#he's so stupid i wanna kiss him so bad
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my brother's best friend
pair. miya osamu x gn!reader
content: fluff, attempts at humour, miya atsumu is a little shit, first loves, mutual pining
synopsis. miya osamu takes pride in the fact that he’s the smarter of the twins. he, in fact, is not (especially when it comes to you).
wc. 3.1k
a/n: om nom nom nom nom brother's best friend trope nom nom nom... ok i have to come clean about this fic i literally wrote the first draft for this in 2021 on WATTPAD and it's been sitting dormant forever up until recently. enjoy 🫶
oh my god, how did i end up here?
it’s the only thought repeating over and over again in osamu’s head as he sits there staring at you. you’re too preoccupied with the menu in your hands to notice his unwavering gaze, scanning through it and muttering to yourself indecisively about what to order.
of course, the question of how he ended up here on a date with you could be summarized in one simple sentence:
miya atsumu is the world’s biggest idiot.
if kita or aran were here they would surely be poking fun at him right now, lecturing him about how his dna is a perfect carbon copy of atsumu’s. and while they would be right, osamu is convinced his brother has at least 70% less brain cell capacity.
the thought makes him feel a little smug. (he’s in the class under atsumu.)
you were friends. at least as far as how often you saw each other, he considered you good friends. maybe. not that he knew all that much about you other than the fact that you were constantly... around. if he didn’t know that atsumu was the biggest knucklehead on planet earth, he would have assumed you were dating. but he knew his brother was too invested in volleyball to be seeing anyone seriously, and you didn’t didn’t seem like the type to mess around with guys like him anyways.
you were way too level-headed for that despite the raunchy, head-turning jokes you liked to tell, which honestly might be the reason why atsumu keeps you around.
whenever you came to their house, you would stick to lounging in atsumu’s room or the living room. you typically avoided disturbing osamu and the rest of their family — not like they minded having you around. no, in fact, their mother had a strange soft spot for you. you were quiet and well mannered, until it was just the three of you and suddenly an onslaught of fierce attacks on poor atsumu would commence.
for the majority of your friendship, you have stayed out of his way and he stays out of yours. you only talk to each other when deemed necessary, like when walking home from school or when you shyly greet him at the door because atsumu is on the toilet. he does, however, rejoice in the fact that there is another person on the atsumu hate train, and appreciates that you’re at least colourful with your insults. it’s impressive, really.
(he would never admit it. never. never ever. but it warms his heart a little that there’s someone out there just like him, expressing their love for miya atsumu in less conventional ways.)
you were quick witted and funny. a free source of entertainment when he would grow bored of his brother’s shenanigans. and it was a two way street, because when you needed a break from atsumu, osamu was always right there.
you were noticeably gentler with the younger of the miya twins: asking him how school was, and if he needed help with his chemistry homework, and what he had for lunch. menial little things, but sometimes he found himself thinking that it was the highlight of his day.
otherwise, your presence in his life is, as osamu considers it, indifferent.
sure, he likes to look at you. and sometimes, maybe, he wishes you and atsumu would invite him around more often. it also doesn’t help his heart when you’re so nice to him, like when you’re all having dinner together and you pretend you don’t want the last dumpling on your plate and shovel it onto his. he likes that. or when you invite yourself into their freezer for ice cream, you always make sure to grab an extra one for him. there have been multiple occasions in which you’ve wordlessly slid him your notes to copy, too.
you were good at that; knowing what others wanted and being more selfless than the average person. you’re a people pleaser, and though he and atsumu used to make fun of your type when they were kids, your charm is undeniable.
unfortunately, actually making any sort of move on you is out of the question. not only would it potentially complicate things between you and him, it would also risk putting a strain on your friendship with atsumu. making his brother’s life a living hell is what miya osamu was born into this world to do, but for some reason his stomach turns at the thought of ruining your friendship.
you were just atsumu’s cute best friend. nothing less, nothing more. and he would very much like to beat the “i fell in love with my brother’s best friend” allegations, thank you.
he realizes he’s still looking at you intently with his arms crossed over his chest. he watches as your nose scrunches a little in thought, trying to decide between their two best sellers. he sighs in relief when you get up to order for yourself, tucking a stray hair under his cap before going back to sulking with his thoughts.
atsumu had a lot of bad ideas. so many that if they sat down and listed them all out they might be there for a couple days. but this? this is his worst one yet. and how osamu managed to get roped (bribed) into this, he will never know. but here he is, and here you are, and here atsumu is not.
he really should get better at saying no to atsumu.
(“c’mon, ‘samu! please? for me?!”
“what the hell? no. that’s a shitty thing to do. just tell them ya can’t go.”
“but it’s their birthday! they were lookin’ forward to this. they’ll hate me forever if i bailed!”
“and? why would i help you? ‘specially with somethin’ so stupid. it’s your fault you didn’t plan better.”
“don’t be like that, y’know it was a last minute thing!”
a beat of silence.
“pretty please? it’s their birthday… you guys are friends too, right?”
osamu can’t believe he’s entertaining this stupid idea for even a second. you’re not an idiot. you’d know it’s him with a single glance.
“this is an all time low, even for you. they’ll notice it’s me right away. are ya crazy, ‘tsumu? hit your head or somethin’?”
“it’s just this one time! i’ll never ask ya for anythin’ ever again. never ever ever ever, i swear it.”
“...’tsumu…”
“don’t sound so tired with me! do this for your big brother. have i mentioned it’s their birthday?”
big brother? osamu scoffs loudly.
“you actually mentioned it three times. and yer only a couple minutes older than me. but... fine.”
“don’t be such a jacka- wait, what?”
“i said fine. but you owe me lunch for the next two weeks.”
“deal!”
“... are ya sure they won’t know it’s me? i mean, i really think you should reconsider-”
“oh shut up, ‘samu, we’re identical!”
“just know that i won’t hesitate to throw ya under the bus if shit hits the fan.”)
what a terrible plan. pretending to be atsumu was proving to be harder than he initially anticipated. he would have thought that spending every agonizing, waking, living hour with his brother would have trained him well enough, but atsumu is so no-chill that it’s somehow making this already horrible idea even worse with every passing second.
surprisingly, you haven’t said anything. you haven’t acknowledged the massive elephant in the room. this could only mean one of three things:
1. you’ve noticed, but you’re desperately trying to spare atsumu’s feelings and osamu’s embarrassment by not bringing it up.
2. you’re dumber than he thought. dumber than a rock, actually, if you didn’t take one look at osamu and know it was him.
3. you are a cruel, wicked, evil, deranged human being who finds osamu’s situation entirely hilarious and wants this to go on for as long as possible.
judging by your casual banter, he’s willing to bet it’s either option one or two. you’re twirling a lanyard around your finger when you finally return with your drink of choice in tow. next destination: the local aquarium. atsumu put a surprising amount of effort into planning the day.
it’s a shame he hadn’t accounted for planning himself into it.
he shouldn’t have agreed to come here.
spending time alone with you like this was bound to stir up feelings he’d long ago buried in the hollows of his heart. of the miya twins, osamu was always better at keeping his emotions under wraps. there were rare occasions in which he lost his cool, in which he was actually somehow worse than atsumu, but in general he was as level-headed as you were.
you’re ruining him and his plans to never acknowledge his feelings for you.
it’s unfair, really, how his heart seemingly gets lodged in his throat when you cling to his arm so tightly, laughing and pointing out all the funny-looking fish. and when you point at something called a vampire squid, raving about how long it took you to find one in animal crossing, he nearly crumbles to his knees and puts his head in his hands.
(in other words, he’s totally whipped. he’s not beating those allegations.)
osamu thought he could get used to looking at anyone’s face. he always found people boring — he grew up being the other half of his brother, after all. the miya twins are many things, but boring is not one of them, and to entertain them you have to be someone with a special brand of humour.
but now, as he looks at you with the soft blue glow from the tank shining against your face, he can’t help the thought that crosses his mind:
i could never get tired of this.
“... hailing from the depths of tropical and subtropical waters, the vampire squid feeds on marine snow.”
he blinks back into reality, eyes drifting from you to the sea creature you’re admiring, then back to you. “marine snow? sounds gross.”
“it’s the debris that falls to the lower levels of the ocean. lots of deep sea creatures feed that way since it saves them the energy of needing to go hunt.”
osamu seems skeptical. “they really just eat anythin’ like that?”
your head turns to look at him. there’s a little smile playing on your face, like you seem amused by what he just said. “sounds like someone i know.”
he makes a strange expression in response. were you talking about him? did you often bring him up when you were alone with atsumu? the soft and fond look in your eyes doesn’t help his racing heart. the idea that you and atsumu talk about him in private so sweetly makes his face burn slightly in embarrassment.
he shakes his head to get the thought out of his brain before stuffing his hands into his pockets.
your arm finds his again, locking together. it’s an oddly intimate action, even if you think he really is atsumu. he doesn’t know you to be the most touchy person on earth, though he supposes he can’t see what you’re like behind the closed doors of his brother’s bedroom. his blood boils for some reason.
you stop at the next tank, the one situated in the centre of the room filled high with kelp and schools of tiny fish. you’re looking at them with wide eyes, light shimmering in them. he could cry right now. you look like an angel bathed in the shadows of dancing fish as your gaze carefully follows a school circling around the top of the aquarium.
there’s a feeling swimming inside of him, unfamiliar and oh so dreadful. he can feel it in raging in every part of him — in his heart, in the fiery pits of his stomach, in his throat — and he knows exactly which word comes to mind.
miya osamu may be in the lowest class in his year, and he might share a single brain cell with his brother, but he’s read enough books to describe this feeling. he’s listened to enough love songs to know this ache in him.
if you asked him ten years from now, he’d tell you exactly the same thing as he would right now; that your first love is always petrifying.
“pretty, aren’t they?”
“yeah. real pretty.”
but he hasn’t looked at them even once. how could he when there’s a living, breathing angel standing next to him?
osamu delivers you to your doorstep that night.
it feels like a dream, the whole day and having the privilege of holding your hand and feeling your body against his.
maybe it was just the greedy monster in him speaking. the laws of the universe dictate that if it’s you and osamu, atsumu needs to be there, too. the miya twins have always come in a package. a duo. there is no just atsumu or just osamu, at least there wasn’t until you came along.
suddenly it was you and atsumu. it was atsumu and osamu, and you. but there was never just you and osamu. it didn’t work that way.
well, screw the universe and its laws. osamu never believed in that astrology shit anyways.
he’s fully prepared to keep this day an untarnished memory — something to cherish when life goes back to normal and he’s unable to stand shoulder to shoulder like this with you again.
when you lean in to kiss him, there is only one thought repeating in his mind like a mantra:
it’s just once. just one day. one last perfect memory.
you’re so close that he can feel your breath filling his lungs. his heart hammers where it rests in his chest, so loud that he can hear it thundering in his ears. it’s then that he realizes this is wrong. all of it is wrong.
he recoils back with lightning speed, and his heart aches at the sight of your disappointed and puzzled expression. but it’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to atsumu either.
he cares about both of you too much to be selfish right now.
how could he possibly risk hurting two of the people he cared most about in the world? he couldn’t be that self-centred, to be able to steal a kiss from you just to keep his memories of this day perfect.
perfect doesn’t exist if none of it is real.
“i’m not… i’m not who you think i am.”
he slides the hat off his head with shame burning in his cheeks, avoiding your eyes like a child who got caught with his hand in a cookie jar. it was time for him to be honest, both with you and himself.
“look, yer really cool. and i– crap, it’s complicated, ‘kay? i might like you. like– like you, like you. i wasn’t thinkin’ straight. 'm really sorry, i know it was wrong to string you along, i was just havin’ so much fun today that–”
his mouth suddenly comes to a halt as you reach forward and capture his cheeks between your fingers, squishing them together so he’ll stop rambling.
you look at him with a confused but amused smile. “um, ‘samu? i like you, too.”
“what?” he sputters out as much as he can with his face still held in place. his brows furrow, but all rational thoughts have stopped flowing in his mind. he’s staring at you like a flabbergasted idiot, so you continue.
“why else would i agree to go on a date with you on my birthday?”
“but– i– huh?”
your head tilts. “this was a date, wasn’t it?”
it dawns on him then. it had never occurred to osamu that there was another explanation for your strange lack of acknowledgment that he is painfully easy to see through:
4. you like him and simply thought this was a date. you like him as much as he likes you, which is a stupid amount. after all, he likes you enough to go through with an infinite number of atsumu’s terrible ideas just to make you happy.
of course you weren’t that dense. of course he was found out the second you laid eyes on him. of course he had misread the entire situation because he was blinded by his brother’s boisterous claims that they were indistinguishable.
“this is ridiculous. i can’t believe you–… atsumu somehow always pulls through even when he doesn’t mean to.”
“what do you mean?”
“whadd’ya mean, what do i mean?”
“about atsumu?”
“oh, he was freakin’ out about missin’ today and wanted me to go through this whole thing pretendin' i’m him so ya wouldn’t be mad at him.”
“but he already told me he couldn’t make it today? you really didn’t have to do… all this,” you gesture to his whole body with a flick of your wrist.
at your words osamu finally crumbles to his knees in pure agony. he looks up to the sky, to whatever god has forsaken him by making atsumu his other half, and sighs with the weight of the world on his shoulders. he can just imagine the shit-eating grin his brother has right now.
“i’m…” he pauses, carefully selecting his next words, “going to smother him with a pillow.”
you blink at him for a moment before all the pieces fall into place.
all the times you’d gushed to atsumu about your massive crush on his twin and the way he’d complain to no end about neither of you making a move, forcing him to watch on with mild disgust as his best friend and brother made goo goo eyes at each other. all the times he would “forget” his shoes at the gym and need to run back to grab them, pushing you into small talk with osamu. all the times he would suffer through your teasing just to see the two of you walking side-by-side sharing proud little smiles.
atsumu’s resume looks something like this: world’s biggest idiot, volleyball player, third-wheel, and tired wingman.
you’ll have to thank him later.
“no wonder you’ve been acting so weird all day! i thought you were just one of those guys who gets nervous on first dates!” accompanied by this statement is a laugh that makes osamu weak.
he grumbles. “what’s so funny?”
“say what you want, but you’re as dumb as ‘tsumu.”
“no… please… don’t compare me to that nitwit… i might have a heart attack at this rate.”
you snicker quietly as you help osamu back onto his feet, eyes shimmering with joy as you let his confession sink in.
“you’re right, he is an idiot.”
“dumbass.”
“moron.”
“he’s gonna hate us even more from now on,” osamu smiles uncontrollably, inching closer to you again.
“yeah?” your lips brush against his daringly, “i can live with that.”
EXTRA:
© ALABOADOA 2023 — please do not translate or post my works to other platforms.
🏷️ @hyomagiri (im dead like actually dead)
#— whispers in the wind ✧#he's so stupid i wanna kiss him so bad#haikyuu#haikyu#miya osamu#miya osamu x reader#miya osamu x you#miya osamu x y/n#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x y/n#haikyuu x you#haikyuu fluff#hq x reader#osamu miya#osamu miya x you#osamu miya x y/n#osamu miya x reader
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HAPPY KATSUKI DAY GRRAAAHHHH
PLUS SUM OC ART BLEHHH
#bakugou katsuki x reader#bakugo katuski#bakugo katsuki x reader#katsuki bakugo#katsuki bakugou#bakugo#bakugou#x oc#bakugou x oc#i wanna kiss him so bad#im crying hes so silly#n cute#n stupid#i love my boyfriend sm
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Not Only is he a bisexual icon but he also Cannot stop framing his demonic encounters as dubiously romantic without anyone or anything prompting him to
#insert that gekiman panel where nagai's editor is like 'i can't tell the difference between the sex and the violence' and nagai's like#'yes you can' here. thanks king#im surprised he never pulled out the 'ooh you wanna kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid'. a classic#sighh im supposed to not do devilman stuff until i get through my finals stuff (self-imposed so yk it's not gonna work)#but anyway.... yeah#it's so funny having exactly zero of my followers engage with this stuff. i am once again rolling out this guy you don't care about. cheers#you can't date me another guy is waiting for you. IN HELL. what a thing to say bbg what's up with that.#akira nobody said anything about dating#anyway#devilman#devilman manga#fudo akira#i love him what a guy#mm the last two don't make as much sense without context just trust me when i say the beauty thing was not prompted#he just thinks he's gorgeous and uses that as evidence for 'oh shit i think he might be satan unfortunately'#which is a very funny relationship to have with your ex. divine thing by soupdragon type dynamics
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how DARE he if he’s not going to blow my back out immediately after
#ngl i was thinking of this picture as soon as i woke up this morning#i was so warm and cozy in bed and i was like MAXIMUS SHOULD BE HERE TOO#i know his gladiator cell must have been less than comfortable#he looks like he’s trying to lay in a way that minimizes the discomfort :(#maximus PLEASE my bed is available#if his back or neck is bothering him he can get a good night’s sleep with me hehe#and a shoulder rub!#and anything else literally i am SO DOWN BAD I CAN’T STAND IT ANYMORE#look at his arms hnnhghhnanahagahh#i need my head on his chest so bad it makes me look stupid#just wanna snuggle in and run my hands over him while he falls asleep#he would be so warm 🥰 so cozy 🥰#you see that skin he’s showing??? i’m kissing EVERY inch of it#i adore him worship him lay my whole life at his feet#maximus come to my arms#my beloved my light in the morning my joy of life#gladiator#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000#russell crowe#low quality screencaps of a high quality man
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gamers... we've got a problem. and by 'we', I mean 'me'
#ash rambles 💚#so um. theres this character#very bad guy. kind of easy on the eyes. but still horrible. and for a very long time he's been popping up in my feed on every social media#that i have. and i was like 'wtf dude leave me alone'#and i said that i would NEVER fall for him because he is annoying and a genuinely bad persona#*person#and yet... why have i been... thinking about kissing him...?#he's gonna show up in the next y.akuza game and I'm a little scared to start#ive said that I'd NEVER fall for him. that I'd sooner punch myself than fall for him.#hopefully it'll just be attraction... him and an s/i would both be unattached adults.. I'm fine with things staying just physical#i think I'd die of embarrassment if i actually fell for him..#I'm not gonna fall for him....#i just keep thinking about pinning him down and making out and biting his neck and leaving plenty of marks#but. um. surely that means nothing......#this is bad... I'm not gonna fall for him. I'm not. i swear. nope. i refuse. please...#um. if you guys wanna guess... he's a y.akuza 3 character.#god I'm so embarrassed#actually. no. nothing to be embarrassed about because i DONT LIKE HIM#I'm not gonna fall for him! he's horrible!!!!!!#one night and thats it!!!!#stupid idiot guy taking over my thoughts... grrr...#you were beautiful 💸
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i love stage plays so much its just a different experience seeing your guy come to life because why is he like this (<- me before giggling and watching edits because im in love with dazai)
PLEASEEEEEEEEEE HE'S SO FUCKING SILLYYY😭😭😭😭 he makes for such a perfect dazai i fucking love it oh my goddddd yk i haven't actually watched a full stage play of anything but i have seen a bunch of clips and scenes and eeeeeeeeee they all seem sooo so so much fun i should really get into that huh..............
anyway i have two treats for you too:33333333 this little thing aaand this little thing:3333333333333333
#i miss dazai sm actually#i feel so bad when i haven't talked abt a blorbo in a minute it feels like i've abandoned them:((((((((((((((((( but i love him:(((((((((((#and i miss him;((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( i wanna flick his forehead and then press a kiss to it a second after#he's my favourite stupid#wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh#scar <3#friends!!
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Btw I’ve started playing the funny stars and time game. The the one about the loopty loop and the white diamond ass shit
#the klock keeps ticking#ive looped. 7 times now i believe 👍#i did die in battle once when i made a grave error#and honestly? im kinda feeling fed up with this shit lol its notttt clicking in my brain im stressed#and i havent really CLICKED with any characters yet either like theyre fine but im not really invested yet#at least the battle mechanics are very basic lol theyre easy enough for my small bad at fighting brain#yet despite all my frustrations. i dont wanna stop playing#i want this bastard to get more depressed i can already see they got issues#rn my favorite character is probably mira cuz what can i say i have a type for smart girls who are trying their fucking best#bonnie is nice i appreciate it greatly when they boost morale and give snacks#odile is my favorite to use in battle i cling to her like a dying man#and i like her vibes i like very tired grandma with a clear bias towards bonnie#isabeau…oh its complicated#i kinda hate his face i kinda cant stand him i think im in a bitchy mood this week and this poor guy is my outlet#i DO need to kiss him like he has a very obvious crush on siffrin and i WILL be fishing that out as much as possible#so basically im gonna talk a lot of shit about him while acting like i dont care about his feelings but actually i do care so much actually#and will probably come out of this game with an isa body pillow i kiss every night#fuck you isa fuck you and your stupid dying wife pose please kiss me now
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God- had a moment earlier today-
#so I figured out I had a crush on one of my bfs head mates#that mfs kid was in front#and he’s made it his sworn duty to wingman us#so he fucking drags the guy#into front#and thAT FUCKER#DOESNT SAY A THING UNTIL IVE FULLY CONFESSED MY CRUSH#AND MY BUDDY CHECKS TO SEE IF ANYONE WAS PEEPING#yknow so I can know who actually knows about my crush#AND THIS#THIS WONDERFUL#HORRIBLE#STUPID ASS MAN#FUCKING SWEET LIL PEA#(I hate him so much I wanna kiss him he’s so annoying and I never want anything bad to happen to her again)#SHE JUST DROPS THAT SHE LOVES ME BACK#AND THEN HE LEAVES#we aren’t dating cuz he’s actually smart and wants to take it slow#which honestly I’m thankful for#I like what we have#she’s my best friend#BUT#SHE WAS JUST. HIDING. IN FRONT#AND AAAAA#anyway I’m still blushing so hard omg#[redacted] I love you#you know who you are#personal
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St Voyager The Haunting of Deck 12 is a Tuvok/Neelix Episode.
#Neelix's crush is on full display#Neelix is the embodiment of 'you wanna kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid' I love him. It does. <3#I also love how he double duped the kids...Neelix is sly!!#told a true horror story to the kids then told them it was fake so they wouldn't be scared then went to the bridge and#pretended to be aghast at the thought of telling kids horror stories! Love him!#Neelix: Did I ever tell you about the Slaxia? / Tuvok: If I say yes will it prevent you from telling the story? / Neelix: No. The Sla-#Neelix: [story about traumatic event which makes him scared of nebulas] / Tuvok: .........Maybe put some curtains up?#Neelix: You're a genius. You're the smartest man alive <3#Also him being SO clearly scared and then Tuvok 'guessing' that he was scared & Neelix being like 'You know me SO well...!!!' crush.#two best lines are Janeway's 'THEN WE'LL DIE HERE TOGETHER!!!' and Neelix saying he'll drag Tuvok out of there by his pointy lil ears
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Knowing like 2 things about a char I'm interested in got me marinating on what he would like about me
#yikes.txt#its the anticipation for sure#idk. its a VIBE and i know im PROBABLY gonna like him#but am i gonna LIKE that i LIKE HIM? maybe. maybe not#i think he likes my idgaf to dipmo attitude#he likes provoking me. for sure. bro he irritating#like ooooo you wanna kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid :3
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Took a break from artfight attacks to make this self indulgent shitpost instead
#dude on the left is my oc bogdan btw#yeah he's inspired by heisenberg ajshjfj#these two would be besties actually#they'd bond over their shitty childhoods and impractical choice of weapons#original character#original art#oc#resident evil village#karl heisenberg#again i put too much effort for a shitpost#critter scribbles#actually now that i think about it they'd be worsties#their egos would grate against eachother karl would actually be pissed at him but bogdan is a prick and will make fun of him for it#“kill yourself” “ooo you wanna kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid”
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listening to those aether x listener asmr things on yt just to feel something
#i miss him guys#i miss our silly little conversations#i need like of of those s/o tarot readings#looks at ely (the only person i know that does taro)#he wants me so bad guys he really does#i miss aether guys#i wanna kiss his stupid little face and bite his stupid little cheeks
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i hope he knows he is one of the most beautiful things i have ever seen
#jotaro will always be my number 1 though. sorry bud#ive been really into transformers lately and he's been on my mind#both the prime version and animated version since ive been watching both of those series all the way through#both versions of the character have a lot of things i like about them#but i think prime is probably my favorite shockwave design overall (a lot of that stemming from a mix of nostalgia + just... look at him#he's just GIGANTIC and i love it)#animated + g1 right below prime in terms of fave shockwave designs#anyway i just rlly love this big emotionless robot who has begrudgingly fallen in love with me💜#u wanna kiss me so bad it makes u look stupid#and u dont even have a mouth. what a loser. i love him sm#🧪 mad scientist power couple#🧪 yearning hours#yearning hours#waves.txt
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AHSJSGDJQGEJWGEJQHEJWHEHWHEJQHSJWHSJW I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HA-
#ash rambles 💚#WHY DOES HE SAY ALL THIS DUMB SHIT...#ahem. um.#i dont have the weight of destiny on my shoulders... but i wouldnt say no to a handsome knight- AHEM#stupid idiot... i've been thinking about him so often as of late#i wanna kiss him so bad!!!!!#it always makes me flutter how he loves being ash's knight#he knows that she's strong. she literally shot him that one time-#but he still loves being her knight and protecting her 👉👈 that's the part that always gets me#AHSJAHDJHWJDHWJE maybe i love him or whatever#*makes my heart flutter#sorry y'all im tired LMAAOOO#... clearly not too tired to be a down bad idiot though
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Oh I'm so embarrassed about the reaction I'm having to The News
#my friends Robin and Leo started dating recently. which would be wonderful if not for the fact that i like Leo. a lot#and it's stupid for me to be upset about this bc i was not going to get into anything with Leo anyways#I don't think they like me like that and i was content with things being platonic between us#but thinking that they like another person over me is making me feel bad. WHICH AGAIN IS SO DUMB#LIKE. I GET IT. I'M NOT LEO'S TYPE AND ROBIN IS. SIMPLE AS THAT. THAT DOESN'T REFLECT ON OUR VALUE IN LEO'S LIFE OR OUR VALUE IN GENERAL#I KNOW#BUT IT'S STILL UPSETTING ME LIKE CRAZY#I'M SO EMBARRASSED I CAN'T BE THINKING ''what does he have that i don't'' THAT'S SO LAMEEE AND IT'S A FLAWED WAY TO LOOK AT IT.#but wait the story is even funnier#bc one time we went out clubbing and Leo was doing this thing where he tries to make out with as many ppl as possible#he had gotten to 7 so i sad wanna make it 8? and they said yea and we kissed for a bit#AND APPARENTLY. I NOW FIND OUT. THAT ROBIN STOLE MY PICKUP LINE THAT LITTLE GREMLIN#AND THAT'S THE WAY HE ASKED LEO OUT#I'M GOING TO EXPLODE#even more embarassing#is the fact that my first immediate reaction to finding this all out was to think ''oh now i REALLY need to get into something with Draxx''#Draxx is a friend that I'm kinda into. Leo introduced me to him at a party recently.#Leo does not have any sort of attraction towards him. so why did my brain plot it as some sort of poetic revenge? no fucking clue honestly#I'm upset and none of my thoughts are rational rn#don't even know why my brain wanted any revenge in the first plane it's all so absurd#big stupid feelings that I'm obviously not sharing with anyone involved#jealous and for what
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choked so hard swallowing my drink down the wrong way that I almost puked and I'm still kinda nauseous hours later, so lol. also, friend (the mutual work friend of me and my man that actually hangs out with him outside of work) witnessed and started saying something about how some people choke on things like that bad enough that it kinda spooks them from drinking and they get dehydrated out of paranoia (no idea if that's true, sounds fake but whatever, he's one of those people yk?) and my dumb ass, full of autism and pure thoughts only, said "damn, if that were a problem I wouldn't be able to put nothing in my mouth, my gag reflex is shit 😞😞" which has probably made it's way to my man. because I'm stupid and was really woozy from coughing til I almost vomited and totally didn't think of what I was saying.
#doesnt help that a few days ago we were all hanging out smoking#and i dont get high easy with others evidently but they all have MAJOR tolerance and experience and im baby#so i feel pretty mellow and dazed pretty quick when we do anything despite them all feeling almost nothing#(even though my man is very quick to tell me when something isnt even strong so idk what everyone else ive smoked with is smoking)#(because i hardly get the slightest bit chill from it any time i smoke with anyone else usually)#(but i digress)#and so i was higher than i mayhaps should have been from what i had because again hella baby#but i heard friend say *SOMETHING* that 100% had my name and i think had the word “head” in it#in like a whisper to my man who was sitting on the couch between us#and i was like “okay im feeling kinda dazed and shit and i have hearing issues and hes very much talking so i cant hear--”#“--so i shouldnt make assumptions on what he said because im probably REALLY mishearing what i did hear lol”#but then my man kinda glanced at me and made a noise (an almost laugh??) and said “nah not yet” quiet but not as much as a whisper as friend#so i do lowk wonder if i heard right lol#and if i did thats a whole other story#because pooki cmon#babygirl get real#i sleep over there not infrequently and we cuddle hella intertwined and kiss and all#ive told him that im stupid as fuck and have anxiety so i need things EXTRA communicated with me#ive hinted at kink#ive told him that i trust him fully not to force me to do anything that i dont wanna do and that as long as hell take no for an answer--#--id have no issue with him telling me what to do more often because i again trust him and would say no if i really didnt want to#(in nonsexual situations like him asking if i wanted to go run an errend with him or wait for him at his place and such)#that i was hoping hed be more confident in making a move by now#but im acespec and in zero rush because sex is take it or leave it to me#id do it for him and i really do want to but its so not a need or even much of a craving#but i might bring it up eventually if he doesnt because he is so sweet and cute and i think he just doesnt wanna assume#because he had to be told that its okay to kiss me and that he can and should talk to me at work like a normal person#so i deadass think he just doesnt want to force me into anything but is also bad at communicating so he doesnt really ask either#its just funny that i think they were talking about me giving head a few days ago and i choked and said something stupid today tho#whores lovesick musings
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