#heaven forbid you care about the wrong people i guess

[askshivanulegacy]

THIS was the problem people had with Percy Jackson???

This is a nothing burger. There is nothing here.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but this is a new low even for social media.

Watch me go enjoy Percy Jackson. On Disney even.

apparently a bunch of ppl on social media are trying to call for a boycott of rick riordan because of this statement in a blog post:

Becky and I are just back from a busy weekend with events at the Boston Book Festival and New York Comic-Con.

Before I get into that, however, some words to acknowledge the ongoing horrors in Israel and Gaza. As many of you may know, I am no longer on social media. My accounts post only updates on my books and related projects. I do not read posts, reply to posts, or share my thoughts about world events on those forums. That doesn’t mean I don’t have strong feelings and reactions. It means I am offline as completely as possible, except for the occasional blog post like this one.

I will say this: Over the last eighteen years, I have received many fan letters from young readers, both Israeli and Palestinian, who often told me that my books helped them escape the fear, grief and anxiety they were dealing with at the time. Some had lost family members to violence. Some were writing while in the distance they could hear explosions, gunfire, and the launching of rockets. They used my books as a way to escape into another world, where the monsters were fictional, and where demigods usually saved the day. While I am always glad that my books can help young readers find joy during difficult times, my heart breaks every time I hear about the things they have to deal with. I am grief-stricken by the horrific events now unfolding, especially because I know that they are part of a long historic pattern that has been robbing too many children of their childhood and perpetuating hatred for far too long.

I am also quite aware that when anyone, myself included, tries to speak about this issue, the reader is waiting to pounce, thinking, “Yes, but whose side are you on?” That is exactly the wrong question. If there are two sides to this issue, those sides are not Palestinian/Israeli or Muslim/Jewish. The two sides are humanitarian and dehumanizing. Dehumanizing has a long evil history. It is appealing and easy to buy into, because humans are tribal animals. We are hardwired to think in terms of ‘us’ versus ‘them.’ We are the real humans, the good guys, the ones with God on our side. Those other people are evil monsters who don’t deserve empathy. Hate mongers have thrived on dehumanizing for as long as there have been humans. It provides them with a purpose, a way to rally support, power, and scapegoats. It is easy to point to atrocities committed by our enemies, while justifying or minimizing the atrocities committed by ourselves or our allies.

Humanitarianism is a much harder sell. It requires us to empathize, to see other groups of people as equally deserving of dignity and quality of life. It requires not always putting ourselves and our needs first. But in the long run, humanitarianism is our only hope. If violence could end violence, if we could put an end to “those other people” once and for all, human history would read very differently than it does.

So yes, I am appalled by the Hamas attacks on Israeli civilians. I am appalled by the suffering of Palestinian civilians in Gaza. Both things can be true. Both things must be true. My thoughts are with all the people who have died, who have lost loved ones, who have had their worlds and their lives shattered, especially the children. More death and violence will not break this cycle, which has been going on for generations. There is no military solution. Even since I first wrote the post, only twenty-four hours ago, the Israeli government’s brutal retaliation against the entire population of Gaza has reached genocidal proportions. This is not only an atrocity. It is folly. Answering misery with misery only creates more fertile ground for extremism, dehumanizing the “other side,” letting hate mongers thrive, stay in power, and reduce us all to our most monstrous impulses. The only real solution is treating each other like equally worthy human beings, and negotiating a peace that allows all parties a chance to live in security and dignity, with hopes for a future that does not include bombs and rockets and gunfire. This means security and support for Israel, yes. It also means a secure Palestine which is allowed to get the international aid and recognition it needs to build a viable state.

Do I think that will happen? Unfortunately, no. Humans are simply too selfish, too ready to blame “the other” for all their problems, too ready to dehumanize, though I also believe, perhaps paradoxically, that most people just want to live their lives in peace and have a chance for their children to have a brighter future. The problem is when we don’t allow other people to have those same hopes and dreams — when it becomes a false choice of us versus them.

What can I do? I will continue to write books that I hope will give young readers some joy. I will resist the urge to demonize entire groups of people. I will call for less violence, not more violence. And when asked whose side I am on, I will tell you I am on the side of humanitarianism.

So with that said, I return to the world of books . . .

honestly, if you have a problem with this statement, it’s probably because he’s talking about you. this is exactly what legitimate activists (as in not just random westerners who share social media posts but on-the-ground activists who are doing real work) have been saying for decades. and i think all this really speaks to just how disconnected a lot of westerners who claim to be pro palestinian are from those activists.

if you can’t read a statement that says “i am on the side of humanitarianism and less violence” without immediately jumping to cancel them, you are the problem being discussed in the above statement.

[thebestsetter]

Thinking about Isagi Yoichi, the hero of Japan and biggest egoist on the field, being a complete loser when it comes to the girl he likes.

Like, he may insult the opposing team's players (and even his own teammates sometimes!) in the field, but gets all red and stutters when he needs to talk to you.

Isagi Yoichi who is absolutely delusional. If he holds a conversation with you for more than 5 minutes, you can bet he's gonna think about it during THE WHOLE WEEK. His friends can't escape his feelings either: he's always talking about you or associating things with you. Like: "Oh, she would like this!" Or "You guys won't believe it: we talked for almost 10 minutes today!" Please save Hiori and Bachira. They can't take it anymore. (Well, Bachira doesn't really care, but Hiori is really almost losing his shit.)

This absolute dork would listen to love songs while thinking about you and then get all blushy after, hugging a pillow while stuffing his red face on it and everything. And heaven forbids anyone enters his room after you compliment him! He's kicking his feet, screaming, crying and laughing all at the same time. SPECIALLY if it's a compliment regarding his football abilities. Say something along the lines of "That goal today was amazing, Yoichi! It was such a smart play!" and he's melting and thinking about it through the whole month.

Speaking of football, he'd LOVE to see you in his soccer games/practices cheering loudly for him. I mean, he's already absolutely smitten for you, but seeing you there screaming because of his goal or smiling because of a play he made just makes his obsession love for you grow 10 times bigger!!

He'd even ask his mom for advice on what to say to you! She thinks it's cute her little boy is growing up (even though he's already 17), so she tries to help him the best she can. But there's just so much mama can do. He tries to follow her teachings, but, as I said before, always stutters and trips over his words, which makes him feel really stupid and almost give up on love, since it's a "very hard and painful feeling that just hurts people" (his words).

When he finally musters up the courage to ask you out on a date (after a lot of insistence from Hiori, who is just really tired from all of this), he wants it all to go perfect. He has it all pictured in his head: he'll ask you to meet him in the back of the school after extracurricular activities so he can ask you out. He'll have flowers and everything, and then he'll say that speech he spent the last 14 days memorizing. You'll say yes with a smile in you face (he's already blushing just from imagining your smile, he really is down bad) and then you'll live your happilly ever after together.

Spoiler alert: nothing went as planned. First, the letter he wrote asking you to meet him in the back of the school got wet because he accidentally spilt water on it. So, he had to make a half-assed substitute letter to put in your desk.

Second, he forgot soccer leaves people all stinky. So, at the end of practice, he had to choose between taking a shower and showing up all drenched and late and showing up sweaty and smelly. He choose the former, after all, showing up late but presentable is better than showing up early but looking like you got shit on by a racoon.

Third, when he finally got there (you were almost leaving, thank God he caught you just in time!) and apologized for being late, he gave you the flowers. He thought nothing else could go wrong, but things can always get worse than they already are. But I don't blame him for not knowing that things could, in fact, get worse: how was he supposed to guess there were literally bees in the flowers? To get rid of them, he tried to shook the bouquet, but accidentally ended up throwing it at your face. With bees and all.

You screamed. He screamed. He grabbed the bouquet and shoved it away, looking at the ground and wishing it'd just swallow him whole. He messed up his chance, you'd never ever even look at his way again. You hated him, absolutely hated him. You wish he was dead, you were going to change schools just to never see him again, he's the worse person ever-

Huh? What is that sound? You're laughing...? You're seriously laughing?

You laughed. He got confused.

He looked up. You were throwing your head back while wiping away the tears that got out of your eyes. You were clutching your stomach because you were laughing so hard it was starting to hurt.

You laughed. He laughed.

You both looked like maniacs. Lunatics. Laughing alone in the middle of nowhere. You looked crazy he WAS crazy. Crazy for you. Not that you knew it at that time

He then decided to just shoot his shot and finally asked you out, without flowers or memorized speech. He didn't even think you'd accept, he just thought it wouldn't hurt to try.

Imagine his face when you said yes. Even with the shitty proposal and embarassing moments, you said yes. And he was absolutely delighted. You gave him your number so he could text you the details about the date, and he was seriously shaking. I'm being for real, his pupils were blown wide and he was almost crying from happiness.

He went home jumping and skipping from happiness. Now, he wasn't just a loser. He was a loser with a date, so that makes him less loserly (at least that's what he thinks).

You accepting his proposal didn't make him talk less about you. Actually, he was now talking about you more than before, if it's even possible. Hiori felt like killing himself (he was happy for his friend, of course, he just didn't want to admit it).

This fic has a "sequel", it's this one

Masterlist

[notnights]

You mentioned that years ago you felt just as miserable as you do now. Which means you've lived threw this before, and you will again.

Or atleast i really hope you do, you seem nice

The art you make and stuff you write is honestly beyond just hella awesome even the reblogs you make are just rad! (im bad at verbalizing this kind of stuff but i do appreciate you on my dash, im glad your here. But much more than that i appreciate the type of person you seem to be and the stuff you like)

I hope whatever is plagueing you washes away again as it did before, until then remember to take care of yourself please. Summertime is usually a tough time for people all over the world and we kind of forget we're like actual animals, Be your own zookeeper! Drink enough water and get plenty of sleep

I hope your day/night gets better man

The problem is several of it will never ever go away. It’s always with me most of it will always be with me no matter what. And that sucks. Hahah man that sucks. Sure some other things might get better but some others are always going to be there and will still be there when other problems arise again. And I constantly wonder if maybe I preformed some terrible deeds in a past life to get such a messy combination of problems. And every month seems like worse news comes up and who knows maybe if I had a break, maybe try and fix one of those things at a time things would get better but that’s literally impossible without how this stuff works.

I do feel like drawing and story telling is the only real value I have about myself but it’s not like viable compared to everything else wrong with me. It’s a skill that doesn’t effect or that I can even utilize in helping in any other things in my life currently other than I guess vent and make art. I draw so much it feels like such a byproduct I don’t even like post 40% of what I make because I either feel it’s unfinished or just not something people would be interested in (which is fine I draw for myself and mostly myself posting it or not is just a socialization thing more than anything else for me)

But it’s like that doesn’t help treat my illness, or help me figure out what’s wrong with my brain that makes it unable to drive a car, make enough money to treat me or move and get out of here, heaven forbid if my mother found out the type of stuff I was drawing, what she’d do should warrant her own stay at the psyche ward.

Sorry this is a lot to dump on a stranger a little anon I know you’re just trying to help and I do appreciate it I’m sorry I’m being so negative. I do appreciate small things like you liking stuff I reblog and do decide to share.

Yesterday I accidentally stayed up near 30 hours after a break down after reading a letter I received with sucky news. Then now just woke up after sleeping 19 hours and I’ll probably decide to sleep more what else I got to lose. But I still haven’t eaten. Even if I was given food right in front of me I don’t think I could stomach it I feel so emotionally awful.

[the-sonic-crew]

TW (mentions of abuse and killing mentioned)

Thank you for the advice and help, but.

Its easier said than done when cutting contact with both of them, i do not wish to have her boyfriends number or any contact with him on any social media but even though my mom is technically in the wrong, she is a good mom and i love her lots she is technically a victim in this abuse as well, he knows she is deeply in love with him and will use that weakness against her, he uses every gaslight to stay with her, and she falls for it cause to me he is a really good liar but one can only lie so much, my mom beleives she can help him but its only a matter of time that he goes back to his old ways and possibly ends up killing her, per my aunt has said, everyone in my family absolutely hates this guy with a burning passion, i have done my best to ignore him, but i cannot leave my mom after knowing is he does get worse and get to a breaking point he would probably kill her… i just wanna be able to protect both my siblings and my mom, my siblings deserve a chance at happiness and so does my mom, i can only wait for him to get bad and i tell my cousin everything so he knows basically every detail that happens… as much as i love my aunts I can’t just leave my mom and abandon her to deal with taking care of my siblings and dealing with him alone… especially since she’s at her most vulnerable state right now with beating cancer and all… im just really tired of his baby acts yk? And im not even alowed to say anything cause heaven forbid he would start a tantrum…

I do i love my mom, but again I can’t leave her and find out through a called that she either died from him, a cancer or is sitting in the hospital, he scares me sure but i guess the reason im still here today is that I don’t wanna hurt or make my favourite people in my family cry and just abandon my pets, i realize it sounds like an excuse to stay but it’s my reason and its not something i wanna leave for granted, im sure it hurt my mom when my school counceler called her and told her about how i felt, when i heard she cried after the call ended it hurt me.

Its even scarier that i know cancer runs in my family

(I will check out the doc later when i feel more up to it)

I understand you're worried about your mom, but your safety is first priority. Maybe you can go no-contact with her boyfriend, live with your aunt, and visit your mom. But no matter what, you need to focus on keeping yourself safe. It's not selfish or rude or any of that.

Whatever you do, take care of yourself and know you're worth so much more than you're treated.

-Shadow

[house-of-mirrors]

(Preface: this rant is motivated by a reddit post I got annoyed by lol)

Heaven forbid a character aligned with the Liberation has nuance and exists in a gray moral area, I guess having ruthlessness as a personality trait makes you as bad as tyrants (unless of course you choose a certain ambition ending then you can do no wrong in reddit's eyes 🙄)

Oh you're "revolutionary?" You're not allowed to make a choice motivated more by emotion than rational thinking ever again. And don't even think about being a complex character and making misguided choices sometimes because it proves the Cause is actually evil.

If the game had a black and white morality system where everyone made clear-cut right and wrong choices, it wouldn't be nearly as interesting, and it would lack one of the core tenets of the horror genre

Idk like, if you think the Masters have sympathetic qualities even tho they've done so much bad, you can extend the same grace to rev characters.

This is a calendar council apologism blog, especially the winter months

Evolution spoilers under the cut

This was sparked by an interpretation of December on the Reddit that I did not care for lmao. classic reddit tbh

Do I love the Naturalist and want him to be ok and think it's an odd move that a chain breaker would want to force a character into a role they don't want? Yes. I'm not saying I agree with the logic if it is in fact the case (still betting that there's more to the situation than meets the eye). But I also acknowledge that the lore universe exists in a setting where there is absolutely no "everyone wins" scenario. The thesis of the game is that people make bad choices while motivated by love. No entity on any echelon of the chain is above that. I say it often but: It's all a tragedy? Always has been

(And I can still be Doyleist and squint at writer choices lol. I tend to be wary of how the revs are handled given the game's history)

Also it lowkey gets to me as someone who plays a ruthless, morally gray (and liberationist) character. He's done things he isn't proud of (things that would get him labeled a villain if he was a character in a big fandom lmao rip), but ultimately he tries to fight for a better future. He'd make an awful choice in a heartbeat if it would save someone he loved, and that just makes him human. He finds it very hard to judge

[pun-demon]

I want to take a moment to thank everyone who has actually been patient with me while I deal with some Heavy Shit. It's less common a reaction than you might think! But it also is something I'm sensitive about, so. Have some ramblings about my thoughts, if you care to know me as such.

TW: misogyny, domestic abuse mention

TLDR: I wish I'd handled my relationships differently. The love is, as always, RECKLESSLY sincere. But it's hard to open up, and heaven forbid that sincere love include myself...so I feel like I have to completely overhaul my brain and that's gonna be a bitch. I hope by the end of it people still are made happier by my presence!

I've been thinking a lot lately about how I've treated myself in life, and trying to accept that I've royally fucked up in that department. How to sum this up...I was born to old money on my father's side, where the family matriarch saddled me with a lot of harmful ideas as a child (primarily because I wasn't the grandson she wanted). Among my most formative experiences as an infant, she slowly taught me that the best I could do to make up for my inherent wrongness as a person was to market myself as a utility instead of an individual.

If you're loved but have no tangible value, how do you know you're anything but a convenience to others? Don't you want to be more than that? If you're useful, if people rely on you, that's an objective worth that no one can argue is yours. You matter in the way that matters most.

...Why did I ever think this would work? For one thing, it's very fucking possible to have people acknowledge your value to them, and even love you, but not love you the way you love them. It's happened to me, like, a lot. It still does sometimes! And of course it's a vicious cycle, because the same people who taught me to just let the world use me however it pleased also ensured I witnessed horrible violence before I was even out of diapers. I know maintaining healthy boundaries requires me to speak up, but my natural instincts believe that to do so is life-threatening. So it becomes my fault if people continue to use me and I "let" it happen (and "statistically, if something goes wrong it's my fault; it can't be helped that I'm a mistake and my existence a burden, it's in my nature").

I actually know why things played out like this. I'm just bitter about it, I guess. My inner abled self and I hate each other, and feel endless grief for the Brooke that never was. This...is more depressing than I thought, but it's a means of voicing my true feelings where my loved ones can (consent to) see them. Ergo, it's a method I have to try, it's not every day I necessarily get the chance!

[darlingpwease]

... :// oh heaven forbid I express happiness without getting criticized >:(( /j /nsrs You bite, they pinch. I- I think you should stay with biting,,, I don't think that you need to add pinching into the mix <//333

Oh, reading, writing, games, the stuff I mentioned before,, oops lol. But that's fair,, u resting is very important~~ <33 ...I'm gonna pretend I didn't read that <333 /t /hj [OH– ik I probably say this a lot but still, be careful and try not to overwork urself too much :))] I'M JUST AS SHOCKED– I thought I was gonna guess wrong again,,, /gen

(yes, I'm gaining the salt and pepper look early too!! /j Thats true, still a pain in the ass lol,, dw,, I'm looking forward to sleeping now lol I feel like an ostrich would fit more,, I try to hide lmao I don't wanna hear that from you >:(( Worm? Frog? Yet you also call me sweet names too?? We're going to be going back and forth again at this point >:(( /ht

It means I will sleep a lot. And if I sleep a little, my day will be full of on and off naps.

I can't even refute that. Instead I kinda wanna applaud you for finding the post... Ah,, let me stop you right there!! I agreed with being a frog as long as I don't become a worm!! /100000% gen AND SRS I STILL REMEMBER SOME THINGS!! /vvv gen + srs

your imagination is flourishing, darling /t I agree!! I'm a sucker for those especially when the gold are the highlights or used in details, it always makes artwork and architecture (and many other things too) look more majestic than before. The way people use it too is just really cool. Do you not think they fall under earth/nature related things?? /t Dark browns and greens, some beige colors too. ...okay, uhhh lets pause for a sec... Thats,, fair,,, but I'm pretty sure I talked about that before?? There's barely any bellies in my head (if at all). And if I were taken I would be acting very differently when speaking to you Dove, I promise lol. Plus I'm not even looking for something like that rn, so there should be no worries about being the 'other crumb.' being rotten on the other hand– /t

Ah, both?? yes yes... that does make sense.... Oh, oh no, I'm illiterate now,, but weirdly for only this section? Oh oh no oh well oops oh goodness well time to move onto something else– ...are u sure you did the test right, Dove?? WHAT

-panna cotta

of course; you're already acting teasingly, even though they're constantly trying to tame criticize you, so what kind of mess will you be when we stop doing this??? <///3 /t /hj why not??? I thought about it and decided that pinching you is much more effective than biting; we should start combining<333 /t

😧😧😧wow. I can only relax when I cuddle with a toy,,, you're interesting, boo~ then I will repeat once again that it is a pity that you have not grown even taller due to lack of sleep<///3 how do I roll you back to factory settings??? what is this sudden increase in the level of eloquence??? do you want to become a sweeter talker than you already are???

I sympathize; not that I can understand, I'm destined to remain forever young & beautiful<33 /t /j /nsrs yes;; fucking work with expired deadlines</3 that's good!!! so I can continue to rest while you work😋😋😋 trust me, 50% of your success is your lack of a bunny face, lovely~ of course!!! I love frogs and worms; when I was little, I often caught frogs and lizards to play with them, and dug up worms so that I could just let them go, since the moment of hunting interested me much more than doing something with them<3333 I still remember how I collected worms on the street in front of school (especially those who were trapped in puddles or could not move because they were crushed by someone) and carried them to the ground~ or when I walked around them just so as not to crush; so you're just wormphobic & frogphobic, panettone :///// not very panna cotta-ish of you :///////// /ht /hj I mean, it's normal for STRANGERS who DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER WELL and DON'T HAVE A LOT OF MEMORIES, so yeah, we can go back and forth until I get to know each other better >:3333 /t /j

ah,,,, it's so cute,,,,, I've often let friends sleep on my thighs before; I'd like to see your pretty sleeping face when you're not teasing or saying mean things<33 /t

it was very easy since I remembered him; it's good to have a memory /ht /j /neu no, no, you definitely agreed to become my worm!!! on the contrary, you said that instead of a frog you want to be a worm, because then they won't make a potion out of you<333 /1000000% gen<3333 heheh >:3333 you're wrong~ /t /j

not very peacemaker-ish of you~ /t /pos yes!!! it's just so beautiful,,,, it gives a certain antiquity and nobility to things<3333

[Janthina janthina / Liguus virgineus /Hinea brasiliana] ' fall under earth/nature related things' oh?

of course, there is no belly; instead, someone's glasses are there🤨🤨🤨 /j /t /nsrs If you start communicating with me differently one day, I will block you; NO non-single pies here, even panna cottas 3:<<< /hj /t /¾nsrs being a rotten crumb is a blessing, silly panna cotta<333 you may know a lot of crumbs, but do you know a lot of rotten crumbs? exactly~

It's okay, I can crawl out of the closet and we'll talk!!! I will be happy to explain to you what is hidden under the armor & why people are actually naked and you don't need to be shy about it. hey hey don't be sHY- /t /j of course, I made it up; now I will think about what sanctions to put forward for such an illiterate panna cotta~ yes!!! we urgently need to figure out what to do with you!!! everything always starts with rebellious and unfaithful panna cotta!!! 3:<<< /t /j

[k7l4d4]

Okay, this is gonna involve me unpacking a LOT of personal shit, so here goes...

I haven't seen my mom since I was five, because she was deeply mentally ill, and has no ability to take care of herself, so she gave me up to her grandparents. My grandparents tried really damn hard to raise me right, but when we moved when I was five, and my grandmother died later that year... things started going down hill.

I'm gonna state straight-up that my grandfather had depression following my grandmother's passing, and even in spite of that, he did TRY to raise me right. Too bad he was kind of an asshole. No, scratch that, he was a HUGE asshole, with a tight-fisted controlling streak wide enough you could swim the length of Lake Superior easily in it.

Ever since I was five, I haven't bee... good at handling my emotions. I fired back and forth between extremes easily, and I didn't know how to handle things going a way I didn't understand. This meant I got in trouble in school a lot when I was little. My grandpa's response to me getting in trouble? Yelling at me. FOR A FUCKING HOUR.

I was made to feel ashamed of having emotions, that nothing I did was right. Now, sometimes, I screwed up by genuine accident. Did this matter? Oh HELL NO. See, when I was young, I had a habit of pulling people into hugs around the shoulder and neck, otherwise known as putting people into Headlocks. I DID NOT KNOW WHAT A HEADLOCK WAS AT THE TIME. And yet, I got in trouble, and you want to know what my grandfather did? He said there was no way I couldn't have known what a headlock was without explaining HOW, and punished me by dragging me to the bathroom and forcing liquid soap into my mouth as a punishment. I wasn't even seven at the time, and I'll never forget the feeling of that slimy crap being scrubbed into my tongue until I burst into tears and tried to hack it up when it slipped down the back of my throat.

When I got into Middle School, and got something resembling muscles, my grandpa dragged me into his garage to "help" him work on his truck and stuff. Something something "giving me valuable life skills," which wouldn't be so bad if I weren't the embodiment of being an indoors kid who would rather curl up around a book and only interact with nature through a window. And yet, I was expected to stand still, holding bits and pieces of metal in place, wrench nuts and bolts, and more or less be his chore monkey. I never fucking retained ANY of the skills he taught me, because he was a lousy fucking teacher who expected someone to "just get it" after showing someone once. Oh, and HEAVEN FORBID you do a task he assigns you in a way that doesn't fit HOW HE PERSONALLY DOES IT to a "t." So there I was spending the next four years of my life being forced to act as an assistant to a grumpy old man's machine shop projects that he was in no shape to be doing, and frequently yelled at to the point of crying on more than one occasion because he couldn't somehow fucking grasp THAT I WAS NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO KEEP A PIECE OF METAL LIFTED FOR MORE THAN A FUCKING MINUTE AT A TIME!!!!

Oh... the yelling. I glossed over it, I guess. The yelling was kinda the staple of my grandpa being pissed off. He never hit me, but given all the times he's left my ears ringing, I'd say it's a fair trade, wouldn't you? Because here's the thing about my grandfather; the fucker wouldn't take responsibility for a fire he set if you found him holding a box of matches and a tank of gasoline.

I wasn't allowed to get angry with my grandpa. If we ever had a fight, it was my fault. If something went wrong, I was the one who had screwed up. If I tried to confront him on when he's being an insensitive piece of crap, he goes "I don't want to hear it" and walked away. To him, an argument only exists if HE is the one engaging it, if HE is the one in control; I wasn't allowed to have an opinion to express if he couldn't dictate the flow of a conversation. If I brought up one of his screw ups, he would say "it didn't happen," and treated me like I was either making something up or dreaming, to the point I honestly doubted if I remembered right, because he was so utterly certain he couldn't be the one at fault. The standout incident in my memory is the time he had a fit of road rage because he thought someone was tailgating him; his response? Hit the brakes and let them get close, and CHUCKLE about it before speeding back up, because WHO CARES THAT HE HAD TWO OTHER PEOPLE IN THE CAR AND THAT THEY COULD HAVE GOTTEN HURT, HUH!? I was scared out of my fucking MIND, all because he had to get pissy and throw a fit in the middle of the fucking road!!! But whenever I fucking bring it up, he tries to change how it happened, or pretend that "he was just stopping for the stoplight" THE FUCK HE WAS!!

I have been infatilized by this man... for YEARS. If he had me do something on my own, he would come over and double-check it, nitpick at it until he found SOMETHING to complain about, and then would undo it and redo it himself. It was humiliating. A project that he had dragged me out of the house for, and after all the effort I put in... he just did it himself anyway. I felt like I was five again, like a little kid who couldn't be trusted at the big kid's table. It was so humiliating, and the only thing that kept me from crying at times was that there was nobody around to see him treat me like this, like I was a little kid instead of nearly a grown man.

When I was in Middle School, we were told to think about what we wanted to do with our lives. At the time, I wanted to be a video game developer. My grandpa's response to hearing about that? Complain and browbeat me into changing it because "every kid want's to do that." Literally NONE of my classmates at the time wanted to be that. Then again, my grandpa has never once hid the fact about what he considers "real work," and programming sure as hell ain't it. He made me ashamed of what I wanted to do with my life, until I lost all motivation to keep going.

I can't even count the number of times me and him fought and I started crying because of how small and alone he made me, and his only response was to "quit my fucking bawling." Because real men don't cry! Real men suck it up, buttercup, and keep it all buried inside, because that's how you get thing's DONE, you see. He shamed me for having emotions, for not conforming to the impossible standards he set for me.

My grandfather was also a bit of a prude; to him, it didn't fucking matter that I was a hormonal teenager going through puberty, I had to adhere to HIS standards of what constituted proper behavior. Always. He made me hate my body, yelled at me for self-exploration, and treated me like I was a disgusting THING he had to put up with having in his house whenever my self-control slipped.

Then there's the fat shaming. Which is really fucking rich, given that the man has a gut big enough you could fit a basketball in it, but what can you do? "Do as I say, not as I do," fucking hypocrite. It... it would be ONE thing if he just yelled at me to exercise more. But no. He doesn't do that. He needles me. He hems and haws. He asks "how's that jogging going?" He makes comments about me exercising more, or commenting on how much I'm eating, even when he's packing away two or three plates.

This has been my entire life. A never-ending slog through pushing my way past my grandpa's emotional abuse, and trying to keep one foot in front of the other, desperately looking for a way out. I don't hate him entirely. But I will NEVER forgive him for how he treated me.

I love Chloe as a character, because I see myself at my lowest in her. When I see her questioning why Audrey doesn't love her, I'm reminded of the times I asked myself what I did wrong while my grandpa refused to answer instead of just repeatedly yelling at me. When she confesses how useless she feels, it's like I'm looking at myself slogging through high school, asking myself what the fuck am I doing with my life. Every last scrap of desire for validation, for approval, for wanting people close but shoving them at arm's length... it's like looking at a mirror composed of my worst moments. When I see her, I see every little moment of failing to live up to impossible expectations without even being aware of the criteria that I've had to endure, and can see that she's endured in how Audrey demeans her. To me, the writers insisting she's "irredeemable" disgusts me; it's a mockery of everything I've been through, of saying that every time I couldn't be what my grandfather wanted me to be, every time I screwed up at school or got into a fight with a teacher because I was so overwhelmed that all I could do was lash out and hoped that everything would be better... that I was just this evil little monster who wasn't grateful for being taken in by someone who didn't HAVE TO. As if being given the absolute bare minimum of human decency is some kind of justification for being insulted, belittled, and screamed at until I was left curled up, ears covered, hoping that the scary things in life would leave me alone, because "sitting there and taking it" was the only thing my Grandfather would let me do when he was angry. I'm not just angry with how the show treats Chloe, how it uplifts Andre while ignoring his failures as a parent and just ignoring every way that Audrey's impossible expectations and abusive behavior have shaped Chloe as a person... I'm hurt. I felt betrayed. Like this character who I sympathize with, EMPATHIZE with, so strongly, was told "no, you are not ever allowed to grow," and being the only one held accountable for all the shitty things surrounding her... it was like a knife to the heart. I can't speak for anyone else... but when Thomas decided that turning an abused teenage girl into a demonized monster over the abusive father of the male protagonist and the rich brat who routinely hurts people just because he can... I lost any ability to respect him.

One question regarding my upcoming review

I'm making good progress on my review of the Season 5 finale, but there's one aspect about it that I want some more information on.

Much like with my "Qilin" review, where I asked my followers for their perspectives on police brutality and racial profiling, I was wondering if there were any followers of this blog who would be willing to share their experience with child abuse or neglectful parents.

Because the season finale will have a scene that will make me look back on earlier episodes with scenes of child abuse in regards to Adrien, Kagami, Chloe, and Felix, I want to get an idea of what ways the show missed the mark when it came to depicting the subject.

This is far from mandatory, but if anyone is able to share their experiences, I would greatly appreciate it, and I will be sure to credit you in the review proper.

[the-passenger-if]

one of my favorite angst tropes is someone breaking up with their partner in order to keep them safe! how would the ros handle this if newman did this to them? (also, would any of the ro’s break up with newman to keep them safe?)

combining it with

How would the ROs react to Newman who just texts them out of nowhere and the message just say "I love you always bye sorry" as if Newman was in a hurry and no matter how hard they try to contact them, no one picks up.

also

some angST!! How would the ROs react to Newman breaking up with them after being together for a looooong time?

and

ROs reaction to Newman wanting to break up with them after a while of being together?

Jonny and Horizon would break up with Newman to keep them safe. Fiama knows she can keep both of them safe, and Roach will do their best but if they have to die then they will die together xD

Combining Newman just up and disappears one day with Newman breaks up with RO after being together for a long time.

Long angsty scenarios under the cut.

“Mommy… kisses me… on the… cheek. Cheek. Cheek, Bruno. Listen, cheeeek. That’s chek.”

Bruno mutters the word ‘cheek’ under his breath a few times before adding another ‘e’ just on top of the first one.

“No,” Fiama tells him. “Erase the word and rewrite it. Well this time.”

Her son scowls but he does as he’s told. His round eyes slip away from the exercise book to the front door and stay there.

“Bruno,” she calls him. “Bruno.” He looks at her, and she knows. She just knows what he’s thinking about. Who he’s thinking about. “Cheek.” She points at the book.

He writes down the word very slowly and forcefully on the page. She still can read the wrong word under it, but she decides to let it go.

“The chick eats corn,” Fiama continues, “The… chick… Chick, Bruno.”

He bites his lower lip, staring at her.

“Remember the chicks? Grandpa took you to see them…”

Bruno mutters ‘chick’ under his breath a couple of times, then his eyes go to the front door again.

“Bruno,” and she doesn’t want to lose her patience like this, but she’s tired and she wants to… she doesn’t know what she wants to do yet, but doing homework in the living room with a very distracted Bruno isn’t it.

Her boy scowls at her, pencil shaking in a tiny angry fist. He opens his mouth to retort when someone knocks on the door. His eyes widen, the scowl vanishes. He jumps off the chair, homework and pencil and Fiama completely forgotten.

“Bruno!” she calls out, but he’s already dashing to the door and yanking it open.

“Oh! Hi there, rabbit,” Fiama’s mother says.

“No!” Bruno replies trying to close the door again.

That’s when Fiama stands up and grabs him by the arm. “Don’t you shut the door in your grandma’s face!”

“Don’t you grab him like that!” her mother yells at her, and she lets go of Bruno as if he was a hot iron.

“Why are you here?” Bruno screams at Fiama’s mother. “I wanted it to be them!”

“Bruno!” Fiama scolds.

“No!” her boy yells at her. “This is your fault! You did this!” Then he’s running off to his room, slamming the door behind him.

Fiama isn’t the type to care about metaphors, but right now she completely understands what people mean when they say 'it felt like a bucket of cold water'.

The one that breaks the silence is her mother. “Well, didn’t I tell you this would happen?”

“Not now, mom.” Fiama grits out.

“Let us hope it doesn’t affect Bruno too much…”

“I said not now.” The glare she sends her mother’s way is enough for the woman to shake her head and turn away.

Fiama closes the door very carefully, and then rests her back against it, scowl set on the table where Bruno’s homework was left unfinished. A thought like a flash; the table toppling over, books and pencils, and the ceramic fruit basket flying in the air. It passes quickly. Fiama is taking slow deep breaths. She still remembers what happened the last time she let her emotions get the best of her. That familiar wave of shame and guilt washes over her as she remembers Bruno’s stunned silence when he found her sobbing in her room, sat in the midst of broken pieces of whatever she had lying about in there.

A single tear rolls down her cheek, one Fiama swiftly washes away. She promises herself this is the last she’ll ever waste on them.

---

There's one lonely cloud floating in the blue sky and Jonny's eyes have been following its snail-like march for the last ten minutes or so. His neck is starting to feel stiff but he doesn't shift his position; watching the lazy parade happening outside of his window has kept his mind in silence. Sweet, sweet silence.

It isn’t surprising that it doesn’t last. Somebody is knocking on his bedroom door and Jonny really doesn't have the energy for this. He closes his eyes shut, focuses on the inverted shadow cloud burned in his tired retina. The door clicks open and he keeps still on his bed, chest barely moving. It's childish, he knows this, but it's the only thing that seems to keep Joaquin and Lucia from asking how he's doing or commenting about his love life, or even worse, trying to give him advice.

The visitor lingers there where they stand for another moment, before closing the door again. Jonny thinks he’s been left alone to go back to what apparently has become his favorite hobby as of late, when he hears approaching footsteps.

“I know you’re awake.”

“Don’t tell me they called you,” he says in a drawl, opening his eyes and fixing them on the man sitting on the bed across from his. Quino has the same green eyes, straight nose, and wavy brown hair Jonny has, however, his twin chooses to wear it shorter and well out of his face. He is, after all, the good-looking one.

“They didn’t,” Quino assures him with a conciliatory smile. Jonny’s skepticism must be written all over his face because his brother crosses his heart and shrugs.

“Why are you here?” Jonny knows why, but he also knows Quino too well and his twin has never been the type to start awkward conversations unless Jonny opens that door for him first.

“Do I need a reason? Can’t I—?”

“They broke up with me,” Jonny cuts him off, “I’m feeling like shit, I just want to sleep until I forget I ever met them, but every time people ask about it I think about them, and every time they tell me ‘it will pass’, and that I’ll ‘find someone new’ I just want to jump in front of a car.” Quino doesn’t say anything, he just nods while picking at his nails. Jonny rolls on his back, stares at the ceiling. “I know I’m way too old to be acting like this, but I don’t know what else to do.”

“You aren’t too old to feel like shit, Jonny. You loved them, and they left you. It’s completely understandable.”

He presses his lips together. He did love them. He does love them still. Stupid, so stupid.

“If you want to cry—“

“Screw off.”

“Not in front of me, heaven forbid,” Quino says with mock horror, “but you should cry sometimes. Crying is good for you, you know?”

Maybe it is, Jonny guesses, but he might have cried himself dry the night Newman broke up with him over the phone. Over the fucking phone, of fucking course. He rubs at his dry eyes. He doesn’t want to think about that. “Yeah,” he mutters.

The silence stretches until Quino clears his throat. “So, do you want to know why I’m here or not?”

Jonny turns his head and then frowns at the tickets in his brother’s hand. He blinks twice, recognizing the iconic font printed on them at once. He sits up an instant later. “You’re shitting me.”

“No, I’m inviting you to see Metallica in Columbia.”

“Their last two albums suck,” Jonny says, yet he still takes the ticket from Quino’s hand.

“What doesn’t?” his twin asks with a laugh, and this time Jonny can feel himself smile.

---

One of the humans is awake. Shit. Roach thought they had at least another hour or two, now they’ll have to deal with them and their overfamiliarity and their hands and their faces.

The stub between their lips trembles and they realize it has gone out. They take it, frown at it and then flick it off. It flies in an arc, landing among its dozen of dead brothers. Roach knows at least ten of those are theirs—not that the parking lot of this dingy motel could look any worse by having more dead cigs lying about.

They look for their smokes in the denim jacket they are wearing—a gift from a trucker with a tendency to comment on people’s appearances and leave his jacket behind when going to the restroom—and almost drop the entire pack when the door at their left opens.

“Those things will kill you,” says the woman coming out of their shared motel room.

“Life is killing me,” Roach replies without missing a beat, but they don’t smile; she won’t see their face anyway, not when the sun has yet to come out, and the only lightbulb over their head suddenly burned out.

“Do you have another one?”

She comes to sit next to them on the bench and Roach doesn’t need light to see the deep crow's feet at the corner of her eyes and the dark circles under them. Their conquests always look immensely better under synthetic lighting, once outside, once they’ve used one another, it’s like the spell breaks.

Roach holds two cigs between their lips and lights them with practiced ease. They offer one to their broken Juliette. It’s the least they can do; they do remember biting her hard at some point in the middle of their sexcapade… or maybe they bit one of the others, they aren’t sure anymore.

She accepts it with a thanks and takes a long drag. She sighs out the smoke, peers at Roach as if she could somehow pierce through the shadows and take a good look at them. “You are young, darling,” she croaks out. “Way too young to be doing this shit.”

“Smoking?” Roach asks innocently. Words read out from a script, tone sweet, face immobile. The face of a ghost really, one that haunts and judges them.

The woman shakes her head and then points with her thumb at the room behind them. “I bet you aren’t even thirty yet.” She tilts her head at them, eyes narrowing and still trying to see. “Whatever happened to you… you can opt out. It isn’t easy, but you can move on, you can leave your old self behind. It’s never too late…” A coughing fit interrupts her fortune cookie monologue, and Roach is super ready to skedaddle now.

They stand up, rub their hands together. “Speaking of,” they exclaim with fake enthusiasm, “I should hit the road now. It was a pleasure, really,” they add just as if they were wrapping a 5-cents bow around used pair of socks. Here, happy birthday.

Roach jogs off before she can add anything else.

“Hag,” they mutter around their cigarette. They stop as they catch a glimpse of their reflection in the window of a stripped car. The face scowling at them is silently judging them for stealing it and then using it to lure in humans. “It’s poetic, ok?” Roach explains with a tense grin. “You fucked me over so this is my way to return the favor, pet.” The reflection doesn’t reply, but Roach doesn’t care. They don’t care. They never cared, actually. Who said they ever did?

---

Slow, deep breaths. Inhale, one… two… three… four. Exhale, one… two… three… four… five… six…

Horizon opens their eyes. They are crouched in front of the ceremonial pitcher. Looking down at their reflection in the water makes something like a thumb-size metal ball roll in the back of their skull. They wince in pain and lose whatever little balance they had before. Horizon doesn’t yelp when they fall back on their ass; the sudden waves of nausea coming up like lava inside a volcano could turn a bad situation into a nightmarish one at the flip of a hat.

“Ah,” they whine in a whisper, “if there truly is anything out there, up there, or around, please make it stop.” They run a hand down their face, suppress a fiery belch.

They blindly look for the pitcher and submerge their other hand in the cold water. Dominus Dove and Domina Basil would blanch in horror and anger, but right now, this is the best Horizon has felt since Velour dragged them out of bed, wrapped their robes around them, and pushed them into their office.

Running wet, cold fingers through their messy hair is the best feeling in the world, so they continue this little ritual for a while… and another while… and a little longer…

The door opens just a crack and Horizon’s gaze jumps to Velour’s so fast that the metal ball comes back with a vengeance. An arrow piercing their brain back to front.

“Ahh!”

“This isn’t happening,” Velour hisses as they slink into the room and close the door behind them. “Tell me this isn’t happening.”

“This isn’t happening,” Horizon mutters trying to smile through the pain. They open their eyes to find a very frowny, very serious Velour staring down at them. The smile slips off their face like a slug going down the drain. “I’m so sorry, Velour.”

“As you should,” they reply coldly, and Horizon wants to cry because there’s so much more to their tone than just scorn; they are truly disappointed and they have all the right to be.

“I’m a mess,” the words sound strained to Horizon’s ears, and they can feel new tears threatening to spill down their face again.

Velour’s jaw tightens before they crouch down shaking their head. “You are drunk,” they whisper in a mellow way. “And we can’t let anyone know that.”

“No, we can’t.”

“Alright, I’ll tell them you are indisposed. Wait here, and please, stop playing with the sacred water, Domini.”

Horizon can feel themself blushing in embarrassment, but they nod nonetheless and almost don’t wince when the metal ball ricochets around their skull.

Velour steps out of the room, their voice booming in the cabin, “Domini Horizon has fallen ill with a fever. Today’s prayers will be under my supervision.”

“Are they ok?” somebody asks.

“Yes, but they are very tired and would appreciate being left alone in their cabin. Any concerns or questions you have can be brought to me.”

Efficiently, they march into the office again. “Lean on me, Domini,” they instruct and Horizon does as they say. A few moments later, The Domini is back on their feet and being herded out of the office and through the cabin. They keep their head down, letting their hair cover their face.

“Poor Domini,” another person loud-whispers, “they are drenched in sweat.”

Next to them, Velour tenses up, but they don’t let their discomfort show in any other way.

Once in Horizon’s cabin, their assistant sits them on the bed and fetches them a glass of water.

“They aren’t worth any of this, Domini,” Velour says, and Horizon keeps still, lips barely touching the water. They look up at their assistant but say nothing. “That’s all I wanted to say, and that’s all I’ll say on the subject.”

Horizon puts down the glass on their lap, both hands holding it still. They lower their gaze before softly replying, “Noted.”

Velour makes to leave. They open the door before saying over their shoulder, “And stop drinking. If I come back to find you drunk again, I swear I’m leaving. For real this time.”

Horizon nods slowly, and doesn’t look up until Velour closes the door behind them. Once they are out, the Domini puts the glass down, next to the bed, carefully lies down, and lets the ugly sobs come gushing out of them like muddy water from a broken levee.

[casuallyimagining]

I don't want to be that tumblr writer that's always complaining about engagement, but y'all. why do I even have a tag list if only three of you are even going to bother to like the fic, let alone tell me your thoughts. and heaven forbid you reblog it to share it with others.

don't get me wrong. I'm glad that y'all are hitting the like button. I'm not so concerned with notes that only reblogs matter to me. but I get so discouraged from writing when I get so little interaction on my fics. hitting the like button on a fic tells me nothing. did you actually like it? are you saving it for later? I don't know! I can't tell!

interaction is such a huge part of writing for me. I write for myself, sure, but that doesn't sustain me. I could just sit here and come up with stories for myself. they could stay in my head. but having interaction from y'all encourages me to share my ideas. it makes me feel good to know that other people enjoy my work. and tbh, I haven't really felt like people actually enjoy my writing for some time now.

I think I might discontinue the tag list for Human. there are only a handful of people on it anyway, and most of them either didn't care enough to come back or they don't want to interact with the fic. which is fine. but I'm going going to waste my time continuing to tag people who don't care enough about the fic to even comment that they enjoyed it.

as of right now, I plan to let my queue run out. I wrote one extra LTC fic that will post after Human. but after that, I don't know what will happen. I don't know if I'll continue writing, or if I'll take a break, or if I'll stop entirely. I don't think anyone would miss my stuff if it were to go away, so... I guess we'll see what I feel like when the time comes.

[nad-zeta]

Mitsuhide- The Blind Date

Fandom: Ikesen

Pairings: Mitsuhide x Reader

Genre: Modern Au

Warning: Alcohol

Words: 1800+

Comments: Eeeeep, guess what time it is???? Whooop Whooop! //dances around ❤❤❤😳🥺🥺😳❤🌈 This week gonna be funnnnn!

.*:・’ﾟ:｡.*:ﾟ･’ﾟﾟ:。’ .*:・’ﾟ:｡.*:ﾟ･’ﾟﾟ:。’･ﾟ｡.*:・’ﾟ: ｡.*:・’ﾟ:｡.*:ﾟ･’ﾟﾟ

How in the high heavens did Mitsuhide allow this to happen. Had he truly lost his mind—gone entirely insane— or perhaps he had been drugged, yes, for there was no other logical explanation as to why on earth he would humour his friends so.

Sitting on the high stool at the bar, he checked his phone, 8:53— he would give her seven more minutes and then he was going to yeet out— that way, at least he could tell the other that he ‘tried’. After all, that was all he promised his friends— that he would show up—nothing more, nothing less.

Tracing his finger along the rim of the whiskey glass, Mitsuhide contemplated the events that transpired leading to this rather unfortunate present day.

All his friends were either dating or married—tragic really—and for some or other reason, they felt the need to pry into his personal life. “Don’t you want to share your life with someone,” the mother of the group started, which inevitably only caused the rest of the group to latch onto the idea and turn the once serious board meeting into a game of matchmaking. It certainly didn’t help that he agreed to a blind date willingly— well semi willingly, anything to get them off his back— adding a condition of his own, that the mouse would have to agree to it from her side without intervention from theirs.

He was confident she would refuse, from the words of friends, she certainly sounded like someone of likewise thinking— a fellow workaholic with no time for dating. But she — to his great surprise— accepted.

It made no sense to him. What made even less sense was why his friends thought the two would click, as personalities and hobbies certainly didn't seem to gell well— at least not in his mind.

Not that any of that mattered as time was ticking away, and she had one more minute to show up before he would call it a night.

A myriad of texts illuminated his phone, and Mitsuhide could only release a dejected sigh from the latest of messages plaguing the group chat. “Be nice and behave yourself,” the mother hen had said.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t,” came the instigation from Masamune, followed by an array of winking faces and smirk emojis. Now you can only imagine the chaos that unleashed upon the group chat with each member laying their own little egg and nugget of wisdom.

“M-Mitsu?” a soft unsure voice spoke up from beside him, tapping him gently on the shoulder.

Switching his phone off, he plastered a snek-like smile across his features before turning his sharp eyes onto the unfortunate little victim of his company.

“My, you must be the little mouse I’ve heard so much about," came the sly words from his mouth as he gestured for you to take a seat beside him.

With a slight smile shot his way, you took up residence on the tall barstool, “In the flesh,” came your cheeky voice as you shrugged off your jacket and placed both elbows on the table to rest your chin upon your hands.

“And you must be the detective?” you quipped back.

Mitsuhide smiled at that, eyes taking on a mischievous glint as he leaned in closer to drop his voice to a dangerous whisper, “of sorts,” he quickly looked behind him — to add to the suspicion— before returning his attention to you, “and you, my dear, have unfortunately been set up and caught in the foxes trap.”

He kept your gaze in all seriousness.

He was sure you had heard the rumours of his interrogation methods, being no secret at all in the little town you occupied, people, unfortunately, liked to gossip — and whether the rumours of his wicked ways of getting information out of suspects had been spread intentionally or not, people tend to move with caution around him. It was, unfortunately, the nature of his job, and as such, led him down this long lonely road.

You narrowed your eyes at the man, silence befalling the pair of you as you held his gaze before responding in an equally intimidating voice, “have you now, or is it you who has been caught in my trap.”

After another pause, you threw your head back in a burst of laughter without a care in the world. 'He seems fun,' you thought, shooting a wink in the direction of the bartender in thanks for the whiskey on the rocks. You picked up the crystal glass and swirled the liquid around before taking a long sip. It had been a long day, so much so that you almost wanted to stand the poor man up, yet you came anyway, if only for a stiff drink to ease the tension of the day.

“So, Mr fox detective, sir, what’s wrong with you that your friends felt the need to set you up on a blind date, and with me of all people! Do they hate you or something?" you asked, tilting your head to the side in curiosity.

In the dimly lit bar, you gave Mitsuhide a quick once over— he was handsome, in a dangerous, mysterious kind of way. He reminded you of a creature of myths— a kitsune— with his white hair and golden eyes accompanied by that razor-sharp smile. Perhaps that is why the rumours surrounding him were all so believable to the simpletons of the town who had nothing better to do than gossip— cause heaven forbid they do actual work for a change. Relatively speaking, you had not paid the gossip much mind. Instead, you were in the business of judging a book for yourself and not by what others rated it as.

“I could ask the same of you, little one?” he returned the question back to you, resting his chin on his hands.

“Well, to put it simply, my friends don’t know the difference between being alone and being lonely,” you said with a sigh, taking another sip of the drink in front of you.

Mitsuhide nodded in response, long fingers tracing over his glass thoughtfully with a hum of acknowledgement as you continued. “I knew if I refused to come tonight, they would just pester me until I agreed, so, in the name of some peace and quiet, here I am,” you ended off with a laugh and shake of the head.

Perhaps that was not entirely true; sometimes, you wondered what it would be like to find love— to have company to attend the various friend’s weddings with— after all, you were forever the bridesmaid and never the bride.

On the other hand, he knew the struggles of meddling friends all too well, and of course, the endless headache that accompanied the refusal of their ‘help’. He lifted his glass towards you, features softening as eyes crinkled at the seams in a semi genuine smile, “to meddlesome friends.”

You smiled brightly at that, clinking your glass with his as a comfortable silence befell the two of you—it looks like you had more in common than just your workaholic ways.

After a couple of minutes had passed, both your phones lit up at the same time, with an array of nosy friends asking about the ongoing date. And the two of you couldn’t help but burst into laughter and shake your heads in unison, “Unbelievable,” you spoke, taking another sip, an idea forming in your head to get them off your case for a little while longer.

Mitsuhide raised a curious brow at you as you silently lifted your phone, scrolling between the apps before landing on the camera. You shot him a mischievous smile before throwing your arm around his shoulder to pull him closer to you, “What do you think they would say if we sent a selfie,” you said, looking into the camera smiling brightly as finger spammed the little circle capturing a dozen or so photos before Mitsuhide even had time to rebuff. You never did mind creating a bit of chaos, and what better way to do so than, god forbid, you actually hit it off with the man.

“I wonder,” was all he said with a sly smile, and to your surprise, Mitsuhide actually smiled in a handful of the ones captured.

You quickly edited the picture, posting it onto the group with a cheeky caption; however, before locking your phone once more, something in the image caught your attention—a little sticker on Mitsuhide’s trench coat lapel. Your brows furrowed as you zoomed in to inspect it before they lifted to the man beside you, to see it in person. With a curious smile and finger pointed out to the little fox sticker, you couldn’t help but ask, “What’s with the little fox?”

“It’s a long story, my dear,” he said with an air of mystery, but you persisted, leaning closer to get a better look.

“Well, I have time,” the words fell from your mouth, followed by another round of drinks ordered.

“You truly wish to know, little one?” he replied with glowing eyes. And that was the beginning of the end.

The origin story of the fox sticker led to another, that, then led to another and then another. Until a fun game started between the two of you— a story for a story— each new tale accompanied by a new round of drinks ordered.

It was now your turn to tell yet another exciting story, this time about your childhood of all things, however, time had quickly slipped away, and before you knew it, your eyelids started to grow heavy with sleep, words coming out slower and slower until finally your head fell and landed on Mistuhised shoulder.

“My, my little one, you should not let your guard down so easily with a man like me,” the tender words were spoken; it was one of those rare occasions Mitsihide dropped his foxlike mask and wore a genuine smile.

He looked over to see you sound asleep, and it seemed that his fingers moved to their own accord, reaching up to twirl a strand of your hair between his fingertips. After a moment or two, he shrugged off his trench coat and draped it over your shoulders to keep you warm and protected from the cold night’s chill.

“Come along, little mouse; I believe it is time for sleepy mice to go to bed.”

He then proceeded to gently hook his arm around your legs and waist, picking you up bridal style and cradling you to his chest.

“You truly are a troublesome little one, whatever shall I do with you,” he spoke fondly as he carefully loaded you into the passenger seat of his car before securing the seatbelt around you, while you, completely unstirred, remained fast asleep.

You awoke the next day in your own bed, splitting headache nagging at your temples as unfocused gaze locked onto a glass of water and aspirin left by your bedside. Sitting up, you wasted no time taking the hangover cure, memories of the previous night flooding your head.

“Shit shit shit shit,” you curse under your breath, throwing yourself back and covering your head with a pillow— how very uncool of you to just pass out in front of a stranger like that, never mind how unsafe.

Your phone buzzed on the bedside table beside you, cutting your groans of embarrassment and cringe short, replacing it instead with a broad smile upon reading the text from your mysterious date.

[thorne1435]

FUN FACT! ACTUALLY! Little story I'm quite fond of telling:

I actually did say yes one time! And they didn't do anything!!

I was like "Yeah, I'm having homicidal thoughts." and they were like "We are calling the cops on you, child. They are going to take you to a hospital." BITCH!?!??! Why?? Would you do that???

So I waited for the cops to show up at this clinic so I could go to the hospital, and then he got there and he was like "Wanna ride in the cop car?" as if that isn't one of the most horrifying questions you could ask someone, and then I was like "Not really" and he only then revealed what he actually fucking meant. I could either go to the hospital with my mom and have him follow me to make sure we got there, or I could go to the hospital as if I had been arrested. I vaguely recall him saying that he would've handcuffed me if I had said yes to the cop-car. So that's...a whole thing to unpack.

Regardless, he tailed me to the hospital and then we checked in and it was early COVID times so it was really slow. I had to tell everyone that I wanted to kill my stepmom and that I didn't know what to do about it. They forced me to change out of my clothes and into a hospital gown and grippy socks, like they would for any, y'know, physical health patient which I was not. My mom and I watched Star Wars Rebels for a long fucking time, and at that point? I just wanted to go home. I felt like a monster, I felt like I was faking my mental illness, I felt like I was being an inconvenience to my mother, I felt like a threat to everyone in my life (which has never gone away, for the record. To this day, I feel like I should isolate myself for the rest of my life whenever I get mad at people I care about.), and...yeah. I just wished I hadn't said anything at all, and I wanted to go to bed.

So anyway, hours later they hook me up with this therapist that I don't know, expecting me to confide in her, which in all fairness is a thing that I would do, and tried to do, but by the time I got to talk to her it was like midnight, and she clearly wanted to be done with the workday because she was wearing a sour face the entire time, and all of her advice amounted to "Oh, don't do that!" and she clearly just didn't think that I was actually experiencing homicidal ideation. Which, I hate to tell ya this, is bad! If I had fewer friends, or heaven forbid this had been their response to suicidal ideation I...would probably be dead. Or in jail for life.

Also--you probably guessed by now based on that little sad bit earlier--your response to homicidal ideation, at least based on my experience, probably is your response to suicidal ideation. Because wanting to kill someone and knowing that that's wrong often makes one wonder what must be fundamentally incorrect about theirself. And if you think that you are fundamentally flawed, you might consider getting rid of yourself. I certainly did. And, sometimes I still do.

I feel like this is a good time to tell you, I was like 17, maybe 18 years old? Just an important little tidbit to remember...

So, the hospital offered to give me an overnight stay in the psych ward if I was even just a little worried that I would end up hurting someone and like. I was worried. Horribly! I was in no way certain that I would not end up hurting myself or someone else, and...I still ended up going home (after a bajillion hours, it was like 3 am when I got home) just because I didn't really know if they were going to give me anything. Another pat on the head, maybe? That didn't do anything to quell my homicidal thoughts, or the shame and guilt of having them in the first place. So like...why bother getting another?

Anyway, after this, I ended up grappling with homicidal ideation for like a year or two (it still comes and goes, actually) and...I just kinda learned to lie on the questionnaire. This had been the first and the last time that I hadn't. It was ultimately my friends (and myself) who "fixed it." But like, that wasn't really their responsibility. That was the responsibility of me and the healthcare system and they failed to fulfill that duty adequately.

Fun story, right?

I kept the grippy socks that they gave me to remind myself that the mental healthcare system is deeply flawed and dangerously so.

This is an important story to tell, in my opinion. I encourage you to reblog this. If not in hope that someone important enough might take notice and try to fix it, than at least so that people know what they're getting into when they try to get help.

Why the fuck do therapists/doctors ask me if I'm having suicidal/homicidal thoughts anyway?

Bitch, what am I gonna do? Say yes? Get detained? Fuck you.

[laddieseddiemunster]

Salutations :) I just found your page and it’s amazing! I was wondering how you’d think the lost boys would react to a vegetarian s/o? I’ve always wondered what cross road that would be like cause as much as I’d love to be a vampire (who wouldn’t?) I don’t know if I could bring myself to actually hurt someone? Even if I was starving lol

Thank you very much! This is a very interesting concept because it seems like the boys are able to eat human food if they wanted to, so they either alternate or they just had the Chinese food to seem human towards Michael. I feel like it probably was a struggle for the boys at first, but they got used to it. I’m doing this separately because I feel like they’d all act differently. I also did a vampire reader, so I guess they had their first kill but hated the feeling of taking innocents lives away so they went vegan vamp.

Hope you enjoy!

The Lost Boys x Vegetarian!Vampire!Reader

David

David would definitely be pretty surprised when you told him. To him, being able to feed is like heaven, so he couldn’t understand why you didn’t feel the same way he felt. It’d take some explaining on your part to make him understand. When you explained to him that you didn’t like hurting people, David kinda thought you were joking.

To David, killing innocent people doesn’t affect him at all. He treats it as something he has to do, and he’s gotten used to it. He doesn’t remember the last time he felt guilty for slaughtering one of his victims. When he first turned he was a little scared to make his first kill, but is David gonna admit to that? Of course not. He understands where you’re coming from, but what he doesn’t understand is why you completely refuse to kill again.

According to David, killing and being able to drink from a human is one of the best feelings he’s ever felt. For you to feel the complete opposite and be a vampire like he is, it’s a huge shock for him. Knowing David, he’d probably argue with you about it. He’s hella stubborn, and practically refuses to understand your point of view. Eventually, he sort of starts to understand.

It kind of magically clicked into his brain one day. David realized that you not only cared about his or your feelings, but you also cared about other people’s feelings. You could never hurt somebody, even if you didn’t know them. David wasn’t like that. He could kill someone and not care about it the next day. David felt pretty bad for arguing with you over the whole situation. He definitely wouldn’t pressure you to kill, or even get upset with you over it anymore.

Once David completely understood why you didn’t kill, blood would never be addressed again. He’d completely get rid of the bottle with his blood, so you wouldn’t be reminded of it. Every time David would go out to feed he’d clean himself off of all the leftover blood before coming home to you. The last thing he’d want is to smell like human remains while he’s around you. Any conversation about killing would be completely shut down by David. If it made you uncomfortable, then god forbid one of the boys from bringing it up. There’s no way David would change his eating habits. He’ll change some of his regular actions to make you feel comfortable, but there’s no way he’ll stop feeding on humans.

Dwayne

Dwayne was a little taken aback when you told him, but in a way he understood. When he turned he couldn’t imagine killing other people in order to survive. But it’s something he does every day now, and he wouldn’t go back and change it. He’s gotten used to it, and he enjoys the feeling he gets when he’s feeding. When you explained to Dwayne that you felt the exact opposite, he was at a loss for words at first.

Killing innocent people isn’t exactly a concern for Dwayne. The only living humans he refuses to kill are children. They’re lives have just started, and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he killed a kid. Other than that, Dwayne doesn’t really care about his victim’s feelings when he’s ripping them apart. To Dwayne, it’s just a meal. He has to eat to survive, so he’s gotta do what he’s gotta do.

Dwayne did not know what to say when you told him. He just kind of went “oh.” He understood that a first time vampire would have trouble making kills, but you weren’t a first time vampire, you flat out refused to kill anyone. Dwayne would never pressure you to kill anyone, but he’d definitely wanna know why you were a vegetarian vampire. The only other vampires he knew were the boys and Max, and they definitely would never give up feeding off of humans.

When you explained the reason why you were a vegetarian vampire to Dwayne, his heart kinda melted. You were considered an evil killer, yet you denied the tradition because you cared for other people. Just that explanation made Dwayne consider you his innocent baby. It sorta made him wish he never became a vampire. You were willing to change your whole eating habits because you couldn’t take someone else’s life away. Dwayne had been doing it for decades, and it’s too late for him to quit.

Since Dwayne knew you weren’t any normal vampire, he didn’t want to do anything to make you feel uncomfortable or uneasy. Dwayne made sure to never talk about feeding around you, and he made sure none of the boys would bring it up either. He’d always make sure to go and feed either before he saw you, or when you were asleep (although that’s a little risky because you go to sleep right before the sun comes out). Dwayne would treat it as something normal, and he definitely wouldn’t pressure you to start feeding. If this made you happier, than Dwayne was happy.

Paul

Paul didn’t really understand when you told him. You were a vampire. How could you not like feeding? Paul thought feeding was great. He loves being a vampire, but you didn’t feel the same. Paul would be pretty confused. He doesn’t understand why you refuse to kill. Paul knows that every time he feeds he’s taking someone’s life, but that’s what comes with being a vampire. He doesn’t remember the last time he was scared to make a kill.

Paul still wouldn’t completely get it even after you explain it to him a couple times. He just thought you had just turned, and were scared to make your first kill. But, boy, he was wrong. You were full, and you were a vegetarian vampire. When you told Paul that he was like “huh?” He didn’t even know a vampire could be vegetarian. He didn’t understand that you were telling him the truth. He kinda thought you were making the whole being vegetarian thing up because you were scared to make a kill.

When Paul finally realized that you were telling the truth, he tried to explain to you that killing someone wasn’t that big of a deal. He explained to you that it can be scary for the first couple kills, but you’ll get used to it after a while. Since you kept trying to explain why you refused, the whole thing turned into an argument. Paul didn’t mean for that, he just didn’t understand that you weren’t refusing to kill because you were scared, you refused because you cared about human life.

It did click into Paul’s brain once he saw you getting flustered after explaining yourself over and over. He felt bad when he realized that you were not afraid, you just cared for others. Paul hates arguing with you especially when it’s because he didn’t understand your point. He quickly apologized and didn’t bring it up for the rest of the night. He did end up bringing it up again a couple days later because he wanted to know what exactly you ate instead of humans. Paul wanted to know all the information about it.

Paul definitely wouldn’t become a vegetarian vampire along with you, but he wouldn’t never talk about feeding around you ever again. He’d probably never bring up you being a vegetarian vampire again. As long as you were comfortable doing this, then Paul was fine with it. Paul would probably check on how you were feeling from time to time because he doesn’t know what not feeding could do to a vampire. Your body always felt fine, but that didn’t stop Paul from checking up on you.

Marko

Marko didn’t exactly understand what you meant when you told him that you weren’t a vampire that made kills. He definitely thought it was strange. Wouldn’t a vampire die if they didn’t feed off of humans? You were still alive, so obviously they wouldn’t die. When you explained why you didn’t kill, Marko just thought you were afraid to. The adrenaline Marko felt when he made kills was something he thought every vampire loved feeling. He was obviously wrong.

Marko didn’t exactly know how to treat the situation. He didn’t understand why you didn’t want to make kills, but he didn’t know how to ask without sounding like he was trying to argue with you. It ended up turning into an argument. Marko tried to understand, he really did, but he just couldn’t. He tried to reason with you by explaining that the feeling a vampire gets after making kills gets better after a while, but you still refused. Marko ended up apologizing because he didn’t want you to be mad at him forever.

The conversation ended up being brought up again by Marko. He loved you more than anything, but he still didn’t quite understand why you were a vampire that didn’t make kills. Marko loved to kill, even if that meant someone had to die in the end. He would never give that up in a million years, but you gave it up in a heartbeat. Marko started to understand when you told him that you didn’t like making other people suffer.

Just the fact that you hated the thought of hurting someone else made Marko realize how much different you two were. Marko felt pretty bad for trying to convince you that killing wasn’t all that bad. He knew that it was, but he’d been doing it for so long that he kind of forgot. Once Marko fully understand what you meant by being a vegetarian vampire, he was a little worried at first because he knew vampires weren’t made to eat regular food. You seemed to be okay, so he eventually stopped worrying.

There’s no way Marko would become a vegetarian vampire along with you, but he stopping bringing up feeding around you. If it made you uncomfortable, then there was no way Marko was gonna bring it up ever again. The only time he’d ever bring it up was when he absolutely had to. Like when he was about to go feed and he had no choice but to tell you where he was going. Other than that, it was never brought up. Marko treated you being a vegetarian as something normal. The last thing he’d want is for you to feel like you were weird or odd for not making kills.

[bloody-hearts-lane]

How the Slashers Would: Play Among Us

sorry it has taken me approximately a million years to start writing again! i hope the stuff i have in store might make up for it. but to kick it off, something a little bit goofy. c:

Amanda Young

rating: 9/10, upsettingly good.

she probably mains red or black.

amanda is a menace in this game. shes the kind of player that, no matter how good you or anyone else is, you can NEVER tell if she's the imposter or not.

she's just so good at hiding it! half the time, she absolutely carries her imposter team, and you never even know.

she always kills you last, though, if she has to kill you at all. so thats nice, i guess–

she really enjoys setting up games so every aspect can be exactly the way she wants it. she also prefers playing in one imposter games, because she thinks its more challenging that way.

Billy Loomis

rating: 8/10, so..... suspicious.

for SURE mains black.

he's the kind of player who can pull of the weirdest, most confusing series of kills. probably shockingly good at setting up and executing stack kills. how?? how does he do it so smoothly????

he's usually pretty okay at hiding that he's the imposter.

but he will loudly complain if he doesn't get imposter often enough for his liking. he will also get personally offended if you (or stu, or both) get imposter a lot in one game, and he doesn't.

when you get a round where the imposters are really bad, no matter what the reason could be, he critiques the hell out of them and complains about how they are no fun to play with.

he loves when the two of you are an imposter team. even better, on bigger maps, he loves when you, him, and stu are all imposters. it happens rarely, but its his favorite thing.

you know he's considering killing you when he gets weirdly quiet in the middle of a round. just stay away from the vents, you might be fine.

Stu Macher

rating: 7/10, very fun, very chaotic.

never has a main color. switches it up every round. he also likes to wear the pumpkin on his head, or the fried egg.

stu is a good talker, so a lot of the time, he manages to talk his way out of being voted off. you've even seen him manage to talk his way out of being voted off when someone saw him kill another player in front of them.

he's considerably more chaotic than billy, so his kills aren't as smooth, but he has an unnatural knack for knowing when people are alone and taking them out.

he brings a lot of energy to games.

even when you play with him, you make it your number one goal to never be alone with him in a room, just in case.

he assures you that he would never kill you!! (spoiler alert, he won't, until he cant get anyone else alone and he asks you to come watch him do a visual task, only to kill you and win the game. how rude, stu.)

Bo Sinclair

rating: 3/10, girl..... calm down.

feels like a dark blue main.

have you ever seen someone rage quit among us? you're about to!

has a bad habit of getting aggressive in chat, so people tend to vote him pretty quickly even if he isn't imposter.

he fully exits the game the second his poor little character gets shot into space, and then you get to hear about how stupid everyone is while he watches you play over your shoulder.

to be fair, he was usually correct about who the imposter was, so he is a LITTLE justified about being angry, but. homeboy has some Anger Issues and the rage is very real.

as the imposter, he's usually pretty good at not getting caught.... until someone asks what he's been doing or where he was, and he gets a little too defensive.

you can see it coming from a mile away, and if you don't want to hear about him losing for the next three hours, feel free to tell everyone he's been with you the whole time.

Brahms Heelshire

rating: 5/10, stop hiding!!!

mains dark green or dark blue.

dude. get out of the vents.

everytime he kills someone, he will immediately hide in the vents until someone reports the body and the next round starts.

the only time he breaks this pattern is if someone is standing directly over or in front of the vent, at which point he pops out to kill them and then pops right back in.

i mean it works??? i guess??? but come ON–

he has never killed you when he was the imposter, and he gets mopey if you kill him, so i advise against it.

whenever he isn't imposter, he follows you around for like 90% of the game, just watching you complete all your tasks before he even starts his. and he expects you to stay with him while he does his!

Carrie White

rating: 6/10 so pure. so good.

genuinely dislikes being the imposter. she isn't good at lying to people, so she always gets herself caught, and she usually ends up lowkey freaking out and either self reporting the body or not running away fast enough and getting caught.

mostly, when she's imposter, she will close doors and sabatoge things in the hopes that her partner will do the rest.

she usually mains white, and either has the little flower on her head or the the little sprout. gives off very sweet vibes.

as a crewmate, she is very dutiful in getting her tasks done. she always vouches for people, especially you, and will always volunteer to watch someone do a visual task. (sometimes you go with her just to make sure this doesn't backfire on her...... no murdering carrie on your watch).

she talks to everyone in chat too, both in the lobby, and in deadchat. she makes friends everywhere!

she may not be the best at the game, but she is sO fun to play with. just a good wholesome time.

Jason Vorhees

rating: 2/10....... he tried.

do NOT let him set up the game, he will make the walking speeds so slow.

but, okay, first of all, how did you get him to play??? how did you convince him to agree to this??? are we sure he knows whats going on-

i suppose it doesn't matter, he would probably do anything you asked him to do anyway, and if he thinks you would really have fun playing with him, then heaven forbid he say no!

either way, he is dead. silent. for the whole game. he doesn't even type in chat, except for the very occasional 'yes' or 'no.'

he would probably be the person who just said 'yes' if someone asked if he was the imposter.

he also doesn't have a main color, but mostly because he either doesn't know HOW to change it, or doesn't care enough to do it. if you ask him/do if for him, though, he would like either dark green or brown. (you could even give it the cute little hockey mask!)

The Lost Boys (+Star)

rating: 4/10, children please.

this is a group thing. if you convince one of them to play, then they're ALL playing. hell, you might even manage to convince Star to play.

paul is the single most untrustworthy player you have ever seen. even when he ISNT the imposter, his absolute buckwild energy just makes him seem so suspicious. he sabotages everything, and he probably seeks you out just to kill you first.

marko is probably a yellow main, and he always wears the weirdest shit available. he gives me the vibes of someone who would probably get lost a lot on the bigger maps or be the person who pretends he's lost so he has an alibi

dwayne is the one you have to watch out for. he's so good at faking you out, you never know if he's the imposter until he stabs you in the back. he won't even feel bad about it.

sidenote, dwayne lets laddie co-pilot when he plays. laddie makes the decisions, so if someone dies, it was probably not dwaynes choice. these are the rounds where you probably won't die right away.

star is a very casual player, super noncommittal. she is both good to have on your team, and awful, because she will absolutely turn on you and vote you out to save herself as a last resort. shes the only one who won't immediately seek you out to kill you.

when all of them are crewmates, its a hot mess. no one can communicate with them spamming chat, paul never does his tasks, dwayne camps on cams, and marko ABUSES the emergency call button.

The Man

rating: 8/10, actually really good???

he mains red, with the classic hockey mask.

he gets like.... a little too into planning shit. its just a game, its not that deep, pls sir–

but that makes him a very capable imposter, and hes soo good at keeping up the facade and talking with you like nothing is wrong, and before you know it, he's killed three people in the first round.

its really a toss up on whether or not he'll kill you at all in the game. if he does, he saves you til last.

there are times where he gets a little too heated if someone catches him or his teammate turns on him, and he will be fuming until the game ends and he gets to rant into chat. thats usually when you need to step in–

other than that, he's pretty chill about the whole thing. he likes to experiment with kills, like stack kills and taking advantage of glitches or hiding spots.

hes also a MASTER of sabatoge. he's so good at using those tools.

Vincent Sinclair

rating: 8/10, friendship > everything else.

likes to main white, which is interesting, because he is NOT the typical white main.

as an imposter, he's actually pretty good.

he seems like the kind of person to lead you away from everyone, and vent in front of you to let you know hes an imposter, and then ruthlessly kill everyone except for you.

most of the time he will just follow you around to make sure no one else kills you while you do your tasks.

a lot more talkative in chat than you might think, too.

catch him highkey shit talking people with you

hes also a good teammate to have as a crewmember; he always remembers where everyone was, who he passed, who was in a room with who, etc.

just very cool to play with in general.

[coracandy]

So. About that 6th wedding option.

Long post. Not sorry.

Trigger warning for #beemoovnegativity I guess. Probably throw that warning on everything I’ve posted since UL launched and everything I am likely to post for the foreseeable future because I hate beemoov. So much. I hate very nearly all of the writing choices that were made through LL, with everything surrounding Eric taking 2nd place on the worst story choices of the whole game list right behind the student falsely accuses their teacher of sexual assault plot. I just really hate cheating plots. I have also been obliquely accused of hating the Eric fans and I just want to clear up here and now that I only hate some of you. Most of you I am happy for. But man.. some of ya’ll have some utter garbage opinions and I’ve had a couple wine coolers today so I’m ready to no filter on all my own opinions about this whole mess. Click through if you want them.

Starting off.. Yeah, I said it would be funny if the wedding episode ended with Candy cheating on Eric and you know why I said that? Because if your Candy is with Eric in the first place it’s only because your Candy is a cheater. Canonically. In the real story of the real game. Not your fanfic version which we’ll get to in a bit, I promise, but in the actual game as it is actually written, if this is the path you chose then, canonically, your Candy is a cheater. She is selfish. She cares about no one and nothing but herself and what she wants in the moment. And, frankly, it seems like some of the players feel the same. I vividly recall many screen shot posts by Eric fans getting offended that their former love interests were angry about being cheated on. Citing that anger as justification for the cheating even. “This is how they react to the news? Ugh! I’m glad I cheated on them. They deserved it.” And that’s just.. reprehensible. Truly. Ya’ll remind me of beemoov, tbh. Treating someone’s anger at being stabbed in the back as a good enough reason to have stabbed them in the first place and an excuse to never have to apologize or even acknowledge the hurt.

So that’s Camp One of the Eric fans (probably the smallest camp tbh, but still very much one that exists) - the people who acknowledge the cheating aspect of the storyline but think it’s a good thing and yeah, I actually do just hate those people and their attitude. So to those people let me just say - 1) Monogamy isn’t sex negative. You’re ridiculous. 2) This storyline isn’t non-monogamous representation. It’s cheating. Those aren’t the same thing. 3)Betraying someone’s trust is always -always- a selfish, cruel, morally reprehensible thing to do. (And before anyone starts strawmanning at me about but what if that person was abusive - stop. That’s not what we’re talking about here, and you know it.)

So on to Camp Two of the Eric fans -  the drama addicts. The people that took the cheating route just because it was the first interesting thing to happen in the story in about 15 episodes. This is a camp I don’t hate but man oh man do I get frustrated by the way that all media and storytelling panders endlessly to them. This type of fan is the reason I can’t have nice things. The reason I can’t have a simply told story that builds to a narratively satisfying conclusion but instead get ass-pull twist endings that are exciting by dint of being unexpected but make no sense when you stop to think about them for five seconds. They’re the reason I get to be constantly frustrated by slow burn romances that last seven seasons and then end with the characters finally hooking up only for one of them to die two episodes later because happiness and contentment are boring. Heaven forbid a story ever slow down to focus on character development. If no one’s being killed, or cheated on, or getting pregnant without knowing which of three guys the father might be, or getting kidnapped, or diagnosed with a fatal disease, or lying to their best friend then there’s not even a story there. No tension. No drama. Why bother watching? Who wants to see characters being happy? I do. Please. For once. For more than a scene or two before something devastating happens to end it again. Just let me have nice things. For the most part this camp of players seems kinda meh about the idea of a wedding episode and would probably agree with me that Candy cheating on Eric during it would be funny. Feel like a lot of them meme on Eric as best LI because they like watching drama in the fandom as much as in the game. And I do genuinely hope they’re enjoying it while it unfolds. We have polar opposite tastes but I dream of someday living in a world where we can both have our own definition of nice things and both be happy.

And now on to Camp Three -  the people I think this wedding episode is mostly for. This is the camp I have nothing but sympathy for. These are the people who just genuinely liked the character. He simply clicked with them more than the other LIs, was closest to their idealized partner. So they ignore the way he was used in the story, headcanon away the cheating or write in their own version where the breakup happened before the sex scene, or the original LI was abusive, or maybe they were just never in another relationship through LL at all in their version of events. They just really like this character and want to have their Candy get a happy ending with him. And I have sympathy. I do. I would have loved for beemoov to give an option to end up with Eric without being dishonest. But they didn’t. That version of the story is just fanfiction. And it frustrates me when people get so invested in a fanfic version of a character or story that they start insisting the canon version is wrong and that people reacting to the canon version are misinterpreting it. I sympathize. I do. As a Lysander fangirl, I understand very well the emotional attachment one can develop to a character and story you mostly had to invent yourself because the source material never bothered to. But you can’t get offended at people being disappointed or even angry that the cheating route got a happy ending just because your personal fanfic version of the story didn’t include the cheating. The anger really isn’t being directed at you but at the canon story choices you probably also hated. I wish the story had been different for you. I really do. And hey, you all get the last laugh, in the end, as it seems the story is getting whitewashed or retconned or just generally is planning to ignore the ugly parts of what happened to give you the big white wedding of your dreams with your perfect man. And I’m happy for you. We should all have had that chance.

But we won’t. Because beemoov still doesn’t care about a lot of us. That’s where this anger mostly comes from. And it’s why I can’t agree, even slightly, with the people who are pointing to this decision and saying “Look! They’re listening to the players finally. Maybe things will get better.” Because they’re only listening to some players. Some of us have been begging to be heard for years now and they still won’t listen. And they never will. Much as I'd love to be wrong about that, I’m not wrong and you all know it. I’m happy for the people who are happy right now. But I’m warning y’all.. Don’t get comfortable. Don’t ever trust them. They’ll rip your heart out, tell you you should like it, and turn their backs on you forever while you bleed out. Don’t think it can’t happen again. It can, and knowing beemoov, it probably will.

[growling]

episode 11. i think 12 is the final one? so. huh. (holy fuck this turned out LONG)

STROPHAIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what's he doing :333

why is cunty music playing why is Strophaia making these bird mating displays in front of our dad. did I miss an episode

"hey"

"GET AWAY FROM THE FLUTE. BAD. BAD STROPHAIA. LEAVE IT. LEAVE IT. STOP PERCHING LIKE TH"

Strophaia silly momence. I don't even know what his deal is everyone hates him for some reason. he's just full of whimsy and wonder what is their fucking problem. this has the potential to age

Strophaia up arrow pose

ok bye dad I guess ksdsjdfha. is anybody gonna check up on that room

wait i hear a banger

Akuma Kun & Memphis Tennessee playing rock paper scissors <333333

oh he got sealed up. lmao. lol. truly full of horseplay and shenanigans this episode

he didn't even say Strophaia just "THAT fucking angel". enemy of the state

Akuma Kun don't care. *audibly starts crunching*

the what now

aww that's nice of you :333 at least now i know that the ellohim essaim is not for summing shit but for horn privileges and so i don't have to choke him out in my mind

"Strophaia has gotten stronger" cool is anybody gonna tell me who my silly parrot is even or do I have deduce it myself

Strophaia brand red portal sludge

"there must be a way to seal Strophaia's power away" don't you dare. let him have fun >:( god forbid he does anything :eyeroll emoji:

(Off topic but I don't think Strophaia knows what a gender is nor does he possess one. Strophaia is Strophaia he's a fucking angel he's from the angel dimension. what are you saying to him is that a threat)

soo. did they manage to get in there or is this a flashback

Aeshma???

..wait whats happening

I don't know if I should say awww. but awwww. they :) Strophaia & Akuma Kun/Ichiro/Aeshma(?) moment. i cannot hit unpause cause im too busy doing the happy hands thingy sorry you will wait

yeah let's release them :))))) and he's fondling his damn hair again. every time

besties. who even is Mephisto I forgot how his face already

Strophaia "great job superstar" voice. Aeshma/whateverthefuck looks rough as hell. not in a "every second of his existence is filled with pain and suffering" way but moreso in a "has not showered in two weeks and is currently in a...Place now" what even is this place. demon dimension. hell. or heaven. everywhere Strophaia is is heaven.

yoohoo. yippeee. he's so very polite. there is something wrong with him but he's v polite about it so you can't disagree with him.

awwwwwwwwwww <3333333333333 look at himmm

WHO RUINED THEIR FUN BONDING MOMENT. WAS THAT YOU SHINGO OR WHATEVER YOUR NAME WAS. GO AWAY. NASTY

"hand over the child" his child now. thats the rules. you are kidnapping him from his rightful guardian

"who the hell are you" YEAH that's right.....

cruelty. brutality. filth. evil. drop the ffucking flute you're stressing the bird out

YEAH one point to Strophaia!!!! I know he won't win this but. jsut let me believe for a moment. let me be...it's not hurting anyone...

he just doesn't get it :///// calmly explain it to him them like civilized people.... instead of stealing away his rightfully claimed child he found in a dumpster behind a Biedronka

BIG hand

Strophaia voice me and Aeshma. solid. as they comeee

Aeshma. Aeshma. Aeshma. Aeshma. why did I get emotional. look what youve done Akuma Kun the first and Mephistopheles the second nothing but hatred in my heart for you two scoundrels. also Aeshma if Strophi tells you to not touch then do NOT touch thaat

LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE. HOW DDDAREJFHDDFHDSJFDHD YOUU.

I support whatever Strophaia's doing that is his rightfully conquered human it's his official property NOT yours. Give him back let him save him Aeshma yearns to be saved by the cunty angel

im not even halfway in. wait. what the fuck

hotcakes. hotcakes. hotcakes. hotca

whos that count guy

alright back to the present :) i think :)

"dumb dad" sooooo trueeeee....

lots of cute moments after The Anguish

what has Strophaia ever done to you huh

"unless you take on a human form" are we gonna see it...

and he's molting again. this amount isn't healthy!!!

becoming a demon huh...

everybody being mean to Strophaia this night. and for WHAT. if he wants to destroy the physical world then that's his choice he was there first. lol. lmao

GUN????? AKUMA KUN GUN ARC??

oh who that

SATAN??? FROM THE BIBLE??? aww man his maid dress is gone... cowards.

meanie. lmao.

wait is she dead for real this time.

oh she's fine :) she needs to stop doing that

Akuma Kun LEARNS TO K I L L arc

I WAS JOKING I WAS JOKING I WAS JOKING IT WAS A JOKE A JOKE A JOKE

WHAT. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT. WH

Shingo I am so fucking sorry I should not have spoken about you that way

watching akuma kun. something wrong with him <3