FYI every purchase of any of The Adventure Zone music on Griffin McElroy's Bandcamp will be entirely donated to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund for the rest of 2023. His music is set at 'name your price', and the McElroys are also going to match the donations.
If you've listened to even a bit of any TAZ campaign, you surely know what a fantastic musician Griffin is, and there is no better time to purchase his music than now.
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so a fun fact abt me is that I work at a print counter, and some days I get bored and make something for myself in secret. A fact that is not helped by my access to design software both in and out of work.
As such, I've begun designing things before work in preparation for me to be bored while at work.
Recently, this has resulted in these business cards being produced.
and I don't think I need to elaborate any more on this.
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I've only ever had a lucid dream once and ever since then I have decided to never do it again cause it was the eeriest fucking scene ever.
Picture this, you're in a house you've slept at before, not your house, a house you went to a sleepover at. You wake up in this house, but... something isn't quite right. You're in the living room, but your bed is there, and on a raised platform with 3 steps that are impossible to go up because of how high the platform is. You look down, and 6 people are sitting on the couch blankly staring at static on the TV. The room is dark, the only light is the TV and an eerie red lighting coming from somewhere you can't quite determine. You can only see 3 of the 6 people's faces. They're not supposed to be in this house with you, but you know them, they're family. The other 3 people have their faces obscured or unclear. You think to yourself who they could be and a thought pops up: "Wouldn't it be weird if they were clones of the 3 people I see on the couch" JUST as you think that, the 3 people you previously couldn't recognize turn to look DIRECTLY at you. You were right. The three others sitting on the couch are duplicated. However, something isn't quite right about the duplicates. They stare at you, a soulless look in their eye, a huge smile plastered on their faces, inhuman and contorted, their teeth just a bit too big, and just as the image of their unnerving stare is burned into your memory forever... you wake up. In your own bed. At your own house. Completely safe.
So, I'm never lucid dreaming again, cause if there's anything I'm scared of, it's my own brain.
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artist cred; wandering_nicky || IG
Distorted visions of my demons
My reflection has no meaning
I whisper secrets to my mirror,
And in the silence, I see you clearer
Chained to this place, stay here with me
A silent plea to set you free
You see my shadow in the hallways
I've been lost here in this dark haze
- Secrets // Amira Elfeky
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you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
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