughs, and after that it’s hard for Magdalene to stay silent. She talks about work and college, but when someone asks about home she shuts down. Bette notices the shift in her behaviour before Magdalene’s face has even dropped, and shifts the conversation in another direction. Soon it’s a respectable time to head to the arena and they all pay their tabs, Magdalene going first and then ducking out of the bar that became crowded while they were sitting down.

The fresh air feels good against her skin, and she takes the time alone to regulate her thoughts. There’s still several hours until she can return home and cry in the shower over the mention of her family so it’s important to present a calm facade. Bette comes out slightly ahead of the other girls and checks in with her friend, but Magdalene assures her she’s okay. It was a bit of a spook, but the other girls have no idea about how fucked up her familial situation is so Magdalene can’t hold it against them. The arena is a few blocks over, so the group walks towards it at a brisk pace. Magdalene’s mind is still churning from the bar when they step inside, so she peels off from the rest of the group. Warm ups are about to start and she knows that seeing Ryan will help to calm her down, at least until they can go home and she can sequester herself away from the rest of the world.

She finds a space against the glass and strains her eyes for her new favourite number. Ryan hasn’t made it out on the ice yet, but Tyson gives her a big wave when he skates past. It takes a few seconds, though it feels like years, but Ryan eventually steps out, all long limbs and hair and dazzling smile as his teammates give him big hi-fives. Magdalene doesn’t want to intrude but she needs to spend a few moments with him to feel completely present. When he skates by she waves shyly, and Ryan doubles back once he realizes who it is.

“There’s my favourite girl!” he shouts over the crowd, making sure Magdalene can hear.

The phrase brings a smile to her face, which in turn makes Ryan light up more. “Hi Ry,” she yells back. “I just wanted to come and say hi.”

Ryan’s heart warms at her words, but he knows that’s not the only reason. He’s lived with her long enough to know that something is bothering her but he isn’t going to push. There isn’t much time to have a conversation, so Ryan takes the time to make plans for after the game. “You riding home with me?”

Magdalene nods. “Yeah. Bette picked me up this morning so I didn’t drive.”

The loud sound of sticks clapping against the ice startles them both, and it’s Ryan’s teammate’s way of getting him to refocus. Magdalene says goodbye and before Ryan heads back to the bench he flips a puck over the glass for her. She smiles brightly, and watches him skate away. On her way up the stairs she hands it to a little girl wearing a much too big Graves jersey. It makes her night, and Magdalene returns to the private box she’s watching the game from feeling much lighter than when she entered the arena.

☼☼☼☼

Later, much later, after all of Ryan’s post game media and sitting through the traffic of downtown, Magdalene opens up about what was bothering her at the arena. The two of them are curled up in Ryan’s bed buried under a mass of blankets with several pillows strewn about. It’s become a frequent place for them to spend time, and every time they lay down Magdalene rests her head on Ryan’s chest and he keeps her in place with his arms wrapped tightly around her. Magdalene’s clutching his hoodie tighter than usual, her voice small as she speaks into the darkness of the room.

“I didn’t just want to say hi earlier.”

Ryan isn’t surprised by her confession, but wants to know what caused the surprise visit. “No? What was it?”

Magdalene lift head and shifts to face him, propping herself up with an open palm. “It’s kind of stupid,” she mumbles, feeling dumb for even bringing it up. Ryan doesn’t want to know the sob story that is her past life. “But it’s mostly okay now.”

“You don’t have to tell me, and I don’t want to push, but I think getting it off your chest will help,” he whispers, feeling like talking in a normal voice could startle the girl in front of him.

He’s right – Magdalene knows it. Telling someone the truth, as much of the truth as she can share, other than Bette would do her some good. Her therapist once said Magdalene needed to work on letting people in, and she figures there’s no one better than Ryan. “One of the girls asked me about home when we were getting drinks, and it’s just a really sore subject for me. I shut down and just needed to see you to ground myself.” Ryan goes to talk, but Magdalene continues. “No one really knows, but I left for Denver as soon as I graduated high school. My parents weren’t the greatest, and I suffered a lot emotionally at home. When I told them I was leaving, they told me never to come back and we haven’t spoken since. So yeah, that’s pretty much it. And I just needed to see you to remind myself that I’m okay without my family. You’re part of my family now, the one that really matters.”

Ryan is speechless. “Oh bug,” he sighs, heart hurting for all the pain Magdalene has experienced in her life. “I’m so sorry.” He wants to scream for her, maybe even break something, but all his anger dissipates when he looks down and sees her crying. Silently, Ryan wipes away the tears with the pad of his thumb and holds Magdalene until she stops trembling. They lay in silence for a while, sitting with the weight of the confession she just made. At some point Caligula shuffles in and finds a spot at Ryan’s side that isn’t occupied by Magdalene. The three of them feel like a little family, and it’s too good for Magdalene not to do something about.

“Can I kiss you?”

She’s never been so confident while asking a question. Magdalene knows he wants to kiss Ryan, has known for a while, and after baring her soul to him it seems like an appropriate time to take the plunge. They’ve never truly been just friends and everyone around them, including themselves, knows it.

“Mags,” Ryan says in a gentle yet stern voice, “I’m not gonna kiss you. You’ve just been very vulnerable with me, which I appreciate, and though I really really want to fucking kiss you I’m going to take advantage of you like that.”

If it were possible, Magdalene’s heart would expand so much it would be close to bursting. “I promise this is what I want and that I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. So please shut the fuck up and let me kiss you.”

She leans forward to connect their lips, and it feels like a fire has been ignited in her veins. Ryan is soft and gentle with the right amount of grit to make Magdalene weak in the knees. They move in tandem, giving and taking where necessary, and by the time they pull apart for air Magdalene thinks she’ll never be able to kiss anyone other than Ryan. When he looks at her, eyes kind and glimmering with light, Magdalene is certain kissing other people is off the table.

Neither of them make an effort to talk about what just happened or what it means. Instead, Magdalene kisses him again, and again, and keeps going until she’s completely out of breath. There’s no protest from Ryan, and he looks as blissful as Magdalene feels. She rests her head on his chest again and he cards his fingers through her hair as they sit in the comfortable silence that surrounds them.

☼☼☼☼

Magdalene keeps kissing Ryan, and he keeps kissing her. It’s always in the safety of his apartment, oftentimes with Caligula in the way, but wholesome and loving and warm. They haven’t defined their relationship, and truthfully Magdalene is glad. She likes being friends with Ryan and doesn’t know how the added pressures of dating would affect them – though she might like kissing him more than just being friends.

It becomes routine for either of them to reach for a kiss before heading to the door. Magdalene gets one every time she leaves for work, and if she’s there before Ryan has to leave for games he’s pulled into her lips by his tie. It’s fun and it’s new and Magdalene never wants it to end. She keeps the secret for a couple weeks, but eventually it becomes too much to hold in and she tells Bette one Saturday when they meet for brunch at Barn Owl because the boys are away.

“I kissed Ryan.” It’s out of her mouth like a bullet, cutting through the air and ringing out. Bette is shocked, jaw dropping, only to open further when Magdalene corrects herself. “Been kissing Ryan, actually.”

“You’re fucking joking,” Bette laughs, still not one hundred percent sure Magdalene is being serious. When the brunette nods her head, she squeals in what can only be presumed as delight. “Shut up! Tell me everything!”

Magdalene indulges her friend, and spills every detail she’s willing to share. Part of her wants to keep a bit of her life with Ryan a secret so she does, but Bette is more than willing to work with the information given. She listens carefully while Magdalene talks and waits until there’s nothing more to say before diving into a long list of reasons why kissing Ryan is the best thing that’s ever happened to her friend. Magdalene isn’t sure that it’s great because Bette will always have someone to go to games with, but she is in agreement that it is one of the best choices she’s ever made. They spend the rest of the morning giggling like school girls over potential love and Magdalene heads back to Ryan’s place feeling light and airy.

☼☼☼☼

The first thing Ryan does when he comes home is kisses Magdalene. She’s sitting on the couch with Caligula on her lap reading a book, and he doesn’t even bother to drop his bags on the floor before leaning over the worn leather and connecting their lips. It feels heavenly after the days-long absence and Magdalene chases his lips when Ryan pulls away.

“I missed you.”

They’re three words that shouldn’t mean much, but coming from him they send Magdalene spiralling. He missed her? The girl who spends her days geeking out over old documents and talks to her cat? Regardless of how true the statement is she appreciates it, because Magdalene missed Ryan more than she could ever explain.

“How was the flight home?” she asks, twirling a lock of his hair around her index finger and pulling him down for another kiss. Ryan happily obliges, and kisses her until Caligula begins to meow for attention. The cat practically launches himself into Ryan’s arms as he rounds the corner to sit down next to Magdalene, and purrs loudly at being reunited with the tall man.

Ryan laughs at the animal’s antics before wrapping his spare arm around Magdalene and pulling her close. “It was fine. We hit a bit of turbulence that made it hard to sleep but I managed,” he replies, and reaches for the television remote. Magdalene hums in response, resting her head on Ryan’s shoulder and returning her attention to the book in her hands. It’s silent except for the low buzz of the television as Ryan reviews tape, but neither of them mind. Co-existing is enough for both of them, and it’s peaceful and easy. The occasional conversation occurs but they mostly do their own thing, enjoying the feeling of being together again. More than a few kisses are shared, and Magdalene eventually pries herself away from Ryan long enough to make dinner.

They stayed glued to each other until Magdalene falls asleep. Ryan doesn’t even notice when it happens, but eventually he tries to leave the couch to get a glass of water and finds dead weight on top of him in the shape of the girl he just might love. Magdalene’s snoring softly, and he’s positive there is nothing more adorable in the entire world. A glance at the clock on the wall alerts Ryan to the fact that he should go to bed too, and he begins to brainstorm how to get Magdalene into bed without waking her. She’s been exhausted lately, working extended hours, and he knows she needs all the rest she can get.

It takes a few moments to coordinate, but Ryan gets himself upright without Magdalene realizing she’s no longer using him as a pillow. Gently he scoops her into his arms and pads down the hallway, careful not to hit her ankles on the walls or door frames. Once inside her room, Ryan tucks Magdalene into bed and makes sure her phone is on the nightstand just where she likes it. She looks so content in sleep that he can’t help but lean down and press a shirt kiss to her forehead.

“Night Mags,” he whispers into the dark, wondering if she’ll wake and hear all the adoration his voice holds.

Magdalene stirs at the noise, and opens her eyes to see Ryan’s retreating figure. “Night Ry.”

It’s late, approaching two in the morning, when Magdalene’s phone starts ringing off the hook. Though Ryan has told her multiple times that she doesn’t need to turn her sound on before she goes to bed, she can never find it in her to heed his words. What if there’s an emergency somewhere and some hospital has to get a hold of her? Magdalene would never be able to forgive herself if she was too late because she slept through the incoming calls.

Despite her underlying fears of missing something important, Magdalene considers letting it go to voicemail. She’s exhausted, between the high maintenance projects at work and trying her hardest to go to every Avalanche home game she can, and if it’s urgent she’s sure the person will call again if they need her. It rings three more times before Magdalene decides to pick it up – if only to stop the incessant noise.

Not bothering to even see who’s calling at such an ungodly hour, Magdalene speaks in a sleep-laden voice that betrays what she was doing not even a minute prior. “Hello?”

Bette answers her, offering a quick but sincere apology for the time but explaining that it couldn’t wait. Magdalene groans in contempt, thinking that it most certainly could have waited a few more hours. She doesn’t voice her opinion however, instead waiting for her friend to spill whatever news was making her bounce up and down on the other side of the line.

She’s about to hang up when Bette utters a sentence Magdalene’s been waiting for but never thought she’d hear at one fifty-seven am. “I’m getting married!”

☼☼☼☼

taglist: @scrunchmakar @marcoscandellas @toplinetommy @samsteel @lovethepreds @cutiesara23 @hockeyallthetime @stlouisbluesbrat21 @denis-scorianov @danglesnipecelly @c-tangerine @stormingroses @spine-buster @rapidfever @bb-nhlqueen7 (add yourself to the taglist!)

[pascalpanic]

Tiny Dancer (Frankie “Catfish” Morales x f!Reader)

Summary: Reader and Frankie are best friends, and both think that their feelings are unrequited… with the help of a little throwback music, that might change. Reader uses she/her pronouns.

Warnings: alcohol use

Word Count: 1.79k

A/N: This is my first published fic! I hope you like it, whoever’s reading this!! Thanks to my beta readers and people who helped me format, @lovetoreader​ @mandoalorian​ and @no-droids-on-sunday​, as well as a couple friends not on tumblr!

gif credit to @amahlfarouk​!

The fire crackles and casts a warm glow across Frankie’s face, highlighting the valleys and ridges of the lines in his skin, the shadow accentuating his pronounced nose. He really is beautiful, you sigh and think to yourself as you look at him. You’ve been friends with Frankie for a long time now, since high school, and the feelings you first had for him upon your introduction never quite faded. He looks completely relaxed, the bonfire, the music, and your presence putting him at ease. 

You tear your eyes from his face as you see him shifting, not wanting him to notice that you were most definitely staring. He picks up his phone and presses a button, shuffling the oldies playlist he chose and allowing John Denver’s Take Me Home, Country Roads to play through his Bluetooth speaker sitting on the table between the two of you. You give a laugh. “Good memories with this one,” you say with an easy smile on your face and look over at him, nudging his leg with your boot-covered foot. 

Frankie definitely agrees as he smiles back at you, his nose scrunching and his dimple showing. “Oh god. You almost got us kicked out of that bar for how loud you screamed this,” he chuckles and nudges your leg back, his strength moving your leg significantly farther than you nudged his. 

The two of you stop your brief chatter and start singing along. Frankie is loud and off-key, his baritone perfectly complimenting your equally out-of-tune voice. Both of you mumble through the first verse, not entirely sure of the words to this part. As it comes to the chorus, however, it’s a completely different story. The two of you start bellowing the words, laughing and grinning at each other. 

-

That night at your local bar was the closest Frankie ever got to kissing you. 

You had both had only enough alcohol to be lightly tipsy, meaning one-and-a-half drinks for you and three for Frankie. The bar had a machine that allowed you to pick the music, and Frankie eagerly used his quarters on song after song that you requested. Your face, flushed from alcohol, was closer to his than normal. He bit down on his lip and looked down as your faces got closer through the laughter, and as he looked up he swore he saw it in your eyes, exactly what he was feeling. 

The song ended and another came on, and an entirely different spark entered your eyes. “Oh my God!” You giggled. “I love this song! This is, like, the best,” you raved as the guitar kicked in. 

“The only song of the night you didn’t request is the best?” He teases you, the moment gone as you lean back to start singing along. “Really, you like John Denver?” He asks over the loud music and chatter. 

Nodding enthusiastically, your grin made him grin back. “Of course, Francisco. I’m a woman of culture,” you tease right back happily and push his shoulder. You knock back the rest of your second drink and slide off your barstool. “Come on, we’re dancing,” you practically shout and drag him off of his and to the small clearing for dancing

Frankie begrudgingly follows. He’s not much of a dancer, but he’d do anything for you. That much was obvious, he thought. As you reach the floor, you start belting the lyrics at the top of your lungs, audible even over the hum of the bar. 

-

As the chorus ends, you two both try to mumble the verse again, neither of you knowing the words. “Good memories,” he says again, a wistful smile on his face as he sits back in his chair a little further. 

“The best. You’re a good dance partner,” you smile along with him. “Even if that song wasn’t really us dancing. It was more standing close to each other while I burst your eardrums with my opera-worthy voice,” you sarcastically grin and elbow him lightly in the forearm. He makes a fake whimper of pain and pouts. “Catfish,” you laugh and shake your head at him softly, “the military veteran, special ops pilot extraordinaire, wounded by my elbow.”

“Just because I was in the military doesn’t mean I don’t feel pain anymore, hermosa,” he frowns at you and elbows you back. You make a similar noise and he grins. “See? Doesn’t feel great, does it?”

The two of you continue on with your playful banter, the way it’s always been for the two of you. You bicker and shove lightly, both of you separately thinking the same thing: that the main reason you love to push and shove isn’t because you see them like a sibling, but because you want any excuse you can to touch them. 

Your bickering continues as the song changes, and a break in the action causes a lull that allows you to notice the new song that came on. Grinning, you grab his phone and turn up the volume before setting it back on the small table between the two of you. “Oh my god, I love Elton John,” you coo as you hear his familiar voice singing Tiny Dancer. 

“I’m well aware,” he shoots back and shakes his head. “Add that song to the list of reasons my eardrums are broken. You know, people would think it’s because of the helicopters that I have hearing damage. What would they think if I told them it was because your tiny ass body has the strongest vocal chords to exist?” He groans, raising an eyebrow at you that rests just below the brim of his classic baseball cap. 

“Tiny?” You say, jokingly aggressive. You don’t consider yourself short; in fact, you’re above average. But with Frankie Morales, you practically look like an elf. He towers over you, and it drives you insane. 

“Just like the song,” he nods then gasps. “You are tiny dancer,” he says with a pleased smile spreading across his cheeks and showing that goddamn dimple. 

Smacking his arm, you shake his head. “Don’t even go there. First of all, we both know I only dance when I’m drunk or you make me,” you laugh. “The only-”

Frankie cuts you off by standing and taking your hand, pulling you to your feet as well. “You’re tiny and now you’re dancing,” he says, smiling down at you as he wraps his free arm around his waist, the other hand still clutching yours. 

“You’re cheesy as hell, Morales, you know that?” You ask and look up at him, the baseball cap shading his chocolate brown eyes. 

Frankie shrugs, starting to sway the two of you along, carefully avoiding the fire but staying close enough that the two of you are warm. “I may have been told that before,” he says and gives you a warm smile. 

Your heart thumps increasingly harder in your chest, which is now pressed to Frankie’s as he pulls you closer and gently sets his chin on your shoulder. You’re sure he can feel it, which makes you panic slightly, which makes your heart race even faster. You rest your head against his shoulder, the position coming naturally. You’ve slow danced before, of course, as the two of you always find yourself on the dance floor, but it’s only been a few times. Rare. Dancing usually consists of you and Frankie, not touching, flailing like complete idiots. Neither of you were known for your coordination when it comes to dancing, and it has always shown. But this is nice. Completely different. 

Humming the lyrics, his throat buzzes and you can feel it where your head rests against the side of his neck. He stops humming and starts singing softly, the smile in his voice evident. 

“Hold me closer tiny dancer… count the headlights on the highway…”

Giggling softly, you break away as Frankie pulls back, making you do a spin. You squeal as you lose your balance and stumble for a moment. Once again, coordination is not your strong suit. Both of you laugh as Frankie protectively pulls you back to his chest, stopping you before you can fall. “Careful,” he chides lovingly. 

“It’s a little late to be careful now, Frankie,” you shoot back sarcastically. “I already tripped.”

You look up at him, taken aback by the tenderness in his eyes. He always looks happy to be around you, but his eyes are painfully soft as he smiles down at you. 

The look makes you inhale sharply. He can’t feel that way about you, can he? You would’ve known sooner, surely, and you’ve been friends for a long time. You’ve always been able to read him like a book, what is this new expression? Or… is it new? You ask yourself all of these questions, biting your lip softly and looking down. 

He tears his gaze away and increases the distance between you, not nearly as close, terrified that he just gave too much away. He clears his throat and takes his hat off, running a hand through his hair before replacing it. He turns away and heads for his chair. “Sorry,” he says bashfully, looking at you. “I-,”

Something emboldens you. You’re not sure what, but it’s probably the fact that you suddenly put the last piece of the jigsaw puzzle together: he likes you too. You grab his wrist and stop him. “Please don’t be sorry,” you tell him and move closer to him, your heaving chests close once again. You reach up and take off his hat, running a hair through his curls, a peace offering. An offering, maybe, for something more.

“Can I kiss you, hermosa?” Frankie asks, voice barely a rasp of a whisper as he pulls you closer with an arm around your waist. 

You nod slightly and Frankie slowly moves in, his other hand moving to your cheek as he allows your lips to meet, soft and perfect. You sigh lightly and bring your free hand to his cheek as well, the other holding his ballcap and dangling at your side. You kiss him back contently, allowing the slow and gentle moment to rest. 

He eventually is the first to break away, his heart in his eyes and your faces close together. “I…” he wants to say something but can’t find the right words. 

“Me too,” you whisper back with a chuckle, brushing his curls from his face. “Me too, Frankie,” you say and blissfully kiss him again, the swell of the music perfectly matching the rhythm of your kiss. 

He breaks away after a few moments, smiling softly at you again. “I told you, you’re her, you’re tiny dancer,” he teases softly. “My tiny dancer?” He asks shyly, taking the hand from the side of his face and lacing your fingers together. 

“Yours,” you breathe in agreement and close the gap between you to kiss him once again. 

[galaxies-unknown-a]

[Open Starter/Semi-Event - Corporeal Triangle]

Writer had been doodling in their sketchbook, yet again. Their food sat, barely remembered, half-eaten, to the side of the sketchbook. The scent of pancakes and bacon filled the restaurant as Lazy Susan went about making another round... That really ‘manly’ guy had won the ‘manly’ machine again, resulting in a free pancake for everyone in the place.

“Another of the others?” Bill tapped the page. For everyone else, there was nothing- but for Writer, they could hear the gentle tip-tap of his black finger on the paper, the faint warmth that emanated from his form. Maybe the others would see the page manipulated a little, or the shadow he cast on the table- but it was so small, and everyone in the town was... Well... For lack of a better term, ‘inobservant’. Writer had long-since given up fearing Bill being spotted.

“... Yeah.” Writer continued with their strokes on the page, lead contacting and rubbing off on the surface. Gray lines formed as they drew out an angry face, cut up and bruised, one eye closed as they pulled down a glove over one hand.

They laid down their pencil, glancing out the window to try to forget the memories, even as they were forged. The sun’s evening rays drifted through the dirty glass, lighting up the building’s interior in slanted segments.

“... Triangle?” Writer reached for their nearly-forgotten cup, taking a swig of what was now absolutely cold coffee. It tasted sweet thanks to the amount of creamer they’d used, and they were sure if their father could see them, he would be dying out of shame at the moment. “Would you be willing to make me a body?”

Writer nearly spat out their drink. They slammed the cup down on the table, staring at the triangle in pure shock. He had asked for something to possess before, sure- but-- making a body? The question had been so sudden---

“Everything alright, deary?” Writer’s head spun towards the new noise- Lazy Susan was looking at her, concern written all over that one eye. Writer nodded. For a moment, they were too stunned to even speak. Their vocals were shot through as they turned back to the sketchbook.

Some of the coffee had spilled onto it. Great.

“... Give a mate some warnin’ before you ask that...” That seemed to have unlocked their vocal chords, at least. Writer reached for a napkin. However, when they brought it back- the sketchbook was completely clean. Bill Cipher was now a bit bigger. He was the size of a stuffed dog, sitting beside the notebook while his own eye watched the human.

“Sorry. Still.... A body’d be nice, don’t you think?” In the chaos, Writer had never heard the door to the restaurant open.

“For you? Sure. For everyone else?... Well, I doubt ‘everyone mcfucking dying’ has a good ring for humanity.”

[imaginedxlan]

Pike (George Weasley)

a/n: i have an addiction. i’m sorry. take this platform away from me. anyway ENEMIES TO LOVER BITCHES.

You’ve always hated George Weasley. You can’t quite explain why, but the two of you have had bad blood since the moment you met freshman year. it’s nothing either of you said or did, just the general presence of the other always set something off in the two of you. however, you weren’t going to give up partying at his frat just because you hated the red haired boy.

warnings: alcohol & cussing, unconsensual touching but it isn’t graphic(not by george obv), mentions of sex and assault/sexual violence, violence and fratboy!georgie

i’m very serious when i say do not read this if you’re easily triggered or impacted by the theme of sexual assault. there is nothing graphic in this fic but i know it is very easy to be triggered by even the smallest mention. if you ever and i mean EVER need someone to talk to about anything pertaining to the topic, my messages are always open. dealing with sexual assault in any form is one of the most traumatising things a person can go through. please never hesistate to reach out if you’re struggling. i love you guys so much, i never want to go suffer in silence.

if you or someone you know if struggling with a rape or sexual assault, you can call 800.656.HOPE (4673) to be connected to a sexual assault service provider in your area. all my hugs and kisses to you all, i love you with all my heart❤️

saturday nights on campus are nothing short of lively for you and your friends. whether you’re testing your fake ids at every bar on the main street or dancing in a sweaty frat basement, there’s never been a dull weekend.

pike has always been your favorite fraternity to attend . you’d become close with some of the pledges on your floor your freshman year and have become obsessed with shutting down every function they hold at the house. there is one part of pi kappa alpha, however, that you could do without. george weasley.

the six three, red haired monster has been getting under your skin for an entire year now. since you met in your first semester of freshman year, you and george had never been on good terms. between the constant teasing from him or your drunk screaming matches that you’ve initiated almost every weekend, it’s safe to say that you two need to be kept as far away from each other as possible.

your friends have never understood the feud. they’ve always described george as one of the nicest guys they’ve ever met. he takes their coats at the door of every pike party to hide in his room to keep them safe from the drunk kleptomaniacs or vomit that inevitably spews from the mouth of a freshman girl. he’s always kept an eye out for your friends, but when it comes to you he swears if murder was legal you’d be six feet under by now.

as you and your friends got ready in your shared apartment for the night ahead of you, the annual pike’s peak ski themed party, you loathe the fact that you’ll be forced to see him again. you wish more than anything that he wasn’t so close with your friends, but alas, he is.

“y/n, can you please promise me something?” Angelina pleads, making you pause your makeup routine to look at her as if to say ‘go on.’ “no fighting with george tonight, we all need one night when the two of you aren’t at each other’s throats.”

if only it were that easy. there have been times in the past when angie and katie have convinced you to play nice with the boy, but he always ends up starting some type of fight with you.

“angie i’ve told you, i have no problem ignoring him for the good of the group,” you reiterate the countless times you’ve tried to prove to the girls that you’re the bigger person. “it’s him you should be talking to, he always starts it.”

katie sighs, already imagining the screaming match that will ensue tonight. “well if he starts something just walk away, easy as that.”

you mull it over for a minute. as much as ignoring him will make it seem like you’ve run out of insults, your vocal chords could use the rest this weekend. you agree to try and keep your mouth shut around george.

the three of you zip up your obnoxiously bright ski jackets over the black sports bras and jeans you’re wearing. you loved pikes peak, you could put in virtually no effort and still look like you spent hours getting ready.

the pike house is already buzzing with the bass of whatever mix oliver wood put together for the party. it’s not a pike party without ollie behind the dj booth. the high that you’re on as you walk past the pledges fades as your faced with george weasley.

just ignore him.

“look at my most beautiful groupies,” he says with a smile, scanning over angie and katie. “and...whatever that is.”

you can already feel your cheeks heat up with rage and your fists tighten. you take a deep breath and repeat katie’s words just an hour ago, ‘walk away.’ you roll your eyes at the boy and move your way through the party, eventually taking your spot next to ollie behind the dj stand.

“well hey there miss y/n,” ollie greets you, resting his headphone around his neck and pulling you into a hug. “half expected you to be beating weasley to a pulp by now.”

you laugh at his honesty, everyone expects some huge blow up between you and george within the first few minutes of a party. “trying something new, ignoring him for the night. can’t tire myself too much.”

ollie just smiles and goes back to the music. you’re adding songs to the queue and laughing along with him. you almost forgot how much you missed spending time with him, most of your interactions with the boy group ending with a fight with weasley without even being able to talk with the other boys.

across the room, george is watching you actually enjoy yourself and is fuming. he’s so used to being able to get under your skin, so you blowing him off was a major knock to his ego. he thrives on your reactions to his teasing, feeling like he doesn’t even have a purpose at this party now that you’re ignoring him.

you eventually leave oliver behind the booth and find angelina and katie, luckily they’re now where near george, rather dancing with his twin. you’ve always liked fred, but your constant arguing with his brother makes it hard for you to have any sort of friendship with him. this is the first pike party you’ve been to all year that you’re genuinely enjoying yourself. dancing with your friends, drinking without a care. the night is actually starting to look up.

you tell angie and katie that you’re off to the bathroom, the beers and seltzers finally catching up to your bladder. as you make your way through the crowd of people, you finally make it to the bathroom which is in the furthest corner of the house. before you can reach for the handle, someone is grabbing at your wrist.

“let’s go to my room.” the boy slurs, you turn to see a tall boy, far taller than you. you recognise his face but don’t know his name.

“no than-“

“i wasn’t asking,” he cuts you off and grabs your hip with his other hand. “come on i know you want to.”

“no just get off of me!” you yell trying to push his hands away from you but his death grin on your body doesn’t seem to be loosening. using your free hand you start beating the boys chest and that seems to just make him angrier. “you’re hurting me! just get off, i’m not coming to your room!”

even though you feel like your screaming the loud music seems to drown out the noise from anyone who could come and help you. even though the boy is obviously stronger than you, that doesn’t stop you from continuing to hit him in the hopes that his drunken state will take him off of you. your efforts are to no avail as his mouth connects with your neck, sucking harshly, making you scream out again. your head is thrashing, continuing to attempt to free yourself from his grasp.

“no! stop get off of me, please!” you shriek, tears beginning to stream down your cheeks. before you can realize what’s going on the boy is ripped from you and pinned up against the wall. you don’t even look to see what’s happening, just trying the catch your breath.

“she said no!” you immediately recognize the voice. george weasley. he fist connects with the boys jaw, almost knocking him unconscious as he’s still pushed against the wall. “what the fuck is wrong with you pucey! don’t you ever fucking touch her again!”

george still screaming as the boy you know realize is adrian pucey, is wailing in pain as george’s fists continue to meet his body. you don’t want to watch this anymore so you grab george’s hand before he can hit adrian again.

“stop, please.” it’s softer than you wanted it to come out but george still hears you. he drops adrian to the ground and takes a hold of your shoulders. even in the dark he’s examining your face for any sign of adrian’s abuse, his eyes land on the growing bruise on your neck and his fingers lightly trace over the mark. his other hands goes to your face, using his thumb to wipe the stream of tears.

“are you okay?” he asks quietly, eyes still trained on the hickey adrian unconsensually left on your neck. “i would’ve killed him.”

“why are you doing this, weasley?” you step back from him, crossing yours arms over your chest. “go on and tell everyone how you had to pull pucey off of me. how i was crying like a little baby. how helpless i was, i know that why you’re here.”

a flash a hurt crosses his face, he shakes his head. “is that really what you think of me?”

“of course it is, you’ve never given me a reason to think anything else,” you reply, wiping the remaining tears from your cheeks. “just leave weasley, i can’t take whatever’s going to come out of your mouth, not tonight okay? i could’ve handled this myself.”

“yeah you were doing a great job of handling it before i came it,” he scoffs and goes to walk away, kicking pucey one last time for good measure, but stops himself. “would you just stop arguing and follow me?”

you go to protest but figure you’re not in any mood to argue with him. he reaches his hand out to guide you through the sea of people but your arms stay folded against your chest. he rolls his eyes and leads you up the stairs and into a bedroom. you’d never been in his bedroom before. he goes into his closet to pull out a sweatshirt and tosses it your way.

“i’m not wearing this,” you tell him, throwing it back at him and he groans at your stubborn attitude. “why am i in your room, weasley?”

“does the word thank you not exist in your vocabulary?” he asks with a bitter tone. “i don’t care if you wear it, i’m leaving.”

he slams the door behind him and leaves you by yourself again. you look in the mirror on his wall at the disheveled sight looking back at you. your mascara collected under your eyes from your tears, the dark hickey from pucey on your cheek, bruises forming on your wrist and hip. you thought you had cried all the tears out before but seeing the damage he had done pulls sobs from your lips. you’re shaking at the memory of what happened, the thought of what could have happened. you collapse on george’s floor.

almost immediately the door swings open. you’re hoping maybe george told angie or katie and they were coming to take you home but it’s just george standing there. he never left his door, seeing pucey attack you like that made him fear that it might happen to you again. he quickly shuts the door behind him and crouches next to you as you struggle to catch your breath.

“hey, hey what’s going on you were fine a few second ago,” he tries to read your face but it’s hidden in your hands. “look at me, y/n, please.”

you lift your face to look him in the eyes. your puffy eyes and red cheeks make his heart sink. this is the first time he’s looked at you and felt something other than utter annoyance. you look so sad.

“i-i’m so s-scared,” you stutter through your speech. “if you hadn’t come he could’ve, it would have turned into -”

“don’t talk like that,” he begs you, still staying a bit of a distance from you. “i was there, i stopped it. you’re safe now.”

once you calm down he pleads for you to lay down and get some rest. you finally take the sweatshirt from him and wrap it around your body. he leans down to crouch in front of you, your eyes still welled with tears. he pats your head and goes to leave. in reality he would be posted outside the door for the rest of the night, but he’d never tell you that. As he shuts off the lights and opens the door, you squeak out a plea, “can you stay? please.”

george hesitates, he knows showing any kind of compassion for you in this moment will inevitably put a rift in your strict enemies only relationship. the one he’s been so set on keeping since he started developing feelings for you last semester. the only way he could keep you close while also concealing his feelings was to pick those fights with you every weekend. this would change everything.

however, seeing you curled up in his bed, shaking under his blankets, your eyes wide with fear broke something in him. he let out a deep sigh before closing his door again and locking it behind him. he stands in place for a minute, unsure of what to do from here.

“george,” you call out, voice cracking. you hadn’t called him by his first name in months. “thank you.”

“you haven’t called me george in a while.”

“shut up, weasley,” you immediately reply, making george chuckle. he decides to sit on the edge of his bad facing you, watching you continue to shake as sporadic sobs come from your frail frame. it’s breaking his heart. He eventually comes up to lay beside you, careful not to touch you. partly due to the fact that he knows you’re probably traumatised by pucey’s attack on you and also partly due to him knowing he may not be able to control himself from taking you in arms until you stop your terrible shaking.

it wasn’t george that first moved closer, it was you. you weren’t sure if it was the fact that he just saved you from a potentially life shattering situation or the fact that his room felt like subzero but you wanted to be close to him.

“why is your room so cold?” you ask with a shiver. “i feel like i’m in the arctic.”

“don’t be such a baby it’s not that cold,” he scoffs, giving you the same tone he always has. something in you is disappointed, partly hoping that maybe this changed something. maybe you were overthinking him being so doting on you tonight. of course things wouldn’t be different. why would you want them to be? what he did tonight he would do for any girl in thai party. while you don’t get to see that side of him, angie and katie have always talked about how protective he is, you just never thought it would extend to you.

“why’d you help me?” you ask, staring at him dead in the eyes. his breath hitches, he’s not sure why. he would do it for anyone, no questions asked. he’s never been the guy to look the other way when a girl is hurting, but what was he doing all of this for you. surely he wouldn’t bring just anyone up to his room, he wouldn’t stay if they asked.

“i wasn’t going to let pucey hurt you like that, i wouldn’t let him do it to anyone,” he replies, hoping you’ll be off the topic from now on.

“you would’ve killed him if i hadn’t stopped you.” george thinks back to the moment. how angelina had pleaded for him to find you after you’d been gone for so long. how he heard your cries over the music, you screaming no. how pucey had himself attached to you and the rage bubbled over in him.

“would you come off of it?” he asked sternly, fearing if this conversation moved any further he would be confessing that he’s never actually hated you. “i forgot how annoying you were for a second there, i’m getting out of here.”

your heart sinks at his words. you were already in shambles and he decided to be his same old asshole self. it hurt. you immediately sat up and watched as he grasped the door handle but didn’t turn it.

“classic, something gets hard and you’re running away,” you spit at him. you needed someone there, you needed him there, and he was running off. “go on weasley, be the little bitch you are, run off and tell everyone how big bad george weasley beat up pucey just to leave me up in your room where he could for sure do it again.”

“you just love running that fucking mouth of yours don’t you?” george snaps, his face beginning to heat up. this is always how it starts. his tone is playfully arrogant until it switches completely. “you think i would just leave you in here where anyone could come in? are you really that stupid? i would’ve staid outside the fucking door all night if that’s what it took for you to sleep after ehat happened, i just can’t be in this fucking room with you.”

you roll your eyes at how dramatic he is. as if staying in a room with you for one night would kill him. in his mind, however, it might. seeing you curled up in his bed, in his clothes, begging for him to stay, it’s all too much for him to handle.

“yeah sure you would. you wouldn’t go chasing after your brother the second he called that some girl was asking for you. this is all for show, you’re trying to make me seem like the one you can’t coexist with you,” you shout. “then everyone can blame me for this stupid fucking fight we’ve been having for an entire year. you can be the innocent one, that’s it isn’t it?”

george can’t believe how blind you are. how you’ve failed to notice that every time you get up in his face to yell at him he loses his breath. that you can’t see that teasing you is his only way to keep you coming back to pike. that he almost killed pucey because he likes you. he so painfully likes you.

“you’re an idiot you know that?” he yells, taking his hand off the doorknob. “seriously how dumb can you be? you really think i’m doing all of this for my image?”

“then answer my fucking question, weasley,” you spit at him, becoming angrier every minute that he won’t admit his own obsession with how everyone perceives him. “why. are. you. helping. me.”

every word comes out dripping with the venom of your rage. getting george to admit he’s a self centered, self serving asshole will give you all the evidence you need to show katie and angie that this feud is his fault, not yours. he begins to pace around the room, hands going to his hair as he looks deep in thought. your eyes never leave him, watching as he slowly unwinds in front of you. it’s happening, he’s going to admit it.

“you want to know why? you really want to know why i’m doing all this? why i dedicate my fucking saturday nights to fighting with you? that’s what you really want?”

“that’s what i asked isn’t it?”

“because i fucking like you, okay?” he shouts, making your heart stop. your jaw is practically on the floor, this is not the confession you were expecting. his face softens along with his tone, “i like you.”

he’s quiet, almost inaudible over the muffled bass of the music coming from downstairs. you face hasn’t changed, your brain is empty. your completely unable to move. you begin to shake your head after a minute, repeating the words ‘no’ and ‘you’re lying.’

“fuck this,” george finally speaks up, going back to reach for the door. “have a nice life, y/n, don’t bother coming back here after tonight.”

“george stop!” you yell which makes him stop in his tracks. his first name again. it makes his heart ache. he can’t get involved, he can’t fall into your trap. he continues to make his way to get as far from you as he possibly can. “george i mean it! stop running away from me.”

you’re now off the bed, following close behind him. you’re swimming in his sweatshirt, the material falling just below your knees. you don’t know why you suddenly have the urge to touch him, to be with him but it’s there. him threatening you to never come back made your chest tighten, not because you’ll be missing parties, but you’ll be missing him. memories of your screaming matches flood your brain, the absolute high you’re on as you’re staring up at him after shouting something offensive his way. the way you can never seem to catch your breath when he’s around you. the fact that you continue coming back, knowing he’s going to hurt your feelings in some way or another, because it means you’ll be with him. as toxic and backwards as it seems, you’ve never hated george. you were utterly obsessed with him. when you finally reach him, grabbing his hand to stop him fleeing, his whole body snaps to turn toward you. he looks wild.

“what could you possibly have to say to me?” he shouts, making you step back. his words are fueled by anger and hatred. when he sees you back away from him, he immediately regrets his tone. “come to gloat? to make fun of me? save it, y/n. i don’t want to hear it.”

you don’t say a word. on the crowded staircase of your drunk classmates you do the last thing you could have ever imagined doing with george weasley. you kiss him.

he’s completely taken aback, freezing in his place as soon as he feels your soft lips against his. one hand is wrapped around the back of his neck and the other is holding his cheek. eventually, reality hits the boy and he’s pulling you into him by your hips. you wince in pain from the tender bruise aching on your hip from pucey’s hands and george immediately pulls away to see if you’re alright.

“god, i’m sorry, i’m so sorry. i didn’t realize he hurt you so bad,” he starts to ramble on, keeping his hands off of you to keep from hurting you. “y/n, i’m — i just — i don’t know what to say.”

your hand is still on his face, your thumb stroking over his cheek bone. you can’t believe you had just kissed the boy you had sworn to hate for the rest of your life. pulling your hands away from your body you take a hold of his that are hovering inches away from your hips. you move they to lay against your waist and move yours to return to his face. you lean yourself back up toward him again, capturing his lips for the second time tonight. he didn’t hesitate this time, pulling you closer to him.

as soon as you pull away from each other, you’re soon walking back to his room hand in hand. he closes the door and flicks on the lights. being with him now feels astronomically different. the tension that once plagued any room you two shared has melted away.

“i didn’t want to pressure you into doing that,” he says softly, his palm resting on your cheek as the two of you sit only inches from each other on his bed. “especially after what pucey did to you, i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have been so harsh.”

you stop him from spiraling any further into a pit of blame. “i feel safe with you georgie, i wouldn’t have stayed in here with you, kissed you, if i didn’t. you know i’d be the last to admit this, but you saved me, i owe you one.”

a small smile tugs on his lips. he can’t help but feel his heart hammering against his ribs like it’s going a thousand miles and hour. “consider the debt repaid,” he replies, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. “i don’t think i would’ve ever been able to face you after tonight if you hadn’t come running after me.”

your smile mirrors his, unable to contain the butterflies in the pit of your stomach. the two of you just stare at each other for a while, trying to imprint this moment in your memory forever.

“can i kiss you again?” he asks, his lips so close that you can feel his breath against yours. you nod against his forehead, silently begging to feel his warmth again.

kissing george is like nothing you’d ever felt before. you spent your entire life kissing boys that meant nothing to you, this feels like home. his tongue slips into your mouth, exploring every inch of you, memorising how you feel as if you’ll be stolen from him at any second. he’s thought of this exact moment for months, every time you fought, every time he spoke to you, he imagined what it would feel like to have you like this.

“still feels like a tundra in here,” you tell him after you pull away. he takes you by your good wrist and urges you to lay next to him, his arms wrapping tightly around your body wishing he would never have to let go.

“better?”

“better.” you reply, letting you hand rest against his chest, feeling his heart beat. “this is not how i imagined this night going.”

“neither,” he says, running his fingers up and down your side. “never thought i’d get to hold you like this.”

your cheeks heat up, not from your usual rage but from the sudden rush on nerves. you don’t know how to act around him when you’re not about to beat his face in. he gently pulls your face from where it’s hiding in his chest to admire you. he presses his lips softly against yours, then moves to either cheek, then to your forehead.

“what happens now?” you ask, suddenly hit with the realization that you can’t go on with the feud that’s been bubbling between the two of you for the past year. you’ll have to tell your friends that you don’t hate each other anymore, that you did the unthinkable and kissed george weasley.

“i don’t care,” he says simply. “we could continue fighting until my dying breath, i just don’t want to be without you. ever.”

“what a little sap-fest you’ve become,” you tease holding yourself up on your elbows to get a good look at the boy. “who knew the george weasley could be so sentimental.”

“oh shut up,” he nudges your shoulder, pulling his arms from around you to rest behind his head. “you’re the one who kissed me, y/n, you started this.”

you let out a giggle, resting your head against his chest. you talk for hours about everything and nothing at all. eventually you hear the music die from downstairs, your phone buzzing with texts from angie and katie worried sick about where you ran off to. you tell them you’re fine and you’ll explain tomorrow. it’s an unspoken assumption that after all these months of fighting, you’ll be sleeping in george’s bed, cuddled up to him like you have been for the last few hours. you turn from your phone to see him stripping his shirt from his body, going to pull his khakis from his body and your heart stops.

“george i-” you start, not being able to form a coherent sentence. “i’m sorry but i can’t do anything like that, not tonight, not after what happened.”

his face turns down in worry, swiftly pulling a pair of sweats from his drawer to cover his bare legs. “oh my god, no y/n that’s not where i thought this was going at all. i usually sleep without a shirt on but it that makes you uncomfortable i can put one on. i’m so sorry i wasn’t even thinking.”

you sigh in relief, of course he wasn’t going to ask you to do anything like that after what he saw. you can’t believe you assumed that of him.

“no, no i’m sorry i know you would never,” you reply, rubbing your face between your palms. “i’m just on edge.”

he sits next to you, already holding a pair of boxers for you to wear and places them in front of you. he runs his hands up your arms. “don’t apologize to me, you’re allowed to be on edge after that. i should’ve been more conscious of that. i can go to the bathroom while you change if you want, unless you want to stay in your jeans.”

you shake your head, pulling the denim off your legs and replacing them with george’s boxers. you’re safe with him, you remind yourself.

“thank you, george,” you say quietly. “for everything.”

“i’d do it again, a hundred times over if i had to,” he tells you, pulling you into his arms to hold you. “do you want to talk about it?”

you shake your head no and he nods. he lays the two of you back and pulls his blankets other you. your head lays against his bare chest, feeling the most secure you have in your life. george’s breath eventually steadies as he slips into a deep sleep. it’s the easiest he’s ever been able to fall asleep, feeling completely comfortable with you in his arms. you fall asleep soon after him, the arms of george weasley and the walls of pi kappa alpha lulling you into the sweetest dreams.

[sussex-nature-lover]

4 September 2022

What We’ve Seen This Week

The field across the lane got cut last week. They didn’t start until early evening, with two machines, and just as they’d finished, the heavens opened. Timing!

This is how it looked in the evening when it was finished. Those hedges all need doing again.

Nothing got collected so we presume the bean crop was grown for green fertilizer and will be ploughed into the ground soon. 

Something similar has happened at the farm the other side of our garden, where there was a big temporary village and roadway to service works on the local railway operation. Everything has been removed, new topsoil brought in and a crop of fig-leaved goosefoot (according to my plant ID app) Everywhere that had been given a hard base has been planted up, so we’ll see what happens there.

It’s so nice that all the noise and disturbance has gone at long last.

Looking at the changing fields is another shameless opportunity to post the Red Arrows flying over last week and the trail of smoke they let off over the tree line. Who says the country life is dull?

It wasn’t dull when I opened the bedroom curtains one morning. This deer and her charming little fawn came wandering into the garden from the woods, through our gateway in the fence.

It’s sweet to think of it as a two way thing. For us a gateway from the garden to the wilderness of woodland and for them, an opportunity to explore something different. Not that the fence ever stopped them, they clear it easily.

The pictures I caught of them were along the area we’re clearing. I measured it out and it’s approximately 27½’ by about 12′ at the widest point. Quite significant and I can’t wait to get it finished - am banned at the moment until after the wedding, so I don’t acquire any more bites and grazes, but every time I look out, I’m twitching to get back to it.

As I’d taken these snaps and came out onto the landing of the house, I looked out of the front window and saw around another half dozen deer grazing there. It really is quite magical. When I was a child I lived in an area where there were ‘Deer’ warning signs on a lot of the roads, and I never ever saw one in the wild until we moved here.

The buzzards have been very vocal over the garden again this week and along with all the usual suspects we’ve had lots of visits from Long Tailed Tits and Chaffinch, which is terrific.

I’m so envious of the lovely close up photos I see on Twitter, mine are  frustrating because the camera’s far too slow to follow and zoom in. I’m getting a little bit more adept (but not much!)

On our way back from a walk a couple of days ago we saw a huge bird in flight.

It came from behind us so we were taken a bit by surprise.

I’m trying to work out if, as thought, it’s a White Stork from the local Knepp outpost, or, if it may have been a Heron. It looked like it could’ve been returning to the reserve.

I’m plumping for Stork, but the photos don’t seem to be conclusive.

The surest way to tell storks apart from herons and their counterparts is from their flight stances. Storks fly with their necks fully extended, while herons always retract their necks into a characteristic “S” shape while in flight.

***EDIT: the White Stork Project have got back to me and say that this is a Grey Heron. In the past we’ve seen both grey and white around the ponds locally, but not for a very long time. So I’m adding this to my list of birds seen in 2022.

Typed last weekend:

Totally unrelated, we had an email which contained some more exciting news. For our wedding anniversary this year (42 years since you -didn’t- ask: I was a (virtually) child bride!) we decided to support the crowd funding by Unbound for the Jim Moir book below. Perhaps more widely known as Vic Reeves, the British comedian is also a celebrated artist. We’re looking forward to our physical copies of the book at the end of the week. For now we have an e-book to admire and to look at our names in the list of supporters who made the book possible. I say made it possible, I think it was something like 360%+ funded, which proves how popular the book’s going to be.

Update: the book arrived and further Update, there’s an interview on TV right now, publicising the book.

We made two pledges so that ultimately our girls can have a copy each. We like to pass on a love of nature to the next generation and the one beyond and I think (hope) we’ve already made a good start. Unfortunately one of the copies has a damaged page, so I’ve written to the publisher to point out it shouldn’t have passed quality control - you could see it before even opening the book - and hope they’ll replace it. Fingers crossed.

Looking at the hedgerows, Autumn’s on its way

* bold type leads to an outside page for more information