#heist is really one of them isn't it.

[power-chords]

OK wait wait wait. I have to ask. In your opinion, what is a movie I absolutely MUST see. That you think I will like. Note that if it appears here or in my diary I have already seen it.

[libraryleopard]

i feel like the costumer designer for how to blow up a pipeline deserves some kudos because (spoiler below)

i DI spend the whole movie assuming that rowan and logan were just a pair of poser punks because the guy in particular had such a strong "rich kid slumming it for the kicks" vibe that i was legitimately blinded by the secondary twist that they were actually committed to the mission

[prokopetz]

The thing about the idea that "rules don't matter" in tabletop RPGs is that, while it's obviously wrong, there's only one relatively narrow sense in which it's actually a problem.

There are basically three major strands of "rules don't matter":

Groups for whom the rules don't matter because they aren't playing a game as we'd conventionally think of it – they're having a freeform RP jam, and occasionally letting a coin-flip decide what happens next for spice. The particulars of rules-based procedures aren't relevant to these groups because they're not following any particular procedures. This is perfectly fine; sure, some players who favour this approach like to go online and write bloviating thinkpieces about how all tabletop roleplayers secretly want to be doing freeform RP, and anyone who claims otherwise is simply too stupid or brainwashed to understand that they're not truly having fun, but that's not doing any harm – it's merely annoying.

Groups who have a narrow idea of what it's possible to do with tabletop RPGs. They'll look at the fact that it's possible to run – for example – a sword and sorcery dungeon crawl and a cyberpunk heist caper using the exact same set of rules, and conclude from this that it must not really matter what rules you use; of course, the real reason this works is because in terms of their formal and narrative structures, a sword and sorcery dungeon crawl and a cyberpunk heist caper are nearly identical. Again, this isn't hurting anyone – if they want to run endless reskinned dungeon crawls in a variety of milieux, that's their business, and the worst that can be said for it is that some people are a little annoying about it.

Groups who do want to play a game with a formal structure, and who recognise that rules have opinions about how the game ought to be played, but think it doesn't matter because if there's ever a disagreement between the game the rules want to produce and the game the group wants to play, the GM can fix it on the fly. This is always going to happen to some extent, because the rules and the group will never perfectly agree about how the game ought to be played, but positioning the ability to repair that disagreement regardless of its magnitude as a basic expectation of any GM is one of the reasons we have so many folks who GM for a year or two, the burn out and never touch a tabletop RPG again.

Basically, "rules don't matter because we don't use them" and "rules don't matter because tabletop RPGs are only one thing" are largely harmless, but "rules don't matter because something something Rule Zero" is demonstrably harmful, and we need to cut that shit out.

[imyourbratzdoll]

Saw your angst post. So hears my idea and you can decline if you want to.

Bucky and reader been getting into a major arguments about how he’s been gone/ going on to many missions and reader ends up thinking he’s cheating on them. Anyways one day he comes home from one really bad mission and they fight and reader confesses and Bucky being angry in the moment says something that heist the reader’s feelings.

You can decide if you want it to stay an angst ending or have fluff one :)

hello, sorry this took so long. I hope you enjoy it, gonna be honest, it made me tear up haha.

summary - bucky shouldn't have gone on that mission.

warning - swearing, angst and maybe some heartbreak.

the gif I use isn't mine, divider by @newlips

Y/n frowns, her eyes cast down as she stares at an old photo, focusing on the person smiling back at her, wondering where it all went wrong. One day she and Bucky were happy and in love, and now.

There’s been a cloud above their heads, and smiles turned to frowns, loving words turned nasty and hurtful. Y/n wonders if Bucky really is out on missions, wonders if he’s found someone better instead.

A sniffle fills the room, and she thinks it may be time to confront him. Y/n hears the door open, making her quickly stand up and run her hands down her face as she wipes her tears away. She straightens out her clothing, trying to make herself presentable, gently placing the photo back down before walking out of the room.

The moment she exits the room, her eyes connect with his tired blue ones before slowly taking in the dark bruises covering his gorgeous face and noticing the slight limp he has when he steps forward to place his things down. Bucky grunts, eyes moving away from Y/n’s as he heads toward the kitchen to grab a drink. Y/n nibbles on her bottom lip before making her way to the kitchen, her mouth opening and closing as she tries to find her words.

Bucky slams his fist down on the counter before swiftly turning and glaring at Y/n, “What? What could you possibly want right now?!” He runs a hand down his frustrated face, feeling the anger from his mission bleed into his relationship. 

“I–I” Y/n’s brows furrow, trying to find the words she’s looking for. She begins to fumble with her fingers as his glare cuts through her. 

“You what?! Can’t you see that I’m not in the mood for your bullshit right now?! I don’t see you going out and saving people!” Bucky takes a deep breath in, feeling his anger roll through him like waves, his fists clench by his side. “Why can’t you just leave me alone?! Be more like….” He pauses before turning back to his drink.

“Be more like?! Who? Who the fuck should I be more like?!… So it’s true.” Y/n shakes her head, turning and storming off to the bedroom. Stopping short as a hand wraps around her wrist, pulling her back.

“What’s true?!” Bucky’s brows furrow more, lips curling into a snarl as he glares down at the love of his life, not understanding the heartbreak she’s going through and probably never will.

“That most of your missions aren’t missions! That really you are off with someone far better, and you just proved it!” Tears begin to well up in Y/n’s eyes as she tries to pull herself free from Bucky, wanting to get far away and not hear him confess. 

Bucky tightens his grip, pulling her tightly against him. “Are you fucking serious right now?! So while I’m off risking my fucking life and you do fuck all with yours, you think I’m fucking someone else?!” Bucky’s anger builds faster, not noticing the look on Y/n’s face as he breaks into a laugh. “You know what, so what if I was! I come home, and we fight. You don’t show me any fucking attention anymore.” He leans down, face lining up with Y/n’s as he stares deep into her eyes with a sneer. “So what if I was fucking someone better.”

A gasp falls from Y/n’s lips, tears freely falling now as she manages to pull free from the man she thought she once knew. “Y–you don’t mean that….” She begins to shake her head, not wanting to believe it to be true, wishing that this was all a horrible dream and that she’ll wake at any minute with a sweeter, softer Bucky comforting her. Not this monster that stands in front of her.

Bucky chuckles, turning his back on her as he gulps the rest of his beer. He shrugs, ignoring the pounding in his head as his other side, the loving side of Bucky, pounds against his mind, begging him to shut up, begging him to grab hold of her and not let her go, screaming that he only loves Y/n and he hasn’t even looked at another woman. The Bucky on the outside winces at the voices and pounding in his head whilst walking over to the couch and sitting down. He watches as Y/n leaves. Her bags are packed as she looks sadly at his emotionless face. He grunts again as the man inside him screams, heartbroken and begging to stop her. 

Maybe Bucky shouldn’t have gone on that mission.

thank you for reading!

feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

part 2

[jjkamochoso]

Hii! Could I request a Feitan x Female Reader who's part of the Phantom Troupe, and a something on a mission goes wrong and the Reader ends up getting injured. She's fine and used to it, being part of the Phantom Troupe, but Feitan just isn't having it and scolds her to be more careful in the future. That is, after he does the unthinkable to the source of your inconvenience!

Thank you so much for your request!!! I love writing Feitan and I hope you love what I came up with in this story :) <3

Phantom Pain

Fluff

Feitan Portor x f!reader

Warnings: graphic violence: blood, torture, death

The mission started off so ridiculously easy that you were almost yawning, the heist going exactly as planned. Feitan and Shalnark were busy shoving money and jewels into big duffel bags while you and Phinks were on watch outside the vault. The estate you were raiding was quiet, not uncommonly so since you waited to break in when the owner was out of town with most of the bodyguards, but just enough to where you wondered if the security team was really that dumb to leave a vault full of valuables so readily accessible. With arms crossed and annoyance written all over your features, you hoped the treasure the boys were bagging was worth it.

"Ugh, I'm beyond bored," you groaned, trying to ignore the persistent feeling of wanting to yank your hair out in frustration. "Are they almost done in there?"

"No clue. By the sounds of it, I'd say they're close to finishing." Phinks leaned his head back against the wall, looking like he could fall asleep at any moment.

"Good. I'm all for simple jobs and quick money but this one is almost too simple. I can't believe no one's shown up yet. Some security system they have."

Phinks opened one eye. "Look, I'm always in the mood for a fight but can't you just enjoy this? Besides, I'd rather fight no one at all than a bunch of weaklings."

"Mmm, I'm 50/50 on that one. Maybe if I had a weakling or two to fight right now I'd have more of an opinion."

All of a sudden, there was a loud pounding noise coming from the doors in front of you.

"Open up! This is security, we've come to detain you!"

You saw the doors rattle as the people on the other side began to break them down. Sure, they were locked, but you hadn't bothered to barricade them with anything since you figured it wasn't necessary. The estate's leftover guards came rushing in, brandishing guns.

If looks could kill, you'd be dead ten times over.

"Now you've done it, y/n," Phinks said, rolling his eyes, "the place is swarmed. This enough action for ya?"

"Hmm... no. But it'll do." You had a mischievous twinkle in your eye. "Wanna have a contest to see who gets the higher kill count?"

When Feitan heard your voice from outside the vault, he couldn't help the grin that appeared under his cowl. You were reckless, dangerous, bloodthirsty--all qualities he liked in a person.

"We finish this quick. I don't want to miss the show outside."

"You just want to watch y/n in action, don't you?" teased Shalnark.

"Shut up," Feitan growled, grateful for the face covering that was hiding his blush. When the last of the bags were filled, the two men exited the vault, eager to join the fight waged between the estate security team and their fellow Phantom Troupe members. However, Feitan's attention was caught by a short yelp from across the room. It was completely imperceptible to everyone else over the constant sound of gunfire, but he heard it loud and clear. His narrow eyes darted your direction where he spied you gritting your teeth as you continued throwing punches. Were you in pain? No, there was no way you could've gotten hurt here. These guys were anything but formidable foe, almost all already dead from the seasoned Nen users.

You were bleeding.

As he took men down left and right, his razor sharp fingernails cutting into flesh with ease, he saw your injured arm dripping blood onto the floor. How did you let that happen? How did he let that happen? It didn't matter at this point; he just knew he was pissed and someone was going to pay for leaving a mark on his most prized possession.

The gunfire had seized and all was quiet except for the pleading whimpers of the security team members that were unlucky enough to still be alive. You were about to make a snarky remark when you saw Feitan practically fly to your side, his cold gaze looking between your injury and the three men cowering in front of you.

"Which one hurt you?"

You were used to seeing Feitan angry but never in your life had you seen such rage and hatred present in his eyes. He always had a menacing air about him but that description would be an understatement as to what you were witnessing right now. Even Phinks looked concerned about the state his close friend was in and he had seen him do countless unthinkable things to others over the years.

"P-please, i-it wasn't me! I didn't-"

In a flash Feitan had the sputtering man's tongue in his iron grip, ready to rip it out. "Trash like you no speak around her."

You almost felt bad for these guys. You knew Feitan was protective of his friends, you and him being particularly close, and anyone who hurt those people he cared for found themselves at the mercy of the most merciless man.

You pointed your finger at a guy to his right. "It was that dude."

Blood soaked the floor as two of the men's lifeless bodies fell. The third one, the cause of your pain, was on the verge of passing out from fear. For his own sake, you wished he had because what Feitan was about to put him through before death was NOT going to be pleasant. For him, at least. Feitan was going to have a wonderful time torturing the man.

"You?" Feitan leaned down, grabbing the man's chin as his fingers became soaked with the stranger's tears. His voice became eerily cheery as he addressed his next victim. "Don't cry, we have fun together. I show you what it's really like to inflict pain."

Feitan pulled down his cowl to reveal a sadistic smile and you felt chills throughout your entire body. You always thought Feitan to be handsome but seeing him in this state of bloodlust, for you no less, made your heart go into overdrive.

"Wow, this guy's in for a world of hurt! Feitan, you don't mind if we watch, right?" Shalnark called out, a big smile plastered on his face.

"Don't care," Feitan replied. "Y/n, pick a side. Left or right?"

"Hmm, left."

There was a sickening crunch followed by a loud screech of distress. Feitan had broken the man's left leg, rendering him immobile. The expert torturer then went to work: first came the extraction of fingernails; starting with the left hand, of course. Unlike most of his other torture sessions, he wasn't wasting any time causing this man pain. He was in a frenzied state, eager to make what was left of the man's life as horrible as possible. You watched as Feitan continued his precise work, screams filling your ears as a strong metallic smell seeped into your nostrils. By the time the man's heart stopped, his body was a mangled mess. You had a pretty strong stomach but the sight of various bodily fluids leaking across the floor made you queasy.

"You die so quick. Shame."

In a final fit of rage, Feitan unsheathed his sword and turned to you.

"Stupid girl. If you not pay attention, this happen to you."

There was a squelching noise as Feitan rolled the man's now decapitated head toward you like a bowling ball. Phinks and Shalnark ran into the vault to grab the stolen goods to load in the getaway car, ready to head back to base (and not wanting to deal with anymore unresolved romantic tension between the two of you).

"Everyone else had guns! I wasn't expecting the guy to have a knife," you pouted, pressing a hand to the cut to stop the bleeding.

"Tch, don't press dirty hand in open wound. You get infection."

Feitan gave his cowl a swift yank over his head and your eyes widened in surprise as he went to tie it around your arm.

"Are you sure I can use this? I know you wear it most of the time and I don't want to get it dirty," you said.

He just scoffed. "I wouldn't give if I didn't want to."

You jumped involuntary when you felt Feitan's nimble fingers work the cloth around your bleeding limb.

"Did that hurt?" he inquired, grey irises studying you intently.

"No, I'm fine," you squeaked, clearly embarrassed at your reaction but if he noticed your strange behavior, he didn't mention it. The pressure of the makeshift bandage reduced your physical discomfort a decent amount, which you were grateful for, but it did nothing to ease the mental discomfort you were feeling from Feitan's unyielding gaze.

You folded your arms. "What?"

"You need be careful in the future. You do stupid things, you die. You not take fight seriously, you get hurt or die. Even if opponent weak, you need pay attention some!"

Feitan's voice was louder than you had ever heard it before and his words were choppier than normal as he was effectively chewing you out for your foolishness. Getting hurt was mostly inevitable in any sort of mission, but your cockiness was your downfall today, not your lack of skill.

"You're right," you sighed. "I'm sorry for worrying you."

"I not worried," he replied, his tone disgruntled. His body betrayed him, though, as you saw the beginnings of a blush bloom across his pale cheeks. With the cowl on your arm instead of his face, you were able to see the effect you had on the short man you'd come to love.

"You sure about that?" you teased, making Feitan give you the nastiest side eye he could conjure up. You laughed, happy to see he cared about you just as much as you did about him. Grabbing a bag of treasure, you started loading the getaway car as well.

"You good? You're redder than a tomato," Phinks said upon entering the room. "We leave alone you with y/n for a few minutes and she's got you all flustered like that? Looks like you're the girl with a crush in this situation."

"You keep talking, you join men on floor."

[feroluce]

For some weird reason, I've always been fascinated by how wildly different Sampo operates in the Underground vs the Overworld.

Sampo is present in both places and even in official sources, he's not really counted as one side or the other- now that the theory has been confirmed in-game, he's generally just lumped in with the Masked Fools.

But there really is a big difference!

Probably the most obvious and well known instance of Sampo's...business practices *cough burglary and fraud COUGH* in the Overworld is from the Belobog Museum event. In it, you don't find out Sampo is the main culprit until near the end, because Pela has to set up a sting just to catch him in the act. And that sting is necessary all because the initial suspect they arrested, Norbert, had pretty much no idea of his partner's identity. Sampo wouldn't even speak to him face-to-face.

And whereas Sampo is normally very pleasant and friendly with the trailblazer...when he thinks he's talking to Norbert here, he straight up says that they are NOT friends. Like he really shuts that shit DOWN.

There's also an Overworld NPC, Chavez, who heads the "Dark Blue Scam Support Group." And he. Really really really does not like Sampo fjkdasjklfdj

Chavez clearly wants Sampo caught, and has literally no positive feelings about him. So. Why call it the Dark Blue Scam? Why not just out him by name? Chavez obviously doesn't give a single shit about Sampo's dignity or privacy. But he never once refers to him as "Sampo," and even the pamphlets he passes out make no mention of it. No one in the entire support group seems to know how to identify him or how to refer to him except by his hair color. If the trailblazer says his name, Chavez reacts as though he's never heard it before.

(I've seen people say this means Sampo Koski is an alias and not his real name? But Ray pointed this out, and honestly I agree; even the Fools call him Sampo, after all. I think it's just that Chavez never knew Sampo's name in the first place, and given his immense distrust, immediately assumes it's an alias.)

And then there's his characters stories, where he proceeds to pull off a heist in the Overworld while in disguise as Brughel Poisson the entire time. Literally his own stories don't mention Sampo's name even once.

So anyway, all this shows that when he's up in the Overworld working cons, Sampo is incredibly slippery and secretive about his identity. The only people who seem to know him are Pela, Serval, and Gepard. He doesn't get close to anyone else, and is even surprisingly unfriendly. Nobody knows his name. No one knows his face. He has zero qualms about backstabbing or double-crossing, and even plans for it in some cases.

Meanwhile, down in the Underground, I'm pretty sure literally the worst thing we hear of him doing is scalping tickets in front of the Fight Club. Which isn't even illegal in a lot of places (although it's certainly a dick move).

In Hook's companion quest, a vagrant miner steals Fersman's equipment and tries to sell it to Sampo. Even before the trailblazer and Hook jump in and out the vagrant as a thief, Sampo hesitates to buy it because it sounds like stolen goods, which he doesn't want any part of.

Even knowing that a geomarrow detector is rare and incredibly valuable in the mines, Sampo makes no attempt to double-cross Hook or profit off of her loss, and even tells her who to go to to get it fixed.

And my favorite example of Sampo in the Underground is the Survival Wisdom adventure mission. In it, Sampo starts up a business with Peak, another miner. And like. In wild contrast to all the cons he pulls above ground, Sampo is actually super nice and helpful here.

Just the same as with Hook's quest, Sampo talks to Peak face-to-face, with no disguises or barriers. When the trailblazer finds them, they're just in the Great Mine, no secretive meeting places. Peak knows Sampo, is familiar with him, and calls him by name. It's not even a con! There's nothing illegal going on; it really is just a business partnership. Peak is more than happy with their deal, he's even pretty enthusiastic about it, because thanks to Sampo he can now make enough money to get by while also accommodating his chronic fatigue.

The only person Sampo lies to in this whole ordeal is the trailblazer, who he manipulates into getting Peak's mining equipment back from the vagrants that stole it in the first place. And when it's done, he rewards them with a legit treasure map.

So when he's working in the Underground, Sampo is MUCH more upright and lawful. Part of this is probably to do with his "business" model- Sampo only takes advantage of the wealthy, and poverty runs rampant in the Underground. When he charges Peak an extra 30% (the same percentage he charges Norbert as a consultation fee in the museum heists- Sampo seems to go by percentage instead of a flat rate, which means his prices are more fair for lower incomes) for carelessly losing their supply, Peak literally starts counting out pocket change.

Dude's working for pennies and good will down there dknsmdmd

And you can twist this into a Robin Hood thing if you want- Sampo IS technically working to feed orphans and heal the sick. He says himself he's more than happy to make up the shortfall between the greedy and the marginalized- I mean he says it in the shadiest way possible, but I doubt the people benefiting from his work really care that he's a slimeball if it means they can survive another day. Even the two heists he pulls in his character stories are literally just him stealing absurd amounts of food.

Personally though I think it is solely because of Natasha, and Sampo is hilariously well-behaved specifically for her, because she keeps him on a short leash JSKZJMSMSKS

[shadybiotics]

MAUGA & VENTURE × READER headcanons

[PT2 HERE] Because a little rivalry is always fun~

Whenever Mauga sees you and Venture having a good time, talking and laughing with eachother, he will always make sure to intervene. Having fun without Mauga? Not on his watch.

He will walk up and strike a conversation with you, deliberately taking your attention off of Venture, acting like they weren't even there to begin with.

Before he has even said anything he will have successfully ruined the vibe, for Venture, that is.

Mauga will throw in some casual flatter and flirts towards you, saying how good you look today, asking if you could go help him with something since you're 'so good at what you do'. His words nauseatingly sweet like artificial honey.

Venture staring daggers in his direction all the while.

As he keeps chatting he will slowly slide himself further and further between you two, blocking out Venture with his much larger stature almost entirely and cutting them out of the conversation.

When he has managed to make you blush or laugh he will look in Ventures direction with a smug look, only irritating them further. He knows Venture 'doesnt have the guts' to be as direct and bold in their approach to you as he is.

Unlike Mauga, Venture wears their emotions on their sleeve and will look clearly annoyed and repulsed by his presence but you won't notice right away, still occupied by Maugas flattery.

"As i was saying-" Venture would start loudly after clearing their throat to bring your attention back to them and whatever topic you two were talking about earlier.

Seeing as that won't work because of a mountain of a man standing in their way, Venture will shove past Mauga and pull you by the arm and away from him. "Lets uh, check this thing out over there!" they would point in whatever direction, not really having thought through where they were going to take you. They would then turn their head and stick their tounge out at the larger man.

Mauga would only smirk as he watched you be dragged off, accepting the challenge.

You knew the two had some history together but you didnt really know any of the details, they never talked about it and you never asked. Still, their bickering was entertaining to you, and you didnt mind the double attention at all.

You decided to play along with it, switching sides now and then for your own amusement.

Venture wasn't much of a show off but when you asked they would let you feel their muscles, mainly after their workouts, blushing and smiling proudly as you would compliment and feel their physique. Mauga was obviously not going to have this. He knows he's got the biggest guns around.

"Impressed by that small fry? Get a look at these then!" he would start to flex and pose for you. He did have quite an attractive and impressive form, but you weren't going to let him have this moment, not this time. "Bigger isn't always better" you would say in a smug tone, turning back to Venture.

After hearing your comeback, Venture would have the widest shit eating grin plastered all over their face. They would be beaming with confidence for the rest of the day, thanks to you.

Mauga wouldn't take this personally though. He is familiar with your games as well. If anything, he liked how you played hard too get.

Venture didnt like the competition. They were well aware they didn't have the same physique and boldness to compare, but they were determined to win your heart in other ways.

Whenever Venture got back from an expedition, they would bring you something. They would excitedly hold out your hand and place little pebbles or crystals in it while explaining their properties or how this one is 'so pretty' and 'reminded them of you'.

You were obviously charmed.

Side-eyeing from a distance, Mauga would make a mental note to bring you something from his future heists. Something nice, like an expensive watch or bracelet, jewelry or even clothes if he could find any. Something proper and not some rocks.

[suzukiblu]

Day nine of fic NaNoWriMo; obligatory sugar daddy Tim/sugar baby Kon.

Tim's nucleus of an idea requires some careful math, some even more careful bank fraud, and a lot of planning. Less planning than the supervillain timeline, at least, but still a lot of planning. He has to time it very carefully to make Kon won't have forgotten about the museum heist and the idiot civilian he saved from it, but so there won't be anything suspicious about said idiot civilian having managed to track him down. Admittedly, Kon isn't very hard to track down, but normal high schoolers aren't very good at tracking people down.

Well, not unless they're stalking a celebrity they have a crush on or doxxing a YouTuber who's mildly annoyed them or something.

. . . okay, Tim's probably being too paranoid here. If Kon asks how he found him, all he has to say is he follows him on Twitter or something.

He does actually follow Kon with one of his undercover IDs, because Caroline Hill needed a few social media accounts to round out her existence and giving her ones that she just focused on following celebrities with saved him from having to rig up a bunch of bots and other accounts to be her "friends". It's way easier to just keep up lurker accounts for her and occasionally like a few interesting photos and generally inoffensive comments about current events.

He didn't even deliberately go find Kon's account; Twitter recommended it to him after he followed the Titans and he decided if Bruce asked he could just sell it as a way to keep tabs on a new ally and teammate in a way they wouldn't notice. Caroline Hill also follows Arrowette's official account, even though Tim knows Cissie's mom is the one who actually runs it, plus the Titans' and a couple of other more public-facing heroes'.

So as long as Bruce doesn't notice just how many thirst-trap selfies Kon has posted in wet swimsuits or post-fight ripped-up costumes or with that stupid flirty smirk on, Tim might actually be able to get away with that excuse.

Heteronormativity might protect him, if nothing else.

Maybe.

Look, there's a reason it's Caroline and not Alvin following Kon's account.

Tim works on his idea and his plan and the bank fraud that'll let him crack into his trust fund early without his dad noticing, because while his allowance is frankly appalling and he has a lot more in savings than anyone under the age of twenty probably should, it's not actually enough to fund an entire new life for his stupid sexy teammate, and unfortunately Robin-duties kind of put a crimp in the idea of getting an after-school job, so bank fraud it is.

Just a little touch of supervillain practice, he figures.

Tim works out some reasonable timing and a few different possible approaches to take with Kon, and he tries to stay logical and patient about the whole process even though literally every day this takes is another day that Kon is stuck in a shitty lab that tried to mind-control him and is still actively taking advantage of him, under new management or not. Even Superman doesn't trust Cadmus–understandably–but apparently having an inside man in with them is more important to him than protecting Kon from them? Somehow?

Which is much, much less understandable, to Tim. It's not like Kon volunteered for that. Superman only came to him about it after he took the job for lack of other options. And also he asked him to do it while offering him a real name tied to his family, and while Kon doesn't even know his real name exists.

So yeah, Tim really needs to get a personal kryptonite supply going. Just so much of a personal kryptonite supply. A full rainbow of one, just in case. Like, carefully lead-sealed and code-labeled so Kon will know to avoid it just in case he stumbles across it, but still.

Fuck, Superman better be being mind-controlled right now or something. Or impersonated. Or just somehow compromised.

If he's not, there is not enough Kryptonite in the world for Tim's needs.

So Tim works out his plan, and then he goes back to Metropolis. Specifically, he goes back to Metropolis after Kon updates his Twitter with a selfie that has the Metropolis skyline in the background and a caption about a local café he's about to hit up, which hopefully will give Tim an hour or so to get there before Kon swans off to some random beach or goes back underground with Cadmus or whatever, and also hopefully won't be swarmed with fans or supervillains when he does.

Actually walking up to Cadmus's front door and asking Superboy to come out and play is not in any way in the plan, though if it takes long enough to "find" Kon somewhere plausibly deniably findable for a high school student to manage, Tim's open to the possibility. Fuck knows he's done stupider and weirder and still made it work.

Tim gets to Metropolis in forty-five minutes because of judicious abuse of the Batplane and Bruce being busy on the Watchtower for the day. He'll be telling him he went to see Superboy, since obviously Bruce isn't going to miss the missing jet fuel and Alfred has no reason to keep his mouth shut about it either, but be lying about why he went to see him. As far as Bruce knows, this is business.

Technically, Tim could spin this as business if he had to.

He gets to the café and there aren't any supervillains but there is a small handful of preteen girls on the sidewalk outside giggling over their collection of newly-gained autographs, which means the local supervillains are either behind the times and not properly tuned into social media or just don't have beef with specifically Superboy. Which . . . quite possibly they don't, Tim is realizing. The locals would know how little investment Superman has in Kon, after all, and Kon spends more time either underground with Cadmus or running around with Young Justice than he does actually in the city proper, so it's not like he's had time to collect many personal grudges. Those are probably all back in Hawaii. In Metropolis, he's mostly just been reported as covering petty crimes that'd slipped through the cracks while Superman was busy handling Brainiac or Parasite or having another cold war with Lex Luthor.

It's Kon, of course, so eventually he'll piss off Toyman or accidentally trip over Mxyzptlk or something, but right now, Metropolis mostly just remembers him as that slightly too eager kid who stopped a bomb from killing them all that one time and helped Superman stop Engine City from happening to them. Kind of like Superman has a very enthusiastic but well-intentioned super-powered fanboy kicking around downtown, as opposed to an actual sidekick or any kind of partner that he regularly works with and supports. Steel gets a lot more Metropolis street cred and appreciation, for obvious reasons, but Kon just hasn't been around the city that often since his initial debut. He's a little bit like a tertiary mascot character.

Tim thinks Metropolis is full of idiots, but their standards for vigilantism were set by a man who can bench-press a planet, so he supposes it makes sense that they see a teen idol telekinetic as a charming little side character and not really anyone too impressive in his own right.

No wonder Kon ran off to Hawaii the first chance he got after Superman came back to life, though.

Though in retrospect, why did Superman let him?

Tim walks into the café in civilian clothes and immediately spots Kon at a table in the back and gets a very sharply assessing eye from the woman behind the counter. He doesn't patronize her by pretending to be here to order anything and just heads straight for Kon.

She watches him, and so do a couple of assorted patrons that might be regulars. Tim wonders if Kon's a regular himself, or if Metropolis is just more protective of its Supers than he'd previously realized. Kon isn't here often enough for him to have really looked too closely into it.

Kon doesn't look up from his phone or his mostly-empty plate and mug; it looks like he's playing a cell phone game or something similar. Tim debates the best way to introduce himself, since he doubts Kon will immediately recognize him, but before he can–

"This better be worth ditching out on the refill I just ordered," Kon says distractedly without even glancing up.

"Sorry?" Tim says, a little bemused, and then Kon does look up and startles a little, looking surprised.

"Shit, sorry, thought you were somebody else," he says. "Blame the coat."

"You weren't looking at my coat," Tim says, looking down at it himself in vague mystification anyway. It's just a coat. It's long and dark and on the heavy side, but that's literally the only notable things about it.

"I don't think you understand how TTK works," Kon says, lowering his phone with a wry smirk. "I don't have to look at you to see you, man."

. . . well, that's definitely an application of tactile telekinesis that Tim wasn't previously aware of.

He's just going to try not to think too hard about any implications of Kon's telekinetic field potentially being in constant passive contact with literally everything and everyone around. Especially not him.

If he's lucky, he'll be able to forget that new bit of knowledge as anything but an unfortunate new angle to his occasional sex dreams and just leave it at that.

"Oh," Tim says, feeling vaguely faint and still trying very hard not to think too hard about this new bit of knowledge. "Uh, that's . . . cool. Um. Can I talk to you? Er–please?"

"Need another museum un-robbed?" Kon asks, and Tim is genuinely surprised to be so immediately recognized. It's been over a week, Kon saves people's lives every day, and they'd barely even spoken.

"Not so much," he says. "I just wanted to thank you again. Um. Properly, I mean."

Kon tilts his head, a brief flicker of curiosity flashing through his eyes, then grins up at him.

"I told you, man, it's no big," he says. "It's just what I do, you know?"

"I know, yeah," Tim says. "But I still appreciate it. Can I cover your lunch for you?"

He figures that's a subtle little nudge towards what he wants out of this conversation. Get a foot in the door and all; set some expectations. Or at least try to work up to it.

"I don't know, can you?" Kon says with another brief flash of curiosity, though his grin doesn't change.

"I mean, you're a superhero so I assume you could stop me if you wanted, but otherwise I'm not really seeing any obstacles there," Tim replies reasonably. Kon laughs a lot more brightly than Tim usually gets to see him laugh, which is incredibly distracting, but the people glaring bloody murder at his back finally start letting up.

"I dunno, you're pretty cool under pressure," Kon says with a sly smirk. "Maybe I couldn't."

Tim hates his useless brain and all the totally inappropriate thoughts it immediately conjures up about various options for getting one over on Kon, because of course all of said options are sexy options. Kon's smirking at him all sly and teasing and Tim just made him laugh; there is literally no possible way they could not be.

God, he's going to be thinking about this for their entire next training session, isn't he. That's gonna be mortifying as fuck.

"I think you're underestimating yourself," he says. "You handled those assholes at the museum like they were nothing."

"Well, they weren't exactly Intergang," Kon says wryly.

"Still," Tim says. "The only casualty of an armed robbery and hostage situation was a vase."

"Apparently a very important vase, according to the papers," Kon says, making a face. "Superman told me I need to be more careful next time."

"Over a vase?" Tim says incredulously. He doesn't care how important the stupid vase was, Kon was busy protecting his skull from bullets. The vase's untimely demise is mildly unfortunate at best.

"Well, he wouldn't have broken it," Kon says with a shrug, picking up his mug to knock back the last of his drink. It looks like hot chocolate, not coffee.

"Neither did you," Tim points out. "You're not the one who freaked out and dropped their gun."

"Tell that to Superman," Kon snorts, briefly eyeing his empty mug before setting it back down. Then he shrugs again and grins again too, leaning forward a bit towards Tim. "It's whatever, man, no big deal. Wanna sit?"

Tim isn't actually sure what to do with that offer, but it would be helpful for making his pitch, so . . .

Though he doesn't know why Kon's making it, to be honest.

Still, no time to be looking the gift horse in the mouth, so Tim takes him up on it and sits down across from him. Kon looks weirdly pleased about it, for some reason. Tim still doesn't know why, but isn't gonna question it.

"Thanks," he tries.

"Pleasure's all mine," Kon says, flashing him a grin as he rests his chin in a hand. Tim remains mystified as to why he seems so pleased and why he even remembers him at all, but . . . okay, sure. This might as well happen. "What's your name, anyway?"

"Tim Drake," Tim says, feeling increasingly mystified.

"Nice to meet you, Tim," Kon says. "You know, without any weird magic goats or guns to anyone's head being involved."

Honestly, the magic goat and the gun to his head were both less weird in Tim's personal frame of reference than Kon's apparent interest in chatting him up in this trendy Metropolis café is, but whatever. It's useful, so he's gonna make full use of it.

[liamlawsonlesbian]

what book I would give each current formula one driver to introduce them to the joy of reading

an intellectual exercise no one* asked for

Max Verstappen: Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Diamond - if you are nd and have read this book, you may understand me. otherwise just trust me. the impetus for this post

Checo Perez: The Trumpet of the Swan by E.B. White - this is an excellent read-aloud book for Sergio Jr.'s age, and there is nothing as wonderful as reading a compelling book to a kid you love, imho

Charles Leclerc: The Golden Compass by Phillip Pullman - he is on the record as a Potter enjoyer. also, I think he would enjoy having a little animal friend

Carlos Sainz: Priestdaddy by Patricia Lockwood - okay yes this is partially a joke about the title, but this is a hilarious and wonderful memoir, about weird families and Catholicism, and I think Carlos would enjoy it.

Lando Norris: Guards! Guards! by Terry Pratchett - in my mind Lando is a little bit like @bright-and-burning but less cool, so this fits. also, the combination of high number of jokes/page + action/mystery seems like a good fit

Oscar Piastri: Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie - this book has the kind of mystery that really draws you in, plus I think Oscar would dig the questions about AI it digs into. I choose to believe with zero evidence that he would be interested in the funky gender stuff

Fernando Alonso: Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell - look me in the eye and tell me this book wasn't written for Fernando Alonso

Lance Stroll: Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card - yeah

Lewis Hamilton: Die Trying by Lee Child - Lewis deserves to read mildly trashy thrillers <3 plus there's a Tom Cruise movie

George Russell: Changing My Mind by Zadie Smith - as a proud Brit, George should be reading one of the premiere English authors of the 21st century. her first book of essays is a fun and readable place to start

Yuki Tsunoda: Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel - I don't have a Yuki-lore explanation, I just want to give him one of my favorite books

Daniel Ricciardo: The Gunslinger by Steven King - The Dark Tower series is Lord of the Rings-esque in scope but Western-inflected in aesthetic and written by The Horror Guy, I think DR would enjoy

Alex Albon: The Emperor of All Maladies: A Biography of Cancer by Siddhartha Mukherjee - I say this with so much love in my heart, but Alex wants to be seen as smart. this book is brilliantly written pop science

Logan Sargeant: Bloomability by Sharon Creech - yes this is a book for tween girls, but it's about boarding school in Switzerland, and Sharon Creech is a genius. if I could convince him to read it, I think he would love it

Valtteri Bottas: The Fellowship of the Ring by JRR Tolkien - what are hobbits if not humanoid moomins?

Zhou Guanyu: Piranesi by Susannah Clarke - a fun, exciting, stylishly written book for a stylish guy

Kevin Magnussen: Watership Down by Richard Adams - rabbit warfare <3

Nico Hulkenberg: A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles - Hulk SEEMS like a Dad Who Reads Historical Fiction, even if he isn't yet

Pierre Gasly: Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo - I almost said A Game of Thrones but I don't think that would be good for him. so, Six of Crows. he likes heists!

Esteban Ocon: City of Brass by S.A. Chakraborty - a superhero origin story of sorts for Mr. Spiderman

Bonus: Liam Lawson: Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir - lesbian from New Zealand. let me have this

*ro asked for it, take it up with them @oscarpiastriwdc

[zenaidamacrouras1]

Clint/Bucky aka Winterhawk aka Clucky aka Barneston (?) Fic Recs

Yes I am an (unhinged understatement) Stucky writer but I have a soft spot for Bucky and Clint romantically. Particularly Comics Clint. Something about his crippling self esteem issues stemming from his abusive childhood combined with how deeply, deeply nice he is. In my favorite Clint characterizations, he isn't nice out of naivety, he always knows he's quite likely going to get screwed over for being so compassionate and forgiving, and he just does it anyway. It's really a lovely fatal flaw.

Anyway, shout out to everyone with fucked up abusive childhoods who got all the trauma and none of the circus skills! All of the baggage and none of the archery talent, you know?

So here are some things I love about them together:

So Clint is so chill around Bucky's grief but also deeply compassionate and also a slutty disaster and also funny. I think it's a really good mix for recovering Bucky to let his guard down and be soft.

Sometimes, in some universes, Bucky needs someone who is just as earnest but not as serious as Steve, you know? Clint is whimsical and the Winter Soldier needs a lil whimsy.

Typically, though not always, in fics when Bucky is paired with Clint the other otps are Clint+Natasha as deeply committed best friends/platonic soulmates and Bucky+Steve as deeply committed best friends/platonic soulmates, so it's just a whole deeply committed, devoted, platonic and romantic love situation that really works for me.

Winterhawk manifesto aside, here are some fics I liked presented somewhat at random.

Starving for the Light by thepartyresponsible

@thepartyresponsible hopefully this is the author and not a random person with the same name. Hi! I love your work! My notes: Beautiful modern magical world, beautiful details, beautiful healing. Exquisite levels Clint who is so competent and just not aware of how gifted he is but not in a cheesy way, just kinda heartbreaking till it isn't.

Here is another beautiful piece by the very same brilliant mind:

Got a Heart in Me, I Swear by thepartyresponsible

My notes: Sports AU! Baseball this time but you don't have to know baseball and beautiful characterization + competence remains the shining thing that made me want to eat it.

Redundancies by Noxnthea @noxnthea

My notes: What the fuck. I wanted to read this entire fic at the same time, but it wouldn't fit in my eyes all at once which is my only complaint, but it's a very severe complaint because it is so clever and good. Universe hopping. Must love Clint. All the good things about Clint being so fucking good. It's so sad in the way that makes you feel a deep love of the world and that maybe broken things can be beautiful and happy again, over and over?

Lost and Found by Mariana O'Connor @mariana-oconnor

My notes: Do you like werewolves? Trick question. Everyone likes werewolves. This is a lovely small town full of mysteries that Clint stumbles into. Obviously he starts rehabbing a hotel and taking care of orphans because he is just nice like that. Bucky can't keep away because, ugh, Clint stop being fascinating and competent and sexy. Bucky is only one man and also traumatized have you no respect?

Silhouette also by Mariana O'Connor @mariana-oconnor

My notes: YOU GUYS. Very slow build spy adventure time if you like spy adventure and heists mixed with pining because your mortal enemy is 1. Sexy and 2. Competent. Also Natasha is the best friend and Steve is the best friend. We travel the world. Action scenes. Everyone is so sexy. And competent. I can't make this clear enough. Sexy little mysterious post cards appear in the mail.

Perfect Tense by shatteredhourglass @shatteredhourglass

My notes: Ronin Clint thinks he's irredeemable, but he can't stop having sex with Bucky Barnes. Who hasn't been in this situation? Bucky is very angrily bandaging up Ronin Clint's stupid wounds again, ugh, gah, seriously, surely all this hurt/comfort plus admiration for Clint's combat skills won't lead to falling in love? Feelings, action, intrigue.

Funny story I wanted to include a fic where Bucky kidnaps Clint but y'all there are SO MANY fics where Bucky kidnaps Clint and I can't remember which one. I bet they are all good so maybe I'll do a follow up with like, top ten fics where Bucky kidnaps Clint and they fall in love.

[ramen8008]

Imagine one day Inej ends up mentioning that Kaz's birthday is coming up soon (because if anyone knows his birthday it's her) to Nina and Nina being Nina decides they HAVE to throw a surprise party even though it would be almost impossible to surprise Kaz.

So all of them plan a surprise birthday party and Kaz is freaking out over why is everyone acting so suspicious because Kaz being Kaz could never suspect a surprise birthday party for him. Hell even he forgot his own birthday.

And then the surprise birthday freaks him out and breaks his facade (only for like 3 seconds) where he is so confused as to what the hell is this and why is everything so colourful and why is everyone smiling and singing? And Nina should really stop singing.

--------------------------------------

Everyone: SURPRISE!!

Kaz: *shook*

Kaz: what the hell is going on?!?

Nina: jeez Kaz could you show some enthusiasm we threw a party for you, be a little grateful.

Kaz: a party?!?

Jesper: it's the thing where people get together and celebrate for something you know like fun-

Kaz: I know what a party is

Wylan: we just thought since it's your birthday we could throw you a surprise party

Kaz: My...what

Inej: It's your birthday. You know? The day you were born? When you came into this world? When the saints for some reason thought that the world needed you so you were born.

Kaz: I know what a birthday is. I ju-

Kaz: ...why

Nina: for food and also wanted to see how you would react to something fun....mostly food tho

Jesper: I mean it's a party I just needed an excuse to party

Wylan: I mean it would be nice to let loose a little and party after everything we went through we never threw a victory party and your birthday just happened to be around.

Inej: We all thought it would be fun to celebrate together. We also wanted to throw you a party to maybe get you to do something fun that doesn't involve crime and hopefully you let yourself relax a little.

Kaz: ...

Wylan: Kaz you good?

Jesper: OMG! He is frozen in shock

Nina: No he isn't. This is Kaz Brekker he isn't startled much less frozen by anything

Inej: *shakes Kaz* Kaz, say something!

Kaz: I am just confused

Wylan: what do you mean?

Jesper: You party like you have never partied before

Nina: I swear to God if we have to explain to you what a birthday party is

Kaz *composes himself*: no I just... Don't know what happens in a party much less a birthday party

Everyone: WHAT!?!

Wylan: have you NEVER had a birthday party?!!? Even I have had one when my father thought I could read

Kaz: I've had a birthday par-

Nina: ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOT! You are SO having the party of your life

Jesper *grabs Kaz and pulls him towards the food*: HELL YEAH YOU ARE GOING TO PARTY AND YOU ARE GOING TO MEAN IT.

Inej just stares and smiles as they all take Kaz.

Nina: INEJ WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE COME JOIN US!

----------------------------------------------

Before the heist when only Inej knew about his birthday. Cause like I said if anyone knew his birthday it would be her. She remembered even though Kaz forgot (obviously). And since she knew Kaz would never want a birthday party or gift she decided to do something he would like.

The night of his birthday she crawls up to his rooms and sits on his window sill. Like always they sit in comfortable silence until.

Kaz *lifts his gaze and looks at her*: whatever you want to say just say it

Inej: well there is this one really expensive jewel being auctioned tomorrow...

Kaz: *raises an eyebrow for her to continue*

Inej: I mean what I am trying to say is pretty obvious. I just thought since you weren't exactly busy we could go grab the jewel, it would look good on your table.

Kaz: What value will it have since we won't be able to sell it.

Inej: jeez Kaz not everything is about the money I just thought it'll be a fun adrenaline rush for both of us since there haven't been any challenging jobs lately

Inej: you know what since you don't want to go I'll go by myself.

Kaz: wait-

Kaz: let me grab my cane.

After successful jewel heist.

They are out of breath and finally back in Kaz's room where Inej sits on the window sill and Kaz on his desk.

Inej: here *throws him a cupcake*

Kaz *confused*: what's this?

Inej: I grabbed it from a nearby stall. *takes a bite from her own cupcake*

Kaz: ...

Inej: just eat it it's not like I'll try to poison you.

Kaz: you wouldn't bother trying to kill me with poison since you know it won't work *looks at the cupcakes skeptically"

Inej: *motions him to eat*

Kaz: *rolls his eyes but takes a bite*

They both eat in nice comfortable silence

Inej: oh and Kaz?

Kaz: *looks at Inej* hmm

Inej: Happy Birthday *disappears out the window*

They don't mention it afterwards but it ends up becoming a tradition and now every year for Kaz's birthday they steal something expensive and secure just for the fun of it and then enjoy a cupcake in silence.

(The DeKappel being one of the stolen items from Kaz's birthday tradition.)

[eva-of-the-sea]

Y'all ever notice that Fujiko receives a disproportionate amount of hate in the fandom? I'm sure it's something we've all seen, especially if you're a fan of her, but I don't really see it discussed.

I'm bringing it up now because for the past couple of months, I keep running into new fans that are very vocal about disliking her. And while I understand that everyone has their preferences, the reasons they give for why they hate her bother me the most:

"She's a bitch, she's so awful to the poor guys and especially to Lupin."

"She's a slut. She's constantly using her body to get what she wants."

"She betrays the gang so much it's annoying how she always does the same thing."

"It's the writers' fault for making her so unlikable."

While I partially understand one of these points, some of these other ones confuse me.

Fujiko is a character that looks out for herself. She goes into every heist with the thought of "what can I get out of this?" And despite this, she's been shown many times to care about all of the gang. Yes, even in part 2 where folks usually base their hatred of her off of. This is because she is a multifaceted character that isn't just driven by a single motivation.

"But Jigen and Goemon hate her!"

Do they? Because while they do get mad at her shenanigans, we also see them going out of their way to protect her and comfort her. Hell, Fujigoe is a common canon occurrence! Do you really think Goemon would be dating her if he didn't like her? Or that Jigen would be pushing her out of the way of bullets or shielding her with his body if he didn't care about her? Being mad or annoyed with someone's actions aren't the same as hatred. No one ever points out how they get mad at Lupin, and I'd argue that happens more often!

And on the point of her being a slut...where? I'm genuinely confused with this one. Fujiko does use her beauty and charms both to manipulate rich men into giving her treasure and to get out of dangerous situations. That's kind of the point of her being a femme fatale. But how often does she sleep with the people she manipulates? Most instances I can think of, she knocks them out when she gets that far. In fact, I would argue she doesn't seem to be that interested in having sex at all. Do they count her flirting as being slutty? If so, c'mon. And even if she did sleep with her targets, why would this be a bad thing? Are women characters not allowed to have sex? And again, how come Lupin doesn't get the third degree for HIS sluttiness. In fact, I see people joke about it and celebrate it if anything.

On the point of her betraying gang, yeah it is very one-note and does get old. You know what else is very one-note? Literally the actions of every other character in the show. I don't see people complaining about Zenigata chasing the gang getting old. Or about Lupin flirting with every woman he sees. Or about Jigen and Goemon using the same weapons in the same way to get out of every situation. Y'know, maybe this is just a repetitive show! And tbh, the writing lately has been shaken up. The modern series doesn't really have Fujiko betray the gang much anymore. She's either off doing her own thing or she's working with the gang as a member of the team. A lot of people complain about parts 4-6, but I think this is one of the elements it does right.

And finally, on the note of "poor Lupin", I think this one pisses me off the most lol. The fuck y'all mean "poor Lupin"?? I think fans either forget or don't realize that Lupin is a pretty smart guy. He knows Fujiko is most likely going to betray him if he does something for her, the bastard LIKES IT. This is foreplay for both of them. In case you haven't noticed yet, both of them are kind of freaks lol. There's a reason that most of the time, Jigen and Goemon are mad at HIM. Lupin is not a poor sweet baby that needs protection from Fujiko. He specifically loves the chase, the constant push and pull of their relationship. She's an exciting challenge for him, he's a stable home for her.

While I agree that Fujiko has not always been written great in the past, and I'm sure a lot of that was due to misogyny, I think fans need to reevaluate why they criticize her more harshly than the rest of the gang. There's a lot of things she's done that the fandom deems unforgivable, yet the boys have done some of the same stuff without so much as a slap on the wrist. Lupin constantly puts them all in unnecessary danger. Jigen has made some really unsavory comments about women. Goemon has betrayed the gang more than once. And I don't see nearly enough discussion about how Lupin really used to push himself on Fujiko, to the point of it being uncomfortable sometimes. Like damn I'd sell his ass out too😬.

I think it all boils down to Fujiko being a woman. And as a woman, she has to work harder to please the fans. If she's too nice, then she doesn't really have a personality or a reason for anyone to like her. If she's too selfish, she's a mean bitch and everyone should hate her. What if people saw her as a character first? Because no she's not a good person, but neither are the rest of the gang. Their morals are all on a sliding scale of what works best for the plot. But damn she's a great character. She stands out on her own and really makes you remember her. She's so much more than "the girl" character, and I'm so grateful for that. I hope more fans come to this conclusion too.

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Li'l Marcher

Debut: Yoshi's Crafted World

Remember the joke of Yoshi Tax Fraud? That was really funny as a single Tumblr post! And then not funny at all as a meme. And then kind of funny again when Suppermariobroth unearthed that Yoshi tries to sweettalk people into tax breaks in Fortune Street!

But that is all old news. Let's talk about Yoshi's real, canon crimes! Yoshi has performed a museum heist. Isn't that great?

"No, it's not great. I hate it!"

Oh. Sorry. And who are you?

"I'm Li'l Marcher from Yoshi's Crafted World. And I hate museum heists! Share my story with the world. The people need to know that I hate museum heists."

Yeah okay. Sure. I'll do that. I'm sure people will be very interested in that.

"Thank you. They will. I'll be the next Goomba."

Well, this is Li'l Marcher, and it hates museum heists! Yoshi, on the other hand, loves them, and is sort of just casually looting this place after hours. That's some Wario behavior! But he must be careful, because if he's seen by the automated spotlight, the security system TAKES CONTROL and starts ATTACKING the Yoshi! This security system is the Li'l Marchers, an endless supply of little waddling siren guys.

And being a security system is really their whole thing! If Yoshi is seen, the sirens are released to Get him, but not to alert anyone. Just to Get him. Addressing the fact that this museum is easy enough to enter that a dinosaur got in? No thank you! They just want to kill that intruder and die themselves in the process, because they die instantly upon bumping into Yoshi.

Look at that. Bumbling, I tell you! What's so important about this museum that these bulbs of buffoonery risk their life to protect?

I don't know, but there ARE paintings of Li'l Marchers displayed around the museum! Perhaps they feel in the organization's debt, due to it showing them this appreciation? Or it could be their very own art, and the poor things fear that some of the little culture they have is at risk of theft. Whatever the case, they sure love this painting, because the exact same one is displayed all throughout the stage!

Maybe the true reason they are so dedicated to protecting this museum is that it is frankly just not a good museum. A far below average establishment. The painting is nice, sure, but I only really need to see it once! When you buy a ticket to this museum, proceeds are absolutely not going toward improving its collections. They are instead going to making even more cute little security guards to Kill You. If you're dead, you won't find out that the museum sucks! It's a perfect plan! If you ever plan on going to a bad museum... be careful!

[prokopetz]

Like, I'm not claiming that it's impossible to successfully adapt Dungeons & Dragons to premises which are very unlike its default "fantasy heist caper with light survival-horror elements" comfort zone, but every time I see someone claiming that doing so is easy, I have the same question: did you really adapt D&D for that, or did you just sit your players down for what you claimed was going to be a game of D&D, then proceed to swat them with a metaphorical rolled-up newspaper every time they tried to approach the scenario you put in front of them in a manner that's consistent with the system's player-facing incentives until they gave up on engaging with the mechanics at all and resorted to freeform RP? Because in my experience, much of the time it's the second one in practice – and of course there's nothing wrong with freeform RP per se, but successfully badgering people who thought they were going to be playing a tabletop RPG into doing freeform RP instead isn't the same as adapting a system.

[imthepunchlord]

It's really funny how despite the things he did in his debut appearence, people were saying that Felix was better than Adrien because "the show never tried to justify what he did", and then comes Season 5 to say "Nope, every bad thing he did was ok! He's actually a good guy!"

I'm not sure you want to come to me about Felix being problematic then made good as I am one of those who really like Felix far more than Adrien, this including PV and canon's initial intro of him. There are definite issues of s4 finale and s5 and how they handled Felix, but I do still like him far more than Adrien, and I do still think he's a better lead option.

Keeping the topic on canon, Felix for the first few eps, based on what I heard, was doing everything that I've been wanting.

Adrien and Gabriel, who for some reason, are just unconditionally liked by characters? No one dislikes them at all?

Well in comes Felix who dislikes them both.

Adrien's been long due to have some sort of adversary, especially with Marinette technically getting 3 from Chloe, Lila, and sort of Kagami who was occasionally antagonistic to her. But Adrien never got one. Not even in Luka who isn't even an actual rival to him given Adrien had no romantic interest in Marinette.

So Felix came in and hit that want. Shame it didn't stay.

Then I get to hear that Felix comes back, dislikes Chloe, and messes with her?

And then his, what, 3rd appearance, Felix discovers Gabriel is HM, and plots a heist against him. Boy is doing the job Adrien was supposed to do back in s2 when he discovered his father had a Miraculous related book, and did nothing.

If anything, the inclusion of Felix just confirmed to me that we got the lesser lead.

And base on what I hear, the s4 finale and onwards just ruins Felix but hey, by how ML is with it's inconsistency, those are details I can choose to dismiss/ignore. Especially as those can clash with initial intro, which wouldn't be the first time (like Kagami and Trixx are very different form their initial intros).

But yeah, I agree that he was better than Adrien. He actually does stuff vs Adrien who spends most seasons sitting in his room watching the news. Plus, Felix was openly and acknowledged as problematic in contrast to Adrien who does problematic things but it's not acknowledged to be.

But that is just me as I've been disapproving of Adrien since s2.

[itsbenedict]

How would you make mario a villain?

Huh! Tricky one. I mean, there's tons of Newgrounds parodies about how fucked up it is that Mario goes around crushing turts all day, and there's the obvious "silent scary henchman of the image-conscious dictator" angle. Tricky to cast him as the villain rather than the muscle, though...

There's only one thing that notably motivates Mario, and that's Princess Peach. Extreme devotion, there. For him to have agency, she needs to be removed from the picture- and I think that neatly answers the motive thing, too. Peach hasn't been kidnapped, this time- there's something more permanent. But what? "She's been killed and he's out for revenge" is a little 3edgy5me, and also if Mario sets out to get revenge I think he just gets it. His antagonists have rarely put up the kind of fight that would require him to concoct a villainous scheme.

Who's the protagonist, if not Mario? What is Mario doing that requires someone else to go on an adventure opposing him? How do we make this something that Nintendo would actually consider releasing?

...Okay, what's Mario's usual M.O.? How do we make that villainous? He... goes to dangerous places, nimbly circumvents all obstacles in his way, and claims powerful, usually star-shaped magical objects, in order to rescue the princess. This time... he isn't really concerning himself with who the rightful owners of said magical objects are.

It's a Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego situation. There's been a rash of heists committed by a strange masked phantom thief, and the protagonist's job is to find out how the relics were stolen and where the culprit hid them, and get them back before their clients suffer dire consequences as a result of missing-magic-item-itis. You investigate crime scenes, pick up the phantom thief's trail, chase him down, and bop him one but good to recover the relic and save the day.

This is complicated somewhat because this phantom thief is in league with Bowser, who keeps causing trouble in ways that the phantom thief takes advantage of to get past security. The Koopa Troop often assists the phantom thief in his getaways. Why are they working together???

Flash back. Mario standard plot- Bowser has kidnapped the princess. This time, he's done it using some magic item or invention doohickey whose provenance he doesn't quite understand, which has turned Princess Peach to stone. True to form, Mario goes through several another castles and thrashes Bowser and breaks his evil doohickey, and... uh. This fails to rescue the princess. She is still a statue.

Bowser doesn't know why she's still a statue, and both of them panic. How do they fix this?! They need to try something- find some new magic thing that'll bring her back! They've heard of the Sacred Star of Healing in one of the neighboring Kingdoms (which exist in infinite supply in the Mario universe to be adventured through precisely once and then forgotten about forever), and agree to work together to steal it and use it to restore Peach.

It doesn't work. They ditch it somewhere. They follow up on another rumor- the Golden Coin Spirit in the Treasure Kingdom or whatever, and that's a bust too. And after a couple of these, the international community is forced to call in an expert to catch this thief and bring him to justice.

So who's our protagonist? Who in the Mario universe is a famous detective who specializes in guarding star-shaped magical relics from would-be burglars? WHAT IMPROBABLY LARGE-BRAINED PENGUIN COULD POSSIBLY THWART THIS MASTER CRIMINAL?!?