#he's so silly most of the time. his main weapon is an umbrella

[parissfrogg]

Windsor Wallace (backstory)

I recently started playing d&d again and am really proud of the story I wrote for my character's backstory so I thought I would post it!

Trigger warning for hallucinations, unreality, violence, blood, and dreath/murder

Tick Tick Tick

The clock on the wall ticked in rhythm as Windsor tapped the tip of his pencil against the paper. They were his student’s essays and he couldn’t understand a word of them. He read and reread the same sentence over and over again, but the letters garbled and distorted until they became incomprehensible.

Tick Ti-ck

Was the clock getting louder? Each tick seemed to be louder than the last, stuttering every couple of ticks. The candlelight seemed to be growing brighter too, swelling and sparking in waves so bright they almost blinded him. Something about that light was beckoning to him, pleading for him to reach his hand into the flame-

Windsor stood abruptly. He was over-tired and overworked, that was all. It had been a dreadful few months. His work as a professor at Edgewater University had been draining him bit by bit; he taught an elective class on occult literature. He had dove deep into the history of old gods, the cults surrounding them, and the stories written about them.

Did the walls whisper and sing back then? Did he always hear voices murmuring just beyond earshot?

He should go home. Even though it’s only just past noon, he should tell someone he doesn’t feel well and get some sleep. He hadn’t slept much; strange, unremembered dreams plagued his short nights and often left him trembling in his bed, unaware of his surroundings.

The whispering was not always there. Only in the last few months did bright lights and dark depths call to him and sing “Join me, you are chosen, you can mean something. Sing along.”. He used to be just an odd little man with a strange penchant for odd books.

Tick T-Tick Tick-k-K

The ticking of the clock morphed into a steady thump like the heartbeat in his chest. Windsor covered his ears with his palms in an attempt to shield himself from the ticking that sent bolts of pain through his scattered mind.

“You’re so close” The flames on the table cooed.

“Be quiet.” Windsor whispered, and when the noise had dimmed ever so slightly, he removed his hands from his ears.

His hands came away bloody. He didn’t notice.

Windsor stumbled through the door, trying to keep his footing against the shifting, churning, floor. He held his hand against the mahogany wall for balance, unknowingly smearing it with a trail of blood as his ears and nose dripped more onto the plush carpet.

His head snapped up at the sound of footsteps.

“Who’s there?” Windsor called thickly.

“I am always here,” A voice echoed through the corridor, inside Windsor’s head and chest, so loud it burned.

A figure emerged from around the corner, walking with poise and grace. Its face was so bright all that could be seen were teeth and eyes. Its hands dripped a black ooze.

“Stay back!” Windsor shouted, blood splattering from between his teeth. He drew his letter opener from his pocket. He didn’t remember putting it in his pocket.

The figure swayed closer, closer until a hand so bright and so hot Windsor could swear he heard his flesh sizzle landed on his shoulder.

Windsor brought the letter opener up in a terrified arc against the figure’s body. Where it hit, more black seeped. Where he cut, the light died.

He kept slicing and stabbing with mania until the creature was more black ooze than blinding light.

He stared down at the mangled remains with terror marring his face. Windsor ran all the way home, but couldn’t escape the pounding, pulsing light at the edge of his vision.

He sent his letter of resignation from the university that night.

Two days later, a newspaper was dropped off at Windsor’s now abandoned home. It told the story of a young professor at Edgewater University by the name of Elliot Martin, who was brutally murdered in the hallway. He was sliced and stabbed to death with a letter opener.

The story did not name a culprit.

Elliot had seen his good friend and colleague, Windsor, stumble out of his office dripping blood from his ears and nose and asked if he was alright. He’d been attacked when he’d placed his hand upon Windsor’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort him and urge him to find a doctor.

It took Windsor three months to learn this news, to learn that he would always be on the run for murder.

[grandpa-cephalopods]

(I made a poorly recreated diagram of the DLC levels I hate since I bought it yesterday.)

(I also have some side order tips I shared with friends since I'm now 3 weapon completions in but my strategy is pretty biased to being slow and steady so I'll put them under a readmore)

-puts crinkled tissue paper notes on table- general SO notes

-Defense up gud, especially if you go above 1.0

-Before you do a run, hit ZR on weapon select to check the weapon's preferred colortype. For example, if going with Marina's umbrella, you're going to want pearl drone hacks to benefit it's drone upgrade palette. Without them, palette rng will be a crapshoot. Pearl can equip as many bombs as she has slots, in order of importance I'd say: Splat > Mines > Burst > Wail > cooldowns > Sprinkler

-Lucky cards are actually REALLY good if you can snag the 7s chain upgrade. With that, bomb drop, and special drop +Pearl I was basically popping reefsliders every 5 seconds in floors 20-30 to clear rooms with suboptimal dualies. With the rates + 7s duration, I come to find that 3% is a lot more like 30%

-Ridiculous and silly strats have done better for me so far than standard main damage buffs. The numbers just aren't high enough without too much investment :(

-Keep an eye on what level types screw you over. I'm pretty bad at hard/ruthless enemy spawner levels so I try to avoid those even if they have "good" upgrades sometimes

-Poison ink + Sticky Ink + Hazard Ink god tier for damage builds. Speaking of, most spawners in floors 1-10 will not spawn more than a first volley, so just coat the entire floor for good measure. As long as they don't spawn sprinklers or minnows, it's free real estate

General boss- Almost always deal with the mobs first. If you ignore them, they're going to chip at you enough for the boss to finish you off. Think of it like salmon run, kind of.

-When your armor breaks, hide in ink as much as you can manage. It restores faster

-Remember you can always stall the hell out of these bosses, there's NO time limit. If it sucks hit da bricks

Octowhirl: Coat the entire floor (You're going to hear this from me a lot, it makes the spawned mobs a non-issue) He'll just sit there and wait most of the time, if he charges you make sure the wall behind you doesn't have a bumper and keep inking until you have the whole field coated. The other reason to do this is to keep up with him in his later phases where he starts to disco ball

Agent 4: Coat the floor before/between waves. Did you know these guys basically have octoling hp and ai? With poison ink alone, I managed to kill 3 without even engaging them, they're fragile and they turf worse than you. They're most dangerous at short range, but you can minimize the trouble by keeping their feet slowed down by your ink. Most of them spawn on the far side, so try to keep your side of the field inked to retreat when it gets bad.

Topman's revenge: Coat the whole floor. When you start inking, ink the little corner near the wall and hide behind the wall when the searchlight passes you, then follow behind the searchlight and ink in a counterclockwise direction until you reach the middle, hiding behind a wall whenever the light catches up. When you actually go to fight it after inking everything, you can stop it's aggro mode attacks by swimming outside of the inner ring, which will return it to searchlight mode. You can kind of fuck around with the ai by flipping between aggro and search mode quickly, which is what I do to keep the fight under control in phase 3

uwu: The outer sides of the battlefield are easy to ink for good reason. Whenever it starts looking nasty, retreat to the outer edge where your ink will remain intact outside of mob spawning. I can't offer any direct advice for this one because your damage output is going to be dependent on where your build snowballed (specials, drone, damage, ect) but the one constant is keep ink control of the field during his shield phases so you can always bail if it gets too bad. Shield Phase 3 has a lot of adds so it may be better to blitz when you get to that point

Personal bias tips: -Bombs on enemy splat are ALWAYS helpful -Main saver and turf ink spread also always good -Ball Levels feel the easiest in difficulty compared to the other three types (probably to prevent them from being impossible with mob spam) When you get them try to sink the balls at the same time to avoid enemy reinforcements

[snowsugarycaramel]

*shuffles papers* My miraculous hyperfixation that I gained in 6th grade lasted a lot longer than I thought and I made an entire mlb OC cast and universe and have been working on it for two years- If I have to know about this, so do you because I have literally nowhere else to put it.

Here are the main five heroes!

Beetlebug: She’s the two years younger than the rest of the group and somehow not the least responsible. Quite the people person and loves the spotlight, but takes her job seriously. Has managed to be a good Ladybug holder for two years without causing the current butterfly holder to win.

Catastrophic: Silent and anxious. The critical thinker of the group that only opens up to a select few. He isn’t quiet by choice, but instead due to his anxiety and selective mutism. Overall a good guy when you know him pretty well.

Soro: The sarcastic older sibling to the group. It’s annoyed at his weapon, but is amazing at persuasion and illusions so he can’t be too mad. A pessimist more than anything, luckily its two best friends (Cat furry and mouse girl) can help him see that life isn’t all that bad.

Super Rabbit: The loud, jumpy, and oversharing time traveler! He watches over the timelines behind the scenes (he’d much rather be whacking bad guys with an umbrella, though). Has no filter.

Dormouse: A silly artsy theater kid who can’t help but radiate middle child energy. Her power of Multitude is more useful than she assumed, leading to her being a crucial part of most of the plans. Prone to getting distracted and moody, but overall she’s a nice kid.

[hetalia-reacts]

I’ve been in a Monster Hunter mood lately, and I know you play it, so I was wondering if you could please assign armor and weapon mains to the HWS characters of your choice! If that’s alright with you! :)

I went a little wild….so uh ehe also I got to Ukraine before I realized I forgot that hunting horns exist

America

Great Sword or Hammer for weapon

Alfred is only picking weapons that look fresh af or funny af

So like the Tuna fish great sword or the Val Hazak hammer

Armor wise he likes bulky, cool looks so something like gravios or diablos is among his top late game picks

He would also like the Great Wroggi set from Rise

England

Arthur 100% mains the bow

And he’s only picking bows that look as natural as possible while still being powerful

He also is rather fond of the Kelbi slingshot even if it doesn’t look like traditional bow

For armor he likes cloaks, so a mixed set with the slagoth cowl or the pukei pukei set are his top choices

France

Francis likes bug glaive and if you know you knowJe suis monte

I don’t think he really has a preference on what he uses as long as it has good dps

Armor doesn’t matter as long as it has good defense and skills without decorations

He plays fashion hunter with layered armor so he changes the looks often

Canada

Heavy bowgun or Hunting Horn

Matthew enjoys the pretty looking ones

So Mizutsune is a top choice for him

Loves mixed sets, he really likes playing fashion hunter without layered armor while also having great skills

Russia

Ivan feels like a Hammer or Switch Axekind of guy

If it’s hammer he’s gonna pick the teddy bear one

For switch axe I picture him as someone who wants the strongest one so looks don’t matter

Armor wise it’s the same deal, best defense is a must, but Ivan might play fashion hunter and try to make his character wear what he does irl

China

Dual blades or light bowgun

Yao likes the pretty and elegant looking weapons

So he’d go for mizutsune weapons or possibly the odogaron ones

Armor he likes to use is odogaron and Val hazak

Italy

Sword and Shield all the way possibly maybe uses a charge blade every once and a while

I can see him using the raithian rapier or the xeno’jiva charge blade

Also I can see Feliciano using the xeno’jiva set for looks, the gratitude set from world for wide range, or the Bishaten set from Rise for the wide range skill

Romano

Charge blade or dual blades

Lovino likes the event weapons a lot because he thinks they’re cute and funny

Definitely also uses the Ruiner Nergigante or Devil jho weapons just for the flex

Picks any armor that’s got good skills & defense and fashion hunters a cool outfit to go with his weapons

Spain

Lance or Sword and Shield

Antonio likes the simplicity of them and how cool they can look I also think he’s complete ass at the game and needs a role that doesn’t have to be directly in front of the monster

Uses everything but I think he likes the more realistic looking weapons

This man is a clown and he’s showing up in the silliest of armor that actually has god tier skills for some reason

Germany

Great Sword or Heavy Bowgun

Ludwig finds it the easiest to use and it’s a really important role to have in a party

Uses whatever, he just wants his armor and weapons to support each other so he picks armor based on weapon and weapon based on what monster he’s up against

He’s all about those elemental advantages and attack boosts

Prussia

Dual blades

Gilbert thinks they rock and he likes how fast they attack

Likes the beer mug ones because it’s funny

Definitely uses the arena earned armors like the brigade set

Austria

Roderich probably uses bow or light bow gun

He’s not much of a ‘be in the monsters face’ kind of guy

Likes regal looking weapons like Velkahna or event weapons

Enjoys the Brigade set and sets that look like normal clothes

Japan

👉👈 long sword or bow

Kiku is a beast with both but more so the bow

You can’t tell me this man isn’t using the funniest looking weapons with the most serious of armors

His sword looks like an umbrella or his bow looks like a stuffed animal but he’s wearing the most samurai looking armor

Latvia

Charge Blade or Sword and Shield

Raivis probably wants an option to protect himself from damage so a shield is a must

Likes the chrome weapons or anything that looks like a normal sword

Armor wise he wants the best defense and skills for whatever he’s using/fighting against and doesn’t care for the looks/fashion aspect

Lithuania

Lance or long sword

Toyls is amazing with it and never hits anyone a miracle really

Has zero preference for weapons as long as they are strong and have good elemental/blight damage

Like the more knight looking armors or the bulky armors like Diablos

Poland

Sword and Shield 100%

It’s easy to use and does decent dps so it’s Feliks’ favorite

Likes the Mizutsune one because it’s pink and pretty but also likes the Nargacuga one because it’s kinda cool

You know he spent like an hour or more making his character look as pretty as possible and uses event layered sets like the spring blossom set

Estonia

Gun Lance or Light Bow Gun

Eduard likes how cool gun Lance is and how easy to use light bow gun is

Picks something he thinks is cool like the nargacuga or black diablos weapons

For armor picture the most generic Monster Hunter armor and you’ve got his look, he spends 0 time on armor choice as long as it’s got good skills, defense, and gem slots

Hungary

Great Sword or Switch Axe

Elizabeta likes the heavy weapons and likes having an important role

Love weapons that do paralysis or poison and have high normal damage so something like Barroth or Chameleous

Uses the bulkiest of female armors or the most feminine ones there is no in between

Czechia

Bow

Hedvika likes the bow because it’s able to stay away from the monster and apply status effects like poison, exhaustion, and paralysis

She has no preference on what bow she uses but definitely has a slight draw towards cute designs

Same for the armor, will wear anything but is draw more towards the cute outfits from events and arenas

Belarus

Dual Blades or Hammer

Natalya enjoys the quick pace of dual blades and the demon mode and also like the feel and damage of the hammer

Likes any weapon that looks especially cool or scary like the Val Hazak or Gore Mangala

Same for armor but her favorite is the Val Hazak

Ukraine

Hunting Horn or Hammer

Yekaterina just seems like the type to use the heavy hitting, blunt, slow weapons

She uses the cute and funny weapons a lot

Enjoys playing fashion hunter and will likely find the time to make an outfit that looks like something she wears irl

Belgium

Light Bow gun or bow

Emma doesn’t want to be on the monster but likes doing high dps

Likes using the rajang weapons because of the high attack

Uses armor/gems it out to have affinity boost and sharpness so her weapons don’t have any negative set backs

Finland

Heavy or Light Bow gun

Tino definitely mains these because yes?

Literally picks any weapon he finds cool, so possibly gore mangala, seregios, or an event weapon

Armor doesn’t matter because he will pick layered armor to look as camo or military as possible

Denmark

Great Sword or Charge Blade

Matthias rocks with a great sword or charge blade because leader roles and big boy damage

Definitely picks silly or scary looking weapons the more ridges and spikes the better

Likes the bulky armors but sometimes plays fashion hunter to look silly if he helps low ranks

Sweden

Gun Lance or Lance

Berwald just seems like a Lance guy, the mechanics are somewhat easy, the damage is good, and the designs aren’t bad either

Prefers realistic looking lances and gun lances

He likes the more regular clothes looking armors from event quests or arena coins

Iceland

Bug glaive

I can imagine Emil likes zipping and zooming through the air plus he gets a little bug friend

Likes gore mangala, Chameleos, and Zinogre weapons

He likes their armors too, but would probably opt for best defense or a mixed set

Norway

Hunting Horn or Bow

Lukas likes the support role that can do big damage and bows are just cool

Chameleos weapons are his favorite because of the magical designs but he also likes the mizutsune weapons

He likes any armor that isn’t too bulky or silly looking and will 100% use layered armor if he has no choice but to wear something like that

[adamwatchesmovies]

Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021)

What’s that? Fans of the Resident Evil games complained the 2002 film and its sequels weren’t faithful enough to the game? Well, your grievances have not gone unheard. Writer/director Johannes Roberts' Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City sticks to the source material when it comes to the tone, the characters, and the monsters. This isn’t a video game, however. It’s a movie, and when your “life” isn’t at stake, when the action and horror are shown from this faraway point of view… you realize how poor the writing is.

In 1998, Claire Redfield (Kaya Scodelario) returns to Raccoon City to find her brother, Chris (Robbie Amell). She believes the Umbrella Corporation is leaving the city because they know something is coming. When a strange illness suddenly begins transforming the citizens, police officers Leon S. Kennedy (Avan Jogia), Jill Valentine (Hannah John-Kamen), Richard Aiken (Chad Rook), Brad Vickers, and Albert Wesker (Tom Hopper) investigate the remote Spencer Mansion.

The film deliberately distances itself from the action-oriented superheroics of the Milla Jovovich films and instead focuses on horror. Unfortunately, it's never scary. The cheap attempts to frighten - often generated by characters stupidly standing still while threats advance towards them - are undone by the characters, all of which are forgettable when they aren't infuriatingly moronic. I’ve seen a lot of movies with crappy police officers. Leon S. Kennedy is by far the worst. The man does nothing but screw up. If this were a game, you’d turn around and shoot him right there and then. He’s destined to be nothing but a liability but he’s a main character so he's got a plot shield at all times. He's the worst but there’s no one to like or care about. Claire and Chris’ backstories are convoluted, full of unexplained details, and way too silly for you to swallow any of this.

The horrors come in both zombie/mutant and human forms. You won’t find any memorable flesh-eating ghouls but anyone who knows anything about Resident Evil knows they’re minor perils as you figure out the controls. The real threats are the mutant creature bio-weapons, which we get a few of and would bafflingly look more menacing if they had a big life bar hovering above them. On the human side, the comically sinister Dr. William Birkin (Neal McDonough) acts like a madman from a bad comic book - his motivations are... questionable. You’d think if he were THAT gifted and important, Umbrella would’ve gotten him out of the city weeks ago. As for the Corporation, it’s still just evil for evil’s sake. Their attempt at a coverup is quite laughable all things considered.

Welcome to Raccoon City is covered with clumsy bits of exposition that will give the fans plenty of opportunities to elbow each other in excitement. Enough to distract them from performances more dreadful than any of the (surprisingly few) zombies we see? I don’t think so. People keep talking but you don’t start caring. All you do is wait for these dingbats to find some improbable escape route so they can head towards the sequel hinted at during the end credits. I wouldn’t hold my breath. While this movie looks decent for its small budget (about $25 million), it stinks of an effort no one at the studio believed in. I suspect Welcome to Raccoon City was released now so it can be quickly forgotten by everyone but the most die-hard video game-turned-movie enthusiasts, who will only mention it as “that other Resident Evil movie no one remembers”. (Theatrical version on the big screen, December 5, 2021)

[eretzyisrael]

Irrational, Dangerous Iran Policy is No Accident

Joe Biden’s people say that his move to return to Barack Obama’s JCPOA, the nuclear agreement with Iran, is the only reasonable path. After all, they argue that Donald Trump’s policy of “maximum pressure” failed, as evidenced by Iran’s signing a 25-year agreement to cooperate economically and strategicallywith China. They also note that Iran responded by ramping up their violations of the agreement.

Although Biden initially talked tough, saying that the US would not weaken sanctions until Iran returned to compliance with the original agreement by ending enrichment of uranium to 20%, reducing its stockpile of enriched material, and other items, American resolve seems to be slipping in the face of Iranian stubbornness. The person he put in charge of the negotiations, Robert Malley, has said that he prefers to return more or less to the original deal first, and then try to negotiate a new, better one later. On the face of it, this is silly. If the US gives up leverage by removing sanctions, why would the Iranians want to renegotiate later, just to obtain a deal that is worse for them?

The original deal was simply a disaster. It removed the restrictions placed on Iran by the Non-Proliferation Treaty (NPT) that it had signed and ending international sanctions enforcing several Security Council resolutions intended to deter it from its nuclear ambitions. It granted Iran an unprecedented “right to enrich” uranium that the NPT denied, with limits that would be removed in a decade. That decade ends soon, in 2025, after which there will be no limits on Iran’s nuclear program.

Even those temporary limits were technically inadequate, as was the inspection routine, which had holes big enough to drive numerous large trucks through. As a side benefit to Iran, Security Council resolutions that forbade Iran from developing ballistic missiles that could carry nuclear weapons were replaced with one that only “called upon” Iran to eschew such technology (Iran has since developed such missiles). It is not an exaggeration to say, as PM Netanyahu did in 2019, that the deal “paved Iran’s path” to nuclear weaponsand the means to deliver them rather than blocking it.

The icing on the cake was the infusion of cash the JCPOA provided, which Iran promptly used to pay for its intervention in the Syrian civil war, the arming of Shiite militias in Iraq, support for the Houthi rebels in Yemen and their attacks on Saudi Arabia, and of course the continued buildup of Hezbollah’s and Hamas’ missile arsenals – which the Iranian regime intends as the main weapon in its campaign to wipe Israel off the map (its nuclear-tipped missiles will provide a deterrent umbrella against Israeli retaliation).

Trump reversed Obama’s policy, exited the deal, and re-imposed sanctions to pressure Iran economically. Either the regime would collapse, or Iran would be forced to accept real restrictions on its nuclear and missile programs. The sanctions crushed the Iranian economy, and combined with the Covid epidemic and the domestic Iranian opposition, pushed the regime onto the ropes. The regime clearly understood this, and even tried to influence the 2020 American election against Trump.

The contention that Trump’s program didn’t work is false – the regime simply was able to hold out until he left office. Something that the NY Times et al don’t mention is that the agreement with China, the enrichment to 20%, and the introduction of new-generation centrifuges prohibited by the JCPOA didn’t occur until 2021, when Trump was either already gone or about to be. The Chinese undoubtedly knew that Trump would retaliate economically if they made their agreement with Iran during his term. And the Iranian regime clearly feared the US president, who had eliminated Qasem Soleimani, the single most dangerous terrorist operative in decades.

Biden’s policy – or that of whoever is making decisions for him – will empower the Iranian regime in reaching its objectives. And those objectives are quite ambitious: the establishment of a Shiite caliphate in the region, the replacement of various regimes (e.g., in Saudi Arabia, UAE, Bahrain), the destruction of the Jewish state, the control of all Middle Eastern fossil fuel resources, and so on. Iranian expansionism has already turned Lebanon, Syria, and Yemen into failed states whose populations are suffering enormously as a result.

If Iran continues with its nuclear program past Israel’s redlines, or if it orders its proxies to attack Israel, the result will be regional war. Such a war would be disastrous, especially for Lebanon, whose southern part has been turned by Iran’s Hezbollah proxy into one big launching pad for an estimated 130,000 rockets and missiles aimed at Israel. Israel’s defensive capabilities, although the most advanced in the world, could not deal with the number of weapons that would be fired at it, and so it would be necessary to respond by bombing southern Lebanon. That would cause thousands of casualties in a country already suffering from disease and total economic collapse.

The regime in Iran has made it clear that America, “the Great Satan,” is its most important enemy. It and its proxies have killed Americans in Lebanon and of course Iraq. It will work together with other enemies of the USA to harm it in any way it can. It even played a role in the 9/11 attacks. It isn’t unthinkable that it will provide nuclear material to terrorists in order to attack her in a “plausibly deniable” way.

Is enabling this regime’s regional takeover and nuclear project in America’s national interest? I don’t think so. The best way to forestall its plans is for the US to return to the policy of maximum pressure: to squeeze it economically until either it has no option but to retreat from its aggression, or it falls and is replaced by the more moderate government that most of the Iranian people would prefer.

Having said that, I am certain that this will not occur. What is going on is more than just a repudiation of Trump. Whoever is behind the project of strengthening the Iranian regime and enabling it to obtain its objectives knows what they are doing, and must share those objectives. The ideology of appointed officials is too consistent, the historical precedents too clear, and the functioning of the PR echo chamber too slick for it to be anything but deliberate.

Israel can only defend herself. It’s up to Americans to do whatever is necessary to move their country off this dangerous path.

[bringhopetohumanity]

—    BASICS.

▸     IS    YOUR    MUSE    TALL    /    SHORT    /    AVERAGE ? Short. She’s 4′7″/140cm. That’s not much taller than most mobians. Given that she’s only twelve she’ll get taller if as she gets older.

▸      ARE    THEY    OKAY    WITH    THEIR    HEIGHT ? It’s a good height when your brother is a mobian! But for things intended for humans she sometimes wishes she was taller. High shelves are the bane of her existence.

▸      WHAT’S    THEIR    HAIR    LIKE ? Soft and fluffy with a bit of bounce. If you started running your fingers through you’d have a hard time stopping.

▸     DO    THEY    SPEND    A    LOT    OF    TIME    ON    THEIR    HAIR     /    GROOMING ? Maria takes good care of her hair. She doesn’t spend hours on it like she knows some people do, but she washes it often and uses nice shampoos so it comes out nice and soft. As for styling all she really does is brush it the way she wants it and adds her hairband.

▸      DOES   YOUR   MUSE   CARE   ABOUT   THEIR   APPEARANCE   /   WHAT    OTHERS    THINK ? Maria cares what she thinks. She wants to look pretty and/or cute and does her best to achieve that. What other people think of her looks doesn’t matter to her. Unless it’s family then she cares a bit more, but doesn’t always take their advice.

—    PREFERENCES.

▸     INDOORS    OR    OUTDOORS ? Outdoors! She’s been longing for the great outdoors all her life. Given the chance she’ll stay outside as long as reasonable. Until it becomes a hazard to her health you’ll find her with the sky overhead.

▸     RAIN    OR    SUNSHINE ? While sunshine is beautiful and warm she’d pick rain. Something she could never have back on the ARK. No the shower is absolutely not the same. Unless it’s storm levels of downpour she’ll probably be standing in it with no umbrella. And then have Shadow scold her because that’s how you catch a cold and that’d be a stupid reason to die. ▸     FOREST    OR    BEACH ?   Either, but leaning toward the beach. Maria loves nature in all its forms and would be quite happy in a little cottage in the woods. But the beach, oh goodness the ocean entrances her. She’ll spend hours just watching the waves, taking in that salty air, and digging her fingers into the warm sand. ▸     PRECIOUS    METALS    OR    GEMS ?   Gems are prettier. Plus she knows Shadow’s powers work better around those gems called Chaos Emeralds so there’s a bit of a bias there. But gems are just so much more beautiful then metals.

▸     FLOWERS    OR    PERFUMES ? Flowers. Perfumes smell lovely and can emulate a great many things but Maria would prefer the natural scent in its purest form. Flowers any day. ▸     PERSONALITY    OR    APPEARANCE ?   Personality. What is most important is how the person acts, how they treat others, what are their interests and dreams? Personality is key. Never judge a book by its cover. Never judge a person by their looks.

But Maria is attracted to pretty girls. Beauty is subjective of course and she doesn’t have set-in-stone standards. She likes those that feel ethereal in some way. That just with your appearance you evoke that feeling of being an angel in another life. Personality helps with this but it is looks that grab her first. ▸     BEING    ALONE    OR    BEING    IN    A    CROWD ?   A crowd. Always. Even if she doesn’t know anyone there she just doesn’t want to be alone. Too many days spent on her own staring out a window, trying as hard as she can to find a bright side. Too many days alone before Abe and Shadow. She’ll always take a crowd. ▸     ORDER    OR    ANARCHY ?   Order. Anarchy is chaos and chaos causes bad things to happen. Order is peace. Order is calm. Order is the best way to do things. Unless of course you mean some kind of dystopian order, in which case she will fully support anarchy provided no-one is hurt. Protest and break in and overthrow the evil people. Just don’t hurt and/or kill anyone in the process.

▸     PAINFUL    TRUTHS    OR    WHITE    LIES ?  White lies. She wants people to be happy and if that’s what it takes then so be it. It’s not a big lie. It won’t affect them for years to come. It won’t damage their psyche. It’s just a little minor lie that keeps them from being sadder.

▸     SCIENCE    OR    MAGIC ?   Science of course! She’s a Robotnik after all; it runs in the family. She leans toward medical science if we’re getting specific. She’s also a kid though and is willing to believe in magic if you can convince her that it doesn’t break the laws of physics. ▸     PEACE    OR    CONFLICT ?   Peace. Maria has only ever wanted peace. The world would be a better place if everyone put down their weapons, talked things over, and learned to love each other. ▸     NIGHT    OR    DAY ?  Day. She’s had the night sky all her life up in space. Maria will always prefer day. The sun shining overhead, clouds floating on by, everything lit naturally. Even on dreary and cloudy/rainy days she still prefers them to the night.

▸     DUSK    OR    DAWN ? Dawn. As I said she’s had night all her life. What a joy it is to watch the sun climb up the horizon and bathe the world in its bright warmth! Maria will get up early, even if she’s exhausted, just to watch the sunrise. It’s something no-one should take for granted.

▸     WARMTH    OR    COLD ? Warmth. Even though the ARK was heated it just felt cold. The nature of a metal space station full of research experiments. The warmth to Maria came from the people, not the place. She prefers Earth which is warm in both aspects.

If we’re talking just basic temperature the same applies. Maria prefers to be warm but her stature makes her easily cold. She likes to have warm clothes and lots of blankets/a heated blanket in colder temperatures.

▸     MANY   ACQUAINTANCES    OR    A    FEW    CLOSE    FRIENDS ?  A few close friends. Maria will take either honestly but she likes to be close to the people she knows. She wants to really get to know them and be a part of their lives.

▸     READING    OR    PLAYING    A    GAME ?  

—    QUESTIONNAIRE.

▸      WHAT    ARE    SOME    OF    YOUR    MUSE’S    BAD    HABITS ? Maria is a fidgeter. No matter the situation she wants to be moving. This stems from so many days laid up in the medical wing’s beds. There is a longing there to not waste her time by doing nothing so she unconsciously satisfies it by doing small things to keep idle; fiddling with any accessories she’s wearing, running a hand through her hair, swinging her legs from a tall chair, re-organizing the objects around her, etc. It has driven more than one researcher up the wall when she’s visiting them and can’t keep still while they work.

There’s also the little white lies as mentioned above. Small things to keep people happier. She knows lying is bad but sometimes the best option truly is ‘what they don’t know can’t hurt them’. If a lie can make it better and not majorly affect things then that will be her first instinct. Maria will also lie to protect her friends on a small scale. Like say Abe or Shadow accidentally broke something and hid the evidence. ❝Well if it’s gone missing can you get a new one?❞ Until they fess up she’ll cover for them.

▸      HAS    YOUR    MUSE    LOST    ANYONE    CLOSE    TO    THEM ?      HOW    HAS    IT    AFFECTED    THEM ? She lost her parents when she was too young to remember. There are photos of Alice and Cyril with little baby Maria, and the stories Gerald tells of his daughter and her husband, but that’s all she’s ever known of them. There’s a sadness in her when she hears those stories and looks at those photos but its a sadness of never having the opportunity to know them.

She also lost her grandfather, the only father she ever knew, later in life. In my main verse she doesn’t know this. Only in my ghost verse is she aware of what her death did to him. It devastated her how much she hurt him, and how much he hurt Shadow in turn. But she refuses to remember him that way. She holds her head high and keeps him in her heart with all the happy memories they shared.

Maria knows people would rather be remembered fondly so she tries not to get too sad over them. Oh she’ll be a wreck at first but eventually she’ll smile when thinking of them rather than cry.

▸      WHAT    ARE    SOME    FOND    MEMORIES    YOUR    MUSE    HAS ?   Family time. Sometimes if he had a break from work Gerald would join in Shadow and Maria’s games or read to them. Those moments the three of them spent as a family will always be remembered fondly.

Also the games she played with Abe. To her he’s not the Commander of GUN. He’s just the little boy who was always trying to cheer her up with some silly game. Even though she wasn’t physically fit she tried her hardest to be a good playmate. He was excellent at tag and hide-n-seek and never treated her as anything less than an equal. She treasures those memories.

▸     IS    IT    EASY    FOR    YOUR    MUSE    TO    KILL ? Oh god no! Maria would never. Could never.

▸      WHAT’S    IT    LIKE    WHEN    YOUR    MUSE    BREAKS    DOWN ?  When Maria breaks she becomes a sobbing mess. I hate the term ‘ugly cry’ cause no-one is pretty when they’re crying, but Maria definitely fits the usage of that term and what it entails.

▸      IS    YOUR    MUSE    CAPABLE    OF    TRUSTING    SOMEONE    WITH    THEIR    LIFE ? Yes. Not many people but yes. Gerald, Shadow, and Abe is about the extent of that list. Maybe Ivo if she gets to know him better. Maria is a very trusting girl but her life has always been on borrowed time. You’d better be able to take care of it.

Of course on the flipside as much as she cares about herself she cares about others more. Those people I mentioned? She’d sacrifice herself in a heartbeat if it meant they got to keep living. Hence taking a bullet for Shadow.

▸      WHAT’S    YOUR    MUSE    LIKE    WHEN    THEY’RE    IN    LOVE ?  Maria is quite happy and giggly, always trying to do nice things for her crush. Do you like this? Let me get it for you! Oh you’ve always wanted to go there? Let’s go together! Her selflessness has always been at 11 but the way she throws herself at the object of her affections...

She can be a bit clingy in this regard. She understands though if they want to back away because of it. She’ll give them their space. Hopefully they’ll come back. Maria can be intense in her affections. It’s best that they are directed at someone who can handle this and return them equally. That would be her ideal partner later in life.

[sweetjellytine]

I Miss You: Chapter One

Prologue - Chapter Two

JongDae’s POV

For the past few months my life is a living hell, as my Exes exposed our relationship in public by posting it online and I couldn’t question myself what’s their reason to do that, they will not gain any thing good but just to hurt me and themselves but still they did it, and that got me depress with not my usual self, I become moody and get mad easily with people around me and to my members which they understand and I’m thankful for them with that

I was busy signing a CD for a fan and after I returned it to her, a hand with a familiar warmth that gives me held my hand and handed a small paper underneath my palms, I looked up to her to see a familiar face; the woman I had one night stand months before, of course I will remember her because of her great personality when we had a short talk the next morning and after that we didn't have the chance to contact each other not until she showed up here in our fansign event with a worried expression that caught me off guard

“What’s wrong?” I asked as I hurriedly put the small paper on my pocket

“It’s an emergency.” She plainly replied before she bowed and left

I watched her retreating back and from that very moment I was disturbed and can't wait to see what’s on the paper, I have an idea it was her number but what I am most confused is what does she want to say?

After the event and while riding on the car, I fished out the paper out of my pocket and I’m right its her number, I called her immediately and she answer at the first ring, her voice was timid with a short greeting while I instructed her to go to the street where my manager will pick her up, they did meet and now we are sitting face to face in our dorm’s living room

“I’m pregnant.” She dropped the bomb on my head

“WHAT?” I asked in disbelief and I know my members heard it too since I knew they were listening from the kitchen

She felt silent but her eyes are not lying, I saw how sincere she was telling me the news but I also saw her fear; a fear that I believe what if I disregard the fact that I am the father of the baby she's having

“The baby is how many months?” I asked with my stern tone

“Almost four months.” She replied

I was silent still trying to comprehend the situation were I was about to get involve, this can sabotage my career and affect the members

“I need your help, JongDae-ssi.” She still managed to talk despite of her nervousness

I raised my eyebrow and fixed my body forward resting my elbows on my knees

“It’s money. Right?” I asked with my annoyed tone

All women are the same, needs you when they want something from you

“If this is just money for the baby, I’m willing to donate, Just don’t drag me into this silly mess.” I retorted to her sarcastically causing my members to went to us to ease the situation

Her eyes are shaking; and a tear slide down on her cheeks, women really knew how to use their weapon to men, they knew tears are always the weakness of us

“I’m not lying, You are really the father.” She still insisted as she stood up and her hands are clenching in a fist

“How would I believe that you only had sex with me? I met you in a bar and we did it. Do you think that you can fool me after we clicked on a small conversation in our one night stand the morning after. You think I would believe that you only had sex with me after that? I have been fooled for how many times by women like you but sorry I don’t give a fuck this time.” I lost my rationale this time, knowing that I may be the potential father could really fucked up my career

“What would I gain if I lied to you, of course nothing. But my baby… But our baby needs help.” She still insisted and i let out a sarcastic chuckled on her remarks

OC’s POV

Seeing him laugh on what I said made me felt pathetic and seeing him not interested as my baby’s father is understandable because who will not be surprised if you got a news suddenly that you are the father of a stranger’s baby

We are still standing face to face and both not backing out, I need his help, I got fired from my work and no where to stay, I slowly walked towards to him and knelt both on my knees

“Please help me and my baby. Please.” I pleaded between my soft sobs

Tears are ruining down from my cheeks and I don’t have the courage to look up and look at his disgusted impression, I knew he thinks of me as a desperate woman, painful to admit but I’m really desperate especially I have no one to support and help me and my baby, So I take the initiative to seek for his help since I'm certain he was the father, believe me or not; He was my first time and probably my last one after I found out I’m pregnant

I slowly raised my head up without hearing any sound from him, His expression is unreadable but his eyes is drowning with uncertainty, then he grabbed my arms and dragged me to get back to my feet, and pulled me with him kicking me out of their dorm

“Please, Listen to me. I need your help.” I said while banging the door

But he didn’t, I heard some of his members trying to knocked some sense out of him but they failed to pursue him and slowly I turned my back and went on my way back to my own home

I am walking to the nearest bus stop from their dorm; my phone is dead; and the rain is threatening to fall’ the wind blew its cold breeze; How would I make him believe he is the father, JongDae-ssi is the father of my baby. I didn’t ask for his help because of me but to his own child, I know he was shock with my sudden appearance and the situation I pulled him involuntarily but I have no money seeing a doctor, I’m a almost four months pregnant and didn’t have proper check-up; At first I promised to myself to keep the baby by myself but as time goes by it is not easy especially I don’t have proper job that can support myself what more bearing a child; the child is my main concern; I don’t want something happened to my own baby; He or She will be the only one I can rely on in this world; If JongDae-ssi doesn’t want his child; its alright for me as long as he give what his baby deserve

I slowly leaned my back against the cold wall, still waiting for the bus that will pick passengers up; I closed my eyes and his expression of madness replayed on my mind; doesn’t he feel anything at least for the baby or the time we had together; his smile at the very pleasant morning is the most that captivated me; I wondered if that kitty smile will be inherit by my baby; a small chuckle escaped from my lips imagining how cute my baby will be

“Chooty-Ah! I’ll never give up; Even thought JongDae-ssi won’t acknowledge you; even thought there will be an absence of a fatherly love; I’ll make sure to be the best mother to you.” I promised to my baby while tears are pouring again from my eyes and while touching my tummy

“It will be a rough road for the both of us.” I ended as I saw the bus approaching and walked to the loading lane

JongDae’s POV

“JongDae-Ah, Do you really know that girl?” MinSeok Hyung interrogated me after I kicked the woman out of my sight

“Yes, We had one night stand and probably talked a bit the next morning but what she is saying doesn’t imply that I’m the father of her baby.” I said before gulping the bottle water on my hand

“But what if you are?” JunMyeon hung joined us 

“No. I don’t believe her besides how am I sure that I’m the only one she slept with?” I still dejected 

“But what if she is really telling the truth?” BaekHyun tried to weigh each of our opinion

“I’ve been fooled by women who I dedicated my life and love with and this time I wouldn’t be played by a stranger that I had a one night stand.” I stand on my belief

“But it seems like she is not lying; what if it was really your child; Would you let bad something happen to the baby?” KyungSoo butt in making us all silent in awhile

I looked at their faces and somehow it encourages me to at least give the woman a try and man up to do something for my potential child; I laid down the bottle on the table and hurriedly run to my room and wear my hoodies; cap and my face mask; running on the hall way without forgetting to grab an umbrella

I made a dead run  as fast as  could to the possible place she could go; and I let my feet brought me wherever it can; My heart thumping crazily; I admit when I saw her earlier on the event, my heart beats faster like I couldn’t breathe for a second. like we had a connection; it is because of the baby or something else?

A few runs and I saw her on  the bus stop; she was about to hopped in when I made my way and grabbed her arms stopping her from her place; she slowly turned to me and I saw her tear stained face that I’m sure I am the cause

I pulled her closer to me as I opened the umbrella over us; She was looking down avoiding my gaze and I don’t what got into myself; I grab her chin and made her looked up to me and she was still crying

“Don’t cry.” I whispered as my thumb brushed away her tears

“As for now, I’ll help you, We will have a test if I’m the father, I’m not disregarding the possibility but I’m not saying I do fully believe you." I said with  my stern voice

Her eyes glistening again with tears but now a smile crept on her face

“Thank you.” She said as she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me in a tight embrace

And without realizing my hand brushed the small of her back giving me light feeling after all of the heartaches I had before

[eggheadsguidetorunning]

The Worse Movies I saw in 2018 Part I

I prefer to do this list a little late to get some of the worst movies that came out in December a chance for me to see and hate them, at least that is the excuse I’m using.

10. Ready Player One

               So, I am cheating a bit here because I mainly hated the book, but the movie wasn’t any good either. I guess the best way to compare the two is by comparing the amount of pandering they do. The movie multiplies the amount pandering by ten but then you divide it by a hundred because it has a bigger audience because of this the pandering is more bearable in the movie then it is in the book.

Another good way to show the differences is to show the differences is through well the actual changes from book to movie. One of the biggest changes are the challenges. The first challenge in the book is to make it through the tomb of horrors, which the main character does by himself at level 1. Then to beat the lich at the end of the tomb in a game of arcade Joust. The movie isn’t better but instead of basing the challenge in the movie around sucking the dick of nerd culture the first challenge is just well dumb. In the movie the main character needs to drive backwards to win a race. Now consider that video games have people who test them for a living to make sure these games work there is a huge group of people who the first thing they do when they play a game is see if they can go backwards just to test the game. By the way in the movie it took someone seven years to solve this puzzle too.

               It may be silly to contain a movie on my top 10 worst movies I saw simply because the book was bad but screw it this is my list, and Ready Player One the movie is mediocre in comparison to the shitty book but it’s still a bad movie.

9. Jurassic World Lost Kingdom

               Originally, I wasn’t planning on putting this movie on the list since it’s easy to pick on movie that is designed to be a corporate sell out. Then realized there would be a bunch of movies I would have to remove from this list on that philosophy, so decide this movie deserves a spot here. Spielberg should be laughing at the fact that someone managed to make a Jurassic Park movie worse than Lost World. A Jurassic Park movie in which the good guys justify letting loose a bunch of ferocious dinosaurs on society because the dinosaurs have a right to live too. Just forget the fact that they will massacre a huge number of people who also have the right to live. How do we know the dino’s have a right to live? Well because the girl who is a genetic clone sees herself in them because the dinosaurs are also clones. Like they aren’t trying to even hide that the reason why they can’t kill the dinosaurs is because they need to make sequels.

               The bad guys are super irredeemably stupid and of course they then die in humiliating ways, and I can’t honestly believe that some of them don’t see their death coming. In what must be the dumbest black-market auction idea ever the bad guys have a bunch of villainous people come over to their mansion in which the murderous dinosaurs are stored to be sold to these people. Like hey guys come over to my mansion full of killer dinosaurs we will a party while we sell them to you. I think if they thought about it there was a safer way to do this sale of killer dinosaurs. I don’t know maybe they could have done it all online like most black-market sales do?

And who still thinks the Weyland Yutani idea of owning the most highly evolved killing machine, that is uncontrollable, is smart idea and while I’m at it who thinks Umbrella Corp ideas are any good as well. Well I invite you to go dumber than them. See, while these two evil corporations that constantly make or try to control evil and super strong next phase of evolution kill everything virus, aliens, or monster then try to make these things into weapons and somehow don’t see how this could bite them in the ass. They are at least super corporation and using that structure of a giant corporation to contain their abominations. In Jurassic Park Fallen Kingdom a dude decides to make a super raptor in his mansion and sell it. This ends badly and nobody in the audience will ever be surprised by this ending badly even the kids know this is a bad idea. Don’t watch this movie you have already seen this movie done better.

8. Death Wish (2018)

               Bruce Willis is the only good part about this movie, but of course he isn’t the only part of the movie and he isn’t even always great in it. This was may be the most confusing movie I saw this year not because it was a hard plot to follow but because I don’t know why this movie exist or what it was trying to accomplish. Why did they decide to remake Death Wish? Was there supposed to be some sort of political statement was there not supposed to be political commentary? Was this supposed to be high drama or high action movie? What was the point of this movie why does it exist, I just don’t understand! It felt like the director was unsure of his own wok, but at the same time he seemed overly confidant in his poor choices in making this movie.

When you remake a movie that was beloved in its time you should be trying to improve the original concept or give it a different outlook. This movie is just a worse version of Death Wish and doesn’t really do anything interesting. In fact, I wonder why this movie had to be a Death Wish remake or even have the same title as Death Wish. I would enjoy this movie more if it was Die Hard 6 or something instead. That would be so much easier to justify and maybe even make it easier for it to be more fun and stupid. As it stands this movie was a boring mess. I really don’t have much more to say than that.

7.Truth or Dare

                I actually love this movie which is why it isn’t higher on the list. There is nothing scary about this scary movie and the attempts they make to scare you are only made funnier by their horrible filter Instagram face effects. I really want to know who saw that effect and said yeah that’s creepy make a movie about it. I want that person to make more “horror” movies.

               What’ better than the horrible effects is when this movie write itself into a corner and then tries to somehow miraculously get out of it without any though on how this miracle comprise the movie. Like how a character will be dared to kill the main character because I don’t know, no reasons given, so for the main character live some side character jumps, or stumbles, in front of the gun and gets shot instead. Then because character with a gun failed to shoot the main character she instantly gets possessed and kills herself.

Yes, she gets possessed you read that right. What, I failed to mention is that the reason any of this happens is because a demon possessed a game of truth or dare and will force people to play. Don’t play you die fail the dare or don’t tell the truth and you die. To make matters worse some genius thought the game would be more fun if there were moments when you were forced to take a dare, so now sometimes someone has to choose dare instead of truth.

To make matters worse (or from my personal view better) near the end of the movie they are about to exercise the demon, and someone choose to take a dare and then refuse to do the dare. This should mean game is over since now the demon has to kill this person and let the exorcism be completed. Thus, say the rules the demon has followed. What happens, and spoilers by the way, is the demon possess the guy who didn’t take the dare and leaps the person needed for the exorcism and then kills the mcguffin character and finally kills the person who refused the dare, thus the demon breaks his own rules. Now consider the scenario above in which a person is dared to kill the main character and fails so the demon takes over and kills the person failed the dare. Now the question is raised if the demon wanted to kill the main character then why should the demon have not just shot the main character then the person who failed the dare? There was nothing stopping the demon from doing this. In conclusion, this a really poorly written movie and its only number seven because it is a funny poorly written movie.

6. Clover Field Paradox

               I feel everyone forgot about this movie because of Bright, but I didn’t forget, and I didn’t watch Bright. So, let’s have a movie with an almost cosmic horror-set up but then do nothing with this build-up of humanity seeking for knowledge that we shouldn’t have. Then let’s have a Hadron Collider make a tear in dimensions to release a bunch of nightmarish monsters that we never get to see until the very end of the movie. Don’t worry though, to make things interesting we will have the crew just jump to a different reality through the tear, but instead of going somewhere interesting we have them simply go to an almost completely similar reality except they failed to get the Hadron Collider to work. We could have them go literally anywhere else the possibilities are endless, but no. At one point though the movie even seems to try to do something cool by doing some crazy Event Horizon shit. By having the ship seem to be attacking the crew but instead of focusing on this the movie just kind of forgets about this. Also, there is no reason for the ship attacking and killing the crew.

The main villain, in fact, ends up being a crew member from the alternate dimension not an alien or cool monster just some lady with a gun she arguably shouldn’t have. This is because this movie isn’t about cool sci-fi monster but is about a poor political subtext on the doom of humanity if we cannot work together to get a better fuel resource and we end up running out of gas. That subtext is the main conflict for the whole movie. Why are we up in space? Because gas. Why did the alternative dimension team fail? Because wars over gas. Why are there monster in Cloverfield? Because Hadron Collider.

The balls of this movie to have such freedom to do such an interesting thing with dimension hopping in space and monsters from another dimension, yet what they decide to do is the most boring thing they could have done with this set up. When they decide to through in a tie in to the Cloverfield monsters at the end of the movie and using one line at the beginning of the movie to justify this it becomes obvious that this movie is just lazy. Welcome to this list Cloverfield Paradox. Hopefully, you ended this Cloverfield movie franchise thing, so we don’t get something worse from Cloverfield later.

5.The Darkest Minds

               Hahahahahahahahahahahah. This movie is great. It’s the ultimate young adult (YA) cash grab movie of the year. It even has a sorting system like Harry Potter, but that sorting system is allegory for racism and involves mutant kids in concentration camps. You know all the things YA novels need… right? These mutant kids are like x-men mutants, but more boring because they all kind of have the same powers. One group of kids is super smart, another use electricity and a third group control’s the world. References to Harry Potter and Star Wars are also used to help the audience know that the directors/characters are hip to current pop culture. As well as there being a forced romantic relationship between a girl whose only personality trait is that she lacks self-esteem and a guy who is kind of, but not really, edgy. Fuck, this movie even has a shopping montage in it.

               We need go back a bit and tackle one of the dumber points. I earlier mentioned how you would get a house assigning thing applied to you but instead of a sorting hat this sorting method gives you a color and is supposed to be allegory to racism, thus it being a color. To explain how this system works you would be assigned a color based on your super power so if you were super smart you would be green for example. They would then sort you in the not concentration camp (but its totally a concentration camp) by your color. Allegory is ham fisted here but it at least works. Once you get outside the concentration camp everyone will call you a green or ask what your color is, and you will answer that it is green. Now this could be allegory for how racial discrimination can come to define others, and how labels that are given never truly go away. Unfortunately, that’s not how the movie handles it. The movie seems to look at it like kids would say I’m a green just like they would say I’m a Ravenclaw, I’m a member of district 9, I’m part of the Athena’s house, or I’m whatever Divergent was. So, this allegory for racism is also supposed to be like house sorting in the positive pop culture connotation. Which is idiotic because those two things don’t really mesh, and it feels like the movie wants to have its cake and eat it too.

Then again this could also be commentary on how schools label the gifted and thus limit them, but it runs it the same problem of the kids labeling themselves and embrace the labels even when they have the freedom not to.

               Not to mention all the hammy acting plot lines that disappear or go nowhere. The fact that a 17-year-old girl kills a woman in a horrifying fashion but that is fine because the woman who was killed was evil. There is also a final fight that is so over the top stupid it bounces back to being kind of cool.

Despite this being a bad movie I suggest watching it with a lot of friends and a lot of alcohol.

[cornishbirdblog]

Continuing my Cornish Bird’s travel adventures!

They do let me out of the county sometimes!

Wroclaw has been described, like so many other watery places, as the Venice of Poland. With 130 bridges connecting its twelve islands the city does seem afloat. The river Oder encircles the buoyant old town and it was its powerful course that created those little islets on which the historic centre now balances.

I spotted my first one standing jauntily on a side street, umbrella in hand. Not understanding why he was there I was immediately curious. His cheeky expression gave nothing away and it seemed silly to ask. However like so many mythical creatures once your eyes have been opened to their presence you suddenly start seeing them everywhere. Little people laugh at you from window sills, they pop up unexpectedly in alleyways or on street corners, you almost expect to look down and find one tugging at your trouser leg.

“What’s with all the Gnomes?”

When I ask the lady in the tourist information office she shrugs “Well, Wroclaw didn’t have anything, no real symbol, so in 2005 the tourist board decided to have gnomes.”

She is straight faced and serious with the air of someone slightly disinterested in what she is saying. I try not to laugh as I step back out into the early evening bustle of historic town square. I am surrounded by pastel coloured Renaissance style mansions and the warm autumn sunlight is bouncing off their high windows making spotlights on the cobbles.

It is my first trip to Eastern Europe and I am suddenly aware how little I know about this area of the world. The language with its Slavic routes is unfamiliar in a way that German or Spanish never was. The food is pretty odd too at times and the drinking culture impressively enthusiastic for a Tuesday night. And then I discovered that this city has its own miniature secret army.

All over Wroclaw it is estimated that as many 400 dwarfs are hiding.[1] Mysterious, illusive, they lurk in the shadows watching as packs of selfie-stick wielding tourists hurry past in search of the perfect Polish Paczki.[2] No more than 8” high these brass gnomes have become the unlikely symbol of a sensible university town that has also produced cosmonauts, composers, philosophers and chess masters.

Although they often have their little pointy hats rubbed for luck the gnomes are not found on the streets of Wroclaw because of any magical or talismanic powers. They are, believe it or not, somewhat improbable symbols of freedom and revolution.

As the helpful assistant in the Tourist Information suggested the first five dwarfs were designed at the request of the Tourist Board and the mayor. In August 2005 Tomasz Moczek, a graduate of The Academy of Art and Design in Wrocław, lovingly made each one and found them their various hiding places around the city. Then Wroclaw fell in love.

Since then hundreds more have appeared. Some dwarfs are sponsored by small businesses, perhaps hoping to attract trade from all the passing gnome hunters, and others by wealthy individuals, presumably just gnome fans.

Although to the untrained eye they appear very similar each dwarf is an individual with its own name, (Dlugi, Kowal and Rogalik etc) and its own personal story.

The dwarfs of Wroclaw are not your regular ‘lazing-by-the-pond-grinning-like-a-fool’ British gnomes. They are very busy. You will find them engaged in all kinds of activities from playing musical instruments to fire-fighting and riding hippos. There’s even a site-seeing dwarf with a camera taking a photograph of an even smaller dwarf. But don’t be deceived, these are actually their twilight years, their retirement in fact, because in the past they had a much more serious and important mission.

The dwarfs or krasnoludki[3] of Wroclaw started appearing in the city in the 1980s. They were graffitied on walls as the tag of an underground surrealist movement known as the Orange Alternative.

Dwarf graffiti during Martial Law in Poland, CREDIT: Tomasz Sikorski

The group, led by artists Waldemar Fydrych[4] and Wieslaw Cupala[5], was trying to find a way to peacefully protest against their government’s censorship and oppression. Armed only with spray cans the Orange Alternative sought to undermine communism through gentle, subversive humour and their main weapon against government propaganda was surrealist street art.

Each time the authorities painted over any anti-communist graffiti they inadvertently provided the activists with a fresh canvas and a dwarf would appear.

The first dwarfs with their distinctive orange pointy hats were painted by Fydrych and Cupala on the night of 30/31st August 1982. One on the wall of a residential building in the Biskupin district of Wroclaw and then another on an electricity transformer station in the Sepolno area. The Orange Alternative’s motto became “There is no freedom without dwarfs.”

Dwarf graffiti during Martial Law in Poland, CREDIT: Tomasz Sikorski

“Why a dwarf?” Cupala considers my question nearly 35 years later, “That’s a long story. It is not easy to explain. This is connected with Slavic mythology and Polish tales for children.”

Poland has a deeply rooted tradition of children’s poems, stories and fairy tales, many coming from Slavic myths and legends, and many containing dwarfs. Although unfamiliar to us, as very few have ever been translated into English, they continue to be read to Polish children even today. The most famous O krasnoludkach i sierotce Marysi or The Dwarfs and Orphan Mary is still known by every child in Poland.

  Its author was Maria Konopnicka, a Polish writer and poet born in 1842. An activist for women’s rights and Polish independence, Maria organising protests against the repression of ethnic Poles under Prussia rule. Much of her work, often written initially to entertain her 8 children, expresses a deep patriotism, a nostalgic love of the Polish countryside and a longing for independence.

In the book, which has been made into a musical and an animated film, the helpful but playful dwarfs visit the poor, like Orphan Mary, and give them practical help with their problems.[6]

“In Polish tradition dwarfs are caring spirits for the home and family, they are wild and funny,” says Cupala, “but dwarfs can [also] be perverse and have malice.”

With such a long and chequered history of invasion and occupation Polish writers and artists have always found plenty to inspire them. Poland’s location in the centre of Europe has meant it has been invaded numerous times, by the Romans, the Mongol Army, the Teutonic Knights, Germany, Russia and many others. It was not uncommon for one set of invaders to be immediately replaced by another. Historically this is a nation of ‘little’ people repeatedly doing battle with a bigger invading power.

When Martial Law was introduced in Poland in December 1981 it was a very uncertain and frightening time. Ordinary people could be arrested without warning and many just disappeared. As the authoritarian communist government tried to crust any political opposition thousands of soldiers appeared on the streets and pro-democracy movements were banned overnight. A curfew was imposed, borders and airports closed, telephones disconnected and school and universities suspended. The economic crisis that followed resulted in terrible poverty and crippling rationing. Thousands were jailed and at least 91 people killed in the first few weeks.

It was during this claustrophobic climate of fear that students were roaming the streets in the dead of night painting gnomes on walls. When I ask Cupala whether there was one defining moment that made him and Fydrych want to take action he responses rather thoughtfully. “This is not an easy answer. In the grey reality, orange was the only solution for me.”

The dwarfs quickly gathered support. Gnomes started appearing across the city and then in neighbouring cities. In a Poland that was characterised by censorship and empty supermarket shelves the orange humour gave people hope and a way to express themselves without breaking the law. The activities of the group, which included members dressing up as dwarves complete with orange pointy hats, were intended to communicate not only the desire for freedom and change but also that the oppressive system itself was surreal.

Revolution of Dwarves, 1 June 1988, CREDIT: Rewolucja Krasnoludków

Fydrych and Cupala didn’t stop at dwarfs, they went on to stage numerous events around Wroclaw. They called these subtle, seditious protests ‘Happenings’ and their intention was to undermine the regime without directly challenging its authority.

When basic hygiene products ran low because of rationing the Orange Alternative gathered in the town square and began handing out single sheets of toilet paper to passers-by proclaiming “Let justice and socialism begin with toilet paper.” During a referendum on social policy the Orange Alternative publically called for the people of Wroclaw to register a 200% voter turnout using the slogan ‘Vote Yes Twice’. At the rallies that followed the Police couldn’t distinguish who was a nonconformist and who was a genuine voter and consequently didn’t know who to arrest.

On another occasion the people marched through the streets shouting “We love Lenin”. The irony of the Happenings wasn’t lost on the government but they were in many ways powerless to act. Authorities could hardly be seen arresting people for their support or for an illegal dwarf gathering.

The intentionally non-aggressive activities challenged the government in a way that hostile or violent protest never could and the surrealist tactics of the Orange Alternative were surprisingly effective. Their ideas resonated not only with the Polish people but abroad too. In the late 80s, The New York Times wrote: “Solzhenitsyn destroyed Communism morally, Kołakowski philosophically and the Orange Alternative aesthetically.” While Surrealism – 50 Works of Art You Should Know listed Frydrych alongside Picasso, Duchamp and Dali.

The Gothic St Elizabeth Minor Basilica in the centre of Wroclaw has been destroyed and rebuilt many times. From the heights of the church’s tower you can look down on the famous historic square with its medieval town hall, the winding grey river and the steeply pitched red-tiled roofs of the old city. Below you in the tangle of cobbled streets and alleyways the people seem like tiny and animated creatures, busying themselves with their daily lives. The dwarfs, smaller still, are entirely lost in the maze of streets but in June 1988 Wroclaw was overrun with them.

That summer 10,000 people marched through the city wearing orange pointy hats. They shouted the slogan “there is no freedom without dwarfs”, the message to the authorities obscure but unflinchingly clear. However puerile it may have appeared the Happenings and the dwarfs were also a show of strength and unity. The sea of people in gnome hats all knew exactly what they were really calling for and so did the government.

Free elections were finally help in Poland in June 1989. The part that the Orange Alternative playing in bringing about that political change was commemorate in 2001. A single gnome was placed on the corner of Swidnicka Street near the subway where many Orange Alternative demonstrations took place. Known as Papa Gnome, I decided that I couldn’t leave the city without paying him a visit. It is dark by the time I found him standing with his back to the busy crossroads.

Papa Gnome is much bigger than the other dwarfs, partly because he is standing on a large rock shaped lump of bronze and partly I suspect because of an enthusiasm for packzi. Chubby, with knobbly knees he has a mischievous little smirk on his lips.

These days the dwarfs’ freedom fighting past is all but forgotten and their hiding places exposed now that you can buy a laminated map of Wroclaw with the most popular dwarfs’ locations marked on it.

But Papa Gnome, hands clasped behind his back, knows what he and his kind achieved. I pat his bronze cap in gratitude before walking back towards the town square to play hide and seek with his smaller, cheekier progeny.

For more travel stories try: Stalin’s Boots: Momento Park, Hungary

[1] It should be noted at this point that it seems that the terms ‘gnomes’ and ‘dwarfs’ are interchangeable in terms of this discussion. Although I understand that there is an entomological and mythological difference between the two creatures in this context it should be taken to mean a fabled ‘little person’.

[2] Polish Doughnut, [pohnchkee] they are all perfect.

[3] Krasnoludki: dwarf. Polish translation – Krasny: red, colourful, good; Ludki: little person

[4] The leader of the movement Frydrych is still an activist and artist. He ran for mayor of Warsaw twice.

[5] Cupala was a Professor of Mathematics at Wroclaw University until retirement, he now runs a blog called Freedom and Peace.

[6] Illustrations from the original book showing red hatted little folk were released as a set of commemorative stamps in 1962.

Wroclaw, Dwarfs and the Orange Alternative Continuing my Cornish Bird's travel adventures! They do let me out of the county sometimes! Wroclaw has been described, like so many other watery places, as the Venice of Poland.

[thementalattic]

I’ve played World of Warcraft since the Wrath of the Lich King expansion and I’ve loved the series from before the MMO even existed. I quested and raided my way through all expansions up until Legion, though in both that expansion and its predecessor, Warlords of Draenor, my life took a few turns that meant I couldn’t play nearly as often as I wanted to nor do so with my American friends.

I missed out on some content, getting raid clears only on one-off appearances. But with Battle for Azeroth, World of Warcraft’s latest expansion, I’ve made it my goal to return to the old days, when I logged into Azeroth at least once a day and completed every task set before me. Yes, it’s a grind, but it’s a fun one, especially during the initial stages of the expansion.

The Heart of Darkness, home to the Underrot dungeon, the closest place to the Stranger Things’ Upside Down

So far, I’ve levelled my character, the Druid Kadrell, to level 120, completing the questlines of Kul Tiras, and loving every single moment of it. I’ve often claimed to be a quest whore (or as WoW puts it, a Loremaster), you put a quest in front of me and I’ll do it. So in Battle for Azeroth I’ve been in quest haven. Between storyline quests, one-off missions and world quests, I’ve had so much to do, so much to enjoy. And best of all, I’m not even close to done! As of reaching level 120, I’ve discovered brand new quests that I’m certain weren’t there as I levelled, unlocked perhaps as I reached this expansion’s level cap.

I play an Alliance character and though that often means I miss out on some Horde stories, this is the first time I’ve been tempted to create a character on the other side—I really don’t because I’m not one for alts and all my friends are on the Alliance side—because there’s so much there to explore, particularly with the Zandalari Trolls, whom we’ve just seen in the past as enemies. I’ve seen some of the cutscenes on their side, and the stories are great.

Yes, that flight path is a giant bee. It’s that awesome!

But on the blue and gold emblem side, the Kul Tiran stories are phenomenal:

Tiragarde Sound, home of the Proudmoore Admiralty—yes, Jayna’s family—has a political intrigue plot, pirates, azerite weapons, and even a couple of Lovecraftian and haunting stories that serve as morsels for the stories you’ll experience on the rest of the journey.

Drustvard, to the southwest, has something of a witch problem. Its towns are haunted and cursed by witches, their familiars and minions running rampant. It’s up to you and the last heir of Waycrest to reform an ancient order and take the battle to these supernatural foes. It has more of a horror vibe and they pull it off spectacularly. Best of all, there’s this one creepy child that makes it all worthwhile.

Stormsong Valley is simply the best. It’s all about an ancient order of sea mystics turned evil, corrupted by the whispers from the dark depths. If you’ve played WoW or know your Warcraft lore, you know what that means! It’s visually stunning, mechanically diverse, highly challenging and the new characters and storylines introduced will continue to impact the expansion perhaps much more than the other two.

Abby Lewis’ creepy rhymes rock!

Prevalent throughout the experience wasn’t just the clever writing and quest design, mixing it up every so often to break the monotony or give you something truly silly, such as riding ornery boars through enemy lines, scattering them like bowling pins, but these three important things:

Zone visual designs married with quest design and progress, with Stormsong being the very best example. You reach Stormsong through a pass that leads to the valley but as you get there the army blocks the way. You convince them to move on and as you follow suit, the pass begins at the bottom of a hill and ends at its crest, from where you can see the valley stretch below you. It’s a wonderful introduction as from the starting point you can only see the sky and distant mountains, but as you reach the top, you witness the majestic splendour of Stormsong. The quest locks you into this beautiful introduction.

Challenge Up, for the most part I found enemies beating the ever-loving crap out of me in every zone. For a long while now, new content zones scale with you, so that you can take in the new content in whichever order you like and enemies will always be at your level. For me, it meant that quest mobs, simple random enemies, put up one hell of a fight. It led to some frustration of course, but also to some very clever playing, where I had to combine some of my skills, even those I rarely use, to split monster groups to better deal with them. And as an alchemist, I had a big reason to raise my level in the skills and get better potions for fewer materials.

Related to Alchemy, Herbalism is outstanding in Battle for Azeroth because it does something that hasn’t been seen in World of Warcraft for a few expansions, where the herbs you find aren’t locked to specific regions—save for one plant and only because it’s a desert herb and there’s only one desert—but soil and conditions. You will always find Riverbuds near small streams and Sea Stalks in beaches, Siren’s Pollen grows on the trunk of trees and Winter’s Kiss on patches of snow. But best of all is Star Moss, which grows on stone and in the shade, so it’s often found under bridges, in alleys or on the side of buildings. If you’re near the water the moss will be vibrant green, with purple flowers growing from it and if you’re in a dry environment, it’ll come in shades of red and orange. It means you can find most herbs in all maps.

I’m enjoying the new Azerite mechanic. It was a bit unusual to see chest, shoulder and helm gear pieces without any secondary stats but instead these highly customisable ones that can give you greater survivability or trigger massive damage bursts. I would have loved this system to be more prevalent, say have all armour bits and even weapons get azurite traits, but I don’t mind the way it’s done and the grind for Azerite feels much less punishing than the ar3tifact weapon grind was in the previous expansion, especially since the “Artefact Knowledge” trait—a multiplier on the amount received—will scale automatically week to week.

This creature sent by Azshara is not a dungeon boss, but a quest enemy and he looks amazing!

Dungeons are super fun and visually unique, with interested mechanics throughout. This is the first time I’ve geared up so fast, going through a few normal dungeons, skipping over to heroic and even Mythic dungeons within days of the expansion’s launch and it’s great to see the increase in complexity from one difficulty to the next. There are so many left to do, and there is no single tank & spank boss. They all have at least one mechanic to keep you on your toes, even the gigantic T-Rex with the enormous hit box. Can’t wait to see what the first raid, Uldir aka Titan Umbrella Corp. has in store for us.

I’ve even had a bit of PVP, though completely by accident. I tried to do a World Quest but went through the main horde city in stealth to do it. A few guards discovered me a flagged me for PVP, meaning that players in War Mode, where you’re constantly flagged for PVP (there no longer are PVP only servers) could target me. Had a nice fight against a Shadow Priest and would have won if he hadn’t waited to attack me after quest mobs left me at a quarter of my maximum health. He didn’t kill me though. After a bit of self-healing stalemate, when things turned in his favour, I used my many movement skills to put some distance between us and go into stealth mode again, finding a dark alcove to hide in and teleport back to the safety of an alliance base.

Last week I didn’t publish a single thing or even upload any video on this site or my YouTube channel, and didn’t even think of doing something with my Twitch channel, because I spent every moment I could in Azeroth fending off against horde forces, searching for Azerite and getting my ass whooped.

It’s been a hell of a ride so far…and it’s only just beginning. There are dungeons to run and they’re a lot of fun, there is gear to unlock and professions to max out. I have to practice my rotation and get my DPS to a nice place so I can do well once raids unlock. Just a couple more weeks for that to happen and I’m eagerly awaiting it!

I spent last week adventuring in #WorldOfWarcraft, here are my thoughts!

I’ve played World of Warcraft since the Wrath of the Lich King expansion and I’ve loved the series from before the MMO even existed.

I spent last week adventuring in #WorldOfWarcraft, here are my thoughts! I’ve played World of Warcraft since the Wrath of the Lich King expansion and I’ve loved the series from before the MMO even existed.

[seganerds]

[dropcap]S[/dropcap]ince SEGA acquired Atlus’ parent company Index Holdings back in 2013, SEGA Nerds have had an additional boost of titles to enjoy under the SEGA umbrella, not least the Persona and Shin Megami Tensei franchises.

This extension of franchises now includes the likes of Rock of Ages. Developed by ACE Team, the first game was released on Xbox Live Arcade, PlayStation Network and Windows back in 2011, and while Rock of Ages wasn’t perhaps a game that set the world on fire, it was very well received and left fans craving for more.

So, it’s great to see, some six years later, that ACE Team and Atlus are at it again with Rock of Ages 2: Bigger and Boulder.

Take Super Monkey Ball, remove the monkey…

The world map kind of reminds me a little of Super Mario World… though not in appearance.

For those who the original passed them by, the best analogy for Rock of Ages is to take a tower defense game and mix it with Super Monkey Ball. The objective of the game is to defend your castle, using a variety of weapons, barriers and traps, while attacking your enemy’s castle and being the first to break down the door and squash the occupant (your enemy) inside.

The franchise features two main gameplay components, firstly you place your series of weapons and traps along the level – a downhill obstacle course – in the best way to either damage your enemy’s boulder or destroy it completely. That’s the tower defense side of things.

The second part of the gameplay involves you taking direct control of your giant boulder, where you need to navigate the course, avoiding enemy projectiles and traps, to smash down the door of their castle. The more damage your boulder receives, the weaker the impact damage will be on their castle and should your boulder lose all its health, it will be destroyed. This is the Super Monkey Ball part of the game, although, unlike Monkey Ball you control the ball/boulder directly, you don’t move the ground… oh, and there are no monkeys in the game either (shame).

If you enjoyed the gameplay in the original Rock of Ages, then you’ll be happy to hear that Rock of Ages 2 is very much more of the same, just bigger and boulder… err bolder.

One of my first attempts at wall building… it was not very successful.

Its ACE Team’s Flying Circus

Believe it or not, the game has a story to it, which lends itself in alignment with its name.

In Bigger and Boulder, you follow Atlas, the Titan from Greek mythology who was forced to hold the sky upon his back. Though Bigger and Boulder has taken the modern misconception here and adopted the idea that Atlas was holding the Earth on his back – but this common error is forgivable, as it works well with the story.

Anyway, Atlas is doing his thing, holding up the Earth, when God comes along and distracts him. Atlas accidentally drops the Earth and it falls to the heavens below. Panicking, he replaces the Earth with a large boulder. When God notices the Earth looks different he goes to put on his glasses to inspect it. As God is looking away, Atlas jumps from his plinth, still holding his boulder, and as he falls through space, he lands on Earth.

That bit is a little weird, as he was a giant holding the Earth, but is suddenly smaller, more human sized, and can now walk around on the planet, along with the boulder he brought down with him.

Now on Earth, Atlas is walking through notable periods of time, meeting various historical and mythological figures, all of whom have been depicted (in real life) in paintings and other works of art, such as statues or books – from the likes of Henry VIII, to Medusa, to William Wallace and a demon that blew up Mount Vesuvius. Each historical/fictional character you meet, you end up fighting against.

One of the great things about Rock of Ages is the fun art style and sense of humour, which has returned for Bigger and Boulder. The most accurate and best likeness for the art and humour is Monty Python’s Flying Circus – ACE Team has taken samples of works of art and animated them in a similar way to Monty Python’s animated scenes, right down to the absolute insanity, silliness and audio style, with mumbles and odd noises.

For those not familiar with Monty Python’s animation, think South Park, Salad Fingers or Apollo Gauntlet, where you have flat, paper-like, cut-out 2D images – taking figures from old paintings and animating them.

Granted, humour is always a matter of taste and if you really hated Monty Python’s animated scenes, there’s a chance you’ll hate these, but I loved them. While they are not entirely original in design or concept, this style is uncommon enough to give Rock of Ages a unique feeling and one that I really enjoyed throughout the game.

A brief lesson in history and mythology

Starry Night by Van Gogh is one my favourite level designs

In the story campaign, you roll around a map of Europe (and a small segment of north Africa) with each country containing at least one moment in history for you to visit. The map kind of reminded me a bit of Super Mario World, as you can make your way along, tackling the levels in almost any order, as defeating some enemies opens up multiple paths around the continent.

The art style goes much further than in the story animations, as the game’s levels feature a brilliant variety of interpretations of artwork from across time. You find yourself rolling down incredibly well-designed courses, each appropriately matching the historical era or the artistic style of the enemy you are fighting.

In England you fight against Henry VIII, against a medieval backdrop of rolling hills, while in Egypt you face Rameses with the stereotypical pyramids and giant statues surround by a sandy desert. But things change dramatically when you face against mythological enemies such as Baba Yaga and Medusa, as the artistic styles of the levels become something otherworldly and, on occasion, merge a different artistic style into the mythology.

For example, when you face Baba Yaga (a witch-like being from Slavic folklore), you are transported to the Van Gogh painting, Starry Night. It’s brilliant, you wouldn’t think to merge these two ideas, but it works really well and this ended up being one of my favorite levels in the game, because it felt so magical and, frankly, was beautiful to look at.

The great thing is that each course feels unique. While you are essentially rolling down hills getting from point A to point B, ACE Team has done a fantastic job in bringing the world and its history to life through their level designs and no two are alike.

I should also note the music in the game is brilliant. ACE Team has taken classical compositions that are associated either with the country you are fighting in or with the time-period. While I’m not so hot on classical music, I did recognise most of the songs and think it’s great, as it works well to complement the art styles and the world around you.

Great balls of fire!

No moss on these stones

While it’s a joy to look at, the game is also very fun to play. The controls are simple enough to pick up from the short (and very well designed) tutorial level, but you have the skill factor in learning what each weapon/trap does and knowing exactly where to place them for maximum effectiveness.

As you progress and defeat more and more enemies, you unlock new defenses and new boulders. While understanding the weapons is one thing, learning the strengths and weaknesses of the boulders is another.

There are no boulders that are perfect in every situation, but there will no doubt be ones that you prefer, due to your play style. Boulders have different statistics based on: Strength, Speed, Acceleration, Damage and Weight. Each of them affect how well they handle across different types of courses and against different types of weapons.

Each boulder looks unique and many of them have additional bonuses/advantages – such as the Angel Boulder being able to double jump, whereas the Globe Boulder has a moon spinning around it, so it can damage nearby obstacles without receiving any damage.

I think most gamers will enjoy the Monkey Ball aspect of the game – it’s really fun rolling over enemy structures and satisfying destroying the castle door first – but the tower defense side of things is equally enjoyable.

While this side of the game does slow things down, it can be brilliant fun to watch your tactics play out well. Essentially, after you have smashed your boulder into the opposing castle, you need to wait for your new boulder to be built, and this is the time to ready your defenses.

When I first played, I just dropped defenses anywhere on the course, not really caring or bothering to observe how well they worked. But after losing one early level three times in a row, I decided to take notice, and that’s when things clicked for me.

It’s really satisfying when your defences destory the enemy boulder

Rather than dropping defenses all over the map, the best solution is to pick defenses that complement each other and put them in close proximity (I often put them near my castle, because that tended to have the best space for lots of defenses). Once I worked out a good strategy, the tower defense bits became a real joy for me, as I tried to ready them in time before my enemy was able to roll.

If everything works out well, and you continuously destroy the enemy boulder before it can reach your castle, you can unlock a ‘rare’ achievement for destroying the enemy without taking any damage. I’m happy to say I was able to do this, and it’s a really satisfying feeling seeing your defenses work perfectly.

Chip off the old block

In Obstacle Course mode, you race against the opponent to the finish line, avoiding defences

There’s not just a single player to Bigger and Boulder, there’s also some decent offline and online multiplayer modes, including 2-player co-op across the whole single-player campaign – where you both are able to create your defenses at the same time, on the same course and roll your boulders into the enemy structures. But be warned, the AI also has two boulders in this mode, so you will need those extra defenses to fend them both off.

There’s also additional game modes, for both single and multiplayer, which extend the gameplay further, plus plenty of boulders, defenses and customization options to unlock during the main campaign.

Offline, you can only ever have two human players, which is a bit of a shame. Though online you can have up to four players in game modes, two players per console.

The single-player campaign also mixes things up slightly with four boss battles, which take you away from the downhill slopes of normal levels and to battle-type arenas. I’m not sure if everyone will enjoy these, though I did find them a good break from the norm in the campaign.

Geez! Would you look at the buns on that guy! He must work out…

You missed a spot

While I found the majority of my time with Bigger and Boulder to be really enjoyable, there are some things that hindered it.

Firstly, I came across some bugs in the game, one of which ruined the game for my girlfriend. See, she’s not a gamer, and Bigger and Boulder seemed like the perfect game for us both to play – as it is very easy to pick up.

Two player was really fun, when the camera behaved itself

After showing her the tutorial and playing a practice match against her, she picked things up, and we were ready to fight together against the AI. But something kept going wrong with her camera – every time she fell or was pushed off the course, her camera kept swinging around, so it was facing the wrong way. This led to her going backwards up the course and getting frustrated with the game. At first, I thought she was holding down the stick to change the camera angle, but I paid close attention the next time it happened, and sure enough, when she was placed back on the course, her camera was backwards.

The game does try to give you subtle indications on the direction you need to go, but it’s not always clear, especially for someone trying to get used to the controls.

Unfortunately, she became so annoyed with the game she gave up. It’s a shame because she thought it looked really fun when I was playing it, but I don’t blame her for quitting. Strangely, this camera situation never occurred for me in single player, but it was definitely happening to her.

Honey, I broke the cat!

Another annoyance is that to play two-player co-op offline, you need to create a separate Xbox Live account for the second player. There’s no option, like in other games, to just have a guest account. Frankly, this is ridiculous.

I also encountered a game-breaking bug against the Sphinx boss (see image to the left) and accidentally hit the “restart level” button once or twice. Couldn’t they have added a confirmation option?

Even if those annoyances didn’t exist, the biggest downside for Bigger and Boulder is that the game does feel rather repetitive during long gameplay stints. Even with the different boulders, new weapons and varied courses, you’re essentially doing to the same thing over and over again. But it’s great fun for short blasts of gaming!

Another point to note is that the campaign mode isn’t very long (it can be done in about 4-6 hours). But don’t let that put you off as the game is only £11.99/$14.99, and the amount of gameplay across the modes is well worth the entry fee.

Prepare to be squished!

Summary

Rock of Ages 2: Bigger and Boulder is a really enjoyable game and unique enough to warrant a purchase. While it has some flaws, some of which I’m hoping can be ironed out with an update, it is let down solely on its repetition during long gameplay stints.

But the game has enough variety in its level designs and content there for single and multiplayers, that it will keep bringing you back, even after you complete the main campaign.

While the visual aspects of the game don’t push modern hardware, the quirky art styles and imagination put into each level really draws players in, with a cracking soundtrack to roll your way to victory to. The odd humour may not be for everyone, but the gameplay should be enough to draw people in and keep them there.

Pros: + Really fun mix of gameplay styles + Great visuals bring historical & mythological characters/settings to life + Excellent soundtrack complements aesthetics + Good selection of game modes and unlockables

Cons: – Can feel repetitive in long play sessions – You need a second Xbox Live account to play multiplayer offline – WTF? – Bug! Camera kept twisting round in two player co-op

My favourite ‘boulder’ is a giant cube. Hard to control, but very powerful

It’s really satisfying when your defences destory the enemy boulder

Not all boulders are spherical

Starry Night by Van Gogh is one my favourite level designs

We danced on the crsuhed bodies of our fallen enemies

Geez! Would you look at the buns on that guy! He must work out…

In Obstacle Course mode, you race against the opponent to the finish line, avoiding defences

My favourite ‘boulder’ is a giant cube. Hard to control, but very powerful

Two player was really fun, when the camera behaved itself

Once you break down the enemy door, you squish them and claim victory!

Angel Boulder has wings to double jump

Honey, I broke the cat!

Two player was really fun, when the camera behaved itself

Just chilling on the back of a Sphinx…

Cat is still broken…

The world map kind of reminds me a little of Super Mario World… though not in appearance.

Prepare to be squished!

You have plenty of customisation features to unlock

One of my first attempts at wall building… it was not very successful.

Placing defences stragetically helps ensure victory

Great balls of fire!

Time to get the ball rolling again with our #review of #RockofAges2 #Bigger&Boulder! @theACETeam @AtlusUSA #SEGA Since SEGA acquired Atlus’ parent company Index Holdings back in 2013, SEGA Nerds have had an additional boost of titles to enjoy under the SEGA umbrella, not least the…