#help I'm nervous to post this
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IT IS FINALLY DONE!
God, this took me way too long...xD
After days of work I finally finished the challenge that I set for myself: Sending out props to a lot of artist here on tumblr that I really enjoy! (Actually there are way waaay more people, but I really had to set myself a limit, I'm sorry fellas ;w; I still love you!)
These people inspire me every day with their creative concepts, stories, humor and passion for art and give me the drive to continue drawing myself. With this little collection I wanted to say "thank you" for all that you do and create. You rock, guys!
(I really hope I didn't mess up any of the tags and I apologize if I might fu**ed up your designs/characters ;3; I know I'm not the best in proportions and all, but I really tried. <w<´´ Also I really hope Tumblr compresses the text by itself, so that you don't get smacked by this wall of text. I'm still a rookie on tumblr, so I don't know what to do ;w;)
Okay, heeere we go! THE TAGS!
@tv-tower / @uuberwachen - with PB aka Swap Pizzahead (I really love the idea of the au and adore the character designs. PB sure is one of my favorites -w- He is literally the most reasonable of them all XD)
@technically-a-kiwi - with Cosmic Peppino ( The design of Cosmic Peppino is simply beautiful and the idea that this chef has strong star powers and needs to take care of Cosmic Noises shenanigans is super funny to me XD )
@sirtotallynotatimetraveler - with Mel Sproutbloom / Sagebloom (I'm sorry, I wasn't sure which name is canon ;w;) ( I loooove Mel! He is such a gentle, colorful guy and looking at him makes me all happy <3 )
@alextydaisuda123 - with their version of Vigilante ( I can't repeat enough how much I adore their artstyle. I love Vigi's design the most. I don't know it's just...THAT'S Vigi for me, you know? Simply fitting, cool, but also stylish -w- )
@alice-the-demon - with Vittoria ( I was first thinking of drawing Archangel Peppino, since this guy is the softness itself, buuuut I have to admit that I love the lively and passionate personality of Vittoria. She is great -w- )
@misdreavusplush - with Eyelashes ( I can't help it. I saw that character and was in awe. How adorable can you be?? I was barely able to draw her eyes as pretty as they are xD <3 )
@creature-of-pizza - with Pepp ( Seriously, the idea to see a "Fake Peppino" with more cat dna is such a win for me. He is dynamic, sassy, derpy and so damn cool! >w< Also love how colorful their pictures are.)
@eskariolis-con-salsa - with Gnocchi (I was thinking about drawing their version of Fake Peppino first, but...*looks at picture* ...let's be honest, you can't get pass that little guy. ;w; He purifies my soul. Have some soap, little guy.)
@oddpizza - with Caramel Jam aka CJ (Such a creative and powerful character! I've seen so many artworks of them and I adore them. You need more joyful people like this ^^)
@pizza-tower-secrets - with Lycheecheechee ( A small, adorable bundle full of surprises and of course secrets! I love their drive and colorful design. Simply a delight! :3 )
@rhaytronik - with Red ( A dynamic and enjoyable character with their love for adventures! Not only a great character but also the Pizzasona of my best friend. Thanks to them I was brave enough to start a tumblr account myself. So thank you for being there for me <3 )
@cutechan555 - with Mage Gustavo (To be honest, I had a very hard time to pick a character here, since their account is full of stories and ideas. I chose mage Gustavo, since I love his design and story. I'm currently into "Delicious in Dungeon" and to imagine that he goes dungeon crawling with his bros to safe Peppino is such a cool idea XD)
@bigbeastcyruspt - with Trion (I have to be honest, at first I was very startled of Trion, since his design is very mighty and scary. I mean, it's his chase form after all. But the more I learned about him, the more I grew to like him. Very damn cool design! Also couldn't help to add dah baby ;w;)
@lunar-dal - with Pizza Cruise Peppino (Another au I simply adore! The design of the characters is colorful and bright, and to imagine Peppino as a singing gondolier brings me great joy. Also I'm a big fan of otter Brick ;w; )
@smalltimidbean - with Pea Pod, Sugar Snap Pea and Snow Pea (Believe me, I never before had such a hard time to pick ONE of so many wonderful Peppi clones! THAT was torture XD But in the end I guess I picked my favorite. Such a tired, but very cute one. Not to forget about the little ones <3 To draw a PT character with 4 fingers and 2 thumbs on one hand was quite a challenge lol )
@tinderboxofsillyideas - with Coffee Peppino (Probably one of the most adorable au versions of Peppino. Seriously, if I had the chance to get my coffee in his café, I totally would! Give that guy all the tips! <3 First thought of drawing their wizard Peppino version, but the adorable barista won lol)
@xbeih - with Metal Peppino (One of the first au's I started following. Seriously, how cool can one person be?? I mean, the whole au is amazing and I enjoy every person in it. But damn...Peppino takes the cake. ówo He is so badass, you can't imagine <w< Also I'm very sorry, it was my first time drawing a guitar and aaaaaaa )
.....*looks left and right* ...ok, we did it. Wow!
God, I'm exhausted now...XD
Well, thank you very much for reading and sorry for the wall of text ówq I can only recommend you to check these people out. They are all very talented and should be appreciated!
Have a pleasant morning / day / evening / night everyone. (Depending your timezone lul .w. )
See ya next time! Vivi out!~
#pizza tower#pizza tower fanart#fanart#pizza tower oc#art gift#god I hope the tags are ok like this#help I'm nervous to post this#ahhh#;w;
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#gravity falls#bill cipher#bill's parents#scalene cipher#euclid cipher#euclidia#my post#my art#meme#I get very nervous every time I post something#help#the book of bill#I'm not an artist or a funny person but I'm trying my best?#Did I get the meme right at all? I'm bad at English you know#I'm bad at english#you know.
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Salutations! I hope you are having a wonderful day, and/or night. I feel sheepish to ask, since I feel it might be a silly question, but do you have any tips for how to get over anxiety about posting artwork? Especially when first starting out posting, and having the feeling of nobody liking it. And then having the slow wait and the uncomfortable moments where you want to delete whatever you posted. This might be a loaded question, and I apologize once again, but I thought it was worth asking, since you have talked about having anxiety about such things before. It's something I'm having to tackle at the moment, and thought to ask about. You are always very mindful about things, so I just wanted to know if you had anything to say. Once again, thank you for your time. You're an amazing person, and have an amazing week. 🖤🖤🖤
Hi! I'm flattered you value my thoughts enough to ask! I'm not very good at giving advice but I can try. I'm only speaking for myself and how I look at these things, so don't treat this as universal truth or a big motivational speech or anything.
But yes, I know exactly what you mean, the feeling of anxiety and awkwardness about posting art. Finally collecting the courage to do it and then being hit with a wave of self-consciousness and a visceral urge to delete it. I don't think I have any quick and practical tips for overcoming it, I'm afraid.
I'd encourage you to try to avoid deleting your art posts, even if it feels bad looking at them. Working hard on something and seeing that it isn't getting the response you hoped for hurts, understandably so. But you have to keep in mind that building a gallery, finding mutuals and attracting an "audience" is a slow process, it takes time for the right people to find you. If you keep removing stuff those people will never have the chance to connect with your work. Imagine them coming across your account, stopping to look around briefly, seeing that there's not much to see and leaving. If you have more artwork to show (even if some of it is not perfect), you may be able to hold their attention longer, and they might follow you because they have a reason to believe you will make more.
If it gets truly unbearable, you always have the option to go back and delete the post that's causing you anxiety. It's your art and your account, your choice and your right to do that. But doing it regularly can turn into self-sabotage quickly, and prevent you from getting past the uncomfortable entry level.
It gets easier over time. You build a tolerance for that uneasy, exposed feeling. I know everyone says this and it's practically impossible to do in reality, but try not to get discouraged by numbers. They don't determine the value of your work or the level of your skill. Don't think "nobody likes this", think "the people who would like this haven't seen it".
Virality is often short lived and disloyal, don't compare yourself to hit posts. People who get famous overnight lose the majority of their following as soon as their fans find the next cool thing. Focus on the people who are actually invested in what you make long-term. It sounds cliche, but a comment or string of thoughtful tags will most certainly motivate and inspire you more than any number of anonymous likes.
Try to be patient, engage with people who have similar interests as you to build a meaningful online circle that you enjoy sharing things with, and do your best to learn to love your art more than the amount of notes it gets.
#answered#anonymous#sorry if this sounds unbearably banal and soapboxy I'm genuinely just trying to be helpful#I get nervous and self-conscious about my art as well and it usually gets more intense if I take a break from posting regularly#but sometimes you really find your drive and you get into this inspiration loop where you're just bursting with creative juices#and at that moment the self-actualization is real
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Why Kristoph Gavin Is Like That: An Essay
Alright so common sentiments I've seen regarding Kristoph are "Why is he like that" and "I want to study him in a lab" and I am a psychology nerd, so I decided to analyze Kristoph. Obligatory disclaimer: I am not a psychologist. Wanting to analyze Kristoph's behavior may or may not have gotten me interested in criminal and forensic psychology but I am not a psychologist. I am simply a guy who likes to psychoanalyze fictional characters from the most clinical perspective I can get to without actually being a psychologist. So let's begin.
Part 1: Diagnosing Kristoph Gavin
The thing about Kristoph is I think to fundamentally understand him, you need to diagnose him. In fact, I haven't posted my analysis of Kristoph's black Psyche-Locks because of it. As I said, I'm not a psychologist, but I do enjoy looking through the DSM-5 every once in a while, so I'm going off of that.
When you first look at Kristoph's behavior, you would (understandably) say he's a narcissist. From a purely colloquial perspective, this is absolutely true. However, I also think he very likely has narcissistic personality disorder. To be completely clear, I don't think his behavior is inherently a result of this. I think his behavior is a result of realizing he has a problem (even if he doesn't realize it's narcissism, he does acknowledge that he's fucked up because the reason he gives for killing Zak is "I am an evil human being") and not bothering to get help for it. In fact I'd argue he embraces it. So let's go through the DSM-5's diagnostic criteria for NPD (I don't need to explain where most of these are applicable but I'm going to anyway).
Criterion 1: Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements) - While I don't personally think the examples provided by the DSM-5 are reflective of Kristoph's behavior (although I think an argument could be made about him exaggerating his achievements, depending on if you think he was forging evidence before the Gramarye trial, which I personally do but I'll get into that later) I absolutely think he has a grandiose sense of self-importance because he canonically has a god complex, which is implied to be why he became a defense attorney; by doing that, he made people depend on him and literally had people's lives in his hands.
Criterion 2: Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love - I don't really know exactly how applicable this is, and it might've been more applicable when he was younger. However, he was so determined to get a win over Klavier in Klavier's first trial to forge evidence over it, so there's something to be said about him having a preoccupation with success not unlike Manfred I think.
Criterion 3: Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions) - He literally says this himself. He literally says the jury is made up of "ignorant swine" and says they're soiling the courts, I don't know what else to say on this point
Criterion 4: Requires excessive admiration - I will once again point you to the implication that he became a defense attorney specifically to make people dependent on him. The judge calls him the best defense attorney in town so I think it's safe to assume he's never lost a trial (which I will bring up again later). The nanosecond it's implied Apollo is turning on him and losing admiration for him, Kristoph takes it as a fucking betrayal, specifically saying "Et tu, Justice? You would betray me, your teacher?" Reminder, this is because Apollo decided to listen to Phoenix's testimony.
Criterion 5: Has a sense of entitlement (i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations) - Can I say his cell is evidence of this? No? Alright. He seems pretty fucking upset when he's reminded he's not the defense attorney in Phoenix's case. What does this imply? He acts like he's entitled to acting as the defense attorney during the case. This in comparison to the other defense attorneys who have acted as co-counsel at some point (Mia, Diego, Phoenix, Apollo, Kazuma, Athena) who let the acting defense attorney do their damn job. Like it might even be that no other lawyer acting as co-counsel has ever acted as entitled as Kristoph does that makes it feel like Kristoph comes off as entitled in the first place (in which case, I very much think Kristoph is meant to come off as entitled during Turnabout Trump).
Criterion 6: Is interpersonally exploitative (i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends) - I'm not explaining this. Phoenix's disbarment hinged on this, I refuse to explain this. I already made a post about it in regards to Apollo, I'm not explaining this here
Criterion 7: Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others - I think in order to be as horrible as he is, he would have to lack empathy. Idk. Like he obviously lacks empathy but I don't know how to explain it.
Criterion 8: Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her - Literally his motive for everything. He got Phoenix disbarred because he was upset over Zak firing him.
Criterion 9: Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes - I will once again direct you to him calling the jury "ignorant swine" in Turnabout Succession.
That is 8 out of 9 criteria he definitely meets and one that's debatable. You only need to meet five of the critera to be diagnosed. The only reason one is debatable is because we don't get into Kris's head. Conclusion: "Kristoph has NPD" isn't an unreasonable assumption. Kristoph having NPD is actually why I haven't posted the analysis on his Psyche-Locks; I didn't think I could explain Kristoph having NPD well in that post and having that explanation is crucial to understanding that analysis (which will be added to this one instead of it being its own post).
As I said at the start, I do not think Kristoph having NPD makes him a horrible person. I think he knows he has a problem, and instead of getting help for it, he embraces it. He chooses not to get help and that choice and him borderline embracing his narcissistic traits is what makes him a horrible person. This is yet another thing that makes Kristoph and Klavier so interesting; Klavier exhibited similar narcissistic tendencies at 17 (although not near as bad as Kristoph) but it feels like he recognized that he had a problem and got help for it. Narcissistic personality disorder can be caused by trauma, and it wouldn't surprise me if Kristoph and Klavier had very similar yet very different responses to whatever traumatic event they experienced. In Kris's case, this resulted in NPD that he didn't get help for and arguably embraces.
Part 2: Evidence Forgery & A Perfect Trial Record
The judge explicitly refers to Kristoph as "the best defense attorney in town" when he asks about Apollo's status as the acting attorney and Apollo refers to Kristoph as a "top-notch defense attorney" when he asks Phoenix why he wanted Apollo to be his attorney. In my opinion, both of these statements would imply that Kristoph has never lost a trial. Even Phoenix has lost trials, and he basically had Kristoph's reputation before being disbarred (which has some super interesting implications actually). This is where Klavier comes into play.
For Kristoph to forge evidence to guarantee a win, he's either not as good a defense attorney as his reputation would have people believe, or he was confident Klavier had a chance to win the trial. If we really think about it, I think the first option, that Kristoph just isn't as good a defense attorney as people think, is more likely, and this also leads into the evidence forgery discussion. He had no qualms about spending $100k on forged evidence. This implies one of two things; either he's forged evidence before or he's von Karma levels of rich. I think it's much more likely that Kristoph forges evidence to make up for the fact that he's not actually as good a defense attorney as people think he is.
He's a year younger than Phoenix, so if we assume he became a defense attorney at the same age as Phoenix (24), he'd already been a defense attorney for two years at that point. Going a bit further, if we assume he became a defense attorney at the same age as Apollo (22) instead, then he'd been an attorney for four years by the time Zak's trial was happening (and he had been an attorney long enough by Zak's trial to be well known, as Klavier says "Ah, figures my bro's more famous in this part of town" when the judge asks if Klavier and Kristoph are related). There's plenty of room for him to forge evidence there, as long as the decisive evidence doesn't require replication of something that would be unique, like handwriting. He could (probably) easily forge a murder weapon or a bloodstain. This would explain why he's so willing to pay $100k for a forgery too. If we keep with the assumption that he forged evidence his entire career but never had to do anything with something like handwriting, he'd probably pay an arm and a leg to get the evidence he needs.
Considering Kristoph is also willing to murder people over a seven year old case, I wouldn't be surprised if he defended people he knew were guilty. Depending on the case, he would probably have to forge evidence at some point.
Part 3: Black Psyche-Locks
Kristoph having black Psyche-Locks when he's asked about why he killed Zak is interesting. It makes a lot more sense if you keep in mind that he is a narcissist. To fully explore Kris's Psyche-Locks, we need to go back to something Spark Brushel mentions in Turnabout Succession's MASON system section.
Spark says that Kristoph started stalking everyone who could conceivably be involved in Zak's case out of paranoia. In Kristoph's brain, this was probably completely justified. His paranoia was specifically rooted in the belief that Zak would appear to someone involved in the case and expose Kristoph's forgery. Kristoph stalked Spark, he stalked Phoenix, he stalked the Mishams, I wouldn't be surprised if he (attempted to) stalk Klavier. If the fact that he forged the evidence that got Phoenix Wright disbarred ever got out, his reputation would be tarnished beyond repair, and to him, his reputation is the most important thing he has. He was so careful about how he handled the forged diary page that nobody suspected anything was even wrong with it except Klavier. All of this adds context to his Psyche-Locks being black instead of red.
I think it's incredibly likely that whether through paranoia-fueled delusion or just not being able to consciously acknowledge that he did kill Zak (which, if revealed and then investigated, could absolutely expose all of Kristoph's wrongdoings, something I think he would've realized), he genuinely didn't realize he killed Zak. I 100% think it's possible that Kristoph genuinely thought he'd killed some random guy on impulse. "But Jinx," I hear you saying, "why would he have gone after Zak if he didn't realize who he is?" As I said, I think it's possible that Kris thought he killed a random guy on impulse. He didn't plan to kill Zak. If he had, he would've been more prepared for it. I think some part of his brain recognized Zak which is what gave him the impulse in the first place, but he didn't become consciously aware of it until Turnabout Succession. Alternatively, he got so far in denial that he managed to delude himself into genuinely thinking he hadn't killed Zak, and he had just killed some rando named Shadi Smith. Phoenix didn't even recognize Zak when he introduced himself as Shadi. If Phoenix, who played poker with and defended Zak and has a picture of him in his office, didn't recognize Zak immediately, why would Kristoph?
It's also not impossible that there are multiple other murders Kristoph's committed that we don't know about. Hell, he tried to poison the Mishams after Zak's trial. At the very least I don't think that was his first time attempting murder. Kristoph's not an idiot, he's just careless (which doesn't surprise me, considering he is so convinced that if he ties his loose ends he won't get caught that he doesn't even tie his loose ends all the way, nor watch what he says in regards to murders he committed). That's not to say he's some kind of mastermind either, but he is intelligent. I don't think he could pull Simeon Saint levels of bullshit but he's very much capable of successfully and skillfully manipulating people. My point here being, if he has murdered other people before he murdered Zak and after he attempted to poison the Mishams, he probably wouldn't be surprised about having the impulse to kill some random guy, making him more inclined to believe he did just kill some guy.
I also think it's worth it to compare how Athena's Psyche-Locks broke in Dual Destinies to Kristoph's behavior. Athena was able to be eased into her Psyche-Locks breaking. She didn't have any reason not to trust the things Phoenix was saying. Kristoph is so paranoid that he doesn't trust anyone. He wouldn't have been able to have his Psyche-Locks broken because he would just deny everything that's being said until he can't deny it anymore and breaks down, something at least directly related to his paranoia, if not also his NPD. This is why I mentioned in this post that breaking Kristoph's Psyche-Locks would always be a bad idea. He'd never get to a point where he'd be able to mentally handle the truth. Kris's trust issues run so deep that he'd never trust anything anyone's saying until the damage is already done and the Psyche-Locks are broken. In Kristoph's case, there's no way to break those fuckers without causing the damage Pearl mentioned as something that'll happen if they're broken when they're not ready to be. I wouldn't be surprised if this is why Kristoph's breakdown in Turnabout Succession is so intense.
Part 4: Kristoph's Personal Relationships
For this section, I'm going to discuss each of Kristoph's relationships separately, then go into what his relationships say about him in general. So let's start.
Kristoph & Klavier
Kristoph and Klavier's dynamic is genuinely one of the most interesting in the Ace Attorney series to me.
Klavier doesn't really talk about Kristoph much, and the same sorta seems to apply to Kristoph. We don't learn anything about Klavier and Kristoph's dynamic until Turnabout Succession, and we know Kristoph didn't talk about Klavier because Apollo didn't even know Kristoph has a brother. When we do see what their dynamic was like in 2019, it's Klavier being used by Kristoph. Kristoph used Klavier to get Phoenix disbarred, and it weighed on Klavier's mind for seven years.
I also think it's worth noting the following exchange from Turnabout Succession:
Klavier: Let's clean out the family closet, eh, Kristoph? Kristoph: You're spinning out of control. Calm yourself before you say something you'll regret. Klavier: Spinning out of whose control? Mine? …Or yours?
Which implies that Kristoph exhibited some kind of controlling behavior towards Klavier. It doesn't surprise me because Kristoph's a control freak. I'd also be more surprised if Klavier wasn't afraid of Kristoph killing him at some point. Additionally, something I mentioned in my Klavier analysis is that in the 2019 section of Turnabout Succession, Klavier does have a good view of Kristoph and even seems to look up to him. He takes Kristoph at his word that Phoenix is going to present forged evidence despite (by 24 year old Klavier's account) finding it weird even then, and keeps him anonymous when he brings up the fact that Phoenix presented forged evidence. Another thing I mentioned in the aforementioned Klavier analysis is that based on Klavier's behavior, he didn't realize Kristoph was manipulating him until sometime after the 2019 section of Turnabout Succession. Something made Klavier realize he was being manipulated. Could be age or that Kristoph did something that made Klavier realize Kristoph was a piece of shit, but no matter what it was, something happened that made Klavier's view of Kristoph shift.
Kristoph & Phoenix
Kristoph and Phoenix are also really interesting to me because Kristoph's end of their friendship is fueled by paranoia, and Phoenix's side is fueled by a desire to keep Kristoph close and basically investigate him. It's toxic on both their ends, and that makes it really interesting. Their dynamic also has a really good example of "Kristoph will lash out if someone even minutely slights him" in both Phoenix's trial and Vera's.
During Phoenix's trial, Kristoph gets so upset over the trial even slightly alluding to the potential for him being present to kill Shadi that the judge has to remind him that Phoenix is his client. Phoenix is also so determined to get Kristoph caught that he forges evidence (technically twice) and revamps the entire justice system (and this was exclusively to get Kristoph caught). They're both incredibly petty with each other. I'm not really sure what to add here, they're just so toxic they should come with a radiation warning.
Kristoph & Apollo
Apollo looks up to Kristoph. Kristoph uses this to his advantage during Phoenix's trial, using the fact that Apollo is loyal to and looks up to both Kristoph and Phoenix to emotionally manipulate him. He then probably tries to use "You would betray me, your teacher?" to further manipulate him, but Apollo's desire to find the truth overrides his loyalty to Kristoph (something Apollo literally tells Kristoph).
Kristoph has one final instance of trying to emotionally manipulate Apollo; he gets Klavier to the point where he essentially shuts down then blames Klavier shutting down on Apollo. This doesn't work of course, and Apollo bulldozes on through anyway.
In general I think we can come to a pretty solid conclusion that Kristoph will either manipulate and gaslight people to get what he wants or stalks them out of an intense paranoia that's directly related to how he sees himself as a result of the NPD he didn't get treatment for. Instead of coping with things like a normal fucking person, he resorts to both physical and psychological violence and stalking.
Part 5: Conclusion
So here we are. Almost 3k words later. I do not want the takeaway from this to be "Kristoph's a manipulative, violent asshole because he's a narcissist" and if that's your takeaway you need to rethink literally everything I said here. The fact that Kristoph could be diagnosed with NPD has nothing to do with him choosing violence. NPD has nothing to do with him choosing to stalk everyone involved with Zak's trial instead of getting help for his paranoia. I want that to be perfectly clear. The thing with NPD is it can be hard for the person suffering from it to realize they have it and subsequently get help for it. Kristoph's problem isn't exactly that he has NPD. It's that he never got help for the thinking patterns the NPD caused. Had he gotten help I don't think he would've ended up stalking and murdering people. He'd still have NPD, but he wouldn't be near as fucked up.
It's why Klavier and Kristoph are so interesting as characters. Klavier has narcissistic traits but he evidently got help for them, as he's nowhere near as egotistical at 24 as he was when he was 17, although he does start exhibiting those traits again under high stress situations. He's still not completely okay mentally (otherwise he wouldn't regress like that), but he's also better than Kristoph at managing his symptoms when they do show up. Kristoph doesn't even try to get help for his symptoms, which leads to his downfall. Had he gotten help for his narcissism, he might've ended up a bit more like Klavier.
I hope Ace Attorney's prison system has a proper therapy program. I hope Kristoph's able to get help when and if he decides he wants it, because I am personally of the belief that everyone deserves help if they want it, and Kristoph's no different. I don't think he deserves to have Phoenix, Apollo, or Klavier back in his life, and I wouldn't blame any of them for never talking to him again, but that doesn't mean I don't think Kristoph deserves help. He would just have to realize he has a problem first, which I doubt happened soon after Apollo Justice and I'd frankly be surprised if it ever happens. But I hope the offer for help is there if he decides he wants it.
So why is Kristoph Like That? Untreated mental health issues that he's implied to realize is a problem.
*Again, please do not act like I'm saying Kristoph having NPD is an excuse for his actions. He chose not to get help. He chose to stalk people. He chose to kill people. Him having NPD isn't an excuse for that. My goal here was simply to answer "Why is Kristoph Gavin like that?" Do not misconstrue my intentions here or what I'm saying. Kristoph's NPD isn't what drove him to do what he did. Him choosing to embrace symptoms that hurt people did.
#ace attorney#kristoph gavin#ace attorney analysis#character analysis#apollo justice ace attorney#apollo justice spoilers#aa4#aa4 spoilers#tw stalking#tw manipulation#tw murder#tw abuse#is it obvious that i'm super nervous to post this because i said kristoph has npd#anyway be civil please#ALSO i very much think kristoph is a good example of what can happen when you dont get help for severe mental health issues#hell im experiencing it myself (although not anywhere close to the same degree as kristoph)#i have what im pretty sure is borderline personality disorder (ironically realized because of klavier)#but im not in a position where getting help is easy which is not making my life any easier#i didn't even realize it was a massive problem until i did research on what splitting looks like for a fanfiction. at which point i was lik#“huh. this sounds INCREDIBLY similar to experiences i've had. maybe i should get help for this”#take this as your cue to be like me and get help for your mental health conditions. you will (probably. hopefully) not regret it
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Welcome to my John Tracy RP Blog!
Chances are, you've caught me mid-rescue operation, but EOS is filtering and compiling questions on my behalf so that when I have a moment I can respond.
Please send me questions about physics, space, life on TB5, and whatever nerdiness your heart desires!
[Info and Disclaimers] [Tags]
Open to interaction with canon character RP blogs and non-RP blogs.
Check in with me by DM over on @tracybirds if you want to interact via an original character RP blog first :)
I see my friends, you get ONE question about TB5's orbit. Once I've struck this through, I'm ignoring the rest lol <3
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Speaking of including characters ! Since my AU is still being developed (And I've decided to split my AU into two different plots lines) I have a lot of room to work with the characters on Cybertron; feel free to suggest some canon TF characters-- I can't promise anything though so please keep your expectations to a minimum, I am simply one person and I do this for fun !
please read the form disclaimers thank u !
#You put their fate in my sinister hands#also I forget characters a lot of the time because my head is always full and this will help me remember characters that exist lol#forgive me and my half baked AU#I'm still assembling ingredients#im nervous about posting this lmao
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what if they stopped fighting and held hands. i think it would be pretty neat myself.
linework under the cut
(eta: not intentional but i actually love how ruined the image quality is on the meme version. it's so unbelievably crunchy)
#transformers#megatron#optimus prime#megop#transformers idw#my art#post#tf#i'm nervous to post this also but my last tf art did really well so. hehe.#fun fact this is like the 2nd piece of mecha art i ever drew#i showed it to a couple of my coworkers and they were like ''why are they holding hands'' and i realized id forgotten#that megatron and optimus prime are supposed to be like. enemies. and not homoerotic rivals#my heart dropped into my stomach i was like oh my god they kissed in my mind not on the tv. help help help help
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guess who's still thinking about Lucifer >.<
anyways thought it'd be fun, given my previous post about his dissociation with conversations, to try and guess what his takeaways were from his phone call with Charlie based on his reactions
Maybe I'm wrong about what he's catching and what he's missing but either way I had fun
strike through= what he missed bold=what he caught neither bold nor strikethrough= he might've heard it/made it out through the white noise, but not enough to connect the dots RED= only heaven is in red cuz you cannot convince me otherwise that that's not a trigger word for him
Idk thought it’d be fun to try and guess what Lucifer is ACTUALLY hearing with his dissociation filter on let's GO
Lucifer: [insert absolute fail of hello]
Charlie: Hi Dad! Lucifer: Hey! How are ya? Oh! Wh-wh-where are you these days? Charlie: You know where I am, Dad… I’ve told you before…
Lucifer: You hAve? Oh. yeah Uh, erm well I um uh
Charlie: I told you when you called me five months ago! Or did you not listen?
Lucifer: No no no just forgot! I just forgot. I’ve been really busy with you know… um. iMpOrTanT tHiNgS
Charlie: Well I’m actually running a hotel to rehabilitate sinners, maybe you saw our commercial?
Lucifer: No? Sadly I… missed it! Lucifer: You know I haven’t been watching much TV lately! Scrambles the brain! Lucifer: but hey! A hotel! Fun!
Charlie: Listen, Dad, I’ve got kinda… a big ask?
Lucifer: -spit take- Yeah?! Of course! Anything in my power is yours for the asking you just name it
Charlie: I need to speak to heaven! Well, whoever’s in charge up there above Adam above anybody, I need to go to the top!
Lucifer: NO Lucifer: no no no no Lucifer: That’s uhahah no…
Charlie: Look! Dad! I don’t ask you for much. I never have, but this-this is really important to me. It’s the most important thing I’ve ever done and I… need… you… I need your help
Lucifer: I-... I don’t know Charlie
Charlie: Please just- Come see what I’m trying to do. You’ll see why it’s a really good idea and heaven is bound to agree if I get the chance to talk to them
Charlie: Please dad
Lucifer: wait… you’re… INVITING ME OVER??? Lucifer: ABSOLUTELY Lucifer: I’LL BE THERE IN AN HOUR
___
so yeah, he can semi follow along but like crucial bits and pieces ARE being left out
#lucifer#lucifer morningstar#hazbin hotel#dialogue#dissociation#this has been on my mind since the episode aired tbh#I think in the notes of my last post (I am not finding it for the life of me ;-; If I do I'll do an edit and credit them)#someone was talking about how this could also be nervousness as well#and you know what#yeah absolutely true#nervous about talking to his daughter#and the dissociation absolutely doesn't help#so nervous about navigating a conversation too#I do not think I'll do the whole episode#I really just wanted to explore the phonecall tbh#but legit I'm convinced when Charlie introduced Vaggie#all he heard was “-aggie!” and just defaulted to the only name he could think of that ended like that#tbh he's probably missing chunks of words and has to figure out what the word was based off of prefixes/suffixes#cuz that clearly happened with Vaggie#but it's already a challenge to piece together what he DID hear and what he didn't hear#so imma leave it at this#lowkey this is giving me loads of writing ideas for my own stuff
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*flips through book* hmm, so which disorder is causing reality distortions today?
#i think I'm actually losing it. nothing helps anymore it just makes me more nervous. my heart beats to hard and fast i feel like I'll faint#whats wrong anymore? why am i upset? just give me something to fix damnit#sad thoughts#vent blog#sad blogging#vent#vent post#venting#actually mentally ill#actually traumatized#personal vent#actually obsessive#bpd#bpd thoughts#bpd feels#bpd vent
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ATTENDING A WINTER BALL twelve days of selfshipmas ✧ day eleven ✧ tartaglia x zebra
getting ready together, intertwined hands, glittering strands of crystals, dance after dance in the center of the ballroom, chatting with everyone, stealing moments in a secluded corner, long kisses under the fireworks.
tartaglia: let's take a break, sweetheart. i'm getting tired.
zebra: oh please, i know you're not tired. but thank you; even with these flats my feet are hurting a bit.
tartaglia: yeah, i could tell. let's find a place to sit in the other room—i know some people are dying to talk to you.
zebra: you've introduced me to so many people tonight! i'm convinced you know all of snezhnaya.
tartaglia: well when i have such a gorgeous woman in my arms, i have to show her off to the entire nation, don't i?
#i couldn't help making a second post for this prompt but this time with ajax hehehe#i'd be so nervous about dancing with this man but as soon as he pulls me onto the dance floor and he starts twirling around i'm having the#time of my life#also. i couldn't put this in the blurb but. he's kissing the inside of my wrist a lot tonight#and when we're in a dark corner i'm. i'm kissing his jaw and his neck he smells SO good kladsjfakldjsfkajsdfaklsdjfaksdf <- dies#i meet sooooo many people that night#ajax really enjoys showing me off akdslfjaksdfj and he barely takes his eyes off me even when introducing me to people#sigh. i could keep thinking about this#12 days of selfshipmas#event: 12 days of selfshipmas#misc: selfships#selfship: tartagzea
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505 live at bbc studios, 2010 (x)
#minnie this is your fault#i cannot get over this performance of 505 even a tiny bit#he’s SO nervous and yet he just pours his whole heart into it anyway#i mean#the fidgeting and the trembling hands and the fixing his hair??#the way he's still wearing his bbc visitors badge even though no one else in the band is anymore???#i'm inconsolable#and do not even SPEAK to me about when he misses the mic because he's so busy focusing on getting the words right#this whole performance just makes my heart ache with how much love i have for him 🥺#alex turner#alex gifs#humbug era#arctic monkeys#lulu posts#my gifs#also help why has this just been sitting in my drafts for days 🤦🏻♀️
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a bunny hybrid wouldn't have a gag reflex, do with this what you will
I'm sure lion hybrid Jing Yuan would know exactly what to do with this information at least
#just saying that I think he'd thoroughly enjoy getting his little bunny to suck on his fingers#oh and the obvious “he's a well endowed man” so uhhhh#i'm sure he'll absolutely love having someone who can take him all the way - especially knowing it's not that unpleasant to you#*sweats nervously while looking back and forth*#cw: hybrids#cw: nsft#cw: oral#diluc would probably be a lot more reserved about letting you; he always gets a little nervous and flustered and afraid that you're just#pushing through for his sake#still- he can't help but whimper softly and bite his fist when you take the last inch into your mouth#don't be fooled into thinking that this post is an ill placed landmine
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does me being a scientist make my sluttyness on here hotter?
#bunny rambles#i love science and writing that post was really nice and like I'm happy it's helping ppl unclench and stuff but also yk.#im so insecure about being intimidating or a know it all that I usually shoot myself down instead of commenting on things so im feeling#a little activated on the insecurity front and i wanna be silly about it cause I've been sitting in my anxiety for a minute#im glad that like. people are being really nice and some are affirming that their doctors have said what I said#makes me feel less nervous that im just saying completely garbage 😭🩷#(i know this is very unhealthy thinking I'm working on it actively in therapy I just. ahhhh. too much thoughts in my head and no energy for#a 1:1 conversation still so word vomits barely anyone will read it is 🫡 im gonna take a hit and go wash some dishes now bye bye if u read#this uhhhhhhhhh ily kisses 🩷 ahdkfkshdjf)#also “being a scientist” feels like such a fake phrase but also I've been out of college for a few years and have been working as a research#tech for 4 years and I'm working on a solo project (i cant wait to go back to work genuinely) and stuff so i guess it's true#its just so weeiiird calling myself one ahdjsksjdjdk
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❤️ Despite everything, it's still you ❤️
#had to make the image smaller whoof#undertale#undertale fanart#this is actually a re-draw of a very old draw! mettaton wasnt even in the first one whoops#papyton#papyton is so canon i swear#also alphys is looking at undyne..................#honestly i havent been so anxious to post a draw in a while... i'm nervous! does it look okay?! help! waa!
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quickly scribbled smth for a fic i wrote :) everyone read it its about romance positive aroace argenti
#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr argenti#argenti#argenti hsr#boothill#hsr boothill#boothill hsr#argenthill#clai's art#ignore that the fic is anon but i'm posting abt it openly i got nervous abt putting it under my a03 acc for literally no reason BJDBFHFB#maybe one day i'll unanon it and the other hsr fic i have up there so its all under my name properly#anyway. very special fic to me bc i basically just took all my own experiences and slapped it directly onto argenti#really happy that people commented saying it helped them understand the whole concept of being romance pos aroace :')#thats almost entirely why i wrote the fic i wanted this scenario out there
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.
#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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