#healthy academic discussion

[eloquentsisyphianturmoil]

anyone want my 1600 unstructured rant about morality and fate in the first age? Here, it’s yours.

Absolute morality concerning doom and fate in Tolkien’s Silmarillion

The justification and persecution of the first age and its participants are heavily discussed, heavily disputed topics. In this we will explore the relevance of the first age to Eru’s plan, the extent of its events as products of fate, and the eventual moral judgement of participants in light of actions and given circumstances. Lore used follows the published Silmarillion (Ainulindalë, Valaquenta, Noldolantë) and the End of Days prophecy most recently given by Tolkien. We aim to draw accurate moral judgments and either demonstrate reasoning for or create hypotheses of characters’ fates by examining textual evidence of Eru and the Valar’s moral standings and involvement.

Of Eru Iluvatar, little is given. Here, we assume he is motivated by love for creation, and he would pass this to the three races of his children as their purpose of existence. Therefore the End of Days ushers in a peace free of evil that is devoted entirely to creative progress. However, the action of the first ages is concerned with the destruction of evil (being wilful and unprovoked immorality) due to Melkor’s rebellion. Let is infer that Eru has foreseen Melkor is incurably evil, and thus sees he must be wholly destroyed or absolutely captured; we infer also the existence of a law of conservation of power as a tenant of Eru’s plan (which men alone can withstand). Given this, the hand of men is needed to overcome Melkor’s power. Eru, who has power to create souls tied to the life of Arda, possessive of greater power— elves, and souls dissevered from it, possessive of lesser— men, contrives to mix them and breed a new race.

This new race is that of the Dúnedain. They have strength enough to face Melkor and can subvert the law of conservation of power, evidenced by the prophesied role of Ar-Pharazon’s fleet in the End of Days (wherein they will be unburied and their alliance decide the winning side). Before the siege of Utumno the quendi were taken to Valinor, and must return to meet men and breed the numenorean race. To the end Eru applies himself.

After Melkor’s first capture, he is offered mercy. This is a principled act: though Melkor had no remorse or feasible excuse, it is overhasty to punish a first-time offender. Melkor is instead given three ages of waiting and a chance to beg for release. This is similar to the fate of slain elves in Mandos. It is reasonable to assume that Eru was aware Melkor was incurable but knew also the initial forgiveness was necessary. In anticipation of his betrayal, and the darkness to come, Eru brought to life Fëanáro, greatest of elves, and put it into his mind to create the Silmarils. Fëanáro and his bloodline are designed as the vassals of the Noldor, responsible for leading them to Beleriand and protecting them from Melkor (evidenced by the march of Maedhros) while the first peredhil are born. Finwë’s second, marriage, too, was of Eru’s devising: he perceived Fëanáro and his kin were too volatile, thus the line of Fingolfin sired the numenorean race.

Nargothrond and Gondolin, devised at Ulmo’s will by Turgon and Finrod, were both indispensable in the creation of the peredhil lines. Of Nargothrond, King Finrod Felagund’s loyalty saved Beren Erchamion; of Gondolin, Tudor and Idril there met. They are therefore necessary to Eru’s plan. Of the meeting of Elwing and Earendil, it may be said that the respective falls of Doriath and Gondolin were necessary, though the manner in which this occurred (the turning of kin against kin) may not have been.

Now we examine the independent actions of Noldoli relevant to the designs of fate above described. First and foremost is the oath, which can be named rather rash than evil (though there may be evil in Fëanáro’s forcing of its swearing upon his children, the acts committed in its name are independent). Fëanáro’s following of Melkor to Beleriand to avenge his father and reclaim his property is not suspect, but the first kinslaying is. It was later proven that the Helcaraxë was not an impossible path, therefore making the weighing of Fëanáro’s need against the Teleri’s sentimentality obsolete. It can be claimed that the Teleri ought to have joined in Fëanáro’s cause or given the boats willingly, but it cannot be claimed that battle was an appropriate solution. Of the burning of the boats, we say Fëanáro’s actions were wilful, but not unprovoked: the early death of his mother, remarriage of his father, and the latter’s recent murder suggest significant grief and trauma, such that Fëanáro’s actions, while morally wrong, were not evil.

Fëanáro is the first elf we can properly describe as victimised, as his parents’ situation was outside of his control. Eru likely arranged it such so that Fëanáro would grow hale and steely, and thus be capable of leading his people to exile, and it is a similar thing that is done to Maedhros. His captivity in Angband taught him the internal strength needed to hold the east against Melkor, and thus allow the births of the peredhil and creation of the numenorean strain. These situations (and many similar) complicate the judging of acts based on immediate morality alone, for the undeserved emotional suffering occasionally accounts (as in the case of Dior withholding the Silmaril). Of Celegorm and Curufin in Nargothrond, much of their actions can be ascribed to the power of the oath: explaining but not justifying their part in Finrod’s death. This was their treachery not wilful and not evil. Their withholding of Luthien may be pronounced evil, though softened as it did no lasting damage— except, perhaps, politically between Doriath and the sons of Fëanáro, excusing Thingol and Dior’s withholding of the Silmaril.

Of Beren and Luthien, their actions were sound though directly contributed to the provocation of the oath and subsequent kinslayings (explaining but not justifying them). Whether the retrieval of one Silmaril was necessary to Eru’s plan or not is questionable: what would have happened if Thingol had not demanded such a price? Their quest is the crux around which the first age falls, and though it inadvertently caused great tragedy, it is likely alone responsible for the meeting of Earendil and Elwing, and their sailing to and convincing of the valar (a last resort). Thus is the second kinslaying in a sense completely justified: as a necessity of fate.

Unless one holds the Silmaril itself responsible for the safe passage of Earendil to Valinor (thereby necessitating the third kinslaying) then for Sirion can no excuse be made. The action of the oath alone and the psychological torment of the remaining brothers is sufficient to turn hate into pity; though one may not go far as to say they had no choice, one is compelled to offer forgiveness. Integral to the viciousness of this act are both the relatively defenceless state of Sirion and the importance of the Silmaril to its people: in this case, the benefit it brings outweighs the natural claim Fëanáro’s sons have for it. Elwing would have been morally right to suggest surrendering the Silmaril on the condition the brothers keep it in Sirion, but her suspicion of them due to their ransacking of her home prove this is not unprovoked, though still unjustified.

Here the nature of the oath is discussed. Foremost in discourse is its universal nature, such that even Fëanáro and his kin themselves are subject to it, and the supernatural power it has upon the foresworn. It is unclear whether the oath refers only to current perpetrators, or to those past including. If the latter is true then doomed are all foresworn, if only the former then the oath’s end shall come at the End of Days, when the Silmarils are broken (this particular act unspecified in their oath) and the oath becomes void.

Of Elu Thingol can we be most judgemental. If we hold the necessity of Beren’s quest in creating the numenorean line as unproven, then his hubris may be condemned as rash (similar to the swearing of the oath). Indeed, these two acts work against each other in the kinslayings. Thingol’s initial coldness towards the noldor is explained by their slaying of his brother’s kin, and his refusal to surrender the Silmaril by his hatred for their capture of his daughter. The latter especially is morally incorrect, though the Silmaril’s growing hold on him (which would lead to the fall of Doriath) again would turn our hate to pity. Thingol’s actions may be judged as no better nor no worse than those of Fëanáro’s sons.

Thus is no individual in the first age wholly evil, though the kinslayings and Thingol’s bride price may be held as morally wrong (as are Thingol and Dior’s withholding of the Silmaril). Of punishment, the suffering of the perpetrators would beg mercy, and, indeed, the fates of Maedhros and Maglor may be called apt. The torment of Maedhros as necessary in his role as Lord of Himring in particular may absolve this, and the peculiars of his mental state regarding the Nirnaeth Arnoediad as relative to its inspiration by Beren’s quest further complicate the matter of Thingol’s innocence, and further insinuate that Maedhros’ actions were not entirely wilful.

Inconsistencies between the silmarillion and our understanding of Eru’s plan may be understood through the intervention of men. Beren being the most prominent: his and Luthien’s love, provoking the bride price and then the quest, was doubtless unexpected. The Silmaril’s retrieval being half Luthien’s doing, it is possible that Eru foresaw her completing a similarly great deed (simply the overthrow of Sauron’s tower, perhaps) which he would hold to provoke the Nirnaeth Arnoediad: in his eyes, perhaps, a winning battle. It is, though, Ulfang’s betrayal that ultimately ruins the plan. Thought this text concerns itself only with the fates of elves, of Ulfang it can be said his deed may only be repented should the numenorean fleet side with the Valar in the Dagor Dagorath. Indeed, the End of Days alone brings full forgiveness for many actions of the first age, the fate of the Silmarils being with both entwined.

[eardefenders]

Amextazurra is her last name. They've said it a few times now. (Genuinely thought it was Amechazurra bc that would be a football reference, but no)

I personally don't see a lot of romantic flirting between John and Mariana but I also get where others are coming from.

I appreciate your point about having her be her own character and same I hope there isn't a love subplot between those two down the line for her sake (or if there is it's to show what John 'in love' is so we can reflect it back on his relationship with Sherlock and then she and him amicably breakup which is also something you like never see in commercial projects).

((OK I take a part of that back. I'm definitely team polycule but I know that's even less likely then Johnlock on a commercial adaption lol so not getting my hopes up there))

However, I think we're fighting Canon here. They're adapting a series that was heavily male (bc it's victorian) and, while progressive in some aspects, absolutely assbackwards in others. We also have to account for the fact that John does get married in Canon, possibly twice. The writers have stated that they don't intend to have their John ever leave 221b and setting John up with MARYana resident of 221a and manager of their business would be one way to do that and still observe Canon.

Lastly, the Bechdel test is a joke (not as in its a worthless measure of something but as in its origin is a joke), not an actual test. We have so few opportunities for Mariana to speak with other characters that we get to see bc the conceit of the show is that we're following around John thus he is almost always in a scene. Considering that it's unlikely we'll get a mariana one on one with another woman (unless she goes undercover and borrows the mic, but then any convos she has aren't authentic bc she's working). Only time will allow us to be a full judge of the show, but thus far given the limitations of the medium and the plot; I'd say Mariana has been her own character and has not been reduced to love interest of the male lead (yet).

(If you do ever get around to an analysis post of the gloria scott I would love to read it. I LOVE reading other people's perspectives on these things, especially when my nitpicks are few and minor.)

ok here’s the thing about the new sherlock and co episode and please just read the whole post before you form opinions here

people upset about the implication of a relationship between john and mariana are valid. partially because if those people were in it to fix whatever fucked up shit moffat did to them with bbc, i think that’s a totally fine reason to be listening, and a totally fine reason to lose interest if the show isn’t gonna do that as long as they’re not dicks about it

but MOSTLY (at least for me) it’s because i was actually kind of hoping that mariana could be her own fucking character? like outside of being a love interest? introducing one (1) recurring main female character and immediately giving her ZERO screentime outside of 1. perfunctory two-second business negotiations and 2. long ass flirty romantic scenes with a male lead that contribute nothing to the plot and nothing to her character (yes they were clearly romantic. i’d love it if they were platonic! but come the fuck on you guys) yeah that’s fully just sexist. and also bad writing. and also dissapointing narratively. like i’m not letting that slide until this podcast at least passes the bechdel test.

do i think this is gonna kill the appeal of the show for me? probably not, as long as sherlock gets more screentime again in coming episodes. but it might pull me out of it a bit, yeah.

though this episode also has MANY problems outside of that, in my opinion, which is a conversation for another post

[strwbrryeyes]

Hiii, I'd like to request a Tsukishima fic with a rivals to lovers/mutual pining trope for your event!

༊·˚ Academically confused

⟡ featuring: tsukishima kei

⟡ cw: angst, lmk if i missed anything else

⟡ a/n: i love tsukki being an academic rival even if it is cheesy and has been written a million times so i hope you like it becaus ei enjoyed wwriting it <3

You met Tsukishima Kei during your first week of university, and it was less of a meet-cute and more of a mutual eye roll of annoyance with the class.

He was standing outside the lecture hall with his headphones around his neck, scrolling through something on his phone. You figured he was in the same literature class as it was the only one scheduled in this hall at this hour. You stood beside him, nervously scrolling through your schedule, worried you might miss a class or go to the wrong classroom,  your stomach a tight ball of nerves from first week anxiety. Meanwhile, Tsukishima’s  expression was bored like he had something better to do than stand in the hallway waiting for the professor to finally arrive

“Intro to Lit?” you asked, more to ground yourself than anything else.

“Unfortunately,” he replied in a grumble, barely glancing at you.

Your eyebrows lifted. Rude.

With his attitude being your first impression of him, you decided to observe him more. He was tall, lanky, and had a mouth that just looked like it was made for snide remarks. The glasses perched on his nose gave him a false sense of kindness and soft mannerisms that didn’t match the bored, piercing look in his eyes. Something about him made your skin prickle.

You offered your name, trying to make small talk as you continued to wait because maybe he wasn’t so bad after all and you were just making assumptions?

He just nodded. “Tsukishima.” No first name. No smile.

You stood there, dumbfounded at his tone and right then and there, you decided immediately: you didn’t like him.

-

It didn’t take long for things to even more of a sour turn. 

As if the universe didn’t hate you enough, he was in so many of your other classes.

Tsukishima always had something to say. Always has something to argue,  Whether it was during lecture discussions, group debates, or casual commentary in the hallway— he had the annoying ability to make you feel like your ideas were isiotic even when you knew they weren’t.

You'd raise your hand in class, offering a passionate argument on a literary theme, and before you could even finish, his voice would cut in with a counterpoint all while in a calm, quiet, irritatingly confident tone of voice. 

The first time he challenged you outright during a discussion, it was in front of the packed lecture hall in your literature class. You’d barely finished your point about the topic when his voice cut in, quoting some stupid philosopher and immediately shifting the room's attention. A couple students murmured in agreement. Your professor nodded thoughtfully. Your face burned. Your blood boiled. He didn't raise his voice or get defensive. No, he just smirked and quoted some cheesy line like it was meant to start your downfall. And that smug look on his face? Infuriating.

“You know, not everything has to be a competition,” you muttered as you passed him after class.

He barely looked up from his phone. “I’m not competing. I’m just right.”

You stopped dead in your tracks, whipping around to glare at him.

He finally looked up, calm as ever, and added with a tilt of his head, “Unless you're admitting you lost?”

From that moment on, it was war.

The rivalry was public and relentless. Classmates groaned whenever your hands shot up at the same time. Your professors, amused and slightly exhausted, began using you two as examples for everything from "healthy debate" to "spirited academic disagreement."

You upped your game, citing more sources, editing your arguments to perfection. But no matter what you did, he met you move for move, like you were playing the world’s longest game of chess. Once, you caught him leaving the library at 3 a.m. the night before a major presentation. He smirked and said, "Just making sure I stay one step ahead of you."

You hated how good he was. Hated how much you wanted to beat him. Hated how thrilling it was every time he pushed you to be sharper, quicker, smarter.

And worse of all is how you hated how alive it made you feel.

-

It was like you had the worst luck. After break you walked into a class and there he was again, sitting front row.

You both ended up in the same science Gen Ed class and the professor, clearly having heard of you two, paired you together for the semester long project.

“This is going to be fantastic,” you said, voice flat with sarcasm.

Tsukishima didn’t look up from his laptop. “Can you manage to not be dramatic for these next few months?”

“Can you manage to not be an asshole?”

He smirked again. Of course he did.

Still, you met at the library that weekend, both too stubborn to back out and too competitive to risk a low grade. The air between you was filled with unspoken tension, but neither of you dared acknowledge it. You were both too proud to admit it mattered. An hour in, you were dividing the workload, building out the outline, arguing over methodology but either way  you were still working and efficiently at that.

And then something shifted.

“You’re not completely hopeless,” he said, glancing at your screen.

“Wow,” you deadpanned. “How very kind of you.”

You said it with a sneer, but your stomach fluttered anyway.

Over the next few weeks, the library became your routine. He brought drinks, you brought snacks. You debated over formatting, but shared surprising laughs during breaks. You found his dry sense of humor addictive. And he didn’t just tolerate your sarcasm— he matched it.

Sometimes, you caught him looking at you like he was trying to solve a puzzle, eyes flicking to your lips, lingering on your hands as you gestured, taking in your every move like there was something deeper underneath he couldn’t quite put his finger on. And sometimes, you looked back, wondering how someone so infuriating could start to feel like a comfort.

One night, you left the library late. The air was cold, and you’d forgotten your jacket. Without a word, he shrugged off his hoodie and handed it to you.

You wore it for three days before giving it back. He never askedabout it.

-

It hit you on a Thursday night.

He was sitting across from you, eyes squinting slightly behind his glasses as he read over your notes. His hair was a mess. He looked exhausted but determined. Your knees brushed under the table but neither of you pulled away.

Suddenly, it wasn’t just friendship. It wasn’t rivalry. It was him. Everything about him. The way he furrowed his brows in concentration, the way he remembered throughout the weeks that you liked matcha more than coffee, the way he made space for you at the table like it was second nature at this point.

You were in trouble.

You told yourself it was just circumstance. That it would pass once the project was done with. But it only got worse.

He started texting you just to ask you about your day or just send you random articles about topics you both talked about the day prior. He dragged you to a science museum for your project but ended up wandering the exhibits with you like it was a date. He brushed your shoulder, lingered when he handed you notes, stared at your mouth a little too long when you talked or smiled.

“You’re not what I expected,” he said one night on your walk home.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I don’t hate this.”

Your heart clenched painfully. Because you didn’t hate it either. And that’s what terrified you.

But it was also everything else.

You noticed the little things. How his fingers would tap when he was trying not to say something. How he sat closer to you every week, until your bags touched. How he rolled his eyes at you in class, but smiled when you laughed at something dumb. He didn’t flirt but that is only because he didn’t know how. But his affection was in the details.

You found yourself rereading your text threads just to feel close to him whenever you wouldn’t meet up. You looked for him first in every room. You caught yourself doodling his name in the margins of your notes and hated that you’d become that person.

Then one night, he handed you a USB drive, silent and unreadable.

“What’s this?” you asked.

“The photos from the museum. You said you wanted to use them in the presentation.”

You opened the files later that night, expecting exhibit photos.

Half of them were of you.

Candid, focused, smiling. You hadn’t even known he was taking them.

And that’s when you knew,

You were in love with him.

And maybe he felt it too.

But that maybe is what drove you away.

-

You panicked. Every instinct screamed at you to retreat, to put up your walls before you fell any deeper. So you skipped your next meeting. Left his texts on read. Started arriving to class late and leaving early. You convinced yourself it was necessary to keep things from getting complicated, from becoming real. But it already was

You started skipping study sessions. Delayed your replies to his texts. Avoided eye contact in lectures. Told yourself you were just keeping things in check, keeping things safe.

Except it wasn’t safe. It was lonely.

Every second you spent apart from him felt like you were being punished for wanting something you didn’t deserve. Your chest ached with words you couldn't say, and your throat burned with the effort of pretending you didn’t care. You told yourself it was better this way and that the line between rivals and something more was too blurry, too risky. That Tsukishima Kei would never look at you that way.

But when you saw him across the room, laughing with someone else, you felt hollow. And when you heard his name but not his voice, it was a reminder of everything you were pushing away.

Tsukishima noticed. Of course he did.

He caught you outside lecture one day, voice sharper than anything you’ve heard from him before.

“You’re avoiding me.”

You didn’t answer. Just shifted your weight awkwardly.

“Why?” he pressed.

“I’m just… busy.”

“Bullshit.”

You flinched. His eyes burned into your own.

“Why does it matter?” you snapped.

He looked like you’d slapped him.

“Because I thought we were… something,” he said, voice low, almost hoarse. “I don’t know what, but… not just rivals anymore.”

You couldn’t answer. Couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t bear to see that hurt look in his eyes. So you turned and walked away.

But with every step, it felt like something inside you was unraveling.

You couldn’t sleep that night. Every sarcastic comment, every stolen glance, every near-confession played on a loop in your mind like a movie you couldn’t pause. You kept telling yourself it was better this way, clean lines, no blurred boundaries but all it felt like was losing.

Because for the first time, you didn’t want to win anything.

You just wanted him.

-

A few days passed since you walked away from him.

You didn’t see him in the library. You didn’t get a single message. Your matcha tasted worse. Everything felt heavier…weirder.

You saw him sitting on the library steps one evening, framed by golden light from the tall windows behind him. The campus was quiet, wispy pink clouds scattered the sky, and he looked so still, so unlike his usual collected self. He looked up as you approached, headphones around his neck, a question in his eyes that he didn’t voice. You didn’t need him to. You already knew.

“I miss you,” you said, voice trembling.

He blinked slowly, like he was trying to make sense of your presence.

“I was scared,” you admitted. “Of you. Of me. Of what this was turning into. It was easier to pretend it didn’t matter.”

“But it does,” he said softly.

You nodded. “It really, really does.”

Silence settled between you like snow.

Then, “I thought I was the only one,” he confessed. “Thought I was misreading everything. That I ruined it.”

“No,” you breathed, and reached for his hand. “You didn’t ruin anything. I did. And I want to fix it.”

He looked down at your joined hands, then up at you, something unreadable in his expression.

“I didn’t know how to stop needing you,” he said, voice low. “Even when you pulled away.”

You leaned your forehead against his. “Then don’t stop.”

And when he kissed you, it was like everything you’d been running from caught up to you all at once. The longing, the fear, the electricity of what had always been there. It was messy, and warm, and real.

You laughed against his lips.

“What?” he murmured.

“I still kind of hate you,” you whispered.

“Good,” he said. “Because I love you.”

[honeygrahambitch]

If you need tips on how to write hannigram dialogue, hear me out (and don't come for me if you disagree).

First write the dialogue how it would normally proceed between two characters, even in a healthy-communicative way. Doesn't matter if they are fighting or discussing or cooking or being romantic. Hannibal says something, Will replies and so on, they talk about their feelings and they express a lot of thoughts and worries, right? Then replace your simple structures with more academic or metaphorical words, do this however you want, you have a lot of room for creativity. And when you are done with your whole piece...the last thing to do...is to...start deleting lines. Especially those where communication is healthy. Especially the questions if there are any. Give the whole exchange a vague vibe. Leave there answers to unasked questions. Leave questions without answers. Give the feeling of "ahh they both want to say some things so badly but they just can't let it out", let the silence speak.

[shewroteaworld]

Unsub Bait

Premise: For the fourth time, brilliant sunshine!reader is asked to bait the unsub. For the first time, Spencer has a problem with this.

Word count: approx. 2,000

Tw: canon-typical discussions of violence

Author's Note: Welcome to the second installment of brilliant sunshine!reader (meaning highly intelligent sunshine!reader) x Spencer Reid! While you don't have to read my first brilliant sunshine! reader fic to understand this one, I would highly recommend reading it. It's titled "I'll Hold Your Weight When You Can't." Hope you enjoy! :) <3

“Here’s an overview of the first phase of the operation: (Y/N) will go undercover as a college student at Yale. She’ll get acquainted with the unsub at Speakeasy, the New Haven bar where he assesses potential victims. We’ll apprehend him in the act of attempted kidnapping.” Hotchner listed for the team.

You’d played unsub lure almost a comical number of times. Once? That’s a once in a million task required to capture a once in a million unsub. Twice? You’d only have two nickels, but it’s weird that it happened twice, right? But four times? 

You’d already joked to Hotch that you should add “professional unsub bait” to your resume. 

It would’ve been more comical if it wasn’t so scary. 

You took a deep breath as you stared at the photos of the victims on the mahogany conference room table. Melissa Grey. Audrey Bernstein. Alivia Johnson. You could see your 21-year-old self in their eyes. You remember being so young and full of anxiety; you were near graduating from MIT. You couldn’t sleep at night from worrying if you had already lived up to your potential and would spend the rest of your years a washed up gifted kid– an academic has–been. After graduation, you proved to yourself your worth.

The college juniors in the photographs had their lives cut short by the unsub before they had the opportunity to find out what amazing places their brilliant minds could take them. You were about to allow said unsub to nearly kidnap you. 

That is, if you didn’t blow your cover. Then, he would hold you hostage or attempt to kill you as soon as possible by skipping his usual "kidnap and torture" routine.

Rationally, you knew your field experience more than prepared you for this task. Also, you knew your team had your back. They always kept you safe and healthy. The one time you were put at serious risk, you had to fight to be left alone after the case closed. But, you’re not sure if all the facts in the world could adequately calm your adrenal glands.

“Is this necessary?” Spencer suddenly interjected.

You turned to Spencer in surprise. “It’s the quickest way. We have twenty-four hours,” You said.

The unsub had a pattern; a girl was dying once every two weeks, and, when the the local and Connecticut police force combined failed to contain the situation, the BAU was brought into the case 36 hours before the next killing. With his eidetic memory, you were certain Spencer couldn't forget the time restraints if he tried, hence why you were stunned by his sudden brazenness. However, given Spencer's traumatic relationship history and your budding romance, Spencer's behavior was a lot more likely.

You and Spencer had been dating for a couple weeks. Despite being certain the team had their suspicions, you kept your relationship on the downlow. Strong boundaries were a good thing to keep when your relationship was in its fragile, formative era. Plus, you both agreed it was best to keep a high level of professionalism. 

This was the first time Spencer broke protocol.

“I think there’s another way.” Spencer continued. “It’s unsafe and illogical to put anyone’s life into considerable risk if there’s another viable option.”

“Are you implying I’m being rash, Reid?” Hotchner asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Usually, Spence would look away and take a breath. He’d at least have the decency to act timid, especially given the fact the entire team pulled multiple all-nighters in an effort to catch this serial killer. Instead, he leveled with Hotchner’s glare and asserted himself further. “I just think we’ve gotten a little too comfy using (Y/N) as an unsub lure. The more we do, the more probable a disaster will occur with her in the line of fire.”

“Spencer,” Morgan cut in gently. There was sympathy in his eyes. “We’ve done this with (Y/N) before. We’re good at reading her. And she knows the drill. We’ll keep her safe.”

“Yes, because that’s something we can certainly guarantee when she’s 3 inches from a serial killer.” Spencer deadpanned. 

“Reid. A word.” Without waiting for Spencer’s reaction, Hotch left the meeting room. With a hard look in his eye, Spencer filed after Hotch. You were relieved he was still obedient despite being ornery.

For a few moments, the team sat in silence. 

Rossi broke the spell with the scrape of his chair. “Well, I for one, am going to take this impromptu intermission as an opportunity to grab coffee. Any requests?” Rossi asked. 

“I’ll take a barbajada.” You joked half-heartedly. 

“Very funny, (L/N). Any requests the office Keurig can complete in less than five minutes?” 

The team rattled off their go-to office drink orders, but it faded to white noise. During your friendship, Spencer would always care for you when you had to lure the unsub. He’d be more attentive on the jet ride in and out. He’d check in on your mental state directly after the unsub was arrested and always called you once you got home. Once, after the particularly stressful unsub encounter, he sent you links to PTSD articles and even offered to help you schedule an appointment with a specialized therapist through the FBI’s mental health services.

But he’d never once intervened with a plan for you to go undercover. You knew Spencer Reid was nothing if not rational. He knew Hotch valued every member of his team. He knew Hotch would never send you undercover if it wasn’t necessary to stop a killing spree before more young women became statistics. 

Therefore, you knew Spencer was thinking about Maeve. 

You stood. 

“Where you going, Beauty Queen?” Morgan asked.

“Just heading to the restroom.” You lied. 

You walked down the hall and crept up the stairs. You tiptoed down the east wing of the second floor to avoid clicking your heels against the concrete. 

You crept to the side of Hotch’s office. You pressed your back to the wall.

Hotch said something indecipherable. An angry Reid answered.

“And all I’m saying is, she is not a cat with nine lives! She has one life. One precious life, that I think we’ve been a little too careless with.”

“Reid, you know I would never risk putting (Y/N) in harm’s way if it wasn’t the best course of action. She’s experienced with this. The team is experienced with this.” 

A beat of silence passed.

“Promise me that if you have so much as an inkling her life is in danger–”

“We’ll do everything in our power to get her out of there.”

“That’s the thing! ‘Everything in our power…’ It’s not enough. How many times have we told families we did everything we could when all they have left is a body bag?” 

Your heart froze. Both of the voices lowered. You could only catch bits and pieces of Hotch’s speech. You were never an eavesdropper, but despite your better nature, you crept around the corner towards the door.

“I know what it’s like to lose someone to an unsub, Spencer. I know how it sticks with you. I know how it changes the job. But you have to trust us– the team. We’re going to protect her. And we’re going to be there for you,” Hotch said. 

Spencer sighed. "How did you do it?" Spencer's voice cracked. "After Haley, Hotch? I’m not sure if I can survive this.” He sounded seconds away from tears. 

At that moment, you knew you would not sleep comfortably at night if you continued to be a fly on the wall.  You tiptoed back down the east wing and waited for Spencer at the bottom of the stairs.

Ten minutes passed before Spencer appeared at the top of the staircase.

“Spencer?” You called. 

His hazel eyes were tinged pink. He walked down the stairs nonchalantly. “Hey, um, would you mind if we discussed part of the case file real quick? Privately? It could help, um…” He cleared his throat. “Develop your persona.”

“Yes, of course.” 

Spencer didn’t look at you as he power walked down the hall towards the janitorial closets. For the first time since you started dating, he didn’t adjust to your walking pace. 

He flung a door open and yanked you inside. 

Carelessly, Spencer slammed the door behind you. Before you could get a word in, he pulled you into a bear hug.

“Spencer.” You whispered. “I’m here. I’m okay.”

He nuzzled his nose into your hair. 

You stood in the statue of a hug for two minutes.

“I can’t lose you.” Spencer whispered.

“You won’t.”

Spencer pulled away from you. He bent down to look you in the eye. He squeezed your shoulders. His eyes danced with emotion. There was a deep ache, a whirlpool of sadness that you knew a lifetime may never heal. What perplexed you was the hardness that you could only read as anger. 

“I…” He sighed. He hung his head. He dragged his palms down the slope of your shoulders to your forearms. It was like he was taking a cast of you with his hands. 

“I’m not dead on arrival. I’m still here. I’m coming back on that jet ride home with you. I’m going to be okay.” You reciprocated his shoulder squeeze. “You’re going to be okay.”

Spencer shook his head. “Don’t worry about me.”

“I care about you. It’s a part of the girlfriend package.” Spencer pulled you into another constricting hug. 

 “I can’t fathom how difficult this must be for you.” You whispered.

Spencer pressed his forehead to yours. “Promise me when you go out there, you won’t worry about me. I want you to only focus on you, your surroundings, and making sure you get out of there.”

“I promise, Spencer.” You said, though you weren’t sure if that would be the truth.

“And one more thing,” He said. His irises were so close to yours you could pick apart the layer of green and brown. “As soon as you feel unsafe, you call someone. If you have any inclination he’s going to overtake you–”

“I call the team.”

He took a step back and ran his hands through his hair. “I know you’re strong. I’m not trying to insult your field work.”

Your heart cracked. “Spencer, love, I know that. I’m so happy you care about me. I just wish this situation hurt you less.”

He dropped his hands to his sides. His brows furrowed. He stared at a random point to the left of your face.

“Can you do something for me? Before we leave?” He asked, still not meeting your gaze.

“What is it, Spence?”

He took a deep breath. He met your eyes again. “Dance with me.” 

“What?”

“Dance with me. I…” He inhaled deeply. “I never got to dance with Maeve before she…I barely even got to hold her. I won’t make the same mistake twice.” 

You closed the distance between you and Spencer. You cupped his face in your hands, and he instinctively leaned into your touch. His eyes shone with tears. “I’ll dance with you for the rest of my days, Spence.” 

He whipped out his phone. He turned on a slow jazz song you played for him last winter on an impromptu hot chocolate date. 

Your heart skipped a beat. You could go on that same date again, but it would have a whole new color to it. 

He slid his phone onto a cleaning supply shelf. He pulled you to his chest. Your head nestled right beneath his collarbone. You wrapped your arms around his mid back.

You danced, bodies pressed together like puzzle pieces, in silence until the song ended. The symphony of emotions didn’t cease with the final brush of the snare. 

Spencer continued swaying with you.

“I’m going to be okay.” You whispered.

He pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “You can’t promise me that.” He held you even tighter. “But I can promise you I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you come home to me.” 

Author's Note: Hello to all my new followers! I'm so glad you're here! I'm so grateful for the overwhelmingly positive reception to "I'll Hold Your Weight When You Can't." Hope you enjoyed this piece as well!

I hope you have a great day or night wherever you are in this crazy world.

xoxo,

shewroteaworld

[an-ruraiocht]

"to use the words of Edwardian ethnologist and scholar of comparative religion..." i mean maybe we shouldn't be doing that. in 2000. just possibly

i'm not sure about the book i'm currently reading and its scholarly takes (i think it's a bit too credulous in places when it comes to mythological readings, but then, i'm very biased on that front) but i AM enjoying its description of robert graves as an "amateur student" of this material

[glowup-princess]

ʜᴏᴡ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴛᴜᴅʏ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʀᴏʀʏ ɢɪʟᴍᴏʀᴇ

1. Create a Diverse Reading List

Follow Rory’s example by reading widely. Include classics, contemporary works, and non-fiction. Some essentials from her reading list: Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, 1984 by George Orwell, and Beloved by Toni Morrison.

Commit to reading a set number of books each month.

2. Take Detailed Notes

Rory was always prepared for class discussions and essays. Practice active listening during lectures and organize notes with key points, summaries, and questions to follow up on later.

Use tools like colored pens, highlighters, or apps like Notion to keep notes neat.

3. Plan Like a Pro

Use a planner or a digital calendar to keep track of assignments, deadlines, and study schedules. By staying organized, Rory balanced school and extracurriculars.

Break tasks into manageable chunks and prioritize daily.

4. Embrace the Library Life

Rory loved studying in libraries. Find a quiet, inspiring place to focus. If possible, study at different locations to keep it fresh.

Use library resources, like books and archives, for deeper learning.

5. Stay Curious and Research Deeply

Rory often went beyond what was required. If a topic interests you, research it further. Watch documentaries, read related articles, or discuss it with a mentor.

Take a “journalist’s approach” by asking thoughtful questions and seeking multiple perspectives.

6. Prioritize Academics

Rory always made school her priority. Dedicate specific hours each day to studying, reviewing notes, or working on projects. Stick to this schedule consistently.

Avoid procrastination by starting early and pacing yourself.

7. Practice Self-Reflection

Rory frequently evaluated her progress and adjusted her goals (e.g., transferring to Yale). Reflect on your performance and identify areas for improvement.

Keep a journal to track your academic and personal growth.

8. Find a Study Buddy or Mentor

Rory had Paris as a competitor and study partner. Find someone who can challenge and inspire you, whether it's a friend, mentor, or classmate.

Collaborate on projects or prepare for exams together.

9. Engage in Extracurricular Activities

Rory worked on the school newspaper, which honed her writing and time management skills. Join clubs, teams, or activities that align with your passions and boost your skills.

Look for opportunities that complement your academic interests.

10. Balance with Self-Care

Rory balanced hard work with fun, like movie nights and coffee breaks at Luke’s. Schedule time for relaxation and hobbies to avoid burnout.

Develop healthy habits: sleep well, eat nutritiously, and stay hydrated.

Remember be kind to yourself <3

pt.2?

Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated <3

[fatuismooches]

fabulam diu oblitus - second interlude.

synopsis: The tale of the raven and the sparrow has long been forgotten by most, but some will always remember.

includes: dottore w/ gn! reader

notes: This is the third part of this fic, please read the first two for maximum enjoyment. The tale of your and Dottore's life seems to be coming to an end. Contains non-sexual nudity (you two cuddle nearly nude) and reader has some insecurities about themselves/their body. Of course, mandatory mention to my moot @kaixserzz and all my lovely anons (you too 🎐 anon <3.)

prelude. first interlude. second interlude. postlude. sequel.

“The butterfly’s life seemed to be going well. They had their dear raven who loved them along with his multiple copies. Friends who spent time with them. But in reality, life was much harder and dimmer for them than they outwardly showed sometimes. In fact, the butterfly found themselves plagued by dreams. They weren’t nightmares, but when they woke up, it certainly felt like one. Or when they did have genuine nightmares, they felt the same unease and wept about their unfortunate situation.”

You woke up under the sun, its heat kissing your skin, leaving you warm and fuzzy. Blearily, you rubbed your eyes and looked around, trying to gauge your location. Judging from the bright sun and soft grass surrounding you, one-of-a-kind fauna that could only be found in certain places, you must be in a forest in Sumeru. You yawned, rubbing your eyes, sitting up. It was then you noticed that Zandik was sleeping peacefully next to you as well. Hehe, you couldn’t believe your eyes. Zandik, slacking off? Especially when he always got mad at you for that? Oh, you were so going to tease him later. You reached out to caress his cheek but-

In the blink of an eye, he was gone, and you were confused. Where did he go…? But that was the least of your worries, as another blink had changed the landscape to one of pitch darkness. Immediately, you got up despite not being able to see anything. And then a voice sounded from somewhere.

“[Name].” After someone said your voice, a bright spotlight was cast on you, the only light in the vast darkness that surrounded you. And that voice… it wasn’t Dottore, but it sounded oddly familiar…

“[Name], oh [Name]. The poor pitiful person who cannot do anything useful for themselves or for others,” the voice continued to echo from above, though you could not see who was speaking. But then, as you took in their words, you realized that it was your voice. Your voice was the one sounding from above. How… what? You wanted to question it but you were more focused on the content of their words.

“What are you talking about? Who- who even are you?” The voice chuckled, a carbon copy of how you would laugh.

“Don’t play dumb. You know exactly what I’m talking about. You, who cannot ever hope to be anything more than you are now, forever stuck in that useless body and mentality of yours. You, who-”

“Hey! Ugh, you’re me, are you not? Why are you being so mean?” You replied, frustrated. Was it strange to be having a conversation with yourself as well?

“Indeed, I am you. But I am the truthful part of you. I am the voice that you bury in the back of your mind, the one you try so hard to ignore. But you know that I am right.” You gritted your teeth at your other voice’s words. No, that couldn’t be true. You were far, far better than what this imposter was saying! But before you could refute those statements, they spoke again.

“Just take a look at yourself from before.” And then, another spotlight opened up in front of you. There, basking under the light, was your former self from the Akademiya. Carefree, happy, and healthy, balancing a pencil on your finger as you cheerfully discussed some academics with Zandik. More spotlights flicked on to demonstrate your skilled movements, swiftly handling your weapon in battle. Ah, showing you all the things you couldn’t do anymore. How lovely. And then those lights switched off, and one turned on behind you, making you spin around.

In the spotlight stood a tall mirror, reflecting your current self right back at you. Not just outwardly, but mostly inwardly. Your throat went dry. You were so, so different. Did your illness really change you that much? The bright and lively face from before was a stark comparison to this tired one. The mirror began to reflect your recent memories as well. The ones where the segments had to do multiple tests on you for your health. Or when you needed to be helped with stuff even children could easily manage. Something began to deeply hurt in your chest.

“When you take a look in the mirror, what do you see? I don’t need to spell it out for you, do I?” The voice from above giggled at you. You just wanted to wake up from this nightmare, already on the verge of tears. Please, just let someone wake you up. It seemed that you couldn’t be happy whether in reality or in dreams.

“Okay, you’re right!” You cried. “You’re right… I’m sorry…” You didn’t even know why or who you were apologizing to.

“Ah, so you admit it, do you? Then you must be ready to accept your fate as well.”

“My… fate?”

“Yes, your fate. Do you really think your dear Dottore will stay with you after burdening him so?” That question made your heart freeze.

“I… yes he will! Of course he will! Zandik loves me… he loves me…” Perhaps you were trying to convince yourself more than stating it as a fact.

“Love? You?” A scoff sounded from behind you, the voice being one that was easily recognizable. Dottore. Turning around, you saw your beloved, but you did not feel the wave of comfort you usually did when in the presence of your lover. The mocking tone was one thing but… it was the way he looked at you. Though his mask was on, you could read his expression. And it was certainly not one of love. The feeling of dread was slowly growing more and more larger.

“Zandik…”

“Do not call me that. I am Il Dottore to you. After all, you are nobody special.” Ah. What did you do to deserve this nightmare…? You could hear the echoes of your own laughter in the background, mocking you. What did you expect? That someone on such a high level like Dottore would stay with you? How laughable, yes, how laughable indeed! But the only thing you could do was beg. Dottore began walking away, the darkness cloaking his figure, and you could not help but run, run, run after him, tripping on your feet as you finally closed the distance between him and you. The only energy you had left was to grip onto his hanging white coat.

You clung to his leg, tears streaming down your face as you continued to plead. “Please don’t. Please! Please, I’ll do whatever you want me to. Anything you want. Just please don’t leave me alone,” you sobbed. Dottore was the only thing you had left in this world. What would you do with yourself if he was gone?

The Harbinger only looked down at you with cold, cold, eyes that made your body feel even more frigid. He then opened his mouth to speak, and you knew if you heard what he said, it would break you.

Which is why it was good when your eyes popped open to that familiar ceiling of yours. Not even a second later, you sat up immediately and would have nearly jumped out of bed if it weren’t for a pair of strong arms holding you in place. But, you didn’t register this right away, and you tried to desperately fight the grip on you but it did not let up.

“[Name],” your brain finally processed the voice that had been calling you. “[Name], calm yourself,” the voice was the very definition of calm, the complete opposite of what you were right now, so the soothing tone managed to get through to you. You swallowed, trying to steady your breathing once more, and attempted to relax your shaking body. The hands on your body remained until you had regained some kind of stability before they slid away. Blearily, you opened your eyes once again and lifted your head, blinking repeatedly to see your lover in front of you once again. Ah, so all of that was just a dream? Oh, you were so, so, thankful it wasn’t reality. 

“Zandik?” You mumbled, rubbing your eyes and adjusting to the light.

“Yes, it’s me. From my office, I could see your heart rate reaching abnormal levels, which is why I came to check on you.” You stole a glance at the machine hooked up to you, and indeed, your heart rate was higher than normal even though you had calmed down a bit. You could only imagine the level it was during the peak of your nightmare.

“Oh…” It was hard for you to form full sentences right now after that terrifying dream. 

“What happened?” He didn’t bother asking if you were okay because the answer to that was clear. You wondered to yourself if you should tell him. No, you shouldn’t, it was dumb. And it was just a dream… just a dream that surely would never become reality, so you shouldn’t waste his time with it.

“I had a dream,” you began, and Dottore looked at you expectantly. “But I forgot what happened,” you lied, hoping that he would buy it.

“It did not seem like a peaceful one.”

“Mhm… I’m not sure,” you replied briefly again. You’re not sure he believed you, but he did not further question it. But as you looked at him again, you just had to make sure he was real, and not just a figment of your imagination that would torture you again. So you reached your hands out to cup Dottore’s cheeks, feeling the intact skin under your palms. He looked at you questioningly, until you practically pinched and squished his cheeks, and normally he would have scolded you for such behavior, but you looked like you really did have a terrible dream, so he let it slide. But you still needed extra clarification.

“Are you real, Zandik?” You definitely sounded like you lost it now. But Dottore humored you anyway.

“I am real,” he affirmed.

“Prove it,” you demanded. Dottore looked at you expressionlessly, pausing for a few moments, perhaps contemplating what he should do to prove something so silly, but soon he pulled your hands away from his face and then leaned in to kiss you. His pointy teeth grazed your lips, bordering the line between a bit of pain and pleasure. You lost track of how long he kissed you like that, but you didn’t mind. You knew what he was trying to say. There was no way a fake could kiss you like that. His kisses were entirely real.

The nightmare still remained as a hazy mess in your head, but it gradually slipped away from you as you lost yourself in Dottore’s kisses.

… But that wasn’t the beginning or end of your dreams. They had been plaguing you for a while, and that one just happened to be the worst one yet. You don’t remember when they started, but you remember they started nice. The dreams felt like a warm blanket, cozy and soft, as you were back in the Akademiya from centuries ago. And they ended pleasantly too, but when you woke up, it certainly felt like the opposite. It was more like you were being suffocated, being so plainly reminded of your old life, and how different you were now. And then you wept yourself back to sleep, beginning to dread sleeping. Perhaps that’s why the nice dreams began to turn into actual nightmares. You just couldn’t understand why this was happening to you. But more importantly, you wished that Dottore hadn’t found out. 

You had lovely friends, segments who would dote on you, access to pretty much any entertainment since your lover still was a Harbinger after all (despite his budgeting issues with Pantalone), and last but certainly not least, you had the love of your life with you. Your life should feel pretty good, with all of these wonderful things around you.

But it didn’t. And you hated it. So, so much.

So it was only a matter of time before you’d be found out.

—

“And so the butterfly tried their best to hide how they truly felt. To hide the cycle of suffering from their loved ones, not wanting to burden the ravens even more. Although they tried their best, they could not keep up the act any longer.”

It started off as a normal day. You woke up with the same lingering sense of sadness, from the mini nightmare you had, but that was something you were used to. But you could have never expected this to happen.

It was during one of your regular, daily checkups. Some of the clones were there, doing their own thing, while Omega was the one administering the checkup. And you were getting the needle today, so that was nice, you guess. 

Oh, when would it end? When would you finally be free? When would your body be able to be strong again? How much longer will you be cursed to live like this? 

But after that internal monologue, you didn’t think much of it as Omega’s gloved hands carefully held your arm steady as he injected you with something. Nor did you pay much attention to the segments’ bickering, which was uncharacteristic of you. You usually liked to listen in and give your two cents on their arguments. But you hoped you didn’t seem too out of the ordinary.

However, sometimes when you try too hard, you end up doing the one thing you were trying to avoid. 

“[Name]? What is the matter?” Omega asked you, and then you realized all the other segments were staring at you as well.

“Huh? What do you mean?” You sat up a bit taller and smiled, hoping to appear your normal self. But it was then you noticed the growing dampness on your lap. Your heart leaped in your throat, and you brushed your fingers against your face, to be met with wet cheeks.

Oh. You were crying. After trying so hard not to. A part of you wanted to keep the facade up a bit longer, but it hurt too much to keep pretending, and it wouldn’t work anyway. Good thing Omega finished the checkup already. Otherwise, it would have been torture to sit there and cry while he took your vitals.

“[Name]-” Omega was the only one who could speak because the other younger clones were too shocked and unsure to say anything. But when he reached out to you, you swiftly dodged it.

“It’s nothing. It’s nothing, really!” Your voice cracked embarrassingly enough but you couldn’t pay attention to that, busy wiping your tears. Before the segments could do or say anything else, you quickly made a beeline for the door and exited into the endless corridors. If they called your name, you didn’t hear it, as you bit your lip to hide your pitiful sobs.

Hopefully hiding in your bed under the covers would alleviate some of the pain.

—

“When the raven came to check on his darling, the butterfly mourned to their companion: ‘How can you bear to look at me when I’ve been stripped of everything I once was? My wings, eyes, beauty, and soul are no more. How can you love me when I cannot even begin to like myself?’ The flightless butterfly wept as they attempted to hide their body away from the creature, though their wings were already too punctured to move. Still, they were too wrapped up in their hatred and guilt to face him. The creature was at a loss as to how to comfort his lover. How could he show that despite the fact they couldn’t fly anymore, or that their wings had lost their vibrance and become dull, he still loved them? The creature knew he had to do something, and so he decided to take off the fox fur and truly become the raven again, for his beloved’s sake.”

The sensation of being alone in your bed did not last for long, for soon enough there was a knock at your door.

“[Name]?” A muffled voice came beyond the door and you silently groaned. Of course the segments told Prime, and of course he was here now to inquire why you acted like that. And you think you forgot to lock your door too. You hoped that if you remained silent, he would just go away. You were wrong.

“[Name], I’m coming in.” And seconds later you heard the door to your room open and close, and then the footsteps stopped at the side of your bed. Though your face was under the covers, you imagine he was staring down at you.

“I heard what happened,” he began, and then his footsteps echoed throughout the room again as he walked over to the other side of the bed, where you primarily were. The pause after his sentence made you think he expected you to respond, but you didn’t of course. Then, you could feel the bed creak and dip with Dottore’s added weight, and you could feel the brush of his hands against your legs that were covered by the blankets.

“[Name], you can’t keep your head under the blankets forever. You have to come out at some point.” You hated how he was always right because as he spoke you had the desperate need to breathe some fresh air. Ugh. Reluctantly, you lowered the blanket ever so slightly, to only show your tear-stained eyes and your nose. You could feel Dottore’s eyes on you but you avoided looking at him, placing your arm over your eyes.

“[Name].”

“...”

“[Name],” Dottore’s voice had a deeper tone to it now.

“...What?”

“Tell me what is the matter.”

“Nothing is wrong. I-I just felt like crying,” you pathetically defended yourself. You hated showing such weakness in front of Dottore. Yet here you were, crying about your pitiful self while you were sure he had far more important things to attend to. After you spoke, he studied you for a few moments before he replied.

“I have no intention of leaving here until you speak. You may test my patience if you wish, but I will find out what troubles you regardless,” Dottore spoke rather matter-of-factly. You just wanted to shrivel up into nothing at this point. You knew when Dottore says he’ll do something, he’ll make good on it no matter what. And you were right, for countless minutes went by as your lover remained sitting in the same position, turning his gaze to observe your room at times before turning back to you.

Dottore realized that it had been a while since he was in your room. There were just some days when he could not afford the time, so the segments had been taking diligent care of you instead. He looked around your room and noticed some child-like drawings were pinned to the wall. Ah, that must have been you and Zandy. And the Ruin Machine parts scattered on your table. Probably another segment, perhaps Alpha. He makes a silent note to himself to ask you about everything you’ve done in his absence. He obviously wants to be updated on your life still, despite all of his bothersome duties. Dottore looks back at you and sees that you’re wearing a conflicted expression, perhaps wondering how to say what you want to say. That’s alright. Regrator will survive if he doesn’t get his paperwork today. The silence continues before you speak up softly.

“Zandik…” The call of his real name has his attention back on you, and the scholar is prepared to find a proper solution to whatever has you so worked up.

“Do you really love me?” 

…Alright, admittedly, that was not one of the things Dottore was ready to refute, and the Harbinger finds himself at a loss of words for a few moments, though he does not let it show on his face. Here he was wondering if maybe you had a bad flare-up of your illness, or if possibly some idiot spoke to you wrongly. But instead, you are questioning his love for you? How… surprising and frankly absurd, but he must get to the bottom of this.

“Where is this coming from?”

“I just…” Your face crumples further, looking even sadder if that was possible. “I just don’t understand…” You remember a conversation you had with Childe. He had said you must be quite exceptional to have the Doctor wrapped around your finger. You could only smile and bite your tongue because, in reality, you were nothing special. At least not anymore. Maybe centuries ago, but certainly not now. 

“Understand what?”

“Why you would still love me.” Your statement and crestfallen expression have Dottore’s brain working in an attempt to fully understand this misunderstanding. He could probably fill up a few journals about why you were most dear to him, his pens breaking countless times, about why everything about you far outshone the irrelevant other beings in his world, and why worshipping you instead of even the almighty Archons was something he found far more appealing. But he doesn’t have time for that, no, he needs to make you see how wrong you are as quickly as possible.

“Why would I not love you?” He inquires, hoping to tear down your arguments with reason, that also incorporates his true feelings in it.

“Well, how about my personality? I… I know I’m not the same as I used to be. I might not even be the same person anymore.” Though you generally tried to be as cheerful and happy as you could, just as your old self once was, oftentimes your illness would leave you in a despondent state. And you truly did feel bad, especially when you knew Dottore was taking time out of his busy schedule to be with you, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to speak or even touch him. You just wanted to be alone. But Dottore had an answer for you.

“[Name], I am certainly not the same person as I once was, yet you still love me, do you not? It is no different for you. Furthermore, everyone changes. In a few hundred years, I suspect both of us will be changed people once again. Yet I know that I will still be with you, and you with me, despite our changes. So, do not fear change. You may be different, but my perspective on you shall never change regardless of what you may undergo.” Ah. So no matter how much you drifted away, became distant, swallowed by your illness and your own self-loathing, maybe even becoming unrecognizable to yourself, Dottore would still love you. His words sounded sincere enough, and you wavered a bit, but you still had too many thoughts flooding your brain.

“Okay, but what about my intelligence? I can hardly compare to you or even what I used to be in the Akademiya. Isn’t that a part of what you love me for? But I can hardly offer you anything like that now.” The way you spoke made it seem like you were dead set on making him realize that he couldn’t love you anymore, and though he was indeed a bit confused and even upset that you were looking down upon yourself like that, he continued to prove you wrong.

“You were asleep for over four hundred years. It is only perfectly normal that you are not in the same state as then. But I have no doubt you’ll reach that level once again in due time,” Dottore stated as a fact rather than a possibility. “And, you have actually assisted me with your knowledge far more times than you are aware of. I can think of quite a few times where your words have helped me with my research. So, I will have to disagree with you once again, for you are far smarter than you give yourself credit for.” His voice was calm as he spoke, but it seemed to further agitate you as you chewed on your lip. 

Even as you brought up more points, he shot them down effortlessly. Though his responses did make you feel somewhat better, you still couldn’t help but feel frustrated with yourself. Why? Why couldn’t you see the things he supposedly did? The all-knowing doctor was here, spending so much time in an attempt to make you feel better, something that no one would ever experience, and yet you still couldn’t understand.  By this point, you lay defeated, hand covering your exhausted face. Your constant criticisms seemed to have come to an end as Dottore watched on, scrutinizing you. But you had one last question.

“But me… am I even attractive anymore?” Admittedly, you had trouble looking at yourself sometimes. It was just far too hard to see yourself in a positive light at times. So you had no idea how Dottore could. At these words, there was a delayed response. He remained silent before you felt the bed return to normal, his weight leaving the mattress. Then, you heard the thud of something falling to the floor, and you opened your eyes to Dottore’s unmasked face, red eyes and scars greeting you. But that was not what surprised you. He moved to brush off the black fur that lined his back and the hanging accessories attached to it, the clothing dropping to the floor. And then, he worked at his white overcoat, which pooled at his feet too. You sat up in the bed, watching him with wide and curious eyes. 

“What are you doing?” Your question received no answer as Dottore merely continued to remove his clothing. His gloves came off and his blue shirt did too. The only thing remaining on his upper body was his harness. Which was… kind of funny to be honest, even though it wasn’t meant to be.

But it was then you realized you hadn’t seen Zandik nude since all those centuries ago at the Akademiya. And now you were finally taking a good look at his body, which was covered in markings and scarred skin. So his face wasn’t the only part that had scars… You wanted to reach out, to run your hands along him, and it seemed like Dottore expected you to, in fact, even wanted you to, by the look on his face that beckoned you closer. And so you did, pulling the blankets off of you and standing up, as you hesitantly caressed his skin, all while he looked on closely.

“What do you think?” He questioned.

“What do I think?” you repeated. “Well… I still think you’re awfully handsome, of course.” That was a no-brainer, he would always be incredibly attractive to you. Though before you could inquire as to whether these scars still hurt or not, he interrupted you.

“I know,” Dottore smirked. You raised your eyebrows at that response, but he continued. “Because I know everything about you. There’s nothing about you that I do not keep a record of, and I plan to keep it that way. And though I could once again use my words to answer your question, I do believe it will be more effective to answer through actions. And now that I have revealed myself to you, I hope that you will allow me the opportunity to examine you further to show you exactly how I feel. Yes, I need hard evidence if I am to prove my case to you.”

You took in his words for a second. You were honestly very hesitant about revealing your body to Zandik because you feared what he would think, but the way he spoke with such certainty made you feel a bit comforted. So you relented. 

“Alright,” you murmured, releasing your grip on him to shed your own clothes. Your clothes from your upper half fell onto the floor, leaving you topless. Dottore’s gaze remained on you intently, but there wasn’t anything sexual about this. He simply wanted to observe your beauty. But your bottom half remained covered.

“Continue.” You crossed your arms and sent him a look.

“I’m only continuing if you do too,” you motioned to how his pants and other things were on as well. “I… want to see all of you too.” You would feel more safe that way, not wanting to feel alone. Dottore chuckled.

“As you wish,” he went along with your request and stripped himself further. You gulped as your gaze raked along the rest of his body. His legs didn’t have as many scars as his upper body, but they were still there. Now, Dottore looked at you expectantly, waiting for you to follow through, and you did. You stripped yourself of your lower garments until both of you were only left in your underwear. As the cold air hit your bare body, you suddenly felt wildly self-conscious again.

“Well,” your throat was dry as you mumbled, “here I am. This is me.” You kept your eyes on the floor, not wanting to see his facial expression. Because you were deathly scared of disappointment. The few seconds of silence that followed made you suck in your breath, your stomach churning at what he could possibly be thinking. How frail and weak you probably looked, along with all the other imperfections you hated about yourself. It was all so noticeable to you, there was no way Dottore would miss it either. This was a horrible idea, and you opened your mouth to speak, to forget it, desperate to hide away from your lover when he spoke one lone word that made you stiffen.

“Beautiful.” You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. You hesitantly met Dottore’s gaze so you could gauge his expression, and as much as you wanted to convince yourself that he was lying because there was no way your pitiful self could reach that level of praise from him, you knew he wasn’t. You’ve known him longer than anyone, so you knew when he was being sincere. And right now, there wasn’t a hint of mocking or falseness in his tone.

You could no longer hold his gaze at that simple but heavily loaded word, but in a few seconds, his bare hands were running around your body. You wanted to shy away from his touch, but Dottore’s grip on you was strong and firm. His fingers fluttered down your arms, your tummy, your back, carefully examining every inch of you while you could only watch on… it seemed as though he had your entire body mapped out and memorized. In fact, it seemed like he was enjoying this, a small hum escaping him as he mentally made notes about you. 

“Indeed, quite beautiful, even more than I predicted. Really, it’s rather interesting to see how my hypothesis can fall so short of reality.” His words made your body heat up in embarrassment, but you still couldn’t help but be confused by his words. Surely you weren’t anything that special. But he sure looked at you like you were.

“Would you permit me to have a closer look?”

“I… uh, sure,” you fumbled over your words, still left speechless from that. Zandik then effortlessly picked you up and placed you on the bed, making you squeak from the unexpected movement. He could quite literally see every part of you, as he now hovered over you as you lay on your back, his eyes boring into your figure as he restrained you from trying to squirm away. Your body was stiff and nervous as he hummed, gliding a finger across your body until he reached one particular scar.

“Ah, I remember this one. When I was on the ladder near the bookshelves in the Akademiya’s library and accidentally dropped a book on you.” You blinked once, and then twice at his words. Dottore actually remembered that, just from a mere marking? After you got over your initial surprise, you couldn’t help but let out some giggles at that. You had forgotten how you had gotten some of your scars since you avoided looking at yourself, but that memory was just too good.

“You know you nearly killed me that day? All because I called you ‘love’,” you huffed to which Dottore chuckled.

“You called me ‘love’ in public. Of course I would be startled.”

“It was three AM in the library, and there was no one there,” you rolled your eyes, finding some more comfort at how Dottore’s hands would wander over the parts you considered imperfections. 

“And this one, it was from when that idiot pushed you over.” The scar he was referring to was when you were on a group expedition with numerous other scholars, and some guy thought it would be a good idea to barrel into you, making you take a pretty nasty fall. Zandik was more pissed off than you. Looking back now, it was pretty funny. You didn’t realize it, but Dottore was doing a good job of distracting you from your thoughts. It just felt… really nice to be genuinely appreciated for who you were, despite the flaws you had, and you began to relax a little bit more. 

After some more memories and reminiscing, the room went silent again as the only thing that could be heard was the breathing of you two, your own breaths much calmer than what they were a while ago. Not a single part of your body hadn’t fallen victim to his hands. You were now cuddled into his chest as he held you. You just loved Dottore so much. Though your insecurities still lingered a little bit in the back of your mind, he did help you to feel much better. After all, who else besides you was afforded the words “you’re beautiful” from none other than Il Dottore?

Not to mention how handsome Zandik was. You got to brush your hands all over his body too… Although you were sad he’s been hurt so much, he was still wildly attractive. You wanted to like this more with him… more open. More exposed. You’d still be quite nervous every time, but maybe this could… help you. And you’d get more bonding time with your beloved.

“Zandik… could we start taking baths together?”

“Baths?” Zandik echoed while stroking your hair, then smirked at you.  “Could it be that you want to see more of me, dear [Name]? Why, I could never have expected you to be so bold.” You couldn’t help but blush and roll your eyes at his teasing.

“Yeah, yeah, sure, you got me there Zandik,” you huffed, further burying your face into his chest, fingering the straps of his harness. “I just thought it would be nice to do that with you,” you mumbled shyly, to which Zandik only chuckled.

“Of course. I see no reason as to why we can’t.” Dottore felt you smile against his bare skin, but he felt the need to give you a little talk.

“[Name],” he began, his voice a touch more serious than before, and you knew that he was probably going to lecture you a little bit. He tapped his fingers on your neck, a sign that he wanted you to look at him. So very reluctantly, you stopped nuzzling his chest and peeked up at him nervously. He sighed as he held your chin, just in case you tried to look away like you always did.

“I expect you will not hold your tongue around me in the future, yes? Allowing such thoughts to fester will only lead to further misunderstandings down the line. I do not want to see that for you,” he said rather sternly, but you knew it was with good intentions. Still, you hated putting your stupid troubles onto Dottore. It was surely so frivolous compared to what he had to deal with… And of course, it seems like your lover read your mind based on his next words.

“[Name], your words will never be anything less than important to me. You must speak to me whenever something ails you. All this is not good for your health, either.” Then, after a pause, he added a bit more solemnly, unconsciously holding your nude body tighter against his. “You have been completely silent for four hundred years. I want to hear whatever you have to say, regardless of what it may be.” Ah, that was right. He had to deal with you being deathly quiet for that long…

“Alright, I will,” you promised, returning the gesture and holding him tighter (if that was even possible, considering how weak you were).

“Good,” he replied, back to his usual demeanor.

This wouldn’t be the end. There would still be many days when you felt like this all over again. When your negative thoughts got the best of you and tried to consume you whole. In fact, every day could be a struggle, with your illness and mood fluctuating. But that could wait for tomorrow.

Right now, there was only this moment where only the two of you existed, and that was all that mattered.

Bonus:

Dottore had begun to move away from you, and his warmth leaving your body immediately had you protesting and clinging onto him.

“[Name], you have to put your clothes back on now otherwise you’re going to catch a chill.”

“I don’t want to,” you whined, trying to pull his arm back into the bed. He looked at you with amusement.

“Alright,” he gave into your demands, “but only for a little while more. And you must come even closer then.”

You didn’t know if it was possible to get any closer to Zandik than this, but you happily accepted.

—

“Although the raven and butterfly promised to be bound to each other for all eternity, the butterfly began to long for something more. They became somewhat jealous of the other creatures in the forest, and longed to follow their ways with their own darling.”

Marriage.

It was something that was growing more and more of a need rather than a want. You never thought you would be here, lying awake at night, daydreaming of Dottore marrying you, but here you were now. Admittedly, hearing the stories from the other Fatui agents was mainly what put the idea in your head. When you inquired into their love life, many of them would tell you about their spouse. “Spouse.” What a wonderful word. A sign that their love for each other had reached such a stage had you smiling. But then you realized that you could not call Dottore your husband, nor could he call you his spouse.

You didn’t expect it to bother you that much, but it did. Why weren’t you two married? Was that why people doubted your relationship so much? Perhaps if you had a ring and some papers to show for it, it would finally get through their thick skulls?

Besides that, the idea of marrying Zandik was very appealing. You didn’t need or want some big, fancy wedding, but rather it was the notion of marriage that you enjoyed. Yes, you knew you two would never be apart from each other, but marrying him was still nice to think about. And it would be so cute! So you made up your mind to marry Zandik. All you needed was to get him to agree.

“Dottore, let’s get married.” That one sentence made Dottore stop moving his pen, leaving a blot of ink where he left it resting.

“Pardon?” You had barged into his office a mere few seconds ago and those were the first words you uttered.

“I would like us to get married. You know, officially and all of that.” You stood right in front of his desk, staring at him with a proud smile on your face. Dottore stared right back at you with an unreadable expressionable, silence overtaking the room, before chuckling and picking back up his pen. 

“Very amusing, dear,” he continued writing whatever he was working on. You furrowed your eyebrows at his dismissal, quite offended at how he blew you off, before grabbing the pen right from his hand, unclicking it, and placing it in the cup holder. You had his attention once again.

“Zandik,” you emphasized his real name so he knew you were serious, “I mean it.” Dottore peered at you before folding his hands on his desk.

“Why?”

“Why?” You repeated. Wasn’t it completely obvious, the reasons as to why one would want to get married? And really, how many people could be like “Oh yeah, I’ve been married for a few hundred years!” (You imagined yourself doing that to others in the future. Well, hopefully, you’ll be alive in a few centuries too.) 

“Well, I mean, because we love each other of course. And marriage is one of the highest displays of love one could show to another.” 

“I see,” he seemed to take in your words. “Although I beg to differ. I believe that the mere concept of marriage could never compare to how I have shown my devotion to you in much larger amounts.”

“I-I guess you’re right about that,” you admitted, “but it would be… romantic! And there would be hard evidence, yes, tangible proof for both of us as a sign of our love.”

“Tangible proof?” The Harbinger chuckled. “I already have much evidence of our love. It’s standing right in front of me. What more proof would I want than you?” He then tapped to his neck, and you followed suit, brushing your fingers against your neck only to find a bite mark that was healing. Ugh! How dare he be both romantic and refute both of your points? And also curse him for not taking you seriously! Normally, you would have gotten mushy over the flirting but this time you felt the prick of annoyance.

“It could be like, a new chapter for us. You know.” You were running out of practical reasons. The legal benefits stuff, last names, or whatever, didn’t apply to or matter to the two of you. Your relationship was quite unique after all. A Harbinger didn’t care much for the law anyway.

“I can’t see our relationship changing that much after one ceremony.” 

“Well, it would be gradual…” 

“What exactly would be different?” You couldn’t believe you were going back and forth about a subject such as marriage. Wouldn’t the average person be overjoyed to be proposed to by their longtime lover?! Ah, but you should kick yourself for expecting things to go normally. Zandik was certainly not the average person. 

“Okay, then how about the fact that I want to marry you, Zandik? Nothing more, nothing less. It’s solely what I want. That’s all.” You didn’t realize your voice had risen in volume until after the fact, and you immediately winced at his expression. You probably looked so dumb, getting so worked up over something like this. 

But indeed, you were sure Dottore could see the selfish part of you now. Perhaps there was a part of you who felt guilty for being unable to express your love in the same ways you used to be able to due to your illness. A part of you who still felt terribly sorry for your lover, having to deal with your lackluster abilities. So perhaps by marrying Dottore, it would be a way of showing him how much you loved him, a simple yet clearly efficient act that would hopefully be sufficient enough for a while, until you were strong enough to do more extravagant things. But oh, you should have known better than that. You can’t get away like that, [Name]. So you quickly backtracked your words. There was no use in pushing this subject. And really, you were obviously quite content with the current state of the relationship. He loved you, you loved him. What more could you ask for, especially being the way you are now?

“You’re right, it’s dumb. Never mind,” you mumbled in a deflated manner, gaze falling downcast. “I’ll go now,” you tried to quickly excuse yourself and go hide in a corner, but Dottore’s sigh made you stop.

“[Name], come here,” he called you over to his lap. Although you wanted to just run out of the office, you knew that he would catch you before you could make any good distance, so it was probably best to just comply now. So you made your way to Dottore and sat down on his lap, his hands steadying you and pulling your back flush against his chest. One arm was secured around your tummy while the other stroked your cheek.

“[Name], you know I did not mean to offend you. I was simply curious as to your reasoning.”

“Mhm.” Oh, you were definitely mad at him from the way you refused to meet his eye. He sighed once again, and he knew there was only one way to fix this situation.

“Let us get married.” Those few words made you perk up in his lap and practically swing around, your chest now pressed against his.

“Really?” You looked up at him with pleading eyes, hands gripping the fabric of his shirt. “But why?”

“Yes, really. And for why… think of it as indulging my curiosity while simultaneously making my soon-to-be partner happy. It does interest me to see if our attitudes to each other will change after marriage.” Really, the bigger part of the picture was that he didn’t want you to sulk or be mad at him, he preferred to see you smiling. But he didn’t need to say that part out loud. And he couldn’t anyway because, in the next instant, you kissed him hard before launching into a whole speech.

“Oh, I promise, it won’t even be anything big! I know you don’t like big fancy gatherings, so it could just be the two of us! And maybe the Tsaritsa I think, because we still need the person to officiate it or whatever, but I promise it won’t be a hassle! Trust me, you’re going to enjoy it okay?” You spoke so fast he was surprised you didn’t trip over your words. As quick as you spoke, you pecked his cheeks before hopping off his lap and out the door, muttering something about getting help from Columbina.

…Well, it was a good thing that you were still full of surprises, Dottore thought.

—

“And so the raven and the butterfly promised to join together in an act of union, although their lives were already heavily intertwined. Soon, there would be truly nothing that could sever their bond of love. But the raven still needed a bit of help understanding the importance of such an official union.”

By now, news of his wedding had spread. Not to the underlings, no, he did not want to listen to their gossiping every corner he turned. But rather all of the Harbingers knew of the event. Most of them were completely baffled but had the decency to send their well wishes. For you, mostly. Not for him. And then there were others who wanted to intrude on his business badly. Namely Pantalone. He was the first to wish him, and the first to curse him if he hurt you in any way. 

And now he was the first to badger him on his marriage. Apparently, he believed that he wasn’t trying hard enough, as he left all the details and organization to you. Dottore didn’t really see the problem. He was letting you live your dream, and you were perfectly fine without his input. But Pantalone clearly had a problem with this.

“Dear Doctor, you truly are an idiot sometimes.” Dottore paused his writing.

“Excuse me?”

“Your lack of attention is one thing, but do you think that showing up in bloody clothes is acceptable?” He was probably the kind of person to finish a surgery and then head straight to the wedding right after. Dottore glanced at his arms and indeed, there were some dried blood stains that he had yet to change out of. But he scoffed at the banker, he may not care much for social etiquette, but even he knew the basics.

“Obviously I would wear clean clothes,” he clarified.

“I’m sure you would,” Pantalone replied calmly and sarcastically. “But my point still stands, as you clearly have no idea how serious this is.” Dottore was partially offended by Pantalone’s words. The piles of notebooks about you surely showed how much he knew and understood you.

“[Name] would be happy regardless of what I do. Besides, the ceremony is only for an hour or so. Perhaps even less.”

“Yes, they would be,” he sighed. “I don't think I'll ever understand how that poor thing tolerates you. But just think about this,” he began pacing around the room as if he didn’t subtly insult the doctor. “Of course, I’m sure I barely know the faintest thing about [Name]’s past, but when was the last time you’ve seen them so eager to get all dressed up? So excited for something, hmm?” Dottore crossed his arms and began to thoughtfully consider his co-worker’s words. 

Indeed, you were practically bouncing and glowing with every footstep you took. Really, to think something like this could make you so happy. Perhaps this was another example of how his brain worked differently from yours. You had marked the day on your calendar and the first thing you did when you woke up every morning was count the days until the ceremony. You were also far more affectionate, being in your “honeymoon phase” as you called it. 

Every so often, Columbina, who was also covering the expense for you, would barge into the lab with countless clothes and designers who would customize an outfit for you. Dottore didn’t quite understand or particularly enjoy your friendship, but he couldn’t deny he liked hearing you laugh and smile, so he let it slide. Of course, neither he nor the segments were allowed to see as you insisted it would remain a surprise until the wedding. Zandy was excluded from this rule though.

“It may be only a mere hour, but surely the Doctor is capable enough to make his soon-to-be spouse happy in that short time. Even your own segments know better,” Pantalone continued with a smile still on his face. “I’ll even choose the outfit for you, as I’m sure you have nothing of the sort in that dreadful closet of yours.” And yes, Dottore often showed up to balls and gatherings in his same clothes, ignoring the fact they were usually formal occasions. For your sake, he really wasn’t going to let the Doctor show up to your wedding looking like… that. 

Although Dottore didn’t appreciate Regrator’s passive-aggressive words, he was beginning to understand and he hated that the man was right. Pantalone took Dottore’s silence as a sign that he had won.

“So we have a deal then?”

“Fine,” Dottore grumbled. Ah, the lengths he’d go for you…

“Splendid. I’m sure [Name] will be positively ecstatic by this. Also, the Mora will be coming out of your funding budget.”

“...What?”

—

“At long last, the raven and the butterfly swore themselves to each other, promising to allow nothing to come between their love.”

The date of your wedding had come, and Dottore had barely seen you. Yes, you had been whisked off by Columbina early in the morning to prepare for the ceremony. But he would see you soon enough.

True to his word, Pantalone had provided a suit that fit him rather well. (He could only hope that it didn’t dent his budget too much, though.) As he got ready, he wondered how you would look. He could only assume that Columbina was going to make you look your very best. Although Dottore always thought the tradition of two spouses not showing their outfits to each other until the day of the wedding was stupid, he was beginning to see the appeal of anticipation. Like after when he’s working on an experiment and the only way to progress is to wait. Actually, he thought the concept of marriage was stupid in the first place, but here he was anyway. And he never thought he would ever find himself wearing a suit, but look at him now. Ah, you really did change him, don’t you?

The venue was Zapolyarny Palace of course. There was no better place. Not only was the inside of it quite beautiful, it was the home of the Tsaritsa who would be conducting the ceremony. The wedding was to be a very private thing, with only you, him, and the God in attendance. You both preferred it that way, wanting the moment to be between only you two. So when Dottore arrived at the grand hall, he expected it to be empty, but the Tsaritsa was there before him, already standing at the altar. A smile appeared on her face once she saw him.

“My dear Harbinger, there you are,” she waved him over and he soon found himself standing next to the Archon. 

“Your Highness,” Dottore nodded his head as a form of respect while the Tsaritsa continued to hum in delight.

“Why, you look quite dashing today. I know [Name] will be overjoyed once they see you.” The Tsaritsa had been rooting for you two for a long time, and now it had finally officially come to fruition. Dottore chuckled at her words.

“I would hope so. This is the first time they’ve seen me in such attire. Speaking of, where are they?”

“They will be here soon. Columbina is fussing over them a lot. But you, are you excited Dottore?” The scholar mulled over her words. Perhaps excited was a stretch, but he was indeed looking forward to it. Perhaps it was the act of making you happy that brought him more joy than the actual marriage. Perhaps the idea of seeing the ring on your finger brought him a certain sense of possessiveness knowing others could see his claim on you. Perhaps the idea of kissing you until you couldn’t take it anymore after the wedding was appealing as well.

…Alright, maybe he was excited. The Tsaritsa seemed to notice his inner conflict.

“It’s alright, you don’t have to answer. I know exactly how my Harbinger feels about this all, anyway,” the Cryo Archon sent a knowing look to her subject, to which Dottore internally cursed himself for showing those emotions. But at that moment a door swung open and a chorus of giggles echoed into the room. Columbina’s face peered through the door before she swiftly hid herself again.

“Oh! Looks like we’ve kept them waiting.”

“Huh, Dottore is there already?”

“Yes, dear [Name], now it’s your time to shine~” There was a shuffle of feet and movement in the other room, but he could not see it as you were not near the doorway.

“W-wait! Are you sure I look okay? What if something is messed up or-”

“Darling, you’re worrying far too much. I bet Il Dottore himself will be left speechless by your beauty.”

“But- but, I don’t know, what if he doesn’t- ah, hey!” Your words were abruptly cut off as Columbina practically shoved you out of the room, nearly making you trip and then slamming the door shut with only a “good luck!” You scowled at your friend’s ill but well-intentioned treatment before immediately straightening up, knowing that the Tsaritsa and your soon-to-be husband could now see you.

And then your eyes landed on your Zandik. He was stunning. Well, he was always stunning to you, but his beauty could surely not be described by your limited vocabulary right now. The suit hugged him so perfectly, going so well with his mask. Perhaps it was because it was such a special day, but everything about him just seemed to stand out more than usual.

Little did you know, Dottore was similarly entranced by you, immediately raking his eyes over your figure and analyzing every part of you. Only that he did not outwardly show it unlike you, who stood there comically with your mouth agape. Dottore had always thought you were the most beautiful being to come into Teyvat. Not even the Gods could hold a candle to your beauty, which was certainly a high standard to meet, but you exceeded it. Perhaps it was blasphemous to compare a mere human to an almighty God, but he felt no remorse in speaking the truth.

“Dearest [Name], you look as beautiful as freshly fallen snow,” the Tsaritsa’s praise snapped you out of your stupefied daze and you composed yourself once again.

“T-thank you, Your Highness,” you gratefully accepted the praise, and then realized they were looking at you expectantly. Especially Dottore. His gaze didn’t leave you for one second as you hurried to the altar. Somehow, as you stood across from him, you were a bit embarrassed to meet his gaze. The jitters were finally settling in.

“We are gathered here today to witness the joining of [Name] and Zandik. Two people who have displayed undying love for each other for centuries,” the Archon began, sending soft looks to the two of you, and then nudging your arm to finally meet the gaze of your lover. So you hesitantly lifted your face to make eye contact with Dottore. There he stood, a smile stretched on his face.

The smile was composed of many things. Naturally, it reflected his usual assured self-confidence with a hint of a smirk. But more importantly, it contained something more real, more soft, that even you had only seen very occasionally. Although it was veiled under many layers that left it hard to see, you could see it was a smile of love. That made you grow a bit warm, and you couldn’t help the smile that crept up on your lips. 

“These two have been through the unthinkable together, and yet their bonds remain unbreakable, their love everlasting. Although they do not need marriage to prove how deep their love is for each other, today they will make it official.” The Tsaritsa kept her words short and sweet. She knew either of you did not care for all of the long, boring, drawn-out details. You two just really wanted to get married. And it was better for you to profess your vows in private. She knew her Harbinger would hold his words back in her presence. She then turned to you and asked the question you saw coming, motioning for you two to hold hands. Dottore still wore gloves, but this pair was thinner than his usual ones.

“Do you take Zandik to be your husband? To love and cherish him above all else?”

“I do,” you replied with no hesitation. The God then turned to Dottore.

“Do you take [Name] to be your spouse? To love and cherish them regardless of what may happen?”

“I do,” you could see his shark teeth peeking out from his mouth. The Tsaritsa nodded in acknowledgment of the answers.

“By the power vested within me as the Tsaritsa, the Cryo Archon of Snezhnaya, I now pronounce you as a lawfully wedded couple,” the Tsaritsa said seriously before she switched to a more lighthearted tone. “You may now kiss,” she smiled at the two of you. And then Dottore leaned in for the kiss first, catching you off guard but you eagerly reciprocated. You had intended for it to be a short but sweet kiss, considering the Tsaritsa was right there, but it seemed like Dottore had other plans, as he deepened the kiss. Highly aware of the Cryo God’s amused stare, you tried to mumble a protest against your sealed lips and gripped your husband’s suit harder to get him to stop embarrassing you. But this only made the Archon laugh.

“It is always lovely to see a couple so passionately in love. How beautiful,” the Tsaritsa grinned, giving her last blessing before Dottore finally pulled away from you. “But, I will not intrude on the newlyweds' time any longer. Please, I hope you enjoy the rest of the day, and may it remain eternal in your memories,” the Tsaritsa smiled knowingly at the two of you before making her exit. She was indeed the God of Love. Only you and your new husband remained in the spacious hall now, and a silence swept into the room. Well, what does one say or do after getting married?

“Zandik-”

“Ah ah, we still have one thing to do.” He then produced two boxes presumably with rings inside.

“Oh! The rings!” You had forgotten about that until now, with all of the things that had happened.

“Give me your hand, dear.” Oh, it always gave you butterflies when he called you a pet name. He was really in a good mood. You stuck out your hand and he popped the box open, revealing a gorgeous ring, a dazzling blue jewel in the center. You were definitely going to end up with a sore lip, from how much you were biting it to stop smiling so hard. Dottore then slipped the ring onto your finger with ease, a perfect fit of course. It was no surprise he knew your measurements without having to ask. But now it was your turn. 

You fiddled with his ring in your hand. It was a lot simpler than your one, probably because he did not care much for such extravagance on himself, and he would most likely keep it stored away rather than on his finger for obvious reasons. He definitely did not want the blood of a random person dirtying it…

With bated breath, you tenderly grasped his fingers and slipped the band onto him. It was done, and you were incredibly pleased.

“My husband,” you smiled.

“My darling,” he reciprocated your affections and was about to speak again when you suddenly launched yourself at him, hugging him with as much strength as you could muster.

“You’re mine, all mine. My husband,” you repeated the words as they felt so good on your tongue. Your husband wrapped an arm around you, stroking your hair.

“I have always been yours,” he replied like this was old news. But if becoming your husband would help solidify that for you, then this was well worth it, Dottore thought. “And you have always been mine. It will never change.” He felt you smile and giggle into his chest before you pulled away, a truly happy expression on your face.

“See? I was true to my word, wasn’t I? Quick and simple, just the two of us. You liked it, didn’t you?” Oh, you were just begging for praise now. But he would entertain you, just for today.

“Indeed, it was an efficient ceremony. But I’d say the best part was seeing you like this,” Dottore commented as he ran his hands over your chest, admiring the smaller details about your attire and how well it hugged you. “Very alluring,” he rumbled. You ignored the heat rising up your body as you returned the compliment.

“Well, I could say the same thing about you, love. I would have never guessed you would have greeted me in such an outfit,” you traced your fingers over his tie, resisting the urge to yank on it to kiss him. That could wait for later because right now you were shamelessly staring at him in it.

“Well, I can assure you that you’ll have another chance to further examine me later,” he chuckled at your prying gaze, “but for now, give me your hand.” You looked at him questioningly but agreed when he pulled you closer yet again.

“Did you know? It is customary for newlyweds to dance at their weddings. That is something you would enjoy, no?”

“Oh! I’d love to! But we don’t know how to dance, do we?” Dottore grinned widely, his pointy teeth nipping his lip, making you question him.

“Wait, you know how to dance?”

“Of course. Being a Harbinger means acquiring a vast variety of skills.”

“You never told me that!”

“You never asked.”

“Well, it’s not something I would normally ask you! You should have told me,” you huffed. 

“Now I’m going to look dumb, with my lack of dancing skills compared to you.” Your husband chuckled.

“Do not fret. I will guide you.” He raised your already clasped hands higher until you two were in basic form. Well, as best as you could, because there was not only your inexperience, but your illness made it hard to keep up such a stance. 

And you two danced. If it could be called dancing, considering the amount of time you stepped on his feet or even tripped, along with the multitude of apologies. But it didn’t matter. It was fun, and your laughter rang out loudly in the grand hall. It didn’t matter that it came to a point when your feet couldn’t handle it anymore, you still let yourself be twirled and adored by your new husband, enjoying the first delight of being married.

—

“The hearts of the raven and butterfly were undeniably together as one, which led to great joy for the two of them.”

Alright, you had to admit it. Dottore was right. Outwardly, it seemed like nothing much had changed about your relationship. Life was really the same routine. Your illness and his duties still existed after all. But that was okay! Change does not need to be seen to occur. Perhaps the change happened within you both. Your heart was certainly lighter now. But it would certainly make you happier to partake in some more “domestic” activities, now that you two were a married couple. Though you obviously weren’t going to bring that up to your husband. He already has enough to do, after all! Still working on the cure to your illness too, without rest…

… 

…Well, you shouldn’t think about it too much! You should believe in your husband, no matter what happens. And speaking of, it seemed like your wish for domesticity would be granted without you asking, for one day Dottore came to you with a request.

“[Name], I require your assistance.” Those few words had you immediately intrigued because it was rare that Dottore asked you for your help since most of the stuff he needed help with was far beyond your ability now. Naturally, you were eager to please him.

“I need you to help me…” you held your breath in anticipation, “cook.” 

Huh? In disbelief, you could not help but repeat his words.

“You want me to help you cook? Like a meal?”

“Yes, that’s correct,” Dottore replied, dead serious. You had to hold back your laughter.

“But… why?” Dottore let out a sigh and rubbed his temples.

“Regrator has forced my hand into doing frivolous nonsense for the sake of his games once again. What happened was…” Dottore then went on to explain the conversation he had with the Ninth Harbinger. Apparently, they had gotten into one of their usual prickly discussions, and somehow it had turned into a list of things the other could not do, and cooking had been brought up. Of course, not wanting to appear inferior to the other Harbinger (who was surprisingly a decent cook) declared himself as an okay one too. Pantalone, who loved to be as petty as possible when it came to his co-worker (and could probably detect the lie anyway), requested him to demonstrate his skills to him. If he was a good cook like he claimed, then it would surely be no issue, right? He wouldn’t mind putting his budget on the line, right?

Now, this was one of the very few times Dottore regretted lying for the sake of his goals. That was definitely worth a long laugh, you thought, as you couldn’t hold in your laughter anymore. Dottore was not amused in the slightest. But then you had a thought. You wondered if Pantalone did this on purpose so that you could enjoy the domestic life with your husband. He was very perceptive when it came to these things after all. Maybe you were reaching with that but… you thanked him silently anyway.

“So your plan is to have me help you cook, and then pass it off as if you did all of it? Well, I certainly won’t say no. But I worry for you… I still remember what happened in the Akademiya.” You don’t want to think about the dreadful times of Zandik ruining the dorm’s kitchen when he tried to cook.

“It will be alright. I will follow your lead.” Oh, being in charge of Dottore for a few hours? Well, now you really couldn’t pass up this opportunity. 

For the dish, you had decided to go with something you were familiar with. Samosas. You remember making them for Zandik quite often in the Akademiya. In fact, it was the first dish you cooked for him and one of the things that won him over. Those were good times.

Although, your hands were still not the best at dealing with stuff in the kitchen. They were shaky and you could possibly hurt yourself. So instead you decided to guide him through the technical part of the process. Thankfully, Dottore’s expertise with a scalpel came in handing while cutting ingredients. So that part wasn’t too hard. You just had to ignore how your body warmed when you had to place your hands over his to show him how to properly do it.

Surprisingly, he was rather non-combative as you instructed him what to do, the spices to add, how to mix and add the ingredients, and whatnot. It was rather cute, really, to see him try so hard. The only problem was that he still fucking blew it, smoke filling the room (you had no idea how that could happen) and you had to do it yourself (with him standing protectively next to you as if the food and fire were going to jump out and attack you.) 

At least shaping and rolling out the dough was a less challenging task for him… though it seemed like he lacked the patience and delicateness needed for the rest of it, so he opted to rest his hands around your waist, face nuzzled into the crook of your neck as he observed your handiwork. It was a little bit crooked, considering your shaky hands, but far better than whatever Dottore was doing. And although you welcomed the weight of his chest pressed against your back, you weren’t really sure why he continued to look since this wasn’t all that interesting.

“Dottore, you know you don’t need to stay? I can tell you when the samosas are done, I know you’re busy.” Your husband seemed to playfully ponder your words.

“I’d prefer to observe the skillfulness of my spouse.” The fact that he wanted to stay with you made you smile.

“From this position of all? Mhm, sure thing,” you hummed in amusement as his arms tightened around you.

The domestic life was a good one.

(Pantalone took one look at the samosas and instantly knew the Doctor could have never made them, but did not say a word, for his goal had been accomplished.)

After that, strangely enough, there were a few more events that you would consider “domestic.” They weren’t frequent, no, but you wouldn’t say they were thinly sparse. One of your favorites had just been a few days ago.

“Eh? You want to… read a book with me?” You had absolutely no idea why Dottore suddenly entered your room as night fell with only that request. You were surprised by this as he never took an interest in your novels. Although you took an interest in his scientific texts every now and then, you still preferred your silly fictional novels. It was nice to escape to another world. But that wasn’t the point right now.

“That’s correct.”

“But why?”

“Why not? Is it so strange that I want to learn more about what occupies my lover’s time so much?”

“Well… no,” you admitted. You were caught off guard at first, but of course, you’d happily agree. “Okay, you can choose any book you want,” you motioned to your shelves which was home to numerous other things than books as well. Dottore looked at the variety of books you had before choosing one at random, wiping the dust off. You two then got comfortable in bed, your back pressed snugly against his chest as he held the book open in front of you. Looking at the title, you couldn’t seem to remember what this one was about, so it would definitely be nice to reread it with your husband. 

As he began to read the first few pages, your mind began to recall bits and pieces of the book. And that’s when it hit you. You remember this book had a… particularly passionate kissing scene right at the very beginning that had your face a little hot the first time you read it. Oh, you definitely did not want Dottore to know that! Why did he have to choose this book out of all the ones there? At this realization, you began to grow antsy between his arms.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just realized, we should probably stop reading this book.”

“Why?” 

“Um, you see, this is actually the second book in the series. So we need to read the first book first in order to understand it.” The poor excuse flew off your tongue.

“Where is this first book, then?”

“Well, I don’t own it…”

“So you read the second book without reading the first?”

“Erm, yes, I did actually… and I’m warning you now so you aren’t confused like I was! It’s for your own sake.” Okay, now you had dug yourself in a hole because that was obviously a blatant lie.

“You’re hiding something,” Dottore observed after blankly staring at you for a few moments, before swiftly moving the book out of your reach and flipping through the pages, to which you protested obviously giving yourself away. But it was too late.

“Oh? What do we have here?” He quickly scanned a few pages, his grin only growing larger and larger as you hid your face. But Dottore found it extremely amusing if anything.

“Why, I would have never thought this is the kind of stuff you read. Perhaps there is more that I don’t know about you than I thought,” he teased, causing a loud groan to emit from you. A part of you wondered if he planned this, from the way he was already moving in to nip at your earlobe.

“Tell me, did you come in here because you actually wanted to read or just tease me?” You pouted as he cupped your chin, bringing you close for a kiss, to which you happily reciprocated, albeit a bit peeved.

“I guess you’ll never know,” Dottore smirked before enveloping you in his arms and pushing you down onto the bed, capturing your lips once again. “But I am curious to find out how realistic those scenes could be.”

Needless to say, a lot more kissing than reading got done that day.

—

“The raven and butterfly’s happiness continued for much longer. But of course, every creature is aware that nothing lasts forever, and even the lightning in the sky would agree with that statement. All fairytales must come to an end. That was no different for the raven and the butterfly.”

Ah. The time had flown by rather quickly, Nahida thought. Already she was nearly at the end of this tale, despite how lengthy it was. For some reason, that always seemed to happen whenever she tried to retell this particular chronicle. But now, she was ready once again to see this story to the very end, as always.

However, her gentle heart still cannot help but feel a little bit of pity for the two of you, knowing how this tale ends.

[velvet4510]

Ok so I came across an Erik Lehnsherr hater who shall not be named (I don’t even remember their username anyway and frankly I don’t want to if this is how they think) who claimed that:

Erik was an emotionally abusive predator to Charles, intentionally drawing Charles closer to him and targeting his insecurities so he could break him in First Class.

Erik intentionally drove Charles and Raven apart so that he’d always have one of them under his thumb and purposely planted the seeds that the fallout was all Charles’ fault and emotionally manipulated Raven into hating Charles so that they wouldn’t be able to stand united against him.

Erik was overall no better than Shaw in how he handled the human vs. mutant situation - but also on an individual level; the example given was that he tried to shoot Raven in front of Charles, just as Shaw shot his mother in front of him.

the overall message of the prequels is “don’t try to help a traumatized person that you happen upon in the ocean because that person will destroy your life,” a message apparently sealed by the Paris proposal finale in which Erik “waits until Charles is physically and emotionally isolated from everyone else in his life to swoop in and play savior and take him away to his remote home to keep calling all the shots.” (I’m paraphrasing here, but that’s the gist of what they said.)

Firstly, my friends, I am tired. I am sick, fighting off a bad cold. I am up to my neck in schoolwork. I don’t have the energy atm to write the kind of rebuttal to this claim that I want to make. And the fact that I’ve no idea how to create my own gifsets certainly doesn’t help.

Secondly, we all know that Cherik do not have a perfect or even healthy relationship. I really don’t think any of us are under such an illusion; we all regularly express our frustration with many of their moments. But I do think that there are more than a few flaws in this user’s claims that can be articulately opposed.

So I summon my fellow Cheriks. Do whatever you want. Be as academic or rageful as you like. But address these claims in some way, please??? Help me dive into the nuance, pick it to pieces! Once I’m well again, I’ll make my own post to add to the discussion.

Also spread the word; tag others you know so they can chime in.

(I personally would love it if anyone with the gifset skills that I don’t have could make some kind of master set of every time, every moment big or little where Erik is kind to Charles or soft with Charles or just shows/indicates that he genuinely loves him. Just to really put a bruise in that “abuser” accusation.)

Even if the original accuser never reads any of this, I think it’s worth it to put the discord out there for the rest of the fandom. Usually I don’t wish to give haters the time of day, but these claims were just too extreme and too juicy for me to shrug them off.

So please, however way you want to do it, let’s not let these claims go unanswered.

@wishchip106 @star-lights-up @swordsandsadness @cherikdogfood @uniquecellest @sinspirefly @caramelc0rgi

[kikyoupdates]

⭑˚💞⭑ yandere!ocs x f!reader

yandere, reverse harem, yandere reverse harem, original characters x fem!reader, slowburn, isekai

A desperate cry on your deathbed leads to you being given a fresh start at life. You're overjoyed at having finally obtained a healthy body and a real chance at living normally, only to discover that you've been transported into a yandere game, where danger lurks at every corner. Determined to protect your new life at any cost, you vow to stay as far away from the major characters of the game as possible. But things don't always go as planned.

00 — prologue 01 — a living miracle 02 — taking precautions 03 — swinging like a champ 04 — mr. two-faced 05 — the protagonist's arrival 06 — and so it begins 07 — stranger danger 08 — unexpected kinships 09 — not a partygoer 10 — awfully persistent 11 — trying a new approach 12 — top of the class 13 — swords and scones 14 — insatiable appetite 15 — an unwanted partner 16 — too close for comfrot 17 — academic distinguishment 18 — never ask for directions 19 — royally screwed 20 — call it payback 21 — stay disciplined 22 — tavern shenanigans 23 — pricked by a rose 24 — concerning weakness 25 — on school grounds 26 — knights tourney 27 — unpleasant discussion 28 — taking chances 29 — heavy heart 30 — library brainstorming session 31 — a friend's duty 32 — intoxication 33 — the aftermath 34 — dancing without a care 35 — personality shift 36 — clean slate 37 — worst date ever 38 — threatened 39 — feelings awry 40 — happiness 41 — a taste so sweet 42 — in denial 43 — revelation 44 — endless dream 45 — bereaved 46 — a hidden smile 47 — going to be okay 48 — thief's penance 49 — enraged 50 — hope and despair 51 — a sickening arrangement 52 — in theory 53 — to challenge fate

-ˋˏ ༻ Special Chapters༺ ˎˊ-

✿ halloween! 🎃 ✿ christmas! 🎄 ✿ valentine's day scenarios ✿ what could have been

More chapters are available on Quotev!

⊱.⋅follow + post notifications on for story update announcements or join the author's discord!⋅.⊰

💞 main masterlist ♡ character appearances

[astrojulia]

Astro Observations from the Deep Sea #2

~Aries houses edition

Navigation:   Masterlist✦Ask Rules✦Feedback Tips

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♂⟶ Sometimes communication with relatives and neighbors can be challenging to 3rd house Aries, and it's important to keep everyone in the loop, especially if their interests are involved.

♂⟶ 8th house Aries have a strong and resilient spirit that has helped they overcome difficult times, they are determined to succeed and have a deep drive to win.

♂⟶ 9th house Aries hold their philosophical and religious beliefs with conviction, but they are open to hearing different perspectives and engaging in discussions with those who have opposing views.

♂⟶ The 8th house is a house that speaks of difficulties we go through, 8th house Aries difficulties can involve been bullied and mistreated by others and these traumatic events have left them feeling powerless and overwhelmed, causing them to act out in destructive ways.

♂⟶ Aries Rising may tend to view things subjectively from a self-centered perspective, they also maintain objectivity in their perception of things and give factual weight to them.

♂⟶ 6th house Aries generally very healthy and resilient, having a lot of energy and a strong body but they realize that they are sick when their body is already screaming, it's important to listen to your body's needs and avoid pushing yourself too hard since sometimes you are more focused in a mental schedule for your health them your body needs.

♂⟶ Aries Rising don’t wait for opportunities to come to them, acting a lot like “you already have the no” in other words, if you don’t try it's obvious that what you want won't work, but if you try, maybe you will.

♂⟶ Many individuals will be drawn to 5th house Aries because of their strong physical appearance and powerful physical appeal.

♂⟶ 12th house Aries believe in the power of new ideas to challenge and improve the world, but they also understand the potential for resistance and conflict, so they’re the first to see revolutionary acts, because there is always rebellion and dissatisfaction beforehand.

♂⟶ 9th house Aries have a natural curiosity and prefer to learn through hands-on experiences rather than traditional academic settings.

♂⟶ 7th house Aries are drawn to partners with a bold, go-getter attitude, finding attractive when your partner can pursue their desires with ease - especially when it comes to pursuing them.

♂⟶ 2nd house Aries, with the right mindset and a bit of careful planning, can achieve their goals while maintaining a healthy relationship with money like a truck.

♂⟶ 3rd house Aries are not always focused on execution, but rather on the big picture and the possibilities.

♂⟶ 8th house Aries have a strong will and inner strength, with them they have the potential to achieve great things and create a fulfilling life for themself and others.

♂⟶ Aries Rising has a great desire for fame in their lifes and maybe even being one of the best Risings to deal with it because reality is one, fame is lonely, a loneliness that this placement can handle.

♂⟶ 5th house Aries creativity is a major strength, allowing them to live in the present moment.

♂⟶ Aries Rising vitality and character allow them to succeed through their own efforts.

♂⟶ Sometimes when things don't go as planned, it can be frustrating and stressful for 6th house Aries. Just remember to take a deep breath and approach challenges with a positive attitude.

♂⟶ It's important to 2nd house Aries strike a balance between their desire for financial security and their impulsive tendencies.

♂⟶ 3rd house Aries passion for building and design may lead them to pursue degrees in engineering or architecture.

♂⟶ Independence and freedom are extremely important to 2nd house Aries and their see these characteristcs as valuable in their friendships, relationships and work (to be honest, in their life as a whole).

♂⟶ 6th house Aries natural drive and determination will help them succeed in whatever they put theit mind to.

♂⟶ 5th house Aries enjoy discovering new games and taking on innovative tasks, often take the initiative to try them out on their own and something feeling lonely when the subjects are their hobbies.

♂⟶ While 2nd house Aries may make impulsive purchases, you also have a strong drive to reach financial security and are quite aggressive in your pursuit of it.

♂⟶ Some of the reasons that Aries Risings can be famous are for their ambition, courage, initiative, creativitu, audacity, drive… characteristics that if you think of someone you have as an inspiration in life, that person has.

♂⟶ 7th house Aries values their own independence and appreciate a partner who's self-reliant and active so both can do their own activies without being jealous.

♂⟶ 3rd house Aries don't like to rely on others to do their thinking for t,hem and they’re always eager to learn something new. However, they may find it difficult to commit to something long enough to truly master it.

♂⟶ As someone who is attuned to the dynamics of groups, 11th house Aries are quick to notice and address any negative behavior, such as dishonesty or insincerity.

♂⟶ 2nd house Aries might find that their thrive in fields related to construction, mechanical design, or architecture, as these industries can help you build a strong financial foundation. But professions such as police work, military service, firefighting, manufacturing,knit and crochet can be especially lucrative for you, as you have a strong desire to make money and are confident in your ability to do so.

♂⟶ As 4th house Aries get older, they might even start to feel more youthful, active, and playful.

♂⟶ While disagreements among younger family members may be common, 4th house Aries are often the one who coordinates family activities and assigns tasks as needed.

♂⟶ 10th house Aries drive and passion make you well-suited for careers in fields such as law enforcement, military, medicine, construction, and design.

♂⟶ 4th house Aries has difficulty to be open to compromise and listening to their family's needs and desires, thinking they know what's best for their family without consulting them and being authoritative in the family environment. It's important to remember to keep an open mind and be respectful of their opinions.

♂⟶ 6th house Aries brings a lot of enthusiasm and dedication to their daily routine, being able to infect others with this energy, as well as irritating those who are not very keen.

♂⟶ 4th house Aries have a lot of energy and stamina to manage their family and household responsibilities, making likely to take on a leadership role in family matters.

♂⟶ 7th house Aries can get pretty hostile if they feel like they’re being trapped or held back.

♂⟶ 9th house Aries adventurous spirit drives you to seek out unique and exciting experiences, especially in new and foreign cultures. Traveling is a passion of them, and they eagerly embrace new opportunities to explore.

♂⟶ 4th house Aries home is a hub of activity for their family, making they like indoor activies and and being very domestic people (principally combined with Capricorn Rising)

♂⟶ Aries Rising has a natural tendency to use themself as a reference point for integrating other aspects of their mind and personality. They also uses a lot of first person vision to talk about their stories and life, trying to connect with others talking about similar life experiences.

♂⟶ 8th house Aries understand the importance to be positive,kind, undertanding and constructive with themself and others so the harming cycle can end.

♂⟶ 6th house Aries are determined and hardworking person, but they don't want to risk fatigue or injury by overdoing it that’s why they take a lot of care in their health.

♂⟶ 6th house Aries are always pushing themself to get things done, which can make it hard to relax and take a break, making they even more prone to burn out.

♂⟶ 12th house Aries prefer to keep your plans private until they're ready to be shared with others.

♂⟶ When it comes to sharing their opinions and ideas, 3rd house Aries are confident and comfortable expressing themself.

♂⟶ 12th house Aries value their individuality and prefer to maintain a sense of self, even in emotionally charged situations.

♂⟶ In a relationship, 7th house Aries tend to dive in headfirst, with a passion and intensity that can be exciting, even if it sometimes leads to frequent arguments.

♂⟶ 3rd house Aries are also people who enjoys traveling, especially by car, and exploring new places or revisiting old favorites.

♂⟶ Unhapilly Aries Rising self-referencing can lead them to a belief that the universe revolves around them. However, as their notion of self evolves, the integration of their mind at its primary focal point (the self) can lead to a robust and self-aware consciousness.

♂⟶ 10th house Aries is the type of person who surprises everyone with their professional choices, especially if the native also has Cancer Rising, as everyone think that the native will choose safer careers and actually no, they choose their greatest desires and dreams for their life path.

♂⟶ When a relationship ends, 7th house Aries may struggle to come to terms with it, but it's important to focus on the positive aspects of the experience and the growth that comes from it.

♂⟶ 4th house Aries values their independence and enjoys taking initiative in their life, trying thinks that others family members never did.

♂⟶ 4th house Aries were encouraged by a strong and determined mother or primary caregiver to pursue their dreams, and this has given you a bold and outspoken personality.

♂⟶ In everyday correspondence, 3rd house Aries may be somewhat unpredictable, but they’re always ready to respond to emergencies quickly.

♂⟶ 11th house Aries courage, resourcefulness, and determination are key strengths that can help they achieve their goals and fulfill their dreams and they will fight until their last breath to reach and protect their deepest dreams.

♂⟶ While their outgoing nature can sometimes create confusion about the nature of their relationships, 11th house Aries are always willing to lend a helping hand to those they care about and value their trust and loyalty in return.

♂⟶ 4th house Aries may have ancestors who worked in military, navy, or air force.

♂⟶ In groups that are based on hierarchy, 11th house Aries can have a strong position of power and authority.

♂⟶ While this can sometimes be challenging, 11th house Aries have the drive and stamina to effect positive change and revitalize the collective spirit of their social circles.

♂⟶ 3rd house Aries need to be patient to see their visions become reality since their mind is always conjuring up new projects.

♂⟶ To achieve their goals, it's important for 7th house Aries to embrace and assume their assertive and driven personality. They’re more passionate and impulsive they might realize, which is why they’re drawn to people who exhibit unyielding and fierce traits.

♂⟶ 5th house Aries encourage their children to make the most of life and seize every opportunity, instilling them with bravery, strength, and competitiveness since this native children are highly influenced by Mars or Aries.

♂⟶ 10th house Aries possess a natural assertiveness and a pioneering spirit, qualities that can be an asset in their pursuit of t their goals. However, it is important to remain mindful of their impulsiveness and the potential impact it can have on their reputation and relationships, that’s why it is important to take the time to plan, seek out guidance from mentors and experts, and pursue goals that are meaningful and aligned with their values.

♂⟶ In their childhood, 4th house Aries may have felt stifled or embarrassed by a particular authority figure in your household, especially masculine ones.

♂⟶ 9th house Aries value diverse perspectives and are always seeking to expand their understanding of the world.

♂⟶ Building strong and lasting friendships may be difficult to 11th house Aries native, but it can also provide support and encouragement on their journey, even if this native really wants to, their journey is not to be walked alone.

♂⟶ 4th house Aries probably love playing games that require skill and bravery.

♂⟶ 11th house Aries can be more difficult if the native is a woman than a man, since aries nature is something negative for society when it is bound in a woman, their leadership, freedom and expression will be greatly pruned.

♂⟶ As a child, 5th house Aries were highly active and athletic and that passion for movement and challenge continues into adulthood.

♂⟶ People may be hesitant to offer Aries Rising help because they appear capable of handling things on their own and even sometimes refuses the help because they can do it faster and better.

♂⟶ Aries Risings are the type of people who seeks out their life’s purpose and act like what they do in life has a bigger meaner, a bigger mission that no one else can see.

♂⟶ 3rd house Aries loves to brainstorm as this type of communication manages to keep up with their taste for new ideas and fast thinking.

♂⟶ While 10th house Aries are ambitious and confident in their abilities, it is important to remain humble and open-minded, recognizing that there is always room for growth and learning since when this native put their mind in something they’re unlikely to hear anyone, that's great when it comes to criticism but terrible when it's words of help.

♂⟶ 12th house Aries appear reserved in group settings, but in one-on-one situations, they can be surprisingly assertive and confident

♂⟶ Aries Rising personality are characterized by zeal, self-assurance, and initiative, which makes them a true go-getter!

♂⟶ 11th house Aries have a natural ability to connect with others and form meaningful friendships, and they enjoy spending time with people who share your interests and passion for physical activities, they’re the of people who will always have someone to talk whenever they go.

♂⟶ 5th house Aries impulsiveness occasionally results in less-than-ideal outcomes, causing them to get into many embarrassing situations that must be dealt with by their creativity.

♂⟶ 4th house Aries might have also had a few accidents or mishaps around their home, so it's always good to take precautions to ensure everyone's safety.

♂⟶ As 8th house Aries continue to heal and grow, they are discovering the power of channeling their passion and assertiveness in positive ways, building deeper and more meaningful connections in their relationships.

♂⟶ Sometimes 6th house Aries to-do list can weigh heavily on your mind, making it impossible for them to relax and do something else that hasn't already crossed everything off their list.

♂⟶ 4th house Aries need to be careful not to become too controlling or domineering in their household.

♂⟶ While 10th house Aries have a desire for recognition and success, they are mindful that patience and hard work are critical to achieving long-term success.

♂⟶ 4th house Aries leads to a busy and active life, making they neglect their needs for rest and self-care too easily, it's as if the need to achieve their dreams for a better future makes them forget about the needs of the present.

♂⟶ 7th house Aries partner and close friends are a big source of inspiration for them, and they enjoy helping others find their courage and determination.

♂⟶ When it comes to romance, 5th house Aries tend to be confident and forward,often taking the lead in flirting and the pursuit of someone they are interested in can be thrilling, but they may find that once the challenge is over, the attraction fades.

♂⟶ When 2nd house Aries are invested in a project, they have a strong work ethic and are willing to put in the effort to get the job done quickly and efficiently.

♂⟶ 2nd house Aries deal with their stress by buying things.

♂⟶ 12th house Aries prefer to focus on building positive relationships with others than getting into discussions and debates, leaving their sincere opinion aside for the group wellbeing. They prioritize non-violent means of advocating for change and seek to avoid causing harm or pain to others.

♂⟶ Combining travel with business is particularly appealing to 3rd house Aries.

♂⟶ 5th house Aries have a busy social life and a strong desire to enjoy life's finer things. They also may have a competitive streak when it comes to spending time with family and friends, engaging in playful games and roughhousing.

♂⟶ 12th house Aries recognize that competitiveness can sometimes lead to tension and animosity, and they strive to avoid coming across as arrogant or pretentious.

♂⟶ 12th house Aries are highly empathetic, and while this can be an asset, it can also be overwhelming. Taking time to recharge and find inner balance is important to them.

♂⟶ Aries rising may pass as egotistical in their worst, and a strong sense of their self and their desires at their best.

♂⟶ Theirs positive outlook and determination make 9th house Aries believe that they can achieve anything they set your mind to.

♂⟶ 9th house Aries are independent and self-sufficient, which has given them a strong sense of direction and the drive to pursue their goals, they approach challenges with a warrior mentality, ready to overcome any obstacle in their path.

♂⟶ 8th house Aries actively works on healing and finding healthier ways to express their emotions.

♂⟶ When 12th house Aries are comfortable, they’re able to handle difficult situations with ease.

♂⟶ Aries Rising are quite willing to compromise in their relationships and care deeply for those they are close to.

♂⟶ 11th house Aries thrive in group settings and enjoy socializing with others, though they may find that some friendships lack depth and don't last long.

♂⟶ It's no surprise that Aries Rising likely had the role of the 'independent' child early on in their childhood, which has carried over into their adult life.

♂⟶ 7th house Aries interactions can sometimes be characterized by disagreements or competitions, but ultimately, these dynamics are meant to bring out their inner warrior.

♂⟶ 10th house Aries possess a strong drive and a go-getter attitude that has propelled them towards great accomplishments, they enjoy exploring new opportunities and experiences, seeking challenges that will push them out of their comfort zone.

♂⟶ 2nd house Aries financial situation is tied to their self-esteem, and achieving financial success can make they feel even better about themself.

♂⟶ 4th house Aries may find rest anywhere that's not their house.

(CC) AstroJulia Some Rights Reserved

[nostalgebraist]

Steve DeCanio, an ex-Berkeley activist now doing graduate work at M.I.T., is a good example of a legion of young radicals who know they have lost their influence but have no clear idea how to get it back again. “The alliance between hippies and political radicals is bound to break up,” he said in a recent letter. “There’s just too big a jump from the slogan of ‘Flower Power’ to the deadly realm of politics. Something has to give, and drugs are too ready-made as opiates of the people for the bastards (the police) to fail to take advantage of it.” Decanio spent three months in various Bay Area jails as a result of his civil rights activities and now he is lying low for a while, waiting for an opening. “I’m spending an amazing amount of time studying,” he wrote. “It’s mainly because I’m scared; three months on the bottom of humanity’s trash heap got to me worse than it’s healthy to admit. The country is going to hell, the left is going to pot, but not me. I still want to figure out a way to win.”

Re-reading Hunter S. Thompson's 1967 article about Haight-Ashbury, I thought: "huh, this guy sounds like he's going places. I wonder whether he ever did 'figure out a way to win'?"

So I web searched his name, and ... huh!

My current research interests include Artificial Intelligence, philosophy of the social sciences, and the economics of climate change. Several years ago I examined the consequences of computational limits for economics and social theory in Limits of Economic and Social Knowledge (Palgrave Macmillan, 2013).  Over the course of my academic career I have worked in the fields of global environmental protection, the theory of the firm, and economic history.  I have written about both the contributions and misuse of economics for long-run policy issues such as climate change and stratospheric ozone layer protection.  An earlier book, Economic Models of Climate Change: A Critique (Palgrave Macmillan, 2003), discussed the problems with conventional general equilibrium models applied to climate policy. From 1986 to 1987 I served as Senior Staff Economist at the President’s Council of Economic Advisers. I have been a member of the United Nations Environment Programme’s Economic Options Panel, which reviewed the economic aspects of the Montreal Protocol on Substances that Deplete the Ozone Layer, and I served as Co-Chair of the Montreal Protocol’s Agricultural Economics Task Force of the Technical and Economics Assessment Panel. I participated in the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change that shared the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize, and was a recipient of the Leontief Prize for Advancing the Frontiers of Economic Thought in 2007. In 1996 I was honored with a Stratospheric Ozone Protection Award, and in 2007 a “Best of the Best” Stratospheric Ozone Protection Award from the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency. I served as Director of the UCSB Washington Program from 2004 to 2009.

I don't know whether this successful academic career would count as "winning" by his own 1967 standards. But it was a pleasant surprise to find anything noteworthy about the guy at all, given that he was quoted as a non-public figure in a >50-year-old article.

[perkypeony]

𝔽𝕀𝕊𝕋𝕊 𝔻𝕆𝕎ℕ, ℙ𝔼ℕ𝕊 𝕌ℙ!

It was a rare sight to see the rooftop being used as a study group spot. Umemiya, Tsubaki, Mizuki, and Momose were gathered around the picnic table, discussing something about plants—not the usual talk about how healthy Umemiya’s tomato plants were, but the actual plant anatomy. Sugishita had joined them as well, flipping through his textbook. He kept getting distracted whenever Umemiya spoke, prompting the Furin leader to remind him to focus every now and then.

Seated on the floor nearby were Hiragi and the second-years—Kaji, Enomoto, and Kusumi. Hiragi was patiently explaining some questions on logarithms, since the second-years were struggling with the topic. He wrote out the calculations on a mini whiteboard—God knows where he even got it—while the second-years nodded along and took as many notes as they could. They occasionally asked questions when they got confused, and each one seemed to add to Hiragi’s growing stomach ache.

Just then, Sakura, Nirei, and Suo came up to the rooftop, unaware that this was how things looked three days before an exam. They were surprised by the change in atmosphere. Instead of the usual loud laughter and bickering, the air was filled with quiet concentration and academic discussion.

They made their way over to Umemiya. Suo raised an eyebrow and asked, “Why is everyone suddenly studying today? Is it because of the upcoming exam?”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Umemiya replied. “Actually, you guys don’t need to report patrols when exams are around the corner. Focus on studying until they’re over.”

“I’m glad to know that Furin values academics too!” Nirei said, pulling out his notebook to jot something down.

“Of course,” Umemiya smiled. “We fight together, so we study together too. We’ve gotta show everyone that Furin isn’t just a school full of delinquents who only know how to brawl. I hope the three of you can guide your classmates and help them support one another.”

Sakura frowned slightly. “I’m not smart enough for this kind of stuff. Don’t expect any genius answers from me.”

“Don’t worry, Sakura. You can count on us. I’ve already started studying weeks ago, and I’m sure Suo did too,” Nirei said reassuringly.

Umemiya smiled proudly at his juniors. “That’s the spirit we want!”

a/n: if you have any thoughts on how academic works in furin, feel free to share with me!

[creampuffqueen]

I'm also in favor of mermaids with their tits out.... but are mermaids mammals? Do they have tits at all? If so, do they have conventional human breast tissue and nipples or would they resemble other marine mammals? I'm sure this has been extensively discussed somewhere else on the Internet but I'm not gonna look it up because I'm only interested in your take right now.

Oh now THIS is the kind of thing I want to think about. I loveeeee being able to connect my academic interests with my personal ones! (This is why I've been making so many random posts about things like animals and genetics in the ATLAverse lately. I'm quite lucky to be able to study something I genuinely enjoy learning about!)

Anyway, this is so interesting to me. Because the typical "concept" of a mermaid is someone who is half human/half fish. Which does in fact beg the question: where exactly would mermaids be categorized if they were real?

I can actually accept both arguments, honestly. Mermaids being fish makes sense, as the typical mermaid has both scales and can breathe underwater, usually assumed to be with gills. While mermaids are usually only half-scaled from the waist down and otherwise have skin, it could be that the "non-scaled" half is closer to that of sharks. Sharks do still have scales, but their scales are incredibly small and to the naked eye basically appear to be skin. If mermaids are fish, then perhaps the part that is "human-like" is actually just covered in itty-bitty scales.

However, this still leaves the main question unanswered.

Mermaid tits. What's up with that?

If mermaids are fish, they have no need for breasts or breast tissue, because fish don't make milk. If this were a case of convergent evolution, where mermaids and humans just happened to look similar, they still would be unlikely to develop breasts in the way that humans and other mammals did. If they aren't feeding their young milk, then there would be no reason to develop breasts, and all mermaids would have flat chests (and likely no nipples, either). Perhaps they would develop structures resembling breasts made out of fat or blubber, for insulation and nutrient storage similar to camel humps. Again, this would mean that all mermaids (or all healthy mermaids) would have breasts, and again, there would be no need for nipples.

So that's a strike against mermaids being fish (though again, I could still see it).

What about mermaids as mammals?

To me, this makes the most sense. While they may look half-fish, they are actually entirely mammal.

Or. I guess still technically a fish. All vertebrates are really just extremely evolved and specialized fish.

It's easy enough to account for the scales that the typical mermaid has. (Though I really love versions of mermaids that are half aquatic mammal, like seal or whale!). There are in fact mammals with scales. Pangolins! Their scales are just highly specialized hairs that turn into strong, flexible scales. Mermaid scales could be the same thing. The gills are also easy enough to explain if you want mermaids to have them rather than needing to surface to breathe. Gills are the ancestral trait of all vertebrate animals. They wouldn't have to evolve gills, but rather they would have to just never evolve lungs. Or they could have both, and be a bit more like amphibians.

Being mammals, this would also mean that mermaids could have their tits out. Because as mammals, they'd actually have them.

Or... would they?

Something that's easy to notice when you look at aquatic animals, mammal or not, is that they all favor similar shapes. They are made to move as smoothly through the water as possible. To do this, they want to reduce drag as much as possible. The best way to do this is to reduce external structures as much as possible, to let the water seamlessly flow over and around their body.

And. Uh. As someone who breasts rather boobily myself, I can definitely say that they get in the way plenty 😂

Which is why most aquatic mammals don't really develop any kind of external breast tissue. Not the way that many land mammals do, and certainly not the way that humans do! Some have teats that are covered or concealed in some way (most cetaceans), fully inverted (some species of seals) or located externally in an area that already creates some drag (manatees have teats located just behind their front flippers).

So, if mermaids did have nipples located in the same area humans do, similar to manatees -- rather than on their stomachs or near the base of their tails -- they likely wouldn't develop much external breast tissue. They'd be flat-chested, or with very small breasts.

However, there is still a way we can realistically (I say, talking about mermaids) have our mermaids breast boobily through the water!

Breast tissue does not go away on its own. Once it's there, the only way to get rid of it is by surgical removal. This is even true for non-human mammals. For example, you can usually tell if a dog has had a litter of puppies before, because they will often have noticeable tissue development around their teats, even after the puppies are weaned. If mermaids developed breast tissue to nurse their young, the breasts would remain even after they stopped nursing.

So you can have mermaid tits! But only on the condition that they've had a baby in the past.

And after thinking through all of this, I actually... don't know if mermaids would have their tits out...

Not in a seashell bra way, of course. But as I said before, having external nipples and breast tissue can create drag in the water, significantly slowing down movement and speed. It would be pretty damn inconvenient if you had to give up essential speed in order to nurse a baby.

Think of professional swimmers. They don't wear baggy swim trunks or stringy two-pieces. They are aiming to reduce drag in the water by making their bodies as streamlined as possible, so they wear swimsuits that hold everything tight to their body.

So if mermaids did in fact develop enough breast tissue that it could be an issue for swimming speed, they would probably do their best to negate that effect as much as possible.

Mermaid binders is what I'm saying.

That is, of course, assuming they have human-like intelligence. If they didn't, they probably wouldn't develop any kind of breasts in the first place, as without the ability to reduce the drag natural selection simply wouldn't favor it.

So, here's my current proposal:

Mermaids are mammals. Mermaids feed their young via milk. Mermaids do not develop breast tissue during puberty the way humans do, but only develop it as a response to pregnancy. Mermaids who have developed breasts wear some type of clothing to bind them close to their chests so they don't slow their swimming.

However! If mermaids don't have the same type of cultural weirdness around breasts that some human cultures do, there's no reason for them to bind their breasts all the time. They'd need to unbind for nursing at the very least, but there's nothing to say they wouldn't unbind for other reasons as well. If they know they'll be doing a lot of swimming, they wrap them up. But if they're going to be taking it slow or staying in one place for a while, they can let 'em hang. In that way, the clothing they use to bind would be more like "work clothes" than an everyday thing.

And again. No seashell bras.

Honestly, thank you so much for sending this ask! This was so much fun to think about and work through. Who knew mermaid tits could provide so much entertainment 😂

[edmcmayonnaise]

Months ago, I wrote "biographies" for Edwin and Simon in the style of the Edwardian (Third Edition published in 1915) study on "Sexual Inversion" (medical phrasing that pre-dates the term "homosexuality") in the style of Studies in the Psychology of Sex by Havelock Ellis. This book can be found for free online and is a treasure trove due to the collection of biographies written by queer people.

Maybe against my better judgment, I will share them now for Simon Appreciation Week, as they capture to some extent how I perceive their interpersonal dynamics.

HISTORY E.P. - English, student at public boarding school, aged 16. His father, who comes from an unremarkable middle class lineage, is a physician. His father has been deployed to France since 1914 for wartime service. His mother’s family has a history notable for hysteria in his maternal grandmother, and his mother he describes as a high-strung and nervous woman who herself has been intermittently institutionalized for afflictions of mood. 

He has no siblings, and describes the relationship with his parents as distant. He lived most of his early childhood life in the care of a nanny. At age seven, was sent away to boarding school. 

He has never been attracted to girls or women, though had minimal contact with girls his age, He takes little interest in women or in their society. There is nothing markedly feminine in his general appearance, but he does believe that his general kinesthetic disposition is not viewed by others as manly. Specifically, he says that he is concerned that the animated way in which his hands is too recognizable as a symptom of what he considers to be his congenital condition. 

He is of average height and medium-slim build, but generally normatively developed and healthy. He considers himself to lack skill in athletic pursuits with the exception of fencing, but is an omnivorous reader and excels in academics. 

In his own words:

“I have always been very shy of showing any affectionate tendencies. Most of my acquaintances (and close friends, even) find me curiously cold. For obvious reasons I have been unable to speak as to why this is. I fear being cruelly misunderstood, and I have at times felt as if wrestling in the folds of the morally reprehensible python of inversion.

"I find myself cut off from others, feel myself to be an outcast, and, amongst others my age, am intensely withdrawn. Privately, I am miserable. The desire to love and be loved is hard to drown, especially when treading through a veritable pool of ‘what-ifs’ as I am surrounded by male virality in all aspects of my life at school.

“I am not sure entirely what it is for which I am longing. Certainly, my parents neglected to impart to me any sort of knowledge of the adult modus vivendi. The only thing I do know with confidence is that no bodily satisfaction should be sought at the cost of another person’s distress or degradation, including my own.

“At my school, I have heard rumor, and in fact been the subject of rumor, regarding attachments and gratifications with other boys, which are all untrue. As with any topic that is discussed only behind cupped hands and in whispers, the stories become more and more fantastical as they are shared from schoolmate to schoolmate. Upon my truest promise, I have never yielded to the temptation of any sort of intercrural connection. I have preserved strict chastity. I do not know how long my mind can hold back the instincts of my heart and body, but I am terrified that I will soon lose this seemingly never ending battle.”

Shortly after E.P. submitted his history for publication in this book, it was reported that he and several other boys at his school went missing in what the school is calling an Act of God. Any additional information about what may have happened to this youth and his friends is not forthcoming at this time. 

~

HISTORY S.M. - English, student at a public boarding school, aged 17. Father and mother both living; the latter is of a better social standing than the former. He is much attached to his mother, and she gives him some sympathy and companionship, when he is at home. He is the third of four siblings, all boys, and he suspects that his next elder brother is also inverted.

In early life, S.M. was of delicate constitution and his studies were often interrupted by illness. Though living under mostly happy conditions he was shy and nervous, often depressed. This he attributes to having been on several occasions mishandled by his next elder brother; concedes that his brother is prone to foul and violent moods. However, his brother is well-liked, by his father and other siblings, he says, because of his masculine character. His brother has many friends at school. Though S.M. does report that he does have some influence over some of his classmates, he has few close friends.

Of his inversion, he reports the following:

“There is a boy in my year who has become the absorbing thought of my school days, and who comes to me in my dreams almost nightly. I have absolutely no words to tell you how powerfully his beauty affects me. He is well-formed, lean, shy, and in my dream he sits beside me, allowing our legs to touch and for me to caress his thigh. He looks at me with desire in his eyes, green, but clouded over dark with his want for me to kiss him. And I do want to kiss him– on his wrist, and his palm, and into the gentle, milky curve of his neck, and to leave my lover’s mark on him, to say to anyone who might pursue him that he is mine and mine only. 

“I keep my feelings hidden, however, hardly daring to look at him for fear of being found out. His bed is next to mine, and the rest of the dormitory is boisterous and lewd, and there is a good deal of bullying, which I cannot bear to have directed my way.

“I have tried to tell myself that these dreams are not due to a moral failing of my own, but indeed this boy’s own influence upon me. I love him and I resent him. His seeming indifference towards my existence, as he has never responded well when I have plucked up my courage to speak with him, angers me. I want him to look towards me and love me, too.”

S.M. was involved in the same incident as E.P.,  where he and several other boys went missing from their school. It is reported that their last known whereabouts were their school dormitory rooms.

[lilafunger]

Overly Specific Headcanons about the Religious Sect Olivia and Reila grew up with!

I am Terminally autistic about both cults and generally just Intense and Not So Good For People sects of Christianity and I enjoy thinking about my blorbos' upbringings, so I thought I'd do some Research on real life religious stuff and come up with some headcanons based on all that. I might do the same thing with some of the other characters, because thinking about this is super fun to me, but tbh, doing it with the (ex) Alll-merian guys is probably going to be easiest, because I can lean moreso onto Christianity as an inspiration for practices. anyway yapping under cut V Discussion of some real life religious stuff and also of ableism down there.

FIRSTLY I had to figure out which subdenoms I wanted to take inspiration from, so naturally I started by looking up which ones were most Popular in Germany during the 1930s, around the equivalent of where Olivia and Reila were growing up. It was pretty split between Catholicism and Protestantism, in this particular timeframe of WWII and a short while during the buildup toward it, there seems to have been a sect called The German Evangelical Church, which was much too intertwined with the state and injected much too much Nazi propaganda into its preaching. I'm not gonna go into that too much! Mostly because that's a wildly upsetting topic for a LOT of people and not really necessary, as Funger's own Kaiser has his own slew of horrors he's been getting up to. The German Evangelical Church was sort of a mix of denominations, one of the key figures of which was Lutheranism!

SO. Basically, the Church I'm imagining the Haas family as having grown up with would be a fairly extreme sect of Lutheranist-inspired Alll-merianism with a REAL healthy dose of Kaiser Propaganda in there. I ended up researching a mixture of the German Evangelical Church, hyperconservative and apparently quite cultlike Lutheran sects like WELS.

I think I'll call it the Bremen Evangelical Alll-merian Synod or BEAS...

I don't think the sect is very uh... Pro Science at all. Reject Fallible Human Reason and Embrace Only the Most Literal Interpretation Of Our Alll-merian Texts! Don't look for information from outsiders, you have to be careful of getting caught up in False Doctrine! (In fact, just don't trust other people.) But yea, I think the rejection of human reason and of science fits well with the twins' parents utter reluctance to get her actual help for her condition. and ALSO imagining it having been that way makes the fact both of them grew up to be so academic very satisfying to me.

Very very literal about their Interpretations of The Texts. Very Very Very Literal.

At WELS schools at least, it sounds like there's quite a major culture of No Privacy!!! We just come into your room! Which reminded me of how Ever-watching Olivia and Reilas' parents are described as having been. So I think I can mentally expand on that and make a Thing of it.

I wonder what the Alll-merian equivalent of Luther's Poop Covered In Snow analogy for his ideas on Original Sin is... I'm not actually sure, I'd have to figure out more about the in-universe ideas about sin and stuff. But humans are nasty poop covered in the righteousness of the ascended one. Don't become too self loathing about that.

NOW. Keeping in mind Le'garde's goal of "Uniting" the world, I think one way his nonsense leaks into BEAS is through Mission work!! Good Deeds won't save people, proselytising will! Kinda like the Mormon approach to mission work perhaps? Veeeeeery heavy on the importance of getting people ALL OVER THE PLACE baptised in Alll-mer's name. Just Alll-mer's, definitely not the Yellow King's.

Man this is less about Religion headcanons and more about the twins' upbringing in general but I am Quickly beginning to imagine the parents favouring Reila faaaaaaaar too much. On top of how people can be about disabled people in general, which I could talk about so so much but I won't right now. But I think between her having spent so much of her youth bedbound (she wont be able to grow up and EVANGELISE :( ) and the lack of respect for her particular interests and talents, I think it would be very easy for her to be reduced to being sort of a burden in their eyes. Radiating and Shadowed,,,,

On that note, I did some looking into the real life beliefs about disabled people. What I found was that there's a lot of referring to it as A Way For The Works Of God To Be Displayed In Them and as A Manifestation Of Original Sin. I am... Less sure of how this would be translated to this universe through an Alll-merian lens. Also Martin Luther Himself I believe was a little too pro Murdering Disabled People, identifying at least one kid as a changeling, so the vibes around disabled people in a religious sect partially inspired by WELS can only be... Just. Great. I've heard at least that it's not great to be disabled in that group, but it's hard to find any specific info.

Because of the intensity about the scripture being the only infallible thing, I imagine the Bremen Evangelicals reject Enki's writings of Alll-mer as a creation of Vitruvia, much preferring the original Virgin Mother story.

Leaning into the WELS inspiration and what little I know of that, I think the community can be sort of a popularity contest so to speak...

Maybe Le'garde's goal of uniting the land to bring about a new era is twisted into something wholly unrelated for BEAS, like We All Have To Bring About The New Era for The Second Coming! or something along those lines.

Lutherans in general are in favour of secular healthcare, but Olivia and Reilas' parents notably and canonically are Not... Maybe it's because it's a much more intense group. Don't trust the fallible knowledge of random outsiders, no matter how many degrees they have! We Trust In Alll-mer!

SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME

I think the Lutherans are fairly unique in that they do a Last Supper type sacrament that other denoms don't?? idk. But maybe BEAS has some fucked up rituals they do based on that... Considering the nature of Fear and Hunger's setting, maybe in the most most most closed off scary places (Probably not on the kinda scale where Olivia would have seen or been involved in it) some shit like Crucifying your local Sin Eater and then eating THEM! This not wine blood actually is a symbol of Alll-mer's divine blood and this not bread flesh actually is a symbol of Alll-mer's divine flesh! :) yummy

I might think More on this another time but I'm getting tired so this is what you get for now. Feel free to add onto this if you have any ideas :0

i might well be onto NOTHING here but it is fun to think about