kpopisagif-t

[kpopisagif-t]

When No One Hears You...

A/N TL;DR: Hi people that probably have no idea who I am. I’ve been really bad at keeping my writing up (namely due to classes and lack of inspiration and time). I wrote this a while back and didn’t put it up. This isn’t fan-fiction or anything of that sort. Nonetheless, I want to share this story as a source of motivation to push through any problems you may face. I say it as someone who understands this perspective and if it helps even a single person, I’ll feel that I’ve done something good. It might be a bit long, but I personally think it’s worth it. Please read and share if you think it’ll help someone :)

When No One Hears You, You Feel Like You’re Drowning.

To describe it in one word: Lost. You’re lost and no one can hear you. You cry and cry at the top of your lungs but the only thing that accompanies you is a deafening silence. Locked up in this white cage where the outside world feels so far, so cut off. You’re stuck in your own mind.

Every once in awhile, someone hears your call; but it’s in a different language. They try to listen and care, yet after awhile it just becomes another incessant noise they can’t help but drown out. Then you are left on your own once more. Battling the inside and outside, covering up any insecurity you have with a pile of lies you tell yourself-- this is how you live.

No one notices that something is wrong. You smile a lot, talk to people, argue with others, you’re just like everyone else right? Wrong. Just because you’re not afraid of the noise or confrontations doesn’t mean you’re fearless. In fact, your biggest fear is of yourself.

Everyone fusses over those quiet people who are too afraid to speak up for themselves, and in that process, you’re practically forgotten. Not everyone with a loud voice can speak with confidence. Not all the people who smile are happy. And people seem to forget that or dismiss it with a wave of a hand. Nothing is wrong with you… right?

You try to close people out and become quieter, hoping it’ll draw some attention your way, hoping someone will hear you finally, if you’re weak. That’s not how it works though. Now you’re simply pathetic. An attention-craving emotional human who can’t seem to pull their life together. You beg desperately to be heard or to get help, but no one understands.

Though having been blessed with a proper family and supportive friends, you still feel as if you’re left unloved. It’s not true, and you know it, but every time something goes wrong, there’s a sinking feeling in your stomach and you blame yourself.

It’s all your fault. Your fault for scaring others away. Your fault for being such a disappointment to everyone. Your fault for being who you are because you, you are incapable.

Since no one can comprehend the way you feel, you tell yourself that you’re going to change. You make a resolution to yourself. With this, you plaster on a smile everyday and pretend like nothing’s wrong. Maybe you should ignore it all and move on with life. Maybe bottling it all up is the safest. What if you spill and poison everything in your way…

“Don’t be that mess in everyone’s life,” your subconscious reminds you each and every day. People tell you “It’s just a teen angst” or “A midlife crisis” or “Being overdramatic”. You want to scream at them, let them know that they’re wrong, but you can’t. Who are they to determine how you really feel, you constantly try to remind yourself. Your problems seem trivial, but aren’t you the one that’s suffering it all in the end? Soon though, you start believing their words. And with them, you soak in every toxic word anyone has said about you. It’s in this moment, that you have completely and totally lost yourself.

There are so many words to describe what could possibly be wrong with you; Anxiety? Depression? Stress? Confusion? So many ways to diagnose you, yet no one understands any of it. What’s the point of having all these labels if no one comprehends them? Is it just a way to let people know that you’re not what they call normal? Are you really, truly so socially isolated that you can’t even talk to people without feeling like you’re intruding?

That’s when you start eating less, sleeping less, laughing less. Everything drops like a rollercoaster and you’re in for this horrible ride you can’t control. The only thing you can do is cry more. Cry like this pathetic loser at nothing. You’re upset at everything yet at nothing at the same time. You can’t even explain it to yourself so how could you possibly expect for others to understand?

It’s time for you to fake it. Fake that you’re totally fine and push past everyday. You try to grasp at those few happy moments, setting up a face of optimism just to please others. Maybe if you’re happy all the people that ignored you will like you more. You have to change yourself somehow to be validated by others; it’s the only way…

You’re desperate. No one else starts to care even though you’ve changed. Your flaws will outweigh the few positives that you have. When was the last time anyone bothered talking to you? Can you recall the last time anyone even asked how you were doing? You’re that insufferable.

What more can you do? The smallest things have you curled up crying. You can hear the voices of people yelling at you for being a selfish, conceited, spoiled brat. You have everything and you choose to cry? What an ungrateful monster… What expectations do you even have? Thousands of people would trade all they have to be able to live your life. You know all of it is true but you don’t choose to be unhappy. Not this time. This time, you can’t even seem to know why you’re shattering and that’s the most difficult part of this. You know that this isn’t how you want to be; you want to be able to smile and laugh and not care about what others think of you. However, as you cage yourself in more and more, the prospect of happiness seems to diminish by the minute.

You yell and scream at the world. You try to blame it on others, but it only makes you feel worse. It slowly becomes so hard on you that the only way you can keep track of the control you have on your body and mind is by drawing thin scars on it. Everyday, when no one is watching, not that they ever really were, you clutch at a sharp edge and meticulously let yourself bleed out. Perhaps your sorrow can seep out of your body the way your blood does.

One day, you press too hard. You draw too many lines, and you’re left drowning in the silence that you feared so much. You feel yourself fading away and you don’t have it in you to scream or cry out for any help that might be out there. You know you were alone all along in this battle between your mind and body and they have finally surrendered.

Even in your last moments you worry. You worry that people will hate you even more than they do so now. You want to cry one last time, but your tears have dried, leaving only a stinging behind in your eyes that are so tired of it all. When will it all end? You had thought. Then you realize that the ending you asked for was right now. An ending that you had written.

To your surprise, as you watch from above, a multitude of people mourn your disappearance and yearn for you to come back to them. Your family and the few friends that spoke with you whenever possible were crying and struggling to make it through a single day without wanting you back.

They may go back to normal after a while, but they will forever feel betrayed that you left without a warning. Your siblings are bitter for a while because your parents can’t seem to pull it together, yet they too will realize how important you were in their lives. It’s too late now because you seem to have caused more problems than you solved by choosing that path. You regret, but nothing will change.

Then you wake up from that hellish nightmare. You’re still alive; weak, but breathing. You should never end your life like this. It’s the only nightmare you welcome because it keeps you going each step of the way. You huddle with your knees tucked into your chest. It hurts, still. It hurts to breathe and you don’t think you’ll ever come to accept that maybe you’re enough just being yourself.

The small things still have you falling apart and the people around you scold you for needing this approval. Such an unnecessary part of life that you crave. This, in itself, is this drug that you can’t seem to abstain from. Something is wrong with you and you need to fix yourself somehow. You try to talk to people and they shut you out. Others pretend to understand this mentality that you go through and offer you all the advice they can, but you don’t seem to have the heart to tell them none of it works.

So many voices in your mind keep firing shots at each other trying to get you to listen to their own side. This endless tug of war pushes and pulls at you from inside. Music has no meaning, books don’t have the impact they used to. You attempt to start conversations, but they’re all so dull. You try as hard to put the broken pieces back together, but you have no glue to hold them in place and for every piece you put back, 2 more fall off.

Happiness-- it is in your own hands, so you try to get the help you need but no one can. What does it take to prove to yourself that this isn’t all your fault? That one nightmare is the only thing preventing you from ending it all here and now. Soon, living will become worse than dying and you dread the day you will begin to feel that way.

Like a mantra, you mutter that it’s not always your fault, attempting in vain to convince yourself… none of this works, though. Despite how some people tell you nothing is wrong, you know full and well that what they say is a lie, one you see right through. Trust is a foreign concept, and, with no one to turn to, you let your life be ruined; it falls through the gaps in your fingers like sand, ever so slowly.

Finally, finally, someone sticks around long enough to reach out to you, and they extend a hand to pull you out of the grave you’ve dug for yourself. Before you can find out who helped you, they vanish, just like that. You’re alone once more… yet you must decide whether you will stand or fall again.

Because when no one hears you, you feel like you’re drowning.

And when no one understands you, you feel like you’re dying.

But when someone reaches out to you, you feel like you can hope once more.

[kpopisagif-t]

Ermergersh SHE ACTUALLY DID IT. Everyone wanted her to perform the switch version live and she FUCKING DID IT. TELL ME THAT ISNT THE GAYEST THING OMFG. My gay ass feels so blessed

[kpopisagif-t]

Elevator- Jonghyun POV x OC Fic

A/N Truth be told, I’ve had this fic kinda just shoved in a corner with a bunch of my other stories. I actually really like this one but I was being lazy and not posting it. I also felt it was a bit too dark to put it up, but now I figure, why the hell not. If you guys like really sad stories (or so I think) then you should read this. WARNING: It’s HELLA long. It wasn’t supposed to be a fic in the first place but don’t kill me guyz. 

Inspiration for this fic was from Jonghyun’s song Elevator. I have a playlist for you guys to listen to while you read this. It’s a compilation of beautiful Jonghyun Ballads/Songs :) Hope you like: 

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzqG6sj9xMTuo4tWqFq-7bVyqY1_c91b5

A pair of slender arms snaked around the man’s built waist.

In his black muscle tank, and his dark washed jeans. With his tattooed arms and faded blonde hair. Displaying piercing eyes and a brooding look. The man could only be described by others as sinful.

And sinful he was. From his thoughts, to his looks, to his desires, to his fears… they were all sinful. He could only described himself as a fallen angel; someone shattered so deeply that the fragments could only be rearranged to make him seem like a devil. Once a perfection, once a ray of light… so flawless that the world couldn’t accept him, sentencing him, not to die as a devil upon earth, but to live as an angel in hell.

The name of the man itself could not be uttered. As the whole world would then hear his pain and agony, yet be able to do nothing to numb the torture this man suffered from. The people of this world simply played him, over and over. He was meant to draw the attention of others, to make them lust for him, only to have them flee from him in the end.

Such was the life of Kim Jonghyun. A prisoner in his own life, left to suffer the same loss, each and every day. Spend every breathing moment, repenting for sins that he’d never committed. Watching every single person, hoping eternally, to find someone to free him from this curse. Left to keep begging, to some ethereal being above, to send him someone different for once.

And so when the arms wrapped around him and brought him closer to a warm body, he felt nothing. He turned, like he always had, to face the woman who’d approached him. They all looked the same to him now. The same wild hair and smirking lips. They all tilted their head the same way as their eyes asked for permission to claim him. They would send a whisper his way, promising Jonghyun that they were different, when in reality, nothing in his world ever was.

Still, an indescribable force always compelled him to repeat his actions, despite his thoughts warning him against putting himself through another night of torment. Every time, he would simply return a small smile of his own and allow a stranger’s lips to attack his.

Every bone in his body would work against his rationality that fought to stop himself before he let the lust control him. No matter how solid he made his resolve though, Jonghyun found himself giving in to it all, knowing full and well that this was all just a way of chipping away at what little humanity he had left within him. A slow, excruciating, punishment that he had no choice but to bitterly accept.

“My name’s Luna,” the girl whispered, in attempt to be seductive. “What’s yours?” she asked, arching her back to allow her catch for the night, who was now kissing down her neck, better access.

As always, Jonghyun mumbled an incomprehensive phrase, unwilling to reveal his true name and muttering something along the lines of  “Jjong,”; a comment that would never reach the other’s ears… This was fine by Jonghyun, for names held power. So much so, that this very power could piece him back together… or tear him further apart.

“Let’s go,” Luna smiled mischievously, separating Jonghyun’s lips from her collarbone. She laced her fingers through his hands, hopping off the dusty bar top. Luna brushed the dust off her skirt and straightened it. She beamed with a slightly childish grin that she knew men found quite endearing. Boldly, Luna grabbed the hand of the devilishly attractive man.

Jonghyun sighed internally and allowed himself to follow the beautiful girl out the door. He watched the way her hips swayed to the lulling silence of the night. Or the genuine, innocent way Luna’s smile brightened even the bleakest of moments. The most extraordinary thing was evidently the voice of angel which Luna possessed.  A sing-song melody in every word she spoke, no doubt her most powerful way of enticing hopeless men like Jonghyun himself.

He couldn’t deny the glow of the girl. Though they all looked the same after infinite endless nights, his mind was convinced that there was a different sort of sparkle in Luna’s eyes. His thoughts attempted to persuade him into believing that there was a swirling galaxy of secrets hidden in Luna’s eyes.

This, he figured, was also something that happened every night though he could recollect no memory of ever finding one of the previous girls this captivating. Yet the dull throb in his heart told him that no matter how hard he sought to find something different, each night would only leave him colder than the last.

Still, he guided her to his home. The same path he took home every night, the same road he took to let himself be ruined once more. They stopped on the way, for a few more breathless kisses as Luna laughed. It sounded more refreshing than any spring breeze to Jonghyun. The way her eyes crinkled up as she lived in the moment and how she tightened her grip on Jonghyun’s hand almost as if she was assuring him that she wasn’t one to leave. The reality was probably far from all that though. Luna was a mystical siren and Jonghyun was just another one of her pitiful victims.

They reached an apartment no different from all the other ones that dotted the city with their flickering lights. They entered a dimly-lit lobby that hummed its own somber tune as air gushed through the vents. Luna and Jonghyun were in no hurry as they waited for the elevator, and each, for their own reason, wanted to stretch the moment.

Luna sought to make this night a memorable one, unlike the others she’d been with. Luna found her high in making sure the night would be unforgettable for both of them. The instant she’d spotted the secretive man, she knew he’d be promising in leaving a memory behind. And in the back of her mind, she secretly wished for her time with this man to last longer than a one-night stand.

Jonghyun, however, sought to prolong the inevitable end to this night. Hold off, just a while longer, under the pretense of somehow fighting his fate. He wanted to deny the feelings and need that welled inside of him despite having never met this girl before. He wanted to act as if he was in control of his meaningless life. He wanted to finally be able to make someone stay…

The ring of the elevator in a soft corner of both their minds brought them back to reality. Luna stepped in first and Jonghyun followed. Jonghyun saw the look in Luna’s eyes as the doors shut behind them. The wild eyes that clouded with lust as they took in every inch of Jjong’s impossibly perfect body.

Luna attacked Jonghyun’s lips, no longer innocent nor tender, giving the latter barely enough time to press the button to his floor. The instant his hand drew back, he held onto Luna’s hips as if it was his lifeline and as if it tied him to a heavenly fantasy instead of this miserable, hellish realm of reality. Jonghyun pushed the delicate girl’s body against the glossy wall of the elevator that seemed to defy time as it moved up ever so slowly.

Silky legs entwined themselves around Jonghyun’s waist as Luna deepened their heated kiss and begged for more. The serene melody of a piano that filled the elevator was of stark contrast to the impatient movements of Jjong and Luna. The less-than-timid girl allowed her fingers to roam the arms of the evasive man, tracing the tattoos she could see and then being rewarded with a shudder that ran through his body in response to her delicate tormenting.

Finally, the doors slid open, revealing a magnificent view that unravelled before Luna’s eyes. She was stunned, to say the very least, as she took in the entire penthouse that no doubt belonged to her mystery man. The skyline of a city embellished with glowing gems of light took what was left of Luna’s breath away.

As Jonghyun carefully stepped out of the elevator, neither of them made any move to pull themselves apart from the other. Luna remained entangled, clinging onto the sturdy arms of the man, peppering his face with butterfly kisses as she was carried gently to the bedroom of the lavish penthouse.

Jjong was just as, if not more, stunned as Luna but for his own reasons. For the first time since he’d been sentenced to nights of pleasure suspended in pain, the girl he brought back home hadn’t stopped to marvel at the sight of his grand yet lonely prison.

Instead, as he settled Luna onto the mattress, he saw her smile back at him, almost wistfully. He gently brushed back the hair from her eyes, but was caught off-guard as Luna yanked him down into an almost punishing kiss.

Luna gazed into his eyes, not with sympathy, but rather with empathy. “Talk to me… tell me honestly… Please don’t hide… don’t hide please…” she repeated the words, trying to coax the well- hidden secrets out of this undoubtedly broken man.

Jonghyun, however, was immune to the effect of these words. Or so he wanted to be. He knew well enough to not be affected by those words. The same words they’d all told him, over and over. All the false promises they’d made to understand him. Somehow, though, Luna’s words were washing over him worse than the others’ words ever had. Usually, his restraint remained strong for longer before all the emotions spilt.

Though it took great effort, he managed to hold it back, and remained silent as he always had. Luna sensed his reluctance and let it go. Instead, she spoke in a comforting voice, “You must be hurting tremendously. Don’t hide the pain. Don’t treat me gently and even if you can’t offer me any words, the least you could do is not hold back.”

Her request was granted as Jjong pinned Luna down onto the silk sheets of the bed. With heavy breaths, Jonghyun leaned down to capture Luna’s lips in a kiss. He could feel her smirk under his lips as her hands fisted at the black tank.

Just as Jonghyun pulled away, a wave of cool air hit his chest and he glanced down to find the fabric of his top in 2 pieces in Luna’s hand. He could tell she was challenging him, daring him to take the bait that he had to every night. A bait he should’ve been able to resist but couldn’t think of a reason to when he needed to.  Jonghyun could feel himself lose control of his own thoughts. The same sense of falling through emptiness suffocated him. Fully conscious with no control.

Seeing Luna taunt him and bite her lip drove Jonghyun insane. Without warning, he ripped the buttons off Luna’s billowy top, exposing her bare chest. Jonghyun drew in a breath as he noticed the lack of undergarments. Luna couldn’t help but wear a smug and satisfied expression, knowing that she’d made him become like this. Then she remembered that if any of her suspicions had been correct, she truly had made him lose control in the literal sense. Something Luna herself knew was more than just dangerous.

She felt guilty for pushing him beyond his limits, but there was no other ending to this story she knew. All Luna asked for was a night worth remembering. Whether those memories held would remind her of a moment of ecstasy or a moment of regret was an entirely different story.

Jonghyun’s mouth found Luna’s breasts as he sucked on them, eliciting moans from the girl. His right hand kneaded the other, and though his touch was soft, the movements were rough and aggressive, coming together to form the perfect amount of pleasurable pain for Luna.

Her slender fingers clutched at the sturdy arms and her nails dug into the skin there. Jjong paused, for a brief moment, as he breathed heavily. His vanilla scented breath fanned Luna and she all but melted. Her gaze bore into the man’s eyes and she caught a fleeting emotion pass through him: fearful apprehension.

Dread washed over Jonghyun as he held himself up above the pristine body of Luna. Never had he felt so hesitant to cross the line. Never had he once thought about the girls he had slept with’s feelings because he knew what they craved. For that matter he was almost always resentful towards them for being able to play him over and over.

This time however, a different type of fear clouded his thoughts. No longer did he concern about revealing the darkness in him or the pain that he would suffer. No, this time the only thought that plagued his mind was the apprehension behind exposing Luna to the darkness that was him.

As always though, lust infused him and the need to sate himself with pleasure grew within him. Screwing his eyes shut, he let out a huff of air then reopened his eyes. He caught Luna’s eyes observing his every movement. She moved to wrap her hand around Jonghyun’s neck and he took in the beauty of the woman that laid beneath him.

He gasped as Luna’s fingers ghosted down his torso; a chilling sensation which brought blood rushing to his nether regions. The delicate pads of Luna’s fingertips pressed harshly down on the growing bulge. The other hand reached down to loop around the buckle of his belt and drew him closer with a hard tug. Now pressed against Luna, Jonghyun’s lips frantically sought to connect with Luna’s, wanting nothing more than to feel the warmth of her mouth.

The friction of their lips was indescribable. Rational thought was abandoned as the 2 moved their bodies in sync with each other. Each kiss reflecting and expressing the pain they suffered and all the perils they’d endured. The long, languid kisses begged time to slow down and allow them a blissful night beneath the dazzling stars that made them covet just a few more moments of ecstasy.

They allowed their senses to take over and took the time to explore each other’s bodies, as if the following day was a lifetime away. Ignorance was bliss, after all.

Jonghyun, unable to bear the pressure that coiled in his stomach any longer, yanked down Luna’s skirt and marveled at her beautiful, sturdy thighs that hooked themselves onto Jonghyun’s pelvis. Luna’s hands flew across the buckle and buttons of his pants, undoing them in a heated frenzy and pulling them down.

Their clothes were discarded in a pile, flung far across the room. The instant Luna’s touch reached Jonghyun’s core, a low, throaty growl interrupted the silence. As much as he ached to end this as soon as possible, he couldn’t help but want to please Luna as much as possible. He wanted to treat her like a princess. Like her name itself, Jonghyun planned on taking her to the moon and back again…  Just to make this a night worth remembering.

He moved himself off Luna and closer to the foot of the bed. Jonghyun pressed delicate kisses along the sides of Luna’s thighs, occasionally nipping at the skin. He admired her wide hips as he spread her tense legs apart.

When the pair of lips that had just trailed her entire body touched her folds, Luna wanted to lock her legs and never let the sensation leave. Luna had been with plenty of others, but no one else compared to this. Her eyes rolled back as a muffled “Oh my,” escaped between gasps.

The feeling only intensified when a tongue slipped inside of her. Luna’s hands desperately clutched the sheets, grasping at the perfection of the feeling.

Jonghyun’s own needs called, and he reluctantly moved his lips away from Luna’s addicting core. The latter whimpered at the loss of contact only to feel Jjong’s length pressed against her at once. Luna rocked her hips, desperate to have him fill the void in her, prompting him to enter her.

No longer able to remain deliberate and delicate with his movements, Jonghyun thrust into her and allowed Luna’s nails to rake his back. Every whimper, moan, and shudder hit Jonghyun like a cold breeze, heightening his senses.

Unable to handle the immense amount of pleasure that shook her body as tension built up inside of her, Luna clung on as if her life was on the line. As much as she’d loved the sweet, sensitive kisses, what she craved was a faster pace. One that would leave her breathless and spent beyond her own comprehensibility.

Responding to the sounds that fell from Luna’s lips, Jonghyun’s movements became erratic and feverish. He leaned down to connect his lips with Luna’s once again, their tongues tangling as each held off their release for as long as they could.

Finally, neither were able to hold back and let go of themselves. A shudder shook Luna’s body as her legs trembled. They reached their highs and Luna’s velvety walls clenched Jonghyun, pushing him over the edge. Luna hugged Jonghyun close to her, mumbling that it was okay to release all the pent up pain, sorrow and frustration into her.

They collapsed onto the silken sheets, wrapped in each other’s arms. To call it an out of body experience would be an understatement. Even the moon wasn’t fit to describe the lengths the two had gone to. It was as if in the darkest corner of the universe they’d collided and scattered glowing stars.

Spent and exhausted, Luna and Jonghyun found themselves succumbing to sleep, unaware of the despair it held and oblivious to the fallout that would cost them something more than life itself.

***

Jonghyun was stuck in the nightmare once more. An eternity had passed since that day, yet the memory was still a fresh wound in Jonghyun’s heart. The only thing that changed was the girl in the dream. Every night, the girl he’d just slept with would appear. The only difference between the real girl and the one in his nightmares would be their eye color. They would never match. And they would be the last thing he saw before he’d wake up in the middle of the night.

Just like every night, Jonghyun found himself tied to a chair, forced to watch a horrendous scene unfold before his eyes.

The body of a lifeless Luna slumped against the cold cement wall. It was the girl who he’d just left after sleeping with. He’d figured they were just another one-night stand and left as the dawn broke, not bothering to check how the other was feeling.

Though it was an innocent mistake, what he hadn’t known was that a dangerous stalker had watched him leave the girl’s apartment. Jonghyun had no idea how much the girl would suffer due to his reckless abandonment. The instant he’d left, the stalker had gone after her and forcefully took her to a deserted building.

It was at this very building that Jonghyun found himself, tied up against a chair, every single night, to witness what the sickening bastard would do to the girl he had just been with. While he had left without a care, the girl was being punished.

Here he was, back in the same cell, resenting himself for not being more careful with his actions. The stalker came in and picked Luna up like a ragdoll, then placed her on a freezing metal surface. He grabbed Luna’s chin and gave her a punishing kiss.

“You like this don’t you? Pain is pleasure for you isn’t it?” he rasped. Luna whimpered and hid behind the locks of hair that framed her face. Jonghyun watched in horror as he grabbed her hair and hit her thighs with a short, chilling laugh.

Luna could only shake her head in denial. In response, the stalker grabbed a syringe and plunged it into the side of her upper arm. Luna’s body shook vehemently and stilled suddenly.

“Do you still want to deny my touch,” he asked in a sickeningly sweet voice. Restraint etched the features of her face but as the drug entered her system, her voice could only croak out a small and weak “Yes.”

Jonghyun averted his gaze as guilt filled him. Through the entire night, he could hear Luna’s screams and shrieks. He could feel her pain as it pricked him like needles throughout his body.

The following morning, when he opened his eyes, he watched helplessly as the mental stalker dropped a naked Luna onto the floor next to him. The stalker could neither see nor sense Jonghyun’s presence and left the basement.

Jonghyun wanted to scream and go after the horrible monster after what he’d just done to a poor, defenseless, kind women. It couldn’t right what had gone wrong, but if Jonghyun was to suffer, so should the fiend who’d stripped a girl of any of her own will. However, the ropes that bound him to the chair were not ones that could be cut with a knife. They were his curse; forcing him to watch the same horror story, night after night, all to make him repent his unintended, yet unforgivable actions.

Luna’s frail body shook beside him on the floor as she coughed, eyes still tightly shut. Then, suddenly, unable to sit up any longer, she collapsed. Luna gasped her final breath and opened her eyes and all Jonghyun could do was stare regretfully into her amber-golden eyes. Eyes that had once held light, life, and the entire galaxy were now clouded, pained and filled with despair.

It was this that shattered Jonghyun. It trapped him in a never ending cycle of loathing and resentment. The same way he’d left the girl in the hands of a devil, every night he would fall for a one-night stand, unable to control his actions as the girls in his nightmares. Subject to a drug that made them sell their bodies. He suffered just as they did. Girls would throw themselves at him and he’d lose his control. He’d let them use him only to have them abandon him once they discovered his night terrors.

Worst of all, were the words of admittance he’d spill to them. Forcing them to see the broken creature he’d turned into. It was his words that would ultimately drive them away. Left in a million pieces, unable to take his own life, he would watch his reflection on the elevator door as they fled his prison. His haggard reflection would remind him of the monster he was… and make him regret.

***

When he woke up from his nightmare, he found his head cradled in Luna’s arms as sobs wracked his body. He was taken aback by the display of affection, especially since he had been so cold to Luna. Usually the girls he spent the night would be disturbed if not revolted by his own weakness, but here Luna was, comforting him.

Luna ran her fingers gently through Jonghyun’s hair. She’d heard him gasp her name in his sleep and cry aloud for God to somehow protect her. Her own heart hurt to hear the sobs and she held Jonghyun close by her. “Tell me, honestly... Don’t hide, please,” Luna whispered.

“How long have you been crying? You…” Luna trailed off, asking Jonghyun with her eyes to reveal all of his truths and secrets to her.

He wanted to stop himself, he really did, but he knew he’d inevitably lose Luna as well. He clutched Luna’s hands and pulled her off the bed. He spoke with a cracked voice, “I believe I know all the trifling stories of the world,” Jonghyun started. It was the same admission he’d expressed every night. “I believe… I know them all…” his voice broke and faltered.

“I don’t know you… I don’t know you…” he started to deny repeatedly with tears streaming down his face as he pounded his fist into the wall.

“Tell me honestly, I know you’re feeling so lonely… Tell me honestly… You know you can’t go on like this. You can’t hide the pain forever…” Luna reminded him, her own voice giving out at the end as she trailed her finger down the side of Jonghyun’s cheek and cupped it.

Jonghyun nodded and led Luna to a mirror in the corner of his room. He faced the mirror and when Luna looked at him in it, she gasped. “Say hello to my haggard reflection,” Jonghyun croaked with his eyes bloodshot.

Scars lined every inch of his body. Scars from the numerous times he’d attempted to end his own life. But, in order for him to end it, he’d have to have lived in the first place. No, he was nothing but a remnant of a guilty soul.

They were the cuts and bruises that burned him for mere seconds only to heal themselves on the outside once more. When they saw his scarred body in the mirror, they ran. They all left. A new scar would mark his body after every girl left and after decades, there was no real beauty left in the truest form of himself.

Jonghyun expected Luna to flee out the doors, but instead she gripped his hand even tighter. She stepped in front of him and stood before the mirror. Jonghyun’s eyes widened at Luna’s golden- amber irises. The same shade and depth the Luna in his dream had.

When Luna turned around to face him, he found himself staring into her chocolate-brown eyes. Slowly, however, the color morphed into that golden-amber pigment that Jonghyun had just witnessed in the mirror.

Luna smiled forlornly up at Jonghyun. Finally she’d remembered as well. He was Jonghyun. The man who had made the last night of her previous life worth living in. She realized the moment she had seen him in the bar that he was a man filled with grief and regret. Luna realized that he’d been suffering unjustly all this time. After years of punishment, Luna had finally been sent to forgive the broken man of his sins. After all this time, she could liberate him.

“It’s me. The girl you left all those years ago. Thank you for that amazing night. I think you know what happened to me afterwards, but I hold none of it against you. You don’t deserve to relive the nightmare I went through. You don’t deserve any of this. I forgive you, Jonghyun.”

Luna uttered his name for the first time, but the world could not hear his pain and agony, for Luna had freed it all. She stood on her toes to kiss Jonghyun’s lips.

“Please, don’t leave me,” Jonghyun begged Luna. “I won’t,” Luna assured, but even as she promised that, she could see her hand beginning to fade. With that, Jonghyun collapsed out of sheer exhaustion into Luna’s arms and fell asleep. Luna tucked him into the bed and stayed beside him.

Jonghyun opened his eyes at the crack of dawn. It was the first time he’d slept peacefully. The bed was empty though, much to his dismay, and by his bedside table was a single note:

“I’m deeply sorry I could not stay,

It seems that I do not belong in this realm any longer.

Don’t worry, I’m the last that will leave you.

It’s now your turn to forgive me… Mianhe”

--Luna

He was betrayed once more. Jonghyun’s heart was on the verge of splitting apart into two. However, the sound of the elevator doors opening pulled him out of his trance as he ran out to meet the doors of the elevator that Luna stood in front of.

“Don’t leave me,” he wanted to call out, but his voice failed to work. Luna stepped inside and turned to face him. She smiled one last smile at him. Her amber eyes were flooded with tears that streamed down her face.

“Don’t worry, Jonghyun, I’m the last. We’ve spent 2 nights together but I’ll say what I didn’t get to back then. I love you, Jonghyun, please forgive me for the pain I’ve caused you. Annyeong.”

The doors of the elevators began to close, but before Jonghyun could even stop them, a single tear from Luna fell to the ground and she vanished into thin air, right before Jonghyun’s eyes.

Though Jonghyun had been left behind by countless people, and though they’d left all the scars behind, Luna leaving him hurt more than any of the others. She had driven the final dagger through Jonghyun’s heart, left the final scar.

Jonghyun stared at his own reflection, casted on the closing elevator door. “Annyeong,” he whispered to his haggard reflection. It was time he left his prison and the devil within him forever.

His entire being shattered into a thousand fragments and a single teardrop hit the ground.

Soooooo... that was not a very happy story. Did it make you cry? Lemme know if it did :P. In all seriousness, this is such a beautiful song, Elevator and I’m total SHINee trash so this was so much ‘fun’ to write. Obligatory Jonghyun gifs/pics below because the man is an angel...

[kpopisagif-t]

Changes?

Hey to my 5 followers! This is a shitty tumblog that fails to update even once in a month. However, I have decided to make this an open blog. A place where people can get probably trashy life advice from me (basically all the shit you shouldn't do that I did), a place to talk about any weird topics, and a place where I will occasionally post my horrible, emotional, often kpop related stories. I may get a lil personal on here but that's only bc only like 3 ppl I know have any idea that I have this acc… don't mind me 😜. I'm a big believer in being open so if anyone has like something they're too scared to tell someone irl about then you may ask me and I'll just listen 😊. If you wanna read my really sad stories (tho they're kinda long) lemme know! Have a gr8 day guys!

[kpopisagif-t]

One More Day- A Sistar MV fic

A/N Hoi Guyz! Remember that lesbian story I promised y’all way back when? Well, I finally did it! RIP my classes that I’m gonna fail because I spent way too long writing this. I rlly hope you like this because it has a special place in my heart. Even though this is a Kpop story, the characters, as you can see have no kpop- affiliation as they were simply the actresses in SISTAR’s MV, so you can share this with anyone. I loved One More Day the first time I heard it, song, MV, LGBT, and everything in between. This is a story I really do treasure since I do believe that people should always stand up for being themselves. Spread the love and if you haven’t already, check out the MV. Thank You my lovely reader(s) :) 

WARNING: CONTAINS LGBTQ RELATIONSHIPS, MILD ABUSE, SOME STRONG LANGUAGE AND SAFE USAGE OF ALCOHOL. 

NOTE: Eodiya: Korean for ‘where are you’; Dowajule: Korean for ‘help me’; and Nae Insaeng: Korean for ‘my life/everything’

Genre: Angst/M/Fluff/Smut/Kpop(?)      

Characters: Hong Soohyun and Haena Song

"You wanna fuck her? Is she your girlfriend you fucking slut? Is that how low you've gone? Perhaps I should remind you what it's like to be normal… I leave you crying for a day and you run to her you pathetic whore. What does she have? You 2 are homeless wenches, no wonder your families kicked you out," Haena's ex laughs menacingly. He grabs her by the hair and shoves her onto the floor.

I want to break every single bone of that asshole's body for hurting Haena like that, but I'm paralyzed. I'm stuck as the weight of the poles crush my legs. Tears stream down my face as my blood caked fingers grasp desperately at empty air. My eyes remain wide as I watch my poor Haena get kicked across the floor by that sorry excuse of a human. Haena lets out a choked sob that breaks my heart. I feel sorrow well up in my chest. Then, that sorrow shifts into anger and frustration and the anger turns into rage. Finally, within the darkness of the night that smothers all hope, my rage turns into fire.

I find myself sitting on a blue couch across from my close friend, Haena, and her boyfriend, Jaekyung. I watch them thread their hands together as Haena snuggles into Jaekyung’s shoulder, giggling. Jaekyun smirks, and I notice that he gives me wink out of the corner of my eyes. I purse my lips hesitantly then allow myself to give him a small, tight smile back, out of courtesy.

It's not that I don't like him, per-se, but I just don't trust Jaekyung. I’d disapproved of him and warned Haena after she first introduced me to him, but she brushed me off. I didn't press the matter, but he still gives me bad vibes; like he has a secret that no one knows about. Then again, I suppose I do too. It's not much of a secret since Haena and my family know. It's the reason I'm stuck in a dingy apartment in the first place.

On a brighter note, I only told my family once I graduated college, so even though they kicked me out, I wasn't technically left an orphan or as a homeless 20 year old. Still, my family's financial support would've been nice for a few years. I repeatedly tell myself that I did the right thing; With Haena’s support, I have learned to believe my own words… almost. Naively so, I had thought that I would rather not hide my true self, even if it meant being detached my family. I guess a small part of me hoped they would accept me still.

I was wrong, of course, but what else should I expect? The only person that didn’t mind the revelation was my younger sister, Yeonhyun, who had found out a few weeks earlier about my well guarded-secret. She’s in secondary school and she seemingly found out when she had snooped through my diary. I yelled at her at the start, but before I knew it, I was crying into her shoulder for comfort. She seemed to understand how internally broken I felt and even supported my choice of telling me parents that I was, indeed, lesbian. I made her promise though, not to say anything in my favor or try to stand up for me if our parents decided that I was a mistake or if they kicked me out, which they did. I told her that her schooling is much more important and that we could meet once she was done and if she still wanted me around. Yeonhyun was on the verge of tears and I could feel her wanting to run and hug me when our parents disowned me, but, like she promised, she held her tongue.

Generally, I prefer not to complain about having the worst life because people have it far worse than me. I never curse my parents, nor do I regret my choices of telling them either as I have learned to not hold a grudge against people who don’t understand what it’s like to be in your shoes. Of course, that doesn’t make any hurtful actions acceptable; and misunderstandings are far different than intentionally hurting someone for who they are. Being in denial is only natural for strict parents like mine but it doesn’t make the hurt any less.

I know in my heart that what I did was the right thing. Lying to almost everyone one was tearing at me from within, ever so slowly. I’m an adult and I’m more than capable of handling myself. I don’t have a girlfriend, for that matter, but I’ve been ambushed more than a few times after coming out of a gay bar. They don’t have many of them here in South Korea, but in big cities like Seoul or Gwangju, if you look in the right place, you will spot one.

Drinking is definitely not something I enjoy doing often, nor do I go to bars in hopes of finding a person for the night. Cocktails and drinks are simply a way of erasing bitter memories as soon as possible and the loud music helps me drown out the reality of my life. The main reason I go to gay bars, however, is to assure myself that I’m not a freak. That there are people like me even in such homophobic corners of the world. It’s nice knowing that you’re not an abnormalcy; it's just society that fears the new and shuns it.

Haena has been the only person to come to the bar with me a few times. She insisted on accompanying me twice: Once when I had just been kicked out & a second time when I had been verbally harassed by a group of college students who had somehow found out about me being a lesbian. Although I appreciated that she set aside any of her time to help me deal with my issues, most of the time I preferred to go alone. The comfort of dulling the constant, heavy ache in one’s chest is bittersweet alone. I’d rather not drag Haena into my personal mess though, not to mention that most of the pain in me is caused by the blonde, bubbly girl herself.

Faintly I hear Haena mumble something incoherent. I shake myself out of my trance to see Haena gaze at me, wide-eyed with concern. Her lips, however, are tipped up in a nonchalant smile, indicating otherwise. I watch her thread her fingers through her boyfriend’s mindlessly, but her eyes are fixated on me. Jaekyun leans down to kiss Haena’s cheek and an inexplicable feeling courses in my veins. I stand abruptly as Haena’s smile becomes a frown. Shaking my head, I turn to walk out the door.

What was I even doing here? Haena had invited me to stay at Jaekyun’s until they fixed the electricity and water lines in our apartment or dingy box rather. Having nowhere else to go, I had reluctantly agreed. Now, I realize that agreeing had been a mistake. Not only am I intruding on their couple time but every time Jaekyun touches my Haena, I want to either shove him off her or cry, neither of which seems like a good idea.

I pause for a brief second when Haena calls out my name. “Soohyun-ah where are you going?”

After contemplating for a fraction of a second, I turn my head to look back and with another plastered smile, I tell her, “I really feel like I’m intruding on your time here. Thank you though, for offering your place but I feel like it would be better if I just went to a hotel nearby for the night.”

Haena starts to protest, but I cut her off. “It’s okay, really, I’ll be fine,” I assure her.

“Soohyun-ah, my purse is outside and you can take some money for the hotel room I-”

“It’s fine Haena, I can handle it,” I insist with a look that says don’t push it to Haena.

“Bu-” she begins before Jaekyun interrupts. “For goodness sake, Haena, she said she was fine. You can’t just spend quality time with everyone. Besides, she’s an adult, she’ll be fine without her friend for one night.”

I don’t know how to react to his statement. I want to thank him for convincing Haena that I’d be fine on my own but the edged undertone of his voice combined with the way he said it makes me shiver. Instead of responding, I simply walk out of Jaekyun’s bedroom. I’m almost out the front door when I realize that I left my purse outside the bedroom and as I walk back to retrieve it. I hear their conversation through the door:

“Oh my fucking god Haena. Can you calm the hell down instead of worrying about her like you’re her mother or something? It’s bad enough you dragged her here but now you want go after her? You really sound so goddamn pathetic at times. Can you just be quiet and watch this movie with me?” Jaekyun says, exasperatedly.

“I don’t like horror movies like this, Jae, you know that,” Haena whispers unnaturally. I frown at her almost submissive tone. After years of knowing her, I’ve grown to realize that Haena is NEVER the quiet type; she’ll argue her way through everything which is why I worry when I hear the way she talks.

“Are you going to complain, Haena?” Jaekyun coos in an almost venomous voice but I shake off the bad feeling in my gut. Perhaps they’re just having a small disagreement, I tell myself and walk out of the apartment before my feet can stop me. I can’t shake the uneasiness off me, so I decide to head to the bar in order to forget. It’s only 8pm and that means plenty of time to get back to a hotel before 12.

Waving my hand out at the corner of a near empty street, I hail a taxi to Gwangju city square. I rest my elbow on the taxi door and stare out at the lights that line the streets. I sigh aloud and my mind wonders back to Haena.

The truth is, I’ve fallen for her. I sometimes think it’s just my misplaced trust in her and not really how I feel. It could even be that I feel so grateful to her for sticking by me that I’ve convinced myself that I love her in more than a friend way. I would be satisfied with that explanation except I find myself feeling more and more jealous of her relationships. My whole day brightens at her dimpled smile and sarcastic answers and hilarious rants. I can't help but be drawn to her.

My mind wanders back to a few months back when something unthinkable of happened…

I shut my eyes tightly and tried to tuck this memory into a corner of my mind. Wanting to treasure this moment forever. It was perhaps the first time I really accepted my sexuality and came to terms with my feelings.

I opened my eyes slowly and saw a mischievous smile playing over Haena’s lips. Her eyes were closed, though and I sighed aloud, running my fingers through her blonde hair. It was the day my parents had kicked me out. I had planned for it to happen so Haena and I had decided to rent out a small apartment earlier. Haena had been shunned by her family as well but not so severely. To start of Haena’s family wasn’t very rich and she was expected to help support the family since her older sister was, to put it lightly, a fuck up. Yuna would often get herself drunk and not come home till the late hours. After a while she too got kicked out of their household, unable to support Haena’s 3 other siblings.

Haena, a rising model, was expected to marry one of her close friends from her childhood, who was, of course, quite rich. When Haena refused, consequently also letting them know of her bisexuality, her parents found her to be a burden in the household and told her to go live on her own. They still kept in contact with Haena; they were concerned about her but they simply could not support her. Haena managed well for living without any other support though, wearing a smile everyday despite it all.

So there we were, lying on the mattress in our dimly lit bedroom splashed with magenta & violet hues; the shadows cast made the room seem like a fusion between a sinister sunset and the enticing environment of a silenced club. Haena had promised that if my parents kicked me out, we would forget it all and have a slumber party just as we once did as children. It felt far too dreary to be any sort of party though. As I watched the angel named Haena rest on my lap, I couldn’t help but want to let tears fall. I was so pitiful sometimes. When I’d first learned of Haena’s bisexuality I couldn’t help but feel a spark of false hope in me that yearned to be the girl that Haena would fall for. However, I’d set the bar for happiness in life far too high, for it only fell back down on me.

Suddenly I felt Haena get up off me. “This is no way to spend a slumber party, all mopey and upset,” she exclaimed, pulling me off the bed. I let her drag me without protest, too caught up in my clouded thoughts to really pay Haena much mind. I found myself being pushed onto the couch. Haena fell onto the pillows beside me and took her phone and earplugs out. She put one earbud in my ear and one in her own and started playing a song, I Like That by Sistar. I frowned at her rather happy song selection but didn’t complain, instead choosing to focus on the windows of our apartment.

Similarly to the bedroom, the hall was also dimly lit but unlike it, the shadows that played on the walls had an amber-golden aura to them, almost as if the room had been lit by candlelight. The melody of I Like That seemed to get louder as I became more conscious of the lyrics. My earplug fell out but before I could put it back in, Haena had picked it up, brushed my hair back, and placed it back into my ear.

An uncalled for blush rose to my face at this chaste gesture. We’d shared earplugs many a times before but this time it felt much more intimate. I knew in my heart that I was reading into the action far too much but perhaps it was the lighting, the aura of the room, my aching heart, and the tune in my ears all coming together to form an inexplicable knot in my stomach. The lyrics became more personal and I felt the urge to simply give into my urge to hold her by my side.

I watched her smile and lean in closer as the song changed to a more bittersweet tune of Color Ring by Winner. The melody filled my head and I felt Haena’s fingers lacing themselves unconsciously through mine. I glanced over at her as she rested her head on my shoulder. The plastic wrap on her wrist scraped against mine.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I went back to that safe place in a corner of my mind. I was scared to open my eyes back up, scared I’d find something that would tie me to this girl forever. Fearful that the moment I allowed my eyes to confirm my reckless, yet somehow unregrettable decision that I’d made just hours earlier.

An arm shook me out of my internal conflict and I found myself gazing into a pair of stern, concerned, doe eyes. “Soohyun-ah,” Haena called out. “Hmm?” I responded, dazedly. “Yah! We need to be having more fun!! I’m going to play some loud, obnoxious songs and we’re going to have a blast,” Haena declared.

“Does that mean I can take out the wine?” I asked, only half joking. Haena pouted, “You’re such a party pooper. Wait here, I’ll go get some things from the bedroom.” I watched as Haena got up, frowning as her hand left mine. When she returned, I groaned as I saw her juggling an agglomeration of makeup products.

Haena dumped the palettes of eyeshadow and tubes of lipgloss onto the floor and grinned at me. “WE are going to have a makeover!” Haena announced squealing. I was perfectly fine moping and listening to ballads with Haena on the couch. However, I allowed Haena to have her way with me to please her.

Before I knew it, we were sitting cross-legged from each other with overly-positive music playing in the background as we took turns applying various products onto each other. Haena reached for the tube of lip-gloss and I let my eyes flutter close as the tip of the applicator grazed my lips. I drew in a deep breath, knowing it was going to be my turn to put some lip stain on Haena’s lips. I tried to focus on filling her perfect cupid’s bow with the gloss but I kept getting distracted.

We were so close and I wanted nothing more than to press my lips against hers. I tried to put all of my restraint but Haena’s gaze bore into mine, taunting me, daring me to do what I so desperately yearned to since the day I admitted to myself that she was all I wanted. Haena’s fingers trailed up my arm, and in that moment I lost all my inhibitions and gave into the urge as I claimed her lips softly.

Ailee’s Home played softly in the back of my mind. The lyrics reflecting exactly how I felt in that very instance. I was home. Here, with Haena, was where the truth, the very essence of who I was lied. They rested on this one girl’s palm and I felt it sear through my lips. I waited for Haena to push me away or turn away from me anything, to stop me from letting this get worse. She had a boyfriend; And I was broken. I did not have it in me to pull away but I begged her with my slow pace to prevent me from going on. I had already done the one thing I’d promised myself I wouldn’t to do: I almost ruined our friendship. However, Haena did nothing, nothing at all to dissuade me from completely and totally giving in to what I had wished for.

I had Haena, with me, right there. Yet she still felt so far. I was left alone in this drowning ocean of my own emotions. I pulled away as the need for air brought us apart. Haena shyly turned her away from me and I, I was ashamed at myself for being so fucking weak. Without a word she pulled me up and took me back to our bedroom. Haena pulled me onto the bed beside her and rested her head on my shoulder and I faintly remember her trying to coax me into sleeping. All I remembered was that I was home. Haena was my home; yet I felt so lost. I couldn’t reach her. Not in this day, not in this year, not even, in this life.

I scoff with self loathing. Although I have come to terms and could now understand my own feelings, I felt so very empty since that day. I had dug myself into a hole and only worsened my sore emotional state. The memory is indeed special to me, but at what cost? I’d allowed myself a brief second of love and comfort and the repayment was an eternity of heartbreak.

The tattoo on my wrist, the one I got the day I kissed Haena, the day I got kicked out, the day nothing went right, seemed to etch the memory permanently in my mind. Under what pretense I got this tattoo I still am not quite sure of. As with many other things, I had let Haena’s persuading convince me to do something I would have never done for myself. Pleasure or pain, I am not sure of yet.

The taxi pulls up alongside the curb of club, Just For 1 Night, I try to hand in my cash before my driver can notice the name of the infamous club. The man notices however and scans me up and down. “Ah, so you are one of those?” I remain silent and beg him with my eyes to just take the money and leave. Bad things tended to happen when drivers found out I was not ‘normal’. It’s why I normally request them to pull over before the stop actually arrives, but in my self-conflict with my emotions, I’d neglected to pay attention to where I was. I shuffle nervously in place but I’m pleasantly surprised at the man’s following words. “Don’t worry, my son is too. It was hard to take in at first but I just want him to be happy. I hope you find the happiness you deserve as well. I am aware of hard it must be, but if you ever need a safe ride to a place to belong, you may call for me anytime,” the man tells me with a kind smile. He takes the bills from my hand and places a card in it.

I’m shocked at the acceptance the man showed to a total stranger. I want to cry and break down all at once but I will my knees to walk me to the entrance of the glowing club. The bass resonates beyond the doors that attempt to keep the small pub inconspicuous and the ecstatic energy already begins to thrum in my veins. I draw in a deep breath before stepping into the hazy aura of the club. My head pounds and I know immediately that I’ll need more than a few drinks to make it through the night.

Looking at the few bills left in my hand, I sigh, aware that I can’t simply blow my money; every cent is valuable to me. I chuckle bitterly at the thought that burdens weigh me down even though I’m in a supposedly carefree environment. Handing over the wad of cash, I let the bartender know that I want to drink the cheapest strongest shots until my money runs out.

The girl smiles pitifully at me. As she prepares my first drink I scan up and down her profile. She looks to be no more than 18 and is dressed in a pair of skinny jeans, band-tee that has an evidently fading Infinite symbol on it, and a beanie that rests on her hair. The girl, unlike many of the other bartenders and women here, is outfitted quite conservatively and seems to be doing nothing more than her job. As she passes me my drink I notice her hands picking up a book I faintly remember reading in high school. “What are you doing here?” I ask her with a voice laced with concern. The girl, Helena as I learn from her name tag, gives me another one of her somber smiles “I have to study and provide for my little brother and sick mother. I also come here because I’m not treated like an outcast.” I can only nod in response, fully empathizing with Helena’s situation. “Go on, you look like you really need to drink this night away. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you won’t pass out from all the shots,” Helena grins.

I grab the shot glass and down the searing liquid in one go. It burns in my throat. A cheap and tasteless burn but nothing more than an uncomfortable warmth compared to the way my nerves and heart are on fire in this very moment.

The heady feeling settles in after a few more shots. I look pointedly at Helena, waiting for my next glass but she simply shrugs. “You’re out, sorry.” I narrow my eyes, trying to do the math, but I’m far too inebriated to really be able to think it through.

I shrug, grab my purse, and spin my chair around, only to find myself facing another girl, who seems a  few years older than me. She extends her hand and raises an eyebrow, her stunning blue irises asking me to join her on the dance floor. I oblige even though I’m not one to enjoy clubbing very much. Truthfully, I just want to escape my thoughts and just focus on the sensation of delicate fingers running down my sides.

Lost in the buzz of alcohol, I start letting go of any inhibitions I have about staying reserved. Feeling so trapped in a conscience has robbed me of any opportunity to ignore my burdens. For a while I just remain there and allow myself to follow a rhythm with a stranger until my body begins to ache.

An urgent vibrating induces me out of my self-initiated trance. I fumble as my fingers grasp my phone and I squint at the screen for the caller ID. 내 인생, nae insaeng. “Haena??” I answer the phone worriedly. Why was she calling me at this hour. She should be asleep.

“Soohyun-ah?” I hear faint whimper at the other end of the line. I clear my throat. “Nae?” I answer her, trying not to slur my words too much. “Eodiya? Dowajule…” a choked sob comes through. “I’m out right now, I booked a room at Queen Hotel… Why don’t you go there and wait for me?” I suggest, immediately sobering up.

The girl with blue contacts runs a hand down my cheek, her eyebrows furrow in concern. She moves her hands in rapid motions and then slaps her forehead as if realizing something. That’s when I realize that the girl can’t speak and that she was using sign. I smile sadly at her and let her know that I have to help my friend. She nods in response.

However, the instant I turn around I stumble and the girl manages to catch me. She hands me a bottle of water and motions for me to drink up. I gulp the water down quickly and a wave of freshness washes over me instantly, sobering me up. I thank her, and just as I turn to leave she presses her lips to my cheek and flashes me a thumbs up.

I manage to walk out of the club and hailed a cab to the Queen Hotel. The cab driver, I notice, seems to be a foreigner and an English song plays when he turns up the music in the car.

Summer after high school, when we first met

We make-out in your Mustang to Radiohead

And on my eighteenth birthday, we got matching tattoos

Used to steal your parents liquor and climb to the roof

Talk about our future like we had a clue

Never planned that one day I'd be losing you

In another life, I would be your girl

We keep all our promises, be us against the world

In another life, I would make you stay

So I don't have to say you were the one that got away

The one that got away

The lyrics hit far too close to home for comfort, but I’m too weak to tell the driver to turn it off. I just hope and pray that perhaps listening to the sad tune will help me feel less lonely. I glance forlornly at my tattoo, smiling ironically at it. It reminds me of how different Haena and I truly are. Even our hair and how we dress show how differently we live. My straight brown hair and typical Korean looks are vastly different from Haena’s bright and blonde hair and animated eyes. I’m quiet: I think with my head and push my feelings aside. Haena, she’s far more adventurous; she speaks her mind and always has a spark in her eyes.

She’s one of a kind and maybe that’s why I got the tattoo. To get a glimpse into the way she lived. The carefree, independent, and exciting life she always lived. Haena had a way of capturing you with her chivalrous ways and mischievous smiles. She didn’t live by a rulebook and broke the normal standards. Perhaps that’s why I fell for her. Haena was everything I’d ever wanted to be, but could never bring myself to be.

I wipe the tears that fall from my cheek. I can’t afford to break down in front of Haena especially when she needs me. I signal for the driver to pull up in front of a rather shabby motel which is all I can afford. Paying the driver, I walk out to my room, figuring Haena had already checked in for me.

The room is a mini cabana room almost, with a bed and sofa, placed outside in a line, with a string of other rooms. I glance at my phone to check the time as I push the door open and enter my room. It’s 11:11.

A gasp escapes my mouth and my phone clatters onto the floor. I approach Haena and sit down beside her but she shoves me away. I refuse to let her hide turn her face towards me. Anger surges through me when I notice the blood on the corner of her mouth. Her lips, that are almost always smiling, have been beaten. I ask who did this to her, even though I already know, but instead of answering my question, she grasps my hand and whispers: “Soohyun-ah, please help me forget this… just make me forget all of this for now and I promise to explain everything to you.”

Her eyes beg me to do as she asks and my weakness for her renders me helpless as I consent to her. I hold onto her hand and pull her up. “You go clean up… I’ll make a few calls and be right there with you…” I tell her, motioning her into the bathroom.

She comes out, wearing a floral sweater and jeans. I motion for her to come near me as I wrap my arms around her in an embrace. “Don’t worry Haena. We can make it through this,” I comfort her softly. With that, I pull her by the hand and together we run into the small drink bar.

It’s practically isolated when we enter. The bartender looks up at us, waking up from his nap. “Just give me the money, I’ll set out a few bottles, and you girls can help yourselves,” he lets us know mid-yawn. I reach to get my purse out, but Haena beats me to it as she hits a wad of wons onto the counter. Before I can, stop her to set my own money down, the man picks up the bills, counts it, and sets 8 different bottles on the counter.

I turn to Haena to protest, but she presses a finger against my lips, silencing me. “Follow my lead, and I beg of you to quit worrying this one night. For me.”

Before I know it, music rings through the small room and a bottle of some exotic drink is pressed up to my lips. I suppose it starts off innocent enough. We sway and find small things to talk and laugh about, focusing on the buzz of alcohol to distract us of life’s perils.

2 bottles later we find ourselves talking about my family. I flinch when she brings them up but I know I have nothing to hide from Haena and let her know how it still hurts to think about them. The reality of it still hangs over me like a storm cloud, threatening to rain down all at once and drench me as I shiver, alone, unable to move.

Tears stream down Haena’s face as I pour my emotions to her. Deciding that it was time to move past my own problems and focus, for once, on hers instead, I tentatively ask her, “Do you want to tell me what really happened tonight?”

Her wide eyes stare into mine, contemplating whether or not it’s okay to tell. A soft sigh escapes her in defeat, and she hangs her head as she mumbles, “Jaekyung Oppa hit me.” Even though I suspected it, hearing it out loud makes it that much worse. To hear Haena’s voice so weak breaks my heart and I want nothing but to hold her in my arms. Rage infuses me, but I refuse to blow up. Not where it doesn’t matter.

“Why would he do that?” I ask her, clenching my fists.

“He’s been like this for a while… it just got worse tonight…” Haena admits.

“Why are you letting him? Is it because you love him? Is he making you feel like you deserve this?” The questions tumble out of my mouth before I can stop them.

“I don’t love him at all.”

I stare in shock. Part of me is glad she isn’t cast under his spell to make her feel like she deserved to be treated like this but the bigger part of me is confused at why the hell she’d put up this act.

As if reading my mind she answers me, “I’m not doing this for me. I’m doing this because someone I love needs me to.”

“Who?” I whisper. “I promise, if they’re making you go to hell and back for them then they’re not worth it,” I tell her sternly.

“They’re not making me do anything for them,” Haena smiles softly. “I owe them. For their heartbreak. For making them lose their family. For not being able to tell them the truth. I’m putting myself through all this because they are worth everything. They’re always there for me and always make me smile and I just cause them more pain. I have to help. It’s the least I can do for you.”

The final words register and time reels back. It’s the least I can do for you. “Me?” I repeat.

“Yes, you. I’m doing this for you Soohyun-ah,” Haena confirms. My confused look let’s Haena how lost I am at the moment. “I know you had to stop your masters classes to support yourself since your parents kicked you out. I knew how you felt about me a few months after that, when I stopped by your house. I went to talk to your sister and she let me know. I went into your room and read that old diary of yours and I found out.”

I crumple to my knees in embarrassment. Was she being my friend this whole time because she felt bad for me? Moreover, why would she put herself through abuse and mistreatment for me?

“I invited you to move in with me into an apartment. Jaekyung pays for the rent for that apartment. I’d convinced him to pay for it and in exchange I agreed to be his personal… you know. I saved all the rent money you gave me to one day pay for those classes and send you to them. It was going pretty well, except for the few times Jaekyung would yell at me. I usually just bared with it… until today when it went too far.”

“Why would you do all this for me?”

“Because it hurts me to see my best friend in pain.”

“What did he do to you? Other than hit you?”

“It wasn’t what he did that hurt me. It was what he said. I was so worried when you got up and left and I kept mumbling about you. That pissed Jaekyung off and he hit me and told me to stop acting like a lesbian.”

“Why didn’t you stop him? You could’ve just denied it and stopped”

“Because it wasn’t untrue. It made me realize I couldn’t keep lying about it to him. I was never afraid of the thought myself until today. I’m bisexual and I knew I’d fallen in love with this amazing girl, yet here I was, pretending to date a guy I hated. I’d never felt so scared before and I didn’t want him to come after me. I was so angry to hear all the disgusting things he said about you, but I had to get away from him first. I snuck out after he fell asleep and I didn’t know what to do so I called you.”

Blood rushes up to my head and the room spins as revelations flood my mind. It feels like a whirlwind picked me up and tossed my reality around and when it settles back down I’m left in a brand new world. I try to gather my thoughts and turn my attention back towards Haena. “You shouldn’t have done this for me. If I really needed money I could have pulled a few strings and waited a few mores before going to get a masters. And I’m sure that whoever you love…” I pause trying to hold back choked tears, “Whoever you love would think you’re a wonderful person. You’re Haena. Don’t ever become someone else or hide who you are for me or anyone else.”

Haena reaches out to wrap her delicate fingers around my wrist. She gets up off the couch, wiping her tears with the back of her other hand. “Enough of the emotional baggage. I came here to get drunk and have the time of my life,” she places another bottle in my hand gingerly, closing my fist around its neck. “For once, I just want to remember what I do when I’m drunk instead of sober.” I only nod in response.

“Dance with me then?” Haena extends her hand out to me. I place my hand on hers and let her pull me up. She plugs a her phone into the speakers as various songs blast through the speakers. It takes me a few drinks to really start letting go of any inhibitions or insecurities. Before I know it the 2 of us, as insanely out of place as it might seem, are dancing to the music. We move our bodies to 4minute, Rihanna, SHINee, Mamamoo, 2NE1, Sia, CLC, Beyonce, NCT, Alessia Cara, The Chainsmokers… I lose track as I laugh and gaze at Haena letting herself go, pulling me along with her. A blur of lyrics is all it takes for me to forget time and reality.

Baby I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight

Baby I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight

But I don't need no money

As long as I can feel the beat

I don't need no money

As long as I keep dancing

Haena sings in an off pitched voice. Drunkenly snickering, I call her out on her bad singing as the song switches to Into You by Ariana Grande which Haena starts swaying to. “Well, Miss Music major, why don’t you sing for me then?” She asks raising an eyebrow at me, challenging me almost. I blush as I recall the lyrics but I comply and slowly start singing:

I'm so into you, I can barely breathe

And all I wanna do is to fall in deep

But close ain't close enough 'til we cross the line, hey, yeah

So name a game to play, and I'll roll the dice, hey

Oh baby, look what you started

The temperature's rising in here

Is this gonna happen?

Been waiting and waiting for you to make a move

Before I make a move

By the time I reach the chorus I find myself glued against Haena’s body, pulled against her by not just her own hands but the emotion-thick aura as well. I allow my fingers to roam her, fully aware how much I will come to regret it. Yet, for some reason, for the first time in my life, I don’t care about the consequences. I simply let myself take and revel in the feelings I want. Haena doesn’t stop me either. A small voice in my head reminds me how drunk we both are but I damn that voice to hell. If I can keep the angel in front of me smiling like this for just one night, then I will gladly welcome the repercussions.

Hey, I was doing just fine before I met you

I drank too much and that's an issue but I'm okay

Hey, you tell your friends it was nice to meet them

But I hope I never see them again

Haena mouths the lyrics of the song and giggles. “I think I did drink too much, but I don’t think it’s an issue right now. Don’t you think this song is perfect right now? For us?” she asks dazedly. Haena twirls around as I wonder about her statement.

So Baby pull me closer in the back seat of your rover

I feel Haena tugging me closer, pressing me against her with a look in her eyes that tells me to go on. A rational part of me wants to hesitate, reminding me that we’ve both been drinking and that Haena doesn’t want this, especially not when she’s in love with someone. I try to tell myself that I have to respect it and refrain from doing anything under the influence. However, the ambiance of the room grows lustful and all those thoughts I have, fly out the window.

“Don’t stop,” Haena whispers into my ears softly, “I want this. I want this so badly it hurts, Soohyun-ah so please don’t stop. I need you. No one else.”

I want to melt at the words that tumble from her lips. I want to capture and store them for eternities to come. Replay them over and over, even if it means bitter afterthoughts. Moments like this in my life are hard to come by and I can’t let go anymore.

The pounding of Haena’s heart grows louder, along with my own, as my fingers trail down her thighs, I feel Haena’s fingers, as light as a feather, doing the same. My blood sears at my skin from inside out, responding to her touches. It feels like everything and nothing at once and I don’t want it to stop. Her fingers rake through my hair and a soft moan falls from my mouth at the blissful sensation. I can feel Haena smirking at my obvious enjoyment of the moment, but instead of teasing me about it she just tugs at my hair harder. I grab hold of hips and pull her down onto me falling back onto the couch. That’s when it happens. 9 months after that first night, we’re back in the same position, giving into the same sensation, only intensified millions of times. My eyes close and stars dance before my eyes. Haena has her lips locked against mine and I have no desire to push it away the way I used to.

A few moments in and I find myself kissing her back. Though I know she has feelings for someone else most likely, the selfish part of me is convinced that this is only happening because Haena started it. The voice is attempting to make me feel less guilty about burying myself 6 feet under in emotions. For once, I agree with the satanic voice because I’m in heaven with an angel where even the worst can’t touch me. Even if it’s just for a few moments, I’m safe and warm, and nothing in the world can make me forget this. Not even myself.

I find myself hovering above Haena, who is encaged on the couch between my arms, eyes glimmering, as if she knew we’d end up like this. Her face glows in a way that I’ve never seen before and it makes her all the more beautiful. She yanks me back down to kiss me once again. Our lips fight for dominance this time around, and, surprisingly, I’m the winner. I feel a pair of legs wrap around my hips and my hands go to grip them, nails pressing into the skin, grounding me and keeping me from falling off this blissful cloud 9.

We break apart for a gasp of breath and my angel grins. “Maybe I should get you to drink more often. If it takes a bottle to get you to kiss me like this then I wouldn’t mind you being a drunkard all the time,” she lets me know with a dazed smile and a wild look in her eyes.

“You like this?” I ask, while leaning down to kiss her neck. “Mhm…” Haena responds. “If you’d told me sooner I would’ve been like this a lot sooner,” I tell her with an uncharacteristic smirk.

“You wouldn’t be my Soohyun then would you? You would’ve come with a million reasons to pull away and deny both of us of all that we want. You would reject me without a second thought because you would be too scared to accidentally hurt me. I used to find it so damn endearing that you were so selfless but now it’s stopping from living your life the way you want to and that angers me. Even now, you’re only like this because you’re drunk and can’t hold your emotions back. We both know well enough that the instant sobriety sinks into you, you’ll pull away.”

“I don’t want to, not anymore,” I confess, being completely honest to myself as well.

“Then prove it.” Haena challenges, her eyes daring me to give in.

I hesitate then lean back down to kiss Haena again. I kiss her forehead first, both her eyelids next, and pause at her lips, but a soft whimper from Haena is all it takes to encourage me to keep going. I fall into her, biting at her lip then soothing the sting with a swipe of my tongue. A small smile graces my face as I pull away. Our chests rise and fall as we breathe deeply with only the sound of the music that still plays in the back.

Saranghago inneunde oeropdago neukkimyeon

Igeon mwonga jalmotdoen geojyo

Byeogeul bogo oechyeodo naman honja aesseodo

Geurae bwatja geudaeroinde

“This,” I whisper softly, “This is our song. Only if you want it to be… if not… I’ll just let go now.”

“Of course I want it. I’ve wanted this since that day 9 months ago. Do you hear me, Soohyun-ah?”

I can only nod as tears fall from my eyes in relief. A weight that has kept me tied down finally feels like it’s been lifted. “You have to know,” Haena continues, “That I’m not drunk even the slightest bit right now. I say this completely sober: I’m beyond happy right now. I care for you in ways you may never believe. You’ll call me out for being ingenuine or tell me that I’m just doing this because I pity you. I don’t. I do feel bad that I couldn’t see it all sooner but that doesn’t change anything that happened in this moment. You’re strong and independent and brave and all sorts of amazing things. I don’t have enough words to tell you how perfect you are. I need you, though, to let me in before I can tell you everything I want to. If you can do that, then perhaps we have a shot at getting through the worst together and spending the best with each other. I’m perfectly content like this, and I really want you to understand that.”

Haena wipes away the tears that continue to fall. She knows me so well, better than I know myself, that I can’t deny a word she said. I can’t defend my foolishness and closed nature. She accepts all my flaws, still, and that’s enough for me. I can’t turn myself away, not when I’ve gone this far. I have so much to say, confess to, but my voice fails me.

“You don’t have to say anything right now,” Haena says, reading my mind. “I’m not going anywhere. I will be yours, forever and always. Can you just let me in?”

“Yes,” I whisper, pressing my forehead against hers, letting our noses touch.

“Let’s go back then. Forget everything except these next few hours and I’ll stay right there. I’ll help you no matter what. Just tell yourself: One more day, and it’ll be alright,” Haena squeezes my arm, comfortingly.

Suddenly, a grin appears on her face and before I can comprehend I’m pushed onto the floor. Laughing and stumbling, Haena hollers “Catch me if you can!” and runs out the door. I groan and pick myself up, willing my knees to work and not give out. I glance at a bottle of wine on the counter longingly, then grab it and run.

I follow her, laughing as she near trips over her own feet. She grabs my hand and I grip onto it. We get closer to our cabana area. Haena freezes in her tracks. I look up to see why she stopped, and my eyes widen.

“Hello Haena…” Jaekyung sneers, “Hasn’t anyone told you how rude it is to cheat on your boyfriend? Especially when he followed you all the way hear to apologize?”

“Apologize?” Haena scoffs, “For what? For hurting me? Because not even a million apologies would let me forgive a piece of shit like you.”

I feel proud of her standing up. She doesn’t have to accept the treatment anymore since her pretense of loving Jaekyung has fallen. My angel took out her dagger, and wielding it, she’s more frightening than any devil.

“You spend a few hours with that bitch over there and you learn to talk back like that. Come back with me. We both know that’s what you want,” the scumbag grabs at Haena’s wrist.

“DON’T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT MY SOOHYUN LIKE THAT!” Haena yells, but Jaekyung yanks her towards him. He shoves me down and pushes a cushioned pole onto my leg, no doubt injuring something. I try to push it off and fail as my leg throbs under it.

Jaekyung’s eyes turn dark, clouded with anger, as he turns his attention back to Haena who attempts to break out of his hold.

"You wanna fuck her? Is she your girlfriend you fucking slut? Is that how low you've gone? Perhaps I should remind you what it's like to be normal... I leave you crying for a day and you run to her you pathetic whore. What does she have? You 2 are homeless wenches, no wonder your families kicked you out," Haena's ex laughs menacingly. He grabs her by the hair and shoves her onto the floor.

I want to break every single bone of that asshole's body for hurting Haena like that, but I'm paralyzed. I'm stuck as the weight of the poles crush my legs. Tears stream down my face as my blood caked fingers grasp desperately at empty air. My eyes remain wide as I watch my poor Haena get kicked across the floor by that sorry excuse of a human. Haena lets out a choked sob that breaks my heart. I feel sorrow well up in my chest. Then, that sorrow shifts into anger and frustration and the anger turns into rage. Finally, within the darkness of the night that smothers all hope, my rage turns into fire.

And before I realize what’s happening, everything goes black.

A/N AND THAT’S IT. BYE WORLD... Jk Part 2 will be up sometime around Spring Break XD. This is harder than you think to write. Get ready for Haena’s POV and some kickassery and probably legit smut next time if I’m up for it. As always expect the worst and hope for the best in my writing and I’ll try not to disappoint. Obligatory pictures of Soohyun and Haena and OMD shall follow! Love you all so so so much and reshare if you willlllll. Thank You!

Hong Soohyun 

Song Haena

ONE MORE DAYYYY :))

[kpopisagif-t]

Admin Anecdotes- A Cooking Fail

This has absolutely nothing to do with writing or kpop. Just another episode of yours truly failing at her life. First of all let me recap a conversation I had with my mom

Me: Amma (mom) I’m gonna make some hakka noodles cuz I’m hungry

Mom: Okay, sure.

Me: Amma, where’s the powder?

Mom: Whut powder?

Me: You know, the masala powder...

Mom: Oh lmao we’re out of that stuff

Me: Are you kidding me??

Mom: *waves hand in dismissal*Just make smth random. There’s some soy sauce and stuff in the cabinets. Just do what I do and pull random stuff together

Me: *stares in horror* *pulls out any of the mildly chinese looking ingredients and prays I can cook.

*30 minutes later*

Here I am now sitting with my bowl of frightening noodles. It tastes like nothing and everything at the same time. Guess I put too much sriracha cuz I think I have a nosebleed. Why did I do this to myself??

Eottokhe??

[kpopisagif-t]

OMG The instant I watched the ending of the video i was like I’m T.O.P and the other Big Bang members are my exams this week :P

[kpopisagif-t]

Dance With Me? Pt. 1 A Baekhyun X OC/Reader Fic

A/N SO HERE IT IS FINALLY!!! THE BAEK FIC. This one is DEFINITELY more angsty and fluffy but less lemony than the Jimin one. I know Baekhyun isn’t THAT great of a Dancer but that’s okay because he’s better than a lot of people loll. Just roll with it because I kinda built this plot as I went. Hope you likeee!

How Can You Not Love Him???

Dance With Me: A Baekhyun Fanfiction

Category: Fluff/Angst                                       OC: Jeon Areum (You)

You’re on the couch of your best friend, Baekhyun’s, apartment. You’re more than a little annoyed that he’s in EXO which results in quite a few safety and security issues, not to mention practically no time to rest or hang out with you. However he earns quite a bit more money than other artists in the business, which had allowed him to purchase this apartment for himself.

Most of the time though, Baekhyun lives at the dorms. He mainly uses this apartment as a safe house for when things get tough or when they have time off although the opportunities to use this place are decreasing more and more over time. Still, it’s nice to have a place to run to or hide in when the world attacks you with expectations. However, as breaks became few and far between, you find that you’re using your friend’s apartment more than he is.

You had offered to pay part of the rent, feeling bad for leeching off him, but the truth is you hate your dorm at the uni. You can’t afford an apartment as a struggling student but your dorm is sadder than you’d ever imagined. Baekhyun insisted that you could just stay as you pleased even urging you to move out of your dorm completely so as to not pay the entire rent but you aren’t quite ready to jump into someone else’s house just yet.

But here you are again, sprawled over Baekhyun’s fancy couch staring at the rather large apartment wishing it was yours. Being rich has its perks but you know that a lot of sacrifices had to be made by Baekhyun to get to the place he was at. You knew firsthand he didn’t go into the entertainment industry for the money though. Signing with SM, the biggest KPop company didn’t make it any easier for him either.

Baekhyun has always wanted to get married before 30 and have kids and a family, at the same time though, he’s so passionate about singing. It was what kept him going through the worst of times. So it came down to the most difficult decision: choosing between his current dream and his potential comfortable future. He chose to sing.

You understand his decision too. He probably did not anticipate to become one of the biggest faces in kpop. You know his expectations had been to land in a small group and live his dream then hopefully fade out to pursue having a family. Of course, life never goes as planned. Baekhyun’s career skyrocketed and he became, undeniably, one of the most popular EXO members. You know Baekhyun loves his fans and what he does but you are also aware of the slight twinge of regret that Baekhyun sometimes felt. One thing had led to another and before anyone knew it, his entire life was in the public’s eye and may continue to be for a long time.

That is the main reason this apartment is so special to Baekhyun as well as you. This is the one place they can’t come after him with cameras. Why? Because it’s so obscure that when he does come here he’s practically incognito. Of course, you like this place since it allows the 2 of you to spend whatever time the two of you do have together in comfort. This place, though minimally used, feels very cozy to you unlike your dorm room that seems dingy and hostile. At least here, you have Baekhyun’s decor to make you feel more at home and less alone.

You sigh and roll onto your stomach, thinking back to how the 2 of you became friends in the first place. It’s an agglomeration of bittersweet memories, your childhood together, but neither of you would trade it for the world. It brought the both of you together and many times, this friendship is what keeps you going everyday…

***

“Jeon Areum, what are you even doing?” A boy came over and asked, plopping down onto the swings.

You spun around on your heels to face him and you narrowed your eyes. It was Byun Baekhyun, your realized, the one kid all your friends would always gossip about. Baekhyun was one year older than you so, while you went to 5th grade, he was in 6th. Your community was the kind of place where everyone knew everyone else. That, and your parents were friends with Baekhyun’s. For some reason though, the two of you had never really met, so you were confused as to what he was doing on your back porch all of a sudden.

“Byun Baekhyun,” you muttered suspiciously.  “Yup, that’s my name,” he responded a bit too cheerily and sassy for your liking. “What are you doing here?” You asked, with your hands on your hips.

“Hmm? My mom brought me over here. We moved into the house across the street because our old house had a LOT of problems. Namely, the toilet that couldn’t be fixed, so we moved here and my mom wanted to say hi to your mom.” he told you, rather uninterested.

You giggled at the mention of the toilet troubles. You realized you’d let your cold exterior drop and moved your hands to cover your mouth. He raised an eyebrow at you and flashed a smile and you groaned internally: you weren’t about to join his list of fangirls that he probably captured with his smirk. You might’ve been 10 but you were definitely not an idiot. Besides, you would be going to 6th grade in less than 5 months.

“Did I just see my ice princess laugh?” he questioned. You responded with a gag. “You’re 11 Mr. Byun Baekhyun, why do you sound like a Shackspeare?” you tried to say sternly but mispronounced Shakespeare. It was Baekhyun’s turn to laugh. “It’s Shakespeare, Areum-ah,” he told you.

“Whatever, just don’t call me your princess ever again,” you made sure to state that as clear as possible. “Should I call you my--”

“No,” you cut him off. “I’m an indepennent girl and I don’t wanna be called your anything!” You declared proudly, reciting what your mother had taught you.

“Okay, neighbor,” he complied, nudging your shoulder. You nodded approvingly and went back to twirling around. “You never answered my question though Areum… what are you even doing?”

You stared at him incredulously, “Dancing, duh!” you replied fleetingly and started dancing to an American pop song that you’d heard your sister listening to, making up random moves as you went a long.

“I hate to break it to you, Areum-ah, but you look extremely stupid dancing,” Baekhyun remarked unnecessarily. You scowled at him, “At least I’m not plain stupid, unlike you,” you spat out. Baekhyun was only mildly affected by your retort and seemed amused even. You on the other hand were feeling extremely proud of your insult as you twirled around with your head held high.

“BAEKHYUNNN,” A voice hollered from inside your house. “Coming Eomma!!” Baekhyun rolled his eyes and yelled back. He turned towards you, “Bye, ice princess Areum! I hope you don’t dance outside and embarrass yourself!” You stuck your tongue out at him and his remark and he teasingly did the same before he ran back into your house.

“BYE MY NEW BEST FRIEND!” You heard faintly past your fence a few minutes later. You ignored it though and continued dancing and humming to yourself. Who ever heard of a jerk for a best friend?

***

The sound of a door swinging open brings you out of your trance. The lights in the foyer flip on and you can hear a string of curses being muttered by someone. You sit up on the couch and rub your eyes. “Baekhyun-ahh? Is my sexy accountant home?” referring to his latest music video, you call out in a teasing voice. It had become sort of a tradition between you 2, the whole possessive role. And depending on the day, you would come up various amusing titles for each other.

Baekhyun, who normally answered back with a cheery voice remains silent. Hesitating, you get off the couch and the light flips on in the hall. A very drunk Baekhyun stands before you with bloodshot eyes and messy hair. A deafening silence hangs in the air as he stares at you.

“Hey, Baek, you okay?” you ask tentatively, fidgeting with the hemline of your top. You normally aren't the type to get scared by a pissed Baekhyun but his drunkenness is unsettling.

“What are you doing here?” he spits with venom. You're taken aback by his words but manage to answer his question calmly.

“The dorm, as you know, is a very sad sad thing. Poor Areum, was feeling lonely so she came here in hopes of getting some rest and perhaps some quality time with her best friend,” you explain, hoping the third person reference of yourself eases some of the tension in the room.

“This isn't your apartment, Areum,” Baekhyun starts with a steely voice. Your eyes widen at his sudden abrasiveness, but he doesn't notice. Or even if he does notice, he doesn't care. “You can't just camp out here in some pathetic hope that I'll come home and be your best friend. You really need to find someone besides me because this is getting ridiculous. Sleep over somewhere else, find an apartment, do something.”

You want to punch him in the face for being so irrational with you but you can tell it's not the real Baek that's talking. “First of all, YOU were the one that said I could come here whenever and even then I offered to pay 1/2 the rent and you declined. Moreover, I haven't been here in nearly 10 days and why is it so wrong to want to spend time with a friend I see once every 2 months because of his busy international schedules.” With each word you get more and more forceful. Not angry, just forceful and proving to Baek you won't back down.

You grab his wrist, out of the blue, and yank him down onto the couch. “What the fuck do you think you're doing?” Baekhyun asks, pulling his hand back and glaring. You give him one of your “Listen to me you fucking moron, I’m trying to help,” looks. He knows that look in your eyes anywhere and if he’s a smart man he won’t go against you. You give him a pointed look telling him to sit his ass down

He doesn't though and you decide to be merciful and excuse his behavior by blaming it on the alcohol. You force Baekhyun down, and, much to his surprise, you wrap your arms around his torso and pull him into you.

“What the f--” Baekhyun starts but you shush him. You're observant enough to know that something is clearly stressing your friend out to cause him to be like this. You remember how he used to comfort you like this: he’d let you rest your head on his chest then you’d rant your problems and concerns. He would tell you to sob into his chest as you fell asleep on him.

He’s always a rock when you need him like when you were struggling at Uni. Now, it’s your turn to figure out and listen to all his problems.

You do what he normally does and push his head down on your shoulders. “Baek,” you whisper, “you're actually being an idiot right now. A drunk, spiteful moron that needs to vent his problems.”

With his superior strength though, he pushes you off him and you nearly tumble onto the floor. You expected this so you aren't surprised by what he just did.

“Look, I need you to get out. This place isn't yours, this problem isn't yours, and this life is definitely not fucking yours. I need you to stop butting into my business when you have and never will understand it. I can't think straight because my career that I love is eating away at me so please just leave before I do something I regret.”

“Okay Baekhyun,” you respond, standing up to gather your stuff. His eyes widen at your acceptance, fully not expecting you to leave without a fight. Once you're done picking up though, you turn and face him.

“I'll leave you to deal with your own struggles now because you're right. This isn't my apartment or my life. What you're wrong about though, is that I also once felt torn between my dream and what my parents wanted and it ate at me as well,” you inform him. You see his eyes go from anger and surprise to confusion. “You know, for being friends for years we barely know each other, Baek. I didn't know how spiteful you could be and you never knew that I was in the same place as you once. None of that matters now though. I wanted to help you sort out whatever you're going through but if you insist on being alone I'll respect it even if I think you're an absolute ass. This might not be my house, my problem or my life, but this IS my friendship and you ARE my friend. Therefore, as a friend I have an obligation to be there for you, just like you were when I needed you. At the same time I respect your space and if you don't see me as your friend then I'll let you be.”

You turn on your heels and walk out the door after your monologue. You make your way down the hall and idly wait by the elevator. You start getting anxious because you expected him to come running to you right now. Stubborn Baek had always done that.

Sighing, you wait to step onto the elevator. Maybe your speech didn't do anything or maybe he was just serious about wanting you to leave. Whatever the case, you figure that your friendship is in a fragile state at the moment.

Your heart sinks into your feet and you feel empty and useless. You want to help Baekhyun but he refuses to let you in. It hurts you to know that your best friend is struggling. You hate watching people you love shut you out.

You care so much about Baekhyun that the term best friend doesn't even cut it. Once upon a time you were convinced that you were in love with him but he obviously didn't feel the same way. You outgrew your feelings soon after he got into EXO and studies became your main focus. However your respect and care for him only grew since.

The elevator rings, and you step inside as the crushing weight of leaving the building sits on your shoulder. As the elevator starts to close behind you, you feel someone grab your wrist. Before you realize, you’re spinning around and pair of arms wraps around you in a sturdy embrace.

Baekhyun. You can tell it's him in an instant just by his scent. A maple syrup and vanilla scent that always emanates from him. Your own arms snake around his waist and he buries his face into your shoulder.  You can feel him trembling and after a few moments you pull away from his tight hold and tug him by the wrist back into his apartment.

The 2 of you fall back onto the couch and your turn towards him and cradle his face in your palms. His eyes are bloodshot and tears fall down his face. You pull him closer onto your shoulder and this time Baekhyun doesn’t object. You sit in a soft silence for a bit and the only noise in the room is your friend’s sniffling.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you Areum,” Baek trembles, “I was just so upset about everything and I drank before I came here and god I’m sorry for being such an asshole. When you left I realized what a horrible mistake I’d made. Your friendship means so much to me and I completely ruined it. I still don’t know why you’re here right now after I pretty much called you a desperate clingy friend. You’re nothing like that for that matter. I didn’t think you’d still be there but I came after you anyways. I just… I can’t handle this life sometimes and I’m so thankful that you’re here right now even though I have no idea,”

“Took you long enough to come after me,” you mumble against his soft hair. He tilts his head up to you, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion

“Wait, how’d you know I was gonna come back for you?” He looks so genuinely surprised and you grin the slightest. “Cuz Baek, you’re so impulsive and regret things quickly. I had to have a LITTLE hope that you weren’t actually gonna be a jackass. I prolonged pressing that button as long as possible. I almost thought I was wrong and that you actually were going to be stupidly stubborn. Thank the Lord you came to your senses!”

“Maybe I should’ve just left you on the elevator,” he grumbles to himself. You chuckle and thread your fingers through his hair as he lies down on your lap.

“Areum-ah?” he asks softly after a bit.

“Nae?” you reply

“Is what you said true? Do you have a different dream than being a writer and researcher?”

You nod in response, “Yeah, I did. I wanted to be a dancer… before I broke my ankle that is…”

Baekhyun smiles up at you, “My dancing princess nae? I remember how you in love you were with dancing. I made fun of you when we first met but God even 10 year me knew that was the most adorable thing.” He pokes your cheek as you blush. Baekhyun notices and starts to say something that probably entails making fun of you but you shush him with your don't glare.

“Areum-aegie,” he pouts, “did you just give the don't mess with me glare.” You roll your eyes. “You glare at me too much Areum,” he tsks, “And I can tell what you're telling me with any. one of. your. 62. glares.” He jabs a finger at your stomach.

“Gah,” you flinch and giggle at once. Baekhyun lets out a gasp “WHAT ARE THOSE” he whisper yells. You can't breathe through your laughter. He seems to realize what he just said and starts chuckling with you. “Seriously though, since when did my fiery ball of smartassery get abs,” he asks you with a more serious face.

You don't want to admit to him just yet that you started dancing again. Just in spare time. You figured you needed the exercise anyways and why not just do it in a way you enjoyed. You dismiss his observation “I just started working out. I need it.”

He frowns, “Are you doing it lose weight because if you are that's dumb. You're perfectly skinny…” he frets.

“No Baek. I appreciate your concern but I severely lack upper body strength so I decided to be a bit more active. Don't worry, I'm still eating like my piggy,” you let him know playfully. He realizes that your pig comment was referring to him and he slaps your shoulder with a “Yahh!”

After a few moments of blissful silence you call out to him. “Baek? You never told me why exactly you were upset in the first place…”

His expression darkens and you don't want to push him too far so you quickly add, “You don't have to tell me now… I don't want you to bottle it up that's all.”

“No it's okay I need to get it off my shoulders. So I was with Xiumin and my manager tonight hanging out after our stage today at a midnight snack shop and Xiumin asked me if I was okay. And I told him ‘of course why wouldn't I be?” And he explained to me that I just seemed a little distracted lately and mind of spacey,”

“Aren't you always a little… ya know,” you interject, making ‘crazy’ motions next to your temple. “Shut up,” he shushes you with a small smile.

“Anyways, I admitted to be thinking about my family as well we my other friends and how I want to settle down a few years down the line. Then my manager, out of nowhere, comes at me and says, “if you have plans of leaving the group for a family you need to do it sooner rather than later,” and at first I tried to play it off telling him I wasn't serious to avoid a fight. Is kept pressing on though about not dating and… And maybe even confiscating this apartment,” Baekhyun mumbles.

Anger boils within you. Baekhyun's only safe house was here and he had the nerve to threaten to take it away? “Who does he think is! You've done so much for your group why does he care so much?!” you near screech.

“Calm down, Areum. They won't do that because I’d quit on the spot and God knows they can't afford to lose another member, much less a main vocal. Besides my manager shouldn't be blamed. He's pretty young and it's his first time with a guy group. He's probably extremely stressed because he has to manage one of the biggest kpop groups under such a hotshot label.”

“Still… it's not cool…” you mutter. Then, tentatively, you ask him, “Are you considering quitting after your contract ends in 3 years?”

“I have no clue Areum. In fact, one of the reasons I want to remain is because of you. You brought me out of my depression and taught me to dance. You're the one that showed me I could be someone that spreads joy.  You helped me discover that this, this singing and dancing, is what I love to do. I just want to show you I'm thankful for that.”

“You don't have to feel obligated to do anything. I did whatever I did as a friend. Gosh I still remember your bloodshot eyes in the park when you pulled me aside and asked me to teach you how to dance. I was so sure you had gone insane,” you chuckle in between, “you were terrible at first.”

Baekhyun giggles his obnoxiously girly giggle as he recalls. “I was, wasn't I? I can’t believe you actually agreed to teaching me at first...”

“Me neither, Baek, me neither...”

***

You squinted your eyes and focused on the figure across the field on a lonely park bench. Was that Baekhyun?! You walked, or rather skipped, to the boy and poked his cheek. Just to check if he was awake or if you could draw a mustache on him. 

Much to your dismay, he lifted his head from between his knees. You were shocked to see his eyes puffy and red. As much as you despised Baekhyun when he bullied your dancing he was your friend as well. 

“What do you want Jeon Areum?” he snapped at you.

“Wath your thone mishter,” you reprimanded with peanut butter in your mouth from the reese’s cup you had just eaten. “I just wanted to know why you wore a suit to the park,” you informed him. Of course, in reality, you were more concerned by the fact he was crying but your eomma had always told you not to ask why someone was crying because it only made them remember the reason. ‘Instead,’ she’d said, ‘you should distract them with another question.’

Baekhyun narrowed his eyes at you. “You mean you aren't going to ask why I'm crying?”

“Nope. That's for you to know and share only if you want to. I'm more confused about why you came to the park in a suit…”

“Well I kinda ran away to here…” he admitted sheepishly. “Bad boy,” you interjected. He gave you his signature eye roll and continued. “Anyways, I'm wearing a suit just came here from… from my friend's funeral,” he choked up, “he --Junghoon,-- died of cancer,” he sniffled.

You awkwardly patted his head. “Issokay, I'm going to presume that's why you're crying and tell you it happens to a lot of people.” You pointed towards your mother, “My mom has cancer too…”

“Aww that sucks… aren't you scared she'll leave you though? Like my friend left me?” Baekhyun muttered bitterly, pulling at the grass near his feet.

“Nope! She's gonna be with me no matter what because she's my mom. Even if she can't walk me to the park or take me to the school, she's going to help me out. I might be sad when I can't see her anymore but it isn't her fault. Just like it isn't your friend’s,” you told Baekhyun.

“Yeah, I guess so… it doesn't make it any easier to deal with though,” he grumbled as his tears popped back up. “Nope, it doesn't,” you agreed. A few moments later your dusted off your skirt and got up. “Well, I guess I’ll leave now sinc--” you felt a hand grab your wrist as you took a step forward.

“Wait!” Baekhyun called you and you spun back around to face him. “Do- do you think you could teach me?” he asked tentatively. You gave him a confused look. “Dancing, I mean… do you think I would be able to learn it. My friend wanted us to one day be able to debut as a dancing singing duo. I dismissed him then and told him it was the girliest dumbest thing but now I would do anything to fulfill his wish… ah forget it. It sounded less stupid in my head. I can’t dance, I--” you ended his rambling off by covering his mouth with your hand. His eyes widened and then furrowed in annoyance when he saw your hand on his mouth. He bit it.

“OW!” you yelped. You scowled at him and then started talking. “I have no idea if I can make you a good dancer but I can certainly teach you. Whether you succeed depends on your practice and dedication,” you lectured like your mother did. Baekhyun rolled his eyes yet again. “Okay Madame,” he spoke sarcastically.

“Yah. I’m doing this out of my generosity. Take it with respect or leave it!”  

Baekhyun breathed in deeply, “I’ll take it Areum.” With that you dragged away him by the arm….

***

“I took it Areum-ah,” Baekhyun shakes you back into the present. “I took up the opportunity to become an idol. I did it for my friend and for you and for me. If I give it up now I would give it up on all of us. I want to do this for at least a little longer.”

“Then why were you so upset at me and drunk when you came?” You ask him with worry in your voice.

“Because I was upset by something else my manager said. I was looking at this girl on my phone and telling Xiumin how she was my ideal type and my manager got on to me for wanting to have a girlfriend and forgetting priorities and all that nonsense,” Baekhyun mutters angrily, annoyed, to say the least that anyone would question his loyalty and commitment to his job and group.

Your own heart plummets though at another, different thought. There was a girl? Was she his friend? Did you know her? You shake your head. That isn’t even the issue here you remind yourself.

“He also told me to stay away from you, which is ridiculous because you’re my best friend. You brought me here and that’s why I came after you” he admits. “I was blinded by frustration, so I blamed my commitment to my career on you even though this was all my choice. You’re also the thing that grounds me. The person that reminds me that I have a family and that I want a family in the future too. I was upset with you for reasons unjustifiable, really, and I’m so sorry. It’s just that you remind me of everything I’m forced to balance in my life, and, and it get’s a little tough. It’s okay though. Because you’re here for me and God knows I can rely on you to catch my ass if I trip up. I don’t deserve you but I’d be a fool to just let you go. Thank you so much Jeon Areum”.

Tears prick at the corner of your eyes as you whispered a soft “You’re welcome”. You understand being pressured by others to give up your dream. It had happened to you too. Now as your friend is going through the same thing, you are determined to help Baekhyun sort this all out.

You glance up at the clock and read the time. 1:30am. You sigh aloud as tiredness washes over you. You glance down at Baekhyun whose eyes begin to shut. You so vividly remember the day when Baekhyun truly sold himself to dancing. Even though you're younger than him, you can still feel the sense of pride that fills you when you watch him dance. There's also no point in denying that he is the reason you started dancing again. Watching him more and more made you remember why you started in the first place. Besides your mom had fought so hard with your dad to keep you dancing. Although it washed away when she wasn't there to fight anymore, you know you owe it to her even after all this time. You reminisce and remember the days you and Baekhyun would practice. Either after school or in the park on the weekends…

“Baek?” You call softly.

“Hmmm?” he sleepily asks wrapping his fingers around your wrist and turning over to face your stomach.

“Remember when I first taught you? Gosh were you annoying,” you chuckle.

“Hey! My teacher wasn't the nicest either,” he mumbles against your stomach, “it's okay though because my teacher became my friend… not to mention I got a whole lot better.” You feel him smile against your abdomen and you know both of you are thinking of the same day…

***

“Baekhyun!” you yelled and grabbed your whistle as you blew it directly into his ear.

The boy's body shot up and with a groan he stood up. It had barely been a week since you started teaching Baekhyun and he was already falling apart. You rolled your eyes at him and you started the basics all over again.

“I look like an idiot Areummm,” he whined.

“And there's no one but me in this park field and out of all the things I judge you for this would be the least of my concerns. You have no way of embarrassing yourself in front of anyone who cares,” you told him with a smirk.

“My rep is ruined,” Baekhyun muttered under his breath.

“What rep?” you asked innocently as you corrected his slouching posture.

He grunted at your unexpected strength. “Meanie,” he pouted at your statement.

“Besides,” you went on, “you made a promise to your friend right? If you really wanted to fulfill his wish you wouldn't complain about your rep or lack thereof and do your best to become a better dancer.”

“You're right,” Baekhyun straightened his back and started from the top. You smiled at his new burst of energy from his resolve. And that's when you knew he would make sure to stick to his word and become an artist worth noticing.

***

Baekhyun's voice rings through your head.

“Sorry Baek, what were you saying?”

“Oh, I was just wondering whether you remembered the time I almost stopped dancing…”

“My 1st year of high school? Yeah I remember you wanted to quit. Being sensible, I stopped you. You owe me for that still Baek,” you tease.

“Thanks for stopping me from being an idiot. I may have embarrassed myself then but I would definitely have regretted if I actually quit,” he exclaims.

“Little did you know the girls were all over you after that day,” you let him know.

“No girl that mattered,” he breathes out, almost incomprehensibly. Before you can register what he said he pops another question: “What did you think of me that day?” Then, for what seems like the 100th time, you find yourself recounting another flashback…

***

You walked into the small dance practice room of the school that the dance teacher would let you borrow after school on Wednesdays and Fridays. To your surprise, Baekhyun was already in the studio. He wasn’t practicing though, instead, he was shoving his belongings into a gym bag.

“Baek? What are you doing?” You questioned him with a confused look. He turned and faced you with a defeated look in his eyes. “I’m done Areum-ah. I can’t dance anymore. I quit,” he stated. Your eyes widened as you watched him walk out of the studio with his head hung low and a cap covering his face. He glanced around as if to make sure no one saw him…

It dawned on you. Earlier that day you had heard you friends gossiping about a video on SNS of Baekhyun dancing. Your entire table was filled with girls exclaiming things such as “OMG did you guys see how hot he looked?” or “God his legs and his hip thrusts are sooo perfect,” even the occasional “Areum, I can’t believe you aren’t fangirling over him! Or how you haven’t made out with him even though you’re SUPER close to him!”  You had, for the most part ignored their juvenile comments. You weren’t even bothered or jealous because you got to see him dance and even better, improve, each day.

At the time you had smiled to yourself because you were proud of putting himself out there. Later that day you saw his friends surrounding him and watched silently as Baekhyun blushed at whatever they were saying. Only now, as he packed his things, did you realize that his friends had been making fun of him and that perhaps he HADN’T uploaded the video himself.

You placed the pieces together. You were annoyed at his immature friends for pressuring him to feel like dancing was a feminine hobby but even more upset that even after years of dancing Baekhyun was still embarrassed. You ran after him and caught his hand outside in the rain.

“WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING BYUN BAEKHYUN?” You demanded as you caught up to him.

“I told you,” your friend sighed exasperatedly, “I’m done dancing. All of my friends laugh at me and I hate how that feels. I’m quitting Areum.”

“No you are not” you told him with finality.

“Look, you can’t just tell me what--”

“--to do? Yes I certainly can. I didn’t waste the past 4 fucking years teaching you how to dance just so you could be a coward and walk away.  Do you always let other people’s opinions control you? You’ve improved so much as a dancer and I’m telling you this as a teacher and not a friend. I can’t fathom why you are still embarrassed by your passion. Is that how pathetic of a friend I have?”

“YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND AREUM!” Baekhyun snapped.

“I don’t need to understand anything because your excuse is terrible,” you told him with a glare. “Were you embarrassed of Junghoon when he told you he wanted to dance?” You asked softly with an emotionless, serious voice.

Tears began to roll down his face, tears that you knew Baekhyun had been holding back for years, tears that betrayed his control at his deceased best friend’s name. “Please, Areum, don’t bring him up,” he begged.

“Are you ashamed when you think of your friend? Do you not remember his promise?” you pressed.

“Never,” Baekhyun sobbed softly. “Then why ever would you let other people, people that don’t care about you, tell you what’s right and wrong? Is that how little of respect do you have for all the hours of effort I put in for you? Forget me, is that how little you care about Junghoon?” You asked him.

“Because I’m scared Areum. I feel so out of place when all my friends do sports while I sing and dance. It makes me feel so weak…” he trails off.

“Let me tell you Baekhyun, as one of your closest friends, that the only weakness you have is letting others dictate who and what you love. Don’t ever let them.” You knew your statement was hypocritical considering your own pressure with your father but you hoped that at least Baekhyun would be a better person and carry his dream to the future. “Come on,” you beckoned him back into the school building.

You led him back to the practice room as the two of you sat in silence. “You’re drenched Areum,” Baekhyun noticed with a sniffle. You chuckled at his obvious statement and shook your head.

“That’s the least of my concerns right now Baek.” You watched as he tucked a wet strand of hair behind your ear and sighed. You picked up his mp3 and selected a song, She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5, that you both loved. You motioned him to get up and he understood easily, realizing you wanted him to dance.

“I’m only doing this because of Junghoon,” Baekhyun grumbled.

You frowned, “You should do it for YOURSELF Baekhyun,” you told him as you started the recording. His eyes widened at your choice but he said nothing.

A voice filled the room with the melody of the song, acoustic version. Then you realized the beautiful voice belonged to Baekhyun. The voice and mispronounced lyrics were unmistakably his.

You watched him dance and you admired his improvement. Your own feet brought you up as you danced alongside your friend.

“You’re right,” Baekhyun whispered as he danced, “I’ll dance for myself and Junghoon, for both of us… but most of all I’m dancing for you Areum.”

You didn’t hear him though as you let the rhythm of the song control your body. Besides, you were too preoccupied watching Baekhyun. The 2 of you danced and, unknown to yourself,  you were also falling in love.

***

Your eyes flutter open from the flashback dream. Baekhyun’s head is still on your lap and, after contemplating for a moment, you shake Baekhyun awake.

“Let’s go sleep in our bedrooms Baek,” you mumble, nudging his body off you.

“Hmmkay,” he agrees sleepily. “Wait, can we both just go to my room? Please?” he requests adorably in a slightly muffled gibberish. You consent and the 2 of you stumble into his room and crash onto his bed.

Baekhyun’s arms wrap around you and he hugs you close to himself. Your breath hitches but you push your feelings aside. “Thank you so much Jeon Areum, for being such a wonderful friend, Love You,” Baekhyun lets you know. You want to linger on his words: Friends? Love? Why…

Instead though, you rush out, “I love you Baekhyun…” But much to your disappointment, and relief, Baekhyun has already fallen fast asleep.

You close your eyes as well, and, in your dreams, the 2 of you are still dancing…

HOW CAN AREUM STAND THIS BOY

Baekhyun tryna dance with that #swag

LIKE AND COMMENT AND RESHARE BECAUSE CUTE BAEK SAID SO... AM I HYPNOTIZING YOU IS THIS WORKING? I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE!

A/N END OF PART ONE GUYS. I WILL BE DOING ONE MORE PART BUT THAT WON’T HAPPEN FOR A WHILE. PART 2 MIGHT GET A LITTLE MORE M RATED BUT NOT THAT MUCH *coughs* jimin fic *coughs* and yeahhh. MEANWHILE THOUGH, I’LL BE WRITING A ONE MORE DAY FIC (BASED ON SISTAR’S M/V) YES IT WILL BE GIRLXGIRL WITH SOOHYUN AND HAENA SONG BUT I PROMISE IT WILL BE EMOTIONAL AND THE BEST OF MY ABILITY BUT MORE ON THAT LATER... LIKE AND RE-SHARE BECAUSE IDK I’M JUST HOPING YOU GUYS ARE EASILY DECEIVED BY MY BAEK GIFS INTO THINKING MY WRITING IS GREAT. AS ALWAYS REQUESTS ARE WELCOME (I may not get to them too soon)... ASK ME QUESTIONS IN MY DOOBYDOO (my inbox) OH I ALSO OFFER SHITTY LIFE ADVICE BECAUSE LET’S BE REAL ALL OF TUMBLR IS ONE GIANT THERAPY SESSION/HOUSE FOR THE MENTALLY UNHINGED. LOVE Y’ALL BAIII -- JadeTheUnicornAdmin

[kpopisagif-t]

LMAO so I was watching BP’s Weekly Idol and Jennie looks like she’s about to take the food and run with it XDD. 

Scenario: I was hella tired. We had been dancing for nearly 2 hours nonstop and the last time I’d eaten was lunch nearly 5 hours ago. So, of course, when they came in with the Pizza and Chicken I near lunched for it. I grabbed onto it like it was my lifeline. My mouth was watering asI heard someone tell us “make sure you share the food.” Of course I wasn’t paying much attention and when my members weren’t looking, I hugged the boxes to my chest and ran. I love them and all but the food was gonna be mine

A/N I know this blog has had like 0 gif scenarios because school and I kinda lost the ones i already had... whups. Follow for more bad quality gifs, scenarios, puns, fluff, and lemons

[kpopisagif-t]

THANK YOU RANDOM PEOPLE

This is so extra but meh. I just wanted to thank all of you for reading and liking my Jimin Fic (180 notes is like fucking insane y’all). I just wanted to remind you guys that I accept requests so if you wanna see something from me just ask!! Thank y’all so much and happy tumbling!

[kpopisagif-t]

HAKYEON QUIT BEING RUDE AF. I ALMOST FAINTED OMLLL

[kpopisagif-t]

Amen 🙏🏾 finally a smut with chimchim where shes a tall ass woman . Thanks for that ❤️ *dabs back to bed *

Well I wasn’t gonna make her a short ass woman! How is she supposed to beat him up if she needs to???

[kpopisagif-t]

Tied in Silk- Blood Sweat And Tears Smut (JiminXReader)

It all felt surreal. Everything. The fact that you knew an idol. The fact that you were friends with them. The fact that the 2 of you constantly talked to each other. Each occurrence seemed more improbable than the last. And this one was no exception.

You sit on your couch staring at the college textbook in front of you. Words and numbers fill your head in a mindless jumble. You groan and smack your head on the desk in front of you, muttering more than a few innovative curses to yourself. Why you thought studying abroad in Korea for few years was a good idea remains a mystery.

Your stomach growls in its ever present hungry state. What even is your stomach? A vortex that consumes all types of junk food? You aren’t sure but what you do know is that you need to eat something if you want to be able to focus. You gaze at the kitchen which seems so far from your seat on the couch… so fucking farrrr.

You push through though because the only thing worse than exercise is a hungry stomach. Groaning, you drag your lazy ass to the kitchen and open the fridge door. You’re greeted by a shelf of soju, a dozen eggs, some milk, and cabbage. As much as you appreciate a few soju bottles you can't possibly drink just soju as a snack and the rest of the items are not very appetizing to eat raw. You go over to your pantry but you’re greeted by yet another near-empty space. A pack of ramyun is all that is left and with a sigh you go to the stove to boil some water.

The doorbell suddenly rings at your apartment door. Hangry and annoyed, you lower the flame of the cooking ramyun, walk over to yank the door open and demand “What do you want?”

To your surprise Jimin, as in THE Jimin, is standing outside your door with a slightly amused look on his face. You scan your attractive idol friend up and down, scrutinizing him with a glare. “Well hello to you too,” he answers with a smirk. You roll your eyes but can’t help but smile back, “You interrupted my ramyun making, of course I’m gonna be annoyed but, with all due respect, come right on in,” you make a grand gesture towards the interior of your dingy apartment.

“You’re certainly catty and sarcastic today,” Jimin notes. “Thanks, it’s a side effect of living alone and staring at a textbook for hours. It’s called acute hyper psychotextbookosis or in basic terms the insanity that follows studying; savagery is the response to it,” you ramble off.

“I see you’ve been studying your medical terms doctor-nim,” he bows cutely. “Good job detective, now would you mind explaining why you’re here, how you got here, and what I’m supposed to do now? I know I’m great company and all but I doubt you came here because you missed your pal,” you evaluate.

“Geezus, Y/N, you don’t even give me an opportunity to say a word. Always the smart-ass. Would you mind if I sat down before I gave you the story,” Jimin asks you politely and you nod. The two of you sit on the couch and he begins his rant:

“I don’t know if you’re aware, but we just started our promotion for our new album Wings and our title song Blood, Sweat, and Tears. Well, ever since the teaser released I kept seeing messages from this foreign ‘fan’ on sns forums and they’re all like: ARMY FANS WE CAN DO THIS BTS HWAITING! ARMY LET’S CRUSH THE OTHER GROUPS. JIMIN STOP HURTING ME SO MUCH. BABY JIMIN, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. UGH JIMIN I WILL RUIN YOU THE WAY YOU RUIN ME.”

“That escalated quickly. What drugs are these fans even on?” You wonder aloud. Jimin simply laughs and goes on with his story

“At first, I didn’t think much of it, just them being a fan. Slowly it got to the point where they posted really disgusting fanfictions. Normally, I’m don’t mind the stuff fans write but this was sickening things. Again, I just ignored it. But now, I think the fan is stalking me because pictures of places where normally no one knows I go to pop up with my address at that moment tagged. I keep getting obsessive fan mail and really objectifying pictures sent to me and I think they were trying to catch me back at my dorm after the dress rehearsal and performance today and tonight. I just needed a place to hide out and I saw your friend, Jikyo, at a coffee shop and got your address from her since I figured I could come here. Would you mind if I hid out here for a few? I already talked to my manager and members, they thought this was the best option… whaddaya say??”

You hum under your breath as if contemplating. “Wellllll…” you stretch, “I personally think you brought some of this upon yourself. Your title song is literally about BDSM and they always give you these super weird revealing clothes. Don’t you think you’re just begging to become a sex toy?”

Jimin frowns at your response, “So that’s a no?”

“I mean, I don’t think I’d mind you staying here but your concept is very… provocative, and I just think this should be an expected response from fans. You attack their fragile souls you know?” You explain, failing to maintain your poker face.

Jimin catches on to your teasing and raises an eyebrow, “You certainly happen to know how I affect my fangirls and fanboys. Not to mention how aware you are of our concept. Are you sure you're not the one making our concept sexual?”

“Please,” you scoff, “Not even the most innocent bunny could convince me that shoulder throw of your sparkly suit on stage is a wardrobe malfunction.”

“You watch me perform?” His smirk grows.

“Correction. Jikyo does. Avid fangirl she is… She always insists I watch your songs and ‘support my friend’ but secretly I think she just wants me to become an ARMY as well. I really don't bother with your group… Why would I watch a Jimin all perfect in front of the camera when I could just talk to the real idiot without all the disgusting makeup. Don't you remember how we met in the first place? I assure you I'm not one of your psycho fangirls.”

Jimin laughs as he recalls that particular event. “I didn't think you'd be such an aggressive drunk. Seriously, all I did was bump into you at that cafe shop and you got all up in my face, calling me a pretty boy with zero manners. When I tried to apologize and help you up, you cussed me out for assuming you were, and I quote, ‘a damsel in distress’. I still can't believe you had the guts to do that even after knowing I was famous. I was highly impressed,” he tells you begrudgingly.

“Yeah, well, I was in a mood after exam results and I wasn't gonna handle anyone's shit,” you mutter without the slightest hint of embarrassment.

“You know, this I why I insisted on being your friend. You don't treat me like an idol and you're not afraid to shred people into bits,” he tells you.

“That's me, chimchim. Forever the ice princess. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to my dumbass textbook and notes,” you start to get up but he pulls you back down by your waist onto his lap.

“You're too stressed Y/N… Loosen up,” he mumbles in your ear, too close for comfort. You can tell he's trying to spur a reaction out of you and you know that 2 can play at this game. You turn to face him and stare blankly into Jimin’s eyes. You decide to use the element of surprise.

“No,” you say and lean forward to give him a chaste kiss before pulling back.  You can feel his grip loosen slightly as his pulse rises and you attempt to wriggle out of his grip. Almost instantly, he recovers and pins you back down. You have to admit, he’s perseverant and you don’t mind this more-than-friends thing going on either.  He IS a hot idol for goodness sake. You’d be lying if you said you never felt sexually attracted to him.

Jimin is the one that surprises you this time by pressing his lips against yours. Your eyes widen and your mind starts to calculate the repercussions of kissing back. Before you make your decision, Jimin’s lips leave yours. “Payback,” he says with a smug look. “I think not,” you reply, not about to let him win this one. You pull him back down with more force and crash your chapped lips against his soft ones.

Things start to get more heated than anticipated and you hear Jimin growl in arousal. Your own smirk grows at this and you leave practically no space between you and him.

“How did we even end up here,” you mutter in between the uncalled for kiss.

“You started it,” Jimin says in an accusing tone.

“Yeah and you didn't make any attempt to stop it did you know?”

“Why should I? You're beautiful, sarcastic, smart, and so dominating,” he attempts to flatter you.

“You are aware that I can't blush right? And was that last part supposed to be hinting something?”

“That's up to you babe,” Jimin answers as he moves to kiss your jaw and neck

“I hate the word babe,” You inform him.

“Okay sweetheart,” he corrects.

“That's only slightly less gross. I'll take it though… and Jimin?”

“Hmmm?” he asks as moves down your collarbone, occasionally biting at the skin there.

“I am the dominant type,” you whisper into his ear. You grab his purplish hair suddenly and pull him back up to kiss him harshly. You push him off you, surprised you could even cause him to budge. You're well aware of how built he is and you figure he is just letting you have your way with him.

You back him up towards your bedroom door and press him up against it, using all your energy to kiss him. You don't let him easily have it. Your kisses sting and every time you pull away his lips are more swollen.

Your hands move on their own towards the buttons on his shirt. As you undo them, Jimin’s hand reaches behind to open the door to your bedroom door. It clicks open and you force him all the way back to the edge of your bed.

“Blindfold me,” he asks. You smile a sickly sweet smile at him. You grab a silk scarf and tie it around his eyes. He falls to his knees before you and extends his wrists. You realize what Jimin wants: he wants you to keep him blinded and bound the way he is in Blood, Sweat, and Tears. The thought makes you slightly uncomfortable. For all your talk about not blushing, the idea of doing what you are about to do makes you embarrassed.

However, you decide ignore the sane, normal part of you that wants to stop with whole roleplay shit and just let your wild side say: the heck with it, are you really going to turn down an opportunity to be with your dumb but totally fuckable idol friend. Even the rational part of you can’t argue that.

For some odd reason, you realize you have an abundance of silk scarves just waiting to be used for this very moment. You bind his wrists and order Jimin to get up. He does as you say with ease and once he’s up you tilt his chin up harshly and pull it towards your lips. It was at times like this you appreciated your height of 5’8”, when you’re at the perfect height for a kiss.

You slide the shirt off Jimin’s shoulders, barely ghosting your fingers down his chest and torso, slowly and deliberately avoiding the places he wants your touch the most. You can feel him breathing heavier  and you already notice his fist clenching.

“Do you want to see me?” You ask softly in his ear. He whimpers slightly. “I said, do you want to see me?” You repeat yourself. “Yes… Please,” he begs.

“But you're blindfolded aren't you. If you want me, you can't see me, you can't touch me. You can only have what I give you, you know that right?” You tell him.

“Well fuck…” Jimin mutters and you can tell that he's beginning to regret what he asked of you. On the other hand, you are starting to enjoy this more.

You force him back onto the bed and climb onto the mattress as well. “Undress me,” you instruct Jimin. His face scrunches up in confusion. With his hands tied and eyes covered you can see him trying to comprehend how you expected him to remove your clothes.

It takes Jimin a moment, but he does exactly what you want. With less difficulty than you anticipate, he drags your top up with his mouth, brushing his teeth along your torso. When he can push it up no more, you decide to help him and peel it off your body. Jimin moves back down to the waist of your athletic shorts, pulling it off quickly in an almost savage manner. He trails his lips back up to the line of your undergarments, but you push him off, not wanting to let him have you just yet. You are also extremely thankful for the blindfold on Jimin because you found your daisy duck underwear and mismatched heart bra humiliating. Jimin wouldn’t let you live that one down.

You grab him by the belt of his pants and unfasten the buckle quickly. “Someone’s done this before,” he mutters, slightly annoyed. You find his territorialism amusing but you don’t let it show. “I don’t see how that matters… and did I allow you to speak, Jimin?” you ask with a tug of his hair. “Maybe I shouldn’t be so easy on you…” you muse aloud. Jimin shakes his head violently, desperate to avoid your teasing. His dramatic response causes you to almost laugh and you try hard to stifle it. (lolol bepsae)

You continue to drag his pants down then push him back down onto the mattress. Jimin’s palms are clenching tighter now and restraint shows on his creased forehead. You straddle his torso and slide your palms up and down his shoulders and chest, moulding the muscles and skimming the sides. Leaning forward, you take his lips between your teeth and tug at it causing Jimin to groan. You press your lips down his jawline and mark his neck.

“Your turn,” you whisper. Jimin immediately latches his mouth onto your neck, biting and your own hand goes behind your back to unclasp your bra. You pull apart from Jimin and fling the bra halfway across the room. When you lay your body on top of his, Jimin freezes, hyper aware of the fact that a certain article of clothing was just discarded.

“Shiiit,” he whines to himself. You kiss Jimin some more and hold him down on the bed. You move yourself down to the foot of the bed and in one swift movement you pull Jimin’s boxers off. You hear Jimin gasp as you grab his length and wrap your mouth around it. A string of curses fall from Jimin’s puffy lips and sweat starts to cover his forehead. His fingers dig into his palms and he tries his best to remain still under your command. Your tongue slides up and down, from the base to the tip. You hollow your cheeks and suck in harshly and Jimin moans out loud.

“Shhh,” you tell him and continue moving your hand on his shaft. You hum against his cock and the vibrations course throughout Jimin’s body and he muffles a moan. You decide you've teased him enough and let go of your grip on his soaked hardness. You take off the last piece of clothing on you and your own core starts to ache with need. Still, you want to to stretch this a little longer… you slowly slide up and hover your hips over Jimin’s face. Without warning, you press your wet center on his mouth. His tongue swipes across you and he pulls at the nub with his lip. You nearly collapse then and there but instead your grab Jimin’s and rock back and forth riding his tongue. “Holy fucking shit,” you mutter as the feeling intensifies. You feel yourself getting closer and you reluctantly move off him to finally, finally give both of you what you want.

Slowly, just to tease Jimin, you lower yourself down on his length. “Please, I want to see you,” he begs. You can tell how much pain he's in by glancing at his red nails that are caked with blood from digging into his palms. Feeling merciful, you untie his blindfold and lean down to his face to kiss his eyelids.

You roll your hips back and forth easing the tension in both of you. Jimin lets out a sigh of relief  and you moan Jimin’s name.

“Fuckkk, oh god, that feels so fucking good, please don’t stop” he pants. You whimper, unable to generate a full response. You slow your movements just the slightest and almost immediately Jimin thrusts his hips upward into you harder to soothe his pain. You nearly move off him but his eyes widen in fear that you’re going to leave him like that. Chuckling, you pin him back down and rock harder and faster. Your entire body is covered in sweat and you let Jimin run his tongue all over your nipples and up to your neck.

You feel yourself getting closer and closer as the pressure coils up at your center. “Shit, Jimin-ah I’m so fucking close. Fuck me right there!” You nearly yell as you convulse around him, riding the waves of a high ecstasy. Just as you finish, Jimin cries out loud and he comes inside you, shuddering at the intensity of the feeling. You pull yourself off of him and lean down to clean the mess with your tongue.

Your body collapses besides Jimin, exhausted and spent in the most earth-shattering way possible. Jimin extends his hands towards you and your eyes shift down to his still-bound wrists and with a smirk you undo. You press your lips to the bruises on his wrist; a rather chaste gesture after what you 2 had just done but it still made you feel slightly self conscious.

“What the fuck did you do to yourself?” You ask Jimin as you notice his fingers covered in blood and his slightly bruised lip. “Sweetheart, do you have any idea how insane you made me. I couldn’t bear your teasing but I knew if I said anything you would’ve walked out on me.”

“Still, why do you look like you committed murder when all you did was have sex,” you mumble.

“I honestly think that murder would be the less sinful of those two,” he chuckles. “Besides, the best way to have sex is with blood, sweat and tears.”

“What kind of loser makes a reference with their own song,” you counter as a smile tugs at your lips. “Also, what kind of kinky bdsm shit are you into, Jimin.”

“I should be asking you that, dominatrix. You looked so fucking hot in control like that babe,” he whispers huskily into your ears. You cringe at the word babe once again. “I told you not to call me that Chimchim. Besides, I said I was dominating, not sadistic,” you inform him

“I think my dick begs to differ Y/N-ah. Don’t worry though, you’ll look much hotter tonight.”

You furrow your eyebrows, “What’s tonight? Don’t you just have your stage?” you ask.

“You know for a girl getting her masters you sure lack common sense,” Jimin muses.

“What the fuck are you saying Jiminnn, what’s tonight” you half whine.

Jimin brings his lips to your ears and whispers something as your eyes widen.

“Round 2, babe. But this time, I’ll be in charge.”

And it’s in that moment you realize that your ramyun is burning in the fucking kitchen.

[kpopisagif-t]

Story Time! With Jade the Unicorn

Ahaha so this story is slightly uncalled for and random but it had to be shared. I was watching this video ^^^ of my most favorite rookie groups, Pentagon (because they totally slayed their debut with the song Gorilla), and I saw that one of the members actually wanted to be a flight attendant (what a career shock). I was telling my friend how I’d probably hate to get off my flight if Yanan was the attendant and how I’d keep asking for like water and blankets and random crap. I then remembered that a couple years ago on a flight from like here to Qatar I had this really cute British attendant guy and I pretty much nagged him to the ends of the earth with requests. (He was actually the sweetest though loll) I was just really fascinated by his accent because it was just really nice to listen to. I’m just so weird like I have no idea how this has anything to do with anything but idk story time. Do you guys want me stop like my randomness or does this amuse you XD?  

[kpopisagif-t]

What Happened Before EXO’s Photoshoot: A Play

Act 1 Scene 2: How Chanyeol Became Ronald McDonald

Chanyeol groggily rubs his eyes, stretching, after an afternoon nap. He gets up to go to the bathroom and is greeted with a horrible surprise.

Chanyeol: AHHHHHHH (lets out blood curdling scream and fall to the floor) WHY IS THERE A CLOWN IN MY BATHROOM. WHAT KIND OF PRACTICAL JOKE IS THIS. THIS ISN'T FUNNY KAI, YOU KNOW I HATE CLOWNS. (Gets up and looks into the mirror once more. Eyes widen as realization dawns: HE was the clown).

Chanyeol frantically runs to his phone to dial stylist noona up and notices a message from stylist noona.

Chanyeol: (Reads Noona’s text)

Stylist Noona: Remember to wash your dye out in 15 mins otherwise it will be too bright and you'll be stuck with that hair for comeback! *sent 2 hours ago*

Chanyeol: NO NO NO NO. THIS CAN'T BE TRUE. PLEAAAASSSSEEEEE

(Chanyeol wakes up panting)

Chanyeol: Oh thank god! It was just a dream… Nuts! I'm gonna be late to the photoshoot I should go see how the other members are first!

(Chanyeol steps outside his room where the members all wait for him. They turn and stare at him, horrified)

Kai: OHMYGOODNESS IT'S RONALD McCHANYEOL!!!

Chanyeol: WAIT WHAT! (Xiumin flashes a mirror at him where Chanyeol’s hair is an bright red afro). THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING… (falls to the floor with dramatic music) NOOOOOO!!!

(Curtains close once more and music fades. Spotlight lingers on a weeping Chanyeol for a few more seconds before fading)

[kpopisagif-t]

What Happened Before EXO's Photoshoot: A Play

Act 1 Scene 1: How Kyungsoo’s Hair Got Mowed Down With a Tractor

(D.O sleeps calmly upon a couch, resting for his group, EXO’s comeback. Then all of a sudden, a drunk stylist stumbles into their dorm room. The stylist decides to run a small tractor on Kyungsoo's head)

D.O: (Wakes up startled) Wha- what happened to my hair

Stylist: WHUPS OMG D.O I'M SORRY! Here I'll fix it. (grabs scissors and starts cutting haphazardly since the stylist is drunk. Over-applies gel and hands mirror to Kyungsoo)

D.O: WHAT THE LOVING HELL! It's even worse now!

Stylist: (giggles) whupsie daisy... Oh look you have to go to your MV shoot... Looks like you’re stuck with this comeback...

D.O: (Eyes widen in horror as dramatic music plays) Bu-but my HAIR. I'M GONNA LOSE ALL MY STANS. GOD HALP. WTFFFF what do I DOOO (breaks down and cries)

(Curtains draw to close... Dramatic music fades out)

A/N Lmfao guys,I was just going through my docs folder filled with a bunch of random drabbles and I found like a compilation of little dramatic skits that I wrote in honor of EXO’s horrifying Lucky One/Monster Photoshoot. Omg kill me now I’m so done with my stupid self but this was too hilarious not to post. (I also have one for chanyeol)

[kpopisagif-t]

Requests and Asks

Just so you people are aware, feel free to ask me questions about anything and everything (i’ll try to get back to them). If you want me to write any fanfics I’m open to requests of any kpop group that I know!!