#her because she's like trying to prove a point about herself. will explain this when im less tired and suicidal so.

[verekatt]

Danny Al Ghul... but differently

Instead of the classic Demon Twins, what if Maddie Fenton was an Al Ghul? Talia's older sister, maybe.

She's trained in martial arts, which could come from the League. She has pretty loose morals, dedicating her cause (science) above anything else. And her work is focused around the scientific study of ectoplasm (or Lazarus Water).

In this AU, I imagine Maddie was exiled from the League for trying to study Lazarus Water. Ra's views the water as holy (I love the idea he made a magical deal to get it), and so the idea of using it for anything but its intended purpose is sacrilegious. She's cast out, but on her way she steals some samples, which is the basis for the Fenton's research before the portal is opened.

She used the word ectoplasm to disguise what she's really researching to hide from Ra's, because he would definitely kill her if he realised she continued her research after leaving. She connects ghosts to ectoplasm because she's heard stories about Pit Demons. This is also where the assumption that ghosts are non-sentient and harmful comes from; Pit Demons are fueled only by Pit Rage. (In reality, Lazarus Pits are just corrupted and diseased, and the ghosts coming through are only mindless for as long as it takes them to overcome the illness.)

She never dates Vlad because he's too much like Ra's, with his pride and wealth and schemes. Instead, she marries Jack, a man smart enough to be useful and devoted enough to follow her lead unquestioningly. She mimics Jack's mannerisms, mirrors his own affection back to him, and learns to fit in by attaching herself to him. She learns the value of being underestimated, of being dismissed as the town kooks.

When Danny is revealed as a halfa, she uses these assumptions. She tells him she needs time to think and adjust, and she gears up to catch him. She loves him, sure, but the scientific opportunity she's been given is too valuable to give up for sentiment's sake. Jack's more apprehensive, but she's been manipulating him for decades, and she tells him Phantom killed their son. Jack is enraged, and now on board to catch Danny. They succeed, and every time Danny screams and begs and Jack wavers, Maddie talks him back into it.

Eventually though, Danny gets through to Jack. The Fentons heard about a ghost attack in town, and Maddie left to hunt, leaving Jack alone with Danny. They talk, and Jack finally realises he's in the wrong. He releases Danny and tells him to run, knowing he can't, physically or emotionally, stop Maddie. Danny runs, and ends up homeless and injured in Gotham.

Jack, meanwhile, goes to Sam, Tucker and Jazz, to explain, apologise, and figure out how to help Danny and make amends. They're angry and suspicious at first, but eventually agree to work together, for Danny's sake. Jack is learning a lot about what ghosts are really like, and it's blowing his mind how wrong he was about them.

Danny, meanwhile, gets noticed by the Bats, and they see his Al Ghul resemblance. With his black hair and blue eyes, they assume he's another blood son of Bruce's, and scramble to catch/adopt him. This is largely unsuccessful, because the Bats are government affiliated, the Waynes are rich fruitloops, and Danny is very good at not getting caught. They're also busy trying to figure out if he's a threat, and trying to get a DNA sample to prove their assumptions. They track down his hideout just in time to see Maddie recapture him, and they realise Danny was never the LoA assassin threat they were worried about, Maddie is.

Before they get enough information to launch a rescue mission, they get flagged down by Jack, Jazz, Sam and Tucker. The Amity Parker's information on ghosts and ghost tech is invaluable, and when they point out the Anti-Ecto Acts, the Bats riot (internally). The rescue goes ahead flawlessly thanks to their combined knowledge.

Now, however, there's the issue of Danny's custody. Regardless of guilt, Jack had a hand in his torture, and might face jail time for it. Danny might like the Bats a bit more now, but his trust issues won't let him move in with strangers. The Waynes are even worse, his billionaire trauma removes them as an option, especially with how they were stalking him before. Maybe he gets an apartment with Jazz? But I can't imagine the Bats being ok with leaving two traumatised teenagers alone after all that, especially while they're still working on getting the Anti-Ecto Acts removed.

Regardless of where Danny ends up, he's going to get stalked by the Bats. It's their love language. Regardless of good intentions, Danny is not feeling the love. He's feeling very cornered and threatened. He knows they've seen he's not human, and now they're intruding on his half-life, waiting for him to become a threat so they can take him down. Danny tells his friends and family, and together, they run.

This could go a few ways from here. Maybe they bounce from city to city, dodging heroes who heard about the family from the Bats and are just trying to help. Maybe they get caught by the GIW in a final push as the laws are being overturned. Maybe they run to the Infinite Realms, and are only found again years later when Danny summoned as the High King of the Dead. Or all of these could happen.

[writeriguess]

Reader has a solar-powered quirk, and is weakened by rain or bad weather. Trying to push past that weakness, she trains in the pouring rain, only to push herself to collapsing, running out of energy. Katsuki finds her, thinking the worst-and takes reader to recovery girl. She explains her reason behind pushing herself and some feelings are confessed. Maybe title it Little Miss Sunshine?

Little Miss Sunshine

The rain is relentless, a constant, drumming assault against your skin as you push yourself through another round of drills. Your limbs feel heavier with each passing second, every movement sluggish, like you’re fighting against an invisible force pressing down on you. You know it’s reckless to train in weather like this—your quirk thrives on sunlight, and without it, your strength dwindles to nothing. But that’s exactly why you’re here.

Because if you ever want to stand on the same battlefield as everyone else, you need to be strong—even when the sun isn’t shining.

You grit your teeth, throwing another punch. It’s weak. Useless. You try to pivot, but your legs tremble under you. Another step. Another breath. Another—

The world tilts violently. Your body gives out, hitting the drenched pavement with a dull thud.

You hear a voice before you see him.

“The hell do you think you’re doing, dumbass?!”

You blink blearily, rainwater stinging your eyes. Katsuki stands over you, drenched to the bone, crimson eyes wild with something between fury and panic. His hands are clenched into tight fists, tiny explosions crackling between his fingers. You can’t tell if it’s from anger or the sheer force of his emotions.

You try to push yourself up. Your arms don’t cooperate.

His expression darkens, and before you can protest, he’s crouching down and grabbing you, hauling you into his arms as if you weigh nothing.

“Wait—Katsuki��”

“Shut up,” he snaps, voice strained. “Just shut the hell up.”

Your head lolls against his shoulder. He’s warm. Unfairly warm. Your eyelids flutter, but you force them open, staring at the side of his face. There’s something tight about his expression, his jaw locked in a way that makes your chest ache.

“I’m fine,” you mutter weakly.

His hold tightens. “No, you’re not.”

—

By the time you regain full awareness, you’re in Recovery Girl’s office, wrapped in a thick, scratchy blanket. The rain is still audible outside, but here, the air is warm. Safe. Katsuki stands a few feet away, arms crossed, looking about two seconds away from blowing something up.

Recovery Girl clicks her tongue. “You’re lucky Bakugo found you when he did. If you’d stayed out there much longer, you could’ve gone into shock.”

You wince, guilt curling in your stomach. “I just wanted to get stronger.”

Katsuki’s head snaps toward you. “By nearly killing yourself?” His voice is sharp, but underneath it, there’s something else. Something raw.

You swallow hard. “I—” You inhale deeply. “I know my quirk has a huge weakness. If I can’t fight when the weather’s bad, what’s the point? I don’t want to be a liability. I don’t want to hold anyone back.”

His expression twists. His hands clench. When he finally speaks, his voice is quieter. Rougher.

“You think that’s what we think of you?”

You freeze.

His eyes burn into yours. “You think I’d let some weakling fight beside me?”

Your breath catches.

“You’re not a liability, dumbass.” His jaw works. “You don’t have to kill yourself to prove something that’s already fucking obvious.”

Something inside you cracks. You duck your head, squeezing your eyes shut. “You don’t get it, Katsuki. You’re strong, always. Even on your worst days, you don’t—” Your voice wavers. “I just wanted to be strong, too.”

Silence.

Then, the mattress dips. A hand lands on your head, fingers threading through your damp hair. Your eyes fly open, and Katsuki is right there, close enough that you can see the way his throat bobs.

“You are.”

The words are quiet, barely above a whisper.

Your chest tightens.

His fingers twitch, then tighten in your hair. “Just—don’t do something that stupid again.” His eyes flick away, then back. “You scared the shit out of me.”

Warmth blooms under your ribs, something fragile and unbearably soft. You reach up, covering his hand with your own.

“I won’t,” you murmur.

Katsuki doesn’t move his hand. And for the first time since stepping into the rain, you finally feel warm.

[rhiannonsknife]

fake dating with jackie taylor... what do people love more than a cliché between the popular cheerleader and athlete together? it's okay they kiss, it's just practice, or that longer look, it's to make it seem more real, or that jealousy because someone looked too much at your skirt, it's okay!

— FAKE DATING JACKIE TAYLOR

— summary: cheerleader!reader fake dating hcs.

— warnings: sort of modern au. because there’s no period typical homophobia. fluff. fem!reader.

it all starts out as jackie’s idea:

maybe she wants to make jeff jealous, or maybe she wants to one up another couple at school. either way, she’s confident it’ll work. besides that, it’s almost a mutually beneficial agreement: as a cheerleader, you often get attention from the wrong kind of people in school. whether it’s guys from the football team thinking they stand a chance or ‘only’ rumors that you’re dating someone you definitely aren’t.

“if we date,” jackie says one day in the locker room, twirling a strand of hair around her finger, “we both win! think about it!”

you’re hesitant at first. “jackie, we really don’t need to…fake date“

“maybe you don’t,” she teases, tilting her head, “but some of us need to keep up appearances!” she won’t outright say she’s trying to make jeff jealous, but you’re not stupid. and still, you agree.

jackie has a hundred different rules and conditions for it to be as convincing as possible.

and she is committed, refusing to half ass anything: “okay, first things first: we have to hold hands. like, all the time.” she explains. “that’s just a given!”

“all the time?”

“yes, obviously! in the hallways, at lunch, at parties…“ she lists them off on her fingers. “oh, and you should probably walk me to class. that’s what good girlfriends do!”

and jackie commits. she slips her fingers through yours between classes, slings an arm around your waist during lunch. at group hangouts, she doesn’t hesitate before pulling you onto her lap, her chin resting against your shoulder, voice low in your ear as she teases: “we have to make it believable,”

the first time jackie kisses you…

…it happens so fast, you barely have any time to process it.

you’re at a party, packed into someone’s dimly lit living room, and jackie’s got an arm lazily draped around your waist, playing her part like she always does. that’s until she overhears some guy muttering to his friend: ‘there’s no way they’re actually together’.

you barely catch it over the music but jackie does, and if there’s one thing she hates, it’s people doubting her.

before you can react, she turns to you, cups your cheeks and presses her lips to yours. it’s soft at first, but there’s a purpose behind it, like she’s proving a point to those who are still in doubt about you two. your brain short circuits.

“jesus, jackie,” you mumble when she pulls away.

jackie just pats your cheek, grinning. “don’t look so flustered!” she leans in and adds: “we’re gonna have to get used to it eventually”

after that first kiss, jackie is convinced you’re gonna have to practice some more to really sell the act.

“a real couple wouldn’t just…hesitate like that!” she points out during what’s supposed to be a study session at your place a couple of days later. “we need to work on that!” you arch a brow at jackie from across the bed, where she’s sprawled out in your hoodie. “oh, so now you’re a method actor?”

she scoffs, tossing a pillow at you. “i’m just saying, if we really want this to be convincing, we can’t flinch every time we kiss!“ she looks at you expectantly, propping herself up on her elbows. you didn’t flinch. you froze, because jackie taylor kissed and you haven’t stopped thinking about it since.

“so what exactly are you suggesting?”

jackie tilts her head like it should be obvious by now. “practice…repetition leads to confidence and that’s what we need!” she talks you through it like it’s soccer strategy. you roll your eyes. “right. because that’s totally normal!”

and then there’s the actual kissing practice with jackie.

she misses the sarcasm in your voice. or perhaps she just ignores it. either way, jackie shifts closer. it starts out innocent enough: a quick peck, a short, almost immediate pull away, followed by jackie scrunching her nose in dissatisfaction.

“see? that felt awkward,” she critiques, adjusting on the bed so she's facing you more directly. “try again, but, like...smoother!” you huff. “alright, smoother. got it”

you lean in again, tilt your head a little more, press a little softer. jackie hums approvingly against your lips, but when she pulls back, she still doesn't look satisfied. “better,” she admits, studying your face, your lips. “but i think we should-“

you don't let her finish this time. you’re not sure what comes over you, but you kiss her again, just a little harder than before, and she doesn't stop you. this time, her fingers curl over your shoulder, keeping you close.

it escalates so beautifully from there.

soft pecks turn into lingering ones. lingering ones turn into gentle tugs. you don't know who deepens the next one, only that suddenly jackie’s lips are parting under yours, and her hand is sliding to the back of your neck. she pulls back for a second, eyes half-lidded and lips already a little swollen. “that was...”

“convincing…?” her gaze flickers to your mouth before she nods. “yeah. convincing”

neither of you talks about that again after.

people love the idea of you together and jackie loves the attention.

honestly, it’s not hard to see why: the soccer captain and the head cheerleader? it’s the best pairing whs has seen in years. you hear it in the halls, the whispered gossip and the not so subtle excitement whenever you two walk into a room together.

jackie loves it. you can tell by the way she holds herself a little higher when people talk about you, how she glows under the praise of being part of the school’s it couple.

but speaking of attention: jackie who loves it when you wear her clothes out in public.

she drapes her jacket over your shoulders one morning before class, shrugging like it’s no big deal. “people expect it,” she says. and, honestly, you don’t mind all that much. it’s warm. it’s comfortable. and it smells like her.

after that, it becomes a thing. jackie insists you wear something that’s hers, whether it’s the jacket, her tops or the soccer jersey, and you stop pretending to have an issue with it. she throws it over you after practice, tugging the sleeves up your arms herself with an approving little nod.

jackie, who’s absolutely not jealous at all.

jackie taylor is not jealous. she swears. she’ll say it outright if you ever accuse her of it: “jealous? please. i just think we need to be more convincing!” it’s fine when she flirts with other people, obviously. that’s just how she is, she claims, always flashing smiles, twirling her hair in a way that makes people trip over their words. but when someone flirts with you? that’s when she suddenly has a problem.

“wow, that guy was really into you,” she’ll comment after a big game, voice just a little too sharp.

“what?” you blink. “who?”

“who? seriously?” jackie shakes her head, arms crossed over her chest. “the guy you were talking to for, like, forever at the sidelines?“

“he was just being nice!”

she lets out a short laugh. “nice? nice? he was practically all over you, and you were just standing there, smiling at him like-” jackie cuts herself off then, inhaling sharply. “you know what? doesn’t matter!”

jealous or not, jackie still loves to show off for you.

she has always been a performer, but ever since people started thinking you’re dating, she’s been playing it up even more, milking every moment for all it’s worth: on game days, she winks at you from across the field before the match even starts.

once it does begin, she is on: you knew she was good, of course, but with you watching jackie starts playing like she’s got something to prove. she scores the first goal not even fifteen minutes in, instantly looking out for you. and then, when she finds you in the stands, she points right at you. jackie mouths something you can’t quite make out, but you’re pretty sure it’s along the lines of that was for you.

jackie, who tells some of her teammates that this is all just ‘for show’ and ‘to make jeff jealous’

you’re not surprised when she admits that shauna knows you’re not actually dating; you didn’t except jackie to be able to keep this from her.

but then, one day at lunch, she sighs at you and jackie: “you guys are almost too convincing!” naturally, jackie beams. “obviously, shipman!”

you just shake your head, but then shauna smirks. “if i didn’t know better, i’d think you were actually in love with her.” jackie freezes mid-bite. it’s just one second of silence, but it feels so much longer before she scoffs: “please. i’m just good at this!”

you’re not sure why it stings to hear that.

and still, regardless of her constant reminders, jackie starts to let things slip.

she loves physical touch. it starts small, with the casual arm drapes, leaning against you after practice, dragging you along by the hand, then not letting go like you expected her to. and then there’s the team sleepover she dragged you to.

most of the other yellowjackets around you are either asleep or close to it, curled up in blankets and sleeping bags. you’re lying on your side when jackie shifts behind you, throwing an arm around your waist, snuggling up against your back.

you freeze, eyes snapping open in the dark.

jackie, half asleep, just hums, her breath warm against your shoulder. “what?” she murmurs. you hesitate, barely daring to breathe. “nothing”

jackie hums, already settling back into the warmth of you. “good!” and then she snuggles closer. as her breathing evens out against your neck, and you lie there, wideeyed, you wonder how the hell you’re supposed to keep pretending that this is all just for show.

jackie who starts to feel too familiar. who starts to feel real to you.

in the beginning, it’s easy to remind yourself that she is just playing the role of your girlfriend, the same way jackie plays every role; effortlessly, like she was made for it.

but then, little by little, it starts to feel real.

it’s in the way she links her pinky with yours when no one’s looking, not for an audience, just absentmindedly, like she forgets she doesn’t have to. in the way she picks you up every morning even though she hates driving. in the way she always saves you a seat, always passes you the last fry in the cafeteria without a second thought, always leans in close when she talks like there’s no one else in the room…

the thing with jackie is that she’s good at this. too good. maybe that’s why it sneaks up on you. the way your heart starts to trip over itself when she smiles at you, the way her touch lingers longer than it should, the way you catch yourself wanting it.

wanting her.

[igotanidea]

My level of messy: Jason Todd x reader

„What are you doing?”

A simple question dictated by unusual circumstances.

Any other Saturday morning, Y/N would be all over the place, huffing and puffing, cleaning the dust, vacuuming and doing all the things that usually came with weekly cleaning up the place.

That day, however, she was sitting on the couch, with something in her hands, looking –

Well it was hard to put it into words.

So he didn’t, instead plopping next to her, sending her a few inches up due to the impact.

“I’m re-reading my old journal.”

“Ok.” Jason nodded. The silence that fell after that acknowledgment was his attempt at giving her a chance to elaborate. “Aaaaaand? Why are you crying?”

“I’m not crying!”

“Mhm. Same accusation, same answer every time.”

“I am not-“

“Y/n/n, we’ve been through it a million times before.” He rolled his eyes “save us both some time sweetheart, and explain it, so I can make it better for ya, huh?”

“You’re gonna laugh-“

“Mh. Yeah. Sure. I’m gonna laugh at my soon-to-be-fiancé watering her eyes out. This is how big she thinks of me. That’s just effing great!”

“Stop being dramatic and – wait. Whoa, whoa. Hold back. Rewind. Soon-to-be-fiancé?”

“Not the point. Why are you crying?”

“I’m not-“

“Ah!” Jason groaned and before she realized what was happening she was being held down on the couch, with him hovering over her like a freaking predator with dangerously glistening eyes, tickling her side.

“Jason!”

“Talk or I’ll hold you captive forever.” His fingers were mercilessly rubbing her side making her giggle.

“But I am literally not crying now!”

“Talk!”

“Will you let go first?”

“No.”

“But-“

“Talk!”

“God!” she groaned, trying to wriggle and make herself a little more comfortable

“I mean it, princess, talk or-“

“You do realize your threats have no effect on – AAH! Ah! Stop! Fine! Fine, I’ll talk, just stop tickling!”

“Good girl. Now – what is the reason behind you trying to make yourself unhappy huh?” he brushed away tears from her cheeks, helping her sit up, now having made sure she won’t deflect anymore.

“It’s just – “ she sighed “do you ever feel like hugging your younger self?”

“Hugging my-“

“Don’t look so shocked. Do you? Actually, you know what, do not answer that question, it’s stupid-“

“Yeah.” He cut her off with one word, letting himself be vulnerable for a moment.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do feel like – well – maybe not hugging but at least saying some nice shit to that rascal.”

“Right…”

“I see a piece of my past self in every kid I stumble upon in the Crime Alley.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Big bad red hood getting all emotional. See what you did to me?”

“Well, for the record, it’s your fault. We were talking about me and then you just hijacked the conversation, acting like you’re a victim or something – “

“You’re so selfish, did I tell you that?”

“Not today, no.”

“Well, you’re selfish princess.”

“I am but a lady in distress and you refuse to help a lady in distress with offering a strong arm.”

“I’m not prince charming, Y/n/n. I am Red Hood.”

“You could be a red prince charming?”

“If you’re hinting at Deadpool, then let me tell you not a benchmark when it comes to Disney princes.”

She laughed softly, her mood becoming a little better, just by this banter, any outside would deem mean and harsh on both of their parts.

“Fine. Fine, have it your way” he raised hands in surrender. “What were you crying about – oh, wait, you call me inconsiderate but I think I actually did ask you that before-“

“I can’t remember.” She chuckled.

“You can’t remember why you were crying?” Jason frowned a little, sensing some sort of trap

“Yes.”

“Um… no?”

“Um… is this one of those situations when you pretend to have temporary sclerosis and then remind me of the tiny mistake I made a year ago on Monday, at 11.25?

“No!” she chuckled again “No, I’m being serious, I can’t remember. Wanna know why?”

“Because every time I feel down and like I’m a mess you come around and – “

“- prove to you that there’s a whole other level of being a mess?”

“NO!” she patted his chest in mock offense “will you let me finish the sentence!”

“Stop this domestic violence at once, young lady.” Her wrist ended up in his grip and away from any possibility of him getting abused again.

“- you come around and you prove to me that all you need in life is a person who matches  your kind of messy and crazy.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s called a partner in crime-“

“Ugh! You’re so dense! This is a whole different thing!” she opposed, becoming a little agitated, missing the obvious point that Jason was just messing with her in sheer selfish pleasure of seeing her eyes sparkle with mirth and her cheeks flushing.

“Y/N.”

“Why can’t you just understand that I’m trying to say—”

“I get it”

“No, no you don’t!” she wriggled against his hold

“Hey! Hey, stop it! Stop! Look at me!” his hands moved from her wrist to cupping her face. “I get it. Really. I know what you’re saying and I think –“

“Yeah?” she looked deep into his eyes.

“I think you’re my kind of mess too. And I think we match.”

“Like on Tinder?” she grinned pushing her luck

“God you’re impossible!!”

Yeah. So maybe it truly was about finding and keeping the person who was on the same level of craziness. The one who would understand that sometimes, healing trauma was about laughing at it and finding a way to move on with that laughter on the lips.  

[coffinclownery]

Hot Take Ashley Noticed Andrew Being Horny Weird Around Her

I think Ashley knows about the peeping. It would explain why she assumes the worst of Andrew. I made a post before about how Ashley seems to believe the "men think of sex every 5 seconds" myth regarding Andrew, not realizing how Andrew's focus is on her specifically. I think her realizing Andrew's horny around her doesn't disprove anything I said. Because to her this would actually prove her point. That he's so horny that he'd even lust after his sister, but is too much of a coward to actually say it to her face. And because Andrew never fully explains how down bad he is for her, Ashley's left to assume that Andrew's just that desperate for sex and nothing else. And whenever she tried to explore being more romantic she's pushed away, further cementing that its just lust.

Like the time when they were teens, and Ashley wondered if they could be different. She wasn't fully onboard with being gross together, but she was curious about being a couple. Something different. But then Andrew pushed her away and never explained why he was uncomfortable, so the only conclusion Ashley could come to was that Andrew didn't see her that way. Then in the year and change they don't talk she notices him getting horny, so she's only left to assume that it must just be her body he's interested in, despite already being in a relationship with Julia. He just wanted her body but not be in a "real" relationship like he was with Julia, which I think also contributed to how pissed she was when they became "official." Even without doing anything, it's hard to imagine her not feeling used this way. And also becoming "official" signified the potential to get married, leaving Ashley behind.

Which is exactly what Andrew was planning, running off without even trying to talk it out with her!

There's also the "mishap" on the couch in shots, when after the shotgun she takes the initiative to kiss Andrew back.

She never gave herself the opportunity to explore her own view of sex, but I do think that she genuinely likes being affectionate to Andrew and him being affectionate to her, even when they definitely cross the line. She likes hugs, cuddles and sometimes even the "mishaps," maybe because in those moments she can feel like she's actually loved. The last time she was really happy was joking around on their parents couch and biting him. But once again, Andrew pushes her away, saying she's bad at it.

In the splat ending she admits it hurts when Andrew doesn't think she likes them.

And in the Shots and Such ending she gives up on the soft affectionate side of their relationship altogether, only using her body as a means to an end and even resenting the one time she almost enjoyed it.

Andrew complains about not having boundaries with Ashley, but the sick joke is he never gave Ashley boundaries either. Her privacy was invaded by him without explanation. She was used as an object of desire the way Ashley used "Andy" as a safe object. One of the many reasons Ashley prefers "Andy" is that he would be with her without expecting anything, but "Andrew" has the wants of a man which threatens to separate him from her.

It's also why she's so confused in the cliffhanger route. Andrew gives her "promises" and is affectionate, yet isn't interested in bartering for affection or using her body. It almost shakes that deep-seated view she has of Andrew.

...Then of course Andrew fucks it up right before they separate. And now Ashley's left with the Entity's words about him betraying her until he either returns or she goes looking for him.

Also fun fact, Andrew never says "I love you" back to Ashley. Not once. Because if he did his real feelings for her might leak out. You could say Ashley's similar in that most of her "I love yous" are for Andy, but unlike Andrew I think she extends what she considers "love" to Andrew too, in a different way.

Anyway tl:dr Ashley's assumption of Andrew being horny all the time was possibly contributed to the fact that Andrew kept failing to hide his horniness around her. At this point it'd be healthier for Andrew to just ask Ashley out. Go out to the movies? Have a candlelight dinner with a couple limbs and some wine? Go stargazing? I heard someone had a really good pick-up line to use during stargazing.

[sepublic]

            The Owl House’s first episode really is a litmus test for people who claim to support Problem Kids who act out but ultimately need support by their community instead of punishment by the system, because jeezus.

            The way so many people were clutching their pearls over Luz bringing fireworks to school, treating her like some domestic terrorist in the making who needed to be carted away, and not just… An eager kid who got in over her head trying to bring fun with something associated with fun, especially in her country!!! Like this was so obviously a well-meaning child who just needed to be sat down and explained the dangers of fireworks, who was clearly willing to listen!

            And yeah, Luz DID become a domestic terrorist. But you know what I mean, and really that just proves my point that Luz can be a rebel in a fantastical sense, but when you apply it to a real-world context, suddenly she’s a menace that needs to be stopped. Because it’s easy to root for the metaphor until you have to uncomfortably apply it your own life. Why else would Belos be an actual colonizer from IRL history, and not just a space alien or demon?

            It’s the way people saw this cartoonishly-evil system that the show was so unambiguous about, and because they thought they were being clever by being uncritically contrarian (when really they were just affirming their own latent biases), they argued that Oh yeah maybe the system IS good for Luz, maybe this is what she needs! The way people were so ready to take the camp’s promises at face value, that See it’s going to teach her how to do taxes and listen to the news!

            People were just so insistent that actually, the Troubled Teen Industry means well and will do well in taking this brown child away from her struggling brown mother, without a choice for either of them. They just ignored the obvious bit about Principal Hal sending Luz to the camp as a punishment, out of spite, after breaking his promise to give her another chance as soon as he ran into the aftereffect of Luz’s prior chance. Luz even brings it up, “That doesn’t count, right?” And he still went through with it because he doesn’t actually care about what Luz needs, he just wants to punish her!!!

            It’s Be Gay, Do Crimes until the protagonist performs actual crimes and suddenly she has to be arrested. Nobody questioned how at least half the incidents Luz was sent to the office over were clear overreactions by the school; Things that didn’t harm anyone! It’s almost as if, gee, maybe sometimes kids DO cause problems, but there’s a particular bias and double-standard regarding certain demographics, and so they’ll be punished for the same things other well-behaved kids get away with! Principal Hal clearly had it out for Luz from the start , so I really don’t care about his judgment.

            It’s all about restorative justice for criminals, until one of them does something even remotely problematic and suddenly they have to be hauled off and not worked with. It’s all about supporting child welfare, recognizing that kids are a struggling and oppressed class in and of themselves, until Luz is having her entire summer vacation, a whole three-months period to herself that is idolized in our culture by kids for this reason, to be sent learning how to do taxes.

            But nnoooo these are important life skills, you argue! But if your parents used up your whole vacation, your only reprieve, to send you to a camp where you had to learn these things, you would understandably be calling it child abuse. Y’all stress the importance of breaks and how school genuinely wears a kid down, and vacation is legitimately necessary; But Luz is a Problem Child and you’ll say it with unironic contempt.

            And that’s not even getting into the implicit bigotry of the system, because under kids’ show censorship you can’t actually SAY that the system is targeting Luz disproportionately for being brown. But you can definitely imply it, just as in Teen Titans, Cyborg goes on a whole spiel about how he can verbalize Starfire’s struggles with fantasy bigotry without her even having to explain it to him, clarifying that he knows because he’s… part-robot.

            Belos isn’t allowed to rant about indigenous peoples but his attempted genocide of natives in a fantasy world is so obviously meant to hearken to what IRL Puritans did with Native Americans, and the show even clarifies that its universe’s witch hunters had the same motives as IRL witch hunters, who were racist, misogynistic, etc. Lilith tells Luz to go back to her world. The Reality Check Camp has Masha, an obvious Russian migrant child, a dark-skinned kid, and another kid based off of Molly Knox Ostertag, who is openly queer. Gee, it’s almost as if the camp is targeting, specifically, kids who don’t fit within the cultural hegemony of the United States!

            And yes, it’s interesting that Yesterday’s Lie creates ambiguity for Luz because these kids seemed to get along and find each other because of the camp… From her own perspective. But Luz doesn’t have the luxury of re-watching a scene carefully, she had other things on her mind. She’s canonically an Unreliable Narrator who remembers things as worse than they actually were, as revealed in the very next episode.

            The kids said they found solidarity while also calling the camp terrible, so it’s clear it was an unintended side-effect of the camp, it had nothing to do with the camp itself; But Luz isn’t the calm, detached viewer. So her takeaway is something that will fuel her regret over coming to the isles, which her mother really contributes towards at the end of said episode.

            I don’t think TOH is the pinnacle of Leftist media, obviously. It’s basic, entry-level stuff; But this is a kids show. So not only is its effort impressive for a kids show and setting the bar, but it’s also a good introduction for kids into other ideas. The writers are clearly operating off of ideas and beliefs, so it’s fun analyzing how they bleed into their work, how they think to convey these ideas, and Readings are always a thing. And also, yeah; It IS a kids show! What I’ve said should be obvious to kids, the first episode is cartoonishly obvious, but some of y’all are actual grown adults who still can’t get it, how embarrassing!

            And in the end, I don’t think it’s because you don’t have the skills. I think some of y’all do understand, but are just contrarians who live in a perfect bubble where you don’t notice the system’s issues and are insistent on taking its side, even when the narrative is unambiguous about its fault. I also think some of y’all are just racist, and/or misogynistic. That some of the people saying this are white does not elude me.

            I know I toss those words around a lot, but seriously; It genuinely is everywhere, but of course privileged people can ignore it, and treat women and PoC as insane and overreacting. It’s Not That Deep until it bleeds into everything, including people’s writing and how they engage with media. Luz was struggling with the viewers’ own racism since the first episode.

            The most absurd part is that the show does get around to this; It does address that Luz can get carried away, and that she needs to be more mindful. It can also be nuanced in acknowledging that she was disproportionately targeted and punished for being “weird.” The first episode sets up the show’s conflict, its themes, its status quo and cast; As well as the flaws and trajectory of our main character’s arc. It begins addressing these things pretty early on with Luz learning to be more mindful as early as the fourth episode.

            But y’all are adults who lack reading comprehension with a kids show, and demand every issue of the protagonist be resolved in its first episode, which is already going fast because of everything else it’s handling, on top of its first lesson for our protagonist. Y’all really needed Luz’s flaws to be resolved ASAP instead of her development occurring naturally over the course of the show, and ending with the show because it’s about her story.

            Because you can’t bear to deal with a girl of color’s flaws being a consistent thing on the backburner spaced across the show for her to eventually conquer, she needs to be punished immediately! Because it’s not enough that she learns and grows from her mistakes, no Luz needs to also be punished in a show that starts off talking about the system’s disproportionate punishment. But then y’all see your white faves and complain about how they were so much more fun when they were mean, why didn’t they stay mean, why didn’t we get more time for them to be mean before they had character development…!

[muzetrigger]

In celebration of Nevermore S2, I feel the need to explain why I’m hoping for more Ada page time/development and why she’s my absolute favorite character, despite the series being absolutely stuffed with quality.

Oh and also why MorellAda is peak. I WILL TAKE NO ARGUMENTS ON THIS POINT.

So yeah, MAJOR SPOILERS Y’ALL

Okay, so when we’re first introduced Ada, she’s a minor antagonist, not just in the sense that she’s not the main villain, but that literally, she’s just kind of an annoyance to both Lenore and Prospero. That being said, shortly after the Labyrinth arc, we see her genuinely impressed with Lenore and trying to make amends.

Now at that point, there’s no real reason for us to believe that Ada is telling the truth. Yeah, she seems like she’s being genuine, but so far, we also know that she’s been playing some social games to get ahead.

That’s where we get this first piece of insight into her character (not actually the first piece but whatever):

Ada chooses caviar as her last meal, despite not liking it, or ever having had it before. She is the only student who doesn’t enjoy her final meal, and that tells us that one, Ada doesn’t know what’s good for her; two, that she probably comes from a lower class background that never would have had access to caviar; and three, that she aspires to that upper class position. She is exactly what Morella would call a “phony” but while her phoniness impacts her social behavior in the ways that Morella criticizes, she’s also lying to herself without even realizing it.

Okay, but that’s a bit of subtle character development, so Red and Flynn hit us with this:

(In case you didn’t hate Montressor already)

This moment is so critical to understanding Ada because it shows that she has absolutely no limits when it comes to proving her worth to other people. Why? Because Ada has no sense of self-worth. She is completely dependent on other people’s thoughts to feel adequate. That’s why she clings so hard to Prospero and Annabel Lee, which makes this preceding exchange even more brutal.

Ada reaches out to Annabel for support, and Annabel ignores her.

Annabel BETRAYS her, and this is going to become something of a running theme for Ada.

Now, of course, Annabel has problems, but this is COLD.

So cold even Prospero is surprised, and this sets up why Ada crumbles so easily, because the one person she thought was her friend at this school, literally her roommate (and we know what happens when you’re not on good terms with your roommate), the person who gave her (fake) love advice, just left her out in the rain.

No one is on her side, not Annabel who’s ignoring her, not Prospero (who is rightly) annoyed with her clinginess, not Will who is supporting Montresor, and certainly not Montresor who is verbally abusing her.

The only person by Ada’s side is Morella, partly because she’s being targeted too, but also because Morella is trying to protect Ada.

(Look at that hug. That is a small puppy trying to cheer up her depressed friend.)

Chapter 39-40 firmly cemented Ada as my favorite character because we get a deconstruction of this preppy, pompous, phony personality into someone with crippling self-worth issues, and I don’t know about anyone else, but I relate HARD to those feelings of inadequacy and needing external validation. Will might be the doppelgänger, but Ada is the one with Imposter Syndrome.

Anyway, now we’re going to have to skip a few chapters, because while the haunted house arc is great, it doesn’t really do much with Ada’s character. We do learn that Ada was almost definitely a servant in her past life because she’s able to navigate the house’s secret passages, and we learn that yes, she’s a romantic who clearly doesn’t understand TPO (time, place, and occasion).

Those details are important to understanding Ada, because they help contextualize why her confidence is so abysmal (servants aren’t to be seen or heard) and why she clings so strongly to ideas of ladyhood and romance (the women she served would certainly have appeared to be more comfortable than her, though I’m sure Lenore and Annabel would disagree).

We also get this feast for the MorellAda shippers:

At this point, it’s implied that Morella has stonewalled dozens of students into Prospero’s death trap, but she makes one exception that she will not stand for, and it’s Ada.

At first, I thought this was a little weird, because why wouldn’t Morella protect Lenore? I mean, she’s the protagonist and clearly treats Morella better, but looking back, it’s telling that Ada is the one who Morella chooses.

Morella’s whole deal is that she wants to protect people, and Lenore isn’t vulnerable, Ada is.

Red and Flynn do a lot of excellent foil work in Nevermore, most prominently with Lenore and Annabel, but the contrast between Ada’s dependence on what other people think of her and Morella’s dependence on what she can do for other people is just another reason why I think MorellAda is so good.

But the real interesting events happen post-house.

Prospero has had it.

Now, was Ada being clingy? Yes.

Was she being totally oblivious to all of Prospero’s signals? Yes.

Did she deserve to be told directly that Prospero was just not that into her? Hell. Yes.

But did she deserve THAT much of a verbal beat down? Probably not, especially keeping in mind that Annabel told her this:

So now that I’ve thrown Annabel under the bus for her hand in this disaster, I want to look at one line from Prospero in particular:

“Nothing you say will make you good enough.”

It’s not the final line of Prospero’s diatribe, but it’s definitely the one that hits the hardest for Ada. She is trying SO hard to play the part of a lady in order to be loved, and she is being told that at a fundamental level, she is inadequate.

And she takes that about as well as someone who’s had this happen to them could:

A hatchet to the stomach’s going to ruin anyone’s day, but we can reasonably infer that the person who axe’d Ada was probably the young master she was serving and was having an affair with, and that he aimed for her stomach to abort any kind of child she might have carried.

Again, we see this theme of betrayal and rejection. Ada might not have been able to be a lady, but in an affair, she might been able to pretend that she genuinely had her master’s affection, even though she was just there at his convenience.

This was foreshadowed all the way back with Ada’s first confrontation with Montressor and it’s a great example of how thoroughly planned Red and Flynn’s writing is (Annabel Lee’s panic attack at Lenore’s death in the Labyrinth and the House Fire is another amazing example).

But, it’s also super traumatic which means we finally get Ada’s Spectre!

First, let me gush about how AMAZING this design is. Just aesthetically, it’s great. But it’s also amazing because of how it showcases so much of Ada’s identity. If you look at the spectre’s skirt, you’ll notice it has two distinct parts, a larger back that mimics a lady’s hoop skirt, and a pleated miniskirt, which wouldn’t be out of place in a skimpy maid costume. In her spectre form, we can clearly see Ada attempting to match a lady’s silhouette but upon closer inspection, we can also see the part of Ada that might have sparked her fatal affair, this symbol of risqué servantile behavior.

It’s also worth mentioning what ISN’T in the Banshee’s design, her abdomen. Obviously, this might be a reference to the fact that she was killed by a hatchet to the gut, but if we get dark with it (and it’s Nevermore, we can’t not get dark with it), what men traditionally (and unfortunately still do if the 2024 US elections are anything to go by…) value in a woman, her reproductive ability, is absent.

Ada, who places so much importance on what others think of her, is literally is worthless to them. (I want to clarify, I DON’T personally believe that, but from a 19th-20th century male perspective, that tracks.)

We could also read her abdomen’s absence as another attempt for Ada to play into feminine expectations. Because she’s missing her stomach, she has a tight hourglass figure. I don’t personally believe Ada has an eating disorder, but as the last dinner scene clearly indicates, she has a complicated relationship with food and what stigmas are attached to specific cuisines, and unfortunately many people do metaphorically throw away their stomachs to pursue beauty goals like Ada’s spectre does literally.

Stepping away from design, I also love how Ada acts immediately after getting the slightest bit of power.

She is PETTY.

She taunts Prospero (and let’s face it, you cheered. Don’t lie to me!), which I find so interesting because suddenly, Ada is the one giving opinions.

Ada is finally allowed to express herself.

Here, she takes it out on Annabel, which makes total sense. Annabel abandoned her and is the embodiment of what Ada craves outwardly. But Ada also recognizes that she herself is a servant who was forced to serve people like Annabel and denied their comforts because of her status. If Ada hadn’t been a maid, if maybe she had been a noble or a “true lady”, maybe should would have been allowed a romance or allowed to keep her child or at least allowed to live.

The Banshee is such a perfect moment, because until this scene, Ada has bottled up her insecurities and played the part of a loyal lackey and been this “phony”. As a servant, her entire livelihood would have revolved around keeping up appearances (or disappearances) around her masters, but as a ghost, Ada is more genuine than she has ever been.

And that’s so wonderfully displayed by how Annabel defuses the situation:

To the very end, we see Ada being vulnerable. Annabel takes advantage of her insecurities, and as the Banshee, Ada doesn’t try to hide the fact that it devastates her.

If the Montressor moment didn’t guarantee a place in my heart for Ada, Episode 71 definitely did. I’m not going to argue that characters in Nevermore haven’t experienced worse, but I will argue that no character in season one ever gets close to how pathetic and distraught Ada is here.

And what’s so heart-wrenching about this for me is that Ada is aware of how pathetic she is. She knows she’s been acting like an idiot and throwing a tantrum like a child, which is a surprising amount of insight and maturity for someone we have been led to believe is quite frankly an idiot. And yeah, I relate to those feelings of self-loathing and not knowing what to do or even where to start triaging a disaster I made myself.

Now, Montressor takes advantage of this like the abuser he is by swooping in and wooing Ada, but before that, I’m going to rewind like the shipper I am to replay this:

Again, we see Morella trying to help Ada! And obviously, that’s not what Ada needs at that moment, but it’s worth keeping in mind that out of everyone in the lecture hall then, Morella is the first and really only one to reach out to Ada. (Montressor is a manipulator. He doesn’t count.)

Last time skip, I promise!

The end of the Wall arc doesn’t quite reach the highs (or is it lows?) of Ada’s character development, but I’m so excited for what it sets up in season two.

So, Lenore and the gang find where Montressor has Cask of Amantillado’d Duke and they dig their favorite French man out while beating the shit out of our cowboy(?). There’s a ton of great moments (hell yeah, Pluto! Get him!) but the battle really swings in the misfits’ favor when Duke hypnotizes Ada to traumatize Montresor.

One, this is just an amazing display of Duke’s spectre, two, it shows that Montressor has reasons (maybe not great reasons but at least they’re reasons) for being such an asshole, and three, it shows us that mental spectre powers are straight up busted.

We already knew from Prospero that Ada’s fear factor could trap a person inside a vision of their own trauma so realistic they can feel the physical effects of it, but she can also send a man with a broken Fibula into a full blown frenzy, AND Duke’s hypnosis is something even he can’t dispel.

(Does this look like the face of a man who has things under control?)

It also sets up this exchange:

Morella is able to break through Duke’s hypnosis, and she does it without attacking Ada’s insecurities like Annabel did. Now, I’m a hopeless MorellAda shipper, so of course I reading into this, but even then, it showcases how important Morella is to Ada. After all, Morella is basically the only person who has stuck by Ada’s side this whole time.

…At least until this happens:

Morella has had enough of Ada’s excuses, and just like Prospero basically tells her to shove off.

But the painfully ironic part about this is, Ada is telling the truth. This ONE time, it really isn’t her fault. It’s Duke’s.

But Morella won’t let her get a word in and I love how Flynn drew Ada’s face. It’s a different kind of fear than when Ada was groveling in front of Montresor or reeling from Prospero’s rejection. Here, she isn’t afraid of being abandoned by Morella; she’s afraid of losing Morella.

I know that difference might sound REALLY contrived to some people, but in this case, Ada has a way to keep Morella in her life that doesn’t involve debasing herself and believes that Morella will listen to her. For the first time ever, Ada thinks she has a little control over the situation together with a friend, not an enemy. They can talk things out, and that really shows how close her connection with Morella is and how that connection can be the catalyst for Ada to start developing some self-respect.

Except Morella totally shuts her down.

Of course, I’m disappointed that there’s this “divorce arc” but it makes sense in context and it’s healthier for Morella to make a clean break from the posh crew (even though Ada clearly needs her wife more than ever, like come on, don’t leave her in Monstresor’s clutches!)

Speaking of which, I’m much more disappointed with how Ada immediately crawls back to Montresor and Annabel after being chastised. If there’s one thing I have on my season two checklist, it’s Ada learning to have some confidence in herself (and maybe tossing Montresor to the Hunt).

And I really want an apology from Morella and Duke to Ada. Now THAT’S delusional, and I might be the only one who thinks Ada deserves those apologies, because let’s face it, Ada is a wreck, but it would be nice, especially if she gives out the several dozen apologies she owes the misfit crew too, so that she can hang with them and spend more time with her wife Morella.

Anyway, yeah.

I really like Nevermore.

And I really like Ada. I think she’s severely underrated.

Of course I love Lenore and Annabel, and Morella is a precious and badass cinnamon roll, and Duke is so SO cool, and Pluto is cute as hell, and Eulalie is basically manga-Orihime (which is amazing), but there’s something so HUMAN about Ada.

I empathize with her in ways that I just can’t with the rest of the cast because… they’re just too awesome. I have difficulty believing Lenore or Annabel will ever feel something as fundamentally devastating as Ada has. At their core, they’re just stronger people. Ada is someone who needs more support and it’s nice to see those weaker characters treated with the same amount of care as a protagonist who we typically see stumble a lot but ultimately succeed. With side characters, there’s a genuine chance that they fail permanently and that adds so much to Ada’s stakes.

And honestly? I’ll say it. I think a lot of the students had alright lives or even good lives, they just happened to be cut short traumatically. Exceptions for Lenore (obviously) and Pluto (baby, you deserved so much better than your deadbeat dad), possibly Eulalie for having to live through WWII, but you’re not going to tell me that Montresor didn’t have a good run being awful, Duke didn’t have a successful performance career, and Prospero wasn’t a wealthy bastard. But who knows? We haven’t delved too much into the others’ backstories, so I could be very wrong.

Anyway, I guess this was just a very long-winded way of me saying I love Ada because I’m a total girl-failure and also I’m super excited for season two.

[sseulforgii]

stay beautiful

Yu Jimin x Reader

a/n: This was long overdue. I'm sorry to the anon I made to wait for so long. 😭 i feel like this still sucks but i have to get it out 🥲

This is also for you @1luvkarina 🥹 I hope to read more stories from you 😌

“If you and I are a story that never gets told, if what you are is a daydream I’ll never get to hold, at least you’ll know…”

Her laugh rang loud and melodious across the room. Even if you have just arrived, you already know where she is among the sea of people in this house. You were greeted by familiar faces and family members but you were distracted, already craning your neck as you made way to her. Your aunt caught you in a bear hug before you can even protest and she laughed seeing you very focused on getting across the hall to that person sitting crossed leg on the piano bench surrounded by children.

“You never changed. It’s still Jimin that distracts you from everything.” is what you hear next followed by a chuckle. You whipped your head so fast to the sound of that voice and found yourself face to face with Jimin’s older brother. You flush at his comment and was about to argue when you heard the start of a melody playing. You immediately turned your attention to the goddess playing cheerfully on the piano, singing Christmas songs with the kids as the elders hum and sway along. You were enchanted much and it brought you back to the very first time you met Yu Jimin.

It was summer back when you were nine and you just got home from camp. You were so excited to show your mom the cool crafts you have created when you heard someone playing the piano. Now you don’t really have siblings and your mom can’t play as well, so you were so intrigued and followed the sound. It led you to her.

There sitting in front of a piano was a girl, about your age, smiling and singing some disney song and your mom clapping along. You were enthralled by her voice and you stood there unmoving, your heart beating fast and your tummy doing somersaults as you watched her. And then the magic broke when someone spoke beside you, “at least wipe the drool off of your face.” You yelped, caught by surprise with this unfamiliar boy, the playing stopped and all eyes were on you then, making you flushed with embarrassment.

The little girl playing the piano hopped off the bench and smiled at you. “Hi, I’m Jimin! I just moved in next door.” You were still red as you shook her hand, your mom explaining how she and her brother just moved in with their grandparents a day ago. In all honesty, you weren’t even paying attention anymore. All your brain could process was Jimin’s hand in yours, her little laugh, and that melodious voice as she asked you to be her friend.

You were inseparable from then on. Although she was a year older than you, you always make it a point to spend every moment possible with her. It proved to be a challenge though, as she was in every school activity possible. She was a star in everyone’s eyes. Her brilliance transcends academics and music for her bubbly personality draws everyone in as well. But what you loved about all of this was that even though it seems that everyone’s world revolves around Jimin, hers always included you.

In whatever spotlight Jimin might find herself in she always looks back to you. As if she can’t do it without you smiling and nodding at her encouragingly. It made you feel somewhat special. It made your heart soar and admire her even more.

Now Jimin, however brilliant she is, doesn’t seem to know how many people swoon for her. That or she doesn’t care at all. You try to hold in a laugh every time she turns down a date without her even knowing or accidentally friendzoning people who look at her defeatedly. But because you were witnessing all of these, you never had the courage to even give her a hint of how you were feeling. Although it seems that it’s obvious for the people around you, you chose for Jimin to stay in her tiny oblivious bubble- in your head though, this bubble protects your friendship.

For all the pining and admiration you have for Jimin, you knew her focus was elsewhere. You can see how passionate she is for her music and it didn’t even surprise you that come senior year, she was accepted in NYU’s music program. You were happy for her and cheering her on. She was ecstatic and nervous at the same time, but with you filled her with encouragement the whole time.

The last time you saw her was when she was leaving for college. She hugged you really tight and made you promise to still keep in touch. You were happy for her but you also don’t want to miss this chance to tell her how you feel. So before you bid goodbye for the last time you handed her a letter and told her to only read it when she’s on the plane to New York. She laughed at that but promised she will. You stepped back so she can get inside her brother’s car and waved for the last time but as she was getting in, she stopped and ran over to you to kiss you on the cheek. Before you can even register what happened she already closed the car door and they drove away, leaving you slack-jawed and scarlet on the driveway with your hand hovering on your cheek.

“To my Jimin,” the letter read, “When you find everything you looked for, I hope your life will lead you back to my front door.”

And now after a year away from home, you see her just as how you first met her. She seemed to sense your presence then and looked up from the piano. She smiled that silly smile you love and beckoned you to her. You sit beside her on the piano bench and she nudged you with her shoulder as she still keeps on playing. “Took you long enough,” she huffs and kisses your cheek.

[pupyuj]

Need ur thoughts on baby daddy ive unnies 😊

since i’ve already covered jiwon and yujin before i’m only gonna do gaeul, rei, and wony here! 💕💕

[cw: pregnancy, lactation kink]

gaeul would be the sweetest baby daddy ever :(( i like the idea of the two of you being a long term couple who everybody always assumes that are married but actually aren’t 😭 and naturally gaeul would want a kid with you but due to thinking that you might not want one yet or ever, she ends up just staying quiet about it until you bring it up, in which her eyes literally light up as soon as you say “i’d love to have your baby” one night during a heart to heart 🥺🥺 after that talk, the two of you would then try to get pregnant every time you fuck! there’d be a different kind of hunger in gaeul’s eyes every time she’s on top of you—she fucks you in a way that feels good for you and her and to top it all off, she’s making sure not to waste a drop of her cum 😵‍💫 promises you so many sweet things in your ear after every thrust 🥺 things such as: “i’m gonna give you however many of my babies you want” and even taunting you almost?? “you want that, hm? you wanna be a mommy, my love??” 🤤💕 of course countless nights spent fucking and being a nightmare for your neighbours results in you having a perfectly healthy child in your belly months later 💞 now ik ya’ll were expecting something nasty and allat but gaeul is just . the angel ever so this was mostly just soft hours 😭

rei and her baby daddy moment would come as a welcome surprise methinks 🤓 getting you pregnant was neither planned nor unplanned 😭 yes, she frequently daydreamed about starting a family with her one true love but she wasn’t actively trying to knock you up every time you fucked! in fact, reibear is very careful and strict when it came to protection bcs the last thing she wanted to do was give you a baby you didn’t ask for 💀 so she was shocked in the best way when you gave her the big news with the happiest look on your face 🥺💞 rei would hug you, spin you around, then jump about the room with you before stopping abruptly to ask you if you really are happy with all of this and when you answer “yes” (bcs of course!!), she would jump around with you again 😭😭 ah, rei would be so happy that she’d just pick you up, put you on top of her desk, and give you the best head she’s ever given you in all your years of dating 🥰 and she’d honestly have an obsession with eating you out throughout your pregnancy and it is not just because she’s addicted to your taste! there’d be this whole misunderstanding where you’d start thinking that maybe rei was starting to get the ick seeing your stomach get bigger as her child grows inside you when really she’s… scared to do anything else 💀 hell, you’d even catch rei jerking herself off alone in your shared bedroom and she’d explain that she’d just been afraid to fuck you properly bcs she didn’t want to potentially hurt you and the kid ☹️

ofc you’d reassure rei with both words annnnd… riding her reverse cowgirl style and proving that you can be safe having sex while pregnant! 💕 and now onto actual baby daddy stuff; rei takes it all very seriously to the point where it’s so endearing 😭💘 she’s always on high alert when it comes to your needs and there’s never a moment where she’s far away enough to not immediately be there when you need her, such a sweet girl 🥺☹️ she’s giving your baby bump kisses, caressing it, staring lovingly at you while you take a nap in her arms… SHE’S JUST A WONDERFUL MOMMY UEUEUE 💔💔

wonyoung acts like a kid who has just been given a new toy when you drop the news on her head in the middle of a lovely friday afternoon after coming home from a doctor to confirm that yes, you are in fact pregnant with jang wonyoung’s child! and when i tell ya’ll she’s locked tf IN throughout your entire pregnancy.. 😭 actually leaves work to always be in the house and take care of you, never ever leaves your side, actually loses her mind when you so much as trip on air or get a paper cut, and is clingy and overprotective to the point it’s kinda annoying?? 😭 like you would actually have to sit her down and tell her to not stress about you and the kid bcs she’s already doing so much for the two of you 🥺 ofc she’d calm down then and be a bit more tame around you! 😭💞 ugh, wonyoung would be so sweet… constantly talking to your stomach in this baby voice and getting so happy when she puts her hand on it and feel your baby kick 🥺🥺 seeing you so happy carrying her child just makes her want to make more! and this is where her clinginess became rlly adorable bcs she’d just stare at you with shining eyes and a lil pout… you’d think she’s just being cute for no reason but nopeee~ let your eyes wander down a bit further and you’ll her cock fighting against the fabric of her jean shorts 🤤☺️

wonyoung would absolutely not let you do anything that requires you to do too much so she would actually have you sat on the couch while she’s standing up with her dick all hard and up in your face 😵‍💫 and even though you’re only using your hands and mouth on her, wonyoung is still asking you if you’re doing okay, praising you endlessly, and rewarding your hard work with the loveliest of moans, whines, and the softest hair pulling 🥰 cums all over your face, neck, chest area, and your tits… the sight of her seed dripping down your breasts just gives wonyoung the idea of her newest obsession! wonyoung + lactation kink is just a match made in heaven okay?? it’s impossible to not picture her just getting absolutely turned on at the idea of getting a taste of your breast milk and then actually going ahead to do exactly that when you decide to entertain her fantasy 🤤🤤 and she cums in her underwear while she does it. oops 🤭

[hazbinhotelreimaginedproject]

✨🍎Charlie's Relationships!🍎✨

Vaggie, Angel, Alastor, Lucifer!

✨🍎Charlie + Vaggie🦋🗡️

Ever since their first meeting, Charlie has held Vaggie in high regard. She was the first 'sinner' she had ever officially met, and the first true 'friend' the princess ever had. Strong, organized, determined, a person you can rely on when you're hyperactive, messy, confused, frustrated... lonely... ↓↓↓

Charlie is the ideas person, the one with both wonder and will, and Vaggie is the manager, helping shape the lengthy schemes into direct actions. Sometimes she wonders how she would've gotten this far in her plan without her girlfriend's help.

Wait- GIRLFRIEND!? W-well y-yes, they are both girls a-and they are certainly friends!! Yes!!! Definitely no weird bubbly feeling she can't explain because she's never been in love before!!! LOVE!?!? Uhh y-yeah, of course she loves her best friend!!! Her bestest best friend that she loves and wants to remain friends with forever-- n-nothing more, *sob* y-yeah DEFINITELY!!!

✨🍎Charlie + Angel🕸️🩷

Charlie has been very sheltered her entire life, so to live with one as familiar with hell life as Angel is a great opportunity to learn more about her subjects! And he is proving to be a great teacher! She didn't know a lot about his profession, never had experience dealing with drunk people, nor has she ever witnessed an addict's creativity in finding new stash locations, but after a week with him? Got pretty familiar.

Hes unfiltered and always lets her know whenever he's unhappy with something, which makes reading and accommodating him so much easier! She's often wrong in her readings, but slowly realizes it's because Angel as a person is much more complex than she ever thought possible.

Overtime, she stops looking at him as a subject of study, but as a person she has genuinely bonded with, and they develop an older brother - younger sister dynamic. Soon he also softens a bit and starts teaching her social cues and sinner etiquette so she can learn to navigate her people and their struggles.

✨🍎Charlie + Alastor 🦌🥩

Alastor is a trickster whose reputation precedes him, to the point even the shut-in princess knows to be cautious of him. Completely unpredictable, he is quiet and reserved on some days, and the most talkative extrovert on others, which makes getting him to help or even getting in contact with him absolute hell.

His suggestions are always either violent or absurd, but there is always a pinch of truth to them that she has to sift through and find. Something about him tells her that he's really guiding her on the right path, but something else urges her to be careful.

Another thing that surprised her about him, is that apparently that old-school gentleman loves pranks. He has certainly shown her and the hotel residents so multiple times. And she, of course, lovely gullible she, is his favorite target.

✨🍎Charlie + Lucifer 👑❤️‍🔥

Charlie and her dad... aren't close. It was better when her mother was still around, but now she hardly considers him family. He is the one funding her endeavor, but she hates having to rely on him or ask him for help, mostly because he would always dismiss her with a laugh and start talking about his duck projects or whatever.

She knows it's his curse, she knows he would never truly empathize with her or give her the time of day because of his sin, but she still hates him for it. She hates how he never treats her seriously, she hates when he gives her estimations of when her program would fail, she hates him laughing at her plans like they were children's drawings. She hates him.

... Except she doesn't. She can't really bring herself to. He seems to be trying this time around. Really trying. Almost like hes... fighting himself. If she's already trying to redeem sinners... would it really be a stretch for her to try and redeem the devil? Would she succeed...?

Woah! I'm cooking up so many interesting dynamics I would love to explore in the future! Too bad I will probably be real busy till next year probably. But by my calculations season 2 would release around that time sooo! >w<

[twilightprince101]

I see a lot of AU's for In Stars and Time revolving around the idea of "what if X character was looping instead of Siffrin" and they are all wonderful. I adore the sight of seeing how exactly they slowly but surely break down over the course of months, maybe even years of repeating the same day and seeing how they contextualize the game's events from their perspective.

But there's one piece of all of these AU's that I wish was included a bit more: their feelings at the very, very start in regards to communication with others.

When Siffrin is told that he can tell his party about the time loop at any time, he immediately dismisses the idea because that is who he is as a person. Extremely caring for others, barely caring for himself. This is arguably the catalyst for the entire story (yes, even compared to WHY the loops started at all).

But how exactly do the other characters deal with that information around the start? How do they initially start the timeloop when told "there's nothing stopping you from asking for help?"

For example: Mirabelle. She already has a LOT on her plate since she's struggling with being "The Chosen." But I feel that being put in the time loop like this would actually be a relief for her. She is quite literally chosen by some sort of deity to try as many times as she wants. She's thankful because she really was chosen by the Change God (hahaha). So maybe at the start she would be more confident, talk with everyone and explain the full situation at the clock tower. "Yes, we did die against the King, but everything is back to how it was. If we work harder, we can make it!" But she would do that, every single time. The same conversation. And she's too wrapped up in that routine that she just focuses on reassuring everyone that things will be okay and saying the exact same words. Mirabelle's catalyst is similar to Siffrin's in that they both care for their friends, but while Siffrin helps fix everyone's problems, Mirabelle helps comfort everyone emotionally and doesn't focus on herself.

Then there's Odile. I feel she would treat the matter objectively, almost like a standard time loop protagonist. The first thing she does is tell everyone about it, finding some way to prove it ("Bonnie got X ingredients, Isabeau never made a wish at the favor tree, etc."). But after a certain point, going through all of those extra steps becomes draining. So she instead focuses on saying the right words which will get everyone else to do certain actions. "If I ask what fruits Boniface is bringing tomorrow then they'll keep that in the front of their mind, which will cause them to eat the pineapple early, eliminating the risk that Siffrin will die of their allergy." But throughout it all, she never factors her own feelings as to why the time loops are happening. That is Odile's catalyst: she is too logical and doesn't acknowledge feelings as part of the equation.

Perhaps later on in the timeloop they would do different things entirely, stop talking to others all together. But this is specifically about everyone's catalyst at the very start, their own version of "Why would you need help? You're in the position to help everyone here." It would likely take longer to happen than Siffrin's, the emotionally repressed gremlin, but the end result would still be the same. It's about self-isolation after all.

I just think it's a fun thing to think about.

[fanfictionismyaddiction]

Crash Course

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

word count: 822

pairing: Lando Norris x driver!reader

summary: Y/n returns to the paddock after recovering from her injuries, and Lando confronts her with his growing feelings

______________________________________________________________

The days following the crash were a blur for Y/n, filled with recovery sessions and endless interviews about the accident. The media buzzed with speculation, talking more about the rivalry between her and Lando than about the championship itself. Everyone wanted to know if the tension between them had reached a breaking point.

But Y/n couldn’t stop thinking about what Lando had said. His confession kept replaying in her mind, stirring something she hadn’t allowed herself to feel before. She kept pushing it aside, trying to focus on her recovery and the upcoming races, but it lingered in the back of her thoughts, persistent and confusing.

A few days later, Y/n was back at the paddock, still moving a little stiffly but determined to show everyone she was ready to race again. She walked through the garage, her team bustling around her, making sure everything was in place for the next practice session.

As she sat down to review some data, she felt a presence behind her before she heard the voice.

“Back so soon?” Lando’s voice was light, but she could hear the edge of concern behind it.

Y/n glanced over her shoulder, seeing him leaning casually against the wall, hands in his pockets. He looked relaxed, but his eyes were studying her closely, as if assessing whether she was really okay.

“Did you expect me to stay away?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “I can’t let you have all the fun, can I?”

Lando smirked, pushing off the wall and walking closer. “Just making sure you’re not pushing yourself too hard.”

“I’m fine,” Y/n insisted, though the slight wince as she shifted in her seat betrayed her.

Lando noticed, his eyes narrowing slightly. “You sure about that?”

Y/n sighed, rolling her eyes. “You sound like my doctor.”

“Maybe I should be,” he teased, but there was an underlying sincerity in his tone. “Look, I just… I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

Y/n paused, the playful banter between them losing its edge. There it was again—that concern, that softness. She wasn’t used to this version of Lando, and it made her feel off-balance.

“Why do you care so much?” she asked quietly, looking up at him.

Lando hesitated, his playful smile fading. He glanced around to make sure no one was within earshot before sitting down on the chair next to hers. “Because I meant what I said, Y/n. After the crash, when you almost collapsed… I realized how much I care. More than I probably should.”

Her heart skipped a beat, the air around them growing thick with tension. “Lando…”

“I know we’re rivals,” he continued, his voice low and serious. “And we’re both fighting for the championship, but… that doesn’t change how I feel.”

Y/n’s pulse quickened, her thoughts racing. This was happening—he was actually saying it, putting into words what had been unspoken between them for so long. She opened her mouth to respond, but no words came out. How could she explain the way she felt, when she wasn’t even sure herself?

Seeing her hesitation, Lando sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Look, I get it. This is complicated. And if you don’t feel the same way, we can forget it—”

“No,” Y/n interrupted, her voice firm. She took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts. “It’s not that. I just… I’ve been so focused on beating you, on proving I’m the best, that I didn’t stop to think about anything else.”

Lando’s eyes softened, a glimmer of hope flickering in his expression. “And now?”

Y/n looked at him, the weight of her feelings settling in her chest. “Now, I’m starting to realize there’s more to this than just the rivalry.”

For a moment, they sat in silence, the noise of the paddock fading into the background as they looked at each other, a silent understanding passing between them. The tension that had always existed between them was still there, but it had changed—shifted into something neither of them had expected.

Lando leaned in slightly, his voice barely above a whisper. “So… what now?”

Y/n swallowed hard, her heart racing. She knew they couldn’t just flip a switch and change everything. They were still competitors, still fighting for the same title. But maybe—just maybe—they could be something more, too.

“I guess we see what happens,” she replied softly, her eyes locking with his.

Lando’s lips curled into a small smile. “I like the sound of that.”

Before they could say anything else, Y/n’s team called her over for a briefing. She stood up, feeling Lando’s eyes on her as she turned to leave. Just before she walked away, she glanced back at him, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

Maybe this wasn’t the end of their rivalry—but it could be the beginning of something else. Something that neither of them had been prepared for, but now seemed impossible to ignore.

[zukosdualdao]

just… the absolute trust between zutara in the finale is unreal. after zuko’s impromptu training attack session, yes, katara is surprised and even somewhat angry as she confronts him, but when she says “you could have hurt aang!” all it reminds me of is the fact that just a few episodes ago, she literally threatened to kill him if he ever gave her a reason to think he might so something to hurt aang. but here, now, even as she’s confronting him, she just… waits for him to explain, and she actually sees and agrees with his point once zuko tells the gaang about ozai’s plan.

there is also the absolutely, 100% synchronized way they fight during the simulated training session, something that calls back to their synchronization and teamwork in the southern raiders, and that inherently shows a lot of trust and understanding between them.

katara is the one who initially asks zuko what they should do after aang disappears. everyone else agrees, but it's katara who trusts him enough to position him, not just to herself but to everyone else, as someone they should listen to because of his history, skill, and experience, especially noteworthy because the reason she gives—“you are sort of the expert at tracking the avatar”—is what used to make him untrustworthy in their eyes. they’ve come such a long way.

then katara notices zuko freeze and sit in front of iroh’s tent, and when she asks if he’s okay, he just… completely trusts her with exactly what he’s feeling, and if he’s even a little worried that what he’s saying might cause her to act derisively, because what he’s referencing here is also what katara was angry and hurt about, he doesn’t show it. he just so completely trusts her with it, and her insistence that iroh will forgive him is born from her own trust of zuko, and she's able to tell him what he needs to hear because she was once in iroh's position and zuko proved his genuine remorse and care to her.

then, of course, we've got zuko not missing a beat as he asks katara to be the one to come with him to confront azula, and her ready acceptance. they make a good team, and they know it.

but when they get there and azula challenges zuko to an agni kai - though she initially has misgivings, katara ultimately trusts zuko when he says he can handle it and understands that he doesn't want her to get hurt if she doesn't have to. (an aspect of zuko's "i can't explain it, but she's slipping" line that i think gets underexamined, btw, is that that's not an inherently good thing for them. yes, maybe that means zuko will be able to take her, particularly because he knows azula and her fighting style well. but someone who is "slipping" is also, in this case, desperate, and more prone to being reckless with people's lives. zuko tries to mitigate that by fighting her alone, but it doesn't work because azula can't follow the terms she sets when she realizes she's losing.)

the lightning scene is a really interesting example of trust as it relates to zuko and katara, because to me, the emphasis there isn't quite so much on zuko and katara trusting each other. there's barely time for katara to think through what will happen to as azula aims for her or wonder what zuko will do, after all, and zuko is probably in too much pain and too out of it to think about katara coming to try to heal him. (though if they did have the time and mental faculties to think it through, i think they would both 120 percent trust the other to help them.)

instead, the emphasis is on the audience trusting the characters. from the moment zuko sees where azula's aiming, he doesn't hesitate, doesn't even think about, just. immediately jumps in front of the lightning before it can reach katara. i've said this before, but as soon as he understood what was happening, there was just no chance of that lightning ever getting to katara and that's the point. we've seen what zuko looks like when he's hesitating or conflicted, and the difference is stark. the show never wants you to question exactly what zuko will do, that he refuses to let katara get heart, that he'll save her.

and for her part, katara immediately runs to try and save zuko despite azula still being around and attacking, and tries again before realizing she needs to defeat azula in order to do so. but the entire scene of katara's defeating her, while obviously heroic and emblematic of katara's power and the culmination of her arc as a girl whose culture and identity was nearly stripped away from her to being a master waterbender, is also framed as katara defeating azula so she can get to zuko. she would have done it anyways, yes, but in this context, right now, she is fighting azula so she can get to zuko to heal him.

here, in the narrative culmination of their arcs together, it shows not just that they trust each other, but asks the audience to not doubt the development of the dynamic that’s been built, to trust that they will take care of each other. and they do.

[convenient-plot-device]

Who wants to hear about my transfem egg reading of Malcolm Reed?

Here are my main points:

Nobody knows anything about him, not even his family. He seemingly has no life outside his job. He just... never seems happy. This could be a result of his identity being wrong, incomplete, a shell. He is insanely repressed.

Poor relationship with his family. His father had certain expectations for him (going into the navy) that he was unable to live up to, and he has this deep-seated insecurity and need to prove himself as a result (the incident with Hayes)

He cannot hold down a romantic relationship; he has had dozens of girlfriends, as seen in Shuttlepod One, and seems to have respected and cared for each one, but none of them worked out. In E2, his alternate universe self dies alone.

He is seemingly always trying to prove his masculinity. He gets into a fight with Hayes because he perceives Hayes as undermining him, and whenever he flirts with alien women in front of men it seems incredibly forced (Two Days and Two Nights)

He is implied to be passively suicidal. He constantly tries to sacrifice himself for the ship.

He has a crush on T'Pol, who is semi-canonically trans herself. This is the only romantic attachment that he has lasting more than a single episode or throwaway line. Could be gender envy.

In Shuttlepod One, he insists on shaving his face while trapped in a tiny metal pod with only one other person, which he explains as wanting to leave behind a presentable corpse. Could be gender dysphoria.

Put this all together, you have a miserable, suicidal man whose identity seems to be completely repressed to the point of almost nonexistence, who couldn't live up to his father's expectations and feels chronically inadequate in his masculinity, who cannot hold down a romantic relationship but has a long-term crush on a transgender woman, and who insists on shaving even when he thinks he's going to die in the void of space and never be found.

That, to me, sounds like someone who is trying to be a man because they don't think they are allowed to be anything else. Someone who grew up to become a family legacy, a Son, rather than a person. Someone who still measures their worth by how well they perform. Someone who, if they did a little soul-searching, might realize that she was never a man at all. Someone who might find joy for the first time in being a woman, not a Son, not an Agent, not an Officer. Just a woman. Estrogen would have saved her, thank you for reading.

[burningcheese-merchant]

Thinking about the Yandere Beasts, Mystic Flour is the one that seems more volatile. She's not only crazily in love but denies it. Which means she might do more to prove it and hurt Dark Cacao more, then maybe feeling guilt and trying to "make it up to him", but then feeling disgusted with herself. It's very complex and crazy and I love the idea.

It can be argued that it's that same denial that, ironically, makes her worse than the others, at least in a sense. I explained in a previous post that Mystic Flour is the only Beast who possesses any self-awareness; she KNOWS she is behaving irrationally, she KNOWS that this is fucked up and downright sick. She despises it all. She despises her friends for allowing this disease to infect their minds and hearts; their words and actions disgust her on a visceral level and she wants nothing to do with any of their shenanigans regarding their respective heroes. She despises Dark Cacao for casting this spell on her; for undoing all of her hard work, for making her take back every single step she took towards enlightenment, for forcibly tethering her to the material world once again and making her feel emotions she'd discarded (or thinks she discarded) ages ago: anger, envy, longing, selfishness, attachment. Dark Cacao has done the unthinkable: he has destroyed her apathy. No longer is she free from those meaningless notions; now she is as trapped and burdened as all those selfish beings she always sought to do away with.

...But she's burdened with self-awareness, unlike the others, and so she knows that, ultimately, this is all her own fault. Thus, Mystic Flour despises herself most of all, for it was she that chose to succumb to these feelings. It was she that chose not to act when Dark Cacao brought this burden upon her (really, he did nothing of the sort. She brought this on herself). It was - is - she, Mystic Flour, that allows herself to love and obsess over this man, this thief, this living affront to her beliefs and ideals. And in a desperate attempt to lighten this burden, she denies its very existence. She denies any attachment to Dark Cacao, even if it's clear as the pale fog that it's real and already unbreakable at this point. She denies it because she honestly cannot think of any other solution to the problem. She clings to what remains of her apathy because she sees no other way out.

...Yet still, in this selfishness of hers, even combined with her denial, she wants him. She longs for his company. For his touch, for his voice, for his handsome face. The Ivory Pagoda feels emptier than ever without him around. She does not seek him out - doing so will only make it worse - but she longs for him nevertheless. She selfishly hates those he cares about, for they take a spot in his heart that she selfishly believes belongs to her. She selfishly desires Dark Cacao in his entirety, only for herself, and no one else ever again. She selfishly places her anger onto others - her friends, Dark Cacao's loved ones, Dark Cacao himself - in a vain attempt at self-soothing. She selfishly wishes she could retaliate against Dark Cacao for all of this nonsense; for this godawful dependency she's developed. Then she shakes her head and chastises herself for this selfishness.

Love, deny love, get angry, seek retribution, regain clarity, feel self-loathing. Then start back over again ad infinitum. It's like a very bizarre cycle of grief, in Yandere Flour's case. And she only ends up succumbing to obsession and madness further with every completed loop.

(Yandere Flour is fun to think about and flesh out haha. thank you for the ask, I enjoyed your thoughts/commentary)

[phoebeegreen3]

Capri Persson (F1) ⸺ 01. BACK ON TRACK

🏎 SUMMARY: What if the best driver of recent years isn't actually him? What if the best driver is actually hiding something else? Would he still be the best? Or just a simple fraud? 📓 GENRE: secret identity / rivals to lovers / he felt first, she felt harder / soulmates / slow burn 📧 WORD COUNT: 3096 📬 PARTS: book one (two parts) / CP9, book two (one part) 🏆 CAPRIPERSSON.MASTERLIST

Bahrain GP, Middle East. March, 2023

The first years are always a mess, no matter how well your career has gone. People will try to prove that you don't have what it takes to be among the top 20. They'll do whatever it takes to weaken you, even if it means bombarding you with hundreds of cameras as if you were Britney Spears herself. The difference is, I was more like Hannah Montana.

People did everything they could to test how much you could endure, what you were capable of, how far they could push. When I came out of my first F1 race to check in with the other drivers, I had agreed with the FIA and my team on everything necessary to never have to take off my helmet, for any reason. And yet, the officials weighing us started an argument with Jean, insisting that I had to remove my helmet even if the FIA allowed me to keep it on, since they could subtract the weight of the helmet, considering that the rest of the drivers were still holding theirs while stepping on the scale.

A lot was said. They pressured the other drivers to speak badly about me, conspiring with the press. They left them on the edge of a cliff in a dirty and unpleasant game that only media people could scheme up. I ended up being Rookie of the Year and winning Action of the Year for the overtake I made on Albon in the last lap of the Abu Dhabi GP at the FIA awards during my first year. Clearly, I didn't go to collect the trophies. Partly for obvious identity reasons, and secondly, as a protest against how badly the FIA handled my first year, despite our agreement. In my second year, I won Action of the Year again for a move on Leclerc in Monza. And by the third year, I was already a runner-up—but that's another story, probably the worst of my career.

Being a runner-up is even worse than not scoring a single point all season. In fact, there was an episode in the Netflix series that went to great lengths to explain that event. They titled it "No Victory", and I replayed it eighteen times during the winter break so that when I returned to Abu Dhabi this year, I would understand what would happen if I lost again.

Runner-up felt like a joke when I crashed my car on the last lap, just moments away from winning. I just wanted to collect the trophy so I could go home and smash it against the floor. It would have been different if I hadn't scored any points, if my car had caught fire, if something else had happened. But instead, I sat on the couch in my apartment, watching the FIA hand Max that trophy for the second year in a row.

And since then, I haven't stopped replaying it in my head—until now. First race of the 2023 season. Capri Persson is ready to win. Capri Persson will win. That's what sets him apart from the rest.

I could no longer allow myself to trail behind Verstappen and Red Bull. Not anymore.

"Capri?" Jean called from the other side of the door, knocking twice as a warning before stepping in. That pulled me completely out of my thoughts. "Alright," she sighed. I stood up in my suit, my helmet resting on a table in the corner of the workshop room. "Ready?"

"What if I don't make it?" I whispered, consumed by my worry.

"No, no, no," Jean immediately shook her head, stepping closer to me. "Don't say that. Don't even think about it."

"Jean..."

"Look at me." She held my jaw in her hand, tilting my face so I was looking straight at her. "You're going to go out there, you're going to race, and you're going to thrive because you're the damn Capri Fucking Persson. Do you hear me?"

"Yes..." I mumbled.

"I can't hear you. What was that? A little bird chirping?" she exaggerated her motivational speech. "Did you hear me?!" she raised her voice, trying to hype me up aggressively, but I hid my laughter and raised my voice.

"Yes, Jean!" I shouted firmly, and she smiled, satisfied.

"You're already on the ground, Capri. There's nowhere lower to fall. The only thing left is to get up." She winked, placing a hand on my arm. "I know you only see bad things ahead because you feel surrounded by them... but why don't we look at the good opportunities that could come out of this instead?" I sighed at her words. "Instead of asking yourself, 'What if it doesn't happen?' ask yourself, 'What will I do if it does?'"

Go home and train for the next one. That's how things were, how it had always been, and how it always will be.

Winning is great, but nobody ever tells you what happens when you don't. Everything that comes with mourning what you thought you had in the palm of your hand.

Shit.

I could have been champion if it weren't for that mistake on the last corner—THE LAST! I should have lifted Verstappen's trophy, I should have taken that recognition. But I crashed. I got out and saw my car wrecked against the wall while the rest of the competitors drove past me.

While the world spent the winter break talking about Capri Persson's defeat, I was mourning the fact that what I had longed for hadn't happened. I had to carry the grief of that emptiness I felt when I turned on the TV to watch the FIA awards, where I had already imagined myself receiving the trophy and showing the world who Capri Persson really was.

When things don't happen, the focus is on getting back up and trying again. But no one ever tells you how to handle the pain of watching life go on, just not how you wanted it to.

Jean helped me with my helmet, and we left the room, entering the garage to see the new AlphaTauri car I had tested during the break. Nyck was talking to the mechanics, getting ready to step into his car when he saw me arrive. With a small nod in his direction, I greeted him briefly, and he smiled tightly, a little uneasy. It was no surprise how difficult it was for the rest of the drivers to share a space with Capri Persson.

Pierre Gasly had been my first teammate, and even though I knew he wouldn't always be, I think I had grown fond of the idea of seeing him in the garage often, testing cars together in the off-season. We never really talked, but I always had the idea that, after all, he could be the first to know the truth about Capri Persson—mainly because he had been my teammate since I started. But Pierre announced he was leaving AlphaTauri for the 2023 season, meaning I had to change teammates.

Nyck hadn't been too bad—decent, overall. He neither got in the way nor stood out too much, which worked. But it was clear he had an exaggerated respect, almost bordering on fear, for his teammate. That meant I had to get used to having him on track in a very different way than I was used to with Pierre.

2023 meant a big fresh start. A complete reset.

New teammate, new car, new reputation. New season.

We all got into our cars for the free practice lap, and at that moment, I knew that keeping my foot on the accelerator was like planting a great garden. Keeping my foot down meant believing in tomorrow; it meant still having faith that one day, what Turn 16 on the last lap in Abu Dhabi had taken from me would finally be mine.

It was just me, this single-seater, and John, my engineer, whom I could silence if I wanted to. So I gripped the steering wheel tightly, took a deep breath, and watched the lights change.

The circuit starts with a straight, followed by a tight right-hand turn that connects to a wider left-hand turn. Exiting that corner, you accelerate fully, avoiding the outer curb and keeping the car centered on the track to slightly attack the next apex. I had to keep the wheel straight for a fraction of a second and then change direction to the left while still accelerating and shifting gears. The next small right-hand bend is practically straight, but it's crucial to position yourself on the outside at the exit to attack the next corner. Verstappen was leading, for obvious reasons, followed by Charles, Lewis, George, Lando, and me. Sixth place.

There was a theory about qualifying in P6. Jean called it "the devil's position theory," and although I wasn't convinced, I couldn't deny that it never failed. Starting the first race of the season in "the devil's position" meant a guaranteed podium—unless the tradition changed this season or betrayed me.

"Tell me I'm wrong," Jean had said, sitting in my team's hospitality café during the French GP last season. "You started sixth this year in Australia, Miami, Spain, Canada, and Silverstone. And guess what..."

"I don't need to guess."

"Exactly!" she exclaimed, lowering her voice when she realized she had spoken too loudly. "You won every single one of those GPs in a way that was torturous for the other drivers. France won't be an exception. Six is the devil's number."

"Actually, it's 666."

"Oh, come on," she looked at me in frustration. "The devil's position is already a fact. You can't deny it."

And she was right. France confirmed it, and then Monza did too. I couldn't deny it, so now I was expecting the same.

"Turn 10 in less than two seconds, Capri. I'll let you know when you can activate DRS," John notified me over the radio. Just as I was ready to take the corner, Carlos made one of the worst overtaking maneuvers I had ever seen.

"What the hell did he just do?" I asked. "Someone give that idiot an extra prize from me for ignoring every other driver so spectacularly while passing. I want to hear you all applaud when I smash his nose against the steering wheel," I spat, completely lost in my anger. John burst out laughing—I knew deep down he was grateful that my radio messages couldn't be shared with anyone else. It was just me and John, though sometimes Franz chimed in too.

"Copy that. But I'm going to ask you to calm down; you can pass him with DRS."

"I know, I know," I muttered. "I can pass him with my eyes closed. Want me to try?" I teased.

"Focus, Capri," John scolded.

I passed Carlos before the next corner, and I think I even heard him curse. The long curve leading into a fast, sweeping left-hander gave me the chance to overtake Lewis for fourth place and steal third from Russell on lap 43/57. I was doing well—I was making it happen.

"Capri, push. If you keep it up, you have a guaranteed podium," John said over the radio.

I didn't want a guaranteed third place. Who the hell did he think I was?

I wasn't going to maintain the pace—it wasn't about that.

"A guaranteed podium?" I laughed. "John, I started in 'the devil's position.' Of course, I have the podium secured."

"Capri, don't push the engine too hard. This is just the first GP; you should—"

"Goodbye, John. Should I call you when I win?" I grinned, though I knew he didn't fully appreciate it.

If there was something I loved on the track, it was knowing what each driver was willing to give in the competition. I believe years of experience mean nothing in relation to the car, which changes every season. Instead, experience matters when it comes to learning how to read the races of others. When you know each driver's blind spots, how they think, what they do—that's when you win. And this season, I was willing to do everything to build that knowledge.

You have to know whether they feel the car or just think about strategy. Or, on the contrary, if they have a perfect and absolutely necessary balance. If they did, they were great drivers. If not, they failed. The balance between feeling the car and thinking about your next move while knowing everything could change drastically in an instant—that was probably the key to driving an F1 car.

That was my formula. Know your competitors and find the balance between reason and instinct.

"Capri, box. We need to box," John notified me, his voice urgent over the radio.

"No, we don't, John. Not on the penultimate lap, and not when I just passed Leclerc for second place."

"Persson, I'm sorry."

"No, John. I'm even more sorry. I'm not pitting—I won't start the season on the wrong foot," I shouted, caught between anger and exhaustion.

"Capri Per—" I heard Franz jump in immediately, and my first instinct was to turn off the radio. I knew this would cost me, but it wouldn't be so bad if I got first place at the end of the day.

Max was ahead. And I felt like we had some unfinished business. Starting the season by taking him out of the lead would be the best way to boost my confidence. But Charles was on my heels, and that was driving me crazy.

"Verstappen is losing power. You need to overtake." said John five seconds after I turned the radio again.

"Is this a joke?" I felt deeply disappointed.

"This is your chance, Capri. Max won't be able to fight back. Pass him!"

I frowned. How was this possible?

"Come on, accelerate," I thought bitterly as I looked at the Red Bull car. My front wheels were approaching his rear ones, and all I wanted was for him to speed up. I wasn't going to win just because he couldn't accelerate. I wasn't going to win because he lost. I was going to win because I beat him fair and square. "Come on, come on, come on," I muttered, and suddenly, I was leading the race. Even Charles had passed him.

"That's it, Capri! You're leading! Keep pushing!" John shouted excitedly. Reaching the finish line, I could see the entire AlphaTauri team climbing the fence, cheering for me.

The checkered flag waved over me, but I said nothing. Reluctantly, I raised my hand to the crowd as if everything was fine—but it wasn't.

The good thing about always having a helmet covering my face was that I didn't have to fake a smile, a grimace, or anything. I just had to raise my hands, wave, and pretend everything was fine—just with my hands.

I parked the car and got out, moving confidently and greeting the roaring crowd. I saw signs with my name, team colors, and the iconic white AlphaTauri helmet. I watched Leclerc arrive in red and Verstappen pull up behind him, getting out in frustration.

"Great race, brother. Congrats," Charles said, fist-bumping me, which I returned. Max turned away and headed straight for the garage.

I watched him, thinking how ridiculous it felt to win almost by default because your rival had a failure. That's not winning—that's surviving. And I wasn't fully satisfied with that.

The team was waiting for me to celebrate, so I did everything I was supposed to do—act like the man of the grid.

If there's one thing I have to highlight, it's the feeling that filled me when I had to act like the man as soon as I won my first F1 race. It's strange, but in the small details, you deeply know that a woman would never be allowed to celebrate like that—because of the comments, the opinions, everything. It feels terrible, but... I couldn't deny that, in a way, it was amazing to enjoy the good parts of all this. Though I don't know how long it will last.

"You have to go to the cooldown room," Jean said, licking her lips uncomfortably.

"What?" I replied in sign language, frowning even though she couldn't see me.

"They demanded that you have to go to the cooldown room this time. Let's not make things more difficult."

"Difficult? Who the hell said that, Jean? What exactly am I supposed to do there with my helmet on?" I keep moving my hands angry and aggressively offended.

"Just go and show them it's pointless, that there's a reason we never did it. Go" she ordered, and with nothing more to say, I followed her instructions.

The team accompanied me to the cooldown room, and as soon as I entered, still with my helmet on, everyone went silent. The camera pointed straight at me as if it could pierce through my visor, and I stepped onto the device that would measure my weight. Max and Charles kept murmuring while watching my back.

I sat in one of the chairs and felt the drops of sweat tickling my face. The areas where the helmet pressed against me felt hotter than usual, and I could feel every bit of its texture. I was supposed to take it off like the rest of my teammates, drink water, put on the Pirelli cap, talk about the race, and watch the screen.

I simply sat there, staring at a fixed point through my visor, thinking about how disappointing the start of the season had been. Yes, the mark said that I won that race, but no for me. I didn't win, he gave up. It's different, and painful to start like this.

"Piastri is pretty good, don't you think, Persson?" Max asked, turning to me. Charles took a sip from his bottle, visibly uncomfortable.

"Yes, he's very good," I answered curtly with my hands, and both of them went silent, discreetly glancing around to see if anyone had understood what I had said in sign language.

It was my first time in a cooldown room. It had been discontinued in 2020, and in 2021 and 2022, the FIA agreed that, for obvious reasons, it was better to handle things like the rest of the drivers outside the podium. I didn't know what had changed now, but if this was good for anything, it was for thinking about the statement I had to write before leaving the paddock. Since I don't give interviews, the federation required me to write a statement after each race, answering certain questions and discussing the event. It was a good moment for me—while the others were doing live interviews, I had no pressure inside the motorhome, typing away on my computer.

But now, I just hoped things wouldn't keep changing like they just had.

NEXT: 02. I DON'T WANNA TALK

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