#help why does hugh look so fine as wolverine

[fmchibi]

not me crushing hard on Logan... again 😗

[nazghoulz]

The Definitive Ranking of Richard Armitage’s Acting Roles, Rated Exclusively by How Hot I Find Him In Screengrabs

Richard Armitage. As a diehard Thorin Oakenshield fan I certainly have a complicated relationship with him, mainly because I can never decide if I find him inherently hot or not. On the one hand, I’m a hardcore Thorinfucker. On the other hand my gay ass sees a headshot of Mr. Armitage and I’m just like, “Oh, no thank you.” So in order to set myself to rights, I have gone through Mr. Armitage’s IMDB and done a definitive ranking of all his 44 screen roles on there, based completely and arbitrarily on how hot I find him in screenshots. (Thank you to all the hardcore Armitage Fuckers who keep wordpress blogs with screengrabs of his various cameos and bit parts; my respect for you cannot be put into words.) I haven’t seen like 90% of these properties, and I didn’t bother to research them, so these are mainly just gut first impressions. I hope this helps anyone else out there who as confused by him as I am. Enjoy ?

44. Father Quart in The Seville Communion/The Man From Rome (2020)   — ??/10

I don’t think this movie is out yet? Idk I haven’t been able to find any stills of him, let alone much information about the movie itself. It’s listed on his IMDB though! And apparently he’s playing a priest...which could be extremely  👁️👁️ if done correctly.

43. Unnamed Naboo Fighter Pilot in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999) — 1/10

OH SWEETIE NO!!!!! This physically pains me to say this, because I unironically love this terrible movie with my whole heart, but unlike a yung Kiera Knightley’s role (pictured front and center) as Padmé’s loyal body double Sabé, this is probably a cameo that we would all like to forget about. The only thing Richard has to offer is this unfortunate turtle-faced realness. This helmet does him no favors.

42. Man in Pub in Boon (1992) — 2/10

As far as I know this is Richard’s first acting credit on IMDB, and he for sure is working the background extra energy. Go on girl give us nothing! He does have a decent backside though, and it’s better than looking at unfortunate turtle face, so I give this one a 2.

41. Paul Andrews in Between the Sheets (2003)  — 2/10

I can’t really articulate why, but I absolutely despise every screenshot I see of Richard Armitage in this role. He is completely unhot, and not even in a way I can laugh at. He takes no advantage of his assets, he has no charisma, no magnetism, no nothing. This is Richard Armitage at his most white bread rando, in a way that makes me actively dislike him. Pbbbbttth. Bad. Throw this whole thing away.

40. Craig Parker in Casualty (2001)  — 2/10

I don’t know, it’s like the perfect storm of the gelled 2001 hair, the terrible quarter? eighth? zip sweater, and overall, er, skeezy vibes that he gives off that makes him particularly unhot in this role. Perhaps not as reprehensible as Unhot Paul, but still. I think the sheer boringness of this has to count for something. Blech.

39. Dr. Tom Steele in Doctors (2001) — 2.5/10

He honestly looks like a villain in an early season of Alias, which... well. Quentin Tarantino was cast as a bit-part villain in Alias season one, so take that as you will. But at least he’s compelling here, which is why he gets half a point over Unhot Paul.

38. Steven in Frozen (2005) — 3/10

Get some rest, tall child! You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends! Also short haircuts do nothing for you, Richard. Styled like this, they just serve to make you look sort of like a sleaze.

37. Peter Macduff in ShakespeaRe-Told (2005) — 3/10

He honestly looks like he could be a guest star in Friends in this one, where he’s a guy named Jason who Ross meets in Central Perk where they find they have a lot in common. Ross introduces Jason to Monica and they really hit it off, but it all comes crashing down because while Jason is sensitive and writes poetry, he also thinks that the Earth is flat. The rest of the episode is trying to get rid of Jason while he becomes increasingly obsessed with Monica, and Ross cannot quite let go trying to prove to Jason that the world is round. Anyway. Macduff Flat Earth Jason isn’t quite as unhot as Unhot Paul, but he’s pretty much on the same level as Tired Steven.

36. Phillip Durrant in Marple (2007) — 3/10

Something about him in this image really makes me want to punch him in the face. It’s huge Peter Parker in Spider-Man 3 energy.

35. Young Claude Monet in The Impressionists (2006) — 3.5/10

I’M LOSING MY FUCKING MIND THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND IS !!! CARNIVAL BARKER !!!!! STEP RIGHT UP TO SEE THE WORST GOATEE IN HISTORY !!! I was actually going to give Yung Claude a 2 but the more I look at this terrible beard the more impressed I am with the boldness of this look, so I had to bump it up to 3.5. Idk. Just look at this. It’s incredible, especially knowing what kind of beard Armitage can grow himself !!!!!!!!

34. Heinz Kruger in Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) — 3.5/10

This is definitely the best looking he’s been so far in this list, but he’s a Nazi in this one, which makes him unsexy on principle. But do I feel a little something when he gets pinned to the ground by jacked Chris Evans with the above look on his face right before he swallows his cyanide pill? Can neither confirm nor deny. They are also truly playing into his inherently sinister bone structure, so I can respect that.

33. Percy Courtney in Miss Marie Lloyd (2007) — 4/10

Even including Yung Claude and Nazi Heinz, I think Nothing Percy is probably the weakest of Richard’s period looks, mostly because he looks like, well, nothing. He certainly doesn’t pull off that top hat like he does in North and South, and the secret to that might be the lack of sideburns. In this one he just sort of reminds me of the asshole fiance in Titanic.

32. Philip Turner in The Inspector Lynley Mysteries (2005) — 4/10

He’s really giving off bargain bin Hugh Jackman as Wolverine vibes here, if Logan’s energy was more “murderer in a Hallmark channel mystery” than “superhero.” Though, given what sort of show this is, that may be the point! Idk, this isn’t the worst. At least he has a decent haircut in this one. Still, I feel absolutely nothing when I look at him. He’s simply royalty-free stock music given human form.

31. Dr. Alec Track in The Golden Hour (2005) — 4.5/10

I could see how this conceivably be sexy in this role, but to be honest, he’s still nothing to me, sorry. He gets some extra points because he obviously worked out for this role and the hard nips through a white undershirt is a commendable look. I whole-heartedly respect Doctor Alec’s thottitude.

30. Daryl in Staged (1999) — 4.5/10

Speaking of thottitude!!!!! This is one cream-faced business boy that I can certainly get into! He looks like the love interest in a pre-Hayes code homoerotic thriller from the early 1930s. I’m sure that’s just because of the lighting and general staging of this production, but hm... demure. Love it.

29. Capt. Ian Macalwain in Ultimate Force (2003) — 4.5/10

Well, he looks like a character from M*A*S*H but with no charisma, or like an extra in The Great Escape who snitches on Steve McQueen to the Nazis. Also in half the pictures I find of him from this he’s wearing this terrible beret, which I know he can pull off because of a role that ranks much higher on this list. Whoever styles this man really needs to pay attention to what sort of headgear they put on him.  

28. Epiphanes in Cleopatra (1999) — 5/10

Speaking of headgear, you know what?? He doesn’t look awful here. A solid 5, perfectly acceptable. I think the helmet does a lot to accentuate the sharpness of his face in this extremely bit part, though the eyeliner definitely also helps as well.

27. John Mulligan in Moving On (2009) — 5/10

Mr. Armitage’s characters can really have potential when a production’s stylist allows him to wear scruff (IN A WAY THAT LOOKS NATURAL, LOOKING AT YOU YUNG CLAUDE). However, as it is with John Mulligan in Moving On here, he just sort of looks like a rando? They’re not playing into the inherent angularity of his face, which for me makes it sort of confusing regarding what sort of emotion I’m supposed to feel while looking at him. As it is, I’m just like, “Yup, that sure is a regular human man, right there.”

26. Smug Man at Party in This Year’s Love (1999) — 5/10

This is the face of a man who less smug and is more DRUNK OUT OF HIS MIND !!!! Idk. He’s cute here, I’ll admit. That’s all I have to say about it.

25. John Standring in Sparkhouse (2002) — 5.5/10

I enjoy the bold choice of giving him wavy hair in this one, but I’m not sure he quite pulls it off. It doesn’t look bad, per se, just... he looks completely nonthreatening. Which I guess could be someone’s thing, but not mine. He honestly looks like a knock-off Will Graham, sans dogs and trauma.

24. Gary in Into the Storm (2014) — 5.5/10

I think the thing that really gets me is that this character’s name is Gary. Who on God’s green Earth looks at Richard Armitage and goes, “Ah yes, you do look like a Gary” ??? I don’t think I know of a single non-American Gary, especially since the name Gary only got popularized after Gary Cooper renamed himself after his hometown of Gary, Indiana!!!! It wasn’t really a name for human men before that!!!! I want to live in the alternate universe where Frank Cooper was originally from Albuquerque and named himself Albuquerque Cooper and this character is named as such. Gary. Really.

23. King Oleron in Alice Through the Looking Glass (2016) — 5.5/10

I truly hate how much his facial expressions in these stills remind me of Thorin, considering how bad he looks otherwise. Like his face his fine, I guess, especially since this is the first instance of his full beard. I’m charmed despite myself! Take me to wonderland, O King.

22. Adam Price in The Stranger (2020) — 5.5/10

For as compelling as people call this series, Richard here isn’t very much so imo. But despite my utter lack of interest, he doesn’t look bad per se. He just sort of has that stubbly white man blandness that colors a lot of his more recent roles. Like, at least his bad mid-2000′s styling had character. This is just the visual representation of a vague handwave.

21. Harry Kennedy in The Vicar of Dibley (2006)  — 6/10

Gosh... floppy hair, cute sweaters... he also seems to be smiling a lot in this one, which is nice! The only thing I have to complain about is that he looks very much like if Bradley Cooper and Hugh Jackman circa Kate and Leopold had a baby, which may not necessarily be too much of a bad thing, but I can’t unsee it.

20. Sgt. John Porter in Strike Back (2010)  — 6/10

Ah, back to poorly suited haircuts. At least he’s a little bit gritter and grimier than we’ve seen so far, and I will say Richard Armitage does look good covered in dirt, as we will see later on. Also he’s got biceps in this one, which, hell yeah.

19.  Ricky Deeming in Inspector George Gently (2007)  — 6/10

I’M HAVING THE HARDEST TIME RIGHT NOW RANKING THIS ONE BC OF THIS INCREDIBLE LITTLE WHITE SCARF-RIDING LEATHERS COMBO!!! WHICH ABSOLUTE GENIUS DECIDED THIS!!!! EVERY SCREENSHOT OF HIM IN HIS EPISODE HAS THIS!!! Part of me just wants to give Stylish Ricky a big fat 10 because I’m gay and adore the sheer audacity of this look, but I still have to be fair and rank his overall aura accordingly. I think he’s a handsome extremely gay-coded motorcycle lad in this one, but he doesn’t exactly rev my engine, so to speak.

18. Lucas North in Spooks (2008) — 6/10

The tattoos really spice this one up. Luke could have been plagued by the problems inherent in Regular Mulligan’s Moving On styling, but this guy has an edge to him. He has a good haircut and 5′ o’clock shadow, which is something I’ve figured out is integral to Armitage Hotness. I feel like if I got to know this character I could possibly find him sexy.

17. Raymond de Merville in Pilgrimage (2017) — 6.5/10

Speaking of bad haircuts, this one is his undoing. This is almost the perfect balance between full beard and short haircut, which is the only way a short haircut works on this man, but they ruined it with this one! They gave him a bad bowl fade, which completely undoes any inherent sexiness that comes with being a knight. Not even the fact that he’s covered in dirt can turn me on at this point, ugh. Guy of Gisbourne he is not!!!

16. Tom Calahan in Brain on Fire (2016) — 6.5/10

Oh hell yes, WELCUM 2 DA DILF ZONE!!! I’m not super duper thrilled with the looks I’ve seen from this movie, but he seems scruffy and comfy in a way that is slightly refreshing for ol’ Richard. This is certainly the best of his normie looks so far. I’m just sad it took them 24 years to figure out how to style him properly for sympathetic roles in a contemporary setting.

15. James in My Zoe (2019) — 6.5/10

It’s another DILF look, slightly edgier than Comfy Tom but none of that sexy tired energy that we’ll see from Ocean’s 8. I don’t know !! Jimmy here doesn’t exactly thrill me, I think I prefer Tom’s flannels to this sharp bomber jacket/white t shirt combo seen here. Oh well! I am extremely  👀 👀 👀 👀 👀 that he can just casually palm that soccer ball like that.

14. John Thornton in North & South (2004)  — 7/10

Alright. I’m sorry. I just don’t find him that hot in this role. Like yeah, he’s got the scruff and the sideburns that work to his advantage, and the setting does make this character inherently sexy, but in some screenshots he screams too much of an aforementioned Kate and Leopold (the best Meg Ryan movie, imo) era Hugh Jackman to me. And if I was particularly into that, I would just watch Kate and Leopold again. I will admit, however, that this rating could be subject to change if I actually took the time to watch this show.

13. Chop in Urban and the Shed Crew (2015) — 7/10

...I’M??? INTO IT??? He’s dirty and scruffy but also has kind eyes.... I feel like this is knock off Will Graham who has blossomed into his own. His run down, grime-covered own. He’s back edging into Bradley Cooper territory, but somehow it works for him in this one. Like, I’m 89% sure it’s the DILF vibes I’ve been getting from the other screengrabs I’ve seen of this role, and this particular flavor of DILF is way sexier than Jimmy or Comfy Tom.

12. Francis Dolarhyde in Hannibal (2015) — 7/10

His Caesar cut doesn’t bother me quite so much in this, probably because he is pretty explicitly playing a villain in a series that doesn’t have any basis in reality. A villain who is ripped, and who can effortlessly throw real Will Graham around. Armitage uses his inherent sinisterness to great effect as the Red Dragon, which is good actually! I think a lot of how hot he is in any particular role really depends on whether the styling allows him to play to his strengths...idk! I’m not usually a huge fan of clean shaven Armitage, but it works for Frank here.

11. Daniel Miller in Berlin Station (2016) — 7/10

As much as I adore this particular look (beard + fade + green army jacket), I have to compromise and give Danny a 7/10 because it seems like the first season they styled him in usual stubbly white man blandness. I’d say screengrabs from s1 are a solid 6, while this might be an 8, so the average is a 7. That’s all I have to say about this!

10. Claude Becker in Ocean’s 8 (2018) — 7.5/10

!!!!! I love him in this role, I about had a conniption in the theater because I absolutely was not expecting him!! He looks perfectly ruffled and scruffy, edgier than either Comfy Tom or Jimmy, which I’m very into. That plus his two borzois (objectively the best looking dogs on the planet) really put Old Claude over the top for me. Thank you, thank you Hollywood stylists for finally figuring out what to do with him for roles as a Normal Man.

9. Richard Hall in The Lodge (2019) — 7.5/10

I don’t know anything about this movie, but it seems pretty spooky, which I’m into. I think Richard is well suited for this sort of horror/thriller role, where his angular features can play into the overall vibe rather than some hapless stylist trying to work around them. He looks like another cozy DILF here but with a bite to him, like someone who would do anything to protect his brood. I mean, he’s teaching this child to shoot! But idk, he also has the potential for Jack Nicholson in The Shining energy, which I also could be....hm... into. Idk. Is this on Netflix??

8. Lee in Cold Feet (2003) — 7.5/10

FUN!!! FLIRTY!!!! OTTER VIBES!!!!! I LOVE THIS, he seems so goofy here, and Armitage doesn’t usually pull off goofy that well! I’ve giggled at literally every screenshot I could find from the four episodes he was in this show, he seems like a real himbo. I’m a huge fan, even if it comes at the cost of dehydration abs.

7. William Chatford in Malice Aforethought (2005) — 7.5/10

Hoo hoo HOO DO NOT JUDGE ME!!!!!!! Maybe it’s just because I’ve been watching the new season of The Alienist and the new dark and gritty HBO reboot of Perry Mason back to back, but sue me, I love the bold choice they made with giving him a pencil moustache here. He looks like a hot Howard Hughes; if cream-faced business boy Daryl from Staged is the young ingenue in the pre-Hayes Code thriller I cast him in, Bill here is the sexy antagonist. I desperately want to hear a perfect Transatlantic accent coming out out of that  mouth. This look fucks and I’m sticking to that no matter what.

6. Trevor Belmont in Castlevania (2017) — 8/10

Ah, yes, speaking of king himbos... do me a favor and look me right in the eye and tell me that you wouldn’t fuck Trevor Belmont. You can’t, can you?????? At least 80% of Richard Armitage’s inherent hotness stems from his voice, and you can’t tell me there isn’t anything sexier than thinking about letting that guy loose in a recording studio and letting him say fuck. Look, Trevor may be drawn that way, but it’s the absolute stupidity coming out of his mouth in that sweet baritone that makes me want to be raw-dogged by 100% pure Romanian beef.

5. Dr. Scott White in Sleepwalker (2017) — 8/10 

Much like I had intimated when talking about Hot Danny in Berlin Station, this is Peak contemporary normie Richard Armitage styling. I honestly think The Hobbit either awakened something in him, or casting directors finally figured out he looks way good with a full beard. His crew cut even works with his whole look, which is a miracle!!!! I think he should be contractually obligated to have a full beard in all of his future roles, but that’s just me.

4. Guy of Gisbourne in Robin Hood (2006) — 8.5/10

I honestly can’t believe I’m ranking Guy so far up here, but honestly, THIS RULES!!!!!! THIS FUCKS!!!!!!!!! Which is incredible due to Guy’s lack of beard, but I’m weirdly okay with it? Like sure, he looks like he’d probably call me a slur in front of his shitty friends, but he also looks like he could tenderly pound me into the mattress in a way that would have me questioning my commitment to the “no emotions” clause of our clandestine no-strings-attached sex agreement. Anyway. Guy of Gisbourne if you see this im free thursday night. please message me back if you’re free thursday night when i am fr

3. Angus in Macbeth (1999) — 8.5/10

HHHNGHGNHNGHGN HE’S SO HOT.....!!! HE’S SO HOT!!!!! Leather jacket!!! Scruff!! Dirt!!!! Flattering beret!!!!! He’s so hot, and the worst part about this is that this was filmed in NINETEEN NINETY NINE!!!!!!!!!!!! Which means we could have always had this, had stylists and makeup artists PLAYED TO HIS STRENGTHS!!!!! He’s so hot I’m getting legitimately angry. Without scruff and dirt this man is nothing. N o t h i n g.

2. John Proctor in The Crucible (2014) — 9/10

Look, I know I have a type. But... this guy is just so hot, Daniel Day Lewis please step aside!!!! Contemporary theater historians describe John Proctor as a “strong beast of a man,” and... hhhHHOOOGH HELL YEAH!!! HELL !!!! YEAH !!!!! Like, his dick got almost his entire Puritan village, including himself, accused of witchcraft and like, looking at this guy, I kind of get it. I would probably go to war over the raw animal beauty of this horrible dirty, greasy man. Sue me, I confess. I saw Goody Osburn with the devil.

1. Thorin II Oakenshield in The Hobbit Trilogy  — 9.5/10

Come on. You knew it was going to be this guy. Look at my icon for christ’s sake. I am completely biased, I cannot look at his pictures objectively. Anyway. Thank you so much for reading, this was a very stupid list.

[spaceorphan18]

Marvel Movie Night: X-Men The Last Stand

So - when this came out, I worked at a theater.  We got to see an early screening of it.  When we walked my mom turned to me and said -- that wasn’t good, right? I had to agree.  

So.  Here we are.  I feel like I have a very complicated relationship with this film, because I know a crap ton about X-Men and knowing more means this film feels like even more of a mess than maybe a general audience would know.  It’s hard to really comment on whether or not this is a good film.   It’s definitely far more watchable than the Fantastic Four, or the other Marvel related films coming out at the time that weren’t Spider-Man.  However, it doesn’t hold together too well overall.  

The biggest issue this film has is that it’s trying to shove too many story lines with too many mutants into one film, and it kind of fails at everything that it’s trying to do.  

But first - a comment on production.  It was kind of a mess (though, I’m super fascinated that there was an original draft of this that Emma Frost played by Sigourney Weaver.  Damn, I’m sad we didn’t get that).  Directors switched, writers switched, actors were no longer under contract -- and I mean, most productions have things change, but all of this resulted in this film getting pulled in fifteen different directions, and I do thing that did have an effect on the final result.  

So - let’s talk about what this film is trying to do.  

The Dark Phoenix saga.  One of the most iconic X-Men stories ever told, and it is for a reason.  Having just reread it last month, it’s egregious to me how much this movie misses the point.  Look - I’m fine, in general, when other media changes original stories for adaptations.  Film is not comics, but I do think you need to understand the essence of the story in order to do it well in an adaptation.  And The Last Stand just doesn’t understand the Phoenix story.  

See - in the comics, it’s a lot about manipulation, control, and power - and how Jean Grey is being manipulated, but breaks out of it with her extreme power.  (There’s also a ton about crazy space forces, but I understand why they didn’t go there, it’s... uber complicated.)  But, the point is that this ends up being an internal story -- how Jean deals with the power once she’s broken free from the manipulation, how how her relationships with various X-Men help her cope with split identity.  At the end -- with her friends behind her, she decides to end her own life, and her sacrifice is make sure she doesn’t destroy the universe.  And it’s very beautifully told.  

There are three things (major) things I have issue with in this film -- 1. With the exception of Cyclops, in a limited role, and slightly Xavier, Jean’s relationships with other people are just not explored enough to have an emotional impact; 2. At no point is Jean ever back in control of her own agency.  Xavier manipulates her, then Magneto, then she just stands around for a long time until Wolverine finally kills her.  It cheapens everything about Jean Grey and agency the original story has, and I hate it.  3. The story in the movie seems to service the goddamn Logan/Jean Grey love story that I hate in the comics, and I hate it more here - but I’ll spare you the diatribe.  

The other thing, though... The animated series got this right -- but it could because it had time to.  See, the comics drew this whole story out for years, and it’s emotional pay off works better over a long period of time, which a two hour movie just doesn’t have.  And it’s especially hurt when it’s truncated due to a whole other plot in the film.  Which leads me to... 

The Cure - the second plot of the film.  Joss Whedon’s Astonishing X-Men at the time was a big hit, so they decided to use this story.  It’s not a bad story -- it has to do with the big political element that the X-Men always are dealing with, and that’s fine.  But, because it can’t be the full focus, it too feels overstuffed.  (Really the film wants to be this plot, and should have never done Dark Phoenix in the first place.)

Unfortunately, because they need to shoehorn in Magneto, the brotherhood, the Morlocks, and every other mutant in the X-Universe (except Gambit for some reason) - this turns into a mess, where Magneto is his Silver Age, scenery chewing self, and a whole lot of people punch each other because that’s what these third acts usually devolve into.  The Cure story line is and can be a much smaller story, too, and maybe works better as such, but this is a major blockbuster - which I’m sure studio mandates a certain amount of CGI nonsense.  Ah well.  

Other Thoughts (dear god, get ready for all the thoughts!): 

The Danger Room scene at the beginning of the film is a goddamn delight -- that is how you use the X-Men working as a team, and that’s how you use Wolverine in a good capacity. 

One thing I’ll credit this film - it does better with its action sequences, and specifically letting the X-Men actually work as a team.  

I can’t help but feel, though, that I wish more of the classic X-Men teams had been together for their last stand.  Something about Wolverine’s little pep talk felt hollow - maybe because these characters we’ve barely met and/or interacted with and the emotional resonance isn’t there. 

FWIW - the special effects in this film are such an upgrade than all the crud had has come before it -- especially Fantastic Four, which was only a year or so earlier.  

Hugh Jackman has finally really settled in his role as Wolverine, he’s great, yadda, yadda

Famke Janssen continues to be an excellent Jean Grey, and I’m sorry her story line stunk so badly.  The scene with her and Wolverine, where she goes through the gamut of emotions, is really quite wonderful.  It’s a shame she spends half the movie just standing (or sitting) there.  

I understand that James Marsden kind of tapped out of the franchise to go do Superman, but I’m so sad that they really didn’t do Cyclops well in any of these films.  He’s such a great character, and you wouldn’t know it at all by these films. 

The Beast! Who’d have thought that Kelsey Grammer would have been a good choice for Beast -- but it works.  

I think Halle Berry asked for more to do as Storm.  Well -- she has more to do, but she still doesn’t feel like Storm.  I want an X-Men film where she Ororo Monrue is given the proper chance to shine. 

Oh - I should mention Storm vs Callisto is a thing here, as an easter egg to long time fans, but it’s not satisfying to me as a long time fan because, like, most everything in this film, they kind of fucked it up.  

Meanwhile... oh Rogue, maybe we shouldn’t get me started on how my favorite X-Man is the utter worst in this film.  Not only is she barely in this film but... this is such a complicated issue for this character -- to be given five minutes of screen time is just the utter worst.  And no, Rogue would never do that.  No, no, no.  

Ellen Page as Kitty Pryde is amazing, and she should have had her own movie.  I find it hilarious, though, that she and Iceman kinda flirt with each other here -- since Iceman is canonically gay, and Kitty is subtextually bi.  It’s just... funny.  

Iceman - in his ice form.  Yes, more of this. 

Angel is here! He literally does nothing, but he doesn’t do much in the comics either, so it kinda hilariously works.  I like the actor, too, he’s a great match.  

The dude playing Colossus is a delight - again, more screen time needed! I kinda love that he’s just carrying around a TV to show his strength. 

Lord help me - the Juggernaut is the worst.  I hated that meme.  I hate that he looks like a literal dick head.  I hate that he’s portrayed as a mutant when he’s not, etc, etc.  

There’s so much more to comment on, but I’ll spare you the time -- I mean there’s Moira MacTaggart, and the Morlocks - who are also the Omega Gang?, and Leech, and Eric Dane playing Multiple Man, and really... they brought in Stacey X (you guys ask me about Stacey X...), and apparently Psylocke is supposed to be in here somewhere, and sentinel camoes, and Trask, and Mystique...  But, this review is long enough. 

I do need to point out - the President is played by Josef Somer, who played Ducksworth in The Mighty Ducks, and I can only think of ‘quacking’ whenever I look at him. 

Final Thoughts: It’s probably more enjoyable for a non-fan than a hardcore X-Man fan.  It’s not as bad as people make it out to seem, but it’s not good either.  Overall, there’s a lot of potential that gets squandered and exploded.  Ah well.  

[morbid-mary]

What A Furry Ride

Chapter 6 Set in Episode 7

They scramble inside the building and pull the doors closed. “Lock it! Lock it!” Scott says frantically. “Does it look like I have a key?!” Stiles says. Dani grabs the handles and uses her weight to help keep the doors shut. "Grab something!" Scott says. “What?!” Stiles asks. “Anything!” Scott says. “Hey-hey! Where are the cutters?” Dani asks. Stiles stands up and looks out the window. “They’re outside..” he mumbles. 

“Stiles no” Scott says. Stiles tries to open the door and Dani snatches him away from it. “What the hell!” He says. “You are not going out there” She says. “How are we suppose to lock the doors?” Stiles asks. “I will get them” Dani says. The two of them start yammering in protest. “HEY!” she yells, getting their attention. “I am the only one going outside to get those cutters now keep quiet and stay away from the doors” Dani says.

“What? No, you’re not going out there!” Scott says. “Yeah, who made you team leader?” Stiles says. “Because it is my job to keep you safe” Dani states firmly. Stiles and Scott simply nod. She looks at them and gives a soft smile to try to calm them down. “We’ll get through..I promise” she says and ruffles Scott’s hair. Dani was trying very hard not to lose it. She just watched her friend die in front of her, the alpha is going to eat them, her brother is starting to panic, and Stiles will follow suit pretty soon.

 Dani looks out the window to see if the coast was clear while she slips off her shoes. “What are you doing?” Scott asks. “I run faster with no shoes” Dani says. “You can’t outrun the alpha! It’s the freaking alpha!” Stiles says. So many sarcastic come backs popped into her head. She settles for a zinger. She tosses her shoes and adjusts her skirt. “I don’t have to outrun the alpha..I just have to outrun you” she says.

Dani slips outside and looks around. The cutters were a little ways down the steps. She takes a deep breath and quickly tiptoes down the steps in her polka dot socks. She squats down, watching her surroundings as she grabs the cutters. The alpha crawls out from behind Stiles’s jeep and her heart almost stopped. The boys start banging on the window and shout for her. The alpha charges and Dani makes a break for it. Scott and Stiles yank her inside and she slides the cutters in place, locking the doors.

“Are you okay?” Scott asks. “I almost peed myself” She admits. The three of them slowly stand and look out the windows in the doors. No alpha. “Where is it?” Scott asks. Stiles pulls out his giant flashlight and flashes it out the window, trying to find the alpha. Dani snatches the flashlight and turns it off. “Are you nuts?! Did you not see what happened to those kids in ‘Jurassic Park’?!” Dani scolds. “Oh crap” Stiles says. 

He remembered the scene she was talking about. In the first movie the older sister was flashing the flashlight around in that jeep they were in. It was like a beacon for the T-Rex. Then it tried to eat them, then the car, then pushed them off the cliff. “I do not want to get eaten, okay!” Dani says. Stiles nods and takes the flashlight back. 

“That wont hold will it?” Scott asks. Dani backs them away from the door. “Probably not” Stiles says. They look down the dark hallway. “Come on we gotta hide somewhere” Dani says. The sound of a howl cuts the short silences and they take off running down the hallway. They get into a classroom. Scott and Stiles grab the teachers desk and slide it. The desk makes a loud screeching noise against the floor. “Stop, stop” Stiles says.

“The door’s not gonna keep it out” Stiles says. “Neither will this wall of windows” Dani says and gestures for them to move back toward the door. “It’s your boss” Stiles says. “What?” Scott says. Dani gently guides them toward the door. “Deaton, the alpha, your boss” Stiles says. “No!” Scott says. “Yes! He’s a murdering psycho werewolf!” Stiles says. “I’m sorry sweetie, but it makes sense” Dani says. 

“Exactly! He disappears and that thing shows up ten seconds later to toss Derek twenty feet through the air, that’s not convenient timing?” Stiles says. “It’s not him” Scott says. “Honey, he killed Derek!” Dani says. “Derek’s not dead, he can’t be dead” Scott says. “Blood spurted out of his mouth! That doesn’t exactly qualify for-” “-shu-hush, please stop” Dani says. “Are you crying?” Stiles asks. “I’m trying not to and you describing his death when I saw it pretty clearly the first time doesn’t help!” She snarls at him.

“Oh my God” Stiles groans. “I get it, we’re next!” Scott says. “What do we do?” He adds. They both look at Dani. “Come on, red leader” Stiles says. Dani growls and thinks for a second. “We can’t run so we have to figure out a way to get to the cars. When we get out there, we take my car” Dani says. “What, and leave my jeep here?!” He says. “My car is not a stick shift and starts up a lot faster than yours so we will take my car” she says firmly. 

The boys move over to the windows. “Hey, hey get away from there” Dani says. Scott tries to jimmy one of the window settings. “That won’t work Scott now back up, both of you” She says. “Stiles what’s wrong with the hood of your jeep?” Scott asks. “What do you mean?” Stiles asks and pulls away from Dani, standing by the windows. “It’s bent” Scott says. “What, like dented?” Stiles asks. “No, that’s ripped open” Dani corrects. Her heart tights in her chest and she reaches for the boys. “Move, now” She says.

The three of them quickly move towards the door. Something crashes through the windows behind them. Dani grabs Scott and Stiles and pulls them down behind the desk for cover. “What was that?” Scott asks. Stiles tries to get up to see, but Dani extends her arm and flattens him against the back of the desk. Stiles lets out an incoherent noise and rubs his chest. Dani leans over, poking her head around the edge of the desk. There was a car battery sitting in the floor a few feet away from them. "It’s a car battery” she says. Stiles gets up on his knees and looks over the desk. “That’s my battery” he says.

“We have to move” Dani says. “He could be right outside!” Scott whispers. “He is right outside!” Stiles says. “Just let me take a look” Scott says. “No!” Dani whispers harshly. “Get up, lets go!” she whispers. They walk out out into the dark hallway again and Stiles turns on his flashlight. “This way” Scott says. Dani grabs him, “No, no, no” she says. “What?” Scott says. “For God’s sake man, let red leader lead!” Stiles says. Dani shoots Stiles a look.

“If we’re going to hide somewhere, lets pick a room with no windows” She says. “Every single room in this building has windows” Scott points out. “Well then a room with less windows obviously” Dani says. “The locker room!” Scott says. “Brilliant, lets go!” Dani says. She takes Scott’s hand and they all make their way down to the locker room.

The three of them slip into the locker room. “Call your dad” Scott says. “And tell him what?” Stiles asks. “I don’t know, anything. Gas leak, a fire, whatever. If that thing sees a parking lot full of cop cars it’ll take off!” Scott says. “What if it doesn’t? What if it goes completely terminator and kills every cop in sight? Including my dad!” Stiles says. “They have guns” Scott says. Dani sighs and shakes her head. “That’s not gonna be enough. Derek had to get hit by a wolfsbane laced bullet in order to slow him down. He’s just gonna take it like wolverine and heal.” Dani says. “And that’s when wolverine would get angry and kill everybody!” Stiles says. 

“Hugh Jackman is perfect for that role” Dani says. “He really is” Stiles says. “I mean, he’s the right build for the character and I really like how they did his hair too” Stiles adds. “I know right, Marvel really goes for the details” Dani says. “’X-Men: First Class’ came out this year did you see it?” Stiles says. “Yes, it was so good” Dani says. “Guys!” Scott says. “Right, sorry” Stiles says. “We gotta figure out how to get out of here and like, run for it” Scott says. “There’s nothing near the school for like a mile” Dani says.

“There’s Derek’s car” Scott points out. Stiles’s mouth opens slightly as he gets some ideas. “No, no way” Dani says. “Why not?” Scott asks. “You are not driving a camaro!” Dani says. “Why not?” Scott says. “Fine, but I’m making you grab the keys off his body and I’ll drive it, not you!” Dani says. Scott scoffs and Dani cuts him off before he could say anything. “And Stiles-” She pulls out her keys. “-Will drive my car with you riding shotgun” She says. 

They were about to start yammering again when Dani drops her keys into Stiles’s hands. “This is not up for debate, okay?” She says. “Fine” Scott says. “This could work” Stiles says. “We get the keys off his body and she’ll take his car” Stiles says. “And him” Scott and Dani say in unison. “Fine, whatever” Stiles says eyeing them both.

They three of them walk over to the door. Dani reaches for the handle and Scott grabs her hand. “What is it?” She asks quietly. Scott heard something. “Shh..” he says. A shadow moves in front of the door. Dani extends her arms backing them up slowly. Stiles turns off his flashlight as they all step backwards. “Hide..now” Dani says. Stiles looks over and grabs at the locker making a lot of noise. “Stiles!” Dani growls. He makes a funny noise as he crams himself into the locker. Dani pushes Scott into a locker before hiding in one herself. 

The door opens. Stiles was trying to look through the slots so he could see. Scott was doing the same thing. Dani, however, was trying to focus on staying calm. She was just barely holding on like a hair on a biscuit. She wanted to break down so badly, but she had to get Scott and Stiles home safely. The door shuts. Stiles covers his mouth with his hand and Scott flattens against the back of the locker. They could hear footsteps. Dani tilts her head, listening carefully. That couldn’t be the alpha. The alpha doesn’t wear shoes. Someone else was in the building.

Scott’s locker is opened by the janitor. The janitor yells and they all scramble out of their lockers trying to get him to shut up. “Be quiet!” Stiles says. “God, what the hell are you guys trying to do, kill me?!” He says. “All of you, get out” he adds. “Just listen for half a second, okay?” Stiles says. “Not okay, get the hell out of here right now!” The janitor says and pushes them all out the door. “Just one second to explain!” Stiles says. “Just shut up and go-” Something grabs the janitor yanking him back into the locker room. Dani grabs the boys and drags them up the stairs away from the screams. 

Allison was standing at the end of her driveway, waiting. Scott was suppose to come over and he was very late. Her phone rings and she answers it. “Lydia says we’re coming to get you” Jackson says. “Please don’t I’m sure he’s on his way he’s only..twenty six minutes late..” She says and sighs. “You hear that? First it’s “he’s only twenty six minutes late” months later it’s “he only hits me when he’s drunk” slippery slope Allison, slippery slope!” Lydia says. “We’re picking you up” Jackson says. “No” Allison says. “Too late” Jackson says. 

Allison turns around as Jackson’s car pulls up. She walks over and Jackson rolls his window down. “Lydia gets what Lydia wants” He says. “Come on get in, we can stop by his place and see if he’s there” Jackson says. Allison gets a text from a new number. “Is that him with the best explanation ever for why he’s half a freaking hour late?” Lydia says with a snide little attitude. Allison shakes her head, “Not exactly..”

Dani, Scott, and Stiles are booking it up one of the hallways. They slam into the back entrance doors expecting them to open, but they were blocked. “What the hell?” Stiles says. Scott pushes the door open just barely and sees that the massive dumpster is what’s blocking the doors. “It’s the dumpster” he says. “He pushed it in front of the door locking us in” Stiles says. “Fantastic” Dani says. 

They walk back up the hallway. “I’m not dying here, I’m not dying at school” Stiles says. “We’re not going to die” Scott says. “We’re gonna get out of here guys, I promise” Dani says. “We just gotta hold it together a little longer” she adds. “What does he want!” Stiles says. He was now starting to panic. Dani knew it would happen at some point. “Me! Derek says it’s stronger with a pack! Scott says. “There’s no way in hell I’m letting him take you” Dani says.

Scott stops, looking out the windows. Dani and Stiles turn and look where he’s staring. The alpha was on the opposite roof on the other side of the courtyard. “Oh my God” Dani says softly. The alpha starts making his way along the roof towards the three of them. “GO!” Dani yells. Right as they take off running the alpha bursts through the glass. He regains his bearings quickly and chases after them. Dani slams the stairwell door open and pushes the boys ahead of her. They fly down the steps and through the doors at the bottom. 

Jackson pulls up at the school and climbs out of the car. “What are they doing here anyway?” he asks. Allison climbs out of the backseat. “All I got was this” she says and shows Jackson the text. ‘Meet me at the school URGENT - Scott’ “They lock the doors at night, you know” Lydia says. “That one’s open” Allison says, pointing to the front. It was the door Dani, Scott, and Stiles had locked earlier with the lock cutters. But the doors were open with the cutters propped against one of the doors.

Jackson follows Allison to the steps. “You don’t need me to state the obvious right?” he says. “That it looks like they broke into the school, no” Allison says. Jackson looks at the door then back at Allison. “Want me to come with you?” he asks. “No it’s okay?” Allison says, shaking her head. She starts for the steps, “Hey, Allison” Jackson says. He closes his eyes for a moment and shakes his head. “You have this look like you’re about to say be careful” Allison says. “I am” Jackson says. Allison smiles and takes the flashlight he was holding out to her. “Don’t worry, I’ll be right back” she says and flashes the light at him. 

The panicking trio was now in the lower level of the school. The slide around a corner and flatten against a wall of lockers. Scott peaks his head around the corner. The alpha snarls and turns, heading down a separate area of the room they all were in. “What are we gonna do?” Scott asks. “I don’t know, kill it, hurt it, put mental anguish on it, something” Stiles says. The alpha’s howl makes them all jump.

Dani looks over seeing the steel door that lead to the boiler room was open. There were no windows and no other way out of there except for that door. Dani slips her hand into Stiles’s jacket pocket. He flinches and slaps at her hand. She smacks him upside the head and pulls his keys out. She jingles them and throws them into the boiler room before pulling the boys behind the door. The alpha roars and chases the sound into the boiler room. Dani and the boys slam the door shut. She slides the lock in place while the boys grab a long desk and push it against the door. 

The alpha roars and slams against the door. It doesn’t budge. A wave of relief washes over the three of them. Dani’s whole body felt like jello all of a sudden. She wasn’t use to all that adrenaline. The alpha lets out several growls and roars of frustration. “Suck it” Dani huffs out and leans against the desk they pushed in front of the door.

Jackson and Lydia sat quietly in the car while they wait for Allison to come back. Jackson looks at Stiles’s jeep that wasn’t too far from them. “Do you see that?” He asks. “See what?” Lydia asks. “The hood on that piece of crap jeep looks crappier than usual” Jackson says. Jackson moves to unbuckle his seat belt. “Where are you going?” Lydia asks. “To take a look, stay here” Jackson says. Lydia’s eyes go wide. “I’m not staying in the car” she says. “Just stay in the damn-” “-Do not leave me alone in the car!” She interrupts. “Fine” Jackson says. 

They climb out of the car and walk over to Stiles’s jeep. They look at the hood. Jackson takes his hand and drags his fingers over the claw marks that were raked all the way down the hood. “Hmm, look at that. It is indeed a piece of crap” Lydia says. Jackson didn’t have a good feeling about all of this. “Can we get Allison and leave now?” She asks. Jackson backs away from the jeep and walks up the to schools. Lydia follows him, clutching her purse tightly.

The alpha slams against the door, hard. “Whoa!” Stiles says in surprise as they all jump. “Scott get across” Dani says. Scott takes her hand and quickly slides over the desk to their side. Stiles slides along the wall, toward the door. “What are you doing?” Scott asks. “I just wanna take a look at it” Stiles says. “No” Dani says firmly. “Why not?” Stiles asks. Dani’s jaw tightens as she stares at him. “If either of you ask me that one more time I swear to God..” She says slowly in a dangerous tone. 

“We could’ve been out of here by now if you two didn’t question every single thing I say” She says. “No wonder Derek gets so frustrated with the two of you so very quickly” she adds. “Oh come on, seriously?” Stiles says. Dani steps closer to him and he flattens against the wall next to Scott, trying to stay at a distance. “It is aggravating as hell” she growls. “You will do as I say, no questions no nothing, you will simply obey” She says in that low, commanding tone. “Do you understand” she says. They sputter out broken responses. “Do you understand!” she repeats. The boys stammer out a few yes’s along with some nervous nodding. 

“Can I ask why I can’t look at it?” Stiles asks. Scott just looks at him like he’s nuts. Dani glares at Stiles. “Okay no looking, right on red leader” He says nervously.  Dani takes a deep breath and her hard expression softens. Commander Dani scared the crap out of Stiles. He liked Loving Sister-y Dani. He was sure Scott would agree with him. She was terrifying when she was angry. 

“Come on let’s get out of here” Dani says. “Yes ma’am” Stiles says and salutes her. He desperately needed for her to smile so he could even remotely calm down a bit. She snorts and gives him that smile he needed. Stiles’s smile fades when he hears the alpha roar again. Another noise follows that made them all freeze. The alpha had jumped up into the ceiling and was walking right over them. “Move, go” Dani whispers and they run for their lives. 

Allison wanders through the dark halls with her flashlight. She hadn’t found Scott or Stiles or anybody and she was starting to get worried. “Scott?” She calls. Her voice softly echoes down the empty hall. She continues to wander, hoping she could get a little sliver of a noise, a voice, something. “Dani?” She calls. What she didn’t know was that she was being watched by the very creature that had trapped the three people she was looking for in the first place.

She didn’t know they were trapped or that she was as well. She had crawled inside Coraline’s other mother’s web without even knowing she was walking on that sickening yarn. Her eyes were about to be traded for buttons, but she was enjoying the gravy train that wound around the table. Completely oblivious to what was really happening. She was in for quite the rude awakening. Her father can’t save her this time. The secret door with the magic tunnel was gone and there was no way out. What a furry ride this night will be...

[ghostmartyr]

Pokémon FireRed Nuzlocke [Part 8]

No grinding, no life. The Bill Gaiden Island thingamajig that starts after you beat Blaine has begun, and in the spirit of really wanting our team not to die, we’re running around doing things we don’t care about.

That’s the summary of this whole run.

Kindle Road is a much cooler name. Why didn’t you just name the whole island that, instead of shoving it onto the beach area?

Also, I guess this means a new route!

...With... a Tentacool!

New route, old problems.

Thanks to Blaine, Zaft is now the lowest level of the party at 41. Accordingly, Zaft gets to be up front for this adventure. Good luck, Zaft. We believe in you and so on.

Our belief is immediately rewarded with a level 35 Psyduck. Then another. At 36. Then a level 37 Golduck. Not bad. Zaft thanks you for your sacrifice.

Back on ground, Picnicker Claire wants to throw down. Starting with a level 35 Meowth. Then another level 35 Meowth. Pikachu. Clefairy. Bringing home the win is Zaft once more.

There are a bunch of rocks around here. Does anyone know Rock Smash.

...Okay, fake question.

Can a Pidgey learn Rock Smash?

..

tfw the real question is whether or not I have Rock Smash. I seem not to. Fine.

Camper Bryce!

He has a level 36 Nidorino that looks like a job for... uh. Not Zaft. Po, play nice. Sprinkle gets the Sandslash. Since we’re switching things up, the Raticate can go to Allenby.

I still keep wondering if someone sits down and renames every single NPC based on localization. Keeps me up at night. Anyway, puny level 35 Shellder, you are no match for Zaft. The Cloyster is slightly more intimidating, but that means nothing. Same to the level 38 Wartortle.

A wild double battle appears, so Heero and Allenby go up front. Against Crush Kin Mik & Kia’s level 39 Machoke and Primeape. Yeah, that’s a bit more intimidating. But nowhere near enough.

More Fighting trainers ahead, so Heero stays up front. Have fun, little one.

Black Belt Shea has a level 38 Machop. You mock me, sir. The Machoke is better.

Of the many things you could call Red’s outfit of choice, I’m not sure ‘frivolous’ fits. Black Belt Hugh. Another Machop, but this one’s level 37. Heero takes the food as a sign to learn Slash. Bye, Metal Claw. You were not very helpful. Machoke’s up next. Heero treats it similarly.

Back in the grass, I encounter a Fearow. But Spearow’s line has a check next to it for this run, so we’re still waiting for the proper first encounter for Kindle Road.

IT’S A PONYTA. CATCH IT CATCH IT CATCH IT.

CAUGHT IT.

RISE, FUUNSAIKI.

This is the only part of the run that matters.

Back to the fighting, where Crush Girl Tanya wants a fight. She has a level 38 Hitmonlee. Heero eats it. She has a level 38 Hitmonchan. Heero eats it. A good day is had.

Crush Girl Sharon is next. With a level 37 Mankey. Then a Primeape. I’m sensing a theme with some of these people.

I’m going to be so full of hatred if this extra bit has enough routes for me to fill my Pokedex to 50. RIP Exp. Share. But apparently the Ember Spa is for healing only. Tragic.

We return to water, and so Zaft returns to the front of the squad.

Swimmer Finn’s level 38 Starmie vs Zaft. Ready, fight.

It ain’t much of a fight, let me tell you that.

Swimmer Maria has a level 37 Seadra. Naisu. Then another. This extra area likes me.

Fisherman Tommy has five pokemon, which. I do not think I’ll like. The first one is a level 33 Goldeen. Suspicions confirmed. There’s another one. Allenby, in the spirit of you not becoming obsolete, I think you can take this Trainer. Seaking, level 35. Another Seaking. One last Seaking. Good, that’s over.

I have no memory of this place.

It seems like I need HMs.

I don’t wanna need HMs.

Even though the old man in the spa gave m the Rock Smash one.

Team Rocket is also here.

...Can Pidgey learn Strength?

Hm. Much like Rock Smash, it cannot.

Well. To the PC, I guess.

Hey Bill, what the fuck.

I guess. Uh. The map says there’s another place south of this island, so I guess I’ll explore that and then sadly proceed to whatever it was that Bill wanted me to do for him.

Swimmer Amara, who is presumably not in love with her cousin, has a level 36 Seel. Not anymore. Oh wait, she has another one. Now she’s out, because her last pokemon is a Dewgong.

Is this place named Treasure Beach because I’m expected to use this gen’s terrible Itemfinder. Because I don’t like this gen’s Itemfinder. I don’t like it at all.

Psyduck, I have you. Get out. Spearow, please stop. Tangela, interesting, but no. Fearow, I don’t have you, but the species clause is our hill to die on.

...Can I catch anything on this island? Beach? Thing?

Serebii says no.

Sigh.

I hate this fucking Itemfinder.

I guess I’m done with things here for now.

...Were these originally in English?

I just feel like they might have been.

And then I got a fetch quest for a lost child.

Her name is Lostelle.

The Pokemon Center’s PC doesn’t work either.

Bill.

Get it together.

Ugh. I can’t remember if this is a good idea in a Nuzlocke. 5 PP and 90 accuracy. PP is something I actually worry about in this gen and with this set of limitations.

but 150 damage

;-;

Oh wait, the user can’t do anything the next turn.

Sorry Heero, no Blast Burn.

Good news, there’s a level 14 Poliwag in the water. Its name Rab now.

And once again, I’m out of things to do on this island, so I guess I’m heading to the next one in hopes that it contains Bill’s quest stuff that gives me back the access to my PC.

Oh, sorry, Bill’s PC. -_-

Bill, this island getaway you dragged a ten-year-old along with you on is found wanting.

The Bill Gaiden is the strangest part of this anime.

Hey, Three Island’s PC works! Imagine that!

Anyway, we’ve stepped into the stage of beating up Bikers. Because this is their island now.

The first Biker’s name is Goon. Somehow, this is still probably better than going directly to Giovanni. Goon has a level 37 Koffing. Then a Grimer that looks like Sprinkle’s.

Hence, the ordeal with Goon ends.

Oh wait.

They’re all named Biker Goon.

These guys are so basic they don’t get actual names. #2 has a level 38 Koffing and nothing else. Good for him. #3 has a level 38 Grimer.

Oh good, someone with an actual name.

For the sake of this argument, Paxton is a name. He has a level 39 Weezing. Followed by a Muk. Very on-brand. Sprinkle, go forth.

Aaaaand it’s over.

Okay, time to work out the HM problem. What out of what I have can learn both Rock Smash and Strength? And isn’t a member of my real party.

Gyarados (Altron), Onix (Athrun), Growlithe (Duo), Krabby (Tarle)--

Wait up. Tarle can learn Strength and Rock Smash, yes.

But.

She can also learn Cut.

Quatre, you are being replaced. Even though Ren is technically the one in your slot right now. Tarle! Welcome to the wide world of being an HM slave!

We return to our regularly scheduled grinding-that-is-not-called-grinding-because-of-the-limitations-set-by-this-run. With Twins Joy & Meg. They have a level 37 Clefairy each. I have a Sprinkle and Allenby.

Aroma Lady Violet wants to battle next. She should know better. She throws out a level 36 Bulbasaur. Ivysaur. Next one’s probably a Squirtle. ...No, it’s actually another Ivysaur. Dang it. I was expecting Venusaur. I don’t know why. This gen is very unkind to the NPCs’ pools.

Tuber Alexis has a level 34 Staryu. I have Zaft up front. Oh dear. Krabby, Krabby, Staryu, and done. Sorry kid. I’m taking your money.

Worst ten-year-old ever.

Aroma Lady Nikki is next with a level 37 Bellsprout. Goody. Heero time. Weepinbell is next, and lasts just as long.

Then it’s back to Water. Tuber Amira with... her level 34 Poliwag. Then level 35 Poliwhirl. That one’s a better choice, kid. But then the Poliwag brings it on back.

A Swimmer’s in the water, and what do we get? Tisha with a level 38 Kingler.

Oh. It’s over.

Heero switching to the front for now. As we enter the Berry Forest. Looking for a lost child. Sigh.

Damn it. Do I have to fight this?

Oh, cool, it let me run. Hee. The things you don’t try normally.

And through the power of completing a side quest, we return to Two Island. Now with HMs. Trees shudder before me. And wouldn’t you know that Lostelle’s dad is Bill’s friend? Yay, the quests are over. Time to smash rocks on One Island.

My reward is fighting Pkmn Ranger Beth. She has a level 38 Bellsprout. Gloom. Gloom. They’re gone now.

Hey, Mt. Ember wants me to have something nice! A Geodude first encounter! It’s level 7, but aren’t we all sometimes. I shall name him Arms.

Crush Girl Jocelyn wants a fight. She has a level 38 Hitmonchan, but I have a Heero. She has a second one. I still have a Heero.

Wolverine’s day job. He has a level 37 Exeggcute. Oooh, and then a level 40 Exeggutor. Nice, bro. They’re both gone.

I keep climbing this place.

I hope Moltres isn’t at the end.

I hope more trainers are.

Sigh. Back down we go.

Worse, I think after we talk to Bill... It might be Giovanni time.

After I quickly check if I could grab another Leftovers from the other Snorlax that isn’t Po.

Cool. Grabbed. Here, Sprinkle. You’re gonna be a player character here.

So.

I’m out of Trainers.

Okay.

The team.

I’m going to do whatever I can to keep you guys alive.

You’re actually the first trainer I found in here.

Cooltrainer Yuji. He starts with a level 38 Sandslash. Allenby, I’m wanting you to have opportunity, but really, I’m sensing that there might not be much point. You can have the Sandslash, though. Oh, and the Graveler. Sprinkle’s in the the Marowak. For Onix we can move back to Allenby. And then there’s a Graveler, and that’s good too.

I want to make sure you aren’t too weak for the winter, Allenby.

First trainer done.

Black Belt Atsushi, what do you have. ...A Machop. A level 40 Machop. Then Machoke. Allenby cleans the stage.

Okay, I think after this, Sprinkle’s in front, but if I have the chance to switch before a Black Belt, Allenby can be in front. I don’t want to divide the exp too much. Ridiculously overpowered individual pokemon is still the basic trend I’m fighting for. Sprinkle needs the levels more than Allenby.

One level 43 Rhyhorn. Sprinkle laughs.

Cooltrainer Warren is next. With five pokemon. Starting with a level 37 Marowak. Then a Rhyhorn, a Nidoqueen, a Nidorina, and another Marowak. Geez. I feel like I’m getting drunk on the exp. So little for so long. So much is such large pieces. It’s euphoric. This must be why people do drugs.

A Black Belt follows, so Allenby’s back up front against Black Belt... Takashi. He has a level 38 Machoke. I should really consider giving Allenby a primary Fighting move that isn’t Karate Chop. Machop’s next. Then another Machoke that I Allenby has lost enough HP to worry about. Heero.

I think that’s the end of trainers I can reach without going through the whirly maze. I don’t like the whirly mazes. Too much like Silph. Bad mojo.

But we have Sprinkle! What could possibly go wrong!

No.

Tamer Cole has a level 39 Arbok for some reason. Uh. Po, get over here. Then we have a Tauros, so surprise, Allenby, go get it. Allenby spends a ton of time confused and we’re all sad, but then it works out.

Another Black Belt, another Allenby.

And screw it, we’re in the final chapters. Allenby can have a TM. Brick Break replaces Karate Chop, because I was tired of one of my best Attackers not one-shotting things.

Black Belt Kiyo has one level 43 Machoke. Ready, Allenby?

Allenby slays, Sprinkle goes back in front.

Just in time for Cooltrainer Samuel. He has a level 37 Sandslash. A level 38 Rhyhorn. A level 39 Nidoking. A Nidorino I gift to Po. And a Sandslash brings Sprinkle back in. On to the next.

Oh.

First out is a level 45 Rhyhorn.

Yeah. This is going to be fine until it isn’t. I’m not looking forward to that moment. A level 50 Rhyhorn pops out, and again. Yeah. Oh good, his Nidoqueen is only 44. The Nidoking is 45 because these games can’t quite help being sexist.

A level 42 Dugtrio is... last?

Huh.

Sprinkle?

I’m glad I trained you.

Now then.

I won’t be arrogant enough to say I’ve almost won. I’m the one who lost two of my team to a random Gyarados I didn’t even need. But the number of things left is shrinking very quickly.

I think our rival decides to be a pain right before the League, so Zaft is up front in case of Pidgeot. Other than that, there’s not much I really can do, short of some TM shopping I might consider once I make it through Victory Road. A little on the fence for that, still.

I feel like we’ve done this before. :P

Hopefully this time won’t be too different.

Yep, Pidgeot first. At level 47. Ick. Spark isn’t enough to take it out all the way, so I think I might want to risk another of--okay, no. No to everything about that. No risking. Just heading on forward. That damn thing’s Quick Attack does enough damage to worry about it using other moves.

(Zaft needs another move. I thought one would’ve been learned by now...)

Great, Pidgeot down. And oh look, Turq has a Rhyhorn too. They’re very in this season. Sprinkle, if you wouldn’t mind... It’s level 45, which makes me feel slightly better about everything. Not by much, but I appreciate it.

Heero steps in for Exeggcute. It’s only 45, too.

Blastoise is up.

...Zaft. You’re using Light Screen first, but there are too few exp chances for me to spare you the risk of this one entirely. This is partially why you’re here at all.

It’s level 53. Okay. Zaft, you’re using Light Screen, hopefully living, and then not staying.

Blastoise used Rain Dance.

It is so fucking tempting to have Zaft stay in, but Zaft’s best move is Spark. Which is pretty inexcusable now that I think about it. My only attempt at an excuse would be that I could’ve sworn it was supposed to learn the whatever thing by now.

But in any case, Po. Tank us in.

His Blastoise knows Water Gun.

This game’s idea of balancing fear and actual balance is entertaining at times.

Wow, Body Slam did basically nothing. Oh well. The Blastoise can’t kill Po, so they’re staying locked in a room together until I get the outcome I want.

Po’s a good girl.

Turq’s Growlithe is still a Growlithe, so Allenby!

Alakazam is last. Heero, take the wheel. Hot level 47 v 47 action.

I win!

Hell. Those level differences do not make me happy. Hopefully the main threat is meant to be that three of them haven’t evolved yet, and will have by the end. Otherwise, I hope Victory Road is way more full of trainers than I remember. I do not like this.

...Also.

Hey, ZAFT.

........

Oooooooooh.

Guess who looked at the wrong gen of Electrode’s Pokedex entry?

Okay, first thing on my list next time? We’re getting you Thunderbolt. Because Electro Ball doesn’t exist right now. Uh. Sorry about that. Your crippling overspecialization is. perhaps. now crippling.

Look, let’s just focus on the highs.

I have all eight badges, and I beat my rival. I’m cleared to head through the League. Good, right? We’re all fine here.

[the-desolated-quill]

The Quill Seal Of Approval Awards - The Best Of 2017

It’s an established scientific fact that the real world is horrible. Full of nasty, hideous and deeply unpleasant things like racism, corruption, global warming, terrorism and prawn flavoured crisps. No wonder more and more of us are turning to the world of fiction to escape from our unhappy lives.

Yes a number of good stories have come out this year, and as it’s the last day of 2017, it’s time once again for the Quill Seal of Approval Awards. Where I pick my personal favourite stories of the year and hopefully persuade you to give them a try if you haven’t already.

Before we start, two things. One, this is my list. If you disagree with my choices, that’s absolutely fine. Go make your own list. And two, full disclosure, I haven’t been able to see everything 2017 has to offer for one reason or another. So please don’t be angry at me because movies like Get Out aren’t on this list. I’m sure Get Out is as brilliant as everyone says it is and I’m sure it would win a Quill Seal of Approval Award. I just never got around to watching it this year (also fuck you Golden Globes. Satirical horror is not the same thing as comedy horror. From what I’ve heard, Get Out is not remotely like, say, Shaun Of The Dead or Zombieland. Satire is not synonymous with comedy, you know? It doesn’t need to make you laugh. That’s not a requirement of satire. I mean look at Black Mirror. That’s satirical. What about George Orwell’s Animal Farm? That’s satirical. Would anyone ever consider either of those to be comedies? No! Of course not! Do you know why? Because they’re fucking depressing, that’s why! If you thought either of those were funny, you require serious psychiatric attention, you sicko!)

...

I’m sorry, I went off on a total tangent then. What were we talking about?

A Series Of Unfortunate Events (TV Series)

There had been rumours for ages that we were going to see another attempt to adapt Daniel Handler’s post-modern series of gothic children’s books after the painfully lacklustre movie starring Jim Carrey, and on Friday the 13th January (on my birthday! EEEEEEE!!!), we saw Lemony Snicket’s A Series Of Unfortunate Events arrive on Netflix. Speaking as a massive fan of the books, I absolutely adored this adaptation. TV is just such a better medium for the Baudelaires than the movie was.

Adapting the first four books of the series, Season 1 follows Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire, having recently lost their parents in a terrible fire, trying to keep their fortune out of the clutches of Count Olaf; a vile villain and even worse actor. The series is being adapted by Barry Sonnenfield and Daniel Handler himself, and not only remains close to the original source material, but also expands on it thanks to the TV medium. It also boasts a great cast. Neil Patrick Harris is incredible as the villain Count Olaf, able to walk the line between comic and sinister effortlessly. Malina Weissman and Louis Hynes are both great as Violet and Klaus, and share excellent chemistry on-screen, selling the sibling affection better than the movie did. There’s also Patrick Warburton as Lemony Snicket, who offers deadpan comic narration, as well as K. Todd Freeman as the incompetent Mr. Poe, Aasi Mandvi as the eccentric Uncle Monty, Alfre Woodard as the petrified Aunt Josephine and Catherine O’Hara as the perfectly innocent, I swear, optometrist Doctor Orwell.

Admittedly this may not be to everyone’s taste, but if you’re into family friendly viewing that intelligently mixes both the surreal and the macabre, then I’d say definitely check out A Series Of Unfortunate Events. It’s perfectly wretched :)

Wonder Woman

Warner Bros and DC may have completely fucked up their shared universe thanks to the total cock-up of Justice League, but one good thing did come out of the DC Extended Universe this year. Wonder Woman.

Finally making her cinematic debut, Wonder Woman is definitely one of the strongest superhero movies to be released in recent memory. Patty Jenkins does an amazing job bringing this feminist icon to life and Gal Gadot gives quite possibly one of the best performances in any superhero movie to date. This naive, but passionate warrior who takes it upon herself to try and save the world from the evil influence of the Greek God Ares. But what I especially appreciated was how the movie went beyond the simple hero vs villain story and really created something both powerful and socially relevant with its themes of love and sacrifice. The main takeaway from the film is that evil isn’t an external force or outside threat. It’s something that exists in all of us. We all have the capacity for violence and treachery, but if we could all just learn to love and support each other, and work together, we could help change things for the better. It sounds incredibly hokey when you say it out loud, but the movie conveys it extremely well.

If you haven’t already, definitely check out Wonder Woman. It boasts a strong female protagonist and an intelligently written and emotional story with a noticeable lack of the sexist tropes and cliches you’d normally find in these kinds of movies. Hopefully Wonder Woman will be the start of a whole new wave of female talent both in front of and behind the camera (and when I say women, I don’t just mean white women... please! Feminism only works if all women benefit from it after all. Let’s see some more women of colour in the director’s chair and on the red carpet).

War For The Planet Of The Apes

The long awaited conclusion to Caesar’s story, War For The Planet Of The Apes is simultaneously both the darkest and the funniest of the rebooted Planet Of The Apes movies. As the human race lash out against the apes in their desperate bid to survive, we see Caesar face his ultimate test. Will he lead his tribe to salvation or be consumed by inner darkness just as Koba did in the previous movie?

While not the strongest movie in the Caesar trilogy, it’s still exceptionally good. Andy Serkis gives the best performance so far as Caesar, and you really feel for him as he undergoes his inner conflict. He’s by far one of the strongest protagonists to come out of a Hollywood blockbuster, and War serves as a fitting end to his story. Director Matt Reeves continues to make us care deeply for the apes’ survival, with characters like Maurice, Rocket and newcomer Bad Ape providing many touching and comedic moments to alleviate the tension and darkness. We also see some strong human characters, such as the mute Nova, played by Amiah Miller, and the antagonistic Colonel, played by Woody Harrelson, who definitely stand head and shoulders above the other human characters in the previous films.

A lot of filmmakers could learn a thing or two from these films. 20th Century Fox should be immensely proud of this trilogy, and I hope the franchise will remain this intelligent and impactful in the future.

Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie

No! Stop it! I can see you sniggering! ‘Oh! Quill honestly thinks this puerile kids movie full of toilet gags is worthy of some kind of award, does he?’ Well, actually yes. Yes I do. And before you judge me, have you actually watched the movie? No. I didn’t think so. So why don’t you get off your high horse and go into this with an open mind because I’ll think you’ll find Captain Underpants is one of the best kids movies ever, so there!

Based on the popular (and surprisingly controversial) series of children’s books written by Dav Pilkey about two troublemaking schoolchildren, George and Harold, who hypnotise their mean principal into thinking he’s a superhero and go off on a series of whacky adventures, Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie is an excellent adaptation that captures the books’ humour and message perfectly. Yes it’s filled with toilet gags and fart jokes (and I can see you rolling your eyes dismissively already, you snob), but it all serves a purpose, and the message behind Captain Underpants is incredibly unique for a kids film. That sometimes a little rule breaking is okay provided it doesn’t go too far. Children are often forced to conform to societal norms, and discouraged from certain things because they’re ‘inappropriate’. Captain Underpants serves as the perfect antidote to that, encouraging children to actually have fun and let their imaginations run wild. The toilet gags and adolescent humour in this film are very funny. It’s not very high brow or sophisticated, but it doesn’t really need to be neither. That’s the point. Captain Underpants is basically a celebration of the childish and the silly, implying these things have value in and of themselves rather than just dismissing them as being ‘immature’.

If you have kids, this would be a perfect movie to show them, and you just might reconnect with your inner child in the process. And if you need further convincing that Captain Underpants is worth watching, consider this. Did you know Harold is gay? Yeah! In the final book of the series, Harold meets his future self and discovers he’s married to a man and has two children. So it’s a cleverly made family movie that encourages children to be creative and to not feel constrained, and offers positive representation for the black and LGBT communities. Suddenly this movie doesn’t feel so puerile anymore, does it?

Logan

I never thought I’d see the day I’d actually be praising a Wolverine movie. 

After two failed attempts, 20th Century Fox finally offers a Wolverine movie that doesn’t make me want to fall asleep, tear my hair out in frustration or gouge by eyes out with ice cream scoops. Logan is not only the best Wolverine movie, but quite possibly the best movie in the entire X-Men franchise. Hugh Jackman gives a brilliant performance in his last ever portrayal of the character and Patrick Stewart is equally as good as an elderly Professor X.

Logan is as tragic as it is thought provoking, deconstructing the idea of a superhero and spelling out in no uncertain terms how Wolverine utterly fails to meet that criteria. It’s dark, hard-hitting and surprisingly poignant as we see Wolverine desperately try to redeem himself, escorting a group of young mutant children across the border whilst metaphorically passing the baton to them. He may have failed to be a superhero, but he could well have saved a new generation of mutants that will succeed where he failed.

If you haven’t already, you need to watch this movie. Even if, like me, you don’t like Wolverine very much, you should still watch it. Logan more than makes up for past mistakes, I assure you.

The Tick

Are you getting sick to death of the over-saturation of superhero movies and TV shows these days? Then The Tick is the perfect antidote for you!

Based on the comics created by Ben Edlund, The Tick essentially drops a Saturday morning cartoon character into a Christopher Nolan-esque environment. Serving as an affectionate parody of the superhero genre, The Tick is both incredibly funny and surprisingly clever. Peter Serafinowicz does a stellar job in the title role, giving a performance almost reminiscent of the late Adam West, and is both charming and hysterical. But the true star has to be Griffin Newman as the Tick’s sidekick Arthur. While his surroundings are incredibly wacky and surreal, Arthur himself is treated with the utmost care and sincerity. He is to all intents and purposes the main character, as we see him try to overcome his own anxieties and insecurities in order to expose a plot from supervillain the Terror. He is the emotional centre that the show revolves around and is what elevates The Tick from being just a simple parody to a legitimately good superhero show in its own right.

The first half of Season 1 is available to watch on Amazon Prime, with the second half due to be streamed in February 2018. if you haven’t already, check this show out.

Horizon Zero Dawn

Finally we end with a video game, and it’s a very special video game (well it would be. It’s on a best of 2017 list). Horizon Zero Dawn. Created by the same people who did the Killzone games, Horizon is an open-world adventure game set in a post post-apocalypitic world where machines dominate the landscape and humanity have gone back to basics, living in isolated tribes and shunning the technology of the ‘Old Ones’.

Two things make Horizon Zero Dawn stand out. The first is the world itself. Guerrilla Games have created a very rich and nuanced setting, and as you explore the environment and collect datapoints, you begin to piece together how exactly human society as we know it initially fell hundreds of years ago. The machines are well designed and each have a very specific purpose, and the tribes are incredibly well thought out with believable hierarchies, belief systems and societal structures. It’s simply fun to explore this world and interact with its inhabitants.

The second is the protagonist the entire game revolves around. Aloy. A young outcast woman who goes in search of her parents and ends up discovering herself. She’s a classic archetypal hero and one of the best female protagonists to come out of the video game industry for quite some time. She’s a fully realised, three dimensional character with her own goals and motives, and is at no point ever sexualised or objectified. Even when she’s captured by the baddies, the game never resorts to sexist tropes or cliches. Just as Wonder Woman represents a significant milestone for women in film, Aloy represents a significant milestone for women in video games. She’s intelligent, resourceful and immensely likeable and I was completely emotionally invested in both her as a character and her journey. It’s not only fun to explore the world of Horizon Zero Dawn. It’s fun to explore the world of Horizon Zero Dawn with her. If you have a PS4, definitely get this game. It’s a must-own and you won’t regret it.

And that’s it for this year. All that’s left for me to say is Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and I hope that your 2018 is less shit than your 2017 most likely was.

[frasier-crane-style]

So Spider-Man: Homecoming strikes me as largely a... ummmm... unholy aberration? In that it’s a comic book adaptation that largely isn’t based on the comic book, it’s based on John Hughes movies from the eighties. And then at the same time, it’s modernized and updated and diversified because it can’t be old and outdated like the Dikto comics (although Ultimate Spider-Man was largely the same), but then all that modernization and updating is based on... the eighties.

1. Diversity

I suppose we might as well start with the elephant in the room. In the lead-up to Homecoming being released, there were a ton of articles backpatting Marvel (or backpatting themselves, rather) over how much of the cast was non-white. Not that you’d know it from looking at the poster, of course.

I just have problems. One, the diversity itself. I see it as mainly Marvel trying to placate the fans who wanted Miles Morales, a little like a dad who forgot his kid’s birthday so at the gas station he got a Sandlot DVD or whatever. “No, you’re not Spider-Man, but you CAN be... Ned Leeds! Don’t ya wanna be Ned Leeds, negroes?” Like, does that really matter that much? Are there black people dancing in the streets because Liz Allan is biracial? Is it really that big a deal that Spider-Man’s sidekicks and/or love interests are minorities, when that was also the case in Captain America, Iron Man, Guardians of the Galaxy, Ant-Man, etc. And all of them did it without this racebending that was apparently so necessary. 

It also bugs me that Marvel justifies it by going “well, we’re just reflecting the real world diversity in New York! hashtag stay woke!” Yeah, they’re just reflecting the real world. Like in Captain America, when they reflected the reality of the segregated army of the 1940s.

Or how they reflected that all of the Norse gods were, y’know, kinda Norse.

It’s not that it’s such a bad argument, it’s just that I see it argued in bad faith a lot. When it suits their needs, people on the Left argue “hey, it’s realistic, you have to do X!” (see the Dunkirk “controversy”) Then when it doesn’t suit their needs, they argue “hey, there are dragons or aliens or whatever, it doesn’t need to be realistic! We can say that in 1966, the US army was all lesbian schoolgirls! Who cares?”

Just pick a position and stick to it. Also, maybe that diversity should carry over to the bad guys as well. Remember the head of a Middle Eastern terrorist organization, according to Marvel?

Or the head of a Far East cult?

Anyway, all this limp-wristed apologizing for Peter Parker being Spider-Man instead of Miles Morales comes off as especially galling when he’s getting his own movie. No other legacy character is getting that good a deal. There aren’t two Batman movies coming out, one with Dick Grayson and one with Bruce Wayne. And yet, Peter Parker’s movie still has to suffer and even incorporate a bunch of Miles Morales’s canon for no real reason. If you’re going to make a Peter Parker movie, make a Peter Parker movie, not this half-assed “oh, it’s Peter, but don’t worry, Miles is on his way, sorry, sorry, sorry!”

2. Flash

I don’t buy the Flash Thompson update at all. Like, is that really how bullying works now? The popular, cool nerd picking on the unpopular, lame nerd? It’s like, they’re both on the academic decathlon team. Flash is picking on Peter because he’s a better mathlete than him. Imagine Flash Thompson as a football player, and Peter is another football player who’s better at it than him, and somehow Flash is at the top of the social hierarchy and Peter’s at the bottom. Does that make any sense?

Of course, if they were really going to update Peter’s bullying, it would seem like they would at least mention cyberbullying, instead of just making Peter’s ‘tormentor’ a guy who makes passive-aggressive comments that Peter doesn’t even seem to notice. I feel like the irony of Peter being far stronger than Flash, but obviously unable to haul off and sock him one, plus the irony of Flash being a fan of Spider-Man but disliking Peter, is way stronger than whatever they’re trying to accomplish by giving him an ‘intellectual rival.’

Also, is making Peter’s nemesis a rich prick really that much more original than his nemesis being a jerk jock? REALLY?

3. MJ

I would argue their rendition of ‘MJ’ is way less faithful than the outright loathed Deadpool in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Wolverine, you get at least a couple of scenes where Ryan Reynolds is playing Wade Wilson, he’s making jokes, he has two katanas... he turns into an abomination, but he spends several scenes not as an abomination.

Michelle... they adapted a famously dancing party girl and all they had her talk about was how she hates parties. She’s literally the exact opposite of Mary Jane. Even the watered down MJs in the Raimi movies, Ultimate comics, and SMLMJ were still popular, positive characters. 

Michelle, again, exact opposite. I have no idea why people are cool with this except that either they’re fetishizing, like, any black people at all--Chris Tucker could come in and scream “HELP ME, SPIDER-MAN, I GOT THESE CRIMINALS ALL OVER ME!” and they’d go yay, representation matters--or they hate Mary Jane in the first place and wouldn’t care if Marvel turned her into Norman Osborn’s chief assassin and baby-killer.

In which case, it seems you should complain a little just on principle. Isn’t any character entitled to a little better treatment than this? Especially a famous female character that has a lot of fans who she means something to? If you’re going to make this character a socially awkward nerd, why not at least name her after Gwen Stacy or Debra Whitman, who are at least something like that in canon? Even if you’re just a Gwen Stacy fan, do you want the waters muddied so that now a (nominally) completely different character has traits adopted from your fave? Do you like it when female characters are treated as completely interchangeable?

4. Ned

The last of the new kids/updates/whatever the fuck is Ned, and fuck him. Fuck him in his stupid Ganke face yes I said it. I guess we’re going to ignore the hypocrisy of Ganke being the most faithfully adapted character in a Spider-Man movie, but Marvel casting an actor of a different ethnicity, so they give the character the name of another character of yet another ethnicity to cover, because everything is stupid and sucks all the time now.

BUT ANYWAY, all this just so Peter can have “a guy on a computer”? He already has Karen, which is enough of a fucking departure already, and the movie even points out how cliched a guy on a computer is! Smallville did it, Birds of Prey did it, Arrow does it, The Flash does it, Supergirl does it--does Spider-Man really have to crib notes from those fucking pikers?

The bigger problem, though, is this.

5. Secret identity

I understand Marvel deciding Peter can’t just have an internal monologue, they need to give him a character to talk to so the audience can know how he’s feeling. The Amazing Spider-Mans did that with Gwen and, at least theoretically, I’m fine with that.

My issue is that Marvel took Peter, one of their most introverted and neurotic characters, and let his entire supporting cast know he’s Spider-Man!

Seriously. Let’s check who in the cast knows he’s Spider-Man by the end of the movie.

1. Ganke/Ned

2. Tony Stark

3. Happy Hogan

4. (presumably) Pepper Potts

5. Michelle suspects/could know (so should that be half?)

5.5. Aunt May

6. The Vulture

7. Karen

So... essentially everyone but fucking Flash. One or two of these would be fine, but he can fucking take everyone who knows out to a buffet and have a roundtable discussion on what to do about the Scorpion. What about him being a loner? What’s the point of a secret identity if everyone who matters knows? What about him having to figure stuff out on his own? 

6. Rich uncle

So let me ask you something. Aunt May gets really sick--in fact, her being chronically ill would be a good way to replicate the comics’ elderly May instead of May being the bread-winner in a family that seems comfortably middle class, cough cough--what does Peter do? Does he go to the Daily Bugle and beg Jameson for an assignment? Is he tempted to rob a bank or just take some money from a crook he’s busted? How does he pay for this?

Well, in this canon, obviously he just asks Tony to write him a check.

It’s so odd, because you’d think the idea of Peter Parker as being financially unstable and constantly struggling with money troubles would be more relevant than ever these days. Yet, by making him Tony’s fucking surrogate motherfucking son, that aspect is totally neutered. Why does this Peter need to work at the Bugle at all? Why should he do anything except ask Stark--the guy who buys masterpieces he’s never even heard of on a lark--for money and then goof off?

In the comics, at least initially, Peter is constantly being Spider-Man not only to fight injustice, but also because the photographs he takes of himself fighting supervillains is the only way he has to make a living and support his aunt. Homecoming, May can support herself, he has Tony as the world’s biggest safety net, so the Spider-Man thing seems less a responsibility and more like a fun hobby he does for shits and giggles.

I’m not saying Spider-Man should be Batman, angsting and brooding over being a superhero, but shouldn’t there be some mixed feelings and conflict over it? 

And, for a character who iconically has to repair his own costume with a sewing kit, does it not seem really inappropriate for him to now be wearing a Harrier jet? They try to adapt the part in Civil War where he rejects the Iron Spider suit, but since the Iron Spider suit is here the classic costume we all want to see him in, now he rejects an even more advanced powered armor suit, while keeping the still very advanced powered armor suit that is somehow supposed to be down-home and authentic.

(I guess no one pointed out that the entire Tony-Peter relationship throughout Civil War ended with Peter realizing what an anus Tony was and rejecting him.)

6a. Rich spotlight-stealing uncle

By the way, this totally takes the emphasis off Peter as a genius in his own right (which is, remember, the reason he’s supposed to have this deep bond with Tony in the first place). Who cares if Peter invented webbing and webshooters if that’s only 1% of what his suit can do and everything else is this stupendous stuff Tony Stark came up with? You might as well go whole-hog and say that Peter was just doing parkour before and Tony invented everything. Peter isn’t even the one to hack into his own suit, he needs Gankned for that. 

7. Rich SUPERHERO uncle

Also, we’ve established that this Spider-Man isn’t qualified to fight supervillains and is expected to call for back-up whenever he runs into one, unless he’s just stupidly prideful (which is, y’know, irresponsible--not very Spidery). For the plot to work, thus we get this dumb conflict where Tony and Hogan apparently ignore Peter’s ass, only for them to ‘heartwarmingly’ reveal that they really have listened and paid attention to his missives. They just, you know, never actually tell him that or really anything (doesn’t Tony seem like the kind of guy who would at least text Peter? Probably a lot? He seems to love hanging out with the Avengers and chatting about superhero stuff otherwise...)

I know Tony is supposed to be that stupid, even after ten movies where the theme is “Tony learns not to be that stupid,” but does that really sound like something Hogan and especially Pepper would go along with?

It’s contrived enough in the first place that we’d end up in a situation where Peter is trying to call Iron Man in on this supervillain hoedown going on right now, but they won’t take his calls, so what happens in the sequel? Peter runs into the Lizard, he calls the Avengers, they say “sorry, kid--we’re all busy”? I’m not ungenerous, I’ll accept that in most solo movies, Thor or Captain America won’t call in the cavalry, but with Spider-Man, isn’t it just child endangerment to say “yeah, we know we’re supposed to help you, but it’s your solo movie, we’re not springing for ScarJo and Hulk’s FX team, we’re already giving Sony fifty percent”?

Maybe when they were ripping off Supergirl’s ‘guy at the computer,’ they should’ve realized how bad it looks when Superman is out there somewhere protecting the world, but won’t help out Supergirl no matter how bad it gets, because either she or he is an idiot.

8. The Vulture

I guess everyone likes the idea of a sympathetic, Walter White Marvel supervillain they didn’t notice the movie doesn’t actually do that? In the very first scene (before the studio logos, even!), he seems like a decent enough guy, but one time-skip later and he’s the Vulture, without seeming the least bit conflicted or remorseful about his actions. (We also immediately see him in costume, and it seems like they should’ve saved that until his first attack on Spider-Man.)

He talks a good game about how oppressed he is, but really, he seems to just do typical supervillain shit like killing his underlings for failing him, only then he literally says “whoops, I meant to use the NOT killing him raygun!” Ambiguity! Who gives a shit?

I, too, like the idea of a supervillain who starts off maybe not that bad and then becomes more desperate and dangerous as Spidey closes in on him, but really, Vulture is just another supervillain with a doomsday plan, only it takes him until the end for him to finally say “yeah, let’s go ahead with the doomsday plan!”

9. There is going to be Iron Man in your Iron Man/Spider-Man team-up movie, right?

I know a lot of people were worried about Iron Man dominating what is, after all, a Spider-Man movie, but I feel somewhat the opposite. If you’re going to have trailers ending in big money shots of Spider-Man and Iron Man running around side by side (shots that weren’t ever in the movie but were filmed just for the trailer) and posters with giant Iron Man front and center.

(This is actually three posters joined together and it’s depicting a scene that doesn’t even happen a little!)

It kinda seems like Iron Man should be important to the plot. Like Black Widow in Winter Soldier. That was a Captain America movie, clearly, but Widow had a big part to play. Homecoming, it seems more like Tony Stark cameos, only that makes it into all the trailers and posters. Why is there not a scene of Spider-Man and Iron Man fighting together? Or even of the Vulture hacking Iron Man and forcing him to fight Spider-Man? Or some development of this Vulture/Iron Man feud that’s alluded to, but then pretty much has nothing to do with anything (tell me, how would the movie be different if, say, Danny Rand had founded Damage Control instead of Stark?).

I’m just saying, if we’re going to have this character in the movie at all, why not use him to the fullest, or somewhere near the fullest? Kinda seems like the most important thing Tony does in this is get back together with Pepper so we can tie up that dangling plot thread from Civil War. 

10. The Shocker

Okay, I know this is pedantic, but it bugs me. So they have the Shocker in this as Vulture’s henchman. That’s fine--Shocker was never going to be anything other than the Scarecrow to other people’s Ra’s al Ghul. But why did they have to handle him in such an awkward way?

First, what happened to his costume? I remember there were behind-the-scenes pictures of it that looked perfectly serviceable.

Even the old video games did a ‘grounded, realistic’ take that looked halfway decent.

The toy looked fine too.

Then in the actual movie...

Oh... he’s that guy with the yellow sleeves holding a laser gun. Wait, two guys. Great.

Fucking Whiplash is dressed to the nines in comparison. What happened?

Then there’s this sequence of events. So in the movie, the OG Shocker is Montana Bryce, played by Logan Marshall-Green. (He really has nothing to do with the Shocker except in Spectacular Spider-Man, where it made sense because the Enforcers were already established characters, so they basically handed the character the tech and said presto, the Shocker.)

(Hence my theory that they’re not so much are adapting the comics than they are the comics’ Wikipedia pages. Well, that and fucking John Hughes movies, because instead of the covers or iconic panels, that’s what they pay homage to.)

Anyway, he fails Vulture, Vulture says “you’ve failed me for the last time” and kills him, then says that Herman Schultz (Shocker I in the comics) is now the Shocker. Herman Schultz--which sounds like something a black teenager would get on his fake ID in a Wayans Bros movie--is played by Bokeem Woodbine, who also seems way too intimidating and competent for the character.

But I guess he’s the official Shocker now and the whole Montana thing was just to show how ruthless the Vulture, except that they walked it back because he’s really sympathetic and honorable, except, except...

I can understand wanting a black supervillain for their Sinister Six movie and it would actually be fitting to the canonical, hard-luck Herman Schultz to end up being killed off and replaced by a more capable character. Y’know, unlike the time von Strucker got defeated in the opening scene then killed off-screen.

The point is, if they’d just switched it so that Logan Marshall-Green (or a more comedic actor) was playing Herman Schultz and Bokeem Woodbine was playing, I don’t know, John Cena/Shocker II, it would fit a hundred times better. But they just didn’t care. 

11. “My friends call me MJ” is stupid and I hate it and I hate you

I shouldn’t have to explain that making a character the exact opposite of any shred of prior characterization she’s had, then ‘revealing’ she really is the character she’s purposely been given no resemblance to is stupid Mystery Box bullshit. It’s like if the next Star Trek movie had a character named “the Sarge” with round ears who constantly guzzled beer and got emotional and said that logic sucked, then at the end, he said “well, my real name is Spock” and then the producer had to go online to say that he’s not the Spock but he is a Spock and him having pointed ears is something only racists care about and anyway he’s a new take on the character, get off our backs!

It’s not even a twist! It’s just giving the audience incorrect information, then declaring that incorrect information is suddenly correct.

But okay! I guess nothing means anything anymore and life is pointless. So let’s say that you have an audience who has never read a Spider-Man comic in their lives. (We’ll call them the target audience.) In fact, they’ve never even heard of Spider-Man. Not Green Goblin, not Doctor Octopus. They didn’t see the Sam Raimi movies or the Marc Webb movies or any of the cartoons. As far as they’re concerned, Spider-Man didn’t exist before he showed up in Civil War (which was very confusing for them, because they didn’t explain his powers or his origin or why he was living with his hot aunt instead of his parents or anything at all).

But this audience watches the movie Spider-Man: Homecoming and takes this character Michelle at face value. At the end, she says “My friends call me MJ.”

Well... so what? That doesn’t change anything for the audience. It doesn’t affect the plot. It’s the equivalent of having Verbal Kint, at the end of The Usual Suspects, reveal that he has a limp and a canker sore. 

Of course we, the prospective audience, do know that Michelle is Peter’s love interest, because she was the top-billed female lead and did all the press with Tom Holland and is the only woman who’s not a Parker family member on the poster. Oh, and because MJ is historically a big Peter Parker love interest. Except we literally don’t know or care anything about her personality or appearance or backstory or relationships with different characters other than that. But for the audience member who knows nothing else about MJ except that she fucks Peter Parker, this is a big deal. Unless in the sequel, they decide not to have her as the love interest after all.

Are you getting my point here? It’s not even a good twist. A good twist would be if the Liz Allan character were referred to as MJ, then at the end it was revealed that it stood for Marion Juliet or whatever, and that she had never been Mary Jane. Or if Zendeya (why doesn’t she have a fucking last name? You’re 20, no 20-year-old has ever been iconic, get over yourself, you’re not goddamn Cher) had said “my friends call me Harriet Osborn,” that at least would’ve been something definitive, because we would’ve known Norman is coming and he’s related to this girl.

But just... this bitch may or may not be their take on Mary Jane and she may or may not get with Peter and that may or may not come to anything... who the hell cares? It’s like a negative twist. Everyone saw it coming and it makes the story less interesting now that it’s been revealed. It’s like if the first episode of How I Met Your Mother ended with Saget saying “oh, I end up with Robin, spoiler alert.” Okay, why are we watching the fucking show now? Either you lied and that information is even more pointless than it already is or you’re going to fuck Cobie Smolders and the whole thing is a foregone conclusion. 

12. Lights! Camera! Action?

The action scenes are all short and unsatisfying, especially given that they’re using the Vulture, yet their prequeletic decision not to let Spider-Man actually web-swing (because he hasn’t earned it yet, dontchaknow) means that they don’t let them have any real memorable aerial duels. I guess so much for the entire reason to use that character.

They have all the ingredients for it to work--numerous henchmen armed with high-tech weaponry, an inexperienced (and borderline incompetent) Spider-Man, yet he pretty much just steam-rolls through everyone by virtue of his Amazing Technicolor Spidey-Suit. It makes you think that’s all that’s keeping him from being completely invulnerable is his own ineptitude and failure to properly utilize his suit. 

It’s like they knew they couldn’t pull off a better action scene than the train sequence in Spider-Man 2, so instead of at least trying to do so--like taking advantage of modern technology to give us a big Vulture fight among the skyscrapers, or giving us the Iron Man/Spider-Man team-up that was the whole point of this movie--they just turned the action scenes into open mic night. Oh, look, Spider-Man’s getting hit with golf balls! And he’s recreating Ferris Bueller jumping on a trampoline from 31-year-old movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, all very relevant and modern and updated and today’s youth! Hey, audience, we’re not taking this seriously, so why should you? Just give it a soft pass, c’mon, dontcha like Spider-Man?

I just think that, when you have this smug “we’re going to do it RIGHT” attitude of naming your movie ‘Homecoming’ and (deservedly) throwing the ASM movies under the bus, aren’t you obliged to actually follow through and do Spider-Man right instead of this bastardized hybrid of John Hughes, white Miles Morales, teen movie cliches, political correctness, Tony Stark branding, and all this other crap that has jack all to do with Peter Parker? Because they had the perfect opportunity, with the decoy Liz Allan love interest and setting multiple movies in high school, to actually do a very faithful adaptation of the comics, of Spider-Man’s supporting cast... even just having Mary Jane cameo in a few scenes, being this quipping fun-lover but not yet a love interest, would’ve done so much to make this feel like Spider-Man instead of an Iron Man spin-off. Which is what it is.

[bewitching-elizabeth-olsen]

Press: Secrets of the Marvel Universe

  VANITY FAIR – After a decade of unprecedented success, Marvel Studios is at a pivotal moment: the looming farewell to some of its founding superheroes, and the rise of a new generation. Kevin Feige, the creative force behind the $13 billion franchise and a slew of Marvel stars, discusses its precarious beginnings, stumbles, and ever-expanding empire.

  On a sweltering October weekend, the largest-ever group of Marvel superheroes and friends gathered just outside of Atlanta for a top-secret assignment. Eighty-three of the famous faces who have brought Marvel’s comic-book characters to life over the past decade mixed and mingled—Mark Ruffalo, who plays the Hulk, bonded with Vin Diesel, the voice of Groot, the monosyllabic sapling from Guardians of the Galaxy. Angela Bassett, mother to Chadwick Boseman’s Black Panther, flew through hurricane-like conditions to report for duty alongside Robert Downey Jr., Scarlett Johansson, Gwyneth Paltrow, Brie Larson, Paul Rudd, Jeremy Renner, Laurence Fishburne, and Stan Lee, the celebrated comic-book writer and co-creator of Iron Man, Spider-Man, Doctor Strange, the Fantastic Four, and the X-Men.

  Their mission: to strike a heroic pose to commemorate 10 years of unprecedented moviemaking success. Marvel Studios, which kicked things off with Iron Man in 2008, has released 17 films that collectively have grossed more than $13 billion at the global box office; 5 more movies are due out in the next two years. The sprawling franchise has resuscitated careers (Downey), has minted new stars (Tom Hiddleston), and increasingly attracts an impressive range of A-list talent, from art-house favorites (Benedict Cumberbatch and Tilda Swinton in Doctor Strange) to Hollywood icons (Anthony Hopkins and Robert Redford) to at least three handsome guys named Chris (Hemsworth, Evans, and Pratt). The wattage at the photo shoot was so high that Ant-Man star Michael Douglas—Michael Douglas!—was collecting autographs. (Photographer Jason Bell shot Vanity Fair’s own Marvel portfolio shortly afterward.)

  But it wasn’t Samuel L. Jackson’s Nick Fury or even Chris Evans’s Captain America who assembled Earth’s mightiest heroes. They came for Kevin Feige, the unassuming man in a black baseball cap who took Marvel Studios from an underdog endeavor with a roster of B-list characters to a cinematic empire that is the envy of every other studio in town. Feige’s innovative, comic-book-based approach to blockbuster moviemaking—having heroes from one film bleed into the next—has changed not only the way movies are made but also pop culture at large. Fans can’t get enough of a world where space-hopping Guardians of the Galaxy might turn up alongside earthbound Avengers, or Doctor Strange and Black Panther could cross paths via a mind-bending rift in the space-time continuum. Other studios, most notably Warner Bros., with the Justice League, have tried to create their own web of interconnected characters. Why have so many failed to achieve Marvel’s heights? “Simple,” said Joe Russo, co-director of Avengers 3 and 4. “They don’t have a Kevin.”

Before Feige, Marvel Studios wasn’t even making its own films. Created in 1993 as Marvel Films, the movie arm of the comics company simply licensed its characters to other studios, earning most of its money from merchandise sales. (The popular 2002 Sam Raimi-directed Spider-Man movie, for example, was made by Sony’s Columbia Pictures.) Feige was part of the team that pushed for the studio to take full creative control of its library of beloved characters, a risky move at the time. “For us old-timers—me and Robert [Downey] and Gwyneth [Paltrow] and Kevin—it felt like we were the upper-classmen,” Jon Favreau, director of the first two Iron Man movies, told me shortly after the photo shoot. “We were emotional . . . thinking about how precarious it all felt in the beginning.”

  Feige has never really forgotten that feeling of uncertainty. He confessed that he experiences pangs of anxiety “multiple times” on every film, and told me he often wonders, “What is the movie that’s going to mess it all up?” But, as the vaunted Marvel Cinematic Universe enters its second decade, perhaps the more pressing question is: What’s the movie that’s going to keep it all going?

  After Avengers 4, an ambitious multi-franchise crossover movie slated for release in 2019, at least some of the original characters who sit at the center of the billion-dollar Avengers team will be hanging up their capes and shields. That’s partially because the Marvel contracts with the actors who play them—Evans (Captain America), Ruffalo (Hulk), Downey (Iron Man), Johansson (Black Widow), Hemsworth (Thor), and Renner (Hawkeye)—are coming to an end. Meanwhile, DC Comics’ Wonder Woman, one of the top-grossing films of 2017, proved that Marvel doesn’t have a monopoly on beloved superhero icons.

  Disney promises that Marvel has at least another 20 years’ worth of characters and worlds to explore—for starters, the studio is finally delivering films with black and female heroes at the core—but declines to offer up any secrets of that ambitious slate. Moviegoers, for now, will simply have to trust in Feige. Luckily for Marvel obsessives, the 44-year-old studio executive is one of them. “At the heart of Kevin is a real”—Scarlett Johansson paused before using the same word everyone does to describe her boss—“fanboy.”

  THE FANBOY

  On the morning of the premiere of the latest Avengers film—Thor: Ragnarok—Kevin Feige sits in his office on the second floor of the Frank G. Wells Building, on the Walt Disney Studios lot. Alongside a shelf of his trademark baseball caps, some stacked four deep, Feige’s walls and tables are adorned with reminders of the characters, narratives, and modern-day myths he’s brought to the big screen. But when it comes time to tell his own origin story, Feige smiles warmly at me before . . . pretending to fall asleep.

  It’s not that he’s told the story too often—Feige rarely talks about himself in interviews—he just finds his own journey deeply uninteresting. Mark Ruffalo thinks this is actually the key to Feige’s success: “The people that I think are great, like Daniel Day-Lewis, don’t make it about them—it’s about the material,” he said. “You don’t see Daniel Day-Lewis trying to show you how fucking great Daniel Day-Lewis is, and he’s our greatest actor. Kevin’s like that.”

  Feige obligingly zooms through his biography for me: childhood in Westfield, New Jersey, in the late 70s and 80s, an obsession with blockbusters (Superman, Star Wars, Star Trek, Indiana Jones, Back to the Future), terrible grades in junior high, movies at the local theater every Friday night. Comics were O.K., but movies were his thing. Feige’s grades improved in high school, and he got into the University of Southern California—his goal since he was 11 or 12 years old—only to be rejected from its selective film school five or six times before he got in. All he wanted to do, his entire life, was make films.

  As he relaxes in the interview, Feige’s storytelling instincts kick in, and he begins to infuse his own narrative with touches of destiny or, as he calls them, “Can you believe it?” moments.

  The first of those moments came years before when Feige landed a college internship working for director Richard Donner and his wife, producer Lauren Shuler Donner. Later, when each Donner was looking to hire a full-time assistant, Feige thought the choice was clear. Richard Donner, who directed Superman, was one of Feige’s idols. (“Superman was formative,” he says.) But he ultimately decided to work for Shuler Donner—the busier of the two—and set himself on the road to becoming a producer. Which is how he found his way to Marvel and an important lesson in risktaking.

  Shuler Donner was a producer on, and a driving force behind, X-Men, a 2000 Fox film starring Marvel characters. One day on set, Shuler Donner and Avi Arad, then head of Marvel Studios, watched as an exasperated stylist, at Feige’s insistence, sprayed and teased actor Hugh Jackman’s hair higher and higher to create the hairstyle that would become the signature look of the character Wolverine. The stylist “eventually went ‘Fine!’ and did a ridiculous version,” Feige recalls. “If you go back and look at it,” he admits, “he’s got big-ass hair in that first movie. But that’s Wolverine!” The experience stuck with Feige. “I never liked the idea that people weren’t attempting things because of the potential for them to look silly,” he says. “Anything in a comic book has the potential to look silly. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to make it look cool.”

  Feige’s passion and geeky attention to detail caught Arad’s eye. (He affectionately refers to Feige as a Trekkie.) Arad hired Feige and sent his new employee to studios that licensed Marvel characters to monitor the company’s intellectual property, offer helpful notes, and generally serve as a Marvel ambassador. Feige watched directors like Sam Raimi with fascination and others, occasionally, Favreau noted, in “frustration” in the era of films such as Daredevil, Ang Lee’s Hulk, and The Punisher. Feige’s advice was sometimes ignored, and many of those films became notorious flops. “The answers,” Feige still says, explaining why comic-book adaptations go wrong, “are always in the books.”

  By the time Arad had a financial plan in place for Marvel to finance its own films, Hollywood had turned its back on the superhero genre. Even Marvel’s most popular character, Spider-Man, disappointed at the end of his trilogy in 2007. “Some people were giving last rites” to the genre, Favreau said.

  Feige downplays it now, but like Sky Masterson in Guys and Dolls, Marvel Studios bet everything on the first roll. Borrowing money by offering up film rights to its biggest characters as collateral and tirelessly pitching the idea to skeptical foreign buyers, Feige and Arad finally hired three directors to make movies for Marvel Studios: Favreau for Iron Man, Louis Leterrier for The Incredible Hulk, and Edgar Wright for Ant-Man. (Only Favreau would become part of the enduring Marvel legacy.) “People forget Iron Man was an independent movie,” Feige says.

  The gamble paid off. Iron Man premiered to rave reviews and a huge box office in 2008, giving Marvel the financial cushion and industry credibility it needed to forge on with its strategy. Meanwhile, as the ranks of Marvel Studios swelled beyond a skeletal operation, its C.E.O. decided to depart. “You can talk to my friends and enemies, and they’ll tell you my weakest point is I’m a one-man show,” Arad said. Not wanting to deal with the infrastructure that comes with launching a major franchise, Arad stepped down before the first Iron Man hit theaters but not before anointing his heir apparent. At only 33 years old, Feige was officially in charge of the first significant independent studio since DreamWorks.

  BIRTH OF A UNIVERSE

  Marvel’s run as an indie studio didn’t last long. The Walt Disney Company had been looking for a producer of “tentpole” films that could expand its audiences beyond family-friendly fare and the girl-centric princess line. Marvel, with its built-in audience of young men, fit the bill, and Disney acquired the company in 2009 for $4 billion. (Another “Can you believe it?” moment for Feige, who spent annual childhood vacations at Disney theme parks.)

  Even with Disney’s deep pockets, Marvel continued to run a lean operation. Up until four years ago, Feige operated out of a series of unassuming offices—one shared with a kite company in West Los Angeles, one above a Mercedes-Benz dealership in Beverly Hills, and one Manhattan Beach office that, even after the success of The Avengers, was “cheap” and “dreary,” as Guardians of the Galaxy director James Gunn remembers.

  On the wall of one of those early, drab offices hung a 1988 Technicolor poster by Marvel artists Ed Hannigan and Joe Rubinstein, crowded to the margins with hundreds of characters from all different story lines with the words MARVEL UNIVERSE emblazoned across the top. Feige would challenge visitors to find the smallest figure in the scrum.

  Feige said he had long believed in the storytelling potential of weaving together Marvel’s superheroes and plots—in essence bringing that Marvel-universe poster to life. His hunch was validated by the media coverage around the astonishing $ 98 million opening weekend of Iron Man. Samuel L. Jackson’s brief appearance in that movie as Nick Fury, director of a counterterrorism agency central to the Marvel universe, initially was meant as an Easter egg, a knowing wink, for die-hard fans. “We put it at the end so it wouldn’t be distracting,” Feige said of the post-credits stinger that launched a decade-long trend. But after he saw how audiences—not just devoted comics fans—responded to Fury’s appearance, Feige knew the idea of cross-pollinating characters and movies had legs.

  One early challenge was getting actors to sign up for Marvel’s ambitious vision. A character might star in one film, be part of an ensemble in another, and just make a goofy guest appearance in yet another. Jackson signed an unheard-of nine-picture deal with Marvel shortly after Iron Man came out, ensuring his participation in the subsequent Avengers movies and other Marvel properties. Feige found it particularly challenging to secure Chris Evans as Captain America, a character who acts as leader of the Avengers. Evans, who’d previously tackled the comic-book genre as Johnny Storm in the Fantastic Four movies, was hesitant to sign a long-term deal that would prevent him from doing other projects. Evans asked for a weekend to make his decision—Feige cited those few days as among the most nerve-racking of his tenure—before committing to six movies. Once Hemsworth agreed to play Thor, another foundational Avenger, Feige’s grand plan was under way. (It doesn’t hurt that Marvel contracts can be supremely lucrative. Robert Downey Jr. reportedly made $ 80 million in 2015, thanks largely to his work as Iron Man.)

  Still, it wasn’t until a celebratory night in Rome in 2012, on the Avengers press tour, that the Marvel extended family really understood what its boss had planned. “I’m socially awkward,” Feige said. (“He’s short on kibitz,” Downey likes to say.) “So I talked about what we can do next.” As the hotel staff shushed them and the hour grew late, Feige pulled back the curtain on his master plan—or at least some of it. “I would like to take all of the comics and start to build the Marvel universe,” Feige declared. “We’ll have 15 productions in the next two years!”

  THE MARVEL WAY OR BUST

  Marvel’s first decade of moviemaking has not been without its misses and heartaches. Neither Iron Man 2, which came out in 2010, nor 2013’s Thor: The Dark World won critical raves. Two prominent directors—Edgar Wright and Joss Whedon—very publicly parted ways with Marvel after squabbling with the studio over artistic control. Wright, who wrote an early draft of Ant-Man but left the project in 2014 before filming began, declined to comment for this story. Whedon, who wrote and directed two Avengers movies and severed ties with Marvel in 2016, did not respond to requests to talk about his departure. But in published interviews both men have said they felt they had to sacrifice their own vision to serve Marvel’s interests.

  The exodus of two admired artists (Wright was known for his genre send-ups Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, Whedon for creating the Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series) was not a good look for Marvel, which until then had enjoyed a fanboy-friendly reputation. From inside the family, James Gunn, Anthony Russo, and Evangeline Lilly, an Ant-Man star, described this period as a messy “divorce” and the tone around the studio as “uneasy.” Some critics argued that Marvel’s success spawned so many big-budget copycats that creativity didn’t stand a chance in Hollywood. Even one of Feige’s childhood heroes, Steven Spielberg, took a public shot at the glut of comic-book movies.

  Feige doesn’t deny that directors need to play by a set of rules when they join Team Marvel, especially now that the concept of a single cinematic universe is non-negotiable. “Filmmakers . . . coming in understand the notion of the shared sandbox more than the initial filmmakers did because the sandbox didn’t exist then,” he said.

  At the same time the studio seems increasingly willing to let directors be experimental and original in other ways. “Guardians is probably the best example of the audience validating even our more esoteric instincts,” Feige said. The unabashed goofiness of the Guardians of the Galaxy movies and the gonzo tone of Taika Waititi’s Thor: Ragnarok signal a radical departure from, say, the staid bleakness of Thor: The Dark World. Director Ryan Coogler’s upcoming Black Panther movie marks another major shift for Marvel: in February, the studio will launch its first movie with a black actor, Chadwick Boseman, in the lead. Captain Marvel, starring Brie Larson in the title role of a female air-force captain with superpowers, opens in 2019. “I can’t think of anybody [at Marvel] that hasn’t directly approached me and had very, very in-depth conversations about Panther,” Boseman told me.

  LIFE WITH IKE

  It seems like more than happenstance that Marvel’s emphatic inclusiveness coincides with a long-overdue 2015 management re-structuring by Disney that put Feige firmly in control of the studio and quietly sidelined Isaac “Ike” Perlmutter, Marvel’s controversial chairman and former C.E.O. Perlmutter is a shadowy but essential figure in the world of Marvel. The 75-year-old mogul helped rescue Marvel Entertainment Group from bankruptcy in 1998, when he merged it with Toy Biz Inc., a company he co-owned. Though Perlmutter endorsed Marvel’s decision to make its own films, he clung to outdated opinions about casting, budgeting, and merchandising that ran counter to trends in popular culture, sources close to the studio said. For example, Perlmutter, citing his years in the toy-making business, reportedly made the decision to scale back production of Black Widow-themed merchandise in 2015 because he believed “girl” superhero products wouldn’t sell.

  Director James Gunn chalked up every conflict he had making Guardians of the Galaxy to Perlmutter and the Marvel “creative committee”—a legacy of the studio’s early days—which read every script and gave writers and filmmakers feedback. Said Gunn, “They were a group of comic-book writers and toy people” who gave him “haphazard” notes. The committee, for example, suggested Guardians of the Galaxy ditch the 70s music that the film’s hero loves. (The movie’s soundtrack, featuring retro hits, would later go platinum.) Members of the creative committee declined to comment for the story. Perlmutter also declined to comment, but a person with knowledge of his approach said, “Ike Perlmutter neither discriminates nor cares about diversity, he just cares about what he thinks will make money.”

  In August 2015, a few months after rival Warner Bros. earned serious feminist bragging rights with its announcement that Patty Jenkins would direct Wonder Woman, Disney confirmed that it had changed Marvel’s management structure: Feige would report to Alan Horn, chairman of Walt Disney Studios, ostensibly as part of an effort to integrate Marvel into the bigger Disney film family. Perlmutter remains chairman of Marvel Entertainment. An early Trump supporter, he also advises the White House on veterans’ issues.

  Critics sometimes forget that Feige announced Captain Marvel and Black Panther in 2014—during the Perlmutter era. Instead they focus on how Marvel missed the chance to make the first female-led superhero movie of the modern era. I asked Feige if he wished Marvel had gotten there before Wonder Woman. “Yeah,” he answered carefully. “I think it’s always fun to be first with most things.” Ever the fanboy, Feige got chills recounting the heroine’s powerful stand in No Man’s Land for me in his office. “Everything’s going to work out,” he said cheerfully. “Captain Marvel is a very different type of movie.”

  THE AVENGERS, AND EVERYTHING AFTER

  One week before the Marvel 10th-anniversary photo shoot, on the set of Avengers 4, I watched Marvel’s biggest stars lounge on comfy couches under a canopy in the long stretches between takes. Mark Ruffalo scratched Scarlett Johansson’s back, while Johansson, Chris Evans, and several other Avengers hunched over their phones in a competitive game of Words with Friends. I reached for a camera to record the moment—some of the most famous faces in the world lit up by phone screens just like the rest of us—but the ever vigilant Marvel security team had wrapped my phone in layers of protective tape. Later, Chris Hemsworth mentioned that very moment to me. “I thought, Could somebody take a photo of this? We’re all aware that this is going to be the last time we get to hang out like this.”

  And yet the actors who have contributed so much to Marvel’s past successes have little doubt about the studio’s future. “I feel a lot of joy for the next generation,” Johansson said. “It’s a bittersweet feeling, but a positive one.”

  In true Marvel fashion, members of the original Avengers team will help pave the way for the new guard. The latest Captain America introduced fans to Boseman’s Black Panther while Downey’s Tony Stark mentored Tom Holland’s Peter Parker in Spider-Man: Homecoming—“serving at the pleasure of young Master Holland,” Downey said with characteristic flair. Spider-Man’s return to the Marvel fold is a coup for Feige, who helped orchestrate a hero-sharing arrangement with Sony.

  To hear Disney C.E.O. Bob Iger tell it, Marvel’s next wave is just beginning. He notes that the studio has rights to 7,000 characters, who can travel anywhere their creators wish to take them. “We’re looking for worlds that are completely separate—geographically or in time—from the worlds that we’ve already visited,” Iger explained.

  Both Iger and Feige hinted at how the franchise will expand into different realms, with James Gunn working in close collaboration to possibly spin off some characters from the extraterrestrial world of the Guardians of the Galaxy. Marvel is “22 movies in, and we’ve got another 20 movies on the docket that are completely different from anything that’s come before—intentionally,” Feige said.

  While Feige refused to reveal any details about the characters and stories Marvel has yet to introduce, he did promise a definitive end to the franchise that built Marvel. Avengers 4, he said, will “bring things you’ve never seen in superhero films: a finale.” This may mean a lot of dead Avengers at the hands of the villain Thanos, who has appeared sporadically and tantalizingly since the first Avengers movie back in 2012. But the Marvel Cinematic Universe will live on. “There will be two distinct periods. Everything before Avengers 4 and everything after. I know it will not be in ways people are expecting,” Feige teased.

  “Everything after,” without these Marvel mainstays, will be hard work. The studio constantly needs to cast new actors, develop surprising new narratives, and risk looking a little silly—as Feige did with Wolverine’s hair—all under the harsh glare of millions of fans and detractors watching the studio’s every move. Feige, however, has no worries about Marvel’s longevity, a point he illustrated by quoting one of his personal heroes: “On opening day, when people asked Mr. Walt Disney if Disneyland was finished, he said, as long as there’s imagination in the world, Disney will never be complete.” And as long as people are willing to watch superheroes save the world, Marvel—and Kevin Feige—won’t be done, either.

Press: Secrets of the Marvel Universe was originally published on Elizabeth Olsen Source • Your source for everything Elizabeth Olsen

[dorothyd89]

The Wolverine Workout: Get Strong Like Logan!

This is a post from Nerd Fitness head trainer Jim Bathurst.

YES! Another Wolverine movie! LOGAN hits theaters tomorrow, and I couldn’t be more excited.

If you’re like many people, Wolverine is one of your favorite X-men (especially for short guys like myself!), and nothing is more awesome than seeing the Little Runt rage around and beat up bad guys.

To get you ready and pumped for the movie – more so than taping silverware to your hands – we’ve got a fun workout for you!

Now yes, you can absolutely find Hugh Jackman’s exact workout online. It’s excellent for what he needed to do to get ready for the movie role – a bodybuilding type workout that packed muscle where it mattered for film (chest, shoulders, arms) while giving a good strength base with squats and deadlifts (and making sure Wolverine wasn’t walking on chicken legs).

It WORKED:

Note: if you’re looking for the “How Hugh Jackman got in shape for Logan,” the article is right here: “How to look like Famous Actor in Action Movie!”

We’re assuming you’re not getting ready for a major Hollywood role, nor do you have 5 straight days to spend a few hours in the gym. No worries, we’re going to get a bit of the flavor of Jackman’s workout, and the Wolverine character in general, into our own Nerd Fitness Wolverine Workout!

Always Warm-up First!

Your choice of warm-up for this one, whether it’s a bit of jump roping, light calisthenics, or one of our warm-ups.

I wanted to recommend sprinting through the woods with mutton chops glued to the side of your head, but our lawyers discouraged that for some reason. If you’re going to be using a barbell in the exercise, warm up with several lighter sets of 3-5 reps!

Whatever you choose, you should feel ready and mobile to move around!

The Wolverine Workout

I’ve put together something you can do with very little or zero equipment.

Things will obviously be more challenging with equipment/extra weight, but I wanted options for whichever X-men Academy you currently reside.

Let’s look at the whole thing, watch the video, then talk more in depth:

1) 5 minutes of warm-up

2) 12 minutes of AMRAP (explained below):

10 reps – Barbell Deadlift / Dumbbell RDL / Banded Good Morning / Regular Good Morning

10 reps – Medicine Ball Slam / Quick Downwards Bodyweight Squat

10 reps (5 rows per side) – Push-up to Renegade Row (push-up, row left, push-up, row right, repeat)

5 reps per side, alternate – Transverse Lunge and Chop

3) Optional Finisher: 2-3 sets of 10/arm – Zottman Curls

4) Cool Down!

What all of that ACTUALLY Means!

Did you grow adamantium claws yet? No? Okay keep reading.

Let me answer all of your questions and explain this workout in detail:

What’s an AMRAP, Jim? Sounds like an organization. AMRAP stands for “As Many Rounds As Possible”.

Set the clock for 12 minutes and then try to go through this 4-exercise circuit as many times as you can – in a strong, safe, controlled manner – in that amount of time.

After 12 minutes is up – OPTIONAL- you can do 2-3 sets of Zottman curls (which I explain below too).

Note for beginners!!: If you have never done a routine like this, cut the time in HALF or even a THIRD. A six minute AMRAP will still be tough – so will a four minute one!

Until we can infuse you with mutant healing powers, it is wiser to step into new exercises with caution!

Alright, let’s talk a bit more about each exercise and variation!

Exercise One: Deadlifts or Good Mornings

The first exercise is to do 10 reps of one of the following:

Barbell Deadlift

Dumbbell RDL

Banded Good Morning

Regular Good Morning

It wouldn’t be a Wolverine Workout without deadlifts! We are looking for the classic “hip hinge” motion, where your knees are bent slightly, your hips move back, and your body bows forward. You’ll maintain a strong lower back position the whole time (natural curve).

Here’s a demonstration of Staci demoing the Deadlift as I explain, from our full fledged training course, The Nerd Fitness Academy:

  Make sure you also read Strength Training 101: The Deadlift

If deadlifts aren’t in the cards, you can also do dumbbell Romanian deadlifts (RDLs). This is like the top part of the deadlift – where we hip hinge – and the dumbbells only go as low as the bottom of the kneecaps. Back remains in a good natural curve position.

That doesn’t work either? Do a banded good morning!

Watch the wolverine workout video and see me at 00:41 step into a band and put it behind my neck and shoulders (it should sit comfortably). I then hold onto the band for control like a pair of suspenders and proceed to do the same hip hinge motion!

No bars? No bands? No claws? No worries!

Do the same “hips back, bow forward” motion as before just without the band – trust me you’ll still feel it. If you’re feeling saucy wolveriney, feel free to hug a backpack with some weight across your chest (not shown in video).

HOW MUCH WEIGHT TO LIFT?

This depends on your strength and proficiency, but we’re looking for a barbell deadlift weight of somewhere around ½ – 3/4th of your bodyweight. If you are a mutant, get around your own bodyweight. When in doubt, LESS weight. If you find yourself in the middle of the workout and think “crap-o, too heavy”, then take the couple extra seconds to reduce weight (10-50% less) or reduce reps (cut them in half). Keep it looking strong. Make Professor X proud.

Exercise Two: Slams or Quick Squats

When I picture Wolverine in battle, I picture him with arms extended, body stretched, about to lay the slice down on some punk.

We’re going to get in on that action with some medicine ball slams. Reach up overhead with a weighted exercise ball, and then slam it into the ground.

Note that in the video I use a Dynamax ball that purposely DOES NOT bounce well. If you are using a medicine ball that’s closer to a basketball, be careful! Quite easy for the ball to bounce back up into your face – this is less than ideal.

In either case, keep your hands on top of the ball to maintain control.

If you don’t have a medicine ball: you can simply squat and swing your arms down (I find to the outside is more natural) like you’re starting a downhill ski race.

The difference here from that last hip hinging exercise is that we are looking to get more movement in the knees, squat lower, and keep the chest up. In addition, we’re looking to add speed downward, as opposed to upward on a deadlift/good morning. This is NOT a collapse downward, but simply a bodyweight squat at a faster, but controlled, downward speed.

Exercise Three: Push-up to Renegade Row

One of my favorite push-pull exercises: and what sounds more like a wolverine exercise than a Renegade Row. We need to build up arms like Wolverine, and I thought it looked a bit like every time he rears back with claws drawn!

The resemblance is… Uncanny.

Grab a pair of dumbbells that allow you to pull strong, keep stable, and keep a good pace. This is not your chance to try and PR your one arm row.

I’m using a pair of 25 lb dumbbells in the video. These would’ve been fine to keep me in a good pace for the workout.

Just like the deadlift, when in doubt go lighter!

Using the dumbbells as handles, do a single push-up, then do a dumbbell row just one side (while keeping your core tight), then do another push-up, then row the other side.

If push-ups from your feet are too hard, you can do them from your knees. You can even do push-ups with your hands/dumbbells on an elevated surface (not shown in video). If you don’t have a pair of dumbbells, just lift your hand and drive your elbow back – squeezing the back strong!

Exercise Four: The Transverse Lunge and Chop

You’re probably wondering, “Hey Jim, what the heck is “transverse” and how is this helping us to be an X-man (or woman)? Is this Marvel’s new extended universe?”

Transverse is referring to the plane of motion that we are moving through in this lunge.

PHYSIOLOGY NERD ALERT!!

We do a majority of our exercises in the sagittal plane (front to back), whereas this is going to see us turning and twisting (transverse plane). #Science.

“Enough talk of planes, Dr. Strange, how is this helpful?”

It helps to get your body moving in different directions so that you’re ready for a lot more of the irregular and asymmetrical movements in life. About the only person that moves exclusively in one direction is T-1000 (sagittal plane again). You bend over to pick up groceries, twist to adjust your kid’s carseat in the back of the car, or you might need to take down a host of violent enemies threatening your existence.

Regardless, we want you to be able to twist without shouting (see what I did there?). I’m gonna explain this below, but it’s best that you watch it first (queued up to the exercise here):

Stand tall with a medicine ball in your outstretched arms. If your feet are currently facing 12 o’clock (both straight ahead), you are then going to step out and back so that one foot now faces 3 o’clock. At the same time, chop downward so the ball is just past and outside the knee. Stand back up to 12 o’clock with both feet, then repeat on the other side – stepping out to 9 o’clock with your left leg, and then back.

In short, imagine you’re Wolverine slashing through a crowd of sentinels. If you don’t have a medicine ball, just keep your hands outstretched, use a backpack, or do it without any weight!

OPTIONAL FINISHING MOVE: Zottman Curls

After your Wolverine AMRAP is done, here is an optional finisher before you cool down.

Why? It’s in Hugh Jackman’s routine for building Wolverine arms AND more importantly, it makes me feel like I’m still slashing things up and down with a pair of claw hands.

With a pair of dumbbells, curl one up to your shoulder – palm up, turn the palm outward at the top and then lower the dumbbell down. Repeat on the other side.

Like so:

Please note: that is me above and not actually Hugh Jackman.

Always Cool Down

Whew! You’ve lifted, pushed, pulled, and slashed your way into X-men shape. Nice job! A cool down and stretch afterwards helps the muscles recover for the next workout and leaves you feeling mobile (you never know when you’ll get called into action!).

There are lots of possibilities here, as long as you’re getting your heart rate lower and stretching the body, you’re good. For example, you can do things like a quick Yoga stretch routine to help wind down.

Here’s a quick cool down asset I’ve grabbed from from our premium monthly adventure, Rising Heroes:

  Good Luck!

Hit up this workout and have people at the movie theater asking if you’re part of the X-men – for your in-shape body, not for your weird hair and penchant for cigars.

To recap: Complete 12 minutes of the Wolverine AMRAP:

10 reps of ONE of these – Barbell Deadlift / Dumbbell RDL / Banded Good Morning / Regular Good Morning

10 reps of EITHER – Medicine Ball Slam / Quick Downwards Bodyweight Squat

10 reps (5 rows per side) – Push-up to Renegade Row (push-up, row left, push-up, row right, repeat)

5 reps per side, alternating – Transverse Lunge and Chop

Optional Finisher: 2-3 sets of 10/arm – Zottman Curls

Have fun and have at it!

-Jim

PS: Speaking of Rising Heroes, our monthly team-based, story-driven, habit-building fitness adventure, today is the last day to join until April. Join a few thousand people and help save the world 🙂

photo credit: StefoF: IMG_4263-1, marciorodgs: Wolverine, ell brown: Logan – billboard,

http://ift.tt/2meQKLb

http://ift.tt/2mCWbVs

http://ift.tt/2mSYAbn http://ift.tt/2lMWE2r http://ift.tt/2mgi5fr

[neilmillerne]

The Wolverine Workout: Get Strong Like Logan!

This is a post from Nerd Fitness head trainer Jim Bathurst.

YES! Another Wolverine movie! LOGAN hits theaters tomorrow, and I couldn’t be more excited.

If you’re like many people, Wolverine is one of your favorite X-men (especially for short guys like myself!), and nothing is more awesome than seeing the Little Runt rage around and beat up bad guys.

To get you ready and pumped for the movie – more so than taping silverware to your hands – we’ve got a fun workout for you!

Now yes, you can absolutely find Hugh Jackman’s exact workout online. It’s excellent for what he needed to do to get ready for the movie role – a bodybuilding type workout that packed muscle where it mattered for film (chest, shoulders, arms) while giving a good strength base with squats and deadlifts (and making sure Wolverine wasn’t walking on chicken legs).

It WORKED:

Note: if you’re looking for the “How Hugh Jackman got in shape for Logan,” the article is right here: “How to look like Famous Actor in Action Movie!”

We’re assuming you’re not getting ready for a major Hollywood role, nor do you have 5 straight days to spend a few hours in the gym. No worries, we’re going to get a bit of the flavor of Jackman’s workout, and the Wolverine character in general, into our own Nerd Fitness Wolverine Workout!

Always Warm-up First!

Your choice of warm-up for this one, whether it’s a bit of jump roping, light calisthenics, or one of our warm-ups.

I wanted to recommend sprinting through the woods with mutton chops glued to the side of your head, but our lawyers discouraged that for some reason. If you’re going to be using a barbell in the exercise, warm up with several lighter sets of 3-5 reps!

Whatever you choose, you should feel ready and mobile to move around!

The Wolverine Workout

I’ve put together something you can do with very little or zero equipment.

Things will obviously be more challenging with equipment/extra weight, but I wanted options for whichever X-men Academy you currently reside.

Let’s look at the whole thing, watch the video, then talk more in depth:

1) 5 minutes of warm-up

2) 12 minutes of AMRAP (explained below):

10 reps – Barbell Deadlift / Dumbbell RDL / Banded Good Morning / Regular Good Morning

10 reps – Medicine Ball Slam / Quick Downwards Bodyweight Squat

10 reps (5 rows per side) – Push-up to Renegade Row (push-up, row left, push-up, row right, repeat)

5 reps per side, alternate – Transverse Lunge and Chop

3) Optional Finisher: 2-3 sets of 10/arm – Zottman Curls

4) Cool Down!

What all of that ACTUALLY Means!

Did you grow adamantium claws yet? No? Okay keep reading.

Let me answer all of your questions and explain this workout in detail:

What’s an AMRAP, Jim? Sounds like an organization. AMRAP stands for “As Many Rounds As Possible”.

Set the clock for 12 minutes and then try to go through this 4-exercise circuit as many times as you can – in a strong, safe, controlled manner – in that amount of time.

After 12 minutes is up – OPTIONAL- you can do 2-3 sets of Zottman curls (which I explain below too).

Note for beginners!!: If you have never done a routine like this, cut the time in HALF or even a THIRD. A six minute AMRAP will still be tough – so will a four minute one!

Until we can infuse you with mutant healing powers, it is wiser to step into new exercises with caution!

Alright, let’s talk a bit more about each exercise and variation!

Exercise One: Deadlifts or Good Mornings

The first exercise is to do 10 reps of one of the following:

Barbell Deadlift

Dumbbell RDL

Banded Good Morning

Regular Good Morning

It wouldn’t be a Wolverine Workout without deadlifts! We are looking for the classic “hip hinge” motion, where your knees are bent slightly, your hips move back, and your body bows forward. You’ll maintain a strong lower back position the whole time (natural curve).

Here’s a demonstration of Staci demoing the Deadlift as I explain, from our full fledged training course, The Nerd Fitness Academy:

  Make sure you also read Strength Training 101: The Deadlift

If deadlifts aren’t in the cards, you can also do dumbbell Romanian deadlifts (RDLs). This is like the top part of the deadlift – where we hip hinge – and the dumbbells only go as low as the bottom of the kneecaps. Back remains in a good natural curve position.

That doesn’t work either? Do a banded good morning!

Watch the wolverine workout video and see me at 00:41 step into a band and put it behind my neck and shoulders (it should sit comfortably). I then hold onto the band for control like a pair of suspenders and proceed to do the same hip hinge motion!

No bars? No bands? No claws? No worries!

Do the same “hips back, bow forward” motion as before just without the band – trust me you’ll still feel it. If you’re feeling saucy wolveriney, feel free to hug a backpack with some weight across your chest (not shown in video).

HOW MUCH WEIGHT TO LIFT?

This depends on your strength and proficiency, but we’re looking for a barbell deadlift weight of somewhere around ½ – 3/4th of your bodyweight. If you are a mutant, get around your own bodyweight. When in doubt, LESS weight. If you find yourself in the middle of the workout and think “crap-o, too heavy”, then take the couple extra seconds to reduce weight (10-50% less) or reduce reps (cut them in half). Keep it looking strong. Make Professor X proud.

Exercise Two: Slams or Quick Squats

When I picture Wolverine in battle, I picture him with arms extended, body stretched, about to lay the slice down on some punk.

We’re going to get in on that action with some medicine ball slams. Reach up overhead with a weighted exercise ball, and then slam it into the ground.

Note that in the video I use a Dynamax ball that purposely DOES NOT bounce well. If you are using a medicine ball that’s closer to a basketball, be careful! Quite easy for the ball to bounce back up into your face – this is less than ideal.

In either case, keep your hands on top of the ball to maintain control.

If you don’t have a medicine ball: you can simply squat and swing your arms down (I find to the outside is more natural) like you’re starting a downhill ski race.

The difference here from that last hip hinging exercise is that we are looking to get more movement in the knees, squat lower, and keep the chest up. In addition, we’re looking to add speed downward, as opposed to upward on a deadlift/good morning. This is NOT a collapse downward, but simply a bodyweight squat at a faster, but controlled, downward speed.

Exercise Three: Push-up to Renegade Row

One of my favorite push-pull exercises: and what sounds more like a wolverine exercise than a Renegade Row. We need to build up arms like Wolverine, and I thought it looked a bit like every time he rears back with claws drawn!

The resemblance is… Uncanny.

Grab a pair of dumbbells that allow you to pull strong, keep stable, and keep a good pace. This is not your chance to try and PR your one arm row.

I’m using a pair of 25 lb dumbbells in the video. These would’ve been fine to keep me in a good pace for the workout.

Just like the deadlift, when in doubt go lighter!

Using the dumbbells as handles, do a single push-up, then do a dumbbell row just one side (while keeping your core tight), then do another push-up, then row the other side.

If push-ups from your feet are too hard, you can do them from your knees. You can even do push-ups with your hands/dumbbells on an elevated surface (not shown in video). If you don’t have a pair of dumbbells, just lift your hand and drive your elbow back – squeezing the back strong!

Exercise Four: The Transverse Lunge and Chop

You’re probably wondering, “Hey Jim, what the heck is “transverse” and how is this helping us to be an X-man (or woman)? Is this Marvel’s new extended universe?”

Transverse is referring to the plane of motion that we are moving through in this lunge.

PHYSIOLOGY NERD ALERT!!

We do a majority of our exercises in the sagittal plane (front to back), whereas this is going to see us turning and twisting (transverse plane). #Science.

“Enough talk of planes, Dr. Strange, how is this helpful?”

It helps to get your body moving in different directions so that you’re ready for a lot more of the irregular and asymmetrical movements in life. About the only person that moves exclusively in one direction is T-1000 (sagittal plane again). You bend over to pick up groceries, twist to adjust your kid’s carseat in the back of the car, or you might need to take down a host of violent enemies threatening your existence.

Regardless, we want you to be able to twist without shouting (see what I did there?). I’m gonna explain this below, but it’s best that you watch it first (queued up to the exercise here):

Stand tall with a medicine ball in your outstretched arms. If your feet are currently facing 12 o’clock (both straight ahead), you are then going to step out and back so that one foot now faces 3 o’clock. At the same time, chop downward so the ball is just past and outside the knee. Stand back up to 12 o’clock with both feet, then repeat on the other side – stepping out to 9 o’clock with your left leg, and then back.

In short, imagine you’re Wolverine slashing through a crowd of sentinels. If you don’t have a medicine ball, just keep your hands outstretched, use a backpack, or do it without any weight!

OPTIONAL FINISHING MOVE: Zottman Curls

After your Wolverine AMRAP is done, here is an optional finisher before you cool down.

Why? It’s in Hugh Jackman’s routine for building Wolverine arms AND more importantly, it makes me feel like I’m still slashing things up and down with a pair of claw hands.

With a pair of dumbbells, curl one up to your shoulder – palm up, turn the palm outward at the top and then lower the dumbbell down. Repeat on the other side.

Like so:

Please note: that is me above and not actually Hugh Jackman.

Always Cool Down

Whew! You’ve lifted, pushed, pulled, and slashed your way into X-men shape. Nice job! A cool down and stretch afterwards helps the muscles recover for the next workout and leaves you feeling mobile (you never know when you’ll get called into action!).

There are lots of possibilities here, as long as you’re getting your heart rate lower and stretching the body, you’re good. For example, you can do things like a quick Yoga stretch routine to help wind down.

Here’s a quick cool down asset I’ve grabbed from from our premium monthly adventure, Rising Heroes:

  Good Luck!

Hit up this workout and have people at the movie theater asking if you’re part of the X-men – for your in-shape body, not for your weird hair and penchant for cigars.

To recap: Complete 12 minutes of the Wolverine AMRAP:

10 reps of ONE of these – Barbell Deadlift / Dumbbell RDL / Banded Good Morning / Regular Good Morning

10 reps of EITHER – Medicine Ball Slam / Quick Downwards Bodyweight Squat

10 reps (5 rows per side) – Push-up to Renegade Row (push-up, row left, push-up, row right, repeat)

5 reps per side, alternating – Transverse Lunge and Chop

Optional Finisher: 2-3 sets of 10/arm – Zottman Curls

Have fun and have at it!

-Jim

PS: Speaking of Rising Heroes, our monthly team-based, story-driven, habit-building fitness adventure, today is the last day to join until April. Join a few thousand people and help save the world

photo credit: StefoF: IMG_4263-1, marciorodgs: Wolverine, ell brown: Logan – billboard,

http://ift.tt/2meQKLb

[johnclapperne]

The Wolverine Workout: Get Strong Like Logan!

This is a post from Nerd Fitness head trainer Jim Bathurst.

YES! Another Wolverine movie! LOGAN hits theaters tomorrow, and I couldn’t be more excited.

If you’re like many people, Wolverine is one of your favorite X-men (especially for short guys like myself!), and nothing is more awesome than seeing the Little Runt rage around and beat up bad guys.

To get you ready and pumped for the movie – more so than taping silverware to your hands – we’ve got a fun workout for you!

Now yes, you can absolutely find Hugh Jackman’s exact workout online. It’s excellent for what he needed to do to get ready for the movie role – a bodybuilding type workout that packed muscle where it mattered for film (chest, shoulders, arms) while giving a good strength base with squats and deadlifts (and making sure Wolverine wasn’t walking on chicken legs).

It WORKED:

Note: if you’re looking for the “How Hugh Jackman got in shape for Logan,” the article is right here: “How to look like Famous Actor in Action Movie!”

We’re assuming you’re not getting ready for a major Hollywood role, nor do you have 5 straight days to spend a few hours in the gym. No worries, we’re going to get a bit of the flavor of Jackman’s workout, and the Wolverine character in general, into our own Nerd Fitness Wolverine Workout!

Always Warm-up First!

Your choice of warm-up for this one, whether it’s a bit of jump roping, light calisthenics, or one of our warm-ups.

I wanted to recommend sprinting through the woods with mutton chops glued to the side of your head, but our lawyers discouraged that for some reason. If you’re going to be using a barbell in the exercise, warm up with several lighter sets of 3-5 reps!

Whatever you choose, you should feel ready and mobile to move around!

The Wolverine Workout

I’ve put together something you can do with very little or zero equipment.

Things will obviously be more challenging with equipment/extra weight, but I wanted options for whichever X-men Academy you currently reside.

Let’s look at the whole thing, watch the video, then talk more in depth:

1) 5 minutes of warm-up

2) 12 minutes of AMRAP (explained below):

10 reps – Barbell Deadlift / Dumbbell RDL / Banded Good Morning / Regular Good Morning

10 reps – Medicine Ball Slam / Quick Downwards Bodyweight Squat

10 reps (5 rows per side) – Push-up to Renegade Row (push-up, row left, push-up, row right, repeat)

5 reps per side, alternate – Transverse Lunge and Chop

3) Optional Finisher: 2-3 sets of 10/arm – Zottman Curls

4) Cool Down!

What all of that ACTUALLY Means!

Did you grow adamantium claws yet? No? Okay keep reading.

Let me answer all of your questions and explain this workout in detail:

What’s an AMRAP, Jim? Sounds like an organization. AMRAP stands for “As Many Rounds As Possible”.

Set the clock for 12 minutes and then try to go through this 4-exercise circuit as many times as you can – in a strong, safe, controlled manner – in that amount of time.

After 12 minutes is up – OPTIONAL- you can do 2-3 sets of Zottman curls (which I explain below too).

Note for beginners!!: If you have never done a routine like this, cut the time in HALF or even a THIRD. A six minute AMRAP will still be tough – so will a four minute one!

Until we can infuse you with mutant healing powers, it is wiser to step into new exercises with caution!

Alright, let’s talk a bit more about each exercise and variation!

Exercise One: Deadlifts or Good Mornings

The first exercise is to do 10 reps of one of the following:

Barbell Deadlift

Dumbbell RDL

Banded Good Morning

Regular Good Morning

It wouldn’t be a Wolverine Workout without deadlifts! We are looking for the classic “hip hinge” motion, where your knees are bent slightly, your hips move back, and your body bows forward. You’ll maintain a strong lower back position the whole time (natural curve).

Here’s a demonstration of Staci demoing the Deadlift as I explain, from our full fledged training course, The Nerd Fitness Academy:

  Make sure you also read Strength Training 101: The Deadlift

If deadlifts aren’t in the cards, you can also do dumbbell Romanian deadlifts (RDLs). This is like the top part of the deadlift – where we hip hinge – and the dumbbells only go as low as the bottom of the kneecaps. Back remains in a good natural curve position.

That doesn’t work either? Do a banded good morning!

Watch the wolverine workout video and see me at 00:41 step into a band and put it behind my neck and shoulders (it should sit comfortably). I then hold onto the band for control like a pair of suspenders and proceed to do the same hip hinge motion!

No bars? No bands? No claws? No worries!

Do the same “hips back, bow forward” motion as before just without the band – trust me you’ll still feel it. If you’re feeling saucy wolveriney, feel free to hug a backpack with some weight across your chest (not shown in video).

HOW MUCH WEIGHT TO LIFT?

This depends on your strength and proficiency, but we’re looking for a barbell deadlift weight of somewhere around ½ – 3/4th of your bodyweight. If you are a mutant, get around your own bodyweight. When in doubt, LESS weight. If you find yourself in the middle of the workout and think “crap-o, too heavy”, then take the couple extra seconds to reduce weight (10-50% less) or reduce reps (cut them in half). Keep it looking strong. Make Professor X proud.

Exercise Two: Slams or Quick Squats

When I picture Wolverine in battle, I picture him with arms extended, body stretched, about to lay the slice down on some punk.

We’re going to get in on that action with some medicine ball slams. Reach up overhead with a weighted exercise ball, and then slam it into the ground.

Note that in the video I use a Dynamax ball that purposely DOES NOT bounce well. If you are using a medicine ball that’s closer to a basketball, be careful! Quite easy for the ball to bounce back up into your face – this is less than ideal.

In either case, keep your hands on top of the ball to maintain control.

If you don’t have a medicine ball: you can simply squat and swing your arms down (I find to the outside is more natural) like you’re starting a downhill ski race.

The difference here from that last hip hinging exercise is that we are looking to get more movement in the knees, squat lower, and keep the chest up. In addition, we’re looking to add speed downward, as opposed to upward on a deadlift/good morning. This is NOT a collapse downward, but simply a bodyweight squat at a faster, but controlled, downward speed.

Exercise Three: Push-up to Renegade Row

One of my favorite push-pull exercises: and what sounds more like a wolverine exercise than a Renegade Row. We need to build up arms like Wolverine, and I thought it looked a bit like every time he rears back with claws drawn!

The resemblance is… Uncanny.

Grab a pair of dumbbells that allow you to pull strong, keep stable, and keep a good pace. This is not your chance to try and PR your one arm row.

I’m using a pair of 25 lb dumbbells in the video. These would’ve been fine to keep me in a good pace for the workout.

Just like the deadlift, when in doubt go lighter!

Using the dumbbells as handles, do a single push-up, then do a dumbbell row just one side (while keeping your core tight), then do another push-up, then row the other side.

If push-ups from your feet are too hard, you can do them from your knees. You can even do push-ups with your hands/dumbbells on an elevated surface (not shown in video). If you don’t have a pair of dumbbells, just lift your hand and drive your elbow back – squeezing the back strong!

Exercise Four: The Transverse Lunge and Chop

You’re probably wondering, “Hey Jim, what the heck is “transverse” and how is this helping us to be an X-man (or woman)? Is this Marvel’s new extended universe?”

Transverse is referring to the plane of motion that we are moving through in this lunge.

PHYSIOLOGY NERD ALERT!!

We do a majority of our exercises in the sagittal plane (front to back), whereas this is going to see us turning and twisting (transverse plane). #Science.

“Enough talk of planes, Dr. Strange, how is this helpful?”

It helps to get your body moving in different directions so that you’re ready for a lot more of the irregular and asymmetrical movements in life. About the only person that moves exclusively in one direction is T-1000 (sagittal plane again). You bend over to pick up groceries, twist to adjust your kid’s carseat in the back of the car, or you might need to take down a host of violent enemies threatening your existence.

Regardless, we want you to be able to twist without shouting (see what I did there?). I’m gonna explain this below, but it’s best that you watch it first (queued up to the exercise here):

Stand tall with a medicine ball in your outstretched arms. If your feet are currently facing 12 o’clock (both straight ahead), you are then going to step out and back so that one foot now faces 3 o’clock. At the same time, chop downward so the ball is just past and outside the knee. Stand back up to 12 o’clock with both feet, then repeat on the other side – stepping out to 9 o’clock with your left leg, and then back.

In short, imagine you’re Wolverine slashing through a crowd of sentinels. If you don’t have a medicine ball, just keep your hands outstretched, use a backpack, or do it without any weight!

OPTIONAL FINISHING MOVE: Zottman Curls

After your Wolverine AMRAP is done, here is an optional finisher before you cool down.

Why? It’s in Hugh Jackman’s routine for building Wolverine arms AND more importantly, it makes me feel like I’m still slashing things up and down with a pair of claw hands.

With a pair of dumbbells, curl one up to your shoulder – palm up, turn the palm outward at the top and then lower the dumbbell down. Repeat on the other side.

Like so:

Please note: that is me above and not actually Hugh Jackman.

Always Cool Down

Whew! You’ve lifted, pushed, pulled, and slashed your way into X-men shape. Nice job! A cool down and stretch afterwards helps the muscles recover for the next workout and leaves you feeling mobile (you never know when you’ll get called into action!).

There are lots of possibilities here, as long as you’re getting your heart rate lower and stretching the body, you’re good. For example, you can do things like a quick Yoga stretch routine to help wind down.

Here’s a quick cool down asset I’ve grabbed from from our premium monthly adventure, Rising Heroes:

  Good Luck!

Hit up this workout and have people at the movie theater asking if you’re part of the X-men – for your in-shape body, not for your weird hair and penchant for cigars.

To recap: Complete 12 minutes of the Wolverine AMRAP:

10 reps of ONE of these – Barbell Deadlift / Dumbbell RDL / Banded Good Morning / Regular Good Morning

10 reps of EITHER – Medicine Ball Slam / Quick Downwards Bodyweight Squat

10 reps (5 rows per side) – Push-up to Renegade Row (push-up, row left, push-up, row right, repeat)

5 reps per side, alternating – Transverse Lunge and Chop

Optional Finisher: 2-3 sets of 10/arm – Zottman Curls

Have fun and have at it!

-Jim

PS: Speaking of Rising Heroes, our monthly team-based, story-driven, habit-building fitness adventure, today is the last day to join until April. Join a few thousand people and help save the world

photo credit: StefoF: IMG_4263-1, marciorodgs: Wolverine, ell brown: Logan – billboard,

http://ift.tt/2meQKLb

[almajonesnjna]

The Wolverine Workout: Get Strong Like Logan!

This is a post from Nerd Fitness head trainer Jim Bathurst.

YES! Another Wolverine movie! LOGAN hits theaters tomorrow, and I couldn’t be more excited.

If you’re like many people, Wolverine is one of your favorite X-men (especially for short guys like myself!), and nothing is more awesome than seeing the Little Runt rage around and beat up bad guys.

To get you ready and pumped for the movie – more so than taping silverware to your hands – we’ve got a fun workout for you!

Now yes, you can absolutely find Hugh Jackman’s exact workout online. It’s excellent for what he needed to do to get ready for the movie role – a bodybuilding type workout that packed muscle where it mattered for film (chest, shoulders, arms) while giving a good strength base with squats and deadlifts (and making sure Wolverine wasn’t walking on chicken legs).

It WORKED:

Note: if you’re looking for the “How Hugh Jackman got in shape for Logan,” the article is right here: “How to look like Famous Actor in Action Movie!”

We’re assuming you’re not getting ready for a major Hollywood role, nor do you have 5 straight days to spend a few hours in the gym. No worries, we’re going to get a bit of the flavor of Jackman’s workout, and the Wolverine character in general, into our own Nerd Fitness Wolverine Workout!

Always Warm-up First!

Your choice of warm-up for this one, whether it’s a bit of jump roping, light calisthenics, or one of our warm-ups.

I wanted to recommend sprinting through the woods with mutton chops glued to the side of your head, but our lawyers discouraged that for some reason. If you’re going to be using a barbell in the exercise, warm up with several lighter sets of 3-5 reps!

Whatever you choose, you should feel ready and mobile to move around!

The Wolverine Workout

I’ve put together something you can do with very little or zero equipment.

Things will obviously be more challenging with equipment/extra weight, but I wanted options for whichever X-men Academy you currently reside.

Let’s look at the whole thing, watch the video, then talk more in depth:

1) 5 minutes of warm-up

2) 12 minutes of AMRAP (explained below):

10 reps – Barbell Deadlift / Dumbbell RDL / Banded Good Morning / Regular Good Morning

10 reps – Medicine Ball Slam / Quick Downwards Bodyweight Squat

10 reps (5 rows per side) – Push-up to Renegade Row (push-up, row left, push-up, row right, repeat)

5 reps per side, alternate – Transverse Lunge and Chop

3) Optional Finisher: 2-3 sets of 10/arm – Zottman Curls

4) Cool Down!

What all of that ACTUALLY Means!

Did you grow adamantium claws yet? No? Okay keep reading.

Let me answer all of your questions and explain this workout in detail:

What’s an AMRAP, Jim? Sounds like an organization. AMRAP stands for “As Many Rounds As Possible”.

Set the clock for 12 minutes and then try to go through this 4-exercise circuit as many times as you can – in a strong, safe, controlled manner – in that amount of time.

After 12 minutes is up – OPTIONAL- you can do 2-3 sets of Zottman curls (which I explain below too).

Note for beginners!!: If you have never done a routine like this, cut the time in HALF or even a THIRD. A six minute AMRAP will still be tough – so will a four minute one!

Until we can infuse you with mutant healing powers, it is wiser to step into new exercises with caution!

Alright, let’s talk a bit more about each exercise and variation!

Exercise One: Deadlifts or Good Mornings

The first exercise is to do 10 reps of one of the following:

Barbell Deadlift

Dumbbell RDL

Banded Good Morning

Regular Good Morning

It wouldn’t be a Wolverine Workout without deadlifts! We are looking for the classic “hip hinge” motion, where your knees are bent slightly, your hips move back, and your body bows forward. You’ll maintain a strong lower back position the whole time (natural curve).

Here’s a demonstration of Staci demoing the Deadlift as I explain, from our full fledged training course, The Nerd Fitness Academy:

  Make sure you also read Strength Training 101: The Deadlift

If deadlifts aren’t in the cards, you can also do dumbbell Romanian deadlifts (RDLs). This is like the top part of the deadlift – where we hip hinge – and the dumbbells only go as low as the bottom of the kneecaps. Back remains in a good natural curve position.

That doesn’t work either? Do a banded good morning!

Watch the wolverine workout video and see me at 00:41 step into a band and put it behind my neck and shoulders (it should sit comfortably). I then hold onto the band for control like a pair of suspenders and proceed to do the same hip hinge motion!

No bars? No bands? No claws? No worries!

Do the same “hips back, bow forward” motion as before just without the band – trust me you’ll still feel it. If you’re feeling saucy wolveriney, feel free to hug a backpack with some weight across your chest (not shown in video).

HOW MUCH WEIGHT TO LIFT?

This depends on your strength and proficiency, but we’re looking for a barbell deadlift weight of somewhere around ½ – 3/4th of your bodyweight. If you are a mutant, get around your own bodyweight. When in doubt, LESS weight. If you find yourself in the middle of the workout and think “crap-o, too heavy”, then take the couple extra seconds to reduce weight (10-50% less) or reduce reps (cut them in half). Keep it looking strong. Make Professor X proud.

Exercise Two: Slams or Quick Squats

When I picture Wolverine in battle, I picture him with arms extended, body stretched, about to lay the slice down on some punk.

We’re going to get in on that action with some medicine ball slams. Reach up overhead with a weighted exercise ball, and then slam it into the ground.

Note that in the video I use a Dynamax ball that purposely DOES NOT bounce well. If you are using a medicine ball that’s closer to a basketball, be careful! Quite easy for the ball to bounce back up into your face – this is less than ideal.

In either case, keep your hands on top of the ball to maintain control.

If you don’t have a medicine ball: you can simply squat and swing your arms down (I find to the outside is more natural) like you’re starting a downhill ski race.

The difference here from that last hip hinging exercise is that we are looking to get more movement in the knees, squat lower, and keep the chest up. In addition, we’re looking to add speed downward, as opposed to upward on a deadlift/good morning. This is NOT a collapse downward, but simply a bodyweight squat at a faster, but controlled, downward speed.

Exercise Three: Push-up to Renegade Row

One of my favorite push-pull exercises: and what sounds more like a wolverine exercise than a Renegade Row. We need to build up arms like Wolverine, and I thought it looked a bit like every time he rears back with claws drawn!

The resemblance is… Uncanny.

Grab a pair of dumbbells that allow you to pull strong, keep stable, and keep a good pace. This is not your chance to try and PR your one arm row.

I’m using a pair of 25 lb dumbbells in the video. These would’ve been fine to keep me in a good pace for the workout.

Just like the deadlift, when in doubt go lighter!

Using the dumbbells as handles, do a single push-up, then do a dumbbell row just one side (while keeping your core tight), then do another push-up, then row the other side.

If push-ups from your feet are too hard, you can do them from your knees. You can even do push-ups with your hands/dumbbells on an elevated surface (not shown in video). If you don’t have a pair of dumbbells, just lift your hand and drive your elbow back – squeezing the back strong!

Exercise Four: The Transverse Lunge and Chop

You’re probably wondering, “Hey Jim, what the heck is “transverse” and how is this helping us to be an X-man (or woman)? Is this Marvel’s new extended universe?”

Transverse is referring to the plane of motion that we are moving through in this lunge.

PHYSIOLOGY NERD ALERT!!

We do a majority of our exercises in the sagittal plane (front to back), whereas this is going to see us turning and twisting (transverse plane). #Science.

“Enough talk of planes, Dr. Strange, how is this helpful?”

It helps to get your body moving in different directions so that you’re ready for a lot more of the irregular and asymmetrical movements in life. About the only person that moves exclusively in one direction is T-1000 (sagittal plane again). You bend over to pick up groceries, twist to adjust your kid’s carseat in the back of the car, or you might need to take down a host of violent enemies threatening your existence.

Regardless, we want you to be able to twist without shouting (see what I did there?). I’m gonna explain this below, but it’s best that you watch it first (queued up to the exercise here):

Stand tall with a medicine ball in your outstretched arms. If your feet are currently facing 12 o’clock (both straight ahead), you are then going to step out and back so that one foot now faces 3 o’clock. At the same time, chop downward so the ball is just past and outside the knee. Stand back up to 12 o’clock with both feet, then repeat on the other side – stepping out to 9 o’clock with your left leg, and then back.

In short, imagine you’re Wolverine slashing through a crowd of sentinels. If you don’t have a medicine ball, just keep your hands outstretched, use a backpack, or do it without any weight!

OPTIONAL FINISHING MOVE: Zottman Curls

After your Wolverine AMRAP is done, here is an optional finisher before you cool down.

Why? It’s in Hugh Jackman’s routine for building Wolverine arms AND more importantly, it makes me feel like I’m still slashing things up and down with a pair of claw hands.

With a pair of dumbbells, curl one up to your shoulder – palm up, turn the palm outward at the top and then lower the dumbbell down. Repeat on the other side.

Like so:

Please note: that is me above and not actually Hugh Jackman.

Always Cool Down

Whew! You’ve lifted, pushed, pulled, and slashed your way into X-men shape. Nice job! A cool down and stretch afterwards helps the muscles recover for the next workout and leaves you feeling mobile (you never know when you’ll get called into action!).

There are lots of possibilities here, as long as you’re getting your heart rate lower and stretching the body, you’re good. For example, you can do things like a quick Yoga stretch routine to help wind down.

Here’s a quick cool down asset I’ve grabbed from from our premium monthly adventure, Rising Heroes:

  Good Luck!

Hit up this workout and have people at the movie theater asking if you’re part of the X-men – for your in-shape body, not for your weird hair and penchant for cigars.

To recap: Complete 12 minutes of the Wolverine AMRAP:

10 reps of ONE of these – Barbell Deadlift / Dumbbell RDL / Banded Good Morning / Regular Good Morning

10 reps of EITHER – Medicine Ball Slam / Quick Downwards Bodyweight Squat

10 reps (5 rows per side) – Push-up to Renegade Row (push-up, row left, push-up, row right, repeat)

5 reps per side, alternating – Transverse Lunge and Chop

Optional Finisher: 2-3 sets of 10/arm – Zottman Curls

Have fun and have at it!

-Jim

PS: Speaking of Rising Heroes, our monthly team-based, story-driven, habit-building fitness adventure, today is the last day to join until April. Join a few thousand people and help save the world

photo credit: StefoF: IMG_4263-1, marciorodgs: Wolverine, ell brown: Logan – billboard,

http://ift.tt/2meQKLb

[spaceorphan18]

Marvel Movie Night: X-Men

Okay, I wanted to start up my Marvel Movie Nights again - where I go through every film based on a Marvel comic (according to the list on Wikipedia).  I did Blade forever ago, so I’m jumping back into it and hoping I can keep this up a little longer.  Anyway - I’m stealing most of my original review for this, but I did rewatch it!   

//

I first saw X-Men when I was a teenager in high school, and there weren’t really superhero movies unless you count Superman (which was really outdated at that point) and Batman (most of which were….not that great).  So, this was the first big superhero movie that /worked/ - and kind of spawned what superhero movies were to become.  And the film rejuvenated a near failing x-line of comics and Marvel.   I loved the movie back then, having only watched the cartoon before hand, I had no knowledge of the comics.  And it really got me into the X-Men - more than just being a fan of the show when I was a kid.  I picked up a comic book for the first time when I was 16.  

But now here we are, nearly twenty years later (damn), me having read a ton of comics, and have had the entire weight of the XMen franchise and MCU behind me and, well, hm….  It’s not a bad movie.  But I don’t think it’s a particularly great movie either.  I think the biggest problem is that it hasn’t aged well.  It’s very much a product of its time, and it shows.  

Pros:

The message X-Men has always stood there is very much there.  Mutants are feared and hated and it’s allegorical for any minority group ever.  It’s still a resonate theme for even today.  

Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen are perfect in their roles Professor Xavier and Magneto respectively.  The highlights of the film are when these two are in a scene together, a few of which are sprinkled throughout the film. (My favorite being Xavier and Magneto’s standoff with the police, the one time the movie really showcased the two’s powers against each other.) You would think that it might have made more sense to start the franchise based on these two characters alone…. oh wait….  

Also - I kind of love that Xavier, even in the movie-verse, is fucking with everyone’s head.  

Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine.   It’s funny because I think he actually grows more into the part and more comic-book Wolverine as the franchise goes on, but it’s mostly solid here.  

Rogue’s aesthetic.  I don’t mind Anna Paquin’s performance of a young Rogue, even if I miss my sassy grown up Rogue of the comics.  But she definitely looked like Rogue.  And that was pretty cool.  

Wolverine and Rogue’s friendship.  Man, I wish they had built more on that.  There could be a whole movie just with the two of them - and that would have been fun.  

Famke Janssen as Jean Grey.  She does the role really well, even if I wish that even Jean was more developed.  She also really looks the part, man…

The kid who played Iceman works! I’m sorry there was so little of him, but he’s good in the role.  

I like the Rogue/Iceman friendship.  I don’t necessarily buy the romantic angle set up in other films (Iceman is gay and Rogue has better chemistry with other people) but they do have a comic friendship that’s a pretty cool dynamic.  And I think that plays out well on screen here.  

The little Easter eggs for the comic fans.  I get them all now. Not sure what that says about me but – yay!!

There are some really good one-liners.  

The few times the X-Men actually worked as a team was really fun.  

The school set - damn.  That is so the school.  

Cons:

One of the things I think really helped MCU is that they didn’t start with The Avengers.  They started with Iron Man and Captain America and Thor’s individual stories and built on them until they led up to The Avengers.  While I realize this was never going to work with X-Men (I mean, X-Men is a team book and people probably wouldn’t have wanted solo series first), I think one draw back to this film is that it can’t properly give the characters the fleshing out they deserve because it’s only two hours.  And the pantheon of characters who deserve to be focus would never be able to fit in a twenty hour film let alone two.  (I understand the central focus of Wolverine, but it makes me miss development of nearly every other character.)

Case in point - Cyclops and Storm are incredible characters and they’re all but lifeless here.  At least James Marsden gets the feel of Cyclops, even if he’s barely developed.  Halle Berry’s Storm though - well - I think it’s pretty universally panned.  

(Storm is so amazing and deserves so much more.)

This film completely lacks any energy and feels incredibly slow paced.  I get I’m now spoiled by the high-adrenaline of the MCU, but, idk, this movie really drags.  The characters have such interesting powers - it’s a shame we didn’t really get them more in-depth.  

The special effects are incredibly dated, to the point where some are really cringe-worthy.  Also, Wolverine’s claws…. eesh…  

The brotherhood of (evil) mutants feels lacking.  I understand why they went with who they went with (Sabretooth, Mystique, Toad) but none of them are developed enough for me to care.  

Which brings me to - I feel like there’s no real tension in the film? The plot is classic in that it’s Xavier vs Magneto’s dueling ideologies about mutants and humans coexisting.  But I guess I don’t really feel the threat?  Maybe because so many of these characters have such great inner conflicts that that seems like the more interesting avenue to go down.  

The Jean/Wolverine hint of romance.  Wolverine isn’t a flirty character, and I don’t really buy it in any incarnation.  

Most of Rogue’s actions don’t make any sense.  Why does she run to Canada? Because she needs to be there to meet Wolverine.  Why does she sneak into Wolverine’s room? Because Wolverine needs to stab her and she can steal his power.  Why does Rogue believe fake Bobby? Because she has to get on that train.  I mean - Rogue is a runner by nature, but it feels like 90% of her actions are plot driven and not necessarily logical.  

Other Things:

Doctor Jean Grey.  Ha.  I had forgotten they made her a Dr.  It’s fine - mean more power to women with power.  Just – Jean, no.  And it made me miss Beast.  

When Wolverine is wondering around the school near the beginning, I kept waiting for Hugh Jackman to break out into song.  

The movie is aesthetically dark - as I believe it was trying to move away from the brightly colored spandex of the comics.  I get why they went there, so not really a con.  But I do miss the bright colors.  

Not entirely sure why they needed to explain the coloring of Rogue’s hair.  But it’s an interesting little addition.  She doesn’t feel like Rogue without the white streak though.  

Why is Mystique completely naked?  In the comics she wheres a white, flowy dress.  She needs her white, flowy dress to be Mystique.  Idk…  

Final thoughts: I’m giving it a 6/10.  The movie feels like a basic introduction to so many other interesting things.  While not bad, in general, doesn’t hold up well after all this time.  And with the exception of Wolverine, the characters just feel so flat.  

Next Up: Blade gets a sequel

[joshuabradleyn]

The Wolverine Workout: Get Strong Like Logan!

This is a post from Nerd Fitness head trainer Jim Bathurst.

YES! Another Wolverine movie! LOGAN hits theaters tomorrow, and I couldn’t be more excited.

If you’re like many people, Wolverine is one of your favorite X-men (especially for short guys like myself!), and nothing is more awesome than seeing the Little Runt rage around and beat up bad guys.

To get you ready and pumped for the movie – more so than taping silverware to your hands – we’ve got a fun workout for you!

Now yes, you can absolutely find Hugh Jackman’s exact workout online. It’s excellent for what he needed to do to get ready for the movie role – a bodybuilding type workout that packed muscle where it mattered for film (chest, shoulders, arms) while giving a good strength base with squats and deadlifts (and making sure Wolverine wasn’t walking on chicken legs).

It WORKED:

Note: if you’re looking for the “How Hugh Jackman got in shape for Logan,” the article is right here: “How to look like Famous Actor in Action Movie!”

We’re assuming you’re not getting ready for a major Hollywood role, nor do you have 5 straight days to spend a few hours in the gym. No worries, we’re going to get a bit of the flavor of Jackman’s workout, and the Wolverine character in general, into our own Nerd Fitness Wolverine Workout!

Always Warm-up First!

Your choice of warm-up for this one, whether it’s a bit of jump roping, light calisthenics, or one of our warm-ups.

I wanted to recommend sprinting through the woods with mutton chops glued to the side of your head, but our lawyers discouraged that for some reason. If you’re going to be using a barbell in the exercise, warm up with several lighter sets of 3-5 reps!

Whatever you choose, you should feel ready and mobile to move around!

The Wolverine Workout

I’ve put together something you can do with very little or zero equipment.

Things will obviously be more challenging with equipment/extra weight, but I wanted options for whichever X-men Academy you currently reside.

Let’s look at the whole thing, watch the video, then talk more in depth:

1) 5 minutes of warm-up

2) 12 minutes of AMRAP (explained below):

10 reps – Barbell Deadlift / Dumbbell RDL / Banded Good Morning / Regular Good Morning

10 reps – Medicine Ball Slam / Quick Downwards Bodyweight Squat

10 reps (5 rows per side) – Push-up to Renegade Row (push-up, row left, push-up, row right, repeat)

5 reps per side, alternate – Transverse Lunge and Chop

3) Optional Finisher: 2-3 sets of 10/arm – Zottman Curls

4) Cool Down!

What all of that ACTUALLY Means!

Did you grow adamantium claws yet? No? Okay keep reading.

Let me answer all of your questions and explain this workout in detail:

What’s an AMRAP, Jim? Sounds like an organization. AMRAP stands for “As Many Rounds As Possible”.

Set the clock for 12 minutes and then try to go through this 4-exercise circuit as many times as you can – in a strong, safe, controlled manner – in that amount of time.

After 12 minutes is up – OPTIONAL- you can do 2-3 sets of Zottman curls (which I explain below too).

Note for beginners!!: If you have never done a routine like this, cut the time in HALF or even a THIRD. A six minute AMRAP will still be tough – so will a four minute one!

Until we can infuse you with mutant healing powers, it is wiser to step into new exercises with caution!

Alright, let’s talk a bit more about each exercise and variation!

Exercise One: Deadlifts or Good Mornings

The first exercise is to do 10 reps of one of the following:

Barbell Deadlift

Dumbbell RDL

Banded Good Morning

Regular Good Morning

It wouldn’t be a Wolverine Workout without deadlifts! We are looking for the classic “hip hinge” motion, where your knees are bent slightly, your hips move back, and your body bows forward. You’ll maintain a strong lower back position the whole time (natural curve).

Here’s a demonstration of Staci demoing the Deadlift as I explain, from our full fledged training course, The Nerd Fitness Academy:

  Make sure you also read Strength Training 101: The Deadlift

If deadlifts aren’t in the cards, you can also do dumbbell Romanian deadlifts (RDLs). This is like the top part of the deadlift – where we hip hinge – and the dumbbells only go as low as the bottom of the kneecaps. Back remains in a good natural curve position.

That doesn’t work either? Do a banded good morning!

Watch the wolverine workout video and see me at 00:41 step into a band and put it behind my neck and shoulders (it should sit comfortably). I then hold onto the band for control like a pair of suspenders and proceed to do the same hip hinge motion!

No bars? No bands? No claws? No worries!

Do the same “hips back, bow forward” motion as before just without the band – trust me you’ll still feel it. If you’re feeling saucy wolveriney, feel free to hug a backpack with some weight across your chest (not shown in video).

HOW MUCH WEIGHT TO LIFT?

This depends on your strength and proficiency, but we’re looking for a barbell deadlift weight of somewhere around ½ – 3/4th of your bodyweight. If you are a mutant, get around your own bodyweight. When in doubt, LESS weight. If you find yourself in the middle of the workout and think “crap-o, too heavy”, then take the couple extra seconds to reduce weight (10-50% less) or reduce reps (cut them in half). Keep it looking strong. Make Professor X proud.

Exercise Two: Slams or Quick Squats

When I picture Wolverine in battle, I picture him with arms extended, body stretched, about to lay the slice down on some punk.

We’re going to get in on that action with some medicine ball slams. Reach up overhead with a weighted exercise ball, and then slam it into the ground.

Note that in the video I use a Dynamax ball that purposely DOES NOT bounce well. If you are using a medicine ball that’s closer to a basketball, be careful! Quite easy for the ball to bounce back up into your face – this is less than ideal.

In either case, keep your hands on top of the ball to maintain control.

If you don’t have a medicine ball: you can simply squat and swing your arms down (I find to the outside is more natural) like you’re starting a downhill ski race.

The difference here from that last hip hinging exercise is that we are looking to get more movement in the knees, squat lower, and keep the chest up. In addition, we’re looking to add speed downward, as opposed to upward on a deadlift/good morning. This is NOT a collapse downward, but simply a bodyweight squat at a faster, but controlled, downward speed.

Exercise Three: Push-up to Renegade Row

One of my favorite push-pull exercises: and what sounds more like a wolverine exercise than a Renegade Row. We need to build up arms like Wolverine, and I thought it looked a bit like every time he rears back with claws drawn!

The resemblance is… Uncanny.

Grab a pair of dumbbells that allow you to pull strong, keep stable, and keep a good pace. This is not your chance to try and PR your one arm row.

I’m using a pair of 25 lb dumbbells in the video. These would’ve been fine to keep me in a good pace for the workout.

Just like the deadlift, when in doubt go lighter!

Using the dumbbells as handles, do a single push-up, then do a dumbbell row just one side (while keeping your core tight), then do another push-up, then row the other side.

If push-ups from your feet are too hard, you can do them from your knees. You can even do push-ups with your hands/dumbbells on an elevated surface (not shown in video). If you don’t have a pair of dumbbells, just lift your hand and drive your elbow back – squeezing the back strong!

Exercise Four: The Transverse Lunge and Chop

You’re probably wondering, “Hey Jim, what the heck is “transverse” and how is this helping us to be an X-man (or woman)? Is this Marvel’s new extended universe?”

Transverse is referring to the plane of motion that we are moving through in this lunge.

PHYSIOLOGY NERD ALERT!!

We do a majority of our exercises in the sagittal plane (front to back), whereas this is going to see us turning and twisting (transverse plane). #Science.

“Enough talk of planes, Dr. Strange, how is this helpful?”

It helps to get your body moving in different directions so that you’re ready for a lot more of the irregular and asymmetrical movements in life. About the only person that moves exclusively in one direction is T-1000 (sagittal plane again). You bend over to pick up groceries, twist to adjust your kid’s carseat in the back of the car, or you might need to take down a host of violent enemies threatening your existence.

Regardless, we want you to be able to twist without shouting (see what I did there?). I’m gonna explain this below, but it’s best that you watch it first (queued up to the exercise here):

Stand tall with a medicine ball in your outstretched arms. If your feet are currently facing 12 o’clock (both straight ahead), you are then going to step out and back so that one foot now faces 3 o’clock. At the same time, chop downward so the ball is just past and outside the knee. Stand back up to 12 o’clock with both feet, then repeat on the other side – stepping out to 9 o’clock with your left leg, and then back.

In short, imagine you’re Wolverine slashing through a crowd of sentinels. If you don’t have a medicine ball, just keep your hands outstretched, use a backpack, or do it without any weight!

OPTIONAL FINISHING MOVE: Zottman Curls

After your Wolverine AMRAP is done, here is an optional finisher before you cool down.

Why? It’s in Hugh Jackman’s routine for building Wolverine arms AND more importantly, it makes me feel like I’m still slashing things up and down with a pair of claw hands.

With a pair of dumbbells, curl one up to your shoulder – palm up, turn the palm outward at the top and then lower the dumbbell down. Repeat on the other side.

Like so:

Please note: that is me above and not actually Hugh Jackman.

Always Cool Down

Whew! You’ve lifted, pushed, pulled, and slashed your way into X-men shape. Nice job! A cool down and stretch afterwards helps the muscles recover for the next workout and leaves you feeling mobile (you never know when you’ll get called into action!).

There are lots of possibilities here, as long as you’re getting your heart rate lower and stretching the body, you’re good. For example, you can do things like a quick Yoga stretch routine to help wind down.

Here’s a quick cool down asset I’ve grabbed from from our premium monthly adventure, Rising Heroes:

  Good Luck!

Hit up this workout and have people at the movie theater asking if you’re part of the X-men – for your in-shape body, not for your weird hair and penchant for cigars.

To recap: Complete 12 minutes of the Wolverine AMRAP:

10 reps of ONE of these – Barbell Deadlift / Dumbbell RDL / Banded Good Morning / Regular Good Morning

10 reps of EITHER – Medicine Ball Slam / Quick Downwards Bodyweight Squat

10 reps (5 rows per side) – Push-up to Renegade Row (push-up, row left, push-up, row right, repeat)

5 reps per side, alternating – Transverse Lunge and Chop

Optional Finisher: 2-3 sets of 10/arm – Zottman Curls

Have fun and have at it!

-Jim

PS: Speaking of Rising Heroes, our monthly team-based, story-driven, habit-building fitness adventure, today is the last day to join until April. Join a few thousand people and help save the world

photo credit: StefoF: IMG_4263-1, marciorodgs: Wolverine, ell brown: Logan – billboard,

http://ift.tt/2meQKLb

[ruthellisneda]

The Wolverine Workout: Get Strong Like Logan!

This is a post from Nerd Fitness head trainer Jim Bathurst.

YES! Another Wolverine movie! LOGAN hits theaters tomorrow, and I couldn’t be more excited.

If you’re like many people, Wolverine is one of your favorite X-men (especially for short guys like myself!), and nothing is more awesome than seeing the Little Runt rage around and beat up bad guys.

To get you ready and pumped for the movie – more so than taping silverware to your hands – we’ve got a fun workout for you!

Now yes, you can absolutely find Hugh Jackman’s exact workout online. It’s excellent for what he needed to do to get ready for the movie role – a bodybuilding type workout that packed muscle where it mattered for film (chest, shoulders, arms) while giving a good strength base with squats and deadlifts (and making sure Wolverine wasn’t walking on chicken legs).

It WORKED:

Note: if you’re looking for the “How Hugh Jackman got in shape for Logan,” the article is right here: “How to look like Famous Actor in Action Movie!”

We’re assuming you’re not getting ready for a major Hollywood role, nor do you have 5 straight days to spend a few hours in the gym. No worries, we’re going to get a bit of the flavor of Jackman’s workout, and the Wolverine character in general, into our own Nerd Fitness Wolverine Workout!

Always Warm-up First!

Your choice of warm-up for this one, whether it’s a bit of jump roping, light calisthenics, or one of our warm-ups.

I wanted to recommend sprinting through the woods with mutton chops glued to the side of your head, but our lawyers discouraged that for some reason. If you’re going to be using a barbell in the exercise, warm up with several lighter sets of 3-5 reps!

Whatever you choose, you should feel ready and mobile to move around!

The Wolverine Workout

I’ve put together something you can do with very little or zero equipment.

Things will obviously be more challenging with equipment/extra weight, but I wanted options for whichever X-men Academy you currently reside.

Let’s look at the whole thing, watch the video, then talk more in depth:

1) 5 minutes of warm-up

2) 12 minutes of AMRAP (explained below):

10 reps – Barbell Deadlift / Dumbbell RDL / Banded Good Morning / Regular Good Morning

10 reps – Medicine Ball Slam / Quick Downwards Bodyweight Squat

10 reps (5 rows per side) – Push-up to Renegade Row (push-up, row left, push-up, row right, repeat)

5 reps per side, alternate – Transverse Lunge and Chop

3) Optional Finisher: 2-3 sets of 10/arm – Zottman Curls

4) Cool Down!

What all of that ACTUALLY Means!

Did you grow adamantium claws yet? No? Okay keep reading.

Let me answer all of your questions and explain this workout in detail:

What’s an AMRAP, Jim? Sounds like an organization. AMRAP stands for “As Many Rounds As Possible”.

Set the clock for 12 minutes and then try to go through this 4-exercise circuit as many times as you can – in a strong, safe, controlled manner – in that amount of time.

After 12 minutes is up – OPTIONAL- you can do 2-3 sets of Zottman curls (which I explain below too).

Note for beginners!!: If you have never done a routine like this, cut the time in HALF or even a THIRD. A six minute AMRAP will still be tough – so will a four minute one!

Until we can infuse you with mutant healing powers, it is wiser to step into new exercises with caution!

Alright, let’s talk a bit more about each exercise and variation!

Exercise One: Deadlifts or Good Mornings

The first exercise is to do 10 reps of one of the following:

Barbell Deadlift

Dumbbell RDL

Banded Good Morning

Regular Good Morning

It wouldn’t be a Wolverine Workout without deadlifts! We are looking for the classic “hip hinge” motion, where your knees are bent slightly, your hips move back, and your body bows forward. You’ll maintain a strong lower back position the whole time (natural curve).

Here’s a demonstration of Staci demoing the Deadlift as I explain, from our full fledged training course, The Nerd Fitness Academy:

  Make sure you also read Strength Training 101: The Deadlift

If deadlifts aren’t in the cards, you can also do dumbbell Romanian deadlifts (RDLs). This is like the top part of the deadlift – where we hip hinge – and the dumbbells only go as low as the bottom of the kneecaps. Back remains in a good natural curve position.

That doesn’t work either? Do a banded good morning!

Watch the wolverine workout video and see me at 00:41 step into a band and put it behind my neck and shoulders (it should sit comfortably). I then hold onto the band for control like a pair of suspenders and proceed to do the same hip hinge motion!

No bars? No bands? No claws? No worries!

Do the same “hips back, bow forward” motion as before just without the band – trust me you’ll still feel it. If you’re feeling saucy wolveriney, feel free to hug a backpack with some weight across your chest (not shown in video).

HOW MUCH WEIGHT TO LIFT?

This depends on your strength and proficiency, but we’re looking for a barbell deadlift weight of somewhere around ½ – 3/4th of your bodyweight. If you are a mutant, get around your own bodyweight. When in doubt, LESS weight. If you find yourself in the middle of the workout and think “crap-o, too heavy”, then take the couple extra seconds to reduce weight (10-50% less) or reduce reps (cut them in half). Keep it looking strong. Make Professor X proud.

Exercise Two: Slams or Quick Squats

When I picture Wolverine in battle, I picture him with arms extended, body stretched, about to lay the slice down on some punk.

We’re going to get in on that action with some medicine ball slams. Reach up overhead with a weighted exercise ball, and then slam it into the ground.

Note that in the video I use a Dynamax ball that purposely DOES NOT bounce well. If you are using a medicine ball that’s closer to a basketball, be careful! Quite easy for the ball to bounce back up into your face – this is less than ideal.

In either case, keep your hands on top of the ball to maintain control.

If you don’t have a medicine ball: you can simply squat and swing your arms down (I find to the outside is more natural) like you’re starting a downhill ski race.

The difference here from that last hip hinging exercise is that we are looking to get more movement in the knees, squat lower, and keep the chest up. In addition, we’re looking to add speed downward, as opposed to upward on a deadlift/good morning. This is NOT a collapse downward, but simply a bodyweight squat at a faster, but controlled, downward speed.

Exercise Three: Push-up to Renegade Row

One of my favorite push-pull exercises: and what sounds more like a wolverine exercise than a Renegade Row. We need to build up arms like Wolverine, and I thought it looked a bit like every time he rears back with claws drawn!

The resemblance is… Uncanny.

Grab a pair of dumbbells that allow you to pull strong, keep stable, and keep a good pace. This is not your chance to try and PR your one arm row.

I’m using a pair of 25 lb dumbbells in the video. These would’ve been fine to keep me in a good pace for the workout.

Just like the deadlift, when in doubt go lighter!

Using the dumbbells as handles, do a single push-up, then do a dumbbell row just one side (while keeping your core tight), then do another push-up, then row the other side.

If push-ups from your feet are too hard, you can do them from your knees. You can even do push-ups with your hands/dumbbells on an elevated surface (not shown in video). If you don’t have a pair of dumbbells, just lift your hand and drive your elbow back – squeezing the back strong!

Exercise Four: The Transverse Lunge and Chop

You’re probably wondering, “Hey Jim, what the heck is “transverse” and how is this helping us to be an X-man (or woman)? Is this Marvel’s new extended universe?”

Transverse is referring to the plane of motion that we are moving through in this lunge.

PHYSIOLOGY NERD ALERT!!

We do a majority of our exercises in the sagittal plane (front to back), whereas this is going to see us turning and twisting (transverse plane). #Science.

“Enough talk of planes, Dr. Strange, how is this helpful?”

It helps to get your body moving in different directions so that you’re ready for a lot more of the irregular and asymmetrical movements in life. About the only person that moves exclusively in one direction is T-1000 (sagittal plane again). You bend over to pick up groceries, twist to adjust your kid’s carseat in the back of the car, or you might need to take down a host of violent enemies threatening your existence.

Regardless, we want you to be able to twist without shouting (see what I did there?). I’m gonna explain this below, but it’s best that you watch it first (queued up to the exercise here):

Stand tall with a medicine ball in your outstretched arms. If your feet are currently facing 12 o’clock (both straight ahead), you are then going to step out and back so that one foot now faces 3 o’clock. At the same time, chop downward so the ball is just past and outside the knee. Stand back up to 12 o’clock with both feet, then repeat on the other side – stepping out to 9 o’clock with your left leg, and then back.

In short, imagine you’re Wolverine slashing through a crowd of sentinels. If you don’t have a medicine ball, just keep your hands outstretched, use a backpack, or do it without any weight!

OPTIONAL FINISHING MOVE: Zottman Curls

After your Wolverine AMRAP is done, here is an optional finisher before you cool down.

Why? It’s in Hugh Jackman’s routine for building Wolverine arms AND more importantly, it makes me feel like I’m still slashing things up and down with a pair of claw hands.

With a pair of dumbbells, curl one up to your shoulder – palm up, turn the palm outward at the top and then lower the dumbbell down. Repeat on the other side.

Like so:

Please note: that is me above and not actually Hugh Jackman.

Always Cool Down

Whew! You’ve lifted, pushed, pulled, and slashed your way into X-men shape. Nice job! A cool down and stretch afterwards helps the muscles recover for the next workout and leaves you feeling mobile (you never know when you’ll get called into action!).

There are lots of possibilities here, as long as you’re getting your heart rate lower and stretching the body, you’re good. For example, you can do things like a quick Yoga stretch routine to help wind down.

Here’s a quick cool down asset I’ve grabbed from from our premium monthly adventure, Rising Heroes:

  Good Luck!

Hit up this workout and have people at the movie theater asking if you’re part of the X-men – for your in-shape body, not for your weird hair and penchant for cigars.

To recap: Complete 12 minutes of the Wolverine AMRAP:

10 reps of ONE of these – Barbell Deadlift / Dumbbell RDL / Banded Good Morning / Regular Good Morning

10 reps of EITHER – Medicine Ball Slam / Quick Downwards Bodyweight Squat

10 reps (5 rows per side) – Push-up to Renegade Row (push-up, row left, push-up, row right, repeat)

5 reps per side, alternating – Transverse Lunge and Chop

Optional Finisher: 2-3 sets of 10/arm – Zottman Curls

Have fun and have at it!

-Jim

PS: Speaking of Rising Heroes, our monthly team-based, story-driven, habit-building fitness adventure, today is the last day to join until April. Join a few thousand people and help save the world

photo credit: StefoF: IMG_4263-1, marciorodgs: Wolverine, ell brown: Logan – billboard,

http://ift.tt/2meQKLb

[albertcaldwellne]

The Wolverine Workout: Get Strong Like Logan!

This is a post from Nerd Fitness head trainer Jim Bathurst.

YES! Another Wolverine movie! LOGAN hits theaters tomorrow, and I couldn’t be more excited.

If you’re like many people, Wolverine is one of your favorite X-men (especially for short guys like myself!), and nothing is more awesome than seeing the Little Runt rage around and beat up bad guys.

To get you ready and pumped for the movie – more so than taping silverware to your hands – we’ve got a fun workout for you!

Now yes, you can absolutely find Hugh Jackman’s exact workout online. It’s excellent for what he needed to do to get ready for the movie role – a bodybuilding type workout that packed muscle where it mattered for film (chest, shoulders, arms) while giving a good strength base with squats and deadlifts (and making sure Wolverine wasn’t walking on chicken legs).

It WORKED:

Note: if you’re looking for the “How Hugh Jackman got in shape for Logan,” the article is right here: “How to look like Famous Actor in Action Movie!”

We’re assuming you’re not getting ready for a major Hollywood role, nor do you have 5 straight days to spend a few hours in the gym. No worries, we’re going to get a bit of the flavor of Jackman’s workout, and the Wolverine character in general, into our own Nerd Fitness Wolverine Workout!

Always Warm-up First!

Your choice of warm-up for this one, whether it’s a bit of jump roping, light calisthenics, or one of our warm-ups.

I wanted to recommend sprinting through the woods with mutton chops glued to the side of your head, but our lawyers discouraged that for some reason. If you’re going to be using a barbell in the exercise, warm up with several lighter sets of 3-5 reps!

Whatever you choose, you should feel ready and mobile to move around!

The Wolverine Workout

I’ve put together something you can do with very little or zero equipment.

Things will obviously be more challenging with equipment/extra weight, but I wanted options for whichever X-men Academy you currently reside.

Let’s look at the whole thing, watch the video, then talk more in depth:

1) 5 minutes of warm-up

2) 12 minutes of AMRAP (explained below):

10 reps – Barbell Deadlift / Dumbbell RDL / Banded Good Morning / Regular Good Morning

10 reps – Medicine Ball Slam / Quick Downwards Bodyweight Squat

10 reps (5 rows per side) – Push-up to Renegade Row (push-up, row left, push-up, row right, repeat)

5 reps per side, alternate – Transverse Lunge and Chop

3) Optional Finisher: 2-3 sets of 10/arm – Zottman Curls

4) Cool Down!

What all of that ACTUALLY Means!

Did you grow adamantium claws yet? No? Okay keep reading.

Let me answer all of your questions and explain this workout in detail:

What’s an AMRAP, Jim? Sounds like an organization. AMRAP stands for “As Many Rounds As Possible”.

Set the clock for 12 minutes and then try to go through this 4-exercise circuit as many times as you can – in a strong, safe, controlled manner – in that amount of time.

After 12 minutes is up – OPTIONAL- you can do 2-3 sets of Zottman curls (which I explain below too).

Note for beginners!!: If you have never done a routine like this, cut the time in HALF or even a THIRD. A six minute AMRAP will still be tough – so will a four minute one!

Until we can infuse you with mutant healing powers, it is wiser to step into new exercises with caution!

Alright, let’s talk a bit more about each exercise and variation!

Exercise One: Deadlifts or Good Mornings

The first exercise is to do 10 reps of one of the following:

Barbell Deadlift

Dumbbell RDL

Banded Good Morning

Regular Good Morning

It wouldn’t be a Wolverine Workout without deadlifts! We are looking for the classic “hip hinge” motion, where your knees are bent slightly, your hips move back, and your body bows forward. You’ll maintain a strong lower back position the whole time (natural curve).

Here’s a demonstration of Staci demoing the Deadlift as I explain, from our full fledged training course, The Nerd Fitness Academy:

  Make sure you also read Strength Training 101: The Deadlift

If deadlifts aren’t in the cards, you can also do dumbbell Romanian deadlifts (RDLs). This is like the top part of the deadlift – where we hip hinge – and the dumbbells only go as low as the bottom of the kneecaps. Back remains in a good natural curve position.

That doesn’t work either? Do a banded good morning!

Watch the wolverine workout video and see me at 00:41 step into a band and put it behind my neck and shoulders (it should sit comfortably). I then hold onto the band for control like a pair of suspenders and proceed to do the same hip hinge motion!

No bars? No bands? No claws? No worries!

Do the same “hips back, bow forward” motion as before just without the band – trust me you’ll still feel it. If you’re feeling saucy wolveriney, feel free to hug a backpack with some weight across your chest (not shown in video).

HOW MUCH WEIGHT TO LIFT?

This depends on your strength and proficiency, but we’re looking for a barbell deadlift weight of somewhere around ½ – 3/4th of your bodyweight. If you are a mutant, get around your own bodyweight. When in doubt, LESS weight. If you find yourself in the middle of the workout and think “crap-o, too heavy”, then take the couple extra seconds to reduce weight (10-50% less) or reduce reps (cut them in half). Keep it looking strong. Make Professor X proud.

Exercise Two: Slams or Quick Squats

When I picture Wolverine in battle, I picture him with arms extended, body stretched, about to lay the slice down on some punk.

We’re going to get in on that action with some medicine ball slams. Reach up overhead with a weighted exercise ball, and then slam it into the ground.

Note that in the video I use a Dynamax ball that purposely DOES NOT bounce well. If you are using a medicine ball that’s closer to a basketball, be careful! Quite easy for the ball to bounce back up into your face – this is less than ideal.

In either case, keep your hands on top of the ball to maintain control.

If you don’t have a medicine ball: you can simply squat and swing your arms down (I find to the outside is more natural) like you’re starting a downhill ski race.

The difference here from that last hip hinging exercise is that we are looking to get more movement in the knees, squat lower, and keep the chest up. In addition, we’re looking to add speed downward, as opposed to upward on a deadlift/good morning. This is NOT a collapse downward, but simply a bodyweight squat at a faster, but controlled, downward speed.

Exercise Three: Push-up to Renegade Row

One of my favorite push-pull exercises: and what sounds more like a wolverine exercise than a Renegade Row. We need to build up arms like Wolverine, and I thought it looked a bit like every time he rears back with claws drawn!

The resemblance is… Uncanny.

Grab a pair of dumbbells that allow you to pull strong, keep stable, and keep a good pace. This is not your chance to try and PR your one arm row.

I’m using a pair of 25 lb dumbbells in the video. These would’ve been fine to keep me in a good pace for the workout.

Just like the deadlift, when in doubt go lighter!

Using the dumbbells as handles, do a single push-up, then do a dumbbell row just one side (while keeping your core tight), then do another push-up, then row the other side.

If push-ups from your feet are too hard, you can do them from your knees. You can even do push-ups with your hands/dumbbells on an elevated surface (not shown in video). If you don’t have a pair of dumbbells, just lift your hand and drive your elbow back – squeezing the back strong!

Exercise Four: The Transverse Lunge and Chop

You’re probably wondering, “Hey Jim, what the heck is “transverse” and how is this helping us to be an X-man (or woman)? Is this Marvel’s new extended universe?”

Transverse is referring to the plane of motion that we are moving through in this lunge.

PHYSIOLOGY NERD ALERT!!

We do a majority of our exercises in the sagittal plane (front to back), whereas this is going to see us turning and twisting (transverse plane). #Science.

“Enough talk of planes, Dr. Strange, how is this helpful?”

It helps to get your body moving in different directions so that you’re ready for a lot more of the irregular and asymmetrical movements in life. About the only person that moves exclusively in one direction is T-1000 (sagittal plane again). You bend over to pick up groceries, twist to adjust your kid’s carseat in the back of the car, or you might need to take down a host of violent enemies threatening your existence.

Regardless, we want you to be able to twist without shouting (see what I did there?). I’m gonna explain this below, but it’s best that you watch it first (queued up to the exercise here):

Stand tall with a medicine ball in your outstretched arms. If your feet are currently facing 12 o’clock (both straight ahead), you are then going to step out and back so that one foot now faces 3 o’clock. At the same time, chop downward so the ball is just past and outside the knee. Stand back up to 12 o’clock with both feet, then repeat on the other side – stepping out to 9 o’clock with your left leg, and then back.

In short, imagine you’re Wolverine slashing through a crowd of sentinels. If you don’t have a medicine ball, just keep your hands outstretched, use a backpack, or do it without any weight!

OPTIONAL FINISHING MOVE: Zottman Curls

After your Wolverine AMRAP is done, here is an optional finisher before you cool down.

Why? It’s in Hugh Jackman’s routine for building Wolverine arms AND more importantly, it makes me feel like I’m still slashing things up and down with a pair of claw hands.

With a pair of dumbbells, curl one up to your shoulder – palm up, turn the palm outward at the top and then lower the dumbbell down. Repeat on the other side.

Like so:

Please note: that is me above and not actually Hugh Jackman.

Always Cool Down

Whew! You’ve lifted, pushed, pulled, and slashed your way into X-men shape. Nice job! A cool down and stretch afterwards helps the muscles recover for the next workout and leaves you feeling mobile (you never know when you’ll get called into action!).

There are lots of possibilities here, as long as you’re getting your heart rate lower and stretching the body, you’re good. For example, you can do things like a quick Yoga stretch routine to help wind down.

Here’s a quick cool down asset I’ve grabbed from from our premium monthly adventure, Rising Heroes:

  Good Luck!

Hit up this workout and have people at the movie theater asking if you’re part of the X-men – for your in-shape body, not for your weird hair and penchant for cigars.

To recap: Complete 12 minutes of the Wolverine AMRAP:

10 reps of ONE of these – Barbell Deadlift / Dumbbell RDL / Banded Good Morning / Regular Good Morning

10 reps of EITHER – Medicine Ball Slam / Quick Downwards Bodyweight Squat

10 reps (5 rows per side) – Push-up to Renegade Row (push-up, row left, push-up, row right, repeat)

5 reps per side, alternating – Transverse Lunge and Chop

Optional Finisher: 2-3 sets of 10/arm – Zottman Curls

Have fun and have at it!

-Jim

PS: Speaking of Rising Heroes, our monthly team-based, story-driven, habit-building fitness adventure, today is the last day to join until April. Join a few thousand people and help save the world

photo credit: StefoF: IMG_4263-1, marciorodgs: Wolverine, ell brown: Logan – billboard,

http://ift.tt/2meQKLb