#hence why he broke down in ep. 124

[killugon-truther]

i’ve seen ppl criticize killua for his lack of communication during the CAA, and while i do agree that killua’s common inability to communicate honestly is just one of the reasons their relationship ended up being so toxic and codependent, i feel like killua avoiding voicing his true feelings is actually what largely helped and allowed gon to stay focused on the mission.

killua also isn’t the only character who didn’t communicate certain things to gon in order to prevent him from experiencing any distractions or lapse of judgements, as knuckle did the same thing in one of the eps.

i do wish killua communicated more in general, but they were in a literal war at the age of 12 and sadly didn’t rly have the time to dwell on their own emotions too much; you saw how gon basically drowned in his and practically committed suicide.

killua was aware that gon was deteriorating during the CAA, it’s one of the reasons he kept his deeper feelings and thoughts to himself. it’s why he left in ep. 116– he no longer saw himself as useful or wanted next to gon, and if he wasn’t, then he was a distraction to gon, a problem in the plan.

i do believe he was alr feeling insecure abt his placement in gon’s life during this arc, and those insulting words only increased it more. he wasn’t “good enough” anymore; so, he had to go— at least momentarily.

and considering how guilty killua felt in ep. 113 for momentarily diverging from the plan when he absentmindedly killed those two ants at the elevator in order to help ikalgo, i doubt he would feel any confidence to do smth which could also cause a divergence to the plan even more and to a more intense degree, which is smth he alr fears and avoids a lot of the time: being honest abt his feelings.

killua is right about a lot of things, esp during this arc. surely, he was right abt his feelings and honesty possibly complicating things.