#her songs are the first few bunch in the oc’ fantasy playlist I have on Spotify

[minty-sweet-art]

Fun fact: ghost mom oc I mentioned in a text post within the tags Actually died twice that is why she a ghost now after all.

[mareyshelley]

Since we’re 20 days into August, how about 1-20 of the writers ask meme?!?!?!?! #imtheworst 😄

This is madness, let’s do it.

1. Favourite place to write.Anywhere I can get comfy and either put my feet up or curl up with a blanket.

2. Favourite part of writing.All. Of. It. I love having an idea and being able to bring that to life.

3. Least favourite part of writing.I don’t really have a part I don’t like. It can be frustrating if a scene isn’t working, but then I work around it and it’s fun again.

4. Do you have writing habits or rituals?Not really? I do like playing some music, usually something with the right lyrics or sound/feel for what I’m writing. So I’ll stick on a playlist to write, but that’s about it.

5. Books or authors that influenced your style the most.It depends on the kind of story I want to write. I think every book/author I’ve read and enjoyed rubs off on me, but then some influence me more if I want to write something in that vein. Poe’s one of my favourite writers, but he only tends to influence my Victorian/Edwardian and more Gothic stories. He influenced The Image of Her more than anything.

6. Favourite character you ever created.I have a bunch for original works, but my favourite OCs from a fic are Azrael and Pruflas from this Lucifer series. I like Herz too but he’s a dick, so.

7. Favourite author.Edgar Allan Poe. That’s why my URL’s Mary Shelley. Recently I’ve been reading Erin Morgenstern and Brandon Sanderson, if you want more recent (and living) authors.

8. Favourite trope to write.The Monster Within. It’s my favourite of all the Gothic Tropes™ and I use it a lot. It’s like Jekyll and Hyde or Frankenstein and the creature.It’s the idea of, instead of the monster being an outside threat (as in regular horror) the monster is our own creation, something that comes from within us. In The Image of Her, Belle thinks the threat might come from the creepy old house itself, or the servants who’re never around, or the ghost boy, or her Byronic husband, but Surprise! Turns out she was the scary thing all along. In Lovelier Colours is a bit more obvious. It’s told from the POV of vampires who literally kill people. But are they really monsters? When you get a character’s POV, if it’s done right, you get to know them as a person. Is this old-fashioned, love-sick fool really a monster? (Yes, he kills people.) But is he really when he went to such lengths to save the woman he loves? (Yes.)Echoing Hearts is more subtle, but it still has this. Belle has a darkness of her own that speaks to her and tells her to do awful things. She’s literally hanging out with the Darkest Dark One to Ever Dark, Wish!Rumple, but he isn’t telling her to do anything bad. All of that comes from within Belle herself.Anyway, it’s my favourite trope and you’ll never stop me from talking about it or writing it.

9. Least favourite trope to write.I don’t really have an answer for this. If I don’t like a trope, I don’t write it.

10. Pick a writer to co-write a book with and tell us what you’d write about.I Choose You. It’d probably have some Beauty and the Beast element and be historical, maybe with a hint of fantasy. I’m thinking Edwardian. With magic. The main guy has to have a scar. There’s no reason for that. I just want it. That’s the setting and one (1) character. That’s all you’re getting. I can’t do all the work.

11. Describe your writing process from scratch to finish.I get an idea. I start writing the idea. I make notes on where I want the characters and plot to go, as I’m still writing the idea. I make a Table and plot out the idea as I’m writing it. I finish writing part of the idea, and I make you read it, and then I reread the idea. Then the idea is done. That’s it. I write it from start to finish. Sometimes I’ll have an idea for future scenes, or I’ll suddenly get an idea for a bit of dialogue or narrative for an upcoming part, but I never write out a full chapter until the one before it is finished. It’s easier to write stuff in order so I know where the characters and relationships are.

12. How do you deal with self-doubts?I don’t. I let it build up and try to ignore it until I can’t anymore and end up dying inside.

13. How do you deal with writers block?I don’t really get it. If I’m unsure of what to write next for a story, I just move to a different WIP and that usually helps. But I never just… can’t write anything at all.

14. What’s the most research you ever put into a book?I don’t do a lot of research for fantasy stories, but if I’m writing a period piece, then that’s when I’ll do the most research. And I’ll research stuff I don’t even need to research. I get distracted doing that and 84% of what I learn doesn’t even get used in the story.

15. Where does your inspiration come from?I wish I knew. Inspiration comes when I’m not looking for it. It can come from reading something else, or even writing something else. It could come from listening to a particularly good song, or when I’m forcing myself to come up with an idea because gdi I will write a Mermaid AU if it kills me. The inspiration for those ideas comes when I just start asking questions. What kinda setting do I want? If it’s a fanfic, which version of Rumple do I want to upset this time? Etc.

16. Where do you take your motivation from?I guess my motivation just comes from the fact that I love writing. I love literature. I read all the time. I study it. I always want to write, even when I’m tired or feel Not Good. Loving it is all the motivation I need.

17. On average, how much writing do you get done in a day?There isn’t really an average. It depends on my current WIPs, my mood, how busy that day is, the scene I have to write. On a good day I can do maybe 1k words, or just a few hundred on a bad day. As long as I’ve done something, I’m happy.

18. What’s your revision or rewriting process like?I put the old thing that I wanna revise/rewrite/kill in a 2x1 table, then I read through that as I rewrite it. So the old piece and the new piece are next to one another, and I can copy and paste from the old piece if there’s anything I wanna keep. Or, I straight up delete everything, cry, and start again.

19. First line of a WIP you’re working on.

He would have to marry soon.

That’s the first line of a WIP I’ve been working on for months. I’m determined to finish it, I just need time.

20. Post a snippet of a WIP you’re working on.

“How do we finalise this deal?” Belle asked, determined not to back out now no matter how stunned her certainty made him. “Should we sign somewhere?”

“No, no,” he said, finally making his decision. He curled his hand around her neck and a warmth spread across her chest. “There are better ways of finalising a deal such as this,” he added, all mirth and merriment replaced with a deep, gravelly tone. “One thing all marriages need to make them binding.”

Belle stared up at him, her cheeks flushing hot, and stepped closer. 

“What?” she asked breathlessly.

“This.” Rumplestiltskin pulled her to him, holding her against his chest, and kissed her.

That’s from the same WIP. It’s all just the first draft, so it’s unedited.

[theotherwesley]

Wesley Watches And Rates All The Faust Operas

You thought I was kidding, but here we are: 

*I am not an expert, and my advice should never be followed.  I am but a humble nerd with a passion, dragging you along on my youtube-tour. You probably shouldn’t quote me, but using this as a starting point and guide to this particular musical and literary phenomenon is encouraged! The information below was gleaned largely from wikipedia, vague memories of my BA degree, and my own assessment of the source materials.

My ratings are based on my subjective enjoyment, and a few preferential criterion such as:  1) Was Mephistopheles fuckable, 2) Did I get to see an orgy of witches, 3)Does Marguerite pass the Sexy Lampshade Test, and 4) Was Faust Dragged to Hell.

Preliminary Notes: originally, the legend of Doctor Faust came from the sixteenth century and was inspired by one man (or possibly two who were later conflated), Johann SpidersGeorg Faust, who was your average practitioner of Renaissance Magic. He was not an especially savory individual; he had racked up quite a criminal record and been boastful enough of his “christlike” abilities to heal the sick and perform miracles that he’d seriously annoyed the church. He was denied entry into a city due to accusations of Necromancy and Sodomy. Being an alchemist, Faust got up to some particularly adventurous chemistry experiments, the last of which failed so spectacularly that his lab exploded and the doctor was reduced to his component parts. His remains after death were so gruesome that his colleagues came to the obvious conclusion: He’d been personally dragged to Hell by Satan himself. AND THUS WAS A LEGEND BORN.

The story of Faust was told and disseminated in sixteenth century chapbooks (early printing-press zines, if you will) as a dramatic morality tale. It is from the chapbooks we originally get the character of Mephistopheles, the pact exchanging 24 years of service for the soul, the famulus named Wagner, the wild adventures through various courts, and the conjuration of Helen of Troy. Aside from in the chapbooks, there is one version of Chrisopher Marlowe’s play Doctor Faustus, where the titular character is torn asunder by demons as he is dragged to hell-- but unfortunately for me, a known B-movie horror enthusiast-- this ending appears in no subsequent retellings of the Faust legend. Cowards.

Goethe’s play Faust is obviously the most famous adaptation of the legend, and through it the legend turns from a cautionary tale to a story of hubris, love, faith, and philosophy. If you’re not already familiar with Faust, you might take a moment to read it or at least check out the act summaries. You’ll understand everything that references it a lot better if you do, even if you just read Part I (the second part gets a bit tedious unless you have a fetish for Herodotus and metaphysics-- but there’s a cute homunculus in a bottle! and talking sphinxes and griffons! and kinky rose petals! Angel butts!!!). 

 Armed with this knowledge, let the opera tour begin:

Faust (1816, Louis Spohr)

--The Libretto with English translation 

--Playlist of the whole opera

It’s very pretty! The style and over-all sound reminds me of a Mozart opera, which, I guess, is not too surprising considering they were more or less contemporaries who trained and worked in similar circles. (Louis Spohr! He did collaborations with Beethoven! He invented the violin chinrest! Who knew! Not me! Anyway--) This Faust is not based on either Marlowe or Goethe’s Faust, but rather some miscellaneous adventures from the early Faust legends and chapbook pamphlets. In this version Faust ensnares a devil named Mephistopheles to his service, vowing to use his powers for the good of mankind. Great plan! That always goes well! 

There’s a love potion, a flying cape, a duel with an outraged rival-- all the usual necessities for a Faust story, only now there’s not one but TWO young women screwed over by Faust’s philandering! (His first love, Röschen, and erstwhile damsel-in-distress, Kunilingus. ....*checks notes*, sorry, no, “Kunigunde”). Mephistopheles is cattily insightful, the wronged women team up to avenge themselves against their seducer, and yes, yes indeed, Faust Is Dragged To Hell!  

The poetry of the libretto is quite pleasing, it’s got some great dialogue and epic fantasy sequences. Mephistopheles puts on show of infernal pyrotechnics with 17th century stage effects, all of them tremendous fire hazards. Someone gets dragged to Hell by a chorus of dancing goblins before Act 1 even finishes-- O my cup runneth over! We get the witches’ sabbath atop Mt Blocksberg, there’s a guest appearance by Sycorax, everyone gets real horny up there with a love potion, it’s great. 

Mephistopheles seems to be on the ladies’ side in the story (as much as he’s on any human’s side), in that he cautions them not to trust Faust, and urges them on when they FREAKING TEAM UP AND GO TO SEEK VENGEANCE. Oh my god it’s so great. Kunigunde attacks Faust and Faust freaks out and tells Mephistopheles to save him and Meph is all “what’s that? I don’t know, suddenly I can’t read”. Meph is also the one doing all the actual rescuing of distressed maidens, at Faust’s behest. He views Faust’s attempts to break the laws of Love and Nature with contempt, knowing that Faust’s soul is on the fast track to Hell. There’s no actual pact here; Meph is the one being held hostage. He makes sure that Faust doesn’t enjoy any of the spoils of his sorcery, so Faust’s ennui and dissatisfaction remain the same as before he began his quest to “Use Hell’s Powers For Good”. 

And just quick review of the scoreboard: Faust used his powers to do 1 (one) useful thing with his power before he ruined a bunch of people’s lives in quick succession, murdering Kunigunde’s betrothed and driving Rose to suicide. He still cries about it and the “rich seeds of Good he sowed” but Meph is having none of it and HE. DRAGS. THAT. BOY. TO. HELL!!!!!!! EXEUNT.

Rating: 4/5 Stars. Better than expected! I want a revival of this version! With stabbing! And special effects! Mephistopheles is truly doing the Lord’s work here, no offense to his demonship. Lost some points with me for being so very, very heavy on the pining and lovesick maidens, but won me back when the lovesick maidens picked up daggers. 

Faust and Marguerite (1855, Lutz) and Faust up to Date (1888, Lutz)

Straight up can’t find this one! But this early silent film short is apparently based on it?  IDK folks, if you have a recording of this you’d like to share with me, I’d be delighted to hear it. 

As for the burlesque, I suspect it hasn’t actually been performed since 1888. But the music is pretty cute! The Pas de Quatre, aka “Skirt Dance” seems to be the only track that’s stuck around. Here it is played on an old disc music box. 

Rating: ??? 

La damnation de Faust (1846, Berlioz) 

--Libretto in French and English

--La Damnation de Faust with Jonas Kaufmann --I like this one because Faust is super duper cute and this Mephistopheles reminds me of an OC makes yellow work. 

--This is the first of what I’m called The Big Three Faust Plays; all modeled after Goethe’s Faust specifically, written within roughly ten years of each other, and which feature the most well-known arias that I’m aware of. 

This opera positively reeks of Romanticism; it’s got Byron out the ears, it’s wading through Wordsworth, it’s doing the Grand Tour, it’s gazing mournfully from the top of Mont Blanc, contemplating Nature and the Human Spirit. It’s Berlioz, buckle up. 

The beginning is obviously Faust wallowing in ennui. He considers suicide, but is interrupted by a timely reminder of Christianity. Suddenly the devil appears in order to take advantage of a soul precariously teetering on the edge between redemption and damnation.  In this version, the devil does not announce himself as the devil, but rather as the ~Spirit of Life~, here to show Faust the joys of the world. (There’s no pact at first, Meph is just “get in bitch we’re going debauching” and Faust’s like “aight” and they’re off.) The devil takes Faust on a fun tour of life’s noteworthy attractions such as “Drunk Student Karaoke”, “Dancing Gnomes”, and “A Nice Forest Nap”.

During his magical nap Faust sees a vision of Marguerite (later we learn she has simultaneously dreamed of Faust) and falls in love. He awakes with the usual boner for this Maiden of Radiant and Humble Virtue who Nature Hath Sheltered In Perfect Simplicity, because that’s always a big turn-on. Meph steers the course of their interactions very carefully, using magic and fairies and wisps to enchant the couple’s surroundings to ensure they are surrounded by romantic atmosphere the whole time. Once they’ve gotten into some heavy necking, he bursts in and tells them that the whole town is coming with pitchforks and also someone’s told the girl’s mother and they’re in big trouble. Faust flees. 

Everyone does some quality Pining, Faust sings a sad song about Nature, and then Meph shows up again saying “hey I hope this doesn’t put a damper on our vacation, but Marguerite is in prison for murder and she’s going to be executed BUT QUICK, ACT NOW AND WE CAN SAVE HER for just one quick easy payment of your immortal soul” and Faust is just like “WHAT WHERE WHO WHAT UH FINE YES SURE OKAY SHIT, WOW, LET’S GO” and Meph is >:))) and they jump on their horses and ride off to go save her except OOPS, NO THEY DON’T because actually they are RIDING INTO THE WAITING JAWS OF HELL!!!! NYAK NYAK NYAK NYEEEEEHHHHH!!! Faust burns for eternity, Marguerite goes to heaven, curtain. 

Rating: 3.5/5 Look, I’m not saying I’m biased, but Mephistopheles doesn’t even show up until half an hour into the opera, okay? I find this one hard to sit through even though the music is really delightful; and I do mean it is gorgeous music. Between the two famous mocking serenades, “Devant la maison” shoots “Vous quid faites l’endormie” right out of the water; all the chorus pieces are fantastic; the Hungarian March is a great instrumental piece; Faust actually has some decent arias for once (rarer in each subsequent opera), and there is Brander’s wonderfully irreverent Rat Song... I think the reason this doesn’t hold my attention as much as other versions is that the plot is very meandering and the characters don’t have concrete motivations; they’re sad teenagers in love, I guess? And the devil tricks them? This whimsical aspect is 1000% part and parcel of the Romantic Aesthetic I realize, but personally I came for a recognizable story and got mostly pastoral vignettes. We spend half the opera listening to Frolicking Peasants and Men At Arms. Mephistopheles just hops out of the woodwork to play a dirty trick on a random guy getting his Byronic Mope on. There’s no pact, no soul-signing until the very end, and it’s just a plain ol’ tricky trap, not a device to punish hubris or moral crimes. I’m even reluctant to give this its rightful Dragged To Hell points because out of all the Faust scenarios, this is the one where he seems to deserve it the least! He doesn’t actually do anything bad! It’s not satisfying if he’s dragged to Hell for no reason! Pfui. However, points gained back for the made-up Satanic babble sung by infernal chorus at the end.  

Faust (1859, Gounod) 

--Libretto in French and English

--1995 Adaptation with Samuel Ramey as Mephistopheles  You already know I’m a slut for Samuel Ramey playing the devil in any capacity so I’ll spare you my gushing play-by-play of his performance. The quality of this video is.... not great. I apologize. I still love it, but you’re going to want to find a clearer recording of the music if you want to get the most out of this opera. 

--2011 Adaptation with Paul Gay as Mephistopheles (Warning: this version is quite lurid and includes some staging choices that I find pretty uncomfortable-- I can’t decide if the director is consciously trying to highlight predatory sexism as a bad thing or if it’s just kind of included to make things seem ~spicy~. Anyway, it’s otherwise a high quality production with an interesting set design, just be warned that there’s some on-stage grossness. Also, a hilariously bad decapitated head prop! --to accompany a truly baffling ending. To its credit, the death of Valentin was genuinely pretty moving and made me feel... er, well, anything about the character. Tassis Christoyannis’s made that aria memorable, which is more than I can say of other productions. 

Second of the Big Three! 

Gounod introduces a more complete cast of characters borrowed from Goethe’s Faust to flesh out the the story and setting; we meet Wagner the student, a regiment of soldiers including Marguerite’s brother, Valentin, and their young friend Siebel (a pants role-- which immediately endears me to this character because I’m a ~big ol’ queer~). Later we meet Marguerite’s nosy old neighbor, Martha, who is REAL thirsty for Mephistopheles and who I relate to very much.

 This opera follows Goethe’s Faust- Part I much more closely than its predecessor, and where it does not follow the original, it diverges in favor of making the story more engaging and streamlined. There is WAY LESS pining into the aether, and more sword fights. The larger cast of named characters makes for more interactions, which in turn makes for more memorable moments on stage, better dialogue, a comprehensible timeline of events, and more concrete motivations for everyone. 

A SUMMARY: Faust’s pact in this version has nothing to do with the philosophical wager seen in Goethe, but is simply an exchange of his soul for returned youth. He is old, he’s spent his life studying, he wants to be young and full of passion again. He seals the deal after the devil offers him a vision of Marguerite, whose sight is so inspiring and lovely that Faust is overcome with desire for her alone. They go to find her, encountering on the way a regiment of students and soldiers, one of whom is Marguerite’s brother, Valentin, who is going off to war leaving his sister in the care of young Siebel. Getting Marguerite to stop and talk to Faust proves difficult since she is so pure and virtuous that A) Mephistopheles has no power over her, and B) she’s wary of the compliments of strangers. Faust gets Mephistopheles to bring her a case of jewels to warm her up to him, then Mephistopheles concocts a ruse to distract her nosy neighbor Martha and give them an excuse to meet Marguerite (shenanigans ensue). The ploy works, Marguerite is seduced, and in love with Faust. Cut to some time in the future, when Oh No Everything Has Gone Horribly Wrong; Faust has gone away and left Marguerite pregnant and unmarried, she is shunned by society with the exception of Siebel, meanwhile her brother has come home from the war to find her in a disgrace. Faust and Mephistopheles eventually return, but encounter an enraged Valentin who duels Faust to avenge his sister’s honor. Faust, of course, uses Mephistopheles’s magic to cheat, and Valentin is fatally stabbed. With his dying breaths, he curses his sister and blames her for his death, since he died defending her honor-- the people who witness this are rightfully aghast that he’d use his last moments to denounce his own sister-- and rightly so, because that’s a real dick move. Faust flees, and Marguerite is left on her own with no support and a newborn child to care for. She seeks refuge and forgiveness in the church, but finds she cannot pray, haunted by voices and cursed by Mephistopheles himself, as he whispers in her ear, promising damnation. She faints, and is presumably driven mad. Cut to Faust, who is being treated to a front-row seat of Walpurgisnacht. During the revels he sees another vision of Marguerite, this time of her in chains and awaiting execution for the murder of her child. Mephistopheles grudgingly takes Faust to see her in prison, where he tries to rescue her. In her fevered state she will not leave, wanting Faust to instead stay with her in the cell. During the delay, she sees Mephistopheles and finally puts two and two together, knowing a devil when she sees one, and understanding that Faust is not only responsible for her suffering but also in league with infernal powers. She pushes him aside, rejects him, and throws herself instead on the mercy of God, choosing death and redemption over being rescued by the man whose affections ruined her. Mephistopheles ruefully pronounces her condemned, but a voice from Heaven pronounces her Saved. Faust watches in awe as Marguerite’s soul ascends to Heaven, and he is left alone and presumably damned. 

Why is this framing of the story significant? Because it’s about her. Faust is only an instrument; his soul is not especially remarkable, he might have been damned without any devil to encourage him.

 But Marguerite’s soul was untouchable to Mephistopheles; he puts a vision of her before Faust for a reason. We don’t waste any time bemoaning Faust’s moral downfall; Faust is not the one seeking redemption at the end of the opera. Faust is a means to an end, and that end is leading an otherwise spotless soul into perdition.

 This opera has Mephistopheles at his most sinister, his most manipulative; he is the one driving Marguerite deeper into misfortune, who isolates her, mocks her, whispers condemnation into her ear her until she doubts everything. Desperate, without support and seeing no way forward, no future for herself or her child, Marguerite kills her baby, or is led to do so by Mephistopheles. Without a doubt, this has been the devil’s plan all along, and with Marguerite now branded a murderess, he thinks he’s won. But Faust, despite taking no responsibility for his actions, nevertheless feels pity and remorse at her misfortune, and goes to rescue her--and  this gives Marguerite the chance to finally see what he is.

 She rejects him; she does not choose love, she does not choose to live or be rescued by the forces that ruined her in the first place. She stays, renews her faith, and thwarts Mephistopheles’s best efforts to damn her. This is not about a man's hubris; it is about Marguerite escaping the devil and saving herself on her own terms. That’s why I find this version to be poignant. 

Some musical highlights: “Le veau d’or” (the golden calf)-- if not my favorite of Mephistopheles’s ballads then in the top three, particularly because it lends itself to some flamboyant acting; Marguerite’s “Ballade un roi de Thulé” (the king of Thule) is absolutely haunting; and "Seigneur, daignez permettre", aka The Church Scene is fucking incredible-- the juxtaposition of Marguerite’s pleas and the choir’s Dies Irae, the echoing church organs in the background, Damnation seeming to gain a voice of its own to summon her... it’s some real Eyes-of-Notre-Dame Hellfire shit. 

Rating: 5/5! A perfect score! Gounod wins the first place ribbon. Though he beats Boito’s “Mefistofele” (up next) on several key points, I want you to know that my personal bias will probably always be in favor of “Mefistofele” on account of being a ho for the titular character. --But Gounod’s is the better opera, fair and square. “Faust” has the most comprehensive storyline, the most memorable arias, and the best (I think) balance of both humor and poignance.  I will give this version the benefit of a Dragged to Hell point even though we don’t actually get to see the final deed. The Walpurgisnacht scene does exist as a ballet, so I’ll still give it the points even though it gets cut out of most productions for length (sometimes the ballet is performed as a stand-alone event). Additionally, he scores most favorably on the Marguerite > Sexy Lampshade scale-- this is a story about her more than it’s about Faust or Mephistopheles, and I’m here for that.

Thank you Mr. Gounod, you may retrieve your Incredibly Prestigious Award from my blog after the ceremony. 

Mefistofele (1868, Boito) 

--Libretto in Italian and English

--HERE IT IS, MY FAVORITE ONE, MY FAVORITE MEPHISTOPHELES, SAMUEL RAMEY, MOSTLY SHIRTLESS, FLIPPING OFF GOD AND LIGHTING A CIGARETTE ON STAGE IN HIS MATCHING CHERRY-RED TAILCOAT AND VIOLIN CASE 1989 (WHICH IS THE YEAR OF MY BIRTH, NO COINCIDENCE, I THINK)

--Oh, fun fact! The opera scene in Batman Begins is the chorus from the witches sabbath. If you thought it sounded familiar, this might be why.

Anyway. This is the third of the Big Three most-referenced Faust operas!  

Unlike its predecessors, Mefistofele covers both part I and part II of Goethe’s Faust, starting with the seduction of Marguerite and moving on to serenading Helen of Troy and finally with Faust’s redemption. The first part of the opera is very similar to Gonoud’s Faust, but first there is a Prologue, which is taken pretty much directly from Goethe.  And oh my god, is the Prologue hilarious. We encounter Mephistopheles, the titular character, on his way to work-- or more just loitering around in the aether as one does when one is bored and immortal and humanity is going on sinning with or without you, when he stops to greet the Lord God in passing, all satirical charm and sarcasm. God, very graciously, does not ask him whether he has anything better to do, but instead inquires if he knows Faust.

 “Oh yeah, that guy. Neck beard, likes science, big fan of yours. Sure I’ve heard of him,” says Meph. “Hey, you seem like a betting man--”

“Um,” says God.

Meph continues; “I bet I can tempt him into sinning and thus damn his immortal soul to Hell!” 

God agrees-- because God already knows the future and thinks this will be a fun way to build character. 

A choir of angels descends and Mephistopheles gets grossed out, sprays them with insect repellent, and leaves. (I am paraphrasing). 

The next few scenes are pretty familiar; Faust laments his ennui, a chorus of peasants and students celebrate a festival, Faust is on the cusp of a revelation that Jesus is neat, but is interrupted by the devil. The devil introduces himself, offers Faust his services on earth if Faust agrees to serve him in Hell after death. 

Faust, who seconds ago was ready to devote himself to a life of holiness, sayeth “yolo” and they shake on it, with the condition that Mephistopheles can reveal to him one moment of such surpassing joy and beauty that Faust will wish for it to last forever-- thereupon Faust consents to being dragged immediately to Hell. Because pssh, that’s later and who cares about later?? They hop on Mephistopheles’s magic cape, and fly off to have adventures.  CUT TO: Faust seducing Marguerite and Mephistopheles distracting her nosy neighbor Martha. THEY KISS, FAUST LEAVES, HE GOES TO A PARTY ON MT. BROCKEN. HE SEES A VISION: MARGUERITE IN PRISON! QUICK, TO THE RESCUE! BUT NO, SHE REJECTS HIM, HER SOUL IS SAVED, SHE DIES-- Wait, what? I hear you ask-- She just got here, she wasn’t even introduced, now we’re skipping to the end? The answer is: yes. Yes, you’re just supposed to know what’s going on already. 

To be fair, Faust operas are the Spiderman remakes of the nineteenth century; there’s a new one coming out every ten years or so, Goethe is required reading, everyone is writing Faust fanfiction-- no one is wondering who the girl is or how they met or is wondering if they’ll kiss or not. Everyone knows the plot already, it’s fine.

BUT THIS ISN’T THE END! No indeed! Now we are on a tour of PART II of Goethe’s Faust! You know, the part you skipped! Don’t worry, Boito isn’t making the entire metaphysical play into an opera, just the juicy bits with Helen of Troy. Marguerite is instantly and completely forgotten-- this is now a Helen/Faust one-shot, which Mephistopheles is forced to watch with annoyance. 

CUT TO: Faust’s old laboratory from Act 1, where he is on the brink of death, lost in a reverie of all the good times he’s had. Mephistopheles is hovering over him, tapping his wristwatch and reminding Faust of his past loves and glories, incredulous that Faust hasn’t yet found his One True Moment™.

 Faust just sighs and says “gee, I guess the REAL happiness was the good I could have done along the way but absolutely didn’t!” and God busts in through the ceiling with a HALLELUJAH and Mephistopheles is like “oh don’t you dare, don’t you fucking-- THINK OF ALL THE GOOD TIMES WE HAD, ALL THE SEXY LADIES I GOT YOU TO MEET! AFTER ALL I’VE DONE FOR YOU AS YOUR WINGMAN--” and Faust faceplants into the bible and goes straight to Heaven. Meph is left spitting in defiance as he sinks into the earth. THE END.

Why this framing is significant: The way Boito has arranged and cropped the scenes makes this story very much center around Mephistopheles. While Berlioz’s Faust was about the suffering of a young man for love, and Gounod’s was about the victory of Marguerite over Hell, Boito’s opera is about the humorous tragedy of Mephistopheles, whose endeavor was rigged to fail from the onset. 

Faust doesn't end up in Hell in Goethe's version, and I accept this because Mephistopheles lost his bet on a technicality: the Moment™ Faust wished to prolong was not provided by Mephistopheles, it was caused by his sincere desire to do a last bit of good in the world, coming to the conclusion (after being made blind by the goddess of Care) that benefiting mankind is what brings one happiness, not knowledge or fleeting pleasures. It wasn’t that he suddenly found Christ or gave himself over to God, as the opera implies, but because he finally realized the worth of striving to do good, and fond a source of platonic love within himself, which makes his soul redeemable despite his pact with the devil. So Goethe gives us a humanist, philosophical explanation for Faust's redemption..... BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY-- he has Mephistopheles lose Faust's immortal soul because he's Too Fucking Horny For An Angel Boy’s Ass. (I know when I’m being pandered to.) 

Unfortunately, Boito misses the whole philosophical trajectory of Goethe’s Faust and reduces it to a simple morality-play where a sinner is saved on his deathbed merely by acknowledging the hereafter. He doesn’t suffer blindness, he doesn’t actually DO anything good in his last hour, he just repents and decides Heaven is real after all at the last possible second before kicking the bucket. It would be disappointing, IF that were the point of the story. But that’s not where the drama is!

Like Gounod’s Faust, the focus was never really on the doctor at all; his redemption is not what we paid to see. It’s Mephistopheles’s reaction to losing Faust’s soul that makes the ending interesting, not the fact that Faust gets a free pass to Heaven. 

Highlights of this version: It’s fucking hilarious, and Mephistopheles is the star of the entire show. His arias are in turns sinister and sardonic, playful and powerful. The dialogue is taken directly from Goethe’s Faust in most cases (translated into Italian obviously), and hey, the dialogue in Goethe is really funny and good and witty! Hard to go wrong! 

“Ave Signor” (Hail, Lord!) is such a terrific opener; there will always be something delightful about the idea of the devil conversationally sassing God and daring to make a bet with the Almighty in the spirit of work-place rivalry. “Son Lo Spirito Che Nega Sempre Tutto” (I Am the Spirit That Denieth All Things) is full of dark bravado and rebellion, whistling defiance at the Lord. It’s a great Villain Song and as someone with sympathy for the devil it is completely my jam. “Ecco Il Mondo” (Behold the World) is both teasing and menacing and the staging lends itself to some glorious melodrama. “Ah! Su! Riddiamo, riddiamo” (Turning, turning) gets a prize for being the best infernal chorus and witches’ sabbath scene out of all of them-- it’s frenzied and spooky and satanic and whirling, everything you could want from an orgy of infernal creatures. Ten out of five stars, would exalt Satan to again.

Rating: 4.5 / 5 stars. Second place prize, and Honorable Mention for being the judge’s favorite. It’s not perfect. The story leaves much to be desired-- let’s face it, Part II of “Faust” isn’t especially... dynamic on its own, and especially when condensed to fit into opera format, the events don’t add up into a satisfying narrative.  Boito glosses over some frankly essential elements in the original and just has Faust skip right from his life-ruining adultery to being carried to Heaven on the backs of angels-- just for thinking of all the good he *could* have done if he hadn’t been, you know, a real stinker this whole time.  So I’m not giving Boito a pass for omitting Faust’s Hell Dragging. Furthermore, this play is woefully short on Marguerita; she basically just shows up to be seduced and then a second later is Ruined and Saved. Booo.

But hey-- is this play called “Faust”? Is this play called “Faust and Marguerita”? No. This play is called motherfuckin’ “Mefistofele”, because it’s about Mephistopheles. It’s about our suave, under-appreciated servant of Hell working hard for his cut, trying and squeeze just ONE life-altering moment out of this absolute dehydrated turd of a man, and the play is rife with his frustration. He is the one who whistles in defiance of God, and he loses because it is *inevitable* that he loses. God was never going to let him win that bet; Meph was a tool in his ultimate design to shepherd Faust closer to redemption. Mephistopheles is dragged off stage whistling in defiance as a lifetime’s worth of effort is flushed down the drain in a single moment of seemingly undeserved redemption. Not for a *solitary second* did we want this opera to be about Faust. No. This is the devil’s opera, and that’s why it’s so fucking great. 

Doktor Faust (1916–25, Busoni)

--Adaptation with Thomas Hampson 2006 

--Libretto in German and English

...And now, a German libretto written by an Italian, in contrast with Boito’s Italian libretto translated from German. 

God, this is such a modern ass Modern Opera. It does that thing I hate that modern operas do where the composer is like “What? You wanted a ~melody~? What is this, musical theater??” Like obviously they’ve transcended the need for anything so plebeian as a tune I can fucking hum. It’s very Intellectual, very High Art. The plot is full of tortured genius manpain, naval gazing, and I can’t remember a single aria from it. ...Okay, that’s a bit harsh; in the final two scenes Faust gets some lovely melancholy solos that actually stuck out to me. But this is a three hour long opera. So. Maybe skip ahead.

Plot-wise, this is the most existential of the bunch. No Marguerite in this one, just a Duchess with no name. Faust still ruins his lover’s life but in his final act he rejects both God and the Devil and uses his Supreme Human Will to transfer his life-force into his dead child’s body, resurrecting him as a young man with a blossoming frond of some kind. (Symbolism!!!) 

--This marks the full 180 turnaround from “Faust is forcibly dragged to hell by Satan himself and his body explodes all over the stage” to “NOT ONLY IS FAUST REDEEMED OF HIS SINS BUT HE TRANSCENDS BOTH HEAVEN AND HELL WITH THE INDOMITABLE FORCE OF HIS HUMAN WILL, GOD IS DEAD, FAUST IS THE ÜBERMENSCH”, and to that I say *ptttttttbbbbbbbb*.   

Rating: 1/5 stars.  Plot is ponderously philosophical, overweighted with symbolism, and the music, while interesting, is largely forgettable with a few exceptions. Also it is Three Goddamn Hours Long. Points lost for nameless female character who fails the Lampshade Test. Loses further points for a dry and flavorless Mephisopheles, boooo.     

The Rake's Progress (1951, Stravinsky)

--1992 production with Jerry Hadley and OH LOOK WHO IT IS IT’S SAMUEL RAMEY AGAIN HUH WELL DON’T MIND IF I DO this production is really, really well acted and funny and the dance portions are especially cool. 

--Libretto in English and Italian

Another modern opera, this time by a composer I actually like! 

Now, this isn’t technically a Faust opera; its based on a series of delightfully comedic prints by William Hogarth, detailing the decline and fall of a young man who inherits a huge sum of money, spurns his true love, and wastes his inheritance on foolish ventures and hookers, eventually ending up insane in Bedlam (I’m not saying tertiary syphilis, but definitely tertiary syphilis-- Let us take a moment to appreciate both condoms and penicillin.) 

In the original paintings there is no deal-making devil, but but luckily he’s been added in by librettist W.H. Auden (who was intermittently friends and lovers with Christopher Isherwood!!!!-- I just wanted to add that because it makes my gay little heart very happy). The names are all vaudevillian puns, such as “Tom Rakewell”, “Anne Trulov”, and “Sellem, the Auctioneer”. Mephistopheles has been exchanged for the slick, modern Nick Shadow.

Highlights of this version: Baba the Turk, the bearded lady that Nick convinces Tom to marry as a demonstration of his free will (???). Listen: I know she’s meant to be comic relief and is an unflattering stereotype, but dang if she didn’t win my heart completely. I like that her marriage with Tom apparently falls apart, not necessarily because she’s a bearded lady, but because she’s just very chatty and overbearing and is much better traveled than Tom, and has had numerous wealthy and important suitors who she won’t shut up about. She’s knows her own worth and conducts herself accordingly, and is very vocal when she knows she’s being treated badly. She’s got Anne’s back when they meet at the auction of all Tom’s property (which she was included in as an object because she was under a spell of silence and immobility-- rude), telling her to watch out for Nick Shadow and generally being very forgiving and understanding about the whole affair; she was hurt that Tom lied about his affections, but she doesn’t blame Anne for it, which is wholesome. Then she announces that she’s going back to her career on the stage because she is BABA and she has had enough of these scrubs. Anyway. I love her. She’s described very beautifully if you happen to like beards, which I do (and so did the author).  

“No Word From Tom” reminds me why I love Stravinsky so much (and Dawn Upshaw sings it like a nightingale). “Lanterloo My Lady” is spritely and fun and texturally interesting; besides, “sweet dreams my master, dreams may lie, but dream-- for when you wake you die” is chill-inducing. “How Dark and Dreadful is This Place” plus the whole card game in the cemetery is sad and grim and comical all at the same time; Tom is such a pathetic and naive mess you can’t help but feel sorry for him, even while Nick’s smugness is delicious. Tom’s mad songs are all quite touching and beautiful. 

Rating: 4/5 stars. The libretto is really excellent, jazzy, full of great wordplay and aphorisms. Nick is a delightful Mephistopheles; thoroughly modern, witty, sly, arch, fourth-wall breaking. Faust is not dragged to hell, but he is condemned to insanity. Loses points for a female lead whose entire purpose in life is to babysit this asshole through his poor life decisions. Also, while certainly more memorable and melodic than Busoni’s Faust, it still has that sort of shouty modern opera sound that I find a little challenging to listen to; but that said, the music fits the plot, and the plot is fun and absorbing, so while there may be fewer individual arias I’m likely to put on my jogging playlist, it’s engaging to watch as a production from start to finish.  

--Okay! That’s it! I know, I know, this isn’t actually a review of every Faust opera to date, but I have to get back to my life, and you already know my feelings on modern and contemporary opera. Thank you for bearing with me for this entire novel-length post that literally no one asked for!! You’re a the real hero here! I love you almost as much as I love Samuel Ramey in tights.  *stage kiss*  Yours in Service Here but in Mine Below, ~Wesley 

[kpopisagif-t]

Elevator- Jonghyun POV x OC Fic

A/N Truth be told, I’ve had this fic kinda just shoved in a corner with a bunch of my other stories. I actually really like this one but I was being lazy and not posting it. I also felt it was a bit too dark to put it up, but now I figure, why the hell not. If you guys like really sad stories (or so I think) then you should read this. WARNING: It’s HELLA long. It wasn’t supposed to be a fic in the first place but don’t kill me guyz. 

Inspiration for this fic was from Jonghyun’s song Elevator. I have a playlist for you guys to listen to while you read this. It’s a compilation of beautiful Jonghyun Ballads/Songs :) Hope you like: 

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzqG6sj9xMTuo4tWqFq-7bVyqY1_c91b5

A pair of slender arms snaked around the man’s built waist.

In his black muscle tank, and his dark washed jeans. With his tattooed arms and faded blonde hair. Displaying piercing eyes and a brooding look. The man could only be described by others as sinful.

And sinful he was. From his thoughts, to his looks, to his desires, to his fears… they were all sinful. He could only described himself as a fallen angel; someone shattered so deeply that the fragments could only be rearranged to make him seem like a devil. Once a perfection, once a ray of light… so flawless that the world couldn’t accept him, sentencing him, not to die as a devil upon earth, but to live as an angel in hell.

The name of the man itself could not be uttered. As the whole world would then hear his pain and agony, yet be able to do nothing to numb the torture this man suffered from. The people of this world simply played him, over and over. He was meant to draw the attention of others, to make them lust for him, only to have them flee from him in the end.

Such was the life of Kim Jonghyun. A prisoner in his own life, left to suffer the same loss, each and every day. Spend every breathing moment, repenting for sins that he’d never committed. Watching every single person, hoping eternally, to find someone to free him from this curse. Left to keep begging, to some ethereal being above, to send him someone different for once.

And so when the arms wrapped around him and brought him closer to a warm body, he felt nothing. He turned, like he always had, to face the woman who’d approached him. They all looked the same to him now. The same wild hair and smirking lips. They all tilted their head the same way as their eyes asked for permission to claim him. They would send a whisper his way, promising Jonghyun that they were different, when in reality, nothing in his world ever was.

Still, an indescribable force always compelled him to repeat his actions, despite his thoughts warning him against putting himself through another night of torment. Every time, he would simply return a small smile of his own and allow a stranger’s lips to attack his.

Every bone in his body would work against his rationality that fought to stop himself before he let the lust control him. No matter how solid he made his resolve though, Jonghyun found himself giving in to it all, knowing full and well that this was all just a way of chipping away at what little humanity he had left within him. A slow, excruciating, punishment that he had no choice but to bitterly accept.

“My name’s Luna,” the girl whispered, in attempt to be seductive. “What’s yours?” she asked, arching her back to allow her catch for the night, who was now kissing down her neck, better access.

As always, Jonghyun mumbled an incomprehensive phrase, unwilling to reveal his true name and muttering something along the lines of  “Jjong,”; a comment that would never reach the other’s ears… This was fine by Jonghyun, for names held power. So much so, that this very power could piece him back together… or tear him further apart.

“Let’s go,” Luna smiled mischievously, separating Jonghyun’s lips from her collarbone. She laced her fingers through his hands, hopping off the dusty bar top. Luna brushed the dust off her skirt and straightened it. She beamed with a slightly childish grin that she knew men found quite endearing. Boldly, Luna grabbed the hand of the devilishly attractive man.

Jonghyun sighed internally and allowed himself to follow the beautiful girl out the door. He watched the way her hips swayed to the lulling silence of the night. Or the genuine, innocent way Luna’s smile brightened even the bleakest of moments. The most extraordinary thing was evidently the voice of angel which Luna possessed.  A sing-song melody in every word she spoke, no doubt her most powerful way of enticing hopeless men like Jonghyun himself.

He couldn’t deny the glow of the girl. Though they all looked the same after infinite endless nights, his mind was convinced that there was a different sort of sparkle in Luna’s eyes. His thoughts attempted to persuade him into believing that there was a swirling galaxy of secrets hidden in Luna’s eyes.

This, he figured, was also something that happened every night though he could recollect no memory of ever finding one of the previous girls this captivating. Yet the dull throb in his heart told him that no matter how hard he sought to find something different, each night would only leave him colder than the last.

Still, he guided her to his home. The same path he took home every night, the same road he took to let himself be ruined once more. They stopped on the way, for a few more breathless kisses as Luna laughed. It sounded more refreshing than any spring breeze to Jonghyun. The way her eyes crinkled up as she lived in the moment and how she tightened her grip on Jonghyun’s hand almost as if she was assuring him that she wasn’t one to leave. The reality was probably far from all that though. Luna was a mystical siren and Jonghyun was just another one of her pitiful victims.

They reached an apartment no different from all the other ones that dotted the city with their flickering lights. They entered a dimly-lit lobby that hummed its own somber tune as air gushed through the vents. Luna and Jonghyun were in no hurry as they waited for the elevator, and each, for their own reason, wanted to stretch the moment.

Luna sought to make this night a memorable one, unlike the others she’d been with. Luna found her high in making sure the night would be unforgettable for both of them. The instant she’d spotted the secretive man, she knew he’d be promising in leaving a memory behind. And in the back of her mind, she secretly wished for her time with this man to last longer than a one-night stand.

Jonghyun, however, sought to prolong the inevitable end to this night. Hold off, just a while longer, under the pretense of somehow fighting his fate. He wanted to deny the feelings and need that welled inside of him despite having never met this girl before. He wanted to act as if he was in control of his meaningless life. He wanted to finally be able to make someone stay…

The ring of the elevator in a soft corner of both their minds brought them back to reality. Luna stepped in first and Jonghyun followed. Jonghyun saw the look in Luna’s eyes as the doors shut behind them. The wild eyes that clouded with lust as they took in every inch of Jjong’s impossibly perfect body.

Luna attacked Jonghyun’s lips, no longer innocent nor tender, giving the latter barely enough time to press the button to his floor. The instant his hand drew back, he held onto Luna’s hips as if it was his lifeline and as if it tied him to a heavenly fantasy instead of this miserable, hellish realm of reality. Jonghyun pushed the delicate girl’s body against the glossy wall of the elevator that seemed to defy time as it moved up ever so slowly.

Silky legs entwined themselves around Jonghyun’s waist as Luna deepened their heated kiss and begged for more. The serene melody of a piano that filled the elevator was of stark contrast to the impatient movements of Jjong and Luna. The less-than-timid girl allowed her fingers to roam the arms of the evasive man, tracing the tattoos she could see and then being rewarded with a shudder that ran through his body in response to her delicate tormenting.

Finally, the doors slid open, revealing a magnificent view that unravelled before Luna’s eyes. She was stunned, to say the very least, as she took in the entire penthouse that no doubt belonged to her mystery man. The skyline of a city embellished with glowing gems of light took what was left of Luna’s breath away.

As Jonghyun carefully stepped out of the elevator, neither of them made any move to pull themselves apart from the other. Luna remained entangled, clinging onto the sturdy arms of the man, peppering his face with butterfly kisses as she was carried gently to the bedroom of the lavish penthouse.

Jjong was just as, if not more, stunned as Luna but for his own reasons. For the first time since he’d been sentenced to nights of pleasure suspended in pain, the girl he brought back home hadn’t stopped to marvel at the sight of his grand yet lonely prison.

Instead, as he settled Luna onto the mattress, he saw her smile back at him, almost wistfully. He gently brushed back the hair from her eyes, but was caught off-guard as Luna yanked him down into an almost punishing kiss.

Luna gazed into his eyes, not with sympathy, but rather with empathy. “Talk to me… tell me honestly… Please don’t hide… don’t hide please…” she repeated the words, trying to coax the well- hidden secrets out of this undoubtedly broken man.

Jonghyun, however, was immune to the effect of these words. Or so he wanted to be. He knew well enough to not be affected by those words. The same words they’d all told him, over and over. All the false promises they’d made to understand him. Somehow, though, Luna’s words were washing over him worse than the others’ words ever had. Usually, his restraint remained strong for longer before all the emotions spilt.

Though it took great effort, he managed to hold it back, and remained silent as he always had. Luna sensed his reluctance and let it go. Instead, she spoke in a comforting voice, “You must be hurting tremendously. Don’t hide the pain. Don’t treat me gently and even if you can’t offer me any words, the least you could do is not hold back.”

Her request was granted as Jjong pinned Luna down onto the silk sheets of the bed. With heavy breaths, Jonghyun leaned down to capture Luna’s lips in a kiss. He could feel her smirk under his lips as her hands fisted at the black tank.

Just as Jonghyun pulled away, a wave of cool air hit his chest and he glanced down to find the fabric of his top in 2 pieces in Luna’s hand. He could tell she was challenging him, daring him to take the bait that he had to every night. A bait he should’ve been able to resist but couldn’t think of a reason to when he needed to.  Jonghyun could feel himself lose control of his own thoughts. The same sense of falling through emptiness suffocated him. Fully conscious with no control.

Seeing Luna taunt him and bite her lip drove Jonghyun insane. Without warning, he ripped the buttons off Luna’s billowy top, exposing her bare chest. Jonghyun drew in a breath as he noticed the lack of undergarments. Luna couldn’t help but wear a smug and satisfied expression, knowing that she’d made him become like this. Then she remembered that if any of her suspicions had been correct, she truly had made him lose control in the literal sense. Something Luna herself knew was more than just dangerous.

She felt guilty for pushing him beyond his limits, but there was no other ending to this story she knew. All Luna asked for was a night worth remembering. Whether those memories held would remind her of a moment of ecstasy or a moment of regret was an entirely different story.

Jonghyun’s mouth found Luna’s breasts as he sucked on them, eliciting moans from the girl. His right hand kneaded the other, and though his touch was soft, the movements were rough and aggressive, coming together to form the perfect amount of pleasurable pain for Luna.

Her slender fingers clutched at the sturdy arms and her nails dug into the skin there. Jjong paused, for a brief moment, as he breathed heavily. His vanilla scented breath fanned Luna and she all but melted. Her gaze bore into the man’s eyes and she caught a fleeting emotion pass through him: fearful apprehension.

Dread washed over Jonghyun as he held himself up above the pristine body of Luna. Never had he felt so hesitant to cross the line. Never had he once thought about the girls he had slept with’s feelings because he knew what they craved. For that matter he was almost always resentful towards them for being able to play him over and over.

This time however, a different type of fear clouded his thoughts. No longer did he concern about revealing the darkness in him or the pain that he would suffer. No, this time the only thought that plagued his mind was the apprehension behind exposing Luna to the darkness that was him.

As always though, lust infused him and the need to sate himself with pleasure grew within him. Screwing his eyes shut, he let out a huff of air then reopened his eyes. He caught Luna’s eyes observing his every movement. She moved to wrap her hand around Jonghyun’s neck and he took in the beauty of the woman that laid beneath him.

He gasped as Luna’s fingers ghosted down his torso; a chilling sensation which brought blood rushing to his nether regions. The delicate pads of Luna’s fingertips pressed harshly down on the growing bulge. The other hand reached down to loop around the buckle of his belt and drew him closer with a hard tug. Now pressed against Luna, Jonghyun’s lips frantically sought to connect with Luna’s, wanting nothing more than to feel the warmth of her mouth.

The friction of their lips was indescribable. Rational thought was abandoned as the 2 moved their bodies in sync with each other. Each kiss reflecting and expressing the pain they suffered and all the perils they’d endured. The long, languid kisses begged time to slow down and allow them a blissful night beneath the dazzling stars that made them covet just a few more moments of ecstasy.

They allowed their senses to take over and took the time to explore each other’s bodies, as if the following day was a lifetime away. Ignorance was bliss, after all.

Jonghyun, unable to bear the pressure that coiled in his stomach any longer, yanked down Luna’s skirt and marveled at her beautiful, sturdy thighs that hooked themselves onto Jonghyun’s pelvis. Luna’s hands flew across the buckle and buttons of his pants, undoing them in a heated frenzy and pulling them down.

Their clothes were discarded in a pile, flung far across the room. The instant Luna’s touch reached Jonghyun’s core, a low, throaty growl interrupted the silence. As much as he ached to end this as soon as possible, he couldn’t help but want to please Luna as much as possible. He wanted to treat her like a princess. Like her name itself, Jonghyun planned on taking her to the moon and back again…  Just to make this a night worth remembering.

He moved himself off Luna and closer to the foot of the bed. Jonghyun pressed delicate kisses along the sides of Luna’s thighs, occasionally nipping at the skin. He admired her wide hips as he spread her tense legs apart.

When the pair of lips that had just trailed her entire body touched her folds, Luna wanted to lock her legs and never let the sensation leave. Luna had been with plenty of others, but no one else compared to this. Her eyes rolled back as a muffled “Oh my,” escaped between gasps.

The feeling only intensified when a tongue slipped inside of her. Luna’s hands desperately clutched the sheets, grasping at the perfection of the feeling.

Jonghyun’s own needs called, and he reluctantly moved his lips away from Luna’s addicting core. The latter whimpered at the loss of contact only to feel Jjong’s length pressed against her at once. Luna rocked her hips, desperate to have him fill the void in her, prompting him to enter her.

No longer able to remain deliberate and delicate with his movements, Jonghyun thrust into her and allowed Luna’s nails to rake his back. Every whimper, moan, and shudder hit Jonghyun like a cold breeze, heightening his senses.

Unable to handle the immense amount of pleasure that shook her body as tension built up inside of her, Luna clung on as if her life was on the line. As much as she’d loved the sweet, sensitive kisses, what she craved was a faster pace. One that would leave her breathless and spent beyond her own comprehensibility.

Responding to the sounds that fell from Luna’s lips, Jonghyun’s movements became erratic and feverish. He leaned down to connect his lips with Luna’s once again, their tongues tangling as each held off their release for as long as they could.

Finally, neither were able to hold back and let go of themselves. A shudder shook Luna’s body as her legs trembled. They reached their highs and Luna’s velvety walls clenched Jonghyun, pushing him over the edge. Luna hugged Jonghyun close to her, mumbling that it was okay to release all the pent up pain, sorrow and frustration into her.

They collapsed onto the silken sheets, wrapped in each other’s arms. To call it an out of body experience would be an understatement. Even the moon wasn’t fit to describe the lengths the two had gone to. It was as if in the darkest corner of the universe they’d collided and scattered glowing stars.

Spent and exhausted, Luna and Jonghyun found themselves succumbing to sleep, unaware of the despair it held and oblivious to the fallout that would cost them something more than life itself.

***

Jonghyun was stuck in the nightmare once more. An eternity had passed since that day, yet the memory was still a fresh wound in Jonghyun’s heart. The only thing that changed was the girl in the dream. Every night, the girl he’d just slept with would appear. The only difference between the real girl and the one in his nightmares would be their eye color. They would never match. And they would be the last thing he saw before he’d wake up in the middle of the night.

Just like every night, Jonghyun found himself tied to a chair, forced to watch a horrendous scene unfold before his eyes.

The body of a lifeless Luna slumped against the cold cement wall. It was the girl who he’d just left after sleeping with. He’d figured they were just another one-night stand and left as the dawn broke, not bothering to check how the other was feeling.

Though it was an innocent mistake, what he hadn’t known was that a dangerous stalker had watched him leave the girl’s apartment. Jonghyun had no idea how much the girl would suffer due to his reckless abandonment. The instant he’d left, the stalker had gone after her and forcefully took her to a deserted building.

It was at this very building that Jonghyun found himself, tied up against a chair, every single night, to witness what the sickening bastard would do to the girl he had just been with. While he had left without a care, the girl was being punished.

Here he was, back in the same cell, resenting himself for not being more careful with his actions. The stalker came in and picked Luna up like a ragdoll, then placed her on a freezing metal surface. He grabbed Luna’s chin and gave her a punishing kiss.

“You like this don’t you? Pain is pleasure for you isn’t it?” he rasped. Luna whimpered and hid behind the locks of hair that framed her face. Jonghyun watched in horror as he grabbed her hair and hit her thighs with a short, chilling laugh.

Luna could only shake her head in denial. In response, the stalker grabbed a syringe and plunged it into the side of her upper arm. Luna’s body shook vehemently and stilled suddenly.

“Do you still want to deny my touch,” he asked in a sickeningly sweet voice. Restraint etched the features of her face but as the drug entered her system, her voice could only croak out a small and weak “Yes.”

Jonghyun averted his gaze as guilt filled him. Through the entire night, he could hear Luna’s screams and shrieks. He could feel her pain as it pricked him like needles throughout his body.

The following morning, when he opened his eyes, he watched helplessly as the mental stalker dropped a naked Luna onto the floor next to him. The stalker could neither see nor sense Jonghyun’s presence and left the basement.

Jonghyun wanted to scream and go after the horrible monster after what he’d just done to a poor, defenseless, kind women. It couldn’t right what had gone wrong, but if Jonghyun was to suffer, so should the fiend who’d stripped a girl of any of her own will. However, the ropes that bound him to the chair were not ones that could be cut with a knife. They were his curse; forcing him to watch the same horror story, night after night, all to make him repent his unintended, yet unforgivable actions.

Luna’s frail body shook beside him on the floor as she coughed, eyes still tightly shut. Then, suddenly, unable to sit up any longer, she collapsed. Luna gasped her final breath and opened her eyes and all Jonghyun could do was stare regretfully into her amber-golden eyes. Eyes that had once held light, life, and the entire galaxy were now clouded, pained and filled with despair.

It was this that shattered Jonghyun. It trapped him in a never ending cycle of loathing and resentment. The same way he’d left the girl in the hands of a devil, every night he would fall for a one-night stand, unable to control his actions as the girls in his nightmares. Subject to a drug that made them sell their bodies. He suffered just as they did. Girls would throw themselves at him and he’d lose his control. He’d let them use him only to have them abandon him once they discovered his night terrors.

Worst of all, were the words of admittance he’d spill to them. Forcing them to see the broken creature he’d turned into. It was his words that would ultimately drive them away. Left in a million pieces, unable to take his own life, he would watch his reflection on the elevator door as they fled his prison. His haggard reflection would remind him of the monster he was… and make him regret.

***

When he woke up from his nightmare, he found his head cradled in Luna’s arms as sobs wracked his body. He was taken aback by the display of affection, especially since he had been so cold to Luna. Usually the girls he spent the night would be disturbed if not revolted by his own weakness, but here Luna was, comforting him.

Luna ran her fingers gently through Jonghyun’s hair. She’d heard him gasp her name in his sleep and cry aloud for God to somehow protect her. Her own heart hurt to hear the sobs and she held Jonghyun close by her. “Tell me, honestly... Don’t hide, please,” Luna whispered.

“How long have you been crying? You…” Luna trailed off, asking Jonghyun with her eyes to reveal all of his truths and secrets to her.

He wanted to stop himself, he really did, but he knew he’d inevitably lose Luna as well. He clutched Luna’s hands and pulled her off the bed. He spoke with a cracked voice, “I believe I know all the trifling stories of the world,” Jonghyun started. It was the same admission he’d expressed every night. “I believe… I know them all…” his voice broke and faltered.

“I don’t know you… I don’t know you…” he started to deny repeatedly with tears streaming down his face as he pounded his fist into the wall.

“Tell me honestly, I know you’re feeling so lonely… Tell me honestly… You know you can’t go on like this. You can’t hide the pain forever…” Luna reminded him, her own voice giving out at the end as she trailed her finger down the side of Jonghyun’s cheek and cupped it.

Jonghyun nodded and led Luna to a mirror in the corner of his room. He faced the mirror and when Luna looked at him in it, she gasped. “Say hello to my haggard reflection,” Jonghyun croaked with his eyes bloodshot.

Scars lined every inch of his body. Scars from the numerous times he’d attempted to end his own life. But, in order for him to end it, he’d have to have lived in the first place. No, he was nothing but a remnant of a guilty soul.

They were the cuts and bruises that burned him for mere seconds only to heal themselves on the outside once more. When they saw his scarred body in the mirror, they ran. They all left. A new scar would mark his body after every girl left and after decades, there was no real beauty left in the truest form of himself.

Jonghyun expected Luna to flee out the doors, but instead she gripped his hand even tighter. She stepped in front of him and stood before the mirror. Jonghyun’s eyes widened at Luna’s golden- amber irises. The same shade and depth the Luna in his dream had.

When Luna turned around to face him, he found himself staring into her chocolate-brown eyes. Slowly, however, the color morphed into that golden-amber pigment that Jonghyun had just witnessed in the mirror.

Luna smiled forlornly up at Jonghyun. Finally she’d remembered as well. He was Jonghyun. The man who had made the last night of her previous life worth living in. She realized the moment she had seen him in the bar that he was a man filled with grief and regret. Luna realized that he’d been suffering unjustly all this time. After years of punishment, Luna had finally been sent to forgive the broken man of his sins. After all this time, she could liberate him.

“It’s me. The girl you left all those years ago. Thank you for that amazing night. I think you know what happened to me afterwards, but I hold none of it against you. You don’t deserve to relive the nightmare I went through. You don’t deserve any of this. I forgive you, Jonghyun.”

Luna uttered his name for the first time, but the world could not hear his pain and agony, for Luna had freed it all. She stood on her toes to kiss Jonghyun’s lips.

“Please, don’t leave me,” Jonghyun begged Luna. “I won’t,” Luna assured, but even as she promised that, she could see her hand beginning to fade. With that, Jonghyun collapsed out of sheer exhaustion into Luna’s arms and fell asleep. Luna tucked him into the bed and stayed beside him.

Jonghyun opened his eyes at the crack of dawn. It was the first time he’d slept peacefully. The bed was empty though, much to his dismay, and by his bedside table was a single note:

“I’m deeply sorry I could not stay,

It seems that I do not belong in this realm any longer.

Don’t worry, I’m the last that will leave you.

It’s now your turn to forgive me… Mianhe”

--Luna

He was betrayed once more. Jonghyun’s heart was on the verge of splitting apart into two. However, the sound of the elevator doors opening pulled him out of his trance as he ran out to meet the doors of the elevator that Luna stood in front of.

“Don’t leave me,” he wanted to call out, but his voice failed to work. Luna stepped inside and turned to face him. She smiled one last smile at him. Her amber eyes were flooded with tears that streamed down her face.

“Don’t worry, Jonghyun, I’m the last. We’ve spent 2 nights together but I’ll say what I didn’t get to back then. I love you, Jonghyun, please forgive me for the pain I’ve caused you. Annyeong.”

The doors of the elevators began to close, but before Jonghyun could even stop them, a single tear from Luna fell to the ground and she vanished into thin air, right before Jonghyun’s eyes.

Though Jonghyun had been left behind by countless people, and though they’d left all the scars behind, Luna leaving him hurt more than any of the others. She had driven the final dagger through Jonghyun’s heart, left the final scar.

Jonghyun stared at his own reflection, casted on the closing elevator door. “Annyeong,” he whispered to his haggard reflection. It was time he left his prison and the devil within him forever.

His entire being shattered into a thousand fragments and a single teardrop hit the ground.

Soooooo... that was not a very happy story. Did it make you cry? Lemme know if it did :P. In all seriousness, this is such a beautiful song, Elevator and I’m total SHINee trash so this was so much ‘fun’ to write. Obligatory Jonghyun gifs/pics below because the man is an angel...

[librarified2004]

Here we go again...

This looked like fun. Hijacked from the amazing @the-random-fandom-one, so the actual title of this should be “@dammittmarie, you made me do another survey!”  Reblog with your answers! I want to get more communication going in the writing community here. Answer one, answer some! Answer whatever you want to! 1. What was the first character you ever created? I’ve been writing stories since I could pick up a writing utensil. I think the first character I ever really put a ton of thought into, though, was this character I played in an MMORPG during undergrad. Her name was Lindarian, and her past was tragic: the half-elven child of an illegal union between a mortal and an elf princess, she was basically raised in seclusion only to watch her three older half-brothers and her parents be brutally murdered on her eighteenth birthday. Man, even before I knew what fanfiction was, I knew how to whump a character. 

2. Is there a specific thing that made you want to start writing more? The MMORPG I played as an undergrad and grad student went down for good in about 2005, and after that, I stopped writing stories because there was no reason, really, to further develop that character. I got a job and started doing some professional writing--blogs and reviews and that kind of thing. Then I reconnected with an old friend who had written an entire book, and he started pushing me to do fiction again. I played around with some ideas, even published a short story, before I discovered fanfiction through a professional development class that I had to take. I can’t go back to school for my MFA in creative writing at this point, but I think writing fanfic is saving my sanity as well as giving me a sort of ad hoc, DIY MFA where I work at my own pace and set my own curriculum. Plus, some days it really saves my sanity. In the wise words of Lin-Manuel Miranda, I can pick up a pen and write my own deliverance.

3. Favorite character you’ve ever created? In the short story I published, “Swan Song,” I had this side character who existed simply to be my villain. I didn’t pay him much attention until very late in the creative process, when the editor said the big reveal was too abrupt. (He was right.) So I took that character out to coffee--literally, I took my laptop and a notebook to my favorite coffee place so I could have a distraction-free conversation with him--lit him a smoke (funny thing, I don’t smoke, but literally everyone in that story does and my smoker friends say I got that exactly right), and really, for the first time, tried to get to know him. I knew only the basics, but it turned out he had this whole past (tragic) and motivations that I’d never even seen. Knowing all this didn’t just change the reveal, it pivoted the entire story, and when I sat down to rework that reveal, the words just poured out. It turned out that he was rather an anti-villain and he ended up in an awesome place--if I ever write a sequel to that story, it will be his to tell. Nik, the villain of “Swan Song,” is my favorite because he taught me to look deeper, love harder, and never have a character unless you’ve taken the time to know them all the way down to their shoe size. 

4. Do your stories tend to have only a few characters or a lot?

As few as possible. In fact, I kind of freak out a little bit when I realize I need another character to serve some purpose. 

5. Do you sit down and plan out your worlds or just let them build themselves as you write?

Some of both, really. I tend to write a lot of fanfiction exchanges (or at least, that’s what gets published), and I always do a thorough canon review before I start plotting so I can get voices and world-building details right. My one published original short story is set in Moscow during WWII, and I did a bunch of research on that setting and time period before I went in, but I never really tried to force anything to fit. Interestingly, during revisions, I was able to go back and add date stamps to certain plot points based on my historical research. But  that story also has a magic twist to it (it was for a fantasy anthology) and the magic part just came to me, no building required. 

6. Do you ever meet people and want to write about them? Fictional characters, all the time. I love writing missing scenes. I don’t put much of real-life people into my characters (but I totally could--I work in a public library. Public libraries are literally the last remaining free resource in this country and my job is madness.)

7. What kind of environment do you do most of your writing in? Music or no music? Loud or quiet? In private or wherever? Depends on the day and the story. I have a novel in progress (which will never be finished, probably) and for that I have entire playlists of music for each character. But if there’s music, there can’t be words in a language I can understand, because I will end up singing along. No TV or movies, because I end up watching instead of writing. I like my backyard, and even better, my parents’ backyard. But when all else really fails, I’ll jot out whatever in the notes on my phone. I’m picky, but not picky at all. And if I’m on deadline, I will make that deadline come hell or high water or plague or fire or mass destruction.

8. Do the people in your life ever read what you write, or do you tend to not show them? Not fanfiction. I’m very, very protective of my writing in general. My mom was an English teacher (in fact, she was MY English teacher in tenth grade), and even when I was an undergrad getting my B.A. in English comp, she read all my essays with a red pen (after they’d been graded--and I graduated with a 4.0 in my major!). When I published my original short, she was so proud--and then she pointed out a glaring continuity mistake I had missed in about nine million rounds of editing. When I read my own stuff, I only see the mistakes, so I’m also shy about showing it to anyone else. That said, I have about a million partial fics rotting on my hard drive, phone notes, and Google docs, so someone might want to go after them if I ever shuffle off this mortal coil. 

9. What inspires you? Oh my, so much. Music, other people’s stories, history, walks in the woods, the way the lights in the children’s room at the library change color. Literally everything. Probably the better question is who pushes me, and the answer to that is @dammittmarie, who got me into the school’s Dead Poets Society in undergrad (we met at midnight in the basement of the library and damn, we were cool) and the beautiful @rain-and-roses-in-the-city, who puts up with my crazy ideas, my headcanons, lets me play in her sandbox, and sometimes has even seen the partial stories I talked about earlier. 

10. What’s the weirdest character you’ve ever created? Don’t really have one.

11. What’s the most boring character you’ve ever created? All of them, it feels like sometimes :)

12. Do you name your background characters? Do you even have them? I learned a hard lesson about knowing my characters, so now, if I can’t flesh them out, they don’t appear. 

13. Are you one of the writers who writes in symbolism and specifically thinks about things like the color of a hat or that kind of thing? Or do you just pick those things at random? Sometimes. Not always.

14. Are there any authors you feel have influenced your style? Published authors, fanfic authors, ect. I learn things from everywhere. My gold standard for plot twists is the end of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, which made me screech out loud on an airplane years ago. I think the Hamilton fandom in particular is full of talent, and the WhamFam especially (you know who you are). And going back to @dammittmarie, she’s the one who made me unashamed of being a whump writer. 

15. Were you a story teller before you could write? Yes! I devoured books as a kid, and handwriting came super hard to me. You couldn’t read my penmanship until I was in junior high, so I learned storytelling in the oral tradition first. 

16. How many characters have you created? Not too many. I tend not to write OCs in fanfiction for fear of them coming out like total, obvious Mary Sues. There are maybe a dozen characters in “Swan Song.”

17. Do your stories tend to take place in the real world or in a fantasy world? Both? Neither?

That depends on the story

18. Do you tend to set your stories in the present or the past or the future? Do you think about when it’s set or does that not factor into the story?

Whatever works on a given day for a given story, I guess. I love, love, love the canon era of Hamilton, but I also like modern AUs if they’re done well. So yeah, whatever works. 

19. What kind of things do you like to write? Poetry? Short stories? Novels? Fanfiction? Children’s Books? Nonfiction? Something else entirely? Fan fiction for pleasure. My professional life includes writing book reviews, blog posts on various topics, and newsletters, so fan fiction is escapism for me.

20. Do you like to do events like NaNoWriMo or the Three Day Novel, or do you prefer to do things at your own pace? Yes and no. In my professional life, I’m a volunteer blogger and reviewer on top of the demands of my day job, so I’m almost always on deadline for something. (Right this second is actually an exception--I wrote two articles this weekend and I’m deadline-free until at least April 1.) I tend to write fan fiction at my own (snail on a strong sedative’s) pace, but I have signed up for NaNoWriMo a few times, and I might do Camp NaNo in April because I have a 5k exchange piece due at the end of the month. And the one piece that I’ve published that wasn’t fan fiction actually got finished because I went to a signing where there were like six people and ended up pouring my heart out to this poor author. I told her I had a story and no idea how to start, and she told me to write 100 words a day for 100 days and tweet her my word count every day. If I missed a day, I had to start over. I made it to 100 days, just over 11,000 words, and that piece is good--you can even buy it on Amazon.