#help i love so much ffxiv charas ;;;; | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

noxtivagus · 1 year

Text

i've been using my priv twt a lot lately & i've been rambling sm abt ffxiv n other stuff but i think Soon i will get back to tumblr

2 notes · View notes

astrxealis · 26 days

Text

i am so used to my pinned post i kinda don't want to change the format but i want to

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#Like. i want it to be more ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 u get me?#it's too small/limiting for me rn ragggghhh ..... will change it soon ^_^ 💖#wow. hard to believe it's already june. 4-5ish months till i'm not a minor anymore and around 2 months till college #happy pride btw :3 Hm. i am still not out to my parents but i am vv comfortable now w who i am.#i know for sure i prefer short hair over long hair and hate when it gets past this certain length that i then need a haircut #and i've actually grown comfortable wearing dresses and skirts! which ngl has been there a bit since i watched hamilton #but only now ?? like. Yeah.#it's funny bcs when i had shorter hair than my short hair rn LMFAO it was shorter than i actually liked #but the perks were my friends telling me You Look Like A Guy Even More and some storeclerk calling me sir #but that was funny bcs i was w my twin. and ok we're identical but maybe not obvious at first bcs i wear glasses and they have slightly more #femme and long hair and her style is diff from mine. colorful or bright or maximalist vs minimalist or dark or max 3 tones same colorsalways #LMFAO. me & my twin r super comfy w each other so sometimes we make Jokes. uh. yeah. HELP?#if u get it than yaaaa B) o/ anyway yeah. also comfortable w small amts of makeup now!#if it looks natural enough i'm cool w it :3 i also like stylistic shit. but haven't tried that stuff yet <3 #i just hate makeup in general when it is too much that you don't look like yourself anymore... unless it's Cool #IDK HWO TO EXPLAIN. whatever it's not important. <3 #ouuughhh i love my new pompompurin stuffed toy... official from sanrio in japan hehehehehehhe #i like making it do stupid shit like eating my soup or mochi and i like using it to tell my mom stuff like #pompompurin thinks you suck (jokingly. i love my mom she knows how i am!)#so she says back pompomsometbinv tell your amo (owner?) she sucks more LMFAOOO #also. just. fhsbkfjd official merch... >___< we were supposed to head back to our hotelwtvr after gpinf to alihabara #akihabara** but while waiting to reload the card thing. i spotted the official yostar store and :)) YAY #so got a little standee. for arknights. 1 for me 1 for my twin but it's gachafied and the fucking. thing. is.#every chara u cld get was basically a fav of mine ESP. TEQUILA. HOLY FUCK. MY ABSOLUTE JOY SEEING HIM.#but the two we got... were both my my Twin's favs... who i also like but. they are Not my faves. :)#so apparently just in general my gacha luck really sucks.#even w the gbf pins. artemis managed to get BELIAL and then for me uhh. ok we got 1 for a surprise gift for a friend #they r not active on tumblr atm i think so shhh anyway so basically anyway. i cld have gotten sandalphon. or other ppl. and i got two charas #i DO like but... more are arti's favs than mine still..... haha. at least w the ffxiv coasters we had equal luck. Amazing luck.

0 notes

noxtivagus · 2 years

Text

NO THOUGHTS ONLY SHADOWBRINGERS HFALKDSJFASLKD

#🌙.rambles #[ ffxiv. ]#sorry my head is like . ffxiv. yes. empty. just ffxiv.#i love love love love themes w like. apocalypses? the world ending wtvr yk. HDLFKAJDLFKS.. SHADOWBRINGERS. IS. SO.#okay i cld ramble on n on about each of the expansions n they're all equally special to me but i want to ramble about shb rn #i started ffxiv during shadowbringers so the expansion is. yeah. YEAH 🥹#emet-selch.. he's srs my favorite antag ever. maybe hermes too if he counts idk but they're not necessarily cruel 'villains'#they're so human they're so goddamn human n it touches me so much i love them they own my heart #listening to ffxiv ost just gets me like this thank you soken thank you to the ffxiv team i love you guys so much thank you thank you #eulmore ost w. pain in pleasure & indulgence & masquerade. THE DEVELOPMENT FROM THE START OF THE GAME TO ENDGAME #IS SO GOOD. I LOVE IT. n then grr i love songs w yk the waltz yk or rlly just stuff like this so much it's just so pleasing to my ears #it sounds like heaven. n then. the scenarios it brings in my mind! i love fantasy worlds so much they mean so much to me #huh. realizing once more i rlly like a lot of charas that end up destroying the world one way or another. or wanted to or smth #sephiroth. lucilius. n yh emet-selch & hermes as i mentioned.#i cld ramble on so much abt emet-selch oh dear help me i'm still not over the 'angel of truth' thing n then. azemet T_T #azemet srs is like my otp. or uh. idk a lot of ff pairing r my otps #AZEMET. THE ANGST. hdfjasdlkf emet w azem n hyth hehe his friends r so. chaotic canonically. emet probably doesn't look the part w #idk bcs he looks so grumpy n old lol but he's rlly so kind at heart 🥺 i'm sorry i'm head over heels he's so ugly /lh i love him #ffxiv ost just has this. oh my god. it's so good. it fits so much w just every aspect in the whole game n i'm not exaggerating at all #when i say i know them all so well by heart. i could ramble for hours n days on each song in the whole game n what they mean to me #i love. ffxiv so much. the recurring themes n the way they tie stuff up together is just smth i've always loved nn #ffxiv's story was smth i looked for my whole life before finding out abt the game? idk the game rlly just means so much to me #one day. one day i'll create something of my own. smth like what ffxiv means to me but.. smth entirely my own.#goddamn i'm genuinely still very anxious n nervous abt the future. n like this year yh but. i'm even more excited.#i want to do a lot i. i want to reach out to tomorrow. i want to reach my dreams!!!! i'll reach. even further. forge ahead #help it's 1 am wnvr it's later into the night i usually end up rambling like this huh.#don't mine me i rlly just like writing n i talk to myself often 😭 i'm a bit tired for other stuff tonight but.#thinking of. stories or wtvr just refreshing my mind. i love ffxiv so much :<< all these stories mean so much to me..#yk what i'll just do more tmrrw i just want to take this time rn for myself #hdjfaklsdf i love music. n video games. n stories n idk just all of it just HDLFKAJSDLF.. i'm so in love w them all i just appreciate it sm

3 notes · View notes

noxtivagus · 2 years

Text

erichthonios final fantasy fourteen whwjdkgjshgksj

#🌙.rambles #[ ffxiv. ]#he....!#help i like so much ffxiv charas with uh #😭😭 the erics have daddy issues !#( aymeric ) is one of my favs too oh man #n in particular thancred n ryne is one of my fav dynamics in game #THE HEADPAT. WAHHH ;;;;;;#🥹 i saw a fanart of erichthonios #headpat .#I GOT SO SOFT UWAH HE'S SO CUTE SOBBING CRYING #technically doesn't alphinaud kind of have daddy issues too.......#emet n hermes r my other top fav charas n #they're just sad bois #n zero my beloved is #HER.... IM SO SMITTEN STILL I LOVE WOMEN LIKE HER #also gaia 🥺 n y'shtola .#help i love so much ffxiv charas ;;;;#but looking at my top favs n i see how they reflect on me #nah thinking abt my other fav charas as well n why do i like SAD CHARAS SO MUCH #noctis is pretty tragic. theres smth sad abt claude that's just. yeah. idk #mafuyu & kanade r pretty sad 💀 n. in gbf i wld say the lucis are kinda sad for me #oh n in ffxiv ! hermes ;w;; my bb boy please i have never longed more in my whole life to give a fictional character a huh #hug*#i. i like sad. huh.#help wait im gna delete the upcoming tags later #realizing once more that #distancing myself. being confusing both intentionally n unintentionally #i think i've developed those as responses and coping mechanisms #i don't necessarily mean to be 'silent' but i can lose myself in myself easily

4 notes · View notes

noxtivagus · 1 year

Text

head in hands thinking of hermes n ebenholz

#🌙.rambles #rereading question of life again a bunch today n. hermes.. searching for the answer to change in other stars.#my bro. my dear. beloved. i daresay the answer's been w you all along.. in a way #I FEEL. SO MUCH FOR HERMES. BCS HE FELT SO LONELY N DIFFERENT IN THE IMPERFECT SOCIETY OF ETHEIRYS #but bro if you're an aberration then fuck it i'll. be one too yk? you won't be alone #i haven't finished lingering echoes yet on yt or wtvr but #that freedom he rlly yearned for.. that touches me so much. i can't even begin to explain it oh my god #out of all my favs in ffxiv i probably talk abt hermes the most. in terms of his chara he's probably my fav #but alphi n emet-selch r equally as special as well i rlly don't have a fav in ffxiv 😭#in arknights. i rlly don't know much yet but with chara design there's mostima n lappland that definitely caught my eye the most #but. even w those two n others as well. ebenholz i think was the chara that i knew wld be my fav #n then help my mind has two definite like. IDK HOW TO SAY IT BUT i'm rlly thinking of both hermes n ebenholz at the same time #n. one of my ocs too. who srs just. helpp i project sm unto him he's probably like my no. 1 ideal type #ständchen & dead butterflies & no plan r the three songs i'll obsess over today it seems >.>#dead butterflies w the context n the. word choice the imagery the emotion in it :^) so special. so meaningful.#to me it. it's like a persisting emptiness. a sorrow that doesn't ever quite go away. fitting w the context of yk yeah i think #no plan! hozier! THE LYRICS R SO PERFECT MY MAN ILY #i rlly relate w the meaning behind the lyrics of the song <3 #n then ständchen T_T EBENHOLZ.. N THEN. YK THE MELODY FROM SCHUBERT #i love music so so much. n everything about music. the meaning behind it n what it means to me as well n. yeah. YEAH #wait. i'm still obsessed w doomsday :^) sobs n talk from hozier too.. n. running in the dark. yeah #doomsday.. dealing w loss. inevitability of mortality. talk w the flowery insincerity oh my god. n then.#running in the dark i can't even rlly say bcs the song is just. rlly means a lot to me personally T_T it's so comforting #once i learn more of arknights! i will certainly write what i think of it in a different light someday #i think. i can rlly emphatize w these song themselves. the meaning behind them n the context n #i'm also very aware of what it personally means to me n #that small certainty in smth that's rlly just so vastly uncertain brings me some ounce of comfort.#curiosity of the unknown gives me comfort too. i've never rlly been one to hide or run away from what i fear bcs i still find it interestin #i just. rlly love sm things in life. i'm rlly glad i can still hold unto this part of me despite the painful things as well #but i'm one that. i. have to appreciate life wholly. it gets overwhelming tho but i still strive to just be myself n what that means to me.

2 notes · View notes

noxtivagus · 2 years

Text

thinking about haurchefant hours (tales from the dragonsong war side stories) 🥺🤍

#🌙.rambles #[ ffxiv. ]#loml actually he's just the sweetest guy.#'thoughts unspoken' man wrote us letters that he never sent #i am so Weak for that. like imagine the drafts #haurchefant's one of the charas that's v obvious about his feelings for the wol in a way #he admires the wol so much.... he's so precious :')#he's a knight!!!! isn't that so charming #he never said these words. never managed to #'thoughts unspoken' THAT SENTIMENT MAKES ME SO EMOTIONAL #cries i will not say anymore on that bcs that is a very personal and intimate struggle of mine #BUT.#'I cannot deny that it filled my heart with joy to see you finally set foot in our fair city.' my beloved. this man.#^ would be me too when i finally have my friends go to ishgard for the first time hehe #he's so. he's so KINDDDD HAURCHEFANT IS SO UNCONDITIONALLY KIND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I WANT TO MARRY HIM #'I knew at once that I must do everything in my power to help you to preserve the dawn's light' sobs #'It was / to be frank / no easy thing for me.' i'm gna cry #you see. i have read this story many a time before but i still get emotional each. and. every. time.#love.... & then why he chose to be a knight :<#'And so I told him of the woman who had unexpectedly come into our lives' i'll cry #'whose very presence drove others to be better than themselves' i'm crying #'this cherished friend of mine / was a hero' N THE FOLLOWING STUFF TOO OH MY GOD THIS MAN OWNS MY HEART #HE NEVER GOT TO SAY THESE WORDS TO US.... I'M GNA CRY AGAIN #'But you will think me facetious. Pray then allow me to speak plain.' i am genuinely crying a lot right now he. he means so much to me #WHY CAN'T WE BE MORE THAN FRIENDS MF I HATE YOU HAURCHEFANT GREYSTONE #you see i am very much a romantic & i am weak to. personally i am weak for letters. that's one thing #he believes in us so much.... this stupid stupid letter #he promises he'll be there. i am so smitten. oh my god #snow night dawn promises smile trust dearest strive triumph journey swear. all these key words my man i am in love with you #the sun.... cries this is so much pain but i feel a lot better now wtf

2 notes · View notes

noxtivagus · 2 years

Text

IDENTITY CRISIS WOOOO

#🌙.rambles #ok i will move these to my spam account soon but wait quick rant. actually not fully rant just smth i find interesting to think about #since yk how we ourselves change somewhat. like. huh. everyone to an extent i think but as an empath i'm probably more susceptible to it #depending on the people we're with. the environment n all. we change a bit #like w each friend i just naturally end up matching their way of text n their mannerisms esp when i'm around them #while most of it is natural n all too it's one of my love languages >< i love the feeling of. yk having more similarity #personally for me it makes me feel more understood n connected #NO FUCKING WAYYYY WAIT. SOB. watching from apollo's laptop rn a bit of that one cutscene with emet-selch ffxiv n bestie #the way. the way he looks at the wol. THE WAY HE SMILED.... HE DOESN'T SMILE OFTEN???? THIS GRUMPY LIL MF #wait i'm emotional. meteion and hermes n. FUCKKK #SOB HERMES YOU NEVER MANAGED TO FIND YOUR ANSWER. I'M SORRY. I'M SO SORRY #GOD CCAN YOU TELL THE KIND OF PERSON I AM FROM MY FAVE CHARAS #A 'FIELD OF FLOWERS'. IM GNA CRYYYYYY 'thank you for guiding me here' i. GOD I'M EMOTIONAL THIS #mafuyu's my fav chara. i'm a kanade kin. hahaha. & then. i'm a dark knight main in ffxiv. after tank i'm also a healer main #can you see? i love to. i love to help others oh my fucking god n it burdens me but. i love it more. as a strength.#flow is making me emotional. the lyrics mean so much to me. with ffxiv context n then. my emotional attachment to it for numerous reasons #the lyrics. out of context comfort me. resonate with me. the rain. stars. fate. memory. love. water. sleep. dawn. dreams.#i wonder what words others hold in importance. that resonate with their soul. & what it means to them. memories too #i know in certainty for me. i want to learn of everyone else #this little world of mine. i wonder. how. it looks like in your eyes. what others wish to learn of me too. i can only hope that #i'm so used to fiction you see. reality feels so distant at times. n with my differences it. oft feels i don't belong #yet still i hold on. why? bcs there's so much more to life. please don't give up. you deserve so much more.#n to everyone i know now. to just indulge in myself maybe. a selfish desire. i hope this will last. n i'll be there to see you #better and happier in the future. for as short and long as we know each other i care for all of you so so much #maybe i'm sorry for ever loving you in whichever way it differs per person in my life. but i'll be a bother. i don't want to #i don't want to lose anyone anymore #god... thinking back on drk and. myste's words resonate with me so much. love and forgiveness has always meant so much to me #ah yeah i remember again who i am. don't think twice is also making me extra emotional #i'm sorry though. it really does hurt n. time's going far too fast. but i'll try to do what i can. so long as you're still with me i think #i can manage. that's enough. that would be enough. even if i'm not enough. i'll hold unto myself and. what's important to me

3 notes · View notes

noxtivagus · 2 years

Text

oh man i still love ffxv so much 🫶🏼

#🌙.rambles #[ ffxv. ]#i am thinking again of . noctis #GODDAMN I USED TO BE SO #noctis used to be my fav chara back then. he's still one of my favs rn #i love ffxv music sm man thank you yoko shimomura for composing elegant osts #i love kingdom hearts sm too.... final fantasy n kh my childhood fr #help i like so many games that are connected to sqex in a way 😭#nier published by sqex . n huh #even one of my fav animanga ( fullmetal alchemist ) is connected to sqex in a way #funny how all these interests were influenced by my father's side of the family. my dad n an aunt in particular #i actually nearly finished the manga for fma ! but not the last few volumes bcs my aunt has them w her in japan i think. 🥹#wait i'm listening to ffx rn n i am emotional. my first exposure to ff #but i played ffxiii first. i still remember the start of the second chapter i think...? then rip ps3 broke #🥹 i'm. i love my childhood #thinking abt it n i've really been exposed to a lot of video games #gow & tlou & loz & ac & the other ac & ff & nier & fe & kh & mario stuff ofc & help sm more #oh man i really have always been passionate about video games. it means so much to me esp w the ones w good stories bcs u play through them #ffxiv as an mmorpg. really fit so well with what i wanted. im really so happy #god i played a lot of board games as well when i was young n those smart wtvr stuff #n a lot of fps in gr 6 especially. n so much gacha games wtf n rhythm games n mobile mmos too #when i get interested in smth i really seek to learning as much of it as i can #i also watched sm anime back then 🫣 n i got into a lot of kpop grps back then too #in ffxiv i do most content. not quite rp yet tho. but i have rped in other places in the past LMFAOOO #thinking abt how i'm so weak for romantic stuff tho. suteki da ne... sob. i blame final fantasy for me being like this #the way i write is so filled with confusion. but also a gentle n strong love for life as a whole. n poems n stories n. longing #please pay me no mind rn i am Emotional n cringe but free #i am emotional rn n distracted n confused n a mess but at least i got that. thing out of my mind. i'll stress about it later

2 notes · View notes

noxtivagus · 2 years

Text

haurchefant

#🌙.rambles #[ ffxiv. ]#IM SO SORRY IM SO EMOTIONAL OVER FFXIV RN #I SAW A THREAD ON TWT OF ARCHE N I FEEL LIKE CRYING #MY MAN.... SOB I LOVE HIM #🥹 he was one of my top fav charas too #before emet he was in my top 3 #he's still one of my favs #wahh ;; upcoming spoilers #he. his death. the tragedy of it as a whole #IM SO SAD FUCK. ALL THE THINGS HE DID FOR US #their broken family.... HELP WHY DO I LIKE SAD CHARAS SM FR #cries. sobs. he. haurchefant #i'm so proud of him. i wish there was more my wol could have done #hahahaha his death was a really important part in my wol's lore #that regret that pain. fuck #i. darling. i'm so sad. i wish i could hug him #i'm so sad. 'too little too late' that sentiment hurts me so much.#i feel like crying. haurchefant makes me emotional yo i cried sm when he died #n i cried in like so many other references of him throughout the story #he's a special character to me. yk the way he admires the wol? n how. sigh. SIGH #i didn't think too much on him when i first met him in-game but as yk he appeared more in msq i definitely gree attached #grew*. sighhh 🥹#i don't want my wol to have too many love interests LMFAO so haurche being dead is probably more of just a friend but #it's the kind of friend that. writing trope you know there's something more underneath.#affection runs deeper than just being friends but you hide it. afraid that maybe it'll fester more #n in this case it ends up haltering n ending altogether with death #that's how i'd write my wol if i shipped her more w haurchefant but oh well he's dead 🫠#i rmb writing last year. a letter to my wol for him.#sobbing remember that tales from the dragonsong story as well. his letter for the wol. im so smitted im so fucking sad

2 notes · View notes

noxtivagus · 2 years

Text

I LOVE FFXIV SM

#🌙.rambles #[ ffxiv. ]#help i'm rambling sm today #but oh man../ watching some 5.3 cutscenes in jpn w apollo just now #i rlly love the themes w raha #i honestly really relate w that as well. sigh .#the way color schemes rlly influence my fave charas tho 💀 so i'm more of an emet-selch liker ><#ffxiv... i love ffxiv so much #it's weird thinking abt how it's nearly been 2 years since i've started the game #;;; w that in mind it's also weird how all these things have happened in all this time #all the charas tho are so sadddd #i rmber how i cried in all those emet-selch cutscenes #yk the one in kholusia where he talks abt love n remembrance..... that look on his face. the pain in his voice. // we don't remember #i love azemet sm bcs w the wol it's also so sad #past lover stuff.... immortality n #thinking abt all the burdens hades had to carry for so long!!!! alone!!!! the burden of memories n tomorrows #emet-selch pre and post sundering is so sad .

3 notes · View notes

noxtivagus · 2 years

Text

ffxiv's so healing

#🌙.rambles #joke i lowkey have an toxic relationship w it #bcs it gives me so much comfort but then also stresses me out sm 🫠#'ffxiv's so healing' - i say while listening to scream #i rmber a friend asked how i was doing yesterday and i replied with #'SLOWLY GOING INSANE BUT IT'S BEEN GREAT 🤩'#which is actually very true 😭😭#it is a bit concerning that i can't help but relate to lahabrea a lot #not specifically his own experiences but i think the intensity of emotion #bcs holy fuck imagine #the despair the anger he would've felt #falling for someone only to later realize that. (maybe) they never even loved you back #they just wanted to use you #imagine the loneliness he would've felt to hide the truth away. to be so hated and scorned by the person you protected #he regretted love as a husband; what wld become of him then as a father?#imagine the emptiness he would feel if #maybe w the sundering #if eric dies.#after athena he would't succumb to love again but imagine if he finds it again instead as a father; only to lose it again #i love how the lyrics of the song reflects sm in all of the charas #it's so painful. it's harsh. it's dark #i fucking love it #i don't know how that wld feel but. uh. i'm empathetic if that says smth #& my emotions have always been intense #being angry n broken feels better than emptiness for me #yeah ngl there's smth wrong w my head probably #sometimes i'm normal but i also really have a kind of crazy side ig #....scorpio sun capricorn moon? 🫠#💀 basically tho typically these emotions sre a bit more balanced. i guess you cld say rn that #rn i'm leaning more towards the vibes of hell ( rather than heaven ). fallen angels. red. lucilius > lucifer.

2 notes · View notes

noxtivagus · 1 year

Text

🫣 rambling abt ffxiv quests again yes so true

#🌙.rambles #[ ffxiv. ]#cont yet again oops ><#HFDLKAFJSD N THE LAST QUEST 😭 'forever at your side' it's so bittersweet.#dreams n freedom n ideals n smth worthy of being proud n loved n regrests n casting away hate n #yeah making the most w our lives n the future. 'for those we have lost n for those we can yet save' ffxiv ihysm #reason to live for the present n the future.. moving on from the scars of the past. we all owe that to ourselves.#'searching for my place in the world' & 'I was always on the outside looking in.' ouch #'But I've realized if we can't find one we just have to make it ourselves.' ily #'I'll never forget my past but neither will I be beholden to it.' yeah 🥹🤍#[]'s chara development means so much to me. yeah humans n morality n our ideals r rich in complexity #'true strength resides within us' n the other stuff too [] was my fictional therapist in that cutscene lmfao #yeah that. really helped me then i remember. i was crying so much bro that resonated w me so much :c #'My children gave everything so that others might be free. I will not rest until the world they dreamed of becomes a reality.'#i'm so proud of him. n then ; 'When I recall our time together I remember the person I used to be. The person I *still* can be.'#memories n forever at your side sobbing. 'i'm the only one left... /but i'll never be alone' FAMILIAL LOVE #'[]. I won't give up on our dream.' yeah. Yeah. one of my favorites fr #i rlly love ffxiv :C #it gives me so much hope n reminds me of myself. to hells if i'll be a fool—just let me dream.

1 note · View note

noxtivagus · 1 year

Text

the sorrow of werlyt. hmmm

#🌙.rambles #[ ffxiv. ]#that. storyline makes me feel so much #not only is the ost sooo goddamn good w the ruby emerald n diamond weapons but hdflaksdjfas terncliff !!!! 'and love you shall find'#the story. deals with. familial love. n there's #goddamn. the story makes me so. angry in a way? the antag there is so.. so fucking twisted.#like. he's just downright evil. one of the only charas in ffxiv that i actually hate.#like w the other antags they have other stuff w them that make me find them as a fictional character yk interesting n all but #valens. that guy. i just hate him.#the story is so sad 🥹🫶🏼 it's just so.. twisted on so many levels n. goddamn it just fills me up with so many emotions. one of my favs #hdkjaflsd it's pretty heavy :c the survivor's guilt n taking steps forward. pains of the past mhm.#n ah redemption arc too of one of the other charas. i appreciate that. he knows what he did is wrong n #nothing would ever change that but yk. i'm happy he moves forward to being a better person.#ah yeah there's also stuff w purpose n yeah n. it's just. the story's really meaningful.#hope. n protecting those we love.#ffxiv rlly strengthened me as a person honestly n really helped me be more self-aware i think. no hmm. a better way to put it is #yk yeah having it by my side helped me. help i can't write but yeah it's in my head n i find peace in. yk.#hdfalksjdfl it's not Because of ffxiv that i'm like this ? like it's not the sole reason it just helped me n #it's just. very. connected on different levels. my words can't do the thought justice though.#for simplicity's sake i'll just say one thing i meant to say bcs i have to continue working on that script sob #drk as a tank. n i guess being an older twin. protecting others.. yeah. so. the sorrow of werlyt really resonates with me #the. sacrifices they make though just rlly make me sad. that sort of loss is just so bitter even though it contributes to the future.#bcs. yk if things were different if we were all just better if society was better then yk those sacrifices wldn't have been made #in the first place. but.. such is the way of life i suppose. but i'll continue to try n try n make things better as much as i can #fuck if it's naive. there's no harm in at least doing my best n hoping right?#that one aymeric quote yeah; 'even if it is folly to hope then i am content to remain a fool' or smth along those lines.#i love him. aymeric my bro fr. i'd rather be a fool than be someone who didn't even try.#the sorrow of werlyt has stuff like that too n the way they tell the story just.. it's so. :c to me. T_T #sobbing 'we will forever be by your side' & the price to pay for freedom huh. reminds me of zack too i love him so much #'you know I'm not the sort to do things by halves.' you suck ily & the 'forgive me' 😭😭

1 note · View note

noxtivagus · 1 year

Text

ALPHINAUD'S SO CUTE 😭

#🌙.rambles #[ ffxiv. ]#i want to headpat him so badly. he's so adorable #oh dear i'm never gna shut up about this am i #i want to braid his hair 🥹🫶🏼#i think alphi wld look good in dresses. n skirts. T_T #i want to like. put flowers in his hair or smth :c #actually unfair alphi's so cute #i don't want that elezen growth spurt to ever happen alphi's so adorable 😭😭#i'm just. thinking of my fav charas again rn #i want to dote on them so badly i love them all so much #ffxiv wol lore.. hdajfslkdjfslkd #lmfao thinking about how yk aymeric's so busy :^) bro's just like me frfr #N I MISS HAURCHEFANT SO MUCH #n don't get me started on emet-selch & hermes oh dear #wait i'm trying to think of female characters help i just realized all those i've mentioned so far are yeah #GAIA & ZERO. MY FAVS #they're.. purple n emo.. 💀 gaia's so gay! i love her n ryne so much hdkafljdlkf #n zero pls i want to yk be her friend (or more) sorry i'm delusional. cringe too perhaps but 🥹

1 note · View note

noxtivagus · 2 years

Text

a night will never not be complete without me rambling abt ffxiv huh

#🌙.rambles #[ ffxiv. ]#i'm so happy i found smth like ffxiv for me n apollo. later in 2023 will be the third year of playing. which is a bit hard to believe #i'm so soft for the drk quests i did enjoy it in english or wtvr but reading those fanmade jpn translations rlly warms my heart even more #n then. uwahh listening to shb osts n other vg stuff rn n masquerade at this specific point just #eulmore ost means a lot to me i rlly love that kind of vibe n then. i have a lot of fond memories in that place.#w sm friends back on twintania n 5.5 days hehe.#i am srs rambling again but i just rlly like talking to myself ok pls don't mind me uhhhh #ffxiv helped keep me grounded yes it rlly helped me through hard times. w the world in it n then. the stories that helped me so much #n the music :<< n the charas mean so much to me n then. i just appreciate the game so much. it means a lot to me #thinking abt it n i've really never been good at friendships. i rlly do want to do better bcs i value them so much but hdfjalkfsjda T_T #i rmb fucking up smth late 2020 n then first half or so of 2021 i only interacted w my family n school ppl i think n. ppl in ffxiv #srs reflecting rn n for the longest time i think i genuinely rlly struggled w social anxiety. still do to an extent but it was sm worse #twintania n my fc then changed my life fr they helped me n i don't think i ever rlly directly thanked them but yh.#n then. those social interactions helped me later that year reconnecting w my longtime irl friends that i barely talked to for those past #years bcs of the pandemic n then earlier 2022 w making new friends that weren't online friends for the first time in so long #n then being more connected w my reality again w all that yes n then making more online friends. not a lot i'm still v shy but <3 #idk i know i rlly say a lot of the same things often n i write a Lot in tags n ramble sm n i genuinelly will be embarrassed if ppl actually #read this but pls i just like talking to myself i don't do it for attention T_T but I SHOULD REALLY FIX THESE STUFF UP #i think i've just been rambling for the past hour . idk i just really love n appreciate a lot of stuff in life n there's no end to what i #cld just write about like this to myself. n i write even more in my notes oh dear #i seriously look forward to so much this year i'm going to put my regrets behind me n just look towards doing the future #the best i can do is just be kind to myself n do what i can n do what i love uwahh #ok genuinely i still do feel rather stressed n anxious n i'm pretty sure i just wrote that earlier but uh my mind is a mess at this hour #i should not be on tumblr past midnight or when i'm sleepy . i've really made a habit of writing so much in tags #school starts like tmrrw now n thankfully my sleep got mostly fixed. i have so much more i want to do but i'll make sure to #take care of my health at least. for the past 2 weeks now i think i usually sleep around midnight (earlier typically) n never later than 3 #I'M HAPPY W THAT sleeping better rlly improved a lot but it's so hard to start making that change when. Yeah but here i am now <3 #that said though i'm gna stop. rambling now i wna be a bit more productive before i sleep but gn in advance ><

1 note · View note

noxtivagus · 2 years

Text

ffxiv gives me sm hope

#🌙.rambles #rambling again yes. i really just love the story so much #it. serves as a lot of inspiration and motivation for my creativity #it makes me emotional. which was especially important for me more than a year back when #i was really bottling my emotions bcs of some painful events ig that i dealt with #i love how the story n world is so deep n i cld really lose myself in my thoughts n emotions n imagination n mind as a whole #from the msq to the charas to all sorts of side stories.#the depth of the world means so much to me. and as an mmorpg we ourselves as players are a part of it #it's personal. n it keeps in improving n continuing #n that's one thing that i used to search for before ffxiv. which is why this stupid game has such a strong grasp on me #i'm attached to it yes but my affection runs on a personal emotional level. it's intertwined in my identity. i've grown up with it #i'm thankful for that. ffxiv really has taught me a lot. both in the game in itself as an rpg n the mmo aspect as well #my connection to is has become more healthy though as well now that i've grown up and healed more #it's been a vital aspect of me maturing. brings out the good in me #through its story telling. just the way how it reaches out to me #someday hmm i really want to create a game with a similar level of depth as ffxiv #not sure if i'd like it to be an mmo. maybe. but with my focus on being a doctor in the future #i'm not entirely sure how i'll go about pursuing my other dreams. but i'll find a way. i'll achieve success #help i have sm thoughts rn it's a bit overwhelming as usual but i remember myself again #and. oh there's so much i have to do. i'll do my best though. i'll do what i can n i'll try my best even if my skills are lacking #i love life. it hurts but yes i love life deeply. so i'll continue to write even if i'm a mess #aaaa drk ffxiv really resonates w me n sm of the story as well ;;;; it helped give form to myself in a time where i was so lost #n songs like to the edge n return to the oblivion have always kept me company. its lyrics giving voice n relating to my own self #n i can appreciate it as well for what it is in itself as innately part of ffxiv's story / not just my own #it hurts definitely but i love being aware of my own depth. n of life. it hurts being different in a way from the norm but i love who i am.#even if it really does feel lonely n im not entirely sure why n im not sure what to do. i'll hold unto myself. unto life n my consciousness #i'll control what i can n make my peace w what i cannot. n i'll love life n myself for what it means to me #i'll just be myself. what will complement me and what i deserve n want will rightfully come so long as i continue being myself.#i think w who i am i shouldn't hide. i have no need to be afraid. i'm meant for so much more. i cld fly so much higher n be free #so long as i hold unto that aspect of myself i think i can eventually find proper peace. in my own way. even if it's lonely. i don't belong

1 note · View note