#her because she's like trying to prove a point about herself. will explain this when im less tired and suicidal so.

[elisirs]

i hated meakashi hen because it hit close to home.

[pupyuj]

Need ur thoughts on baby daddy ive unnies 😊

since i’ve already covered jiwon and yujin before i’m only gonna do gaeul, rei, and wony here! 💕💕

[cw: pregnancy, lactation kink]

gaeul would be the sweetest baby daddy ever :(( i like the idea of the two of you being a long term couple who everybody always assumes that are married but actually aren’t 😭 and naturally gaeul would want a kid with you but due to thinking that you might not want one yet or ever, she ends up just staying quiet about it until you bring it up, in which her eyes literally light up as soon as you say “i’d love to have your baby” one night during a heart to heart 🥺🥺 after that talk, the two of you would then try to get pregnant every time you fuck! there’d be a different kind of hunger in gaeul’s eyes every time she’s on top of you—she fucks you in a way that feels good for you and her and to top it all off, she’s making sure not to waste a drop of her cum 😵‍💫 promises you so many sweet things in your ear after every thrust 🥺 things such as: “i’m gonna give you however many of my babies you want” and even taunting you almost?? “you want that, hm? you wanna be a mommy, my love??” 🤤💕 of course countless nights spent fucking and being a nightmare for your neighbours results in you having a perfectly healthy child in your belly months later 💞 now ik ya’ll were expecting something nasty and allat but gaeul is just . the angel ever so this was mostly just soft hours 😭

rei and her baby daddy moment would come as a welcome surprise methinks 🤓 getting you pregnant was neither planned nor unplanned 😭 yes, she frequently daydreamed about starting a family with her one true love but she wasn’t actively trying to knock you up every time you fucked! in fact, reibear is very careful and strict when it came to protection bcs the last thing she wanted to do was give you a baby you didn’t ask for 💀 so she was shocked in the best way when you gave her the big news with the happiest look on your face 🥺💞 rei would hug you, spin you around, then jump about the room with you before stopping abruptly to ask you if you really are happy with all of this and when you answer “yes” (bcs of course!!), she would jump around with you again 😭😭 ah, rei would be so happy that she’d just pick you up, put you on top of her desk, and give you the best head she’s ever given you in all your years of dating 🥰 and she’d honestly have an obsession with eating you out throughout your pregnancy and it is not just because she’s addicted to your taste! there’d be this whole misunderstanding where you’d start thinking that maybe rei was starting to get the ick seeing your stomach get bigger as her child grows inside you when really she’s… scared to do anything else 💀 hell, you’d even catch rei jerking herself off alone in your shared bedroom and she’d explain that she’d just been afraid to fuck you properly bcs she didn’t want to potentially hurt you and the kid ☹️

ofc you’d reassure rei with both words annnnd… riding her reverse cowgirl style and proving that you can be safe having sex while pregnant! 💕 and now onto actual baby daddy stuff; rei takes it all very seriously to the point where it’s so endearing 😭💘 she’s always on high alert when it comes to your needs and there’s never a moment where she’s far away enough to not immediately be there when you need her, such a sweet girl 🥺☹️ she’s giving your baby bump kisses, caressing it, staring lovingly at you while you take a nap in her arms… SHE’S JUST A WONDERFUL MOMMY UEUEUE 💔💔

wonyoung acts like a kid who has just been given a new toy when you drop the news on her head in the middle of a lovely friday afternoon after coming home from a doctor to confirm that yes, you are in fact pregnant with jang wonyoung’s child! and when i tell ya’ll she’s locked tf IN throughout your entire pregnancy.. 😭 actually leaves work to always be in the house and take care of you, never ever leaves your side, actually loses her mind when you so much as trip on air or get a paper cut, and is clingy and overprotective to the point it’s kinda annoying?? 😭 like you would actually have to sit her down and tell her to not stress about you and the kid bcs she’s already doing so much for the two of you 🥺 ofc she’d calm down then and be a bit more tame around you! 😭💞 ugh, wonyoung would be so sweet… constantly talking to your stomach in this baby voice and getting so happy when she puts her hand on it and feel your baby kick 🥺🥺 seeing you so happy carrying her child just makes her want to make more! and this is where her clinginess became rlly adorable bcs she’d just stare at you with shining eyes and a lil pout… you’d think she’s just being cute for no reason but nopeee~ let your eyes wander down a bit further and you’ll her cock fighting against the fabric of her jean shorts 🤤☺️

wonyoung would absolutely not let you do anything that requires you to do too much so she would actually have you sat on the couch while she’s standing up with her dick all hard and up in your face 😵‍💫 and even though you’re only using your hands and mouth on her, wonyoung is still asking you if you’re doing okay, praising you endlessly, and rewarding your hard work with the loveliest of moans, whines, and the softest hair pulling 🥰 cums all over your face, neck, chest area, and your tits… the sight of her seed dripping down your breasts just gives wonyoung the idea of her newest obsession! wonyoung + lactation kink is just a match made in heaven okay?? it’s impossible to not picture her just getting absolutely turned on at the idea of getting a taste of your breast milk and then actually going ahead to do exactly that when you decide to entertain her fantasy 🤤🤤 and she cums in her underwear while she does it. oops 🤭

[zukosdualdao]

just… the absolute trust between zutara in the finale is unreal. after zuko’s impromptu training attack session, yes, katara is surprised and even somewhat angry as she confronts him, but when she says “you could have hurt aang!” all it reminds me of is the fact that just a few episodes ago, she literally threatened to kill him if he ever gave her a reason to think he might so something to hurt aang. but here, now, even as she’s confronting him, she just… waits for him to explain, and she actually sees and agrees with his point once zuko tells the gaang about ozai’s plan.

there is also the absolutely, 100% synchronized way they fight during the simulated training session, something that calls back to their synchronization and teamwork in the southern raiders, and that inherently shows a lot of trust and understanding between them.

katara is the one who initially asks zuko what they should do after aang disappears. everyone else agrees, but it's katara who trusts him enough to position him, not just to herself but to everyone else, as someone they should listen to because of his history, skill, and experience, especially noteworthy because the reason she gives—“you are sort of the expert at tracking the avatar”—is what used to make him untrustworthy in their eyes. they’ve come such a long way.

then katara notices zuko freeze and sit in front of iroh’s tent, and when she asks if he’s okay, he just… completely trusts her with exactly what he’s feeling, and if he’s even a little worried that what he’s saying might cause her to act derisively, because what he’s referencing here is also what katara was angry and hurt about, he doesn’t show it. he just so completely trusts her with it, and her insistence that iroh will forgive him is born from her own trust of zuko, and she's able to tell him what he needs to hear because she was once in iroh's position and zuko proved his genuine remorse and care to her.

then, of course, we've got zuko not missing a beat as he asks katara to be the one to come with him to confront azula, and her ready acceptance. they make a good team, and they know it.

but when they get there and azula challenges zuko to an agni kai - though she initially has misgivings, katara ultimately trusts zuko when he says he can handle it and understands that he doesn't want her to get hurt if she doesn't have to. (an aspect of zuko's "i can't explain it, but she's slipping" line that i think gets underexamined, btw, is that that's not an inherently good thing for them. yes, maybe that means zuko will be able to take her, particularly because he knows azula and her fighting style well. but someone who is "slipping" is also, in this case, desperate, and more prone to being reckless with people's lives. zuko tries to mitigate that by fighting her alone, but it doesn't work because azula can't follow the terms she sets when she realizes she's losing.)

the lightning scene is a really interesting example of trust as it relates to zuko and katara, because to me, the emphasis there isn't quite so much on zuko and katara trusting each other. there's barely time for katara to think through what will happen to as azula aims for her or wonder what zuko will do, after all, and zuko is probably in too much pain and too out of it to think about katara coming to try to heal him. (though if they did have the time and mental faculties to think it through, i think they would both 120 percent trust the other to help them.)

instead, the emphasis is on the audience trusting the characters. from the moment zuko sees where azula's aiming, he doesn't hesitate, doesn't even think about, just. immediately jumps in front of the lightning before it can reach katara. i've said this before, but as soon as he understood what was happening, there was just no chance of that lightning ever getting to katara and that's the point. we've seen what zuko looks like when he's hesitating or conflicted, and the difference is stark. the show never wants you to question exactly what zuko will do, that he refuses to let katara get heart, that he'll save her.

and for her part, katara immediately runs to try and save zuko despite azula still being around and attacking, and tries again before realizing she needs to defeat azula in order to do so. but the entire scene of katara's defeating her, while obviously heroic and emblematic of katara's power and the culmination of her arc as a girl whose culture and identity was nearly stripped away from her to being a master waterbender, is also framed as katara defeating azula so she can get to zuko. she would have done it anyways, yes, but in this context, right now, she is fighting azula so she can get to zuko to heal him.

here, in the narrative culmination of their arcs together, it shows not just that they trust each other, but asks the audience to not doubt the development of the dynamic that’s been built, to trust that they will take care of each other. and they do.

[twilightprince101]

I see a lot of AU's for In Stars and Time revolving around the idea of "what if X character was looping instead of Siffrin" and they are all wonderful. I adore the sight of seeing how exactly they slowly but surely break down over the course of months, maybe even years of repeating the same day and seeing how they contextualize the game's events from their perspective.

But there's one piece of all of these AU's that I wish was included a bit more: their feelings at the very, very start in regards to communication with others.

When Siffrin is told that he can tell his party about the time loop at any time, he immediately dismisses the idea because that is who he is as a person. Extremely caring for others, barely caring for himself. This is arguably the catalyst for the entire story (yes, even compared to WHY the loops started at all).

But how exactly do the other characters deal with that information around the start? How do they initially start the timeloop when told "there's nothing stopping you from asking for help?"

For example: Mirabelle. She already has a LOT on her plate since she's struggling with being "The Chosen." But I feel that being put in the time loop like this would actually be a relief for her. She is quite literally chosen by some sort of deity to try as many times as she wants. She's thankful because she really was chosen by the Change God (hahaha). So maybe at the start she would be more confident, talk with everyone and explain the full situation at the clock tower. "Yes, we did die against the King, but everything is back to how it was. If we work harder, we can make it!" But she would do that, every single time. The same conversation. And she's too wrapped up in that routine that she just focuses on reassuring everyone that things will be okay and saying the exact same words. Mirabelle's catalyst is similar to Siffrin's in that they both care for their friends, but while Siffrin helps fix everyone's problems, Mirabelle helps comfort everyone emotionally and doesn't focus on herself.

Then there's Odile. I feel she would treat the matter objectively, almost like a standard time loop protagonist. The first thing she does is tell everyone about it, finding some way to prove it ("Bonnie got X ingredients, Isabeau never made a wish at the favor tree, etc."). But after a certain point, going through all of those extra steps becomes draining. So she instead focuses on saying the right words which will get everyone else to do certain actions. "If I ask what fruits Boniface is bringing tomorrow then they'll keep that in the front of their mind, which will cause them to eat the pineapple early, eliminating the risk that Siffrin will die of their allergy." But throughout it all, she never factors her own feelings as to why the time loops are happening. That is Odile's catalyst: she is too logical and doesn't acknowledge feelings as part of the equation.

Perhaps later on in the timeloop they would do different things entirely, stop talking to others all together. But this is specifically about everyone's catalyst at the very start, their own version of "Why would you need help? You're in the position to help everyone here." It would likely take longer to happen than Siffrin's, the emotionally repressed gremlin, but the end result would still be the same. It's about self-isolation after all.

I just think it's a fun thing to think about.

[stonegoldsxcrxt]

Ah, Star Wars fans. Once again perpetuating the Draco in Leather Pants trope to the point where we're all sick of it. Do I have to beat someone with the 'He's-Supposed-To-Be-Evil' Stick or something?

yeah. the acolyte itself as a show is straddling a line right now that, I'm sorry, I kind of don't think the Star Wars fandom at large is media literate enough to understand.

I've already seen a number of tiktoks and tumblr posts saying, "omg now I understand reylos," which besides being exhausting and annoying, immediately proves my point. There's obviously some differences between reylo and whatever osha/qimir is called within both production and the narrative, but overall what I'm baffled by every. single. time. is how weirdly everyone in the star wars fandom reacts to an attractive male villain blatantly manipulating a young woman.

I think the acolyte is clearly aiming for us to see and understand that Qimir is manipulating Osha. We know Qimir is clever. We saw him successfully worm his way out of being caught by the Jedi by playing up the "quirky sidekick" shtick. What I don't think a lot of the audience picks up on is just how smart he is. During one of his and Osha's conversations, he lets her suggest things and make assumptions, ie:

Osha: Where’d you get that scar?

Qimir: How do you think I got it?

Osha: Looks like someone stabbed you in the back.

Qimir: Someone who threw me away.

Osha: Your Jedi Master?

And then he doesn't correct her or elaborate. He lets her assume the worst. He lets her imagination wander. He's not interested in explaining because he knows the real story, whatever it may be, doesn't make him look as favorable as her idea. It's exchanges like that that are subtle examples of his manipulation, less obvious than the outright goading he uses against her when he gets her to admit she thinks of herself as a failure and that's why she left the Jedi.

There's also the earlier exchange:

Osha: He’s found me before, and his strength in the Force is very powerful.

Qimir: You think that’s his strength? That’s your strength in the Force, Osha. Someone ought to teach you that.

To a lot of people, that sounds like a compliment. But it isn't. Qimir makes a statement vague enough that successfully implies the Jedi have been lying to Osha about her own strength in the Force while also keeping just enough information to himself that he knows Osha will stick around to find out what he meant, instead of swimming to the ship he points out to her right after. And she does exactly that, continues to follow and engage in argument and conversation with him.

In fact, Qimir knows the more Osha talks to him, the more Osha even entertains the idea of talking to him instead of leaving, the more he can get inside her head. His naked swimming jaunt isn't him flaunting or showing off for Osha in some genuinely romantic way– it's yet another manipulation tactic. Though, if she is seduced, that helps him too.

Qimir purposefully makes himself into a vulnerable state in front of her to lull her into a false sense of security. He leaves his weapon with his clothes so she has the opportunity to take it; he is signalling to her that he is "completely" disarmed, though that is not true, since we know he is far stronger in the Force and in combat, and, perhaps, more cunning than Osha. His nudity forces Osha to acknowledge he is human, and Qimir benefits from Osha thinking of him as just a quirky, charming loner who's the victim of the Jedi, who offers her soup and disrobes in front of her.

The reason I know that none of this is genuine is simple. He goes back and forth between flat out acting as if he pities Osha ("Why do you love people who can only go so far?") but that doesn't get him the reaction he's looking for, so he bounces back to antagonizing her ("Why aren’t you a Jedi, Osha?) to finally, convincing her that she is similar to him ("I understand.") None of these things are actually Qimir trying to get to know Osha. Sure, he needs to understand her to manipulate her, but he'd do or say anything to get her to stick around and allow him to corrupt her further.

to me, Qimir is kind of the Star Wars equivalent to like a mimic species in the animal world. He's smart enough to know that in order to get what he wants, he has to act a certain way that isn't necessarily his real personality, and he can exploit Osha's (and anyone else's, for that matter) feelings by molding his personality and actions to achieve his goals so his victims are less likely to notice that he's using them.

The problem is that a big portion of the audience doesn't appear to recognize it, either. We know the rules of the Star Wars universe very well by now. Force Users this deep in the Dark Side cannot actually love someone. Sure, they can be obsessed with someone, but they cannot actually reciprocate feelings as the Dark Side corrupts them.

I've come to the conclusion that the majority of people watching Star Wars are not watching with the intention of picking up on any of this, despite the fact that the acolyte is actually doing it quite masterfully. They are paying attention to Manny Jacinto's muscles, and little else. You cannot argue or convince people who do not want to listen. They did not want to listen in 2017, when the reddest of red flags "You're nothing, but not to me," line was delivered, which had all the subtlety of being hit over the head with an anvil, and they are not listening now. If people are able to be gaslit by Kylo Ren into believing his victim card was validated, they will certainly and inevitably be gaslit by Qimir, who, so far, is much more cunning.

the acolyte even *plans* for this though, deliberately and suddenly cutting to the scene of Jecki's lifeless body, reminding the audience that Qimir is not the quirky, charming, harmless loner who he presents himself to be, but actually a man who we know to be capable of unspeakable acts of violence towards even children. at this point, I can't actually see any reason why the fandom continues to act like he is in love with Osha in any kind of genuine manner when it's so mind-blowingly obvious that he is male manipulator #1.

I think does a huge disservice to the story the acolyte seems to be trying to present at this point to be so blind with lust or whatever it is the fandom feels towards this guy that his own tactics have begun to work on them. it's actually so incredible that it makes me a bit ill. they may find him hot all they want, but for the love of Leia Organa's Star Wars at least recognize his tactics for what they are instead of also allowing yourself to be fooled!!

[chaniceroses]

Bad Boys Ride or Die (Armando x Reader) PART SEVEN

The sun is barely out now while the darkness is slowly covering the sky. You’re seeing shadows within the woods, making the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. It’s getting cold and you’re probably about a mile away from where Mike, Marcus and Armando were. You’re starting to regret walking away from them but what else were you supposed to do. Sit around and let McGrath find you since that’s what he’s been doing.

So you kept walking until you heard a soft sound of wood snapping which made you turn around. You couldn’t really see so you just stared into the abyss. Someone was most definitely there, the thought of it maybe being McGrath crossed your mind.

“Reveal yourself, I don’t have time for the games.”, you sighed trying to see past the trees. At this point the sun was completely gone and the moon was shining. Allowing you to see a tall dark figure move from behind the tree. You watched as the person started taking small steps towards you, it was Armando. Turning back around, you started to walk again when you noticed that the sound of branches and leaves started happening rapidly. He was running towards you so you started running too. Now we can play his games. You ran as fast as you could to get away from him, making random turns to confuse him. 

“Y/n! Stop!”He screamed while chasing you but you kept running. You tried picking up speed but were too tired so you stopped.

“Armando, have you been following me the whole fucking time.”, you asked,looking at him as he is also out of breath while walking up to you. You knew he was but wanted to play dumb, it was better that way.

“Y/n,you’re a smart girl, you knew that I was.”, he responded back pointing at you. You didn’t like how easy he could read you. How he knows you so well without really knowing you.

“Why won’t you just leave me alone man. I don’t need you.”, you knew that was a lie but it was better to say that then have Armando and the others involved in your mess when the whole purpose with us being out here is to prove Howard’s innocence.

He looked down at you, although you couldn’t entirely see his face, his eyes nearly glowed in the dark. “I don’t make promises at all because things always happen but you can trust me. Even if I don’t like you. I wouldn’t want my…a woman out here by herself. No matter what kind of “killer” I am.”, he explained, going off. He was mad and you could tell. His eyebrows were now caved in and you could tell that his breathing had picked up in speed.

You looked down and grabbed his hand and caressed his forearm. You weren’t sure whether to trust him or not, but you had no choice. You knew it would be a death sentence if you went to McGrath by yourself. You turned to look to the side and saw how you guys were overpowered by darkness, so you accepted your loss.

ARMANDO’S    POV

I watched as she looked around while rubbing my arm. Her hands were soft and her touch was making my friend smile. I could tell that she didn’t want to go back but honestly, she had no choice. I wouldn’t have allowed her to walk out here by herself, I would be a fool. 

“Come back with me, please.”, I begged. Me…Armando…Begging, this is new. 

She turned around and was now looking up at me. Her skin was as smooth as the night time, while her eyes twinkled. Damn, she’s sexy and the way she stares. I would love to see her staring at me from a different position.

“Focus.”, I whispered to myself. I watched as her facial expression changed from being worried to now being confused. Think of something.

“You..need to focus.”, I added, trying to come up with something. I watched as she shook her head in agreement.

“Well, show me the way.”, she replied, letting go of my arms and folding hers. I turned around and started heading towards  the direction that we came from. 

“Do you remember the way?”, she asked following behind me. Honestly, I didn’t but I also know that if Marcus and Mike did what they were supposed to do. We should be seeing a small fire from a distance.

“Yeah so come hold my hand so you won’t get lost.”, I commanded, handing my hand out behind me for her to grab. I was afraid that she would be hesitant to do so and for a second, all I could feel was air going in between my fingers. However once she connected her hands with mine, I could feel the warmth from our bodies connecting. It made me feel odd, a feeling I've never felt before. 

After a couple turns and a couple minutes of running, I spotted Marcus and Mike near the fire that I told them to make. We eventually met up with them and were greeted by the sounds of the woods. Not a single word was said. We both sat down, Y/n and I on one log and Marcus and Mike on the other. We could see each other clearly now due to the fire blooming out.

“So you’ve come back.”, Mike whispered looking at y/n across the fire. 

I watched as Marcus turned at Mike and whispered something to him. Y/n just stared. I wasn’t sure if she was looking at Mike or looking at the fire that was right in front of him. All I know is that she wasn’t here.

“Yeah, so what?”, she answered, still keeping her eyes at whatever she was looking at.

“What the hell is going on?!”Mike yelled, standing up while looking at every person.

“Calm down!”I yelled back. I didn’t like how he was talking to her. We all go through shit and lose people but he was attacking her for no reason.

“Seriously, this isn’t needed right now but Armando and y/n we do need answers.”, Marcus added, looking at Mike and then at y/n and I.

I turned to look at y/n, I didn’t know as much as they think I do. I wanted answers also and even personal questions to ask.

“Okay.”, she whispered looking up at Mike and then Marcus. “I say this one time and one time only with no disrespect added because I’ll be damned.”, she continued pointing at Mike and then at the log underneath him

  I watched as Mike sat down. I could tell she was sick of Mike shit because I was too. I watched as she moved her eyes to look off into the abyss within the woods, maybe trying to figure out what to say.

“My name is Y/N Smith. However, when I was undercover while working with the Cartel, I was known as Rose and was extremely close with everyone that did business within it. So I made sure that only the heads would know what I looked liked and that no one knew my real name. ”, she explained, looking at us. 

“You’re Rose…Rose Gonzalez? How did you keep your identity a secret for so long?”Mike asked, looking at her and then at me.

“Wait…you worked with my mom?”I asked, turning to look at her. At this point we were all searching for answers.  

“ I stayed hidden because I killed anyone who wasn't supposed to see me or would tell. So I guess you could say I have a lot of blood on my hands.”, she whispered, turning her hands around to look at her palms.

“I knew that you were undercover Mike because I had worked with you. We just had never met. Same with you, Armando.”, she answered, turning to look at me. I could see regret fill her eyes, what else was she holding back?

“The operation that Mike was working on, blew up in my face at the wrong time. So I had to actually become a boss in order for my identity not to be revealed because they were killing their own people to figure out who was undercover.”

“I remember that happening…someone was talking to me on the phone while I did it.”, I replied, reminiscing about it. My mind started playing back to that night, I was on the phone with a woman and she was calling all of the shots and was paying me heavy money for it.

“So, that was you that night?”I asked, keeping my attention on her. I could tell she was becoming uncomfortable with talking about her past, maybe this is why she’s been all over the place.

“This is starting to make sense but…how does this correlate with you and McGrath and Howard? How did you know him?"Mike interrogated, scratching the back of his head.

" I met your mom while she was in prison, a little before we helped her get out and with McGrath... He came up to me and introduced himself to me. At first, I was afraid, thinking it could be a set up with how deep I had gotten to my role but after a while of seeing him, I became drawn towards him. That deep harsh voice that he has, kind of like yours Armando besides the accent, pulled me in.”, she explained, grabbing the rocks that were by her feet.

“So it was one of those falling in love bullshit.”, I scoffed, rubbing the back of my neck but blushing at the fact she mentioned my accent. I watched as she snapped her head to look at me really fast. I couldn’t help but to feel jealous inside but the pieces are connecting between her and McGrath.

“It wasn’t bullshit at the time. I was hooked, although I was young, very young. And me being with him, made him look like a pervert. I was genuinely hooked.”

“I guess you can say she’s a"DILF ".”, Marcus laughed 

I wasn’t sure how to respond to his comment, I thought it was kind of disrespectful knowing what she’s been through. “So what happened for him to hate you.”, I asked, shifting my whole body towards her. I wanted to know every detail about their relationship, her past. I wanted her and I wanted to fill and complete her. Sexually and Spiritually.

“He proposed to me about a year and a half later. I was terrified because he never knew that I was undercover, and I didn’t want to get a random citizen involved. It was things within that nature that I had to think about…”

“Did you say yes?”Mike questioned moving away from Marcus to sit next to the log that was near y/n.

He was intrigued by her past, I could tell by the way he was leaning in towards her. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t too.

“I did, and I knew I was asking for a death sentence but I had no choice but to say yes.”, she replied, shaking her head. She didn't acknowledge anyone’s presence anymore, she was just talking and listening to the questions that were being asked.

“I was pregnant and I had told him, some may think he proposed to lock me down but I look at it as him genuinely loving me however, you never know with men…”

You’d know with me…

“Okay so this makes sense but still…with Howard death, and  McGrath hating you? You had to have done something.”Marcus interrogated standing up.

“I knew about you being an undercover Mike, I just never said anything because you would’ve been killed plus Howard told me so once your operation was a success with Armando’s mother being sent to prison, it became a death trap for everyone else who were still in hiding. Which is what had happened. I didn’t know that McGrath was a D.E.A Agent, I had no clue.”, she whispered.

At this point, I could tell that she was on the verge of tears. The jealousy that I once had in my body was now turning soft. I slightly moved my head to Marcus and Mike to see them looking at her with sympathy.

“I had called the heads and formed a meeting so that we could talk about Armando’s mom being sent to prison. At this point of time, I was passed being undercover, I was drawn in. I wanted her out so that’s when I called you, Armando, and formed a plan but while I was on the phone with you, the other Cartel members brought in McGrath, which left me so confused, which is why I had randomly hung up.”, she replied, getting up to pace back and forth.

“I thought…I thought maybe he followed me because from time to time I made it hard for him to see me ....so that he could be safe y’know.  I never knew that he was an undercover agent. He would talk to me about things that he would do and feed me fun facts that had honestly helped me with my operation, however it never got to me that he was being literal because he would always laugh. So when he and his team showed up, there was nothing that I could do. I couldn’t help because that would’ve gotten me killed so I sent them to one of the rooms for them to be dealt with.”, she cried, shaking her head back and forth.

I stood up, and grabbed her to embrace her with a hug. I wasn’t used to having sympathy for others but y/n was different and I didn’t care about the  stupid expression that was on Mike and Marcus faces. I just knew that she needed to be comforted and I was going to be the one to do that.

I lifted her chin so that she could look up at me. Her cheeks were wet from the tears that ran down it so I took off my orange prison shirt, exposing my entire upper body and wiped her face with it. I figured it would be the littlest things that counted.

“Are we…interrupting anything?”Marcus coughed, throwing his shoulders at Mike.

“Yeah…I’m wondering the same thing.”, Mike replied, looking at him.

I watched as Y/n grabbed my hand and stopped me from wiping her cheeks. Was she embarrassed that I was consoling her? 

“Thank you Armando but just stop. I don’t need sympathy, I just need you guys to listen, okay”, she sighed moving across the fireplace. I watched as she sat on the other side alone, so much for me trying to help.

“After I sent them into one of the rooms, I figured that they would be just beaten because I didn’t tell the others, who were allowed to be in the room with me, to kill them. But when I went to check to get information out of them, they were all dead except McGrath. Their heads were cut off and they kept McGrath alive to torture him.”, she continued, leaning her weight towards the back of the log.

“So that’s why he hates you, you chose yourself over love.”, I whispered, looking over at her. I saw as she looked over defeatedly. I wasn’t sure if that was a smart decision or a dumb one. She was young and alone, surrounded by Cartels, but that’s no excuse because  if that was me, I would’ve done something to save the person that I love. I guess we're two different people.

“He was so mad at me for my decision that it took me a while to get some information out of him, however, I eventually got it and allowed him to tell the Cartel about Mike’s operation and those who were involved so that they can let him go, which they did.”, she continued, shrugging her shoulders.

I could see that she was slowly starting to accept what had happened, which was good but I couldn’t help thinking about the decision that she made. Was it really worth it? I turned my attention to her stomach after realizing that she mentioned about her being pregnant. She must’ve been watching because she looked down also and touched her stomach.

“Yeah after he was free, and the Cartel started moving around. The word got out fast about how they were going to move and I knew that they were slowly growing suspicious about me so I went to my house off the coast to get my things to try to leave.”

“He was there wasn’t he.”, Marcus said looking at her.

“Yep, he was there and I didn’t know. I was on the phone with Howard to let him know where I was going and to tell my team to get me a new name ready with a fake background. He snuck up on me and shot me in the back twice.”, she replied standing up, while pulling her pants off her hips to reveal the two scars on her lower back. 

My heart sank, making me remember the promise that I told her earlier. I for sure was going to make sure that I keep it now.

“Yep, Howard heard it all and everything that McGrath was saying. McGrath took my phone and looked through all of my documents while i layed on the ground crying. I watched him leave at some point and I don’t know what happened after that, all I know is that I woke up in the hospital with heavy security and Howard. He was there the whole time for me while I mourned. Since then, I've been trying to figure out what to do, so that’s why Howard said what he said in the video.”

“And that being about McGrath?”Mike muttered, fidgeting his fingers. 

“Majority of it, yes. The rest is just personal, you know, starting a new peaceful life…getting married, having kids.”, she blushed looking at Marcus and then at Mike.

“She should be looking at me, I can give her that.”, I thought while watching her blush. Settling down has crossed my mind before, maybe I can do that with her. If she doesn’t continue to play hard to get. Decisions.

“Thanks for explaining everything to us, y/n. We appreciate that.”, Marcus smiled while nodding his head up and down.

“Yes…thank you and y/n, I’m sorry.”Mike apologized,  getting up and walking towards her. You watched as she got up and looked at him while he went up to her. Was she going to accept it? Or maybe make him get on his knees? Hell, I know I would for her.

“It’s okay, pull that shit again and you’re dead…”, she replied, looking at him as he threw his hand out for a handshake. I watched as he laughed and as she stared right into his eyes. She wasn’t kidding.

“I’m not joking, I will.”, she repeated this time, grabbing his hand and shaking it.

I could see Mike's face switch from laughing to serious within a second. I loved how serious of a person she is and the dominant personality follows after that. It made me want to be submissive, just for her and to make the thing between my legs cry.

I watched as she let go of Mike’s hand and started walking away.

“Where are you going?”I asked, standing up alarmingly. She said nothing, until she went and sat in front of a tree then leaned her head against it. I just watched, looking out into the thin air to be sure that no one was around her.

“What?”, she laughed, folding her arms while adjusting herself against the tree. She was tired and we were out in the woods with chilling temperatures so I knew it would be hard for her to get comfortable.

“Armando can we—”, before Mike could finish his sentence I got up and walked over to y/n. I couldn’t help it, I felt drawn towards her. The need to protect her and to make sure she was comfortable and safe. 

“What do you want Armando, I’m done talking.”, she sighed, removing her head from against the tree. I could tell that she was sleepy and that she was getting annoyed with the fact that I kept messing with her. Her eyebrows began to droop inward and she was looking up at me with her low eyes while her head was leaned all the way back. Perfect position but the wrong time.

“Don’t act like you’re annoyed with me, baby.”, I flirted squatting down to her level to be eye to eye with her. I watched as she covered her mouth while she smiled and then quickly frowned.

“No seriously, what is it?”

“Here, put this on.”, I demanded, handing her my shirt.

“What about you?”, she asked, pointing to my exposed body. Honestly, I was a little cold but I'd rather her wear it than me.

“I’m going to sleep next to the fire but first I'm going to talk to Mike unless you want me to keep you warm.”, I replied putting my shirt over her head, allowing her to put her arms through the sleeves.

“Goodnight, Armando…”, she smirked, leaning up to kiss me on my forehead and then laying back against the tree. The way she says my name, made me shy and bubbly on the inside. 

“Get a fucking room!”Mike yelled, antagonizing y/n and I while Marcus chuckled.

“Shut the hell up Mike!!!”, y/n and I yelled in unison which led to us laughing.

It felt good to hear laughter coming out of everyone’s mouths, especially knowing that in the next couple of hours. We will have to find help and eventually  kill McGrath. I playfully slapped y/n on her thigh and walked away. Mike called my name earlier so I knew that he was going to be up a little longer talking. I had been dreading this conversation with him, it’s my first time actually communicating and being around him.

I sat on the opposite side of the lit fire so I could watch y/n sleep. For the rest of the night, Mike, Marcus and I talked about Mike’s and I’s relationship and how we were going to help Howard and y/n. Truth be told, Howard wasn’t my priority anymore. Y/n was. I want her to live a life that she deserves, and I am going to make sure that she does, whether me or McGrath dies in the process.

[caffedrine]

Silvio Ricci - Beyond the Connection Between the Past and the Present – Event Summary

This is mostly a summary for me - I make no promises on the accuracy of what’s happening. I’m not nearly fluent enough to get half the jokes/innuendo much less accurate plot points.

Many things in this world are more impossible than the fantasy stories written in books. Emma reminds herself of this as she watches the passionate battle between Silvio and his younger self, Chibi-vio.

Silvio shouts that there is no way in hell he’ll lose to some snot-nosed kid who only knows how to doggy-paddle. Chibi-vio snaps back that Silvio is annoying, it’s not his fault Silvio started late. And if anything, he should let go of his leg. Silvio shouts back that just because he’s small doesn’t give him the right to take shortcuts. Chibi-vio laughs derisively, it’s Silvio’s own fault for not choosing the route. For an adult, Silvio is very stupid. Silvio calls his younger self a brat, and Chibi-vio tells him to bring it.

Chibi-vio shouts that he’s just caught his tenth fish, and the score between them widens even more. Silvio notes that this proves that Chibi-vio is a true brat, he only cares about shitty quantity over the quality of Silvio’s larger fish. Silvio advises that if he aims for victory, even if by numbers, always go for the ‘big one’.

Chibi-vio is amazed at the fish Silvio pulls out of the water – the color, the shape, and the size! He thought that fish was legendary. Both he and Silvio gaze at it in awe.

Emma recounts the day – first, they had raced on the beach, then they competed who could swim faster to a nearby isolated island. Next, they competed over who could row a boat faster, then they climbed trees to see who could reach the top first.

This fishing battle was just the newest contest between the two.

Chibi-vio complains that Silvio is just some rich guy who jangles a lot. He has absolutely nothing in common with him. And all he wants to do is play games! Silvio insists this is the better way of doing things.

Emma is trying not to laugh at Chibi-vio’s antics. The memory of him calling Silvio ‘some rich guy’ still brings on giggles.

(Picture this for Chibi-vio, but less rich)

She is a bit put off by Silvio going all out against a child, but that is Silvio’s way. Besides, Chibi-vio seems to be enjoying himself. She remembers stories she heard about Silvio’s childhood where he had no friends or opportunities to play. Maybe that’s why neither version of him is holding back.

Emma calls out to them, if they collapse in the sand, they’ll dry all up. She brought them jelly snacks and water.

Silvio remarks that Emma is very kind, and Chibi-vio reluctantly thanks him. She thinks that he’s not sure what to make of her, he’s been watching her as much as he’s watching his adult self.

Silvio snaps at his younger self, telling him to watch it, he’s claimed that big piece. Chibi-vio snaps back that he saw it first, so it’s his. Silvio shouts for Chibi-vio to stop kicking him, calling him a bad child. Chibi-vio snaps back that he’s also a bad man.

Emma cuts in, saying that she won’t give snacks to a child who won’t get along with them. Grumbling, Chibi-vio gives in.

Both of them start eating quietly, giving Emma a chance to get a closer look at Chibi-vio.

Again, they are so similar. Even Chibi-vio has a beautiful way of eating that makes her fall in love. His hair is soft and silky, and his eyes droop a little. He looks like a miniature of Silvio – and she wonders if his reactions are the same.

Chibi-vio jerks away from her hand touching his cheek. He demands to know what she thinks she is doing. Emma apologizes, explaining that she wanted to try something. Chibi-vio turns red and starts walking away, wondering aloud what she wants to try.

Maybe the reason he’s embarrassed by her touch is different, but it’s the exact same reaction Silvio has.

Very cute.

Silvio is gloating, what is even with that reaction? Chibi-vio looks so stupid when he gets upset over such a little-

Silvio nearly leaps in the air and jumps away, shouting at Emma for hugging his arm so suddenly, even after he told her to warn him. Emma asks what she has said or done that implies that she’s listening to him. Chibi-vio points and laughs at Silvio, asking why he’s so shy even though he’s an adult. Silvio shouts at Chibi-vio to shut up, this one is special, and he is no way at all embarrassed when anyone else grabs him.

Besides . . .

Chibi-vio is appalled. Emma can’t believe Silvio would just grab her and kiss her in front of a child.

Shaking and pointing, Chibi-vio demands to know what this rich man, no, wait, this rich pervert thinks he’s doing with this face-hugger display. Silvio asks who is the shy one now.

Emma grumbles over Silvio’s lack of maturity. On the other hand, she enjoyed the kiss, so maybe it’s catching.

Very softy, Chibi-vio says not to do this, and Emma begins to nod. Suddenly Chibi-vio shouts not to embarrass him, he’s sure he can kiss Emma without feeling embarrassed, unlike a certain pervert. Before Silvio or Emma can react, Chibi-vio jumps Emma and lightly kisses her cheek.

Smirk, smirk, Chibi-vio has absolutely no problem kissing Emma, in fact, he enjoyed it. It’s a cute reaction, but Emma doesn’t think she likes this.

Silvio shouts at Chibi-vio to not touch his woman without permission. Roughly, he grabs Emma’s face and begins wiping at her cheek with a cloth. Emma complains and Silvio tells her to endure it, after all, he’s being nice to her.

He calls this nice?

While Emma whines and rubs at her cheek, Silvio whirls on Chibi-vio. He lunges at Chibi-vio, grabbing him, and begins to wipe a Chibi-vio’s mouth. Chibi-vio shouts at this rich pervert to let go and stop.

If Silvio is a rich pervert, that makes Chibi-vio a moody pervert. And stop squirming!

Emma begs them to stop fighting as Chibi-vio screams as Silvio.

[guiltysungho]

— bad idea right ?!

genre : tags. fluff, brother’s best friend, enemies to lovers(?), teasing, slightly suggestive, sex mentioned

pairing. brother’s bsf!han dongmin x gn!reader

wordcount. 0.6k

a/n. written in the dead of the night. i feel like taesan is just the most flirty in the most teasing way. here’s part 2 if you even care.

It was bad enough that you constantly had to see him because of your brother but now you also had to share a room with the guy?

You didn’t hate Dongmin, you just didn’t particularly like him, you had your reasons. He was what some would call a serial lover, he was on a roll, he had dated most girls, enough guys, and a bunch in between but that wasn’t why. You could have accepted him if he didn’t date your closest friend therefore ruining your relationship because she had convinced herself you were seeing him. It could be argued that had nothing to do with Dongmin and more to do with her self esteem but you didn’t want to hear it.

“Are you going to stand there the whole time?” he asks tired of ignoring your presence, it had been 30 minutes since your brother left with his girlfriend, he was the one who planned the trip so he went for the cheapest option which was a single room for four, except it was two queen sizes and so you just had to figure it out.

You sighed propping yourself on the bed where your brother slept. Dongmin didn’t seem bothered by it but he was a master at sleeping with people so it bare counted as anything,

“I’m not going to fuck you” you glare at him on the bed across the room, the action makes him smile, or the words either way he smiled and it felt so enchanting, you were taken aback by the effect it had on you.

“I know, I don’t want to fuck you” he explained, for some reason that didn’t make you feel better, it hurt in some odd indescribable way,

“Why not?” a quiet scoff escaped his lips, his eyes circling the room in disbelief.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” you can barely hide the shock on your face hearing those words from him, the smirk on his face was enough to know that this was amusing to him.

“You’re crazy” it comes out weaker than you intended, was your body actually failing you to Han Dongmin?

If you were being completely honest your body always somehow malfunctioned when he was around and you knew it wasn’t because you “hated” him but it was easier doing that than admitting that you found him attractive just like the rest of the population.

“Am I? You’re the one who thinks I’m some kind of horny monster” you can’t help but smile, the soft breath of a laugh escaping your lips before facing him.

The way he looked back at you blurred all your thoughts for that whole second where your eyes met, his tired eyes trying to figure out everything that you were just by looking.

“You’re not?” he rolled his eyes at you, acting unamused but the curve on his lips was so telling,

“I’m actually extremely romantic” he insisted, and you tried to imagine it, Dongmin, romantic, he did seem like a romantic, like he’d tell you poetry about how lovely you smell in the morning, like he’d get on your dad’s good side if it meant he could see you every day from then on. You hadn’t noticed before, but that was just how he seemed.

“Yeah right…” he liked your tenacity, you didn’t admit to things easily but it didn’t annoy him, it just made him want to show you, let you see how things really were,

“I can prove it, let me take you out.” and there it was, no wonder so many people fumbled, you wanted to follow the ways of your predecessors so badly but what was the point?

“You so want to fuck me” he laughed this time, with his hand over his smile, a small laugh but enough to make you smile.

It felt clear now, just in the few moments of conversation you had together it just made sense, and now he wanted you to see past the rumors, he’d never felt that urge before, the urge to come clean, “I’m not as bad as you think I am”

“Your brother will beat my ass if I hurt you anyway” you couldn’t argue that.

[dronebiscuitbat]

Oil is Thicker Then Blood (Part 1)

It wasn't long after Uzi restored N and V's memories that N began to stay over at her “apartment.” more often.

It started when he sheepishly knocked on her door one morning, chassis slightly steaming and looking guilty, tail laying flat against the floor.

“H-H-Hey U-U-zi” His voice was so glichy it was nearly impossible to hear what exactly he was saying, his visor angerly blinking, warning him that he was overheating, as if that wasn't immediately obvious.

“Holy shit! N!” Uzi was immediately concerned, leaning in to help her best freind and to lead him inside, she went to grab his hand to help him. Only to be immediately burned, the temperature of his plating feeling like a stove top.

“Y-y-eah, I'm kinda h-h-ooo-t right now.” He explained as if he wasn't about to melt in front of her. She sprinted to her room, grabbing the canister of oil she'd been sipping on and shoving it in his mouth.

He drank it deeply, emptying the entire container rather quickly, steam plumed around him and he sighed, his joints groaning from the quick constriction back to form.

“Oh wow, that was a little closer than I would have liked. Thanks Uz!” He brightened immediately, tail curling up and beginning to wag, a beaming smile on his face.

“N! What happened? I've never seen you that hot before!” She motioned him in, looking into the hallway to make sure nobody saw him enter. It wouldn't help the already rampant rumors about her. About them.

“Uh, V is in one of her moods after I tried reminiscing with her, she shoved me and I fell into the sunlight.” His explanation was not lacking in enthusiasm, seemingly not thinking about how close the death he just came.

“And she didn't get you oil because…?” Uzi questioned, trying to not notice how he looked around her house in awe, glancing around at everything.

“Oh, because the oil we have is old and a little chunky, it would have taken too long to cool me off before I started to go offline.” He explained, picking up a picture of her father and her, when she was a pill.

“Awww, baby Uzi!”

Blushing, she swiped the picture out of his hands and put it back down.

“Bite me! I'm not cute!” She snapped at him, only for him to laugh lightly, as if that action itself proved whatever point he was trying to make.

“Whatever you say!” He grinned, walking off to pick up another trinket off the shelf and turn it in his hands.

“This isn't the first time you've been here, you've seen it before, also you almost just died. Priorities!”

“I actively avoid thinking about the times I almost die. Also look!” He brought her attention to a picture of her, in a toddler body, bashing her dad in the head with a wrench.

“Looks like you were good with tools even when tiny!” He cooed at her image, Uzi grumbled, trying and failing to swipe the picture from his hands.

“Also, I was unconscious for most of the time I was here. I didn't get to see all your adorable droneling pictures!” He threw his hands up, tail wagging wildly.

Adorable?

“N!” She shouted in indignation, fists balling up and stomping her foot like the was throwing a tantrum.

He put the picture back on the shelf, giggling at her, if he was anyone else she would have bitten back a little harder, but he was incredibly difficult to stay mad at, especially with that crooked, dopey smile.

“Well, I guess I'm stuck with you until nightfall…” She murmured, honestly she had started to become nocturnal herself, being unable to touch sunlight after her strange, fleshy transformation at camp, switching over seemed to be the better option.

“I was about to get ready for bed, if you wanna-”

“Sleepover!” He shouted immediately, looking like he just got the best Christmas gift ever. Uzi couldn't help but smile at him, he was always so endlessly positive.

“Uh, yeah… I guess.” She turned to look aloof, but to also hide her growing fluster, which had been growing more and more common since prom.

She drug him into her room by the arm, partly just to get him away from more of her pictures. And slammed the door behind her. Sighing softly.

When she opened her eyes again, N was sitting on her bed, well more laying, as he was a little too tall to comfortably sit upright without touching the ceiling, and was looking at her nightmare board.

“Mmm. This looks like repressed memories.” He said off-handedly, and he was partly correct, some of them were nightmares, some were things she'd rather be only in her nightmares.

“Just nightmares N.” She replied, going into the corner of the room to find a comfortable shirt to change into. Only to look at N, to realize he was still in his overcoat and hat.

“You want to wear something more comfortable then that coat?” She asked, still pulling through the mountain of clothes.

“Huh? Oh uh, if you have something that fits me.”

Fair enough, he was quite a bit taller than any other worker drone. Especially her.

But luckily, she had hoarded clothes over the years, and finally fished something out that was way too big for her. But would probably fit him just fine. A thin lilac shirt that said. “My Girlfriend Thinks I'm Tall.”

The universe really wanted to shove this crush in her face today. Didn't it?

Whatever, the universe could bite her.

“Here.” She threw the shirt up at him and continued to search for something that suited her. Finally, she saw a faded yellow shirt that read; I'm a Big Freakin’ Ray of Sunshine

Perfect

She turned, only to find N standing naked in the middle of her room, the shirt folded in one hand and his coat draped over the other.

“N!” She immediately whipped around to face the wall, her temperature rising quickly, a violent blush taking over her face.

“What?” He hummed, seemingly unperturbed by being nude in front of her, taking his sweet ass time putting the shirt on.

“You're naked!”

“And? The only difference between us is armor plating.” He responded, pulling the shirt over his head. His voice laced with confusion.

“Still! You don’t see me stripping in front of you!”

N paused for a moment, seemingly pondering this. Before he clicked his tongue.

“I wouldn't mind it, you seem to forget that none of the corpses that make up the spire have clothes.” That made her jump, sometimes she forgot he was a disassembly drone, with his cheerful, loving attitude. And it made her feel a little weird, did all of the worker drones really look so similar?

Did he not think of her as different?

“N-No, I don't care how many you've seen. I don't want you to see me.”

She heard N make some kind of noise, then heard him step out and close the door. She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, shit, she didn't realize N would be so nonchalant about it.

She quickly got changed, and reopened the door for N, who met her gaze with a slight blush, and who's hands were shifting against each other awkwardly. Clearly, he'd known he'd said something wrong and overthought it.

“Erm, sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, and I didn't mean to imply that… you look like every other worker drone. Because you don't- uh…” He broke from her gaze for a moment, and his tail flicked irritability. What she could see of his visor he was? Blushing? Maybe?

“You don't look like anyone else. You look like you, and you are my best friend.”

Or maybe he did.

“It's okay, you kinda walk around without pants anyway.”

“So does V!” He defended, before they both dissolved into laughter, awkward moment being pushed aside.

“Come on, let's choose something to watch.” And they walked back into her room, N following as she pulled put a drawer, letting him look at the movies she had.

“A lot of them are animated, looking at live action humans is a little freaky to me.” She admitted, watching as he held each box in his hands. Reading the description of each.

“Oooh, this one is about robots!” He grinned, showing off on of the boxes to her.

“Wall-E? I haven't seen that since I was little.” She vaguely knew it was sappy though, which knowing N, he may have picked up on as well.

‘Yeah sure…” She picked up her homebrew laptop and shoved the disk into the reader, before looking around for a place for both of them to sit.

Her couch was currently covered in railgun parts, where she has been trying (and kinda failing) to repair it after it exploded, she'd nearly had to start from scratch.

But then that left her bed… which would probably end up with the both of them being in pretty close proximity, even more so with how excitable N could get.

N made the choice for her, climbing up to her bed and giving her his hand to help her up.

She blushed, looking away as she took his hand as was hoisted up quickly enough to disorient her, thankfully she didn't loose grip on the laptop.

She landed in his lap, she could tell that much by the ambient warmth radiating from his core, she felt him lean down over her shoulder to start the movie, some of his silvery hair tickling her cheek.

Ah, shit this escalated, does he realize how close we are right now?

Apparently not, as he readjusted himself he forced them closer, Uzi leaning fully against his chest, his head looming above her as she was curled on his lap.

She was extremely happy he couldn't see her visor, which she was sure was nothing but purple at this point.

Still, she eventually relaxed into it, realizing that this was one of the only ways they'd both truly fit on the bed while still being able to see the screen.

She just… didn't remember the movie being so… romantic?

The way Wall-E swooned over Eva's sleek design, melted at her voice, showed her his collection of weird human things… for once she could kinda relate, looking up at the disassembly drone, who's eyes were locked onto the screen.

“Awww, he likes her!” He pointed out when Wall-E tried to hold her hand, and all Uzi could do was shake her head, of course he'd be into romance, that was just so… N.

“Kinda reminds me of when we first met.” She said without thinking, before her words caught up with her and she realized what she was implying.

Luckily, either N didn't call her out or simply didn't notice.

“Yeah… her arm cannon thing is really similar to your railgun.”

Oh thank Robo-Jesus that's what he took from that.

“I don't think you were swooning over me though, with me trying to kill you and everything.”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

“Uh- Pfft, I wouldn't swoon over anyone N.”

Yes. Nice Save.

“Thad?” N mentioned, eyes still trained on the screen. Although his tone had shifted slightly, although she couldn't fathom why.

“Ew. No. Sports Jock is not my type, he's just not mean to me.” They both jumped when a lightning strike hit Wall-E as we was trying to recharge her.

“I'm not sure what I'd do if you suddenly went offline like that.” N's voice was uncertain, like it was something he'd been thinking on.

“You worry about that?” Uzi replied, trying to ignore the way her core sped up, but wait his did too.

“Of course, with everything going on I'm afraid someone is going to get hurt in a way I can't fix…” One of his arms wrapped around her, seeking comfort, making her jump slightly.

She wasn't used to other people caring about her to this extent, in the way she knew N did, he was her ride or die and she knew that, and it was worth so much to her.

“If you're talking about V, she can kill us both before taking a breath.”

But showing him that was too scary.

“I don't worry about her as much as I worry about you.” His head rested on hers for a moment, as he watched Wall-E hold onto the side of the spaceship for dear life.

She felt herself smiling, face warm. He was such a wonderful friend, he was one of the only people that truly cared about her.

“I'll be fine… Bite me….” He chuckled, sensing no aggression behind her words. And they fell into comfortable silence, getting reabsorbed back into the movie.

Uzi found herself melting pleasantly in his warmth, she'd expected him to be warm, with his constant need for oil, but had expected it to be more unpleasant, instead it was lulling her to sleep quite rapidly. She felt… safe. And that was weird considering she was cudd- uh leaning against a drone who could end her life before she could even finish her next thought.

But she knew he'd never do that, he would rather melt into a puddle than lay an aggressive hand on her, and in a way that made her feel special, even though he would do the same for any of the worker drones in the bunker.

“Oh she looks really upset…” Her eyes refocused on the screen, Eve shouting at Wall-E while her words faded into the background, showing he wasn't listening.

“He did follow her into space.”

“For love!”

“She doesn't know that, although pretty sure she'd still be mad if she did… it really wasn't a smart decision.” Uzi deadpaned, groaning at N's partly fake offense.

“Love is always the best decision!”

Then please don't let me go

She shook off that thought with a shake of her head, settling back against his chest, realizing his arm was still around her and his head still laid on hers.

They were actually cuddling now, there would be no denying that. But Uzi couldn't bring herself to be upset by it even if a part of herself was screaming about her “reputation.” and her “critical lack of edge.”

“Am I putting you to sleep?” N asked, his voice soft and soothing, it sent pleasant streams of data straight to her core.

“I've already seen the movie, and… you're really warm.” She admitted, looking up onto to find he was looking back at her.

“You don't have to stay awake for me then.”

His eyes were honey, pure and sweet and looking down at her like she was a precious gem. She smiled, eyes dimming as she fell into sleep mode. Was this still just a crush? It didn't feel like one, with the way her core felt full and heavy like it was about to come out of her chest. Was this what love was like? She didn't know, she'd never felt anything close to it before.

[Sleep Mode] appered on her visor and N felt her relax fully into him, letting out a content sigh that made yellow spring to his cheeks. His attention slowly turning to the movie again.

She nuzzled into him in her sleep, making the robot equivalent of a squeak as she did. His core felt light, and a small laugh fell out of his mouth.

He worried about her constantly, with her strange powers and her transformation, she'd put herself in danger, always bravely going into it with so much confidence it tended to rub off on him even if he was nervous. But he still worried, she was still a worker, still small, still so much more fragile. And recently, he'd seen her lacking in confidence, terrified.

Even if she would tell him to bite her if he dared ever call her any sort of fragile. She meant so much to him, his closest friend that he could always count on to be patient with him. She could be prickly, sure, but that was more of a shield she put up to protect herself. Much like the padding of optimism he'd wrapped himself in.

He was really upset knowing how the rest of the colony treated her, as if she was some sort of diseased stray cat that needed to be avoided. It was awful! Uzi had the potential to be so sweet, and it was sad to see her having to create this shell to hide that part of herself.

“Mm… N…” She mumbled in her sleep, and he subconsciously pulled her closer, he'd stopped paying attention to the movie long ago, that was okay, he was recording everything anyway, he'd be sure to pay more attention then.

He was going to make his best freind feel wanted. Like he'd wanted to feel, like she made him feel.

Sleep mode came quickly for him too, until all the sound that escaped the room was the sound of the laptop, until that too died down to nothing.

Next ->

[therobinswayne]

this might be a crazy idea, but what is instead of pacifica just being the northwest who owns the town at the time, pacifica switches places with fiddleford?

like, listen. after not getting into his dream school, dipper manages to get into a school that is still reputable based off his good grades. pacifica is his roommate because, hey, it's the 70s, no way he's trying to explain transgender to the admissions office. they hate each other for a while, because he thinks she's a priss who payed her way in, and she's annoyed that he fights back. but over the first year, they help each other understand themselves. she learns about his birth mark (which he keeps firmly hidden away beneath his hat at all times) and he learns about her cold and distant parents. they bond.

they live together for all of college, and it gets to the point that dipper won't deny having a crush on her, but he doesn't even think to bring it up, shrouded in his own insecurities. but she's the first real friend he's ever had that wasn't friends with mabel first. in fact, she doesn't even know mabel exists.

when she comes clean to him about feeling like a fraud because her father DID help her get into school, he convinces her to prove herself and get the degree she wants instead of just the MRS degree her father had planned for her. she turned out to be a damn good mechanical engineer.

when they graduated, her father withheld her any money for not settling down how he wanted, and she found herself a job with her degree so she could really be herself. she credits dipper with helping her get there. she promises to write. dipper heads to oregon.

she works there for a year, before getting fired. any other place she tries refuses to hire a woman in the field. she's forced to go back to her parents. her dad sets her up with an approved husband, and she gets married. she doesn't care about him at all. she has a son. he's named after her father.

then, when her son is 3 or 4, she gets a call from dipper. he asks her to come to some town in oregon and help her build something, because he needs a brilliant mechanical engineer, and she's the best one he knows. she tells her husband she's going, and he doesn't care. she hugs her son tightly, tells him to be good for the nanny, and sets off.

dipper's a little different. he's more crazed, drinks a lot more coffee, is constantly scribbling in his journals and whispering to himself. he has all these plans, and he doesn't seem to leave the house often. more often than not, she's the one who heads into town and buys groceries so they have anything to eat.

she knows something's going on with him but he won't tell her what. one day, he falls asleep next to her while working and she finds out. bill, his name is, and he's rather unfriendly. but dipper didn't tell her. she doesn't know what to do with that, so she just doesn't bring it up.

when they finish the portal, their first test, her foot is in front of the line. for just one moment, she's stuck inside. dipper brings her out, but it's too much. she can't even describe what she's seen. it's horrifying. she tells him they have to destroy it, and he refuses. she leaves.

when she gets back to her family, her husband is in bed with the nanny. she doesn't have it in her to care.

she sets to work, making something that can help her forget the horrors that haunt her dreams. she does make it, and she takes it to gravity falls in hopes of helping dipper forget all of this madness. when it doesn't work, he looks at her so damn betrayed. like she's the one doing horrible things when he wants to bring about destruction.

it's so easy, in the aftermath, to erase his face from her brain. that betrayed look in his eyes. but it still comes back and haunts her. so she makes it stronger, makes it work better, keeps testing it on herself, until there are gaps in her memories she doesn't remember there being and she doesn't remember why she even made it.

doesn't matter. she can't stop now.

by the time the stan's get there, pacifica is just. the old lady who lives in the trash yard. her hair is thin and white, she's shrunk, her posture is atrocius. she knows her name is pacifica, but that's all. she doesn't remember anyone for long, or any direct conversations. things go missing the second they happen, and no one can recall what happened to her.

eventually, her son moves to gravity falls in hopes of finding his mother. he doesn't put together who she is, since no one knows her last name. she doesn't look anything like the woman he's seen pictures of.

when dipper returns to the dimmension, after weirdmageddon, she sees him and for the first time in a long time, she remembers something. he tells her she must hate him, but she just hugs him. he works to get her memory back, bit by bit, by reworking her machine to work in reverse.

once she's got enough memory to come back to herself, one of the first things she does is kiss him.

the second thing is going and finding her son.

[cal-flakes]

can u do a bsf! rafe x reader

basically reader is drunk and she won’t stop asking for rafe so one of readers friends calls rafe on her phone and asks to come pick up y/n. then rafe takes her to his house since her parents would be mad. then she goes straight to his room and she asks him to change her clothes for her because she’s too tired

(they’ve done this before and they’ve been bsfs since birth)

╰┈➤ rafe to the rescue, again

warnings: alcohol consumption, undressing, mostly fluff.

summary: rafe’s the only cure when y/n gets a bit too drunk.

“no! i want rafe!” y/n shrieked as her friends crowded around her, trying to console her. drunken tears streamed down her face as she stomped her foot. “y/n, chill out, he’s on his way..” topper replied, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“he is?” she beamed, the tears suddenly subsiding as she sniffled. “yeah, he won’t be long, okay?” he assured, sitting down next to her. she giggled in delight as she kicked her feet, smiling ear to ear.

this was a regular occurrence when y/n went out without rafe, she wanted him and only him, and she wouldn’t stop yelling about it until she got him.

she lay her head on topper’s shoulder, patiently waiting for her best friend to arrive.

“ y/n?” he called, startling her as she opened her groggy eyes. “huh?” she mumbled, yawning tiredly. “you fell asleep, rafe’s here!” topper chuckled, placing a secure arm around y/n to help her up. “rafe’s here?” she shrieked, suddenly alert.

“i’m here y/n, it’s okay..” a familiar voice cooed, shooing toppers arms from around her and replacing them with his. “rafey! i missed you!” she giggled, falling into his chest.

“uh-huh, come on, home time..” he sighed, nodding at topper in thanks before guiding the deadweight girl to his car. “i’m so happy you’re here rafey..” she muttered, her eyes fluttering shut as soon as her head hit the passenger seat.

“well i’m here now” he rolled his eyes jokingly, secretly loving the nickname he pretended to hate so much, but only she could call him that.

“did you have fun?” he asked, pulling away from his parking spot after turning the keys in the ignition. “huh? oh, yeah..well, not really.” she rambled, exhaling deeply as a sickly feeling began to pool in her stomach.

“not really?” he questioned, recognising the familiar look on her face as he glanced over. “you gonna be sick?” he asked again, concern settling in to his features.

“no! i didn’t even drink that much!” she objected. so yes, she did feel sick.

y/n’s head swivelled as they pulled onto tannyhill driveway. “why are we at your house?”

“well, unless you want your mom to kill you for being drunk, and me for not stopping you from getting drunk, your best bet is staying here tonight” he explained, leaning against the car as he helped her out of it.

humming in response, rafe wrapped a strong arm around her waist as she stumbled inside, her heels clicking against the marble flooring.

helping her upstairs, he chuckled as she launched herself onto his bed, sinking into the covers. “rafeee!” she sang, turning to look at him as he set her bag down on his wooden dresser. “yes? what do you need now?”

she giggled at his attempt at feigning annoyance. “i need you to help me get changed, and! i can’t get my shoes off..” she whined, pretending to not reach her shoes to prove her point.

rafe turned to his closet, rifling through his clothes to find the specific pair of sweatpants and the hoodie she liked, muttering about how her pyjamas were in the laundry.

rounding the bed, he towered over her as she smiled up at him, pointing excitedly to the soft clothes in his hands. “you remembered!” she squealed, reaching to grab them. “of course, you complain when i give you anything else”

“whatever” she huffed, half joking as she crossed her arms over your chest.

rafe mentally cursed as he began shimmying her dress off, tugging at the sides of the slinky material, exposing her black lace set.

he closed his eyes for a second, re-gathering his thoughts before he continued helping her out of her clothes. he shouldn’t be thinking about her like this.

discarding of the dress, he unbuckled her heels too, also placing them beside the dress. “thank youuuu” she groaned, rolling over onto her front, forcing his eyes to meet her bare behind.

“y/n, turn over” he asked, turning his head away quickly, desperately attempting to shake the thoughts out of his head. she’s his bestfriend.

groaning once more, she turned back over, throwing her arms up in the air for rafe to slide the hoodie over her. “okay, back down now..” he ordered, pushing her gently onto her back.

raising her legs, he slid her feet through the sweatpants, tugging them up and tying them once they were on, ensuring they wouldn’t fall off.

“alright, your done. you want some water?” he offered, gesturing to the bathroom. shaking her head, she opened her arms childishly, opening and closing her fist, signalling him to hug her.

nodding his head, he shuffled onto the bed, settling behind her and pulling her in. he glanced down lovingly as she got comfortable, resting her head on his arm that was situated beneath her.

“night-night rafey..” she cooed, getting as close as possible before closing her eyes. “goodnight angel..” he mumbled, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.

“love you..” y/n whispered, falling into a deep sleep as light snores blew from her nose.

“i love you too y/n…”

[rabarbarzcukrem]

The eternal opposing relationship between the two sides of a mirror

or: In defense of Shiori

I feel like Shiori is one of the most controversial characters in Utena. Some love her, others despise her. And I don't have a problem with people having strong opinions on her character. What bothers me is the tendency to exaggerate her most negative traits, focus on her most harmful actions, completely ignore any redeeming qualities she might have and then paint her as a one dimensional villainous caricature, a mean straight girl who plays with the lesbian's feelings for the sake of it, without anything deeper going on.

I'm aware of the fact that some people refer to her like that in endearment or in a satirical fashion, and I'm not saying that you can't consider her your favorite problematic evil girl representation. I'm only trying to make people realize that it's her complexity that actually makes her such a compelling character.

I've seen people call Shiori all sorts of names, some of which were baffling enough to make me wonder if they even remembered what happens in the show, and weren't just judging a version of the character that they made up in their head.

So, let's look at the things Shiori actually does, throughout the course of the story.

Disclaimer: I'm only going to take the series into the account here, because I think we can all agree that everyone's characterization and personality differs at least slightly in the movie. Background characters also get a lot less screen time to explain their motivations in order to fully focus on Anthy's journey and struggles, which is understandable.

1. She "steals" the boy from Juri.

This is her biggest crime, which seems to define her from the very beginning. Even though Juri didn't actually have any romantic feelings for him, this action is detrimental to their relationship - it breaks the trio apart, isolates Juri from the pair, is an act of betrayal against her and proves it was done with full awareness that it would hurt Juri emotionally.

Shiori is a deeply insecure person, who constantly feels inadequate and beneath other people. The only reason why Juri seemed to actually like her that Shiori could think of was pity, and even when she found out she was the object of her romantic affection all along, she still struggled to comprehend it. Her self loathing and constant perceived inferiority make her desperate to gain any sort of control over her life and relationships, but they're also the exact reason she feels that the only way she could ever do that is by hurting others. She's always one step below and incapable of crossing that distance, therefore the only way to become equal to people is to bring them down to her level, by humiliation.

When she "steals" the boy from Juri, she achieves that. For a moment, she feels good about herself and leaves Ohtori thinking that she has found the answer, the solution. But she's wrong. From that moment on, it becomes more and more apparent to her that what she did was never out of love for the boy, even though she doesn't let herself acknowledge it fully. Because the truth is, Shiori actually regrets hurting Juri, which she admits herself during her elevator confession.

When the guilt starts getting to her, her confidence high wears off, and she ends up feeling ever worse.

That's why she breaks up with him and comes back. She's not ready to leave yet, not ready to progress. There's still something binding her to Ohtori - Juri, and Shiori's unresolved feelings for her.

2. She tries to set things right with Juri and to fix their relationship.

Even though at this point Shiori still thinks that Juri only ever associated herself with her out of pity, she still makes several attempts to get closer to Juri, who understandably (albeit coldly) turns her down ever time. This is a very clear sign of conflicting feelings Shiori has for Juri - jealousy and admiration, resentment and longing, hate and love. After all, Shiori admits that the two practically grew up together. Their friendship may have always felt fake to Shiori, but she clearly cherished it deeply.

3. The Black Rose Arc.

First of all, we should establish what is the purpose of this arc and how it functions. It explores the motivations of background characters and shows their worst side to the audience. The characters that end up in the elevator are the most unstable, vulnerable ones, with the least power in the system, in unequal and/or exploitive relationships with the duelists and their agency under threat. Mikage offers them a way to gain that power by making them follow their most toxic, negative emotions. And despite all other characters doing exactly that, from what I've seen Shiori is the one that gets the most hate for it. I don't think she should be judged any harsher for what she did under the influence of the black rose than, let's say, Wakaba or Kozue. Especially because the reason all of them ended up in that elevator is because they recognized that these urges were harmful and were seeking help and counseling.

What this arc does do is reveal how Shiori's inferiority complex drives her to act against her own desires. Even though she longs for things to be different, even though she is not happy at all with how her relationship with Juri looks like, she is unable to fix it, because that would require her to consider her own affection for Juri. And she can't do that, because it would mean admitting that she's not stronger than Juri, that she hasn't beaten her, that she's doesn't have control and an advantage over her. Although she tries to keep up this smug, self-assured facade, the reality shines through.

They key to understanding Shiori is noticing that she specifically doesn't want to acknowledge that Juri's feelings are reciprocated, and the obsession is mutual. If you paint their relationship as one sided, you're actually falling for her act.

4. She enters a relationship with Ruka.

Ruka is a handsome (arguable), respected boy who appears out of nowhere and starts showing interest in Shiori. It's obvious that for an insecure girl, who in addition struggles with confusing repressed feelings, this would be something unthinkably wonderful. The affection and praise she gets from him is exactly what her low self-esteem craves. You might be wondering why she didn't perceive Juri's feelings for her in the same way. And a part of the answer might be that, post nameless-boy-incident, Juri was nothing but cold to her. She might have been pining after Shiori from afar, but in the end she's distant and untouchable, and they're divided by their messy past. Meanwhile Ruka is a clean slate, seems openly affectionate, engaged in their relationship and he pays attention to her. But I think the main thing that makes Ruka so different from Juri is the fact that...he's a boy. Because, as Revolutionary Girl Utena establishes, gender plays a crucial role in interpersonal dynamics. Attention from a boy is fundamentally coded as romantic, desirable, necessary and most importantly: increases the girl's worth in society's eyes. It makes one a princess. Meanwhile Juri's advances could only be seen as an invitation to friendship, at best. But Juri's status and beauty make her special, while Shiori is not. Therefore, it can only be pity and mockery.

Of course, Ruka only uses Shiori to influence Juri and dumps her as soon as he achieves his goals. It's true that Shiori could have listened to Juri's warnings, but then again... why should she? From her perspective, Juri's her ex-friend that doesn't want anything to do with her, who only suddenly comes to Shiori when she's finally happy and fulfilled, and encourages her to end it. She doesn't know the wider context of the situation, nor does she remember the Black Rose arc. Juri's warnings don't sound sincere to her.

And so, Ruka gets rid of her in the coldest, most indifferent way, not explaining anything or showing even the slightest sign of compassion. Before that though, he makes an interesting remark, about Shiori putting on an act and polishing somebody else's sword.

Honestly, I don't really know how to interpret it in any other way than Shiori actually having feelings for someone else, despite trying her hardest to conceal it. Are my shipping lenses not allowing me to see any different possibilities? Am I going crazy? I don't know.

Nevertheless, Shiori begs him to stay, devastated. Her life got turned around so suddenly, she found appreciation, status, comfort and stability, and now all that's been taken away from her as abruptly as it was given. It's a public humiliation.

I once heard someone say that this would be the perfect moment for Juri to step in and defend her. And to be honest, although it may be true, I'm not completely sure. It may have been the one display of open care that Shiori needed from her, but it might as well have been interpreted by Shiori as Juri affirming her superiority over her and feeling sorry for her again. We will never know. In my opinion, so much of their relationship is going on in their own heads that the only thing that could ever cause positive progress is communication (which neither of them seem to be a fan of).

Instead, Juri only tries to console her after the fact, when Shiori's at her absolute lowest. In the context of all the assumptions Shiori holds and Juri's previous indifference, it quite understandably comes off as a sneering attempt to gloat.

That's about it. You may have noticed that I've summarized all Shiori's appearances into 4 points, and only one of them includes an instance of Shiori hurting Juri voluntarily, out of her own free will, not influenced by anyone. I'm not saying that she was forced to taunt Juri during the Black Rose Arc, I'm not trying to diminish the suffering she's caused or trying to paint her as a perfectly good person. I am trying to make it clear that she is not some cunning plotter, dedicating every minute of her life to finding ways to make Juri suffer that some people seem to take her for. I am trying to humanize people's perception of her a little bit. Especially considering the fact that last scenes of her include those when she waits for Juri and follows her so that they can go home together, and then joins the fencing club. If this doesn't show that she's capable of change, I don't know what does.

She's not an innocent princess, that's true, but she's not just an egoistical, manipulative liar either. She's a bit of both. After all, if Revolutionary Girl Utena is supposed to teach you anything, then I think it's that we're all just people, and the complexities of human experience make it impossible to fit anyone into a box, assigning them definite labels like "princess" or "witch".

And if you look at a teenage girl who, like all people in Ohtori, struggle under the system of patriarchy and heterosexuality, and all you see is a wicked, sinister witch, then you may have just fallen into the trap that the narrative had set for you.

[nanaskzz]

DAWN ─── Felix has always shown himself to be the most perfect boyfriend, and he proves himself even more so by comforting you in an existential crisis during the night.

TWO o'clock in the morning and the beautiful view of Seoul city at this time is definitely rewarding to watch. The lights bring an inexplicable nostalgia and, at times, some kind of comfort. You wanted that comfort now. Feeling embraced by the simple and banal beauty of life. You've always been the type of person to enjoy moments, but ~right now~ you wanted to disappear.

Your leg swings frantically up and down as you try to lean back in the chair on your living room balcony. It's no use. ~Why is there no point?~, You think. Beautiful views have always made you feel at home, so why doesn't it work now? Maybe it was her worries speaking louder than her feelings. But then you remembered him. You needed ~it~, not just a simple view that continues to shine even if ~its~ shine fades.

Felix was extremely understanding, always prioritizing your feelings, often above his own concerns. You were everything to him, he needed you. And that meant that when you weren't okay, he wasn't okay either. He felt like he needed to take your pain away, pass it on to him, and protect you from all the evil the world pressed upon you. You don't know exactly how it happened, your fears externalized as anxiety. It was as if the small stresses throughout the week triggered a major crisis.

You weren't exactly worried about the root of the problem, but rather the need to feel his arms surround you and sweet words come out of his mouth, wishing for your good regardless of the reason for your evil. He was in the next room, sleeping, oblivious to all his pain. You didn't want to wake him up, he was also going through a busy week due to his comeback with the boys.

You shrank into your seat, wanting the tightness in your chest to stop and your breathing to stop betraying you, failing over and over again. Tears fell uncontrollably down his face and without realizing it, oppressive thoughts took over his subconscious. ~It's your fault, try harder. Weak, get up~. It hurt. It hurt to know that she couldn't count on herself because she would fall apart instantly.

You listened, but ignored the footsteps that silently approached you. Warm, soft hands carefully run down your back, up to your shoulders, caressing them so subtly. Your hair instantly stood on end, you couldn't explain if it was due to relief or more nervousness. Lightly Felix's fingers traced under your chin, where he lifted your face, making you look directly into his eyes - which had such a worried gleam.

No words needed to be said, he just engulfed you in such a comforting hug. That was all you needed to break down once and for all. Loud sobs left your lips, which you struggled to hold back. He stroked your hair, whispering words of comfort into your ear, just as you wished.

─── It's going to be okay, baby. Shh!... I'm here with you.

He speaks softly. You deeply and slowly inhale the scent of the shampoo from his freshly washed hair, making you feel safe and comfortable in your arms. He had this dominance over you, your muscles instantly relaxed just by smelling him and hearing the sweet and, at the same time, deep tone of his voice. You slowly began to calm down, breathing more normally, but you still felt your eyes burning.

His thumbs wiped away your tears as he lightly pulled you away, only to look into your eyes again. He takes the elastic from his own hair to tie his own, which was a little messy from the previous agitation. Felix brushes away the small strands that still rest stubbornly in his eyes. Your eyes closed to appreciate even more the affection that he, without any request, kindly distributed over you.

─── You're going to be okay now, I'm here.

─── ... I'm sorry for keeping you up, I know you're busy this week.

You feel embarrassed, sniffling and looking down at your hands. He holds your hands when he sees you scratch your palm with your nails in a sign of nervousness.

─── I do not care about it. You are more important, my love.

You stare at him, still feeling worried and guilty. He sighs, his heart hurts just seeing your red eyes and slowly breaks when he sees the pain that settles in them. He hugs you again.

─── I would stay by your side until dawn if it meant you needed me until then.

With him by your side, you would be fine.

ⵌ series masterlist

[erodasfishtacos]

As It Was (You Know It’s Not The Same)

prompt: part II of the pornstar!au; what happens after the shoot

warnings: angst,smut, minors dni

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part one

-

YN is staring blankly into her bowl of chicken alfredo that Niall was kind enough to make after they got home from the shoot.

She had so many different emotions coursing through her that it felt like overload and it was making her numb as not one single thought could be construed properly in her head.

Niall let her process for a while as he chowed down on his own meal, eyeing his best friend regularly to try to get a gauge on her mental status.

It jars them both when Niall’s phone begins to ring, the obnoxious default music echoing through the apartment and interrupting the silence.

His phone was face down, in typical Niall fashion, he flips it quickly and answers, barely glancing at the unknown number on the screen.

“‘Ello?” He states through a mouthful, ever the gentleman, and as soon as the caller begins to talk, Niall’s eyebrows pinch downward and he drops his fork as he listens.

“She doesn’t owe you shit, mate,” Niall responds loudly and YN already knows who it is, knows that Harry has Niall’s number but not hers because she changed it a while back when a subscriber found it out and called incessantly.

“I’m not asking her whether she wants to talk or not. If she did, she obviously would have stuck around to do so. You don’t get to make demands when you were the one getting your dick wet elsewhere,” Niall was nearly shouting at this point where YN didn’t even need to hear Harry to know that he was keeping a deathly calm tone with a sharp edge to each word.

YN had only heard him yell once.

-

“You won’t let me explain!” Harry erupts angrily, YN had never heard him this loud ever as he stood in the entryway of their apartment, “You’re kicking me out and you won’t even fucking let me explain to you what’s been going on!”

“You had time to explain,” YN grits out, there were fat tears streaming down her cheeks and she could not catch her breath, “But when I asked you wh-what was going on you lied. You said n-nothing was sneak-sneaky.”

Harry’s eyes soften a bit as he tries to step forward with his arms outstretched, “Baby, you need to breathe. You’re going to pass out. Please, just let me help you first.”

“Don’t you dare,” YN manages to hiss between hiccups, taking a step back until she hits the wall behind her, “Don’t even think about touching me.”

Harry’s voice raises again, “You think that I would throw what we had away? For what? Sex? Are you that fuckin’ daft? When would I have time to get it anywhere when I’m trying to get with you every time I can? Our sex life is literally amazing.”

“You tell me,” She rebukes with a shake of her head, she just needs a minute to think and everything is going a mile a minute, “You tell me why.”

“You know what?” Harry scoffs with a clenched jaw, he looked more intimidating in this moment than he ever had as he spoke through his teeth, “The fact that you think I would ever cheat on you is disgusting. That you think so god damn little of me after I’ve spent the last five years proving my love and loyalty to you.”

YN’s bottom lip quivers at that, a fresh round of tears because this isn’t her fucking fault, and he is making her doubt herself right now.

“The fact that you’re willing to throw away this relationship because of something you suspect with nofucking proof. Just because of what you went through with your parents. That ready to get rid of me,” Harry’s volume lowers by the end, a watery edge of emotion to it, and YN watches him rub his eyes furiously to wash away the tears.

YN regrets what she says next because she knows they should have a conversation even if it’s not what she wants to hear.

However, she instead spits out, “Get the fuck out. I hope I never see your fucking face again. Go find the girl who was worth it and enjoy your life.”

And then she’s turning on her heel out of the room, the deafening sound of Harry slamming the front door shut as he leaves makes her ears ring and he had to have to splinter it.

YN has never collapsed to the ground before like she did right then, sliding down the wall in her kitchen and dropping her head to her knees - letting out the most earth-shattering wail as her soulmate walks out of her life.

-

“You can fuck off, mate,” Naill’s hard words interrupt her flashback as he pulls his phone away from his ear and presses the red ‘end’ button before setting his phone back down on the table, “Jesus. He wants your number.”

YN squeezes her eyes shut for a moment, shaking her head and taking in a deep inhale because it’s not that she doesn’t want to talk to him, she just knows that it’s not the best decision for her.

However, with the choices she made today to sleep with him, she wasn’t truly making great decisions anyways at this point.

It didn’t get him out of her system, if anything, it reminded her of how much her body craved him and how much her soul needed him - it reminded her of how broken she was without him.

“Thanks, Niall,” YN sighs as she pushes her full plate away, “I just…I just need some time to decompress. I’m probably just going to get a bath and head to bed. I’ll text you tomorrow. Thanks for everything today.”

Niall gives her a concerned look, not truly believing that she was okay enough to be alone but he nods, leaning over to kiss her forehead before telling her, “Call me if you need anything before then. Okay pet?”

YN agrees before walking him to the door, locking it behind him, and just standing there for a moment to gather herself - she hated that there were pinpricks of tears in her eyes because she missed Harry.

It didn’t help when she was undressing in her bathroom as her tub filled up, eyes tracing the bruises that Harry had left all over her skin - it was so unprofessional, actors knew that was in poor taste to leave marks.

Harry had proved once again how much he owned, controlled her body, even now with how tender the skin on her belly, hips, thighs were from his blunt teeth that nipped into her.

As she’s relaxing in the water, head resting against the basin as she watches a trashy reality television show on her phone, the dialogue pauses when there’s an incoming call on her phone from a number that wasn’t saved in her phone.

She can’t help but feel a twinge of annoyance at the interruption as she answers with a short, “Hello?”

“Hello,” It’s a voice that sends chills down her spine, she swears her nipples tighten at the mere single word uttered through the phone.

“How did you get my number?” YN demands, her heart already beating out of her chest as she sits further up in the bathtub.

“I have my ways,” Harry responds uselessly before he’s continuing on, “You ran from me today. You broke your promise.”

“Let’s not talk about broken promises, Harry,” YN snaps automatically, defensive and on-edge instantly with the conversation.

How dare he.

Harry let’s out a low chuckle that makes YN’s skin prickle in aggravation, like he’s in on a secret joke that she’s not privy to, “I promise you that the conversation I wanted to have with you would have benefited you. But that’s not why I’m calling.”

“Why else would you need to call me?” YN prompts because if she’s not aggressive like this, she’s going to cry, and she hates not feeling in control of her emotions, hasn’t felt like this in so long.

“I’m checking to see if you’re okay,” Harry’s bravado had softened now, like it did when he would really baby her, “I know today wasn’t easy. It wasn’t easy for me, at least.”

“You got your rocks off, how wasn’t it easy?” She replies sharply, YN knew that it wouldn’t be easy for him either but she wanted to hear it, she wanted to hear Harry say how hard it was for him - she knew that was wrong but in this moment, she didn’t care.

“YN,” He huffs in disapproval, he seems to debate his words before speaking carefully, “To have sex with you after not being able to for a year. To have sex with the woman that I thought that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. The only person I would have sex with for the rest of my life. It was fucking devastating.”

His voice cracks on the last sentence and he pulls away from the receiver to cough - he would always couch to hide emotion, it was a tell for him, always had been, and it makes her heart ache a bit.

“Well, you’re in the adult film industry now. I guess you gave up that idea,” YN hates how cold she sounds, her instinct is to comfort him, and assure him that she was struggling to - she couldn’t give in.

“No, not really,” Harry tells her, “Today would have been my first shot with another actor. All my other work has been solo. I haven’t slept with anyone since you. I feel like you showing up today was my sign that I don’t want to sleep with anyone else.”

YN realizes that she was digging her nails deeply into her palm, leaving marks, and she stops clenching her fist, resting it more delicately against her thigh, and she looks away from the lovebite that it lands on.

“I did two scenes,” YN mumbles under her breath, she knows she has no reason to feel guilty or bad about it, they were broken up, “One with a guy and I hated it so I did one with a girl and I didn’t like it either. I’ve been doing it solo since then.”

“I see,” Harry responds, his voice doesn’t give anything away.

“I-Does that make you mad?”” YN regrets asking instantly, she doesn’t know why she felt the need to fucking ask that - of course, she wants to know the answer but she needs a filter sometimes.

Harry pauses for a moment, thinking over his response carefully, “No. Just, it doesn’t feel good to hear, obviously, but I’m not upset with you, sweethea-.” He catches his pet name and rephrases, “Don’t act like you don’t remember what a possessive sod I was. It makes my skin crawl to imagine you with some else but it’s nothing that you did wrong.”

-

“Harry, baby,” YN giggles quietly as Harry’s mouth attacks her neck, sucking harsh bruises into the thin skin, biting at the crook of her neck as she knots her fingers into his curls to grip him, “S’okay, H.”

Harry’s hands curling into the waistband of her biker shorts, tugging them down her thighs along with her underwear, his hand finding her mound, and his fingers splitting through her plump lips to push up inside of her.

“S’mine, yeah? Tell me, pet,” Harry orders as he pulls back from her neck, only to bring their lips together as he crooks his two thick fingers forward to pet at the sponges spot inside her walls.

“Oo-oh fuck,” YN moans as softly as possible, her back hitting the stall door, and making a shuttering noise as he scissors his fingers to spread her open, thumb navigating to her clit to rub at it.

“I’m going to stop,” Harry bites out, acting like he’s about to pull out his fingers, and it makes YN let out the most spoiled whine which makes him drag his teeth against her jaw, “Tell me, whose this is? Tell me who owns this cute little cunt.”

“You, baby, you,” YN babbles quickly because she wants to come, she can feel herself dripping onto his palm, and it’s making the most filthy slick sound in the otherwise silent bathroom.

It was all because they were working out at the gym and while Harry stepped away to refill his water bottle, some guy took the opportunity to approach YN to ask if she needed help with weights, and lifting technique.

Harry did not miss the way the chiseled man’s eyes didn’t move from YN’s bum for more than a minute while she squatted and ignored his advances - acting like she couldn’t hear him through the music in her headphones.

“She’s good, mate,” Harry cuts in, his hand coming to rest possessively at the small of her back, fingers creeping towards her bum to let this guy know that he didn’t have a fucking chance, “Don’t fucking approach her again.”

Dude got the message quickly, scurrying back to a different bench press but Harry could still feel this creep’s gaze on his girl as she went about her workout and he didn’t miss the way other men at the gym stole glimpses too.

“Who am I? Say my name,” Harry goads as YN tries to clench her thighs together with her oncoming orgasm but he knees them even further apart, and with his free hand, he yanks down her sports bra until her tits spill out, ducking down to lick at the hard nubs.

“Harry, Harry,” YN chants as her thighs begin to quiver violently, her head knocking against the door as she lets her eyes close and let out a long mewl as the intense feelings rock through her.

“There’s my girl,” He hums approvingly, cheekily licking at his fingers before helping tug her leggings back up in the small gym bathroom, “All mine, yeah? Don’t I make you feel so good, yeah?”

“Always,” YN replies sweetly, leaning forward to give him an appreciative kiss and tug him into a hug which makes the tough man melt a little bit.

“Let’s get you home, shower you, and then I’ll give you a nice cuddle, hm?”

He was so fucking gone for her.

-

“I remember,” YN can’t help let the giggle spill from her lips at the memories of him.

“Don’t laugh at me,” Harry pouts but lets it dissolve into a laugh as well, “Fuck, I miss that sound.”

“Harry, why did you call?” YN sighs, bringing the conversation back to the now because YN felt herself melting into him like she always did and she couldn’t let herself do that.

“Like I said, I wanted to make sure you were okay,” Harry reiterates, “It was an emotional day and you bailed before I could check on you. I just wanted to make sure you were good.”

She wasn’t.

“I’m fine,” YN couldn’t even deny how much of a lie it sounded like.

“YN,” Harry grunts firmly because he knew, of course, he knew, “We need to talk. Seriously.”

And this is were YN backs out, cowardly, she doesn’t care because she can’t talk, she can’t get her heart broken again.

“I, uh,” YN sputters for a moment, wracking her brain for an excuse, “I forgot I have something in the oven. I have to go. Bye.”

With that she hangs up on him, she knows hes going to call back, and like clockwork, he does - phone lighting up again with the unsaved number, YN silences her phone and tosses it onto the plush rug - slipping back down into the tub and groaning at the shit storm she got herself into.

-

YN was a bit early, always was usually, especially to an important meeting like today.

It was with Warren at the production headquarters, all that she’s been told is that it’s good news, and that she shouldn’t worry about anything because at first she thought she might be in trouble over something.

They guide her into one of the fancy conference rooms with sleek gray colors and modern furniture - she’s dressed in a professional outfit, a tailored suit and her favorite pair of heels.

Anxiously, she plays on her phone as she waits for the others to arrive, and after a few minutes, people begin slowly pouring into the room - they come with tablets, computers, notepads that mean business.

Warren walks in like he owns the place as always, a tacky white suit on with his black hair slicked back with so much gel it looks greasy as he sits at the head of the table, “Just waiting on one more,” He announces as he fixes his gaudy gold watch on his wrist.

YN should not be shocked at this point when Harry enters the conference room last, in a tailored suit too but his button up was barely buttoned, revealing the butterfly right below his sternum and his sparrows on display.

She can tell that Harry was also not expecting her there by the surprise on his face when he scans the room and sees her sitting there, he regulates himself fast and his face goes back to emotionless as he sits down closer to Warren in the last available seat.

“Okay, now I know you two don’t know why we’ve called this meeting,” Warren begins and picks up a little remote, clicking on a projector screen as multiple graphs pop up on the wall, “But this is about the video you two made last week. It’s the most view, top rated, and most downloaded video that has ever been posted on our sight. THe demographic is evenly split between male and female viewers. The age demographic also ranging from eighteen to sixty. The advertisement revenue has brought in nearly five million dollars alone.”

If YN wasn’t working on controlling her facial expression, her eyes would have bugged out of her head at the announcement - she hadn’t been tracking how successful it had been but she did not expect that.

“Based on the majority of comments, female fans loved the intimacy and realistic interaction between you two. They reported that it reminded them of a real couple. Men commented that they enjoyed that dominance of the Harry and how responsive YN was to him.”

YN felt the heat rising to her cheeks as they discussed the topic, her eyes glued to her hands as she nervously picked at her nail beds until it hurt, she didn’t know where this conversation was going.

“We are offering both of you an opportunity,” Warren continues with excitement in his voice, “A series on the channel. The catch is that we will be asking you two to exclusively film with each other at this time. We are aiming for at least ten videos but possibly more based on the continued popularity which we do not see as being a problem.”

Oh god.

“The team has decided on a generous offer of two point five millions dollars for ten videos plus added bonuses contingent on the advertisement revenue,” Another businessman speaks up, he’s clicking around on his laptop as he talks, “Then there will be another offer if the series continues.”

Two point five million dollars.

Never.

Ever.

In YN’s wildest dreams would she think she would be offered that amount, right in front of her, let along to get to do the videos with the only person she’s every felt sexually compatible with.

She wouldn’t consider herself greedy but that amount of money would really really push her life in the right direction, she could find a better apartment in the city, she could do so much.

YN was willing to put up with the emotional sacrifice, fuck, she’d hire a therapist with that money if she had to but she couldn’t imagine turning that down all because it’s will Harry - she’d had sex with him for free anyways.

It’s a no brainer.

So it’s an absolute shock when YN gazes up at Harry, who’s sat back in his seat with his arms crossed and an annoyed look on his face with his lips pursed and his eyebrows furrowed.

Her heart drops into her stomach when he makes direct eye contact with her and tells the room, “Absolutely not. I decline the offer. I have no desire to participate in this.”

[saintsenara]

Wait why are you not a fan of Snape and Hermione?? 2 nerds who care a socially awkward amount about the things they care about nerding out together at levels of romance people who can be chill and normal about things can’t comprehend?? It’s not one of my fav ships but I can definitely see it!

I headcanon that Snape picks on Hermione being a muggle raised know it all thirsty to prove and lacking self awareness because he was one himself when he arrived at school and James and Sirius picked on him for it! It’s like that you’re most repulsed by the things you’re self conscious of in yourself thing to me. Or maybe a him trying to live out being the “cool” one in that dynamic thing

But when she’s a grown woman and more self possessed like he became too I feel like that same energy ness has potential for love!

Hermione is famously respectful and compassionate enough towards all beings to be more understanding than say Lily Evans of his prickly tender ego if he had another m word style outburst and such a people pleaser she’d keep coming back for more snark as long as he peppered it with the odd encouraging compliment

And I feel like a Snape in reciprocated love could absolutely veer into inventing beautiful and helpful spells to impress his lover or sending “made me think of u 😘” notes with verses of elaborate obscure poetry territory that would be frankly the level of literary and academic courtship our Herms deserves 😌

Is it cause they’d both be the highly strung worrier one and they both need someone to ground them? Or maybe too pessimistic together and one of them needs to be the cheerful one?

anon, i genuinely love this for you - i'm always thrilled to get people explaining their love for ships in the ol' inbox, especially when they're ships i don't instinctively vibe with, and i have been won round to stranger premises than this by a passionate defence of why two characters should kiss.

where i still think snamione isn't clicking for me, however, is that the way you describe both snape and hermione here doesn't align in any significant way with what i personally think would be interesting to explore about either character in a relationship and have them still feel meaningfully like their canon selves.

[i will say, though - because i always think it's worth reiterating my fandom commitment towards being neither a cop nor a priest - that i literally don't give a shit about either the age gap or the student-teacher dynamic. i know that's an objection to pairings like snarry and snamione which lots of people do express. but i will never be one of them.]

the primary reason that i don't vibe with many of the more... sapiosexual hermione ships [by which i mean not only snamione but tomione] is that they hang on the idea that hermione's intellect expresses itself in a way we never actually see in canon.

or, the idea that snape and hermione are intellectually compatible [and that they would enjoy hanging out being nerdy about stuff] is just... not true.

throughout the seven-book canon, the way that hermione shows herself to be clever is that she displays an excellent memory and an enormous capacity to rote-learn. her intelligence is overwhelmingly demonstrated - both in the classroom and during the trio's year on the run - by her being able to regurgitate swathes of information, very usually verbatim from the source she got it from.

she is clearly able to use this ability to retain information to understand the theoretical component of magic in a way neither harry nor ron ever manage, and she is able to use this understanding of theory to work out how to perform spells which are ahead of her expected level on the hogwarts curriculum.

and this is intelligence - and i want to be very clear that i'm not trying to suggest that hermione shouldn't be thought of as intellectual, or that her academic achievements should be devalued. but it isn't the way snape's intelligence manifests itself.

because hermione is never shown - at any point in canon - to be a particularly creative or experimental thinker.

she places an enormous intellectual trust in disciplinary authority - teachers and textbooks - and is frequently rattled when these are revealed to be partial or incorrect, as we see in her shock at hogwarts: a history not mentioning house elves or her anger at harry getting better results by following the modified instructions in the prince's textbook [despite knowing nothing about the theory underpinning them] than she does with the "official" ones.

she also regards the gatekeeping of inquiry which disciplinary boundaries enforce to be a positive thing and she never displays any inclination to step beyond them. she dislikes the spells in the prince's textbook because they aren't ministry-approved - and i must say that i think the idea that she'd be won over by a man creating spells for her is wishful thinking...

she is immediately mistrustful of anything she can't find something she regards as an empirical source for - notice, for example, that she only comes round to the idea that prophecies might be real once she encounters them in the ministry of magic.

even when we see her using magic on her own terms - the jinx she uses on marietta edgecombe, for example; or the protean charm on the da coins - the magic she's using is sophisticated, and is being applied in a way which wouldn't be classroom-sanctioned, but it's not magic which is being used in a way which is removed from the spell's original purpose. the protean charm on the da coins is impressive because it's a flawless execution of newt-level magic by a sixteen-year-old. it's not impressive because hermione is using it in a strange, experimental, or radical way.

[in contrast, the dark mark - which harry notes the coins mimic - is clearly a spell voldemort himself invents.]

snape, on the other hand, is an experimenter. he's someone who clearly sees magic as a creative force which he has every right to shape as he sees fit by adaptation and invention. and he's someone who evidently rejects the logic of disciplinary gatekeeping - one tension in his relationship with dumbledore prior to half-blood prince is that snape evidently retains an enormous intellectual interest in the dark arts [which, as he tells us, are an area of magic which is feared precisely because they can't be neatly contained within disciplinary boxes - they are ever-changing, unfixed, mutating...]

and it's these conflicting views of what magic is and how it should be used and thought about which is the cause of the intellectual incompatibility we see between snape and hermione in canon.

he is unequivocally in the wrong for his dismissive classroom manner towards her - because he is an adult and she is a child. but he isn't wrong in principle that hermione just repeating what she's read in the textbook and refusing to synthesise her knowledge [she always goes massively over word limits! she never gives answers in class in her own words!] isn't actually a demonstration that she understands the material. [and therefore something a good teacher would guide her through conquering... snape having no interest in doing this is his own fault.]

and - from a snamione-specific perspective - it's all the evidence snape needs that, actually, they're not going to enjoy hanging out chatting about academic pursuits. hermione values knowledge like a dragon hoards treasure. snape wants to take that treasure, melt it down, and turn it into new and weird things.

once again, i don't think this a flaw in either of their characters - it's just something which is. and i don't think it's an insurmountable obstacle to writing snamione, because i believe any ship is possible if an author has enough nerve. but it's an aspect of both characters' canon personalities [and hermione's above all] which never seems to make it into snamione fics - all of which, as far as i've encountered them, are beholden to an idea of hermione's approach to academia which is considerably more flexible than we actually see in the books.

of your other points, i'm not particularly convinced by the idea that snape sees his younger self in the teenage hermione. this isn't just for the reasons outlined above - hermione isn't trying to prove herself in the same way he was, which was by creating and experimenting in a bid to be noticed and considered impressive - but also because of the massive gulf in their respective class backgrounds.

hermione is really posh - and, while she's obviously subjected to discrimination at hogwarts on account of her blood-status, she also comes from a family with both the financial resources and the cultural language to make her familiar with the vibe of the elite muggle boarding schools hogwarts is a pastiche of.

the teen snape - in contrast - stands out from his cohort in that he is visually identifiable as working-class [which does appear to be genuinely unusual at hogwarts]. his class background is something which clearly drove a lot of the marauders' bullying of him [i'm sorry to the girlies who think james and sirius targeted him out of some righteous desire to stamp out his prejudice - it was because he was poor and uncouth] and which he still has a chip on his shoulder about as an adult.

this - again - is not an insurmountable barrier to a snamione relationship [as it's not a barrier to thousands of real-world partnerships and friendships]. but it is something an author needs to grapple with if they want to make the pairing - at least, in my opinion - seem plausible. but the standard vibe seems to be that snape would be comfortable in the grangers' home fairly quickly, and that he'd be delighted to have hermione swanning around offering suggestions for how they could do up spinner's end... instead of him resenting this as the unwelcome meddling of people who've never had to worry for money.

i'm also not particularly convinced by the idea that hermione would get over being called a mudblood - especially by an adult man. while i think it's completely plausible that she'd handle this differently than lily [although lily's reaction is entirely justified - and i don't think we should throw the baby out with the bathwater of contextualising the teenage snape and the motivating factors behind his decisions by pretending that cutting off your friend because he called you a slur is a petty, ill-thought-out, or unreasonable move], i don't think that her reaction would be automatically forgiving.

hermione is compassionate towards kreacher when he calls her a mudblood because kreacher is a slave, whose prejudicial views are inextricably bound up in the magic used to oppress him [i.e. that if he received an order to use the term, or to refuse to serve a muggleborn food, from his masters, he would have to punish himself violently if he disobeyed it]. she is not - quite rightly! - compassionate towards someone like draco malfoy when he calls her one, since he is a free person with full agency to choose not to do this.

could she forgive him - or snape - for using the term? sure! absolutely! but i don't think it's a given - and i also think she'd expect a demonstration of how sorry snape was which wouldn't necessarily align with how he'd think he'd demonstrated his regret.

i do agree that - as you say - hermione is a people-pleaser, and she definitely has a far greater tolerance for being treated cruelly by people she wants to impress [especially authority figures - including snape himself] than either harry or ron. and i think this has the potential to introduce an extremely thorny dynamic into a snamione fic - in which the power dynamic inherent in the age gap [which, to reiterate, i think is completely fine for an author to enjoy] is compounded by hermione being unwilling to anger or contradict snape [which is a vibe - as i've said in answer to an ask about harmony - we also see in her relationship with harry... it's also obviously exactly how snape's relationship with dumbledore works.]

on a couple of the more minor characterisation notes, i'm afraid that the idea of snape as a great romantic has never hit for me. it seems really bound up in the way alan rickman portrayed him in the films, which i've always found a bit toothless. i also don't like the trope of "actually snape's really hot" which seems to always accompany it - ugly, odd men to get to bone too!

[what he would be - i think - is a magpie. get ready to be handed odd stones and bits of leaves on dates.]

i also think they're highly-strung in ways which differ enough to mean they'd just annoy each other. hermione is highly-strung in that she flusters easily and is very poor under pressure, but she's actually pretty emotionally stable [and i'd dispute that she's a pessimist - this is a girl who thinks that she's successfully eradicating slavery at hogwarts by knitting hats; she's pretty robust, funny, cheerful, and idealistic]. snape is highly-strung in that he has a hair-trigger temper and is very emotionally volatile, but he's obviously an extraordinarily good liar, very quick on his feet, and very good under pressure. he'd think she panicked too much [and over insignificant things he didn't care about], she'd think he tanked the vibe of a date by taking offence at someone breathing too loudly.

where are they similar? well, they have a shared self-serving streak [hermione is appalled by behaviour from harry and ron she considers perfectly moral when she does it]; capacity for cruelty; tendency towards secrecy; tendency towards pettiness and pleasure in the misfortune of others; loathing of flying a broom; cutting sense of humour; stubbornness; resilience; clear dislike of slumming it in nature; love of puzzles; and a weakness for red hair.

i think you could make it work on the grounds that they'd probably have the time of their lives being haters together - especially, i feel, about rita skeeter.

and - y'know - because love is weird.

[dawneternal]

The Benevolent | Eris x Healer OC | Five

☁︎ notes: I am sick and my brain is so foggy I'm sorry if I missed anything while editing

☁︎ warnings: injuries, blood, talk of physical abuse and abusive parents

☁︎ word count: 2.7k

☁︎ AO3 Link / Masterlist

☁︎ tags: @cauldronblssd @teddyhoneybear @tele86 @mybestfriendmademe @imma-too-many-fandoms @allyjoe755 @milswrites @shadowdaddies @zenkindoflove @landofpetrichor

Throughout the next handful of calls, Eris found himself trying to collect more information about Aya. It was odd, this inexplicable and slightly overwhelming desire to learn more about her. None of the knowledge he gained did anything to supress his hunger for more. She had him captivated, even if he wasn't ready to put a name to what he was feeling. 

Getting her to open up proved to be a difficult task when his mother was present. The nature of Aya's recruitment had left its mark, like a splinter under her skin instead of the gold ring on her finger. Edana may have dug her own grave, but Eris hadn't, yet. He tried to make himself seem trustworthy. He would be an open book if it meant Aya gave a little of herself in return. 

There were plenty of reasons for this growing attachment to scare him. If he would even admit to it being an attachment. She had done something to him he couldn't explain. Her smile made him want to smile. Her softness made him want to be soft. It bothered him that she never spoke very highly of herself, a strange contrast to her confidence while working. Her hands never faltered, always precise yet gentle. She never struggled, no matter what manner of healing challenged her. Something in her mind clouded her ability to see her as he did - as something remarkable. Something unique and lovely, meant to be cherished.

And with that, there was a growing fear that Aya's heart was already taken. He thought of it every time his gaze caught on her talisman, every time he remembered Thesan's order of protection. It would seem from his perspective that the High Lord of Dawn was smitten with the healer. Thesan was likely waiting until Aya finished her training to propose. It stoked flames of jealousy within him, stirring up an ugly possessiveness that he did not like.

It was always at this point in his pondering that Eris stopped himself. None of it mattered. It did not matter how Aya felt about him, if her heart was promised to someone else. He had promised himself long ago that he would not pursue anyone while his father lived. He had too many other things to think about and his focus was already faltering because of this foolish crush. He had slipped up too often recently and had the scars to prove it. 

He ran through this list often in an attempt to reason with himself. To put an end to the current of emotions he felt when she walked into the room. But nothing seemed to stop it. The jealousy and the wondering and the golden glow he felt in her presence. He knew in his heart that he could not be the one to cherish her, but it did not keep him from envying the one who would.

⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆ 

The gilded crowd seemed to move as one, a swirl of delight and gaiety. Aya stood in its center, dizzy and far too sober despite the glass of champagne in her hand. Supposedly, her appearance was mandatory. But as usual,  no one from her class of healers had spoken to her. No one from any circle had spoken to her. 

The glow of her ring caught her attention and she did a double take. Maybe it was the fae lights or wishful thinking. No, the ring really glowed, a band of warmth around her finger. She handed her glass to the nearest server, conjured her bag of supplies, and tried not to be too grateful for an excuse to leave the party. 

Eris stood in the garden near the winnow spot, his hand clutched to his chest. He didn’t seem to care that blood stained his beautifully embroidered jacket. Aya greeted him with a smile, but he took in her outfit and frowned. 

“Did I pull you away from a party?” He asked. 

Aya blushed, remembering what she wore. An iridescent gown that was almost sheer, cut low in the back to accommodate her wings. The neckline draped and fluttered, revealing a fair amount of her chest. It was likely a little scandalous compared to the modest fashion of the Autumn Court. She really should have grabbed a coat. 

“Oh, no,” She stammered, “I mean yes, I was at a party, but it's okay.” 

“We can work here in the garden and then you can winnow back,” He said, so calm even with the blood dripping down his arm, “You’re all dressed up, I’d hate to ruin that for you. I would think a dress like that is meant to be seen.”

The corners of his lips twitched up into a smile as he said it, eyes burning into her.

“No, really, it’s okay,” Her cheeks burned and she turned her gaze toward the stone garden path, “I was kind of looking for a reason to leave.” 

Eris’s eyebrows lifted and he looked like he wanted to ask her why, but he said nothing. Only gave her a nod and led the way to his room. Aya’s golden heels clicked softly in the hallway, jewelry jingling with every step. 

In Eris’s room, she kicked off her shoes and tossed her bag aside with an ease that made him smile. She’d grown comfortable here. He sat on the edge of the bed and waited as she got water from the washroom, hand still held tight to his chest. 

“What happened this time?” She asked, returning with a pitcher and a stack of rags. 

He held out his hand for her to see, but she brushed past him and crawled onto the bed, tucking her legs underneath her. The feathers of her wings brushed his shoulder as she moved, her scent of pomegranate and honey wrapping around him. He blinked at her for a moment, frozen by the image of her in his bed, her gorgeous dress and smeared makeup. It was not a daydream he’d ever had before, but one that would haunt him often, now. 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” She started to slide off the bed, “That’s not appropriate, is it?” 

She forgot sometimes how much more casual the Dawn Court could be. 

“No, no,” Eris said quickly, “It’s okay.” 

She studied his expression for any hint of disapproval and found none. So she stayed put and began taking off her jewelry, tucking the chains and bracelets into a pocket in her satchel. She left her golden nose ring, adorned with a tiny sunstone. 

“Thank you,” She murmured, “My feet are killing me.” 

“Too much dancing?” He smiled and tried not to look too jealous. 

“Not exactly,” Aya sighed and motioned for his hand, “More like too much standing around, waiting to be asked to dance.” 

Eris tilted his head to the side, eyes sparkling with curiosity. She busied herself with unfurling his stiff fingers as gently as she could. 

“I’m not exactly popular with my peers,” She said, examining the deep gashes in his palm and fingers. She grimaced at the sight, but Eris showed no signs of pain. 

“Why ever not?” He asked. For a moment, she thought he was being sarcastic. But she looked up at him and saw that he was earnest. 

“My power,” She hesitated, “Doesn’t manifest the way healing powers typically do. It makes others suspicious of me. Not to mention they suspect nepotism because Thesan is my cousin.” 

He probably should have felt ashamed of the wild rush of relief, at that. His lovely mother had failed to mention that Aya was related to Thesan. There would be no betrothal after all, then. Unless the Dawn Court shared habits with the Ilyrians. He was about to do a little more prying, but she beat him to it. 

“You never answered my question,” She said softly, beginning to dab away blood with a rag, “What happened to your hand?” 

“Beron,” He grumbled, wincing for the first time, “He told me that if I was to act like a child, then he would punish me like a schoolboy. So he struck my hand with a ruler.” 

Aya paused and looked up at him, lip curled in disgust. Eris nodded in confirmation.

“He broke two rulers before he was finished,” He sighed, like this had been some mild inconvenience. Just another one of Beron’s antics. 

“I’d like to break two of his fingers,” Aya spat, earning a grin from the prince, “How long did you wait to call me?” 

“A few hours. I was waiting for him to leave the Forest House.” 

She leaned over to grab a fresh rag from the side table, and Eris’s gaze caught on her bare back. Aya almost froze, realizing what she had exposed to him, but she forced herself to move normally. He said nothing, but she could feel the weight of his gaze, could see his pursed lips in her peripheral vision. 

She may as well even things out between them. She knew the story of a good handful of his scars. Some were her own creation. He could know the story of hers. It wasn’t exactly a secret, anyways. Dawn Court clothes often had low cut backs to accommodate wings, and so her scars were often on display.

“The Illyrians aren’t the only ones who practice wing clipping,” She said into the silence, aware of how tight her voice sounded, “It mostly died out a long time ago, but there will always be extremists. My mother was one of them.” 

She paused, swallowing hard under the intensity of his stare. 

“Really, I think she was unhappy that I had inherited something so obvious from my father. She tried to clip me using magic, but I stopped her with my own powers. I saved my wings but I couldn’t prevent the scars. And something in her magic collided with mine and went wrong. I felt it in my bones. Ever since then I have had pains in my back. I’ve tried everything I could, saw dozens of other healers, but nothing gets rid of it.”

Eris was sure she already saw the irony of it. Her being a healer and not being able to heal her own chronic pain. He supposed they were very similar in that way, desperate to fix everything or everyone around them. All the while unable to fix themselves.

“I’m sorry,” He said. 

There was plenty he wanted to say, but nothing that would actually make a difference. That image would stay with him, the scars interrupting the smooth brown skin of her back, jagged like rivers on a map. He stared at her wings with a new appreciation, filled with desire to see them spread in flight as the sun filtered through her golden feathers.

He had a sudden urge to feel them. To reach out and stroke the feathers and find out if they were as soft as they looked. But he remembered all of the strange customs around Illyrian wings and kept his hands to himself. His blood heated as he recalled other rumors about those Night Court wings.

“What’s done is done,” Was her response. Her voice was a little far away now, either in memory or in focus. He could feel the tingling of his hand beginning to heal, and the warmth of shame over his thoughts of wing sensitivity. 

A silence settled as she worked and he swore he could almost hear a humming. Like her healing was an unheard song and his bones sang in answer. He didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, but he also couldn’t tear his gaze away from her distant eyes and the golden sparks that glowed from her hand. 

He wondered if she knew what her eyes looked like while she was healing, pupils and irises filled with golden light. Like suns, casting a glow on everything in their path. It had alarmed him at first and then drew him in like a moth to a flame. She must know. It must be one of the reasons the other healers were wary of her, afraid of that golden fire. He realized that she never kept her eyes open if anyone else was around. 

She was like a beacon of light in the darkness of his room, golden and warm and shining. The list of things he admired about her was seemingly never ending. As was the list of things she made him feel every time they interacted. There was a lump in his throat, as he stared at her. So small and quiet, and yet something strong and lovely. 

His hand was almost healed. 

“You are so kind,” He said, just above a whisper. He was emboldened by her confessions, by the things that it meant for her to keep her eyes open around him. 

Her eyes returned to their normal misty color and she tilted her head at him. 

“In spite of all that’s been done to you,” He explained, all too conscious of the vulnerability he was showing. Was there any use in shielding his heart at all?

“I keep no ledger,” She said, looking down at his hand. It was healed, no trace of his wounds left. But she held on. “Against the world, against anyone. I’ve made kindness my fight instead of revenge. I have no reason to be cruel just because others were cruel to me. And if I am kind, it is one less thing that they have taken from me.” 

Tonight held the most words she had ever spoken to him. He savored them like he did every other fact she’d given him and committed them to memory. Everything she had to say was lovely. Everything said in her voice was lovely. He wanted to tell her that he admired her and that he wished he’d heard those words a long time ago. Maybe then, he could have dedicated himself to the cause of kindness instead of choosing cruelty as his shield. Or at least something besides malice. It was probably too late, now. Cruelty had settled into the very grooves of his being.  It was a habit so deeply ingrained that he was not sure he had the strength to claw his way out of it. 

When he lifted his eyes, he found that she was watching him like he had done moments ago. His gaze startled her out whatever she had been pondering, and she released his hand. Reluctantly, he pulled it back into his own lap, already missing her warmth. The smooth feel of her skin. 

“What will you do?” She asked, worry etching in her features, “About Beron? Surely, you won’t let things continue this way.” 

“There are things in motion,” He said slowly, calculating what he could and shouldn’t say to ensure her safety, “But of course, just those words alone could spark his suspicion. Right now, we are all playing a waiting game.” 

He did not know exactly what they were waiting for. All that he knew is that he’d know it when he saw it. He would not admit that to anyone, however. He would continue to play the part of a clever, cunning leader. He had been able to take advantage of the Night Court’s compromising position in the Spring Court, and now he had Rhysand’s support. More opportunities would present themselves, he knew. 

“Of course I’ll say nothing,” Her brows knit together even tighter, “And of course, I’ll be here. Until the last wound he ever inflicts.”

And after that, if you’d like. 

She slid off the bed and looked up at him. Something passed between them, metallic and shimmering like the golden light of her healing. Eris’s lips parted but no words came out. The way he looked at her made Aya wonder if he somehow knew what she had almost said, his eyes filled with a fire that danced like a candle flame. They said nothing more, but the change in the world was palpable. Each breath felt different than before.

After he’d walked her to the garden and returned to his bed, he found a single golden feather on his comforter. He picked it up gingerly, running a fingertip across its silky texture. Then he tucked it into his nightstand, wards snapping as the drawer shut. 

He had seen it in her face, the dangling invitation. Or maybe it was a request. Let me stay, her eyes had pleaded. It was a pain he had never known before, watching her winnow away. Knowing that he could not afford to dream of keeping her. To give her what she asked would be handing over her ruination. He would not let himself destroy such a perfect thing.