#her extant responsibilities were a driving factor but now she's loose in the world without a tether

[vaultsixtynine]

i'm trying to think of what the fear underlying whatsherface's entire situation and i think it's like. a form of fear of not being capable (not necessarily not heing Seen as capable, she doesn't rly care abt most external opinions on her existence) but like. being unable to do what she wants or needs to do. hitting a wall that can't be climbed or circumnavigated. running out of options. she's extremely an earth sign except one who has not ever found the ability to rest easy with her own faults or shortcomings. the internalized sense of responsibility - real or not - makes her fixated on goals to deleterious degrees. she pays all debts. she keeps all promises. if she said she would do something and wasn't lying for a pre-existing goal (which - she's a very good liar!), she DOES it. she has been desensitized to the extreme abt violence to her person, to the generalized concept of death (not that she's totally chill with it and not that the wild animal in the heart of every human doesn't buck a little bit at the notion), and she is largely free of most smaller fears - never worries Too overmuch abt social interactions, etc. but the fear of failure - and in extension, the extreme gnawing guilt when things go sideways and every fiber of her being knows without a doubt that this was her responsibility and She Failed - is mmmmm.