#her angel [ic post]

[angelxxreaper]

[thedeadthree]

AS COMFORTABLE IN RINGMAIL AS IN SILK. — VALAENYA TARGARYEN; A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE.

TEMPLATE I by @unholymilf | TEMPLATE II | ICON

[soulsxng]

"...Not all angels are lactose intolerant, though? There's just not a lot of dairy products in Heaven, is all..." Why does this feel like some kind of joke that Azrael and Lucifer would have spread around when they were younger?

"It is rather funny to see everyone getting so lively over it though, isn't it? Don't look so exasperated, Ziri, it'll be forgotten about in a day or so!" Eno, please. This all started because of you.

[scumbag-the-hedgehog]

Death by pizza robot. Yet somehow, not his most humiliating demise.

[outoftheirdifferences]

And that was the million dollar question, wasn't it?

"Maybe I don't know their limit."

The blonde paused to let her tongue moisten dry lips, picking her words carefully as she did so.

"But I don't think they know it, either. They could have taken me in with all the best intentions in the world... but those intentions don't mean a thing if it turns out they can't manage a fifth child after all."

Never mind that she was hardly a child, so close to crossing the boundary of adulthood in her own right... Angel was sure she had enough issues of her own that adopting another young kid, and all the struggles that entailed, would be an easy prospect for anyone compared to dealing with her day in, day out. Even Tenderfoot had hardly seen the full extent of her internal struggles, the old self-loathings - though those had thankfully been quiet in recent weeks without Buster to stir them up - and fears of abandonment that gnawed at her very heart at any chance they got. She wouldn't be able to settle easily to a home life.

Even if she was taken in, Angel was sure that the road to her actually feeling accepted would be a longer one than any family would have the patience to tread.

She shook her head. "And when the expenses mount up, and they realise they can't support everyone, who's going to be the first to go? You can bet it won't be the kids they've raised since birth."

Nor would she want it to be: she'd fought too hard for Tenderfoot to appreciate what he had to ever want to strip him or his sisters of it. That wouldn't make it any easier to take when she was, almost inevitably, shown the door. It always happened; no sooner had she been taken in, got comfortable, finally dared to hope, than it was snatched from under her nose...

She stared off into the distance, not really seeing anything.

"You're right, I could take a no. What I couldn't take is a yes that they have to take back in a few months... just like everyone else has."

That was what she was afraid of, that was the chance that she couldn't bear to take. In that moment Angel couldn't remember how much she'd told Cat about her past adoptions, if much at all; but those memories, of open arms that eventually turned hostile... how could she possibly believe that everyone wasn't like that? When something happened five times, that was far too many to dismiss it as a one-off.

She forced herself back to the present, a small smile back to her lips.

"Besides, all I really needed was getting Buster out of my hair. I'm doing great now, I promise."

It wasn't quite a lie... but great was very definitely a relative term.

          SURVIVAL WAS AN EXISTENCE that cat knew well. simply getting through every day. food, water, ( pitiful ) attempts at sleeping. maybe new clothes, maybe a shower. watching the world rush by, witnessing lives and laughter. triumphs and losses. NEVER really knowing what was coming next, but never expecting anything beyond the half hearted efforts to simply keep breathing. at some point or another, her heart had withered away. the brunette had endured out of s p i t e. if the world was going to try and rip her apart, tear her down, kill her… well. she wasn’t going to let it. not easily, at least. if she couldn’t be wanted, she could at least take advantage of being despised.

     or that was how she had been living. until everything got twisted on her. until she found herself dumped into a life that made no sense. that left her confused and detached. people caring about her, money, comfort. it wasn’t real, it couldn’t be real. there were still mornings that the sun roused her and she held her breath as green depths fluttered open, expecting all that surrounded her to melt away to a cityscape and leave her shivering on the hard ground, sickly, tired, delusional. a hallucination, a trick of the mind. a dream. a nightmare? maybe maybe maybe. her heart was empty, it was tired, it ached with every beat.

             waking up from t h i s would simply end what was left of it ( were there anything truly left at all ), she figured. a shattering, an offering of her soul. give everything, take it away. all these emotions and reasonings that scraped her essence, gnawed at her flesh… cat knew that angel understood well. was chased by the same fears. horrors that were as everlasting as their shadows, reflections of their forms, never disappearing, never able to be defeated. there might be times of temporary respite - lost in deeper hauntings, but they always came back.

        her mind was rattling, because all these contemplations weighed on her as she spoke to her friend. there was nothing former street rat could do to assuage the fears fully. it would take years, it would take a miracle. all that could really be done was encourage… and pray to anyone or anything that she wasn’t misguiding.

                      "m'sure there is,“ she admitted. that was a number of kids. a big house, a full FAMILY. it would be foolish to say there wasn’t something that could be a blocker, that there wasn’t a limit. money was infinite for the rare few, time expired for all, energy and space… people could only handle so much. the wealthy, the athletes, the mothers, the fathers, the hearts, the homes, the poor, the tired, the burdened, the free. they all had barriers. ”…but do you know their limit, or are you setting it for them?“

        she knew the answer already, but the inquiry dripped from her. a whisper she didn’t really want to ask but let slip regardless. because it felt a barb into her own life. when would she hit amy and jon’s limits? hit scott’s? her own? it would end, it would always end, they’d stop loving, they’d stop care, her own blood hadn’t wanted her. ugh. she was a hypocrite, but small woman refused to relent to her own torments whilst in front of someone she intended to aide. if she did, she’d let angel down. her own life was expendable. not others. not if she could help it.

                  "they’re big enough t'make the decision themselves. and if their choice is a picture WITHOUT you, you’ve put yourself in no worse a position.” somewhat. being let down always made things a greater hardship, but cat was being honest on the physical and financial sense. she knew that she was ignoring the truth of the real agonies. of being abandoned, unwanted, forgotten. speaking from rationality and not from emotions. “but if there’s this small chance they’ll at least help, they’ll at least support… does the risk outmatch the reward?”

     hard to say given what she knew. teeth gritted. fervent glance about, but the other volunteers didn’t seem too disturbed by her distraction. they were occupied, keeping to their tasks. maybe they trusted she had her own. something that seemed f o o l i s h given her passed behaviors. some people were creepily understanding and accepting. forgiving, even. weird.

           "…yeah, okay, i know, it could suck massively. hurt…“ hurt so bad. "but… what if.”

[angelxxreaper]

raising a kid on your own isn’t that hard, i did it and he turned out fine

[angelxxreaper]

GRRAAAAHHH HISSSSS BARK BARK BARKBARKBARKRBARK GRA PUT ME GOWN YOU WRETCHED THING I WILL KILL I WILL RIP EACH HAIR FOLLICLE OUT ONE BY ONE YOU WILL BE COLD AND DEFENSELESS IN THE ARCTIC I WILL LEAVE YOU TO THE WOLVES

[angelxxreaper]

techno is like: “aahhh for you the world phil” and also betrays me for the bit like bruh.

[angelxxreaper]

@subtotechno what do you think of this sign should i put it up lmao

[angelxxreaper]

aw :) sweet

[angelxxreaper]

soul vibes tier list

i take no critiscism

[angelxxreaper]

[angelxxreaper]

[angelxxreaper]

nonono don’t bite- don’t bite the candle, the fuck? just a little sniff.

don’t make me put you down

[angelxxreaper]

[he walks in through the door of his house, completely unbothered by the amount of blood dirt and snow he’s tracking in. his wings droop uncharacteristically low, almost to the point of dragging on the ground if not for the fact that they were splayed out for balance.]

[angelxxreaper]

jesus christ chat. you know when you’re trying to work and you just can’t think? just stare at the page like uhhhh hi yes i would like to have brain on the page please and your brain goes NOPE. FOG TIME. To hell with that, you are going into the fog!