#help me (keep my head above water)
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#not built for this functioning thing#and its not like anythign that helps me function is in place either#i guess i do just about well enough to keep my head above water#but im fucking drowning
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currently experiencing The Horrors (thinking abt the fact that i have to start going into the office again from tomorrow)
this will either fix me entirely or cause me to descend so deeply into my burnout sinkhole that i will never be seen or heard from again
#regrettably i think maybe getting out of the house for a few hours might help. don't tell the ceo that#idk im having a really hard time keeping my head above water right now#i basically didn't have any time off last year just to do nothing. every holiday i took was to like. do an activity#like go to america or germany for cons or travel for a concert or some other event#whereas i usually use 75% of my time off to get some desperately needed rest#im really running on empty at this point but i really don't wanna use a bunch of my annual leave this early in the year#also i need to start learning how to say no to people#because last year i used probably 60% of my leave for other people#like. i used 2 weeks to go to washington with my brother as his 18th bday present. that was literally half my leave#and then i used another 3-4 days to visit relatives#and this year i was like 'im gonna be proper selfish with my a/l this year and use it ALL to do what i want to do'#then my mum rang me up and asked me to use a day of it to hang out with her and i said yes. like an idiot#like don't misunderstand me. i love my mum. but i already see her every weekend#and i also have to like. not tell her when i book leave for myself because she'll be like 'oh so we can do something!'#NO. PLEASE. LET ME ROT IN PEACE.#im just so frustrated that i im such a pushover and i already broke my promise to myself this early on#like. why can i not advocate for myself ever. why can i not just. disappoint people. and have that be okay.#personal
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One of the reasons I love my job so much is because they really push the idea that you’re capable of anything. Even if you feel unsure on something, there’s this really positive attitude of reassuring you that you can do things even if they’re complex or hard, and if you feel like you need help, they want to help and see you grow. If there’s any sort of task or group you want to dip your feet into but may not have the skills/knowledge for yet, they encourage you to try and learn and they care so much about your personal growth and professional development, even to the point of being like “even if you don’t stay with us forever, we want you to excel and meet your own goals and we want to give you all the tools we can for that”. I feel like I’ve never had a job where they cared so much about those things/made me feel like I matter in so many ways.
#by bug#positive#I’m going through a really challenging period w personal stuff but I will say#having a job I’m actively happy to go to in the morning helps me keep my head above water#idk if I’d be doing as well otherwise you know
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i love em but my family fucking sucks so bad.
#they're a great support network so long as i only need support in having a fun & good time#with any related stressors piled on me and not affecting them#if i need real help though#like tangible actual help#they're ill-equipped at best just plain unwilling at worst#i've spent 8 months asking for help on certain things and i've really just gotta face that the help is not there#it'll inconvenience them too much to help me keep my head above the water#so at this rate they're just gonna watch me slowly drown#i don't know how i'm going to do a lot of these things alone but uhhh i'll just have to find out#bc the support has! been! hollow!#adam talks too much
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probably not gonna be ok for a while lol but need to have at least one (1) place i can come to disconnect from things for a bit. i’ll try to respond to messages when i can ily all sm but my brain is just not in a state to be as receptive as i like to be when responding to ppl instead of just being lost in my own shit. but sending hugs to u lovelies and hope you’re well <3
#i’m like. physically ok#but rly heavy family shit is going down rn so like idk#i have therapy tmrw and hope that can help me come up w some sort of plan how to navigate this but#just know i’m not ignoring u bc of u#i’m just trying to keep my head above water rn and this is the like only place i can come to to just stop thinking about all this shit#even if just for a few minutes#any happy reminders/etc y’all might have would be extremely appreciated bc i genuinely don’t know how to cope w this ha 🥲#anyways#ty all for existing n being ur wonderful selves i cherish u all sm
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#keep my head above water#head above water#avril lavigne#Paintings#Paper Art#inspiration#art#artwork#artists on tumblr#paper cutout#paper art#papercraft#contemporary art#uob painting of the year#competition#helping hands#covid 19#save myself#save me#save my soul
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Absolutely wild to me that Steward filed for bankruptcy. You mean the for-profit healthcare system where the CEO JUST BOUGHT a $70 million yacht.. doesn't have the money to operate? They're billions in debt, and owe millions in unpaid compensation to their own employees and contractors. But they kept expanding? They claimed COVID was hurting them, but then they continued acquiring hospitals? They wouldn't submit their financial documents as required by the state (MA) of EVERY hospital because it would "hurt" their business since 2015.. up until about two months prior to filing. Like ?? Why is "for profit healthcare" even allowed to happen this shit is evil, and clearly it doesn't even work, because I'm pretty sure the last system that went under in my state (where my PCP at the time was located!) was ALSO for-profit.... It's almost like they don't care about anything but lining their own pockets and bailing when they run shit into the ground............ 🤔
#🪶.exe#This is why I can't read the news too often shit makes me mad#Like I'd love to know things! Unfortunately the world is a trash fire and every day I'm so anxious I could throw up WITHOUT the news#So adding that in makes it hard to operate! How am I supposed to concentrate on literally anything keeping me alive#When I'm bombarded with this shit constantly!! Like fuck I'm trying! But I'm having some issues keeping my own head above water#And I can't help anyone - not really - if I'm struggling already#Idk I need another fucking Ativan
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#one of my coworkers complained in our store’s gc about how we are already paid shit#we didn’t receive wage increases when they raised our service prices#& bc of the prices going up our tips have been suffering#she didn’t say this but we’ve also been slower than usual everywhere bc of the rising cost of living everywhere#so we genuinely aren’t getting paid the same prior to the price increase#but they’re now forcing us to take unpaid breaks even though this store is a slow store and we have a lot of down time#and taking unpaid breaks is going to descrease our paychecks which we get shit on those#and the fucking gm goes well thats just state law sweetie#she literally said sweetie and i’m like excuse me but this is not the time to be calling anyone sweetie#that is so fucking disheartening to be called sweetie in a labor complaint situatio#and my coworker goes literally show me where it says that and also the rest is true you know it’s true#and gm gets on a call w my coworker bc she’s not discussing this in a work gc#so i’m immediately texting my coworker like gm is full of shit on the law#bc in our state it’s not required for adults to take a break nor does the fed government require it#i already knew this from before but it was confirmed when i had a chapter on employee law this semester#and my coworker is fucking right we get paid shit for work that our owners cannot legally do bc they don’t have a hair license!!!#my paychecks have significantly decreased since the start of the year !!! i’m making a significant amount less than i had determined#when i stepped down!!!#i’m literally barely keeping my head above water!!! and it doesn’t help the stress in any aspect of my life!!!#but they don’t care!!! i’m 6 years into my chosen career and i’m not making shit!!! i’m barely making ends meet!!!!#if i didn’t live w my mom id be fucking homeless again like be so fucking for real rn#anyway my coworker is having a sit down w the gm and one of the owners tomorrow and we both know it’s not gonna change anything#coworker’s only regret is not doing it in the general chat so it would’ve been harder to ignore but at least she said something
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✨
#came off my ssri 2 months ago now and man the consequences of my actions still coming for me#i came off them more because it was like well im in a better place to manage myself now haha how time changes#and mostly bc them being tied in my prescription for adhd meds it was impossible to even get citalopram bc my script would get rejected#and i kept running out and having to ration my citalopram so its like fuck it just come off it then#all i wanted was to have emotions back and ever since all I’ve felt is the wide range of misery#i wanted joy and laughter and imagination back and all I’ve got is physical anxiety and misery#it doesnt help that I’ve just had an absolute fuck of a time with work#left my og job for a more specific job that could work for OT or Art psychotherapy but had to leave after a month#then i spent just shy of 3 months on unemployment doing my best to keep my head above water fighting benefits system#all to be in another assistant job feeling like an absolute idiot day to day the team is a huge clique and i don’t know whats going on#i spend all my off time sitting in dread about going back to work#and the worst part is i cant even just go back on citalopram because i cannot put on anymore weight#im bigger than a whale im bigger than a house im so fucking huge I’ve never been this huge and its so hard to lose weight#im in such a miserable headspace all i wanted was to just feel my happiness not being stunted anymore#and i don’t know the last time i felt a sustained amount of joy
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I’m gonna have a good writing day tomorrow I can feel it. Nothing quite like a dose of misery mid-week to get the creative juices flowing for the weekend.
#twh🌑#personal#I still need to do some serious editing and plot restructuring#and I’ll have to make big big cuts here soon#hopefully things I’ll be able to just move to book two#but right now I need to create#I’m simultaneously about to get into my favorite sections of the story#and also recently had some inspiration around a new plot point#that will help with character building and world building#and help me show rather than tell#and I’m excited to dive into it all tomorrow#i just have to keep my head above water today
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ugh.
#it just occurred to me#i remember not feeling prepared.#feeling overwhelmed and confused by the volume and severity of the issues presented to me#i feared not knowing what to say. not understanding what was going on. how to help with severe trauma#like i was drowning and could barely keep my head above the waters#and yet#one day that feeling stopped.#i forgot what it was like to feel blind to the levels of death i have been surrounded by since#i had no choice. i had to learn to tolerate it#i learned the right advice most of the time. but at what cost.#by throwing me into the gunfire until i figured out how to ignore the sting#how many times have i wrought this on another?#how has my extreme tolerance affected what i think people can handle and even have knowledge about?#how can i ever trust myself again to express anything at all?
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Update on the situation: I have a job lined up, provided I can pass some necessary testing for it. However, I won’t be starting said job until early January at the soonest. My work hours have dwindled into next to nothing despite picking up shifts wherever I can, and I’ve been completely unable to Doordash to make it up. Thanks to everyone that’s helped I’ll be able to make my car payment, phone, and insurance, but I need to renew my car’s registration by the start of January or I won’t be getting to work at all
I hate to have to do this but I’m not being scheduled at work at all as the winter hits, I am looking for a new job but I’m going to be surviving off of Doordash in the meantime - income I’ll mostly lose when the snow inevitably gets bad. I won’t be able to make my expenses and I’m really scared, on top of that I have three pets I need to feed, please help if you can. If you can’t help please share
p.aypal: @ bluestar3445
v.enmo: @ spiderwebbed
#i really really really appreciate everyone thats helped thus far. it is literally the only reason ive been able to keep my head above water#and care for my animals#it means everything to me rn
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A Confession from the Heart of Suffering: An Unbearable Reality
I hope you read my confession, and thank you. This is the reality of all the people of Gaza.
Whenever I think of the life we used to have before the genocide, I have to struggle to hold my tears so I don't cause my children more pain than what they already feel. Our life, then, was neither easy nor perfect but it was full of warmth and the simple joy of being together under one roof .
We have never felt completely free because we have always been under a siege that has only gotten worse during this war but at least we felt somewhat safe and we had quite a decent life with the means that we were allowed.What kept us going was our belief that the future might be brighter one day.
Unfortunately, there seems to be no better tomorrow for us anymore. Nothing remains of our previous lives but rubble and memories, and the future is so bleak and full of uncertainties.It's not just the walls of our house that were turned into ruins, it's our hopes and dreams that were reduced to ashes. Now, we only dream of things that might seem so trivial to other people around the world like being able to sleep in and wake up in a comfortable bed or having a meal without standing for it in line for hours.
We dream of having enough clean drinking water so we don't have to worry about dying of thirst. We dream of the days we had a home with a regular kitchen and stove, the days we could celebrate special occasions with family in peace. Above all, we dream of not losing the people we love in a split second and of living safely and with dignity.
Instead, we have been wrongfully sentenced to a life of fear, displacement, and humiliation beyond belief. It is a living nightmare here now. Everything needed to ensure the bare minimum of decency and normalcy is denied to us. As you well know, there is no safe place in Gaza anymore and We are deprived of simple rights like having having a roof over our heads or enjoying some peace of mind for even one single day. The airstrikes and the buzzing of drones almost never stop. We live with a very real sense of impending doom day and night.
The water and food scarcity are only getting worse with time. Even regular chores like cooking or doing the laundry have become true challenges. I cannot propely bathe my children because the little water we get is polluted and their sensitive baby skin keeps getting irritated.
Before the war, my nine- year-old daughter was so picky about which outfits to wear; it made me laugh that she acted that way at her age but now we don't even have enough warm clothes for the winter. It kills me each time she says she doesn't need fancy clothes anymore and only wants to feel warm and go back to school. What makes it worse is our tent has recently been flooded by rain.
The whole camp turned into a swamp overnight. The children woke up soaked, shivering and terrified. It was almost impossible to calm them down as the rain kept pouring. We are doing our best but even if we succeed in finding the treatment, it's going to cost almost a fortune. This is why we need your support even more now.
All we do now is fight for survival every day. I never imagined,even in my darkest nightmares, that I would be searching high and low to put food in my children's mouths and keep them warm or that I would be begging the world to literally save their lives but I have no other choice now.
Despite the unbearable suffering we're daily going through, I still believe in humanity. please keep us in your prayers and help us anyway you can. Donate if you're able to,reblog and share our story as widely as you can.We are grateful to each and every one of you
Vetted by @bilal-salah0
7,464$ / 10,000$
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Fun Sized
Dark!Fairy!Gojo Satoru x reader
Word Count: 2k
Synopsis: You save a tiny fairy. Gojo Satoru decides that you and him belong together, regardless of how little he is and how little you think of him.
(Warnings: Yandere, not many warnings in this one ngl)
The fae are a dangerous bunch. You've heard more than enough stories to be spooked. Sirens will sing beautiful songs before dragging you into the depths. Dragons will burn you to a crisp before a second's thought. Nagas would make sure you were alive until the very end as they feast on your organs. Centaurs would use their powerful legs to stomp yours to mere twigs. Driders would suck your blood until there's nothing left but a husk of your body.
You've never heard anything about fairies. They didn't live in your region. Their lands were high in the mountains, where humans rarely traveled. Also, they were so tiny, according to the books. The biggest seemed to be barely the size of your hand. They were harmless, you concluded. Harmless to humans. Harmless to you.
He had been harmless. At first, you thought it was a cluster of leaves in the stream, but as the current drew it closer, you noticed tiny arms and a tiny face. He was unconscious; you didn't even know if the poor thing was alive.
The Fae are a dangerous bunch, but saving one tiny fairy couldn't hurt, right?
Your guest quickly proved to be a bigger hassle than you initially thought.
When you brought him to your cottage, he laid in a basket of warm linen, asleep for hours near the warm fireplace. The blueberry pie was still hot when you turned around and caught him staring at you.
It was silent for a while, and then you said:
"Do you like sweets?"
That's how your tentative friendship with the other kind started. Gojo Satoru (you later learned his name) was a boisterous thing. He did in fact like sweets, which helped bribe his friendship. You're surprised that he ate so much despite his stature. Did all faires have black holes for stomachs?
He healed up rather quickly. At first, you were afraid that his wings had crumbled due to the prolonged exposure to water. But after stuffing himself full of the blueberry syrup, he smiled widely before flitting out your window.
You thought that would be the end of it, but then he just came coming back.
Apparently, your baking skills left an impact on the small creature. He didn't visit often, but when he did, you would always make sure you had something. Whether it be cookies, brownies, or that blueberry pie he was so fond of. Anything was good enough for Gojo's taste palette.
"In the fae lands," Gojo said when you prodded, "sweets are too sweet. Yours is just enough." You weren't too sure what he meant by that, but you took it as a compliment. You were sure the fae wasn't something who'd give praises so easily.
It's not like you were upset at providing food for your tiny friend. Quite the contrary. You loved it when Gojo visited. You found him fascinating, the way he could fly miles and miles above your head. How tiny he was. The amount of times you had to hold yourself back from squishing him between your fingers because of how cute he was scared you.
And you hoped you were fascinating enough to entertain Gojo. You had to be; you don't know why else he'd keep coming back. Even after gobbling down your cooking, he'd lounge around your home, entertaining you with his stories. You learned of the other magical creatures he was in contact with, the students he taught, and how fond he was of them. You don't know why he was so open about sharing his personal life with you, in the stories fae hated humanity, but you would never complain.
It doesn't click as to why Gojo's so invested in you until he comes out and says it himself.
"Instead of me coming back and forth like this, why don't you just come live with me?" He says, "I would cut down my flying time by a lot."
You stare at him in amusement, sure he's joking. "I'm not sure how I'd fit in your house." You tease. "I'd probably crush all your furniture."
"I can make my house bigger." He announces. "Don't worry 'bout it, just say yes."
You stare at him, slowly realizing that he isn't as amused. He's still smiling, but there's no joke.
"No," you finally say, "I'm not doing that."
He cocks his head surprised as though he's never had someone reject him before.
"What?" He asks, "Why not?"
"Well." You clear your throat. "For one, I'm human, and you're a fairie. I don't think Fae would appreciate a human wandering around in their lands."
"Who cares about all that?" Gojo waves his hands around. "You'll be with me, anyways. It'd be fine."
"I don't get why you're so fixated on the human realm." His mouth turns into a sneer. "It's all so boring. Nothing ever happens. And our magic is much more advanced than yours." It's true. You can't disagree with that. Satoru didn't wear clothes made out of leaves or vines, unlike the common fairy stereotype. His clothing looked much more advanced compared to your loose cotton dresses. A black shirt with intricate buttons and long sleeves. Along with black trousers. You wonder what material could make his suit so shiny.
You laugh at his disgust. At that time, you saw Gojo as a tiny child clutching their mother's skirts, a cute puppy. You hadn't yet taken Gojo Satoru as the threat he was.
"It's because I am human." You say, not offended by his remarks. "So I like being near other humans."
He groans as though your logic makes no sense. "Yuji and the others ask about you all the time, though. They've been dying to meet you."
"You talk to your students about the giant that cooks for you? I'm flattered."
"You're dodging," he warns. You roll your eyes.
"Satoru, I'm not coming to live with you. It'd be too much of a hassle." You finally say. "Besides, you're not my type."
"I'm everyone's type." He argues.
"Not mine." You smile, and then you make your first blunder.
"I like my men a little taller."
He stiffens, and you know you said the wrong thing. Your smile fades as does the cheery energy in your cottage. He says nothing, but he's zipping out your window before you can apologize.
He doesn't return for the longest time. You count the weeks. Guilt weighs on your shoulders, heavy and burdensome. Every day you bake something even tastier than the day before. Not even that is enough to coax him back.
You think you've lost him forever, when he returns on one sweltering summer evening.
"Hi." You blink. He's watching you, sitting idly on the window, kicking his tiny feet.
"Hi." He smiles.
You're happy enough to grab him with one fist and hugging him to your chest, but as always, you stop yourself. Instead, a shy smile rests on your face.
"I'm sorry," you say, "I really am...will you accept an apology pie?"
He grins wider, and you relax.
He eats, and you're grateful. Something you once cherished in your life has finally come back to you. You might not return Gojo's feelings, but you still care for him. You'd rather die than ever hurt him again.
"No, you're right." Gojo surprisingly concedes when you apologize for the third time. "We're too different. It'd never work out. Not as the way you are, right now."
You nod, grateful he's so understanding. "Exactly."
He's finishing up when he announces he brought you a gift.
"I've been working on it for the past few weeks," he cheerily says. "It took a while, but it's finally safe for human consumption."
He takes out a tiny glass bottle filled with something swirling and blue. When he asks you to bring a glass of water, you acquiesce. To your astonishment, when the elixer is poured, the entire water becomes a swirling mass of a color comparable to none other than galaxies. You're so mesmerized by the color, it's enough to stump your voice.
"For you!" He declares. "You've always been cooking for me; thought I might return the favor, just this once."
"What is it?" You ask, amazed by the color. You admire the glance, unaware of the glint in Gojo's eye.
"It's kinda like the wine you have in the mortal realms, but a little less poignant." He gives when you glance at him. "Go on, tell me what you think?"
You're too trusting, and so you make your second blunder.
Once you start, you can't seem to stop. The taste is otherworldly, addicting. You drink and drink, not wasting a single drop. You're breathing heavily once the cup detaches from your lips.
"Amazing." You say before looking at him. His eyes are too wide, but you're too distracted by the taste still on your tongue. "Seriously, what was that? Can I make it here?"
He scratches the back of his head. "Not really, the ingredients are pretty hard to find." He shrugs. "Besides, it's supposed to be a one-time use."
Your eyebrows twist, and then the world sinks.
You're falling. You think you are. You don't really know. Everything feels like it's stretching. The walls of your tiny little cottage get higher and higher and higher. The floor gets more and more warped. You're sinking, sinking through the air. When you scream, nothing comes out. You feel like you're choking because you can't breathe, and then your vision grows black.
The next time you open your eyes. It's still dark, and to your horror, you realize you're buried underneath something.
You panic, clawing and tearing your way out. The material gives away easily. It's fabric. Cotton. But there was so much, an undying ocean of fabric. You lift yourself up from the pile and that's when you realize you're completely naked.
The mountain of cotton you just climbed to the top of was your old dress.
Everything was gigantic—the table, the chairs. The windows seemed endless. The ceiling looked miles above you, and you know what happened, but your brain can't formulate it because it can't be—it just can't be.
There's a flutter of wings. You always thought he was so quiet before. Now, he's all you can hear. Immediately, you wrap your body with the cloth. It's hard to keep still; your body is buzzing with nerves and you still can't understand. You have to force yourself to look at him.
You don't know why you expected shock, guilt, something other than the pure manic glee on his face. Satoru towers above you, head tilted. He bends down, cupping your trembling face in his hand because he's big enough to do that now.
"Just when I thought you couldn't get any more adorable." He coos.
You can see him now. His skin isn't pale, it's borderline translucent. His canines are sharp and pointy. And his eyes. Oh God you've never seen eyes so terrifying before—an endless mass of blue, threatening to swallow you whole.
He wasn't a cute little fairy. He was anything but that.
"Gojo..." You start, heart squeezing. "What did you do.."
You know. He knows. That's why he ignores your question entirely.
"I'm surprised it worked." He says, mainly talking to himself. "Shoko said it might be a dud, and she was so sure of it, that I mostly believed her."
"But now look at you!" He roughly pinches your cheek. "You're the perfect size now."
"Stop." You blubber, pushing his hand off of you. "Don't touch me. Change me back. Change me back."
He frowns. "Why would I do that? You being human-sized was always such a hassle. Lumbering around. Way too loud. Don't get me wrong, I adore you either way." He proclaims like it's something benevolent. "But this has its charm."
He leans forward, and you scuddle backward in fear. His grin widens.
"So, am I tall enough for you, now?"
#yandere#yandere jjk#dark jjk#dark gojo satoru#dark content#yandere gojo satoru#x reader#yandere x reader#yandere jjk x reader#yandere jujutsu kaisen#yandere jujutsu kaisen x reader#yandere scenarios#short king gojo#he doesnt take that too well tho
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Hey, can you write about landos gf breaking her arm and him taking care of her? like having to help her change and shower, doing her hair und stuff line that? thank you <3
In his care - LN4
*:・゚ Summary/request: request by anon as you can read above this!
*:・゚ Word count: 1562
masterlist / community / request
౨ৎ
Lando Norris had always been the playful, light-hearted boyfriend, the type to tease and make you laugh until your stomach hurt. But after three years together, there was a depth to your relationship that went beyond just the banter and the fun. He’d become your best friend, your confidant, and now, your caretaker.
You hadn’t expected to be in this position—broken arm in a sling, unable to do even the most basic things without help. It was a stupid accident, really. A slip, a fall, and now you were stuck in this uncomfortable, frustrating situation. But as it turned out, Lando was more than up for the challenge of taking care of you. In fact, he seemed to enjoy it.
-
The first real test came on day one, when it was time for you to shower. Lando, always the playful one, had teased you when he realized you’d need help.
“So, I get to see you naked... and it’s for ‘medical reasons’? Lucky me,” he said with a wink, earning him an eye-roll from you.
“Lando,” you groaned, cheeks flushing. “This isn’t exactly a fun situation, you know.”
But even as you complained, you couldn’t help but laugh. He had a way of lightening even the most awkward moments. His teasing helped take your mind off the discomfort and frustration of not being able to do things on your own. Lando knew when to joke, and when to be serious.
“I’m kidding, love,” he said, his tone softening as he walked over to you. “I’ve got you, okay?”
And he did. Gently, he helped you undress, his fingers careful around your arm. There was something about the way he moved���confident yet delicate—that made you feel safe. Vulnerable, yes, but never embarrassed. He was Lando, your Lando, and there was no one else you trusted more.
Once you were under the warm spray of water, he joined you, shampooing your hair, his fingers massaging your scalp. It was a strange, intimate experience, but not in a way that made you feel uncomfortable. In fact, it was sweet.
“Maybe I should do this for you more often,” he murmured, lips close to your ear.
“You think I’ll let you wash my hair when I’m fully capable?” you shot back, a smile tugging at your lips.
He chuckled, his breath warm on your neck. “You never know, you might like the service.”
But as much as he teased, there was genuine care in the way he handled you. He washed every inch of your body with the gentleness you never knew he had. You leaned into him, resting your head on his chest for a moment, feeling his steady heartbeat beneath your ear.
“Thank you,” you whispered.
“For what?” he asked softly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.
“For being... you.”
-
You never realized how hard it was to do something as simple as put your hair in a ponytail with one hand. By the third day, you were ready to give up on the idea of leaving the house with your hair looking decent. But, of course, Lando wasn’t going to let that happen.
“Okay, I’m going to do it,” he said, determination in his voice as he picked up your hairbrush and an elastic.
You sat in front of him, trying to keep still while he struggled to gather your hair into something resembling a ponytail. The concentration on his face was adorable—his tongue poking out a little as he focused on the task at hand.
“Lando, it’s fine,” you said after the third attempt. “I can just wear it down.”
“No way,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m getting this right.”
It took another few tries, but eventually, he managed to pull your hair into a somewhat lopsided ponytail. He grinned proudly, admiring his work in the mirror behind you.
“Look at that! I’m a pro,” he said, obviously pleased with himself.
You laughed, reaching up with your good hand to touch the ponytail. It wasn’t perfect, but it was endearing in its imperfection.
“I love it,” you said sincerely.
He wrapped his arms around you from behind, resting his chin on your good shoulder. “Told you I’d take care of you.”
“You’re doing a great job, babe.”
-
As the days went on, Lando had to help you with more than just your hair. Getting dressed with one hand was a nightmare, and you hated having to rely on him for something so simple. But Lando, being the cheeky guy he was, turned it into something fun.
“Alright, love, what’ll it be today?” he asked, holding up two of your shirts. “Sexy red or casual blue?”
You gave him a pointed look. “I’m not trying to impress anyone, Lando.”
He smirked, his eyes twinkling mischievously. “You’re always impressing me, though.”
You rolled your eyes, but your heart fluttered at his words. He knew exactly how to make you feel special, even when you were at your most vulnerable.
“Blue,” you said with a sigh, and he grinned.
Helping you get dressed was, of course, another challenge. He was gentle but still fumbled a bit, trying not to hurt your arm as he guided it through the sleeve.
“Sorry, sorry!” he muttered as he accidentally tugged too hard on your sling.
You laughed through the discomfort. “You’re not great at this, huh?”
“Hey! I’m doing my best here,” he protested, but there was no real frustration in his voice. He was patient with you, and that was what mattered.
Once you were dressed, he stepped back to admire his work.
“Not bad, huh?” he said, a proud smile on his face.
“Not bad at all,” you agreed, and he leaned down to kiss you softly.
-
By the end of the week, you were starting to feel a little more like yourself, but the pain in your arm was still a constant reminder of your injury. Lando, ever the attentive boyfriend, noticed when you were getting frustrated or tired, and he was always there to offer comfort.
That evening, you were lying on the couch, scrolling mindlessly through your phone, when Lando plopped down beside you. Without a word, he pulled you into his arms, careful of your injured arm, and snuggled up close.
“You doing okay?” he asked, his voice soft in your ear.
“Yeah,” you sighed. “Just... tired of this.”
“I know,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to your temple. “But you’re doing great. And I’m here, okay? For as long as you need me.”
You smiled, leaning into him. His warmth, his presence—it was everything you needed. You didn’t have to ask for his help; he just gave it freely, without hesitation.
As you lay there together, his fingers absentmindedly drawing circles on your back, you realized how lucky you were. Not just because he was helping you through this injury, but because he was Lando. The man who loved you unconditionally, who saw you at your weakest and still made you feel strong.
“Love you,” you whispered, closing your eyes.
“Love you more,” he replied softly, and you could hear the smile in his voice.
And in that moment, broken arm and all, you felt more loved than ever.
-
As your arm started to heal, you began to regain some independence, but that didn’t stop Lando from taking every opportunity to tease you. He seemed to enjoy his new role as caretaker a little too much, and he never missed a chance to flirt.
One afternoon, you were sitting at the kitchen table, trying to cut up some fruit with your good hand. Lando walked in, immediately taking the knife from you.
“Let me help,” he said, leaning in close.
“I can do it,” you protested, though you didn’t exactly mind when he was this close to you.
He grinned, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “Yeah, but I do it better, don’t I?”
You rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t hide the smile that tugged at your lips. He knew exactly how to get under your skin, but in the best way.
As he cut up the fruit, he stole glances at you, his smile never fading. “You know,” he said casually, “taking care of you has been... kind of fun.”
“Oh, has it now?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah,” he said, sliding a piece of fruit toward you. “I mean, I get to spend all this extra time with you, take care of you, shower with you...”
“Lando!” you laughed, swatting at him with your good hand.
He chuckled, leaning down to kiss you. “I’m just saying, maybe I should be your personal nurse more often.”
“You’re ridiculous,” you said, but your heart swelled with love for him.
“I know,” he replied, his voice soft as he looked into your eyes. “But you love me for it.”
And he was right.
౨ৎ
*:・゚ Notes; thank you for reading, love’s! Hope you all enjoyed it! If there is something wrong or need to be edited, let me know! Also hey anon! If you read this, I hope that this is what you had in mind!
#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 x you#formula 1#formula one x reader#formula one x you#lando norris#lando norris fanfic#lando norris fluff#lando norris x reader#lando x y/n#lando norris imagine#lando x you#lando x reader#lando norris fic#lando imagine#lando norris x you#lando norris x y/n#f1 x female reader#f1 fluff#f1 x y/n#f1#f1 2024#formula one#formula racing#taking care#lando norizz#fanfic
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Black Widow
Toto Wolff x black widow!Reader
Summary: Lewis Hamilton and George Russell are convinced you’re trying to kill their team principal, and, to be fair, you do have a trail of seven dead extremely wealthy husbands behind you … but it’s not what they think, you promise
The soft beep of medical equipment provides a rhythmic backdrop as you sit beside the ornate mahogany bed, your manicured fingers intertwined with those of your latest husband, Reginald Worthington III.
At 89 years old, Reggie, as you affectionately call him, is by far your oldest conquest yet. His wrinkled face, now gaunt from months of illness, still manages a weak smile as he gazes at you.
“My darling,” Reggie wheezes, his voice barely above a whisper, “I hope you know how much joy you’ve brought to these final months of mine.”
You lean in, your silky hair cascading over your shoulder as you press a gentle kiss to his forehead. “Oh, Reggie. The pleasure has been all mine.”
It’s not entirely a lie. While you don’t love Reggie — or any of your previous husbands, for that matter — you’ve grown fond of the old codger. He’s certainly been the most amusing of your elderly spouses.
Reggie’s eyes twinkle with mischief, a ghost of the rakish playboy he must have been in his youth. “Now, now, my dear. We both know this has been a mutually beneficial arrangement. But I do hope I’ve provided some entertainment along the way.”
You can’t help but chuckle. “You’ve been a delight, darling. Truly.”
As if on cue, Reggie is seized by a coughing fit. You quickly grab a glass of water from the bedside table, helping him take small sips until the spasms subside. When he catches his breath, he fixes you with a serious look.
“Y/N, there’s something I need to tell you. About the will.”
Your heart skips a beat, but you keep your face carefully neutral. “Reggie, please. We don’t need to discuss such morbid topics.”
He waves a dismissive hand. “Nonsense. We both know why you’re here, and it’s not to admire the wallpaper. Now listen, because this is important.”
You lean in closer, curiosity piqued despite yourself.
Reggie’s voice drops to a conspiratorial whisper. “In addition to the usual — the houses, the cars, the offshore accounts — I’m leaving you my stake in the Mercedes Formula 1 team.”
Your eyes widen in genuine surprise. “The racing team? Reggie, I had no idea you were involved with-”
He cuts you off with a wheezy laugh. “Oh, my dear. There’s so much you don’t know about me. Did you think I made my fortune selling denture cream?”
You can’t help but smile. “Well, I did wonder about all those trophies in your study.”
“Remnants of a misspent youth,” Reggie says with a wistful sigh. “But this, this is my crowning achievement. A 33% stake in one of the most successful F1 teams in history.”
Your mind reels at the implications. This is far beyond anything you’d anticipated when you’d set your sights on Reginald Worthington III.
“Reggie, I ... I don’t know what to say.”
He pats your hand affectionately. “You don’t have to say anything, my dear. Just promise me you’ll make the most of it. I’ve always admired your ambition. It reminds me of myself at your age.”
You lean back in your chair, studying the old man before you. In that moment, you feel a surge of genuine affection for him.
“I promise, Reggie. I’ll make you proud.”
He nods, satisfied. “Good. Now, tell me about the others. I want to know how I measure up to my predecessors.”
You laugh, shaking your head in amazement. “Are you sure? It’s quite a list.”
Reggie’s eyes sparkle with interest. “My dear, I’m on my deathbed. Regale me with tales of your conquests.”
With a theatrical sigh, you begin. “Well, if you insist. Let’s see ... first, there was Harold.”
“Ah, the virgin husband,” Reggie interrupts with a knowing nod.
You raise an eyebrow. “And how did you know that?”
He winks. “I have my sources. Go on.”
“Right. Well, Harold was a sweet man. A bit naive, perhaps, but genuinely kind. He left me his tech startup. It wasn’t worth much at the time, but I sold it for a tidy sum a year later.”
Reggie nods approvingly. “Smart move. Who was next?”
“After Harold came George. He was ... intense. A retired army general with a penchant for war stories and expensive scotch. Left me his collection of rare military memorabilia.”
“Fascinating,” Reggie murmurs. “And the others?”
You tick them off on your fingers. “Let’s see ... there was Joaquin, the passionate Spanish chef. He left me his Michelin-starred restaurants. Then came Dmitri, the Russian oligarch. That was ... an experience.”
Reggie chuckles. “I bet it was. What did he leave you?”
“A series of shell companies and a rather gaudy yacht. I sold the yacht, kept the companies.” You pause, lost in thought for a moment. “After Dmitri was William, the British lord. Lovely man, terrible teeth. Left me his crumbling estate and title.”
“So you’re technically a lady now?” Reggie asks, amused.
You nod. “Lady Y/N, at your service. Though I don’t use the title much. It tends to raise questions.”
“Understandable. And the last one before me?”
Your expression softens slightly. “Ah, that was Hiroshi. Japanese tech mogul. Brilliant mind, but so lonely. I think I was the first real companionship he’d had in years.”
Reggie studies you carefully. “You were fond of him.”
You nod, a bit surprised by the lump in your throat. “I was. He ... he understood me, I think. More than the others.”
There’s a moment of silence as Reggie processes this information. Finally, he speaks. “And what did Hiroshi leave you?”
You smile wryly. “His AI research company. It’s been ... interesting, to say the least.”
Reggie nods slowly. “Quite a collection you’ve amassed, my dear. But tell me, what drives you? Surely it’s not just the money.”
You’re taken aback by the question. No one has ever asked you that before. You take a moment to gather your thoughts.
“I suppose ... it’s the challenge of it all. The thrill of reinventing myself with each new husband, of navigating these complex worlds they inhabit. And yes, the wealth is nice, but it’s more about what I can do with it.”
Reggie leans forward, intrigued. “And what is it you want to do?”
You pause, realizing you’ve never really articulated this to anyone before. “I want to make a difference. Real, lasting change. These men, they’ve all built empires in their own ways, but they’ve been limited by their own mortality. I don’t have those limitations yet. I can take what they’ve given me and create something ... more.”
Reggie’s eyes light up with understanding. “Ah, now I see why I was drawn to you. You’re not just a pretty face or a clever mind. You’re a visionary.”
You feel a flush of pride at his words. “I try to be. Each husband has taught me something new, given me tools I never had before. Harold showed me the potential of technology. George taught me strategy. Joaquin, the importance of passion in one’s work. Dmitri, how to navigate the murky waters of international business. William gave me a glimpse into old-world power structures. And Hiroshi ... well, he opened my eyes to the future.”
Reggie nods slowly. “And what have I taught you, I wonder?”
You smile softly. “Patience, Reggie. The long game. And the value of a good sense of humor in the face of adversity.”
He chuckles weakly. “Well, I’m glad I could contribute something to your education. Now, about this F1 team ...”
You lean in, eager to hear more. “Yes?”
“It’s more than just a racing team, you know. It’s a pinnacle of engineering, a testament to human ingenuity and the constant push for improvement. I think you’ll find it fits quite well with your ambitions.”
You nod slowly, mind already racing with possibilities. “I can see that. The technology, the global platform, the prestige ...”
Reggie grins. “Exactly. And who knows? Maybe you’ll find husband number eight in the paddock.”
You laugh, shaking your head. “Oh, Reggie. Always thinking ahead, aren’t you?”
He winks. “Someone has to. Now, promise me one thing.”
“Anything,” you say, and you’re surprised to find you mean it.
“When you’re accepting that championship trophy — because I know you will — wear something fabulous. Give those stuffy old men in the paddock something to talk about.”
You can’t help but grin. “Oh, don’t worry. I intend to shake things up a bit.”
Reggie nods approvingly. “That’s my girl. Now, I think I need to rest for a bit. But don’t go far. I want to hear all about your plans for world domination when I wake up.”
As you watch Reggie drift off to sleep, you can’t help but feel a mix of emotions. Sadness at the impending loss of this charming old rogue, excitement at the unexpected opportunity he’s given you, and a renewed sense of purpose.
You glance at your reflection in the ornate mirror across the room. Lady Y/N Y/L/N, soon-to-be racing magnate. It has a nice ring to it.
As you settle back into your chair, you begin to plan your next moves. The motorsport world won’t know what hit it.
***
The sleek boardroom of the Mercedes-AMG Petronas F1 Team headquarters buzzes with hushed conversation. Around the polished mahogany table, team executives and board members huddle in small groups, their voices low and urgent.
Toto catches snippets of conversation as he reviews his notes for the meeting.
“Did you hear? She’s actually coming today,” whispers Bradley, the team’s financial officer.
Sarah, head of marketing, leans in. “I can’t believe Reginald left her his stake. What was he thinking?”
“Probably wasn’t thinking with his head, if you know what I mean,” chuckles Thomas, the technical director.
Toto clears his throat, silencing the gossip. “Let’s keep things professional, shall we? We have important matters to discuss today.”
As if on cue, the boardroom door swings open. The room falls into an immediate, almost eerie silence as you stride in, turning heads with every click of your Manolo Blahnik heels against the polished floor.
Toto finds himself holding his breath, caught off guard by your presence. He’s seen photos, of course, but they didn’t do you justice. Your tailored Armani suit exudes power and confidence, while your eyes scan the room with a shrewd intelligence that sends a shiver down his spine.
You take your seat at the far end of the table, directly opposite Toto. “Good morning, everyone. I hope I’m not late.”
Your voice, smooth as silk with a hint of amusement, breaks the spell. The room erupts into a flurry of awkward greetings and nervous coughs.
Toto clears his throat again, trying to regain control of the situation. “Not at all. We were just about to begin. Welcome, Lady Worthington. We’re honored to have you join us today.”
You smile, a dazzling display that doesn’t quite reach your eyes. “Please, call me Y/N. We’re all colleagues here, after all.”
Toto nods, fighting to keep his composure. “Of course, Y/N. Shall we begin with the agenda?”
As the meeting progresses, Toto finds himself increasingly distracted. He’s used to being the most commanding presence in any room, but your arrival has shifted the dynamic entirely. Every time you speak, offering insights or asking pointed questions, the rest of the board seems to hold its breath.
“I’ve been reviewing our sustainability initiatives,” you say during a lull in the conversation. “While I applaud our efforts so far, I believe we could be doing more. Formula 1 has an unique platform to drive innovation in green technologies. We should be leading the charge, not just following along.”
Bradley shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “With all due respect, Lady- I mean, Y/N, implementing new sustainability measures could be quite costly. We need to consider the bottom line.”
You lean forward, fixing Bradley with an intense gaze. “And what about the cost of falling behind? Of being seen as out of touch with the concerns of younger fans? Sometimes, you have to spend money to make money.”
Toto finds himself nodding in agreement before he even realizes it. “Y/N raises an excellent point. Perhaps we should form a task force to explore more aggressive sustainability options.”
You flash him a grateful smile, and Toto feels his heart skip a beat. He quickly looks down at his notes, trying to regain his composure.
As the meeting continues, you consistently challenge the status quo, pushing for bolder strategies and innovative approaches. Toto watches in fascination as you deftly navigate the complex dynamics of the board, alternating between charm and steel as the situation demands.
During a discussion about driver development, you interject again. “I’ve been looking into our junior driver program, and I think we’re missing opportunities. We’re too focused on traditional racing backgrounds. What about sim racers? Or scouting karters from developing countries? We could be tapping into a whole new pool of talent.”
Sarah, the marketing head, perks up at this. “That’s ... actually a brilliant idea. It could really broaden our appeal, especially in emerging markets.”
You nod appreciatively. “Exactly. And imagine the stories we could tell. The sim racer who became an F1 champion or the kid from a small village who rose to the top of motorsport. That’s the kind of narrative that builds brand loyalty and inspires the next generation of fans.”
Toto finds himself leaning forward, completely engrossed. “I love this direction. Y/N, would you be willing to work with Sarah to develop a proposal for expanding our driver search?”
“Of course,” you reply with a smile that makes Toto’s pulse quicken. “I’d be delighted.”
As the meeting winds down, Toto realizes that the entire dynamic of the board has shifted. The initial wariness towards you has given way to a mixture of respect and curiosity. Even those who seemed most skeptical at the start are now hanging on your every word.
“Well,” Toto says, glancing at his watch, “I think that concludes our agenda for today. Unless anyone has any other matters to discuss?”
The room is silent for a moment before you speak up. “Actually, if I may, I’d like to address the elephant in the room.”
A tense hush falls over the gathering. Toto holds his breath, unsure of what’s coming next.
You stand, your posture relaxed but commanding. “I’m aware of the rumors and speculation surrounding my ... personal life. I want to assure all of you that my presence here is purely professional. I’m not here to cause drama or upheaval. I’m here because I believe in the potential of this team and this sport. I hope that over time, you’ll come to judge me based on my contributions, not on gossip or hearsay.”
The sincerity in your voice is palpable, and Toto can see the effect it has on the room. Shoulders relax, expressions soften. There’s a collective exhale, as if a weight has been lifted.
“Thank you for your honesty,” Toto says, standing as well. “I think I speak for everyone when I say we look forward to working with you and seeing what fresh perspectives you can bring to the team.”
There’s a murmur of agreement around the table. As the meeting officially adjourns, people begin to gather their things and file out of the room. Toto notices that several board members linger, clearly hoping to have a word with you. He feels an unexpected twinge of jealousy.
Before he can second-guess himself, Toto makes his way around the table to where you’re chatting with Sarah about the junior driver program idea.
“Excuse me,” he says, feeling uncharacteristically nervous. “Y/N, I was wondering if I could have a word?”
You turn to him with a smile that makes his heart race. “Of course. What can I do for you?”
He takes a deep breath, acutely aware of the curious glances from the remaining board members. “I was impressed by your insights today. I think there’s a lot we could discuss further about the future direction of the team. Would you perhaps be interested in continuing this conversation over dinner?”
A hush falls over the remaining occupants of the room. Toto can practically feel the weight of their stares, but he keeps his eyes fixed on you.
You raise an eyebrow, a mix of surprise and amusement playing across your features. “Dinner? My, my, Toto. Aren’t you afraid of me? I do have quite the reputation, you know.”
There’s a challenge in your voice, but also a hint of vulnerability that catches Toto off guard. He realizes that beneath your confident exterior, you’re testing him, gauging his true intentions.
Toto meets your gaze steadily, his voice low but firm. “I don’t put much stock in rumors. I prefer to form my own opinions based on what I see and experience. And what I’ve seen today is a brilliant, passionate individual who could be a tremendous asset to this team. That’s the person I’m interested in getting to know better.”
The room seems to hold its breath, waiting for your response. You study Toto for a long moment, your expression unreadable. Then, slowly, a genuine smile spreads across your face.
“Well, in that case, I’d be delighted to have dinner with you. Shall we say eight o’clock?”
Toto feels a rush of relief and excitement. “Eight o’clock sounds perfect. I know just the place.”
As you gather your things and prepare to leave, Toto can’t help but feel like he’s standing on the precipice of something monumental. He’s built his career on calculated risks, on seeing potential where others see danger. Looking at you, he knows that this might be the biggest gamble of his life.
But as you turn to give him one last smile before exiting the boardroom, Toto is certain of one thing: it’s a risk he’s more than willing to take.
***
The Monaco Grand Prix paddock buzzes with excitement, a hive of activity as teams prepare for the most glamorous race on the Formula 1 calendar. Lewis Hamilton and George Russell huddle in a quiet corner of the Mercedes garage, their voices low and urgent.
“I’m telling you, mate, something’s not right,” George insists, his eyes darting around to ensure they’re not overheard. “Have you seen the way Toto’s been acting lately? It’s like he’s under some kind of spell.”
Lewis nods grimly, his usual pre-race focus replaced by concern. “I know what you mean. Ever since she came into the picture, it’s like he’s a different person. Always distracted, making decisions that don’t quite add up.”
“Exactly!” George exclaims, then quickly lowers his voice again. “And have you noticed how she’s always around now? At every meeting, every strategy session. It’s like she’s trying to learn all our secrets.”
Lewis furrows his brow, deep in thought. “You don’t think ... I mean, surely she wouldn’t actually try to ...”
“Kill him?” George finishes, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t know, mate. But look at her track record. Seven husbands, all dead within months of marrying her. And now she’s got her claws into Toto.”
As if summoned by their conversation, you appear at the entrance of the garage, Toto at your side. The team principal’s hand rests comfortably on the small of your back as he leads you through the bustling workspace.
Lewis and George fall silent, watching intently as you make your way towards them. Your designer sundress and oversized sunglasses scream understated elegance, but to the two drivers, you might as well be wearing a black widow’s web.
“Good morning,” Toto calls out cheerfully. “Ready for qualifying?”
Lewis forces a smile, his eyes never leaving you. “Morning, Toto. Yeah, we were just discussing strategy.”
You step forward, flashing a dazzling smile. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything important. I’m still learning all the intricacies of race weekends.”
George clears his throat, trying to keep his voice steady. “Not at all. We were just finishing up.”
Toto beams, looking from you to his drivers with pride. “Isn’t it wonderful having Y/N here? She’s already brought so many fresh ideas to the team. I don’t know how we managed without her.”
You laugh, a sound that sends chills down Lewis and George’s spines. “Oh, darling, you’re exaggerating. I’m sure these boys were doing just fine before I came along.”
As you speak, your hand reaches up to smooth Toto’s collar, a gesture that seems innocent enough but makes both drivers tense.
Lewis clears his throat. “Actually, Toto, could we have a quick word? About the, uh, tire strategy?”
Toto looks surprised but nods. “Of course. Y/N, would you mind giving us a moment?”
“Not at all,” you reply smoothly. “I’ll just go chat with the mechanics. I’m fascinated by all this technology.”
As you saunter away, Lewis and George exchange a meaningful glance. This is their chance.
“Toto,” Lewis begins, choosing his words carefully. “We’re a bit concerned. About you, actually.”
Toto’s brow furrows in confusion. “Concerned? What do you mean?”
George jumps in, his words tumbling out in a rush. “It’s just that ... well, things have been different since you started seeing her. And given her history ...”
“Her history?” Toto repeats, his voice taking on an edge. “What exactly are you implying?”
Lewis takes a deep breath. “Toto, we care about you. And we can’t help but notice that Y/N’s previous partners have all met with ... unfortunate ends.”
For a moment, Toto just stares at them, his expression unreadable. Then, to their surprise, he bursts out laughing.
“Oh, boys,” he chuckles, shaking his head. “I appreciate your concern, truly. But I assure you, it’s misplaced. Y/N has been nothing but a positive influence on both me and the team.”
George persists, his voice urgent. “But Toto, you have to admit, the pattern is alarming. Seven husbands, all dead within months of marriage. And now she’s here, learning all about our team, our strategies ...”
Toto’s amusement fades, replaced by a stern look. “That’s enough. I understand you’re worried, but I won’t have you spreading baseless rumors. Y/N is here because she’s a part-owner of this team and because I invited her. End of discussion.”
As Toto walks away, Lewis and George share a look of dismay.
“He’s in too deep,” Lewis mutters. “We need to do something.”
George nods grimly. “We can’t let her hurt him. Or the team. We need a plan.”
Throughout the day, as qualifying unfolds, Lewis and George find themselves constantly distracted. Every time they catch a glimpse of you in the garage or on the pit wall, their imaginations run wild.
During a brief break between sessions, they overhear a snippet of conversation between you and one of the engineers.
“So, if something were to go wrong with the car during the race,” you’re saying, “what would be the most catastrophic point of failure?”
The engineer launches into a detailed explanation of various mechanical vulnerabilities, unaware of the horrified looks on the drivers’ faces.
“She’s gathering intel,” George whispers to Lewis. “Probably planning some sort of accident for Toto.”
Lewis nods, his jaw set with determination. “We need to warn him again. Make him see reason.”
But their attempts to get Toto alone prove futile. You seem to be constantly by his side, your hand on his arm, whispering in his ear. To an outsider, it might look like the actions of a loving girlfriend, but to Lewis and George, every gesture seems calculated and sinister.
As the day wears on, their paranoia grows. They start seeing threats everywhere. When you hand Toto a bottle of water, they’re convinced it’s poisoned. When you suggest he take a look at something in the back of the garage, they’re sure you’re luring him away to do him harm.
Finally, as the sun begins to set over the Monaco harbor, they decide they can’t wait any longer. They need to confront you directly.
They find you alone in the hospitality area, reviewing some papers. As they approach, you look up with a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes.
“Lewis, George,” you greet them warmly. “Excellent qualifying today. You must be pleased.”
Lewis takes a deep breath, steeling himself. “Cut the act. We know what you’re up to.”
Your expression doesn’t change, but something flickers in your eyes. “I’m not sure I understand. What exactly am I up to?”
George steps forward, his voice low and intense. “We know about your husbands. All seven of them. And we’re not going to let you add Toto to that list.”
For a moment, you just stare at them, your face unreadable. Then, to their surprise, you burst out laughing.
“Oh,” you chuckle, shaking your head. “Is that what this is all about? You think I’m here to kill Toto?”
Lewis and George exchange confused glances, thrown off by your reaction.
You lean in, your voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. “Let me tell you a little secret. Those men? They were all terminally ill when I married them. It was a business arrangement, pure and simple. They got to spend their last months with a young, beautiful wife, and I got their fortunes. No foul play involved.”
The drivers stare at you, speechless. You continue, your tone becoming more serious.
“As for Toto, well, that’s different. For the first time in my life, I’ve found someone I genuinely care for. Someone who sees me for who I am, not just what I can offer. I’m not here to hurt him or the team. I’m here because I want to be part of something meaningful.”
Lewis and George exchange uncertain glances, their convictions shaken.
“But ... all the questions about the car, the team strategies ...” George begins.
You roll your eyes, a hint of amusement in your voice. “I’m a part-owner of this team now, remember? Of course I’m trying to learn everything I can. How else can I contribute?”
As the truth of your words sinks in, Lewis and George begin to feel a creeping sense of embarrassment. They’ve let their imaginations and preconceptions run wild, seeing threats where there were none.
“I ... we ...” Lewis stammers, struggling to find the right words.
You hold up a hand, stopping him. “It’s alright. I understand. My reputation precedes me, and you were just looking out for Toto. I can respect that.”
George rubs the back of his neck, sheepish. “We may have gotten a bit carried away. I’m sorry.”
You smile, and this time it reaches your eyes. “Apology accepted. Now, what do you say we put this behind us and focus on winning tomorrow’s race?”
As if on cue, Toto appears, looking between the three of you with curiosity. “Everything alright here?”
You stand, moving to his side and slipping your arm through his. “Everything’s perfect, darling. In fact, I think Lewis and George were just about to share some ideas they had for the race strategy. Weren’t you, boys?”
Lewis and George nod, grateful for the out you’ve given them. As they launch into a discussion about tire management and overtaking opportunities, they can’t help but marvel at how wrong they’ve been.
Watching you interact with Toto, they see not a black widow spinning her web, but a woman genuinely in love, bringing out the best in their team principal. They realize that sometimes, people can surprise you. And sometimes, the most unexpected additions to a team can be the most valuable.
***
The soft glow of chandeliers bathes the exclusive Monégasque restaurant in warm light, casting elegant shadows across the faces of Monaco’s elite. Grigori Volkov, a grizzled veteran of the Russian underworld, sips his vodka, his weathered face a mask of careful neutrality as he surveys the room.
His eyes narrow as they land on a familiar figure across the crowded dining area. It can’t be, he thinks, leaning forward for a better look. But there’s no mistaking that face, those eyes that have haunted his dreams and nightmares for years.
You.
Grigori watches as you laugh, your hand resting lightly on the arm of a tall, distinguished-looking man. He recognizes him vaguely. But what catches Grigori off guard is the easy intimacy between you, the matching wedding bands glinting in the low light.
For a moment, Grigori considers slipping out unnoticed. But curiosity gets the better of him. He signals the waiter, ordering another round of drinks to be sent to your table.
As the waiter approaches with the drinks, Grigori sees your posture stiffen slightly, your eyes scanning the room until they lock onto his. He raises his glass in a small salute, a wry smile playing at the corners of his mouth.
You lean in, whispering something to Toto. The man looks surprised but nods, and together you make your way towards Grigori’s table.
“Grigori,” you greet him, your voice a mix of warmth and wariness. “It’s been a long time.”
Grigori stands, bowing slightly. “Indeed it has, my dear. You’re looking well. And who might this be?”
Toto extends his hand, his grip firm. “Toto Wolff. And you are?”
“An old friend of your wife’s,” Grigori replies smoothly, noting the flicker of surprise in Toto’s eyes at the word ’wife’. “Grigori Volkov. I knew Y/N back in her Russian days.”
You gesture to the empty chairs. “May we join you?”
Grigori nods, waving expansively. “Please, be my guests.”
As you settle in, Grigori can’t help but study Toto more closely. He’s younger than expected, vital and alert. Not at all what he’d imagined for your latest conquest.
“So, Toto,” Grigori begins, his accent thick with amusement, “how long have you and our dear Y/N been married?”
Toto smiles, his hand finding yours on the table. “Just over two years now. Best decision I ever made.”
Grigori’s eyebrows shoot up. “Two years? My, my. That’s quite impressive.”
You shoot him a warning look, but Toto just looks confused. “I’m not sure I follow. Why is that impressive?”
Grigori chuckles, taking a long sip of his vodka. “Oh, forgive me. I just meant that Y/N here has always been something of a ... how do you say ... free spirit? Never one to be tied down for long.”
You interject quickly, “People change, Grigori. I’ve found what I was looking for.”
Grigori nods, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “Indeed they do. And what of your ... other interests? The ones you inherited from dear Dmitri?”
Toto’s brow furrows. “Dmitri? I’m afraid I don’t know much about Y/N’s ex-husbands.”
“Ex-husbands?” Grigori repeats, feigning surprise. “Oh, but Dmitri was special, wasn’t he? After all, not every day one inherits a slice of the Bratva.”
The color drains from Toto’s face as he turns to you. “The Bratva? As in, the Russian mob?”
You sigh, shooting Grigori a glare that could freeze vodka. “It’s complicated, darling. And very much in the past.”
Grigori leans back, thoroughly enjoying the drama unfolding before him. “Oh, come now, Y/N. Surely your husband deserves to know the truth? About your colorful past, your string of deceased husbands, your unexpected rise to power in certain ... shall we say, unofficial circles?”
Toto looks between you and Grigori, his expression a mix of confusion and growing concern. “Y/N, what is he talking about?”
You take a deep breath, squeezing Toto’s hand. “Toto, there are parts of my past I haven’t told you about. Not because I wanted to keep secrets, but because I wanted to leave that life behind.”
Grigori interjects, his voice dripping with false sympathy. “Oh, but my dear, can one ever truly leave such a life behind? Especially when one has risen to such ... prominent positions?”
Toto’s eyes narrow as he looks at Grigori. “And what exactly is your role in all this?”
Grigori smiles, all teeth and no warmth. “Let’s just say I’m an old associate of Dmitri’s. And by extension, of Y/N’s. Though I must admit, I’m surprised to see you still among the living, Mr. Wolff. Our dear Y/N has quite a reputation, you know.”
You slam your hand on the table, your voice low and dangerous. “Enough, Grigori. That’s not who I am anymore.”
Grigori holds up his hands in mock surrender. “Of course, of course. I meant no offense. I’m merely ... surprised. After all, your previous husbands weren’t quite so fortunate. Or so young and vigorous.”
Toto’s jaw clenches, his eyes darting between you and Grigori. “I think it’s time we left.”
As you stand to leave, Grigori calls out, “Oh, but we’ve only just begun to catch up. There’s so much your husband doesn’t know, Y/N. About the power you wield, the empire you inherited. Don’t you think he deserves to know the truth about the woman he married?”
You turn back, your eyes flashing with a mix of anger and something deeper, more dangerous. “The truth, Grigori, is that I left that life behind. I found something real, something worth living for. And if you or anyone else tries to drag me back into that world, you’ll regret it.”
Grigori leans forward, his voice dropping to a whisper. “Is that a threat, my dear?”
You smile, cold and sharp. “Consider it a friendly warning. From one old friend to another.”
As you and Toto walk away, Grigori can’t help but feel a shiver run down his spine. He’d forgotten, in the years since you’d left Russia, just how formidable you could be.
He watches as you and Toto have an intense, whispered conversation by the exit. To his surprise, instead of storming out, Toto nods, takes your hand, and leads you back to Grigori’s table.
“Mr. Volkov,” Toto says, his voice steady and controlled, “I think it’s time we had an honest conversation. About Y/N’s past, about your ... association, and about how we move forward from here.”
Grigori raises an eyebrow, impressed despite himself. “Well, well. It seems you’ve found yourself a man with a spine, Y/N. Very well, let’s talk.”
As the three of you settle back into your seats, Grigori can’t help but feel a grudging respect for Toto. Most men would have run for the hills by now, but here he is, ready to face the truth head-on.
“So,” Grigori begins, pouring fresh vodka for all of you, “where shall we start? With Dmitri? With the Bratva? Or perhaps with the mysterious deaths of Y/N’s previous husbands?”
Toto takes a sip of vodka, his eyes never leaving Grigori’s. “Let’s start with the truth. All of it.”
You sigh, your hand finding Toto’s under the table. “Alright. Dmitri was my fifth husband. He was a high-ranking member of the Bratva, and when he died, I inherited his position and his connections.”
Grigori nods approvingly. “She’s being modest. Y/N didn’t just inherit Dmitri’s position — she expanded it. Forged new alliances, eliminated rivals. She became a force to be reckoned with in our world.”
Toto looks at you, his expression unreadable. “And the other husbands?”
You meet his gaze steadily. “They were all older men, all terminally ill. It was a business arrangement. They got to spend their last months with a young wife, and I got their fortunes. No foul play, I swear.”
Grigori chuckles. “Oh, come now. There were rumors, whispers of poison, of accidents arranged just so ...”
You whirl on him, your eyes flashing. “Rumors started by people like you. People who couldn’t believe a woman could gain power without resorting to murder.”
Toto squeezes your hand, his voice gentle. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”
You turn back to him, your expression softening. “Because I wanted to leave it all behind. When I met you, I saw a chance at a real life, a real relationship. I didn’t want my past to taint that.”
Grigori watches this exchange with growing fascination. He’s never seen you like this — vulnerable, open, genuinely in love. It’s... unsettling.
“And now?” He asks, unable to keep the curiosity from his voice. “What becomes of your empire, Y/N? Your power? Your connections?”
You straighten, your voice firm. “I’ve been systematically dismantling it all. Using the resources to fund legitimate businesses, charitable foundations. I’m out. For good.”
Grigori leans back, genuinely surprised. “You’re serious, aren’t you? You’re really walking away from it all.”
Toto speaks up, his voice steady. “We’re building something new together. Something honest, something we can be proud of.”
Grigori studies them both for a long moment, then throws back the last of his vodka. “Well, I’ll be damned. You’ve actually done it. You’ve found a way out.”
You nod, a small smile playing at your lips. “I have. And I’d appreciate it if you’d spread the word. Y/N Wolff is retired. Permanently.”
Grigori stands, straightening his jacket. “Consider it done, my dear. But know this — there will always be those who remember who you were, what you were capable of. Be careful.”
As he turns to leave, Toto calls out, “Mr. Volkov?”
Grigori pauses, looking back. “Yes?”
Toto’s voice is calm, but there’s steel beneath the surface. “If anyone from Y/N’s past tries to cause trouble for us, they’ll have to deal with me. And I assure you, I can be just as formidable as my wife when necessary.”
Grigori studies Toto for a moment, then breaks into a broad grin. “I believe you, Mr. Wolff. I really do. Take care of her, won’t you? She’s one of a kind.”
As Grigori walks away, he can’t help but shake his head in amazement. You, the Black Widow of the Bratva, settled down and in love. Will wonders never cease?
He glances back one last time to see you and Toto deep in conversation, your hands intertwined on the table. There’s an openness to your expression that he’s never seen before, a vulnerability that speaks volumes.
For the first time in years, Grigori feels a twinge of envy. Not for your power or your wealth, but for the genuine connection you seem to have found. As he steps out into the cool Monaco night, he wonders if perhaps it’s time for him to consider a change of his own.
After all, if the infamous Y/N can find redemption and true love, maybe there’s hope for an old dog like him yet.
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