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thewritingstar · 3 years ago

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The World Sucks

Pairing: Boomer, this is a solo fic for best boi (well maybe a little boomerxmike at the end ;)

Fandom: Powerpuff Girls

Notes: Snippet September #4!

okay so I wrote this from an ask but then when it saved, it disappeared so I had to re-write it so im sorry for losing the ask.

anyways the prompt was: boomer being done with his brothers, basically angsty boom. I changed it a little bit to incorapte the whole Jojo family so I hope you like it. (I legit couldn’t think of a title)

Tags: @seinlxlx (im sorry the ask got lost but I hope you enjoy this) @unvalley @cupcakesandnightmares (if you would like to be tagged pls lmk :)

He hated this city. Hated the shitty ass high school he was forced into and hated everything else in between. On the rare occasion where the blond would voice his opinion, he was met with a roll of the eyes and a “shut the fuck up” attitude from his brothers. And they wonder why he keeps to himself.

His brothers were fine. When they weren’t picking on him or being assholes, they were just standard boys who liked to blow shit up and never take responsibilities for their actions, not like Boomer was any better. But he did know when to shut the fuck up, something Brick would probably never know.

But when you were the golden boy to a genius chimp and literal demon, you really didn’t need to shut up. No, Brick could get away with anything because well, he was a villain who didn��t care for societies rules and only followed them during class time. Boomer would probably describe him as a narcissistic asshole who head is shoved so far up his own ass, he's surprised that his dad’s words even reach his clogged ears.

Brick got everything he wanted because of his leader boy status and Boomer was fine with that. Butch became the materialistic brat child who would be at daddy Mojo’s beck and call if it meant he got a brand new car or a hundred bucks to blow on weed and a new hook up of the week.

His older brothers, by measures he's not quite sure of, were the cream of the crop in the villain world. Blowing up shit and taking names, that's what the Jojo boys did best. At least the red and green duo.

As for Boomer, the rich lifestyle and temptation with objects to steal stuff and “take over the world” never worked on him. As a kid, sure a bag of candy could woo him for a few hours, but as time passes, he stopped caring for it all.

Maybe it was the fact that entering the school system meant that he witnessed what normal families looked like. Loving parents and siblings who actually got along started to look nice.

Maybe he wished that his dads would look at him and want to be proud of his decent grades and guitar playing. Instead, he was a creation not for love and joy, but for their own use. He was basically a minion who saw through the facade that his brothers bought into. Maybe he wished he bought into it too so that he wouldn’t feel this way.

So maybe his hatred of the world was created from jealously. Now he understands why robots shouldn’t get feelings. When your sole purpose is one thing, no wonder he felt like a disappointment.

The world sucked. His brothers sucked and he was sure that if they weren’t related, they probably wouldn’t even know each other. His parents sucked too. Everything sucked major balls and he hated it all. There was no good left in the world.

“Hey Boomer!”

The blond looked up from the journal he was scribbling in. His so called “counterpart” full of sugar and giggles came bouncing towards him with a bright smile.

“Oh, hey Bubbles.”

She looked at his journal and to him and offered a small smile. “It looks like its gonna rain.”

The sky did in fact looked darker than usual. “I guess so.”

“Well, we wanted to know if you wanna come to the movies with us?” She pointed over her shoulder to where her sisters and other friends stood. “Thats is if you could spare your bad boy reputation to hang with us?” She teased.

Boomer let out a small laugh before standing. “I think I can mange that.”

“Great!” Bubbles clapped her hands together and wrapped her hand around his arm. “Yeah know, I think Mike has a thing for you.” She winked at him and pulled him along.

“Bubbles, I will throw you into a building if you don’t keep your mouth shut.” He glared at her with the empty threat.

She smirk and made a motion of zipping her lips. “Hey look who I found!” She said as they approached the group.

“Sup Boomer.” Buttercup gave him a fist bump.

“Glad you can join us.” Blossom smiled. “I hope the new zombie film is alright with you.”

“Sounds good to me.” Boomer smiled and he felt himself relax a little bit.

“Hey Boomer, how's it going?”

Boomer turned to see Mike and he hoped that no one, well expect Bubbles, could tell that his heart picked up a bit.

“Uhh, good. Yeah going good.” He said awkwardly but the brunette laughed and Boomer swore he saw him wink.

“Make sure to save me a seat.” Mike said as he turned his attention back to Robin.

Boomer nodded and his eyes met with baby blue ones who gave him a knowing glance.

“Shut up.” He mouthed and she giggled.

So yeah, the world sucked and he might hate everything. But he had to admit that having friends mad it suck a little less.

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I hope you enjoyed :)

#ppg fic #boomer fic #boomer ppg #boomike #thewritingstar #snippetseptember

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crash-cinematic-universe · 4 years ago

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Abed Nadir and his need to count the seconds

pairing: abed nadir/troy barnes (it’s Light but I wrote it with the intent for trobed)

summary: Abed Nadir hates being alone in general, so when his friends disappear and leave him alone in a sea of job-seeking students he struggles to keep his head above water.

request: okay wait ur abed headcanons got me thinking. abed angst. kings gotta have abandonment issues cuz of his parents YES I'm projecting a little bit. u don't have to do this if it makes u too sad tho - @ghost-butch

warnings: abandonment issues, anxiety attacks, s/h (kinda; in the form of clenching ur fists too hard)

notes: writing abed angst makes me sad ): why did i do this to him he deserves better. also im about to punch evil abed in the face ):< just over 2k words with this one so thats Cool also its midnight and i have school tomorrow arent i epic and cool.

taglist: @simonsbluee

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Fifteen minutes and twenty-two seconds. Abed had been lost for fifteen minutes and twenty-two second. Abed’s eyes were trained on the clock hanging on the wall, each tick of the second hand amplified in his head to a piercing shout. Everything was bigger; the lights were blindingly bright and his clothes felt as if they were clawing at his skin. With each passing second Abed became increasingly worried, his breath getting shallower and shallower with each rise of his chest. His eyes returned to the clock on the wall, his stomach jumping at the reading-- sixteen minutes and fourteen seconds.

The study group had promised Abed they’d accompany him to the job fair. They promised they’d be by his side the entire time; Abed didn’t do well alone in large crowds, especially in new environments. He’d gotten distracted by an engineering booth in the corner with a large lego replica of the millennium falcon hanging in the corner. He looked away from his friends for no more than thirteen seconds, but in those thirteen seconds, they disappeared in the sea of students and booths and interns. Thus, leaving Abed completely alone in a mass of strangers in a building that he’d never seen before.

His anxiety had built up with every minute he was lost. It was gradual; he started with the initial panic, followed by frantic searching for familiar faces in the crowd. It wasn’t long after that when his heart rate began to pick up, and within minutes his skin felt as if it was on fire. Abed couldn’t really pinpoint exactly when he’d begun to shuffle backwards out of the large venue the job fair was held in. Before he knew it, he was at the end of a dimly lit hallway, completely alone. He slunk to the floor and pulled his knees to his chest.

They’ll look for me, he thought. They’re probably looking for me now. Abed reached into his pocket for his cellphone before he realized he’d left it with Troy. The emptiness of his pocket felt endless, his hand tingling where the fabric of his shorts met his skin. The familiar whine that Abed let out when he became overwhelmed filled the empty hallway, the tone only making his anxiety worse. He cursed himself for not thinking ahead-- he’d left all of his fidget toys and putty in his messenger bag which he also left with Troy.

It was then that a tiny voice in the back of his head spoke up-- maybe they left, it called. Abed shook his head, but the voice persisted. They left you. They’re gone, and no one is coming for you. A familiar figure materialized in the vast shadows at the other end of the hallway; Evil Abed smirked at him from where he stood.

“They’re gone,” He repeated. “They were waiting for something to draw you away for them so they could slip away,”

“That’s not true.” Abed’s fingers absentmindedly dug into his palm. “They wouldn’t do that-- Troy wouldn’t do that. Jeff and Britta, maybe, but not Troy. Not Annie.” Truthfully, Abed didn’t believe that Jeff or Britta would leave, but he wasn’t thinking clearly in the moment.

“Riddle me this, Abed, who does Troy respect more: you or Jeff? Who does he think is cooler? Who does he idolize more?” Evil Abed’s voice was smug and cruel. It felt as if his words were burrowing through his brain and fogging up his thoughts. “Sure, Troy might tolerate you, but he worships Jeff. If Jeff wanted to leave, then surely Britta and Annie would tag along. It’s inevitable that Troy would join them, isn’t it?” Abed shut his eyes tightly, but that didn’t do much to ward off his evil counterpart.

A film played behind Abed’s eyelids, the poetic irony of his worst fears being portrayed through his favorite thing making his heart ache. There they were: Jeff, Britta, Troy, Annie, all standing in a tight group as Abed wandered off. Their expressions and movements were exaggerated, but Abed didn’t care. He just sat and watched as the scene unfolded.

“God, I can’t believe he roped us into this,” Jeff groaned, his hands gripping his cellphone as if someone were going to take it from him. “What kind of loser can’t go to a damn fair by himself? I could have a hot redhead hanging on my arm at a sports bar and instead I’m babysitting a twenty-five-year-old.”

“C’mon Jeff, we’re here for Abed. God knows if he came here alone he’d probably drive everyone here crazy with his “Inspector Spacetime” BS.” Britta chimed in, a tired tone in her voice. Annie looked antsy as always, while Troy looked unsure. Abed wasn’t sure of what, exactly.

Slowly, Abed wandered a few feet away from the group. Jeff’s face lit up the same way it does when he sees an attractive student in the hallways. A borderline cartoon-ish grin grew on his face as he pulled the group tighter.

“Hey, Abed’s gone. Let’s take this window and get the hell out of here while the cat is distracted by the lazer,” He chuckled. Britta smiled and nodded, quickly grabbing Annie’s hand in an attempt to pull her out. The three of them made their way to the exit, leaving Troy alone. He turned around to glance at Abed before rolling his eyes and running after Jeff. Abed was alone.

The image faded away, and to Abed’s surprise, Evil Abed faded away with it. For a split second, Abed was disappointed. He really, really, really didn’t want to be alone-- even if his only companion was an evil version of himself. A minute passes before Abed realizes he was crying, that revelation followed by the realization that his fingernails dug into his palm so hard he broke the skin. His tears blurred his vision and made his surrounding seem much smaller, much darker, much lonelier. His eyes no longer portrayed a dim hallway. Instead, Abed saw the same tiny locker he was locked in so often as a teenager. He could smell the rusted metal of the locker hinges. He could feel the chipped paint rubbing against his skin. He couldn’t breathe. Abed couldn’t breathe-- the entire world was closing in on him. He was cold and alone and no one was coming for him. His friends left him and they weren’t coming back. Everyone who he cares about leaves him, why would they be any different? He watched the world pass by through the tiny slits in the door before his eyes screwed shut again as he choked on air.

He was in agony. His entire body shook and his heart pounded so hard he felt as if it were going to burst. Abed wanted to go home, he wanted to be back at Greendale with Troy and the rest of his friends but he was trapped. His arms began to cramp up from how hard he had tensed, his knuckles a pale white from how tightly he was clenching his fists. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t speak or sob or scream; he was stuck. Locked away. The outside world faded away as Abed retreated into his mind. He tried to hide away in his head forever until a janitor stumbled upon his frozen shell of a body tomorrow morning. There was an echoing sound, however, that kept drawing him from the abyss of his brain.

Footsteps. He could hear footsteps. Abed couldn’t tell whether or not they were real, but he could guess who’s footsteps they were. They were frantic and uneven-- they had the potential to be rhythmic, but the walker was urgent. Worried. The biggest identifying factor, though, was the quiet sound of plastic aglets on the tile floor; their shoes were untied. Abed smiled weakly as he recalled the fact that Troy almost never had his shoes tied. A glimmer of hope shone through the small slits in the locker door as the footsteps grew closer.

“Abed?” Troy’s voice cut through the silence in the hallway. He turned the corner and froze as his eyes landed on his friend. “Abed? God, there you are! You scared me half to death, and Jeff was already boring me to death with his lame lawyer stories, so now I’m only, like, a fourth away from death!”

Abed didn’t reply. He couldn’t-- he still didn’t know if Troy was real or just another image. He was still locked away, after all. Troy could tell something was wrong; Abed’s eyes had glazed over and he looked like he’d seen a ghost. Troy hurried over, his eyes frantically assessing the situation at hand. He saw the blood on Abed’s palms and his stomach lurched.

“Hey, Abed, are you alright?” Troy asked softly. “Did something happen?” Abed did not reply, instead releasing a small, high-pitched whine. Everything was foggy-- it was all too foggy for Abed to know whether or not he was simply envisioning this angel of a human.

“Alright, uh, I’m going to touch your wrist. Is that alright?” Abed hesitated before nodding ever-so-slightly.

Gently, Troy wrapped his hand around Abed’s wrist. The contact was startling, but not unwelcome. Abed was becoming more and more sure that this Troy was real. The tight locker melted away to reveal the same dark hallway; his anxiety was eased a bit,but he still couldn’t shake the feeling of dread that settled over him. He glanced at the clock once again-- he was alone for thirty-two minutes and forty-seven seconds in total.

“I’m sorry I lost you,” Troy spoke quietly. His voice was comforting and genuine, his face soft and kind. He didn’t match the Troy that Evil Abed created at all. “I know this place is overwhelming, I’m so sorry. We should’ve been more attentive and more careful, this place is like a maze.” Abed soon realized he was too tired to respond verbally, instead opting to hold Troy’s hand. A silent reassurance was exchanged through their intertwined fingers. Abed’s palms stung a bit, but he couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it. He was just so tired. His muscles were sore and his chest ached and his head pounded. He wanted to go home.

“Britta was practically running across the building looking for you, ya know,” Troy said. His hand was still holding Abed’s. “Annie started crying after 10 minutes, and for a second Jeff looked like he was going to cry, too. They were all so worried. I was worried, too. The thought of something bad happening to you was too much to handle.”

“I know you hate being alone, too. I guess you probably thought we ditched you or something. Jeff thought you ditched us, but I knew that wasn’t true. It doesn’t really matter, though, because I’m here now,” That final phrase echoed in Abed’s mind as he sat beside his friend. “I want you to know that I really care about you. I want-- I need you to know that I would never ever ditch you like that. Not in a million billion years, not even for a million dollars,”

They sat there for a few more minutes before Annie turned the corner and shouted, sprinting full speed towards the two men at the end of the hallway. Britta and Jeff followed closely after, a wave of relief washing over their faces. They all gushed about their worries and concerns. Annie was quick to tend to the small indents in Abed’s palm, and Jeff and Britta talked about how freaked they were when they realized Abed disappeared. Jeff mentioned stopping by every directing booth in the entire building to see if Abed had landed there-- he even grabbed a few pamphlets for him to flick through later. Finally, Abed gained the energy to stand up, and he walked down the hallway with his friends beside him and Troy’s fingers still laced with him.

On his way out, Abed glanced at the clock on the wall-- twenty-two minutes and twelve seconds. Abed had been surrounded by his wonderfully chaotic family for the past twenty-two minutes, and he’d never felt more secure.

#abed nadir #abed nadir x troy barnes #community #community tv #trobed #britta perry #jeff winger #annie edison #the greendale seven #abed nadir angst #troybed #s/h mention

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kendrixtermina · 4 years ago

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Now here's an all new theory for where the procrastination comes from

Like the uni councilors thought of like generic selfhate insecurity or like spineless ppl pleasing (nope an anime cured me of that when I was 13 - thst sounded more like what that ladys own problems might be), fear or failure & wanting to spite my father, eveb that getting ahead through "talent" was an unfair advantage bad tainted and evil, or that "talent" meant being beholden and controlled by others (definitely somewhat right - we worked on that, it helped, the second guy was defs much much more helpful & compatible cause he focussed a lot more on strategies than wannabe-maternal pep talks) but there was always something else there that wasnt getting touched

In tje end I dont think I have talent and in any case what really matters is attitude toward "living the examined life" for example whst you do. What you notice.

Now I did notice that things get harder to do precisely because I actually want them(whereas a lot of ppl get distracted from stuff because they dont really want it) - at the same time I can totally function or pick up new habits in day to day life its not like I have some "hardware problem" like, say, ADHD or the like.

Like of course its some emotional knot it couldnt be anything else but I feel they didnt identify what kind of knot? Certainly not that first lady. If im trying to get clarity and you give me reassuring pep talks you just freak me out more for the love of god tell me whats happening. Nothing worse when a Doctor says "it will be over soon" rather than explain the procedure

Fear of/ distraction from wanting itself never really occured to me thats not a common stereotypical fear that ppl talk about.

Let me get this straight I never thought I was better than anyone I knew very well that I'm not. I thought of both those things as ways not to get bullied, maybe get somewhere where I feel that im in the right place.

If I look back at really breaking experiences it was times I really really wanted something and then I couldnt do it or some outside party stepped on my fingers. That Tori Amos Music Video where she escapes from a psycho killer's trunk and then the passerby's dont help her? That was my most favorite music video in the world for years maybe still is.

Like I was told I could maybe skip third grade and I poured all my energy and passion and strenght into that everything I had to do well, make friends with the new class i was so highly motivated I aced all the exams I felt so happy & fulfilled just being in thst flow state all the time... i wanted this more than anything. Maybe it was the first time I really wanted something beyond vague dreams or base desires. But the homeroom teacher hated my guts and put the kibosh on that; Probably because I was unwittingly repeating some of the artogant classist shit my father spouts without realizing how hurtful it is. my parents thought it wasnt worth going to the higher ups for that but having to essentially redo 4th grade in a crap school in the different town we moved to was one of the worst times of my life. Also I didnt find out that the teacher had hated me/acted in a petty way until years after I thought I just failed. That there was a possible place I could have belonged but turns out I really belong nowhere after all.

All my effort was for nothing. It was such a joy - i mean these days even getting code to work or solving math problems has that same joy - but all that effort and joy and wanting did was that... im tearing up and searching for the words to even process this tbh. I think I denied that joy, told myself that I was just a stupud kid thinking I was a special snowflake. It didnt even matter.

Rather than insist on staying up late to make sure my homework was done I just stopped caring and hardly did another piece of homework in my life just faking it on the spot or coasting through. It could have gone another way maybe if it werent for the bullies and my father the chief bully or if only I was more determined but it was like "okay I dont care anymore I just dont care" and I think thats stayed my default response to dissapointment to this day.

This TV show didnt turn out like I wanted? I dont care its just a tv show.

My father treated be with hatred all my life? Its okay I dont care about him and I dont want his love anyway.

Like there were other times when I thought I could be happy.

Like I really wanted to go to this boarding school for gifted kids. Again I thought maybe incorrectly that this would be a place where I can belong and not be bullied it was never about being better than anyone.

Again I wanted it I clamored and cried and made noise nonstop. Maybe I still hadnt wholly lost contact with willpower back then. I still thought of myself as strong willed.

And my father made me regret it. It was around the same time that mom briefly considered divorce maybe I was just the stress valve. Or he took it personally as wanting to get away from him. Duh he abused me of course I wanted away from him. He was such a suffocating control freak! Mom said yes first then he spoke to her and suddenly she followed everything he said. Thats when I really realized how emotionally manipulative was how abusive... i mean one of my first conscious memories of him is thinking "oh crap I will be just like cinderella" but he really laid it on so thick so transparently even a 10 year old could tell its manipulation. If you do this you dont love your mom. If you do this you dont love your siblings. If you dont obey me your mom will kill herself. No she wont you jerk even my 2 year old self could tell youre abusive.

The most cruel thing he did was briefly say yes. Again I got so happy. So invested. Just bending all I was towards that even though he bombarded me with abuse and mental torture.

And then on the day we were supposed to leave he said no youre not going.

Maybe I actually did say I didnt want to go because of one time he was doing this constant scientology type torture on me

That same reaction: "I dont want it I dont want anything so please please let me be"

Ppl think of bad childhoods as a game that you win if yoz turn 18 -or 28 maybe - without killing yourself. But its not. Every year you live it can take away from your potential. Every day less than you have to live it

He sure didnt let me have sucess with his overcontrol and abuse. Anything I was proud of he rules. When I graduated from school with a fairly good but not perfevt final score he humiliated me. When I turned 18 he humiliated me. Everything I did was a burden even just feeding and washing me. Hed give me unwanted white elephant gifts then bitch about how giving them to me ruined his life cause he had to work so muxh "Ingrate Ingrate Ingrate" Butch I never asked for anything I want nothing!

But as I had to eat I did in fact have to ask things of him and I hated it so much.

No wonder that I turned out afraid of wanting things eh?

Hed seen some poster when we went to see tje school I wanted to go to - not by the school by an individual student - about the history of abortion portrayed in a positive way or at least that was his official reason why I couldnt go. Again I had wanted something badly with all my being and again all my being availed nothing. Irrelevant like I didnt exist. All my screaming gone unheard.

And this is so silly cause im not a child anymore I have control and if I were to stop procrastinating I could have money and gave even more control.

I havent even spoken to him in years now hes no longer relevant. Its not about him its about thus bad pattern I picked up.

I like how this books handles it with the idea that certain experiences dont create the type but that it nakes you uniquely suceotible to certain kinds of hurt or certain misunderstandings.

Because with all this discourse about bad message free media ive really come to think that while it can and should be minimized its not possible to eradicate cause human mibds are so quicl so fallible to extract overgeneralizations and make it mean something abput themselves

Like an immature statistical learning model easily overtrained by noisy data.

Another time I was nearly happy was when I started looking for work, doing my thesis...

Same pattern I was engaged, happy to be engaged talking to ppl at both work and in the uni work group loving it all so much...

my life had started to feel meaningful again. And it had gotten to that point in part because of my ex-fiance. Yes the councelling heloed taking up meditation helped, getting high on morning glory that one time helped a whole lot got more self esteem from that than I ever got from my father.

But that all started because of my ex fiance.

He was an i tellectual type and he had a sense of purpose about him like hes a legendary character and everyone around him became legendary too. And he found me useful! Others had called me "walking dictionary" with mockery and scorn he called me his google and it meant love and admiration. Maybe I got a bit of an ego trip off of tjat but I also really stupidly dumbtastically loved him I bragged of him to anyobe who listened everything he did seemed fascinating abd interesting and meaningful, but also I just loved the sweet gentle warmth of being next to him in the morning. Once again I was happy and everything was joyful even when it was hard, I felt strong and meaningful and useful and I let myself openly want things.

And then it all blew up. Worse yet i was so mistaken abozt him it really shook my confidence in my own judgement or any sense of clarity. I was si confused during the fucking breakup like I hadnt been since I left my father's house.

Google hah! More like his personal Alexa! It turns out he didnt respect or like me at all.

I couldnt even be sad or angry cause it was all my mistake. The one feeling I allowed - and even that took me weeks to identify - is dissapointment. Heavy leaden dissapointment i didnt even kniw that was a feeling you could feel so strongly. I didnt even do anything wrong you have to open yourself to have love. He could habe choosen to love me he just simply didnt. He probably thought he did but he wouldnt evebn do something as simple as not make fun of my voice or clean when I am sick.

Once he started putting me in the "wife" role he just became unable to see me. His loss really cause I think he wanted to keep me from all those annoying texts and email he had the nerve to write.

By all means I was right to trust but also right to leave later but still my sense of certainty and purpose and meaning was totally shaken. He did the sort of romantic stuff I didnt think was real. I knew I loved him when we had this conversation about water on mars. He got me the perfect books for my birthday! He said I was pretty and a genius and looked just like an actress. He got me this titanic esque heart pendant with stars. We were stuck at midnight in a train station that one time and he pulled out a picnic rug two plastic glasses and a shampain bottle. It never worked out but he said he might take me to see the LHC! I really thought we would be buried in the same hole folks!. He had read that same steven Hawkings book that I loved. One of the rather few books he actually read as I would find. Sigh.

And I fell right back into that same old pattern. Dont care about anything dont want anything it would be stuoid unrealistic and silly to want.

When I first came to uni I also had this feeling of hapiness and belongingness and wanting, I was putting in an effort, talking to ppl more.. and when things went wrong the slightest bit I pulled by hand back from that like from an open flame.

And here I am years later most the sucess or contact I get is comments on my fanfictions.

I thought I was doing that, or drawing, because its Stakes/Evaluation-free (going by the fear of failure theory) or because at least with the ffs gratification/payoff for effort is immediate compared to original stuff or uni work. Its a nice little niche at least.

I mean I do care about it its not "just" distraction but maybe ive been profaning it in that way... and so etimes I dont even do that and go for full unadulterated undebatable distraction; Line to 7 I guess. Tje only reason I spoke face to face to anyone else than the delivery guy this week is that I had some doctors appointments.

But not its distraction from stuff Im too lazy to do or even from pressure like I always thought. But from wanting things.

So the original fiction went great while it was a distraction from school not so much when its one of the things I most want and actually have the time to do it.

Even thought thats the most practiced skill I have that I never stopped working on since I was 10. 🤦‍♀️

I mean they already explained that its basically like meditation. Or weeds. Or popup ads. Youve got to click them away as they pop up.

I always told myself thst I didnt have to be happy... and thats not even untrue actually but it would sure be neat to be happy again one of these days.

#enneagram #enneagram type 5 #feelings #enneagram 5w4 #5w4

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lavellane · 5 years ago

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What does Nova do in new Vegas. Tell us 🔫

WHEEWWWWWW OKAY So. its a LOT fbfhdjdjdj enough for me to plan out an entire longfic for it!!!! but basically the - incredibly canon non-compliant - rundown of it is

nova blows up megaton. she goes from a good karma chara to evil karma chara Instantly bc of this (she's chaotic neutral as a rule and theres a lot of shady shit she does throughout the game that builds up to her doing this, like kinda a long process of her just. being unable to distinguish friend from foe and losing her empathy for anybody who isnt her and hers ykno. she has a lot of "justifications" but obviously in the end they mean very little lol)

she has to leave washington immediately bc she killed a bunch of bos soldiers as a result (i hc this is why she did it - she hates them and justified doing it bc a bunch of them were in megaton working on project purity stuff) and theyre Out To Get her.

she learnt thru doctor li prior to this that her mom was one of the great khans. so she basically has recently discovered she actually has a family shes never known. so she decides to head to the mojave to meet them, and also to start fresh ykno. she starts going by nova kane instead of nova parilla, bc kane was her mothers maiden name. Everyone thinks its stupid but. shes an attention seeker and she sticks with it FBFBFJDJDK

goes to mojave, meets benny. she has a pretty intense love/hate relationship w him except she doesnt actually love him so much as love that he lets her be as brutal and Bad as she wants, without judgement (shes spiralling with guilt at this point after megaton and just wants to act out and punish herself/the world to distract herself). also benny represents power to her and she wants power !!!

uses his connections/friends to lead her to the great khans. they embrace her and she stays w them for a while, mostly learning how to fight. she loves it and feels accepted and its good !

meanwhile benny nd her are on/off/on/off constantly, and shes eventually approached by mr house and is offered his power, resources, information, and residency in the lucky 38, in exchange for spying on the other houses and keeping them in line bc his securitrons can only get him so far and sometimes u need a more subtle approach. he does this bc obviously he knows who she is and what shes capable of and basically is using her. we stan.

so she basically goes crazy goes stupid with the power and is a bit all over the place w it. she has a few friends who leave the khans to kick it w her, and they start freeing slaves and fucking up legionairres. some of the freed slaves also decide to kick it with her. a couple months of this and soon she has :) a small militia of ppl who she doesnt regulate At all and its messy af !!!!

she becomes an actual considerable power in new vegas which is fine for house bc she essentially works for him and without him she doesnt have that much power bc, most of her friends and followers are with her bc of what house has given her yknow?)

for a while shes sort of living it up but.. after megaton shes finally starting to develop a little bit of self awareness abt who she is and. shes not rly happy. she doesnt like or trust or care about ANYBODY who isnt charon or butch, and butch at this point is very obviously pulling away from her. shes apathetic and doesnt care about almsot anything and that makes her incredibly dangerohs. charon is sick of her shit too but thats a whole other thing. anyway. she understands all of her connections and power is hanging by a thread and she also knows house has her on a leash essentially,, and it makes her very erratic and angry and Messy for new vegas. real unstable hours !!!

thats basically what she does for about 3 years until winston (my courier 6) comes into the fold and fucks up everything for her :))))))) but thats an even longer story DBFJFIFNFNF

#/ long post #oc: nova #IM NEVER GOING TO GET THIS FAR INTO THE FIC BUT WOULD BE SO COOL AND SEXY I SWEAR #this isnt even including the nova/charon dynamic........... hhh. i love nova so much #enough to absolutely Crush fallout lore with my bare hands

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obsessingmuch · 7 years ago

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hello and welcome to probably the most complicated dream post ive ever made here on obsessingmuch. i thought this needed archiving so. (originally typed for imessage tbh so if you have a hard time scrolling past just be glad you weren't the lucky recipient of this monstrosity via text message tbh). i had a dream that i was sexually assaulted lol also that a body double of mine was murdered so the earliest back i can remember was i was in a Currys PC World (electricals store) because id been told by someone (a friend/relative of mine who worked there) that they needed to know the average cost of a product at that store so the way to do that was log onto the stores computer and bring up all products, and then there’d be a button for totall cost to purchase all (lol) and then i could divide that by the number of products so i was on one of the store (staff) computers and trying to bring up all products. but there was no button to do it. so i asked this man who worked there and he was very dismissive of me and wouldn’t help. and i explained it was for his store manager (my friend/relative) but he still dismissed me, and then he started yelling for security to remove me. security didn’t come and he walked off to find them then ed sheeran and another man who was famous but icr who showed up. the other man who was famous was my friend and ed sheeran was borderline my friend but i was still trying to make him like me more so we could be BFFs he was in a black dressing gown and the other man was in a burgundy one they sat on armchairs next to the computer i was on and were asking me how long i was going to be and i was all *almost done* then theres a small part where I’m not sure what happened? the next thing i remember was myself and a couple of friends/colleagues of mine (i think we’d been at a business meeting) were leaving a restaurant and it was a restaurant where all the tables were booths, but booths in their own separate rooms. like train carriage compartments that seat 6 people with a slidey door so we left our booth/table/compartment and were walking down a narrow corridor back to the main part of the restaurant to leave then this creepy man passes up in the opposite direction and then turns 180 and starts following us and then ahead behind some double doors we see more bad people I’m at the back of the group the 2 or 3 people ahead of me go through the double doors first and get stabbed to death by the bad people i come through and theres this man with a knife and he’s just stabbed this friend of mine and she’s standing but bleeding from her abdomen. about to die. and he’s coming towards me and I’m all *oh please don’t stab me* and then he gets distracted and hands me over to this girl (also a bad guy) to deal with. she looks like harley quinn (and i think was actually part harley quinn) she palms me a concealed envelope and whispers to me an address to go to, and that i need to leave now quickly and quietly so I’m in shock and sort of blurring my way towards the door very confused. as i go out the main door someone else secretly passes me a carrier bag with some stuff in i also can’t really remember / didn’t hear properly the address harley gave me so I’m like shit and i got the impression if i don’t follow her instructions precisely I’m going to get murdered but i think the address was 33 something, and the road began with a letter M? and it reminded me of an address that somehow id seen a crime scene at before. but like a deja vu. like i was aware now that i was playing a role in a time travel version of an event id already witnessed from another perspective what id already witnessed previously, like a day or two before, was that this girl had murdered her roommate and BFF in their rented house on this fancy street. the girl who had done this murder belonged to a fancy famous rich family. and she’d killed her roommate (nobody knew why) and shed been crying on the porch outside her house (with her dead roommate still inside the room) and harley had shown up and comforted her. harley worked for some crime scene clean up team or something. and id seen this from both the street outside, like maybe i lived nearby or something? and also there had been photos of this girl and harley crying on the porch in the papers. with headlines all RICH GIRL MURDERS ROOMMATE - NOW DISTRAUGHT aaaaanyway so i figured harley had given me this address. so i head over to the address and go in. she’d told me to not be seen by anyone so i snuck in. and i looked at my bag of stuff. there were various things in it like two bottles of shampoo, and also a hoodie

the hoodie had this sort of design on? or the start of it? i think there even might have been some instructions in the bag saying i had to customise it and then some spray paint and things to stick on it maybe so i did that and then put the hoodie on also i think i customised my hair a little to be similar to that girls in the photos tbh. again, per instructions and then i think the dead body of the murdered BFF of the rich girl was also in the room? like in the corner on the floor all crumpled up and i looked at her and it became apparent to me that i was now dressed up as her. she was also all neon green emo girl with bright coloured hair but dead, obvs and then outside a car pulled up and it was harley with the fancy girl who had done this murder of her friend and they say on the porch and started crying/talking and this was the point i realised i was within a deja vu cos the press pulled up outside and started taking pictures of them and i was in this room in the dark but i could see them through the net curtains and i was very confused i could also hear their conversation (unlike the press) and it became apparent to me that the girl *hadnt* murdered her BFF, but that her BFF had been murdered by someone else and this girl had just come home and found the corpse which is why she was crying cos she was sad her friend was murdered but the police thought she did it and harley was all to her *dw hun it will get better I’m sure they’ll realise and find who really did it* and then wink winking at me through the net curtains and so i realised that harley presumed i was in here so i was slightly relieved cos at least this meant id found the right address it was night time by this point, or like evening. dark outside. and the fancy girl had fallen asleep on the porch. harley crept inside and i started asking her what was going on and she said that her team (the bad guys who had killed my friends/colleagues in the restaurant) and her were part of some corporation who needed money from this rich girls family. or needed to bring the family down. some something. the rich girls father was being exploited essentially i think and that they (harley/her team) had murdered the rich girls BFF to frame her in the media as a murderer so that her father would have to pay money to them (harley’s team) to sort out the mess caused by the murder/media scandal and so i was all *and where do i come into this? why am i now dressed up as the dead girl?* and harley was saying she felt sorry for my friends being murdered in the bar, that they didn’t need to die and i shouldn’t have to die either (apparently we were some loose ends from some other scam harleys team of bad guys had done earlier) and that she thought i could go off and live a new life as the dead girl. because the dead girl was never fully identified by the media/police so i could take up her identity in another state and nobody would think anything was amiss so i was like well you should have put clearer instructions in the envelope tbh i was very confused and i was asking what the shampoo was for and harley was like oh i was just being nice i thought some basic toiletries in your new life would be useful so then i was like right id better pack up my stuff back into the carrier bag and get out of her via the back door ASAP before sleeping fancy rich girl wakes up and finds out her BFF has risen from the dead i pack up all the hoodie customisation paints/sprays and all the other bits of shit id scattered throughout the room and i was about to leave and then fancy girl comes in all yawning after her nap and im like fuck so i decide to put on this very loud but lesbian persona cos i think thats probably the farthest from the dead girls persona was and then hopefully although I’m aesthetically very identical to the dead body of her friend on the floor next to me, she won’t realise that I’m deliberately trying to impersonate her and I’m pretending to be harleys friend and i almost want to say from high school but then I’m like lol no cos then harley and i would be expected to have lots of knowledge about each other. so I’m like oh harley and i met in a bar a couple of weeks ago we’re just hanging out and the girl is all oh cool!!! like totally unsurprised to find a stranger in her house. totally unphased that harley walked into her house without permission while she was sleeping. and apparently not noticing that i was dressed exactly like her murdered friend. and so I’m thinking id better get this girl out of the room before she looks at her dead friends body and and back up at me and realises I’m dressed like her so i tell her harley and i were thinking of going out to party does she want to come and she’s all yes she does (and she’s being very flirty with lesbian me tbh i think she likes me a lot and I’m like well at least this is better than her thinking I’m involved in the murder of her BFF?) and harley says she wants to stay behind and tidy up so me and fancy girl go to the party. which is also an awards show? and because i adopted this butch lesbian very loud bolshy persona i had to keep it up all evening which meant at the awards show (where everyone was in classic awards dresses very fancy black tie) and I’m there in this neon green and black hoodie with neon hair being loud and arrogant. very not good but we go up to the side of the stage. somehow we have a right to be there. and icr whether i was part of the production crew for the awards show or if fancy girl was, or if i was just pretending to be? but we are stage right and people are receiving awards and theres a row of stuffed toy lions at the front of the audience? and they’re all kinda alive in the magical way that stuffed toys sometimes are alive but nobody else really knows that except me and i start tapping the floor and one by one they pad over to me and then go with just in front of fancy girl in a little group she thinks its really cute that i can control these animals so i am #winning at my new undercover murder based lesbian romance then a puppet lion appears under my arm puppet lion is also magically alive and bopping alone to the music they’re playing as people are coming up to get awards and then puppet lion grabs my boob? like sideboob. very forcefully and I’m confused and then grabs it again a couple of seconds later and then i realise puppet lion is *not* magically alive but just a standard puppet and theres a dude stood behind me all dressed in black with his hand inside puppet lion

it was this specific puppet lion tbh and he keeps grabbing my boob and i tried to shove his hand away and then he’s getting more aggressive about it but i don’t want to cause a scene (1) because I’m side stage of a major televised awards show and (2) didn’t really want to upset my new gf of the night but he was persistent so i ended up turning around and walking away. fancy girl came with me she was like hooked onto my left arm. (puppet lion had been grabbing my right boob) and i was like to the man (who took off his all black outfit and was now in a business suit with a blue/white striped shirt. he looked like a douche)

this dude but douchier i started (loudly, maybe cos i was still being arrogant lesbian persona but also cos i wanted to embarrass him) telling him that it was inappropriate and asking him why he thought that was apparopriate we were having this conversation on the way across the foyer of the building and down a big wide marble staircase lots of people were watching and he was all blah blah its my right as a man and i was like lol no and then he said something like? icr exactly but it involved him saying that gay men were disgusting and he needed to make it clear to everyone that that was the case, and to do that he needed to be overtly heterosexual over women at every opportunity and so i was alike *so what you’re saying is that you assault women specifically to show everyone how homophobic you are?* and he was alike *thats correct* in the most gross arrogant way as he finished his way down the staircase and dashed off and everyone else watching was looking at him like he was gross so i was like good I’m glass i made me point and made him look like the idiot he is then again, going into the third and final part of the dream, I’m not quite sure how the transition happeend but essentially i was now outside a very old ruin. but still in the modern day. there were lots of men climbing on the ruin and leaping from bit to bit (very lara) and there was a big fall if they missed. like they would fall and die. i decided i needed to do this too and eventually saw a way up. but the way involved stepping on this very oily metal thing that when you stepped on it more oil spilled out and it was all rusty. and i was concerned about getting oil in my shoes and rush on my top (which was no longer the emo hoodie) i got down and then suddenly there was some sort of city wide disaster going on. like it had the air of a godzilla type movie. there was a big old building that i think was a museum and it was full of lots of children on a school trip. and somehow i had been appointed as city mayor and i was in charge of getting all of the children out, because some poison had been released into the museum that meant that after a certain amount of time everyone still in the museum would undergo some werewolf/zombie-esque transformation and kill everything in their sight also put into the museum was a minotaur who for the time being was acting just as a human and was actually a friend of mine? i think one of my colleagues/friends again, like from the restaurant earlier. but obvs not one of the ones who got murdered. maybe harleys group captured him and transformed him in the time where i was at the awards show idk. but he had a radio and was communicating with me telling me there wasn’t much time and that he was so so sorry etc etc cos essentially i was the target for the attack. the people who had released the poison wanted me dead so all the children were filing out of the museum cos id ordered it. and the entrance way of the museum had been set up like a big long dining table with lots of food all over it. and some of the children were stopping to eat the food and i was like noooooo keep walking keep leaving quickly quickly and they didn’t seem to get the urgency and i ended up having to create a separate group of children stood by the door for the greedy ones who wouldn’t quit eating cos they were holding up the line. and i was telling these kids when everyone else was out they would have 10 seconds to grab whatever food they wanted and then we’d leave so it got to that point, they were grabbing (and overstaying their 10 seconds) but eventually i got most of them out and then started shutting the doors. there were lot of doors cos the museum had a complicated entrance way and multiple little rooms all interconnecting near the main doors. i left and there were still a few children inside and a couple of teachers locked in and then the poison took over and the minotaur started transforming (i could hear it on the radio) and also some of the other things in the museum. like some wolves or dogs or something? idk. bad but then i think i woke up i told you it was complicated tbh

#dream

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autumnleaves--wintertrees · 7 years ago

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Made on June 20, 2017 12:09:09pm Posted: June 21st, 2017 11:45:06am

This makes me sad but more angry and confrontational towards the person who said it than anything, since it clearly depicts the boundless ignorance of people:

http://whisper.sh/whisper/0552694324fbea960222df16148b58f14ae7a3/Women-in-fact-can-NOT-do-everything-a-man-can-do-Thats-why-there-are-

I just checked the link to make sure it was still working and it no longer is. I’ll still keep the link up though. | The white text with black shadow outline is displayed over an image of a u.s. american flag and a soldier, and says: Women in fact can NOT do everything a man can do. That’s why there are not a lot of pastors, police officers, marines, and firefighters as women. Following the text is a picture of the ‘Okay’ hand sign, and the number 100 in red and underlined twice in red.

This shows stupidity too, as this person won’t even consider looking outside their own little bubble of a world for another answer to this ‘confusion’ that they are so sure they figured out. Congratulations! You were able to see that there are more male soldiers than female ones, but do you even know (or care) why? I'll use the united states as an example since the text of the above whisper app post is displayed over an image of the u.s. flag: female soldiers were not even allowed on the front lines until 2016; do you really think that is the only country to discriminate by gender for their military? Listing the amount of female soldiers as an example for the stupid notion that women are naturally weaker than men has as much structural integrity, clearly, as the way your mind works. You also say “women are not as good at certain things” in the first part, and then “that’s why there aren’t as many…”. If women were not as good as men then there wouldn’t be any women in these fields at all. I think what you are trying to say is that these women in these fields are trying, and failing; yet you are the one who has failed to construct a simple sentence. Something else is that it’s quite odd for you to list ‘pastors’. You don’t seem to know the vatican church refuses to allow a woman to become a pope, even the current pope who seems quite open-minded has said women should not be allowed to become priests, and some churches don’t allow female priests at all (Women are the ones who literally give and create life but that can get lost on someone with low intelligence. It’s the woman’s body doing all the work.) I thought it was embarrassing enough for you that you tried using soldiers as an example but pastors? Really? The soldier thing at least takes research but the vatican’s (and other churches) historically negative attitude towards women is such common knowledge, so this is another show of your poor mind. *later edit*It’s all part of sexism anyways; if you’re of adult age and have full-time access to books and the internet, and you socialize with people, talk with them, live your life, you’re really unaware of the inanity of both of these sexist things, as well as any impact either of them have on women. Therefore, all of it is actually a show of your poor mind.

Firstly, women, as a gender, as an entire population of people in the general sense, are raised from day one of birth to seek out softer, more nurturing and empathetic roles. This is an indisputable fact. Women are discouraged from taking on certain careers. Women are ridiculed for taking on certain careers. Whether these messages are intended to outright subdue a woman’s aspirations “Being a soldier is for men. Go be something like a nurse. Or a mother.” or not “You’ll have an easier time not being an engineer as a woman.”, they will have a negative effect as they build up and get worse. Secondly, for the most part, women’s male counterparts get all the attention for the more ‘hands-on’ things. For example- If a girl has a brother, growing up it will be her brother that is asked to mow the lawn or help fix the car. Someone will ask the male cousin or stepson to help with the fuse box, or fix a flat tire on the side of the road. Sometimes it isn’t that the parents refuse teaching their daughter these things, it is that the thought of teaching her these dirtier, messier, more physical things never enters their minds. It never occurs to parents to teach their daughter self-defence as she grows up vs. automatically pushing their son towards things like boxing, or contact sports like hockey. *No, this attitude of some parents and people is not because women ‘naturally’ fit certain roles and men ‘naturally’ fit others. If there were natural roles to fit, then we would not. Be having. This conversation. As a society. At all. There would be no debate or argument about it, there would be no ballerinas who are male, and there would be no car mechanics who are female. Debate the world over would however surround whether or not butch lesbians, soft gay boys, and trans people should be institutionalized and/or sentenced to prison and criminalized, and then put to death. I have certainly noticed a regularity among women, especially mothers, that thinks, “If I’m not going to take care of this, then it will not get done.” because we believe, “Who else is there to do it?” The men. The men will do it, send them in to clean the kitchen after a big family night while the women sit in the living room to talk and drink beer.

Please get this through your heads, especially parents: your daughters and nieces, stepdaughters, and sisters have a wealth of untapped potential (just as much potential as their male counterparts). Raise them from the ground up in realizing their potential they have with their own physical strength and minds so they can have and make their own choices. When you say you will raise your daughter as never depending on a man, mean it. When you say you will raise your son to respect women, make sure you don’t pass off anything but the message that women are people first and mean it (treating people based on their being people really isn’t hard).

There are women out there who side with the misogynistic man-child who posted the above image (yes, women besides traditional-thinking grandmothers), women who are willing to settle for the bare minimum and not fight. I am not speaking of women who would rather stay at home to care for their kids than have a career as one of the core messages of feminism is simply making sure girls know they have options, that they don’t have to be something based on their biology or misogynistic expectations. Choosing to be a housewife is great when it is, you know, your choice. I want all of the women who don’t support or are against basic rights for women to have options to know that unimaginative, passive, brainwashed, one-sided, apathetic, lackadaisical women like you are the main reason why for however many steps we take forward, we end up taking double that amount backward.

A fact that people don’t bring up much: As far as physical strength goes, women are not the ones that go down like a lamp with one swift kick to our genitals. A lot of tiny-minded males will be threatened by that last line.

#side two lapis lazuli #ignorance #stupidity #sexism #misogyny #chauvinism #gender #career #goals #food for thought #job #whisper #whisper phone app #whisper app

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aya-tsuji · 6 years ago

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10, 13, 21, 45 for whomstever you want to talk about the most :)c

you fool you've activated my trap card >:3€ ill now talk about all my tagged oc’slong post under read more

what deadly sin would est represent your oc?

maor/impales/dheli-lah/finilyawe and indrynathri all worship Azura so pride is the most logical answer lol but if we disregard that :

Maor: greed Impales: i don’t really know tbh? also sloth kindaFinilyawe: lust, envy and gluttonyIndrynathri: WRATHDheli-lah: also no idea reallly just pride i guess

what’s your oc’s gender/sexuality/race/species/etc?

Maor: cis khajiiti ace butch lesbian Impales: argonian transbian Finilyawe: NB bisexual altmerIndrynathri: cis bi dunmerDheli-lah: nb redguard lesbian

what personal problems/issues do they have? pet peeves

Maor: her biggest pet peeve is people not following orders etc or people not listening to her also people who eat loudly. She also has to cope with being alone at home. she used to travel the world with her wife dheli-lah and their adoptive son Ja’Aran but after her being abducted by molag and that bullshit the family got scattered and she started working for the AD. dheli-lah started working for the DC however. Ja’Aran and his boyfriend Katha took over Maor’s ship and crew. the family comes together sometimes tho and she loves that but when they’re gone she misses them immensely. thats also why she is so glad to be in the thieves guild bc it feels like a second family.

Impales: impales HATES it when people assume things about her.she can also be impatient and go into situations without thinking about it which is a problem she is trying to work on it

Finilyawe: she hates being ordered around which isn’t that good when working as a thalmor agent or having an incompetent manager she’s only using to get more famous. She hasn’t a drinking problem per se, but when she drinks, it most of the times ends with her passed out somewhere in a park akwardly half hanging on a bench with her pissed off brother next to her keeping her safe.

Indrynathri: also hates being ordered around. she gets angered quickly and like impales gets often involved in things without really thinking

Dheli-lah: pet peeve is people not getting what it means to be a Wyress, even after explaining it time after time. Like Maor, she has issues with being alone, away from her old friends, coven and family.

If yr oc was given a slice of pinapple pizza and HAD to eat it, or something baad would happen, how would they react? do they even like pinapple pizza?

Maor: she’s neutral on it so shell just eat it. however the one who was threatening her would have to sleep with an eye open bc Maor doesn’t take threats kindly

impales: she wouldn’t even hear the threat she just gobbles it up

finilyawe: she’ll eat it but will complain and moan abt it. she will write a song abt the ordeal

indrynathri: the minute you start making the threat she will already overpowered you and will interregate you if you have accomplices. you die after that. you died over pizza.

Dheli-lah: she has the power of the sun in her hands and she’s a powerful which. you don’t dare threaten her. however you’re lucky bc she likes it.

#maor ro'aran #Impales-many-masters #Dheli-lah #Indrynathri #Finilyawe #vyrthur

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ja-khajay · 8 years ago

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I'm kind of a new follower so can u post a short list of them n some details? sorry I'm on mobile so I cant check to see if u have an Oc page

i actually don’t…rip me… heres a Long list

TES OCS :Ma'Jahrann, enthusiastic and bubbly khajiit youth, walks the world on her tiny little legs out of curiosity. Clever little shit like what the khajiit are the best at, but always positive! She will end up a great diplomat one day, working in the highest spheres fo the empire! Until she grows too old for that shit and starts a pirate empire with a monkey wife? But that’s for another story…

Ishma, of full name Tanishmaël, a dad-aged bosmer hermit who would have stayed alone in his remote woods if he hadn’t met a young and lost Jahrann, after rescuing her from a bandit raid. He’s a nasty little man who loves to party and hunt, agrees with Jahrann that hoarding the crowd’s attention rules, would make dick jokes every two minutes if he wasn’t mute. He is covered in tattoos, most of them that he made himself, almost all but one of a great bird of prey with spread wings on his back - he sometimes dissapears into the wilderness on moonlit nights to return covered in scars and blood, he never speaks about it, nor about the tribe he was born in and had to leave

Elaahni, Jahrann’s mother, northern elsweyri dancer of great beauty. She embodies the pride and fierceness of northern khajiit tribes, but so gracious! She knows all about the starts and the gods. She holds a million secrets. Other call is gossip but she knows best how to use them.

Qa'Husar, Jahrann’s father, a gigantic soft khajiit man with a booming laugh, gave Jahrann his zest for life and energy. He loves his family deeply and will gush about them for hours. Dockworker, then owner of a trading post in the borders of the Topal Bay, where he lives with him family

Zan'sien, Jahrann’s older bro. Monk of Mara, loves martial arts, good heart but doesn’t talk much. As fierce as the northerners. He protects the caravn of Elaahni’s sister and I shall stop the family tree here it could go on for ages

Do'Mladkam : former slave born in a Dres plantation in Black Marsh. Alfiq-raht gifted with the art of speech, which he hides. He is extremely strong and used to work as pit fighter to earn a living. He then left the province with his little brother to go live in Senchal, were he takes the lead of one of the cities’ biggest gangs. Cunning, ruthless, his goal is to find and murder the man that owned his mother - and everyone who tries to stop him doing so. The only oc i have on the “evil” side of the alignment chart. (note : his name comes from the dunmeri Molad Kham, “fighting [fang], his old nickname. nobody knows his birth name)

S'regey (from ta'agra zregey, "burnt”) : Do'Mladkam’s younger brother. Ohmes, tall, mistaken for an Altmer by most. He was raised by his brother only, who taught him how to read and write, later on teaching him magic. After being caught stealing books, he was punished by the dunmer and had half of his face burnt as punishement - thus his name. A destruction mage expert, excellent liar, acts as right hand to his brother. Not quite evil. His brother’s plans will fail and kill him, and S'regey will run away to Hammerfell with his companion.

Rezad , my canon vestige! Khajiit poet and dockworker, killed during the ritual. A peace loving, airheaded stereotype of the tumblr artsy gay. He wishes for the war to stop. When it’ll be over, he’ll start a shop and sell instruments he’ll craft. Rezad wants to be a woodworker and hope music will repair broken souls. And one day, he will sail to another continent on a ship with golden sails. Rezad loves the sea, sings to her, and never wants to leave the sound of her waves

Rakkan, my canon Nerevarine : you see garfield? Well he is now a wooping three meters tall and extremely angry and spitefull. Gigantic tiger man. Old grouch. Was arrested for resisting arrest for petty crimes, but it turned out the angry thug may have made a hole in the wall using imperial soldiers and thats mean he’s better in a rock hole with metal bars i guess…….. has terrible impulse control. After getting plucked out of his cell for a bullshit elf prophecy in a bullshit elf land, he decides to flip off God and proceeds to do a terrible job as incarnate just to spite Azura (because he can). But things happen, Nerevar’s memories take over him and he has to kill Dagoth Ur, only being he recon considered him a friend - then takes down the Almsivi for treason and fucks off to Akavir. Not evil. Just had a shit life with a short temper.

Nad, canon dovahkiin (* not a tes oc actually ill come back to that later) : big orc gal with a sweet heart, herbalist, loves children and animals, genuinely wants to help saving the world, she’s buff green and a bit naive, not the brightest but so soft and good did I tell u i love her,;,;,,,,,,, Former Telvanni slave, used for experiments, she broke out and now she’s strong and beastlike. She will end up finding a beautiful nord wife and adopting many kids and dogs in a small house by a waterfall and be happy

NON TES OCS are they even any

(*) Nadalia, the Original Nad™! From the universe of an obscure manga called Tegami Bachi. Former scientific experiment gone wrong, rogue monster lady that walks from town to town to find small jobs to earn a living. I won’t tell more because it’s linkd to the series lore that takes hours to explain

Anhzi : little grandma butch lesbian, hunter from a hunter’s tribe. Of a few words, strong and wise, a Mom if I ever saw one. She’s always on an epic quest. Uses a giant spear. Lawfully lawful good. Loves her wife Tilao with all her heart.

C.K. : another lesbian mom but this time its like those lesbian country farmers from that meme a few months ago. Instead of rural USA, she drives her (primitive!) sky bkue jeep in forests of giant trees that took over human civilization. She’s always joking and would spend her life mimicking indiana jones, if indiana jones movies had survived in the distant future she lives in. Excellent pilot, here for the laugh, loves the thrill of the risk. My first novel character! I wqs 10 :D

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megatraven · 3 years ago

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who’s your favourite LI from each series you’ve read? :o and why?

*claps hands together* ALRIGHT!!!! (warning: as i typed i grew more and more long-winded and i dont apologize for it but u should kno)

alright obviously i have to start off with Astoria, of which Alex is my favorite LI! I'm not gonna go into why because *gestures to entire blog* and i've made multiple posts about it

from Immortal Heart Society, it's definitely Emilio thus far. admittedly i havent tried reading the other two, but I like emilio a lot! he's really grumpy and weary it seems, but i find the grumpiness charming and the weariness feels like it's there to be driven away by mmc's fresh approach and excitability. he's fun so far!

from My Siren Crush, I gotta say it's Maxime so far!! he and Arianna only have 6 episodes each so it's hard to say, but i LOVE his personality and how sweet he is. I really like that he's shy and that he does a lot of different kinds of art, and how gentlemanly he is!

from Ever After Academy, it's definitely Arin!! Sure they've only got one season so far, but they were my favorite character almost right off the bat, before we even knew they'd be getting a route! I love how much they care about the people around them and ho they do their best to do the right thing, how they take on so many responsibilities and are willing to do so again and again, if that's what it takes to get a happy ending for everyone. they're so funny, too, and i just really am a slut for the dynamic they have with fmc, the HISTORY....... incredible

from Tales of the Wild, it's Bram!!!!!!!! my sweet bear boy, he's so kind and gentle and strong and Stubborn af..... i really really love bears so i knew i was a goner the instant we were able to vote for him to be a new LI. his route is really interesting so far, too, what with MC being a dinae whose animal form was stolen! he cares so much about her and just wants to keep her safe, to the point he makes a Very Important Oath to her... like......... he cares her....... its so sweet..

from Reigning Passions it's gotta be Xenia!!! :D i admit i have a Slight obsession with spider-people, and the moment I saw her i knew that I was gonna love her to death. when she got a route i was so overjoyed! she's just. so genuine in everything that she does, she does her best to truly do what's right and what's good for the kingdom, and for mc. she's incredibly smart and resourceful, her magic is SO COOL, and she's just really really gorgeous. i like her dry sense of humor and her blushing sprite...... i love that she slowly gives her trust to mc, and confides to her about personal matters such as her late husband, and how she clearly still loves him even whilst loving mc. she feels like such a unique character, i really just adore her <3

from Sin With Me, i've gotta say my favorite atm is Onyx! I love all the routes, but DAMN onyx's really went all out with making her a fucking DRAGON?!??!?!?!? queen shit. she was also a really unique route in that she dealt with a lot of trauma from past abuse and had to learn to open up about it and accept that what happened t her wasn't right, and that she wasn't a failure for it. it had such a strong found family feeling, even compared to the other routes. everyone just wanted her to be happy. they accepted mc into their ranks quickly because she made onyx happy, and that's all the troupe wanted. and she is so pretty and funny..... she's so CUTE...... and i think it's one f the few cases where the LI is shorter than the MC?? idk she's just. so badass, and i loved her route to pieces!!!

from Sweet Enchantments my favorite is Lucien! (with a shoutout to emeril for close second)! the character growth he undergoes in his route is just ASTOUNDING, it's written and paced so well, i can't help but love it and him!!! also one of my favorite colors is turquise and thats His Color(tm) so im a hoe for that. i just. really my big thing with him is that he grows and flourishes into such an incredible character, so sweet and humble. he's also a very very funny LI (imo), and i love seeing him interact with all the other sweets characters! his cgs are the most gorgeous things...... there's a scene where he takes mc into the human world, to a cafe so she can call her parents, and it's so sweet. there's another where he takes her out and plays soccer with her. he just cares so much about her and her wellbeing, and even when he gets afraid that she'll leave him (when she's feeling homesick especially), he talks it out with her and learns to move past those feelings. he promises himself to her before he's even out of Sweets, and i just.......... it's so romantic and precious ;O; <3

from Havenfall it's always gonna be Mackenzie!!!!!! she was my VERY FIRST lovestruck route so she is always going to have a very special place in my heart. plus i mean. LOOK AT HER. her cute face and her CUTE WOLF EARS <333 she's so cool and nerdy!!! she's so STRONG!!! her protective streak is so charming and endearing..... the way that she forgives annabelle and damien and accepts them into her little supernatural family is really precious <3 she's so strong and that strength comes not only from her, but from her bonds with everyone else, and it's...... magical. it really stole my heart and sold me on lovestruck!!

from Love & Legends my favorite (so far) is Alain! I've only read three full routes so far, but Alain is incredible despite the shortness of his route. afaik it's the only route where the mc actually has magic (which i like), and they're ACTUALLY childhood friends to lovers in that mc is a reincarnation across time and space of his childhood friend. he's so cool and sweet, he would do absolutely anything for her because he loves her so so much. which is definitely one of his faults and what led him to being one of the Witch Queen's generals, but when mc came around......... you could tell he was so broken hearted by everything, but that he couldn't bear to not love her, even when it made him bad. and you can see that love again, when mc is selfish, and he leaves her out of anger in chicago. he keeps an eye on her despite his anger and his hurt, because his love is that strong. at some point, this one god speaks and says that alain's route is the only one of his lifetimes that doesn't end in tragedy, where he gets to be happy. i lvoe that trope so much even though it hurts so much. in the other two routes i've finished, he can't leave the witch queen's side, because she's that friend he knew, who he's loved for so long. in his own route, he's only able to leave the witch queen because he finds mc- a glance into what the witch queen could have been. who she should have been. someone kind and strong, who would love him, too. i dunno. his route is just really amazing and so is he :)

in Starship Promise......... it's a hard choice, but i have to say Nav ;O;; whenever i think of nav i think of that one fucking scene........ the one that broke my heart and made me cry for like Days. Stop him. Stop him. Stop him. gods, that was an incredible scene, i don't think i'll ever get over how powerful it was. not to mention... SALAD BOY!!!!! nav is Also a very funny character. he's a secret sadboy who tries to hide it with his charm and good looks, which, A for effort bud. he ends up being unable to leave mc behind, because- even though it scares him- he's fallen for her. his story is really incredible, he's an amazing character and it was wonderful to see him get the justice he deserved.

for Villainous Nights, i'll have to say my favorite LI is Lorelei! :D i'd say renzei and juliette are super close seconds tho. but Lorelei!!!!!!!!! I think she was one of the first routes I read following mackenzie, and she was definitely the first I read from villainous nights! i loved how strong and silent she was, and how much she loves coffee, and how she can make the earth quake. i always loved how hard she tries, how much effort she puts into being in control of herself, how much she does to try making things right. she did bad things in the past, blinded by optimus' promise to do good. and when she realized it, she couldn't stay with them. she turned her back on them and did her damned best to make up for all the hurt she caused. she loves the earth and its people and its nature, and she wants to keep it all safe. she had a broken heart, but with mc by her side, she's finally able to heal and find closure that she couldn't get before, on her own. not to say every LI isn't unique, but lorelei's is another route that just really stood out from the others. her panic attacks, the way she goes mute when she's overwhelmed, how the earth trembles when she gets angry or afraid and how she tries to push her emotions down to stop it........ i havent any of that- especially her muteness- in any other LI in the app. (not that ive read every story yet). lorelei is really incredible and i love her lots my butch wife ;O;

for Queen of Thieves, it's DEFINITELY Nikolai! first and foremost he's demi!!!!!!!! which i was so excited to find out about!!!!!!!!!! that made me instantly love him, and i think that ended up being the reason why i finally started reading QOT at all. i'll take all the a-spec rep i can get, thanks. aside from that, his route is just..... incredibly well-written. everything about it feels like it has this quiet intensity, which matches him perfectly. his self-sacrificing bullshit..... his truly tragic backstory........ how he came to make the poppy........ ho much he loves his little family, how much he loves mc, how much he loves ELIZABETH......... there's nothing abut nikolai that i dont love. he's so smart, but so fucking stupid sometimes, it's the best. he's the best. that first night, in his last season i believe, when he didn't have a nightmare for the very first time ever........... i don't know if i have ever been so happy for a fictional character before. i was so overjoyed for him. he's an incredible character and so, so interesting and multi-faceted, i can't imagine anyone else taking place for my #1 qot character :^)

and last but not least.... Gangsters in Love! My favorite here...... changes a lot, i'm not even gonna lie. it's ALWAYS constantly changing between chance, rory, and ash. like. i just can't pick one. so i wont go into as much detail here as the other paragraphs, but chance is just so FUNNY and dumb like yeah he's a badass ganglord wh orides a motorcycle but also he wears a shirt with a stupid little frog on it i LOVE him. i love how much he loves his gang, how much he loves mc. and ash... who WOULDNT love ash? he's such a sweetie and his smiling sprite makes my heart stumble and he's a dog person???? dream man. he's so silly and cute, he does his best to protect the gang and find justice for his sister, it's so admirable ;o;; and RORY!!!! rory is so badass and cool, she's wicked smart and kinda reckless but in the most charming way. i always really appreciated that her route touched on her alcoholism and showed her growing past it. i loved her character growth in general, and i ESPECIALLY loved how she acted towards stella and how she grew to love her.

that's..... that's it, i think!!!! :0c thanks so much for asking!!!!

#meg speaks #lovestruck voltage #lovestruck

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