#heart talks about it more indirectly as general getting along

[sainteclectic]

working on a long analysis of Whole's presence in the album btw. so look out for that

[dwaekkicidal]

𓆩Mochi Boyfriend Channie𓆪

gn!reader | he was top of the poll :3 Lix's will be posted tomorrow and then I will only make more if somebody requests other member versions <3

Mochi Channie who introduces you to the boys pretty early on, mainly because they begged to meet their new parent but also because they are his whole life, so it's important to him that you all get along. Their opinion is important to him so when they all approve of you instantly (and you handle them well), he’s through the roof

Mochi Channie who is shy about skinship, especially in front of the others, but will tank through it just to see the smile and blush covering your face (as if his ears aren't bright red)

Mochi Channie who encourages you to allow him to spoil you and eases you into it with smaller things like buying you small snacks, then ordering your favorite food after you’ve had a long day and showing up unannounced with it and your favorite treats, then finally will ease you into accepting brand name jewelry/clothes or any gifts that are generally expensive/valuable

Mochi Channie who puts everything (that he can) on pause to answer your texts and calls, even cutting himself off mid sentence when he sees your contact show up with a distressed message

Mochi Channie who calls you every morning and night when he's on tour, even when he's exhausted and doesn't want to do any talking. He'll sit there and listen to you talk about your day and falls asleep to the sound of your voice and the comfort of seeing you beside him once again

Mochi Channie who gives you secret sneak peeks into their latest endeavors, 1. so you know what he is doing at all times and 2. so he can see your eyes sparkle at events you find particularly interesting

Mochi Channie who gives you sneak peaks into songs like he did in Chan's room, only giving you a second or so of noise and then being a tease and leaving you hanging

Mochi Channie who, if you puppy dog eye him at a particular demo that sounds interesting, literally can not resist you and will show you as much of the song as you want/as he is comfortable with

Mochi Channie who, over time, opens up more and will eventually start taking your compliments to heart (Christopher you WILL love urself. 🔫<3)

Mochi Channie who is a fast learner: memorizes every little thing about you within a week of figuring out. New favorite food or drink? Knows the exact order and your preferred store of purchase. New favorite song or movie? Always plays it whenever he can.

Mochi Channie who indirectly asks stay for opinions on gifts for you. Goes on Bubble to send a picture of some items and a message along the lines of "Which do you want? haha." he reads through the replies and tallies them, using the final count to make a decision

Mochi Channie who may be inexperienced at first, but again is a very fast learner. So much so that by the 3rd or 4th time you guys are having sex, he knows your body to the same degree as, if not better, than you

Mochi Channie who has every spot that makes you squirm, every angle that makes you cry out, and every kink that makes your legs weak engrained in his head

Mochi Channie who won’t hesitate to fulfill your needs of him being rougher. also not hesitating to sit you down to discuss specifics and put rules in space

Mochi Channie who researches new positions, trying the most interesting out in order to figure out which one feels the best and has you shaking the fastest

Mochi Channie who gives you whiplash the first time he's rough with you. He wine and dines you while being his usual soft and lovey dovey self.. until he's not

Daddy Chris who pins you to the front door the second it's closed, pushing his thick lips against yours in a sloppy make out session

Daddy Chris who spends over an hour on just foreplay (mainly edging hehe), wanting things to be perfect and wanting you to be as relaxed as possible before he loses control

Daddy Chris who eases himself into you gently, like he normally does, but gives you whiplash when he starts to fuck into you meanly

Daddy Chris who "You asked for it, so just fucking take it. You promised you would be good for me, remember baby?"

Daddy Chris who does nothing but smirk and thrust harder when you cry out about how good he feels and how close you are despite the fact that he just started fucking into you

Daddy Chris who likes to put you in doggy so he can sneak a hand in your hair to pull you back-to-chest with him, giving him free rein to whisper filthy things in your ear while keeping you close

Daddy Chris who goes back and forth with his words. One second telling you things like how “You’re doing so good for me, baby. Taking me so well” and the next second saying things like “Aww it's too much? Good. Take this fucking dick, baby. It's made just for you."

Daddy Chris who pulls as many orgasms from you as he can before he's finished, sweet talking you through every. single. one. so he can watch you squirm below him with the biggest smirk on his face

Daddy Chris who only ends the night after you're overstimulated out your mind, tears running down your face and drool sliding down your chin

Daddy Chris who cleans you up, pressing sweet kisses to your temple and whispering soothing words to calm you down. He holds you close in the shower and at first just lets the hot water fall onto your skin before he washes you both

Mochi Channie who goes on like normal the next day, as if he didn't fuck you within an inch of your life the night before

Mochi Channie who still gets red in the face when you two show any skinship in front of the boys, but is more confident now that he realizes how deep in you both are <3

[beevean]

Some other thoughts, because I cannot and will not shut up.

This is Hector and Isaac's very second scene in the show. Hector ends up staring at Dracula's fireplace: he reminisces of his abusive parents, and how he set his house on fire with them inside. This immediately tells us, along with Dracula's speeches, what kind of person Hector is: despite his apparent softness that we'll see later on, he can be ruthless enough to kill, or at the very least punish, those who have wronged him.

Much later, Hector has been brought to the lowest point of his life. He's listening as the woman he has given his heart to is gleefully humiliating him in front of her sisters, describing in detail how he's going to be treated as a tool, as a dildo, as a pet, and only because he trusted the wrong person. Multiple times, in fact. He has been hurt by one too many people.

And by the time Hector's fate is sealed, the fireplace acts as the framing.

Basic cinematic symbolism indicates that Hector's backstory would be become relevant in the next season. As a child, he killed his abusers. And now he's in the clutches of two other people who abused his trust and good nature and stripped him of all freedom and dignity.

So, was Hector meant to set the entire castle on fire, and kill Carmilla and Lenore for what they did to him? And then it was changed to make the season artificially happier? Would it have been the narratively more sensible course of action?

Well, not necessarily. As fun as it is to imagine Hector taking revenge on those two pieces of shit, subversion of expectations can still be done well. And, to be fair, while Hector did kill his parents and is certainly not above murder in general, he seems to not be inherently violent in nature, even against someone who hurt him:

Carmilla has lied to him, insulted him, and coerced him into indirectly killing his master. He still speaks to her very candidly.

From what was shown until S3, Hector needs to be pushed to his absolute limit before he starts considering violence, but once he does, he has no mercy. The most obvious proof is his disastrous attempt to threaten Lenore:

Yeah, as ill thought as this was, I don't blame him for being this desperate, after the torture he was recently put through. From a certain perspective, it would have been nice to see a recreation of this scene, but with a Hector acting smarter, having learned from his mistakes.

However, to be honest, I don't think that seeing such a gentle character being brought to horrific violence would have been cathartic. It would have been tragic. It would have been actually a bad thing, a reason to be scared and to pity him. And it still wouldn't have addressed his utter apathy when it comes to keeping humans in a cage: hell, that act would have made him as bad as Isaac in S3.

With that being said, I will never, ever, accept how he was written after that scene.

I'm going to use an excellently written show to talk about the difference between taking the high road, and forgiveness.

Our good horseman here has been abused since infancy by his utter monster of a mother, who delighted in making him feel guilty for daring to be alive. Long story short, she is now old, weak, and senile to the point where she can't recognize him anymore. Bojack is planning to finally vent all of his anger for all she did to him, as soon as she's lucid enough - and who could blame him? By this point, no one would shed a tear for a woman who did her very best to ruin her son's life. Hell, some might have cheered when he more or less bullied her by "killing" her doll. No mercy for an abuser, right?

However, in a brilliant display of foreshadowing, the audience is made to suspect that Bojack won't actually get to tell his mother off. He already wasted the seasonal F-bomb here! And there are no freebies. So what's going to happen? Will Bojack simply be prevented from finally facing the woman who ruined his life, deprived by outside circumstances of the catharsis he needs?

No. He does it himself.

Right when he has Beatrice where he wants, in a terrible retirement home and finally lucid enough to recognize her son... right after she has committed her last unforgivable act and secretly poisoned Hollyhock with appetite suppressants until she overdosed... Bojack chooses to not hurt her.

He could have. She would have listened to him. The viewers would have understood. But instead, the last moment Bojack could talk with his mother is used to soothe her confusion and fear, and give her a comforting vision where she can feel loved and like everything is alright.

Bojack is not one to do selfless acts without getting anything in return, and he doesn't know anything about her terrible past that we viewers have witnessed through the episode that explain why she was so bitter towards her son: so this act of pity towards the person he hates the most in his life speaks wonders of his character and growth.

But he did not forgive her. The entirety of Free Churro is dedicated to Bojack's painful eulogy of Beatrice, where he makes clear that he still resents her, and the only reason he's sorry for her death is that now he knows that he has lost the chance to have a good relationship with the one who was supposed to care about him.

Beatrice was shown wanting to reconnect with Bojack, almost as an apology. But even if her personality didn't got in the way of a proper reconcilement, nothing she could have done would have made up for the pain she caused Bojack, and he's right in still remembering her as a cruel person. But still, we remember that one moment of kindness he gave her as one of the most powerful scenes in a powerful story, for the build-up and for the significance it has for both characters.

Bojack Horseman did a wonderful job in exploring the complicated feelings that arise from being a victim of abuse. It's not just hatred and desire for revenge: there is a deeper connection, and care despite everything, and regret, and longing, and wishful thinking, and all sorts of uncomfortable feelings that are hard to explain to someone on the outside.

Needless to say that Netflixvania only wishes it could have reached the heights of Bojack Horseman, and Hector is not conflicted about Lenore. He's not anything. He shows no tension when he talks with her as if they were friends (it's the very first scene we see with them after Hector cried over being made a slave in S3); he shows no resentment when he talks about the ring that she forced on him to make him a useful tool, as he was a mere "problem to be solved"; his one attempt to address what Lenore did to him is brushed off as a sick joke that he takes in stride; he shows no confusion in his attempts to reconcile the Lenore who talks to him like someone worthy of respect with the Lenore who sadistically took advantage of his vulnerability to trap him. And needless to say, Lenore doesn't exactly get a good justification as to why she thought to resort to rape by deception to get her way, leaving fans to scramble to find one that still leaves her sympathetic enough.

It's only when Isaac storms the castle that Hector finally shows the slightest twinge of resignation when he cages Lenore to allow him to do his thing, but also to protect the woman who apparently protected him as well. Only now there is emotion in his voice, care and regret at the same time. Once more, much like Alucard killing Dracula, it's a big emotional payoff to nothing - worse than nothing, even.

Hector leaving Lenore alive, even protecting her from Isaac, could have been him taking the high road. Instead of going on a rampage like subtly implied by the framing, he could have shown her pity, for understanding that for all her cruelty and manipulation, she too was just a pawn in Carmilla's insane scheme (admittedly the parallel intended by the narrative, but not addressed enough). It would have fit with the general idea that revenge is for children (the development that was given to Isaac), and perhaps, in a way, we can consider it the fitting punishment for Lenore: being precisely being forced to live and see what exactly she has become. If written well, the subversion of the revenge ending could have been brilliant, and poignant.

But there's nothing there, except some shallow banter wasted on Carmilla and dick jokes and some flat voice acting. There is no inner turmoil. Hector just likes Lenore for no proper reason, which, if we pretend the writing was not a rushed mess, implies that he forgave her off screen and now everything is all peachy between them. As if what Lenore did was that easy to forgive. And if it was that easy, regardless of whether it was forgivable or not, then why should I be impressed?

It doesn't speak of Hector's supposed good nature. It's not an admirable act of strength. The choice to let go was not pondered, because it was apparently never a choice. We are eventually left with a nothing narrative, one that doesn't address the events of the previous season except in the form of a joke, one that doesn't allow the characters to grow but rather to regress (because remember, Hector's big badass moment of trapping Lenore and cutting his finger is in the context of him wanting to bring back Dracula and letting himself be killed by Isaac), one that doesn't explore the complicated relationship between a kind mistress and her well-treated pet that was deceived into imprisonment, and one that offers no catharsis whatsoever when it comes to the end, where Lenore kills herself out of nowhere and Hector lets her go after at most one second of hesitation (I have my idea on how that scene should have went - oh look, another comparison with BH :P). And we're left with accidental but vile apologism, instead of the nuanced tale about abuse that we could have had. It would have been so easy, even with the time restraints.

And it wasn't even intentional. It's just sloppy writing hailed as something deeper than it actually is.

(I keep reading in the comment people who gush about Hector showing compassion to Lenore, instead of comparing Carmilla lying to her to Lenore lying to him. I get the parallel and I get the superficial sweetness. This story should not have happened after petty rape by deception: remove that, and all the bonding suddenly makes sense. I want to fix it so badly.)

[daisybellejpeg]

Hello, Daisy. I have a few questions. They are related to the Dr. Bright debacle, so feel free to delete this if that makes you uncomfortable.

First of all, are you okay with people making posts linking to your testimony? I've made some posts containing the Google Doc titled "Skeletons in the Amulet", and if this makes you uncomfortable, I will delete them.

Second of all, there are people with DID that have fictives (alternate personalities that take the form of a fictional character) of Doctor Jack Bright. Many of these people are not comfortable with the use of Elias Shaw, and some have outright stated that Shaw is triggering. What would you suggest for these people in this situation?

Honestly feel free to ask me about adminbright anytime. This goes for anyone who has questions about my testimony or the situation in general. The bastard has me blocked on Facebook but I still have the logs— that and I’ve figured out that being extremely detailed with receipts makes it harder for bright apologist squealers to cry “Political Corectness” or “Buzzkill” without looking like they’re backing up a nonce lol. I’m not a stranger to giving testimony on trauma in general and am more than happy to put on a brave face if it means others can stay safe and informed.

Now onto the two parter:

1. Fuck. Yes. Say no more. It puts AB on edge to hell and back. Actually, Mx. Peters has gone on two Facebook tyrades regarding my testimony before nuking their Facebook to private. They have other victims even irl that they’ve met at faires n cons, I still keep in touch with one actually.

The more this gets out alongside the aht message and Cimm’s video, the more impact it might have in fandom spaces they frequent. As of now they’re banned from two events due to the mountain of evidence that’s now levied against them. More awareness=less future victims. Use my doc as many times as your little heart desires.

2. Imma be real with you chief I am not a licensed shrink nor do I have full knowledge of DID aside from having three really good friends who have it. Actually it worries me quite a bit that there’s bright fictives given the whole possession fetish aspect of the character and how it enticed the sicko who created him. Only advice I can give is that you are in mostly full control to curate your personal experience online. Make use of the tag system here, mute words on Twitter, the works if you’re really that bothered by Shaw.

(Edit to add given that it’s been brought to my attention that this part can be confused for me still talking about people with DID, I’m talking about fully neurotypical people who use the character) I have several people who still use bright despite the trove of info on how that can be potentially dangerous blocked on here. It’s so weird to flex stanning some 40 year olds possession fetish character that they used (along with their position of power) to actively predate on minors and young adults but go off I guess?

If anyone gives me shit about Shaw tho? I bite back. I won’t tolerate being heckled about taking steps to minimize and prevent further damage from my groomer in this community in an attempt to heal from the shit I went through with Peters.

I was taken advantage of as a child when I was 9, once again when I was 16, and finally by bright when I was 20. The latter will be the last time I let it slide. I made a promise to myself that I will protect not only the past victims, some of whom I’m friends with, but also young impressionable fans from this lowlife coomer and their undeserved legacy. I will cyber bully (in Minecraft) anyone who tries to slam me for it. I will be the ultimate buzzkill for any indignant bright stan and call them out for indirectly sheltering the legacy of a predator. I’m not the only person tired of the character either. Many people on the wiki are and will side eye you at best if you complain about the overdue action being taken regarding bright the character.

I hope this answers your ask! Feel free to ask any additional questions if there’s anything I missed.

[atranswomansdiary]

Day 139

October 22, 2020

A little over two weeks have passed… And the fires of cancellation have died down.

Or at least that’s what it seems right now.

I’ve been spending these weeks mostly alone in the apartment I rent. I go out to work, come back, and sleep through the day and night. The only other stop along the way is to buy groceries at a small shop around the corner. I love the relationship I have there with the shopkeepers there, especially with the one that’s almost always there when I go. I don’t even know what his name is, but I care for him. I ask him how he's doing, I commiserate with him when I get to watch another customer act like an asshole (which happens way more often than any of us would like), and in general we always exchange some chit-chat about life’s happenings.

As cool as our relationship is, however, there’s something between us that he probably doesn’t even suspect—and that I have to ignore every time we interact.

He doesn’t know that I’m not who I present as. I’m not the nice neighbor (he/him), no; I’m the nice neighbor (she/her). I’m sure of that now.

The same thing happens at work. As much as I care for S.L. or anybody else in the company (who, I must say, for the most part have been nothing but great to me), I can’t help but feel that whatever relationship we have is just not real. And it’s not their fault! It is all mine.

Which brings me back to the reason why I’m writing you (or to you, I’m still not sure how to do this). Last Sunday was my mother’s birthday, and it was the first time I visited since the pandemic started. I was so happy to see them all (both of my sisters still live with them, as well as our three dogs!). We talked and ate and laughed as we always seem to do these days, and it pained me to have to return to my apartment at the end of the day. I just wanted to stay with them forever.

But the ghost of pretending appeared here as well. At one point during our neverending lunch I was about to open up and tell them about my discovery about who I truly think and feel I am, but… I just couldn’t. I couldn’t ruin another of my mother’s birthday, as I did accidentally twenty-something years ago. All of them (parents and sisters alike) told me many nice things and they displayed their love for me in many actions, both big and small.

And the thing is, as happy as it makes me to finally (?) know who I am (at least in one sense), a) I’m not 100% sure of my ideas and discoveries over the past few months (now less so than ever) and b) I’m not sure how they’d react. I have some hope for my sisters (especially the youngest, who’s a self-declared feminist), but my parents? My father couldn’t look at me when I was wearing make up during my “goth phase” (their words, not mine. It was never a phase! I’m still a goth). And my mother? Well, she’s always been there for me… with a few key exceptions. And those exceptions are the ones that set the fear of rejection deep in my heart and mind.

What’s worse, however, is that I may not get the chance to tell them my truth before they find out through third parties.

I was stupid enough to mention the cancellation catastrophe and they were obviously shocked and angry. Both of my sisters, especially, were ready to jump into the web and start arguing with J.N. and the rest.

I had to stop them, not so much because I didn’t want them to defend me (or upset them), but because J.N. included in the cancellation my “supposedly coming out as trans” as part of her accusations.

So, although I was able to stop my sisters then and there, I can’t be sure they won't go looking over for the cancellation stuff, perhaps just to get an idea of what they’re saying about me. And if any of them finds out about the trans stuff, I’m sure they’ll tell my parents. Not out of any desire to harm me, I’m sure, but just as a way to share info and try to support me as best as they can.

So: in other words, it may be just a matter of time before I’m outed to my family indirectly by J.N. and whoever else supports her. Considering that, I’d much rather tell them myself and risk whatever consequences may come from it. At least in this way I retain some sense of control over my private life and my thoughts and feelings.

I don’t know how much time I have left, but I just know I couldn’t do it in that moment. Maybe next time I visit? I don’t know when that’ll be, though. Most probably Christmas, but I may need to find a way to do so on a date that isn’t something special that can be ruined. I hope I can muster the courage quick enough to go through with this sooner rather than later.

Until then, with love,

ZZ

[thewrongjackpot]

Who needs to blog anymore when you have a therapist?

It’s been some time; more than just a hot minute. I had to look back and see how long it’s been. It’s been about nine or so months since talking about scans. I think from that appointment I was given a therapy contact and started up not too long afterwards. I feel that’s been bearing much of my emotional and mental weight lately. It seems pretty obvious that it’s something I should be doing, and here, I feel the need to justify going because of cancer trauma. Yet I, even without it, still probably end up going at some point. Cancer was just an extreme catalyst to get me to start. I can only use humor as a coping mechanism for so long. I was getting to a point where the dying jokes were becoming more frequent and getting old. It always makes me think of the scene from “Friends” where Phoebe is dating a therapist, and he asks Chandler something along the lines of “What happens when the jokes stop?”. 

Therapy has been good. I had learned about what secondary trauma is from my husband, and during much of the post-treatment times, I tried to stay conscious about what degree of information I divulged to certain people about how I’m doing. Because there are so many layers to all of this, and if they knew all the thoughts that cross my mind, all my anxieties, and just much of what I have to internalize, they’d surely be left with secondary trauma (assuming they actually cared). And I think the part that scares me is that dealing with the thoughts about “what if cancer ‘won’, and I died” are the easier ones. 

I talked to my therapist about how I’ll do certain things in “attention-seeking behavior” fashion like pull up my sleeves and causally put my Sally arm out into the world so that maybe it’ll act as heads up that something isn’t quite right with me. I think I’ve been using this platform as a way to indirectly, yet, directly tell people what’s going on in my head/what I’m dealing with. Like I’m not specifically telling someone this; someone chose to read it. Yet I’ll do things like post on my IG story that I dropped a new blog… so how indirect is it really? (I already know I’ll be guilty in the future …like how did you get here?) I think I use it as a way to absolve myself from some of the guilt of potentially traumatizing others by telling myself that they chose to read it; I’ve done my job and put out disclaimers. A part of it is in needing and wanting to be heard while at the same time not wanting to be a (direct) burden on someone else. 

I have this need to want to protect others from everything I’m going through, for example, my parents. I think it’d break their hearts to know all that I’m dealing with. Maybe I’m self-absorbed, but I feel that any caring and loving parent wouldn’t want to see their child handling everything I am or generally, someone dealing with very traumatic experiences. I can only imagine feeling fairly helpless. I’m not a parent (and who knows if I ever will or could be… and that’s a whole other set of onion layers), but I think that deduction isn’t far out-of-pocket. I’m very concerned with the toll my trauma could have on one of my loved ones (again, with the self-absorption). Thus, therapy is a safe space for me to just unload, unpack, and healthily work through much of what I hold back from others. 

Then there’s this weird atmosphere I create by internalizing much of it that it may give the impression that everything is fine. Then it feels odd if it’s not acknowledged, but I’m the one putting out this vibe that it doesn’t need to be talked about. Yet, I can sometimes feel forgotten if I’m not checked in on, but at the same time, I’m like, get off my back, I’m fine. It’s a weird space to be in.

I recently saw a TikTok…or a movie…? that talked about perception. How you’re the only you you’ll ever know, and that the only “true” you only exists in your head. Everyone else has their own version of you based on their perception of you. It’s been sitting with me lately. Thinking back to when I was going through treatment and people left and right were saying how strong I was or I’m a warrior for going through all of this. Not something I hear as often now as I’m done with treatment. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely hate hearing it (pure cringe). However, the funniest aspect about it all, is that from my perspective, treatment, surgery, and all of that was the easiest part thus far. So much of that was dictated. I had all my appointments scheduled. We had a protocol for when certain things went wrong. I had doctors and medical staff essentially running the whole show. All I had to do was show up; driving my ass to appointments, as often as I could. Sitting in the hospital for a month or so at a time. I had no real choice outside of “let myself die”. I just had to show up; that’s it. I survived. I didn’t have to worry about anything else. My life was so regimented I didn’t have capacity to deal with or focus on anything other than showing up and sometimes rooting for my body to not kill me. I’m left with imposter syndrome from others thinking and saying I’m some strong person. 

And life moves on, treatment ends. I’m still around. There’s this err of “everything is generally okay now”, which depending on how you look at it, could be true. But all of this “after” has by far been the hardest part, again, from my perspective. Trying to reintegrate back into this unforgiving world with my new “normal”. Life keeps on going and stops for no one. There are days where it takes every ounce of me to just keep trying. Finding happiness in what pockets I can. Celebrating even the smallest wins. Rule 32: Enjoy the little things. Dying or having died is easy. It’s the living and finding reason to live that’s hard, even without the cancer sprinkles. I want to be hopeful and optimistic about this world and the rest of whatever life is gifted to me. There’s this persistent fight in my head against fully submitting to nihilism. I don’t want to be labeled (perceived) as that sad sap that gave up or let grief and anger be the drivers of my world. Being angry and/or sad at the universe changes nothing that’s already happened. It really just is what it is (sidenote: I legitimately want to get “It is what it is” tattooed somewhere eventually. I’ve lived by this long before cancer came along). 

ANYWAYS, as you can tell, I’m very much in my head. Just some later night rambles from your favorite failed X-Men. If you’ve got this far, do what you will with all this information.

[raayllum]

Terry doesn't want to fall in love again, really.

Claudia... Claudia had been funny and sweet and loyal. So, so loyal. Claudia was... complicated, an ache that still hurt sometimes when he thought about it. Terry knew leaving had been the right thing for him to do—both times, the ashamed disdain lingering in her eyes as they both realized just how truly fucked up her thoughts and feelings about elves in general really were—but difficult. Equally difficult.

It was hard to look the truth in the eye. That everything they'd done, everything he'd done for her (the blood on his hands both directly and indirectly) had been wrong and awful. That love had led them astray. And then, the even uglier truth that love wasn't enough to save them—that the person you'd done all that for, would do all that for, wasn't the person you were even meant to be with.

Corvus is the opposite of complicated. Corvus is simple—in a sweet, steady way.

He's quiet, but not secretive. He's direct, even with his fancy vocabulary. He's rarely angry—or perhaps Terry just rarely makes him angry—and more exasperated than snappish. He plays music on his cello that leaves Terry humming along in the moment, or for days afterwards as the tune plays in his mind. He loves trees, thoughtfully listening and sometimes even smiling as they compare facts for how the trees here this close to the Del Bar border are different to the ones in his childhood.

"Eventually I had to leave the Uncharted Forest," Terry shrugs one night by the fire. It's Corvus' house, even if Terry crashes here more nights than at the inn in town. He doesn't think either of them are entirely sure why. "I loved it, but—it just felt so messy, you know?"

Corvus stretches out beside him on the rug. "I can understand that."

They don't talk about the big things, Terry has found. Not yet. Not about the war and being on opposite sides of it, not the fact that Corvus was a soldier brought into court politics and family drama, or that Terry is a civilian who committed borderline war crimes. Not their exes, who are siblings, and who they thought they'd be with together forever, and now... they're not.

It should make his skin crawl, Terry thinks. He and Claudia also hadn't talked about a lot, because she'd never volunteered the full story and he hadn't pushed or thought he'd needed to (A friend of yours? Not anymore) even when it turns out he definitely needed to. But it doesn't feel like Corvus is hiding or twisting or justifying things with his silence or his words.

Merely that sometimes the vines of your life get all tangled, and you need time to, well, figure out how you want to untangle him.

Corvus' fingers graze his. Terry slides his hand forward to grasp at them, heart beating fast and then slow when Corvus squeezes.

"Y'know, when I was a child," Corvus says softly, looking at their joined hands. His thumb runs back and forth across Terry's knuckles. "My father taught me how to fall out of trees safely, so it wouldn't hurt. Did you ever learn that?"

His eyes are a warm, deep brown when Terry looks into them. He brushes his green hair out of his eyes to see more clearly, and smiles. "I think I'm starting to."

Corvus / Terry

Resistance

[a-scaly-troublemaker]

Cacao Headcanon Dump (mainly for ecastily lmao.)

I posted this right before my first period class on 4/1/22 lmao (I'm gonna date some of my stuff so no one has to fight to find the date in the settings thank me later)

Cacao shivers when he's upset and becomes less vocal until comforted or allowed to force his emotions down. His shivers can be temporary at the beginning of him feeling sad, or can last throughout the entire time he is sad. He doesn't cry much, but when he does, he absolutely spills his guts everywhere. Anyone who will listen, he'll tell them everything. A simple 'What's wrong?' Ans he'll start talking for quite a while. He appreciates it when someone will sit down with him in a quite room and take in his side, patch him up when he shows them his proverbial wounds.

Cacao is part of a small group of Cookies who love to be pet like cats, and purr when such is done. He is superbly insecure about this and is afraid he'll be seen as weak for melting so readily at attention given to him. His purring is rich and deep. Get under his chin and his arms will fall limp. Absolute bliss. He will smile and just relax,, resigning himself to the affections. Few Cookies are tall enough to get there, and he trusts few Cookies enough to bend down and let them. The Cookies on the list of those he will let pet him, in my AUs... Dark Choco, Espresso, Caramel Arrow, Red Velvet, Licorice, Pure Vanilla, and Hollyberry. Cacao is so touch starved that he melts under the affections of those he trusts almost the instant he is shown said affection. He lights up like a Christmas tree, will purr the entire time, and with Pure Vanilla, might beg for more.

Both Cacao and his son have sensory sensitivities stemming from a mental disorder. They have roughly the same general spectrum of disorders, and shut down in a similar way. However, Cacao does not allow himself to shut down. He will bite and claw at himself to stop himself from shutting down, not allowing himself to let his guard down for even a moment.

Cacao is a massive cuddlebug and an absolute sweetheart. He was open about this when he was younger and not a king, but it was practically beaten out of him gradually as the settlement grew and he took charge of it. His desire to protect them and belief that he was one of the best Cookies to do so caused him to adopt a less emotional stance. He was praised for his strength. Both directly and indirectly, other Cookies stifled his big heart until it was hardly there anymore, and he normally thinks less of himself for allowing himself to love and be loved openly.

However.

This is all BEFORE my AU stuff has occurred.

Afterwards?

Post the dark part of my AU, Cacao has reunited with his son and has left responsibility for the kingdom on the Watchers and the citizens themselves while he rests and heals with his family, most of which consists of adopted Cookies. In this AU, he has been married to Pure Vanilla since well before the main protagonists were baked, and the two kings spent as much time together as they could afford to. They were and still are deeply in love with another, taking care of each other as best they can. Pure Vanilla uses his powers to ease Cacao's nasty morning pains as well as comfort him through his trauma. They dote on each other to a point that it's obscene in private. Pets, kisses, gentle caresses, hugs, and snuggles. Cacao has opened up entirely to his family and servants, along with somewhat more to the public. He seldom allows himself to be petted in public, though.

After he has opened up, though, he is relatively calm and easygoing until allowed the opportunity to be sweet. Also in this AU, he has a secret ingredient in his dough that he conceals from others: Chocolate syrup. There's so much of it that it subtly tints his jam brown.

Small sweet headcanon: He picks up small children and will comfort them until a family member comes to pick them up. He normally does this outside the Black Citadel, but sometimes does it inside the Citadel. It has earned him a muted reputation of a kindred spirit, only believed in select few communities.

Another sweet headcanon: You can't tell me that what little time Cacao spent with his son wasn't precious. He would expel all of the servants from the castle so no one would be able to witness Cacao getting into a tickle fight with his young son. Only a few servants were allowed to hang around, and they never told a soul outside of Cacao's inner circle, for fear of his wrath.

[shadowshrike]

3 Hopes: Some Dimiclaude Parallels between Games

While doing a "One of Claude's goals is to save Dimitri" reading of Golden Wildfire, I ended up stumbling across some lines that make for fun dimiclaude implications mirroring the first game. Surprisingly, this time, most of it is from Claude's side.

First, there are the 'world problems' that Claude talks about in their support. He's trying to appear as though he's addressing a broad audience, but the pointedness of his language suggests a more personal focus on Dimitri, especially when he begins getting worked up as they continue.

"Who steals your freedom and gives you an endless list of duties and obligations simply because you have a Crest?"

This could be generally addressed towards the noble experience, using 'you' to mean anyone with a crest. It's a generic complaint about the crest system that falls in line with what he'd know from the Alliance nobility he's spent most of his time with.

"Who forces you and your friends into a bunch of unwanted marriages and positions of power?"

By adding 'and your friends,' this line must be partially directed at Dimitri, specifically regarding the burdens of his station. The unwanted marriage line is odd because Claude theoretically doesn't know the Blue Lions well due to the civil war, and he's implying Dimitri is part of the group that is slated for one. Claude's expression shifting towards frustration here is an interesting choice.

"In the world I'm trying to create, you wouldn't be burdened by them either. You could even..."

This is unambiguously directed at Dimitri. It's clearly personal to Claude as well. It's a shame we never get to hear what he wants to see Dimitri do in Claude's ideal future, especially since Dimitri himself holds little ambition beyond serving his people in any capacity he can. Of course, the dimiclaude reading is that Claude hopes they could have a relationship, which is why when he realizes he's almost said too much, he instead backtracks to a more neutral longing for friendship.

Particularly striking about this line is how when Claude cuts himself off about what Dimitri could do in this new world, you can hear him getting emotional in the audio. The notorious schemer's heart is so rarely on display. Although both deliveries are good, I find the JP version feels extra heartwrenching (and can be listened to at the youtube recordings of the scene).

To bring this back to the original game, we see a parallel in how Claude responds to Dimitri's burdens. In Hopes, Dimitri's duties and obligations as king are the things that weigh most heavily on him, whether or not he is a willing steward. Claude responds by trying to shake him from that and acknowledge how it gets in Dimitri's way.

In Azure Moon, we see a similarly direct approach to Dimitri's demons. There, he's plagued by the dead and how they, along with Dimitri's people, place too much weight on his shoulders. Claude responds, just like in Hopes, without having spent much time with the king, yet immediately trying to break him from that burden.

However, in a reversal from Houses, we see the lion's share of direct, admiring lines about the other coming from Claude rather than Dimitri. There's still some of both, but Claude is exceptionally vocal in Hopes. He mentions how much he appreciates Dimitri's integrity and knightly values to his face...

...and indirectly to his friends through his distraught speech after Margrave Gautier's death when the rest of his army is celebrating.

This is unlike Azure Moon, where the alignment of his personal values with Dimitri's was primarily implied by his actions. He mostly mentions Dimitri's kindness in a lighthearted, disparaging manner there.

[bostonbashers]

Hear me out.. How do mercs behave around a person they have a huge crush on?! :D

AAAAAA this one is so cute, i’m in love!! 🤩❤️

-

Scout:

literally a fucking DORK around you. tries to impress you constantly with anything and everything he has, ranging from his skill set to his appearance to his personal belongings and much more.

always finds excuses to spend time with you and it can be the most asanine ones in existence. oh? you have free time tomorrow? let’s go take a run down the street. you miss your puppy that got lost when you were a kid? let’s go to the ends of the earth to find it.

made you borrow his jacket/shirt once because he accidentally spilled a drink all over your shirt. once he saw you in it, he nearly died and didn’t want it back. takes it back anyway due to his pride and though he seems outwardly okay with it, he secretly doesn’t wash the clothing for a long while.

his flirtatious behavior around other people goes down immensely. scout becomes strictly loyal to you once his crush grows stronger and can’t bear the thought of talking with someone else, even if you don’t like him back. it just doesn’t sit with him right.

Soldier:

soldier is much softer and kinder around you. he restrains himself from using any harsh words that could hurt your feelings and tries to slow down on your training.

shows you his pets!! one of his prized possessions that he won’t allow anyone else to touch, like ever. he trusts you to love and take care of them the same way he does.

everyone has to respect you. if they even give you a slight problem, he’ll get on their case about it and probably give them hell before they could even mutter out an apology. you deserve respect and he’s gonna make sure you get nothing less.

lots of supportive comments from him! even if it’s something small, he’ll grin at you proudly and yell out a, “good job, cupcake! you did great!” while giving you a strong pat in the back or an approving nod.

Pyro:

pyro is usually sweet and kind with a certain crowd and tries to do the best they can for others, but with their crush? it’s a whole different story. they’re absolutely head over heels for them.

like a lovesick puppy; they will follow you wherever they go with a skip in their step. like, i mean they’ll follow you everywhere. “no, pyro you can’t follow me to the bathroom-!” they don’t really listen but patiently wait outside anyway.

one of the many mercs who won’t hesitate to show affection and sees nothing wrong in it. runs up to them and holds their hand firmly with a happy hum, hugs them more than usual, and just straight up gives you all their attention.

Demoman:

oh boy, if tavish has a crush on you, he’ll show it when he’s absolutely wasted. demo will literally smother you with affection regardless of where you both are and literally latch onto you every second he gets a chance to.

lots of drunk ramblings; he’ll lay his head on your shoulder or lap while he mindlessly slurs about how amazing you are, what his favorite thing is about you, and so much more.

it’s pretty obvious at that point demo likes you so you admit your liking to him pretty quick and it’s funny how shocked he gets. “ya knew i liked ya?!” yes, demo, they did.

when he’s sober, he’s much more shy with it and controls his actions a lot more. apologizes for his behavior while drunk. tavish exhibits more gentleman behavior, from opening doors to making you a decent dinner and just basically ensuring your comfortability.

Heavy:

heavy is very mature and will accept his feelings pretty quick compared to the others. it’s a 50/50 chance with him; if they feel the same, that’s great! if they don’t, then.. he’d have no choice but to move on. that’s how life works.

once he does accept it, be expecting a lot of mother hen behavior; he literally watches your every move to make sure you’re safe and healthy. even if you are, he goes out of his way to give you things whenever he knows you’re around; a homemade meal, a blanket, probably some candy. your smile is already more than enough to make up for the little things he does for you. 

no one will ever dare to hurt you around heavy (or just in general, really). he senses danger and issues pretty quickly, so it’s easy for him to detect any bad intentions. he’s like that scary bodyguard who looms behind you, glaring at anyone who radiates rancid vibes to scare them away.

Medic:

probably takes a while to accept or realize it cause he’s always so preoccupied in his lab, being busy and all. but once he does realize it, it’s sort of foreign to him at first, so of course, he goes to heavy to speak about his emotions. after being told it was a crush, he pays attention to you a lot more than usual, sometimes even without him noticing.

he gets all giddy when you’re around and although it’s not the jumpy, squealing giddy, it’s certainly one shown through happy greetings and continuous conversations that seem to be never ending. (you don’t mind though)

makes up random appointments and checkups for the smallest things just to see you and gets very, very excited whenever you decide to come to visit him without his knowledge. nearly drops everything just to attend to you.

he talks to archimedes so much about you that his precious pet basically knows who you are based off his owners reactions and automatically flies to you whenever you enter his lab. that bird is a lot smarter than you think. they get along with you pretty well and medic melts whenever he sees you talk to his birds like he does and play with them.

Sniper:

bless his heart, the poor man will literally faint around his crush. just the sight of them flusters him to his core, and don’t even get me started on their little habits and that godforsaken smile. [hes literally almost died when they grinned at him]

he’s already so reserved and quiet as he is, but around them, it’s even worse. he’s always so scared he’s gonna scare them away or say something stupid, but he eventually lets go of the fear and tries to muster up the courage to talk to you.

once he does, he spends a lot of his time with you, often inviting you out to drive around with him or just simply sit outside and enjoy the breeze. he talks a lot more than usual and though he doesn’t completely open up about his past just yet, he does indirectly hint that he trusts you more than anyone in his life.

lots of sleepless nights when he realizes he’s in love. he does everything to take you off his mind but all fails in the end and he’s kept wide awake thinking about what you two could be. from then on, it becomes increasingly difficult to keep his cool around you and silently begs you’ll confess one day or he’ll lose it.

Engineer:

sweetheart mode: activated. like it’s not a big switch up, since he’s naturally a gentleman but it’s noticeable enough. you’ll notice that your nicknames will start slowly forming to more romantic ones and how he blushes with a smile everytime it leaves his lips.

the other mercs can tell when dell has a crush; he blushes a lot more than usual and they catch him smiling more than once by himself. they realize it when you approach him and he automatically fixes himself to look presentable without a second breath. his voice also changes to a much happier and giddy tone, it’s so cute!

stares at you from a distance a lot or whenever you’re distracted with something. half of the time he doesn’t even realize he’s doing so but once he catches himself, he blushes and looks away, silently telling himself to quit it. often you’ll catch him staring at you, but you ignore it for his sake and laugh to yourself when he smiles back and waves shyly.

Spy:

takes a long while before he actually accepts the crush, seeing that he’s a very secretive and reserved person but once he does, you best believe you’ll be spoiled and loved by this man. lots of gentleman behavior!! opening doors, buying you gifts, giving you his coat, and all that fancy stuff.

teases you a lot more than he should; he enjoys your reactions. he’ll lean in close enough where your fingers brush slightly, tilt your chin up when he talks to you and makes intense eye contact while doing so. whenever he gets too close or the moment gets too tense, he backs away with a smirk and pretends as if nothing happens.

he listens to you and anything you have on your mind. his door is literally open for you 24/7 and even if you come knocking at 3 am, he’ll let you in and listen to what you have to say. you think he’s not listening cause he’s very unresponsive but when you’re finished and about to leave, he gives really good advice and tells you quietly that he’s there for you in an indirect way. depending how close he is to you, he’ll let out an experience or two about him to put you at comfort and as thanks for confiding in him. he then walks you back to your room with a simple nod and goodnight.

[colossal-fallout]

[ Classified ]

The full report - Eren Yeager

The following report details all information on Eren Yeager. Contains NSFW content and reader must be over the age of 18 to view this document.

For your eyes only.

Name: Eren Yeager

Birthplace: Shiganshina

Height: 180cm / 5ft 9"

General

[ A1 ]

Appearance & Hygiene practices:

Eren's chestnut brown hair is always clean and fresh. Whenever he pays you a late night visit, he'll have most probably just gotten out of the shower. Coconut scented shampoo of sorts? Whatever it is, it smells so good.

Prefers showers over a bathe. He says it's to save time, but he spends a good 40 - 60 minutes in there, easily.

Once he's dry, likes to throw on jogger bottoms and a hoodie over his bare skin. His bare skin that is now so soft and scented as his favourite shower gel which is either tea-tree oil or Coconut.

If he wants to remain clean shaven, Eren must shave every 2-3 days. Sometimes he likes to grow it out but nothing ever past a long stubble.

Minimal body hair.

Trims the hairs on his pubic bone/lower stomach. Has pleasuring you in mind as he does so. Will take into consideration the friction against you.

Totally clean shaven testicles.

Eren's nails are short but that's because he bites them. [ see section A3 ]

Beautiful set of teeth. Brushes twice daily in a modern AU.

Eren adores it when you brush his hair for him. He finds it extremely relaxing as you massage his scalp. His eyes will close and a small, barely audible hum will emit from time to time.

Eren's skin care routine is pretty basic. All of the steam from sitting in his hot, frequent showers for so long seems to do him wonders - his skin is flawless and worthy of envy.

Due to the healing power of being a Titan shifter, Eren has no scars.

Eren has quite large hands with long fingers. He doesn't wear rings or jewellery as it reminds him of the burden of when he had to keep that damn key on him at all times. Will however, put up with a wedding ring.

[A2]

Body & Love language:

Eren is a pretty introverted person. His hands are usually tucked away inside of his pockets - be it either trousers or hoody/jacket.

He hunches a little too. Likes to feel hidden. He's had enough attention over the years and wants nothing more than to just shrink away in a crowded room. Or maybe, it's the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Brooding, moody exterior. Extreme "resting bitch face"

Shrugs a lot. At first glance, you'd think he was a moody teenager trapped in a grown man's body.

Likes to sit with his feet flat up on the chair with his knees splayed - you'll usually find him like this with an arm resting over a knee while the other is at a 90 degree angle pointing away from his hip.

Fumbles his hands together in formal occasions when he can't sit so casually or tuck them away.

Likes to drape his arm over you without touching you. His arm will rest above you on the top of the chair. A clear indication of "They're mine" and "I will keep you safe"

His hips will usually be swivelled in your direction, regardless of where you are in the room. A subconscious body language of sexual yearning.

Eren likes to hold hands with you when you're walking. He's not huge on PDA but likes the strong yet subtle showings that you're together.

Tends to rub his thumb over the back of your hand absent-mindedly when you do so.

His love languages include physical touch. Can get very needy and touch starved pretty easily. Not in a overbearing way, but even just a run of his slender fingers through your hair is enough to keep him going until the two of you are in a more private setting.

[A3]

Bad Habits & Tendencies:

As mentioned above, Eren bites his finger nails. His toe nails too. It's pretty gross to be honest.

He never does it in public, but he has been known to do it in front of you when he feels comfortable enough to do so.

Get's very fidgety when irritated or annoyed, which is pretty often. Especially if Jean is around.

Short temper. He's learned to tame it more over the years where he doesn't show it so easily. But everyone has their limit and when his is reached, his yell is booming and pretty intimidating.

During an argument with you he has been known to raise his voice, but it's not the frightening roar you've heard him unleash on others before.

Always apologises to you after he's calmed down. Even though it wasn't that bad.

If you two ever have a bad falling out, will lock himself away for days. He'll be pissed at himself for letting it get so bad and depressed that you two are having such problems. But he'll do anything he can to fix it.

[ A4 ]

Common misconceptions:

Obviously everyone has their own cannons and opinions. But I don't personally see Eren as being an abusive partner. Yeah, he has his problems and treats his friends like shit but there's a reason for that we'll probably see in the last chapter. If you're worthy enough to pierce that cold and distant shell, you're a very special person and he'll treat you as such.

Eren actually has a large heart hidden under that huge chip on his shoulder. He cares and loves the people around him unconditionally. Even to the point of carrying out mass genocide to protect them.

Still... He does have a dark side to be weary of at times.

Even though he's gross while in Liberio, usually Eren is actually pretty clean.

[ A5 ]

Food & Drink:

In a Modern AU Eren loves fancy coffees with the weird names. The longer to pronounce, the better. He just likes the fact they give him energy and the fancier ones taste good.

Due to not having meat for so long, a good ol' fashioned beef/lamb stew is his favourite.

Doesn't drink in canon.

Modern AU, his alcoholic beverage of choice is bottles of beer and craft ales. Sometimes is a sucker for red wine.

[ A6 ]

Modern Au:

Eren wears loose clothing. Hoodies, loose jeans, those baggy cardigans too.

His texting style is spam over one long message. Especially if he's pissed off. He's too impatient to sit and type in paragraphs.

Drives a black car. Don't ask me what type, I don't know cars. But it's black, 'kay?

It also has "black ice" air freshener inside.

Likes to ride quads and mopeds along fields. He's a thrill seeker. Rollercoasters, bungee jumping... you name it he's game.

Eren plays the guitar. He took lessons for it but after about a year he just went his own way and self-taught.

If he sees a guitar at a party, he will pick it up and play it. He won't sing though.

He actually hates singing. He finds it embarrassing.

Always has in his air pods/earphones.

Likes any sort of music that is catchy.

Probably streams on Twitch. He won't talk much though.

Could have a wide range of jobs. Coffee shop, could be in college, might be a ride attendant... who knows? It's anyone's guess what Eren is doing. He doesn't talk about himself that much.

Romance & NSFW

[ B1 ]

Crush:

Eren would definitely be in denial he has a crush on you at first.

• “Does y/n seem different to you?”

Armin; “No…? In what way?”

“I dunno… Just, different.”

• His poor stubborn brain would be ticking for weeks as to why he suddenly wants to be near you a lot more often and has urges to touch you, even if it’s just a slight brush against your arm.

• Will find any excuse to do extra training with you

• Once he FINALLY clicks on as to why he’s had these feelings, he’ll be pretty knocked off his feet and a little annoyed at himself.

I’m here to kill the enemy...

• Still though… Can’t seem to keep himself away.

[ B2 ]

First kiss & general kisses:

After the initial denial and keeping himself away, he'll just decide one day he's had enough of feeling this way and decides to to something about it.

He won't shove himself onto you. He'll do some sly probing to see if there is any indication of reciprocation.

Knowing Eren, he'll indirectly piss you off or insult you. He didn't mean to. He's just lacking social skills. Man aint smooth.

You'll slap him, probably, where he'll keep his head away from you for a few seconds, realising he's pushed you too far. Whichever side you palmed him away, he'll stay.

He'll slowly return his gaze to yours before gently holding your arms, apologising and planting his lips onto yours.

His general kisses are quite firm and forceful. Not in an aggressive way, but a "god I want you so bad" way.

Always either slides his arms around your waist or cups your face/head.

He tastes like sweetened tea <3 / Coffee in a Modern AU

Loves coming from behind and snaking his arms around you, nuzzling into your neck when you're doing something. Doesn't like it when your attention is away from him for too long.

When he's feeling soft and tender, will dance his nose with yours and catching your mouth in a caress.

When he's super turned on, he'll suck your tongue, bite your bottom lip and kiss anywhere he can.

[ B3 ]

Sex:

Ha ~~!

Eren is up there with the best when it comes to sex. He knows what he's doing and he does it well.

Extremely skilled with his fingers and tongue. He'll have you crawling the walls with hysteria as he likes to tease you throughout the day. He more than makes up for it, though.

Gropes, nips, kisses, licks, bites, flicks... anywhere and everywhere he can.

Is the most vocal when you perform oral sex on him. Will groan so deeply, his entire body will vibrate.

Dirty talk is this man's second language.

"Look how desperate you are for me." / "Look how desperate for you you've gotten me..."

"Do I feel good like this?"

"Am I making you feel good baby?"

"You're so good at that. Fuck, such a good girl/boy"

"S'so fuckin' tight."

"You're my little fuck thing, aren't you?"

"You're perfect."

"I love you..."

Are some of the many things you'll hear while he's fucking you.

He doesn't really have a favourite position. He'll gladly take you anyway he can. If he's in a rough mood, he'll bend you over the sofa, take you up against the wall... But if he's feeling more soft he'll make slow, passionate love to you for hours.

He does have a strong soft side at times.

Dominic Dominant. He loves seeing you totally at his mercy, the power over you the most arousing thing in the world to him.

Big daddy dilf vibes. He knows what he’s doing and he’s fucking good at it too.

The only time he’ll sub is if he wants to be lazy - letting you ride him and use him to your heart’s content.

Dirty talk. It can get pretty degrading at times. If you’re not into that, he respects that boundary.

Will absolutely ruin you.

Low-key loves it when you claw his back in hysteria. He thrives knowing he can send you absolutely insane, and he can just heal the claw marks in a matter of seconds. Sometimes even during sex (which is the hottest thing ever)

In an AU modern, he would love to fuck you near a large mirror or record you both getting at it to watch at a later date.

A lot of hissing, humming and low groaning, especially when he’s close to unloading.

Likes to watch you masturbate, putting his head close and observing intently. Loses his shit if you moan his name while doing so.

Hair pulling is his overload language. Will tug fistfuls when he gets too turned on.

[ B4 ]

Kinks:

The risk of getting caught. He likes having risky sex in semi public locations. Makes a game of how loud he can get you to moan, knowing someone would probably hear you.

Light Degradation. When he’s in a rough mood, he doesn’t mind calling you a few names. Nothing too extreme. And if it’s not your thing, he’ll respect that boundary.

Loves a good ol’ 69. Having you on his face with your ass in view is just… *Chef’s kiss*

Speaking of ass, he loves to bend you over too, allowing himself in nice and deep with a great view and something Juicy to grab.

[ B5 ]

Aftercare:

Aftercare with Eren isn’t anything special unfortunately. He’s another who gets sleepy after sex.

Won’t ignore you though. Often lazy pillow talk is on the cards and telling you how much you mean to him and how beautiful you are.

Will run his fingers across your scalp to soothe you.

Also will kiss any bite marks or finger bruises he’s left behind and ask if you’re okay.

Relationship with loved ones & becoming serious

[ C1 ]

Friends & Family:

When Eren meet's your friends family he will be polite yet quiet. He wants them to like him but he won't pine for their approval. If they like him, awesome. If they don't...? No big deal.

Same goes with your friends. He'll stay quiet until spoken to at first, but once he's been eased into conversation, he'll flow with it a lot easier.

Again, he'll be polite but don't expect him to kiss ass, because he certainly wont.

[ C2 ]

Marriage:

You couldn’t actually believe Eren had proposed. Although he was down on one knee in front of your very eyes, your mind just wasn’t accepting it. Folks and onlookers watched with bated breath, awaiting your answer. He sure kept this surprise hidden well…

Of course, you said yes and he picked you up by your waist in a spin, colliding his lips to yours.

And now here he was, watching you walk down the aisle, a lump in his throat and his heart racing.

You looked gorgeous, like something from a fairy tale.

And of course, he looked as handsome as ever. His suit was smart and his hair was up in its usual bun.

Armin is his best man, of course; who is standing and beaming with pride.

Eren holds back his chokes and tears as he reads his vows;

“Y/N… From the first time I ever laid eyes on you, all those years ago, I knew you would be in my life forever. Back then, I didn’t think it would be as my wife, but God I am so glad it is. I’m sorry for my stubbornness and irrational behaviour when we were young. But despite that you still loved, and stood by me and for that I’ll be eternally grateful. I vow to always stand beside you, whatever the world throws at us. I vow to hold you when you need support. I vow to remember how you always had my back no matter what. And I vow to always love you, with my heart and soul, until the day I die and after.”

The room erupts in cheers and tears when you seal your kiss.

The reception is wild.

Everyone is drunk (except Levi) and dancing. Reiner and Connie are dancing like weirdos, Reiner's blazer removed and at one point Connie is on his shoulders.

Sasha has too much to drink and is spewing in the bathroom.

Mikasa can’t stop crying with happiness and pride.

He carries you to your room afterwards where you spend all night sealing a special bond that will never be broken.

[ C3 ]

Children:

Eren has a soft spot for children, believe it or not. As seen before the expedition to the forest of giant trees. He sees his old self behind the innocent glint of unaltered admiration within a child's eyes.

He's not super into child play though. He wont pull weird voices or funny faces. He'll sit at their level and speak to them like they were anyone else. Obviously, watching what he says around them.

If they're unchecked and acting themselves, he'll become quickly annoyed as they wreck havoc around him and will have to leave the room or he'll get too agitated.

If his s/o discovers they're pregnant he'll seem to take it well. But inside he's falling apart and freaking out. He won't ever show it to them, but he doesn't know how he could be a father. Would he be like his own? Would he be able to be a good figure to look up to? What if he fails? Is it selfish to bring a child into this cruel world?

He'll be shocked but understandably so. After after a couple of weeks of self-reflection and brooding, he'll start to feel better about the whole thing.

More protective over his s/o than usual. Will make sure they're eating, drinking, resting and god help you if he finds you doing something you shouldn't such as trying to lift something heavy.

Will hold your hair and rub you back, as well as bring you water while you're having your morning sickness.

"Babe? It's four in the afternoon. How come you're still sick?"

"Eren, it's called morning sickness but it can happen any time."

He'll click his tongue. "....That's a dumb name, then."

The first time he feels the baby kick within you, his heart absolutely melts. His eyes enlarge and you could swear you saw them soften with that spark behind his emerald greens he had when you were younger.

His large palm is warm against your stomach as he feels around, the little flutter of your child hitting against his skin making him flinch in surprise at first.

"Woah..." He'll gasp in amazement. "They're already so strong. Hey, y/n? Doesn't that hurt?"

"Sometimes." You'll laugh softly.

He'll gingerly place his face to your skin, a little embarrassed he's doing this; but he feels the need. "...Don't hurt your mom, okay?"

As your pregnancy progresses and you get larger, he will not leave your side. If he has to, he'll be worrying and you'll be occupying his mind. In a modern au, he'll constantly call and text and will get Mikasa or Armin to check in on you often.

Will be so gentle during love making. He's terrified he'll hurt the baby.

One of the only times you've seen Eren panic in his adult life is when your waters break.

You'd gotten up in the middle of the night to pee. Climbed back into bed and felt a strange pressure, followed by a pop. Then a warm gushing sensation. You wait a few seconds to settle your own panic before you nudge Eren awake.

"Eren..."

He'll bolt up, confused. "What? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?"

"Eren, my waters have broken."

"Shit. Okay. Shit. What do we do? Shit." He'll leap out of bed and throw the lights on. You get to your feet where more water will start to drop onto the floor. "Shit, shit. I'll get the bag. Do you need help getting dressed? Okay, where's my jacket? WHERE'S MY JACKET?!"

"Eren, honey I need to you calm down."

"Okay, sorry. I'm calm. Shit. Shit..."

Will hold your hand with a worried look the entire time you're in labour. Has water and snacks on hand.

Will watch in amazement as your child is pushed into the world. This magical moment changes something in him, but right now he's not sure what that is.

They will bond immediately. As soon as he holds your son/daughter he can't take his wide gaze off them.

They're inseparable.

Any doubts of being a bad father is washed away as he takes them under his wing and teaches them about the world.

[diavolosthots]

Hi, hope this comes out right, been looking forward to making a request. So, I was hoping for hurt and comfort scenario where a reader is oddly reminded of their families passing, and is obviously not good at pretending they're fine and Lucifer or Satan calls their bluff, and offers mc a shoulder to cry on. Sorry for the weird ask, it's been rough.

Hey babes im so sorry it took so long for me to get this. Wherever you are, if you're still around, I hope you're doing okay ❤

Warning: mentions of death

A Good Book (SATAN X GN!READER)

The Devildom was so pretty, or at least, it was to you. The endless night sky that never once seemed to falter, filled with millions of stars that you didn’t recognize, filled you with a sense of comfort. Odd flowers native to the area brought curiosity to your mind, and even the animals that some might deem as creepy gave you a feeling of joy. The Devildom, although meant for sinners only, was beautiful, and maybe, just maybe, you would prefer it over heaven. Diavolo does well in keeping it up right and of course, even with most of its citizens being demons, the general public does a great job at helping out with that. If someone had told you that hell would be like this, you may have called them crazy, but maybe they just want you to think it’s bad because it’s, well, hell. You’re not supposed to enjoy it, after all. 

Truthfully, under different circumstances, you may not have enjoyed it as much, but the darkness and change of scenery actually gave you time to forget about things going on in your regular life, and the friendships you have formed along the way also allowed you to think of new things, different things. A smile crept across your face as you recalled the many shenanigans that you and the brothers have come up with over the past few months and your heart ached at the thought of you potentially having to leave this place. “I love it here….” it was spoken more so to yourself, but it held power outside of yourself. You did love it here and you loved everyone you meet here. Still, today you couldn’t shake off the feeling of sadness. Everything reminded you of them and it took everything inside you to hold it together for the rest of your day at RAD, up until the point where you would be back at the House of Lamentation, at which point you would allow yourself to break down. 

And you did! You made it all the way to the house, but right as you were about to enter through the door, a yellow butterfly flew past you. “Butterfly…” which caused you to break down immediately. Thankfully, the brothers were nowhere near you at the moment and you managed to run up the stairs and into your room, where you threw yourself on your bed and cried. A stupid butterfly just had to come and ruin it, didn’t it? Where did it even come from? You didn’t know. Did the Devildom even have butterflies? You’ve never seen one before… it made you sad. It reminded you on that day where they passed and you hated how every time you saw a butterfly, it brought back that memory. Butterflies…. “Little Angels..” is what they used to call them although you found it hard to believe. 

“(Y/N)? Are you in there? I took your potions book by accident.” Satan. You wanted to tell him to just go away but you didn’t actually have a reason for him to leave. If you yelled at him to go away, he’d be worried and confused and maybe even slightly agitated, wondering what he had done. If you didn’t say anything, there’s a chance he’d open the door anyway just to leave the book in your room. There was no way out so you quickly wiped whatever is left of the tears and looked at yourself in the reflection of your phone, smiling softly before clearing your throat before calling out to him. “Yeah I’m here. Just place it on the dresser.” Maybe if you opened your phone and pretended to scroll through Devilgram, it wouldn’t be so bad… or so obvious. The door opened and Satan walked in, smiling softly at you as he held up the book, “My bad… I thought I took mine but when I checked my bag, I had two, so I figured this one is yours.” The smile you had put on while looking at yourself was still on and you nodded at him, “it happens… no big deal.” And you hoped that, with those words, he would leave again.

“What are you doing?” Of course not. As a matter of fact, he shut the door and walked into your room and your body screamed to just run. You can’t sit up now, can you? Your throat is suddenly feeling tight and you forced yourself to sit up, showing him your phone and how you were just scrolling through Devilgram. “Just…. A bit of social media.” “You sound sad.” Okay, way to go being blunt Satan. His statement caught you off guard and you kind of looked at him dumbfounded for a moment. Had he figured it out already? By just looking at you? That’s impossible, “what?” You laughed. It sounded hollow but you laughed, “don’t be ridiculous! I’m just… tired. RAD has been kicking my ass.” He looked at you like you were just…. Dumb. Like you took him for a fool. “Lies. I know a liar when I see one. What’s wrong?” 

Something about being caught just made you feel anxious. It made you stiffen and blink a few too many times and your lip is quivering again and your hand is shaking, you can feel it, and if you don’t pause and look away you’ll cry again and…. “Hey… what’s wrong?” The second time he asks, you actually cry. You can feel the tears roll down your cheeks and your vision is becoming blurry. Your hands move up to your face to hide as you sobbed, shaking your head and silently praying that he would just leave. Satan, however, didn’t. He was confused, for sure, and part of him was scared that he had indirectly done something to you that made you so emotional in his presence. “(Y/N)... talk to me…” He reached a hand out, carefully, to place on your back, rubbing over it. “I-I….” but you couldn’t even get a word out. His touch was strangely comforting and you quickly leaned into it, throwing yourself at him until your arms wrapped around his waist and his own were forced to wrap around yours too. 

“(Y/N)....” “I…. they’re dead… I’ll never see them again….. I still can’t believe it…” He’s confused on who you mean but right now it also feels like a sin to interrupt your talking so he stays silent, just rubbing over your back instead and pulling you closer against him. “They died… shortly before I came here… and… I didn’t…. I didn’t get to say goodbye, not really….” Your tears and hurt are silently breaking his heart and he wishes he could actually take it away from you; you don’t deserve this. “A-and… I hoped… the Devildom would… would take my mind off it…” you are sobbing harder now, moving your hands underneath his jacket and clinging to the back of his sweater, “b-but then I…. I saw that stupid butterfly….. And I couldn’t…” It’s all because of a stupid butterfly. You really did blame everything on it. 

Satan’s lips attached to your head gently while one of his arms moved up to push your head further into his chest, his fingers raking through your hair tenderly as he did so. “Sshh…” He won’t tell you it’s okay. He knows it’s not. He also knows better than to attempt and make it okay. There’s not much he can say or do here, but he will try anyway, because somewhere in his mind, he felt similar when Lucifer lost Lilith. “I won’t tell you it’ll be okay… although I hope for you it will be… but, a good book once said that butterflies are little helpers from G… the man upstairs,” Sorry (Y/N), he can’t bring himself to say that name, “and if you whisper a wish to it, it will go up to heaven and ask for it to come true.” Obviously he doesn’t believe that, but there is a sense of comfort coming from that saying, even for him.

You sniffled, trying to calm yourself enough to listen to him. It made sense. Somewhere in your mind, it made sense. You nodded, still crying but you wanted him to know that you were listening, “thank you…” but please don’t let go. You didn’t add the last part, but seeing as he didn’t let go, you take it as him understanding that you need a little more time. Satan was warm and oddly comforting, and you wanted to just be held by him for a little bit longer, to get lost in him a little bit more, 

Like a good book. 

[obeymeluv]

Random Lipstick Headcanons

I like red lipsticks and I like wearing lipstick when I want to feel like a bad bitch. Or when life’s being a badder bitch than me. I can at least struggle pretty ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This is the bros reactions to you wearing a very complimentary, alluring lip color. Or power lip color. I don’t know what to call it. I guess this is gender neutral? I’m not trying to mention gender specifically.

They TOTALLYYYYY have a crush on you at this point. They just haven’t owned up to it. May take a crack at writing a second part for the Undateables. I’m at chapter 21/22 and feel like they’re not really mentioned :/. Not enough for me to really know what they’re like.

Lucifer

Is very surprised to see you wearing lipstick. In fact...it’s the first time, isn’t it?

His heart stutters, almost as if the color scares him. 

It doesn’t. It excites him. More than he imagines. There’s something about the pop of color that draws his eyes in immediately, like a moth to a flame

Or so he thinks. Lucifer thinks that sounds nicer. In truth, it’s like a magnet trying to drag him closer. Your lips are just suddenly...very enticing. He’s thought about kissing you a few times before now but he certainly doesn’t want to feel his resolve crumble because of some color!

And yet, it is the essence of beauty itself. He feels as if you should be immortalized in a painting. You exude a classic kind of charm that makes his dusty heart squeeze.

He’s a bit behind on human fancies, but is this an attempt at courtship?! You certainly have his attention! 

Mammon

WOAH, WHAT’S THIS? WHY YOU BEING ALL FANCY, HUMAN?!

It doesn’t even have to be a glossy lip. No matter how tsundere Mammon acts, he’s INCREDIBLY perceptive when it comes to you. He notices the minutest of changes. 

THIS IS A BIG CHANGE! IT’S BASICALLY A BEACON!

Your new lip color makes you a cool, shiny thing and Mammon LOVES shiny things.

He’s gonna be stealing so many glances! 

You don’t even have to be trying for a sexy vibe to be sexy in Mammon’s eyes. You take his breath away with this lip color. He just---boy has to turn around and bite his lip.

His heart’s doing stuff it hasn’t done in centuries and oh baby, he wants that lip color all over him!

Will either act like you wearing lipstick is nothing special (like he doesn’t notice) or goes into mild interrogation mode. It’s not for some other demon, right?!

Wants to touch your lips and see what it feels like, but doesn’t.

Might try to drag you along to be a makeup rep for one of his photoshoots. Then you can try on lots of lipsticks and pose with him. They can do a kiss photo for swatches, right? Prove it’s transfer-proof or something?

His attention’s on you AAALLLLL day--especially your lips

If he notices it’s smudged, he’ll try to wipe it away or fix it with his finger. Might almost out himself with how gently he does so.

Levi

He’s no stranger to watching people do makeup--he’s a big fan of cosplay makeup and body paint transformation

There’s just...something different about when you do it. He tries to tell himself it’s because you live with him, but that doesn’t feel quite right

His eyes light up when he sees the way the color compliments your skin. It makes your eyes twinkle but he’s really focused on your lips

It wakes up something ancient and irrational in him; he wants to give you a pretty shell or rock for some reason??

He just gets all excited and wiggly. Even his tail wants to wiggle!

You’re just pretty, okay?! Not that you’re gonna know, dummy!

Subconsciously, he thinks it reminds him of beautiful, vivid scales. Then that sends him down a rabbit hole of how pretty you’d look if you had scales  

In general, I headcanon that Levi can see the slightest differences in colors. He and Asmo are basically tied in this, and they far outpace the other brothers. 

He’d be extra stoked if the color is from the blue or purple family because those can be hard to pull off but they often make really good looks

Being Levi, he can’t outright compliment you. He’ll just say ‘it’s probably good for a normie human lipstick, but have you seen THESE?!’ and shows you some of the flashier Devildom ones

HE SHOWS YOU A BUNCH AND GOD HE HOPES YOU GET AT LEAST ONE BECAUSE HE WANTS YOU TO WEAR IT! DON’T THINK HE’S WEIRD BECAUSE HE SAVED MAKEUP, OKAY?!

Get one with a slight shimmer or color change. Or better yet, do a gradient!

Levi would absolutely explode if you wore his colors!

If you do a TSL-inspired look, he’s going to die. And have dreams of you saying sweet things to him, the yucky otaku, with your pretty, pretty lips

Satan

Much like Lucifer, he’d want to wax poetic about how the lip color gives you an enchanting aura

Quite stricken, very flustered. He can hardly muster a witty remark.

Satan is basically grasping at straws and hoping his usual cool, toothy grin hides the fact that he’s ready to blush himself straight into a sunburn

Mild teasing, all of it good natured. He’ll pepper in comparisons to Helen of Troy or historical figures that resemble you. It’s mostly to see you blush, but it’s his way of saying it indirectly

He hasn’t quite come to terms with how much he likes you yet but he knows when he sees that lip color, he wants to smear it all over your cheeks and down your chin.

The idea of making a mess of something so pretty and carefully crafted just really gets his blood going. It’s a wicked thing, isn’t it? Symbolism for a demon corrupting a human? You could be his pretty human, yes.

If he wants to think or make a coherent sentence, he can’t look at you when you’re wearing lipstick

Subtly moves one of the books from a nearby stack into his lap because boy has a boner.

If you decide not to hang around or get pulled away by one of his brothers, Satan will disappear to indulge his fantasies of you wrapping those pretty lips around his cock. He’s not even mad about it. Not in the moment; he feels bad a few days later.  

Asmo

His darling human is spreading their little beauty wings? Oh be still his beating heart!

He’s the first to compliment you and actually takes an analytical approach before the idea of genuine compliments pop up in his head. It’ll take him an hour or two to start getting a little flustered by you ‘dressing up’ and silently tormenting himself with ‘Is it for me? Is it for someone else?!’

Asmo can’t help but coo over how well you know your color wheel and how you match your undertones

The type to hold your face in his hands and pat your cheeks or squeeze them a little

Teases you about making lipstick swatches on his lips or his arms (”Or, you know, wherever. You can kiss me anywhere you like!”)

Wants to drag you away and see if any of his colors will look good on you

You will soon have a matching lip color! He’ll make sure of it!

BEGS you to let him swatch his lip colors on you, or apply them. He’ll make sure to take care of your lips in between--a lip mask, exfoliation, the works! (”I’ll even kiss them for you!”)

He wants you to try on all his lip colors because he wants to memorize how breath-taking you look in all the colors. Even if it’s platonic with some lusty teasing, Asmo has a genuine love for bringing beauty to people

In some ways, it makes his heart ache. It reminds him of when he was Heaven’s Jewel.

But now he’s here in the Devildom, and he doesn’t really regret it because he met you. You can be his jewel now, and maybe he can be yours. Maybe it all starts with some lipstick, hm? 

Beel

He notices it but doesn’t really get the significance of it

Is there a reason? Is it for an event? Is this a dominance thing? An attraction thing?

Demon can see from a great distance, far greater than humans, and there’s a chance he sees you before you see him

In all honesty, he probably thinks you have something on your lips, like a sauce or something

It isn’t until you get closer that he realizes it’s some kind of lip product

If you’re happy, he’s happy

You always look cute but this color seems to make you happy and it gives you this bouncy glow about you. That makes Beel all warm inside, to the point where he wants to purr.

Sometimes when he gets really excited his wings want to buzz. They kind of want to buzz.

Doesn’t mean to, but can’t stop staring at your lips. It’s a color he’s not used to seeing on you and his brain recognizes that change

Wouldn’t be against you kissing him. What? It might transfer? He gets food and crumbs all over his face on the regular so it’s not a big deal.

You might be shy about it? Don’t want him to get teased? Well...you can always practice. You know, somewhere he can hide it. Just to test it, that is.

KISS HIS STOMACH! He’d be so damn close to a nut Beel would have to bite his own tongue or shove something in his mouth before you do it

Would wear your little kiss marks like a badge of pride so slap ‘em on wherever you want!

“Do they have orange lipsticks?” he asks. Blushes deeply immediately, not realizing he actually said it out loud. You should try one of those, he thinks. You know, because that’s his color and it’ll match his nails. He thinks that’d be neat.

Just wants you to kiss all over his chest and stomach. 

Belphegor

Wary of the lipstick. Doesn’t trust it

Looks like a nightmare for his pillows. Paranoid about you getting it on his sheets

If he’s half asleep and notices it, the color change will jolt him awake long enough to really observe it

“For me?” he teases as he rolls over or pull himself from under covers and pillows to really look at you

It’s pretty, for sure, but you’re not coming anywhere near his bed unless you can prove it’s not coming off on fabric!

What’s that? You can?

Belphie probably says something sarcastic and mildly asshole-ish but you defend your precious lip product, talking about human reviews and tests and things. “People have kissed their boyfriends and girlfriends on camera! It works!”

He makes you kiss your arm (he’s a fucking idiot, should’ve asked you to kiss HIS arm) to prove it won’t rub off before he lets you rest on his bed with him

Snuggles into you like he always does, playing with your hair just the tiniest bit. 

Belphie hopes it’s subtle but he’s slowing twining and inching his fingers closer to your face. Your lip color is almost mythical and he kind of wants to touch it after all the fuss he made.

Does it make your lips feel different? They look different. Would it react differently to demon skin?

Will tell you it looks nice and that you look pretty but if you ask him about it later, he totally denies it. Insists he must’ve been talking in his sleep

He dreams of you kissing him awake or kissing him to sleep with gentle cuddles and pretty lips

[captainsparklefingers]

Lair of the White Worm: Chapter 2

So. I was wrong about things staying short. And I was wrong to hope that things would get more interesting, because, uh...well, who wants to learn some genealogy and history?

Now, that isn’t to imply that genealogy and history are inherently boring, because they’re not. But the way Stoker is writing here...my eyes glazed over a few times and I had to go back and reread because what chapters 2 is, essentially, is an info dump. Really dry, long info dumps. We pick up the ‘action’ right where we left off, the cabin of the boat Adam Salton and his Grand-Uncle Richard slept in overnight. Both men are early risers, though Richard likes to hang out in bed for a bit before actually getting up (relatable). When they realize the other is awake, they both get up and quickly dress and depart the boat and go to Richard’s carriage, without any conversation. Richard is proud of his carriage, which is apparently 25 years old and has ‘all the luxuries of useful travel—silence and isolation as well as speed’. With the way Richard goes on talking about his carriage, I’m reminded of my dad and how he talks about cars and their features and suitability for different sorts of trips. Some man things, it seems, never really change, just evolve. The plan is a drive through the heart of England, essentially giving Adam the scenic tour on the way back to Richard’s house. All of this sounds very nice, and Adam brings up the way their conversation ended the night before:  “Has our journey to-day, sir, any special relation to what you said last night that you wanted to tell me?” “Not directly; but indirectly, everything.” “Won’t you tell me now—I see we cannot be overheard—and if anything strikes you as we go along, just run it in. I shall understand.” And then...oh god, it begins. Richard says he’s going to begin and the beginning, and hooo boy does he. Apparently, Adam is a bit of a history nut, having written a paper or given a paper on the Romans in Britain, and Richard, noting his nephew (we’re just gonna call them uncle and nephew from here on out for convenience’s sake), jumped on this as part of his conversations to get Adam to come to England.  “If you could learn so much of the British Romans so far away in West Australia, where there cannot be even a tradition of them, what might you not make of the same amount of study on the very spot.” Makes sense. Uncle Richard mentions that their journey and destination will be taking them through what used to make up the kingdom of Mercia, and Adam, as a history nut, should be excited and interested in how much of the timeline of English history their location spans. Again, makes sense. All of this sounds very interesting at first, because, well, it is! At least, it is to me, a fellow history nut who admits ignorance in many things and loves any chance to learn. So of course we immediately go from this to a ‘more personal reason [for Adam’s arrival]’, which is apparently a big change in the local history happening at that moment.  And thus we launch into a brief history of the Caswall family, who are the great family of the area, residing in the estate of Castra Regis and who are the owners of several of the counties the Salton’s will be travelling through. The current head of the family is coming home and will be the first member of the family to reside in their estate for over a hundred years, or six generations. A quarrel some generations back caused the last owner who lived there, one of many Edgar Caswalls, to go live abroad and cut off communication with the family back in England, his descendants not knowing about their estate. The other man involved in the quarrel, another Edgar Caswall, apparently also cut himself off from the family and went abroad to have himself a sulk (if I’m reading this right) and basically, the house has been abandoned by its family (though it was being cared for and had tenants, so it wasn’t just abandoned abandoned. I’m not sure why I’m disappointed by this.) Uncle Richard says that the newest Edgar Caswall (you really gotta love family names) is being greeted by festivities. Another, unrelated name is then dropped as Uncle Richard mentions his friend Sir Nathaniel de Salis, a freeholder who lives near Castra Regis in his own estate, DOOM TOWER.  I’m serious. This dude lives on an estate that somebody named DOOM. FUCKING. TOWER. Is there a secondary meaning to this name that DOESN’T make it sound like a supervillain’s lair? Probably. Is it going to stop me from picturing a supervillain’s lair? Absolutely not. Anyway, Nathaniel, who I suspect may be our van Helsing equivalent for this story, is the president of the Mercian Archaeological Society, a history nut who knows more about this part of England than anyone else, and Uncle Richard wants Adam to meet him. They’ll be meeting up to have a dinner and a chat. Now, all of that sounds like nice, relavent information that’ll help move the story along, yes? We have a mysterious noble family who have long been absent from the area, a very knowledgeable archaeologist who will get along with our main character, and we get some information about the area this story is going to be set in. Well, yes, it’s all very nice information to have. And it’s all presented in one fucking huge paragraph of dialogue. In the Internet Archive version of the text, which looks to me like a digitization of the actual book, that giant infodump takes place over ONE AND A HALF PAGES. And immediately after that info dump, we get a few short paragraphs where nobody talks, it’s just travelling, and we find out Uncle Richard’s house/estate is called Lesser Hill. Because it’s on top of a hill that is not quiet as big as another hill nearby (which has a castle on it, presumably Castra Regis). It’s a little bit of breathing room from that last giant hunk of dialogue, which ends when we meet Nathaniel de Salis, who beat them back to the house and was waiting for them.  “Adam, from the moment of their eyes meeting, felt as if they were already friends. The meeting was a new note of welcome to those that had already sounded in his ears.” Great, good, so you think that the rest of this chapter will be the dinner between these three history nerds, and we’ll start to get an idea of what Adam’s character is actually like, correct? Welll...not quite.  The entire dinner is sort of glossed over, and while conversation is mentioned as happening, we don’t get any of that. We’re told that Adam really shows off his excitement for local history and that he’s an eager learner, but we don’t see any of that, and instead we move on to their after dinner wine chat, wherein Nathaniel drops formality because of the close relationship between him and Richard, Adam is cool with this, both the old men “felt touched, but, with the usual avoidance of Englishmen of emotional subjects personal to themselves, they instinctively moved to the previous question.” Gotta love that stiff upper lip. Whatever that previous question was, I’m not sure, because this was the conversation they had after dinner, aka the only conversation we’re privy to because it’s the only one Stoker actually writes out:  “I gather from your uncle—by the way, I suppose we had better speak of you as uncle and nephew, instead of going into exact relationship? In fact, your uncle is so old and dear a friend, that, with your permission, I shall drop formality with you altogether and speak of you and to you as Adam, as though you were his son.”

“I would wish, sir,” answered the young man, “nothing better in the world!” So you can see my confusion here, because Adam doesn’t appear to have asked anything. Adam, for the most part, hasn’t done a heck of a lot of talking so far except to ask questions that lead to huge chunks of information being thrown at the readers. Which of course, is exactly what happens next: “I understand, Adam, that your uncle has posted you regarding the relationships of the Caswall family?”

“Partly, sir; but I understood that I was to hear minuter details from you—if you would be so good.” AAAAH ADAM. WHY. He asked for minute details, and minute details is WHAT WE FUCKING GET, because according to Nathanial, the history of the Caswall family is a parallel contemporary to that of England. Nathaniel then proceeds, via several paragraphs of dialogue (unbroken by any other character), to give us a more detailed account of the information Uncle Richard gave us in his own page and a half of information. The first Caswall on record was an Edgar, “who came into his kingdom just about the time that George III did”, he and his son had a ‘violent quarrel’, the specifics of which have been lost, the son left and never came back and eventually Edgar the father died. Edgar the son married and lived abroad and never talked to his own son about his previous life, and because of that, subsequent generations just...didn’t know anything about this estate and lands waiting for them back in England. It’s all very Downton Abbey, and admittedly, Nathaniel does a better job telling us this information than Uncle Richard does (it’s not quite as eye glazing), but again, this is information we ALREADY got. And we still know VERY LITTLE about our protagonist, and we don’t know what he thinks about any of this. Seriously, after coming from Jonathan and the Dracula Squad, Adam Salton is about as interesting as a plywood board. We’ve been told things about him: he’s from Australia, he likes horses, he’s a history buff and wrote a paper on Roman Britain, and he likely doesn’t have much of a life back in Australia if he’s willing to just drop it all and move to England to be with a grand-uncle he’s only spoken to for about a year. We’re not shown what it’s like for Adam to be in England, not given any sort of sense of culture shock or discomfort with how different things are from Australia. And we’ve been told that Adam is specifically from West Australia, the part of Australia that is mostly made up of the Outback. He’s likely not from the Outback, he’s probably from somewhere around Perth, but still, it’s a very different environment. Heck, it’s a completely different time zone! We should be at least seeing Adam as somewhat exhausted from this, even if he got to England a few days before meeting with Uncle Richard proper...though this may be weak criticism because I’m not sure if there was an equivalent to jet lag in the late 19th/early 20th century...ANYWAY, the point is we’ve been told all of this about Adam but we haven’t gotten a chance to actually see it. I’m not sure if it’s because of the omnipotent 3rd person narration or because most of the plot and dialogue has been moved forward so far by Richard or Nathaniel, but needless to say, it’s a little irritating and I’m hoping that’s going to change soon. Ah well. Anyway, we get some more Downton Abbey style inheritance drama re: the Caswall estate that all ties itself up nicely (any possible female branch heirs marry out, the long lost heir was found, lawyers can do everything, etc), and we get a description of the Caswalls. Once again, Stoker refers to a family group as a ‘race’, which...yeah, really not liking that wording, especially here, because these are the given common characteristics of members of the Caswall family: “These were well preserved and unchanging; one and all they are the same: cold, selfish, dominant, reckless of consequences in pursuit of their own will. It was not that they did not keep faith, though that was a matter which gave them little concern, but that they took care to think beforehand of what they should do in order to gain their ends. If they should make a mistake someone else should bear the burthen of it. This was so perpetually recurrent that it seemed to be a part of a fixed policy...They were absolutely cold, hard nature. Not one of them—so far as we have any knowledge—was ever known to be touched by the softer sentiments, to swerve from his purpose, or hold his hand in obedience to the dictates of his heart...The aquiline features which marked them seemed to justify every personal harshness. The pictures and effigies of them all show their adherence to the early Roman type. Their eyes were full; their hair, of raven blackness, grew thick and close and curly. Their figures were massive and typical of strength.” Lovely sounding bunch, aren’t they? Putting aside descriptions about looks and physical prowess, the Caswalls sound like a bunch of dicks. No wonder they had an argument that technically didn’t end for a hundred years.  And it’s here of course that things start to get uncomfortable: “The thick black hair growing low down on the neck told of vast physical strength and endurance. But the most remarkable characteristic is the eyes. Black, piercing, almost unendurable, they seem to contain in themselves a remarkable will power which there is no gainsaying. It is a power that is partly racial and partly individual: a power impregnated with some mysterious quality, partly hypnotic, partly mesmeric, which seems to take away from eyes that meet them all power of resistance, nay, deeper, all power of wishing to resist. With eyes like those set in that aquiline, all-commanding face one would need to be strong indeed to even think of resisting the inflexible will that lay beyond.” Stoker using the term ‘race’ to refer to families, an awkward decision already, has taken on a darker tone, implying that the Caswalls have some sort of inherent mystical power based on their race, and that their unpleasant personality traits manifest in their appearance as well. Now, I’m not going to try and guess which group Stoker was stereotyping here with any level of certainty, lest I fuck up and say something stupid or offensive (and if I do, please let me know, I’m human and I make mistakes but I honestly don’t want to offend or hurt anyone), but man, Stoker...it was bad enough when you were portraying Romanians as ignorant and superstitious (particularly when they were RIGHT to be superstitious) and bad enough that you had to write out all the accents phonetically in Dracula so everyone can go ‘oh look these people talk different they’re not speaking proper english blah blah blah’, I really shouldn’t be surprised that you’re gonna take low blows at other ethnic groups... But you know what makes this all even worse? Nathaniel admits that he’s never met a member of this family! He’s just making this shit up based on his imagination, because it’s ‘imagination based on deep study’! Which sounds like bullshit to me! Bullshit that Nathanial doubles down on with more racist crap, saying that “various members of the race had always been under my observation—that they are even under it still” AND that he thinks this group is predisposed to SELL THEMSELVES TO THE DEVIL. And are more likely to BE POSSESSED BY DEMONS. WHAT THE FUCK, STOKER. THIS IS CHAPTER 2 OF A 44 CHAPTER BOOK. What did these people ever do to you? Exist? Not be WASPs? My dude, you were IRISH. YOU KNOW HOW THE BRITISH TREAT THE IRISH. And YES, I know you were Protestant, and yes, I know you were a monarchist, so maybe you missing the forest for the colonizing trees makes sense, but STILL. This is gonna get worse, isn’t it. It almost certainly is. Fuck. I knew this book had a reputation for being offensive and racist, but I thought it was in the typical early 20th century way, like ‘oh grandpa was raised in a different time’ sort of way! Which obviously is still bad, but Christ... And on that uncomfortable note, the conversation is ended by Nathanial, who wants to go walking with Adam in the morning to show him around and help him get a feel for the place and the country (a nice thought that he immediately sours by mentioning that he wants to do this while this Caswall info dump is fresh in Adam’s head). And off they go to bed. Some notes: -Obviously, there’s a lot of stuff to call bad in this chapter. Adam is still barely a character, the way the characters are interacting is awkward, we’re just getting these giant chunks of information about things but we’re not really sure why we’re getting this...seriously, why does Adam need to know about the Caswalls? -Uncle Richard basically disappeared from the second half of this chapter after Nathaniel showed up. Maybe an interjection or two from him to stop Nathaniel from monologuing would have helped, but given that he had his own monologue earlier, I doubt it. -I am still charmed by the idea that Uncle Richard is proud of his old carriage, has an older carriage that he thinks is better, and likes showing them off along with his horses. He’s a car guy, sort of! -I did read chapter 3 as well, and my original plan was to do that along with this chapter in this post, but given how long this was, and given how this chapter ended, I figured...let’s just leave that alone for now.

[ibijau]

How to Woo a Lan pt1 / On AO3

Jin Ling is determined to court Lan Sizhui, but can't seem to say two words to him without insulting him. He decides that what he needs is the help of someone who has already successfully seduced a Lan, and he knows something about Nie Huaisang that others don't.

It had been, to put it mildly, a bit of a wild year. Jin Ling had gone from being treated as a child by everyone who met him and being barely mature enough to be trusted alone on a Night Hunt, to having to behave like a full grown adult because he suddenly was the leader of a cut-throat sect that was half falling apart after the early death of its corrupt former leader.

Fifteen was never an easy age, but Jin Ling was pretty sure he had it a little rougher than most people.

Of course, it could have been worse. For one thing, he could have been dead. In fact, he had come pretty close to it a few times, most memorably when he was kidnapped and trapped in the Burial Mounds with other juniors, and when his beloved uncle Jin Guangyao had used him as a hostage and threatened to cut his throat open with a guqin string if he wasn’t allowed to run away after it was revealed he had murdered a number of people, like Jin Ling’s grandfather, and indirectly caused the death of others, like Jin Ling’s father. And then after that there had been a handful of other attempts on Jin Ling’s life once he had become sect leader, because he had older relatives who thought they’d be better at the job, or who other people thought would be easier to corrupt… but really, those attempts just hadn’t been very impressive.

Jin Ling had been raised by Jin Guangyao, so he knew a thing or two about avoiding poison. And he’d been raised by Jiang Cheng as well, so even at his age, there weren’t that many adults who could pose a threat to his life, should they directly attack him.

All in all, the murder attempts hadn’t been so bad. The paperwork and meetings, on the other hand, were the worst thing ever. There were so, so many letters to read, and to analyse, and to answer. And then there were Night Hunt reports. Tracking the progress of junior disciples. Bills. An astonishing number of bills, oftentime for things Jin Ling didn’t even understand, so he had to ask during meetings what the sect was spending money on this time. There was a forty percent chance that it was something frivolous he could cut off, and a fifty percent chance that it was just barely concealed corruption, but since there was the ten percent possibility of that bill being something actually useful, Jin Ling still had to investigate every single one, just in case.

With all this going on, Jin Ling was lucky when he could find an hour here and there to meditate, or work on his cultivation, or train Fairy. He had considered skipping sleep from time to time, but Jiang Cheng had heard about it, somehow, and rushed to Jinlin Tai to scream at him about being irresponsible with his health, as if he were any better. Everyone knew Sandu Shengshou ran on two hours of sleep, medical pills, and rage… but apparently Jin Ling wasn’t alone to do the same. Unfair.

Equally unfair was the fact that in the six months between Jin Guangyao’s death and Jin Ling’s fifteenth’s birthday, he had only gone on two night hunts.

The first was… not so bad. Jin Ling had been forced to have some other Jin disciples come along, which was boring, but then they’d all met up with some Lan and with Ouyang Zizhen, which had been pretty nice. Not quite as nice as it could have been if a certain person had been there, but not quite bad either, because Jin Ling had been able to chat with Ouyang Zizhen who was smarter than he looked, and to argue with Lan Jingyi who was fun to have a shouting match with.

And then, there had been that second Night Hunt. Jin Ling, still dealing with the aftermath of a slightly more efficient assassination attempt after which part of Jinlin Tai had really thought him dead for a good shichen and a half, had stumbled upon a man who had come to beg for the help of his sect and decided he’d help with that. He needed a break from his murderous cousins anyway.

So instead, he called the worst asshole he knew to help him deal with this, for fun.

And Lan Jingyi, for some reason known only to him, decided to let Wei Wuxian come as well.

That was the first problem, Jin Ling later decided. If Wei Wuxian hadn’t been there, things would have gone better. But he just didn’t really know where he stood with the man who had, technically, caused both of his parents to die and whom Jin Ling had, technically, tried to murder in return. The man who had also saved his life several times, without any hesitation.

Lan Jingyi knew that Jin Ling had mixed feelings about Wei Wuxian, who he hadn’t seen since the death of Jin Guangyao. So he had to have asked him to come along on purpose, because Lan Jingyi was a damn asshole and Jin Ling hated his guts, for all that he was probably his best friend at this point.

It wasn’t hard to be the best of something when you were almost the only one.

Anyway, Jin Ling should have guessed that Wei Wuxian would get involved in this, so it wasn’t such a surprise.

But then…

Then, when he arrived at the agreed meeting point, Jin Ling saw Lan Sizhui.

It had been six months, almost. In all that time, Jin Ling hadn’t once gotten any news from the older boy. He’d asked Lan Jingyi during that one Night Hunt, and then again when Lan Jingyi had needed to crash in Jinlin Tai some weeks later, in vain. All Lan Jingyi knew was that Lan Sizhui had gone away with Lan Wangji’s blessing, and that nobody could tell when he’d be back… or if he’d come back at all for that matter, which Jin Ling had found rather ominous. Sure, Lan Sizhui’s father figure had officially married another man, and not the best of men at that, but was it reason enough to run away? Did Lan Sizhui hate Wei Wuxian in particular, or did he have a problem with all cut sleeves? In the first case, it was understandable. In the second case, Jin Ling’s heart would be crushed forever and he would never know happiness again.

But Lan Sizhui was there, and standing next to Wei Wuxian when Jin Ling arrived, chatting with a peaceful yet happy expression and looking quite animated, at least by Lan standards. Jin Ling had the sensation that the two of them hadn’t met in a while, which Lan Sizhui personally confirmed later when Jin Ling had a talk to him as well.

Six months wasn’t such a long time, and yet it had felt an eternity. Lan Sizhui hadn’t grown during that time away, not exactly, but he had a new air of maturity to himself, a certain spark in his eyes that said he had seen more than most others his age. He was a little less willowy as well, his clothes fitting differently on him compared to before, hinting at more strength than he used to have. His smile, though, remained as gentle as ever.

Jin Ling almost cursed upon seeing him.

It seemed he hadn’t gotten over his stupid crush at all.

Thankfully, for most of this, Jin Ling was too busy with the actual Night Hunt to make too much of a fool of himself. It was a pretty weird situation, with a haunted room in which a thief had died, which then led to a story about a man who had killed multiple women in a very gruesome manner. Jin Ling thought they’d handled that pretty well, really. He even got to be a little cool when he volunteered to stay the night in that haunted room to check if the ghost had really been taken care of. 

Of course it hadn’t, and that was absolutely terrifying, but Jin Ling kept his cool and got to show off to all those Lan disciples in the morning when he recounted what had happened to him. He thought Lan Sizhui looked a little impressed, but that might just have been because he’d been so sure he’d solved the situation with Lan Jingyi the day before. And Jin Ling was also the one to realise the ghost they were dealing with must have been looking for a certain missing body part, which they needed to retrieve if they were to solve the case.

All things considered, Jin Ling thought he had done really great during this whole Night Hunt, and properly demonstrated to everyone, but especially a certain Lan in particular, what a great mature person he had become.

Of course Jin Ling had to ruin that.

It was just the sort of luck he had.

Jin Ling’s only defence was that he’d been exhausted at that point. They’d just spent five entire days looking for a tongue that had been cut off decades earlier, and although it would have been wise to get some sleep before all heading back to their respective sects… but they were young, they were victorious, and the only adult around to supervise them was Wei Wuxian who firmly believed that Lan juniors should be encouraged to misbehave. So of course they had all gathered at an inn, ordered plenty of food, more drink than reasonable (but that was because Wei Wuxian had to be bribed into silence) and had a bit of a party to celebrate their success.

Because Lan Sizhui had been the one to find the ghost’s tongue, everyone wanted to sit with him, it was only natural. Jin Ling had to glare and bare his teeth and elbow a few people so he could sit next to his friend, while Lan Jingyi easily found his place on the other side of Lan Sizhui by virtue of having known him basically since birth. A most unfair advantage, and one more reason to dislike Lan Jingyi, who was luckier than he had any right to be.

Lan Sizhui didn’t appear to notice how much attention was on him. Or if he did, he pretended it didn’t affect him. He just seemed happy to be spending time with everyone, and to no longer be searching around for that damn tongue. Lan Sizhui laughed at other’s jokes, blushed at their praise, made sure that everyone had enough to eat, and just generally behaved like the most perfect person the world had ever known, which he was. Jin Ling was so delighted to have him back around, and happy to see him so admired by everyone else, so of course he had to let it be known in the worst possible way.

“Of course it’s Lan Yuan who gets all the glory,” Jin Ling said at one point, while pouring himself some wine. “Isn’t it always like this? I’m sure some people must have been glad you disappeared for so long, leaving the rest of us a chance to do something. But now that you’re back, I expect it’ll all be about you, right?”

“What do you mean?” Lan Sizhui asked, his beautiful smile falling down.

Jin Ling frowned at the question. What he meant was that Lan Sizhui was, and by far, the best cultivator of their generation, so it was only natural for people to admire him. Sure some others might envy his great skill, but that was their problem, and now that Lan Sizhui was back in the Cloud Recesses, of course he’d gotten back his rightful place in the spotlight.

What else could he have meant?

“I’ve said what I said,” Jin Ling replied. “Don’t pretend you don’t know.”

Sure Gusu Lan valued modesty, but someone as great as Lan Sizhui had to know how good he was at everything, so there was no need to be so humble.

“Shut up or I’ll punch you,” Lan Jingyi threatened, his tone vicious enough to catch the attention of Wei Wuxian who’d been mostly ignoring the juniors in favour of his own jars of wine. 

Even Jin Ling was startled. It was common enough for Lan Jingyi and him to argue. In fact, that was their main bonding activity, they were always bickering, but there was rarely any actual anger to it. If anything, Lan Jingyi usually seemed to enjoy that he had someone he could snap at who wouldn’t scold him for breaking sect rules. But that night, he suddenly looked earnestly furious, and it puzzled Jin Ling.

Must have been the wine, he figured. Those Lan just couldn’t handle alcohol.

“Don’t drink if you can’t deal with it,” Jin Ling said. “And don’t get angry at people just because they’re right.”

Lan Jingyi jumped to his feet, but before he could say anything more, Lan Sizhui grabbed him by the wrist and forced him to sit down away. He had to have put some strength into it, because Lan Jingyi immediately obeyed.

“Jingyi, that’s enough,” Lan Sizhui said, rather more dryly than Jin Ling was used to from him. “If that’s how Jin zongzhu feels, then that’s how it is. I hadn’t meant to be taking the spotlight in an undue manner, and I am sorry if I gave the impression I seek attention. In the future, when working with Jin zongzhu, I’ll be sure to keep my distance to avoid bothering him so much. I thought we’d work as a good team, but…”

Lan Sizhui stood up, fists clenched tight on either side of his body.

“If Jin zongzhu really hates working with me, then of course I’ll respect his choice. Now if you don’t mind, I think I’ll go to bed now. I’ve had a pretty long day.”

He turned away and left the room, leaving behind him a suddenly heavy atmosphere. None of the juniors spoke for a good while, most of them staring at the door through which Lan Sizhui had left. Jin Ling in particular was flabbergasted, scrambling to understand what exactly had just happened there.

At his end of the table, Wei Wuxian snickered as he poured himself more wine.

“You really get your people’s skills from your uncle,” he said, not quite looking at Jin Ling, but quite obviously directed at him nonetheless. “And not the right one for that, might I add. That’s something for you to work on, I’d think.”

“I’m not hearing that from you!” Jin Ling complained. “You’re a weirdo who makes everyone uncomfortable!”

“And yet I caught myself a husband,” Wei Wuxian retorted, wiggling his eyebrows in a manner that should have been illegal around impressionable young people. “Clearly I can’t be so bad at dealing with people. I can give you some lessons, if you’d like? Could teach out to flirt even. Hanguang-Jun thinks I’m very good at it.”

All the juniors shivered in fear at the idea of flirting lessons from Wei Wuxian. Even Lan Jingyi threw Jin Ling a sympathetic glance, before remembering he had randomly decided to be furious at his friend and glaring at him.

“Who… who’d want lessons from you about anything?” Jin Ling exclaimed. Then, because he tried to be fair, he added: “Unless it’s about Night Hunting. You’re good at that, when you stop acting all goofy. But for everything else, you’re too weird! If Hanguang-Jun didn’t have such weird tastes to begin with…”

The Lan juniors exploded at the implication their personal hero Lan Wangji was anything less than perfect in all aspects.

“Watch it, Jin zongzhu!”

“Hanguang-Jun’s tastes are excellent for almost everything!”

“It wasn’t enough to be mean to Sizhui, now you have to also go after Hanguang-Jun?”

That last one puzzled Jin Ling, who blinked numbly, trying to understand at what point, exactly, he’d been mean to Lan Sizhui. Before he could ask about that, Wei Wuxian started cackling and thanked all the juniors present for approving of his marriage. This backfired when it turned out that the boys were, in fact, very supportive of the union, and had drunk just enough to not feel ashamed about it. Wei Wuxian, always so quick to tease others with great declarations of affection at a bad moment, completely collapsed under that unexpected wave of affection, which pushed the Lan juniors to be even more demonstrative, until everyone’s attention was on Wei Wuxian.

Jin Ling took his chance and left the table without being noticed, suddenly needing some fresh air. He couldn’t go very far, in case others started to worry, but he still left the inn and started walking up and down the street where it stood, trying to put some order in his thoughts.

He didn’t think that he had been rude to Lan Sizhui, of course. Or at least, he had certainly not intended to be. But between intentions and results there could be a world of difference, and it was true that Jin Ling was sometimes… he tried hard, he really did. He wanted to be as smooth as Jin Guangyao had been (though with less secrets), and he wanted to be as respected as Jiang Cheng was (though preferably without needing to resort on inspiring fear quite as much). But he had a tendency to sometimes say the wrong thing. 

More than sometimes. 

Things would be quite clear in his mind, and then he opened his mouth and said something that pissed off everyone. It didn’t usually matter too much, because he was Lanling Jin’s sect leader, meaning he had enough money and power that people wouldn’t dare get angry at him too openly. But it had always been more of a problem when it came to his personal life. He’d gotten in many fights with his various cousins over the years because they deemed him rude and proud. 

With juniors of other sects, he didn’t really get along all that well either, for the same reason, not until everything that happened in Yi city the year before… and even that had more to do with the people he’d met than with any personal improvement. Ouyang Zizhen was just the sort of person who got along with everyone, even with spoiled brats like Jin Ling. Lan Jingyi was an awful little pest, but he hadn’t been scared by Jin Ling’s status in the least, so they’d quickly found a way to co-exist, even if most people didn’t realise they’d become good friends. And as for Lan Sizhui… well, he was the most perfect person in the world, patient in spite of Jin Ling’s temper, kind to everyone, always striving to bring peace around him, always willing to see the best in others.

Jin Ling stumbled, and nearly fell face first into the dirt of the street.

Lan Sizhui had really looked upset when he’d left, so Jin Ling really must have said something wrong. The most perfect, most patient person in the world, and Jin Ling had managed to make him angry. That really wasn’t a good way to start courting someone.

And he wanted to court Lan Sizhui. Seeing him again after a few months had only made it clear to Jin Ling that this wasn’t just a crush, it was love. He was in love with Lan Sizhui, and determined to make him fall in love back… somehow.

What he needed was… what he needed…

Somewhere behind him, the inn’s door cracked open, just enough for Wei Wuxian to peek outside.

“Jin Ling, it’s getting late!” he shouted, uncaring that he might wake up the whole street. “Everyone’s going to bed and you should as well.”

“I’m not tired.”

“Don’t make me come get you,” Wei Wuxian warned. “Come, you’ll feel better in the morning. Just apologise to Sizhui at breakfast and he won’t hold it against you, he’s a good boy like that.”

Mortified at the idea that Wei Wuxian might try to drag him to bed like a petulant child, Jin Ling made his way back to the inn. He was annoyed though. He’d been on the verge of a great idea when Wei Wuxian had called for him, and now he’d lost it. Hopefully, he’d remember later.

Right then, he just went to sleep as ordered.

In the morning Jin Ling apologised to Lan Sizhui, though he still wasn’t sure what he’d said wrong, and Lan Sizhui apologised back for reacting so strongly to a little bit of criticism. Jin Ling hadn’t dared to say he hadn’t meant to criticise, because then he’d have had to explain he was trying to compliment Lan Sizhui, and everyone was there watching them, and it would have been too embarrassing.

The Lan then left to head back to Gusu, while Jin Ling had to return to Lanling to write a report on this situation they had solved.

The whole time he flew towards home, he couldn’t help but wondered if he hadn’t somehow managed to ruin his entire love life at the ripe age of fifteen, just because his mouth and his brain couldn’t get along.

[kitkatixx]

kirukiyo headcanons (long ish)

If you haven’t noticed-- these two are my otp, and v3 did them both dirty... both in terms of plot and their few interactions (hi, utdp, i’m surprised they didn’t have an event with direct interaction)

I haven’t done these formally but figured I’d drop a few of my headcanons as of now, since the ideas I have for these two are fluid, but the base nature of their relationship remains about the same. You’ll see below the cut, they’re fairly in depth and give some flavor to the characters (especially Kirumi) 

general summary 

Subtle, subtle, subtle. 

These two are experts at keeping their relationship under the table, and it takes the rest of the class--perceptive ones included-- quite a bit of time to figure out they’ve been together, even though many a student (Kokichi, Miu, Rantaro, Kaede) have made jokes about their likeness to a married couple. 

While they are more than capable of adapting to the scenario, both of them are private individuals at heart, in spite how their talents require them to be around people nearly at all times. So for Kirumi especially, she prefers someone mature who can respect her desire to keep the limelight out of her personal life. After all, she prefers to keep her home and (incredibly taxing, chaotic) work life separate... 

That being said, it is no secret to Class 79 (what I’ve dubbed the v3 cast in my HPA AU) and the upperclassmen (SDR2, DR3, THH) that the Ultimate Maid is a stubborn workaholic.

Thus, it takes a specific type of person to ‘get through’ to her-- specifically requesting her presence at refreshments, politely stopping her in the hallway for a conversation, all as cleverly disguised ‘breaks’ without infringing upon her time and duties. Even if it’s only momentary, small steps, persistence, and patience are key with her, as there is a fine line between obligation and devotion to one’s craft. 

Korekiyo happens to be able to see past the professional ‘selflessly devoted’ front that Kirumi maintains nearly at all times, having had the opportunity to observe numerous types of people in his time as an anthropologist, and given what was seen in canon, it’s fairly evident that he was intrigued, speaking highly of her post trial (he even has a FTE in her lab!) 

Initially, her insistence on wholeheartedly embodying the values of a proper maid piqued his attention, leading to him to take an interest in getting to know her more-- what makes Miss Tojo who she is, exactly? What motivates her to behave in such a way? And what of the human side of the Ultimate Maid? Such were the questions he wished to answer, and as any good researcher would do, it was necessary to approach this in a straightforward, concise manner.

Because of this unorthodox approach to getting to know her (indirectly) for a scholarly reason, Kirumi had no reason to decline his invitations to converse or shoo him away from observing her everyday duties as she would have done under normal circumstances. This in particular gave Korekiyo an advantage over many of his other peers, who would have had difficulty a) approaching her b) maintaining a sizeable conversation with her before moving onto her next task. 

Eventually, the two would find they share similar interests (Victorian customs, tea preparation, etc), and get along well with each other; the meetings that began as strictly for research evolve into moments where two friends are talking. 

Down the line, someone catches feels. 

Now as for who that could be... let’s move to the next section to answer that.

a few typical who does/is relationship headcanons:

1. Who makes the first move and how?

Korekiyo does. While Kirumi eventually does develop feelings for him first, she won’t act on them out of concern that the quality of her work will be compromised, and stays quiet. Korekiyo, however, takes a little longer after mulling over whether his emotions can be chalked up to his general adoration for all of humanity or genuine feelings for her. He does pick up on small changes in her behavior and routine-- serving his preferred meals and tea at just the right temperature, being especially open to assisting him even when she’s terribly busy, and so on, which motivate him to make the first move. Very small, but incredibly thoughtful of her. He’s always liked the details. 

The anthropologist is quite capable of being romantic if he so desires, but decides that with her in particular, it would be best to be polite and to the point. Of course, this is Korekiyo we are talking about, so he’ll still put his own twist on it-- so most likely discreetly slipping her a letter with a proper wax stamp on it expressing his feelings and a carnation, which in Japanese flower language is associated with fascination and distinction. 

The letter’s contents include notes of the uniquely human aspects of her he finds especially beautiful, and are highly specific: the faint curve of her mouth that appears for a split-second (when she thinks no one is looking) after someone receives retribution for their antics, her deft, graceful movements as she slices into vegetables and pours tea, the glint in her eye that appears after a particularly challenging request is given... the list could go on and on, he writes, but it would be far too long to be appropriate for this letter, yet Kirumi Tojo’s identity is so much more than only the Ultimate Maid. 

Lastly, it finishes with an attached sketch depicting one of the moments ‘when she is the most beautiful,’ showing her in her element... broom in hand, small frown on face, and scolding someone (read: Kokichi) After all, while many miss it, Korekiyo has picked up on the angry micro expressions that flit across her face after something particularly irritating has just occurred, and he loves them-- they make her humanity shine through. 

Subsequently, it would prompt her to meet somewhere secluded in the evening if she reciprocates-- her missing presence would be more than enough for him to take the hint. Not that she intended on doing so.

2. Who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better?

You’d think it would be Kirumi, but no, Korekiyo is, beneath his unusual charm and charisma, by a margin. After the passing of his sister, it left him hesitant to get close to people at a personal level, which contributes to how he ended up choosing anthropology-- not only to travel and experience the world when she could not, but because it allows for one to be ‘close’ to humans in a removed manner. So while he can easily wax poetry about nearly anything about humans, cultures, or a person, he does this in a very ‘scientific manner’ at times, preferring to view things as an observer rather than a participator. Of course, this aspect of him was integrated into his identity long before HPA, but it is this distanced nature that contributed to his initial indecisiveness about whether his feelings are organic, and the occasional concern about how much emotional intimacy he is obligated to show in a relationship. Luckily, Kirumi isn’t the type to absolutely need direct communication in a relationship, and is more subtle in demeanor as well.

Having been in the service industry for years and hiding her own emotions (from herself as well), Kirumi is proficient at recognizing others’ needs, and picks up on these issues seamlessly. She isn’t exactly the best at opening up either (this is an area of improvement for both of them), but still makes attempts to directly talk to him about this. Generally, their form of communication is largely nonverbal, being highly in tune with each other-- to this couple, actions speak louder than words, but issues like these are best addressed face-to-face, with words, before they fester. 

3. Who is the most romantic?

The anthropologist takes the cake here by societal standards-- his love language is giving gifts and words of affirmation, whereas Kirumi prefers acts of service (no surprise there!) but both share quality time as a commonality, and are very attentive towards each other. Regardless of the gift, Korekiyo is always sure to pick something thoughtful and practical, the way she likes things-- though now and then there’s something more material with emotional value in the mix, which she secretly likes. Kirumi is not used to people being so direct in this department with her, so while she’ll politely cite her preference for gifts as something useful, the silk gloves and other paraphernalia he gets her are a nice way to validate she has an identity outside of being a maid.

Not to mention that he has a way with words, and is incredibly proficient at finding 50 unique ways to compliment her in public, much to her chagrin (and hidden embarrassment,) but he takes pride in, citing that she should be more proud of her accomplishments. Nevertheless, Korekiyo still finds her indirect way of showing affection endearing, especially when she attempts to politely deflect compliments as ‘doing what any maid worth their salt would have done.’ 

Some things never change... even though he and the other members of Class 79 have slowly gotten her to be more open about accepting assistance from others (she’s overworked herself and passed out once!) 

4. Who can’t keep their hands to themselves?

Again, while both of them are capable of (and prefer) being lowkey in public, it’s free real estate in private, so once again, this goes to Korekiyo. His official love language isn’t physical touch, but he embodies all five of them quite well, this one very much included. 

Kirumi, on the other hand, doesn’t like PDA out of professionalism, which makes her a bit hesitant, even in the privacy of his or her room to be comfortable with it. This isn’t to say she isn’t curious or won’t even consider the possibility, but it takes her a considerable amount of time to warm up to it. Initially, the most you’ll see from them in public is subtle touches on each other’s hand-- little playful taps here and there-- which then morph into holding hands when no one’s around to see it. In private, they’re more willing to be physically close (think head in lap while reading), and Kirumi’s brushed his hair on more than one occasion. It should be noted that one of the most intimate moments the two have had was holding hands in private without any sort of fabric acting as a barrier. 

However, Korekiyo does have a cheekier side that slips out (more slyly playful to incite something interesting/fluster her) and is known to slip an arm around her waist, pulling her in close. If you squint, you might catch a faint flush on the usually unflappable Kirumi. Bonus points if this is during the evening, and a breeze blows by. Bonus bonus if this is in public, during broad daylight. 

The ‘class dad’ has to assert his dominance every now and then over the unruly children, no? 

5. Who says ‘I love you’ first?

Love comes in a lot of different forms and of course, at each person’s pace. Both of them circle around this topic and have essentially said it nonverbally before, but the first to vocalize it is most likely still Korekiyo. It’s not in Kirumi’s nature to be direct about her emotions (but for duties and professional matters, absolutely), so it’s up to him to say he loves her first. 

It’s most likely uttered in private, accompanied with a small kiss, and very quietly-- so quiet you can barely catch it, but that doesn’t matter, because only the one who needs to hear it the most will. 

conclusion

Three words best describe this relationship: mature, meaningful, and synchronized.

Both of these individuals are aloof and formal on the surface level, but if one takes the time to truly get to know them, there’s quite the intense fire burning underneath in the form of being utterly devoted to each other every step of the way. Of course, this is all done in a very reserved manner, and if they don’t want you to know about it, you won’t. 

Well, if you got here, thank you for reading all of this. I’ve liked this ship for a while, and I remember being nervous to create content-- I’m sure know how volatile fandom life can be, no? Hope you enjoyed my take and spins on their relationship, and I might post more later. 

Feel free to request or drop something in the askbox for these two.