#hello joseph. yes. you are a prisoner. in my prison. for a crime that was horrific. how about you be in charge tho?

[shalom-iamcominghome]

I'm sorry, but when we read from the torah this week, it's just... I'm sorry, it was hilarious in a way. Imagine being a slave and entrusted with Everything then being in PRISON and then entrusted with All The Prisoners (You Are Also A Prisoner). Obviously, it would always have turned out that this would happen to joseph but I'm just imagining how that would have played out

[mantra4ia]

Hello Bad Guys: Top tier Lucifer ‘villains’ s.1-4

August 5, 2020

One of Lucifer’s main weaknesses as a show is the episodic “cop procedural” not giving us a very long time to stew with the antagonists and really appreciate their villainy enough whether we love to hate them outright, or we really torn by their evil doing because the characters are layered. That being said, there are a few rare exceptions that add just the right amount of darkness to balance the devilish shenanigans of the show, to give depth to the stakes. I very much hope that we get more antagonist complexity in season 5. Villains are interesting in comic narratives and should be treated with care.

Lucifer: Tom Ellis delivers a masterful performance whether he’s being Saint Lucifer, or going on a truly vengeful bender. Although Lucifer is the central protagonist, when the show explores Lucifer at his darkest or most desperate, we get to see him at his most antagonistic. Two of the most recent examples are his against the Tiernan family in “Devil is as Devil does” when he breaks McCaffrey’s back and against his own brother Amenadiel when he lashes out at him trying to start fights. His one monologue against Amenadiel where he compares him to a masochist soul in hell - his “pointless existence...reminds me of you”- is still one of the most painful parts of the show to watch, like powerlessly watching a car wreck. That’s one of the reasons I am looking forward to him portraying Michael in s5, because not only will we get to see Mike brewing and developing hopefully long term over the whole season to get to know him, but Tom is so gifted at those chaotic nuances.

Malcolm played by Kevin Rankin: Celestials and supernaturals haven’t been the biggest baddies on Lucifer, which is good. I think Malcolm is so great as an antagonist because his character is 100% human, a corrupt cop (making Chloe vigilant about more corruption in the department), which grounds the show in reality despite other fantastical elements and shows how the scariest evil isn’t cosmic as much as the depth of depravity when people are consumed by greed. And when he comes back to life hell hungry / crazy as a fox, it’s legitimately scary because he’s unpredictable.

Maze played by Leslie Ann-Brandt: Again, although she is technically a protagonist, when Mazikeen is hellbent she is ferocious. Case and point when she teams up with Marcus, tortures Lucifer, and hurts Trixie. It’s hard to watch her spiral, but she does it spectacularly.

the decoy Sinnerman, Marcus’ associate played by Kevin Carroll. I believed he was menacing and committed to a life of crime, dude stabbed his own eye’s out with a  pencil. I wish I got that intensity from Cain.

Mum / the Goddess played by Tricia Helfer: this character illustrates well, even as a larger than life cosmic entity, that you don’t have too be malicious or overtly intimidating to be an entertaining bad guy, just have a very clear motivation of what you want, misguided intentions, and a ruthless kind of tenacity to let nothing and no one stand in your way.

Perry Smith the prison warden played by Alex Fernandez: great bio (again, corruption in the prison system is both insidious and relevant) just not a very long arc.

Jacob Tiernan played by Jere Burns: I just love Jere Burns and I think that every actor from Justified should make an appearance on the show. Can you imagine? In all seriousness though, that human trafficking plot was hella grim. I wish we could have had a few more multi-ep arcs like that. 

Oscar Rivas, the zealot from Los Xs played by Joseph Melendez: Jason Ning knows how write all the dark episodes! Season 4 “O, Ye of Little Faith ” sees Rivas go out by impaling himself on a stake. As far as murderous bad guy goes, literally nailed the dismount with insidious gore. The only disappointment was that this guy was a pawn of Father Kinley.

Honorable mention:

Nick Hoffman the paparazzo played be Jeremy Davies: I know he’s not a true villain as much as a painful antagonist from Chloe’s past, but I love his reckoning in her backstory. Did I mention how everyone on Justified should be on this show? Walton Goggins, pleeeasse be next.

Underwhelming baddies:

Amenadiel played by DB Woodside: before he became part of the Heavenly bros protagonists, I had really high hoping in season 1 that we would get more of Amenadiel as an enemy. We get great brotherly conflict from him to be sure, but apart from his first confrontation with Luci where he literally goes for the throat and the wing burning beach scene, there’s never a defining moment where we just get to hate him or say “Woah, that’s scary.” He’s just too charming to be worthy of that pilot line “I look forward to eating your heart one day” which was a stellar set up by the way. Which is why I love Amenadiel as a character, not as a baddie.  

Uriel played by Michael Imperioli: I love Uriel, his power, his cleverness. I don’t think he was ever meant to be a conventional a bad guy. That’s not my disappointment. The underwhelming piece was that he was a 2-part setpiece for Lucifer’s character development (once in the flesh, once in the hellscape) rather than fully formed character

Father Kinley / Dromos the demon played by Graham McTavish: same problem I have with Cain (below). Father Kinley and Dromos are treated more as obstacles than threats. Granted, Dromos possessing Kinley is creepy, but not threatening although he’s meant to be ‘evil.’ Now Walton Goggins, he would have been a very scary vatican priest.

Lt. Marcus Pierce / Cain played by Tom Welling: Cain is an underwhelming big bad for me, specifically because we don’t get into the gritty of his past, just a lot of exposition that says but doesn’t show which makes it hard to connect the dots between tormented eternal, crime lord, and occasional straight arrow. It would be nice to get a sense of what triggers him to reinvent himself and what drives him to toe one side of the moral line or the other. We do get a flashback of him with the LAPD, but that’s when he’s on the right side of the law. I believe the motive that he wants to die, but the torture and mental instability of age that would lead into something menacing doesn’t translate on screen, just sad and bored Cain - therefore I don’t really believe him as an underground crime boss. Which is a shame, because I like Tom Welling, I enjoyed Marcus’ relationships with both Lucifer and Chloe, even the dynamic where he tries to use Chloe as a means to an end and has a change of heart. However, I never got the sense that the season arc knew where it was going with his villainy, and his descent back into crime near the end felt very unearned.

*21 Days of Lucifer Countdown: Here’s looking forward to the season 5 villains/antagonists. I cannot wait to meet Michael.*

[post-itpenny]

Smile

@clownsgobeepbeep a meeting in the Mafia AU.

Two figures, one tall  and one short, entered a glamorous hotel. The short one sitting down on a couch in the lobby while the other requested to meet with the owner.

Coralline D’Vitt was surprised to receive a messenger from the Blackwoods but the cheerful man that walked into her office did not appear all that threatening.

“I really appreciate you allowing me to come pass on my message Miss D’Vitt. My name is Joseph Étoile and I’m here on behalf of my employers the Blackwood Family.”

It seemed too early to be that pleasant but Coralline supposed there were worse things to deal with at such an hour. “Good morning Mr. Étoile, may I ask why the Blackwood’s decided to start business so early in the morning?”

Joseph seemed rather nervous now. “Well to be specific I came at the request of Vespers Blackwood. He assumes you would have seen yesterday’s news.”

“The prison break? Yes however it is no concern of mine. Should trouble come this way my people will deal with it.”

Joseph nodded. “That’s actually what Vespers wanted to hear. He wanted me to ask if those two women come around here if you would be so kind as to shoot them on sight. Vespers has his own men looking for them as we speak.”

Coralline arched an eyebrow, “as do the entire police force. What has Vespers need in being a vigilante?”

Joseph frowned. “You don’t know do you? Who those two are?”

In the lobby of the hotel a young boy sat, quietly reading as he waited on his father. He had rules to follow, rule number one was don’t talk about family business. Number two was be polite. So when he spied a pair of eyes watching him from a corner of the lobby he politely ignored them. It was still polite in his book.

But then in was several eyes and he could not ignore the stairing any longer. He looked up to see a girl his age with several boys standing behind her. Atlas waved only to watch the other children suddenly pretend to be interested in something else. At this point his father returned with a blond woman whom the shield ten immediately crowned around as Atlas himself went to his father.

“Thank you again for your understanding Miss D’Vitt, if you don’t mind my asking are these your children?”

Coralline smiled, “why yes and I take this is yours?”

Joseph nodded proudly as he ruffled Atlas’ hair. “Yes this is my Atlas. Be polite son and say hello.”

Atlas bobbed his head, “good morning. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Well it’s nice to meet you too Atlas,” Coraline greeted. “I see you have a book with you, may I ask what you’re reading?”

With this Atlas brightened, “Sherlock Holmes ma’am! He’s so cool and really smart in the way he solves crimes. It’s really different from what my cousin’s do-“

Joseph cleared his throat, Atlas catching the hint and trying to cover his mistake. “I-I mean that my cousin’s jobs aren’t nearly as cool. But Sherlock isn’t as cool as my grandfather who’s and archeologist. Also Frankenstein, his monster that is, that’s my favorite book.”

Coralline blinked in surprise, catching Atlas’ slip up and looking between father and son in curiosity. So Joseph’s son knew what his family did? Why would they do that?”

“Hi I’m Atlas,” the young boy greeted the children who hid behind Coralline. The little girl gave a shy wave but that was all, eyeing the book as she did so.

Atlas noticed this and his smile grew, “do you like to read too? What’s your favorite?”

The little girl shyly mumbled Alice, looking to her mother for security.

“Alice in Wonderland?” Atlas asked with a nod. “That’s a good one, my favorite character is the white rabbit. But I also like the Jabberwocky poem.”

With this the girl smiled, Atlas did as well. Not out of politeness but more of a genuine smile.

[aeranethwrites]

To all the new followers and people who liked/read my superbat drabble: You are awesome <3

Anyway, have a continuation? I’m a sucker for reactions

“Clark Joseph Kent, I cannot believe you bothered to show up to work!!”

“Um. H-Hi, Lois.”

“Gah!! I could just-!” While Lois pantomimed strangling the soul right out of his body, Clark adjusted his glasses and tried to not listen too much to the whispering.

Who was he kidding, he was both ‘curious and obscenely nosy’, as Bruce liked to put it.

“Braver than he looks, if that’s real-”

“Actually sleeping with Batman, holy shit-”

“How did Batman pick that up? I’m surprised Clark didn’t faint at the sight of the Bat.”

“-cannot believe we spent all these years one cubicle from each other, and you have the audacity to keep something like this from me- hello? Clark?!” Lois snapped her fingers impatiently, and Clark blinked several times.

“Sorry. Spaced out.” Lois pinched the bridge of her nose. She breathed very slowly.

“Smallville,” she growled. “You have one- just one- chance to tell me that this was a hoax. That Jimmy saw something completely fake, that some other weirdo in a bat costume was hanging out on the rooftop, and you gave him the friendliest hug on this side of the Atlantic.” The whole floor was quiet, everyone holding their breaths. While also trying very hard to pretend they weren’t listening.

Clark sighed very quietly. “It’s my fault,” he admitted. Lois sucked in a breath- “If I was going to kiss my boyfriend, I probably shouldn’t have done it on a building full of photographers.” Her jaw hung slack, and the whispers exploded back in. Then Lois snapped out of it and began shaking him back and forth, spluttering incoherently.

“Enough!!” The floor quieted. “Kent!” Perry snapped. “Office! Now!”

“Yes, sir,” Clark said meekly, gingerly squirming out of Lois’ hold. She sputtered quietly as he shuffled into the open door, eyes still huge.

Perry walked stiffly to his desk, indicating Clark sit. Clark sat, watching him pace for a few moments. After a long while, he turned around, eyes sharp.

“I almost told Jimmy to hell with that picture,” he finally said. “If that kid wasn’t so damned positive that he was the real thing. If it were anyone else, Kent- anyone, I would have thrown them out on their asses.” Clark winced.

“I wouldn’t do something like that.”

“That’s just the thing. I know you wouldn’t. You never have before, and if you were about to start, it damn well wouldn’t be with Batman. He may not do PR, but he’s still the kind of person that gets the message across.” Clark nodded absently. He really was. “Still, all exclusives aside…” The editor sighed, rubbing at his forehead. “Seriously, kid? Batman?” Clark shrugged awkwardly. “How long has this been going on?”

“... Some years, now.”

“How the hell did that happen?” I met a man in Taiwanese prison, then followed him across Asia and fell in love. Clark coughed, adjusting his glasses.

“Through Superman.”

“That’s it?”

“It’s… a long story. Essentially, through Superman.” Perry eyeballed him for a long moment, then harrumphed.

“I guess asking for an interview is too much.”

“Batman wants his privacy, and I won’t break that.”

“Uh-huh. I don’t suppose you talked with him about this mess.”

“We did.” Clark grimaced. “I think he’s more upset with himself for not noticing Jimmy sooner. But he doesn’t want me to retract anything.” Perry raised an eyebrow. Clark sighed. “He… knows my career is important to me. He respects that. Said if nothing else, exposing him as a gay superhero will be beneficial.”

“I didn’t think he cared about that sort of thing.”

“He cares a lot more than you’d think, sir. Believe me, if you knew him, you’d wonder what he ever saw in me.” Perry scoffed, leaning against his desk.

“No, I wouldn’t.” He shook his head to himself. “You’re not allowed anywhere near this story. Neither is Lois, for that matter.”

“She’s going to strangle you.”

“Probably. It’s too late to take back either way.”

“I understand. Batman does, too.”

“Good. Go find Jimmy when you can escape the mob. He’s probably still hiding in a closet and having a crisis. Like you do sometimes, only more dramatic.” Clark snorted very quietly.

“I’ll find him.”

“And- Clark,” Perry called, before Clark could go out the door. “... Be careful, kid.”

“I’m always careful.” Perry’s expression bordered scathing.

“No, you’re not.” Clark could only shrug sheepishly. He went out the door anyway. “... Batman,” Clark heard him mutter to himself. “The goddamned Batman.”

Lois peered at him over the top of their shared cubicle wall as he returned to his desk. He sighed. “Neither of us is allowed near the story,” he recited.

“What?!”

“Sorry, Lois.”

“If I could just get five minutes alone with-”

“Lois.” Clark frowned. “Please respect his privacy. He’s not a story, he’s someone that’s important to me.”

“Clark-”

“Please,” Clark repeated, softening his voice. “As a friend.” The reporter faltered, visibly wavering. Clark almost felt bad, but there was very little else that would throw Lois Lane off the scent of a good story.

“... The second you break it off, he’s mine,” Lois finally growled.

“We’re not going to break it off.”

“Oh? Long-term, then?”

“Lois.”

“Fine, fine.” Lois waved him off. “Fine.” She still didn’t leave. “... So is your boyfriend a good kisser? Just out of friendly curiosity.”

Clark sighed.

Bruce was the center of attention the moment he stepped foot on the Watchtower. He expected it, but it didn’t make it any less irritating.

The main hall immediately went quiet as he walked through. Mostly because Flash had switched off the main monitor so quickly along with the conversation dying off. He ignored it, along with the stares that followed him. Everyone was gathered around the blank screen, watching him intensely.

“... Hey, Bats!” Flash attempted. “Hey! Buddy. Pal. W-What’s happening?”

“Probably crime,” Batman replied flatly. “Where’s my monitor view?”

“Oh, that’s- that’s a bit on the fritz. There’s, uh, some weird connection that keeps popping up, best to not mess with it-” Bruce pulled a remote from his pocket and switched it back on. The show continued playing.

“-right here in Smallville, where Clark Kent was raised. How did you two know each other, Miss Suzanne?”

“Oh, you know, we’ve been best friends throughout our childhoods. That’s just how small towns are, though, you know? He’s basically my brother.”

“You dumped milk in his lap in sixth grade and called him a stupid dork.”

“Shut up, Pete!”

“Annnd back to you, Jeff!”

“The Daily Planet reporter that’s been sweeping the headlines as a topic himself, Clark Kent, has so far declined comment on his relationship with the world-famous hero Batman-” Another click and the monitor switched back to his crime watch. Bruce rolled his eyes as he went up the walkway to his station. He settled in to get some actual work done.

The League followed him to the computer.

“Sooo… on the topic,” Lantern began. “Is it true?”

“Yes.” Bruce frowned at the screen. “There’s definitely crime happening.”

“... No, Batman. We mean-”

“We mean,” Hawkgirl cut in, “that we are only curious if this ‘Clark Kent’ is spreading false rumors in an attempt to damage your public image.” Batman paused. He’d been planning on ignoring them, but the question rankled.

“And just how would me having a boyfriend damage my public image?” he challenged, bristling.

“Whoa, whoa, that’s definitely not what she meant,” Flash insisted hastily. “Not what she meant at all. Look, we just know Kent is close to Superman, and he does a lot of coverage for the Justice League. She was just asking if he might be going rogue on us.”

“What else would I mean?” Hawkgirl muttered. Green Lantern raised an eyebrow. “... Oh.”

“... No,” Brucefinally grumbled, turning away his glare. “He’s not going ‘rogue’ on us.”

“So he’s not lying?” Wonder Woman confirmed. Bruce had the feeling of being tricked, though he couldn’t say why.

“... He’s not lying.”

“Oh-ho, Bats!” Flash cheered, clapping his shoulder. “Good on you! Rooftop makeout and everything!”

“Congratulations,” J’onn offered. “He seems very nice.”

“He’s pretty cute,” Hawkgirl acknowledged. “In a dorky way. I wouldn’t have guessed that was your type.”

“So how long have you been dating?” Flash asked eagerly, leaning into his space. “Is he dating Batman, or does he know your secret identity?? How’d you guys meet? Did Superman hook you up? Wait, does Superman know about you two? I mean, I guess he knows now, but did he before?” Bruce sighed harshly.

“All of you have better things to do.”

“Yeah, but we wanna talk about you and your cute boyfriend!”

“I have a question, too,” Lantern added. “If you two were a secret, why’d you end up making out on top of the Daily Planet? You know, the building full of reporters with cameras on hand?”

“Oh, let him live a little,” Hawkgirl scoffed. “Some people like showing off.”

“Yeah, sure, but not Batman.”

“What not Batman?” Kal wondered, entering the hall. Batman felt somewhat vengeful as Lantern turned around.

“We were just asking the Bat about his voyeurism.” Kal choked for a moment.

“Excuse me??”

“What else do you call him making out with his boyfriend on a building of reporters?” Hawkgirl returned.

“W-Well, that- I mean-”

“It’s your fault,” Bruce informed him. There was a moment of silence as everyone stared between them. Kal’s mouth moved silently for a moment.

“M-Me? What did I do?”

“Suddenly he’s upset about some Watchtower gossip you shared with him. Something about supervillains constantly flirting with me and other women.” Wonder Woman’s face twitched violently. Kal coughed awkwardly as Flash and Lantern looked busy studying anything else.

“Well, I just- You know how often we talk-”

“You know he’s sensitive.”

“Yes,” Kal ground out, groaning. “Yes, I- do.”

“He took risks he wouldn’t normally and we got caught.”

“And you’re mad at me for it, I get it.”

“I’m not mad, Superman,” Bruce replied patiently. “I don’t blame either of you. You’re a weak man for gossip and he’s prone to bouts of jealousy. Do you really blame him?” Kal rolled his eyes to the heavens while Flash muffled a snort.

“No, Batman,” he intoned. “I don’t blame him. You’re a wonderful man and anyone would be lucky to have you. How can he stand not having you to himself twenty-four hours a day?” Bruce waved him off, returning to his work.

“That’ll do.”

“So you’re done?”

“For today.”

“For the month.” Bruce hmmed.

“The week.”

“Fine.”

“Then I’m going back to work.”

“So am I.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.” There was a long silence. Kal cleared his throat, then finally left. Bruce shook his head to himself as the League quietly dispersed. Flash lingered, leaning against the console.

“... You two really are close, aren’t you?”

“We’ve known each other too long,” Bruce replied. Flash chuckled.

“I guess he really did introduce you two, then? How long ago was that, anyway?”

“Why do all of you care so much about me having a relationship?” Bruce frowned at him, baffled.

“Well, it’s- I don’t know. You’re just… You’re always such a hardass. John was in the Marines and even he thinks you’re over the top.” The speedster shrugged. “It’s just nice knowing you’re human, I guess. You never seemed to notice anyone or show how much you care about things. It’s nice to know there’s a soft, squishy heart under all those layers of darkness.”

“He’s the squishy one,” Bruce denied immediately. “He’s composed of eighty-seven percent sunlight and rainbows.” Flash grinned hugely.

“Awww. And you love him just like that, don’t you?” Bruce muttered some Kryptonian swears under his breath. He hoped Kal was enjoying himself.

“... I like my privacy,” he finally said, when Flash still wouldn’t go away. “And it’s for his safety. Along with his family’s.”

“Yeah, but everyone knows he’s Superman’s BFF.”

“People like the Joker didn’t have a reason to care about that before.”

“... Point. Hey, so did Superman introduce you? Can I at least get the footnotes on that story?” Bruce held back a sigh. Still, of the rest of the League, Flash was… least suspicious. Just overly friendly. (He seemed to attract the type.)

“Superman didn’t introduce us,” he admitted at length. “We met before him.”

“Whoa- seriously??”

“It was a long time ago, we were still teenagers.” He shook his head to himself. “We had a habit of getting into trouble together, diving headfirst into mysteries. He wanted to take on the world through writing, I wanted to take on Gotham with my fists. We were together long before Superman came into the picture.”

“... You’ve known Superman for a long time,” Flash finally said. “Wow. You don’t have to answer, but have you ever considered getting married?”

“You ever consider not gossiping about the number of people that want to get into my pants?” Bruce retorted. Flash coughed awkwardly, but didn’t retreat. Bruce sighed his troubles to himself, but leaned back in his chair. He pulled off his left glove to give a lazy wave with it, flashing gold in front of the speedster.

Flash choked. Bruce slipped his glove back on. So he’d been feeling a little sentimental that morning, was all.

“Tell Wonder Woman that no, we’re not breaking it off anytime soon,” he said. “Even so, she really isn’t my type.” With that, he returned to work. He could feel Flash staring.

“... So how did you guys meet Supes, anyway?”

“It’s a long story,” Bruce answered pointedly. Flash got the hint at least, holding up his hands. He left with that, probably to gossip more.

Bruce’s handheld buzzed a moment after, and he glanced down.

Fine. You’re not sleeping on the couch tonight.

“I love you, too,” Bruce muttered in Kryptonian, rolling his eyes. He still sighed softly after a long moment, absently rubbing at the hidden ring. So, maybe it wasn’t so bad, letting the world know that Clark Kent belonged to him.

They’d deal with the consequences together.