#hell yes I will judge it based on a trailer. don’t mind if I do

[hauntedfalcon]

mmm so Cal’s piloting the Mantis, hasn’t seen Cere in a while, all the new characters are dudes, there’s no sign of Merrin, and Trilla’s not back from the dead? cool let’s jettison everything that made JFO remotely interesting and turn this into a jockfest

[yoongis-black-grilfriend]

Eddie as your Toxic RockStar Boyfriend!

As some of you may know, I have a toxic series for Jack, but after watching Stranger Things, I —couldn’t help but notice some of the toxic traits Eddie could have. Sorry for my followers that might not like him but I really wanted to write this. 

Warnings: Cursing, Toxicity, & Suggestive Content 

Summary: Headcanons of you and Eddie Munson meeting at a bar and hitting off, then later discovering the difficulties of being in a relationship with him.

You and Eddie met at a bar, that you frequently went to when he was performing his set. You were feeling yourself, slightly nodding your head to the beat, as the music was good

During a couple of songs, you would catch Eddie's eye and he would send you a small smirk, watching you from the front stage. As you sip your drink you would follow his long fingers moving from fret to fret with such ease, your mind could only imagine what else they could do…

When Eddie was finished with the last song he softly wiped the sweat from his brow while looking your beautiful figure up and down and walked over to where you sat at the bar and offered to buy you and himself a few drinks 

At first, he made you really nervous but as the conversation went on, and the alcohol effectively entered your system, you began to feel more and more comfortable with him. You were soon surprised to find out that he was still in high school

Like him, you were also 21, though you had graduated a few years back, had a real job, and we're working towards getting your own house and things like that 

But you didn't want to judge him based on that, you knew that everyone had their own problems; in fact, it’s the exact reason why you came to this place so often, so when he asked if he could see you again you said yes and gave him your number

On to the toxicity! 

It’s been 6 months since you and Eddie have made your relationship official and your friends hate him with a passion but you didn't understand why. Eddie knew why though and he was happy to see that your friendships with your friends were tearing apart.  

They were always trying to point out that he was not good enough for you and it irritated Eddie to no end. Right now you guys were in his trailer in his room laying in his bed while he sat next to you tuning his guitar. You loved to see him like this. He was at peace and you were just laying there admiring him. 

Feeling your eyes on him, Eddie turns to you with a smile. 

“Like what you see?” he asked, waiting for an answer. Nodding your head with a small smile feeling your face turn hot. “Yes, I'm sorry I can't help it,” you said, shrugging your shoulders. 

He bends down and stops right as your lips are about to touch. He says “It’s okay baby, I feel the same way about you.” You move to sit up, trying to get a better angle in order to smoothly slip your tongue into his mouth as he lets out a soft moan. The soft movements of your tongues electrify you.

Eddie retracts his lips and moves to get on top of you, attaching his lips to your neck. “Oh, Eddie” you whimpered while he started rocking his hips into your core, feeling him getting harder with each movement. 

Reaching down his waist to unbuckle his belt and pull off his pants, you feel something feather light fall onto your stomach. Initially, you think it’s his hand, but as you go to grab it you recognize the feel of a crumpled up sheet of paper that reads.

Thank you for fitting me into your tight schedule I really appreciate it (;  -Madison 

“What the fuck is this? Who is Madison?” You push him off of you and he quickly moves to the door to block you from leaving.

 “I don't know. I don’t even know where that came from” he tries to plead. “Then how the hell did it get into your front pocket? What is she even talking about “fitting her into your tight schedule”?”

“I don't know, maybe I gave her something? But that’s all, I didn’t do anything with anyone.” 

“Yeah fucking right, you're always saying that shit. Dealing with some girl that wants to sleep with you and brushing it off like you didn't try to entertain it while I wasn't there”

“You literally do the same shit. Did you forget when I caught you trying to be friends with that guy from your job when he is obviously trying to fuck you?” He continues before you can defend yourself, “You always do this, you're always accusing me of something that I didn’t do because you’re guilty about what you do with other guys while I’m not fucking there” 

Letting out a breath you nod your head, he is somewhat right. You do like the attention you get from other men but it would never go as far as them giving you their numbers. You just wanted to show Eddie that while he has girls all over him you could have guys all over you. 

You know it’s not okay but you get genuinely frustrated when girls have the audacity to flirt with him in front of you and he always tries to make it seem like it's not a big deal. So you tried to make him empathize with you, make him feel the pain and humiliation you felt. 

Wanting the fight to be over, you walk over to him and stare into his eyes. “I’m sorry for letting those guys think they had a chance. I just don’t like feeling like I'm sharing, when you're my boyfriend. I didn’t mean to accuse you but you have to see where I'm coming from. You would be livid if you found a note on me”. You say your voice is shaky because you're trying to avoid crying. 

Eddie sees this and closes the space in between you two wrapping his arms around your waist. “My love, I'm all yours. Did your friends tell you this? Did they make you feel like I’m not?” You sniffle shaking your head but he didn't like that answer. “Yes they did and you know they did. Why do you allow them to cause problems in our relationships?” 

Wrapping your arms around you plead to him “Please, let's not argue about this right now” with tears streaming on your face  

Eddie wipes the tears from your eyes using his thumbs, “You have always looked pretty when you cry.” 

If you guys want to request more Eddie content please do I have no problem writing for him! Thank you <3 

[the-other-art-blog]

My thoughts on Eternals (SPOILER ALERT!!!)

So, I really enjoyed this film!

I have to be fair and judge it for what it promised, which is a blockbuster, a Marvel film. And for that I’d give it an 8/10. Why? Well, this is a slow movie. It really takes its time, there’s lots of exposition, there are cool fight scenes but it’s a heavy movie. I myself wouldn’t rewatch it right away. And it does feel different from other MCU films. I can’t explain how, but it does.

I thought watching the trailers I knew what was gonna happen, and I got something completely different, good, but unexpected. And I think that’s what I love the most about it, but I can understand why some other people got disappointed. So I’ll list the things I really loved first:

I have to say, this is my first reaction, so I’m still in a honeymoon period with this film. Most probably I’ll start noticing issues on my second, third or further watch.

This is a movie about FAITH, in Arishem, in the Eternals, in something bigger, in humanity, in goodness.

It’s full of religious connotations, so I really liked the text at the beginning, so like the Bible!!!

The whole cosmogony!!!

The fact that mythologies are based on this characters is really smart (and the credits at the end are chef kiss).

Sprite telling them the story of Gilgamesh. If you like Greek epics, you need to read The Epic of Gilgamesh (and The Epic of Sundiata). It’s a most and you’ll realize the Bible borrowed quite a few things from there.

The Ishtar Gate!!!! 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 

The Hanging Gardens of Babylon!!! 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍

Tenochtitlan!!!!! 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍

I loved that Druig said it was a genocide, not a war. Hell yes, it’s time to call things as they really are.

The battles were really nicely done. I loved everyone’s powers and coordination.

There was this review that said that even in battle the couples were tender, and they’re so right!!!

Gilgamesh and Thena!!!!

Where do I start with these two? They were such a mature duo. I don’t think it’s established that they were a romantic couple, I saw two friends who cared deeply and loved each other. They’re old school.

Thena mourning Gilgamesh in the river broke my heart.

Honestly, Thena might be my favorite Eternal! I loved everything about her, her powers, her costume, her being Athena, her vulnerability, everything, and Angelina Jolie was superb.

Druig and Makkari!!! (Drukkari, even their ship name sounds epic!)

I loved their flirtations. 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 They’re so fun and sweet. I need more of them.

Druig was a whole surprise for me. From the trailers I thought he was gonna be the bad guy, controlling the minds of people to do bad stuff. And still, making them zombies was awful, but he wasn’t the villain. The actor has this face that can go from scary to the sweetest thing possible.

Sersi and Ikaris

“I’m yours, if you’ll have me” 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 

the sex scene was really nice. And yes, its the first sex scene in the MCU, as in two people loving each other, consummating their love. Tony Stark was just fucking and he rolls off the bed.

That scene in the end when he stands before her and looks like he’s gonna shut his eye lasers was great because it looks like he will do it a couple of times.

Since he never related to humanity, he still had faith in Arishem and he was blinded by it. So yes, he is kind of the “villain” but it’s different cause he’s not getting anything out of it. On the contrary, he would forget Sersi and go to another planet. He just thought it was his duty.

Was his “death” too on the nose? Yes, it was so cheesy but I think he had a crisis of faith. All that time, he thought he was doing the right thing, and then everyone including Sersi turns against him, stop the emergence. His mind must have been collapsing. What’s left when everything you believed in falls apart?

I don’t think he’s death though.

Phastos’s family!!!!!

Is it good representation? IMO, it is a good start. I do have to applaud Disney for refusing to cut the kiss scene. It would have been too hypocrite to cut it.

The kiss scene was so sweet, it broke my heart. Plus they used the song from the 1st trailer and I’ve been listening to that song for months. I loved it!!! 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍

But I love that the model of family that we got here is his family. The Eternals are a big family, but I mean in a more “conventional” way. When he says that he’s fighting for his family, or something like that I thought he’s kind of the Hawkeye in AOU here, in the sense that his family gives perspective to the Eternals. Cause they all talk about humanity like a mass, and Sersi does have Dane, but it’s Ben and Jack that really ground the story and the consequences. This humanity is composed of individuals! Does that make sense?

The only thing that got me thinking is that he’s gonna watch his son died, eventually. He’s gonna life forever but his child and husband are mortals. It’s too painful. Parents shouldn’t watch their children die.

Dane was way too chill about the Eternals? I don’t know, I suppose in a world where half of the population disappeared when a purple alien with 6 magic stones snapped his fingers, then a group of immortal beings are not that rare anymore. Like he was asking if she was like Doctor Strange.

Kingo’s assistant was also too chill about the fact that Earth was gonna end. Like why didn’t he try to convince them to fight? Why wasn’t he angry? He just accepted it.

The thing with Sprite was a bit weird, why can’t she just love Ikaris as an older brother? but she also broke my heart. When she asked Kingo why Arishem made her like that 😢 😢 😢 Yeah, why did he made her like that?

Kingo was hilarious.

I loved the Bollywood scene.

The soundtrack is epic! Ramin Djawadi did it again!

The plot twists really got me.

Can’t believe they kill Salma like five minutes in, but at least the flashbacks gave her more screen time.

So... turns out everyone hated Ikaris and couldn’t wait to kick his ass!!! Amazing! He does have the biggest ego, he deserved it! I suppose everyone tolerated him because he’s part of the team and because of Sersi? Makkari gave him hell and it was awesome!

Harry Styles as Eros is perfect casting! Kudos to Marvel

A prince, a lover, his superpower is controlling pleasure! It’s just perfect.

I think this shows the MCU is serious about their LGTB+ representation. I don’t care about his actual orientation, that’s his life, but he does wave the rainbow flag in his concerts. Even if he’s an ally, it would be stupid to cast him and not exploiting that aspect of him.

Maybe the character would be bisexual. Loki promised us that and it ended up having us the weirdest thing ever where two versions of one person fall for each other? How did Marvel went there before a gay kiss?

I totally forgot he was British!

I also liked that everyone kept their accents. I saw some critics complaining about it, they’re idiots.

So, yeah. I really liked this film. I think the good outweigh the opportunities missed like this ones:

It’s never established that Salma has any relation to Mesoamerican cultures, so she didn’t take it personal when they were in Tenochtitlan.I remember when she was first cast someone mentioned something about being an Mexica deity? Guess they drop that out.

But it would have been interesting to go beyond wars to explain humanity’s cruelty.

What about a mention that Phastos can’t go to America in the 18h century cause he’d be taken as a slave? Or to see his reaction to the way people with the same skin color as his are enslaved. I think he and his family lived in America, so saying that a hundred years ago, he wouldn’t be able to have this family might have been good.

But again, this post comes after my FIRST time watching it.

[thiswasinevitableid]

winter promts: 100 with ot4!! (mayb 2 double beds so they have room yknow)

I went with fluff rather than smut with this one, so there are references to sex but the fic is SFW. For context, Stern in this universe has a lot of anxiety around belonging somewhere.

100 from this list: The b&b we’re at asked if we wouldn’t mind sharing a room since we know each other and this snow storm has brought in some unexpected guests...one bed...three nights...

“I’m so sorry, sir.” The harried looking young woman behind the desk looks between Stern and Barclay, “between the blizzard and it already being New Years weekend, we’ve had to take in a few more people than expected.”

“So our room’s been given to someone else?” Stern puts on his professional demeanor, the one he uses to soothe tourists who’ve definitely seen something they shouldn’t

“Yes, unfortunately. The, the only room we have left is the cottage in the back. It sleeps four, but we can’t guarantee you wouldn’t have to share with another couple.”

“Uh, ‘scuse me, miss, but I think we can make that work.” Duck Newton steps around Barclay, Indrid busy looking over the many brochures on the far wall, “you see, my friend and I’d more than willing to bunk with these two, since they’re friends from back home. Assumin that’s alright with them?”

“Of course.” Stern smiles.

“Oh, thank you, thank you all for being so accommodating. And I’m sorry again about the inconvenience.”

---------------------------

“Well, that went better than expected.” Stern sets down his duffel bag on one of the two beds. 

“You’re tellin me, this is way easier than bookin the two next to each other and sneakin back and forth.”

“Yeah, had my fill of sneaking around.” Barclay adds, evaluating the small kitchen. 

“I mean, unless one of the other guests took a rather blurry photo of you, it’d be better than your previous attempts to ‘sneak’” Indrid is finally down unwrapping himself down to his sweatpants and the pink and yellow sweater Duck bought him. 

“You’re on to talk stealth, mr. my-pants-say-mothman-on-the-ass.” Barclay grabs said ass, making Indrid squeak.

“I am wearing them ironically.”

“Uh huh, sure.”

Duck, meanwhile, flops down on the bed where Stern is unpacking.

“Jesus, darlin, how many books did you bring?”

“Three. When Indrid said there’d likely be a blizzard, I assumed that would cut down on our outdoor activities. And cable is so atrocious these days.”

“So…” Duck tugs the front of his shirt, bringing him down for a kiss, “you really can’t think of another thing we’d be doin to stay out of the cold?”

“Duck, we can’t do that for three days straight.”

“You sayin you opposed to tryin?”

“I’m saying” Stern puts away the last of his clothing, “that I am a mortal man, and three days of non-stop fucking would probably kill me.”

“Hey, we’d stop some. Gotta eat, and sleep too. Probably throw in a few showers. Unless what does it for you is the smell of a bunch of sweaty dudes.”

Stern wrinkles his nose, and Duck laughs. 

“Oooh!” Indrid steps into the room, clapping his hands excitedly, “I’m going to take a bath.” He swings the bathroom door open, revealing a tub. It occurs to Stern, as the skinnier man strips down without delay, that none of them even bothered asking how Indrid knew the tub was there. 

Stern never thought he’d be around them long enough to get used to his boyfriend always being a bit ahead of him. 

He heads back into the main room of the cottage, finds Barclay unloading groceries. 

“Glad we stocked up before we left. Think trying to get the car down to that grocery store we passed would be impossible. I have had enough car-based hijinks for one lifetime, don’t need to add doing Icecapades in a Jeep to the list.”

“Car based hijinks?’

“Long story.” Barclay turns, offering his hand, “c’mon, agent, haven’t gotten to hold you nearly enough today.” The larger man stretches out on the couch, Stern laying so he’s cuddled against his chest.

A chirp-moan splashes out of the bathroom. 

“Guess Indrid’s got company.” Barclay chuckles. Another chirp, this one more of a trill, and Barclays legs shift as if he’s hiding something. Stern has a good guess as to what.

“Feeling the need to join them? I know you get wound up when Indrid makes sounds like that.” He traces a finger along the blue lines of Barclays plaid shirt. 

“Nah, not right now. Right now, kinda enjoying being all warm and cozy with the best thing to ever come out of the FBI in my arms.”

Stern snorts, kisses his chest. Let’s his mind wander like a cat searching for a sunny spot as intermittent moans continue reaching them. 

“Wait…there was a report from the 90s that I always thought was absurd. Something about Bigfoot stealing someone’s car. But the location, the timeline…”

“Uhhhh.”

“Oh my LORD, why would you steal a car?”

“Things got out of hand! Quickly.” Barclay regales him with the story, Stern doing his best to look affronted at the reckless behavior but tipping quickly into pure amusement. 

Barclay eventually coaxes Stern off of him so he can go ask the kitchen in the main B&B if they have cumin. Stern wanders into the bedroom and finds a now mothed-out Indrid falling asleep with Duck in his arms. The Sylph lifts the wing resting atop the human, an offer for Stern to join them. He does, looping his arms around Duck as the wing gently returns to its role as blanket. 

“You know” Indrid murmurs, “one of these days I ought to make you all moth disguises, just so I can see what all the fuss is about.”

“That could be a fascinating exercise.” Stern whispers.

“Hell yeah.” Duck wiggles in Sterns embrace “Mothman cuddles.”

--------------------------------------------------

Stern wakes up alone, though someone has thoughtfully draped a blanket over him. As he rouses, voices drift in from the living room. 

“Do you think he knows?”

“Judging by the futures, no.”

“Please tell me we’re tellin him soon. If I end up havin to try to lie about this it’s gonna go bad.”

Hmmmm, that is not the kind of conversation one wants to overhear their boyfriends having in hushed tones. 

He yawns exaggeratedly, assuming that will bring a hush over the trio. 

Instead, it brings a certain ranger right on top of him. Duck kisses him, smiling as he does, and all Sterns worries evaporate. 

“Perfect timin’, darlin, dinner’s almost ready.” 

“I’d love to join you all, but it appears I’m being attacked by a bear.” He smirks. Duck growls playfully, bending down to drag a rough kiss up his neck. Stern retaliates by placing a hickey on the first exposed patch of skin he sees. 

“You two are welcome to continue in that direction, but be warned I will eat any cheesecake not claimed in the next five minutes.”

“Indrid, that’s for dessert!”

“I reject such arbitrary notions of EEEEEEEP”

“Come on” Stern sits up, Duck coming with him, “let’s go make sure Indrids glasses don’t come off from Barclay throwing him over his shoulder. Again.”

----------------------------------------------------------

“The methodology in this show is truly abhorrent.” Stern rests his head on Ducks belly, the two watching one of the dozen ghost hunting shows airing on the Discovery Channel.

“No kiddin’. Also, these fellas startle so easy they’re doin a better job scarin themselves than any ghost could.”

Duck strokes his hair and he sighs, nuzzles at the slip of skin that’s showing between his boxers and white t-shirt. The boxers only went back on about ten minutes prior, as Stern had been seized with a desperate need to unhurriedly and lovingly suck his boyfriend off, fingers teasing and squeezing the thighs he so adores. 

The front door creaks open and whines closed, Barclay and Indrid walking in arm in arm. 

“Did you have a nice walk?”

“Indeed.” Indrid’s face is school-girl shy. 

“You’re blushin, ‘Drid.” Duck teases, before sitting up so animatedly that Sterns rolls to land facedown in his lap with an “oof.” 

“Holy shit, Barclay, did you work some kind of magic shit to make him willin’ to have sex in the snow? Because that’s fuckin impressive.”

“No, I am merely feeling a bit nostalgic.” Indrid unzips the first of his three outer layers. 

“The first time Indrid and I met was in the middle of a really, really bad winter.” Barclay sits on the edge of the bed, rubbing Sterns legs gently as he talks, “Uh, is it gonna weird either of you out to hear this?”

“No.” Stern reaches out to squeeze Barclays hand once, before returning it to rest comfortable on Ducks knee. 

“Nope. Gotta admit, been kinda curious about it ever since you first mentioned y’all had fucked around when you were younger.”

“Well, long story short, I was in a trailer park, renting a little spot while I tried to sort shit out. One night, I kept hearing noises I recognized as being from another Sylph. And whoever was making them sounded real upset. So I trudged out in my pajamas and followed the noise to this other trailer. Poked my head in and there was Indrid, looking sad as could be. And, y’know, like a giant fucking moth.”

“I was busy feeling sorry for myself and was therefore not watching the futures. It was startling to suddenly have a human in my space. At least until you took off you, hmmm, what was it then?”

“I think it was a ring. Anyway, once we were on the same page, Indrid just kind of started, uh-”

“You can say babbling. It’s an accurate portrayal. I was lonely, I’d been having a run of bad visions, and I’d found myself more homesick than made sense.”

“Aw, ‘Drid.” Duck opens his arm and the Sylph slips under it, Barclay scooching closer as well.

“I was also, shall we say, dealing with an unexpected spike in my arousal levels, almost like a heat. So I was craving touch and connection. I must have been a sight.”

“Yeah” Barclay rumbles, “a real cute one. Little moth.”

Indrid chirrs bashfully, pressing his face into the crook of Ducks neck.

“Anyway, ended up spending the next few days together. Bumped into each other a few times after that, but nothing could ever top finding him that first night.” Barclay smiles at his fellow Sylph, who continues making charming chirrs. After a moment, Indrid lifts his glasses, smiling at the trio. It starts off sweet, moves to wicked as he finishes his question.

“As I sense that’s brought a, ah, romantic air to the evening; would anyone care to help me push the beds together?”

------------------------------------------

Stern is about to be broken up with. He can tell. 

That morning he’d awoken with Indrid still snuggled up around him, purring softly, but when he stepped into the kitchen he’s certain Duck and Barclay had switched to an innocent topic at normal volume, rather than the whispers they’d been making before. 

Later, as they’re lounging about by the little bot-bellied stove, reading (or, in Indrid’s case, drawing), he noticed the pale-haired man taking care to not let him see certain pages. 

But truly, the most damning fact is that Stern has never had a relationship last more than a year, no matter how well it seemed to be going. And no matter how much logic he applies to the situation (Duck murmuring filthy suggestions for that night into his ear, Barclay kissing him any time he walked past, Indrid pulling him into the bedroom for a vigorous bout of sex), he cant stop thinking that the end has come. Patterns are patterns, and while he knows that’s a tautology, he can’t help feeling it offers some unshakeable truth.

It’s the early evening when Barclay, coming up behind him for a hug, says, “Damn, babe, your back is all knotted up.”

“It must be from the cold.” He replies, sighing when Barclay nuzzles his cheek.

“If you need to shake the chill, I found that bath yesterday quite helpful.” Indrid lilts.

And so Stern draws himself a bath and settles in with the “champagne” scented bubble bath provided by their hosts. How very seasonal.

Maybe they won’t do it until after the all return to the lodge. That makes the most sense, as it won’t ruin anybody’s trip. If that’s the case, maybe he ought to savor this last little bit of bliss. 

He does feel a little better after the bath, though he’s now covered in a faintly sugary smell that’s far better suited to Indrid than him. He pulls on one of the fluffy robes, heads into the main room to see if dinner is ready.

“SURPRISE!”

“JESUS!” He jumps, unprepared for the sight of his boyfriends standing around the table, at the center of which sits a cake and...are those fondue pots?

Hanging on the table is a banner, obviously handmade, that reads, “Happy Anniversary.”

“Anniversary?” He looks at the others, perplexed. 

“Little delayed, on account of we thought it’d be more fun to wait and do it now. And, uh, you had to fly back to D.C the actual week.” Duck says, stifling the giggles he got from Sterns surprised outburst, “but it’s the one year anniversary of when you turned up in Kepler. Kinda. And we wanted to celebrate you comin into our lives, even if it scared the livin hell out of us--you okay, city mouse?” Duck’s face falling is the last thing Stern sees before his head collapses into his hands, his built up dread pushing out of his body in shuddery gasps. 

Barclay’s arms are around him in an instant, “Hey, babe, hey, it’s alright. We’re so fucking glad you turned up.”

“It’s, it’s not that.”

“Oh dear.” 

He glances over Barclay’s shoulder, sees Indrid coming out of a peek at the futures.

“Oh pet, did you really think all the secrecy was because we were going to leave you?”

“Wait, what?” Ducks glances at Indrid, who nods, “Joe, we’re crazy about you. Hell, Barclay was flirtin with you even when he thought you might put him in area 51 or some shit.”

“I, I know. It, it seems silly in retrospect but unfortunately my track record is a bit bleak. I once had a date I’d been seeing casually for six months sneak out the bathroom window while we were out to dinner. Never heard from him again. Another called me up the day after I got accepted into the UP and said we could never see each other again. We’d been fine two days before.”

“Yeeesh” Barclay kisses his forehead, “can see why you got jumpy.”

“Even so, I’m afraid I let my anxiety drive more than I should have. I’m sorry”

“Unnecessary apology accepted.” Indrid teases, pulling out a chair, “come, Barclay’s been having to beat me off with a stick the entire time he was making that red velvet cake and my patience is waning.”

“You didn’t mind the spatula to the ass.”

Indrid chirps, mock affronted, and Duck snickers, settling across from Indrid as Stern and Barclay take their seats. 

“Only you could manage fondue in a rental cottage.” Stern smiles fondly at the cook. 

“I’ve got like, a dozen fondue sets. Jake keeps giving them to me at the holidays. I’m not sure if it’s a joke, or if he just forgets he’s gotten me that before. This year he put Hollis’s name on it too.”

“That...explains the color palette.” Stern grabs one of the black skewers from the yellow pot. To his side he sees Indrid set his hand out on the table, Duck’s coming to rest in it automatically, as if the two were made for each other. 

“Hold up” Duck uses his free hand to lift his glass, “wanna make a toast. Here’s to makin it through the end of the world, to findin each other even if the mess of monster-huntin that was our lives and” he grins at Stern, “here’s to the fact no one could lie well enough to keep you from stayin at the lodge.”

Stern raises his glass and clinks it with the others, smiling back as he murmurs, “cheers.”

[theparanormalperiodical]

The Conjuring 3 (2020) - Plot, Cast, Trailer, And Release Date - EVERYTHING You Need To Know

We live in uncertain times.

Will Trump be impeached?

Will Boris Johnson win his electoral majority?

Will Brexit actually happen?

As we draw closer to 2020, it is safe to say that we do indeed live in uncertain times. Yet, amongst the confusion and complexity that politics has spat out at the world, there is one thing for sure:

The Conjuring 3 is going to hit theatres on September 11th 2020.

And alas, the uncertainty commences once again.

What’s it going to be about?

Who’s been cast?

When’s the trailer going to be released?

Well that’s why I’m here, Boo. I’ve compiled EVERYTHING you need to know about the 8th instalment in one of the biggest cinematic universes to date.

Today’s post is going to cover what’s been officially confirmed, the rumours swirling regarding this film, the possible plots, and the release date for the teaser trailer and official trailer release.

Settle in folks…

And let’s get spooky.

What Do We Already Know About The Conjuring 3?

As will all films, small scraps of plotlines, cast lists, and release dates have been left tangled up on the internet for us obsessives to unravel.

We know The Conjuring 3 is coming out on September 11th 2020.

We know that filming began in June and took place in Georgia.

And we know that - as with all of the Conjuring’s cinematic universe - this film is once again based on one of the real life paranormal investigations conducted by Ed and Lorraine Warren.

However, we do not know the exact investigation in question. Occasional whispers on the internet and the odd quote from those working on the film have given us hints to two possible plotlines: a werewolf, and a murder which cited possession as a defence. 

The cast list also gives us greater insight into a possible plot!

(And by insight I mean there is very little to make guesswork of.)

Once again Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmigo return to the screen as your favourite paranormal dream team, and are joined by a variety of new faces:

A younger Ed and Lorraine feature in this flick, suggesting a flashback to a previous case or perhaps a more personal reflection takes centre stage of this film.

Acting alongside them is a plethora of characters engaged in law enforcement: prison guards, inmates, judges… All of which point to a murder case which will be discussed later on in this post. 

One the other hand, 2 witches are also cited in the cast list. This instead points to the former rumoured plot that will too be explored in this post.

And finally, we know that James Wan will not be directing this flick.

The mastermind behind The Conjuring’s saga will instead help produce it, and the writer of Orphan and The Conjuring 2 will co-write the latest instalment. 

What Is The Plot Of The Conjuring 3?

In case you can’t read (if so how in the hell have you been reading this post), there are 2 rumours behind the plot of The Conjuring 3. 

But Boo, you know I got you.

I’m going to take you through every single rumour, and then explain the real paranormal backstories to the cases. 

Vera Farmigo was the first to ignite the rumours running since The Conjuring 2 hit theatres: she mentioned the third film will revolve around a werewolf. 

She then followed up this statement by saying that this concept may have been cancelled; nevertheless, the story behind this is worthy of a 2 hour movie bullet holed with jumpscares.

This is the story of the Southend Werewolf.

Just like the original Conjuring film, the story starts with an object found in the Warren’s house. Indeed, it is a book they wrote themselves - Werewolf: A Tale of Demonic Possession. 

It starts in 1952. 

A 9 year old boy, William Ramsay, suddenly felt an icy shiver take over his body, a smell like rotting meat float around him, and an aggression overcome his mind. He was shivering, he was growling, he was intune to his senses.

He had - or so he claimed - become a werewolf. 

He then finished up his transformation by ripping a fencepost out of his garden. 

Super-human strong was often reported whenever this would overcome him, confirming that all these signs bear a similarity to cases of demonic possession. 

Other events of turning into a werewolf bear similar resemblance, including him attempting to attack and kidnap a prostitute and biting doctors attempting to restrain him. After every event, Ramsay would fail to remember the attacks. 

He even checked himself into a mental hospital in an attempt to get to the bottom of his affliction in the 1980s. 

They found no explanation for these events.

And it was following these similar cases of him ‘turning’ - including one that involved the police and splashed his story across the papers - that the Warrens decided to pay him a visit whilst in London. 

They deduced that this was a Demon Animal Spirit. Having been suspicious of his claims prior to their investigation, they then claimed an exorcism was required. 

So, Ramsay was flown out to the USA, and an exorcism performed by Bishop McKenna occurred. 

At first, the exorcism did fuck all. But it was only when the bishop touched his forward and asked the demon to reveal itself that Ramsay once again began to turn. 

That was the final time that Ramsay ever became a werewolf.

And so the book was written and this chapter of his life was closed.

Oh, and at the end of Annabelle Comes Home, a werewolf like demon appears. And given The Conjuring’s love for a closely tied cinematic universe, perhaps this doggo will be returning to a theatre near you...

The next story is The Trial of Arne Cheyenne Johnson

This was the first case in US history from which demonic possession was used a defence in a murder trial. 

James Wan actually confirmed that this was the centre of the movie’s plot - but a twist is never too far up The Conjuring’s writers’ sleeves…

The story starts with the Johnson family clearing out a house they had just rented.

David - then 12 years old - claimed an old man appeared, and would physically push him and attempt to scare him in a beast-like form whilst he was not muttering Latin. 

The old man also vowed to harm the family and steal David’s soul is they stayed. 

So, just like my second year uni flat?

Alongside noises in the attic, David’s frequent night terrors, scratches and bruises on David’s body were strange behaviours which was deduced as paranormal activity.

So, a catholic priest was called and the house blessed.

Unfortunately, this provoked the activity to then worsen. 

And so they gave the Warrens a ring and waited for their verdict.

Lorraine immediately noted a black mist by David - and if that doesn’t tell you its demonic, I don’t know what will. Invisible hands beating David were also cited by family members, as well as growls, hisses, and him reciting the bible and excerpts from Paradise Lost. 

Convulsions in the night, spasms as he slept… It bears a striking similarity to The Exorcist!

Following 3 exorcisms, David went through phases of levitation, not breathing, and even demonstrated a newfound ability to predict the future. Indeed, he predicted the murder that would be at the centre of this story. 

Due to the danger David was reportedly in, Arne - his father - asked the demon to possess him, instead.

The demon agreed.

Having taken control of his car and causing him to collide with a tree, they then met once again in the rental property. Once making eye contact with the demon - something that was warned against by the Warrens - he was fully possessed.

Fit with behaviour similar to that of a possessed David, he would fall into trances, growling and hallucinating. Once they were over, he would forget they occurred.

It is here that we must note the reflection of this story in The Southend Werewolf.

(Yes, I wrote ‘airport’ first instead of werewolf.)

This would build up towards the murder of their landlord, Alan Bono. The murder that was supposedly caused by the demonic possession is a simple and short story - not to ignore the sheer brutality of it, that is.

A 9 year old relative of Arne’s had essentially been held captive by Alan Bono whilst he was heavily drunk. Johnson in an attempt to save her stabbed Bono repeatedly with a pocket knife.

Not only did he growl throughout the attack, the 5 stab wounds were so graphic that one even stretched from his stomach to the base of his heart. 

Only 24 hours later, Lorraine Warren informed the police that Johnson had been possessed throughout the event, and made the initial claims that it was the demon that caused the murder.

Arne’s legal team focused on the possible paranormal influences, attempting to involve lawyers who had fought in similar cases in the UK, and even planned to fly in exorcism specialists to encourage a not-guilty result.

They then threatened subpoenas to the priests who carried out the exorcisms is they didn’t serve to defend him.

Yet despite the attempts to clear his name, the jury didn’t accept his claims.

He was sentenced to a maximum of 20 years, and only served 5. 

This will not be the first time that this case has been replayed on a cinematic level.

What Other Cases Of The Warrens Could It Be Based On?

If there’s one thing that Mean Girls taught me, it’s that rumours should always be taken with a grain of salt.

(Oh, and that I’m a mouse, duh!)

That’s why I’ve decided to consider the other possible cases that could position themselves as the plot-line.

And no, I won’t be including the other cases that have featured in previous instalments of this series, such as Annabelle the haunted doll, nor the Perron family farmhouse, or even the Enfield Haunting.

1. The Amityville Haunting

Not only did it feature in the beginning of the second Conjuring, it’s had enough documentation in the media. From documentaries, to horror films, to Ryan Reynolds…

God, just let it die. 

By anyway: the story goes that in 1974 a man shot every single member of his family, murdering them in cold blood.

Once a new family had been moved in, they began to witness paranormal activity, suggesting the former residents - including the murderer - had been led to this violent end. So, could supernatural forces be behind the murders?

2. The Snedecker House

In 1986 a family moved into a house that was previously a crematorium. From personality changes in their son, to sexual attacks and apparitions, the Warrens concluded that this house was haunted.

In fact, they even deemed the house possessed!

However, it was discovered that the son - who was at the centre of the activity - was diagnosed with schizophrenia. And so, bound by conflicting stories and a hostile familial atmosphere, the story was sensationalised to a high degree. Claims of debunking stick close to this case.

3. The Smurl Haunting

A lesser known example of paranormal - or rather, demonic activity - the Smurls was also a family who were tormented by otherworldly forces. 

Sexual assault, shaking mattresses, people being pushed down the stairs, loud noises, bad smells and family pets being through against the wall…

Lord, it’s a messy one.

That is until the Warrens rock up! Wait, it gets worse?

Writing on mirrors telling them to get out, dark masses appearing, knocking and rapping caught on audiotape - this demon was busy.

When’s The Trailer Going To Be Released?

I hate maths.

I hate using a calculator, I hate using excel, and I hate having to add up my grocery bill in my head and consequently praying if I can afford it.

I need to budget goat’s cheese in my bank balance, okay, do you know the struggle?

But I’m gon’ be getting some good karma tonight.

I’ve done the maths, Boo. I know when the teaser trailer is coming out. And I know when the official trailer is coming out. 

I not only deduced the average industry-wide gap between trailer and theatrical release, I worked out the average gap for the Conjuring’s universe.

Pull out your calendars, lads! It’s time to schedule your life around these key dates:

The teaser trailer is out in early march.

And the official trailer will hit YouTube May 8th 2020.

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[jeaanmoreau]

Jaimsa au where Lady is still alive and quite taken with Jaime. It irritates the hell out of Sansa but Jaime loves to get a rise out of Sansa.

this was going to be super short and then I got carried away so i guess this is now part 1/????? based off the beginning of season 8 and completely ignoring the whole “we have until nightfall” part of the trailer because the army of the dead don’t help with relationship development k thx

The betrayal started like this: a paced circling of the man standing in the Winterfell Great Hall awaiting his judgment.

It mirrored the pacing Lady had done around Littlefinger, around the Umber boy and the Karstark girl and any other man or woman who presented themselves to the Lady of Winterfell.

Sansa knew that it aroused whispers, mutterings, and suspicion, how implicitly she trusted her direwolf. How quick she was to make up her mind after a bristling of her pet’s fur, a baring of her teeth, or a gentle bow of her head before she padded back to her master, back legs bending under her massive body. But Lady had instincts beyond human, and they never erred.

Jaime Lannister had his hands at his sides, jaw set, while Lady crept up towards him with a low quiet grumble – almost too low, but Sansa was acutely aware of it, and it made her breath catch in her own throat.

There was an unsettled silence in the Hall after everybody had said their piece to and about him. Northern Lords loathed him by name. The Targaryen queen had not passed his sentence because it wasn’t hers to pass, as Sansa didn’t hesitate to remind her. This was her home.

Tyrion had spoken up for his brother, but that surprised nobody. So had Lady Brienne. And then, surprising everybody, Bran. Or rather, the Three Eyed Raven.

It was painful, from time to time, how obvious it was that there was little to nothing left of her brother.

All the while, Lady stood motionless at her side, staring, watching, waiting, until silence settled once more and she was able to go inspect the newcomer. Around and around she went, with Sansa’s heart beating faster and Jaime Lannister’s shadowed green eyes staring right at her.

And then, after sniffing and sniffing, Lady’s rumbling stopped and in one swift movement she dropped down to sit and knocked her head against the man’s hand.

The silence continued to stretch, and Sansa sat up a little straighter in her seat, lips parted in surprise as she continued to hold Ser Jaime’s now slightly alarmed gaze. “Lady,” she called, voice clipped. The direwolf’s ears perked towards her, but she didn’t move.

Eyes shifted towards her, and Sansa refused to flush. This had never once happened before. It was clear that the Kingslayer had her wolf’s approval, but to stay? “Lady,” she tried again, a little more sharply, and let her hand drop down next to her to beckon her over.

It took a few seconds, as if the wolf was being stubborn about it, before she tilted her muzzle into the golden hand and stood back up to pad towards her. The embarrassment would not cripple her. Lady safely at her side once more, Sansa let her fingers bury into the soft grey fur and held her head high. “You’ll be weary from your journey, Ser Jaime. One of our servants will escort you to your rooms.”

And that was that.

–

Day turned into night, and Sansa managed to convince herself that it had been a lapse of judgment. Perhaps she’d not fed enough last night, and Lady was feeling resentful. Perhaps Jaime had picked up a wild rabbit on his way here and he had it in his pocket. Perhaps a lot of things.

Except that supper was served – not a feast, as they were being sensible with rations – and as Sansa walked into the Hall with her sister, the wolf paused for a split second before veering off towards the far end, where the golden haired man sat alone with a bowl of stew in front of him.

“Hello, again,” he greeted the wolf under his breath, lifting his good hand cautiously until Lady slid under it, tail wagging from side to side. Green eyes met blue as she approached, fingers digging into her palms at this blatantly ridiculous display of behaviour from her wolf. “Lady Sansa.”

“Ser Jaime.”

The man had a hint of a smirk playing at his lips, but he hid it carefully. “This is the friendliest direwolf I believe I’ve ever come across.”

“Isn’t she the only direwolf you’ve ever come across?” Sansa challenged, unable to help her irritated tone of voice. Just because she’d granted him a pardon, and sanctuary, didn’t mean she had to like him. “Lady, come.”

Again, the wolf didn’t move, and Jaime’s hand started slowly stroking her fur as he looked at her, glancing up at Sansa briefly before leaning back to the wolf, as if sharing a secret. “I’m treading on thin ice around here already, Lady. I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t give Lady Sansa any more reason to exile me.”

The nerve of him. Sansa had half a mind to storm off, leave the wolf wherever she wanted to stay and chalk it up to insanity. But this was Lady. Her beloved direwolf. The only one who had been with her through everything. The wolf whimpered quietly, looking up at Sansa, mouth open happily.

And Seven Hells, what was she supposed to do? Drag her off?

Composing herself, she motioned to the chair across from his at the table. “May I join you for dinner?”

It was his turn to be startled, and he stared at her with something akin to disbelief. “It would be my honour.” The words were rehearsed. Second nature. How many times had he said them in his lifetime?

There had been a time where Sansa would have swooned at the thought of sharing a meal with Jaime Lannister.

Now, he was just a man. A man without a hand and with nothing left to lose, coming to fight the army of the dead and steal her pet.

–

If Sansa had thought (or hoped) that this was a temporary obsession, then she was very much mistaken.

Days bled into nights that bled into days, each seemingly shorter than the next, and while Lady still followed her around like a trustworthy shadow, slept at the foot of her bed, and behaved beautifully, every time Jaime Lannister was in the near vicinity, she lost all common sense.

What the man had ever done to merit such unwarranted affection, Sansa did not know. But the wolf was undoubtedly under his spell. Would seek him out in a crowded room and bound over to lap at his good fingertips whenever they crossed paths. And Sansa would have to blush furiously and pretend that she wasn’t at all altered by the situation.

But oh, she was. That Lady would betray her like this! That she would unabashedly throw herself at a man she barely knew. A Lannister at that. No matter how different from his sister he appeared to be. No matter all the good things Tyrion spoke of him, or how honourable Brienne claimed he was. None of that mattered, because there were plenty of good and honourable people around, and Lady wasn’t throwing herself at them.

It seemed that it only took Jaime a few days to get comfortable with his place at Winterfell. Comfortable enough that he had stopped hiding that smirk he got whenever Lady showcased her preference in front of her. Comfortable enough that he had tossed in a, “Now you go off to bed with your mistress. I know you’d much rather come with me, but she’s much more important. Do protect her.”

To Sansa’s total and utter indignation, of course.

“Ser Jaime, if you’re quite finished buttering up my wolf, you ought to think about getting some rest. I hear your training has been difficult, and you need all the strength you can muster.”

The man had straightened up and smirked at her, a hint of the previously arrogant golden boy she assumed he had been. “Lady Sansa, are you perhaps jealous?”

“Jealous!?”

“That’s what I said, yes.”

“Lady,” she snapped, more insistently, until the wolf walked back towards her. Jaw clenched, she met the man’s eyes. “Good night, Ser Jaime.”

With a whirl of her cloak, she turned around to leave, and she could’ve sworn she heard a laughing, “Goodnight, my Lady,” from behind her as she went.

–

Sansa tried to bargain.

“Will you tell me what it is? Am I not paying you enough attention?” Fingers carefully and gently stroking the wolf’s fur at night, the warmth of her large body over her making her feel impossibly hot. “I have duties to attend to now, Lady. Is this about that? What do you see in him?”

What did she see in him?

Smart as she was, Lady was still an animal, and she could hardly recognise that a man was handsome. Resentment or not, Sansa could admit that Jaime Lannister was still as handsome as she’d found him when they’d first crossed paths so many years ago. So what was the appeal of him? It kept her up for hours until she dozed off restlessly.

Still, Lady was relentless, and Sansa found herself becoming more and more aware of the Lannister’s presence, as if she herself was being attuned to him the way her wolf seemed to be. She walked into a room and sought him out at the same time Lady did. There was no prying her away from him now over supper, so she’d taken to sitting at his table, where little to nobody else would sit.

People talked, of course. How could they not? Lady had only ever had eyes for Sansa before this. And now here she was, like a common whore, curled at his feet.

“You’re wrong, you know,” Jaime told her conversationally on one of such occasions. “I briefly met your brother’s direwolf once. Robb’s. Almost tore my face off, if I remember correctly.”

Sansa’s eyes flitted between his face and her food. “You probably deserved it.”

A dry laugh. “Are you always so quick to judge, my lady?”

“A wolf’s instinct is never wrong.”

And Jaime was once again in her field of vision, looking thoroughly pleased with himself. “I suppose it’s a matter of time, then. Before you find me as charming as Lady clearly does.”

Sansa had not known how to respond to that.

–

The first battle rolled around sooner than they had all been expecting.

First, because when it was over, it was agreed that the numbers were low. Much too low. There would be more, they knew. They lost many good people. It appeared that everybody had been steeling themselves for this moment, that when it came around, nobody had the spirits to mourn.

There had been a moment, amidst the chaos of the night and the screams and distant sound of swords and shields clanging against each other, while Sansa waited with the other ladies in the Hall, that Lady had bristled.

She had been alert at her side the whole time up until then. And then, without warning, her muscles had gone taut, lip pulled back into a snarl and before Sansa could ask her what was wrong, she had taken off.

The desperate call of “Lady!” that Sansa had attempted had been futile, as she had expected it to be.

Dawn had risen, and Jon had stormed into the hall to announce their small victory, and asked for all hands to help with the wounded.

Jaime Lannister was wounded.

A leg cut, not too deep, nothing that couldn’t be wrapped up according to their Maester, and there was Lady, covered in mud and blood, refusing to leave his side.

“She came out of nowhere, my lady,” Brienne had told her when she’d gone to see him. “Ser Jaime had stepped in to cover my back when a wave of the dead came at us, and I saw him surrounded, falling off the wall. I was fending them off myself, and then your wolf – Lady – she was on them, ripping them apart and the last thing I saw was her dragging him away from the battle.

And gods, Sansa wished she could say she was surprised to hear this, that this was where Lady had leapt to when she’d left her, but no. For whatever reason, Lady had decided that Jaime Lannister was worth her love and protection.

What was Sansa to do but accept it?

Perhaps Lady knew something after all.

–

“I believe I owe your direwolf my life.”

Sansa looked up from the letter she’d been reading towards the door of her chambers, where Jaime stood, leg bandaged but otherwise looking healthy. “So I hear,” she responded, not even blinking as Lady stood up from her side to walk over to him and start licking at his hand.

Jaime stayed silent for a moment. “Does it bother you so much?” he asked after a while, and she found him looking at Lady.

This was not making her look good. Sansa heaved a sigh, pushing herself to her feet and walking over to them, letting her fingers scratch behind Lady’s ears slowly. “I’m happy she saved your life. I hear you were brave.”

Another silence, and Jaime turned his face up to her. After a beat, she did the same, and found her stomach leaping slightly, fingers stilling on Lady’s head.

“She’s a smart one. Too smart.” A nod, and a small hint of a smile. Sansa didn’t know if it was a bitter one or now. “She takes after you in a lot of ways.”

The compliment took Sansa by surprise. What was she to say to that?

She was saved from responding by Jaime continuing. “I hope you’ll learn to trust me, too.”

Without another word, he gave a curt nod and walked away, leaving her to wonder what on earth had just transpired between them.

[timeisacephalopod]

Rewards Points

Remember that YouTube AU I wrote with Peter Q/ Stephen/ Tony? Well I liked it so I’m writing more of it. So this is more of that (also if you want to find the first you can locate it under YouTube AU and also IronStarQuill).

Tony considers the empty spot beside him and Peter is doing the same. “Have we ever done a video without Stephen?” he asks eventually. 

He shakes his head, “pretty sure we haven’t. How do we start this?”

“Why are we even confused? He never starts these things, most of our videos are us talking,” Peter points out.

Its true for the most part but Stephen always has something to say and now Tony is confused without his presence. “Maybe we should wait until he’s back,” he says,

Peter considers it, he can see Peter consider it, but he eventually shakes his head. “Nah, he’d be pissed we didn’t stick to the schedule. You know how he is.” Shit does he ever, Stephen is a damn stickler for being on time and schedule. It works for Peter, who’s usually under a time crunch on set, but Tony has never liked being on time or on schedule. He makes his own times and schedules and everyone else works around him.

“How is it possible that none of our schedules have ever conflicted with these videos before?” he asks. That simply isn’t possible- Peter’s jobs might be always up in the air, but Stephen and Tony travel consistently for their jobs. Especially him.

“We do dark weeks when none of us are going to be around,” Peter says. “Which usually means only one of us is around. Its just weird luck that two of us are here and Stephen is off doing doctor things. I think, I didn’t really ask,” Peter says.

“He’s giving a talk on spines or something like that, I have a hard time keeping up,” he admits.

Peter looks instantly relieved. “Jesus, I thought I was the only one. I mean you’re a genius and all that and Stephen can go on for hours if you let him.”

That’s an understatement but yeah, Tony has a hard time keeping up with language he doesn’t understand. He spends a lot of time looking up the terms Stephen uses on the fly but none of it seems to stick in his mind. Biology is not the kind of science he finds interesting unless it involves technology somehow. “Yeah, I don’t really care about spine things. I mean I care that Stephen cares but I don’t really know anything about it,” he says.

They sit awkwardly for a long moment before Peter speaks up. “What was this video supposed to be about?” he asks, defaulting to wrangling duties, Tony supposes.

“You pissing off studios because you thought it was funny,” he says. It’s a topic Stephen wouldn’t have much to contribute to anyways, hence them choosing it over other topics of interest. Like people’s weird need to know about Stephen and Peter’s early feud that Tony didn’t know existed but apparently got pretty vicious until they decided maybe they weren’t each other’s enemy. Tony doesn’t know if his total lack of knowledge of this means Peter and Stephen were subtle or if he’s completely dense but he’s leaning towards dense. Neither Stephen nor Peter know anything of subtlety.

“Right, yes,” Peter says. “So anyone who watches these things probably keeps up with me or Tony so you’ve probably already seen that trailer that nearly got me fired from my own fucking movie- like literally I wrote it, I’m directing it, and I’m one of the producers too, how the hell were they going to fire me? Okay I mean it can happen but given the response the trailer got I didn’t get fired,” Peter says.

Tony shakes his head because none of Peter’s fretting made any sense when his job was on the potential chopping block. “What the hell was the problem anyways? You soft of freaked out about maybe being fired but you didn’t actually say why.”

Peter sighs, “alright- so some background. No one wanted to do a movie about a gay guy who’s gayness was kind of irrelevant to the actual story for one- guess people don’t understand that being gay isn’t usually the only important thing about a person. So that was a strike against me. Then the problem was that no one big enough was attached to it so I asked Tony to do me a favor considering he had a lot in common with the character anyways so that saved my ass for five minutes. Then it turned out the kid that was cast as his son is trans, not like I knew that because I don’t make a habit of telling people to whip it out in auditions, so that was a thing,” he says, making a face. 

“Whatever. So when people stopped yelling about that they basically told me I was supposed to sell the story based on Tony’s fanbase but I didn’t want to do that so instead of making the reveal in the trailer that Tony is in it, I had the guys who cut the trailer stick him in less than thirty seconds into it and let the damn story sell itself. So that caused a whole new round of problems but people’s response to it was basically ‘wow, he didn’t use Tony Stark as his selling point, the story looks good!’ And that’s how I managed to keep my job,” he says.

“Not to be like... ungrateful or anything, but my fanbase is either a bunch of lovely human beings or the kind of guys who watch Fight Club and want to start a fight club. There’s no in between, and the guys who’d want to start a fight club would be pissed about the gay thing because dating two guys still doesn’t make me gay. I mean they’re kind of right, I’m bisexual but still, I’m not straight.” God knows he hates the half of his fanbase that thinks the time he spent drinking too much and acting like a complete jackass was a good way to live life but he can’t exactly do much about it now. Sure, he’s expressed plenty of distaste towards people who are like that, but no one seems content to listen.

Peter snorts, “oh my god, sidenote- one time Stephen and I looked you up. Can’t remember why but this was back before we stopped hating each other so we were probably looking for some kind of evidence that you loved one of us more than the other. Anyway, so we came across this entire blog that was dedicated to talking about how you ruined yourself by being too ‘PC’, and that dating Stephen and I was for ‘PC’ points. You know what, looking back on it I think that’s the first time Stephen and I bonded because we both thought it was hilarious that a real human being would genuinely think that you’d date someone just to be politically correct,” he says.

Tony lets out a long, drawn out sigh because this is the kind of shit he hates. “Yeah, obviously I date people to be politically correct. Bonus points because Stephen isn’t white,” he says sarcastically. 

“I think Stephen’s personality strips all those bonus points. I love him but he’s a total dickhead. I think I should earn more bonus points,” Peter says.

“None of you are earning any points, I’m not a points reward card, you can’t redeem your points at my non-existent cash register. If I were to award points though Stephen gets points for being a freakishly good kisser and you get points for being better at cuddling than Stephen,” he says. Stephen isn’t meant to cuddle, he gets home and if you touch him he literally growls until he’s slept for a few hours. Then he expects attention until he gets sick of it. Sort of like a cat.

Peter nods, “I’m not even mad about it, Stephen is a freakishly good kisser. I mean usually kissing is more a means to an end for me but Stephen makes it a whole show. Honestly I feel like a fucking golden retriever next to that,” he says, shaking his head.

Yeah, Peter has a lot less skill but so does Tony so its not like he can judge. “Ok. Stephen is a good kisser, that’s established. Back to you almost getting fired,” he says, preforming the necessary wrangling duties.

“Right! So yeah, anyways I also got into an argument about the kid, what’s his name?” he asks Tony.

“Peter,” he says. Kid is smart too, Tony likes him.

“Yeah, Peter. Eventually I got annoyed enough that I told them we keep the kid or I walk, which means you walk, which also takes your portion of the funding and they can have fun unkilling a dead project they all like now because you got involved. Needless to say I won,” Peter says.

Tony raises an eyebrow, “you did all that for some random unknown actor?” he asks, surprised.

Peter shrugs, “no one knew who I was either at one point. Then my fuckface dad almost ruined it for me when people did finally start to pay attention. Anyways, point is you and the kid have chemistry, I’m not recasting because I didn’t ask what junk looked like during auditions. That’s weird, invasive, and also technically discriminatory. Seriously though, the screen tests will not be the same with anyone else. If I didn’t know better I’d think he was your actual kid, you two work amazingly together and you actually produce good improv. Improv is hard,” he says but Tony doesn’t really know. He’s improvised near everything in his life so he’s gotten good at it. And the kid has talent and he’s fun to work with, Tony likes his memes.

“Pretty sure it wouldn’t actually matter, I’m good with him because I like kids, not because I like him specifically. I mean in two years he’ll be bitter and sad because the world is shit and seems intent on crushing people to death but you know. He’s fun now, while he still has hope and child-like wonder and all that.” Tony hopes he’ll be able to keep that bright light of wonder and happiness but he knows that’s probably never going to happen. Kid is different and the world has always punished anyone who doesn’t fit the status quo.

“Whatever, I don’t care if you like kids, I’m not replacing the kid I got for stupid reasons,” he says. “He’s fucking adorable and you two get along well, it’ll look good on camera. Less work as a director for me that way.”

Tony snorts because yeah, there’s the real reason Peter fought to keep mini Peter around- less work for him.

“Has it occurred to you that you forgot the name of an actor that has the same name as you?” Tony asks.

Peter shrugs, “I’m the best Peter so I don’t remember any of the others,” he says and Tony starts laughing.

*

Stephen ends up being called in to work before he even gets home, which Tony wonders about because jet leg is a bitch, but when he does finally venture home he sleeps for a stupid amount of time before wandering into the kitchen. He recognizes his own voice- ugh- and Peter’s and frowns until he finally clues in to Stephen watching the video he and Peter did without him. It got a surprisingly high hit count and a huge amount of positivity neither of them had been expecting. They hadn’t even realized why Peter’s name was suddenly trending on Twitter until they looked through the reactions.

Seems people were pleased that Peter stood up for younger trans Peter even though none of them seemed to have clued into the fact that Peter only did it to save himself directing trouble later.

“Peter gets too much credit as an ally, he only kept mini Peter because he didn’t want to try and coach chemistry out of another random teen that’s genetically dissimilar to you,” Stephen mumbles, trudging towards the coffee. His eyes are glued to it like its going to save him from jet leg and being extra tired after a shift at the hospital.

“Oh my god, genetics do weird things sometimes and Peter looks like his movie mother, Stephen, so shut up!” Peter yells from the living room.

“His features are still genetically unlikely, you should have recast,” Stephen yells back.

“No, I don’t want to find another kid who looks that good with Tony on camera. Mini Peter is good, I don’t give a shit about genetics!” Peter yells to him.

Stephen mumbles something under his breath as he pours his coffee. “Next people are going to accuse him of dating us for PC points,” he mutters.

“That’s already happened. Also how come no one accuses you of doing that?” he asks.

“Because minorities don’t usually scramble for PC points, we’re born with them. Don’t look at me like that, I think its stupid too. Also I think Peter’s bad self insert movie about the father he wished he had with a kid that could pass as his is sad and depressing, but also creepy because he cast his boyfriend as his metaphorical dad,” Stephen mumbles. He takes a drink of his coffee just as Peter enters the room.

He obviously hears the last bit of that because he goes from looking ready to fight Stephen on genetics to disgusted in ten seconds flat. “Oh my god, how dare- I did not, Tony isn’t- He is not my father!” Peter says, horrified.

Tony shakes his head, “no, no I am not and Stephen you need to stop that. I’m not playing the role of Peter’s dad.”

“Are so. You’re officially his daddy,” Stephen says, grinning as Peter and Tony both start gagging.

“I have too many daddy issues for this shit,” Tony mumbles, gagging again. “Please tell me this isn’t actually a story about the father you wished you had,” he says to Peter.

Peter is still gagging to his left, looking so disgusted he’s about to cry. “It is, but Stephen had to fucking make it weird, I didn’t even make that connection until he made it for me.”

Tony shakes his head. “No, absolutely not, I’m leaving you both and going back to Pepper and getting no PC points for it,” he says, wrinkling his entire face is disgust.

“Well, she’s a woman running a very successful company- technically your company- so I think you get a half a PC point for that,” Stephen tells him, smiling pleasantly like he’s happy that he’s permanently ruined Tony’s relationship with Peter.

“You did this on purpose!” Peter accuses. “You know how many daddy issues Tony and I have and you totally weaponized it!”

Stephen continues drinking his coffee. “I’d like to point out that I’m clearly the superior partner because I’ve never made you my father. Though, to be fair you look nothing like him even if you’re the same height,” he says.

“Fuck you, Stephen,” Peter tells him. “I thought you got over the jealousy thing.” He pouts, giving Tony puppy eyes but he can’t look Peter in the eye right now. Or maybe ever again.

“Sure I am, but I like making you squirm and also I do find it very strange that you cast Tony as your pseudo father. Just saying, I think maybe you have more issues than you think,” Stephen tells Peter.

Peter sits down on the ground before flopping over and curling into a ball. “I hate you and my life,” he mumbles.

“Stop whining, at least you aren’t my dad!” Tony tells him.

“You aren’t my dad either, you just had a lot in common with the character!” Peter says. “Stephen only made it weird because he sucks.”

“I only pointed out the obvious,” Stephen corrects.

Tony lets out a long groan because this is going to be a painful process. Peter seems to feel the same way but Stephen, the asshole, looks utterly pleased with himself.

“Also,” Stephen adds, “next time I would actually like if you waited for me to return to do a video.”

Peter and Tony flip him off but Stephen looks utterly unrepentant.

[edierone]

Antes de la Guerra

From a fic request by @emceecapitalc, who wondered - based on this piece of the trailer, made giffy by @tatianagmaslany- how the hell a couple of 50-somethings could fight assassins on no notice after years out of the game ...

It started out as just exercise — a joyless 30-minute pre-dawn burst of cardio at the zero-frills gym one sketchy block from the hospital, three days a week. Kept her weight down and her heart healthy, even if it was broken.  

But later, when she and Mulder fell into spending weekdays at the place she kept in town, he started accompanying her there, and as they regained fitness, the old competitiveness kicked in — they gradually got up a little earlier, stayed a little longer, started adding some weights to the routine.

They never spoke to anyone else there, never looked into any of the gym’s other offerings, just pushed themselves, a team of two again.

Then one frigid spring evening, she has to help subdue a psychotic patient and despite her old skills kicking in, he almost gets the better of her. That’s when she starts asking around (among certain women) for a trainer — who materializes one morning at the gym, seemingly from out of nowhere.

Eduardo doesn’t offer any personal details, not even a last name; his accent (in what few words he does say) is similar to that of Irina, Scully’s best surgical nurse, so they think of him as Honduran, whether or not that’s the case. He’s somewhere around 30, and has two inches and 25 muscled pounds on Mulder — lithe, ripped, and with the wingspan of an NBA center.

He makes them for law enforcement immediately, despite the years since they’ve been in the field, but he asks no questions about their service — or why they need his — and they pay him in cash.

Under Eduardo’s tutelage, four brutally early mornings a week, they both get leaner, harder, more flexible. Mulder quietly gives up his teenage junk-food diet — it won’t support this kind of training — and when Scully finishes the last of the bottles she picked up during BevMo’s most recent 5-cent wine sale, she doesn’t restock. They sleep better, they fuck more, they both stop needing their occasional anti-anxiety meds.

They don’t tell Eduardo when they’re back at the Bureau, but one steaming marshy 5:15 a.m. that summer, he straddles Scully as she bench-presses her last heavy rep and says in his calm but deadly-serious way: “You ready for fight?”

Mulder, who’s right there spotting for her, guides the bar from her shaking arms into the rests before he grabs a fistful of Eduardo’s painted-on tank top. “What the fuck did you just say to my wife?”

The next few seconds are a blur, at the end of which Mulder finds himself on the floor with the other man’s knee on his chest, and Scully held in a chokehold with Eduardo’s free arm.

“I say, you ready for to learn fight? I can teach you.”

He releases them and stands, as unruffled as if he’s just offered them tea and scones.

The things that have been bothering them lately, the feathery edges of paranoia about what lies in the shadows and what they might have to face now that they’re officially back in the mix — it takes but a second for their minds to connect in the old way, one live-wire glance between them, for both to heave out a yes.

Not here, he says; he’ll come to them. He warns them that they’ll get bruises, scratches, headaches, “make your whole house a mess” — they understand, they agree.

Eduardo may be a man of few words, but he delivers on every one of them.

It’s the oddest working partnership they’ve ever had, Mulder reflects one morning as she’s helping him get his arm into the sling that had been necessary after Sunday’s session: “We pay a guy money to come into our home twice a week and kick our asses — a guy whose real name and origin story we do. not. know, I might add — and then we’re so pumped, we have more sex than a couple of horny teenagers. Not that I’m complaining about that last part.” She laughs, agreeing, then scrapes her nails over his newly-chiseled abs — and once again, they’re almost late to work.

A week later, Scully hobbles gamely into the Hoover with a boot cast on her right leg and a yarn about jumping into a too-shallow pool; the fact that she actually sprained her ankle vaulting a stair rail in her apartment building with Eduardo in pursuit seems somehow implausible as an explanation. She’s not sure why neither of them are telling anyone about their increasingly-rough combat and evasion lessons, but they’ve apparently decided to keep it to themselves and pretend they’re just regular middle-aged agents with a normal level of field readiness. It’s that old instinct for cover, she supposes; better to let your enemies underestimate you, no matter how nebulous those enemies are.

She’s forced to explain herself at the hospital, though, when the department head stops her after a meeting for a little chat about how “ever since you’ve moved back in with your husband, Dr. Scully, I’ve been noticing … things that concern me. Now, I’m not judging, or implying — and of course this is off the record — but as your friend and a fellow medical professional, I have to ask: This contusion on your face — can you tell me how you got it?” She’s not sure Dr. Parekh buys the krav maga explanation, but it’s all she’s willing to say.

That evening, out at the house, is the first time she manages to fend off both Mulder and Eduardo, teamed up against her in an exercise Eduardo called “you get attack by two big motherfuckers, they gonna take you and put you in the trunk.” Her feral scream of victory as she stands astride Eduardo’s “dead” body leaves her voice raw; by the next morning, having traded control back and forth all night in bed with Mulder, she can barely speak at all.

The situation gets weirder, but so gradually that they barely notice: Eduardo stops texting in advance of showing up, and sometimes just accosts them — even in public places — with no warning. He turns off the power to the house, makes them fight in the dark, all three against each other. He handicaps them in various ways — handcuffs, zip ties, one of them dragging the faux-unconscious other. They switch from toy-store blasters to their real pieces — unloaded, of course, with safeties on and fingers nowhere near the trigger.

And then one day, they realize it’s been a week since they’ve seen Eduardo. Figuring they should keep in fighting trim, they turn off all the lights, pursue each other in the dark, end up fucking their brains out on the hardwood floor of Mulder’s office.

A week becomes two, then almost three. They improvise workouts, but start to worry that whatever brought Eduardo to them in the first place has found him.

Just when Mulder is about to start putting out feelers, they get a text from an unknown number: tonight 11 Go to the place I find you argue about if that girl isa good actor or no

The parking garage underneath the AMC Bayview 20 Theatres is deserted at that hour on a Monday. They go, expecting to engage — nerves alight, muscles tensed, adrenaline high. But there he is at the farthest, darkest end — not leaping at them from the shadows, but leaning against a ’70s Mercedes in $300 jeans and an ancient wool overcoat, looking like the scion of an old and wealthy family. He holds his arms up, palms toward them in a gesture of harmlessness, as they approach warily.

He gifts them with a rare smile, and they respond in kind, glad to see him unharmed. “I have to go now,” he says. “You not finishing you training yet, but you gonna be ok.”

“Where — why are you leaving?” Scully asks, half-aware of the bad form of asking that kind of question of a person who obviously wouldn’t or couldn’t answer truthfully. Eduardo just smiles again, shaking his finger at her.

“Best you not know. Come here.” He holds his arms out to them both for a hug. Pressed close to them, he murmurs quickly, with some urgency, “You know I am not Eduardo. I am not Adrian either but — is who I am for now. Entiende? I see those scars at the gym, I see how you together against everybody, all the world, is why I teach you fighting. I don’t know who you fighting, but you ready when they come, yes?”

Then he pulls back a little, turns to Mulder, and kisses him deeply, one arm slung low with the palm flat between Mulder’s shoulder blades — though he hardly needs the leverage — and the other caressing the back of his neck. When Eduardo breaks the kiss, he pivots immediately to Scully, brings her in like a dance partner and lifts her almost off her feet as he dips low to kiss her — a soldier going off to war.

His smile when he lets her go is brilliant but profoundly sad. The two of them stand there, blinking and stunned, as he backs away, opening the car door and shaking his head at them. “You should both have kick my ass for that,” he says with a rueful laugh. Then, soberly, he adds, “Buena suerte, my friends.”

“Buena suerte,” they mumble uselessly as he drives off, their hands finding each other without so much as a downward glance; he’s right, it’s the two of them against the world, and in that moment they’re conscious of just how much better prepared they are for whatever might come — will come.

They’ve never been this sharp, not even with the advantages of youth. And a few weeks later, when strange headlights come bouncing up their private road, they find that Eduardo was right: They are ready.

-------------------------------- @today-in-fic

[the-record-columns]

Sept. 25, 2019: Columns

                                                  Angel

The Lucky Dog...

By KEN WELBORN

Record Publisher

In August 14th column I told about having a new dog, Angel.

Angel is a bull terrier and labrador mix, white as snow with a few black freckles--and yes, she could be the sister of my dog Powder. 

Powder died of an aggressive cancer at only 9 years old in February of 2018, and who I have grieved over ever since.

As noted then, in particular, my son, Sam, tried to find me another dog--calling me with strays, rescue dogs, puppies, and abandonments from mutts to pedigrees. He even found three cats that needed a home.

Well, when he saw Angel and her uncanny resemblance to Powder, he told the folks keeping her to please hold on to her a few days until his dad could see her, telling them, "If Pop sees this dog, she will have hit the dog lottery."

That was a great line, but I am the one who hit the lottery.

When I picked her up, I asked Sam if she liked to ride. Before he could say one way or another, she had jumped into my pickup, stuck her head out the window, and in her own way said, "Let's go."  Before I had reached the interstate, Angel was sitting snuggled up next to me like a 16-year-old girl out on a date with her boyfriend.

On the way home, I worried she would cry all night, so later I made her a good bed on the floor at the end of my bed.  I checked on her off and on all night, and she was sleeping like the proverbial baby. At about 5 a.m., I rolled over to go to the bathroom and, before I knew it, this huge dog tongue had slurped into my ear, across my nose, and all over my mouth and face. When I finally got upright, Angel was sitting there, smiling as only a dog can.

At that moment, I ceased to be Angel's owner, because clearly, she now owned me. 

This past weekend, I took Angel to the Carolina in the Fall Music and Food Festival in Wilkesboro a couple of times.  First when I went to pick up my credentials, while we were waiting in the tent next to the ticket booth, several folks stopped to pet Angel as she looked up at them and wagged her tail. One couple in particular made the comment that they were dog people and she literally sat down on the pavement to play with Angel. After a bit they went on into the festival but soon returned--laughing as they told me they had such a good time playing with Angel they forgot to buy their tickets.

But the best part was on Saturday evening. I was signed up to work the night shift for Rotary at the Artists Merchandise Tent. When I went home to check on Angel, I just could not leave her again, and took her with me to the Festival. Since I was the de facto greeter at the entrance to the tent, Angel was the perfect partner. Everybody wanted to pet her and she wanted everyone to pet her, so everyone was happy. After about an hour, Angel stopped even looking and smiling at folks as they walked up, and just flopped down on her back so they could easily scratch under her chin and give her a belly rub. It was just plain fun to watch.

Angel has got to be the most social animal I have ever seen, and there is really no doubt who the big winner is in he story of Ken and his Angel--for I am surely "The Lucky Dog."

 The Gospels: Conventional Wisdom Is Not Heresy

By HEATHER DEAN

Record Reporter

Rev. James Martin, an American Jesuit priest, is known for his outspokenness for accepting all of God’s children, especially the outcast.

He wrote a book entitled “Building a Bridge,” in which he urged the Church to create a dialogue and find  common ground with the LGBTQ+ community who feel estranged  because of social and religious stigma.  

The subject always seems to ruffle some feathers of the most pious, but so did the son of God; what with talking back to the priests as a child, chasing the church leaders out of the temple with whips, slinging political insults toward the Herrod. His ministry consisted of taking in the undesirables: the prostitutes, anarchists, embezzlers, politicians, heretics, lepers, immigrants, and tax collectors.  

Yet the backlash of being an inclusive continues to grow, despite us being taught otherwise. “Good Christians” hardening their hearts, slinging insults, hateful rhetoric, judging, labeling, sending death threats, even beating or killing those they think unworthy. That goes against everything I was ever taught raised in a Christian religion. I still believe that compassion and love is the way to live a good life, even though I was betrayed by the hypocrisy and misogyny, including sexual assault, from those I trusted most in the congregation.  

Jesus, and other prophets, said not to be a jerk and that's what I try to live by. Though I do not subscribe to Christian theology these days, being a good human is all encompassing.  Sometimes, however, we have to rely on the Constitution to bring us back to an objective center in deciding what is for the good of “we the people,” not just one color or one religion, “defending against enemies both foreign and domestic.”  According to the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) the number of hate groups in the U.S. is the highest in 20 years.

This week in the news we saw two huge steps in progressing “liberty and justice for all.”  

A federal judge ruled that an anti-LGBTQ Florida-based church can be labeled a hate group by SPLC as a matter of free speech, as the church “maligns the entire LGBT community.”

The Department of Homeland Security, created after the 9/11 attacks, has added white supremacy to its list of domestic terrorism threats.  Kevin McAleenan, the acting secretary of the Department of Homeland Security, said that recent mass shootings had “galvanized the Department of Homeland Security to expand its counterterrorism mission focus beyond terrorists operating aboard. The continuing menace of racially based violent extremism, particularly white supremacist extremism, is an abhorrent affront to our nation, the struggle and unity of its diverse population, and the core values of both our society and our department.”

Pope Francis received backlash once again because the most conservative of his flock want him to be stricter, less accommodating and stop reaching out and engaging others, especially those that don’t fit into the niche that the Church has worked so hard over the past thousand years to control. He told them no, because that is not what Christ did.

Now, this is sure to ruffle more feathers, especially those claiming they are only protecting their Christian beliefs in some imagined war against them, but let me bring you back to beginning of the conversation and let you decide what the prophet would really do.  

Jesus never said you were going to like what happened in the world. He laid the groundwork of how to deal with it, and he said not to let it get to you, because GOD was the end-all-be-all when it came down to judging and deciding who would make it into the kingdom of heaven. (James 4:12)

The good book also says that the Old Testament Laws (over 600 of them) are now void because Jesus paved the path of faith with love, and to obey the Christ, because LOVE is the new law. (Gal. Chapters 3-6)

The least you do this to others you do it to me. (Matt. 25:40)

“If we can’t even begin a dialogue without being considered a heretic, then we need to take a good look at how we understand the gospel.” –Reverend Martin.

  A piece of the untold story

By AMBASSADOR EARL COX and KATHLEEN COX 

Friday marks the end of the work week in Israel.  It is a time for rest and for extended families to get together to keep the Shabbat.  What does this mean?  According to the Torah (first five books of the Bible), Shabbat commemorates the day God rested from creating the world.  It is a day of peace and holiness offering all those who are observant an opportunity to contemplate the spiritual aspects of life and to spend time with family.   

Let’s take a look at the land of "camels, sand and sandals."  This is what the left-leaning media would have us believe about Israel.  The truth is, Israel is light-years ahead of most of the world in science, medicine, technology, agriculture, research and development, aerospace, military defense and intelligence gathering, pharmaceuticals, telecommunications, computer hardware and software, and the list goes on.  Most major companies have their R&D facilities hear in Israel.  Worldwide, Israel is known as "the start-up nation." It is home to major players in the high tech industry. Israeli schools produce some of the best and brightest minds in the world therefore Israel has the most technologically literate population in the world.  Tiny Israel, no bigger than New Jersey which is one of the smallest states in the United States, has more Nobel Prize recipients per capita than the United States, France and Germany.  For a country that was reborn only a little over 70 years ago following thousands of years of exile having been dispersed throughout the world, Israel's contributions to the world have been disproportionate, dramatic, and nothing short of miraculous.  

In the 1800s, a small California newspaper sent a journalist to the Middle East to report back to wealthy American society what he saw on the other side of the world.  The name of this journalist was Samuel Clemens, better known to the world as Mark Twain.  He visited many places to include the land of Israel where he was not at all impressed.  In fact, he called it, "a boiling hell with dry, torn and helpless ground."  He claimed that life could not exist in this place and that it had no potential. Mark Twain even saw Jerusalem as a, "dark, lonely, lifeless and unimpressive ruin."  But Mark Twain was so wrong!    

Now, let's take a look at a place once designated as a "settlement."  This means a place of metal shacks, tents and trailers, right? WRONG! The city of Ma'ale Adumim is located only a few short miles outside of Jerusalem.  It is on the land known as Judea and Samaria - the heartland of Israel.  Mayor Benny Kashriel governs his city with love always thinking about ways to improve life for its citizens and residents. He makes it a point to attend every major function in his city and this includes graduation ceremonies from kindergarten!  Ma'ale Adumim is a beautiful and thriving city where Israelis and Palestinians work side by side in peace. People are attracted to life here because of its parks and playgrounds, outstanding infrastructure, streets lined with brightly colored flowers, neatly kept yards and storefronts, lovely homes and apartments, a municipality that truly cares about the wellbeing of the people who are secure and proud of their city.  This "settlement" is bursting at the seams with a happy, healthy, friendly and peace-filled atmosphere. 

This trip to Israel has been quite different from any other over the past 20 years.  Unlike so many cities in Europe where life and the spirit of joy, as the French say, "la joie de vivre," seems to have evaporated having been replaced with nothing but a sense of fading glory, old structures, and a lack of enthusiasm and vision, whereas Israel is thriving and vibrant. At all hours of the day and night, people, young and old alike, and all colors, faiths and creeds, are enjoying family and friends over a meal or a cup of coffee in the many sidewalk cafes which line about every street.  Pregnant women and their husbands and families are strolling the streets enjoying the evenings.  Music is everywhere.  Throughout Jerusalem are what I have come to call "public pianos."  They are perfectly tuned, weather resistant, grand pianos, placed along major pedestrian walkways waiting for whosoever will open the lid and fill the air with magic. The U.N. World Happiness Report was released on March 21 of this year. Once again, Israelis ranked among the happiest people in the world despite living in a very tough neighborhood surrounded on every side by evil-minded people who want to wipe them off the face of the earth forever.  Israel enjoys an internal and an eternal peace.  God said never again will the Jews be removed from their land and our God reigns supreme!

The American Songster

By CARL WHITE

Life in the Carolinas

Over the years, we have produced many broadcast segments that celebrate music in the Carolinas and those who bring it to life.

Several years ago, we produced a segment with the Carolina-based group, The Carolina Chocolate Drops on stage at the McGlohon Theater at Spirit Square in Charlotte. It was a good interview and I recall how amazed we all were with the performance. When the onstage energy was combined with the telling of the history of the music, the audience enjoyed an authentic time-travel experience.

Dom Flemons was a founding member of the band. It was his ability to master various historic instruments which left the audience spellbound. Some were common, and others were new to most audience members. I think that was what made the performance so engaging and entertaining. You dared not take your eyes off the stage for fear of missing what he might play next. It really was a special evening.

Some time would pass until one day I received the news that Dom had left The Carolina Chocolate Drops to develop his solo works. The American Songster Dom Flemons now shares his interpretation of American folklore, ballads and storytelling. Among others he plays American old-time music, Piedmont blues and country music that might be new to your ears.

Dom has an American and international audience. So far he has received two Emmy nominations and is a Grammy award winner.

Not so long ago, I had the opportunity to sit down with Dom for another interview. It was a great visit and Dom was quick to say, “Carl, this time I have a back story.” Almost nine years had passed since our first visit at Spirit Square and he was right; a lot of things have transpired over the years.

Dom was born and raised in Arizona, where his family has had a long and fascinating history. He moved to North Carolina because of his interest in the musical and cultural heritage of the region.

It was a life changing event when he was invited to participate in the 2005 Black Banjo Gathering in the Mountains of North Carolina.

He was inspired by the likes of Joe Thompson and other songsters who had been creating music in the “gray areas” between genres.

Dom began to learn more about the larger African American folk tradition and his passion for telling the historical narrative increased. This drove his involvement with the Carolinas Chocolate Drops and then subsequently, the development of his solo work.

We talked about Dom’s Black Cowboys project that brings attention to the music, culture, and the complex history of the Wild West. I learned about the importance of the role of Black Cowboys.  It was a great conversation and when Dom played a selection from the project, I understood even more than before.

No matter where he plays, his desire is to spark cultural memories for the audience, reminding them of things they didn’t know they had forgotten. He wants others to experience their cultural heritage the same way that he has.

Music has great power. It can change our moods in an instant, It has a unique way of bringing history to life. I think we are fortunate when we encounter people who have the talent and passion to share the history of music and bring it to life.

Dom Flemons, the American Songster is such a person.  

 Carl White is the Executive Producer and Host of the award-winning syndicated TV show Carl White’s Life In The Carolinas. The weekly show is now in its 10th year of syndication and can be seen in the Charlotte market on WJZY Fox 46 Saturday’s at noon and My 12. The show also streams on Amazon Prime. For more information visit www.lifeinthecarolinas.com. You can email Carl at Carl@lifeinthecarolinas.com

[lalka-laski]

If you lived in Bikini Bottom, would you befriend Spongebob or Plankton? Neither, really. I feel like I have more of a Sandy energy. Positive and upbeat but levelheaded.  Do you have any bananas in your house right now? I have TWO loaves of banana bread as well as two leftover bananas in the freezer for another loaf when the time comes. For some reason banana bread is the official food of quarantine?

Which overrated tattoo are you sick of seeing? I’m really not in the business of judging people’s ink. Tattoos are so personal (and obviously permanent) and it just feels wrong to criticize someone’s choices. Unless of course, we’re talking swastikas or something. 

Is it easy to distract you? Unbelievably easy 

Do you prefer to drink from glasses or mugs? Mugs! 

What was the last thing you taught a younger kid? I haven’t been around kids in over a month so I can’t remember. Now I’m sad! 

Are the clocks in your house mostly digital or analog? Exclusively digital 

Do you like watching movies made with CGI or do you prefer hand-drawn ones? No preference

Where did your parents buy their car(s)? The Chevrolet dealership in my hometown

Do you know why your grandparents chose your mother’s name? I actually don’t. I’m assuming just because it was a moderately popular girl’s name in the 60s. 

What is your favourite kind of soup? I just had this Indian Chickpea soup from Wegmans that was BOMB. I also love me some broccoli cheddar; specifically with Vermont white

Have you ever made your own musical instrument? Oh very often as a kid! I was crafty AND musical

What do you think of Leighton Meester’s singing voice? I forgot she sang. I guess she’s fine? I’m sure she’s autotuned to death but it doesn’t bother me.

Do you think you’d do well at teaching the English language to a foreigner? Not at all. It’s too difficult to teach something that comes to you so innately and naturally. 

How long have your neighbours lived there? I think I’m actually the “newest” neighbor in my building. 

Is it weird to hear your name in movies or TV shows? I actually just had this conversation! On a show Glenn was watching this guy was talking to a character named Elizabeth and repeated her name 10 times in a two minute span. It was so disorienting for me!

Why do so many people seem to hate the Jonas Brothers? I think more people like them than hate them nowadays, no?

If you attend school, what time do you usually get home after? I’m done with school my dudes

When was the last time you really needed to just let loose? I’ve been a little on edge lately (possibly PMS?), so now would be good. 

Have you ever been blackmailed? Not that I know of

Do you suffer from Restless Leg Syndrome? YES although not that often anymore, thankfully

Would you rather have novels based on your life or a series of comic books? Novels, since that’s my preferred medium. Although seeing myself as a comic book character would be pretty cool.

Have you written a resume before, either for yourself or someone else? Both. I’m the go-to girl in my friend group for resumes and cover letters.

Did you know that they plan on releasing a movie based on The Smurfs? This must be an old survey

Do you ever wonder what it would be like to live underwater? I’d rather DIE

Have you ever worked in a bakery? If not, would you like to? I have not and would never. I don’t care for baking much as it is and I’m soooo over food service jobs.

What is your favourite thing about snow? It looks beautiful! I dream about a majestic, snow princess wedding.

Is there a big personality difference between you and your sibling(s)? Oh yes, we’re all distinctly different. Our personalities, temperaments, intellects, personal styles, hobbies, etc. Yet we all get along wonderfully (as adults!) 

Do you enjoy decorating things with stickers? I love using stickers in my journals and on handwritten notes/envelopes etc! 

Did you lose anything recently? Did you end up finding it? I lose my phone multiple times a day

What colour oven mitts do you have? I have a yellow pair and then one single green one with a girl and a speech bubble saying “Hot, hot vegetarian action!” My sister in law thought it was hilarious.

Why do you/don’t you watch award shows? I sometimes do. I like being part of something that loads of other people are witnessing in real time. Plus, live-tweeting is fun as hell. 

Do you ever do the exercises featured in some magazines? I used to follow the exercises in Seventeen religiously. Actually, I followed ALL the tips in Seventeen religiously. 

Have you ever watched What The Buck? What do you think of it? Not a clue what that is 

Do you consider Lady GaGa’s appearance artistic, or just plain weird? Of course I think she’s artistic 

What do you usually do when you have trouble sleeping? I usually just lay there in misery instead of doing anything to possibly help myself.

What was the last thing you used scissors for? Cutting open a bag of frozen veggies 

Have you ever used some kind of food as a facial mask? I just talked about this with my friends! I love DIY beauty treatments and I’ve used various ingredients for face masks: coffee grounds, bananas, plain yogurt, egg yolks... 

How many USB cords do you have lying around? Uh, I’ve never counted

Are you satisfied with your social life (or lack thereof)? My social life was really taking a positive turn JUST before Covid hit. But honestly, my new quarantine social calendar is a lot of fun. I have a Zoom or Houseparty video chat almost every night. The downside of that though is that I’m drinking a LOT more than normal but what can ya do?

Do you know anybody whose initials spell something? JAR. I’m sure I can think of others but that comes to mind first.

What is your favourite flavour of Kool-Aid? Red? Or is there a blue flavor? Because I love blue things 

Is there a specific food you think NEEDS to be at Christmas dinner? My mom’s cheesy potatoes and also, pierogi.

Would you be able to re-string a guitar? Not if my life depended on it

What TV show do you just assume you wouldn’t like? Most popular shows don’t interest me. I don’t mean that in a hipster way, I’ve just never been a fan of TV. And what few shows I do like are usually trash. (I admit it!)

Do your friends have more money than you? Almost all of them do Do you have more bread or cheese in your house? Always cheese.

What was the last movie trailer you saw? Couldn’t tell ya

Did you purchase any meat product when you were at the store last? I don’t eat meat!

Have you ever been told that you have chubby cheeks? I have extremely chubby cheeks although people usually try to word it in a more polite way 

Do you know how to properly use a saw? Nope and I wouldn’t dare try

Isn’t it a shame that what Kanye West did at the VMA’s overshadowed what was supposed to be a night dedicated to Michael Jackson? Oh yeah, I lose sleep over it every night

[newidaho]

7.  The New Idaho Museum of Oddities

Don’t have the time/patience/desire to read with your eyes? Don’t have eyes? Well, have your friend read you this:  You can check out the audiobook for free on Apple, Google, Stitcher, or Spotify.  Subscribe for new episodes every Wednesday!

20 December 2054

Johnna Johnson had only been at work for 5 hours, but time was moving quickly.  After all, she was getting paid to do essentially what she did at home.  That was the beauty of the New Idaho Museum of Oddities—they gave you a comfy seat, some snacks, and they didn’t ask that you do anything but show off your Oddity.

Like many in NIMO, Johnna’s ‘Oddity’ was her weight.  Truthfully, Johnna considered this rather offensive, but the ease of the job made it worth the degrading job description most days.  And at 375 pounds, Johnna was well qualified to ride in the trailer.

Most days, it wasn’t so bad.  Johnna sat down in her seat, watched a Virtual Movie through her Lenses, read a Virtual Book, or browsed the internet.  An entire Virtual World lay just behind her Lenses.  It wasn’t a problem to spend six hours without moving around.  Who liked to move, anyway?

Johnna had always been quite heavy.  She was born in 2024 to John Johnson, a single father in Southern Idaho.  Having grown up on a farm, Johnna had had every opportunity to eat healthy growing up.  John, however, had never enforced this habit, and by the time Johnna learned the health benefits to eating her father’s crops, she was already well addicted to the junk food that was always kept around the house.

Johnna’s father had scrapped together enough money to move to New Idaho in 2030, already sensing that it might be the next big thing, and he brought the 6-year-old Johnna with him into the mountain ring.  He only had enough money to buy a small plot of land in Southern New Idaho.  Though farming was a much more lucrative profession in New Idaho than it was in the rest of the state, the size of John’s land was good for hardly more than subsistence farming with a very small profit on the side.  

As a farmer in New Idaho, John was exempt from all taxes, and was therefore able to live comfortably.  Johnna, however, was still heavily bothered by her family’s lack of upward mobility and became obsessed with the rich Lucid Labs children at Sky High.  In her attempts to jumpstart her own social mobility, Johnna went seeking attention wherever she could get it.  

During this quest for recognition, Johnna wound up pregnant at 17 by a man who subsequently wanted nothing to do with her.  She was too proud to take child support (a move she later sorely regretted).  The last she had heard, the father had gone to University out of state, and had never returned to New Idaho.  This was probably for the best—she couldn’t imagine him coming into the MoF to see her now.

Johnna kept her pregnancy a secret from her father as long as she could, but after 8 months, and with no way to hide the inevitable physical manifestation of her mistake, she came clean to her father, who immediately expelled her from his house.  He hardly had enough money to take care of Johnna, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to pay for her sin.

Johnna found opportunity to visit her father a couple more times before his death in 2043.  Charlie, her child, was 2.  He would never know his father or his grandfather.  Charlie and his mother were all the family either of them had in the world.  

In search of a new family, Johnna stumbled upon FuTech Christian Church.  It was a beautiful opportunity—not only did their message provide her with hope going forward, but she never had to meet any of the congregation in person.  She could appear or disappear as she wished while she took in the messages.  She knew that many of those she saw in service were connected to the local network, but many also came from out of town, interested to see what a FuTech Service from New Idaho looked like.  This provided Johnna with a diverse community who only wished to build her up as she went through her always-difficult time raising Charlie.  They even offered him free enrollment on need-based scholarship to the FuTech Virtual Home School.

Thus, through her drive, her faith, and her gig with NIMO, Johnna had carved out a decent survival for her and her son.

The time was nearing 1400h, and there had been a good bit of traffic.  The New Idaho Mall was still rather busy with last-minute shoppers.  You could tell some of the visitors felt a little bad for staring at fat people, but it had been surprisingly normalized to a large extent in the New Idaho society.

Not everyone, however, was so tactful.  Johnna could sense bad energy as soon as the goateed man in the yellow polo stepped into the trailer.

‘Goddamn, Shelly, truck G is a heavy one indeed!’

‘Ricky, stop.’

‘I’m just saying, I’m just saying.  Look,’ he lowered his voice to a whisper that Johnna could still hear, ‘those two are even eating Oreos—it’s almost like you can see them growing as we speak.’

‘Ricky.’

‘No, really, I wonder if they get a raise in pay if they have a raise in weight.  Don’t you think that would just make sense?’

Johnna got up from her horizontal position and looked at the visitors.  A mistake— when you look into the eyes of a visitor, like staring down a vicious dog, you open yourself up to attack.

‘Hey there!’ Ricky said to Johnna.  ‘How’s the day going?’

Johnna nodded.

‘Do they not let you speak?  You’re human just like me—I can see that even if other people think there are four little men inside you pulling the levers.’

Johnna remained silent.

‘Come on, have a little fun!  Are you having a good day?  Getting paid a good bit?’

Johnna could tell she wasn’t getting out of this without a response.  ‘Yes, it’s been a pretty good day.’

‘There we go.  I knew you could talk.  So hey, then, let me ask you this—you happy doing what you’re doing?  You feel good about this stuff?’

‘Ricky, come on.’  Shelly hit her husband on the thigh.

‘It’s an innocent question,’ Ricky said.  ‘I really want to know.  Is this a good gig?  You like doing this stuff?’

‘Ricky, obviously she doesn’t.  And I’m sure she doesn’t like you talking to her this way, do you?’  Shelly asked Johnna.

‘It’s not obvious, Shelly.  If she didn’t like it, she wouldn’t be doing it.’  Ricky turned back to Johnna.  ‘So do you like it?  Wait, I have a question—were you always this fat, or did you put on the pounds to get the gig?  Can’t be that bad, huh, just sitting here doing nothing but talking to losers like me all day.’  Ricky laughed.  ‘No answer?  Come on!  Do you like it or not?  I won’t judge.  Oh, and follow-up to my last question—cuz Shelly’s gonna hate it, but I really want to know—how did you get that fat?’

‘Rick—We’re leaving.’

‘Come on, wait, give her a minute to answer.  You gonna answer?’

Ricky was looking at Johnna with a smile on his face.  It almost seemed like the man meant well—like he was genuinely curious and truly didn’t care about how rude he was being.

‘It’s not a bad way to make a living,’ Johnna said.

‘Not bad, huh?  Well, I’m glad you like it!’

‘Okay, Ricky?’  said Shelly.  ‘Now can we go?’

‘Wait wait, though—she didn’t answer my last question—how the hell did you get that fat?’

Johnna didn’t want to answer this man’s question—it was downright mean, though the innocent look on his face somehow communicated otherwise.  The question was, at the very least, objectively rude.  But for some reason she felt she owed him an answer.

‘Honestly, just what you would guess,’ Johnna said.  ‘My diet and a sedentary lifestyle.’  He had made her admit it to both him and herself.  She pushed down the emotions bringing tears to her eyes—she had affected an attitude to herself and others of pride in her body, and she did not care to admit that it could have been different.  She preferred to believe she had little to no agency.

‘Aw, damn, I guess I could have guessed that one,’ Ricky said.  ‘Oh, well.  I guess the rest of my questions will wait for another day.  Truck G!  Another one to check off my list, huh, honey?’

‘Alright, Ricky, let’s go.’

The blue-and-yellow-clad couple headed out of the trailer, leaving Johnna to herself for the rest of her shift.  Only an hour.  A six-hour shift altogether.  Based on the traffic today, her pay could very well come out to $75.  That’s 1/4 of rent in the Jungle.  Not so bad for a day’s work.  Three more days like this, and rent was covered, then just some extra money for—for—

Dammit.  That man, Ricky, had opened a wound.  She was now feeling guilty for thinking about the type of food she knew she would spend the extra money on.  But her weight—it wasn’t all just food, was it?  It was her genes, it was the fact that she couldn’t afford a gym, it was the fact that she hardly had any money, and the money she did get went to the survival of herself and Charlie.  And adding on to everything, she just didn’t have the time.

Yeah, screw him.  Johnna stuck out the rest of her shift, received her tips for the day, and walked down 11th street to Slick Business, the coffee shop across from the Government Building on the New Idaho Mall.  She went to the desk and ordered a Large White Chocolate Mocha with whipped cream.  The coffee shop was still busy at this time of day, but she found a spot to sit on the second level.

As she sat down with her coffee, Johnna flipped through different news articles on her Lenses, but her mind kept coming back to that man in the Museum today.  He had asked her if she liked working there, and if she had tried to get fat so she could have that job.  He had a point—if she lost weight, she would no longer be an Oddity.  The Government was basically paying her to stay unhealthy.  And if she was unhealthy, she wouldn’t have the energy to get another job.  When she looked at it that way, it seemed the Government was basically keeping her captive.

Johnna did a quick search for “New Idaho Government” and looked through the most recent news articles—nothing she wanted.  She tried “New Idaho Government Terrible”.  Now she was getting somewhere—certainly someone had thought like her.

One of the first hits caught her eye:  a website for a group called “NIANS”—New Idahoans Against New Slavery”.  She opened the page.  On the left side of her lenses, hovering over the table in front of her, was an image of a black stone fist raised into the air.  On the right side was a sort of manifesto.  She skimmed through it.

NIANS, apparently, was taking a stand against what they believed to be a new form of slavery or indentured servitude—the low-income government work programs, also known as Guaranteed Basic Income.  They argued that most of these jobs were demeaning (something clicked for Johnna when she read that one) or traumatic.  After that was a long paragraph explaining the negative effects of Mineshaft on the population, specifically the youth.

At the very bottom of the page, Johnna saw a call to action:  “NIANS hopes to eradicate poverty through common sense solutions.  We plan to force the New Idaho Government to raise our minimum wage to the federal level, something that should have been done a long time ago.  Additionally, we plan to ask for an increase in wages for those serving in such traumatic and degrading programs as MineShaft and the Museum of Oddities.”

Johnna’s eyes lit up.  she hadn’t known what she was looking for, but this was it—a way out for her and her son—a chance to never work again—NIANS.  As she drained the last of her Mocha, Johnna waved her hand over the link:  “How Can I Volunteer?”

[yeonchi]

Doctor Who Series 11 Review: Prelude

I’ve touched on the topic of Jodie Whittaker being the Thirteenth Doctor late last year and fair to say, my views haven’t changed. I said that I would see how she does in the series before I make any judgements, and what better way to do that than with this new review series?

In this series, I hope to answer two questions for myself:

How does Jodie Whittaker’s performance set the bar for other Doctors after her, male or female?

Will the so-called “SJW/feminist/diversity agenda” affect the way I see and think about Doctor Who?

Given the fact that I don’t post or reblog a lot of Doctor Who stuff (since I only follow their official Tumblr and not a lot of their posts come up on my feed), this will probably be a first for some of my current followers. Those of you who know me by reputation will probably think that I would make a rant series either supporting or opposing the Doctor being female. Unfortunately, I don’t feel passionate enough about this series or this topic to justify making such a series - besides, there are more than enough people talking about this already.

Here’s how this series is going to go. Every week, I’ll be posting my thoughts on each episode of Series 11 and rating them on a scale out of 10 with half-points if necessary. I’ll also be doing this with the 2018 Christmas Special and later the rest of the Thirteenth Doctor’s run if I think each series is good enough to warrant a continuation of my reviews. Please note that each review will have spoilers, so the content will be hidden behind a cut - you will have to enter the post to continue. After the break, I’ll be stating the background behind this whole thing and giving a few thoughts about the trailers. Please feel free to follow me if you wish to follow this review series.

Background

The casting of Jodie Whittaker has been an unprecedented and controversial experiment for Doctor Who. While I do feel some concern for the show and the fanbase, I actually don’t mind having a woman as the Doctor, particularly since we have seen cross-gender regenerations in the show. However, I think that there should only be a female Doctor after at least three or four male Doctors (so, based on an average of 4 years per Doctor, then every 12-16 years) - I’m a bit “meh” when it comes to every second Doctor, but if they do two female Doctors in a row, that’s when I know that the “feminist agenda” has probably corrupted the show, particularly given that Jodie Whittaker has identified as a feminist in an interview. Call me sexist if you must (though I would say that your assumed judgement is misguided), but I think that the Doctor’s predominant gender (that is, the gender for most of his incarnations) is male, and I quote this line from the General in Hell Bent as a basis for my belief:

“Oh, back to normal, am I? The only time I've been a man, that last body. Dear Lord, how do you cope with all that ego?”

Yes, I’ve heard from some commentators that this line has some misandric connotations, but I haven’t really thought much of it since it’s just a throwaway line to me. Basically, I’m trying to see both sides of the debate so I can understand why some people feel a certain way about the casting of the Thirteenth Doctor.

Up to this point, I’ve tried to steer away from any leaked material or sneak peeks relating to the new series - though I have watched a trailer or two and read a few news articles - so that I can do this review series on a clean slate with minimal bias as possible. I haven’t watched any shows or movies featuring Jodie Whittaker, including Chris Chibnall’s other drama Broadchurch. However, I have been concerned at the way Jodie Whittaker has been lauded for her role before the series was even broadcast. I get it, she’s the first female actor to play the Doctor, but can’t we just wait and see how she does? The gap between the announcement of her casting and the premiere of the series has only served to promote division and toxicity within the fanbase. The same goes for those on the other side of the debate.

Now, over the course of the build-up to the series, a lot of people have said some shit, including people working on the production team, people working in the media, fans who support a female Doctor and fans who are against it. One reason for why I’m writing this series is because I’ve seen some critics in the final category comment on the “SJW agenda” in Doctor Who. With this review series, I want to see for myself (to the best of my ability) if this agenda has really affected Doctor Who in the way that these critics have claimed. 

In the past couple of years, I’ve tried enlightening myself to the criticisms of political correctness and the social justice warrior (SJW) culture so I can understand why people opposing these concepts have their views. At face value, it may look like some people are opposing feminism, diversity or religion when in actuality, they have a deeper and more complicated reason for doing so. However, because I’ve been mostly unaware of a lot of these things before then, chances are that I won’t be that well-versed in those topics. We shouldn’t have to care or worry about these things, but the current social and political climate is making these issues hard to ignore.

From observation, people are okay with diversity, it’s just the way that they are going about it; filling quotas instead of hiring/casting based on talent and ability, pointing out the character’s identity every episode or using their identity to define them instead of giving them individual personalities. Like I said, I’m a bit dense in that regard, so it can be hard for me to pick up where diversity is actually being forced. Therefore, I would appreciate if people on both sides of the SJW debacle (toxicity will not be tolerated) pick up on anything I may have missed if they happen to stumble upon this series.

At this stage, I’m being carefully neutral towards everything that’s been going on, but if it becomes clear to me that the show is pushing an anti-male/pro-minority agenda, then my opinion on the series will probably change.

First thoughts on the cast

The first time I heard Jodie Whittaker, I thought she sounded like a deeper version of Jane Horrocks; think of her character, Fifi Forget-me-not from Fifi and the Flowertots, but 25 years older. I thought I wouldn’t be able to get that comparison out of my head, but after a few months, I managed to convince myself that their voices weren’t that similar.

Bradley Walsh is better known as the host of the ITV game show The Chase, which is broadcast daily on Channel 7 in Australia in addition to a local version on top of it. Even though I watch the show sometimes and like the format of it, I would never have thought that Bradley Walsh was an actor until I heard that he was cast as one for the new companions on the series.

Mandip Gill and Tosin Cole are new names to me, but they have been in a few other UK dramas. Given the diversity of the new cast, I have heard complaints that their casting (alongside Jodie Whittaker’s) was part of a “forced diversity agenda”. At this time, I don’t think that it’s a problem for me, but I’ll be watching to see how they do.

Looking at the trailers

Up to this point, I haven’t seen much of the Thirteenth Doctor to justify me giving a verdict on her yet. Heck, even her first scene in Twice Upon a Time was just her saying “Oh, brilliant!” then the TARDIS just starts exploding, causing the Doctor to fall out of it just as it disappears.

The trailers still aren’t enough for me either, but I’ll quickly run through them and state a couple of thoughts about them. Trailers are just scenes and lines taken out of context, so judging something based on that is probably jumping the gun. Regardless, here goes...

Series 11 Teaser, 15 July 2018

In wisps of light, we see the Doctor (Whittaker) taking a fish finger from Ryan Sinclair’s (Cole) plate and dipping it in his poached egg, giving Yasmin Khan (Gill) a pizza and replacing Graham O’Brien’s (Walsh) newspaper with a copy of The Beano from 1981.

Then we see some text - “The universe is calling”. Calling for who, I wonder?

And then the Doctor materialises for a brief moment before the trailer ends.

I’m hearing a few Northern voices in the teaser, so no doubt it’ll be set around that region. Okay, according to this article, the first episode will be based in Sheffield, so I’m a few months late to raise that mystery. Still, this is a divergence from the series’ usual setting in London.

Series 11 Trailer, 19 July 2018

The Doctor: “All of this is new to me. New faces, new worlds, new times. So if I asked, really, really nicely, would you be my new best friends?”

“Best friends...” Not sure if they’re phasing out the word “companion” because they think it’s outdated, because when I think about the two, I realise that the word’s getting a bit old as well. Then again, the companions that the Doctor has had over the years have been his friends, and some of them have been his best friends, which can be seen from the way he reacts to losing them or when he is about to lose them. Take a look at the Tenth Doctor with Rose or Donna, the Eleventh Doctor with Amy and Rory, and the Twelfth Doctor with Clara for reference. Sorry if I hurt your feels with the videos in the links, but you can’t say that I didn’t warn you about the spoilers. Is it just me, or have the companion parting scenes been done in two stages?

Once again, this is a trailer, so I can’t infer much from it. Regardless, it looks okay; it’s nothing that special for me (I’ll probably be saying this a lot throughout these reviews).

Release Date Trailer, 7 September 2018

A pop song in a Doctor Who trailer? Now that’s an unprecedented move to appeal to the kids. Nah, I’m not much a fan of that idea. The breaking windows and glass ceiling? Part of me thinks this is a metaphor for the Chinese/Japanese word for “unprecedented” (破天荒), while another part of me thinks that it is a metaphor for the “glasshearted” (玻璃心) fans who are against a female Doctor. The Doctor’s reaction and smug smirk kind of backs this up as a jab to those fans. Boy, don’t look in the comment section of that video.

Series 11 Trailer #2, 20 September 2018

The Doctor: “I’m the Doctor. When people need help, I never refuse.”

That’s nice.

Man: “Why are you asking her?” Ryan: “‘Cause she’s in charge, bro.” Man: “Says who?” All: “Says us.”

I’ve been hearing some complaints about the “feminism” in this scene, but if we take the Doctor’s gender away from the equation, then we have seen in the series that the Doctor takes charge when he has to, or if he is not available, gets his companion(s) to do it for him. At this point, I think these complaints are based on a scene taken out of context, so I might come back to that one when I’m doing the review for that episode.

The same song from the previous trailer is reused in this one - the song is “Glorious” by Macklemore featuring Skylar Grey, by the way. Disregarding the song and aside from the one scene I pointed out, there doesn’t seem to be any other problematic elements. Given everything I’ve learned, however, I’ll be treading into this series with caution.

Anyway, that is it for the introduction. Next week will be the review for the first episode of Series 11, The Woman Who Fell to Earth.

[societypress]

A Newsbroke Exchange

Newsbroke Video: Horrible People Who Are More Deportable Than Immigrants ***If someone can please show me how to embed videos into this BLAHG, that would be great.  But, in the meantime, please click thru the link above to see what stimulated the following exchange.  Francesca, you're reading my mind!  Let's talk about deportation!  If you're parking your ass on a street corner day after day, you deserve a parking ticket!  By the third offense, you get one last ticket a one way ticket to a third world country where people actually have a justifiable reason to beg.  Meanwhile, the soup kitchen is right over there.  They serve twice a day.  So, why is it your begging?  Because it sure as hell isn't paying the rent.  You're here every single day.  Imagine what that kind of dedication would get you if you actually got a job.  You might still not be able to afford a place to live, but you would gain some dignity.  America, where everyone gets a blank canvass, and some choose to write "Homeless & Hungry" on it and call it a day.  The amazing thing is, people buy it.  But, you know, Donald Trump IS the president.  So, go figure. ~Gabe

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September 8, 2017 ·

I bet you can think of some people we should deport instead of immigrants. Let us know and help instate #DAHA.

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Stephen Rosenberg I love Scott Walker.

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Gabe Newman I love Francesca Fiorentini!

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Jade Swendsrud · Friends with Nate Koep

Did you know that a illegal immigrant is already 100% guolty

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Gabe Newman Did you know our ancestors are?

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Jade Swendsrud · Friends with Nate Koep

Yes, they where born here too

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Jade Swendsrud · Friends with Nate Koep

Remember, your favorite socialist, the British came here and took over, the natives should have defended it better.

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Gabe Newman Weaponry. The only SUPERIOR white trait! Think about it. How much money is there in the world? And, who created it? Get back to me.

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Jade Swendsrud · Friends with Nate Koep

Not my problem, stop living in the past!

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Jade Swendsrud · Friends with Nate Koep

Tough to move forward when all you guys pick apart the past! There was plenty of hate back then, and now the left carries on that tradition

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· Reply · 7h

Gabe Newman Our president brings back the past.

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Jade Swendsrud · Friends with Nate Koep

The one that was ripped from us! Go to Venezuela if you love socialism so much

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Jade Swendsrud · Friends with Nate Koep

Because there is plenty of us that will defend our country

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Gabe Newman Why do you conclude I'm a Socialist?

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Gabe Newman Because, I call a moron, a moron?

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Gabe Newman You're never gonna have a mansion man. And, do you really want one? If so, why?

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Jade Swendsrud · Friends with Nate Koep

No, I can just tell that you wanted Bernie, call me what you want, does not matter to me! I do not like to take money I did not earn.

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Gabe Newman Maybe, because I already said that, but I didn't vote for him either. When he got ripped off from the nomination by the woman who talks like a man, and the Super Delegates, he LOST me when he then went and embraced her afterward. Of course, Bernie is always trying to think of the greater good. So, I understand his move, but did not respect it. She is a SNAKE, and her name isn't Donald, but he does have a Queen's accent doesn't he? Funny, how the both of the two Chief Egomaniacs exhibit qualities of the other sex. In terms of Socialism, let's just do the math, and first of all acknowledge under pure Communism (when Socialism achieves world wide adoption... which is NEVER) there wouldn't be any money. Money is part of the Capitalist game. But, hypothetically speaking, if you took all the money in the world and divided it equally (and I'm not suggesting we do) then everybody would get about $20,000. Hardly enough to go around, and mathematically impossible for everyone to be a millionaire, or to even make six figures, not even $21,000 apiece. So, what you should see from that is that money is scarce. That is why it is concentrated in the hands of few, while the crumbs of keeping the system going "trickle down" only enough for those who have more than most to say, "Try Harder", when they don't even understand this. They actually think they EARNED it! Well, some do know this, and they just laugh at the masses scrambling to make a buck, nowadays some working three jobs to live in a trailer park, and now expected to buy health insurance too, based on the false idea, the myth of self-sufficiency. It's a lie Jade. So, to call me a Socialist is unfounded, prejudice, and typical for any loyalist of either Hillary, or Dumb Donald. I do like Bernie the most and see him as the "most" genuine person of all politicians, besides now Jeff Flake, on the other side of the aisle, but if you believe the minimum wage will solve our poverty problem, you might as well believe either Communism, or Laissez-Faire economics is a possible reality. More likely, would be Laissez-Faire economics, but we'd have to return to the days of the pioneers when the rule of law could not really stretch across the land and people lived and let live. Otherwise, in a society like ours with many people gathered in cities everywhere, the rule of law will be present. Communism, in whole, Socialism being in part, will never exist except in concept, in my opinion, because it ignores the truth of the human condition which is to be selfish, and lazy. It also ignores and denies there is a God. Therefore, judging humans as basically good, when they are basically coming out of the womb screaming and crying for somebody to do something for them, namely, feed them. But, that's fine. Babies cannot take care of themselves, and they require Mom, or somebody, step in. This is part of the village concept really. Nobody can take care of themselves. It takes a team, until someone can stand up on their own and walk, and then run! So, what I am, is a believer in the system as we have it structured right now. It's a balance between the free market and the social safety net. Since money is concentrated in the hands of a few, and it is mathematically impossible for everyone to be a millionaire, then the wealthy must cough up enough to keep those at the bottom alive and well. Well enough to consider ourselves a civilized society, but that's just my opinion. Otherwise, we should just slaughter the poor and be done with the whole problem. But, to suggest everyone just try harder is naïve, or cold, and cruel hearted. No, I'm not a Socialist, but I'm not a McMansion Capitalist either and that's what we have today. Everybody should have their own mansion, right? It's impossible, unless you got rid of money and we all worked together to build everyone a mansion, but who really wants one, and that would never happen anyway. The best we can do is live as more modest capitalists. If I ever get my own place, I'll tell you what, my apartment will have a sign over the door, that says, "The Mansion". So, please don't call me names when you have no idea what you're talking about. We have people scrambling to get by and working harder than ever to the point of diminishing returns. I am a member of the working poor. This is an economic fact, while the 1% are living large and think everybody else should be too while never doing the math. 20% of Americans work in corporate America. That's a nice lifestyle to live, but it provides a false image and sense of security for society as a whole. But, if you're fortunate enough to live in that world, you might just start to think everyone lives in a swim and tennis community, when all you gotta do is drive a mile outside of your dream world and see your nearby trailer park, where most Americans actually live, or some other less than desirable neighborhood. SHARING is a moral obligation of a system that has $1 for 100 people. The value of a dollar is determined by the people at the top. Fortunately, in America, our poor live like kings compared to the rest of the impoverished world. So, what we really need to be saying is Make America Grateful Again, and wake up the blue collar people buying this man's lies. Bottom line, if you've made more than $20,000 in your lifetime, you're rich! You've made more than most people in the world can every dream about. In fact, you're not just rich, you're blessed. The problem comes when they now want us all to fend for ourselves again, but the price of health insurance costs more than the rent. Since, most people don't work in corporate America where you get it for a small contribution comparatively, plus your deductibles, it is unaffordable, and a sign that the game is either over, or about to collapse. When people cannot provide a decent living on forty hours a week, then something is drastically wrong, and that's where we are. Oh, and one last thing. In a socialist state, where everyone is an equal owner of the farm, company, factory, there aren't any fat cats making 300 times what everybody else is. Everybody gets a fair share because everyone contributes. This is probably the biggest misconception that many Americans have about Socialism. It REQUIRES everyone work. What you're complaining about people not earning is called WELFARE. It's not the same, but people so often label WELFARE as SOCIALIST, it has been commonly accepted as true, and nothing could be further from the truth. Therefore, not only do I support the idea of welfare recipients being required to work in order to keep their benefits. I also believe welfare recipients should be sterilized after two years on the taxpayers dime so as to prevent the breeding of the next generation of recipients who will also be without any real upward mobility. No, I'm not a Socialist Jade. I'm a realist. And, president Trump is a real moron. Peace.

from BLAHG, BLAHG, BLAHG!!! http://ift.tt/2nAsm5Y via IFTTT

[gulescamisade]

New York: Day 3

ROSE: -She steps out of their temporary base in the alleyway to examine their surroundings-- some of the humans and paler, lumpier humans are milling around with a lot more purpose than before. Tugging on door handles and banging on windows, still silent and still with those awful, rictus grins. The blimp is flying lower than ever before, low enough that it'd almost seem like it would snag on the red towers high above them.-

JAMISON: =Has a bat now, he probably found it. 5 bats. Everyone gets a bat, but he watches the blimp=

JUDE: -ENHANCE ZOOM on his binoculars, eyeballing that blimp...-

ROSE: -holding a bat-

ROSE: ...Jamison, why on earth do these appear to be deemed contraband?

JOHN: -he's eyeing all the towers in the area. did they decide a place to land the zepp if they get it?-

JOEY: =She has one of those heavy duty flashlights in one hand. It is off, so as not to draw attention, but it's solid enough to whack a mole if need be=(edited)

KANKRI: -Peeping out from behind Rose at the blimp lowering. Yikes, whoever is driving it is not very careful.-

JAMISON: I haven't the slightest but I can say they've got a bit of a heavier hit if you catch my drift! =nudge nudge=

ROSE: I... yes. I gather. ROSE: I'll keep that in mind.

ROSE: Something feels off about this.

[ ALSO: REGARDING ZEPPLIN PLANS: mostly to get out of the city. They'll find that it's VERY large, and mostly consisting of buildings too hostile to tether it too, and, worst of all, with some pretty steep walls penning everyone in. ]

JAMISON: I believe it's fair to say plenty is off here, however they are rattling things in anticipation.... I wonder if some sort of drop off is going to be made from the blimp to the masses.

ROSE: ...Do you suppose that would make this an ideal time?

JAMISON: Better than any I'd say!

ROSE: -She looks towards John, and nodding.- Right then. ROSE: We will try to non-violently depose the blimp captains and-- see things from there.

JOEY: =she nodded= agreed

ROSE: Presumably see to taking things violently, if our past experiences are any indicator.

JAMISON: =Lifts net= Right-o!

JOHN: allllrighty.

JOHN: -rubs kankri's back for luck.-

JOEY: =sighs= i was somewhat hoping for the utilization of stealth, but =hefts the flashlight in her hand= lets do it!

ROSE: -She's gonna hold her hands up, attempting to lift Jamison and Joey with her, psionically.- ROSE: We can certainly try. Don't hold too much hope.

ROSE: This scheme is well in the vein of harebrained.

JOHN: if something goes wrong don't be afraid to scatter. we have our comms!(edited)

JAMISON: =THINKS LIGHT THOUGHTS to try and help her= We'll be fine and have it swung about in two shakes Missy! :D

[ They begin to RISE INTO THE AIR. It's probably fair to mention that the air is a bit... hazy, perhaps. But it isn't the typical kind of smog, even if it stings the lungs a bit as they ascend. ]

JAMISON: =HIS LUNGS ARE READY=

[ Something does, however, seem to be very off. The people still aren't paying much attention to them, but some seem to have given up on trying to maintain their grinning faces and broken into an outright fleeing panic, as the lights illuminating the massive flavortown blimp turn red. ]

JOHN: -Although Rose's psiionics lift them up, John is helping support with the Breeze, which billows under them. It feels light, fresh and tingly, helping to dispel some of the dirty feeling of the grease and haze.-

[ It does alleviate the stinging sensation! For a few moments, anyways. Something on the underside of the blimp seems to visibly open, slots visible even from their relatively low altitude as, rather suddenly, a massive, thick cloud of red smoke billows towards the ground with tremendous force. ]

ROSE: Wh-

JAMISON: =TAKES A BREATH, BRING IT. TOSS HIM IN!=

JOEY: =she's coughed from all this dirty air, but once the people below began to scatter, she glanced around wildly for the source=

[ It hits VERY SUDDENLY and very hard, stinging the eyes, nose, and any open wounds, if they have them, with a gale force to send them tumbling directly back onto the street. It smells of-- well, a lot of different kinds of spicy peppers, with disturbing chemical aftertaste that's incredibly hard to place. ]

[ The haze seems to absolutely COVER the ground as they hit it, no less, nothing visible scarcely ten feet in front of them, in all directions. ]

JAMISON: =Good thing he doesn't have eyes but he does cough because GOODNESS that sure is something. Spits out what got into his mouth and goes to stand back up, looking down at himself= E-gad! We've been SEASONED!

JAMISON: =Shakes fist at blimp= YOU BEST COME TENDERIZE THIS BEEF, IT'S MIGHTY TOUGH!!

JOEY: =wheezes, coughing, eyes watering= fuck is this

[ Some of the ambient noises of the city grow a bit... rhythmatic in their movements. It's still painful and difficult to see-- but something IS coming. ]

JOHN: -Oh no. Thsi is the exact opposite of a good thing for John. He feels like he's drowning, like his brain is shutting down. For a second he almost drops out of the air.-

JOEY: going out on a limb here....maybe we should run too?

JOHN: -But the Breeze catches him. Thakfully it has a bit of a mind of it's own.-

JAMISON: =Wipes his glasses and looks around, READY 2 TUSSLE= Run from what??? NEVER.

ROSE: -She's too busy coughing to add much input, as slowly shambling figures begin to become visible through the sickly red haze.-

[ If the other ones were zombies... then these creatures were a lot more zombier than that. It's hard to tell through the smoke, but their bodies-- golden brown, like they've spent a round in a deep frier-- with chunks of skin replaced entirely by breading, and dripping some kind of hot sauce or marinara. It's very hard to tell. If it wasn't hot sauce before, it was now. ] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3diEBFsjo8&feature=youtu.be

JOEY: =she feels a bit sick, actually=

JAMISON: =He's gonna charge in and fight them, there's no.... wait... his kids..... ERR......= Hop on up to the roof my ducklings!! I've got this!!!

JUDE: -WHAT THE FUCK ACTUALLY-

[ You've got THREE WHOLE ZOMBIES ON YOU, ACTUALLY. ]

JOEY: =um no????=

JOEY: =high kicks a zomboo in the FACE=

JAMISON: =PUNCHES ONE IN THE MOUTH= Chew on this you battered nightmare! =Kicks another one=

[ The zombie's come apart in a cloud of even more spicy dust, even as they continue to circle around the group in what can plainly be called a HORDE. ]

JOHN: -FWOOOOOOSH. For a sec, he focuses on BLOWING ALL THIS SHIT OFF HIMSELF. So he can see, and breath and think. The wind he summmons is so powerful that it also rockets him forward. Then he ROCKETS BACK DOWN TOWARDS THE GROUND, intent on dive bombing one of those zombies.-(edited)

JOHN: -he brings along with him a wave of air.-

JAMISON: =Brandishies his bat and SWINGS= HA! All dus-! =COUGH COUGH, SWINGS BAT AND SMASHES WHILE COUGHING=

JOEY: =laughing at her dad's antics= hahaha-=coughcoughcough= haha!

JOEY: =she bonks another zombie with her flashlight=

[ The air brings some THANKFUL RESPITE from the stinging cloud, even if it's already seeping back down in incredibly thick waves. A breath of fresh, untainted air and a moment of clarity from the haze, and the group can see some manner of vehicle on the west end of the street-- it doesn't look like the trailers ferrying meat before, but there are distinctive headlights and large, thick tires for plowing through the horde. ]

JOEY: (nope nope nope nope nope nope) =she's out, she's shoving and kicking zombies out of the way while trying to make a break for it away from this truck. Grabbing Jude's hand - she wasn't planning on getting separated from him again, Joey peered though the painful haze to try to get to a narrow enough alley the truck could not access.=

[ Joey can find alleyways, SORT OF, but the rapidly diminishing sphere of clean air makes it hard to judge how wide they are. ]

JUDE: -reeling back in whatever direction is AWAY from the vehicle, but his hand seems to instinctively reach out to take joey's-- like they had the same plan. he gladly follows her.-

JAMISON: =!! He's going to get out of the way= Quick suggestion, we take that truck there! It seems very useful!

JOEY: =She takes one anyway, taking the first turn she can, continuing to weave through the streets in order to lose the truck. Is anyone following? She's not turning to look.=

JOHN: -He just hates everything. This spicy hell is fucking up hi swhole life. he won't feel right for quite a while after breathing all that crap in. and the headlights cutting into his eyes is the last straw. he YELLS ANGRILY and charges, a little ways above the truck, swept along by all the wind power he can muster.-

JOHN: -Iiiiiiit's hammertime-

[ IS HE HITTING THE TRUCK ]

JOHN: -ye-

[ I AM GONNA HAVE TO ROLL A DICE FOR THIS ONE ]

JOHN: -ROLL FOR MICHAEL BAY-

[ It's not quite Michael Bay, no, but it's something PRETTY SIMILAR if nothing else. ]

ROSE: -She is not following, actually, she is probably going with jamison TOWARDS the truck.-

JAMISON: =Time to take the truck, but yes, he's running for it. What are the doors on this bad boy like?=

[ John's hammer collides with some sort of armored windshield-- it's plain from the force of the impact and the explosion of shards that this isn't just any kind of street cleaning vehicle, that's for sure. There's a troll inside, in fact, whose eyes go wide as he sees John, Rose, Jamison and the chemicals seeping in, letting out a loud "O|H| FUCK!!!!!" as he whips out something from his side-- something that looks like a gun, but with a bit of a sci-fi kick to it. The sci-fi kick being something analogous to a tazer mixed with a bolt of actual lightning.]

[also, the doors are, unfortunately, slightly too far away. The breeze moved John REAL dang fast to the truck.]

JAMISON: =HE HAS A GUN TOO MOTHERFLIPPER, a POTATO GUN. FWUNK!! Fires at the window=

JOHN: -practically meets eyes with the guy. hi there! :O but when he sees he has a gun, he dislodges his hammer (jn a spray of broken glass) and swiftly retreats to the TOP of the truck, not doing naything else for a moment while he tries to catch his balance.-

JUDE: -peeps out from the alley, squinting to try to get a better sense of what's happening out there- hhhhnng...

KANKRI: -He's wheezing because zombies and pepper haze but also john what the FUCK-

JOHN: what? he's HELPING.-

JAMISON: =John your buddy seems worried=

KANKRI: -You better not get yourself killed or hurt or anything, Kankri is a nervous wreck in the alley.-

KANKRI: -Hes all the way at the edge of it watching in horror.-

SOME GUY: AUG|H|!!! -The troll ducks, slamming something on the console of his truck. A big red button by all appearances. The ground under John seems to shift-- something beginning to open up under his feet. It's rather fast, swinging upwards, and looking like a large metal bin-- with a swift scooping motion it would slam John into its empty insides, before attempting to slam DOWN on top of Rose and Jamison, penning them all in.-

JOHN: -YELPS IN SURPRISE AND DISMAY. THER EHE GOES.-

KANKRI: -HHHHHHHHH.-

[ They're all probably dismayed. AND IN A BIG PILE ON TOP OF EACH OTHER. In a weird metal bucket coffin. ]

JOHN: -PROBABLY COUGHING IN THEIR FACES, HIS EYES STREAMING. sorry he can't help it.-

ROSE: -it's ok she's pretty bad too here-

JAMISON: =CONFINED.= Oh of all the! =How HEAVY? is it? Jamison is going to immediately try to hoist it back up with his weird old-man strength=

JOEY: o_o

[ PRETTY. The machine groans and struggles, but it seals shut underneath them, too, before swinging upwards and tossing them into the back, like a REALLY SHITTY GARBAGE TRUCK. ]

JOHN: -FLWUMP-

[ It is a disorienting tumble for everyone involved, even as the troll driving it can be heard coughing and cursing and rousing the truck to move again, faster. Bashing into the sides of buildings as he convulses a bit. ]

JOHN: -ENRAGED YELLING- HEY LET US OUT YOU -COUGH- PILE OF CRUSTY TAINTS!!!

JAMISON: =Dumped in here into this garbage. What's in here?=

[ Oh, they're still in the bin. It's just that the BIN is dumped in the back. It appears to have gotten a new bin attached to the front as it wobblingly and shakily lurches on its uneen path forward. Gonna attempt to run down Kankri and scoop him TOO. ]

JOEY: psst!!! JOEY: jellybean!

JOHN: -SLAMMING ON THE WALLS AND COUGHING AND SCREAMING- your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!!! also, you're a fuck face!!!!!!

KANKRI; -This is not good. This is so far from good, what does he DO?? He takes half a step out of the allyway because John is in trouble and he needs to do SOMETHING-- Oh wait, nope here comes the vehicle. Hes going to try and run, but lets all be honest with ourselves, hes not fast enough to get away. Hes getting scooped.-

[ SCOOP. He tumbles into the back, and his container bashes into the other three's.-

JOEY: =jellybean, nooooo=

JAMISON: =UGHHH, actually stops and thinks when they're BASHED=

JOHN: -shuts up for a sec because he's slammed with a kankri bomb-

KANKRI: -SORRY GUYS.-

JUDE: oh JESUS

JUDE: they're going to deep fry us too!!

JUDE: AND THEN THEY'RE GOING TO EAT US -clinging to joey still-

[ The ominous headlights pull into the alleyway. The truck seems to fill the ENTIRE THING, JUST BARELY. It's almost as though the city designers build them to be traps like this.]

JOEY: RUN!

JUDE: -HE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!!!-

KANKRI: -He presses his back to the wall of the container hes trapped in and is dead silent as hes listening for any sound from the others trapped in the first container.-(edited)

[ IT IS TOO LATE. They, too, are scooped. ]

[ A final clatter flings them all into the back. ]

JOHN: do you think that's them??? -panicked slightly, because he's imagining them run over by those big tire treads T___T

JOHN: HEY GUYS. CAN YOU HEAR ME? IS THAT YOU? ARE YOU ALIVE?

JOEY: gah!! nooooo!

JUDE: -JUST. YELLING.-

JOEY: =they're alive=

ROSE: It... sounds like them, yes.

ROSE: -taps on the side of the container.-

JOEY: =deep inhale= NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

KANKRI: !!!! -Hears the yelling and tapping and moves over to the wall closest to everyone else.- Yes!! F9r the time 6eing yes.

JOHN: OH....GOOD!

JOHN: UH, DON'T WORRY! I'M SURE WE'LL GET OUT OF THIS! -muffled-

[ The back of the truck, the air smells more of the chemical than the spices. It's... a much more sedate feeling. Maybe a little bit TOO sedate. The kind that makes you just want to... completely pass out unconscious for a few days. No biggie. ]

KANKRI: (I feel like I have d9u6ts a69ut that...) Are y9u all 9kay in y9ur c9ntainer-- -Wheezes and starts coughing, the spicy air back here was so much worse then it was outside, he feels dizzy. And its not long before hes blacking out.-(edited)

JAMISON: OH NO SIR! NOT MY BABIES! =goes down literally swinging=

JOHN: WE'RE...WE'RE FINE I THINK. EXCEPT...THE AIR. -cough cough cough- I think it's....uh........-Loses his train of thought. FWOOSH. He tries to fill up the small confined space with fresh air, but he only manages it once. He's already breathed too much.-

JOEY: uh....... =cough= izzit just me or do things feel a little funny to you

JOHN: -ALREADY PASSED OUT-

JUDE: -definitely passed out after screaming so much...-