#he's taking the selfish option for once that he's gonna do what he wants and what feels good for him

[navree]

anyway the only version of jason going non-lethal that makes sense is the version he brings up in #975 where he makes clear that he's going against his moral compass and his convictions on what he thinks is right explicitly so that he can maintain a connection with his family. none of this mealy mouthed 'jason realizes Killing Is Bad' thing (i'm of the opinion that jason's kinda the direct opposite of bruce in that where it would be too easy for the latter to start killing and not stop jason can kill and obviously has but the easier option for him is to just not do it and he does it because that's how his philosophy works) but jason admitting that he's taking the easy way out and being selfish at the expense of his own moral code so that he can still be a part of the batfamily. it's the only thing that makes sense to me.

[sapphic-serenade]

Selfish

pairing: Atsushi x AFAB!cat!reader plot: You ask Atsushi to leave work early to help satiate your heat, and he does just that. word count: 2.2k contains: Reader has a cat ability similar to Atsushi's, reader and Atsushi are both in heat, reader and Atsushi are both using their abilities, established relationship, missionary, mating press, biting, tit sucking, unprotected sex, possessiveness, breeding kink, probably a lot of inaccuracies (virgin moment, sry), lmk if I missed anything a/n: Well well well my first one! I hope you guys enjoy it~ feedback is appreciated and encouraged!

Atsushi would never want to admit this, just because of how terrible it sounded, but he was being selfish. So, so selfish, but also so selfless at once.

He did what he always did when he had to leave for work before you'd woken up- plant a small kiss on your forehead, leave a small note on the table, grab his pre-packed lunch that you'd prepared the previous night and leave. Yet, he felt off. Everything at the Agency was business as usual too—his coworkers, the clients, even down to the workload—still, he couldn't shake off the physical discomfort he was experiencing.

Atsushi knew it probably wasn't the best idea to try and go to work during his heat, especially since you were also going through it at the same time, but neglecting what he considered to be one of his moral duties just felt scummy, especially for the sake of his own lust.

Still, he was having a hard time. Though he knew that his job was an important one that absolutely demanded his full attention, the memory of your sleeping figure lingered in the back of his mind. The sweet scent that hung around your almost-nude, warm body, plastered in a thin sheen of sweat...the simple thought was enough to make him hard within seconds. He'd barely even held back from waking you up to have a quick round of morning sex before work.

He thought it would be best for the both of you if he tried to stave off his urges until he got home, difficult as it may have been. Unfortunately, nature doesn't quite like when you go against it so brazenly.

At home, you were curled up in bed, feeling lonely as ever. Your libido was through the roof, and yet you couldn't do a single thing about it. Your fingers, while being an adequate option at any other time of the month, certainly wouldn't be able to get you through your heat. You needed your partner; needed him to plunge his cock as deep into you as it could go and fuck you senseless until you were full with his seed. Atsushi's scent hung on the sheets on his side of the bed, and you rolled over to cuddle his pillow. You were hot, unbearably so, and all you could think about was Atsushi. You felt like you'd die if you weren't stuffed with his cum soon.

Panting heavily, eyes tearing up, you reached over to grab your phone from your bedside table, your clammy hand almost dropping it on the ground. Clenching your teeth, you opened messages and scrolled to Atsushi's contact.

You almost hesitated to text him. Would making him leave work just to come and fuck you be selfish? At the very least, anybody else would deem it unnecessary. But they weren't writhing in their beds, naked and yet sweltering, feeling like they could burst at any moment. They didn't have any abilities that only exacerbated the discomfort, making them even more sensitive to sound and touch. They didn't know what Atsushi was capable of.

Biting your lip, you clumsily typed in three simple words and pressed 'send'.

Atsushi, feeling his phone buzz in his pocket, pulled it out and saw the singular notification.

i need you

Atsushi, in what would have certainly been considered unusual by everyone else, stood up without a word and made his way to the door, taking nothing and nobody else with him. It was as if he couldn't hear the objections of everyone else, or even the simple 'Where are you going's.

He was probably gonna get in trouble for it, but he'd long since tuned out any common sense by that point in favour of thinking about you and you alone.

This was selfish of him. Though he knew that coming home and having sex with you would undeniably make you feel better, it was ultimately for himself that he'd left work that day. He craved the feeling of your welcoming, wet pussy far too much, wanting nothing more than to completely fill you to the brim. He needed you just as much as you needed him.

The trip wasn't far, thank god. Atsushi didn't even take the time to remove his shoes when he got home, instead pulling them off haphazardly on the way to your shared bedroom.

When he soon burst through the door and laid eyes on you, he could have came right then and there.

You were stark naked in bed, desperately rutting against his pillow as soft whimpers left your mouth. Your feline ears and tail were on full display, twitching as if you were about to explode from the discomfort. Your red face was half buried in the blanket, your fangs sinking into the material like a teething toy as your catlike eyes were slightly glazed over beneath furrowed brows. When they saw him, you lifted your head and let out a small mewl.

"Atsushi..." you wailed, tears threatening to spill from your eyes. "I'm sorry-"

"Y/N," he choked out, before shaking his head and approaching you. "Don't be sorry."

"I just...ngh-"

"I'm here, baby," he huffed as he yanked at his tie, climbing onto the bed. "I'm here now."

"'Sushi..." you whined, rolling over and exposing your sore, swollen tits to him. “I need you…”

"I- god, I need you too-" Atsushi hurriedly replied, crawling so that he was hovering over you. He immediately smashed his lips onto yours and your arms wrapped around his neck, effectively keeping your faces trapped together. You quickly parted your lips, allowing his tongue inside your mouth, and already you felt as if you could cum from his hungry, possessive kisses.

Atsushi finally pulled off his tie, and the pair of you hastily unbuttoned his shirt and trousers, pulling them all off until he was only clad in his underwear. His erection wasn't at all hidden, especially not when Atsushi grinded it against your wet cunt as he kissed you. The friction of the now-wet fabric made you whine into the kiss.

"C'mon, Atsushi..." you murmured, reaching down to grab the waistband of his underwear. "Please fuck me."

When you opened your eyes, you were met with Atsushi's golden, tiger ones staring back at you. His ears, tail, claws and fangs had appeared too, making him appear larger as he hovered above you. Atsushi obliged, helping you pull down his underwear so his cock sprung free, before tossing them somewhere across the room. You took his already-leaking dick in your hand, earning a hiss from your partner, and pumped it a couple of times. The tip was red and would have been very sensitive, but you didn't have time to tease him today. You just wanted him inside you as soon as possible.

Atsushi pulled back so that he was perched in between your thighs, and lined up his cock with your entrance. He prodded your pussy with his tip, gathering some of your slick, before looking into your eyes.

"Are you ready?" His grip on your hips tightened slightly.

"Yeah," you nodded, swallowing. "Please..."

You both let out loud moans as he finally sank into you, your wetness acting as a more-than-adequate lubricant. Atsushi did his best to savour the moment, slowly pushing his cock deeper, but the feeling of your pussy clenching him was too much to bear. You wailed as he bottomed out, the sudden pleasure coursing through your veins and leaving you shaky already.

Atsushi wasted no time, pulling all except his tip out and then slamming back into you. Your apartment wasn't a big and nice one, so your walls weren't exactly soundproof, but your judgement was too clouded to worry about the repercussions of your loud, borderline pornographic screams.

It was messy. Your kisses were sloppy, sweaty bodies colliding against each other in the most passionate round of sex the two of you had had in a long time. It was always like that during your heats. Your claws dug into Atsushi's back, scratching at his skin, struggling to keep a steady hold. His hands had an iron grip on your waist, leaving little red marks in your soft skin.

"'Sushi- shit-" you groaned, tossing your head back onto the pillow, overwhelmed with pleasure. "Ah, so good!"

"Yeah? You—fuck—you like that, beautiful?" He breathed, his eyes locked on your gratified, fucked-out face.

"Please, more!" You managed to gasp in response. "Want more...!"

Atsushi's mouth made its way down your neck, leaving wet, open mouthed kisses and love bites all across your collarbones and shoulders. He focused especially on your sensitive areas, fangs grazing over your sweet spots before burying into your skin. You moaned and whimpered with each new marking he gave you, making his dick twitch inside of you.

"Mm, so fuckin' gorgeous, baby..." he muttered against your skin, "Gorgeous, and all mine, yeah?"

Usually Atsushi didn't talk like this, his tone being more gentle and less vulgar, but he simply couldn't help himself. Not as he watched the bites that he gave you blossom into pretty little hickeys, marks that indicated that you were his, and he was yours. He increased his speed.

"Yeah- ah- all yours, babe-" you were interrupted by another bite, which made you cry out in pain and pleasure. The combination of feelings felt amazing, and you found it getting increasingly harder to talk properly. You reached a hand up behind one of his tiger ears, dragging your claws over the area. You felt Atsushi's body tremble above you for barely a second before he hissed.

"Fuck, Atsushi, give it all to me," you moaned through his thrusts, "Gimme a whole litter, c'mon..."

It was as if something inside him snapped. It wasn't that he didn't like the idea, but rather that he might have liked it a little too much.

Before you knew it, your body was folded in half as Atsushi's cock prodded against your cervix, making you see stars. He was so deep, hitting all of the most pleasurable spots that nobody else would ever reach. His clawed hands pinned your ankles next to your head as he thrusted at an inhumane speed, courtesy of his ability. You couldn't contain your wails, barely able to form any coherent thoughts let alone speak.

"'Sushi-!" you babbled over and over in unison with the headboard slamming against the wall. Atsushi leaned down and took one of your nipples in his mouth, sucking on it. The pleasure was almost too much for your body to handle, and you could feel yourself getting close. "Right fucking there, yes...!"

"Gonna fill you up, baby," he lifted his head, his lips connected to your breast with a thin string of saliva. "Gonna fill you with my cubs, make us a family..."

You merely moaned in response, as you felt the coil in your lower stomach tightening further and further, until it finally snapped.

You didn't breathe for a moment as your orgasm washed over your entire being, your eyes rolling into the back of your head. You didn't think you'd ever felt so good before. From your cunt all the way to your fingertips and toes, the electric feeling rushed through you, making you writhe and gasp in pure satisfaction. Atsushi continued to relentlessly pound into you, and you could tell as you rode through your high that he was getting close too.

A few intense seconds passed by before he let out a guttural grunt and you felt his warm load shoot deep into you, painting your walls white. Your pussy fluttered around his cock, buried as far as it could fit, and he let out a raspy moan at the sensation.

"Ah, god, Y/N..." he whispered, as he slowly thrusted a couple more times, shooting out more cum before calming down from his own high. "Did so good f'me, baby..."

"Mmh..." Atsushi slowly helped you lower down your legs, but not before pressing a few sneaky kisses to your calves. He didn't pull out, not wanting his cum to spill out of your hole, but instead tilted his head back and let out a long sigh.

"Gonna stay inside, okay?" He asked, and you nodded. With the little strength you had left, you reached up and caressed his jaw with a sheepish smile.

"I'm sorry I made you leave work early."

"Hm?" He glanced down at you, taking your hand in his own. "Don't be- this was so worth leaving work for."

You chuckled at his words.

"Thanks, Atsushi, for this. I love you so much, you know that?"

With a smile, he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to your lips. His fingers softly brushed over your stomach.

"I love you too." Atsushi breathed, his voice lighter than air. Feeling his breath fan against your swollen lips, you cupped his cheeks in your hands.

"Do you..." you paused for a moment. "Do you actually think that it took, just now?" Atsushi raised an eyebrow at your question, before his lip curled up.

"I don't know. Maybe, just in case..." he cut himself off by kissing you again, and you then noticed his cock inside of you, hardening once more. You smiled into the kiss, knowing that the two of you were gonna be there for a while.

MDNI banner: @/benkeibear

Tagging: @gettinshiggywithit @pillow-princess-diaries

(Please shoot me an ask or a DM if you'd like to join my taglist!)

[slashyrogue]

It takes a ridiculously long time for Wade to realize he's pregnant.

Like, super fucking ridiculously.

Truth be told, he didn't know that getting pregnant was in the cards for him but when he did it was so anticlimactic that really understanding the gravity of the situation seemed like an afterthought.

Rewind a bit.

He should've known that getting kidnapped by the government would result in more than just waking up sore when Logan saved him only two days in but really he just wanted to be out of there.

The exhaustion - something that he rarely had with the regeneration and all that - made it easy to fall asleep on Wolvie's shoulder during the ride home but when he woke up all he did was want to be in Logan's pocket.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Wade just nuzzled his beard - which was just as fluffy as you'd think it was - and sighed. "Just wanna cuddle with my favorite kitty cat."

"Wade---"

"Pretty please?" he faked a cough, "I was tortured, Wolvie. Peanut, they cut things OUT I saw them."

Logan growled and the claws that had come out slid right back in. "Fine."

And so began Wade's "Week of Cuddles" which was AMAZING to say the least. Logan was NICE to him, and practically babied him better than anyone EVER had. It was like Christmas and Halloween AND his Birthday fucked and had a million babies.

100/10 would recommend.

The ice creams and chimichangas were never ending; the cuddles were abundant, and he even got to fall asleep on Logan's shoulder.

He secretly loved that one the best by the way but pretended he liked the ice cream the most.

The "Week of Cuddles" was followed by "The Week of Sleepovers" and he began "The Week of Chocolate" which was, in retrospect, a big mistake.

The minute Logan brought home the Choco-Tacos (after scouring for HOURS he found one lone store that had a back inventory that was....questionable) and he devoured it in seconds a new week began.

"The Week of Is Wade Dying Again?"

It was a terrible fucking week, mostly with vomiting but also horrible stomach pains, like something was clawing his insides and not in a fun way like the Honda Odyssey.

Logan kept telling him to "go to the damn doctor already" while increasingly seeming agitated and snarly which was cute because Wade pretended it meant he was worried about him.

He knew it was because he hated the smell of vomit with his kitty cat senses.

Obviously.

Althea finally called the X-Men because she was "sick of hearing him puke."

How did she know their number?

Apparently Colossus and here were friends or something he didn't know but when they showed up and Logan dragged him off he was toast.

And he puked twice more on the ride.

Beast then gave him the news.

"Wade, I....it seems you're pregnant."

Wade started to laugh, falling back on the hospital bed, and when no one joined him he was given the results.

Those government fuckers had somehow knocked him up.

How?

Well, it seemed that his body could adapt to anything, even a reproductive system that he shouldn't have.

Logan made Beast take the tests again, and even try to pinpoint who's kid they put inside him.

And....ding ding.

"Logan, I...." Beast said, his voice shaking, "I do believe it's yours."

Wade started laughing then, unable to stop, and Logan left the room.

What a fucking joke.

He grinned at Beast as tears filled his eyes. "Isn't anyone going to throw me a baby shower? I'm sure I'm gonna need some mittens to handle this one, am I right?"

No one laughed.

And Wade got up, still wearing just his heart shaped boxers, and went to put on his suit.

"You....Wade, you have options."

He paused, holding his suit in hand, and put a hand to his belly.

Did he?

It was goddamn selfish to see this through, he knew that, but the thought of NOT seeing it through made him immensely sad.

A once in a lifetime opportunity.

He was an incubator for potentially the next Marvel Jesus. "No," he said, shaking his head, "I don't." The team tried to talk him into staying but he didn't listen and walked outside to find Logan waiting on a motorcycle. "Did you bring that here for little ol' me, Peanut?"

Logan sighed. "Get on."

Wade did just that, holding him tight, and they took off toward fuck knew where.

All he knew was that he was carrying what might be his only offspring that was going to the most wanted mutant in the world once it was born.

Whatever government had done this would come back at the finish line.

But he had scary dog privilege who was currently driving him to his nest or whatever.

They might've thought it was a funny idea to see what would happen if they scrambled the offspring of two immortals and give them something to fight for.

Joke was on them.

There was no way that if there was a baby at the end of this mess that either of them wouldn't fight like hell.

Wade could hardly wait.

And hey, maybe this would turn out to be like one of those 90s sappy rom-coms where grumpy and the baby mama fell in love.

Ha.

Wouldn't that be something?

[freedomfireflies]

iFall for Harry pt. 7

Summary: The seventh part to iFall for Harry

Letting the stranger in your phone go is a lot harder than you anticipated.

Surely a drunken phone call will help with that.

Word Count: 2k

What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? 

Remorse Code.

…

I’m gonna assume you’re laughing. 

Like hysterical, uncontrollable laughter.

And while you attempt to keep from rolling on the floor…I want to say I’m sorry.

Again.

Because I am. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.

I know that was selfish. And sneaky. And I wasn’t trying to be. Not on purpose.

I just…I didn’t see any reason to change or ruin what we had.

And then we met. And I saw you. And everything and nothing made sense all at once.

And I thought I could explain.

I wanted to explain.

But I wasn’t sure how.

I guess I thought if we kept talking…the right answer would find me.

But it didn’t.

And then you left.

And I don’t know what to do.

I really don’t know what to do, Cheese Girl.

I miss you.

And I hope you talk to me soon.

You read every text as it comes in. You read, and you reread, and you try not to worsen the anxious pit deep in your stomach.

You didn’t expect this to be so hard. 

You don’t want this to be so fucking hard.

You met him. You met the stranger in your phone and for the most part, it was civil. 

You weren’t catfished. Hooray.

Not to mention, you met Harry Styles. Something that not everybody can say.

But you know better than to let it go any further than it already has. Because it can’t go any further. Your best option is to cut your losses and move on.

Leave this stranger behind.

Because that’s all he is. That’s all he’ll ever be.

A stranger.

You make peace with this thought and go about your life. You go to work, you go to yoga, you go to a bar with friends. You meet new people, and you try new recipes, and you start a new book.

You start a new chapter. Without him.

You try not to think about him. And for the most part, you don’t. He doesn’t reach out again and you assume he probably won’t ever. 

And you’re okay with that.

And then…you’ll hear his name. A friend will mention an outfit he wore at a recent concert or about rumors he’s working on his next album.

And that anxious coil in your stomach will return.

A part of you is still waiting for the other shoe to drop. To find out that this was all some sort of sick prank. For the moment cameras will be shoved into your face to capture your reaction to the news that you’ve been part of a James Corden skit. Or that he’ll be singing about the pathetic girl that had the nerve to believe him when he can do so much better.

But the thing you’re most afraid of…is the way you miss talking to him. The way you’ll pull up his name on your phone and type out a message…only to delete it before you get the nerve to send it.

The way you wish…you could go back to that diner and do it again.

It haunts you, this thought. This regret. More than it should. It eats away at all the work you’ve put in to leaving him behind. It follows you all day. Into the shower, into work, into the grocery store.

And it leads you directly to a bottle of wine.

You’re halfway through your third glass when you get the idea. When all common sense takes a flying leap out the window. And before your better judgment can kick in…you’ve opened up his contact information.

The ringing is loud. Maybe too loud and you grimace as you pull the phone away from your ear. You might be a little too drunk for this.

And then…the ringing stops.

And it all goes quiet.

Until—

“Hello?”

His voice is exactly like you remember. British. And deep. And just a bit raspy.

Perhaps if it were any other moment, you’d be tempted to feel nervous or flushed, but right now…you simply straighten up.

“Hello,” you repeat in a no-nonsense tone of voice. “It’s me. Cheese Girl.”

You think you hear him laugh. “Yeah, I know,” he says before pausing. “…hi.”

“Hi,” you echo before frowning and clearing your throat. “I just wanted to call and say…fuck you.”

A beat before he sighs. “Yeah.”

“Yeah.” You begin to pace around your apartment, hoping that the movement will help the words flow a bit faster. “Yeah, because you…you are a complete and total asshole. Did you know that?”

“…I did.”

“Good.” You nod. “And do you know why you’re a complete and total asshole?”

Another brief pause. “Because I lied to you.”

“Eh. Wrong.” You come to a stop. “Because you made me like you.”

Silence.

You carry on. “You made me like you…and then you took it away,” you tell him. “You made me like a complete and total stranger that I’d never met. That I knew nothing about. Just from some puns and your sexy-ass voice. You made me like you. Like…really like you. And then you just…you took it away.”

More silence before he finally murmurs, “Are you drunk?”

Your frown deepens. “No…yes. Maybe—look, that’s not the point. Everything I said is still true.”

He sighs. And it’s heavy. “I…shit, look I…I didn’t take it away. Okay, in fact the last thing I wanted was to end this, but you were the one who said we couldn’t continue.”

“Because we can’t,” you remind him. “Hello. You’re you. You’re so famous, you can’t even walk through the street without people flocking to you.”

“So?”

“So…there’s no room for me.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I know.”

“How?”

“How?”

“Yeah. How do you know?”

“Because I just do,” you huff. “There’s only room for models, and famous people, and tours, and all the fucking money you’re probably making. But there’s no room for me.”

“I’d make room.”

The confident remark makes your head spin, and you blink down at the floor.

The call goes quiet for a good minute or two. You wonder if he’s still there, but something tells you…he is.

“You can’t…say stuff like that,” you finally whisper.

“Why?”

“Because it’s not fair. And it’s not true. You can’t possibly make a promise like that.”

“Says who?”

“Says…everyone.” You slump down onto the armrest of your sofa and stare at your lap. “And even if you could…you shouldn’t. You don’t even know me.”

“I want to.”

“You don’t,” you correct. “You don’t want to know me. I’m not…I’m just me. I’m not exactly worth getting to know.”

You hear him scoff. “Well…that’s the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard.”

Your eyes narrow. “It’s true. I can’t give you what they can.”

“They who?”

“You know. The other people in your life.”

“What people?”

“The…people. The models and the mommy’s you’re so obsessed with.”

He snorts again. “Okay, well, that doesn’t even close to cover my type.”

“Oh, no? Tell that to literally every ex you’ve ever had.”

“Those weren’t all of my ex’s.”

“Please. Like you managed to date somebody that the press didn’t know about.”

“I have. Many times, actually.”

“Name one.”

“Well, that kind of defeats the whole purpose of dating them privately, don’t you think?”

“Maybe. But I’m not the press. And I’m not gonna tell.”

“Yeah? How do I know that?”

“Have I leaked anything yet?”

The call goes quiet again.

“No,” he admits after a minute. “And honestly...I was kind of disappointed when you didn’t.”

Your brows furrow. “What? Why?”

“Because it meant that you didn’t want anything from me,” he says softly. “It would have made sense if you’d just used this situation to…make some money or gain some publicity. It probably would have even been easier on me if that’s how it ended.”

You feel your heart sink.

“But…your silence meant that you didn’t care about that,” he continues. “It meant that I’d really hurt you. That this had been…real. That you’d rather cut me off altogether then make some sort of name for yourself.”

You swallow the odd lump in your throat as you slide down onto the couch cushions. “I never wanted to make money off of you.”

“I know,” he murmurs, somewhat sadly. “It just…would have been easier if you had.”

Your eyes flutter shut, and you will yourself to remain calm. “Harry?”

“…yeah?”

You suck in a quiet breath.

“I miss you.”

You hear him sigh before there’s a bit of static.

He doesn’t answer right away, and you wish more than anything that you knew what he was thinking.

“I miss you, too,” he finally says, and you don’t think you’ve ever heard him sound so dejected. “I really fucking miss you, and I’m so sorry that I ruined us.”

“You didn’t,” you whisper, in a voice so small, you’ll be surprised if he hears you. “You were always who you said you were. I know that. But…you and I don’t exist in the same universe. And I don’t think we ever can.”

“Why?” His question is both hopeful and forlorn. “Why not? I have tons of friendships and relationships the world never sees. This wouldn’t have to be any different—we wouldn’t have to be any different. We could still be us.”

Suddenly, your throat burns from the tears you know are coming. “Harry…”

“What? No, stop. We just…come on. We’ve…we’ve met one time. Okay, this is only the start. We still have so much to learn—”

“Harry—”

“No. No, stop…stop doing that. Stop deciding we can’t have a friendship. You haven’t even tried—”

“I can’t try. I can’t…I can’t do this again—”

“Do what? We haven’t even done anything—”

“I can’t lose you again.”

You hate how quiet he gets.

“It was really fucking hard to leave you,” you admit, and there’s a slight rasp to your voice as you fight back tears. “It was so hard to realize that everything I wanted for us was just…gone. That you were gone. That this…weirdly wonderful period of my life was just…over.”

He doesn’t speak yet and you know it’s because he’s waiting for you to finish.

“And if I…if I let myself do this again…and I lose you again…I don’t know what I’ll do.” 

“Then you won’t lose me,” he says, but your head shakes.

“You can’t promise that.”

A beat.

“I know,” he sighs before the sigh turns into a groan. “Fuck. I know, I…”

You wait, heart pounding.

You don’t know what you want him to say. You don’t know what he can say.

Maybe you just…wanted to hear his voice.

“Is this why you called me, then?” he asks. “Just to tell me you can’t talk to me?”

Yes. No. 

I don’t know.

“I called because…letting you go isn’t easy for me,” you say. “Even though it should be. Even though I still don’t know you. Because…I feel like I do. I feel like I know you and I feel like when you’re gone…there’s something…missing. And it hurts. And I hate it.”

“I know,” he whispers. “I feel it, too.”

You both fall silent.

The sound of his soft breaths is comforting.

It’s a sound you imagine you’ll remember the rest of your life.

“Let’s make a deal,” you say, stomach already churning at the thought. “We’re good at those.”

He offers a gentle chuckle. “Okay.”

“We stay on the phone for as long as we want tonight,” you explain. “But once we hang up…it’s over. For good. No more texts. No more late-night drunken calls. No regrets. We delete, we block…and we move on.”

He thinks about this. “Is that really what you want?”

“No.” Your eyes squeeze shut. “But it’s the only way I’ll be able to let you go.”

You hate that you can feel his disappointment.

“Okay,” he finally agrees. “Okay. Then I’m right here. Until you’re ready.”

You clutch the phone to your ear as a single tear rolls down your cheek.

So begins the end.

“Okay.”

Dedicated to @nof0odallowed for the original ask! 💞

Next Part:

~ iFall for Harry pt. 8

Previous Part:

~ iFall for Harry pt. 6

~ Full iFall for Harry Masterlist

~ Other Harry Blurbs

~ Full Masterlist

[letters-adressed-to-the-fire]

so this is why i think peter is the one looking in people's windows

A few days ago, I saw a swiftie on TikTok talking about how I look in people’s windows could be taken as the other perspective of the same story narrated in Peter, and I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. So, I decided to go in-depth and start a self-assigned quest to look for any clue that could interweave these two stories in a way that made sense.

I know this could sound a little absurd or could be taken as a stretch of some sort, but I believe, and I’m sure most of her fans would agree, that most of the beauty in Taylor’s writing comes from the countless different interpretations people bestow on her lyrics. I’m not asking you to take this analysis as absolute truth because I’m genuinely just having fun with it, and I hope you do too.

I’ll analyze “I look in people's windows” from Peter’s point of view and “peter” from the other character’s pov, whom we’ll call Wendy given the obvious parallelism to Peter Pan.

Well, the main and obvious connection is given by the “window” element. While Wendy is waiting for Peter by the window, Peter is looking for her from outside that window. If you look at this through very literal and rational eyes, I believe you’d think it doesn’t make sense that they were both looking for each other through the same window but never met again. So HERE is where I want to insert my interpretation.

There are two options I can think of that would explain the failed meeting. 

Peter intentionally avoided Wendy while still looking for her every day.

Every time they were looking for each other, it happened at different moments.

The first case presents a lot of questions, like, is the pledge to grow up what is stopping Peter because he knows he can’t do it? Or was he cruel enough to wait for Wendy to move on and then come back? Either way, the conclusion remains the same. In this scenario, Peter was a coward. If it was because he didn’t want to grow up, if it was because he just wanted Wendy to never move on, or if it was because he never gave her a real answer.

On the other hand, the second case talks about something that’s closer to a tragedy. They were always doomed by the narrative. While Wendy was waiting for him, Peter was looking for her, but Wendy never saw him—not when she waited or when Peter was looking for her. We would need to assume some things here tho. Either it all comes back to the first option and Peter had been avoiding her the entire time, or he thought she had already forgotten about him. The first option shows us, once again, that Peter is a coward, but the second one also tells us something important: he may be too scared to grow up, but he’s not selfish enough to stop her from moving on.

“Northbound I got carried away As you boarded your train South, south, south, south, south, south A feather taken by the wind blowing I'm afflicted by the not knowing so”

Based on this verse, we can design a new theory. He watched her leave and he was aching for her to come back to him. So he started looking for her in other people’s windows, wondering if one of them was gonna be her. Even when he had already said goodbye to her.

And here’s where another verse of peter will acquire significance:

“I thought it was just goodbye for now”

With both songs in mind, it sounds like he said goodbye to her, hoping they were gonna see each other again, but he also knew he had to let her go at the time and that he was condemned to miss her. But what Peter didn’t know was that Wendy was gonna go through the same thing, but she wouldn’t have the comfort of knowing what he did (wait for her).

“promises oceans deep, but never to keep”

This is why we get two completely different endings for both songs. While Peter is still addicted to the what-ifs, Wendy has turned off the light; the fantasies have expired for her. Wendy grew up; Peter didn’t. While I look in people's windows gives you the feeling of being running from house to house in a neighborhood you don’t recognize anymore, trying to fit into a routine you were used to in the past; peter reads like the last chapter of a book you’ll never touch again.

[anangelwhodidntfall]

what about tsu'tey and human!reader where she hadn't gotten hurt while in her avatar, so she can't use her avatar?? And they find out they have to grow her a new one, and she worries that Tsu'tey will leave her or not be with her since it takes so long to grow an avatar?

You & Me Forever: Tsu'tey

"Y/n, unfortunately, we have to grow you a new avatar, because the nerve damage was so bad on your last one. This is a new one and could take up to six years to grow depending on genetics and everything." Max said as you felt your world come crashing down. 

"Thanks, guys." You said quietly leaving needing some time to be with your thoughts. 

You had made your way through the forest as the tears softly fell down your face, you made your way back to high camp and towards yours and Tsu'tey's shared tent. You ignored the calls from Jake and Neytiri and slammed the door shut leaving them confused as to what was wrong with you, you walked over to the bed and laid down covering yourself up as you cried to yourself quietly.

You would never be able to fully mate with Tsu'tey, have his kids like you guys planned on, never tame an ikran, or ever be one of the people and once Tsu'tey finds out he would surely leave you for some na'vi girl who can actually provide these things for him. 

Tsu'tey was happy after today's hunt ended earlier than expected, carrying a bouquet of your favorite flowers he made his way towards the camp, excited to see you. He walked into the hut and saw your sleeping form on the bed making him smile, as he walked over to you and took a seat next to you. 

"Hey, yawne, it's time to wake up." He said pressing a kiss on your forehead as you stirred. 

"Come on yawne, you need to wake up."  He said as he watched you open your eyes and blink a few times and that's when he noticed you had been crying. 

"Hey, Ma Tsu'tey." You said sitting up and looking at him. 

"Why were you crying yawne, did someone do something to you?" He asked concerned as you sighed leaning your head on his shoulder. 

"No. I spoke with Norm and Max about my avatar and I got some bad news is all." You said as Tsu'tey reached for your hand. 

"What kind of bad news?" He asked you. 

"That they have to grow me a new avatar which could take up to six years to do so...which means I'll never be able to properly mate with you, have your kids, tame an ikran or anything for six years...it just sucks and I totally understand if you want.." You started to say but the scowl on his face stopped you. 

"Don't you dare say what I think you are gonna say." He said looking at you.

"It's not that I want to say them, but I also know how important starting a family is to you and to be able to mate with someone. It would be selfish of me to try and keep you from that." You said as the tears streamed down your face. 

"I do but you are the only one I see when I picture those things. Y/n I don't care if I have to wait six years or six million, you are the only one I want human or na'vi." He said as he gently rocked your guys back and forth in his arms.

"I'm sorry for overreacting." You said quietly. 

"You aren't overacting my y/n, you had a natural response to that news but I want you to know that six years or if it never happens then we could always look at other options. I promise it's you and me forever." He said looking at you while he dried your tears. 

"You and me forever, I love  you ma Tsu'tey." You said placing a kiss on his lips. 

"I love you ma y/n, in fact, I had gotten you these on my way back from today's hunt." He said handing you the bouquet of flowers. 

"Oh, Tsu'tey they're so beautiful." You said looking at him with a huge smile.

"There's that beautiful smile I love so much." He said smiling at you as he placed a kiss on your lips. 

[xoxoavenger]

Make It Out

pairing: Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader, bestfriend!Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

summary: They’re gonna take down Vecna this time. But before they do, Y/N has to chose between going with her best friend Eddie or her boyfriend Steve, and she has to live with the fact that not all of them will make it out alive.

word count: 7956

warnings: follows the events of ST4 finale so major character death and canon typical injuries, gun shot wound, lotsa blood, lotsa angst with some fluff

masterlist

"I'll understand if you want to go with Eddie." Steve said, keeping his gaze on the road in a way that meant he 100% wanted her to stay with him.

"How're your bites?" Y/N asked, casually deflecting the conversation. He had finally been able to put on a shirt and get some shoes, but Y/N knew that there was still a lot of blood underneath. Blood she had wanted to clean, to take care of his wounds, but there just hadn't been time.

Also, Steve hadn't allowed her to even look at them.

"Oh, just great. Ya know, I wanted to lose weight anyway." Steve joked, but Y/N didn't think it was funny that the demobats had literally ate at his flesh.

"We should go to the hospital." She said for the billionth time. She'd been trying to get Steve to go to the hospital ever since they got back.

"Y/N," Steve sighed and didn't finish his sentence, lifting one of his hands off the wheel to rub his forehead. He didn't have time to go to the hospital. Max was going to die, and if Max died then a lot of other people were also going to die and Steve wasn't going to waste precious time sitting in the ER for a couple stitches.

"I'm serious, Steve!" She lowered her voice as Eddie and Dustin looked up, realizing the couple was fighting. "I know you want to be the hero, but for once, can you please look after yourself?" She begged, sadness lacing her words as her throat constricted at all the memories of Steve being beat up. The newest one, the image of Steve being feasted on by bats, made her heart hurt every time she closed her eyes - it was as if the scene were painted onto her eyelids.

"Is that why you won't go with Eddie?" Steve asked, and Y/N let the silence draw out as her answer.

She would never admit that she wanted to go with Steve to stop him from sacrificing himself, but in that moment he knew that's exactly what she was thinking. Robin and Nancy were good friends, but Y/N was the only one who could stop him from giving his life on a whim - which scared him, because Steve, if he was honest, was the hero type. He took the beatings to keep his friends safe. From the moment that he was thrown into this mess, he knew that he would do anything to protect his friends from these creatures that just would not stop.

Unless, of course, Y/N was there with him. That may make him hesitate - or it may make him more reckless. It would throw off his game, make him second guess moves just to keep her extra safe, because if she died and he didn't he would never forgive himself.

However, he knew of one other person who felt the same way about Y/N - just without the romantic part. Steve knew that her idiot best friend, Eddie Munson, would protect her and Dustin, no matter what the 'freak' claimed. And when it came to Y/N, Steve was selfish. He needed her safe.

"You're going with Eddie." Steve repeated, but this time, it wasn't a suggestion or a question. It was final. And although just a minute ago he wanted her to go with him, they had both realized that she would see right through him if he was going to sacrifice himself.

"Uh, no." Y/N scoffed, not realizing she was getting louder. "I will go with whoever I chose." She crossed her arms, fire filling her head. How dare Steve think he could make that choice for her.

"You're going with Eddie or you're babysitting Erica. Those are your two options." Steve said as he pulled over in a field.

"Hey!" Erica yelled from the back, only hearing the last part of their conversation. At this point, everyone was shamelessly listening.

"You are not my keeper, Steve." Y/N was practically seething at this point. She was angry that Steve didn't want her to tag along, especially if it was the end of the world. She stood up, knowing that if she stayed in the van any longer she would probably begin to cry tears of frustration, and that was the last thing she wanted.

"Y/N!" Steve called as she opened the door and walked out, glad that she was able to make it a couple steps before the tears started really falling. They weren't all the way up the hill, so she trudged the rest of the way to sit at the top with her back facing the van. They could leave and she would only be able to turn and watch.

She sat there for awhile, letting her tears flow. Part of her liked this, being alone, but part of her wanted to be with Steve. Chances were, someone is gonna die, and even in the unlikely event no one does, they could still fail and the world could end. She heard footsteps, and she wiped her tears, not knowing who was coming up on her.

"Y/N," At Max's voice, Y/N instantly felt regret creep up her spine. Here she was, crying on a hill, when Max had one foot in the grave. "Can I sit here?" Max stood next to her, and she nodded, watching the younger girl take a seat.

"How're you holding up?" Y/N asked, trying to keep her voice from cracking.

"As good as you can expect when an evil demon is trying to take over your brain and kill you." Max shrugged with a light smile, and Y/N's heart tugged. Max was so young, she didn't deserve this.

"So, great, I'd imagine." Y/N joked, smiling when Max let out a small chuckle.

"Listen, I-I didn't want to say anything in the van, but," Max began picking the grass, not looking at Y/N. "I want you to come with Lucas and I to the house." Max finally looked up, and Y/N's heart completely broke. She looked scared out of her mind, and Y/N swore that if she somehow ever found Vecna herself, he wouldn't be making it much longer than a couple minutes.

"Max," Y/N wanted to reach out, but with Max's arms around her knees it was hard to figure out a good place.

"Steve didn't send me to ask, if that's what you're thinking." Max quickly rushed out, and Y/N gave a sad smile. Steve wouldn't send anyone to talk to her for him, he'd do it himself. "I just, I want someone there, who knows what they're doing." Max looked up at Y/N, who had furrowed brows. Why did Max think Y/N knew what she was doing?

"I'm not sure I follow," Y/N led off, voicing her thoughts.

"Well, you can drive us to the house, which will help. And Lucas is great, and I want him there still. But I need someone else there, someone to comfort me when I come out, someone who will stay calm." Max looked away before taking a deep breath. "And if I don't make it, I want someone there to comfort Lucas - not just his sister."

"Max," This time, Y/N felt dread as well as sadness flood through her. She remembered what it was like to be Max's age - she had a huge crush on Steve, but she obviously couldn't tell her best friend Eddie, who would have never approved at the time. Eddie wouldn't find out about her crush until three years later, when she let it slip that she had made out with Steve at Melissa's party. And even though Eddie didn't approve and he wasn't pleased, he let Y/N and Steve have their fun, ready to pick up the pieces if it ever failed.

There were some nights when Eddie was sure they were over, some nights when he thought about going to Steve's house and smashing a glass over his head to try and make him understand that Y/N wasn't the kind of girl you played with. But nevertheless, Y/N and Steve were still together, her and Eddie were still best friends, and Eddie had never hurt Steve (even if he had thought about it multiple times).

But that was the biggest thing she had to deal with. And now - now the biggest thing should have been college. She should be across the country right now at a nice university. But she couldn't leave Steve and Eddie, especially after they found out what was going on in Hawkins.

"Of course I will be there for you." Y/N scooted closer and put a comforting hand on Max's shoulder. "I will be there for you every time you ask me, whether it's something like this or if it's because you can't find a tampon and you don't want to bike to the store." She smiled when Max grinned, looking up and leaning closer. "Hell, after all this, you can move in with Steve and I." Y/N felt her hurt burst at Max's face.

"Really?" Max asked, half joking and half being serious.

"Yeah, totally." Y/N turned, finally looking at the group. Most of them were behind the van, obscured from view, but Steve was on the edge of everything, arms crossed and body faced so that he could keep an eye on Y/N and Max as well as the rest of the group. Y/N felt her heart float as she looked at the man, letting her hand drop as Max turned.

"What do you think Steve will say?" Max asked, a small smile on her face as she thought about living with the people who had filled in for her in the way her family never had.

"Oh, he'll agree." Y/N nodded, watching Steve turn and look at them even if he couldn't hear them. "We just need to convince him."

~

"I'm a little mad you're not coming with me." Eddie said, all geared up. They were about to leave, just saying their final goodbyes.

"If I went into the Upside Down, how could Steve be the hero?" Y/N joked, trying to take the edge off of their somber goodbye.

"Yeah," Eddie chuckled, looking around as Lucas and Max said their goodbyes. "I guess I'll just have to play the hero. For Dustin, of course." He smiled, and Y/N tried to smile too. It was watery, and tears were quickly spilling out of her eyes, even though she wasn't blinking.

"Please don't try and be a hero, Eddie." Y/N whispered, looking up at her best friend. He sighed as he met her gaze, tears in his eyes that he would never shed. She knew she was being selfish, but she didn't care in that moment. If Eddie or Steve died while she was sitting around, she would never be able to forgive herself.

"Come on, Y/N. I've been running from things since 1966. Do you really think I'm gonna stop now?" He put his arm around her and pulled her into a hug, where she cried into his shoulder. "Besides, someone's gotta keep your boyfriend safe while he's doing the heroic shit." Y/N let out a little laugh, mostly just to make Eddie feel better. Her stomach was torn with sadness and dread, and she wanted to go back to a couple days ago when her, Eddie, and Steve had all gotten high. They weren't worrying about crazy demons then, and she didn't want to worry about crazy demons now. She wanted to go home.

"Promise me you'll come back." Y/N whispered, pulling away from the hug to look at him.

"Of course," Eddie squeezed her once more before looking over at Steve, who was staring at Y/N. "I think you should probably say goodbye to your boyfriend now." Y/N let go of Eddie and turned to see Steve, who gave her a small smile. Just the thought of losing Steve, of having to say goodbye to him, made Y/N cry even harder.

Steve must've seen when she thought about it, about the fact that they were really saying goodbye, and instantly rushed over to her, pulling her into his arms. He held her tightly, squeezing his own eyes shut in an attempt to stop the tears.

"It's not really a goodbye," He whispered to her, pressing a kiss to the side of her head so that he didn't have to remove her from his arms at all. "I'll see you in a couple hours." He sounded so sure, so calm, that it made Y/N breathe better.

"You better." She muttered out, pulling back only enough to be able to look at him.

"I'll even be able to hear you, in the Upside Down. I'll be keeping an eye out for you." He moved one hand to cup her face, the other staying put around her waist. She moved both of her hands to the sides of his neck, eyes welling with tears once more.

"But who's going to look out for you?" She whispered this part, speaking softly so that Nancy and Robin didn't hear. It's not like she didn't trust them to take care of Steve, but she knew that Steve would sneak himself to be in harms way before either of them even knew he was in danger. And by the time they figured it out, Steve could already be dead.

"I'm going to be fine, sweetheart." Steve was starting to choke up, so his voice was soft and high pitched as he moved the hand on her face to push her hair back. "Do you hear me? I'm going to come back to you." He didn't let her respond, instead kissing her like he would never see her again.

Because maybe it was the last kiss he would have, the last one he would share with her.

"I'm coming back." He whispered as he pulled apart. He knew his face was wet from her tears, because his tears were trapped. He wouldn't let her see him cry.

So, he gave her one more kiss, one last squeeze, one last 'I love you,' and then watched her turn around. She was taking his car to drive Lucas, Erica and Max to the mansion, and as she pulled out Steve wanted to tell her to stop, to go home so that she was safe.

She would never listen anyway.

~

Out of all the bad ideas they'd ever had, this was probably the worst. But, it was the only way to stop Vecna, the only way to save Hawkins - because apparently that fell on them now.

Y/N had heard the car pull up, and she immediately looked out the window. Erica was no longer at the lookout, and she realized quickly that it was Jason Carver's car.

Fuck.

"Lucas, you stay here, okay?" Y/N said, rushing to the door. It was too late, however, because Jason was walking in anyway.

"Jason?" Lucas asked, obviously confused as to why his teammate was stalking him.

"Leave. Right now." Y/N stood in front of Lucas, making it so that if Jason wanted to get past her he would have to physically harm her.

"Well, if it isn't King Steve's little pet." Jason spat out, trying to get into Y/N's head. She simply crossed her arms, still staring at the blonde man. "Or has the freak possessed you now?" That made Y/N pissed. The fact that Eddie was risking his life for a town that would never respect him made her blood boil.

"Jason, I would rather be actually possessed than spend another second in your presence." Y/N tilted her head, taking a deep breath and knowing this wouldn't end well. "So, you can either leave, or you can feel what it's like to be punched by a girl." Her smile was deadly, but as Jason glanced over her shoulder at Max, he had made up his mind.

"I'm not letting you freaks kill someone else." Jason began to move past her, so Y/N swung the best she could at his face, catching him off guard.

Not too off guard, however, because it only took a second for him to recover and pull out a gun.

"Hey!" Lucas yelled as Y/N lifted her hands, backing up. She looked over at Max, who was still in a trance, and then back at Jason, who was unwavering.

"Jason," Y/N muttered, her legs feeling numb from shock. Her heart was pounding.

"Wait, wait, wait," Lucas whispered under his breath before getting louder. "You don't have to do this. You don't have to do this, man." They were now side by side, hands up and keeping an eye on the gun.

"Yeah, I hope you're right." Jason told them.

"Wait," Y/N spoke out of breath, heart racing. She thought about if Steve could hear what was going on, if he was in the house. She hoped he wasn't, that he wouldn't hear if she was shot.

"Is there anyone else in the house?" Jason asked, stepping forward.

"No, no." Lucas shook his head in tandem with Y/N, who was afraid she was going to pass out from stress at this point.

"Turn around." Jason motioned with the gun, and Y/N shut her eyes tightly.

"What?" Lucas muttered, setting Jason off.

"Turn around!" He yelled, and Y/N quickly did as he said, eyes still closed.

"Okay, okay. Relax, relax." It was obvious that Lucas was just as stressed as Y/N was, and he turned around slowly.

"And put down your flashlight." Jason ordered loudly. Y/N did as she was told, tears beginning to fall out of her eyes.

"Steve, I don't know if you can hear me, or if you're here," Y/N started off. She had never been this afraid for her life - of all the things going on in Hawkins, all the messed up supernatural shit, she was going to be killed by a teenager with a gun. "But, if you are, I want you to know I love you." She was whispering, hoping Jason couldn't hear her.

"Stop muttering and empty your pockets!" Jason yelled, and Y/N reached into her empty ones, turning them inside out to show they weren't full. Random shit fell out of Lucas', and when Y/N spared a glance at him she saw he was shaking. "Now, here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna back away to the top of the stairs there. Then I'll watch as you wake her up from whatever the hell this is." Jason ordered, and Y/N just shook her head.

"We can't." She said, trying to keep her voice from shaking or breaking. Lucas turned around to face Jason, and Y/N risked the same.

"Jason, if we wake her too soon, we all die." Lucas was speaking as if Jason was a child, but the blonde still wasn't understanding. The gun was still pointed toward them, and they were still without a plan.

"No. If you don't wake her up right now, you die, Sinclair." Jason threatened, his gun solely on Lucas now. Jason pulled the safety off, and Y/N felt her heart leap to her throat.

That's when the stupid idea popped into her head. And boy, was it stupid.

"I'm sorry, Steve." She whispered, just in case he was there. Because if she made it through this, if Steve heard what she was about to do, she would be waking up with his nightmares for awhile.

And then she dove at Jason.

She had crouched down a bit, so his first shot went over her head. However, she wasn't as close as she needed to be, and his second shot skimmed the far side of her left leg. She groaned, but still went to hit him, able to knock the gun out of his hand. Jason took the time to hit her, not holding back. His punch hit right on her cheekbone and temple, and she felt herself already begin to be dizzy. One hit wasn't enough, however, because he hit her again, in the same spot, and that knocked her out cold.

~

When she woke up, there was extreme pain in her leg and Lucas was screaming. She was still pretty out of it, but in a couple seconds she could also see Erica in front of her face.

"Y/N?" Her voice was swimming around her head, as if they were all emerged under water. "Steve is coming, he knows you're hurt." Erica was holding Y/N's head gently, since the left side was a giant bruise. She could feel her eye almost swollen shut, and her skull ached immediately.

"Steve?" Y/N asked, hearing an ambulance in the background. If Steve was on his way, and Erica was in here with them, that meant that it was over. "Did we win?" She asked hopefully. She couldn't see Erica's face very well, but she knew the silence and the small sniffles weren't a good sign.

Suddenly, it made sense that Lucas was crying.

"Shit," Y/N tried to sit up, but it felt like her body was light and her head was heavy. Her wrist was aching, but not as much as her leg. She had to look down to remember that she had been shot, and she couldn't get up. All she could see was the fuzzy outline of Lucas holding Max's body.

"Do you hear that?" Erica muttered, looking around. Y/N tried to focus on staying alert, listening as best she could. She heard the ambulance outside, but nothing else. It didn't take long before she heard the ground split, however - well , felt it at least. She turned to see Lucas moving Max away and watched the ground fall beneath them. She watched as it split Jason in half, and it made her heart race. They had officially lost.

She felt her heart fall all the way to the Upside Down when she realized that Steve and Eddie weren't back.

"We have to go," Y/N grunted as she looked out the opening the wall, watching the crack continue to grow and destroy everything in it's path. She looked down to see the ambulance, broken apart, so it would be of no help to them.

"We can't go!" Lucas yelled, voice breaking. "Max, she's alive!" He begged, and Y/N felt tears come to her eyes.

"Lucas," She started quietly, pausing to wince as pain throbbed once more through her leg. She needed to get pressure on it now, or she wasn't going to make it. "If Max was alive, there wouldn't be a giant tear in the ground." Y/N wanted to curl up in Steve's arms and get high with Eddie and never ever thing about this again.

"She's not! You can feel her pulse!" Lucas argued, and Y/N sighed, eyes closing tightly. It hurt slightly due to the fact that her left eye was already swelling, but it took away from the pain in her leg just a little.

"We need to go, Lucas!" Erica said, and Y/N could hear the pain Erica was trying to hide.

"Erica, you have to help me." Y/N muttered, shedding her long sleeve shirt and leaving her in a camisole. She felt her wet skin, sweat, but she was cold - she knew this was a bad sign. "I need you to tie this as tight as you can around my leg." She fastened the shirt so that the thick part was around her wound. The pain of the fabric bruising against the open wound made her almost pass out, and she fell backwards slightly.

"Why?" Erica asked with a shaky breath, hands going to grab the sleeves of the discarded shirt.

"I can't do it," Y/N whispered as if that would explain everything, leaning back and taking a deep breath. "We don't have anything to gag me with, so I'm gonna scream. But you have to keep going, alright? We have to stop the bleeding." Erica looked scared out of her mind, and Y/N would have felt bad if she wasn't bleeding out.

God, she hoped she wasn't going to bleed out.

~

Meanwhile, Steve was biking as quickly as he could to Eddie's trailer, tears in his eyes. Erica had told him that Max was dead and Y/N had been shot before Jason knocked her out. Their plan didn't work, and now the only thing left to do was hold Y/N while the world ended.

"Steve!" Dustin's voice made Steve's heart drop, because why wasn't the kid in the trailer? What the hell was wrong with him and why didn't he listen? The group pulled off to where Dustin was yelling from, realizing too late why Dustin was on the ground.

"Oh God." Robin said softly behind him. For a moment, Steve wasn't sure what to do. It was obvious that Eddie was dead, that they couldn't help him. Eddie, the guy he thought was a freak in high school but had since become close friends with. His girlfriend's best friend. Dead.

Steve didn't think before he began biking again, feeling tears sting his eyes and his lungs practically collapsing. If he stopped, he was going to throw up, and he needed to get to Y/N, make sure she was okay.

"Steve, what are you doing?" Nancy asked, voice cracking as she dropped her bike. Steve dropped his bike, running up stairs, opening the gate and going into the trailer.

"Steve, we have to go back and help Dustin." Robin said as the girls followed him into trailer. Steve looked at the spot where the sheets used to be; their ticket out of there, gone.

"Where the hell are the sheets?" He asked, looking around. He found half of the sheets thrown on the ground and grabbed them, hoping they'd be long enough.

"Are you listening? We have to go help Dustin." Nancy went to grab his arm, and he just pushed her away.

"Help him what, Nance? We can't do anything for Eddie. My girlfriend is dying on the other side, and I need to help her." Steve's voice was cracking, his throat hurting on the inside and out. He quickly threw the short rope up, and realized it would only stick out a bit on the other side. He would have to jump down and somehow avoid the chair that was also sitting in the landing area.

"Help him bring back Eddie's body." Robin argued as Steve jumped up, beginning to climb.

"How?" Steve grunted as he pulled himself up, trying to ignore the aching throughout his whole body. His shoulders still stung every time he moved his arms, but his adrenaline was high. He had one mission. "How are we gonna get his body out of the Upside Down and then explain to everyone how he died?" Steve flipped over to the other side, trying to avoid the chair. He let out a grunt as he hit it against his knee before moving it out of the way and replacing it with a mattress for the girls.

"Steve! Seriously?" They yelled up to him. Part of Steve knew that they were right, that they shouldn't leave Eddie and Dustin and they had already lost, so there was no need to return to the real world any time soon. However, his rational thought was being taken over by the fact that his girlfriend was dying and if she survived, he would have to tell her that her best friend is dead.

"I have to check on Y/N." He said before taking off.

"Why did he leave?" Dustin cried out as he ran into the trailer.

"Y/N was shot. Erica said she was knocked out, that she got into a fight with Jason and he clocked her after he shot her leg." Robin said, her voice high and tight as she filled Dustin in.

"Shit," Dustin put his hands over his eyes, and the older girls could tell he was crying.

"I know you want to bring Eddie back, but Y/N really needs our help." Nancy said, also feeling torn. She knew that Eddie deserved to be taken out of the Upside Down, but Y/N was alone with Lucas and Erica and neither of them could take her to the hospital.

"We can't let her die too," The way Robin said it made Dustin let out a sob, and the girls felt their hearts break for him.

Nancy and Robin helped Dustin up the rope, then followed him so that they were all together.

"What is he doing?" Nancy asked as they walked out of the trailer, watching Steve run around.

"Steve!" Robin yelled out, going to help her best friend. Steve acted like he didn't hear Robin - maybe he didn't - and continued to look around. "Steve, what are you doing?" Their escape plan had been the bikes leaning against Eddie's trailer, but Steve seemed to be looking around.

"We need a car," His voice was so low that Robin could barely hear him, and she just shook her head.

"We don't have a car." She reminded him gently, but he sighed and finally stopped, looking at her. She realized in the dim light that he was crying, his face red and eyes puffy. "We have the bikes. We need to go try and meet them at the mansion. Then we'll have your car." Robin was trying not to cry, because she had to be strong for her best friend. She was sure as he stared at her that he was going to have a meltdown.

"Yes. The bikes." Steve nodded, going to the bikes where Dustin and Nancy were already picking up theirs.

"We're gonna get there. She's gonna make it." Nancy tried to soothe Steve, but he wasn't listening. He just grabbed his bike and began to go quickly, leaving the rest of them to catch up.

~

"Okay," Erica grabbed the sleeves of Y/N's thing sweater she had taken off, pulling tight as she crossed them to tie it around the older girl's thigh. Y/N let out a whimper, gritting her teeth in pain. Tears were falling down her cheeks as Erica tied the sleeves as tight as she could, and Y/N finally let out a scream, fingers scratching the wood floor as she tried to grab onto something.

"Fuck!" Y/N yelled out, head tossed back and eyes closed in pain.

"I'm so sorry," Erica was crying now too, trying not to pay attention to the fact that Y/N was screaming in pain and Lucas holding Max's body, still crying.

"It's okay," Y/N whimpered as Erica had finally finished. Her leg felt like it was on fire, her thigh under the wound was practically numb. She could feel the blood everywhere, and even if she couldn't the black spots and floaty feeling gave her an idea of how much blood she had lost and how much pain she was in. "We need to go," She finally said, opening her eyes and looking at everyone.

"How? Where are you gonna go?" Lucas asked, and when Y/N turned she realized he was right, Max was breathing even if her eyes were bleeding and her limbs were broken. Holy shit.

"You and Erica are going to carry Max down to Steve's car. Then we'll drive to the hospital." She said it as simply as if she were going to take them to the movies. The only difference was the breaking in her voice from the pain and screams.

"Who's gonna drive us?" Erica asked, confused about how this plan was going to work.

"Luckily," Y/N took a deep breath before getting up on her own, letting out a few whimpers as she did so. She made sure to keep her weight off her leg as she stood, but now that she was up the pain seemed to be radiating all the way up her leg. She grimaced and squeezed her eyes shut, fingers clenching so hard that her nails were causing divots. "You don't need two feet to drive," She tried to smile at the kids, because this was traumatizing and she was not going to pass out and potentially die in front of these kids.

And thus, her adrenaline kicked in.

There was no other way to describe it, the way she was able to walk down the stairs and make it all the way to Steve's car, only using the railing and a couple walls for help. She limped heavily, tears falling down her cheeks because even though she was hopped up on her adrenaline, the pain was still almost too much to bear. She was surprised to make it to the car, unlocking the doors quickly to let Lucas and Erica into the back with Max. She lowered herself into the drivers seat as quickly as possible, which was slow. Once she was sitting down, her leg seemed to kick up in pain, and she hit her head against the the seat header, biting her lip to try and keep from screaming. The pain in her face was minuscule compared to the way her entire leg was practically on fire now. The only reason she hadn't given up was that she had to get the kids to safety, and then she would see Eddie and Steve. Hopefully.

"Okay," She muttered to herself, trying to keep her eyes open as wide as she could. She put the car in drive and quickly pulled out and onto the road, trying not to move her affected leg much. She was glad it was her left leg, the one she didn't drive with, because then she wasn't sure what would happen.

"Y/N," Erica was right next to her, and when Y/N jolted she realized that she was falling out of consciousness while driving. Shit.

"I'm not gonna make it to the hospital," She muttered, braking and putting the car back into park. Her head felt so heavy, heavier than it had ever been, and she realized she was swaying as the pain was seeping out. She wasn't sure if her eyelids were closing or if black dots were enveloping her, but she knew she wasn't gonna last long. She had started shivering at some point, even though the heater was on in Steve's car.

Oh God, she was going to die in Steve's car.

"No, please, Y/N, just stay with us." Erica grabbed Y/N's shoulder, shaking when Y/N's eyes slipped close. They opened slowly, her head rolling against the seat and facing Erica.

"I'm sorry," She whispered, because she was. She just wanted to get the kids to safety. She hadn't been able to protect Max like she promised, but she wanted to at least get the younger girl to a hospital, give her a chance. She was just so exhausted, and her body was so heavy, and she had been trying to be alright for too long. She was fading fast, and unless somehow Erica and Lucas could get her to the hospital soon she knew she was a goner.

"They'll be here soon, Y/N, I promise, just, please don't go to sleep." Erica was begging, something she never did, which was how Y/N knew it was bad. She looked down to see her makeshift bandage almost soaked completely with blood, a terrible sign.

"You have to tell Steve I love him," Y/N's voice was weak, and it scared Lucas and Erica.

"Y/N, you have to get us to hospital!" Lucas pleaded, tears still in his eyes. He felt like he had been crying for years at this point, his throat hurting and his chest feeling tight.

"I'm sorry," Y/N whispered, eyes closing again. She was sure she was never going to open them again when Erica yelled out.

"They're here!" And then she put her hand on the horn, letting out a loud honk. Y/N didn't startle as much as open her eyes slightly once more. She was able to make out her friends across the street, running toward her and ditching the bikes they had stolen.

"Steve," Y/N muttered out, a smile on her face. At least she would see Steve before she died.

"Oh, fuck," Steve said as soon as he opened the driver door to see his girlfriend, sweat coating her body and bleeding out in his front seat. She was pale and shivering, and Steve wasn't even sure what to do. She had a large bruise on her face, and he could tell that her left eye would be almost swollen shut even if she was able to open it all the way now.

"Shit," Robin said from behind him, seeing the blood soaked shirt and the state Y/N was in.

"We have to get to the hospital!" Lucas yelled from the backseat, everyone turning to him.

"Okay, princess," Steve said softly as he assessed her. Her wound was on his side, and picking her up was going to cause her pain. He didn't know how else to get her to the very back however. "Robin, open the back. Nance, you'll drive." The girls both nodded, Robin rushing back to open the trunk.

"I got blood on your seat." Y/N muttered as Steve pushed her hair back, sweat making it stick to her forehead.

"I could not give less of a fuck," Steve told her, kissing her burning forehead before taking a deep breath. "This is gonna hurt, babe, alright? But we have to get you into the back." Y/N nodded at his words, not really hearing them anyway. He carefully put his arms around her before picking her up, and she let out a scream as he put more pressure on her wound. Steve felt more tears leave his eyes at the scream, and he quickly got her into the back of his car, letting Nancy take the drivers seat. Dustin sat in the front seat, having not said a word the whole time, and Robin got in the back after Steve. Robin closed the back as Nancy stepped on the gas, clearly sensing the urgency. Steve maneuvered him and Y/N so that she was laying on him, her back to his chest, and he was able to hold her close.

"Steve," Robin muttered, eyes wide even though they were swollen with tears from the whole of the last hour. "She's not awake." She motioned her head toward Y/N, and when Steve leaned around her, he noticed her eyes were completely closed. His heart dropped and he felt sick to his stomach as he tried to shake her awake, watching her chest rise and fall slowly.

"Y/N, please," He whispered to her, a couple tears falling and landing on her skin, dampening it even more. The relief he felt when Y/N grumbled and moved slightly was immeasurable, and he brought her even closer. "Please stay awake. I just need you to keep your eyes open," He begged, heart seizing as she moved a little bit more.

"Steve," She whispered, her head leaning back so she could look at him. "I don't wanna die," She begged, tears falling down her cheeks. Steve felt violently ill at her confession. His eyes were burning with unshed tears and his throat, where he had been choked twice in the past day, was also burning with the weight of keeping himself together.

"You're not going to die," He didn't know how far away they were from the hospital, but he knew they had to be getting close. "I won't let you die." He moved one hand to push her hair back on the side where she wasn't all beat up, kissing her damp skin.

"Where's Eddie?" She muttered, and Steve felt his body go cold.

He couldn't tell her that her best friend was dead, not while she as dying herself. He was afraid that telling her would make her give up, that he wasn't good enough on his own. Eddie and her had been friends for longer than Steve can remember, and if he had a friend like that he wouldn't feel great either. She was barely conscious, and Steve could only hope she wouldn't remember asking.

"We're here!" Nancy yelled as she stopped the car abruptly. Steve thanked every God he knew of that they had made it just in time, and hoped that Max and Y/N would be okay.

"Eddie," Y/N muttered, and that's when Steve knew that she had figured out.

Erica ran around the car to open the back, and Robin jumped out quickly to help Steve with Y/N, who was whimpering and crying out even though she hadn't moved yet.

"Come on, Princess," Steve grabbed her, helping her out of the car. When he pulled her close she screamed out, and that's when the sobbing started. Her cries were loud, so loud that Robin had to run to the bushes and throw up. She couldn't handle the cries and the pain and the fact that it seemed like everyone was falling apart.

Steve held himself together, his sole mission getting Y/N into the building. He held her close, trying to ignore her sobs. She was grabbing his shirt in her hands, and he was struggling to bring her in since she was withering in his grip. He held on tightly, however, trying to ignore the scream she let out as he pressed her wound closer to his body, putting more pressure on it.

"I'm so sorry," He told her, taking deep breaths until he finally got to the front door, where Erica and Dustin were already holding the doors open.

"Help us!" Lucas screamed, and that's when Steve realized he had been holding Max the whole time as well. Steve's arms were aching, but there was no way he was letting go of Y/N until she was in a bed. He looked around, seeing a couple people already coming in from what Vecna had done. Steve wasn't sure what the full extent was, but he knew that the Earth had cracked apart and people were hurt. He just hoped they would be open enough to help her.

"She was shot. She's lost a lot of blood." Steve said as evenly as he could, watching a couple people running around. It wasn't long before two stretchers were being rolled out, one for Max and one for Y/N.

"She doesn't have any allergies that I know of," Steve set Y/N down on the bed, but she was still holding onto his shirt lightly with a shaking hand.

"Do you know what type of blood she has?" A doctor asked, Steve following as the whole crew started moving.

"No, I-I don't know, I can call her house but I-" Steve was rambling and he knew he wasn't helping but he didn't know what to do. He was walking with Y/N, watching her eyes closing as she shook. Her hand was loosening on his shirt, and he felt his heart break as he grabbed her hand instead, shattering as he realized it was cold.

"It's okay. We'll take care of her." With a smile the doctor walked behind doors, doors Steve knew he couldn't go behind. In a daze and without thinking, he squeezed Y/N's hand and kissed her forehead.

"I love you," He finally said, and then she was taken away, and he watched until the doors closed. He watched as her head fell to the side, and he wished she could have said it back.

And then everything went black in his mind.

In reality, Robin was there, leading him to the waiting room. She was talking to him, saying his name, but he was staring straight forward eyes glassy.

Y/N. Max. Eddie.

He was supposed to be the babysitter. He was supposed to keep everyone safe. He wanted to be the hero this time. He didn't want to stay with everyone again, the way he had almost every time something like this has happened. And the one time he didn't stay with the kids, the time he left everyone, people died.

If he had been there, he would have been able to take out Jason. Max would still be alive. Y/N wouldn't have been shot and knocked out.

"Steve," It felt like the world came back all at once, and he turned to see Robin looking at him, eyes wide and tear tracks running down her face. She was gripping his arm, looking at him worriedly. He stood up, and she followed. "Where are you going?" She followed quickly as he began walking away. He couldn't just sit while his girlfriend was fighting for her life.

"Steve!" Dustin yelled, but Steve just walked over to Nancy who was sitting next to Lucas.

"Keys," He held his hand out. He felt empty, as if he were walking in a daze, and he didn't even register why Nancy looked up at him weirdly.

"Why don't you stay here? Wait for news on Max and Y/N." Nancy suggested, concerned. Steve wasn't crying anymore, and his face showed no emotions.

"Give me the keys." He would wrestle them from Nancy if he had to, determination filling his body.

"Where are you gonna go?" Dustin asked. The kid hadn't stopped crying all night, and if Steve were thinking clearly he would have told him to drink some water.

"To kill Jason," Clearly he wasn't thinking in any capacity. The gasps that everyone let out didn't deter him at all. Maybe he wouldn't kill Jason, but he was going to beat the kid to a pulp.

"Jason is dead," Lucas muttered, and for some reason that broke Steve.

"I need to get out of here." He said, walking toward the door, but then he was on the floor and everyone was screaming and he realized that maybe he should have been checked into the hospital awhile ago because the blood on his jacket was not all Y/N's.

"Steve!" He heard Robin scream, but he couldn't move. The pain was consuming him, both mental and physical, and he wanted to yell, to get up and find Y/N but he was glued to the floor.

Steve was sure he was not waking up.

~

He doesn't know how he got up. He doesn't know how he got to where he is now, sitting in a hospital bed. He doesn't remember anything, even as the doctor is telling him that he had a severe panic attack, that the wounds on his torso weren't infected and would heal fine but what animal was it again? Steve just blinked as Robin lied, said it wasn't an animal but a couple of bear traps, that they were being dumbasses and they knew better now and did they have any updates on Y/N?

"She'll be okay. She should be able to walk very soon-" The doctor cut herself off when there was a commotion down the hall. People were yelling, and there was screaming. Familiar screaming.

"Shit," Steve muttered as he sat up, watching Y/N come through the door, teeth gritted. She was favoring her right leg, but she was quick to get in the room. By the time the nurses got to the room, Y/N had already made it to his bed.

"They told me your room number." Y/N smirked as she climbed over Steve, wincing to be able to lay on her right leg on the other side of him. He smirked as he put an arm around her, looking at the outraged faces of the nurses and doctor.

"How did a GSW outsmart and outrun you?" The doctor asked the two nurses.

"She's very sneaky." One of the nurses said, and the three simply walked out, the doctor rolling his eyes and looking like he was seriously considering leaving and never coming back to this hospital.

"We're gonna make it out of here." Steve told her, kissing her forehead. She smiled as she moved slightly to look up at him.

"We already have."

//

tags:  @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @roxaya @sadbitchfangirl @gloryekaterina  @oblivion-void @alexshaff2002 @m-rae23 @mads-weasley

[year2000electronics]

you should use this ask to talk about 1961 Otto :]{

YAAAY

so. all my favourite ocks have the arms be a sort of reflection of otto’s fatal flaw (with exception to olivia just bc we don’t really get to hear how or why she invented her arms)

- raimi otto’s arms appeal to his ego and hubris and convince him he couldn’t have been wrong

- spectacular otto’s arms give him the power he always craved to fight back against norman and become the bully instead of the bullied

- ps4 otto’s arms aren’t uniformly designed for the good of mankind, they’re designed for himself above all else and are just extensions of the selfish and paranoid person he’s become

and so on and so forth. so for MY otto, he’s a science teacher who was never able to settle down with anyone or have kids but he’s always REALLY wanted a family and that’s kinda why he puts up with the teaching job y’know? because all these kids are kinda like his kids, at least for a year or so. but at the end of the day they have their real guardians to go back to, and they all graduate eventually and stop visiting. so he kinda gets lonelier specifically because he won’t admit to himself that that’s what he’s doing (seeking out companionship).

so then peter parker comes along and he has him as a student for even longer than normal thanks to pete taking some early high school prep classes and he’s there for may when ben dies and everything, pete really sees him as a father figure and he’s pretty much become part of the family! but then peter’s senior year comes along. and that means he’s gonna have to graduate.

peter is struggling with this on his own, he doesn’t want everything to change and for him to lose the place that’s been his life for 4 years, little does he know otto is ALSO panicking because his basically-son is gonna graduate and move on and forget all about him!! and he’s freaking out. but again we see 1961 otto’s flaw of gaining something personally via hiding his intentions, he doesn’t want to tell peter and may that he sees them as family because what if they don’t see him like that? he just wants EVERYTHING TO STAY THE EXACT SAME WITH NO CHANGE SO HE FEELS IN CONTROL OF THE SITUATION.

but of course he keeps panicking and instead of the “risky” option of telling peter and may, he decides that “hey, if they leave and forget about me, then i can just make myself a backup! i’ll pour my heart and soul into making these robotic arms that i’ll SAY are for people who live alone who need extra help like the elderly, but are actually for me so i can simulate companionship!” (again, being duplicitous about what he wants by pretending it’s for a different reason than it actually is!) but of course, at the oscorp inventor’s expo he brings the arms to, he suffers a terrible accident and they get fused to him, ai and all

so obviously since otto’s greatest wish was for a family who he could control, when the arms gain sentience and start speaking to him (because come on i had to that’s such a great idea for the arms) it’s not in a “no inhibitor chip now i’m following their programming” way it’s a “hello dad it’s us, Your Children :)” way. the accident increased all of their violent tendencies by tenfold and made them all a bit cuckoo, so otto decides once he’s off of bed rest, that “hey! i know how i can stop peter’s graduation! he can’t graduate if the ceremony just never happens, right?!” (desperate actions of a control freak, you understand) so he attacks the graduation ceremony and peter has to save his classmates including flash. well, that plan failed, but y’know what? otto’s OTHER kids aren’t attacking him anyways! hmph! so he disappears into the night, becoming spider-man’s nemesis, doc ock

all of that was for the “graduation day” arc of my au, the rest of my au takes place after a timeskip when pete’s an adult working at the bugle! so when we zero back in on otto, we see he’s learned nothing and gotten even Worse. he starts his own villain team, the sinister six, but how he recruits each member is that they’re suffering, usually from their own backstory stuff, and he helps them back onto their feet so now they adore him and see him as their caretaker! and they’re all one big family, don’t you think? doc ock DEFINITELY ISNT LYING ABOUT WHY HE’S SAVING THESE SUPERVILLAINS AGAIN.

you can see that throughline in their recruitment order too, we go from electro to vulture to sandman, each who fell victim to horrific accidents or unethical experiments, then you have mysterio, whose only wound is his ego after he got fired, and then the final member is norman osborn himself, the green goblin, who was indirectly responsible for a lot of their backstories. but otto takes in norman saying “oh well he’s just like us, he’s wounded, we must turn the other cheek and take care of him” when really he knows norman is full of shit, doing this goblin thing for personal gain and is entirely in control of his actions, and is lying about it by pretending that it’s an “evil dark entity taking over me” situation. but norman has power and influence and otto needs that influence. also they have a bit of a weird gay thing. so otto plays along with norman’s ruse

ANYWAYS YEAH that’s my otto for you! his arc ends with my own version of superior spider man where otto finally realizes how terrible he’s been to peter and everyone around him by being forced to see the world through eyes that aren’t his :) he and peter make up by the time my miles morales arc starts. he’s such a weirdo i love him. he needs to get therapy!

[broodwolf221]

very stressed again so I'm just gonna talk about solas bc he's my comfort blorbo atm

one quick clarification: I tend to use elven to describe modern elves and elvhen to describe ancient elves. it's just smth I started doing a while back and now it's habit.

I've already talked abt his personality/behavior and my theories on his distant past. so now I wanna talk about his actions.

joined the inquisition

even with lowest approval won't leave the inquisition

kept the inquisitor alive

helped seal the rifts/breach

painted the inquisitor's actions

helped kill corypheus

"killed" mythal

exposed the qunari plot

spoke to the inquisitor at the end of trespasser

now to dig into these.

joined the inquisition

this one is pretty wild. according to his conversation in trespasser, he woke a year before the conclave. one year. afaik it's unclear when he drew the veil vs. when he slept, but what is clear is that he woke up and had only a year to begin acclimating to a wildly different world, one he held significant guilt over causing to form. in this short time, he manages to acclimate enough to gain agents and find out about corypheus, someone he feels he can use. and solas wouldn't mourn corypheus' death, nor would the world, so it must have seemed such a perfect solution

then it obviously goes all to shit. and solas is too weak to take charge of the situation and remedy it on his own - besides which, his anchor is now attached to someone else. so what does he do? well aware that this world hates and fears both "apostates" (that must have been a strange revelation for him, considering how elvhen culture lauded mages) and elves, he nonetheless turns himself in and surrenders his staff

he decides to help. and no, it's not selfless - he needs the anchor. but there's so much more to it than that. he wants to help ease the harm he's inadvertently caused, the damage corypheus wrought. he's not trying to "save" the world, exactly, but he is trying to give it peace while he works to restore the world to what he feels (maybe rightly!) it should be. it's selfish. it's selfless. it's kind. it's deceitful. essentially: like him, it is nuanced.

but still, pretty wild that an elvhen apostate joins the human chantry's arm (and eventual army) of change

won't leave the inquisition

the reasoning here is fairly self-evident. he needs the anchor, and he wants to help. the inquisition is his sole means to achieve both goals. but it's still worth noting that even if he absolutely hates the inquisitor, he'll stay on as a core part of the inquisition right up to the bitter end.

and it's interesting bc he doesn't actually have to. he could have made sure the inquisitor wouldn't die and taught them how to seal rifts, then left. or he could have left after the breach was sealed. the inquisitor - and by extension, the anchor - would NOT be hard for him to find, because everyone and their dog knows where the inquisitor is at all times. also, at this point I'm not sure if he knows he'll need the anchor.

further, he could "leave" but continue to spy, including through the fade. but instead he stays right there. he leads the inquisition to skyhold. he involves himself at a fundamental level. it's interesting. he didn't have to.

does he get dragged in despite himself? does he grow attached to the rest of the inquisition, or its goals, even as he tries to hang onto the comforting lie that these people are so much less-then the people he knew? does he feel obligated to help right the harm he caused, their drawn out suffering harder to bear than their sudden cessation?

kept the inquisitor alive

I have to assume there's a reason for this, a reason he couldn't just take the anchor from them while they slept. likely it was because he was still too weak to remove it, although that seems a little strange - what was he planning to do once corypheus died opening his orb? but given the potential nature of the inquisitor, including many non-mage options and including dwarven options who are cut off from the fade itself, it stands to reason that getting the anchor placed by touching the opened orb may be much easier than removing the anchor, even prior to it being used.

perhaps he could have removed it, but was worried the inquisition would kill him. early on, how was he to know that cassandra's bark was so often worse than her bite? and it's entirely possible that she might have killed him if the inquisitor had died under his watch, particularly if the anchor was "mysteriously" removed at the same time.

I also imagine that he genuinely didn't know if the anchor would function if he just... cut their arm off and ran with it. but at the same time, I assume he was constantly monitored so that probably wasn't much of an option

helped seal the rifts/breach

couple of core reasons for this, I think: first, he genuinely wants to help. the people of thedas are terrified and at risk; so too are the spirits from the fade who are being drawn into the waking world against their will, which may well be a stronger impetus for him to work on sealing them. second, I have a theory that he won't be able to, or fears he won't be able to, tear down the veil in one with all these rifts.

rifts are tears in the boundary, right? so if he tried to pull the veil down around them, what's to stop the veil from catching against the rifts and keeping these boundaries in existence? like... trying to remove a sticker when parts have been nailed in. not only will the parts under the nail remain, but whole strips might be left behind. what would that create?

and the thing is, everything he's attempting and considering is so highly theoretical. maybe it wouldn't work like that at all. maybe it'd be fine. maybe it'd be worse. he doesn't know! but it feels safe to assume that, given his character, he'd want to proceed in the safest way possible with the best likelihood of a good outcome. he's methodical that way.

painted the inquisitor's actions

this one gets me just like it gets everyone. there's so much to it... he's using an ancient elvhen technique to memorialize the decisions of today's holy order and its leader. he's creating frescoes which are meant to last, and he doesn't know if they will. he's creating meaning in the moment, for the inquisition itself, and possibly for the future, even a future where everyone he knows is gone, killed through his actions.

it's a way to honor them. it's a headstone. it's a history. it's a gift. it's art. it's effort he doesn't need to expend. it's the closest he can come to an apology.

helped kill corypheus

of course, he's always wanted corypheus to die, so in that sense this really isn't that surprising. and in game corypheus can sometimes feel ridiculously easy to kill. but the fact is, corypheus is perceived as one of if not the single greatest threat they have to face.

and solas helps face him.

what if he died? what if he was killed? it's wild that someone who's so determined to change the world constantly puts himself at such risk, but it's part of both his nature and the means of meeting his goals. it's necessary. but is it necessary for him to face corypheus?

the time has come, the inquisitor and inquisition are prepared.

why doesn't he leave? come back after the battle and reclaim his orb? yes, the inquisitor broke it, but I don't think solas even recognizes that as a possibility. to him, the orb would have been there. and, bonus, maybe the inquisition is so damaged in the battle that they'll struggle to pursue him. if he has the orb, or thinks he would have it, he wouldn't necessarily need to protect the inquisitor any longer, because why have the anchor when he has the orb? unless of course its power was transferred to the anchor, which is a distinct possibility, but in that case... why mourn the orb so?

I think that he at least believed the orb could create another anchor. so losing it meant he needed to possess the anchor currently in existence. but again: he went into this battle thinking orb and anchor alike would exist at the end. why risk it? why not just dart in and recover what he needs?

he cares about them. even if he hates the inquisitor, he cares about the people of this world. he won't turn his back on the inquisition in their hour of need, even if he risks death

"killed" mythal

I've given this so much thought. I understand why he did it, to a point, but at the same time... it's always put me at a loss. he sealed the evanuris away because they killed mythal. he killed her to take her power, presumably a necessity after the loss of his orb in order to reclaim the anchor. and I do agree that she may very well still be alive, either entirely or in a way. I'm not sure if he's aware of that, though.

but it's all very complicated. he knows he should be the one punished - these are his sins he's trying to right, for the people (elvhen? spirits? everyone? including but probably not primarily dwarves? I've seen so many takes on this and it's always fascinating)

so. he takes something of mythal, very possibly believing he's killing her, and possibly actually killing her, in order to restore the world to what it used to be. he doesn't want to do this. it's utterly tragic and horrifying at once when you see it the first time (and, well, every time after if you're me). it's painful. but he does it.

he's willing to shoulder so much pain. loneliness, too, because mythal is presumably the only one left from his time. he destroys his sole connection to his past in order to right his mistakes. putting aside the issue of whether he's right or not, that is a monumental burden to bear.

he endures. he always endures. how horrible to always endure.

exposed the qunari plot

because I've discussed this previously I won't dig too deep into it, but the fact is 1) he didn't have to do this, 2) doing this actively makes it easier for the inquisition to pursue him, 3) doing this might actually make it easier in a way for the qunari to focus on strengthening the veil, and 4) apparently, he did it. not an agent. he dragged the qunari into the winter palace.

why? why risk himself like that? to get a glance at those he left behind? did he rush through the motions and disappear, or did he linger? did he look at them and consider what more he would have to endure?

spoke to the inquisitor at the end of trespasser

he needed the anchor, yes. but did he need to answer the inquisitor's questions, soothe their inevitable curiosity? absolutely not. he could have kept lying. it would have been smarter to keep lying. why, why tell them who he is, why let the entire inquisition know?

he already gave them a clear path to chasing him down and possibly stopping him. now he's telling them his basic plan? sure, he spares the details, but what does that really preserve?

and the thing is, even if he absolutely hates the inquisitor, he still tells them the basics. the way he does it is... genuinely so funny and it cheers me up inordinately he is so sassy about it but that's not important. what is important is that he even tells someone he loathes who and what he is and what his basic plan is.

why not just leave? "the anchor is killing you and it's mine, i'll take it back. goodbye." why not just that?

it's hard for me to believe it's anything other than: he wants to be stopped. a part of him wants so, so badly to be stopped. the same part that wanted to tell a romanced inquisitor the truth in the crestwood scene. the same part that keeps giving all these hints and answering questions sincerely even when it makes people wonder about him. the same part that only lies by ommission.

the part that is lonely and wanting and cares.

not only is he fundamentally a kind, caring man who wants to minimize the harm he does, not only does he value and want to reward curiosity, but he wants to be stopped. and the inquisitor/inquisition is about the only force in the world that can stop him, directly or indirectly.

they know him. he knows them. and while it's implied that the inquisition/inquisitor can't stop him directly because of this familiarity, they are the ones who find new forces to array against him. if he'd just lied and left, that wouldn't be a possibility.

he made himself an enemy. he could've had a clear playing field and all the tools he needed: instead, a force at his back.

[raayllum]

Callum 🤝 Stoick

“For you, my dear, anything.”

Everyone loves to draw comparisons between Callum and Hiccup (when they’re pretty fundamentally different people beyond the obvious surface level similarities) but sleep on this comparison! Love it

Gonna go on a deep dive cause Hiccup is one of my favourite characters ever but I've never written meta about him so

In some ways, Hiccup and Callum are similar - especially in terms of how they present. They're both goofy, more than a little awkward, deeply curious and compassionate, extremely loyal once you've earned/have their loyalty, a bit flighty and sometimes focused too much on the big picture in lieu of missing the little things. They both grew up feeling like the wrong fit for their environment/culture and it takes bonding with a mysterious, dangerous enemy and subsequent life changing adventure for them to start figuring out where they belong (and how). I think they'd get along splendidly and would absolutely show off flying tricks

However, they are also radically different, mostly because Hiccup is far more rebellious (and particularly in early HTTYD1) far more selfish than Callum is.

Due to a vicious cycle of "I want to prove myself to the village" -> "I mess up" -> "Village is annoyed by me" and a lack of other tangible options of places and circumstances to go into, Hiccup is about as bullheaded as it gets. Even before he meets Toothless, he's not super concerned about being a Viking according to his people's standards, and we don't know if he actually tried at being a traditional Viking very hard before he switched to machinery and inventing (I've also leaned towards not, but that's up for interpretation). He simply wants them to recognize that he can be a Viking, too, by his own standards - and in some ways better and more effectively than they can because he's using his smarts and not just his ('nonexistent') brawn. He's effectively beholden to no one but himself, especially since his relationship with his father is so strained and Gobber does his best, but is understandably not a perfect substitute / cannot be everything a 15 year old boy needs or wants to have socially. This is also why Stoic's scoldings are so ineffective, because pre-Toothless Hiccup doesn't really care that much if he royally mucks things up for the Village time and time again if it's in pursuit of praise/recognition - which is not entirely unreasonable (we all want attention/positive reinforcement) particularly for a teenager, but it is short sighted and immature.

Then he meets Toothless, and learns 1) how to put something and someone else heavily above his own wants & needs, and 2) how to contribute to the village in a way that would be beneficial for everyone, not just the people (beginning of the movie)/himself, or for the dragons/himself (when he was planning to run away), but for all of them, irregardless of himself. This journey is ultimately what's culminated in the third movie by finally living up to his father ("How do you become someone that great, that brave, that selfless?") by willing to do with Toothless what Stoic was willing to do with him: to let him go, so that he'd be Safe. The first thing Hiccup ever did, that set him on an entirely new path after all, was to set a dragon free. I always thought it was very fitting that was his final act as well.

And it's this journey from selfish slightly sarcastic but intelligent, sympathetically immature teenager to a wiser, selfless, less independent but more reliable adult, aided by the events of the films, the memory/inspiration of his father, everything about Toothless and his love/support of Hiccup, and Astrid being about as devoted to Berk as it gets (which is absolutely something Hiccup needs) that allows him to be a great Chief. He's able to put the greater good of his family and people above what he may personally want in the short term ("I was so busy thinking about the world that I wanted, I didn't think about what you needed") to prioritize his goals in the long term ("And we'll guard the secret until the time comes that dragons can return in peace").

And due to all of this, Callum starts out in a fundamentally different place, because he always has an internal and externally imposed responsibility from the start: Ezran. "Take care of your brother," are Harrow's final, parting words to him, after all, and we see Callum take this with him throughout the series, whether it's trying to be assassinated in Ezran's place, promising to return and help him once Zym is brought home, or rushing to defend him when he thinks there's another plot against the king. This is also where we see Callum's selective loyalty creep in. While Callum would make a great general due to his tactician skills and ability to think ahead, he is ultimately too reckless and obsessive to make a good king - or in the Hiccup comparison, Chief. Although both are leadership roles, having Ezran / others there to temper him occasionally as a general is crucial - he needs that safety net (or someone to tell him to keep his eyes on the road) which him being the final authority on the throne would not provide ("I may be queen but even I can't stop those two when they've set their minds on something") that not being on the throne can marginally provide. This is also one of the reasons why I don't think either Callum or Rayla are really suited to a long term life at court / as royalty, but post for another day <3

Callum also has more of a temper and more of a nasty temper toward his loved ones as well that Hiccup really doesn't have a shred of - he'll be sarcastic and a bit snippy but he'll never aim for the jugular, y'know? (Hiccup is also more marginally prone to self blame probably because he's grown up enough to take full responsibility for his actions after a childhood of mostly shirking/dismissing them, but like side tangent)

So like Callum's consistent sense of responsibility keeps him tempered and more mild mannered and less rebellious (and him and Harrow have a much better relationship than pre-HTTYD1 Hiccup and Stoick, which absolutely helps; each may have resembled each other more in HTTYD2 esque dynamic if Harrow had lived to see Callum mature / grow into himself a bit more) but also leaves him far more selectively loyal / focused on his own bubble most of the time.

Like Hiccup is just loyal enough (aided by Astrid) to his People to like be able to do the ins and outs and enjoy it overall? And I've never gotten the same sense from Callum at any point in the series (which "I'm beholden to my inner circle, not some silly kingdom" - thank you TOX). And I do think the way Callum would want to change the world is more magic based - teaching other people how to connect and harness magic - is more in line for him overall but again: post for another day (and we'll have to see where canon goes). Because of Toothless, Hiccup's bubble expands to Astrid and the gang and his father, fully, and stays expanded; Toothless gave him the family & support he needed to no longer need Toothless to stay in the same manner. For Callum, his bubble is Ezran, expands to Rayla as well over the course of arc 1 at first because of Ezran and because of their own bond - and it doesn't really expand with the same intensity to basically anyone else (see Callum being worried, sure, about Soren in 4x06/4x07 but also a lot more focused in general in how Soren's absence is affecting Rayla and thereby focusing on reassuring her)

Callum is also just way more of a loose canon, at least to me. Trying out the lightning spell just because in 1x05 with no safety net, staying way too long at the Great Bookery in 5x04 when they absolutely could've just come back after stopping Aaravos and co., and again: he just has an edge to him that Hiccup doesn't? It's hard to describe and I don't think there's necessarily a reason behind besides "they're two different characters with accordingly different characterizations" but I can't see Hiccup doing dark magic or being tempted by it - even if it was to save Toothless, or something? He's just too much of a bleeding heart/animal lover and a lot more Ezran on that level

Long characterization aside, I actually think Rayla and Hiccup are probably more similar in that rebellious / witty streak to your disappointed more restrictive tougher mentor (Runaan, Stoick) but that Callum 100% has Stoick's devotion to Valka down pat. "For you my dear, anything," the slow approach in asking but not assuming she'll be his wife again, the forgiveness and understanding of Valka and Rayla staying away all that time, the "I don't want another. Your mother was the only woman for me. She was the love of my life" excuse me while I go cry.

[spacedlexi]

I am madly in love with your artstyle and its been a big big inspiration for me as of late. Also, what are your thoughts on Jane and Bonnie? Do you like them or not

AAA thank you so much thats so flattering to hear 🥺💕!!

my feelings on jane and bonnie are nuanced just like my opinion on many of twdg characters. but i love twdg for all its messy fucked up characters :) its fun :) so while i dont hate either of them they definitely still do things that piss me off

in janes case, i think her mentorship/sisterhood with clem came more from her guilt about her sister than actually wanting to have this 11 year old around. so while she would teach clem important survival skills, she was also always quick to leave or act selfishly (clems "i thought you believed in me 🥺" always makes me sad). and this is just solidified by her actions in her S3 flashbacks. i do think she TRIES to work with the group, but she just gets in her own way and is never able to fully integrate, especially since the S2 cast is a fucked up mess in and of itself so its understandable. her actions at the end of S2 are born of pure selfishness, leaving a newborn infant in a random freezing vehicle so she could "show clem what kenny was really like" when clem is WELL AWARE of the thread this madman is hanging on to (having already faced the brunt of his frustrations MULTIPLE times at this point, and is desperate not to lose anyone else). she wanted a fight and she got one. i think maybe she told herself it was about saving clem, but honestly i dont think that was really ever her goal. again i just think a lot of her motivation comes out of the guilt of leaving her sister behind, so she saw clem as a second chance to make things right. but depending on clems actions, she can end up on her own without either of them, and jane can be the sister left behind to die. its interesting to see clem kinda pick up janes personality in the first half of S3 now that shes also at a point where she has no one and trusts no one, and is deep down lonely and longing for community. the difference is clem is not selfish (while still caring about self preservation), and actually likes being able to help people when she can. shes more so just afraid of caring for people again to protect herself from what she sees is the inevitable pain of losing them, as opposed to janes "theyre all just gonna bring you down so you should be on your own instead" outlook. but i definitely saw jane (and luke) as a bigger mentor/big sister(/brother) figure to clem than kenny was to her. jane actually taught her how to take care of herself. kenny was just someone from her past she didnt want to let go of

in bonnies case, she can be really horrible to clem if she listened to luke and stayed back instead of trying to grab him, so i'll literally try to save luke just so i dont have to hear it 😭 but also i like the convo her and clem have on the steps if you tried to save him. its an important character moment for clem, being asked what SHE wants instead of what the people around her want, and that she should start thinking about that, which is formative to the decision she makes (or fails to make) at the rest stop. the way bonnie is initially dismissive of carvers behavior i think is supposed to mirror the way clem can be dismissive of kennys behavior after leaving howes. will they come to see the man they once respected is becoming someone unstable? (i used to be in the "kenny might be going crazy but he'd never hurt clem" camp UNTIL i picked the "lee shouldnt have tried to save me 😔" option in the car and kenny threatened to smack her for it AFTER giving it a moment of hesitation so he KNEW what he was saying there. my jaw was dropped. but kenny is just another interesting flawed character in a game of interesting flawed characters (although they Heavily backtracked on the kenny/carver parallels in the S3 flashbacks. you can make the argument hes happier now but idk he cant come back from the threat for me he MEANT that)). bonnie leaving with mike is fucked but understandable, and she can show real concern after clem gets shot before getting chased off by kenny. i hope her and mike are still out there somewhere i dont hate either of them, even tho it was horrible of them to steal ALL of their supplies when they knew they were leaving TWO children behind. like cmon. but overall i liked bonnie :) shes a bit of a mess but i like her for it

in the end i am a twdg woman character forgiver :) i do love all the fucked up ladies its refreshing let them do dumb shit and make mistakes!!! i love mess :)

[destinygoldenstar]

☀️SHAKING SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP-☀️ - Total Drama Viewer Reacts to Disventure Camp Season 1 Episode 10 “Medal Of Dis-honor”

💗🍉Cuties, that's what they are🍉💗

There's no Jam emoji so I'm using watermelon instead.

I've jinxed how many people now with these headings?

This time, I'm kind of expecting Tom to go this episode. I'll be surprised if he's not. So like, at least I can CONTROL the jinx I guess?

Whatever. They're happy. That's what matters. They're leaving the show, somber goodbye after this elimination, and after the show they're gonna get Chinese and watch the sunset by the lake.

But yeah, I think this heading is jinxing their separation due to elimination. Fiore and Alec are DEFINATELY finding an idol, and that's gonna get Tom out. And Jake and Ellie, being good friends, are gonna agree "We gotta take them out."

That's my prediction, anyway.

Both my best girls left back to back. Someone's gotta avenge them.

So, let's get into it.

Oh they're actually strategizing. Okay.

"Hey, we're outnumbered, maybe voting off Grett wasn't a good idea... even if there wasn't any way we could've saved her."

"Even if we can persuade Ellie to vote with us, we need someone else."

Which she won't do cause YOU GUYS betrayed her TWICE

"We must find a way to divide them."

Get them to split the votes on you two maybe?

"Hey, you shouldn't vote me! Vote Alec! He's the bigger threat!"

Then Alec can tell another person the same thing!

And if you ARE gonna convince Ellie to vote with you (somehow), that's 3-2-1, and BOOM. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

...I keep saying I'm bad at this game, but think about it.

"But they won't listen to them"

Okay, then SHOWCASE your abilities in front of their faces and paint two narratives on who is the bigger threat.

"I recall Grett saying something about Jake having some drama with his ex."

"We can use that to our advantage!"

"From what I've seen, Jake isn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed."

OOOOHHH...

Oh NOW I know what they're gonna do.

And they KNOW Jake is gonna fall for it because of said trauma being ignited...

You two are BALLSY for PERSONALLY SCREWING WITH SOMEONE'S PTSD.

"But first, we have to give Ellie back on our side."

She WON'T. If she's SMART, she WON'T.

YOU TWO HAVE BETRAYED HER TWICE

I think convincing JAKE to vote with you is a better option if I'm being honest. And he might not even be AWARE he's voting with the villains.

"Miriam, these cupcakes are delicious!"

THOSE DON'T LOOK APPETIZING.

But look at them! Look at them being so cute!

"How old are you?"

"Rude to ask a woman her age, but I am seventy two years old."

I WAS CLOSE.

First episode I said 70. I WAS CLOSE.

"Ellie, can we talk?"

"No."

"Why? So you can betray me again?"

Yeah exactly. She ain't stupid!

NO. DON'T GO WITH HIM. I JUST SAID YOU WEREN'T STUPID-GODDAMMIT.

"Don't forget LYING to me AND voting out Gabby!"

THANK YOU.

"This game is much more than grudges or friendships."

"Meanwhile, we're planning to toy with one of your friend's grudges and friendships."

Just saying, there's A LOT of ways you can play this without getting into personal stuff and psychologically torturing someone.

But they're villains, so you know, they would do this.

"But I want you to consider what happens once me and Fiore are voted out."

FINAL FOUR. It LIKELY wouldn't matter if it was social status.

PLUS I think Miriam would gladly take an L for these kids.

So no, your point does not work.

"Fine. I'll think about it."

"But if I'm gonna flip, I'm don't have to hurt them personally. I have more dignity than to stoop that low!"

So... if she IS siding with them, (which I dont agree with), she's gonna protest hurting Jake THAT way, but reluctantly do it, and she's gonna come clean once it's over out of guilt and apologize and realize her mistake.

I DO NOT see Ellie as this sociopathic emotional manipulator that will stoop to Fiore's level of psychologically tormenting people for her own selfish benefit.

There's a way to win this game and NOT hurt people that way. JUST SAYING.

"I trust that you're smart enough to make the right choice here."

And that's NOT ditching the majority alliance you're apart of because THESE FOLKS CAN'T BE TRUSTED.

I DON'T KNOW. THAT'S JUST MY THOUGHTS.

Oh good god that's a lot of challenges.

Well this is gonna be a long episode.

How is it raining? Wasn't it CLEAR at night just a minute ago?!

"Looks like the Disventure Camp gods are not having a good night."

Are you talking about me? Cause I didn't do that this time.

What happens if it's a tie?

ACTUALLY THAT WOULD MAKE SENSE IF THEY'RE FORCING ELLIE TO FLIP

"Well shit, they both have immunity. Guess I HAVE to flip to save myself. Sorry guys."

THAT makes sense.

"There, you can look for a newly buried immunity totem."

CALLED IT!

I didn't think TOM would find this though.

"I didn't come here to play the game, but I'm glad I did cause I got to meet Jake."

Aw, that's sweet.

Yeah, Tom's not gonna take it personally if you vote him off. He's not winning anyway.

He will gladly give this idol to save Jake, any day.

"How are you doing Jake?"

"I've been trying to knock over this stupid vase for five minutes!"

You sound like me in math class fr.

"I've been trying to solve this math problem for THREE HOURS."

"Why don't you teach me and I'll get us both necklaces?"

Yeah. That's sweet.

See? He's not selfish. He's helping.

This is so cute, I love them 💗

THE GRANDCHILD SHE NEVER HAD!

"So this is what it's like to have a grandson."

💗

"I found the clue to the location of an immunity totem. It should be right here."

NO WHY WOULD YOU TELL HER THAT-

Okay he doesn't know of her thinking about flipping, to be fair. But still.

"I sure hope no one STEALS this idol or anything!"

They're gonna steal it.

Ellie's gonna tell Fiore & Alec, "Hey guys, I know how to save you guys. Tom has an idol. Steal it from him and use it for the council."

That's definitely a plan!

CAN YOU TELL I'M PARANOID SINCE THE START OF THIS EPISODE?

"This is Golden speaking in your head. There are impersonal ways to play this game and save yourselves. You DON'T have to hurt Jake that way. DON'T YOU DARE. I WILL give him slay pass and I WILL torment you the rest of this season!"

"COME ON! Why Jake?! What did he ever do to you?!"

"This is not good. That totem gives Tom more power than he already has."

THEN STEAL IT.

PROBLEM SOLVED.

"That money will fund my dreams of fashion school! No more sleepless nights, barely making rent, working from dawn to dusk... whatever I need to do to win, I'll do it!"

I DO sympathize with Ellie.

I don't want to make this come across like I don't. THAT is a perfectly understandable and routable motive to want to win.

But you gotta ask yourself: What do you mean by 'whatever it takes?' Are you really willing to destroy your morals, relationships, and put people in bad mental places, to make this happen?

IS THAT WORTH IT??

And I'm not even saying she shouldn't side with the villains if that's a game move that works for her. There's just a dozen impersonal ways to play this game.

You can win, AND keep your friendships!

Just find out who the target is, steal the idol from Tom when he isn't looking, use it to prevent the tie, and then FLIP.

He's got it!

"I need to ask about the votes tonight."

Okay she's gonna tell them.

"If I vote with you, won't it just end in a 3-3 tie?"

"Not if we find a way to split that alliance."

OR STEAL THE IDOL.

"You talk to Jake a lot, you must have noticed how insecure he is."

"If you can trick him by telling him some lie about Tom, he'll surely believe it."

SHE'S NOT GONNA DO THAT.

JUST STEAL THE IDOL. YOU KNOW WHO HAS IT.

"But how would they steal the idol?"

Just tell Tom and Jake to go hang out and be all cute, like go swimming or something. Tom will have to leave his stuff behind for that. And when they're gone, STEAL THE IDOL.

"But he'll notice"

MAKE A FAKE ONE AND SWAP THEM.

Ellie KNOWS what these idols look like. Gabby used one for her!

YOU DON'T HAVE TO HURT JAKE.

"Is that gullible idiot's friendship worth losing a million dollars? And for what? To go back to the same pathetic life again?"

😬

Goddammit Fiore...

She's gonna do this? Isn't she?

Well this is FIORE'S plan, so I can't really blame Ellie...?

So yeah, the hate goes to Fiore. Ellie's just trying to survive.

"There's no other way Ellie."

I CAN THINK OF SEVERAL OTHER WAYS AT THE TOP OF MY HEAD-

"SHUT UP GOLDEN, VILLAINS DON'T LISTEN TO YOU."

...I'm gonna save this till the end.

Cause YES, this is A LOT of ways she can survive and NOT do this.

"If I do this, I want something in return."

"I want two necklaces."

I mean what makes the difference if Ellie gets immunity? She's not a target for the other guys right now.

"If I win immunity, I'll vote for whoever you tell me."

And so she's turned...

Goddammit.

I do understand WHY though... I don't agree with it, but I understand WHY she'd want to do this.

"I'll also make sure Jake never trusts Tom again."

WHAT?! NO!!!

YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO THAT FAR!!!!!

JUST STEAL THE IDOL FROM TOM AND FLIP

I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SAY THIS ALL THROUGHOUT THE EPISODE

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DESTROY SOMEONE'S RELATIONSHIP!!

Oh god...

This is totally why they're targeting Jake as well because they KNOW he'll get paranoid.

I don't care what anyone says. I WILL say it. Whatever happens for the rest of this episode. NONE of it is Jake's fault.

It's Fiore. HATE ON FIORE FOR STOOPING THIS LOW.

...I am going to hate this episode, aren't I? Strap yourselves in.

"I trust that Ellie won't throw her own game with her silly friendship with Jake."

Watch her actually do that and own up to this.

"Yeah, um... so I REGRET what I did. And I would rather us be friends and win this together than split apart and become a monster like Fiore."

Again, Ellie is NOT a sociopath...

Right...? She's not a sociopath...

RIGHT??

AWWWWW 😢💗

OH THAT'S SO SWEET, OMG

DON'T DO THIS TO ME. THEY WERE WORKING THINGS OUT! THEY WERE DOING WELL!!

LEAVE THEM ALONE

I don't want them to be pissy again 😭

Why is Fiore shivering?

No. I don't feel bad for you. FREEZE.

"Tom possibly has an immunity totem."

Okay. Steal it.

"We need a plan to counter it."

NO YOU DON'T. STEAL IT.

STEAL THE FUCKING IDOL

Oh boy...

Guys, I already KNOW this is gonna BREAK me. So HEADS UP.

We're not even halfway through the episode. This is gonna be UGLY.

"I heard something I shouldn't have... I'm sorry Jake, this may not be the right time, but..."

*DREAD*

"Have you seen that Tom has a radio?"

"I saw him using it in private. I heard him talking to his... boyfriend."

*DREAD*

I HATE IT CAUSE THAT'S SO PERFECT TO MAKE JAKE PARANOID WITH...

GODDAMMIT

"He said some horrible things about you. Things I can't repeat."

YEAH THIS IS GONNA TRIGGER SOME SHIT FOR HIM

(I don't think I need to tell anyone this, but for morality sake. DON'T EVER DO THIS. If you aware someone has PTSD and anxiety, and you know their specific triggers. Don't ever trigger it. For any reason. You are screwed up if you ever think this is a good idea to use on people. You can SERIOUSLY HURT the person in one way or another.)

"The second this season ends, he'll be out of all our lives."

*DREAD*

That's what Tom said about his spy mission too...

"No... he wouldn't say that. Maybe you heard wrong."

Oh?

He's NOT gonna believe it??

Okay I didn't expect that. I expected him to be stupid and fall head first into it. But he's ACTUALLY QUESTIONING this.

"Trust me Jake, you're my friend, and I'm only saying this because I don't want you to get heartbroken."

OOOOOWWWWWW...

"Tom is a scumbag. You can't trust him."

GODDAMMIT ELLIE. DON'T MAKE ME HATE YOU. I WAS LIKING YOU. DON'T DO THIS.

Why Jake, man?! I get he's an easy target. Why him?!

*coughs laughter*

Okay you can't make that up.

"Tom's a scumbag."

"I got breakfast!!" 💗😄

"Jake, those fish are poisonous! He's trying to KILL YOU!"

"Fish? Is that really what you were up to?"

Oh boy, here we go...

"Don't you get tired of lying to my face?!"

Goddammit...

"...huh?"

*snicker*

"HUH?"

Oh god... I get it though. I get why Jake would believe this.

"Jake's being his usual self."

That's his usual self? He yelled ONCE before, AND apologized for it MULTIPLE TIMES.

"Jake's so gullible! He believes everything he's told! After all this time, you'd think he'd at least talk to me about it!"

Okay, I'm gonna defend here. I'm sorry if this annoys you.

When Grett told Jake Tom was a spy, he actually DIDN'T instantly believe that. He thought it was a joke. It was only when Tom blew his own cover and said the wrong thing that he realized she was telling the truth.

That is the ONLY incident throughout the season that MIGHT imply Jake as this 'gullible moron'. And even THEN, 'gullible moron' implies he believed that shit right away, when he DIDN'T.

And I'm not using a headcanon. There's TEXT PROOF.

2) He JUST yelled at you and Ellie dragged him away. "You'd think he'd talk to me about it". Yeah. He WOULD.

IF HE IS GIVEN THE CHANCE.

BUT CURRENTLY, HE IS NOT.

3) Jake DIDN'T instantly believe Ellie. She had to gaslight it further for it to work and had to drive home some personal shit to get him to snap. Which, snapping like that, IS a PTSD response to a trigger.

If Ellie ONLY said "Tom cheated on you lol" and that was all it took, then YES, YOU'D HAVE A POINT.

Look, if THIS is the episode that is supposed to trigger me to despise Jake or something, IT'S NOT WORKING.

I mean, WHY would he believe a FRIEND over TOM?! THAT MAKES NO SENSE. TOM DIDN'T LIE ABOUT SHIT TO JAKE AND HAS BEEN COMPLETELY 100% HONEST WITH HIM THE ENTIRE TIME.

OH WAIT.

THIS IS A GASLIGHTING PLOT. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. AND YOU'RE GONNA BLAME THE PERSON BEING GASLIT?!

Okay. Sure.

Look, I'm not saying Jake is flawless. Hell no. And I'm not even saying he's doing the right thing here. HELL NO. I'm saying it's believable he'd act this way given what we know about his character, and it's not the fault of him, it's the fault of the people gaslighting him to act like that.

If he acted this way WITHOUT their help. That'd be a different story.

But he's not. So... am I supposed to hate him now??

"I know Jake can be dense, but he's a good boy."

"You keep on saying that, but he never learns!"

Learn WHAT?

To talk to people and tell them everything that's happening? He's been doing that throughout the season FAR MORE THAN YOU, TOM.

I'm not hating Tom, btw. Just making a point.

If he's gotta learn something, then teach him "Choose who you trust." "Don't let your emotions get the better of you." "Don't let other people take advantage of your paranoia and anxieties to control you." "Sometimes the problem is you and you have to apologize and make things right." "Don't be stupid."

Just so you can't say "Golden is completely ignoring Jake's flaws." NO I'M NOT.

And "NEVER" learns? THIS IS THE SECOND TIME. WHAT DO YOU MEAN "NEVER"?

"Does my care and affection mean nothing to him?"

Aw, Tom. I'm sorry.

It means the world to him! JUST TALK.

"Every day I'm here, I like being around Jake less and less..."

What?

You guys kissed last episode. You spent a month in a zombie apocalypse together.

Where the hell is this coming from?

He yelled at you TWO TIMES. And the first time he tried to make it up to you.

And it just cuts. Okay. Sure.

"Yeah! Fuck Jake! He's a piece of shit! I guess..."

Are we seriously gonna say this whole thing is ALL Jake's fault?

Cause um... NO.

"Why do they always see me as an idiot they can lie to?!"

"I don't know."

Ellie says as she treats him as an idiot she can lie to.

"I should confront Tom."

SEE?!?!?! WHAT HAVE I BEEN SAYING?!?!?!?!

"But last time, I promised he we had problems, we would talk things through. Something's not right. Tom would never do this to me."

ATTA BOY.

HE'S AT LEAST 'TRYING' TO THINK STRAIGHT.

He's still not, but that's on Ellie for gaslighting him to not think straight.

If she wasn't gaslighting him to think irrationally. It would be a different story.

"He's been lying to you, and you're worried about keeping your promises? He's cheating on you Jake. It seems like he's been cheating for a long time."

🔥"Lemme just uh, casually ignite some more fuel to this fire. Hey Jake, remember when you got cheated on in the past? Remember how much that HURT you and DEVASTATED you? Doesn't it HURT BEYOND BELIEF?! DON'T YOU WANT TO BUILD YOUR WALLS AND NEVER TALK TO ANOTHER GUY AGAIN?!?!"🔥

"So he's been making me make these promises so he could keep me under control?"

"I'm an idiot!"

"You're not Jake."

"I'm just gaslighting you to BE an idiot."

Fuck you Ellie.

I think she's gonna regret it though and try and make up for this.

"I feel so bad that I have to lie to Jake, but I know when I win the million dollars, it'll all be worth it."

Right, so she's just ditching her morality AND her friendships for money.

I get it. But WOW.

(This is a LONG Tribal Council. And there's a lot of screaming going forward. So... there's your warning.)

Elimination already? Damn...

This is gonna be UGLY...

"I did my part. Now who are we going to vote for?"

You know what the weird part is? I don't even know how this benefits you guys.

Tom has an idol.

You didn't even have to gaslight Jake. You could've just stole the idol.

I'm pretty sure the game NEVER said that the person who got the idol was the only one who could play it.

😭Just steal the goddamn idol...😭

"Vote for Jake."

What?

Oh my god, what are you doing??

Why gaslight him then?!?!?!

"Jake, we need to talk."

"Fine. I guess I should give you a chance to explain yourself."

PLEASE. PLEASE TALK.

NOOOOO DAMMIT

Don't break them up, please... 😭🙏

"I don't know what's wrong with Jake this time, but I'm sure it was your fault."

YES. YES IT WAS.

So they are voting Jake...

So they're gonna keep their mouths shut and not worry about the idol?

I mean if they don't know Jake's in danger, they can't play the idol, right?

I THINK that's what they're doing.

"Wait. I have something to say to Tom."

...what are you doing?

"It's about Jake and all the drama surrounding him."

What are you doing? I thought you were gonna keep your mouth shut.

What's your plan? You WANT Tom to realize you're using Jake?

"Oh wait, shit! It wasn't Jake's fault this time! Welp, guess our alliance is back!"

But they already voted, so... goddammit...

"I care because it was all a lie."

"Ellie told Jake that Tom has a boyfriend and he was cheating on him. She kept them from speaking to each other all day."

WHAT IS YOUR PLAN HERE?!?!?!?

WHAT WAS THE POINT OF GASLIGHTING JAKE THEN?!?!?!?!

"Wait, what?! Is this true?!"

Oh shit now he realizes.

"Goddammit Jake, you promised you would talk to me this time!"

DID YOU NOT HEAR HER?! ELLIE WAS PREVENTING HIM FROM DOING THAT!!!!

IF HE COULD, HE WOULD HAVE.

WHY ARE YOU GETTING MAD AT JAKE?!?!

"Tom, I didn't know! I tried to talk to you, but Ellie told me not to!! Please you have to believe me!!!"

HONEY NO...

"Why are you listening to her?!"

"I thought I could trust her. I'm sorry Tom..."

"And you didn't think you could trust me?! After everything we've been through?!"

💔

I mean, okay, that is valid. That is on Jake.

"Children, children, stop fighting please!!"

Aw Miriam 💔😢

"Wait, this doesn't end here."

OH MY GOD WHAT NOW?!?!?

"Tom, we know about your totem."

WHAT IS YOUR PLAN HERE?!?!?! I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

DO YOU WANT TO GET ELIMINATED?!?!?

"Alec, Ellie, and I voted for Jake. So if you don't use your totem to save your little dumb boyfriend, he's gone tonight."

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?

SO YOU'RE ASKING TOM TO USE THE IDOL. WHY?!???!! THAT SCREWS YOU OVER.

Unless she's lying and she and Alec flipped...

But THAT WOULD BE EVEN WORSE.

You betray Ellie, YET AGAIN. You LOSE HER as an ally.

Unless you're trying to boot her and have her be 5th place. BUT THEN YOU HAVE JAKE AND MIRIAM AS AN ALLIANCE TO WORRY ABOUT.

YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THIS. YOU DON'T NEED TO GASLIGHT JAKE. YOU DON'T NEED TO SAY ANY OF THIS SHIT.

Just convince Ellie to be on your side to get her to flip, vote for who you want out, convince Tom & Jake to go do something that forces Tom to leave the idol behind...

AND THEN. STEAL. THE. MOTHERFUCKING. IDOL.

THAT IS THE EASIEST AND CLEANEST SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR DAMN PROBLEMS.

AND YET YOU CHOOSE TO DESTROY THESE PEOPLE INSTEAD AND MAKE THINGS TOO BLOODY COMPLICATED.

WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!?!?!?!?

"I'm sorry, I just can't leave here 4th place. I know if I stuck with you guys, I'd never make the finals."

"And you decided you'd mess with my personal trauma just to get further in the game?!"

YESS!! BE PISSED!!!!!!! CALL HER OUT!!!!!

"You're screwed up Ellie. You need help!"

"Actually... yes."

*snicker* Okay, that was good.

"I don't ever want to talk to you again!"

"No need to yell like that."

UM, LET'S BE HONEST. I THINK JAKE DESERVES TO BE VOCAL HERE. HE WAS GASLIT BY YOU GUYS.

"Times running out Tom. What'll it be?"

Don't play it Tom.

They're tricking you. Don't play it.

Though that's kinda bad on his end, cause that'd be him saying "Nah, fuck you Jake. Go to the bus and drive it to hell."

"Tom, please, I know I've been bad, but I promise, if you save me, we can talk tomorrow and work things out!!"

I don't think that's gonna happen...

He's begging so bad here 😭

You screwed up Jake. You screwed up...

"What's stopping you from believing another lie they tell you tomorrow?"

Insert my rant before here.

"Tom, I get that you're mad at Jake, but if he goes, you and I will go right after."

No I don't think that's how it's gonna work...

My heart is HURTING right now btw. I'm actually shaking.

"Why are you so relaxed?! If Tom plays the idol on Jake, we're screwed!"

EXACTLY. WHAT'S YOUR PLAN HERE?!??!?!?! IT MAKES NO SENSE.

"Can I please read the votes people?!"

The host is just done with it...

"I'm going to use my totem to save Jake."

Aw....

Even after everything he loves you... 😭

No...

They flipped. They HAD to have flipped...

Oh no...

*I'm burying my face in my hands to hold back wet eyes*

They flipped.

She's so unbothered. They flipped.

They flipped.

*DREAD* THEY FLIPPED.

Is the next one Tom?

I KNEW IT

I KNEW IT OH NOOOOOOO...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO😭

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

I have a bad feeling... Jake voted Tom cause he was mad.

He was trying to throw his vote on Tom to save the trouble, AND IT BACKFIRED HORRIBLY.

*Buries face in hands again*

I can't... I can't... no...

"I wonder whose fault that was."

Yeah...

"Tom, I'm sorry, please, you have to forgive me-"

"SHUT UP."

"YOU AND I ARE DONE. DON'T EVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN."

💔😭💔

Oh my god...

Oh my god no...

No...

Oh god...

So... I'm not welling up bawling or anything...

But I am SHAKING.

I am SCREAMING.

I am on the verge of CRYING.

I fell nauseous, so add THROWING UP on that list too.

I'm so upset.

I mean I get it, villains gotta villain, but holy shit...

They were doing so well too. They could've been so great together!

THEY COULD'VE GOTTEN CHINESE TOGETHER LIKE THEY WANTED

GODDAMMIT...

This is some shit Heather would do.

And did.

I mean... compare that episode to this episode as much as you'd like. I don't really care.

My heart is actually sunken right now.

That hurt.

I think this elimination broke me.

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH?!

Is Jake pissed? He's gotta be.

"The plan worked out great. We kicked out the biggest threat in challenges, the totem was misused, and now Jake hates Ellie."

YOU SUCK FIORE. I HATE YOU.

I HOPE YOUR KARMA COMES SOON.

"I was playing with fire when I sided with Fiore and Alec. I should have seen through their tricks."

Yeah Ellie. YOU TOO.

Though I don't necessarily HATE YOU, cause you were just following a plan, but GOOD LORD YOU FUCKED UP YOUR ENTIRE GAME.

WHY WOULD YOU SIDE WITH THE BACKSTABBERS YET AGAIN?!?!

AND NOW BOTH SIDES WANT YOU GONE.

YOU ARE AN IDIOT. I'M DONE SAYING YOU'RE NOT.

"I won't rest until Ellie is sitting on the bus of losers!"

👏

YES JAKE! GET REVENGE!!!!!!!

So... yeah. We stan Jake in this household. And he deserves this.

He gets slay pass from me.

And he BETTER get revenge!!!

I SUPPORT HIM.

He's stupid, but I SUPPORT HIM.

🔥OPERATION GET REVENGE ON ELLIE IS A GO!🔥

...and I deserve it too because I put them in the heading and destroyed their ship with it. So you know what?

🔥OPERATION GET REVENGE ON GOLDEN IS A GO!🔥

Awww Tom 😭

I'm so sorry Tom. YOU DID NOT DESERVE THAT.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE PUT THEM IN THE HEADING.

I SUNK THE SHIP.

I wish I could give you a virtual hug but I'm out of images... 😭

I WOULD be happy to see Gabby again, but also... I'm too upset right now 😂😭

Oh my god...

You know, I compared that to the TDI Episode for a reason. I see the similarities. The one where Trent gets booted.

And THAT was my least favorite episode of that season too!

...okay I mostly just hate THIS episode because of the feels. So it's completely subjective. Objectively I'd have to think about it.

I mean at least in this one there wasn't any sexual harassment involved. So that's a plus.

Um... so couple things.

Ellie flipped. Didn't see that coming.

I'm very mixed on how I feel about this.

On the one hand, I think her plan was dumb. This is the THIRD TIME Fiore & Alec betrayed her. And by the first time, stretching the second, she should've known damn well that siding with them was a bad idea and would lead to an even worse outcome than if she stayed with the Tom Jake & Miriam alliance. If she stayed with them and they were final four, yeah she probably would've been next pick to go, but also, she doesn't know what the Final Four challenge is. There could not be an elimination ceremony. If it's a sudden death round, then I'd say she'd beat Jake no problem. And even if there was an elimination ceremony, Tom wasn't here to win, Jake lost his motive, and Miriam turned over a new leaf. If you were all on good terms, one of them would've understood and dropped out for her sake as a sign of friendship. Course I can't guarantee that, but think about your odds with Fiore and Alec, two people known for betraying and screwing people over. Take your pick. And by doing all... THIS. BOTH SIDES don't want her, and now unless she gets immunity, SHE'S FUCKED.

On the other hand, she has a sympathetic motive. I can admit that. She has a reason for what she does, and it's completely understandable. Her lifestyle and circumstance sucks. And she NEEDS this money more than anyone else. So yeah, she has to play the game the best and most strategic way she can with the hand she's been dealt. And in circumstances of the social game, there was a disadvantage she had. So her resorting to "I'll do WHATEVER IT TAKES to win that money" IS a very interesting route to take for a character in this kind of show. And I am very fond of that idea.

Are you willing to ditch your morals and your relationships to get that money? It seems like to her, that answer is yes.

I DO NOT HATE ELLIE. Okay? I get her POV and I took it to account. This is a VERY complicated situation.

My problems aren't with Ellie as a character, my problem is the strategy she decided to go with.

I already said this, but there's gameplay, and then there's being personal. Which that DEFINATELY was. She re-ignited a guy's traumas that she KNEW about, just for her own selfish benefit. She ruined his relationship. She REALLY broke him mentally. IT IS NOT OKAY.

Cause let me say this: It is possible for her to have been strategic, AND not personally hurt anyone with it.

There were A LOT OF WAYS, actually.

Stay in the Tom/Jake/Miriam alliance and make it to the Final 4. They're good people who are taking the time to understand you, and so long as you are on good terms with them, you're more likely to make them helpers to your victory rather than as enemies to defeat.

"But what if she can't trust that and Fiore and Alec is the better option?" Okay, then flip. Cause a tie. So long as they think you're on their side, they won't vote you, they'll vote either Fiore & Alec. You can explain your reasoning in the tiebreaker and claim you'll side with whoever wins said tiebreaker.

"But what if a tiebreaker is too risky and you have to have Fiore & Alec's side win?" Then lie and deceive to all three members of the other alliance. Make them think "Oh, Fiore is the better option to vote" "Alec is the better option to vote", so there's no communication. Jake is at least gullible enough to believe something like that. So he throws his vote, your 3 vote with Fiore & Alec is the majority, and one of the people in the other alliance get out.

"But what about the idol?" In this universe, Tom got the idol. He told Ellie he was getting it. She could've convinced Tom "Hey, give that to me, I need it more and I can help you if you take me to the finale." If Tom agrees, you have an idol and you are in a much more protective position than you were previously.

"But what if Tom doesn't want to give anyone his idol?" Are you ready for it?

STEAL. THE. FUCKING. IDOL.

The game NEVER says that the one who finds it is the only one who can use it. So if you STEAL it, you can use it to nullify the other alliance's votes and get someone there the boot instead.

You didn't need to pull any of this flipping bullshit that Fiore & Alec did here. It was a complication that was not necessary.

"But what if Tom doesn't ever part with his idol?" Then MAKE HIM part with it! Invite Tom and Jake to go swimming or something, a situation that forces Tom to not take the idol with him, and when no one is in the cabin, make an excuse to leave, and steal the idol.

"But what if Tom notices the idol is gone?" Make a fake idol. Ellie knows what the idols look like. Gabby used one for her. You can find some twigs and sticks to craft a fake one. You can swap out the two.

And if you're really gonna side with Fiore and Alec, which again, is not the option I would go with but whatever, then you successfully get one of the other alliance's members out, and you get majority and power. AND you don't sour any relationships that put a TARGET ON YOUR BACK.

I'm just saying, there WAS a way out of this mess.

She CHOSE to go along with Fiore's plan to hurt Jake and Tom to that degree. So either she's stupid for thinking there was no other way, or she's a sociopath.

And when it comes to Jake, I would ESPECIALLY not go the personal route because Jake is a very emotional person! You hurt him to that degree, HE WILL GUN FOR YOU AND YOU WILL NEED TO SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN TONIGHT 🔫

This is a pretty morally complicated situation. Fiore's obviously the worst of them all and she's a psychopath and she did everything wrong morally. That's something I think we can all agree on without much argument.

And Jake...

Um, with some of the scenes and discussions in this episode, I FEEL like this episode is trying to make me HATE Jake. They keep slandering him quite a bit here.

And like... he WAS stupid and emotionally impulsive. Traits that have been there since day one. He did not do the right thing here and he made a mistake and suffered the consequences for it.

But I'm sorry, this is gonna annoy some people, I WILL BE A JAKE APOLOGIST

He was GASLIT this entire episode. By a friend he trusted with some very personal information. Said friend ignited his PTSD, that CLEARLY affected him, and purposefully did so, so it would CAUSE his flaws to be ignited.

Yes it's his fault those flaws are even there. But when he was getting better and finding people he could work on something with, others took advantage of him and brought them back with triggers.

Yes these are PTSD triggers.

Trust me. I've been gaslit in my life multiple times in the past. I know these are very appropriate reactions.

And on top of that, he DID try to see through this lie, questioned it, and DID try to talk to Tom about what was going on. But the episode both told and showed that Ellie was preventing him from doing that and putting more fuse in that fire each time he questioned it.

THAT IS GASLIGHTING.

He also, AGAIN, realized his mistake, apologized for it, and WANTED to make up for it. BUT IT WAS ALREADY TOO LATE.

So OF COURSE Jake is gonna believe this shit and act the way he did. I DO NOT BLAME HIM, PERSONALLY.

So... yeah. If you thought this would be the episode where I hate Jake, you thought wrong. My thoughts became the opposite. XD

I'm on his side. I completely understand why he's pissed and in my opinion, he has EVERY RIGHT TO BE PISSED.

What these people did to him was FUCKED UP.

I SUPPORT HIM WANTING REVENGE.

I said this during the reaction too. If Jake was actually whining 24/7 before this, if he never questioned the lie whatsoever and Ellie never needed to add more fuel to it for it to work, if he didn't apologize for shit, if he had the chance to talk to Tom and chose not to, IT WOULD BE A DIFFERENT STORY. But the evidence is there that... I just fail to see how this was his fault.

He got gaslit and taken advantage of.

AND WHAT DID HE EVER DO TO YOU?!?!

I'm not saying Jake doesn't have flaws he needs to work on. It's because of said flaws he became a target. I'm saying the reasons why these flaws were ignited were understandable here and thus completely fail to convince me that I should hate him.

He needs to get better, but it's not his fault if other people are pulling him away from doing that.

But sure, let's blame the target for the gaslighting and manipulation and not the people DOING said gaslighting and manipulation.

If the dog is being abused by the human, I guess you blame the dog because it let itself be abused. Therefore the dog deserves all the hate and blame.

"Fuck Jake! He did exactly what we wanted him to! What an asshole! He deserves the worst!"

(If you hate him though, I can’t stop you and its wrong on my end to claim you’re wrong when it’s an opinion)

Tom, my sweet, I am so sorry, you don't deserve this treatment.

I knew he was gone, but I didn't think he'd go like THAT. That was BRUTAL.

I thought they were gonna be happy! Gosh NOOOOO...

Oh god... so I think my reactions just got ten times more polarizing. I'm sorry. This is a very morally complicated and polarizing situation. What do you expect?

If you guys want me to continue these reactions, be sure to let me know.

[yellowkitkieran]

In My Plans (Kieran Tierney)

Masterlist

Word Count: 2.6k

Summary: NSFW! Kieran tries to break things off when he gets news of his transfer, but you refuse to let him.

"I'm going to Spain."

Though you're good at hiding your emotions, the pain that flickers across your face is unmissable. It is there and gone, replaced by a bright, genuine smile by the time Kieran has blinked. 

"Baby that's great! You'll get tons of playing time, and you won't have to worry about getting called up for scotland. You'll be a shoe in! They won't be able to say no when they see you scoring more goals than any left back in the prem."

Your hands settle on Kieran's chest, though the gesture provides none of the usual comfort. His stomach has become home to a roiling ocean, complete with thunderclouds and boisterous waves. He's contemplated this all week, trying to decide the best course of action. Spain isn't just a short train ride away like Newcastle would have been. Spain requires a plane, and multiple free days for you to dedicate to visiting him. With so much on your plate already between finishing your degree and hunting for the perfect place to start your career, Kieran can't be selfish. He cannot expect you to set aside what precious little free time you have for him. He cannot, in good conscience, ask you to move with him either. So in his mind, there's only one option. 

Kieran takes your hands in his, cool against his clammy palms. Despite the lack of options, Kieran doesn't want to do this. It will hurt you both, but in the end he believes it to be the right thing to do. So he kisses each of your fingertips one by one, purposely avoiding the question he is sure to find in your eyes. But per usual, you know him too well. His silence speaks volumes, practically screaming his discomfort. You read his mind, plucking the thought from his head and giving it a life by voicing it. 

"I'm not leaving you." 

Kieran sighs, dropping his hands to rest on your waist. Even now, on the brink of losing you forever, he is powerless to keep from touching you. You are his comfort, his person, the one he wishes to be with forever. It's a shame that it has to end this way, but it's best for you in the long run. 

"A full season is a long time to ask you to wait for me-"

"I don't care," you interrupt, firm and unyielding. "You're in my plans Kieran- I know your gaffer let you down when he said that but… you know I won't. I'll follow through. I'm not gonna run away just because I can't see you every day. I love you too much for that. Do you really think I would give this up so easily? That I wouldn't fight for us?" 

The hurt carried on your words is nearly too much for him to bear. "I cannae ask you to wait here for me. I'll be in Spain, you'll be here for school… it's not fair to ask you to wait. I think it's best for us both if we don't drag this out.."

If he's being honest, Kieran has been waiting for this moment. When he's dated in the past, his partners have always left when things got hard. Distance like this isn't something many people are willing to overlook, even in the face of once-in-a-lifetime love. 

"Kieran-" 

"Look, I dinnae ken when I'll be able to come visit, and I know you won't let me fly you out every weekend-"

"Kieran."

He powers on, ignoring your chastising eyes as his hands begin to tremble. "It's too far. It's too long. We can't- I won't let this wreck you, I won't be responsible for that. Maybe if you're single when I get home, we could see about trying again but I don't expect you to be." His world is irreversibly changing and he doesn't like it. He likes the idea of causing you pain even less, though. 

"Kieran. Stop." 

Kieran's eyes are wild like that of a frightened deer. He flinches when your hands come up to his jaw, then settle on either side of his neck. Pulse frantic beneath your fingertips, Kieran searches for any reassurance in your face. He is wound tighter than a cornered lion, set to lash out at anyone unfortunate enough to be nearby. 

When your lips meet Kieran's brow, he nearly sobs. "I don't want anyone else." His body shakes when your mouth slowly makes its way down the bridge of his nose, and he lets a tear fall when your kiss soothes his soul. "I want my Kieran, my bold, witty Scotsman and no one else." It's a ghost of a kiss, nothing more than a quiet promise, but it is enough. "Distance doesn't scare me, we can make it work. But losing you? That's terrifying. My worst nightmare." When your fingers thread into his hair, nails scratching at his scalp, all of Kieran's fears leave with his exhale. 

"I'm staying," you murmur, holding his gaze when he finally looks up. "I can look after the house for you, sleep here a few nights a week… It'll be nice to be in a place with so many memories when I miss you." Kieran draws strength from your unwavering voice. "I'll keep things clean, make sure it's not so dusty that your allergies act up when you come home to visit." 

Kieran uses his grip on your waist to pull you into his lap, one knee on either side of his thighs. Your weight comforts him like it always has, the same way a weighted blanket helps some with their anxiety.  You use the pads of your thumbs to collect the moisture on his cheeks before giving him a proper kiss, one that Kieran finds the energy to return by tilting his head up to meet yours. 

"I love you." Kieran tucks his head in the crook of your neck, arms like a vice around your waist. He's afraid if he lets go, you'll realize your mistake. He is terrified that you might change your mind and walk out his front door without a second thought. He needs you, probably more than you realize. He shouldn't be so attached after only six months, but losing you would feel like playing with a missing limb. 

"And I love you Kieran, so so much. I love you so much that if I wasn't in my last semester, knee deep in my dissertation, I'd drop out and follow you to Spain."

"I wouldn't let you." Kieran shakes his head, nose rubbing your neck as he does so. The sensitivity causes you to squirm, rewarding him with a whiff of your peony and rose perfume. It's the one he picked out for you a few weeks ago, the glass bottle engraved with your name and the date of your anniversary. He loves the way it smells on you, complimenting your shampoo and creating his own personal bouquet that he'd gladly enjoy every day. 

Your voice drops to a conspirators whisper, your breath hot on his ear. "I'd quit in secret darling. You wouldn't know it until I showed up at your doorstep in Spain with everything I owned in two cases."

"Two cases? That's all you'd need?" 

"I'm a light packer." Your cheeks rests atop his head and Kieran feels the last of his fear drain from his overworked muscles. "Mostly it would be the shirts I've stolen from you and some photos in one case, and the other would be filled with books and trinkets. I don't need much to survive, aside from you."

Not for the first time, Kieran is eternally grateful for how adept you are at switching off his brain. When he finds himself on a proverbial ledge, you're the one he wants to have to talk him down. When he feels the weight in his boots, you're the one that reminds him to take them off and shake them out. Your voice is the only one that can quiet the 'what ifs' in his head, leaving behind a garden of promises to be redeemed in the future. 

It might be a purr that Kieran lets out when you card your fingers in his hair again. Whatever it is, it's something born of unfiltered gratitude. Never has he loved someone as hard as he's loved you. He didn't dare dream that someone could love him with the same intensity, let alone someone as perfect for him as you. Kieran could conquer the world with you at his side, his rightful queen who cradles his heart in her hands. 

Kieran feels your cheek lift with a smile when his lips trail over your shoulder, left exposed by the well-worn neck of the shirt you stole from him. He rests his forehead on your damp skin, wanting nothing more than to melt into you until he becomes nothing more than a part of you. 

"I love you." Though he's muttered the words a dozen times in the last hour alone, it still doesn't feel like nearly enough. He wants the seriousness of his love to strike you like cupid's arrow, the heart shaped scar forever serving as a reminder of the man who will one day make you his wife. 

"You keep saying that…" your arm encircles his head, keeping his mouth on your skin. "Why don't you take me up to bed and show me how much you love me, Key?"

Kieran doesn't need to be told twice. Strong fingers dig into your thighs as he lifts you up, reaching the stairs in three long strides. He takes them two at a time, not eager to find his own pleasure but eager to help you find yours. Tonight will be about you and only you, and proving himself worthy of your unwavering love. It won't hurt to give you something to think about while he's gone, either. 

Flicking the lights off as he enters, Kieran sets you in the center of his bed with a tenderness you've come to love. With previous lovers you found yourself craving things hard and fast, wanting it to be over as quickly as possible. But with Kieran? You'd beg for hours with him, each artfully placed kiss or drag of his fingers against your skin leaving you with an insatiable craving for more. 

Your head tips back when Kieran lowers his mouth to your throat, his downy lips leaving shining kisses on your heated skin. You're already desperate for him, desperate to touch and be touched by this god of a man. You know he'll be especially soft tonight after his earlier vulnerability, and somehow that only turns you on more. 

"I love you," he murmurs, accent impossibly thicker than the last time he said it. His brown doe eyes see straight through you, penetrating right to your soul. Something tugs in your chest, heightening your desire and stoking the fire in your gut.  

Sliding your fingers in Kieran's hair, you tug hard until he gets the idea and kisses you properly. It starts soft, nothing more than a peck, but the second his tongue darts over your lips you open for him, wanting him to explore your mouth until he's mapped every bare inch of you. His tongue doesn't fight yours but moves in tandem, complimenting you in the most basic and intimate way possible.

Your leg develops a mind of its own, hitching over Kieran's hip to beg him to come closer. He relents, allowing his hips to press against yours while you helplessly squirm under him. You need something, anything, to ease the ache that has already started in your core. 

Kieran correctly interprets the way you claw at his shirt to mean you want it off. You're left slack jawed when he throws the fabric aside, his bare chest on full display for you. Soft, teasing touches are your weapon of choice as you trace each dip and curve of muscle that makes up Kieran- your Kieran. The only man you ever wish to see this way. 

When your hand reaches the button of his jeans, Kieran's hand circles your wrist to stop you. "Not me- just you." 

Oh, you're in for a long night.

Liquid fire melts you from the inside out when Kieran eases you out of your bottoms and kisses his way down your abdomen. His hot breath ghosts over your folds, already slick with your arousal. 

"I love you so-" Kieran flicks his tongue over your bud, eliciting a moan from deep in your chest, "fucking-" another, harder this time, "much." When Kieran sucks lightly on your clit, your vision explodes with black dots. He's barely done anything at all and you're already whining, his name dropping from your lips like dew as he spreads your juices with his tongue. 

Kieran's chin shines nearly as much as his glazed eyes when he pulls away for air. "Taste so fucking sweet baby- I'll never get sick of it."

"Probably taste even better mixed with your cu-" You gasp when Kieran surprises you by plunging two fingers into you. He pumps them in the perfect rhythm, attuned to your body and what you enjoy. You watch, eyelids heavy, as Kieran sucks on his tongue, then opens his mouth and lets his spit spread over your cunt. 

Your incoherent moans take the shape of his name. 'Kieran' is the only thing you manage to babble out as he fucks you with his fingers, curling them to drag across your gspot with each pass. 

As the seconds tick by, your spine begins to arch. When Kieran adds a third finger you nearly explode- perfectly stretched and wonderfully fitted with just the slightest bite of pain from the fullness. Kieran moans against you himself when you sink your nails into his shoulders, begging for him to be impossibly closer. Muscle ripples under your fingers as he works his own in and out of you, searching for the release he knows you're teetering on. 

You're right there, right-

Kieran's free hand snakes up your stomach to toy with your breast, pinching and squeezing your nipple. That last push of pleasure is all you need to ascend. Mouth open in a silent scream, you unravel around Kieran, his fingers continuing to fuck you through your high as you struggle to breathe. They go still when you suck in air, filling your lungs with sweet, salty scented oxygen as you start to come down. 

Kieran leaves his fingers where they are, kissing the insides of your thighs while you come to. Your heart races for a fair few minutes, though eventually you find enough of your wits to smile at what just went on.

"I that think-" You shake your head, words jumbling in the aftermath of your release. "I think that proves how much you love me. God, Kieran- you're perfect."

You whine when Kieran withdraws his fingers. That whine quickly turns into a moan when he licks them clean, cheeks hollowed to lap up every last bit of you that remains. "I don't think it does… we're gonna need three more rounds at least before I believe it."

And really, who are you to deny him?

"Better get to work then Tierney," you grin, settling back on the pillows and spreading your legs further, "Because the sun is setting. Tick tock."

[aesolerin]

Did you ever hear about that digital presentation/lecture one of the Red Hook fellas gave on how they put together the game visually and inspirationally? (Fun Fact: Jester turned out the way he did because Bourassa hates the DnD Bard stereotype, lol) I'm mentioning this in particular because he went over Leper as an example in terms of symbolism incorporated into his design

(which, side tangent to that: Leper's blocky and metallic aesthetic was inspired by Iron Man! the more you know, lol)

This was put out onto YouTube before Red Hook made it fully clear DD2 was gonna be a thing, which made it all the more notable when people later realized that one of the pictures used on that slide was of Leper's DD2 character design. So, everything he was talking about here was likely with Leper's canon DD2 backstory in mind. This is important because:

One of the points Bourassa mentioned was the fact that Leper has a "broken sword for a broken man".

That by itself is already brutally sad, but rest assured! It gets worse if you think about it long enough. After all, do you remember when that happened in his backstory? If not, lemme stop being coy for a moment to help you in drawing some conclusions:

The Leper's sword broke in killing off his advisors.

It wasn't the diagnosis that got to him. Neither was it leaving his kingdom behind. It was in breaking the oath he made to himself that he would protect everyone in his kingdom. Because, treacherous or not, his advisors were still part of his kingdom. It was only a small handful of people, sure. And yes, it's true that they couldn't be trusted to take actions in good faith once he was gone. And it likely was the right thing to do, at the end of the day.

But justifications don't erase the stark truth that he murdered his own subjects in cold blood.

And THAT shattered him (and his sword) more than a simple diagnosis or self-exile ever could.

Because, the thing is: someone can believe that their actions were objectively the best possible option and justifiable, while considering those same actions subjectively horrifying and unforgivable. After all, murder is still murder no matter the motivation, and some folks deeply take that to heart.

~~~~~~

Of course, this is only true if I remembered that presentation correctly, as I haven't tried to look it up to verify it, lol. You got any thoughts on it, yourself? Assuming you hadn't already realized that on some level, of course - for all I know, you could have drawn this conclusion a long time ago and never brought it up because you thought it was obvious! xD

Or, on the other side of it, there's no reason you should feel the need to change how you characterize our fave Leper buddy, y'know? Though, imo, it's not particularly contradictory to how we normally characterize him. This is just another angle you could look at him from if you wanted to in your writing, shippy or otherwise!

(Though speaking of shipping: this creates another interesting level to think about Leper's dynamic with Jester, no?)

(Maybe Jester needs to get his king to forgive himself by comparing their past actions. If Baldwin finds nothing wrong with what Sarmenti did, which was spurred on by a much more selfish - if entirely sympathetic - motivation, why should Baldwin go about putting his own actions on a pedestal of guilt? Unless he's implying that he's supposed to be morally better than Jester, which I'm p sure both of them would hate to draw as a conclusion.)

(Or maybe Leper sees it as another way they can understand each other that others may not grasp. That while they may be stained by their past actions, it doesn't make the two of them inherently unlovable or deserving of suffering. It's a burden they can help each other bear due to their own personal experience with it.)

(Or maybe Jester is tired of all this masturbatory self-flagellating fuckery and would much rather he and Leper get down to something a bit more literal in its sexual nature. Wouldn't put it past the Silly fella)

thank you much for providing that link to the video! which i will in turn provide in full, because it is a very fun and thought-provoking talk overall, not just the Leper stuff!!

(and, as someone who's played lots of bards, ☹ [but i will point out i've never played one of those horny bards at least])

i do very much agree that retaliating and killing his traitorous advisors was a huge turning point for Leper, and a source of at least some degree of internal conflict for him.

was it a moment of freedom and liberation, finally justified in doing something about those poison-tongued sycophants?

was it a moment of horror and regret, killing treasonous-but-still-subjects of his?

was it a moment of resignation and cold calculation, defending himself against attackers seeking to kill him?

was it a moment of inevitability and hollowness, knowing something of this magnitude was bound to happen after his diagnosis?

some bits of all four? fluctuating day-by-day, nightmare-by-nightmare?

as Bourassa said, a broken sword for a broken man. no matter the literal golden facade he puts up, Leper is still a broken man looking for something as he battles the horrors of the Hamlet/the world. at least this is an unexpected connection he shares with Jester, right?

i will admit it's not something i've commented much on in my fics, as Jester's trauma is just so much more, but i certainly have thoughts!

way back in my first DD fic, Dreams, Jester notes that royal blood on their hands is something they share, and Leper smiles as he says “Hence the beauty I see in your bloody finale. Such cruelty and abuse should be responded to in kind."

in Bow, something about the assassination attempt seems to have severely fucked up the Veiled Emperor's sense of trust.

believe me friend, when it is finally revealed, i am going to have so much fun 😊

these are some wonderful(ly painful) thoughts you've shared, and again thank you for putting this talk on my radar!!

[thatgirl4815]

I sent a very similar ask to bird-inacage, so sorry if you see this twice. But I have been looking for someone to flail at this about and I thought of you both because I like your SandRay takes! I was thinking about the two clips from next week's preview and also the fight in Sand's apartment from the trailer and I have a theory for how I would like it to go down. What I am hoping will happen (but I am doubtful because when has this show ever given Ray and Sand the least painful option?) is: After Sand shuts down Ray's friendship request after he and Mew enter their boyfriend era, and then Ray has his little jealous fit at the party, Ray goes to Sand's place to try to talk him into maintaining their current dynamic with the intention of keeping Sand on the hook, because the way Sand treats him makes him feel good. Maybe he even whips out that "If you're my friend you must take care of me in every way" line again? Sand finally draws a line with the "Do you think I have no dignity?" line from the OST and lays out that he wants a boyfriend or nothing. Which leads to Ray having another jealousy/entitlement-fuelled meltdown and hitting back that he doesn't want to be Sand's boyfriend and his life is going down the toilet since he met Sand anyway and honestly probably calls him a whore again because he is currently committed to being The Worst. Anyway, as painful as that would be, I hope it happens before Mew inevitably drops him, because it would give us a) Sand having a backbone, which I have missed and b) a nice ironic foundation for when Sand's ex eventually shows up and Ray gets to have a full-bore jealous meltdown over it and hopefully actually take a good hard look at his feelings and choices for once.

Hi! Thank you for the compliment--being at all compared to @bird-inacage is an enormous compliment in and of itself :)

As far as your theory goes: yes, I definitely think the SandRay apartment fight will be easier to move past the sooner it happens. I'm kind of at odds with myself, because while I find Ray's possessiveness of Sand very toxic, it also makes for a lot of juicy drama AND the potential for him to finally come to terms with why he feels so possessive at all. At the same time, I desperately need Sand to put his foot down like you said. It seems like Sand has been fighting for Ray this entire time, but I want Ray to fight for Sand.

What this all boils down to is whether or not Ray sees Sand as more than a distraction. I'd argue that he does, based on all of the development we have seen between the two of them thus far that goes beyond Sand's caretaking behavior. There's a foundation there, and I think that's easy to overlook with this whole RayMew cloud hanging over us. In other words: it's easy to believe Ray doesn't care about Sand now that he has Mew, but beneath all of his arrogance and selfishness, I think Ray does care. And I'm gonna go with that until I'm proven wrong, for my own sanity, haha.

Your theory makes me wonder where the last bathtub scene fits in?:

Because they appear to be in an okay-place here, holding hands and all, so I wonder if we'll see that before the big apartment fight? Hopefully it comes after. And the 'I won't let you walk away' scene at the school...I go back and forth between thinking that scene comes before the apartment fight or after.

All in all, I really like that theory and think we could see a sequence of events that follows that pretty closely, though knowing the writers they will give us maximum heartbreak. We are not safe from part 4/4--everything bad seems to go down there. Ray will likely run after Sand next ep as soon as he thinks his hold on Sand is slipping, but that'll only lead to more arguments between them. It's the perfect opportunity to Sand to stand up for himself like he did in Ep4.

Finally, what's the deal with Ray calling Sand a whore anyway? I understand it's a dirty insult, but it's ironic coming from him, who offered to pay Sand to sleep with him (which he very clearly refused) and has been the one instigating their sexual relationship ever since. But maybe that's the point.

Anyways, I love reading theories, particularly hopeful ones (I need some of that right now lol), so thank you for thinking of me! :)

[leomonae]

Soooo it turns out that if you're playing a do-gooding, self-sacrificing bleeding heart type who's basically contractually obligated by their religion to take on suffering in place of others doing so and also gives a fuck about what happens to the githyanki as a society...

(Massive spoilers ahoy!)

... you kind of inevitably wind up an illithid? Which, okay, fine, cool cool cool, as a healer this is pretty much the only time I've been at all effective in combat except when we're frying undead so that part is pretty awesome and apparently Ilmater is totally cool with all this since I still have my cleric powers, except now my prettyboy vampire boyfriend refuses to kiss me anymore, on the grounds that it won't work with my new mouth :(

The thing is, though, I've been mulling this over for the past fucking day I've been unable to just finish the damn game because of this slow-ass patching process courtesy of GOG, and I think I actually kind of adore this outcome? No, really, I could see this being great for Tav and Astarion's relationship, once he's had enough time to get over the whole... eldritch horror aspect of it all!

Benefit one: Tav's lifespan just became a total non-issue for them! Sure, I don't know and wasn't finding much regarding illithid lifespans, but my Tav was a human before; pretty much anything would be an improvement on that, next to how long a powerful elven vampire could expect to live. And honestly, illithid lifespan isn't even that important in that regard, because they have other options Tav could now actually take. There's no way she'd have ever agreed to becoming a vampire before, but now that the "I prey upon mortals to survive" line has already been crossed? The details of how she's going to handle things ethically hammered out? Why not go full-on vampiric illithid at this point, if that extends their time together? Hells, she could jump straight to illithilich if she wanted!

Benefit two: illithid are sexless. Sexless, but - crucially - with the potential to still be sex-positive, if we take that little interlude with the Emperor which broke my brain so badly the other week at face value. The most obvious implication of the narration was that what the mind flayer gets out of the whole experience is what their partner is putting in: that it's due to their psionic link, or whatever. Sure, there are still questions as to what part the tadpole played in facilitating said connection, but it's not like there aren't any other sources of mind reading or mental sharing that exist in the setting; my Tav is already running around with Detect Thoughts up constantly, I'm sure she can pick up some alternative just fine. The point is, Astarion and all his trauma just got himself a partner who not only wants him to genuinely enjoy having sex with them, but is quite likely literally physically incapable of deriving any carnal pleasure from the experience if he isn't.

Benefit three: illithid are naturally selfish and egotistical and risk-averse enough that my Tav probably just picked up a modicum of concern for her own survival, which I expect will be a massive weight off Astarion's mind after the past few weeks/months of watching her throw herself at wherever the most dangerous enemy on the field happens to be

Benefit four: illithid enjoy sunlight only marginally more than vampires do, which admittedly means that Tav is gonna have to buy a new mace soon, but also means the two of them now prefer complementary habitats and daily schedules

Benefit five: their diets are complementary too! They can split a bandit to avoid food waste!

[edit: benefit six: three times the upper limbs mean three times as many/thrice as good hugs for astarion]

In conclusion spawn Astarion + illithid Tav is clearly the happiest ending of them all, thank you for coming to my TED Talk

(also the going out in public part is pretty much a non-issue too, I tested out one of those cheap mundane disguise kits you can pick up and it worked perfectly fine even if the human female variant I used to be was not skinny and middle-aged with an afro, so I'm sure between Gale Shadowheart and Omeluum we can figure out a way of making me look like myself again in no time)