#her tattoos took forever to do ugh it looks good but I hate doing it

[crismakesstuff]

WIP 🚧

invincible music au sketches I need to finish fully one day

goth/punk debbie and metalhead nolan

[aquamarinescarlet]

Don’t give up just yet

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Word count: ~3.6k

Warnings: two curse word (I think), brief mentions of sex and cheating, angst (bare in mind these warnings don’t apply the way you think they do, you’ll have to read to understand)

Summary: The classic soulmate AU, sentences written on each other’s wrists, but with a twist.

Author’s note: This was basically an excuse for me to reinvent the soulmate AU with the wrist tattoos thing. It’s sorta angsty, but I just thought the ending was too funny. Just experimenting here, tell me what you think.

PSA: Dividers are the count down till the day: black is reader focused, red is wanda focused, gold/yellow is also reader focused, but I thought it deserved a little spark.

“You should call her, y’know.”

“Why would I do that? She made her point very clear.”

“It’s her wedding day, Y/N,” Mia reasoned, “and this fight was months ago, you have to get over it.”

You rolled your eyes at her insistence. This discussion has been happening every day for the past two weeks.

“I didn’t do anything wrong, why am I the one who should get over it?” You emphasized.

“He is her soulmate, and she is your sister, the least you could do is pretend.”

“Ugh,” you let out a guttural scream, “I can’t do this anymore Mia, I stand by what I said. That man is an asshole and this soulmate thing is stupid. I don’t trust him, no matter what the words on both their wrists say, and I’m not gonna watch her go down with this and not do anything about it.”

Mia didn’t respond, she knew she’d reached your last nerve. You watched as the woman left your office, sending a last sympathetic glance your way before walking into the hall. 

Mia was right in some points, and you knew that. She was right about it being your sister’s wedding day and that you should be there to support her. She was wrong about you needing to be the one to apologize though. The way people manipulated their lives to fit this whole twisted Soulmate Theory made your blood boil.

The Soulmate Theory was quite simple: everyone was born with a sentence written on their wrists, popular belief is that those are the first words your soulmate will say to you. It was cute, and it worked most of the time, not for your sister though. Or at least you thought so.

Oli's soulmate was Isaac. They had met three years ago and eventually started dating. Oli was a firm believer of the Soulmate Theory and had never dated anyone before, so it was all new and exciting.

You started noticing the patterns roughly one year after they started dating. He was controlling her, discreetly, barely noticeable, but it was there. 

First with clothes, Oli had made it a habit to always ask for his opinions on her clothing, and he would tell her he hated something, regardless of her telling him over and over again she had liked it. You made little comments here and there about his actions, mostly jokes but with some truth behind, she didn’t notice.

Second was friends, Isaac would always want to meet Oli’s friends, and if she went out with one he didn’t know he would make her feel guilty. You started giving more serious warnings, pointing out what he was doing more clearly, she didn’t care and called you crazy.

Third was her feelings, he had his mind set on what her role should be in his life. He praised Oli endlessly when she cooked or cleaned. Other than that, he didn’t care, didn’t pay attention to her stories, didn’t appreciate her paintings and drawings… 

It got to the point where she wouldn’t want to paint anymore, when she was telling a story it would be without her usual excitement. Her smile no longer reached her eyes, she was constantly tired. 

You confronted her about it, several times, but it was of no use. You’d point out the facts and she’d retort with ‘he is my soulmate, the universe bound us together, he wouldn’t do this to me!’

Three months ago was the last time you two talked. She told you he asked her hand. She knew you would be against it, she tried to ease you into the idea of her being with Isaac for the rest of her life. You weren’t having any of it. 

After hours of screaming, arguing and loads of tears, she told you not to come to the wedding, and you said you wouldn’t. 

It’s now four days from the date and you’re not going as long as he’s the one she’s marrying.

You stared at the words on your own wrist. ‘It’s you’. That sentence haunted you for years. What a stupid set of words for your soulmate to say.

As a kid you adored the Soulmate Theory, you paid meticulous attention to the first words you’d exchange with anyone, you made new friends nearly every day in hopes of hearing those words, but they never came.

Until they came. At first it was exhilarating, but the ones you said didn’t match the ones on the person’s wrist. You were extremely disappointed. And then you heard them again, and again, and again… It became almost routine. Every single person you met would say ‘it’s you’ or some variation of it. 

You being who you are certainly didn’t help. During college you had started a tech company and now it had grown to be one of the biggest and most important in the field. The new inventions did win you several prizes and a lot of money. You were also stupid famous, being the young brilliant CEO and all. 

Ever since, you gave up on looking for your soulmate. It seemed counter productive to get yourself all worked up just for it not to happen every single day. You made your peace with it, although a small part of you just wanted to meet said person.

The situation with Isaac and Oli helped. Seeing that it could end up hurting you made it easier to not fixate on finding your soulmate. Nonetheless, the desire was there; hidden, pushed to the back of your mind, but still there.

You just wished your sister could see it too, that the Soulmate Theory is not the solution to all her problems. 

“Relax Steve, it’s all taken care of.” 

“What about the flowers? Did you book the buffet? Did you check with the band? And the decorations? I saw some people didn’t RSVP yet, should I redo the seating charts?” Steve rambled on as Wanda just laughed.

“The flower problem is solved, the buffet confirmed, so did the band, the wedding planner is working on the decorations and redoing the whole seating chart seems… unnecessary, they still have three days to confirm their presence.” She reassured the man who was more stressed than her about the whole situation.

“Okay, sorry, I just want to make sure everything is perfect.” He huffed, taking a seat on the couch. 

“It’s going to be perfect, don’t worry.” She couldn’t help the weirdness that surged upon uttering those words.

“How are you so calm?” Wanda just shrugged, not really sure how to answer. 

Steve took a deep breath and gazed at the red head, offering her a smile. 

“I’m going to sleep, all this wedding stuff has been stressing me all day.” 

“Okay,” Steve made his way to his bedroom but she called him before he reached the hallway, “thanks for the help Rogers.” 

“No worries.” He shot a last smile before disappearing. 

Wanda found herself alone in the living room, the silence only making her thoughts scream louder.

She would be married in three days. It seemed unbelievable. After losing her parents, being experimented on at Hydra, fighting along Ultron, losing her brother and becoming an Avenger, she never thought she would have time to fall in love.

Yet, here she is. Although the feeling wasn’t quite what she thought it would be. It wasn’t exciting, or nerve racking. She felt no different than any other day of her life. Steve seemed like the one who was getting married, not her. 

Vision is sweet and caring, she feels so happy around him. Then what is causing all these doubts to haunt her?

She knows what it is, she just doesn’t want to admit it.

Those words. Those stupid words painted forever on her wrist. ‘Don’t do this’. Ever since joining the Avengers she started using several bracelets to hide them, but they still burned on her skin every single day.

She’d heard of the Soulmate Theory at a very young age. Her parents had explained how those were the first words she’d hear from the love of her life. She would spend hours daydreaming all sorts of scenarios in which someone would say those words to her and they’d fall in love.

After her parent’s death, that stopped being her priority. At the Hydra base she’d only see her brother and a couple dozen different Hydra soldiers, too old and mean for a soulmate. 

Gaining powers was a game changer. She was older then. Stronger. They finally allowed her and Pietro to leave the base and create chaos in Hydra’s name. “Do good” in Hydra’s name. She believed she was doing the right thing. She truly did. 

Hearing her first ‘Don’t do this’ made her question everything. It came from a little kid nonetheless. A scared little kid. It must’ve been a mistake, she thought at the time. But that mistake happened, again, and again, and again… 

When she joined the Avengers her eyes were opened to all the pain and terror she had caused. All the people she hurt. Then it dawned on her, what if one of those ‘Don’t do this’ came from her soulmate? What if she had hurt them, or worse, killed them?

The idea terrified her. So she hid those words on her wrist. A reminder of the evil she’s done and the love she’ll never have. She promised herself to never look for her soulmate, she already caused them enough pain, they didn’t deserve to get tangled in the mess that was her life.

And then Vision was created. Him and Wanda got along greatly. He made her happy. They fell in love, or at least that’s what Wanda told herself, that she fell in love with him. It was possible, there’s no rule on the Soulmate Theory that says you can only fall in love with your soulmate. Plus, Vision is not human, so he doesn’t have words written on his wrist, he doesn’t have a predestined soulmate, technically he doesn’t even have an actual soul for this sort of thing. They could be each other’s soulmate. A loophole on this stupid theory.

Why didn’t it feel like that though? Why was she questioning it so much? And why now? Three days before her wedding?

She took off the bracelets and stared at the ink, brushing her fingers lightly over it. She loved Vision, she affirmed to herself. She wants to marry him. This is what she wants. And she believes in these words, for a while. Long enough for her to fall asleep, turning off her brain from overthinking the situation too much.

Work has had you occupied all week. With back to back meetings and loads of paperwork to fill out, you’ve barely had time to think of anything else.

But now it seems like everything is done and you have more free time than you’d like. 

You left the office early, not having much to do there anymore, and, instead of spending all afternoon home alone, you decided to go out for some coffee.

You were sitting on your usual table in the small coffee shop close to your place. It was calm, quiet and homely, a nice contrast between the places you frequent. The warm cup on your hands did nothing to distract you though.

The book you’d brought was long forgotten on the table as you glanced at your phone every few seconds. It’s two days till the wedding and, even though you tried not to think about it, you hoped your sister would text you saying she broke it off. It was unlikely, but wishing she could get some sense knocked into her wouldn’t kill.

You were so focused on your thoughts that you didn’t notice a woman glancing at you until you caught her trying to call your attention.

“It’s you!” She said, astonished, pointing to the cover of a magazine showing a picture of you.

Recognizing that issue as being a rather old one, you just nodded and offered the woman a friendly smile. She took that as an opportunity to approach you.

“Hi. Sorry,” she sounded excited and also nervous for bothering you, “I just wanted to say what an inspiration you are to women all around, to me especially. I’ve been opening my own business and seeing what you do has been such an encouragement to me. So, thank you!” 

You were surprised by how nice she was. You’d expected her to ask you to invest in her business or something, like everyone who approaches you does, but she didn’t and it was a nice change of pace for once.

“What kind of business are you opening?” You asked. Listen to her talk would be a good distraction, plus, you could use the company.

“Oh, no, that’s ok,” she said, “I don’t want to bother you any further.”

“Please,” you urged, “I have the rest of my day off and I could use someone to talk to. Unless you’re busy, then I wouldn’t want to be a burden to you.” You laughed to ease the woman’s nerves.

“Sure?” You nodded and gestured to the empty seat across from you. 

She accepted it and you spent at least an hour talking before she had to leave. It was a pleasant conversation, she praised your work but didn’t refrain from giving some interesting criticism on your business. The topic of an investment or a partnership never even came up. 

It got your sister out of your mind for a while, although it didn’t last long.

Laying on your bed, your eyes fought to stay open, your mind swirling with all possible scenarios regarding Oli. She would be miserable if she went through with this, and you couldn’t do anything about it.

You love your sister, you care so much about her, but she refuses to listen to your warnings. You could swallow your pride and go to the wedding. You could try and support her. But that would just make an accomplice to her stupidity and you’re not going to just stand there and pretend that that’s ok.

You thought about texting her, way too many times. But your relationship is already rocky as it is, the least you could do is hope she gets some clarity on her own.

One day till the wedding. She’s 24 hours away from the happiest day of her life. Why is it, then, that Wanda doesn’t feel as happy as she should be. 

She didn’t have to fake a smile, she was happy, but that smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. 

None of the others seemed to notice it. They just thought it was the nervousness of having everything set so the day could run smoothly. Vision even brought up the possibility of her having cold feet about it, but she denied it thoroughly, assuring him she wanted this.

And she does. She wants to get married, have kids and build up a family of her own. She wants it all. 

It still seemed weird though. Like something was off. 

“Steve just called,” Nat interrupted her thoughts, walking back into the room, “everything is set, prepped and organized for tomorrow.”

“Let’s try on the dress then.” Carol urged the girl to put on the piece of clothing for the millionth time.

It did her justice. Slim at the top and flowy at the bottom, accentuating all her curves perfectly. It wasn’t big and puffy but light and delicate. She smiled at her own reflection as the other women crammed around her to take a look.

“You look beautiful.” Pepper said in awe. 

“She does, doesn’t she.” Laura agreed, even though she’s the one that helped her choose it.

Wanda didn’t say anything, just smiling and appreciating her own image, excitement growing on her chest from wearing it in front of everyone the next day.

The girls spent hours planning how they would do her hair and makeup. There were so many ideas, disagreements and arguments that Wanda was completely drained by the end of the day. She was happy though, to see her friends being there for her, eager to help and make sure everything was perfect.

It was nice to have people around since she lost so much throughout the years.

After the women were gone and she found herself alone, Wanda’s thoughts from the beginning of the day came back, hitting her like a train.

Was she really more excited about wearing a dress than about getting married? Was this a sign of her actually getting cold feet? 

She shrugged them away, affirming to herself these are just stupid uncertanties people always get before their wedding day. At least that’s what happens in movies, so nothing to worry about... right?

Thankfully your work slump had subsided as now a gigantic pile of papers sat on your table. Some contracts had to be restructured and a set of stores had to be chosen to distribute your newest technology. 

You thrived in that scenario, with countless reports and 2D drawings of the prototypes scattered about the room. Your mind was going a thousand miles a minute, seemingly unaware of the events that would take place later that day.

That peace, however, was short lived. Your brain short circuited for a second when you checked what had caused your phone to buzz.

Two voicemails. 

From none other than Isaac. 

It was right then that it dawned on you: Oli was marrying that asshole today. In only a couple of hours actually.

Before listening to the messages you started to record your phone screen, maybe he would try to threaten you or something and you could use that to convince Oli to break things off with him. It wouldn’t kill to be precautious.

The first one was sweet, although it almost made you gag, it was sent with good intentions. Isaac was asking you to go easy on Oli, regardless of your feelings towards him, you should be supportive of her and her decisions. Too pretentious for your liking, but sent with good intentions nonetheless.

The second one started awfully weird. Some muffled sounds, things you couldn’t quite make out. Until you heard a loud moan, your eyes going wide as you pushed your phone away from your face. Isn��t it technically ‘bad luck’ to see the bride on the wedding day? You didn’t have time to dwell on those thoughts as the voice on the phone started to moan each other’s names. The woman didn’t sound anything like Oli, because it wasn’t Oli. Isaac was cheating on your sister? And on their wedding day!?

Oh you weren’t about to just let that go. You stopped the recording, thanking your intuition, and quickly ringed Oli.

It rang once… twice… three times… and then voicemail. You tried at least four more times until you figured she just didn’t want to talk to you.

“Marie can you come in here please?” You called your secretary.

A few seconds later she popped her head inside your office.

“How can I help?”

“Can I use your phone!?” You sounded more exasperated than you wished.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to call your sister today?” Damn, that woman knows you too well. You sighed loudly.

“Please… I just…” You trailed off, sounding desperate this time around.

Thankfully Marie gave in and lent you her phone. You typed Oli’s number and rang it, several times, she didn’t pick up once. You were starting to get truly desperate now.

“Do you have the address?” You handed Marie her phone back.

“Here.” She handed you a piece of paper from her pocket. 

It was on the other side of the city, at least a one hour drive. You quickly grabbed your coat, purse and phone, rushing out of the office, only being stopped by a hand wrapping around your wrist.

“Don’t do anything stupid.” You gave her a reassuring smile and a quick nod before making your way to your car. Marie has been working with you since the beginning, she always knew when you were up to nothing good. She also knew that when you set your mind to something, there was no stopping you.

The drive was excruciating. You kept making stupid mistakes and taking wrong turns. Everything seemed to work against you, being it: accidents, red lights, slow drivers, pedestrians. Even the birds chirping around were pissing you off.

You finally reached the venue and stopped the car messily in the front entrance. You quickly ran up the stairs, and almost tripped and fell when you heard the officiant was already performing the ceremony.

You reached the doors and yanked them open, hopefully interrupting the wedding before it was too late.

“Don’t do this!” You screamed at the top of your lungs, nearly breathless. 

The guests all turned towards you, surprised. So did the couple on the podium.

Except those people weren’t Oli and Isaac. You recognized them, Vision and Scarlet Witch, or at least that’s the names they went for on television. You’ve seen them before, doing business with Stark had its perks, but had never been introduced.

You could’ve felt bad, but your stomach was a turmoil of faith and nausea. You were either really early or really late to stop Oli.

“Sorry,” you said, trying to catch your breath, “wrong wedding, carry on.” You turned around to leave, but not before noticing the bride glancing at her own wrist.

You didn’t get the chance to take a single step out the door before her voice filled the silence that had settled.

“It’s you.” You stopped dead on your tracks. Your wrist burning slightly, not the kind of pain to cause discomfort, just enough to be noticeable.

Those words. 

Her looking at her wrist.

Your’s burning now.

You turned back around, earning all kinds of confused glances from the guests. Your eyes fell on the woman, a smirk plastered on your lips.

“Seems like this isn’t the wrong wedding after all.”

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

monster, m | myg, jjk

pairing(s): yoongi x reader x jungkook

summary: Mafia boss Min Yoongi and his bodyguard Jeon Jungkook punish you for being a smartass. Oh, I guess there’s some plot too. Maybe.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; intense smut (fem reader, threesome, unprotected sex [get tested please], creampie); abuse;  non-idol!AU - mafiaaboss!AgustD!Yoongi (black-haired Daechwita AU), longhaired!tattooed!Jungkook; mercenary!reader; Jungkook has a praise kink; you have a pain kink (maybe psycho tbh)

--

You raised an eyebrow at him.

“And?”

He tapped the air with his black card.

“Order anything you like.”

A beat passed in silence. You shut the leather menu you were holding and placed it on the table. You closed your eyes slowly and blinked at him.

“I don’t think this date is going to work out.”

You turned and were about to get up from your chair, only to have a gun pointed right between your eyes. The smile the guard gave you was almost angelic with his full lips.

“Jimin, get that gun out of her face.”

You gave Park Jimin a venomous glare. The sunglasses meant you couldn’t see his eyes even if you wanted to. The private room at the restaurant meant there were no one was watching.

“Shoot it. I honestly don’t care.”

“We both know that’s what you’re really aiming for.”

After a long moment, you turned back around to face him. Him and his scar over his right eye. A fresh reminder every time that you were the one who did that. His brown eyes seemed dead.

“How long do you plan on acting like a bitch?”

He spun the black card against the table. You hated it when he flexed how much money he had and he knew it. He didn’t do it because he was arrogant. He did it because he knew it pissed you off.

“I don’t know, how long do you plan on keeping me?”

He shrugged casually. The card spun and spun like a tiny black tornado. Then it made a sharp snap as he slammed it to the table. His eyes flickered up to you.

“Forever.”

Min Yoongi.

You were supposed to kill him and you got caught. The only time you had ever been caught. In your defense, it wasn’t because you were bad at your job. You almost had him. The scar proved it. At this point, it didn’t matter if you killed him or not. Your original contact was now dead. Min Yoongi owned everyone who as anyone in the city. Blackmail, money, whatever it took. Maybe mafia boss was too cliché of a title for him. You, on the other hand, didn’t care what he did. It wasn’t as if you were some kind of angel either. Min Yoongi was just supposed to be another number to add to the list of people you killed for money.

And, well, there was no meaning to that money now, considering he basically owned the banks.

You were pretty sure there was something wrong with you. Something was a little off. People didn’t become mercenaries out of the goodness of their hearts, after all. Maybe you caught on to killing a little too easily and felt a little too little. Maybe causing chaos was a little too fun. A little bit of an anarchist, perhaps.

Yoongi cocked his head at you, his black hair covering his eyes a little. He had been trying to convince you to work for him all this time, but you didn’t see a point in it. He had nothing to give you. Money? There was nothing to buy and nowhere to go. Fame? Not quite the title you wanted as a mercenary. Power? Fleeting as far as you were concerned. Freedom?

Oh, no, Yoongi wasn’t going to let you have that.

“You can play along or I can have Jungkook play with you. Take your pick.”

You flinched. The only reason Yoongi wasn’t six feet under was because of that little shit who interrupted you. Knocked your aim off, caused you to slash instead of stab. A single second later and you were trapped in his muscular thighs, passing out from a triangle choke and armbar combination. It wasn’t just that you were bested. It was that you were bested so easily and without even being able to fight back.

Fucking little bastard.

Yoongi smirked.

“I could go for a game of Go Fish right now,” you sneered.

Yoongi raised an eyebrow. “Ah, you really want it to be like this, don’t you?” He tipped his head and Jimin stepped out. Panic shot through you like lightning. Aw, shit. Yoongi watched your emotions change in an instant. He hadn’t meant play in the innocent sense, after all.

“It pains me more than it pains you.”

You made a face at him. “Shut the fuck up.”

The door slid open.

“Hey, hyung, what’s up?”

And in Jeon Jungkook sauntered. Black oxfords snapping against the hardwood floor. Black hair long and messy, wearing black slacks, matching black vest, and a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He didn’t even bother to hide all the tattoos on his right arm. He gave you a cocky smile and looked over to Yoongi for instruction. Suddenly the short black dress Yoongi told you to wear was much too small and much too tight.

Yoongi tapped his fingers against the table.

Out of the two, you definitely preferred Yoongi. Mostly because Yoongi could be satiated.

You inhaled deeply. “I’ll behave.”

Yoongi’s lips curved into a sly smirk. “Begging, are you?”

“I was stating a fact. I don’t beg.”

Wrong answer. But, of course, you said it because you had too much pride to not to be a smartass. Yoongi smiled. His hand stopped moving.

“Are you hungry, Jungkook?”

“What about you, hyung? You haven’t eaten yet,” Jungkook asked inquisitively, hands in his pockets. “I couldn’t eat before you.”

Ugh. They all loved Yoongi like he was some sort of soft animal that needed to be protected. Even Jungkook, who Yoongi let do what he wanted because he was the youngest. You were sure Yoongi had to clean up some messes Jungkook made, which was why he wanted to use you. You were clean in conduct, diverse in methods, and apathetic to the cause. The perfect tool.

The problem was, he couldn’t convince you to do jack shit.

Yoongi took his card and calmly filed it into his wallet. Even though all of his guards were elegantly dressed, Yoongi was in an olive-green jacket, dark green shirt, and grey jeans. Silver accessories. No one could even guess how important he was.

And you? Tight, short, black dress with thin straps. Black heels. No jewelry. Smokey eye makeup and dark red lip. Not quite gaudy hooker, not quite rich wife either. A strange in-between.

Yoongi placed his hand flat on the table. Slowly, he turned It around and curled his fingers toward himself in a beckoning motion.

“Come here.”

You knew he was talking to you. He knew it, you knew it, Jungkook knew it. Jungkook’s dark brown eyes followed Yoongi’s hand, up the length of the table, and then to you. His lips curved into an amused smile. Like a predator to prey. You glared at the two of them. You never listened. You weren’t going to start now.

“You should listen to hyung, you know,” Jungkook purred, taking a step towards you.

“I hear every word he says,” you retort, standing up.

Yoongi tilted his head. Just a few steps and Jungkook kicked your chair aside, pressing his body against you. Hard, unrelenting, hot breath down your neck. You didn’t even look at him.

“Don’t even think about it.”

You narrowed your eyes at Yoongi, facing him as you responded to Jungkook’s words.

“I told you I’m no longer interested in murdering him.”

Yoongi gave you an open-mouthed smirk.

“You regret it now, don’t you?” Yoongi drawled slowly.

One second you were simply standing there. The next you were twisting out of the way as Jungkook tried to pin you against the wall, knee up to defend against Jungkook’s inevitable kick. Jungkook growled, grinning as he dove again. You went low, elbowing him in the thigh to throw off his balance and slam him into the floor. Or would have, if Jungkook wasn’t sturdy enough to simply take it and he drove his shoulder into your chest. You hissed at the contact of shoulder to sternum, already bracing your body as you slid across the floor due to your heels.

You felt a hand grab you by the hair and yank hard, making you hiss in pain as you went down hard on your knees. Fighting Jungkook always took all your concentration. It wouldn’t be that way if he wasn’t such a skilled fighter. Yoongi, however, was an impatient and dishonorable man.

Yoongi held on to your hair and pulled up, dragging you to your feet and slamming you against the table. You let him do it because, well, it was going to become a beating if you continued. Also, Yoongi was more lenient when he thought he was the stronger one. But you didn’t give him the satisfaction of you yelping in pain, even if your ribs felt like they were rattling.

“I think I would be worried if you didn’t try to fight for once,” Yoongi grunted, grabbing your upper arms and dragging you up the table. You tried to twist out of his grasp but Jungkook suddenly appeared between your legs and pinned your arms down.

“Ah, hyung, couldn’t you pick someone more… docile?” Jungkook complained with a pout as you panted with exertion.

Yoongi chuckled. “Are you trying to tell me you want her?” There was a dangerous edge in his voice.

“I’m only saying it would be easier for you,” Jungkook muttered, forcing your legs in their spread position as you were perched at the edge of the table. Hs eyes flitted to yours and it was obvious – the second Yoongi released you from his grasp, Jungkook would be ready to pounce.

“Take what you can get,” Yoongi growled. Coldness touched your skin as Yoongi flipped his switchblade out, slicing through the thin straps of the dress. You gritted your teeth as Yoongi’s face appeared in your vision. “I was going to let him eat you out but I’ve decided against it thanks to your antics.”

“Fuck you,” you snarled.

Yoongi shrugged. He pointed to your upper arm, tapping the implant under your skin with his blade.

“You can go in raw, Jungkook. Finally had Hoseok install it.”

Jungkook took his hands off your arms and began to unbutton his pants. “Seokjin-hyung is going to be really mad if we fuck in his restaurant,” he warned.

Yoongi scoffed. “Then I’ll let him have a taste too if he’s feeling upset.”

“This will not make me tame,” you hissed, looking up to him.

Yoongi gave you an almost-bored look. “That’s not what I’m looking for.”

You gasped as Jungkook yanked your dress up, ass hitting the table. Yoongi laid your arms one over the other above your head so he could hold them with one hand. The other laced around your neck, pushing your head up and forcing you to arch your back uncomfortably. Each silver ring cut into your skin painfully and you growled at him, even as Jungkook pulled out his switchblade and tore your panties to ribbons.

Yoongi leaned down, lips against your ear. His tongue slid out, curling around your earlobe. You stiffened, breathing swallow. He knew how to get you wet. He paid attention to detail, gently nibbling at your ear, listening to the change in your breathing as you gave in to him. You were human after all. You had your erogenous zones. You barely registered Jungkook cutting up the length of your dress, exposing your breasts to the cold. Your nipples hardened as Yoongi blew softly against your ear, whispering your name, almost pleadingly. It didn’t matter if he didn’t mean it.

“Don’t you wish it was me between your legs?” he breathed.

You sank your teeth into your lower lip, trying to control yourself. Your hand found his shirt and clutched a fistful of it in response. Yoongi chuckled and straightened, only to see Jungkook watching your pussy in fascination.

“Ah, so disappointing I can’t eat her out,” Jungkook pouted. “Looks so tasty.”

Yoongi chuckled. “Maybe next time, Jungkook.”

You could hear Jungkook’s pants falling to the floor, but you were still staring at Yoongi, holding onto his shirt. Yoongi seemed to notice your gaze and looked down at you with a smirk.

“What’s the matter? Ready to tell me you love me?”

You let go, scowling. “As–fuck!”

Jungkook entered you with one swift thrust, no stretching out, no warning, just hard dick shoved straight in. You gritted your teeth, breaking out of Yoongi’s grip and grabbing Yoongi’s shirt with both hands, struggling to adjust as Jungkook grabbed your hips and began to fuck you without remorse. You had never taken in someone raw before, and certainly not Jungkook’s rough, wild thrusts. Yoongi held you in place calmly by your neck as you struggled to not make a sound, feeling every vein and every thick inch of muscle pumped into you with vigor.

Jungkook, on the other hand, groaned lustfully as he fucked you, eyes closing as he felt your pussy clamp around him, tight and pulsing.

“Oh, fuck, hyung, it feels so good,” Jungkook moaned, throwing his head back, muscles bulging in his dress shirt and vest. His right hand dug into your hip, tattoos flexing with his tanned skin.

“Are you a spoiled boy, Jungkookie?” Yoongi drawled, voice low. He always watched. It didn’t matter who it was. He liked to watch.

“Yes, hyung.” Jungkook liked to be watched. He had a little bit of a praise kink when it came to his hyungs. He loved Yoongi, as they all did. Maybe a little too much. “Thank you, hyung.”

And well, Yoongi was clever. Even through you never told him directly, it was obvious you loved pain in all senses of the word. Delivering it, receiving it, all of it. Giving you the birth control implant was your gift as much as it was his. He could hear it, the strained moans you stubbornly kept in your throat, the wetter and wetter slapping of Jungkook’s hips against your own, watching with interest as Jungkook’s angry red cock thrust into you over and over.

He held your neck, slowly tightening. Your mind was fogging up, forced to feel the painful pleasure of Jungkook repeatedly pounding you into the table, his cock swelling inside you. Black spots danced on the edges of your peripheral vision, clouding your thoughts.

Jungkook bit his lip, digging his nails into your hips as he came with a groan. You sucked in a sharp breath, feeling hot strings of cum shooting into you, filling you up as he pulled out with a hiss, cum dripping out of you.

He was still hard.

Yoongi let go of your neck and pulled out of your grasp. Before you had time to collect yourself, Jungkook was pushing you on top of the table, flipping you over so you were on your hands and knees. Your shredded clothes fluttered to the floor, heels still on as Jungkook climbed onto the table, pants at his ankles. You could hear his cum plop onto the table from your dripping pussy. A loud scrape and you looked up to see Yoongi repositioning the chair so he could witness your face.

He caught your eye but before you could lash out, Jungkook grabbed one arm and pinned it behind your back, shoving his cock into you once more. You gasped sharply, biting your tongue as Jungkook began to fuck you again, slowly rolling his hips into your cum-filled pussy. He moaned, feeling the extra slickness of your walls painted in his orgasm. Yoongi observed with interest, not looking away. Jungkook leaned down, hand snaking between your thighs.

“Don’t you dare,” you growled, more to Yoongi than Jungkook, but both ignored you. You felt Jungkook’s nail scrape against your clit and you stiffened despite not wanting to reveal that he found the right spot. Jungkook chuckled, voice dropping several octaves.

“Scream for me.”

He pinched your clit and you clamped down hard on your tongue, squeezing your eyes shut as you slammed your fist onto the table. He thrust into you, hard, making you see stars. Every muscle tensed as you struggled to keep in your noises, furrowing your brow as Jungkook pinched and flicked your clit, abusing it. You could feel your pussy clenching and throbbing around his cock, unable to control yourself as you came with a muffled scream. Liquid gushed down both of your thighs, the squelching sounds becoming louder. It was obscene.

Yoongi’s trademark open mouthed smirk appeared as Jungkook came once again, driven by your orgasm. You were filled up once again by his cum, gasping at the sensation of so much inside you. And Jungkook still didn’t stop, slowly beginning again, moaning at the sensitivity of his cock from the back-to-back orgasms. He let go of your abused clit and grabbed your hips. The first slap made you hiss, nails digging into your palm. He kept going, smacking your ass in between thrusts to feel your walls tighten.

“Such a spoiled boy doing such a good job,” Yoongi purred. Jungkook whimpered at the compliment, looking up to see Yoongi nodding in satisfaction.

“Are you hard, hyung?” Jungkook whined, voice softening when addressing the older man.

“Mm-hmm,” Yoongi hummed, spreading his legs a little to readjust. Jungkook watched him closely, trying to see his erection through Yoongi’s jeans. The thought made him even harder inside you. You squeezed his cock and he groaned, shoving himself all the way inside you.

“Let me see,” Jungkook pleaded, raking his nails down your back. You grunted in pain and glared at Yoongi.

Yoongi chuckled. “You want to see it that bad, Jungkookie?” He dragged out the younger man’s name, low and teasing.

“Please,” Jungkook moaned, gripping your side so tight you gasped. “Oh, please, hyung.”

Yoongi glanced at you, amused at your silent scowl telling him to give the man what he wanted. He unbuttoned his jeans lazily. Slowly pulling down the zipper, lifting his hips a bit to slide it down enough to reveal his black boxer briefs. They could see it now, the growing erection straining against his underwear.

Jungkook groaned, rolling his hips into you and hitting your deepest spot. You almost moaned, eyes fixated on Yoongi’s crotch. Jungkook did it again, mumbling to Yoongi.

“Please…”

Yoongi palmed himself through his underwear, taking his time. He leaned back, exhaling deeply as he ran his large hand over his clothed erection. Jungkook was whimpering, desperate for more.

“Hyung…”

Yoongi cocked an eyebrow and sighed, giving in. He always gave in to the youngest. He pulled down his underwear, letting his hard cock spring free. You felt breathless at the sight. Maybe it was Jungkook’s multiple orgasms getting to your head. But it was always like this. Yoongi always made you wait to see his cock. He knew how to make you blind to your own desperation, growing the hungry desire to see Yoongi’s ringed hand encircle his throbbing, beautiful cock, eyes half-lidded in arousal.

Jungkook moaned again lustfully, his pace increasing again now that he knew that he was the catalyst to making Yoongi hard.

“Harder, Jungkook. Fuck her rougher.”

Jungkook obeyed, slamming his hips into you so hard that the whole table shook despite being solid wood. You choked on air, feeling the cum dripping out of you as Jungkook began to fuck you wildly and with reckless abandon, hitting your most sensitive spots. And Yoongi, in all his audacity, continued to watch, still holding his cock. He noticed your gaze and he stoked himself slowly, making you bite down on your lip to avoid moaning. You shoved your cheek against the cool wood of the table, shuddering as you came, overwhelmed by pain and pleasure.

Jungkook hissed, shooting you full of cum once again. The sensation of being so full intoxicated you and you let out and soft whimper, hoping neither of them heard you. But, of course, Yoongi heard you.

Yoongi purred your name softly. You looked up at him, breathing hard, legs shaking. At this point your makeup was messy and your lips a little smeared, hair messy from fucking. He grinned as you winced, feeling Jungkook pull out of you. Jungkook was still semi-hard, the animal.

“Come here,” Yoongi said once again.

You had snarky comments prepared. You had you retorts all filed away. But the sight of Yoongi holding his hard cock, eyes smokey with lust made you forget all of them. Every muscle hurt from your constant strain of staying silent, refusing to let them hear you cries of pleasure. But your resolve was cracking now, seeing Yoongi’s want. You crawled off the table, ignoring Jungkook who was readjusting himself behind you. There was only Yoongi.

“Hold it in,” Yoongi commanded.

You walked towards him, trying not to hobble in your heels. Even now, you were prideful of how you presented yourself. You clenched your pussy tight, not letting Jungkook’s cum fall as you approached the black-haired man.

Yoongi removed his hand and patted his thigh. Wordlessly, you slid onto his lap, your hand lightly guiding him to your entrance. You placed one hand on his shoulder to steady yourself, spying his smug expression out of the corner of your eye.

“Need me that bad, huh?”

“Shut up,” you said hoarsely. Your throat was dry from breathing so hard.

Yoongi chuckled. “I need you too,” he breathed, lips against your cheek.

You sank down on him, eyes rolling back into your head as he filled you up. He was still mostly clothed, the rough denim rubbing against your thighs as you went down. Yoongi moaned in satisfaction, hands trailing up your sides and pressing his thumbs against your nipples. Against your better judgement, a cry left your lips as his cock shoved Jungkook’s cum deeper inside you. You could feel every contour of his cock, every vein pulsating against your walls.

“Mmm, that’s nice,” Yoongi drawled, pressing your nipples down and moving them in small circles. It wasn’t enough. You wanted his mouth on them and he knew it. He smirked. Yep, he wasn’t going to do it either.

You rolled your hips onto his cock. He grinned, pinching your nipples tightly and twisting them. A soft mewl reached your ears – you. Oh, fuck. Yoongi smirked triumphantly.

“Use my cock and get yourself off,” he purred. “You deserve it.”

It was all a trick. A ruse to feed your ego and yet you still did as you were told because he knew how to manipulate you, especially after wearing you out with Jungkook. It wasn’t fair, but Yoongi never played by the rules.

You lifted yourself up and sank back down, breathing hard. All your muscles were sore and yet you still found the energy to thrust your hips into Yoongi, squeezing him tight as you rode him. Yoongi pinched and pulled your nipples, fueling your arousal. He smelled so good, some kind of sharp pine, and it was driving you crazy. With a start, you realized the moans you were hearing were you, saying his name breathlessly over and over.

“That’s it,” Yoongi murmured, eyes half-lidded and smirk on his lips. “Cum for me.”

Shit. If you were in your right mind, you could refuse him, but you were so full of Jungkook’s cum with Yoongi’s dick so deep inside you that you could barely see straight. He kept pinching your nipples, flicking them hard as you went down, shocking your system every time. You came with a cry, gripping his shoulders hard as waves of pleasure raked though you, your entire body shuddering.

“Jungkook, hold her up.”

Yoongi removed his hands from your breasts, only to be replaced by strong, calloused ones. One tattooed, one bare. Jungkook held you firmly. You were panting, unable to look away from Yoongi’s eyes. His scar was an angry red. Those dark brown eyes looked at you like you were his queen, and yet it could all be a lie because Yoongi was a master manipulator. His black hair was pushed back, damp with sweat. He smirked at you, baring his teeth. You had a strange urge to kiss him, but you held back.

“Time to fill you up with me,” he whispered, hands settling on your hips.

The first thrust was slow, languid. Not enough. You bit your lip, feeling Jungkook roll your nipples slowly in between his fingers. Yoongi didn’t just want to fuck you. He wanted to drive you crazy. He wanted you to lose your mind. He sank in again, hissing with satisfaction. He made his cock throb inside you, your muscles clenching automatically in response. Jungkook ran his nail over your nipple and you could feel yourself becoming wetter with every passing second. Yoongi’s lips parted, a low, guttural growl clawing its way out of his throat. It was gravelly and deep.

“The implant was a good idea, wasn’t it?”

You gasped as he thrust in particularly deep.

“First time my cum will be mixing with Jungkook’s, deep inside you.”

Against your better judgement, you whimpered at his words. Fuck. Yoongi grinned, cocking an eyebrow.

“You like that, hm? Being pumped to the brim with cum?”

Before you could respond, Jungkook moaned behind you, pinching your nipples hard. You winced as Yoongi increased the pace, rolling his hips into you easily.

“Wonder how much you can take,” Yoongi drawled, eyes boring into yours. “Should I tie you up and let them all fuck you one by one? See how much cum you can keep in that pussy of yours before I fuck it all out of you?”

You hissed, feeling Jungkook grip your breasts and flick your nipples hard.

“Hyung, don’t get my hopes up…”

There was no way that the wet squelching noises between your hips were only your juices. You could smell Jungkook’s cum dripping down Yoongi’s cock.

“Or would you rather only have Jungkook?” Yoongi purred. He didn’t miss your eyes flashing at his suggestion. He chuckled deeply. “I’m always curious how far Jungkookie’s stamina goes.”

Jungkook was losing it behind you, groaning, pinching your nipples and ramming his clothed crotch into your back. He was rock hard, desperate for friction. Yoongi continued to fuck you, pace increasing ever so slowly.

“I want to see you on your knees,” Yoongi sneered, “Face into the ground, ass in the air, cum overflowing out of you and falling to the floor.”

You gasped, jerking forward from the force of Jungkook’s movements, your lips against Yoongi’s ear and his against yours. Harder, rougher. His lips touched your ear, tongue tracing your earlobe.

“And then I’m gonna fuck you,” he murmured, voice low and deep. “Fuck you until you can’t walk or see straight, and then wait for you to recover, only to do it again.”

You moaned into his ear, softly, falling apart to his words and his tongue.

“Yoongi, please…”

That wasn’t Jungkook. That was you, breathlessly begging into Yoongi’s ear, so quietly that Yoongi was sure Jungkook couldn’t hear you.

He waited, pumping his cock in and out of you roughly, smacking your hips together.

“Please fill me up with you.”

Yoongi made sure to chuckle right into your ear before he slammed you down hard onto his hips, shooting hot strings of cum inside, cock twitching mercilessly against your walls. You moaned his name, hands tangled in his black hair, whining as he pumped you full. He always had so much. You suspected he let it build up on purpose.

He pressed his lips against your ear. You could feel his infuriating smirk.

“Mine.”

-

click here for part ii --

masterpost

[surveysonfleek]

1661.

How much did your senior prom dress cost you? it was $350 which to me was so expensive! my mum bought it for me as a graduation gift though. later i heard some girls had $800+ dresses, so ridiculous

What dreams have stuck with you since childhood? i cant think of any rght now but im sure theres some

Have you ever been in a serious romantic relationship? yes

Did you ever take your dog to school? no, that wouldve been awesome though!

If you had had a baby in high school, what would you have named him or her? hahaha no idea. prob something i wouldve regretted now

If you had a baby now, what would you name him or her? ive saved my girl name, idk about a boy name yet although i kinda love unisex names too

Have you ever seen someone throw up on a plane? nope

Do you get motion sickness? not often but i have

Has God ever healed you of anything? If so, what? no lol

What is the most boring church you have ever attended? all of them, lets be real

What is the most lively church you have ever attended? a neighbour asked me to tag along to her church as a ‘youth’ thing back in high school to which i agreed to. everyone was super friendly, they played live music a lot etc, after i went there for a couple of months they had some big event one night and they were like, do whatever u feel etc. much to my surprise people started fucking fainting and speaking in tongues... i noped the fuck out of there and sat in the bathroom fucking scared out of my wits. i never went back

Do you find church fun or boring? boring

What do you hate the most about summer? the heat obviously

Which part of your body is the most muscular? my calves i thinking hahaha

Did you ever take Latin in school? no

Which major holiday is closest to your birthday? christmas

What is your favorite Japanese name? miyako

Have you ever ran a cash register? yes

Did you collect Bratz dolls when you were younger? i never had a bratz doll tbh. i was team barbie all the way

Do you think your mom is attractive? she was definitely more beautiful than i ever was when she was my age!

What was the last thing that disappointed you? ugh idk

Do you like the feeling in your stomach on a big drop on a roller coaster? i love and hate it at the same time

Skeletons or scarecrows? scarecrows

Do you own pumpkin earrings? no

What computer game did you used to play all the time? the sims

When was the last time you read a book? like a month ago but i didnt finish it

Would you allow your children to date prior to 16? (assuming you want any) it really depends on the situation. do i know this kid, what would they be doing, where are they hanging etc

What was the last restaurant you made a reservation at? hmmm. this all you can eat sushi resto i think

Which app on your phone do you tend to get the most notifications from? tiktok

What is something you gave up on after many failed attempts? paint by numbers. i attempted a few during lockdown and they never looked good and took forever to do

Do you watch political shows? nah, rarely

Do you play any fantasy/roleplaying games? What? no

Do you like salami? i dont mind mild salami but would still prefer ham, proscuitto, serano, coppa etc

When was the last time you ate meat? tonight

What was the last hot drink you drank? chai latte

Have your parents met your boyfriend/exes? yes

How about your boyfriend’s parents? Met them? yes

Do you know how to say I love you in at least 4 languages? hmm yes!

Do you find the sound of a cat’s purr relaxing? haha no, i dont like cats

Do you know your mum’s first pet’s name? i dont think she ever had a pet that was only hers, a lot of her siblings had pets instead

Would you ever want to be famous? If so, for what? not really, that used to be my lifelong dream as a kid and im kinda glad it never went ahead haha

Would you ever get a heart tattoo or your back? nah

What fruit can’t you stand? anything sour. most berries, kiwi etc

Do you know anyone autistic? yea

How about someone bipolar? hm idts, not fully diagnosed anyway

What do you consider private to you? my health

Name somebody you know who deserves a better life than they have: im drawing a blank rn but im sure theres someone

Name something that you’re good at but don’t like: idk :(

Name something that you’re bad at but DO like: spending money bahaha

Name somebody who has tried to help you and ended up hurting you: i cant think of anyone

Name a date that has a lot of significance to you: 7 sept

Name something in your life that was a blessing in disguise: idk

Name something that you’ve done that would be considered rebellious: sold school raffle tickets and kept the money for myself

Name something you wish you had enough money to do: buy a new car or plan my dream wedding without money being an issue

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Meant to be (G.D.)

Summary: There is a reason why the road not travelled seems more appealing, why the past might trick us into believing if we had made different choices, or just done one thing differently, that our lives would be better for it. There is a reason they say ‘Careful what you wish for’ and Grayson is about to find out exactly what it means to have all his dreams come true. Question is, what’s the cost?

Warnings: swearing, mentions of alcohol, sexual innuendoes, angst, fluff

Word count: 21k

===========================

Regrets are a weight on the heart and a curse on the mind. They bring out the past over and over again, always tormenting its victims with what ifs and promises of a better life. But it always comes at a cost, it always asks for a sacrifice. It drags its victim away from the beauty of their life, forcing them to wonder...

What if…

It's only two words, six letters, but they can change a person. ‘What if’ is a reminder of all the mistakes, of all the roads not taken and while they may not be as good as reality, one would always ponder on the possibility of something more.

What if...

What if..

What if?

For Grayson, his ‘what if’ had always been a little down the road, back when he was just a teenager and his choices were far simpler. Life was simpler, happier.

Becoming a YouTuber didn't entirely fulfill the dreams he once had. It gave him money, women, fame, but it took away his peace of mind and a quiet suburban life with the love of his life.

At least he found the love of his life. Or so he hopes. 

He's been wrong too many times before to dare say the L word now, but being with Ella feels right. Almost right. He'll never get his perfect life even if she is the one and it has nothing to do with her but the choices he's made before they ever met.

Too often would Grayson watch her sleep and question if he should feel guilty about his ‘what if’. Would she judge him for the inner workings of his mind? Would she feel like their relationship is a lie? Like she isn’t enough? 

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" Her raspy voice brings a smile on his face and the thoughts aren't as loud as they were before. No one could ever quiet Grayson’s mind like Ella can. It’s as easy as breathing for her, a single look sent his way and Grayson couldn’t focus on anything other than Ella. 

"Some past choices." Grayson never lied to Ella. When they met, she demanded he be honest with her, always. 

Reluctant, Grayson shared his earnest opinions and in time, he realized Ella is right; honesty is the best policy. It helped their relationship develop on a solid foundation, allowing them to grow together. For once, Grayson didn’t want to date every girl with a heartbeat, his attention focused elsewhere - on Ella.

"Like what?" She tilts her head up, her chin resting on his chest and her brown eyes meet his, a look he always cherished. Ella was always quiescent, a snowflake that he protected with his life.

She had the kind of eyes that made a man weak in the knees and while she was bitter about the mundane color, Grayson never saw a more beautiful shade. There was nothing mundane about her.

"Like the time Ethan and I thought we'd go to that private school on a sports’ scholarship." Sighing, Grayson runs his fingers down her back, playing with the strap of her bra. It's black and lacy, the kind she'd wear to seduce him and yet she's not trying. Ella could sense Grayson needs intimacy, conversation, not sex. She knew him so well, read him like an open book.

"If you did that, you'd probably never be a YouTuber. You wouldn't have the money, the fame, the experiences you have now." Biting her lip, she pauses before speaking timidly, "You wouldn't have the people you have now." 

Swallowing thickly, Grayson noticed the sudden change in her demeanor, the flicker of hurt in those earthy hues enough to make him realize she's thinking of the possibility of them not meeting.

“You really think you can get rid of me that easily?” He pursed his lips, eyes narrowing ever so slightly as her expression dulled. 

Grayson wasn’t sure if he believed it, but Ella did and he had to remind her, to make her smile so he wouldn’t feel like he’s drowning in the unshed tears forming in her eyes. 

“You always say that people who are meant to be", Grayson starts and she rolls her eyes playfully, a small smile appearing on her lips.

"Will find their way in the end, I know." Groaning, she rolls on her back, her head resting on her pillow. 

Raising an eyebrow, Grayson moves to his side, towering over her with a lopsided grin. "Should I be upset you just chose your pillow over my chest?"

"Should I be upset you're thinking of a life without me?" She challenges, her left eye narrowing ever so slightly as she stares at him. It's as if she's daring him to move, to take these thoughts out of her head. After so many obstacles they’ve managed to overcome, she couldn’t help the hurt his admission caused. She never once thought about anything other than a life with him.

"I don't think of a life without you, Ella", Grayson's smile falls, his voice deeper, "I believe we would have met either way. You're everything", lowering his head on her chest, his hand rests on her stomach, "We are meant to be."

Fingers treading through his hair, Ella sighs, "I think you're wrong. To be meant for someone means more than just meeting each other. It's the circumstances, it's the experiences that have shaped your preferences and character."

"I'd still fall for your pretty eyes and crazy laugh", Grayson argues, his eyes focusing on the birthmark between her breasts, yet another thing she hated and he loved about her. That would never change.

"I'm not sure I'd go for a jock tho", she states and his head snaps up to meet her gaze only to notice her lips twitching in an attempt to suppress a laugh. Just as she sees the questioning gaze, Ella bursts into laughter, coercing Grayson to do the same. He loved her witchy like cackle she calls a laugh, it's impossible not to laugh when he hears it.

And so, with a laugh filled night, Grayson settles beside Ella as he drifts off. Her words run through his head, wondering if it's true. 

Would they still be together if he hadn't moved to Los Angeles to be an influencer?

As his consciousness fades, Grayson mutters under his breath, completely unaware that his life would forever be changed.

"I wish Ethan and I got the scholarship."

There’s a reason they say be careful what you wish for and Grayson was about to learn the hard way.

--------

"Ugh", Grayson moans, feeling like death. His head hurts, his muscles are aching as if he had run a marathon and his mouth is dry.

"Ella?" He calls out, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he rolls on his back, "Babe, I think I'm sick."

"You're not sick, you're hungover", Ethan chuckles and Grayson's eyes open wide.

"Fuck you talking about?" He squints and raises an eyebrow, noticing Ethan in a bed just a few feet away. His lips part, eyebrows furrowing as a faded scar between them becomes prominent.

"You drank a shit ton." Ethan reminds him, throwing a shirt his way.

Shaking his head, Grayson realizes it isn't a shirt, not when his last name is on the back of it right above a number.

"This isn't funny, E", Grayson breathes out, eyes fixed on the jersey in his hands. "Where is Ella?"

Sitting up, Ethan shrugs, "That the girl you were messing around with last night?"

Closing his eyes, Grayson feels his heart sink. "Messing around?" 

He wouldn't hurt Ella that way, would he?

"Since when do you even remember their names? What happened to hit it and quit it?" Ethan asks, standing up to grab his phone and Grayson scoffs.

"Now I know you're fucking with me, I'm a one woman man now. You know I'm with Ella. You can end the prank here because I really feel off." Grayson grimaced with the shooting pulsating pain in his head intensifying, wincing as he rubbed his temples to soothe the pain.

Ethan steps closer, concerned for his brother who is looking around the room with confusion. "Did you hit your head or something?"

"I dunno, maybe." Rubbing his forehead, Grayson sighs, "I have a major headache and I need Ella, okay? Where is she?" Standing abruptly, Grayson frightens Ethan into a backward stumble. "Ella?!"

"Fuck, I knew coach should have sent you to the doc!" Ethan runs his fingers through his hair, genuinely scared for Grayson.

Growling in frustration, Grayson reaches for Ethan, his fingers gripping the thin fabric of his shirt as he forcefully pulls him closer, "Cut the shit, where is she?! Huh?!"

Raising his arms in mock surrender, Ethan shakes his head, "I swear I don't know what you're talking about!" Eyes wide, Ethan pushes Grayson. It's not as forceful in fear of hurting him but enough to get the message across. "You never even mentioned an Ella before."

Releasing Ethan, Grayson stumbles back to the bed. Sitting down, a heavy sigh passes his lips as his eyes fall to his feet. His bare feet. "What the", pausing Grayson blinks fast, "Where's my Tame tattoo?!"

"Tattoo? You better not have a fucking tattoo!", Ethan rubs his chin, trying to understand what is happening. "I'M CALLING THE DOCTOR!" Rushing out of the room, Ethan slams the door behind him.

Lips quivering, Grayson takes his shirt off only to find his chest, his arms are void of tattoos. "No, no, no." Pulling his sweats down, he finds his legs just as bare, no ink he had invested years in. "No, NO, NO!"

Scrambling to the bathroom, he stops in front of a mirror only to find his hair is shorter, dark circles around his eyes are prominent and his lips chapped. Flashing his teeth, he finds no tooth gems, "Those cost a fortune!"

"Bro, we gotta get you to a hospital!" Ethan mumbles, running around to find something to wear while Grayson pales. His hands are shaky, his entire body trembling and he can't help but wonder if Ella was just a fever dream he had.

Or this is?

In what world does he still share a bedroom with Ethan? The tattoos, the gems, the jewelry! He didn't even have a hole for an earring!

And Ella? His sweet brown-eyed Ella with the heart of gold? What of her? If there's one thing he's sure of is that he isn't creative enough to dream up someone as perfect as her.

"C'mon, they'll do a CT as soon as we get in." Ethan waves him over, only then noticing Grayson is in his briefs. "Seriously?!"

Groaning, Ethan grabs him by the forearm and pulls him along, throwing clothes in his face.

"I know you're freaking out or whatever but we need to hurry! It's been a day since you took that nasty fall and I know you said you were okay but THIS IS NOT FUCKING OKAY!" Rambling, Ethan stopped. Taking a few deep breaths, he turns to Grayson with tears brimming his eyes. "You’re my brother and I can't lose you."

Nodding, Grayson presses his lips together. He'd argue, ask him if this is some elaborate prank again but it doesn't feel like one. It feels real and that is what scares him. So, reluctantly, Grayson does as Ethan says and he puts on the clothes, following him to the door.

He wasn't sure what to expect, but Grayson finds himself with raised eyebrows and a concerned look on his face once he sees the state of the house they're in. There are people lying around, red cups and beer bottles everywhere and he could have sworn he saw a few used condoms on the floor as well.

"Where the fuck are we?" Grayson whispers and Ethan pales.

"The frat house. We've lived here for three years Grayson!"

Running his fingers through his hair, Grayson has to suppress a groan as he realizes just how short it is. He's used to his floppy hair, it relieved his anxiety to run his hands through his hair and Ella loved to tug on his hair too. She never said anything about the length, so maybe it’s the feeling of her tugging his hair while he goes down on her is for his own pleasure, but he likes to believe she enjoyed it too.

"You said I hurt my head?" Grayson tries, hoping to understand.

"Yeah, during football practice yesterday. Ryan tackled you because you fucked his girlfriend."

Inhaling, Grayson's eyes widen, "The fuck?" 

So far, Grayson understood one thing: that he understands nothing.

-------

“All the scans came back clear. What kind of symptoms are you experiencing?” 

Grayson glances at Ethan, his mind torn. If he admits to what seems to be a crazy theory about him waking up in some hell dimension, the doctor might put him in the psych ward and throw away the key, but if he doesn’t and all the memories of his life and…Ella’s love are just a symptom of his fall, then he might deter the doctor from a proper diagnosis. 

But as Grayson swallows thickly, he shakes his head. Even if everything was a lie, a symptom, is who Ethan says he is truly who he’d want to be? 

From what Grayson gathered, he is a womanizer with no respect for women or their feelings, he’s an egomaniac and very likely has an STD by now. He sounds like a guy with commitment issues and a nasty personality considering he’s been sleeping with his friend’s girlfriend. 

“Just a headache.”

Ethan’s jaw slacks, his eyes narrowing at Grayson, “Are you sure?” He’s speaking from a confused, angered place and Grayson can tell Ethan is about to blow his cover. 

“I’m sure.” Grayson speaks through gritted teeth, his nostrils flared as he gives Ethan a pointed look. “I’m perfectly fine, just had a wild night and a nasty fall. I’ll take a few pills and be fine by Monday.”

“Alright. I’ll clear you to play next week, but keep the head safer next time.” 

A tight lipped smile on Grayson’s face did nothing to alleviate Ethan’s anger. He had brought his brother in for good reason and he just lied to the doctor’s face. Truth be told, Ethan is worried Grayson is having a psychotic break. Instead of ratting him out, Ethan decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and a single day to reassess the situation again. 

Once in the car, Ethan turns to Grayson with raised eyebrows. “Wanna tell me what the fuck that was about?”

Shrugging, Grayson swipes his thumb across his bottom lip, wincing as he does. “Do I have a busted lip too?” 

“Cut the crap, Gray, what the fuck is happening?” Ethan fixes his eyes on Grayson, refusing to start the car before getting a concrete answer to his many questions. “You’re acting like a totally different person. It’s like you’re an alien possessing my brother’s body and I don’t know who the fuck this Ella is but if she did some magic voodoo thing to you, we got a witch to burn!”

Gasping for a breath, Ethan stops but his eyes narrow as Grayson cackles at him and his rant. 

“THIS IS NOT FUNNY, GRAYSON!”

A hand over his chest, Grayson leans back. Attempting to stifle his laugh, he nods, “I know! I know”. Sniffling, Grayson lets out a long sigh before looking to his brother. “If I tell you, you’d think I’m crazy and I’m not! I swear I’m not!”

Licking his lips, Ethan leans back in his seat. Gnawing on his bottom lip, Ethan can’t help the curiosity bubbling up to the surface. Whatever it is, it can’t be that crazy, can it?

“If I promise to listen to you, will you tell me?”

Raising an eyebrow in surprise, Grayson shrugs, “Only if you stop freaking out too.”

“FINE”, Ethan exclaims just as Grayson finishes his sentence, willing to hear his side of the story.

“I think I’m in an alternative universe. Like something got fucked and I’m now in an alternative universe because where I come from we aren’t frat boys with a drinking problem.”

Clearing his throat, Ethan motions with his hand for Grayson to elaborate.

“We moved to Los Angeles in our freshman year of high school and did YouTube and we got famous and rich and I had the most beautiful girlfriend. I was with her and then I woke up here.”

Tapping his fingers on his knee, Grayson looks out of the window, biting his lower lip. “She, uh…She means a lot to me.”

“Okay.” Ethan states, starting the engine.

“Okay?” Grayson furrows his eyebrows, lips parted.

“Yeah, okay. I believe you.” Ethan drew his lower lip between his lips, tapping his hands on the wheel.

Leaning forward, Grayson’s frown deepens, “Just like that?”

“Look, I don’t know Ethan from your universe, but I’m a believer in alternative universes and I do think you’re not exactly my brother. He’s just…different.” Glancing at Grayson, Ethan sighs, “You two are very different."

“Alright, so you want him back, right? You’re gonna help me?” Grayson’s excitement is palpable, enough for Ethan to roll his eyes.

“No, I’ll leave him in an alternative universe with millions at his disposal while I deal with you”, Ethan states, the sarcastic undertones unmistakable. Grayson can’t help but snort, smiling to himself. Even in an alternative universe, Ethan is a sarcastic conspiracy theorist. 

“Any idea where we could start, genius?” Ethan snaps his fingers, irritated with Grayson’s tendency to get lost in his thoughts. 

Grayson’s face blanks, “No clue.”

“How about that Ella you keep mentioning? She your girlfriend?” Ethan doesn’t need to ask twice as he glances at the shit eating grin on Grayson’s face upon the mere mention of her name. “You say you care about her. Are you sure you’re not in love?”

Grayson licks his lips, “I don’t know. How does anyone really know?”

“I think it’s pretty obvious when you fall in love. If you can’t answer that, you might have never truly loved anyone.” Ethan’s words hit home. 

While it sounds callous, it’s also true – did Grayson ever really loved any of the girls he was with? They all seemed like the right one at some point. He told them he loves them, but did he really? In the end, they were all forgotten in a week or two, but Ella? He refused to tell her he loves her even when he thought he did. The word had become cheap, she deserved better ones. 

Is that love? Wanting to find better words to express your feelings? Words that are more than what most throw around like ‘Hello’? Words worthy of the way the mere thought of them brings a smile upon one’s face or their voice makes one’s heart race? 

“Have you ever loved someone?” Grayson asks, curious of his brother’s life. Even if he’s not his Ethan, he is Ethan. 

“Once. It didn’t last, but I did love her.” 

Figuring Ethan isn’t quite ready to talk more on the subject, Grayson decides to drop it. He shouldn’t upset him just for his selfish gain. “I think this happened because I wished to know what would have happened if we never went to Los Angeles and took the scholarships at that private school we were interested in.” 

He wished for his old dreams to come true, and they did. But at what cost?

“You wished for this?!” Ethan raises his voice, letting a little of his frustration out.

“I didn’t know it would actually happen!” Grayson defends, pressing his lips together once he realizes raising his voice isn’t going to do him any favors. “I’m guessing we took those scholarships in this universe?

“Yeah. We got into college on football scholarships but we play lacrosse too.” Ethan tells him, “Wrestling didn’t pan out as we wanted.”

“I met Ella in LA, so that’s probably why she’s not here.” Grayson rubs his temples, closing his eyes shut.

“So? Look her up. If she’s not a dream, she’s gonna be on social media.” Ethan suggests. 

Gnawing on the inside of his cheek, Grayson nods. His eyebrows furrow as he opens up Instagram on his phone. Typing in her username comes up blank. Typing in her name comes out blank.

"Why can't I find her?!" Frustrated, he hits the dash and Ethan huffs, not happy with the way Grayson is treating the car. It may be a flaming pile of shit, but it gets them from point A to point B.

"You're saying you dreamed up a girl you think is real?" Ethan’s not convinced Ella exists. If anything, he’s still a little weirded out with the idea of Grayson not really being his Grayson. He’s trying to believe it all, to trust him on his word and to trust his instincts screaming at him, but it’s hard. It’s really hard.

"She is real!" Grayson exclaims, half panicked as he’s beginning to doubt himself as well. What if Ella found someone else? If he wasn’t there that day they met, who was? 

Glancing at a frustrated Grayson, Ethan feels pity. He may not be his Grayson, but he’s still his brother. In a way. "Google her then."

"If her Instagram account doesn't exist, why would anything exist then? Huh?" What Grayson truly worries about is, what if something happened to her? Maybe she did exist at some point but doesn’t anymore?

"Maybe because it’s Google? Google knows all. If she’s not on there, she was a dream bro." Ethan reasons, parking the car. He turns to Grayson, watching him. Grayson’s pensive, filled with a thousand emotions he cannot put into words and Ethan understands him. He does. 

"Wait...She only got Instagram to follow me! She admitted that!" Grayson exclaims, a little too excited while Ethan remains unimpressed.

"Bro, I love you, but you sound douchier than usual." And that says a lot since he’s been dealing with his douche of a brother. His Grayson is the definition of a douchebag. 

"No, no, she really told me that. So...she wouldn't be in LA either because she said we inspired her to move to follow her dream which would mean she’s back home!" 

Raising his eyebrows, Ethan’s eyes widened, "We inspired her?"

"Yeah, she said if two snotty teenagers could move to LA and make it just by filming videos of themselves she could surely get her book deal." Grayson says it with a smile, feeling nostalgic.

Ethan snorts, "She sounds supportive."

"She really is though." And with that, Ethan notes how Grayson’s voice is warmer when he speaks of Ella. That’s definitely not his brother. His Grayson doesn’t soften up when he speaks about girls unless it’s about Gizmo, their pet bird.

"She’d never tell anyone about the book, but I know she’s been writing it since she was 16 and she actually sold it!" Grayson is also proud of her, boasting about it as if it’s his own success. Ethan can’t help but smile.

"So look for her with that info, you do know where she is from, right?"

"Michigan." The word barely passes his lips as Ethan punches his shoulder, "Owh, what the hell E?!"

"We are in fucking Michigan!" Throwing his arms in the air, Ethan shakes his head. The pent up craziness of the day is starting to drive him up the wall and he can’t even be sure what’s real and what’s not anymore. ”We’re literally Michigan Wolverines!”

"Seriously?! She might be in the same school then!" Clapping his hands, Grayson opens the car door. He jumps out, wildly looking around the parking lot, hoping he’d see her black hair swaying with the wind.

"You're giving me a headache, I hope she's nicer than you." Ethan mumbles, leaning his forearms on the roof of the car, his car door still open.

"You two have been iffy a bit, but you loved her E.”, Grayson turns to him, grinning, “You said it yourself, you love her like a sister but if she touches your vegan rolls again you'd burn the house to the ground."

Lips parting, Ethan’s nose crinkles, "Vegan? She can have them all, why would I fight her on that?!"

Drawing a deep breath, Grayson pinched the bridge of his nose, "Please don't tell me we aren't vegan."

"We are jocks, Grayson, chicken is our religion." Ethan reminds him as he closes the car door, locking it. Walking around the car, he chuckles at Grayson who grumbles about it.

"Just great."

Running a hand through his hair, Ethan averts his eyes to the ground. The pavement is still wet, a reminder of the stormy night from before. "Do I have anyone in your world?"

Grayson smirks, "An Australian model."

"WHAT?!" Ethan steps in front of Grayson, stopping him. 

"Yeah, my reaction too when she decided to date you." Grayson chuckles, amused with the shocked, slightly jealous expression on Ethan’s face.

"Bro, I want an Australian model!"

Laughing wholeheartedly at the whining, Grayson shrugs, "You have her. Well, the other you does."

Throwing his hands up in the air, for the second time in the past ten minutes, Ethan walks ahead, “Fuck this shit.”

Smiling fondly at his brother’s back, Grayson sighs, “At least I know you’re extra here too.”

“What?!” Ethan glances at him over his shoulder and Grayson shakes his head, “NOTHING!”

--

As days passed, Grayson realized one thing: time has its own flow and in that its own beauty, for no man can command it to halt, it can only pass with unique divinity. It’s only been a few nights since he woke up in this strange universe and while days were easy to survive as he spent them on the field and Monday brought classes, nights were much less forgiving.

He misses her – his Ella. 

Time, just as love, is unchangeable – it is there at the end as it was at the start and Grayson doesn’t know how to accept that he might never see Ella again.

He finds himself scribbling her name instead of class notes on his first day of college, attempting to draw her – but the shade of brown in her eyes is never quite right. No matter how hard he tries, nothing he draws will ever come close to the warmth and understanding her eyes and smile held. No one can ever replace the comforting relief that would wash over him whenever she would squeeze his hand or run her fingers through his hair. 

Simply, no one can compare to Ella. No one, possibly not even the alternative universe her…if she exists.

Sighing, Grayson leans back on the tree he sat under. He closes the textbook with her name written a dozen times to give himself reprieve. Being there without her is torment, a special kind of hell Grayson never dreamed he’d be stuck in. 

Ethan has helped him adjust as much as possible, but it seems as if he can never truly fit into this life.

This Grayson is a douchebag, whoring his way through campus with a bottle of tequila in hand and no one bats an eye as long as he scores the winning touchdown. His grades are an average C, but it took him less than a single day to find out it’s because the professors are giving him special treatment. He’s not exactly a model student and plenty of his classmates were surprised he even attended lectures today.

Closing his eyes, he tries to ignore the words in his head reminding him this is karma. He has done enough to get himself rejected from his own timeline and universe. 

Truth be told, he’s ashamed. He wasn’t much better before meeting Ella, either. He’d whore his way through Los Angeles, the difference being non-disclosure agreements he had the girls sign. He might have been sober, but he was drunk on adrenaline of fame that he had given into different obsessions. He became paranoid, mistrustful, hateful and treated his friends as if they owed him something for being a part of his life.

When Ella came around, he changed. It took a while, but Grayson thought he was finally worthy of her. 

Now? Grayson finally understands what she meant when she told him she might not like him as a jock. He didn’t like himself as a jock.

“Hey, six-pack?!”

Grayson’s eyes open wide, his breath caught in his throat as he recognizes that voice. Only one person he knows has that kind of a voice – a raspy voice that is the base of all his happy memories. 

And there she is, Ella – his Ella. Her long black hair is shorter in this universe, falling to her shoulders in waves. Her eyes are just as beautiful as he remembers them to be, like melted honey on a warm sunny day. Her lips are curled into a small smile, gentle yet cautious. 

“Ella?” He breathes out, his hands beginning to shake and she can tell. 

Ella raises an eyebrow, confused as to why would the cockiest man she ever met feel so nervous to see her. He seems to be shocked, maybe even relieved – a contradictory Grayson never was. Not to her knowledge. She always saw him as a one dimensional being – an asshole without a cause. 

“Wanted to bring this back to you”, she reaches into her backpack – a flower themed green backpack she had when they first met. 

Back then, she was but a stranger with a very pissed off look on her face when he slammed into her on the beach as he attempted to catch a ball Ethan sent flying way above his head. He remembers her yelling at him as if it were yesterday, but he also remembers her laughing when he asked for her number when she was done with yelling, breathless. He bought her an ice cream and apologized and ever since then, Grayson never looked at another.

Ella tosses a jersey in his face and Grayson quickly stands up, holding the jersey in his hands. 

“Wait, how do you have this?” He looks at the number – 33 – his number.

Raising both eyebrows, Ella’s eyes widened for a split second, “Wow, you were really drunk off your ass that night, weren’t you?” Leaning in, she steps on her tiptoes as Grayson holds his breath, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone that Grayson Dolan actually did something decent for a change.”

She turns on her heel, taking a few steps further before Grayson’s senses return to him. “Ella, wait!”

“And he remembers my name? I’m impressed!” She giggles, not even turning around as she heard his heavy footsteps just behind her. “Though I don’t remember telling you my name.” That’s when she stops, hands on her hips as she looks at Grayson who looks like he’s lost. “How do you know my name?”

“How do you have my jersey? I asked first”, Grayson reminds her with a lopsided grin and she purses her lips to stop a smile from spreading. While Ella might not be Grayson’s biggest fan, she’s not blind – he’s extremely good looking.

“The other night at the party mean anything to you?” She raises an eyebrow, waiting for Grayson to respond but he just shrugs, a red tint slowly coloring her cheeks. It’s not something he’s used to as Ella was always tan from the LA sun, but she’s much paler than usual.

“Some asshole pushed me in the pool and my shirt got wet and it was very see through. I panicked and ran and stumbled upon you and for some reason you weren’t an asshole about it and lent me the jersey without even trying to stare at my boobs.” Licking her lips, Ella narrows her eyes at Grayson, “Which was very weird, are you alright? Nobody's body snatched you?”

Chuckling, Grayson shakes his head, eyes fixed on Ella. He can’t look away, not even if he tried. “I’m trying to be better.”

“You? Better?” Biting her lower lip, Ella steps closer, “I really wanna believe that”, her raspy voice is like stardust to Grayson. 

He loves hearing her talk, words are her finishing touch to the emotions she usually suppresses but only ever shared with him. It took forever for her to open up to him, but even then it wasn’t as often. So yes, Grayson wished he could tell her how much he would like to listen to her talk. It doesn’t matter what’s it about – something, nothing, he just wants her to talk to him.

Taking her hand, Grayson hears her gasp. He places her palm on his chest, right above his heart. “Please do. I need you to believe in me.” His lips are parted, his eyes clinging to her like a dying man clings to his last breath and she’s looking back at him, her hand is touching him and she’s not fighting the touch.

Until she breaks out in laughter, “That’s a good line! Do you use that on all your little flings?” 

Stepping away from him, she bites her lower lip, almost disappointed. “Don’t spend your best lines on me, Quarterback, I’m not easily swayed and my heart is taken by someone else.”

Sobering words splash into Grayson’s senses as if they were icy water. “Someone else?”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m gonna leave you before someone spreads unflattering rumors about us.” Turning away, Ella takes three more steps before glancing at Grayson over her shoulder. She doesn’t know why she did it, but something inside her told her to look back, to stay – even if it’s for a moment. 

“Thank you for the jersey, Grayson. I’ll remember that.”

And as Grayson stood there, watching Ella leave, he reminded himself that everything he wants is on the other side of determination and consistency. He would show her he’s redeemable and he would win her over. It doesn’t matter what universe he’s in, there is never a time he won’t want her – her light, her kindness, her approval. 

Even if everything's made to be broken, Grayson needs her to believe in him. He needs her to know who he is. 

--

“Sometimes I wonder why I’m with you”, Ella huffs. Arms crossed she rolls her eyes at Grayson before laughing, “Your decoration skills need serious improvement!”

“Ah, you got me worried for a moment”, Grayson reaches out for her. Grabbing her by the arm, he pulls her into his lap.

Chuckling, she wraps her arms around his neck, “Why?”

Licking his lips, Grayson looks down, “Because I wonder why you’re with me.”

“For the same reason you’re with me”, she explains and he furrows his eyebrows as his lips form a tight line. The reason he’s with her is because his soul never felt more at home than when she would wrap her arms around him.

“Boobies?” Grayson teases, earning himself an eye roll.

Cupping his left boob, Ella exclaims, “Yes! Yours are almost as big as mine!”

“Idiot!” Grayson grumbles under his breath. Looking back at it, he knew it was a perfect chance to tell her what she means to him and how grateful he is for her presence but he didn’t. He made it into a joke to hide just how much he needs her and she didn’t deserve that. She deserved a man who could speak his mind and share his emotions, not a coward he turned out to be.

“Awee, you’re not an idiot”, Ethan mocks, “Especially not if you help a brother out.”

“I’m not telling you her name, Ethan.” Grayson turns to his other side, determined to salvage what’s left of the night. He couldn’t sleep, not after knowing his Ella hates him. But is she his? How can she be his when she loves someone else? How can she be his when this Ella hadn’t ever been in his arms? Even if she was, she would be the other Grayson’s Ella. Manwhore Grayson’s Ella. Frat boy, jock’s Ella.

It leaves him with a bad taste in his mouth. The idea of her with someone else, even another version of himself isn’t easy to stomach.

“But she’s my girlfriend!” Ethan exclaims, throwing a sock at Grayson’s head. A smelly sock.

Covering his nose, Grayson tosses the sock back, “Not in this world she isn’t.”

Flipping Grayson off, Ethan groans. “She could be, ya know? She could be my girlfriend!”

Rolling his eyes, Grayson turns to his back, “Chasing someone else’s love story isn’t exactly something I’d recommend to you.”

“Wouldn’t the other me want to be with his girl in every universe?” Ethan challenges and Grayson raises his eyebrows, “You’re trying to find your girl in this universe, why don’t I get the same courtesy?”

Pressing his lips in a hard line, sadness clouded Grayson’s features, “Kristina Alice.”

Gasping, Ethan’s phone lights up as he searches her name only to sit up once he sees her photo, “SHUT THE FUCK UP, SHE’S MINE?!”

“YuPP”, Grayson closes his eyes, “Good luck getting her to accept your request.”

“Thanks”, Ethan smiles as he hits the follow button on her Instagram page, desperately hoping she would soon accept his request and he could send her a message. Maybe he has a shot after all.

“Just shut up and let me sleep.” Grayson covers his head with a pillow, turning to the other side where it’s colder.

“What if”, Ethan begins as Grayson groans loudly. Those two words are the last ones he wants to hear. Ever.

“I need to sleep!”

“Sure, but hear me out”, Ethan springs from his bed and sits on Grayson’s, “What if you being here means my brother, real brother, is also in a different universe?”

Uncovering his face, Grayson’s eyes widen as he sits up with a thundering heart, “Like in my universe?”

“Dunno, but I don’t think he would just disappear. The whole laws of physics wouldn’t allow for that to happen. If energies cannot be created or destroyed, perhaps souls can’t either. Maybe he’s in your body or in another universe and that universes’ Grayson is in your body? Maybe all the Grayson’s have switched places?”

Hand on his heart, Grayson could feel the cold sweat forming at the back of his neck, “I’m gonna be sick.”

“You think it’s possible?” Ethan raises his right eyebrow, genuinely curious.

“If it is, some other guy is with my Ella right now and he could be fucking up my life as we speak.”

“Well, depending on the definition of ‘your life’, he could be fucking your life right now.” Ethan’s insinuation didn’t help Grayson fall asleep that night.

If it’s true, another version of him might be holding Ella tightly against him as she unravels under him. Another Grayson, possibly even the manwhore Grayson he’s occupying could be both abusing the privilege of being intimate with Ella and breaking her heart by being intimate with other women in front of her.

Laying awake, staring at the ceiling, Grayson met dawn as an old friend. Dawn signified a new start, a day full of activities that would busy his mind with anything but some look alike hurting the lov…His Ella. Besides, he was looking forward to the day as he planned on seeing this Ella as well. He can’t deny the pull, the gravitational change he feels when he’s close to her. She may not be his Ella in every sense of the word, but she is Ella and she is the light in this darkness.

Morning practice went by fast, allowing him to exercise some of his demons, but it isn’t enough. In the back of his mind is an image, one that is enough to enrage him – an image of his lookalike in bed with his unsuspecting Ella.

Inhaling, he closes his eyes as he settles under the same tree he sat at yesterday. Holding his breath, he waits for the burning sensation of his lungs as they scream for oxygen. Reluctant, he releases the pent up air in a slow exhale.

“Since when is this your hangout place?”

Eyes snapping open, Grayson’s lips part with the familiar raspiness in the voice. “Ella?”

“Still my name”, she smiles before sitting in front of him, book in her hand.

“Sorry”, he breathes out, attempting to smile but he didn’t know if he should smirk or grin and ended up grimacing more than smiling.

“Don’t be. It’s not like the tree has my name on it”, she shrugs as she opens up her book and he frowns, confused.

“What do you mean?”

Pointing to the tree, “It’s my spot. Has been since freshman year and suddenly you’re here.”

Making an ‘O’ shaped face, Grayson’s heart skips a beat. He didn’t even know why he sat under this particular tree, but it was calming him. It felt cozy, safe, a place to gather his thoughts. Upon further evaluation, this tree wasn’t entirely different from other trees, but he chose the same one two days in a row and he had a sneaky suspicion Ella is the reason why he was drawn to it.

If there is no magic in the world, how is he in this universe? If there is no magic in the world, how did he meet her again? If there is no magic in the world, why would he sit under this tree?

Smiling, Grayson realizes – magic exists. Maybe it’s not in the obvious witchy way, but it’s real. Ella made him see that.

“I’m sorry if I was ever a jerk to you.” Gnawing at the inside of his bottom lip, Grayson noticed her surprise when he spoke up, more so with what he said.

“Save your apologies, Quarterback. You weren’t a jerk to me.” Forcing a small smile, she clarifies, “You weren’t anything to me.” Tucking her hair behind her ear, she feels her heartbeat quicken as his eyes remain on her. She could see the genuine emotions swirling in his hazel eyes and it caught her off guard. It’s as if he actually means it.

“Look, you’ve been pretty shitty to a lot of people and you’re worshipped regardless. But if you want to be better, you have to take baby steps. It’s never easy to change once you’ve left people with a certain idea of who you are.” Licking her lips, she sinks her front teeth into her bottom lip. 

Averting her gaze to the book in hand, she tries to hide how his unrelenting gaze is making her nervous. It’s an effort to stop herself from tapping her fingers on the book or to stop herself from running away to take a proper breath she can’t seem to take ever since she decided to sit there. Somehow, Grayson causes a panic in her, not one associated by fear. It’s more about the implications of his longing stares and uncharacteristically kind words.

“Can I start with you?” Grayson leans closer, minding the way she blinks faster as he does as if his proximity is making it harder for her to ignore the need to stay close.

“Why me? What’s so important about me?” Her question catches him off guard and it reminds him of his Ella and the insecurities she always tried to hide. Maybe they’re not so different after all.

“Because I think highly of you.”

Scoffing, she looks away but Grayson can’t ignore the blush spreading across her cheeks. “You don’t even know me.”

“I’m an observant person. I know more than you think and I’m not asking for you to be my friend but maybe a tutor? You could help my grades and my stupid mouth when it goes off?”

Narrowing her eyes at him, Ella’s confusion is stronger than before. No matter what she heard of Grayson, he didn’t seem as bad as people made him seem. He’s trouble, she’s sure of that, but he’s also lost. A part of her wants to help him find what he’s looking for, to help him…fix him, but if she does, she knows she might find herself in dangerous territory. 

Grayson Dolan seems like a guy one would easily fall for, but he also seems like the guy who’d break her heart. Can he even break a heart that’s not his to begin with?

“Tutoring sounds fine.” She speaks, finally breaking the silence and Grayson’s lips stretch into a wide smile on instinct.  “But only tutoring and it’s not for free. I expect you to do something for me too.”

“Anything!”

Drawing a deep breath, she wonders if this is wise. It could backfire in the worst possible way, but she can’t help herself. She has a unique chance to do something she always wanted, “I need you to be my fake boyfriend for a month.”

Inhaling sharply, Grayson exhales, “Huh?”

Rolling her eyes, she leans closer, “I want to make a guy jealous and who better to do that than the Quarterback.”

Grayson’s heart sinks with her words but he finds himself nodding. It might be the worst thing to agree to but it would put him in her orbit and it would give her a chance to see who he truly is. She might fall for him in the end.

“Alright. Let’s do this.”

--

“So you’re just gonna fake date your girlfriend?” Ethan cocks an eyebrow, a little confused and uncertain of the benefits this deal could possibly bring his brother.

Shrugging, Grayson runs his fingers through his hair, attempting to put in the effort to make himself look somewhat presentable. “Yeah. It’s not much, but I’m willing to go through with worse if it means I get to hold her hand at the end of the day.”

“What if her plan works and she actually gets with the person you’re supposed to make jealous?” Raising both eyebrows, Ethan flicks Grayson’s ear, “You’ll be worse off than before.”

“It won’t happen!” Grayson exclaims, trying to not murder Ethan. “Fake dating trope always ends with the two realizing their feelings and marrying each other.” 

Smiling at his reflection in the mirror, he nods to himself. It’s the first time in a long time he gave much thought about what he should wear or what his hair looks like but it’s for a good reason. He has to impress Ella. 

“We’re soulmates, E. I know it.”

Huffing, Ethan rolls his eyes, “Chances of that being an actual thing is slim, but let's face the facts. Even if you’re soulmates, you two aren’t necessarily meant to be in every single universe. No one can have their happy ending in every universe. Maybe consider this universe is the one where you don’t get the girl.”

Hands on his hips, Grayson turns to Ethan with a stiff upper lip, “Is this really about me and Ella or about the fact Kristina didn’t accept your follow request?”

Rubbing his forehead, Ethan groans, “Maybe, but it’s a possibility?! I don’t want you to end up with a broken heart if this doesn’t work out. Just…Don’t forget this isn’t your life, okay? What happens when real Grayson comes back and he’s suddenly in a relationship? He’d break Ella’s heart.”

“What if he never returns and I’m stuck here forever? I can’t and will not give up on Ella. Manwhore Grayson needs to man up and I’m preparing the turf in case he returns to this life.”

“Manwhore Grayson?!” Ethan chuckles, “That’s actually who he is. Cameron calls him that!” Wheezing, Ethan throws himself on the bed, hugging a pillow.

Grayson watches, stifling a laugh, “Bro, I wanna smack him so bad!!”

“Get in line! At least half the female population wanna smack his face and the other wants to smack his ass!”

Pursing his lips, Grayson exhales through his nose, or he tries to. It’s been hell living in a body with sinus issues again and he envied whoever is in his body for the ability to breathe freely and without suffering after he had suffered all the pain of two surgeries and multiple rounds of antibiotics.

“Well, I’ll be going then. Don’t wanna keep my girl waiting.” With a lopsided grin, Grayson heads to the door when Ethan speaks up.

“Do you think this would classify as cheating? I mean, she’s Ella but she’s not really your Ella, right?”

Licking his lips, Grayson’s heart sinks. Ethan is right, this Ella might look like his Ella, have her soul, but her personality might be different. So far, Grayson noticed three differences: her ears are pierced though his Ella was terrified of the very idea of having them pierced, she doesn’t seem to wear the red lipstick he loved to smudge and she had black nail polish but his Ella prefers pastels.

Shaking his head, he remembers how it felt to imagine her with manwhore Grayson. It doesn’t feel right and his Ella would probably hate him for this, but something inside him is insisting he must see it through. “I’ll see you later.”

--

Holding his breath and waiting for inevitable doom. This is what Grayson feels like. It’s as if this entire universe is made to torture him. Sure, he wasn’t the best person alive in his universe, but he wasn’t evil either. A part of him couldn't shake the karma aspect of this switch – what did he do that was so bad to warrant a karmic intervention?

“Hey!” Ella’s usual raspy voice is a little higher, pitchy, enough to make Grayson smile. She’s nervous and he’s glad he’s the one that made her nervous. It means she cares, however small it may be.

“You look”, pausing, Grayson raises his eyebrows as his eyes trail down her body, “Incredible!” He lets out a breathless chuckle, watching her cheeks darken. She’s definitely nervous.

“So, uh, what do you need help with”, Ella licks her lips, tucking her hair behind her ear as her eyes fix on his hand. “Are those….flowers?” Raising an eyebrow, she stifles a smile as Grayson fidgets, scratching the back of his neck.

“Yeah…I wanted to do something nice.” Holding the flowers out, he watches her lips twitch as her attempt to keep a smile at bay slowly fails.

The corners of his lips turned up in a slight smile as his eyes dropped to the floor, a strangely demure gesture for him, Ella realized. As he looked back at her, moving his hair back with his hand, Ella was momentarily swayed by the dark brown eyes that sparkled up through long, dark lashes that she never noticed before. Perhaps she allowed herself to send a few glances his way in the past, trying to understand why so many girls ventured into his web, and she never quite understood until now.

The way he looks at her as if she’s the source of sunshine in his life, the way he smiles as if her presence sparks joy in his heart and the way he had held her hand over his beating heart had disarmed her and she hated herself for it. 

She fell for his charms and silver tongue as many have before and she likes him. She does. It’s impossible not to like a man as magnificent as Grayson – no matter how messed up he is. 

There will always be a girl willing to stay way too long in hopes of fixing him. He’s a death trap for every woman who looks into his eyes.

“Lilies?” Careful, she reaches for the flowers. Her fingers curl right above his, avoiding touch and the electrifying feelings it could bring to the surface. Ella preferred not to know.

“Your favorite”, Grayson blurts out, his mouth faster than his brain and his eyes widen as Ella’s eyes narrow at him.

“How would you know?”

Hands trembling, Grayson shrugs, “A lucky guess. You’re not a rose kind of a girl because you think roses are cliché.”

Eyebrows furrowing, Ella’s frown deepens, “That sounds more like an educated guess.”

“Am I wrong?” Grayson cocks an eyebrow, his confidence growing as she purses her lips, eyeing him as if she’s reconsidering her previous judgment of him.

“I hate the thorns too”, she states matter of factly, turning her back on him. Glancing over her shoulder, she raises an eyebrow, “Coming? Or am I supposed to take your exams for you, Quarterback?”

With a lopsided grin, Grayson follows after, relishing in her sassy attitude. She must know how it affects him, draws him in. If anyone could tell him to get over his shit and act like a normal human being, it was Ella. Of course, his Ella took a while to open up in a way where she didn’t mind her tongue. His Ella is shy until one gets under her skin, a little more insecure. This Ella is a firecracker from the start, brazen.

For a moment, he feels guilty for liking that about her. He feels guilty for liking this Ella, but it’s still his Ella, is it not? She’s just got a different life experience. 

--

For the first time in his life, Grayson couldn’t stop staring. He was good at hiding his feelings, pushing down anything uncomfortable until he could ignore it, but he couldn’t do it. Not anymore. He sought her out even when she wasn’t close, he yearned for her shy smiles and annoyed eye rolls. He missed each time she’d glance his way and swiftly look away or the way she’d use her hands when she talks about something she’s passionate about. He wanted to see her hands when she’s talking about him, to be passionate about him – with him.

For the first time in his life, Grayson found himself chasing after a girl. She’s out of his league, he’s aware of it. She’s wife material and he isn’t sure he could settle down any time soon, but waiting too long might mean she’ll find someone who is ready for all the things he’d like to have with her. Because no matter how scary it seems to commit when he’s unsure if he’s able to love someone, losing the opportunity to find out seems scarier.

For the first time in his life he wanted to reach out and ask her to hold his hand, to look at him the same way she looks at puppies because he only ever saw her look at them with love. He wants to hear her laugh at his jokes and he wants her to call him out on the shit he does and hold him accountable. He wants her to make an effort because she thinks he deserves to be saved, that he can be fixed. Maybe he should fix himself before asking her to love him, but she makes it better. With her, he finds all he thought he lost before – the will to try and do better.

“Are you okay?” Her voice catches him off guard, her eyes gentle, softer than he thought they could be. 

“You seem a million miles away”, she brushes over the part where he stared at her and he’s grateful. She could have called him a creep and walked away, but she didn’t. Instead, Ella reaches out, her hand resting atop of his and Grayson releases a heavy sigh, as if the weight of the world didn’t press on his chest anymore. It’s as if a single touch of her hand had made him whole.

“I feel better now.” Grayson musters a smile, “You make everything better.”

For the second time in his life, Grayson finds himself staring. Blinking seems so unnatural when his eyes are focused on such beauty as if a single moment lost would prove to be deadly. Not looking at her would make him crumble, blurt out the truth of who he is and how scared he is and how badly he needs her to hold him and say things will be alright. But she doesn’t.

For the second time in his life, Grayson found himself wishing for a girl to hold his hand, to tell him he’s worth saving. He wants her to smile and blush like she did when she brought his jersey back to him. He wants her to roll her pretty brown eyes and chuckle at him, but she doesn’t.

For the second time in his life, Grayson is wondering if he’s able to commit to anyone. Is he any better than the manwhore version of him from this alternative universe? 

He’s sitting next to a woman and he craves her attention and approval as if he doesn’t have a woman who offers all that and more. 

Does it really give him any reprieve if they’re the same soul cultivated in different universes? 

Perhaps she’d think it’s cute she captured his attention even in a different setting? Would Ella feel hurt or betrayed if he admitted he likes this version of her, as well?

“Are you okay?” Ella’s raspy voice catches him off guard, not just the sound, but the choice of wording. It’s the orotund tone she uses too; a little uncomfortable, lacking the softness his Ella would use with him. “You’re kinda staring and zoning out and I’m trying to explain this in the easiest way possible.”

Licking his lips, he nods, more to himself than her as he realizes this Ella and his Ella are definitely not the same person. Perhaps they look alike, but his Ella was kinder in a sense. Maybe kinder isn’t the proper word, but empathic?

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just have a slight headache.” Pushing his hair back, he clears his throat, “So, uh, there’s a game this Friday.”

“Oh”, her eyebrows raised, Ella tilts her head slightly to the left, waiting for him to explain.

“Well, we’re dating, fake dating and girlfriends usually wear their boyfriend’s jersey’s on the day of the game”, swallowing thickly, Grayson draws in a quick breath. “Would you maybe wear mine?”

Furrowing her eyebrows for a moment, Ella’s face relaxed again as her eyes fell to Grayson’s shaky left hand. Reaching out, she takes his hand in hers. Her grip is firm, certain, no doubts as she gives it a squeeze. 

“Yeah. It’s not like it’s my first time.” Letting out a breathless chuckle, she shrugs, “And we did agree. So, I’ll wear your jersey and you pass this exam tomorrow.”

“Deal.” Grayson smiles as she purses her lips, but his smile quickly falls as she lets go of his hand and turns to the notes. She held his hand, but it’s not nearly as long as he wished for her hand to linger.

“Oh, wow, it’s true.” Someone speaks from behind them and Grayson frowns, turning back only to see a blonde, tall guy with a smirk plastered on his face.

“Danny!” Ella exclaims, jumping to her feet and straight into this guy’s arms.

Grayson’s eyes narrow as he looks how low his hands rest on Ella’s back, more so as the guy’s green eyes pierce him. He’s sizing him up just as much as Grayson’s doing to him. So, Grayson stands – letting him have something to size up. They may be the same height, but Grayson’s muscular, much more than him.

“So you’re really dating the Quarterback? I thought it was a joke.” Danny chuckles, his arm around Ella as she shifts uncomfortably at his words.

“Why?” Grayson raises an eyebrow, “She’s a beautiful, witty, intelligent woman. Any man would be lucky to have her.”

Smiling, Ella looks to Danny who nods, “Yes, I wasn’t demeaning her by asking. I’m saying I’m shocked she’d stoop as low to date you.”

Escaping his embrace, Ella steps away, “What the fuck, Daniel?”

Rolling his eyes, Daniel clicks his tongue, “Oh, come on! He’s whored his way through campus, you’re probably the last one he didn’t bag. He’ll use you and cast you aside, Ells. Men like him can’t commit.”

Chuckling from frustration more than finding anything amusing, Grayson steps closer to Ella, wrapping his arm around her waist. “Sounds like you know the type, Derrick.”

“It’s Daniel”, he corrects Grayson, visibly annoyed.

“Sure it is, Dario.”

Nostrils flaring, eyes narrowing, Daniel clenches his fists. “You can’t seriously think Ella is stupid to fall for your tricks.”

“Ella is right here and she’s perfectly capable of making her own decisions”, Grayson remarks, stepping in front of her, “Imply she’s stupid again and I’ll knock you on your ass so fast you won’t know what hit you.”

“Gray”, that’s when he feels it – her arms wrapping around him, her hand over his heart. “Please calm down, please.” Her head rests on his back, her hold on him tightening.

Softening at the sound of her frightened voice, Grayson steps back. “You’re lucky I value her good opinion more than your jealous remarks, Dicky.”

“It’s Daniel!” Raising his voice, Daniel shakes his head. “Ella, come on. Let’s go watch that movie before I lose my temper.”

Lips parting, Grayson glances at Ella who is blinking fast, biting on her bottom lip anxiously. “I think I’m gonna stay.”

“Seriously?” Daniel frowns, his green eyes fixed on her.

“I think I need some time away from you to reevaluate our friendship.” Ella states, her voice shaky and Grayson feels her body begin to shake as well.

“What?” Pointing at Grayson, Daniel speaks, “This is his doing! He’s manipulating you!”

Shaking her head, Ella seems to be lost. After years of liking this guy, she’s only now wondering why. “No, he’s not. You’re the asshole here. Your behavior toward my boyfriend is telling me I need to step back and create some distance because if you’re incapable of trusting I can make my own choices, I can’t trust you either.”

“He’ll break your heart.” Daniel states and Ella lets out a breathless chuckle.

“Maybe. But it’s my heart to break.”

And that’s when Grayson felt his heart break a little too. When he looks at her, he sees her heart is already cracked from this altercation. Daniel had been the culprit, but he feels responsible.

Walking away, Daniel doesn’t spare the pair a second glance. Ella’s quiet, holding onto Grayson. He can see she’s struggling to hold her tears at bay, but she’s successful. “We should review this part once again.”

“You don’t have to be brave with me.” Grayson tries but she waves him off.

“I’m fine.”

She’s not, but she can’t talk about it. Breaking down in tears isn’t exactly what she wants around Grayson. She’s hurt, confused and angry, but none of those emotions will help her. She wanted to make Daniel jealous a little, make him see what he could have if he stopped friendzoning her, but she didn’t expect him to disrespect her or say hurtful things about Grayson, as true as they may be.

“I’m fine”, she repeats before letting out a shuddered breath. “So, how did you get this result?”

Knowing better than to push her further, Grayson swallows thickly and plays along, taking this time with her as a chance to help her clear her head. His Ella always worked herself to the bone when she didn’t want to think about something, maybe this Ella needed the same. If she’s anything like his Ella, she’ll open up when she’s ready and for now, Grayson has nothing but time.

--

“Hey”, Grayson comes up behind Ella, making her gasp.

Slapping a hand over her mouth to hold in a shrill scream, she turns around only to whack Grayson with her free hand. “Jerk!”

Raising his hands in mock surrender, Grayson’s mouth curved into a smile. “I wanted to hug my girl, not my fault she’s a scaredy cat!”

Rolling her eyes, she takes a step closer so he couldn’t miss her glare, “I prefer not to have Quarterbacks giving me heart attacks. A warning would have been nice!” Her voice is tremulous, her hands still shaky.

“I was gonna offer to walk you to your dorm”, Grayson’s smile falls as he realizes he truly did scare her which wasn’t his intention at all. He didn’t see her that day more than a few times in passing, so he got excited for a moment of her time finally seemed to be open for him to claim as his.

“Just don’t sneak up on me when the sun is going down, okay?” Ella crosses her arms over her chest as she looks left to right before her eyes set on Grayson who pales, realizing his mistake.

“Oh, shit”, he pinches the bridge of his nose, frustrated with himself. Who the fuck goes up to a girl in an empty street at dusk? Idiots like him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think.”

Cracking a smile, she nods, “Yeah”, exhaling loudly, she points ahead, “I live about ten minutes that way.”

“You’re letting me walk with you?” Grayson’s eyes widen, a little too excited and Ella could tell. 

“It’s getting dark and you’re kinda big and scary looking to potential killers.” Ella shrugs, “I don’t mind a bodyguard right now.”

The corners of his mouth turned up, licking his lips quickly before taking her hand in his. He noticed her tense up, but she didn’t fight his touch. Her hand felt sweaty, but he held on tightly as if it were his safety rope and letting go would mark him for death.

“Do you believe people can really change?” Grayson wonders out loud, hoping Ella would show some signs of changing her opinion on him. She let him hold her hand, isn’t that progress?

“I believe some people are beyond help.” Ella sighs, glancing up at Grayson whose face fell with her words, “But I don’t think you are. If anything, you feel like someone I’ve known my entire life and I know it’s insane but I feel like I trust you more than I should.”

His heart fluttered with her confession, acutely aware it means he has more of a chance than he originally thought.

“I feel the same way”, Grayson admits, “You’re like coming up for fresh air, like spring after a long winter.”

Beaming, she fanned herself with her free hand, “I - that was - uh, that was really poetic”, Ella stumbled over her words, unable to form a coherent sentence and she never realized how much Grayson affected her. She may have been attracted to him before, but she couldn’t pretend she didn’t like him now that she got a chance to see what’s behind his popularity façade. 

“You make me feel poetic”, Grayson’s husky tone made her simper, looking away as heat rushed to her face.

“Wow, okay! A silver tongue charmer.” Ella stops, stepping in front of Grayson with a coy smile dancing along her lips. “We’re here.”

Pressing his lips together, Grayson looked at the walls of the building with slight frustration. He wished they had more time to talk, it finally felt like he made progress.

“If I say I wish we could spend more time together, would you hold it against me?” Ella raises her eyebrows expectantly, her defenses lowered.

“I could come in”, Grayson gave her a half smile, one she could bask in all night long if she would just ignore the little voice in her head reminding her how dangerous Grayson Dolan is to her heart.

“It would be a bad idea.” She lets go of his hand, licking her lips. “Maybe another time.”

Nodding, Grayson sniffled, his allergies making his nose runny. “I swear I’m not crying, I have allergies!”

Giggling, Ella smirks, “Sure. And here I thought you were having a hard time parting with me.”

His smile fading, Grayson’s face loses the usual lightheartedness, “I always have a hard time parting with you.”

Knitting her eyebrows, Ella’s lips part, “You’ve just met me five days ago.”

Shrugging, Grayson steps back, “Feels like a lifetime.” Nodding over to the front door of her dorm, he manages a small smile, “Go in, I’ll wait till you’re inside.”

Licking her lips, she exhales loudly. She takes a few steps away, her back turned on Grayson. Stopping, she glances over her shoulder at him - standing there with the sun setting behind him, a picture perfect man with his hands in his front pockets and she felt breathless as she took him in. Shaking her head, she rushed toward him. With her hands on his shoulders, she stood on her tiptoes until her lips pecked his cheek - fleetingly, feather light kind of a kiss that nearly stopped Grayson’s heart.

“I’ll see you soon”, she told him before she ran to the door. She stopped as her hand gripped the metal handle, looking back at him with a grin and Grayson knew he was in trouble - he liked this Ella, a little too much.

--

Grayson rarely felt as confident as he did when he was on the field. The screaming crowd always gave him enough of an ego boost to run on for a couple of weeks after. It’s been a long time since he was on the field, much too long not to be anxious about it, especially when he knew his teammates weren’t exactly friendly with him at the moment. Apparently if you sleep around with their girlfriends behind their backs, they might end up resenting you for it. Yet another thing he could thank manwhore Grayson for.

The game isn’t the only thing making him nervous. Ella wearing his jersey meant they would officially claim their fake dating trope and knowing she might not be entirely into the idea had left him wondering if he’s forcing it on her.

A part of him wanted to hold her hand and ignore the sinking feeling and insecurities, but another part of him lived to see her smile. Her smile had made all the difference in the world. Instead of responding to the constant wave of girls trying to flirt their way to his pants, he only cared for one smile, one pair of eyes, just one girl who could make him swoon.

“How do we do this?” Ella frowns, looking at the door. She’s nervous, he can tell. All the classic signs of his Ella are there – biting her lip, crossing her arms at her chest only to tap her fingers on her forearms, blinking fast. She needed reassurance, Grayson simply wished to provide her with it when he placed his arm around her shoulders and pulled her in.

“Oh”, she exclaims, caught off guard. “Didn’t realize we’d go for the half embrace, jersey on the special game kind of a walk, but sure.” With a tight lipped smile, Ella made the first step toward the door and Grayson followed.

Far too happy about the initial few gasps upon their entrance, Grayson grins. It’s official now, he’s staking his claim and taking charge and Ella is once again his. The girls whisper about as they walk past them, the guys spare no attempt to hide their wandering eyes from taking in the girl that made a guy like Grayson Dolan fold and commit.

“Don’t you two look lovely”, Ethan winks as he crosses their path, suppressing a smile as Grayson’s shit eating grin grows wider if that’s even possible.

“Your brother seems to be happy with our endeavor”, Ella notes. “Almost as if he knows the truth.”

“He does, but he’s also a sucker for romance. Says this is how most books start, but they never end this way.”

Raising an eyebrow, Ella cranes her neck to better look at her so-called boyfriend, “And do pray tell, how do they end?”

“A wedding.” Grayson chuckles, leading her to her first class of the day.

Stopping, Ella untangles herself from Grayson’s side almost instantly, leaving Grayson with a frown paired with a pout she found almost endearing

“Good thing we’re not in a book.”

Nodding, Grayson purses his lips, “I guess so. Wouldn’t be the worst thing though.”

Furrowing her eyebrows, Ella narrows her eyes ever so slightly. “What do you mean?”

A small smile plays on his lips, one that is near her as he leans in. His lips brush her earlobe and she holds her breath, her heartbeat skipping as he whispers, “There are worse things than having you as a wife.”

Swallowing thickly, Ella watched him step back with a cocky smile, praying her cheeks aren’t red. But they are. Her cheeks seem to know no other color but red when Grayson is close by.

“I’ll see you for the game, alright?” Grayson presses two fingers to his lips only to rest them back on hers, “Call me if you need me.”

And so, as he walked away, Ella remained rooted. For the first time in a long time, she fully understood what all those girls saw in this frat manwhore and it concerned her greatly to know he could disarm her so easily and she allowed it to happen. What upset her further is that she wished it had been his lips atop hers, not just his fingers.

As the day continued, such as they always do, Ella found herself thinking back to moments spent with Grayson and it only amplified her curiosity. The Grayson she heard of felt entirely like a fabrication at this point. This Grayson, dare she say – her – Grayson is much better than anyone gives him credit for.

In the time spent together, she had come to see him as a flawed human being, but one who is learning from his mistakes and rectifying them. It’s not impossible for her to truly care for him if he continues down that path. Perhaps in the near future, she wouldn’t care about the dashing Daniel she was so enamored by. Perhaps Grayson could be the one she desires after all. 

There are worse fates than a wedding, she thought..

--

Grayson would like to say he didn’t miss Ella, but he’d be lying. No, he doesn’t mean this Ella, rather his Ella. He tells himself he needs to let go of her, of the softness in her raspy voice whenever she speaks to him or the flowery scents she’s obsessed with, but he cannot reconcile the possibility of never seeing her.

Could he truly fall for this Ella and accept his Ella is to be lost forever? Can he surrender and learn to live in his new life as if he had never known the tender kisses she’d leave on his jaw or the way she’d trail his tattoos every morning after making love. She’s the reason why he stopped calling it fucking or sex. Ella is why it became something more. How can anyone top that? Even if it’s another version of her, what if Grayson never moves on?

“You good?” Ethan smacks him on the back and Grayson’s breath leaves him. Eyes wide, he nods, inhaling sharply.

“How big is this game?” Grayson wets his lips, finally hearing the cheering from the stands as he comes closer to the tunnel. Ethan shrugs, swiping his thumb just under his bottom lip.

“Career defining. We have scouts watching us tonight.” Ethan frowns, “If you wanted to fuck up our lives, botching tonight would be a fucktastic way to do it.”

“Great”, Grayson releases a heavy sigh, “No pressure then.”

Rolling his eyes, Ethan places his hands on Grayson’s padded shoulders, “Look, you’re not bad. You’ve been busting your ass in practice and you’re in shape, so just remember the plays and we’ll be good.”

“I’m the fucking quarterback, E. Why didn’t you take over for the night?”

Narrowing his eyes ever so slightly, Ethan gives Grayson a pointed look, “Because I have faith in you.”

“Somehow that makes it worse”, Grayson shakes his head, lips pressing into a thin line.

“Ella’s watching. Impress the girl and scouts and you’ll be on top of the world.”

And with that, Grayson put his helmet on and rushed onto the field with the rest of the team. He didn’t know what would happen, but he knew he had to try. If he doesn’t try, what’s the point? Life is about trying, again and again. Maybe some things are far too broken to be fixed, but he can piece himself up into a man every version of Ella would be proud to call hers.

Taking his position, Grayson scanned the stands quickly. His eye caught the empty seat where Ella was supposed to be and his heart sunk. She didn’t come.

Drawing a deep breath, Grayson swallows thickly.

“She’s with the cheerleaders!” Ethan shouts and Grayson’s head whips around to the cheerleaders only to find Ella waving at him.

A grin forms on his face as he waves back, wishing nothing more than to hold her in his arms. He really needs her tonight and maybe he can’t love her like he should, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her at all. This Ella, his Ella, any Ella – this woman’s soul is meant for him as much as his is meant for her. Just because he’s not the Grayson who gave her the jersey she ended up bringing back to him, doesn’t mean he can’t enjoy being the Grayson she likes. And she likes him – Grayson can tell.

Once the game started, Grayson had realized one thing - football is the way his entire being sang - a kind of music played in a way only the players and fans could hear. It was as if it is his opera, a tale of emotions told in struggle for the chance of earned glory.

Nothing could lessen the adrenaline coursing through his veins – not the mud, not the pain of being tackled nor the way he swore he’d pass out from all the running and shouting. Each time he managed to bring that football over the line, Grayson looked to Ella who jumped in excitement as if she actually cared about the result.

Deep down, Ella did care. It meant a lot to Grayson, not just winning but his position and popularity all stemmed from his ability to run with a ball without getting a concussion from a tackle. Every time he was on the ground, Ella had to physically restrain herself from running to his side. It hurt her to hear his pained grunts and for a moment, she cursed the moment she decided to ask her roommate to get her down to the field with the cheerleaders. She cashed in a favor to be closer to Grayson, regardless of the result and somehow she ended up getting a closer view of each time he was viciously brought onto the ground.

By the end, Grayson scored the winning touchdown and the crowd went wild. There isn’t a soul in that stadium that could deny the game was one of the best they’ve seen and no one doubted Grayson Dolan is a quarterback meant for much more than college football.

She saw him take his helmet off, the sweat matting his hair onto his forehead. The smile upon his lips felt like the sun itself shone upon her, especially when his hazel eyes found hers.

Fighting off his teammates' attempt to pick him up and carry him, Grayson ran straight toward her.

Ella heard about it, read about it – that moment when time seems to stop and you’re caught in between heartbeats and your breath is caught in your throat. Her heart is only human, flawed and frail and it feels as if it would give up on fighting to keep up with her emotions that explode inside her as Grayson comes closer and closer until she finds his arms around her waist and her feet off the ground.

She’s above him, her hands wrapped around his neck, fingertips buried in the hair at the back of his head. Her forehead rests atop of his, her smile as wide as his and for a moment, she throws caution out with the wind. Grayson spins them around, a throaty chuckle escaping him and his sweat doesn’t bother her even as she feels him soak her clothes. She doesn’t care about the people watching or the flashing cameras and she could care less about what anyone thinks about how odd of a pair they seem to be.

In the moment, she realizes he had wrecked her plans. She wanted to use him to gain Daniel’s affection, but he’s surprised her once again and he’s her man -  at least for the night. Ella had learned one important thing – Grayson is full of surprises and she wouldn’t mind discovering every inch of his complicated mind.

Without a warning, she leans down – stealing the few inches of distance between them. Her lips press against Grayson’s who freezes with the action. His facial features are heaven to Ella’s heart and soul, but she could be so happily mesmerized by those lips for all the days heaven grants her to come.

No longer stunned, Grayson’s dry lips join Ella’s in the public display of affection he certainly didn’t expect. In that moment of the kiss their chemistry becomes an ever-bright flame no one could deny, not even Ella.

And a sobering thought reminded her this might be just another kiss for Grayson. He may be handsome and charming, but there is a reason he’s also known as a manwhore and that thought makes her dread the future she could have with him. No matter how hard she tries, all she can see is heartbreak and he’d be fine – she would be the one to suffer, grieving for the living. He’s put roots in her heart and yet she can’t allow for them to grow.

Breaking the kiss, she draws a shuddered breath as her eyes remain closed for a moment longer. She just wants to remember it – the way he had made her feel like she’s whole, at home. It’s always going to be their first kiss, and if Ella had anything to do with it, it would be their last as well.

“Go”, she opens her eyes only to be met with his lopsided grin and a new kind of glow to his beautiful eyes. He looks blissful.

“Come with me”, his voice is hoarse, desperately holding onto her. But the moment’s passed, he can’t keep her a prisoner in his embrace forever. Grayson puts her down, his hands moving from her hips to her hands, barely holding on by their fingertips.

“You have a whole team waiting on you, a bunch of reporters and I know there are scouts who would love to talk to you. I’ll see you in the morning for our tutoring session if you don’t oversleep.” She chuckles, trying to hide how shaky she feels on the inside. Somehow, telling him to go felt deeper than that and she could see Grayson pick up on that too.

His forehead wrinkles, his eyebrows furrowing as he steps closer and she finds herself breathless. Wasn’t he close enough?

“You’re more important. Say the word and we can go anywhere you want.”

She could hear him clearly, feel the earnest tone of his voice in her bones. He seems to care about her but that promises nothing. Grayson is dangerous in the kind of way that would leave her desolate and wounded for years to come. Daniel is the safer option. The jealousy he displayed was enough to confirm her suspicions of him liking her back and she had to choose the lesser evil.

“Be by our tree in the morning and don’t leave me waiting too long, okay?” She smiles, trying to reassure him and yet his heart aches.

“I won’t drink. I’ll be there.” Grayson places a kiss on her forehead, a long lasting kind of a kiss that somehow felt more intimate than the one they shared minutes ago.

“Stay safe”, she steps back and as their hands part at the fingertips, Grayson swallows thickly. A part of him screamed at him to stay, but the other part could see Ella needed to be alone. He needed to respect her desire for space even if it hurts him.

--

Grayson honored his promise not to drink even a single drop of alcohol, despite peer pressure. He had decided that while Ella may have wanted to go home earlier, it didn’t mean he couldn’t come by and wish her a good night. Truth be told, he’d have traded the night for a moment with her, but he couldn’t destroy a life that isn’t his – not really.

He did manage to secure a few tryouts and summer program offers for himself, but when the talks were over, Grayson hit the showers and headed straight to Ella’s dorm room. 

He had one simple thought in mind – he’d admit he likes her and take her reaction for what it is. She may care for him or she may not, regardless of the outcome Grayson refused to cower and hide his feelings.

Maybe that’s why it shattered him so when he had seen her lip-locked with someone else. 

Lips parting, he felt himself sway as the gravity of the moment tore into him. She had taken his heart and she broke it apart, shredded the last bit of sanity he clung to. It feels like death, just the same as bereavement and in this quiet moment as he’s unable to avert his gaze it chokes the breath from his body and short circuits his mind. What was once whole is shattered; where once was peace now there is emptiness, echoes of a love he put his everything into.

Stumbling back, clutching his chest, Grayson walked back to his room. He can hardly remember how he got there, but he knew that he never missed his old life more. 

Ella was right, she’d never fall in love with a jock. She’d never fall in love with him in this life. 

While she was always in his head, even when he was scared to death to admit to it, Grayson seemed to be an afterthought in her head. 

He’s no longer afraid to admit the one truth he never told anyone – Grayson Dolan is wholeheartedly in love with Marizella Coleman, hopelessly hers in every universe he finds himself in.

There isn’t anything left to cling to, yet he can’t help but whisper her name under his breath – over and over, Grayson repeats her name like a lullaby until he finally falls asleep. 

--

“What exactly does this mean?” Ella traced a moon tattoo on Grayson’s chest, her interest piqued. It took five months for her and Grayson to get intimate, two more before she broke out of her shell and truly embraced that Grayson is hers. 

When she first met him, Grayson was lost. His priorities were all over the place, his mental health at an all time low and his bed was occupied by a different girl each night. 

It bothered her how careless he was with his mind and body, even more so by the fact that she wanted to give him her heart. But she bore witness to his ability to break hearts and she didn’t want to be another one in the line. 

If she was honest with herself, Grayson didn’t even know she existed. Not until he nearly knocked her out on the beach while chasing a ball. She knew him before he ever knew her and that made her careful, paranoid in a sense. If all those beautiful women couldn’t make him stay, how would she, an average girl next door, ever keep his interest long enough for him to see that she’s perfect for him?

“Nothing, it’s just pretty.” Grayson murmurs, wishing he could just wrap her up in his arms and forget about the world for the day. 

“You don’t get a tattoo because it’s pretty, Grayson”, Ella’s croaky morning voice forced his eyes open and a smile to form on his lips. He truly loves the sound of her voice more than the bird’s song.

“It’s my aesthetic”, Grayson’s cheeky smile makes her roll her eyes.

“Well then, I really shouldn’t show you the tattoo of my first boyfriend’s name then, should I?” She shrugged, turning away from Grayson who sat up quickly, his eyes wide and body rigid.

“I’D HAVE SEEN IT BY NOW”, Grayson exclaims, his voice penetratingly loud so much so Ella could hear Ethan grumble from his bedroom.

“It’s not easily noticeable”, Ella chuckles as Grayson’s jaw clicks, “But it’s my aesthetic, so it’s nothing. Maybe we can name our first born like that so it doesn’t go to waste”, she glances at Grayson with a coy look in her eyes, finding him heaving and ready to throw hands.

“Over my dead body”, Grayson growls, pulling her back to him as she yelps. Her laugh drowns out her scream as Grayson pins her down to the mattress beneath him, his hands firmly holding her by the wrists.

“Whatchu’ gonna do, big boy?” She teases him as he cocks an eyebrow, pursing his lips.

“I’ll make sure you scream my name so many times that no one ever comes to your mind again.”

--

Ella didn’t have any tattoos, but Grayson sure had fun finding out on his own. That was the first time she was no longer timid around him and he absolutely loved her teasing. Grayson didn’t enjoy remembering his Ella as much as he used to. Every memory brought him pain now that she was gone; that both of them were gone.

Avoiding Ella had become second nature and it wasn’t as difficult as he thought it would be. 

Waking up earlier to get to practice first, leaving last had given him no time to ponder on his broken heart. He’d arrive last and leave first during classes, avoiding the tree he had met her by twice so far. She did text him, leave a few voice messages as well, but Grayson didn’t bother checking what they said. 

Why torture himself further?

However, he forgot one simple fact about Ella that seems to be universal – she’s stubborn and that stubbornness had led to him finding her asleep with a book open on her chest right before his bedroom doors.

“Jesus”, he whispers under his breath, dragging his right hand across his face before resting his hands on his hips. Licking his lips, Grayson lets out a heavy sigh, unsure what to do. He can’t be around her anymore, not when he had a taste of happiness and lost it. 

He held tightly to her because she’s Ella – because her soul speaks to his, because even in the darkest nights she would be his compass. But this Ella isn’t his Ella, she’s never going to be his Ella and he hoped he’d somehow convince himself she is. 

Truth be told, he didn’t know what he was thinking when he got involved with her. She had no recollection of their time together in his universe, she had no obligation to care about him and his feelings. She barely knows him and what she knows is scarcely him and mostly the Grayson that belongs in this universe. 

Reluctantly, Grayson taps her shoulder. She flinches, the book falling with a thud as her wide eyes fix on his figure and that’s when they narrow and set aflame.

“Where the hell have you been?!” She stands abruptly, pointing the tip of her index finger at his chest, “I’ve been trying to reach you for a week!” Poking his chest, her nostrils flare, “I thought you were lying dead in a ditch somewhere!”

Wrapping his hand around her index finger, Grayson encases her entire hand along with it. “I’m sorry, I needed time.”

“Time? Time for what?” She frowns, the horizontal line between her eyebrows forming. 

“To make my peace with you and Kenny”, he sighs. He watches her face change from a frown to disbelief and when she rolls her eyes, he knows she’s annoyed with him.

“It’s Danny and he’s not my anything.” Placing her free hand on his cheek, she cocks her head to the left ever so slightly, “He’s not even a friend anymore. I don’t give a shit about him.”

“So why was he kissing you on game night?” Grayson counters, lips pressed in a thin line while hers part.

“Were you stalking me?”

Shaking his head, Grayson releases her hand while dragging the other one away from his face. 

“No. I wanted to see you and I did. With him.” Clenching his jaw, Grayson felt a wave of jealousy wash over him and it didn’t help that Ella had chuckled dryly.

“He kissed me and I was shocked but I pushed him away. And I told him I’m taken.” Licking her lips, she averts her gaze to the thread hanging from his sleeve. “By you”, she continues, “I told him you’re the one and I went inside and went to sleep.”

“You chose me?” Grayson releases a shaky breath, unsure what to do. “You can’t choose me, Ella.”

Furrowing her eyebrows, she steps back, “Oh! You don’t like me?” She swallows thickly, folding her arms across her chest. In all the scenarios she had made up in her head, him not liking her back was never one of them. It mortified her how silly she must look to him.

“No, no, I do!” Grayson stops her before she spirals, cupping her cheeks gently, “I like you, if I’m being completely honest, but I’m not…” Closing his eyes, Grayson smiles in disbelief over what he’s about to say, “You’re gonna think I’m crazy, but I have to be honest.”

“You’re scaring me”, she says softly, her voice shaky. 

“If I told you I’m Grayson from an alternative universe and that we’re a couple in that universe, would you believe me?” 

Her breathing becomes softer, the pensive look melting into a smile as soft as the morning light. “Okay, that’s cute, but I don’t think it’s time for jokes.”

“You started writing a book when you were sixteen and you never told anyone.” Grayson states and she stumbles back, eyes wide. She had never spoken aloud of her book, never once. That book remains in a locked folder on her old laptop, not even she had laid her eyes on it in two years. She gave up on it completely. 

“How?���

“You absolutely adore the ocean and believe you were a mermaid in a previous life.” Grayson continues as Ella pales.

“You’ve always hated coffee, but if you have to drink it you add half a cup of milk and four sugar cubes.”

Shaking her head, she runs her hands through her hair, unable to comprehend what Grayson is saying.

“You’ve always been terrified of the dark, so you sleep with a pink turtle nightlight you’ve had since you were ten. You have a beauty mark between your breasts you absolutely hate and are insecure about, but I find it sexy as hell.”

“HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL OF THAT?” Ella shouts in panic, her breathing labored. 

“Because I know you. From a different universe, but it’s you. And I love you. With all my heart and I know this is crazy, but I woke up here and everything changed overnight.” Slumping to the ground, Grayson hides his face in his hands. “And I fucking miss her. I miss my Ella so, so much and I have never been worthy of her, but she loves me anyway and I’m here.”

A hand on his shoulder makes his heart skip a beat, bearing her weight as she uses him to slide to the ground next to him. 

“What is she like?” Ella’s shaky hand slides down his arm, slipping into his hand. She’s quiet, defeated by the news, in shock if she’s entirely honest. It’s way too much all at once and she never thought it could be possible she’d like Grayson Dolan so much it hurt to imagine him with anyone, even if that someone is herself.

“She sold that book and is writing a second book while studying. And she’s kind, witty and shy but incredibly outgoing with people she’s comfortable with.” Grayson doesn’t even notice the smile on his face as he speaks of his Ella, but this Ella does. She’s jealous of her alternative self for having a guy like Grayson smile as he mentions her. She hates her other self for being brave enough to publish the book and live her dreams...well, old dreams. She’s not dreaming about being a writer anymore.

“I love her, but I was afraid to tell her that. I was afraid of fully committing myself to her.” Grayson admits, unsure what good it does him now.

“When did you wake up here?” She interrupts him, wanting to know what was him and what wasn’t. Has it always been this Grayson? Did she spend all this time falling in love with the wrong guy?

“Woke up with a killer headache after some frat party. Think it was that party when he gave you the jersey.” Grayson glances at her, noticing a small smile upon her lips.

“So it was him then”, she sighs. Leaning her head on the door, she closes her eyes. “But all of this was you.”

“Yeah.” Grayson intertwines their fingers, seeking comfort. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be”, Ella shrugs, “That Grayson wouldn’t have bothered with me.”

“That Grayson is a manwhoring mess.” Grayson chuckles, “But I was the same before I met my Ella. Maybe he just needs a nudge in the right direction.”

“Is it bad if I wish you to stay here?” Ella’s voice is quiet and wobbly, just above a whisper and it catches Grayson off guard.

“Is it bad if I say I fell in love with you just as I fell for my Ella?” Grayson counters and she lets out a breathless chuckle.

“It’s not bad, I mean I’m still Ella. Just on a different path in life.” Shrugging, she leans her head on Grayson’s shoulder, “Maybe that Grayson is you on a different path too? Maybe he doesn’t need an Ella of his own?”

Wrapping an arm around Ella, Grayson brings her closer to him, “Every Grayson needs an Ella.”

And in the silence, they found the comfort they both seek. It’s not right, but it felt perfect.

“You two are gloomy.” Ethan states, scaring them both. They were perfectly content staring at nothing in particular, just sitting there with the inner struggle wrecking them apart.

“You should wear a bell”, Grayson remarks and Ethan rolls his eyes.

“When you say shit like that, I genuinely can’t tell the difference”, Ethan steps aside, trying to get to the door.

“Does he know?” Ella asks and Grayson nods.

“Yeah, he’s the only one who knew.”

Furrowing his eyebrows, Ethan glares at Grayson, “So you told her?”

“Yup”, Ella exclaims.

“Great!” Ethan opens the door, letting the pair fall on their backs with a string of curses from Grayson’s mouth and a small yelp from Ella’s. 

Grayson barely got up to his feet, helping Ella up as well when Ethan screamed, “KRISTINA FOLLOWED ME BACK!”

--

Laying on the bed with Grayson beside her, Ella wasn’t sure what to think anymore. Part of her thought she’s insane for believing him so quickly, yet another part of her knew with absolute certainty that no one couldn’t know the details he mentioned a few weeks ago and that if he knew them, the other version of her must have truly loved him to spill the beans.

Ever since then, they’ve been inseparable. Ella knew it was unwise to spend so much time with Grayson, to get involved more than she already has. One day, she’d wake up next to the other Grayson and she’d be left alone. It would be over before it started and she didn’t know how to accept the fact he’s never going to be hers. Not really.

“What are you thinking about?” Grayson breaks the silence, noticing she’s deep in thought.

“About the day I wake up to the other you.” She admits and Grayson frowns, propping himself up on his elbows. He’s never going to get used to how straightforward this Ella is. He both loves and fears that about her.

“You think it’s gonna happen?”

Nodding, she sighs, “I just feel it. It’s unexplainable.”

Swallowing thickly, Grayson licks his lips, “If it does, don’t give up on me.” 

Grayson’s eyes flicker to her lips only to pull away before he dares to even think about it further. They may be spending all of this time together and sleep in the same bed most nights, but they’ve never once kissed since the night of the game. Ella said she wanted to give her other self some much deserved respect and not cheat though she wasn’t sure if it qualified as cheating either.

“You? That won’t be you, Gray.” Ella rubs her nose, sniffling. “He won’t be you, just like I’ll never be Ella for you. Which sucks.” Tears brim her long eyelashes, tugging at Grayson’s heartstrings.

“You are Ella. Even though you’re a little braver and confident, you’re her and she is you.” Grayson tries, but Ella shakes her head.

“No. That’s not true! I don’t have her memories or experiences and that’s what shapes a person. That Grayson won’t be you and truth be told, I’m not sure if I want him at all.” Sitting up, she hides her face in her hands.

 “I’m not braver either, I’m just rougher around the edges. I could never publish that book like she did or move to Los Angeles and date a famous YouTuber.” Breathing fast, Ella felt like her head would explode.

“Hey, hey, hey”, Grayson says softly, his hands running up and down her back in hopes of soothing her. “Ells, what’s wrong?”

“Everything!” She exclaims, “I want you and I can’t have you! I can’t be with you when you’re already mine but in a different world and even if I ignore that, I can’t ignore the fact that sometime, even ten years down the line I could wake up to the other Grayson instead of you and it’s making me crazy!”

Wrapping his arms around Ella, Grayson held her close as she wept long into the night and he had never quite understood all the stories of the way your entire being hurts when your heart is broken and his heart is fucking shattered.

He’s holding the reason for his existence in his arms and he can’t ease her pain because he’s the cause of it. He wants to love her and she wants to love him back, but they can’t and Ella is right – even if he ignored the fact he’s not from her universe and went for it, there was no telling how long he’d be there.

In a spiritual life, much like the physical, there is an inhale and an exhale; the soul needs to inhale the feelings of another soul in order to claim them, to enrich them before returning it in an exhale. Without this, there is no life for the heart, without it, the heart is suffocating, suffering, withering.

And that’s exactly how Grayson and Ella feel right now – suffocating, suffering, withering.

As her breathing evens out and Grayson realizes she’s fallen asleep despite the occasional sob she lets out in her sleep, he looks up at the ceiling and sighs heavily as if the world’s weight is crushing him.

“Please make this right. For her sake. I don’t even care what happens to me, just make Ella happy again. Please.”

And when Grayson closed his eyes, he never imagined it would be the last night he spends in her bed.

--

With closed eyes, Grayson reached out for Ella. He didn’t remember when she slipped out of his arms in the night, but he wouldn’t consciously keep it that way. Having her close felt like a lifeline for Grayson, even if they were trying to keep it platonic. Too often did he consider just moving on with her, pretending as if his life is in a universe made not for him.

He wanted to stay and help Ethan get with Kristina, to help his sister start her own design company if she was still interested in that field or to simply go home and see his family. He wondered far too often how they were, but he never dared to ask Ethan about it. It’s a sore subject for Grayson, even now. He imagined it was the same for Ethan.

“Ella?” He grumbles, squinting to find her when his arm fails. Furrowing his eyebrows, he looks at the much larger bed he’s on with a concerned look upon his face. “What the –“, he starts only to recognize the bed-sheets Ella spent three days making a pro/con list for. “Oh God”, Grayson jumps to his feet, looking around wildly.

The lamp next to his bed is replaced by an old alarm clock, his windows are covered with drapes he doesn’t remember having and the floor is covered in clothes Grayson never saw in his life. Looking down, he finds his thighs are covered in tattoos and a choked sob escapes him.

He’s not sure if he’s happy or not about the possibility of being in his own universe again. There is still a chance he’s in a new universe altogether, but even if he’s back home, what exactly is he coming home to? What exactly did he leave behind?

That Ella must have had a shock of a lifetime when she woke up to the manwhore version of himself and he wished he could apologize to her for it, but he’ll never get to see her or talk to her again.

And then he remembered, “Ella”, he breathed out as he ran to the door. He’s not sure if she’s even there, if she even stayed after the switch brought his worst self to her bed and he realized his Ella had woken up to that Grayson too.

Heart in his throat, Grayson stumbles as he heads to the kitchen where he hears movement. He isn’t sure what is waiting for him here, but when he sees the messy bun he always loved to untangle and the back of her neck that he loved to kiss, Grayson felt his heart stop.

Swallowing thickly, he stood there, frozen at the sight of her. She’s so close that he could have her in his arms in a few steps, but would she forgive him if he told her he kissed the other Ella? Would she forgive him if he told her he had started liking the life he had in that universe?

Wetting his lips, he lets his heart guide him as his feet take him closer and once he’s there, his arms wrap around her on instinct. His head rests on her shoulder and he can feel her tense up, but he’s barely holding back tears as he inhales her familiar scent.

Grayson missed Ella in every possible way. His soul yearned for hers and being back in her presence had made him crumble.

“What are you doing?” She groans, trying to unwrap his arms from around her waist. “I told you I will never sleep with you!” She raises her voice as she slaps at his hands and Grayson finally snaps out of it, releasing her.

She whips around, eyes narrowed at Grayson who furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Pointing the tip of her index finger at his chest, Ella’s nostrils flare, “You have to stop this! I’m not a toy you can play with whenever you feel like it. I’m in pain!” She exclaims, pausing as she averts her gaze and her hand drops, “Do you even know what seeing you feels for me?” She sniffles as tears fill her eyes. “You’re wearing his face and body, but you’re too different. You’ve become better, you’ve done the work, but I love him. I can’t just forget about that.”

Drawing in a deep breath, Grayson felt his heart break further. It never occurred to him how hard this might have been for his Ella. She was stuck with the manwhore who would have broken her heart and he did. It was a relief she knew it wasn’t him, at least. His Ella knew better than the other Ella.

“And I love you”, Grayson manages a smile, “I’m sorry it took me this long to tell you.”

“What?” Ella crosses her arms, looking at him as if he’s offended her.

“It’s me, Ella. I’m back.” Grayson tries reaching out for her hand only to have her shake her head and move away. She’s physically revolted by his presence while he’s aching for a smile from her pressed lips.

“You’ve tried this before. I’m not going to fall for your shitty tricks”, Ella heaves, a hand placed on her chest as her tears spill over.

“He tried this?!” Grayson practically growls, slamming his fist on the countertop. “Did he touch you?” Grayson’s jaw clenches as he looks to a shaky Ella who isn’t sure what to say or believe anymore. It’s like she’s drowning with no help in sight.

“Please stop”, she croaks, “I thought you and I were friends now.”

Chuckling dryly, Grayson shakes his head, “Your pet fish was called Goldie because she was gold. Your turtle Rocky bit her tail off and she died.” Stepping closer, he points at her chest, “You have a birthmark right between your breasts.” Pursing his lips, he wonders what else he could tell her. Her eyes are wide, glistening with tears, but he has to let her know it’s him. “When we first met you called me and Ethan snotty teenagers. You hate my decorating skills and you hate my snoring.”

“Grayson?” Her voice is shaky as she steps closer, reaching her trembling hand out. Her palm finds its way to his cheek and Grayson leans into it with a soft sigh. “You came back to me?”

Taking her face in his hands, he rests his forehead on hers, “I did.”

“It’s been so hard”, she whispers and he closes his eyes.

“You were right, you know?” Grayson’s nose brushes hers, “You wouldn’t like the jock Grayson. But I really liked college Ella.” 

Grayson often debated if he should be honest with Ella if he somehow made his way back home and despite his doubts, he remembers their relationship is founded on honesty. He promised her he’d always tell her the truth and he couldn’t look her in the eye and ignore the fact he had felt a little heartbroken about the Ella he left behind.

“You met me?” She steps back, wanting to look at him better.

“I’ll always find you”, Grayson smiles.

“You fell for her, didn’t you?” Ella steps back, hurt flashing behind her brown eyes.

“I did fall for her”, Grayson admits, “But I love you.”

Staring at Grayson, Ella didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to feel either. Would she be right to hold it against him? After all, it was still her. Grayson loved her, in every universe. So why does it feel like he had cheated on her? Why does her heart bleed?

“Did you touch her like you touch me?”

Breaking eye contact, Grayson leans on the countertops, “I kissed her once.”

“Once”, Ella chuckles dryly. “I almost had sex with the other you, but at least I didn’t know the truth. You knew the girl you were kissing wasn’t really me. She’s someone I will never be and she will never be me.”

“Please don’t hate me”, Grayson croaks as tears form in his eyes. He’s not ready to lose her, but he’s not ready to keep her with him by lying. She deserves better and he knows that.

“I don’t hate you, Grayson”, she lets out a shuddered breath, “I wish I did. It would be easier.”

“Easier?” Grayson’s eyebrows furrow when she takes her bag and puts it over her shoulder.

“I need some time and I need you not to look for me.” It was killing her to do this, to take a step back from their relationship. Ella needed some perspective, to find a way to breathe again and being close to Grayson always felt like she was trying to keep her head above the crashing waves.

“Ella”, Grayson reaches for her but she recoils from him, again. She had done it once when she thought it was his other self, but she knew this was him. She still didn’t want him.

“I have never asked anything from you, but I need this.” Ella covers her mouth to stop a sob from passing her lips as she turns from Grayson and heads for the door only to run into Ethan and Kristina.

Kristina is quick to wrap her arms around Ella, both of them leaving through the front door.

But Ethan wasn’t leaving. He turned to Grayson with a stone cold look in his eyes and headed for him with a formed fist prepared to leave a mark.

“What did you do?!” Ethan shouted, ready to lay Grayson out in a single punch.

Raising his hands in mock surrender, Grayson circles the countertops so he’d be on a different side from Ethan who wanted blood.

“Whoa! It’s me, E! It’s Grayson! I’m back!” Grayson insisted as he ran in circles with Ethan, “YOUR FIRST TIME WAS WHEN YOU WERE 17!” He shouts and Ethan stops, eyes wide. “You also drank a beer when you were 16, but you’d never admit it. You hated onions as a kid!”

“Grayson?”

--

“How cool was the other me?” Ethan smirks as Grayson rolls his eyes, unsure if he should be annoyed or angry at his brother for not doing a better job at protecting Ella from the other Grayson who had clearly left her broken with issues he didn’t know how to resolve.

“You were single as fuck and a nerd”, Grayson sighs, “Kristina wasn’t even an acquaintance and the car you drove was more like a trash can running on fumes.”

Staring blankly, Ethan swallows thickly, “I don’t like that universe.”

“I liked it”, Grayson covers his face with his hands, his voice filled with remorse. “I didn’t know my life here was imploding while I was living the life I genuinely prefer over this one.”

“You’re saying college football was better than this house?” Ethan raises an eyebrow, “The money we have, the world we’ve seen, people we’ve met?”

Nodding, Grayson drags his palms down his face, “It was so much better.”

“Well, good for you. Meanwhile Kristina and I were dealing with a manwhore baby Grayson with no impulse control who was a pathological liar and manipulator.” Flicking a crumb from the countertop onto Grayson, Ethan continues, “Ella cried herself to sleep every night and we didn’t know what the fuck is happening.”

“She said she almost slept with him”, Grayson gulps audibly, unsure if he’s feeling guilty over the position that put her in, angry she’s angry at him when she nearly did something worse or jealous over the fact she had been touched by what seems to be the demonic version of him.

“You literally admitted to kissing the other Ella, I hardly think you have any room to judge anything she did Grayson.” Ethan’s tone is cold, his words harsh but truthful. Grayson has no right to be angry or jealous, he was a willing participant while his Ella was tricked.

“I can’t explain it”, Grayson runs his fingers through his hair, moving it away from his forehead. Truth be told, he got used to the short hair from the other universe, he couldn’t wait to cut it again. “She was still Ella. They had their differences, but she was still Ella and the more time I spent with her, less I wanted to be away from her.”

“Look, this is uncharted territory. We can’t exactly define any rules in a situation that had no rules, so just give her a moment to deal with this on her own terms.” Ethan places his hand on Grayson’s shoulder, hoping to comfort his brother but even he was having issues looking at him normally after everything the other Grayson did.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Grayson frowns, lips parted as Ethan’s eyes widen.

“Like what?”

“Like I’m about to fuck something up”, Grayson’s frown deepens as Ethan presses his lips together, genuinely having flashbacks to the insanity of manwhore Grayson and the stress he caused.

“I’m just waiting for you to start complaining about the tattoos or fake gag at vegan food or order a bunch of fried chicken or maybe scream about a game you’re missing.” Ethan rambles on as Grayson cackles, shaking his head.

“Man, I’m a dick!”

“Oh, no, the dick part was you hitting on Ella and then winking at every cute girl in your way.” Ethan raises both eyebrows as he shrugs, “I did smack you every time I could tho’, Kris did too.”

“Good”, Grayson exhales through his nose, his lips pressed as his eyes fall to his hands. “I really didn’t want to hurt her. Either Ella”, Grayson’s voice is meek, defeated and the empty look in his eyes speaks volumes of the weight that’s been forced upon his heart.

“I know”, Ethan manages a smile, “You’ll get her back.”

“Think so?” Grayson raises his eyebrows, an inkling of hope lingering deep behind his brown hues.

Ethan’s smile widens in an instant, “Know so.”

--

In this broken world Ella is Grayson’s world, his healer, his light and love, good women are that way. He missed her, more and more as each day passed and while it seemed like the world was spinning madly on, Grayson’s life felt like it stopped the day she walked out the door.

Kristina came back hours later, but Ella didn’t. What made it worse is that whatever Ella shared with Kristina had turned her against Grayson as well. She didn’t want to speak to him, much less to convey his messages to Ella and Grayson was sure they were in contact.

This heartbreak was unexpected, as they always are - top of the world one minute and cut down the next. Grayson expected to be blissful if he ever found his way back, but he only found misery. He could only blame himself for having broken not one, but three hearts the night he made his way back home.

Oftentimes, Grayson wondered what happened with the other Grayson and Ella when they woke up together, sharing a single bed. Did he once again try to lie and manipulate Ella or was he decent enough to tell her the truth.

Grayson feared he didn’t. He could only hope he was better with her, for her. Ella deserved that much and he believed she was more compatible with manwhore Grayson anyway. If anyone can whip him back into shape it would be her.

And his Ella, his beautiful, kind Ella…He thought about her all the time. What is she up to? Where is she? Is she as lonely as he is?

He failed her, both of them. He failed himself too.

Hearing Ethan talk about the constant stress the other Grayson put on her, their fights, her refusal to walk away because she hoped it would get better. She didn’t give up on him then, even though he was his worst self, but she walked away when she heard he had made a conscious decision to kiss someone else. 

He betrayed her trust and despite feeling guilty, he couldn’t regret it. Meeting her in a different universe only convinced him she’s his soulmate more. He couldn’t imagine life without her, in any reality.

And as a month passed, Grayson found it impossible to sleep in the bed he once shared with Ella. He preferred to sleep on the couch, even if his back felt broken in the morning. The pain was comforting compared to the loneliness the bed evoked. It was better off this way. He hated himself in that bed, he blamed himself every night and morning.

Closing his eyes, Grayson felt a tear roll down his temple. If he’s entirely honest, he’s not sure if he’s just too fucked up to ever love anyone like he loves Ella. He swallows thickly as his heart clenches in pain as his senses trick him into believing she’s with him.

For a moment, he could have sworn he smelled her perfume, the one he was absolutely smitten with. She wore it when they first met, she wore it when they first kissed and she wore it when they first became one. That perfume signifies all their firsts, all the good memories and even the fights he remembers carry a nostalgic happiness to them. Fighting is better than the silence she left him in. If she’s fighting, she cares but when she stops, that’s when crippling fear takes place and Grayson’s been consumed by that fear for too long.

A weight falls on him, a warmth engulfing him. The scent is stronger now, almost like she’s still there with him and in a moment of weakness, Grayson’s lips pass a strangled sob from deep within twenty one grams of soul and the sanity he once possessed.

“Don’t cry”, a raspy voice fills the silence and Grayson’s heart nearly stops. He’s hallucinating now, clearly he’s lost his mind. “If you cry, I cry”, the voice returns as a whisper and Grayson’s not sure if it’s all a dream.

Opening his eyes, he gasps once he sees Ella’s head resting on his chest. She’s laid upon him like a safety blanket, a tad too short to truly cover him but effective in its intent.

“You’re here”, Grayson breathes out and her head moves up so her eyes meet his.

“I couldn’t trust you, I didn’t even trust myself that day. I didn’t dare let you near me scared that I’ll lose you the same, but I can’t let that fear dictate my life and I can’t bear the pain of staying away.”

Running his hand down her back, Grayson pulls her up ever so slightly so he could easily kiss her lips if she allowed him to. He wanted to be able to see every change in her eyes, every line of her face.

“I love you”, he stops her from speaking, finding her apologies unnecessary. She had enough of heartbreak for both of them when he disappeared.

“Don’t let me run again”, her voice breaks and Grayson notices the tears pricking at her eyes, “I know I asked you to let me go, but don’t. I got mad and insecure, but I love you. So don’t ever let me leave again.”

Brushing the tip of his nose against hers, Grayson’s lips curl at the corners, “Never.”

“Do you want to tell me how awesome the other me was?” She raises her eyebrows expectantly as Gray gives her a slight shake of his head.

“Well, you were crushing on some dick Dougie”, Grayson starts and her eyebrows furrow in confusion before her mouth opens wide.

“You mean Danny?!”

The excited tone instantly put a frown on Grayson’s face, making Ella chuckle.

“He was my first ever boyfriend back home!” She continues, further aggravating Grayson who could no longer hold back. He told himself he’d be more patient, but it’s a work in progress and he needed her to stop talking, so he did the most natural thing he could think of.

He kissed her.

Before she could withdraw, his arms were around her. He bent back her head across his arm and kissed her, softly at first, and then with a swift gradation of intensity that made her cling to him as the only solid thing in a dizzy swaying world. His insistent mouth was parting her shaking lips, sending wild tremors along her nerves, evoking from her sensations she had never known she was capable of feeling. And before a swimming giddiness spun her round and round, she knew that she was kissing him back.

It’s like opening up your soul to tasting, feeling and seeing every color of the rainbow in their own sensual way. For Ella it felt almost like catching Grayson’s smile in a bottle, its softness, its sweetness, the slight arrogance that provoked a reaction of her insatiable need for his touch. Kissing Grayson felt just like breathing oxygen she needs to keep her heart beating. His kisses warm the soul. His kisses are right. He is right; for her, with her, he’s the part of her she can’t imagine her future without.

“Never mention Doyle when you’re in my arms”, Grayson whispers against her lips, “Don’t mention Dairy, ever again”, Grayson adds while she giggles, amused by his absolute refusal to say the name right. “That would have been an awful tattoo”, he adds as she chuckles.

“If this is my punishment, I might be inclined to break that rule”, she winks, “Often”.

For a moment, Grayson stopped and stared. She didn’t seem shy or less brave than the other Ella at all. She felt brazen, unapologetically her and Grayson realized for once and all, his Ella, as complicated as she may be, is absolute perfection.

“Then it’s a good thing I’m a man of my words, isn’t it?” Grayson’s smirk is gone once his lips claim Ella’s again and she releases a satisfied moan in response. It was the kind of kiss that was so intoxicating your brain couldn’t handle thinking about anything else.

“I love you”, Grayson whispers against her lips, “I love you”, he repeats. “I love you, I love you, I love you”, he peppers her face and neck with feather light kisses, repeating his ‘I love you’ over and over like a prayer that was finally answered.

No matter what was in store for them, Grayson believed they would find their way back to each other. After all, they’re meant to be and for once, he didn’t doubt that saying. 

People who are meant to be together always find their way in the end.

[machine-gun-casie]

Blood And Water

anon: Hey! I just read your guidelines and I was thinking if you could do a fic in which the reader is Dom's sister and she kinda doesn't like Colson that much because she thinks he is going to "corrupt" her baby brother? Idk, just it can go anyway you want, I'd like to see this hate/love relationship between the two

a/n: it kind of turned out platonic but i still really like it and i hope you do too :)

wc: 4k

Knocking was the last thing on his mind as Colson opened the door. Dom said the first door next to the stairs, but there was one on the left and one on the right. How was he supposed to know which one it was supposed to be?

“Hey!” You yelled out, scrambling to cover yourself with a towel. “You ever heard of knocking?”

“Ah!” Colson quickly covered his eyes as he backed out. “Sorry, sorry!” He closed the door and let out a deep breath. 

“Shit.” He mumbled to himself as he walked over to Dom’s bedroom, the one to the left. He grabbed a phone charger from the nightstand and dashed back downstairs. Upon seeing his friend on the couch, he let out a laugh. “Didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend.”

“What?” Dom looked up at Colson as he jumped over the last few steps on the stairs. “What girlfriend?”

“The girl upstairs?” Colson said, plopping down next to Dom. 

“Oh no, man.” Dom laughed. “That’s not my girlfriend, that’s y/n.”

“y/n?”

Before Dom could explain, you came down the stairs. Fully dressed, Colson noted. You didn’t even glance towards the couch and headed straight to the kitchen. You grabbed a glass of water from the cupboard and looked over the island to where they were all sitting in the living room. “Dom, who the fuck just walked in on me naked?”

Colson grimaced and raised his hand slightly. “That would be me.”

“You walked in on her naked?!” Dom asked Colson. 

“It was an accident!” Colson defended himself before turning to face you. “Look y/n, I’m really sorry. I swear I know how to knock.”

You were standing in front of both of them with a glass of water in hand at this point. “What’s your name?”

“His name’s Colson.” Dom explained, standing up to come and face you. “Listen, we’re working on a song. You wanna help?”

“I’d love to, Dommy, but I’ve got that thing from last night I’ve gotta edit.” You explained with a frown. You loved helping Dom with song writing, it was your favorite thing. But you needed to show him that you took this job seriously, because it was really no joke. “I’ll come down when I’m done, okay?”

“Alright, but don’t take too long.” Dom said as you walked away.

“I’ll try.” You smiled back at him.

As soon as you were out of earshot, Colson giggled. “Dommy?”

“Oi, don’t start!” Dom pointed at Colson. “You’re the one that walked in on her naked. If she hears you making fun of me, she’ll tear you to shreds.”

“Why?” Colson asked with furrowed eyebrows. You weren’t his girlfriend according to Dom. You were clearly not his sister, both looks and accent showed that.

“She’s my sister.” Dom explained as he sat back down and saw Colson’s confused facial expression. “Adopted. Moved into my parent’s house a while back. Been living with us ever since.”

“She moved in?” Colson asked. “Why?”

“Long story.” Dom sighed and when Colson didn’t stop him he continued. “Her mom’s a piece of work. She was actually living with her here in L.A. before she moved to Doncaster. She found her dad there but one thing led to another and she ended up living with us by the time she was twelve.”

“Holy shit.” Colson raised his eyebrows. “So she’s pretty much blood at this point.” 

Dom tsked and shocked his head. “Blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood.” 

Before Colson could ask, there was a knock at the door. Dom jumped up with an ‘I’ll get it!’ and ran off leaving Colson with some answers but more questions.

-

A few hours later, you finally finished editing the pictures from Dom’s appearance from the night before. You had begged Dom for months on end to let you work for him, you told him you’d take anything. You were staying with him in the house his label was renting for him in L.A. and you didn’t want to feel like a leech. He finally caved and let you be his official photographer.

You would follow him to his appearances, whether that be radio shows or late night talk shows, and take some pictures while he was in action. A few masterclasses on how to professionally take and edit photos and you were off.

Throwing your head back, you let out a groan as your muscles finally moved out of their hunched over position. A cup of tea would do you good right about now. You skipped over the towel on the floor and tried to suppress the memory of Colson seeing you naked as you left your room.

The laughter and music from downstairs became louder and louder as you came closer. Once you hit the landing, it was clear as to why.

Dom was nursing a bottle of beer while Colson was guzzling down the last shot from a previously full bottle of vodka. You knew because you saw it on the table earlier that day. In the corner was Travis who was just enjoying the show.

“Hey, it’s y/n!” Colson exclaimed, pointing at you.

“y/n!” Dom smiled. “You took ages! We’re celebrating!”

“Did you guys finish the song?” You asked.

“No.” Colson hiccuped. “We’re celebrating the fact that we’re not done.”

“Yes, yes we are.” Dom agreed. “You see, if we were done, which we’re not, then we would have nothing to do. And then we’d be bored. And being bored is the worst thing on planet earth.”

“I think you just wanted an excuse to drink.” You giggled.

“Hey!” Dom shouted with furrowed eyebrows. “You are absolutely correct.”

You ruffled Dom’s hair and sat in an armchair next to Travis. “Hey Trav, how are you?.”

“I’m good, how are you?” Travis smiled at you.

“Never better.” 

“Hold up.” Colson sat up straighter and looked between you and Travis. “You two know each other.”

“Yeah, Ash introduced us.” Travis explained. “11 minutes.”

“Ah, that makes sense.” Colson leaned closer towards Travis, yet he was still very far away. “I saw her naked, you know?” He whispered, very loudly.

“What?” Travis barked out in laughter. “Did you two hook up?”

“We did not!” You snapped. “He just doesn’t know how to knock.”

“I said I was sorry!”

-

Dom had a radio interview the next day, but he apparently forgot to tell you that Colson was going to be there. He mentioned it right as he killed the engine in the parking lot.

“What?” You hissed with wide eyes. “You tell me this now?”

Dom huffed and shook his head. “Yes because I knew you’d drag your feet if I told you earlier.”

“And you would’ve been right!” 

“He said he was sorry!” Dom said.

“But then he told Travis! What kind of asshole-

“He’s not an asshole, he was drunk.” Dom cut you off.

“But-”

“No, no buts. Get out of the car, we’re not fighting about this anymore.” Dom opened the car and slammed the door shut. 

“Ugh!” You groaned and followed him out. 

Silence enveloped only one minute of the five minute walk to the building. You sighed and reached out to loop your arm through Dom’s. “I’m sorry, I’ll try not to be rude to your friend.”

“Try?” Dom chuckled lightly.

“Do you even know this guy, Dom?” You asked. “I don’t wanna generalize but he’s covered in tattoos, he reeks of weed, and he drank a full bottle of vodka in one sitting.”

“You’re kind of generalizing.” Dom snickered.

You looked down at your shoes and sighed. “I know, I’m sorry. I’m just worried about you. My Hollywood star big brother. Don’t wanna lose you.”

“Don’t get all mushy on me.” Dom pulled his arm out of your hold and put it around your shoulder, pulling you close. “I’ll always be the same kid you’ve known since forever. Blood is thicker than water.”

“But love is thicker than blood.” You continued the phrase, smiling up at him. “Love you.”

The automatic doors of the building opened when you stepped up to them, leading you into the main reception. You followed the signs with Dom to the third floor where his interview was going to be broadcasted.

When the elevator doors opened, you saw Colson sitting in the waiting area outside of the studio. He got up to greet Dom and you kept your distance.

They spoke for a few minutes before Dom was called to start his interview. You rolled your eyes internally knowing that you’d have to stay outside with Colson until Dom was done. He had told you that the pictures could wait until the end and you told him you didn’t mind waiting outside. Boy were you wrong.

You slumped down on the couch next to Colson and hoped for the best.

“Did Dom drag you up here?” Colson asked. You were kind of glad he was starting a conversation because an awkward silence would be… well, awkward.

“No, I came out with him. Part of my job, you know.” You explained, lifting up your small camera as you spoke.

“Your job?” Colson asked.

“Yeah, did Dom not tell you?” Colson shook his head. “I started working for him like last month. I take pictures of his appearances and edit them for his socials.”

Colson hummed and nodded. “Makes sense, my team is all family too.”

“The best kind of team.” You felt your phone ring in your pocket as you replied. You pulled it out and saw that it was an unknown number, so you declined. “You got an interview?”

“Nah, I booked a recording booth upstairs with Mod for a couple hours.” Colson explained, glancing at his watch. “Got a few minutes before I can head in”

“I’m surprised you don’t look like a zombie after last night.” You chuckled. “With the full bottle of vodka and everything.”

Colon leaned back and chuckled. “I’ve done worse.”

“Like walk in on a girl without knocking.”

“I said I was sorry.”

“But then you went and told Travis.”

“I was drunk!” Before you could reply and make it worse, you laughed at yourself. “What’s funny now?” Colson groaned.

“Nothing, I- I just had this exact same argument in the car with Dom.” You laughed. 

“You were fighting about me in the car?”

You nodded. “A little. I promised Dom I wouldn’t start this again. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I know it’s a weird first impression.” Colson laughed. “It’s been good talking to you, but I’ve gotta head up to the fifth floor.  I’ll see you around?”

You looked up at Colson as he stood up, noting how incredibly tall he is. “Yeah, see you around Colson.”

-

The next time you saw Colson was a couple weeks later at a recording studio downtown that Dom dragged you to. The song needed some backup vocals and a few redos in terms of recording before it went into the final phase of production. 

You’d helped Dom with the song quite a bit at home, but you never went out of your way to attend every studio session with the rest of the team. And you usually loved helping out, especially with backup vocals, but today just wasn’t it. You liked helping out with songs when you didn’t have to drive for an hour and a half to a studio.

You groaned as your stomach flip-flopped from the car ride. “I’m going to throw up if we don’t get there in time.”

“Oi, hold it! Two more minutes, I promise. Fookin’ traffic, I swear.” Dom mumbled. “Col’s going to be there. Will you be good?”

“Hey, I was civil last time.” You defended yourself. “He’s not so bad, I’ll give you that.”

“So you’ll be fine if you’re stuck with him while I’m in the booth.” Dom asked, pulling up in front of the studio next to a purple car.

You nodded. “I’ll be okay, no need to worry about me.”

Dom chuckled as he unfastened his seatbelt. “I always worry about you, pudding face.”

“I thought Dad told you to stop calling me that.” You rolled your eyes as you opened the car door. Your first introduction to Justin’s pudding as a twelve year old left you with a face full of it. Dom found it to be the most hilarious thing back then and proceeded to honor you with the nickname ‘pudding face’. He loved it, you did not. 

“Dad’s not here, is he?” Dom called to you over the roof of the car. “That’s a fookin’ sick car, innit?”

“It is.” You agreed. “Is it Colson’s?”

“Yep, he’s waiting inside.” 

You followed Dom into the building where he clearly knew his way. You nodded and smiled politely to everyone he greeted with excitement.

Upon opening a door marked ‘studio 7B’, you followed Dom in and saw Colson on the couch with one other guy. Once all the guys hugged it out and introduced who needed to be introduced, Dom turned to you.

“Boys, this is my sister.” Dom motioned to you.

“Hey.” You smiled. “I’m here to take pictures and do some backup vocals.”

“Ay, backup vocals team!” The guy who was introduced to Dom as Rook reached out a hand for a high five.

“Yeah, but she’s mostly here for emotional support.” Dom chuckled as you high fived Rook.

“That too.” You laughed. 

Not long after the introductions, Dom and Colson made their way into the recording booth leaving you with Rook.

“So you’re his sister?” Rook asked, not surprising you.

“Adopted.” You answered and he nodded. “You’re doing drums too, right?”

“Yeah, but only ‘cause Trav couldn’t come today.” He explained. “He’s a fuckin’ god on the drums, that guy.”

“Tell me about it.” You gushed. “Watching him play is insane.”

“That’s what everyone says when I play.” Rook said with a smirk.

“I bet.” You nodded. “Drums are just like that.”

“Mhm.” Rook hummed in agreement before chuckling. “Kells told me about the idiot move he made when you guys first met.”

You chuckled and rolled your eyes. “The biggest idiot move.”

Rook laughed and darted his eyes towards Colson in the booth. “Don’t be too hard on him though, he felt really bad after.”

“It’s alright.” You shrugged. “Only gave him shit for a little bit. Enough to keep him on his toes.”

“Good.” Rook nodded. Before he could continue, Colson popped out of the booth and slumped down on the couch next to you.

“Rook, you good for doing some vocals with Dom?” He asked, voice sounding somewhat pained.

Rook nodded and tossed him a ‘yeah, sure’ before heading into the booth. 

“You feeling okay?” You couldn’t help but be concerned.

Colson raised an eyebrow at you and laughed. “What? You don’t hate me anymore?”

“Pfft, you know I had to give you some shit about that.” You said light heartedly. “But seriously though, you don’t look too good.”

“I’ll be fine.” Colson brushed you off. “Got some chest pains. It’ll pass.”

“You sure?” Colson nodded. “Damn, you musicians always got me worried.”

“Why, Dom getting in trouble?” Colson chuckled. 

“No, but I gotta keep him in check.” You glanced up through the glass at Dom and Rook in the booth and giggled. “Like right now.”

The two of them were throwing around drumsticks at each other and not doing the backup vocals they were supposed to be in there for. You hopped up and leaned over the control panel and hit the button under the mike and spoke directly into their headphones. “I thought you were supposed to be doing backup vocals, not whatever this is.”

Dom looked up and made eye contact with you and laughed. “Come in and do ‘em yourself if you want ‘em done!”

You rolled your eyes and sat back down, choosing to ignore your brother. Soon enough, the light sound of them singing the chorus seeped into the room through the glass.

As you sat down, you felt your phone in your back pocket start vibrating. You pulled it out and saw the same unknown number that had been calling for a couple days. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion before declining the call.

“You need to take that?”

“What?” You looked up at Colson and shook yourself out of it. “Oh sorry, no I don’t. Anyways, what were we talking about?”

-

The world was tuned out as you walked around the set with your headphones in. It was the last day for the music video shoot and the vibe on set was pretty relaxed. They were doing a few reshoots and crowd shots, simple stuff. And since your appearance wasn’t necessary, you decided a little walk to that smoothie place down the street couldn’t hurt anyone.

One last turn near Colson’s trailer before the exit and then you heard… screaming? Someone was shouting so loud at the gate that you could hear them through your music. You paused your playlist and listened closely to try and decipher the words.

“My daughter is in there! You can’t be serious!” A voice you almost forgot screamed.

“Ma’am, you can’t be here. You can wait for your daughter outside.” You heard the security guard say.

You stayed hidden behind Colson’s trailer when you heard the door open. You heard Colson’s boots hit the ground as he approached the lady.

“Can I help you?” Colson asked. Ugh, Colson! You knew he was only trying to help, but now? With your- this lady? Of all people, this lady?

“You!” You heard the lady say gleefully, no doubt pointing directly at Colson. “You’re exactly who I need right now! Listen young man, my daughter is on this set and I need to see her. It’s a family emergency. Her name is y/n.” 

You didn’t hear Colson say anything, clearly gauging the situation himself. He knew enough to know that this was not your mother. At least not anymore. Before you would have to struggle through a response, you decided to leave your hiding spot and face her before shit got ugly.

“She’s about this tall and she’s got- Oh, there she is!” She gleamed when she saw you. You felt your stomach churn when you laid eyes on her for the first time in years. “y/n! y/n, over here!”

Colson held you back by your shoulder before you approached her, making you look up into his eyes. He seemed to be asking if you really wanted to do this and you nodded, but you didn’t want him to leave. “Stay?” You whispered, and he nodded.

He stayed a few steps behind you as you approached your mother.

“Oh y/n! Look at you, so gorgeous.” She breathed out, sending shivers down your spine. You couldn’t count the number of times she had complimented before you left her because she never did. “You look just like your momma.” 

“What are you doing here?” You asked, not playing along with her little act.

“Like I was saying to that fine man over there,” She pointed at Colson and smiled, “we’ve got a family emergency.”

“What do you need me for? I’m not family to you.”

“Don’t be silly, of course you’re family. I’ve been calling for you ages, but you never pick up.” She spoke through gritted teeth. “Don’t cause a scene, stupid girl.” She whispered and leaned forward, grabbing your wrist with a tight grip. She pulled you towards her and reached up to pull at your hair like she always did when you were a kid.

Before she could yank your hair, you pulled your hand away and stumbled backwards into Colson who grabbed you by the shoulders. “Don’t fucking touch me!”

She gasped loudly. “How dare you scream at your mother?!” She walked towards you and slapped you across the face.

“What the fuck, are you insane?!” Colson yelled, pulling you away from her.

“And who the fuck are you, huh?” She spat at him, sickly sweet cover up gone as quickly as it always did. 

“I’m your worst fucking nightmare.” Kells seethed. “If you don’t leave right now, I’m calling the fucking cops. You hear me?”

“You think I’m afraid of some cops?” She laughed. “Call ‘em. See if I care.”

Colson stared her down before turning to the security guard. “Can you please escort this lady off the premises?”

“Sure thing, boss.” He nodded and grabbed her arms and held them behind her back. Her screams and yells became background noise as you watched Colson turn to you.

“Are you alright?” He asked, pulling your hand away from your cheek and wincing at the sight of your swollen red skin.

“I’m fine.” You sniffled. “Please don’t tell Dom.”

-

Dodging sweaty bodies right and left, none of them were the person Colson was looking for. He wasn’t expecting you to come to the wrap party after what happened earlier, but Dom told him that you had arrived with him.  

Knowing why you didn’t want Dom to know, Colson promised you he wouldn’t say anything. Dom was letting loose and celebrating the end of their hard work. If he had seen what happened a few hours ago, he wouldn’t be as carefree and happy as he is now. Colson sent him a nod and a smile from afar as he continued his search for you.

Every room, bathroom, corner, nook, and cranny was searched, but to no avail. His house was packed with people, but not to the degree in which he couldn’t find a specific someone anywhere at all. He pulled out a joint and lit it in frustration. He puffed out the smoke as he bound up the stairs two at a time. He needed a breather, and the best place for that was his balcony.

The party was almost completely shut out once Colson shut his bedroom door, yet he could still feel the bass of the speakers in his feet. He stepped over piles of clothes and dodged three suitcases from his last three trips to the airport. Pushing open the balcony door, he felt the fresh air hit him.

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and stepped out into the moonlight.

“Hey.”

His bedroom balcony is not where he expected to find you after everywhere he looked.

“Fuck dude, I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” Colson sighed, coming to lean against the railing next to you.

“Sorry.” You said softly. “Needed a breather. After what happened.”

“Me too.” He said before taking a drag from his joint and letting it out from his nostrils. “That was fucking heavy.”

“Tell me about it.” You chuckled darkly. “Glad it’s over.”

“When was the last time you saw her?” Colson turned to you.

“I’m not really sure.” You mused. “I think I was eleven.”

“Holy shit.” He said, eyes wide.

“Yeah.” You nodded. “There was the court stuff when I was thirteen, but I don’t remember much of it.”

“I get it.” Colson said. “Mine came over every couple of months after she left, but I don’t remember any of it. Good thing, too. I don’t wanna remember that shit.” 

“Blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood.” You said the phrase out of instinct, not really thinking of it. It was the catchphrase of the Harrison family as soon as you moved in with them, everyone said it at least once a day.

“Why do you say that all the time?” Colson asked.

“What?”

“You and Dom.” Colson motioned to the back where Dom was downstairs. “You always say that. I’ve heard it almost every day since we started writing this song together. Blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood. Why?”

“It’s this song. Dad would play it for me every night for the first year I stayed with them.” You smiled and recalled the lyrics. “Our family never shared the same last name, but our family was a family the same. And they say blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood. Kind of turned into our catchphrase.”

“It’s a good catchphrase to have.” Colson nodded. “You don’t just get to be called family, you earn it.”

Colson held out his joint towards you and stood up a bit straighter. “To our fucked up childhoods.”

You laughed and took the joint from between his fingers. 

“To our fucked up childhoods.”

[youllneverknowrac]

Oscar Diaz-Six

(MBS)

“I took the pill.” You complain to Oscar,”I told you we should have been using condoms.” You say and run you hand down your face in annoyance, Oscar standing there with a victorious smile,”You did this to me! Again!”

“If I remember correctly it takes two to make a baby.” He chuckles and places the positive pregnancy test down on the dresser,”You weren’t complaining about me not wearing a condom when I was hitting it the other day.”

“Ugh, shut up.” You groan and pull your hair into a messy bun,”You won, congratulations. I’m having another one of your kids.” You weren’t mad, you knew you could have been smarter in preventing yourself from getting pregnant but the truth was you hated what birth control did to your body and you did not like the way a condom felt. You were just annoyed that Oscar was going to rub this in your face forever,”You fucked yourself, because now we’re going to have three kids in our room, you get to explain that to Angel. He already hates sharing the bed with Alex.”

“Those two have a shared room upstairs, and their own beds. So by the time my little girl gets here they are going to be well trained on sleeping by themselves.” Oscar says simply,”They have a few more months left until we have to kick them out.”

“Girl? Ha!” You laugh as you throw one of the couch pillows at him,”I’m positive it’s another boy seeing as we’ve already done this five times.”

“Hormones already changing?” He teases as he lets the pillow hit him in the chest and fall to the ground,”How far along do you think you are with my princesa?”

“Oscar, I swear to you if I have to carry another one of your boys I’m getting my tubes tied.” You pout, ignoring his question

“Mami, you don’t have to worry. It’s a girl, it has to be.” He says as he walks over to you and pulls you into his arms,”Six kids, it’ll be more than perfect.”

“I guess we’ll have to wait and see if your right. Probably not.”

“I will be, try and get an appointment in as fast as you can okay? I want to know how far along you are so we can start planning.”

“I can’t be more than eight weeks, I just took notice in my body changing, but who knows since you almost never manage to pull out in time.” You say smartly

“It’s harder than you think, and it’s not exactly what I’m focused on when I’m trying to finish.” He defends

“Whatever, your pull out game is weak. I’ve known this since you got me pregnant after the first time we ever did anything. Best five minutes of my life.”

“I was sixteen that does not count.” He laughs,”It was more like seven if you want to be technical.”

“You keep telling yourself that papi.” You say with a shake of your head,”Go pick up the kids from you brothers house, I’ll get dinner started. Looks like we got some big news to tell them.”

“Okay.” He says and pecks your lips,”Make sure you eat enough for my bebecita. She’s gonna have a appetite like her daddy.”

“Go away!” You laugh and lightly push him towards the front door,”I’m going to get the last laugh when we find out it’s most definitely not a girl.”

“Wanna bet money?” He challenges as he grabs his keys off the hook.

“Your money is my money, and my money is my money.” You grin

“Niña mimada.” He teases, giving you another kiss,”See you in a bit, love you.” He mutters against your mouth.

“I love you. Drive safe.” You say, not shutting the door until he’s in the car and out of the drive way.

~

“Mommy!” Angel says as runs into the house and hugs your leg tightly”I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” You say and lower the heat on the final smothered pork chops you were making. The sides already done and waiting to be served,”Did you have fun at Uncle Cesar’s?” You ask him, the rest of your family coming in.

“Yeah! We stayed up all night and watched movies.”

“It was not all night. Angel passed out at 10.” Anthony replies amusingly before sending you a wave,”Hi mom.” He says, coming over to give you a side hug,”I’m gonna go put my stuff away.” He informs before heading up the stairs with his over night bag.

“I missed you mommy.” Carlos says, his turn to hug you now,”It smells really good, did you make macaroni?” He asks with a toothy grin.

“Yup. There’s also mashed potatoes and cheesy broccoli.” You tell him as you run your fingers through his hair,”So go upstairs and put your things away, the food will be ready in a few minutes.”

“You got it.” He says, giving you one more squeeze before taking off.

You pick up Angel, checking on the food one last time before heading to the living room, Junior and Oscar in conversation as your husband holds Alexander,”Too old to come say hi to your mom?” You say to your eldest, who was home for the weekend like always. So you were a bit sad when he decided to go over to Cesar’s last night since you only had limited time with him.

“Never.” He grins, towering over you as he gives you a big embrace,”Missed you mom.”

“Hm, what did you get up to last night?” You ask, knowing that out of all of your kids he was the closest with his uncle. Only because they were so close in age and you all lived together up until Cesar hit legal age and moved out.

“Nothing.” He shrugged,”Just chilled with Cesar.”

“Uncle Cesar.” Angel corrects him

“Yeah, yeah, Uncle Cesar.” He chuckles,”Smells good mom, like always.” He compliments, grabbing his own bag as well as the bag that you packed for the two little ones,”I’ll take it to their room.”

“Thank you.” You smile and turn to your husband,”Did your brother say anything about Alex?”

“Just that he was stuck on Monse’s hip all night. Only wanted to be fed, changed, and put to bed by her.”

“Ladies man.” You laugh and swap kids with Oscar, pressing a kiss to your still bald babies head.

“Just like his daddy.” Oscar says amusingly

“Excuse me?” You say with a raised eyebrow,”We’ve been together since we were teenagers. You were never a ladies man. I’m your only lady.”

“I had game before you. That’s how I pulled you so easily.”

“You were trying to get at me since I was 12, I didn’t cave till I was 15.” You respond knowingly, the two of you heading into the dining room so you can sit the boys down in their individual chairs,”And the two girls you did try to show off to make me jealous we’re not even on my level papi.”

“I was still pulling though.” He chuckles as he secures Alexander in the high chair.

“Yeah so was I, remember Javier Gomez? He was in your grade...He was why I didn’t give you the time of the day.” You smirk, Oscar knowing about the little crush you had many years ago.

“Man, you always got to bring him up.” Oscar says with a smack of his lips,”You should have married him if you liked him that much.”

You quickly fix Angel’s hair after he’s in the booster, tying it back in his usual curly ponytail,”See that was my plan.” You start, going to the kitchen to serve the plates,”But another tattooed, muscle shirt wearing cholo got my attention and ended up trapping me with a baby.”

“More like you trapped me.” Oscar says, pressing himself behind you as you put food on all of the plates,”You climbed onto me, we were suppose to be watching tv.” He reminds, pressing a small kiss to the side of your neck, his hands wrapping around you and resting on your stomach,”Now here we are, 20 years later with almost six kids.”

You grin and lean back into him,”Hmh.” You hum, grabbing two of the finished plates and turn around so he can take them to the table,”I’m sure Javier would have given me my daughter by now.” You say, shoving the plates towards him.

“Alright I’m sorry, I was never a ladies man. Please stop bringing his ass up.” Oscar says as he grabs the items with a pout.

You smile and peck his cheek,”Fine, now go put those down and come back for more.”

Oscar nods and does as you say,”Come eat!” You shout, serving more plates as Oscar takes them to the table when they’re ready.

“Thanks mom!” Anthony says as he zooms past you and to his usual seat.

“Mac and cheese!” Carols cheers as he does the same.

“Thanks for cooking.” Junior smiles and takes the last plate to the table for you. You grab the pitcher of water and bring it over to the table, sitting down as you all begin to eat. Alexander just eating the mashed potatoes with his hands, the only thing you served him along with his bottle of milk.

After while when most of the kids are near finished you clear your throat to grab their attention,”So, I have some news. Well me and your dad do.” You start

“Oh god, your pregnant again aren’t you?” Junior guesses,”I’ve been through this conversation four times and you always start it off like that.”

“Three times for me.” Anthony chimes in before taking the final bite off of his plate.

“Are you mommy? Are you having another baby?”Carlos asks excitedly

“Well yes, thanks for that Junior.” You laugh,”I took a test this morning so I don’t know how far along I am exactly.”

“Hey, I’m just saying. I’m use to this.” He shrugs,”Still, congratulations mom. Dad, glad to see your not getting too old.” He jokes as he stands up with his dishes, taking his younger brothers as well.

“You’re not to gown to get smacked around fool.” Oscar jokes as he tosses his balled up napkin at him, Junior laughing as he goes to rinse off the plates.

“Baby?” Angel says, confusion etched on to his face,”Alex is baby.”

“Yes he is a baby, and now mommy has another baby in her belly.” You explain

“Two babies?” He asks with furrowed brows

“Yes, two babies.” You confirm

“No thank you mommy. No more babies.” He decides with a shake of his head

“Well it’s too late for that mijo.” Oscar chuckles, reaching over with a new napkin to clean off Alexander.

“No more brothers.” Angel disagrees

“What if it’s a girl? A sister?” You ask him as you stand up to let him out of his booster chair.

“Yeah! A sister.” Anthony and Carlos say with glee.

“Girl?” Angel repeats, thinking it over,”Okay mommy. Only baby sister, no brother.”

“Let’s hope you’re right.” You laugh and let him run away after setting him down, the other two boys getting up and joining him in the living room to play with the LEGO’s.

“So is this the last one?” Junior asks, coming back for more plates

“See I want to say no, but seeing as all of you guys -besides Alex- were surprises I’m just going to say maybe.”

“It would have been cool if you could have had a baby closer to my age.” Junior says as he takes your plate along with Oscar’s.

“Are you crazy? We were too young and besides we had Cesar to take care of too. He’s practically your hermano.” Oscar answers as he gets up with the baby.

“Still.” Junior shrugs, heading over to the kitchen again to empty his hands.

“Besides you got to enjoy us all by your self, and I got to enjoy my first baby.” You say and bump his side with yours playfully.

“I guess your right.” He smiles as he cleans,”It was fun, sometimes I wish we could go back to the old house and relive the days when it was just us and Cesar.”

“It was fun. I miss it too sometimes.” You admit,”But the future is always better, at least for us it was and is...I’ll finish up. Go study or get some work done.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, go.” You nod and take over, Oscar going ahead and putting Alexander in the bath.

It doesn’t take too long until the kitchen is once again spotless, sending Carlos and Anthony up stairs to get ready for bed. Angel following you into the bedroom,”I take shower with you.” He says, already pulling off his t-shirt and putting it into the hamper.

“Okay.” You laugh, the two of you walking into the bathroom to find Oscar drying off the baby,”All clean?”

“All clean.” He reply’s, reaching for the lotion and lathering up Alex from head to toe.

You don’t reply and run the water, Angel getting completely undressed and running over to his potty chair that sat in the corner.

“All done.” He says aloud, you already in the shower and Oscar dressing Alex.

“Hurry up, before the water gets out.” You urge, pushing open the glass door and letting him step in with you. The two of you taking a quick shower before getting out and drying off. Angel leaving to his room to grab his pajamas and a night pull up.

“You look like your already showing.” Oscar says from where he lays on the bed, Alexander already asleep on his chest.

“I’m just fat.” You laugh as you walk over to the closet, pulling on a over sized tee and a pair of underwear,”I’ve always had this belly.”

“Nah, I know your body. That’s definitely a pregnant belly.” He chuckles, a now dressed Angel coming back into the room and closing the door behind him.

“Scoot over daddy.” He sighs,”You knew I was coming.”

“My fault.” Oscar reply’s, scooting over to his side so Angel could lay in the middle. You shake your head and turn the light off, sliding in the bed and turning some cartoons on for him to fall asleep too.

“I can fit the baby right here.” Oscar informs you, patting his chest,”If it comes down to it.”

“Be quiet.” You laugh

“Sólo estoy diciendo la verdad.”

“We can not co-sleep with three kids. So like I said earlier, you better have these two in their own room by the time this thing inside of me gets here.”

“Yes mam.” Oscar says teasingly,”I can do that easily.”

“It’ll be a walk in the park.” You say sarcastically, already knowing that this was not going to be a easy task to complete. Nothing in your life being a easy task to complete when it came to your family,”I’ll call the doctor in the morning, I’m sure she can schedule me in sometime this week.” You add, referring to the same doctor that you used for all of your kids.

“Just let me know, I’ll try to call off of work.” Oscar says happily.

“Okay.” You yawn, your mind still processing that you were once again creating another human life. That the love between you and Oscar already blossomed 5 amazing boys. That you guys had enough love left to be able to give it one more go. Even if it wasn’t exactly planned on your part you knew that baby was going to bring much more joy into your family’s life. Your lucky little six.

[purplesurveys]

1268

The last person you kissed treat you right? Nah.

Would you be shocked if the last person you had feelings for texted you? I’m not interested in anyone; haven’t been in a while.

Is this upcoming year going to be a good one for you? Ugh, I dunno...I feel like 2021 was already such a peak. It’s scary to place high expectations for the next year because it’d obviously be a bummer if it ends up sucking. I can only hope it would be even just as halfway decent as this year.

What if you had a baby with the last person you texted? Biological impossibility aside, it would cause such a stir in the office, I presume. It would also be a big mistake, considering I don’t feel anything towards her and so I’m just not sure how large my commitment would be to the new life being formed.

Who knows your biggest secrets? Well most of them are with Gabie, unfortunately. Thankfully she forgets easily so I hope she doesn’t remember most of them anymore.

Do you care if people hate you for no reason? I care in the sense that I would find it laughable.

Are you in a good mood? Um I think I’m just neutral today. I recklessly took three cups of coffee yesterday and I’m still recovering from what feels like the world’s worst hangover, but I also like that it’s the weekend...idk, there are many elements that are either good or bad that make up my mood today, so I think overall I’m just meh hahaha.

Were you single on your last birthday? Yes.

Does it bother you when people respond with one word texts? Not really, unless it’s meant to be a response that warrants more than one word.

Have you ever ran from your own parents? I had plans to run away before, but until now I can’t actually tell if my feelings then were genuine or if it had just been an angsty puberty lashing-out thing.

Are you afraid of clowns? No. Is there someone you are dying to see? Any of my friends.

Do you have any hickeys on you? No, it’s been a while.

You just won $100,000, what’s the first thing you would buy? A new phone because the LCD on mine is B U S T E D as fuck.

Are you currently looking forward to anything? Getting my next paycheck lol. I allotted most of my last salary for other people – three birthdays (Angela’s, my mom’s, my sister’s – why are there so many Virgos?!?! Hahaha) and chipping in to help my dad for an unexpected plumbing issue that came up at home – so nearly none of it was left for me. Fortunately the rest of the month will be far calmer so I don’t intend on touching my next pay lmao. Is your hair long enough to put in a ponytail? Yes. I always want it to be long enough to be tied in a ponytail.

Is love worth fighting for? Yeah, I still believe so. The last time I did, it was just for the wrong person.

Is there anyone you wish you could be spending time with right now? I want to be with Angela, Reena, and Hans so we can watch the entire Memories of 2020 together :( I’ve been watching it by myself so far (I was the only one in our group who bought a copy lol) and it’s just not as big of a blast.

Will this Friday be a good one? I’m not sure yet but I know for a fact I’ll still be relieved since it will be a Friday...

Could you picture yourself getting married and having kids? Yeah but the image gets blurrier as the days go by.

What is your current mood? Dizzy from my coffee overconsumption; annoyed because I have OT work to do today; calm thanks to the cold and cloudy weather.

Did the last person you kissed name start with a J, C, B, I, R, S, Q, L or A? No.

Who last poked you on Facebook? Is that still a feature? I genuinely have no clue but I also don’t know if anyone ever did poke me. I was extremely introverted back then and wouldn’t have been a target for poking.

Is it harder to be rejected or to reject someone else? Be rejected.

What did you fall asleep thinking about last night? I went to bed with the biggest headache in the history of headaches and with a nagging desire to try throwing up from the three cups of coffee I took, so I was actually feeling extremely worried as I was trying to turn in hahaha. I had the worst scenarios in my head.

Who is someone who puts up with you no matter what? Angela. I actually just thanked her for it yesterday, since I was feeling emotional with the one-year mark of my breakup coming up.

Last person to call you? A delivery rider asking for directions to my house, as always.

Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me?” Yes.

Do you like to take walks? The need comes up rarely.

Were you happy when you woke up today? Not really. I was just nauseous.

When was the last time you cried? Last night. I was in the middle of a weekend work meeting over Zoom and...idk, a bunch of emotions dropped down on me all over a sudden as I was reflecting on the breakup. I could hardly concentrate on the meeting and I’m pretty sure I was on the brink of a panic attack, but thankfully both my cam and mic were turned off. I just let myself cry. I was feeling every emotion at once, I think is what happened.

Can you honestly say you’re okay right now? Yes.

What are you planning on doing after this? I wanna look for another survey to take.

Will tomorrow be better than today? No, because tomorrow will be Monday, and I’m never excited about that.

Is there a girl you would do anything for? Sure.

Is there a boy you would do anything for? Sure.

Who IM'ed you on Facebook last? Reena.

What were you doing at 4 a.m.? I was wrapping up my Rhythm Hive session and also feeling the increasing discomfort of my migraine.

Have you ever liked someone who treated you badly? It was way beyond like.

Are you a jealous person? Hmm, sometimes. I feel envy more often than jealousy, though.

Are you someone who hates to read? Hahaha yeah, unfortunately I’ve turned into such a person. I wonder where my love of reading went. :(

When was the last time you went in the car past midnight? February when I went to a bar with friends and we wrapped up way later than I thought we would.

What was the last thing you ate? That would be breakfast; and earlier my mom prepared fried rice with omelette, eggplant salad with salted egg, luncheon meat, and dried fish.

Who was the last person to text you? Kata.

How is your hair? Funny you brought this up...I was playing with my hair while we were streaming mass awhile ago, and I plucked my first-ever white strand of hair :( Needless to say I’m freaking out and feeling existential about it lmao.

Could things possibly get any better? I definitely read that with Chandler Bing’s voice in my head lol. < Hahaha now I did, too! Anyway, yeah, maybe a little.

How important are looks to you? It’s up there.

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? No, it sits exactly on my shoulders.

Who would you like your next “fling” to be with? I’m not looking for flings.

Were your last two kisses with the same person? Yeah, but those last two kisses were well over a year ago.

Will you be in a relationship in the next couple months? Nope.

Do you have trust issues? Now I do.

Do you have alcohol in your house? Yeah I still have several bottles of soju and beer left in the fridge. My parents also have a couple of bottles of white wine but I would never touch that lol. I believe we also still have that bottle of JD somewhere in the pantry.

You’re locked in a room with the person you last kissed. Any problems? None on my end, only because I stopped caring forever ago.

Have you ever kissed someone who smokes? Yep.

If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? Sure, that might even end up being fun. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? I lasted nearly 15 times longer than that, if my mental math is correct.

Did you ever kiss someone with a tattoo? No.

Think back to October, were you with someone? Not anymore, but October 2020 had been a major grieving month.

[dragonrajafanfiction]

The Wedding (Part 1) The Trap is Laid

Oh yeah... It’s all coming together... @rurifangirl

Thanks to an entire bottle of vodka you slept soundly. The sun was well up on the horizon when you crawled out of bed and took your time in the Jacuzzi. Your heart was beating fast both with excitement and nervousness.  But you had to stay in character. You loved Chime. He was wonderful, sweet, shy and beautiful, so beautiful. You dressed in a comfortable robe and reminded yourself of Z’s advice on the night of Chance’s death. Ignore everyone and speak to no one unless absolutely necessary. 

You open the shades to the windows over Tokyo and gasp.

Hydra’s minions had all left last night. The owner of the Takamagahara had a 75% stake in Hydra assets. If she sold it all, she could bankrupt the entire organization in an instant. So she had forced them to hold off on their assault for 24 hours.

But the Hydra were still the owners of Tokyo itself. Hydra still blockaded the area and controlled the subway station from the outskirts a few kilometers from here. The vast majority of merchants cooperated with them and the streets were desolate. This is called ‘clearing the area’, clearing out all the irrelevant people before the important people meet. After the clearing is done, Takamagahara will become the lone store on the street. If the negotiations failed, Hydra could go on a killing spree. The police department won't care about it, and there won't be anyone on the street to bail you out.

The streets were deserted, businesses were closed. There were signs on the doors saying "Sorry for the suspension of business". The police have set up barricades at both ends of the road so that cars without special permits cannot enter.

Taking advantage of the empty streets, the staff had lined both sides with garlands of roses, lilies, poppies and baby’s breath. Ribbons were tied to every tree. Ice sculptures of famous romantic scenes from classic literature were on the way. They were setting up stations with booths for food and souvenirs. Huge banners announcing the marriage between the “Dragon Lord Chime Gen and his Dragon Lady MC” hung over every major intersection. It looked more like a fairy tale royal wedding than a meeting between the Yakuza leaders of Japan.

Your heart beats faster and you hurry out of your executive level bedroom and head to the first floor where redecorating was in full swing! With the help of the construction team they had dressed it up as a night scene of the Shinjuku district, with neon signs of all sizes and an elevated bridge spanning from above.

“I hope everything is to your liking?” Su Enxi, the owner of the Takamagahara smiles smugly behind you.

“This is amazing! It’s like Tokyo Nightlife has come inside!” 

“We chose the theme of a Yakuza wedding! So everyone here will be dressed as gangsters.” She held out one of the fancy invitations. The art was in the style of a Yakuza Tattoo with dragons, koi fish and tigers crawling in that traditional Ukiyo-E style that the Hydra Executive Board were famous for. On the inside was a lot of Japanese text you couldn’t read, but the art depicted shadow figures standing in a desolate alley.

“I love it!” You hand it back to her.

“Good. Here’s the guest list.” She hands it to you.

You blinked a bit. You didn’t recognize any of these names. 

“We didn’t know who you would like so we invited pretty much every major powerplayer and celebrity in Japan. Only women of course.” 

“These are all celebrities?” You stare at the list trying to find at least one name you knew.

Enxi frowned slightly and you flinched. How should you know? You were born nearly 40 years ago and you didn’t know any of these people from Adam. She expected you to be impressed. “Oh, right! Yes, I … yes I”m happy they’re coming!” You say, trying to recover.

It didn’t work and she takes back the list with an annoyed huff. “Don’t worry about learning their names. They’re only here to serve as shields and bargaining chips. The Hydra won’t be able to clear the area quickly if these celebrities are having a great time. If they try, it will be too much of a propaganda scandal.”

“I see.” You nod sagely. “Thank you.”

“Now go upstairs, eat, and get to the salon at 4 pm.” She checks her watch. “Guests will start to arrive at 8 pm tonight.”

“Where’s Chime?” 

“The groom? Hiding. It’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding.” She doesn’t even look at you as she walks away and claps her hands. “Chop! Chop! Let’s get moving!”

You return to your room with breakfast and hear a soft knock on the door. You open to Caesar who steps inside. “Ready for your big day?”

He was dressed casually again, just jeans and a muscle shirt. After all, he was going to work soon and probably wanted to relax.  He looks over at the bottles of vodka and the bit of cigar you’d left on the table and raises an eyebrow. It looked like you had guests last night. “Did you party without me?”

“You can say that. Just some old friends.” You walk over to the massive floor to ceiling liquor cabinet and open the door. “Can I get you something?”

“I’m good.” He pauses again. He didn’t follow you. He’s staring at you.

“What?” You stare right back.

“Aren’t you going to ask about Zero?” Caesar asks.

You frown and close the cabinet. “Oh, that girl? Is she recovering alright?”

“She is. Lu Mingfei is looking over her for now. I’m surprised you didn’t come down to visit?”

You bat your eyes innocently. “Did she ask for me?”

Caesar turned away and walked over to the dining table, dropping the subject. The man was sharp. No doubt he saw the photo of Renata and immediately recognized Zero. When you met Zero, he likely noticed your reaction. He didn’t understand but he would drop it for now since it was clear that despite your obvious past affection you weren’t going to talk about her. “I want to say you came through again with this sudden wedding. I did not think you would go this far. How did you convince that Gen brother?”

“I just framed it as a way to convince Chisei. Is it extreme? Yes, but he’s that desperate.” You deliberately avoided mentioning anything about King General and moved away from the liquor cabinet to make tea instead. “Have you talked with Chime?”

“He’s still asleep.” Caesar picked another cigar from the box and lit it. “I trust you’ve thought through all the implications for going through with this?”

“Yes.” You say, putting the tea kettle on and waiting for it to boil. “I’ll start with the implications if things go badly. Let’s say that Chisei is a bigger idiot than we thought and he does kill Chime. As his wife, I won’t be spared. This marriage puts me not only in the Devil Clan officially but also in the upper rankings. At best, I’ll be imprisoned forever. But more likely I’ll be killed as a Devil.”

“Should our special guest arrive and I can’t use my love effectively, hundreds of people could die, all of them top celebrities. More importantly, I’ll lose my entire world even if I do manage to survive.” Everyone you ever knew was here. Z, Renata, Caesar, Chu Zihang, Lu Mingfei and Fingel. If they all died tonight, you would be desolate with nothing left.

You return with the tea and sit down across from him. “If things go right, then a lot of things will be in your hands, not mine. You’ll be negotiating my place in Japan with Chisei. Once all the things are completed, I’ll be in a position to help run the Devil Clan just by my position alone as his wife and I'll be easily installed as Japan Branch lead should Chisei and Chime follow through on their desires to vacate those positions.”

Caesar nodded slowly but then he shuddered. “So cold.”

“What?” You look up.

“If you marry that guy I won’t see you for quite some time. You won’t be coming back with us.”

You smile over your cup. “Oh don’t give me that. An old friend is better than two new ones. As the saying goes.” You quip, slyly referencing Chime’s split persona. “I still have your wedding to attend. And I consider you my best man at this wedding.”

“Brides can have a Best Man?” Caesar asked.

“It’s my wedding. I do what I want.” You rest your chin on the heel of your hand.

Caesar took a deep breath and took the cigar with him as he stood. “Well, I gotta do what I gotta do. There’s going to be shows before your appearance and I'm in one of them.”

“Break a leg.” You say as he leaves.

You still feel uneasy. You want to talk to Z. You stand up and leave that room and go to the bathroom, a spot Fingel had described as a blind spot. The bathroom was empty when you got there but when you turned to the mirror, Z was standing behind you. 

You whirl, with a ferocious look.  “Stop doing that!”

“Why? It’s fun!” He’s dressed in a tuxedo with golden cufflinks in the shape of dragons. “Why are you the only one who gets to have a good time? Enjoying the festivities?” He asked coyly.

“Yes I am. You’ve really outdone yourself. Thank you.”

Z suddenly frowned. And then he smiled again. “Hahaha… you almost had me there.”

“Yep! I hate you. You didn’t tell me Renata was alive. Go find a city bus to lay under.” You wink, but your words are serious.

“I’ve got my finger in so many pies right now. It’s not even funny. Show some respect. I just stopped by because I’m just so excited for this!” He held up a poster.

“I can’t read that.” The poster was of an evil man with a white rose in his mouth and a blood-stained sword across his chest, his eyes fierce, yet irresistibly sultry.

“It’s a wanted notice for the dangerous Ruri the Midnight Ripper!” He breathed excitedly, reading the poster. “The dangerous killer Midnight Ruri is active in the nights of Tokyo. He has killed countless young women, and the yakuza clan has offered a reward of 10 million yen for his head. Every woman going home tonight should be careful. It is said that he only attacks the most beautiful women, so the most conservative dress is the safest.” Z licked his lips and chuckled.

“Ugh. That’s insulting to the groom! Why would you do that?”

“It is the groom! You marry one, you marry the other!” Z laughed incredulously, slapping at the poster with his hand. “Did you forget? Or do you think it doesn’t matter who he kills so long as you’re alive?” He gives you a long glaring smile.

You gaze at him silently while he rolls up the poster. “It’s a beauty contest! All the ladies will read this and get excited. They’ll say ‘I’m the most beautiful. I hope to get targeted by Ruri!’ They will dress provocatively in hopes of attracting the attention of Ruri the Ripper. The venue will be loaded to the brim with delicious tempting targets!” He lets out another bird-like ‘ke-ke-ke’.

You can only scowl because you can’t argue.

“I didn’t tell you his true nature when you fell in love with him, I just told you not to do it. So… you can be forgiven for that. But this? Oh no, sweetheart. This is on you.” He points the poster at you. “But, don’t back out now!”

“I won’t. A lot is riding on this.  I feel like there’s a dagger at my back if I don’t go through with it…” You trail off, eyes lowering to the dagger that Z always kept at his side.

“It’s a hot, sexy dagger right?” Z swayed his hips and then turned around. “You kids have fun playing dress up. I’m going to get back to work.” 

He took one step and vanished.

You would spend the rest of the day in the beauty salon. Your dress was pure white, embroidered with pearls and diamonds that gave off the impression of scales, as though you were dressing up as the White King Izanami herself. Your hands were covered with elbow length princess gloves to hide the black veins on your skin, but then they stuck jewels in a mask like pattern on your face, trading your real scales for artificial ones. Your hair was piled high on your head in a traditional Japanese bun with silver sticks resembling horns.

The night fell and the desolate streets flooded with hundreds of Tokyo society elites as well as Hydra elite warriors. It turned out that Enxi used her financial clout to grant traffic passes to all the guests. Traffic was bumper to bumper. Every guest invited showed up to this wedding that shut down a major part of the city for an entire day. No one wanted to miss such an exclusive event.

The Takamagahara was filled to the brim with sleeveless and backless dresses, fishnet stockings in high heels, dangerously short skirts and perilously low cleavage.

The waiters wear black uniforms. They roll up their sleeves to reveal dragon and tiger tattoos. To light a customer’s cigarette they will draw out a waist pistol. The muzzle of the gun produced bright flames. It was impossible to tell who was armed with the real thing or with these toys. Because everyone was dressed as a Hydra Yakuza, it was hard to tell the Hydra members from the guests! 

The men and women shouted and played craps. The wine flowed endlessly. Occasionally the Whale came on stage to say two silly and majestic words, followed by a performance. Diamond was here to do his sexy rodeo strip show. There were popular shows such as BasaraKing's "Cleopatra" and Ukyou's "Sakura Falling on Itsuru Island". Armani was here to entertain guests with card tricks. Calypso dazzled a few of the younger guests. 

The sound of a powerful engine drowned out the music. A Harley Davidson motorcycle pulled into the middle of the dance floor. Caesar was dressed in a tight leather jacket, all covered in silver chains, with a shiny Desert Eagle stuck in his belt. He took off his sunglasses and threw them at the guests, "My engine is burning hot, are you ready?"

“BasaraKing! BasaraKing!" Hundreds of roses were thrown onto the stage.

White rose petals fell from the sky, and Chu Zihang, wearing a red leather trench coat with a skull mask, crashed from the sky to the center of the stage. Caesar drove his motorcycle towards Chu Zihang, and the two faked a fight, as if they were performing some kind of gangster stage show.

You watch from a hidden spot near the stage. You still have not seen Chime and Chime hasn't seen you. But it was almost time for the main event. Your wedding. All of this celebration was a luxurious trap for the King General and you searched the crowd looking for him. But if he was here, he wouldn’t be in the crowd. He’d be somewhere where he could see you. You were his target. You were his prey.

After a few rounds of fighting, Chu Zihang had picked up Caesar's dropped Desert Eagle and shot him through the chest, but then he suddenly swooped in and hugged Caesar, who was about to fall down.

The scene is about a pair of mob brothers, Caesar as the unruly brother and Chu Zihang as the lonely and sensitive brother. They grew up alone, but determined to be the best of the best. The brothers heard that politicians and gangsters must cooperate with each other in order to go higher and higher. So the two brothers drew lots, one to grow up as a gangster to defeat various gangs as the king of the gangsters; one to go to the University of Tokyo as a famous lawyer, and then enter the political world as a great politician. The result of the lottery is that the unruly brother Caesar is going to be a politician. While the sensitive brother Chu Zihang is going to break into the difficult underworld.

But they obeyed their destiny, and the two agreed not to contact each other again. But they always helped each other in critical moments. No one knew that the brother of the mob boss was a rising star in politics, and no one understood why the brother's gang always survived in the anti-gang operations.

Twenty years later Caesar’s politician character became a member of parliament and became even more headstrong, wanting to be the overlord of all Japan. So he set off a storm of anti-gang raids, and all the gangs were badly hit. Chu Zihang’s character had to intervene to stop the brother, saying that the yakuza had a long history in Japan and many people depended on them for their livelihood. If the yakuza were destroyed, it would be impossible for the brother-led government to support so many of the underprivileged in society, which would be tantamount to destroying the underprivileged in society. But Caesar’s character said that there is no such thing as the yakuza in his future plans, and it doesn't matter if he sacrifices some people's interests. Everything has to make way for his political future.

Finally, the brothers meet under the Over-Sea bridge in Tokyo Bay and duel in the same way they did at the place where they first drew lots and parted ways. In the end, it is the Gangster who shoots through the Politician brother's heart.

Chu and Caesar are acting out the ending of this ski.  Caesar is dying when he finally tells the truth. Because he has a terminal illness and can no longer protect Chu Zihang secretly. He fears that after his death his introverted brother will not be able to control so many yakuza gangs, so he sweeps the yakuza with his own iron fist.

"Remember our original agreement to be the number one yakuza emperor of Japan!" The brother's last words, "My brother will be number one in Japan!"

The applause was deafening and the guests were in tears. The play actually was acted very silly. Chu Zihang's mouthful of second-hand Japanese looked like he learned it off Duo Lingo, but the women who came here either loved BasaraKing and Ukyo or both, and those flaws were overlooked. 

A sad song started playing as the cherry blossoms fell over the two brothers. It was a popular song, only marginally appropriate, and the gist of it was two people who declare to each other how much they truly mean to each other, only after it was too late.

You didn’t know they were going to put something on like this. It was clearly directed at Chisei. Even though you were the main act, Caesar and Chu Zihang were supporting you and Chime in their own way.

Once the stage was cleared. The lights went up. Caesar hurried backstage. “Hey!” He whispers. “Knock ‘em dead!” 

You give him a grin and a thumbs up.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #384

“watch your tongue or have it cut from your head”

Do you post to say happy birthday on other people’s walls? Sometimes. Depends on my mood and the person. When was the last time you saw a rainbow? Idr. What’s your favorite television commercial? I don't watch TV enough at all to have one. And who has a favorite commercial, anyway? Do you trip a lot? I don't really trip a lot, but kinda fumble over my footing and stray a bit. I'm horrible at walking straight, and it's gotten worse as my legs have. How old is your television? The one in the living room is god knows how old. My parents were still together when they bought it. When did you last talk on the phone with someone? A couple days ago for my appointment with my psychiatrist. Are you currently sleepy? I'm quite convinced I'm permanently tired. Are you hot or cold natured? I am ALWAYS fucking hot, ugh. Do you take any advanced classes? I took mostly Honors classes in school. Do you have weak upper body strength? My body is just weak as a whole. What is the worst insult someone can call you? Emotionally weak. Are you good at sketching? If we're talking meerkats, haha. They're the only complex thing that I can freehand no problem without needing a reference, honestly. Ever play Angry Birds? Nah. I thought the movie was cute, though. Have you ever been to the zoo before? Yeah. Has anyone ever been weirdly obsessed with you? No. Are you afraid someone might steal your identity someday? It's not something I actively worry about at all. Like, you don't want my identity, I promise. Do you have any talents that come naturally? Growing up, adults always told me I was a "gifted" artist and writer. Also that I seem to have an unnaturally strong connection with animals. I've always been that person where a pet's owner is like "omg ____ never lets people do that" and whatnot. Have you ever had plastic surgery before? I haven't. It's funny though, how opposed to it I used to be... Like goddamn, I was such a fucking stupid and honestly judgmental teenager, regarding many things. I look back on her and cringe. Like damn dude, if you have a safe surgical procedure to help you enjoy the body you're stuck with the rest of your life, you go for it, boo. Are you afraid of airplane rides? Not really. What’s the best Valentine’s Day gift you’ve gotten? There was this one year where Jason had to go to work on Valentine's Day and I was super bummed, yet he still surprised me with a heart-shaped box of chocolates, roses, and a game I really wanted, Heavy Rain. I thought it was the sweetest. What is something you lose often? My phone. ;-; Do you enter a lot of sweepstakes? I don't enter any. Do you consider yourself physically active? *chuckles nervously* Do you have Netflix? Yeah. Favorite salad dressing? That Olive Garden replica you can buy at the store. Do you enjoy dancing? Once upon a time I did. My body could never handle it now. Have you ever considered writing a novel? Many times. Snow or sand? Snow, by twenty thousand miles. It is VERY hard for me to walk through sand, and I also hate hate hate hate HATE the sensation. Do you like sour candy? Heeeeeell yeah man. Have you gotten any injuries lately? If so, what & how? Nothing notable. Are you a clumsy person? Like you would not fucking believe. Last male you talked to in person? I think my primary physician's nurse. Are you thinking about asking anyone out? No. Pink lemonade or regular lemonade? Pink lemonade, for sure. But I love both. Chocolate or strawberry milk? CHOCOLATE. Strawberry milk is disgusting. Have you ever won a contest on the radio?No. Is there a song that reminds you of your best friend? There's quite a few. Has a book ever made you cry? Yes. Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up? Yes, for the time. Do you know anyone who has a pet bunny? Not that I'm aware. What store or website would you most like a gift card for? Rebel's Market. How do you feel about wolves? I adore wolves. Beautiful, majestic creatures with very interesting social dynamics. Name your top 3 favorite musical instruments. Electric guitar, violin, piano. What was the last book(s) you bought at a bookstore? At an actual bookstore, I think it was The Fault In Our Stars, which I never actually read. Do you use Pinterest? Yes. Do you know any sign language? No. Do you have a favorite poem? No. Do you have a dog? No. The one we were pretty much stuck with has a home now. Have you ever read The Little House on the Prairie series? I haven't. Have you ever gone on a service trip to an underprivileged country? No. Have you ever performed in front of more than 100 people? Yes, for dance. When (if ever) was the last time you went to church? Forever ago, I don't even remember the last time. What's a quote you think is really powerful? There's a whole lot. The first one that came to mind was, "An eye for an eye will leave the world blind," which I do believe has great depth in it. Have you ever had to do your laundry at a laundromat? Yes. Are you the oldest person who lives in your household? No. My mom is turning 60 (... I think?) this year. If you have tattoos, how long have you had them? I got my first the day I turned 18. Do you and your dad have similar personalities? We're alike in some ways, imo most notably in that we have NO fucking common sense, embarrassing as that is to admit. We're both kinda slow at understanding things, too. What were the last three things you had to drink? Mountain Lightning, milk, and water. What did your family usually do for Easter when you were a kid? Us three kids all got Easter baskets full of stuff, and we'd go egg-hunting when we were all awake. My little sister Nicole would always wake our parents up in excitement, haha. My parents hid plenty throughout the house, and there was always this one "special" egg that was actually from Mom's childhood and was extremely intricate and beautiful. You basically "won" the hunt if you found it, and it was extremely well-hidden. When you have house guests over, where do they sleep? Historically since living here, my two half-sisters and their spouses (the only people who've stayed over) slept in what is *technically* Mom's room, but for whatever reason this woman still insists on sleeping on the couch in the living room, I guess because she's used to it after all the years she didn't have her own room and bed. Are you emotionally stable? LOLOOLOLOOLLOLOOLOOLOLLOOLOLLLLLLLLLLL Do you still talk to the very first person you had sex with? No. Are you an atheist? No. I don't quite know how to define what I am, but since I believe there's SOME higher power, I don't think it's fitting to call me an atheist. What’s the largest bug you’ve ever found in your house? Hm... I'm unsure. Probably a male mosquito, 'cuz them bitches are big'ins. Would it annoy you if a stranger called you "sweetie?" If it was a man, I'd be creeped out. Are you into fashion design? Not really. What’s the worst thing you’ve gone through in the past year? My leg muscles continuing to degrade, honestly. I have to do something about this shit. How did you get your last bruise? I fell when stepping over the stupid dog gate. Have your parents ever forgotten your birthday? Yikes, no. Would you rather have some bacon or beef jerky? Bacon. Do you like your orange juice with lots or no pulp? NONE. Do you wear skinny jeans? Back when I wore jeans, they were the only kind I wore. What projects are you doing now for school? I'm outta school. What’s the most number of comments you have on a Facebook picture? What is the picture of? I have no idea. Do you like coconut flavored things? No. Have you ever met a famous author before? No. Do you know anybody who has been raped before? No, thank god. I know someone who might've almost been, though. I don't know what the fucking pig was going to do to her if my sister and I weren't there. Have you ever wished for bigger boobs? No. Being overweight, I just want smaller ones now, haha. Have you ever gone a full day without interacting with another person? I've gone many days without it. How many relationships have you been in that lasted less than a year? Four, if you're counting everyone that had the "boyfriend" title. Where were you going the last time you were on a plane? Home from Illinois. Where were you going the last time you were on a train? I've never been on one. Have you ever been significantly more physically fit than you are now? Holy fuck, yes. You would never guess now that I was perfectly healthy in high school especially, yet I still thought I was kinda fat. It hurts so much to look back on. When growing up, did you parents keep the house very tidy? I mean not excessively, but Mom was pretty dedicated to keeping the house in decent condition. With three kids though, of course the house was somewhat messy with toys and all. When you shop at IKEA, do you always stop to eat a snack/meal in the cafeteria? ... There's a fucking cafeteria in a furniture store? o_o I've never been there before. How many watches do you own? None, save for one in my "treasure box" from when I was a kid. I was SO SO SO obsessed with Finding Nemo that I kept my broken one. I did the same with my horribly aged sneakers, like the soles were coming off and Mom finally made me stop wearing them, ha. Are there any ways in which you greatly differ from everyone else in your family? I do fucking nothing and am useless to society. Should teenagers be allowed to have their cell phones with them in class? Yes, because emergencies happen. I personally think it's best to maybe have your cell phone flipped over on the corner of your desk or something and on vibrate, that way the noise isn't too disruptive and the teacher can see you're not just using it for other purposes. Do you have any gay relatives? Yes. Have you ever had to have a pet put down? Sigh, multiple. Have you unfollowed, deleted, or blocked anyone on social media recently? If so, what was the reason? Not recently. How many cups of coffee do you typically drink per day? None. Do you know what your vocal range is? No, but it's not very broad. What’s the biggest financial mistake you’ve ever made? I haven't been in this position before. Have you ever been in a relationship where there was a large difference in maturity levels? No. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed as a guest at someone’s house? I wanna say over a month while we were technically homeless. How bad was your acne when you were a teenager? Oh dear, it was rough. Like there were people who had it worse than me, but ya girl was lookin preeeetty rough lmao.

[selfcareparker]

yesss the letter format 💝💓💘💖💞💕💖💞💓 (lovely anon)

my dearest aria (a hamilton reference lmao),

i’m home alone (bc i wanted the house alone to get my head together after my brothers were mean to me 🙃) and i’m so hype LMAO but i’m watching chloe x halle’s tiny desk concert and honestly just vibing. (this is so random) besides zendaya like they are my badass black women role models. my one accomplishment would be to learn to body roll like them LMAO

oh nevermind i can’t have anything nice, my dad just came home 🙃 WHAT A WAY TO START OFF THIS ASK WTFFF

i’m liking tfatws, the second episode was veryyy intense imo but WANDAVISION IS SO GOOD😭 i knew it was going to be my favorite from the really old trailer but it’s really good and i promise it’s not just sitcoms, girl especially cuz you’ll have all the episodes already out- we were having to wait every week😭 BUT ITS SO GOOD I PROMISE HDJSHDJSH lmao reading this i was like “i- the episodes aren’t an hour long” but i feel that, it’s hard for me to watch tfatws bc they are an hour long and i’m like 😐 but wandavision episodes are less than 30mins bc I KID YOU NOT they have the damn 10 MINUTE CREDITS DHDJSJ no i don’t think we’ve talked about this b4 lol but it all depends on the series for me. i binged love island uk in less than a week bc i was so invested and LITERALLY LOVE IT but uh those episodes are like an hour and a half, but say i was binging tfatws (it’s so hard to type that ohmigosh) i honestly would not be able to do it bc of the intensity (you may be like what intensity but if you’ve seen episode 2 by the time you’re reading this.......... isaiah and the scene afterwards is all i have to say, esp me being black it was so tough :/)

girl you’re fine, as long as you’ve experienced it once hahaha i think the reason why it’s so important to my family (this letter feels so personal and extreme HSJSJA IM SORRY) is bc my grandmother loved it and in my family i guess it’s just important to us lol like my mom and dad love it too and we have the literal VHS tapes LMAO, but it only came up recently cuz my youngest brother was watching lion guard HAHA and he wanted to see the originals :) and fun fact (unless you already know) but there’s a lion king part 2 and 1 1/2 and i have all three ON VHS HAHAHA but i love lion king 1 duh (the og) but part two’s music and love story..... is so good. anyway. 🦁

I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING DURING THE WHOLE MOVIE THEATER ENCOUNTER THING HAHAHA AND WHEN SHE WAS SAYING AWKWARD I WAS LIKE WTF THE NOISE LMAOOOO i don’t think there’s a better way to describe that whole situation than ZKDHDJSHAJAJSHDJSNAHA. yeah. yeaaaa at the cinemas (i like the word cinema more than movies 🥰) here they have chips (fries), some have ice cream, nachos, drinks, hot dogs, the cinema we were at had pretzels and like BURGERS I WAS LIKE HUH OKAY and ya know obviously popcorn but i don’t know why the theaters (or cinemas) here do that, it started a long time ago though like yearsssss

PLEASE i have the longest movie watchlist and uhh haven’t seen any of them JDJSKA (istg i use HSJSSKSH as a period - like . ) i’m still hype for cherry but very hesitant (idk if i can handle it) but i’m thinking about watching it in the next couple of weeks? i know it’ll take me forever bc i’m gonna have to keep pausing and shit but idk. i’ve asked around for very specific trigger warnings and time stamps so i REALLY know what’s coming (even if it spoiled the film a bit for me) but i do really wanna see it (i think? writing this now i’m not so sure lol) so whooooooo really knows lol, but chaos walking YES i was really excited about it :))) and about my friend uhh dude you don’t sound mean at all i was literally thinking the same thing but worse HAAKL idk what she was there for???? she bought my ticket tho so 💁🏾‍♀️ whatever

“SIMS ahh, BUNK BEDS ahh” had me cracking up lmao and you know my sims status JAJAHHAJ but i’m gonna become like you, saving every 5 minutes 😭 but that’s exactly what happened to me, i really didn’t know whether to shut it off or not but after 2 hours i was heartbroken lol i’m literally making a list of things i need to redo that wasn’t saved lmao

CAN I JUST SAY UR A MASTERMIND THOUGH??? UR SIMS GAME SOUNDS SO *chefs kiss* IM CRINE university is PAINFULLY long and LITERALLY I FEEEL THAT like you can’t do anything else without failing, i had my sim go to a party once for like a few hours and i felt so dumb afterwards like urgh he should’ve been studying LMAOO just cracking down on work honestly. UR NEIGHBOR!AU IN THE SIMS PLEASEEE i am very much in love with it, yes. (pouring rain has just suddenly begun where i am rn wow ok) i love that you put them on the same lot, that was really really smart and i love that ur living out your sexuality in the sims😭 i was abt to say “now you can say you’ve got experience bc of the sims” but ANYWAY IGNORE ME fhdhs THE ALIEN BABY DHSJSK i hope it’s not a dealbreaker for enisa. that’d be tragic. IM BACK IN UPPERCASE THO BC YES MAKING OUT IN THE SIMS IS SO HOT TO ME??? I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE STFU OH MY GOSH- all the stuff, whispering sweet nothings, and the making out, and JUST ALL OF IT!!! AM I TOUCH STARVED????? there was this time i made my sim just continue to woohoo bc it was turning me on big time. ANYWAY

half way through that i had to go to my grandmothers house (not the one that likes lion king, but uh hmm idk if you remember but i was talking abt my shit family so yeah that grandmother lol) so now i’m finishing this 🥴 and instead of chloe x halle i’m watching a tom interview lmao & if this takes me longer than 30 minutes.... imma cry

I REALLY WANNA ASK- IS IT BC UR GERMAN LIKE YOU CAN JUST WRITE OUT THAT LONG ASS WORD???? i mean i can’t write out supercalafrag- anyway, but that word is a bit nonsense, UR WORD IS A REAL WORD DUDE HDJSHS i love how ur like “maybe i mixed up these words” YEA OK.

lol i had to google what are waveformers lol (lol makes a comeback) and they look like curlers that you would sleep in (here we would call them curlers or uhm i forgot uhhhhhhh rollers i think) but ur fine when am i ever making sense?? i think the best part about these is the chaos yet we understand what the other means 😌

H20 H20 H20 OH MY GOODNESS SHE BROUGHT UP H20 OK MY LIFE WAS H20🥲 I HAVE THEIR LOCKET NECKLACE AND (short storytime) when i was younger i thought they were american despite their accents (idk i was dumb) but then i figured they weren’t when lewis went to go study in america HAHAH ALSO FAVORITE COUPLE CLEO AND LEWIS UGH WATCH ME REWATCH THE SHOW NOW THANKS (also i hated elizabeth so much) but anyway back on topic, when lewis went to go study in the US i looked up where the show took place and all that good stuff and i found out they were australian HAHAH and that started my obsession with accents LMAO the uk :’)) (i’m proofreading AND AUSTRALIA IS NOT A PART OF THE UK LMAOO IM SOO DHSJSSHS) also it is now one of my many goals (besides the body roll HAHAH) to go to mako island (that’s what it’s called right??)

about music, i googled stormzy and i might listen to a song of his.. LOL I WANNA GIVE IT A TRY IMMA DO IT FOR YOU NFDVSFSG lmaoo the german rapper had me cackling (autocorrect once again being helpful and said raper and i’m like nOO) i mean we all have that one person. can’t lie, won’t lie. my one (IM SORRY BUT AUTOCORRECT HAD “MY ONE TRUE ACCOMPLISHMENT” SITTING AND READY HDJSJA I DONT EVEN TYPE THAT wHAT) person out of my white soft boy with brown hair and brown eyes type would beeeee pete davidson. love me some petey. i was gonna say rex orange county as well lmao but i don’t really loveeee him i’m just in love with his music... and wanna be friends with him..... so 👉🏾👈🏾 (i never do that fdshsh)

oh my goodness, i love tattoos too- GASP what are you thinking of getting 🥺 i want tattoos too but i’m too indecisive to figure out what to have & where. especially in my family... idk they aren’t frowned upon but my mom’s not applauding the thought lol, if i got one it would have to be meaningful but i am absolutely in love with (for example) ariana grande’s finger tattoos !! they’re so cute and simple :’) i don’t even know if i can get tattoos? my skin is... interesting. not in a bad way!! just like.... idk how to explain it??? keyloids run in the family & i got a piercing once and it got infected soo :/ the doctor also confirmed that if i wanted tattoos they couldn’t be in color so LMAO

ONCE AGAIN THIS WHOLE THING FEELS SO TMI DHSHSSJ IM LIKE OHMIGOSH SHUT UP SHE DOESNT CARE JESJSKS

in regards to you not sleeping, i wanted to mention that dumb bird, what was the reason it was up so early aT 4AM???? SIR WHO YOU CALLING TO??? also it’s 11:30pm and idk why i’m tired???

yeah i was never SUPER into justin so i don’t know exactly what albums you’re talking about lol, i do know yummy though.. but everyone did hahaha also i listen to so much pop 🙈 i mean maybe... idk what would count as pop and what wouldn’t. that new person feeling though.. i get that. it’s like who is this new person..? i kinda feel like that with taylor swift (i was never THAT into her either though so it’s like oh wait i didn’t know you from the beginning instead of hello old friend but you’re different lol)

about the concerts, thanks 🥰🥰 that’s so sweet what you did for your mom too, it’s nice seeing them so happy like 🥲 awh AND GLEE IS AND WAS MY LIFE FOR A V V LONG TIME, i’ve been meaning to rewatch it for the longest time lmaooo but i’m just so lazy and it’s such a commitment... i’ll have to get emotionally involved again and idk if i want that rn. but i have a friend on instagram and she runs a glee fan account and it’s such a big part of her life i really don’t think i could ever be THAT obsessed with something. like another one of my friends loves tom holland so much that she changed her mom’s name in her phone to what tom’s mom’s name is in his phone (that was confusing lol) and obviously i’m not judging them AT ALL, it just couldn’t be me lol

CONCERTS LOOK LIKE SO MUCH FUN 😩😩 LIKE THE EXPERIENCE AND THE FEELINGGG URGHSJS i wanna see a few people live like ari and chloe x halle and- hmm.... idk who else FJDSJ rex orange county i guess huh anyway, the experience just sounds so amazing and the atmosphere is just ✨✨✨ yeah

aria do it do it do it do it do it- watch hamilton!! but with subtitles bc you won’t catch half of the things they’re saying without them LMAO (me and my family watched it and they all didn’t like it bc they didn’t know what was happening lol) BUT DONT WATCH IT AT 4AM LMAO ITS LITERALLY 3 HOURS LONG

yes!! superior peter fics 🥺🥺🥺🥺 and it just shows how much of an incredible writer AND PERSON you are through your fics that you can turn a blurb into 2k....... like what.

LMAO the annoying thing, sometimes i feel like i’m bothering people (like right now HAHAH) but i think it’s my antisocial side being like yeaa no one wants to talk to you like you wanna talk to them :’) idk it’s strange!! sometimes i get really ✨insecure✨ and overthink everything LOL like is this too long, im talking too much, i’m swearing too much, oh lord i’m a pain, all that good shit lmao so that’s fun:))

ALSO YOUR BLOG IS SO FUN TO ME HAHAK LIKE ITS JUST YOUR OWN AND I LOVE THAT!!! like you talk about everything and anything on here lol,, and i say that bc what you said lmao how if i was someone else i would want to fuck me so bad😭 i honestly don’t understand how i don’t have people lining up though..... but if no one’s gonna tell you... then you tell yourself, period (and sometimes telling yourself is fucking yourself HSHAJKS OK NEXT)

ohmigosh the realization you had that you graduated last year and are going to uni this year🤧 but the fact that you had a teacher who LEFT THE GROUP CHAT bc she was mad at y’all i- 😭 but yeah about your maths (i always wondered why you guys call it maths and the US calls it math. like i know so many people out of the states, not just in the uk that say maths) teacher- i saw this post that said online school is looking a lot like dora the explorer😭😭 “you have any questions?” 🦗 “okay bye then” lmao and please i love when tests have nothing to do with what you studied like ??? thanks? sometimes i get scared that my teacher will somehow find out that i googled everything? or like my answer is too close to the answer sheet or something. i get sooo nervous lol but i’m already past that point of not being able to do anything myself DHJS i mean i’m still learning like i said!! read the question, read the answer. boom. now i know the answer to the question and i learned!

THANKS 🙈🥰🤧 idk how else to explain my feelings LMAO i feel it’s cool that you find my dance lessons and voice lessons cool so thanks :’)

oh god not headache season 😭😭 allergies are the worst like it’s not even funny. is headache season just when the seasons are changing or is it like... all throughout the summer? cuz i love the summer lmaoo i love the winter too but i just love wearing as little clothes as possible LMAO

GIRL IF THAT BIRD DONT STOP CHIRPING- i am 100% convinced that it is the same bird trying to give you headaches and no sleep and it needs to stfu 😤 and pLEASE ur theme is adorable and pretty and cute but also it just feels like you? idk if i’m explaining this right or if it’s bc i’ve been talking to you for a bit but it’s cute but not innocent in a way that i’m surprised that you write smut and- yeah, that didn’t make sense!! but ur new theme is gonna look pretty too and as long as you like it, it’ll be amazing🥰

yessssss the fact that megan is gonna be ur pfp YES JUST YES

edit: ok i just need to 🥺😭 sometimes u make me wanna cry cuz i feel like you’re just a kind person. i truly mean this, the fact that you celebrate yours & others stretch marks makes me so 🥺🥺🥺 i honestly don’t know anyone who has said they want need more stretch marks and it’s just all very lovely to me :’)) OKAY IMMA STOP BEING SAPPY

#yes my fake tags are back #by popular demand #aka me #and look i have actual tags this time! #i’m seriously craving water ice rn....... huh #but it’s past midnight and i fr fr want a snack #aw man #i wrote that last paragraph while doing my tags yes #and i hope you become responsible for that anon’s orgasm #assuming they had one #and i saw your response to the tom thing and yeaa when they only look like that for something and it’s like aw bae be yourself #i’m gonna shut up now and find a snack but goodnight!! morning?? IDK #IF THESE TAGS END UP AS ACTUAL TAGS I AM SO SORRY HAHAHA #alright proofreading done and i’m gonna go eat cereal

okay i‘m on my way to a driving lesson rn and afterwards i have a zoom uni thing, and then another uni thing lmao. but hopefully i can reply to this in between because i‘ve been dying to talk to you since i got this ask dldjds💘💘💘 (i really like this heart. i had a 💖 phase for a while and now it‘s 💘 (seems like a very romantic heart but.... it is what it is idk dkddj)

^okay that was literally all i wrote before my lesson lmfao. just had the worst driving lesson ever dbdvsnylkxsksj i think i‘ve gotten too used to being good at driving and now i‘ve gotten too cocky with it 🥴 anyway i‘ve had such a stressful day and overall week but tbh i‘m already feeling better bc i can (indirectly) talk to you <333

omg i went to chloe or halle (i don‘t remember who out of the two)‘s instagram the other day and found out that they are not twins alejeleksjsksj but yes oh my god their voices are literally angelic and i can‘t wait to see Halle as Ariel (Arielle??)🥰 and omg it‘s literally 2021 and we‘ve only had......... one(?) black Disney Princess like it‘s about fucking time (I might be forgetting someone, I‘m not too familiar with the new Disney films, but as far as I remember there‘s only Tiana right? (who is literally a frog for 3/4 of the film 😭😭) so yes i‘m here for it too😌😌😌 (obviously she‘s not a cartoon like tiana ekdlek but she‘s a disney princess you know what i mean ddkjdh)

pfkejdj i‘m already overwhelmed with my parents i can‘t imagine having siblings too 😭😭 (sometimes i wish i had siblings but then other times (like after reading what you wrote dksjj) i‘m glad that i‘m an only child lmao like your brothers being mean to you and i remember when you cried and he was just like 👁👄👁 ok. like i’m totally okay being an only child sksjsj———and he doesn‘t listen to music 🤧🤧🤧 (although i guess that‘s good for you because at least he can‘t annoy you by listening to loud music that you hate dmdn)

okay okay i might watch wandavision then??? I‘ll definitely let you know!!! and yes omg i‘m loving tfatws (that really is so fucking hard to type omg) but same i totally get what you mean, i‘m not used to watching action series at all and every episode so far has been like a little movie so i‘m glad that i didn‘t wait until it was all out cause there’s no way i could binge watch that lol) and yes last episode was really intense. i‘m glad that marvel are talking about racism because (from what i‘ve seen) they haven‘t been the best in that department, and i‘m really curious to see what they‘ll do in the next episodes (curious isn‘t the right word but excited isn‘t the right wort either, like i‘m excited but in a neutral way ? i‘ll shut up dslsksj i hate that german has so many words that you cant translate because theres a really good german word that describes how i’m feeling but i cant think of a good translation ugh)

okay i absolutely need to watch lion king (and part 2 and 1/ 1/2 dksksj) AND hamilton, i might even do it soon 👀

BURGERS AT THE CINEMA? EBEEISNDBEKSK i‘ll come to the US just to go and watch a movie lmaooo, i think all the popcorn sizes and drinks are bigger as well, i‘ll come and watch chaos walking with you 😌😌 does next week work?

and yeah i‘ve seen posts with specific time stamps and trigger warning for cherry too so if you haven’t looked on tumblr yet i’ve def seen some! (but ive also seen some on twitter and yeah- i mean idk youve probably looked on tumblr but yeah- then there’s also imdb which doesn’t have time stamps i believe but quite specific warnings, mostly without spoilers!)

Tbh i don‘t think i would have even considered watching cherry if tom wasn‘t in it... (i’m personally fine with most of the triggering topics/things like for some reason i’m just stoic when i’m watching the most tragic films ever dldldldlbut the plot just... idk if it‘s for me you know? just entertainment wise?).... and even with tom in it i‘m unsure skeldls, i‘d totally get if you decide not to watch it but let me know if you do i‘d want to hear your thoughts! <3

SKSLSJJ my sims both finally graduated!! i think i played sometime last week, and i literally got the achievement/notification that i‘d been playing with this household for 24hours.... and that was BEFORE they graduated dldjdldkdksjjs

oh no my tumblr broke and three paragraphs of me talking about sims were deleted 😭😭😭

WAIT NO I TOOK SCREENSHOTSSKSK because i couldn’t press save so i knew they might be gone okay okay okay i‘m a genius

*move out

oh no idk if the quality is too bad to read... idk how good your eyes are dkdkdjjd (also sometimes it will be really bad quality for some but not for others so i hope that the you can see the pics in a normal/good quality)

Okay let me continue

OMG THE ROMANTIC AND SEXUAL STUFF IS THE BEST PART ABOUT THE SIMS DIDLDKJIkdkj i kind of miss how in the sims 3 they would be making out basically lying on top of each other if they were on a bed— but in sims 4 when they‘re sitting next to each other and everything that‘s definitely hot too 😌😭 or with hot tubs dkdkdk how one sim climbs on the other sim‘s lap before they woohoo (i used to make them skinny dip in the hot tub and then make out and woohoo so they’re like naked on top of each other even if you can‘t see anything- en e waysss)

Dkdkdkdj so @ Rindfleischet.. blah bla. so it‘s basically just loads of individual words put together/connected and that‘s a really big part of german. so yesterday i had an online Einführungsveranstaltung for uni (like it was a zoom meeting where they just talked about general stuff about the uni and i was really anxious before, idk why, but it turned out absolutely fine so) and that words consists of the two words Einführung (introduction) and Veranstaltung (event) which are also two individual words but you can make a new word (Einführungsveranstaltung, so in english that‘s basically “introduction event“ lmao) by combining those two words. there are obviously some rules like you can‘t just combine random words in a random order but you can basically make infinite words (technically). for example (i feel like i‘m teaching a class just skip this if you don’t care 🙃🙃🙃djdjdkdlns)

for example i could say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer (which is not underlined with red by tumblr because it is a grammatically correct compound word (i think that‘s what they‘re called?)) which is the words introduction + event + participant, so that word just means “participant of an introductory event“ but instead it‘s one word? i hope that makes sense? dkdkkdksks i mean it makes sense in german but idk if it makes sense to you cause idk if i‘m explaining it very well lmao,

(I just deleted a really really long paragraph that i wrote about gender in the german language and grammar, you‘re welcome slsksksj)

my capacity to think has now been used up for the week 🥴🥴🥴 i absolutely do not blame you if you just skipped over that part or can‘t be bothered to (re)read my awful explanation edkflsksjdjdj (again, i had double the amount of words but i just deleted it dkdkdlslsl but what‘s left lf my german lesson is probably confusing enough already😭i‘m sorry🥴)

so to answer your question LEJDKSKJ: it‘s really common to have long words in german, words that are just word+ word+ word + word made into one long word. obv rindfleischetikettierung..... is a very extreme example and it‘s normally just 2-4 words made into one! So yup i think that comes mostly from german and talking german and growing up here and going to school here and everything dmdfnsksx

i think the best part about these is the chaos yet we understand what the other means 😌— YES. YES. Yes. I love that about us 😌😌🥰🥰/ I love us. Yes.

okay but your friend changing her mom‘s name into tom‘s mum‘s name (was that right? Dkdkdjh)—— so Justin Bieber once posted something where you could see that his Dad‘s number was saved as „Daddy Cakes“ (which, thinking back, sounds very weird ekejjej) and till this day I have my Dad’s contact name as Tata (which is serbian for Dad lmao), “Tata🍰“ in my phone because of it 😭😭😭😭🙃🙃🙃 it‘s not because of justin anymore like i‘ve just gotten used to it by now but at first i did it because of justin lol........ but nowadays i don‘t think i‘m THAT type of fan of anyone- like you know how people have fandom names (Justin‘s fans are the Beliebers, One Direction fans are Directioners (writing that hurt my soul💔💔💔)) and I wouldn‘t consider myself a fan of anyone like that. like even with tom i wouldn‘t call myself........ does tom even have a name for his fans??? Well if he does, I wouldn‘t call myself that. Like i used to be such a hardcore stan for any celebrity that i liked and now it‘s just... okay, i like em. (She says on her blog where she writes fan fiction about Tom Holland — WJDJEJDKELSKSKKSNSNDXB🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃)

Omg rex orange county!!!!!! I don‘t know that many songs like I‘ve only listened to the album pony, but i love it 💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘

thanks again for what you said about my fics/writing I‘m🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Pete Davidson Pete Davidson Pete Davidson I‘m-🥰🥰🥰🥰 and I can‘t explain why. But as blissfulparker said the other day (i don‘t want to tag her and make her read through all of this lolll) “I like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death 😍“ (or something along the lines of that) eskkejs okay pete isn‘t that bad, he looks quite good on some days but other days you‘re like... is this man alive? Like i don‘t want to be mean I love Pete so much The King of Staten Island is literally my favourite film ever (although it‘s not my #1 because of how he looks, but i mean he does look good) VUT ALSO

(Okay i was gonna look for a terrible picture of him but he really doesn‘t look as bad as people say??? like. i think he‘s hot. can‘t necessarily explain why. so that‘s that on that.)

i‘m not going chronologically right now (i just keep scrolling up to your ask and replying to whatever i see first sksksksh) so i might miss a thing or two that you said

Okay Stormzy, you really really don‘t have to dkdkdjd like i think you said you don‘t really listen to rap, and uk rap is a whole nother thing from us rap because of the accent i feel like??? (That sentence did not make sense) BUT if you‘re looking for a few songs that aren‘t like RAP rap, then I‘d recommend One Second (feat HER), Superheroes, Own it (which you might know?), ummm maybe the song Lessons?, he has a ton of Lion King references by the way dkdjdj for example in Rachael‘s Little Brother but that‘s like more RAP again if you know what I mean?😭 and it‘s also like 5 Minutes long and tbh i only started liking that song a year after that album came out lmao but Rachael‘s Little Brother is possibly my fav Stormzy song, then there is Shut Up which you absolutely need to listen to just for fun dldjdjd like it‘s just pure fun and also a little funny lmao, especially if you‘re not British (i imagine so at least) cause he‘s like shuTTTT up idk dldkdjdldkjdhdhfjfbfldlsksksks

Vossi Bop is one of his classics, and then maybeee - ok so there‘s Blinded By Your Grace Pt. 2 lmaoobdjsj it‘s very (Christian/) religious but i like it a lot even though i‘m not really Christian (at least not practicing or anything) so idk about your views on religion but i do like the song a lot just by like the sound lmao

Okay so again you absolutely DO NOT have to listen to any, especially not for me dlskdj but I really do recommend the songs Superheroes, One Second and Rachael‘s Little Brother (and all the other ones i mentioned but if you don‘t listen to a lot of his songs you should at least give these three a try <3333) also let me know some of your songs? 🥺 like i dont care who they‘re by but i‘d love to listen to some that you like and Recommend 🥰🥰🥰

Okay so skdjdjdjddhhddhdhjsk... I used to watch all of my series in German (like H2O) bc obviously they were on german tv so they were german- and i knew that most of these actors i saw on tv were american and i was always SO fascinated that they all learned german for this show??? Like I actually thought they were the people‘s real voices and that these English and American actors were learning german so they could re-record the whole ass show and do everything in german dkdkdldjdjjd... i swear I thought that until I was like 14 omg. And then the first time that I watched H2O in the original version i was sooo confused about their accents because to me all actors who spoke english were American?? I mean MOST of those shows are American so I wasn‘t completely off but yeah i was definitely caught off guard when I heard all of their Australian accents for the first time 💀💀😭😭😭

@ math vs maths, math actually makes more sense in my opinion. like you have the word mathematics, then the abbreviation would obviously be math... why would English people randomly add the s from the end??? Or maybe it makes more sense after all because it‘s like plural??? Now I‘m unsure dkdkdkdj but i do say maths because that‘s how i was taught to say it and i hear the word maths more than math but yeah dldkdjs i think math might even make more sense (okay i just tried saying math and maths is easier to pronounce but again tjat might just be me, oh god i‘ll stop talking about that disgusting thing (mathematics).)

not the crickets and dora LMAOOOSNSNSMDNBS yeah that teacher was... a lot. a lot a lot a lot didjjd but she kinda liked me so she always gave me good grades/marks but the people she didn‘t like..... ooft. OOF.

Fksksjsj idek about headache season like i just know that i get headaches from the sun and i‘m allergic to only one.. type of...pollen??? (I don’t understand the science of that whole pollen thing and idek if it’s called pollen in english i just know sex pollen from fan fics😔)and yeah we have this weird wind that makes a lot of people get headaches yeahd dkdkdj. i loved the i just love wearing as little clothes as possible LMAO lllioool i love that i really do. i always struggle so much in the summer cause i never have anything to wear. i feel like i buy so many new summer clothes every year but when i end up looking for an outfit i don‘t ever find anything 😭 (so i just go naked— lmao jk jk) but i‘m generally not the biggest fan of summer so-

OMG THIS FUCKING BIRD ISTG, okay the first time i heard it i went to sleep at like 5 am, so the next day i was like let me go to bed earlier so the bird doesn‘t keep me up, so i went to bed at 4 am (🥲) and THE BIRD JUST STARTED FUCKING CHIRPING SO LOUDLY, so the next day i went to bed at 3 am AND IT FUCKING STARTED AT 3 AM and it‘s still there 😁 every. night.

and since you said you‘ve gotten used to my theme and everything (idk where this transition came from😭) so tomorrow (2nd april) we have our... wait what‘s an anniversary but for a month.? I think month is like mensus in latin OK NO THATS DEF WRONG DKDKDJ wait

So Tomorrow is our... mensiversary💘💘💘💘💘💘 or at least from the first time you sent an ask. i couldn‘t find it on my tumblr anymore because tumblr is a bit of a bitch but i remember the first thing you ever sent (in an ask) was something lovely about my writing and i always take screenshots of stuff like that, and i found it in my gallery. and i took that screenshot of your ask on the 2nd of march so i‘m assuming that‘s when you sent it 🥰🥰 i feel like i‘ve known you for a week not a month like how is it a month already????? (i mean this in a good way lmao but i really can’t believe that its been a month wtf)

omg no you make me want to cry because i just love you so much 😭😭🥺 but about the stretch mark thing it‘s just.. it‘s not even me trying to empower other women (or anyone else who has stretch marks) to shake off these dumb insecurities that the patriarchy and capitalism have instilled in us— ok no it‘s definitely that too lmao. But i mean I‘ve always loved stretch marks, i‘ve just always loved loved loved them so much so it makes me genuinely sad that people don‘t like them. so yeah. i dont really know how to explain it lol, like i‘m not (only) hoping that people realise that hating your stretch marks is giving the men and the patriarchy what they want per se- (that made no sense) it‘s just because i love stretch marks and think they‘re beautiful and also sexy. idk dldkdjls and omg the fact that you called me kind 🥺🥺🥺 like i don‘t really have a goal in life or anything, but if i had to choose a ‘goal‘ in life it would just be to be kind. (i‘ll end this here otherwise i‘m gonna talk about being kind for 30 more lines—)

And please. Do not ever feel like you‘re annoying me or sending too much. never ever ever. I get so happy when i see that you‘ve sent me an ask. No matter if it‘s a long one like this or just a short one where you‘re saying something about a post that i reblogged or something. I love hearing from/about you and talking to you 💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘

P.S: i‘m so sorry for the tags you‘re about to read they make even less sense than this post, also i reached the tag limit dkdkdj but i said some butterfly tattoos look tacky... and the next thing i said was since we‘re already speaking about Ariana- I DID NOT MEAN THAT SHE WAS TACKY dldkdjsj, i meant since you already mentioned some of her tattoos lmao

[qualidude]

Could you post an excerpt of your writing pretty please?

I’m going to do this under the cut so I’m not just filling up everyone’s dash, but thanks for asking! It’s cool y’all are interested. It took me a while to decide what part would be good to share. I thought about trying to pull an excerpt from each of the three POVs, but I think that would get too long to share in a text post on Tumblr. This is part of the scene where the most characters are present at once. It’s told from Avery’s perspective. She’s basically the dyke of my dreams but also....not. I wrote a little more about her in response to this ask Co-author is @arabdyke​ ! Also, if you’re wondering what the hell I’m talking about, follow the link above!

One thing I will say about this book is that we aren’t going for anything fancy, more going for attachment to the characters and readability (since it’s so fuckin long lol). It all takes place in first perspective, so we are just trying to achieve something that feels natural. Let me know what y’all think!

“I’m gonna go smoke,” I say when there’s finally a lull in the conversation. “I’ll come,” Ian offers, which surprises me. I won’t turn down the company though. Amanda heads off to some other part of the house while all three of us make our way outside. I take a cigarette out, lighting it. I try to exhale away from Ian, but the smoke keeps blowing in his face. “Sorry,” I crack a smile. He just smiles back wearily. “Do you think Everest likes that Amanda girl?” I ask. He sighs and shrugs, looking pathetic about it. “Probably. I don’t know. I mean, it’s fine if he does.” “Is it?” He slumps again. “I mean, yeah, it is.” “Why isn’t it fine?” I ask, ignoring what he just said. Ian looks around hesitantly like he’s making sure we’re far away from all other ears. He seems deeply uncomfortable. I seriously feel bad for this guy. He doesn’t know what I know, but even if I didn’t, I’d never be shitty about it. He probably even knows that, but it might not make it easier.

“It’s just hard to watch Everest date anyone now...after Gwen was so awful.” “Mm,” I muse. “Well, Amanda seems nice.” Rudolf’s staring at Ian intensely like he’s trying to will him into just spitting it out already. “I guess,” Ian agrees slowly. “Nice enough.” Rudolf kind of rolls his eyes, but doesn’t say anything. Ian just crosses his arms, staring off at nothing in particular. “There are other reasons too,” he mumbles, still not making eye contact. “Like...I don’t know. I like him.” Jesus. Finally. “Aw, that’s sweet,” I tease, not wanting to act too shocked or knowing. “You guys have known each other forever. How long have you been into him?” “A long time. Too long, probably. It’s stupid, right?” “It’s not stupid,” Rudolf cuts in before I can come up with a response. “You can’t help the way you feel.” Ian just shrugs. “Rudolf’s right,” I say. “It’s not stupid.” “It’s pretty hard not to feel that way,” Ian chuckles bitterly.

“Trust me, I get it…” I continue. “I was in love with my best friend too once upon a time, but it’s not the end of the world. He could feel the same way even. You have no idea.” “Yeah,” Rudolf adds. “I mean, he did date a guy once, right? You kinda left that part out before, buddy.” “We were kids,” Ian says, getting red. “That barely counts.” “Of course it counts,” Rudolf insists. “Well, he isn’t gay,” Ian says pointedly. “He literally told me he was bi just a few days ago.” Ian gets quiet and seems confused. He looks like he’s trying to figure out how that could be possible. “He told you that?” he asks finally. Rudolf nods. “He never told me that,” Ian states. I can tell he doesn’t know what to make of this new information. Is it a good thing? Mostly he just looks dazed. “He thought you knew,” Rudolf says. “He said he thought it wasn’t a big deal.” Ian takes a deep breath. “Well, I don’t think that changes anything.”

“Dude, yeah, it does,” Rudolf keeps at it. “You have a chance. That’s something, right?” Ian doesn’t seem convinced. He just looks uncomfortable, like he doesn’t want to talk about this anymore. “Maybe,” he says simply. There’s a sense of finality in his tone like he’s putting an end to the conversation. He looks off into space again after that. I chain smoke a few cigarettes, mostly because I don’t know what else to say or do. When I’m about to reach for another, Rudolf takes it out of my hand. “We can go back inside,” he says, handing the cigarette back to me. He looks kind of shocked by what he just did like he acted without thinking. Ian sees the expression on Rudolf’s face and chuckles. “Yeah, alright, we can go back in.”I smile at Rudolf to try to ease the tension. Then I follow them inside, stashing the cigarette back in my pack. By now, it’s louder and a lot more crowded. I don’t recognize anyone, but that’s alright. Maybe it will be better if we don’t see anyone we know tonight. Ian’s surveying the room, probably looking for Everest. He gives up quickly, though. “I might go check things out in the kitchen,” I say. “Wanna tag along?” “Sure,” Rudolf nods, letting me lead the way. Ian doesn’t say anything but follows after us regardless. There are a few people hanging around the table and like Amanda mentioned, one of them’s doing trash rat tats. I greet them with a nod and then pick up some flash sheets sitting on the table, looking them over. Some of them are pretty basic, but some are cool. There’s one of a gory eyeball and another of a fat pigeon that I somehow love as much as I hate.

“Are you getting one?” Rudolf asks, glancing over the designs in my hands. “Yeah, I think so.” Ian looks along with us, but I know this really isn’t his scene. “Which one do you think you’ll get?” he asks. “Hmm, probably this one,” I say, pointing to the eyeball. “It’s so gross,” he cringes. “Yeah, I like gross shit.” “You should see her art,” Rudolf says fondly. I smile at him. “Think this suits me?” “Yeah, it’ll look good.” When the current crowd clears, the person holding the tattoo gun looks at us and asks if there’s anything sparking our interest.“This one’s pretty cool,” I say, handing them the sheet. “Sweet,” they say. “Take a seat.” So, I do. The tattooer isn’t super chatty, but that’s fine. I kind of prefer it. I decide to get the work on my arm in the small space I have left between two stick-n-pokes I got a few years back. Ian and Rudolf sit with me, but Ian just looks queasy. “You don’t have to stick around,” I assure him, but he forces a smile and asks me if it hurts. “Not really,” I say, hoping that’ll help somehow. That’s the truth. It doesn’t really hurt. You get used to it. A few minutes in, a new group of people pile into the kitchen. Amongst them, of all fucking people, is Cameron. Fucking fantastic. 

Rudolf doesn’t notice right away. He’s busy staring at my arm, but after a minute, he looks up at me. I must seem uncomfortable because he raises an eyebrow and then turns around. His expression immediately slips as he makes eye contact with Cameron. Then he turns back to me, looking dead-eyed. When Cameron spots us, he wastes no time heading over. Rudolf wastes no time leaving. I wish I could follow him, but I literally can’t. “Hah, of course you’d be into this lame shit,” he says to me, ignoring Rudolf’s disappearing act. The tattooer scoffs under their breath. “Cameron, fuck off,” I say limply. “I’m not in the mood.” “Ow,” he feigns hurt. “Watch it, Avery.”

Cameron takes the seat that Rudolf was previously occupying. “Hey,” he says to Ian. “Hey,” Ian responds, looking unsure of the whole situation. “Who are you?” “Cameron Fant,” he says, holding his hand out. “You?” Ian accepts his hand slowly, giving it a firm shake. “Ian.” God. Who introduces themselves like that? Was Cameron always this annoying, or did I just not see it? “Are you one of Avery’s friends?” Cameron asks, probably prepared to make himself look perfect in the eyes of a new, handsome stranger. Ian nods, and Cameron asks where we met.

“Weight class.” “Why haven’t I seen you around before?” “This isn’t really my thing.” Cameron laughs and then touches Ian’s shoulder. “Well, yeah, this is awful,” he says. “I’ll show you something better.” Ian’s face is red again. Cameron probably loves that. He’s oozing confidence and it fucking sucks. I wish I could tell Ian right now just how awful and disgusting Cameron is, but I can't. Not without betraying Rudolf's trust. Instead, I zone out and stare down at my arm, trying not to listen. Cameron keeps flirting with Ian and it’s honestly the vilest thing I’ve ever heard. I’ve seen these moves a million times before, but now, with everything coming into the light, I can barely keep it together.“Cam, screw off, you’re not even his type,” I say before I can help myself. Cameron’s eyes snap to me and he looks pissed. Ian looks uncomfortable too, but screw them both! It’s literally just the truth. Besides, this isn’t something Ian wants to get mixed up in even for one second. He knows Cameron’s an ass, but he’s also charming as hell. I don’t want to risk Ian falling for the facade. “Oh you know fuck-all,” Cameron spits at me before turning back to Ian like I never said anything at all. Ian looks so fucking distressed and I feel bad because I know he doesn’t know how to make this stop. “So, what do you do?” Cameron asks, crossing his arms in a way that I think is supposed to make him seem laid back. “Uh, I just graduated,” Ian mumbles.“Wow, me too,” he says and he just sounds so damn sure of himself. “From where?” “U of M.” “Huh,” Cameron smiles condescendingly. “I went to the Academy of Art with Avery and Rudolf before his lame ass dropped out. I’m a sculptor.” “I heard…” Ian says, wide-eyed. “That’s...cool?” Ugh. Don’t encourage him! “It is pretty cool. Probably the best job in the world. I get to do whatever I want and make all my own hours.” Jesus Christ, he sounds so full of himself. I swear to God he’s a complete and utter fucking narcissist.

Cameron keeps talking about himself and I can’t help but notice that he sounds a little more invested than normal. I keep staring at them, trying to figure it out. Ian certainly is Cameron’s type, even if the reverse isn't true. I guess Ian looks a bit like Jackson, which is funny because Jackson looks a bit like Cameron. All these fucking white boys, man. That might be what’s keeping Cameron’s interest. He’s shallow, after all.

Just as Ian looks like he’s about to absolutely lose it, Cameron gets a text. He pulls out his phone and smirks to himself. “I’ve got something I need to take care of,” he says to Ian. “But I’ll see you around.” “Sure,” Ian responds. “Later, Avery,” Cameron says to me before leaving the kitchen.

Once he’s gone, Ian leans into me and urgently whispers, “Was he hitting on me!?”

Ugh. “Yeah,” I say with distaste. “That’s the guy Rudolf slept with, huh?” “Yep...” I say again, getting knots in my stomach. “He’s pretty crappy.” Ian gives a long nod, sitting back in his seat. “That’s what Rudolf and Everest both said.” Hopefully, that’s enough for Ian to put the idea to rest. If he rejected Rudolf’s advances before, then he’s probably not about to fall into Cameron’s trap. He’s just too nice to tell Cameron to fuck off. When my tattoo is done, the artist wraps it for me and I pull my wallet out, handing them a few bills.

“Thanks,” I say, “This is great.” That felt like forever. Usually, I enjoy the entire process, but Cameron ruined it. Now I just want to find Rudolf. I wander through the house, shoving everyone who bumps into me. I am not in the fucking mood. “Let me know if you see Rudolf,” I say to Ian. He nods, glancing around with me for a few minutes until we find Rudolf sitting on a sofa. There are a bunch of other people sitting around him, but I can tell he probably hasn’t been talking to any of them. There’s a drink in his hand and I can’t help but wonder if it’s his first or his fifth. “Hey, man,” I say. He nods, but with the way his head bobs I can tell he’s pretty fucked up. Man, this sucks. I never expected to see Cameron here. “Are you okay?” I ask.

“Fine,” he insists but his voice is high and slurry. I offer him a hand, pulling him up from the sofa and away from the crowd of folks hovering in the living room. “Cameron’s pretty full of himself, huh?” Ian says. 

I think he’s trying to make Rudolf feel better, but it doesn’t work. Rudolf just scowls. 

“What was he doin’? Talkin’ about how talented and popular and amazing he is?” “Pretty much,” Ian says. “Typical. Was he flirting?” Rudolf keeps wobbling against me, but at least he’s coherent. “Um...I don’t know. Maybe a bit?” Everest reappears finally, clapping a hand on Ian’s shoulder. “Hey! Sorry I got swept off! How’s it going?”

“I got a tattoo,” I say, lifting my arm. “Woah, sweet!” he exclaims. “You’ll have to show me later.” “Cameron decided to show up,” Rudolf adds, sharing a look of disdain with Everest. “Oh… ew,” Everest says slowly. “Man, that guy is so lame.” “He hung around, so I left,” Rudolf shares. “God, yeah I would’ve, too…I would’ve peaced right the fuck out.” “Yeah, plus watching him flirt with Ian would’ve made me want to puke. Glad I missed that.” Everest’s jaw slacks. He looks at Ian and then back at Rudolf. 

“Are you kidding? That guy really has no shame.” Ian laughs awkwardly. “Yeah, I didn’t really know how to react…”

The tension doesn’t go away. It just keeps building. Ian and Everest don’t know how truly foul Cameron is. They think Rudolf is upset because he slept with Cameron and things went south, but that’s not even close. We stand around for a minute and Rudolf keeps drinking. Hell, we all keep drinking, except Ian who looks like he just wants to go home. “What did Cameron even say to you?” Everest mumbles, pushing a topic I really wish he’d just drop. “Mm…” Ian twists his face like he’s trying to remember. “He mostly just talked about how he’s an artist. He told me I’d like the party scene if I went places with him.” “Gross,” Everest scoffs. “That’s never happened to me before,” Ian confesses. “A guy’s never hit on me like that before.”

He seems put off, but still somehow excited. I wish he wasn’t, but I’m trying to understand. Sometimes it just feels nice to have someone acknowledge you, especially when you’ve been in the closet so long. It makes you feel less alone, even if that person is a total scumbag. “Yeah, well Cameron’s a douche,” Everest snaps. “Oh, yeah, I mean, I know that,” Ian looks taken aback. “I’m not going to keep talking to him or anything.” Yikes. I wonder what has Everest so riled up over this. Did Rudolf tell him what happened? Everyone seems uncomfortable and I’m starting to think that we should just get the hell out of here. It’s such a fucking drag that Cameron sucked the life out of our whole night like this. Too bad my best friend turned out to be an absolute nightmare of a person. 

Too bad my ex-girlfriend hates me now because she can’t see how shitty he is. 

Too bad I clearly have the world’s worst taste in people.

“Do you guys want to head home?” I decide to ask, hoping someone will take the bait.

“Not yet,” Everest says, his arms crossed. I look to Rudolf and he just frowns. Ugh. Jesus Christ. This is why I hate going out! This is why I hate parties. I literally never have a good time. Why do I even try anymore? I hate having to manage everyone’s feelings! “Okay,” I scuff the sole of my shoe against the floor. If I can’t get these guys to leave, maybe I can make Cameron want to. Then I could enjoy myself again.

[lotusss-flowerbomb]

But I Hate You

PART 1

Florian Munteanu x reader

Warnings: None for this chapter.

A/N: Few things, yes I used the Mike Jones phone number and yes, I’m still laughing about it. Also, rather than completely butchering the Romanian language, I opted to use bold and italics for the dialog, so use your imagination. Lol the texts are also bold italics, but they are in English.

Word Count: 3,706

********

You were sitting in your desk chair spinning in circles and bored out of your mind when your phone vibrated.

"Oh, thank God," you snatched it up hoping that it was one of your friends asking you to come out and do something; anything, but sit in this apartment.

Your excitement was quickly replaced by confusion. You looked at the message, but didn't recognize the number, so you sat the phone down and decided to ignore it. Whoever it was could figure it out on their own. After a few minutes it vibrated again, same number.

(555) 330-8004: Hi, please answer. I really need your help.

You stared at the message and figured you could at least tell them they had the wrong number since it seemed like an emergency.

You: Hey, I'm sorry, but I think you have the wrong number.

(555) 330-8004: Is this Y/N?

You: Yes, who is this?

(555) 330-8004: Florian...

You rolled your eyes. What the hell did he want?

You: Go away, muscles. How did you even get my number?

(555) 330-8004: I have my ways.

You: Oh please, I know it was Mike. Tell me what you want before I block you.

You and Florian absolutely did not get along. Ever since he'd moved there he had a new bimbo on his lap every night. You especially couldn't stand how arrogant he constantly acted. He knew he was attractive and was not afraid to flaunt it.

He definitely didn't hide that he didn't care for you either and the only reason the two of you had to ever be around each other was because your best friend was dating his best friend.

Florian: I need a favor. Can I come talk to you?

You: Lol is this some sort of joke?

Florian: No joke. No games. I just really need to talk to you... It's about Mike and Kay.

You: Okay.

You texted him your address. You weren't exactly sure what was going on, but if it concerned your best friend Kay, then you wanted to know about it. You debated whether or not if you should call her to make sure everything was okay, but you also knew her and Mike's anniversary was coming up and maybe Florian wanted to plan something for them.

An hour later, you were buzzing him in. You held the door open and waited for him to reach your unit.

"Hey," he greeted.

"Hey," you said back. He didn't say anything else, just stood there looking around. "So, um, is everything okay with Kay and Mike?"

"Hmm? Oh yeah," he said coming out of his trance.

"Okay, well, would you like to tell me what this is about then?"

"It's not about them. I lied, I needed to talk to you."

"Florian, why are you here?" You crossed your arms over your chest.

"Because I really need a favor from you." He actually looked nervous. You could see his cheeks turning red and he hadn't even said anything yet.

"Mmm hmm, I'm willing to listen, but I'm sure I'll say no."

"I need you to pretend to be my girlfriend," he blurted out.

You stared at him silently and then you doubled over in laughter.

"You can't be serious right now, gym junkie," you wiped the tear from your eye. When you looked back up at him, his expression had not changed and he was certainly not laughing. Your demeanor switched to serious. "Dude, you cannot be for real."

"Please? My parents are coming and they think I'm in a steady relationship and you're the only person I know who has nothing else to do."

"Don't be a shit head," you slapped his arm. "And I'm not lying to your parents for you."

"Do I need to beg?" He got down on his knees in front of you and hugged your waist. "Can you please do this one favor for me, I will be forever grateful."

He looked up at you with those big hazel green eyes and poked out his bottom lip.

"But, I hate you," you whined.

Now he's added a smile. You might as well have softy tattooed across your forehead. Kay always told you that you were too nice for your own good.

"And what exactly do I get out of this?" You questioned.

"Me," he scoffed.

"Hard pass!" You tried to move his arms, but he tightened his grip.

"No, I'll give you whatever you want," he buried his face in your stomach.

"I would like a very nice trip to the Bahamas—."

"Done!" He said without hesitation.

"And 1,000 bucks, right now." You finished. He looked at you like you were crazy and you held your hand out. You wiggled your fingers.

He sighed and reached into his pocket for his wallet. "I get a kiss for $1,000." He said handing you the bills.

"Cheek only. Lips will cost you $500 more."

"This is robbery," he huffed.

"Mmm hmm," you snatched the money from him. "When are they coming?"

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?! That gives me no time to mentally prepare for fake liking you."

"Too bad. You've been paid. I'll give you the cliff notes tomorrow." He leaned in like he was going to kiss you. You put your palm flat on his face and mushed him away.

"Save it for tomorrow, meat head."

"You having to be nice to me is going to be so worth the money." He smiled.

"Yeah, get out." You shooed him out of the door.

After you shut the door behind him you leaned up against it. This was not going to be easy and you should've just simply told him no. You'd have to have a talk with Mike about giving him your phone number in the first place.

********

"You what?!" Your best friend cackled on the other end of the phone as you told her about your agreement with Florian. "Why would you do that?"

"Because he gave me the puppy dog eyes. What was I supposed to do?"

"Look away, maybe?" She continued to laugh.

"Kay, you aren't helping. Maybe you should tell your boyfriend not to give my phone number to people I don't like!" You huffed.

"Oh please, don't blame my beautiful man. You're the one who let him come over."

"Because he straight up lied and said he needed to talk to me about you guys."

"Relax. He's an attractive guy and it's only a week. Can't be that bad." She said.

"A week?!" You screeched. "I thought it was just one night."

She started laughing again, "This is going to be hilarious. You'd better finish getting ready. Dinner will be soon."

"Ugh!" You hit the end call button. You couldn't take anymore of her teasing and when Florian showed up to get you, he was going to get an ear full for not telling you how long his parents would be in town.

Your door buzzed just as you were trying to decide which shoes to wear. You ran over to let him in and cracked the door open. When he reached your apartment he still knocked before entering. You came walking out of the bedroom with two shoes.

"Which one?" You held them up to him.

"Uh..." he looked you up and down. You had on a form fitting skirt that flared at the bottom and an off the shoulder top. Your hair was pinned to one side and your makeup was flawless. He couldn't help but admire how beautiful you looked.

"Florian, come on, which one?" You dangled the shoes in his face.

"Oh, um, that one," he pointed.

You nodded and ran back to the room to put your shoes on. When you came back out you were wearing the one he didn't choose. You grabbed your clutch and held the door open for him.

"Why'd you have me pick if you were just going to choose the opposite?"

"Because I knew it would irritate you and I wanted to start the night off right." You smiled.

He just shook his head and walked past you. Damn, he smelled good.

********

When he pulled up to the restaurant, you checked yourself one final time. On the way over, he told you some things about himself. Some of them you already knew, most of them you didn't.

"Remember not to use my full name. Call me Flo, everyone close to me does."

You nodded in confirmation and exhaled heavy. "Not gonna lie, I'm nervous." You rubbed your hands on your skirt.

"Why?"

"What if they don't like me?" You questioned.

"You aren't my real girlfriend," he shrugged.

"Yeah, but I still want them to like me." You rolled your eyes.

"It seems like I'm the only person who can't stand you, so you'll be great." He got out of the car and came around to your side and opened the door.

"Do I look okay?" You asked as you got closer to the door.

"You look beautiful," he replied and kissed your forehead. Before you could respond he was leading you inside to the table.

He was excited to see his parents he grabbed his father into a big bear hug and they exchanged kisses on the cheek. Then he grabbed his mother and did the same. You stood by and took it all in. It was strange to see him be baby boy since you were so used to seeing him being a play boy.

"Mama, Tata, this is Y/N," he pulled you forward.

"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Munteanu," you waved shyly.

His mother reached out to hug you and so did his father. It surprised you. It was as if they already knew you. You all sat down and he couldn't wipe the smile from his face. You on the other hand started biting the inside of your cheek out of nervousness.

He put his hand on top of yours for comfort. You looked up him and smiled. Who the hell was this person?

"It's so nice to finally meet you, we've heard so much about you."  His mother smiled at you speaking in Romanian. He'd told you on the way over that they were most comfortable speaking in their native tongue when the three of them were together and you assured him that it was okay.

"She said —"

"Well, I hope they were all good things," you replied back perfectly. The look on his face was of total shock. He had no idea you knew how to speak Romanian. And flawlessly at that.

"Oh, you speak Romanian? He didn't tell us. I like you already."  His father chimed in.

"I was keeping it a surprise?"  His statement was definitely more of a question geared towards you. You just winked at him and continued talking to his parents.

For the rest of the night, you all talked and laughed. Florian kept stealing little kisses from you throughout the entire time, until you pinched his thigh really hard under the table.

All the awkwardness of the entire situation forgotten until his mother brought up seeing you again for a girl's day before they headed back home. You smiled and agreed. The guilty feeling settled in as you said goodnight and settled into the car. They were headed back to his place and decided to take an Uber.

He got into the car and just looked at you.

"What?" You scrunched up your face.

"Since when do you speak Romanian?"

"Since this morning when I bought Rosetta Stone," you shrugged.

"Really?!"

"No, goofball, I learned when I was younger. The lady who watched me after school was from Romania and she taught me."

"You never told me that," he said.

"You and I don't exactly talk much outside of insulting each other."

The silence settled around you the rest of the way back to your apartment. He walked you up to your apartment like the perfect gentleman.

"You know you don't have to hang out with my mom. I'll tell her you have some work thing that you can't get out of."

"Absolutely not, I already feel bad about lying to them, I can't ditch her. Besides, she's nice and maybe she can teach me a thing or two about catching a real man." You stuck your tongue out at him playfully.

"Ouch!" He winced as he laughed.

He followed you inside claiming to be thirsty. You told him to help himself as you sat down on the couch. He came out of the kitchen with two bottles of water and sat next to you handing you one. He sat his bottle down, grabbed your feet and removed your shoes. You wiggled your toes as they were freed.

"Thank you," you said softly.

"You're welcome," he pushed them off of his lap and jumped up laughing.

"See, this is why I don't like you. You play too much," you said as you stood to follow him to the door.

"Thank you," he sobered for a moment to say. He lifted your chin towards him and softly pressed his lips to yours. Your breath caught in your throat and before you could stop them your eyes closed.

They fluttered open when he pulled back a little.

Florian tried his best to keep it subtle and not push it, but the look in your eyes spurred him forward. He kissed you again and this time you wrapped your arms around his neck and invited his tongue inside. He dropped the bottle on the floor and picked you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist as he pressed your back into the door.

You moaned into his mouth as his hands kneaded your ass. Then your phone started vibrating inside your purse snapping you from your trance. You stopped kissing him.

"Oh my God," you pushed back and unwrapped your legs. He reluctantly let you down with a disappointed groan. "We can't."

"Why not?" He bent down to kiss your neck.

"Because we both know that we shouldn't."

He stopped and rolled his eyes. "You should loosen up a little."

"Yeah, whatever, I'm sure you've got something loose you can call to satisfy your craving." You opened the door.

"My craving is never satisfied. They don't call me Big Nasty for nothing."

"Ugh!" You pushed him out into the hall and slammed the door.

"I'll call you later!" He yelled.

********

The next day at work you dragged your feet. You couldn't sleep at all due to thinking about that stupid kiss. You struggled to get yourself together. You had back to back showings and needed to be on your A-game to close these deals. On your way to the first meeting, Florian's phone number flashed across the screen interrupting the song you'd been listening to. You debated with yourself before answering and decided to do so.

"What can I do for you, sir?"

"You can start off by letting me finish what we started last night," he quipped.

"Yeah, that's never gonna happen, Munteanu. What do you want?"

"Just seeing what you were up to," he replied.

Your heart fluttered in your chest. He wanted to just call and check up on you? This new side of Florian was seriously messing with your brain.

"I'm on my way to a meeting. I need to close the deal on this house today."

"Where is it??"

"Why? You gonna show up and pretend to be interested?" You laughed.

"Maybe," you could hear the smile on his face.

You gave him the address and told him to show up in a suit and look serious. "I'm here, I have to go. Wish me luck."

"Good luck," he said just before you hung up and rushed inside.

You weren't late, but the clients were early and already waiting for you, so basically you were late.

"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Rodrigo, nice to see you both again." You shook their hands and led them inside. The couple was really undecided on the house and this was the third time they've come to see it. You knew they wanted you to come down on the price, but you just weren't willing to do it. You staged it differently this time around, so they could see the endless decorating possibilities.

You'd been talking to the Rodrigos for half an hour when you heard other voices. The three of you went to see who had entered the home. When you rounded the corner, you stopped in your tracks at the sight of Florian and his parents.

"Hello," he said with the biggest smile on his face. His mom and dad pretended to busy themselves with something else.

"Uh, hi-hello," you stuttered.

"I saw the sign out front while we were riding by. Is this an open house?"

"Oh, no, I'm sorry, this is a private showing we—"

"Hello! My name is Florica and this is my husband Dorin," his mom walked over enthusiastically and extended her hand. You looked at her confused as well as the Rodrigos.

"I apologize, but we do not speak the language," Mr. Rodrigo said.

"No, worries, she's just introducing herself. Florica and Dorin." Florian jumped in.

"So now you will continue to pretend that you have no clue what I'm saying and I'll squeal like a school girl about everything."  She grabbed Dorin's hand and walked off.

You looked to Florian again.

"She's going to drag him around to look at the house."

"But I've told you, this is a private showing." You tried to sound stern.

"Have you closed yet?" He asked.

"Well, no, but —"

"So, it's still available?"

"Technically —"

You heard an excited scream from the other room. The Rodrigos eyed each other and then you. Florian walked away in the direction of his parents.

"You're not going to let them buy this place are you?" Mrs. Rodrigo asked.

"Well, if they make an offer, I don't have much choice. I'd think you didn't want it if you don't decide today." You said.

She looked to her husband. "You need to stop being cheap. I want this house."

"Sweetheart, they are not going to make an offer today. Nobody makes an offer on the first house that they see."

The couple continued to go back and forth until the other family reentered the room.

"If they have yet to make a decision, tap your foot twice and we'll lay it on thick." Dorin said looking at his son as if he wasn't speaking to you.

You tapped your foot and Florica started speaking. She was very excited and very animated. You were trying your best to keep your laughter in and Florian was trying his best to fake translate.

"She said, she likes this house and she wants it."

"Uh, I," you looked to the other couple and gave them an apologetic smile.

"No, no, we were here first and we'll take it." Mrs. Rodrigo spoke up.

"Are you sure you don't want to discuss it first?" You asked.

"Absolutely not, I want this house and we will sign all papers right this second if need be."

You looked to her husband and he sighed in defeat. You apologized to Florian and his family and bid them a farewell. You gave them a card and told them to call you and you'd set up some showings for them.

********

After work, you stopped by Kay's house to tell her about the day. She just listened to you go on and on about how great Florian and his parents were earlier today.

"What?" You stopped mid sentence once you noticed how she was looking at you.

"Nothing, you just haven't stopped smiling since you said his name." She smirked at you.

"Kayla Rose, please don't. I still can't stand him, but he did come through for me today. And I really do like his parents... I wonder if it's too late to be adopted?" You laughed.

"So you got along with mama and tata last night? Cute."

"Will you stop it," you rolled your eyes.

"And Flo? How'd you get along with him?" She quizzed.

"It was cool. I mean, he's a completely different person around his parents. All that bravado and playboy attitude was shed like a second skin."

"Mmm hmm and then what?"

"That's it," you shrugged.

"Sis, I know you better than you know yourself. You're hiding something and I want to know what it is." You chewed the inside of jaw. Your telltale sign of nervousness. "Did you fuck him?!" She yelled.

"Shhh!! Do you want your blabber mouth boyfriend to hear you?" You covered her mouth, "no, I did not have sex with him. But we did kinda almost have sex."

"Tell me everything," she scooted closer.

"There's nothing to tell, we kissed and then we stopped before it went any further."

"You know he likes you. He just pretends to hate you, because he knows you can't stand him."

"Girl, hush." You waved her off.

"I'm serious. He has a crush on you which is probably why he asked you to do this in the first place. He could've asked anyone."

"Mmm hmm," you rolled your eyes.

"I'm telling you the truth. And he's actually a really sweet guy, ya know? He's just very guarded." She touched your arm.

"Are you... Are you seriously rallying for him and I? Kay, it's never going to happen." You stood.

"Okay, I'm just saying —"

"Ah, ah, ah, ch, ch!" You shushed her, "please say no more. I gotta go."

The two of you said your goodbyes and you headed home. There is absolutely no way you'd ever consider Florian. Did he help you out today? Absolutely and you'd find a way to repay him, but to think that you could be anything more than just friends was asinine. The two of you simply just did not mesh.

Although, that kiss the other night was incredible and you hadn't felt a fire like that in a while.

"No, no, no," you shook your head to clear your thoughts. Just a few more days and you could be rid of him and on your way to the Bahamas.

[tanzaniiite]

the one that got away // kaminari x reader

requests: OPEN

warnings: nsfw-ish. oh no! i spilled all the angst! oh, cursing.

word count: 1,890

song inspo: “The One That Got Away” by Katy Perry, yup it’s a song fic

a/n: fun fact; i use to hate song fics, now i love them lol. also (F/L/N) = first letter of name

summer after high school, when we first met

Kaminari stared at you in awe as you expertly balanced several plates on both arms. “Careful Denki, you might slobber all over the menu" Sero joked, as he watched his friend drool over the new waitress. The blonde snapped out of his daze and glared slightly at the goofball in front of him. “Shut up dude. Look at her, she’s gorgeous!” He exclaimed, turning around to find you again. Sero rolled his eyes, “Bro, you say that about every girl. Plus you’re a hero now, you have a reputation to keep up” He lightly scolded, shaking his head. Kaminari groaned, “Ugh, you sound like Aizawa” He stated, still watching you take other people’s orders. The raven-haired man laughed, “I can see the tabloids now: New hero.. horny as fuck!” He joked. Kaminari turned back to his best friend, “Shut. Up.” He seethed, full-on glaring now. Sero blinked before laughing loudly, “Was I suppose to take that baby glare seriously?!” He asked rhetorically, his laughter now roaring throughout the diner. You turned to see where all the commotion was coming from and smiled slightly, ‘They seem interesting’ You thought, making your way to their table.

“Hello I’m Y/n, I’ll be serving you today. Can I start you boys off with some drinks?”

we make-out in your mustang to Radiohead

You straddle Kaminari and grind against him slightly as you kiss his neck and leave serval marks for the world to see. The blonde underneath you groans in pleasure as his hands go under your shirt and squeeze your chest. You let out a breathy laugh, “You’re such a pervert” You joke, pulling away to look at your boyfriend. Kaminari grinned at you, “But I’m your pervert- wait no. I’m not a pervert” He stated, trying to fix his mistake. You laughed loudly, leaning your weight onto him in the process, “I’m joking babe!” You said, still laughing and he started laughing with you. You guys were still in the early stages of your relationship, so you were both feeling your way around. Your laughter slowed into giggles as you pushed his bangs out of his face and cupped his cheeks. “God you’re so cute,” You said, squishing his cheeks together and pecking his lips. “What? Don’t you find me sexy? Irresistible?” He asked, pouting slightly. You giggled some more, “Of course I do. I just.. I don’t know how I got so lucky” You sighed, smiling slightly. Kaminari shook his head, “No, I’m the lucky one. I basically won the lotto” He stated.

and on my eighteenth birthday, we got matching tattoos

“Oh my god Denki, you’re such a baby. They didn’t even start yet” You teased, looking at your boyfriend, who was already bawling his eyes out. Kaminari whipped his head to look at you, “I’m afraid of needles! You know this!” He cried, tensing as the tattoo artist approached him. “Babe, you’re only getting an (F/L/N). See I already got my K” You explained, holding up your wrist. “I’m sorry, I can’t. I feel like I’m gonna pass out” He stated, pushing his hair back. You roll your eyes playfully, “Okay okay my big baby, a permeant marker will have to do” You said, getting up from the chair and kissing his forehead gingerly. “Please never take me to a place with needles ever again” The blonde begged, holding your hand and kissing it repeatedly. You chuckled and caressed his cheek, “Oh baby.. you have a doctor’s appointment next week” You said, breaking the news as lightly as possible. You felt bad for laughing as Kaminari’s face turned into a horrified expression.

used to steal your parent’s liquor and climb on the roof, talk about the future like we had a clue

“So, do you think you’ll make it to the top ten Pro-Hero list?” You asked, your head on Kaminari’s shoulder as you both watched the sunset slowly. The blonde shrugged, “Once upon a time, I thought I would but.. I’m not as good as Deku, Shoto, Ground-Zero, etc. I’m just happy to be a Pro-Hero y’know?” He stated, looking at the neighborhood kids playing tag. You nodded slightly, “Well if it matters, you’ll always be my number one hero,” You said, grazing your thumb over his knuckles. Kaminari paused and looked at you, “Really?” He whispered. Your face immediately heated up, “Oh my god, that was so cheesy. I’m sorry” You apologized, as you took a huge swig of beer. Your boyfriend laughed slightly, “No no, it’s cheesy don’t get me wrong. But I like cheesy” He said, kissing your nose, laughing again when your face scrunched up. You blushed more, staring intently at the roof tiles of your house, “Whatever man” You mumbled. Kaminari kissed your cheek and whispered in your ear, “If I had to be anyone’s hero, I’m glad I’m yours”.

never planned that one day i’d be losing you

Distance. That’s what was growing between you and your goofball of a boyfriend. The honeymoon stage was officially over, you thought it would never end given that you guys have been together for a solid year and a half. But the crime rate was increasing and with that so was Kaminari’s workload. You understood that a hero’s work never really stopped but he has vacation days, why wouldn’t he use them? You knew he just wanted to help, to feel useful but you felt useless. You felt like you were just an object in his life, he comes home to your shared apartment so late, every day. And every day you wait for him, worried sick that a villain might do more than just rough him up. And what do you get in return? A simple “Hey babe” or a light peck to the cheek.

You don’t mean to be ungrateful but would it kill him to take a day or two off. One day to rest and the other day to spend time with you. It didn’t feel like you were living with him, you practically lived by yourself. He came home late in the night just to leave again in the wee hours of the morning. And this is frustrating, you were frustrated. This leads to fights that never seemed to end. You tried explaining to him how you felt and how he shouldn’t work himself to the brink of exhaustion. Does he listen? No. Instead, he brushes you off, calls you clingy and needy. Ha! As if he wasn’t the one begging you for a quickie in the morning right before he left for the whole day.

To put it simply; you just couldn’t take it anymore.

“Y/n… what are you doing?” Kaminari asked as he walked into your guy’s bedroom. “Packing.” You answered sharply, shoving a bunch of clothes into a small suitcase. “Why? Did you plan a trip? I can’t go, you know my workload-“ He started. “Is heavy. I know” You replied, curling your fists ever so slightly. “And this is not a trip, I’m going to stay with a friend for a while,” You said, zipping the suitcase and taking it off the bed. “What for?” The blonde asked. You grit your teeth, could he be any more of an idiot? But god, did you love this idiot. “I don’t know Kaminari, you tell me,” You said, finally facing him and crossing your arms. He flinched slightly at the use of his last name, “Um, I don’t know babe” He said, turning around to take off his hero costume.

You bit your tongue, to stop yourself from saying something harsh. “We barely spend any time together. You come home so late and leave so early, I might as well live by myself at this point. You clearly don’t take my feelings into consideration given the fact that you haven’t taken a day off in down there a year-“ You rambled, combing your fingers through your hair as you walked around the room. “Babe. You know what I do for a living, I can’t just take a day off. That’s not how it works” The blonde stated, looking at you. You laughed bitterly, “That’s exactly how it works. You’re not the only Pro-Hero Denki, the world won’t fall apart if you take a day off” You explained. Kaminari stared at you for a bit before shaking his head and resuming to take off his costume. “See? This is the shit I’m talking about, you’re not listening to me” You say, glaring at him.

“I am listening to you. But you’re not making sense, you knew what I did way before we started dating. This isn’t something I just sprung onto you out of nowhere. You know this” He said plainly, before changing into pajamas and walking into the bathroom. You followed him, “I understand what you do and why you do it. What I don’t understand is the harm of you taking a day off to tend to yourself? To tend to me?” You asked. The blonde rolled his eyes, something he rarely did, he was getting annoyed. “You have friends, if you want attention, hang out with them” He replied, picking up his toothbrush. “I can spend time with my friends forever. But they’re not you, Denki” You whispered, as tears stung your eyes. You were tired, so tired. All you wanted was to spend time with him, just one day. Was that really too much to ask for?

in another life, i would make you stay

You tried, you honestly tried. You loved this man so much, it hurt. But it hurt more that he didn’t seem to care. So you left, and in the back of your head, you hoped that he would chase after you. Try and stop you. Tell you that you were making a mistake, that he would change his ways if it meant that you stayed. And if he did any of that, you would’ve stayed. Because it would show that he cared. But he didn’t do any of that, not a single thing. He let you go, he let you walk out the door without putting up a fight. The blonde figured you were upset and wanted to give you space, he didn’t want to add fuel to the fire.

so i don’t have to say you were the one that got away

He wanted to give you time to cool off before he approached you. Too bad he didn’t get the chance to approach you again. There he sat, on the kitchen floor, reading a letter he thought was a figment of his imagination. Kaminari reread the letter over and over but no matter how many times he read it, the words never changed. You left. Yes, you were upset but you weren’t leaving to blow off steam, you were leaving for good. How could he be so stupid? The blonde covered his mouth as he choked back a sob, he was going to take off. He was going to spend a whole week with you, just you and nobody else. Kaminari saw the error in his ways and was trying to fix it by saving vacation days and picking up extra patrols. Just so he could take off a full consecutive week off. Damn, only if you had held out a little longer. Maybe, just maybe, you wouldn’t have been…

the one that got away

[robinrunsfiction]

Twelve Days of Christmas Challenge Day 1 - Frank Iero

Pairing: Frank Iero x Female Reader Rating: Mature (smut) Requested by: @maria-the-ghoul​ Word Count: 1,450 Author's Note: Maria sent me a request a while back for a Frank story about a reader who hates the snow and Frank making it better. This is also going up today as her birthday was yesterday (whether she admits it or not) and so its also dedicated to her for that occasion as well!

“What’s on our itinerary for this weekend?” you asked as Frank drove. Between touring to promote Barriers, and getting My Chem back together, you both decided a weekend away was the best idea. You had found the cabin in the Adirondacks, but Frank insisted on creating the itinerary for the trip.

“That’s for me to know and you to find out,” he said, giving you a smirk.

You laughed and watched as the world went by outside the car. The tree branches had gone bare weeks ago, but to your delight, there wasn’t any snow yet. For someone who hated the cold as much as you did, it probably didn’t make sense to still live in the northeast, but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave, and you knew Frank would never leave New Jersey.

After stopping for dinner at a roadside dinner and about an hour of driving later, you pulled up in front of the cabin tucked back in the woods. You both hurried inside to get out of the cold wind that welcomed you when you got out of the car. You set your bags down and walked around the cabin in awe. It was bigger than you expected, but incredibly cozy. 

“Ok, now what are we doing first,” you asked turning to find Frank shrugging off his coat.

“I think you know exactly what I wanna do first,” the smirk returning to his face.

“Oh I’m sure I do,” you replied crossing the distance to him and your lips were on his. You draped your arms over his shoulders as you pressed yourself against him. One hand wrapped around to the small of your back as the other came up to run through your hair, giving a small tug that elicited a small moan from your lips. You could feel him smile as he kissed back. After a few minutes of heated kissing in the living room he tapped and you knew that was your signal to hop up and wrap your legs around his waist. He carried you to the bedroom and dropped you onto the plush bed.

Frank pulled off his sweater and tossed it aside. You had been looking at the tattoos that graced his skin for years, but you were never not amazed by them when he got undressed. You scooted back on the bed, tossing your shirt and bra aside as he climbed onto the bed and crawled up your body to reattach his lips to yours.

His hips pinned yours down, both searching for friction as he kissed down your neck, attaching to your favorite spot to leave a deep red mark.

His hands roamed across your chest as you arched into his touch, nails raking up his back.

Jeans and underwear were promptly discarded, as you laid back against the pillows and Frank lined himself up, before pushing into you easily. You moaned as he set the languid pace, savoring how you felt. 

"God, you're so good for me, (YN), so good," he purred against your neck.

"Yes Frank, oh fuck," you moaned.

"You want more?" He asked with almost a growl.

You could only respond with a broken moan as he increased his pace and angled his hips up, grinding against your core with each thrust.

"Say you're mine," he mumbled as he left another mark on your neck. 

"I'm all yours Frank, fuck, all yours," you moaned.

Hearing those words was all it took to push him over the edge. Feeling that then triggered your own release as you both lay out of breath on the bed.

"I love you so much (YN)," he whispered hoarsely, placing a gentle kiss on your bare shoulder.

"I love you too," you replied, curling against him.

~

The next morning you woke up still curled against Frank under the warm, soft blankets. You were almost certain that if Frank's plans for the whole long weekend were hooking up in the various beds in the house, you would be more than ok with it.

Frank started to stir beside you and you pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Mornin beautiful,” he murmured.

“Morning,” you replied. “What were you thinking we’d do today?”

“Make breakfast and then maybe go for a walk? There’s lots of trails around here,” he suggested.

“Sounds good to me,” you smiled before sitting up and stretching. “Oh, it’s cold, we should build a fire this evening.”

“Good idea,” Frank replied sleepily.

You got up, pulling on the sweater Frank had discarded the night before and made your way into the living room. “Umm Frank…”

“Wha?”

“For that hike today, did you bring snowshoes?”

“What?!”

You heard Frank tossing back the bed sheets and his feet padding out to where you were and he saw what you meant.

“Damn,” he muttered looking at the snow that had already fallen and the big fluffy flakes that continued to fall.

“Looks like we’re stuck here until all the snow blows over.”

“Ugh,” you groaned as you dramatically fell back on the couch. “This sucks.”

“It could be worse,” Frank said turning on the coffee maker.

“Don’t tempt fate babe,” you said joining him in the kitchen and hopping up on the counter. “But this is a beautiful cabin, and even if I hate the snow, it is pretty out there. We should get the guys and their ladies to come back here this summer.”

“That’s a great idea,” he said placing a quick kiss on your lips.

You and Frank made breakfast together and then curled up under blankets on the couch to eat while the snow fell outside. After that you both settled back in with the books you had brought to read.

After a while you got up and started wandering around the house.

"(YN), what are you doing?"

"I'm bored of my book, so I'm trying to see if there's anything else to do here," you said coming down from the loft before heading for a closet near the entryway. "Ah ha!"

"What did you find?"

"There's a deck of cards, that's something to do," you said climbing under the blankets with Frank.

"Hmm, hang on, I'm almost done with this chapter," he replied.

You started to shuffle the cards as you waited for Frank to finish. You watched the snow fall outside and sighed contentedly, happy to be in such a beautiful place with Frank.

"Ok I'm done," he said finally putting his book down. "How about strip poker?" He asked with a devilish grin.

“Fine, but you need to go turn up the heat, it's getting chilly in here and I don't want you to be cold when you lose,” you retorted.

"You wish, gorgeous," he replied as he got up. You watched as he got up and went to the light switch and flipped it, but nothing happened. He flipped the switch a couple more times.

“Shit,” Frank muttered before turning to the thermostat. “Seriously?”

“What?” You asked cautiously.

“The power is out.”

You could help but let out a loud cackling laugh. “How are we so oblivious that we didn't notice that the power went out?!”

Frank started to laugh, shaking his head as he made his way to the fireplace and started to load logs into it. “No idea, but I guess we’re gonna have to sleep out here to stay warm.”

You hummed in agreement. "Yea. Not that I mind, this is the most comfortable couch I’ve ever spent an afternoon on.”

You went back to the bedroom and grabbed the comforter and pillows from the bed and brought them into the living room and snuggled in again while Frank finished getting the fire started and joined you. You curled up against him and he wrapped his arm around your waist.

“Hey (YN)?” He started.

“Hmm?”

“I’m really happy we’re up here together, even if we didn’t get to do the stuff we wanted, and it’s snowing and cold and you hate it,” Frank smiled.

You laughed. “Nowhere else I wanna be.”

“You wanna be by my side forever?” He asked softly.

“Frank,” you started, looking up at him with wide eyes.

You felt him reaching in his pocket and then he pulled out a diamond ring. “(YN), will you marry me?”

You felt your eyes welling up with happy tears as you nodded happily, unable to verbalize a response.

“I love you (YN),” Frank said putting the ring on your finger and pressing a kiss to your lips.

“I love you too Frank,” you finally were able to say before grabbing his face and pulling him in for another kiss. "We get forever."

"We get forever," he murmured, kissing you again.

[dark-and-kawaii]

Shinsou x Reader

“Shinsou with an edgy punky fem reader kiwi”

I accidentally deleted this ;-; sorry!!!

Art by Keiid!!

There you were, sitting at your desk listening to Rancid like always. Your black vans tapping to the beat of the music while your head bounces up and down. You were so chill all the time, you never really focused on anyone except yourself and one other girl in class. Shinsou couldn’t help himself but to watch you out of the corner of his eyes.

Your dyed hair, fashion, personality, everything about you was unique actually. You kinda reminded him of himself, the only difference was the class didn’t see your quirk as evil, they saw it being cool. You’re a female though, so of course everyone wouldn’t think anything bad.

He wanted to say something to you, compliment you, tell you how he likes the way your nose ring looks, or how he likes your finger tattoo, something, anything, but all he does is sit and watch.

When you had first arrived Shinsou didn’t think much of you, he thought your appearance was interesting but that was about it. In his mind you were just like everyone else.

It wasn’t until some guy asked you out and you turned them down when he started to find her truly interesting. As the male classmates asked you out you were very straight forward, “I would let you down politely but i don’t want to waste my time, No. You’re not my type and truth be told i find you really annoying, not to mention you smell all the time. Go away.” Pulling out your perfume you sprayed the male whom just asked you out, your friend giggling as you did so. Shinsou smirking at his desk as he watched you spray the guy with your perfume.

Yup, Shinsou was head over heels for you.

It wasn’t until one day he was finally able to talk to you, and sadly it didn’t happen like how he had imagined it in his head. A group of guys surrounded him outside of school, they were teasing Shinsou about his quirk and how he should just give up on being a hero, that he’s just wasting his time. “You’d make a good Villain! You don’t even have the looks to be a hero! Just leave U.A!”

You were standing in front of a shop as you witnessed the scene take place, sipping on your cold coffee you wanted nothing to do with it, but you would be lying if you said you didn’t want to help Shinsou. As one of the guys shoved Shinsou you went ballistic.

Not even thinking you did what you did best. Throwing your iced coffee at the guy who just shoved Shinsou you start running up to the group with your skateboard in hand. “Hey! Asshole!” When the male turned around you nailed him right in the face with your skateboard.

Shinsou couldn’t believe what he had just witnessed, no really… HE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT. The girl he liked just ran up to the guy who shoved him….and she smacked the guy… in the face… with a skateboard.

The rest of the group started to crack their fist, they were ready to fight you after you just did that, but when you lifted up your skateboard hollering, “You want some too!!! Come on!!! Plenty more board to go around!” They backed off, picking up their unconscious friend from the ground they left in a hurry before you could smack anyone else in the face with that thing.

Huffing you threw down your skateboard, irritated that you just wasted your iced coffee, “awh man… seriously?… Why did i throw my coffee…” but you were glad Shinsou was okay.

Shinsou took note that you were looking down at your spilled coffee, “Can i buy you another?”

“Uhm, sure. That would be cool, thanks.”

As he opened the cafe’s door for you he noticed that you had a large blackcraft cult jersey on, rocking it with your black vans and some fishnet socks, on your knee was a bandaid and on you other knee there were a few scratches. He loved it. You weren’t like the other females in school.

Shinsou told you to go sit and he would get you your coffee but you insisted to stand in line with him. It was quiet. Neither of you spoke which was killing you, “Ya know. You don’t have to be so quiet around me. I’m not scared of your brainwashing quirk. I actually think it’s pretty cool, just imagine how many villains you’d be able to capture.”

He was taken aback, what? You liked his quirk?

“You’re just saying that to be nice since i’m buying you a new coffee.” He wasn’t buying it.

A vein popped up on your forehead, “I wouldn’t have just hit a guy in the face with my skateboard if i didn’t like you!! Ya idiot!”

Shit.

“Wh-what.” Shinsou stepped back a little, surprised at what you just said. Did he take it the wrong way?

You were calm and relaxed, minus your one eye that was twitching because you didn’t mean to blurt that last bit out, “I mean, your hair is cool too, it’s all purple and stuff… and messy like mine… I mean ya know.” You shrugged. “Ugh fine! Yeah, I think you’re handsome and i like ya! Happy? Ever since i transfered to U.A.. I always thought you were interesting, Shinsou. I hate how people pick on you, makes me want to hit them in the face.”

He couldn’t believe it, the girl he was interested in… was interested in him. “I like you too, ____.” Shinsou was rubbing the back of his neck. “When you transfered i didn’t think much of you, but as time went on you reminded me of myself… And you were different from everyone else, you don’t follow the cool trend.” He smiled a little, thinking about how you always got in trouble for wearing black fishnets under your skirt.

“That’s because i’m following my own path and joining my own trend!” you told him with a big grin on your face, “we only have one life, might as well live it how we want right?” You messed his hair up a little, “You’ll be able to become a great hero if you keep following your own path! Just don’t worry about anyone else and what they say.”

You were right, and Shinsou appreciated your words and he would hold on to them forever.

As you both left the coffee shop with your new coffee Shinsou carried your skateboard so you could enjoy you drink.

“So you like me huh?” Shinsou was smirking as he walked next to you. He wanted to use his quirk on you right now, he wanted to feel your lips on his.

You nodded peeking up at him, you saw his devilish smile. Your eyebrow arched knowing fully well what he wanted to do but his smirk fell. He stopped himself from thinking like that.

You both were at a park near your house, talking, laughing, explaining unique features about yourselves. It was getting late and you needed to get home though, so it was time to say goodbye till tomorrow.

“Shinsou, if you like me and i like you… Don’t you think we should do something about that?” You stepped closer to him, your head tilting up. Shinsou backed into a tree, he was nervous. No one ever got this close to him and he wasn’t sure what to do, even though he was thinking a big earlier.

Your hands rested on his chest, tilting your head you leaned in placing a gentle kiss on his lips. His lips were smooth, and your hands could feel his heartbeat increase speed. Pulling back you looked him in the eyes before leaving, “Next time you want to use your quirk on me, don’t hesitate. I wouldn’t mind too much, and i told you. It isn’t a bad quirk. I like it just as much as i like you. So please don’t be afraid to use it on the girl you like.” You winked at him before picking up your skateboard. “See ya tomorrow Shinsou!” You waved goodbye and headed off on your board.

Sliding down the tree, Shinsou fell to his ass. Looking up at into the dark sky, Shinsou smiled to himself. He never knew what it felt like to actually be liked by someone, it felt good, and he didn’t want the feeling to disappear. Not when it involved you.

~ Love Kiwi xoxo