#hearts in vain

[the-lady-firefly]

JonSa FanFic: Hearts in Vain Epilogue

Done! Whew!!!

I still can't believe it got completed while I am at Uni! But I had to- for the super nice people of the JonSa fandom - always enquiring about whether I meant to complete HIV or just asking about my day and life. Thanks, people. You guys know who you are, but even in general, this fandom has the nicest bunch of people I have met in the virtual world (methinks, it has something to do with the hate our ship and we all get ;) ).

Anyways, thank you thank you thank you so much for reading, liking, commenting on my crappy, typo-filled story. Not trying to be modest, but I have read basically everything in this fandom, so I know this was way below sub par according to JonSa fandom standards. But well, I always did it for fun and to show my love for JonSa and appreciation for the way Kit and Sophie make Jon and Sansa look on screen. So all in all, I'm good with it all.

I wish we all have more, better, smuttier, angstier, fluffier (and ok, some day canon) JonSa stories (and hopefully new visuals) always in our future. Happy shipping and reading :) <3

Epilogue

Jon got inside the heavy oak doors of Winterfell and immediately called out, “I’m back, sweet girl!”

 He shouldered the heavy doors shut behind him and dropped his keys on the crystal bowl over the formidable antique dresser with direwolves carved onto it. On his way to the spacious kitchen, he peeked into the big family room, but all he found were more direwolves crafted-furniture and no wife.

 Jon hurriedly entered the similarly empty kitchen and let the heavy bags of groceries down on the island while he called again, guiding his shouts in the direction of the staircase leading upto the second floor of their home, “San? Babe? Where you at?”

 More silence met him and suddenly a fear plaguing Jon more and more frequently in the last 6 months gripped him again and dropping the lemons he had been about to put in the fruit basket, Jon started running towards the staircase as he shouted loudly, “Sansaaa! Sweet-”

 “Don’t come in! Don’t come in! Don’t come in!” Sansa sounded panicked, but otherwise unharmed and Jon’s pace immediately slowed to a much-relaxed stroll as his face broke into a full-on grin that ended in a chuckle.

 “Why? Is one of your lovers still here- sprawled naked on our bed?” Jon’s voice was injected with seriousness.

 “Oh, no! No, no! The postman had come as soon as you left and he delivered the bills and two hefty doses of orgasms, bless his sexy ass. No, no, he left. It’s my fat ass that is hanging in the air like two giant pumpkins that have me barring your entrance to our bedroom right now, because one look at it and you’d never look at me the same!” Jon smirked at the flippancy in her voice. Sansa was so much better at this banter thingy than he was! Of course, out of the two of them, he was the one who was slightly more prone to jealousy and that affected his flippancy sometimes.

 Jon leaned on their closed bedroom door and whispered, “San? Come on, let me in? Let me see what’s wrong?” There was a brief silence and then rustle of clothing and then the door opened to show him the silk robe-clad figure of his almost 9 months’ pregnant gorgeous wife. Her face was pinched and her hair looked impossibly tangled and messy, but she still took his breath way with the way she glowed and the plumpness of her lips and her breasts and the ass she was badmouthing moments ago.

Jon followed her into the room slowly, taking his time to admire the sashay of said voluminous behind in the silk robe. As Sansa turned sideways to examine herself from the side on the full body mirror on one corner of their bedroom, Jon quickly scanned the area and assessed the situation. Scattered maternity clothes all around the room could only mean one thing; Sansa had finally gone through the last of her maternity attire as even they wouldn’t fit anymore and now was freaking out over it.

 Jon knew it was not Sansa’s vanity either. The last time she was pregnant, she had been barely 17 and according to her, she had hardly shown even during the later periods of her pregnancy. She had been a slight girl to begin with and her pregnancy with Alyssa hadn’t exactly been a booming one. But with their second one, she was bigger than ever with none less than twins in her belly and seemed to be growing by the minute… and also her balance was shot. She had half-slipped a few weeks ago in the shower and had been put on bed rest since then and Jon knew, Sansa was having difficulty dealing with such deviation from her expectations.

 “I’m sure something’s wrong, Jon, I’m telling you! I still have a few weeks to go and I’m as big as this house, I have a permanent bedhead, I have the body-balance of a drunk hippopotamus and my spine is killing me. I’m telling you it’s not supposed to be like this and don’t you listen to Dr. Luwin! I was sick when I was with Lyssie too, yet that was such a magical time! And this- Ugh!”

 While she had been going on, Jon silently picked up the strewn garments off their bed and off the floor and put them on the plush armchair by the window to put away later. Then he gently took Sansa’s hand and put more effort than he’d like to disclose to tug her towards the edge of their bed.  Once there, Sansa sat down by herself and Jon knew her ankles must be aching too. He grabbed his laptop from the bedside table.

 “Would you like to watch our wedding video again, Sweetling, while I give you a backrub? That always makes you feel better, right? Should I play it?” Sansa looked up at him with a sour face and stony eyes, but then after a few moments of kicking him with her eyes, she whimpered an ‘Ok’ and slumped her shoulders.

 Jon quickly played the video, kept the laptop propped in front of her and sitting behind her started his massage on her lower back where he knew she ached the most. By the time the video got to their vows, her head was resting back against his shoulder. Jon heard himself nervously stuttering through his vows on the beach in front of Daenerys’s house in Lys where he had first kissed Sansa after a separation of almost 10 years.

 “…this day for me is just to celebrate with my friends and family and our daughter what had always been in my heart. Sansa Stark, I love you and I always will. You have my heart… now more so than ever before. You are my home. And you’ve already given me the most precious gift of my life, our daughter, and so now it’s my turn to give…”

 Suddenly he felt Sansa’s lips running along the underside of his jaw and then she whispered, “You deserve to be adored, Jon Snow. You know that? Do I do that?” Jon didn’t answer and just lowered his lips to capture hers in a languorous, searching kiss. When he let her lips go to kiss her cheek, Sansa looked back at the video and gave out a laugh, “Thanks for wearing your bun that day and letting me shine! If you’ve had your gorgeous curls whipping about in the wind from the sea… no one would even care whether there was a wedding or not, let alone about the bride! People would just eat the cake and stare at you!!”

 Jon was now pressing warm kisses to the side of her neck and hummed against it, “Mmmm, I beg to differ. I would’ve cared very much whether the wedding happened or not. And, not everyone finds my curls as fascinating as you do, sweetling.” Sansa just laughed and tilted her head to give him better access to her neck.

 That had been a perfect day on the island 5 years ago, Sansa thought back as her back pains reduced to a tolerable level. Jon and she had taken things with themselves slow so as not to freak or confuse Alyssa about what it all meant for her. They shouldn’t have worried, as Alyssa sometimes seemed to have more sense than both of her parents. Even then Sansa had been glad they had taken the time when she had seen Alyssa gradually fall into the role of a doted-on-daughter with Jon.

 Sansa smiled as she remembered how excited Alyssa had been about their wedding, insisting there had to be a party. She had never been to a wedding party in her life up until she went to her parents’. That was the last time Sansa had been able to make her daughter wear a frock made out of tulle! Everything had been perfect that day. Sansa smiled as she heard Jon humming along against her cheek with the song coming from the laptop… the song he had sung for her with his guitar when the party had started to mellow out and the sun had begun setting.

You've been on my mind… I grow fonder every day Lose myself in time… Just thinking of your face God only knows why it's taken me… So long to let my doubts go You're the only one that I want

I don't know why I'm scared… I've been here before Every feeling, every word… I've imagined it all You'll never know if you never try… To forget your past and simply be mine

 Suddenly Jon pressed at a particularly tender part of her lower back and Sansa moaned aloud, “Mmmm, Jon you should be a professional masseuse or something!” Jon chuckled against her tangled hair, “Yeah, well, last week it was, ‘Jon you should be a chef’, before that ‘Jon you should be a singer’ and if I remember correctly, the day the girls threw you a baby shower, it was ‘Jon you should be a gigolo’! Lady, I think you’re getting a whole lot of world class services from me free-of-charge!”

 Sansa giggled happily in his arms and Jon’s world danced, “Well, I pay you in kind!” Grabbing his hands in her, she pressed kisses on his palms. Jon grinned, “Mmmmm, in kind it is, wife! And I can’t say I complain! Not one bit!” He chased Sansa’s wet giggles with his smirking lips.

 Sansa would’ve liked to make out a bit more as anything else was practically impossible in her current state, but Jon suddenly glanced at his wristwatch and leapt up off the bed. “Sansa, your lunch!”

 Sansa sighed as she let Jon pull her up to her feet so they could both descened the shallow steps to the downstairs of their home. Sansa knew she hadn’t been much help even though this wasn’t her first pregnancy. It was just that she didn’t remember that much details about her time while carrying Alyssa.  Jon had asked her all excited in the beginning what were in her diet during her Alyssa so that they could make sure to get those things for Sansa again. Her sheepish answer had been she just remembered throwing up all the time and sniffing on lemons all day. After a while, Jon had given up looking to her for directions and started going through baby books with a vengeance. One day he actually commented that they had been damn lucky and just hit the jackpot with Alyssa, but they’d have to be extra careful with the twins, otherwise Alyssa would end up being the all-time most sensible person in their family.

 Sansa had just looked at her gorgeous husband with a mock sardonic stare and appreciated what a beautiful world that man had created for her and their daughter when he had finally been granted the chance to do so.

 Jon and Sansa had both denied Daenerys’s persistent offers to send them to some romantic corner of the world to have a honeymoon while Alyssa was left behind. They had both been of the same opinion, their wedding hadn’t been the start of a marriage, it had been the start of a family… a proper start. And that meant none of them were leaving anyone behind anytime soon.

 But they were newlyweds and Sansa remembered those months immediately after their wedding in the little cottage by the sea with bittersweet amusements. They had both been aware that they shared the house with their pretty perceptive daughter and it had been so important to both of them that the relationship between Jon and Alyssa got off to a great start.

 In the end, they had been so paranoid about it, they ended up suppressing their desires when Alyssa was home. But when she was at school, it was game on for them. Each morning, Sansa would run back from helping with the Wilde boys’ breakfasts and Jon would rush back from dropping Alyssa off at school and they wouldn’t even talk to each other. Jon would start unbuttoning his shirt as he got off of his jeep and Sansa would start taking off her shoes and her shorts as she hurriedly climbed the steps to the cottage. They would tear at each other’s clothes, make a whole lot of noise just because they could and then make fast and slow and all the kinds in-between love to each other until Jon had to go pick Alyssa up from school.

 One such day, when Sansa had been lying on her stomach, trying to catch her breath, Jon had entangled her left hand with his own over her head and whispered in her ear, “Sansa, let’s go back home?” She hadn’t asked what he meant by home, neither had she questioned what had brought in on. She knew the answers to those questions herself. She had only been a bit scared of uprooting the newfound secure foothold she had found for her family, but then she had remembered she would never have to do it all alone again. She had squeezed Jon’s hand and he had squeezed back, kissing between her shoulder blades. They had moved back to Wintertown at the end of June that year.

 Alyssa and Daenerys had been most upset about the move, the latter refusing to speak to Jon or Sansa for weeks afterwards.

 Alyssa however changed her mind when people started recognizing her in the superstore or in the schoolyard. Apparently to some she looked like her grandmother Lyanna, to some she resembled her grandfather Ned and even some she reminded of her baby aunt Arya. Everyone knew her and everyone loved her, wanted to protect her. Some were either one of her grandfathers’ colleagues; some were her mom, dad or uncle Robb’s childhood friends. She had never been embraced by a whole community like that before and while she acted annoyed, Sansa knew her daughter enough to know how much she appreciated this feeling of belonging to something bigger than herself or her family.

 And then Alyssa had made friends with Eddie. Edrick Baratheon, son of Gendry Baratheon and grandson of Robert Baratheon who had been best friends with Sansa’s dad. From then on, Sansa hadn’t needed to worry about Alyssa adjusting in Wintertown.

 Sansa had tried hard to find all of the people that had been part of her childhood and her household back at Winterfell. She found Nan in an old rickety cottage at the outskirts of town. She had been the Stark children’s young governess. Now she wasn’t young anymore and when Jon consented Sansa asked Nan if she’d like to come live with them. When Nan had lamented she was useless and wouldonly bother Sansa, Sansa had told Nan to tell her scariest stories to Sansa’s daughter, she had joked ‘because that girl is afraid of nothing and needs some fear of the Gods to be put into her! And I don’t know who can do it better than you, Nan?’ Nan hadn’t refused after that and she had taken her duties too seriously; Alyssa ran to her mother or father each time Old Nan, as she called the lady, told her it was story time.

 And then Jon went and did it. He put his head together with Alyssa, with Sam and his computers, found out about the Child Psychology course at the Wintertown University, somehow pieced together enough credentials on Sansa’s behalf and surprised Sansa on their first anniversary with her acceptance letter to the program.

 Sansa had at first laughed at the idea, then outright rejected it, until both her daughter and husband had reminded her how good she had always been with children and how she had been saying lately she wanted to help women and children who suffered from domestic abuse.

 Sansa had known they were right of course, the last three times Jon had to fly to Meereen to smooth over some issues with the security branch of their organization, he had taken Alyssa and her with him. There Sansa had seen how much work Jon, Daenerys, Tyrion, Missandei- they all put into that combined mission, that goal of theirs. And Jon had of course seen her longing for such a goal in life. Therefore, after some persuasion by both him and their daughter, she had given in. The next four years had been hard on all of them due to the extreme stress and pressure on Sansa, but they had all managed with varying degrees of grace and love.

 Around that time, they had received news that Daeny was moving back to Meereen and surprise of surprises, moving in with Dario. To Sansa, Jon seemed happier about the fact that it left Missandei free to move in with Grey.

 Sansa had inherited Winterfell after she completed her first year back to school. Both she and Jon had been overjoyed when they had stepped inside the house; even the empty dusty corridors were like treasure troves of memories. Jon had proposed the idea of him remodeling and refurbishing the house, so they could make a home there, like her parents had. Sansa had cried with joy.

 Jon had spent a fortune that Daeny later assured Sansa he could afford to on rebuilding and refurbishing Winterfell. He also took the reins up at the home front so Sansa could concentrate on her studies. He had gleefully hijacked all the responsibilities of Alyssa, refusing to share any of them with Sansa, as if he was a single parent… like Sansa had been before. And then when Sansa would cry at night sometimes due to the stress of her studies and lament not being a good wife or mother, he’d just kiss her and tell her, “Hey, you had done it all alone for 10 years. I have you! Besides, we love Ally and we’ll die for her. That’s the best anyone can do. Don’t worry about anything else!”

 He had created this beautiful, loving world for Sansa and Alyssa in this home where Sansa was supposed to grow up, but didn’t. He had turned his own parent’s home into a studio where he taught self-defense classes to adults and children separately for a minimum fee. He took Alyssa for her fencing and jujitsu classes and then cooked for them.

 Sansa had worried about him though. He had some old school friends in Wintertown and he made new ones at his studio, he might have felt alone at Wintertown without his extended family… until Sam had moved up here.

 Jon had been beyond excited and looked for weeks for a suitable house for them and then had finally found one on their street that would be vacant at the end of the school year. Sam and Gilly moving in in a house on their street had been good news for Sansa too as she missed her island friends too.

 She had been so happy… until Ygritte had moved into Wintertown too.

 Jon’s friend Tormund had been the only one from the North that had been at their small private wedding. Who’d have known sparks had flown so bright that Tormund had clandestinely flown to Lys every few months? After a year of this, he had proposed and Ygritte had moved into Sansa’s hometown. Jon and Sansa had obviously attended Ygritte and Tormund’s courthouse wedding, with Sansa somehow ending up with babysitter duties for the night and then for their entire honeymoon.

 That huge fight Sansa had promised Jon about his ‘slew of tramps’ had taken place the day Ygritte had arrived at Wintertown and hugged Jon as if she’d never let him go. Jon had tried his best to stay silent while Sansa had raged and then try to make her understand, but in the end, he had ended up on the living room couch. That had been the first and last night though. The next morning, a bloodshot-eyed Sansa had thrown his pillow at his face while sobbingly swearing if Jon ever slept on the couch again instead of his place in their bed without resolving their fights first, Sansa would never let him touch her again. Before she had gotten further than that, Jon had taken her in his arms and had turned her sobs into moans.

 Last year when Sansa had graduated, Jon had jumped up and down on his feet with pride along with Alyssa and he had whistled loudly while clapping. He had told her numerous times since how proud he was of Sansa helping kids from broken and abusive families with her therapies and Sansa had replied each time that she couldn’t have done it if she didn’t have Jon’s loving arms to make her forget the horrors of the day from the stories she heard from patients.

 He even turned the west-most room in the house, which was her father’s study, an office room for her and Sansa started delivering her counseling and therapy services from that room only. Four months into the practice, her inflow of patients increased due to good word of mouth, and she found out she was carrying twins.

 Yes, they had made a good life here, Sansa thought, as Jon put their lunches on the table in front of her and then proceeded to tempt Sansa to eat by holding a spoonful to her lips. That’s when they heard the front door close and the unmistakable sound of a schoolbag being dropped on the floor.

~~~

Eddie always loved coming to Winterfell. He loved this house and the people who lived in it, some a bit more than others.

 He had been 11 when Alyssa Snow had come and started going to his school at his class. Class bully Mikey had found out she was a year younger than all of them and at lunch hour went to snatch her succulent looking Turkey sub. Eddie had never been brave, but that day he had stood in front Mikey and told him to leave the girl be.

 Mikey had punched Eddie’s nose so hard it had bled and Alyssa had punched Mikey to the floor and then glared at him till he burst into tears.

 Eddie and Alyssa had been best friends ever since.

 Eddie also liked Mr. and Mrs. Snow. As far as he knew, they were the coolest parents ever. That first day, Eddie had gotten off the bus with Alyssa so that he could tell her parents the note from the principal was his fault. Alyssa hadn’t seemed all that bothered and later Eddie had realized why. Her mother had sternly asked her to choose her own punishment as she believed Alyssa fully knew where and why she was wrong. Her father had asked her to show him how she had clenched her fist while punching and when she had, he had nodded his head in approval.

 Frankly, Eddie had decided right then and there he had to, had to befriend Alyssa. Later he had found out how truly lovely Alyssa also was.

 Now Eddie watched Alyssa joke around with her dad as he fixed lunch for both Alyssa and Eddie. Ever since Eddie had known her, she had been a Daddy’s girl, but not in a girly way. They did all the things that fathers and sons do together. Eddie knew for a fact that many a Dads in Wintertown would trade their sons for Alyssa in a heartbeat.

 And Alyssa and her father doted on Mrs. Snow. They were both very protective of her, Eddie had found out. Once Mr. and Mrs. Snow had been kissing amongst the audiences at a recital and one of the guys, a few years their senior, had made a very rude comment about Mrs. Snow’s appearance and why he believed not only Mr. Snow but every dad there only had eyes for Mrs. Snow. Alyssa had sprinkled itching powder on his backpack next day at school and then spilled her whole lunch tray on his lap during lunch hour while claiming defiantly she had slipped.

 Although Mr. and Mrs. Snow did do that an awful lot if Eddie was being honest. Kissing that is. If Mrs. Snow wasn’t busy with her studies, she’d always be snuggled next to Mr. Snow and he’d be kissing some or the other part of her. Eddie had seen his parents, and uncles and aunties and neighbors. The Snows were a bit too much about it all really. Especially considering they had a child of Alyssa’s age. With a daughter that age, they had no business behaving like newlyweds, much less become pregnant with twins, that’s what Eddie’s mum said.  

 Eddie looked at them now. Mrs. Snow didn’t like tomatoes anymore because the babies seemed to hate them, but she insisted salads tasted bland to her without tomato juices mingled in. So Mr. Snow had made the salad with tomatoes and now he was patiently picking and eating every single bit from Mrs. Snow’s plate while they were all having their lunches. And then just when he was about to get up for something, Mrs. Snow transferred the ice cubes from her lemonade to his glass and he immediately sat down, kissing her for longer than was appropriate in present company, and then noticed Eddie gawking and embarrassedly stuttered something to him about ‘she always knows just what I need’. Alyssa didn’t even bat an eyelash all through this and continued looking through her dad’s iPad.

 Eddie shook his head and vowed he would never act like a ‘crazy fool for a woman’ as his mum said Mr. Snow behaved. Suddenly he noticed Alyssa pushing her barely-eaten plate away and he knew she hadn’t enjoyed her lunch much. She was mighty picky with her food sometimes. As Alyssa eagerly reached for the scrumptious looking plate of salted caramel pudding Eddie had been salivating about since Mr. Snow had placed their respective slices before each of them, he surreptitiously pushed his own slice of pudding towards her and whispered persuasively, “Have mine too please. Hate pudding during the day.”

 ~~~

Jon had been working with Alyssa and Eddie in his crafts studio on the twins’ cribs when Sansa screamed for them to inform that her water had broken. Alyssa and Jon had run to her while Eddie had run down the street to grab Sam to drive the car to the hospital. All the way to the hospital, Jon felt as if he was going to die.

 Sansa only had her first contraction in the car. Even as she tried to fight it as Alyssa was in the car too, her excruciating expression made both Alyssa and Jon cling to her when the contraction subsided. Sansa just kept kissing Alyssa with a scared expression on her face and kept whimpering to Jon, “It’s too early, Jon… I still had ten days to go. Too early…”

 Jon thought the babies would never come out; the labor was three hours long. To him it seemed like Sansa had been in agony for an eternity. He rubbed her back, practiced breathing with her, fed her ice chips and marveled in his mind how on earth had she done it alone the last time. Each time the thought came to his mind, he just kissed her sweat-covered cheeks or temple or head, until Sansa shoved him away hard.

 When finally the doctors put his squirming, red son in his arms Jon felt like he would faint. The nurse gave him a scissor to cut the umbilical cord which instantly fell away from his nerveless fingers. He pressed his arm tighter to his body, in serious terror the teensy bundle would just slip out of his arm. Sansa beckoned him to her and he walked towards her in a daze. He saw Sansa beaming at the bloody mess in his arms that added wailing to his squirming and Sansa started buckling in pain again. Jon held her hand in his free hand hurriedly as she brought their second daughter in the world. The doctor put the second bloody mess in his arms and cut the cord himself this time, clearly deciding Jon was useless.

 Jon looked down at the feebly crying squiggly beings in his arms and tears started flowing out of his eyes. Granted, he was already a dad; but he had never been dad to one of these tiny little creatures. He had always been father to a walking, talking, fiercely independent, no-nonsense human being. These vulnerable, teensiest, delicate little persons generated such a violent urge to protect in him that Jon’s head reeled. His world tilted around him. He felt as huge as a giant and as tiny as an ant all at the same time.

 Sansa saw Jon crying with the babes in his arms and that was the most precious thing she had ever seen in her life. She beckoned a nurse towards her who was not assisting the doctor in stitching her up and whispered feebly through the unbelievable pain, “Grab one of the phones from the chair there. Will you get a picture of the three of them for me? Now! Before you take them for clean up.”

 Sansa felt each tug and poke of the stitching and felt herself losing consciousness, but she kept her eyes on Jon and her babies. She had wanted to see this so much all those years ago. Today she’ll look her fill… She just wished Lyssie was in the frame too.

 Jon watched Sansa’s eyes close as he saw her lips weakly mumble, “Lyssie… I want Lyssie.” A couple of nurses came to take the babies away from him and Jon hurried to Sansa’s side to press kisses to her forehead and cheeks.

 ~~~

 Sansa woke up suddenly and she could tell just by looking around it was the middle of the night. It had been hours since the twins came to the world. She had already fed them each thrice already and each time she had noticed something new about her babies that had brought tears to her eyes.

 Her boy had fine wisp of dark curls all over his head and muddy blue eyes that she suspected would turn darker and bluish-gray with time. He was a calm little thing, spooked by the littlest of noises and a plump pout to match his dad’s. Her girl had a fine patch of reddish-gold hair just on top her head, light-almost-white eyes, chubby pink cheeks and long fingers, which she had already used to scratch her mother’s chest while fussing during her feed. She was a fussy little thing too, frequently relinquishing her suckling of Sansa’s nipples and then instantly crying to complain about her hunger.

 Jon had been most perplexed trying to think of how to help his daughter while also attempting to put his son to sleep in his arms. Once when they had started crying at once, the nurse had suggested Sansa feed them together. Jon had helped her and held their son onto Sansa’s free nipple and after a while when they had all gotten the hang of it, Sansa and Jon had looked up at each other. Sansa’s eyes had watered promptly as that moment had been all she had wanted from life all along and Jon had leaned in to kiss her forehead and then keep his lips there till their youngest daughter had let out a cranky wail at the invasion of her private space.

 Sansa had fallen in and out of sleep between the feeds. In the meantime, Jon had changed diapers a few times after the nurses let him at his insistence and had introduced Alyssa to the twins outside the nursery.

 Now as Sansa woke up, she slowly looked around the room to see Jon tucking an afghan securely around Alyssa who was sleeping on the only sofa in the cabin. Sansa’s voice croaked as she spoke, “Put the chair by the sofa. Otherwise you know her… she’ll roll right off onto the floor.”

 Jon’s head sharply turned towards her before he nodded and did as he was told. Then he came towards her and gently brushed a hand over her hair, “Sorry I woke you up. Go back to sleep. There’s still plenty of time till the next feed.” Sansa held her lower body firmly fixed as she scooted a bit on the bed and tilted her head, “Lie with me?” Jon hesitated a bit and then shook his head as his hand caressed her cheek. Sansa insisted, “Jon! You need the rest too. Come on, I am not bleeding and the ache is totally dull now. I will be fine. Just be careful about your legs.” She tugged Jon by the hand for leverage and he reluctantly gave in.

 Jon carefully lowered himself on the small bed and Sansa wrapped her right arm around his shoulder and guided his head to her own shoulder. Jon gingerly let her and after several silent moments, she felt him relax and press a warm kiss to her neck, “They’re are so beautiful, San! So beautiful! I can’t believe- Thank you, sweet girl.”

 “I suppose I am wayyyy down your ‘sweet girl’ list now that I have more contenders for your affections!” Sansa teased him as she lightly began pulling at his curls in the clutches of her right hand. That always relaxed Jon and put him to sleep right away. She felt him chuckle and gently rub his lips on her shoulder before saying against it, “It all started with you, sweet girl and I love them more than dear life, but I start at you and I end at you.”

 Sansa remained quiet and let Jon’s words bask her in their glow for a few moments before she asked him with a smile, “So, what is her name?” They had decided at some point after finding out that they were having a boy and a girl that Jon would be naming their girl and Sansa their boy. But they had decided to disclose the names to each other after the birth as both had agreed they could only lock on a name after actually seeing the persons they were naming. Now seemed like the perfect time to name them, because Sansa had decided on what to call her fussy, bossy, scratchy, precious daughter.

 Jon remained silent for several moments although his hand gently feathered over Sansa’s forearm and then he pulled himself up and balanced himself with his elbow beside Sansa’s head and looked closely at her face to look for her reaction as he told her the name. “Cedric. It’s Northern and it means kind and loved.” “Like you!” Sansa pressed a hurried kiss to his lips and when she pulled back Jon was smiling. “We could call him Ced… Like people used to call your dad Ned? And I was thinking Eddard for his middle name.”

 Sansa’s face crumpled instantly and she cried her first few tears since the whole birthing process had been over. Jon kissed her red, burning nose. “Come on now, no crying. What is our little girl’s name?” Sansa gulped down her tears with difficulty and said in a choked voice, “Kiyara. Kiyara Lyanna Snow.” She felt Jon’s lips freeze over her nose before he brought them down to her lips in a gentle, profound kiss.

 After the kiss broke, Jon wiped his damp eyes on Sansa’s hospital gown, pressed a kissed to the top of her breast and laid his head down on her shoulder again as Sansa resumed her gentle hair pulling. Several minutes later, Jon mumbled as Sansa felt him slip away into the world of dreams, “Get some rest, sweet girl. Daeny, Missy and most of the troupe will land here tomorrow. As Daeny had frequently warned us, she might try to kidnap one or both of the twins. We’d both need our strengths.”

 Sansa just hummed in reply as Jon fell off to sleep. She felt her husband’s body breathing close to hers. Looked over at Alyssa sleeping peacefully on the sofa. Thought of her babies in the nursery. And Sansa wondered for the umpteenth time how did she manage to finally end up here.

 She almost sobbed as she thought about sixteen years old Sansa Stark for a second. That girl had walked through fire to be the woman Sansa Snow was today. All of them had really. Her Jon… Her Alyssa. They had all come so far… but the roads had been so difficult sometimes.

 But Sansa knew the secret to sustain the infernos and the broken roads now. It’s what she always advised her patients about. Five years ago, she had almost taken another wrong turn when she had let the bitterness of the past convince her to close her heart up in vain. Restrain her heart from loving Jon and from letting him love her again.

 And therein lied the secret.

 Sansa now constantly, firmly reminded her patients to keep their hearts open for love no matter how great their tragedies had been. Because she knew, if she hadn’t had her daughter to always remind her what it felt like to love or be loved, she’d never have come out of those 10 years of hell as a sane person. If she had believed for a moment she was unable to love or unworthy of love, Sansa knew she’d have plunged into a darkness no one could’ve saved her from.

 So now Sansa always reminded people to keep their heart open, to love and to be loved, no matter what they are going through. As long as people were capable of that, Sansa knew they could always find the light at the end of the tunnel. Like she did. Today there was so much light in her world, Sansa felt blinded by it.

 And no one illuminated her world more brightly than the man sleeping in her arms. Jon Snow. Her first love. Her young love. The boy a young girl had given her whole heart to so long ago. In a delirious moment before sleep claimed her, a small smile lifted the corners of Sansa’s mouth as she congratulated those two lovesick kids in her past of their present achievements, “Way to go, kids. Well done!”

 ~~~

[the-lady-firefly]

JonSa FanFic: Hearts in Vain: Chapter 3

Chapter 3

When it was time to get on the jeep to board off the ferry, Sansa had been quick to go and start climbing on the back. But nice, gentlemanly Sam had been adamant that the lady should sit in the front, his voice brooking no argument as he had cast a quick, respectful glance at the skirts of her peach-n-lime knee length floral dress. Jon had looked at her balefully when she had hesitated to climb on the passenger seat. That’s when Sansa had noticed the really long scar coming down the side of his right eye. It’s really not that glaring, almost seemed to be a part of his face and was only blatantly notable because he had pulled his hair back in a tight bun.

Sansa settled into the seat next to him, incredibly annoyed with herself for really wanting to know how he had gotten that scar. If one’s own heart and mind refused to cooperate with what was good for one’s well-being, than a girl really had no business being in this world. But despite chastising herself for being overly curious, she wanted to know whether that scar had happened before or after he had deserted the Night’s Watch for better prospects, and she really meant money when she thought prospects. But wherever he might have gathered that scar, he looked to be in one piece. He looked better than in one piece actually. He looked weathered, rough around the edges; but he still had that self-assured air of someone who knew his own place in the world. Obviously he hadn’t been dying in a warzone or bleeding away in a ditch somewhere as Sansa had feared for so many nights during Alyssa was still in her womb. And he most certainly hadn’t found himself alone, desolate, penniless, helpless and in a physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive marriage if Sam’s accounts of his life in the island with his family and friends were anything to go by. Well, Sansa amended her thoughts, she hadn’t really heard Sam mention anything about his marital status, physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive or otherwise, but discounting for that, she still thought Jon Snow had fared better than the fate he had plunged her into 9 years ago.

Although in all honesty, Sansa couldn’t bring herself to blame him for the fortune he had earned for himself. She admired that in a person, earning his own fortune. That was one of the things she remembered of her father, always telling Robb to be his own man, be self-made. She could also remember the long-faced, dark-haired teen that would more often than not occupy the seat next to Robb on those evenings. Sansa had always wanted to work and become her own woman, her father’s voice urging her in her mind. But Petyr had always been against it. That short course she had been taking when she had met Jon had been the first and last act of defiance Sansa had shown against Petyr. After Alyssa was a bit older, seeing how fiercely independent her daughter was, Sansa had seriously started looking in the newspaper for a job. But that had been shortly before Petyr started calling Alyssa a bastard and telling her that her mother was a slut who didn’t even know who her father was. His shrewd eyes had picked up far more of Jon Snow in Alyssa than Sansa or her Tully looks.

That had been when Sansa had actively tried to leave the marriage, able to suffer the abuses herself, but not willing to let her daughter suffer them.But as it turned out, you didn’t leave Petyr Baelish until he was willing to let you go. He had explained to her in that raspy, snake-y voice of his that despite what they both knew, to the world Alyssa was a Baelish and he was her father. If Sansa tried to leave him, without a doubt the family court would grant Alyssa’s custody to Petyr, the financially solvent parent. Petyr had assured her that he knew what he was talking about as he had many lawmaker friends as compared to Sansa who really had no friends. He had known that would be enough to put Sansa back in the palm of his hand. There was only one thing in the world that mattered anything to Sansa at all, and it was her precious daughter. Petyr had turned Alyssa into Sansa’s leash.

Sansa had done everything to shield the child from most of Petyr and Lysa’s abuses by taking her out to swimming and to the park after school. She had enrolled her in every little class Alyssa had wanted to take in (nothing remotely girly of course- fencing, judo, jujitsu), knowing Petyr would pay for them rather than let the town think he was a miser or a mean person not paying for his child’s expenses. Once back home, she would hurriedly ready Alyssa for the bed after completing her homework. The Eyrie being a humongous mansion had helped them both to become lost in it when they had wanted to. But still, gradually, Sansa had watched her daughter slowly leave the shells of a child and adapting herself to become quick to understand mood swings of people, read the environment and basically act like a grown up.

Sansa shook her head to cast away the memories and looked sideways out the window and took in Lys. It was picturesque. That was the only word for it. Beautiful blue water beckoned the eyes on the far horizon and the cobbled stone roads looked smooth and fairly newly built. She tuned in to the conversation happening mostly at the back of the jeep, but she was aware that Jon was also contributing to it from time to time. Sam was telling Alyssa about his hobbies apparently, “I try to garden. Daeny has built greenhouses to try to grow our own veggies and fruits here. But we’re not Dorne, you know? Things just don’t—grow the same way!” Frustration laced his voice as Jon suddenly chuckled and shot a teasing glance back at his friend, “No shit! That lettuce you grew, that you were so proud to show off.. Man! It was lame. Pathetic little thing looked like someone had beaten it in a fist fight!” Alyssa burst out laughing while Sam gave Jon a stink eye and Sansa watched with rounded eyes as Jon adjusted his rear-view mirror and winked at a gleeful Alyssa.

Sansa put aside her silent treatment for the moment to insert herself somehow in the situation, “Excuse me! You don’t think swearing’s inappropriate, and some might say even unacceptable, in the presence of a child?” Jon looked at her with confused eyes at the same time that Alyssa protested in a yell, “Not a child, Mum!” He asked with his brows furrowed, “Swearing?” Then it came to him, “Oh shit! Shit? ” And he swiftly glanced at Alyssa in the rear-view mirror again, “Don’t repeat that!” Alyssa blew her lips in a very crude way, “As if! Mum knows Brady in my class used to say far worse swearwords than that. Ask Mum if I have ever repeated them except for the times I first told her about them!” Then she leaned closer to Jon’s ear by craning her neck around his seat, her arms framing the back of the head-rest, and said in a loud whisper, “He wouldn’t even say shit! He used to call the pasta in the lunchroom bullcrap!” “Alyssa!” Both Sansa and Sam shouted, her voice horrified and his distorted with laughter. As she was glaring at Alyssa, she saw Jon purse his lips to stop his laughter from spilling out and then clearing his throat, he asked in a mock calm voice, “You definitely don’t swear then? Wouldn’t repeat what I said?” Alyssa shook her readily, vigorously. Jon half-looked at Sansa and said under his breath, “All settled then.”

Sansa could just shake her head disbelievingly at that and Sam tried to attract Alyssa’s attention away from swear words. “Oh, beware of the southern-east part of the coastline. Some Dothraki settlements have their seafood and butcher shops there. They also sell dried fish and meats. The stink could kill a man on the best of days.” Sansa knew her daughter enough to know what her reaction would be. “Stink? Cool! ” Alyssa crooned, “I can’t wait to visit the place! It must be packed with stray cats!” Sansa jumped at the sheer force of the laugh Jon huffed out at this and this time he kept on laughing, even wiping a couple times on the corner of his lips with his thumb to control himself, but unable to do so he kept on laughing. Sam muttered under his breath behind Sansa, “Who are you and what have you done with my mate Jon Snow?”

Sansa gave out a really long sigh, tuned out the people in the jeep and leaning her head on the seat, kept her eyes trained on the shoreline morosely.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sansa was really enthralled by the town of Lys as the jeep treaded more and more inwards the island. The entire city was turned towards the sun and the sea, blazing with rich colors of the blossoming gardens and hot roofs. Sam was explaining to Alyssa in the back how Lys was accompanied by a proud escort of the eternally green islands and small isles. Sansa had already read on Google that the coast itself was more than 150 miles in length and she had never been to such a tropical paradise before. Life seemed to come in waves from the rocks lining the coast itself, which were covered in green mosses and various red and orange floras, enchanting Sansa by the beauty of the view and the intensity of its fragrance. As they made their way towards their destination, the hot summer day, the concentrated scents of the sea mixed with the etheric fragrances of the fir trees, Cypresses, Laurel trees, Juniper trees, Myrtles, and other various aromatic herbs and flowers, made Sansa feel almost dizzy with their intensity.

Seeing the beauty and tranquility of Lys, Sansa really wished Jon had been miles away from here and then she could have fully enjoyed starting a fresh, new life here for herself and Alyssa. As it was, he was as old and as rotten a baggage of her past as they came. Sansa heard snatches of what Sam was saying to Alyssa as a familiar name caught her attention, “Lyanna really is the most romantic place in the town, what with the old harbor setting and those quaint little cafes. Even Gilly thinks it’s the best place in town and she’s not pleased easily!” Sansa furrowed her brows as she remembered Lyanna was Jon’s mother’s name. Foolishly enough, given the chance, she had wanted to name Alyssa that. Now she only shook her head at her own naiveté and just to reassure herself that she was not prone to stupidity anymore, she vowed to stay as away from “Lyanna” during her stay in Lys as possible.

As the jeep slowed to a stop, Sansa assumed they had arrived at their destination. But as she sat up and looked around, she saw they had only stopped in front of a huge wrought iron gate with intricately woven three-headed dragons all over it. Even a tank might not be enough to topple that sturdy looking structure, Sansa thought. Sam got down from the jeep, walked over to a window on the side wall, greeted a uniformed guard and reached out a hand while holding a barcoded keycard under an electronic security panel and the heavy gates slid open smoothly without even a creak.

Jon noted both Sansa and Alyssa’s taken aback faces and explained in a voice carefully stripped of expressions, “Daeny... My Aunt… she has need of the protection. She—“ Sansa saw Jon purse his lips as if debating how much information to divulge and luckily for him, Sam had gotten back to the car and said in an overly casual tone, “She breeds prized horses. You should see Drogon, Alyssa! He’s so magnificent, he still takes my breath away sometimes! But it’s mostly just a gated community of sorts. Daeny has her—umm, people, you could say. And she likes them close around her and protected. But it’s really fun inside too. It’s got its own lagoons hidden away from the rest of the island. Daeny’s got one of her own, mind you. But the others we all frequent! It’s got a tennis court inside, which poor Jon can’t enjoy unfortunately due to his inability to hold a racket properly. And also a newly built playground and I am positive little Sam would love the company!”

As the jeep treaded inside, they passed the various amenities Sam had already listed, first the tennis court, then the playground, a huge looking one-story settlement that Sam simply explained as Jon’s training yard. Up ahead Sansa could see a neat pile of spacious looking duplexes sitting in a row on the right hand side of the main road. But instead of heading to those, Jon turned the Jeep left, where they first passed a two-story open-spaced building that Sam labeled as the clubhouse, beside which he pointed out the stable. The ground around was fenced in with paneled wood so however much Alyssa craned her neck to see the famous Drogon, she couln’t peek in. As Jon kept driving by those fences, Sansa began to wonder why he hadn’t taken them towards those row of houses as those seemed to be the only residential buildings in this community.

Sansa was proven wrong when suddenly she saw an opening that was hidden by some high and heavy hedges that shielded whatever was inside from the rows of those duplexes on the other side of the wide main road and also from any of the other community buildings. Jon stopped the car just inside the opening which Sansa could see was kind of a spacious courtyard to a rather modest two-story house. It was nothing like those modern duplexes just on the other side of the hedges and the road. Jon and Sam started getting off the jeep, so Sansa and Alyssa had no choice but to follow suit. It was again Sam who kindly offered an explanation to the confusion Sansa could swear was written across both her and her daughter’s faces. “That’s where Daeny, Jon and Daeny’s assistant Missandei lived. Daeny isn’t really fond of living in palatial places. She also prefers this rustic place to our modernized duplexes over on the other side. And you will be living in the outhouse just behind the house, on the right side. It’s rather humble too, but Jon suggested you might prefer the smaller abode as it would be easy to maintain. And it’s really rather nice, right there on the community’s private coastline. The sea is still very far, don’t worry. But your house has got the best view in the island, believe me! You’ve got no problems with it?”

Before Sansa could respond to Sam’s query though, Jon had started walking towards the main road and shot over his head at Sansa, “Come, I’ll introduce you to Ygritte and show you her house and the kids.” He was walking so fast that Sansa couldn’t even get in a word before he was vanishing through the opening in the hedge. Sansa looked quickly to Alyssa and her daughter shook her head, “Please Mum? Can I please first go and check out where we are staying and the lagoon?” Sansa was about to reject her appeal when Sam spoke to her kindly, “It’s OK, Sansa. I’ll show her the house. And don’t worry, Daeny and Missandei are around here somewhere. You’re going just to the opposite side of the road and will hear if you daughter called you loudly.” Sansa chewed her bottom lip as she slowly nodded, clearly Sam was a parent and understood the fears of one thereof. Nodding her head at Sam and giving Alyssa a mock warning with an eye-brow lift, she headed off after Jon.

She saw Jon already climbing the porch of the third house from the right on the other side of the road and half ran, half walked towards him. She saw him ring the doorbell as she climbed the porch steps and said a low, vibrating voice, “Is it the servant’s quarters? Because, if it is, then it would be totally justified. But if it’s not, then wouldn’t it have been more convenient for all if mine and Alyssa’s living quarters were somewhere closer to this house or at least on this side of the road?” Jon didn’t even turn to face her as he answered in an equally low, yet calm voice, “Have you got a problem with living in close vicinity to where I live? Because you can’t have a problem with a house you haven’t seen yet, and you haven’t even met Daeny or Missandei to have any problems with them.” Sansa narrowed her eyes and spluttered into speech, “It’s only a matter of convenience—” Jon cut her off with a firm voice, “You are not a servant here. An employee, yes. Not a servant. And it’s only the other side of the road. The walk will do you good. Will help cool off that bad temper if it’s possible.”

Before Sansa could respond, however, the door of the house was flung open and a petite, wiry redhead with a screaming toddler in her arms threw herself in Jon’s arms and clung to him desperately as she rambled on a sob, “Thank the Gods you’re here, Jon! Jonno ate a marble! I think he did! Or he fed it to Olyver! Olly won’t stop crying!!”

Sansa noted with an increasingly heavy feeling in her heart she didn’t even want to acknowledge as Jon’s arms went around the woman who must be Ygritte and he brushed her dark red hair back soothingly and asked in a gentle voice, “What do you mean Jonno--?” Just then a boy of barely four years old came and wrapped himself around one of Jon’s knees. “Uncle Jon! You’re back!” Jon let go of the woman and scooped the boy up in his arms. Then he also took the screaming baby in his other arm and gently rocked him up and down and as the baby’s cries started to pipe down, he asked the older one, Jonno, in a calm voice, “Jonno boy, did you eat a marble from your set?” The boy swiftly looked accusingly at his mother and then again at Jon and scrambling down from Jon’s hold, he said in a barely audibly whisper, “I was playing with it, and bouncing it around in my mouth. It suddenly slipped down my throat.” Ygritte shouted instantly, “He wouldn’t tell me, Jon! He wouldn’t even let me catch him! Oh my— Now what do we do?” Jon ignored her as he again asked the boy, “Did you feed one to your little brother also?” Jonno quickly shook his head, “No!” And with that, he took off in a run and went in the direction of the houses on their right side like he was in a race.

Sansa looked back as Ygritte cried desperately, “If he didn’t feed Olly one, why is he crying so much, Jon?” Jon heaved sigh and said patiently, “Probably because he is very wet and he was scared when you screamed after Jonno.” Ygritte’s cheeks warmed at this and that’s when she noticed Sansa, “Who is—this is not Mrs. Baelish, is it, Jon? You said she was a widow and--” Then she directed her question directly to Sansa, “What is someone looking like you doing in an out-of-the-way place like this playing nanny?” For a moment, Sansa felt like a deer in the headlights, then she licked her lips and held her hands out to the toddler, who easily relinquished his hold on Jon’s nose and came to her. Then she said in a voice she hoped was pleasantly cool, “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Wilde. My husband did die recently and I needed the job. You’ve have got a couple of very handsome looking fellas here.” And they were beautiful kids, both with light blue eyes and sandy blond hair. Then she added in a quiet voice because she was sure Ygritte would worry about it later, “Don’t worry about the marble Jonno swallowed. It’ll turn up in a day or two. We’ll just have to keep an eye out for it.”

Ygritte flushed red at this and Sansa regretted making the other woman feel embarrassed at not asking about the marble sooner, but she had just wanted to reassure another mother. Ygritte eyed her chic looking dress grimly and said in a gloomy voice, “Olly has ruined your dress now. It’s wet.” Sansa looked down at the wet patch in her dress and almost felt bad for the kid who must be really miserable at this point. “It’s alright, Mrs. Wilde. It’ll wash off, I’m sure. Do you want me to—uh—I can go in and change him now?”

But the toddler was abruptly lifted from her arms and given back to his mother as Jon said in a sudden brusque manner, “She starts work from tomorrow, Ygritte. She needs today to settle in. Come on, Mrs. Baelish, I’ll show you your accommodations.” Sansa automatically started to reject, “Oh, you don’t need to--” But Jon’s smooth voice cut her off as he strode off down the road, leaving her to almost run behind him, “Oh, I do need to. I am your employer after all. Plus I do think it’s high time you and I talked about the elephant in the room, don’t you?”