#head in hands. idk how im going to survive this if this is how we are starting

[hanzajesthanza]

hyperventilating at this btw (spoiler)

[millermouth]

Joel Miller x Reader

summary: Joel never meant to let you get under his skin, but you did—slowly, quietly, until you were all he could think about. When you go missing on patrol, the months of keeping his distance end in an instant. Finding you hurt, vulnerable, waiting for him— he finally stops fighting what was inevitable.

babes idk this has been plaguing me all damn day okay? angsty, grumpy, eventually fluffy Joel Miller. im all about the drama today I've been getting a lot of requests about Joel tending to reader on a patrol gone wrong / Jackson!Joel so here is a whole one shot dedicated to all of you ♥︎

When Joel Miller came back to Jackson after taking Ellie from that hospital, he was on edge. Always on edge. The bags under his eyes darkened by the day, deep-set proof of sleepless nights spent tangled in sweat-drenched sheets, jolting awake from nightmares that left him breathless and clawing at the past. So he worked. Took on more patrols, fixed fences, chopped wood—kept his hands busy, his mind busier. If he let up, even for a second, the memories crept in like rot in the walls. That way when his head hit the pillow at night, he was too exhausted for dreams.

Then spring came, and with it, something new. Something warm. Something bright.

You.

He didn’t know where the hell you came from at first. Just that Tommy had dragged you in, half-dead and shaking, after your group got torn apart by Infected out near the old hunting cabins. He heard about it once Tommy could stomach telling the story—another tragedy, more unknown lives lost—but you? You survived.

And now he hardly recognized you as that scared, bloody thing they found in the snow. You were—Jesus—you were everywhere. Helping in the garden, stacking supplies, chattering with the old folks who baked you fresh bread or cookies because they liked how sweet you were. It was annoying. Distracting. You were too...bright. Too alive. Too much of a reminder of something he shouldn’t want. He didn’t even want to know your name, but it found him anyway.

“She wants to start helping on patrols,” Tommy said casually, slicing into his steak one Sunday night over dinner. Maria nodded, considering.

“We could always put her with—”

No. It was all Joel could think. Not you, not out there in the wilderness again. There was so much shit out there, you’d faced enough. Couldn't you just stay here, safe?

Tommy narrowed his eyes. “No?” he echoed, a little amused, a little suspicious.

Joel clenched his jaw, shoving another bite of food in his mouth, chewing slow to buy himself time as he realized he must’ve said it out loud. His throat went dry as he forced himself to swallow.

Joel forced a grunt, waved a hand vaguely. “Just think she’s too young to be goin’ out there. Didn’t she just get here?”

“She’s older than Ellie,” Tommy pointed out, spearing a potato on his fork. “And Ellie’s out there right now, you know that.”

Joel’s fingers curled tight around his knife. Yeah, he knew. Ellie was out on her first real two-day patrol, and he’d spent the last twenty-four hours half-sick over it. His eyes flickered to her empty seat, and he sent up a silent prayer that she was still safe.

“Well,” Tommy continued, oblivious, “I’m plannin’ on buddyin’ her up with one of my best guys. Jesse can take her. Shouldn’t be an issue. He’s quick on his feet, got a good eye.”

Jesse. Joel barely held back a sneer. The kid was fine, sure. But Jesse wasn’t the issue.

You were.

Joel sipped his shitty, lukewarm coffee from a chipped mug, scowling at how diluted it was as it settled on his tongue. He missed real coffee. Hated that he had to drink this watered-down bullshit. The only thing worse was the sharp knock at his door.

His jaw clenched.

With a heavy sigh, he set down the mug, already annoyed, and stomped over. If this was Tommy with more goddamn chores or Maria with another lecture about community responsibility, he was gonna—

Joel yanked the door open, glare already in place. But then he saw you, and his stomach dropped.

You stood there, a little breathless, strands of hair falling loose around your face despite how you’d tied it back. Morning sun caught on your skin, the warm glow of sweat making you look… Fuck. His grip tightened on the doorframe.

"Oh–Hi," you said, a little uncertain, shifting on your feet.

Joel just stared.

He hadn’t spoken to you. Not once. Hadn’t let himself. You were too damn…well, whatever you were, whatever part of him that couldn’t quite place what you did to him…he wanted no part of it. But now you were standing at his door, looking at him with those bright, wide eyes, and he felt like a teenage boy again.

His brows furrowed, lips pressed into a hard line. He didn’t move. Didn’t breathe. He had no clue what the hell to even say.

Your blush deepened under his stare. "Um," you murmured, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. "Ellie told me to come grab her before I left for patrol. First time and all." A nervous laugh puffed out of you, light and breathy. "She said she keeps a map of the area—marked with all the bad spots. Ya know."

Joel blinked. His brain finally caught up.

Patrol.

Your patrol.

His jaw ticked. So Tommy still had you paired with Jessie then?

"Ellie," Joel called behind him, finally tearing his gaze from you.

Footsteps pounded down the stairs before Ellie appeared, still in her pajamas, rubbing at her eye with the heel of her hand.

"Hey!" she called when she met your gaze, brightening.

Joel grumbled something low and incoherent, something that excused him as he turned on his heel and headed back toward the kitchen. He didn’t dare look at you again. But he felt your eyes on him. Questioning. Curious.

He hated it.

You were in his house.

Moving around upstairs. Talking to Ellie. When the hell had you two become friends? Your voice filtered down, mixing with the soft creak of the floorboards, and Joel stood in the kitchen, fuming.

He shouldn’t care.

Shouldn’t give a shit about where Tommy had you stationed, who you were paired with, how ready you were or weren’t for the outside. It wasn’t his goddamn business. But the thought of you out there—stumbling into an ambush, stepping too loud in a place you shouldn’t, a clicker lurking just out of sight, waiting for one wrong move—made his chest tighten in a way he really didn’t like.

He braced a hand on the counter, fingers drumming against the wood.

A few minutes later, your footsteps padded back down as Joel was heading out the door for his own chores. He didn’t turn, didn’t move as you crossed through the house. Just as you made your way past him, your flowery scent, so feminine and light and soft—

"Bye, Joel."

Your voice was light. Casual. Like it was nothing. Like saying his name didn’t do anything.

But it did.

His body went rigid, like something had yanked him back into himself, back into that dark and tangled place in his head where things got real complicated real quick. His name in your mouth, soft and easy, made his skin prickle, made something heavy settle deep in his chest. It stuck to him like a damn burr, taking place and nestling tight in his mind. His name on your lips was like a song, something like a siren’s call made specifically for him. And he wanted to hear it again and again and again.

He was so fucked.

Joel spent the day trying not to think about you.

And managed to do a shit job of it.

His hands worked—fixing a busted stable door, making sure the latch held, leading the horses out into the pasture on the warmest day so far—but his mind stayed locked on one thing. Had you made it to the outpost? Was the trip quiet? Had Jesse kept you close? Had he been watching your back?

It was pissing him off, all this worrying about someone he barely even knew.

Joel huffed, trying to shake the gnawing in his chest. He just needed to get through the work. Keep his head down, get home, and sleep it off.

Then he saw Jesse.

The kid was near the stables, talking to Dina, grinning like he didn’t have a single worry in the goddamn world. Joel’s brow furrowed. His steps slowed as he stared, confusion creeping in. Jesse was back? Already? That didn’t make sense. It had only been half a day. Patrols didn’t wrap this early, not unless something had happened.

For a moment, he almost convinced himself he was grateful that the hours had passed without sight of you. Maybe that meant his mind was finally loosening the barb you’d stuck in him. Maybe, after today, he wouldn’t waste any more time thinking about you.

But that was a damn lie.

Because hadn’t he thought of you every single hour since you left his house this morning? Hadn’t his eyes kept tracking the road, half-expecting you to appear? Hadn’t he been waiting—hoping—for some confirmation that you were fine, that patrol had been canceled, that you had never even needed to go in the first place?

Something was wrong. He felt it.

His jaw clenched. “Jesse.”

The kid turned, hands shoved in his pockets. “Hey, Mr. Miller. What’s up?”

Joel frowned, eyes narrowing. “You’re already back?”

Jesse tilted his head, looking confused. “Uh… yeah?”

Joel exhaled sharply through his nose, patience wearing thin. His fingers twitched at his side, a slow, creeping sense of unease taking root in his chest. “Patrols don’t usually wrap this early.”

Jesse blinked, then let out a short laugh, shaking his head. “Oh, right—yeah, I didn’t go. Switched last minute, said it was some schedule mix-up.”

Joel barely heard the rest of the explanation.

I didn’t go.

The words hammered around his skull, his stomach twisting. You hadn’t been with Jesse.

You’d been out there—out in those woods—this whole time without one of the few people in this place who could actually handle themselves.

His fingers twitched at his side, curling and uncurling. His breathing stayed slow, even, controlled—but that was only because every part of him was focusing on not snapping. “Who’d you switch with?” His voice came out too sharp, too flat, but he didn’t care.

Jesse shrugged, completely unaware of the storm brewing behind Joel’s eyes. “Uh… can’t remember his name. New guy. Kinda scrawny, blond—”

Joel didn’t need to hear any more.

He knew exactly who Jesse was talking about.

Fucking Caleb.

Barely twenty. Couldn’t shoot for shit. Slow on his feet. Jumpy. The kind of kid who hesitated. And Joel had seen firsthand what hesitation got people. It got them killed.

His vision went red. You. Out there. With some stupid kid.

His pulse was a dull, thudding roar in his ears. He should’ve put his foot down with Tommy. Should’ve stopped you from leaving his house this morning. You might've thought he was insane, maybe even hated him for it. But he had known it was a bad idea. He felt it in his gut. And now you were out in the goddamn wilderness with someone who barely knew his left from his right, and there wasn’t a damn thing Joel could do about it.

His chest rose and fell in slow, controlled breaths. His hands curled into fists.

Dina and Jesse went back to talking, still existing like everything was fine, like nothing had shifted, like nothing had gone wrong.

But Joel was already moving.

He needed his gun, he needed a horse.

And he needed to get to you—now.

Joel stormed toward the gates, his blood hot in his veins, fists clenched so tight his knuckles ached. The second he spotted Tommy, standing near the watch post, chatting with one of the patrol leads, he nearly exploded.

"What the hell were you thinkin’?" Joel’s voice came sharp, cutting through the quiet.

Tommy turned, brow furrowing. "What?"

"You sent that girl out with Caleb for her first patrol?" Joel seethed, stepping closer, his frame tense, his breath coming out hard and fast. "Are you kidding me? You said she was goin’ with Jesse, and I just saw him at the barn."

Tommy’s face darkened. "I didn’t do that."

Joel let out a harsh, humorless laugh, his hands going to his hips like he was physically holding himself back from breaking something, “That so? So why is Jesse tellin’ me you did?”

Tommy exhaled sharply, rubbing a hand down his face. "No, Joel, I wouldn’t send two damn novices out together. They must’ve switched last minute and didn’t tell anybody."

Joel’s jaw locked. That answer didn’t make him feel any better.

"Christ," Tommy muttered, shaking his head. "Look, we’ll deal with it when they get back—"

"Deal with it?" Joel barked. "If they get back, Tommy. That dumbass kid don’t know his left from his right. He hesitates, he panics—she’s out there alone."

Tommy held up a hand, voice leveling. "Joel. Just wait. We don’t even—"

"RIDERLESS HORSE COMING IN!"

The shout came from above.

Both brothers whipped their heads toward the gate as someone from the watchtower pointed out toward the open plains.

Joel’s stomach plummeted. Every muscle in his body went tight as the gallop of hooves thundered against the dirt, stirrups flapping madly at its sides, the dark blur of a horse sprinting toward the gates.

"Shit," Tommy muttered, already waving for them to get it open. "Whose is it?"

The guard peered over the ledge, adjusting his scope. "Looks like… it’s Eclipse. Who took him out today?"

The world dropped out from under Joel’s feet. The barn door he was working on, it was that horse. He saw your name on the check out clipboard by his stall. No, no no. This was all some sick nightmare he was in. 

Tommy’s eyes went wide as he looked at Joel, all the color draining from his face.

The sound of his own breath—too loud, too ragged—roared in his ears. That was your horse. Your only goddamn way back. And now it was here. Without you.

He didn’t hesitate. Didn’t think. His feet were already moving, shoving past Tommy, heading straight for the stables.

"Joel—"

He ignored Tommy, grabbing his saddle, moving with a purpose that wouldn’t be stopped. Strapped on his rifle as he checked it out at the booth, barely sparing a glance at the patrol guard logging the weapons. His hands worked fast, quicker than they had in a long time, muscle memory kicking in as he moved on autopilot.

He made his way straight to his usual horse, Diablo, getting him tacked up in record speed. The gelding shifted under his hands, picking up on the tight, coiled tension radiating off of him. Joel didn’t ease him. Didn’t whisper the usual steadying words, consumed only with thoughts of where you could be.

"Joel, dammit—think about this," Tommy’s voice rang out behind him, stepping up into the stall, frustration biting at the edges of his words. "You can’t just go out there alone. We’ll send a group—"

"Don’t have time," Joel muttered, cinching the saddle tight.

"You don’t even know what happened—"

"Exactly."

Joel’s voice came sharp, bitter, final. He turned, finally looking at Tommy, and his brother must’ve seen something in his face—something dark, something unmoving—because whatever argument he was about to make died on his tongue.

Joel led the horse out of the stables quickly, boots heavy against the dirt. Diablo tossed his head, nostrils flaring, sensing the shift in him. Once they were outside, Joel hoisted himself into the saddle in one swift motion, gathering the reins, already angling the horse toward the gates.

"Joel, for fuck’s sake—"

"Open the gate."

His voice was low, commanding.

The men guarding the post hesitated, glancing at each other, then at Tommy.

No one moved.

No one spoke.

Joel’s jaw ticked, grip tightening. "Open the damn gate!" he snapped, his voice a sharp crack of thunder, booming across the yard. Diablo snorted beneath him, ears pinning back as his hooves shifted nervously in the dirt.

Still, no one made a move. Joel’s patience snapped.

He swung his glare back to Tommy, voice low, dangerous. "You can stay here and play it safe, but I’m going."

Tommy exhaled sharply through his nose, rubbing a hand down his face, muttering something under his breath. But he gave a quick nod to the men at the gate.

The locks disengaged. The doors groaned.

Joel didn’t wait.

The second the opening was wide enough, he kicked his heels in, sending Diablo into a hard gallop, tearing out into the open.

He didn’t care what Tommy had to say.

Didn’t care that he was riding into the unknown, alone.

Didn’t care that this wasn’t his fight.

He didn’t care that he hardly knew you.

Because he did know you, after all.

You were light and soft and gentle in a world that hardened even the best of souls. You smiled at people when they spoke to you, laughed easily, touched others when you talked—little brushes of your fingers over an arm, a squeeze to a shoulder, things Joel wasn’t used to seeing anymore. You had no reason to be kind, no reason to be so goddamn good, and yet, you were.

And now the world had you.

It didn’t matter that he’d never spoken to you, that he had tried so damn hard to keep his distance. He had stayed away, convinced himself it was better that way, easier. But that hadn’t stopped you from getting into his head, hadn’t stopped you from settling into the places he didn’t have room for you, hadn’t stopped his chest from tightening all goddamn day wondering if you were still breathing.

Because he knew what was out there.

He knew what waited in the trees, in the shadows, in the abandoned places people never came back from. He knew how quickly a routine patrol could turn into a massacre, how easy it was to be there one second and gone the next. He knew how fast infected could pop up from the dark, how quickly a gun barrel could press against a skull, how little it took for someone like you to disappear forever.

And if that happened—if he found you out there, lifeless and cold—Joel didn’t know what the hell he’d do.

Joel spotted the outpost cabin up ahead, barely visible through the dense green of the trees, its frame old and weather-worn. A lone horse stood tied outside, shifting restlessly. As he rode closer, his eyes flicked to the J brand on its croup. Caleb’s.

His stomach twisted.

He swung off Diablo without thinking, barely registering his own movements as he tied the reins to the nearest branch. His heart was hammering, his breath coming hard and fast, sweat slicking the back of his neck as he pushed the door open and stepped inside.

His heart launched into his throat when he first saw you. You were slightly slumped against the wall, your fingers curled tenderly around your leg, face pale.

Joel could barely breathe. His body moved quickly, crossing the space in seconds. You were alive, you were alive. Everything was fine.

Your eyes widened in surprise, but then something in your face softened—relief, gratitude. "Joel?"

His throat was dry. "What happened?" His voice came rough, low, sharp with something too close to panic.

Your lips parted like you weren’t sure if you were hearing him right. This was the first time he had ever spoken to you—really spoken to you—but right now, none of that mattered.

You exhaled shakily. "Eclipse spooked at something. Threw me off. I-I landed wrong." You grimaced, shifting slightly as you gripped your leg. "I think it’s broken.”

Joel’s chest went tight. Broke your leg. Out here. With no way back.

The scenario was too damn close to something worse, and he hated how easily his brain filled in the gaps. If you hadn’t made it to the outpost…if you’d landed just a little worse. Where the hell was your supposed patrol partner and why wasn’t he taking you back to Jackson?

"How long you been here?" His voice was clipped, his hands already moving, pushing back the fabric of your pants to see the damage.

"Couple hours," you murmured, watching him. "We managed to get here, checked the logbook like we were told to. I didn’t know what else to do."

Joel’s jaw flexed. You were trying to be strong. He could see it in the way you held yourself, in the way you downplayed the situation, like you weren’t sitting here with a broken goddamn leg and no real protection.

Before he could say anything else, footsteps sounded at the doorway.

Caleb.

Joel looked up, and something in him snapped.

The kid had the nerve to look relieved. "Oh—Joel, you found us."

Joel was already on his feet, moving. He shoved the kid—hard.

Caleb stumbled back, barely catching himself against the doorframe. "H-hey—!"

"The hell were you doin' leaving her here?," Joel seethed, stepping forward, voice low and dangerous. "You left her here hurt and alone while you what? Sat on your ass?"

Caleb swallowed hard, eyes flickering between him and you. "I didn’t—I didn’t leave, I was out checking the perimeter—"

"Checking the perimeter?" Joel’s breath came sharp, bitter. "She’s got a broken goddamn leg. What the hell were you gonna do if something came through that door? If infected caught her like this? Why didn’t you turn back and take her home?!”

Caleb’s face flushed, his mouth opening like he wanted to argue, but Joel was already done listening.

"Get back to Jackson." He shoved the kid toward the door again, barely resisting the urge to do worse. "Tell ‘em she’s alive. Tell ‘em we’ll be back once I've patched her up.” Joel leaned in, voice dropping into something dangerous. "I’ll deal with you later."

Caleb hesitated, like he wanted to say something, but one more look at Joel’s face must’ve changed his mind.

He left, the door shutting behind him, and only silence followed.

Joel exhaled hard through his nose, still standing there, still furious, still running too hot, his hands clenched into fists.

“You didn’t need to be so hard on him,” you said softly from where you sat.

Joel’s scowl was back in full force as he turned toward you. "And you—" His voice came sharp, and that was when it hit him.

He was here. With you. Alone. And he was speaking to you for the first time. He had been so panicked when he walked in he barely noticed.  The words he was ready to lash at you to you weren’t kind, weren’t measured. They were biting. They came with anger and frustration and fear and all the shit he hadn’t let himself process on the ride over.

He scrubbed a rough hand down his face, trying to reel himself in. "What the hell were you thinkin’? Switching out Jesse from your crew? Ain’t this your first patrol?"

Your mouth parted slightly, caught off guard. "I didn’t—" you hesitated. "I didn’t think it was a big deal. Jesse misses Dina, they wanted to spend more time—"

"Jesus, girl," Joel muttered, shaking his head. "That shit don’t matter! He was supposed to watch you because this is your first time out here. You needed someone in charge. Someone who knows the way."

You scrunched your nose, a flicker of irritation sparking across your face. "We were doin’ just fine."

Joel let out a dry, humorless scoff. "Yeah, looks fine to me."

And then—he stopped himself.

The words sat between you both, heavy, cutting.

This wasn’t how this should go.

He didn’t want this to go like this. Didn’t want the first real conversation between you to be this snappy, this barbed. You’d just made him so goddamn angry with your irresponsibility, had scared him too damn bad, and now he was running his mouth like some short-tempered asshole.

He needed to breathe. He needed to calm down.

Joel took a slow breath, scratching his beard before crouching back down in front of you. His fingers were still twitching, his body still wired too tight, but he forced himself to focus.

"Let me see again," he muttered, voice still gruff, but quieter now.

Your eyes flickered over his face, searching, but you didn’t argue. You shifted slightly, biting down a wince as you let him push the fabric of your pants up further to assess the break.

Joel’s jaw ticked. It was swelling badly already, bruising and tender to the touch, but at least it was something that could be fixed. That he could fix.

"Don’t look too bad," he murmured, rolling his shoulders to shake off some of the tension.

"Really?" you huffed, shaking your head. "Cause it sure hurts."

Joel reached for his pack, pulling out what little medical supplies he had before scanning the cabin. "Just need to make a splint," he muttered.

His hands moved carefully, barely grazing you, barely touching you any more than he needed to. He worked in silence at first, securing the wood, wrapping the bandage around your leg in tight, practiced motions. You kept still, your breath catching here and there when he adjusted the angle, but otherwise, you didn’t complain.

And maybe that should have been his first sign.

Joel wasn’t sure when he noticed it—the way you were watching him, the way your fingers curled just slightly into the fabric of your pants, like you were bracing yourself for something more than just the pain in your leg.

He should have ignored it. Should have finished his work and moved on. 

But something about the way you stayed quiet, your lips pressed together like you were holding something back, made him pause.

"You’re quiet," he murmured, tying the last knot in place.

You blinked. "What?"

Joel smirked, just slightly. "Was expectin’ more complainin’. But you’re sittin’ awful still."

You swallowed, your eyes flicking away for just a second before you forced a small, breathless laugh. "Just tryin’ to be a good patient, I guess."

He could tell that wasn’t the whole truth. And for some reason, he couldn’t stop himself from pushing.

"That so?" His fingers lingered a little longer than necessary, grazing against the bandage before he pulled back. "You ain’t the nervous type, are ya?"

You let out a soft scoff, but your voice was quieter now. "No."

But you hesitated, and Joel noticed. He wasn’t supposed to like that. Wasn’t supposed to let it sit in his chest the way it did. But you did things to him, even from the very moment you’d arrived. You’d gotten under his skin in ways he hadn’t been prepared for, and even now, as he knelt beside you, his fingers still lingering over the bandage, he wondered—

He thought he’d been the one avoiding you at all costs. He thought he’d been keeping clear of the girl who was too bright and bushy-tailed, someone who was so different from him, so good. He thought he’d done a damn good job of steering clear, of making sure he was just another face in Jackson to you.

But now, looking at you—your cheeks tinged pink, your breath just a little uneven, your hands clenching and unclenching like you didn’t know what to do with them—his mind pulled back to the little things. The way you would duck out of his way every time too. The way, if he ever caught your eye across a room, your cheeks would flush, your fingers would twitch, and you’d excuse yourself just as quickly as he had. 

And when you had come to his house to find Ellie… You had been flustered then, just as uncertain as him, though he had been too wrapped up in his own damn head to see it. He’d been too focused on why the hell you were standing there in his doorway, too busy trying to tamp down the immediate, sharp pull in his chest that had threatened to unravel him the second he saw you in the morning light. He had been so sure he was the only one feeling it, so convinced he was the only one being rattled by your presence. 

But he remembered the way you had blushed under his stare, shifting on your feet, your voice softer than usual, your breath catching just slightly when he didn’t say anything right away.

Jesus. Had you felt it too? 

Had you been trying to stay away from him just as much as he had been trying to stay away from you?

Had it been there this whole time?

And if it had…

Then Joel didn’t stand a goddamn chance.

Something slow and warm uncurled in his chest, something dangerous that he swore he’d lost for forever. His fingers brushed against your knee as he adjusted the wrap, just the lightest graze, but it was enough to make you shift, to make you pull in a breath.

His throat very dry suddenly as he spoke, "Somethin’ wrong?" His voice was low, quiet.

You blinked, shaking your head too quickly. "No."

But you hesitated. Joel smirked. "No?"

You exhaled sharply, dropping your gaze. "Joel—"

His name in your mouth did something to him. Something deep and warm and dangerous.

"Hm?" he hummed in question, his voice quieter now, rougher at the edges.

You hesitated, shifting slightly under his touch again, your fingers tightening against the fabric of your pants before you finally looked up at him again. There was something in your eyes—uncertainty, hesitation, something else—and for a second, he almost thought you wouldn’t say it.

Then, softly, you whispered, "Why’d you come all the way out here?"

His chest went tight, his breath uneven. There were a hundred ways he could answer, a hundred ways he could try to explain what had driven him out here, why he had stormed out of Jackson without a second thought, why he had spent every damn second of the day thinking about whether you were still alive.

His fingers found yours, brushing over your knuckles before he took them, his touch hesitant at first, like he wasn’t sure if he had any business holding you like this. His grip was steady, warm, his thumb grazing over your skin in slow, careful circles—maybe to soothe you, maybe to soothe himself.

Joel exhaled sharply through his nose, forcing himself to just say it.

"I had to," he murmured.

And then, before he could stop himself, before he could think about how much of a fool he was making of himself if you pulled away, how out of his depth he was, he kissed your hand.

Your fingers were so soft, so small in his wide grip, his calloused palm swallowing yours as his lips pressed into your knuckles. His eyes stayed on you all the while, drinking in every shift, every reaction—how your pupils blew wide, how the flush crept hot across your cheeks, how your tongue darted out to wet your lips like you didn’t even realize you were doing it.

Joel didn’t move, didn’t let go, didn’t do a damn thing but hold you there, feel you there, his lips pressed against you like he had any right to be touching you like this.

Slowly and carefully, as if you didn’t want to startle him, you lifted your free hand. Your fingers brushed tentatively along his jaw, skimming through the rough patch of stubble on his cheek, tracing over the lines life had carved into him. You were watching him now, your eyes flickering down, settling on his lips.

Joel only released your knuckles from his lips when he felt your hand pulling him closer to you, and he let you. 

For once, after so many years of feeling like he needed to always be thinking of the next move, to be in control at every turn, his mind went quiet.

It was never quiet.

Not since the world had ended. Not since he’d lost everything. His thoughts had become a constant, grinding machine—always assessing, always calculating, always searching for the next threat, the next weak spot, the next thing that could go wrong. He had learned, too many times over, that the second you let your guard down, you paid for it in blood.

So he never let himself stop.

But now, you were touching him. So soft, so gentle, so careful. Your fingers running over his jaw like he was something worth handling carefully. Like you weren’t afraid of him.

And for the first time in years, that instinct—the one that told him to always be ready, to be hard, detached, sharp—just… stopped.

His mind went quiet.

And then your mouth found his.

The kiss was tentative at first, cautious, like neither of you wanted to be the one to break it, to admit this was happening. But then your fingers curled into the nape of his neck, your breath warm against his, and Joel—god help him—tipped his head and deepened it.

His hand found your jaw, his thumb brushing against your cheek, holding you there, steadying you like he needed to, like he had to.

And for the first time in a long, long time,

Joel let himself have something good.

[fireheartpages]

survived | b.d.

bodhi durran x reader chapter five. series masterlist summary: everyone has their demons, you just chose to run from yours. straight to basgiath war college. and definitely not towards the grinning tall, dark, and handsome marked rider that seemed too kind to be in a hardened place like the rider's quadrant. when you catch his attention and bond a conundrum of a dragon, you finally feel like you can catch your breath. until your signet develops. word count: 2.4k notes: second person pov, reader uses she/her pronouns, has a dirty dancing nickname and a last name. this one’s kinda heavy! mentions of struggling with self worth and trauma, talks about death and an allusion to suicide. if you hear someone buzzing with excitement, it's just me, don't worry! this is the idea i had stuck in my head, for quite a few reasons, and i wanted so badly to get it out on page and now its in my hands ah. not even kidding when i say this concept was eating me alive form the inside out. this feels like the closing chapter, so tbh idk if im gonna write anything more. if i come up with something, or anyone has any requests, i’ll get my pen to page tho :)

You were a good student. A great one, even.

You were top of most classes, feeling like you needed to prove something, and if you weren’t top, one of your friends were, and you were right behind them. And it was true—you were an incredible rider. You could stand on Shocair’s back, and shift your weight and she would bank with the direction. You’d taken up archery, another thing you excelled at. Your aim could use some improvement, but you were getting better. A little more practice, and you could consider yourself a decent shot. And despite your signet not developing yet, you were perfecting your smaller magics. And at sparring—

At sparring, you were okay. Kind of.

You could hold your own, and you were quick. Fast feet and good reflexes, but it was as if you didn’t know how to use those skills.

You were not top of challenges, to say the least.

“Yield!” you gasp, face to the mat as a boy from Second Wing attempts to crush your windpipe. “I yield!”

He lets up, laughing at you, and you roll onto your back, catching your breath. You blink a few times, willing the spots from your vision, but it gets darker and—

No, there’s just someone standing over you.

“Hi, Bodhi,” you rasp up to him.

“Hi, Baby,” he says, extending a hand.

“Hi.” You’re panting a little, but at least your vision is focusing.

“That was…”

“Pathetic. I know.” You wipe the sweat from your forehead and a tear from your eye as your wrist gives protest. You probably smashed it with a bad punch.

“I was not going to say that,” he says, grin tugging at the corner of your mouth. That corner of his lips was one of your favorite things at Basgiath.

“It’s okay,” you say. “At least I’m aware of it.”

“I can help,” he says, a little too quick to be casual, but you don’t mind. It makes you smile.

Your brows raise. “Oh?”

“Yeah.” He drops your hand, and only then did you realize he was still holding it. “We can practice sparring.”

“You just… want to help me?” You furrow your brow. “Out of the kindness of your heart?”

“Uh—” He falters. “If you teach me how to ride like you do, I’ll teach you how to spar.”

You nod slowly. “Sure.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” you say, fighting a losing battle with your smile. His eyes were dancing. “When do we start?”

“Now.” He offers you a hand, and leads you over to an empty mat.

“You’re quick, and you’re smart, and when you win, it’s by outsmarting your opponent,” he says over his shoulder, coming to stand in the middle of the mat. He removes his daggers, tossing them on the floor beside the mat and leaving one strapped to his arm. He spins to face you. “Easy money.” He taps his arm where the remaining dagger sits. “Take it from me.”

You shake your head. “Okay.”

You lunge, going for his feet, and he jumps, landing and taking a knee that knocks your own until you’re kneeling, and he’s on top of you, pressing you to the floor. You feel his laugh rumble through his chest against your back, his breath on the side of your face.

“Did I say easy?” he teases.

“You dick—” You struggle, but it’s futile. He lays there for a beat longer, pinning you with his body weight, and you have a flash of an image in your mind, him on top of you, in between your hips—

“Focus.” It's Shocair. Your next exhale is a thanks.

He relents, standing up, offering you a hand, and you’re barely on your feet again before he twists it behind you.

“Take me down,” he said, his lips brushing the shell of your ear.

You—you falter. Fuck. This guy is distracting.

He wrenches your arm away, pushing you away from him, and you’re helpless as you step out and back into him. He pulls you close, and there’s no viciousness in it, no mirth—he’s near gentle as he wraps an arm around you, over your neck, and his other hand disables your free one. He kicks the back of your knee again and beings you both down until you’re kneeling.

“What do you do now, Baby?” It’s your name, but it’s so obviously not, and he’s grinning. This asshole is kicking your ass without even trying and he’s still. Fucking. Grinning.

Gods, you suck at this.

No, actually, fuck this.

You twist your neck so you’re nose to nose with him—kinda, you have to look up to see his face, and he’s already looking down at you. You suck in a breath, looking at his lips. His grip loosens.

Your twist, dragging your joined hands behind you until you’re facing him and you let your body weight fall back. He lands on top of you, right as you knee him in the balls.

He doubles over with a gasp, and you take the opportunity to head butt him. You hear the impact, and you shove him off of you. You jump up, snatching the dagger from his arm band.

“I did it!” you shout, victorious.

“That’s my girl,” Shocair sends down the bond with a beat of pride.

Bodhi rolls over, clutching his face, and you offer him a hand. He takes it, and it takes more strength than it should to get him standing. You rub your forehead where you had hit him, a little sore. This man is pure muscle, even in his face.

He takes his hand away, and it’s bloody. Your eyes widen, a gasp slipping from you.

“Oh my gods. I’m so sorry!” You rush to him, hands cradling the side of your face.

“Nah,” he says, grinning even now. “All’s fair in love and war.”

Your stomach clenches at the words. “Please tell me I didn’t break your nose.”

He shakes his head. “I think the bleeding’s stopping, so, no, not broken.” He tips his head back.

“No, wait,” you say, placing a hand on the back of his neck. “Forward, or else all the blood is gonna end up in your stomach.”

Bodhi flinches. “I don’t have anything to stop the bleeding.”

You glance around frantically, looking for something, anything, before landing on your own t-shirt. You grasp Bodhi’s dagger—now yours, by the laws of the codex—in your hand and rip a band of it, cropping it to your navel before handing the black fabric to him. He takes it and presses it to his nose.

“You did not have to do that,” he says, words muffled.

“I broke your nose. Yes, I did.” You gently pull his hand away, examining his face, cradling his jaw with one hand. Besides being beautiful and a bit red, and smeared with blood, you didn’t see any bruising.

His eyes trace your expression, landing on your lips, and he just… stares. And stares.

“I think you’re okay,” you say softly.

“I know I am.” He’s grinning again, invisible string tugging that corner up. Your hands are on his face, and this is your chance—you run your thumb along his lips as if you could smooth out his smile—but you don’t want to. The way it tilts to one side is quite possibly your favorite thing about him.

“You have a bruise forming.” His thumb comes up, brushing the skin of your temple—presumably from where you had nearly broken his nose.

“It’s your snout,” you whisper.

"Hey." His grin softens, and he leans down, pressing a kiss to the bruise.

“Shit,” he says, reaching up and wiping the cloth over it. “Sorry, blood.”

You can’t help but laugh, the sound bubbling out of you as your heart rate kicks up again. And he just stares at you again, like his gaze is stuck.

“I love your laugh,” he says, like a secret, like it’s a whispered admission.

“Your smile,” you responded, equally as quiet, and suddenly you’re little kids at a sleepover, sharing secrets by candlelight, “it’s my favorite thing about you.”

That just widened his grin, and you let your ambitions run free, running your thumb over his bottom lip, cleaning off the blood that had spilled as you beam back at him.

He’s looking at your lips, and he leans in.

Someone drops a weight across the gym, and it makes you jump, creating space between the two of you, and there’s some mix of longing and disappointment in his eyes as you stop back.

“I should go,” you say. “Sorry. About your nose.”

“Sorry about your head,” he says.

You’re walking away, grabbing your flight jacket when he calls, “Tomorrow? Can I see you tomorrow?”

“Let’s go flying tomorrow evening,” you say over your shoulder. “I have a thing or two to show you.”

“I’ll be an eager student!” he says, and you smile all the way back to your dorm.

You let a mender fix the blossoming bruise on your temple when your vanity wins out. The next morning, Shocair has some choice words for you, all of which you ignore, in favor of playing the almost kiss over and over again in your head.

(You don’t even bother to block you out, and it’s something like excitement, or contentment that fills your chest every time you think about how he was looking at you, and you realize it wasn’t your emotions at all.)

You’re sitting at the table in the library, next to Violet and Rhiannon as you comb over another textbook on signets. You and Violet had taken to sharing notes you find, seeing if you can figure out how to get your signets to develop. Rhi is practically doing Violet's physics homework for her.

Dain is here, for some reason, probably because he’s panting after Violet—and everyone can see it. You’re pretty sure this is some attempt to get back in her good graces. She’s having none of it. The four of you are sitting in silence.

You’re just on a rather interesting part about the reflection of a signet on the rider when you hear,

“I just don’t get it.”

You turn, a little unable to suppress the way your nose scrunches up at Dain’s voice. “What did you just say to me?”

Dain looks at you, confused. “What?”

“Did you not—”

“Hush.” That was Shocair.

“Thought I heard something,” you say, the panic down the bond making you heed the warning. “Sorry, never mind.”

The girls don’t even spare you a second glance, just go back to the work in front of them.

“New subtleties must be taken into account when we investigate causality in quantum mechanics and relativistic quantum field theory in particular. In those two theories, causality—” It’s Rhi’s voice, and you look up, wondering why she’s reading aloud, but—

Her lips aren’t moving.

“Despite these subtleties, causality remains an important and valid concept in—”

“Shocair,” you send down the bond.

“Take a deep breath,” she says into your mind.

You do as told.

“Stretch, like you’re tired.”

You again do as she tells you, throwing in a fake-stifled yawn as you do so.

“Get your things and come to the flight field. Now. Make up an excuse.”

“I’m getting tried,” you say, your pulse kicking up.

All three sets of eyes turn to you.

“I’m gonna head out.”

“Should I—”

“Do you want me to walk you back to your dorm?” Dain asks.

“No,” you say, a little too quick. “I’ll see you guys later.”

“That was weird.”

“I hope she’s okay.”

“Does she—”

You clamp your eyes shut, and you try your best not to run from the room.

“Shocair.”

“Get here. Now.”

“Tell me this isn’t what I think it is,” you send to her, panic rising in your throat.

“Run.”

You do so, taking off and making it to the flight field in mere minutes.

“Shocair!” you shout.

She’s in front of you, navy scales glittering in the morning light. She wordlessly extends a leg to you, and you climb on, willing tears not to fall.

She takes off, and you’re not even sure where you’re going. She just flies, and you don’t unseat. Don’t stand, don’t ride the wind as if you were the one with wings. Just grip her pommel for dear life until she lands on a cliff side, leg extended for you to dismount.

You step off, and there isn’t a soul around you. The cliffs almost remind you of home. There’s no ocean at their base, but the view is beautiful nonetheless.

Did she bring you here so you could end it yourself, before anyone else has the chance to? To give you the dignity of choosing your own death?

“Tell me this isn’t my signet,” you say, a whisper on the wind, and you hear shuffling behind you. When you turn, Shocair’s head is lowered, her eyes lidded as the first tear falls. She blinks slowly, and it’s like an apology as she touches the tip of her nose to the center of your chest.

“Tell me I’m not an inntinnsic,” you plead, as if you could ask the gods themselves to change it.

Shocair says nothing, just nuzzles against your chest.

“I survived,” you say. It comes out a sob. “I survived the rebellion. I survived my father, and fleeing to the other side of the province. I survived parapet, and the Gauntlet, and Threshing, and every challenge I’ve been faced with—all of it. I have survived, and my own mind is going to be what kills me?”

“I will protect you.”

“You can’t protect me from the law!” You’re crying in earnest now, and you’re pretty sure this sort of weakness is what would prompt another dragon to kill their rider, but Shocair is looking at you with her own mix of worry and rage—and something akin to an apology. “They’ll find out! And if they don’t, what am I supposed to do? Pretend like I never developed a signet, and it just never affects me?”

She blinks, and shifts until your palm lays flat against her nose, like she had at Threshing. When she’d chosen you.

“I chose you for your mind,” she says, repeating those words—the ones from that day.

You sink to your knees, tears streaming down your face. Shocair settles into the grass in front of you, and you bend until your temple is touching her nose. Sobs wrack your body, and you can’t breathe, but it doesn’t matter. The world had stopped spinning, anyway.

This was it. This was the end. There was no surviving this.

[izzyfishie]

IZZY'S SG3 TRAILER THOUGHTS

it's time. FUCKKKKKKKKk

SPOILERS below.

the jump rope game is based off a train track/station. i find this interesting, considering trains are used for transportation and movement of people + cargo, but also frequently used in media as suicide/death methods. people being tied to train tracks and stuff. that's kinda a weird comparison but that's what i thought of. also. the subway train is where the recruiter found most of the players.

the fuckass square guard is back. why is he always here i cant.

gi-hun is questioning why he's still alive because he knows it's not fair. he FUCK he's now the one given the unfair treatment and he doesnt want it. he doesnt want to be seen as a martyr because its common sense to him. not to mention, earlier the games were literally changed for him (the new voting). he doesn't want to be special.

ugh my poor babies :( dae-ho isn't beating the suicide allegations. neither is gi-hun, why did he grab the gun like that?? i fear he was about to blow his head off right then and there. (maybe not, but it's still concerning)

zero sympathy for you btw.

the blues indeed have keys. keys must open doors. reds must kill blues to get the doors.

which means we might actually see gi-hun kill somebody. but at the same time, gi-hun might intentionally throw. tbh idk how any of this is going to work yet, but we know he survives to the end, and is red (assumedly the team with weapons) so that leads me to think smth like that may happen.

BUT don't fear. i think gihun being forced to kill someone wouldnt be a sign of him losing his humanity, but rather him better understanding the struggles of those are in the games and therefore having MORE empathy for the victims. we know he doesnt blame himself for the games, rather the system.

not to mention.. heh.. i think he'd finally be able to better understand sang-woo and why he did the things he did IF that were to happen. #sangihun

NOTABLE BLUES: dae-ho, 440, 18(9?)7, 172, seon-nyeo and her cult, the rest are too blurry for me.

calling this the scratch n' sniff room. uh i think myung-gi is gonna have to do some bad things here!! im not really sure, we aren't given much here to work off of. but i swear i saw someone else in that room so

no literally. what are these rooms. stop. i'm starting to think these are more like torture chambers 😭

that blood is fresh. she absolutely had to kill somebody. im thinking it might be the guy she's seen throwing to the ground later (who i've debunked may be kim yeong-sam, 226).

SEONHWA! toxic yuri! i love how seon-nyeo's followers are all gathered together. they really do see her as a god or saint of sorts.

holy shit can i say this set design is so good??

whose hand is this? it's covered in blood. it could be a random, but it looks awfully familiar someone aid me

this persons ankles have me concerned bc why are they vibrating???? someone is probably having some form of panic attack. minsu, maybe?

once again, likely a random person. but theyre FUCKED. the entire train theme is crazy to me

this scene mad me sick first watch btw. it's actually genuinely so sickening to meeee because ???? the flowers too, serving as their grave, like this is genuinely just mortality symbolism at its finest. i thought that was seon-nyeo on the floor, but it might actually be just player 400.

this is the jump rope game. the blood looks fresher, which makes me think JR is first? who is he talking to? there's also blood dripping down his neck.

bro who tf even are you get out irrelevant ass /j

i don't think those two scenes are spliced together, i think they're separate.

oh wow in-ho is STILL watching the games. what a little prick.

look behind geum-ja. 3 / 5 ???? come on you IDIOTSSSS

that's gi-hun, i think. he's being wildly monitored. but also that guard is significantly short, could that possibly POSSIBLY be no-eul?

fuck you bitches idc i hope you die

hyun-ju and yeong-sam. she GIRLHANDLES HIM. like holy fuck hes FUCKED. maybe he tries to attack her and she fights back?

myung-gi and jun-hee talking during the JR game. does jun-hee attempt to sit it out? that would make sense.

ive run out of image spaces so. reblog time!!!!

[mihii-i]

UGGHHHH hear me out on toxic Yuri with acheron or Topaz like for Topaz it might be a little hard to see but basically she entered the IPC for her own survival. in a voiceline she said "my survival mattered more than my freedom" and as sad as that sounds, imagine her sweetheart (non binary idk preferably female) is back on her planet and her family was killed by the IPC and she can't stand the sight of Topaz anymore because in their eyes Topaz is a traitor for joining the IPC and they're this sad gay couple anyone would cry and throw up at the sight of like this big sloppy mess.

For acheron, I think we can have like acheron travelling and reader crashing into her no matter whag planet who are at each other's throats all the time (one-sided because Ion think acheron would gaf) but reader hates acheron and acheron doesn't go slicey slicey on reader because she wants to keep them around. idk maybe she gets amusement seeing their hateful eyes.

This isn't even toxic Yuri but I BEG YOU WHAHHWHWHHA

ignore this if your uncomfortable lol

I can’t.

Pairing(s): acheron x fem!reader

CW: mostly js hating and stuff, potential hate love relationship idk im just bullshitting warnings to fill this space, oh and Acheron lowkey scares reader by almost going slicey slicey but she doesn’t even notice it lol

A/N: someone get her google maps anyway I love acheron sm swawswwjsjsjs

Your muscles tensed up as a familiar face entered your view, her deadpan eyes locking onto you the moment she saw you. Using your free hand, you drew your hand to your eyes, attempting to shield the side of your head and avert your gaze from the Galaxy Ranger.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

The woman you despise deeply, the one you couldn’t escape no matter where you went.

Who else would it be? None other than Acheron herself.

Without hesitation, you found yourself furiously making your way to her, and your face scrunched up at the sight of her. Acheron stared back at you, her gaze hollow and emotionless as if she was waiting for you to say something. God. That stupid, unfeeling look ticked you off so damn much.

“What the hell are you doing here? Did you get lost looking for your hotel room again?”

You snapped at her, face flushed from how irritated you were upon seeing her again.

Acheron only let out a sigh in response, closing her eyes briefly before resting a hand on her hip.

“I was just minding my own business. I don’t understand what got you so irritated. Do you seriously hate me so much that you have to yell at me when you see me?”

Her tone was nonchalant and insouciant, which pissed you off even more. Why wasn’t she bothered at all? Why wasn’t she matching your energy and at your throat too? The fact that she didn’t exactly care about how much you hated her just made your blood boil, it made you feel so small and petty every damn time. Without thinking, you spat at her again, this time your words more harsh as if they had been laced with poison.

“Well why do you have to be everywhere, huh?! Every time I hope to get away from you I can’t! So why? Are you following me or some shit?!” you almost near yelled, brows furrowing and your eyelids lowering slightly.

You slam a fist onto Acheron’s shoulder, jabbing it slightly as you stare down.

You shouldn’t haves done that.

Your eyes widened, and you felt your stomach tighten as your breath caught in your throat. Your eyes trailed down to the end of her hair, heart pounding in your chest from fear as you saw a small fade of white at the tips.

It was barely there, almost not at all, yet you saw it. No doubt.

That alone made you remember, no matter how much you hated her, she was still an emanator of nihility. She could slice you apart and turn you into nothing but a memory if she wanted to.

However when you looked up, you ended up jumping back and away a good 4 feet from her stunned at what you saw.

Was Acheron- smiling a bit?

Your scornful gaze was still glued to your face as you stared her down, confused as to why she smiled for a moment and why she didn’t just kill you on the spot.

“I don’t hate you, hope you know that. But it’s…slightly entertaining to see your expression.”

She paused, taking a moment to think up of something else she wanted to say.

“And I’d prefer to keep you around, honestly.”

Acheron remarked, turning her back to you as she walked away and out of your sight. You still stared off into the distance with a puzzled expression, before running your hand through your hair and closing your eyes.

What- just happened?

traitor.

Pairing(s): topaz x fem!reader

CW: tragic lovers obviously, reader losing her shit, topaz gets fucking slapped lol idk what else to put here I hope yall know on sfw works there’s usually no warnings, um screaming crying throwing up idk gay ppl wowowow

A/N: meowmoew

“I’m sorry I-“

“stop. Just…stop. Okay..?”

You snapped, bringing your hand to crease your forehead and lowering your fingers down to the bridge of your nose near the corners of your eyes. Topaz could only stare back at you with a dejected expression while averting her gaze shamefully.

“It was for my survival…my love, please. I didn’t mean-“

You cut her off again, fighting back the tears that pricked at the corner of your eyes. You choked back a sob as you spoke in a pained voice.

“And yet you still joined the IPC? Did you even think to consider how I would feel?”

A quiet sob escaped your lips as your breath hitched and got in your throat. Within moments tears were flowing down your face, crying uncontrollably with your teeth pressed together and small hiccups spilling out as you buried your face into your hands.

“…you didn’t have to see the bodies of your family, knowing that your lover is the reason for it.”

Topaz could only watch, heartbroken by your sorrow—and it was all because of her. She reached out, attempting to place a hand on your shoulder.

“Don’t touch me! You fucking traitor!”

You yelled, breathing heavily from your sobbing, along with your nose being tinted red and the dried tear cracks down your face being run over by new tears.

Your hands balled up into fists as Topaz stared down at the ground shamefully, dragging her bottom lip between her teeth as to not cry herself.

“(Name). Please. Let me explain.”

She breathed out, trying to keep her own composure. She stepped forward, placing her hands on either side of your head, her thumb brushing along your cheek.

“You have to understand…my survival mattered more than my freedom-“

A slap echoed throughout the vicinity all of a sudden. Topaz stumbled back, the hand that was placed on your cheek now shifted over to her own, grasping her reddening skin. Her eyes widened for several seconds as she processed what happened, breathing quickening slightly. Her own beloved just slapped her.

It was obvious now. You didn’t want anything to do with her anymore.

Topaz quickly recovered from the slap and sighed, her cheek still a blistering red. She stepped forward, cupping your face again and placing her forehead against yours. She grasped your head firmly, fingers tightening as she tried fighting back her own tears.

“I get it. I’m a traitor. But I’m not a traitor when it comes to us, just know that before you go. I still love you.”

She sighed, pressing herself against you more until your noses were touching, and closing her eyes. You could only gasp from the sobs clawing at your throat in response, barely able to form a coherent sentence until Topaz walked away.

You fell to your knees when she was gone, being able to do nothing but cry. And just like that. The love of your life was gone. You wanted nothing to do with her. The pangs of regret ate away at you as you wanted nothing more than to just forgive her and lay in her arms as you mourned your family.

You still loved her. So much.

But you just couldn’t.

You couldn’t be with a traitor.

A/N: AGAGAGAGSGA UR AN ANGEL FOR SEEING MY POST COMPLAINING ABOUT NOT GETTING WLW OR HSR RAHAHAHAHBDBDBDBD

anyway I have my final tomorrow goodbye yall I’m going back to the dead

@qwnelisa

[kawacake]

OFFSIDE CRUSH | “WE OUTSIDEEEEEE!”

Masterlist, prev, next

You had threw on a simple but cute outfit because it was going to be hot during the day and cold by night. You slipped your phone into your bag and made your way down the elevator to the first floor where most of the team was already gathered, buzzing with energy like a bunch of unsupervised kids.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me..” You say looking over at Bachira who had on a cow suit with some converse on. Reo turned around just in time to hear you. “Don’t even ask but he has an extra outfit inside the cow suit.” he said, already defeated.

“I stand by my fashion choices.” Bachira beamed, throwing up a peace sign with his tongue out. “Where the hell did you even get a cow suit?” Isagi asked, genuinely disturbed Bachira shrugged “Amazon Prime shipping.” You shook your head and squeezed your way into the group, standing between Nagi who looked half asleep and Chigiri, who was already scrolling through the fair’s ride list like it was a mission briefing.

“Can’t believe Ego actually let us out,” you muttered under your breath. “Don’t remind me,” Nagi said. “It already feels illegal.” Soon enough, a bus pulled up and the entire group practically sprinted to get on, like they hadn’t seen daylight in years.

You sat next to Nagi, and the second he leaned his head on your shoulder, the whole back of the bus lost their minds. “Y/N and Nagi, sitting in a tree!..” “Shut up, Bachira!” You shouted.

When you finally arrived, the smell of funnel cake, popcorn, and overpriced fun hit you in the face. The sun was still out, casting everything in a golden haze. The boys scattered instantly like it was Blue Lock Hunger Games. “Hey,” Nagi said, suddenly beside you again, his hand brushing yours. “Stick with me. You’re better than a map.”

You blinked. “You just don’t wanna get lost, huh?”“...Yeah. That. Totally.” He said as you grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the swings as he looked up at how high it went and fear covered his face.

“That thing looks like a death trap.” You laughed, already stepping into line. “You face penalty kicks with no fear but this is where you draw the line?” “Yeah,” he mumbled. “At least the ball doesn’t dangle me 100 feet in the air.” Still, when it was your turn, he followed you. Begrudgingly. With a suspicious side-eye to the swing’s metal chains.

Once you were both buckled in, the ride jolted to life. Wind whipped through your hair as the swings lifted into the sky. You couldn’t help but let out a small scream not out of fear, but from the rush of it all. Next to you, Nagi’s knuckles were white from gripping the chain. “I hate this,” he said, monotone, eyes shut.

You burst out laughing. “You look like you’re about to cry.” He peeked one eye open, side-eyeing you. “If I survive this, you owe me cotton candy.” “Deal.” And as you promised you gave bought him the cotton candy like you promised and that was just the start of the night you were about to have.

yourinstagram

Liked by, sleepyseishiro, reoofficial, user703, and 6,390,168 others

yourinstagram THE NIGHT HAS JUST STARTED BUT BACHIRA HAS TAKEN 100+ PICTURES WITH STRANGERS JUST CAUSE HE HAD A COW SUIT ON…(I literally love bachira)

View all 3,801,689 comments

ChigiriH girl where are you…

yourinstagram me and Nagi went looking for you and the rest but then ended up on the Ferris wheel idk how that happened 🤷‍♀️

user229 me when I lie 😭✌️

megumonster SHAWTY WYAAAA THESE PEOPLE SCARING ME IM FINNA CHANGE OUT OF THIS THING…

yourinstagram give me 10 minutes or less and I’ll be there

sleepyseishiro she’s lying.

reoofficial Wait…YAWL…NAGI…😝

rinwrecks what the actual fuck is that supposed to mean…

reoofficial exactly what it says 😒 now push off

-

“This is so relaxing.” You say as the lights from the rides lit up the sky and the wind blew through your hair Nagi nodded, his head resting against the side of the Ferris wheel cart, eyes half-lidded as he looked out at the fair below. “Yeah… it’s nice.” He glanced at you for a second before quickly looking away, his voice quieter. “I get why people like this stuff.” You turned your head to him, brow raised. “You mean being outside?” He huffed a soft laugh. “Yeah. But also… being with you.”

Your smile faltered just a bit, heart thudding in your chest. “What do you mean?” Nagi was quiet for a moment, as if the words were buffering in his mind. Then he turned toward you, expression soft but serious. “I like you, Y/n. More than I probably should. And I know we’re supposed to keep everything quiet and professional and all that crap but… it’s hard. You make it hard.”

Your eyes widened slightly, unsure if you heard him right. “Wait… like like-like me?” Nagi blinked. “Yeah. That’s what I just said.” You laughed a little, breathless. “You could’ve picked anywhere to say this and you picked a tiny box suspended in the air?” He shrugged, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. “Figured you couldn’t run away up here.”

You nudged him with your shoulder, “That’s so dumb.” “Maybe,” he said, “but I meant it.” “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same. I just didn’t want to keep it in anymore.” You blinked, then smiled soft and warm. “No, idiot. I do feel the same.” Now he blinked, caught off guard for once.

You leaned in a little closer, your knee bumping his. “And if it’s gonna be hard either way… then fuck it. I’ll be your girlfriend.” His eyes widened slightly, his face still unreadable for a second then a small, real smile tugged at his lips. “Cool.” You rolled your eyes, laughing. “That’s all you have to say?”

He shrugged, leaning his head against your shoulder this time. “Told you… this is nice.” And just like that, the ride kept moving but the moment stayed suspended, like your little cart floating above the chaos of everything else.

sleepyseishiro

Liked by, yourinstagram, clutchyoichi, reoofficial, and 8,052,169 others

sleepyseishiro she’ll make you think you’re dreamin’ you’ll fall in love and you’ll be screaming demon

View all 3,902,349 comments

reoofficial YAWL MY BSF FINALLY GOT THE GIRL😛

officialraichi honestly so surprised

clutchyoichi nah y/n is more like “MISS HER KISS HER LOVE HER THAT GIRL IS POISON”

megumonster MOST ACCURATE

user194 I love how they’re giving y/n lines from poison

user707 LITERALLY LIKE THEYRE ALL ICONIC

megumonster LITERALLY MY FAVORITE COUPLE

yourinstagram I’m going to eat you😛

rinwrecks FUCKING FINALLY

yourinstagram YOU’RE SECRETLY MY BIGGEST SUPPORTER

rinwrecks I’ll give you that one

user229 EGO GON GET YALL🥀

megumonster

Liked by, sleepyseishiro, yourinstagram, clutchyoichi, and 5,290,992 others

megumonster fair day >>> real life i was the cutest cow there, no debate

View all 2,627,952 comments

clutchyoichi You literally screamed on the kiddie ride

megumonster STAWP

reoofficial Y/N had to hold your hand the whole time.

megumonster WHY ARE YALL OPENLY HATING

sleepyseishiro he cried in the funhouse mirror room

megumonster YAWL THIS GOTTA BE SOME KIND OF BULLYING🥀ALSO IT WAS DISTORTING MY ESSENCE OKAY

yourinstagram twin next time I’m not saving you from a mechanical duck ride

user338 Cow suit = peak performance. 10/10

user707 The way he looks so happy with her!!! THEY ALL DO ACTUALLY

aryu_jou Why did you choose a cow the least fashionable animal

megumonster only a hater would say that

ChigiriH This feels like an episode of a very unhinged anime

FUN FACTS🎡:

Someone in the crowd recognized the Blue Lock boys and asked if Nagi and Y/n were dating Y/n panicked and said she was his cousin It did not help

They all ended the night with funnel cake and sticky fingers

Reo won the biggest prize at a booth but gave it to Isagi because “it clashed with his outfit.”

Nagi had told Reo he was going to confess on the Ferris wheel but Reo thought he was just all talk

The title name was inspired by me texting my insta moot that “WE OUTSIDEEEEE SHAKING ASSSSSSS” then I remembered sexyy red said something similar 😛

Taglist🎟️🎠: @inojinieeee @amterasuu @frootloopscos @irethepotato @thatmf-jay @mwezieclipze @hi-itsmee28 @jxp1-t3r @meikstv

[theosphobia]

Hello rvbblr, rvb tumblr, the 3 people always liking my posts.

I bring my first ever fanfiction. and its rvb. idk how ao3 works so im just gonna drop it in here and hope thats accceptable.... erm... anyways

Everyone got seperated; the reds and blues were scattered in a pirate stronghold. Their long range comms were down and pirates lurked around every corner trying to hunt the sim troopers down.

Washington had just survived a scuffle, breaking into a run as he heard familiar shouting not too far off. Just around a couple shipping containers, Wash found Caboose standing over a pirate, Freckles' barrel smoking from fresh fire.

The blue caught the solider in the side of his vision and raised the ai-assisted rifle towards him, confetti dispersed from the gun.

"Friendly Signature Detected."

"Agent Washington! Uhm, he was like that when I got here."

Wash pushed the thought of Caboose firing at him away, he was just glad to see a friendly face.

"Caboose! Have you seen anyone else?" Wash asked, jogging up to the larger character.

Caboose looked back down at the pirate he was resting his foot on,

"On our team Caboose."

"Oh! No." Caboose shook his head and moved away from the body, sizing up to Wash.

"Are you doing okay? You hurt anywhere?" Wash started to walk and the other followed closely.

"I'm a little stressed out... and hungry.." he started. "We should find Griff next!"

Wash chuckled and patted Caboose on the back, "Hey Freckles?" The gun chimed in response, "can you find any other friendly contacts?"

"Nearest Friendly Tag is 356m away. Identification: Lavernius Tucker."

"Awesome, Can you guide us to him?" Wash asked. The custom laser sight on the rifle turned on and pointed forward. Caboose stared curiously, turning the gun from side to side, the line remained aimed toward its original path. Caboose gave a coo of amazement.

"Lets get going, the sooner we find the others the better."

--

Wash and Caboose followed Freckles' guide until they hit a large pond in the cave; they could see the remainder of the pirate stronghold on the otherside, but the water seemed to stretch to the walls, and they couldn't see the bottom. The laser ran true straight across the water.

Washington stopped for a moment to think while Caboose took a couple steps into the pond.

"I saw something over here! It might be those sim troopers!"

A voiced called from not too far away. Wash cursed to himself, a group of red dots were moving towards them on his motion tracker.

"Maybe they know how we can get across!" Caboose cheered, turning around towards the noise and started walking. Wash caught him by the arm,

"Caboose no they're trying to kill us remember?"

"Oh yeah.."

"There's no time, we're just gonna have to go through it." Wash sighed, leading the blue giant back towards the water and stepping in.

"Uhm I can't swim very well.." Caboose started, standing a bit back from Wash.

"We're not swimming, our suits will recycle air for a while, we should just be able to walk along the bottom." Washington informed him. The other man didn't argue, stashed Freckles, and followed along, both of the started to move as fast as they could in half-ton armour in water as the shouting grew louder.

They were fully submerged for a while before Wash started to notice something wrong, he was wet.

"Uh 'boose.... buddy, not to scare you or anything but I think my armour is filling up with water." Wash could feel a cut in his kevlar around his neck. He must have gotten it in that fight earlier.

"Wuh oh.." Caboose had stopped and turned to look at Wash, somehow he had managed to be moving faster than the freelancer. "Should we go back?" There was a tinge of panic in his voice.

"We can't... we just have to move faster, it can't be that much farther now" He tried holding his hand to seal the hole but water still managed to seep through his fingers, the water was hitting his waist now.

Caboose nodded and reached back, grabbing Wash's free hand, and started pulling him along so their treck sped up.

At some point, the weight behind him stalled.

"Agent Washington?"

"It's in my helmet."

Wash couldn't see, but Caboose's eyes widened. He moved closer to Washington,

"Freckles uhm.. how much further?" The blue asked as he began picking up Wash and slinging him over his shoulder without protest.

"Nearest Friendly Tag is 189m away"

Panic was rising in his voice, "okay thank you Freckles!" His speed was considerably lessened with the extra weight but that didn't stop Caboose from making his strides as quick as possible.

--

Wash had stopped responding about halfway from their predictament. Caboose didn't stop moving until they breached the shore on the other side.

Caboose laid Washington on the ground and unholstered Freckles, laying it behind them.

"Freckles you lookout for bad guys."

"Affirmative."

Oh crap oh crap oh crap... Caboose's hands shook as his fingers fumbled with the clasps on Wash's helmet and chestplate.

Water poured out as the seals broke, Wash's hair clung to his forehead. His chest laid still.

What do I do what do I do?? Think Michael think!! Caboose tried to remember what Doc had taught them ages ago. CPR CPR...

"First check to see if they're breathing! If they're not then you'll probably have to perform CPR. Since Grif already knows how to do it he'll be my demonstration."

Caboose glanced at the still freelancer, his chest was still, their chest moves when they breath right?

"Remember, you guys are wearing half-ton armour so you won't have to compress as hard as you would if you weren't. You should press down twice per second, there's songs that help but Beyoncé is timeless so we're gonna use Crazy In Love." Caboose positioned himself above Wash, tried to remember the correct hand shape, and hovered above the freelancer's chest. What if I mess up I don't want to kill Wash he's not special like Church is... he won't come back..

He took a deep breath in an attempt to calm his nerves. He started compressing, finding it easier to just count than remember Doc's silly song.

"Every 30 or so compressions try and give rescue breaths! Tilt their head back a little while pinching their nose to open their airway. Then you're gonna blow into their mouth a normal amount just enough so their chest rises; do that twice. If it doesn't rise make sure they don't have anything stuck in their throat. Grif is that gum I see in there?"

Caboose quickly brought his face to Wash's, blood splattered across his visor.

"Haha whoops sorry Washington!" He brought his hands back to unclasp his own helmet and set it to the side; turning back to brush away some of the bloody nose with his hand.

Caboose lingered slightly, he could feel the air around them now, he could also feel the lack of air coming from Wash's mouth. He cradled the back of Wash's neck in his hand, pinched his nose with the other and started his rescue breaths.

He fell into autopilot, repeating the steps in his mind over and over as he did them until a sharp breath came from Washington, as did a mouthful of cave pond water.

Caboose helped him sit up as Wash coughed up his missing breaths; his gaze fixated on the older man's movement.

"Caboose?" The blue's eyes bore into Wash, he seemed terrified. The feeling broke at the sound of his name however.

"Agent Washington you're okay! You should avoid drinking pond water, I don't think it's good for you." There was smeared blood on Caboose's face, Wash dipped his hand into the water and rubbed it against the stain.

"How'd you get blood on you 'Boose? Where's your helmet?" The other blue wore his helmet so often it was rare to see his face, his hair had gotten a bit longer and Wash could see wearing smile lines from his angle.

"Oh uhm! So when we got out of the water you weren't breathing so I tried to give you Cee Pee Arr but I forgot to take my helmet off! So now you have a bloody nose and you shared it with me when I gave you rescuing breaths!" He smiled, reaching beside him to grab his helm and snapped it back on, his second face returned.

Wash rubbed the back of his hand against his face, his helmet was off as well, and his own blood smeared against the glove.

"Holy shit you saved my life Caboose."

"I did?" His head tilted and he perked up again."I did! Oh my god does that mean my team kills go down? Because I saved you?"

Wash chuckled, clasping his breastplate back on and grabbing his helmet.

"Sure it does."

"Oh! You should probably cover that hole in case we have to go swimming again, Church always packed some for me..." Caboose dug around in his utility belt and procured a large patch used for underarmour sealing; he handed it to Wash and watched as the freelancer slapped it against his neck and rubbed it down.

"Geez thanks Caboose, you're really on it today." Wash said as brushed his hair back and locked his helm back in place.

Caboose wiggled from his seated position, paused, and grabbed Freckles before firing behind him.

Confetti dispersed from the rifle.

"Friendly Signature Detected."

"Caboose what the hell?! Did you really just try to shoot me?"

"Hi Tucker!"

[writersblockworks]

Shit I did/said as a kid/teen as the Valorant agents (I’ve never had a concussion or broken bones)

Hey guys its close to finals week when im writing this i have no idea when ill post it, but enjoy!!

Brimstone: Took charge of a group project but ended up doing the whole thing myself. (15)

Viper: Willingly grabbed a wild snake to show my mom when I was 3, but cried when they wanted me to hold a tarantula (3 then 6)

Omen: For some reason me and my friends use to play that we lost our memory, we really just used it as an excuse to be mean. (I was 9)

Cypher: Spent hours on an app that let me see city cameras in china or something (9 maybe? I'm not sure)

Sova: The first time i went fishing with my grandfather (RIP grandpa) I was so proud, then i dropped it on the ground and it flopped into the water. (i was 5)

Sage: My friends and i would hop the fence at our elementry school to go pick wildflowers, we had to stop because we got ticks (9 or 10)

Pheonix: My best friend at the time asked me what I would do if my future boyfriend gives me a knuckle sandwaich and I replied that I would eat it. I still would (my now boyfriend would never raise a hand against me) (i was 5)

Jett: A boy was showing off how fast he could run, so i tripped him (i was 8)

Raze: I spraypainted the sidewalk beside my house because i wanted to make art (I wanted to use the spray cans) then i got scolded. (I was 7)

Breech: I am autistic and someone said oh she cant shes autistic, so I bit them i dont know how old i was nor do i remember what they said.

Reyna: I would play the wack a mole game at the arcade so I could use the hammer to hit my best friend, she did the same to me (8?)

KillJoy: When i played Valorant for the first time my online friend made me play KJ because i was german (17)

Skye: While i was going my usual tree climbing, i saw a spider. I decided to fall to the ground, I got up just fine, then climbed a diffrent tree where i found a bee hive. (idk 11? maybe) Yoru: When I fIrst got glasses and I could actually see, I looked at my nana and asked her what happened to her face, then I threw up (I was 4)

Astra: I love the stars so much, I used to think we all became stars when we died because the movie princess and the frog, and I cried when the cathloic church said we didnt (I was 6)

KAY/O: In MMA class we had to do an excersize where the others would have to stop us from making it to the other side. Most of the kids dog piled on me, a 150 pound boy got on my back, yet I still made it across the room (idk I was 11 and weak, but for a treat after, I was strong) Chamber: My friend taught us pole dancing at recess and for some reason the teachers never stopped us. (we were in 5th grade about 10?)

Neon: I watched my younger brother slide into the Oven door. My parents for some reason put it in the living room. I tried to help him by saying it was the dog. However Our dog was living with my grandparents. (7?)

Fade: Spent a whole hour meowning at a random cat in France (I was 12, and where were my parents?) Harbor: I am a huge history nerd, I did three book reports on the titanic, Then when we had to be characters for a fake museum where we would have to preform for epople I decided to be the drunk man that survived (I was 10, why didnt a teacher tell me no?)

Gekko: I had one of the electronic Furbies, i still have that yellow shit. Me and my brother were playing with him and he turned evil and we got so scared. For a month we made our mom put him under a flowerpot with 2 bibles on top of it. (I actually dont know how old I was)

Deadlock: My grandma gave me a sewing kit for one of my birthdays so I just threw it at people (6)

Iso: Collected little rocks at recess then put them in the shoes of kids I didnt like (6)

Clove: Jumped off the top of the playground because I wanted to impress my crush, then I hit my head on the slide pole. Surprisingly I ended up being just fine.

Vyse: ummm I had a Wiggle (if anyone remembers those) and I would constantly bully it. I actualy dont know how old I was but I was a kid

Honorable mention: I farted in church when i was 4 and blamed it on Jesus and apparently you’re not supposed to do that. Also this is a rough memory and stir from the top of my head, I have childhood trauma

Anyways i finally got therapy. Byeeee working on a request rn

[reneesghostinthelivingroom]

Bro. Broooo. Bro. Gimme top!janis x Switch!reader with dom/sub dynamics, with Janis calling reader her pet + Secretly making out at a halloween party that Aaron threw. Bonus points if they flrt in public but never make out in punlic so there are rumours abt them pls plspls pls i need i i am OBSESSED with janis as a top pls

Closet Hookups

|| Janis Imi'ike x nonbinary!reader

|| Warnings; drunk reader and Janis, make out session, use of the word "pet", swearing, slightly in the future

|| Summary; there were rumours about Janis and reader being a thing, after getting caught at a Halloween party those rumours are confirmed.

Requests open!

Started; September 13th

Finished; September 14th

~~~

The bell rang, signalling the end of your classes for the day. With a heavy sigh you made your way down the halls and to your locker. Which was next to your girlfriend's. Janis.

You twisted around the numbers on your lock until it reached your combination and pulled it open, taking out the stuff you needed. Instrument, art supplies and a rolled up work in progress science project. Leave it to grade 10 to give you a stupid amount of projects.

Just as you were about to close your locker; you felt an arm wrap around your midriff and shuddered, instinctively tensing only to hear Janis' voice whisper against your ear. "Just me, babe."

You relaxed and looked back at her, kissing her cheek," maybe a bit of a warning, yeah?"

She laughed and gave you a playful nudge," did I scare ya?"

"No you d-"

"Boo!" Janis said suddenly, which made you flinch and she laughed again. Giving you a quick kiss," Yes I did." You rolled your eyes, unamused by her antics.

"Anyway, ya coming to the Halloween party? Aaron and Cady are throwing one tonight." She asked as she followed you down the hall towards the buses.

"Asking me to be your plus one, Imi'ike?" You teased, she only grinned and wrapped an arm around your shoulders.

"Maybe I am, depends on if you say yes."

"Then, yes."

"Tits." Janis smiled at you, making you roll your eyes as she gave your cheek a kiss before waving goodbye. You waved back and boarded your bus.

When you got home from school, you took out your costume. Making sure you had all your accessories before putting it on. You had decided to go as a slutty Vampire, which made you feel a little more exposed than what you were used to but you felt good.

Half way through doing your makeup you received a text from Janis, so you grabbed your phone and opened it.

Babygirl; heyy! need a ride in? i can pick you up at seven

You smiled at her offer and texted back, knowing Janis had only just recently gotten her full license.

You; as much as i love you, idk if i trust your driving skills yet

Babygirl; 😦 ive never been more offended

You; lmaoo im sorry baby, besides i can walk. cady's literally like ten houses down from me

Babygirl; fine 😔

You laughed a little at her dramatic reactions and set your phone down, finishing up the rest of your look and doing a once over to make sure everything was picture perfect. Then you had a mini photoshoot in front of your body mirror because of course. Gotta get those gram pics.

Soon enough, it was seven. So you headed on down to Cady's house, getting there around the same time as Janis and Damian. You noticed that Damian seemed to be a little spooked as you walked over.

"We survived. Oh my God, sweet grass." He said as he laid down across the grass, you raised an eyebrow and Janis rolled her eyes.

"He's being fucking dramatic. Ignore him." Janis stated, Damian gasped and looked her.

"Nuh huh, girl your driving nearly killed us. I don't know how they passed you on that test." Damian replied, sitting up.

You burst out laughing, covering your hand with your mouth," Man I'm glad I didn't go with y'all."

"Oh, whatever." Janis huffed and headed inside, the two of you following after.

The three of you met up with Cady, Aaron and the others (being the plastics). All of you became friends over the summer after last years insanity. Everyone, including yourselves, were surprised by that.

"Oh my Gosh, you guys made it!!" Cady ran over and gave Janis a hug, you gave an awkward smile and wave.

"We nearly didn't because of someone." Damian looked and pointed at Janis, who gave his arm a light slap.

"Cut it out, Damian."

Cady and Aaron laughed at that.

"Is she that bad?" Aaron asked.

"Worse." Damian nodded.

"Oh my god, I'm not listening to this. You, come." Janis grabbed you by your arm and dragged you to the kitchen, you easily followed.

There she got a drink for the both of you and handed you yours before taking a drink of her own.

The night went on pretty smoothly, you and Janis getting more and more drunk with each cup. By the time you both hit your fifth drink you were stumbling over each other and giggling as Janis brought you into the closet.

"Shh,' You whispered through quiet laughs," they'll hear us."

Janis chuckled and gave you a soft kiss, pulling you closer to her as she worked to get your blazer and button up off.

She broke the kiss, the usual dominant look back in her eyes as she scanned your body with a smirk," you're the one giggling. If they catch us it will be your fault."

"Heyy," You pouted, both of you were talking in slurred speeches. The alcohol hitting the both of you hard. You a little more so than Janis.

Janis covered her hand over your mouth," Quiet, pet~" She whispered in a sultry tone. You huffed and took her hand off your mouth, placing your own hand to the back of her neck and pulling her in for a bruising kiss.

Meanwhile, everyone else was wondering where the two of you had gotten to. Before you disappeared Gretchen had been keeping an eye on you and Janis, considering how drunk the two of you were. She was the first to notice your absence.

"Hey, has anyone seen Y/N or Janis? I've been looking for them but haven't found either," Gretchen said as she regrouped with the others.

Regina raised an eyebrow and smirked," How funny would it be if they were off making out?"

"Regina." Cady rolled her eyes and pushed through the group, scanning the bunches of dancing people for any sign of you or Janis.

"I'll check upstairs, knowing Y/n and their alcohol tolerance they're probably in the bathroom and janis got dragged along" Damian said, walking off in that direction.

Cady nodded and headed off to the halls, looking around. She passed the closet and heard something get knocked over, then voices. Which sounded like yours and Janis'. She paused and took a few steps back until she was in front of the door. Maybe Regina was right...

She knocked then opened the door, finding the two of you trying to separate from your tangled mess. You had reached for your shirt and completely fallen over top a mop bucket while Janis was laughing her ass off at your clumsiness.

Cady gasped and blushed deeply. Yup, Regina was definitely right. "I'm sorry- we were just- oh God-"

Janis looked at Cady," give us a minute." She closed the door, leaving Cady stunned in the hall as Damian came over to her.

"I found them.." Cady mumbled, Damian looked at the closet and gasped.

"No," He said in a dramatized tone.

A few moments later you and Janis stumbled out, back in your outfits. Some of your buttons were messed up and Janis' hair was out of place. You both had sheepish grins on your faces as you looked at your friend group. Who had all come over by now.

"Called it," Regina said, holding her hand out to Aaron who rolled his eyes and handed her a $10. "Thank you very much." Regina smirked and pocketed the bill.

"We're dating," You announced.

Damian nodded, "You know, I figured."

"Wow, rumours were right." Gretchen said.

Karen was the most surprised out of everyone, she really had no idea whereas everyone else had at least some idea," oh my Gosh. Congrats!!!"

You and janis looked at each other with a soft look in your eyes. You were glad they finally knew, it felt wrong keeping it from them.

[caffeiiine]

I read the tags on your Kunikida post… go ahead and explain, my liege

JUST SAW THIS SOMEHOW ABYWAYS TYYY

OKAY so probably going into detail about how kunikida can be considered passively suicidal since i have the most coherent thoughts on that aand warnings for stuff of that nature under the cut :D + length

[also small disclaimer, i have been procrastinating reading dazais entrance exam and so far have only seen the anime adaptation which apparently left a ton of stuff out so feel free to correct me on inaccurate details and/or missed examples or just downright incorrect information]

[note: idk if passive is the correct term bc i was thinking about it and hes not exactly like oh i hope this kills me yk, so whatever that term is lmk <3]

This stuff also sorta ties in with his ideals and their potential self destructive-ness. they tend to cause him to either negligently often risk his life with there being an apparent “other way”, or just outright risk his life with barely a second thought for his ideals.

so kunikida has very strong morals and that’s the core of his character. the main ideals referenced in the show being his infamous “ideal woman”, “how to make dazai ideal”, and the ideal that basically tells him to save people. [i forgot what that one is referred to as]. If we’re talking timeline wise i think one of the first examples of his ideals causing him to negligently risk his life would be in Dazais Entrance Exam, or The Azure Messenger arc if you’re an anime watcher.

First example off the top of my head in dazais entrance exam would be when him and Dazai first see the hostages, specifically the ones in the room

after the gas came down dazai has to actually wrestle kunikida away from the room because otherwise hes gonna die. kunikida repeatedly shouts about how “people shouldn’t die like this”. This might be a bit of a tangent but later on in the episode he remarks how he “may as well ahev set the bomb off himself” when Dazai asks about Rokuzou’s dad, implying he blames himself for Rokuzou’s dad’s death. This is of itself isn’t enough for me to say “oh yeah he’s passively suicidal” so moving on to the main manga where there are several other instances of his tendencies to throw himself directly in harms way.

[there may be examples before this i just skipped to chapter 40] and starting off strong we have the thing with Aya. This could be written up to circumstance but he had the opportunity to avoid death himself so im counting it. he’s basically hugging death. that’s all i have to say for this.

of course he ends up surviving it because of deus ex machina yosano. After the fact, Aya asks him what he would’ve done if Yosano wasn’t there. To which he replies basically he would’ve done the same thing he just did except died and basically would have been fine with the outcome as long as she didn’t die in front of him. [he would’ve been dead as well and not had to deal with the guilt] i should point out as well, he does this because of his ideals. he specifically cites his ideals around these parts usually. The not letting anybody die before his eyes is one of ideals and the most common one he uses.

[im pulling that from the fact he had no backup plans or anything to actually stop the bomb aside from Yosano, since his words could imply he would’ve tried to save Aya. and the guy with the bombs was using the fact Kunikida holds his ideals very close to him, taht he wouldn’t have allowed Aya to die if he could’ve prevented it.]

aaand i think our last example and best example for tonight

context for the scene: they’re in the getaway helicopter and tecchou is trying to take it down via his sword and Kunikida decides to take matters into his own hands and take down Tecchou. First off, HE DID NOT HAVE TO, CHUUYA IS RIGHT. THERE. HE LITERALLY SHOT TECCHOU WITH GRAVITY BULLETS EARLIER.

HE DID NOT HAVE TO RISK HIMSELF BUT HE DID. also additional context, in this arc and the previous arcs, he’s been faced with situation after situation where his ideals have failed him and he’s been unable to exercise them and save the people he thinks he should.

point being, he feels like complete shit! he probably is thinking like if he should do anything then, it should be he makes sure he gets his friends out of there. regardless of whether he’s dead or alive because he jumps out of the plane and full body tackles tecchou while being in direct contact with fucking chuuya.

chuuya “has to stay out of the fights and arcs half the time because he’s too good at his job” nakahara.

chuuya “just shot tecchou and did a decent job at keeping him back a few pages before” nakahara. you see my point.

oh and then he just attempts to blow the both of them up.

he does not care for his life at all here. not one bit. also he did not need to blow the both of them up. he could’ve made a fucking stun gun or anything else that wouldn’t KILL the BOTH of them??

my whole point is he does not care for his life here and it’s gets worse the more you progress through the manga.

anyways anyways ending off, kunikida repeatedly puts his life in danger either for his ideals or neglectfully and/or without need. this has been a ramble. this man is not okay.

also kinda funny is he’s partners with dazai of all people, actively suicidal princess bungou himself. i really enjoy their differences and how similarly different they are.

^ not actually related to anything but i almost started laughing so hard with my family in the room at this piece, junichiro looks so concerned

[coiled-dragon]

PLEASEEE talk about Perpetua and Copia!

Idk what to ask exactly, maybe just about how you think their dynamic has changed/should work both before and after Perpetua's status change? Or about how Copia clearly feels a degree of responsibility for Perpetua even though they're twins and whether that's always been the case?

I'm mostly just obsessed with the way you write themmm

eee thank you thank you im glad to talk about themmm

Honestly the thing is, Perpetua's status change was from 'nonexistant' to 'the new Papa' which is a super big wrench to throw at Copia tbh

Copia expected to die at his final show, and instead his mother dies and he is promoted to her place as Imperator and head of the Satanic Clergy AND finds out he's not only being forced to give up the spotlight but he has to give it up... to a fraternal twin brother he never knew he had.

I managed to write it out to my small chat of friends where we have been spinning these two like fidget spinners but like. Its such a relatable only child/elder or middle child thing to go through, where you really feel like you're getting all the attention and you deserve it and its wonderful and then... this tiny soft imposter takes your spot.

Anyway thats not what you asked about.

There wasnt much of a dynamic before hand imo, it was very much a sudden shift of 'this is how it is now' and how it is is... a little rough to say the least. A lot of the fandom has summarized it as Copia hates Perpetua but I don't think hate is really the right word. It shows itself as childish hatred and animosity but its really a lot of upset and jealousy. He doesn't want to be in charge, he wants to be on the stage, and he feels replaced.

Perpetua is a different case where what he feels is also complex just in a different way. Everything is painfully new and he probably feels alone and having the sole surviving member of your family have such an obvious animosity aimed at you can make it hard for him to not want to retaliate.

I think Perpetua comes off as more antagonistic because Copia's strategy is to Avoid him and let everyone know he doesn't want to think about Perpetua existing at all, and whatever started the more intimate bullshit between them was probably born between Perpetua hunting him down and confronting him.

I dont think, at first, Copia feels much responsibility for his brother, but he DOES feel the weight of responsibility in general as the new Imperator. And he hates it. Circling back to the whole 'child getting upstaged and upset when a new one comes along' thing, it often comes with what he's dealing with now which is added responsibility as a general thing. He doesn't want to add V to the list of things he has to be responsible for. But it ends up happening anyway LMAO

They both have. So many problems. And idk how much you really know about Ghost in general because there is a lot of Lore its been 15 years since the first album came out now I believe, but its very loose and Tobias, the creator, he's loosey goosey about the lore. Like the show tonight in London he literally just tossed us a real confusing bit of knowledge from Perpetua's lips which doesnt make any sense at all in context of lore so thats gonna be fun BUT

A lot of their problems stem from their parents, and not knowing who they were until they were much older. And then Perpetua's rather consistently headcanoned as having been given to the Catholic Church as an orphan to be raised there so theres also the Religious Guilt portion of his mess.

AND THEN THEY END UP FUCKING

And its messy. Because both of them need therapy, Copia is struggling to have to grow up while Perpetua is perhaps enjoying the first ever taste of childish freedom he's had in his entire life and they're both like. Middle aged men.

Oh also the ghost of their mother haunts them though Perpetua can't see her... until he nearly dies (not canon this is my cooking and also it happens because he manages to rile up Copia enough to start choking him during sex and it does almost kill him on one occasion). Dad might also sometimes haunt them but more for the comedy.

Im having a lot of fun and im glad you like how I write them and if this is case of me being like the first in depth brush with Ghost Im so fucking sorry because I will get a lot wrong but I WILL Yap more if you want me to

[jadetheblueartist]

JADEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I FINISHED IT. I FINISHED EPIC THE MUSICAL AND IT IS SO SO SO GOOD!!! NSAXKJNCSDJKNADKJNCSDKJNCADKJANCDJKSNDCKJWDNCJK

OKAY FIRST OFF ODYSSEUS IS SO FUTURE LEO ITS INSANE.

AND SECOND JUST AGH THE WHOLE THING IS FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!! I WAS SO MAD WHEN HE DROPPED THE STINKING BABY. AND ALSO HE IS A GENIUS THE WHOLE I AM “NOBODY” AND THE CYCLOPS BIT EVFNIHEFVNIHERFNIHREFNIRHE

WHEN STUPID WHATEVER HIS NAME IS (Best friend to Odysseus) DIED DURING SURVIVOR I WAS SO SAD. LIKE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHYYYYYY

OKAY I HAVE QUESTIONS FOR YOU!

Favorite song?

Favorite animatic? (If you watched them)

Any scenes you wanna explode about?

Any songs that remind you of Spider’s Web Widens (or just tmnt in general)?

ALSO WAIT DID ATHENA LITERALLY JUST DIE??? BRO. IJCDWNWDIJCNCDWJI

THIS IS SO LONG I NEED TO ADD A CUT

-NYEHEHE YES HE IS VERY FUTURE LEO CODED

-YES AND LIKE I LOVE HOW HE WENT FROM “I KEEP THINKING OF THE INFANT FROM THAT NIGHT” TO “AND IF I HAVE TO DROP ANOTHER I FANT FROM A WALL IN AN INSTANT SO WE ALL DONT DIE? THEN ILL BECOME THE MONSTER” BRO SWITCHED UP 😭

-OH MY GOSH YES POLITES BROOOOOO idk which version you listened to but due to some licensing issue maybe they updated the first two sagas and in the new survive song you can hear bro hit the ground and like fhshdvjsjdbsjsk

-Ummmmmm favorites are tricky so I’ll actually just give you lots hahaha (by saga of course)

Troy Saga: it’s gotta be the horse and the infant bc that’s such a nice starter and it was the first I’d heard of the musical and it got me hooked

Cyclops Saga: I really like my goodbye bc daaaaaaaang their friendship breakup thing makes me saddddd :((((

Ocean Saga: I LOVE ruthlessness it is just soooooo fantastically stimmy and crazy powerful (and keep your friends close is a close second)

Circe Saga: Done for is just the best song from two really powerful and cunning people going head to head and duking it out and like sggdhdkdhfjdkdkskd yeah yeah yeah

Underworld Saga: HANDS DOWN ITS NO LONGER YOU IVE LISTENED TO THAT SO MANY TIMES ITS INSANE (and you NEED to see the future Mikey animatic for this song bc it’s partially what got me hooked)

Thunder Saga: I love all of these ones it’s so hard to choose 😭 so much happened but I’ll say suffering and different beast bc when those two play uninterrupted one after the other, it is magnificent!!!! I love how he’s so silly in the first one and then so FREAKING ANGRY IN THE SECOND LIKE DHDHSHHSKS BUT THEN THERES SCYLLA I LOOOOOOOOVE THAT ONE

Wisdom Saga: I love the beginning of love in paradise however god games has my HEART I love I love I love!!! I especially really like Aphrodite her part is just so addictive shdhdjdhjsjd

AND THEN TECHNICALLY THE VENGEANCE SAGA AND ITHACA SAGA ARENT OUT YET SO I CANT SAY. However I am really looking forward to get in the water for the vengeance saga and the challenge for Ithaca saga (oooooooh also king from Ithaca saga)

And then if you’d like I’d love to hear your favorites ^^

-my favorite animatic is like all of them hahaha tho I especially like the ones Gigi does they’re so cooooool

-bruh literally all the scenes all the time man i swear October 31 i am gonna be actually going insane for that release

-erm okay sooooo yes for sure, Camille got no longer you as a song for her but that was first draft camille so it doesn’t really apply anymore 😭 buuuuut the underworld DEFINITELY DOES. Also I’m not sure if I should say, but the part of the Scylla song where she’s singing at them is pretty important and could be an animatic of her backstory one day perhaps

And this is sort of sww, but more so just all of the turtles together fighting as one. I imagine in survive when ody’s barking out orders that’s Leo being a leader (awww proud of him) and then everyone else is so in sync and their a well oiled machine and there would be individual shots of each of them doing a great job and just fhdhhsjshdhdhs it’s hard to explain but it’s awesome

OHMIGOSH IM SO CONCERNED IDK FHDJDHSJHDDHSJKSHDHD ITS SO VAGUE LIKE I GOTTA FIND OUT PLEASE

[house-on-sand]

the jason playlist (the jaylist if you will)

bonus -> favourite / most fitting lyrics

any in depth thoughts abt the lyrics might come later idk im sleepy rn

bathtub - tfb: still i scrub and scrub till my body bleeds / convince myself i am coming clean / forget and ignore who i used to be / that kid is never coming back & and all of a sudden, i am scared / all of a sudden, i can't breathe / all of a sudden, i am nothing / in this moment, you are everything

bleed - connor kauffman: you lie through your teeth, feels so incomplete / wait for your story to take you too deep / and i call out your name

wide eyes - badflower: my innocence was taken / i'll never be that boy again / i guess i'm only speculating but there's no use in hearing the truth from a liar & rage! / i'm the bad guy, i'm the bad guy / i'm the cynical kid, i'm the rage / i'm the big lie / i'm the goddamn shame of the goddamn pride! & i'm the bad guy, i'm the nice try / i'm the typical bitch with the rage!

the worst in me - bad omens: it seems no matter where i look, it's always gone / with you i know i'll never win / and it's hard to say where it went so wrong / and failed me in the end & is there forgiveness in the end?

family line - conan gray: scattered 'cross my family line / i'm so good at telling lies / that came from my mother's side / told a million to survive & all that i did to try and undo it / all of my pain and all your excuses / i was a kid, but i wasn't clueless / someone who loves you wouldn't do this

memento mori - crywank: in my life, will i make a difference? / in my death, will i be missed? / will i be granted some sort of an afterlife? / or will i just cease to exist?

bloody! bloody! - junie & thehutfriends: you're so down bad for everything / been mad since you were seventeen / you drink to forget everything / and now you're seeking blood & and you're driving with your hands, not believing all the bleeding / and they're calling you bloody / and the knife sits gleaming in the red back seating and they're calling you bloody / and theyre all still screaming in your head, and their lips dead / calling you bloody / and theyre calling you bloody, bloody

funeral derangements - ink: slave to the plot / let 'em rot / or bring 'em back forever / sometimes / sometimes / dead is better & they say, "beyond those gates, eternal life awaits" / but those beyond the grave, come back beyond depraved & i'll dig through sorrow and disgust / ashes to ashes, dust to dust / don't give up, don't let go / i'll make this right & they say that time heals all / but i won't heed the call / buried in misery / spare me the eulogy / still, i can't escape this struggle / driven when push comes to shovel / whether god's hand or my own / nothing here is set in stone & the flesh is living but the souls have spoiled / the wrath of god lays beneath this soil

let you down - nf: yeah, i guess im a disappointment doin' everything i can / i don't wanna make you disappointed, it's annoying / i just wanna make you feel like everything i ever do was never tryna make an issue for you, but i guess the more you thought about everything you were never wrong in the first place, right? & yeah, you don't wanna make this work / you just wanna make this worse / want me to listen to you, but you don't ever hear my words / you don't wanna know my hurt, yeah / let me guess, you want an apology, probably / how can we keep going at a rate like this? & i feel like every time i talk to you, you're in an awful mood / what else can i offer you? / there's nothing left right now, i gave it all to you

family - badflower: this home of mine / i see it in my dreams / where everyone looks happy / and everyone still likes me / this home of mine / i miss it all the time / what happened to this family? / what happened to this family? & first fifteen years, i'm the favorite son / last fifteen years, i'm the hated one & 'cause i let you down / and i lost my fucking mind / then everything got messy / and everyone got angry / i cursed my blood tonight / it happens all the time / is everyone against me? / has everyone goddamned me?

take a bullet - NOTHING MORE: your lips are poison and sweet / but trust doesn't come cheap / talk is nothing to me / take a bullet for me / maybe then i'll believe! & your words mean nothing to me / it's time to eat what you speak / take a bullet for me / maybe then i'll believe!

friendly fire - NOTHING MORE: i don't care about the story / i don't care about the myth / i don't care how you see my life / you haven't witnessed it / use fear as a weapon / pity as a whip / convince everyone around that i'm a piece of... & make me a sinner / because you paint the picture / buy your believers / you couldn't resist you couldn't resist

let's bury the hatchet... in your head - ink: i'm pulling all the strings i have with god / i'm hoping to find a better way / i pray the only thing i need is time / to rid the world of your lunacy! & you're as faithful as a false prophet / so, here's a prophecy for you / you'll remember me (remember me, remember me!) / when you're struggling to breathe! & can't you see the monster you've become? / i couldn't watch the world through your eyes / salvation for you's in the hands of god / so save your prayers and beg for your life!

a sadness runs through him - the hoosiers: time and again, boys race to be men / impatient they start, fearful they end / but here was a man, mourning tomorrow / he drank, but finally drowned in his sorrow & he looked in the wrong place for redemption & don't look at me with those eyes / i tried to anaesthetize / turn back the time that drew him / but he couldn't be saved / a sadness runs through him

connect the cuts - ink: doubt has dragged me down to rock bottom this time / despite the weight on my shoulders, i continue to climb / in my final hours towards a higher power to find / i'm damaged by design

the three of us (jason todd) - edward caldwell: now you say that i haven't learned, gotta be better than them / maybe you don't care or maybe you're just scared / so your greatest failures here yeah you have to choose / the man who ripped us apart or the son you had to lose & not upset you couldn't make it in time to save me / not upset you found someone new had to replace me / but why on god's green earth is he still breathing / especially when he took me from you / i mean dammit he took me from you

if i'm crazy - amigo the devil: we live in a castle made out of sand / i stood there and wondered how much you could stand / both of us float in the same kind of dark / but i was the storm and you were always the ark / you've already heard everything that i've said / i'm a man of my word and that word is regret

[half-truths-and-hyperbole-louk]

Louk’s Bad Batch rewatch pt 5 (pt 2 hehe)

The first ep of tbb is so long so here’s part 2 of episode oneeee

Bad Batch 1x01 (part 2)

TINY BABY CLONES

Hunter playing with his knife 💕

Wrecker and Crosshair crying at the new armoury 😭

Hunter!! Listen to your little/big sister/daughter!!

“Change takes getting used to” ~ Hunter but it reminds me of Tech in the cave, I keep jumping ahead Louk SLOW DOWN

Omega with her lil nervous hands 🥹🤲

Crosshair listen here you little shit (said with love)

Nala Se and her helicopter parenting sheesh

Hunter: *gives orders* Wrecker: *runs off* Hunter: 🖐️ “covertly”

“Easy Wrecker, your programmings kicking in” ~ Tech the comedian

Hunter: “children???? civilians????” Crosshair: ‘so anyway I started blasting’

Crosshair’s dramatic sigh beats all of Echo’s so far actually

nvm I’m jumping ahead now idc SAW GERRERA IM COMING FOR YOU PERSONALLY 👀

“Adapt and survive or die with the past” ~ Saw, still love that line tho

Crosshair does not flinch when Hunter fires his blaster right next to his head, the complete trust even in the middle of an argument

Tech just casually dropping the biggest plot point of the episode and literally said ‘bro it’s so obvious’ while they’re all like 🤯

like: ‘Omega is an enhanced clone’ ‘haha funny’ ‘I literally dna tested her ???’

“What is all this stuff Azi?” illegal

Hunter’s box with name on it with his spare bandanas and the picture !!! who took it vote pls

Omega holding Azi’s hand 🥹

the boys in their blacks 💕💕💕

every time I hear “good soldiers follow orders” another piece of my heart shatters I swear

“It’s not your fault, you can’t help it” ~ OMEGA MADE CROSSHAIR SMILE 😭😭😭😭😭 HIS FACE SOFTENED AND HE SMILED IM SCREAMING CRYING THROWING MYSELF INTO ORBIT

when the shock trooper hits Hunter, Echo bends down to check him 🥹

LEAVE CROSSHAIR ALONE

the last thing Crosshair heard before they fried his brain was Hunter saying “we stay together” what if I cried forever ???

Omega copying Hunter 🥹💕

Tech covers his own mouth when Wrecker talks too loud 🥹

“Where’s the girl” Hunter: “girl? Idk what you’re talking about” Echo: I will literally murder you all

pull the lever kronk

I love how they show they don’t always kill people.. like the regs groan a little lmao

Omega knows Crosshair is coming before Hunter does !! she turns and looks at the door and says they don’t have to go far to find him…..y’all tell me how she knew he was there before Hunter …..

Crosshair calls Hunter “sergeant” 😭😭

Crosshair shoots Wrecker in the same spot he got short earlier 😠bro give my mans a break!!

Nala Se! thanks for the override girlie

Omega has perfect aim !!! It’s all about tuning out distractions

I don’t even want to think about how Crosshair feels watching them fly away without him 🥲 he looks more sad that angry to me idk

Omega distracting Wrecker while he’s being treated 💕💕

Wrecker: “it’ll take more than a blaster shot to take me down!” Echo: bruh 😑

“We know a guy” YAYAYAYAY

Omega in the front seat like 🤩

and that’s part 2 of ep 1 done my friends!!!

I hope you enjoyed it !! Episode 2 up next 💕

[sugurouge]

hello this is your wild card to spill tea about you and bladie 🎤 TELL ME ANYTHINGGGGGG

NOOOOOOOOOO RYUUU not bladie 😩

like i told you before, i'm so awful at backstories or selfships... but as we know, i too have been living a lot in delulu land and my god, i love the drama i dream about with my dark haired harem. i fear blade is no better than suguru 😩

so recently i've been thinking about a comm for blade (again, yes, dont perceive me) and i definitely love the vibes of reincarnation, forbidden fruit, salvation, forbidden lovers for us mhm mhm. while his fate is to not be able to die but endlessly search for salvation, my fate is to die by his hands with every new life. between you and me (and the internet reading this), the fic i'm working on is extremely self indulgent as it's a very detailed part of my selfship with blade

we met while he was being held in the shackling prison. i'm bending the rules a bit and say through jing yuan i got special rights, idk maybe he just "recognised" me, and due to his weak spot for blade i got to talk to him. the bond was there ofc, mostly because he recognised me, obviously, but for me it seemed so like he understood me so effortlessly, like a soulmate, hah little do i know. mama i'm in love with a criminal. i just wanted to study the psychology of the special case mara struck. and that's how i got down there, a 'weird' obsession that led me to learn about medicine and psychology (definitely subconsciously caused by my reincarnations and blade) that's how i kept pestering him at first while he tried to hold up walls around him in order to not mvrder me again. because no matter the promise he made to himself to not hurt me again, the mara would always act on itself and eventually bring me my end. so this time he swears to himself that it's enough to talk, to see me through the safety bubble i'm protected by. but how could he escape hell and not visit me 🤭

it's a lot of commitment issues, a lot of illegal business going on, him sneaking back in just to see me, minor stalker vibes at times too since he tries to keep his distance at first, but also his eyes on me. oh god, i could actually ramble about this selfship for hours because i have a story!! BUT TO MAKE IT SHORTER: he gives in to the temptation to see me again and again, to get rid of the voices in his head through my presence. (i can fix him) it's just an awful lot of push and pull up until the moment he takes me with him. before that i tried to cut him off (that's part of my fic teehee the commitment and all that happens there) and we become fighting buddies and life happily ever after up until MY SELFSHIP ART HAPPENS OMG IM SO EXCITED TO GET ITTT YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THE VISION IS VISIONING OF HIM ACCIDENTALLY HURTING ME akdnsksk but in my head, with this reincarnation, while he fears he might have lost control and killed me again, i delulu about surviving and carrying a scar on my face (like mikasa has) because that means he scarred my face and has to marry me 🤸🏻🙂‍↕️

there are so many good songs for blade too, i have a playlist for him now as well 😩

thank you for stopping byyyy, ilyyy <33

[0witchy-bitch3]

ACOTAR spoilers ahead obvs. Unless you’ve finished A Court of Silver Flames, read at your own discretion.

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Very different post to what I normally make, but I just finished A Court of Silver Flames, moving onto Crescent City when they arrive, and I have a theory as to why Feyres pregnancy was so difficult to the point it almost killed her.

Im usually not a fan of the lethal pregnancy trope, so this theory is how I’ve explained SJMs choice in own my head. As its long been established that Feyre is extremely powerful, so the sudden flip to her bleeding to death during birth has to be justified in my mind.

I don’t know if this is an original theory, probably not as the books have been out a while with millions of readers, but I haven’t read it anywhere so here goes.

Feyres powers are an amalgamation of the kernels of power given to her by the 7 high lords of Prythian. They are what turned her Fae, but the abilities and strength she has are from 7 males.

We also know from ACOTAR and ToG that fae pregnancy’s are already hard on a naturally fae mother, which is why fae children are so rare.

None of the powers from the 7 lords will have had any connection to the fae birth process or would have provided any strength to help her through it, simply because they are men and do not possess that ability themselves.

Nothing in Feyres Fae transformation prepared her for the challenge that is a fae pregnancy, let alone with the added difficulty of the baby being part Illyrian. Which we know is basically a death sentence to a naturally born High Fae, let alone a mortal woman only endowed with male fae strengths.

We also know that Fae pregnancies gestate for 10 months as apposed to the human 9. However Nyx was born around 2 months premature. It isn’t rare for human babies to be born in the 8th month. Let alone when you combine all the factors her body would have gone through. We know that it was one of Nyxs wings tearing through Feyres womb that triggered the premature labor and all the blood loss described in the book. And that even will accelerated fae healing, she was close to death. That and the fact that her periods were so horrendous, means to me that her fae body was simply not well prepared to deal with the experiences only female fae go through.

This is in comparison to Nesta, who as a caldron made Fae, had no issue with her altered Fae period, as she was shaped by the source of the world itself and not just the male part. We do know that Feyre has a history of particularly unpleasant menstruation, which I think also played a part in the pregnancy complications. If she was already predisposed as a mortal to a risky pregnancy, finding herself birthing a part Illyrian Fae baby would justifiably create major complications.

We also know she conceived in her Illyrian form then shape shifted back to her High Fae body and was then prohibited from shifting again for fear of harming the baby. Which I kind of understand, maybe she’d accidentally absorb him idk? And at the end of the birth the healer says her anatomy was permanently changed to allow the birth of a winged baby, but personally that seems far to simple of a solution to what was made out to be an unavoidable demise.

When Nesta helped Feyre, there is mention that the Mothers hand had a part to play on Feyres survival. So much so that Nesta even got to retain some of her power simply because the Mother was so impressed by her sacrifice.

As it was the Mother who spilled the Cauldron, creating Prythian and the known world. My theory, is that the Mother endued Feyre with the power to birth fae life. A power she would not have received from the 7 high lords during her resurrection as a Fae, which lacked a seemingly necessary female involvement.

Again, this is just my theory do with it as you will. I would love to hear any thoughts people have about it! X