#her saying MC has no charm is total denial though

[lostworldss]

this was so funny lmao

[ohhoworiginalrfaheadcanons]

can i request something on the exact moment he's fallen in love with mc please? i love your hcs so much!!

I don’t know who ‘he’ is so I guess I’m gonna try to do every boy. It’s a little bit of a difficult prompt, though, as generally speaking love is a process and not a singular moment of flipping a switch, but I’ll do my best.

The moment the RFA (realized they) fell in love with the MC

YOOSUNG

Pinpointing the moment that his obsessive crush turns to love is difficult, even for Yoosung. His feelings are all tumbled up and confused from the first moment he hears the MC’s voice, or maybe even from the first moment she became the next ‘party planner’ and his broken, grieving heart told him ‘I won’t have to hurt because Rika is gone if she’s not gone anymore’.

Therefore it really is hard to say the exact moment he truly fell in love with her. Given the wild situation that followed up his realization that he’d been unfairly mixing together his feelings for the MC and Rika, he never really had the time to examine his feelings for her very closely. He knew that he cared for her and needed her, and that the thought of losing her made it feel like he’d be swallowed up by a great black hole that would crush him with its overwhelming emptiness until he was less than even dust.

He really can’t pinpoint the moment his confused feelings turned into love purely for the MC and not for the memory of Rika through the MC, only that they absolutely did. 

Perhaps it was the moment that he was certain he was about to die and he thought not of seeing Rika, but of not getting to see her.

The exact moment was probably when he finally did see her, standing across the room, beautiful and perfect, the sun that filled his life with warmth and love, who gave him the strength to be more than he ever believed he could be not because she was some reincarnation of echo of Rika, but because she wasn’t.

If he didn’t know before then, it had to be that moment that he knew for sure he loved the MC with all of his heart, and always would do so.

ZEN

It’s honestly also pretty tough to say when he fell in love with her exactly. He’s easy, and he won’t even front that he isn’t. He could tell immediately from the way she typed in chat that she was cute, and his feeling that she had a good heart proved to be true almost immediately. It goes without saying even if she’d been a cat person, a weird jokester like Seven, or a workaholic who needed to find a way to take a break sometimes, he’d have liked her all the same. He’s easy, and when they met he was frankly a little desperate.

But she didn’t care for cats, she liked his work, she liked him. She called him and asked him to sing for her, she appreciated and supported his work but she also liked him. Of course he was charmed and enchanted by her quickly. But when did he truly fall for her, not just her cuteness, not just as a girlfriend he was desperate for?

It’s a little weird to think about in retrospect, but the very moment that he opened his eyes and knew, the moment the pit of his stomach twisted and pulled his heart along with it like it never had before, was actually the moment he woke up after that dream. That terrible feeling he had, the sense that the MC would be taken away as a hostage and he’d truly lose her forever still lingered in his mind even after he woke up from it. If you only know what you have once you’ve lost it, then that dream made him realize just how much he truly loved the MC by experiencing losing her. In a way, it could also be said that in losing her in the dream, the feeling of having her back that he experienced upon waking was the moment his already deep feelings for her crystallized into actual love.

707

When did he first fall in love with her?

What did it feel like before he’d ever taken a breath, just after being born, when he first drew in air in his lungs?

When he first tasted food and his belly was full, or when he first saw or heard something, what did it compare to never having heard or seen anything?

He’s got a pretty great memory, but he can’t answer any of those questions, because it’s so long ago now that he just can’t remember. They’re all such precious things that by all rights it should be burned in his memory completely, but instead those sensations became so normal they’ve become something he takes for granted - he just knows that when he inhales he’ll receive air, when he looks he’ll see, and when he touches he’ll feel.

The MC is light in his darkness, and that light is so blinding it’s hard for him to know or remember, because it makes his eyes water and his vision blur when he tries to look back at when that light began.

It’d be easy to say the moment he loved her was when he ran to save her, but that probably isn’t true, because she became his motivation for doing...just about everything, long before that point. He told himself that he was only pretending and playing along with her like he did everyone else to make himself feel better about it, but is that really true?

He’s pretty sure he’s not so easy that the moment he saw her in the CCTV he fell for her - his heart’s too stony for that. But in the same way it’s hard to pinpoint the moment that the first ray of sunlight slips over the horizon in the dark of the night, even if that’s the moment dawn starts, it’s hard to pinpoint the moment her light cracked through his stone into his darkness, even if that’s the moment he began to love her.

It was probably before the point where he sicced a flame-throwing dog robot on his superior and risked ugly death to protect her from what might be a threat. But he knew by then he was in over his head, he wasn’t totally in denial or blind.

In the end it was probably just like the dawn. In the middle of a quiet night, when he wasn’t paying attention at all, and he heard her laugh over the phone.

JUMIN

It goes without saying that Jumin doesn’t actually recognize the moment he falls for her. He doesn’t really understand love like that. He’s observed the love V and Rika had, he knows the difference between how his father treats him and how everyone else in his life has and how he feels toward his father in turn, and he knows that he felt something special toward Rika himself, but none of those really encompass the feeling of romantic love from himself to someone else.

As such, if his feelings for the MC differed from the rest of the RFA, it would be all too easy for him to excuse and dismiss it as a friendly rapport built up from the fact that she was smart and kind and seemed to understand not just his humor but him in ways the rest of the RFA simply didn’t. Logically, it only stands to reason that he’ll feel closer to and like her more than the others if they’re on the same wavelength and she’s not purposefully attempting to aggravate him.

As such, under normal circumstance there’s no telling when he might realize his feelings for her differ from that of the rest of the RFA, nor when they really would differ. In some ways, then, it’s lucky that things go all sideways as suddenly and extremely as they do. It makes it very easy for him to pinpoint that moment he became absolutely certain his feelings shifted from protective and friendly to inappropriately romantic.

When he tried to lock himself away from the world, to cut himself off to sort through things on his own as he always usually did, somehow she found her way over to turn up on his doorstep without any warning, without him having to ask her, and without him even realizing until then that he needed her to be there.

That moment is undoubtedly the moment Jumin Han absolutely fell in love with her.

I don’t know enough about V and Ray’s routes to do theirs.

[flying-elliska]

Hii Ellie. This is kind of a personal question and it’s totally okay if you don’t answer it. How did you come to terms with your sexuality? How or when did you know you were bi? I know that it’s not about putting tags on people or anything like that, it’s just that I’ve kind of been struggling with it and it’d be nice to read your experience if you want to share it

Ooooh anon do you have three hours ? lol. Of course I want to talk about it if it can help anyone even a little. 

The tl;dr is : in stages, I struggled a lot, and bi characters were super important to me. 

So I think as a kid/teen I always had this vague notion that ladies were very pretty, but I was not a lesbian bc I liked boys too much, and besides I had these horrible ideas in my mind about queerness being immature and yucky, it was bad. I think I pretty much did have crushes on several of my girl friends but I just didn’t understand that’s what it was, just super intense friendship and being jealous when they got boyfriends hmmmm. Also my ‘fashion folder’ was full of pics of Keira Knightley in a tank top, cause that’s the height of fashion, am I right. I also wrote a letter to a girl I met at camp telling her her voice was so soft and eyes were beautiful and full of stars...do you wanna be friends ? Lol I was so obvious I swear, but it’s funnier in hindsight. 

Then when I was 18 I met this older girl in my circle of friends who was bisexual and I thought it was really cool, but I didn’t really connect the dots. I am ashamed to say, I thought she was saying that to give herself a vibe. 

Then when I was 19 i bingewatched the series Torchwood  ( a Doctor Who spinoff) and it felt like an absolute revelation. Jack Harkness, the MC, is this incredible badass rogue time travelling adventurer from the future who charms women and men left and right without any issue about it. (I think he’s...omnisexual or something ?) But this is the first time I saw the possibility of being attracted to multiple genders as something that’s actually valid. Seems silly now but this was almost 10 yrs ago, lol. It was the dark ages in terms of queer rep back then. And it’s such an integral part of Jack’s character, and he’s just so cool and it really struck a chord with me, this idea that in the future anyone can love whoever they want. There was the idea of a society that is founded on those principles, and well, I am very political in nature I guess, and i was like. yes. i can see it now. but it remained theorethical. 

Then the year after that, Erasmus exchange and I meet this girl. Like, it was bam! in your face, I fell head over heels. Now, tbh, I don’t get attracted to people all that often, but when it came to her it was absolutely indeniable. Now, she was already with someone else, so we remained just friends and it did suck a little, but I’m not sad, because it taught me a lot about myself (and she was just such a cool person in general I’m glad I met her). I just couldn’t get past it, yeah she was cool and stuff but I didn’t just want to be her friend, I was attracted to her, I daydreamed about being in a couple with her, doing romantic stuff, etc. And it was super validating to learn she was also bi a little later down the line (she was such goals in general, god.) So then after that I was like...um am I a lesbian ? Like I do have a lot of issues with men. And so I spent a lot of time having this wishy washy thing in my head.  Also that year, I was in Amsterdam taking all those gender studies classes. And it opened up my mind in a radical way - learning about queer history, the fact that sexualities are socially constructed, feminism, activism, etc etc....it allowed me to let go of a lot of my crappy internalized prejudices. I also wrote an essay on burlesque with in field research because i ‘liked the costumes’ yeahhhh right okay. The levels of denial oh my god. ANyway. 

Then i got really, really into Supernatural for a while (sigh...it was better back then, I have to say). This was s8 and the high moment of the ‘let’s prove Dean Winchester is bi’ meta palooza on tumblr. And spending so much time hunting for clues and reading so much about people explaining their own experiences of being bisexual and not realizing it until later I was like....wait a minute....That’s just so me. Dean probs will never come out of the closet, because they’re cowards, but I certainly did, so yay, I guess. I looked over my past and I was finally able to understand. I wrote the meta of my own life. Lmao. And I was able to come out to one of my friends on the phone. I felt so fucking powerful afterwards. Then to a few other friends. And it felt good. 

Then I came back to Amsterdam and I was like, alright, time to stop being a coward and actually get involved in some real life LGBT stuff. So I joined a student association and man. It was so fucking scary. I remember, they had this meet up at a bar every month, and I actually went twice, and every time I just was too nervous to actually go inside, i stood in front of it, and I went home. So in the end I actually signed up to be a member and for the integration day, so I just forced myself to show up. And I did. It was so incredibly nervewracking. I met up with a group of students holding up a rainbow flag in front of the central station and we had these series of challenges to do - take a pic with a rainbow flag in front of one of those bible thumpers, stage a harry potter duel in public, order a starbucks drink with the name ‘Vagina Jensens’, mimick the titanic scene where they’re on the edge of the boat...it was so silly and fun and everyone was so nervous in the end, it was awesome. I ended up on the newsletter committee of that association and I had a blast, interviewing people, writing book reviews, etc...I did have complexes though, that everyone was more cool and gay aware than me lol. But it still did a lot for me and helped me come out to my family. (at a restaurant for my 25th birthday because i am a drama queen lol.). At the same time it was very...mainstream gay frat house lol. Focused on partying and drinking and being sociable in a way that can be exhausting to me, and a little light on the politics, which has always been important to me. After that I volunteered for the Eurobicon as I spoke about earlier and it was so important to me, that being bisexual is such a worthy identity to have in itself and important to me beyond being just queer, it was really cool. 

I’m not totally there yet I guess, because I find relationships in general difficult, it’s been a while, I often feel like i don’t have enough experience to call myself bi, I’m nerdy and awkward, I don’t fit the cliché of the seductive bisexual, etc etc. i sometimes think that i’m a little bit on the ace spectrum too or at least demisexual because i don’t seem to be into people as often as most of my friends, and even then it’s very emotionally-focused. I also feel very weird about gender in general so that’s also a whole other thing. And my brain is wonky and i feel it interacts with all that.  I still have moments of ‘oh what if i’m actually a lesbian ! straight ! ace !’ looool.

But less now. I’m learning to let myself just...Be. ahahahahaah. And also I have more and more bi friends and that helps a lot, to just randomly swoon over multigendered celebrities and learn to be very casual about it. 

Anyway my point is. I included all those messy (kinda embarassing) details because : getting to terms with your sexuality is fucking hard. The wow i figured it out young and then came out and it was great thing ? still not for everyone. I think a key part is, we grow up with these ideals of the perfect life, of what it means to be the protagonist of your life - and most of the time still it involves hetero couple, marriage, babies - and to look beyond that, for a while, it feels like you’re going off track, disqualifying yourself. So it’s hard. Sometimes you actually need several moments of revelation, of it sinking in. It’s fine, it’s all fine. You’ll get there. No pressure. Don’t try to fit your story into a certain pattern. It’s yours, so it’s valid.