#her fit is so cheugy

[grilledcheese-savage]

Wouldn’t it be like… so crazy if Zoe lee actually dressed like a middle schooler… just saying 👀

[a-bit-too-much-of-a-pokemon-fan]

Oops, forgot to post my early review of Violet

I found this just chilling in the drafts of my main blog, so I'm gonna post my initial review of Pokémon Violet here, then follow up on it with thoughts now that I'm on my seventh playthrough (sixth Nuzlocke, third Hardcore Nuzlocke).

When I was in the midst of catching Pokémon and progressing the story of Violet, it hit me that I was having some of the most fun I’ve ever had playing Pokémon. The fact that the game runs so abysmally is all the more tragic because other than that, I’m tempted to say this is one of the best games in the franchise. I grew up on Platinum, and White/White 2 are my overall favorites, but Violet is creeping real close. Performance aside, I think the biggest weakness is one that most open world games suffer from—a fragmented story. It’s eerily similar to Breath of the Wild in that sense. The story that’s there is really good, but the world design leads to a loose execution. Compared to Skyward Sword and Pokémon Gen 5, which are suffocatingly linear but deliver a tightly executed story that hits all the right beats at all the right points.

That’s the crazy thing about Violet, too. The story isn’t just good because of the characterizations and themes. The dialogue is just straight up good. It feels like you’re talking to real people and not video game npcs, or at least the most like it we’ve gotten in Pokémon. The localization was clearly done by people who are young and/or in touch. There are so many little gems. A gym leader who is a streamer and tells her audience to smash the subscribe button? The earnest but out of touch school headmaster asking you what “cheugy” means? It’s so good.

I’m surprised with how well the three-prong story fits and comes all together in the end. The gym challenge in your standard Pokémon romp and is fun but honestly the least interesting of the three. Arven and Team Star’s stories are genuinely well-written and touching. They both start kind of weird and forced, but they grew on me really fast.

Alright, and the music is fucking fantastic. Pokémon has always had great music. That’s probably the coldest take in this post. But there are some serious hits in this score. The East Province themes, Team Star themes, and very spoiler-heavy, late-game songs are so, so good. They made a great choice bringing Toby Fox in for more tracks.

In terms of the game design though, I’m a huge fan. Terastylizing is probably the most interesting battle gimmick since double battles introduced in Gen 3. The regional Pokédex is a nice balance of mons from every generation and sits at a very respectable number of 400 Pokémon. I just caught myself a whole living dex up thru Gen 6, so for this playthrough I chose to only use new (Gen 8 and 9) Pokémon. Still, I came into it knowing I wanted to catch every mon I can. I was struck by just how much encounter variety there is. On a second playthrough where I allow mons from Gen 7 and earlier, I can see myself using a completely different team.

Ah, my team. My companions for this adventures were as follows: Zaza the Meowscarada, Li’l Buddy the Pawmot, Blaze the Ceruledge, False Knees the Corviknight, Honey Bun the Dachsbun, Connie the Frosmoth, and the late substitution for False Knees to cover my crippling weakness to fire-types: Norm the Veluza. I can and will go in depth into this team and what I love about it, but suffice it to say that Weed Cat was a great starter.

I do think I’ll need a second playthrough a while down the road before I can say if I love this game, but it’s easily one of my favorites in the series. Again, that’s why it’s poor performance sucks so much. I really, really like Violet, but it can be miserable to play sometimes. I know it can be so much better then it is. So let’s get to the elephant in the room.

Gamefreak needs to slow down. From what I saw of Sword and Shield (I skipped these ones), there are points where you can tell corners had to be cut. The problem became obvious with Legends Arceus. I love the gameplay, music, art direction, and all the little experiments the designers took, but holy Arceus above, the game looks like ass. If the devs were given more time, it could have looked so much better. And now we’re here with Scarlet and Violet. The art direction is strong but it’s obvious in one look that the devs were rushed. The only parts of the game that don’t consistently drop frames are the Tera raid battles. I’m sure there are countless people listing every performance issue, so I’ll stop there.

The devs need more time to put out their best work, and the Gamefreak and Pokémon Company execs know that. But. Their main audience is children. As a former child myself, I know that children have no taste or sense of quality. Unless the game is literally unplayable and crashes every other minute, kids will not notice the myriad performance issues. So they will continue to ask their parents to buy them the games, and the games will continue being purchased. The share of Pokémon fans who are A) adults, and B) concerned with the state of the games and franchise, is tiny compared to the primary audience. So unless the next game is so rushed that it actually sells as terribly as it runs, things will never change.

So,,, yeah. I give it a 6/10. Fix the performance and I’d give it a 9.5/10. Good game. They gave me a weed cat.

~~~~~~

Alright, that was the review I wrote on December 31st, six days after I got the game. I had just finished my vanilla playthrough of the game. I'm even more conflicted on the score now than I was before. I think I'll itemize it then revisit the overall score.

Music: Easy 10/10. Banger after banger here. Battle themes, boss themes, town themes, area themes, oh man. Almost everything is great. There are some tracks I aren't the biggest fan of, namely the West Province theme and variants. But the sheer quantity of songs I like, and the phenomenal use of adaptive music makes up for it.

Story: 8/10. Easily the strongest story of the series in terms of writing quality and dialogue. I don't have much more to say than what I wrote in December. It loses points on having that weaker execution than Black and White, and if I'm being honest, it still doesn't compare to the better-written non-Pokémon games I've played. Halo 4 or Undertale, anyone?

Trainer/Boss Battles: 7/10. Where are the healing items? Where are the switch-ins? Random trainer battles aren't always easy, granted. The trainers with black dialogue boxes (the strongest trainer of each area) are no joke, especially in Nuzlockes. Boss battles though. Thematically, always reserving their ace for last then Terastallizing works very well. It makes the battles much more predictable. I can definitely feel the lack of healing items, which reduces the amount of strategizing needed. I also dock points for removing set mode. That was legitimately the only form of a difficulty option in this game and they turned it into another input and a time loss every time you KO an opponent's Pokémon. It's especially frustrating when I return to Violet after playing earlier games that have the option. Overall enjoyable though.

Wild Pokémon Battles: 10/10. Phenomenal. Perfect, even. Continuing the mapping of Pokéballs to the X button instead of needing to go into the bag is perfect. Makes catching smoother. Pokéball animations are much faster. Roaming encounters are such a welcome change from random encounters. The only problem with them is that they complicate Nuzlockes, but that's really not the designers' fault.

Accessibility: 1/10. Abysmal. Disclaimer that I almost never use any accessibility options in games because I don't need them. But there's no options for disabling or toning down animations. No button remapping. No color blindness options. No text options beside changing the speed. Forgive me if I forgot some. Again, I don't use them so I don't usually think consciously about it. Besides, GameFreak forgot all of them. I give one point because falling of cliffs is made harder by a buffer, and you can warp back up if you do fall. Nintendo-published games need to have more accessibility options and I can't believe they keep getting away with their absence of options.

Presentation: 4/10. Oh, this is rough. Character and Pokémon models are fantastic, manmade structures are great, but almost everything natural looks terrible. I don't see any anti-aliasing. It's terribly optimized. Performance issues abound. And what's with the pace of battles? The higher ups needed to let the devs and QA teams cook. Damn.

Overall: ... 8/10. In some ways, ScarVio knocks it out of the park. In others, it falls flat on its face. But the most important part to me personally is whether the game is fun. And I stand by my previous take. It's some of the most fun I've had in Pokémon game. If my seven playthroughs (four complete, two Nuzlocke wipes, one in progress) are any indication, I like this game quite a lot.

[livsspecialinterests]

i recently saw a tiktok of a lady talking about trends and how she hoped that parting your hair to the side was going to be back 'in' in 2024 because she always liked the way her hair looks with a side part more than with a centre part and i just...?

this woman looked to be about my age too

babe there are no rules, no consequences to how you part the hair that grows out of your head! side parts were always going to come back 'in', then they'll be 'out' again, then they'll be 'in' again! this shit is cyclical! how are you almost 30 and you haven't figured this out yet?

please, please learn how to differentiate between 'i am deciding to wear xyz/style myself in this certain way because I like how it looks' and the reflex that so many people have to follow trends because they intrinsically know nothing about themselves except how to keep up with hyper consumerist trend cycles for fear of being labelled cheugy by a bunch of 19 year olds on tik tok for wearing a style that's out right now but will be repackaged and sold back to us in literally 3 years time.

also cannot be fucking doing with those smirking influencers telling people how to 'update their look' by, no surprises, buying an entire new wardrobe of slightly updated pieces that'll go out of fashion within a few years.

'hehe millennials, here's how your style is dating you!'

fuck off, Tiffany. i'm almost 30, i dress like i had an emo phase in 2007 that i never fully grew out of. i look and dress like my age and i don't give a shit what you think about that.

im glad I don't dress like a 19 year old! some of those styles look very uncomfortable! if you don't grow a fucking personality, in 10 years time, you're going to be looking back at how you dressed in 2024 and scoffing at how silly you looked! just dress how you want! develop some taste outside of the bounds of what your FYP is telling you looks good! you'll be happier for it I promise!

wearing your old clothes from 2013 is not 'dating' you, it's correctly aging someone, and that's fine! it's also really wasteful to throw out functional clothes that still fit (AND THAT YOU STILL LIKE) just because they're no longer deemed fashionable!

part your hair to the side, wear fucking 2016 instagram makeup if that's your jam, keep your skinny jeans and infinity scarves if that's what you like to wear!

your clothing and fashion should be about self expression, not a display of how well you're able to pull off the 34th microtrend of the year that shows literally nothing about you.

it's fucking soulless consumerism, empty performance.

anyone over the age of 25 should bloody well know better, please do some introspection and try to find your own identity instead of hanging off of the every word of whatever influencer's newest shein haul

stop asking for permission to express yourself.

“Thin brows are back in” “skinny jeans are back” “wolfcuts are out” “this style of eyeshadow is soo trendy right now” “big asses are out, slim figures are in”

Hey do you guys ever make your own decisions or form your own ideas on how you would personally like to look that’s not based around what’s currently being sold to you. Is that not possible

[likeapray3r]

Last night I had a dream with one of my best friends from high school (who felt like a sister) and it was so odd. I had such a hard time sleeping all night but every time I went back and forth from wiggling around in a sweaty pile I would go back to a dream where we were so close again. There wasn't a language being spoken from what I can remember but there was so much being said regardless of what I can remember. I felt so eager to make it known that I will always care, and that the past is in the past. Our friendship was so special, but there was a lot of darkness attached to it. Sometimes I still blame myself for leaving it where it was, maybe I was cowardly, and maybe I couldn't sit and watch my best friend wither away from drugs and the kind of escapism that's too much for any 18 year old to know what to do with. Maybe I was selfish for not knowing what to do, and then in turn choosing myself. Maybe I knew meeting up and seeing my friend fucked up almost every day broke my heart (and it did). I wonder if she ever thinks of our friendship from time to time, between the abrasiveness, because I know I do. I heard from our mutual friend that she's now engaged which makes me so happy...I remember when she told me when she met him the first week of college, and I remember her showing me the rare seeds he gathered for her (he studied plants from what I can remember). She has always had a big heart, of course being a scorpio. All she ever wanted was to love, be loved, take care, and have her spot be held. I think partially our friendship became a bit of a trauma bond where we both dispelled angst and an itch to escape the cards dealt, and in time I cracked under the pressure. I went lukewarm, suddenly. I remember the pit I felt in my stomach when I realized maybe it would always be like that. That maybe to have her in my life meant to be ok with the glossed over eyes and the slow loss of a light from who I always knew. But it wasn't always like that. I knew she struggled. I wish I could've begged her to see how much better it could be, but I didn't. I loved our nonsensical pet names and I loved our late night pancakes/chili/vegan-slop in the city when it was way too late for the both of us. When I think of her I think about how badly I wish I could've changed the trajectory we had together. I miss taking turns blasting music in the car until we could barely hear anything other than our annoying sing-alongs and banter. I wish there was a timeline where I can lay everything out and take accountability for the space I held and still hold. But even in a life where that isn't possible I will always wish her the greatest in this life, because I know it's what she deserved. I hope the things that kept her low never touch her again. I hope the people around her see how great she is and treat her as such. There are some friendships that I hold the memory of forever and this is one of them I will never forget, as long as time allows. You don't get to meet people at a line of honesty and vulnerability often in this life. No matter what I saw I will always love her. In my dream I felt like I had a sister again, and someone who got it without much explanation. I should have answered her long-winded text years ago and I shouldn't have been selfish with my time, but I was. Maybe karma is also the space someone holds in your heart far after they've vacated. I don't mind it, she can have whatever room fits the best, even when she's gone. And she can bring a laptop to watch videos of that one obnoxiously hilarious Italian man on YouTube who sang Celine dion, lived a cheugy yet obscured lifestyle, who seemed to live on a boat? His lipgloss was always popping. How the hell did she ever find that guy? That’s exactly why I loved her

[atlanticcanada]

Zillennials: The newest micro-generation has a name

There was a time when Juliana Olarte, a 26-year-old travel publicist living in New York City, couldn’t figure out where she fit in from a generational standpoint.

Her Generation Z sister, who is 16, sometimes calls Olarte “cheugy,” she said. Gen Z uses the term to refer to “millennial things that are kind of uncool or cringey,” according to Olarte.

“My sister sees me as a young millennial, and millennials see me as Gen Z,” she said.

The term millennial (also known as Generation Y) refers to anyone born between 1981 and 1996, and Gen Z refers to anyone born from 1997 through 2012, according to the Pew Research Center.

Along the blurry edge at the cusp of the two generations, between Gen Y and Z, is where zillennials live.

“When I first heard the term zillennial, in college, I was like, ‘That’s me,’” Olarte said.

Unfamiliar with the term? It’s a tiny group.

“Zillennials refer to a small cohort born between the early 1990s and the early 2000s,” said Deborah Carr, professor of sociology and director of the Center for Innovation in Social Science at Boston University. “They’re on the cusp of Gen Z and millennial, thus the mash-up label of zillennial.”

Members of this micro-generation, loosely defined as being in their early to mid-20s, have faced and overcome much adversity in their relatively short lives, Carr said via email.

“They were babies and children when 9/11 struck and don’t know life before airport security screenings, rampant domestic terrorism and other frightening threats,” she said. “They attended college during the pandemic, and missed out on important social markers.”

Zillennials were born roughly between 1992 and 2002, but there isn’t one consistent cutoff point that experts agree on, Carr said.

Ask a zillennial, though, and they might tell you who they are.

Olarte’s sister and other members of “Gen Z grew up with a phone in their hand and with social media — they didn’t miss a beat,” Olarte said. A decade earlier, “we had the iPod Touch to download music online and did YouTube-to-MP3 converters.”

HOW DOES TECH DEFINE THE CUTOFF FOR GEN Z?

The different ways generations grow up with and use technology is a strong delineator in defining generations.

Zillennials straddle the generations of millennials, who are considered digital pioneers, and Gen Z, who are considered digital natives who never knew life before screens.

“We’ve been growing up with technology our whole lives, but we’re not TikTok dancers like Gen Z but also weren’t on MySpace like millennials,” said Sabrina Grimaldi, 23. She launched Zillennial Zine, a mostly online site for her micro-generation, in 2021.

Grimaldi has a younger sibling who is Gen Z and an older one who’s a millennial. “My entire life, I’ve been told I’m a millennial or a new Gen Zer. I really do relate to both, but I also don’t at all,” she said.

Her website’s most popular articles have covered such topics as what to wear to Harry Styles and Taylor Swift concerts, “the best cozy Nintendo Switch games,” and recipes inspired by the Utah dirty soda trend on TikTok, which involves pouring creamer into soda, Grimaldi said.

Among the celebrities she considers part of her zillennial cohort are Zendaya and American singer-songwriter Sabrina Carpenter.

“We are kind of this weird, in-between ground nobody talks about that’s also young and figuring things out, at the beginning of our careers and discovering the world as an adult,” she said. “The most misunderstood thing about us is probably our existence.”

WHY LABEL GENERATIONS ANYWAY?

In addition to a shared relationship with technology, members of a generation or birth cohort often share critical life experiences, Carr said.

For the so-called greatest generation, that includes being called to serve during the Second World War, she said. For some baby boomers, having grown up together in the tumultuous 1960s is a commonality. Generation X came after the boomers, from the mid-1960s to 1980.

Gen Z attended high school during the pandemic and missed out on major youth milestones. For Americans, these might be prom and traditional graduations.

“Some generations reject the labels given to them by others, and some generations embrace the name if they feel it fits them and their values or differences,” said Jason Dorsey, a generations researcher and president of the Center for Generational Kinetics, a generational research firm.

“We find that zillennials often push away from the negative millennial headlines that they are trying to avoid or not replicate, such as the clickbait stories on acting entitled as adults or having overly high expectations,” he said via email, noting that zillennials also push away from teenagers and teen trends that feel too young.

Some millennials, too, shun the label they’ve been given because they believe it has a negative connotation and sells them short, Dorsey said.

“In fact, contrary to many popular memes of millennials not working, they are often the largest generation in a company’s workforce and frequently the largest generations of managers,” he said.

CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

While zillennials often feel they don’t fit in with either Gen Z or millennials, Dorsey said the middle zone they occupy has its own advantages.

“At our research centre, we’ve seen cuspers like zillennials often end up having an advantage because it tends to make them more aware of both generations before and after their own,” he said.

His firm’s research has shown Gen Z to be more connected to social causes than millennials, with zillennials similarly more interested than millennials when it comes to social issues.

People in Gen Z “care a lot about environmentalism, trying to reduce their carbon footprints and reduce their plastic waste.” Grimaldi said.

From a young age, zillennials have learned the effects of climate change, Carr said. “They are very mindful of the threats to the planet — yet also know they can play an important role in reducing their carbon footprint (Think, Greta Thunberg),” she said.

But the stereotypes society creates for generations are just stereotypes, Carr said.

“We need to remember that every generation of young people has their own struggles,” she said, “and that they’re coping the best they can with the world that past generations have created for them.”

Philip Cohen, a professor of sociology at the University of Maryland, calls generational labels meaningless.

“Marketers and fadfluencers will want to be the first to name a ‘generation’ or ‘microgeneration’ for clicks and followers,” Cohen wrote via email. “But it is meaningless to do so before we know what it is we’re studying and why.”

He added, “Social science does not pay much attention to the discourse over ‘generations’ because it is mostly superficial hype.”

Try telling that to a zillennial, however.

Grimaldi thinks it’s up to every generation to band together to support the next group of people growing up in society after it — all the better to help ensure a brighter future for all. And her generation, she said, is already on it.

“Every time a new generation pops up there’s this argument about who sucks and why they suck, and I think as zillennials we are trying to stop that as much as we can,” Grimaldi said. “We don’t have to hate on every new upcoming generation.

“We’re all collectively raising these new generations. Let’s focus on building a better future together.”

from CTV News - Atlantic https://ift.tt/q6I9WNU

[187days]

Day One Hundred Sixty-Three

Today was the scheduled remote learning day for the month: short classes for students, time to do non-instructional duties for teachers. One of those was writing a professional reflection, but it was nice out, so, first, Mrs. R, Mrs. S and I decided to have a “walking meeting” on the track to talk about what we planned to write. I decided I was going to be an overachiever, so mine’s a two-page essay complete with cited information (Mrs. Z actually replied “#overachiever” to the email I sent to share it with her, but it makes our department look good when I show off, so she approves). 

During “class time” my World students finished up the assignment on modern conflicts in Africa that they’d been working on in previous classes, my GOV students submitted essay rough drafts, and I dashed off emails to the parents of any students who are currently failing. 

Aaaaand then there was An Incident. Obviously, it happened off campus, but it’s going to impact life on campus. That’s about all I can say about it. Oof. 

I did my best to shake it off because I’d made lunch plans with Mr. N. Track season eats my life in the spring, so I’d been neglecting my role as a mentor. We got sandwiches from the local deli and sat outside in the sunshine to eat and chat about how things have been going lately, which turned into a chat about how we’re old and don’t understand the kids’ slang anymore. I had to explain “simping” and “white knighting” to him, he’s young enough to understand what “stanning” is but too young to know it’s an Eminem reference, we both had too look up “cheugy,” and we both think it’s funny that outfits are called “fits” like the full word is just too long.

After that, I edited and commented on my GOV students’ essays, then went to track practice. I was a few minutes late, but since two of the sprinters are in GOV, I told The Head Coach that, technically, I was still helping our athletes. He chuckled at that, and we got on with some 150m repeats. We ended with a nice, long cool down stretch on the high jump apron (during which I opined about Justin Bieber, to my athletes’ amusement, because his music was playing over the stadium speakers), and now we’re all off to enjoy the weekend!

[toadpaws]

the girls who make -whats going to be cheugy- videos on tiktok disgust me soo much. like literally its not some girl from the projects who couldnt afford anything in high school and is making fun of rich ppl, its always some chick who just got her apartment redone bc the style from last month to this month changed and she cant look un cool in front of her friends. isnt that the worst flex? to say that you have no personality and cant stand by your beliefs? to constantly betray your younger self to the masses, always denying what you liked so you can look like the detached cool girl? isnt that embarrassing for you? and its never cheugy with any kind of reason. -oh that so cheugy. thats literally going to be so cheugy- can you provide an actual coherent opinion on why you think that, or are you going to continue giggling and checking out your new lip fillers in the front facing camera? its not cute. and not only that but that but they will so easily trash expensive clothing that they bought with their parent money (but other girls had to work and save their own money or beg their parents for what they wanted so desperately) but when it comes down to it and you wear the -cheugy- lululemon leggings out to get coffee or whatever, your still signalling to everyone else -dont worry! i could afford these five years ago, i have money. i will fit in with you. im not one of those disgusting poors- fuck off! money is money, even if its current iteration is not cool rn.

[felicia-cat-hardy]

Gwyneth Paltrow Isn't Relatable & That's Perfect

About once a month or so, a Gwyneth Paltrow headline makes its rounds on Twitter. The story is something different every time. To my memory, the last few Gwynethisms have been (1) she ate bread during quarantine!, (2) there’s going to be a Goop cruise!, and (3) she’s selling an orgasm-scented candle. The subtext is always the same when these stories surface, namely: Can you believe just how Gwyneth Paltrow she is?

What does it mean to be Gwyneth Paltrow? Like pornography or being cheugy, it’s easier to identify than it is to describe. The idea of Gwyneth Paltrow is an amalgam of $13 turmeric juices and restrictive low-carb portion. The Goop Gift Guide is a late-capitalist night terror. It’s wellness as wealth, a designer accessory divorced from actual science, in which the only arbiter of success is how you feel. It’s good sex, unapologetic fake tanning, and obscenely expensive travel plans. Gwyneth Paltrow is a the human manifestation of white women saying “namaste” after a yoga class, well-meaning and all smiles. It’s no longer really that fresh or original to make fun of women who like crystals or eat kale, but Gwyneth Paltrow is so wealthy, so larger-than-life, so celebrity, so Goop, that jokes about her remain, like death and taxes, perennial. A constant quarterly Twitter punchline.

I love her.

What is with our obsession with making celebrities relatable? Celebrities are not relatable.

Truly and almost without irony (a-squirt-of-lemon-juice-in-a-quart-of-alkalized-water amount of irony), I adore Gwyneth Paltrow as a celebrity and an idea. To get the obvious out of the way, I am not a follower of any Goop ideology, nor could I even afford it if I wanted to be. I use Maybelline concealer and drink Keurig coffee. I’m sure Gwyneth would clutch a well-moisturized hand to her heart if she saw how inflexible my hamstrings are and discovered how often I forget to use sunscreen altogether. Gwyneth’s lifestyle is so wildly out of touch with the average American woman that even I, a coastal elite in the entertainment industry, find it laughably prohibitive. To that I say, “Good!”

What is with our obsession with making celebrities relatable? Celebrities are not relatable. They are people with incredibly symmetrical faces and more charisma than should fit in a human body who become accustomed to private jets and crowds of people shouting their name. They get free spa treatments and clothes and full squads of people designed to make them look like they were born without pores or cellulite. Us Weekly may have shown us that A-list celebrities are “just like us” because they also sometimes go to the grocery store, but then they bring those groceries back to multimillion dollar homes in Santa Barbara where a small army of agents and assistants are waiting to help them decide whether a franchise or prestige mini-series is the better move for their career in the long term.

Social media has lowered the gates between the Celebrities and the Normals, allowing us full access to their daily lives in a way we had previously only been able to see in tiny glimpses via late-night talk show anecdotes. “Likability” is a nebulous moving target. The line between relatable and pandering becomes very thin.

She is demonstrably not relatable, and I find it delightful that she doesn’t pretend to be.

The thing I think I like best about Gwyneth Paltrow is I’m fairly certain that her public persona is actually just who she is. She is out of touch, well-meaning, slightly obsessed with a nebulous idea of wellness that’s more about spending money and patting yourself on the back than following genuine medical advice. And why shouldn’t she be?!

Gwyneth Paltrow is the daughter of a famous movie star and a successful producer who spent her childhood flitting between continents and private schools. (A favorite sentence from her Wikipedia: “She is also conversant in French, as her family frequently traveled to the South of France throughout her childhood.”) She’s been a movie star since she was 19, and one of the most genetically blessed people this side of Santa Monica. She is demonstrably not relatable, and I find it delightful that she doesn’t pretend to be.

Gwyneth Paltrow probably does use candlesticks that cost as much as my rent! She probably eats salads that contain more foods I haven’t heard of than foods I have. That’s just who she is! We can’t ask her to be anything else; we could as easily ask the sea to remain on the shore.

Be out of touch! Be ridiculous! Be obscene. How much better than being boring.

My Goop fandom isn’t about Gwyneth being a great actor, which — I’m sorry, I know it’s annoying when the kids of famous people are actually good at things — she is. Just objectively, she’s a good actor! I don’t know what to tell you. Yes, I know Shakespeare in Love shouldn’t have won Best Picture, blah blah blah, but she’s really compelling in it! Go back and watch The Talented Mr. Ripley and try to convince me she’s not charm incarnate. Emma? A Delight. The Royal Tenenbaums? Instantly iconic. You don’t have to like it, but you know it’s true.

I love Gwyneth Paltrow because she never pretends to be anything other than incredibly wealthy, incredibly privileged, and completely out of touch. Celebrity is a mutually beneficial relationship: We give you the attention and validation you need and a route to extreme wealth, and in return you give us a window into the sun-kissed and the glamorous. Be out of touch! Be ridiculous! Be obscene. How much better than being boring.

Get Relationship Advice Here

[hoynovoy]

Gwyneth Paltrow Isn't Relatable & That's Perfect

About once a month or so, a Gwyneth Paltrow headline makes its rounds on Twitter. The story is something different every time. To my memory, the last few Gwynethisms have been (1) she ate bread during quarantine!, (2) there’s going to be a Goop cruise!, and (3) she’s selling an orgasm-scented candle. The subtext is always the same when these stories surface, namely: Can you believe just how Gwyneth Paltrow she is?

What does it mean to be Gwyneth Paltrow? Like pornography or being cheugy, it’s easier to identify than it is to describe. The idea of Gwyneth Paltrow is an amalgam of $13 turmeric juices and restrictive low-carb portion. The Goop Gift Guide is a late-capitalist night terror. It’s wellness as wealth, a designer accessory divorced from actual science, in which the only arbiter of success is how you feel. It’s good sex, unapologetic fake tanning, and obscenely expensive travel plans. Gwyneth Paltrow is a the human manifestation of white women saying “namaste” after a yoga class, well-meaning and all smiles. It’s no longer really that fresh or original to make fun of women who like crystals or eat kale, but Gwyneth Paltrow is so wealthy, so larger-than-life, so celebrity, so Goop, that jokes about her remain, like death and taxes, perennial. A constant quarterly Twitter punchline.

I love her.

What is with our obsession with making celebrities relatable? Celebrities are not relatable.

Truly and almost without irony (a-squirt-of-lemon-juice-in-a-quart-of-alkalized-water amount of irony), I adore Gwyneth Paltrow as a celebrity and an idea. To get the obvious out of the way, I am not a follower of any Goop ideology, nor could I even afford it if I wanted to be. I use Maybelline concealer and drink Keurig coffee. I’m sure Gwyneth would clutch a well-moisturized hand to her heart if she saw how inflexible my hamstrings are and discovered how often I forget to use sunscreen altogether. Gwyneth’s lifestyle is so wildly out of touch with the average American woman that even I, a coastal elite in the entertainment industry, find it laughably prohibitive. To that I say, “Good!”

What is with our obsession with making celebrities relatable? Celebrities are not relatable. They are people with incredibly symmetrical faces and more charisma than should fit in a human body who become accustomed to private jets and crowds of people shouting their name. They get free spa treatments and clothes and full squads of people designed to make them look like they were born without pores or cellulite. Us Weekly may have shown us that A-list celebrities are “just like us” because they also sometimes go to the grocery store, but then they bring those groceries back to multimillion dollar homes in Santa Barbara where a small army of agents and assistants are waiting to help them decide whether a franchise or prestige mini-series is the better move for their career in the long term.

Social media has lowered the gates between the Celebrities and the Normals, allowing us full access to their daily lives in a way we had previously only been able to see in tiny glimpses via late-night talk show anecdotes. “Likability” is a nebulous moving target. The line between relatable and pandering becomes very thin.

She is demonstrably not relatable, and I find it delightful that she doesn’t pretend to be.

The thing I think I like best about Gwyneth Paltrow is I’m fairly certain that her public persona is actually just who she is. She is out of touch, well-meaning, slightly obsessed with a nebulous idea of wellness that’s more about spending money and patting yourself on the back than following genuine medical advice. And why shouldn’t she be?!

Gwyneth Paltrow is the daughter of a famous movie star and a successful producer who spent her childhood flitting between continents and private schools. (A favorite sentence from her Wikipedia: “She is also conversant in French, as her family frequently traveled to the South of France throughout her childhood.”) She’s been a movie star since she was 19, and one of the most genetically blessed people this side of Santa Monica. She is demonstrably not relatable, and I find it delightful that she doesn’t pretend to be.

Gwyneth Paltrow probably does use candlesticks that cost as much as my rent! She probably eats salads that contain more foods I haven’t heard of than foods I have. That’s just who she is! We can’t ask her to be anything else; we could as easily ask the sea to remain on the shore.

Be out of touch! Be ridiculous! Be obscene. How much better than being boring.

My Goop fandom isn’t about Gwyneth being a great actor, which — I’m sorry, I know it’s annoying when the kids of famous people are actually good at things — she is. Just objectively, she’s a good actor! I don’t know what to tell you. Yes, I know Shakespeare in Love shouldn’t have won Best Picture, blah blah blah, but she’s really compelling in it! Go back and watch The Talented Mr. Ripley and try to convince me she’s not charm incarnate. Emma? A Delight. The Royal Tenenbaums? Instantly iconic. You don’t have to like it, but you know it’s true.

I love Gwyneth Paltrow because she never pretends to be anything other than incredibly wealthy, incredibly privileged, and completely out of touch. Celebrity is a mutually beneficial relationship: We give you the attention and validation you need and a route to extreme wealth, and in return you give us a window into the sun-kissed and the glamorous. Be out of touch! Be ridiculous! Be obscene. How much better than being boring.

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