#healthy anxceit

[halfhissandwich]

This is what your favorite sanders sides ship says about you. (This isn’t serious, lol)

Karrot Kings: Your priority is keeping things wholesome, uncontroversial and most likely canon.

Thomas x any side: You will NOT explain how it works, you just make the fanart and have fun with it.

Nico x any side: You like Karrot Kings, but a bit less healthy.

DRLAMP: You will scramble to explain that Roman and Remus are platonic. It’s okay, buddy, we know.

Logicality: You’ve been in the fandom for a long time.

Logince: Your ideal relationship dynamic is not enemies to lovers. It’s enemies AND lovers.

Analogical: Your ideal relationship dynamic is two people with common sense being put up with everyone else’s nonsense.

Loceit: The same joke as analogical, plus alcohol.

Intrulogical: You’re a firm believer in the power of triggering your boyfriend’s anger issues for funsies.

Royality; Your ideal relationship dynamic is best friends to lovers engaged in wacky hijinks.

Moxiety: You want good things for Virgil.

Moceit; Your ideal relationship dynamic is two dads realizing that instead of fighting for custody, they could just get married.

Intruality: Your ideal relationship dynamic is “hi daddy x oh my god how did you get in my house”

Prinxiety: You enjoy the dynamic of two boyfriends talking crap about their enemies.

Roceit: You like the idea of prinxiety, but you like angst even more.

Remrom: You think that since they’re all the same person anyway, it’s not as weird if they call each other brother. It’s still weird. Go take a shower and reflect.

Anxceit: Your ideal relationship dynamic is stalking your ex.

Dukexiety: Your ideal relationship dynamic is stalking.

Dukeceit: Your ideal relationship dynamic is best friends to lovers engaged in wacky hijinks, but like in an Disney villain way.

Loyality (L x P x Ro): You wanted to ship all the light sides, or you shipped Royality and wanted them to annoy Logan.

Analogince (L x V x Ro): You’re a firm believer in the power of two boyfriends with common sense babysitting their boyfriend who lacks common sense.

Royaliceit (Ro x P x J): You don’t understand why all the ship wars exist when Janus has two hands. Technically six.

Intruloceit (Re x L x J): You want Logan to join the dark sides.

Intruloceitxiety (Re x V x J x L): You want Logan to join the dark sides, but you want him to hesitate.

Intrumoceit (Re x J x P); You like the idea of Intruloceit, but you like Patton even more.

Intruanxceit (Re x V x J): You either wanted to ship the dark sides or you’re just… really sad.

Royalixiety (P x V x Ro): Your interest in shipping Loyality is outweighed by you wanting good things for Virgil.

Logicaliceit (J x P x L): You REALLY want good things for Patton.

(Might add to this later by request lol)

[sanderssidesthehouse]

Casual observer of your gradual slip into obsession with Anxceit so I'm wondering if we could get your shipinions? (For the ask meme.)

I would love to give my shipinions!

I actually wasn't that into them until I started making those playlists (master post, anxceit link), but now I can't stop myself. There's just so much, so many possibilities, and no answers to be had (yet).

They are currently exes to me. It could be healthy, it could be toxic, it could be left in the past. Something I've said before that I think it sums it up well: "Maybe it's about what was. Maybe it's about what could have been. Maybe it's about what is. Maybe it's about what could never be."

All I know is that it's devastating and tragic but also has the potential to be the most beautiful love story you've ever seen. And if not, I'm a fan of toxic yaoi, too. I literally can't lose.

Another quote from me: "I absolutely need to know what Virgil’s deal with Janus is and if it’s anything like my theories bc there are so many ways that could go, all of which being angsty and fun. Like did Virgil assume something and spiral? Could Janus not manage to tell the truth when it was important? Was it a single incident or many? I am unwell about them."

I think it would be amazingly angsty if after all this time they still knew each other best. Like maybe they don't know each others current favorite foods or movies, but they know each others deepest fears and how to calm each other down and what each others most formative moments were. I like the idea of them having deeply entrenched history.

They are prime for 'bad thing happens and suddenly you're the person I turn to and it's different now but I never stopped loving you and we'll have to work through that all later, but for now please just hold me' or 'we still have a lot to unpack but I trust you with this thing that is important to me bc I know you can and will do it'.

Them both having protecting roles is very interesting and it would make so much sense if that's why they had a falling out in the first place. I explored one possibility of what that would look like in Why Do I, excerpt here: "The thing about Deceit- Janus- Self Preservation, whatever you wanted to call him, was that he had one singular agenda: Make sure Thomas gets what he needs and then what he wants, regardless of who he has to cut through to do it. And so, once upon a time, Virgil ended up with a knife in his back."

A second excerpt: "And whenever something happening to Thomas would make Virgil freak out, Janus would have Thomas lie it away." I wrote while thinking about how lying can affect anxiety and Anxiety. When you lie, there's always the chance of getting caught, which can potentially be more stressful than the thing you lied about, and if you get caught too many times, it's the boy who cried wolf which would also be a very anxiety inducing situation bc what if you really need someone to believe you?

There's also the fact that this would increase avoidant behavior. Janus CANNOT defer to Virgil if he wants to keep c!Thomas safe bc long term that would be disastrous to his health. Sometimes things that are good for you are scary. But this in particular is related mostly to their jobs so they shouldn't be taking it personally, especially since 'dark' sides know better than anyone that they can't help what their jobs are, they just have to do them.

I feel like I'm just going to end up talking a really long time only to end up no where, so I'll end this here, but absolutely ask me specific questions if you want to know what I think bc I have so many thoughts.

[yourchemicallyimbalancedromance]

Checkmate

Ship: Anxceit (Whumpee!Virgil, Whumper!Janus)

CW/TW: (be aware that what I am about to describe is not censored.) graphic themes and descriptions of violence, this includes: forcing someone to relapse with self injury, allusion to past self harm, cutting someone with a knife, mind games/emotional abuse, malnourishment/starvation, talk of weight in numbers, themes of suicide and suicidal ideation (this is pretty detailed, you have been warned.)

Summary: After Virgil joins the light sides, Janus slowly reaches a psychotic break due to abandonment and feelings of betrayal and takes it upon himself to take Virgil back to where he belongs, via kidnapping him and holding him in the dark side of the mind palaces basement, AKA the subconscious.

A/N: this is my first time writing Whump, so If anything feels rushed or misplaced please understand that I am a beginner to writing these kinds of things. I am personally not open to (constructive) criticism—I am really sensitive when it comes to things I’m passionate about 😭—so please, let me learn at my own pace if things do need to be changed around a bit, thank you!<3

(I’m editing this at 12:44 AM because I can’t sleep so, uh, surprise oneshot release I guess? Idk 😭🙏🏻)

———————————————————————

Janus’ eyes glimmered as he stared at the rusty chains that were around Virgil’s wrists, the ones keeping him shackled against the wall of the basement, leaving his arms raised up in the air and his legs crisscrossed beneath him. Virgil’s head had fallen against his chest in defeat after trying to scream into the dark abyss for help again, quickly realizing that his pleas wouldn’t be heard with the muffling of a rag in his mouth.

His lower jaw poked at his collarbones with horrendous uncomfortability from the consequences of malnourishment. He was already relatively small—around 115 pounds or so—and the past few days without food were weighing on him. His bones protruded like knives against his skin. You could see the outline of his collarbones to his shoulder blades through his torn up band tee. His bangs—or what was left of them—had fallen over his eyes, keeping him from seeing Janus whose gaze had shifted to Virgils face, eerily delighted.

Virgil thrashed his head around—though in reality more like hazily bobbed it in circles—trying his hardest to spit out the aforementioned rag that Janus had put there after his lazy attempt at being noticed by the others on the second day of his kidnapping. On the first, Janus had knocked him out hard enough to where he drifted in and out of consciousness, leaving Janus enough time to chain him up without a struggle. Despite the chains, he actually thought he could trust Virgil to not scream for help. He was wrong, hence, the rag.

It had now been five and a half days since his initial kidnapping, and the light sides seemed to have gone off of the deep end…almost. Patton had shut down, preventing himself from feeling any kind of emotion due to the fact that if he even shed one tear, it would lead to a messy and disgusting breakdown. Logan wouldn’t come out of his room for anything at all, as he was drowning himself in as much work as possible, writing and re-writing scripts even if he thought they were already pristine and perfect as was, he needed something to keep himself from flying off the hinges. And Roman was…quiet, withdrawn. He wasn’t his usual ego-centric self anymore, he was timid, almost like a ghost or a shell of who he once was. You could practically call him a people-pleaser. All of them had their own ways of grasping for the tiniest bit of control they had left, and it was shocking to see what came out of it.

But Virgil couldn’t comprehend any of this as Janus updated him on it day by day, Janus’ way of slowly ripping Virgils freshly acquired healthy emotional state apart by using his new “found family” as a means of revenge for the gaping would of abandonment Virgil had left him with. Hell, between Virgils drug induced haze and all the sheer sharp pain searing throughout his body, he could barely comprehend where he was. But one thing stopped him from forgetting his new surroundings completely, and that was Janus.

Janus leaned down and took Virgil’s face in his hands roughly, forcing Virgil to look him in the eyes. Virgil’s eyes were dim and worn out, as if he wasn’t all there, like he was somewhere else in his head. He looked so, so very tired. It was almost thrilling for Janus. Virgil had always been one to get lost in his head as a way of coping with things that were out of his control.

“I think,” Janus hissed, the sound full of no-longer suppressed anger and a slight tinge of fear over the fact that Virgil could have been found had he not noticed his pitiful cries when he did a few days ago, “we should play a game.”

The small lightbulb that hung from a loose wire (seemingly appearing from thin air, there was no way to tell where the lightbulbs origin came from) between them illuminated the human side of Janus’ face harshly, putting the crazed look in his eyes on display for only Virgil to see. It felt like Janus could see into his soul, read his thoughts, know every gritty detail of everything that he had ever done down to the way he breathed whilst doing it, just by staring at him.

Virgil’s eyes narrowed as Janus’ thumb ran over his busted lip. If it weren’t for the rag stuffed in his mouth to muffle his cries for help, he would have bit it clean off. Instead, he let the small amount of fury left in him ignite behind his eyes as he stared into Janus’, not moving any longer. He was confused and scared, and when those things were combined, it usually turned into anger. Rage, even. But It was as if the moment Janus touched him, he froze on impact.

“What do you think?” Janus prompted, hand still firmly on Virgil’s jaw. His voice may have been smooth, but his grasp stayed there to show control.

Janus smiled at the incoherent sounds coming from behind the bloodied rag. He laughed to himself, amused by the struggle. “Ah, I forgot about your little…predicament.” He ribbed, pulling out the soaking rag with ease.

Virgil inhaled harder than he’d ever before, taking in as much oxygen as possible. It had been days since that rag had been placed there; a precaution so that were the search for Thomas’ anxiety to continue and a meeting be pursued once more, they wouldn’t hear much from upstairs. Virgil winced a bit at the memory of Janus’ footsteps quickly echoing throughout the basement and walking up to him. (“tsk, I thought you would’ve been smart enough to know not to scream. Here, let me help you with that.” He had said, hastily shoving a clean rag forcefully into his mouth, rendering Virgil silent; mostly because of fear but also because of shock. He had absolutely no clue why Janus was doing any of this.) It also didn’t help that the dark mind palaces basement was usually hot and stuffy already, which made the struggle to breathe worse; especially if you had to rely on only breathing through your nose, which was broken, meaning the little oxygen he could muster wasn’t enough, leading him to pass out only a few minutes after regaining consciousness, over and over and over again over the past 84 hours.

“Let…go of…me.” Virgil demanded, panting. He struggled against his chains, trying to wriggle his way out of them. His wrists ached as they strained against the cuffs around them.

Janus grabbed Virgils arms firmly, chains rattling, rag dripping blood and saliva down Virgil’s right arm. “No need for that, sweetheart. I’m not going to hurt you again. Not yet.”

His lips curled upwards slightly at the fear that shocked through Virgil at such simple words. He watched as the hair on Virgil’s arms began to stick up, his arms covered in goosebumps. It was absolutely hilarious to Janus that Virgil had no clue what was coming at any given moment.

Virgil could put on a defiant act all he wanted, but his body would always show how he truly felt: Afraid, Horrified, Helpless.

It was a beautiful sight to see someone at the mercy of his actions considering he had always felt helpless against the others, it was nice to feel in control for once. …And also quite pathetic how hard Virgil tried to stop him from achieving that feeling of powerfulness.

“How about a game of chess?” Janus suggested, throwing the rag to the ground, sounding more demanding than anything else. His nails dug deep into Virgil’s wrists, letting him know that if he didn’t answer correctly, there would be consequences. Though, from all of the times he’d seen Virgils eyes light up from winning against Logan in a Chess match, he knew he would probably say yes anyway. Not that Virgil knew that he knew that.

That sparkle in his eyes. It was almost as if Virgil felt like he could finally do something right.

In Virgils drug addled mind, something…clicked. Chess? Since when did Janus know that he had gotten good at Chess? Unless he was…

his eyes almost brimmed with tears at the thought of such an invasive act,

Watching him.

Despite such a heart dropping realization, Virgil nodded, slowly. Even though it had only been a few days, he was numb to any minor pain Janus inflicted upon him anymore. If it wasn’t worth bleeding, it wasn’t worth focusing on, or atleast that’s the mindset he was set on adapting to get through this. Who knew how long Janus would keep him here? how long this would last? But the pressure against his wrists served as a warning, so he gave Janus the answer he wanted. Or so he thought.

The pressure increased as Janus dug his nails deeper, pricking the pale skin a bit. “You speak when you’re spoken to, Virgil.” he ordered, “Or do I need to remind you?” he asked, nodding towards the blood stained knife on the floor; A reminder of Virgils previous mistakes.

Virgil shook his head frantically, “No, no, you don’t” he begged, mouth still tasting of metal from where he was forced to lick up his own blood from the cuts up and down his arm. “A chess game sounds nice, really.”

Janus hummed, satisfied with Virgils response. “Perfect. Well then, I suppose I should explain the rules.” He dropped Virgil’s arms and let them fall into place with the chains, then summoned a chess set and sat it on the ground next to the knife, eyeing the way Virgil tried to breathe in a rhythmic pattern. He really didn’t think he was getting out of this. How glorious.

“If I win, we pick up where we left off last night,” Janus recited, hinting back to only ten hours ago when he was burying a knife deep into Virgils arm. “If you win, I may dress your wounds properly this time.” he watched Virgil as his eyes closed and snapped back open time and time again, barely taking in anything Janus was saying. He was sleep deprived, Janus was sure of it. He had already planned this out ahead of time, so the results were finally setting in. Janus had dissolved a few…”unknown sleeping pills” into Virgils drink the night before after Janus had his fun with the sharpest knife blade he could find, making sure Virgil was extremely drowsy and paranoid, but not too drowsy and paranoid, because otherwise, what’s the fun in that?

Oh, and the “sleeping pills” were actually Janus’ antipsychotics, but Virgil didn’t need to know that.

He kept Virgil awake for two and a half days straight, slicing open the old wounds on his arms. Turning the faded self inflicted cuts into newer, deeper, non-self inflicted ones. Sometimes he forced Virgil to do it himself as he watched, making him restart if there wasn’t enough blood for his liking. Virgil deserved this for leaving him, so the least he could do was cause a bloody mess.

Janus hoisted Virgil up and carefully unlocked the cuffs on his wrists with a small key from his pocket, holding him as his body gave out against Janus’.

Even through the fog of Virgils mental state, and the amount of adrenaline pumping through his veins, and the exhaustion that crept up on him so suddenly over the past few days, he was cognizant enough to understand that not being able to stand up on his own two feet was humiliating. The weakness and feebleness of his body and state of mind were meant to make him feel humiliated. And unfortunately for him, it was working. Janus was succeeding.

Janus, using this as a moment to exert power over his captive, whispered in his ear. “Bring your all, Virgil.”

Virgil vaguely acknowledged the phrase as something Patton would say to him before every match. Eyes glistening, like a proud father-figure. (“You did great last time Virge! Logan was so mad that you won against him that when you left to go back to your room to listen to that PG-13 music, he used one of those slang words the kids use these days. I can’t remember exactly what it was...I think it started with a C? I don’t know, but I’m so proud of you!” Patton had said, so joyous and amazed. Virgil had given him a half-smile and shrugged it off as Patton just being Patton.)

Virgil almost started sobbing then and there; finally feeling a wave of emotion crash over him other than rage and terror for the first time in what felt like forever, but in actuality had only been a few days. A few tears slipped past him, leaving behind a trembling lip in their wake. He clung to Janus for some sort of sick comfort, Janus being the only thing he had right now, even if he was the one causing all of this.

Janus tensed and snickered, pulling away from Virgil and yanking him to the ground, looking down at him through fiery eyes. “Don’t be so emotional already, we’ve barely even started” he rubbed his arms with his hands as if Virgils mere touch had deemed his upper arms distasteful, “and don’t cling to me like that again, it’s disgusting.”

Virgil wiped at his tears obediently, trying to put on a blank face for his captor. He just wanted to go back home. To sit with Patton and Roman and make homemade hot chocolate while bickering over the appeal of the newest Disney shows. His chest hurt, likely from the drugs and blood loss, but also likely because of his longing for his actual family, not whatever this was. Whatever it used to be.

Janus sat down on the opposite side of the board, and slowly removed his gloves, placing them next to him on top of each other and started setting up the pieces.

“Let the game begin.” He stated after a few moments had passed and the board had been properly set up, prompting Virgil to move his first piece.

Virgil reached out reluctantly, placing one of the pieces further on the checkered board. Almost knocking it over as he pulled his hand away as fast as he could, not wanting to be close to Janus.

Janus smirked, noticing this, as he placed one of his pieces further on the board aswell. Deep down, he was hurt by Virgils need to stay as a far as possible, however. Not that it mattered, he could always punish Virgil for that little stunt of emotion later down the line.

This back and forth continued for at least twenty-five minutes, before Virgil could feel the walls closing in around him. He looked at the board in desperation, praying to God that maybe, just maybe if he stared long enough the pieces would maneuver themselves to where he could win.

It didn’t happen.

Janus had him stuck, unable to move without getting defeated. In this sick game, and in real life. It was as if Janus was making a mockery of his own doings.

Virgil moved the piece on the board with a shakey hand, trembling from the dread of what he knew was to come, and looked up at Janus; fear evident in his eyes.

Janus took a breath and moved his piece in front of Virgils quickly, as if he had been waiting for this moment his whole life.

“Checkmate, Virge.”

Virgil stared at the board, filled with shame and regret. He used to be a pro at Chess, and now he was watered down to this. He couldn’t meet Janus’ burning gaze as he stared at him from across the board. Any glint of hope for his future here that he had behind his eyes had been crushed and faded away completely. He was certain that he was going to die here before Patton or any of the others found him. And if he didn’t die, it would become so bad that he would beg Janus to make him do it to get it over with.

Janus got up and pulled Virgil to his feet, clasping the cuffs around his wrists again, not willing to waste any time, taking notice of the newfound compliance.

Janus laughed a little as he picked up the knife, running a finger over the blade. “You know, I really thought you would have been good at that,” he placed the base of the blade on Virgil’s arm and began to drag it agonizingly slow. “I guess it just goes to show that you really are incompetent.”

He watched the blood drip down Virgils forearm, “what a shame, really. You probably would have gone on to be a real good player,” he teased, “probably even better than Logan. I mean I saw the way that blood vessel in his head almost popped from stress and frustration during your match a week or so ago.”

Janus watched as Virgil grit his teeth so hard he thought he would break them from trying not to scream. The confession and the pain were almost too much emotional and psychical trauma for Virgil to bear.

Janus ran a finger over the fresh cuts, looking up at Virgil with nothing but malice in his eyes. “Too bad you’re stuck here now, you really could have been something.”

“Please…please, I’ll do anything, please just make it stop!!” Virgil whimpered, actually thrashing now, a drastic difference from what he had meant to do earlier. He couldn’t handle it anymore, it was all starting to dawn on him. He wasn’t getting out of here. He wasn’t getting out.

“Keep begging, it’s not like I’m going to stop. You’re selfish, that’s all you are. You think you can leave me to pick up the pieces of your abandonment and expect not to face the consequences? I don’t think so.” Janus threatened, slapping Virgil’s arm, causing stinging pain to shoot its way through him. He took the knife back to Virgils skin, digging deeper into the wounds he already created, using his rage as a source to block out the cries of his former best friend. Virgil used to be like a brother to him, but none of that mattered now. This was Virgils fault, he chose this.

Virgil’s hands curled into loose fists with the little energy he had left within himself, desperately trying to wrap his head around Janus’ reasoning but ultimately failing to be able to think of anything due to the hot and awful pain that washed upon him every few seconds. That was why Janus was doing this? His acceptance? He let out animalistic sobs every time the blade met his flesh. None of it made sense. His head hurt and all he wanted was to drop to his knees and bleed out, leaving himself a cold shell of a person. Anything but this. Anything but this. As much as he loved the others, he wanted anything but this.

Eventually, Janus dropped the knife on the floor, blood splattering in every direction. He was tired, and Virgil was beginning to pass out which meant that the fun wouldn’t be able to last any longer. After all, it’s no fun torturing someone when you can’t see the outcome of your work.

He flicked his wrist and summoned a small baggie of crushed up antipsychotic medication and a glass of water, carefully pouring it into the glass in front of his captive. It didn’t matter if Virgil saw what he was doing, what could he do about it? Absolutely nothing.

“Open your mouth.” He instructed sternly. Virgil listened and he tilted the glass back with precision, making sure no droplets of water fell down Virgils face and on to the ground.

Janus set the glass down beside him, “don’t say I never did anything for you” he mumbled, turning on his heel and heading back upstairs to the commons as if nothing had happened.

Janus’ footsteps slowly faded and a door opened. Virgil could hear Remus cackling in the distance, and even though he didn’t exactly know what was so funny, it was presumable that it was about the state of his family. The others were falling apart with the lack of him being around, or that was at least as far as he knew with the “help” of Janus.

Virgil let his legs give out from underneath him and curled in on himself as best he could, searching for the warmth of his own body heat, not necessarily because he was cold, but because he was desperate to feel the warmth of a comforting presence, even if that meant it had to be himself.

He tried to ignore the throbbing pain in his arms by thinking of Patton. Sweet, tender and kind, Patton. Patton who was always there when he had night terrors and was screaming for help, crawling into Virgils bed and cradling him gently until he was conscious enough to know what had happened, and then staying until he fell back asleep. Patton who always let him hold on to his shoulders when the panic attacks got so bad he couldn’t stand upright because he was so dizzy. Patton who always had a cheesy dad joke no matter the severity of the situation. Patton.

It hurt more than any of the psychical pain combined to miss him. He would rather die right now than miss such a sweet soul. If Patton were here, he would have bandaged him up so gently he would have barely even felt it, while humming softly to distract Virgil from the fear and uncertainty burrowing deep in his stomach.

Tears fell down his face as his eyelids finally fluttered close, not being disturbed by a jarring malicious voice ready for revenge. He could finally sleep.

Though, how do you sleep peacefully knowing you’ll probably never get out of a nightmare?

[lily-janus]

Someone Like You - Chapter 5

Chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 | next

Summary: Janus and his dad are both hurt and haunted by their past, it's time they'll talk about it with each other, and what's a better time than 2 in the morning?

Pairing: past anxceit, pre romantic roceit

Warnings: grief, mentions of past accident and death, regret, self deprecation, disability, insomnia. Let me know if there's anything I missed.

Word count: 1,416

Hey folks! Sorry for the late update, this week was hectic for me omg. But I'm here to deliver you another unhealthy dose of angst horray! @prince-rowan-of-the-forest

Just stop thinking about him…

Stop thinking about Virgil…

He doesn't matter anymore…

You don't need him…

Janus turned in his bed, it was hard enough to find a position where his left leg hurt the least, but now he was so restless he couldn't stop moving and turning.

Why the fuck did he agree to go there? What was he thinking? All it did was bring back all the pain he spent so much time trying to push down…

It's not fair how Virgil can hurt him even when he's not there while he gets to laugh with his new friends and kiss Roman's soft lips whenever he pleases and-

No, that's not the time to be thinking of this… he needs to sleep…

Ugh who is he kidding? He's not going to sleep tonight…

With a sigh, he got up and went to get himself some water and maybe a - he checked the time - 2am snack.

When he got to the kitchen, however, it wasn't as dark and empty as he expected. His dad was sitting at the table, looking at a photo that, even though Janus couldn't see it, was obviously of his mom.

So, it's going to be one of these nights it seems… great.

"Hey dad.." Janus said softly but his dad still jumped in surprise.

"Oh! H-hwy buddy! What are you doing up?" His dad put up a smile that wasn't fooling any of them.

Janus raised an eyebrow, "I can ask you the same question… been thinking about her?" He asked softly.

His dad let out an empty chuckle, shaking his head, "I always think about her… I never stopped… but yeah, I am.." he admitted, his barely-put-together cheerful persona falling away to reveal his sad and tired face.

He gestured weakly for Janus to sit next to him and they both stared at the picture in silence for a long moment. The three of them laughing and covered in mud on the floor.

Janus remembered that day, it was the day before the accident… it just finished raining and the sun was coming out of the clouds, making a beautiful rainbow. Janus' mom insisted they'll go out and take a picture with it so they rushed outside, his dad bringing their old camera and setting it up. They all posed but at the last second, Janus' dad slipped on the mud, making all three of them fall with him and they all burst into laughter right when the timer went down and the camera clicked.

Janus stared at himself in that picture, happy and healthy and… normal. Sometimes he forgets he ever was that… normal. His father's sigh broke him out of his thoughts.

"I should have been there…" he said quietly.

Janus held back his tears at the sound of his dad's regretful tone, "don't… it doesn't help anything… it just hurts you when you think like that… we can't change what happened."

"I know… I know you're right… but the feeling is still there… I yelled at her…" he trailed off with a sob, "my last moments with her were spent arguing over stupid things that don't matter… don't mean anything like you two mean to me…" he buried his face in his hands, taking shaky breaths. "What would she think of me now…"

Janus laid a hand on his father's trembling shoulders, "you're doing your best, she would love you for it… just like I do."

His dad relaxed back into the chair, leaning his head over his son's shoulder and relaxing slowly. "Thank you, son… that means a lot.."

They stayed that way for a long moment, before his dad lifted his head to look at Janus, "and why are you up?"

Janus sighed, he was hoping to avoid this question… "just thoughts… won't stop pestering me, ya know?" He tried but it was clear his dad wasn't buying it.

He took a deep breath, "...I went to Virgil's the other day…" he started. He never actually told his dad what happened between them, but the man was smart enough and knew him well enough to have a pretty good guess of the reason behind Virgil's sudden disappearance. "...and now I can't stop thinking about him again.." he admitted.

His father nodded in understanding, "I see… you never really told what happened between you two." He said carefully.

Normally, Janus would brush off the question, but his dad seems to need a distraction like this right now and it's not like it's some big secret… he can't stop thinking about it now anyway so might as well tell someone.

So, Janus took a deep breath, "there's not much to tell, really… one day he just stopped answering my texts… he stopped being in our usual meeting stops… then, a week or so later… I see him hanging with the popular group at our school. Not even meeting my eyes… I just can't stop wondering what I could have possibly done or said that drove him away like that… was he only my friend because he thought I was his only choice?"

Janus didn't realize he was crying until his dad reached out and wiped the tears from his cheeks, "I'm sorry son, that's awful." He hugged him gently.

Janus sniffed and sighed, "I probably deserved it…" he said quietly.

His dad pulled away to look him in the eyes, "no, you didn't, what Virgil did was not okay, you hear me?" He said firmly.

Janus nodded weakly and his dad gave him a comforting smile. "Come on, we both need to go to bed."

And they each got up and went to their rooms to try and get some sleep before the sun came up.

…

He woke up to his phone ringing.

Frowning, he pulled the phone off the charger and looked to see who was calling him.

He almost dropped his phone when he saw it was Roman of all people. Does it have something to do with their project? But it's sunday, couldn't that wait until they see each other at school on monday?

Mind racing, he nervously answered and put the phone to his ear, "hello?"

Silence.

"Roman?"

"...are you okay?"

Janus frowned, looking at the clock, "you woke me up at 8 in the morning on sunday just to ask me that?"

"Sorry I just felt really bad over what happened at Virgil's and I just had to see how you were doing…"

Janus was glad it was a phone call and that Roman couldn't see his blush, "w-what do you have to feel bad about? It's between me and Virg-"

"I know but I knew you had a history and I still convinced you to go and I'm so sorry, I didn't think it would be so painful for you…"

Roman started bubbling as Janus just sat there, stunned, "...you… blame yourself on yesterday?" He asked suddenly, making Roman stop.

"Um… yes? I guess it's kinda dumb huh?" He heard Roman chuckle awkwardly.

"No it's… actually sweet…" Janus thought to himself with heated cheeks.

"What?"

Janus suddenly realized he said it out loud and hung up immediately, heart racing. What the fuck is he doing?

He waited anxiously to see if Roman would call again, but when nothing happened, he sighed in relief and went downstairs to start on making breakfast for him and his dad.

…

"Someone is up early, it smells amazing here." His father greeted him a few hours later as he walked into the kitchen, "can I help with anything?"

Janus turned from the pan on the stove to raise an eyebrow at his dad, "last time you 'helped' I almost had to call the fire department."

"Hey! That was not my fault! The instructions were very confusing!" His dad protested with a grin.

Janus just shook his head with a smile and turned back to the pancakes he was in the middle of making.

They were just about to sit down to eat when a knock was heard from the door.

With a sigh, Janus grubbed his cane and went to answer it.

He was feeling strangely better today. He never imagined telling his dad what happened would make much of a difference but… it really did. It still hurt, but it was more dull than before… weird.

He opened the door and nearly dropped his cane when he saw who it was.

"Um… hey…" said Virgil awkwardly, "c-can we talk?"

[i-am-bitterly-jittery]

On Death’s Doorstep (pt 18/?)

[<<First],,,,[<Prev],[Next>] [ODD Masterlist]

Word Count: 1607

Rating: Teen

Pairing: Anxceit

Warnings: past abuse, past death, I didn’t edit this at all before posting

~~~START~~~

Janus found themself in Virgil’s apartment at least once a day. They liked his company — shut up Remus — and they were pretty sure he enjoyed theirs too. Sometimes one or both (or even more) twins were there, sometimes it was just Janus, Virgil, and Patton. 

They’d been attempting over the last few weeks to teach Virgil how to cook. He’d mastered pancakes, but a healthy diet needed a little more substance. 

Virgil was awful at cooking. Like, to the point where Janus thought he might be self sabotaging on purpose. Cookies seemed to go from undercooked to burnt in half a second, any and all pasta was somehow way overdone even though Janus told him how long to boil the noodles for, and meat always seemed to be burnt on the outside and undercooked — sometimes cold — on the inside. 

But every time Virgil got something right, every time his food even resembled being edible, he seemed so pleased with himself…

Janus had it bad. 

Today, they’d been planning on showing Virgil how to use a rice cooker — very hard to misuse a rice cooker, just scoop rice, fill to the line, and hit cook, how hard could it be? — but Patton had other plans. 

“Daddy, can we go to the park?” Patton asked, wrapping his arms around Virgil’s leg and staring, pleadingly, straight up. The glasses Logan made him gave him the unfair advantage of having enormous eyes. 

“Sorry, kiddo,” Virgil grimaced. “I don’t think we can go today.”

Logan was very strict about when Virgil could leave the third floor and journey up to the rooftop park, and he usually required at least a day’s notice before allowing the trip in order to make sure the roof’s safety systems were still working properly. And besides, Logan hadn’t left his lab in days — at least, as far as Janus knew he hadn’t, but it was entirely possible that he was still mad at Janus and therefore just avoiding them. 

Patton, however, was allowed to go up to the rooftop at any time so long as he had a responsible adult with him (which in this case just meant anyone other than Remus, who was great with children, but terrible at being responsible). 

“I can take him,” Janus was offering before their brain had the time to catch up with their mouth. 

Why had they said that? They were awful with children! The first time they’d interacted with Patton, they’d only served to make his distress worse!

But Patton was staring at them with those big blue eyes, and Virgil looked so relieved. 

Janus had it so bad. 

So now Janus was on the roof with Patton trying not to be a complete failure as babysitter. Patton wanted to go on the swings, so Janus worried the whole time that they’d accidentally push him off the swing completely. Patton wanted to play heroes and villains, so Janus struggled to make even the most basic of dialogue — despite literally being a supervillain. Patton wanted to play tag, so Janus tried to run slowly enough to not tag Patton immediately, while also quickly enough to tag Patton eventually. 

None of this came naturally to them, but Patton seemed so happy that they thought that might be ok. 

“M. Janus,” Patton said eventually, tuckered out from their game of tag and lying on the foam play mats that lined the playground area. “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course,” Janus answered. They’d been lost in thought debating whether to stay standing or to sit on the ground with Patton, so the child’s serious expression startled them. 

“I don’t think my papa’s coming back.”

What were they supposed to say to that!? “What makes you say that?”

“Daddy doesn’t talk about him anymore,” Patton answered, frowning at the sky. “And he gets sad when I ask.”

“Oh,” Janus said, dumbly. 

“You’re nervous,” Patton observed. “Like daddy when Mr. Franky is around.”

“I’m not!” This kid was starting to freak them out, there was way too much intelligence in those eyes. 

“Lying is bad,” Patton pouted, and just like that, he was a little kid again. 

“I’m very sorry.”

“No you’re not!” Patton giggled. 

“No,” Janus agreed, finally deciding to sit. “I am not.”

“You’re silly!” Patton laughed. 

Janus cracked a smile at that. Maybe this is why people like children so much, they thought as Patton continued to giggle. 

“M. Janus, do you have a daddy?” Patton asked once his giggles subsided. 

“No,” Janus answered. “At least, not one that I ever knew.”

“A papa?”

“No. I used to have a mama, but she’s gone now, like your papa.” The smile slipped from their face at the memory of their mama. 

“I don’t have a mommy,” Patton said. “Daddy doesn’t have a mommy either.”

“Oh.” 

Asking Virgil about his old life had felt like crossing a line, but Janus was curious, and Patton was offering information…

“Have you met your grandparents?” They asked

“Uh huh!” Patton nodded happily. “Grandpa and pop pop visit a lot! Um, daddy couldn’t see them last time cuz he was busy, but Miss Sophie took me to see them in the visiting room and grandpa showed me a magic trick!”

“That sounds fun,” Janus said before their brain fully caught up to what Patton had said. “Visiting room?”

“Yeah! It’s got all sorts of games, and coloring books, and chairs for everyone to sit in! One time pop pop said it reminded him of a waiting room at the doctor’s office!”

“Oh…” Apparently, no matter how much Janus learned about the superhero program, there would still be details that managed to hit them like a ton of bricks. There was a reason they’d picked the side they’d picked, but they really thought the ‘good guys’ would at least put some effort into looking like good guys. 

“Why are you sad?” Patton asked, cocking his head to the side innocently. 

“It’s nothing you need to worry about, dear,” Janus reassured him gently. Patton was definitely a little too perceptive for a young child. 

Patton climbed into Janus’s lap and wrapped his arms around their neck. “Don’t be sad.”

Oh, Janus thought as a wave of contentment washed over them. He’s an empath. 

Their mama had been an empath, so they were quite familiar with the feeling of empathic soothing. It felt a little like being a kid again, they could almost hear their mama’s quiet humming and their sister playing in the other room. For a moment they let themself revel in the smell of bread baking and the faint sound of the fan whirling overhead. 

But then Janus opened their eyes, and they were back on the rooftop. Nothing but a memory. 

“Thank you, Patton,” they smiled, valiantly ignoring the faint misting of their eyes. “You are a very good cheerer-upper.”

Patton beamed proudly at the compliment. 

“Now, are you ready to go back inside, or would you like to play one more game?”

“Um, can we go on the big slide?” Patton asked, once again using his large eyes to his advantage. 

Virgil had mandated the first time they’d been brought up to the rooftop playground that Patton could only go down the big slide if someone was going with him. He hadn’t asked for it yet this time, but he usually asked his dad or one of the twins to go down with him at least once a trip. 

“Of course, Patton.”

Patton held Janus’s hand the entire way up to the slide, and showed Janus how to sit properly so that they could hold on to Patton without the toddler going flying. 

“Okay,” Janus said once they were all settled. “In three. Two. One!”

Patton screamed in delight the whole way down. 

“Again, please!” He begged once he was standing on his own two — wobbly — feet. 

“Hmm, I suppose one more time won’t hurt,” Janus mused. “But after that we should get going; we don’t want you daddy to worry too much.”

Patton nodded seriously as he dragged Janus back up the play structure. 

“Jus’ one more time,” he agreed. “Then we have to check on daddy.”

One more trip down the slide seemed to be all it took to wear Patton out. He held his arms up for Janus to pick him up once he’d finished giggling, and showed Janus how to properly hold him so that he was settled on their hip; to Janus, it wasn’t the most natural hold, but Patton settled immediately into the crook of their neck and was out like a light. 

Virgil was right there to take Patton from them as soon as they opened the door to the third-floor apartment, and Janus had a sneaking suspicion that he’d been hovering nervously by the door ever since they’d left. 

“Looks like you two had fun,” Virgil commented as he transferred Patton onto his own hip. Patton mumbled something, but settled down quickly. 

“Well, roughly speaking, I believe we played all of the games,” Janus joked quietly. “And we finished it all up by going down the big slide.”

“That’s nice.” It was a good thing Patton was mostly asleep otherwise he’d have been called out for lying. “I should put him down for his nap.”

“I should get going,” Janus said, turning back towards the door. 

“Or,” Virgil interjected. “Maybe you could stay for a while?”

When Janus turned back around the hero’s face was bright red. They considered giving a teasing reply — why my dear Knightcaster, it almost sounds like you’re fond of me — but they didn’t want the invitation to get rescinded. 

“That sounds lovely.”

~~~END~~~

AO3 comment: can’t wait to get a Janus and Patton “episode”

Me: oh yeah… that kinda needs to happen soon considering Janus is supposed to be Virgil’s love interest

So anyway, one more chapter after this in section 2 (it’s hella short, and I’ll probably post it in the next couple days)

For once in the whole time I’ve spent writing this fic the entire way forward seems clear to me, I know how to start section 3, I know what exactly happens in section 4, it’s all clear to me and I’m very excited about it (that doesn’t mean it won’t take me a while to write, but hopefully it speeds up the process a little)

ODD taglist:

@royalty-of-all-things-snuggly @pixelated-pineapple @arsonic-knight @misunderstood-shadowling @lost-in-thought-20 @remy-the-lemon-berry @jinxcrafter @apinkline2715 @gothfoxx @donutsarepartybagels @xoaningout @meganmoneky14

[loganscroftersstash]

Hello 😊

For the ship ask:

Anxceit

and/or

Royality

THABK YOU FOR ASKING!!!!!!!

royality

What made you ship it?

honestly it’s just so cute. like roman and patton are both highly emotional and we see them be cute together several times throughout the series. it’s not my fav ship by a long shot but as a multi shipper i do quite enjoy it!!

What are your favorite things about the ship?

THEURE SO CUTE DIES. i think patton and roman have one of the closest relationships in the series

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

nope :>

anxceit

Why don’t you ship it?

it personally isn’t my cup of tea. i LOVE and life for platonic anxceit but at least right now, i don’t prefer the idea of a romantic relationship. i feel like it could work maybe later in the series as they develop but right now? ehh

What would have made you like it?

they’re both some of my fav characters so there’s no lack of favoritism, but maybe just some more healthy interactions between the two of them

Anything positive to say about it?

they could have the best mf relationship at some point. today is not that point

SEND IN MORE ASKS!!!!1!1!

[vintage-squid]

Clandestine Chromatism

Pairings: Virgil/Deceit Warnings: sympathetic Deceit; anxiety; kissing; cursing; partial nudity (Virgil’s shirtless at one point); nontoxic relationships; a ridiculous amount of fluff

Summary: Everyone knows Deceit is unique in the Mindscape with his scales and oddly coloured eye, it's a part of being a Dark Side ...but Virgil lived there for years and he looks perfectly normal. Right? Wrong. They're not as different as initial appearances suggest: after all, doesn't anxiety function through the act of lying to oneself? Maybe it will take true love's first kiss for the truth to be revealed.

Part one of A Reptilian Romance

AO3 link

A/N: A gift fic I wrote last November for one of my best friends (@mightymegatron) birthdays. Originally posted on AO3, but I figured I would cross post it here :) 

-----

Okay. You can do this. You’ve got this Virgil. He’s your boyfriend, right? This is something you want to share with him.

Summoning his courage while he could, Virgil raised a hand and knocked on the dark mahogany door he had been standing in front of for the past five minutes. Thank god no one had come upstairs from the Commons to witness his embarrassment. The door opened, startling the anxious side from his thoughts, but he relaxed quickly upon seeing the familiar golden eye peering out at him.

“Hey Dee, can I come in?”

Deceit smiled - a genuine expression, no hint of snarky sarcasm to be found - and nodded. “No, go away.” He stepped back, allowing Virgil into his room, before closing the door behind them and draping his arms around his boyfriend to nuzzle one pale cheek. “What drives you away from here today, cheetah?”

Virgil hummed, leaning back into the embrace and finally letting the tension loose from his body. He was safe here, free from the fears his own mind plagued him with on a daily. How had he doubted them, as a couple, so strongly? They grounded one another, supported one another; this was something they had been working together towards, something they mutually desired at their own pace. He could do this.

“I want to kiss you.”

Wow Virgil, way to be subtle and work up to asking like planned. Now Deceit was going to think he was some sort of needy hussy or something and-

His thoughts were cut off as the other side slipped free of their embrace to step in front of him until they were face to face, holding their hands together in the space between them.

“You aren’t sure? This isn’t what you want? If Roman hasn’t been pressuring you with his genius thoughts about how all romance shouldn’t play out, I swear I won’t kick his as-”

“No!” Virgil startled at his own yell just as much as Deceit had, grabbing hold of the others capelette. “No.” He repeated more quietly, looking down at the black fabric still gripped in his hands. “Roman hasn’t been forcing me to do anything I’m not ready for or comfortable with. He… actually he was the one I talked to about this first. I needed to vent at someone and get their input, to make sure I was actually feeling ready and not just pushing myself into this to make you happy. Roman helped a whole lot, and this probably wouldn’t be happening without him, so please don’t beat him up on my behalf - this time” Virgil chuckled with a lopsided smirk

He looked up to see Deceit gazing at him with such a sappy, adoring expression that it stole his breath. Time seemed to slow, and before Virgil knew it, they were leaning in and closing their eyes.

They pressed together as one, fumbling momentarily with a shared laugh as their noses squished together, Virgil’s own deeper chuckle offsetting Deceit’s truly adorable giggle-snort. Their second attempt slid together much more smoothly as they tilted into the kiss and leaned into one another, Virgil all but melting into the other side. The brush of Deceit’s lips on his own was soft and dry, like the sensation of running one’s fingers over the pages of a long-loved book.

He released his nervous grip on the other’s capelette, one hand sliding up to cup the warm scales decorating Deceit’s face to smooth his thumb along the long scar that extended his lips, while the other flattened against his chest. In return, a pair of bare hands cupped his own face and drew him closer into the sweet kiss. Virgil adored when his boyfriend would forego his gloves; in his opinion, there was no feeling more comforting than the rarely seen scaled-skin.

What would it feel like, he wondered, if those scales were to brush along his own hidden away on his back? For wine and butterscotch to meet for the first time? Would this most unusual pairing of flavours mingle in the sweetest of manners, or would their taste sour and shrivel any appetite for desire?

Before those thoughts could spiral any further, Deceit, with his seemingly telepathic knowledge of Virgil’s intricate state of mind, reached around to pull the patchwork hood over the anxious side’s head and blanketed them further in their own little world. Any and all worries were swept away as their kiss deepened ever so gently. Deceit nibbled on his lip, drawing a soft noise from the shy side before Virgil gathered his courage to return the favour, blushing a brilliant scarlet when Deceit groaned out what sounded like Virgil’s own name.

When they finally pulled apart, only far enough for their noses to brush and their breaths to mingle, Virgil couldn’t help but smile and touch their foreheads together, losing himself in Deceit’s beautiful eyes. The gorgeous heterochromia was ironically hypnotic, but Virgil couldn’t find it within himself to care to look away. A charming smile spread across Deceit’s lips, so soft and adoring and in contention with his usual smirk, as one scaled thumb caressed beneath Virgil’s right eye.

“There you aren’t,” the dishonest side murmured.

Virgil’s cooling blush flared once more beneath his smeared eye-shadow, his face scrunching in confusion. “What are you talking about? I’ve been right here the entire time, kissing you, doofus. I thought one of your ‘things’ was perception?”

Instead of rising to the fond taunt, as usual, Deceit only smiled wider and leaned up to kiss the center of Virgil’s brow. “I don’t know, I haven’t been here experiencing the worst kiss of my existence with you. I overestimated my own skills, however, because apparently I’m terrible enough to get you to raise your guard.” He paused, seeming to lose himself in Virgil’s gaze. “You have grotesque eyes, such an awful shade of purple…. I hate that we match so horribly.”

Wait.

What!?

The eyes in question widened, the anxious side’s complexion rapidly paling. He pushed away from Deceit’s embrace and scrambled to get his phone out of his hoodie, dropping it with a curse before managing to lift it with the front camera open. A mismatched gaze stared back at him, a bright purple iris stark next to its chocolate partner. Oh no. Oh no no no no no. The bliss of his first kiss had stolen his mental control, letting slip his shape-shifted ‘glamour’ and revealing to the world his true visage. His secret was out. This was it, the beginning of the end. Deceit was going to break up with him for lying, and everyone was going to find out. They were going to shun him again, and this time there would be no hope to escape from the solitude.

Breath quickening, Virgil looked in panic back at the other side. “I’m sorry-” he wheezed, chest heaving. “I should have told you, but I was sc-scared - not of you! Well, h-how you would react - I mean! Sorry, I’m so so sorry, Dee! I never meant-”

His rambling was cut off by a gentle hand cupping beneath his purple eye. Through his tears, Virgil could see Deceit lean in with another one of those soft smiles before the other’s hand reached around to caress the scales peeking out from his collar along the back of his neck, smooth skin running along keeled purple.

“Excite yourself, my cheetah, nothing is okay. Forget your breathing techniques, dear one, I’m not here.”

With Deceit’s help, Virgil nodded and followed the 4-7-8 pattern which his boyfriend (ex??) tapped out on the back of his neck until he was breathing steadily once more. Hood still raised, the anxious side sniffled loudly and wiped at his cheeks, smearing his makeup further until it looked like he had buried his face into a pile of charcoal. Once he had visibly relaxed, as much as he could in this situation, Deceit spoke again.

“I know you’re not freaking out right now, but please just ignore me for a minute?” Upon receiving Virgil’s nod, he continued, “I’m going to hold it against you for hiding this from me, okay? I don’t understand why you kept it to yourself, and I promise I’m going to tell the others without your permission.” Deceit leaned into kiss his temple, once again touching their foreheads together. “You are the least important person in my life, and I don’t want you to know how distasteful I think your true appearance really is. I feel more alone knowing I’m the only one who looks like this. I feel more alone when I’m with you.”

As Deceit spoke, tears had welled in Virgil’s eyes once more, spilling over his small, but growing, smile. “You really think they’re beautiful?” He questioned, laughing wetly with a hiccup as Dee nodded. Darting into the minuscule space between them, Virgil enveloped his boyfriend in a hoodie-hug to end all hoodie-hugs, smiling wide as he buried his face into the scaled neck with a nuzzle. He felt complete as Deceit returned the embrace with a reassuring squeeze around his middle.

“Love you, basilisk.”

“Hate you always, cheetah.”

Pulling away with a sheepish shrug, Virgil dug his hands into his hoodie pickets. “So, um, I guess… Do you wanna see everything then? All of me?” Deceit’s excited gasp was the only answer he needed. He could do this. For his boyfriend, the side bound in deception who could still ground him so effectively in the truth of reality. For the one he loved.

So, with a deep sigh to settle his ever-present nerves, the anxious side slipped his hoodie off his shoulders and dropped it onto the ground next to the pair of discarded yellow gloves. He spent a moment fiddling with the lower hem of his long-sleeved shirt before scrunching his eyes shut and tearing it off as quickly as he could manage - the band-aid technique never failed. It was so easy to picture just what Deceit was looking at right now, what Virgil had seen so many times while hating his reflection: the intricate wine-dark scales, iridescent in the light of sconces lining the room, crawling up each arm and over his shoulders, where he knew they met and covered most of his back; a few patches were visibly hugging his sides, while another crept up the back of his neck to his hairline. The rest of his body was an expanse of creamy, pale skin and a tummy made slightly chubby by frequent stress eating.

When only silence greeted the reveal, Virgil hesitantly peeked his eyes open, expecting to be greeted with disgust, or worse, for Dee to have fled altogether. Instead, he felt his heart stop. If it were possible (and it very likely was, what with they’re being mental constructs of Thomas’ personality) Deceit was pulling off the most convincing Steven Universe ‘starry-eyed’ expression that would have put even a fusion-greeting-Garnet to shame.

“Uhhhh… Dee?” Virgil coughed self-consciously, crossing one arm over his torso to rub the scales at his elbow. “You...gonna say something?”

“You’re imperfect,” Deceit whispered. He reached out with a hand trembling in awe, waiting for Virgil’s nod of permission before running the pads of his fingers across the milky collar bone and over the smooth curve of one shoulder. Stepping closer, he circled the other side, never breaking contact, until he stood behind Virgil. Both hands covered the slim shoulders before sliding down the curve of Virgil’s back, down to the small of his spine, and across the lines of his hips, where they met over the pudgy stomach, fingers laced in a gentle hold.

Virgil held motionless, breathless, as he was caressed like the finest of silks, only daring to move his arms to lay his hands over those currently embracing him. He could feel Deceit’s breath against the nape of his neck, closer and closer until - oh fuck! The brush of scales against his own, as Deceit nuzzled between his shoulder blades, was intoxicating. Virgil muffled a groan behind his hand as the touch starved area of his body was treated so lovingly for the first time ever. He was all but melting into the sensation of being loved and cared for.

“I’m not going to have to give you a back rub soon,” Deceit teased. Virgil could feel that grin against his dorsal scales and couldn’t stop himself from chuckling as well.

“I’m holding you to it.”

And for once in his life, Virgil was actually looking forward to showing off his scales. Maybe it wasn’t so bad to stand out a little after all.

[sanderssides-incorrectquotes]

Virgil: *sees a picture of a snake* Snake!

Virgil, now thinking about his boyfriend with blush and a happy smile: Snake-!

[pattonsfam-ily]

i bring Virge my sweet adorable qpp to my party to keep him distracted and cheer him up and he really does just make out with my boyfriend smfh like girl 🤦🏻 -Remy

[siren1song]

d- do you want me to tag you? when i make anxeit shit?

Only healthy anxceit, and usually only fluff (i can handle angst but only with a happy ending) but yesssssssss

[incorrectsides]

as much as i make virgil hate deceit in my quotes i actually ship them an unbelievable amount 😔 does anyone have any recs for fics of HEALTHY CONSENSUAL anxceit? cuz i really need them 😔

[imma-potatoo]

Me calling out the Janus shippers

Let me know how I did

Anxceit: thats one way to say you need therapy

Loceit: hows being the ex-perfect gifted child, who is now suffering from depression and/or anxiety and/or burnout going for you?

Roceit: you always take other people's opinions of you to heart, don't you?

Moceit: you didn't get enough support from your family, did you?

Dukeceit: you connect emotionally to the rejected villains a little too much to be healthy

How'd I do?

[sablesluts]

Ooo, I’ve Been Waiting For This Moment!!

Can You Do “Bite Me” And “If You Insist” With Anxceit?

(Virgil Is FTM Trans, And Janus Is Cis)

Warnings: hickies, fingering, male character with feminine anatomy (tits/pussy), petnames

-------------------------

"Well maybe if you weren't such a fucking asshole I'd listen to you more!"

"You should listen to me more anyways! Maybe you'd make less stupid decisions!"

"I married you didn't I!"

"Why you little-"

Janus and Virgil's marriage was healthy, they swore it, arguing was their love language.

Well, one of their love languages.

They'd married for tax reasons originally, and law school and a doctorate weren't cheap.

But hey, five years into a marriage is bound to change things isn't it.

"Ugh, bite me." Virgil groaned over his paperwork.

"If you insist darling~" Virgil yelped slightly as Janus leaned down to give him a nip on the neck.

"Jan!" Virgil's face turned scarlet, gods could this man be anymore of a pain in the-

"Yes darling? Don't pause your sentences," Janus said with a smirk.

"Alright that's it-" Virgil got to his feet instantly, or rather got up on a chair to reach eye-level with his husband.

"Oh? Struck a nerve did I darling?~" Janus purred.

"Don't patronize me you li- HEY!-" Virgil's eyes widened slightly as Janus scooped him up and started walking to their shared bedroom.

"You've been working to long darling, I think you need to relax a little," Janus said.

"You just wanna see my tits," Virgil sneered.

"What? I can't think you have a nice body?" Janus said, leaving another bite on Virgil's neck, staying there from a while before moving on.

"Seriously though, not too much today, this is important," Virgil said, Janus nodded and set him down on his lap.

"Mmm- Jan~" Virgil moaned out slightly as Janus' fingers worked their way under Virgil's jeans.

"I know darling," Janus said, continuing his assault on Virgil's neck.

It didn't take much for him to go over the edge, just a few thrusts and a curl of Janus' fingers and he was whining like a bitch.

"Thats it darling, let it go, not so focused on that paper now are we?" Virgil shook his head, moaning out further before Janus finally retracted his hand.

"Thank you- Janus-" Virgil said quickly.

"Anything for you darling,"

"I love you,"

"I love you, too,"

[vash-the-trans-catboy]

It’s a snake?

Written for @korruptbrekker

Thanks for 700 followers!

Prompt: soft anxceit where Janus shifts into a snake

Summary: Janus learns when he gets very stressed he involuntarily turns into a snake. His boyfriend, Virgil, finds Janus and comforts him until he turns back human

Taglist: @heirm @sanderdarksides @lost-in-thought-20 @moons-the-nightmare (let me know if you want to added)

Word count: 1061

Ao3

TWs: snakes, cursing, panicking, slightly unsympathetic Patton

“You called me?” Janus sinks into the father-like side’s room, waiting for the lecture he just knew was coming.

“Janus, kiddo. I just wanted to talk.” Patton cautiously takes a few steps closer to his agitated guest.

“I TOLD YOU. I’M NOT YOUR KIDDO.” His voice breaks mid-sentence. Janus tries his best to keep his calm and emotionless composure. It’s always easier to deal with the light sides like that. His eyes start to prickle; he knows he can’t hold back his tears of frustration for much larger.

“Hey, calm down, kid- sorry I mean Janus. Can we please have a civil conversation about your lying habits?” Patton’s voice is sweet but it’s laced with condescending subtext.

“I have never lied in my life before. That is completely preposterous.” Janus scoffs, avoiding eye contact at all costs. That’s how they see into your soul and get you to confess everything. Patton knows that one fatherly glance of ‘I’m disappointed in you’ tears Janus apart at his seams.

“Janus, lying isn’t healthy for Thomas, anyone of us, or even you. You need to work on being more honest with everyone.” Patton comes closer, nearly backing Janus into a corner of his bedroom, “Okay, kiddo? I’m just here to look out for you, alright? I don’t want you living your whole life only being able to lie. You need to build trust with the other sides, no wonder you have a bad relationship with all of us.” He gives a soft smile to make it seem like his harsh words come from a place of kindness.

“I don’t need a relationship with any of the sides. I have Vir-Virgil and he doesn’t care about the lying. And I- I know how to do more than than fucking lie.” The first tear trickling down is a gateway for a breakdown. After the second tear, they don’t stop. “Patton. Patton. Can’t. Please. Stop.” Janus’ breathing started to become more spread apart and less natural. He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to block out the overwhelming world around him. The walls are closing in. He’s trapped. No escape.

Too much. Everything closing in.

“Ba-back up. I- I can’t.” Janus faltered for a second as his vision went blurry. Patton watched with concern but he did not back away; Afraid that Janus would collapse, he took Janus in his arms.

That couldn’t have been a worse mistake.

The walls pressed against Janus. He’s trapped, he’s trapped. He’s trapped.

A puff of yellow smoke stormed around Janus. A small yellow and black snake appeared where he was standing moments ago.

“Oh crap! He’s a snake. You can turn into a snake? Oh umm you can’t answer me can you?” Patton leans down to pick up the snake or Janus?

Janus hisses before slithering down the hallway. His senses felt fuzzy. Almost as if on autopilot, Janus quickly makes his way to the only place he knows he will feel safe.

………….

There’s an unfamiliar sound.

Virgil’s head shoots up and scans his room for an intruder or maybe an attacker. Seeing nothing, he takes a deep breath and presses play on his music.

Wait.

Again, the unfamiliar sound is getting closer. It sounds like a snake. No. No, that can’t be right. There aren’t any snakes in the mindpalace. Virgil slides his headphones off and onto the nightstand. He looks everywhere but can’t locate the sound. Virgil grabs his ‘just in case emergency bat’, ready to swing at his intruder.

Soft footsteps walk across the room, “Well no one seems to be here. Must be my wild imagination, yet again.” Virgil murmurs to himself. He feels something scaly climb onto his leg. “HOLY SHIT.”

Virgil flinches from the sudden contact. The snake pattern looks familiar.

That makes no sense.

Virgil has never seen a real snake in person before. Why would this snake look familiar?

The realization hits Virgil like how he would hit someone with his bat. “Is that you, Jan?”

The snake gives a small nod.

“You can turn into a snake?” All Virgil gets in return is a weak hiss, “Ok fine. That is not important right now. Can I pick you up?” Another small nod.

Virgil gently scoops Janus into his arms and places the snake in his lap. “When you turn back into a human I believe there is some explaining to be done. Well if you turn back into a human. Oh, no! Are you suck like this? What if my boyfriend is permanently a snake?” Janus climbs up Virgil’s arm, gives a quiet hiss, and nuzzles his face before Virgil gets in full panic mode. “Even as a snake you always know how to calm me down.”

He leans his head on Janus, who settled on his shoulders moments before. Virgil carefully didn’t put too much weight onto Janus’ tiny and cute snake body. He pets Janus for a few minutes. “Hopefully this is helping. Your scales are pretty cool, Janjan.”

A puff of yellow smoke surrounds Virgil’s neck. The weight on his neck becomes much heavier. “Hey, welcome back.” Virgil leans forward, letting Janus tumble into his lap. “So turning into a snake?”

“Yeah. That’s a new one.” Janus hides his face in Virgil’s hoodie.

“I’m no master at animal behavior or anything, but maybe this was your reaction to being overly stressed? Wanna tell me what happened before you turned complete sneky?” Virgil tosses his bowler hat to the side, running his fingers through Janus’ hair.

A few more tears trickle from Janus’ bloodshot eyes, “It’s it’s Patton.”

“Again?” A bit of anger rushes through his voice, “I’m gonna give that guy a piece of my mind for making my boyfriend stressed.”

“No. Please stay here with me.” Virgil feels his heart breaking into a million pieces. Janus sounds so desperate.

He gathers Janus tightly in his arms, “I’m not going anywhere. Just take deep breathes. Everything is going to be alright.”

“Can I stay the night? I don’t think I can be alone right now.” Janus hates how vulnerable he sounds but it’s Virgil, the one and only person he can be vulnerable with.

“Let’s get some sleep. You look dreadfully exhausted.” Virgil kisses Janus on his forehead and pulls the covers over them. “Night, scaly.”

Within seconds Janus was out cold, safe in his boyfriend’s loving arms.

[i-am-bitterly-jittery]

On Death's Doorstep (pt 6/?)

now I know what you're thinking: "hey Thursday, what happened to part 5?" I'm not done yet, don't worry about, nothing in that part is needed for this part, and nothing in this part spoils that part

[<<Start],,,[<Part 4],[<Prev],[Next>]

Word Count: 1595

Rating: Teen

Pairings: familial Moxiety, future Anxceit, past abusive Virgil/OC

Warnings: violence, abusive relationship, murder, child abuse, one line of fatphobia, nightmare

You can skip this part if any of that ^ is too much for you, it’s mostly an angsty flashback

~~~START~~~

Days tended to blur together for Virgil, he was on call 24/7 — though villains did seem more inclined to strike on the weekend (maybe they had day jobs? It wasn’t Virgil's job to know what villains did when they weren’t actively committing crimes) — which didn’t leave much room for a routine. Patton going to preschool four days a week was the closest Virgil got to having a weekly schedule.

Virgil and Orin didn’t take Patton to his preschool (which was only on the first floor of the building), he had a nanny who took him places and watched him when both his dads were out. They didn’t take him to the park either; no, Agent Sophie took Patton to school every day, she took him to the park sometimes, she took him to the zoo on his birthday…

It wasn’t that Virgil didn't want to take Patton places, he just wasn’t allowed to leave the building unless it was for business.

He wasn’t allowed to do a lot of things.

Virgil was never good at cooking, so, in some ways, it was a relief to have all their meals delivered to them, but in others… Virgil’s dad was a terrible cook too, papa had tried multiple times during Virgil’s childhood to teach both of them basic cooking skills. The only skills Virgil had mastered was boiling water, and how to slice apples; dad always forgot about the water and had almost set the house on fire a few times.

But despite how bad Virgil was at cooking, he missed being with his dads in the kitchen. Some of his best childhood memories were of him and dad sneaking batter out of the bowl while papa tried to make cookies, and it saddened him that he couldn’t offer Patton similar memories.

“What are you thinking about?” Orin’s voice startled him out of his thoughts, bringing him back to their decorative kitchen, in their penthouse apartment, in a city far away from Virgil’s home.

It was Sunday — or at least Virgil was pretty sure it was Sunday — evening; their dinner had just been delivered, and Virgil had been in the middle of plating it when he’d zoned out. The day had been pretty quiet, and it was the first time in a long time that Virgil had gotten to spend the whole day with Patton — Orin had had some other work to do, but he’d been there for breakfast, and had gotten back in time for dinner.

“I miss my dads,” Virgil told him as he resumed separating the salad — which was surely as healthy as it was flavorless — into three bowls. “I didn’t get to see them the last time they were in town because Gemini was robbing that jewelry store.”

“I don’t know what you’re so upset about,” Orin rolled his eyes. “Every time they visit, they just baby you.”

“Being concerned about my well-being isn’t the same as ‘babying’ me.” Orin didn’t get why Virgil’s dads visited so often; he didn’t understand why Virgil wanted his dads to have a relationship with Patton. Virgil had never met Orin’s parents, and his husband never spoke of them, but there was clearly some sort of bad blood there. “Patton, dinner!”

The topic was dropped as the four-year-old came bouncing into the kitchen.

“Do you want your high chair, or a big kid chair?” Virgil asked him. Patton was getting too big for his high chair, but Virgil still liked to give him the option.

“Big kid!” Patton declared, already scaling the side of one of the stools. Orin took a seat in the stool next to him; Virgil ate across from them, standing up.

The salad was as bland as expected, and Virgil felt another sharp longing for his papa’s cooking. Patton’s face screwed up in disgust after one bite.

“‘S gross, daddy,” the toddler whined.

“It’s good for you,” Orin corrected, eating his salad with a perfectly straight face. “It’ll help you grow big and strong.”

“Lemme see what we have to spice it up,” Virgil offered, ignoring Orin’s glare as he opened the fridge.

There wasn’t much in the fridge — some milk, some juice, other beverages — but there were some condiments. Virgil pulled out some that he thought Patton might like.

“Who puts chocolate sauce on salad?” Orin demanded as he scowled at Virgil’s choices. “You’re gonna make the kid fat!”

“Orin!”

“Virgil!” Orin’s hand hit the counter with a loud smack! and a series of cracks spiraled out across the granite.

Virgil flinched, and the subject was dropped; though Orin did allow for a small amount of ranch dressing to be added to Patton’s salad. After Patton was bathed and tucked into bed, the argument picked up again.

“I think we should think about retiring,” Virgil said, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on the dirty dishes in front of him. Orin was a lifer, he’d dedicated his life to military service before he’d been honorably discharged, and now his life was dedicated to the superhero service… ‘retire’ wasn’t in his vocabulary.

A glass hit the wall next to Virgil’s head, shattering a raining broken glass into the sink. Virgil sprang away, dropping the plate he’d been holding into the soapy water.

“WHAT THE FUCK HAS BEEN WRONG WITH YOU LATELY!?” Orin shouted. “You want to retire? And do what exactly? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Virgil, but you’re bad at basically everything!”

“Well– I mean– I can–”

Orin shoved Virgil, who slammed into a wall. His ribs screamed in protest as the air whooshed out of his lungs. Virgil crumpled to the floor, gasping desperately for oxygen.

“Daddy?” Patton’s voice carried across the room, and moments later, the sleepy toddler shuffled into view. “Papa?”

“GO BACK TO BED!” Orin snapped, grabbing his son’s arm forcefully — too forcefully if Patton’s sudden screams were anything to go by — and shoving him in the direction of his room. Patton stumbled a few steps before tripping and hitting his head on the island.

Virgil saw red and the next thing he knew, he had a frying pan — which, like most of the things in the kitchen, had never been used before — clutched in his hand. Orin’s back was turned to him as he advanced on Patton’s prone body, so Virgil took the opportunity to come up behind him and bring the pan down across his head. The hit sent Orin tumbling to the ground just short of their son (as well as leaving a sizable dent in the frying pan)

“Oh you fucking–!” Orin growled, getting his feet back under him and stalking back towards Virgil.

Virgil swung the pan again, but Orin ripped it out of his hands. Virgil scrambled backwards until his back hit the counter behind him; he had space to run either left or right, but Orin was faster and would probably catch him before he made it very far. Desperately, Virgil reached behind him, hoping to find anything that could help him.

His fingers brushed against the unused — but fully stocked — knife block. He grabbed one at random and brought it around just as Orin began charging. The point of the chef’s knife was pressed against Orin’s chest before either man could fully process what was about to happen.

Orin’s momentum carried him forward and the knife–

Virgil woke with a start; he’d been allowed to heal himself several days ago, but his ribs still cried out against the memory of their injury.

The room was dark, but the heart-shaped nightlight that Serp- Janus bought a few days ago provided enough light for Virgil to be able to see his son sleeping soundly just a few inches away from him. The toddler’s slow and steady breathing was enough to fight off the mounting panic in Virgil’s chest.

Patton is fine. Patton is breathing. Patton is fine.

A broken sob left Virgil’s lips before he could stifle it. Patton’s brow furrowed. The four-year-old turned on his side, still asleep, and stretched an arm out, reaching for his dad.

Virgil took the small hand in his own and felt a wave of calm wash over him. He may be a murderer, but Patton was fine.

Idly, Virgil wondered whether or not Patton had some sort of empathetic powers. He’d have powers, there was no doubt about that, not with two superpowered fathers, but when he started displaying them and what they would be a mystery.

Either way, holding onto his son’s hand slowly but surely brought him back from the edge of panic. Once his breathing was back to normal, Virgil carefully slipped from the bed, and quietly crept from the room.

He’d explored the whole apartment over the last two days, checking every nook and cranny for whatever security measures Dr. Frankenstein had — there were six security cameras in the main living area that would be able to survey the entire space, none in the bathroom, and none in the bedroom; none of the cameras had audio. The only blind spot he’d found was the space above the refrigerator.

That was where he curled up now. They’d know he was here, the cameras would have tracked his path, but Virgil wasn’t trying to hide. Not really.

He needed to be alone — somewhere safe. Nowhere was safe, but at least the fridge offered him a perfect view of the door.

Virgil fell asleep up there, longing to be back in his dads’ house, with his dad laughing about Virgil’s cat-like tendencies, and papa trying to coax him down with the promise of cookies.

~~~END~~~

I don’t think I ever established everyone’s ages so Virgil is 25, Patton is 4, Orin was 33, Janus is 29, Logan is 44, and the twins are 22

ODD Masterlist

ODD taglist:

@royalty-of-all-things-snuggly @pixelated-pineapple @knight-shives @lost-in-thought-20 @remy-the-lemon-berry @jinxcrafter @apinkline2715 @gothfoxx @donutsarepartybagels

[artsybi]

okay okay i got the screaming out of my system, *breaks fingers* let's get into this:

i stimmed so hard when Janus's theme came on i stg i almost snapped my wrists i!! love!! him!!! :DDDDDDDD

again the fact that Logan and Virgil use Janus's name is very important to me, while it does totally shoot some of my theories in the head, that's okay, and the implication that Roman, Patton, and Logan made up enough to talk about the video and bring up Janus and his name brings me so much joy :D (also the bitchiness in Virgil's voice as he uses Janus's name is also very important to me, i love anxceit being bitchy with each other)

Janus getting better at imitating the sides is a big oh no (though it makes me wonder if the reason he hasn't shown up as Virgil or Roman yet is because their outfits are too complicated for him to get totally right, which is,,, very funny to me for some reason, the mental image of Janus sitting at a sewing machine swearing under his breath as he tries to get Virgil's hoodie patches in the right orientation or to get the gold detailing on Roman's shoulders to lay down flat is fucking hysterical and i implore someone who has the ability to draw it because i do not have the time rn)

THE ENDCARD THOMAS OH MY GOD I'D DIE FOR YOU P L E A S E

Logan being the wine mom and Janus being the wine aunt is very important to me (and Virgil being the gay emo cousin? bitch same)

PATTON TALKING ABOUT HOW HE WISHES HE'D BEEN HONEST ABOUT HIS EMOTIONS FROM THE BEGINNING!! YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?? G R O W T H!!!! I'M SO PROUD OF HIM :DDDDDD

i,,, did not expect Remus's emblem to be there, but it also does not shock me

Roman calling himself a theatre kid has watered my crops i love it

also, Roman pulling out his sword as he says he needs to have a "healthy conversation" with his brother is PEAK sibling representation i FEEL THAT

JANUS WITH THE ANTI-SPOILER SPRAY OH MY GOD A CANONICAL LOOK AT THEIR DYNAMIC I!!! LOVE!!! IT!!!

ALSO THE FACT THAT THEY PLAYED DDR TOGETHER THE DARKSIDE CONTENT WE'RE GETTING!!!!!!

have i mentioned how much i loved Virgil being bitchy towards Janus because i fucking love!!! it!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

okay maybe i did not get all the screaming out of my system, BUT god i loved that Thomas i'd die for you :D