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absolutiions · 5 years ago

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´ ･ . ✶ ⧼ madchen amick, non binary, she & they / fucked my way to the top by lana del rey + eyes the color crimson and hands stained in crimson, too. victim of the underworld, you are not. you came, not to sit silent at his side as dutiful wives do, but to whisper in his ear. pouted lips smeared ruby stoke the flames of his darkest impulses and his deepest desires. you are the conqueror. you are the queen. and may god have mercy upon anyone who underestimates this : because you will not. ⧽ ━━ don’t look now, but that’s ATHENODORA. the TWO THOUSAND, FIVE HUNDRED & TWENTY TWO ( varying physical ) year old GIFTED VAMPIRE has been here in seattle for three minutes, and is considered a member of the VOLTURI. they’ve always been MACHIAVELLIAN & INDOMITABLE, but i guess this town just brings out the worst in people ; apparently, they’ve been way more INSOUCIANT & SUPERCILIOUS than usual. it wouldn’t surprise me if they knew what was going on. click HERE to check out her stats.

they told you that you were a nobody, so you became the QUEEN. ( now everybody knows your name )

SECTION ONE OF THREE : background / human era. trigger warnings for talk of pregnancy, death, abuse

born circa 502 bc, in a little village that has no lasting name nor impact in ancient greece.

five of the children born to her parents survived to adulthood, and since she was the last one... it is almost like, her whole life, she has been suffering from younger child syndrome. who knew !

she very literally grew up in a diff time, so when i say she wasn’t rly close to any of her siblings, i don’t mean it in a like... horrible way. it’s not a reflection of character. they just didn’t have a tight sibling bond, though she loved them greatly.

same w her parents. they were unexceptional people who lived unexceptional lives, and though she was grateful for, u know... their creation of her - they were not close. they did not, in laymans terms, have the lorelai and rory gilmore dynamic.

her whole family were content to live their dismal lives, and... tho athenodora did not vibe, she, again - grew up in a diff time. of course she dreamt of more. of course she prayed to the gods for something better. but she was achingly aware of the fact that no such future would ever exist for her. such is life in 400 whatever bc, bumfuck, greece.

she was just barely eighteen when she was married to athanasios, to secure land, or smth, because those were the times. of course it was something like that.

he was... fine, at first. a little small minded ( that wasn’t the ONLY thing that was small, haha ). he, like everyone, was content to live the same old life, and athenodora just... wasn’t. she had been raised on stories of grandeur, and her parents had thought she would settle for the regular - it should not have been a surprise that she didn’t want to, but gods, did she try.

she never loved him, she can safely say ; but she wished that she did. for a long while, athenodora thought it would be easier, and thought that she could do a lot worse. unfortunately... she cld not.

their lives were meant to follow a certain pattern. they had gotten married, and now he would work all day, make them money, tend their land. she would stay home. cook. clean. raise the children that they were sure to have. athenodora was capable of almost everything expected of her, except for the most important part - she couldn’t seem to give him children. not strong sons. not beautiful daughters.

at first, he told her that it was fine.

after a year or so, he still told her that it was fine, but she could see in his eyes that it wasn’t.

two years after this, he called her the ancient greek version of defective for the very first time - and things only got worse from there.

he had always been a perfectly fine husband, until he was not, and athenodora had always wanted to love him, until she did not. she prayed to the gods every morning and night, to give her what her husband so desired. to give her that which would make her life better, even if she knew it would not heal the wounds already caused.

sometimes the gods r not dicks. a miracle! she becomes pregnant, aged twenty four ( i kno it sounded like she was a crone but again please remember the times ). she always thought it was just what was best n only athanasios would care, but , wow... suddenly. she cares. she has never felt this level of love with anything, until now.

but, tragedy :// straight white men ( idk, i just feel like her husband was the root of all evil ) are not so easily satisfied. who wld have guessed he wld continue to be an abusive asshole even after his wife succeeded in getting pregnant? i bet i shocked u all. who wld have guessed that a huge part of his problem wld end up being that suddenly, athenodora clearly cares abt something - and it isn’t him. again. got you all!

over the course of her pregnancy, he becomes, for the first time, a real threat to her - or maybe, athenodora simply never took him seriously until there is another person to think of. either way, she TRULY fears him and what he’s capable of by the time she gives birth, and after he makes some passing remark abt their baby, she yeets the FUCK out of there in the middle of the night, eirene ( baby ) only a handful of days old. she takes what she can carry and nothing more, and she... makes it pretty far, thanks to the kindness of strangers. you love to see it.

she settles somewhere ( she considers to be ) far away, and she makes up a good story : her husband died in a war ( there were probably a lot of time, i dont know ) and she was widowed, left to care for their young daughter alone. i know. its really original. they didnt have tv shows back then to rip stories from though.

stays in a hovel on the edge of their village. think the shittiest home you’ve ever seen and then make it shittier. there are rumors about her being a witch, and she kind of appreciates them, because it keeps kids out of her yard. and shock of all shock : in spite of being... u know. a woman. and not very skilled. she finds a very hot ticket job - working for the very wealthy volturi family who live on the other ( opposite ) outside of town, but like, in a considerably better home, obviously.

honestly, i don’t kno what the ancient greek equivalent of that secretary in new moon is, but that’s the vibe we’re going for, here. she’s like, a chambermaid or smth. and she makes a tidy little sum. doesn’t question her weirdo bosses that much. doesn’t know what anemia is because im p sure it wasnt discovered by then, but presumes they have it.

and maybe, just maybe, it’s the finesse of the century : or maybe, just maybe, it is destiny. in no time at all, she has caught the eye of the volturi’s most eligible bachelor(tm) : caius volturi. many another worker is made upset by this fact, as athenodora is very quickly alotted VERY special treatment as the apple of his eye, which includes, i don’t know... hand delivered baskets of pomegranates, a nicer home and in due time, the simple pleasures of the flesh.

so that’s pretty neat. and life’s pretty fine. she feels like an ancient greek sugar baby, and honestly, isn’t that all she’s ever deserved? she’s got some nice digs ( i don’t think she’d have called them that ) and a man who worships the ground she walks on and who spoils her with pretty things, and most importantly : she is taking care of her daughter, who i absolutely didn’t forget about. eirene is the literal light of athenodora’s life, and everybody knows it. if i say jean valjean and cosette vibes, can we all pretend we get it?

and then it goes to shit. as things do.

her daughter is fourteen years old, when her father finds them ; and she doesn’t know, she never knows, if he was seeking them out or whether it was all DUMB luck. regardless of it all, he is stood inside her home, his breath coming in angry half pants, and athenodora is convinced that this is it. that her end has come. that her freedom is over. she dies, she thinks, or she returns back to the house that was not her home with him. these are her options.

she tells her daughter to leave. she stops him from following. when she is shoved and her head hits the table, she is aware of the option he has chosen for them more than all else - but the gods, or perhaps, just one - intervenes.

until this night, athenodora had never known the truth of the volturi. but when her beloved saves her from athanasios, she sees him for what he is. she UNDERSTANDS. and she isn’t frightened. she should be, for sure, she should be running as fast as she can - but all she can think in that moment is that she is free now in all the ways she has never been... and caius, her love, is something so much larger than this life.

for the first time, the godhood that athenodora has always dreamt of is within her grasp. she makes him promise that once eirene comes of age, he will make her into the same creature that he IS. she makes him swear a solemn oath, and he who has been so infatuated by her for so long cannot argue.

four years. this is all it takes, and then eirene is eighteen - capable of standing upon her own two feet. athenodora leaves her everything - all the gifts she has ever been given, all the wealth accumulated, the home. everything she will not need, once she is gone. and she says a final goodbye.

caius turns her himself. the greatest gift he could ever give her.

and reborn, athenodora is MORE than everyone in her life could ever dream of being. she is the queen of the underworld, the goddess of death. she is all of this, and more. at his side, she finds GREATNESS. and once she had it, athenodora decided she would never again be without.

SECTION TWO OF THREE : volturi era.

became cool. became powerful. very emma frost of her, rly

didnt rly care for the rest of the coven outside of caius but sometimes u gotta hang w scrubs

didyme dies sometime after her turning, and that kind of fucks everybody up

not so much her bc like i said she didnt rly care but... caius b frightened of losing her, i guess

kind of throws a spanner in the works

she spends a lot of time ‘locked away’. not , like, literally ( bc that’s gross! ) but... caius takes over protective to the extreme

uses this time to harness her power and fuck

not always in that order

also spends a lot of time telling him he deserves to b leader

deserves to b the new aro

who needs powers?

not u, caius

go kick their ass baby i got ur flower-

( he doesn’t go kick their ass but man she wishes he wld )

she’s genuinely devoted to him, however, as much as it sometimes seems as if she’s using him as a means to an end

she DOES do that with a LOT of people, but caius... that’s her baby! her darling! her sweetie pie! fuck everybody else in this house caius, she respects YOU !

she jus wants to see him be the best there ever was, and he’s.... p... happy to giv her everything she wants, so their dynamic is actually p equal

we love to see it

anyway lots of years happened and now she’s here

seattle sucks -athenodora’s official review

but she’s fucking SICK of aro’s shit and thinks her 2020 birthday wld be the best time for an official change of pace

obviously aro can read minds so he knows athenodora has high aspirations but he has learned his fucking lesson w killing ppls mates, i guess

lucky for her!

that’s all i got

hehe

SECTION THREE OF THREE : power.

athenodora is an ungifted vampire in twilight canon, but to that i say : fuck ya chicken strips. in equinox, she be special. her power is life force manipulation, in a pretty unique ( and dare i say ) way.

she was a forty two year old woman, when she was turned. she had lived a life, and she had the MARKS to show for it. but the very first time that she drank human blood from the vein, athenodora realized that she was not as unexceptional as she had always been lead to believe she was. vampires do not change. they’re frozen in time, like statues, portraits, photographs... and yet, before caius’ very eyes - athenodora did what no other vampire could. mere seconds passed, and suddenly ; she was stood before her beloved, decades younger. it lasted as long as her thirst was sated, with her age returning to her as her eyes darkened once more. and it happened all over again, when next she fed.

over time, she’s come to understand it well enough. she has a particular love of younger humans ; those in their twenties, and thus, physical primes. she thinks that is, in part, down to her gift ; she seeks these out to drink from because when she feeds, she’s not simply drinking their blood, but also, their life force. she’s taking theirs to add to her own.

like many gifted vampires, she has spent time learning what she can of her gift, and learning whether there is some other way to apply it. it took almost two thousand years, but eventually - athenodora discovered that with a touch, her fingertips to their skin ( and a great deal of focus ), she could render another changed, also. it lasts for only a short amount of time - an hour, maybe a little longer, depending on how strong she is. but it works. and it makes her think that, in all her unlimited time : she might just be able to do even more. be a danger. manipulate life force in a way that can DESTROY. she’ll keep on working on that for as long as she lives.

#equinox.intro #ath #( 𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐍𝐎𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐀 ) ━━━ * biography !

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bangtanficrecs · 6 years ago

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Lost & Found Batch #18

The newest batch was long overdue ^^;; As always, if you happen to know the fic the ask is looking for, reply to this post or send us an ask with the request number and title/author. If you happen to know any fics from Past Batches, those are more than welcome as well. Thank you!! ~ Admin P

1) Hi! I think my ask got lost TT I was wondering if you guys know of a vmin fic on ao3 where they’re roommates and jimin likes tae and decided to seduce him by asking him to take nude pics of him, and tae ended up not reacting and then they admitted that they both liked each other? Or something along those lines. PLEASE HELP IT WAS SO AWESOME AND I LOVED IT :( thank you!!!

you're only brave in the moonlight by ameliabedelias

2) Hi!! so a while back i was reading a yoonseok fic on ao3, it was smut, and i wanted to read it again but i cant find it, i was wondering if you could help??? it was yoonseok and yoongi was a "beta" but soon found out he was an omega he called himself a "late bloomer"?? and hoseok walks in, they have sex, and i specifically remember yoongi feeling hoseoks dick in his stomach and "rubbing" it. i know its wierd but can you please help me find it???

A Test in What, Exactly, Is "Too Much" by Yooniefucks

3) Hello, I'm trying to find a fic that has taekook in it. I don't actually remember what the fic is about, but I remember that jungkook is a guard/knight and somewhere along the story, the Prince (?) finds out that jungkook is a werewolf since he was bitten as a child and he imprinted on taehyung, who's human if I'm not mistaken. The king took him in, and he used to be chained to a cage/cave (?) during full moon. It will be great if you can help me :) thank you! 💜

4) Hi, I'm trying to find this yoonjin fic were yoongi is walking home from an underground gig and it's late at night. He smells fresh baked goods and it leads him to a building he passes by all the time but never noticed before. He goes inside and jin fixes him a drink and gives him a muffin/cupcake. At the end jin reveals that he's magic and he cast a spell to find love. Thank you for your help!!

5) I'm looking for a yoongi/jimin fic where jimin is abused by his boyfriend (I think the author used a random idol) and yoongi catches on and tries to help but jimin is really damaged. The rest of the group lowkey knows jimin abused but don't know how to help. Sorry I can't remember lots of details but it was really angsty and good

6) hello, im looking for some kind of royalty fan fic where jimin was visiting yoongi’s palace/home? I can’t remember why but they weren’t close in the beginning. All I can remember was a scene where a bunch of boys were in a room smoking and playing poker (half naked?) and a young servant/slave who was able to play any piano piece after just listening to it once and in the end he left with a Russian man who made music.... thank youu

7) Ugh I seriously need help! I’ve been looking for this fic I lost for 3 days now, I really want to read it again! I’m going to be upset if it was deleted :( anyway, it was a fic where the boys were on their way to something and they got in a car crash but it was only Jin, Hoseok, Yoongi, Tae and Kook. Then Jin and Hoseok were kidnapped by a guy named Sung I think, and the fic focused on Yoongi and Tae and Kook traveling through the woods they crashed in looking for Jin and Hobi and then (pt.1) Jimin and Joon were at a hotel with their manager and they were convinced something was wrong and they wanted to go look for them. In the end they got rescued and they killed the Sung guy and Yoongi was shot and I just really want to find it again cause there was an unfinished sequel. I’m so upset. I hope this was enough to help you help me lookfor it!

8) YOOO what's poppin sis'. Can yall help me. I've been looking for this fic where the rap line is an underground rap line and like they perform cypher pt 3? Idfr the name but the main pairings were namjin and yoonmin. Thanks 🤪🤪🧡

9) Hi there! I was hoping you guys could help me find this fic - it's on AO3. It was multi-chaptered, completed, and was a collection of namjoon centric oneshots/drabbles. one of the chapters was inspired by the "princess princess" anime and featured joon wearing panties, bent over jin's lap, before yoongi came to rescue him from a bunch of onlookers. please help!!

10) Hi! I’m looking for a Yoongi/Jungkook fic. I’ve been searching nonstop for a few weeks and I think the author may have deleted it. The plot line is basically this: Jungkook is a medical student who falls in love with Yoongi and eventually loses his drive in the field. I know it has sexual content so it’s either M rated or E. One of the tags was ‘slow burn’ and ‘Jungkook cries a lot’. Thanks in advance!

11) Hello! In the lost chuchu batch 16, #13 is "I Can't Even" by handintheshot in Ao3. But I can't find a link of it. Also, I'd like to ask whether you know about the fic where jimin suddenly has a vagenay and then proceeds to have a hot threesome with jk and tae? If possible, can you please recommend me more like those? Thank you so much 💜

12) Hello! Do u guys know of a vmin pwp oneshot where taehyung has ADHD? They sit in a chair for most of it, and the premise has a slight focus on how Jimin makes it easier for Tae to sit still. It was really sweet, and I can't find it :c

13) I am looking for a 6+1 fic where Namjoon is homeless and in each iteration a different member takes him into their home and life. A recurring element is a cake decorating book that Namjoon borrows from the library - a page falls out detailing how to make a flower with icing, and he keeps it in his pocket. I have used my search-fu but I cannot find it. It was on AO3. I hope you can help, even if it's just with a possible name I can run via the Wayback machine! Thanks!

14) Hello! I would like to ask your help into searching for a story that I can't, for the life of me, find. It's a Yoonmin story but what I remember the most is that Jungkook works as a janitor in an office and he quits because his boss is horrible. However, Taehyung, whom his boss is interested in working with, will only sign the proposal if they rehire Jungkook, so the boss sends Jimin to do it, since Jimin is friends with the both of them. In the end, they all end up working at the same place. TY

15) Hello. I'm looking for a fic where the group had six members but Suga time travels/dimension travels and becomes part of the group as a secret member. I remember that Jin is doing a vlive and is squirted with a water gun but everyone thinks it's Jimin. And when it's reveled to be Suga he's in his dorm room and pulls a big super soaker from under his blankets. I hope that's enough. It's super specific but I can't seem to find it. I hope you can help me :)

16) hey i was looking for this soul reaper or angel?? au where jungkook dies and is taken to the shinigami/reaper realm by the reaper (i think it was yoongi) and i cant find it anywhere :(( i think he dies bc of his new friends and the fic opens with a scene where the reaper sends one of his murderers souls to hell? The reader finds out later i guess. Id really appreciate it if u could find that :(( thank you!

An anon believes it’s Naught Readings For Naughty Readers by supermans_crib, however that has been on AO3

17) Hi! I had recently lost one of the greatest ffs ever, it was a jikook au where they were in the military (?) and jimin had went into a stage sort of like heat and jungkook had to fuck him, he got hekka scared afterwords but they ended up liking eachother

as if it's your last by fatal (cumrich)

18) Hi! I'm trying to find a NamJin fic. I searched the fics here and my bookmarks on AO3 (since I swear I bookmarked it) but I can't seem to find it. It starts out where Yoongi is accusing Namjoon of not moving on. We find out that Namjoon and Seokjin are friends and Namjoon confessed to Seokjin and was rejected. Things get complicated when Seokjin keeps coming around and even interfering with someone Namjoon starts dating. Memorable scene, Seokjin chasing Namjoon in the dark screeching his name.

everything moves on by fruitily

19) Hello. I am looking for a namgi fic where yoongi works in an old bookshop and likes wearing feminine clothing , and namjoon works at a cafe but visits the bookshop often. Namjoon likes art and philosophy but is scared of his parent's reactions so yoongi tells him to fuck society and to "wake up from your sad life and figure out who you are", they eventually kiss as well. I read it on AO3. Your help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

20) Hi! I was wondering if y’all could help out with a fic I remember reading? jimin pining for yoongi and for some weird reason I remember a specific scene where jimin (whose brought food for yoongi) waits for yoongi outside of (a studio?) falls asleep waiting and wakes up when yoongi and someone else walk out. Jimin had wanted to eat with him I think but yoongi either says that he’s already ate or is headed to eat with the person. It’s unrequited feelings for a bit of the story.

21) There was a fix where yoongi was a prince and he went out and on the way met all the members who were disney princesses, it was a parody kind of, min yoonji was sleeping beauty and she went back to sleep again and from her castle members got a cat and kittens, can you please find it

22) Hello! I read this fiction a loonnggggg time ago where vminkook were in high school detention I think and kook could read minds and read tae's mind once and hes thinking about potatoes so he calls him potato boy but then the next time tae's thinking about fucking jimin and like yeah LOL I think they all end up in a threesome at the end but yeah I dont remember the title or author ))):

23) what’s that fanfic when it’s an au one of them is overweight and they join their school gym or something? and fall in love with the person who trains them. and there’s this beach scene and a car wash scene near the end. been looking for it for a while, hope you can help!

24) hi! i’m looking for a fic i read a while back, i think it was vmin and one of them had been hurt so the other got them off and they ended up in a relationship i think? pretty sure it was cannon compliant too! thanks!

25) so tae is a student and jk is a professor. jk is engaged to this woman (mina?). basically they are both straight but end up falling for each other so before jk gets married he plans to break up with the girl but she blackmails him with pics of him and his student and turns crazy. i don’t rlly remember what happens after that but later they eventually end up together. i think it’s ab 10 chapters. i’m pretty sure i read it on ao3!

26) Hello! I was reading this taekook fic on ao3 but I forgot what it was called ☹️ basically jungkook travels back in time and kidnaps his last self to tell him how in the future Tae kills himself, so jungkook tries to get his past self to be nicer to Tae and stop him. Past jungkook thinks that Tae cheated on him but he was actually forced to have sex with his “boss” but jungkook doesn’t give him a chance to explain and starts cheating on Tae and is being really nasty to him. Ah help plz if you can

27) I’m searching for a fic and i really can’t find it ... i remember it’s jikook (but not really) and it’s about jungkook (who thinks he’s straight) who downloads a porn (by mistake i think) of minjoon and like he ends up liking it, it’s so vague i’m sorry kfhskcj

care to stay for the ride? by voseok

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#longest one yet #long post #will be tagging that if anyone wants to blacklist!#lost and found #lost and found batch

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freckled-girl-2319-blog · 6 years ago

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Part 1:

The trees whipping past me in a blur as I ran through the woods, I was running away. I couldn't remember why I was running but I knew I had to. A loud rumble cut through the air and the shaking of the ground sent me flying into a fallen log. I quickly looked behind me expecting to see something chasing me yet I saw nothing. I quickly got to my feet and started to run again this time faster. Another boom sounded but I managed to stay on my feet. I broke through the woods into a clearing, my lungs burned but my body kept pushing.

"Almost to the river" I thought.

The air smelled of grass and dew mixed with the damp smell of the earth. Another boom sounded out and a crack split open right before me. I fell backwards trying to stop myself from falling in. The crack expanded as I scrambled to my feet getting up to head the other way then another boom sounded out breaking the earth behind me leaving me on a small circle of isolation. Panicking I tried to calculate if I could jump across the cracks, just as soon as the thought crossed my mind the cracks enlarged greatly to a size I could not jump across. The smell turning to burning and ashes started to float into my vision along with embers. Looking into the crack I noticed lava. I scanned my surroundings looking for a way out. The lava was rising and if I didnt find a way out I was going to die. Another boom sounded out knocking me over the edge forcing me to grab onto the ledge, holding on for dear life. My fingers were slipping due to the wet grass from morning dew. I kicked my feet trying to find something to get my feet hooked in, anything that could possibly save me from falling. The lava was getting closer and my fingers were close to falling. I saw a flash of lightning and closed my eyes knowing what's next to come. I willed something or someone to come and help me. When the last boom sounded out I fell screaming. I could smell and feel the heat of the lava drawing closer.

I sprang up taking in deep breaths. My clothes were soaked with sweat as if the lava had really been close making me sweat. My head fell into my palms as I tried to calm myself. I've had the same dream every night for the past week, each night the dream went longer and added new parts. I couldn't help but feel the dream had something to do with my burning today.

A knock on my door startled me.

"Owen, honey its time to get up" my mother called in a cheery voice. "Its your burning day!" She cheered walking away from the door.

I slowly got out of bed. My legs felt like jelly and my heart was about to burst from my chest. I slowly walked out of my room making my way downstairs for breakfast with my mother. I walked into the kitchen to find a place setting for my mom, my father, me, and disturbingly my little brother. I stared at the plate set out for my little brother. A new chair accompanying the table for him.

My mom walked in to see me staring at the spot.

"I didnt mean to upset you or anything...I just think that he deserves to be apart of this day. He is your brother." My mother whispered.

I walked over to his place setting and ran my fingers down his plate as if just touching the plate would allow my brother back into this world.

"Its ok, I think thats a good idea." I whispered giving my mom a forced smile, walking over and giving her a kiss on the cheek. My mom gave out a sigh of relief and her face broke into a large smile.

My mom quickly changed the subject to something cheerier. "Your father will be home soon. He got the day off of course. Nobody not even the King could keep your father away on this day."

Smiling I asked my mom if she needed any help to which she replied no shooing me upstairs to get ready for my big day.

As I was getting ready I heard my dad come through the door. I hurriedly got ready so I could see my dad faster. Racing down the stairs I reached my dad who was smiling big and holding my mom.

"Happy burning day son." My dad said with a grin. I ran to hug my dad breathing in his scent. Both my mom and dad specialized in weather spells. They both smelled like rain and snow. I grinned up at my dad who tried scooting his way to the kitchen for breakfast. Upon seeing my brothers sitting place his smile changed to a wistful one. He brought my mom and I closer and laughed.

"Why dont we get to eating? The food smells ravishing." We all quickly sat except mom who went to the kitchen to get milk and coffee. Dad was rarely home and when he was it usually wasn't for long. I talk to my parents about everything so my dad and I have a lot to catch up on.

"So Owen, how is everything?" My father asked.

"Well... I've been having these...dreams" I started. My father looked at me strangely.

"Dreams...what kind of dreams." My father asked not understanding why I brought this up.

"They are dreams I've never had before and I've never experienced any dreams like this ever." I was getting a little worried that my parents would think I'm crazy or brush it off as nothing.

"Son...when a boy..a man gets older they experience changes...and whatever your experiencing in your dreams are normal and its a completely natural thing." My father started. I looked at him confused.

"You dont really think!" My mom gasped and looked at me then my dad again. "He's having..wet dreams?" My mother whispered even though I could clearly here her. Now I was just embarrassed.

"No! That's not what I was talking about!" I exclaimed embarrassed.

"Son there's nothing to be embarrassed about, it happens to everyone. When I was your age-" I cut him off.

"Dad I was talking about a different sort of dream! My dreams are more like nightmares, really vivid nightmares!" I explained. My dad and mom looked at me serious, then started laughing.

"What's so funny?" I demanded. My dad went back to eating his food.

"Don't worry about it Owen, the dreams have to do with your specialty." My dad chuckled. I felt confused and clearly it showed on my face because my dad brushed it off again.

"It happens to everyone Owen dont worry about it." My dad stated. My mom and dad went on to a different conversation.

I nodded my head slowly and started to eat my food. We all joked and laughed, swapping story's of the two weeks my dad has been gone.

When breakfast was over my dad cleaned up as my mom and I went upstairs to get her ready. Just as we picked out a dress for my mom, my phone went off.

Mac: Dude, come to the park and bring snacks I'm hungry

Reading the message I laughed.

"Love you mom, Im going to bring Mac food." I laughed. I kissed my mom goodbye and grabbed the keys to leave saying a quick goodbye to dad. Making my way over to the park stopping at a convenience store for Mac's snacks. When I arrived at the park I saw Mac sitting on the swings playing on his phone. There were a few kids playing on the jungle gym while the parents sat on benches chatting and watching their kids. I took a seat next to Mac swinging myself a little bit. I tossed the food to Mac and watched his face light up.

Mac looked at me grinning. "Your the best!" He exclaimed digging into his food.

I chuckled."Yeah, whatever"

I watched Mac eat his food, patiently waiting for him to finish.

"Are yah ready for your burning?" Mac questioned, finishing his food.

I smiled at him."I'm excited, but no defiantly not ready."

"I understand, I was the same way when I thought about it, actually more nauseous than anything." He shrugged. "Nothing to worry about, it doesnt hurt too much."

I gave a sarcastic chuckle. "Oh yeah, that makes me feel better."

Mac smiled at me. "Dont get sarcastic with me or you'll regret it." He smerked. "Besides, I wasn't trying to scare you or anything. I mean its called a burning its gonna hurt a little at least."

"I didnt really think about it..." I admitted looking at the children playing. "You know I kinda dont want to be a weather specialist." I whispered.

"You don't?" Mac looked at me puzzled. "I mean I support you and everything, but its not like you have a choice."

I looked at him trying not to look annoyed. "I know I can't choose, but I'm really hoping I'm not. If I am that's tons of pressure, not only to be great and get a good job, but also to marry another weather specialist. I want to marry who I want for love not to breed for more weather magicians." I complained. "Also weather magic isn't that powerful and if-". Mac interrupted me.

"I know you want to avenge your brother and weather magic doesnt seem like the right magic to use." I nodded, agreeing with him. Mac was someone who could understand my need to avenge my brother. If I didnt avenge my brother then I would feel like that one moment would control my whole life, make me think back and feel horrible about the fact that I could do nothing.

Mac's face broke out into a smile.

"Why don't we go back to your house and prank your dad? Call it a welcome home present." He smiled deviously.

Smerking I nodded my head, jumping from my swing and throwing Mac's trash away.

When we arrived at my house I watched as Mac sneakinly climbed into my window. We couldn't let my parents know he was here, that would ruin the prank. I walked into my house, trying to act as natural as possible.

"Honey, your back. I was wondering if you could help-" I interuppted my mom.

"Sorry, I'm feeling a little tired so I'm going to take a nap to refresh for my big day." I lied.

"Of course. I'll just ask your dad." She gave me a kiss on the cheek and left to find my dad. I arrived in my room to find Mac laying across my bed on his side with one of his hands propped up to be on his head and the other on his hip. He was smerking greatly.

"Owen, paint me like your one of your French girls." He exclaimed while striking a pose. I laughed and shut my door. Mac wiggled his eyebrows at me before sitting up into a normal position.

"Let's make up a master plan." He said deviously while tapping his fingers together like a corny villian in a kids cartoon. I scoffed and sat next to him giving his head a little push.

"My dad is helping my mom do something so we have enough time to think of something good." I explained. "And it can't be anything we have already done. So things like glue and pillow feathers, or paint on the door frame, are out of the question."

Mac pretended to put a thinking cap on, and made a very concentrated face.

"Well we could do a smack cam?" Mac questioned.

"Smack cam?"

"Well you'll call your dad upstairs to like help you with something and I'll be waiting in like the closet or something and he'll come in and I'll have a plate full of shaving dream and I'll smack it in his face." Mac explains rather quickly.

"That sounds messy......let's do it!" I exclaimed.

Mac jumped up with his fists in the air in a silent cheer.

"Great! Now go get the stuff but act inconspicuously. We dont want to be found out."

I snuck my way downstairs, my mom and dad nowhere in sight. I quickly grabbed the stuff and ran back upstairs.

Mac's face lit up when he saw the supplies. We got everything ready and Mac was taking his place in my closet.

"Oh hey!! Look at that, back in the closet where I belong!" Mac joked and winked at me. Laughing I closed the closet and called for my dad to come up.

I was in my bathroom pretending to be concerned about the shower.

"What do you need?" My dad called through my bedroom door.

"Come in." I called. "I need help with the shower, something's not right." My dad made his way in looking accusingly at me.

"What did you do to it?" He questioned making his way over. Just as he was going to pass the closet Mac jumped out and smacked my dad right in the face with the shaving cream. I started to laugh as my dad stood there shocked, then a smile broke out on his face. He started walking towards me. With his hands outstretched to grab me. I turned around and grabbed the shower head and pointed it at me dad.

"Dont come any closer or you'll regret it." I said laughing. He didnt stop getting closer so I turned the water on. My dad quickly ducked out of the way and the water sprayed Mac. Mac looked at me with a glare. Then grabbed the shaving cream. They both came towards me.

"No guys stop this isn't fair, it was Mac's idea." I pleaded, neither of them listened because then I was tackled and covered with shaving cream. We all looked at each other and started laughing.

My mom came in to see what all the ruckus was about and chuckled at the sight, instantly knowing what happened.

"Alright, boys its time to get going, All if you get cleaned up." My mom laughed. I instantly quieted down, anxiety creeping into my body as I thought about how the next few hours would go. Apparently I looked terrified cause Mac gave me a tap on my shoulder with a reassuring smile.

"I'll be here for yah."

I gave him a nervous smile. "Thanks."

We all got cleaned up and then loaded up into my moms small car and headed to the inner walls. Since my dad was a guard I was to have my burning in the inner walls of the castles surrounding ones.

The ride there was filled with my mom and dad's excited chatter of me specializing in weather magic. Mac and I were very quiet on the way there. Every now and I then I caught Mac looking at me with concern, no doubt making sure I was ok.

As we drew closer to the burning centre my anxiety got worse. I imagined the worse case scenarios. I imagined the burning not going right and I ultimately died from severe burns. I also imagined not being a weather specialist and my parents being not only disappointed but also disowning me, yelling at me wishing my brother was the one who lived. I also imagined being a weather specialist and going through life knowing that all my choices are already made for me.

Mac noticed me starting to freak out and grabbed my hand, a weird jesture but oddly calming. He gave my hand a reasurring squeeze and smiled.

He whispered softly to me as if trying not to scare a little bunny. "It'll be ok Del. I promise." The use of my nickname made me smile. Mac was actually a nickname, not actually my friends really name. His real name was Nuada, but we all just used his middle name. Mac was Irish so his name was hard to pronounce.

"Thanks Mac, just nervous that's all."

Mac squeezed my hand again in reassurance. The car came to a stop and my parents called for us to get out. Mac let go off my hand and started to get out. I sighed getting out of the car, my hand still tingly from Mac's grip. We all walked to where the burning centre was. The equipment looked like the really old 'witch burning' pits from old human stories. I shivered thinking of burning to death while everyone I knew watched unaware that something was wrong.

A middle aged women and two men who looked like bodyguards walked up to us smiling.

"Now which one of you is Owen?" The lady smiled. I timidly stepped forward, and gave an awkward wave.

"Uh...me."

The lady smiled knowingly. "Of course you are. Come this way, only one person is aloud with you from now on. Everyone else will have to wait." My parents looked at me telling me to make the decision. My parents didnt tell me I could have a person with me, they actually didnt tell me much. When Mac's burning day came around he was by himself. I was confused and in a daze, scared by the burning and just wanted to be comforted.

"Mac...please." I pleaded, hoping he would accept.

My parents didnt look the least bit surprised or even disappointed. Mac smiled at me wrapping his arm around my shoulder, trying to calm me down. The lady smiled and started to walk away, Mac and I followed waving my parents goodbye.

"Its ok, just breath." Mac whispered, rubbing my shoulder in an attempt to calm me down. "We dont want you having a panic attack, right?"

I nodded trying to keep my breathing steady. Mac was a person I trusted and I could easily show my signs of distress. I didnt have panic attacks frequently but when I did they were very intense.

The lady took us to a room where they had laid out paint and other ritual items. Two younger ladies who looked about 14 were waiting for us.

"Ok, Jennet and Beatrice will take care of your symbols and get you ready. Now Mac can stay with you until you get tied to the burning stake, then he will be as close to you as possible." This time it was me who grabbed Macs hand, I squeezed his hand while staring at the floor. "Then right after Mac will be brought to you. We will try to make you as comfortable as we can." The lady gave a reassuring smile that I caught from the corner of my eye.

"Thanks, he is just nervous." Mac said politely. The lady left the room being very quiet. I stood in the same spot for a few seconds. The two ladies walked towards me.

"Hey, Owen? Right?" I nodded. "I'm Jennet, I promise that itll be ok. Just come over to the table we will get you ready and Mac will come over too. Ok?" I nodded again making my way over to the table. The ladies gestured for me to sit on what looked like a doctors table. I sat and waited for them to grab their supplies. They carefully drew the symbols on my face. A symbol for each specialty. When the burning happens the symbols change into whichever one the person will specialize in. Then you just have a bunch of the same symbols on your face. It can't get any clearer than that.

Mac smiled at me.

"What are you looking at?" I questioned wierded out.

"You look like a very good sacrifice." He laughed. I did not find this as amusing. Giving him my best glare, I silently flipped him off. He just laughed.

"I'm sure something will come to gobble you up! Maybe a vampire or a demon." Mac laughed making 'scary' jestures with his hands.

#writing #newstory #readthisplease #author #burning #bxb #gay #lgbtq #fantasy #witches #wizards

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mental-health-advice · 4 years ago

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Hey there, first I just wanna say thank you for answering and helping so many people daily!! Im really really glad you guys are so great!!!! I actually have a question that might sound a little strange maybe? But im not sure who else to ask and you are always super nice when answering asks and non judgemental. So my cat died a little over two years ago and my mum and i were just looking at pictures of him and its like i dont recognise him. I have these pictures and i know he was our cat since i was like 5 or sth but i dont recognise him! and thats why it makes me actually really mad and hurts me. I cant remember what it was like with him around. Like at all and whenever i look at pictures of him he looks so unfamiliar to me. I find that really weird and idk why thats happening. I hope you can help ~🌼

Hey there,

Firstly thank you so much for your kind words, we really do appreciate it and love knowing that we are helping to support others, even if it’s just by listening and offering some comforting words where we can!

Losing a pet is never easy. I myself, like many others I’m sure have lost much loved pets over the years so you are definitely not alone! I remember when my parents, cat Sootie, who became my childhood cat too passed away. I too don’t remember him much and nor do I remember anything specific like memories I shared with him. I know of him through stories that my parents and siblings have spoken of but that is it, so I can sympathise greatly with how confused and upset you must be feeling right now.

One thing I try to gently remind myself of is that I was so young when we had him and when he passed away when I was 11 or so years old. Is this something that perhaps you could remind yourself of when you are feeling mad and upset over not recognising your own cat in any photos? Often we don’t remember much but snippets here and there of when we were young so it’s quite possible that you have blocked out or just don’t remember specific times of when your cat was around. It’s nothing to feel bad or ashamed about. Unfortunately it’s just something that happens.

I don’t know you personally so cannot really say why all of this is happening for you, but I really do hope that you aren’t being too hard on yourself and perhaps your Mum can share her memories of your cat with you. I’m sure she will have plenty of stories that she can share with you about you guys together, how you interacted, the fun times you had together. Just an idea!

I know that this isn’t really much of an answer to your question but I do hope that it has helped in some small way. Remember that unfortunately we cannot change the past but we can control how we deal with things in the present so try your best to be kind to yourself right now!

Please know that I am thinking of you and I am really sorry for your loss! Please also let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

Take care,

Lauren

#mha-lauren #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #🌼#loss of a pet #cat #unfamiliar #upset #mad

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groundramon · 7 years ago

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Homph I finished tri and I wrote down my thoughts as I was watching because I had too many funny shitposts and nobody to share them with bc charlie hasn’t watched tri yet

PS i wont be reblogging tri spoilers (besides MINOR stuff like, digivolutions of already confirmed digivolution lines or non-spoilery shitposts, but I’ll try to tag shitposts as #tri spoilers anyways [digivolutions specific to tri ill tag as well but not ones that were already basically confirmed]) for a while so ur safe here! I’m just gonna like everything/most things because then I can rb em to hisyaryumon lmao (also u should check out hisyaryumon....its me n charlie’s digimon blog)

EP 1:

- ok. alright. ok. good. they’re dealing with kari’s emotions now instead of just. nothing. ok. alright. cool. Still dont like how obscure/”artsy” they’re being with it, this is digimon not kagerou project, but ok.

- Also. I stand by tk and kari being one of the few good straight ships in digimon. just saying.

- kari: this is my fault... me: god damn it shut up you little brat also me: god relatable ALSO me: ill take whatever display of emotions i can get

- I love how nobody believes tai is dead like. They’re upset and worried but they’re also like “nah. he cant be. that fucking asshole just left us in our time of need” (actually only matt is the last one)

- Gabumon i would die for you also im crying and I think that’s the first time tri managed to make me fucking CRY

EP 2:

- I had thoughts but then the 02 kids happened and I entered another plane of reality. I don’t feel real right now

- the only one I can remember is evil!gennai being a dumbass and being like “SUFFER AND SQUIRM YOU PATHETIC HUMANS AS YOU FIGHT OVER THE LAST SEAT” 1. humans are KNOWN for their ability to care for others you dumb obvious fuck and 2. is. is the entire tube going? because that tube can fit too people if they squish. This isn’t a joke I’m serious it can.

- oh yeah also when i saw whomstever the fuck his name is (adult guy who i love but fuck names) and he was all bloodied i was like “its a cold day in hell when i see blood in digimon” (I think there was blood in an earlier ep but shh idc)

EP 3:

- didn’t nishijima start off as a fucking life coach to these kids. What the fuck he was supposed to help them find a career not emotionally scar them by bloodily dying in front of one of them

- im realizing that the reason hackmon was always in his cloak, in the shadows, standing still is that they cannot animate him in any normal position for the life of him. I drew him with better anatomy when i was 14 and didn’t have a tablet. No seriously, look:

I didn’t say it wasn’t bad, you guys are just underestimating how bad the anatomy on this poor creature is. Why cant ppl draw dracomon or hackmon correctly imma cry

- ordinemon has the best reaction faces

the best part about these two screenshots is that they literally cut one to the other, first the first one to the second one and then it cuts back to the first one. They were really proud of these stupid ass expressions.

- I started overcoming my dissociation shock from the second episode and my hypercritical mind was analyzing the shit out of everything that happened (it is Not happy) but then evil!gennai called kari and evil goddess and idk if he’s exaggerating to make her feel bad or if she’s literally a fucking god of chaos and destruction and either way im like

she did kinda like. Watch wizardmon die, watch tai die, watch gatomon get absorbed. The dark ocean is just a metaphor for depression and honestly if 02 wasn’t all over the fucking place I think Kari would’ve had some pretty decent development in it. Actually you know what, I’m using that as an angle to approach Tri at now, wish me luck bc i might actually give it more leeway now

EP 4:

- I’m not dissociating but I forgot to say anything again and I already forgot what happened

- Cant believe mei is fucking dead

EP 5:

- I like to imagine that Tai got there like a few minutes ago, but he was like “well damn guess yall figured it out without me. alright ill just. see if I need to do anything” and then meicoomon was Still Bad so he waited for when she struck just to make the most badass entrance possible. Fucking extra ass bitch

- I forgot to write anything again but uhhh I wasn’t satisfied so anyways lets just get into the Juicy Details

Originally I was actually planning to be kinder to Tri than I expected. Was very invested during it. ‘Round the end of the last ep I realized hmmm no this isn’t working out. Where are the 02 kids. You should’ve brought them in to save the day. That would’ve been SO cool and SO fun. Fucking cowards.

god I’m kinda tired so I’m going to address a couple things I still had problems with, note that this isn’t everything it’s just everything I felt comfortable yelling about without rewatching past eps. Like I forgot nishijima was all bloodied and presumably died in the last part until they brought it up and I was like “????” ALSO DID THE LADY WHO WAS HIS PARTNER OR W/E KILL HERSELF WITH THE GUN SHE FOUND, I JUST REALIZED LITERALLY AS I WAS TYPING THIS THAT SHE FOUND A GUN AND THEN I THINK IT CUT TO BLACK AND I’M

DID SHE FUCKING KILL HERSELF WHAT THE FUCK

anyways my problems:

1. They did joe. really dirty. I’ll write a more proper rant on this sometime later (mostly bc charlie is MUCH better at talking about joe than I am) but basically I can tell you that his character development in the movies squandered his OG character development. He’s basically an entirely different person. Like Tri joe isn’t bad, besides being largely neglected (yes he has a whole half a movie to himself, no that doesn’t make up for it all), its just...not OG joe. He’s a fine character just not the same character, and its NOT fine when you put the two together.

2. THEY DID THE 02 KIDS EVEN DIRTIER IM SO BITTER sorry you nostalgia-blind, money-hungry fucks at bandai, but the 02 cast is PART OF THE ADVENTURES UNIVERSE. The only people who hate 02 are ones who like the characters but hate the mess of the storyline at the end, or are completely irrational and elitist about their love of the digimon series and would greatly re-evaluate their opinions if they watched the original series and 02 back to back. They couldn’t even show them in some kind of group montage at the end??? Standing in the background when they call Mei??? Why couldn’t they call mei from a home phone also, but that’s a less important problem idc that much. It was a cute scene besides the lack of 02 characters. Whatever. AND THE PROBLEM IS LIKE kari and tk? This entire time??? Were like “oh they disappeared. oops” instead of being frantically searching for their lost friends??? Like i get tk and kari probably have fucking ptsd and can’t express any emotions because they watched important people die in front of their eyes at an incredibly young age but also 1. they didn’t address the ramifications of ptsd, so fuck that theory/excuse and 2. THAT??? WOULD ONLY MAKE THEM LOOK HARDER??? and put on a brave face as they look, but inside they’re so scared and so worried. Not just “oh sweet, they were found/saved, theyre in the hospital but that’s fine” like WHAT theyre fucking assholes if that’s what they’d canonically do lmao. God I am SO bitter over the ENTIRE thing with the 02 kids, it would’ve been BETTER if they were deleted from the fucking canon entirely. Would I have still been bitter? Yes. But at least I wouldn’t be madder at TK and Kari too.

3. I stand 100% by the notion that Digimon is not and will never be cut out to be an adults’ franchise. It wasn’t designed for adults, and it can’t be skewered towards adults. These particular characters were designed for kids to relate to and find entertaining. They do not work when placed into an adult setting. Like, can you imagine a character like Ed from FMA going to the Digimon world? I guess in a way that’s just Marcus but like. Just imagine the FMA cast in Digimon Adventure. It doesn’t work. Digimon Tri is basically that except real. Also Data Squad was darker than Adventure so my joke doesn’t even work.

I guess my primary point is that Tri isn’t mature enough of a setup for an adult audience. It puts a focus on being “complex” and “philosophical” instead of working within Digimon’s constraints and making something good and adult out of that. Like! Digimon is a fucking TOY COMMERCIAL. Don’t give me messages about the futility of human life. I want bad puns and emotional characters. That’s what Digimon has ALWAYS been, and ideally always will be. Tri could’ve made itself more mature by dealing with the ramifications of the Digital World’s events, how it affected the kids psychologically and dealing with healing old scars. It would’ve been a more mature take on a story we loved and would use things we loved about the story already - the fact that it took so much time exploring characters’ emotions and was surprisingly mature for the time - to make itself better. You need to take the aspects that drew adults to the show and amplify them, not just slap on a complex story and unfunny dialogue and be like “oh this is fine, right?”

It’s not that Digimon can’t exist as an adult property, its just that if it repeats what Tri did, it’s got no merit and in my eyes the franchise is dead. If it survives I guess I’ll be happy that people can still enjoy it but I find it unsustainable and unsatisfying to fans of the older series. Tri is just a fuckfest of highly specific nostalgia that tries too hard to appeal to old fans without capturing what made the original series so magical, and in part thats because the original series WASN’T FOR ADULTS. I don’t know about the Digimon Story games, bc they’re T-rated so perhaps they’re a better take on an adult Digimon story than Tri? But you either need to make your own characters and lore specifically for an adult-oriented Digimon season, or perish. Also, please make it a series and not a group of movies. Getting four eps every 6-9 months was hell.

I stand by saying Appmon is a more faithful Digimon season than Tri to Digimon’s original spirit. I believe it holds more potential for success than Tri and better embodies the spirit of the older Digimon seasons. It’s dumb, its corny, it has horrible puns, but I LOVE it because it also has a deep dark story and emotional moments. If you dislike Tri and you agree with things I said that make it unlikeable, I highly recommend giving Appmon a chance - if you watch a few episodes and think “oh yeah, I guess this is decent” you’re going to like it. It’s everything Digimon has always been and hopefully always will be, just with a different concept. And hopefully the end of the series doesn’t leave a sour taste in my mouth and I have to redact this statement haha since I’m not done with it yet, but I’ve heard good things about it so I’m hoping not so.

Overall, if you watch Tri, don’t get your hopes up. It resolves everything okay-ish but it’s a pretty forgettable anime on its own and simply doesn’t work as part of the Digimon franchise.

I am, however, pretty interested in what evil!gennai said at the end about Diaboromon and Daemon. It raises interesting questions about the timeline too. We know Daemon is in the dark ocean, so perhaps that’s a hint at a future project? (They did confirm a future project btw, in conjunction with tri being over) But what about Diaboromon? I dont believe that Our War Game (I think thats what its called?) took place after Tri, based on the outfits and ages and stuff, but I also don’t remember the movies that well. Could Diaboromon still be out there too? It’s interesting.

However, because of the lackluster performance of Tri, I don’t have my hopes up and I really hope that this “next project” goes in a different direction. Although I guess if they include the 02 kids, I’ll be somewhat less salty...

Side note, did they ever explain why the gennais went evil? Like ? That’s a pretty important thing. The gennais helped SAVE the human world in 02. And I get that apparently Tri is ignoring 02′s ending but still. It’s shitty, because Gennai was still a good guy in the original too (and also they cant just keep is younger look and act like 02 never happened) MAYBE its something I missed but I dont think so. God there’s just. So much wrong with Tri. I’m very displeased and very bitter and I wanna get back to Appmon asap.

It’s got good moments, its got bad moments, I dont know, I don’t care. There’s nothing wrong with you if you like it, there’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you flip flop and are split like me. I just wish Tri fulfilled its potential instead of becoming a boring mess.

#stormy speaks #digimon

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nothingneverforever · 5 years ago

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Yesterday (2019)

When I’d just seen the trailers and promo stuff for Yesterday, there was some great excitement in me. I loved The Beatles years ago, I mean, I really really loved them, I’ve got about 15 books on them, borrowed my mom’s credit card to shop online for DVDs of all their original movies when I was 14, etc etc, so Yesterday’s premise added up and seemed to look like something I’d enjoy: Danny Boyle, mysterious ultra-niche alternate reality in an otherwise utterly regular world, some kind of deadpan irony about the whole situation…

Then it came and went in cinemas and I never got down to seeing it. So I watched instead this film review by DazzReviews on Youtube, titled “Yesterday Missed A MASSIVE OPPORTUNITY (SPOILERS)”. It’s a short and simple analysis of key weaknesses of the film, being that its actual contents greatly pale in comparison to its great potential. Even without watching the film, I understood Dazz’s gripe because even seeing snippets of the film bored me. It is such a unique, and almost cute idea afterall: a blackout causing selective loss of memory in every single individual in this world (save for 3, later to be discussed) where post-blackout, The Beatles and other cultural/social phenomenon do not and have never existed. Our protagonist, who pre-blackout was a struggling singer/songwriter, then decides to release Beatles songs from his memory as his own, thus gaining global popularity and attracting immense adoration. It’s not novel, perhaps reminiscent of time-travel narratives idk, but it’s still fun right?

Yet even after watching this review video and understanding the film’s flaws and being able to imagine how disappointing the film would have been, watching it in full for myself was still an upsetting experience. Google tells me that Yesterday is of the ‘Drama/Fantasy’ genre, which gives me a good starting point for my critique: how utterly un-fantastical it is.

Our protagonist Jack Malik is LITERALLY the most vanilla, ungrateful, boring, not-alive, nothing-at-all, annoying, pathetically male (in terms of tantrum-throwing and ingratitude) character I have ever seen. None of this is hyperbolic, his character literally sucks so freakin much omfg, absolutely devoid of any redeeming or even remotely INTERESTING qualities at all. In fact save for maybe one scene (which I will talk about below), I don’t think there was another single second in the entire film where we saw him smiling. This is not to say that he’s portrayed as especially tortured or depressed in demeanor, merely to indicate his absolute dearth of warmth and personality.

Meanwhile, it becomes clear as the boring film progresses boringly that Yesterday is in fact nothing more than a love story. The cute Beatles twist is merely a device to show us how Jack and his “love interest” Ellie (inverted commas cos their love sucks omfg I cant imagine that ANYONE viewing it is convinced) were in fact meant to be, with Jack’s momentary superstardom existing to show him that all he ever wanted was his old life, the one with Ellie (even though they were never together because THEY ARENT EVEN MEANT TO BE IN THE FIRST PLACE OKAY….). But, just as Jack’s character itself is flawed and awfully written, our female protagonist Ellie is SOOOOOO early 2000s. Just think of the most typical stock supportive, sweet, pretty, unfailingly kind and patient female whose presence is taken for granted etc etc… So her stock sweetie pie female character coupled with the most unbelievably charmless and unlikable male character make for the most unshippable couple you could possibly imagine. We are supposed to be charmed by her obvious-to-everyone-except-him love for Jack, supposed to have our heartstrings tugged by the singular scene of teenage schoolgirl her standing by the wings of the stage with hearts in her eyes while teenage schoolboy him sings a most soulless rendition of Wonderwall but it literally does absolutely nothing. The means has not met the end! This is a grossly uninspiring love story and there is no fantasy whatsoever!!

Honestly how is this even a Danny Boyle product? But then again… Zhang Yimou, boasting the incredibly genius Raise the Red Lantern (1992) on his resume, also did The Great Wall (2016) so I guess even heroes have the right to bleed or even the best fall down sometimes or something. OMG WAIT I just googled the film again and not only is it directed by Danny Boyle but also written by Richard Curtis LOL wtfffffffffff okay this is the worst film ever seriously

Early on just after the global blackout thing, before Jack becomes the huge superstar that he does after his music (“his” music) is released into the world, when he first decides to use the songs of The Beatles, he is cajoled by his parents into performing for them in their humble living room. (by the way his parents are played by Sanjeev Bhaskar and Meera Syal who I have LITERALLY seen in about 1000 British TV shows and movies by now… idk maybe Yesterday was intended as a semi-ensemble cast film? Since there are other “appearances” by other known faces… ok whatever.) I guess this scene of him, superstar-to-be, sitting down at his piano in the claustrophobic living room with his parents exaggerating their domestic inclinations and comforts (by holding their cups of tea and settling themselves into their sofa-chairs etc) is meant to be comedic, we’re meant to laugh at how his parents have no idea the genius that is about to be released unto the stratosphere embodied by their all-great son Jack Malik, and it’s a predictable scene: his parents get disturbed by the bell and other things in the first 10 seconds of his performance, so Jack has to begin Let It Be 4 times over and never gets past a few lines… and okay, it’s funny because they are treating Jack’s “performance” as such because he has never before produced anything worthy of actual attention and has never performed in any manner that has demanded any respect given that he was an absolutely mediocre singer, but the scene is ruined by how Jack was written to have to react. Instead of taking it in his stride and recognizing that his parents are taking it so lightly because they have no idea how big the song is going to be because they have had no reason to expect anything great of him before, Jack throws a big fucking tantrum and asks why they cannot and have not respected the greatest song to ever be written etc etc… and okay, maybe this was intentional because we are to infer that Jack’s reaction is a projection of his own insecurities about releasing entirely unoriginal songs as his own, perhaps he has doubts about whether they would do as well as they did when The Beatles themselves released them, perhaps he has doubts that he is the right person to do this at all, anxieties and fears about being able to get away with it all… Sure, but I don’t want to give the writers the benefit of this doubt. If I were to watch the scene with my eyes and ears and not my brain, all I’d see is a dumbass manchild with a temper and ego problem incapable of accepting responsibility for the decisions he’s made, plus being unnecessarily cruel and disrespectful to his simple parents who want only to support him, if superficially. Basically, he’s dumb and the worst protagonist you’d want for a romcom.

But let it not be said that I am an extremist with my views: there was one sub-plot that showed promise and that made me think perhaps there was more to this film than the nothingness it had conveyed hitherto. When Jack played in Moscow, as an opening act for Ed Sheeran, we saw the haunting face of a large man in the crowd, carrying a knowing look in his eyes. It gave us a great sense of unease, seeing his concerned face contrasted with the throng of pretty girls screaming their hearts out (you know, à la “Moscow girls make me sing and shout”). Then later we see an English lady (played by the iconic amazing Sarah Lancashire who I know and love so so much from Happy Valley), who like the Russian man, carries the same speculation in her sharp eyes, as she sees Jack manically making his way through Liverpool, visiting key landmarks like Eleanor Rigby’s grave, Strawberry Fields, Penny Lane etc because, as she says to him later, “you cant write songs about places you’ve never been to”. So anyway, this odd pairing make up the only 2 other known humans in the world who for unexplained reasons also remember the existence of The Beatles, and thus recognize that Jack’s positioning of the entire Beatles discography as his own original work to be fraudulent.

So we as audiences who hardly care for this dumbass Jack but have still held on to some hope that the film would bring us some element of surprise and karma for this annoying fraud (whose singing voice by the way is literally the most forgettable ever), we would have loved nothing more than for Jack to face the sound of music (as Mother Mary comes to him). But instead of, I dunno, chopping his head off or outing him to the world, the mysterious duo thank him for bringing their much beloved Beatles songs back into the world, the whole who has forgotten them. They thank him for doing justice to the memory of the greatest band of all time, and together the duo and Jack dance and cheer in a side room minutes before Jack goes out to perform for the biggest crowd he’s ever played to. It’s just… lame and not even a satisfying easy way out. Oh remember above when i said there was literally only about one scene of Jack smiling, this was it. And he only smiled because obviously he was relieved at not having his secret revealed to the world by these two..... ughhh WE DONT WANT TO SEE YOU HAPPY!! WE HATE U!!

Okay haha I shall end this as I do all my other ‘reviews’… by saying that I’m lazy already and cant really be bothered to continue but shall conclude by proclaiming that this film sucked… not in a remotely camp or quiet or interesting manner either. It was just boring and bad and of great disrespect to the music of The Beatles.

-------------------

Omg I have just attempted to read some actual reviews of this film and some actually think it’s ‘charming’ and ‘surprisingly moving’ and that the leads have ‘chemistry’………….. that’s literally the fakest thing I’ve ever heard lol bye bye!

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narcisbolgor-blog · 7 years ago

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Russell Simmons, Geraldo Rivera, and the Bad Men Doomed By Their Own Big Mouths

The season of outing sexual abusers apparently has its own advent calendar. Every day theres a new sickening story or object to fixate on: Harvey Weinsteins white robe, the button underneath Matt Lauers desk, Roy Moores signature in a high school yearbook.

While some details are unforgettable, its hard to remember the names and faces of every sexual abuser. One Bad Man bleeds into another, apology after apology. The hours or days in between become just ellipses. Everyone respects women greatly. Everyone is taking time to work on themselves. Some remember more than others. They deny it until they dont. Amidst this barrage of sordid details and empty sentiments, one reassuring, even darkly comic pattern is starting to emerge.

On Thursday, screenwriter Jenny Lumet published an account of a non-consensual sexual interaction with Russell Simmons. After describing her assault (my word, not hers) in vivid detail, Lumet writes, I dont recall ever meeting any of the women who have spoken out against you, Russell. But I cant leave those women twisting in the wind.Maybe the recalling of this incident can be helpful. Lumets accusation follows a separate allegation of sexual assault and harassment made by model Keri Claussen Khalighi. Khaligi recalled Simmons forcing her to perform oral sex and then penetrating her against her will in the shower. Brett Ratner was also allegedly present.

Khaligi, who was 17 years old at the time, told Megyn Kelly, Russell and I have actually had a face-to-face confrontation around this, weve had phone conversations, where we have had a conversation about what happened, where there was no dispute of what we were talking about. She continued, Part of what is so confusing and retraumatizing is what he is speaking about privately with me, is completely different than what has come out publicly, she said, adding that she found Simmons statements in the wake of her allegations really, really upsetting, disappointing and quite honestly, just repugnant.

In one of his denials, Simmons wrote, In my case, three witnesses [Anthony McNair and two anonymous witnesses] havesigned statementsthat our experiences that weekend with Keri Claussen Khalighi 26 years ago were consensual. My longtime loathing of any form of violence and abuse has been woven into all of my personal interactions, as most who know me will attest. He continued, I never committed any acts of aggression or violence in my life. I would never knowingly cause fear or harm to anyone. For any women from my past who I may have offended, I sincerely apologize. I am still evolvingI remain an activist for women's rights and all things unjust.

For Lumet, Simmons apparent hypocrisy was the last straw; ultimately, it wasnt his repugnant actions, but his insistence that hes been a feminist ally all along that spurred her to action. According to The Hollywood Reporter, The letter prompted Jenny Lumet, an award-winning screenwriter (Rachel Getting Married, The Mummy), the daughter of filmmaker Sidney Lumet, and granddaughter of singer/activist Lena Horne, to pen a response detailing her own experience with Simmons. Simmons wrote that he would never knowingly cause fear or harm to anyone. Lumet countered, remembering the time he offered to give her a ride only to tell his driver no the two times when she asked to be taken to her own apartment. She wrote, You didnt punch me, drag me or verbally threaten me. You used your size to maneuver me, quickly,into the elevator. I said Wait. Wait.I felt dread.I was very, very sad.I didnt know if the driver was a further threat, or an ally. I was both relieved and terrified when he did not get into the elevator. Alone in the elevator, you pressed me into the corner with your body, your hands and your mouth.

In response to Lumets stunning testimony, Simmons swiftly issued a statement stepping down from his various business roles. While Simmons insisted that Lumets memory of that evening is very different from mine, his decision to step aside and commit myself to continuing my personal growth is a far cry from his still-recent response to Khalighis claims. Initially, Simmons cited witnesses in an attempt to discredit Khaligi. Now, after Lumets letter, Simmons seems to be realizing that a full denial just wont cut it. Thanks to the combined power of Khaligi and Lumets statements, Simmons has gone from a self-described womens rights activist and highly evolved yogi to a former CEO.

In her decision to come forward, Lumet cites a noble desire to validate and support other survivors. But her gut urge to take down a self-righteous hypocrite is one other women will doubtlessly relate to. While many men are finally suffering for their past misdeeds, its their present-day actions that often seal their fates. It turns out, women really dont like hearing their rapists brag about their personal growth/nascent feminism while attempting to diminish or deny their sexual misconduct. In fact, some women have such a low tolerance for lying abusers that these statements actually push them to go public.

For a similar timeline, consider the allegations against Jeremy Piven. The actor faced multiple allegations, with one woman accusing him of groping her on the set of Entourage, and another alleging some form of misconduct, writing, I know what you did and attempted to do to me when I was far too youngAnd you know it too. Unless there were so many of us, that you cant remember. Next, Tiffany Bacon Scourby went public, telling People that Piven had sexually assaulted her. She also said it was Pivens denials of the two previous allegations that convinced her to come forward. Scourby said, It couldnt have just happened to me and couldnt have just happened to her. Piven, undaunted by the multiple accusations, continues to insist that he is innocent, even offering to take a polygraph test. We seem to be entering dark timesallegations are being printed as facts and lives are being put in jeopardy without a hearing, due process or evidence, Piven wrote in a statement. I hope we can give people the benefit of a doubt before we rush to judgement.

While you could argue that these accusations would come out one way or another, theyre often a direct response either to overt denials or perceived hypocrisy. Just take one of Al Frankens accusers, a woman who shared on social media that the senator groped her. Men should be held to the same standards regardless of their politics, she wrote. Hes an imperfect messenger for a progressive platform. He cant claim to be for women and also grope them.

Heres another pattern: man weighs in with unsolicited opinion on sexual assault, harassment, and/or the allegations against another man. Man gets outed as a sexual abuser himself. Every time a white knight gallops onto Twitter, it feels like its only a matter of time until a woman claps back with a damning story. When Ben Affleck issued a (late) statement condemning Harvey Weinsteins actions, a Twitter user commented that Affleck also grabbed Hilarie Burton's breasts on TRL once. Everyone forgot though, prompting Burton herself to respond, I didn't forget. The subsequent addition to Afflecks timelinean apology to Burton just one day after denouncing Weinsteins behavior as completely unacceptabletold a stunning story in just two tweets. Think of it as the other shoe dropping, except its a pointed-toe stiletto, and its kicking you in the nuts.

While Affleck was pressured to weigh in on his long-time collaborator, many men feel the need to opine for no reason at all. Specifically, Im referring to the men who dont see a personal history of sexual misconduct as an impediment to sharing their Very Smart Thoughts. Most recently, Fox News host Geraldo Rivera went off on an ill-advised Twitter rant in response to Matt Lauers firing at NBC. Sad about @MLauer great guy, highly skilled & empathetic w guests & a real gentleman to my family & me, Rivera wrote. News is a flirty business & it seems like current epidemic of #SexHarassmentAllegations may be criminalizing courtship & conflating it w predation.

While the Fox News host subsequently apologized, his passionate statements led to the circulation of an old Barbara Walters interview, in which Bette Midler recalled Rivera and his crew drugging and groping her. If Rivera hadnt spoken out, it seems unlikely that Midlers story would have gone viral. Again and again, men are brought down by their own Achilles heel: an inability to stop offering unsolicited opinions. On Tuesday, Garrison Keillor defended Al Franken in a Washington Post op-ed titled, Al Franken should resign? Thats absurd. The next day, Keillor was fired from Minnesota Public Radio in response toyou guessed itallegations of inappropriate behavior.

Even before this current #MeToo moment, bad men have gotten owned for performing their allyship online. When now-disgraced movie critic Devin Faraci tweeted about Trumps infamous Access Hollywood tape, one of his alleged victims, Caroline (whose last name has been withheld for privacy) decided that she was fed up with her former abusers feminist tweets. Quick question, she replied on Twitter. Do you remember grabbing me by the pussy and bragging to our friends about it, telling them to smell your fingers? Caroline told The Daily Beast that her public accusation was really very much about telling my own story and directing it to him so he knew I knew he was at best ignoring what hed done or at worst being totally disingenuous.

Watching men being ousted by the women they wronged is a beautiful thing, but watching men ruin their own lives by refusing to shut up might be the most beautiful thing of all.

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christianmarkchristian · 6 years ago

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N A K E D in H O L L Y W O O D

my autobiography, to be published daily or weekly, AS IT IS WRITTEN.

BEYOND SELF PUBLISHING: this is a 100% OPEN BOOK PROJECT

-where I publish (share) AS (not after) I write, allowing readers to experience not just an autobiography but the experience of WRITING the autobiograpy as well.

on TUMBLR will be the BOOK in progress and eventualy, finished.

on FACEBOOK will be daily or weekly chapters/installments.

____________________________________________________________

PART 1

WHY WRITE AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY? Of course, its about the life of Christian Mark Christian but I intend to go into deeper themes as well:

1. God. If you are averse to God or Judaeo-Christian concepts about God, I hope you will not be “put off” by occasional references I will have to make in the course of remembering my life. My plan is not to be IN YOUR FACE about God but spiritual seeking has always been a huge part of my life and to omit this part would be to make the whole story a big lie.

2. VALUE - how we value our lives and our identity is critical to me and my development as a man. There is a fine line between thinking we are “so great that someone needs to write a book about us” and “our lives dont matter.” I have struggled GREATLY my whole life with feelings that my life isnt important, that I dont matter, that Ive been rejected and abandoned. Writing this will be the greatest therapy I can imagine. Writing this is telling myself, reminding myself, that I AM IMPORTANT and SO ARE YOU.

3. Autobiography in the age of Interactivity. I’m not sure how many projects like this have been published online or in print but the thought occured to me that an autobiography can be, for the first time in history, more than a “book;” it can be an interactive EXPERIENCE. I can include links in my writing that take the reder to the places I am referencing.

4. “To know is to love.” Honestly one thing that has always frustrated and disappointed me is that I feel like many or even MOST people “dont get me.”

Too often I hear the word “weird” to describe me, when I would prefer to hear “unique” or “unusual.” I really am not even a fan of the word “eccentric.”

Was Steve Jobs “weird?” Was Van Gogh “weird.”? Is Elon Musk “weird?”

My feeling is that “weird” is considered a negative connotation or description, one I do not want and one that is hurtful when used to describe me. I dont feel like anyone who really knows me would ever call me “weird.” So,one huge function of this book is to eradicate the word “weird” as a description of Christian Mark Christian, once and for all and replace it with UNIQUE or RARE.

Yeah, through no choice of my own, I’ve endured some things that are not typical of most lives.

My dad’s suicide and that, co-inciding with the loss, at the same time, (divorce) of my Step-Dad.

Millions have lost a Dad or a step dad through divorce or suicide but not as many have suffered both losses in the same year.

Genius level IQ at age 7.

Grew up around the world.

Shared a 2-bedroom apartment with my Mom, until I got married at age 44.

Living with my ex-wife in an apartment in Hollywood, in an effort to heal and reconcile.

Yeah-these are not typical of todays American “man”. I’m not “proud” of these things; nor am I ashamed of these things; I never planned on my life going the way it did.

Regardless-when I became a Christian, at age 36,when I was “Born again,” I Iearned that God (if you choose to believe) “makes all things new” and “uses everything-even negative things, for eventual and ultimate good.”

Regardless of the pain and tragedy I’d experienced, I was taught that it would all be used in a positive way, in time.

Maybe this BOOK is that “positive way.” Maybe some who can relate will get a degree of emotional healing by reading; thats certainly my hope.

But “to know is to Love.” I feel confident that many of my friends, in reading this book, will get to know me much better and in that, will be able to love me more. And who doesnt want to be loved.... and loved some more?

____________________________________________________________

part I

I was a second and final son, born seven years after my brother, into a USAF family, in Altus, Oklahoma. WWII was far enough behind but had left scars on my pilot Dad's psyche.

James (Jim) Charles Ralph, my Dad, dreamed of being an artist/illustrator for Foote, Cone & Belding, a top advertising agency. His creative dreams were cut short when the US let go of an isolationist foreign policy, geared up for war and he was drafted as a 19 year old, into the skies over his ancestral homeland (Germany.)

As I understand it, Pearl Harbor "woke" us to the need to become involved again in foreign wars. Isolationist foreign policy would become a relic of the past; we quickly entered a war on several continents.

Dad had grown up in Glendale, CA. a suburb that has since become a major Armenian cultural enclave in L.A. Ironic that I sit here typing this around eighty years later--a few miles west in another little enclave (part of Hollywood) officially called "Little Armenia." It really shows me that the themes and threads and patterns of life are stronger than we might think. In my case, I’ve been told that the Apple hasnt fallen far from the tree.”

Armenia was, historically, the first place in the world where the name "Christian" was used to denote a follower of Christ. My primary care physician is Armenian and I am friends with several Armenians, so there seems to be a connection here, maybe one that will be explored in more depth as I write this...

-or maybe not.

The marriage was tempestuous. Jim, returning from the war and stationed at McDill AFB in Tampa, was driving a convertible and, the story goes, saw my Mom, Terry-a pretty young teen who modeled fashions for a local Department store. He was a handsome "flyer" or "Airman" and she fell for him, unaware of a Church background that would eventually drive a wedge between her his family.

My paternal Grandmother, Carolyn Care, was a devout "Christian Scientist” as my Aunt still is, at age 90-something.

She would insist that my Mom, who was a typical American mainstream Protestant Christian, submit to her and the Churches doctrine. "Science" is about the idea that all things are merely the projection of "mind" and that evil or sickness cant exist unless we agree with it and "project" it (wrongful thinking) on ourselves. I always questioned this growing up. Even at a young age, I sensed something about it I had trouble with. Later, as an adult who accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior through various “Word of Faith” ministries, I saw that there was at least partial truths in “Science” even though I still could not follow Mary Baker Eddy’s doctrine in it’s entirety.

Apparently, several months pregnant with me, my Mom contracted pnuemonia or a similar ailment. Carolyn insisted that Terry not see the physician at the Altus Air Force base hospital but turn to a "Christian Science" practitioner instead. Rebelling finally, my Mom went to see the doctor at the base. He supposedly told her that, had she waited even another day, she might have lost the baby (me.)

Only a few years later, at a Base in San Antonio, Texas, the troubled marriage fell apart with my Mom falling in love with my Pediatrician. I had asthma, most likely something that was brought on by the stress of my parents troubled marriage and she routinely brought me to see him at the base. Regardless of whether I chose to make these things a focus or no

t, they did shape who I choose to be today. I was raised from age 6-7 to 18, by a Pediatrician step-Dad (with my Mom) but my Paternal families Christian Science also had a strong influence on my thinking.

It was an incredible duality and one I'm doubtful that many (or any?) others have experienced: a parental control and influence struggle between the ideals of Big pharm/modern medicine and "christian science," between the medical establishment and the "alternative healing" movements that originated in Christian metaphysical camps in19th century America.

Today, Health Care is probably the biggest debate in America. And the debate rages around the same two poles- alternative healing vs traditional medicine. Having deep experiential knowledge of both, puts me in a very unique position. Seeking, finding and practicing right doctrine ("righteousness") is central to my life and you can see why: wrong doctrine might have aborted me before I was born. RIght doctrine might have saved my life. The truth about God, his Love and his healing power, is not just "armchair theology" or something I engage in on special Holidays; its always at the core of every decision I make, every day of my life.

PART II

After surviving my Moms sickness and coming into this world as "Mark James Ralph," my first memory of infancy comes from our two story home in Cambridge, UK. where we moved when I was about 2?

My Dad was stationed at Alconbury AFB, about 25 miles away from Cambridge. I actually remember climbing out of my 2nd floor crib and crawling down the stairs, into the living area where my parents and 8 or 9 yr old brother were gathered!

Eventually I started walking and my best friend, a Brit, Andrew lived across the street.

We lived near open land where some Cows lived. I remember a Harvester machine that was called a “Combine” for some reason that I dont know. I guess seeing it up close-the machinery, the complexity, the sheer power. The blades and the wheat being “threshed”. -All biblical themes, impressed me greatly...

We lived in a suburb of Cambridge, near some farmland and near a stand of trees called "the woods."

My first "naked" (sexual) experiences were in Cambridge. I saw a male cow on the other side of the fence I was standing by, attempting to mate, jump up on top of a female cow. I was only a few feet away, on the other side of the fence--what the male cow did was so sudden, so unexpected and seemed -I dont have the word for it- not "brutal" (because it was "love" but invloved thousands of pounds of weight and muscle that could have killed a small child had I been involved!) but maybe just “alarming.” I was only about 4 or 5.

Now I’m going to bring up some very personal, private things that most people only reveal to their therapist. They may or may not end up in the final edit however I feel obligated, because of the name of the book-obligated to include them here...

I also initiated a "curious" childhood intimate encounter with Andrew in my bathroom at that time. I mention this only to bring up the topic of gay indocrination. I have no idea why, to this day but this "gay" encounter did not result in my growing up gay.

A few years later, in Wichita Falls, Texas, I initiated another "curious" encounter with a girl my age. We knelt down beside the wheel well of a car in the parking lot of our Apt complex, "TheTimbers" in the dark, at night, where I lifted her skirt to investigate her private parts.

She seemed to go along with it; at least there were no protests, as there had been none with Andrew. Apparently, I preferred the "female" more than the male because I never again had a sexual encounter with a male. Interesting that I remember Andrews name but not the girls name! Is this kind of thing just wired into our DNA? I think so.

I'm not sure what this says about the "born gay" issue but there it is... The result (I think) of these encounters, was this: even as a very young child, I had strong sexual urges which I had no trouble acting on when the opportunity arose. I dont remember sexual feelings ever becoming obsessive ( a good thing) but they were for sure there.

On another note, I remember walking off with Andrew (I think) into the local "woods." Woods is a cool name that has returned as the Church (M O S A I C) I attend locally uses the word in place of "Hollywood." They have several Campuses and use the term "The Woods" for the Hollywood Campus.

Andrew and I apparently, around age 4-5? decided to go on a hike into the woods one day, without telling anyone. My parents (not sure about his) were pretty upset. When I returned, they were happy I was safe. I never did anything so "adventurous" again. I think that was because I didnt want my parents to be so stressed.

I also remember a somewhat traumatic event around the time I was in my crib: my brother had caught a minnow, in a local stream. He had kept it in a jar aqaurium placed on my windowsill. The disturbing thing was that the fish jumped out of its "cage" (the jar) one day and out the window, falling two stories to its death on the concrete (or something hard) surface below.

By age 4 or 5, I had already seen and/or experienced both sex and death. Hollywood, here I (decades later) came.

Part III

Ahhh, England. I have such fond memories of the years I spent there as a child-truly formative years and I am so deeply thankful that my formative years were spent there. To my best recollection, I spent my 2nd, 3rd and 4th years in Cambridge.

When I began to speak (at a precocious young age) I spoke with an English accent. I remember my Mom dropping me off at "Shrubbery School" for the first time and the fear of abandonment I felt.I remember my first teacher, a wonderful Lady named "Mrs Clark" and how I related that to a candy bar that existed around that time, known as a "Clark Bar."

My Mom dropped my off in our English Sports car-I think it was red, a "Sunbeam Alpine." That car was shipped all the way to Texas eventually and my Mom kept it even through her divorcing my Dad. Cambridge was rich with experience and wonder. I cant imagine a more perfect place for my early years and it left a deep appreciation for Brits in my soul, still there to this day. I would go so far as to even call myself an "Anglophile."

At school, we memorized the multiplication tables and began to learn the alphabet-at age 4! When we moved to San Antonio, TX, -when I was five-the school system there wanted to place me in Kindergarten!

Thank god for the Mt Olive Lutheran School (off the 410 "loop") -where my parents eventually enrolled me. They were still not as advanced as Shrubbery School back in Cambridge, did but at least a better option than public schools.

My mind is flooded with lush beautiful imagery from Cambridge:

-my Mom riding horseback in the countryside with her Horse riding club

(and how later that might have played a factor in two girls I was attracted to and a novel "Diana" that affected me deeply in my teens)

-My brother Christopher playing "conker" with Chestnuts tied to sholeaces! (only the brits would devise a game like this!)

-My brother relating a Jaguar or some other sports car "flying" by his school at some increditble speed. The drama and awe with which he related this formed in me an early apprecation for fast cars,one which has continued to this day.

The "punts" on the Cam river and the gorgeous Colleges in Cambridge, that all seemed to be named after Jesus or Mary!

When I hear Christians acting as though the intellect isnt important now, I cringe. Cambridge was the birthplace of intellectualism and Christian thought. C.S. Lewis lived and worked there. Christianity is the most advanced culture of philosophy and Academic systems. The fact that atheism largely eradicated these roots in the 20th Century is a very sad thing indeed and something I hope my life can be part of reversing. For Centuries, being a Christian and being an intellectual, a thinker, were synonomous. While I appreciate experiential knowledge and mysticism, lets not throw out suc a glorious inheritance so easily.

."http://histclo.com/country/eng/pe/pe60johnsc.html

NOTES for more stories to come: 1. B-day in St Tropez, the large round tray of raosted nuts, possible topless female sunbathers. The back seat of the VW bug, winding through the mountains in South of France, then LifeCycling through the area as an adult working out "Spinning" Berchtesgarden, the Bus, the rock thrown down the cliff into the forest, the rock that broke something...My brother and the Jaguar going 100. Shrubbery School, the rubbish can, "conquer" nut game with chestnuts. My brothers weird hobby of using sewing kits to lower things out hotel windows, then later doing the same to recover bottle caps in San Antonio. The possibility of this project being a catalyst for restoring my relationship with my brother and even step-Dad. How God restores family. The "punts" on the river Cam, Wimpy Burges and Brits eating burgers with knife and fork. How I envisined "the states" and in my mind saw a Giant "steak. The pass-through window-a first architectural design feature. My first bike, how I copied Andrew and the bike had front wheel brakes, how we'd ride around the block. Snow, and my first snowman, snowball fights.going w my family into some woods where my Dad chopped down a Christmas tree. First Christmas's. Alconbury AFB, the hangar. I was impressed and it made my Dad look so cool. I felt bad that he had to drive 25 miles, that seemed so far. Our trips to London. FIsh & Chips. Sightseeing, the trains. The White cliffs of Dover. My favorite TV show about the creatures that lived on the banks fo the river.

Highlights of a life well and not so well, lived:

Lived in or visited: the UK, Germany, The Netherlands, Belgium, Texas, MS, NorCal, FLA, DC, Virginia, West VA, New Orleans, AZ, New Mexico, Austria, Switzerland, Denmark, France. HIGHLIGHTS:

Celebrated my 4th B-day in the South of France. Crossed the English Channel age, 12 on a Hover craft

Visited (Hitler’s lair in Berchtesgarden) age 4.

Visited Monticello (Jefferson’s home) age 4

Crossed the Atlantic in a commercial Airliner several times, aged 4-14.

Skied in the Swiss Alps and Lake Tahoe, age 10-12.

Lived in a Penthouse on the Rhine river, age 11-12.

Rode the train from Wiesbaden to Stuttgart, Germany age 12.

Visited Castles on the Rhine river, age 11-13.

Flew, as 10 yr old passenger, in a small Cessna, from San Diego to Tampa.

Rode or drove from the South or Texas, to CA, several times age 10-30’s.

Crossed the Pacific (Hawaii) as an adult.Vacationed in Maui, Palm Springs, Santa Barbara, Switzerland, The Netherlands, London, Paris.

Attended several F1 “Grand Prix” races around Europe and Long Beach, CA and Autosports events, age 8-12, Around America. Won several non-pro autosports trophies, age 20-22. Won #1 Singles (Tennis) MVP Trophy in High School, age 18.

Got to State Finals on HS Tennis team age 18.

Won several 1st place ribbons in Biloxi, MS Art Shows, age 17.

Was offered Art Scholarship to Ole Miss University, age 18.

Paid $5000 to write a Greek Comedy movie script (Middle Age)

Twice paid $5000 to paint oil portraits (Middle Age)

Starred in a Prime Time major News Network Reality Show (one episode) (Middle Age)

Enjoyed hundreds of hikes in Griffith Park and other local trails. (Middle Age)

Had two jobs as live-in Private Chef in a $1.5M luxury Homes (Middle Age) in the Hills, in L.A.

Was hired by Ben Affleck, given my own trailer and worked on an Oscar winning film (ARGO, as on-camera hand double/sketch artist) Middle Age. As a visionary: saw self driving cars, in 2002, mobile hands free phones in 1995, “Gravity” script, in the 1980’s, MTV music videos, at age 12, years before MTV, the Hyperloop in 1995. Written 12 feature film “spec” scripts (Young-Middle Age) Married 11 years, divorced and re-established financial trust with my ex wife, now close friends and writing partners with her. Have experienced total melt-down/destruction of a marriage and the total rebuilding of that friendship. Have been friends with a few celebs. (actors, singers) Partied in Hollywood clubs and luxury homes, all over Los Angeles, hundreds of times. 25--Middle age Attended numerous Pop Music or Rock concerts at almost every venue all over Los Angeles. Age 12-Middle Age Interviewed on a West L.A. Sound stage, along with 5 of my paintings, for a SHOWTIME 35 mm film doc on Marilyn Monroe that Premiered at the Palm Springs Int. Film Festival, age-30’sAttended the Premiere of that Film, in Palm Springs, where I enjoyed minor, fleeting celebrity status.My art appeared once, in PEOPLE magazine.

30’sI enjoyed backstage at a MOODY BLUES concert at Universal Amphitheater.

20’sI had a Publicist for my Art -30’s.

I’ve had front-row box seats at the Hollywood Bowl. Middle AgeI

met the Great-grandson of the founder of Hollywood. Middle age

I’ve visited or worked on, every major studio lot in Los Angeles and Hollywood. Young-Middle AgeI’ve enjoyed beaches in Maui, Los Angeles, Northern California, Mississippi, Florida and The Netherlands. 4-Middle Age I attempted to surf in Malibu. 20’s Been to Art Museums all over the world, including numerous visits to the Getty in Brentwood. 4-Middle Age Helped my architect brother flip homes many times in Los Angeles. 20’sDesigned many residences as an Architecture student/aspiring architect, in High School. Designed and contracted a hip, post-modern Silver Lake Laundry to Bathroom conversion, in budget. Middle Age Enjoyed hundreds of great shoulder/full body/foot massages Young-Middle age Swam in secluded pools on Maui -Middle AgeHad amazing revelatory spiritual experiences as a Christian 20’s-Middle Age. Attended/Worshipped Jesus at almost 20 different Church locations all over Los Angeles over 1000 times since 1993. Studied every major religion in depth 20’s-Middle Age. Sold almost 200 original paintings. 20’s Middle Age Had several one-man shows at Cacao, a popular West L.A. Coffee shop, owned by the Designer of iconic BigFoot Lodge in Atwater Village. 30’sCurated several group shows at Cacao. 30’s Participated in several ground breaking group show/parties at the infamous Black Cat Gallery in Mar Vista. Middle Age Been paid as: Photographer, Designer, Contractor, Writer, Musician, Oil Portraitist, Organizer and Chef. 12-Middle Age Worked on almost 200 professional movie, TV or commercial sets in a variety of positions. Middle Age Written, Directed and Produced several low budget short films and/or videos. Middle Age Created authentic food from many international cuisines. 30’s Middle Age Enjoyed about $5000-$10,000 in the finest restaurant cuisine in L.A., New Orleans, Germany, the Netherlands and France. 4-Middle age Briefly co-owned, with my then-wife, a catering company which catered several events. Middle Age Briefly co-owned, with a friend, a failed Hollywood event company. Middle Age.

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