#hell ya dandy go off king

[docterzerocare]

hey, so uh. learned that q!Phil came back, and got inspired to write a thing with an oc, q!Dandy! :] my lil unicorn single parent <3 also, q!Dandy would make 100% make sure that The Federation can't gaslight Phil into believing that this shit didn't happen. they didn't freak out about if Phil was alright or not just to have The Federation just fuck with Phil's memories.

anyway, have The Concerned Parents Reuniting and Dandy Going Off To Potentially Get Kidnapped Kill A White Bear :)

--------

She heard that Phil had come back, and she doesn't think that she's ran over to his house so fast before.

Except when she first learned that Snapdragon had gone missing, because surely Phil knew where they were, right?

He didn't. Even worse, Snappy wasn't the only missing kid on the island...

They threw open the door to his house, hearing him let out a surprised 'caw' and seeing a few stray feathers go flying. He walks over to where Phil is, and he feels horrified at the sight in front of him.

Phil looked like shit, to put it bluntly. Bags under his eyes, red and puffy eyes from crying, and patchy, bloody wings.

Birds pull out their feathers when stressed, it remembers reading once. How stressed had he been? Had he even realized he'd been doing it?

While it's standing there, its son gasps in surprise. "Mr. Phil! You're back!" Ralphie excitedly rambles. He's about to rush over to hug the man before Dandy gently holds him back.

"Careful, Sweetie. Mr. Phil is hurt," xe quietly whispers to him, eyeing the avian's bloodied wings.

Phil gives a weak smile. "I-It's fine, mate. Just stings a little, that's all." A bit hesitant, Dandy carefully releases Ralphie, who then walks over to Phil and gives a gentle, yet firm squeeze hug. "We've missed you."

Xe stands there for a moment, a tired smile on xeir face. Before long, however, that smile fades into a frosty, cold look of rage. Phil stared at xem, concerned. "Uh...Dandy-?"

"That fucking bear did this, didn't he?"

Phil freezes. He's seen Dandy angry before. Really angry. He saw it when they walked in on ElQuackity standing over a creeper crater where Snapdragon once stood. Emphasis on once. Jaiden had to hold her back, as she screamed at him ("MY BABY! MY BABY BOY! SNAPPY- WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!"). Despite how hard ElQ had tried to insist that Snappy's death had been pure accident-wrong place, wrong time-Dandy didn't believe him. Phil has heard stories about Dandy having stabbed ElQ before he vanished off to fuck knows where and Quackity was returned to them.

Jaiden wasn't there to save him that time, that was for sure.

The other time...well, Phil witnessed that one first hand. And boy, has he heard that cold, calm tone of voice from Dandy before.

And unsurprisingly, it was also during a conversation involving Cucurucho.

(The unicorn stood before the bear, glaring up at them, ears flattened, and tail lashing. "If you so much a harm a hair on my son's head, and if I ever find out that you had something to do with my little Snapdragon being gone, then I'll burn that fancy building of yer's with you inside of it, ya hear me?"

Cucurucho just stares at them. "Ha ha ha. :)")

He tries to deescalate things a bit. "Dandy-"

"He was, wasn't he?" He sounds pissed, not that Phil can blame him. "You know, I thought it was a coincidence, with Big Q and all. But then it was Jaiden...then Snappy...and now it's you."

Still holding onto Ralphie, he seems scared, specifically for what's potentially about to happen to them. "Dandy look, I know that you're pissed-"

"Darn right I'm pissed, Phil!" She sighs. Taking a deep breath, she walks over to Ralphie and picks him up. She has a sad look in her eyes.

"Ralphie, Sweetheart, Mama has to go do something."

He tilts his head. "What's that, Mama?"

"I just...need to go talk to someone." She hands him to Phil. "If I don't come back, you'll stay with Tubbo, Mr. Bad, and Mr. Phil, okay?"

"Mama?" He sounds worried.

She smiles. "No matter what anyone tells you, Mama loves you, Sweetie. Can you promise me that you'll never forget that?"

He smiles up at him. "Of course, Mama!"

With that all settled, he stands up. Phil sets Ralphie down before moving after him. "Dandy, Dandy, don't do this, you know what happened to me-"

"I don't care, Phil, I'm sick of this shit."

As Dandy heads back out the door, a clear purpose in mind, Phil tries to follow after xem. "What are you even going to do, mate?"

Xe turns back before heading off to who knows where. There's a fury in xeir eyes. "To kill that fucking bear, hopefully."

----

q!Dandy is pissed.

Oh damn 👀

[causeicanmakethedevilcry]

snk 139 lol

Last time ever talking about this, because if ya’ll can’t tell, I hated the assassination of Eren’s character and all the plot holes that Isayama I guess purposely left out. He really said let’s end them all, and he meant us the fans.

In truth, to my last post about possible endings, I got one thing right. We been knowing that young Grisha was the one in the last panel holding baby Eren, with the words “You Are Free”. Though if anything, these wasted pages managed to ruin eleven years of astounding storytelling with many contradictions mostly taken and done by Eren’s words and I suppose explanations of his actions the last 20 chapters we have been stupidly reading.

First of all, how he retells Armin about how Ymir wasn’t a slave, and suffered greatly under/serving King Fritz...because she loved him? What? Excuse se mua? Slave child r*ped and killed, but all is fine and dandy because she was the one there? That was when I though “Fuck off Isayama”. Let’s not even begin where the hell she is right now or what she thinks or what will become of her. She’s has been left out, in the trash, in the dust.

Secondly, I still can’t quite process how Eren reacted to Armin about Mikasa in the most creepy of ways of “I can’t see her with another man” (and the fact that it came out of nowhere?) Together with the fact that Eren committed the Rumbling because of her answer back in chapter 123? So...not because of Eldia, and his need to have his people freed? He backtracked eleven years of work and dedication of a character that wanted to change the ways of his people...to a friendzoned little crybaby wannbe Lelouch Zero Arc? Embarassing.

Though we got Eremin peace and almost their love being proven. If honest, I cried and loved their hug and last goodbye. That should’ve been endgame couple. They were the real love story, fuck. They made more sense in my thinking.

Thirdly, I am grieving Mikasa too. We can see her leaving with Eren’s severed head to bury him and spend the rest of her live alone by ‘their’ supposedly tree. Wow. Quite something else, and you bet I was horrified. For Isayama to tie Mikasa’s character entirely to Eren and end her story with such crude awful end. In chapter 138 I believed Mikasa had become a new way of “strong shounen girl” but I see I was wrong. It was about giving in to fanservice, and not make the crowd go wild about their apparently true love. She is the heroine no? To yet again grab a women protagonist and tie her all to the male protagonist, because all her Arc is romance and blah blah. She couldn’t even stay or do anything during the three years after The Uprising Arc? I don’t know, but she deserved way better than become a widow that mourns till death about her sibling-lover.

Isayama really kept his promise when he said he was out to betray his fans.

Lastly, Historia being sidelined...that’s it. Her entire arc was her being pregnant, but given no goddarn reason. She gave birth during the Rumbling, because...because. And only being given two last panels of her, because...because. We never got her side of the story, or how she was involved in the plan of the Rumbling with Floch and Eren, not even her reaction to his death. The girl that saved him. Though, I take it back, I am super glad she is alive and stayed alive and living happily with her daughter and even, with a husband who I assume she loves? Good for her. Unwanted, but needed indeed. 

The only silver lining besides getting to see Aruani ending, and Levi seeing his comrades and Hanji, together with Gabi and Falco. Also seeing Sasha smile, and Jean and Connie living and being them? Thanks for the crumbs Hajime.

Alright yall, signing off this damn fucking fandom. Gonna watch euphoria and cry, to try and forget this entire shitshow. Waiting for Shadow and Bone show to drop, and hopefully receiving more good news later on.

Its’ been a pleasure (not really) but anyone else’ opinions are welcomed. See ya.

PS: Eren...a bird? Lol.

[azucanela]

HOLDING YOUR DRINK [GENDER NEUTRAL HEADCANNONS]

FT. AKAASHI KEIJI, IWAIZUMI HAJIME, SUGAWARA KOUSHI, TSUKISHIMA KEI

HAIKYUU!! MASTERLIST | 1K CELEBRATION MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: In which Y/N needs someone to hold their drink. 

WORD COUNT: 1.9k

WARNINGS: mentions of alcohol, mild violence, based on the tik tok trend, one curse word, nothing explicitly mentioned but be weary of the implications of drug use and such [lmk if there are any others i should include]

A/N: this is tik tok’s fault but yeah kjashdkjash

AKAASHI KEIJI

HEADCANNONS

ah. sweet, sweet, pretty boy akaashi

always pretty, but sweet? haha... thats about to change.

this is probably bokuto’s fault, akaashi feels the need to supervise him though, especially after that one time he left him unattended at a party and he jumped off the roof into the pool and nearly drowned because he forgot he could swim

yeah.

akaashi isn’t one for pda aside from the basic stuff like hand holding and maybe the occasional kiss on the cheek and he knows you are perfectly independent and thats all good and dandy, but even when hes being social and talking to his friends he still has one eye on you and one eye on bokuto

when you finally make your way over to him, asking him to hold your drink while you use the restroom, he simply nods to you, takes your drink in one hand, and covers it with the other, nonchalantly.

to say that akaashi, your boyfriend, is shocked when a random person comes up to him claiming to be your boyfriend comes up to him and asking for your drink, would be an understatement

almost instantly he calls out, “bokuto.” his voice is loud and firm enough that bokuto is looking in his direction almost instantly, ceasing his dancing on top of a table. when akaashi waves him over, he gives him a look of confusion but ends up coming over to where akaashi and this stranger is

and he enters the conversation hearing the stranger say, “im their boyfriend and they asked me to get their drink now hand it over.”

bokuto, naturally, is confused goes to say, “wait i thought y/n was—”

“bokuto.” akaashi silences him with a look, extending the hand with your drink to bokuto, much to the chagrin of the stranger and only serving to further confuse bokuto, though he accepts the drink nonetheless.

akaashi wordlessly takes bokutos freehand and places it on top of the drink to cover the top, before turning to the guy, who had started complaining

and then punching him in the face

never in his life could bokuto recall a time in which he was scared of akaashi

until now

akaashi turns back around to bokuto, taking your drink from his hand and shielding it once more, as though he DIDN’T just resort to violence. 

you’ll never know this happened until one day someone talks about how akaashi is the calmest and kindest person ever and bokuto is like HA REMEMBER THAT TIME YOU PUNCHED THAT GUY CLAIMING TO BE Y/N’S BOYFRIEND IN THE FACE?

gosh darn bokuto that was supposed to be a SECRET you SNITCH

IWAIZUMI HAJIME

HEADCANNONS

HASDHJGAD

THESE PPL GOTTA BE DUMB TO EVEN TRY LMAO

oikawa probably dragged iwaizumi to another party or something and iwa-chan over here was like bruh there is no way in hell that i am the only person that is going to be sober while dealing with a DRUNK oikawa, thats too much to handle alone

so if oikawa doesn’t make you go, then iwaizumi will, for his sanity please agree to go. he’d never force you but PLEASE, he can’t do this alone.

honestly iwaizumi is the perfect person to hold your drink ngl, he’s definitely sober at whatever party he does to, not the type to drink your drink on accident or on purpose, our boy iwa is perfect per usual

you probably tell him you gotta use the bathroom and ask him to hold you’re drink and he’s like, “yeah, of course. take your time, i got it.” and then you leave, he is now standing alone, leaning against a wall. he’s holding your drink, with his palm covering the top while scrolling through his phone with his freehand AND watching oikawa to ensure he doesn’t accidentally decapitate himself because iwa MULTITASKS

a few people probably try to hit on him and he’s like no <3 im in a committed relationship have a nice day <3 

and then some random guy approaches

now iwaizumi is a very intimidating person so im shocked this person had the BALLS to even try but they start spewing nonsense about how you told them to come retrieve you drink from him 

at some point the guy probably implies that you’ll be going home with him and thats when iwaizumi sees oikawa passing by, releasing a laugh before calling out for Oikawa, “hey! shittykawa come here!”

oikawa is pouting but he comes over and sees the guy and is like, “oh whos this iwa chan?

and iwaizumi is laughing again as he gestures to the guy and goes, “apparently the guy whos taking y/n home.”

and then he goes, “do me a favor and hold this oikawa.” and oikawa is handed your drink, something that raises questions in him because why iwa chan?

he doesn’t have time to ask of course, because iwaizumi has already rammed his fist into the stranger’s face, effectively knocking him into the floor. ah the power of the ace of aoba johsai :)

he definitely would’ve kept going, threatening the guy as he wrecked his face until the message got through his thick skull, had you not arrived and witnessed the mans bloody nose, stopping iwaizumi from continuing

“he’s not worth it.”

“no, he’s not. but you are.”

i am in love with iwaizumi lol

anywho

you’re drink is very safe with the one and only iwaizumi hajime. 

SUGAWARA KOUSHI

HEADCANNONS

IM CANT BREATHE THIS MANS

y’all are visiting home since you’ve been off at uni for quite some time now, the gang is back together, daichi, asahi, kiyoko and a few others y’all met through volleyball in high school

you and suga have probably been in a relationship since you left high school, because it took y’all three years to figure yourselves out. its basically just reminding each other to ya know... take care of yourself mentally and physically

and of course, now that you’re all of age, you go to a club, maybe a college party that a friend of a friend is having

regardless, suga is always going to have an eye on you, he’s gonna know your exact location at all times. though he isn’t going to follow you around or anything, everyone once in a while he’ll drop by, hand on the small of your back while you talk to some old friends—or new ones idk maybe you’re an extrovert. he’s checking on you though! he asks if you’ve eaten, have you been drinking water, is there anything you need, are you feeing okay?

then he’ll press a kiss to your cheek and leave to go hang out with daichi and suga, they’re all just sitting on the couch, maybe with some new friends too, maybe with old ones from his karasuno days 

you come over, all like, “babe would you mind holding my drink while i go to the bathroom?”

he’s like yes ofc ofc, and he takes your drink, probably sits with his elbow resting on his knee, holding the drink between his legs with his other hand over the top of the drink. he’s pretty subtle about it, you wouldn’t notice as he just nonchalantly takes the drink from you and carries on the conversation that there’s a small furrow in his brow because why is the world like this, you shouldn’t need someone to hold your drink

everyone would honestly forget the drink isn’t his

now if someone happened to come over claiming to be your friend or maybe even a potential hook up— something sugawara would laugh at as your boyfriend, probably pretending to be intrigued by the idea before revealing who he is — well let me just say... 

a lot of people forget that out lovely mom friend and resident king, sugawara koushi, is also so very very very chaotic person.

which is why i KNOW when you hand sugawara that drink, if anyone even TRIES to take it from him, to ask him for it claiming you sent them, he will bark. suga WILL bark, he learnt how to just for this situation. he will also hiss. 

moral of the story: i trust sugawara koushi with my drink

TSUKISHIMA KEI 

HEADCANNONS

rip to whoever thought TRYING was a good idea

anywho

tsukishima did not want to go to this party, you probably dragged him to said party, and he only went because its you that dragged him to the party. 

he’s probably vibing alone in a corner or something, maybe engaging in conversation on occasion if someone he tolerates happens to be at the party, otherwise he’s stuck to you like glue, just following you around, arm over your shoulder, shameless pda as he wraps his arms around you and lays his head in the crook of your neck as you talk to your friends

then you’re like lmao babe free me i need to use the bathroom, also watch my drink, and he’s like okay FINE be that, and he takes your drink and watches as you make your way through the crowd of people

he’ll probably wait by the bathroom for your return because ew people he doesn’t want to have to socialize— especially not alone. and if anyone tries to socialize, hit on him, anything, he’s really just gonna straight up make it clear that he is not in the mood

it doesn’t really occur to him to cover the drink until some random person comes up to him

claiming to be a friend of yours and having come to collect your drink for you

there are several issues here, first of all, tsukishima was fairly sure he knew all your friends and he did not recognize this stranger at all, and he was pretty sure if he asked their name he wouldn’t recognize that either

secondly, tsukishima knows you would’ve come to get not only your drink but him because he made it very clear that if you abandon him at the party to fend for his own he would be rather unhappy

so when tsukishima questions the person some more and realizes his suspicions are correct, they are in fact; a liar. he laughs. he genuinely laughs because wow YOU THOUGHT you could fool him?

idiot.

he’s covering your drink with his palm— because he isn’t going to set it down? that’s just plain dumb, and tsukishima isn’t dumb. no, he’s covering it with his palm, and then using his free hand to grab this stranger by the neck and slam them into the wall he had just been leaning on because he needs to make it very clear that lmao this is NOT okay :D

this guys feet almost lift off the ground but tsukishima probably towers over the stranger because he’s a tall guy, and suddenly he’s threatening them, telling them that if they ever try something like that again they won’t be leaving the party.

“tsukki?”

hey look its you! 

tsukishima offers the strange one final, warning of a smile, before patting their shoulder awkwardly and stepping away from them to turn to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder before nonchalantly just saying, “lets go. this is lame. oh— and here’s your drink.”

tags:

@therainroguefanfiction​ @beifongsss​[girl idk if you even asked to be here but like now you are bc i forgot akjshdsajkdbs oops] @iwaizoom​ @shawkneecaps​

[cometcrystal]

favorite & least favorite scooby monsters by series

stipulations: the racist ones (zen tuo, the witch doctors, etc) would all get “least fav” by default so i’m gonna exclude them from this list so i’m not being redundant. we all know the racist ones are the worst. so these are my least favs that aren’t like. problematic.

ALSO it has to be a person in disguise OR an actual monster. it can’t be a villain that’s grounded in reality. so while i love professor huh, he doesn’t count here cause he’s a human and just Like That. likewise, i hate pericles, but he doesn’t count here cause he’s a bird and thus neither a guy in a mask nor a monster

sdway

fav - honestly a tie between the space kook and charlie. literally the GOATs. legends. 

least fav - THE ZOMBIE. FUCK THAT THING I HATE IT SO MUCH IT DOES NOTHING AND YET IT GETS MERCH

new sd movies

fav - moat monster. its just a big ol frog!

least fav - the ghost of redbeard. come the fuck on guys

the rest under the cut

tsds

fav - 10000 volt ghost and the technicolor ghosts. ik theyre just recolors of the giggling green ghosts but THEYRE ICE CREAM THEMED!! the creepy heap from the deep is also scary to me like if i saw him i’d run. honorary mentions are the skeleton men bc theyre cyclops but scooby doo doesnt care about calling stuff what it is and i think its funny and also i like the pterodactyl ghost. this show had a lot of good monsters

least fav - the rambling ghost. i dont dislike him but i dont rly DISLIKE any of the monsters from this series so i just picked the sports-themed one

scooby & scrappy

fav - the star creature. this thing is SO damn cool and unique. i also like the neon phantom because... what a weird concept

least fav - the blue scarab. BORING

new scooby & scrappy

fav - i guess the great white shark wins be default because i dont really care abt any of the others from this series. this show’s strength was daphne being back, not the monsters

least fav - phantom of the soaps. what a fucking loser

new sd mysteries 

im gonna keep it real with you chief! i was looking over the list of monsters and i literally dont remember a damn thing about any of them so i must have been disassociating for this entire series

13 ghosts

fav - DEMONDO. a comic book monster??? GOD thats so cool

least fav - nekara. dont take van ghoul away from his kids they need their dad

pup

fav - stinkweed cause i think its one of the only plant monsters scooby has had so far. also the design is very good

least fav - headless skateboarder. simon seville voice marijuana an unlawful substance used to experience artificial highs

wnsd

fav - the leeland brothers but i think its just because i love the chase song from that episode. also the mystery machine because i like when the mystery machine becomes evil and twisted. AND the toxic terror because fight capitalism + good design

least fav - headless snowman. it’s not even headless for god’s sake

sdmi

fav - the entity is honestly a shoo-in. name another scooby villain more evil and with as much impact. honorary mentions are the ghost truck, junk, the horrible herd, and the cicada monolith for some truly unique and scary monster concepts, and to the manticore for being marcie. sdmi had a TON of good ones

least fav - daphne’s writing wakka wakka. for real though fuck the dandy highwayman

bcsd

fav - the ghost of mother wins by FAR. probably the only tv scooby monster that actually legit creeped me out. also the rebooted space kook bc he’s had a glo up. bcsd also has a ton of good monsters!

least fav - the yeti bc the joke about it making no sense was funny but also the yeti itself doesn’t really do that much

guess who 

fav - i love the just so fucked up and twisted sia. its just sia but now shes evil. ALSO the screaming skulls of london & the dinosaurs in weird al ep are very good

least fav - the man-bat because it’s not even the actual dc man-bat it’s just the fucking joker again

scrappy era movies

fav - mirror shaggy. WAY better than werewolf shaggy imo

least fav - i wish i could bash in the skulls of reluctant werewolf’s version of count dracula and his two minions

zombie island era

fav - giant turkey :) & phantom virus! extremely cool monster he’ll zap ya!

least fav - as much as i LOVE the visceral horror and discomfort when fred rips off the zombie’s head cause he thought it was a mask, i just dont care about any of the monsters in zombie island

wnsd movies

fav - the loch ness monster. GENUINELY impressive. also the ghost of cleopatra bc god queen shit. bonus points go to everything in the goblin king

least fav - the chupacabra because THE CUPACABRA IS A DEMON DOG, NOT A BIGFOOT!!! and the yowie yahoo because THE YOWIE IS A BIGFOOT, NOT A VAMPIRE!!! literally how hard is it to do a google search before you design a monster

2002 & monsters unleashed

fav - its gotta be the 10000 volt ghost again. he’s my man

least fav - THE ZOMBIE!!!!!! FUCK THIS THING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

cartoon network live actions

fav - the ghosts in the first movie SO good guys theyre SO good

least fav - shelma

2010s dtv movies

fav - THE PHANTOSAUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELL YES & the red ghost from the bobby flay movie is also extremely good imo i LOVE its design. & the multiple phantoms in stage fright. literally name something more iconic than the multiple phantoms

least fav - the big top werewolf.......scooby doo one of the things i love most dearly about you is when you make out-of-place monsters WORK (ex. a gryphon in a stage magic movie) but i really want something more exciting for a circus movie

dtv 20min shorts

fav - cornfield clem is my boy because i never cared about scarecrows before i saw this and he made me care. he and the scarecrow in scary stories to tell in the dark both showed me scarecrows can be interesting. thank u clem i love you.

least fav - i like all these monsters but ill list the sea monster here because just drink him up lol

[bluebellhairpin]

The Girl Who Knew The End {17}

Thorin Oakenshield X Fem!Reader Watching, Waiting, No More

Chapter Fifteen // No King to Me 

Chapter Sixteen //  (You’re Here!)

Chapter Seventeen // My Brother, My Father, My King

A/N: *sobs* there's only nine more parts to write after this. We’re really on the home stretch now guys. I’m gonna miss writing this, and it isn’t evEN OVER ET! - Nemo

Warning(s): Death. Angst. Descriptions of the effects of fire. 

Summary: (y/n) decides to go find Fili, and bring him home - whether that means carrying a body or helping him walk, she doesn’t care. But when she gets to Laketown, she get’s a little more than what she bargained for. 

Series Masterlist  

Masterlist  

[Like my writing? Want to support me? Why not buy me a coffee? Times are hard now, so I don’t expect you to. Only if you want.]

It didn’t take you long to pack your things, especially since you never really unpacked. But before you could leave, two brothers stood in your way.

“Move, please.” you said, closing your eyes with a tight sigh.

“We want to know exactly what you’re planning to do.” Balin said, stepping forwards, down off the crumbled rocks of Erebor’s gates. “You can’t just go and expect everything to be fine and dandy. What if you do find Fili?” You looked up at Balin, pursing your lips together.

“I’ll know what to do.”

“You won’t.” Dwalin said, speaking softly, “Nothing can prepare anyone for what you might find if you go, even if the person is as special as you.” 

You looked down at your feet, holding your bag a little tighter, then stood up straight, looking between them both.

“Even if I find the worst, he still deserves to come to Erebor. I’m still bringing him home.” They looked between themselves, having a silent conversation in a way only siblings could. You wondered if you could do that with Legolas. 

Dwalin then came to you, wrapping his arms around you in one massive hug. You practically sobbed right there. He was warm, and welcoming, and felt exactly like a friend would. You hadn’t been hugged since the night before you left Laketown. 

At this point, after everything you’d seen, you were cracking at the edges. Nothing was going like it should be, and nothing would after this either. 

The Woodland Elves chased after the Company longer than they were supposed to. Orcs were after your blood as much as they were after Thorin’s. Thorin’s dragon sickness seemed to be worse than before. Fili was dead. 

Nothing would go by the script anymore. 

“You’ll be okay.” Dwalin said, pulling away and holding you at arm's length. “Do you need one of us to come with ya?” 

“No Dwalin,” you said, shaking your head as you wiped your eyes, “You need to stick with Thorin and Kili. If anything happens to them -”

“- We’ll look after them.” Balin said, smiling as he patted your shoulder. “Just look after yourself.” 

“I’ll do my best.” 

----------

Erebor looked beautiful from where you were. 

Looking back at the mountain from over the ruined Dale properly was something you decided to skip on before, you looked a little longer now. The destruction was still the same, but there was some beauty behind it. Sometimes things like this were less destruction, and more clearing a path for rebirth. Now there were refugees from Laketown there, faintly seen, but still there. 

But you knew you couldn’t stay long. If Fili was still alive - as unbelievable as it was - he might not have long left. So you went back on your way again. Laketown was behind you, some parts still smoking, and a lot of it was complete ruins, even from the distance you stood. Hell, you even had a lake to cross to get to the ruins. 

To your right you heard a noise, still faint, but still there. What you saw made your heart both sink and almost beat out of your chest. 

Thranduil was coming.

But you weren’t going to wait around for him. You had a dwarf to find - you were not going to Thranduil. 

You kept on walking, stones and grass both flattening under your feet. You kept your head down, clutching your cloak around you further. It was cold, and stopping to gawk at Dale didn’t help in keeping your blood circulation up. 

“Princess!” someone called behind you. You turned, now only walking backwards. You were not stopping. 

“Who are you?” you asked, looking up at the elf - clearly one of Thranduil's guards - who had ridden over to you. Further behind him was Thranduil. He obviously wasn’t going to make the effort to stray from his path - honestly neither were you. 

“I am Maether,” he said, circling you as you walked, “The King wishes you to join him.” 

“I am not joining him, I’m going to Laketown.” you said, stopping as you looked up at the elf, him stopping in front of you, “You can tell him he can either help me get there or leave me alone.” 

Maether looked at you, slightly shocked, before smiling slightly down at you, nodding once.

“As you will. I’ll tell him.” He rode off, and you kept walking. Until you heard him coming back with someone else. You sighed deeply, closing your eyes as you stopped again. You didn’t feel like talking at all, let alone to some elves that wouldn’t leave you alone.

“Listen - Maether - I don’t want to go with Thranduil, I need to get to Laketown, so just tell your King that -” Your words caught in your throat, having turned around now you could see that Maether wasn’t there at all. It was Thranduil, looking down at you with a smile in his eyes, and a riderless horse beside him. 

“Tell me what, my dear?” he said, letting the smile reah his face as he tilted his head at you. “That you can or cannot use a ride to get to Laketown?” 

“I would - I would use it! But, why?” you asked, coming closet to take the reins from him. “I thought you were against dwarves?”

“Maybe.” He said, shifting in his saddle. “But you’ve reminded me it shouldn’t matter, grudges don’t get anyone anywhere. You’re mother was a lot like you when she was here. Selfless. Kind. She looked after her kin - just like you.” 

“I can’t thank you enough - really.” You said, somehow managing to mount the horse and get somewhat closer to his level. “I wish I could repay you, but I have to go.”

“May I ask why you’re going back there?” Thranduil asked, nodding to Laketown as he turned his elk back to his army of elves. “Aren’t your dwarves in the Mountain?”

“One isn’t. I need to find him and bring him home.” He frowned at that.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“They say Fili, the Heir after Thorin, has died. I don’t believe them.” you explained, looking over at the Lake rather than him. “So I’m going to find him.” 

“You may need more than one horse to help you, if you’re so sure. Will you need me to send someone to go with you?” Your brain seemed to short-circuit. Would you actually need help? 

You had already said no to Balin and Dwalin, but that was because their place was with Thorin and Kili, not with you. Could you need the assistance Thranduil is offering? 

“No, I think I’ll best do it alone.” 

“Very well. You’ll know where to find us.” Thranduil said, nodding at you once more before starting off to his kin, shouting back to you one last time. “Stay safe!” 

----------

The trip down to the Lake was easy enough, especially with the horse. He was a very gentle and nice horse, and since Thranduil didn't tell you his name you decided to give him one. 

Tom Hiddleston seemed perfect. 

Your next challenge was getting from the shore to Laketown. You had no idea how to do that, and you had no idea what to do with Tom Hiddleston. Would he stay where you left him, or would he go back to the elves? 

“Where will you go, hm?” you asked, holding onto the reins. You took his head in your hands, having already dismounted, and looked into his eyes. “You seem smart enough to do the right thing, don’t you?” 

He let out a nicker, then sighed, bumping his head with yours. 

“Okay, okay. Don’t get into trouble.” you said, laughing lightly as you let his reins go and then searched for a boat. Finding one wasn’t hard. Figuring out how to use it with one person was. But like everything else over these past months you sorted yourself out without losing too much more time.

Rowing was the hardest part, since you weren’t exactly used to it. You tried remembering what Bard did - he had a pole-thing, one used to move the barge. Your oars weren’t big, but there was a larger oar in the boat with you, and in its own way that worked better. 

Despite rowing being the hardest part, the worst part was actually getting to Laketown. By now it was hard to see, the darkness of night had reached you - but that still wasn’t the worst of it. You could stop the darkness with your own light.

Death was everywhere. 

Buildings were burnt to ash. Soot covered everything. There were bodies both in the water and on the wooden walkways. Some places were still burning, days after they were first set alight. 

Anyone that didn’t make it out before now would be dead - if only from the amount of death they were surrounded by. 

But you weren’t going to give up yet.

“Fili!” you called, waiting in hopes of something in reply aside from the water lapping at your boat and the small crackles from the torch in your hand. “Fili, are you there?” 

Eventually you couldn’t differentiate between the cracks in your voice and the crackles from your fire. 

You boat stopped, caught by something in the water. You thought it was probably just ruins - that’d happened at least twice by now - but when you placed your torch down at the water to see how you could remove it, you jolted back. 

Your heart was beating up your throat, and you had to remind yourself Smaug was dead, and the dark of night was helping play tricks on your mind. 

After all, it was only his body. 

You peaked over the boat's edge again, taking another look. His eye stared back at you, blanck and glassy. 

He wasn’t any less scary in death, but he did seem a little more harmless. Like seeing a shark in an aquarium - you know it can’t hurt you, but the respect for what it could do is still there. 

“Sheesh Smaug,” you said, your breath festering in front of you in puffs, “You’re one big dragon.” You looked ahead, seeing where his body landed. Crushed buildings lay in its wake - both large and small. 

If Fili got caught under the dragon, he’d be dead for sure. 

“Fili!” you said, mustering as much strength as you could to try and project your voice further than before. And for a moment you got the same reply as a millions of times before - silence.

But then there was a crash, and a very distinct moan of pain. 

“Fili.” you breathed, not believing what you heard. Could that really be him? 

You pushed the boat off Smaug and towards a dockable part of the ruins, tying it to a pole as quickly as you could before jumping onto the wood deck and running to where the noise came from.

“Fili?” you said, rounding another fruitless corner. Maybe you were just hearing things? “Fili, please, tell me where you are!” You screamed, tilting your head back to speak to the stars above you.

A grunt came from your left. It was close. But now you were close you could tell it wasn’t Fili. It wasn’t even a man’s voice. You came here for Fili, but if there was another survivor, then what kind of person would you be to leave them here to die if they could be saved? 

“Hello, anyone?” you called again, and another noise came. You followed it, keeping a hand tight on your sword just in case. You stopped at a supply-closet type of room. You lent against the door, there was definitely someone inside. But what were they doing in a  closet?

“Hello? I’m going to let you out, if that’s okay?” you told them, somehow thinking that could calm them down. You tried the handle, but found it was locked. 

“The hard way then.” you said to yourself, placing the torch against the wall, and took your sword out. You swung at the lock, and again, and again, before it finally came loose enough to break. 

You pried the lock off the door, leaving a nice hole in the door to use as a handle instead. With nothing left stopping you, you swung the door open. What you saw almost made you fall into the water behind you.

“Mom?”

----------

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[mrneighbourlove]

Band of Pirates: Ch 1. Next Stop, Hyrule

“Captain. We’re coming up to Hyrule now.”

“Aye. That’s good. Our pursuers? They catching up?”

“We’d have to ten minutes into shore before they’d catch us.”

“Ok. Redd. I’ll watch the little ones. You need to go up to the crows’ nest and fire and S.O.S flair towards the shoreline. Hopefully the rich land of Hyrule can give us assistance. Or Captain Corsaire if we were actually right about his location.”

“As you command Captain.” The Gerudo on the small ship scrambled about. They were not about to go extinct here.

~

On the shoreline of Hyrule, fishermen were working hard to become acquainted with the new Lorliedian refugees. This new union of traditional work and magic for wishing was taking some work. Coming around a corner they saw a ship on fire.

“What the-“

A viewers moment was cut short when he saw an emergency flare go off. Quickly, he rushed to find any sailors that could assist.

Corsaire was rather enjoying his new occupation. King Ganondorf and Queen Zelda had presented him with the task of building Hyrule's first navy. He was now the Admiral of the Hylian Navy. It was rather strange to think this was part of the condition of him marrying Orana. First, he had to give up piracy, second, he had to command their navy, and third, he has to present himself as an honorable man to their daughter. Supposedly, he passed the test with flying colors... or either the elder blonde prince was pulling his leg. The man liked to have a bit of faith in Orana's intimidating family. Of course, he was able to barter for his crew as well. Rat worked in the smithy with Asakonigei and helped teach the rookies how to wrestle. Acrobat was tasked with making rope for the new ships being built. Pockets aided Orana in running her animal sanctuary. Mojo and Juju both decided to run the trade routes, that way, the brothers could stop at the Firdosa Islands and see their family more often than not. Bomba oversaw the production of gunpowder for the canons. Everything was running smoothly...

Until someone started screaming fire.

The newly promoted Admiral hurried down the docks, seeing the ship on fire. Ordering the sailors left and right, he managed to take out one of the recently constructed ships, the Siren's Allure, to the one calling for help.

When the Allure came close, a bell was furiously run by a young Gerudo woman with gold trimmed hat and long flowing red hair. “Everyone jump aboard! Everyone jump aboard! Scarlet! Get your ass out of the nest!” Smoke was everywhere and fire was starting to take apart the integrity of the ship.

Corsaire maneuvered the ship close enough for the women to come aboard. He had his sailors lay down thick boards to where some could walk over to the deck. A few swung from ropes and others had the agility to jump from ledge to ledge. "Those of you who need a medic head below deck! Those of you who are fine and dandy, do a head count! Make sure everyone is safe!"

Scarlet jumped aboard first. Finally, Adda joined them. With three Gerudo babies attached under her arms in slings. “Make way!”

Once everyone was on board, and he had confirmation, Corsaire led his ship back to the bay and docked it. "... now you're a face that I didn't expect to see around these parts." He addressed Adda. "I have to admit, it's pretty ballsy of you to come into port after what you did to the Danjuran Prince."

“Prick had it coming. I really mean it when I say it’s good to see you Captain Corsaire.” Looking around, the man could see she had a significantly smaller crew this time around; 11 woman in total.

"I hate to sound all doom and gloom, but what happened?" Corsaire asked Adda point blank. "Your ship is now at the bottom of the sea, your crew is severely diminished, and---" A wail from one of the babies interrupted him. "... you're a mom?"

Adda smirked, hiding something deep down. “Where’s Rat? Need to ask him something.”

Corsaire sensed trouble. "He's not here. At least, not at the moment." Corsaire motioned for the ladies to follow him. "As Admiral of the Hylian Navy, it is my duty to ensure you are cared for, as far as injuries and a place to stay for this night. Then, you will be on your own. I don't know what you are going to do since your ship went down in flames, but I'd advise against you stealing one of these unless you want a bullet."

“Admiral of a navy? Who’d ya fuck to get that position?”Adda teasingly tapped his crotch before looking back with a glance at her crew to see how they were holding up. “Perhaps you can send the reptilian marauders chasing us to hell for an old friend, eh?”

"I married Princess Orana Dragmire." Corsaire swatted her hands away from being too touchy. "And unfortunately, I am not to engage any other ships in port unless said ship fires upon us first."

On que, the monsters did just that. “Corsaire. There are some people that’d commit genocide to have me dead.”

Outside, a pirate ship of Dinolfos and Aerolfos screeched with bloodshed as they were motivated on by their leader, Captain Eltontor. “Leave no ship unsunk! I’ll see that redheaded Siren singing her last swan song on this day!”

Grumbling under his breath, the Admiral started barking orders left and right. While the Hylian navy was just getting started, the defenses in the port were top notch since that incident with the kraken. It was not long before a barrage of cannons was firing upon the ship.

Adda directed her ladies to help dismantle the lizards in any way they could. Joining Corsaire up on the bridge, she handed her babies off to him. “Excuse me. I need to do something personal.”

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Corsarie rushed after Adda, stopping the woman in her tracks. "There's no way in hell I'm watching these brats." He handed the kids back to the pirate. "And you can't step foot out of the port without risking being arrested."

“Mother fucker, yes you will!” She shoved the babies back, and this time, one of the Gerudo pirates held Corsaire firmly to hold him in place. Grabbing a rifle from one of her crew, Adda looked down the scope, scanning the chaos on the monsters ship. Aerolfos were being shot down or snatched up by one particular and hungry dragon in the sky. The rest of the lizards were running about to exchange cannon fire. When she saw Eltontor a deep wrath boiled in her soul, icing her concentration.

“The fleshies are no match for us! Concentrate fire on—— ZIIIP!!!”

A single bullet from Adda traveled across the sea between them and went in and out the crocodile’s right eye and brain. With a wet slump the monster went down, bringing more chaos to his crew. Snarling, Adda thrust the gun to one of Corsaire’s men. It was a start, but not the source of her anger. “Die yee bastards.”

As soon as the pirate had Corsaire in her hold, guns were drawn. Every single one of Corsaire's men had pistols lined up to fire, pointing at the heads of the Gerudo women and Adda. No one would touch the Admiral. Most of the men were convicts given a second chance thanks to the Admiral. A few he had rescued from a bad situation. Others, he gave them a job when no one else would. He had built his navy on loyalty. "... Adda. I'm going to very politely ask you to cease this nonsense and let my men and women handle this." Corsaire stated calmly, trying to avoid a shootout. "I don't want anyone else hurt."

Adda didn’t budge at the guns in her face as she lined up her shot and fired for the kill. Once she had her carnage satisfied, she relaxed. “Sorry. Girls. Stand down.” Adda gently took the three babies back, closing her eyes to rest for a moment. “That was something personal I had to do.”

"Personal or not, you need to think rationally in these parts. You're not on your ship, in charge of things, anymore." Corsaire gave her a fair warning. "And you need to think of the safety of your kids first."

“Well, that’s why I sought you out actually.” When someone shot to close to her girls, causing one to cry, Adda put all herself control into not kicking the man in the ass. “Can- can we go somewhere safe? Inland preferably?”

"Unless you want to get arrested, I'd advise you staying at the Rickety Inn in port." Corsaire told Adda, but looked at her crew. "All of you. And you," He pointed to Scarlet once more. "If you punch Seer like you did last time, I'll kick your ass."

“Arrested?! I don’t have any bounties in Hyrule!”

Scarlet flinched, not wanting to give rise to any more problems. With the fighting settling down, she took hold of one of the babies. “No sir Admiral sir.”

"Bounties or not, Danjur has close ties with Hyrule and if someone recognizes you, it will cause trouble. Don't make me regret being nice to you." Corsaire handed Adda a small pouch full of rupees. "This should be enough for you and your girls. I'd advise you be looking to move at first light."

“You owe use more than that.” Adda frowned as she glanced at the amount of rupees she got.

"The Rickety Inn knows me; they'll give you decent boarding for all of you in double beds for 50 rupees. Give them my name and that's money for food. Cheap grub there, I can feed my whole crew for 30 rupees." Corsaire scoffed, opening the bag, showing her. "It's three gold rupees, you ingrate. There's enough left over for the little ones to get diapers and such, and a few of you need new clothes." He gestured to a few of the women who were wearing rags. "I'm missing an arm, Adda, not blind."

“It’s not money you owe me. It’s a better place to go.” She had to play this card now or she might lose the opportunity. “Our first mates made a baby together.”

"...!" Corsaire was surprised by this news, but he took it with a grain of salt. "Listen, I'm not trying to insinuate names here, but you told me yourself that your girls have slept with multiple Voes." He was not going to be part of this argument. "I can put a bug in Rat's ear, but that's all. I don't want any trouble near the castle. The Rickety Inn is as good as it is going to get for now, until I can find out that all of you won't be arrested, shot at, or just thrown to the dungeons."

“And Scarlets the biggest maiden on ship. Trust me, it’s theirs. Maybe you can throw a good word for me towards the Queen and King. Probably got information they can use.”

"I will see what I can do, but I have very little power in the courts of royals, even though I married their daughter." Corsaire looked at the tiny girl that Scarlet was holding, yawning widely with those adorable eyes fluttering shut. "For now, for the love of the sea, please lay low."

~ At the Rickety Inn, Adda and her crew finally had a moment to catch their breath after a few weeks of chaos, hell, and death. An hour of reflection, tears, a few screams, and silence. For Adda, in private, she hurt the most. She lost her treasure, her power, but most importantly, her family. 80% of her crew, gone in a flash.

After breast feeding her babies, she found the woman gathered in the mess hall. Although they had the whole port to explore, they didn’t want to leave one another. Hinkel, Robertta, Freddy, Jasmine, Claire, Zaranna, Sabrina, Foster, Miranda, and Scarlet. They were all that was left.

A somber mood filled the air. Adda adjusted her hat, and gritted her teeth. She was their leader. It was her duty to uplift them. “Ladies... stand up.” All the Gerudo did so, their attention on her now.

“I’m sorry. I failed you. I was supposed to lead us to promise and glory. And I failed you.” Grabbing a pint of beer, she started to chug it down. “We lost our family in the power struggle. Lost it to some fucken nightmare beasts of hell.” Slamming the glass down, she looked them all deep in the eye. “But they made one mistake. They didn’t kill us all.”

The women glanced around each other, nodding.

“We Gerudo know death. We embrace it. Because we’re warriors. And better, use pirates know glory.” Her tone rose, and she pointed around the room. “As your Captain, your Chieftan, and your friend, I promise you this. Those bastards might have won today, and they might sneer at us and enjoy the spoils tomorrow, but there will come a day where we shall have our revenge! We will tear fiends apart, and carve our own empire to glorious salvation! So, I say this, a toast! A toast to our fallen sisters! And promise that in this lifetime, we will see them avenged!!!”

The stupor the Gerudo were in was replaced by adrenaline. With a mighty cheer, they raised their fists to the sky. As drinks were ordered around, they began to have a celebration the port would never regret of drinking, songs, and hope.

It was not long after news ran wild in the ports, that a few crew members of the Sea Witch decided to see some familiar faces. "LADIES!!!" Bomba kicked opened the door to the inn, slicking back his hair. "Who missed me?!"

"Bomba, shuddup." Rat bonked the young man on the head with his knuckles. "Be a-nice, these ladies have just gone through a-hard time."

"I think they might be looking for something hard."

"BOMBA."

"Let him have his fun, it's been ages since he probably got laid anyway." Seer remarked dryly as Corsaire led him into the Rickety Inn. "And pray tell, why did you bring me here?"

"I told you, because Adda's brood is here." Corsaire told his brother-in-arms. "I thought you might like to see her---damn it, I thought you might like her company again."

"Nice, Cap'n."

"It's Admiral now."

"I doubt Adda even remembers me." Seer was not too full of confidence. "Well, we'll find out, won't we?"

"And you thought I'd miss this shit-show?" Orana hung on the back of her husband's shoulders. "Friends of yours from back in the day?"

"Friends with bene-HMPH!!!" Bomba was silenced by Rat's hand over his mouth. "Just acquaintances."

Some the Gerudo actually smiled seeing the runt again. “Bomba!!!”

Scarlet paused her dinner seeing Rat, quick to set her food down and walk up to him. Seemed she had some more confidence now. “Mousa!”

"See? Dey remember the hot stuff." Bomba remarked with a smug smirk. "Couldn't get enough of me."

"They remember the short stuff." Seer snorted. "Short and to the point."

"Hey! I'mma fun-sized all over!" Bomba huffed indignantly. "You's just jealous."

"Sure, jealous of a pint-size."

"Get ya head outta the flour clouds, you's know I'mma good at what I do; making a bang in two different ways." Bomba chuckled with a grin. "In the canons and in the bed."

"... remind me how you put up with him all these years, Cap'n?" Rat asked Corsaire with a roll of his eyes.

"I contemplate homicide everyday, but remind myself of the benefits of having him around." Corsaire mused as Orana stood at his side. "These were the Gerudo pirates I told you about."

"It's odd seeing more Gerudo women... well, so many in one place." Orana admitted. "We honestly thought Cass might be one of the last."

As soon as Scarlet obtained Rat's attention, the ex-gladiator smiled. "Aye, there's me pretty lassie."

“Pretty?” Scarlet blushed, trying to not to become timid. “I missed you a ton you know.”

Adda smiled ear to ear and gave a hardy laugh when she saw Orana. “Rrrr! So, you’re the fine lass that broke through this fool’s heart ey? Pleasure to meet you. I’m Captain Adda. But if you don’t like titles, we can go by first names.”

"Course you's pretty." Rat assured her. "Buffest, prettiest, strongest lady on the ship." "The crew calls me Missy Orana, my subjects call me Princess Orana, and my husband calls me Spitfire."

Orana shrugged her shoulders with a laugh. "You can just call me Orana. I have too many titles."

“Well you really are a spitfire. Join us. Was about to have my first drink of the night.” Scarlet, grabbed Rat by the hands and pulled him in for a kiss. “Can you follow me Mousa? I got something important to show you.”

"Oh, no, no, no, I can't drink, not tonight." Orana declined. "I have to check on my newest addition; a female Molagani tiger. She got caught in a poacher's trap and lost her back hind leg. Got to make sure she gets acclimated to the sanctuary."

"NRRRROOOOORRRRWWW!!!"

Mahaan was never too far behind his mistress. The huge Molagani tiger chuffed as he walked into the inn, earning a few startled looks before Orana scratched his head, earning a purr from the creature. He flicked his tail, watching the people around him closely.

"And, of course, take this big baby home. He's been mooching off the fish vendors all day."

"Nyaaaah."

"Yes, you have."

"Mrrrow!"

"No, you've had enough."

"Mew!"

"No, be good."

"Nnnnrrrnnn."

"Don't worry, he's a softie. Most of the time." Seer patted Mahaan's head.

"To show me?" Rat repeated. "What to show me?"

Adda sulked throwing a friendly arm around Orana. “Listen, to put a long story short I lost all my drinking buddies. Heard rumours of a Gerudo legend that out drank Corsaire muttered amongst many a sailors in just the last year! I don’t suppose that would be you?”

"Indeed, that was the grand 'Missy Orana', my crew deemed her, and she had her head stuck in a bucket for the whole next day." Corsaire snickered, earning a scowl from his wife.

"It was the only way I could get him to take me to the kraken's nest and he procrastinated that task too." Orana pouted.

“Have just one drink with me? Chicken if you don’t.”

"Classic guilt trip and reverse psychology move, but I'm passing." Orana kissed Corsaire on the cheek. "Don't be too long. You have a meeting with Ralnor and Covarog tomorrow to discuss the expansion on the north side of the port."

"Urgh, don't remind me." Corsaire groaned. "Your brothers don't like me."

"My brothers are just overprotective."

“Booooo.” Adda tossed Orana a rupee with a wink. “I’ll save my drinking till you’re ready then.”

"You really shouldn't drink anyhow, Adda," Orana reminded the woman. "Alcohol can go into breastmilk." She tipped the pirate's hat down as she waved goodbye to her husband. "See you later for dinner."

Finally taking Rat to a private room, Scarlet fumbled with the hotel keys. “Think it was this one.”

Rat, on the other hand, was wondering if Scarlet had something romantic planned.

Opening the door to the room, Scarlet completely blindsided him. Picking up a sleeping baby, she held her close as she approached Rat. “Mousa. I’d like you to meet your daughter. Revy.”

Rat was expecting any bedroom activity, and a baby was the last thing on his mind. Jaw slightly agape, he tried to think of what to say. He was speechless. Logic told him that the Gerudo ladies liked to sleep around and he should be skeptical. Though, he did not think Scarlet was the type to lie. That was more of Adda's game.

"You... you's serious? Not pulling me fish hook?"

“I am. I really, really am.” Scarlet lightly shook with excitement. “Would like to hold her?”

"... she's... she's so tiny." Rat looked unsure of himself. "Me hands awful large. I don't want to hurt her."

“And mine aren’t?” Very, very carefully, Scarlet placed Revy into Rat’s arms to be cradled. She slept like a pearl.

"Scarlet, me's going to be honest with you. Me's never had a... childhood. A good one." Rat carefully used a single finger to brush some of the little one's hair from her face. "Not sure if I's going to be proper father material."

“Hey. Half my life I’ve been a pirate. Not the safest life, but I had a family with my crew. I grew up around mothers of all kinds. I can pick up the slack.” Scarlet paused for a moment. “Do you want to be a parent with me?”

"If... if we's going to be parents, then we's need to do this right, Scarlet." Rat told the Gerudo woman. "A mama has to be there for her child. She can't go off galivanting on the high seas. You understand what it means if you want to be a-parent with me?"

“I do.” Scarlet looked down at Revy, a sad look on her face. “I don’t have anything to gallivant to Mousa. Even if I wanted too...”

"I suppose, what me's saying is you are gonna have to a-put this wee one first," Rat stated, trying not to sound too harsh. "Not Adda."

“Well, Adda’s got her twins to look after now.” Scarlet snickered at the thought. Was still surprising to her that Adda wanted to keep them.

"Twins?" Rat repeated. "I's... assuming Seer is not the father?"

“No. He’s not. They ain’t blue.” Carefully, Revy was placed back in her cradle with her blinds closed. “You didn’t answer my question. You want to help me raise our daughter?”

"Course I do. Yet, like me said, I's wanting to do it proper." Rat then asked her suddenly. "Marry me."

Scarlet had her arms around his waist, but her face was blushing with surprise. “Just like that?”

"Sorry." Rat was flustered himself. "Tis not the most appealing way to propose to a lady."

“I do. But ask me again when you can make it so.” Scarlet pulled Rat down for a deep kiss, pushing him onto the bed room. “Girls made fun of me for waiting for you. I think it was worth the wait.”

"Psh, dey's just jealous cause you's got a man that can lift you and dey don't." Rat boasted. "And taller too."

“I could lift you too you know.” Pulling her top off, Scarlet pressed closer. “You gonna rock the inn with me?”

"We won't wake Reveka?" Rat asked, glancing at the snoozing baby in the basinet.

“She’ll sleep like a rock. Now...” she kissed him slowly, taking off his shirt. “Indulge me.”

~

Down at the bar, Adda trimmed the rim of her rum, thinking about what Orana said. Damn it all, she was right. Talk about a great mental space to have kids. Noticing Corsaire and Seer sitting down at a table, she sat down with them. “Hey Seer. Long time no see.”

"Like I haven't heard that one before---oh, look! Free beer!" Seer quickly pointed in the opposite direction of Adda's voice to make her look. Then, he grinned like an idiot. "Got ya."

‘You are an idiot’, an inner voice in her head told her. Shrugging it off, she smiled at him. “Not fair. I can’t drink. And I really, really, really want to.”

"You have to make sacrifices for your children." Corsaire was surprisingly mature about the whole idea of kids, but he did not want to take care of someone else's brats. He did want children with Orana one day, but right now, she was barely into her twenties. It was difficult enough trying to get Bomba to behave, and he always had to watch after his younger sisters and brother when he was a teenager. "Get a virgin strawberry daiquiri and be happy."

"Who's the father, Adda? Did you meet someone?" Seer asked. "I overheard the girls whispering that you found a hunk."

“A perfect man and a demon he couldn’t control.” Adda smirked, playing it cool. “Couldn’t let someone who couldn’t keep a lid on himself around my babies, now could I. Bartender! I’ll take the virgins!”

“Damn right you will~” One of her crew replied, getting a hooray from them.

Seer was not the biggest fan of drinking. He absolutely refused to do drugs. He was hoping his captain would take him away from this... triggering area. Luckily, Corsaire was able to sense Seer's discomfort. After bidding the women farewell, he locked arms with Seer and escorted him out of the bar. Rat could find his own way home.

“Wait, hold up!” Adda ran out after them, with her non alcoholic beverage in hand. “Don’t you want to actually catch up?” Adda actually sounded desperate. Just for a slight moment in her voice, despite what her body language showed.

"Are you speaking to me or the captain? I mean, admiral?" Seer asked Adda, turning around at the sound of her voice.

“Both?... You Seer? I mean, lot has clearly changed for all of us since we last saw one another.”

"As much as I love to catch up, I need to get home to my wife." Corsaire told Adda honestly. "I work enough as it is and I don't want Orana to feel like I'm ignoring her." "That's fine, go see Missy Orana, I know she misses you." Seer assured his friend.

“And you Seer? You got some amazing knock out with all her shit in a box waiting for you too?”

"Heh, I wish, but I've been working in the castle's kitchen to save up money to buy my own place." Seer admitted to Adda. "So, if I stay, I'll have to leave in a little while. I prepare breakfast for everyone, so I can't be late."

“Ok....” Adda smiled with sadness in her eyes, then a deep burden hit her and she crashed. “I... oh fuck this. I can’t drag you both into my fucking mistakes. I’m sorry. No. Forget you heard that. I- .... Maybe tomorrow then. Get me that all clear to come inland Corsaire. It was good seeing you too Seer. Got some babies to look after.” Turning heel, she stomped away back to her room not too far away.

"You know if you want someone to talk to, I'll listen." Seer called after Adda.

"Seer, you shouldn't get involved." Corsaire murmured to him. "It's old news, you shouldn't concern yourself."

"She just wants someone to talk to."

"I'd like that." Adda took his hand, quickening her pace to lead him to her room.

"Whoa!" Seer was surprised by her sudden tug, but allowed himself to be led to her room. The people here knew him and there would be someone to help him find his way to the castle later. "I just have to be back in the morning, so I'm not goign to drink or such."

Closing the door, she turned around and kissed him on the lips. She wasn't touchy with her hands on his body, and it came across as rather sweet. "That's my way of saying hello again."

"...?!" Seer was definitely surprised by the kiss. He was not expecting that, or any affections. It had been a long while. "I... honestly thought you probably forgot about me."

"Hey. It's only been shy of a year. No one's been really as sweet as you. And you were the last sweet thing to ever happen to me."

"Now I think you're just flattering me." Seer chuckled, feeling slightly embarrassed. "That was a nice night."

"It was. With all that's happened, it'd been easier if I had your babies instead, I think."

Now that comment really made Seer blush heavily. "I... um... that... uh... thanks?"

Heading to the twins’ crib, Adda rocked them gently. "Seer. Do you have any history with kids?"

"I... sometimes helped the ladies who had children at the brothel." Seer admitted, not liking the fact that the ladies were usually referred to as whores. Most of them were slaves, and could not control their occupation. He heard one of the babies coo. "I was good at feeding them or rocking them to sleep. Most of them were hesitant to let me care for them since I could not see."

"I wish I had a good mother. Good sister figures in the crew, but never good parents." Adda kept the slow rocking up. "Seer. How much knowledge did Corsaire share with you about different pirate clans? I know this is a very big world, so I wouldn't be surprised if you don't know."

"I don't know much. I just know there's a few different ones that have their own area they lurk in." Seer thought about some of Corsaire's stories. "That reptile boss from that set of gambling joints, the Gerudo ladies, the Firdosan Islanders that like to raid other pirates and cruise ships..."

"... I lost the Wind Waker Seer."

"... you lost it?" Seer repeated. "... I have a feeling I shouldn't ask how, but I'm going to."

"Same way I lost my spot in the war. To that demon on leather wings. Terror of the Sky and Sea: Onslaught." Adda stopped rocking the crib, her body going stone still. "I was still learning how to use the Wind Waker. I heard word of an ancient stone tablet that could give me the right song to tear ships from the water. I would have one the war for the seas in with just a stroke of my wrist. But I had a fucking turncoat that betrayed me and gave my location away to him."

"Onslaught..." Seer had heard rumors of that horrid dragon around port. "I'm... sorry that happened, Adda. Though, I hate to sound like the voice of reason, but... should you really be fighting now that you're a mother?"

"I thought I could quell the fighting to give my babies a bright future. Instead, I had nearly all my people killed or enslaved."

"We all make mistakes, Adda, but the bright side of all this is you're alive, your babies are all right, and you brought the rest of your crew to safety." Seer tried to help her see the positive outlook. "I know you're feeling down right now, but the only way you have to go from here is up. Try to build a good life for yourself and your babies. Forget about being a pirate, and focus on being a mom."

"My whole life is being a pirate. I have crew to look after. You think Corsaire would abandon you at your lowest point?"

"I didn't say abandon anyone, Adda." Seer told her with a firm voice. "I'm saying, you have other priorities now. Take your sisters, find somewhere to settle down, and make a good living without being on the high seas in danger all the time. Corsaire would never abandon us, no, but he'd never willingly put us in danger either. Sometimes, it was unavoidable, but Corsaire looked out for us. Found us all jobs once he married Orana. We're all brothers to him. So do the same for your sisters. Let them be happy and you be happy."

"They'll be the most happy if I give them Onslaught's head."

"You sure about that? I'd ask them first." Seer sniffed the air a couple of times and then scrunched his nose. "Scarlet, for example. The one who broke my nose."

"You still on about that?" Adda looked at him, a wrath in her eyes he couldn't see, but could feel in her voice. "All of us agreed. We will do our part in killing the bastard and avenging our people. And I have a hunch that your Captain and the King of this land will want to help my quest."

"I'm blind, not deaf, and I rarely forget something that hurts. Had enough broken bones and bruises to recall." Seer heard the bitterness in her voice. "I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but for the sake of these little ones," The Direnor gently felt inside of the crib, brushing his fingers across the twins' foreheads. "I'd suggest you let it go. If this Onslaught is as nasty as they come, he'll use them against you. It's your job as a mom to keep your kids safe---hey now, I need that back." Seer told the twin known as Liz when she grabbed his finger. "Strong one, aren't you?"

"Even in her sleep, she likes you." Adda shook her head with a light sigh. "This Onslaught will come after me regardless. It's my duty to destroy him. As for my girls... I have to provide for them somehow."

"You could just ask the Lorleidian Queen for reinforcements instead of putting yourself at risk. Ask nicely. Humbly. Make your case." Seer stated, emphasizing the word nice. He knew how Adda could come across. "She has dragons, you know. And as far as providing for your girls, there's always help needed in restaurants. The Farmer's Daughter is the most popular joint on this side and needs good waitresses. The old matron watches the little ones in exchange for a few rupees while you work. It's not the best job, but it's good, honest work. She even has a boarding area for the girls that work for her."

"A waitress? So someone can grope my ass? I know how Hryule treats Gerudo. I won't take any less than a position under a royal umbrella."

"You honestly think they'll just let anyone into the castle?" Seer asked her dryly. "Let me guess, you want to guard the queen with that creepy Commander Klinge? Cater to Missy Orana? Play dress up with Princess Kanisa?"

"I don't know! All I know is I'm not some peasant. I deserve better! My girls deserved better! My crew deserved better!!!" Adda nearly roared, shaking her head with discomfort at the situation. "I don't have a lover, I don't have anyone from the outside who seems to want to help me!"

"Hey, hey, hey, shh, shh, you're upsetting the kids!" Seer heard the twins whine in their crib and gently shook the sides so it would rock. Once the whining ceased, Seer released a breath of relief. He could not stand crying, it always tugged at his heart strings. "I'm trying to help you if you'd just let me! Good gracious, woman, not everyone gets finery handed to them on a silver platter. You should know as well as I do that you have to work for it. I suggested what work I knew of, if working in a restaurant isn't good enough, then you can look for yourself." Fixing the blanket on the twins, the blind man then carefully started to walk in the direction of the door. "You're not queen here anymore, Adda. If you want my help, then give them my name at Farmer's Daughter. It's owned by Lon Lon Milk, a local farming ranch. It's a good place. After all, I should know," Seer said before he stepped out of the room. "I cooked there before I went to the castle." Then shut the door.

Adda sat fell back onto the bed. There were no stars in the night sky. Just a cage. Once again, the voice in her head fed her doubts. ‘No one will come to truly care for you’.

________________________________________________________________

It’s a brand new AU! Hope that you will enjoy it! @ridersoftheapocalypse and I made it in mind for our friend @s-kinnaly. That Adda-Seer ship you for you buddy. Will also be other retellings sprinkled in, so stayed tuned! 

Next Ch. https://mrneighbourlove.tumblr.com/post/633413002943758336/band-of-pirates-ch-2-game-plan

[snarkwriteswrasslin]

FFT: I Wrote Myself Back in the Narrative

AHHH. First of all, without YOU, bb.. This idea would’ve never really full on clicked like it has. So.. Thank you so so so much and ILY. Second. This is written first person, split between our mystery guy from part 1 and the female’s pov as they... continue to deal with things. I triiiied things here. 

It’s still angsty as hell, smh. It’s gonna be angsty as hell for a hot minute. Idek if I can promise that it’ll end on a good note. Because now there are two more parts to this. Thank you again, so so much because you heavily inspired me and without the input you gave, ugh. I would’ve fucked this up so bad.

Warnings: Angst. So much angst. Or my /attempt/ at angst. Maybe the next part will be happier, who knows. Are we ready to find out who this man in part 1 was? I have a feeling ya’ll are gonna murder me. OH OH... This whole part of everything takes place over the course of a few weeks in between each section. If that makes sense.

Tag Squad:

@kyleoreillysknee

@rampagewriting

@writertoo18

@thatnerdwriter

@wrestlingismyguiltypleasure

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@unabashedwrestlefics

@adampage

@cabotcoves

@dietwrestling

@heelsamizayn

@missjenniferb

@cowboyshit

[ tag list ] [ masterlist ] [ about ] [ part 1 ] 

A D A M

“You did the right thing, man. I told ya, you were rushing headfirst into something. You were sparing her, man. We both know where it was heading. Now I know you’ve been missin her lately, but you gotta stay the course… Trust me.” Matt’s voice broke through my thoughts and I forced myself to at least shrug my shoulders and pretend to be listening to him going on and on and on.

It’s nights like tonight I really wish the guy would shut the hell up sometimes. It’s like he thinks it’s his place to tell me exactly what to do. Or when I’m doin’ something and he thinks I ought to be doing it different.

“Matt, man.. C’mon, knock it off. He’s hurting right now.” That was Nick. Probably the only real voice of reason at the moment. I could feel him glare at Matty over my head and I didn’t bother looking up from the lukewarm beer sitting in front of me. Instead, I raised the glass to my lips and did my level best to ignore both. I told them I’d be fine coming out by myself tonight, whether I wanted them tagging along or not, here they were.

In my ear, like usual.

“I’m fine.” the words left my mouth in a harsh tone, the dull ache in my teeth makin me realize just how tight I was clenching my jaw right now. I rubbed my face and tried to get some relief as I looked around the bar.

Beside me on either side, they kept at it, almost as if I hadn’t said a word. Arguin over whether Matt was pushin too hard.

“Besides, man.. When I saw her last week, she looked totally fine.” Matt shrugged, smirking just a little. “In a little bit of a hurry, but she seemed like it didn’t bother her at all. I think she even said something about a date, I don’t know, man. But it’s like I said… You did the right thing. It wasn’t working, so you ended things before someone got hurt and things got real messy.” 

Every part of me tensed up when Matt said he’d seen her and my head snapped around as I looked at him, trying not to lose my temper. Suddenly, a thought occurred to me… Matt was entirely too adamant about me staying away.

And we all know how he is when he wants something. 

,, you’re the one who let her go. Did you think she’d just sit around waitin?” the thought came and man was I bitter about it. 

“You look mad, Adam.”

“Well I’m not thrilled right now, Matt.” the words came out before I could stop them. And when they did, I realized just how much the thought of Matt Jackson anywhere near her really bothered me. How much it had all along. Because he thinks I’m stupid but I knew every single time he flirted with her. I know he’s the one who told her about my last relationship and how messed up I was when it ended.

How my ex was the love of my life, to quote him. While true, I didn’t want or need him speaking for me and telling her that. I didn’t ask him to butt in.

,, you never do, to be honest.” 

My hand curled around the bottle sitting in front of me and I shotgunned it. If I didn’t so something, I was going to wind up havin it out with Matt Jackson once and for all. Not that it hasn’t been a long time comin.. Between him and Kenny, as of late, I’m startin to lose my damn mind.

I stay angry.

They’re supposed to be my best friends, damn it. I don’t wanna hate my best friends. I try not to. I do everything but bend over backwards to avoid rocking the boat. But Matt seein her and just throwing it up in conversation just now, with that fucking smirk. Like he’s trying to rub it in. I’m dangerously close to no longer caring.

I had to get outta there. Away from the two of them. I needed to be alone. I needed to think. To have time to hurt and feel like I was free to do it. 

“Where are you going, huh? We’ve got food coming, man. C’mon. Stay out with us. You can’t keep going to your room and hiding.” Nick was trying desperately to keep the peace but honestly, I didn’t want to. I snatched up the remainder of the six pack I bought from the bartender earlier in the night, slammed badly wadded money down on the counter and I stood, shoving the stool back beneath the bar.

Nick caught up to me outside the bar, reaching out for my arm, trying to stop me, but I shoved his hand off. 

“Can’t either of ya take a damn hint? I don’t wanna talk about how I did the right thing. I don’t wanna hear about Matt runnin into her. I just wanna go five goddamn minutes without feelin, okay? Can either of ya just let me have that?”

Nick flinched and I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. Nick’s done nothin to me. Not like his brother and Kenny, always in my ear, always tryin to make me fall back in line and ignore my own gut. Or my own desires.

“Sorry, Nick. Look. I appreciate what you’re tryin to do but I ain’t exactly in the mood tonight, man. And I might not be in the mood for a while. And ya’ll have to be okay with that. Stop trying to make me snap out of it.”

“This is because Matt pulled that shit in there, right? I’ll talk to him later. Just take your time, man.” Nick managed a smile and I nodded, agreeing.

After he went back inside the bar to finish whatever food they ordered while watching the tail end of the game they’d dragged me out to watch with them tonight, I called an Uber and as I waited, I found myself doing it yet again.

Hovering over ❤ in my contacts, I was torn between finally doing it, finally deleting the last trace of her I had, from my life and just hitting call, just to see if she’d answer. Frustration made me shove the phone back into the pocket of my jeans without doing either and I went back to leaning up against the wall of the sports bar as I finished the open beer in my hand. I took the last sip, feeling the warmth slide down my throat and settle in my stomach, grimacing at the hangover already in progress. The Uber I’d called for pulled to a stop beside me and I got in, giving directions to the hotel and going silent after.

All the way across town and back to the hotel, I couldn’t stop thinking about that last night I saw her. Or the way it hurt like hell when Matt told me she seemed fine. 

,, do you really want it to hurt her, though?”

I didn’t, but I couldn’t deny that maybe a part of me wanted her to miss me just a little. To hear Matt tell it, she’s fine and dandy. And this lead me to circle right back to how calmly she handled the whole thing that night.

And those doubts crept right back in again.

Maybe the guys were right. Maybe I did the right thing.

,, and Matt having a thing for flirting with her when you were together, right under your nose at that, that has absolutely nothing to do with why he thought it was a good idea.” 

All I could honestly do was just sit in the backseat of the Uber and knock ‘em back, one behind the other. Anything else is out of the question right now. I am not goin’ down this road while I’m drunk and missin her.

If I did go down any road as far as all this is concerned, I wanna be one hundred percent sure I feel what I feel. I need to think. I need time outta the situation, without people in my ear.

This is something I have to do on my own.

VERONICA

Like most other nights, I tossed and turned on the king sized bed before finally calling it and getting up, grumbling to myself as I made my way down the hallway and into my kitchen. I started myself a pot of coffee and as I did that, I found myself scrolling Instagram.

Naturally, I found myself doing it, even though I unfollowed him on literally everything after things ended between us because it just hurt too damn much.

It’s been almost 5 months now and it still hurts. The pain still cuts like a knife when I actually give myself a little time to let it linger.

Kind of why I’ve thrown myself into work. I even made a Tinder profile, even though I’m absolutely loathe to use the damn thing.

Before I realized what I’d done, I’d typed his instagram handle into the search bar and I found myself scrolling his timeline while I sipped a steamy mug of coffee. “At least he looks okay.” I muttered to myself, shattering the heavy silence around me.

Despite myself, I wound up spending entirely too much time watching one of his random post match videos. Fingertip against the screen. It hurt so goddamn much and yet, it had to happen because all I could think about was how much he loved someone else and just kind of… settled for me.

Running into his friend Matt earlier this week hadn’t helped all this recent re-stirring. Because even now, actively not trying to think back and hurt and miss Adam knowing what happened between us was for the best… I kept going back to Matt reassuring me that Adam was perfectly fine and that he hadn’t been bothered by breaking up with me at all. And I kept getting more and more bitter over it.

When I felt a tear trek down my cheek, I tossed the phone onto the counter and scowled at my reflection in the microwave. 

I told myself I was not settling for being silver. I wanna be someone’s gold.

,, but he made it so fucking easy to fall hard and fast. Get so wrapped up in him that for a little while, you didn’t think about that.” I blatantly shoved the thought down as soon as it crossed my mind and with a sigh, I sat the cup of coffee in the sink half drank.

I’ve got work. Other things to focus on. And I’m trying to look at the bright side here. One day, I’ll be someone’s gold.

VERONICA

→ You know you’re coming out with us tonight, right girl?

I got the text at 4:30, just as I walked out of the building I work in and stopped to dig around in my purse for my car keys. Once I read it, I laughed to myself and managed a smile. Normally, I’d have begged off. It’s what I’ve been doing a lot since things ended between Adam and I.

But I remembered what Matt told me two weeks ago when I bumped into him. Adam hasn’t wasted a single second caught up in what might have been. Why should I?

← Sure. 8, right? The usual spot?

→ Holy shit, is this a Christmas miracle coming early? You’re finally going to take a break from being Little Ms. Moneymaker?

I laughed to myself and opened the door to my car, getting in. As soon as I had, I dialed Marti’s  number.

“Little Ms. Moneymaker, my ass. I’d like to see one shred of this money you think I’m making.” I responded to her last text seconds before, she hadn’t even said hello yet.

Marti laughed.

I turned into traffic, promptly getting stuck at a long red. “Fuck me alive.. It had to be the longest light in town.” I grumbled to myself, listening to Marti telling me about a soccer player she met at our usual bar a few weeks ago and how he’s supposed to be back from the road tonight and meeting her.

“Oh? Well, guess who made a Tinder and hasn’t bothered looking at it since.”

“You.. Wait…” Marti was laughing, I know she didn’t believe me, “You made a Tinder.”

“Yes.” I almost wanted to laugh at myself, shaking my head as I admitted it. 

“Well? Have you met anybody?” she grilled.

“I made the profile and haven’t bothered looking at it since.” I admitted sheepishly, foot on the gas as the light changed from red to green. 

“That’s it. Tonight, so help me. You’re swiping right on at least one guy.”

“Teenie..”

“Don’t Teenie me. This is happening. Not to mention, I have to see if you actually made your profile worth looking at twice. Especially if you want hookups. And trust me girl, you need a hookup.”

“Like I need a goddamn hole in my head.” I snorted in laughter as I pulled my car to a stop at the curb in front of my house. “But fine.. Since you insist. You can look over my Tinder profile and see if it looks like I’m worth risking a swipe on.”

“You are, don’t say that. You just… try to hide the real you under all that boring shit.”

I bit my lip as I let her words sink in.

Maybe she had a point. I hadn’t truly let Adam in until I thought it was safe to do so and look how that one turned out. I sighed quietly, nodding to myself as I shut the door to my car with my hip. “Okay. Hint taken. But maybe I need to change all that.”

“So maybe you’ll pull the stick out of your ass tonight and have just a little fun? You know I hate seeing you hurting like this.”

“It doesn’t hurt. It was for the best… That whole thing ended.”

As much as I hate admitting it, given what Matt told me when we ran into each other, things ending with Adam and I had to be the right choice.

,, but what if you’re totally wrong?”

ADAM

I’m not even sure what possessed me to look her up when we got a little break between shows and the road. I don’t know what the hell I thought it’d accomplish, casually bumpin into her again, other than ripping the band-aid off a healing wound.

But here I was. Standing in the parking lot of her office building. Hidden out of sight, of course. Not that I was going to stay hidden. No, I’d come all this way to do exactly one thing… To fix the mess I now know full well I made that night.

I’ve had time out of it all and I realized one thing.

Somewhere in everything, I really had fallen for her. Hard.

I just had to hope it wasn’t too late. But prepare myself because lately, my luck’s been absolute shit.

My breath caught in my throat as I watched her walking out. I bit my lip, eyes roaming slowly, just taking her in. Because I hadn’t done that nearly enough when she was mine. I was an idiot.

Seeing her again felt like a suckerpunch to the stomach. The wind got knocked right out of me. I stood there, trying to will myself to step out. To say or do anything. Even if it was simple as a hey.

She walked right past me, towards her Camaro a few rows back and she leaned against the Camaro, laughing and talking. I had to get closer but at the same time, I knew that all I was doing was torturing myself, especially if I came all this way and said nothing.

I watched her smile light up the world around me as a car pulled to a stop next to her car. The guy got out and she smiled even brighter, her cheeks tinting pink, her eyes lighting up, the streetlight above bathing her in a cool white glow as the sun sank lower.

The guy didn’t strike me as her type. Dark haired, wearin a suit. He held out a bouquet of roses and my stomach sank to the ground. I raised a hand, tugging at my hair as it hit me.

Everything I realized recently was too little, too late.

I turned and started to walk away, I think I wandered about two blocks before I stopped at a little bar and went in, ordering myself a few rounds. Almost the instant my ass met stool, my cell phone was buzzing in my pocket. I rolled my eyes when I realized that it was Kenny calling.

Kenny who suggested I come here. Seeing her might prove things one way or another. I shouldn’t have fucking listened to him, but naturally.. He insisted, so I finally gave in to get him off my ass.

“Well?”

“I think it’s really over, man. I saw her, alright. And she’s happy. Too happy to do what I came to do.”

“So you’re good now. You can let this go. You can stop all this pushing you’ve been doing lately?”

“Oh, I’m not stoppin that. We all know I deserve a shot. I just know better than to mess up her happiness. I love her too much for that.”

“Damn it, Adam, we’ve all went over this with you. Your time is coming. Just not right now. Besides, “ Kenny paused, taking a few deep breaths. I could feel his annoyance over the conversation through the phone.

That’s not a surprise. Lately, I’ve started to see that unless it’s about them? They’re not interested. And maybe I’m tired of letting everybody else dictate what direction I take. Hell, that’s the whole reason I ended things with her to begin with. 

I let my insecurities get in the way. Kept thinking one day she’d leave too.

Now I just want her back.

So if I can’t have her back? I’m at least going to do something about everything else I want that stays just outside my grasp.

“Besides what, huh?” I snapped, chewing on a toothpick I’d taken from the little dispenser full sitting in front of me, scowling at the phone in my hands.

“You’re not in your best form right now, buddy and you haven’t been in weeks.”

I hung up before he could say anything else.

And as I sat there, nursing round after round, I found myself doing it for the millionth time… Going to her instagram and going through every single thing she’s posted. Hovering over her name in my contacts list and nearly calling five, six, almost seven times before I finally sighed and made myself delete her number.

I really fucked it up this time.

And honestly? Knowing that hurts more than the end ever did in the first place...

[unofficialkfamtranscripts]

KFAM - Episode 1 - May 1, 2015

View in Google Docs

[podcast intro music]

[Soft jazz music]

Chet Sebastian [Mellow] So then Charlie Parker pulled his gun, but, hey, that’s jazz, right? This has been Chet Sebastian’s Jazz corner. Thanks for listening, and stay cool, cats.

[Rock intro music]

Sammy Good evening, I’m Sammy Stevens and you’re listening to King Falls AM. That’s 660 on the radio dial. This is my first show. Hell, its my first day in King Falls! so let’s talk about it, shall we?

[CENSOR BEEP]

Sammy And I think we just set our first record on the show, ladies and gents. Getting bleeped in the first thirty seconds.

Ben Language. We’re family friendly.

Sammy It’s 2 AM, Ben. *small laugh* I mean, I think we can probably give hell a pass.

[BEEP]

Sammy Okay, new rule: if it’s part of Carlin Seven[1] or derivatives of: bleep away. Other than that, let’s cool the censor jets, Ben. Uh, for all you listening out there, I’d love to introduce you to our producer, Benjamin Arnold.

Ben That’s okay.

Sammy We’re live, Benny.

Ben It’s Ben. And I-I just- I don’t wanna, ruin the, journalistic integrity o—

Sammy Of this show? We’re an AM late night talk show.

Ben As I was saying: I don’t want to ruin the journalistic integrity of myself, Sammy.

Sammy Oh, it’s besmirched. It's solidly besmirched. So, why don't you just, uh, make use of that mic, and pull it up, and have at it?

Ben *sighs* [bleep]

Sammy *laughs* Alright, you’re here with Sammy and Ben. Not Benjamin, not Benny, but Ben. Uh, he’s my producer, our journalist-with-integrity, and uh, professional censorist.

Ben *laughs* Oh, man.

Sammy As I was saying kids, it’s my first day on the job here, my first day in town, and I’d love to open up the phone lines to you, our lovely King Falls listeners, and talk about this beautiful little place.

Ben [proudly] It is nice, isn’t it?

Sammy h- Nice doesn’t even begin to describe it. I mean, the little shops, the scenery. It's literally a mountain Mayberry.[2]

Ben Oh, you have no idea! We’ve been voted best small town in America six years straight by the King Falls Chamber of Commerce.

Sammy … The town voted the town, Best Small- Town in America?

Ben Oh yeah! There was a ribbon presentation, a parade down Main Street. Six years running.

Sammy I’m not sure that’s the way it works, Ben.

Ben Couldn’t imagine being anywhere else in the world.

Sammy Alright, now, wait a second. You were talking to me right before the show started, and it’s your dream job to be one of the great journalists of all time. “Cronkite. Brokaw. Ben Arnold.”

Ben That’s the dream! That-that’s the goal.

Sammy But you can’t imagine being anywhere else.

Ben [awkwardly] Well! Let’s be fair. There’s-There’s the King Falls Gazette, there’s- King Falls AM, of course. Even those clowns over at Channel 13. If you knew King Falls, you’d know that everything you ever need to talk about, is right here.

Sammy Huh. Well, you know, maybe you’ve got a point. I mean, worst case scenario, you’re gonna have a great perspective on the ribbon cutting ceremonies.

Ben [excitedly] Actually, I’ve had a great perspective for the past three years! And last year? I got a seat next to Mayor Grisham. *pleased huff* I could see that velvety blue ribbon being cut.

Sammy Alright, alright. Riveting stuff, Ben. But you know what, before we open up the phone lines tonight, to uh, talk to you folks for the first time, I’d like to take one hot minute and just send a special shout out to a new friend of the show, Deputy Troy, uh, Craiger, Kroger?

Ben [disdainfully] Kreighauser.

Sammy That’s the one! Now, Deputy Troy could’ve dropped an elbow on me with the long arm of the law when he pulled me over this evening.

Ben He pulled you over?! *chuckles* Wow. I thought his car was just decoration. What the heck did you do that he pulled you over?

Sammy Yeah, okay. It was the weirdest thing. So, I’m running late, and I can’t miss the first show, right? So I’m gunning it. Over the mountain, through the woods, no time for grandma, and uh, you know, maybe I’m just not used to the winding roads up here, but I get-I get a little lost and my phone zoinks out and I got no GPS, I got no Apple Maps (not that anybody’s using it) and—

Ben Don’t tell me- Sweetzer Forest?

Sammy That is exactly where! How-How did you know that?

Ben Oh, it gets everybody! The listeners know that. Legend has it, there’s an apparition of an old general that changes the directions on the signs so he doesn’t lead his troops into one of the bloodiest massacres in King Falls history.

Sammy Cool story, bro, but, there wasn’t a sign.

Ben That’s a new one! Thinking on his toes. I like it!

Sammy The ghost?

Ben Whoa! They prefer apparition. Like, when you call a dwarf a midget, and it’s not cool?

Sammy Okay. So you’re telling me that instead of just getting lost up in the hills, a ghost—

Ben Apparition.

Sammy *chuckles* An apparition, was screwing with me?

Ben That's one hundred percent what I’m saying. It gets everybody.

Sammy … Right.

Ben You don’t believe me? They don't have apparitions in the Big City, Sammy?

Sammy Not that I’m aware of, no.

Ben *scoffs* Let’s go to the phones. King Falls, our new pal, Sammy, doesn’t believe in the Sweetzer Forest apparition. 424-279-3858.

Sammy Okay now. I’m not saying I—

Ben [cutting him off] Phone lines are already blowing up! Uh, let’s see, I don't know, oh-uh, line six! Deputy Troy.

Sammy Deputy Troooy!

Deputy Troy [laughing] Y'all should’ve seen it. General Abilene got him good.

Sammy General Abilene? He has a name now?

Ben You never read about Abilene’s last stand? What are they teaching you Big City kids? [making a point] Well, why’d you pull him over, Troy?

Sammy Okay, obviously , I was going a little too fast for my own good—

Deputy Troy I sure didn’t see no speedin’, Benny.

Ben [flatly] It’s Ben.

Deputy Troy Sammy looked like a dog chasin’ its tail for for damn near twenty minutes! Guy was just goin’ in circles. Looked like he was lappin’ the field in the King Falls 500!

Ben Sound familiar, Sammy?

Sammy Circles? No. I mean, I took a left here, and a right there. It couldn’t have been more than a minute or two before Deputy Troy threw up the ol’ red and blues.

Deputy Troy Try twenty minutes. If I hadn’t’a intervened, it’s a fact we’d all be listening to ol’ Chet blow that horn for another couple hours. You gotta watch out for the general! He’s sneakier than a honey badger in a bee hive!

Ben See?

Deputy Troy Ah hell, [low siren in bg] I think I just saw one of the William’s boys just ding-dong-ditch ol’ Ms. Baker. [faint tire squeal] I gotta go boys. [quietly in bg] Ah, son of a b[bleep]! That little mother[bleep]!

Sammy Well, on that note boys and girls, [click] we’re gonna pay some bills and keep the lights on in our little cabin we call a radio station. Ben and I will be right back after a message from our sponsors.

[Car horn, tire squeal, sound of car crashing]

Announcer voice Uh-oh! Have you recently been in an automobile accident!? Are you tender over a fender-bender?

High-pitched voice Owwwiee!

Announcer Don’t let the insurance company fool you into just unscuffin’ and buffin’! Let Rosenburg, Rothchild and Dirk get you the settlement that you deserve!

Caveman voice DIRK GET YOU MONEY

Woman [singing jauntily] ♫Iiif you got your car smashed by some jerk, call Rosenburg Rothchild aaand-♫

Caveman DERRRRRK!

[KFAM music]

Sammy Thank you folks out there for listening to AM 660, home of the King Falls AM. So, you’ve heard our story, now let’s hear yours. Give us a call here at the station. Today’s topic: King Falls. What do you love? What should I know as a new resident? Give me your on-air Yelp reviews. 424-279-3858, or tweet us @kingfallsam.

Ben Line 3.

Sammy You’re on King Falls AM.

Line 3 [Low, gravelly] The producer was right.

Sammy Um, I’m sorry?

Line 3 You shouldn’t make light of the spirits.

Sammy [incredulous] The spirits?

Line 3 Down Sweetzer forest, you jest about the spirits, but you’ll come to regret it. That’s a fact, Big City.

[click, dial tone]

Sammy Oookay, uh, so. *mildly disturbed chuckle* We’re taking your calls, kids. Tell us what you love about the Falls, your likes, your favorite things to do and see—

Ben Orrr, maybe your favorite run in with General Abilene!

Sammy Uh-huh.

Ben We’ve got Finn on Line 7.

Sammy Finn?

Finn [perpetually excited] Oh, yeah! It’s Finn! Thanks for takin’ my call! How ya doing tonight, Sammy!?

Sammy *chuckles* Well, we’re doing alright, thanks for—

Finn See, I’m an over-the-road driver. I drive the big semi-trucks- loggin’ mostly, ya know?! And I have to tell you guys, I absolutely love it every time I drive through King Falls!

Sammy Well, alright! Now, why do you think—

Finn It’s just a beautiful town, isn’t it!? Scenic, and quiet as a cemetery!

Sammy [softly] Is it that quiet?

Finn Don’t you know it! I usually run through about three- four in the mornin’. The town’s just sittin’ there off Route 72 like one of those Thomas Kinkade[3] paintings. You know the Thomas Kinkade!

Sammy Yeah, of course. He’s the uh—

Finn All the twinkle-twinkle lights, pretty-as-a-picture. You know!

Ben We know!

Sammy Do you ever make your way into town, Finn?

Finn I haven’t ever gotten to stop, yet. Other than Rose’s diner, off the exit? But I can rreeally imagine settlin’ down and doin’ all the towny stuff with the family, ya know!?

Sammy *chuckles* Well, you know what? Next time you’re passing through, you swing on by the station and say hi, Finn.

Finn O-can-do, friends! Lookin’ forward to that! Holy SH[bleep]!!

Sammy [alarmed] Finn? Finn, are you alright?

Finn I’m dandy! But I just saw the biggest light-show-hullabaloo I ever seen! Looks like that Captain EO[4] laser light show at the Disney!

Ben [confused] Captain EO?

Finn Lit up the sky like the American Independence Day fire shows!

Ben [still unsure] Fireworks?

Finn Yeah! You know! It’s still going! The night looks- like the day!

Sammy Ben, can you check outside?

Ben On it.

Finn I-I-I’m gonna let you go! Too much goin’ on to be phonin’ into the show! [door closing in bg] Y-y-you fellas take care!

Sammy You too, Finn. Uh, you know, keep it between the lines, buddy.

Finn You know it!

[click]

Sammy [muttering] Uh, okay, how do you d- work this- uh. [normally] Line 2, you’re on King Falls AM.

Line 2 [lisping, kind of] Hey Shammy!

Sammy Heh-howdy! Give King Falls some love.

Line 2 I jush wanted- I jush wanted to call- I’m jusht a really big fan. A Big fan- I mean big.

Sammy The show just started minutes ago.

Line 2 [awkwardly] Yeah, this show’s- alright too… But I’ve been following your days since you were Shotgun Shammy!

Sammy [slightly nostalgic] Oh wow, Shotgun Sammy. *chuckles* Where are you located?

Line 2 Ohhh here and there. It’s a localized global world now! With the internet and technology. I just wanted to say, *awkward laughter* “Hi.” It’s just so- I love the show.

Sammy Well, thanks for listening. [door closing in bg] And we appreciate it! What was your name again?

Line 2 [shouting] Shotgun Sammyyy!

Ben [eagerly] You gotta see this! That truck driver wasn’t kidding! The whole place is lit up like- Christmas! or- something. Uh- Is anyone else out there seeing this? Look, the phone lines are on fire, man.

Sammy Uh, Line 1, you’re on the air.

Line 1 Hey guys, yeah, I’m- I’m, uh- I’m seein’ it the same as you are.

Sammy Well, now, who are we talking to?

Line 1 Oh, sorry, uh, Tim. Tim Jensen. I’m heading home from work out on Route 72? And I’m-I’m looking at the lights.

Ben That looks like the direction they’re coming from.

Tim  Yeah, there’s no doubt about that. They’re-they’re right on top of the old mill down off- Clower Street. It looks like- you’re looking into like, three different suns.

Sammy Three?

Tim  Yeah, these, uh- rainbow- lights? I-I don’t know what you’d call ‘em. They’re coming from these three triangle-shaped thingies.

Ben UFOs?

Tim  Hey- Hey. I did not say the “U” word. I said Triangle. Shaped… Thingies.

Sammy [glibly] You know, a technical term.

Ben W-w-what’re the triangles doing, Tim?

[eerie sci-fi bg music]

Tim  They’re just hovering! I’d say maybe two or- or three stories up off the ground? [getting slightly nervous] They’ve moved on past the mill now.

Sammy Wh-wh- Can you describe—

[deep, ominous, pulsing whir enters music]

Tim  Wai-wait. Hold on a second, they’re- they’re moving closer to the road I think.

Sammy Alright, you are our eyes, Tim. Tell us what you see.

Tim  [absently worried] The hell is that thing doing?

Sammy Be careful out there, Tim.

Tim  It just turned the other direction, and-and- and crossed the road. Couple hundred yards ahead- I-I’m gonna slow down.

[whirring stops]

Sammy Describe, if you can—

Tim  It just stopped! [music stops] Right above the road!

Ben Stopped? W-what’re-

[whir]

Tim  The lights just changed direction again! It’s definitely heading this way!

Sammy Turn around, Tim.

[slow, building whir]

Tim  Oh hell, th- they’re coming fast! Guys!

Ben Get out of there, Tim!

Sammy Ben, call Deputy Troy. [deep whir growing in volume] Stay safe out there Tim!

Tim  Ah sh[bleep] They’re-they’re right above me! I-I can’t see! [whir is louder than voices] The lights! NO! [loud building buzz/zoom, like a racecar accelerating] NO! NOO! *SCREAMING*

[silence]

[dial tone]

Sammy Tim? Hello, Tim? Can- Tim?

Ben [solemnly] Line’s dead, Sammy.

Sammy *heavy sigh* O-okay, uh folks, we’re just gonna take a quick break here. Uh, we’ll be right back to take more of some of your King Falls favorites.

Ben I-I’ve got Troy here.

[quietly in background: Sammy: Troy, hey are you listening to this? Ben, can you try to dial line one back, please?]

[rock outro music]

[CREDITS] King Falls AM is a production of the Make Believe Picture Company. For credits, as well as more information about King Falls AM, you can find us on Twitter @kingfallsam, on Facebook, and at kingfallsam.com. Thanks for listening to 660 on the radio dial.

References:

[1] Carlin Seven - Seven dirty words to never say on air (sh*t, p*ss, f*ck, c*nt, c*cks*cker, motherf*cker, and t*ts)

[2] Mayberry - A fictional small town featured in “The Andy Griffin Show”

[3] Thomas Kinkade - “The Painter of Light”, a popular American artist, known for his paintings of pastoral scenes, cottages, and the like, often with lit windows. (There are a lot of puzzles featuring his work)

[4] Captain EO - a 1986 American 3D science fiction film that was shown at Disney theme parks from 1986 through 1996. The movie stars Michael Jackson, was written by George Lucas and directed by Francis Ford Coppola. The film was shown as part of an attraction with in-theater effects.

[remotecontrolchuck]

Toonami Night Review: So Long GUNDAM IBO, Stay Gold.

Well last week was the finale of Gundam IBO, and man did it end in true Gundam fashion. Since having seen the first season back in 2016, we we’re introduced to new protagonists and characters that we grew to love and admire. Watch them endure hardships, conquer great obstacles, and come out on top in the end. And in this second season we got to see them do it again, except after going through it all, a lot of them didn’t make it out alive. And such is the lesson from most Gundam shows. There is no glory in war, only hell.

Now like every show that finishes its first run on the block, I like to send them off with a nice overall review of how they did, and this show is no exception. And while this might be a bit lengthy, especially considering this is Gundam we’re talking about, I’ll try to summarize this the best I can.

Right off from the bat, we begin with Tekkadan riding on high after having made a name for themselves after their epic battle against Gjallarhorn at Edmonton. Since then they’ve expanded, gaining new recruits, and defeating rival mercenary forces. But with their success, they also gained consequences. Keeping to their end of the bargain, Orga and Tekkadan aid McGillis in his plans to takeover Gjallarhorn, and with it comes new enemies. 

The new main antagonist being the head of Gjallarhorn’s Arianrhod Fleet and McGillis’s main rival, the pragmatic Rustal Elion, and under him his three subordinates. The ever loyal and determined Julietta Juris, the foolish and yet somehow charismatic among the troops (they must’ve been really stupid) Iok Kujan, and last but not least the mysterious masked ace in the hole Vidar (later revealed to be a still alive Gaelio who gets his revenge on McGillis). 

Of course Tekkadan’s adversaries weren’t just Gjallarhorn, but those working for them, such as the bearded mercenary working for Rustal, Galan Mossa, and the informant and rival to Naze, Jasley Donomikols. And on one occasion, another enemy arose that was to both Tekkadan and Gjallarhorn, the ancient mobile armor (and totally not Metal Gear Ray) Hashmal. And with these new foes, came epic battles and fights. And over time, each battle became more brutal and intense. 

In the beginning Tekkadan won some of them and came out on top, but they nonetheless took casualties and some losses. And as they began to lose the coming battles, their losses increased, and their bright future becoming bleaker. In the end Tekkadan would meet a bittersweet end, with many of its members managing to fake their deaths and keep on surviving. And while Orga, Mikazuki, Akihiro, and many of the protagonists and character didn’t make it out in the end, their sacrifices were not in vain and died fighting to the end. 

But funny enough, despite Tekkadan being brought down by Rustal and his forces, they were the victors in the end. Yep, despite how Orga and the rest of Tekkadan never became Kings of Mars, their conflict with Gjallarhorn caused the organization to reform completely. With many of the Ruling Families lost, as well a lot of troops and mobile suits, as well as the scandal involving Gjallarhorn becoming public, Rustal was forced to change the organization into a more democratic one in order for it to remain in power. 

That, and Gjallarhorn was forced to greatly downsize their Mars branch, leading to Martian Independence becoming reality, and the creation of the Martian Union. And in good faith, and probably to prevent another Tekkadan in the future, Rustal signs a pact with Kudelia, now Chairwoman of the Martian Union, to abolish the Human Debris system that created a lot of child soldiers. 

So yeah. In the end it sucks that Orga, Mika, and many of the protagonists died during this season, but even so they were nonetheless the victors in the end. They never realized their goal, but they certainly made Gjallarhorn pay dearly before going down, and created a better future in the process. Many of the surviving members of Tekkadan are now living happier lives (well except a now older Ride who’s on a revenge spree), and Kudelia and Atra are now a couple raising Mikazuki’s young son, Akatsuki.

Now that I could go on further about the plot in detail, but I don’t this review to be so incredibly lengthy, so I save it when I do a more in depth review in the future. Moving onto the other parts of Gundam IBO, as expected the animation was fantastic, and the music was very well done. But most of all, we had some pretty kick ass Gundams and Mobile Suits, as well as even more kick ass battles in both space and on the ground. 

Overall I recommend Gundam IBO to anyone interested in a good Gundam anime, as well one to those that are new to the franchise that will want a first hand experience of what to expect from a show like it. I give a 10/10, and I look forward to seeing another good Gundam show like it. And since there will be a new one that takes place shortly after Gundam Unicorn, I wouldn’t be surprised if that ends up on Toonami’s lineup in the future. But for now, I wish Gundam IBO a fond farewell, and to forever Stay Gold.

Whew. Okay, now that’s out of the way, onto how last week’s run went! And man oh man, did we have another night of feels and WTF moments! And since I don’t have a lot of time before tonight’s run of Toonami begins, this will also serves as the recap of last week’s shows. Alright, let’s begin! As always we started the night with a power hour of Dragon Ball, with Goku Black/Zamasu and other Zamasu becoming a problem for Goku and the others in DB Super, and Vegeta tagging in and getting his ass kicked by Buu while Goku charges up his final attack in DBZ Kai. We then had a blast as always with FLCL, Noata deals with suddenly having cat ears, as well as being forced into a leading role in a school play with the class president Ninamori, who has a crush on him. Oh, and as usual monsters, mayhem, and hilarity ensues. 

Moving on, we then enter Stardust Crusaders, as JoJo and the others encounter D’Arby, who knows the location of DIO’s lair. The only problem is that they have to beat him in a bet, and unfortunately the crafty gambler has outwitted both Polnareff and Old Man Joseph, winning the bets with elaborate cheating and turning the loser’s soul into a poker chip with his stand. Now it’s up to JoJo to beat him and save his friends, but beating D’Arby at his favorite game, Poker! After an intense session of gambling, we head into the finale of Gundam IBO, as we watch Tekkadan’s final battle, giving our final salutes to those that died valiantly and those that survived and got a happy ending.

After that feels fest, we went into Black Clover, and watched Asta defend Noelle and his friends from a bunch of magic knights that are a bunch of royal snooty assholes. We then moved onto Hunter x Hunter, where we watched Gon go an a date with Palm, which was awkward and nice, but mostly awkward for good reasons. But enough of that. We then head right on into a Five Kage Summit in Naruto Shippuden, before continuing on to more feels in Space Dandy. QT falls in love with a coffee maker, but becomes heartbroken in the end for the sake of love. And while sad, we did get a nice romantic montage with Daft Punk kind of music, as well as an awesome giant robot fight.

After all that, the feels train ends, and we finishes up the night with some monkey business with the Bebop Crew in Cowboy Bebop, and tensions and intrigue escalating in Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex 2nd GIG.

And that’s about it for last week’s run of Toonami, and with time to spare before Toonami starts. Tonight, My Hero Academia will be making its debut on the block after a very long time, and a lot of watchers like myself can’t wait to see it. So until then, see ya later and Stay Gold!

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

the lorax, but everytime a character appears its bnha and every time u read it u want 2 die

summary: oh you know damn well whats coming, sweetie 

notes: its 2:35 am. i spent over an hour writing this. pls clap. 

*****************************************************************************************************

it was a suny day in thneedville and the sun was shining but it was COLD and DARk in dekus hart as he gazed sadly off intot he distance. “mommm wy doesnt todoroki senpai-san NOTICE me???”” he lameneted to his mom.

“maybe its ur ugly little pissbaby child face” inko suggested as she cooked up a spaghety for brekfast.

“how can i impress him??” deku questioned

“try lifting, cucklord” said his grandma recovery girl as she casually bench bressed 600 pounds of rocks.

“how bout i find him  a plant insted?” deku sugested thinking about the tre todoroki painted on his house. he had asked todoorki if he liked trees and he sed ‘ya sur i gues’. “bitches lov plants”

“yeeee i kno wat u mean giv him some *lettuce*” recovery gorl winked

“wat a bout a tree” “but TREEs are DEAD” inko exlciamed! she threw the spagheti on the floor for dramtic effect and cltuched dekus head in his hands. “Son do not SPEAK of such things or The All For One’HAre Corporation Copyright TM wil BUST thru the ROOF and kill you! Now sit down and eat ur capitalism! Consumerism is god hallejeuluah amen!”

“tree” deku whisperd

the hose exploded and every1 died but they were okey. avaracious all-for-one’hare, a tiny liitle with a shiny bowlcut and tiny little man feet bitchslaped deku across the face. “NO TREES ALLOUD!!1!”  he shrieked. he bloo a kiss ot dekus mom “that plate of capitalism u have is cooking upped looks lovly mam”

inko blsuhed. “thanks”

“just make sure to keep the kiddo here away from any” all-for-one’hare, lowered his voice, which was hard bc he was already so short and low and close tothe flor. “trees”

inko gASPed! “of CORSE! i wil keep him away from the place where the trees once were by the Forbindden WAll u buildt with ur money to keep out the Bad COmmunist SentimentsTM”

recovery girl made shifty suspicious looks on her face “sure yea me too”

all-for-one’hare, was convinced. “I AM CONVINECED” he sed “by felicia!” he hopped on his hoverbord and hoverborded away.

inko cleaned the spaghety off the flor and recovery girl pulled deku by the leg into the backyard. “YO FUCKER U BETTER RUN UR ASS OVER THE COMMIE WALL AND GET A TREE SO U CAN START SLINGIN SOME MAD PUSS”

“but gramma im gay”

“then start slingin some nuts my d00d the POINT is get a TRE e” she scremed. “when i was, a yung boi, my ffather, took me over the wall, to see a bunch of trees, he sed son when, u grow up, dont kill them , the trees, and bring the nonbelievers, to come and plant new trees”

“k”

she siezed dekus sholders “GO FORTH CHILD BRING THE TREES SO WE CAN MAKE THEM GROW ANEW AS THE PROPHECY HAS FORETOLD, OUT BEYOND THE WALL LIVES A MYSTERIOUS MAN CALLED THE ONCE-FOR-ALLER, FIND HIM, HE WILL TELL YOU HIS TRAGIC TALE OF TREE AND BRING NEW LIFE TO THIS BARREN CAPITALIST HELLSCAPE, NOW GO”

“k” deku hopped on his totaly radicel scooter headed 2 the wall. a robot cat watched him forehsadowingly.

it was hella empty over the commie cuck wall with not even a bORger king in site!!!1! tree stumps covered the flor and clouds of smonk from a thousand vape pens darkened the sky. a ded bird lay deadly on the ground while its bird children cried over its bird corpse. it was sad. deku took a sad face selfie with the ded bird then did a sick ollie over the corpse and headed toward the mysterious shack in the distants.

the shack had  a bucket in front of the dor labeled “piss”. deku hopped on in the piss bucket “YO ONCE-FOR-ALLER U GOT KIK??” he cried. wind wistled past his ears and he coffed from the vape smoke but then the pis buckt got pulled up on a ROPE and deku found himself hOISted up to a wINdOW!!!! he stareed face to face at a pair of black eyes with blue spots in the middle like limpid tears and some long bony arms with glvovs and yaoi hands reached out to slap him.

“WHAT” he yelled “ARE YOU DOOING” he leaned closer “IN MY SWWAAAAAAMP!????”

deku wet his pants and criied. “i sutjj,,, i jstu  wann, t  a t;rree,,” he said sobbily. “i,m tr yiyng to get s enpai , t o noticnse me,, an ,n  and i  thgout,, i fi  got, hima   t,r,ree, he wo uld liek me”

“fucken millenials” snarled the once for aller “its always senpai this, thrussy that, my neck my back, my snapping-chat, wy wold i giv u a tre??”

“b-because i,, i brought u a SPAGHETTY” deku exxclaimed, pulling pounds of spagheetyi out of his pockets

the once for aller slorped up the spaghetti hongrily “ya ok i gues i can tel  u my storey now. its a dark and trageic tale of capitalism, like the star wors preqols” a tear ran down his bony old cheek. “but insted of jar jar binks thers only me, booboo the fool”

there was  a crossdissolve and suddenly they were in the once-for allers past where he was a big bara man with bara tiddies and twinky skinny geans no where near the size needed to accomodate for his phat dong. he rode along in a cariege puled by a single muel

“FASTER AIZAWA KUN” cried the once-for-aller hapily. “those proletariats arent gonna exploit themselves!”

aizawa the mule grunted sexily and plowed on, workin that tight little mule ass.

the once-for-aller started shredding out a sick nasty solo on an elextric guitar and it was RAD AS HELL as he blasted out the opening cords to jake pol’s magmnum opiss “its everyday bro”. “we gotta dab on those haters aizawa kun” said the once-for aller with  a very gay wink

aizawa the mule grunted in annoyance. he could not dab, for his sexy mule bodey had no arms.

they fond a metric shitload of trees and there were like wildlifes and shit running around. bears (like endeovor) froclikced int he woods with their hairy bara nippels exposed 2 the world, tsuyu and her frog pals swam in the woter, and tokoyami the borb boy  floo in the sky wich was pure and clean without a single trace of vape smoke. the tres looked fuckable so the once for aller busted a nut against one trunk then wipped out a glock and started shootin them down “YEHAW fuCKERS iTS HIGH NOON” he screamed in texan, his native language, as he mowed downt he trees the way present mics sexy voice mows down the pussey.

sudenly DANY DEVITO IN A FURSOOT APEARED. he was tiny and magestic and orange and so fucken valid. also he was grand toledo. “CUNT” he yelled kicking the once for aller in th e kneecaps. “THIS IS THE ENVIROMENT!!!!1! YOU CANT JUST START WEED WACKIN THES TREES WITH YOUR YANKEE DONGLE DANDY AND SHOOTING THEM WITH GUNS!1! THAT IS BAD AND WRONG! CAPTIN PLANET DIED FOR OUR SINS”

the once for aller looked down at the tiny orange man then down at his own big bulgin bara tiddes “i cold crush u 2 deth with my tiddys, maybe u shuld stay out of my way dude’

dany deveto gasped angrely. “how DARE!!1!” he screamed, punching the once-for-allers big toe. “BUDDY I WILL PERSONALLY FUCK YOUR GRAVE WITH MY OWN TWO ASSCHEEKS IF YOU SAY ONE MORE FUCKING WORD, I DEFY U TO TALK SHIT, COME AT ME SCRUBLORD IM RIPT”

“try me gardfielf” the once for aller laffed “iv ben drinkign plenty of nut milk so my boneses are helthy and Stronk”

daney devito pulled out his 20 inch thunderdong and beat the once for aller in the head with it until he was past oout on the ground. the woodland crreatures danced hapily around the bodey but then he woke up

“u kno wat” he moaned “mabye capitalism isnt so good, lets al liv together in communism and friendship, and i wont cut and/or fucc any of the trees”

danny deveto was mostly appeased. “ya ok, but if u try anymore fuckin shit ill go back in time and cuck ur grandparents.”

dannneie dievoto tried to hav the once-for aller killed on at least 10 separate occasions and the once for aller did slip in some clandestine tree fuckage now and agein, but other than that the communism and friendship was good. but everything changed went he fire nation atteacked, they defeeted endevor esily but then the once for allers slutty, sluty family showed up to REEK HAVICK :0 !!!1!

the once for allers ugley mom, sir nighteye, stepped out of their cheap car and did the anime glasses thing “toshi u commie thot” he said with distaste “stop being poor”

“but MOM” the once for aller wined “i HAV to be por! its good for the envorionemnt and my new animal frends and if i dont dany devito will beat me over the head with his massive meaty man-canoe!”

“dont b lil bitch, do a capitalism.”

the once for allers loud cosin hizashy jumped out of the wagon. “YAINT” he shrieked at 1000000 decibels, killing 90% of life on erth. “ARE WE GON FUCK SOME TREES OR WHAT”

the once for aller looked at his disproving mom, then at his loud cosin, then at the very fuckable trees. his eyes lingered on a sexy sap hole. “yea we are” he said, pulling out his gitar sexily. “how bad could it posbiley be??”

the answer was prety fucken bad as it turned out. a metric fuckton of people paid to watch the once for aller and his family fuck trees to deth by throwing moneey at them like they were stripers, but then al the tres were fucked ded!!11! the bears starved into ity bity twinks, unable to maintain the THicc, tsuyu and the frogs choked and coffed up water ful of human piss as they peed in the water while laughing in delite at the once for allers antics, and tokoyami and the birbs coffed out their organs from the clouds of vape smoke filing the sky.

soon ther was no one left. the once for allers familey left with al the money, aizawa the fuckable mule was ded, and it was just the once for aller allone in the rouns of his former capitalistc glory with only the bright yellow banana suit on his back to remind him of those days.

dani devioto looked at the once for aller with sad eyes before kciking his own ass so hard he got sent rocketing thru the stratusphere, leaving behind an imapct crater with a single word

“cunt” deku whispered softly in the present as he gazed into the crator.

the once for aller sighed sadley. “iv wondered for years and yeers wat he ment by that, but i think i understand now. unless some1 like u stops being a cunt, then nothign is gona get better, u nut”

“shit fam thats deeep” sed deku

the once for aller looked at dekus pissbaby child face. “i lost evrything to capitalism, my friends, nature, my family” teers rolled down his cheks “i even sold my organs to buy cocane and strippers so now i hav a total of 2 orgens in my hole bodey.”

“kinky”

“but we can change that!” cried the once for aller passionetely. “i am going 2 giv u a tree to plant in thneedvil so communism can return and bring back the life stole from this world with my big stick diplomacy. go now, young midorieya-shonen my boy, GO FORTH IN THE NAME OF COMMUNISM AND UN-CUNT THIS MISEREBLE WORLD!!1!”

ther was an epic radicel chase seen wher deku had to fite the The All For One’HAre Corporation Copyright TM and his grandma recovery girl did sik triks on her moped and deku almost but not quite got to kis todorki senpai but they made it to the town square.

deku held todorokis hands and tenderly put the baby tre in it “here” he sed “take my seed”

todoroky noded solemly. “i hav never wanted anything more than to be given ur seed midoreya” he was about 2 plant the seed in the ground when all for one’hare appered! “NOT SO FAST FUCKHOLES” he yelled capitalistically. “this TRee is COMMuNISM!!1!” he cried to the townspeople. “do u RELLY want to be FILTHY COMMIES???”

“Commies hate micdonaleds!!1” screamed one impassoned townsperson.

“LETS BOIL THEM IN OIL” some one else agred.

“but guys wait!!!” deku cried “dont u want like, nature n shit?”

“CAPITALISTS WANT TO REPLACE EVERY REMOTELY FUCKABLE PERSON WITH A TREE” all for one’hare screamed

teh twonspoeple gasps, thens tarted chanting for deku todo and grandma to get boiled in oil

deku sweated nervosly “um but,, treees,, r good?”

“OIL OIL OIL”

“BACK IN MY DAY WE FUCKED TREES AND WE LIKED IT” recovery girl rored!

that was acomeplling argument. the boil in ooil chanting slowed

all for one turned to his henchperson stain “STAIN” he yelled “TEL THESE HIPPY DIPPY COMMIE TREE FUCKERS WHAT WE REALLY THINK OF THIS CAPTEN PLANET B-ROLL BULLSHIT”

stain cleered his throt and burst into magnificent song “let it gro let it gro, so we can have trees to bone” he sang. he was The Ultimate ChadTM so every1 agreed with him imediately. they throow all for one’hare into a pit of spiders where eh was eten and killed and planted the seed in the fertile butthole of the earth wher it could blosom and gro.

in the folowing yeers trees started groiwng beyond the wals and the once for aller crawled out of his shame sahck to water them with his nut as an act of penanc.e

slowly, magesticsally, danny devito in a fursewt flew down from the sky. “ya done good cunt” he grunted, tenderly slapping the once for allers boney ass with his furry orange old man boner. “ya done good.”

they both floated up to gay heaven by their ass skins wher the once for allers big bara past self greeted them with open arms. “all of ur trubles are ogre” he whispered tenderly in their tidditlyated ears. 

the once for aller caressed his past self “oh oncey” he whispered sweetly “are u shure we should do this?? can u even,,, oh, how can u love me in this broken down form??” 

past once for aller smiled and did the kabedon thing with his future self who whimpered arousedly and blushed carnelian. “its not who we are on the outside” he shoved his entire arm up his entire ass“its who we are inside” 

danney devito cheered the once for allers on as they fucked together for all of eterneity and it was very communiest teh end 

[dreamscript]

the normalcy of thieves: 1

As a con artist, Jungkook can never stay put. He also can’t help but feel giddy when he receives a call asking for help with orchestrating a large-scale con against some of London’s top executives.

Four people. One city.

As if he needed any more reason to leave.

while this is no longer a collaboration between me & @inktae , I still want to extend my gratitude to mari for helping lots with this fic and encouraging me to write it.

Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2 (soon)

6.8k words, con artist au, jungkook/reader

// Madrid, Spain. June 28th.

The man inspects the flat screen TV with the utmost scrutiny, his beady eyes tracing over the jet black frame, following the edges of the sleek screen. Jungkook can almost feel him salivating. “How much did you say it was?” the man asks.

“205 euros,” Jungkook replies. “For a lightly used, completely functional, Samsung HDTV. And it’s one of the newer ones, too.” He shifts the TV slightly to the side. “Look: it’s got the incredibly thin design, and if you look up the model online, you’ll see that it’s got almost unparalleled black levels and clarity of sound.” He gives the thing a light pat. “So?” Jungkook looks at the man expectantly and smiles in the most business-like fashion that he can manage.

The man doesn’t match Jungkook’s smile and instead chooses to frown. “So why’s the shit so cheap, then?” He crosses his arms and tries to pin down Jungkook with a look.

Jungkook simply grins even wider. “Did you forget? All of the goods in this truck, they’re all so cheap because--” he pauses for dramatic effect, leaning over the truck counter, “--they’re stolen.” He straightens back up. Smirks.

The man seems to recall why he’s here and takes a moment to mull over Jungkook’s offer. One, two, three. Four seconds pass. Jungkook’s never had an issue with patience, but right now he’d very much like to get this exchange done and over with.

“Alright,” the man says finally, sighing. “I’ll take it.”

Jungkook beams. “Alright, I’ll have my buddy here package the TV for you, and he’ll give it to you around back,” he says. He gestures to Jin, who’d been standing in the back of the truck during the entire exchange, and was now just making to haul the TV off to the side. “Your total is 205 euros exactly, no tax.”

“Take cash?”

“Oh come on, you know that’s not how we do business here in the underground. Bitcoin or bust, ya hear?” Jungkook lets his smile falter a bit and slides his Bitcoin info over to the man. “Can’t have the bank teller giving me funny looks or street dwellers trying to rob me.”

The man makes a gruff sound and then pulls out his phone. “Fuckin’ hell. Fine, take your damn Bitcoins. Miss the old days when cash was king.”

“Oh,” Jungkook says, checking his new balance. “Don’t we all. Pickpocketing was way more fun back then, I’ll tell you. You could at least make a game outta that stuff, see who could snatch the most cash. Nowadays you just grab a debit or a phone and that’s it. I swear, some people make it too easy.”

“I didn’t ask for your fuckin’ life story, thiefboy.”

Jungkook merely chuckles and holds his hands up in surrender.

After pocketing his phone, the man goes around back to watch Jin shoving the TV haphazardly into a large cardboard box with bubble wrap and foam.

“Careful with that, ladyboy!”

Jin looks up briefly, nods, and then returns to packaging the TV, this time a bit more slowly. By the time he finally finishes shoving the whole thing into the box, Jungkook has come out from the dealer truck. Together, all three of them--Jungkook, Jin, and the buyer--help heave the box into the man’s unmarked car, grunting and panting.

“Thank you for your business, sir,” Jungkook says, wiping his hands down his dusty slacks. The man gives him a tight smile and slams his car door shut. The engine comes to life. He zooms down the street.

Once he’s completely disappeared from sight, Jungkook immediately bursts into a fit of laughter, clutching his stomach. “That--that--he just--oh god,” he says, unable to contain the giggles.

Jin, on the other hand, looks still unsure. “Um, so, are you sure about this? I’m actually really surprised that he didn’t notice.”

“What, that it was an oven door?” Jungkook’s hysterical laughs reach new levels. “People can be stupid at times. But also we’re good. I really gotta commend you on that extra little flair you did at the bottom--oh, and the matte black paint you used for the screen. That shit looked super real once you’d finished.”

“Thanks,” Jin says, sounding pleased. Also kinda worried. “Um, but, when he finds out, won’t he like, call the authorities or something?”

Jungkook manages to stop laughing, turning to look at Jin with a knowing glint in his eye. “And that--” he says, ambling over to the curb. He slumps down heavily on it. “--is the true beauty of it all.”

“Uh?” Jin eyes him warily. He’s still standing, with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

“Can you grab me a coke or something?” Jungkook says, briefly deviating from the conversation.

“Um, sure,” Jin says. He disappears for a moment and comes back with two coke bottles. He hands one to Jungkook before sitting down next to him. “So what is the true beauty? This whole thing is flying way over my head.”

“The true beauty,” Jungkook says, “is that if he ever tried to report us, he--well, he couldn’t, because then he’d get himself in some deep shit too. ‘Cause we--I--told him that the ‘TV’ aka the oven door was stolen. And like, sure, he didn’t actually get what he was paying for but he still showed that he was willing to pay the money for it.  He’d have to first admit to the police he had intent to purchase stolen goods. Which is, obviously, illegal.” He snaps open the coke and takes a swig. It fizzes on his tongue delightfully.

“I--I see. But how can you be so sure that him and whatever gang he may be affiliated with won’t come back to hunt your head?”

“Oh,” Jungkook says, turning to look at Jin with a glint in his eye. “I’d like to see them try. People back at home don’t call me Cheshire for nothin’, you know. One moment I’m there, the next I’m gone. Poof.”

Jin shakes his head. “Man, you con artists--crazy, all of you.”

“Says you,” Jungkook retorts. “You’re the guy who likes to manipulate others’ emotions to get what you want. You’re basically a con artist yourself.”

Jin wrinkles his nose. “Well, what I’m doing isn’t exactly illegal. Most of the times, at least. It’s not my fault that people like the way I look that much. On the other hand, what you’re doing is, and like, almost always is illegal.”

“Yeah, yeah, legal, illegal, whatever,” Jungkook says, waving his hand in the air. “You talk like either of us actually have regard for the law.”

Jin laughs. “Alright, so you got me there. But shit, man, the lives that you guys lead are kind of weird. And all the different locations?” He frowns. “Dunno--it just seems to strike me the most.”

“What’s wrong with Madrid?”

“There’s nothing wrong with Madrid, don’t get me wrong. It’s nice and all, but Amsterdam? So much better. I’m used to it. I know the city, I’ve lived there for a while, it’s practically synonymous to ‘home.’ Like, sure, I’ll spend a few more days in Madrid, but by the end of the week you can bet that I’m on the first train back.”

“Really? Are you telling me that you plan to stay in Amsterdam?”

Jin levels a look at him. “Yeah. Not everyone’s like you, in a different city every week. Or month, or however often you change. Last time I heard from you, you were spending the evening in some penthouse over in Monaco, and now you’re working the alleys in Madrid. There aren’t a lot of people who would enjoy moving around and not settling down in one stable place for more than a few months.”

“Whatever.” Jungkook shrugs. Jin’s no fun, as always. “In any case, how was it today?”

Jin purses his lips.

Jungkook goads him on, if only for his own entertainment. “Come on, it’s got to feel nice--hell, maybe even a bit refreshing, god forbid--to be doing something else for a change.”

Jin sighs and takes a sip of his coke. “It’s all fine and dandy, but I’m not that much about all those high risks. One day of this con artist life’s enough for me.”

“Once again--”

“You know what I mean,” Jin says.

Jungkook chuckles and knocks him playfully on the shoulder. “Yeah, yeah.” He finishes off the coke and tosses it in a nearby trash can, gets up off the curb with a sigh.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to go inside and recount my balances. Phone’s still charging ‘cause the battery is a piece of shit.”

Jin gives a hum of acknowledgement and nothing more as Jungkook unlocks the back doors and climbs inside. He reaches over to where his cracked iPhone 5s lies on the counter with the battered charging cable still stuck through it. Without even needing to really look at his Bitcoin balance, he knows the amount isn’t as much as he’d like or really be comfortable working with and he frowns. These days, he’s making a lot less through the white van speaker scams in Madrid than what he was doing before in Paris and Monaco.

It’s expected, yes, but still the disparity is a bit unsettling.

And yet on the other hand, no matter how good the money, he can't seem to stay in one place for too long, feeling it absolutely nerve wracking to be doing the same job for any longer than he wanted to. So he was out of France in no less than two months; hours of grueling train rides with no definite destination in mind later, he found himself in Spain.

It’s been two weeks since his arrival and already Jungkook can conclude that Madrid isn't quite as bad as some of the other cities he’s been to; it easily tops many of his other destinations. The city is fairly well kept--or as well kept as any major city can be. The public transportation’s cheap. The premieres are quite stunning, though he has yet to actually get inside one.

The backstreet locals he’s encountered so far aren't bad either. Already, he’s managed to con a few--with relative ease, to boot--into buying some dirt-cheap speakers for inflated prices. And, of course--he flicks a finger down his screen, grinning--he can’t forget the “flat screen TV” he just sold to his customer.

A breeze gusts by. Jungkook leans slightly forward and sucks in a breath of city air.

// London, the United Kingdom, Great Britain. July 17th.

There’s a knock on the door. Although it’s muffled, he can clearly hear someone calling out his name.

Jimin snaps out of his daydream and spins around, tearing his gaze away from the London skyline. “Yeah? Come in.”

The door slides open smoothly and his secretary gives him a tight smile, meeting his eyes with her stony, professional gaze. “You have a meeting.”

“Oh--right, yes, sorry. Taehyung, was it? From Sight Security Group?” He gives a sheepish smile and runs a hand through his hair.

“That’s correct. Shall I bring him in or do you require more time?”

Jimin looks over his desk, checking all the files that have been laid on it. What was Taehyung here to discuss again? Was it about the--oh, no it was about a possible merger of some sorts. He chuckles inwardly to himself; there’s a 90% chance the deal would be a no-go for him. He’s got what he needs. “You can tell him I’m ready.” He gives his secretary a smile and she nods. The door clicks shut behind her.

Not a minute later, Taehyung is stepping through his office door, smiling brightly. “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Park,” he says, extending a hand out to him. When he’s close enough, Jimin rises from his desk to give him a firm handshake.

“Likewise,” he replies.

// Berlin, Germany. September 3rd.

“Should I stop here?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

Jungkook carefully steers onto the side of the road--a not so legal move, but he’s never cared that much for the law anyway--and checks the meter. “That’ll be twenty euros exactly.”

The man hands him the money and Jungkook hesitates, a brief moment of debate over whether he should exchange the bills or not.

“You gonna take it or not?” Maybe not. He’s made enough money off of his earlier patrons, and conning more than three a day can get a bit risky.

“Yeah, sorry.” Jungkook takes the bills and carefully counts them out. “Alright, have a great day.”

The man grunts out a brief thanks, you too before slamming the cab door shut. Jungkook sighs and contemplates his next course of action: he could either continue working, or he could just call it a day and head back home. The car behind him beeps, prompting him to roll his eyes and pull away from the no-parking zone, out back into the road. The stoplight turns red before he can even consider speeding through it. He frowns.

Maybe he could just go home...

Suddenly, his phone rings, loud and annoying. Jungkook checks the number; it shows up as “Unknown.” How perfect. He takes the call.

“Hello?”

“Hey Jeon,” the caller says. The voice sounds gruff through the receiver, but it’s the familiarity of it that has Jungkook relaxing back into his seat, a grin on his face. There’s a stream of cackling static that Jungkook assumes to be a breathy chuckle. “I’ve got something for you.”

“Yeah?” The light turns green, finally. Jungkook speeds ahead. He drives straight past a pair of women with their hands up in the air, trying to flag him down.

The caller sighs. “It’s pretty complicated, but knowing you--I’ll try to get straight to the point. Okay, look. I’ve been trying to get this man’s money for the past month or so for various reasons--some are personal, so don’t ask--but this guy’s too damn cautious. He plays way too safe. It’s a wonder that he’s made it this far.”

“So I take it that you require my assistance?” At the intersection ahead, some reckless driver attempts a daring turn. Almost immediately, car horns beep, creating a raucous cacophony that has Jungkook pressing his lips together in disdain. “Is this going to be another one of your grand heists? Because as successful as the last one was, I nearly got--”

“No, no,” the man says, quick to cut him off. “Trust me, I’ve considered doing a heist against this guy, but I may as well march right over to his office and tell him that I’m going to steal all of his money.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.”

Jungkook considers continuing down the street for another block, but at the last moment makes a left turn. More honking. Annoyed, Jungkook lets go of the wheel for a brief second just to stick his middle finger in the air. “Alright, so then, what are you proposing, hm?”

“I want you to orchestrate a con. We’ll split the money, of course. But before I ask if you’re in and give you all the details, I’ll just let you know that it’s going to have to be a pretty damn elaborate and well thought out con, if we want to get the amount of money I’ve been hoping for.”

“And what would be that amount?”

“Roughly 100 million pounds, give or take.”

Jungkook lets out a low whistle as he rounds another corner, coming out to yet another intersection, just less crowded. “Not bad. And pounds? You’re in London again, aren’t you?”

“What can I say? Some cities just hold more charm than others. Anyways, so are you in or not?”

“100 million pounds,” Jungkook muses. Outside, the sun is setting, and the city is bathed in a beautiful tint of vibrant orange. Money isn’t much of an issue for him; in fact, he’s got plenty of it. But 100 million pounds? He smiles. “I’ll take it. Fill me in.”

He also supposes a change of location wouldn’t be so bad. Berlin has entertained him long enough.

// London, the United Kingdom, Great Britain. September 6th.

The cool London air flutters through your papers--still warm and fresh off the press--as you hastily shove them into a folder. You tuck the folder into your bag haphazardly with one hand, trying to get all your shit together with your phone clutched tightly in one hand.

“So I’ve run and done all the reports you wanted me to do. That’s all, right?” Static cackles in cadence to the heavy breaths of the other end.

“Yeah,” you say. “Like the background checks, revenue...that stuff.”

“Mhm.”

“Okay, so anyways, tell me about the new team,” you say. “Who’s the project leader?” You zip your bag shut, slinging it comfortably over your shoulder.

There’s a hesitant intake of breath. More static. “Well, about the project leader…”

“Well?” You purse your lips together.

“Uh…”

The hesitation in the speaker’s voice is all you need to confirm your worst fears. Well, not your worst fears, actually. Just--confirmation.

“I have this bad feeling that we’re thinking of the same person right now,” you say, slowly.

“And I have this feeling that we are. It isn’t bad though. I mean, come on, why are you saying it’s a bad feeling? Aren’t you guys--”

“Are you serious right now though?” you hiss into your phone. “Of all people, you chose him as the project leader? Also, when did this happen? Because I was just talking to him last night and he didn’t tell me anyth--shit.” You narrowly dodge a lamplight. Oops. “And he didn’t tell me anything,” you finish.

The other end launches into a barrage of excuses, and you roll your eyes. “Okay, fine, yeah,” you finally snap. “Just--listen. I’m going to need those plans for our newest line of security cameras before lunchtime tomorrow so I can review them; make sure you actually include the notes on the program infrastructure this time, too. Oh--and don’t forget to get me that new book on the analysis of government surveillance over the years--what was it called again? Yeah--the one by Bernstein--yeah, yeah, that one. Actually, no, nevermind, I’ll just get it myself. Alright. But don’t forget to tell him to hit the stacks if he’s going to work with us. I can’t have him even partially uninformed; I need a capable team who isn’t going to cause any--no, are you even serious right now? I’m not going to do it, you’re the one who brought him onboard in the first place, so he’s your problem now. It’s okay, he’ll probably figure out a lot of things by himself.”

The other end makes a petulant groaning noise, but they give in. “Okay, fine. If that’s all, then, I’ll be going now. Got a lot to do.”

“Alright, yeah, that’s all,” you say. “Bye.”

“See you.”

You hang up and open up the calendar on your phone, scroll through the day’s plans. Alright: so number one is to print out the latest company reports--check--then finalize the newest project’s team--check--and next up is to grab food. You smile. Sweet. The best part of any day.

// Berlin, Germany. September 3rd.

“A taxi driver? Why in the hell would you want to pose as a taxi driver in October? You do realize that it’s practically low season throughout most of Europe, right?”

His caller has taken the liberty to start up small talk and attempt to catch up on all the lost months of no contact. Impossible, really, since way too much has happened to both of them, but it’s an honorable attempt and Jungkook rises to meet it.

“I am well aware of that, yes.” Jungkook’s decided to take a leisurely stroll down the city streets of Berlin, abandoning his stolen and refurbished cab on the curb. Normally he’d park it somewhere relatively safe, but his interest in continuing to be a cab driver has been waning. He couldn’t care less if he came back the next day to see the car gone. He inhales, deep. The crisp outside air is almost luxurious after spending hours in the stuffy cab, breathing in the air of strangers.

“So why? I still don’t get it, Jeon, especially if you’re doing what I think you’re doing over there--you’re doing that bill exchange trick aren’t you?” There’s an almost accusatory tone in the speaker’s voice, and it makes Jungkook chuckle softly. After all, what else could he be expected that he do? Actually lead a perfectly honest life as a taxi driver?

“And if I am doing this trick that you speak of?” There’s a teasing lilt in Jungkook’s response.

“It doesn’t make any bloody sense, is what I’m trying to say. Because think about it: the more tourists there are, the more likely you’ll come across ones with large bills that you can snag off of them, and the whole rush and bustle of the city makes it easy for you to slip away. But on your hand--”

“Trust me, I know about all the advantages of tourist season. I’ve already done this thing back when I was in Stockholm--wait, did I never tell you about it?” He passes by a man who hobbles along the street, a small, slightly overweight dog at his side. It bares its teeth at Jungkook and lets out a high-pitched bark. And then another one.  Jungkook looks at it with a hint of disdain. The owner hushes it and drags it onwards.

“No--hell no. Stockholm? That’s--far, from where you usually are, I mean.”

“Yeah, well, all I have to say that it was getting a bit hot in Madrid for me.” Jungkook studies how the sky quickly changes color as the sun sinks ever lower into the horizon.

“Wait--Madrid to Stockholm? That’s like--”

“--an incredibly long train ride that is enough to put your ass to sleep. Yes. Now shut up and listen, will you?” Jungkook sighs and grins when the other end laughs.

“Alright, alright.”

“So as I said before, I posed as a taxi driver during Stockholm’s tourist season, and yes, I made some really good money overall. Tourists, you know, slamming themselves into my cab, jabbering in mostly English, shoving their kronor at me--that stuff. But so one day I have this tourist who, as it turns out, just came straight from the bank with five fresh 1000-krona banknotes. A real mark, lemme tell you.”

“No other change?”

“No other change,” Jungkook confirms. The thought of it has him grinning all over again from ear to ear.

“Geez. Guy like that’s just asking to get marked up and down by cons.”

“Yeah, I know--and unfortunately for the mark, I had been carrying a crap ton of counterfeit 1000-krona banknotes for a while; so I get to his destination, he says ‘thanks,’ and hands me his first bill. I nimbly exchange it, tell him it’s fake, he gives me that look, you know, but what can he say? Not much. So he takes the fake bill back, hands me another. I exchange it. He gives me a more suspicious look this time, but it’s okay--I brought along the counterfeit bill detector. Show it to him, and sure as it is, the bill’s fake.”

“So are you telling me that you did this for every single bill that he gave to you?” There’s a tone of half-disbelief, half-amusement in the guy’s voice.

“Hell yeah. I made five thousand kronor just off that one guy, in one day--so that’s roughly 600 US dollars, or 660,000 won, or 460 British pounds, whatever.” It’s practically dusk. Streetlamps flicker on, one by one.

“Nice,” the caller commends. “Lucky as hell, as always. But that still brings me to my other point--so why in the sodding hell would you not do it during tourist season?”

“I’m surprised you haven’t figured it out yourself yet, having known me this long. But whatever,” Jungkook says. He can hear the man grumbling something about big headed pricks and lack of communication on the other end. He chuckles. “It’s because things got too easy. And when they do, I like to take a break, get away--and then try it again with a challenge. Makes things more interesting. And in this case, I wanted to see just how slick I could get with this cabbie scam.”

“So I take it that it’s actually going pretty well for you?”

“Ah, well,” Jungkook says. He pulls out his wallet and thumbs it through. “Not nearly as much money as I could be making right now, but so far so good. Relative to my expectations, of course. In any case, your call actually came at a good time--I was thinking of making a move--to Warsaw, or somewhere. Start anew, yeah?”

“Hell yeah. Can’t imagine you staying in one place for very long, anyway. Anyhow, you back at your place yet? I just finished developing all of the files and papers and crap that we’ll have to discuss, and I’d really like to get onto them.”

Jungkook chuckles and pulls out his set of keys as he ambles down the streets. He spots his crappy 4-story, concrete-covered apartment building just at the end of the block, the ground floor completely covered in obscure graffiti. “Patience. But yeah, I’m walking into the building. I’ll call you back when I get inside? My phone’s almost drained of battery.”

“Yeah sure, whatever.”

// London, the United Kingdom, Great Britain. September 20th.

Park Jimin pushes aside the white blackout curtains in his 3-story London penthouse. There’s a gloomy darkness outside, a world with a sun that has yet to rise. He examines the view before him: the Thames river--which even in the dim lighting Jimin can tell is its typical brownish color--making gentle waves in the morning breeze, concrete-and-brick buildings stooping close to the waterline, the endless city skyline stretching towards infinity, accented by the outcrop that he knows is St. Paul’s Cathedral. Jimin sighs and drops his hand from the window.

His attention turns to his room, which extends outwards to encompass the majority of the top floor of his penthouse. It’s big, yes, but it’s almost too big. He frowns. It feels much too big for just one person. The loneliness and returning to a quiet, empty, dark apartment every night seems to have finally caught up to him. Jimin hums a song that doesn’t quite exist. Maybe he’ll have to invest in a dog, some sort of pet. That’d be nice. Actually, he’s not sure if pets are allowed in the complex, so he’ll have to check later. Jimin stops humming and turns away from the window.

He’s spent enough time musing; it’s high time that he get dressed and ready for the work day.

// Berlin, Germany. September 3rd.

“Alright, so could you repeat those names again? I need to write them down.” Jungkook quickly reaches over and pulls out a few sheets of scrap paper.

“All the info’s in the document that I’m sending you via the encrypted stream, but alright.” The caller exhales loudly in mock annoyance. “So first up there’s the CEO: last name Park, first name Jimin.”

“And he’s the CEO of the--that--what did you say it was again?”

“G5S PLC,” the other side answers simply. “PLC meaning public limited company. Huge huge security group over here.”

“Sounds serious,” Jungkook says. “Alright, next?”

“So the next one is kind of different in that he’s not the CEO of the company, but rather he’s just a rep. Apparently the actual CEO’s out of the country.”

“An interesting twist,” Jungkook comments. “So who is the rep?”

“Guy whose last name is Kim and first name is Taehyung.”

“Okay.” Jungkook jots down the name and occupation “And the last one?”

“Last name_______, first name _______.”

“And she is?” Jungkook writes down your name and waits for further explanation.

“Owner and CEO of a small tech startup that’s making big advances in her field. Her company specializes in security and shit--just check the document if you want more detail. All of it’s in there.”

“Okay, so is that it?” Jungkook reviews the list of names. He hums. “You’re dealing with a bunch of security people, I see.”

“Well, I mean, isn’t London one of the most heavily surveilled cities in the world? It’s pretty notorious for all the CCTV’s and shit they got over here. Makes it easy to catch criminals for sure. It also means there are tons of security companies making it big, too.”

“Certainly, yeah.” Jungkook stretches and yawns. “Alright, if that’s all, I’ll just go ahead and check the document myself. I’ll call later when I’ve got things figured out.”

“Okay, see you later. Thanks for taking the offer.”

“No problem.”

// Berlin, Germany. September 5th.

As per usual, Namjoon’s the one answering the call; of the two heads of the whole Kim & Min Identity Security Consulting Group--or whatever the hell they decided to name their spoof company--he’s the people person.

Well, no, actually, neither Namjoon nor Yoongi like to directly deal with people, but Namjoon just tends to be better at handling others than Yoongi--by a long shot. Last time Jungkook tried to have a business conversation with Yoongi--over the phone, mind you--it hardly managed to last more than twenty seconds before completely blowing over in a cloud of snappy remarks and a mumbled phrase about not getting enough sleep. And the thing is, Jungkook wasn’t even trying to be a total prick in the ass. For once.

Now he just sort of--is.

“Alright, so you’re requesting the whole identity grafting package, with a mailed birth certificate and government ID?”

“Yeah, that’s correct. Possibly a government email address, too. I can engineer the cellphone number myself though. Oh, and an apartment. I can work with you guys on that.”

“Okay.” There’s a brief pause. “So do you have any specific name you’d want to go by?” Jungkook can almost imagine Namjoon sitting on the other end at his desk, pen poised neatly above his signature yellow memo pad.

“I don’t know--something really generic. Can’t have people searching me up all that easily--as great as your identity grafting abilities are, Namjoon, I’d much rather avoid the whole hassle of making sure all the sources check out.”

“No--it’s perfectly understandable. Saves me time too. Alright, we’ll create the new identity for you and have all the basic necessities mailed by--” there’s some static and Jungkook guesses that Namjoon’s probably leaning over to see his calendar--wherever that is--buried behind the mess of his workplace. Namjoon’s never been known for keeping things tidy, and Yoongi’s never been known to clean up after others. So the filth just keeps on piling on itself. “--does a week’s time work for you? Any earlier and we’ll have to charge you lots extra, and maybe there’ll be an additional fee from Yoongi. He’s been super irritable because he’s had to do a lot of database infiltrating, and you know he gets--”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jungkook quickly interjects. He reaches back and stretches out his limbs. “No--a week’s time is good.”

“Okay, and as for the apartment, uh--Yoongi?” Namjoon’s voice fades into the background but it’s still loud enough. “How fast do you think you can secure an apartment?”

“An apartment?” Yoongi’s voice finds its way through the receiver. For once, he actually sounds fully awake.

“Yeah, in downtown London.”

“London? Fucking shit, man, place is crowded as hell,” Yoongi grumbles. “It’s going to take a damn long time.”

“So is there an estimate?”

“Well, who’s this apartment for?”

“Jeon Jungkook, you know, the guy--”

“Oh, I know him.” Jungkook raises an eyebrow and smiles at Yoongi’s tone.

“Oh,” Namjoon says. “So uh?”

There’s a brief pause. “I’ll say two months,” Yoongi says, finally. “Give me two months, and I’ll see what I can do.”

“Alright.” Namjoon’s voice is louder now. “Did you get that, Jeon? Two months, apparently. We’ll charge you the bill for the apartment separately, of course.”

“Okay,” Jungkook says easily. “That’s fine. I can work with two months--if anything, I can stay in temporary shelter for the first few days--” Jungkook’s phone beeps and he pulls it away from his ear to inspect it; he has another call coming. “Namjoon, I’ll send you the mailing address later, I gotta go.”

“Wh--” Namjoon doesn’t even get to say a word before Jungkook hangs up and takes the call.

“Hey.”

// London, the United Kingdom, Great Britain. November 2nd.

“Oh, wow, sorry, my tone came out a bit too harsh. I just didn’t have a great start to the day. Nothing serious. Anyways, yes, what is it?” Taehyung laughs awkwardly into the phone. Maybe he shouldn’t answer the phone when he’s irritated and it’s the early morning and when that one damn stranger spilled his coffee on him. His emotions tend to slip out and affect his tone.

“Don’t worry about it,” the other end assures him. “I was wondering--would you mind representing the company in an upcoming meeting for me? I’m sorry, ever since I moved over here, I’ve been having you do all the--”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Taehyung says, a bit hastily. “I don’t mind at all. It makes sense, honestly, since I’m the one here and everything.”

“Alright, thank you.” The other side takes a deep breath. “So apparently there was a letter that was sent out, and the details were then copied over to me; I can send them over to you, unless you want to view the letter yourself. It should be over there.”

“Alright,” Taehyung says. “I’ll take a look at it. Who is the host of the meeting, if I may ask?”

“Uh,” the other end goes silent for a moment, probably double checking the details. “He goes by Kevin Jeon.”

// Berlin, Germany. September 20th.

Jungkook grips the summary and transaction papers with so much force he wrinkles the edges and crumples the sides. They aren’t necessary, anyway, just for glancing back over for the sake of memories and keeping track of payments. Shit that he could care less about right now.

“Jeon, seriously? Jeon? You’re using my actual last name? And it’s not like, even that common,” Jungkook hisses into the phone. “You could’ve at least changed it to, oh, I don’t know, Kim, or Park, or Lee. Or maybe you could’ve deviated from my Korean ethnicity, and put something like Chen or Ngyuen. Or something. But nope, you--”

“Relax, dude,” Namjoon says, clearly unfazed by Jungkook’s angry outburst. “That was the only name that was available in our databases. Plus, Kevin Jeon is common enough. Well, actually, kinda uncommon in relative terms, but it’s fine, it’s fine. Trust me. If anything, did you know that--”

“Yes, I know, but I don’t care about how stupid that idiot was to--”

“You just care about whether or not you’ll get caught, et cetera, et cetera, I get it. And I can fully assure you that you’re fine. Have we ever caused you any reason to doubt our services?” At this point, Namjoon is just going to continue spouting the same phrases over and over again, so Jungkook decides to drop the point and just suck it up.

“Yeah, okay, fine, whatever.” His tone still betrays the anger that bubbles just below the surface.

// London, the United Kingdom, Great Britain. November 2nd.

You adjust the phone against your cheek, relaxing just slightly when you hear the receiver click.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” you greet back. “How’ve you been?”

“Busy, you know,” he says. “Same old shit.”

Your lips quirk into a smile. “Oh?”

“Yeah. So how did you spend your weekend?”

“Oh, not all that much.” You reply “I just went to visit a friend in Manchester.”

“Oh really? Wow, so I take it that you went over there right after that international ah, conference in Budapest?”

You nod in affirmation but then realize he can’t see you. “Yeah, I had to squeeze it in my schedule somehow. In any case, it was really nice to finally get to see her again; we both lead fairly busy lives so getting to spend time together, you know...that stuff doesn’t happen often.”

“I see,” he says. The way he says the words with a bit of wistfulness; he’s probably caught onto what you’d been hinting. About him. And you. “What does she do for a living? Does she run her own startup like you?” And now, he’s back to only light heartedly joking.

“Oh--no. She works at the BBC headquarters there.” You wonder what his hair looks like now, how he’s doing. You wonder if he’s craving the Cadbury chocolates he used to eat all the time last time he was in London.

“BBC? Wow, that must be great.” He laughs softly. “Anyways, I was just wondering if--”

“________,” a clerk cuts in, coming over to you. You frown and purse your lips, but quickly put your call on hold; the clerk never really interrupts you while you’re busy unless he’s got good reason to. You watch as he hands you a cream-colored envelope. “For you.”

// Berlin, Germany. November 2nd.

Someone comes up on the intercom system in the train station and explains in German about some delays, or whatever the hell is going on.

Wait--Jungkook moves the phone away from his ear so he can catch the speaker--the person’s talking about his train. His train, from Berlin to London, is going to be delayed for another fifteen minutes. Figures. Jungkook checks his watch: it’s 7:31, and the train is supposed to be here in five minutes. He goes back to the call.

“--ou there? Hello?” Namjoon sounds mildly concerned.

“Yeah, sorry. Just found out my train got delayed. Anyways, what were you saying?”

“Nothing much really,” Namjoon says. “I just wanted to know why you wanted to get the documents mailed out so early, when you aren’t even in the place yet. Like, wouldn’t you have to hit the ground running the moment you arrive?”

“Well, I’ve had plenty of time to prepare and plan the con ahead of time.”

“You sure you got everyone? Who’s your shill? Who’s the roper?” Namjoon asks, sounding almost like a concerned parent. In the background, Jungkook can catch snatches of Yoongi’s raspy voice cursing the lights out of something.

“Shill this, roper that. Like hell I’d forget to have a shill or roper, especially for a con as elaborate as this. What, you think I’d walk in there without a distraction or someone to bag it all in? Nah, your boy is pre-pared.”

“Yeah, but still, you should at least rest and get settled in before you begin--”

“Rest? I can get plenty of that on the train ride there. But if I really had to tell you why it seems so...rushed, it’s honestly because--” Jungkook sucks in a breath and grins. “--I can’t wait. That’s pretty much, honestly. Oh, and also the fact that if I dwindle on the thing too long, I’ll never stop making minor tweaks to the plan until I’ve practically completely changed it. So there it is.”

“Okay well,” Namjoon says sounding almost reluctant, indecisive, “have fun while you’re there I guess. Let me know how it goes.”

// London, the United Kingdom, Great Britain. November 2nd.

Jungkook steps out of the train station in a crisp suit. His Rolex reflects the streetlights as he reaches to run a hand through his hair.

“Do you need a cab?” He turns and gives a polite smile to the station worker.

“That’d be wonderful, thank you.” English rolls off of his tongue and it feels almost nostalgic; he hasn’t used the language extensively in a while and although he’s still slightly rusty, his pronunciation is impeccable. The man nods and goes to hail a cab for him. As he waits, Jungkook takes the time to brush off invisible dust from his clothes and fix his tie.

Finally, the cab arrives and he steps in, setting his briefcase on his lap. He’ll have to go shopping for more clothes and other necessities, but those are issues for another time.

“Where to?”

Jungkook gives the driver the name of his hotel--a temporary residency until Namjoon and Yoongi can briefly secure an apartment downtown for him--and leans back into his seat. He looks out the window, watching cars and lights and people pass by.

London, at long last. He grins. Tomorrow--he can’t wait for it to come. Tomorrow, he would really, truly begin.

a/n: for the record, the oven door TV scam was an actual thing. or at least according to wikipedia. LOL 

i know it’s been a while, but thank you & thank you to everyone who was interested :) <3

[shaddy-bee]

I KNOW ITS BEEN LIKE 300 YEARS BUT-

5 things you’ll find in my bag

Right now theres uhh Notebooks, both school and 1 art. Drink mix ins, with such great flavors as sour apple jolly rancher and crush pineapple (tm) Two packs of cards, one of which steam punk themed and the other your regular ol bicycle. A calculator. Its a shitty old one but its for tests, i have google and shit for anything i need myself.

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom

A roommate. Idk if he is gay or what but he isnt straight, name’s will. Chill dude. Sleepin rn, what a fella MY SICK ASS COMPUTER IM MISSING OUT ON BECAUSE MY ROOMMATE IS ASLEEP AAAAAAAAAAAAAA I WANNA PLAY ROCKET LEAGUE WITHOUT LAGGING TO HELL also programming my mods. Need to upload that shit. Shit what number we on, 3? Okay cool. A bed. Wow really a bed in your bedrooM? yeah its pretty fuckin spectacular i know. I dont have posters n shit so like i gotta be creative you feel. A microfridge. Now i know what youre thinking, “ah a small fridge whats the big deal?” but no you dont understand, its a microwave fucking bolted onto the top of a fridge. They gave zero fucks attaching these two together and apparently the name is the same way, WHY NOT A FRIDGEWAVE EVEN LIKE MICROFRIDGE JUST SOUNDS LIKE A SMALL FRI- Last but not least, im tempted to just say my wallet here tbh, cuz its old but like, youd EXPECT that now would you? Something boring and mundane for me to fill out the word count with making everything super exciting so nah man, fuck it. Theres air in my bedroom. Fight me.

5 things I’ve always wanted to do in my life

Make a videogame. Like okay, a lot of stuff on this list is jokes and stuff, and I know im going into too much detail and my followers will probably murder me in cold blood for this shit, but im serious about this one like - i have some ideas, but i never have the motivation alone to like work whole-heartedly and finish one but like, at some point in the future id love to sit down and just go at it and make a game. Doesnt matter if its popular or big or small just i wanna make something that i love ya feel? I wanna like, go to newark, delaware. I know, its delaware and all, no one lives there, but ive met a bunch of cool people there and i was promised a donut run sometime, so lookin forward to that. Yknow that post awhile back that was like “i dont wanna be rich and like buy shit, i just wanna have enough money to throw at kickstarters whenever i want without having to strain on my food and rent costs” thats me. 100% Like i wanna have just enough money to be able to donate to cool people and watch them do cool shit - it wont always work out but thats fine, I just love shit. I wanna be able to donate like the high prize and fly out to meet these game studios for coffee and shit and just talk with em and see their passion and ideas. I love it. Im not actually really sure besides those. Like idk. I think itd be cool to enter a game tournament with my brother and win, but i doubt thatll happen and its not super like on my desires just itd be cool cuz we named ourselves Sora and Shiro after NGNL and to see that like, have us win would be great. Yeah. Ill make my fifth to think of a fifth one.

5 things on my to do list

FLOPPY DICKS i mean disks. Floppy disks. I do binding of isaac ab+ modding shit, and im currently working (its mostly done for what i want it to do) which adds a new consumable called floppy disks, effects are based on viruses, bugs, and just computer based shit. Like BSOD for instance, which makes the screen literately bluescreen. Or atleast look like it. Cant wait to watch people play with it. I gotta work on the programming class project too but honestly i dont waannnaaa. Like its cool as shit. Recreate a card game using c++ code. But man, i just love Apocrypha and Floppies so much more. Eat today???? Please. Dining hall opens in 3 hours. Its goddamn 4 am. I want my food. Dunno if ill get it - if ill stay awake till then. But i want it. Probably draw some stuff? Like i posted one drawing already (check it out if u wanna ;) kay?) but like theres wacom tablets here i can just kinda use whenever???? its great. I love being able to just draw stuff on em. Even if i suck at drawing, even if it took 10 hours to make the one i posted here, still love. Probably play more rocket league. Sleep first, soon as i get that food im CRASHIN BOI IM OUTTIE HA but uhh, rocket league has a halloween thing rn and i like playing it. Was playing earlier today and i matchd with a dude in 2v2 that had the same car, skin, AND colors set up as mine. Totaly random. We kicked some major ass together. I kept thinking of the same hat comic the entire time. (also my card was superior because it had furry ears on it ;))

5 things that make me happy

Getting an idea for a thing and working at said thing until like boom it went from this abstract idea to now it has a physical form and it works! And its fun and its great and i can share it with other people and they can have fun too!!!! that feeling is wonderful.  Obviously friends man. Just doing shit with people can be so great sometimes - like not all the time sure but like man. Its nice to talk to people and share experiences and just smile and tell bad jokes and have them groan but like it anyway like thats the shit. Going out at 2 am and walking to a nearby run down schoolyard and swinging on the swingsets and watching shooting stars burn up. Thats the good shit. Getting tents and setting em up in your friends back yard when your friend from far away comes up for a few days, and playing ridiculous games in a group like kick the can or fuckin zombie screaming your lungs out in the dark to freak em out, or just talkin around a fire about fuckin life man. The people make life great. Shits worth living for. I realize that last answer covered a LOT of shit but like, im just gonna add here videogames. Would be amiss if i didnt mention that, considering the rocket league rant above lmao. Yeah i better not make this category any longer.

5 things I’m (currently) into

Isaac modding, probably will be for awhile. Its good shit. As a suggestion from one of the people I work with (we also fuck around its a good time) i have started watching space dandy. Its a slow progress through lol like an episode or two a day but god man like its pretty ridiculous and the main character is pretty much everything i was expecting from seeing him everywhere. Rocket league again. It comes and goes with various different games to tide me over, give me a break from working. Bout 2 months ago or so said relaxing time was dominated by anime - i suddenly went on like a massive streak of watching shit. By that i mean, i watched all of hunter x hunter in like 2 weeks, among other shows prior to it. But yeah. Fuck man HXH I LOVED THE KING WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I have too many emotions about that. I wrote a rant to the Groupchat (tm) about the fucking battle and how everything is in slow motion but it fucking like makes it like foreshadowed and have so much of an impact and still so much fucking happens even while everything runs at super slow mo just GOD KLASFJBHUGHASFIUHIPJASK anyway. Yeah. Music, as always im listening to like constantly. Wireless headphones are a wonder for this, but uhh....i cant say im especially into any specific thing rn right? Like a bit ago i was super into joywave and then that faded out and now im just listening to whatever random shit, yknow? But I am into music in general. Its good. Art! A lot of times i dont do shit like for drawing right, like especially not in like pencil in notebooks but like, i sorta started doing a lot more art stuff? Like i had a period awhile back last year where i stopped using pencils and used only pens and i just loved the aesthetic of the ink like how it looked (funny how im doing the opposite of the fucking inktober though, huh?) but yeah im back into using pencils to draw shit occasionally. Im still terrible at drawing people (which is what i see mostly everyone drawing on tumblr lmao RIP) but its fun to sketch stuff out and just let my thoughts run and bounce to some music and shit right? Also the tablets. Especially with the tablets.

5 things people may not know about me (at least on tumblr)

I basically constantly wear sweatshirts, and they all have like earbuds where the strings go. All the earbud shits are broken pretty much, like occasionally they work (the one i have rn does) but like, i dont ever really use them? i have wireless headphones for my phone and a headset (because i need the mic for my computer) for said computer so like, idk. But yeah. I rarely take em off when im not home, and sometimes even when i am i just kinda keep em anyway? (also just now i realized i talked in the section for room shit about all the stuff in my current dorm, my room at home has all KINDS of wierd fucking shit in it. Really missed an opportunity there.) Like many people i like to stay hydrated and shit, but drinking water all the time seemed like a chore more than anything so i got like drink mix ins and shit, mio’s or whatever offbrand version you can find at your local SUPERSTORE CONGLOMERATE. I drink em like all the time pretty much so atleast im health in one way :P. Also gummy vitamins. I dont excercise but you can only ask for so much. Idk, its hard to think of things for this section because tumblr knows so little about me yknow? Like i never make my own posts or shit like its SUPER rare so im pretty much just tryna find random facts but that might not be interesting? Like i have a bad habbit of like talking way too loud when im excited about something right? Not quite yelling but like getting there and like idk. See? Thats not super interesting but it is something no one online would be able to really know ya feel? Idk. I mean physically im kinda fat as you do, but im also like wierdly strong? Like for someone who never works out i sure do have arm strength if nothing else lmao. My endurance is shit tho. Honestly? I can only blame it on osu and groceries. Osu is just a game i like where you mash buttons to the beat of weaboo shit tier music. The groceries is just because like, well, my policy is Least Trips Possible which means carrying in 13 bags at a time if need be it, fuck it milk too? And a watermellon? Bring it. 

Who am I tagging? Idk man. Just for shits and stuff tho i do wanna tag @theoriginalyami just to see what all’s changed in teh long time since i actually went to fill it out :P Dont feel like you have to add as much as me tho omg @milkchocolateowl because honestly? love you. Think about you a lot, just like glad im mutuals with that ray of sunshine. Good. @fantaledfish <3 (this is the friend i mentioned earlier, runs a QUALITY blog i guarantee it, better than mine for sure) @dragonfucker-supreme always top in my notes, a silent bond, like two guards assigned to watch back to back in the early dawn. Birds gather round. I can only tag so many people (i set myself a limit of 5 because...idk why i just mentally it felt right) so for my last trick gotta go with @ask-oncies-jizz like cmon man name changes for the win, also has quality icons and quality shitposts tbh, supreme top meme. Have fun yall.

[freelancewriterbarbie]

Why Teens Shouldn’t Run Revolutions

Hi guys. I’m going to piss off a lot of YA writers (and possibly readers) today, so hang onto your hats.

Mainly, if you’re in love with the idea of a high schooler with no strategic or combat experience heading up a revolution or war because they’re “so dedicated and determined,” don’t read this. Please, don’t. You’re not going to see anything you like. Go ahead and keep enjoying your guilty pleasure – that’s fine. I’m not going to own up to some of the guilty pleasures I love in fiction but don’t buy for a second in real life. That’s chill. Go for it, man.

But there are just things that I – and readers like me – are tired of seeing. If you’re sick of that trope, then keep reading. If you’re open to the idea of ditching that trope in your writing, then I really recommend reading.

This assessment/collection of tips on why teens shouldn’t run revolutions - and if you’re going to make them, how they CAN do it well - will include comparisons to history, other fiction (Unplugged), and Black Butler. Plus swearing and a range of incorrect capitalizations, because it’s fun.

On we go:

A short message to the book, Unplugged:

You know why you have to be 18-years-old before they let you join the military in the U.S.? Because high schoolers shouldn’t be allowed to even clean a machine that’s being involved in war – let alone run the goddamn campaign. You’ve already proven beyond a shadow of doubt you can’t handle the social battles of the school halls; how the hell are you going to handle the complexities of a war?

…Unplugged has me in a bit of a dither.

Why Teens and Children Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Run Wars or Rebellions: 

Your crush rejects you and your day (or days) is ruined. Someone says something mean to you and it not only requires four paragraphs (20 minutes to 2 hours) of reflecting, self-pitying, and self-doubt, but can possibly affect you chapters (days to weeks or even months) later.

What does this mean? You haven’t learned how to compartmentalize yet. War requires compartmentalization! Dividing yourself from your seat of power; dividing your personal life from your professional life. Learning to put real and legitimate trials of the heart on the back burner because they’re not a priority.  

To the teen protagonist of Unplugged and plenty of teen protags like her: you got manipulated into offering up your body because your sister asked you nicely – the sister you haven’t seen in over a decade and who just said to your face she was going to off you! Who cares if you love her or if there are emotional tugs. You’re not grounded enough in your own standards and what you are and aren’t willing to put up with to start a war! You’re easily swayed!

Why Other Fiction Needs to Dodge This Problem: 

Don’t let this chick sit at a negotiation table; she’ll hand over the cause because someone appealed to her personal sense of morality. If you start a war, you better be so damn convinced of it that no counter argument could possibly sway you. If you think there exists a counter argument that could – then Don’t. Start. The. Damn. War.  

Or at the very least – don’t be in charge of the damn war! Put someone far more convinced than you at the head of the army or cause! Someone more emotionally well balanced and founded who can handle the war as a general and not as a person. This isn’t high school where we’re supposed to find our emotional foundation – you need to have it before you get started.

History and Real Teen or Child Rulers/Leaders/Conquerors: 

But okay. Okay. Look back at history – there have been plenty of young rulers, leaders, and conquerors. Age doesn’t matter in and of its self. But you know what the difference is?

Those teens were RAISED for the job. From age five or even younger, they were groomed to be exactly what they became – by people who already held the position they’re achieving. Tribal warrior teen? Was taught how to kill and defend their village since they could walk. Conquering prince at the age of 10? He had a father, and a team of advisers, and countless other GENERALS, and KINGS, and GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS who TRAINED him since a young age. Not the most cliché suburban family ever! People who devoted their whole career to understanding the art of GOVERNMENT, and WAR, and RULING. Not people who attend Tupperware parties, talk about politics they’ve only heard about on TV – and as mere dinner conversation – and whose most defining characteristic is telling you to eat all your veggies because children in Africa would love to have that food (back at you, Unplugged).

Those child or teen leaders didn’t learn social studies and history and math so maybe they could become a janitor, or an artist, or a doctor, or ‘who knows, they have time to decide.’ They learned social studies so they could understand how SOCIETY and HUMANS worked, so they could RULE them or CONQUER them. They learned history so they could take point from PREVIOUS RULERS AND CONQUERORS on how to do the job. They learned math so they could better form GOVERNMENT POLICY and STRATEGIZE in war. They accomplish the task of ruling and warring well because that’s what they’ve specialized in for YEARS.

The point comes down to this: Why Time Counts:

Here’s how it goes averagely: High schoolers do their high school thing, they hit 18, they join the military, they spend the next decade or so learning all that war shit and SLOWLY rising through the ranks as they PROVE themselves. As they gain EXPERIENCE. Most of it is spent doing push-ups, cleaning shit, and following express orders to the very T, because being a free-thinking individual doesn’t work when there are lives and countries at stake and you don’t have the EXPERIENCE yet to make a solid call on that kind of shit.

THEN after YEARS and even DECADES of experience, through which you’ve watched the LEAD of others, you MAYBE get to be high ranking enough to make judgment calls. Or calls at all. After years of specialized practice, teaching, and training, you get to lead wars.

That’s the facts, jack.

So let’s say, for the sake of simplicity, it takes you ten years of this rigorous shit to earn that status.

Teen warriors in the past? Why do they get to do it as teens? Because they are 14 and they ‘joined’ when they were fucking four. Not 18. So they don’t have to be 28 before that shit happens because they GOT THEIR 10 YEARS IN EARLY. NOW they’re ready to lead.

Modern day high schooler protagonist? You’re 16, or EVEN 18, and you haven’t had any of those 10 years. Even if you just had one year of experience, IT’S NOT 10. You are a four-year-old in the eyes of that 14-year-old historical conquer as far as experience goes. That 14-year-old is 28 in your eyes as far as experience goes.

Why Maturity Matters, and How You Can Have a Child Body But an Adult Mind:

By the time you’re 28, you’re probably passed the teen romance and ‘finding yourself’ state. NOW you’re qualified.

That 14-year-old historical leader? Didn’t even start that. Cut that whole portion out of their life. They went from four to 18 with no middle ground at all, and hit the tarmac running. That is the trade-off of being a child leader.

Want your teen romance and soul searching time? That’s good. Do that. But don’t expect to run a war at the same time because those two things need to be COMPLETELY REMOVED FROM ONE ANOTHER.

Is it sad that kid didn’t get a childhood? Sure. But that’s the trade-off of running a war at 14. You can fit an adult brain in a child’s body, but that means you have to get rid of the child’s brain. If you want to be a child’s age and still be a leader, then you need to get rid of the CHILD MENTALITY. Adults run wars. Children don’t run wars. So that 14-year-old becomes an insta-adult.

Does this fuck someone up? It can. It really can. So if you think it’s going to fuck you up, wait until you’re older. If you think it’s going to fuck up someone you know? Don’t let them start a war, and/or hand the war off to someone else and let the kid continue in their childhood.

Experience, Experience, Experience:

Dear teen protag, you’re not even out of high school, and as early as last week your biggest worry was, “Does my crush know I exist?” AND NOW YOU’RE TELLING ME YOU’RE READY TO BE THE BEST GENERAL THERE EVER WAS? AND SPEARHEAD A REVOLUTION?

Determination is all fine and dandy, sweetheart, that’s great. BUT PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE THIS THEIR WHOLE LIFE ARE GOING TO TRUMP THE EVER LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU. Maybe they’re not as determined as you. Maybe they’re not even as dedicated as you. But put someone who plays Monopoly every day, all day, and has for years, up against someone who’s NEVER played but REALLY wants to win.

Who is going to manage their money better? Who is going to know which properties are really valuable? Who’s going to talk you out of your properties, and then have no problem being cut-throat in trading in return because THEY KNOW HOW TO WIN? Who knows how to drag out the game until you’re so bored and confused that you mess up or quit? The player who plays every day is used to the rules and used to PLAYING the other PLAYERS. If they didn’t, THEY WOULDN’T PLAY MONOPOLY SO MUCH.

You. Need. Experience. You can’t even become a doctor without years of training and specialized practice. You can’t even become a JANITOR without experience. You might be able to bullshit your way through an interview to become a janitor, and be a damn fine one once you have, but this is fucking war. Against enemies who are better prepared, have been better prepared for LONGER, and have experience on you. The stakes are higher and people are specifically hunting for your failures. You are going to lose and people are going to die for it. Congrats.

You Need to Be Emotionally Well-Balanced, and Bounce Back:

Hi, Unplugged and similar protagonists, me again.

You’re too susceptible to shock. Your heart rises to your throat every time something bad happens or you’re caught off guard. Bull. You need to have a ‘I didn’t predict that, but I’m not surprised’ mentality for everything.

It’s okay to not see things coming. It’s okay if it catches you off guard sometimes. But you need to never be SURPRISED. Surprised means you NEVER CONSIDERED EVEN THE POSSIBILITY. Even if you didn’t know what that possibility was, know that there is an unknown factor you didn’t account for – and leave some room for overflow just in case!

You know who’s capable of that? People with an adult-level of maturity in their brains. Tell a kid that the bills won’t be made that month. Kid will flip the fuck out. Crying, worrying, trouble sleeping, sickness even. Can’t handle it. Just can’t handle that responsibility or that stress or that fear.

Why does your mom not act like this if the paycheck is short for the bills? Because she may not have expected it – she may panic a little – but she isn’t shocked by the idea that money can be short, that work can be short, that bills can sometimes be missed. It’s not a mind blowing concept.

She’s. Learned. How. To. Manage. Stress. She’s learned to anticipate problems, and create a savings, or negotiate with the landlord, or get another job. She has the forethought to be able to look and find the solution rather than drowning in the now. Drowning in the now causes you to make decisions for NOW, not the FUTURE.

That’s why MOMS are in charge of the bills. That’s why CHILDREN are not. Your teen protagonist’s mom is probably better equipped to run the revolution than them. Which brings me to the next point:

Striking the Teen or Child Leader Balance: TEACHERS and SUPPORT:

Give Them Qualified Teaches – and Don’t Bully-ify Them

You want a child or teen revolutionary leader? Cool. Give them experience from the start.

Want a teen with no experience before the moment the war started? DON’T PUT THEM IN CHARGE OF IT.

If you’re going to put them in charge of it, SURROUND THEM BY PEOPLE WHO KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEY’RE DOING.

Then make the teachers have an invested interest in TEACHING THEM, not just proving them wrong. Sure, maybe they’ll be resentful as shit that some cosmic reason has put the kid in charge and not them, but after that, they’ll start MOLDING the child to be as good as THEY would’ve been. Why? Because if they weren’t capable of putting their own emotions aside and both evaluating and pursing what was best for the CAUSE or the WAR, they wouldn’t be in their position of power!

Don’t Make Them Better Than Their Teachers

Having all the qualified people ooh and awe about how much smarter the kid is than them doesn’t give them legitimacy. Having the kid trump them at everything beyond the odds doesn’t add legitimacy. It makes those ‘qualified people’ look stupid.

They wouldn’t be qualified if a kid could trump them in the first, second, or third try. One of those teachers was once the prodigy if they’re in charge of teaching you, the causes’s next leader and final great hope. Now they’re 40 and still a prodigy. They have 25 years and that prodigy-ness on you. They’re better than you. The teacher has to be better than the student to explain why the student is improving at all. Don’t have the kid blow them out of the water at every turn.

If the kid knocks a ball out of the park against the predictions of the other generals, make it RARE, and EXCEPTIONAL, and something others acknowledge as JUST THAT. Make it “you’ll make a great general SOME DAY with that attitude.” “You made a good call THIS TIME, kid.” “You’re going to be better than me WHEN YOU’RE MY AGE.” Don’t make their moment of rare triumph an immediate shift of power from those older, more experienced, and more qualified.

Nobody is Suddenly Expert Level at Something

You like high school YA stories? Great! Let’s put it in that context.

Instead of one teacher vs. 30 students, you have 30 teachers vs. your own main character student. Their lives hinge on making sure that kid gets as smart as them.

How ridiculous would it be if a 2nd grader was thrown in a class and they just KNEW math without ever once doing a problem before? Better yet, they know it better than their nuclear physicist of a teacher after a month? No. Don’t do that. 

If after a few months of lessons, the teacher says to do the problems with ONE FORMULA, and the kid messes around with a NEW FORMULA and gets the SAME ANSWER – then good for the kid! The kid will get accolades and acknowledgment that they did something right all by themselves against the odds. Great.

Then they use the formula for something else and get the wrong answer. That’s natural. There’s a reason the teacher uses one formula. That’s fine. They’re still learning. BUT THEY SHOULDN’T TRUMP THEIR TEACHER AFTER A FEW TRIES, and NOT EVERY SINGLE TIME GOING FORWARD.

They Can Be Ahead of the Game – But Can’t Win the Game Immediately

After six years of lessons from that nuclear physicist, maybe they’re as good as a college freshmen. Sure, because they’ve had specialized training from a super qualified professional(s). I’ll buy that. But first there has to be TRAINING, and TIME, and by the RIGHT PEOPLE.

You can make your kid character a prodigy – but what is the thing about prodigies? They find a mentor and excel like hell. There aren’t prodigies who just can DO math without someone ever showing them numbers. There aren’t prodigies who can play the piano well without ever even listening or watching someone else play. They do better than normal, but they don’t become great or successful without some direction from others.

Surround your character with talented people – lots of them – and give them years to learn. THEN, yes, you will springboard them ahead of the norm. An 18-year-old soldier fresh from high school, with normal training and teaching, is not going to be at 20 what someone who has had specialized focus from the top minds since 18 will be.

Point in Practice:

Black Butler

Look at Ciel Phantomhive from Black Butler.

The kid is 10 when he starts his goal to become an Earl, with absolutely zero experience – even in tying his own shoes. Not just an Earl, but also an Earl the Queen trusts to handle shit she can’t trust anyone else with. Complicated shit. Shit involving bad guys that are way more experienced, resourceful, and talented than even the Queen’s top guys. Tall order, right?

How does Ciel achieve this position realistically in two years?

He has a 5,000 year old demon with crazy vast knowledge who decided to make him its fucking pet project. It also has magic on its side to make sure its TEACHING abilities are SUPER ON POINT (note that it’s about its TEACHING abilities, not its ‘bibbity, bobbity, boo, I’ve expanded your brain capacity and infused you with all the knowledge you need’ magic. It’s going to TEACH HIM, so it’s made ITSELF the BEST TEACHER in existence). Cool. You’re ALLOWED to USE WORLD BUILDING to your advantage, but use it REALISTICALLY.

Ciel now has an ADVANTAGE over other people in his position. World building has made sure he has 50 super EXPERIENCED and TALENTED and SMART teachers smashed into ONE creature whose purpose in life for the next few years is making sure HE’S PREPARED AND QUALIFIED FOR THE JOB.

BUT GUESS WHAT? It still takes TIME. And DEDICATION. And EFFORT. Not dedication in achieving the goal he wants to complete when he’s done – BUT DEDICATION TO GETTING READY TO EVEN HAVE A SHOT AT IT.

Ciel’s school days become 24/7. In isolation. For two whole years (technically one and a half, but the training doesn’t stop there. It continues more lightly for a total of three years). Super smart demon dude has his UNDIVIDED ATTENTION for YEARS. And he’s mercilessly rigorous on him. Corporal punishment if he doesn’t pick something up well or if he messes up. Gives him MOTIVATION to IMPROVE not only because he has NO OTHER CHOICE because of ISOLATION. Not only because he WANTS to be QUALIFIED to achieve his goal. But also because the demon makes it PAINFUL and DANGEROUS not to improve.  

Part two? FOCUSED TRAINING! Demon dude didn’t teach him how to tie his shoes, or make his own breakfast, or even how to bath himself. That was all fluff and nonsense cut out to make room for the skills and knowledge he needed to be QUALIFIED FOR HIS TARGET POSITION OF POWER. Demon dude handled all that fluff HIMSELF, so Ciel’s brain was vacant enough to be filled with JUST THE SHIT HE NEEDED.

Ciel had no romances. He had no friends. He had no time to sunbath or read for fun or take a day off. The VERY DAY after he made his deal – WHILE HE WAS STILL INJURED, STARVED, AND MALNOURISHED – his INTENSE training began.

Part three: The kid gave up his childhood or even the thought of HAVING or WANTING a childhood so he could do this. He dumped the child mentality entirely. He dumped that perspective on maturity completely. He aimed immediately for adulthood and started acting like an adult. He became an adult MENTALLY, because you can have a child body and an adult mind if YOU WANT IT and if you FORCE IT TO HAPPEN. He accepted teaching on how to be an adult from a creature that was 5,000 years old – and learned to be a ruthless one at that. His determination was on something that would ACTUALLY IMPROVE HIM and make him QUALIFIED FOR THE JOB. ONLY AN ADULT COULD DO THE JOB so he MADE himself AN ADULT.

Why did Ciel make this happen REALISTICALLY in TWO YEARS even though he was TEN YEARS OLD?

Because his training was INTENSE ON ONLY WHAT HE NEEDED. His training was CONSTANT AND ALL-ENCOMPASSING OF HIS LIFE. And he had someone MORE THAN QUALIFIED THAT WAS TEACHING HIM WITH AN EXTREME DEDICATION TO MAKING SURE HE COULD DO THE JOB. Not to mention that he made himself an adult and put an end to any scrap of that child level of himself.

The demon is STILL smarter than him. The demon STILL ties his shoes, helps him make judgment calls, and does all his fighting for him, because:

There’s a reason Sebastian was so qualified to teach Ciel. There’s no way Ciel is going to reach the demon’s level without all of Sebastian’s knowledge and EXPERIENCE earned through TIME.

Sebastian didn’t train him to BE AN ALL POWERFUL, SUPER TALENTED, UNSTOPPABLE DEMON. He trained him to be AN EARL capable of doing WHAT THE QUEEN WANTED and only what THAT JOB needed. If he trained Ciel to become a demon of his caliber, it WOULD NOT have happened in two years (or at all, since world building dictated just that, but also) because it didn’t happen for SEBASTIAN in that time.

If you want your character to be exceptional, then you need exceptional reasons for it. Not that they’re a special snowflake – but that real world EXCEPTIONAL things happened to EQUIP them for that! The EFFORT it took to be exceptional has to MATCH the level of EXCEPTIONAL the CHARACTER IS.  

Let’s say it louder for the people in the back:

The EFFORT it took TO BE EXCEPTIONAL has to MATCH THE LEVEL of EXCEPTIONAL the CHARACTER IS.  

Again!

THE EFFORT IT TOOK TO BE EXCEPTIONAL HAS TO MATCH THE LEVEL OF EXCEPTIONAL THE CHARACTER IS.  

Prodigy means “better off than others.” Not “already accomplished the goal.” You might have a head start, but you still have to run the damn race.

The race to being qualified enough to head a damn revolution!

In Closing: 

There’s a reason revolutions today aren’t led by 16-year-olds. There’s a reason why real child soldiers don’t act anything like children. If you want to have a YA novel with a teen or child heading a revolution, then be aware that TEENS AND CHILDREN DON’T DO THAT. If they do that, they’re not teens or children anymore. They’re adults in young bodies. That transition requires a great deal of effort and changes both their personality and their approach to life.

Furthermore, even after their hurdle, not getting slaughtered in a war means being good at warring. You don’t get good at warring easily, quickly, or without guidance. “Determination” is not an explanation for why someone is capable of something. That explains WHY they took the STEPS to BECOMING capable. The STEPS need to make sense. Make your character take STEPS.

This has been a rant. Hope you enjoyed it, found it useful, found it funny, or, if you didn’t heed my first warning – will keep all your death threats grammatically correct.

Laters!

[arplis]

Arplis - News: 50 of the Best Kindle Unlimited Books You Can Read in 2020

Are you ready for the best Kindle Unlimited Books 2020? Last year I gave you the worlds best advice when offering up 50 of the best Kindle Unlimited books to read in 2019. This year Im going to totally blow your mind by offering up another 50 of the best Kindle Unlimited Books for you to check out in the ding-dong new year.

If you werent privy to last years post and you dont want to waste time reading about books that are so last-decade, you can check this out to find out how Kindle Unlimited works. You can finally get the facts about Prime Reading vs Kindle Unlimited. Hell, Ill even pop in a handy-dandy guide to the difference between Kindle Unlimited and Audible.

If youre still not 100% pumped for Kindle Unlimited then why dont you check out this free 30-day trial and find out for your dang selfand this list of the best Kindle Unlimited books for 2020 will help get you started.

Descriptions have been pulled from Amazon.

Best Kindle Unlimited Books 2020: Romance

Love Unsolicited by Alexandra Warren

Everything in this world is for sale to the people who can afford it Joella Mason knows the difference between what she needs and what she wants. But when the line between the two becomes especially thin, she finds herself on a quest for something missing, not expecting that to come in the package of a sexy stranger with an even sexier proposition. They share a night. Desires are fulfilled. But at what price?

A Taste of Her Own Medicine by Tasha L. Harrison

Sonja Watts needs to re-enter the workforce after divorcing her husband of thirteen years. Taking the advice of her sister Birdie and her best friend Estelle, she signs up for a six-week course for entrepreneurs; hoping that she will learn everything she needs to know to build a business to support herself and her kids. On the first night of class, Sonja is able to ignore the fact that most of the students were younger than her by ten years or more. It was what she expected. But when the instructor walks in, she debates packing up her new twelve hundred dollar laptop and walking out. Sonja couldnt remember the last time she looked at a man with little more interest than she give a sturdy dining room table. She was just disinterested. But wow, did Atlas James grab her interest.

Christmas in the City by Bria Felicien

Zoe is trying to survive the holiday season without succumbing to winter gloom. By chance, she meets DeAndre, who approaches her with an offer she cant refuse.

Falling for a Knight by T Russ

While vacationing in Trinidad, world-renowned photographer Roman Knight unexpectedly acquires a new muse, Cynthia Tremaine. Their chemistry is off the charts and they cant resist giving into a night of passion together. Neither of them expected to see each other again after they parted waysbut fate seemed to have other plans.

With Your Permission by Stephanie Nicole Norris

As the CEO of Building Bridges LLC, Bri is driven by determination for success. However, while planning the wedding of one of Chicagos hottest couples, Bris focus is shifted when the strum of a nocturnal voice captures her attention. Being an empath has empowered her sense of compassion for others, so shes not only drawn to him because of his broken heart but also from a fierce attraction that sparks her interest and tap dances on a groove on her heart. Getting involved with someone whos not open to love may prove to be the most difficult road Bri has ever journeyed, but shes unable to stop herself from falling into an irresistible tango of love.

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Meal Prep for Two: 8 Weekly Plans & 75 Recipes to Get Healthier Together by Casey Seiden

Convenience doesnt have to come with a cost to your wallet, health, or sanity! Now you can prepare delicious, nourishing dishes for two ahead of timeand savor them throughout the week, stress-free. Whether youre prepping food with a partner, family member, or roommate, Meal Prep for Two will help you build simple and balanced meals together.

#ISeafoodDifferently: 11 Of My Most Popular Recipes and The Stories Behind Them by Chef Kendric Smith

This recipe book is the first of many to come. Its my pleasure to share my cooking secrets with you!!

Bread Baking for Beginners: The Essential Guide to Baking Kneaded Breads, No-Knead Breads, and Enriched Breads by Bonnie Ohara

Baking a perfect loaf of bread is part science and part magic. Created from four simple ingredients of flour, yeast, water, and salt, breadmaking is one of the most difficult (and delicious) baking endeavors. Bread Baking for Beginners is a rare bread cookbook for true beginners to keep their bread baking on the rise.

The Baking Bible by Rose Levy Beranbaum

The latest and most comprehensive baking book yet from best-selling author and diva of desserts Rose Levy Beranbaum and winner of the 2015 IACP Cookbook Award for Baking. Legendary baker Rose Levy Beranbaum is back with her most extensive bible yet. With all-new recipes for the best cakes, pies, tarts, cookies, candies, pastries, breads, and more, this magnum opus draws from Roses passion and expertise in every category of baking. As is to be expected from the woman whos been called the most meticulous cook who ever lived, each sumptuous recipe is truly foolproofwith detail-oriented instructions that eliminate guesswork, plan-aheads, ingenious tips, and highlights for success. From simple everyday crowd-pleasers (Coffee Crumb Cake Muffins, Gingersnaps, Gooseberry Crisp) to show-stopping stunners (Chocolate Hazelnut Mousse Tart, Mango Bango Cheesecake, White Christmas Peppermint Cake) to bakery-style pastries developed for the home kitchen (the famous French Kouign Amann), every recipe proves that delicious perfection is within reach for any baker.

Best Kindle Unlimited Books 2020: YA

True to Me by Kay Bratt

Quinn Maguire has a stable life, a fianc, and what she thinks is a clear vision for her future. All of that comes undone by her mothers deathbed confessionthe absentee father Quinn spent thirty years resenting is not her real father at all. With that one revealing whisper, Quinn embarks on a journey to Maui, her mothers childhood home, a storied paradise that holds the truth about her mothers past and all its secrets Quinn is determined to uncover.

Regretting You by Colleen Hoover

Morgan Grant and her sixteen-year-old daughter, Clara, would like nothing more than to be nothing alike. Morgan is determined to prevent her daughter from making the same mistakes she did. By getting pregnant and married way too young, Morgan put her own dreams on hold. Clara doesnt want to follow in her mothers footsteps. Her predictable mother doesnt have a spontaneous bone in her body. With warring personalities and conflicting goals, Morgan and Clara find it increasingly difficult to coexist. The only person who can bring peace to the household is ChrisMorgans husband, Claras father, and the family anchor. But that peace is shattered when Chris is involved in a tragic and questionable accident. The heartbreaking and long-lasting consequences will reach far beyond just Morgan and Clara.

The Will and the Wilds by Charlie N. Holmberg

Enna knows to fear the mystings that roam the wildwood near her home. When one tries to kill her to obtain an enchanted stone, Enna takes a huge risk: fighting back with a mysting of her own. Maekalluss help isnt free. His price? A kiss. One with the power to steal her soul. But their deal leaves Maekallus bound to the mortal realm, which begins eating him alive. Only Ennas kiss, given willingly, can save him from immediate destruction. Its a temporary salvation for Maekallus and a lingering doom for Enna. Part of her soul now burns bright inside Maekallus, making him feel for the first time.

Not My Type of Stranger by Prachi Gupta

Lakshya is living the playboy life and he LOVES it. He doesnt believe in love and has never failed to get a girl in his lifeuntil he meets Ridhima, the new girl next door. He prefers easy hook-ups, and shes definitely not his type. Shes totally uninterested in him and he cant stand it. Hell stop at nothing to win her. But Ridhima has a secret of her own which will make it remarkably more difficult for him to get close to her. What happens when Lakshya gets to know about the secret? Will they end up falling for one another? or Will she be the one to break his heart? A story about a bad boy falling for the good girl and not just any good girl, a hot sexy good girl with a big secret.

Girl at Heart by Kelly Oram

As the daughter of a successful Major League pitcher, Charlie Hastings has baseball in her blood. Unfortunately, being the only girl on her high school baseball team, Charlie has always been just one of the guys. When her best friend, and secret love of her life, asks another girl to the prom, Charlie is devastated. Shes tired of being overlooked by boys because shes not like other girls. Suffering a massive identity crisis, she decides to hang up her cleats and finally learn how to be a girl. But with only two weeks until the state championships, the Roosevelt High Ravens cant afford to lose their star catcher. Team captain Jace King makes her a deal: Dont quit the team, and hell help her become the girl shes so desperate to be. After all, hes got four sisters, one of whom happens to be a cheerleader. He knows a thing or two about girls. (And if he can win her heart in the process, all the better.)

Best Kindle Unlimited Books 2020: Science Fiction/Fantasy

The Handmaids Tale by Margaret Atwood

The Handmaids Tale is a novel of such power that the reader will be unable to forget its images and its forecast. Set in the near future, it describes life in what was once the United States and is now called the Republic of Gilead, a monotheocracy that has reacted to social unrest and a sharply declining birthrate by reverting to, and going beyond, the repressive intolerance of the original Puritans. The regime takes the Book of Genesis absolutely at its word, with bizarre consequences for the women and men in its population.

1984 by George Orwell

In 1984, London is a grim city in the totalitarian state of Oceania where Big Brother is always watching you and the Thought Police can practically read your mind. Winston Smith is a man in grave danger for the simple reason that his memory still functions. Drawn into a forbidden love affair, Winston finds the courage to join a secret revolutionary organization called The Brotherhood, dedicated to the destruction of the Party. Together with his beloved Julia, he hazards his life in a deadly match against the powers that be.

The Tombs of Atuan by Ursula K. Le Guin

When young Tenar is chosen as high priestess to the ancient and nameless Powers of the Earth, everything is taken away home, family, possessions, even her name. For she is now Arha, the Eaten One, guardian of the ominous Tombs of Atuan. While she is learning her way through the dark labyrinth, a young wizard, Ged, comes to steal the Tombs greatest hidden treasure, the Ring of Erreth-Akbe. But Ged also brings with him the light of magic, and together, he and Tenar escape from the darkness that has become her domain.

The Vine Witch by Luanne G. Smith

For centuries, the vineyards at Chteau Renard have depended on the talent of their vine witches, whose spells help create the world-renowned wine of the Chanceaux Valley. Then the skill of divining harvests fell into ruin when sorcire Elena Boureanu was blindsided by a curse. Now, after breaking the spell that confined her to the shallows of a marshland and weakened her magic, Elena is struggling to return to her former life. And the vineyard she was destined to inherit is now in the possession of a handsome stranger.

Wastelands: The New Apocalypse edited by John Joseph Adams featuring Carmen Maria Machado, Ken Liu & many more

In WASTELANDS: THE NEW APOCALYPSE, veteran anthology editor John Joseph Adams is once again our guide through the wastelands using his genre and editorial expertise to curate his finest collection of post-apocalyptic short fiction yet. Whether the end comes via nuclear war, pandemic, climate change, or cosmological disaster, these stories explore the extraordinary trials and tribulations of those who survive. Featuring never-before-published tales by: Veronica Roth, Hugh Howey, Jonathan Maberry, Seanan McGuire, Tananarive Due, Richard Kadrey, Scott Sigler, Elizabeth Bear, Tobias S. Buckell, Meg Elison, Greg van Eekhout, Wendy N. Wagner, Jeremiah Tolbert, and Violet Allenplus, recent reprints by: Carmen Maria Machado, Carrie Vaughn, Ken Liu, Paolo Bacigalupi, Kami Garcia, Charlie Jane Anders, Catherynne M. Valente, Jack Skillingstead, Sofia Samatar, Maureen F. McHugh, Nisi Shawl, Adam-Troy Castro, Dale Bailey, Susan Jane Bigelow, Corinne Duyvis, Shaenon K. Garrity, Nicole Kornher-Stace, Darcie Little Badger, Timothy Mudie, and Emma Osborne.

Best Kindle Unlimited Books 2020: General Fiction/Literary Fiction

Where the Story Starts by Imogen Clark

As single mother Leah struggles to get her children ready one morning, the doorbell rings. Standing on the doorstep of their terraced house in Whitley Bay is a well-dressed stranger, Clio, who feels an emotional tie to the house that she cant explain. The story should end there, but a long-buried secret is already on its way to the surface

The Overdue Life of Amy Byler by Kelly Harms

Overworked and underappreciated, single mom Amy Byler needs a break. So when the guilt-ridden husband who abandoned her shows up and offers to take care of their kids for the summer, she accepts his offer and escapes rural Pennsylvania for New York City. Usually grounded and mild mannered, Amy finally lets her hair down in the city that never sleeps. She discovers a life filled with culture, sophistication, andwith a little encouragement from her friendsa few blind dates. When one man in particular makes quick work of Amys heart, she risks losing herself completely in the unexpected escape, and as the summer comes to an end, Amy realizes too late that she must make an impossible decision: stay in this exciting new chapter of her life, or return to the life she left behind.

The Murmur of Bees by Sofa Segovia

From the day that old Nana Reja found a baby abandoned under a bridge, the life of a small Mexican town forever changed. Disfigured and covered in a blanket of bees, little Simonopio is for some locals the stuff of superstition, a child kissed by the devil. But he is welcomed by landowners Francisco and Beatriz Morales, who adopt him and care for him as if he were their own. As he grows up, Simonopio becomes a cause for wonder to the Morales family, because when the uncannily gifted child closes his eyes, he can see what no one else canvisions of all thats yet to come, both beautiful and dangerous. Followed by his protective swarm of bees and living to deliver his adoptive family from threatsboth human and those of natureSimonopios purpose in Linares will, in time, be divined.

One for the Blackbird, One for the Crow: A Novel by Olivia Hawker

Wyoming, 1876. For as long as they have lived on the frontier, the Bemis and Webber families have relied on each other. With no other settlers for miles, it is a matter of survival. But when Ernest Bemis finds his wife, Cora, in a compromising situation with their neighbor, he doesnt think of survival. In one impulsive moment, a man is dead, Ernest is off to prison, and the women left behind are divided by rage and remorse. Losing her husband to Coras indiscretion is another hardship for stoic Nettie Mae. But as a brutal Wyoming winter bears down, Cora and Nettie Mae have no choice but to come together as one familyto share the duties of working the land and raising their children. Theres Nettie Maes son, Clydeno longer a boy, but not yet a manwho must navigate the road to adulthood without a father to guide him, and Coras daughter, Beulah, who is as wild and untamable as her prairie home.

Halsey Street by Naima Coster

Penelope Grand has scrapped her failed career as an artist in Pittsburgh and moved back to Brooklyn to keep an eye on her ailing father. Shes accepted that her future wont be what shed dreamed, but now, as gentrification has completely reshaped her old neighborhood, even her past is unrecognizable. Old haunts have been razed, and wealthy white strangers have replaced every familiar face in Bed-Stuy. Even her mother, Mirella, has abandoned the family to reclaim her roots in the Dominican Republic. That took courage. Its also unforgivable.

Best Kindle Unlimited Books 2020: Biography and Memoir

If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood by Gregg Olsen

After more than a decade, when sisters Nikki, Sami, and Tori Knotek hear the word mom, it claws like an eagles talons, triggering memories that have been their secret since childhood. Until now. For years, behind the closed doors of their farmhouse in Raymond, Washington, their sadistic mother, Shelly, subjected her girls to unimaginable abuse, degradation, torture, and psychic terrors. Through it all, Nikki, Sami, and Tori developed a defiant bond that made them far less vulnerable than Shelly imagined. Even as others were drawn into their mothers dark and perverse web, the sisters found the strength and courage to escape an escalating nightmare that culminated in multiple murders.

The Boy Between Worlds: A Biography by Annejet van der Zijl

When they fell in love in 1928, Rika and Waldemar could not have been more different. She was a thirty-seven-year-old Dutch-born mother, estranged from her husband. He was her immigrant boarder, not yet twenty, and a wealthy Surinamese descendant of slaves. The child they have together, brown skinned and blue eyed, brings the couple great joy yet raises some eyebrows. Until the Nazi occupation of the Netherlands explodes their promising life. What unfolds is more than the astonishing story of a love that prevailed over convention. Its also the quest of a young boy. Through the cruelty of World War II, he will fight for a connection between his fathers South American birthplace and his mothers European traditions. Lost and displaced for much of his life, but with a legacy of resilience in his blood, he will struggle to find his place in the world.

The Pale-Faced Lie: A True Story by David Crow

Growing up on the Navajo Indian Reservation, David Crow and his three siblings idolized their dad. Tall, strong, smart, and brave, the self-taught Cherokee regaled his family with stories of his World War II feats. But as time passed, David discovered the other side of Thurston Crow, the ex-con with his own code of ethics that justified cruelty, violence, lieseven murder.

Prognosis: A Memoir of My Brain by Sarah Vallance

When Sarah Vallance is thrown from a horse and suffers a jarring blow to the head, she believes shes walked away unscathed. The next morning, things take a sharp turn as shes led from work to the emergency room. By the end of the week, a neurologist delivers a devastating prognosis: Sarah suffered a traumatic brain injury that has caused her IQ to plummet, with no hope of recovery. Her brain has irrevocably changed.

Born Survivors: Three Young Mothers and Their Extraordinary Story of Courage, Defiance, and Hope by Wendy Holden

The Nazis murdered their husbands but concentration camp prisoners Priska, Rachel, and Anka would not let evil take their unborn children tooa remarkable true story that will appeal to readers of The Lost and The Nazi Officers Wife, Born Survivors celebrates three mothers who defied death to give their children life.

Best Kindle Unlimited Books 2020: Business/Money

Girl On Fire: How to Choose Yourself, Burn the Rule Book, and Blaze Your Own Trail in Life and Business by Cara Alwill Leyba

Who would you be if you stopped following *their* rules? What would you create if you create if you had nothing holding you back? Now that women entrepreneurs are banding together in sisterhood and realizing the importance of collaboration over competition, its time to take things to the next level. Its time to rise up, together, and challenge the status quo. Its time to question the way things have been done in the past, to write our own rules, and do life and business OUR way.

Understanding Your Clients through Human Design: The Breakthrough Technology by Robin Winn MFT

Human Design is the next evolution after Myers-Briggs, the Enneagram, and other innovative profiling systems. Whether your field is psychotherapy, recovery, coaching, or healing arts, and whether your clients are individuals, couples, families, or business teams, Understanding Your Clients through Human Design will empower your work and call you to reconsider how you approach people.

The 60 Minute Startup: A Proven System to Start Your Business in 1 Hour a Day and Get Your First Paying Customers in 30 Days (or Less) by Ramesh Dontha

Over 543,000 new businesses are started every month. Most fail. Many never get a paying customer. Why? Because new entrepreneurs are told to start with why, take internet marketing courses, and spend hours doing market research. Do these time-intensive activities attract customers? Make sales? Create profit? No! If youre ready to finally start a profitable business and dump the bad business advice that keeps you confused, overwhelmed, and broke, The 60 Minute Startup is for you. This book gives you a proven system on how to start a business online in just one hour a day and get your first paying customers in one month (or less).

Buy Hold Sell: The Street SmartWay to Real Estate Wealthby Lou Brown

At the turn of the 19th century, billionaire Andrew Carnegie famously said that 90% of millionaires got their wealth by investing in real estate. And guess what? Most millionaires, and even the ultra-rich, would tell you that is still true. Spend a few minutes Googling the phrase should I invest in real estate and it will quickly become clear that real estate investing is a great idea. What isnt so clear, though, is how to get started! Thats what this book will show you. Lou Brown bought his first piece of real estate in 1976 and never stopped. Over the years hes experienced more lessons from the school of hard knocks than he can count and has built a tremendously profitable real estate portfolio. Along the way, Lou discovered that he had a knack for structuring win-win deals, plus creating contracts and paperwork that gave him a competitive edge over other investors. In 1987 he began teaching others his proprietary method of investing, including the unique, proven Buy-Hold-Sell system he created the subject of this book.

A Beginners Guide to the Stock Market: Everything You Need to Start Making Money Today by Matthew R. Kratter

This book will teach you everything that you need to know to start making money in the stock market today. Dont gamble with your hard-earned money. If you are going to make a lot of money, you need to know how the stock market really works. You need to avoid the pitfalls and costly mistakes that beginners make. And you need time-tested trading and investing strategies that actually work. This book gives you everything that you will need. Its a simple road map that anyone can follow.

Best Kindle Unlimited Books 2020: Graphic Novels

Akai Chapter 0 How To Become Strong by Anfernee Robinson

Akai is a young child with high hopes; bound in a society full of undiscovered powers; raised by Grandma in the Jex helps him develop a strong will. He will one day, begin a trial to Heavens Gate. The journey is a troubled one. The Black Orlov chain opens unparalleled events. Will Akai reach his Ultimate goal? Or will Akai bend fate forever?

Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes & Nocturnes 30th Anniversary Edition by Neil Gaiman

New York Times best-selling author Neil Gaimans transcendent series THE SANDMAN is often hailed as the definitive Vertigo title and one of the finest achievements in graphic storytelling. Gaiman created an unforgettable tale of the forces that exist beyond life and death by weaving ancient mythology, folklore and fairy tales with his own distinct narrative vision. In PRELUDES & NOCTURNES, an occultist attempting to capture Death to bargain for eternal life traps her younger brother Dream instead. After his 70 year imprisonment and eventual escape, Dream, also known as Morpheus, goes on a quest for his lost objects of power. On his arduous journey Morpheus encounters Lucifer, John Constantine, and an all-powerful madman.

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury by Bill Watterson

Bill Wattersons Calvin and Hobbes has been a worldwide favorite since its introduction in 1985. The strip follows the richly imaginative adventures of Calvin and his trusty tiger, Hobbes. Whether a poignant look at serious family issues or a round of time-travel (with the aid of a well-labeled cardboard box), Calvin and Hobbes will astound and delight you.

Fire Force Vol. 1 by Atsushi Ohkubo

The city of Tokyo is plagued by a deadly phenomenon: spontaneous human combustion! Luckily, a special team is there to quench the inferno: The Fire Force! The fire soldiers at Special Fire Cathedral 8 are about to get a unique addition. Enter Shinra, a boy who possesses the power to run at the speed of a rocket, leaving behind the famous devils footprints (and destroying his shoes in the process). Can Shinra and his cooleagues discover the source of this strange epidemic before the city burns to ashes?

Anne of Green Gables: A Graphic Novel by Mariah Marsden

The magic of L.M. Montgomerys treasured classic is reimagined in a whimsically-illustrated graphic novel adaptation perfect for newcomers and kindred spirits alike. When Matthew and Marilla Cuthbert decide to adopt an orphan who can help manage their family farm, they have no idea what delightful trouble awaits them. With flame-red hair and an unstoppable imagination, 11-year-old Anne Shirley takes Green Gables by storm. Annes misadventures bring a little romance to the lives of everyone she meets: her bosom friend, Diana Barry; the town gossip, Mrs. Lynde; and that infuriating tease, Gilbert Blythe. From triumphs and thrills to the depths of despair, Anne turns each everyday moment into something extraordinary.

Best Kindle Unlimited Books 2020: Mystery/Thriller/Suspense

When We Believed in Mermaids by Barbara ONeal

Her sister has been dead for fifteen years when she sees her on the TV news Josie Bianci was killed years ago on a train during a terrorist attack. Gone forever. Its what her sister, Kit, an ER doctor in Santa Cruz, has always believed. Yet all it takes is a few heart-wrenching seconds to upend Kits world. Live coverage of a club fire in Auckland has captured the image of a woman stumbling through the smoke and debris. Her resemblance to Josie is unbelievable. And unmistakable. With it comes a flood of emotionsgrief, loss, and angerthat Kit finally has a chance to put to rest: by finding the sister whos been living a lie.

Uptown Thief by Aya de Len

Marisol Rivera barely survived being abused with nowhere to turn. So theres nothing she wont do to keep her Lower East Side womens health clinic open and give disadvantaged women new lives. Running an exclusive escort service for New York Citys rich and powerful 1 percent is the perfect way to bankroll her businessnot to mention the perfect cover for robbing corrupt CEOs. And when times get even tougher, pulling a heist on a mega-billionaire will secure the clinics futureand her gorgeous crewsfor good. . . Theres just one problem: Marisol didnt anticipate bad news even more dangerous than her curves.

Unspeakable Things by Jess Lourey

Cassie McDowells life in 1980s Minnesota seems perfectly wholesome. She lives on a farm, loves school, and has a crush on the nicest boy in class. Yes, there are her parents strange parties and their parade of deviant guests, but shes grown accustomed to them. All that changes when someone comes hunting in Lilydale. One by one, local boys go missing. One by one, they return changedviolent, moody, and withdrawn.

We Were Mothers: A Novel by Katie Sise

A scandalous revelation is about to devastate a picturesque town where the houses are immaculate and the neighborhoods are tightly knit. Devoted mother Cora OConnell has found the journal of her friend Laurels daughtera beautiful college student who lives next doorrevealing an illicit encounter. Hours later, Laurel makes a shattering discovery of her own: her daughter has vanished without a trace. Over the course of one weekend, the crises of two close families are about to trigger a chain reaction that will expose a far more disturbing web of secrets. Now everything is at stake as theyre forced to confront the lies they have told in order to survive.

In the Dark by Loreth Anne White

The promise of a luxury vacation at a secluded wilderness spa has brought together eight lucky guests. But nothing is what they were led to believe. As a fierce storm barrels down and all contact with the outside is cut off, the guests fear that its not a getaway. Its a trap. Each one has a secret. Each one has something to hide. And now, as darkness closes in, they all have something to fearincluding one another.

Best Kindle Unlimited Books 2020: Politics/Social Science

The Gene: An Intimate History by Siddhartha Mukherjee

Dr. Siddhartha Mukherjee dazzled readers with his Pulitzer Prize-winning The Emperor of All Maladies in 2010. That achievement was evidently just a warm-up for his virtuoso performance in The Gene: An Intimate History, in which he braids science, history, and memoir into an epic with all the range and biblical thunder of Paradise Lost (The New York Times). In this biography Mukherjee brings to life the quest to understand human heredity and its surprising influence on our lives, personalities, identities, fates, and choices.

A River in Darkness: One Mans Escape from North Korea by Masaji Ishikawa

Half-Korean, half-Japanese, Masaji Ishikawa has spent his whole life feeling like a man without a country. This feeling only deepened when his family moved from Japan to North Korea when Ishikawa was just thirteen years old, and unwittingly became members of the lowest social caste. His father, himself a Korean national, was lured to the new Communist country by promises of abundant work, education for his children, and a higher station in society. But the reality of their new life was far from utopian. In this memoir translated from the original Japanese, Ishikawa candidly recounts his tumultuous upbringing and the brutal thirty-six years he spent living under a crushing totalitarian regime, as well as the challenges he faced repatriating to Japan after barely escaping North Korea with his life. A River in Darkness is not only a shocking portrait of life inside the country but a testament to the dignityand indomitable natureof the human spirit.

The Mueller Report by The Washington Post

Read the findings of the Special Counsels investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 election, complete with accompanying analysis by the Post reporters whove covered the story from the beginning.

War on Peace: The End of Diplomacy and the Decline of American Influence by Ronan Farrow

US foreign policy is undergoing a dire transformation, forever changing Americas place in the world. Institutions of diplomacy and development are bleeding out after deep budget cuts; the diplomats who make Americas deals and protect its citizens around the world are walking out in droves. Offices across the State Department sit empty, while abroad the military-industrial complex has assumed the work once undertaken by peacemakers. Were becoming a nation that shoots first and asks questions later. In an astonishing journey from the corridors of power in Washington, DC, to some of the most remote and dangerous places on earthAfghanistan, Somalia, and North Korea among themacclaimed investigative journalist Ronan Farrow illuminates one of the most consequential and poorly understood changes in American history. His firsthand experience as a former State Department official affords a personal look at some of the last standard bearers of traditional statecraft, including Richard Holbrooke, who made peace in Bosnia and died while trying to do so in Afghanistan.

Mossad: The Greatest Missions of the Israeli Secret Service by Michael Bar-Zohar

For decades, Israels renowned security arm, the Mossad, has been widely recognized as the best intelligence service in the world. In Mossad, authors Michael Bar-Zohar and Nissim Mishal take us behind the closed curtain with riveting, eye-opening, boots-on-the-ground accounts of the most dangerous, most crucial missions in the agencys 60-year history. These are real Mission: Impossible true stories brimming with high-octane actionfrom the breathtaking capture of Nazi executioner Adolph Eichmann to the recent elimination of key Iranian nuclear scientists. Anyone who is fascinated by the world of international espionage, intelligence, and covert Black-Ops warfare will find Mossad electrifying reading.

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